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#teens / early twenties anymore....................
piko-power · 1 month
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
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When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
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You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
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During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
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But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
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Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
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Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
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-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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genderjester · 3 months
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I dont necessarily need to live w a romantic partner but i do need to either live alone or live with someone i can wear tiny shorts and crop tops without a bra around without it being weird bc my current flatmates and me are cool but we are not that level of close lmaoo so if i wanna get something from a shared area i always need to put on something to cover up a bit
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bioswear · 2 years
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GOOD MORNING, CATHEDRAL CITY
Yesterday’s body count lottery rounded out to a solid n’ sturdy thirty! Ten outta Caerleon Territory - gang wars keepin’ it classy, kids. One officer down, so I guess you are all SCREWED! Cause the CCPD will not let that go. Got another blackout in Copied City. Netrunners are at it again, pokin’ holes in the power grid. While over in Seafront, Trauma Team’s scraping Logic Virus victims off the pavement. And in the Aerie… well… the Aerie is still the Aerie.
Art by Julia C. | Bioswear (c) 2022
Oh boy, this was a damn big dream AU that I cooked up a few weeks ago and I’m really excited to have this as a side project when I want to take a break from my original personal project.
Each character from drakenier is to a character role in the CP game, but it is not a crossover a simple retelling of the CP story (that’s boring).
Also I actually, coincidentally enough, ended up playing both Drakengard 3 and Cyberpunk2077 at the same time and would switch between the two if I ever got bored or frustrated. I also have never really considered one to be synonymous to the other, so it’s funny that they’ve merged now.
Thanks for looking!
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yutadori · 4 months
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it's so crazy and isolating hearing my friends talk about how they want kids u__u
#i saw my friend for the first time in months on sun (we've still been keeping in touch though so it doesnt feel like that much time has#passed) and she's always been staunchly against having kids#but then we started talking about ivf (thanks to pussypedia when i flipped it open to a random page) and she talked about how she'd conside#having kids in the future and i was like HUH ???#not out loud of course but .#she's been with her bf for almost a year now and i think being with him has changed her mind#she mentioned how he has a big family like he has a lot of siblings and his parents each have a lot of siblings themselves#so i dont really see him shifting towards the idea of not having kids bc of that idkkkk#and she said that she sees it as a chance to give kids a better life than she had and :/#idk i'm really set on never having kids ever because i dont think i could ever do it + i dont have any sort of desire or pull towards the#and i never really felt bad about it or swayed but now that my friend who was really firm on Not having kids is changing her mind i feel#kind of bad about it for some reason !?!?!?#idk it feels a bit selfish to be upset that she changed her mind but idk it's kinda isolating#i think i only have one friend now who doesnt want kids#but if that changes then its going to probably feel .__.#i know none of my friends are going to shame me for it but :/#idk . it feels weird and bad lol but also i dont want to have kids just because i feel left out or looked down on#ss#its even scarier because we're getting closer to the age where people start having kids..... like what do you mean we're not in our late#teens / early twenties anymore....................
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wyrmswears · 2 years
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shoutout to grubbs for being my favourite reject the call trope
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#i was thinking about him and juni and how they are under such similar circumstances and both turned out so different and yet so similar#like. ok. you have juni who is forced into using her power for good since she was a child.#on earth a hundred years have passed. the world is unrecognisable to her. on her end? shes only 20 and has outlived everyone she knows#ok disclaimer uhm. i dont remember how old she is in demon thief but i THINK shes late teens or early twenties so 20 is her age for now#grubbs on the otherhand possesses his own talents. strong ass magical capabilities for one#he isnt kidnapped like juni. beranabus doesnt force him to be a disciple. but he says that if grubbs doesnt then hes a coward#which yknow after seeing bo run back into the depths of slawter in the hopeless attempt to not abandon her family. yeah fair#juni lets her spite and anger about her role build up inside her until she just. doesnt fucking care anymore and she would do anything to#escape. kill people. kill her friends.#grubbs of course has bad past with lord loss so he doesnt exactly have the same option but to him juni is everything he doesnt want to be#but after wolf island he?? is sort of like her?? i suppose he just starts his Morally Grey arc here. yknow. eating people.#but theres a sense of fuck it. if hes going down then hes the universe with him.#grah this isnt comprehendable#anyway you can tell what one i drew late at night and what one i drew at a reasonable time#i wasnt sure whether to post these because its not work that i care about but honestly at this point the demonata tag is the#'ohh two cakes' thing. the demonata tag is STARVED#demonata#the demonata#grubbs grady#eat up bitches (two people)#grah ALSO#ihave so many thoughts i love tags#grubbs' reject the call is deeply rooted in his trauma#i love the portrayal of his trauma its actually so fucking good#i think about early lord loss grubbs a lot. the kind of grubbs who stayed with random family members and traumadumped to their kids#because idk the interaction of him telling these kids that demons killed his family out of nowhere is such a weirdly human interaction#ok goodnight demonata nation (two people. including me)#wyrm draws
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sodafrog13 · 10 months
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man the irony of trans inclusive spaces still supporting harry patter is beyond me
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pendraegon · 1 year
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astrologylunadream · 1 year
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When will I find love?💗⏳🌙 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)
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Hey it's Lunadream🤗 This time I bring you a lovely reading for a very lovely person!♡👆 hope you find your message🌸
Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If something doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)
Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the love you long for, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🌸💞
Pile 1⏰
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Pile 2☎️
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Pile 3☕
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Pile 4🌹
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Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡
On to the readings —> 💕🍰⏳
Pile 1⏰
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Sign energy: Close, 9th house, Resist, Pisces, Ring, 9th house, Sagittarius, Libra, Aquarius, 4th house, 🕊📚💤💆‍♂️
🌙Your energy: You are more reversed so to speak, you have been dreaming of the perfect relationship. I'm hearing enchanted "I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss" yes that's you😂💗 You are a hopeless romantic and you may be fascinated in many cultures and religions. You could be very smart even if you don't think so, you are a natural problem solver. You don't like conflict or bad vibes either! You may be more proper or well mannered. You are just so delicate and sweet-💗💗💗 You may fantasize about an outstanding love story with many plot twists and adventures, you're really hoping and searching for a message (omg here it is! :D) and you're waiting for devine timing to set in place. You may feel like you will be single forever but that's not the case💕 You could be very fun and artistic, you love fashion and might really be into vintage styles. You want a partner to be familiar and comfortable with, someone who is witty and romantic. All you want is to be held😩💗 You're such a pretty soul I swear. You may be into pinterest or spend a lot of time online, you could look at aesthetic photos and just spend a lot of time on your phone lol. You love learning and you really want to search for love, you are willing to go on a crazy adventure just to find it... your dream romance!☁️💌 You love dreaming and fantasizing a lot too, you want someone to hug and touch.
⏳When will you find love: Us, Face, Truth, Age, Right, Uranus, Libra, Venus, 8th house, Saturn, 🦊🚨🗯💧 Alright this is interesting.⭐ Some of you are most likely younger but not all, I'm seeing teens to early twenties, but that might not necessarily be the case I just see someone who is very youthful and you might not have many experiences with love yet!💓 I feel like my lovely pile 1 you're in the dreaming phase where you really want a partner and wonder what it's like to be in a commited relationship so for you, you're going to find love when you're ready to commit. So much will have changed by the time you find your person, like you might not even be the same person I think your ideas and views on love may be very different when this happens. You will most likely be very mature even, and I can see for some of you this could be a time where you have overcome your daydreaming phase you know, your fantasies about romance. You might have changed the way you give and receive love. Now this could be good or bad but I'm seeing good for most of you because you could've had a habit of overlooking red flags or toxic behavior due to your kindness or seeing things through rose colored lenses, you might have lacked realistic views on love so I feel like when you actually find love this won't be a problem for you anymore, you would have overcome this.✊💗 This will definitely be a more mature time in your life where you have learned a lot and you have so much control over yourself and what you choose to put your energy into~🌙 I'm getting with the 8th house energy along with Saturn energy, you may find love in a most subtle most unusual way. You won't be very aware that you have found love until your future someone is open about it, this could take time as your person might need to make their decision and honestly commit to you.💌🔗
💖Your future lover's energy: Kitty, Night, Mindfulness, Doll, At last, Sagittarius, Sun, Neptune, Cancer, Libra, 🦚♓♉🦢 Omg you guys your person is so sweet🥺💗 They have a big heart and they are very honest with you. This is such a fun and adorable person I swear like they're such a keeper.😫They could be a sagittarius or pisces, any of the signs cancer, libra, taurus.😇 They make you smile so much and they may love cats or resemble such creatures~ They have an unreal or almost doll-like appearance. This is a very loyal person their energy is so trusting and kind, they treat you so well and take care of you, they are so delicate with you from the way they speak to the way they touch you💗💗 They could be artistic or a dreamer too and when you two are finally together they will just feel so complete like "finally I found the one!"🙏😍 They're also a hopeless romantic type for sure even if they don't seem that way on the surface omg they crave romance. They really want to impress you and they always remember the little things!! Like they're so quick to remember that expensive item you like and buy it for you as a romantic gift♡ Did I mention they love giving you gifts? Like they're so stable too so the time you find love with this person you are in a mature state of mind so are they like you guys will be on the same page. They will have a well paying job and very reliable, and omg they're the type to come over just so you two can cuddle.🥰😭 They make things so romantic without getting boring, You guys will have such a warm feeling when you two are together.💐 They are your perfect partner, you just fit together!💗
If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the clock emoji~⏰ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞
Pile 2☎️
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Sign energy: Match, Sugar, Soul, Connection, First, Taurus, Sagittarius, Gemini, 3rd house, 8th house, 🤭🛩🙄😘
🌙Your energy: Oh you're so cool okay so some of you may be a taurus rising/taurus in the 1st house or maybe you desire these traits in a partner. You want someone you can really connect with on the deepest levels, you want a loyal companion and fun conversations!🪂 You could be very social and you like adventure, many people look up to you because you're so inspiring⭐ You could be a foodie or love sweets too haha most of you might have taurus in your chart~ You have a great sense of humor and you like being sarcastic sometimes, your laugh is so addicting😳🌈 People describe you as fun and chill. You like memes and funny videos. You might be really into other cultures and you may enjoy listening to music from different countries. You have a diverse interest in everything and you just have this super sweet nature about you. You might kiss your besties a lot and you love having fun with people.😆 You really want someone who complements you well, like someone who has the qualities you want. You could have sagittarius/gemini placements aswell, also scorpio for some of you. I wanna be friends with pile 2😂💫
⏳When will you find love: Lover, Siren, Surface, Violence, Above, 10th house, 4th house, 7th house, Venus, 👻🙆‍♀️🛩🧸 My wonderful pile 2 you're gonna find love when you have overcome so much omg, this is going to be a time where you feel so empowered and strong.✊💫 Some of you may have finally broken off from a hurtful relationship, someone who hasn't been out for your best interest. Pile 2 you guys may still be healing from that but just know that during this time where you find love, you will have recovered from past experiences that were causing you pain. Anything that's affecting you currently, you will have made it out of all that and you're feeling so free because things and people just don't affect you like they used to during this period when you find love pile 2 this is a wonderful sign of healing.⭐ You will be very successful at the time and so much progress will be made, you will be above toxic behavior above bad cycles that weren't serving you. That's why during this time you will be open arms to receiving healthy love and relationships, so chances are this will be a very important time for my pile 2's. You will be focusing on self care and in turn this will attract so much good energy and people toward you, your self is most important after all.💗
💖Your future lover's energy: Myth, Song, South node, Street, Winter, Eros, Earth, 5th house, Vertex, Jupiter, 🌧🥊🙅‍♀️🤔 Alright lovely pile 2 your person is going to make you forget about your worries, this us someone who will sweep you off your feet and they just have so much to offer you😍 Sagittarius and Leo placements can be found, lots of fire and earth energy. Could be more masculine energy for some of you. Your future someone is so attractive and they may be like a certain type of person you thought didn't exist like "No that's not possible people just aren't like that in real life" that's what you thought at first but when you meet this person you will be so surprised that like there are people like this omg they exist😭💖 They go above and beyond for you like, they're almost over the top with their love for you lol💐🌹🎁🛍🤗 I'm talking thoughtful gifts, romantic gestures, surprises and hella smooth like they know just what to say to makes you blush.😘 Your future lover could be born in winter (january, february, march) or that season could he significant for this connection. They are really good at impressing you like almost too good it always so crazy how good they are to you. They could be creative or into music, they are the type to make you a playlist that reminds them of you <3 I'm not kidding like be prepared for a whirlwind romance omg😂❤ They could wear street style clothing or be into cool fashion, they like to experiment with their look. You guys will have so much fun together and this is someone you will not be able to forget~💫
Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the telephone emoji~☎️ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading⭐
Pile 3☕
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Sign energy: Lost in translation, Kiss, Chains, First impression, Water, Vertex, Fire, 8th house, Moon, 5th house, 🍭😍🟦💘
🌙Your energy: You have a very mysterious aura to you my pile 3's. Let's see I feel like you have a lot of emotions, you are more sensitive so to speak. I'm getting a soft vibe from you guys like you're very sweet and kind but also I feel like you're secretly really hot lol😂 Some of you could be Leo's, Scorpio's or Cancer's any of those <3 You might get lost in your own head and thoughts sometimes and it gets really hard to think straight. You have an intense desire for love and it means a lot to you, you don't want to be hurt.🤚 I'm sensing that for some you have been in a long term situationship or a one sided crush on someone, there's definitely someone on pile 3's mind already.🤭💗 Ahh okay you guys are really hoping you've already found love/the person you're looking for. You fantasize about a deeply romantic and intense partner. Some of you like the color blue, navy and could have heavy water energy. You like sweets and desserts, some of you could be foodies <3 When you're in love you're all in💞 lovestruck type for sure~ Valentines day is your jam. You guys are idealists and you have so many goals you want to achieve, you are interested in so many wonderful things too. You may really gravitate towards creative hobbies or supernatural things like spirits and the occult.🕯
⏳When will you find love: Blind, December, Unseen, Network, Ladder, Aries, Aquarius, 8th house, 10th house, 2nd house, 🥰💆‍♂️🧛‍♀️🎯 Omg so you guys are gonna find love when things get REAL lol you're going to be so successful during this time and this could be really soon omg like almost 3 months from now even.🙉💗 Ahh I'm so excited okay so you might find love when you start something, something BIG. I mean like a business or new job, for many of you I see social media fame and getting lots of money from that. (youtube channel, blog, online business, ect.💼💸) You are gonna be in your boss b*tch phase when you finally find love you guys.👏 I can see success in practically anything for my lovely pile 3 so be ready!! There might be something you've been working on like a project or hobby just something you have been building for some time now and this is gonna pay off so much during this time⭐ I see so much recognition for you guys and that's why you're gonna find love so easily omg this could happen very quickly too🚀 For some of you your future someone might be a secret admirer of you, someone you don't know yet when you achieve this success. Just know you will be on the right track you know exactly where you're going and how to get there so this person is going to be so ready to come into your life because they see you working so hard and they just really wanna be there for you like this is your moment to shine~☀️ Just know everyone will be watching you lol the tea is real☕ It's also likely that you will have many admirers when you find love.
💖Your future lover's energy: Reach out, Locked, Art, Collarbone, Actor, Sagittarius, Leo, Uranus, 12th house, 1st house, ♒🥴🌧🔦 Ooh your person is will be so into you😍 They have this really magnetic look about them that just pulls you in, they're outgoing but so creative and dreamy💘 They have this sparkle in their eyes and everyone really loves them. They are definitely gonna come to you first, that's why you won't realize when you find love right away until they step forward and get things moving between you two~😘 Your future love will have beautiful hair and a great smile that's so warm and god you just start fantasizing about it every time you think of them when this happens lol you will be so hooked on this person, like you can't even control it they're just so addictive to you. Also you are definitely coming together with this person when you are involved with online activities like it could be your job or maybe you're online famous you might even have a channel. The flashlight is giving me spotlight energy so like you will be in the spotlight maybe this person is also internet famous or works online, that could be how you two met. Your future love will be in the arts, think painter, actor/actress, heavy artist energy for them. They are probably known online for their artistic abilities, just know you have this person's heart like they're not going anywhere lol😂💫 They want you to pay attention to them and praise them because they will see you as this amazing person and they really want your validation aww. Could be an aquarius rising, this person is very unique and has such a special vibe about them.
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I hope you enjoyed your reading! ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the tea emoji~☕ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗💕
Pile 4🌹
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Sign energy: Soulmates, Children, Ankles, Tears, 4th house, Lilith, Jupiter, 10th house, Juno, Venus, 🍂🎆😒💙
🌙Your energy: I'm getting such an attractive vibe from this pile, like can I just say how pretty you are??😂😍 You have this gracefulness about you so delicate like a flower, you might have had people try to pick your petals though. It's like when a person picks a flower just because of it's beauty but they rip it from the ground😥 You wish others would ask you how you feel sometimes because you just want comfort and care.💓 You may have grown up with a bad experience with men or authority in your life. Your family life could have been hard for you, and it could have set your ideas of love and partnerships. You may be close to your mother or one of your parents is distant, you really just want love and affection but you were never used to receiving it.😭💗 You have a feminine energy (even if male) something about you is so aesthetically pleasing. You're emotional and you could be doing some shadow work right now, you are a spiritual person and you don't like when people take advantage of your kindness. Some of you may be born in the fall and could have sagittarius placements as well as pisces, cancer, libra and taurus(so beautiful)💓 Jupiter or Venus could be your dominant planet. My lovely pile 4 you have such delicate hearts so take care of them🩹
⏳When will you find love: Explosion, Money, Force, Soft spot, Inner thoughts, 5th house, Fire, South node, North node, Uranus, 🍷🎲💄🤐 Oml you guys things are going to be so fun when you find love!!! I'm getting like a sudden transformation for some of you during this time but nothing really says that it's just what I'm feeling for you guys. So you might be doing very creative hobbies during this time and omg you could be making things (lol I mean making money🤑). Now I feel like money isn't the reason for doing this hobby but it's just an after effect for sure like you'll be shocked at how sudden the money comes rolling in for you haha😂 For some of you finding love could be a result of looking inward within yourself, this could be self love🥺💗 You might have had trouble loving yourselves all this time but when you find love this will all change, you will feel so pretty and inspiring for yourself🙏😭 You may be caught up in a love affair with someone during this time and this could force you to think about your future, past and finances as well as your deepest self reflection. However this love manifests for you, there won't be a choice about it lol this love will force you to keep going and don't look back. You will be more of a risk taker then ever before and this could be with money. Oohhh for some of you I'm getting heavy casino vibes, you guys might find love casino or you might start gambling a little more in the future when you find love.🎲🍷❤
💖Your future love's energy: 1st house, Show, Special, Chains, My everything, Mercury, 5th house, 4th house, 2nd house, Water, 🐍🎀😁😴 My lovely pile 4 this is getting so good lemme just tell you.😍 Your person is a natural born star omg they're so special! You can't take your eyes off them so be prepared to not blink lol 👁👄👁 This is you when you see them it's just like wow who is they??? Haha you will he head over heels for them literally I also am getting either you or them may wear heels, this could be for fashion purposes and did I mention you guys this person will be such a fashionista oml. They will wear those glasses and chain necklaces all the good stuff🕶📿👞 They are so flirty but like you won't be able to tell if it's just their personality or if it's with you, but it will become SO obvious it's you omg pile 4🤭❤ Your future love is so attractive like they're really good looking if you're curious about that...💅 They have a very special appearance and they dress up real nice😳 They're gonna be all over you pile 4 get ready for physical affection they will always wanna have their hand on your shoulder haha because they think you're so pretty.🔥 Also this person has a really attractive voice, they could easily be a singer or voice actor with their range. Lol they might be the kind that wants you to "own" them and they'll do anything you ask. And they aren't cheap either like, they've got money and they wanna spoil you so bad💸 They wanna hug you tight and make you forget about everything and just have fun together. They're so comforting and healing for you because they're going to give you the romantic experience you thought would be painful.😭🩹🎀 They're literally gonna tell you "don't worry baby everything's okay"💋 The type to give you roses because they want you to think they're special and raise your standards for a romantic partner.🌹 My lovely pile 4 how does it feel being so loved😍🤩🥰
If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the rose emoji~🌹 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞
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Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3
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stiltonbasket · 8 months
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If you do Bingyuan prompts:
Bingge discovering/realizing that his children’s beloved head teacher is the friendly Shizun from the other world would be a delight!
(Shen Yuan with a miniature army of tiny heavenly demon children who adore him is just super cute!)
By the age of twenty-five, Luo Binghe possessed—or thought he possessed—all the wealth and treasures in the world that a man could want. His vengeance upon the Cang Qiong Mountain sect was complete, the mountain range burned and its peak lords slain but for the master of Qian Cao Peak and Qi Qingqi, whom he had spared for Liu Mingyan’s sake—and he had long since established himself as Emperor of the demon realm, with no small amount of influence in the world he was born to by virtue of his marriage to the Little Palace Mistress, Hua Zhihan. 
But then—half-way through his twenty-seventh year, and three years after the construction of his great fortress close to Huan Hua Palace—he stumbled through a rent in the very skin of the world and found himself back upon Qing Jing Peak, cradled in the arms of a man who wore the face of Luo Binghe’s hated shizun. 
He had hardly been there an hour before he discovered that that Shen Qingqiu had been nothing like the jealous fiend who tormented Luo Binghe in his youth. On the contrary, he had welcomed Luo Binghe into his home and bed like a new bride reuniting with her husband at the end of a long day’s work; and for several months after Luo Binghe returned to his own palace in the demon realm, he found no satisfaction in his endless riches, or the tens of wives in his harem. 
He spent a full season hunting for that Shen Qingqiu in his own world afterwards, for he knew somehow that the living Shen Qingqiu who had married the other Luo Binghe and his own former Shizun were not one and the same. The Shen Qingqiu Luo Binghe knew had nothing in common with that man other than his face, and even that had been so altered by the spirit living behind it that Luo Binghe had not recognized him as Shen Qingqiu at first sight; but the other Luo Binghe reminded him a great deal of his own child-self, and how single-mindedly he had loved Ning Yingying in those early days at Cang Qiong. 
But years went by, and Luo Binghe found nothing—no shadow or trace of that gentle Shen Qingqiu, whether living or dead—and at last, he drank himself sick on dragon-blood wine and unburdened himself to Ning Yingying, confessing that nothing under the sun had brought him joy since that one jewel-bright day with Shen Qingqiu three summers earlier. 
Of course, he did not breathe a word about what had actually happened—for Yingying and the others believed that the strange, bewildered husband who stumbled into the hougong that day was none other than Luo Binghe himself, and he had never seen fit to disabuse them of the notion—but she seemed to understand that the better part of his life’s joy had left him, and said:
“A-Luo, if we sisters can’t make you happy as we used to anymore, do you think—do you think a child might make you happy? We’ve been married for nearly ten years, and I hoped…”
Luo Binghe thought for a moment, still dizzy from the six pots of wine he drank with his evening meal; and amid the soft haze clouding his thoughts, he realized that he would have died of envy if the poor imitation of himself from the other world had had a child with his Shen Qingqiu. 
But the only children he had seen on Qing Jing Peak that day were a handful of young disciples in their early teens, far too old to belong to that pitiful Luo Binghe. It struck him that this was something that other Luo Binghe could never have—must never have, lest Luo Binghe know what had happened and find his way back to that dream-world to quell his jealousy by ripping his other self limb from limb—and then—
“It might not be a bad idea,” he heard himself say. “What about Yingying? Would you like a child?”
“Very much,” Yingying whispered, taking Luo Binghe’s hand. 
Their first daughter, Suoxin, was born the next year; and when the head taiyi placed her in Luo Binghe’s arms, a tiny mote of the tumult in his soul grew calm, and never returned to trouble him again.
The birth of Suoxin’s younger sister Changying followed exactly a hundred days later, for Hua Zhihan had demanded a child of her own as soon as she heard that Ning Yingying was pregnant, and Luo Binghe saw no reason to refuse her. Several of his lesser wives had attempted to follow suit, but he was adamant that no children should be born to them until the children born of his five chief wives had safely reached the age of about three or four: especially after the tragedy that accompanied the birth of Luo Binghe’s first son. 
The taiyi later discovered that his mother—Qin Wanyue, who had suffered a miscarriage at Sha Hualing’s hands some six years earlier—had been born with a deformation in one of the chambers of her heart; and due to her general good health and the strengthening effects of her cultivation, Wanyue never noticed it. But her cultivation was not sufficient to protect her from the strain of childbirth; and scarcely five minutes after the baby took his first breath, Qin Wanyue drew her last, dying without knowing anything more of her child than a single, snatched glimpse of his small red face.
The infant was given the name Luo Nianzu, in remembrance of his mother, and handed over to Liu Mingyan to raise. Mingyan had not wanted a child of her own, though she was more than willing to bring Nianzu up in Wanyue’s stead. 
And in the wake of Qin Wanyue’s passing, Luo Binghe vowed to himself that he would never sire another child. He had been the instrument of her ruin, wittingly or not: and with three healthy heirs, of whom one was a boy, he refused to risk a second death in the harem. 
But his resolve had not hampered Sha Hualing’s plans: and in truth, Luo Binghe should have known better than to expect otherwise. One night, she took Xin Mo from the stand beside his bed and stabbed Luo Binghe straight through the shoulder—rather more ferociously than usual, he thought—and absconded from the palace with three phials full of his spilt blood, returning a fortnight later with a fat baby boy swaddled in one of her own silk veils. 
“Did you give birth to him?” Luo Binghe frowned, after he tasted the child’s blood mites and found that they were nearly identical to his own. “You were only gone for two weeks.”
Sha Hualing only laughed at him, and asked that he give their son a name. Luo Binghe named him Shunlei, with the shun for obedience and the lei for thunder; and though Hualing took the hint at once, she was so well-pleased with Shunlei’s name that Hua Zhihan spent the next month sulking about it. 
The three years that followed Shunlei’s arrival were peaceful ones, for the demon realm had been brought to heel with Sha Hualing’s aid, and Mobei-jun grew more ruthless towards Luo Binghe’s enemies with every passing day. Yingying and Mingyan governed the harem both kindly and firmly, calming any disputes among the lesser wives and punishing those whose bids for favor put their sisters in danger; and they never faltered in their duty to the little ones, so that Luo Binghe went untroubled by the children’s needs until Liu Mingyan declared that Suoxin and Changying were old enough to begin studying with a trained taifu.  
“I already have a candidate in mind,” she said to him over dinner one evening. “Will my lord permit me to look after the arrangements myself?”
“I don’t see why not,” Luo Binghe replied. “Do what you must. Only ensure that the taifu is well educated, and knows how to teach little children without frightening them.” One Shen Qingqiu was bad enough, after all.
And so, preparations went forth for the children’s education. Liu Mingyan wrote to the prospective taifu, who accepted the offer of employment and asked for a month to settle his affairs before moving to the palace; and Yingying began teaching Nianzu and Shunlei how to read, in the hope that the taifu would agree to instruct them alongside Suoxin and Changying. 
Luo Binghe, having nothing further to do with the matter, left for the northern desert with Mobei-jun and Sha Hualing. 
Linguang-jun had decided to rebel against his nephew’s rule again, and Luo Binghe was weary of indulging him. In the aftermath of Shang Qinghua’s betrayal, he and Mobei-jun had both decided that Linguang-jun’s continued existence was far more trouble than it was worth. 
All told, he remained away from the palace for over two moons. When he finally returned, in midsummer, he went straight to his own courtyard and slept for three days without moving a muscle. 
And then he awoke, and heard a soft strain of qin music issuing from the other side of the wall.
Luo Binghe froze.
That courtyard was meant to be empty; it had been empty since the day it was built, eight months after he met that other world’s Shen Qingqiu. Luo Binghe had filled its four rooms with books and bamboo furniture, and even the double bed in the inner chamber had been a replica of the one the other Shizun slept upon—and the courtyard’s little garden had a pavilion with a built-in table for a qin, since the construction of that Shizun’s house and garden made it plain that he liked to practice out of doors.
Who had dared set foot in that courtyard while Luo Binghe was absent?
Hua Zhihan? Qin Wanrong? Certainly not Yingying or Liu Mingyan; it resembled the living quarters at Qing Jing far too closely for either of them to find any peace there. 
Trembling with fury, he pulled on the robes he was wearing last night and rushed over to the adjoining courtyard, where he stopped short at the threshold of its white-painted moon gate and gaped at the spectacle awaiting him within. 
There was a man sitting at the qin table in the pavilion—a man, in the compound where Luo Binghe lived with his wives—playing a rearrangement of “Flowing Waters,” with Luo Shunlei on his lap. Suoxin and Changying were seated on either side of him, armed with child-sized guqins of their own, and Nianzu was nestled against the man’s shoulder, asleep.
And his face—
Luo Binghe had never seen such a face before. It was not the face of Shen Qingqiu—not the Shen Qingqiu he knew, at any rate—but the light in his eye and the warmth of his voice as he spoke to Suoxin were very like that Shen Qingqiu’s, though Luo Binghe noticed that there was a shade of difference between the two. 
He is older, Luo Binghe realized at once, as his heart thundered inside him. The other Shen Qingqiu was young, judging by his manner—perhaps forty, at the very oldest—and my Shizun never even reached the age of fifty. 
The other Shizun had worn green, he remembered. He preferred the same clean-cut style of dress that Luo Binghe’s shizun liked to wear, and of course their bodies and faces had been the same, as well; but this man wore s different face entirely, and his worn silk robes were a clean, stark white, like the garments of the wandering rogue cultivators who used to pass through Luo Binghe’s hometown when he was a boy. 
The trappings of his flesh made no difference, however.
Luo Binghe knew him for what he was at first sight. 
It struck him then that this must be the taifu Liu Mingyan selected for the children. He could not fathom why she would have housed an imperial tutor in the hougong, of all places: but now that he was here, Luo Binghe would rather walk through the Endless Abyss again than permit him to leave. 
Luo Binghe could have stood in the doorway and stared at him for a lifetime; but then the taifu looked up and clambered to his feet, tugging the little girls along with him. Shunlei remained where he was, gripping the soft front of the taifu’s gown like a baby monkey clinging to its mother’s back; and Nianzu, securely balanced on the taifu’s hip, slept on without noticing that the man had moved at all.
“My lord,” the taifu said, bowing. “This humble servant offers his—”
“Xin’er greets Father!” Luo Suoxin cut in, glancing up at her teacher for approval. “Did I do it right, Shizun?”
“Yes, except for the part where you interrupted me first,” the taifu laughed. “Go on, Changying.”
Luo Changying nodded and stepped forward. 
“Chang’er greets Father,” she said, rather more gracefully than Suoxin. 
“Well done,” said the taifu. “Now, Shunlei…?”
Shunlei blinked and tightened his grasp on the taifu’s robes. 
“A-Shun is hungry,” he complained, refusing to meet Luo Binghe’s eyes. “Shizun, snack time.”
Luo Binghe bit back a smile. This man was somehow more indulgent with his young charges than the other Shizun had been, and the sight of him holding Nianzu and Shunlei was so desperately sweet that Luo Binghe nearly reached out and touched him. 
“Daozhang is the new taifu, I suppose?” Luo Binghe asked instead, taking another step forward. “Your name?”
The taifu nodded. 
“This one is called Zhu Qinglan, my lord,” he replied, trying in vain to coax Shunlei down to the ground. “Now, A-Shun, my good little disciple…”
“Shunshun won’t look at him,” the baby insisted, his little voice muffled in the folds of Zhu Qinglan’s coat. “I want to eat cake, not see Fuqin.”
To Luo Binghe’s astonishment, Zhu Qinglan sat down on the steps below the pavilion and drew a wrapped package of sesame cakes out of his sleeve. 
“Your imperial father has come back to see you after two months, and you act like this?” he chided, placing one of the cakes on Shunlei’s outstretched palm. “Now, eat your cake like a good child; and then you must get up and greet your father properly, like Xin’er and Chang’er.”
Luo Binghe lifted his hand. 
“No need,” he said mildly, watching with half-crazed eyes as Zhu Qinglan stroked Luo Nianzu's fluffy hair. “Shun’er is always upset after this lord returns from his travels abroad. I do not see the children as often as I would like; but I try to dine with them at least once a week, and that little demon in your arms refuses to speak to me for days on end if I ever dare to arrive late.”
With that, he turned on his heel and swept out of the courtyard. He could not stand in Zhu Qinglan’s presence any longer, lest he do something that would terrify his children and turn their Shizun against him forever; and as it was, the little demon servant who brought breakfast to his quarters ten minutes later nearly died of fright at the sight of him. 
“Zhu Qinglan,” Luo Binghe said to himself, after the petrified lackey made his escape. “The name suits him, whether it is a false one or no.”
He drained the last of his tea, and smiled. 
“I’ve finally caught you, Shizun.”
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cameronspecial · 8 months
Note
Rafe x reader where they are friends since in diapers, he’s always been super protective of her and when they were younger he acted super though while she was shy, he was kinda like a shield for her. Has they grow up, puberty hits, and obvi Rafe start to get together with girls but he’s still protecting her from guys that she could potentially get with. One day an argument sparks up and he admits he loves her.
Can't Deal With Your Shit
Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings: Swearing
Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 0.7K
Masterlist
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They’ve always been there for each other, from diapers to braces to the stress of waiting for university decisions. As Y/N started to enter puberty, Rafe became more protective of her. He hates if she is alone in a room with another man and always tries to intervene when that happens. The mention of her name in any male group gets questioned by him and he won’t let go until the other males promise to let her be. Hypocritically, he lets himself be all over other girls with or without Y/N’s presence. Y/N appreciated his protectiveness as a pre-teen; however, she is now in her early twenties and has never been on a date before because Rafe keeps scaring everyone off. She brings up this point with him a few times, but he always brushes it off saying that she needs his protection from the asshole guys out there. However, she has met her breaking point. They are at a party that his fraternity is hosting and even though he is making out with a girl, he still takes time to send a glare to any guy, who tries to approach Y/N. She decides it is time to make her thoughts clear to the boy and storms over to him. 
When he realizes she is coming over, Rafe sends the brunette he is kissing away. Y/N grabs the back of his collar and starts pulling him upstairs to his bedroom. The door thuds with her harsh shove. She finally lets go of his shirt with a cross of her arms. “I can’t deal with your shit, Rafe. Your protectiveness isn’t cute anymore and it boards on smothering. I’m twenty-one and I’ve never kissed anyone because any guy who so much looks at me is chased away by you!” she screams, annoyance dripping from her voice. Rafe shakes his head, “You don’t get it. Those guys don’t have good intentions. They just want to hurt you.” “No! You don’t understand how it makes me feel so unwanted. How I feel so lonely because while you are off galavanting with all your girls, I am by myself. How you make me think that I’m naive and stupid because I can’t care for myself,” she cries in a raised voice. Her frustration is on display with the tears forming in her eyes and Rafe stands there. His mouth hinges open while he is processing everything his best friend just told him. He can’t believe this is how he made her feel and he is kicking himself for being the reason for her tears. 
She watches as he steps forward to take her into his arms. He presses a kiss to her forehead, resting his chin on her head, “I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel that way.” He pulls away from her and holds her at arm's length. He pushes her hair away from her face so it rests behind her ear. “I really have been an overbearing asshole, haven’t I?” he begins. “But I need you to know that you aren’t unwanted. That you don’t have to be alone and that I know you can take of yourself.” She looks at him with glossy eyes, “Then why do you do all that?” “Because I’m selfish and can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else, but I also know that I don’t deserve you so I can’t do anything about how I feel about you,” he explains. She takes a step forward, pressing her chest against his, “And how do you feel about me?” “Like every time I look at you, the world stops turning. Like I can’t let any air into my lungs unless you send me your daily good morning text. Like I would burn down the world if you asked me to,” for his last confession he brings his mouth close to his ear. “Like I love you more than anyone in this world.” 
He can see the desire in her eyes and decides to put her out of her misery, connecting their lips in a warm embrace. Her arms wrap themselves around his neck to bring him impossibly closer. She is so glad that she has never kissed anyone else before because it makes this one ten times more meaningful to her. Not only is it her first one, but also the catalyst for her new story with Rafe. One with a little less envying other girls and a little more being the envy of other girls. One where she gets to stand by Rafe’s side as he scares others away, instead of watching him do so from the sidelines.
Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @victory-in-the-llama @drewsmusee @starkowswife
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 months
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is it wrong to read smut of underage characters when i'm an adult? i've been reading fanfiction since i was nine or ten and smut since i was in my early teens. when i turned eighteen, i decided that i shouldn't read smut of underage characters anymore because i knew it was wrong, but then i kept doing it and have continued to even though i'm now twenty. i feel a lot of guilt around doing it. i never read anything with prepubescent characters but i've found that i am definitely drawn to fanfiction about relationships between adult characters and characters aged 13–14—something that makes me feel especially sick with myself because i was that age when i was groomed by an adult in my life. i think i am attracted to the idea of being that age again and actually going all the way with someone my groomer's age and it makes me sick. when i look at actual underage teenagers i feel no sort of attraction—on the contrary, the thought of sexualizing a real person that age actually really upsets and disturbs me. so why do i continue to get off on sexualized fantasies reminiscent of my own abuse? at the end of the day, i can't help but worry that makes me similar to my abuser.
hi anon,
I want to start with your final point, because this is hugely important: there is a hundred thousand million miles of difference between someone sexually abusing a real living human child with feelings, and someone reading about sexual situations happening to made up fictional characters who have no real feelings or trauma because they don't exist. the first one is a terrible violation of power to exploit and harm a vulnerable person, and the latter has literally no harmful consequences except for you, the reader, feeling weird and yucky about it.
let me be so clear about this up front: if this is something that feels like it's upsetting enough that it's causing you distress, you should stop reading this stuff. simple as that. if it ain't good for you and you know that, you need to take a step back for your own sake.
now, having said that: I really firmly believe that people don't need to justify why they like reading about things. but what you're describing - being drawn to stories that mirror your own abuse - is incredibly common. when survivors of sexual violence seek out ways of recreating their own negative experiences, whether it's via porn and erotica or playing those things out in negotiated kink scenes, it's very often a case of recreating their traumatic experiences with a built-in escape hatch. it's impossible to go back in time and undo the things that were done to you, but it is possible to reclaim a sense of agency by exploring what happened on the survivor's own terms, knowing that they can stop, say no, and walk away whenever they want, unlike when the abuse actually happened. in other cases, it can be thrilling to see a situation that caused so much hurt in real life play out as consensual and joyful in fiction.
again, please drop this if it's something that's causing you stress and discomfort! but also know that what you're doing is not harming anyone except, potentially, yourself, and you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. please take care and make the best decision for you.
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bloatedandalone04 · 6 months
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In The Way I Need You | Part 10
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Series Masterlist
➪in which you start your first shift at jess’ after leaving clay’s house in tears, and a confrontation at work leaves you feeling a lot worse than before.
PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.
WC; 3.5k | Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡
Clay watched you flee his house with tears in your eyes, and he couldn’t even question you on it before you were gone, your body covered back up by your dress from last night instead of his shirt. 
He had no idea what happened in the three minutes he left you alone for, but apparently it was a lot. Only a few seconds passed by the time he made it to the front door to go after you, but when he looked outside, you were long gone. 
You said you weren’t feeling well and that you needed air, but he was still confused as to why you didn’t let him take care of you. If you weren’t feeling up for that second date, then he would’ve happily let you lay in his bed all day until you felt better, but you fled before he could even offer that to you. 
What happened? 
His brows furrowed as he closed the door loudly and made his way back up to his room, planning on calling you, or at least texting you, as soon as he located his phone. 
But as soon as he entered his room, that plan slipped his mind as his gaze narrowed onto the framed picture that was placed on his still unmade bed. Clay felt his heart drop as he neared the photo, a sick feeling creeping up his throat as he realized who it was of. 
Clay picked up the picture of him and Sam that was taken on their wedding day, and he couldn’t even recognize the version of himself in the photo. It felt like so long ago, and he knew he was a very different person now. 
The guy in the picture was a lovesick fool who missed every single warning sign and red flag Sam gave out. His twenty two year old self felt like a stranger now since he had been forced to grow up so quickly after Joey was born and Sam left him.
He wanted to laugh, because the second things had gotten good with you, Sam fucked it up for him without actually being there. 
Where did you even find this picture? He couldn’t remember where he had put it after tearing his room apart of anything that reminded him of her, so what were the odds that you had found it?
Clay looked around and noticed one of the drawers in his dresser was open a bit, and when he pulled it open and saw an unfolded blue shirt thrown in there, he knew that was where you discovered it. 
This was the drawer Clay barely went into as it was full of all his old tees he used to wear when he was in his late teens and early twenties. They were his vintage and graphic shirts, and the ones he didn’t wear often, so he truly didn’t remember putting the picture in there since he hadn’t opened the drawer in quite a while. 
“Fuck,” he muttered as he picked up the shirt and and looked down at the photo. No wonder you suddenly didn’t feel good, Clay was beginning to feel sick, too, as he stared down at the smiles on his and Sam’s faces. 
Young, dumb and naive Clay. How stupid can you be?
With a groan, he tossed the shirt onto his bed before turning the frame over and practically ripping the back of it off. He pulled the photo from the glass and tossed the frame aside, too, and without a second thought, he ripped it into countless pieces. 
He knew he wouldn’t have been able to do that before he met you, but now that he’d had a glimpse of what life looks like with you, he never wanted to go back. He hadn’t even thought about Sam at all since he left her that final voicemail, and he hated the fact that you must think that he still loves her. 
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. 
The only part of her that he loves is the one he shares with her. The one that brought you and him together. His son; someone who he doesn’t even consider hers anymore. 
Joey isn’t Sam’s. He never was. She brought him into the world, and then she abandoned him. No mother does that to their child. 
As far as Clay was concerned, Joey was all his. 
He throws the pieces of the picture into the garbage bin beside the dresser before looking around for his phone. He finds it on his nightstand next to his alarm clock with your sticky note on it, and his heart ached even more. 
Without wasting a second, he picks his phone up and calls you. He sits down on his messy bed and tugs at his equally messy hair as it rings and rings, and he knows you probably won’t answer him for at least a few hours.
You were upset, and rightfully so. 
“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he started when he was met with your voicemail, and he would’ve laughed at the fact that he is leaving someone else another pointless voicemail, but you weren’t just someone, and nothing was pointless when it came to you. “I didn’t realize I still had pictures with her around, and I hate that you found that. I swear, I would’ve never told you to grab some of my clothes if I remembered that it was in there. It wouldn’t even be in there anymore.”
He felt stupid calling you like this, but he needed you to know as soon as possible that he was over Sam and that she was no longer in the picture. 
“Sam doesn’t mean anything to me. All she is…she’s just the person who helped bring my son into the world. That’s it,” he was rambling now and felt his chest tighten. It hurt a bit, and it felt like he was straining his heart, so he knew he needed to end the call and calm himself down. “I’m sorry. Please, call me back.”
He hung up after that and tossed his phone onto the bed before sitting down and running his hands through his hair. 
How did he always manage to fuck things up? It was going great, you trusted him enough to let him pick you up after a night out, and your second date was a mere few minutes away from happening when you left in tears. Ones that he caused, more or less. 
-
You were embarrassed as you turned off your phone, declining Clay’s second call to you since you left his house crying.
Sam was stunning, and now that you knew what she looked like, you could see the similarities her and Joey share. 
You felt like an idiot and you were humiliated and feeling so insecure right now. A million doubts ran through your head and left it hurting, and your unrelenting tears definitely didn’t help. 
Once you were home, you completely shut yourself off from everything and tried to focus on preparing for your first shift at Jess’ cafe. You wanted to check your phone and even wanted to see what Clay had said in his texts, but you also needed some time away from all that.
So you didn’t turn your phone on for the rest of the night, and by the time you entered Jess’ the next day, you still hadn’t powered it on. You didn’t have much time to use your phone as Jess would be starting your training any minute now, but you still didn’t want to completely cut Clay off. You decided that much after a whole day had passed. 
You turn your phone on and click on his contact, but before you could read one of the four texts he sent you, Jess calls your name, and you have to put your phone away and begin training. 
Around an hour passes before Jess allows you to continue your shift without her hovering over your shoulder. You had just taken your first order when your new coworker moved to get started on it. “Oh, you don’t have to do it for me,” you wave him off. “How am I supposed to learn if I don’t actually make the drinks?”
He just shakes his head with a grin, “The guy you took the order from is a regular,” he says. “Trust me; it’s best if I make his drink. If you mess it up even a little bit, he’ll ruin your whole day.”
“Okay,” you laugh and decide to let him take this one as you begin to wipe away the messy counter. “Good looking out.”
He smiled over at you as he made the drink and gave it to the guy you took the order from, his glare turning into a content smile as he sipped on it. “See? Told you,” he mumbled and you just shook your head, setting the cloth aside and beginning to change the coffee filters. “I’m Miles, by the way.”
You look over and see that he held his hand out to you. “Y/n,” you say and shake his hand. “I’m new, clearly.”
“I can see that,” he nodded and braced his elbows against the counter. “You new to the city, too?”
“Um, kind of,” you answer and wipe your hands on your brown apron. “I’ve been here for about a month now. Still getting used to all of it.”
Miles nods in understanding, giving you a boyish smile afterwards. He was cute, but not nearly cute enough to get your mind off Clay. Miles looked to be around your age, or maybe a bit older, and he had dark brown hair that covered his forehead, and from what you could tell, his eyes were a deep green. “Yeah, the city isn’t for everyone,”
You furrow your brows then laugh. “Oh, no, I’m not…I love it here so far,” you further explain. “It is a lot to take in, though.”
“Ah,” he nodded again and gestured to the customer on his side of the counter, politely pausing your conversation as he began taking the girl’s order.
You smile at him and turn to your side, and your breath gets caught in your throat when you meet Clay’s pretty blue eyes as he enters the shop. He briefly smiles but it falters as he nears the counter, guilt swimming in his gaze as he places his hands against the marble. “Hi,”
“Hi,” you whisper back and try to distract yourself by cleaning a nearby mug. An awkward silence fell over the two of you, and you hated every second of it. It was never awkward with Clay, and the sudden change had your face heating up as you avoided eye contact with him. “Um, do you want a coffee? Or a pastry?”
Clay sucked in a breath and shook his head. “No, I just,” he trailed off and you hesitantly met his eyes again. “I wanted to see you. Wish you luck, you know, on your first shift.” 
He was dressed in what you think is his work attire - though it looked just as formal as his usual clothing - and your heart swelled a bit at the fact that he stopped by before work so he could talk to you, even though it was a bit out of the way from what you knew about where his job location is. 
“Oh,” you say quietly and want nothing more than to throw your arms around him and kiss him right then and there. He was so sweet, you hated how tense things were between you right now. “That’s…nice, Clay. Thank you.” 
Clay smiled at you but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You wondered if he felt as miserable as you did, then you remembered you hadn’t actually read his texts, so you really had no idea on how he was feeling right now. “Yeah,” he murmured and his eyes held so much longing, you felt your own burn a bit. It looked like he wanted to ask you something, but he didn’t and instead said, “I don’t know if you read my messages or listened to my voicemail, but…I’m sorry about yesterday. If I had known…”
You tear your eyes away from his and bite down on your lip. “Yeah, I um…haven’t gotten around to checking my phone,” you confess and grip onto the edge of the counter as you feel your face begin to heat up. Glancing to your right, you can see Miles eyeing the two of you with a poorly hidden look of judgment on his face, and you could only hope he didn’t bring this up later.
Clay stayed silent and nodded. “Oh,” he said quietly and it somehow made you feel even worse. “That’s okay. Just, whenever you get the chance…I miss you.” 
You bite down harder until you were sure you were about to make your lip bleed before looking up at him. You wanted to say it back, but you were still hurt and a bit stubborn and your emotions were a mess right now. “Do you need me to watch Joey later?” 
His face falls a bit and he steps away from the counter. “Yeah, if you’re able to. If not I can call my-”
“No, I can,” you say quickly and give him a tight smile. “I’ll see you later then.”
Clay swallows hard and nods, giving you a so clearly forced smile and making your heart ache even more. “See you later,” he rasped and turned around, leaving the shop without another glance at you.
As soon as he was gone, you blew out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and turned your back to the rest of the shop as you pulled out your phone. It was nearly dead as you didn’t bother plugging it in last night, and you were seriously regretting that now as you finally allowed yourself to read Clay’s messages. 
8:09 AM
Clay Beresford: I’m so sorry you found that, I swear I didn’t know I still had pictures of her and I around.
8:43 AM
Clay Beresford: Sam is not in our lives anymore, I promise. I care about you so much, and so does Joey. Please call me back.
1:19 PM
Clay Beresford: I understand that you need time, and I’ll give you as much as you need. Just know that she means nothing to me anymore, and she hasn’t for a long time now. 
9:21 PM
Clay Beresford: Joey missed you today, we both did. I know you have your first shift as Jess’ tomorrow, but are you still able to pick him up from school after? I’m sorry again, Y/n. I never wanted to hurt you. 
He’d been trying to apologize and explain ever since you left. 
You felt your eyes sting again, and you brought your phone up to your ear after clicking on the voicemail. “Everything okay?” Miles asks as he hands a freshly made drink to a girl. His voice sounded a bit humorous, and you furrowed your brows at it but couldn’t call him out on it before Clay’s frantic voice met your ear.
Your lip was hurting now as you had gone back to biting it while you listened to his voicemail, and by the time it was over, you were sure you could taste a hint of metal on your tongue. “Fuck,” you whispered as you typed out a text to him with shaky fingers. 
Miles coughed loudly next to you, and you lifted your gaze and glared at him. “I take it you and that rich guy are close?” He laughed and leaned against the counter with his arms crossed. “Or maybe you were but not anymore. He looked like a kicked puppy walking out of here, poor guy. But he’s not poor, right? He looks like he probably owns his own business or something.”
“Shut up,” you say before you could think it through. Your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to quickly apologize, but Miles just scoffs. 
“Oh, come on. A guy like that has no business coming into a place like this. I bet he could buy this whole street if he wanted to, then he’d own us,” Miles continued and you forget your task of texting Clay back in order to defend him from your coworkers petty assumptions. 
“And what if he could? What if he did? What would you do about it, Miles?” You ask with annoyance lacing your tone. You weren’t sure why he felt the need to assume all this stuff about Clay when he had no idea what he was actually like. 
“I’d quit,” Miles answered with a shrug. “I don’t need some rich prick holding anything above my head.”
You drop your phone onto the counter loudly and move towards him. “Shut the hell up,” 
Miles laughs again and it only irritates you further. “Make me,” he muttered. “Christ, Y/n, you don’t believe guys like that actually care about people like us, do you?”
“People like us?” 
“Yeah,” he grunted. “Poor people. We don’t need the rich pitying us when they have it all at their-”
“Shut up,” you nearly yell and then realize you were literally in the middle of your first shift and getting into a heated argument with your new coworker you only shared one brief conversation with before this. The patrons looked over at you with wide eyes and quiet laughs, and you felt embarrassed for the second time this week. 
You couldn’t say anything else, and neither could Miles, as Jess came in from the back room and glared at the two of you. “What is going on?” 
Miles just raised his hands and turned back to another customer. “You hired a spaz, Jess,” 
You opened your mouth to give him a witty remark, but Jess reached out and grabbed your wrist. “Hey,” she said and pulled you with her into the storage room. “What’s going on? You were doing great when I left you, and now I find you yelling at my best worker?”
You let out a surprised laugh, “He’s your best?” Jess raises a brow at you and you sigh before looking down at the floor. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she said, slightly frustrated as she crossed her arms. “Just tell me what happened. Why were you and Miles arguing?” 
You huff and meet her gaze. “You know that boyfriend I told you about at that bar? Well, him and I got into a fight or…something, and he came into the shop today and apologized and I stupidly pushed him away and I guess Miles decided he should assume all these things about him and I couldn’t just stand there and take it,” you explained as plainly as you could, not wanting your boss to completely know what’s been going on in your personal life. “I know it’s a dumb reason, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry, Jess, I promise I’m not like that all the time. I just got mad.”
Jess pursed her lips and nodded, her hard gaze dropping a bit. “So I missed seeing just how cute your boyfriend supposedly is?” She teased, lightening the mood and making you huff out a quiet laugh. 
“He’s very cute,” you repeated your words from a couple nights ago, and you were reminded of the way Clay came out and picked you up before taking you back to his house and taking care of you. “Things are messy right now, and I’m sorry I allowed it to be brought into my work life. What happened with Miles won’t happen again.” 
You shifted the conversation back to a more serious one, and you could tell Jess appreciated it by the way she smiled and nodded at you. “You better not,” she said sternly. “Because I like you, Y/n, and I want you to have a real chance here. Okay?”
Nodding quickly, straighten yourself out. “Okay,”
“Good, now get back out there,”
A few hours later, you successfully made it through your first shift and were currently listening to Joey ramble on about what he did at school in the backseat of Rick’s car. 
You were nearly back to Clay’s place when Joey shifted and tugged at his backpack from its place on the floor. You reach over and help him, and once he grabs a piece of paper from it, you let it gently drop back down as Joey leans against the seat again. “I made this today,” he said and held the paper out to you. 
Taking it from him, you’re once again almost in tears as you look at the drawing. Joey was getting better at drawing and coloring with each passing day, and his attention to detail at his young age was extremely impressive. This drawing was of you, Clay and Joey, with you being in the middle this time and the Beresford boys on either side of you. “Wow,” you say quietly, meeting Rick’s gaze in the rear view mirror. “You’re quite the little artist, huh, babe?”
Rick gave you a knowing look as Joey said, “Daddy and I like it when you’re at our house. You make things better,”
And then you were on the verge of tears for the second time today.
-
@evilnight07 @espinathena-17
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harveywritings92 · 1 year
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[PART 2 OF THIS]
[After R/n’s calamitous phone call attempt to Simon, she ran a good five blocks before she felt safe enough to breath and think of a plan.]
R/n, sitting on a curb: okay...okay, I really regret not going to the gym with Si now....Shit!
{She swallows hard and looks behind her, the people chasing her were probably a two blocks away that only gave her small window of time.}
R/n: Okay, R/n. You managed to get, ah... Some distance from the guys chasing you, that’s the first thing Simon you told to do...Now next would be to find a place to hide, too bad it’s too freaking sunny out to do so!
R/n: And I can’t hide in plain sight since they know what clothes I’m wearing...
{R/n looks around and recognizes what street she’s on, there was goodwill shop across the street from her, she quickly got up and ran inside; knowing the van was probably around the block.]
R/n: Okay...they’re finding me a bit fast for comfort...
(R/n thinks and looks at her purse/mini-backpack...Could there be a tracker in it? she didn’t dwell on it too long, R/n quickly grabbed some pants a large hoodie, a hat and neck gaiter. she quickly ditched her old clothes and bag; taking just her wallet with her. R/n practically threw the money at the confused clerk as she speed walked passed the checkout.]
Clerk: Wait! ma’am, your change!
R/n, not looking back: Keep it! 
(R/n pulls the hood and neck gaiter up and walks out the back. she exits the alley in time to see the van pull up and two men rush into the good will. the y/ht(your height), woman knew they were not gonna be happy when they find R/n was long gone, and with that R/n calmly walked away towards a more populated area and hopefully she can get ahold of a phone so she can get through to Ghost this time!)
(Meanwhile)
[Ghost and the rest of the 1-4-1 arrived to his house, which was completely trashed, Ghost looked around his livingroom frowning under his mask as he found his wedding photo on the floor. it wasn’t some grand fancy event,  just a small court house wedding with your parents/guardian and couple of your friends, Ghost stomach churned at the memory.
Despite him being the one who proposed in the first place, Simon had tried to talk R/n outta of it...He warned her, he warned her that if they went through with it; R/n would be a walking target, she wouldn’t have a normal life anymore and yet... She still said yes.)
Soap, as he looks at the photo over Ghost’s shoulder: Steamin’ Jesus, he wasn’t fookin wit’ me, he really is married!...(to Price.) Did ye know?
Price: I knew he had a wife. That’s about it, Ghost doesn’t really speak about his home life much.
[Then everyone looked around the house it was clear someone was looking for something...and judging how a good number of Ghost and R/n’s valuables were left out on the dining room table, they were probably coming back...or. 
*The stairs creaked* 
They never left...Everyone freezes as a young man in his late teens to early twenties dressed all in black comes walking down the stairs; talking loudly. He probably assumed the 1-4-1 were his buddies coming back for him and their loot.]
Robber, while holding R/n’s jewelry box: Jeez, you guys took yer sweet time how hard is it to catch a woma...*Sees the group of giant armed men staring at him.* ...aaan?
Ghost: Don’t you fucking move...
[the Robber throws the box at them and tries to bolt out the backdoor! He gets clotheslined by Gaz who was camping around the corner. Cut to the kid being tied to a chair as Ghost stands over him menacingly]
Ghost, cracking his knuckles: Now...Let’s get acquainted shall we?~
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puripurin · 5 months
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SHOWMANSHIP [🎊🎉770 Followers Special🎉🎊] [PT. 1]
➥ Yan!Ringmaster x Acrobatic!Reader
➥ Summary :- Like always, misfortune almost always has a choke hold on the reader, so you get sold to a circus for the meer sum of 1,250 dollers.
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— "IS THAT ALL I'M WORTH TO YOU??" You boomed at your parents, grateful for the bars that so kept you a foot's distance from ripping your parents to shreads.
"Honey, listen -" Your father was brutally cut off by your untamed anger radiating off of the walls, screeching so loud that it made the cell bars vibrate momentarily afterwards. There was no way in hell this man was trying to butter you up after selling you off.
"No. YOU listen to me, you wasteful, unwanted sperm doner. YOU could've worked me to the BONE, and I would have forgiven you because we still need a roof over our heads, but to sell me to some random-ass person who probably smells like your fuckin' toe jam for a mere sum of 1,250 DOLLARS!??? You hurled insults at your parents left and right, only recieving furious stares in return.
"[Y/N]! That is no way to speak to your father! We were low on funds, and our payment was due soon." She stepped forward with a sharp expression engraved in her face.
"LOW ON FUNDS!?!? WAS IT YOUR GRAND PLAN TO SELL ME FOR JUST 1,250 DOLLARS??"
Your intermittent breathing became the only thing that was stopping you from going over the edge of insanity town. Your parents stood without motion, their eyes locked on you as if they weren't the ones who should've been in the cell instead.
"...Don't you want your due payments to disappear? That's rich, how ironic, huh? Or maybe you two were just waiting on an opportunity to make me disappear?!?!"
Without waiting for a response, you slammed your hand on the part of the iron bars closest to their faces, getting surprised fast blinks from your mother. Her pride lasting in all of this was honestly pissing you off.
"YOU FLABBY-ASS-HAVING CUNT! YOU COULD HAVE NEGOTIATED FOR MORE MONEY!! IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU HAD TO BRING THAT CHEAP-ASS PEARL NECKLACE, BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO NEARSIGHTED TO SEE THAT THE PRICE TAG WAS ONLY FOR 8 DOLLARS. FUCKIN' BRAGGING TO THE BAND OF THE BITCHES HOW YOU WE'RE ABLE TO BUY AN 8K PEARL NECKLACE KNOWING DAMN WELL YOUR ASS IS SO POOR THAT YOU HAD TO ASK ME TO PAY FOR THAT SHIT BECUASE YOU ONLY HAD 2 GODFORSAKEN DOLLARS IN THAT RIP-OFF CHANEL BAG." You sneered at the woman who was shaking in frustration.
"Dear, there is no worry for this... thing anymore. Our twin daughters will pave the way for greatness, bringing wealth and fortune to our name. Their talents and beauty hold no bounds." The woman looked over at her husband as you glared at them before you as if they were brainless, dilapidated creatures.
"Keep on sweet talking to them like that, and they'll end up in jail for homicide." You held up a middle finger and walked to a corner of the cell. You heard them spit in the front of the gate to your cell as they left. Silence then engulfed your surroundings.
No more of your parents' nagging and selfish tendancies. It was because of them that you could never look at your early twenties with fond memories. Looking back, you could have been partying and romancing other people, yet all you were promised was work, work, and more work. The pressure of trying to make money for your teen siblings and parents was exhausting, especially when your mother was spending more than you could make. That was how you got an earful from both your parents and siblings when they found out that the family's credit score was so low that it practically nestled right beside the dogshit on the side of the road.
"Fuck. This fucking sucks..." You couldn't hold back the resentment that forced themselves out your eyes in beads of tears. You were already at 26, with no job, no car, no money, no partner, and worth only 1,250 dollars. The path you walked on was not one adorned for the bunnies and butterflies, but rather, was draped in colourless desperation and pure survival.
"At least an arranged marriage would've given me the things I worked so hard for! But no! They just want me to die miserable and poor!"
"Awe, is my new performer preaching about death? My, a face like yours would be a total waste in a casket." The voice of a man echoed through the cell, almost making you jump out of your skin. He appeared almost instantaneously before your cell gate; he was dressed in an array of red, black, and white with an assortment of ruffles.
"You! YOU SCUMMY BASTARD! JUST WAIT 'TIL I HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PLATTER TO FEAST ON!" You stormed your way back to the front of your cell and looked him directly in the eyes.
"Ah... I'm sure you would enjoy that, but alas, that mouth of yours is a bit rotten, would some chlorine and a scrub daddy do the trick?" The man's face held no defining emotion that represented what he was saying to you.
"You... YOU--"
"I suggest you quit the smack talk, unless you prefer to continue and be thrown out of my establishment; can't make quality meat without an obedient animal, am I right?" Even if his facial expression didn't change, you could tell that his words were looking to strangle you if you refused to take heed to them.
"Ah, right, before I leave, I have assigned you as an acrobatics trainee; our last acrobat died of... unforseen events." He paused before chuckling and waltzing out of sight. Making you alone in the cell once more.
You just plopped right on the ground in realization. This was your life now. Just a minute ago you got sold to some freak by your idiotic parents, and now, you were going to be one of the acrobatics in a circus that you didn't even know the name of? You could only pity yourself.
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It had been a few weeks since you came here, and all you had been doing was practicing acrobatics with the help of the others. Furthermore, since that unfaithful day when you were sold, it was your decision to just stop talking altogether. If no one was hearing your voice, then what was the point?
"Ah, [Y/N]... have you finished up on your practice for today?" A young woman came over to you. It was Ellen, one of the acrobatics that taught you all the basics, from balancing on a beam to how to quickly put on different costumes in between performances.
You acknowledged her for her determination, even after entering into the circus at a young age. Though, what you wish you had was her ability to not complain and take things as they were. Alas, that was something Ellen had shown you that you hadn't observed from a person in ages; endurance.
You gave her a small smile and nodded. She brightened up before motioning you to come over to the schedule, which displayed all the events that were to partake following each day. You noticed that there was no last month performance mentioned on the chart.
Last month's performances were big and grand compared to the regular performances, which had more repetitive and basic performances. With all that in mind, you still couldn't participate in them because you were new, but soon you would participate within the next month or so.
"Ah, the other ringmaster has yet to meet you, by the way. He's been gone for a while now. He's the one who can conduct the monthly performances..." Ellen slowly stopped talking, mentally debating with herself with something before refraining on speaking as her grim face turned into one of happiness.
"Ah, right, it's almost time for the show to start, so I need to go this time. You are responsible for ensuring that the children are safe when they are watching the show." Right, you almost forgot about the children that were here. They were either sold to here or just given to the circus. They either had deformities or just had albinism. In total, there were 8 children that you needed to watch over.
You nodded once more and left to change out of the plain acrobatic suit that you wore for practice. Obviously, you had some different coloured ones, but those were strictly for performances.
Once you stepped into the changing room, you deflated and rubbed your face, which was buring from trying to hold back your tears. You sat there as streaks of tears slid down your face.
It was hard for you to just be happy about the situation. It was a struggle to just even have a neutral look on your face, to seem unbothered, to seem as if you were taking the situation well. The reason you gave for becoming selectively mute was only half of the reason. It was partially because almost every day your throat would tighten up from the never ending fear of living like this.
There were nice people, of course, but was it enough for you to accept this situation? The pain of realizing over and over again that your family betrayed you for such a little amount was painful. Even if they mistreated you, you only want to go back to the times when everything was much simpler.
You sniffled and checked the time and noticed that 10 minutes had passed. That was enough crying time for today because you weren't going to get beaten for not taking care of the children this time. Babysitting children comes first, money is second, and depression is last. That crazy psycho of a manager won't let anything slide under the rug, so you had to be on your tippie toes.
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There were a bunch of mini humans wandering about, but not out of your sight, of course. You sat on a wooden bench backstage amongst the junk pile, where all sorts of thrown out props and costumes entangled themselves into one giant monster-like concoction. It was enough to keep the children entertained, and so you had a portion of your job cut out for you.
One of the 8 children was a little, baby boy, the youngest of the batch; he snuggled into your chest, feeling the warmth radiating from you.
"Ah, are you babysitting?" A man, with long hair spoke up from beside you. You hadn't noticed when he sat down. You shook your head in reply, raising an intrigued response from the man.
"Not quite a speaker, are you? I see. You must be [Y/n], then. I am Mathew Alabaster, one of the ringmasters in this lovely establishment." You raised a brow at the 'lovely establishment' part, but Mathew didn't mind, well, more like he didn't have the mind to notice.
You hadn't seen him before, and it seemed as though he shared resemblance with that of the ringmaster you met on your first day in the cell.
"Right, so how well are you fitting into your role? I assume it's daunting because you get to be hung high in the air with nothing but your skills and aura whilst the floor's comfort lulls and beckons you to just... drop." The man smiled at you, but for an odd reason; he had an off-putting look in his eyes...
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Pt 1 cus I ain't writing allat rn. Also I'm so so super duper sorry for not posting in decades! (Esp @emptybrain01, it was only recently i saw your comments! Im so so sorry 💀💀💀💀) Obviously I've been on tumblr for a short period of time, but like, I was just lazy on top of me having no time on the weekend because I'm making a cosplay and I have to study during the week, along with upcoming tests and a big exam next year. Basically my hobbies take up more time than I have.
So maybe next year ill disappear for a while cos i hv a shit ton of stuff to do.
But I'll take requests instead of just thinking about a character and making a smol story for them.
Also once more, thank you for following me and getting to 770+ followers (its now 831) even if i don't post much. I would also like to thank my friend Syren, who has access to my account and sees all my shit 💀, for editing this work!
Thank you all!
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mendingbone · 1 year
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i keep seeing people in their late teens/early twenties having a "[X] content intended for younger audiences does not feel satisfying to me anymore but i don't know where to start to branch out into adult fiction" moment and i thought i would give some recommendations for adult fiction for my fellow creepy crawly queer people. all or at least a LOT of it will be on the darker and more fucked up side bc i primarily engage with horror and thriller media personally but feel free to add on with more or recommendations from other genres :)
edit: i am continuing to add to this list so there might be new recs (highlighted in pink) in here every once in a while! also want to add that there's a variety of POC, queer, and disabled authors in here as well, i am also all of the above (asian, aro lesbian, poly, disabled) and tried to incorporate as many wickedly talented, compelling narratives as possible. that's all, happy reading!
A Certain Hunger, Chelsea G. Summers
A Darker Shade of Magic, V. E Schwab*
A Dowry of Blood, S.G Gibson
Animal, Lisa Taddeo*
A Ripple of Power and Promise, Jordan A. Day*
Bunny, Mona Awad*
Children of Blood and Bone, Tomi Adeyemi*
Cursed Bread, Sophie Mackintosh*
Dark Places, Gillian Flynn
Dead Girls Don't Say Sorry, Alex Ritany
Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead, Olga Tokarczuk*
Eileen, Ottessa Moshfegh*
Fruiting Bodies, Kathryn Harlan*
Goddess of Filth, V. Castro*
Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn
House of Leaves, Mark Danielewski
If I Had Your Face, Frances Cha*
Into the Drowning Deep, Mira Grant
Iron Widow, Xiran Jay Zhao
Jackal, Erin E. Adams*
Juniper and Thorn, Ava Reid*
Kindred, Octavia Butler*
Manhunt, Gretchen Felker-Martin*
Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Ninefox Gambit, Yoon Ha Lee*
Rabbits, Terry Miles*
Scorched Grace, Margot Douaihy*
Sharp Objects, Gillian Flynn
She is a Haunting, Trang Thahn Tran
Slewfoot, Brom
Sorrowland, Rivers Soloman
Summer Sons, Lee Mandelo
Supper Club, Lara Williams*
The Centre, Ayesha Manazir Siddiqi*
The Change, Kirsten Miller
The Death of Jane Lawrence, Caitlin Starling*
The Dreamer Trilogy, Maggie Stiefvater
The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson
The Hollow Places, T. Kingfisher*
The Human Origins of Beatrice Porter, Soraya Palmer*
The Jasmine Throne, Tasha Suri
The Locked Tomb, Tamsyn Muir
The Luminous Dead, Caitlin Starling*
The Red Tree, Caitlin Kiernan*
The Unfamiliar Garden, Benjamin Percy*
Vicious, V. E Shwab
Wake, Siren, Nina MacLaughlin*
We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Shirley Jackson
What Moves the Dead, T. Kingfisher*
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threelargeelefants · 5 months
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I realised I don’t have any games on my phone anymore and I’m wondering if it’s age thing or a general trend so:
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