#that legit sucks if youre just making shit up like that. your souls ugly as hell if youre just doing it for laughs. die bitch 💥💥💥

[skeletalheartattack]

if the tbh could beatbox

[notepadsandtealeaves]

Dick Grayson x GN!Reader in: The Franken-Bat Rises

12 Days of Batmas || Day 5—Ugly Sweaters

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

↞ previous: let’s wrap this up || wrapping presents

|| ao3 version | 12 days m.list | batboys tag | main blog ||

|| dames day 5 | jay day 5 | tim day 5 ||

“Uh, Richard? What, uhh, what is that?”

“A sweater,” he says—no announces. He’s clearly proud of something, though for the life of you, you cannot figure out what.

“You sure about that?”

If you listen closely you can almost hear Bruce wondering where he went wrong.

🌟 Once again these are all v. loosely connected. I guess it technically starts with Dick, but honestly you can read them in any order.

🌟 Really the only thing that connects them is the fact that it’s Dick’s turn to pick the theme of their annual Christmas Eve party and he went with ‘ugly holiday sweaters’. They’re having a competition and the winner gets to pick which movie’s they’ll be binge watching that night, so naturally they’re going all in lol.

↠ Requested By: Not a soul lol ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW fluff ((but my blog’s 18+ if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ CWs: There’s some implied intimacy in the ficlet. Nothing too racy, but you definitely can tell where things are heading lol… ↠ Betas? Nah, we don’t do that here. ↠ Total WC: 1.6k~

Headcanon || WC: ~500

🌟 I’ll give you three guesses as to which brother thought DIY-ing ugly sweaters was a good idea.

🌟 Of course it was Richard John Grayson, because who the hell else would it be? Lol…

🌟 He’s always had a weakness for shit like this.

I picture him as being the kid that always went ten thousand steps beyond every time he had to do any class projects and this is just more of the same, really.

🌟 Christmas is already his favorite holiday, if only for the aesthetics.

Snow makes everything look better and Gotham is no exception. Add to that all the lights and colorful decorations and general good vibes/holiday cheer (and the mandatory family time) and *chef’s kiss*

But as lovely as classic holiday glamour is, he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t love a good ugly sweater. The gaudier the better.

We’re talking pom-poms, tinsel, puff paint, glitter, the works.

🌟 Of course you could always go out and buy something premade, but where’s the fun in that? And if there’s a competition—and given the state of this family there will most certainly be a competition—how can entering something that you got off of a rack be fair?

🌟 So yeah, you’re pretty much stuck making a sweater. Suck it up, buttercup lol.

If you’re resistant to the idea at first it doesn’t really matter as this charming mf knows just what it takes to bring you around.

Doesn’t matter if it’s honeyed words, kisses, or straight out bribery with actual cash money—he’s not above any of it lol.

((Though I would hope it would never come to such an extreme point; he’s a sweetie that never hesitates to give you the best of everything, so the least you can do is indulge him in this, I think.))

🌟 Your living room looks like a Michaels threw up in it by the time he’s got everything laid out.

He loads up on (almost lmao) everything, even stuff that he knows has no business on a sweater.

Dude really doesn’t see the problem with putting legit glass ornaments on a fucking sweater, Richard, bby, no—not everyone’s as freakishly coordinated as your family ;n;

There’s also more glitter involved than what you’ll probably be okay with, but it’s fine. You’ll just be shimmery for the rest of your lives, it’s fine lol.

🌟 Once you get into it, it’ll actually be really fun! Plus you’ll be getting all the smooches and cuddles you can handle for the duration, so there’s also that. It’ll be a grand ol’ time–

🌟 –well that is until you realize that the sweater that he’s opted to use for his creation is actually one of your favorites to see on him and there’s no way to replace it as he bought it several years ago when vacationing in Milan and “–goddammit Grayson, why would you do this terrible thing???!”

🌟 Good thing he’s so fucking cute, yeah?

The Franken-Bat Rises || WC: 1.1k~

“So what’s on the agenda for to-” You stop short as you try to make sense of the monstrosity that your man is so proudly brandishing. “Uh, Richard? What, uhh, what is that?”

“A sweater,” he says—no announces. He’s clearly proud of something, though for the life of you, you cannot figure out what.

“You sure about that?”

He laughs, long and loud, as he finally drops his arms allowing you to see him fully. His ridiculously handsome face is made all the more so by the light flush that his mirth has brought about, and there’s a warm glow to be found in the sapphire of his eyes as he regards you with a crooked grin. You return the sentiment as you reluctantly drop your gaze back to the jumper. Unlike the man that holds it the thing is ugly. Like offensively so. Said offense multiplies tenfold when you realize that it’s actually one of your favorite sweaters to see him in. The forest green material hugs his muscled frame just so, leaving very little to the imagination, not to mention the fact that it’s soft as hell…

For him to have destroyed its glorious silhouette with pompoms, miniature gift boxes, and is that a legitimate glass bulb ornament? This… this is a crime. One against humanity and any and all exalted entities out there in the universe—one of the highest order.

“Hideous, isn’t it?” he says as he shakes the thing for emphasis.

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“More like your expression, sweets.”

You share a laugh at that before uttering a very emphatic “Why?”

“Well you know how we all like to get together on Christmas Eve?” he starts, grin wide.

“Yeah…”

“And you know how there’s a different theme every year?”

“Oh god…”

“I’ll give you three guesses as to whose turn it was to pick this year.”

The sound you make in reply is caught somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “So an ugly sweater party then? I bet Dames is thrilled.”

“He’s already sent a grip of texts to the group chat, and several to me personally, promising bodily harm if anyone outside of the family ever sees the pics.”

“I second that motion.”

He snorts at that, though he’s quick to agree when he sees the look you’re giving him. “Anyways!” he continues on, “I got the stuff all set up in the front room, so whenever you’re ready we can get started on yours.”

You know exactly what he’s referring to, but you still find yourself asking, “My what?”

“You’re sweater, of course! You cute, silly little goose!”

“Dick…”

This is not how you planned on spending your rare shared day off. You just wanted to cuddle up with him and block out the rest of the world and any semblance of responsibility for the next twenty-four hours. It was the perfect plan, but you can see it slipping further and further away the longer he talks.

“Aww, come on babe, don’t be like that! It’ll be fun,” he promises as he tucks you in under his arm. “I got all types of decorations and snacks and a hot glue gun for that extra bootleg, homemade look.”

He tries to turn you towards the hall as he speaks, but you resist him with planted feet. Ignoring the potent puppy-dog eyes he’s shamelessly tossing your way, you give him a quick rundown on why his little plan won’t work, at least not today. “Okay, firstly hot glue guns should not be lumped in with the ‘fun’ stuff—those things are scary and hurt-y, not fun. Secondly, decorations and snacks are all well and good, but we’re still missing the main ingredient.”

“Which is?”

“A sweater, Richard. I don’t have any I’m willing to sacrifice to the cause and it’s snowing too hard to go out get one.” Thank fuck, you silently amend.

Dick considers your words as he rubs over the stubble he’s been growing out these past few days. Well ‘stubble’ is both too grand of a word and not; part struggle beard, part heavy five o’clock shadow, you’ve never seen facial hair grow in so uneven before. He swears it’ll be more presentable in a week’s time, but for now he—and by proxy you—are stuck dealing with this mildly terrible transition phase.

“Ooo! Idea!” The latter word is punctuated with a loud clap that leaves you flinching from its suddenness. His apology comes in the form a quick peck to your temple before he continues on. “Yes, an idea has been had. Okay, so you know what’s cute? You.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, babe.”

“Ah, but you didn’t let me finish. You’re cute, yes, but you know what never fails to enhance said cuteness? Oversized clothes.”

Oh. Oh no. You know exactly where he’s going with this.

You can tell the exact moment the dawning crests on your face because his smile goes unbearably smug. The expression would be better suited to any of his brother’s faces, though to be fair you don’t really mind it on his so long as it’s not leaving you at a deficit like it is now.

For his part Dick moves past you to dig around in the back of the closet until he pulls out the cursed item. The result of an ‘all sales final’ online purchase, the sweater he produces with a flourishing flick of his wrists is comically large—so large in fact that it can fit you, him, Steph, and Cass in it somewhat comfortably so long as you don’t all try to use the neckhole at once.

…Look. Sleep deprivation makes people do weird things, and you’ve all agreed to never speak of the incident again—not because anything weird or terrible happened, but because it’s funnier that way, especially since Bruce desperately wants to know what the fuck he walked in on that night but he’s too disturbed to ask. None of you volunteer any information, though you do occasionally toss one another a look when he’s around before cackling because you know, and more importantly he knows, though not to the extent that he wishes.

The more sinister part of your mind gets to working then, thinking about finally getting Bruce to maybe possibly crack by showing up in an artfully jankified version of the dreaded sweater. Your thoughts must be showing on your face again, because your man sidles up to you with a devious smile.

“If I told you we could widen the neck enough for both of us to use it and go full on Franken-Bat, would that sweeten the deal?”

“Oh, most assuredly.”

“Then shall we?”

He smirks as you accept the arm that is extended to you without any further protests. Did he play you? Mayhaps, but it’s all whatever. Your quiet-chill-time can wait, for now you’ve got a Bat to break.

Up Next:

🌟 Day 6: They Never Stood a Chance || Baking Cookies

“Richard my love, why are you this way?”

He shrugs at that, laughing a bit. “Poor impulse control, probably. A better question is why do you love me for it?”

Look. It was his cheat day, okay?

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2020 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

[syncogon]

sad only 480p version this time, and delayed. oh well, temptation too strong, and clips on the weibo looked promising, so let’s go

mjy sighhh i guess he’s just dumb not malicious but man

“the truth isn’t important” glasses shing. oh wow that hair swish tho that was like unnecessarily well animated hahaha

iiiii just want jhx to tell off yy!! i think that’d be great, what a faceslap! also wtf is this thing? iron supplements?? a spray? icy-hot? 铁打损伤喷雾?? god i spent like five minutes trying to mouse-trace those characters and i still don’t know if this is supposed to be significant or if it’s just significant that jhx caught yy doing shady shit 

anyway given music / context it seems jhx is annoyed at what yy is doing? so yay friggin finally. “our classes aren’t at nanhua” nice 

“xu-da” vs “xu-ge” hmm. anyway jhx don’t fall for the lies. jhx is like sx, annoying and chuuni but probably isn’t as obnoxiously awful as he first appears... probably.... maybe. 

goddd sucks that the full version of this op is kinda weird, because i LOVE this op so much like holy crap. jiyi bei yingfu huanxing.... 

man now im like stressed about the yf at the airport scene. trailer showed an airport. what’s gonna happennn

this exchange about dd feels so weird like it sounds like ctg is trying to explain they’re not in any pre-relationship or smth but maggie is like “i don’t mind” in a way that makes it sound like she wouldn’t mind if they’re together? what??? but whatever

ok i really enjoy this cr/yf dynamic. like i feel like it’s a bit ooc and yf as portrayed here is maybe too far on the acquiescence but also it’s really funny and sparks joy for me so i’ll buy it. i’m happy to see like established relationship stuff i think bc i generally don’t in the stuff i watch. speaking of which i’m super glad that they didn’t make the awful dumb move of trying to insert like Another wack love triangle drama dynamic thing in this like the fans want yecong and tianmai!!

wowwww it’s so nice how supportive cr is being tho like i love to see it!

handholding!! soft!! nice inversion of the earlier part where cr is bandaging his fingers. but like -

WHY DOES SHE HAVE MARKS/CALLUSES ON HER THUMB AND NOT HER PINKY??? like ok i have not played ukelele but i sure have my own share of stringed instrument finger calluses and you don’t?? press on the string with your thumb???

still, they’re trying, it’s a cute detail, i appreciate it. i liked that one wwgk review i watched yesterday that pointed out s1 was like a coming of age story disguised as a music story, whereas s2 is like a real music story.... 

wait this is incredibly cute wtf. oh my god. 

YF SIGHED/FACEPALMED AT THAT? COME ON!! WTF THAT’S SO RUDE? THAT WAS ACTUALLY LIKE PRETTY GOOD?? AND SHE DID THIS JUST FOR YOU? like maybe not performance ready but bro she’s learned for two days!! also holy shit the strumming animation is really good for smth like this im impressed! that reminds me of the like actually legit violin animation they showed in the trailer yo im so ready 

like i totally understand the frustration (damn, maggie’s face... 3 free performances? really?) but also i feel SO BAD FOR CR HERE this is so awkward oh my godddd at least ctg like tries to apologize to her (and cr’s reaction to this whole thing is also v solid, good for her) but still like damn 

aww ahh man im glad maggie still like! supports encourages cr here! that’s also char dev being able to like get past her own complicated emotions at least for this sort of gesture 

awwww i also like seeing maggie’s coping, the happiness philosophy i always thought that was super interesting. she’s a great char! and i think running is good

animators animate a girl running normally challenge

oh nice you have to walk a bit after sprinting, good

the train track scenes are so pretty wahhh 

does... does the track just end there? what

the ~significance~ of maggie now sharing this piece of her that used to be a yf thing, with ctg 

also excellent bgm - oh omg it’s og soul link remix!!! 

“i don’t want you to go” 

MY GOD HE’S FINALLY MAKING A REAL MOVE. and one based in real friendship. GOD FUCKING FINALLY CTG AAAAAA she’s cryyying man this exchange is also pretty cute ngl 

i can’t believe they figured this out a full 4 episodes before the finale 

this is so pretty here wahhhhhh i wanna ss the whole thing in 1080p 

awhhhhhh

they never released pink twilight shanghai!! i want this ver!!! 

aww yayyy open still cheering her on - YF BE NICE TO YOUR GF COME ON

haha this is like reverse of cr tutoring him - WAIT YEAH YF YOU WERE A SHITTY ASS STUDENT COMPARED TO HER BE EXTRA NICE 

also remixed dream i dig it! sounds like new lyrics? 

julliard hahahaha

dong dong goddess

HAHAHA did dd just steal ctg’s fries

ctg: expressing some deep thoughts

me: just watching dd

“forever confident, forever happy” 

wait sooooooo are they a thing now or what did that count as a confession

“and qing’er is finally here” WHAT’S THE TEAAAAA WE STILL DON’T REALLY KNOW

“im a guitarist this is fine” YOU GO DD I LOVE YOU 

BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE 

omg oyzq. you’d think they were trying to extort a confession from him. what the hell is this instrument he said what is a xiao 箫. A WOODEN FLUTE? YOOO THAT’S COOL my god PLEASE let us get some kickass trad/modern fusion music im so ready 

“i trust ouyang” ahhh double char surnames are cool

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

“because i’m about to have surgery on my knee” REALLY? REALLY? IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU’RE GOING TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS? FOLKS I AM LOSING MY SHIT I HAVEN’T LAUGHED OUT LOUD LIKE THIS IN SO LONG

ok this is interesting tho he’s not a dick for the hell of it it’s out of desperation or smth. but like half a year, oh no, what a horror. (i’m fresh out of hb feels ok you shaddap // tho i can also imagine the knife, like in lotus bloom, where they didn’t think szp’s injury was permanent). tho i do also like the “then we’ll be seniors we won’t have time to perform” but also that’s just a reminder that all of these ppl are like frigging 16 year olds and i still cannot take this seriously

i like “i didn’t expect, that i couldn’t give you the confidence to win”. god im so glad this confrontation is happening. man this feels like a wrap up already are they really spending all 3 last episodes on the competition? what’s the story gonna be? 

feel like he’d be less ugly with hairstyle that looked more consistently like this. anyway sucks that both of them are so ugly otherwise there’s some nice sun/moon (+stars?) imagery you can get going here

GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT 

pretty! i wanna save this hq

it’s this bgm!!! godd i just want this track so bad

an empty beach?? in china near shanghai??? 

anyway ahhh it’s the iconic beach shot! i like how the promo ver cuts out dd lmfao

wow nine episodes in and cookie finally gets a character moment??? cookieeeeeeee i missed you

ok i can’t ship them he calls her shifu but also THIS IS SUCH A CUTE FRIENDSHIP calling every day 10 minutes?? wow!! i love dongdong and i love cookie. also this hits different in covid times “no one says that we can’t be friends because of distance” 

oh i guess they are pushing this as a ship. meh.

wahhhhh. need this hq then i have more propic material. 

HE HAS COVID 

ah lang is VIBING oh to be the ah lang of my own life. parasurfing. walking into poles. 

wow this is so modern! the red bag thing! wow i do love this show flexing the modern-ness 

this is the mercedes benz arena im SURE of it ahhhh holy crap this crowd. oh to be in a crowd without mask

IT’S THIS DUDE AGAIN like the trailer spoiled this but if i found out this right here right now i would’ve lost my shit my god hahhaah

im like torn about how i feel about cr’s dress like idk if it fits her well even if it’s pretty

:<

oh im scared i hope this doesn’t become embarrassing 

:0

OMG THEY INCLUDED PENCIL SKETCH OF THAT S1 SCENE. HAHAHA. char growth yayyyyy

ok anyway im happy!! spent like an hour watching this or something lmao but good times!! much better than last ep HAHA yayyy im so glad we’re finally at the comp and lots of these little things have been tied up now im ready for new song drops!!!

[nightwingvixen23]

JayRoy short fanfic I whipped up inspired by this god damned song right here lol👇

@aceofenderdark i was in a legit mood lol

💘💘💘

Roy speaks in the way that Siren’s sing, flooding venom in to my mouth and watching it drip like a ruptured peach to the sting of front teeth. Ripping such fragile skin into nasty pieces of flesh, letting lay bare the very salacious core hidden in the seam. 

His flaming hair has grown out (frequently used to twisting or tying it up into a knot) tonight it remains loose. Untamed. And my fingers play through that somehow flawless shit storm, tangling each lock into madness; they overall might dangle into his glaring eyes but that does nothing to befog the fire smoking from within. He looks wild above me. Never have I asked to be such a blooded piece of meat at the ready to be gutted; staring into the yawning mouth of the lion, of whom, is fucking starved. 

Right now, I know that he knows that it’s not his nails nor teeth that I fear will gift me new damage, but his eyes. They inspire, burn, destroy. I’m left suspended in the company of a gore leaking orifice that bellows ‘look at me’ should my mind toe outside the line of our depraved Love Nest; this being no more then the feral charge then skirmish to the floor of a Gotham City safehouse.

We sure are givin’ some poor son of a bitch a show, I think, spotting the newfangled surveillance camera I hadn’t noticed sooner, newly installed high left. My mind darts to Tim making my hands sweat, however, Roy’s fingers bruising my chin pull me back down into the waters of our fucked up little fantasy. 

The holsters loyal to each my thighs are disengaged, followed by the faint skidding rattle of two M1911 pistols being launched across a cement floor. This all titters a secret to me that I am now in the hands of no mercy.

It’s during a moment like this (offering myself over to be caught in the line of fire) that I swear by the unholy mess in me that Roy Harper is some sort of Saintly Deity of Insanity that which no god can put a name to. Why else would I worship this fucker’s dick like i do ? Call me crude, vulgar, whatever...doesn’t change the fact that the shitty ass truth, is in fact, the shitty ass truth. That truth being that I demand his unsympathetic grip akin to an infant demanding it’s very first breath of life. The affliction of every scar mapping my body is something that I didn’t fuckin’ ask to be met with, nevertheless, something about the power that comes with directing an overdose of a serpentine thirst such as this one that makes me feel more in control then when my hands are gripping lead. 

Our lips meet with vigor. I’ve never known it to be smooth. Never known us to take our time, yanno ? It’s always fierce. Hot. A clash of potent teeth seeking to grip and rip apart tender skin. To taste blood. And what’s a good fuck without the taste of blood ? C’mon. We’re deep. We’re thorough: two adrenaline filled junkies having gotten our first real swallow of the golden necator that has seduced us, dripping from uncut fruit laying bare in our wake while with instructions to never have one bite; we’re obsessed.

The tinkering jangle of an unhooked belt. The lick of Roy’s tongue into my mouth still tasting of shitty liquor from the corner store. A sinners Paradise. I tilt my head back for him and let teeth ascend onto my neck. I’m the lamb, sticking it’s neck out for the butcher. I want this. I want him to brand me intensely then cool it with a kiss because that is something that this world has done too many fucking times to me, and I’ve got the scars to prove it. 

Yeah, only because the world never did leave a kiss of apology.

Chewed mint gum, stale tobacco, and secrets kept out in the rain for far too long, left to tarnish with the coming of nightfall; this is his eternal flavour. 

Isn’t there some goddamn way for us to endure this way ? Twined together ? Just like this. Simply him ritualizing my abdomen that rose and fell with shaky gasps, his tongue marveling the carved indent of muscle there, tracing every groove proving personal fortitude. Proving that my ass didn’t get dropped down onto this fuckin waste land of a planet just to roll over like a creature without fight.

A trifling jungle, Life is.

“God. What a million mother fuckers would trade to see the Red Hood in this wrecked state. You wanna beg for me, doll ? That’s right. Beg for me then,” Roy’s voice is an instrument. His words, musical of filth. I’m being serenaded by the devil and it’s mother fuckin’ magical. Even so, I aim to punch him in the throat. I wasn’t gonna do much damage, was just gonna let him know what toes the line, but his hand wraps around my curled wrist and my bicep tenses. I’m straining to reach him. Straining to infect him, however somewhere in the tangle of that violence dance I strained also for his mouth like an addict for a needle. A taboo puppet. A homicidal angel, like he once called me before I spit in his eye earning my face into the wall.

What even are we doing, Roy Harper ? Why do we do this ? And why does it feel so right to scream your name into the hush of a blacked out room while you turn me inside out ? I’d ring God on the manner, but fuck—I just start pissing myself with laughter each time I start.

Gotta love this shade of grey I’ve established my life in the thick of. Grey is the blueprint of a soul caught in limbo. It’s a nice color. The ambiance is sedated, disrupted here and there by the tortured hollar of a condemned conscience—but life ain’t no fucking picnic.

Then again, even a tongue tied fool knows that.

…...

I can feel the frayed corners of ultimate reality beginning to shimmer. Roy watches me rising high even while knowing that soon I’ll crash, we will, together. And it’s so gorgeous for just a second that I could die like this. I know that it gets old hearing others romanticize death, yet I serious in the face of it. Serious and deeply, deeply in enamoured. Swept upon sandy beaches as to evade the lusting leviathan of the sea again and again. But I just wade back into the waters, deluded at times. Something like a drunk falling around town with an empty bottle of gin; everyone stares but no one will give directions to the nearest pub.

The vast gulf of the abyss beckons nearer with breath peppered by wanderlust and saliva spiked in moonshine. I can only take so much, however I’m forced, and so gorge on this easy feast.

Has a human ever been so unsteady and yet resistant ? So crippled and yet defiant ? I have many bones to pick with myself. I’ve splintered the masterpiece of my life into something ugly.

But I am a beast, aren’t I? And a Beast has always been one to see the Beauty in crude things. There is peace in the bloodstains, there is marvelous enrichment in the grimace of the faces. Cut me deeper Roy, squeeze red from my flesh so to let me continue my artistry. Open up the brushes of my fingers with your fangs and allow this woeful composer to create something for us both to laugh at.

Each finger in my mouth taste like pure sin. They scrape my gums until lips go down onto mine; then the fingers are put back into place. I choke. He chuckles. Fucking bastard.

Through these eyes of mine white with carnal tears, I look up and into the face of the man I didn’t mean to fall in love with wearing my blood upon his lips like a god damned badge of honor.

There’ll be no victor at the end of this unchaste warfare and I feel the cannon fires terminal blow. Yup. that’s my fucked up heart. What a tool.  

But it’s been this way for centuries, hasn’t it ? 

Sensuality is the baddest of bitches with hips that carve into yours tastefully. She’s the perfect fusion of warm and wanton that leaves you so powerfully drugged, that when you turn over to sleep soundly for having seen Nirvana it’s self, she’s able to hijack your shit with ease. Now your ass is left high and dry. But hey, you gotta relish her; notably on the day you find Sensuality knocking at your door again for having conceived with you a child named Regret, something that she drops off for you to raise alone. Now you’re in solitary as Regret clings to you tightly, sucking the life from your chest, but yet, still you nourish it. You love it because shit, it’s half of Sensuality isn’t it ? And had she not once been your reason worth living ?

I twist my fingers around Roy’s cross necklace still finding a way to glint silver in the dark, and pull him down into me with a grunt. For once, it’s his eyes that are glossed with hysterical fever, swimming and asphyxiated by all 7 of the Deadly Sins.

Yeah. That’s right fucker. At least for tonight, “You’re mine.”

Was that his whine that I heard ? Unquestionable was his moan. I think I hear him praying, but that doesn’t change the fact that come sunrise

We’ll both be waking up alone; 

the bruises I left on his neck the only souvenirs of my Love.

[letgolovemyself]

I just want to say a couple things. I fucked a girl that you wanted. 2) I cannot believe how much you gaslighted me and made me think I was fucking insane. I spent YEARS of my life trying to prove to you that I didn't make shit up. And how do I know I didn't??? Bc Brittany won't like a picture with me in it but will like all your ugly ass selfies. A thirsty ass hoe. And you know what babe, I did MF charity work by dating your ugly broke ass and I know I'm the hottest bitch you'll ever date. It's insane bc I know you met me as a hot bitch and you made me into an ugly, no job, broke ass bitch that was SO depressed. The moment you left, my soul came back. My smile came back. My glow came back. And everyone I see tells me I look so much happier but you're still a musty ass no direction in life - don't know yourself bitch. You leaving was the best thing to ever happen. I look AMAZING. I'm GLOWING. IM THRIVING. And you're still trying to figure out your ugly ass life. Talk all the shit you want about me. Everyone can hate me because the bitch that talks more shit is the one who's guilty and the one who feels like they lost. And you did. I fucked a bitch you wanted. I live alone in a bomb ass apartment I make 70k a year I have a whole ass job where they love me and I have good ass friends who love me!!!! And you're still fucking around with the same fake ass friends I introduced you to!!! And you lie and say kaylen didn't say that Erik raped her??? In Justine's words, there's a reason I am not on your shit. And God blessed me for taking your using ass narcissric victim ass self out of my life. BC WHAT??? Bc I'm fucking thriving. You legit blamed me for your drug abuse when you were snorting pills before I met you. Sarah and Hannah confirmed. You're a weak ass pissy ass bitch I have a bigger dick than you suck my ass 🤘🏽

[yakumtsaki]

There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna come right out with it: welcome to the most morbid post in Union history. Half the family is getting wiped out in a single update and I don’t mean to point fingers, but it’s 100% Wyatt’s fault. I really need someone to blame so don’t dare try to take this away from me.

Back to the present and not the corpse-filled near future, we actually have some money to spend on our spawn for the first time ever, so Shajar gets a non-completely-depressing room. No more eating from the cat bowl for our kids!

..spoke too soon.

-Is it still there, is it still there??

-YES omg it just looked right at me! Vic! I’m scared!

-Don’t make eye contact with it you fool! Don’t you have any idea about how children work??

After not getting promoted for an eon, Jojo is suddenly killing it, two promotions in a row!

-I know, I was starting to fear I’d be one of those geniuses who are only recognized after death- UGH, what is that obnoxious sound?

That’s your infant child screaming because it was abandoned on the cold hard floor the entire night.

-Oh ok, so standard parenting. For a minute I thought something was wrong.

-There, there, you’re alright. Ok.. OK seriously, stop. God, have some dignity for once in your 12-hour life. Crying in public is so embarrassing.

-NEEEEEEO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yup. I’ve been so focused on feeding Victor and Alegra’s ancient asses from the bowl of life that I forgot Neo was an elder too, so he’s the first to go even though he’s way younger than them, great job @ me. Goodbye Neo 💔 You were such a good boy, our cat heir, and an integral part in achieving Komei’s life-ruining LTW. You will be sorely missed.

..Apparently by your archenemy Victor most of all. Vicky casually walked off the lot the minute Neo died with no notifications about running away, only to return on his own shortly after. Wtf is going on in this house.

-I had to contemplate the futility of hate.. All this time wasted trying to kill each other and for what.. It's a sunrise and a sunset from a cradle to a casket.

Yea or this lot is already glitched as fuck and it’s only generation 2. Good times.

I was very bummed out by Neo’s premature demise and not in the mood for another kid, but one peek at Jojo and Wyatt’s life bars convinced me to drop the mourning period and circle-of-life this bitch. They are extremely not getting any younger and who tf do I think I am? Someone who knows better than Mufasa?However since a) Jojo is nowhere near his 100k LTW and can’t be taking days off and b) and more importantly, I hate Wyatt, guess who’s carrying this time around!

OH COME ON

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT WYATT

-Huhu!

How the hell did this happen I DEMAND TO KNOW

-Check how your mods work in le futur, idiόt!

..well you got me there.

Jo you are ON FIRE, 3/3! Maybe we can actually complete this 100k bullshit before you’re on death’s doorstep. It’s gonna be close tho, but you know, you just HAD to get knocked up again, so that’s on you.

-No, it’s on YOU.

No, it’s ON WYATT. Let’s just not point fingers and move on, ok? Everyone is equally to blame.

-NO THEY’RE NOT

I’VE MOVED ON I CAN’T HEAR YOU

And now a section I like to call: What the entire fuck is happening. VICTORIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING

-What?? I love babies :)

I legit went back and checked, can you guess how many times Victoria autonomously interacted with any of her kids when they were babies/toddlers? If you had EXACTLY ONE TIME you win..nothing. There are no winners here.

Oh. my. god. 

-Stop hogging her already, I wanna feed her too!

-WELL WAIT YOUR TURN DICK. No, not you, baby bobo booboo.. 

We’ve had our fair share of plot twists around here but this is truly some fucked up shit. In case you don’t get what the big deal is, enjoy this little trip down memory lane aka the Victoria-Komei-parenting-hall-of-fame. Either the ‘age mellows people out’ thing applies to sims too or they got personality transplants when I wasn’t looking. Disturbing.

Of course SOME THINGS never change, no matter how life-ruining for all involved.

-Is this about my LTW, STILL? It’s been like 20 years, GET OVER IT

NEVER

Whachu doing Vic?

-Updating my will to include Komei now that I suddenly love him. Of course someone has to get cut to make that happen..

Well goodbye Daniel I guess!

-..Who the fuck is Daniel?

-I too am making preparations for when I leave this cruel world.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume they’re cat-related.

-NO, not everything is about cats! I have plenty of other interests and concerns. 

Name one.

-My beloved son! I’m making sure he takes care of my cats.

Finally, this family’s excellence is starting to be recognized. It’s about time.

-Yea no, this is a recognition that you trainwrecks need all the help you can get.

UGH typical jealous hater bullshit, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

Ok, I’ve some idea what you’re talking about. Honestly what else has to happen for me to just. stop fucking throwing kid’s birthday parties? I’m pretty sure we’ve had..one that wasn’t a straight up disaster? God knows those glory days aren’t returning any time soon.

-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m having a blast :D

Of course you are Gunther, you haven’t been sober since the third year of college.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT. ABSOLUTELY NOT. HALF ALIEN PROF ISTFG

-I’m legit fine with this :)

I legit don’t care, it’s not happening in our sacred home. Also BRIT IS RIGHT THERE JFC you’ve gotten stupid as shit.

You guys seriously, what sins am I paying for, why can’t we have ONE NORMAL NON-INCESTUOUS PARTY. JUST ONE. Daniel heartfarting over his ex, ok, not that weird. Komei heartfarting over his daughter-in-law..getting weird. Gunther heartfarting over Half Alien Prof..reaching for the chlorine to bleach my eyes and then immediately drink.

Nice, get in on that action Wyatt! We almost forgot about your long standing boner for your brother-in-law.

Happy birthday, Shajar! You’re welcome for this amazing party, pay me back by not being ugly.

..yea ok. You did your best with the tools you were given. And I mean the literal giant tools that are your parents. Hopefully Wyatt came through with his somewhat balanced personality???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OH MAN. 10 playful, 9 active and 1 nice? Literally sporting Jigsaw’s personality. I mean darling Jojo has 3 nice points and is..how he is, can’t even imagine what Shajar is gonna grow up to be like, but it’s good to know we’re moving in the exact opposite direction than intended.

-Enjoyed your kid’s birthday party, you cheating bastard? WELL PARTY’S OVER

-I may be a cheating bâtard-

-SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR SELECTIVE FRENCH ACCENT

AW Neo’s ghost making its first appearance and trying to kill Wyatt, what a sweetheart. Welcome to the party!

It was one for the history books! 

-How on earth did this party suck, I had an exceptional time.

Yea that’s because you weren’t there, it’s easy to have an exceptional time away from this family. Of course I have never personally experienced it but the mind does race.

-AH at last, my article is published! Oh, editor’s pick too, ha, of course. No, wait, editor’s warning.. As requested by the legal department? Drama queens. “Horrifying views expressed.. Widely discredited.. Not endorsed in any way by this publication.. DERIVATIVE??!!” Well, I know what I’m doing this weekend.

Is it.. rewriting your article?

-Oh, I’ll rewrite it alright. IN BLOOD

Great. Speaking of blood-

-Victor’s thirst for it is back with a vengeance. We went an entire 4 days without a cat fight and I was all like ‘woo new record’ but one thing has become clear since then:

Victor didn’t go away to contemplate shit. He was waiting..plotting..training..and now the time has come for Victor 2: Reign of Blood.

-WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW??

Seems about right. Honestly Sophie is the wisest one among us because she got tfo just in time to miss THIS:

Yea, unsurprisingly fucking Damien here is one vicious screamer. WHAT DO YOU WANT

-YOUR SOULS

Good luck finding any in this house.

-Who’s my cute little spawn of satan? Who is? Come to grandma baby.

-ONE SMALL STEP FOR ME, ONE GIANT LEAP TOWARDS THE ANNIHILATION OF MANKIND

Wyatt continues to do nothing of use all day and is not even getting promoted anymore due to his tragic lack of skill points. Somehow that led me to deciding he should be the one to get the genie wishes, I honestly dk wtf my problem is.

-Greetings, mortal etc etc. I’m gonna skip over the intro, you know the deal with the dealio, 3 wishes, let’s hit it.

-I was expectànt more of an Aladdin flair but c’est bien I guess..

-DON’T DARE MENTION THAT MOVIE TO ME YOU FRENCH ASSHOLE

-Um, oui, your désir c’est my command..Huhu! 

-Is one of your wishes the return of your brain, because you should throw that in there.

-Non, non. C’est but one wish in mon coeur, Genié. To nevér, evér have to interact with my bébés but still have beaucoup of them.. In case you can’t tell, I am sim de famille!

-Ugh yea, that much is obvious.

-Well, your wish is granted, mortal! Let me just flick your nose as hard as I can and we’re done here..

-Pourquoi?

-Oh no reason, just for my own pleasure. Buh-bye!

-And with that, he turned into la fumée, mon cheri! Incrediblé!

-I hate my life.

That makes two of us. As in I hate your life too, my life is pretty good.

KOMEI DO YOU MIND WITH YOUR DANGEROUS CURVES, Jojo has a grueling skilling schedule to keep up with.

-So this is it. Rock bottom. 

I mean, you wanted to be heir boo, you got it. It’s a dirty job.

Finally one of the Mortal Kombat cats lives up to its name! GET FUCKED VICTOR

-K.O

Well, we all saw that coming. Victor seriously, you’re like 50yo, don’t do this.

-I’m outta here for the fourth time bitches, and this time I’m not coming back! No man is an island but this cat is.

Ok, see you soon.

Wyatt’s wish is definitely coming true, he has not touched Shajar a single time yet, autonomously or otherwise! What a guy.

-I HAVE NO USE FOR EARTHLY FATHERS, THE ONE I NEED AWAITS US ALL IN HELL

It’s gonna be a long fucking generation.

-WYATT. WYATT YOU DAMN MORON WAKE UP

-Ugh Jojό, I told you, my magique protects me from all bébé interactiόn.

-DOES IT PROTECT YOUR TORSO FROM MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS

It’s a girl! I’m like why stray from a proven formula, so I name her Cyneswith after another Crusader Kings character, who did not exist irl like Shajar but was still a fire emoji empress of Britannia. Welcome to the shitshow Cyneswith! No offense, it was great to meet you, but we have some important shit to do so..have fun on the floor?

FUCKING FINALLY. It’s promotions only from now on boo! 

..Which is more than I can say for some people. Wyatt seriously, can you move your useless ass up the ladder already so we can avoid having this freak in our house EVERY SINGLE DAY.

-The boy’s just following his heart ;)

Half Alien Prof you are by far the biggest pervert I’ve ever had in this game and Jojo spent his entire teenagehood trying to start a bdsm relationship with Stephen Tinker.

Well, Victor predictably died off lot, which is so on brand for him I’m not even mad. An insufferable dick to the very end, he lived to eat and to start fights with every animal he ever came in contact with. He only ever really loved Victoria. I’m gonna miss him so much.

Victor may have died, but that’s not going to stop the police department from trying to return him to us. Just remember that that place is under Wyatt’s supervision and it all makes sense.

Can hardly wait, Professional Make-Up Cop.

-I want to play a game, Alegra.

Man is someone gunning to be put up for adoption!

-Papa’s birthday présent to you, Shajar, is us finally meeting! Breathe it in, mon favori, I’ll be seeing you again on your next anniversaire!

-Wyatt I swear to fucking god, I will stab you.

Can we get this going please, I’m in NO MOOD.

Not bad at all! A pretty even mix of Wyatt/Jojo and I see you def did not get the Komei jaw, which is pretty much angels singing.

-Angels singing makes my eyes roll in the back of my skull. 

You make my eyes roll in the back of my skull.

-What?

What. I didn’t say anything. Love you Shaj!

-One more for the road babe? After 50 years?

Yea. Just pretend everything that follows has a broken heart emoji before and after each word.

I dress Vic up and have her wait for Death in the living room like a lady, none of those ‘dying in the bathroom in my underwear’ deaths, befitting people like Wyatt. However ideal the circumstances as far as death goes, my heart still broke in more pieces than cats Komei has petted.

-VICTORIA UNION

-Marisa? Is that you?

-NO, IT’S-wow cool armchair, where did you get-no, sorry, you’re dying and all, let me start over..

-VICTORIA UNION, YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR WRETCHED SOUL

-What? My soul is not wretched jerkoff, the fuck you talking about?

-THAT’S JUST A THING WE SAY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS COOL, PLEASE DON’T RUIN IT

-HERE’S YOUR COMPLIMENTARY VIRGIN MARGARITA

-Virgin??? Oh god, I’m going to hell aren’t I?

-YOU WERE, BUT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER MADE SOME CALLS ON YOUR BEHALF. WELCOME TO HEAVEN

-Yes, I can taste the alcohol in this! GOING GONE, BITCHES. LATES

The stacks of simoleons DID NOT EASE MY PAIN. I do love that Daniel got the most final version of ‘and none for Gretchen Weiners, bye’ possible.

Jojo is fucking devastated and immediately rolls the want to resurrect Vic. It’s bummy af, I’m not even gonna go for the obvious oedipal jokes, he was just crying for days and days and days..

Komei, on the other hand, WAS NOT.

-Eh, I’ll be seeing her soon enough, why waste the tears.

Now that I think about it Komei has never cried about any of the cats either, I think he’s just the type of person who deals with grief by suppressing it. Whatever works.

Jojo and Wyatt are always having these fashion talks whenever they’re eating which are hilarious because I can see Wyatt being into it, I mean he’s french, but in what world is fucking nerd Jojo interested in clothing. Not even that can cheer him up now 💔

Fucking Florence, bringer of doom, returns Sophie to us and the moment she does:

Tell me how am supposed to live without you, now that I've been loving you so long, how am I supposed to live without you, how am I supposed to carry on, when all that I've been living for.. is gone 💔

FUCK YOU FLORENCE

Jfc the blows just won’t stop coming. LEAVE US ALONE WE’RE IN MOURNING

Time for Cyneswith’s depressing ass birthday which I can’t give less of a fuck about, and apparently neither can Wyatt but then again he wouldn’t even if we weren’t ~back to black.

Loving the hairstyle but it does look ridic on a toddler. Good for you for committing to your british aristocracy character tho, very Downton Abbey.

Well the Komei jaw always knocks twice and apparently we let it in this time. Are you beautiful on the inside Cyneswith?

OH. MY. FUCK. BYE. CYNESWITH YOU FUCKING FREAK

-Huhu! 

NO SHE GOT THE HUHU. GOD HELP US

Cyneswith dramatically enters the toddler stage by immediately going into aspiration failure.. You can all guess where this is going.

-KOMEI UNION YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR-

-Yea yea whatever, are my cats waiting for me? If you say no I will literally kill myself.

-I DON’T THINK YOU’RE GRASPING THE CORE CONCEPT OF DEATH, BUT YES THEY ARE WAITING.

-I’M OUT. TELL THE WOLF I LOVED HIM

KOMEI 💔 I’m sorry but we will not be delivering that message.

Apparently Jojo and Komei legit bonded at some point?? I was expecting like a half-hearted sigh but instead we got sobbing-

-and this sum that does not imply ‘least favorite kid’ AT ALL.

Well you know how the old saying goes: nothing will ever replace your parents but a helicopter will come close. 

Also in mourning: this breakdancer npc that randomly appeared on our lot and stayed stuck there for 2 days before I finally batboxed her into oblivion. This lot is fuuuucked y’all.

And generation 1 is officially over. Rest in peace Komei and Victoria, legacy founders, horrible spouses and somehow even worse parents. You stuck it out and were fun to play till the very end. I’ll really miss you guys 💔

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. IV ※

here’s sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! PART 1 • PART 2 • PART 3

WE GOT A HAMSTER

“I want a hamster.”

“This is like the fourth thing you’ve said to me all day.”

“No, we’re not doing that.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Papi.”

“I’m a walking ad.”

“Are you excited to be a daddy?”

“We have great music we can listen to in the car.”

“I think he’s had it with me.”

“Get you a boyfriend who’s great with animals.”

“I like you an awful lot.”

“This is my dream. I’m living my dream life.”

“This is all very complicated.”

“We’re doing the best we can, given the current circumstances.”

MY BOYFRIEND BUYS MY MAKEUP

“At this point, fuck it.”

“This shit is so fucking expensive, it’s not even funny.”

“It was a lot more frustrating than I thought it was gonna be.”

“This is already bad.”

“I feel like you’re trying to sabotage me.”

“It’s as magical as I’d hoped.”

“Did you just get it to eat it?”

“Can you please get that out of your mouth?”

“Are you happy with your purchases?”

“Why would you conceal something when you can draw attention to it?”

“Honestly, this isn’t that bad.”

“This is actually pretty.”

“I’m good at this.”

“You bought it ‘cause it was called ‘hysterical’.”

“Sometimes you need it for moral support.”

“That peace of mind is what life is all about to me.”

“Is that what you wanted?”

“This is very subtle.”

“Why are you so close to me?”

“I mean, it’s a look.”

“Are you pleased with that?”

“I think you look great, fuck.”

“I feel like it could be worse.”

“Don’t you like unbearable pain?”

“Um, so, can I leave now?”

MAKING A TINY LIVING ROOM FOR MY DOGS

“I’m really tired of explaining myself, so, you know what? I’m just gonna cut to the chase.”

“I want one of those…!”

“This isn’t my house, we rent this.”

“I can fuck it up a little.”

“Because I’m an adult…!”

“Fuck it, we’re just gonna try and see what happens.”

“Oh, this is gonna suck.”

“Pray for me 2k17.”

“It got in my eyes, it’s not funny.”

“That’s better than nothing, right?”

“I’m no longer scared to be in here.”

“It doesn’t fit exactly, but, ya know… give me a break…!”

“Perfect. Nailed it.”

“Did it come with any nails? Of course it didn’t.”

“She straight up stole a liquor bottle and left.”

“It’s nicer in there than it is in our house.”

“You have a French Bulldog lamp, which I’m honestly jealous of, and I might take.”

“I have an under the stairs Harry Potter cabinet wonderland.”

BRAIDING THINGS INTO MY HAIR

“I know what you’re thinking: this hair is very dirty. You are correct.”

“I’m being incredibly selfish lately and I’m doing whatever I want to, and I’m having a great time.”

“Maybe this isn’t the best method.”

“This is amazing and you know it!”

“See, this is what happens when you just think a little.”

“I’m having a great time, and everything is great.”

“I’m on a roll, and this is amazing.”

“Why is there a fork in your hair?”

“You’ll be jealous later.”

“This is gonna help you, this is gonna change your life.”

“Not only is this incredibly functional, but look at how beautiful. Stunning.”

“It’s starting to feel a little heavy, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“It looks great, it feels great, it is great.”

“I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but this might be the best idea I’ve ever had, in my whole life.”

“We’ve had the secret the whole time, we just didn’t think of it…! I mean, maybe ‘cause it’s stupid, but it doesn’t matter, the option is there…!”

“We still wanna get a little turnt, but just a little.”

“That’s so fucking dark, wow, I hate myself.”

“I’m literally the smartest person I’ve ever met in my whole life.”

“I’m a human Christmas tree.”

“I mean, is it stupid? Yeah.”

“I have everything in here that I could possibly need for today.”

“This is incredibly functional.”

“10/10 experiment.”

A FULL FACE OF RHINESTONES

“I’ve used spirit gum, and that shit doesn’t come off.”

“No turning back now.”

“Everyone has different dreams, okay, and this one’s mine.”

“I can see my own disappointment in the reflection of the rhinestones.”

“I didn’t come here to fuck around.”

“Is this bad for you?”

“Nah, it’s probably fine.”

“Is this beautiful or what?”

“Don’t let people on the Internet fool you, this shit’s fucking easy.”

“Ooh, it feels so good, ooh.”

“It’s okay? This is great…!”

“I look like crystal Santa.”

“This is gonna be a nightmare to get off.”

“That’s fucking dope.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Do you want me to do yours?”

“Can you think of anything better to do than this?”

“Julien, has anyone ever told you that you’re a kind and patient boyfriend?”

“Julien, relationships mean compromising.”

“If you don’t stop talking shit to me…”

“We have to break up now, I’m sorry.”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“Oh my god, this is fucked up, dude.”

“I can’t see…! I can’t fucking see…!”

“What is so funny…!?”

“I feel like a lizard person.”

“Don’t do drugs, not even once.”

“I don’t know how to help me.”

“Where’s Jenna? Who are you, what have you done?”

“Ow, be gentle…!”

“I relate to none of what you just said.”

“I don’t regret it, I think this was worth it overall.”

“I hope right now that your face is doing better than mine.”

“I’m gonna go to the hospital now.”

“Alright, your turn.”

READING MEAN COMMENTS ABOUT MY DOGS

“Who goes on the Internet to just shit on dogs? Satan.”

“Is he okay?”

“Does that sound like Hell to you?”

“Why does everyone think you’re dead?”

“I love you so much, but there’s nothing in your head.”

“Can you be on the verge of tears if you’re already crying?”

“That’s the most accurate comment.”

“It’s like he wants to die.”

“Get fucked.”

“Marbles is alive…!”

DOING MY OWN ACRYLIC TOENAILS

“Why am I like this?”

“I’m still not done with my acrylic adventure.”

“Are they functional? No. Do they look good? No. Does anyone want them the way I’m gonna do them? No.”

“I think I’ve made a terrible mistake already.”

“Off to a rough start, I’d say.”

“What have I signed myself up for?”

“Vote now if you think this is a terrible idea.”

“Oh my god, what have I done?”

“This is my own fault. This is my fault.”

“I don’t know why I thought this was gonna be fun and good.”

“If we’re doing it, we’re doing it all the way.”

“Fuck with me…!”

“Oh, that is everything I wanted.”

“I’m so pleased already.”

“Oh, god, it’s a bloodbath…!”

“Pray for my toes.”

“Oh, no, this is getting bad.”

“Oh, it doesn’t feel good.”

“It still doesn’t feel great.”

“My vision is coming to life.”

“I really hope this doesn’t end in me going to the ER.”

“This is the most attractive I’ve ever felt.”

“Take that, motherfucker.”

“This is a mistake.”

“That is fucking disgusting, that’s next level nasty.”

“I fucking did this. I did this…!”

“This feels terrible.”

“This is a fuckshow.”

“That’s fucked up. That’s fucked up.”

“Ow, oh my god, be gentle…!”

“Don’t do that, don’t do that, don’t do that don’t do that.”

“They came out really elegant.”

“What I lack in a license, I make up for in zest.”

“Is that gross? I think that’s pretty gross.”

MY BOYFRIEND TEACHES ME JIU JITSU 2

“That is gonna be a big problem.”

“Alright, I’m ready.”

“I’m not Sensei, I’m Julien.”

“I’m not Papa…!”

“What do you call your jiu jitsu teacher? Papa? Father? Do you call him Master? You call him Nunchuck Daddy.”

“I wanna show you something I think you’ll like.”

“Why are you wearing shoes?”

“Were you hiding these from me?”

“I should’ve eaten before we did this.”

“I’m hungry. And tired.”

“You can’t be a rag doll.”

“Ow, what the fuck, Julien!?”

“You don’t push my arm into another dimension…!”

“This feels like an unfair weight advantage.”

“Your elbows are exceptionally sharp.”

“Do not lick my fingers.”

“Sensei, forgive me, nunchuck master daddy, forgive me.”

“No no no no no, I was asking a question, please don’t make me pay for my mistakes…!”

“You did not nail it.”

“I nailed it.”

“This isn’t fun anymore.”

“How dare you call me a non athlete!”

“Boy, I can bowl you under the table.”

“Don’t touch my feet.”

“I’m gonna grab that.”

“And I’m gonna caress your face.”

“Please be gentle and don’t kill me by accident.”

“Oh, wait, we’re going somewhere? Oh my god, I would’ve packed a bag if I knew we were going somewhere.”

“What is wrong with you, I thought you loved me!?”

“I have whiplash, I need to go to the doctor.”

“Shit, my plan has been foiled.”

“I’ve been to the afterlife, I know what it looks like.”

“Yes, Daddy, I’m ready.”

“Fifty Shades Darker, tie me up.”

“Do you care about my neck at all?”

“Why do you move like a sloth?”

“How are you supposed to do anything with this many clothes on?”

“Stop saying Fifty Shades Darker.”

“I don’t know what you’re doing, this is too advanced for me.”

“I’ve unlocked a jiu jitsu hack!”

“Don’t fall asleep!”

“That is karate and you know it.”

DOING MY OWN ACRYLIC NAILS

“I’ve fallen down another beauty hole.”

“I know what you do is incredibly artistic and complicated and a skill.”

“Right about now I’m gonna show you how to be extra 2008 hot.”

“Girl, I’m sorry, but I’m going over to the dark side.”

“I’m really gonna try. I’m gonna go for it.”

“Okay, wow, I’m having a hard time already, and I’m just fitting the sticker.”

“I guess we’re just gonna make a pointy witch nail.”

“I’m kinda stalling because I’m legit fucking terrified.”

“We gotta work faster, I guess.”

“Susie, girl, you are a liar, this is impossible…!”

“The beauty, the grace, the craftsmanship.”

“I think the fuck not.”

“That is so ugly.”

“God, that is a mess.”

“Oh my god, it feels awful, I hate it.”

“This was the worst idea.”

“I’m not gonna lie, though, this it probably the most fun I’ve had doing my nails in a long time.”

“This is really fun, it just feels terrible.

“10/10 would never recommend doing this at home. Ever.”

“Do you hear that sound? It’s like my fucking soul dying.”

“It looks wrong, it feels wrong, it is wrong.”

“I’m actually really proud.”

“I think it looks elegant.”

“Why is this so hard? I feel like this should be the easiest part.”

“I don’t give a fuck!”

“I should’ve given a fuck!”

“I have done the things.”

“It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

“None of them look the same.”

“I’ve done it, y’all. I’ve drawn blood.”

“This is one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.”

“I have to get this off and I don’t know how.”

“I think I’ve reached the moment of madness.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.”

“I’m so mad at myself for doing this.”

“It’s not even worth it. Look at that, it’s mediocre at best.”

REACTING TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE SMASH OR PASSED ME

“I see everything.”

“They seem harmless.”

“Is it cause I don’t like the Suite Life of Zack and Cody?”

“Is it cause I don’t get your Drake and Josh jokes?”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve that other than being an adult.”

“What’s a girl gotta do to get spit on by a stranger on the Internet?”

“Aw, that was nice.”

“Yay for me.”

“None of this offends me.”

“I don’t think I have a winning record right now.”

“Take me on a trip on your dick ship.”

“She called me 2008 hot.”

“What do I gotta do to get to at least 2010 hot?”

“I wish I was 1776 freedom hot.”

[kelseymfraburnnn]

200: My crush’s name is: Machine Gun Kelly.
199: I was born in: Minden.
198: I am really: Lame?
197: My cellphone company is: Verizon.
196: My eye color is: Brown.
195: My shoe size is: 7-8.
194: My ring size is: My ex told me it was 7.
193: My height is: 5'2"
192: I am allergic to: Penicillin & sulfa. 
191: My 1st car was: a 2003 Ford Focus. 
190: My 1st job was: at a hog farm.
189: Last book you read: Tweak.
188: My bed is: not as comfortable as the last.
187: My pet: is at my exs. 
186: My best friend: is getting married!
185: My favorite shampoo is: Aussie. I think that's what it's called.
184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox?
183: Piggy banks are: legit.
182: In my pockets: NA.
181: On my calendar: Court.
180: Marriage is: dunno. Never had one. 
179: Spongebob can: make me laugh.
178: My mom: is the shit.
177: The last three songs I bought were? .....
176: Last YouTube video watched: Mgk.
175: How many cousins do you have? A lot.
174: Do you have any siblings? One brother.
173: Are your parents divorced? Yes. Thank you Jesus.
172: Are you taller than your mom? We're about the same.
171: Do you play an instrument? I played the clarinet in JH because my parents made me.
170: What did you do yesterday? Cried, drank, drove in the country. [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: No.
168: Luck: No.
167: Fate: No.
166: Yourself: Shit, on a good day.
165: Aliens: Nah.
164: Heaven: No.
163: Hell: No.
162: God: No.
161: Horoscopes: No, but they're fun to look at.
160: Soul mates: Fuck no.
159: Ghosts: Yeah.
158: Gay Marriage: Yep.
157: War: I hate it, but yeah.
156: Orbs: Sure.
155: Magic: No. [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Depends.
153: Drunk or High: Depends on what high.
152: Phone or Online: Eh.
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black? 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blondes, duh.
149: Hot or cold: Warm?
148: Summer or winter: Summer is more fun.
147: Autumn or Spring: Either!
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Depends.
145: Night or Day: Either.
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples.
143: Curly or Straight hair: Both.
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD's.
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk.
140: Mac or PC: Don't care.
139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops.
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet & poor.
137: Coke or Pepsi: Doesn't matter.
136: Hillary or Obama: Fuck Hillary.
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated.
134: Singing or Dancing: I fail at both. 
133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel.
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither.
131: Small town or Big city: Either.
130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET.
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam.
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Either.
127: East Coast or West Coast: Idfk.
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas.
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Either.
124: Disney or Six Flags: Six flags.
123: Yankees or Red Sox: Idgaf. [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: Hate that it happens, but what do you do.
121: George Bush: He wasn't completely awful. I don't do politics.
120: Gay Marriage: Go for it.
119: The presidential election: That was awhile ago.
118: Abortion: Do your thing.
117: MySpace: Gone?
116: Reality TV: It's alright.
115: Parents: They're assholes sometimes, ha. But my mom is legit.
114: Back stabbers: Fuck em.
113: Ebay: Sketchy.
112: Facebook: Addicting.
111: Work: Good.
110: My Neighbors: Douchebags on the right.
109: Gas Prices: ....uh 
108: Designer Clothes: $$
107: College: Must do.
106: Sports: I like some.
105: My family: hates me.
104: The future: scares the FUCK out of me. [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: Can't remember. River Rat?
102: Last time you ate: 6.
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Last weekend.
100: Cried in front of someone: Last week.
99: Went to a movie theater: Shit. Idk whenever Logan came out.
98: Took a vacation: LONG time ago.
97: Swam in a pool: Hmm, been awhile.
96: Changed a diaper: About a month ago.
95: Got my nails done: Really long time ago.
94: Went to a wedding: JULY 22.
93: Broke a bone: Last year.
92: Got a peircing: Last year.
91: Broke the law: Recently.
90: Texted: 10 minutes ago. [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me right now.
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Home.
87: The last movie I saw: I can't remember.
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Job, moving outta this bitch, self sufficient, being done with court/diversion, & stereo in my car with subs. 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Court. Living here.
84: People call me: Kelsey, Kels, Kelso, a drug addict, a fuck up, etc.
83: The most difficult thing to do is: for me? When I got sober.
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: True.
81: My zodiac sign is: Aries.
80: The first person i talked to today was: I don't remember.
79: First time you had a crush: 1st grade. 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:
I can hide feelings like a mahfucka. 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: River Rat.
76: Right now I am talking to: No one.
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Shit, I wanna be a drug and alcohol counselor.
74: I have/will get a job: Working on it. Just moved.
73: Tomorrow: I gotta plate my car.
72: Today: sucked.
71: Next Summer: Will be 2018.
70: Next Weekend: will be great?
69: I have these pets: Karma... she's with my ex. :/
68: The worst sound in the world: Nothing comes to mind.
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me.
66: People that make you happy: Friends whenever they come around.
65: Last time I cried: Today..
64: My friends are: Here & there.
63: My computer is: charging.
62: My School: was small.
61: My Car: is cute.
60: I lose all respect for people who: CHEAT & LIE.
59: The movie I cried at was: I can't remember.
58: Your hair color is: blonde.
57: TV shows you watch: SHAMELESS.
56: Favorite web site: Facebook I guess.
55: Your dream vacation: Away from here?
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Liver failure.
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium rare.
52: My room is: small.
51: My favorite celebrity is: MACHINE GUN KELLY.
50: Where would you like to be: Not here.
49: Do you want children: Maybe one day.
48: Ever been in love: Yeah.
47: Who’s your best friend: Ramanda.
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Guy.
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: having my shit together.
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Uhm... someone that makes me happy?
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: No. Fail.
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No.
41: Have you pre-named your children: No.
40: Last person I got mad at: Ex.
39: I would like to move to: Anywhere but here.
38: I wish I was a professional: MMA fighter. [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: Hmm, skittles or starbursts.
36: Vehicle: Hummers or avalanches.
35: President: JFK 😘
34: State visited: Shit idk.
33: Cellphone provider: Verizon?
32: Athlete: David Beckham? He was that hot soccer player right?
31: Actor: Will Ferrell 😂
30: Actress: Shit idk. Jen Anniston.
29: Singer: MGK.
28: Band: Sublime.
27: Clothing store: Buckle, Hot Topic, wherever.
26: Grocery store: Walmart?
25: TV show: SHAMELESS.
24: Movie: Dazed & Confused.
23: Website: Facebook.
22: Animal: PUPPIES & foxes. They're cute.
21: Theme park: Six Flags.
20: Holiday: Thanksgiving for the food.
19: Sport to watch: Volleyball or football.
18: Sport to play: Volleyball.
17: Magazine: Cosmo.
16: Book: I really liked Tweak.
15: Day of the week: Weekend.
14: Beach: ?
13: Concert attended: Either Marilyn Manson or Papa Roach... shit or Korn. Idk.
12: Thing to cook: STEAK.
11: Food: STEAK & seafood.
10: Restaurant: Red Lobster.
9: Radio station: None.
8: Yankee candle scent: Dunno.
7: Perfume: Ed Hardy.
6: Flower: Rose.
5: Color: Black, teal, purp.
4: Talk show host: ?
3: Comedian: ?
2: Dog breed: Pitbull or puggle.
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.

[pianobarfeels]

My Favorite.

Welp, the last thing that I thought would happen, happened:

T contacted me... from prison. 

Yep. Waking up to use the restroom at 5 AM turned into a total freak out fest: calling my two best friends over and over again and pacing for a few minutes then finally, a seven-second cry session. 

T is a subject I have avoided writing about because this man has broken my heart in the weirdest of ways. Have you ever met someone who is so full of potential to do the most amazing things yet wastes it all? That’s my T. 

I met T at an afterparty. I was sitting in a lawn chair in a ratty-ass garage when I heard the ratty-ass garage door squeak open. Yikes, that thing could reeeeally use some WD-40... even now. Anyway, in walked a friend of mine and following him was this giant of a man: 6′4″ and sexy as alllll get out. He didn’t say much and I didn’t even attempt conversation. He was just nice to look at, ya know? But I loved the way he moved; the way he observed his surroundings rather than trying to be the center of attention like everyone else. He was just... different. 

At this point in my life, I was somewhat freshly single and was having an incredible time doin’ my “thang”. I wasn’t so much as entertaining the thought of hooking up or dating, but I knew that if I was going to involve myself with anyone as more than friends it would be more than a hookup. So, when I plopped my little butt down next to him at the bar, my intentions were to introduce him to some folks and help him make some friends. 

Oh, the irony: he quickly became one of my favorite people in the entire world.

Numbers were exchanged that night. He asked to exchange phone numbers first but it wasn’t because he thought I was cute; it was because we was a drug dealer and he wanted customers. Whatever. I took it with a grain of salt and didn’t think much of it or him through the weeks that followed. Finally, I found myself at the bar around 1 AM, so painfully bored and over the bullshit. So what did I do? I texted him. Why? I have no idea. 

1:30 AM and I’m pulling up to this T’s house. I wasn’t going for drugs or a hookup and honestly still have no idea why I went. I didn’t know the guy at all. I mean, holy shit, anything could have happened: he could have raped me, sold me into sex trafficking, forced a needle in my arm, killed me, whatever. The possibilities are endless. Thankfully, he wasn’t and isn’t that guy. We just talked for hours and hours about everything you could possibly think of and I was so taken back. Like, he was so fucking cool.

As the night was ending, he asked me “So, why did you come over tonight?” I was confused and asked him what he meant. He said “Did you come here for drugs? Do you want to have sex? What are your intentions?” Damn, I love men who are upfront. I told him the truth: I was there because the bar sucked, I’m always down for new friends, and that I had no interest in having sex or using him for drugs. Then, I went home. 

We hung out again and again and found ourselves doin’ the tonsil-hockey thing one night. I stopped him and let him know that if anything between us were to happen, it’d be a relationship and not a hookup. **Communication**. He agreed! 

Few weeks later, someone told me that he took part in shooting crack cocaine and smoking meth.

I confronted him.

It was true.

I was heartbroken but accepted the situation for what it was: a man who was incredible in ways, but would lead me down the roughest of roads if I were to continue to romantically involve myself with him. It would be a road that would ruin my life and break my family’s hearts which was and still is a road that I refuse to ever step foot on. So we talked about it and decided to just be friends.

Ha haaaa that didn’t work: he became a friend with benefits. We kept feelings out of it but they were always there. As time went on, our conversations got better and better and he ended up becoming my best friend. 

According to yourdictionary.com, a best friend is “is a person who you value above other friends in your life, someone you have fun with, someone you trust and someone in whom you confide.” He was all of that. No matter what, I could call him and he would be there. I could come over any time of day and bitch about guys or family or friends or work or absolutely whatever. The great part is that when I was done ranting, he’d give me the best of advice. 

Advice from a drug dealer... Mhmm, I know what you’re thinking: no way in hell it was great advice. WRONG. This beautiful soul was heading in an incredible direction at one point. He was an incredible football player and ended up catching a free ride to college because of his talent. In college, he studied Sociology, Psychology and something else I can’t remember right now. So yeah, his advice was legit whether or not he practiced what he spoke. He was always patient and understanding with me which is a lot more than I got from anyone else in that point in time.

Having someone who understands you is a blessing most people don’t get to experience. I have been blessed in ways most others aren’t, but the things I’ve  experienced and seen are rough. T got me in a way no one else ever has and vice versa. Maybe it was the drugs, who knows, but I’ve literally never felt a connection to someone the way I felt with him.

~This seems like a good place to stop for now. I need to sleep and I know if I keep going the tears will hit. I’m an ugly cryer so we’re gonna avoid that for now lol. 

To be continueeeed....

[ts-crossroads]

I have a treat for you! The final four castaways took a trip down memory lane with their Rites of Passage. Let’s see what they had to say about their fourteen fallen castaways!

Autumn: I wish we’d gotten to meet!! You seem pretty cool and from all the stories I’ve heard, you’re still a legend 

Dane: Hey what’s up. I’m sorry but I’m really happy you left early on. I don’t like knowing too many people in the cast , especially someone that I’ve argued a bit with. It would have been nice to play with you though.

Jake: hey buddy ; ) Lol obviously we didn’t get along well in the game. I tried talking to you and you ignored me and then made a chat to try to get me out, and then you called me a dick & deleted me for voting you out… bish weht? But I don’t hold grudges soooo it’s whatever to me 

John: ILYSM. I was shook to see you in this game and even more shook to see you go first boot. Rhohn would have been a thing everyone would have had to worry about in this game so everyones lucky.

Autumn: Me before Athena All Stars: FATUM IS UGLY EMILY DESERVED BETTER IN CROSSROADS Me after Athena All Stars: Karma does layaway? All jokes aside I love you as a person and Mongolia is lucky to have you

Dane: HI I barely knew you but you were like sociable with Bryan so you’re cool I guess. Good luck in Fans vs Faves! 

Jake: I lived for the fact that you understood all my vine references during One World and thought you were cool but then saw you deleted me after you got voted out like tf did I do? ☹ But it’s okay, good luck in fans vs favorites!

John: You were so wonderful to talk with and I felt awful about voting for you after you worked so hard on that scavenger hunt. I truly think it sent Fatum into the downward spiral it did, just for karma on all of us for voting out such a kind soul.

Autumn: We also didn’t really get to meet, which is tragic and I hope we get another shot in a future game. Oh and for the record, your exit wrecked Fatum and anytime your name comes up they all square up again it’s great

Dane: Hey I low key wish we could have gotten to play together to get rid of the awkwardness in the air between us. I like your makeup.

Jake: Hey Nicole, our only convo was about blankets lolol we just didn’t talk bc we were never on the same tribe but I heard u were iconic so slay and maybe we’ll cross paths in a game again one day ;o 

John:  I love you so much and you know that. I was ecstatic to see you in this game when the cast was revealed and the way you left pained me. I hope I have done you proud.

Autumn: Omg Bran!! I legit only voted you because I was afraid for my life and I knew people wanted to see Imperium suffer #foreshadowing. I hope things are going great and please know that I enjoyed the little time we did have together

Dane: I have played a lot of games, I have done a lot of shit but, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Bran, you are honestly one of my best friends in this community and like I said that you were always there for me and I would always be there for you, no matter what is going on. I feel like there is always this conception in Tumblr games that people are so afraid to vote out their friends and honestly, I am really afraid right now that you wont like me anymore because of this. I just want to say that if you are mad at me i’m so sorry, I really really am. I do understand if you are mad at me. I just feel like for my game, this is best thing for me. I wish you the best of luck in everything going on for you and that everything works out great. ILY.

Jake: Hi legend!! Ugh you were robbed but I’m glad we got to know each other on Optio bc you seemed like one of the most genuine people in this cast and I loved that. Your sense of humor always made me laugh and I hope that we talk or play other games after this because you’re iconic.

John: I really really enjoyed talking to you and to this day have wondered what could have been if we just voted you that one round. I hope we can be friends outside of this.

Autumn: Umm thank you for always watching and supporting the game! I stan fellow messy bitches who live for drama. You are another example of me being petrified and trying to get me and Chris back to Imperium. You’re a really cool guy and made me enjoy the time I spent on Fatum

Dane: Part of me is happy that you left early because just from my one world experience with you, I deemed you to be socially capable of getting far.... and you’re a straight frat guy. HOWEVER, you seem really chill and I can’t wait to talk to you post-game.

Jake: My secret partner and crime but not really bc we never on the same tribe LMAO. I’m happy that you finally got me to play Tumblr Survivor after nagging me to play for like 8 months cus I’ve had a blast in this. I wish we ended up on the same tribe at some point though, but tbh it’s probably better that we didn’t bc ur messy af oops.

John: We met in this game and you quickly became somebody I bonded with and could just talk to with ease. Unfortunately everyone else saw that too and wanted to separate us :/ I guess there was only room for one John in the game. But I love you still.

Autumn: Out of everyone in the cast and out of all the decisions I’ve made, voting you out is the hardest vote I’ve ever done. I actually didn’t think I’d get this far so I can’t believe I can legit explain myself right here and now instead of the reunion. I genuinely trusted you and I could tell you trusted me, but at the time, I felt closer to Dane and Rebecka. I also knew you would be the first to figure out I had really solid relationships on that small tribe so I panicked. And low-key I thought you could come between my original alliance since you were super tight with Chris. Thank you for being such a champ and being cool about everything

Dane: Okay honestly I wrote like one mean confessional about you. Sorry. In the game your introduction and your voting confessionals were like “HEY THE BITCH IS BACK” and “Hahah bitch try voting me out again! Or don’t because you’re gone 💁🏻‍♂️” but I hope that was just game you, I can’t wait to get to know you personally.

Jake: my original ride or die!! I was so thankful for you helping me not get 18th LMAO. you were such a nice guy and my first ally in a Tumblr Survivor so that’s iconic. You were also such a wild player and I loved your fearless attitude. Wish you made merge so we could’ve been reunited again ;(  

John: We met years ago in my very first org, on the messy ass Osin tribe. I didn't know what to think when I saw you in the game as we hadn't played together since. We voted together, we voted for each other, but I still love you personally.

Autumn: Honestly I wrote a whole confessional for you and Ned individually so I’m gonna be short and sweet right here. Your exit broke my heart and whenever people bring you up, I’m thinking he’s in a better place he’s in a better place. Anyway, thank you for everything. You always had my back, prevented me from wiling too early and ruining my game, and taught me a lot about the game just by letting me get to know you. Also you’re hilarious and like the embodiment of Survivor as a person? Ok cool. Our friendship is iconic and I’ll never forget like after a day of knowing each other you were like “we should call!” and I thought wtf call who does that haha. Catch you on the flip side Shaggy

Dane: So.... you lied to me..... I was supposed to ride your coattail to the end of the game but you decided to apply with your girlfriend!!!! Jk I’m not that mad about it, I was just shook. Smoke a fat one for me xoxo

Jake: Stonerrrrr. Hopefully ur still not coughing uncontrollably!!! Sorry for blindsiding you LMFAO but I knew you had so many connections and would’ve ran merge and I didn’t want to be on the bottom of an alliance which is why I had to make a move on you!! Hope you understand it was nothing personal cus I enjoyed talking to you in the game and really thought that you were a good guy.

John: Stonnerrrrr. You were awesome to talk to and such a great dude. We bonded from the very beginning and I wish we could have kept it going but shit happens. Hope to talk after this.

Autumn: WHY DID YOU AND CHRIS LEAVE BACK TO BACK?? IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS WITHOUT CRYING AND RELIVING THE DARKEST PART OF THE GAME DAMMIT. Ok here we go (you have a confessional waiting for you at the end too but anyway). Thank you for everything- like you don’t even know. I was devastated and you could tell I was dead serious about quitting Crossroads, but you wouldn’t let me. And to think that now I have a 1/3 chance of winning and made history in the series picking F2 vs. F3 is wild. You didn’t play for nothing and your arc- as rough as it was- had a greater purpose. You’re so kind, funny, and just awesome to know (and you not being wild and cracked like me and Chris is a huge plus haha). I miss Mystery Inc so bad you have no idea but I’ll catch you on the flip side Fred

Dane: Yikes. Sorry about that blindside. You were a really huge social threat and had a lot of people wrapped around your finger. As a viewer of the game I would have loved to see you play, but as someone playing against you, it was a little bit necessary. Alex says hi.

Jake: Ned!! We only got to talk during one world and the first round of merge, but I instantly clicked with you because you were so down to earth and easy to talk to. You seem like a genuinely nice guy and it sucked to see you get blindsided and I wish we had more time in the game together.

John: You're a really cool guy but it sucked that we were never ever on the same tribe so we never really got to bond on a game level. 

Autumn: Omg I shouldn’t have done these in boot order the last two took all my energy and it’s like 4 AM rip. Ok you’re amazing Scrappy and I wish we’d become friends sooner. Bryumn is us both asking DID YOU FLIP and then us both saying WAIT YOU DIDN’T FLIP. You’re hysterical, always brought the drama, and everyone was secretly afraid of you cause you’re that bitch. I wish you’d gotten more time, but I think you actually would’ve killed someone so it’s probably for the best. I like to imagine that you’re watchdog of jury, living your best life just ready to pop off at any given time. PLEASE keep the conversation history on or at least screenshot everything hahaha

Dane: Look! I took your advice and got my head out of the gutter and I got a brain soekfkcmcmv. You were honestly so iconic I want you to be brought back another season so I can root for you in the VL. 

Jake: my petty king!!! Bryan, we bonded over Zelda and I instantly felt a connection and trust with you during One World that carried over into our tribe swap and merge. You were a great ally and a fearless player because you pushed to make moves. I was sad to see you go so soon at merge because I wanted us to go a lot further. I hope we keep in touch, you’re a great guy!

John: You and I had a rocky road since you were on my tribe once for the Emily vote. Once we swapped though and I got to know you I really loved talking to you and wish our circumstances could have been different. 

Autumn: Queen!!! I miss bonding with you over the people who we do like and the people we don’t like hahaha. You were so entertaining and a breath of fresh air. Honestly you did the absolute most and as iconic as you were, we still talk about all the hilarious moments you brought. The hexes? The Bryan fight?? The blow torch??? We aren’t worthy! I wish we had legit been on the same side because we would’ve fucked shit up. I felt I was next after Sam so that was the logic, but I still feel bad about how you went out so my apology gift will hopefully arrive shortly/ check the voting confessionals

Dane: Okay whew. On a completely serious note I am so happy that the both of us were able to look past our Vendettas with each other and not only play a game together, but enjoy our time together. We have a lot of bad blood and it was so stupid of us but I’m glad to say that we both grew as people enough to move past stupid internet drama. I’m ready to see my voodoo doll!

Jake: Hey wicked witch, pls don’t hex me!! Julia, I knew you’d be wild and hilarious from day one. You’ve always cracked me up and I really liked working with you until things fell apart for us at merge with the Ned vote. If I ever play another tumblr survivor I hope you’re in it just because you create so many iconic moments that still make me laugh. #IsThatABlowTorch? 

John: I was so upset I didn't get to talk to you until the merge because you were iconic. You pulling out your blowtorch at tribal was one of my favorite moments of the season and I am TRYING to get it into gif form

Autumn: This cast is too big jesus christ but you tend to speed read so let’s not waste time. Hi sis!!! I love you, I miss you, and I hope I’m doing you proud. I hate that you were collateral damage in the bloodbath that’s been merge. But I know you’ll do great things, both in life and in orgs. You are and always will be the baddest. Navarino Final 2?

Dane: Honestly I am so sorry that you got fucked up. Not only were you a good player, but you were hilarious and iconic and I honestly wish you could have lasted longer to keep the game entertaining. I feel like I ruined your game by aligning with you and I’m so sorry about that clfmmcmv 

Jake: Hey Rebecka! Obviously we didn’t have the best relationship in this game haha. But I think we both knew it was better to not BS the other which is why we didn’t talk much. You were always positive and pretty funny from when we talked in the main chats, oh and all the pictures of your dogs were the best!! If we ever play another game together I would be down to try working together because you always seemed genuine in the game. 

John: You were so lovely to chat with, I knew we would be cool because I knew you from Jennas DR LOL. I wish we could have been on a tribe together so it could have happened sooner. We voted for each other but hopefully there are no hard feelings. 

Autumn: Haley!!!! I don’t even know how to explain it but you just put a smile on my face. Is it a) your chill attitude, b) your adorability, c) you running Fatum from the backseat and letting the boys think they run things, or d) your association to Chris? It’s e) all of the above!!! Hopefully we get to talk more after the game now that all these men and conflicts of interest are out of the way haha

Dane: We barley spoke, which is so bad on my part. I love how you came to tribal councils stoned out of your god damn mind. I hope you’re enjoying your time with Chris though! 

Jake: Haleyyy, I love you now and I really wish that we talked more earlier on because when we actually did start talking I realized that we could have worked well together. But it just seemed like at that point it wasn’t smart for me to seriously flip on everyone again. It really sucked voting you out but I appreciate that you were understanding. You were so sweet to me in the game and I hope we stay in touch after this! 

John: You and I have had a rollercoaster of a ride together. From the messy premerge on original fatum, to you blindsiding johnny. We had so many good times too on calls whether we were talking game or about our lives. In the end I am so happy I have come out of this game with somebody I can call a new friend. 

Autumn:  I’m so exhausted girl and it’s 5 AM so if this is like 3 sentences don’t hate me haha. Let’s just start with this: YOU DID THAT!!! From the fight you gave every round to the fight you gave us on your way out, you never quit and always held your head up high. Velma you have such a remarkable spirit about you and I’m really glad we became friends. Thank you for being in the trenches with me and giving me something (and someone) to believe in this merge. I’m glad the end is near I miss talking to you and the rest of the squad so so so much but it’s fine I’m fine why wouldn’t I be fine

Dane: MOOOOOOOOOM! You were probably the biggest contender to win the game and I didn’t have it in my heart to vote you out, but thank god devil Ryan and John were here ! I hope you didn’t get a bad nannying job and I can’t wait to talk to you again once the season is over.

Jake: Sam <3 We’ve gotten along since the beginning and I’m glad that we got to work together closely throughout the merge. It was amazing that we managed to turn things around after Ned’s blindside and it sucked to see you go. You’ve always been so nice to me and a joy to talk to, thank you for being an awesome ally.

John: I was excited to see you cast for this game because you're such a sweet girl but the survivor swap gods were never on our side until we merged. I hated that we ended up on opposite sides and felt sick the times I wrote your name down. I hope we can be friends with each other when this is over.

Autumn: There’s a chance you could be really petty at the end and I wouldn’t blame you. I just want to say that I always wanted to earn your respect as a player rather than just as a person. I love our friendship, but I know you and many others perceive my game differently than it actually is. I will set the record straight in due time but I have a lot to prove, one of which is that I’ll do what no one else had the balls to do. You’re a fantastic player and I’m honored to have ever gone head to head with you, especially so late in the game. You 100% would’ve won and I’m sorry me making a big move came at your expense. It’ll probably cost me a vote, but if sending you out automatically changes the conversation around me as a player then that means you really are that incredible and that I’m just that legit. 

Dane: Weirdly enough you were in the same boat as Sam: you’re one of the bigger contenders but due to my personal relationship with you, I couldn’t vote you out. However, I could conspire against you WHEN YOU VOTED OUT REBECKA! You’re too thick, but not too thick to tick me in the finale! :) #DragonEscapeIsOurAlways

Jake: hey daddy! We got off on such bad footing since I voted for you at the beginning of merge fjfnfdj and it was obvious that we were on opposite sides for the most part but I’m thankful that you didn’t just cut me off after the vote bc I really liked the talks we had that weren’t strictly game related. Sorry for being a fake ass with you multiple times oWo!! But you played a fantastic game as an ex winner and I really could’ve seen you getting to the end again if I didn’t make that move last round. Still glad that we got to know each other in this game, and I hope that we can be friends afterwards.

John: I literally thought you were a 15 year old guy named Jared because of your intro video lmao. Playing with you has been so much fun and also a bit of a rollercoaster ride. We have pissed each other off on probably multiple occasions, but at the end of the day you always had my back and you were an amazing ally. Love you dad.