#talking myself down like hey
Text
... so maybe one reason why i haven't been getting a lot of notes on my art is that i was hidden from search results so i wasn't showing up in any fandom tags
the more you know
#i was truly here doing deep breathing exercises#talking myself down like hey#i'm a mature adult#i don't need interaction to validate my art#i make art for my own enjoyment#ain you dense walnut#in other news i learned today that pistaccios are another thing that can give me poison ivy#i am very glad to have known this before trying to eat some pistaccios#i'm not looking up how to spell pistaccios i'm sorry
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
WOAH, HE'S BIGENDER? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!
#hey. hey. im just saying. he LITERALLY 'transed his gender' in a diagetic bit in orange. and if that wasnt enough.#in blue he disguised himself as squid jenny specifically with larry's powers (the only thing hes done with them on screen)#got caught by his god-assigned roles-obsessed caretaker. and was given the label of being something intrinsically unescapably deceitful.#while 'pretending' to be trans girl.#like. if i wasnt pretty sure it was all an accident i might even call the allegory here slightly heavy-handed.#with the nccts emphasizing a theme of 'youre not just what people say you are#you can be more than one thing at the same time' with crim#i think crimson can have boygirl swag. some bigender pizzazz. i think he deserves it.#is it REALLY a cpu kerfuffle arc without a subversive narratively relevant gender-transing.#am i supposed to believe the spirit of deviance himself is cis? get fucking real. grow up. /silly#also a lil crimtoinette in there. just for flavor. because i cant help myself.#also sidenote the nccts have given him this cute lil tendency#to tip his hat down to hide his face when hes trying to be Genuine or Thoughtful or Poignant. and i enjoy that little touch#i maybe like this guy a little too much. hes most of what ive drawn for months.#but what do you want from me. i read him as a queercoded villain deconstructed at the metanarrative level.#am i just supposed to be normal about that.#me and zia talked about this in dms and discovered. we came to a lot of the same conclusions. completely independently. lmao#cpuk crimson
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
Nah man, I really gotta stop doing certain things
If you don’t wanna read you don’t have to, I’d say it’s KIND OF a vent but not really because I can’t take myself seriously like at all-
First things first there is one major thing I gotta stop and it is I HAVE TO STOP SAYING SORRY 24/7 my PARENTS have told me to STOP BUT I DONT- ITS INFURIATING. It’s like- you ever like try to go cold turkey on a habit that you do but you end up still doing it even if that cold turkey didn’t last for even an hour? YEAH ITS LIKE THAT- it’s a habit that I’ve built slowly upon and now it’s become a problem because anytime I DO say sorry over something minor my parents tell me to stop. I get they’re trying to help me, I love them for that, but it’s difficult when you assume anything you do and that you get a look for is your fault. Not their fault either if anything it’s mine for creating the habit but I’m telling you I just can’t stop it. It’s hard, and I hate it 💀
Second, I am a yapper. And there ain’t anything wrong with yapping first of all it’s just a problem and issue for me because I realize that I ain’t a multitasker. When it comes to be narrating to myself while doing something, chances are, I ain’t getting anything done because im too busy telling my life’s story to A WALL. And it’s especially become a problem because my mom (although is very interested with what I have to say) always tells me that I really just need to get stuff done and over with. I respect that, so im REALLY gonna try and just shut up. And I gotta be honest here I talk way too much for one person dude I just need to stop 😭😅
AND FINALLY, something I’m really trying to stop but it just keeps coming back to me!
Listen if I had the ability to clone myself: I would sit her down and give her a lecture on what she does sometimes ain’t very smart and I REALLY gotta stop doing it.
But I gotta wait, cuz time does take a little bit and I know it’s gonna be a slow process getting these habits to stop. But you know what, that’s okay. I’ll be patient with myself, I’ll try to be. I’m gonna be okay. We’re all gonna be okay together.
🫂
#Vent(?)#Random#I was very tempted to write something but I know that imma sound like a hypocrite for it and it’s a bad example#I don’t want you guys to talk down on yourselves. don’t hurt yourselves. and especially don’t feel like you don’t deserve anything#I know you all do.#and hey you ain’t alone. I mean I’d once say I was the peak of good mental health but look at me now 👍#I mean I seriously cannot take myself seriously like at al in fact I joke about it a lot. but this brain of mine is really thinking of some#diabolical shit I’ll tell you that much#but fr tho guys. it’s okay#we got this. we ain’t giving up on this one. we gotta spite this world that keeps giving you negatives#YOU ARE A POSITIVE! out of all the negatives you get Remeber that you are a positive in this world. and you’re doing great at keep onward!!
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
oh my god, I'm so glad you mentioned the "steals your girl" thing as to why people hate on Zote
even as a joke, it still weirds me out! stop talking about her like that!!!
RIGHT. The entire argument makes me seethe and spit and snarl so bad. Like I'm coming from a Zote bias perspective, but the way that whole thing frames Bretta too is literally. So Gross.
She was never "yours." She is not a got damn possession to be lost. Her romantic interest in Ghost is never even implied to be anything other than one-sided, mostly because Ghost just. Doesn't Emote.
And the whole "stealing" shit makes it seem like Zote flirted with her or pursued her romantically literally at all, when we get Nothing to support that other than Bretta's fanfiction, which I would take with a huge helping of salt. All we ever see Zote do is tell her his precepts. Like. Lol
Bretta forming a crush on him is a Her thing. Based on him lying a whole lot about how cool he is, sure, but nothing we're given suggests he did it specifically to win romance out of her or "take" her from Ghost. Someone who. Again. Didn't. "Have" her to begin with.
I don't think Zote even knows or cares about any of that. Per Precept Thirty. But that's just me and my aroace Zote headcanon. I Guess. Kicks a rock.
Anyway hey HK fandom stop treating Bretta like a trophy to be won that Zote "made off" with. You're all annoying. God bless.
#the only thing you could possibly argue otherwise regarding Zote's intentions is that one part of Bretta's fanfic where she mentions#that Zote apparently ''warned the town'' about Ghost being an evil monster. Or whatever#and like. Somehow stretch that into thinking he did that specifically to Get Bretta.#and also like. Totally ignore that he's probably just saying that shit because Ghost just beat his ass in the colosseum in front of#a huge crowd of bugs laughing at his expense.#his intentions are ''i HATE ghost and i LOVE talking about myself. Oh hey this girl wants me to talk about myself. I love#talking about myself. Yay''#bet anything he would've settled in that spot and done the exact same spiel to any bug that sat down and listened to him#it could've been cornifer. do you hear me? It could've been Cornifer#ask#zote
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
was hanging out with someone today and she was talking about how she would shoot the hawks and eagles if they went after her indoor/outdoor cat and i had to struggle to keep a straight face. there is an EASY fucking solution to this problem that doesn't involve killing federally protected wildlife OR your poor damn cat. who got in a fight last night and left fur all over the place.
#by hanging out with i mean she is the owner of the quarter horse mare that was here and she wanted me to come down when the farrier came?#the farrier is cool but he did give her some stupid fucking fearmongering pamphlet written by this idiot racist ~whistleblower~ about how#“They” (?) are going to be rationing peoples water and the dude is like blaming the local tribe for it....get the fuck over yourself buddy#the entire state is in a drought. disrespectfully. go fuck yourself#trump ass county for fucking real this is why i wanted to move to the next county over or at least the next town over in this county#like. not to dox myself but i live in thee bellwether county for presidential elections and these cunts are not voting blue let me tell you#it's all these retired fucking republicans!!!! god damn it there are so manyyyyyyyyy i don't know if i can do it guys#also i was talking to this woman about biking/hiking on the olympic discovery trail and she was like oh i've had some bad shit happen to me#on that trail and i'm like oh like what? and shes like#oh well one time this guy was living in the woods and i called the cops on him but they didn't care or do anything about it.#and instead of saying “why the fuck did you call the cops on somebody who wasn't even bothering you” and “what the fuck is your problem”#and “can't believe i'm saying this but the cop was actually the correct one in this situation” i had to be like oh huh :/#anyway literally nothing bad happened to her on the odt and people are kind of just heartless about homeless people#ALSO she was talking about when she was very sick on her recent trip to hawaii (...) and “not caring” about people worrying about her havin#covid like well actually the way you say that does reveal that you Do actually have a little dust bunny of shame about your shitty behavior#somewhere deep under the laminate tile of your soul and you fucking Know that's a shitty fucking way to act but youre doing it anyway. lol!#and this is such a very standard example of almost everyone i've met here. i'm going insane none of you have basic compassion or decency#for people you don't already care about. We Live In A Fucking Society WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.#i have to stop bitching it's after midnight but this was my first real contact with another person for the last 12 days#(BECAUSE i fucking had covid and i was isolating like a normal person instead of being a dumb entitled fucking asshole about it)#and it was just soooo peppered with this selfish fucking libertarian nonsense the whole time it is SO frustrating holy shit#i have to be nice to this woman because she wants my help with her horse (who needs my help frankly) and she's lived here her whole life so#she has thee connections and has also offered to help me get a car which i can't tell how serious she is but we need to be on good terms#jesus christ. hey if anyone is reading this and you read the whole thing and you read my tag essays regularly we have to get legally marrie#you know too much. wedding in november#me
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
couldn’t get this image out of my head
#*ford voice* and then I ran into a parallel version of myself that was a giant talking rat#this falls apart the second I think about it but omggg silksharp#came about when I thought of how similar stan and ripred are#I was like hey wait they both do what they do because of lost family and see who they lost in who they gained hmm#ripred’s prophecy symbol is the peacemaker cross of course#their dynamic is very very different from the stans twins so things would go down much smoother I think#also there’s no bill equivalent in tuc. maybe it’d just be bill#the overland siblings would fill the role of the mystery twins#aaand that’s all I got#apart from mayyybe hamnet mcgucket (they both try to escape what they’ve seen)#tuc#the underland chronicles#gravity falls#ripred the gnawer#silksharp the gnawer#kirbart
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have such painfully bad fomo :[
literally seeing my friends’ posts about the blorbos that i missed n seeing my friends interact with each other through the posts actually makes me sad ‘cus h friendssss!!!!! and special interest!!!!!! i like friends!!!!!! and i like that thing!!!!!! that looks like pleasant fun times!!!! i wanna do the friending and the talking too!!!!!
but i’m busy!! and i can’t and shouldn’t be in every interaction my friends have and see every single post my friends make about my special interest!!! but i seem to have a huge problem!!!!
i seem to be all or nothing with friendship!! i used to be willing to take or leave friends. i vibed with people but if we stopped talking i would be totally chill. and now i’m like “hhhhhhnhhhhhhh friemnd? what is friend doing???? having a great time and i am missing it???? is there a topic i’d absolutely love to talk about happening and i’m not there???? 🥺🥺🥺” which is SO unhealthy!!!!!
i’ve got college assignments, irl friends, friends from secondary school that i’m meant to keep up with through text, a discord server, and tumblr, and i try to keep up with all of this whilst wanting to not miss every single interaction from these that i think i’d enjoy. i’m dooming and damning and hurting myself. h.
#it’s like i have an internal rep i’m trying to keep up#like “HEY YES I LIKE THIS THING AND WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AND HAVE THINGS OF VALUE TO SAY”#it’s like i think i’m losing at friendship and also losing at being Obsessed with a thing#like if i miss enough things the friendship dies#and if i miss enough posts i’m not consuming or providing enough content of the thing i like to truly be a lover of that thing#fuck. im genuinely worried im not valid enough to call myself silvers dad. thats. is that what this is? is that what this all comes down to?#i’m. i love being normal.#i love my friends :[
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
,
#almost came out bc my whole family was together for once#but then i thought it might be awkward bc my brother's gf always inserts herself too much in conversations and she's bi and it could derail#and then i thought ok why would her derailing it be so uncomfortable. am i projecting my communication issues on everyone (yes i am)#and when they left after AGES only my little sister was left#and then i thought i wouldnt want her to hear if they reacted wrong#and she wouldn't leave (which ok good for her bc family time is important)#(but also by that point i was shaking with nerves)#so i just went to my room and i'm waiting for her to go to her room and for my parents to sit down together#so i can be like hey 🧍♀️can we talk#i'm thinking of starting with something more disappointing and shocking (me asking for more independence bc i don't want to give them#every detail whenever i go out)#and then being like yeah also. i'm a lesbian and the reason i'm telling you is bc i plan on going on dates and i'm a shit liar#WHICH IS SUCH AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION OH MY GOD#I HATE THIS#but i also hate not being true to myself or whatever lady gaga said
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely sorry about all the dndposting recently it hasn't even been interesting but i'm so desperate to dm. i've got storytelling skills!!! i've got improv skills!!! i want to build a story around characters!!! i want to see what players do with what i give them!!!
#i want to get good at planning combat encounters too#i'm sad that the first group didn't work out#it really could have been great#but also. thank FUCK it didn't work out i need to get away from those people.#earlier the person that has basically only been condescending to me was like#''hey are we cool?''#because i never responded to his shitty condescending message#like no bitch we're not cool. shut the fuck up.#you have permanently ruined my opinion of you.#which may be harsh#but you need to understand he's an experienced dnd player and dm. started several dnd clubs#and did Not help me out at all#and when i was like ''hey man you're the experienced player here can you help me out''#he was like ''well i'm doing EVERYTHING i can. it's just a shitty way of life that the dm has to do everything''#(''everything'' means things i genuinely could not do by myself. things that were explicitly a group effort)#and he kept being like ''this is stressing you out let's take a break''#fucker i didn't need a break i needed HELP. i wasn't even stressed#i was pissed off#and INCREDIBLY reasonable the entire time. this sounds like biased bullshit i know#but the worst things i said were like#''hey guys i'm really looking forward to this but i can't do everything by myself i need some help''#''don't you wish you had a proactive player in your groups?''#and ''if you leave a date blank on the calendar i just have to assume that it's free. that's why we have the calendar''#so no man we're not ''cool''#also talking down to me is the easiest way to get me to dislike you. it's like a speedrun#''i don't think it's your fault. i don't think it's anyone's fault :)"#bro it very clearly is SOMEONE'S fault. definitely not mine.#fuck that guy#persimmon's rambles
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate benchball i hate benchball i hate benchball i hate benchball *wheeze* WITHOUT YOU THERES NOTHING FOR ME TO DO CAN YOU FEEL THE SUNSHINE TOO ITS COMING THROUGH IT MAKES MEE FEEL BRAND NEW
#i hate benchball#and pe in general#especially today bc we were against people who can actually play#so i felt really useless#my friend was on my team but i didnt really get to talk to them that much#i kinda felt like the reason we didnt win was because i was being really incompetent#then we went to the changing rooms and i was on the verge of tears because i was ddying from the inherent stress of existing in pe#i closed my eyes and began humming can you feel the sunshine from sonic r while badly attempting to calm myself down#my friends noticed and were like hey crisp you good??? and i was like YEAH MHM IM AS FINE AS APOLLO#and then i went back to dying#and then i realised i felt really lightheaded (more than usual) and i tried taking massive breaths#then it was all fine#i got to cry in the rain :]
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of the most important aspects to be learnt of being a political thinker online, a passive or active viewer of sociopolitical discourses and marginalization, is that just because you find someone to be “wrong” on a subject, have a bad take on a words definition or have shitty political/strategic takes, or just be fucking annoying to you personally, doesn’t make them stop being from the same marginalized group or group-of-groups as yourself. tragically sometimes a comrade-in-arms also just fucking sucks without it being a cishetero bourgeois psyop or a more-particularly-advantaged-yet-still-marginalized-group punching down. like there can be “self-hating” people from demographics actively trying to oppress said demographics but 9 times out of 10 Kaleb from My Discourses isn’t a Dennis Prager rubbing elbows with literal nazis he’s just that dipshit who thinks Judaism as a social category necessitates matrilineal affiliation (even though the people that actively hate Judaism as a social category don’t conceive of it as such). For example I mean.
this should really go without saying but good fucking god my own time in the ‘strangers with a word or two in common trying to kill each other online’ trenches neeeeded
#yes this is about queer community discourse#(most) about anyway i mean. i literally talked about a judaism thing in the post lol#realizing this has felt like a gigantic fucking burden got lifted off my shoulders. like oh yeah sometimes you can just dislike a line#of rhetoric without it being a fucking calamity that invalidates other peoples places in the broader ‘community’.#the fact i can care IS important to some extent but what still matters more is that The -Archs rarely if ever actually care that much#regaurdless of what a sapphic calls themselves they’d still be lit on fire by the deathsquads for degeneracy as much as the rest of us#just because some dipshit thats personally loathsome on an individual scale takes any criticism of the use of ‘queer’ as a personal attack#doesn’t remove the fact that theyre still just as fucking fallible as the rest of us#like this doesn’t remove how i feel about these subjects. some labels are fucking redundant and shitty and yes-actually-invalidating of#other peoples definitions (most importantly MINE hahaa!) but jesus h fucking christ i haven’t seen a ‘bad actor’ on these subjects in years.#it was only ever the discorse itself really that alerted and enabled people to get noteworthily bad about. like#anything. even setting aside vaguing bi lesbian as a label (sorry) EVERY FUCKING DISCOURSE THAT ISN’T ‘hey this person doxxed someone’ or#or ‘hey these are closed fucking religious practices/stereotypes/slurs’ has been like that!!!#ace discourse was a fucking hellscape and i genuinely just don’t think the problems would have happened there on either side if people#actually fucking treated each other like. human beings????#some of THAT came down to trying to compare opressive forces against even the other acronymal identities is a politically disturbing underta#aking in its own right. we can barely talk fucking humanely about the intersections of transphobia abd homophobia throw amatonormativity on#the mix and expecting 2015 tumblr to be civil is like hand ak-47s to middle schoolers. urk.#so basically i’m the smartest and bestest because i can acknowledge and respect my own biases while still recognizing them AS biases and#try to always keep the broader political climate in mind when considering topics that are ‘hot button’ to myself uwu#i’m basically just like noah from the bible i’m so virtuous i’m going to start a big zoo in a boat now
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
reminiscing on when i was playing end.walker and got through all the heartwarming scenes before boarding the ragnarok andnh then they justj killed th.ancred instantly
#lem text#🌊#xivposting#IT S SO FUNNY. ***HOW*** COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME#THW WORST PART ABOUT IT IS. I DON’T THINK I EVER TALKED ABOUT IT ????#BUT THERES A LITTLE SCENE WHERE ONE OF THE SCIONS KNOCKS ON YOUR DOOR AT NIGHT AND YOU GET TO PICK WHO IT IS. TO HAVE A SCENE WITH#AND (duh obviously i picked him) TH.ANCRED BASICALLY TELLS YOU. HEY. WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT I DON’T KNOW-#IF I’LL BE IN THE RIGHT MINDSET TO SAVE MYSELF. SO CAN I COUNT ON YOU TO DO THAT FOR ME? ANDB FIRST OF ALL IT GOT ME SO BAD#AND SECOND OF ALL **I CANT BELIEVEB THEY FOLLOW IT UP WITH HIM DYING IMMEDIATLEYNBkfneknfjkebnf#ALSO ALSO TJENNFKhf wknfkwbf. AT THE LAST STAND. ONE OF THE DIALOGUE OPTIONS YOU CAN SAY TO HIM#IS ‘we’ll make it through this. together.’ AND I WAS LIKE OH RUDY /WOULD/ SAY THAT :’). AND TJKENDN THEY FUCKJGNgnfbekfnke#i never even posted my ew thoughts ramble oug.. it was basically just me losing my mind over ultima thule n talking about story pacing. <3#final f.antasy fourteen sucks [second favorite game in the entire world] i can’t stand it [i would do anything for its characters ever]#anyway sorry echoes in the distance came on and it activated all of my emotions. TT i lovw this game i love this game i love this g
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love being an age regressor ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ tonight it feels very affirming and comforting. I've kind of always had to look out for myself and be my biggest supporter, and there are a lot of strange ways this feels like a second chilhood at times.
like i regress to being younger, but I'm also a girl now in a completely different place with completely different circumstances/social circles etc. yk?
but when i feel rly small and my reality feels so big, it makes me happy that older me is there for me to make the important decisions and guide us there :3 it's like i am holding my hand through this, i haven't had an adult rly look out for me like this and it's so nice to have one now!!
i don't have to be scared of big changes, I'm doing good and I'm here for me and i can take it easy. i have someone who is helping me ♡ i have someone who is keeping me safe. they work hard so i can be little ^.^ thanks big sis hehe ✌🏾
ouggghh im not little anymore but (｡ﾉω＼｡) ♡ yeah. when i am little i can still like.. function as an adult n talk to ppl n stuff. but it's also like, well like i said before ig 0:
like im smaller but different‚ subtly. still me‚ but someone else since I'm like.. a teen?? that i never was. my childhood was nothing like my adulthood so this rly is a whole new thing little me has needed to learn 2 navigate emotionally/mentally.
but as i become more aware of when I'm in a little headspace and not, the difference in perception stands out to me a lot more. i can't articulate it very well... oughh. this is giving me very specific questions, but on that note — i am happy to feel so safe and looked out for when I'm little 😌💕 i used to feel scared and helpless but it's different now. we're doing this together 👩🏽🤝👩🏾 i got ya lil sis
#sometimes I'm a teen sometimes I'm like 6ish??#the latter is rare but hm ૮ – ﻌ–ა when I'm little older me is still aware and can handle talking to ppl and getting the sentiment across n#whatnot. i don't know off the top of my head how different teen me and younger me are from each other 0: or how similar we all are#but bc older me is always aware like we all have my memories and experiences yk? and my littles r just Here and they come n go randomly#i am curious about these headspaces..#oh ? i went into the younger headspace rn (❁´◡`❁) ♡ it is pretty different.#very docile (｡ﾉω＼｡) not a lot of thoughts just like. vague feelings. she laid on my big plushie n got comfies and drifted away though#idk...... i like.. invited other parts of myself 2 come say hey 2 me and make their presence known#(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ so i can take better care of n be more responsible for us since it's not just me yk?#and like teen me is kinda bratty and angsty lol but also such a hoe 💀 i love her akskaka girl..#she's such a daddy's girl low-key?? I've never had a dad or wanted one before lol.. she a lil boycrazy 🙈💕#i mean.. so am i but she's taking it to new heights lol!! 😭 it's interesting what wires get crossed n new connections I'm making these days#but like. they're both p different from me at both their respective ages and just compared to when I'm not regressed.#the teen one's been harder to pin down just bc i kinda go in n out of that one a lot but it's been going on a lot longer than i realize#so like.. i just naturally made space for me to be that way without knowing?? but now when i regress I'm like hey what up ✌🏾😏#ms ma'am's here to vibe for a bit. maybe look at some cute boys‚ maybe talk some shit‚ flirt a little who knows 💀#she's kind of a hoodrat like i was ill give her that lmao 😹 she's fun#she's also a lovergirl who rly cares about our friends just like me ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡ i think on a surface lvl u wouldn't know the difference#between us unless u hung out around me a lot‚ but it's cute to think about ^.^#u are hanging out with us 👩🏽🤝👩🏾💕 we r having fun and appreciate u
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
