#thank you for all of the support and love that you have shown i love you all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blackenedsnow · 23 hours

Note

I love ur writing so much could I maybe request p1 slowly learning to love and be loved 💔

p1 dude learning to love and be loved ; headcanons

WARNING: Emotional detachment, slow emotional healing, and mental health struggles.

PAIRING: Postal (1) Dude x Reader

NOTE: Thank you so much for your kind words! This is sooo sweet and I had so much fun writing this.

At the beginning, Dude is incredibly distant.

He’s been hardened by everything going on in his head, unable to trust anyone, and it takes time before he even acknowledges your presence as something more than just another person in his life.

He avoids eye contact, rarely speaks, and his body language is closed off.

He flinches at touch, even a casual hand on his shoulder can cause him to stiffen.

He’s not used to physical affection and struggles with it, associating touch with pain or vulnerability.

You notice this and take things slow, giving him space while offering gentle reassurances that you’re there for him.

The first step to breaking through his walls happens in small ways.

You notice that he tends to neglect himself—skipping meals, isolating for days, or losing himself in his own thoughts.

You leave food for him, make sure he has a clean place to rest, or leave a blanket for him when it gets cold.

Even though he has that coat on all the time.

He doesn’t thank you at first, but you notice him slowly accepting these gestures, even if he doesn’t show it outwardly.

There are rare moments when you catch a glimpse of his vulnerability.

Maybe it’s late at night when the weight of the paranoia becomes too much, and you find him staring out into the darkness, lost in thought.

You sit next to him, offering silent company.

He doesn’t say anything, but the fact that he doesn’t push you away is progress.

Trust comes slowly for him.

The first time he starts opening up to you, it’s not in the form of deep conversation but in subtle actions—he lets you sit closer to him, or he allows himself to relax slightly in your presence.

It’s a process of him realizing that not everyone wants to hurt him, and you’re someone who’s there to help, not judge.

Dude doesn’t know how to love anymore, not in the traditional sense.

But with time, he starts showing his affection in his own way—he might fix something for you, stand by your side, or give you something meaningful to him, even if it’s small.

He’s not one for grand romantic gestures, but his love is shown in quieter ways.

If you’re having a tough day, he’ll sit beside you in silence, offering his presence rather than words.

His touch remains tentative, but over time, you notice him reaching out—a hand on yours, or resting his head on your shoulder when he feels safe enough to do so.

His biggest fear is losing the one person who has stayed by his side.

The thought terrifies him because he knows how fleeting happiness can be.

When you notice him getting more protective, it’s not out of possessiveness but fear.

He doesn’t know how to express it, but the idea of losing you is unbearable to him.

It takes time for Dude to fully accept that he deserves love.

Even after he begins to care for you, there’s still a lingering doubt in his mind—why would anyone want to be with someone like him?

But as you continue to show him patience, understanding, and unconditional support, he starts to believe that maybe, just maybe, he’s worthy of love after all.

There’s a moment when the emotional walls he’s built start to crack.

Maybe it’s after a particularly difficult day, or when his fear catches up to him, but he finally lets his guard down in front of you.

He doesn’t say much, but he leans into your embrace, allowing himself to be vulnerable, if only for a moment.

It’s then that he realizes just how much he needs you.

Slowly but surely, Dude learns that love isn’t about perfection or being strong all the time.

It’s about support, about being there for one another, and allowing someone to care for you, even when you don’t feel like you deserve it.

You’re the person who teaches him that love can be a healing force, and while it’s not a magic fix, it’s a step towards a brighter future.

Dude may never be the most emotionally expressive person, but he’s learned how to love and be loved.

He starts to accept that it’s okay to rely on someone else, and while he may never fully leave behind his paranoia, with you by his side, he begins to find peace in the idea that love doesn’t have to hurt.

#postal dude #postal #postal 1997 #postal 1 #postal dude x reader #postal 1 dude #headcanons #x reader #ask #request #fanfic #postal x reader

26 notes · View notes

malarkgirlypop · 2 days

Text

MEDIC! Part 41 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

It's been a year since I started this story. I posted last year on my birthday and I do the same again today. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me while I write this, all your love and support is greatly appreciated, I love you all so much. So here's a birthday present from me. Thank you all again!

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut, @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92, @lucyfromtheoldhouse, @blueberry-ovaries, @next-autopsy, @saintmalosunsets, @anaso12 anyone else please let me know.

I rubbed my eyes, blinking hard and then staring at the shimmer that mocked me. After everything that had happened, now it was back.

It glimmered in the sunlight. The oil slick transparent film didn’t move as I approached it. It was just as I had remembered. I stopped a metre away, too scared I would be sucked in if I walked any closer. The whole time my heart never stilled, it thumped in my ears as I glared at the film.

“Really you’re back after all this time?” I chastised the insentient object.

“Fuck you!” I screamed, I was far enough away from the base that no one would hear me. I picked up handfuls of stones and hurled them at the shimmer.

“Why did you do this to me? I didn’t ask for this!” My voice cracked as I yelled.

“I never asked for any of this! You brought me here, why are you back?” Tears slipped down my cheeks.

I didn’t know what I expected, that someone would magically pop out from inside the portal and explain to me why on earth it was me that was taken. That they would say it’s fine if you want to stay, this is just an offer, or, if you do not come back through the shimmer life as you know it would cease to exist.

But no, no one was here to answer my question. It was only the shimmer that sat perfectly still as I screamed at it, as I launched stones and debris its way. It didn’t cry out and ask me to stop, only mocked me with its silence.

“I hate you!” I screamed before I turned on my heel and sprinted away from the provoking portal.

—------------------------------

I sat on the floor packing and unpacking my bag for hours. Each time I packed the bag an overwhelming panic took hold of my chest and only eased when I took everything out of my medic bag.

“What are you doing?” I heard from behind me. I swivelled around in panic.

Don stood in the entrance, his brows knitted together in concern.

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Long enough to know you’re leaving. Why?” He started forward to where I sat criss-cross on the floor.

“Where are you going?” Don demanded when I didn’t answer.

“It’s back.” I uttered, not knowing what else to say.

“What’s back?” He stood looking down at me.

“The shimmer.” My voice was so quiet as I told him the truth. I watched his face fall and then his eyes flicked over my belongings that were scattered in front of me.

“You’re leaving.” It was a realisation that fell from his lips. “You can’t!”

“Don please don’t make this harder than it already is.” I begged, feeling tears spring to my eyes. It was hard enough to make this decision myself but for Don to beg me to stay was going to make it impossible.

“Why are you leaving?” Don genuinely asked.

“Because I have to!”

“Said who? The shimmer police?” His tone was serious.

“No. But why would it show up again if I was supposed to stay?” I was out of answers for him, I was just as confused as him about this. My heart was torn, I wanted to stay but I didn’t know the cost of that decision.

“What if I don’t leave and then everyone dies ‘cause I fucked it all up?” I let him into the thoughts that had been racing through my mind even before the shimmer had shown up again.

“If I stay and the world falls apart because of me and people die. I could never forgive myself.” I didn’t need to be the cause of anymore death, and if that meant giving up the one thing that made me happy then it was a sacrifice I would have to make.

“You know what I would do?” He asked joining me on the floor and taking my hands in his. “I would say fuck everyone else and choose you.”

“That’s easy for you to say you're not the one with this decision. I can’t say fuck everyone, that’s not me!” Don nodded he knew it wasn’t in my nature to put myself first.

“Why are you making this decision based on other people?” Don’s thumb rubbed absentmindedly over the back of my hand.

“Are you running because of what happened?” His eyes flicked up to meet mine.

I shook my head, my mouth twisting at the thought of what had happened only last night. The scars were still fresh, literally.

“No, I am doing what’s right, and that means I can’t stay, even though I want to!” I was already at my wits end without the appearance of the shimmer. Tears fell down my cheeks.

“Be selfish, for once in your life Em! Choose you!” Don pleaded, his hands tightly wrapped around mine as if I would disappear in a blink of an eye.

“I can’t!” I yelled, rising to my feet and pacing back and forward across the small room.

But Don continued, standing up as well to grab me as I passed by him. His hands firmly gripped on my shoulders. Don shook me as he spoke, as if trying to shake his words into me.

“Because other people would choose themselves, in your position they would choose to stay, not because of the greater good, but because they wanted to.” He was right, a lot of people would choose the outcome that would better accommodate them. But when have I ever put myself first?

“You deserve to be happy.” I wanted to be happy, after everything I had been through in life all I wished for was to be happy.

“I can’t be the cause of other people’s deaths.” I couldn’t have that weight on my shoulders, I couldn’t live my life knowing other people suffered for me. It just didn’t seem fair.

“Fuck everyone else Em. If you staying meant the world was going to end tomorrow, you know what I would choose, you I would choose you, because I love you.”

“That’s not fair Don!”

“I would die for you. I would choose my demise to spend one more day with you.” I choked back my sobs.

“So I would die for you, but you wouldn't die for me?” Don questioned. I understood why he was wandering. From his point of view I seemed to care about everyone else more than him.

“No, I am. If I go, I’m dying. I don’t think I could ever be happy again. But if that meant that you got to have a long and prosperous life, then I would die a million times over for you. And going home and living my life will be that.”

“Then live for me!” Don bargained. “What are you going back to there anyway, you have a family here!”

“Doesn’t mean I belong.”

“Emily, ever since you have arrived all you have done is belong. You fit right in, you were meant to be here. The shimmer brought you here for a reason, fate itself!” Don was right I may have been brought back to this time for a reason, but then it could've been random all the same.

“But what if it was only for a moment, only for a short while. What if I stay and everything falls apart because of me?” The lingering doom haunted me.

“There are so many what ifs, but what ifs don't answer your question. Where would you rather be?” Don gazed down at me with his intense brown eyes.

“Don’t make me answer Don, this is already so hard.” I hiccuped, I shook my head as I pushed away from him, turning my back on the man I loved.

“Which would you pick if there were no consequences?” His voice strained as emotions flooded through his soft tone.

“Here.” I whispered, still not facing him.

“So stay, there are no consequences, you can’t think of the what ifs that will only haunt you. If you go back and regret your decision, don’t you think that will tear you apart?” Don rounded me so he stood in front of me again, his hand finding the underside of my chin and tilting it up to look into his eyes. They shimmered with unshed tears.

“Yeah but what if I stay and the world ends and everyone I love dies! That would be even worse.” I emphasised my point over and over again, but still he fought against me.

“It wouldn’t matter if we were together!”

It would be an agree to disagree.

“I hate to break it to you Em, but everyone you love will die eventually. You can either be here for it or not.”

“The difference is I don’t want to be the cause.” I stood my ground. I would not be the reason for the world turning to fire and ash.

“I can’t face that. It will fucking kill me.” I would become a shell of myself if that was to happen. There would be no one for him to love anyway.

“So I can’t talk you out of it? After all this time you are going to choose everyone else over me?” Don’s hurt radiated down his body, his hand fell away from my face as he took a step back.

“Please Don don’t say it like that.” I begged stepping forward into his space but he kept his distance.

“It’s fine you have made your decision, I clearly can’t stop you. Even though I hate you right now, just know that I love you and I hope that haunts you till the day you die!” Don’s bitter tone was harsh as he stomped out of the room.

“Don!” I called after him as I chased him down. “I can’t leave with you hating me. If you love me you will let me go. You will respect my choice.”

He only looked down at me, anger and pain etched into his features.

“I will let you process this, while I say my goodbyes.” I kissed him gently on the cheek before turning to head back inside to pack my bag for the final time.

—---------------------------------------

I took a shaky breath before entering the mess hall. The men noticed my arrival waving me over to the table. I kept my own emotions at bay as they all smiled at me. This would be the last time I saw their faces.

“Hey boys!” I cooed to the men. They all stood from their seats as I rounded the table.

“Em, are you alright?” Lieb asked me as I sat beside him. I resisted the urge to reach up and brush my fingers through his hair.

“I’m ok.” I uttered softly.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. I leant into him, my hands coming around his bicep as I lent my head against his shoulder.

“Em?” Lieb asked, craning his head to look down at me. “Why do you look like you have bad news?”

“Because I do.” A sombre tone fell over the table. I straightened myself from my position and stood.

“They have ordered me back home. Due to the events of last night, they don’t feel I am fit to continue my service.” I broke my lie to the men. Their faces fell as a groan of protest rippled through the group of my fellow Easy men.

“It’s ok Em, we’ll see you when we get back home.” Babe chirped as he grinned at me.

I could feel my heart ripping in my chest. He wouldn’t see me again. None of them would.

“Yeah!” My voice cracked as sadness seeped into my tone. I quickly righted the mistake. “We will all have a big party when you guys get home.” Lieb reached up, taking my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

“But I’m going to miss all of you-” I had to pause to take a shaky breath before continuing. I laughed as the men looked up at me with concern on their faces.

“I’m ok, just sad that I won’t be able to see you guys for a while.” My other hand was taken by Bull. The man who had saved me right at the beginning of this mess.

“I want to come and give each one of you a hug goodbye. And then I’ll be off!” Complaints and offeres to were raised by the Easy men.

“Don said he wanted to have me all to himself before I left, so you all have to do as he wishes!” Malarkey hadn’t agreed to anything yet, but I couldn’t have the men sending me off through the portal.

The men thankfully agreed to my terms.

I went around the table taking each man into my arms. Tightly squeezing them one last time.

Lipton pulled me into his embrace as he whispered into my ear. “Be safe, Em.” I pulled back and his hands cupped my cheeks, brushing away the tears that slipped down them.

Perco grinned widely at me as I stood blubbering in front of him. “Hey, don’t cry! I’ll make you eggs anytime, and we won’t even have to get it from the source.” His arms wrapped around me rocking me side to side in a boisterous manner.

Martin hugged me like the dad I never had, pressing a soft kiss to my hair.

Luz opened his arms, tears glimmering in his own eyes. “Don’t cry George or you’ll make me cry more!”

“Who’s gonna laugh at my jokes?” His voice broke as he tried to be funny. I didn’t answer his question, only holding him closer.

Webster and Tab both gave me kisses to the cheeks, wishing me safely on my journey.

“Thank you for fixing me up Gene.” A bittersweet smile formed on his lips as he pulled me close.

“Thank you for being the best medic Em. I didn’t tell you enough but I think you make a wonderful nurse.” I buried my face into his shoulder as his hand stroked down my back.

Babe and I didn’t utter a word to each other, he only crushed me to his chest. We both quietly cried into each other's shoulders.

I pulled back, using my palm to wipe his face clean. “You’ll see me again Em.” He promised as I nodded tearfully.

Bull enveloped me into his arms like I was a small child who had curled into his lap. He pressed kisses to the top of my head. I listened to his thick twang as he spoke, “I’ll miss you little lady. Don’t be a stranger.”

Finally it was Lieb left. Only once in my life had I seen the man cry, but here he was looking up at me with tears in his eyes.

“Can’t believe you’re going.” He said as he rocked us back and forward. “What am I gonna do without you?”

“You’ll be fine Lieb.” I pulled back so I could memorise his face. He shook his head and took me into his embrace once again.

I waved goodbye to them all as I left the mess facility. I still had to find the rest of the officers.

I found Nix and Winters first. “Em are you doing alright?” Dick took in my appearance, my blotchy cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

“I came to take up your offer. I would like to leave.” The men looked shocked, glancing from me to each other.

“When would you like to leave?” Nix asked.

“As soon as possible.”

The men again looked even more flabbergasted.

“We have one at 1300hrs, a jeep can take you to the port and then you ship back home.” Dick reported, checking his watch. It was 1130am, I had a couple hours before my departure.

“Is that soon enough for you?” Dick’s eyes flicked up from his wrist.

I nodded. “Thank you both for all that you have done for me. Richard, thank you for taking me in, and trusting me. Lew, thank you for caring for me and keeping me safe.”

“You guys don’t know how much you mean to me. I never really had a male figure in my life. The love and support you have shown me in this small amount of time we have known each other, will fill up the rest of my lifetime and even after my death.” The men looked even more confused than before.

“Emily you’re only going home, we will see you again I’m sure.” Dick surged forward to bring me into his arms. His hand smoothed down my curls soothingly.

“I hope so.” I whispered into his jacket, latching my hands around his waist.

Pulling back I found Nix now at our side, I went from one man to the other. I flung my arms around Lew's neck as he nuzzled into me.

“Gonna miss ya kid.” Nix said softly into my hair. I could hear the thickness of emotion in his voice, as if he somehow knew that this was inevitably the end.

I finally stepped back from the embrace, sniffing and wiping away my tears that seemed endless.

“I don’t mean to be forward, but I love you both, so very dearly.” Both the men chuckled.

“We love you too Em.” Dick’s charming smile appeared on his lips.

“I’ve already said goodbye to all of the men, but there is just one more person I need to see.”

Dick nodded pointing back over his shoulder, “Should be somewhere in the office.”

I gave a thank you before scurrying off to find the said man.

My fist knocked on the wooden frame of the door that stood open. Speirs sat at his desk with his head down filing through papers.

“Come in.” Ron called without glancing to see who it was.

“Sir.” I started, but the sound of my voice caused the man to look up.

“Em!” He smiled at me. “What’s the occasion?”

Ron set aside the task he was working on to give me his full attention.

“I came to say goodbye. I’m leaving in a few hours, I’m gonna go home. I think it’s my time.”

Speirs sighed but smiled still. “I can’t say I’m surprised. You need the rest, after-” He paused, having to look away as he continued to speak. “After everything you’ve been through.”

“We’ll miss you. But I’m glad you won’t be coming to the Pacific, it’s not something you should be exposed to.”

I hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I think I just need to go home and relax. And don’t worry about giving me your treasures, I’ve got it all sorted out.” His brow pinched.

“It’s a gift.” Ron assured me.

“And I thank you for the kindness, but it isn’t necessary anymore.” I held my ground, there would be no one for him to send it to. I would rather he keep it.

“Oh, so you’re going, going.” Ron corrected.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, confused by his comment.

“You think I didn’t notice?” Speirs peered up at me, confusion lined my face.

“What?” My heart drummed in my ears.

“I’m a smart man, Emily. I have done my research on you. I have done my research on everyone. But you stood out. No records, nothing. I have been watching you, I notice things.” The more he spoke the more confused I became.

“You aren’t from here. I don’t know why or how, but I know you weren’t born during this time. And you’ve made the decision to go home.” Speirs stood from his chair and rounded the desk to stand in front of me.

“You’ve come to say goodbye for good. Haven’t you?” He bent down slightly so that he was looking me in the eyes.

I was speechless, all I could do was nod.

“How? How did you even come to that conclusion?”

“It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. But for some reason I assumed you would stay.” Speirs’ arms drew me in.

“What does Don think?” He asked as I laid my head on his chest.

“He hates me for it.” I admitted sourly.

“I’m sure he’ll come round.” Speirs reassured me as he cradled my face to his heart.

“I wanted you to walk me down the aisle.” My thoughts surged from my mouth before I could hold them back. I had thought about it when I was planning to stay. If I was to be wed to Don, Ron was the one I wanted to give me away.

“Good. No one else would be allowed but me.” Speirs chuckled.

My laughs turned into sobs as I clutched him closer. “Am I making a huge mistake?”

“You are doing what you think is best Em, and I trust you.” He pulled me back to look down at me. “Follow your heart.”

“Thank you for everything-”

“You don’t need to give me a big speech Em. I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you. Let’s just have this moment.”

I think I spent two hours with Ron. Most of it I spent sobbing, but to have those last few hours together before I left filled me with so much joy it hurt.

I tried to find Don, but he was nowhere to be seen and it was getting closer to when I would have to be out of sight.

Sobbing, I walked back to where I had found the shimmer. I walked faster before my selfishness got the best of me and I turned and walked the other way.

“Stop!” Don called from behind me.

“Don!” I pleaded, if he was here to stop me he was wasting his breath.

“I thought about it. And you’re right. If you love something, let it go. I hope you do the same Em. I want you to live a happy life, and even though I hate the idea, find someone who will make you happy. I will think about you everyday, you will forever be in my heart."

"I wanted to do a lot of things with you Em. I wanted to marry you and take you home to meet my family who would love you so much, by the way. I wanted you to be the mother of my kids, and the grandmother to their kids and hell even a great grandmother! I wanted to get old with you and live a quiet life, just me and you, sitting on the porch drinking ice tea."

"And we would argue and bicker, but only because we loved each other so much. You will forever be the love of my life, even if I can’t have you. You will be in my dreams every night, until the day I die. And when I die, I hope to find you again in every lifetime, if only just to know you. And even when you’re gone I will look for you in every woman I pass on the street and in the stores."

"You will have my heart now and forever. I love you so much, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His speech was broken by his cries, but it was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.

“I love you Don. I wish I could choose to stay. I wish all those things could come true. You have captured my heart and I fear I will never love the same again. I will never love someone as deeply and as fiercely as I love you. I will never forget your laugh, the way you smile at me, the way you kiss me."

"You have seared yourself into my soul and I will carry you with me through every lifetime. I believe you are my one true love, and I will never find someone who makes me as happy as you do. Don’t think of this as goodbye, but see you again. I will find you, even if it’s only in my dreams. Thank you for coming.” I sobbed as he kissed my cheeks, then my lips.

The most tender goodbye kiss. One that left me breathless for more but broken hearted at the same time. We stayed wrapped in each other's arms, head pressed together as our breaths mingled.

I kissed him for the last time. “I love you.” I whispered softly.

I turned and walked towards the shimmer. I stood in front of the portal as it shone in the sunlight. I didn’t look back, I couldn’t, it would stop me.

Taking one last breath I stepped forward into the shimmer, before everything went black.