#thanks to those who gave me advice i appreciate it! <33

[myjustice]

please like this post for a starter. i can't for the life of me find my original starter call post.

even if we already have a thread & you'd like a new one started, please feel free!

[hikarry]

Since I didn't communicate clearly earlier:

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 39

Oh, God lord, Sam

Okay, yes, yes, sure

Just, be prepared for a long post I guess then. Ill skip the ones I already answered

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

The Imitation Game, The Muppet Christmas Carol and Corpse Bride

4. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

Ah...a evil version of "You've got a friend in me" from Toy Story with one of my friends

5. what made you start your blog?

Honestly? No idea. Technically I've been here since 2014 and I kinda just joined to see pretty pics in the beginning. And now here we are, neck deep in the Good Omens fandom

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

The best is honestly the interaction. You guys really have no idea how nice the Good Omens fandom is. I used to be a "creator" for the Yuri on Ice fandom and it didn't used to be half of this. It's very exciting.

The worst? Maybe the pressure to post new stuff? Which is not exactly no one's fault but mine, but alas

7. what scares you the most and why?

Ah. Dying in pain? I don't like pain and I don't appreciate dying so, yeah. Kinda logic

8. any reacquiring dreams?

I don't think so?

9. tell a story about your childhood

We went to the beach this one time and I, for some reasons, made friends with this one guy I never saw again in my life. Somehow he caught a big ass fish (or big in toddler scale) and gave it to me and my first reaction was toss it back into the ocean. It was a magnificent throw, lemme tell ya. For a 3 year old, anyway

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

It depends on how mentally stable I am and who I am with. But yes, overall, I would say so

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Small things, like sleeping cuddling, cooking together, drinking coffee together at the window in a sunday morning, kissing in the rain. My idea of romance is very...fairytale-y. And not realistic. That's why I am very very good by myself

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

Don't look for yourself in other people. You're good enough to make yourself happy. You don't need anyone else so don't think you do. Other people are a bonus, not a requirement

13. what are you doing right now?

Answering this long ass thing thanks to you, Sam

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Piercings. I've conquered my fear of tattoos and piercing are next, write what I'm telling you

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

My grandma's house

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Physically? My weight. Because I've been fighting it ever since I was like 4 and so I could go under surgery and change my chest.

In general? Just...I would like to be more simple. I feel like other people in the world are way simpler than I am. Think and feel in a simpler way. Or I'm too complicated, depends on how you want to see it. I would like to feel simple

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

No, to both. If I allowed myself to believe in any of those I would become way too paranoid and that's a no no

19. favourite thing about the day?

Getting home after a long day

20. favourite things about the night?

Actually getting to sleep properly, which is being an impossibility at the moment

21. are you a spiritual person?

No. I don't believe in any god or religion or entity. I max believe that the universe has my back and everything will work out somehow. But that's it

22. say 3 things about someone you love

My grandma is an amazing cook. I love her snuggles. I miss her every day

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

My uncle was assaulted last week, aparently. Not to be mean, but he could have died. I wish he had died

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Not having killed myself when I really really wanted to. Living is super nice and I enjoy it quite a lot

25. fave season and why?

Autumn. Because it's when I was born and it's spooky season! And hella cozy! I love cozy!

26. fave colour and why?

Blue. Because it feels calming and reminds me of the ocean and/or water in general

27. any nicknames?

My friends used to call me "Mouse" when I was in school. It was an inside joke

28. do you collect anything?

I collect books and military jackets

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Honestly? Without being sappy, you guys. Every time I'm having a shit day and I come here to complain y'all manage to cheer me up. It's very sweet and I thank you very much

31. are you messy or organised?

I am proudly organized in my messiness

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

On pc? 4

On the phone? 48. 47 of those are fanfics

33. any hobbies?

Mainly reading and writing. I don't have time for much else

34. any pet peeves?

When people are slow. Not only walking, but in general: thinking, moving. It annoys the shit out of me

35. do you trust easily?

Oh no. Not at all. I think the only people I currently trust are my grandma and my therapist. And one of them I pay them to trust them so-

36. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

Way way too many walls up. I've been broken more times than I care to count and that does something to someone, lemme tell ya

37. share a secret

I stole a Hello Kitty necklace from a girl I hated when I was like 7. I still have it, as a trophy. I really hated that girl

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Pinely! He's so fucking funny and I love his accent. Besides, his videos are amazing. Go watch it!

Ooof, okay. That's it, right? I tried to give short answers so it wouldn't get too annoying, but there we are. Hope you're happy, Sam!

[bonesandthebees]

Bee bee bee bee :D a little Icy update for you... I'm going to NYC in a few weeks to meetup with some online friends!!! It feels like ages since I sent that ask-- Oh wait . That was on anon SCREAMING aha anyways . I was that really anxious anon asking about advice for meeting up with online friends lmao 😭😭😭 back then the plan was very different and for a small town and possibly Staying with them and the whole plan was just... not as safe of an idea as it is now so I was really anxious at the time BUT I found out that NYC is actually not?? That expensive to go to during the offseason?? And it's close to where my dad lives so I can go visit him after so it works out perfectly:D

But yeah, I do still really appreciate you replying all those months ago<3 really helped me out in the moment eueueeu

ANYWAYS . YASS Its really funny bc?? Another one of my online friends (one who I've known for Five Years now holyshit) is randomly?? Going to be there??? At the same time?? So I'm in total gonna meetup w 3 ppl, one who's my partner and I'm just AAAA I'm so excited. I'm also very nervous bc it's my first time traveling alone but i think it will be very very fun:D

We're gonna go see Hadestown on broadway I'm HYPED also getting matching tatts w my partner<3 I've never gotten a tattoo before but I've been wanting to for ages and I finally got the courage to suggest the tattoos during the trip (which we have been wanting to do for years). I've like grilled every single one of my coworkers and friends who have tattoos about the process lmao and I'm finally. Finally feeling more excited about it than nervous lmao

BUT YESSS :D just wanted to update u bc idk I did really appreciate the advice u gave all those months back<3 also wow I feel like I haven't properly sent a message here in ages... I've been so busy lately plus I randomly got super anxious about being annoying so I gave some space for a bit 😭 bUT IM BACK >:D you'll never get rid of me hehehe

Anywyas. Wowie. That got long lmao pulling a snowflake SENDING HUGS AND COOKIES AND (icy addition) TEA!! I love tea sm... I'm gonna make some rn

oh that was YOU??? I remember that ask! I'm so glad you were able to plan things out better to make yourself feel safer. and yeah NYC definitely isn't as expensive as people think it is if it's the offseason, especially bc I feel like the expected 'image' of new york as this sparkling glittering city has kind of chilled out over the years (probably because thanks to the wonders of social media we can all witness the natural wonders of new york—the rats)

that sounds so awesome though!! such a wild coincidence that you're gonna get to meet up with your other friend just by chance. and I'm so happy you're getting to hang out with your partner as well!! you're gonna have such a great time. and traveling alone is very fun in my opinion so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I actually way prefer traveling alone, it's so nice to just be able to chill out in airports by myself so I think you'll have a good time :)

and tattoos that's so cool!! I'm glad you've asked around about them, and if you have any other qs about the tattoo process feel free to hmu I have 5 of them. also I'm sure you've heard this already so I won't say much, but if you're getting a matching tattoo with your partner make sure it's of something that you'd want as a tattoo if it was just on you and not matching with someone else. just make sure it's something you want for the tattoo itself not just the match factor

I'm glad my advice helped <33 I hope you have an amazing time!! NYC is such a fun city, it's one of my favorite places in the US outside of California

[ahopkins1965]



 

 

What does it mean to feel out of place?

 

            I have a very important to ask everyone.  Have any of you ever felt out of place during your life?  I have because I went to an AA Meeting a couple of weeks ago, and everyone felt appreciative and understanding.  I was very happy during the AA Big Book Study.  Whereas, two hours later, I went to an NA Meeting and no one did not speak to me and show me love whatsoever.  I really felt out of place because not too many people from AA, which is Alcoholics Anonymous attend NA Meetings.

 Narcotics Anonymous is a very great Fellowship.  It is that, my AA Sponsor does not want me attending those type of meetings.  I do not understand why he would tell me not to attend NA Meetings in the first place.  I can identify with both support groups.  I will have to get another Sponsor because I really think he gave me some bad advice.  I understand that I have an addiction.  I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict.  I have been clean and sober for 27 years.

 



  I want to inform everyone that I have been clean and sober since Wednesday May 2, 1990.  I really feel out of place because of attending a meeting that does not coincide with my personal beliefs.  Frankly, it is not my personal beliefs that I have to deal with, I have been coerced or easily influenced to listen to others.  There are sponsors who give bad advice.  I really feel that my sponsor gave me some bad advice when he should have examined the principles and traditions of NA, and compare it to AA.  In my case, I have to read information from both Fellowships in order to understand things.  Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.  Job 33:14 says for God may speak in one way, or in another, yet man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night.  When deep sleep falls upon men.

 

I have to remain prayerful and truthful at all times.  I know that I am in need of a new AA sponsor.  My old AA sponsor and I parted ways with each other over 3 months ago.  This is because he mentioned to me that I should not attend NA meetings.  I have not attended an NA meeting ever since.  I know that all of this sounds like a drama or a soap opera. I know that I am also dealing with issues other than AA, but I am hopeful for the present as well as the future.  I am a very nice person.

 



 I am a person who learns from everyone.  I know that my behavior has not been the best as of late.  However, I am an analytical person.  I am a person who loves to study.  I am, a person who tells the truth at all times.  I do not have anything to hide from anyone.  I am also a person who is willing to give my last dollar to someone who is in need.  I am a person who has had a great deal of success during the past 30 years.  I have had a lot of success during the time I was working at the University of Toledo for 4 years.  I also has a great deal of success, while working at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.  I am a person who loves to read, write, think freely, and study.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Thank you very much!!

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

Anthony Hopkins

[goldenkirstein]

somewhere only we know

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

chapter one: somewhere only we know

pairing: eventual jean x gn! reader, as of rn, mikasa ackerman x gn! platonic! reader

wc: 1192

tags: angst, MAJOR AOT CH 139 SPOILERS, major character death mention, mentions of death, mentions of violence. Reader is eldian, but no mention of physical attributes.

a/n: With the end of aot, I needed to write something to cope, this is not fluffy ahhh, but I wrote this while I was crying to this playlist by @alert-arlert (ty for the 10/10 playlist heh). This isn't exactly romance buttttt I don't think I'm done writing this tbh and want to explore that with any upcoming parts. This is also like my second piece of writing for anime and my first time writing something of this sorts lmao, any criticism or advice is appreciated.

next.

series masterlist

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

You brushed the hair out of her face.

The past three years had not been easy ones. Not for anyone. The years had been especially unkind towards Mikasa Ackerman.

She stirred in her sleep. You always felt terrible disturbing her; she always looked so peaceful when she was asleep, crimson scarf wrapped around her, chest rising and falling. The withered and whorled bark of the ancient tree hardly being a comfortable resting for the young woman, and yet, the tranquil expression on her face could convince any wandering traveller that the tree was a worthy place to lay one’s worries to rest.

“Mikasa, it’s getting late. We should head back.” For almost every week, for the past three years, you would accompany the young Ackerman to visit the grave of her most beloved. On some days, you would sit with her, reminiscing of days long gone; on other days, the both of you would sit in silence, looking upon the vast fields, the view which once was obstructed by the imposing walls; a grim reminder of the events that transpired years prior. Occasionally, you would watch Mikasa from a distance, allowing her to spend time with her memories of Eren.

“Hm? Oh. Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Mikasa stretched, looking towards the sky. You lent her a hand as she slowly got up. Giving you a tender smile, the young woman thanked you. The both of you began making your way down the hill, one of her hands clutching yours, the other grasping the wilted flowers she gathered from Eren’s resting spot.

You gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. “They’re all coming tomorrow. It’s been a while. Wonder if they all look the same.” You glanced down at your feet, the feeling of uncertainty rising in your chest.

The young woman smiled at your actions, “It has, though I’m sure they haven’t changed any more than we have. Knowing them, they would always stick out like sore thumbs, no matter where.”

You let out a faint chuckle, taking a deep breath in as both you and Mikasa approached the small lodgings in the distance. What she had said was true. It was inevitable that all of you would have changed. Turning your head, you observed the Ackerman; she had grown out her hair; the once blunt ends now neatly sat gathered over her shoulder. Mikasa had endured, more than most would have. You understood that. Eren’s actions weighed heavily on you as well, mentally and physically. Oftentimes, you would catch yourself looking at your reflection of a store window, confused as to who you were seeing. A weathered soldier? A traitor to their nation? An Eldian? A devil?

Maybe, Armin had grown his hair out again, like when you all were in the training corps. Were he and Annie together? Connie still hadn’t visited his mother, had he? Did Jean ever shave that excuse of a beard? Your eyebrows scrunched together, questions forming and disappearing in your head. You shook your head, smiling at the thought of your comrades, no, your dear friends, the ambassadors of peace. Did they manage to find a way to curb the threat of war?

Mikasa reached for the handle on the worn door, turning it and stepping inside to the cottage; she closed the door after you came inside and made her way to the washroom.

“It was a long day. I’m going to take a bath. Do you mind making some tea in the meantime?” You gave her a nod and turned to shrug off your cardigan, setting it on the small table by the house’s entrance. You tossed your head back, eyes landing on the grainy mahogany ceiling, your eyelids fluttered shut, and you heard the washroom door close, the sound of water filling the tub following shortly. Opening your eyes slowly, you lowered your head. Walking over to the kitchen, you filled a kettle with water, setting it up on the stove. Leaning back on the kitchen counter, you allowed your eyes to close once more.

You had come back to Paradis with Mikasa on that day.

It was sort of a haze for everyone mostly, the feeling that they had woken up from a long dream. You had thought it was the end of the line for you and your comrades, death inevitable as you were all turned into pure titans in a flash.

You remember seeing her emerge from the smoke clutching Eren's head in her arms, holding him close to her heart. The sight of his decapitated head contrasting the memory of him from just moments prior. He had been sitting with you, explaining why he did what he did, apologizing, sharing his regrets and saying his final goodbye.

Was this death? No, it couldn’t have been. Mikasa was there; she wasn’t dead, was she?

“I should go. If I stayed, Eren...He wouldn’t get a proper burial; they wouldn’t give him one.” Mikasa had come and sat next to you, whispering a goodbye before getting up to leave.

You jerked your head back, scrambling to stand up, stance wobbling, “Mikasa, wait! Where are you going?” She faltered in her step, turning around to face you once more; seeing Eren like this was still a harrowing sight.

“Paradis. It’s useless for me to keep fighting. I’m taking him home.”

“You can’t go by yourself! The Yeagerists would string you up in the square for doing what you did!” Eren Yeager was dead. Mikasa Ackerman had killed him. The Yeagerists would never let her live if they knew that. “I’m coming with you! I won’t- I can’t, lose any more people to this.”

Mikasa’s shoulder’s dropped, giving you a steely-eyed expression. “No. You will stay here with Armin, and he’s taking the blame for Eren. You can work out a plan with him and the others to save humanity.” Armin and the others? Were they alive?

Pivoting around, you saw the hoard of Eldians embracing one another in the distance. A gasp left your lips; you turned to face Mikasa, glassy-eyed, your chest heaving, overcome with relief.

“I’ll be fine. I played my part in this story; I want to go home. Please.” As much as you wanted to run and find Armin, Connie and Jean among the rest, you would never forgive yourself if you left her behind to play diplomat, as she suffered in silence with no one there to comfort her.

You stepped up to her, “Mikasa, I’ve always been by your side, haven’t I? You’re my family as I’m yours, and what kind of person would I be if I abandoned you now? Armin will be fine. He is plenty capable, and besides, who would take care of you?” She opened her mouth to object. You gave her arm a gentle squeeze. She averted her gaze, and she shut her mouth, opting for a curt nod.

And with that, you and the Ackerman girl made your way back to where it all began, your home. Paradis. You turned your head around one last time to watch those closest to you disappear from your sight.

a/n: I hope this was okay, if you liked this story and would like more parts please let me know !! as well as if you wanna see some other relationships blossom with the reader...jean is coming soon tho so yeah

Leave a like/reblog if you enjoyed reading this. I would appreciate it a lot <33

[seriouslysam8]

For the ask game, would you please answer questions numbered 2, 8, 14 (all of your titles have such cool names), 18 (I hope Abditory isn't one of them as that story rocks), 21, 24, 29, 30, 33, 34, 44, 51, 62, 76, 82, 85, 88, 90, and 98.

Sorry for asking so many, but I love your work! Entombed gave me so many feels! I found your stories because author Breanie said to read them in her author's notes. Best rec ever! Thank you for answering.

Wow, that is a lot of asks! Thank you so much for wanting to know so much about little ole me. I think I hit them all in this and my apologies if I missed one. Let me know if I missed one. @breaniebree is awesome and my writing BFF. She is amazing, and I love her.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

So, I’ve written for The X-Files, Supernatural, and Harry Potter. I currently only write for Harry Potter. I would say Harry Potter has always been the most fun.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Random shit. Brontide came to me because I was browsing the HPFanfiction subreddit looking for a story suggestion and someone asked for a story where Harry was addicted to Felix. Only one unfinished dimensional time travel story was listed. It idea sparked me to write my own version. Entombed came to me because I was rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy was buried alive. I knew I wanted to bury Ginny alive. As I stated in the author’s notes of last Kalopsia chapter, I drew inspiration from the Djinn storyline in Supernatural. I write about things I know, too. I have young kids at home so I like writing the Potter children as young because I can mimic their mannerisms in my writing. I’ve even asked my kids to say certain words to emulate their speech pattern in my writing if I’m writing that age group.

14) How did you come up with the title for the XXX? You can ask about multiple stories.

I HATE coming up with titles. My newest trend has been to literally Google “unique words”. There are a ton of Pinterest accounts who make fancy word and definition pictures. I scroll through all these little unique words and pick out ones I think fit a story. Sometimes I Google a unique word for BLANK and see if I can get a cool version of that name. @breaniebree actually helped me with Entombed.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Sadly, I would put Abditory in this category. Never say never though. I think about it from time to time. Honestly, I abandoned it due to such a negative response I was receiving and the lack of positive response. I became discouraged. It wasn’t even negative response due to my writing, it was literally a bunch of “why would you waste your time writing a story about the biggest plot hole in the books? JKR butchered the whole SK storyline and it’s unbearable to read.” So, basically, my reviews and PMs were filled with JKR hate over that plot point in the books. They heavily outweighed the positive reviews I received. Honestly, I think that’s why a bulk of stories get abandoned - lack of positive reviews or enthusiasm for a story. If I didn’t get so many great reviews for my stories, I don’t know if I’d be able to finish them or continuing writing new ones. Fanfiction is free, (as it should be) but it’s a lot of time and hard work. A little appreciation goes a LONG way. So, my advice, review everything you love reading and encourage writers to keep writing. I always say in my authors notes that reviews make me want to write and inspire me. That’s the truth. The moment I stop getting reviews will probably be the time I take a writing break again.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

@breaniebree. I mean she’s dedicated years to a single story with so many plot lines and characters that I’m amazed she did it. She’s a fantastic writer, and I definitely consider her my writing BFF. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from her and enjoy talking about writing with her so much. I’m so glad we’ve become friends.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Horrified. Anytime I get a little steamy in my stories, it goes immediately to @breaniebree who usually adds way too much smut and then I cut it down to still be somewhat PG-13 in order to appeal to a wider audience.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I feel like Kalopsia isn’t getting as much love as my other stories. I’m way behind in my normal review count per chapter. I wonder if it’s just the confusing storyline or if it’s just not as fun to read? But I was definitely worried it wouldn’t get the love I thought it deserved when I started writing it and it’s lived up to that expectation.

30) In contrast to 29, is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Cronus Rising. People still recommend it occasionally and I still get random reviews. I’m like, “why????” Its horribly written and a stupid plot line. I literally was getting back into writing after not writing for a good five years, so it’s abysmal. I’ve often wanted to rage delete it.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

When someone tells me I should write an original novel and they’d buy the hell out of it. I do have some original novel ideas floating around (one I’ve been writing since I was like 15), but crippling fear of rejection from publishers have stopped me from ever actually finish an original novel.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I got some criticism in Brontide for having drama for drama’s sake with no real purpose or goal for said drama. I felt my drama served a purpose, drove the story along, and I add a lot of fluffy and cute family moments. I feel like in real life, when you to your loved one is going through sometime, it feels like nonstop drama and bad news and like a dark cloud just follows you. I wanted to emulate that in real life. So Harry’s POV was often drab because HE was the one going through something horrific and it was all doom and gloom for him.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“You never think I listen to your ramblings, but it’s kind of hard to block out, mate.”

51) From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

Um... I’d say a 3. I think I have some good and unique plots for stories but sometimes I struggle on how to execute those on paper effectively. I struggle with descriptions, action, and showing rather than telling. But I do think I’m good at dialogue and capturing a character’s personality. So, 3.

62) Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

A lot! I have a Teddy/Victoire stalker story in the works that I’m excited about. I have (this is going to sound weird) but an outsider rom-com planned where Ron/Hermione breakup right before Hinny’s wedding and Hinny struggles to get them back together before the big day. I have a Potter family vacation fluff/comedy story planned. I have a game night one-shot planned. I have a short story about Luna’s wedding. So many that I want to write and don’t know which one to write first!!

76) Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I’d say no. I’ve always tried to write my ideas down. Some I’ve never finished because inspiration peters off and some I plan on finishing once my newest big project is done.

82) Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

Harry goes through some shit, and Ginny is his soulmate.

85) Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I don’t understand why people don’t ship Harry/Ginny more. I don’t understand the Harry/Daphne obsessions (like just why???) or the Harry/Hermione ship at all. I always see people asking for story recommendation and they specific say “no Harry/Ginny”. They are literally perfect for one another and they are soulmates.

88) If you could ask one other fanfic author three questions about their writing, writing process, or works, what would they be and who would you ask?

@breaniebree .

1.) How do you organize all your charts? Send me the ALL the charts. Because I don’t understand how you keep everything straight!

2.) How do you write so much? You’re like a little writing machine in a cute little package.

3.) Where do all the ideas come from? In a dream? Just thinking? Driving? Do you write everything out in your head like meeee? Can I have some of your writing mojo?

90) How do you process and deal with negative reviews?

I obsess over them. I analyze them. I may get bummed out and not write for a few days. If you don’t like what I write, then don’t read or review. It’s a hobby. I do this for free. I’m not asking you to critique me. Give me a nice review or ask me a question, but don’t be cruel or mean because you can hide behind a keyboard and be a bully to make yourself feel superior.

98) If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to and why?

Music. I grew up with three older brothers. My house was always rowdy and loud and obnoxious. I need it to be loud. I can’t stand the silence or focus when it’s silent. I need music to help me think and write. When I’m home alone, I always turn on the TV or music, because I can’t stand when it’s silent. I think I’d go insane.

[mc-critical]

hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter.  She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

[100dad]

100 things that made me America’s Dad

#1 I had Sex. It is tough to be a Dad when you do not have a kid. Full credit due for invitro dads, for adoption dads, and stepdads. I am not trying to bash on anybody’s parade. I just did it the old-fashioned way. Had a lot of fun. It is a natural talent.

#2 I got my priorities in the right order.  It is not about me anymore. Faith. Wife. Kids. Then me. My hobbies take a back seat. The gym became less important.

#3 I made my marriage a priority.

#4 I made sure I could financially provide. Check income. Track expenses. Budget.

#5 Financially prepared for the future. College. Retirement. Big Purchases. House. Cars. Etc.

#6 I made sure I had a Will.

#7 I made sure I had Life Insurance.

#8 I recognized that I am now a role model. I should at least act like it.

#9 I stayed optimistic about everything. Because pessimism sucks.

#10 Made sure Mom and Dad are on the same team.

#11 My discipline game was on point. Strong, Firm, Reasonable.

#12 I protected my family.  From physical harm, spiritual harm, emotional harm, evil.

#13 I am thankful for everything. Where I was born. The people I have met. That guy that gave me an idea. The guy that said I couldn’t. The ones that said I could. To authors. To haters. To supporters. Everything. Everyone.

#14 I provide. A roof, food, and water. Stable home. Education. Unconditional love. Discipline. Consequences.

#15 Not rigid. I stay flexible. Not only in the sack. I’m not going to be rigid in my parenting. Times change. Kids have different personalities. I adjust accordingly.

#16 I shouldered the responsibility. And the blame.  All of it. I can handle it.

#17 I set the tone at home. It’s what a leader does.

#18 Made sure our family name means something in our community. How we carry ourselves and how we treat others.

#19 A good home life was more important than faking it on social media.

#20 I made sure our house was a home.

#21 I kicked ass at work. I tried to be the best. Because that is how you succeed.

#22 I prepare my kids for the real world. Age appropriately, of course.

#23 My values and morals are firm. I do not compromise on those.

#24 I put in the effort. Because this is too important to wing it.

#25 I became good at relationships. It’s amazing what being nice, reliable, and offering help will do for your reputation.

#26   Humbled myself because I realized my ego will be my downfall.

#27   Perspective was everything. I learned to put myself in other people’s shoes.

#28 Taught my kids about guns. If I am going to have them, we might as well make sure safety is taught and they do not become forbidden fruit.

#29 I reassessed who I hung out with. I wanted to elevate myself not be held back.

#30 This is who I took advice from. People who actually did what I wanted to do. Good Dads. Good businessmen who built from scratch.

#31 Time. Quality and quantity. I recognized its importance in raising a family. Time is everything.

#32 Let my kids be them. Not what I wish I had been. My Values and morals are firm but I let their personalities and talents bloom.

#33 I read books to my kids. Good bonding. Good teaching moments.

#34 I Play with my kids. Both when it was fun as they get older and when it was boring when they just laid there.

#35 I remain Calm under pressure. Cool heads prevail over emotional drama queens.

#36 I build up my kids’ confidence. Because self-esteem does not result from being crushed all the time.

#37 I give them frequent reality checks. If I’m going to be humbled…so will they. This isn’t a fairy tale.

#38 Created a stable home environment. Rules, routine, predictability.

#39 Realized how much these kids see and absorb…..and modified my behavior.

#40 I hated negativity. Still do.

#41 Vices – not for me. I can say no. I can handle stress. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, tobacco….I make sure my mind is more powerful than temptation.

#42 My secret formula. Hard work + Good Decisions + Faith =Success

#43 Failing does not bother me. In fact, it oddly is fun for me.

#44 Plowed thru fears. Pushed forward. No, what-ifs.

#45 Live without regret. I do not want to be 90 wishing I had been a better dad or tried to make something of myself.

#46 Not afraid to make the unpopular decision because I know it is the right decision.

#47 I do not get painted into corners. If A and B are the only options. I find or create an option C.

#48 I am not afraid to get weird and step outside my comfort zone.

#49 I did not say the things I wanted to say when I was angry. Because I knew I would regret it and once those things are said they never really get taken back.

#50 Loved taking those scary leaps toward opportunities.

#51 Gave my kids independence and freedom as they earned it.

#52 I am not a helicopter dad. But I do verify the trust and freedoms I have allowed are worthy.

#53 Comparison was motivation, not depression. I was never envious, just inspired.

#54 Our house had RULES. Because structure is important.

#55 I refused to sacrifice my family to excel in my career.

#56 I let my kids fail…. a lot.

#57 Became okay with asking for help…. letting go of that ego thing.

#58 Actions were more important than words…. anybody can say the words.

#59 I didn’t make excuses, I just got things done.

#60 Willingness to do what others would not. I found there is much value in doing the things others find demeaning or too hard.

$61 I found the best balance is balancing over longer periods of time. Not day to day or even weekly. More seasonal.

#62 I gave myself reality checks. Check that ego.

#63 I realized how good I have it. And I did my best to soak in that contentment.

#64 Recognized my kids’ genetics and focused on their talents, skills, and personalities.

#65 Respect is important. Earning it & Giving it.

#66 Bravery is important. Super important. Stand up for what I genuinely believe in.

#67 Raising my kids to be fully functional adults.

#68 I used short-term tactics with long-term visions.

#69 Pushed my kids to be better, braver, stronger.

#70 Teach my kids everything I can about life, so they are prepared when they enter the real world without me.

#71 Recognized how important dads’ role is in the family.

#72 I document a lot. It’s great for memories. Reflection. Appreciation.

#73 I controlled my kids' influences. What they see, experience, hear.

#74 Strong man- Kind heart.

#75 The secret to a good life is simply being happy.

#76 I do my best. Give my best. Because effort is huge!

#77 Realized my wife was insanely important to our life.

#78 I drive our family value home repeatedly. No one and done. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

#79 Started my own businesses giving us control of our lifestyle.

#80 Worked close to home because I hated the idea of traffic instead of family.

#81 Made big efforts to be incredibly involved in my kids’ lives. Even the not so fun things.

#82 We switched to homeschooling. More time. More freedom. More control of influences.

#83 Knew my priorities in life. Faith. Family. Work. Friends.

#84 Budgeting was a huge deal. Both of us stayed involved and adhered to it. Neither of us wasted our hard-earned money.

#85 I did not borrow money. No partners. No inheritance. All on my own. No scapegoats. No crutches.

#86 Willing to do unpopular things and go against the grain. Because going along with crowds seems so…. basic.

#87 Cared more about building a net worth than impressing people.

#88 Despite mediocre grammar skills I enjoy writing out my thoughts. Creates clarity and conviction!

#89 Never traveled as a kid, Limited travel as an adult= Strong desire to travel!

#90 Sold a valuable business to the right company at the right time. Luck helps. Luck seems to happen to people who work really hard and do the right things.

#91 Realized having cash and no debt gives you options and freedom and tremendous peace of mind.

#92 Set huge, big goals. Never achieved them totally. But when I came up short, I still did great!

#93 Never afraid of work…even hard work, willing to outwork everyone.

#94 My hobby was my family and work. I excelled at the 2 things I focused most on.

#95 Leaned heavily on my Faith. Put my worries, struggles, anxieties on shoulders bigger than mine.

#96 I knew I did not want to replicate the bad parts of my father …but I did want to replicate the good parts.

#97 Married a girl with the same values and morals as me. With similar goals. With similar ethics. With the same determination to work through bad times and build a good life.

#98 Looked at my ancestry and wanted to become a legend in my family. I wanted our name to really mean something.

#99 Lived a life that if someone wants to dig into it there is nothing to find. Squeaky clean.

#100 Wrote down our family values. This became our compass and roadmap.

100% Dad is currently on tour traveling the country promoting the 100% Dad brand. Townsend Russell is the Founder and Personality for 100% Dad. Townsend has been on the tour for over 15 months with his family with plans to continue until January 2023. Townsend sold his businesses and retired in 2019 and has been building 100% Dad and creating insane memories with his family along the way.

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[bettsfic]

I got ice cream with a friend and her boyfriend today (we social distanced, I promise), and we hung out for like, three hours just chatting, jumping from topic to topic as we would. I'm not saying it was all deep shit, but it has me thinking about how there's a difference between small talk and normal talk, where normal talk for me is word vomit (and the resulting conversation), not struggling to ask pointed questions that will lead to more questions and thus, conversing. (1/2?)

Anyways, all this is to say that when I sit and talk with some friends, they're brushing me out after an hour (it's like clockwork--I could actually almost time it to that exactly), and when that happens, I'm often left feeling like I don't actually KNOW the friend because we cannot have full out word-vomit conversations where we meander to the topics that matter to both of us, we have to feel things out in a limited time without ever reaching Conclusions. Any advice to combat this? (2/2)

Also thank you for letting me word vomit in your inbox. And also letting me randomly message you all the time. I love and appreciate you even though I feel like I've never had the opportunity to get to know you nearly well enough for all this. Please tell me random stories about yourself at random intervals if you are comfortable with such things. I like knowing these sorts of things about the people in my shared universe.

unfortunately i don’t think there’s any way to combat it, or if there is i haven’t learned it. if i’m around people with whom i can’t talk writing, teaching, or pop culture, i’m basically lost. i have no idea who i am or what to say, and those situations can sometimes send me into a spiral. i consider myself a socially adept person, but i don’t generally like talking about myself (not because of insecurity or anything, i just think it’s a boring subject, because i already know who i am), and whenever people try to have “deep” conversations with me, i mostly end up unwittingly playing therapist, or getting dragged into sociopolitical debates with people who lack compassion and critical thinking.

in my early 20s, i picked up on the idea that sometimes i was around people and it drained me, and around other people i felt fulfilled, and i started noting when and why it happened. over time i distanced myself from people whose company i felt took something from me, even if i really liked them as people, and grew closer to people who made me feel good about myself. i also prided myself on my wide and varied social circle, and that i had social engagements every day. needless to say, when i gave up on that endeavor, i wasn’t left with many friends, but the ones i have are good ones, and we word-vomit at each other comfortably, and offer the reassurance and validation we are all always seeking, and because i have the security of their friendship, it’s far less exhausting to be around other kinds of people than it used to be.

also i’ve found as people get older, they get more settled in who they are, and better at being sincere, and become better listeners too. i’m always surprised how easy it is to make connections now and find kindness and patience in others, when in my teens and even most of my 20s i always felt, as you say, brushed out. (the opposite side of this coin, however, is that people are also steadier in their existing primary relationships, and so while those connections you build are real, balanced, and mutually appreciated, they often don’t grow, and staying in touch becomes harder.)

i miss you and i hope you’re doing well in all the madness of this year <33

[banghwa]

Hi Adrien 💜

I saw your posts about your... "Friends" and the reply you had for the anon who commented on it and I'd like to add something.

Is it possible that the good feelings you have surrounding your friends are fuel based from the old memories you had with them? What I mean is that whenever you're feeling happy around them is it because you're remembering the old times? Thinking about how these two seconds are like how things used to be?

If this is the case, you don't feel happy around them. You're happy with the memories they gave you 🥺 I don't know you and I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But you deserve friends that don't make you feel crazy and that actually care to listen to your problems without assigning blame or negativity 💜

I hope you figure things out, sending you warm hugs and good energy 🤗💜

hey sweetheart <3 sry for taking such a long bit to answer u 😭 i think....you actually make a really good point that i haven’t considered...? it wouldnt be that far fetched to say that im just holding on to the friendship for the sake of the memories. i’ve lost a lot of close friendships to similar circumstance but i’ve known these two since elementary/middle school. we’ve made plans for our future together and for a long time those plans were what kept me going. but now i feel like i’ve outgrown them a bit, and i might still be holding to nostalgia.....this is actually a really good point and i actually kind of think you’re right :((( </3 i’ll still take time to think it over but yeah....i should really think about if i’m actually happy or just trying to be happy with them....

thank you so much tho 🥺<3 i will keep thinking on it but i really appreciate your opinion and advice <333 i hope you have a lovely rest of the week, darling! <33`

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x10 Chapter Thirty-Two

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) I really love how big of a storyline Jane’s passion for writing is. When I started watching season 1, I feared this would be one of those characteristics that seem to completely define a character at the beginning of the show but then either the writers get bored with it or they don’t know how to follow through in a realistic way and then she finds she loves something entirely different. But Jane’s passion for writing is truly fundamental for this show – from the episode titles to the omniscient narrator – and it’s the only thread in Jane’s arc that I’m actually invested in.

2) I’d almost forgotten she still hasn’t had sex! I get that the word “virgin” is right there in the title, but come on!

3) OMG, Rogelio’s mom is singing the “Wake up, Rogelio” song… I guess she’s the reason he has such high self-esteem.

4) My dog this did to my computer once…

5) So, finally, Rafael acknowledged that what Michael did was actually necessary to save Mateo…

RAFAEL: Because my mother wanted the chip. The one we traded for Mateo. MICHAEL: But I gave that to Nadine to give to Rose. RAFAEL: My mother says Rose doesn't have it. MICHAEL: Oh, my God. Nadine must not have given it to her. RAFAEL: That's why I wanted to talk to you, away from your partner. 'Cause we probably broke some laws trying to get Mateo back. MICHAEL: You didn't. I did.

Am I the only one seeing a contradiction here? Just like two or three episodes ago Rafael claimed that HE PAID SOMEONE to go to the police and tell on Michael because Rafael was trying to SAVE HIS FAMILY from evil, shady Michael. Now, he admits that the very thing Michael did which had supposedly put his family in danger, is what saved Mateo…

6) Lina wants Jane to get some, and tbh, same.

7) #traumas

8) Hahaha! The profile pics that Lina used are gold!

9) I really love Rogelio’s relationship and communication with both his parents? He’s just so open and wholesome and healthy in the way he talks to them, which is so unlike the typical Latino macho and it’s so fucking refreshing and such a positive form of representation, you know? I also super love the extended dialogue in Spanish because it makes it much more realistic. I think that’s a reality for bilinguals, you know? American shows and movies are usually so afraid of having characters not speaking in English that they end up fabricating situations in which everyone magically speaks English even though that’s not their native language, and as a Latina myself, I truly appreciate this.

10) Okay, so the last one was a Michael episode, I guess it’s Rafael’s turn now…

Guh, this show does so many things right EXCEPT this. This is awful. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

11) Petra is in the hospital?!

12) I guess we’re turning the triangle into a square…

13) “Fair point, Still illegal” reminds me of “Cool motive, still murder.” Give yourself kudos if you get the reference.

14) A totally valid reason to fire someone, if you ask me.

I knew she wanted Rafael to take care of her. I also hate this, you know? Petra might be sort of evil and manipulative, but even she deserves better than Rafael.

15) I have a feeling Jane will end up kissing a rando in this episode. That’s twice that word has been thrown in.

16) And this reminded me of Rebecca Bunch…

17) Oh, of course, Petra is super scared, I had totally forgotten about their miscarriage!

18) Called it…

And tbh, I’m feeling this way more than I ever did her thing with either Rafael or Michael.

19) He has a girlfriend. Ha!

20) Well, I guess this pretty much boils down why she keeps going back and forth between Rafael and Michael…

XIOMARA: My point is, you're a relationship person. JANE: Yeah. I am. You know, and the thought of going through all this again. Trying to find the right person, going on so many terrible dates. XIOMARA: Till one isn't terrible… JANE: And then what? I have to start over again with someone? It just sounds so exhausting. I just want to skip to the end.

She’s a relationship person but she can’t be bothered to go through the whole process of getting to know someone, dating them, falling in love and all of that. Either Rafael or Michael would offer her that, the skip-to-the-end thing. But neither of those relationships seem destined to happen, at least not yet. Pre-show Jane and Michael were in a healthy relationship, or at least it seems so based on the flashbacks we’ve seen. But she hasn’t quite had a healthy relationship with either of them in a season and a half. So maybe she should really try someone else…

21) “You don’t pop in peach!” I got that reference…

22) I knew that this whole situation would help Xiomara better understand her mother-in-law. Rogelio just fired his own mom and…

23) That’s some good advice. Thank you, Alba.

24) Aw, Xiomara tried to take the blame for the firing, but Liliana had already heard the conversation between her and Rogelio and was aware that Xiomara had tried to talk Rogelio out of it. Nice to see these two burying the hatchet…

25) This is actually pretty close to my list…

26) Yep, sounds about right. #same

27) I knew there was something odd about that scene at the beach…

28) OMG I’d watch the hell out of this show!

29) Yes, he did find a good woman, and yes, he should marry her.

30) They’re choosing names…

…and bonding…

31) Is this an old flame of Alba or something?

32) She’s fantasizing, right?

I mean, who says “your brains are so hot”? (not that it wouldn’t be a total turn on, but still…)

Yep. Okay, I guess?

33)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[jchb32273]

Fictober 2019 - Day 11

Fanfiction - Dragon Age AO3 Link

It’s Not Always Like This

~~~~~

[16:30] Hey, love… I hate to break it to you, but Maric has asked if I can stay late again to help him out with this project. I promise I’ll make it up to you soon!

                   Again? But this is the fifth time this has happened! [16:32]

[16:33] I know, I know! It’s just that… Maric has actually been rather civil lately. He and Cailan need my help and the job experience will be good on my resume.

        Won’t you just be joining his company upon graduation? [16:34]

[16:35] I don’t know. Yes, it makes the most sense… but I don’t think this is where I want to be for the rest of my life. I want to keep my options open.

             I wonder if he is really doing this just to keep us apart. [16:37]

[16:37] Kylara, sweetie, that really isn’t fair. I know we’ve had reasons to think that in the past, but I think he might finally be coming around to the idea of us as a couple.

                     Fine. Whatever. Just… text me once you are free. [16:39]

[16:40] Kylara, I do miss you. I promise we will get together again!

He waited for a few minutes, but there was no response. No ellipses indicating she was typing. He sighed and closed the text app and slid his phone back into his pocket. I suppose I can understand her point. Maric has tried to keep us apart, but he hasn’t said one word against it lately. This is also a very important contract for his company. If we can just solve this client’s problem… then I will be free! I will need to do something really special for her to make up for all the times I’ve had to cancel.

“You look like you are thinking some deep thoughts there, bro,” Cailan said as he walked into the tiny office that Alistair was currently using. He leaned against the wall. “Is it about the project? Because any brilliant ideas you might have…”

Alistair just sighed.

“Ah, I get it… You miss your girlfriend. Had to break another date today?”

“How does Josephine deal with it?” Alistair asked. “You are vice-president… You are right under Maric. This must happen to you all the time.”

Cailan chuckled. “In her typical fashion. She goes out and spends my money.”

Alistair stared at Cailan. “And you are okay with that?”

“She is my fiancée and she knows I love her, but she understands that what I do with him is very important. She also knows that once we are married, dad will give me a little more leniency to hire my own help, which will free up my hours for her.” Cailan smiled, then asked, “So? Do you think your girlfriend is the one? Will your wedding shortly follow mine?”

“Cailan, we have only known each other for five months! I’d say it’s a little soon to be talking about weddings!”

“Do you love her?”

“I-I care for her. Quite a lot. She is special to me and…”

“You haven’t actually said it to her yet?”

“I… no. No, I haven’t said I love her. I’m not sure if it is the right time yet. There is a part of me that really wants to, but I am afraid it might…”

“Might what? Scare her away?” Cailan folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t think that is likely. I’ve only met her a few times, but she doesn’t strike me as the type to be afraid of love or commitment. In fact, I’d say she is the opposite. I think that she craves it, as much as you do. If you don’t tell her soon, she might think you are just stringing her along. Especially since you’ve had to cancel dates lately.”

Alistair frowned. “Only because I’ve been here helping you and Ma- father.”

“Still having trouble calling him ‘dad’ or ‘father’, huh?”

“You’ve had him for your whole life. I’ve only known him for a mere fraction of that!”

“No need to bite my head off, I agree with you. Had I been in your shoes, I’d probably be the same.”

I appreciate the sentiment, but I doubt it. You are a people-pleaser Cailan. You would have still called him father even if he hadn’t been there for you. Alistair sighed.

Just then, the intercom buzzed on Alistair’s desk and Maric’s voice spoke. “Alistair, Cailan, I think we might have found a breakthrough. Come into my office at once please.”

“Back to the grind, eh, bro?” Cailan stopped his leaning and stood up straight. “Look, before we go in there, I’ll give you some quick advice. If you love her – and I think you really do – tell her. I’m sure that you’ll have some free time soon. Why don’t you plan a romantic dinner for two this weekend? Even if we aren’t finished with this project, I am sure I can ask dad to give you a small break. He’s not completely heartless, you know.”

“We’ll see.” Alistair got up from his chair and smiled at his half-brother. “Thanks, Cailan.”

Despite Maric’s so-called ‘breakthrough’, Alistair didn’t stumble into his condo until 1 am. Glad I have no classes tomorrow… I’d never be able to focus. He yawned. As it is, don’t know how much I’ll be able to help Maric and Cailan in a few hours! He wants me back at the office at six! Maker, I am so tired!

He pulled off the suit he’d been required to wear to the office and lay it as carefully as he could manage across his dresser to keep it from getting too wrinkled. As he was laying his jacket down, his phone fell out of the inner pocket.

Should I text Kylara? No… it is late and she’ll be sleeping. Cailan is right though. I need to do something to make up for all the dates I’ve had to cancel. I still don’t know who sent her all those stupid fake tabloids. I don’t want her to start thinking again that I don’t care for her!

Before sleep could claim him, he briefly checked that Winston was okay out on the patio. His heated doghouse seemed to be keeping him warm enough, despite the chilly winter temperature outside. Alistair then staggered back into his bedroom and passed out on his bed.

10:30 am, and Alistair was barely awake at his desk. He’d nodded off again when Cailan knocked on the doorjamb.

“Dude, you really need some coffee, don’t you?”

Alistair’s eyes snapped open. “Coffee? Mmph, yeah. Sounds good.”

Cailan sighed and shook his head. “Annnd, maybe a bit of fresh air too? Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Think so?” Alistair mumbled.

“Okay, listen. Dad is on a phone call right now with the client. You’ve got maaaybe a half-hour. Go and get yourself some coffee and breakfast. Just hurry back, all right?”

“Sure. Thanks, Cailan,” Alistair said with a yawn. “’Preciate it.”

He stepped out of Maric’s building and on the corner he saw a chain coffee store. Not caring who made the drink, as long as it was hot, strong, and caffeinated, he crossed the street and headed into the shop.

A few minutes later he was sitting at a table inside the store, sipping a large hazelnut coffee with milk and two sugars, and nibbling on a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich. Feeling a bit more alert, he looked around the store. It was then he noticed the cut-out hearts and flowers hanging throughout the store.

Maker’s Breath! All Hearts Day is tomorrow! How could I forget!! Oh, I really hope Maric won’t need me! I need to make plans to do something special for Kylara… and stat!

Then he noticed a flower shop across from the coffee store. He quickly wolfed down the rest of his sandwich, put a lid on his coffee and ran over to the florist.

The heady scent of hot-house roses hit his nose as soon as he entered the store. He definitely wanted to get Kylara some of those, but he also wanted some extra flowers added to say other meaningful things – that for the moment – he couldn’t say in person.

By the time he left, he had a large arrangement of purple hyacinth (to say he was sorry), violets (to represent his loyalty, devotion and faithfulness), pink carnations (to say he thought she was sweet and lovely), lilacs (to represent his first emotions of love), red tulips (a declaration of love), and lastly yarrow and red roses (also to represent love). He wasn’t sure if she knew the meanings of all the flowers, but since she had been working with Cullen in the school greenhouses, he hoped she might.

He paid and scheduled the flowers to be delivered this evening to her dorm, then quickly picked a card to go with them. He knew he was no poet laureate, but hoped she would like his little verse.

                             I am sorry that I have been so busy

                       Seems our lives have been in quite a tizzy

                           But I promise it’s not always like this 

                                    It is you that I really miss

                             And as a way for me to apologize

                           I decided to get you a nice surprise

                                I bought this lovely bouquet

                            Just for you… for All Heart’s Day

                            I am also planning a special treat

                        We will go out and get something to eat

                            Then later I plan to treat you right

                          I am asking you to stay for the night

                   I want our relationship to become much more

                            Because it is you that I truly adore.

Once that was all done, he gave a quick glance at his watch. His half-hour was nearly up, so he thanked the florist and then quickly headed back to Maric’s office.

He was just about to sit back down at his desk when Cailan quickly walked in. “Great news! It seems all our hard work last night paid off! The problem is solved and the client has given dad the go-ahead to start production next month!”

“Will I be required to come back then?”

“Maybe. He said might need you for some of the more technical oriented stuff, but for now, he wants to go back and focus on your studies. He also said we are both free for the rest of today and for the weekend!”

“Really?” Alistair’s whole day just got a lot brighter, and he grinned. “That is great because I need to find dinner reservations for tomorrow right away! You probably should too!”

“No, I’ll probably just stay home and cook for Josephine. But you go on and have fun tomorrow. You’ve earned it for sure.”

Alistair quickly walked over and gave Cailan a brief hug. “Thanks, Cailan. For all your advice. I’m going to treat Kylara to a real special night tomorrow.”

Cailan smiled and said, “You do that. I know dad still has some doubts, but I like her. I think she is a really sweet girl. If you get the chance, please tell her I say ‘hello’, all right?”

“I will.” Alistair then grabbed his half-finished coffee and left the office, whistling a happy tune.

Several minutes later, Maric walked into the tiny office.

“He is still seeing that girl, hmm?”

Cailan sighed. “Why do you dislike her, dad? I think she’s kind and sweet… and he really seems happy with her.”

“We have an image to uphold as Theirins, Cailan. We are important people here in Denerim, and Alistair should know this. She isn’t right for him. He should be looking at marrying up, just as you have.”

“He’s still a bit young dad. Things could change.”

Maric didn’t reply. He sighed inwardly and thought, things better change on their own and soon… or I may have to force it myself.

[prettywordsyouleft]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @g-exo Thank you sweetie! <3

1. What takes too much of your time?

Working and writing. 

2. What makes your day better?

Writing, k-dramas, crafting, bullet journalling, chocolate lol.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

This is going to sound odd, but we have 3 little kittens (and their mama) who we rescued from our horses’ hay shed a few weeks ago. The kittens started on solids like two days ago and one of them hadn’t pooped and was pretty full. After some assistance from me, she went and pooped. I could have cried with pure happiness. Poor thing was so uncomfortable.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

The world of Howl’s Moving Castle. To be able to use the door in Howl’s Castle to go to different realms and places would be truly magical.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I believe so. Not so good at taking the same said advice though >_<

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Generalised Anxiety.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Nope and I’m grateful that I haven’t :/ << same.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

SHINee as a group. I was in a hard place when I got into kpop with being unable to walk. I was entirely depressed from my accident and thought I would never get anywhere again. Their music gave me an escapism that I needed at first, and then I found the confidence in myself to get back up and try again. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I don’t think I truly know what love is aside from familial love. I’ve not had the opportunity to fall in love. 

10. What’s your dream date?

I don’t think I have one. Something simple yet fulfilling with a person who is actually engaged in the date happenings and wanting to be in my company would be enough for me!

11. What do others notice about you?

I like to give. Everyone who has come across me - whether in passing or actually get to know me, all say that I have this ability to share with others and make their lives brighter by doing so. 

The ones who know me well complain that I don’t know when to stop and rest because I’m so focused on completing my tasks/ giving to others lol. 

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I guess the above - being too stubborn to know when I need to rest. I’m pretty bad about it. I overload myself and then get too stressed out. It’s something I’m working on!

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Not applicable to me.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Zero.

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

6456 is the amount I have on itunes. I have various playlists that I listen to despite my mood though.

16. What instruments can you play?

None.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

Uhhhh on my phone it’s Mark Tuan. Followed by Kyungsoo and both Jung/Park Jinyoung’s.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Italian Peninsula is my top pick. Other places would be Greece, Japan, Korea and England.

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini technically.

20. Do you relate to it?

I fall on the Gemini-Cancer cusp and relate to articles I’ve read of Gemini-Cancer cusp people than pure Gemini traits. I’m definitely not an outgoing, carefree person as Gem’s are describe to be lol.

21. What is happiness to you?

My family, friends and even our pets succeeding in life. Seeing their happiness makes me feel good.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

This whole year has been a “going through” kind of year. Every time I think things are settling, another thing is thrown my way. But I’m optimistic it means I’m getting stronger with this testing period. 

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Not buying VIP tickets when B.A.P came here for their L.O.E tour. I chose Gold tickets because they had seats and as a partially disabled person through my right leg, I didn’t think I could stand for the duration of the concert. It’s something I’ve regretted for years - they were so amazing to everyone, but those in VIP were so darn lucky with all the interactions they had!  

24. What’s your favourite store?

I guess Gordon Harris, the local art store, because I am always there picking up new stationery supplies for bullet journalling. 

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

It’s a very personal choice. As a person who wants to be a mother one day, it’s an option I could never ever bring myself to do. However, it’s not my place to judge, condemn or preach at those who feel it’s their only choice at the time. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Kind of? In my bullet journal for the past 2 years I’ve done the whole “19/20 things to do before 2019/2020″ but I don’t have an official bucket list or anything.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Probably Verse 2 - JJ Project because I listen to it all the time. Otherwise, Good Timing - B1A4 is probably another long time favourite.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Not really sure... my birthday is hard because it’s ten days before my Dad’s death anniversary. So I just try to do something to smile each year. Maybe go out for dinner to celebrate mine and Mum’s birthday (she’s a week exactly after my birthday)

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

I’ve been told most people think I’m shy and awkward but once I talk, they are surprised with how engaging I can be in conversation. Which makes me laugh because generally on the inside I’m panicking as I have social anxiety issues. 

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

I’m 32 but people never seem to think it. When I was at university, I was older than everyone else as an adult student but they all thought I was around 20-21 when I was 24+ hahah. 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On top of Octavia’s crate which is next to my bed. Or if I need to charge it, I leave it on my desk. I’m a very light sleeper so when my alarm goes off, it doesn’t need to be next to me to wake me up.

32. what word do you say the most?

When I’m talking - “like” (which really annoys me). When I’m writing - “but”.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

I try to believe I would date anyone regardless of age. But I’ve been known to have put an age limit of no more than 8 years older when I was feebly using dating websites. I don’t actively search for someone anymore, so if they came into my world and matched me well in a natural way, then I don’t think age would deter me. 

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

I’m a bit more carefree on this one... I think it comes from being an older kpop fan and liking on younger idols because there’s hardly any idols left that are my age/older lol. Again as above, I wouldn’t let a younger age deter me in the right setting.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Author. I’ve even done those career quizzes on multiple occasions and the first choice is always Author/Writer. 

The second choice people say is teacher. Which I was training to be until my injury. 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop. 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

I’m happy where I live. I’ve never thought of being able to live elsewhere.

38. What is your current favourite song?

White or Feeling - both by Jeong Sewoon. 

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I started it on July 2nd, 2018.

40. What are you excited for?

Uh, I’m not really excited for anything? 

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A bit of both.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Yesterday I made a new paddock up for our horses, cleaned out my guinea pig’s house, cleaned out the entire bathroom where Byul and her kittens are staying. And then last night I did Chelle Chats which was pretty busy! 

Today I’ve been pretty chill compared so far. 

43. What do you want for Christmas?

I’m not sure. I’m never good at knowing what I want. Better at knowing what to buy others.

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

In high school, it was English and Biology. In university, it was Classics/Ancient History.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

6

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

Not sure. I had an image of how I hoped to be a mother, and continuing on with my art business, but with puberty rocking our house with my sister and my finances taking a nose dive, fertility treatment is long gone sadly. I’ll just think I’ll focus on the now and improve/appreciate what I have! 

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

I’m sure this question is related to dating but for me, when I was 14 my heart broke when my Nana died. And in 2012, when my Dad was killed was when I gained another ball in my box of grief. Last year was tough losing my dog of 15.5 years too. Got three balls in that box now :( 

As for dating, sure, I’ve hurt from limited attempts to confess and being rejected... but I’ve never had real opportunity for heartbreak like that.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Lmfao. I’ll probably be single for my whole life. Marriage is so far from the cards for me, I can’t imagine it. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I wanted to be a Veterinarian or Teacher.

50. What do you crave right now?

Food cos it’s 1.34pm and I’ve not eaten yet oops.

Tagging: @this-song-thats-only-for-you @mark-tuan-and-namjoon-lover @katdefbeom @listlessmaenads @tuanyiems @peachyparkjinyoung @jinyoungmoans @ahgase55g7 @itsallabigmess and anyone else who wants to do this! 

[blissfully-queen]

Myrika, Queen Of Our Hearts ❤️

pink = dena

purple = janhe

Hi Myrika! I know you’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately and so I wanted to do something to cheer you up so I messaged J and asked her if we could collaborate on a project for you to show you how much we love and care about you. She of course said yes cause she’s a sweetie and loves you so much too!!! ❤️ We are so lucky to have someone as amazing as you as our best friend. You are an amazing, beautiful person who deserves the world and every good and pure thing in it. I hope one day I get the honor and joy of meeting you. I’m gonna give you the biggest hug I can and I’ll make sure to bring you Chick-Fil-A cause that place awesome and you’ll love it!! You’ll love it almost as much as I love you (; And this is J now! Dena called me a sweetie and she’s so lovely for asking me to do this for you. You really have good taste in friends, sis! And she told me you were in a rough time right now and she wanted to cheer you up! And I was like hECK YES. Because you deserve it, sis! You are a wonderful person who deserves every good thing in the world. I want to meet you someday so much and be able to give you a big hug. I love you so, so, so much. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. I appreciate you a lot. I’m gonna stop because I won’t have anything to say in the next part of this project lmao. Good luck with your ships, I’m sending you one in a bit and I probably had sent it already by the time you read this. Love you!

hi bby you cute thing you!! j and i wanted to do this for you to remind you of just how much we love and appreciate you. you are the most amazing friend i’ve ever had in my life and i can’t believe it’s been almost 2 years i’ve known you. i’m so jealous and sad i haven’t known you for longer but i’m so, so, so happy i met you because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you’ve been there through me through everything. making me feel safe when stuff was happening with my dad, boy problems, scary lab results, hospitals visits, anxiety attacks, boosting my confidence when i hated myself, and so much more. i still remember that one time i went to the er for chest pains in the middle of the night and you stayed up the whole time calming me down and checking in on me and didn’t go to bed until you knew i was safe and was on my way home. thank you for being there for me through the big and little problems. thank you for always being there listen and give me advice even if we know our advice to each other is so terrible. (lmho queens of bad decisions) you are the sweetest, most considerate person i know. you always try to make sure i’m okay even when you’re not. you are such a beautiful soul and i love you so freaking much.

things i love about you and being best friends with you:

~ you are so sweet

~ you’re funny and always make me laugh even when i’m in the worst of moods

~ you’re caring and supportive and loving and just have a big heart

~ you have this really beautiful and calming presence and i knew it and felt it from the second i met you

~ you always listen to my problems (mentor myrika ayyyyy)

~ your sass kills me but i love it sjsjsjsjjsjsjsjs you the sass quEEN

~ you’re creative and sis you’re such an amazing writer like wow one of these days you’re actually gonna kill me with feels i stg but like pop off girl you gonna replace jk rowling one day

~ you love vine just as much as i do if not more

~ d i s n e y & greenhouse academy

~ your taste in music is amazing and i love like every song you recommend me

~ our strange humor and the fact we can be so stupid and weird and not care

~ we rage over video games together

~ chicken nuggets

~ when i’ll bring someone up to you and you’re like “... who?” and like it makes me laugh every time

~ us roasting aiden, jon and travis

~ you were always the queen of ttr fashion shows like hello? a legend in the fashion show world wow

~ us being so confused and making fun of each others countries sjsjsjjssj

girl you’re the most amazing person i know and i have no idea what i’d do without you. you are my sunshine. you cheer me up and make me happy when i’m having a rough time. i love you. thank you for everything you’ve done for me over these past 2 years. you have no idea how much you mean to me. you’re the best. you’re loved, you’re wanted, you’re gorgeous inside and out, you’re gonna have an amazing future and do amazing things. i’m so proud of you and the person you are. i’ve seen you blossom so much and it’s amazing. i hope you’re always in my life and we stay best friends and have our own island one day and are roommates (and they were ROOMATES). i love you my wife, my life. you’re my chicken, my chica, my sister, my mentor, my cohort/partner in crime, my ride or die, my best friend.

j’s part:

Okay sis, I’m sending you Roger Taylor pics while I write you this so if I stop sending them, it’s because of this. And now I stopped bc it’s another day and it will probably look out of context so I’m sorry. And you know my english isn’t perfect and you aren’t here to edit this okay, so I maybe ask Dena to help me correcting this sorry. Dena asked me if I wanted to join to this idea of hers to remind you of the wonderful human being you are. She said you talked to her about me wHAT DID YOU SAY HFIEUHF sorry. And of course I agreed, how couldn’t I? I just wanna tell you how grateful I am because I can consider you my friend, probably my closest friend even! I never had an internet friend before, like ever. I had talked to some people before, but it never lasted. Our friendship did, thank God it did. Because you are a beautiful person, and I mean it. You are always there for me. You don’t know how many times I came from a bad day to my room, feeling like shit, until you would tell me: “Wanna write something tonight?”. I swear my face would light up! And those writing sessions always made me feel better. I felt happy again. You helped me to get through a lot, and maybe you didn’t even realise! And we’ve been friends for what? Three months? And I already feel like you’re one of my closest friends, including my irl friends! Because you deserve it, you are great. I can’t even express myself in how much I love you, how much I enjoy talking to you, how many times you made me laugh even if you couldn’t see it. I know that here on the internet, when somebody says “I love you” or “You are beautiful” you could feel like they don’t mean it actually. But I really do, I need you to know that. You are a beautiful person, who’s full of life and came to make my life a little bit brighter. Lmao I sounded so poetic there, are you proud of me? I’m so excited to be your friend and see where does this friendship takes us. And I hope we last a lot of time being friends! (wE WON’T IF YOU KEEP EXPOSING MY IRONICAL FICS ON TUMBLR OK jk I loved you exposing me <33). I really hope you know how much you are loved. You are a great girl who deserves the world and I can’t wait for us to meet each other everyday a little more. I’m so happy you found me, I’ve been blessed with your friendship. And don’t forget how good of a friend you are, how much of a great person you are, and how beautiful you are. Please don’t forget it. I love you with all my heart. PS: btw, I sounded pretty emotional a few times but I’m listening to Foreign Sand by Roger while writing this like can you blame me? (listen to it if you haven’t yet).

My list of my fav things about you, myr <333

~ Your sense of humor

~ It’s a cliché but we botH LOVE QUEEN you don’t understand how much that means to me. I can tell you how much I need a roger taylor without feeling embarrassed.

~ The fact that Misfire comes up to every conversation of ours at least once.

~ You’re such a funny person liKE I CAN’T HANDLE IT

~ The fact that you love my fics like how can you like that rubbish.

~ You always support me on writing.

~ The fact that we both agree on that Man On Fire’s video is a threat to humanity.

~ The fact that we both agree on “Deacy”.

~ You being so supportive with me in a lot of senses, not only the writing thing

~ The fact that even if we are miles away from each other and in two extremes of the world (wTF), you still get to make me smile.

~ I LAUGH EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

~ We are both sad potatoes and we can relate on each other in a lot of things.

~ You’re so kind, so nice, so compassionate. Maybe too nice. And I love you for that.

~ The fact that we had each other to scream over Rami’s winning on the Oscars like really thank God I could scream with you.

~ The fact that yOU WROTE ME A FIC WITH ROGER YOU TOOK YOUR TIME TO MAKE ME A GOOD PRESENT it’s the cutest thing someone ever gave me for my birthday, even if you didn’t have to. I read it all the time!

~ You say “I love you” a lot to me. It makes me smile every time.

I love you, you’re loved, by Dena, by me. You’re a lucky girl for having us as friends. I love you so much, you better smile at least once today, because I don’t doubt your smile must be so beautiful. And I’m so lucky for getting to know you as well <3

WE LOVE YOU,

Dena & Janhe

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26/12/2020 (LadBaby, Boris Johnson, Ed Sheeran)

It’s Boxing Day in the UK as I write this and I’m pretty tired but we still have to review those charts regardless, especially this chart as this is the Christmas chart – at least it’s being paraded around as such – and hence we have a Christmas #1. For the third year in a row, family vlogger, pseudo-comedian and amateur musician, not to be confused with DaBaby, Mark Ian Hoyle – more commonly known as “LadBaby”, has bagged the #1 for the holiday season. Every time I’ve covered the Christmas #1 it has been this guy and, yeah, I’m tired of it. At least this year he felt some stiff competition, and hey, the songs’ proceeds do go to charity. Oh, yeah, and this guy is the third act to have three Christmas #1s in a row, putting this nobody from Nottingham with a barebones Wikipedia page and a couple million YouTube subscribers on the level of the Beatles and Spice Girls. God, the UK Singles Chart never fails to amaze me. Anyway, that’s arguably not even the biggest story here so let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As I said before, this is the “Christmas week” so throughout the UK Top 75 there are a lot of holiday songs re-peaking or reaching new peaks, before dropping off entirely the next week. Let’s start as we always do by listing the drop-outs from the chart, of which there are quite a few notable ones. Most of our top 40 debuts from last week are gone, like Taylor Swift’s “champagne problems” and “no body, no crime” featuring HAIM, as well as “Show Out” by Kid Cudi, the late Pop Smoke and Skepta. We can also say goodbye to “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, finally after 54 weeks and a surprise return earlier this month, in addition to other top 10 hits like “you broke me first” by Tate McRae, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio and “What You Know Bout Love” also by Pop Smoke, as well as some more minor hits like “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur, “Golden” by Harry Styles and “Plugged in Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, but I can see almost all of these rebounding hard next week so I don’t think there’s much to worry about here. For fallers, since Christmas has really consumed everything about this chart this week, we have some big ones that’ll find themselves back in the top 10 or at least top 20 next week like “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19 (the first non-Christmas non-debut song to appear on the chart, by the way), “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix at #20, “Whoopty” by CJ at #22, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #28, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #31, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa at #35 alongside “Midnight Sky” also by Miley at #36, “willow” by Taylor Swift off the debut to #37, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #38 and “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy. We also have “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #43, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals at #45, even “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X at #49, “Mood” by 24kGoldn featuring iann dior at #54, “Loading” by Central Cee at #59, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #60, “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #64, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #66, “Dynamite” by BTS at #67, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #72, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa with the biggest fall down to #73 and finally “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix at #74. To put the dominance of holiday music on the charts in perspective, if we take the songs that are not either explicitly Christmas-related or a clear Christmas #1 campaign (i.e. LadBaby), the song at #38 would be at #10 and our #1 would be “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19. “Whoopty” by CJ, that entered the top 10 last week and dropped to #22 this week, would be at #3. There are 11 songs in the top 40 that never made an effort to take advantage of the holiday season. When we get into some of our debuts, it’ll be even clearer how big Christmas is in British pop music. Anyway, let’s skim through our gains and returning entries, most of which are Christmas or Christmas-related. For returning entries, we have the comically awful “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud at #71, last year’s scam attempt at a Christmas #1, “River” by Ellie Goulding at #69, “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #63 (which I’d appreciate more in the top 20 like it is in the US every year – this is a classic), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders at #62 (again, incredible song that deserves a higher holiday peak each year), “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love at #58, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #55, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #53 and for whatever reason, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #41. In terms of notable gains – and I stress notable, since a lot of higher-up Christmas songs had small gains but still good performance - we have “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #57, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #56, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #52, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Brett Eldredge and Meghan Trainor at #51, “Forever Young” by Becky Hill at #50 (both off of the debut), “Baby it’s Cold Outside” AGAIN by Michael Bublé and Idina Menzel at #47, “Love is a Compass” by Griff at #46, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #44, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #42, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” AGAIN by Dean Martin at #39, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #34, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #33, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #32, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #29, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms at #27, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #26, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #25, “All You’re Dreaming Of” by Liam Gallagher at #24 (thanks to a Christmas #1 campaign that crashed and failed), “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #23, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #21, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #17, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #15, and finally, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber illegitimately notching a spot in the top 10 at #8. Finally, we can get onto the new arrivals, although something about this next one tells me that we won’t be in line for anything all that good.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “I’ll be Home” – Meghan Trainor

Produced by Meghan Trainor

...for Christmas. She’ll be home for Christmas. I guess she just can’t finish sentences, even though her cover art has the full title. Anyway, this is a 2014 original Christmas song that went nowhere except Sweden. It’s not anything like the Bing Crosby and wasn’t nearly as successful, mostly because it’s a jingly, inoffensive ballad tacked onto a silly Christmas EP that also features Fifth Harmony and Fiona Apple of all people – who probably should have charted her track instead – as well as the deluxe edition of that debut record Title that nobody liked. At least in this, she’s not going for a faux-retro style, or at least one that I can find the inspiration for, and is just singing over this oddly jaunty piano melody – which sounds pretty albeit bland – as well as some swells of strings and acoustic guitar that do work sonically. The content implies that Meghan Trainor is in contact with Santa Claus personally, and that he gave her the advice to be home with her lover this Christmas and... that’s why this charted, isn’t it? Well, it’s not her fault – it’s not a “stuck with u” moment, but it is dodgy that she decided to put this on her own Christmas record that was released in October of this year, which can’t seem unintentional. I’d be lying to say this isn’t a pretty little tune from Trainor and her voice does fit this instrumental, but a jazzy rendition from someone with a deeper, smoother voice, would work wonders with the content. Oh, and that Christmas record features guest appearances from both Earth, Wind & Fire and Seth MacFarlane, as well as her dad, because, you know, sure, 2020.

#65 – “Gnat” – Eminem

Produced by d.a. got that dope

I can’t tell if I’m underestimating Christmas or overestimating Eminem when I say I expected an album bomb – or whatever that equivalent would be in the UK and our land of silly chart rules – from the deluxe edition of his pretty damn terrible album, Music to be Murdered By. This 3/10 trainwreck consists of two hours I’ll never get back of either great beats wasted by Eminem’s corny, stiff flows and painfully unlikeable delivery or obnoxious, unlistenable beats that are dated enough for Eminem to start going on his Relapse “killing women in funny accents” shtick, which was awful then and even worse now when he tries to replicate it. Marshall, you’re 48, and I know that you’re just “messing around” but if you’re going to treat the album as a cinematic masterpiece within the album and its thematic Alfred Hitchcock interludes, you have to understand that the audience will see it as that way as well, so you having fun and being painfully unfunny in the process over cutting-room-floor trap instrumentals cannot slide. At least Kamikaze had some genuine anger and dare I say some actual balls in how it tackled controversy and dissed everyone he could think of off the top of his head. The last record was angry and bitter, this one’s just tired and lazy, and that’s before we get into some of the ugliest bars, instrumentals and cadences Slim Shady’s ever put on record, which is especially present on “Gnat”, a lightweight trap banger with some acoustic guitars not dissimilar to those that would appear on a Lil Baby mixtape, complete with questionable bass mixing and really bad hooks. On the verses, he sends a death threat to Mike Pence, but on the chorus, his bars are “like COVID” because “you get them right off the bat”. I don’t know about you, but in 2020, I don’t want to hear Eminem harmonising with producer tags, making topical and insensitive pandemic references, or spitting sex bars with coughing ad-libs. Before the beat switch, his flows are some of the sloppiest and drawn-out he’s ever used, and yes, I’ll admit, that second beat is a lot better and Em kills it over that instrumental – but only for a brief moment before we have a third beat, which Eminem is pretty great over, especially with that sax and sweet piano keys overlaid with hard 808s and Eminem’s rapid-pace, quick fire flow... and then he raps the chorus again and I want the song to end as quickly as it started – thankfully, it does end rather abruptly. Just wasted potential all throughout – if that beat switch and flow was a guest verse on damn near anyone else’s record (Em has made tracks with Don Toliver of all people, and he could work), this could be great. For now, Em, you know Kris Kristofferson? I think you should Piss Pissofferson. Forever. Look that up, by the way, that’s a lyric on the record because of course it is.

#61 – “In the Bleak Midwinter” – Jamie Cullum

Produced by ???

I had only briefly heard the name “Jamie Cullum” before this, but he is an English jazz-pop singer and pianist who’s basically useless and uninteresting but, hey, at least he has a radio show on BBC Radio 2. Sure, I mean that might have been the reason that Amazon Music picked him up for an exclusive project for which this is the biggest single. It’s not on Spotify, it’s not even on Genius, and it’s barely on YouTube but since it is, I should tell you that this is his first charting single since 2009 and it’s a remarkably uninteresting rendition of a Christmas carol done a lot better by Jacob Collier – and that one’s on Spotify – so yeah, your sleepy piano arrangement and tone that makes you sound like Robbie Williams half the time and Beck the other, doesn’t interest me. Goodbye.

#30 – “Afterglow” – Ed Sheeran

Produced by PARISI, Fred Again and Ed Sheeran

If we inexplicably remove everything Christmas-related on the chart, Eminem’s “Gnat” would have debuted at #20, and this new track from Ed Sheeran, already stunted from being released on an unconventional day, would have hit #5. Regardless of chart position, Ed Sheeran’s back with his first solo single since Divide. Yes, I’m purposefully ignoring that collaborative project he put out in 2019 because as far as I know, it doesn’t exist. At the end of the year, when things are looking as if he could start touring again, Sheeran predictably releases his lead-off single. This song in particular is a heartfelt ballad from Ed to his wife, who he wishes to be there forever and even if they aren’t together at any moment, whether he’s touring or they separate for whatever reason, he’ll “hold on to the afterglow”. I won’t lie, it’s a really sweet and convincingly sold love song from Ed, even if it’s not anything new, it does feel like a different approach since he’s a newly-wed man now. Although I’m not a fan of this somewhat muddy mixing that somehow messes up just a guy and his acoustic guitar, making what should be a really pretty, ethereal and mellow track sound almost ugly, which doesn’t flatter Ed and his limited delivery at all, especially when he starts getting multi-tracked in the second verse and whooshing sound effects of strings pop up in the mix, and, yeah, it just sounds cheap and gross at this point, which is really a waste of incredible content and a great performance from Ed, who sells everything as well as he can. I understand how this is supposed to be down to Earth, so a perfect mix wouldn’t make sense, but if you’re going to make him harmonise with his own background vocals and even show signs of belting, give him some more grandiosity and go full out instead of restraining him so that it just sounds jarring. With a different mix this could be one of Ed’s best tracks since the melodies are on point, the song feels really heart-warming and sincere, especially coming from Ed to his wife, but we won’t get a remaster anytime soon, I imagine, so for now this is just pretty damn good. I love the cover art as well, painted by Ed himself, and released alongside the single as a bit of a Christmas gift to fans, as well as the start of what I’m pretty sure will be a promo cycle. If this is a good peek into what that album will sound like, it’s safe to say I’m more than excited than ever to hear from Ed Sheeran.

#5 – “Boris Johnson is a Fricking Jerk” – Kool & the Gang

Produced by ???

Okay, so the song’s calling Boris Johnson something stronger than a “fricking jerk”, and the song is decidedly not by soul legends Kool & the Gang, although I’d love for that to happen sometime. This is a family show, of course, so we have to take some liberties. This track originates from a comedian from Basildon, Essex of all places, and whilst we don’t know his name, the songwriting credit on Spotify is given to contemporary British poet Wayne Clements so maybe he’s behind this, who knows? Whether he is or not, I can tell you the history behind this comedian’s music, as he has been making crude short singles about controversial topics in British society and politics for a while, including some about Nick Clegg that charted, although never higher than #63. He retired in 2016 but after writing an autobiography, the guy’s back and he released a compilation of punk rock tracks, all of which are small and profane, with a “band” of puppets that I also can’t name. State-controlled Russian television networks – because, sure, again, it’s 2020 – say that he will start touring in 2021, mostly because he’s finally reached that mainstream audience with this family-friendly tune about Boris Johnson. Here’s how Vick Hope and Katie Thistleton introduced it live on air during the mid-week chart reveal.

Now at #19, we've got a track about Boris Johnson that has so many bad words in it, we can't play it on daytime Radio 1.

Ah, you cowards. Wait... Anyway, I’m pretty happy that the British public can stick it to Boris and the heartless Tories that follow him and currently rule the country, even if it is all a bloody stupid joke from an anonymous punk rocker. We can dig into Boris for his failures on Brexit, mishandling of the pandemic, disgraceful reality-star-esque personal life, that he wasn’t even born in the UK yet is basically a nationalist, his history of Islamophobic commentary, his crap excuses for journalism back in the 2000s or even his clown-nose, blonde bowl-cut “hair style” he adopts whilst addressing us on live television feeding us lies and misleading statements that turn into retcons the next time he has to address the nation, whether it be on Brexit or COVID-19 tiers and regulations, both of which are a confusing mess to both sides of Europe that exist to drift us away from where we should be going as a nation, and further into the realm of political party tribalism that we know absolutely does not work in the States and that we mock the Yanks for. We’re more than the sick man of Europe, we are the America of Europe. I guess you could say Ireland is our Canada, but we don’t even have a Mexico to make us look better, we just have other western, central and northern European countries that may be flawed but are far ahead of whatever the hell this shell of a union is in 2020, less than 80 years after the creation of our National Health Service. People will look to pundits and newsreaders like Piers Morgan, entertainers like Phillip Schofield, war veterans and charity-givers like Captain Tom Moore, and even politicians like Boris Johnson, as the “heroes” of Britain’s 2020 but it’s increasingly clear that absolutely no-one is a hero, and it’s the people’s right to be upset. Hence, nearly exactly a year after Boris Johnson cheated his way into power by smear campaigns and elitism, we have this song debuting at #5. Unfortunately, the song doesn’t go into any of that. It just repeats the title in an anthemic – and considerably agreeable – refrain that is an undeniable punk hook. The riffs and guitar work here isn’t of any interest, but the guy’s delivery is powerful and furious, so I’ll give the song credit: it’s not just correct but it’s really good, especially for a one minute runtime. He also released some satirical MIDI-level synth-pop remix with gross Christmas sleigh bells and hi-hat skitters, because, say it with me, it’s 2020. I wouldn’t recommend the album though, it overstays its welcome by the time you get to “Jesus Died of a Stranglewank”.

#1 – “Don’t Stop Me Eatin’” – LadBaby

Produced by who cares?

I can’t get mad at this lazy “parody” of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” about sausage rolls, or even its Ronan Keating remix, which is LadBaby doing a favour to Ronan Keating, if anything. Sure, my blood boils with the idea that this incompetent Internet personality from the East Midlands – which I think I’m sadly also able to describe myself as – got the #1 over Mariah Carey, or even that Boris Johnson diss track, but it’s going to the Trussell Trust and it’s ultimately an inoffensive, vaguely happy track that even gets the vegans involved. I, for one, prefer “Boris Johnson is a Sausage Roll”, a version of our #5 you can – and should – play on the radio even after Christmas. I don’t have anything more to say about this guy so piss off, LadBaby, you can’t even get the album cover right to the song you’re parodying, thrice in a row.

Conclusion

Best of the Week is definitely going to the Somethings for “Boris Johnson is a Something Something”, with an Honourable Mention to Ed Sheeran’s “Afterglow”. I can’t bring myself to give a charity single Worst of the Week so I’ll spare LadBaby the honour and grant it to Jamie Cullum for his greedy Amazon exclusive trite, with a Dishonourable Mention for “Gnat” by Eminem, for just being wasted potential all across the board. Next week, everything Christmas-related will be gone and we’ll get a bunch of returns and hopefully some new, interesting returning entries. We might even get the impact of Playboi Carti’s long-anticipated album – and I hope so because it’s fantastic – but that’s wishful thinking. Anyways, I hope everyone had a happy holiday season. Here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading. You can follow me @cactusinthebank for more rambling about pop music and occasionally politics, and I’ll see you next year.

[worthlesspride]

About Me As A Writer

Tagged by @foxyena. This is ridiculously long, so I’m tucking it away under the cut.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

It’s pretty much obvious for anyone in the fandom. The Ushijima/Oikawa scene after the Seijoh match gives me feelings. Oikawa’s devotion to his team in general gives me feelings. My ao3 username (Deathbelle) is the name of a flower from Skyrim. At the time I thought it sounded edgy.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

Seijoh, Inc. has the most kudos and bookmarks. What You Came For has the most subscriptions, and Protect and Serve (an old SNK fic) ha the most hits.

 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s the cutest Iwaizumi, the same icon I use here. I chose it because I love him.

 4. Do you have any regular/favorite commentors?

I most certainly do. I made a post about it recently, but there are several fantastic individuals that leave comments on a lot of my stuff and I absolutely adore each of them.

 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I have read the Four’s a Party series by plumtrees more often that I’d care to admit. I also recently reread The Best I Ever Had by FindingSchmomo and it was still as lovely and painful as the first time. Also, I’ve read Red Feather by @chosenofkagami at least four times because it is one of my favorite things. 

 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I have 108 bookmarks and 37 subscriptions.

 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Police AU. Every single time I write one I say I’m done, and then I inevitably start on another one. I have a semishira one that will be posted soon. Even though I swore I wasn’t going to write it.

 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

2196 bookmarks total. Uhh, I don’t know if it wants user subscriptions or total subscriptions? But those are 199 and 1117, respectively.

 9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeing brave? If so, share it!)

Not particularly? I usually write what I want. Posting that tensemi yakuza thing with the blood kink made me a little anxious but it seemed to be okay. No one threw anything at me.

 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to be better at everything, please and thank you. In particular, expanding my imagery and metaphors. I feel like I recycle the same ones too often. Also I need to relearn how to write non-m|m relationships. 

 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Most of my ships are popular ones. Some of them are semi-rarepairs, maybe? Does Tensemi count as a rarepair?

 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

I’m up to 28.

 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I don’t want to go count because I’m actively trying not to think about some of them, but probably about ten.

 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I mostly keep them in my head until I have a fairly good idea of what I’m going to write. Then I might make notes here and there so I don’t forget anything important. I mostly just wing it as I go along.

 15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Nope. Honestly I don’t know how that would even work, like… don’t the writing styles interfere with each other? Do the writers take turns writing sentences or paragraphs or something? I don’t really understand the concept.

 16. How did you discover AO3?

I don’t remember, but I’m sure it was a dark and gloomy night that doomed me for the rest of my life.

 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

I’m definitely not famous. I don’t think I’m all that popular either? My fics get more attention than I ever thought they would, which I’m grateful for, but I don’t think that makes me popular.

 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Umm… no?

 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I only recently started talking to anyone in the fandom, so I don’t think anyone ever had to encourage me to write. It was just something I’ve always done.

 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Keep writing. Even if you hate it and you think your stuff sucks, keep pushing through it. The more you write, the less you’re going to feel that way about it, and the better you’ll get. I went a solid year without writing anything at all because I hit a rough patch and hated everything I produced. If I hadn’t missed that year, I could’ve been so much better right now. Don’t give up on yourself.

 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I usually have a vague idea of where I’m going, and a few scenes mapped out really clearly in my head, but for the most part I just wing it and hope everything ends up fitting together.

 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I had a few not-so-nice comments on some of my old SNK stuff (which I was upset about at the time, but looking back, I completely understand why those people said what they did, and I don’t disagree with them). I’ve never gotten a bad one from the Haikyuu fandom. It’s a good community.

 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc…)

I used to have the worst time writing smut, and though I feel I’ve improved, I still have a hard time with it on occasion. Especially when I have a clear mental image of how I want it to be and it just refuses to flow.

 24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Uhh. The iwaoi part of the Mall AU, a Bokuroo camboy AU that is 90% smut and taking forever, a Motorcyle Gang AU for Avery because he wants me to be miserable, and my Secret Santa fic that I’m not at liberty to discuss but will hopefully turn out okay.

 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I don’t really plan out anything. Sometimes ideas just happen and I run with them.

 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Ha. No. I don’t get to write on days that I work. It basically comes down to cramming as much writing time into my weekends as I can manage.

 27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Exponentially. My early stuff is painful to read. I was so young, so unskilled, so embarrassing.

 28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

This is the worst question. I’m going to have to settle for a three-way tie with You Make It Sound So Easy To Be Alive, What You Came For, and The Loyalty of a Traitor.

 29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

In regards to fandom, my old SNK stuff. And that YOI oneshot, I can’t even bring myself to read it. 

 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully with at least one original work published, if I can get my shit together and spend a little more time on my own stuff instead of stoking my undying devotion to Haikyuu.

 31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

...there’s supposed to be something easy about it?

 32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Pouring your literal soul into something without the guarantee that it will ever be liked or appreciated by anyone other than yourself. Also the sense of vulnerability, because even if it’s unintentional, someone’s writing always says a great deal about them as a person. 

 33. Why do you write?

I almost gave a half-assed answer for this, but honestly, writing is the one thing that makes me feel somewhat accomplished. It’s been my coping mechanism through some of the harder times in my life, and it genuinely makes me happy.

I’m not sure who to tag, because it took me so long to do this that most of my writer friends have probably done it already. If you haven’t, please do so! I’d love to read your answers.