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sillygoose067 · 2 months ago

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Crash Landing Into You

Joaquin Torres x female reader

Joaquin wasn’t exactly Avengers-famous. Not in the “signs autographs” or “front of the mission briefing” kind of way. He was the support guy. The gear-up-and-back-up guy. But when Sam had tossed him an invite to a low-key rooftop party—“Not a gala, just a hangout. Some shield folks, some old Avengers. Come chill”—he didn’t hesitate.

He needed a break. A night without a harness digging into his shoulder blades. Somewhere he could eat something not freeze-dried and actually talk to people without background gunfire.

And anyway, Sam said there might be cake.

So here he was, solo in a sea of mostly-familiar faces, warm light strung overhead, a breeze skimming through the city like it was taking a victory lap of its own.

He made his rounds early. Said hey to Torres from Intel—no relation, but they always fist-bumped. Talked up a couple of tech specialists from the DOD about neural interface updates. There was a guy from the Air Force talking propulsion systems, and that sparked a half-hour tangent where Joaquin completely forgot to blink.

“Wait, you actually linked a HUD visual to sub-vocal muscle twitch?” he asked, eyebrows climbing. “Man, that’s insane. You got numbers on latency?”

He was glowing—body buzzing in that familiar rush of overlapping tech-talk, theory, mechanics, potential. He loved it. It felt like flight even when he was on solid ground.

But even golden retrievers need water breaks.

He slipped away when someone mentioned deep-space communications (not his thing), grabbed a drink, and headed to the edge of the rooftop to catch his breath. From up here, the city hummed like a living organism—windows glittering, headlights threading down avenues.

And for once, he felt still.

Then, without meaning to, his eyes scanned the party again.

He wasn’t looking for anyone. But some instinct pulled his gaze toward the far corner of the patio, just beyond the heaters and tables—where a few kids were parked with juice boxes and crayons. He might’ve looked away immediately… except someone else was with them.

You were seated on a bench, cross-legged, shoulders loose, completely unbothered by the party around you. You were wearing a navy wrap dress, simple and modest, the kind of thing someone wore when they didn’t know if it would be weird to dress up or down.

…And entertaining three kids who were talking a mile a minute. You were listening— nodding along, asking questions, smiling like this whole event had been thrown just for them.

Something about it made Joaquin’s heart stumble.

He hadn’t seen you around HQ or during missions. Which meant…you probably weren’t SHIELD or military. And judging by the way you looked at those kids, the easy warmth behind your laugh…

“You’ve been staring,” said a voice to his right.

Joaquin jumped. Sam Wilson was holding a glass of lemonade and smirking.

“No, I haven’t,” Joaquin lied immediately.

“You definitely have,” Sam replied. “What, she got a laser on her forehead or something?”

Joaquin cleared his throat. “I just—I was wondering who she’s with. She doesn’t look like she’s part of the team.”

“Yeah…,” Sam said simply. “Normal. That’s not a bad thing.” He nudged Joaquin lightly. “Besides, I saw your face, Torres. You looked like someone just handed you a puppy.”

Joaquin let out a short laugh, shook his head. “I dunno, man. She’s probably someone’s cousin. I’d rather not interrupt the coloring summit going on over there.”

Sam grinned. “Sounds like an excuse.”

Joaquin didn’t answer. But he kept sipping his drink a little slower, glancing over again.

He lingered by the drink table a few minutes longer, trying to be casual about it. But his eyes kept drifting—back to you, still surrounded by those kids, still lit up in a way that had nothing to do with the party lights.

He didn’t overthink it this time.

Crossed the patio and told himself it wasn’t a big deal.

You were mid-discussion with a wide-eyed little girl about whether or not Thor had ever been to space on a goat. (“Definitely yes,” you were saying, “but I think the goats get travel sick.”)

Joaquin crouched beside your bench, resting one arm across his knee, voice light and warm.

“Excuse me, sorry—I think I’m interrupting an intergalactic livestock debate?”

You blinked, surprised, turning to look at him.

The little boy next to you gasped. “It’s the new Falcon!”

Joaquin gave a humble shrug.

The kids immediately launched into questions—what it was like flying, had he ever raced Sam, did his suit come in red—and he answered every one like it was the most important mission briefing of his life. But every so often, he’d glance at you again. Noticing how you stayed quiet, just smiling, not trying to insert yourself or redirect.

Finally, when a parent called the kids over for cake, Joaquin was left standing in front of you. You straightened slightly, brushing your skirt smooth as you rose.

“They love you,” you said softly. “You made their whole night.”

He shrugged, a bit sheepish. “They started it. I just followed their lead.”

There was a beat of silence. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

“You, uh…you work with kids?”

You nodded. “Pediatric surgeon. Emergency and trauma.”

His eyebrows lifted, impressed. “That’s intense.”

You gave a small smile. “It has its moments. But the kids make it worth it.”

There it was again—that same glow he’d noticed earlier. Not just kindness, but a whole-hearted presence.

“And you?” you asked, meeting his gaze for the first real time.

He hesitated—not because he didn’t know, but because for the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel like listing off flight metrics or suit specs.

“I guess…I’m still figuring it out,” he said. “I help out where I can. Mostly flight support, recon. Backup wingman.”

You tilted your head. “That sounds important.”

He smiled at that.

After a pause, he leaned in a little, dropping his voice.

“So. Be honest. Did you come here willingly, or did someone bribe you with cupcakes?”

You laughed. “Roommate dragged me. Said it’d be low-key.”

“And how’s that working out?”

You looked around—lights, buzz, clink of glasses—then back to him. “Pretty sure she and I have different definitions of low-key.”

That made his heart skip, just slightly.

He let the moment hang for a beat, then nodded toward the rooftop stairs.

“Wanna sneak out? Grab some real food? I know a diner a few blocks from here. No one will ask you to explain a single acronym.”

You hesitated—surprised, maybe, or just caught off-guard by how fast this all felt.

But something in his eyes made it feel safe.

You smiled. “Sure. Just let me grab my bag.”

———-

The neon hum of the sign outside buzzed faintly through the window. You were halfway through a milkshake, and Joaquin was telling a story about the time he accidentally activated his wings in a hardware store.

“And I swear, this poor old guy thought I was a drone attack. Dropped his wrench and bolted.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “How are you not a walking headline?”

“I am, I just keep getting pushed below the fold,” he joked, nudging his fries toward you.

The conversation moved easily—his time in the military, your worst overnight shifts, both of you tossing stories back and forth like a tennis match you didn’t want to end.

Somewhere between your third refill and your fry count getting dangerously low, the table fell quiet.

He was watching you. In a way that made your skin feel warm under the fluorescent lights.

And then—

“Can I ask you something?”

You looked up, surprised. “Yeah?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Can I take you out sometime? Like��a real date.”

You blinked, stunned by the sincerity.

Then your lips curved. “This one wasn’t?”

He grinned, cheeks pink now. “So that’s a yes?”

You nodded. “That’s a yes.”

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littlethingsmart · 2 years ago

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(source)

#crayola #crayon items #electronics #old tech #under 20 #paid link

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ckret2 · 6 months ago

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Chapter 81 of human Bill Cipher not enjoying being the Mystery Shack's prisoner but being even less keen on being the government's prisoner: the feds are snooping around the shack, nobody likes this, and so a family meeting is called to discuss how to send them packing.

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"I just kept telling him I didn't know anything," said Soos. He was slumped bonelessly on the couch, wiping his sweaty forehead with his sleeve and holding a soda in one shaky hand. "I accidentally said I don't know anything when he asked where he could get lunch in town!"

"You did good, Soos," Stan said. "That's how you handle feds—don't tell 'em anything."

Stan and Ford had called a household meeting, and now everyone was packed into the living room: Soos and the kids on the couch, Stan and Abuelita in the armchairs, Bill and Wendy at the living room table, and Ford out in the entryway so he could pace.

(Everyone was wearing deely boppers. Mabel had had a very productive day.)

Even Waddles and Gompers had been dragged to the mandatory meeting. Gompers had already eaten the pink pompoms off Waddle's deely boppers and was now trying to eat the hem of Dipper's shorts while Dipper tried to push him back from touching the sunburns on his legs.

"What are we gonna do?" Dipper asked. "Last year these guys tried to arrest Stan, and he was still using a fake name back then—so now, the agents could be after Stan or Ford."

"Dial back the pessimism. Right now, they're not after anybody," Bill said. "They're just following up on the eclipse from last week." And a tip about somebody dangerous in the shack. Bill pushed those worries aside. "They don't have any reason to come back!"

"Except the flash drive," Soos said. "Which they know is here. Inside the shack. Cuz they sensed it."

"Right. Yep. Except that," Bill said. "Hey, Dolores—howsabout you whip up one of your special 'welcome to the shack' dinners for them? I'm sure they'd enjoy it just as much as I did."

Dolores nodded thoughtfully. (The tiny sleigh bells on her deely boppers jingles.) "I could," she said. "But what would we do with the bodies?"

"We've got the perfect in-house body disposal! Chop 'em up and feed 'em to the pig."

"Nooo!" Mabel flung her arms protectively over Waddles. He oinked neutrally. "We're not feeding people to Waddles!"

"He'd probably love it!"

"Uh-uh."

"Fine, then the gnomes," Bill said.

Ford said, "Let's call murder 'Plan B.'"

Bill rolled his eye. "All right, smart guy, what's Plan A?"

Ford didn't immediately reply. He paced for another few seconds in the entryway, gathering his thoughts. "There are three ways this could end badly. We have to find a way to prevent all of them," he finally said. "One: the agents discover that there's something under the house and find the portal. Two: the agents remember there's something under the house, and realize they've been brainwashed. Three: the agents retrieve their flash drive, and that reminds them something's under the house."

Stan added, "And if any of those happens, we're both going to jail. Probably Soos too, as an accomplice. Kids might even be in trouble for escaping custody last year." Dipper and Mabel exchanged an alarmed look.

Bill looked at Wendy. "Hey, look who's off the hook." He held up a hand.

"Woo-hoo!" She high-fived him. "We'll visit the rest of you guys in jail."

Mournfully, Mabel asked, "If we get arrested, can you send me crayons?"

"I'll get you one of those boxes with a hundred crayons," Bill said. "And hide a shank in that yellowy green one you never use."

"Thanks."

But if any of those three scenarios came true, that meant government agents crawling all over Bill's portal. Best case scenario, it'd end up halfway across the country in a secret military base. There was tech left in the wreck in the basement that couldn't possibly be synthesized using Earth's current technology, and the Trilazzx Betian ship didn't have backup parts for all of them.

And that wasn't even taking that anonymous tip into account...

"I shouldn't have to go to jail," Ford grumbled. "I wasn't behind the crimes committed in my name, Stanley was."

"Hey," Stan said, "you're the one who impersonated a government agent! Besides, did you really not commit any crimes while building your dumb portal?"

Ford winced. "What's the statute of limitations on burgling radioactive waste?"

"Don't worry, Mothman," Bill called. (Ford self-consciously adjusted his deely boppers, which had paper moths taped to the ends.) "I tossed most of the incriminating evidence in the bottomless pit while you were asleep!"

"Wh— Is that where my lockpicking kit went?!"

"Haha, yeah!" Bill had bought Keyhole's loyalty for the next three hundred years with that.

Wendy waved a hand between Bill and Ford to interrupt their banter. "We can probably keep them from discovering the portal by just not giving them a reason to look behind the vending machine, right?"

"And if we keep them from getting Gompers, they won't get the flash drive," Dipper said.

Mabel said, "What if we put him on a plane to Japan! Do you wanna go to Japan, Gompers?"

Gompers looked at Mabel impassively.

"It's no good," Abuelita said. "It will take weeks to get a passport for the goat."

"Aww."

"There are plenty of ways we can keep their hands off the drive," Ford said. "We could just hide Gompers underground, for instance—there's no way their sensors can reach that far.

Oh no, not when it was clear someone had been down there tinkering with the portal. "Do that and they'll know we did something to hide it! We'll never get rid of them then."

"True," Ford sighed.

Bill said. "I'm most worried about them remembering something on their own. The agents mentioned the portal's gravitational anomalies from last summer—are they remembering something they shouldn't, or did you leave them with those memories?"

Ford hesitated, glancing uncertainly at Stan. Stan shrugged.

"Oh, right. You aren't the expert on how the memory gun operates." Bill rolled his eye toward Wendy. "You see how helpless he is without me around to feed him information?"

"Pshh, shut up. Keep me out of your weird old people academic grudge."

Dryly, Ford said, "Care to enlighten us with your superior knowledge, o god of wisdom?"

No, he really didn't. Not for Ford, anyway. He wouldn't even be grateful for it.

But, under the circumstances—knowing that the agents were after him, too... "Oh, why not," Bill said. "What did you enter in the gun? The exact wording."

Ford frowned, glancing toward the ceiling as he concentrated. "It was... I didn't know exactly how much they knew—I didn't even know which names they knew Stan under—so I tried to make it as broad as possible. I think it said something like 'Pines Household's Secrets'?"

Bill thought that over. "Okay. Okay, yeah, that works. That's perfect, actually—best answer you could have given. You never disappoint, IQ."

Ford was visibly unmoved by the flattery (which was just as well, because Bill had given it out of habit as he slid back into the role of teacher, and had immediately regretted it). "And I suppose you're going to explain why that wording is so important."

"I could," Bill said. "Do you want to know?"

Ford glowered at Bill, lips pressed together in a thin line. Bill stared back, brows arched expectantly. (Wendy looked between the two of them and snorted. Bill pushed her without breaking eye contact with Ford.)

Mabel said, "I wanna know."

"Good enough for me!" Bill hopped from his seat and crossed the living room to a spot where he could address the group more easily. "The memory gun doesn't actually destroy memories, it just severs the connections between those memories and the rest of the brain. Like snipping a squid's tentacles to free it from a squid king."

"What's a squid king?" Soos asked.

"It's like a rat king made of giant squid. It takes at least four to qualify because if their tentacles are knotted in a circle that's just a squid ring," Bill said. "So! Usually you find your own memories by their relationship to other memories. Driving by the grocery store reminds you that you need to go shopping, which reminds you that you're out of straws, which reminds you of when your doctor's eye got gouged out, which reminds you of those vampires in the library, which reminds you of that book you need to return, yadda yadda."

Stan said, "Wait, your doctor got what—?"

"He was fine, he had it coming, and I was nowhere nearby."

"And how's that get you to vampires?!"

"The tangy taste of blood left in your straw. Please hold any other questions to the end!" Bill said. "But, since the memory gun severs a memory from the ones connected to it, you can't be indirectly reminded of it—the chain's been broken. But the memory'sstill there. All it takes is a direct reminder to recall it, and then it starts reattaching to your other memories. Everyone with me so far?" He directed the question in Mabel's direction.

Mabel nodded. Ford opened his mouth to ask a question.

"Great," Bill said. "But! What gets severed is determined by whatever you programmed into the gun. So, for example, if you run into a vampire in the library, then get shot with a memory gun programmed with the word 'Vampires,' there's no more jumping from your doctor to that late book! And you won't remember your vampire encounter if you wander around the library—at most, you might get a sense of deja vu—but you will get back your memory of the whole thing if you run into another vampire!"

He nodded toward Ford. "So 'Pines household's secrets is the best phrase you could've picked. It means they forgot any Pines secrets—including Stanley's criminal record—any household secrets—including the machine in the basement—and since they only forgot the 'secrets,' they can run into anything that isn't secret without recovering their severed memories—like, say, the entire upstairs of the shack."

Slowly, Ford said, "Then that's why they remember last year's gravitational anomalies. The cause is one of our secrets, but the anomalies themselves aren't a secret—they're a matter of public record."

"Bingo," Bill said. "Well! That should be simple enough. Any questions?"

Mabel raised a hand.

Bill pointed at her. "Yes!"

"Are there vampires at the library?"

"Not anymore!"

"Aw."

Dipper asked, "Did you murder your doctor with a straw?"

"I did not and I won't be taking any more questions on the topic, it was a very traumatic experience" for the patient who went in after Bill.

Stan asked, "Why are you wearing a bedsheet for a skirt."

"Because somebody—" Bill shot Soos a dark look, "grabbed all my perfectly clean clothes for laundry day, and left me with a bedsheet and one dirty t-shirt."

Soos chuckled sheepishly. "Whoops. Sorry, dude."

Ford grudgingly raised a hand.

Bill grudgingly said, "What."

"Are squid kings real."

"Yes. As of last summer there were seven with at least fifty giant squid, but two were negotiating a merger so it might be six by now. I haven't had a chance to check!"

"Negotiating a merger? Do—do they combine voluntarily?"

"Oh, sure. In droves. It's a huge honor! The one I'm friends with says the psychic powers are totally worth the eventual zombification—they're ninety percent undead now and haven't regretted it once in five hundred years."

Ford opened his mouth, got stuck between three questions, and didn't manage to settle on one before Abuelita raised a hand.

Bill's attention switched to her. "Yes!"

With an air of patience unwarranted by Bill's actions, Abuelita asked, "Why are you standing on my TV."

Bill looked down. So he was. "This is my lecture podium."

Abuelita's eyes narrowed. Bill cheerfully ignored her. "Any questions about the memory gun?"

There was a general murmured agreement that, no, that part had been pretty clear. Stan snapped, "Now get off the TV."

As Bill hopped down and caught his balance, Wendy said, "So... as long as they don't know any of the shack's secrets and we get the flash drive out of Gompers before they're back, we're cool, right? We can just erase their files and say 'hey, sorry, the goat pooped this out, totally not our fault.' If they don't remember anything, it's not like they've got a reason to keep investigating the shack."

Bill tried to imagine how they'd react if he told them someone had anonymously reported him to the agents. What if they decided scapegoating him could protect the rest of them from the investigation? (And was he sure it wasn't someone in the room who'd reported him?) "Yep! Pretty much! That'd solve our problems!"

"Okay," Wendy said. "Great. So... we're good, right?"

The room studied each other uneasily, everyone waiting for someone else to answer. "Yes," Ford said unconvincingly. "We're good. Er—kids, we need to... discuss the details of... how to handle this. You don't need to stick around." He looked at Stan. Stan gave him a slight nod. (It made the googly eyes on his deely boppers wiggle.)

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance. Dipper said, "Are you sure? We could..."

"I'm sure. Maybe you should go upstairs," Ford said. "Leave Gompers here."

Mabel sat up straighter, preparing to argue, and glanced toward Bill; but when Bill shrugged rather than ready to defend her, she sighed and poked Dipper. "C'mon." ("Ow." He pushed her finger away from his sunburned arm.) They left reluctantly, Mabel escorting Waddles along with her.

Ford tilted his head toward the door. "That means you too, Miss Corduroy. Hup hup."

Wendy groaned. "Fine." She slid out of her seat and headed for the door. "Hey Goldie, let me know if anything interesting happens."

"You got it, cool girl."

Soos raised a hand. "Am I one of the kids?"

"Not today," Ford said.

"Aw."

Sensing a change in the atmosphere, Abuelita got to her feet. "I will get dinner started." She shuffled out of the room.

Bill waited until the door shut behind Wendy and he was sure the kids were upstairs; and then asked, "So are we kicking the kids out for the reason I think?"

"Afraid so. Now that the government knows the flash drive is here, they'll be back with a warrant as soon as possible. We can't waste any time." Ford knelt next to Gompers and pulled out a scalpel. "Somebody hold the goat down."

"Whoa!" Stan jumped to his feet. His deely bopper googly eyes rattled in alarm. "Were you just carrying that around?!"

Bill was abruptly reminded of one of the reasons he'd liked Ford. He squatted next to him. "All right, I can see where the drive's lodged, I can tell you where to cut—"

"Dudes!" Soos flung himself across Gompers. 'You can't cut him open! He's like part of the family! He's been eating out of the shack's garbage for years, does that mean nothing to you?!" (Gompers attempted to eat the foam lightning bolts off Soos's deely boppers.)

Bill groaned. "Come on, who cares?! It's not like he's a person anymore!"

The room stared at Bill. Stan said, "Did you say 'anymore'?"

Bill paused. "Forget I said that."

Ford sighed. "Fine, we'll try to find a solution without surgery." (But, Bill thought, he sounded a little disappointed.) "But if we're using a slower method, the agents might be back before we can retrieve the flash drive. We need a way to stop them from finding it."

"Or from finding the door behind the vending machine," Soos said. "Now that they know the drive's been here, they're gonna keep looking until they find it! What if they think it might've fallen behind the vending machine or something?"

"What we need is a distraction," Stan said. "Something that'll keep 'em from searching the shack too thoroughly."

"And ideally, something that will keep them from coming back," Ford said. "They keep returning to Gravity Falls because of the power surges and related gravity anomalies in town, correct? Obviously, the meteor shower story wasn't convincing enough. If we give them an explanation that lets them close the case completely..."

Which was all well and good, except they weren't just looking for power surges and gravity hiccups anymore. They thought somebody in the shack was a threat to national security. Bill had kept suspicion away from himself for the day by pretending to be a tourist, but if the eagles got serious, that wouldn't last long. If they were watching the shack, they'd realize Bill was a resident; and if they tried to investigate him at all, they'd quickly realize they couldn't find any legal records of his existence. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the Theraprism's reincarnation machine hadn't given him the right skin color to get away with that in this country, especially during a witch hunt for a suspected terrorist.

And, worse—what if they did identify him?

He'd heard Agent Trigger say Soos's alien keychains resembled the "real thing." The Bureau of Covert Investigations didn't tell all its agents about all its cases—but it sounded like these two had been to Hangar 618 at least once.

So had Bill.

Over 60 years ago, a military experiment had accidentally ripped open a very small hole to the Nightmare Realm. Not big enough for Bill to squeeze his full self through (HA! Not even close), but big enough to project a hologram through—something solid enough for the soldiers who'd detected the temporary rift to see and touch. And, naturally, they'd hauled his hologram to Hangar 618—the five-sensed suckers thought the projection was his real body—where they hid all their unidentified fallen objects.

It had been fun! He'd gotten to use all his army name puns (Major Pain, General Disarray, Private Shame, etc.), he'd lived out a centuries-old dream of snorting a line of gunpowder, he'd gotten Commander I-Don't-Even-Know-'Er to sing "On Top of Spaghetti" in exchange for Bill agreeing to leave the artillery room, he'd learned a dirty joke from the nurse brought in to assist with his vivisection, he'd introduced himself to half the base...

He'd introduced himself.

Somewhere, probably in some redacted appendix to Project Blue Book, the US military had a file on Bill Cipher—and so did the eagles. They knew his name. Hell, they even had his thumbprints—obviously alien thumbprints, that he'd retained when he reincarnated. Every object in the shack he'd ever touched carried the proof that he was Bill Cipher.

If whoever had sent the Bureau a tip had mentioned his name... Well, there were a lot of Bills in America, but not a lot using the last name "Cipher." There were probably under fifty living humans who knew about the triangle in Hangar 618, but for those who did, hearing that name resurface in Gravity Falls would blow their gelatinous little minds. He was sure they would love to get their hands on him again. He bet they'd be fascinated to find out how a triangle had fit into a human skin.

Getting hauled into a secret government facility had only been fun when his true self was still in the Nightmare Realm and the part of him in captivity had been a projection made of light, dreams, and lethal doses of radiation. Plus, that had been before he really, truly knew what it was like to be a captive. Now, the thought of being hauled back to that interrogation room—with the cheap metal chairs and gray floor and gray walls and stark sharp light—made him nauseous. The idea of being questioned about himself by some arrogant buzzkill in a suit sounded too much like therapy for comfort.

And it would be so much easier for them to keep him from escaping when he was weighed down by flesh.

Nobody was protecting Bill. The Pines weren't above throwing him under the bus if they thought it might save their precious little family from arrest. There was nothing for it. If he wanted to save himself—he had to help.

"Listen," Bill said. "I have an idea. It's iffy, and it'll require you all to trust me a bit..." He paused to give them an opportunity to laugh.

Only Stan chuckled. Good enough for Bill. "But, it might be our best shot."

"Okay," Ford said warily. "What is it."

"Bear with me," Bill said. "I bet I could get the head agent off our case by flirting with him a little."

And that time they laughed at him.

Bill patiently waited. "Okay, okay, ha ha, but the guy's been leering at me the last two days. Ask Wendy, she's the one who noticed! And do you know what his love life looks like? Because I do. Woof. Dry as a bone. That man's married to his work! He's lonelier than Elvis is!"

"Wait," Ford said. "What does that mean? Where's Elvis?"

"Not important. The point is, he's a soft target, he's already into this—" he gestured disdainfully at his human body, "and he's got the loosest lips in the eagles. I make a little small talk, I compliment his mustache and pretend I think working for the government is attractive, I keep him too dazzled to notice what's right in front of his face..." Bill trailed off. "And... that's as far as I've gotten. We'll figure it out as we go! Maybe I just distract him too much to do his job, maybe I strangle him in the bathroom and sell his body parts to half a dozen inhuman vendors in the Crawlspace, I don't know! I'll improvise!"

"It's barely half a plan," Ford said.

"It's the biggest fraction of a plan we have. What do we have to lose?"

"I think he might be on to something," Stan said. "I mean, consider it. Bill's an objectively beautiful woman."

The room stared at him. Bill flipped up his eyepatch to double his stare.

"What! It's just a fact!"

"Aww, Stan." Bill laced his hands together coquettishly and batted his lashes.

"Save it."

"Stanley. I had no idea you felt that way about me—"

"Can it, Cipher! " Stan curled a fist threateningly. Bill winked at him. Stan shuddered. "Eugh. Physical attraction's only gonna carry you so far, demon! Can you attract a man when you're talking to him? Because personally, I find you less appealing every time you open your mouth—and you were in the negatives the first time we met."

Bill thought about that. Bill thought about all his human cultists. Bill thought about all his human cultists whom he'd caught having scandalous dreams about endless staring eyes and cool black hands that buzzed with static and being fully exposed before the golden glory of an ever-watching false sun. Bill thought about that one time he tried to ask one of his sects to at least invite him to his own wedding and wait for him to RSVP before symbolically marrying more cult novitiates to him and they sorta nodded and said "okay" and then went and wedded him to another dozen Cipherwives anyway. "Yeah! Sure! No problem! I attract humans all the time! They can't get enough of this!"

"Okay, but can you attract a human that isn't into freaky space triangle things?"

Bill tapped his index fingers together thoughtfully. "Ummm..."

####

1981

A clubber eyed the hands of the man sitting at the bar beside him.

The man noticed the look and turned toward the clubber, grinning too wide, staring at him with yellowish slitted eyes that seemed to flash in the dim light like a cat's. "Yeah, I know." He drummed his fingers on the bar top. "Six fingers."

The clubber flinched at being caught staring. "Oh—sorry."

"Don't be! It's a built-in conversation starter!" The six-fingered yellow-eyed man laughed. "Hey! Have you ever had six fingers before?"

"Uhh," the clubber said. "Nnno?"

"Would you like to?" The man winked with both eyes, one at a time.

The clubber frowned at him in confusion, and then slowly turned away without answering.

####

"Sure," Bill cheerfully lied. "No problem!"

####

There was a knock on the attic bedroom door. Mabel opened it.

Stan and Ford stood in the doorway with a sulky Bill in between them. Stan pushed Bill into the room and said, "Teach him how to flirt."

Mabel gasped in delight.

####

(Well that took way later than I wanted it to—but it's finally out.

Head's up, I've got two zine deadlines that take priority, my workload triples at the end of the year, and I'm currently preparing the house to welcome home a new baby*, so we might skip next week's chapter. Hopefully not, though; I'd hate to start the new year that way. We'll see.

*it's a snake. the new baby is a boa constrictor.

Let me know what y'all think! I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanart #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher #(Edit: 'oh i did SUCH a good job remembering to draw Young Ford's hair' says artist who hasn't yet noticed the art has Old Ford's eyebrows)#(fixed now)

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chadobi · 12 days ago

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Raising the Next Generation | TMNT bayverse x Reader Kids!!

TW: Miscarriage (please read note at the end🤍)

Marcus (18) – Leo’s son

His name, Marcus, was chosen by Leo and means “warrior” (a nod to strength, leadership, and discipline)

He secretly plays a bamboo flute when he’s alone , it’s how he calms his mind.

He was the first mutant child born into the family and the first to complete ninja training from a very young age.

Despite being serious, he has a soft spot for Noah and often carries him on his shoulders.

He’s fascinated by the stars and knows almost every constellation by name.

Marie (16) – Donnie’s daughter

She’s named after Marie Skłodowska-Curie. Chosen by Donnie to honor one of his scientific heroes.

Like her mom, Marie has a photographic memory and can recall entire pages after reading them once. (you get the reference? hehe if don’t here is answer: …)

Her room is filled with glowing constellations, 3D models of molecules, and custom-built tech.

She once hacked into a security system just to help Max get his game account back.

She sometimes wears her dad’s oversized goggles for fun, even if they’re way too big.

Alec (15) – Leo’s son

His name means “defender of mankind” but he jokes it should mean “trouble magnet.”

He has a scar on his eyebrow from sneaking out to do a rooftop stunt at 10 years old.

He often “borrows” Marcus’s weapons and gets scolded for it, then does it again anyway.

He loves fast movement , sprinting, parkour, rooftop jumping, anything that gives him adrenaline.

He pretends he doesn’t care what Leo thinks, but he secretly keeps an old photo of just the two of them in his drawer.

Nova (15) – Raph’s daughter

Her name means “new star”, because Raph said she lit up his world the first time he held her.

She’s incredible at both painting and boxing, a strange but perfect combination.

She keeps a sketchbook full of emotional drawings she never shows anyone… except maybe you.

She once punched Alec for making fun of Ginny and broke his nose. Raph grounded her but also bought her ice cream.

Her favorite hoodie is actually one of Raph’s old workout shirts that she stole and never gave back.

Max (13) – Mikey’s son

Max loves making funny videos and even has a secret channel where he posts animations and skits (with voiceovers by Mikey).

He once taught Noah how to skateboard using a pillow and a lot of yelling.

He’s obsessed with pineapple pizza and has tried to convert the entire family.

He wears mismatched socks every single day, it’s his lucky charm.

Max often talks about wanting a little sibling, not knowing that his own birth was a miracle. You and Mikey tried for years to have a child, and you suffered two heartbreaking miscarriages before him. The moment you held Max for the first time, you both cried, not just because he was beautiful, but because he was your long-awaited light after the darkest times.

Ginny (12) – Raph’s daughter

Her name is short for Genevieve, which means “woman of the race” chosen to honor strength through quiet resilience.

She’s incredibly good at parkour and climbing, and often trains in silence when no one’s around.

She prefers solo sports, especially gymnastics and obstacle courses.

She rarely speaks in large groups but has a very dry, clever sense of humor when she’s comfortable.

She always tapes her fingers before training, a habit she picked up from Raph, even if she doesn’t need it.

Noah (6) – Leo’s son

His name was chosen because it symbolized peace and new beginnings after a difficult year for the family.

He’s obsessed with toy swords and has named each one after a superhero.

He often “patrols” the house with a towel cape and makes Marcus act like a villain so he can “save the day.”

He once drew a crayon picture of the whole family and gave Leo three muscles on each arm.

He insists on wearing socks with turtles on them because “they look like Dad.”

———————————

Hey there!

I hope you’re all satisfied and enjoying my take on the TMNT boys’ kids headcanons! I put a lot of thought into their children’s personalities and everything around them.

I know I touched on the topic of miscarriage here, and I understand it can be uncomfortable or painful for some people. However, I decided to include it because, sadly, it’s something that happens to many people in real life.

I personally know several couples who have gone through it, and I wanted to mention it here to remind us that life isn’t always perfect, these things happen too.

If this is something you’ve experienced, I’m truly sorry 🩷

You are incredibly strong, and you’re not alone in this.

#tmnt leonardo #tmnt mikey #tmnt #tmnt x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt donatello #tmnt raphael #tmnt headcanons #tmnt bayverse raph x reader #tmnt bayverse #tmnt bayverse x you #tmnt bayverse raphael #tmnt bayverse leo #tmnt bayverse donnie x reader #tmnt bayverse mikey #tmnt bayverse donatello #tmnt bayverse x reader #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016

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