#thank you as always catrine<3

[lilyrizzy]

Maybe a time after everything goes to hell where Max and Daniel maybe verbalize the fact that Max won't ever return to F1!

this was such a good prompt!

cw: implied child abuse

Outside their window, it’s raining. Fat droplets of water pelting against the glass, the noise reminding him of the gravel that would smack against his cars side panel every time he lost control.

It makes Max think of the TV show Victoria liked so much when they were teenagers. She’d told him, like letting him in on a secret, that when it rained in the first scene you knew it would be a sad episode and when it was sunny, a happy one. Something that the writers did to set the tone, that she’d learnt about in the English lessons Max must have sat in two years earlier drawing racetracks in his notebooks. And didn’t Max think that it was smart?

From the other end of the sofa, Daniel is muttering under his breath. Eyes darting backwards and forwards across the cracked screen of his iPad, the creases in his forehead mirroring the jagged lines in the glass. Max wants to reach over and smooth them away with his thumb. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to see what Daniel is reading.

If he got up and walked in the opposite direction, to the window, he’s lived in Monaco for long enough to know he’d see the yachts rocking on the waves. That a tourist admiring the view from their hotel room might be sure they are violent enough to make millions of dollars of aluminium crash into one another, leaving nothing but an expensive mess. Max knows better.

This is his life.

He can’t remember the name of Victoria’s show now, but he can remember the way he’d told her that it was stupid to think the weather meant anything, and then the way he’d felt sick watching her face twist up unhappily, and then mean. Her eyes got small and her mouth wider and she had told him that he was the one that was stupid, that she knew because she read his school report, that he had made their mum cry.

What did Max care about school? He had never needed to be smart. On track, he’d needed to be fast, and off-track lots of different things, but mostly compliant.

“This is all bullshit,” Daniel declares darkly, too loud for Max to pretend he hasn’t heard over the rain. “The things they’re writing- God.”

Max wants to ask why Daniel reads it so incessantly if he knows it’s all not true. It makes Max wonder if he’s waiting for the day he’ll agree with one of the journalists’ points, and then have an excuse to reconsider all the rest. Then that makes him feel mean because Daniel has never not believed him, even when it would have made his life nicer, easier.

Instead, Daniel has punched the paparazzi for him. Smashed the man’s camera lens into unusable shards.

Max stretches out his leg, prodding Daniel’s thigh with his toes. When he looks up at Max, his smile is tired.

“I can’t wait to watch these fuckers choke on humble pie when that cunt goes to prison and you win like, ten more championships, Maxy.”

He reaches for Max’s foot, holds his ankle, his thumb brushing over the knob of it. The iPad slides down far enough on his lap so Max can read the headline now, Father of F1 Champion Describes Son's History of Lying, Paranoia. A cold prickles his neck as though the rain is coming now from their ceiling, icy beads of water sliding down his spine.

“I think I will not win any more championships,” he says, pulling his foot back to tuck it under his body, and Daniel’s face falls.

“What do you mean, baby, you could win them all,” he insists. His voice is almost annoyed sounding, like maybe he thinks Max would try fishing for compliments from the one person who had to lose just so Max could win so much. But then gentler he adds, “I know you could.”

Max knows he could too.

“I think I do not want to.”

For a moment, Daniel is silent.

“You love racing,” Daniel tries again, this time like stating a fact. One Max isn’t sure is true, and he wishes his memories weren’t so slippery so that he could grasp in his hands a time he knows it was.  

“I cannot go back,” he says, because one thing he does know is that any love there is, it’s roots are twisted around something rotten. “Daniel, I-“

I want to say no.

He wants to call Victoria to ask her the name of the show. To close his eyes and open them in Rotterdam, curled up on her sofa. For them to watch an episode together with the curtains drawn against the storm battering at both their doors.

[separatist-apologist]

Lying In Between The Memories

You could call it paradise but it looks just like hell to me

Summary: Following the blood rite, Gwyneth Berdara can't shake the memories of a life long-gone.

The shadowsinger can't seem to move on after five centuries of loving the same woman.

Together, they'll have to carve a new path forward.

Read on AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Added chapter because I can do whatever I want, whenever I want

[ongoing TW for Sexual Assault]

Gwyn couldn’t recall the last time she’d slept without nightmares. Even when she woke with no memory of her dreams, her body was tense—locked up, and coated in sweat. Like it remembered what she could not, branded against her muscles. That morning, Gwyn woke late to warm, dappled sunlight caressing her face. A glance at the wall told her it was closer to noon than breakfast, with dawn long behind them.

Beside her, Azriel was asleep, too. One of his wings was still draped over her, the edge slipping from her face to hover just beneath her chin like a dark, protective blanket. His arm was tight around her waist, holding her close against his bare chest.

When was the last time she’d woken without a racing heart? Without the lingering memory of her sister's death burning behind her eyes? It was so rare that she woke screaming in the middle of the night anymore, but sometimes when her mind forced her to relive Catrin’s death, Gwyn would find a fellow priestess shaking her fearfully.

She’d expected to see that. Not Azriel, with his burning hazel eyes filled not with fear, but with fury. He’d come to avenge her. And she didn’t know why, but Gwyn had needed to see that. Just once, she wanted someone to be angry on her behalf. Wanted someone to feel the same anger she was always swallowing down to make it more palatable. 

He would have killed someone. If she’d grabbed him by the face and begged him to, Azriel would have picked that knife back up, dressed himself, and vanished into the night. And Gwyn suspected he’d be cruel about it, too—would bring her heads, would let her watch him work. She wanted that. And she couldn’t admit it to her friends, who had worked so hard to find inner and outer peace.

Gwyn didn’t think she’d ever have it. Not the way Nesta and Emerie had achieved it, anyway. Sighing, she started to untangle herself from Azriel’s grip.

He tightened his hold, the snake. “Where are you going?” he asked in that midnight dark voice of his. Gwyn shivered. 

“We have jobs to do—”

“Not today,” he replied, adjusting his hold so she was on her side facing him. “I have something I need to show you.”

“I’ve already seen you naked,” she complained, her heart picking up at the mere suggestion. Azriel rolled his eyes.

“You have not, but this has nothing to do with this bed. Although, if you feel so inclined afterwards, I won’t stop you from climbing back inside and thanking me—” Azriel laughed when Gwyn smacked him lightly in his stomach. She quite liked him when he was smiling, which seemed like something she shouldn’t admit. Azriel was always beautiful, but utterly devastating when he smiled. 

“Where are we going?” she asked.

He only shook his head, his wing pulling off her the same time he took away his arm. “Go get dressed and we’ll go.”

“No breakfast?”

Azriel leveled a flat stare. “I think you know what I’m going to say, Gwyn.”

“Yeah, yeah, something something you know what you’d like to eat.”

Azriel smiled again, sitting up to watch. “Don’t make me wait.”

It was like he knew nothing about her. Gwyn couldn’t help herself. Azriel was in a hurry? Well, maybe she wanted a bath. And after that, she thought she wanted to comb out every little knot in her hair in front of the mirror before dressing herself in one of the Montessere style dresses—blue, this time, which looked rather pretty against her auburn colored hair. Clasping the bracelet to her wrist and strapping a dagger to her thigh, Gwyn finally made her way back into their common living space.

Azriel was waiting, fingers drumming against the chair he was draped in. She hadn’t been prepared for him, dressed in a dark tunic unbuttoned just beneath his collarbones. Gleaming black boots caught against the sunlight, conforming to his powerful legs.

Suddenly, Gwyn regretted getting out of his bed. A punch of lust robbed her of breath, made worse when Azriel rose to his full height. “I brought this on myself,” he said by way of expressing his annoyance. 

“You sure did,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t answer to you.”

“And here I was, thinking we were becoming friends,” he said dryly, gesturing for him to follow her. The siphons on his hands gleamed in the light, a bright cobalt she found strangely hypnotic. His eyes caught on the bracelet, brow furrowing with some unnamed question before he looked back at her face. 

“How do those work?” she asked when Azriel gestured for her to follow him out. Azriel flexed his hand, looking at the fingerless gloves holding it in place.

“It keeps my magic from overwhelming it. Contains it, I suppose.”

“How are they made?” she pressed. 

Azriel hesitated.

“I’m not sure.”

It was a question for another day. Gesturing for the door as if he were the one holding them up, Gwyn said, “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“No.”

“Because you know I wouldn’t agree if you told me?” she guessed.

“Exactly.”

Gwyn might have pushed, but curiosity won out in the end. Azriel had some magic talent for avoiding anyone, slipping them through halls she hadn’t known existed. He clearly wanted to avoid Kai, which made two of them—Gwyn wanted to avoid the prince, too, maybe selfishly because her whole job was getting him to drop his guard enough to tell her something she didn’t already know. Something that would impress Rhysand enough that she wouldn’t have to go back to working for Merril. 

Gwyn was doing a terrible job of it. She wasn’t a courtier, didn’t know how to bat her eyelashes and smile pretty enough to get whatever she wanted. She wished she’d asked Nesta for help before she left. Nesta would have known his every miserable secret by now and would have been organizing an auction to sell it to the highest bidder. 

Gwyn could have used some of that energy. She was getting nowhere with him. She didn’t know anything the High Lord likely couldn’t have already guessed. Azriel was going to put it all together and what would she have?

Your cypher, a voice in her mind whispered. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 

“Gwyn,” Azriel murmured, drawing her attention back to him. Sun on his golden brown skin, eyes gleaming gold and green, Gwyn thought he was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. Maybe in the entire world. He outstretched a scarred hand, head inclined. 

Gwyn took it without a second thought. Azriel wouldn’t hurt her. She knew that like she knew her name. For a moment there was nothing but oppressive, shadowed darkness and the scent of his clean skin, the warmth of his body when he took the opportunity to pull her close.

Was he looking for excuses to touch her, she wondered? And did she care? Gwyn didn’t have time to consider either of those things, because cool, mountain air touched her cheek. She knew this place. She knew it before she ever saw it, recognized the smell, the way the wind brushed against the grass.

“Az—”

“I thought you’d like to see her,” he said, his voice so soft she might have imagined it. The expansive sky stretched in every direction, endless in its reach. Tall grass stretched toward it, always reaching, never touching. Gwyn could see snow-capped mountains in the distance, and knew if she walked the winding, dirt path winding through the hills, she’d find the old temple.

“This place is holy,” she breathed, looking at what had been added. Little markers, denoting every priestess who had lost her life when Hybern came looking for the pieces of the Cauldron. “It’s holy.”

Azriel didn’t say a word, hands clasped in front of his body. She noticed he hadn’t brought a weapon with him—did he agree, then? It felt wrong to step off the path, winding her way through the tall stone markers until she found the name she was looking for. 

Catrin Berdara.

Bravery without equal. 

Sister. Friend. Acolyte. 

Gwyn pressed her palm to the stone, closing her eyes. Pushing those last moments from her mind, Gwyn could see her as she’d been. Full of life, of mischief. Sunbright. Alive. 

“I didn’t know where you were,” Gwyn whispered, not daring to open her eyes. She was safe here. Azriel would keep watch, would keep anyone from getting too close. 

It was the only thing Gwyn could think to say. “I didn’t know where you were.”

But she knew, now. Gwyn supposed Rhysand must have known what had happened, and Azriel would be privy to that knowledge. Which meant Azriel knew other things, too. Turning from her sister, she found the shadowsinger staring in the distance very pointedly ignoring her. 

A surge of affection rose through her, quickly tamped down as she approached him. This wasn’t a favor—she deserved to know. Gwyn caught him bracing himself as she came closer, tucking his wings tight against his body, legs spread ever so slightly like she might attack him.

“That night,” she began, hating that she had to tell him this. Azriel watched, lips pressed tight. Gwyn tried again. “That night Hybern came, they…” Gods, she couldn’t do this.

“You don’t–”

“There were children,” she said, her voice pitching into a whisper as she said it. “I…” Rubbing her eyes, Gwyn didn’t dare look at him. She couldn’t take his pity. “I bought them time. Did they—are they…?”

Fingers slid beneath her chin, forcing her to look up. “Do you want me to take you there?”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head out of his grasp. “I just want to know it wasn’t for nothing.”

He considered this, silent as he absorbed her words. “What you did was brave, Gwyn, and I don’t think it was for nothing. Even if they didn’t survive, you tried—”

“No.”

Azriel blinked. “No?”

“That’s not good enough,” she said, shoving at his chest. Azriel didn’t budge, nor did he react, causing her to shove again. “It’s not enough to try. It had to be for something or what was the point? Why let us suffer like we did? Why abandon us?”

“Gwyn—”

“We worshiped Her!” Gwyn shrieked, some emotional dam breaking in her chest. “Dedicated our entire lives to her! And she turned her back on me!”

Gwyn shoved again, hard enough that Azriel stumbled backward. Gwyn couldn’t stop herself, balling her hand into a fist. Azriel caught it this time, eyes flashing a warning even though his mouth remained silent. 

“She left me,” Gwyn said when Azriel blocked another hit. And then another. And she knew he was letting her hit him in the first place, getting just close enough that her ringing blows slammed against his palm rather than his chest. That he was going to silently take whatever she threw at him without complaint. “I’m alone.”

“You’re not alone, Gwyn,” Azriel murmured and when she reared back to hit him in his perfect, beautiful face, he grabbed her around the middle and kicked off the ground. Dark wings blotted out the sun while strong arms anchored her against him. “You were never alone.”

“You came too late.”

Azriel sucked in a breath, skin ashen beneath the weight of what she knew was an unfair accusation. What did he owe her, truly? And yet, how could he say she wasn’t alone? Gwyn was alone. She’d been abandoned by more than just her sister, but by the very Goddess she’d once sworn her life to.

“I am alone.”

“Tell that to Nesta, then,” Azriel said in a cold, unforgiving tone. “Tell Emerie.”

Their eyes met and Azriel added. “Say it to me, Gwyn.”

Gods, she wanted to. Gwyn wanted him to hurt as badly as she did. She wanted to cut him into ribbons, to make him low and for what? So he could walk around as miserable and lost and broken as she was? 

They were so far off the ground Gwyn could only see green and blue, broken only occasionally by those same mountains. The mountains that would take her home back to the temple, and her work, and a life where she could pretend none of this bothered her. It was tempting to demand he take her back.

“Don’t shut me out,” Azriel murmured, forcing her attention back to him. “Whatever you’re thinking, I can handle it.”

“You don’t understand,” she said, about to demand he put her back on the ground. Telling him so much was a mistake. Gwyn doubted Azriel cared.

His grip on her body tightened. “My mother was a servant in my father’s household.”

Gwyn went so still. The only sound between them was the whistling wind and their frantic, furious heartbeats. A knot in Azriel’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, forcing himself to continue.

“I was an embarrassment to him. He wanted no one to know his shame…and so he and his wife put me in a dungeon for eleven years.” “Eleven…Azriel…”

He took a breath, adjusting his hold so she could look at one of his hands. “There were no windows. No lights. No flying, either, even though instinct demands it of us. I could leave for an hour a day to stand in the sunlight and eat, but never more than that. And when my brothers grew tired of their usual taunting, they found more…creative…ways to make sport of me.”

Gwyn took his hand in her own, rubbing her fingers over the white scars etched against beautiful golden brown skin.

“I used to wonder why I’d been abandoned, too. What I’d done to deserve it.”

Her eyes found us, filled with such familiar pain and loathing that her anger was siphoned out of her body. 

“I still do,” he finally said as Gwyn put her chin on his shoulder.

“That’s not exactly the motivational speech I was imagining,” she said with a huff of laughter. Azriel brushed a piece of hair from her face. 

“You meet people who remind you you’re not alone. You find new family,” he said, his lips brushing her forehead. “You keep going because the alternative is they win.”

“I do hate to lose,” she said with half a laugh, half a choked sob.

“I know you do,” Azriel replied. “And it was enough, Gwyn. The act itself was enough and I don’t give a fuck if you disagree with me. I’ve been on more battlefields than I can count and have watched soldiers turn on their best friends. I’ve watched fathers abandon sons if it meant saving themselves. And you—”

“Don’t,” she pleaded. 

He ignored her. “You had no obligation to save anyone but yourself. You had no weapon, nothing that would have helped you. They could have killed you—”

“Azriel—”

“And you stayed.” Eyes blazing, Azriel’s voice forced her eyes to his face. She couldn’t look away. “You stayed.”

Gwyn couldn’t hide her tears. Azriel didn’t look away, nor did pity ever grace his expression. “You don’t mean that.”

“I’d put you on the front lines,” he replied, which she supposed was the highest compliment someone like Azriel could offer her. “You survived.”

Wiping her eyes on her shoulder, Gwyn whispered in response, “We survived.”

Azriel nodded. “Yes. We survived.”

AZRIEL: 

“When I said advanced training, this wasn’t what I had in mind,” Azriel complained. Gwyn stared up at him with those bright, defiant eyes and fuck him for agreeing to any of this in the first place. He was so deeply in over his head he couldn’t have denied her if she’d asked him to stab himself in the stomach.

That was becoming a problem.

“I didn’t realize there was so much flirting before dancing.”

“This isn’t—” Azriel might kill her, too. “This is hardly flirting,” he grumbled, gritting his teeth as he took one hand in his own. 

“No? I just assumed you must be, because we’ve been standing here for five minutes, Azriel.”

“Because every time I try to start, you open your mouth with some snappy comment.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t bow–”

“Bowing is part of it—

“Well I hate the bowing—”

“You know what, Gwyn. Ask Kai to teach you, then,” he replied, throwing his hands up in the air. “Maybe you’ll find the bowing and courtly manners more agreeable coming from someone else.”

Once again, Azriel couldn’t help but think that Vanserra would not be torturing him the way Gwyn was. Of course, there would be no cock stroking with Vanserra, either—but likely just as much sniping. Azriel had agreed to teach her to dance since Gwyn had some grand plan to seduce Kai out of his secrets.

And Azriel, though he kept swearing to himself that he didn’t care, found himself dying a little of jealousy. Squaring her shoulders, Gwyn said, “Okay. Bow. I promise not to laugh.”

He almost hoped she did. Azriel had a persistent fantasy where he threw her over his shoulder, locked her in his bedroom, and gave that bratty mouth of hers something to do. One last time, he thought, taking a step away from her to sink into a deep bow. They’d cleared out all the furniture, creating a wide enough space to move around while Azriel taught her the basic steps of a dance.

He was hardly an expert—and he loathed dancing. It made him uncomfortable and beyond that, Rhys had once explained that dancing was a prelude to fucking.

But Azriel considered his tongue a prelude to fucking, and a far more convincing and affective one given how many dances his brother had done where females merely left him standing, looking like an idiot. Azriel had never once put his tongue on a female only for her to leave him high and dry.

Gwyn wanted to dance, though. And this was likely a prelude to her calling him illiterate. 

Again. 

Gwyn curtseyed, eyes mocking him even when he took her hand and pulled her appropriately close. “Was that so hard?”

“Yes,” she admitted with a little laugh, right before she stumbled over her feet. 

“Graceless,” he said, watching that smile slip right off her face. Swallowing, Azriel wondered how he’d never noticed just how beautiful she was. Maybe it was because Gwyn so rarely smiled at him, but at that moment, he’d never seen anyone as beautiful as she was.

He wanted her to smile at him again. 

Azriel didn’t know if he’d ever wanted something like that. 

“Sorry we can’t all be as wonderful as you.”

“Apology accepted,” he replied smoothly, moving her in a wide arc around the room. Gwyn spluttered and Azriel grinned without thinking about it. Things were just so easy around her. “Eyes on me, not your feet.”

“If I don’t look at my feet, I’ll trip.”

“Where is your confidence?”

Gwyn sighed heavily, flexing her fingers around his own. “How often are you dancing?”

Rarely, though Azriel didn’t bother to admit it. “Enough.”

“I’ll just pretend Kai is you, and my irritation will see me through.”

Azriel pulled her closer. “And when you’ve thoroughly lied to yourself and try to kiss him, what then?”

“In your dreams, shadowsinger.”

She was right about that. 

“What do you know about my dreams?”

Gwyn smiled again, unaware of the way the sight made his blood thrum in his veins. “I know they’re all about me.”

“Yeah? Tell me more, then.”

A flush crawled up her neck and suddenly Azriel appreciated what Rhys meant when he said dancing was a prelude for things far more interesting. He could scent Gwyn’s desire just as surely as she could likely smell his. Good. No pretending, then. They were beyond that—ever since he’d taken her to see her sister the day before, the air between them was lighter. Azriel had never told anyone but Cassian and Rhys about his family. He didn’t even know what had made him want to tell her. It went beyond comfort. Azriel had merely wanted her to see him the way he was certain he now saw her.

“I think you know.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, drawing her closer still, until they were moving in a tight circle, chest pressed to chest. He was going to hoist her in the air and do every filthy thing currently racing through his mind. “I do know. Tell me what I dream about.”

“I…”

“You have no idea what dreams I have about you,” he insisted, daring her to call his bluff. “No clue what I could do to you.”

Looking up through dark lashes, Azriel could have wept knowing what was about to happen. “You’re all talk, shadowsinger.”

Quicker than she could track, Azriel had her pushed against the nearby wall just beside his bedroom door. He was going to get to do what he’d hoped—throw her over his shoulder, take her to bed, pull up that dress, and taste her like he wanted. 

“Is that a dare?” he whispered, running his nose just behind her ear. “I can smell what you want.”

“You don’t know anything,” she replied, hand slamming against his chest. She could have shoved—Azriel would have backed off if she had. Instead, Gwyn fisted her fingers in the lapel of his tunic. “You don’t have the first clue what I want.”

This was insanity and he knew it. Brushing his mouth over her own, Azriel said, “Why don’t you tell me what you want, then.”

“I want you to stop talking,” Gwyn said. 

Done. Azriel pressed his mouth against her own, too hungry to be nice. Gwyn’s grip tightened against his tunic, pulling him closer to meet him with that same, desperate fervor. Fuck fuck fuck— “You’re sweet,” Azriel gasped, giving in to his every filthy thought. Gwyn squealed when he lifted her off the ground, tossing her over his shoulder.

He ought to have known better. Should have known Gwyn was never going to play damsel in distress, was never going to let him drag her around like a doll. Azriel groaned, knees buckling when her fingers slid over his wings.

He just barely managed to get her flat on his back before his legs gave out. “Cruel female,” he whispered, desperate for her to do it again. 

“You should know better,” Gwyn replied in a breathy voice that was absolutely going to be the death of him. Somehow—and Azriel couldn’t explain how—he could feel those words in the base of his cock. 

“You’re right,” he agreed, draping his wings around them both as an invitation and to blot out the world around them. Gwyn, who’d been just a shade too taut for his liking, immediately relaxed. It was just them in here. And in this little bubble, safe from the rest of the world, Azriel could kiss her the way he wanted to.

The way he’d been dreaming about. He hadn’t questioned what kind of experience she had, but Azriel guessed it was very little, given how clumsy and unpracticed she was. Gwyn was competitive, and he was patient. It took her no time to figure it out and when she did, Azriel was tempted to roll on his back and let her have at him.

Gwyn seemed perfectly content where she was, fingers in his hair while Azriel tried to figure out how exactly to touch her. That was made nearly impossible when he slid his tongue into her mouth, meeting her own with an explosion of pleasure that threatened to undo him. His whole body jerked, grinding against her lithe, soft form beneath him.

Gwyn’s legs parted and it was all over. Azriel was coming undone, could barely think. If he didn’t put his mouth on all of her, he was pretty sure he might go mad. Instinct was riding him harder than it ever had, demanded he touch, he smell, he taste. There was nothing rational left about him.

Just the animal.

Dragging his mouth from hers, a rumble of approval slipping from behind his teeth when he saw those swollen, kiss stained lips, Azriel nipped his way down her throat.

“Az,” Gwyn breathed. He groaned at the sound of his name on her lips. Did she want him to stop? Azriel looked up, face positioned just between her heaving breasts. “What are we doing?”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Blinking like an idiot, he looked back down her body. 

She leaned up on her elbows, hair spilling around her perfect, flushed face. Maybe he should kiss her again, he thought. Just for good measure, just until she was as mindless as he felt. 

“We’re…” Fuck, he didn’t know. He’d nearly said it was casual and the moment he’d tried, something reverberated angrily in his stomach. Azriel merely shook his head. “We’ll figure it out.”

Later,  he prayed, because he couldn’t compete with his cock. 

Gwyn reclined her head back, hair a molten halo of fire against the pillow. “Remember our agreement.”

No sex. How could he forget? It was all he wanted—but not if he had to beg her for it. Not if she wasn’t coming to him because she wanted it more than she didn’t. This was enough, he decided. It was better than enough, because snarky, competitive Gwyn still had her legs parted. She was going to let him touch her.

And maybe, someday, she’d let him touch her in other ways. Whatever was currently driving him had convinced him that if he did a good job, she’d want more. 

Azriel was only good at two things, which were fighting and fucking in that order. Nothing else had ever mattered to him and certainly didn’t know given the two things Gwyn consistently wanted from him involved one of those two things. Well. One of those two things.

But hopefully two. Azriel certainly wanted both when he settled himself between her thighs and pushed her dress up over her hips. Azriel groaned at the sight of her, eyes rolling back into his skull. Nothing had ever been half as pretty as Gwyn, naked and gleaming wet with arousal.

He was losing his mind. He could hear her over him, whispering his name with unmistakable fear. There was simply no way to explain what was happening or the effect she was having on him. The only way was to show her.

Azriel took a long, languid lick up the center of her body. Gwyn gasped loudly, body bowing off the bed. 

Azriel’s eyes flicked to her own. “Did you like that?” he asked, impressed he’d managed to get any words out at all.

“Do it again,” she whispered.

Thank the bloody Cauldron. 

Azriel did as he was told, delighted when she kept her eyes locked with his. He thought he could come like this, tongue teasing her clit while he watched those teal eyes become darker and darker. He wanted to watch her come again, this time on his tongue. Azriel wanted to taste it, wanted her to know without a doubt that this was all his doing.

In theory, that was a good plan. 

In practice, Azriel was far too undone to be clean around it. Gripping her thighs, Azriel draped them over his shoulder to hold her closer, until her arched back had her lower body held entirely in his hands. She fit perfectly and the gods damn him, but he wanted to know how else they’d fit. 

What was worse was the taste of her. She was going to haunt him long after they parted ways, the taste of her so absurdly sweet he couldn’t drag his mouth off of her. 

Gwyn writhed, her fingers raking through his hair to push him closer. Azriel took advantage of her desperation, fingers teasing her slick skin until she started panting his name again. Did she understand what she wanted? Or was it merely instinct that made her beg.

He’d be replaying that the next time she scowled at him in training. Tongue working her clit with mindless animal desperation, Azriel pushed one of his fingers into her body. She was so tight, and so wet it utterly destroyed him. Azriel could feel her clamped around his cock. 

Gwyn came, the sound breathless and soft—not overly loud, not the fake cries of pleasure that set his teeth on edge. This was for her, a result of her own arousal coming to its natural conclusion against his hand and mouth. Azriel could taste it, swallowing each new wave greedily as he pumped that finger in and out of her.

Another day and he’d keep her going. Would bring her to the edge again and gain, drawing her out until she had nothing left to give.

For now, Azriel pulled away to kiss her, curious to see if she’d like the taste of herself on his lips. Gwyn grabbed at his neck, legs wrapped around his waist until he could feel the heat of her through the fabric of his pants. 

Maybe he would beg. Make a fool out of himself while she told him now.

Why did he like the image of that?

Stroking her cheek, Azriel couldn’t think of anything to say. He needed to go to the bathroom and do something about his raging, aching cock before he did something stupid. He pushed himself off her, battling his instinct to stay.

Gwyn reached for his wrist. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom,” he gritted out. 

“Stay,” she said in that husky voice. A thrill of excitement skated down his spine when she sat up, smoothing out the wrinkled fabric of her skirt.

“I—”

“I want—” she began, swallowing hard. “I need to touch you.”

A loud roaring filled his ears. “You don’t have to ask,” he rasped. “Touch me.”

Please, he didn’t dare add. 

It was a dream, watching Gwyn rise from the bed and come stand between his legs. Better, when she reached for the buttons of his trousers. 

And best when those soft, callused fingers pulled out his cock, squeezing around him tightly. Azriel threw back his head, trying so hard to breathe through his nose. He was going to come far too quickly, was—

Something soft and wet licked the underside of his cock. Azriel jumped, nearly kicking Gwyn in his attempt to get away from her. “You—” he was panting, wild and hanging by the thinnest thread.

“Me,” she agreed, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did you like that?”

“I—” Fuck, he couldn’t get the words out. “You don’t—”

“I know I don’t have to,” she replied in that bratty tone of hers. “I want to. Sit back down, Az.”

Azriel sat immediately. 

“Behave yourself,” she warned him, sinking back to her knees. Gwyn was eye level with his cock, assessing it like it was one of her books. Did she like it? Azriel wanted to ask, but she licked him again. Azriel shuddered, cock twitching in her hand. Precome glistened, rolling down his shaft only for Gwyn to lick that up, too.

Azriel was going to die.

As if she read his mind, Gwyn parted her lips and took him into her mouth inch by slow, tortuous  inch. She made it nearly halfway before soft gagging erupted, causing Azriel to say, “That’s enough.”

He didn’t want that. Still, he could see that competitive edge in her eye, promising she was going to do better next time. What did Azriel care, truly, so long as she kept sucking him? It was the kissing all over again—it took her a moment to adjust, widening her jaw to accommodate the sheer size of him. Her teeth grazed his sensitive skin and Azriel had to force himself to stay still and not buck into her mouth.

What he really wanted was to slide his fingers into her hair, hold her still, and fuck that pretty mouth of hers. Azriel groaned, allowing himself to put his hands in her hair, though he was careful not to push her any further.

“Gwyn, I—” he was so close he could barely speak, his words a rasping plea. She merely worked him harder, saliva pooling against his too-tight sac.

Azriel came with a grunt, flooding her mouth as his orgasm overwhelmed him. He couldn’t think, too busy watching her swallow all of it before she released him, a look of triumph on her beautiful face. 

“Come here,” he pleaded, pulling her up into his lap. “Come here.”

Azriel kissed her, surprised to find he wasn’t spent like he usually was. The urge to keep going flared through him hotly until he tamped it down. Gwyn settled against him, the pair falling back into bed in a messy tangle of limbs.

“Stay here, tonight,” he whispered into her hair. That was selfish, too—he wanted to eat her for breakfast.

“What about my dance lessons?” she asked.

Azriel only smiled, nodding toward the door. “Alright then. But if you step on my feet—”

“You’ll do what?” she challenged.

She found out mere seconds later, trying to clamber out of bed only to find herself flat on her back again, his thigh wedged between her thighs. 

“Find out, Gwyn.”

And Gwyn laughed in response.

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Friday Kiss Tag!

thank you so much for the tag, @commander-krios!! <3

Rules: post a smooch from your writing for Friday. It can be as light as a peck or as intense as a makeout. It can be romantic or platonic or familial. As long as a smooch takes place it’s free rein!

I tag… @graysparrowao3 (whenever you’re out of tumblr jail…) and @cactusmisslittle! No pressure as always :)

I’m going with an excerpt from Chapter 10 of Planar Tears. I LOVE a frantic, feelings-wracked first kiss. So here it is. <3 (Oops, I realised it doesn’t say anywhere that this is Rolan!)

Anywhere,’ Catrin rasps. ‘Anywhere. I don’t care. I’m here because - I’d rather be with you than alone -’

‘Oh great. That’s just bloody wonderful - ’

‘I’d rather be with you because I like you! Listen to me!’

‘You can’t like me! I broke your ribs and ruined your life and almost got you killed - there is nothing you can possibly like about me!’ The wretched, stupid tears are back, swarming his eyes as he looks at her - her face, so close to his, blurs.

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Then explain to me- ’

Red rims her eyes, her lips redder too, flushed with angry colour. Her brow knits and her chest heaves; and then she puts her hand on his cheek and presses a kiss to his mouth and he makes a noise that seems outside of himself, grasping desperately at her shoulders. His lips are opening and her tongue - so much warmer than her fingers - is thrusting inside, his body melting and burning in reply like a candle thrown into a fire, sinking back beneath her consuming kisses. He’s so close to giving in, to letting himself enjoy the very thing he’s wanted so badly, his hand curling in her hair as he takes a shallow, tear-thickened breath -

With one vast, aching wrench, he pulls away.

‘You don’t want this.’ He can feel the slick of their kiss on his bruised lips. They’re barely apart, her hand slipped from his face but only as far as his shoulder.

‘Yes, I do.’ She leans in again and he tilts his mouth up to meet her, the kiss sprinting away from them in a haze of heavy breaths and frantic tongue.

[lisxdumbr]

HI LIS !! There's just *something* with the way you organize and do your themes that looks soooo pleasant to visually look at. Not too much and not too less: just right ! ♪

Mhm, this is not hate in any way, shape, or form but I do think the same as well! There is something off about the icon,,,, perhaps the way it's illustrated? That's my guess on it, but you know there's this Trick or Treat card as an alternative, if it's any better !! Still bat motif ^_^

OMG a lil sun... Wow,, heart eyes,, thank you,,, ACTUALLY that is what i think of you. You're very warm and welcoming, it's like your space is a safe haven, no terrors on sight. Just 2wink. I even think of you like yuta in my head while i'm trying to type up messages (admittedly am a person that associates people with their pfps),,,

It's like "Yoohoo!! You have discovered a 2wink secret hideout, would you try to enter it?? There's silly stuff and a nice owner!! " You're not exactly someone that produces some kind of content on your main but there is something!! Rambles aren't frequent, but I love your blog in a way that it draws me to it. To sit down in the little cafe it has and stay. I do not know how to word it properly, but despite the similarities on how main blogs operates, a force of gravity is tugging me here. I hope you get what I mean?? Hopefully!! :')

ALSO Now that I think about it, there's a possibility you could have given me the butterfly emoji if not for me exempting the insects (because they're definitely one of the prettiest emojis to you,, maybe? Apologies if I have mistaken !!) Just so happens they're creatures am afraid of ><

Thank you, as always. <3 Remember that you're special to lots of people if ever you're feeling down !! Best wishes~ My brain wants to go philosophical and say that "Life is Beautiful, but Living it is Not" but I'll wrap things up here for now<3 (actually i am insane i will go send a second ask maybeee)

— 🌻.

+ another ask;

SO. Hi again <3 second ask, as promised. Entirely unsure what to write the moment i tried typing </3

I forgot to tell you that I wish you good luck on your second theme !! <3 Me too, idk how to put a catrin on Mika's face since it's pretty much detailed (<— person who suggested the idea but doesn't know how to execute it) STILL if it's difficult for you, there's a lot of halloween theme options, just in case !!

If it's not too intrusive (?) or maybe privy, please tell me about your day !! good things or bad things, any is fine ! Really. If you want to ramble about it, or get something off for a short while. Though you can choose not to, I understand <3

(Even if it is not about your day, I don't mind you talking about something else ! I just wanted to be able to say something in my future messages !! If that's okay, you know ♪ and feel free to ask things !!)

Some things to share from my side : i am terribly scared of the next featured scout announcement especially the next Event,, rei did not come home and gambling my poor 1k dias might not be the best option !! Love is not real,, I feel your mirage yuta pain so much. Cries. Love does wonderful things like losing dias without having pulled your fave! <///3 It's funny though, he hates me (pretends to not cry).

See you in a bit ! ~

— 🌻.

I decided to reply to both of them in the same ask www I hope you don't mind. BUT HI HII, I HOPE YOU'RE DOING GREAT !!

Please, my themes are just.. themes. there's not a lot going on around (and I take a lot of inspiration out of my friends' themes. have you seen qian's or soren's? uuuu I fall to my knees when I enter to their blogs). And it's ok !! you don't have to feel bad or anything for the criticism, I love scaredy bat Yuu with all my soul but I may try the trick or treat one to see if it's any better 👀

AND,, WAHH. I'm not a sun at all, I actually always considered myself a bit dark. If anything, I'm a moon,, my name kinda comes from the moon so cough lis lore but it makes me really happy that you see me that way !! My blog is currently a 2wink space because I've been very obsessed with them lately...

Honestly it wasn't like that before? Kureibee used to be above them before. Valkyrie too at some point. I always loved 2wink but seeing how they slowly became my top 1 is like "woaH how did this happen? when did they arrive here?" Sometimes I want to believe they chose me (as explained in my 2winkversary ramble (yes I'm cringe))

And ! yeah I never intended to produce anything on my main. Main is just that y'know? I've had this account since 2018 and I've gone through s lot of phases and fandoms, but I'm really comfortable with the community I'm into right now !! I miss a lot of people that were active in enstars fandom aprox a year ago, though... but I hope they're ok.

YYESS, I would've loved to give you a butterfly honestly, but I understand your reasons ! I am very scared of bugs too, though with the years I've been controlling that fear little by little; now I actually love a lot of them ! I learned to appreciate the harmless (← important clarification) little spiders, moths, butterflies, BEES. specially bees. the other day I saw a dragonfly in my school and oh my god they're HUGE I thought they were small,, but it was so pretty ! I'm still scared of, y'know, the horrors. Venomous spiders, wasps, roaches,,, shakes. Also crickets are harmless but they're so horrible oh my god I don't like them (and obviously the list goes on but I believe you get the idea). Sunflower is still fitting though!! Or at least I think so, I really hope you're comfortable with my decision.

Thank you for your good wishes ;; you're really caring and cool, I wish you the best too ! And it's ok, I'm a really philosophical person too. I used to study philosophy when I studied psychology too.. there's a lot going on there.

ー・ー・ー　♡　ー・ー・ー

NOW to the second ask !

Thank you, honestly idk either, I may mix it with other things? It's been a long time since I had a theme of another franchise other than enstars omg.. I think the last one was. at the beginning of the year. I would like to design catrinas based on different characters though 👀 the face paint can vary a looot so I'd like to have a bit of fun with it. (honestly sad that people associate the celebration with Coco thanks to Disney 💧 I mean the movie was cool honestly but. you can't search for culture accuracy in a fantasy movie for kids and I think foreigners don't understand that sometimes 0(-( the best representation we've gotten comes from Monster High I believe. I treasure Skelita with my entire SOUL she was one of my faves when I was little).

You're really kind really wahh. I don't have much to talk about, my life is like a. spiral that goes down. constantly.. I don't want to sadden you or anything, but at least I'm ok !! I have a ton of homework and it's like 💥 but at least I like my classes ! I'm making a painting inspired on Undertale and my next engraving will be Omori themed (and I also want to make an artiswitch one because I lack creativity rn 0(-( ). I have to decide what to make for my drawing final project though. It can be anything, that's what my teacher said, but I want something. something good, something pretty.

Please feel free to come by anytime though!! you're s beloved anon and I'll always welcome you here <3 don't worry about the topic, it can be anything you like.

AND OOOH, anon lore, so you're a ReiP I see? 👀 No because I can't believe Yuta didn't come in 100 pulls, we're over. Now I'm a proud HinataP (Hina loves me for some reason. at least I have his two event scouts.. his FS didn't treat me kindly though). I HOPE YOU GET YOUR REI. grabbing him by the ears and throwing him violently to your account. He will love you. I will make sure he does.

Also as a fun fact, I have this KanataP friend and he pulled trying to get the Kanata 4* and GUESS WHAT. two copies of Rei FS2 in *INDIVIDUAL PULLS* but not s single Kanata. (He also pulled Natsume FS and Yuta FS in the anniv free pulls. Two of my faves and specifically the cards I don't own of them. I blocked him that day, I was so mad with his luck fr).

I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY !! Or had,, I don't know your timezone, it's night here though.

[aelingalathyniusrailme]

gwynriel appreciation week-day 3

identity

“I am the rock against which the surf crashes. nothing can break me”

“you are immortal. you are very hard to break. that’s what I told myself”

Honorary headcanon: what to memories and chocolate have in common? they are both bittersweet.: gwyn and az bond over their love of chocolate. 

Azriel thought he was alone. He should have been alone. 

The hour was late, far too late for any but the spymaster who could never find sleep the way others did so easily. Azriel moved through the house like wind, his feet were silent as he headed towards the kitchen. He looked over his shoulder, always especially careful when he didn’t want witnesses. Azriel’s ears were sharp and aware, his shadows alert for any unwanted visitors. 

He sat down at the table and a with a soft clink a glorious piece of chocolate cake appeared before him. Az gave an inaudible thanks to the house. He picked up the fork and dove in. The moment the rich dessert hit his tongue, the tension released from his body. Azriel felt his eyes close and he groaned in appreciation. Away from any prying eyes, he finally allowed his posture to relax as he sunk deeper into the chair. 

Minutes passed when Azriel’s eyes shot open, he grabbed his dagger by the hilt and turned, fast as lightning, ready to bolt. Before he could slip away, his eyes met hers and he stopped. 

Gwyneth Berdara looked him over, eyes wide. The shock subsided quickly and a broad smile overtook it. He tried to regain his composure “Priestess.” He nodded, starting to leave. She said nothing, but moved to let him through. Azriel had no idea how he didn’t hear her coming as her steps were clear as day now. 

He got as far as the steps before he heard a feminine voice call his name. “Azriel?” He paused. “is this yours?” Oh shit. He had forgotten about the cake. Az walked back to the kitchen. Gwyn was biting her lip to keep from laughing, and failing as she let out a soft chortle and looked away from him.

“What?” he said defensively. 

“Oh nothing, it’s just, I never would have guessed the big scary shadowsinger has a thing for sweets.” 

“I do not have a thing for sweets” he scoffed. 

“Really?” her brows raised in disbelief. “What do you call this then?” Gwyn gestured to the half eaten cake on the table. 

“That’s not mine.” 

“wow I never pegged you for a liar.” gwyn laughed, the sound was full and joyful. “and a terrible one at that” 

“I am not a terrible-” 

she cut him off and tapped the seat next to her “here come sit.” She must have seen the confusion on his face because she said “Well I can’t in good conscience eat someone else’s dessert without at least sharing it with them. especially if it’s chocolate.” Azriel’s mind was a storm of emotions. no one had ever asked to share cake with him, why would they bother, why would she bother? 

After a moment he walked over and sat down next to the redheaded priestess. she offered him a second fork and Gwyn took a bite and moaned “mm chocolate.”

“I never would have guessed the small scary valkyrie would have a thing for sweets.” he teased, repeating her words.

 “touche. I do love sweets but nothing compares to chocolate.”

“obviously.” the words slipped before he could register what he was saying. 

Gwyn stood triumphant “I knew it. you do love sweets.” Azriel gave her a small reluctant grin. yes he did love dessert. “well chocolate will always hold a special place in my heart. see my sister catrin, in sangravah, she used to steal small pieces of chocolate from the priestesses and share them with me. they were a delight.” She smiled fondly at the memory. And Azriel couldn’t help but wonder how she could do that, just share apart of herself with no hesitation, with someone she barely knew no less. He marveled at her ability to to talk so freely about a subject as painful as her sister. 

He supposed if she could be brave then he owed her the same. “my mother” Azriel said softly. gwyn looked up as if she was surprised he had spoken. “I was only allowed to see my mother once a year, and every year without fail she baked me a chocolate cake,” he took a deep breath, “and I guess that during the hard days, it became sort of a habit to take comfort in it.” 

“she sounds like an amazing women.”

“she is.”

3 slices, a glass of wine, and some lovely conversation later and gwyn and az had both fallen asleep. They slept through the night dreaming of the heavenly taste of chocolate cake and the friend they got to share it with. 

[jennyofoldstone]

Gwyneth Berdara appreciation week- day 2

MUSIC|SINGING

Modern AU headcanons: Gwyn is a singer

Trigger Warning: anxiety/grief

Gwyneth Berdara started writing songs right after the death of her twin sister, Catrin, in a horrible accident when they were 15. “It should have been me”, Gwyn used to think

Her first songs were about Catrin and how her death affected her.

Gwyn met Nesta and Emerie during a group counseling for people who couldn’t recover from their grief. Nesta had lost her father 2 years ago, while Emerie’s girlfriend died the year before. They recognized each other, supported each other and they knew their friendship would last forever.

There were days that she couldn’t even breath with the pain of losing her sister tearing up her chest. Music however, was a sweet oblivion, even for a few moments.

When she was 18, her best friends, Nesta and Emerie, applied her to “Prythian Got a Talent”. She sang “Always with me”, a song about Catrin. There wasn’t a single dry eye between the judges or the audience.

Gwyn won the competition singing Swan Song, a track from her favorite singer, Vassa Queen. Her mezzo soprano voice enchanted everyone. From in this moment, her career skyrocketed.

3 months after her victory, Gwyneth Berdara launched her first studio album in partnership with Day Court Records. She became great friends with Helion, the owner, and his heir, Lucien.

Her 1st album, Sangravah, was a huge success, and she received 2 Grammy nominations: Best new artist and Record of the year for “Sweet Oblivion”. Gwyn won the former.

The next few years were a blur of fans, money and music. And missing her sister. Sometimes she thought she would lose herself, but Emerie and Nesta were always there to ground her.

Over the next years, she launched 3 more albums and won many awards. Her songs were more joyous this days, but sometimes she would go back to the rock bottom, the pain a faithful companion.

When she was 24, a man started to stalk her. He sent horrible letters filled with obsessive declarations and threats.

Gwyneth met Azriel through Nesta and her fiancé, Cassian. Cassian and Azriel met when they were kids and started to work to the Prythian Government at the same time. They were brothers the same way Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn were sisters. By heart.

Azriel had a security company and, since her stalker tried to broke into her home, she now needed a more specialized protection. When she first met him, she thought he had the prettiest scowl she has ever seen.

He was always so damn serious and utterly overprotective. Once, while she was on a date, he spent the entire evening, on a table nearby, glaring at her companion, with his pretty scowl glued to his face. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date.

In the beggining, he called her Miss Berdara, saying it wouldn’t be proper to call her by her first name.

He didn’t talk much, but he listened to her. Her joys, her sorrows, and her singing. He liked cinnamon candy and he smelled like it. It was amazing.

The letters from her stalker continued for months. Her team tried hard to intercept those letters, but it always go to her. The man would always write about all the depravities he wanted to do to her. One of this times, Azriel found her crying curled up in her bathroom floor. He stayed for hours comforting her and saying words of encouragement until she fell asleep. “Nothing can break you, Gwyneth” he said before going away. It was the first time he called her by her first name.

Azriel taught her personal defense. It started innocent enough, but soon having his body pressed so close to her almost everyday, the scent of sweat and cinnamon sorrounding her, became the sweetest torture. And by the heated looks he sent her way and the hardness pressed against her, she knew it was the same for him.

Their training sessions inspired her to write Cinnamon Boy.

Gwyn knew he loved to hear her singing. His eyes would warm up and the tiniest smile would grace his lips. But when she heard his laugh for the first time, she thought no sound would compare to this.

Their first kiss was during one of their trainings sessions. They liked to compete and Azriel said that if she could beat him, at least once, she could ask for whatever she wanted. 30 minutes later he was on the floor, with a joyful redhead above him.

The kiss was nothing like what Gwyn expected. In her fantasies, he would kiss her hard and deep, marking her forever. The reality was a sweet, slow kiss, like he was afraid she would disappear. Like it was his only chance to savor her. And while his rough hands went up and down her arms, she knew it was impossible to take him out of her heart.

Their second kiss was exactly like she dreamed of. He was ignoring her, pretending nothing happened and she finally worked up enough courage to face him. Things escalated quickly and one moment they were screaming, and in the next one his lips were on her, hard and demanding, marking her forever. Soon he left her, aching for him and a taste of cinnamon in her mouth.

He tried to keep his distance after their kisses. Went back to call her Miss Berdara. And went out on a date with his ex girlfriend. That night, Gwyn wrote “Rose Necklace”.

She woke up 4 in the morning, calloused strocking her hair and a drunk, tearful man seating by her side in her bed. The date was a disaster, he couldn’t even look at Elain without feeling dirty and thinking about Gwyn. Cradling her face, no longer caring about his scars, Azriel said then he couldn’t take her out of his heart.

Her stalker final strike was at a concert in Adriatta. The man tried to kidnap her inside her changing room. He hurt Balthazar, the security responsible to protect her while Azriel was checking the perimeter. The man didn’t count on Emerie and Nesta inside the room with her. Or her own new enhanced fighting skills.

Afterwards, Azriel twirled her around and said she could ask him whatever she wanted. She answered she didn’t need anything more now since she could kiss him whenever she wanted.

Her favorite book author, Sellyn Drake, asked her to record a track for the adaptation of one of her novels, Shadow Songs. It was a dramatic romance, with a little good dose of mystery and steam.

The song she recorded, “Secret, lovely beauty” was a hit inside and outside the theaters. It earned her a Oscar nomination for Best Original song.

The pain of losing Catrin would never go away. The hole inside her chest was still there, but now there was so much love inside her heart that she could finally breath.

Gwyneth Berdara started to write songs to let out her feelings towards the loss of her sister. In the last 10 years of she discovered she could write about many other things. Amazing things like love and friendship. And while she was up that stage thanking the Academy for chosinger her song, the look of pride and love in her fiancé’s and the sisters of her heart’s eyes was the best award she could ever win.

[emilia3546]

Shadowsinger Part 16 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter*

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part 15

*****

Maddy was practically dancing with joy when Azriel's shadows cleared and she spotted a head of auburn hair beside him,

"You brought her!" She squealed, then calmed herself down, just long enough to make sure Azriel wasn't an impostor, "The stars are bright tonight."

"They shine with the moon." Gwyn narrowed her eyes, and Azriel chuckled, "It's a code, only Maddy and I know it, and now you, it's to ensure that neither of us is compromised." Gwyn nodded, and glanced around the clearing, "It's just us, I meet them one on one, some don't know the others' identities, Maddy does, but she's my second." 

"Okay," Gwyn nodded, and turned her attention to Maddy, "You were at the Hewn City, is that where you work?" Maddy shrugged,

"At the moment, but I can get into pretty much anywhere, although I'm not usually a 'guard' I was lucky that no-one noticed me last time." Azriel huffed in agreement, and Gwyn raised an eyebrow at him, "He thinks I'm reckless."

"Azriel said that?" Gwyn nudged him in the ribs, "You're one to talk!"

"Moving on," he muttered, rolling his eyes as both females lapsed into giggles, "Cauldron spare me," he mumbled, waiting for Gwyn at least to stop to breathe, "Maddy, c'mon, shut up." She snorted once more, but she did mange to quieten down, laughter still dancing in her eyes as she looked between Azriel and Gwyn. She was calm, relaxed, still alert, but she grinned at Gwyn as Azriel explained their position, and she smiled back, oh she could definitely get on with this. 

"I'll keep an eye on Keir, I wouldn't put it past him to try and stab you in the back with the darkbringers."

"Neither would I," Azriel's eyes were dark, his face near-unreadable as he spoke, "I've contacted those I can on the continent, but I want you on standby to head over there if we need." Maddy nodded, 

"What's Gwyn's role in this?"

"I'm helping Az with plans and communication, and I'm backup, I'm not planning on going into the field, if I fight, it'll be with my sisters,"

"You have sisters?"

"I had one, a long time ago, but I meant Nesta and Emerie, if it comes to fighting, I'll fight with them and the Valkyries." Shadows gathered around her at the mention of Catrin, and she could almost sense Azriel's worry for a moment before she smiled again. Once Azriel had finished with his list of discussions, Maddy grinned at Gwyn again, and pulled her aside, 

"I thought he'd never bring you along." She whispered, "He's such an idiot, he seems to think we might scare you off."

"He is an idiot," Gwyn glanced around to check that he wasn't listening, "But he's my idiot. And I'll be coming along all the time now, he was just waiting for me to ask, to say that I wanted to come." She offered Maddy another grin before crossing back to Azriel, and gripping his hand,

"Gossiping about me?" He chuckled, but before Gwyn could deny it, wind was rushing in her ears as he winnowed home. Gwyn stumbled on landing again, but kept her feet, somehow it was easier than when Rhys had winnowed her before,

"Az, why is it different when you winnow than Rhys? Isn't it the same?"

"Actually, no, I sort of shadow-winnow I guess, it's not true winnowing, so it different than when someone who can properly winnow does it, but I prefer it. I don't like it when Rhys winnows me anywhere, it's weird." Gwyn snorted,

"I know what you mean, it's disorientating, but you're not much better."

"Azzy? is Gwyn with you?" Gwyn stepped around Azriel, and grinned as she saw Theia stepping out of the house, 

"Oh, good, I just got a rather worrying letter from a friend, from Ironcrest." Gwyn didn't notice herself grasping Azriel's hand, didn't notice the way she looked across at him, unconsciously willing him to relax, 

It'll be okay, we'll fix it, whatever it is. Breathe. There was no way he could hear the words, but she thought them anyway, and he did seem to calm,

"Let's go inside," Gwyn muttered, following Theia towards the downstairs office, leading Azriel behind her, rubbing soothing circles on the back of his hands, and smiled when he stared down at where their hands joined. She could almost hear the thoughts running through his mind at that moment, so she gently lifted his hands, and softly pressed her lips against them, "These hands saved me, Az, you have nothing to be ashamed of." She whispered before finally going inside.

"Apparently Ironcrest is split down the middle, those who stayed, who are loyal, and those whose families have gone, who are accused of being rebels, I don't know if they all are or not, but she's worried that a civil war might break out if nothing is done."

"But the rebels themselves aren't back?" Azriel's voice was still strained, worried, but he still managed to keep a air of calm around him,

"No, it's just their families, wives and children, they're being threatened and picked on, I don't know what you can do about that, though."

"We can certainly do something, I'll head over there now," Gwyn nodded, 

"Let me just grab something for my hair, I'll be right back,"

"No, I'd like you stay here, Gwyn,"

"What? But-"

"It's sounds really unstable, you'll be a walking target for both sides, just let me go and check it out so I know what we're dealing with." She could push him, could force him to let her go, but it would only upset him, and her being there probably wasn't necessary, especially if he needed to be unseen, it was easier to hide alone. She sighed, 

"Just be careful, and be back as soon as you can."

"Thank you." He leaned down to kiss her quickly before slipping away, with Gwyn's gaze following after him as far as she could see him. She started at Theia's hand on her shoulder,

"He'll be fine, he's our Azzy." Gwyn huffed, but stayed staring after him, 

"I do worry about him. Especially at the moment, he still thinks I'll see this other side of him and leave, that his family will leave him, and he'll be on his own again. He doesn't quite understand that he can't scare me off." She finally turned to Theia, and found only understanding and hope in the female's face, "I don't know what to tell him to make him see that. War is horrible, but he's not, he's not, and he won't see that, he thinks he's irredeemable because of how he's been forced to survive," tears filled her eyes as she spoke, "And it hurts to see him thinking things like that, knowing that I can't make it go away, that I can't help him."

"You do help him. You should have seen him before he met you. You've brought him to life, and you've made them love you too," she gestured to the shadows hiding in the corner,

"Get over here, you busybodies," Gwyn chuckled, and laughed as they raced around her,

"Just tell him how you feel, all you have to do is be there, show him that he can't push you away, that you'll still be there through difficulties. It will take time for him to realize, for him to believe that he deserves you, but all you have to do is show him every day how much you love him." She chuckled at Gwyn's widened eyes, "It's so obvious, even if neither of you will admit it, just make sure you've got a contraceptive tonic," she joked,

"Oh, we're not, I mean, I don't think I can, not that I don't love him, and he's so gorgeous, but I just can't." Gwyn clapped a hand over her mouth, "I'm sorry, I just," she broke off at the tears in Theia's eyes as she closed the distance between them and cupped Gwyn's face in her hands,

"You can always talk to me."

"Thank you, I think I'll get there, but for now I'm still a bit scared, but less every day."

"We all are initially," We? Gwyn blinked her surprise, "Azriel thinks he was the product of an affair, and he's half-right, but I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth." Theia drew in a deep breath, and Gwyn waited, letting her gather her thoughts, speak in her own time. "It wasn't quite an affair, Azzy's father took what he could, but he couldn't take my heart, my courage, my love for my son, and whoever it was cannot take that from you. You are stronger than what happened, and it will take time, but when you want to make that choice, whenever it is, whether that is tomorrow or a hundred years from now, Azriel will be waiting for you, he will always wait for your choice." Gwyn smiled as she recalled his face when she had first kissed him,

"I know."

*****

It was difficult to hide in broad daylight, difficult but not impossible, and Azriel settled into a spot by the training pitch, almost wincing as one particular boy was beaten down again and again, insults spat at him, and it took all of Azriel's self control not to leap to his aid. He wasn't seeing that boy in that moment, all he could see was Cassian, remember the tears that he refused to allow to fall every time he took a fight for Azriel, every time Rhys' mother had to clean him up, every time the instructors punished him for something that wasn't his fault. Every jab from the other boys had him struggling not to squirm, their words were so similar to those old insults,

"Traitor," Bastard

"liar," Bastard

"Rebel," Bastard

"Where's Daddy gone?" That one hit home, and Azriel squeezed his eyes shut to avoid moving, only opening them at the sound of another voice

"Daddy's a traitor," Mommy's a whore. Neither of them had known what that had meant the first time it had been spat at them, both of them, but it was always Cassian who took the brunt of the insults, the beatings. And it was always Cassian who had sought the approval he had never been allowed to have from Illyria, and the way certain lords looked at him still made Azriel's stomach turn, made him want to punch their teeth in, but Cassian could fight his own battles, Cauldron knew he'd had to. The boy on the pitch shouted for the others to stop when he fell again,

"Daddy can't protect you now, little traitor." Azriel's heart bled for the boy, covered in mud, struggling to stand. He screamed when someone twisted his wing, and tried to crawl backwards away from them, but found himself crashing into someone's boots,

"Watch yourself, boy." The warrior shoved him back towards the other boys, and he fell straight back into the mud at their feet, curling into a ball to protect himself, sobbing at every hit. Azriel couldn't take it any more, and he cursed himself as he moved, crossing the pitch, ignoring every questioning glance, but he couldn't just watch,

"Hey! That's enough, leave him alone, can't you see he's down?"

"He's a traitor."

"Is he? And who decided that, you?"

"His father's gone with all the others."

"So? We do not judge the son by the sins of the father," Azriel spat as he helped the boy to his feet, catching him when he swayed on his feet and lifted him into his arms, "You lot are banned from training for a week. Understand?" They quickly nodded,

"Yes, Sir, sorry." They certainly knew who he was then, and the boy in his arms shifted and groaned in pain,

"It's alright, son, I've got you, can you tell where your mom lives?" He muttered an address just loud enough for Azriel to hear before his eyes rolled back in his head and flickered closed. The only signs of life were the slight rise and fall of his chest, and the sound of his breathing. Azriel nodded to the warriors across the pitch, and glared at the male who'd encouraged the bullies,

You and me, anytime. The other male dipped his head, breaking eye contact, and stepped away from Azriel, still glancing over his shoulder long after Azriel had left the pitch. There were clear signs of unrest as he walked through the town, some shops were empty, others full, others smashed to pieces, some houses too. He took a breath before knocking on the door that the boy had said was his mother's, and tried to offer a reassuring smile when a small female opened the door, cringing away from him when she recognized him,

"I haven't done anything wrong," she whispered, dropping her gaze to the floor,

"I know," she glanced back up, and gasped when she saw her son in his arms,

"Oh gods, what happened to him? Is he okay?"

"I think he will be. Some of the others took it upon themselves to single him out as his father's vanished with the rebels."

"Please, my husband is not a rebel, there's been some sort of mistake." She shook her head again and again as she gathered a bowl of water to clean her son up. "I don't know where he's gone, but he's not a rebel, please, I sent a letter, to, to your mother, you have to believe me, please."

"I do believe you, " Azriel said quietly, "I'm not here to question you, I'm here because I couldn't watch him get hurt any more, but I do need to understand the situation here, what more can you tell me?"

"I don't know a lot, the males clam up whenever a female is around, they don't stop us training, but they won't talk about the coming war, the rebels, or anything important around us, I've only heard a few things that I wasn't supposed to hear."

"Those are always the most useful things. Anything you have is great,"

"I suspect you already know that the rebels, and their sympathizers have gone, I don't know where, but there's been a lot of tension between loyalists and those left behind." She swallowed, and handed Azriel a cloth to hold while she went to fetch he healing kit, and she started in surprise when he started to help cleaning the mud off her son, "I've never met a male who'd help with anything like that," she whispered,

"You can't have met many decent males then,"

"No, I live in Ironcrest, I took the best there was, and I do love him, but he's still under the pressure from the others, the assholes, so he doesn't do any chores or anything, but he will sometimes cook for me, mostly if I've had a long day."

"It'll get there, one male at a time, it'll get there. You can help, raise your son to be a good male,"

"Will he come back? My husband? I didn't hear anything from him, one day he was here, and the next when I got back from fetching Callum from training, he was gone. No-one will buy my clothes any more, they say he's a disgrace, even my father looks the other way when I pass him on the street. My mother has been slipping me money, but I'm scared my father will notice, I can't survive without it, but if he catches her," she didn't need to finish her sentence for Azriel to know what she meant. "I know it's the same for others, some have brothers or sons that can still help, but anyone who doesn't, they won't accept our work, I used to be known as the best seamstress in Ironcrest, now nobody will buy my work, they say it's tainted with betrayal." Tears welled in her eyes, "And every day, Callum comes back with more bruises, I know sometimes getting a few little injuries are a part of training, but it's worse than ever before, I worry that one day they'll kill him,"

"I won't let that happen," Azriel swore, "I'll get back to Velaris, and we'll figure something out, thank you, write to my mother if you need anything else, or if there's anything else that happens,"

"Of course, thank you, Azriel." He nodded before slipping back outside, waiting for her back to be turned before leaving a little pouch of coins on the side, vanishing before she could turn back to see it.

*****

With Azriel gone, all Gwyn could do was find Nesta and Emerie, organize the Valkyrie trainees they already had, and plan for training the Illyrian females. There were some who had done some training, mostly youngsters, but Gwyn would never consider putting children in harm's way, never. Nesta huffed when they finally finished the numbers, 

"We only have thirty priestesses, and only fourteen who could possibly fight, but fewer who would actually do it." She muttered, "And Illyria, what was it, Em, about a hundred?"

"Yes, that have already had some training, but we should have time to get some intensive training set up, we can gather those who wish to fight into a new, temporary camp perhaps, get some of those more agreeable males to help training them, I doubt Az and Cass will be able to get over there often, we might be able to be there a bit more though." Gwyn nodded, 

"If what Theia said is happening is widespread, we may need to move some families for now anyway, are Rhys and Feyre back?" 

"I don't think so," Nesta said, "Feyre said she'd let me know when they got home, they're still inspecting the darkbringers as far as I know." She tried to hide it, but Gwyn couldn't miss the flash of worry in Nesta's eyes, and she smiled encouragingly at her, laughing when her head snapped sideways, to the doorway, to the crying. Cassian immediately handed Nyx to his mate,

"I don't know how to stop him crying," he admitted, and Nesta gently rocked him in her arms, crooning softly to the child, and he quietened for a moment, but wailed again, and Gwyn whispered for the shadows around her to go play with him. He screamed in delight when one of them tickled him, grabbing out at them, and giggling in delight. Gwyn smiled, and jolted at a gentle elbow in the ribs from Emerie,

"I didn't know you could control them," she muttered,

"Not as well as Az can, but they like me apparently, so they listen. It's been pretty recent though, they used to just be sort of fascinated with me, and now they occasionally whisper to me, I can't properly understand them, but sometimes I get a couple of words, or a feeling or something," Emerie raised an eyebrow, "You don't believe me!"

"I do believe you, I just think it's funny,"

"Oh shush," she muttered, "Stop that,"

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that,"

"Like what?" Emerie asked innocently,

"Like you're expecting some sort of grand reveal, you've been reading too many books," Emerie just chuckled and turned back to Nesta with Nyx, her face softening when her gaze landed on the sleeping baby. Emerie wasn't right for expecting some big declaration, Theia had said it was obvious, did Azriel know? Oh gods, she had to talk to him, it was getting dark, surely he would be home soon. At her worry and sudden confusion, the shadows darted back across to her, hiding her from view, and Gwyn swatted them away, mumbling that they were busybodies, but she did love them really, she loved more than just them. No matter how she tried to ignore it, to convince herself that it wasn't happening, she had to admit, she'd been falling for a long time now. Apparently so had Azriel and she wasn't going to run away any more, she loved him, and she wanted to make that choice, she wanted him, just him, for the rest of her life, and for some reason that thought didn't scare her any more.

[jekacatrina]

Questions!!! (18) Do You Collect Anything? (25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? (35) Do You Believe In Magic?(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? !!!!!! <3 <3

Char, my honey!!!

18. I collect editions of the Wizard of Oz, my favorite classic, I have 6 so far, also colorful mexican skulls, they are called catrin (for man) and catrina (for woman), that's where my Tumblr name comes from.

25. I'm terrified of the ocean, and I used to love swimming in pools but now I find it gross 😅

35. I do! I believe in good and bad magic 🤯

73. My favorite quote in general comes from a Stephen King novel called "Lisey's story" and it goes like this: You want to be good for the ones you love, because you know that your time with them will end up being too short, no matter how long it is. It's kinda a rule I live by, be good to my loved ones, always.

Thanks for asking, dear 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[brockleytobrooklyn]

And that was it. The final thing to do is post a map of our route and all our stops along the way.  For some reason I totally failed to take a photo of us all at the airport, leaving Denver bound for London.   The above are all photos I took from the dashboard at various points, and the bottom photo is still the screensaver on my phone three years later.

 As I posted on facebook at the beginning; 4 weeks, 2 countries, 5 states, 5 national parks, 3 kids and 0 adult company. I drove 2261 miles (not to mention the 15 hours on trains) and took even more photos over the course of this epic road trip, and it really was the holiday of a lifetime. I was, and remain, so proud of my three little adventurers, and of myself for having the bottle to do it. I had been a bit nervous beforehand that I was completely mad to embark on this trip but it was honestly one of the best things I’ve ever done. The children were brilliant company and we encountered nothing but friendliness, kindness and generosity all along the way. We were really tempted to just keep driving and see more and more of the beautiful, incredible, crazy United States, but it was time to go home.

We still talk about our last hurrah and my only regret is that it has taken me so long to write up this part of the blog, that a lot of the funny little details and memories have been lost along the way. And of course that Tom missed out on this amazing experience, still at work in New York and living in our empty apartment, it must have been a pretty miserable few weeks for him. He went back to London a day or two ahead of us, so he was there to meet us at Heathrow when we landed on 8 August. And then it was back to our London life and the whirlwind of settling back into the house, seeing family and friends, settling back in to school and then eventually for me, returning to work. 

It is hard to believe that we have now been back in London for as long (longer in fact) than we lived in New York, and we still love and miss it. It was an incredible time of our lives - really hard in many ways but also so very brilliant in many others with truly wonderful experiences, friends and neighbours, places and adventures. I am so glad we did it and I will always treasure our memories. We will always be New Yorkers now. 

I hope that this blog will be a lasting memory for all of us to look back on long in to the future.  Thank you for reading! 

Catrin 

xx 

[sparklyaxolotlstudent]

La Catrina Part 3

In which Adrien is denser than Stitch.

“Well, that was weird”

Adrien threw himself at his oversized bed, while Plagg came out of his school bag and went to his minifridge for some cheese.

“The fact that you’re a model yet use the same tacky clothes everyday?” He said, taking a big chunk of the stinky cheese he loved so much.

“No…” Adrien looked at his clothes. “Well, besides that. That Anciel guy inviting me to that festival. I thought he hated me”

“Is that the guy who told you that your full name was Adrien ‘Doormat’ Agreste?

“… yes”

“Wasn’t he also the guy who apologized for calling you an idiot because he thought you already knew?”

“… yes”

“And also called you as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’?”

“… pretty sure he hadn’t said that”

“Oh, he probably told it to Marinette behind your back” another big bite of cheese. “Oh right, you were saying?”

“That it was weird that he invited me to the festivel, since he clearly thinks so lowly of me”

“What else he said? It’s just the two of you?”

“You were there”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t paying attention”

“We’re going with Nathaniel and Marinette too.”

“Maybe it’s a double date and he’s being the wingman”

“A double date? But I don’t like Nathaniel that way!”

Plagg stopped midchew. He was using all his willpower to not slap some sense into Adrien, as he was pretty sure he would only get the poor kid thanosed. Or more confused. He then realized he only had two options, either be frustrated with this kitten obliviousness, or troll him into oblivion and enjoy the ride there. He chose the second one.

“Well, Marinette did help you that time with the fencing girl. Maybe she just wants a date with the Rainbow kid and was too self-conscious to tell you about it herself.”

“But I’m not gay! I mean, Nathaniel is kind of cute and has pretty eyes, but he’s not my type!... I mean, if I had a type for guys!”

“Ah well, then you should just cancel and let Marinette on her own, despite being such a Good Friend™ to you” Plagg was using all his willpower not to snicker. How could Adrien not realize the setup was for him and Marinette was beyond him, and he was older than time. Well, the Time Kwami was technically his older sibling, but still…

Adrien was confused, on the one hand, he didn’t liked Nathaniel that way, but on the other hand, he did owe it to Marinette. He then wondered if he could switch Nathaniel for Luka, like Marinette did. No wait, maybe for another girl.

“I was sure Marinette was into Luka… maybe that’s her type? Androgynous slim guys with black nail polish?”

Plagg just looked at him. He never jumped this high even when he was Chat Noir. “GAH! Fine! I will do it! FOR MARINETTE!”

Adrien marched to his father’s office, as it was the only obstacle for his date with… Marinette’s date he meant. He knew his schedule was as packed as always (Except when it mysteriously wasn’t) but this time he would go there even if that meant confronting his father. He arrived at the ridiculously big office, outside of which was Nathalie in an equally ridiculously big desk.

“Nathalie! I need to speak with Father”

Nathalie looked up from her work, unimpressed.

“Adrien, what a great coincidence. I was about to go for you, your Father wants to talk with you.”

“Oh fiddlesticks” Adrien swore in a lowe voice. It usually wasn’t a good thing that his father requested him. Nathalie looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Sorry for my rude language”

Nathalie then buzzed Mr. Agreste, and they both got inside his office.

“Father, before anything else happens, I want to ask for permission this Friday for the Festival of Dia de Muertos that the Morales family is hosting.” Gabriel raise an eyebrow, looking intensely at his son. “Marinette…”

“The designer girl from your class? You’re going with her?”

“Well, technically…”

“Hmm… Mister Morales actually called personally to request our presence on the festival. We might even make a deal and he gets to feature some of my brand in his next movie. Maybe his daughter will even dress an Agreste original for a Gala. I think Pink is her color…. Anyway, he did request for us to wear something appropriate to the celebration, so Nathalie has been investigating in some Catrin suits. Miss Morales wants to do the sugar skull make-up herself”

Gabriel was happy that his son finally got on a date with his little secret girlfriend that he did not want to talk about, and in such public event! Maybe it was a bit too soon to be thinking on grandchildren, but he sure as heck was going to keep sketching wedding dresses until he made the perfect one for his future daughter-in-law. He was very glad, if a bit annoyed, that both times that Marinette Dupain-Cheng had attracted his attention – or rather, Hawk Moth’s- she had been able to calm herself down and evade the butterfly. His son deserves the best of the best, and if that meant a girl who managed to convert her negative emotions into something positive, even if it was frustrating him that there was someone defying his akumatizations, then so be it.

Adrien was again at his room. Plagg was… being Plagg. Adrien was still processing what just had happened.

“That went better than how I anticipated”

“Oh?”

“Father allowed me to go to the Festival without any strings attached. Well, I do have to wear a Catrin suit, and Gabriella will paint my face like a sugar skull”

“A Sugar Skull? I love those! They were better when they used grounded human bones, but sugar is okay too.”

“In hindsight, I should have remembered that Gabriella was friends with Marc and Marinette is a much better planner than me. She probably asked Gaby to tell her parents.”

----

“I HAVE NOTHING PLANNED! THIS IS A DISASTER!” Marinette was going though her wardrobe, hoping to find the perfect outfit for her date with Adrien. The girl squad was of course with her. “IF I CHOSE THE WRONG THING THE MORALES MIGHT SEE IT AS AN INSULT TO THEIR CULTURE AND I WILL CREATE AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT AND ADRIEN WILL HATE ME FOREVER!”

“Would you relax a bit girl?” Alya teased her friend, trying to be reassuring. It wasn’t working.

“Yeah, I’m sure Adrien would love anything you wear” Added Rose, always the positive influence.

“I bet you could go wearing a potato sack and he would still love it” grinned Alix.

“To be fair, Marinette would make that potato look very cute on her.”

Rose looked at Juleka about to protest, but conceded the point. “Yeah, Marinette would look cute in anything”

“Girls, girls, focus! We have to help Marinette chose something appropriate for her date”

“Do we? Didn’t you said that Marc told you that you were going to coordinate with his friends?”

“Yeah, when I went last year with my daddy, most people went dressed in traditional garb. I was the most fabulous one, of course”

The other girls looked at Chloe. They still couldn’t believe that Marinette had invited her to their Girl Squad™ meeting. She had been behaving, but it was still weird.

“It’s not mandatory, but the Morales really encourage people to share the traditions to have a good time.”

“And how was the party?” Asked tentatively Rose.

“I wish I had been less sour back then, I missed out on some fun. It was great, people dancing, a real mariachi band, and the food! It was exquisite!”

“I thought you only liked sushi…”

“I do love me some sushi, thank you very much, but their salads and traditional dishes were delicious. And the desserts! I had buñuelos, tamarindos, cocadas, and Sugar Skulls are really not my thing, but Gaby gave me one made of amaranth and honey, and it was really tasty. I got a few pounds that weekend hehe”

The girls giggled nervously. They really liked this new Chloe and hoped she would last a lot.

“Cesaire is right, you should relax, the Morales are really nice people, they would forgive you even if you somehow manage to knock down their altar. Plus, I will be there too, I can totally run interference if you do manage to do something embarrassing.”

Marinette smiled at that. She hoped this date was a success.

[justamonkeyonautopilot]

Tag Game

Tag 10 people you’d like to get to know better! (I LOVE THESE THINGS!! :D)

Tagged by @nikkupsticks

Put your playlist on shuffle and name the first four songs

1. (You’re) Timeless To Me - Hairspray 2. Golden Skans - Klaxons 3. Spartan High School Musical - Horrible Histories  4. Assassin - Muse

[Literally sums up my music taste here....mad random mixture]

Grab the nearest book. Turn to page 23, Line 27

I have three books next to me and I really can’t choose so you can have all three.

First Book - Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman *Saint Beryl Articulatus of Cracow, reputed to have been martyred in the middle of the fifth century. 

Second Book - Paper Ghosts by Julia Heaberlin I don’t tell him it’s a rental, or that we’ll be dumping it. 

Third Book - A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness I stopped picking at the buttons around my neck.

Ever had a song or poem written about you? 

Not that I know of. 

When was the last time you played air guitar?

Many many years ago....

Celebrity crushes

Suranne Jones, Gillian Anderson, Heather Peace, Jemma Redgrave, Lucy Lawless, Jorja Fox, Lara Pulver, Lana Parrilla, Jaime Murray, Jennifer Morrison, Martin Freeman, Angie Harmon, Amanda Abbington, Danielle Cormack, Neve McIntosh, Joanne Kelly, Marg Helgenberger, Aiden Turner, Tabrett Bethell, Eve Myles, John Barrowman, Catrin Stewart, Allison Scagliotti, Bridget Regan, Alex Kingston, Anna Skellern, Idina Menzel, Kirstie Steele, Katie McGlynn, Natasha O’Keeffe, Renee O’Connor, Sasha Alexander, Daniela Denby-Ashe, Marc Warron, Alycia Eyo, Tommy Lee Knight, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Nicole da Silva, Robert Carlyle, Michelle Gomez, Laura Prepon, Jason Done, Shane O’Meara...There is loads more but lets face it I need to stop here *face palm* 

Sounds you hate/love?

I hate the sounds of crunching gears, when you don’t put the clutch in properly. New one for me since passing my test. The sound of nails on a chalk board. The sound of metal scraping on metal (thanks Granddad for that one - he ignored us when we said he was too close to the wall on a multistory car park *shudder*, sound has stayed with me over ten years). White noise. 

I love the sound of jazz music, my clarinet when I play low notes, guitar riffs. Scottish accent. The sound of my phone alarm pinging to tell me that my food has finished in the oven (I have ADHD and dyspraxia so I can’t concentrate long enough and usually forget I have food in the oven if I cook without it). The sea, and wind on a summers day. Birds singing, and a cats purr. 

Do you drive, and have you ever crashed?

Yes I drive, no thankfully I have never crashed while driving. Nearly a few times but never actually crashed thank God. I have however been in a couple of slight collisions when someone else was driving though. 

Last book you read?

The last book I’ve actually finished reading was, jeez I can’t actually remember the last one I remember is A Picture of Dorian Grey but I know I’ve read two since that. I’m actually in the middle of four books right now, Gentleman Jack - Anne Choma, A Discovery of Witches - Deborah Harkness, Paper Ghosts - Julia Heaberlin and a Rizzoli & Isles book that I can’t remember the name of. 

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes

Do you believe in aliens? 

Yes, the universe is massive. We can’t be ignorant enough to believe we’re the only intelligent life form. 

Do you like the smell of gasoline? 

Tbh, some days especially when I’ve got a migraine I hate it. But when I’m not so bad, I don’t really notice it. 

Last movie you saw?

Secret Life of Pets 2

Do you have an obsession right now? 

Yup, Gentleman Jack. My old obsession with Waterloo Road is back, I’ve been binge watching it on YouTube. Also I’m always obsessed with dancing. (Also obsessed with trying to get out of the hell hole I live in).

Do you tend to hold grudges?

Yes. Some people I’ll forgive, others I won’t. I think it depends on the situation.

I tag - 

@longlive-myevilqueen  @annelistersthermometer @allmykindsofthings @ex-ception @blue-village @handsomanne @swanqueenisendgameyo @miss-ann-walker @sassybatcreatorlight and last but not least, I tag whoever else wants to have a go at this.

[moonraccoon-exe]

Not ffxv related and not to pry, but how was the Day of the Dead festival? It seemed fun and beautiful!(｡>﹏

I just learned the word Pry thanks to you. Thank you! Also, what an incredibly nice ask, dhsfjngf, thank you so much!! I could talk about this sort of stuff all day! (ノ*°▽°*)

Actually, I….couldn’t be in the parade, not at all. You mean that one, right? From the photos I shared in a reblog, the Day of the Dead parade at the City. :3

I tried to go, but the circumstances…well. We were late. My goal was to go to the main square where the parade would gather as the destination, but my family is more the “Let’s stay in one place” philosophy (while I’m the “let’s walk 5 kilometers!” one), so that’s me against 3 of them, and we stayed in the same place.

I also happen to be…incredibly smol. And, ya know, you hoomans are pretty darn tall.

So I couldn’t see anything…   (╥ω╥)

I could have a good glimpse here and there, and there were giant balloons, and big floats, so that I could see. But the walking Catrinas and Catrines, and the dancers by foot, or the low part of the floats? Nope. 

So the family not wanting to walk all the miles and the circumstances on arriving late, yeah…I could get to see a good ten minutes of the parade, probably, but that’s it. 

… *sad sigh*

I DID get to see a float that represented one of Xochimilco’s trajineras (or gondolas of sorts!), which carried with a full dead mariachi band! The costumes and make-up were great and they were playing, but all the crowd and noises had the music a bit overwhelmed so you had to be pretty close to listen.

So yeah. To be honest, it was a very disappointing and sad day for me, because I tried to be in time and I was super eager and excited on the parade, because I love Day of the Dead and all its thematic and the traditions, but, you know, sometimes hanging with the family is much more different as if you were alone or with a buddy. So, I was late, couldn’t go where I wanted, and saw only 10 minutes of the parade, from which I could have seen maybe 3 things due to the crowd and this poor 30 cm tall raccoon at the very back trying to see, but with no luck.

To be honest that day only worked so my family got stressed (before arriving), and to walk by streets I hadn’t been to after the great earthquake, only to find severly damaged buildings that only did but remind me about the tragedy.

So as a personal experience, that was uhm well yeah. Terrible ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

But on the 1st, I did go out to the city again, this time with a friend, and it was good!

No parade, but the celebrations were still going on. Traditionally, Day of the Dead starts on the 28th of October and they finish on November 2nd, but the most celebrated days are the 1st and 2nd (when the souls of the gone ones come to visit), and we get official rest day only during the 2nd. 

But the celebrations go on all over these days, and it was great!

The city gets incredibly pretty. Day of the Dead is possibly the prettiest national day.

There’s cempasúchil flowers everywhere (the orange petals from the movie Coco or Book of Life? Those beautiful flowers, and yes, they’re bright orange in real life! Not glowy, ofc, but the colors is super stunning), and a lot of decorated skulls everywhere.

There’s always (during these days) a lot of Catrinas and Catrines walking around (the skelletons with dresses and suits?), you don’t need to perform anything, you can just wear the make up if you want. There’s people who will paint you as Catrina or Catrín for the equivalent of two dollars or a dollar and some do it free just for the spirit of Day of the Dead. :3

There were a lot of kids going around in costume, and the streets get all decorated.

There’s a lot of Ofrendas (altar offerings?) everywhere, too. Our biggest university (the UNAM, listed in the best universities of the world [and it’s literally and entirely FREE, hnfghf

Pan de Muerto, Bread of the Dead, is in every bakery! And most shops get in the spirit, as well.

There’s orange and purple everywhere, and a lot of papel picado hanging EVERYWHERE! And candles and hngfnfdngfg

In the main Square, there’s some Xolo dog sculptures (like Dante, from movie Coco?), and some Catrinas, it’s one big art exhibition. It also has an Ofrenda, more like a sculpture of sorts, in honor of the people who helped in the disaster after the earthquake of 19/9, all in skelleton form. I didn’t get a close look at all of them, but they even included the guy that made it viral on the net because he’s in wheelchair but he was in one of the zones of disasters helping. :)

It wasn’t in our route and I’d have been too scared to offer look, but I heard there were Ofrendas in some of the collapsed buildings where people died…

The lost lives of that day were also celebrated and given a moment of silence at the main square during the parade, but, as you know, I couldn’t be there, and so the brigadists and the people who helped were celebrated and given a thought. ♡

And at night, I was attending the door for our Trick or Treat! We don’t ask candies on the 31st, rather on the 1st (and some kids on the 2nd, too), and what we ask for is for a Calaverita (a “little skull”).

So yeah, while I couldn’t be in the big party, it’s always one big party, haha! I just missed the big part of the big thing, but the big thing lasts for days. 

I adore my city because it gets FULL to the very top of every form of art according to the situation, and they always blow my mind. Day of the Dead is never the exception. 

There’s so many free activities, Catrinas offering photos and always in character, so many colorful skulls, and ofrendas, and flowers, and hhhnnngfnfngnfnfgf

It always gets beautiful and fun, so this year was beautiful and fun, yes!! So many people having fun, so many, SO, SO SO SO SO MANY COLORS in EVERYTHING and ANYTHING (lights and paper and flowers and clothing and art and everything), so much art everywhere, omfg 

I’d try to explain just how pretty everything is, even if it isn’t during the parade itself, but I just can’t. You’d need to see. People are so full of spirit and passion, and that makes them do such beautiful, stunning things. (o´▽`o)

Except for the It I found walking around, he was scary :’(

A-ah, I’m sorry if this got too long, Lifea!! I just get so excited, because it DOES get very beautiful and fun! I’ve seen photos and videos from my friends who could attend the parade, and DAMN, was it STUNNING. Gotta thank the James Bond movie that gave us the idea for the parade; that wasn’t a thing until Bond said it WAS a thing so we were like “Oh, okay, let’s make it a thing, sounds like fun :”, lmao.

The clothing of the dancers were BEAUTIFUL. Every float was SO CREATIVE, there were Alebrijes too, so many of them and all so STUNNING, and so much music and dancing and THE HUGE BALLOONS and basically my people are ridiculously creative and it was amazing.

If you want I can search for more photos online or videos so you get a look into it, it gets very pretty!! (ノ*°▽°*)

Hnfghdfngf, I made it longer now, ahaha!!

I’m sorry Lifea, and thank you sososodojsdfjids much for asking! I kind of wanted to share something about it here but I was too shy, so that you asked encouraged me and here I am, answering. (o´▽`o)

Aah, thank you so much again, I hope such a long answer wasn’t a bother. Day of the Dead celebrations were incredible. It’s such a beautiful tradition. :3

Thanks again, Lifea. I hope you had fun celebrations too!   ( ´ ▽ ` )

[boricuareads]

[Image description: graphic titled “Adriana Reviews...” followed by four books with their titles, authors, and release date (discussed below), superimposed over a gradient mosaic of pinks and purples]

Hi, everyone! I’ve been busy moving and with personal family business, but in between I’ve been reading, so this post is intended as a review-dump of all the books I read during that time. That’s right, I’m not talking about just one book reviewed, I’m talking about FOUR books being reviewed. In ONE post! Hold on to your reading devices, ‘cause it’s about to go down… (Spoilers and Long Post Ahead!!!)

I’ll start with the one I read during my finals week (I know, procrastination got the best of me):

Future Leaders of Nowhere by Emily O’Beirne (March 14th, 2017)

Set in Australia, we follow along as Finn and Willa end up at a camp for “Future Leaders” thanks to their performance in their respective schools. Pitted against each other as captains of their respective teams, these teenage girls must find common ground in order to survive the wrath of an entitled straight white boy who’s drunk with power (or a semblance of power).

I really liked the plot and characters of this book! At first I was apprehensive about the thematic and was sort of confused about what the camp entailed, as well as the fact that a month-long camp where they basically mixed a roleplay “Settlers of Catan” with scavenger hunts didn’t seem like something I would be interested in. However, it was the characters which drew me in. I loved Finn and Willa, both separately and together. Finn was a silent-but-deadly kind of leader that left me doing chinhands because DAMN I love girls who don’t take any shit. The same went for Willa, since I kept repeating “I wanna be like you when I grow up” as I saw her take charge of her Amazonian group of girls. Their relationship was organic; gotta love that friends-to-lovers trope. I adored their tenderness, how genuine their respect for each other was, and how realistic these aspects were because these were teen girls! Willa and Finn were insecure, they had family and identity issues, and yet they still managed to be there for each other. Of course, they had issues, but that’s a part of teenage angst and author-made drama.

The author was also able to include so much representation that made me so giddy! On the page, Finn was bisexual (I loved her explanation in Ch. 63: “Listen, I’m perfectly happy to help you out with difficult concepts. Like that time that I explained anaerobic respiration to you, but I do not have the time or the energy to explain really basic stuff. Especially when the meaning is in the actual word. Bisexuality. Hear that? Bi.” Even though that definition is very binary, it was important to see that word written out), Willa was gay and of mixed Indian descent, and there was a whole cast of side-characters with varied identities.

With all that said, I also had issues with some parts of the book. The characterization of Willa was at times inconsistent, and there was an islamophobic act depicted (a character tried to take off a Muslim girl’s hijab) that wasn’t really dealt with beyond the anger of some characters and it ended up seemingly brushed aside by the MC. The shifting POV worked most of the time, but there were times where the POV of that character didn’t feel all that necessary.

All in all, the book reminded me of the styles of E. Lockhart and Becky Albertalli. It was a fun, breezy read if you’re a fan of teenage hijinks at a sleepaway camp. Thanks to the publisher for allowing me access to review this book through NetGalley.

Rating: 3/5 Stars

Goodreads // Amazon

After reading that last book, I read Joyride during the flight home, which made it easy for me to delve into its world…

Joyride Vol. 1 by Jackson Lanzing and Colin Kelly (September 21st, 2016)

Joyride was a fascinating read for me. I don’t usually read graphic novels (probably because I’m incredibly picky about them and devour them so fast), but Joyride was just fun to devour. The writing kept me engaged and I genuinely was interested in the development of the characters and their adventures in space. I’m a fan of science-fiction and space adventures, especially when the team is comprised of found-families in the face of adversity.

Though they kept me engaged for the duration of my flight, I felt they were forgettable characters for some reason. I loved them, but I felt like they weren’t developed enough. Perhaps in Vol. 2 there was more character development, but in this installment it was difficult to discern between characterizations and that got in the way of the storytelling. In the future, I would like to see the relationships between the female characters explored some more as well as the dynamics with the brothers. The book left me with so many questions, mostly centered around the plot and its characters: what type of government were they under at the base? Was the alien sidekick necessary to the plot besides to make snide and unhelpful comments? Was Catrin gay? Is there going to be a love triangle around Uma? If so, I would read the next installment.

In terms of the art, I felt like the colors were vibrant and it appeared neat. I’m not that knowledgeable of art and drawing, I find myself lacking in that department, but I really liked them because they kept drawing me in; it was the type of aesthetic I like in my science fiction media. I did find the depictions of the characters inconsistent at times as well, but I didn’t really mind that.

In any case, on a scale from 0 to 5, where 0 is Jupiter Ascending-ridiculous and 5 is Star Wars: The Force Awakens- glorious, Joyride falls in a solid 3 level sff (so, maybe like a Star Trek Beyond). Thanks to BOOM! Studios for allowing me to read this through NetGalley.

Rating: 3/5 Stars

Goodreads // Amazon

After reading this graphic novel, I knew I wanted to delve into a more light-hearted, highly anticipated read…

Always and Forever, Lara Jean by Jenny Han (Release date: May 2nd, 2017)

I want to start by giving thanks to our lord and savior Jenny Han for being so generous as to give us meek readers a third and final look into Lara Jean Song-Covey’s life. Her writing is always full of life and colors. I have to say that when I read, I become a very mentally-visual person, so when I tell you that a book and its words remind me of certain colors, it’s good. Always and Forever reminded me of a muted blue, the blue of melancholy, of looking back through old pictures, of taking the last step out of your high school. It is a blue that looks at the future and says it’s okay to not have your shit together as long as you have people around you supporting you and cheering you on to your next great adventure.

Always and Forever was the best goodbye to Lara Jean I could’ve hoped for. It was full of twists and drama and it was so realistic I had to check if the story wasn’t actually about me. I could relate to Lara Jean’s anxiety around college and the process of getting accepted or denied to the universities you love. When I was going through that process, my dream schools were University of Wisconsin-Madison and Penn State, and though I got accepted, I had to go through the heartbreak of declining their offers because it was too much money. I felt Lara Jean’s disappointment as if I had declined those offers right then and not four years ago.

I also felt Lara Jean’s uncertainty around the relationships you keep or give up on after high school. There are some that are forever, like your family. Her family, as always, showed up for her time and time again, and their love for her shone through in this book. I loved Kitty so much, especially with her feelings towards her second older sister leaving their house. On the other hand, Lara Jean felt conflicted over her relationship with her boyfriend, Peter. Though I graduated without a significant other (much like Lara’s mother advised them to do), I found myself a tad angry at Peter and even Lara. I don’t know why I kept finding it selfish for them to want to go to the same university and just keep doing what they’re doing because it works instead of challenging themselves. Maybe it was the cynic in me talking over the idealistic voice that permeates Young Adult Contemporary Romance, but by the end of the book I was glad to squish that so-called voice of reason; who needs that when you could be salivating over Lara Jean’s wardrobe/cooking/everything. I had one question, which I may have missed over the course of the series, but I needed to know what was Lara Jean’s major, as that may have been key to her characterization.

In the end, I was glad for Jenny Han’s basically coming full-circle with this book. This novel was the best tight, pretty bow this series needed.

Rating: 4/5 Stars

Goodreads // Amazon

Last but not least, a monster of a book that took me an entire week to get through while tending to my dad at the hospital…

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust (Release date: September 5th, 2017)

First off, I want to declare that I was dubious about this book. I first heard of it through a friend, who sent me an article that dubbed it as “a feminist retelling of Snow White”. I’m always cringing when someone calls a book a feminist-anything, but I was willing to give it a try. When i saw that NetGalley had it in advance, I requested it, not really thinking I’d get approved. To my surprise, my inbox was telling me that Flatiron Books had approved my request and I was really excited (thanks Flatiron Books!). I delved into Bashardoust’s world without much background besides the fact that it was supposed to be feminist and a retelling of Snow White (which I may or may not have forgotten when I started reading it because I was tired).

I think it was essential for me to dive into this one without reading what it was about, because it led to me wanting to process everything written at face value. Girls Made of Snow and Glass was a magical tale of putting oneself first, as the opposite would allow for men’s greed and ignorance to burrow itself into women’s lives.

In this tale, the patriarchal notions of duty to a man in a position of authority and notions of how a woman should exist in public and private spheres are challenged by the main characters: Mina and Lynet. Lynet was a normal fifteen-year old girl in a fictional royal family; she wishes to be more than what she was born into, wanted to run away from her circumstances and, above all, be herself. This sounds pretty cliché, except for the fact that it’s GAY! Yes, you read right, G A Y. I won’t go into details, but it’s a very nuanced and mellow pairing that felt like ocean waves on a stroll by the beach. On the other hand, Mina was set up to be the wicked stepmother, except the narrative framed her more as a woman who’d been forced to assimilate into a patriarchal monarchy that didn’t appreciate her prowess as a tactician and desire to help those in need. Mina’s circumstances were constricted by her father’s ambition and her own intellect, which in itself is deemed as valuable by the author but not by people surrounding her, much as is the case with many powerful and influential women.

I really liked the characterization work the author put into the story, each character was fleshed out and I wanted to know more about each of them. I did think the author maintained the races of the characters vague, which was a problem for me, since it’s being marketed as a feminist fantasy book and there’s not a lot of visible racial representation. The plot I felt was slightly predictable, but I was delighted by the way the author threaded these characters reacting to each other. I felt the reveals came too early, that the reader was just given the characters’ secrets readily, rather than it being a slow reveal. I liked the author’s writing, I think it was really nice and had a beautiful poetic flow.

Girls Made of Snow and Glass was a wonderful read about the influence women have and, in summary, to never underestimate the power that their words and actions hold. At its center, it’s a story about two women coming together from two very different points in their lives and learning from and loving one another. Bashardoust’s story was intricate and a bit of what we needed in the realm of fantasy. 

Rating: 4/5 stars

Goodreads // Amazon

[eunikefan]

GREE part 1. One year one month past so fast and then I took a choice to leave this great company. First job ever in a company and I never stop feeling grateful for every chance, every experience that I got from Gree. Recruited by @febri_dwi_cahyani, interviewed by @chen_shanmei and approved by our BM mr @simonbaggio as a Gree'er on December 2015 (thank you so much for processed me being part of Gree'ers ❤). Then believed me with 3 main jobs in Gree, Marketing Branding, Trainer, and HRD. . #1. Cool yet quite underpressure for being Marketing team. At first, I was just 'Marketing staff' with no system, no rules, no clear jobdesc. I was only a girl who always cut paper in my 1st month. The 2nd month, I got partner @septryanda_j who is an enthusiast person, a tall man with perfectionist behavior (but not really 😝). Complete the team, there were @francotan777 and @dimas_mhp, also @ameyliakristina. We made our own system, our spesific jobdesc for Gree Surabaya's marketing team. Then I focused to marketing branding and I had to deal with many vendors and dealers. Ups and downs, of course got lot of helps from Marketing HO - ci Catrin, ko @fbyprmn, @cynthhiach, @silvy.tjik, @g.ruvina, @yessysamalo13, @omanboeloe, eveline. These people are HO marketing team, looks so mean and cruel at first (yes at first 😂 sorry ✌), but they are kind people! Sincere! And do the works heartedfully 😙 #nikewanttomeetyouforsure . #tobecontinued

[ialwaysgobacktoit]

THIS IS PART 8 NOW :)

Of "Time to rest your weary head" (or 'Azriel surprises Gwyn for her birthday'!!!!)

Check out the whole story here

Since last chapter was so short, I made this one bigger - and I absolutely love writing through Gwyn's perspective. I always try to be as mindful and careful as I can when I write her POV and address her trauma, but if there's anything you feel could be done differently, please let me know! :) and thank you so much for reading. Your support means everything to me <3

HEY GIRLS @katiebellf @starbornsinger @madie2200 check out my new chapter!!! and if you wanted to be tagged on this too, feel free to comment ;)

A few days passed by, and Gwyn could say she was already feeling at home in the House of Wind. She continued attending the services at dawn, pushing herself at training, then having lunch with Nesta, Cassian and sometimes Azriel, and at last spending her habitual hours in the library doing research work for Merrill before returning to the House. It was a routine she was kind of used to by now, and it made her happy.

She hadn’t been to Velaris after dinner with the Inner Circle and was secretly growing impatient to visit it again. She was planning to go shopping with Nesta and Emerie, but didn’t summon courage enough to invite them. Something about strolling around the city streets at dusk made her a bit nervous. Although she didn’t feel like admitting it out loud.

She was proud of herself, because she truly felt she was overcoming her fears. These last months were ones of a slow, but effective healing journey. She felt herself being less intimidated around others, mostly males like Cassian and Azriel. Rhysand was more distant, but even the worry she felt at dinner that night had faded. She saw Azriel almost every day and nothing seemed to have changed between them; so she believed in Rhys’s word when he promised her not to tell him.

Something caught her eye and interrupted her line of thought. She was sitting in a comfortable armchair by the fireplace at the House’s private library after a particularly exhausting afternoon, trying to read a not-too-smutty book Emerie had lent her, and immediately raised her head from the shadow near her feet to the door, where Azriel stood by.

“How long have you been there?” She asked and quietly hoped her blushed cheeks went unnoticed by him.

Surprisingly enough, sharing a hallway with Azriel didn’t mean they saw more of each other. He was so quiet she couldn’t detect his presence in his room, and usually she woke up before sunrise, so they didn’t meet each other until breakfast. A part of Gwyn couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated by that.

“Not much.” He said, stepping into the library. She motioned him to seat on the armchair across from hers, and so he did. “Actually, I just came here to ask you something.”

Oh.

She felt something flunk in her chest; it’s been a while since they last met at the training ring late at night, and that was because lately her nightmares were keeping themselves at bay. She remembered their last encounter, his hazel eyes shining under the moonlight as he stared at her from across the room, and they sparred in silence almost until the time of her service.

He didn’t seem different around her, although she could notice him staring at her sometimes with a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. And she felt she was becoming better at hiding her feelings when near him; oddly, something had calmed inside her. That urge and nervousness weren’t the first things to come to mind anymore, and she was content to enjoy their friendship. At least that’s what she kept telling to herself. There were some nights in which her dreams were filled with cedar scent, a pair of hazel eyes looking at her intensely, his beautiful hands on her hair…

She shook her head slightly and forced herself to meet his stare, the firelight making his face look golden; an elegant, handsome angel staring straight at her.

“What is it?”

“I wanted to know if…” His throat bobbed once, and she couldn’t help noticing he seemed nervous. Him, the Shadowsinger, nervous. He rephrased it, staring intently at the fire.

“The Velaris Philharmonic Orchestra will be performing tomorrow. They were in a long undetermined hiatus during the last fifty years, and now they’re back.” His brows furrowed, eyes filled with anger at what had caused it. “I used to go there every other night. And I was wondering… Since you said you’re meaning to leave the House more often, if we, well…”

She tried to suppress her chuckle at the way he fought to find the words. Instead, there was a timid smile on her face when she hesitantly interrupted him:

“Are you asking me… To come with you?”

He finally tore his stare away from the fire to meet her; those hazel eyes filled with something resembling hope.

“Would you like to?”

And damn her if his smile didn’t make her heart and her chest heat up when she responded:

“I would. Very much.”

Suddenly the room felt smaller. She swore the lights dimmed a bit, and all she could think and see was the silhouette of his face and his eyes. Those eyes that’d seen so much, endured so much, and now looked at her, as if trying to vocalize something without saying anything at all. They stayed like that, lost in each other for what seemed like eons, before he cleared his throat.

“So… I’ll let you to your book, then.”

Those words sounded forced, as if he didn’t in fact want to leave. She gave him a smile, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. Stay.

His shadows were all around her now, gently circling her shoulders.

Just as he meant to leave the room, she found herself stating:

“I’m glad you listened to it. What I said about restraining them.” She gestured with her head towards the shadows, and reached for one with her finger. The tendril seemed happy to be touched and wrapped itself in her hand, to what she giggled. “I really like them, you know.”

When she looked up to Azriel, he had a cryptic look on his face, watching in wonder the interaction in front of him.

“They like you too.” His voice was filled with a hidden emotion, and his eyes twinkled.

She smiled at him. “You can stay here for a little while, if you want. I’m not going to bed for a couple hours yet, and I must admit I’m not completely captivated by this novel.”

Even though he had that cool, unreadable mask on almost all the time, she could still see him restraining his surprise. And the way his lips tugged upward told her she was right to assume he didn’t want to leave just yet.

“What’s it about?” He asked while sitting again.

“Well” She skimmed distractedly through the pages, calming her racing heart. “She is a healer from a land up in the North, and he is a tradesman from the South. There’s a curse that connected them since birth, but they don’t know it yet. And that’s what leads them towards one another, the urge to break this curse.” She traced the title, reading the name of the author. “It’s good, just not as good as Diane.”

She casted him an amused look as he laughed quietly at her criticism, shaking his head:

“Because no one will ever compare to her.”

“Never.” She agreed dramatically, and his laugh turned into a grin. “Emerie and Nesta think I’m exaggerating, but I mean it. I must have read her books like ten times by now.”

His eyebrows shot up, clearly interested. “She must be great then.”

“Wait a second. Five hundred years and you’ve never read her?” Gwyn couldn’t hide her astonishment as she gasped.

“Why is that such a surprise?” He leaned back in his chair, that small smile never fading from his face.

“Well, is just… You had plenty of time.” She teased.

“My life is busier than you might think, Berdara.”

“Well, be that as it may, this can no longer go on. You must read it.”

Before he could answer, she called the House to deliver her the stack of Gadot’s novels that were in her bedroom. Her private collection.

“Start by this one” She handed him a copy of And So the Story Goes, that had magically appeared in the table between them “This is my favorite.”

He reached for the book, and she watched as he flipped through the pages. She would admit that sight made her heart flutter once again. The book she had ever since she was little, that she read alongside Catrin, one of the only things she asked Mor to grab her after everything. Its edges were worn, some pages marked and underlined. To have Azriel hold it in his hands…

“You can read it at your own pace. And don’t worry, I have a spare” She showed him the copy Diane had signed her, a newer edition, that beautiful inscription that she knew it by heart in its front page.

I hope you find out what you knew all along.

“I can see you read it a lot.” He stated, musing through the pages and stopping at some passages.

She leaned forward to slap his arm. “What are you doing? Start at the beginning!”

He laughed out loud at her exclamation, his eyes meeting hers.

“Ok, bossy. I definitely will.”

After a few hours of talking and laughing together, she felt the tiredness taking the best of her.

“Goodnight, Az.” She said when she stopped by the door. Even during their conversation, he still held the book, keeping it close to his chest.

“See you tomorrow, Gwyn” She had just turned away when she heard him. “And thank you.”

She looked at him over her shoulder and saw him lifting the book. “Anytime.”

And when she finally shut the door of her bedroom, she couldn’t stop the light feeling on her chest.

***

On the next day, she knocked on Nesta’s door. It was the afternoon, and both Cassian and Azriel were out paying one of their routine visits to the Illyrian camps.

That morning, at service, Gwyn felt like she was flying. She sang like those ancient hymns were all that was left in the world. Even some other Priestesses had commented on that after it was over. And at practice, she couldn’t help her grin when she spotted Azriel across the training ring. And couldn’t help the blush that crept onto her cheeks when he almost immediately turned his head to her, the corner of his lips tugging upward.

She woke up thinking about their meeting at the library, their casual conversation and bantering. She didn’t feel an ounce of discomfort when they were together; everything was so easy. He knew her, her story; he had saved her, for Mother’s sake, and he didn’t make her feel like porcelain, like one blow could shatter her.

Instead, she felt braver and confident when he was around. They could still talk and laugh together as if they hadn’t shared that terrible experience in the past. Mindful of each other’s traumas, indeed, but... It still was light. Trustful. She hoped he’d read the book; she could secretly picture his eyes flipping through her markings and notes. She wanted him to know that part of her.

“Come in” Nesta said from within, interrupting Gwyn’s reverie.

She opened the door, only to find her sister sitting comfortably in an armchair by the window, book in hand and a cup of tea in another. Her training leathers were displayed on the bed, as she thought of training afterwards.

“Hey” Gwyn greeted. She didn’t know where to start.

Aside from Rhys, no one was aware of her recent discovery about the mating bond. Of course, that didn’t stop her sisters from smirking mischievously whenever Azriel was around, at training or during meals. Gwyn knew both Nesta and Emerie had picked upon whatever she was feeling towards him, but they were kind enough not to inquire in public.

“What’s going on?” Her brows furrowed as she got up of her chair.

“Nothing.” Gwyn took in a deep breath. Out with it, Berdara. “I was wondering if you could borrow me a dress.”

Nesta squinted her eyes, and raised an eyebrow as a slow smile started to appear on her face. Cunning, as ever. “May I ask what for?”

Gwyn herself didn’t know. When she found herself alone with Azriel for a moment during training, she had asked him what outfit would be suit for the occasion. He just shrugged with a half-smile, and reassured her she didn’t have to worry about it. But even so, she wanted to look decent for a night out.

“I’m going to Velaris tonight.”

Nesta gasped quietly, and Gwyn could see her eyes were shining with pride. “Alone?”

“No.” Gwyn went to sit at the trunk by the bed. Seeing that Nesta was still staring at her with that knowing smile, she added “Azriel’s taking me to see the Velaris Philarmonic Orchestra.”

She watched as her sister gave her a broad smile, and couldn’t help the blush on her cheeks. “What?”

“Nothing” Nesta hummed back, as she opened the doors to her wardrobe. “Just the two of you?”

Gwyn nodded, standing up and joining her sister in front of her rack full of clothes. So, so many outfits, a myriad compared to Gwyn’s scattered ones. “I don’t know what one’s supposed to wear to the theater. Even less so to watch a live orchestra.”

Nesta huffed a laugh, but her eyes were fixed on the garments in front of them as she scrolled through her various dresses. “Well, I do.”

They spent the next few seconds in silence, as her sister skillfully searched through fabrics. Strangely enough, Gwyn didn’t feel as nervous to have told her as she thought she would. But she was certain Nesta was only waiting for the right moment to fill her with questions.

“Oh, wait. I know.” She passed Gwyn and went to the trunk by that king-sized bed she shared with Cassian. The thought of her sister and her mate didn’t make Gwyn blush the way she once used to, but now the predominant feeling was that she could have that, perhaps. One day. That thought alone made her stomach flutter.

“Here” Nesta drew a burgundy midi dress out of the trunk. “Try this on.”

The V-necked laced bodice wasn’t too tight around the waist, and it had a light and also lacey skirt that draped around her knees, showcasing her legs. It was modest, and yet delicate and elegant.

When Gwyn looked at herself in the mirror, Nesta standing behind her as she zipped her up, she was breathless. It’s been a long, long time since she wore a dress, and this one fitted her perfectly. Alongside with the necklace, her freckled skin and hair, it made her feel… Beautiful. Stunning, even.

“You look splendid” Nesta stared at her through the mirror.

“Thank you.” She turned to her friend, who grabbed her arms and hugged her. She could see she was having fun.

“Do you have shoes to match this?”

Gwyn tilted her head.

“I could use my flats.”

Her sister shook her head, and reached for a matching pair of ankle-strapped scarpin heels under her bed. “Now there you go.”

Suddenly Gwyn felt an urge to cry. She was so happy to count with her sisters at moments like these. It made her excited for the ones to come.

“Hey” Nesta seemed to notice her tearful eyes, and urged her to sit next to her by the bed “Are you ok?”

She nodded and sighed. “I’m just… Happy. I’m nervous, but it feels good to know you girls have my back.”

“You know, Gwyn” Nesta grabbed her hand, her tone gentle. “I was going to say that you didn’t have to do this if you didn’t feel like it, that Azriel would understand…”

The thought of her declining his invitation made her heart ache. She didn’t once consider it; she was just glad to be spending time with him. That hewanted to spend time with her. Just as she opened her mouth to state that, her sister went on:

“But I can see that you want to do this. And I just wanted to let you know that I’m happy for you. And I can’t wait to know all about it when you get back.”

Gwyn squeezed her hand and gave her a cheeky grin:

“I’m excited, Nes.” Her words were barely a whisper as she confided.

“As you should. Now go” She nudged towards the door, smiling. “Go have some fun.”