Random Incorrect Quotes and Vibes from the Bleach AU I will probably never write (Rukia is killed by Aizen and them in the SS arc)
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Ichigo: *feral teenager with slightly cat-like tendencies because of his hollow*
Shinji:
Sakanade in his head: M I N E
...
Shinji: *explaining the inner hollow and everything that happened with Aizen and how they trained their hollows*
Ichigo: *a nerd who likes literarture and knows exactly what werewolves are*
Ichigo: Can I say something--
Shinji: *has questioned his reality more than once because of this kid’s weird questions* NO--
...
Ichigo: *goes to his inner world to see why the fuck Shiro is constantly screaming in his ear*
Shiro: *leaning over his body omniously with his big smile because he has been seperated from Ichigo for so long and this is the first time they’ve interacted without Old Man Zangetsu getting in the way so he’s happy*
Ichigo: wtfwtfwtf--
...
Shiro: *a feral tiny cat that likes to fight too much*
Sakanade: *a feral big cat the puts him in air jail*
Benihime: *the sadistic instigator*
....
Karin: *snooping through Ichigo’s room because she’s worried and finds Rukia’s asauchi*
Karin: *touching Rukia’s sword after Ichigo told her what happened and feeling a weird jolt or reiatsuand urge to keep it*
Ichigo: *who felt the reiatsu* ...
Karin:...
Karin: I have been CHOSEN--
Ichigo: NO--
...
Ichigo: What do you have there?
Karin: A Zanpakuto!
Ichigo: NO!
...
Karin: *facing a hollow while Ichigo was at the SS and losing*
Kangetsu (her Zanpakuto): cAN YoU hEAr mE?
...
Hitsugaya: *looks vaguely like her Zanpakuto spirit*
Karin: *softly* Holy shit
...
Ichigo: Goodnight moon.
Ichigo: Goodnight tree.
Ichigo: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.
...
Karin: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Isshin: *Joking* Not if they consent to it
Ichigo: *Serious* Depends on who you’re stabbing
Yuzu: *the one sane non-soul reaper in the family* YES?!
...
Ichigo: *walking into his room* Hello people who do not live here
Renji: Hey
Ikkaku: Hi
Yumichika: Hello
Rangiku: Hey!
Ichigo: You’re only supposed to come here for emergencies!
Renji: We were out of Doritos *they’re on a mission, he’s just fucking with him*
...
Orihime: I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name hime?
Ishida: *scared of snakes* You did WHAT--
Ichigo: William Snakespeare
...
Renji: *while they were going to save Rukia* This is such a bad idea
Ichigo: Then why are you coming along?
Renji: One of us needs to be able to talk the Gotei out of arresting us when this goes wrong
...
Ichigo: Do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Ishida: You’re a hazard to society
Renji: And a coward. Do twenty
...
Orihime: If I were a drink, I’d be a strawberry vanilla coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?
Ichigo: Bleach (PUN FULLY INTENDED XD)
Keigo: *he found out ichigo and Chad didn’t fail like him* Sewage
Orihime: *concern*
Tatsuki: Calm down edgelords
...
Okay, that’s it
Some of these were canon, some of these were just random shit from my fic that i might never write
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even tho i don't like orihime and think she's a poorly written character, her relationship with ulquiorra was really interesting and i wished we'd got more of it.
also it's funny how that girl has chemistry with literally EVERYONE except with her crush lmaooo
tastuhime ? Yes. Ulquihime ? Yes !! Ishihime ? Hell yeah
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Okay actually, here are the only Bleach romance dynamics that matter
Urahara/Yoruichi except it’s strictly a friends with benefits situation while Yoruichi and Soi Fon are Divorced(TM) and Yoruichi and Soi Fon would go back to each other in a heartbeat if they actually Discussed Feelings
Grimmichi + Ichihime but specifically in a “Ah yes, me, my husband, and my husband’s six foot tall Hollow archenemy” type of way
Queerplatonic Ichiruki and queerplatonic Renruki. Rukia has two hands but neither of them are for romance, they’re for holding onto Ichigo and Renji’s backpack leashes
Yumichika/Ikkaku but specifically Yumichika is a homophobic gay and Ikkaku is convinced they’re just “guys being dudes”
Harribel/Nel but Harribel’s lesbian harem (Mila Rose, Sung Sung, and Appachi) are deeply in love with Harribel and pine after her in increasingly wet and pathetic ways
Aizen/Urahara but Aizen is just pissed he’s in love with Urahara and Urahara is completely oblivious while Yoruichi is eating popcorn
Renji/Uryu wherein they started making out when they were left alone one time and have no idea why and will never tell anyone
Orihime/Tatsuki wherein they were together the whole series and everything was resolved much quicker with Tatsuki around because she actually has a brain
Gin/Rangiku and everything is exactly the same as in canon except Rangiku was given the opportunity to punch him at least once
Basically romance in Bleach only works if it, and everyone involved, is supremely stupid
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