#tear it down around my head
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having the miya twins as your brothers would mean them betting over who’d cry on your wedding first
#babbles.#you’re not even halfway through the aisle but atsumu is already biting back sobs#he tries SO HARD but tears are already streaming down his cheeks#and osamu looks at him weirdly bc his twin is being so dramatic for what ??#you moving out soon to start a new life with your partner ??#you have to remember they were the first men in your life#the first to make you laugh#the first to make you cry#your first dance (you were 4 and they blessed you with songs by destinys child)#you and atsumu raced on your bikes when you were younger and you two were going so fast you went sliding down the hill#explaining the scar on your right elbow#you can cook almost as well as osamu now after all those years of asking him to teach you so that you can impress your now lifelong partner#osamu realizes that their baby sister is all grown up now#and he CRIES#he and atsumu have their arms around each other’s shoulders as they listen to you say your vows#and they forget about the bet because .#they’re proud#so so so proud#CRYING#someone tell me to stop thinking of miya twins x younger sister headcannons#in my head they took it upon themselves to protect and take care of their single mother and baby sister#UGH#im obsessed#(omg and what if . the groom is suna UDHEJDJWKDJS IM PROJECTING BYE)
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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I don't think I'd ever have the stones to actually do it but I feel like it'd be socially acceptable if I wrote a hazbin fic and just put my whole pussy in it and have Reader sing a song and yes I DO mean your ass would be reading lyrics
#just. i cant describe how the vox alastor two soulmate idea has been flooding my head daily 💀💀💀#NOT ME WRITING A SONG. LIKE I MEAN ACTUALLY THINKING OF LYRICS AND WRITING THEM DOWN “for fun”#reader having their reveal song where they reveal to alastor and vox theyre ALSO an overlord with goons#all your buddies emerge snapping from the shadows as you all start singing for the boys to either leave you alone or sign a contract#“cause if you dont sign along that dotted line how else will i know you wont leave?” *totally doesnt burst into tears*#all your goons gather around 'no boss youre actually so cool though and your hair looks amazing today fuck these guys'#hh
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" just...come here. just sit here with me" (...that one scene from princess momonoke, click for better resolution)
#tw death mentioned for the tag rambles!! (sorry)#meme redraw gone wrong (high effort). don't ask me how i did this- i don't know either. consider this perhaps an AU of the pyre scene?#or more accurately just my internal wonderings visualised. sometimes the vibes from the implications don't pan out the same way#i also lost the original sketch somewhere in my papers. alas. i vaguely recall thinking this would be haha funny and then somewhere down#the line it turned to angst. other quotes that inspired this from the show were 'ily. i'm sorry' and 'i will always be so proud of you'.#smth smth they met on the roof!! vincent stops quincy from jumping off and then. vincent tries to die + eventually quincy kills him on the#very same roof. anyway the quincent death scene was spinning around for a bit in my head and out of the miscellaneous sketches this won out#wanted to play w the strong blue lighting + bg + silhouette things that you get w stage lighting // replaced the knife w vincent's scalpel#quincy is kneeling bc poses + idk why it's fun staging for him ;-; // also the proximity + intimacy.. // the pyre is also in the bg#but it's silhouetted behind quincy. i think the last quincy post made me associate symbolism (help??) bc as i was painting i was thinking o#angel wings ksdjfh // not to mention the halos. halos are always fun to paint.. shiny stuff...#and from the last vincent art. i guess the star and eye imagery carried over. hm. tried to get the quincy halo to match so its like a#rounder less spiky star? which hehe aligns w the sun vibes (that i??can't explain??) but more importantly here i was thinking about#binary stars for the glowy parts. two in orbit in pull to one another.. tension.. ue. also the glow for vincent goes to stabby eye so like#behind the face shown to viewer. meanwhile for quincy it goes in front of the face#and of course u have the downward linking implied line from quincy's tears +scalpel + glowy eye.#this is supposed to be rotatable.. in landscape form u can have either quincy or vincent upright (pov) + it should work both ways#//bonus stuff is vincent holding the skask w bloody hands + shadow looks like blood spatters. like it would if quincy did the stabby.#hhhh this is the most. confused i have been making a piece lately.. just toss in a lot of fun visual stuff and mix..#if the rambling analysis here seems pointless and confused i think that's why. this is why u should plan out your essays o.O..#oh. stuff i just remembered: the whole impetus for vincent planning his own death was so quincy would be happy / it's already#mentioned before quincy kills vincent that he's severely injured- vincent says it's fine- ig u could intepret it as a finishing blow?#hastened over the phaethon announcement- when they make the second announcement quincy looks up smiling until the admin gives it to#beatrix-he didn't know.. // <- so for this it's possible to infer that vincent wasn't very attached to living anymore.. hence why they look#more accepting above. while quincy is looking very angsty and conflicted. yeah.. // tldr! don't look into it too deeply it's a meme redraw#adamandi#quincy cynthius martin#vincent aurelius lin#tw knife
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me after i finished reading legendborn:
EXCUSE ME, TRACY DEONN, WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO PLUCK AT MY HEARTSTRINGS LIKE A FUCKING GUITAR PLAYER??
[gif credit: @shegos]
#WHy isn’t there more hype abt this book on tumblr!?#that was rhetorical don’t answer that. i KNOW why :/#legendborn#no thoughts head full. i want to say so much more!! but#my brain is full of love for bree & garbled kettle noises only atm <33#man… this book is so refreshing & sooo good i’m cryingggg 😭#no fr i did actually tear up at several scenes. miss deonn is an EXCELLENT writer#& gosh that ending…. phenomenal#i picked up this book knowing only that it was abt magic & knew nothing else. it surprised me in a very very pleasant manner#hands down the best book i’ve read this year so far#i mean it has secret societies; magic obviously; centres around a black girl; is a story abt grief; is inspired by the legend of arthur and#merlin; impeccably done research & i’m definitely forgetting smth but — what more could u want???#i kid u not i was at the edge of my seat near the end & kept having to come back bc i kept going over the words so fast. OH the intrigue!!#i was so curious as to how it would all pan out; & that’s not all - i felt butterflies in my stomach (FIRST TIME that’s ever happened :D)#also i was laughing while i was crying but most importantly- the paaaaaaaaain. sharp enough to pierce my heart#id in alt text
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ppl joke about being stupid but then when you suffer actual cognitive decline and make your needs known to those around you are engaging in bad faith?
#which is kind of ironic bc this started bc i had a hard time wrapping my head around smthn#“it says so right there” yes and i need extra information i know im sorry im stupid i get it im sorry i know#my coworkers having to explain things to me three times before i can do the task lol#i love feeling ashamed of not being able to understand things the first time#“its obvious!” everyone else nodding in agreement. single tear rolling down my cheek.#this is why i dropped out of school#ty to the homies trying to help me wrap my head around this one#UnspecifiedEpilepsySquad4Lyfe#its fine its fine its fine its fine its fine
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Thinking about Illari, and where she fits into the larger Overwatch universe.
Of course, the default assumption is that she will join Overwatch, but then I also started thinking...what if she got recruited by Talon?
She's young, alone, emotionally compromised and therefore extremely vulnerable. I'm envisioning a scenario where her powers get out of control again (I imagine she still doesn't have full control over them yet, and still experiences deadly "bursts", especially when she's battling strong emotions), and, after a particularly bad outburst, she gets approached by Doomfist. He shows no fear of her, and tells her that her power is incredible, but that she needs someone to help her learn to control them. Of course there'd be pushback from "I don't need anyone" Illari, but Doom plays the long game, especially when he wants something. And God would he want Illari's power on his side.
Illari is tough and incredibly strong, but she's barely an adult, she's got nobody in the world to look out for her, and, maybe most dangerously, she's purposeless. A charismatic person like Doomfist assuring her he could help her make the world a better place, that she could master her powers with Talon's help, that she could ensure what happened to her at her ceremony never happens again...I don't know. I think she could be manipulated into ending up with them, at least temporarily (though of course I would hope not - poor girl needs recovery, not Talon's BS)
#overwatch#overwatch 2#illari quispe ruiz#illari overwatch#im thinking of that line from Giovanni in the first Pokemon movie after Mewtwo burns down the lab and everyone in it#'A wildfire destroys everything in its path. It will be the same with your powers unless you learn to control them. I can help you do that.#Doomfist standing in the middle of a smoldering ruin with fires burning around him and reaching out to a still-glowing Illari with zero fea#r#Illari telling him to get away but her hands and voice are shaking and there are tears of golden sunlight bleeding down her cheeks#idk. it's very clear in my head
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮?
𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊
usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system. it's a whole jean grey moment, fire and fury blasting out of you.
tagged by: i stole this from the magnificent @marblecarved 💖💖
tagging: @messanique ; @homebehind ; @riorsworn ; @ircnwrought ; @wornkindness ; @khrused ; you!
#;; god dany really does . . . swallow and bury so much deep within 🥺 BUT WHEN SHE CAN'T *TAKE IT ANYMORE* SHE REALLY ***CANNOT TAKE IT***#;; look my baby got a temper bUT THAT'S . . . DIFFERENT FROM HER *ACTUAL ANGER* !!!#;; remember when she threatened the wineseller with having her bloodriders pour a barrel of wine down his throat?#;; remember when she had that same wineseller who attempted to poison her ??? tied to the reins of her horse and she RODE UNTIL HE DIED#;; HE HAD TO RUN AFTER HER???#;; remember when she had 163 of the great masters crucified#;; THE FURY IS SO *REAL*#;; she is ***hostile***#;; these are extreme examples but !!! in a normal angry moment?? her pointed finger shaking with rage? her eyes flaring?#;; her words shifting from being so so so quiet yet hard to a roar like a great wave in a storm#;; THE DRAGONS ROARING AND SCREAMING AND THEIR TAILS LASHING AROUND IN RESPONSE TO THE TIDE RISING WITHIN HER#;; WHEN SHE'S FURIOUS AT SOME BETRAYAL??? THE TEARS STREAMING DOWN HER FACE WHILE SHE RAGES#♕░░ the dragon reared her head ; breathing in the storm and loving every minute of it ( ABOUT )#♕░░ wildin on the dash ( DASH GAMES )
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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finally got around to watching the last few episodes of the first season of TDI that i originally lost interest in after Harold got voted out and damn did i forget just how fucking excited i get about Harold. I don't know what's wrong with me but i just nearly dislocated my arm after wrecking my shit with a shitty backflip that i did the second he came on screen in the finale. i have never done a backflip before in my life. harold fuels me
#post#yes its five in the morning yes im up thinking really hard about my blorbo no im not gonna be able to fall asleep after the massive dopamine#hit i just got .#it's fine guys#I'D read his beavers and rats journal. HEATHER.#beavers and rats are COOL#most people leave their relatives precious heirlooms and relics of their childhood when they die but I'M leaving my children with my#massive notepad file where i talk to myself about harold that has so much text in it that my phone slows down when i open it#as you can tell i am normal !#i did however accidentally perform chiropractics on myself earlier when i snapped my head to the left to watch his part of the intro so hard#that my spine partially realigned itself#i do NOT fuck around about harold 💯💯💯#im on that harold grindset babey . up all day up all night thinking about harold 24/7 365#he's my babygirl#my little guy#my scrimbly boingo#<- normal girl who is normal#my jaw hurts from gnashing my teeth because when i get really excited i get the urge to tear things apart with my mouth#i start growling and shit too bro category 7 autism events turn me into some sort of creature or perhaps a beast#adn needless to say the mere vague mention of harold tdi is enough to cause at LEAST a category 7 if not a scale-breaking phenomenon#i dont think i mentioned that im freakishly obsessed with harold tdi . idk if that was clear or not . slash ess ay are see#im not tagging this bro nobody wants to see this . except maybe pissmaster so she can express her concern again but he doesn't have tumblr#and i am NAWT showing them this shit 💯🔥#im probably gonna end up telling him i fucked up a backflip though and whn she inevitably asks why the HELL i was doing a backflip im gonna#have to admit that i got so excited about the Presence of The Harold that i suddenly became an energy faucet so strong i had to#wipe the fuck out to calm myself down#hit my dam head on my headboard and shit#sowwy im subjecting u to this mutuals . ur probably gonna be hearing a lot about this guy for a little while . ok a big while#you know when cats get the zoomies and start doing crazy parkour shit and attacking random shit with their teeth . thsts me when Harold#fuck 30 tags god damn . my final message watch tdi even thoug it stressful as hell so i can talk to u about harold . pleas 👍
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im always like wistfully sighing one day i will live with somebody who loves me and we'll cook together and itll be so romantic and then i remember when i was a kid and my mom would force me to let my sibling help me bake and id get so mad that i considered fratricide
#in my head cooking is a very nice calming thing however every time i Actually cook its like a fucking battlefield its genuinely dire#its entirely my fault bc i always turn the heat up so high and then i get stressed bc im like ITS COOKING TOO FAST ITS BURNING AND THE#MIDDLE ISNT EVEN COOKED and its like . yeah man bc you have the heat full blastt 😭😭but if i have it low im like This is taking too long.#even worse if im cooking a dish/meal that has multiple components and i need 2 be prepping one thing while another thing is cooking#and they all have different cook times so i have to make sure they all get done around the same time. it does make me cry a lot#one day. i will have my own house where i feel safe and i can cook and learn how 2 cook in a way that doesnt make me burst into tears#one time. evil. at home i was just gonna make myself pancakes 4 dinner and then my entire family was like is for me? so i had 2 make pancak#s for everyone meaning i had 2 make Good pancakes bc idm if my pancakes r a little burnt or whatever and ik my family doesnt either#but in my head im like If i give my family burnt pancakes they will hate me until the day i fucking die#so i was already stressed bc it went from making like 5 silver dollars to like 30 and the first 2 patches were burnt and everybody was#running around and it was So hot and then the smoke alarm came on and we had just moved in so i didnt know where it was to turn it off so i#just sat down on the floor and started sobbing LOL#my mom finished the pancakes thank gd. but basically it was very scary and i Want to learn how 2 cook but i fink it needs to be#cooking for only me until i feel comfortable cooking more food at a time#bc making a lot of food stresses me out to much As seen above.
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today drained me. i’m so serious. it was not my worst day of teaching by far but it certainly felt like the longest. but i got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night which is likely the main culprit of me being at the end of my rope tbh
#the teacher i was subbing for did not leave any plans#not even a list of subjects or topics she is/wants to cover with the class#and i had no prep period#and i had lunch duty#so i had maybe 5-10 minutes to scarf down my lunch#and during an innocent game of silent ball a kid chipped his front teeth 😭😭😭#and i came back from lunch duty to a class in total chaos#all their heads down on desks. a few in tears. a teacher standing there like 😐😐😐#because they were chasing each other around a couple of them smacked their heads off things and got hurt#not to mention the general behavioural stuff you have to deal with in any classroom#and like all of these things on their own or even just with a good nights sleep? no biggie#however they happened one after another like dominoes and i was running on fumes 😭#and then i had to do errands after work 😭 like ok that’s enough !#so i will be going to sleep even though it’s only 7:45pm
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.
#me? lying on the carpet curled around my dog with tears streaming down my face?#yes#now shut up#they’re tears if happiness actually#literally i just lay in the dark room and started at her lit by the light of the hallway#*stared#and got hit so devastatingly by how i won’t have this for very much longer#but how incredibly incredibly lucky i am to have it now#she’s snuggled into my stomach on my bed now#but a few minutes ago as we were settling down she got under the desk and honked her head#*bonked#not hard but like#she just sat back and looked so confused and offended#and she made me laugh and what a character what an idiot what a baby#MY idiot MY baby#and i love her so fucking much#personal
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thinking about Greek mythology is so important actually
#I’m sorry but some tragedies are bouncing around my head and I’m trying to grasp them but they’re slipping through my tear-soaked palms#there’s so many and they’re so meaningful and the common themes between them are so amazing that I can’t sit down to think of just one w/o#referencing another#so I’m j popping between analyzing like fifteen myths
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How to show emotions
Part IV
How to show bitterness
tightness around their eyes
pinched mouth
sour expression on their face
crossed arms
snorting angrily
turning their eyes upward
shaking their head
How to show hysteria
fast breathing
chest heaving
trembling of their hands
weak knees, giving in
tears flowing down their face uncontrollably
laughing while crying
not being able to stand still
How to show awe
tension leaving their body
shoulders dropping
standing still
opening mouth
slack jaw
not being able to speak correctly
slowed down breathing
wide eyes open
softening their gaze
staring unabashingly
How to show shame
vacant stare
looking down
turning their head away
cannot look at another person
putting their head into their hands
shaking their head
How to show being flustered
blushing
looking down
nervous smile
sharp intake of breath
quickening of breath
blinking rapidly
breaking eye contact
trying to busy their hands
playing with their hair
fidgeting with their fingers
opening mouth without speaking
Part I + Part II + Part III + Part V
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#how to show emotions#how to write#writing prompts#writing ideas#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writing prompt#writing inspiration#show not tell
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