#that could have probably been done in like 25-30 min if we rushed it

[permanentreverie]

While I'm so interested in what they're doing in the pachinko show, I also freak out whenever it differentiates from the book

[seatosomert]

The World Is Waiting for you...

Lockdown has finally lifted in the UK. As of the 19th July, all restrictions on movement within England and Social distancing rules were relaxed and instead became 'Advisory and Optional'.

It's a reprieve after a long 15 months of very impactive restrictions upon our freedom of movement.

I'm not going to go into whether or not i think the lockdown measures were enough, or too much. This is an artistic and adventure blog.

Yet, I will say that it feels great to be able to move around again without restriction.

I live in West Yorkshire and I'm pretty central for travelling by train, Aeroplane and car to get anywhere in the UK or overseas.

I have no desire right now to travel overseas, until the rest of the world has chance to reach a level playing field on the vaccine front.

So, for the remainder of this year and possibly 2022 also, I have set the goal of exploring the UK and discovering the many places I have probably taken for granted.

I've been to our first National park, the Peak District on several Occasions now. It reminds me of a mini Lake District in some ways. Beautiful rolling hills and rocky outcrops and crags, littered with streams and water falls here and there offer walking, hiking and in somme cases, climbing within an area easily accessible by car, bike or on foot.

I've previously explored Kinder Scout, Bleaklow Hill and Mam Tor so far and I am still expanding this catalogue.

Of these places I have visited, my favourite so far is Mam Tor and the Great Ridge.

Mam Tor is only 517m (1619ft) elevation, yet the walk up from the National Trust car park at the foot of the hill is a short but steep and energetic walk up to the top.

The 360 degree panoramic views from the top out towards Edale Valley and in the opposite direction, the lovely little town of Castleton are amazing.

So a few days ago, after a pretty busy day, my Wife and i decided to jump in the car one hot sunny evening and head there to take in a sunset and get some head clearing hiking done.

We packed a small bag each with some food, water and a brew kit for a proper cup of tea, and braved the M1 motorway rush hour traffic.

In just 1 hour and 20 minutes were were there. It was about 6.30 pm and the 30 degree heat of the day had dropped to a slightly more sensible 25 degrees, so we headed up Mam Tor to find a spot to eat and get set up with my camera and tripod in order to grab some shots of the sunset.

Mam Tor was the busiest I'd seen it. Small groups and couples alike and fell runners adorned the hillside and The Great Ridge. The air was almost still, which is unusual as every other time I have been there has always been a breeze and at times, strong winds.

It was incredibly peaceful despite the 50+ people who were on the hill, apparently awaiting the sunset as they poised with mobile phones and one or two 'Proper', cameras in hand.

I'd taken the Fujifilm with me on this occasion, with some Cokin graduated ND filters and a tripod. I travelled fairly light and took just one lens, the awesome 18-55mm XF lens. The best kit lens I have ever used of any brand by far.

We hiked up Mam Tor and further on along the ridge to Back Tor, where i fired off a few shots towards Kinder Scout and Jcobs Ladder. We then grabbed a quick bite to eat and enjoyed the view and warm sunlight bathing our skin.

I'd already checked the sunset times and i wanted to be back on the summit of Mam Tor for 30 mins before sunset to catch the amazing light from the last 30 mins of golden hour.

We overshot on time having temporarily lost ourselves in the gorgeous sun, scenery and our chatting about how much we loved this area and that it may well be our favourite spot in the UK so far.

Sunset was at 2103hrs that day and it was 2010hrs, so i left the camera on the tripod, threw my back pack on and popped the camera and tripod, with filter system attached over my shoulder and marched on up the hill on a speed march of sorts.

25-30 minutes later I'd reached the summit of Mam Tor again and i was able to set up the camera in seconds and got on with shooting the most of the shots you see here.

if anyone is interested, my wife shot the images of me working the scene on her Google Pixel 4 mobile phone.

After around 20-30 minutes of shooting the sun disappeared behind some low cloud on the horizon just above Jacob's Ladder, so we never got to see the anticipated light show i expected.

I still managed to get some shots I am pleased with however.

We then headed back off down the hill and back to the car, where en-route i grabbed another couple of shots from the ascent ridge that leads up from the road behind the National Trust Car park. I was drawn to the winding road that meandered through the valley landscape, which i said to my wife, reminded me of a panned out driving scene from a Top Gear episode.

A short time later we were back at the car where i rustled up an Adventure Foods pasta bolognese (which was very tasty i might add) and a freshly made cup of tea for the both of us.

We arrived home just after 11pm and we'd had a great time.

The last thing i want to say is that when i thought of the idea to pop to Mam Tor that evening, I almost talked myself out of it. I was telling myself that the traffic would be too busy, that we'd arrive back really late when we had an early start the next morning, asking myself also, could i be arsed carrying all my camera gear and food, water etc? The fact is, it was a great evening that was not only a great creative opportunity, but also deeply satisfying and mentally healing.

Don't let your head sabotage what the heart wants to do. Just get out there and do it.

Don't just think that you'd like to do this and that and then keep putting it off. Just keep it simple and get on with it.

Thanks for clicking onto this post and i hope you found it of interest and most of all, I hope it inspires you to be a bit more spontaneous, because we all have that little voice in our heads that tries to talk us out of these little mini adventures. Remember...The World is waiting for you.

Please like if you do and share with your mates and fellow photogs and adventurers.

All the best and i will see you all soon with another post.

[teenwriterforall]

Up In The Stars Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Captain McJerkpants

If the Cooper mansion looked like a palace from outside, then the interiors were heavenly. How rich would someone have to be to live in such a place? There was a pool, which the stream emptied into. At least a dozen rooms, two living rooms, a HUMONGOUS library (I could get lost in that place forever), 3 kitchens and that's just one side. I swear, these people won't need to think twice before buying the state of Rhode Island, and still have more money than your average family.

"Oh, wow." I said looking around, while Em went to find her mom. Will stayed with me, putting the groceries on the little coffee table, in the sitting area outside the main living room.

"So, Amanda, right?" He said smirking, well aware that he was saying the wrong name.

"It's Allison." I said, obviously frustrated.

"Okay Efforia."

"Its Allison."

"Of course, Efforia, that's what I said. Plus, isn't it too late for ugly people like you to be out?"

He said leaning across the wall. I know what he meant. Everything about me screamed socially awkward. I was in PJs, a sweatshirt and bunny slippers. People like me aren't supposed to be out after 9 o' clock apparently. I mentally scoffed at this idiotic stereotype. What is wrong with 'people' these days?

"Uh uh, too bad you can't photoshop your ugly personality."

Did I overreact? Probably. But the look on his face? Priceless.

" You speak a lot Efforia." He said, finally regaining his composure. He was smirking, but his eyes were confused, as if debating on why I wasn't ready to start shouting "All Hail William!" by now.

"Why so confused bro? Put her heart on fire yet?" Em came back, half disgusted and half amused at her brother. "Ignore him, he is Captain  McJerkpants. " She said sneering at her brother.

I looked at Mrs.Cooper at the back, and it was clearly visible where Em got her good looks from. She must be at least forty or fifty, but in all honesty, did not look a day elder than 25. Radiant, glowing skin and warm grey eyes. Emma looked like a little version of her mother, except Emma's hair were red and Mrs.Cooper's were brown like her son.

"Ah, you must be Allison from the Rivera household. Good evening dear."

Yup, that's me, weird Allison Mrs. Cooper. Sorry to bother you but my mum has run away somewhere and I am not even sure if she has actually spoken to you about my dinner but I am here like a beggar.

Of course I didn't say that to her face.

"Good evening Mrs. Cooper. I hope my mum has spoken to you-"

She waved a hand in front of me. What's with this family and their obsession of cutting me when I'm  in between of my sentences?

"Please don't call me Mrs. Cooper. It makes me feel old, and trust me, I feel old enough. Margaret would do just fine, though I really prefer Meg. And yes, your mom did talk to me. Nice lady." I scoffed at that. "There you go, there is soup, broth, rice and some pie for dessert. Hope you like it. Which school are you planning on attending?"

I looked at the lunchbox in her hand. So, my mom hadn't actually expected dad to show up.

"Thanks a lot Meg. I will be attending Woodland Heights."

"That's great. Maybe you and Emma can walk together tomorrow."

Emma shot me a sad smile." I would love to mom and Allie. Unfortunately, Dylan would be picking me tomorrow. He needed to discuss a few things."

I shook my head to convey that its okay and that she should go ahead, she looked at me gratefully and exited the room. I bowed politely to Meg and turned to leave.

"Wait Allison dear. William will walk you back. Its too late for you to go alone."

Yay, me. Note the sarcasm.

"No way." Meg gave him a glare, so he groaned and came forward to escort me. Someone teach this guy a few manners.

We walked awkwardly to my house. I mentally began to curse the 5 minute long route. If we had been normal neighbours, it would be right next door and this person won't have to accompany me.

"That's a nice outfit to go out in."

"You're a nincompoop, you know that?"

"Nincompoop?!" He said laughing. Actually laughing without that ridiculous smirk. "That's a low blow man." I rolled my eyes at him. How was it possible for someone to be that annoying?

"You're Noddy."

"Noddy? Like that cartoon character? Huh, no."

"Yes, genius, but it is also a synonym for jerk."

"Whatever nerd, but you will always be Efforia."

"What does that even mean?"

He shrugged and ran, and I ran after him breathlessly. I will admit it, I am not very good at running. This Noddy. I laughed internally at this nickname I had made for this idiot running in front of me.

"Ew, shouldn't have had done that, you have sweat now." I flushed embarrassed and cleaned my face of sweat. I turned towards my house, debating on whether to thank him or not. I decided in the affirmative, but when turned, he was already gone. Jerk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I groaned as I heard a knock at my window. Hold on a second, my window?

I turned to look at the time. 7:30 am. Oh, crap I am going to be late on my very first day. Last night, after having dinner I had gone to bed, not bothering to wait for dad. I must have overslept or something. I rushed to get ready. Within 5 mins, I was out of the bathroom changed into jeans and a hoodie. Great outfit, right? I didn't care, it was comfy. I snuggled myself in the oversized hoodie, and rushed to get some milk which I warmed. I wasn't in the mood for coffee so decided to drink it as it is. I went upstairs to grab my bag, when the window seemed to knock again. Exasperated, and a little scared, okay a lot scared, I went and opened it. That's when I see jerk looking at me with a glint in his eyes and stones in his hand. He was pelting at my house with stones at 7:45 in the morning. Great, school hasn't started yet and I have already got my very own personal bully.

"What do you want Noddy?!" I yelled at him.

"Gotta walk you to school Efforia!!"

Jesus, when is that man going to get it into his head that my name is not Efforia?

"What makes you think you can walk me?"

"Do you know the path to the school intelligent?"

Noddy's got a point.

Begrudgingly, I went down. My fate seems to be against me.

Who am I kidding? It always was.

                                                                                     *

Hello Readers!

A good lengthy update.(Okay, maybe not that lengthy) Above you would have had seen the picture of the kind of place I imagine Emma and Will living in. The first two chapters are kind of fillers, an introduction to the main characters and their personalities. The actual story would start from the third chapter. I hope you liked reading this though. Sorry if it was boring. Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to my friend Uddeshya, the original Captain McJerkpants (haha, he is really nice though).

I will try daily updating. :)

Peace out!

~Yours, Author

[osomatsu-san-quotes]

Time to get to know me a little more, don't have to read, just something 4 fun

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My mom-

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Not really anyone-

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends. If work then no, if just hanging out then I think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

‘‘I like’‘ friend: probably. ‘‘I like’‘ crush: no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

outgoing ppl and that just like memes and gaming. Don't know really

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my older, middle brother

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

little bit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mom

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

‘‘Ah, ok.’‘

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Kenshi Yonezu songs. (Nighthawks, Lemon, Eine Kleine, Loser, BNHA Intro 2/Peace sign)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah but I have hair that is greasy 24/7. So the person would probably be grossed out before they touch it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Ye

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer sucks so badly- but I guess…..I- don't know actually

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Never kissed someone before

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Nah

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope, I told him and after years of being good/best friends we stopped talking

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbors?

don't have them. Or I just never talk to them

21. What are your bad habits?

This is kinda embarrassing but thumb sucking. like a baby. Also, nail biting

22. Where would you like to travel?

Japan or China

23. Do you have trust issues?

yeah.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sitting behind my computer

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My face

26. What do you do when you wake up?

think about life and lay there for 30 mins

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. I'm a marshmallow now

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My older youngest brother

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Ye, surprisingly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Probably yes

31. If your hair long enough for a ponytail?

I think it has to say ‘‘Is’‘, so yeah, it is

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Interesting question- I don't keep in touch with the new celebrities so idk.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oh god- Ill just use my nickname ppl know me as, not my real one:

RfdIkVERf     -  River

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I have a worse condition than a snail

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv. Don't watch it. Also, you have youtube

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Once.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Likes gaming, horror, memes, and is overall a nice guy to talk to

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Outside? You want me dead?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Probably go into game design

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they have done

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I'm being myself

43. Do you smile at strangers?

If I try to smile I look like I am disappointed in them or angry

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Remembering I have youtube vids to watch and I have books to read

46. What are you paranoid about?

the things I don't know

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yeah. So I ain't going to tell it

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

Purple. I am wearing it rn

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, constantly

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My face

53. Favorite makeup brand?

I don't do makeup

54. Favorite store?

Don't go to stores

55. Favorite blog?

Can't think of anything on the top of my head. Too many

56. Favorite color?

Purple or black

57. Favorite food?

Broccoli or something unhealthy like hamburgers

58. Last thing you ate?

McDonald's

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Worstenbroodjes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah. Won a playback competition in 4th grade of elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Once. I yelled back at my teacher

62. Been arrested? For what?

I'm too much of a pussy to do something to get myself arrested

63. Ever been in love?

Of course

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Mk. It all started when I was a baby and my mom kissed me on the head

65. Are you hungry right now?

Just ate

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Don't have Tumblr friends, (Or real friends)

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope

70. Names of your best friends?

Don’t have them

71. Craving something? What?

A drink

72. What color are your towels?

blue, blue, black, white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

around 5

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

over 100 probably

75. Favorite animal?

Bears or cats

76. What color is your underwear?

Night sky dark blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

Purple hoodie

80. What color pants?

dark grey sweatpants

81. Favorite tv show?

Tanked

82. Favorite movie?

UhHHhh Osomatsu san the movie probably, not sure yet.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen both but I think I like Mean Girls from what I've seen and heard

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

Never seen it

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

random, but Dory

87. The first person, you talked to today?

My older middle brother

88. The last person, you talked to today?

Mom

89. Name a person you hate?

To many

90. Name a person you love?

my family

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

100% 24/7 yes

92. In a fight with someone?

Have been.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

around 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

9

95. Last movie you watched?

Detective Pikachu

96. Favorite actress?

don't have one

97. Favorite actor?

don't have one

98. Do you tan a lot?

No

99. Have any pets?

ye

100. How are you feeling?

could be better, could be worse

101. Do you type fast?

ye

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

of course, I do

103. Can you spell well?

Depends if I'm rushing: not

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Ye

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Mhm

108. What should you be doing?

Getting ready to go to bed

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Nada

111. Do you have trust issues?

Isn't this question asked before?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Mom

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, for once

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never tried it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Kinda

119. Favorite book?

Warrior Cats

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Pretty spoopy shit

121. Are you mean?

I dunno

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Waste of time when they are going to be dirty again by the next day

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Never thought of it.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Probably not

126. Are you currently bored?

YEah

127. What makes you happy?

Spending time with myself

128. Would you change your name?

Mhm

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Never tried it

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Think about life and what to do

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

This has been asked before

133. Favorite lyrics right now?

‘‘Write a story of a hero!’‘ - Peace sign

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah but I ain't gonna try rn 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

A lot, hard to pick one

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open

137. How tall are you?

around 5′9

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favorite month?

October & December

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Neither

146. Was today a good day?

Yeah

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favorite quote?

‘‘Eh’‘ -points to sweater- ‘‘ ‘Not my problem‘ ‘‘

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Kinda??

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

don't have a book next to me

Wow if you are here holy shit- ty??

-Mod Nekomatsu

[sigmalied]

Sig’s Anthem Review

Verdict

BioWare’s Anthem is a genuinely fun and engaging experience that sabotages itself with myriad design, balance, and technical oversights and issues. It is a delicious cake that has been prematurely removed from the developmental oven - full of potential but unfit for general consumption in this wobbly state. Anthem is not a messianic addition to the limited pantheon of looter shooters because it has somehow failed to learn from the well-publicized mistakes of its predecessors. 

Am I having fun playing Anthem? Absolutely. Does it deserve the industry’s lukewarm scores? Absolutely. But this is something of a special case. The live service model giveth and taketh away; we receive flexibility in exchange for certainty. Is Anthem going to be the same game six months from now? Its core DNA will always be the same, but we’ve already begun to see swift improvements that bode well for the future. 

Will my opinion matter to you? It depends. When I first got into looter shooters I was shocked at how much the genre clicked with me. They are a wonderful playground for theory crafters, min/maxers, and mathletes like myself who find incomparable joy in optimizing builds both conventional and experimental by pushing the limits of obtainable resources ad infinitum. The end game grind is long and at times challenging as you make the jump to Grandmaster 1+ difficulty in search of top-tier loot to perfect your build. This is what looter shooters are all about.

If you don’t like the sound of that, you’ll probably drop Anthem right after finishing its campaign. But if you do like the sound of that, you might find yourself playing this game for years.

TL;DR: This game is serious fun, but is also in need of some serious Game & UI Design 101. 

I wrote a lot more about individual aspects of the game beneath the read more, if you’re interested. I’ve decided not to give the game a score, I’m just here to discuss it after playing through the campaign and spending a few days grinding elder game activities. There are no spoilers here.

Gameplay

The Javelins are delightful. I’ve played all four of them extensively and despite identifying as a Colossus main I cannot definitively attach myself to one class of Javelin because they’re all so uniquely fun to play and master. Best of all, they’re miraculously balanced. I’ve been able to hold my own with every Javelin in Grandmaster 1+. Of course, some Javelins are harder to get the hang of than others. Storms don’t face the steep learning curve Interceptors do, but placed in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing, both are equally as destructive on the battlefield. 

I love the combo system. It is viscerally satisfying to trigger a combo, hearing that sound effect ring, and seeing your enemy’s health bar melt. Gunplay finally gets fun and interesting when you start obtaining Masterworks, and from there, it’s like playing a whole new game. 

Mission objectives are fairly bland and repetitive, but the gameplay is so fun I don’t even mind. Collect this, find that, go here, whatever. I get to fly around and blow up enemies while doing it, and that’s what matters. Objectives could be better, certainly. Interesting objectives are vital in game design because they disguise the core repetitive gameplay loop as something fresh, but the loop on its own stays fresh long enough to break even, I feel.

The best part is build flexibility. Want to be a sniper build cutting boss health bars in half with one shot? I’ve seen it. Want to be a near-immortal Colossus wrecking ball who heals every time you mow down an enemy? You can. There are so many possibilities here. Every day I come across a new crazy idea someone’s come up with. This is an excellent game for build crafters. 

But... why in the world are there so few cosmetic choices? A single armor set for each Javelin outside the Vanity store? A core component of looter shooters has always been endgame fashion, and on this front, BioWare barely delivers and only evades the worst criticism by providing quality Javelin customization in the way of coloring, materials, and keeping power level and aesthetics divorced. We’re being drip-fed through the Vanity store, and while I like the Vanity store’s model, there should have been more things permanently available for purchase through the Forge. Everyone looks the same out there! Where’s the variety? 

Story, Characters, World

Anyone expecting a looter shooter like Anthem to feature a Mass Effect or Dragon Age -sized epic is out of their mind, but that doesn’t mean we have to judge the storytelling in a vacuum. This is BioWare after all. Even a campaign that flows more like a short story - as is the case with Anthem - should aspire to the quality of previous games from the studio. Unfortunately, it does not, but it comes close by merit of narrative ambience: the characters, the world’s lore, and their execution. 

(For a long time I’ve had a theory that world building is what made the original Mass Effect great, not its critical storyline, which was basically a Star Trek movie at best. Fans fell in love because there were interesting people to talk to, complicated politics to grasp, and moral decisions to make along the way.)

While the main storyline of Anthem is lackluster and makes one roll their eyes at certain moments or bad lines, the world is immediately intriguing. Within Fort Tarsis, sophisticated technology is readily available while society simultaneously feels antiquated, echoing a temporal purgatory consistent with the Anthem’s ability to alter space-time. Outside the fort, massive pieces of ancient machinery are embedded within dense jungles in a way that suggests the mechanical predates nature itself. The theme of sound is everywhere. Silencing relics, cyphers hearing the Anthem, delivering echoes to giant subwoofers… It’s a fun world, it really is. 

As for the characters… they might be some of the best from BioWare. They feel like real people. Rarely are they caricatures of one defining trait, but people with complex motives and emotions. Some conversations were boring, but the vast majority of the time I found myself racing off to talk to NPCs as soon as I saw yellow speech bubbles on the map after a mission. And don’t even get me started on the performances. They are golden.

The biggest issue with the story is that it’s not well integrated with missions. At times it feels like you’re playing two separate games: Fort Tarsis Walking/Talking Simulator and Anthem Looter Shooter. And the sole threads keeping these halves stitched together during missions - radio chatter - takes a back seat if you’re playing with randoms who rush ahead and cause dialogue to skip, or with friends who won’t shut the hell up so you can listen or read subtitles without distraction. I found it ironic that I soloed most of the critical story missions in a game that heavily encourages team play.

Technical Aspects: UI & Design 

This is where Anthem has some major problems. God, this category alone is probably what gained the ire of most reviewers. The UI is terrible and confusing. There are extra menu tabs where they aren’t needed. The placement of Settings is for some inane reason not located under the Options button (PS4). Excuse me? It’s so difficult to navigate and find what you’re looking for. It’s ridiculously unintuitive.  

Weapon inscriptions (stat bonuses) are vague and I’ve even seen double negatives once or twice. They come off as though no one bothered to proofread or edit anything for clarity. Just a bad job here all around. And to make matters worse, there is no character stat sheet to help us demystify any of the bizarre stat descriptions. We are currently using goddamn spreadsheets like animals. Just awful. 

The list goes on. No waypoints in Freeplay. Countless crashes, rubber banding, audio cutouts, player characters being invisible in vital cutscenes, tethering warnings completely obscuring the flight overheat meter… Fucking yikes. Wading through this swamp of bugs and poor design has been grueling to say the least. 

And now for the loot issues. Dead inscriptions on gear; and by dead I mean dead, as in “this pistol does +25% shotgun damage” dead (this has been recently patched but I still cannot believe this sort of thing made it to release). The entire concept of the Luck stat (chance to drop higher quality loot) resulting in Luck builds who drop like flies in combat and become a burden for the rest of the team. Diminishing returns in Grandmaster 2 and 3; it takes so long to clear missions on these difficulties without significant loot improvement, making GM2 and GM3 pointless when you could be grinding GM1 missions twice as fast. 

At level 30, any loot quality below Epic is literal trash. Delete Commons, Uncommons, and most Rares as soon as you get them because they’re virtually useless. I have hundreds of Common and Uncommon embers and nothing to do with them. Why can’t we convert 5 embers into 1 of the next higher tier? Other looters have already done things like this to make progression omnipresent. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here, BioWare. It’s already been done for you. 

When you get a good roll on loot, the satisfaction is immense. But when you don’t, and you won’t 95% of the time, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted hours with nothing to show for it. We shouldn’t be spending so much time hunting for useful things, we should be trying to perfect what’s already useful.

It’s just baffling to think that Anthem had the luxury of watching the messy release of several other looter shooters during Anthem’s development, yet proceed to make the same mistakes, and some even worse. 

Nothing needs to be said about visuals. They are stunning, even from my perspective on a base PS4.

Sound design is the only other redeeming subcategory here. Sound design is amazing, like the OST. Traditional instrumentals meet alien synth seamlessly. Sarah Schachner is a seriously talented composer. 

I’m just relieved to see the development team hauling ass to make adjustments. They’ve really been on top of it - the speed and transparency of fixes has been top-notch. They’re even working on free DLC already! A new region, more performances from the actors... I’m excited and hopeful for the future. 

[chrysaliseuro2019]

The Road to Nowhere

Next day we had no need to rush. We had our wheels and also breakfast so a leisurely start. A good sleep also needed after the disrupted one of arrival night. We headed off around 11.30. The bike roared into action and fully helmeted we were pretty upbeat about this new mode of transport. It was taking the years off us. A few jerks and jolts but getting the hang and it was a beautiful day. We headed off to the same end of the island we went to the previous night but this time in search of the more secluded beaches only accessible if you have transport.

View was magnificent everywhere as the road is high up overlooking the sea at times in both directions of the island which is pretty narrow and only about 10 kms long. We had a beach in mind and the navigator spotted a sign to it down a track which was wideish but certainly off road. No prob this bike can handle most things and the 4WD up our sleeve if needed. Pretty soon the track started to narrow the rubble turned to rocks and the little stone wall on either side got uncomfortably close. We were also on a fairly steep incline. Nervous words were exchanged, a sense of déjà vu crept in (another blind alley? - it’s happened again! - could this navigator get lost in a one way street?) Of course these were unexpressed thoughts (by me) and we decided we had to go back the way we came.

This was easier said than done. We had reached a slightly wider little spot but it was not much more than bike width and we were pointing downwards - lets say at 25-30 degrees. Needed to back up a bit and try and do a 180. I hit reverse and the wheels spun as we inched backwards before the bike stalled. And, of course, couldn’t get it going again after several tries. Took it out of reverse into neutral and various other ploys. All 3 brakes on. Hmmm. What now, stuck on a track about 100 metres from the main road but 3-4 kms to nearest town and stinking hot. We tried calling bike HQ but phone reception not good. Then we made contact and they said they would come to the rescue. yeh!

Liz walked back up the track to stand by the main road and wave to the rescuers as it was difficult to describe where we were (eg look for a track about 3kms after town). She stood in the shadow of an old truck which was handy and after a while started to wonder if people driving by were mistaking her purpose. In some European countries ladies of the night (and day) will stand on the open road touting for custom. We mused what the passing drivers might have thought - “what the heck’s going on in that household”. Anyway no one stopped and no sympathetic 5 euro notes flew out of any windows.

Meanwhile I was reading the small print on the hire agreement we had signed. It indicated that if you took the bike down stony tracks and had a prob you could be up for a 130 euro payment. This was a bit odd because they pretty much encourage you to do just that by talking up the 4WD and saying you will have no prob getting to this beach or that off road. But anyway didn’t fancy forking that out.

After 30 mins or so the very friendly guy with his mate from the hire company rolled up, put us at great ease and said no prob we would rather you called us out, it will be easily fixed. They also advised that what we had taken was a walking track. The correct turning was about 200 metres further on.

Of course they started the bike up straight away. Apparently, though looking like it was in neutral, it was stuck in reverse as that’s where it had stalled. Also though all brakes on, one had to be physically held while starting the bike. They whizzed a bit further down the track did a Uey with consummate ease and handed us the bike back. All parties were pleased. We got out of of a pickle and certainly they did the Uey which made life a lot easier and I think they preferred that also as the track was pretty steep and we might have had a prob. No additional charge by the way.

We happily set off again as they waved us goodbye and found the correct turning for our beach which initially at least was a sealed road. So close. (Dis)Honours were probably even. The navigator (who is pretty good at keeping us on the right route the vast majority of the time interspersed by the odd seismic detour) had led us down the road to nowhere though fought a rearguard action that I had agreed to this route. I couldn’t start the bike up but I reckon she was providing advice on possibilities also. So relieved were we though to get out of this schmozzle with relative ease that point scoring and recriminations were put aside (for once). At least to this point (mostly).

The beach we found was small, pleasant and secluded. We did not have a beach umbrella so sat on towels and it really wasn’t too hot. A couple of guys sitting beside us who sounded German though spoke mostly in English were probably up for a chat but we never quite got that going (though were to later). Water was lovely. A really nice cove and we spent perhaps an hour and a half there. Needed lunch and headed back to the nearest town. Found a great little taverna up on the hill with view out to sea and had stuffed peppers with crusty bread for lunch. Bliss.

Back on the bike and we headed for a different beach. Again off sealed road. The road, though steep and gravelly, was pretty good and the bike had no problem handling it. This beach was quite attractive though things had heated up being mid afternoon and we sat under some trees in an area that wasn’t quite as picturesque. Still nice way to wile away the arvo.

The bike had to be back at 7.00pm so around 5.30 we got back on retraced our steps up hill and down and determined to go to the other end of the island where the port and several beaches were. A possibility that we would visit them by bus the following day. The beaches that we could get to were fine but probably not better than the first one we had been to today. Apparently the best beach had to be accessed by boat. Final run around on the bike and it was great. A real sense of freedom and fun to drive. The hire team ran us back to our hotel which was handy so we didn’t have to climb the hill.

Dinner that night was quite late by the time we had showered and fossicked around. We sat down around 9.45 and weren’t eating till gone 10.00pm. Liz had stuffed eggplant which she really enjoyed and I somewhat rashly went for the beef stifado. A tender casserole accompanied by roast potatoes Greek style so soft and cooked in the stew. Absolutely fantastic dish but it did sit pretty heavily that night. We saw the same waiter the next day who asked me about it and said they normally eat that around 4.00pm to allow it to settle. Still it was great.

Walking home around 11.30pm we bumped into the two guys from the beach. Turns out one was German and the other Greek. They lived in Oslo and seemed to be partners. Both very dry and amusing particularly the Greek guy who had us in fits describing their visit to Australia which they really loved. He mused about the dangerous animals everywhere you go. “Why are you trying to kill your visitors?” -spiders, dingoes (they had been to Fraser Island), snakes, crocodiles or sharks they even got a shock when they saw the size of the flying foxes. Apparently a huntsman spider had taken residence above their doorway somewhere and they used to look up to see if it was still there and then run through the door. This was all delivered in showman style and he was very engaging. We headed off home chuckling away.

Another eventful day. As my old boss used to say you wouldn’t be dead for quids.

[fatathlon]

Race Report: Greater Nashua Sprint Triathlon

My first triathlon of 2019 was a sprint distance race held in southern New Hampshire, called the Greater Nashua Sprint Triathlon. I settled on this race in particular after several months of research, trying to find a race that was both within driving distance and lined up with my training schedule for my 70.3 race. I didn’t know anything about it other than what I found on the website and Facebook page, but it was the 10th annual running of the event, so it seemed likely to be a well-organized race.

Pre-Race

An added bonus to this race was that my wife’s parents and brother live just an hour away from the race location, so we were all able to stay with them and combine it into a family visit. It’s a huge benefit to race day preparations to be in a comfortable location with family before an event, so I’m grateful we were able to have that opportunity. I went to bed at the same time as my kids, and actually managed to sleep through most of the night. I only woke up once, at about 3 AM, and then drifted in and out until about 5, when I got up.

Breakfast was my customary bowl of oatmeal flavored with maple syrup with a coffee. While I had the syrup out, I took the opportunity to fill my gel bottle. I still wasn’t sure if I would even use fuel during the race, because it was so short, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to have it along.

Breakfast

Race Fuel

Nice morning view

I had everything pretty much ready to go the night before, so all I had to do in the morning was load my bike, put my transition bag in the car, and head out. The drive was uneventful. As I got close to Nashua, I started to see more and more cars carrying bikes. It wasn’t long before I saw a fully decked out Quintana Roo on the back of a pickup. Welcome to New Hampshire.

Parking was an absolute nightmare. There was a lot designated for racers, which was the entire area around a local school, but it was already packed to the gills by the time I arrived. I ended up having to park underneath a swing set. I checked the air in my tires at my car, put my transition bag on my bag and rode to the transition area.

Transition was pretty well organized, with everyone having a marked spot on the racks. Once again my bike was too tall to fit very well on the rack. The saddle was too high to easily get it under the bar, and then there wasn’t enough of a hang to keep it on there securely. Not much I could do about it, so I set up my transition stuff and went to get body-marked, check out the transition routes, and wander down to the water.

My transition setup. My rear wheel is basically on the ground.

There were about 15 minutes of announcements before the race, which felt like they took forever. I tried to keep my arms moving, doing some arm circles and such, but mostly just stood around feeling my springs coil. Finally, they started calling waves. Everyone had an assigned wave number, and when your wave was called, you went down to a dock area to check-in and queue up for the start.

Swim

This was my first race wearing a wetsuit. It was also my first race with a wave start. It cheated everyone out of some time, because the timing mat was on the dock and the waves treaded water for a minute or two before actually starting. But at least everyone lost the same amount of time, so it didn’t really matter.

I put some water on the back of my neck just before jumping in, but it felt like a warm bath. I was prepared for a cold shock when stepped off the dock, but it was just balmy. I grabbed the start line rope and floated until the starter gave us the go signal, then I was off.

One of the first waves heading out

Almost immediately, I felt like something was wrong. I wasn’t more than 30 seconds into it and I felt absolutely awful. I thought I might be getting sick. Was I even moving? I couldn’t really tell. My line was way off, too, and I kept veering to the right. I tried to focus on my technique and things got a little better. I decided that whatever I was feeling, it wasn’t getting any worse, so I would just push through it. I had done enough swim training to know that I wouldn’t suddenly drown or anything, especially while wearing a buoyant wetsuit. The worst case was that my arm strength would just give out, and it hadn’t yet. So there was no reason to stop. On I went.

About halfway through the loop, I started catching some people. I have no idea if they were in my wave or the wave before mine, or possibly the wave after mine, having gotten ahead of me at the start. I didn’t try to swim over anyone but I didn’t really seem them coming, either, so some contact was inevitable.

I hadn’t set a goal time for the swim, but from experience I expected something between 10-15 minutes in the back of my mind. When I finally stood up to exit, it felt like it had been twice that, but I figured realistically it was maybe 12 minutes.

I looked at my watch and saw an 8. Suddenly things made a little more sense. I had been going faster — much faster — than I thought. No wonder I felt like my chest was going to explode.

Official Swim Time: 8:49 (.3 mi) – 1:41/100 yd 7/32 in age group; 34/414 overall

T1

T1 sent us up a sandy path through the woods to the grassy area where the bikes were. There were wetsuit strippers waiting for us, which was awesome. I pulled my wetsuit down below my waist, slid into home on the tarp, and my suit was popped off before I even knew what was happening. I thanked the volunteers and headed to my bike.

About to get stripped

I had toyed a bit with leaving my shoes on my bike with rubber bands, but ultimately couldn’t really figure out how to do it so it worked properly, and I was worried about the rubber bands getting caught in my gears, so I decided to just put my shoes on in transition, run the bike out, and clip in. I certainly wasn’t going to try a flying mount, so this was a reasonable option for me. At the last second I grabbed my maple syrup bottle and slid it into my tri suit pocket.

Official T1 time: 3:13 – 91/414 overall

Bike

The bike route was very short, and very flat. I’d only done three previous races before this one, but this was the shortest and flattest by far. I had been doing a lot of mental gymnastics about the bike leg in the days leading up to the race, debating my approach. Overall, I wanted this race to be something of a practice session for my 70.3 — transition logistics, using a wetsuit, etc. I thought about also extending that to pacing, to practice the mental and emotional control required to slow myself down at the start of the bike leg so that I would be able to hold the right pace throughout, and then have enough left over for the run. But as soon as I was clipped in, that decision was made. It was go time.

Because I didn’t have any pacing or power targets, I ended up watching my heart rate most of all while out on the course, followed by my speed. My heart rate was shockingly high compared to the levels I was used to seeing during my training, which is predominantly spent in zone 2. But I knew that wasn’t necessarily a problem. The race was short enough that I could work at or above threshold for the whole thing. They call it a sprint for a reason, after all.

The other fun thing about a sprint is that passing someone on the bike leg is usually permanent. In a longer race, it can often be just the first of two meetings, the second of which being when they come back and smoke you on the run. But in a sprint, they are more likely to run out of road if you go full throttle on the bike. Since it was a wave start, I knew that passing people was not an entirely accurate representation of my place in the field. But it was motivating anyway. So I reeled in as many people as I could, and made sure that nobody passed me. The best part was passing those $6,000 tri bikes on my gravel bike with regular old drop bars.

As it turned out, I was glad to have my maple syrup on board. I took a couple hits, one partway through and one just before T2. It felt helpful, and made me realize that I would probably need more fuel than I had been thinking during my longer race in July.

The bike course covered, I had a clean dismount just at the line, and ran my bike in to the transition area again.

Official Bike Time: 25:45 (9.6 mi) – 22.4/mph 4/32 in age group; 18/414 overall

T2

T2 was my slowest performance on the day, relative to the field. I didn’t deliberately go slow, but I wasn’t rushing, either. I’m pretty particular about how my shoe lace-up feels, and that combined with the socks I use (which are not super easy to get on) probably accounted for my slow time. But I made it out on the run with everything I needed and feeling pretty good, so I wasn’t too worried about blitzing through T2.

Official time: 1:51 – 313/414 overall

Run

I expected to be running fast out of transition, having experienced that phenomenon before. Adrenaline is high and you are excited to just get going, and before you know it you’re running way faster than you expected. I checked my watch after a couple hundred yards and saw I was running close to 7:30 min/mi, which is very fast for me. For reference, I ran all of my sprints last year at around 9:00 min/mi. My first reaction was to feel like I needed to back off, slow down and find a more conservative pace, but then I remembered it was only 3.1 miles. I was able to hold a strong pace through the swim and bike, why not the run? Might as well go for it, and see how long I could hold it before I slowed down. The worst case was that my pace would slow for the back half of the race, but I knew I would finish no matter what. Go time continued.

I focused on my cadence through most of the run, trying to keep the rhythm even and high. That seems to be my key to running fast (such that “fast” is, for me), when I need to. If I think about ‘running fast,’ it’s harder to do, but if I just focus on my cadence, it’s easier for some reason.

The run was also a very flat course, with only a couple slight inclines, when my pace dipped closer to 8:00 min/mi. I was able to hold my cadence pretty well throughout. Two or three people passed me, including a 60+ year old woman and a kid, wearing the race t-shirt. Sigh. But overall I held my pace and I felt strong throughout.

By the time the last half-mile came around, I was starting to feel it, particularly in my hips and my abdominals. I was definitely on the edge, pushing to maintain the pace. There wasn’t much of anything left for a late surge, all I could do was hold what I had through the chute and over the finish line.

Official Run Time: 24:19 (3.1 mi) – 7:50/mi 11/32 in age group; 65/414 overall

Overall Results: Time: 1:03:55 5/32 in age group; 34/219 by gender; 36/414 overall

Post Race & Summary

The race venue had a lot of activities for kids, which was great for when my family arrived. There were at least three bouncy houses, plus a clown making balloon animals, and kid-friendly food. The food was great, and there was tons of it, all of it free as far as I could tell, at least for racers. It wasn’t just bananas and bagels, there was an entire sandwich buffet, flatbread pizza, Italian ice, all kinds of things. The only real negatives for me about the race organization and venue were parking and the lack of a professional race photographer (there were only official volunteers, who took substandard photos and whose coverage was incomplete). Otherwise, it was a well-organized and fun race on a decent course.

As far as my performance goes, I came away a little surprised and with a lot to think about. I had definitely underestimated my potential in the water and on the run. I really didn’t have any idea that I could swim or run that fast over any distance. Almost immediately, I started thinking ahead to July, and trying to sort out what that means for my 70.3. Obviously I won’t be racing at these speeds at that distance. But my personal bar has been raised, there’s no getting around that. Now I have the task of handling that knowledge without it infiltrating my head in a negative way. Expectations for a race are not usually helpful.

I tried to examine whether I could have gone any faster, any harder, improved in any area in order to jump to the 1st-3rd place podium from my 5th place spot. I would have had to be about 6 mins faster to do that. Certainly I was maxed on the swim. I don’t think I was at maximum capacity on the bike, but I was fairly close. The run didn’t have a whole lot of room to give, either. When I look at the actual times between 5th (me) and 3rd, here’s what I find:

PlaceSwimT1BikeT2RunTotal3rd8:202:2525:390:3521:0958:065th (me)8:493:1325:561:5124:191:03:55Difference:0:290:480:171:163:105:49

Clearly the majority of time lost was on the run. That isn’t surprising to me, since I’ve never been a fast runner. But I’m encouraged, because I’m way faster than I used to be. The next biggest deficit was T2, followed relatively closely by T1. The differences on the swim and the bike combined could be easily surmounted by improving just my transitions alone. Or I could have pushed a bit harder on the climbs (such as they were) on the bike and probably wiped out a lot of that time. But most of the improvement work to be done is clearly in my run.

Is this a microcosm of what I can expect at longer distance? It will be interesting to see how the ratios play out there. I’d also be interested in comparing these relative results to my results from last year’s sprints. That is, how much slower — relative to the field — was I in transition vs. the bike leg, or run leg. Maybe that will be a good subject for a future post. You can’t compare races 1:1, but I think you can get a sense of how the relative balance of everything plays out, and what that means for your skill set and fitness level. If nothing else, it’s an interesting diversion.

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[the-confused-student]

I have not logged onto this blog for a terribly long time..

Hello! I have not forgotten about this blog its just as of late I have had nothing to post. Im not like everyone else in this community who still does work despite the end of exams. I have no reason to continue to work since next year's topics have no connection with the first year of sixth form. Ill give a little update on what has been going on lately though.

I dont think I have talked about this but my communication studies paper 2 was probably the worst exam I did. I honestly hated that subject and thay has probably caused me to do so badly. I had 0 motivation with that subject.. even thoigh there wasn't really much to study as that paper has nothing to do with our syllabus its weird. That together with the fact my teacher hasnt given anything practice essays so they could correct and guide us and then they were on sick leave. We got a new teacher and that messed up everything. We were all over the place. For this subject you have to do something called a school based assessment/internal assessment. It composes of a written part (introduction to your topic.. mine was cosmetic surgery, a preface on your reflective piece, a reflective piece.. I chose short story, and an analysis of your reflective piece discussing the aspects of communication in your piece) and an oral part. I did excellent in my written part. I actually got full marks. For my oral part.. I knew my speech really great but my form teacher.. said something about a deceased teacher who I was very close to ans it caused me to break down. I got 9/16 in my oral presentation. Now for my written exam. I dont want to blame the teachers really because I chose to neglect this subject. I wasnt expecting it to give me so many problems since I was previously a Literature Student but boy. I think my hatred for this topic overcame me. We have 3 essays for each module. My module 1 essay was quite fine. But I took too long on it. We have 2 hrs and 30 mins to do this exam. I spent about 54 minutes on this essay. Instead of my ideal 40. My module 2 essay was horrendous. They asked us about dialectal variation when really and truly you could obly see two aspects of it instead of the 3 you needed. I bluffed my way through using the narrator as they spoke in Standard English. For one of my questions I misread "contempt" as "content" and I thus answered it wrong but I still stated some things that should give me marks. For our communicative behaviours.. I also hardly found any. For my module 3 essay.. I only had about 25-30 minites left and I had to rush. We had to make a proposal on encouraging Volunteer work within the school and.. I don't like thinking about this essay because we had 0 pointers on writing this up as it is not to be written in normal essay format. My sub teacher simply said "do it like a business proposal" ahh..

After this exam I had my biology paper 2 exam. This was much better. But we still had ridiculous questions (i answered everything though and I marked myself.. I had a good set of marks). They gave us a 10 mark question on mRNA transcription. Anyone who has done that should know the process isnt even that long for it to be worth so many marks. Granted we had to draw. But I couldnt see where the marks came from?? There were other things on the paper that bothered me but I did it aince May 18th so I cant remember all.

After these were just paper 1s which are multiple choice. I did really good in these especially since I did past papers and they bring back alot of questions. The order of best to worst though I think it would be Chemistry, Environmental Science, Biology and Communication Studies. Also we are given 1hr and 30 mins to finish these papers. I finished them in 25-40 minutes. Our exam board allows us to leave after the first 30 minutes but my school does not permit us to leave until times up. So essentially I sat in an exam room for a very painful hour doing nothing. This is terrible because it leads you to check over alot and change answers(I did this to one of my answers and now I will be getting it wrong.. sigh)

My chemistry multiple choice was my first one. I had a two week break between my first amd second multiple choice. This was really bad because I instantly went into vacation mode amd lost all motivation to study.. I managed to do my past papers though so no need to study.

I did my last exam as of yesterday 10:30 am. It was my biology paper 1. I felt so happy.

I was doing a 1500+ celebration but as no one really noticed it I decided not to bother. So that post was deleted in case any of you were confused.

Annnnnnnndddd thats it. I have been seriously considering doing a results reaction.. maybe liveblogging it? I definitely would not be showing my face.. I dont know if Ill even talk about my results because Im scared to see them. They are coming back im August and I think thats when A levels and gcses come out too? As I said before our education system is based on the British's. I wonder who would be doing reactions to their results? Let me know because I love to see them!

If I happen to do good in my exams, Ill definitely talk about what I did during my first year of sixth form. Actually maybe regardless I can talk about my first year of sixth form if any of you are interested.

[formerlyjannafaye]

100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha! 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me! 

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

[parniarazi]

what the universe has taught me about living my best life

I haven’t written on this blog in months, as I’ve been caught up with school, work, and travels. I have been meditating and writing in my journal instead though, a habit I’m proud of and definitely want to continue. I also want to share some things here, especially as I’ll have a bit more free time to write and channel my creativity throughout the summer. I can honestly say, the past year has been the happiest and most amazing year of my life. I turned 20 last October, fearful but excited to end my teen years and embrace adulthood. Moving out of my small hometown, expanding way past my comfort zone, traveling, and falling in love have all changed my life for the better. There’s some points in particular I wanted to draw on, about ways I have cultivated more love and mindfulness everyday, and in return significantly improved the quality of my life. I apologize in advance if some of this is cheesy, just hear it out and give it a chance though! 

☽ Appreciate each phase and live in the moment. If there is one thing the moon has taught me, it’s that things change everyday, the phases will continue and she will go through her cycles. She has taught me to be present, rooted in the moment, in where I am and who I am right now. I’ve always been a dreamer, always thinking about what’s next, where I’d rather be, who I’d rather be. I remember in high school, I was honestly pretty miserable most of the time because all I thought about was being somewhere and someone else. In reality though, when I look back on my life in high school, it was actually really great. I have many good memories and stories, I just didn’t appreciate it enough at the time. Instead, I wallowed in my own misery for literally no reason. Each phase will end, whether you want it to or not. Soon, I’ll be done with college and enter a new phase in my life, and I’m glad I’ve grown up to be more appreciative, more present, and more in love with myself and my life now. Appreciate and be present in whatever phase you’re in now, because it will be gone and different tomorrow. 

☽ Play. Growing up doesn’t mean losing that childhood innocence, your sense of adventure, or your playfulness. If anything, you’ll need your child-like energy more and more the older you get. For a while, I took adulthood way too seriously. I have the blessing of working with kids, and they remind me everyday to laugh and not take things too seriously. Many of my friends, as well as myself, have experienced crippling anxiety throughout our teenage years, because life is fucking hard and scary. Sometimes you need to walk barefoot in the grass, roll down a hill, blow bubbles, watch cartoons, eat candy, and imagine you’re a mermaid. Getting into the rave scene and culture are one of the main things that have also reminded me of this. It’s amazing to see all kinds of people, grown ups from the real world, gather wearing shiny, silly clothes, and glitter to dance and vibe together. We need things like this to remind us life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time, and to allow us to judge less and love more. Remembering this and embracing that innocent, playful energy will unlock so much creativity, compassion, and imagination you have within you. 

☽ Life is full of paradoxes. My favorite one is that life is short, but it’s also so long. You’re here now, and you don’t know if you will be tomorrow, so live a life you’re proud of and leave a mark on the world and the people around you. Be exactly who you want to be remembered as. At the same time, it’s important to remember that there is no rush. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will get to places better than what you even imagined. Take it slow. There’s this cultural attitude of needing to finish school and get a job as soon as possible to be happy and successful. As real as this is, it’s also bullshit because there’s so much more to us than that. Why rush into getting a 9-5 job when you’ll have until you retire to work and make money? You’re told to get AP credits, take more classes, and you’re praised if you graduate early. But for what? Take a gap year if you need it, take less classes if you’re overwhelmed. Take your time because there’s no reason to chase material things and undermine the quality of your learning and the quality of your life. I’ll probably be 25-30 before I finish my degrees, but it’s okay because there are endless opportunities for learning, making money, and growing in a real and authentic way until then. 

☽ Move your body everyday. Something as simple as going on a walk in the morning or doing 20 mins of yoga can improve your life and make you feel better. From insomnia, to depression and anxiety, to physical pain/chronic illness, I’ve seen movement and exercise change lives for the better. We all know exercise releases endorphins, which can boost your mood, help reduce physical pain, even boost your memory and focus. Our culture is obsessed with aesthetics, and working out can suck if you don’t feel great about your body. It’s easy to compare yourself to insta fitness models or experienced yogis, but everything is a process, you have to start somewhere and you have to start with a goal of just feeling healthier and happier. For the longest time I just did ab workouts and squats because I wanted a certain body, but I realized eating food I liked, and doing a simple and easy yoga routine some days felt better than forcing myself to workout and eat healthy. Throw away the scale, don’t count calories or protein, don’t look for physical changes. Move your body in a way that feels good, eat whatever you’re craving, take care of yourself from a place of love and authenticity, and you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel on a regular basis. Plus, the gains and strength will come along, too. I’m still working on this as well, but swimming, doing yoga, and going to the gym have helped me feel stronger, sleep better, and have less back pain from my scoliosis.

☽ Go outside. You came from the earth, and to the earth you will return. Feel the sun on your skin, the cool water on your feet, the rocks and sand through your fingers. Connecting with nature, not only by physically being outside more, but also eating more naturally, has beautiful effects that are hard to even describe. The earth has everything we could need as humans, she gives abundantly and has the power to heal us. As humans, we need to spend time with nature, the man-made society and structures we live within can sustain us, but we will never be able to connect, be as conscious, or be whole without returning to our roots. I like to have plants, sage, palo santo, and crystals in my room so I can have more connectivity to earth even when I’m indoors. The relaxing, euphoric effects from spending time outside and in nature cannot be felt or imitated with anything else. It is so grounding and uplifting at the same time, and connecting to the earth is definitely on of the main things that has improved my life. Also travel. See as much of the earth as possible. It will teach you things that nothing else can. 

☽ Meditate. Write. Listen to music. Read books. Expand yourself through multiple avenues by trying new things. I never thought I’d be into crystals or meditating or any of this spiritual shit, but instead of judging myself or others, I just decided to give it a few tries. Meditating is amazing because in a world where our brains and eyes are constantly being given information, fed images, and told what to think, it can be so hard to even hear your own thoughts and feelings over all the noise. We also live in a ‘productivity’ culture, so taking a few minutes out of your day to simply sit with yourself and breathe can be so necessary and useful. Meditating reduces my anxiety, makes me a better person to be around, and helps me deal with situations and make decisions from a place of clarity. It also helps me feel closer to myself, so I trust myself and my decisions more and overthink less. Journaling and writing has the same affect. I like to make gratitude lists in my journal, and manifest goals by writing them out after I meditate. This can seem really out there, but meditating and journaling can make some serious shit happen in your life. You’ll be amazed at the calm it brings you and when things you manifest become reality...whoa. Music and reading are also extremely elevating. I could write a whole other post on those two things alone and the incredible benefits they’ve brought into my life. Listen to an artist or genre different from what you usually listen to. Read a book you normally wouldn’t, just for fun. It’s incredible how much these simple acts of stepping outside your norms will allow you to expand and grow.

☽ Cannabis and psychedelics. If you’ve read this far, that’s amazing and why I’ve saved this fun point for last! I started smoking weed in high school, like many people, and I fell in love right away because I felt how it helped me relax, reduce anxiety, and sleep better. But it wasn’t until the past several months that I really began embracing cannabis as my medicine. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had chronic back pain and anxiety, and nothing has helped me more than cannabis. It has also helped me gain weight (I was underweight for many years), so I am much healthier and happier now. Weed makes me a better person to be around and it has improved the quality of my life so much. Thankfully, it is becoming more and more acceptable in our country/culture, I even had the exciting experience of buying from a dispensary recently. It really bothers me when people think of weed as a ‘dangerous drug,’ because it is the most amazing, healing plant medicine. I’ve also had a few acid trips and tried Molly in the past year, and psychedelics did and still do intimidate me, but they are so powerful. Tripping isn’t going to make you ‘find yourself,’ but it can be a really useful tool in your journey for expanding your consciousness, your creativity, and allowing you to feel more love and openness. Cannabis and psychedelics help me shed my outer layer, one of anxiety, judgement, shyness, and normativities. Instead, allowing my mind to elevate and be open to love, new perspectives, and a deeper connection to the world around me. I truly believe if used properly, these things can have immense benefits and improve lives. 

I’m no expert in wellness or healing, I just wanted to throw out some mindsets and activities in particular that have helped improve my life immensely. I’m on my journey, just like everyone else, learning and growing everyday. I am so grateful for the woman I am blossoming into, and I never even imagined being able to feel as much love and joy as I do. I hope you were able to take something away from these points, and if anyone would like more specific suggestions, from books to yoga to music, please let me know! 

[unclescurvy]

2021 NFL MOCK DRAFT - 7 ROUNDS/FINAL

April 29, 2021

 ROUND ONE

1. Jacksonville – QB Trevor Lawrence, Clemson

The distance between Trevor Lawrence and the rest of this field is vast. We haven’t seen such an obvious #1 overall pick since Andrew Luck.

 2. NY Jets – QB Zach Wilson, BYU

With the trade of Sam Darnold, the Jets are ready to start anew with Zach Wilson, a man possessed with rare gifts that need to be honed before he’ll be an effective pro.

 3. San Francisco (FROM MIA THRU HOU) - QB Mac Jones, Alabama

The Niners sent 2 picks this year and future first-rounders to move up here – and it’s clearly because they’re comfortable taking one of the guys they consider to be this year’s 3 top quarterbacks.  He might not start immediately, but Jones is the future in San Fran. The question is: do the Niners send Garoppolo back home to New England?

 4. Atlanta - TE Kyle Pitts, Florida

I know it’s fashionable to have the first four picks go QB-QB-QB-QB, but I’m bucking the trend here. Atlanta opts to roll with Ryan for one more year as they swing for the fences with Kyle Pitts. I’m not I’ve ever seen a tight end drafted this high, but he’s really more of a matchup-nightmare slot receiver.

 5. Cincinnati – OT Penei Sewell, Oregon *

Joe Burrow badly needs protection, and this year’s best left tackle prospect falls to them.  Sewell has a little growing up to do before he becomes a legit pro, but he’s got elite tools for the position and his college career was practically without blemish.

 6. Miami (FROM PHI) - WR Ja’Marr Chase, Missouri

As Adam Schefter tweeted, “Dolphins now have basically turned their former LT Laremy Tunsil who they traded to Houston into four first-round picks and a third-round pick.”  If Miami wins a Super Bowl in the next 3 years, these maneuvers will be legendary. And they might not be done! Plenty of teams will want to get ahead of Detroit for the remaining QBs. But here, the Dolphins get exactly what they needed: the best WR coming out this year.

 7. Detroit - QB Justin Fields, Ohio State

The Lions can’t possibly be sold on Jared Goff as their unchallenged starter. He can certainly serve as a very, very expensive bridge QB to Justin Fields… but it probably won’t take a whole year for Detroit to turn to Fields as their QB of the future.

 8. Washington (PROJ. TRADE W/CAR) - QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State

With the acquisition of Sam Darnold from the Jets, Carolina won’t use this pick for a QB anymore. Washington head coach Ron Rivera uses his old Panthers connections to secure the #8 pick to snag Trey Lance.  Dan Snyder may never learn.

 9. Denver - CB Patrick Surtain II, Alabama

The Broncos used to have amazing depth at the cornerback position. No longer. It’s time to build that defense back up. With the additions of Surtain plus Kyle Fuller and Ron Darby, a weakness becomes perhaps the strongest group in the league.

 10. Dallas - LB Micah Parsons, Penn State

Dallas just misses out on their dream pick: Pat Surtain. They consider trade offers but instead look to replace Sean Lee (and perhaps eventually Leighton Vander Esch, who has fallen out of favor).

 11. Minnesota (PROJ TRADE W/NYG) - OT Rashawn Slater, Northwestern

The Vikings package picks (1st and 3rd) to grab a potential great one at left tackle. They’ve got one more year to try to protect Kirk Cousins and convince themselves he was worth the investment.  They’ll need to get ahead of Philadelphia to secure Slater.

 12. Philadelphia (FROM SF THRU MIA) – WR Jaylen Waddle, Alabama +

The Eagles keep acquiring wide receivers, and none of them seem to deliver the reliability they need. If Waddle can come back 100% healed from his 2020 injury, he could be the one they’ve been waiting for. Jalen Hurts should be happy to have Waddle in town.

 13. LA Chargers - WR DeVonta Smith, Alabama

With Mike Williams heading into his contract year, the team prepares for life without his services. DeVonta Smith is smaller than ideal, but that’s just about the only knock on him. The Chargers will wait until the next round to take their left tackle; it’s a deep position this year.

 14. NY Giants (PROJ TRADE W/MIN) - DE Jaelan Phillips, Miami + *

The Giants move back a few spots and still secure help for their pass rush.  Phillips had a great 2020. He’s got an injury history and immaturity issues to deal with, but the Giants think his upside is worth the risk.

 15. Las Vegas (PROJ. TRADE W/NE) - CB Jaycee Horn, South Carolina

The Patriots have a tradition of trading down in the first round, so this is not a surprise. They want to get back the 3rd round selection the NFL stripped from them, and that’s what they receive from Las Vegas. The Raiders have to move ahead of Arizona to select the speedy corner Jaycee Horn.

 16. Arizona - RB Najee Harris, Alabama

The Cardinals were really hoping Jaycee Horn fell to them. They fill a different hole in their roster with the selection of Najee Harris, just what this offense needs to get them to the next level.

 17. New England (PROJ. TRADE W/LV) - DE Kwity Paye, Michigan

New England drops back a few spots, picks up a 3rd rounder, and takes the guy they were targeting all along. Kwity Paye is apparently an inspiring leader in the locker room; he’ll be wearing a “C” on his chest in no time.  He’s also a hell of a lineman.

 18. Miami - OLB/DE Azeez Ojulari, Georgia

The Dolphins went offense with pick #1 in this round; they’ll address the defensive pass rush here. Ojulari can play outside linebacker in any scheme, and Brian Flores will love that versatility.

 19. Carolina (PROJ. TRADE W/WAS) - G/OT Alijah Vera-Tucker, USC

The Panthers move down quite a bit and still land the best interior lineman of 2021. Ali will likely upgrade one of the guard spots immediately – or he could serve as an essential swing lineman at 4 positions as a rookie with a bright future. Carolina gets from Washington picks 19, 51, 82 and a 1st in 2022.

 20. New Orleans (PROJ TRADE W/CHI) - CB Caleb Farley, Virginia Tech +

New Orleans tried to get even higher – to select Pat Surtain or Jaycee Horn.  Instead they settle for Caleb Farley, the last of the blue-chip corner prospects this year. His medical concerns can be overlooked. The Bears get picks 28, 98 and 105.

 21. Indianapolis - OT Christian Darrisaw, Virginia Tech +

With the retirement of Anthony Castonzo, the Colts superb offensive line got a lot weaker. They’ll need Darrisaw’s help to protect a risk-taker like Carson Wentz. His recently-reported groin injury may make him a draft-day slide though.

 22. Tennessee – OLB/DE Jayson Oweh, Penn State

The Titans signed Bud Dupree to play across from Harold Landry, but bringing in a developmental prospect like Oweh is too tantalizing to pass up. His low college production is a huge question mark, but his measurables make him worth the risk here.

 23. NY Jets (THRU SEA) - RB Travis Etienne, Clemson

The Jets can go in all sorts of directions here. They need damn near every position. But Etienne is too tantalizing to pass up. He showed at his pro day that his heavy workload in college didn’t slow him down at all. He’s got elite speed for the position, and the Jets need that burst and receiving ability if they want to get out of the gutter.

 24. Pittsburgh - OT/G Jalen Mayfield, Michigan

The gaping holes along the Steelers’ once-vaunted offensive line are going to be hard to patch up quickly. Mayfield has his detractors, but he’s clearly the best remaining left tackle prospect.

 25. Jacksonville (THRU LAR) - LB Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah, Notre Dame

He’s a bit on the small side but Owusu-Koramoah is explosive with above-average instincts. Jacksonville should be taking the best-available from here on out; they need just about every position.

 26. Cleveland - LB Zaven Collins, Tulsa

Cleveland is more than ready to take the next step, but they’ve been getting by on sub-standard linebacking talent. Time to address that crew with a monster in the middle.

 27. Baltimore - WR Rashod Bateman, Minnesota

The Ravens never seem to hit paydirt with their many, many attempts to draft a star wide receiver. They’ll try again with Bateman. His famously wide catch radius will help Lamar Jackson as he’s on the move.

 28. Chicago (PROJ TRADE W/NO) - DT Christian Barmore, Alabama

The Bears pick up two third-rounders in their deal with New Orleans. They land the best interior defensive lineman coming out this year. Barmore might not have eye-popping numbers in college, but he’s another Daron Payne in the making.

 29. Green Bay - CB Greg Newsome II, Northwestern

Kevin King was retained, but he had a few really rough outings in 2020. Jaire Alexander is one of the best corners in the league, but the team could use some help while he’s on an island.

 30. Philadelphia (PROJ TRADE W/BUF) - CB Tyson Campbell, Georgia

Philadelphia doesn’t want to come away from the first day without a quality corner. They see Newsome come off the board and feel they have to trade back into the bottom of the first round to get their guy. Campbell has amazing catch-up speed – no one is getting by this guy.  The Eagles give up picks 37, 84 and WR J.J. Arcega-Whiteside).

 31. Baltimore (FROM KC) – DE Greg Rousseau, Miami

The Ravens can take a risk on Rousseau’s upside. It’s been a while since he played a meaningful game – and he looked quite average at his Pro Day – so there are legit questions about Rousseau’s ability. But when he was starting for the Hurricanes, he looked like a top-ten pick.

 32. Tampa Bay - LB Jamin Davis, Kentucky

The Bucs have no pressing immediate needs on their team. None! All they need to do is build for the future. Lavonte David is on the back-end of his career, so Jamin Davis could be an interesting addition here. Davis could perhaps challenge for a starting spot immediately, but he’s more likely going to be part of a rotation to keep Lavonte’s legs fresh and prolong his career a bit.

 ROUND TWO

33. Jacksonville – CB Asante Samuel, Jr., Florida State

34. NY Jets – WR Kadarius Toney, Florida

35. Atlanta – S Trevon Moehrig, TCU

36. Miami (FROM HOU) – RB Javonte Williams, North Carolina

37. Buffalo (PROJ TRADE W/PHI) – DE Carlos Basham, Jr., Wake Forest

38. Cincinnati – WR Rondale Moore, Purdue

39. Carolina – S Jevon Holland, Oregon

40. Denver – G/C Landon Dickerson, Alabama +

41. Detroit – WR Elijah Moore, Ole Miss

42. NY Giants – LB Jabril Cox, LSU

43. San Francisco – G Wyatt Davis, Ohio State

44. Dallas – OT/G Teven Jenkins, Oklahoma State

45. Jacksonville (FROM MIN) – DE Joe Tryon, Washington

46. New England – WR Terrace Marshall, Jr., LSU +

47. LA Chargers – OT Jackson Carman, Clemson

48. Las Vegas – C/G Creed Humphrey, Oklahoma

49. Arizona – CB Kelvin Joseph, Kentucky

50. Miami – DT Levi Onwuzurike, Washington

51. Carolina (PROJ. TRADE W/WAS) – DE/LB Joseph Ossai, Texas

52. Chicago – QB Kellen Mond, Texas A&M

53. Tennessee – DT Daviyon Nixon, Iowa

54. Indianapolis – DE/OLB Ronnie Perkins, Oklahoma *

55. Pittsburgh – G/C Quinn Meinerz, Wisconsin-Whitewater

56. Seattle – OT/G Alex Leatherwood, Alabama

57. LA Rams – LB Nick Bolton, Missouri

58. Kansas City (FROM BAL) – CB Paulson Adebo, Stanford

59. Cleveland – LB Dylan Moses, Alabama +

60. New Orleans – S Richie Grant, UCF

61. Buffalo – TE Pat Freiermuth, Penn State +

62. Green Bay – LB Baron Browning, Ohio State

63. Kansas City – LB Derrick Barnes, Purdue

64. Tampa Bay - QB Davis Mills, Stanford

 ROUND THREE

65. Jacksonville – LB Pete Werner, Ohio State

66. NY Jets – LB Chris Rumph II, Duke

67. Houston – WR Tutu Atwell, Louisville

68. Atlanta – DT Jay Tufele, Utah

69. Cincinnati – RB Michael Carter, North Carolina

70. Philadelphia – OT Dillon Radunz, North Dakota State

71. Denver – DT Jaylen Twyman, Pittsburgh

72. Detroit – CB Shaun Wade, Ohio State

73. Carolina – DE Payton Turner, Houston

74. Washington (FROM SF) – OT Samuel Cosmi, Texas

75. Dallas – DT Alim McNeill, NC State

76. NY Giants – CB Marco Wilson, Florida

               New England forfeited

77. LA Chargers – G Trey Smith, Tennessee

78. NY Giants (PROJ. TRADE W/MIN) – WR Dyami Brown, North Carolina

79. New England (PROJ. TRADE W/LV FROM ARZ) – CB/S Elijah Molden, Washington

80. Las Vegas - DT Marvin Wilson, Florida State

81. Miami – CB Aaron Robinson, UCF

82. Washington – CB Eric Stokes, Georgia

83. Chicago – OT Liam Eichenberg, Penn State

84. Buffalo (PROJ TRADE W/PHI FROM IND) – DT Osa Odighizuwa, UCLA

85. Tennessee – WR Nico Collins, Michigan

86. NY Jets (FROM SEA) – DE Rashad Weaver, Pittsburgh

87. Pittsburgh – DE/OLB Dayo Odeyingbo, Vanderbilt +

88. LA Rams – OT Walker Little, Stanford +

89. Cleveland – C Josh Myers, Ohio State

90. Minnesota (FROM BAL) – QB Kyle Trask, Florida

91. Cleveland (FROM NO) – CB Ifeatu Melifonwu, Syracuse

92. Green Bay – WR D’Wayne Eskridge, Western Michigan

93. Buffalo – CB Thomas Graham, Jr., Oregon

94. Baltimore (FROM KC) – DE Patrick Jones II, Pittsburgh

95. Tampa Bay – RB Kenneth Gainwell, Memphis

96. New England – OT James Hudson, Cincinnati

97. LA Chargers – LB Shaka Toney, Penn State

98. Chicago (PROJ TRADE W/NO) – WR Simi Fehoko, Stanford

99. Dallas – S Caden Sterns, Texas

100. Tennessee – TE Brevin Jordan, Miami

101. Detroit (FROM LAR) – G Ben Cleveland, Georgia

102. Miami (FROM SF) – LB Chazz Surratt, North Carolina

103. LA Rams – WR Josh Palmer, Tennessee

104. Baltimore – OT Spencer Brown, Northern Iowa

105. Chicago (PROJ TRADE W/NO) – CB Rodarius Williams, Oklahoma State

 ROUND FOUR

106. Jacksonville – RB Trey Sermon, Ohio State

107. NY Jets – CB Tay Gowan, UCF

108. Atlanta – C/G Drew Dalman, Stanford

109. Houston – DT/NT Marlon Tuipulotu, USC

110. Cleveland (FROM PHI) – DE Chauncey Golston, Iowa

111. Cincinnati – DE/OLB Elerson Smith, Northern Iowa

112. Detroit – S Andre Cisco, Syracuse

113. Carolina – TE Hunter Long, Boston College

114. Denver – OT Brady Christensen, BYU

115. Dallas – DT Milton Williams, Louisiana Tech

116. NY Giants – G Kendrick Green, Illinois

117. San Francisco – CB Benjamin St-Juste, Minnesota

118. LA Chargers – LB Charles Snowden, Virginia

119. Minnesota – DT/NT Tyler Shelvin, LSU

120. New England – WR Tamorrion Terry, Florida State

121. Las Vegas (FROM LV VIA MIA) – WR Jaelon Darden, North Texas

122. New England (FROM ARZ VIA HOU) – DE/OLB Hamilcar Rashed, Jr., Oregon State

123. Philadelphia (FROM MIA) – DE/OLB Cameron Sample, Tulane

124. Washington – S Divine Deablo, Virginia Tech

125. Minnesota (FROM CHI) – WR Trevon Grimes, Florida

126. Tennessee – DT Bobby Brown III, Texas A&M

127. Indianapolis – S Hamsah Nasirildeen, Florida State

128. Pittsburgh – CB Shakur Brown, Michigan State

129. Seattle – CB Ambry Thomas, Michigan

130. Jacksonville (FROM LAR) – S/LB JaCoby Stevens, LSU

131. Baltimore – WR Frank Darby, Arizona State

132. Cleveland – DT Tommy Togiai, Ohio State

133. New Orleans – LB Monty Rice, Georgia

134. Minnesota (FROM BUF) – TE Tommy Tremble, Notre Dame

135. Green Bay – DT Ta’Quon Graham, Texas

136. Kansas City – DE/OLB Daelin Hayes, Notre Dame

137. Tampa Bay – S Jamar Johnson, Indiana

138. Dallas – TE John Bates, Boise State

139. New England – DT Jonathan Marshall, Arkansas

140. Pittsburgh – TE Tre’ McKitty, Georgia

141. LA Rams – CB Kary Vincent, Jr., LSU

142. Green Bay – G Aaron Banks, Notre Dame

143. Minnesota – S Trill Williams, Syracuse

144. Baltimore (FROM KC) – CB Robert Rochell, Central Arkansas

 ROUND FIVE

145. Jacksonville – WR Amon-Ra St. Brown, USC

146. NY Jets – TE/WR Jacob Harris, UCF

147. Houston – DE/OLB Janarius Robinson, Florida State

148. Atlanta – WR Amari Rodgers, Clemson

149. Cincinnati – TE Kenny Yeboah, Mississippi

150. Philadelphia – LB Ernest Jones, South Carolina

151. Carolina – OT Dan Moore, Jr., Texas A&M

152. Denver – QB Jamie Newman, Wake Forest

153. NY Giants - RB Chuba Hubbard, Oklahoma State

154. Detroit - DT Kenny Randall, Charleston

155. San Francisco – LB Cameron McGrone, Michigan

156. Miami (FROM DAL VIA PHI) – DE/OLB Malcolm Koonce, Buffalo

157. Minnesota – DE/LB Quincy Roche, Miami

158. Houston (FROM NE) – G Sadarius Hutcherson, South Carolina

159. LA Chargers – OT Stone Forsythe, Florida

160. Arizona – RB Rhamondre Stevenson, Oklahoma

161. Buffalo (FROM LV) – DT Marquiss Spencer, Mississippi State

162. Las Vegas (FROM MIA) – S James Wiggins, Cincinnati

163. Washington – TE Kylen Granson, SMU

164. Chicago – CB Keith Taylor, Washington

165. Indianapolis – DE/OLB Jordan Smith, Alabama-Birmingham

166. Tennessee – K Jose Borregales, Miami

167. Las Vegas (FROM SEA) – CB Brandon Stephens, SMU

168. Minnesota (FROM PIT VIA BAL) – WR Seth Williams, Auburn

169. Cleveland (FROM LAR) – RB/WR Demetric Felton, UCLA

170. Jacksonville (FROM CLE) – OT Tommy Doyle, Miami (OH)

171. Baltimore – OT Alaric Jackson, Iowa

172. San Francisco (FROM NO) – WR Shi Smith, South Carolina

173. Green Bay – CB Darren Hall, San Diego State

174. Buffalo – WR Cornell Powell, Clemson

175. Kansas City – RB Elijah Mitchell, Louisiana

176. Tampa Bay – WR Tylan Wallace, Oklahoma State

177. New England – WR Racey McMath, LSU

178. Green Bay – RB Kylin Hill, Mississippi State

179. Dallas – S Ar’Darius Washington, TCU

180. San Francisco – S Damar Hamlin, Pittsburgh

181. Kansas City – S Talanoa Hufanga, USC

182. Atlanta – OT Foster Sarell, Stanford

183. Atlanta – S Jamien Sherwood, Auburn

184. Baltimore – TE Nick Eubanks, Michigan

 ROUND SIX

185. LA Chargers (FROM JAX VIA TEN) – CB Camryn Bynum, California

186. NY Jets (FROM NYJ VIA NE) – G/OT Robert Hainsey, Notre Dame

187. Atlanta - RB Khalil Herbert, Virginia Tech

188. New England (FROM HOU) – DE/OLB Adetokunbo Ogundeji, Notre Dame

189. Philadelphia – P Max Duffy, Kentucky

190. Cincinnati – CB D.J. Daniel, Georgia

191. Carolina (FROM DEN) – FB Ben Mason, Michigan

192. Dallas (FROM DET) – LB Buddy Johnson, Texas A&M

193. Carolina – WR Brandon Smith, Iowa

194. San Francisco – RB Chris Evans, Michigan

195. Houston (FROM DAL VIA NE) – TE Noah Gray, Duke

196. NY Giants – DE/OLB Joshua Kaindoh, Florida State

197. New England – QB Sam Ehlinger, Texas

198. LA Chargers – S Tyree Gillespie, Missouri

199. Minnesota – DE/OLB Wyatt Hubert, Kansas State

200. Las Vegas - LB Nick Niemann, Iowa

201. NY Giants (FROM ARZ) – TE Zach Davidson, Central Missouri

202. Cincinnati (FROM MIA VIA HOU) – G Jack Anderson, Texas Tech

203. Houston (FROM WAS VIA LV AND MIA) – C Drake Jackson, Kentucky

204. Chicago – WR Anthony Schwartz, Auburn

205. Tennessee – CB Israel Mukuamu, South Carolina

206. Indianapolis – TE Matt Bushman, BYU

207. Kansas City (FROM PIT VIA MIA) – WR Austin Watkins, Jr., Alabama-Birmingham

208. Miami (FROM SEA) – G Tommy Kraemer, Notre Dame

209. LA Rams – LB Curtis Robinson, Stanford

210. Baltimore – LB Christian Elliss, Idaho

211. Cleveland – WR Ihmir Smith-Marsette, Iowa

212. Houston (VIA NO) – S Shawn Davis, Florida

213. Buffalo – OT D’Ante Smith, East Carolina

214. Green Bay – S Darrick Forrest, Cincinnati

215. Tennessee (FROM KC) – RB Kene Nwangwu, Iowa State

216. Pittsburgh (FROM TB) – TE Tony Poljan, Virginia

217. Tampa Bay – C Jimmy Morrissey, Pittsburgh

218. New Orleans – LB Garret Wallow, TCU

219. Atlanta – CB Tre Brown, Oklahoma

220. Green Bay – OT Adrian Ealy, Oklahoma

221. Chicago – DE Malik Herring, Georgia

222. Carolina – RB Javian Hawkins, Louisville

223. Arizona (FROM MIN) – S Christian Uphoff, Illinois State

224. Philadelphia – RB Jaret Patterson, Buffalo

225. Philadelphia – DT Darius Stills, West Virginia

226. NY Jets (FROM CAR) – CB Rachad Wildgoose, Wisconsin

227. Dallas – QB Felipe Franks, Arkansas

228. Chicago - C Trey Hill, Georgia

 ROUND SEVEN

229. New Orleans (FROM JAX) – WR Josh Imatorbhebhe, Illinois

230. San Francisco (FROM NYJ) – CB Brandin Echols, Kentucky

231. Miami (FROM HOU) – WR Jonathan Adams, Jr., Arkansas State

232. Tennessee (FROM ATL VIA MIA) – S Joshuah Bledsoe, Missouri

233. Houston (FROM CIN) – CB Deommodore Lenoir, Oregon

234. Philadelphia – WR Damonte Coxie, Memphis

235. Cincinnati (FROM DET VIA SEA) – S Brady Breeze, Oregon

236. Buffalo (FROM CAR) – RB Pooka Williams, Kansas

237. Denver – WR Javon McKinley, Notre Dame

238. Dallas – K Evan McPherson, Florida

239. Denver (FROM NYG) – S Paris Ford, Pittsburgh

240. Philadelphia (FROM SF) – QB Shane Buechele, SMU

241. LA Chargers - NT/DT Tedarrell Slaton, Florida

               Minnesota forfeited selection

242. New England – LB Amen Ogbongbemiga, Oklahoma State

243. Arizona – DT Xavier Kelly, Arkansas

244. Miami (FROM LV VIA WAS) – S Donovan Stiner, Florida

245. Pittsburgh (FROM MIA) – LB Paddy Fisher, Northwestern

246. Washington – WR Sage Surratt, Wake Forest

247. Arizona (FROM CHI VIA LV) – LB K.J. Britt, Auburn

248. Indianapolis – CB Olaijah Griffin, USC

249. Jacksonville (FROM TEN) – S Tariq Thompson, San Diego State

250. Seattle – QB Ian Book, Notre Dame

251. Tampa Bay (FROM PIT) – DE/OLB Jonathon Cooper, Ohio State

252. LA Rams – DT Mustafa Johnson, Colorado

253. Denver (FROM CLE) – DE/OLB Patrick Johnson, Tulane

254. Pittsburgh (FROM BAL) – QB Peyton Ramsey, Northwestern

255. New Orleans – C Michal Menet, Penn State

256. Green Bay – LB Riley Cole, South Alabama

257. Cleveland (FROM BUF) – OT Jaylon Moore, Western Michigan

258. Washington (FROM MIA VIA KC) – LS Cameron Cheeseman, Michigan

259. Tampa Bay – OT Grant Hermanns, Purdue

 + injury history

* character issues

[nicosroom]

New year, same pandemic

Hello, 2021! It’s been a while, Tumblr. 

Given 2020, it seems strange to set goals for the new year ahead. Yet, here we are...

This is a work in progress organized by categories for now; I’m not sure yet if I can muster a 21 for 2021 or a 52 list as I’ve done in years past.

Fitness:

Nine months of stay at home have forced us all to get creative, it seems. I started strong with this in March, when a friend invited a group to do Yoga with Adriene’s 30 Days of Yoga series, aptly called “Home” (having released it in January, I guess Adriene couldn’t have known). I was a bit nervous. The last time I’d done Adriene’s 30 Days of Yoga (January 2016), I injured my wrist and it took about 8 weeks to heal/recover; then, for me, about a year to get back on the yoga mat; and when I did, I would only go to professionally guided classes. So this March, I started slow with an every-other-day routine. l had some trouble forming a habit, though, especially on the weekends, so I shifted to a Monday through Friday commitment; this, I found much more compelling because soon enough, the yoga sessions marked the end of my (at home) workday and the start of my evening “me time.” This yoga habit is one of the better “silver linings” that I exit 2020 with.

Other fitness activities have been hit or miss all quarantine long. I’ve had a fairly strong habit of 20-30 minute daily walks and when I was still in Colorado, I tried to get on the hiking trails each week. Still, I had to lower my daily step goals from 10,000 of the past many years of using fitness trackers, to the far more realistic 5,000. With the gym closed, living in a studio apartment, walking was all I could really manage; and being the stress chef that I am, from March through June (like many), I saw the scale going up ever so slowly. When I got to Ohio, where I’ve tried teaching remotely while living with my parents, I had much more luck thanks to the wide open spaces of their farmland, an enthusiastic walking buddy in their 10-year-old Pomeranian, and both an elliptical (mom’s never realized New Year’s resolution in 2017) and a treadmill (perhaps from the early 1990s). Yet, living with my parents has seemed to wreck my diet, both because they’re such meat eaters, my stress eating (provoked by Zoom university and them), and all the fall/winter holiday foods I can’t resist). While I haven’t been gaining as I was earlier this year, my weight has hovered at 140, about 10 more than I want.

Now, I’m packing up once more and heading to a new state and my own apartment once again. I’m excited to take control of my own grocery shopping, food prep, and space again, but I’m nervous about saying goodbye to the cardio machines and the wide open spaces. It seems, just in time, a friend has introduced me to Cassey Ho’s Blogilates channel and monthly workout calendar, a trove of at home cardio and Pilates  videos that are apartment friendly and largely equipment-free. I started incorporating these into my routine in early December and enter the new year four weeks ahead of the curve on habit-formation. So, here are some fitness goals for 2021:

Daily, 10-min wake up & stretch video 

January 4-25, I’m tackling the Blogilates #21DayTone

After that, my workout routine will be: 

Monday thru Friday, Yoga with Adriene video

Monday thru Friday, Blogilates video(es)

By Dec. 25, 2021, I want to be able to do the splits

Buy a new yoga mat: I’ve had the same one since college (12+ years!), so it’s past due, and I feel really compelled by the product placement in Adriene and Cassey’s videos. And Target just started carrying Blogilates products. But, given how much I now am using my mat these days, it feels like an investment rather than a once-in-while accessory. And actually, I might buy two. Are there recommended folding mats for that are easy to pack when traveling? I’m traveling by car most often now, so it isn’t the worst to bring mine rolled, but when we can resume plane travel...

Work/Productivity:

My research has seriously suffered during the pandemic. There are a lot of explanations: grief and depression and a daily onslaught of bad news; my contingent status in the academy and the overall trash fire of the profession’s unpredictable financial future; and being completely unsettled in my home life while working from home. I’ll feel a lot better if I can produce some writing that I like, so after I get settled in the new place, I have some goals...

First, I’ve arranged to do a book review, which is due February 1, which I hope will be the gateway to feeling like I accomplished something.

Then, I’m aiming to draft this article I’ve been wallowing with for most of 2020. My “deadline” is June 30, which I hope is both generous and realistic, given that the new semester promises more of the same at global Zoom university.

To help me achieve these goals, I’m re-instating one of my dissertation writing techniques, which is a minimum of 40 minutes of timed writing per (non-teaching) day. Many days, those 40-minute writing intervals got repeated 4-5 times; but there are just some days where 40 minutes is all I have, whether its for scheduling reasons or for bandwidth or because it’s the weekend.

Sleeping & waking:

A constant, it seems, is to work on sleep and waking habits. Actually, my sleep habits have improved drastically over the past several years. During the pandemic, I’ve maybe even been sleeping more than ever. And as such, it’s my waking habits that have suffered, given the drastic disruption of routines and the total collapse of any separation between living space and workspace. I’m used to waking up about two hours before I need to be somewhere or do something; I take long showers and like to linger over breakfast. For months now, I find myself lingering in bed for 45 minutes to an hour after my initial alarms, not usually dozing off and repeatedly snoozing them even, but browsing social media (despite there being few updates since the previous night). Subsequently, I feel rushed as I shower, dress, and take in breakfast, hoping that I’ll hit my “home office” space by 9am.

In 2021, I’m striving to…

spend 20 minutes of non-screen activity immediately before bed, whether reading, drawing, coloring, etc.

live by a one snooze limit and get out of bed within 10 minutes of the alarm

also meaning, no social media browsing in bed in the mornings

(as noted above) start each day with a 10-minute stretch routine (even the weekends)

get back to hearty breakfasts… in my rush, I’m reaching for yogurts and various packaged breakfast biscuits or cereals. When I plan ahead and actually prep overnight oatmeal or organize some kind of breakfast bowls, where I only have to add an egg or an avocado in the mornings, I feel much better and my morning work flows more smoothly.

Spending:

Four months living with my parents rent free (down from nearly $1200 a month I was spending on rent), I expected to pad my savings accounts with quite a bit of money in the fall semester, even as I was on a part time salary. But alas, I seem to have not… Like a lot of people, retail therapy has been a favorite way to cope with the pandemic… candles, new boots, a two year supply of Korean facemasks, yet another set of Pyrex, books and more books. I purchased a few things I’ve been putting off for years, including a new laptop (mine was 10 years old) and a proper desk chair (which I’ve never had). In October, I was advised to get new tires before the winter set in ($494). And, my marketplace health insurance plan (including vision and dental), $244 per month… It added up fast.

In the new year, I’ll be on full time salary and have employer benefits, lowering my out of pocket costs on insurance. And although living on my own means my living expenses will surely rise (rent, utilities, grocery, and house supplies), I hope to calm down my discretionary spending once I get the new apartment set up––admittedly, there are some furniture purchases I want to make first (a real couch, a couple bookshelves, a baker’s rack for the kitchen).

Eating/ Recipes:

2020 was such a wreck for my eating habits, even before the pandemic as I navigated my interview schedule, travel, and stress during the tenure-track job market;  and the college’s block schedule (ironically, I was teaching food literature, yet I barely had time to cook or feed myself fresh foods). Then came the pandemic, where I had all the time to cook for myself… and cooking and eating seemed to be the only thing to do. So, I occupied myself planning complicated recipes, brainstorming how to use up any out-of-the-usual ingredients I would need for them. And I also noticed myself picking up new, not healthy habits, like buying non-dairy ice creams on my bi-weekly, masked up and high stress grocery forays. And on top of that, I felt compelled to support local businesses with huge takeout orders that might last me two or three days.

Spring faded into summer, summer into fall and I was settling in for the long haul at my parents’ house. They’re eating habits are generally pretty healthy (my mom has a degree in nutrition after all), but they are also truly midwestern “meal = meat” types. Probably as part of my grad school budgeting, I’ve long adapted to eating meat sparingly, preparing it at home just a few times a month or, more typically, getting it at restaurants while eating mainly vegetarian at home. I also found in my mom’s house that it is stocked with sweets and snacks like it never was when I was a kid––potato chips, cookies, chocolates, sugary drinks. Alone, I manage my inability to resist by simply not buying many of these things, but here they were all the time.

Moving into my apartment this January, it very much feels like I’m setting myself up for success in 2021, as I take control of my grocery trips once more, re-establish my meal prep habits, and dial down meat consumption/dial up veggies.

Here are some recipes I’m excited to try this year:

Oat and banana based breakfast muffins

Crock pot butter chicken

Various waffles (I got a mini waffle maker!), especially scallion waffles; leftover Thanksgiving stuffing waffles; hash brown waffles; and zucchini fritters (I tried to make these on the frying pan last year, but I think I’ll get a better crisp in the waffle maker)

Sweet potato biscuits (for a breakfast sandwich)

Various soups, including Chicken & Hominy Stew with Greens

Hasselback Potato with Cilantro-Peanut Dressing

Cookies: coffee (winter/Christmas), pumpkin (fall)

Read/Watch:

Finish The Bluest Eye (Morrison) - I’ve been stalled on p. 130 since July 2020. Help.

Laura Kang, Traffic in Asian Women

Charles Yu, Interior Chinatown

Tommy Orange, There There

The Lunchbox

History and Memory

Minari

Taxi Driver

90 Day Fiancée (for research)

[nyctimus]

Text symbols meme thing for Ivanpez and Talix and like lit anyone else you wanna do it for.

Set in MB:R verse!

IVANPEZ-

MORNING text.

8:03 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hi handsome! Don’t forget you promised to meet me for brunch at that cute little bistro on main, okay?! Can’t wait to see your pretty face! 🥰

text that WASN’T SENT.

9:30 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] My mother has enough money to cover the slack for us if you just quit your job

RUSHED text.

4:45 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] I’m SOOO sooo sorry I’m running late :((( Got stuck in the goddamn metroplex traffic, swear to god I’ll move to the wilderness and abandon the city completely one day. I’ll be there soon! Promise!

DRUNK text.

3:09 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Move in with me wuit your job. I’ll quit mine. We can go somewhere nice like ...  3:12 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Whefe? Where you what to go 3:13 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Beach? We c an skinny dip every night 3:13 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hou can buiold a nice beach hut an I will make nice curtains for it, okay?

SUGGESTIVE text.

2:57 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you insisted on wearing that skimpy little white tank to work in just to try and tempt me to tear it off of you. 

LATE NIGHT text.

1:15 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Come here. I want cuddles, and my bed is nicer than yours

HATEFUL text.

5:44 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Peter. 5:44 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, but I promise I’ll right it. 5:49 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What do you mean? Of course I have, why else would you have worn those atrocious, eye- searing shirts every day for the past WEEK if not to punish me? 5:51 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What? 5:51 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’re punishing me. 5:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Still too angry to tell me what I’ve done, I see. Okay. I’ll try again later.

RANDOM text.

2:32 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Gold or indigo? I can’t decide.

SCARED text.

6:45 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Hey, I thought you’d be back by now? 7:02 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete? 7:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Peter??? Please pick up 7:26 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Baby please

LOVING text.

10:50 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Good night, sweet boy, I hope you have the very best dreams... I know you’re nervous about tomorrow, but you shouldn’t be... you’re perfect. 10:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] You’ve got this. Now get some rest... don’t make me come over there 10:52 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Fine, then. See you soon

CURIOUS text.

3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] What are your favorite appetizers? Salty or sweet? Party hosting has become just a little more complicated since I started caring more about your opinion than my own. Feelings can be so pesky sometimes 😛

EXCITED text.

3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete!  3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Can you believe we’re leaving on our veeeery first vacation together as a couple together today? Even if it’s just a little two day getaway, I’m SO excited, I’ve been looking forward to this all week. 3:13 pm [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Can’t wait to have you all to myself. You may be sick of me by the time this is over. Fair warning!

ACCIDENTAL text.

1:19 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s entirely possible I’m just a way for him to pass a little time. And I’m fine with that. Obviously. Why wouldn’t I be?

HEARTBREAKING text.

1:19 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] Pete? 1:24 am [Kolya → Lyubimiy❤️] My mother just died. I.... I’m packing to head home to Paris now. Can you go with me?

/ / /

TALIX-

MORNING text.

5:25 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know you’re sleeping and won’t even see this for another 6 hours or so, but if you come give me a ride home I’ll smuggle you a whole loaf of that cinnamon coffee cake you like. Please

text that WASN’T SENT.

10:17 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] How do you do it? Live like that constantly? It was a ten minute experience two months ago but I’m still having nightmares

RUSHED text.

3:59 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] K, I know Ellis would probably throw the entire knife drawer at your face if you show back up here but there are SO many drunk assholes here right now it almost seems worth it to beg you to come save me

DRUNK text.

9:42 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] U just reality want you to hold me brighttnkw 9:42 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Plea.Se. And pet my hair, Anne kiss my nose. Ok?

SUGGESTIVE text.

4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know this is fucked up, okay... 4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And idk if it’s the full moon or what, but I can’t stop thinking about you with your gun when I’m getting off 4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Your actual gun. Not your dick, love that one too but the one you... you know what I mean  4:35 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] The way you hold it. Your fingers. Those fucking veins in your arms, Jesus Christ

LATE NIGHT text.

1:32 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Are you okay? I know it’s silly to be afraid for you every single time the news mentions turf wars and casualties, but I worry about you. Text me when you can

HATEFUL text.

5:18 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Swear to fuck next stuck up ass businessman that walks through these doors, orders coffee and then wrinkles his nose when he tastes it is getting the whole pot poured on his fancyboy suit. Why do people come here wanting Starbucks? I’m going to scream

RANDOM text.

7:30 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] ...Pretty sure your kid is here staking me out right now. Not even subtle. Staring me down as I text this. Should I be concerned? Pretend I don’t know him? SOS

SCARED text.

4:06 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I think someone’s following me. I keep seeing the same car. At work, outside my apartment 4:07 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] In the parking lot at Krogers. What should I do? 4:08 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know if they see you it might make things worse but can you come get me? Please. I’m scared

LOVING text.

7:31 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] Hey, hot stuff. I’ll be dead to the world by the time you read this but I just wanted to tell you I hope you have a good day. Kick everyone’s ass. Don’t get arrested. 💖 xo

CURIOUS text.

9:22 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] What do you have planned for Thanksgiving? My brother’s hounding me to bring you back to the farm. No pressure either way. He’s kind of a lot. I think he wants to shovel talk you, so... feel free to be busy, haha

EXCITED text.

5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] You know that cat I’ve been leaving canned tuna out for for like, the last month and a half? 5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] SHE CAME INSIDE 5:48 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And killed my favorite plant, but! SHE CAME INSIDE!!!

ACCIDENTAL text.

8:57 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know you’re just worried about me, and I get that 8:57 pm [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] But you need to fuck off. It’s none of your business, man

HEARTBREAKING text.

6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I know I’m being an asshole doing this over text 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] But I’ve been trying for weeks to say it in person, and I just can’t. I look at you and it wipes everything else out of my brain 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I don’t know how to commit to a guy with a kid. 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] And I know you warned me, first thing, and I know I’m being horribly selfish 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I just. I guess I’m looking for something else. 6:22 am [Felix → Sweet Po-Tate-o 🍠] I’m sorry.

/ / /

DONNY/GRAHAM-

MORNING text.

7:37 am [Graham → bitchboy] it’s cold, jackass. if you’re gonna fucking leave me here to freeze by myself you could at least turn up the heat wtf 7:37 am [Graham → bitchboy] inconsiderate motherfucker

text that WASN’T SENT.

7:36 am [Graham → bitchboy] please come back, i dont sleep as well without you

RUSHED text.

6:44 pm [Graham → bitchboy] fucking setup? target expecting me so find your leak

DRUNK text & ACCIDENTAL text.

2:57 am [Graham → bitchboy] i wasfn EXPECTING him, tyler 2:57 am [Graham → bitchboy] i mean everypnoes heard of him. what an asshole he is. cause he is. but hes this asshole who owns a TEDDY BEAR 2:59 am [Graham → bitchboy] of course you won’t believe nme but im not lyin i swear it on my mams grave 3:02 am [Graham → bitchboy] and its not his sons. its his. its so cute. hes cyte. ill stab your duck if you tell anyone 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] duck 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] duck 3:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] y ouknow.  3:04 am [Graham → bitchboy] god. 3:04 am [Graham → bitchboy] its’ terinle

SUGGESTIVE text & EXCITED text.

11:52 pm [Graham → bitchboy] finally finished up here. 11:52 pm [Graham → bitchboy] eta 47 mins, have your office clear and my reward ready ;)

LATE NIGHT text.

12:02 am [Graham → bitchboy] sometimes i feel like you’re intentionally giving me the lamest possible fucking targets. wtf. i like killing bitches that will stab me back, not pushing pathetic ass grannies down the stairs while her 50 cats watch me? im picking my own files from here on out 12:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] and im bringing the cats 12:03 am [Graham → bitchboy] maybe youll think twice before pulling this shit on me again

HATEFUL text.

6:26 pm [Graham → bitchboy] you sign my paychecks. thats it. you dont get to tell me what to do outside of that. dont get it twisted just because were fucking, asshole

RANDOM text.

8:32 pm [Graham → bitchboy] idc what we do for dinner but i really want cheesecake so

CURIOUS text.

4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] idk what you and dj usually do for holidays. should i head out? i can crash at my old room at tys, i dont mind

SCARED text & LOVING text & HEARTBREAKING text.

4:29 am [Graham → bitchboy] idk, got me good thus time. pulling over. behind sunoco on 35. dont wnna crash but you should send someone to gt rid of the folders if not my body too by rhen. too much evidence sorry 4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] im really sorry 4:30 am [Graham → bitchboy] i love you. sorry for not telling you until now . sorry. im so sorry

[thethrilllofitalll]

Woman Accidentally Eats a Space Cake for the First Time (Fully Loses Her Shit)

New experiences are some of the greatest joys of my life. Seeing and doing new things. New stimulus and surroundings, trying and learning new things, engaging with new people and places.

During lockdown we are almost entirely starved of new experiences. 

Having gotten to 30 without ever trying weed, I have been expressing an interest for years, but not wanting to smoke, thought Space Cakes were the best option. People had warned me these could be quite strong, but a friends boyfriend was given some “Medical Marijuana CBD Cupcakes” for his birthday, and knowing I’d been interested offered me one, with the disclaimer “it’s not going to be a new experience, you’ll probably just feel more relaxed and maybe a tiny bit warm and fuzzy.”

Me being me and always wanting to make everything The Maximum Fun, would have under normal circumstances gathered friends, lowered the lights, composed a playlist, eaten the cake in a ceremonial fashion and fully embraced the moment. But, as I was assured not to get over excited, instead my friend (L) and I ate them together as a snack absent mindedly whilst having a chat in her bed around 10pm. I then went off next door to watch some telly alone whilst texting my boyfriend (S). 

What unfolded was quite the unexpected turn of events...

18th May 2020

23:05

To S

M: Just eaten it mate

S : that's a tiny bite!

M: I’ve ate the whole thing

M: Really hard thick choc

M: Hard work

M: I feel caffeinated

M: Typical

M: The only person in life to not chill out on weed

23:20

M: Watching the explained about monogramy lol x

23:40

M: Oscar wee’d in the kitchen

S : bad boy!

S : how is the cbd?

M: Feel quite chill now to be fair

M: But maybes it’s the absolute moment of calm tea I’m drinking

S : haha

M: Wow I’m watching the genum explained

M: Apparently now stick your earwax is is genetic!

00:00

M: Omg

M: Wow

M: Just got the drop!

M: Did not expect that to be a thing!

To L

M: Wow just had The drop

M: Lol!!

L: Lol

L: Me too

L: 😂

M: #legaliseit

L: I’m lying in the dark

L: Feel like I might float out into the street

M: Hahaha

L: ✌️

M: It literally came over me like a cloak in the kitchen!!

M: Super intense!! Like sinking into a hole

L: Lol

M: #isthiswhatheroinislike

L: Yes felt it in the dark

L: Lovin it

M: 🤑

Li: 🌱

M: Me watching telly right now no lie

M: #chillin

L: Me

To S

M: Omg I’m high!!!! Hahahaha giggly

00:05

To L

M: What a new experimenter

M: Giggly! And 😎 getting in bed with my sunbathing soundtrack on for the full experience

L: Me too

L: My face hurts from smiling

M: Hahahah OMG I feel like an absolutely beautiful cliche or a person trying drugs for the first time

M: I am thinking all the classic drug thoughts

M: About time

00:10

M: And expanding contracting

L: Me too

M: And getting disorientated JB the room

L: Yes

M: And can’t get undressed ao have fallen into bed with my T-shirt and bra still on hahaha

L: Haha

M: Was just pacing back and forward for ages forgetting what I was doing before that

To S

M: Omg I’m so high ha

To L

M: Just came to and caught myself hunched over beside the bed, crouching like Gollum

M: Now in bed laughing af myself

00:15

To S

M: Think I might have cut my fingers trying desperately to get into the wrong end of my headphones emboldened

M: Box

(Didn’t actually send this pic)

M: That’s me with my eyes open

S : haha what? x

S : you okay

To L

M: Wow warm rushes down and tingly sensations Up!

M: This song about giggling just came on

M: Reccomend d

M: Here’s a song for you… Laugh with Me by Paul White

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ebGfveNsaTPvbmYrcYbM9?si=Zew2rxbfQ7aQZ_b9fIwA_g

00:20

To S

M: A tightness is chest and breath and strange iron taste

M: I am 1 of the highest I have been in my life wow

M: Hehehehe how unexpected

M: Wish I could take photos of all the funny positions and faces I keep coming to and finding myself in

M: I imagine this one to be the recently deceased wake of a grumpy old cheese mans body

M: Chinese

M: Like a soldier made of stone

S : are you on your own?

M: Wow event the documentation of the peveois/current high went crazy Cus a new one kicked in and distracted the current

To L

L: Wowwwww cant type

L: How lovely it is

L: Trippyyy

M: Here’s a playlist for you… Sunbathing soundtrack

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1kGgW3qvdBHAQwQSNpwV0j?si=1r90zkW_QcGfbMUO2eHUsA

Note on phone

I might piss on the floor like Oscar

To S

M: Me and L are both in same boat but on our own beds textier

M: Hahahaha

To J

M: OMG J I’m really tired I can’t stop laughing

M: High!!!

00:25

To S

M: Me loving life

M: 🤞🤤🤞🤟✌️✌️✌️✌️

S : hahaha babe! xx

S : glad you're having a nice time

M: I just imagined I had come out with a brilliant music video idea but I came to and realised it was just imagining ever cartoon representation of being high ever spliced together. And then I came to and realised i was typing this.

M: Can’t believe your not here wtf should have bought week 1

M: Unjust caught myself thinking with no irony wow I suddenly understand what the Beatles were singing about

M: When I was imagining trying to text every new feeling and image

M: Hahaha and while writing that was earnestly tupong this new thought

M: And “well I do feel very creative”

00:30

To L

M: And add “i do feel very creative” to my earnest cliched thoughts

M: (I do!)

To S

M: OMG these powerful warm surges feel like you’d have in a dream where you posed yoirakef im going to the loo in case

M: Also the thought before feels ages ago

00:35

To L

L: ❤️❤️

M: High cheeky ostrich is my new lying position

To S

M: Warm fuzzy snow suit

M: Not typos

M: I am already excited to read this tomorrow but hahaha I promise it’s all honestly genuinely spontaneously happening as I try to document it maddest feeling of my life maybe

M: I never had that piss

M: Gonna try

00:40

To J

OMG I Hirnkonstrukt think I  might be doing that thing Danny did when he kept thinking he was piss himself in the pyjamas

M: I did have that piss Tay time tho to make it real

Note on phone

BAby kangaroo nausea 

Y funniest thing of the year

00:45

To L

M: A fantasy involving a religiiius cartoon in which someone declares that cannabis is “the higher place” earnestly hah hahahaha omg

L: Ha aha

M: Imagined Dom and Lauren are so high they are waking me up over my headphones typing to you won’t music to Interupt with banging pans and jangling bells

M: They’re all linked

M: Oh here come the goat bells again

M: and interupt each other

Note on phone

OMG stop being unfunny and controlling 

Wow mood switch

00:55

To S

M: Wow I think I ist did a 10 min one just of trips interrupting one another 100 times to report back sorry it this is annoy g can’t tell if done 100 times or none  each other to report back

S : nothing is annoying xxx

S : going to bed now

S : are you having fun?

S : going to sleep? x

M: Nothing in the bed

M: Yes it’s honestl mad tho this is the highest I have been in my life it feels like I should document it

M: : Either u picked the most perfect high soundtrack ever or the high production values on these tracks are the greatest of all time

S: what u listening to?

S: I'm going to sleep now xxx

S: love you! ❤️❤️

S: can't wait to see you make sense of this in the morning

S: Oooo longest one yet

M: Haha me too it is so funny no be so knowing bht so powerless

Notes on phone

Standing outside myself and reporting back defo most accurate  feeling 

A new companion for myself 

Wow “Powerful”

Both genhinemg and ironically

1:40

To L

M: Wow finally got me bra off and mr phone on charge

M: Bloody powerful

M: You ok? X

Notes on phone

Within one anothe so literally that I just had a dream sequence so accurate it woke me up 

Infact he was riding a pig at my wedding 

Huge surging music

19th May- The Morning After

07:20

To S

S: hahaha

S: I have no idea what you're on about

S: hope you got a good night's sleep

7:40

M: Morning xxxxxzz

S: morning! x

8.35

To L

L: Good morning

L: How are you??

L: I’m up but just in bed!

L: Oh meg

09:20

M: What a time to be alive!

M: How are you?

To S

M: Guten Morgen

S: hello babe xx

S: how are you?

M: Sleepy

M: How are ya?

M: Sorry I was too high to ask any how does it feel to be home questions

M: Look forward to asking them all soon

S: haha that's fine I had fun

S: also I was just chatting to Lukas

S: but it's good

S: cba to unpack and everything

10:30

To L

M: I’m sleepy

L: Absolutely wild

L: Want a cuppa??

L: Just got a Skype now will Come and check on you after at 11! Xx

M: Haha see you at 11 still be asleep

To S

S: what you doing with your day? xx

S: ohh I think I forgot a bunch of shirts in your closet

M: Sleeping currently

11:20

To L

L: How are you doing?

L: Megggg

L: What a life

L: Shout me when you’re awake xx

M: Wow sleepy!!

11:40

To L

L: Meg I’m still trippin

L: It comes in waves

M: Oh god wow really

To S

M: Wow sleepy

S: haha

S: what you doing?! x

S: snoozing all day long

M: Sleeping

M:  Haha no I’m gonna try be awake now

M:  L’s still tripping

To L

M: Did you do a meeting?!

L: Not like last night

L: Yes lol

L:  Do u want tea?

L: Will get kettle on

M:  Hahaha shall I come down

L: Think I need to talk through this mad experience

M: Haha I’ll make it I think I’m out of the woods

M: Well this is the longest I’ve been awake for so I guess we will see! What do you want? X

L: Doing the kettle now

L: I just need to speak to you about it all

11:50 

To S

S: oh dear

S: told you it's strong in food

S: but you feel good? xx

S: sad I wasn't with you

M:  Haha L is still high

S:  yeah you just said

S: hbu?

M: OMG I took loads of photos

M: I defo am

M: But not in the tripping way

15:15

To L

M: Taken me about ten minutes to get me knickers on

What an absolute turn up for the books!! I accidentally got the new experience I was craving. 

[kellyzeagman]

G’day

So, about once or twice a month we do practice drills for emergency situations. Mostly for fires but also security threats, man overboard, evacuations, etc.. It’s always a pain in the butt to do them because they take up to two hours sometimes and you have to participate even if it’s your time off. It also often affects time off at ports. If I had the day off to go to an island, I can’t get off until the drill is done. ANYWAYS. Practice drills are all fun and games and laughs and everyone complains about them but they are important because truth be told, no one knows what is going on ever, so it’s important to prepare people if there actually was an emergency which just so happens to have taken place on Jan.18th for REAL this time. We are always given a warning when there is going to be drills, or it’s put in our schedule, but this one came as a surprise to everyone at 1:30 in the morning. The emergency code for fire on a ship goes as followed on the announcement- “Bravo... Bravo... Bravo... “ and then is followed by the location of the fire on the ship and then in practice drill situations is always followed by “this is a drill for the crew” so we know it’s all chill and not a big deal. BUT on Jan.18th it was far less chill as it came as a surprise to everyone and was not a drill.

So, after we had all gone to bed and had started falling asleep, we were all abruptly woken up to a REAL bravo. Announcements never come on in crew cabins unless it’s a real emergency, which is 99% of the time a medical emergency. So, while it’s still shocking to hear the PA system come on in your room, it’s always just for medical reasons. When I heard the announcement turn on, I just laid there with my eyes closed waiting for them to say “Alpha.. Alpha.. Alpha..” which is code for medical emergency because it happens quite often. HOWEVER. When the words bravo, bravo, bravo came out of the persons mouth at 1:30am, shit got REAL. I had never sprung out of my bed so fast. Every department has certain duties for a bravo, and ours is to go up to the kids club and wait for further instruction. You have to get to your location in 7 minutes or less. As I was frantically changing into my uniform, my co worker down the hall knocked on doors around her to make sure we were all up. I dashed out of my room and met up with 2 others on the way and were about to boot it up 12 flights of stairs until we saw the chief engineer taking the elevator so we went in with him hahaha. (You aren’t supposed to take the elevator, but I figured if he was taking it we could as well). Crew were all sprinting down the corridors to get more info/to get to their locations. While people were keeping their cool, everyone was definitely panicking. My team of 12 all waited at our spot for further instruction, all confused and experiencing minor panic as we had no idea how bad the fire was. After about 10 mins, the captain came on the system and said there was a small fire in one of the food prep areas but that it had been contained and we could all be dismissed. Absolutely mental. Because, my first thought as soon as I sprung out of bed was that the ship was gonna burst into flames and sink, or we would have to get everyone onto life boats and evacuate the ship. The process of getting 3,000+ guests on life rafts is just hilarious to think about, it would be SUCH a mess. If a real emergency happened, god I just can’t even imagine the chaos. I was expecting it to be a really, really long night, but alas, just a small little fire that was put out easily. As we waited upstairs for our fate, a big part of me was hoping that a good chunk of the ship would get damaged by fire (no injuries of course) and that we would have to shut down for a few weeks to rebuild and we could get put up in hotels in Sydney. However, no such luck. Once the drill was over, I couldn’t stop laughing just because of how much of a gong show it was and how crazy it could have been. It was hard for anyone to fall asleep that night after the adrenaline rush of knowing there’s a fire on a floating vessel. So that was just a crazy, stressful, intense but hilarious situation. My friend has worked 5 contracts and had never experienced a real bravo, so it’s crazy for a lot of people.

Speaking of getting people on life boats, I have quite a funny situation. Some people at home actually already know because I told them when I found out but for others, here’s a nice laugh for you- crew and staff are all assigned to over 25 different life rafts in case we ever needed to evacuate. Out of all the possible ones I could have been assigned to, my friend Laura and I are assigned to the same life raft as the captain, chief safety, chief security, hotel director and staff captain. Aka, this is the last life raft to abandon ship. What is our luck. So, allllll of those important people, a few restaurant staff, a few maintenance guys, other random departments and two youth staff will all be the last to evacuate. Cheers! I’ll just be waiting till absolutely everyone gets off the ship until I’m allowed to leave with the captain. Good stuff. (Obviously I’d try to sneak off earlier). Hopefully we never have to :)

I’ve been quite lucky the past 2 weeks because I have had the shoebox room to myself. Unfortunately, my roommate Lucy had to be signed off in Sydney at the hospital/a hotel during the last 12 day cruise because the doctor feared she had German measles. In the end, there was never a complete diagnosis, but she stayed off the ship for those 12 days and she completely had to move everything out of her suitcases in case she got sent home. After she returned, she ended up getting placed in another room and I was assigned a 55-60ish year old sports staff from Poland. She completely cleaned my room, vacuumed and bleached and cleaned the bathroom, amazing. However, when I woke up in the morning she was gone without a trace. Completely packed up like she was never there. It turns out she requested to move cabins because mine made her too sea sick?? Strange considering everywhere on the ship rocks. Anyways, I know am on day 19 of having my own room and will more than likely get a new roommate when we get back to Sydney and a bunch of new people sign on.

Speaking of the 12 day cruise, what an absolute shi* show. We had our highest kid count so far (1,200) and we were already one down with my roommate being signed off. Then on the second day, we were two down because another guy on our team got confined to his room for 48 hours because he got the flu. I worked multiple 11/12 hour days. We were absolutely exhausted. The sports team was down 2, the cruise entertainment staff were down 2, and then mid cruise the cruise director aka the face of the ship who is responsible for all entertainment on board cut her foot on coral and had to get 20 stitches in her foot and couldn’t walk for a few days. Needless to say, everyone was overworked and had to help out in extra ways over those 12 days. Still managed to get off a few times and enjoy some beach time though. Feeling #blessed that those 12 days are behind us. I’m hoping that is the craziest it will ever get. Australian summer is now officially over as of yesterday (the 26th) school started today (27th) so the kid counts should go down. But there’s still a cruise coming up in 2 weeks with 800 kids so I don’t understand. Apparently aussies don’t care about having their kids out of school. I’m sure it will go down as soon as I leave on March 7th with my luck.

On the topic of leaving, if I was Chinese, I probably would not be able to go home. This Coronavirus is obviously being taken very seriously, even with royal caribbean. As of now, they aren’t flying home practically any Chinese employees. For example, a friend of mine is supposed to fly home on turnaround day (tomorrow as I write this) but is allowed to extend his contract because they aren’t letting people fly into parts of China and royal is letting them extend to keep safe. Same with the other way around, the process of getting them on board is difficult and has changed. Originally, they weren’t going to be sending any Chinese citizens onto ships, but now some are allowed depending on where they are from/when they start. There are 3 girls leaving my team on feb.5th, meaning 3 new ones are coming. One of them is Chinese, and we didn’t think she would be able to come. However, it turns out she is now coming, BUT has to be confined to a room for TWO WEEKS. All Chinese staff coming on board must be confined to a shoe box room for 2 weeks to make sure they are fine, how CRAZY. No window, sunlight or fresh air for 2 weeks. It seems a bit stupid to me that they just wouldn’t decide to send them at later times rather than make them do this. ANYWAYS, we will see how it goes. This is her first contract, so she has no idea what to expect and will start off her journey by being confined for 2 weeks.

On a side note, Spectrum of the Seas sails out of Hong Kong and the crew received some amazing news. Even though the circumstance is obviously horrible (the virus), they are cancelling all cruises for at least the next 2 weeks and all the crew will sail to japan with no guests and stay there for 2 weeks, no guests. I believe they will be able to get off and tour around as long as the coronavirus doesn’t make its way there. Those employees are living the absolute dreammmmm.

This virus will have a big impact on ships because many, many employees are Chinese. However, the Chinese employees do not even come close to the amount of Filipinos and Indonesians. There’s probably about 60 Filipinos for every non-Filipino. Filipino, Indonesian, Indian and Chinese are for sure the top 4 most popular nationalities on board. There’s also a lot of Ukrainians on this ship. There’s maybeeee 10 Canadians? Not a lot, but more than Americans I think. I think there’s only about 5 that I know of. Lots of English and Romanian people as well. I’ve said it before, but my team is made up of 2 Canadians, 1 Russian, 1 Ukrainian, 1 from Chile, 5 English, 2 Brazilian and my boss is Filipino.

We went to Lifou, Loyalty Islands a few days ago and I experienced perhaps the craziest story I will ever have experienced/ be able to tell in my entire life. After missing out on some cool tourist locations due to lack of money, my friend Vera from Russia and I decided to test our luck at the beach. We walked far down a path to bring us to an area where there were no crew or guests. Just a tiny, tiny little beach that had about 15 locals swimming at it. My friend Vera has never snorkelled before and last time I was at this exact spot I found a really nice area that had a bunch of nemo fish about 80m out from the shore. All of the locals were chilling about waist deep just cooling off, whereas I was going out decently far to go find this coral/the fish. I told Vera that I would wave her down once I found it and she said she would come swim out to me. So, after making it out there and somehow miraculously finding the exact location I had stumbled upon before, I turned around to start waving to Vera to make her way out only to find out that I am now quite literally the only person in the water and all of the locals are now standing on the sand. Not only are they now all standing out of the water, they are frantically WAVING me down yelling at me to swim back to shore and giving me the SHARK FIN symbol and yelling “SHARKKK SHARKKKK” So at this point, I am the only person in the water, with 80m to swim to safety and swimming with a shark. I pretty much blacked out and tried not to think about what was happening and just swam with my eyes facing towards the shore. I didn’t dare look under water with my goggles because if I saw a shark I would have absolutely lost my shit. Sharks have never scared me and I saw them at mystery island and wasn’t bothered, but the fact that I was alone and decently far out and was not expecting it, I definitely panicked. The whole time I was swimming back I was just WAITING to feel a chomp. My friend Vera waiting for me on shore was definitely freaking out as I swam back. Once I got out, I laid on the beach for a good 5 mins like a beached whale trying to process what had happened and for my heart to stop beating so fast. Anyways, I’m alive and it made for a great story. On the way back to the ship while waiting for the tender boats to pick us up, we saw 4 sea turtles by the docks too, perfect way to end the weird day.

Australia Day fell on our last cruise, which is just like Canada day but for Australia. It was also India’s national day the following day, so we had a huge party at our crew bar area to celebrate with the hundreds of Indians that work on board. I didn’t see much of the Australian festivities, but it is definitely unique to see people so patriotic for countries (India and Australia) that you aren’t a part of.

The next two cruises are going to be quite interesting. They are 3 day and 2 day “tasters”. We did one after the crossing. The boat literally just goes out to sea and back, how silly. The kid count drops to 500 which is nice going from 1200 and 800, but it’s still TOO high. At least these will go by fast and we will get to go to Sydney 3 times over 6 days. Then, we have a 2 week cruise which we are all praying has a small amount of kids. Australians went back to school a few days ago after their summer break, so one would assume the counts would drop a bit. After that 2 week cruise is done I’ll only have 17 DAYS left. Absolutely insane. I’m finding it rude that this year decided to be a leap year and February has 29 days instead of 28 like usual, as I’d get to have one less day on my countdown to coming home. Still having a good time, but the countdown is most definitely on. “Sign off” mode is setting in.

Well, I must go now as I have to go participate in “waves”. This is a farewell event for guests which consists of a special guest show, and then a royal caribbean song performed by the singers and dancers about thanking the guests for cruising and that we will see them again soon. It’s quite literally the corniest thing you will ever see, then people from each department (me) walk along the stage and wave goodbye to everyone.

Final thought- I’ve seen so many birds flying around over the last 2 sea days which makes no sense to me- how do they survive on the open ocean without any land near them? Where do they sleep? The closest land was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

That’s all from me :)

Email me about you and your life!!kelly.zeagman97@gmail.com

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 42)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

The rumpled blanket from the bed was collected and gently draped over his body. You sat there, unsure of what else to do for him but cry. All you could do for anyone here was cry. You weren’t strong like Jungkook, or cunning like Namjoon or Yoongi.

You didn’t have that sly charisma like Taehyung or the intimidating presence like Hoseok.

You couldn’t sweet talk like Jin could and you couldn’t adapt like Jimin.

You were you; and you were useless.

So you cried, hands gently stroking Jimin’s side and eyes careful to avoid the staining sheets. “I’m so sorry Jimin.” You whispered. He didn’t respond of course and all you could hear were your sniffles and the ringing in your ears from the gun. It sounded like sirens, but you had never experienced that feeling before to know if it was normal or not.

Gunfire went off somewhere within the warehouse, but you didn’t bother to try to find a spot to hide. Jimin was right; it was only a matter of time. Yoongi was nowhere to be seen and Jungkook’s entire attitude to you had shifted the moment you purposefully left him behind to go with Taehyung. There was no way he’d let you return to him with an understanding perspective. You had saw the way his anger had shifted from Namjoon to you.

Going back to Jungkook was a dangerous option.

Your fingers curled into the sheets draped over Jimin, “He just takes and take and takes away..” You quoted him, smoothing your hand over his hip, “It’s only a matter of time before it’s us.” He had been right in so many other things and you were afraid that he was going to be right about this too. “Please be wrong, Jimin.” You pleaded weakly, “Please be wrong about Jeon.”

There were shouts and screams (some close enough to cause alarm) but you sat still, tenderly stroking Jimin as if you were trying to lull him to sleep. “We were friends..” You agreed softly, “We are friends. We understood each other. You understood me a lot better than I understood myself. I wish..I wish we could’ve met differently. The way we met was bad. You had to do a lot of things you didn’t want to, but I understand. I forgive you for most of them.” You whispered, leaning down to rest your head against his hip,

“Maybe if we originally met in passing..? Or at work? We would have been close friends; I know it. We-You could have moved in with Jae and I. You and your girlfriend. I think you both would have liked it, Jiminie. It’s a small place, but it had a beautiful view of the city, especially on rainy days.” You chuckled to yourself, “I’m sure you would have been a better handyman than Jae; he barely knew how to change a vacuum filter. We could have been best friends, Jimin.” Wiping your eyes, you sat up, frowning at the red stained sheets. “Please let this be a dream…”

You knew it wasn’t and that your ramblings were making no sense. Jimin had hurt you, intentionally, several times and yet you were talking about him like he was the kindest man you’ve ever met. He wasn’t meant to die like that; not by you. You had to compensate for that somehow.

So now Jimin was practically a saint in your eyes.

He was truly the kind and understanding man who only wanted to help you like no one else would; he was the man he pretended to be.

He was the man you were pretending he was.

Footsteps rushed closer to the room. A figure darted by the partially opened door, but you hadn’t turned fast enough to see who it was. You were too numb to go check and your voice was too hoarse to shout. Either way, it was probably someone who would be intent on hurting you, so hiding in this room with Jimin was your best option. Several other heavy footsteps rushed by and a door was heard slamming at the end of the hall. Whoever they were, they were gone now. You turned back to Jimin, idly smoothing the wrinkles in the sheets. You’d make sure he was buried beside his girlfriend, he deserved that.

The warmth of his body was started to wane; tender flesh hardening under your shaky touch. Whatever false hope you had that he would magically awaken was gone. He was dead and you needed to move on. So why couldn’t you move away from him? You softly patted his side one last time, tearfully apologizing to him. Killing him was the last thing you ever had wanted to do, whether he wanted it or not.

Jeon was right about you too, it seemed.

You did fit right in the mafia.

You not only fit right in.

You belonged.

A cramp formed in your gut that had you doubling over in pain, teeth clenching tightly. You didn’t understand how these people could kill so easily. You had done it on accident and you couldn’t even breath without pain coursing throughout your body. Exhaustion pressed down on you, a sharp pain throbbing behind your eyes and never had you wanted to curl up and die as much as you did now. What were you supposed to do? Yoongi wasn’t coming back; that much seemed clear now. Maybe now that he wasn’t forced to be around you he was seeing that he really didn’t feel anything for you. That made perfect sense.

It seemed like that was what was happening between you and Jungkook.

You had angered the only man who offered you protection here; so any protection from Jungkook was slim. Jin was dead and Namjoon or Taehyung were most certainly not options. Jimin was gone too. The only thing left was to beg Jungkook for forgiveness and do whatever he asked to get back into his good favor, but was that any way to live?

Was going back to Jungkook really all you could do?

Jaehwa sat on the edge of Namjoon’s desk, boredly flipping through the various books scattered behind Namjoon’s desk. He lifted his head up briefly, to check on Jungkook. The guy had been out for awhile now and Jae was pretty sure the mission would be completed before he woke up. Seeing no immediate difference in how Jungkook look four minutes ago when he checked on him, Jae went back to his task. A rather promising book had fallen under the desk and he had to crawl under to reach it. He squatted down, huffily complaining about the distance and spluttering at the feel of cobwebs brushing along his face. Stretching his arm out, Jaehwa rolled his eyes in annoyance; his fingers barely brushed the book’s spine. He hopped a bit on the balls of his feet, head smashing against the bottom of the desk.

From his relaxed spot on the floor not too far away, Jungkook slowly opened his eyes, a smile coming to his lips. He had been awake for the last 15 minutes, but had neglected to alert Jaehwa to such. He needed to come up with a plan.

You had purposefully left him, that much was clear. Yoongi was somewhere in the building.

And he needed to make sure you two didn’t meet.

Taking down Jaehwa would be easy, but Jungkook didn’t know how many other men out there were on Yoongi’s side. He needed a barrage of men to take the warehouse by storm. A force so unexpected that no one, not even his own men, would have enough time to come up with a plan. Everyone needed to be scattered, especially you and Yoongi.

Which was why Jungkook had texted the police.

There had been no word from Namjoon or Taehyung and the sounds of gunfire had stopped. He figured it was a matter of time before Jaehwa moved somewhere where he couldn’t see him. Jungkook slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone and silencing it before unlocking the screen. A single message lit up his notification.

A message clarifying that he wanted dispatch.

Sending a quick glance to Jaehwa to make sure he was still distracted, Jungkook typed yes and his send. Languidly, he slipped the device back into his pocket and relaxed. Slipping his eyes shut, he smiled, humming softly. Response time to the warehouse only took two minutes and after informing them that two notorious mafia bosses were under one roof they were bound to send over thirty cars. They usually sent four just to apprehend himself; six if it was Tae.

The units would surround the warehouse, cutting off all exits and putting up a five block radius. Teams would guard each exit, a strikeforce storming the main room and throwing out some smoke bombs. In a few hours everyone in here would be apprehended or dead; including you and himself. And all Jungkook had to do was start yapping about his real father and Mr Mayor would have him free by morning. Just like always. With a little more twisting, you’d be free about an hour later and if Namjoon and Taehyung promised to keep you safe, they’d be out within the week on ‘technical issues’. All while Min Yoongi and his men served life sentences, maybe even the death penalty.

Jungkook had this all sorted out. He heard the faint sounds of sirens and he smirked.

He had this all figured out.

Several gunshots rang out down the hall, just outside the door and you flinched with each shot. Whatever scuffle the group was having was going to end soon and they were going to come back and most likely see you. They were going to see and you and they were going to do terrible things to you and they were going to kill you. That was the plain fact.

You curled into Jimin, wishing you could be anywhere but here.

The hall door slammed open, the sounds of shouting and dogs barkings reverberating along the walls. Several people were stomping, and the door to the room was shoved open, a man rushing in. You looked up to see the frantic eyes of Yoongi as he was tackled to the ground by several officers. They harshly pressed his face into the ground, jerking his arms behind his back.

“Yoongi?”

He stiffened, trying to look up at you, “Y/N!?” Yoongi managed to focus his gaze on you. His voice, that had sounded relieved immediately shifted as more officers stormed the room and forced you onto the ground as well, “Get the fuck off her!” He hissed, “You’re fucking here for me, right?!” One of the officers hesitated, looking between you and the sheet,

“She’s bleeding and we’ve got a body, send in an EMT and a Medical Examiner.” He pulled you up, letting you sit. The officer stared down at you, hand resting loosely on his gun. In the background, Yoongi venomously spat out curses, turning his sharp tongue on the men restraining him. You stared at the man in front of you, brows furrowing.

Why did he look familiar?

He moved his hand from his gun, holding it out to you, “You’re safe.” He quietly shushed you when you burst into tears. Gently his placed his hands on your shoulders, ordering the other men to get Yoongi out of there when his voice was suddenly booming; detailed threats hissed between clenched teeth. You moved from the captain, trying to follow after Yoongi, but he held you back. Yoongi was escorted out, his voice clearly heard until he was out of sight. “What’s your name?” he started, “What happened to this man? Did you do it? Did he hurt you?”

You shook your head at the questions; he was asking so many heavy questions. The way he was staring at you was triggering something and you couldn’t stop it. You didn’t understand why either. He sighed softly, hunching over to be eye level with you,

“Who hurt you? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything. Why are you letting them do this to you?” That was the same thing that Jungkook had said to you once. The captain smiled at you and all you saw was Jungkook.

The build.

The grin.

The soft rasp to his voice.

It was all Jungkook. He patted your hand,

“I’m Captain Jeon, by the way. Just tell me who hurt you and I’ll make it stop.”

This was his brother.