#tango is the human torch

[stygiansauce]

Nerf war reminded me of something I wrote a while ago...

Superhero AU my love!!!!!

(as promised @twodiamondhoes I give you deadshot Jimmy from the unnamed au)

[socksenjoyer]

cooking up an evil AU... fantastic 4 ZITS will be my masterpiece

[sasmeo-bisaster]

Scar is my favorite cause he is a living calamity both intentionally and unintentionally and this april fool episode is a perfect example of that

He stole most of the torches in the village so tons of mobs would show up and many died because of them

He caused 3 different deaths without even realizing (pearl, ren, martyn)

Tango killed him after they were allied most of the episode and he didn't hesitate to kill him back right after

The only reason he didn't actively kill more people is cause he was stuck in yellow till the end

He truly is a natural disaster in human form and i love him for it

[oddly-specific-hermit-headcanons]

A lot of the Hermits like to chew on things. Most of them are hybrids, and like to teethe on things instinctively. Perhaps the human Hermits adopted this trait as well.

Zed likes to grind on wheat and grass while he builds contraptions. He says it helps him focus.

Pearl sometimes chews on her clothing, or other Hermit’s clothing. She says it’s a nervous habit.

Ren likes chewing on other Hermit’s boots. Just for the shenanigan purposes, according to him.

Mumbo does the same thing as Pearl, but more specifically he chews on his tie.

Beef will chew on small pieces of leather at times. He describes it as a relaxing action.

Tango will gnaw on the bottom part of a redstone torch while he works on a new contraption. He says he does it subconsciously.

Doc crunches on rocks occasionally. He says it’s satisfying to him.

Gem will chew on plastic while she builds, like plastic forks. She says it’s a calming mechanism.

Cub will bite into gunpowder. He says he likes the risk that it might explode at any time. He has yet to blow up from this mannerism.

Etho has adopted the same habit as Tango, expect he chews on the end of a soul torch instead of a redstone torch.

.

[autumnmist101]

Random Individual Hermit Head-cannons

Xisuma: Voidwalker

Keeps pictures of his favorite moments from each of the hermits' first seasons.

Void searched for Pearl and Jimmy specifically. Did this right after Grian explained his backstory and that he didn’t know if his siblings were alive.

Adopted both Mumbo and False in season two, but at separate times. They don't talk about it much though. ______________________________________________________________

VintageBeef: Cow hybrid

Makes the best deviled eggs anyone has ever tasted. ______________________________________________________________

Mumbo: Had a phase where he was a bunny hybrid (have a shpeel about it but that's too long for this post)

Would wear a fake mustache when he was too young to grow one. (The others found it adorable)

Second person to find out about Grian's backstory ______________________________________________________________

Gem: Hybrid forms: Tropical fish/sea creature, Fox, Deer, Elf

Confronted/nearly killed Scott during an Empires' meeting after hearing that he abandoned Pearl in DL.

Can't use chopsticks. Makes them shish-kabob sticks instead.

Loves ice-skating dates (platonic) with Pearl.

If she can't plays at least one T-Swift song on a road trip. Then she's the only artist the car gets to listen to when heading back home.

Protective as heck when she finds out someone's sick. (Nurse mod Gem activates)

Harder punches mean more love, and Gem is, according to many, a 'very affectionate' hermit. >:D

Twin of Fwhip, sister of Sausage. ______________________________________________________________

Bdubs: Hybrids- Bug, Glare, Horse

Can NOT have energy drink. Will be constantly building, and answering anything via screaming. Not to mention, won't be able to shreep. ______________________________________________________________

Scar: Hybrid forms: Vex and Cat.

Has a chewing necklace he loses constantly

An amazing cook despite the kitchen being on fire.

Has wheelchair and cane accessories from his friends. ie. wheelchair handle spikes from Gem, heated Star Wars themed cane handle from Grian.

Bursts into Disney songs at ANY reference he hears.

Jellie trained Katy Bee to carry a mini first aid box on her collar for Scar. ______________________________________________________________

Tango: Blaze-born

Raised by phoenixes.

Left home to be on his own. The portal he took to the overworld put him in a snow biome. Nearly froze before Zedaph found him.

Can actually hover, but usually forgets about the ability.

When needing in a tight space, will create a whisp of fire that he will then possess to fly into that space.

Cried for at least an hour whenever a Ravager died in DO2.

Freaked out when Pearl first tried to eat a red-stone torch and immediately taught her red-stone safety, as well as started using it. (Wants to be a good influence <3)

Still believes in Santa

Can play just about anything on kazoo.

Will NOT play Star Wars or Disney songs on the kazoo. ______________________________________________________________

Zedaph: Sheep hybrid.

Big Chappell Roan fan

Sunburns easily

Kicked out of a cult of lambs due to constantly calling the god they worshipped "Waiter" instead of "The one who waits".

Found Tango half frozen on a mountain. ______________________________________________________________

Impulse: Cast out from the nether realm for befriending too many humans.

Organizer of the Hermit Parent Club. Usually plans out field trips, pun offs, and when it's bring your kid to the server day.

Still has his first soup bowl of season 9.

Was standing right beside the cactus Skizz fell in when he was kicked out of heaven.

Helping Skizz out- "I'm an imp. My name's Impulse. What's your name, man?" ______________________________________________________________

Skizz: When meeting Impulse- "Mine's Skizzleman! I'm an Angel!"

Knew Impulse would be his best friend after that moment.

Can do a great Doodlebob impression

Cast out of heaven for being bad at making things. Not just alive things. All things.

The last straw for them was when he tried to make a Tasmanian devil. He did not know what a Tasmanian devil was. . . . He still does not know what a Tasmanian devil is.

When cast out was purposely thrown onto a cactus where he was found by Impulse. (They really didn't like his last creation) ______________________________________________________________

Joel: Hybrid forms- Wolf, Red Panda

Definitely NOT nervous around needles. Only babies, and Jimmy, are nervous around those.

Wears his Mazelean crown when he misses his friends in empires.

Constantly writes to Lizzie in whatever server she's on. Also keeps a small bottle of her perfume on his bedside table.

Can feel when another Life game is coming. (Sixth sense almost)

Has a dart board with Scott's face on it that he, and sometimes Pearl, use to prepare for the next games.

NOT scared of giant birds or any birds for that matter. That's for losers. And DIDN'T scream when he first saw Jimmy's canary wings. ______________________________________________________________

False: Eagle avian

Enjoys hunting rabbits/Joel in her free time.

Teases Mumbo about his crush on Hot Guy.

Has won countless rap battles

Can, in fact, smell fear ______________________________________________________________

Etho: Sings Barbie girl in the shower

Carries tools on him at all times

Keeps a Big Bro <3 bracelet from Gem in his vest pocket ______________________________________________________________

That's all for now. I have others; however, they were too long to be included in this post. I do intend to expand/story-fy a couple of these ones though, hopefully in the near future. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! <3

[hopepetal]

can't remember if I ever posted this so uh. More writing for the dnd au Bee and I made!

cw for. drinking. alcohol

-

“Tango, please!” Jimmy begged, for what had to be the twentieth time that night. “Just one sip! I promise! I'll stop bothering you after!”

Tango gave Jimmy a concerned once-over, keeping his hand firmly wrapped around his drink. “I dunno, man...” He glanced around at the rest of the party, scratching the back of his neck. “This stuff is really strong. I don't want you to like, hurt yourself or something.”

Jimmy crossed his arms and pouted, huffing softly. “I'm a big boy!” he protested indignantly, “I can handle my alcohol!”

Tango whined softly, silently pleading for advice from the rest of the party as he glanced around at them again.

Pearl took a sip of her wine, shrugging. The astral elf had leaned back against Impulse's side, the centaur having laid down to relax with the rest of them. “I say give it to him. Saves the rest of us from having to hear his begging.”

Mumbo looked up, anxious as ever. “Tango is right, though... as a, um, an expert in humans– because I am one, of course– it just seems like a bad idea.”

“Do it,” Scar encouraged, “it'll be funny.”

Impulse just watched with a slight smirk on his face. “I'm not healing you if you get sick.”

“Good thing I won't get sick, then!” Jimmy took the drink from Tango and, with a confident grin, took a huge sip.

“Aaaand I'm going to need you to make a constitution check, with disadvantage,” Grian interrupted.

“Oh, come on!” Jimmy complained as he picked up his die, “that's just unfair!” He rolled, looked at the die, and groaned. “...eight. At least it's not a one?”

Grian smirked. “So. You take a sip of this drink, and immediately regret it. You're reminded of that one time you tried to eat a torch as a child. It burns, and tears spring to your eyes as you barely manage to choke it down.”

Jimmy sniffled, wiping his eyes furiously as he tried to hide his tears. Scar had fallen against Mumbo, wheezing with laughter while Pearl and Impulse tried to hide chuckles of their own. Tango snatched back the drink, clearly very worried. “Jimmy, you good?”

Through the pain, eyes watering and his nose running, Jimmy gave Tango a weak smile and a thumbs up. “Doin' great.”

[wormsinsdirt]

FUCK it deleted my post I was at THE TENTH ONE. NOW I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

But this has given me an oppurtunity: I listen to youtube too, so Spotify doesn’t actually know what I listen to the most. Also: the songs in the actual list are just songs I don’t skip. So I’m gonna put an explaination under all 10 handpicked songs!

1. Your Body, My Temple - Will Wood

Everytime I search for a song and let it play to the end this song plays right after. If Spotify has nothing to play it’s gonna be this! Don’t get me wrong it’s a banger but it’s not my favorite song!

2. Не Смешно - Молчат Дома

This is a song I activly go to to the монумент album to play, I love every song in both Етажи and Монумент! But this is the one I’m most likely to be like ooo I should play this. You get me?

3. Black Rainbows - Miracle Musical

It’s my favorite Miracle Musical song. I love The Mind Electric as much as the next guy, really it’s objectivly and truly better. I love that thing. I hang on to every lyric and I think about it all the time. But Black Rainbows is special! It has a feeling about it that like takes me out? It’s amazing. Stella Octongulaaa!!

4. The Mind Electric

Listen to that. Can you hear it?

The voices. The lyrics. The story. The piano bits. The wording the words the words! It’s reversed? Holy shit? Fuuuuuckkkk… The drama. The pacing. The words. I think about this song all the time.

Honerable mention: Chonny Jash’s The Mind Electric, specifically 1:40 to 2:30

5. The Bidding - Tally Hall

I know every word. I’ve had an animatic in mind since 2019. If I ever were to post an animatic it would be of this song. I love the bass, I love the lyrics, I love the flow. I love everything about it! It’s genuinly such a good song.

Honerable mention: Chonny Jash you can never top your cover of this I fucking LOVE IT.

6. Ruler of Everything - Tally Hall

You cannot make a smarter song. I think this is the peak of song writing and you cannot take me down. It fucking repeats. A conversation between humanity and time? Holy shit it’s good. I’m the ruler of everything in the eeend

Honerable mention: 13

7. Front Street - Will Wood and the Tapeworms

It’s probably my favorite Will Wood song. Best piano intro ever. I play it by tapping a pen alll the time. The way the lyrics flow out of him is beautiful. This song fuuucks! I’d kill to hear it live! Last call for morals better cover your drink Sodom and gomorrah let it go down the sink!

8. Same Man I Was Before - Oingo Boingo

I love sooo many songs! I think my actual favorite is Wierd Science or Dead Man’s Party, but the chorus bits in this song are sooo good I can’t not mention it!

9. Hand Me My Shovel, I’m going in! - Will Wood and the Tapeworms

It was the first Will Wood song I ever heard. Here’s my live thought process of listening to Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! ->

Fuuck intro. Oooo the start. Instruments pick up.. two voices.. scream time! This is not enough to prove it yet! No I need to hit the bottom! Ooo spooky time what spooky time…. Stop. Picks up again! Bam bam bam bam! Instruments….. Will Wood singing woagh. Chorus! Hey Hey Hey Hey-ho! Gotta get to the bottom of this spooky time! Take youuu with me. Dramatic time? Nice? Ooo piano picks up how lovely. It’s like he’s really singing from the bottom of a hole. What the instruments pick up YIPPIE YIPPIE? Guys I think he’s going in. Gotta get gotta get gotta gotta get! Hey Hey Hey Hey! Kill me kiill meee!!! Shit he’s really getting into it now. This guy’s crazy. He really wants to hit the bottom. No I need to hit the bootooom *GUNSHOT*

10. Begravelsepolka - Kaizer’s Orchestra

It’s epic. The most epic song I’ve ever heard. Watch the music video! There’s tap dancing. Janove is the devil with black eyeshadow. Kaizer is there in all their gas mask glory. I love listening to the lyrics! I still don’t quite know what it’s supposed to symbolize. But I understand the lyrics and it’s fun! There’s chanting there’s tango rhythm! It sounds like a giant mob with torches! Denne polka! Det er denne du blei folk av!

The order of this doesn’t really mean anything, it’s 10 songs that really means something to me!

Maybe I should just make revirets for albums I like I really like talking about music.

@carriegalaxyy @zgmoony dammit al you’ve stealen so many of my tags! Anyone who wants can reblog with their song things!

tagged by @its-kinda-snowy!!

Rules: shuffle your repeat playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people!

Renegade - Kavinsky

Messy in heaven - Venbee

Melody - Sigala

Motions - Cassia

Tek it - Cafuné

Temporary Love - The Brinks

Sublime - Slenderbodies

Afraid - No Wyrld

In the Dying of the Light - Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

&burn - Billie Eilish

tagging: @highladyofdusk @nitewrighter @kishuszar @sphyrne @mysticalfg @yufiit @flightlesskiwi @constellation-skirmishes @astraldrake @vagorsol

[citrusinicake]

fun fact about my tango is that he actually has a circlet when he's going into battle mode so technically i *should* be drawing him with one whenever i draw a war or life smp piece with him but i can never get it to look good so i never do

[risottofan7]

skizzisms list bc i felt like making a list (still adding on regularly so make sure to check og post if youre using this as a reference or something)

boat -> butt

okay? -> mmguh

flak -> static

DNR -> dinner roll

super dupe pooper scoop

get out of here you piece of JUNK!!!!!

[movie/song/tv show reference] whats that from 😏☺️

singing randomly

ooohuhuhu….ooo…

wuoh

nooch!

nooch. snoogins.

hup + bop (note that bop is mostly an impulseism but skizz has picked it up too)

you can bop if you so choose

saying single words/short sentences in a very abrupt way sometimes

jerk!

nicknames! eg: dipple dop, (tango) top, etc

mister doctor professor [name]

yeah babyy!

(high pitched voice effect) kevin bubbles malone refrigerator jimmy madeye dugan mug

messing with his poker chips while he talks

you’re amazing!

hungy dungy wungy chunky monkey

not an -ism but definitely a skizz thing: skompass (skizzleman compass) aka single blocks with torches on them that act like a breadcrumb trail

do/say x with my/your face

alriiight!

come on cletus

that’s what i’m talking about or that’s what i’m talking aboot

that’s for true

ah poopy :(

stop messing around (after messing around himself)

not really as common i think but sometimes he’ll put something in basic terms, and then say some variation of “but let me explain”/“what I mean by that is”/etc. (e.g. “Tango…you are such a perfectionist, but let me expand on this:…” in this stream)

there’s your thumbnail!

do you Need to take a Poopy. (phasmo)

(to the tune of “when the moon hits your eye…”) THAT’s moroiii (phasmo)

prreow. brrow (meowing. kind of.)

CRIT!!!!!!

makinabaaaabyyy

hi. how you doin'.

calling wardens "warden g"

what's up!!

Ghoulie ghosty come out to play

(mimicking grian using the spirit box) are you heeyah

___ for a tick

you're not watching

im gonna leave that/leave it! (when he holds back on the opportunity to make a dirty joke)

___ is top shelf

combining two sentences into one longer sentence by just removing the pause for a period and continuing in the same cadence

sometimes will interject "oh" in a fully different tone at the end of a sentence. i have yet to figure out the pattern for it if there is one

aaauh [name] naoooh naouuhh 😞☹️

propaGUUUHLE

be good, be good to each other

Additions from notes:

random sounds while thinking (ex: lethr lethr lethr lethr)

What’s that gonna do?

great question newman!

in addition to “what’s that from”, Name it!

homie buddeh

“The Skizz”

HUYEAYUH/making faces along with that and other stream sfx

thats the first time in human history anyone has said that

in addition to you can bop if you so choose, singing the actual you can bop if you want to safety dance parody

mmmbye

(fns) you’re legit/are you legit?

(fns) come on knock on our doooor we’ll be waitin’ for youuu (in vc to bug the imposter) (part of the random singing point)

(fns) ope! crewmate again!

(fns) make-sure-to-eat-fruit (doing simon says)

DANGIIIIIT

what im gonnna dooo….

num-a-nums

well i Did/Am.

show me [item] salad!

the face he makes where his eyes go really wide and he tucks his chin in and stares

calling people he finds cool "cats"

referring to his face as his handsome mug

will sometimes not actually make his point yet before adding "you know what i mean?" as if there was a meaning to be had

claims he would never do something to someone that they did to him, despite the fact that he had or would do exactly that

Enough out of you!

lmk if i missed anything and i can add it Smile emoji

[okamialex-draw]

Ranchers' spider AU, might need another name like superhero AU or marvel AU at this point

Tango is the human torch I don't make the rules...well my AU my rules,but you understand me.

[stygiansauce]

ug, the ranchers are sparing again

they're both down bad...

[stitchthesewords]

Sending love your way, friend *hugs* what's something you've wanted to ramble about but haven't had a chance to yet? Any ideas that are in the baby stages? Anything you wanna tali about we're here for <3

Im gonna. Use this as an excuse to talk about Sector AU. Which I know you specifically know about but I haven't talked about it much on tumblr.

Okay so Sector AU is my PolyZITS X Rancher AU [Jimmy got added later. I mean. Look at him. Hes like Tango's wet cat. And Tango is his wet cat. I. Hhhhh]. I sort of havent settled on anything about sector au specifically yet because it's just kind of my 'I wanna think about my rarepair guys in situations' au but the gist of it for those who don't know. ->

Every guy in the relationship represents a different 'sector' of the MC Universe. Zedaph represents the End and is a sort of beetle hybrid sort of inspired by the endermites. He has the shielded wings, multiple arms, those big ass beetle...antannae? Antler? things? And the beady black eyes. He's also only like 4 feet tall. He's tiny. Bug guy.

Tango represents the Nehter [of course] though not as your standard Netherborn Tango guy, though it does pull from that a bit. He's sort of - a lizard? He [and zedaph] can skitter up walls and needs to be kept warm - going as far to swim in lava to do so. IDK man a lot of the nether creatures make me think of lizards. Instead of wings, tango has those like. Arm glider things some lizards have, along with the frills and the scaly skin. He still has the fire hair, though its almost like a mohawk in my head that goes down his back, w a lizardy tail to match. Charmander! He's charmander. he's also short, like 4'5, so not as short as zed but still. tiny.

Skizz is an avian, specifically a hyacinth macaw which are the biggest and strongest of the parrot species - and they're the deep blue parrot you can see in minecraft. I made him an avian bc i like bird guys but also idk man Skizz just fits the bird vibes. Everyone always makes him an angel to go with Impulse's whole demon thing and given Impulse this felt fitting to do. It should go without saying he's fucking massive. Like 6'8 massive or sometihng. big.

IMPULSE is a descendent of the Ancients, who still lives underground. I havent really figured out fully whats going on w him but Sculk Guy who isnt Quiet Human and is also tall but not skizz tall. Like a few inches shorter.

And then theres Jimmy, who's just a plain ol human who lives in the world and gets kind of sucked into their world. I imagine maybe that all of the servers these 5 interact on are like, continents in this world, and theres like some not-quite-server-fic shenanigans occurring where its like. They go on adventures and can interact with worlds they dont exist on [yet <- manifesting Hermit Skizz] and also they get to hold hands nad kiss maybe and tango and zed can climb everyone like a tree and its like

I have two very specific scenes in mind - Skizz teaching Impulse to fly w an elytra because he cant teach him FLIGHT proper but avians use rockets the same way elytra work where they glide back down so he can teach Impulse [And later - jimmy] to fly.

And then a second imagine of tango and Jimmy in a cave exploring and using Tango as a light source but because they arent putting down torches they get lost and a creeper blows up in their face and injures them and they have to make their way back to the other members of the polycule and its all a very daunting task and just. hhhh.

[bartholomewtheant]

Hermits glowing

I have a headcanon that all of the hermits glow in the dark. This can be usefull in some ways but it's mostly funny to imagine them all in the not-so-dark room:

Grian glows faintly in spot above his head, as if someone put a halo above his head. Occasionaly, in the corner of your eye, you might catch something that looks like way too many eyes and circles. Or not...

Mumbo glows of redstone. It's probably badly washed smudges and bits under his fingernails but no amount of showering seems to wash it away, that man is half radioactive.

Magic never left Scar, it whizzes, sparkles and cackles around him. He uses it for effect, generall pizzah but it also makes it impossible for him to sneak up to someone.

Impulse is more practical about lights and his i glows with yellowish lightbulb shine. It's good for lighting up redstone bits and inspecting sweets

Last of the boatem crew is a bit of an odd one but which one isn't. Pearl's glow changes by moon phases, on new moon almost invisible, on full moon lights up the room. It's been bit difficult with the moon so close, soon she's gonna start blinding people

Speaking of moon, Ren's eyes gain a dangerous glow on full moon. You're probably safe tho, unless you're a chicken

Doc lights up when you surprise him, together with hissing noise. But also that time he stood up too close to the Tesla coil he wouldn't stop glowing for two weeks.

Bdubs has glowing eyes. Like reflectors on a football field kinda glowing. Two flashlights that he prefers to get rid of by sleeping the night away

Tango's glasses glow red by whatever radioactive was used to make them. He says it's so he can see in the dark but don't trust him on that

Keralis claims his construction workers west is only reflective but god knows what it reflects in pitch black room

Cleo is slightly bioluminescent because of some sort of fungus, it is mostly visible in the seams

GeminiTay doesn't actualy glow but she has gotten herself christmas lights that she wrapped around her antlers for the season

Something underneath Etho's bandana glows and noone knows why. It's probably safer that way and he prefers the shine of diamonds anyways

Iskall has one of the settings on his eye as a laser. It is quite entertaining when a cat is nearby

There has been so many things spilled into Zedaph's coat that it's surprising it didn't develop a sentience yet. Glowing is just minor effect of the chemicals

Cub feels like lava. You can never be sure if you really see it unless it's really dark and then it swirls underneath his skin but it is there

Xisuma has a glowing visor in his mask but it's not really for him, he doesn't see the world in human comprehensive ways

TinfoilChef doesn't glow, he just carries enough torches on him that he's never in the dark

[kiwinatorwaffles]

everybody’s powers in the hero au

how could i make a superhero au without thinking of awesome powers for every character involved? exactly!

take this combined effort from me and my friends to come up with hilarious and interesting powers from both the main and side characters <3 full post under cut!

update- may 26, 2022: i have an updated version! it's much more elaborate and is in the style of an archive document, so check that out in this post!

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS

x: void portals. he can open them in space and they transport either himself or other people/things out of another one. strong on his own, but even better as a support power (which you’ll see with ex)

ex: none. but he knows martial arts and has weapons that he will use without hesitation. works tremendously well when paired with x.

wels: basically has the power of Cool Sword. he can summon different weapons (think erza from fairy tail, if you know what that is) which are strengthened by his spirit, but only if he sings out their names. he’s incredibly good at singing because of this!

hels: he just sets his own sword on fire basically and he’s jealous of wels’ power

boatem incorporated

grian: used to just be an alien bird with crazy batshit insane powers, but flew into a waffle house and got bitten by a radioactive human (jevin). now he can also turn into a human! he can breathe fire and has super strength, but he only has those powers in his bird form.

pearl: same species of alien bird as grian (they are lost siblings) except she Got Good and learned how to maintain a human form and use her powers. she can shoot lasers out of her eyes, fly, and has super strength.

scar: cartoon logic! he can defy gravity, but only if he doesn’t look down. he can summon a comically large hammer out of nowhere. he can summon banana peels to trip his enemies. all he needs to do is put on a hat and a silly mask and suddenly he’s mr. goodtimes and nobody recognizes him! but he has a weakness to pianos and anvils.

mumbo: a robot! basically becomes vision if connected to wifi, but his power depends on the ping. give him shitty wifi and he moves at 5fps. he can go offline mode, but will have no powers outside of limb stretching in this state.

impulse: candy summoning! as long as the candy meets the two requirements of having sugar and being unhealthy, he can summon it. the only nerf is that he needs to carry sugar on him at all times, which has led to quite a few misunderstandings.

big eyes crew

keralis: mind control. pretty fucking overpowered. but he often accidentally ends up using it in times that he doesn’t intend (however he does it to tango on purpose while playing it off as an accident)

bdubs: he is Literally just a glare. he hisses in the dark. he bites.

tango: his hair can turn into fire… but that’s about it? it can roast marshmallows, but it can’t really burn anything. he’s mainly used as a human torch and is the getaway driver LMAO

lulu: big eyes crew’s shitty getaway car. she looks like she’ll break down at a gust of wind, but she can go up to incredible speeds. she can also fly.

ungrouped

zed: none. he was an inventor before the whole hero thing, but joined the heroes league for his little brother as a part of the mechanical division :]

worm man: being… a worm LMAO he has the ability to go through floors and “swim” in them like water.

cub: he’s just a random alien they let be the front counter guy. his powers are currently unknown.

gem: she controls your math grade. so pay attention to her class or else.

other side characters

doc: psychokinesis- can control things with his mind. easily one of the strongest heroes, but his lack of morals and daydrinking tendencies make him very risky to deploy. he’s only called over for emergency situations.

ren: bloodbending. his power increases with the moon phases. also can make really good coffee

etho: literally a magical girl, with transformation and a magical girl outfit and everything. he has the power of anime logic, where if he has friendship, he instantly wins. also bdubs is his “animal” companion

tfc: minecraft logic. he can float blocks and do all kinds of batshit insane things. he’s retired, though.

cleo: she’s a zombie so she can easily regenerate in a strange way! she’s not a hero, but if anyone ever needed her for a situation, then she’s more than happy to help.

stress: flower power baby!!! grows lots of cool plants as combat.

that’s all i have for now! i’ll probably add more if i think of any.

[shadeswift99]

Reverse Vampire Impulse

Welcome back to the lastest headcanon installment of "spin the wheel and guess what Impulse is because there's no WAY that summonable workaholic is a basic settings human", featuring: an idea I don't know whether to laugh at or become obsessed with (hint, it's both)

So! A reverse vampire!

- Impulse can enter a place at will (unlike a vampire who needs to be invited), but in order to leave, he has to be banished or dismissed. To leave a building or an area a simple goodbye will do, but to leave a server, he has to be formally banished to be able to log out (inspired by this post)

- Impulse's survival relies heavily on contact with light. He can be in darkness, but it saps a lot of his energy and leaves dark streaks on his skin. Total darkness for any prolonged period of time may kill him. (This might be why he has optifine torches turned on....)

- When Impulse looks into a mirror, he can see more than just visual information about himself. He can see various visuals of his physical, mental, and emotional state, and even a bit of his future if he looks long enough!

- Reverse vampirism is contracted when a regular vampire chooses to die rather than feed on the person they are with. As the vampire starves, the body of their would-be becomes almost too alive. Impulse's heart beats very fast. His skin is typically flushed, and his eyes seem too alert, a bit unnerving to look into

- The increased alive-ness takes a toll on the body. Impulse ages faster than the other hermits and is a bit more prone to damage and death (he is essential more mortal instead of a vampire's immortality). This is why in past seasons he often relied very heavily on the protection of a totem of undying.

- Reverse vampires cannot eat meat or any related products. They have an energy need that can only be filled by very high sugar foods or supernaturally nutritious foods, like the products of Impulse's candy factory or golden carrots, golden apples, etc

- In order to reverse the accelerated aging effect, a ritual must be done regularly involving light and a number of repetitions of the reverse vampire's name. This is actually what was going on at Impulse's summoning! He could have just entered the server normally, but he was due for a refresh, and having that many people contributing to the ritual in a place of power like the quad witch huts would have lasted him for a while.

- He likely didn't need to do another big ritual like that for the rest of Hermitcraft, just small top-ups on his own

- He lived in the ocean in season 7 because the water reflects back a lot of light, and that was very energizing for him

- Reverse vampires can turn into beams of light or a collection of small white mice when they're at full health (as opposed to vampires, who can turn into dark smoke or a flock of bats when cornered or injured)

- Reverse vampirism is cured by close contact with another reverse vampire. Unfortunately, they're very rare, so it's difficult to do that. Cub tried to turn himself into a reverse vampire by making a deal with the Vex so he could help cure Impulse, but something went wrong with the fine print and he just got de-aged instead

- Reverse vampires feel no aggression towards regular humans. Instead, they often feel a compulsive need to help them or protect them from harm. Impulse's close friends have learned to recognize this and go along with it to a point, but gently turn away the help when they know he's overextending himself

- Speaking of friends: all the Hermits know about Impulse's condition. They like to joke around about it a fair bit (I mean, what isn't funny about seeing Impulse as a herd of white mice?) but they help him out with the harder parts of it, too. Bdubs sleeps the night away as fast as possible so Impulse doesn't have to be in darkness for very long. They all make sure to remember to dismiss him when they meet up, or else he'd just be stuck in that spot indefinitely. Tango and Zed nag him about grey hairs as a way to remind him to keep up with his rituals, and they do their best not to drag him into situations where his vulnerability to incidents and damage will be the death of him. (Well...they sort of try. They try to try. Hey, that counts!)

....This is officially one of the least canon-based headcanons I've ever had. I still don't know whether to laugh or write a whole fic about it. Either way I'm going to be thinking about this for the rest of the night

[redorich]

Eventually the Hermits get their hands on the one shulker box. They give it back a day later, filled with goodies as an apology for stealing, because they just needed it briefly so Doc could set up a shulker box duplicator.

(2/2) To expand on the shulker box ask I sent: It's cheating. They know it's cheating. They debate for a while over wether or not they should build it. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and dammit they need shulkers. Mules and Llamas can only get them so far.

---

(this takes place before the fic where puffy finds zedaph.)

---

The Hermits put up with mule highways and caravans of spitting llamas because they think they have no choice. At least one person complains about the lack of sophisticated storage transportation daily. Mumbo tries to create a system which will ferry items between bases, but it turns out to be more of a Rube Goldberg machine than anything, considering the items only travel at the speed of the water which carries them. Zedaph creates an actual Rube Goldberg machine for item transportation, but the only people who use it are himself and his neighbors, Impulse, False, and Tango. It’s more for prank transportation and snail mail anyway.

Things change when Stress, on a covert surface run, comes a bit too close to other humans on accident and catches sight of a blond man in a hoodie furtively checking his surroundings. Stress immediately does as she’s been trained, hiding herself behind tree cover and checking how long her invisibility potion will be in effect for. It says four minutes. As long as he leaves soon, she won’t have an issue.

The man surveys the muddy clearing with a keen eye, keeping watch for any evildoing interlopers. He places down an Ender chest, reaches his hands into it, then looks around once again to make sure no one’s there. Stress’s heart beats like a drum-- not the style of drums she usually plays, but rather the percussion of one of Xisuma’s favorite black metal bands. As the man’s gaze passes right over her, she feels the machine gun fire of her heart against her chest peak, breath catching in her throat.

He doesn’t see her. Quickly, he pulls something out of the Ender chest. A shulker box!

Stress’s breath stops for an entirely different reason. The things the Hermits could do with even one shulker box..! Item dupers are a thing, right? If anyone knows how to make an item duplication machine, it would be Doc. And a shulker box might be useful for an item duping machine! 

She’s getting ahead of herself. Should she steal from this person? Can she steal from this person? Even disregarding the moral dilemma, the members of the Dream SMP are fighters through and through. She’s got the advantage of surprise because she’s invisible and this man doesn’t know she’s here, but how long will that last? Even if she manages to take it, what if the blond man (Punz, she thinks is his name) kills her and takes the shulker box back from her?

As Stress weighs the risks and the rewards, she knows she’s running out of time. Punz breaks the shulker box. Right as he’s about to put it back in his Ender chest, Stress, who can see the window of opportunity closing, springs into panicked action.

She sprints right past Punz, hoping with every fiber of her being that her invisibility potion will be enough to save her. Snatching the box right out of Punz’s hands, Stress takes off running. Punz shouts, swinging his sword wildly at the air. He’s so close that a few strands of hair, just barely the tips, get sheared off of Stress’s fluffy mane and become visible as they flutter to the ground.

Punz’s eyes narrow, tracking the potion particles that he can just barely see. Unfortunately for him, the invisible thief takes off into the mob-infested forest. He gives chase, but the thief gains on him every time he has to stop to fight a mob.

Stress knows she can’t outrun Punz. She’s not bad, but he’s really good. Stress absolutely cannot lead this man back to the canyon. Allowing the hostile mobs of the forest to buy her time by slowing Punz down, Stress looks around rapidly, searching for something, anything she can do to lose the hunter on her trail.

A lone cow catches her eye. Thinking fast, she bites her lip as she dumps her only water bucket out into a nearby pond where it won’t be noticed, then milks the cow. In the distance, a zombie groans as Punz takes it out. Stress hyperventilates, frantically digging at the ground beneath her feet with a silk touch shovel. Once she’s created a hole just barely big enough for her to hide in, she hops in and puts the grassy dirt she dug up just seconds ago above her head and immediately downs the milk, so that there won’t be any potion particles to track her by.

Slowly, carefully, and as quiet as she possibly can, she digs up the dirt beneath her feet in absolute darkness. Logically, Stress knows that Punz won’t be able to see the light from her torch, but she’s too terrified to think logically. What has she done?!

Her shovel stills as angry feet stomp above her. Dirt crumbles into her hair when Punz walks directly above her. Caustic mutters faintly reach her ears through the loamy earth, fading farther and farther away as Punz searches in vain for the invisible thief. Stress waits with bated breath for minutes on end, hands shaking like leaves in a hurricane. 

Tentatively, she digs up the diorite block below her with a pickaxe. A mob shifts aboveground and Stress, paralyzed with the paranoia that it might be Punz, spends another five minutes in immobile silence. Burying her face in her hands, she sucks in a breath and continues digging. Once she hits a decently low y-level, she digs forward, taking care to place all her blocks behind her exactly as they were before she mined them.

After a solid three hundred blocks, she begins to staircase back up. On one unfortunate swing of her pick, water floods into her staircase. She must be under a lake or a sea. She can make out some kelp, though, so hopefully that’ll be enough cover for her to go up and check her surroundings.

Stress takes a deep breath and plunges into the cold water. Swimming up, she catches sight of wood-- no way. There is no way she’s made it to the docks just outside of the canyon. Eagerly, she swims back down into her staircase for a breath of air and the chance to down an invisibility potion, then back up to the surface.

On the entire journey from the bottom of the sea to the elevator on the other side of the canyon, she expects someone to catch her, to notice the water she’s dripping on the ground, to somehow sense the guilt emanating off her in waves. It doesn’t happen. Stress makes it to the elevator and pushes the down button eagerly. Every foot the elevator descends down is another thousand pounds of weight off her shoulders. She’s exhausted, and so close to home base. If she can just make it into the Atrium, she’ll have succeeded.

The elevator dings, rousing Stress from her daydreaming. “I really am dead on my feet, ain’t I?” she murmurs to herself.

She makes her way into one of the village houses, avoiding the pressure plates and tripwires which she knows like the back of her hand by now. In the house, she presses a button, which opens a door which leads to a tunnel. Sagging in relief, Stress practically melts across the floor as she traverses the short tunnel and finally makes it into Atrium 1-- a large circular room with a rounded ceiling and plenty of light.

“Woah, Stress!” Ren exclaims, running to support her. The dark circles under his eyes make him look as exhausted as she feels. He’s been working round the clock at the tree farm to churn out enough wood to meet the demands of twenty-four Hermits.

“Stress?” Ren asks with concern in his eyes, gently shaking Stress’s shoulders.

She laughs, high-pitched and wild. She’s done it. She’s really gone and done it!

“I got a shulker box,” she breathes.

Ren gasps. “What?! No way, they’re not even a thing on this server!”

“Yes they are,” Stress sing-songs, “because I have one.”

She tosses him the cyan shulker box with a look of pride on her face. Ren looks at the box in his hands, then back up at Stress with wide eyes.

“We gotta go show Xisuma, my dude.”

---

The Hermits convene in the small meeting room in the residential district, then realize that the room is in fact small and twenty-four Hermits aren’t going to fit in it. Xisuma’s having a good day, so he decides to hold the meeting in Atrium 1.

There are many different opinions on the acquisition of the shulker box, which sits innocently in the center of the room. Some people like Wels believe that even if it’s a great boon, it was stolen and therefore the Hermits don’t have the right to use it. Things were different when they first arrived in the canyon; they stole small things in order to survive. A shulker is nice to have, but the Hermits won’t die without it. On the other hand, there are people who side with Grian, who believes that since the Hermits already have the shulker box, they might as well use it.

Doc rumbles a deep hm, indicating that he’s debating with himself whether he should say something or not. Finally, it seems that the side of him which wants to tell his fellow Hermits wins out.

“Have you guys considered shulker box duping?” he says. Immediately, there is a clamor of outcries, both for and against, as well as just plain disbelieving.

Tango speaks up: absolutely not. It’s cheating. False tentatively rebuts, though, that sometimes cheating is acceptable when it's for a good cause. After all, part of her season 7 base was dug out using TNT dupers. Mumbo awkwardly raises his hand and waits for someone to acknowledge him, which Grian does.

“Er… what if we give it back after we’re done with it?” Mumbo says. Tango still looks unhappy, but the idea seems to appease Wels.

“Friends,” Xisuma says softly. Everyone quiets down immediately. “Should we have a civil vote, or shall I decide?”

Immediately, everyone gets shamed into behaving. “We can vote,” Bdubs says. “Everyone in favor of not cheating?”

“Wait, what are our options?” Grian asks.

“Er,” Scar speaks up. “Keeping the box but not duping it, giving the box back, duping it then giving it back, or duping it and not giving the original back. Is that right?”

Bdubs nods. “Yeah! So, all in favor of keeping the one original box?” A few hands go up, maybe five or six.

“Giving the box back?” More hands go up.

“Duplicating the box, then giving it back?” Nearly a dozen hands go up.

“Well then,” Bdubs says, “I guess I don’t have to finish the options; dupe-and-return wins.”

Doc strides into the center of the room and mines up the shulker box before anyone can change their mind; Tango grumbles good-naturedly at having lost the vote. Meanwhile, while everyone discusses the vote, Joe ferries Xisuma off to his quarters.

“So who’s going to give the shulker box back when we’re done with it, my dudes?” Ren asks the room at large.

“I will,” Stress says immediately. “I stole it; it’s only right that I give it back.”

---

Two days later, Punz wakes up to a noise in his house. He reaches for a knife under his pillow; just because there is no one to be seen doesn’t mean that no one’s there, as Punz is well aware given the theft of his shulker box, which he is still smarting over.

He gets out of bed, treading softly. Right there, in the doorway, is the same shulker box he lost! He looks around. This has to be a trap. No one is around… Punz might as well spring this trap.

He opens the box. Nothing is missing. In fact, there are more items inside than there were when it was stolen from him! A totem of undying, four diamond blocks, two ingots of netherite, and a note which reads, Sorry I stole your box! I only needed to borrow it, but I felt bad so I left some extra goodies in. xoxo

“...Huh?” Punz says to himself. This is the weirdest prank ever.

He puts the box back into his Ender chest and resolves to think about it in the morning.