#that i havent gotten to do all semester

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

why am I feeling more anxious and weird now than I did while uni was going

[snailfen]

I Know I sound like a broken record saying this, BUT, again RUFFIAN AND RUFFLES GIVES ME LIFE, You are amazing!, also mild note, before you get very deep into this, if it feels like you're burning out, or people are forcing you to draw the comics, take a break, you deserve it champ!

thank you all for the kind words!!! I really do appreciate them a whole lot <:)

on a side note, i am aware, but a reminder never hurts cus i definitely need it! with that last ruff&ruff i did have a sketch prepared, but i figured that it should be mothers day related instead. i didnt expect it to take so long nor did i expect it to be 2 pages long. had to speedrun the whole thing on top of doing IRL mothersday stuff and CSP crashing on me LMAO

thankfully i can use that last sketch for next week, that way i can focus on an animation im working on and also schoolwork. I'm gonna be busy even after graduation (which. unfortunately not my choice) but im hoping once im out of high school I'll be able to really draw as much as I want to.

[melto]

something just like snapped in the back of my head like i Need to go like curl up in my room for like 5 days and play video games and not speak to like anyone

[ff2-soda-pop]

having. bad moment today alright-

[birbtails]

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[chej23]

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[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[somer-writes]

well so

i hit 100 works on ao3 today bc im a menace

99 of the works are linked universe

1 is an original work ive debated taking down but havent bothered yet

so stat updates!

half a million words o.0

twilight prince is my most popular work in hits and kudos!

puppysitting and the evening queen retain their ranking in the top 5!

thank you to everyone! mutuals, friends, regulars, and new readers alike! i love this fandom and sharing my work and i love that somebody finds some enjoyment in it :D

updates:

depletion, a breeze from the south, and twilight prince are still going! depletion was supposed to be like 3 chapters and has gotten out of control a little bit XD so i need to work on it a little bit. i need to figure out the next step for twilight prince as well! a breeze from the south is *also* a modern au so i have to tread carefully so i dont mix up my au lores XD

i will be cutting fluff works in between updates on the heavier works (lookin at you, demise) as i know those get to be a lot to swallow and arent for everyone!

longer wips might get put on hold for febuwhump! if i really challenge myself, i might do both febuwhump and febufluff or do every other day? idk yet

my classes started today so updates may slow down as im in a 4000 level class this semester with lots of reading

otw! stay warm and healthy! wear a mask if you need to and drink lots of water!

give yourself at least one compliment every day!

you're all lovely and special and ily all <3

[gothamgothic]

(In character post) Sorry I havent been posting much! I have had some big life developments. That apartment I was talking about? I am in the process of moving in. Rogue activity in the area is spiking - but that is just - part of life. I brought Mango with me (the stray pittie that lived in the alley behind my old apartment), and she has fallen in love with being a couch potato pooch.

Outside of that, I've reached the point in my education where I am looking into internships, I'm still deciding if I want to intern here in the city or not.

If I leave the city I will likely need to move for a semester or more - I actually have a company in Central City offering me an internship with their botanical research program as an example.

The only real option here in the city is with Wayne Enterprises - I do like the work they are doing, but I already have people concerned about my work with Fin (one of Ivy's carnivorous plants I've been studying for a thesis paper). I haven't fully decided, because as chaotic as Gotham is - after you have been here a while... other places just feel strange.

------

(OOC: Hi guys! Its gotten busy IRL- sorry I haven't been posting. I have a couple updates coming up in the next few weeks - including some character arts im working on for Gothic - that I am excited to share with you all. Hope you are all doing well!)

[everythingmatters]

it;s crazy how unmotivated i am this semester considering it's my last one like im soooo close to finishing n yet im just sitting here very close to just ruining it all. i say this on here literally all the time but like i've been doing this damn degree for 5 years and i havent had any sort of break from studying even just a short one since june last year because of summer/winter/placement units so im just so OVER it but i only need to hold out for a few more weeks but i'm sooooo tired and i dont want to. i just do not want to. i should have gotten all my priestley 11 out of the way early i only have ethics left which i'm doing over the summer but tbh i don't even need to do the unit i'm so ethical they should just read my journal and give me a grade based on how i feel instead of making me do the unit. i'm 4 weeks behind in readings still. in one of the top 5 law schools in the country btw if u even care

[avantguardisme]

so turns out that my general low-energy levels are not just my Vibe or the depression doing its thing and i in fact have! anemia! and also possibly some sort of thyroid issue! turns out going to the doctor for a general check up was a very good decision even though i didnt think anything was wrong!

admittedly the anemia thing is not the most surprising since im pretty sure my mom has had similar issues in the past. also i have pretty heavy periods so it was always a Possibility, just not something i ever really considered on the regular u kno. im mostly just a mix of kind of annoyed i have to deal with this and relieved this bloodwork caught issues that are clearly Issues (my iron & ferritin levels are apparently Very Low lmao and my thyroid is doing something wacky although i havent been diagnosed w anything yet), esp since ive just gotten so used to a certain low level of energy over time that i didnt even realize i was having issues? just praying i can get stuff all dealt with soon so that i can have enough energy to deal w the upcoming semester :/

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y'know, in starting a joke application for a cadetship program aimed at year 12 students with a four year degree on it..... at my home uni the other day, only bc seek that "you might be a strong applicant!" when i already have an undergrad arts degree..... i was BLOWN away at how much they were charging for their different uni entrance courses, AND how low some of the entry scores were for some of them.

so, for example, for me looking at uni back in 2013, my ATAR (uni entrance mark akin to an SAT score for americans and the A levels in the UK) was 38.25; and my uni's college (which i guess [???] is like community college in the states, i honestly have no idea tbh) prep course, whose entry mark was at least 50 something, i think. so that then, technically meant that i was "too stupid" to evem do a prep course for uni, not counting that i refused to the the mandatory maths course which was expected to be either year 10 to year 12 maths.... bc BRO i am doing an ARTS degree in english!!!??? why the FUCK do i HAVE to do maths for it???? when i just KNOW i'm going to fail it???? how fucking stupid and waste of space on my study schedule!!! (said the girl who still struggles to understand graphs to this day and actively REFUSED to do a sociology or psychology or business/commerce degree or cross major/minor bc they ALL required stats lmao)

anyway, that's besides the point. the point is that that course was almost the same price as my advanced diploma. coming in at $17,500 i think, while my AD was 16.5k. so even if i'd gone to do the uni prep course instead, i'd've started uni with a hefty asf hecs debt already, anyway, much like my AD gave me before i EVEN GOT INTO UNI.

but now through the uni, the new course that they would put you in for an arts degree if you don't meet the requirements is a diploma of arts/social sciences and humanities. this course costs basically 23k ($22,800). one of the entry stream options is open to a ATAR minimum of 30/minimum of 65% in 4 hsc subjetcs/70% in 3 subjects for recent high school finishers or probs if i went back to do another degree, they'd go off my hsc marks and my atar (not that im actively looking at going back, obvs bc ive already got 65.5k of fucking hecs/vet fee help (from business college) that i still havent managed to make ANY headway on paying off at all). i juts like looking up the changing field of tertiary ed tbh.

like obvs it's not the uni fault that it's that expensive, since the previous liberal (rightwing/tory/repub) government here in aus purposely jacked up the prices of arts subjects and arts degrees, so EVERY arts subject is like 2.5k or more a semester. so an arts degree is now like 16k to 17k A YEAR (and so are commerce and law). but my point is, you're already lumping a low-marked student with a SIGNIFICANT debt with the 22.8k for a "diploma in arts etc"... which ok can get you into the second year of a degree.

but STILL. if i did this route today as a graduating year 12 student.... how likely would i be to stay with a 2 semester course costing 22k a year or a one sem course costing $11,250?? esp if my atar is 30 or lower. given mine was 38.25 and i BARELY got through uni by the skin of my teeth..... if i'd gotten into uni with that in 2014, with the rest of my year group cohort. dude, i would've dropped out. HELL, i nearly did anyway with my AD bc that was practically 3 years. and i eventually dropped out in postgrad (although never formally) bc i burnt out and stressed out over my EVER-MOUNTING student debt that my dad kept telling me to ignore. just wild.

i think this is a large contributing factor besides the cost of degrees; as to why there's so many people dropping out of uni. like. funneling in very obviously under-achieving students (although sometimes through no fault of their own- ie mental health and for example, my battle with the board of studies to get a FUCKING LAPTOP.... to NOT be classed a a "cheater" and "lazy" and NOT classing my teachers, GP and 2 occupational therapists as liars on my behalf bc apparently the only perceived "CORRECT WAY" to sit the HSC is by hand writing it)..... are getting funneled into courses and dropping out.. bc of already incurring a massive nearly 22k debt JUST TO GET INTO uni.

or maybe not- it's also high achieving students now as well (bc of degree costs).... but in general, HA students just get to walk straight in at the end of hign school (not counting if they've already appllied for early entry). like obvs maybe many of these students actually end up flourishing bc they get to choose what to study and major in something they actually like..... as opposed to just choosing w/e the fuck their school had to offer (like me getting stuck with biology instead of drama or senior science.... both subjects that the school i moved didnt have the resources for, for senior years). and the other subjects that are compulsory (english)/treated as compulsory by schools but were made optional by the government (maths) filling up their timetables and ruining their performance in the HSC.

but yeah. the debt is huge. and was huge in the first place already. but still. the way understandably apathetic, anxious and depressed students like myself for VERY OBVIOUS REASONS in year 12, are made to pay through the nose as opposed to more assiduous, studious, talented and successful students will ALWAYS grind my gears.

[fulgurbugs]

ok at this point i just need to explain. how fucking insane this stupid semester long assignment has been to yall.

So basically, over the semester in addition to the textbook, there have been extra readings we've had to read and over the class students have been leading in-class discussions on them. pretty standard stuff and everything.

the problem comes with this. each one we had to write a 600 word summary and reflection to go with each one. we had to turn in half at midterms, and im handing the second half the last regular class of the semester (tomorrow) she took one reading out so this was 17 readings total, 9 by midterm, 7 at final

as you can imagine, that sounds really not like the worst thing in the world but quickly spirals as you realized how fucking long this actually is printed out and formatted. this was the first half of the assignment

(note. literally 20 pages. big ass fucking packet when stapled together)

now, because this assignment is so long, AND this professor is a notoriously slow grader, I actually haven't been handed back this full assignment yet. last class, she handed back everyone a PARTIAL graded section of the first half of the assignment.

I received the first 4 pages of my 20 page paper back. and then, I also realized I had received a very low grade on it (like 68 I think?) which was weird, because she had said she wasn't going to be grading these very harshly like she normally does.

so i check the notes and its like this

ok, so basically she took off 1/3 of my points per entry for missing citation! what the fuck! because as you'll note,

obviously there are fucking in text citations. you can even see one of them next to the writing in the first image. clearly there are citations, but she's graded me like there aren't full citations in a bibliography at the end. but there are! every pdf assigned has a full bibliography entry at the end of the paper. like obviously, these are just the in-text citations for specific information i've pulled from the text.

but anyways. I bring this up with her in class, to make sure im not gonna be losing 1/3 of my grade for this, and it turns out what she's been doing is literally going through each paper, reading the first entry for the first reading, then reading the next paper's first entry only, and so on, and then going through every paper and reading the second entry, instead of grading each paper all the way through at once.

so since she was doing this, she never checked that I had actually provided citations by flipping to the end of my paper and seeing my 9 citations of every reading, as requested? whatever. what the hell. she said I'd get the points back so whatever, ill keep an eye on my grade to make sure she remembers to bring them back. (im not expecting to get full grades on the citations anyways, i've had this professor for two semesters and i've literally never fucking gotten them fully correct once somehow) I just want to not have a 0/4 on citations.

but anyways, I put off reading a bunch of the articles til right before it was due (not anyones fault but mine, im causing my own pain for this one lol) and im just speedrunning this, putting my citations before each entry so theres no fucking way she can miss them, and this thing is still

14 pages long.

so she hasn't graded 16/20 pages of the first one yet, and now everyone's gonna be handing her 14-16 more pages of writing for her to grade tomorrow. its never gonna get graded on time. I havent received my midterm test grade back yet. why does she do this. why did she need 34 pages of writing summary on these readings. why couldn't she make it 300 words per article. truly baffling stuff

but the paper is written, shitass garbage style and i am free.

[frootloopsl]

Hello!

I'm a new follower and someone who's only just discovered you, Your drawings are always chiefs kiss and scratch my brain.

Without trying to sound weird or tread on any toes, how do you feel about Meronia? I want to commission you after seeing that Mello and Near atla sketch you did, just something like them holding hands but I can only see you talking about Lawlight or beyondlaw on your page!

I just wanted to ask so I don't offend you if I messaged you (Because it has happened in the past where I've asked lawlight artsits and they've gotten angry and said they won't draw that ship in a million years) which is okay, I've just gotten too nervous to message directly now. Thats why I am asking on anon. So I am hoping i don't make you angry!

Love all your art by the way <3

hi!! thank you so much i get so so happy when people say they enjoy my art <3!!

i love meronia! i have drawn them only a couple of times under their tag but i would love to draw more of them but yeah i havent had that much time this last semester, dont worry about anything of that anon im totally okay with most of dn ships and i personally like them a lot!!

feel free to dm me here or on twitter! :3

[soggypotatoes]

yesterday i wrote a whole essay, proofread it, went through it with my housemate for a second proofread, and also watched a whole lecture to start preparing for the next essay

yall dont even know how huge this is, i havent written an essay without multiple panic attacks since i started getting assigned them as a kid

and it was fucking easy, like, it was fun! it was like a puzzle. researching, writing, and editing it was playing a game of figuring out how to answer the question in the most concise way possible. mind, it's not too impressive bc these essays are only 500 words, but like. every single essay i've gotten i wrote in a panicked frenzy days/weeks after it was due in an allnighter without so much as reading it over after. i have 4 due this semester, and one of them i finished a month early and it was the same as this one.

i wish i knew exactly how i got here, bc it was very sudden. just last year i went so crazy about a report i had to write that i wound up in the psych ward for a month and a half. this is no joke, i'm like, neurotic about this shit, bc writing was how i managed to get my parents to pay attention to me as a kid. it's got WEIGHT to me.

i've been in full time therapy for years now, taking every piece of me apart and working things out. it's been *years*, it's been painful, but it fucking does something. i really hope bringing all of this lived experience together with what i'm gonna do at uni does something good for people. not that it matters if it doesn't; i'm doing all of this for me. i just... yk. i want people to know. you dont have to live like this forever

[slimeranch7]

yo has anyone played path to nowhere? i had it on my list of games to try a while ago but i literally havent clicked on the app until like yesterday cuz of how busy the semester's been. i havent gotten far at all in the story so my grasp on the shackle mechanics and mental warfare everyone has to go through is still pretty shallow, but its not just the plot and gacha that got me hooked...

i'll admit its the fact that you literally get to shackle hot ladies to your will knowing that they could probably cleanly slit your throat after fucking you stupid if you so much as let your guard down for a fraction of a second. maybe purposefully overloading your senses by abusing the connection to get you all overwhelmed and compliant. taking control of your flustered state but then making a show out of relinquishing it after they've thoroughly fucked you up just because they know for a fact that you can't (you won't) do anything about it.

taking full advantage of the fact that there's too much guilt and mental baggage for you to berate them for rawing you silly in your own office even after you've asked them to calm down and stop harrassing you. chalking it up to having unstable M levels whenever they get particularly aggressive even though you both know full well that the shackles should have it perfectly under control. shackled sinners competing with each other to see who can get their oh-so-stoic chief to cry or pass out or worst of all, beg. hah, imagine a master begging to their own dogs.

except they're not dogs. they're fully sentient human beings with their own thoughts and desires and needs (and a dash of 'angst, unfortunate pasts and circumstances'). what they think of is how well they could ruin their cute, naive little chief who thinks she's safe from corruption and ruin with her cute little shackle powers. what they desire is to hold your power, your dignity, in their hands only for them to crush it right above you. what they need is for you to plead and beg for their mercy when they corner your at the most unsuspecting moments.

like that power dynamic has got my hands shakin n heart racin. im burning through ao3 fics at an embarrassingly fast rate.

tell me im trash for liking this shit or somethin pls 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i cant do this i need somewhere to let all of this out

also this doesnt mean im stopping genshin stuff!!! i'm currently splitting myself between a kokomi, ying'er (yes i know...) and ayaka piece. it's just perfectionism hindering me from posting anything for a good while. merry crisis everyone!!! 🎄🎄🎄🎄