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ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years

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On the importance of MianMian: musings on the differences between the novel and CQL (PART 2/2)

If you haven’t already, please read through part one first, otherwise this will probably not be very cohesive or comprehensible. There is also some bonus meta because I keep having thoughts about MianMian.

In part one, I contrasted MianMian’s first appearance in the novel and the web series in order to show how MianMian’s characterisation and position within her society were established quite differently in both works. In this post, I will explore the domino effect of those adaptation choices, as well as consider how the two subsequent appearances of MianMian in the novel got translated into a visual format in CQL. Through this exercise, my goal is not only to illuminate the depth and significance of this minor character in the novel, but also to argue that the way her scenes were adapted in CQL ultimately reduced the impact of the character and excised many of the nuances put into her portrayal despite increasing her presence in the work.

(although kudos to CQL for casting Ann Wang because I do not get tired of looking at her face: look at that smile 😳)

The Servant’s Daughter Valued Jin Cultivator Standing up to a Room of Powerful Cultivators

In the novel, we meet MianMian for a second time after the Sunshot campaign has ended. Cultivators from the main sects and allied sects (including some who used to be loyal to the Wens!) are discussing at Jinlintai Wei Wuxian’s actions after he protected the Wens and set up residence on Mass Grave Hill. By that time, it appears her position in her sect, and even her sect’s position, has grown. We can speculate as to why (my personal take is that MianMian proved herself during the war and that her sect is one of the sect who pledged loyalty to the Jin and gained influence as a result). What is important is that she goes from someone who is so inconsequential she might have not even have been a disciple yet when we met her to someone who stands next to a sect leader (who we can safely assume in this context to be her sect leader). A lot is hinted about her character and what she experienced since we last saw her through that small and innocuous detail.

Suddenly, a careful voice interjected, “It’s not killing indiscriminately, is it?”

Lan Wangji seemed to have entered a realm of zen that blocked all of his senses. Hearing this, however, he moved, looking over. The one who spoke was a young woman with a fair face, standing beside one of the sect leaders.

I will not repeat here the entirety of her speech, which highlights the hypocrisy and the bad faith of the sects, and particularly the Jin sect’s unwillingness to shoulder any blame for their deplorable treatment of the Wens. Instead, I find important to highlight how the other cultivators present react to MianMian based on her positionality.

First, MianMian’s opinions are undercut by the people present due to the fact that she is a woman. Her motivations for speaking out are reduced to the irrational ramblings of a maiden in love.

“You can stop arguing,” someone sneered suddenly. “We don’t want to hear the comments of someone who has other motives.”

The woman’s face flushed.

“Explain things,” she said, raising her voice. “What do you mean, that I have other motives?”

“There’s no need for me to say anything. You know deep down and we know too. You fell for him back in the cave of the Xuanwu just because he flirted with you? You’re still arguing for him, calling white black no matter how irrational it is. Ha, women will always be women.”

The incident of Wei Wuxian saving a damsel in distress in the cave of the Xuanwu was indeed once a topic of conversation. Thus, many people realized immediately that this young woman was ‘MianMian’.

At once, somebody murmured, “So that’s why. Explains how she’s so desperate as to speak up for Wei Wuxian…”

“Irrational?” she fumed. “Calling white black? I’m just being considerate as it stands. What does it have to do with the fact that I’m a woman? You can’t be rational with me so you’re attacking me with other things?”

Then, when members of her own sect disparage her for speaking up, they suggest that her place in the discussion, in this palace of gilded power and privilege, is ultimately illegitimate or at the very least incredibly easy to render illegitimate.

“Stop wasting your time on her. That this kind of person actually belongs to our sect, that she was even able to find her way into the Golden Pavilion; I feel ashamed standing alongside her.

Many of those who spoke against her were from the same sect.

In this situation, not even her fellow sect members are willing to come to her defense or to give her the benefit of the doubt; she is to be shamed and separated from them, lest her actions reflect badly on their own standing.

MianMian’s choice to leave her sect behind is meaningful because she is not privileged. She does not have anyone powerful in her corner to back her up. She does not have many options; people act like she should be glad to even have made it this far, and we can infer that she only achieved her current position due to her skills and hard work. It is also meaningful because she is making that choice while knowing that she’s giving up on the privileges of the social position that she has worked to achieve. The fact that she is giving up on something big is highlighted by the reactions of many cultivators after her departure, who think she will come crawling back to find once more the security and privilege of the position she left behind.

Saying nothing, MianMian turned around and left. A while later, someone laughed. “If you’re taking it off, then don’t put it on again, if you’re so capable!”

“Who does she think she is… leaving as she pleases? Who cares? What is she trying to prove?”

Soon, some began to agree, “Women will always be women. They quit just after you say a few harsh words. She’ll definitely come back on her own, a couple of days later.”

“There’s no doubt. After all, she finally managed to turn from the daughter of a servant to a disciple, haha…”

Beyond what it means for her characterisation and the themes explored in the novel, this moment is significant because there are clear parallels between how she is treated in that moment and how WWX is talked about for protecting the Wen remnants and, later, for ‘deserting’ the Jiang sect. In fact, just before MianMian speaks out, sect leaders call WWX a “servant” and the “son of a servant” when underlying the ‘nerve’ of his ‘arrogance’ toward the sects with his actions.

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei Wuxian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

These passages are also reminiscent of the way WWX is discussed by cultivators celebrating his death in the prologue:

“That’s right, good riddance! If the YunmengJiang sect had not adopted him, educated him—this Wei Ying would have been a mediocre scoundrel all his life, nothing but riffraff…… what else could he be! The former head of the Jiang clan treated him as his own son, but what a son! [...]”

“I can’t believe Jiang Cheng really let this arrogant manservant live for so long. If it were me, when this Wei first defected, I wouldn’t have just stabbed him; I’d have cleaned house straight away. Then he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to commit all those deranged acts later. When it comes to these sorts of people, how can you even take sentiments like ‘same clan’, ‘same sect’, or ‘childhood loyalty’ into consideration?”

Due to the circumstances of their birth, even people who manage to achieve a higher position in society hold a tenuous grasp on the power and respect they have gained: their legitimacy is fraught. And even if they play the game right, the lines of legitimate belonging are always ready to be renegotiated by those in power. Despite the “few things” he did during the Sunshot Campaign that aligned with the interest of the sects, and despite being raised among the gentry in the Jiang sect and being perceived as a gongzi, WWX remains in the imaginary of the cultivators who see themselves as the legitimate holders of power as someone who needs to “remember his place”, someone who should be grateful and loyal as he has been “allowed” to raise in influence and be treated well in society despite being the son of a servant. And so when he stands against the interests of the sects, he’s not just betraying them: he betraying the social order which gives them legitimacy. This is directly tied to MianMian’s treatment in this scene. In the novel, MianMian is not only shamed and dismissed because she speaks out against the sects: it is also, if not primarily, because she did not, in the process, “remember her place”.

The scene as it is presented in the novel thus goes out of its way to set up a clear parallel between WWX and MianMian, not only in regards to their righteousness, but also in regards to how they are perceived and treated for being the children of servants. It also takes pain to underline the unfair treatment of women in that society. Moreover, if we’re only considering MianMian’s characterisation, it says a lot to see her have reached this level of importance in her sect despite her circumstances and then for her to let it all go.

In CQL? You’ve probably guessed it; all of these nuances are evacuated from the text. On top of the fact that MianMian continues to be established as a valued member of the Jin sect, the scene is cut short and a lot of the censure sent her way is excised. There are no mentions of her ‘having made her way’ into the room of powerful people who are allowed have an opinion on the state of the world. No mentions of her low social background and no mocking that she will crawl back to her sect after realising she can’t make it into the world without their influence and support. No dismissal of her based on the fact that she is a woman, or suggestions that she is standing up for the YLLZ only because she is enamoured with him. The scene is turned into a pale shadow of its original.

Instead of these elements, we do get a gasp from JZX (which becomes a dangling plot thread because he does not stand up for her nor does he reach out for her even though she’s supposed to be his good friend, nor do we see him being conflicted about being unable to beyond his gasp) and MianMian telling JGS that she is leaving his sect, which I’ll admit is pretty baller. But it does not even come close to having the significance and thematic implications of the scene as presented in the novel. CQL!MianMian stands up against the organized smear campaign against WWX and the sects’ unwillingness to accept their faults, and is only disregarded for having spoken against them: not because of who she was while she was raising doubts about their evaluation of the right and wrong. And that is significant, because it undercuts the discussions the novel explores through so many other characters about the impacts of being considered inferior by others.

The Travelling Rogue Cultivator who Stayed Home

Finally, in the novel, we meet MianMian once more when her daughter, Xiao MianMian, stumbles upon something she should not have seen while accompanying her parents on a night-hunt. The reason their paths cross is that, just like Wangxian, MianMian feels compelled to pursue night-hunts other cultivators disregard for their lack of glory in order to help the common people. This is her life mission as a travelling rogue cultivator: differently put, she goes where the chaos is. This set-up serves to highlight that MianMian and Wangxian are like-minded and share the same definition of what it means to be ‘Righteous’.

He asked, “Did you come here to night-hunt as well?”

Luo Qingyang nodded, “Yes. I heard spirits are haunting a nameless graveyard on this mountain, disturbing the lives of the people here, so I came to see if there’s any way I could help. Have you two cleaned it up already?”

The night-hunt also serves to reintroduce the theme of deception and rumours, and the ways in which MianMian is a character who is not swayed by public opinions but knows how easily others may be.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji exchanged a glance. “This was a lie too. No lives were lost. We looked it up. Only a few villagers who robbed the graves were bedridden for a while after being scared by the ghosts, and another broke his own leg when running away. Apart from these, there were no casualties. All those lives were made up for dramatic purposes.”

“So this was what happened?” interjected Luo Qingyang’s husband. “That’s absolutely shameless!”

“Oh, these people…” sighed Luo Qingyang. She seemed as if she remembered something, shaking her head, “They’re the same everywhere.”

This is because in the novel MianMian is tied to many themes, and always in a positive manner. Like WWX, she represents the good that is stifled by an unjust social order. She also represents the people who choose to defy and deviate from this social order to pursue a righteous life rather than trying to find vindication and power within that very social order (ie JGY or XY). Like the juniors, MianMian is a character that represents hope for the cultivation world, the potential for small but significant change. Like WWX and LWJ, she represents integrity in the face of the corrupting influences of power and politics, as well as the desire to protect the common people. Like Cangse Sanren, she represents the courage to make her own path in the world, and to marry for love with no considerations for social status or conventions, and the decision to becoming a travelling rogue cultivator.

On top of all these great things this scene accomplish, it is also just incredibly cute. After their talk, their parting is described like such: “Soon, the group had gone down the mountain, and Wei Wuxian could only say goodbye to them with some regret, continuing on another path alongside Lan Wangji.” Honestly, my ‘WWX and LWJ become Xiao MianMian’s shushus’ agenda is alive and well and I will not accept anything else.

In CQL, however, the reunion happens by pure coincidence. The scene is in actuality a mash-up between the reunion we have in the novel and another scene that takes place earlier, in which fugitives WWX and LWJ enter the home of strangers as they are looking for some water (and end up frolicking in hay).

Simply by changing the circumstances and the setting of the reunion, something is lost of the thematic connection between WWX/Wangxian and MianMian, even though viewers still get told that MianMian is someone who night-hunts. Without entering into the specific debate of whether show don’t tell is the only acceptable storytelling strategy, I think it’s fair to say that it is more effective to run into MianMian as she is night hunting based on the same rumours of hauntings as Wangxian instead of seeing her get home, pull a sword willy-nilly after hearing something suspicious in her backyard and finally getting told that she was out night hunting.

Moreover, having to recreate most of the beats of MianMian’s last appearance into this new context seems to have been quite confusing to the CQL production team, and seems to have breed, as a result, a lack of internal coherence to the scene (cut between the end of ep 43 and the beginning of ep 44), regardless of any of its other pitfalls as an adaptation.

In the CQL version, when we meet the family on their way back to their home, Xiao MianMian had been running around and her father chastises her by telling her something along the lines of “Don’t run around, what if you had gotten caught by the YLLZ?”, thereby suggesting that MianMian’s husband believes what is said about WWX. To this, Xiao MianMian replies But Mom Says he’s a Good Guy Though. Obviously, the intent of the writers was to show that MianMian had never bought into the rumours about WWX. However, this exchange makes seemingly no sense if one thinks about it for longer than a second. It suggests that MianMian had never talked about this topic with her husband or that he had never heard her talk about the YLLZ with their daughter. Considering how dangerous the YLLZ is said to be, and that they were night-hunting while he was a fugitive, I don’t see how that would have not come up even if for some unlikely reason she had until then only talked about the YLLZ with her daughter. Of course, one could suggest that MianMian’s husband says this to tease their daughter, fully aware that the YLLZ’s reputation of swallowing children is a tall tale, but the tone is not quite right? And it does not jive with the fact that MianMian is not on board with defaming people: I don’t think she’d be okay with her husband knowingly using the myth of the YLLZ to scare their kid into obedience because it’s convenient to do so? A miss.

To make matters worse, when WWX later asks MianMian is she’s back from night-hunting, Xiao MianMian says that they are back from searching for the YLLZ. First, there is a clear lack of coherence with the previous exchange between Xiao MianMian and her father. And again, it’s hard to get to the meaning of that exchange: is it implying that MianMian was looking for WWX to offer him her help? She certainly doesn’t once she does meet him, so that appears unlikely or at least it’s a plothole/dangling plot thread. But why be looking for him, if she knows he’s not the monster the rumours make him out to be? Clearly, the writers wanted to tell the viewers that MianMian is a rogue cultivator, and figured that having her back from a night-hunt would be enough: but why this line by Xiao MianMian about searching for the YLLZ? Is it just the fancy of a kid, who makes up her own stories while her parents pursue other cases (especially since MianMian says she was looking for puppets)? But then Xiao MianMian does say that ‘we’ were searching for him...

I can’t figure it out. I find it even weirder that, when WWX asks Xiao MianMian whether she is scared of the scary YLLZ (although she’s literally just said moments before that she was not scared of him in her exchange with her father that WWX certainly heard), Xiao MianMian starts replying that she is not scared and MianMian cuts her, apologizing to WWX that he daughter is too young and naive. What is she apologizing for? How is her daughter naive for not being scared of the YLLZ? Or is she apologizing for her daughter suggesting they were searching for the YLLZ? If so, why cut her now and not when she suggested that they were searching for him?

What’s happening in this scene?!

Also, even an attempt to keep lines as close to what they were in the novel ends up backfiring with the new context. In the novel, out night-hunting, MianMian asks “ 什么人” when she sees WWX come out from the direction of a graveyard (she has not seen LWJ yet). Knowing that she might suspect him of being a corpse or a spirit considering that it is night and that he is leaving a graveyard said to be haunted, WWX responds “不管是什么人，总归是人，不是别的东西 “ (No matter who I am, I’m a person after all, and not something else). In CQL, when MianMian hears a sound in her backyard, she asks “ 什么人” and, after LWJ comes out and is recognized by MianMian, WWX still responds (??) with a similar yet slightly different sentence: “ 不管是谁，反正是个人，不是东西 “ (No matter who I am, anyway I am a person, not a thing). This exchange in the context of the scene in CQL baffles me because: why would there be then an expectation that they would not be a person in this situation? Why would he say that after MianMian has seen and recognized LWJ, thus knowing full well that it is a person and not a spirit or a corpse? As well, why change “ 别的东西 “ (something else/different thing) for “ 东西 “ (thing) since MianMian’s question does not imply by itself that she thinks they are not people since she asks "什么人” (literally: what person?), making WWX’s statement that he is “not a thing” completely come out of nowhere? And it’s so much more perplexing than his original statement that he is not “something else” from a human.

I’m spending time on these two lines because I find them to be a sort of microcosm of some of the questionable adaptation choices made in CQL: at times the web series chooses to keep things from the novel even after changing the context in which these elements unfold without understanding how these no longer work within their new context. Yet, at the same time, it feels comfortable making what appear on the surface to be minute changes without thinking through the implications of them, and thus changing the point of these elements through these minute modifications.

Aside from these elements which prevent this moment in CQL to give us a scene that is internally coherent, let’s further interrogate some of the adaptational changes made between the novel and the web series, and their impact on the themes and characterisation.

One change that conflicts with the characterisation and the thematic discussion regards WWX inquiring about MianMian’s husband. Unlike in the novel, where WWX engages him in a little bit of chitchat and then feels forced by conventions to ask to which sect he belongs, CQL makes it seem as if it is an information WWX wants to ask because it’s literally the first thing he says to him, not even after a salutation or a “well met” (I will be magnanimous and believe that that choice to do so was for the sake of brevity and not because the preceding dialogue had not been written in the novel and the CQL writers couldn’t be bothered to come up with something). This, however, makes it look like WWX puts a lot of importance in knowing someone’s allegiance to a sect, which is the exact opposite of how he feels about it.

She pulled the man up, “This is my husband.”

Noticing that they held no malicious intent, the man softened visibly. After some chatter, Wei Wuxian asked out of convenience, “Which sect do you belong to and which kind of cultivation do you practice?”

The man answered frankly, “None of them.”

Luo Qingyang gazed at her husband, smiling, “My husband isn’t of the cultivating world. He used to be a merchant. But, he’s willing to go night-hunting with me…”

It was both rare and admirable that an ordinary person, and a man at that, would be willing to give up his originally stable life and dare travel the world with his wife, unafraid of danger and wander. Wei Wuxian could not help feeling respect for him.

Of course, without WWX’s thought process provided to us in the narration, the implications of MianMian’s husband being originally a merchant are a little bit lost in CQL, even if CQL!MianMian provides that piece of information. Of course, CQL could have chosen to include WWX’s musings, since it does include in this very scene some voice-over thoughts earlier. It is a shame though, that it does not, since MianMian and her husband are clear parallels for WWX’s parents in that regard: his father also left a stable life to travel the world with his wife.

Although, to be fair, CQL!MianMian is no longer a rogue cultivator who travels the world, so it is not like her husband made the decision to travel the world with her. Indeed, by frankensteining the two scenes from the novel, MianMian is by default no longer a rogue cultivator who travels the world: she is a rogue cultivator, sure, in that she does not belong to a sect, but she is a rogue cultivator with a home she clearly needs to inhabit during the day, what with the fact that they raise animals (we see little chicks in the background and there are piles of hay), and who night-hunts close enough to her home to be able to come back home in the morning. Moreover, without the context of meeting MianMian at the same glory-less night-hunt as Wangxian, it is harder to express the idea that MianMian is someone who chooses, like them, to do so for the common good and not for any prestige or rewards. MianMian is no longer another cultivator who goes ‘where the chaos is’ and, in terms of positive female representation, it is truly a shame. After all, the novel frames this as a positive and admirable trait which we see in our two main (male) protagonists: to have a woman follow, independently, the same path as them is meaningful.

Finally, instead of the scene closing with a regretful parting that hints at the sense of kinship between MianMian’s family and Wangxian, we get a truly (imo) patronizing ending. In CQL, their conversation is disrupted by threatening sounds. LWJ then instructs MianMian to stay in her home and protect Xiao MianMian while LWJ and WWX take care of things. So feminism..... such empowerment... To be honest, if CQL meant to change things and put MianMian in scenes where she wasn’t originally, why not have her go with Wangxian? Why not have her be there for the Mass Grave Hill Siege? Why not have her leave her daughter with her husband and let her be a badass? Instead, they conveniently check her out of the action after putting her directly in the middle of it. Instead of having MianMian be away from the sects and doing her own rogue cultivator thing as the events of the novels unfolded in WWX’s second life, explaining her absence, CQL reintroduces her just before an important moment but chooses to send her away once more, to stay home and protect her daughter, probably because they did not want to take the time and energy to figure out how and where she would fit into these scenes in which she had not be written in the novel. This is the kind of adaptational choice that makes me question why people consider CQL a more progressive work of fiction with regards to its treatment of female characters.

Final Musings: sometimes, less is more

Does an increase to the number of appearances of a character shape their impact on the audience? Or, conversely, does it dilute their meaning within and their impact on the text? There is not a simple answer to that question. Certainly, repetition is in itself a literary device, and many readers need salient and blunt reminders to get a message across, the likes of: the important characters are the ones you see the most often. Likewise, having a character feature more often in a work can provide the necessary breathing space to explore more and in more depth their psychology, motivations, past, actions, etc. However, the simple act of increasing the presence of a character does not inherently increase their impact on a work of fiction nor does it increase the nuances and depths of that character.

It is possible to adhere to a cynical or optimistic perspective regarding CQL’s decision to feature MDZS’ female characters more prominently. It is not hard to divine why the decision could have been made solely for the financial incentive of “pandering” to a female audience who dares to want to see themselves on screen. Conversely, one can imagine a production team animated by good intentions, who simply want to give more limelight to these female characters. Whether purely motivated by a profit-based logic or solely well-intentioned, or at a vector of both motives, it is clear that the CQL production did not increase the screen presence of MDZS’s female characters out of a desire to tell a stronger, more effective version of the original story they were working with. And that is why the urge to quantify good representation will always end up failing us in my opinion.

While it can be productive to consider trends, it does not give us a better media landscape or better individual works of fiction; it does not necessarily give us more impactful or better written female characters. This type of analysis urges us to see female characters as female first, without truly attempting to understand their purpose and treatment within the story. While MDZS has fewer female characters, these characters showcase different personalities and occupy different positions within the social world of the novel; they have arcs and thematic resonance and they cannot be simply replaced by a “sexy lamp” without disrupting the plot completely. They are also often given a surprising amount of depth, if readers are willing to pay attention to all that is found in the text and in the subtext.

For such a long novel, MDZS is able to remonstrate a certain amount of restraint wrt its storytelling. The timespan it wants to cover is expansive, its cast of characters not insignificant, and the story it aims to tell is ambitious. It is easy to imagine a meandering version of MDZS where many more characters are present, including many more female characters, or where the existing female characters get an extended presence within the narrative. But would those female characters have been more impactful? Would the story told have been a better one? The way the CQL production team chose to adapt MianMian hints that this is not a done conclusion.

(+ bonus MianMian meta)

#mdzs meta #mdzs #mianmian #luo qingyang #cql vs mdzs #mo dao zu shi #modaozushi #IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is my manifesto

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talenlee · 3 years

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The Johnlock Conspiracy Conspiracy

First of all this is going to be building off a point first cast into relief for me by Sarah Z’s video on The Johnlock Conspiracy. She is both directly connected with the experience of this space and did the research into the actual history of the people involved, a sort of on-the-spot observer recounting her experiences ethnographically. If you want a longer form deep dive on what The Johnlock Conspiracy is, check out that video. I will be providing a quick summary.

I’m also going to talk about fanagement, which I wrote about last year, which is about the way that fan engagement was seen as being a thing that corporate entities could deliberately engage for commercial ends. Fanagement isn’t necessarily an inherently evil or corrupting thing, but it’s something to know about as something that exists, and knowing it exists can colour your relationship to the media created in response to fanagement.

There’s this idea of ‘The Johnlock conspiracy.’

In the agonisingly mediocre BBC mystery drama Sherlock that ran from who cares to also who cares, starring in the loosest sense of the word Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman (a man ‘renowned’ for this, The Office and the Hobbit trilogy, on a scale of poisonous influence to actual outright evil), as a modern day re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson that has some interesting ideas that it absolutely does not use well, mysteries that are not interesting and a relationship tension that was making itself up as it went along. Much ink has been spilled about how this series is not very good, and that’s good, because it’s a very expensively made bad series that banks on the reliable draw of the same fistful of boring privilege.

Part of what made it popular, sort of, was the tension of the relationship between John and Sherlock. See, they were both men, you see, and what if they kissed.

Now, tumblr is, by volume, mostly connections to other parts of tumblr. If you make something popular, it becomes amplified and exploded and brought to the attention of others and curated into lists. Content that gets shared is the very sinew of what Tumblr is, which means that doing things people share around is a strange form of primacy on the site. Making content is powerful, heady, druglike. Commanding curation where you determine what does and does not get shared is even moreso. It is a space for an audience that is engaged deeply with the concept of being engaged, and in this space, fandom happened.

There’s not a lot of Sherlock. There were big gaps between the seasons. When a season came out, it did not explain itself or deliver on its promise at all. It is, as I’ve said, bad. But it was well made and used actors you’d heard of and was treated as being prestigious and so, when the show came out, and because people liked the idea of what it could be, fandom struck on a conspiracy:

What if this terrible show is secretly great?

And I understand the impulse. It’s heart to a lot of fandom. I can’t possibly have spent this time and energy on something I don’t like, it must be that the thing I like is secretly this thing I really like. And so scaffolding comes out to buttress the idea. We’re not taught that fandom is right – we’re taught that fandom is something that justifies itself by being right. If you have a story in your heart about a Dark Fuckprince and his soft bean injured Watson, that story is real and right, and doesn’t need the official endorsement of the BBC to be good.

Without that armour of love, though, instead the fandom turned into this endless oroborous of hostility centered around three people, who seem to just be total dickheads, great job you. This resulted in the blossoming of what was known as ‘the Johnlock Conspiracy,’ where through thousands of pages of well intentioned fumes, these fans huffed themselves into believing that Steven Moffat and Mark Gattis were secretly building up to exactly what they wanted, and they were the smartest people ever for noticing it. The lack of payoff of their beliefs and the active hostility Moffat had to their ideas and positions in person, that was all part of the conspiracy.

Oh, by the way, that idea – conspiracy – is when you have an unfalsifiable conjecture. If you can’t prove it false, no matter what, that’s when you’re dealing with a conspiracy theory.

The dramatic conclusion to all this was the series ended, their conspiracy was wrong, they theorycrafted themselves a few more months of content, and then most people let it drop.

But what if I told you there was a conspiracy?

Because there was. It just wasn’t the conspiracy they thought.

See, a conspiracy is a real thing: it’s a secret plan to do something harmful. And the BBC, since they published the work that Matt Hill described in Torchwoods Trans-Transmedia: Media Tie-Ins and Brand Fanagement, worked with the parameters of their experiment aggressively.

The idea, as I outlined in my article about Fanagement was that making the program so it could engage fans directly, and give fans feelings of creative ownership over the work would drive viewership and the kinds of engagement they liked (like, paying for things). Fanagement sought to make media ‘gifable’ – low saturation backgrounds with cuts of under a second so you could break a scene apart easily and conveniently. It wanted to make fan media easy to make, and to minimise hard declarative statements.

The lessons learned from this paper included things like ship teasing as a deliberate task – and I do mean teasing, with the idea that you had to do it in deniable and ambiguous ways. Making things definite wouldn’t get you as much fan engagement as keeping things ambiguous, because fans would make an inference based on what you show them, talk about it, then other fans would watch it again to make sure they could argue with you about it.

A mystery show like Sherlock was perfect for this kind of treatment. Treating the series as if there was some really deep, thoughtful question at the heart of it meant that there was always a reason to keep from ‘revealing’ the secret of the story, to string the audience along, like they’d believe or tolerate it, if it was all in service of a clever explanation. You get it, right? After all, we gave you all the clues.

The toxic fandom of Sherlock did not form as much as it was fostered.

A lesson from this experience, a lesson easily escaping notice, is that it’s not that ‘fandoms are all the same.’ They really aren’t. They are wildly varying in the terms of their problems and those problems root causes. What they tend to have in common is dynamics, but those dynamics are expressed in a lot of different ways. It’s not that ‘fandoms’ naturally become toxic and awful. There are fandoms that are generally, quite nice, and they tend to be that way because of the values of the central movers and shakers and the conscious willingness of people who perceive themselves as part of the fandom as taking care of it. The dynamic is the same – you have common nexuses of community that people interact with – and the kind of behaviour that’s acceptable and reasonable is filtered through them. If the idea of asking people to modify their behaviour or respect people’s boundaries is seen as unreasonable, then you can get a toxic space.

Also, as I talk about ‘toxic fandoms,’ understand toxicity is relative. There is, after all, a very real, very unironic Hitler Fandom, and they are probably one of the worst fandoms out there. Being a mean lawyer on the internet is bad, and I’ve no doubt the fandom curators known now as the Powerpuff Girls absolutely wrecked some teenagers’ lives – like, there are definitely people with, I am not joking or being hyperbolic, some PTSD triggers about (say) Tumblr or whatnot, based on the kind of social force these people were leveraging.

And then remember that holding that lever at the high end, right at the top with the most power over it was a company that made TV shows that was trying to make sure you watched their shows.

Also: The tools for doing this are available to all the companies that read the paper.

My advice? Exhort and uplift queer creators. Be positive about it, not negative. Don’t make your time about attacking other people’s dark fuckprince. Bring what you like to life, and bring that life into the light. Share and love each other, rather than find reasons to be mad at one another for how you’re all playing with toys a corporation wants you to treat with respect and only play properly. And as always, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept – so make sure your fandom circles aren’t putting up with some Powerpuff Girls.

Originally posted on my Blog.

#Sherlock #Johnlock #Fanagement #Conspiracy

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smiting-finger · 4 years

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Bin AU Headcanons

Part II of the (〃ω〃) 500 followers! unwritten-headcanon amnesty (some given in response to AO3 comment questions, and others given unsolicited, lol), this time for Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart and from me to you, my heart to yours

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian

Pre-Wei Wuxian’s first arrest, Lan Wangji was quietly volunteering as general legal aid (helping old migrants with their internet/other service contracts, helping women with their domestic violence paperwork), and then Wei Wuxian gets arrested at a protest and Lan Wangji is not there and he doesn’t know this area of law so he signs up to get involved with Activist Legal Support the next day.

Relatedly: Lan Wangji’s approach to helping Wei Wuxian has always been to turn up, do what needs to be done for Wei Wuxian to achieve his goals and then silently leave again. So when the two goobers eventually move in together (and are finally fully in each other’s space, and fully across each other’s movements), Wei Wuxian goes through a period of constant realisations like “Oh, Lan Zhan, you’re the one who’s been doing this? This as well?! THAT, TOO???”

Pre-fake dating, Lan Wangji knows that Wei Wuxian won’t keep any gifts given by secret admirers, but will shamelessly accept anything that Lan Wangji gives him outright as a friend (”friend”). He derives a petty satisfaction from that, and so has responded more than once to a gift-incident by giving Wei Wuxian a corresponding gift of his own:

So if he heard about the gift socks, he’d go out and get Wei Wuxian a pair of novelty There’s No Planet B! socks, which Wei Wuxian would naturally wear both immediately and proudly with his shortest pair of 4/5ths pants. (And Lan Wangji would stand next to him and somehow radiate smugness without making any change to his expression.)

Needless to say, Wei Wuxian has received a lot of Lan Wangji chocolate (chilli, fairtrade), lunches (homemade, nutritious) and other small items.

Wei Wuxian never even considers the possibility of not putting all his fake-dating eggs into the Lan Zhan basket. And also never stops to think about why that iss.

In re kungfu practice: when sparring against normal people, Lan Wangji does annoyed-leg-sweeps because of “I’ll bring you down every peg to the floor” reasons he’s too well-bred to voice.

Past recipients of this treatment have included:

Wen Chao,

Xue Yang at his most obnoxious

Jin Zixuan when gossip about his comments in re Jiang Yanli not being pretty or successful enough to date him (”I can’t believe my mum set me up with someone so mediocre”) is at its height.

This is pre-Wei Wuxian onstage-punch. That comes during the second round of gossip.

With Wei Wuxian (and only Wei Wuxian), however, it’s always leg sweeps and pinning, which is because of ... “irritation”.

The Phoenix Mountain Reserve photo has been Lan Wangji’s favourite shot of Wei Wuxian since it was made publicly available, but he couldn’t use it as a wallpaper for obvious reasons.

Then he agrees to the fake-dating, sees how far Wei Wuxian was going to take it and realised: chansu!

At some point during the fake-dating, Wei Wuxian escalates from the phone entry of Oppa to calling Lan Wangji “Oppa~!” in real life, and then from there to a full “Oppa! Saranghaeyo~!” with the arms-on-head love heart.

After n iterations of this, Lan Zhan responds with a mirror arms-on-head love heart and a deadpan “Saranghaeyo.” with his face still like (• _ •) and it’s an instant, supereffective K.O. for Wei Wuxian.

Every so often, when another one of his romantic overtures has soared right over Wei Wuxian’s head, Lan Wangji considers Jin Zixuan’s over-the-top demonstrations of affection and thinks (bleakly) “...Jin Zixuan got a singing telegram. Must I also resort to a singing telegram? ; _ ; “

In re: the concert hip-hop number, shirtlessness is the goal all along:

A-Qing (who is also a troublemaker on Lan Qiren’s radar - as soon as he receives the form that says that she and Wei Wuxian will be working together, his spidey senses start tingling) has been constantly referencing it throughout all their practices like:

“Well, because you’ll be shirtless, you’ll have to make sure to-”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, totally do that, but remember that you’ll be shirtless too, so-”

Even Song Zichen and Xue Yang know about it and have been visibly bracing themselves for the dress (or undress, lul) rehearsal

Wei Wuxian has missed all of this because of his amazing tunnel vision.

Speaking of Song Zichen and Xue Yang, while they’re having their Moments:

Xiao Xingchen is swanning around like “But do you think the performance had artistic integrity? A-Qing, I’m a little worried that the choreography didn’t do full justice to the abilities of all our members! I hope they don’t think I’m hogging the limelight!”, taunting them with his half-nakedness while he earnestly tries to make sure that all the other dancers are comfortable and happy with the final arrangement

A-Qing fully notices the heart-eye beams shooting over from the wings (and fully notices the same heart-eye beams shooting over during various practices), briefly thinks about saying something to put the two losers out of their misery (because Xiao Xingchen is not the special level of oblivious that Wei Wuxian is), but then thinks ... nah.

During practice back-painting, Wei Wuxian is so focused on Not Looking that his mistimes his ~sexy stretch~ and gets it in precisely when Lan Wangji has turned his back to get the towel, so it really is all for nothing, RIP.

In the reprise back-painting session (and there definitely is one, what with Lan Wangji’s love for marking and the fact that Chinese calligraphers usually sign their name on their work), the levels of both shamelessness and trolling shoot through the roof on both sides:

Wei Wuxian suddenly feels the need to do a lot more whimpering and moaning, and his flinches of “surprise” and wriggling to “get comfortable” suddenly happen a lot more in the hip area than they did before.

Lan Wangji does a lot more touching of the skin he’s about to paint to “warn” Wei Wuxian that the brush is coming (do warnings have to be quite so ... lingering? Only Lan Wangji knows), discovers a sudden need for wrist-pinning to “hold Wei Wuxian still while he works” and his blowing on ink to get it dry suddenly gets a lot more ... sensual ...

Lan Wangji is the teacher that all his babies are always proposing to. They lOvE him with every inch of their tiny baby hearts, and after they get together, Wei Wuxian watches on with a knowing nod, like “My fam, I getcha. Gege will support you in expressing your feelings and we can ALL win!”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know it, but he has a group of grannies and grandpas wringing their hands over his happiness, too: It’s all well and good that he’s seeing the Lan boy now, but when are they gonna get married, huh? HUH?! WHAT’S THE POINT OF SAVING THE PLANET IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA FILL IT WITH BABIES, WEI WUXIAN???

So once they officially start dating, Wei Wuxian steps into the Cultural Centre like “Ah, our fresh new romance! Even after all this time of fake-dating, I’d better give people some transition time to get used to this new state of affairs!”

And in the background, 73 aunties and grannies are thinking “Look how behind schedule you are, Wei Wuxian!” (because it’s definitely his fault, and not Lan Wangji’s). “Where are the babies? WHERE ARE THE BABIES??”

The wedding advice Wei Wuxian got from the grannies during Mianmian’s wedding prep is liberally flavoured with real life anecdotes like:

“Don’t be like XX’s son. He made the mistake of trying to skimp on the dowry - so disrespectful to people who’ve poured so much love and energy into raising a daughter - and it poisoned the entire relationship.”

“That venue is no good - YY’s daughter had her reception there, and we all had diarrhoea after eating the prawns.”

(And Wei Wuxian is like: “How can you retain all of this bullshit detail about every wedding the Cultural Society has ever witnessed, but still not know how to say the phrase ‘Excuse me, what time is the bus coming’ in English?!”)

Mianmian definitely also gets strong-armed by her excited mother into some glorious(ly terrible) Chinese-style studio wedding photos (with industrial-strength airbrushing and wedding costume changes that span many cultures and many Chinese time periods).

Mianmian swears to never let Wei Wuxian get his grubby hands on that album, on pain of death.

But then her parents host something, and Wei Wuxian goes, and right there, hanging in their living room, is a floor-to-ceiling calendar, featuring Mianmian and Mian-man dressed as Chinese emperor and empress (because Mianmian certainly didn’t want it in her house, but it came with the package.)

Wei Wuxian makes a noise that Mianmian previously thought only dolphins could produce, and proceeds to take SO MANY photos with his phone.

At some point after Mianmian’s wedding, Lan Wangji comes out of the shower to find:

1 pair of pyjama bottoms waiting for him on the bed; and

Wei Wuxian in the corresponding top (which doesn’t cover his butt after all, but whatever, he’s committed), shooting him a double-thumbs up and wearing an expression like 8D!

(And Lan Wangji decides it’s not worth fighting and just goes with it.)

Lan Qiren

Lan Qiren is totally the kind of parent who never boasts about his children directly, but will listen politely to you telling him about how your son scored 86 in his maths examination, and wait for you to obligation-ask about his kids before casually saying, “Oh, Wangji? He scored full marks” and smiling thinly.

He’ll add “Sounds like your son worked really hard” for extra fuck you value if you were being particularly obnoxious.

The greatest tragedy in his parenting life is realising that if your children are The Best, it’s only possible for them to marry down.

His initial feelings regarding Wei Wuxian dating his nephew can probably be summed up as: “Wei Wuxian, I did not lovingly raise my precious Lan Wangji just to give him to you!!!”

(The problem is that his nephew (inexplicably) likes Wei Wuxian so much, mumblegrumble.)

For weeks after The Resentment of Lan Qiren, every time Lan Qiren sees Wen Ning, he shakes his head sadly to himself and mutters “What a shame, what a shame.”

When Wen Ning responds with a slightly panicked “?!”, Lan Qiren just pats him on the shoulder, like, “No, no, it’s not you. We can’t choose our relatives. And isn’t that the greatest shame in the world?” - and then DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.

And after many bouts of thinking and rethinking still lead him to the conclusion that Wei Wuxian is the best choice in comparison to all the other available options, Lan Qiren may or may not visit Cangse Sanren’s grave to burn some incense for an excuse to stand there and offer a sullen, “You fukken got me again, you bastard. I can’t believe you.”

He doesn’t know who he hates more:

Wei Wuxian for being himself and yet still the best choice

Cangse Sanren for not letting being dead stop her from continuing to be a thorn in Lan Qiren’s side

Wen Ruohan for being undesirable enough to disqualify the only valid competitor

The other parents for failing to produce children who are better than Wei Wuxian

(Like: Surely it can’t be that hard if he (+ his brother + his sister-in law) managed to produce two)

So he settles for hating everyone.

For his next birthday, Lan Xichen sends him a box of blood-pressure-lowering supplements.

Lan Qiren is like “!!!” but he still takes them because just because his nephew is being impudent does not mean there is not also a Need.

In re 3zun:

Lan Qiren goes around determinedly Not Thinking about Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao. Every time his eyes approach something he doesn’t want to see, he just turns his head like NOPE.

He eventually realises that he and Wei Wuxian have this in common and that Wei Wuxian is therefore his most valuable ally - both in terms of having someone to pivot to and have very loud, very enthusiastic conversations about anything else whenever the 3zun do something they don’t want to see, and also having someone to commiserate with about Not Wanting to Know. (But because they’re them, they alternate between teaming up for self-preservation and using their mutual weakness to take petty jabs at each other.)

"-If two of them are dating, then where does that leave the third one?!"

"RIGHT? Imagine finding out that they were silently pining away, forced to third-wheel for their unrequited love and best friend - unrequited LOVES AND BEST FRIENDS? What would you say to that?!"

"That's not even considering which one the third wheel would be - I honestly don't know which option would be the worst, they're all terrible."

"I'm almost ready to say that I'd rather they all be dating each other, except then I'd have to think about how that would work, dynamic-wise, like - who calls the shots? Do you think Nie Mingjue is domineering all the time, or do you think it’s a public front, and he then goes home to be dominated by-"

“STOP.”

Even before 3zun get together (both Lan Qiren and Wei Wuxian have chosen to Never Know when this is), Jin Guangyao is throwing out suggestive comments left and right and then immediately whipping out his (◔◡◔✿) face for anyone’s double-take:

50% to test the waters of public sentiment before he makes a move and it actually becomes his problem

50% because he’s a troll who likes dominance displays

Knowing this factoid, one of Wei Wuxian’s mental 3zun Dynamics possibilities features Superdom!Jin Guangyao, but he does his best to avoid thinking about that.

After Lan Qiren mentally accepts Wei Wuxian into the fold:

He still internally responds to at least 50% of the things that Wei Wuxian does with “Why, that little shit”, but it’s also implied that Wei Wuxian is their little shit now.

And for Lan Family! Qiren, this means: If you shit on him, WE shit on you.

“Shufu”

Lan Qiren definitely Notices when Wei Wuxian calls him that, but it Doesn’t Do to make a fuss.

He probably has a conversation with Lan Xichen sometime around the first family dinner that goes:

LQR: You've noticed that he's still calling me 'Uncle Qiren' like we're nothing to each other.

LXC: ...If you want him to call you Shufu, should you perhaps not mention that to him?

LQR: What? No, he should already know these things!

And then after the wedding:

LQR: Your brother's boyfriend is finally acting like one of the family. LXC: Haha, oh my.

Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan

Although their mothers have been friends for ages, Jin Zixuan grows up in a different city, so they don't see each other growing up. The Jins later move for Jin Zixuan's high-flying corporate job, Madam Jin joins the Culture Society at her friend's behest and immediately falls in love with Jiang Yanli as a daughter-in-law.

After a lot of cajoling (in both directions), she gets them to agree to one date, which is a disaster (I have more headcanons about this but they won't fit in here)

Jin Zixuan has a lot of money and zero sense of proportion, which does not generally result in tasteful things. (Where Jiang Yanli is concerned, his desire to keep up a "cool" image is completely overpowered by his desire to please, so that doesn't help either. Like a golden retriever who wants people to think he's a cat.)

After they get married, Wei Wuxian sometimes thinks about the peacock's peacocking rituals, like: "It's good that he's gotten more reasonable now that they're married - no, wait, what if he hasn't gotten more reasonable, but there's just no one around to see it because they're married?!" and never gets brave enough to ask his sister about it.

After Jin Ling's birth, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng (and maybe even Jin Zixuan) get locked in an ongoing battle for Jin Ling's affections. Jiang Yanli is the clear favourite, as she should be, but they all want to be #2, and their constant jostling is how he ends up with no chill despite being raised by one calm mum and one aloof (but secretly disaster) dad

But because Jiang Yanli is around, he's very polite about it: the kind of kid who barrels in screaming blue murder, skids to a halt and says "Auntie", and then tears out screaming blue murder again

Wei Wuxian tones it down a lot after he and Lan Wangji adopt A-Yuan because he’s got better things to do, but it’s still A Thing (during visits, A-Yuan spends a lot of time in Auntie Yanli’s lap being gently fed things while his dad and shushu yell at each other over the top of his cousin’s head)

Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli

Initially brought together by their brothers, they now meet up for regular, peaceful, wholesome tea-dates where they discuss the lives of their mutuals and gently exchange advice (and strategies on how to keep their angry-angry parent/proxy-parent's blood pressure down.

Whereas Jiang Cheng gets closer to coughing up blood with every year that passes by without Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji getting their shit together, Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli take the more optimistic view of "Look at how well-prepared we are, we've just run another year ahead of schedule!"

Dinner Crew

Jiang Cheng has been the unwilling audience to years of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s bullshit.

If asked, he would say: “And you wonder why I’m so angry?! What do you mean ‘dating’, you’ve been fucking married for the last five years!” but no one ever does :’D

Every so often, he thinks about how happy their sister is about the dating situation because she doesn’t know that it’s fake, and he grinds his teeth because why can’t he also not-know!?

To this, Nie Huaisang says, “If we didn’t know we couldn’t help!”

And Jiang Cheng replies, “WE’RE NOT HELPING ANYWAY, LOOK AT HIM!!!”

Meanwhile, Jiang Yanli continues to gush about how happy she is for Wei Wuxian and all Jiang Cheng can do is laugh really unnaturally because he has to “Be strong, Jiang Cheng! Be strong for A-jie! ╥﹏╥”

He goes to read the comments on the Society Facebook after the fujoshi conversation, and gets so angry at all these people who are like “Ah, their love is so beautiful!” that he has to uninstall his Facebook app, and go and shout into a cupboard somewhere.

The non-Wei-Wuxian members of the dinner group have set up a separate chat to act as a support group, where they all go to:

Wail and gnash their teeth after Wei Wuxian does something particularly dumb

Scheme ways into getting Wei Wuxian to get a clue

Console one another when someone’s brave attempt at getting Wei Wuxian to face the truth fails miserably (because while they play by the rules of ‘what a normal human would do’, Wei Wuxian lives by the principle of ‘lol norms are for losers’.)

Relatedly: for every resigned Nie Huaisang face or enraged Jiang Cheng face that Wei Wuxian notices, there are at least three desperate-yet-silent exchanges that he doesn’t.

Wen Ning is always really optimistic about it, nodding encouragingly like “He’s gonna get it - he’s gonna get it! - oh no, he’s not gonna get it. Oh. Oh no. Ó╭╮Ò”

Wen Ning always has at least one small child hanging off him at all times when he’s at the Cultural Centre because they know he can always be bullied into playing with them and they think he’s great.

Past bullshit dinner group projects have included Getting Jiang Cheng a Date and Making a Picture out of Jin Guangyao’s Forehead Dot While He’s Sleeping

(In re the forehead dot, they end up settling for making it bigger every time he nods off during a movie night at Nie Huaisang’s house, and Nie Mingjue comes home to what’s basically a Japanese flag on Jin Guangyao’s forehead and is like ಠ_ಠ)

Future dinner group projects include providing Wei Wuxian with support for Grand Plans like Getting Along with Uncle Qiren and providing Jiang Cheng with unwanted support for things like Workshopping Jiang Cheng’s List of Partner Requirements

A-Yuan

After A-Yuan’s adoption, Wei Wuxian and Lan Qiren redouble their efforts in Can we divorce an in-law?! because although they couldn’t save themselves from being related to Jin Guangyao, for their PRECIOUS BOY--

Therefore, when A-Yuan is five or six and starts to sound out how he’s related to people and why:

A-Yuan: So if Jin-yeye is Uncle Guangyao’s dad, then that makes him my-

Wei Wuxian: NOTHING!

Lan Qiren (springing up from the other side of the room): NOTHING!

Lan Xichen: lol

At around about this same time, Wei Wuxian, who is never gonna stop trolling Lan Qiren about ruzhui until the day he dies, runs A-Yuan through the “You see, my son, my family is not so well-to-do, and since your Uncle married into the Nie family-” talk, and then proceeds to reference it at every opportunity:

1: Despite A-Yuan almost certainly not asking, and

2: despite (/especially because of) Lan Qiren shouting “DON’T TEACH HIM WEIRD THINGS!” in the background.

(Lan Wangji probably lets it happen or encourages it because he thinks it’s funny)

#CQL #The Untamed #Wangxian #陈情令 #魔道祖师 #mo dao zu shi #not-fic

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jiaraendgame · 4 years

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Dress Code

Summary: Close to summer vacation a massive heatwave hits the Outer Banks. Kiara decides to dress comfortably to combat the unbearable temperatures despite the strict rules of the Kildare High dress code. When things take a turn the Pogues take a stand for Kie.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of over-sexualization of female bodies. Bad writing and probably editing issues even though I’ve read it through many times. Probably slightly out of character for Kie. If I missed anything let me know!

A/N: This was a request from a lovely anon a while back now. I apologize how long this took! I do hope you enjoy it. It is way longer than intended, but once more I can’t write anything short. Original concept is from THIS post made by @maybanktho I had fun writing this one though I lowkey struggled writing for Kie so I won’t lie this is NOT my best work. This has a lot of dialogue compared to my normal description heavy writing. Hopefully it’s not as trash as I think it is. I haven’t been in high school for a few years now so I used a lot of the dress code concepts that I remembered from back when I was in school. Regardless I hope you enjoy the Platonic!Pogues. Let me know what you think?

Word Count: 7.5k. Oops.

Gif Credit: @jjbanks

Summer in the Outer Banks was swiftly approaching, and with it came the scorching heat and sticky humidity. While the Kook Academy was lucky enough to house central air conditioning throughout its halls, Kildare High wasn't as fortunate. No matter how many fans they ran, and windows opened, the halls of Kildare County's finest educational system felt like a sauna. The sweat and body odor radiated off the teens, and there wasn't much they could do about it.

You'd think for living on an island, the dress code in the education establishments would be a little more relaxed all things considered. Unfortunately, much like most government-run systems, a set of rules were in place to keep the teens in line. While Kildare High didn't have uniforms like the Kook Academy, they still had standards in place that told them what was and was not appropriate apparel.

Kiara was one of if not the biggest activists in Kildare High. Always fighting for environmental improvement and equal treatment and opportunity for the females of The Cut. While Kie rarely broke the rules at school unless there was good reason to do so, she would, on occasion, bend and seek out loopholes in the standards set around her by her peers. Today was one of those days. While she knew her parents would detest her resilience, Kie decided that it was beginning to become too hot to bear the standard dress code.

With Summer break a few weeks away, she thought surely the teachers and staff would let it slide as temperatures continued to rise. Thursday afternoon was to be the hottest it has been thus far on the island. There was no way she could stand her normal capris and t-shirt combo today. Instead, she chose to wear a white and blue tie-dyed tank top accompanied by a pair of jean shorts. While she didn't want to make it too obvious, she was working against the dress code, she made sure her tank top covered her shoulders by no less than two fingers worth of fabric. While the technical rule asked for three-finger coverage, she didn't think anyone would notice. She also made sure her shorts came at least to her fingertips, though, depending, they would occasionally rise up a smidgen past the parameters set, but she couldn't help that they would rise up as she walked.

These rules were mediocre at best. If Kie had a longer torso and arms, admittedly, it would make wearing shorts nearly impossible to do. She saw it time, and time again, the taller girls get dinged on their shorts being too short, not hitting the required length set by mere arm length measurements. The tank top rule was arguably as frustrating as her male counterparts got away with wearing muscle tanks and were left alone, provided the sides weren't gapped open too far down their abdomen. The whole system felt rigged against you if you were a female. No low-cut tops. No crop tops. No tank tops unless it covers your shoulders with at least three fingers width of fabric. No shorts that went above your fingertips when you had your arms down. The list goes on.

While the dress rules circled Kie's mind, she chose to ignore her second-guessing. The school wasn't going to stop her from seeking some form of comfort during this heatwave. With her mind made up and her outfit on, she headed out of her house with a quick shout goodbye to her parents. Waiting for her was the old VW Van that the Pogues dubbed The Twinkie. The windows were down, and she could hear an upbeat reggae tune flowing from the crackling old speakers. She smiled and waved to the boys jumping into the open side door.

"Good morning, boys." She hummed out.

"Morning, Kie." The brunette boy driving spoke out as he pulled into the road headed towards their final destination.

"Good is questionable, but morning regardless," Pope spoke out, his nose buried in a textbook likely studying for the math test that was to be held this morning.

"You are way too chipper for this early in the morning, Kie." The disheveled and groggy blonde boy drawled as he slings his arm around her shoulders.

"You do make a good pillow, though." JJ continues to speak, leaning his head on Kie producing fake snores from his lips.

Kie sighs at the already sticky boy leaning on her as it is too early in the morning for his antics. "It is way too hot to be leaning on me right now, JJ, get off." She shoves his side lightly.

"Aw, come on Kie, you know you love me." A small chuckle leaves his lips.

With a roll of her eyes, she slides to the left, relieving herself from the boy's arm. The heat was already rising this early morning. More confirmation that she made the right decision to wear something that would help alleviate her discomfort. Kie reaches over and flicks the brim of Pope's hat, causing him to swat lightly at her hand.

“Hey, come on now, if I don’t get this last-minute studying in, I don’t know if I’ll survive Mr. Hew’s test. It’s too early to be thinking about factorial algorithms right now.”

“Exactly it’s too early for that so… let’s just fix the problem” JJ reaches over, clasping the book closed and tossing it to Kie.

“Man, stop it, give it back!”

"Pope relax, if any of us is prepared for this, it's you. You got this, okay? Now stop stressing and have some breakfast!"

Kie pulls out a container from her bag, opening it to reveal Mr. Carrera's freshly baked banana bread. The smell permeates the van filling the boy's nostrils. A tan arm reaches out, swiping one from the container and promptly shoving half of it in his mouth.

“Don’t have to ask me twice!” JJ speaks crumbs falling from his overstuffed mouth.

"JJ, that's…" Kie pauses only to have her sentence finished by Pope seconds later.

“Disgusting…” he nods in agreement. Politely reaching over and snatching a baked good for himself.

“Hey! Don’t forget the driver now! Don’t make me pull this van over.” John B pipes up from the front seat.

"Relax John B, we could never forget you." Kie speaks, handing the brunette his slice of banana bread. Finally, then taking the last slice for herself, savoring the sweet symphony dancing on her tongue.

With the Pogues finishing their breakfast courtesy of Kie and her father, it wasn't long before they pulled into view of Kildare High. A slight unanimous sigh leaving their mouths. Another day here is another day closer to having the best Summer ever. Kie thought to herself. As the van slowed, the group of friends were quickly greeted with the humidity kissing their skin. With the lack of wind flowing through the gapping windows as the van parked with a clank, JJ slides open the side door.

Jumping out of the van, the blonde Pogue speaks up. "It should be illegal to have to go to school when it's this hot out. We should be hitting the waves right now."

“You know there was actually a case that a school in New York City shut down due to an extreme heatwave in 2018.” Pope chimed in standing beside JJ.

“If only we were that lucky, I would kill to be out on the HMS Pogue right now.” John B forcefully shuts the driver’s door.

JJ holds his hand out for Kie to grab, and as she grasps it, she can feel the sweat form. A slight grimace graces her face as JJ practically peels Kie off like a piece of tape stuck to the sticky seat in the van.

"You know boys… I don't say this often, but days like these, I so desperately want to skip."

"Ooh, look at Kie thinking all rebellious today." JJ winks at her a smug look twinkling in his eyes.

“Shut up JJ, I’m not like you. I don’t ditch out whenever there’s a good swell to surf.”

JJ clutches his chest, mock offended by her comment. "You're just jealous that instead of taking the Spanish quiz last week, I was out living my best life." he chuckles.

“You guys are ridiculous, let’s head in before we are late again. I’m really not feeling detention today.” Pope starts towards the doors, JJ and John B in tow.

“When are you ever feeling detention Pope?” John B jokes.

Kie quickens her pace and bumps her hip into John B for pestering their friend. Entering the doors of the school, it was clear everyone was feeling the heat today. Maybe I can actually get away with this, Kie hoped. As she glances around, she sees many others also ditching the likes of the apparel parameters set up by the school district.

The Pogues meandered their way through several other kids from The Cut. The occasional "What's up!" and nods being given as they reached their destination: room 204, Math with Mr. Hew. Pushing through the door, they rush for seats in the back of the class. The boys had the jump on Kie, noticing there were only 3 seats open towards the end of the classroom. JJ playfully shoved John B as he rushed to the one farthest back sliding into the chair with a smack. A smirk adorned his face triumphant of his victory. Pope and John B glanced towards each other before the second chair was stolen by Pope, who was now sitting adjacent to JJ.

“Come on! You guys always get the good seats.”

A laugh leaves the two boys' lips. "Sometimes you gotta fight dirty JB." JJ calls out, looking over to Kie, who is farthest from the remaining seat.

Kie stands between desks shaking her head at the boys who, within 2 minutes of entering the classroom, caused a commotion over something as simple as seating arrangements.

"Come on, Kie, one more seat left; you aren't gonna let John B beat you to it, are you?" JJ's playful tone rang in her ears. Though she knew better than to join their early morning antics, the enticement was there. She knew they were right; the back seats were the best to sit in, especially in Mr. Hew's class. It was seconds after JJ spoke that John B started to head for the chair, a "No way," leaning his lips at the boy's teasing words.

She had to think quickly as John B was sure to get there before her when an idea popped into her head. JJ was right. Sometimes you gotta play dirty, she thought. She went to take a step, and in a forward trust fall fashion, Kie squeaked her voice to mimic panic to grab the boy's attention as she purposefully tripped on a desk leg. She knew he wouldn't let her fall, well as long as he believed it was real.

John B being the guy that he is, was quick on his feet as he caught Kie's arm and pulled her weight toward him, so she fell into his chest rather than the floor. Straightening her up, John B scans his eyes over her looking for any injuries before asking if she was okay. Being in front of him, Kiara had a better angle to get to the desk before the boy knew what was going on.

"My hero John B!" Kie dramatically peaks her voice playing a damsel in distress. "Thanks for the help, sucker!" She laughs as she pushes John B's shoulders back and dashes to the open seat next to JJ.

"Oh! Oh no, you don't!" John B swiftly wraps his arms around Kie's torso and twirls her as they erupt in laughter.

"Dirty plays, my man! I told you to watch out." JJ laughs at their friend’s rush to get the seat.

Before Kie realized it, her top was riding up, revealing her midriff, and her shorts slid up her thighs. She knew she had to adjust herself quickly, even if that meant losing the good seat. However, it was already too late. A booming voice calls out over the classroom.

"Routledge, Carrera, Maybank, Heyward!" The stern yet irritated tone called out to the four Pogues. John B quickly placed Kie back to the ground. Their attention was now focused on the man in a Hawaiian top and khaki shorts who stood in front of the room.

"Why, good morning to you too, Mr. Hew, what a particularly sweltering day we are having, isn't it?" JJ mockingly spoke while the rest of the Pogues gave him the side-eye wishing he would have kept his mouth shut.

"I've had enough of this disruption." The heat had everyone in a cranky mood today. This didn't exclude the teachers as Mr. Hew scolded the Pogues hooligan behavior.

"Mr. Hew, honestly, we didn't mean to get you upset, we just wanted to find good seats, and we may have gotten a bit carried away." John B tried to back pedal his friends out of the mess they started to no avail.

"I don't care for your reasoning Routledge; my classroom is not your jungle gym. If you four continue this today, you all will receive zeros for your tests." The seriousness rang out in his words.

"Sir, isn't that a little harsh all things considered? The bell hasn't even rung yet, we didn't mean to cause any harm." Kiara spoke out protective over the Pogues, knowing a zero on this test would affect all their grades. While JJ didn't care, he needed this grade to pass the class, and Pope couldn't risk a drop that would threaten his scholarship. John B rode the middle line, his grades not as bad as JJ's, but still at the risk of being lower than necessary for a smart kid when he chooses to use his head. Kie's grades were up there, not at Pope's level, but enough to be noticeable if she failed. They were never the golden kids, but who was when they came from The Cut? The closest one to being a model student was Pope, but even he would get caught up in the actions of his friends.

Mr. Hew looked over to Kiara, ready to refute her prominent yet protective attitude, but before he spoke, another problem arose. Kie's shorts were scrunched up much higher than the fingertip limit. While she was able to cover her midriff before any notice happened, she hadn't had the chance to pull the hem of her shorts down her thighs before she spoke in defense for the Pogues and their grades.

A sigh left Mr. Hew's lips. "We have a problem here, don't we Ms. Carrera," he spoke, facing her. He was giving her an out, to admit she had an apparel problem, but Kie wouldn't give in. Maybe she could talk her way out of it, she hoped.

"What do you mean, sir? I don't think anything is wrong other than you threatening zeros on our tests." She attempted to bring the attention back to the group and their earlier horseplay. To no avail, Mr. Hew shook his head at her.

"Kiara… please place your arms down and fingertips straight." He spoke to her before turning away from where she stood and pulled out the school handbook. Mr. Hew was a big stickler for that thing. He read it and abided by it like it was the bible itself. The Pogues looked on at her confusion, scrunched up in their furrowed brows and watchful eyes.

Kiara did as she was told trying to pull the hem down in the process, but with no luck, her fingertips reached well past her shorts. The hem just hitting her middle knuckles. She was busted.

"Sir, before you say anything, this can be fixed. I am not in any violation here. Just hold on."

"Stop. Kiara, you know the rules. The dress code is very clear to all students. You can't come around here dressed like that." The tone in his voice was condescending. This was enough to set her off. She would not be patronized over a rule that had no logical substance to them.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hew, correct me if I'm wrong, but are you telling me that because my shorts ride up a bit with normal movement, I am dressed in a manner that isn't appropriate?" She questions his notion, over the hypocrisy that females were held to standards that ridiculed the human body.

"I am saying that you should have known dressing in those would cause provocative allure that is much too revealing to your fellow students." He pauses before clearing his throat and speaking again. "Now, you have to go change or be sent to in-school suspension for the rest of your day until you find appropriate items to wear in class."

Kiara scoffs at the perceptions being placed on her as they were demeaning to her as a female. She wouldn’t stand for the blatant sexism occurring in front of her. The Pogues quickly realized that this was not going to end well.

"Excuse me, are you telling me that I am creating a distraction with my body because I dressed in shorts. Do you not understand how entirely sexist that is?" Kiara had had it with the blatant disregard of her body, feeling like she was being looked at as an object and not a human.

Her voice continued to get louder as she ranted on towards the red-faced teacher growing angrier by the second. "This is ridiculous. The boys can have half their abdomens peeking through the sides of their tank tops and not be causing a distraction, but as a female, if I am showing too much of my thighs, this is a problem. You are sexualizing mine and other female bodies like we are a piece of meat. This is so screwed up; these rules are against the females of this school and praise the boys due to our sexual organs. News flash, we are all human and guess what it is beyond hot outside. So, I am sorry I chose to dress with comfort in mind and not the worry of stimulating the sexual minds of my peers because I am showing my thighs. God forbid I wore a bathing suit, right? Now that would really be a distraction."

"Carrera! Out of my classroom, now!" The teacher boomed his hand, gesturing towards the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are my thighs too distracting for you, sir? Are they turning you on? If so, you are the one with the real problem here, Mr. Hew. Doesn't look too good if a single human feature is causing all this trouble for you, does it? The sexualization of the female body in this society is sickening. Wearing shorts is not provocative, and if you think it is okay to patronize someone for their choice of clothing, then you sir are the one with the problem. The length of my shorts is not a reason to sexualize myself or any girl. We should be able to dress comfortably on a hot day without being looked at as an object. I-"

“Out! Carrera get out of this classroom and go to the office. You are done for the day!” Mr. Hew was fuming with anger at Kiara’s words as he fumbled his last warning to the girl.

The Pogues and the rest of the class had their eyes wide, and mouths dropped to the floor. Kiara was always passionate about the rights of women and how they were treated compared to men. Even in something as minuscule as a school system dress code, the everyday over-sexualization of females and their bodies was pitiful. She wasn't upset that she was being sent out of the room; she was angry that people viewed her and others as just a piece of meat prime for their viewing pleasures.

Kiara grabbed her bag and swiftly left the classroom, visibly distraught. She never expected this day to end up like this, but here she was. As she went to the office, the principal was already made aware of the incident. Without a second thought, Kiara was given one day of in-school suspension starting tomorrow. Followed by a two day out of school suspension that was to begin the upcoming Monday morning for her lash out in the classroom and accusatory words towards her teacher. All things considering, she was let off with a light sentence. Her parents, however, wouldn't be as lenient.

With Kiara out of the classroom, the bell had finally rung signally for class to begin. Mr. Hew tried to bring order back into place as the Pogues all glanced over at each other. Unsure of what to do. While they always poked fun at Kie when she went on her tirades to them in the past this time, they came to the realization that she was right. She and fellow female students were treated with a bias towards them when it came to the dress code in place. It wasn't fair, and they knew they had to do something about it, they just weren't sure of what.

JJ is frantic and as subtle as a bull in a china shop whips out his phone, quickly texting the other boys. In shock of what took place, he started to brainstorm ideas.

Did you guys see Kie? My god, she was fuming!

Pope

We all saw her idiot. She made valid points though

John B

Yeah, she's right, it really wasn't fair for her to get dress coded. Look at all the times JJ comes in with his muscle tanks on, he's always flashing his nips, but no one says anything.

Pope

You aren’t wrong, but what are we gonna do about it?

Hey man, I resent that statement. Really though, we gotta come up with something! If it were us in this situation, you know Kie would have our backs.

Pope

We could protest? Maybe petition to get the standards changed?

John B

How? It’s not like we can come in here with short shorts on, that would just look like a big joke.

Pope

We need to figure out how to stand with her in solidarity in some way that isn’t foolish.

OMG

JB THAT’S IT!

Pope

I am NOT wearing short shorts! JJ, it's out of the question.

John B

Yeah, man, I'm not really following you here.

No, you idiots! Ugh, okay mandatory meeting at the Chateau after school! I have an idea!

Pope and John B glance at each other with a nervous look lingering in their eyes. When JJ was the one making plans, you never knew what was gonna happen. There was a reason he was never in charge of their past excursions.

While the day dragged on, the boys were anxious to get in contact with Kie. She wasn't answering her texts. That was never a good sign, likely meaning her parents didn't take the news too well and confiscated her phone. With the final bell signaling the end of the day, the boys hopped into the Twinkie and were off to The Wreck. They wanted to check in on Kie before their gathering back at the Chateau.

The boys lingered outside for a moment before stepping into the bustling restaurant. They glanced around and quickly made eye contact with Mr. Carrera. He greeted them with a begrudging expression written on his face. Pope takes a step forward and speaks on behalf of the boys.

"Hey there, Mr. C. we just wanted to check in and see if Kiara was okay? Do you think we could talk to her for a moment?" The boy's polite and soft manner caused a sigh to leave Mr. Carrera's mouth.

"My delinquent of a daughter isn't here right now. She is at home and will remain there for two weeks but thank you for asking about her. While I don't condone her or her friend's actions, at least it's clear to me you boys look after her. Even if it is in a questionable manner." The tough but concerned father looked over the boys once more hesitantly, happy to know his daughter had people who cared about her, unlike when she was in the Kook Academy.

"I will tell her you boys visited, but you won't be able to speak to her for a little while. She won't have access to her phone as part of her punishment. Now, if you don't plan to order anything, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." The stern figure spoke to them. It was clear Kie's father was never too keen on her Pogue friends and lifestyle choices, but over time he has come to warm up around them knowing they made his daughter happy. That's all he could ever want for her is for her to be happy and feel loved.

"Right well, thank you, sir, for the update. We are sorry to bother you." Pope speaks, taking a step back as the other boys turn to head out towards the van.

Once outside, they started their trek back to John B's. The windows were down while they cruised the bumpy dirt roads of The Cut, allowing the air to flow through and dance around the boys' heat-stricken bodies. They all pondered just how to help Kiara's situation.

Hours had passed since they got to the Chateau, and with beers, in their hands, JJ finally opened his mouth eager to tell the boys of his brilliant idea. "Okay, so the stand with Kie meeting has officially been called to order and boys do I have the best plan." A mischievous smirk plastered itself across JJ's sweaty sun-kissed face.

"Yeah, something about you and "best plan" doesn't exactly go together there, chief." Pope chuckled.

"If I recall, your last "best plan" ended with us getting into a scuffle with the Kooks and Kie having to break it up. So, let's hope this plan of yours isn't as disastrous." John B chimes in.

"Alright, alright, shut up, you guys. Just because my plans don't always go to plan doesn't mean they don't get the job done. Sometimes we have to go off-book."

"What do you mean, off-book?" John B eyeballs the blonde confusion on his face.

“Well, you remember what Kie said? Her body is overly sexualized while us guys get away with wearing basically whatever we want. That pesky little rule book faults girls but favors the boys.”

“I see what you are saying, but I’m not quite sure I’m following.” Pope pipes up.

"Shirtless. We go to school tomorrow, shirtless." JJ blurts out his thoughts, the other boys go wide-eyed. "If they are going to sexualize thighs in shorts, but not our practically bare abdomens when we wear cut-offs, then why not just show up without shirts on at all."

"You know… that could work. It's like…" John B snaps his fingers together, searching for the words he wishes to speak.

"It's like reverse psychology or whatever!" JJ completed John B's train of thought.

"Yes! Okay, I'm in. Protest the unjust sexualization of female bodies under the dress code. For once, JJ, you might actually have a great idea."

"What can I say? I was due for one eventually, right? So, what do you say, Pope?" The blue-eyed boy turns to Pope, who has been awfully quiet during this whole process of discussion.

The boy sighs towards his friends, who wore goofy smiles on their faces. Excited for their scheme. "I don't know… it seems frivolous at best."

“Can’t we just get a petition going instead and collect signatures to change the dress code to be more fitting for our tropical climate?”

"Aw c'mon man, you know a bunch of teenaged signatures isn't gonna fix anything. The school board isn't going to budge on this, and neither will the parents unless we make a show of the ridiculous rules instead." John B tries to reason with the boy whose eyebrows were knitted together, detesting the thought of showing up to a school environment shirtless.

"Pope man, he's right. They aren't going to listen to us, when have they ever? If we want to show Kie support, then we will have to do it our way… Pogue style." JJ urges the boy.

“Just think of it like this man… When has there ever been a moment where Kie didn’t have our backs?” John B asks the boy.

"Well… she always stands by us even when we make stupid decisions." Pope recalls starting to realize how much Kie does for them.

"Exactly! So, we need to do this for her. It's not for us." John B and JJ go back and forth, continuing to push at Pope's buttons, urging him to go along with the plan.

“It’s for Kie. She always helps you study when she knows you are stressed about a big exam.”

“And she always encourages you and your scholarship. Even if she teases you for being on the math team instead of playing baseball.” The boys chuckle as they continue back and forth.

"She is always bringing us food or getting us leftovers from The Wreck knowing otherwise there would be times we wouldn't eat. Or attempt to eat expired goods." John B eyeballs JJ.

“It was one-time man… but really. She is always bringing us beer and snacks when we go out on the HMS Pogue.”

“Always getting us out of trouble when the Kooks come around talking shit.”

"Making sure we actually take care of any injuries we get, so they don't get infected."

“Being a shoulder for all of us to lean on when we need it.”

"Come on, Pope, she's always keeping an eye on us, and all the while still enjoys slumming it with us and our crazy antics. She is a Pogue, and we can't leave her hanging."

With a moment of silence, Pope ponders his options. Knowing his friends are right despite how silly the protest would be. He soon speaks up, "Never leave a Pogue behind, right?" He smiles as the other boy’s cheer ecstatically to have convinced the more conservative boy to go along with their big plan.

"So, it's settled. Tomorrow bright and early, the shirtless protest begins." The boys all share a handshake in agreement.

As the boys awoke from their designated spots in the Chateau, they proceeded to get ready for their protest plans. Just as the previous days, the forecast was calling for high temperatures and humidity, making it the perfect day to pull off their scheme. With John B and JJ loaded into the Twinkie clad in nothing but their shorts and shoes, they were off to retrieve Pope hoping he hadn't had second doubts. Like clockwork, the boy strolls out of his home and jumps into the back of the van book bag in tow. The Pogues huffed as they noticed the navy-blue shirt adorning their friend's frame.

“Pope… the plan?” JJ questions furrowing his brows.

"If either of you thought I would be able to step outside my house without a shirt on to go to school, you two are nuts. No way would my pops let that fly."

The other two hum acceptingly knowing he was right. As they drove along the roads towards the school, the boys all eagerly shifted in their seats. Their plan was chaotic at best, and the moment they would step into those dimly lit halls, all eyes would be on them. As John B parks the van, he looks back at his friends.

“Well, it’s now or never boys. Let’s do this.”

"Pogue style baby, let's go!" JJ cheered more eagerly compared to the others.

"Here comes detention…" Pope spoke as he tugged the fabric over his head, exposing his bare chest to match his friend’s "outfits" boasting nothing but shorts and a set of shoes.

“That a boy Pope, let’s do it for Kie.”

“For Kie!” John B and Pope called back in unison.

The boys walk tow in tow together towards the building, already catching the gazes of the other kids from The Cut. The whispers and giggles soon to follow. While the stares made Pope uncomfortable, JJ was eating up the attention. John B also taking the comments he'd catch in stride.

"Looking good, JJ." A redheaded girl calls out to him, he smirks and gives her a wink before turning to her friend's eyes widened.

"You are enjoying this a little too much, JJ." John B chuckles.

"Hey, it's not my fault; they like what they see."

“Like they need to feed your ego anymore,'' Pope nudges his friend, laughing.

"Aw, don't worry, bub. I see some eyeballs looking at you too." John B pesters the boy who is clearly not as comfortable in this situation as his friends are.

"Shut up, and let's just do this." The boys appear in front of Mr. Hew's door. Ready for the chaos that is sure to let loose as soon as they are spotted.

Entering the room one by one, the Pogues nonchalantly scurry to the back of the room. As the bell rang, more comments and a few winks, whistles, and laughs passed their classmate's lips. The stir of commotion quickly alerting Mr. Hew to their presence.

"What have I told you, boys, about-" He pauses, fully taking in the shirtless boy's appearances. He shuts his eyes, brings his hands to his face, and rubs over his features in frustration as he sighs and whispers to himself. "In god's name, what is even happening."

"I do hope you boys packed shirts to go along with your textbooks today." He sternly speaks. "Or will you three be joining Ms. Carrera for in-school suspension today?"

"What do you mean, sir? We are just here to peacefully protest."

“What in god's name do you think you are protesting boy?” Mr. Hew continued to grow more infuriated with the site in front of him.

"I believe that our cause is quite clear, sir." Pope speaks.

“We are protesting the unjust rules enforced upon the lovely ladies of our student body.” JJ chimes in, his lip perked in the corner of his mouth.

"Considering how Kiara was treated yesterday and others in this very establishment, it is our job to bring awareness to the unfair treatment. We all got bodies, sir, and quite frankly to sexualize one specific gender and not the other is biased."

"If you boys don't quit this nonsense immediately, I will have you escorted out of the classroom. This is your only warning."

"So, you have nothing to say on the biased standards set here at Kildare High?"

The straw had finally broken the camel's back in the humidity dense classroom. Mr. Hew raised his voice, causing the students to stare on their eyes full as the Pogues were reprimanded.

"You boys have no respect! When have you ever followed the rules? I do not make the handbook, but I will enforce the guidelines as that is my job—something you three clearly do not understand. If you don't grow up and follow the rules even when you don't agree, you are bound to get yourselves into serious trouble. Now I will not ask again. Put on your shirts of leave. Immediately." Their teacher red in the face huffed out his tyrannical words to the three boys who continue to stand their ground. Not budging at his request.

The creak of the door opening sounded, shifting the Pogues' focus as a familiar face stepped in the room. Kiara steps in a red pass in her hand, indicating she was coming from the in-school suspension office. Kie draws Mr. Hew's attention away from the boys. The boys smiled towards Kie, waiting to see her reaction, hoping she would be proud of them.

"Sorry to bother you, sir. I was just coming in to grab today's course wo- oh my god." her words trail off, seeing her Pogues standing side by side shirtless chests puffed out in a defiant demeanor.

“What did you guys do?” She speaks out in shock as Mr. Hew turned towards the girl.

"If it isn't the lady of the hour. I'm sure you knew all about this. Still causing trouble when you aren't allowed in the classroom. Tell me, Carrera, is this idea of a protest a joke to you?" His hateful language spews out towards the girl. The boys ready to jump to her defense, but Kie was faster at the draw then them.

"Do you truly believe I am that obsessed with getting a rise out of you when it was unlikely, I would witness it, sir? That is a bit ridiculous, I'm not in any way responsible for this. These knuckleheads are on their own with this one." She chuckles at the thought.

“I find it unlikely you wouldn’t orchestrate a protest as you have many times in the past Ms. Carrera. Now tell your boys to drop your plan.” The accusatory teacher huffed.

"Even if I was a part of this, which I am not. If I told these boys to stop, the chances of them listening to me are slim at best." Kie stood her ground soon, having the Pogues chime in.

"I'd have to agree with Kie, sir, she really wasn't involved in all this," Pope spoke out as the other two Pogues hummed in agreement to his words.

"This was all us baby, straight from our brilliant minds." JJ beamed at the thought of his plan, causing this much of a stir.

"Even if she asked us to stop, we wouldn't. She doesn't deserve to be treated as an object by yourself or the mandated rules in an outdated handbook. None of the girls here do." John B spoke in a brotherly tone, protective over his friend.

"That is, it, I have had it! Enough with the nonsense, there will be no more of this. Carrera, Heyward, Maybank, Routledge out of my classroom now!"

"Gladly," JJ spoke, gripping his bag and walking towards the old door covered in chipped and peeling paint. The other three followed his lead stepping towards the exit. Once out the door and a few steps down the hallway, they notice Kie being quieter than expected.

“Kie?”

“You good?”

The boys spoke as she stopped in the crossway of the building. She turned to face the boys at first with an unreadable expression displayed on her face. This made the others anxious, worried she was mad at their actions.

"I cannot believe you guys did that." A smile spreads across her lips, followed by a laugh. The boys quickly relax. John B places his rough hand on her shoulder.

"Thank JJ, it was his idea."

"Yeah, I was just gonna start a petition, but this fool thought it would be better to bring a physical awareness to the biased culture you have to face." Pope offers a sweet understanding smile towards Kie.

"Well, I'll be damned JJ Maybank with a plan that didn't end in bloodshed." She pokes the boys exposed skin.

"Hey, they don't all end in bloodshed!" The crew looks at the boy knowingly.

"Okay, maybe they do sometimes, but I was due for a successful plan eventually!" The blonde headed boy shrugs.

"While I wouldn't call this entirely successful JJ, I would say it was endearing. And damn funny, did you see Mr. Hew's face?" The girl continues to walk, leading the boys down the hall, passing the office door.

"Uh, Kie, you missed our stop," Pope called out.

"Did I, though? I mean, we are already in trouble. Would you rather spend the day in a stuffy office or out on the waves?" Kie's rebellious words give rise to the boys.

“Hell yeah, that’s our girl! Let’s go! We can swing by JB’s and swipe the boards out front!” JJ rushes towards the doubled door exit of the school building, Kie quickly following suit.

"Guys, this is gonna make things so much worse!" Pope calls to his friends.

"Come on, bubba, live a little. Can't be any worse than what your dad's gonna say later! Better enjoy the freedom while we still got it!" John B jogs backward, speaking to Pope. The boy sighs and pushes his friend's shoulder, spinning him forward as they make their non-stealthy escape from the dimly lit school halls of Kildare High.

The delinquent group of teens jump their way into John B's van, making a quick but noisy getaway as the engine roars to life. The exhaust sputtering out smoke as they pull off the school property with haste. The group laughs and cheers as they head towards the Chateau, ready to start a day of rebellious fun skipping out on the school parameters. The humid air grows thick and sticky as the morning sun hits its high point.

After the pit stop at John B's, the Pogues gathered the necessities for the day. JJ strapped the boards to the van while Kie and Pope rummaged the kitchen for any edible snacks and remaining beers they could pack. John B took his time to gas up the van while the others changed into their swimwear.

As the day went on and the heat rose, the Pogues spent their time together laughing and splashing in the water. Catching as many waves as they could feeling the cool touch of the sea on their skin. Hours had passed, and the group grew tired, opting to sit on their boards as the waves rolled passed them. They knew they would have to call it a day soon, having to face the consequences that awaited them.

The calm silence circled the air around the Pogues. All content with spending this time together. They were always the happiest spending days like these together—nothing to stop them from having these moments together. The content energy filling their lungs.

"I just wanted to thank you guys again," Kie spoke, looking between the boys she so lovingly called her best friends. They meant the world to her, and she would never not appreciate them even on the days they got under her skin.

“It was nothing Kie, you would have done the same for us.” JJ calls out over the roar of the ocean surrounding them.

“He’s right you are always by our sides when things go south, it’s the least we could do.” Pope chimes in.

Exactly, we wouldn't leave you behind; it's not in the Pogue nature." John B smiles wide, knowing his group always had each other's backs.

"You guys are idiots, you really didn't have to get yourselves into trouble over me. Regardless that was really sweet of you all, and I love you fools for it." Her words rang out with love and admiration for the group.

"I suppose we should head back in, we can't avoid the world forever, though I wish we could." John B calls out as he starts to paddle back to the shore. Pope following suit. JJ looks over to Kie, a smile on his face happy to have helped his friend today, knowing he would do anything for them no matter the consequences he faced.

"Hey, JB! I'm crashing at yours tonight." JJ calls out, shifting his weight as he paddles to follow the boys. He looks back at Kie who is looking up toward the late afternoon sun, a peaceful look settled across her face.

"Earth to Kie, you coming in?" He calls back to her, bringing her attention to the boys who are halfway towards the shore now.

"Yeah, I'm coming, just taking my last breath of free air before I go home." She half chuckles, knowing she isn't wrong. Her parents are bound to add more time to her previous grounded sentence. Though that wasn't what was really on her mind.

As the Pogues gathered on the beach sand sticking to their wet toes, they dry off with their towels before heading towards the van.

"Hey!" Kie calls out, catching the three boys' attention. Without another word, she throws her arms around them, embracing their arms as they quickly respond to her notion. Even JJ, who wasn't much of a hugger, found comfort being in his friend's embrace. It was his safe space, his real family. They all felt it. The love and endearment they held for each other. No matter the crazy adventures they would go on, they knew at the end of the day they had each other.

The crew broke away and headed back towards the Twinkie. As the boys loaded up the boards, Kie grabbed the remaining snacks from the cooler and passed them out once everyone was settled in. The side door closed with a metal clang as they ventured their way to their drop off spots.

The ride back flowed with casual conversations between the four, smiles, and laughs adorning their faces. As they approached Kie's home, she found herself lost in her thoughts. The feeling of having people care for you so much that they risk getting into trouble on your behalf warmed Kiara's heart. She couldn't have asked for a better group of friends looking out for her. While this isn't the first time they would go down together in trouble as a group, surely it wouldn't be their last.

Tagging some mutuals who hopefully won’t hate me for tagging them in this monstrosity. @jjbanks @john-benderr @void-maybank @northcarolinanative @outerbongs @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @bricksatanakinswindow @pit-zuh @sguymon21 @outrebanx @outerbankslut @hmspxgue @jellyfishbeansontoast @drewsephsmiles @scandalousfemale @moldisgoodforyou @ad-infinitums @futuretaxcheat @ptersparkers @rudysbay @drewswannabegirl @lenaandcalliope @diverdcwn @mermaidssonshipss

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official-alan-dabiri · 3 years

Link

First and foremost, we have some exciting new changes that everyone can get behind. Absolutely nobody has a problem with the new experience globe mechanics. New experience globes are only at full value for six seconds, and after that are worth 25% exp. And then they last for thirty-nine seconds. Nobody finds this objectionable in any way. This change was not on the PTR due to public outcry from Reddit when it was leaked early, but it’s here live with all of its zero problems fixed.

Another change about which we have received zero complaints is a new tag system behind the scenes. People looking for just the right hero for the situation can easily find it by searching for such keywords as “CC” “Silence” “Sustain” and “Double soak” and find extremely useful and not absolute garbage results. Don’t worry about checking it ahead of time, just get right into draft mode and use it to find the perfect pick!

In addition to those minor and unobjectionable changes, we have removed Volskaya Foundry from the ranked queue, and added everyone’s favorite quickmatch map, Warhead Junction. We have also done this simultaneously with an Overwatch-themed event.

Hero changes below the cut, because this patch is another doozy, with fiiiiiive herooooo rewoooooorks, Four buffed assassins, three nerfed offlaners, two nerfed tanks and we also nerfed the looost viiiikiiiings!

Anduin is the first of our reworks and with him taking a more prominent role in Shadowlands we want to be able to welcome WoW players with open arms. He, uh, doesn’t have a new skin or anything, we just want people to play this game. The central goal of the buff is to improve his healing output in line with other heroes without removing the largest strength in Leap of Faith. As such, we’re just touching literally every part of his kit and talent try and praying that it goes the way we want.

People keep mistaking Johanna for the best tank in the game. This is factually untrue, since Muradin exists. As such, we are just gutting the absolute pants off of Johanna’s talent tree and making it weird and clunky.

For too long has Raynor been the scourge of draft play. Too good to skip, but not scary enough to ban. Perfect macro contributions, with respectable hero damage. Enough self-sustain to take weight off your healer, and self-peel for when tanks are bad. The perfect killing machine. As such, we’ve nerfed his damage into the ground. Start playing Greymane, bitches.

Stitches has proven to be a mediocre bruiser in the eyes of the community. After all these years, I think I know why. We accidentally categorized him as a tank. As such, he needs some serious changes to make him fit that label. This whole time we’ve been balancing him as a bruiser and nobody said anything? This is as much your fault as it is mine.

The average damage output of a ranged assassin has been steadily climbing for a while now. As a result, for a hero to actually be a glass cannon, they need some serious firepower. Valla now has the gunpowder to match her glass. And she’s the glassiest cannon there is. Don’t get me wrong, she still evaporates like a drop of water in California when an enemy hero looks at her. But when she has a solid tank and three healers behind her, the world is your oyster.

Oh my god they didn’t break down the heroes by category. Jesus Christ what the fuck Blizzard? You just decided that this is the line? This is the day you stop caring? Well, congratulations, you’ve made reading your patch notes mildly more inconvenient. I’m still doing this. Ya bunch of jack-offs.

Mei has been grossly overperforming, and we have no idea how that happened. We certainly didn’t buff her over and over again for an entire year. Anyway, we’re just going to roll some stuff back. Definitely probably fine.

It turns out - and bear with me here because this might be hard to follow - Hogger, D.va, and Sonya were all overtuned? For six months? So we’re just gonna tippy tappy them down the smallest little bit. And then slap them around a little for good measure. D.va’s mech form is no longer indomitable, Hogger can no longer solo any merc camp in the game in 12 seconds, and Sonya is now... Basically fine still, honestly. We kinda gave her just a slap on the wrist in comparison. But honestly after gutting Hogger like that, I just didn’t have the heart. One of the benefits from being a little later, alphabetically.

After riding the TLV train up through the ranks, I think it’s about time to recognize that I’m not actually good at them. They’re just overtuned. So it’s time to come back to earth, Icarus. Don’t be fooled by the seemingly-small HP nerf, though. The real nerf is buffing Longboat Raid. People are going to have to pick it to test it and it’s gonna murder their winrate.

Someone told me that Lucio is a problem and needed to be addressed this patch, but my cat came into the home office being adorable so I didn’t hear exactly what they said. So we had to kinda wing it. Hopefully these minor adjustments to his talent tree will solve whatever they were talking about!

Even we know Uther is a problem. Being first pickable and filling three different unique roles was what we wanted to do with Varian not Uther. So we’re going to try and make him incrementally worse at tanking until he just goes away. First up: Shaving off some of that personal armor.

AFK splitpush trash Azmodan is dead. Long live teamfight artillery mage Azmodan. Really glad I made the last HotS Content post about Nova instead of Azmodan because boy howdy do these changes invalidate the entire playstyle that post would have discussed.

W build Falstad has obviously become a problem. Not only was he riddled with bugs after the rework - don’t worry, we learned from our mistakes and made sure there were no bugs with our new reworks - but also he had the ability to point and click on an enemy hero and force them to run all the way to the next lane over in order to stop taking buckets of free damage. It turns out that ability was more powerful than anticipated, and required adjustment.

Q build Falstad has obviously become a problem. Not only was it completely overshadowed by a build that did more damage in every situation with less skill requirement, but we overestimated the value of macro power on a build that demands PvP for stacking. As such, we’ve doubled the amount of power each stack gives him! That’ll do.

AA build Falstad... Stay the course, buddy. Doin’ fine.

Junkrat has been underperforming, which is surprising for a hero with his level of power. As such, we’re going to make a few small buffs to hopefully draw attention, and then we can roll things back once the pickrate reflects his actual power. Hopefully then WE CAN FINALLY MAKE THE MANDATORY CHANGE I PUT IN EVERY MEMO. TYRE. WITH A Y. THAT’S HOW THEY SPELL IT IN AUSTRALIA. KAEO I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU- wait, did Kaeo leave? Who the fuck is still here? Kinnabrew? Adam? Jason? JASON! JASON!?

Tassadar has also fallen off a lot without us having done anything at all whatsoever to nerf him. Entirely undeserved treatment. I’m disappointed in all of you. As such, we’re going to tweak his numbers up just a little tippy tap so that you all remember who killed the Overmind. It wasn’t James Raynor or Sarah Kerrigan. It was Tassadar... Tassadar Bassadar. That’s his last name. Don’t look it up, just trust me.

In the bug fix department, we’ve had a nice sit-down with the Mountain Giants on Alterac and told them that if they have time to lean, they have time to clean. Reaching the end of their lane and expecting the core to come to them is putting undue stress on an already overtaxed position. The core is a very stressful job, and if the mountain giants could just do their part to walk into the core pit when they arrive, that’s a huge load off their shoulders. Drek’thar and Vanndar really needed this expectation taken off them right now, and I’m hopeful it will lead to a better work environment.

#Heroes of the Storm #patch notes #Don't message me telling me Tassadar's real last name #I know it's De La Cruz

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uncloseted · 3 years

Note

https://youtu.be/kJcpTSNWXdQ

https://youtu.be/yIZ8zUOXh2g

Can you watch these when you have the time? Im curious about your opinion on this because I think youre really smart and these are some topics rhats been on my mind lately! Thnk you so much ❤️❤️

Okay, so there’s a lot here. I feel like I should admit upfront that I dislike Joe Rogan. I won’t really dig into why because you didn’t ask for that, but I will say that if you want to listen to someone wax philosophical, I feel like it should be someone who was actually a philosopher (like Contrapoints or PhilosophyTube) instead of UFC commentator and former host of Fear Factor, Joe Rogan. Anyway, let’s dig into these videos….

The first one is called “Unattainable Beauty Standard Outrage” and it’s with stand-up comedian Bill Burr. Frankly, I find it to be frustrating because they’re both average looking white men complaining about an issue that they’re really not subject to in any meaningful way. Throughout this video, they conflate a lot of different issues- the beauty standards average men and women are held to, the (edited) beauty standards present in advertisements, and the physical requirements actors and actresses are held to are all the same in this conversation. They make them seem like it’s all the same when in reality that’s just…. three different conversations completely. I think that’s a result of the fact that they’re just kind of talking, not making an argument or even really trying to get to a point.

Let’s start out with what they’re saying about the beauty standards that average people are held to. Basically, their point is that if you cared about how you looked, you can compensate for it in other ways. The point here boils down to “ugly people won’t take the time to develop a personality like the rest of us, and they’re mad that they get treated differently.” But the reality is that you can have a great personality, but discrimination based on physical appearance will still exist. Similar to how discrimination based on sexuality isn’t cancelled out by white privilege or discrimination based on race isn’t cancelled out by being male, discrimination based on appearance isn’t cancelled out by having a winning personality. Ugly people earn less than their attractive counterparts, on average have fewer friends, worse social skills, and less active sex lives, and are seen as less moral, trustworthy, and competent. Women have it even worse; while men are able to compensate for their looks somewhat (and there are more “acceptable” looks that a man can have) through factors like wealth, social capital, and personality, women are taught from a young age that being attractive is the most important thing that they can be. Because of that, women suffer more from looks-based discrimination than men do and are more impacted every time the standard for female beauty gets raised.

Moving on, they start complaining that the UK is banning advertisements that feature impossible standards of beauty. To my knowledge, it’s actually only the London underground that did this, and I believe it specifically concerned advertisements that are digitally altered but selling a beauty product (correct me if I’m wrong here). Specifically in this episode, they’re talking about products that promise you a “summer body” with a digitally altered image of a bikini model. It’s false advertising when you show an edited model who supposedly got their body by using your product- and that should be illegal. False advertising is illegal in lots of other realms. You’re not allowed to claim that your dietary supplement will cure cancer, and you shouldn’t be able to claim that your “summer body” product will make you look like a digitally altered model. Joe and Bill comment that people are being overly sensitive, and that these advertisements just make them “want to go to the gym”, but that misses the point completely. Even if you went to the gym, there’s still tens of thousands of dollars of cosmetic surgeries and digital alterations that went into making that model look like that. It’s not about work. Those bodies aren’t achievable with work- the models themselves, who work out for hours a day and follow very strict diets, don’t look like that in real life either. Pretending that those images are achievable through “hard work” is actually really damaging. It can lead to people engaging in dangerous diets and exercise regimens, taking untested supplements, and feeling that their lack of results is a moral failing because they’re not “working hard enough” (which decreases self esteem).

Then they start talking about actors and actresses who are asked to lose weight for movies, and one actress in particular who publicly complained that she was asked to lose 15 pounds for a role. Their takeaway is that the actress who complained is being lazy, that she was hired to be hot, and that she’s being ungrateful for the opportunity. A quick fact check suggests that the person they’re talking about is Jennifer Lawrence, who said she “was told by producers of a film to lose 15 pounds in two weeks." That’s a very different story to the one that they’re telling. To lose 15 pounds in two weeks, 5′9, 140 pound Jennifer Lawrence would have had to burn 52,500 calories. Even if she ate absolutely nothing and worked out at the level of an Olympic athlete 7 days a week, she would still have only burned 39,354 calories in two weeks. That’s still 3.75 pounds short of 15 pounds of weight loss. It was literally an impossible ask. Upon telling the producer that she thought the weight loss demands were not appropriate, “he said he didn’t know why everyone thought I was so fat, he thought I was ‘perfectly fuckable.'” And so to paint it as Jennifer Lawrence being lazy is a bit disingenuous. But I’m willing to accept that maybe they just didn’t have that context, because it seems like their goal wasn’t actually to have a discussion based in research or argumentation- it’s to make the point that people are overly sensitive now and asking the world to cater to them.

Closing this conversation out, I don’t think it’s wrong for studios to ask actors to change their appearance for a role. A big part of why people get cast for particular roles is their appearance, and as an actor, you have to be willing to adapt your appearance for the role. Just like you may be asked to dye your hair or wear colored contacts, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to ask an actor to gain or lose weight for a role (especially since both men and women are asked to do that, and the studio provides them with the support to be able to do that safely). Those bodies are achievable with work, and I don’t think it’s wrong to show those. But I think there’s a larger conversation to be had about who’s being asked to change their weight and why. Christian Bale lost 62 pounds for The Machinist because his character was supposed to be emaciated from his insomnia. The studio didn’t ask Bale to do that. He made the decision to do it on his own, even though it made sense for his character to be that thin. By contrast, Jennifer Lawrence was asked by the studio to lose 15 pounds to... what? Look hotter in the movie? Almost every female actress is expected to look a certain way in order to even be considered for a role, whereas men can be fat, mediocre looking, older, balding, and still be cast. Even when a woman is playing a role where being hot isn’t part of the narrative at all, she’s still expected to be hot. Even when you’re playing a character that’s “let themself go” or has “hit rock bottom”, the actress needs to look hot. For men, there’s not that same requirement. Having hot girls in your movie absolutely do get more people to see it, sure, but the cost is that you’re reinforcing the idea that women must be, above else, hot all the time.

So that’s that. Let’s move on to the second video, “No, It's Not "All Men"”, featuring comedian Iliza Shlesinger. I should say that I like Iliza quite a bit and I’ve seen her perform, so I’m curious to see where this goes. It’s also important to note they’ve been smoking weed, which... provides some context to this episode, I think.

So again, they start by bitching about this “beach body ready” ad that got “pulled in the UK” (actually just from the London underground) that Joe is so up in arms about. This time he shows the ad, and it turns out that it was pulled due to “concerns about a range of health and weight loss claims made in the ad”. The concern is false advertising. So again, to paint it as, “ugly women are too sensitive because some women are actually beautiful” is disingenuous, and serving the narrative that “people these days are too sensitive”. They’re also making the assumption that this ad hasn’t been digitally altered, which I find difficult to believe.

Iliza goes on to talk about how her boobs are real and some people ask her if they’re fake, and she doesn’t like that, and how women shouldn’t judge other women to their faces about how fake they perceive them to be. I think that’s a fine claim to make on an interpersonal level, but I also think that if we don’t start acknowledging all of the manipulation and work that goes into appearing “effortlessly beautiful”, we’re going to fall deeper into this beauty standard arms race. Iliza kind of gets a pass on this because she openly admits to having a “fake nose”. Then she makes a good point about how women will be hated no matter what they do, and so it’s important to remember that when someone doesn’t like you, it typically has more to do with them than it does with you. She also says that when you don’t like someone, it’s important to do some introspection to figure out where that’s coming from, which is also great advice. Then they wander into talking about how feminism doesn’t mean that you like women more than men or that you’re asking for special treatment, just that you support the idea of equality, and that’s fine. Joe rogan praises Iliza for being “a feminist, but not annoying”, which is gross.

Iliza then says that feminists who say, “all men” are part of the problem, and I think she’s just missing the point. When feminists say, “yes, all men”, what they mean is that all men are benefiting from male privilege, regardless of the actions that they’re taking (or not) to better that situation. People in positions of privilege have to acknowledge that privilege in order to be able to better the situation, and by separating yourself out as “not one of those men”, you’re saying “it’s not my problem because I’m one of the good ones, so I don’t have to think about myself critically or alter my behavior in any way.” That said, I think Iliza is right that that stance can be taken too far and serve to alienate the men who are allies in the feminist fight for equality.

Then, Iliza equates the phrases “all men are bad” and “all women are sluts”. I think this is a bad take; “all men are bad” is a generalization made by a marginalized group about a powerful group that they’ve been victimized by. Every woman I know has had some type of intimidating, frightening, dangerous, humiliating, or dehumanizing experience with a man during their lifetime. “All women are sluts” is a powerful group insulting a group that they marginalize, with the intention of controlling that group’s actions (by making them feel ashamed of being “slutty” they’ll stop being “sluts). “Slut” is also particularly charged in this scenario, because it centers maleness. What is a slut? A slut is (usually) a woman who sleeps with men but who won’t sleep with the man calling her a slut. Which, coming full circle, is why some women say “all men are bad”.

I get their larger point that generalizations are rarely helpful, but again, they’re making this false equivalency between a political slogan (”all men”), a gendered insult (“all women are sluts”), and random, unhelpful advice, (”women want you to slow down in the bedroom”). In the first case, the generalization serves a purpose- it’s to let men know that they’re not exempt because they’re a “good guy”. In the second case, it’s an insult that contributes to a gendered power structure. In the third case, it’s just shorthand for “the majority of women that we’ve surveyed” because repeating that phrase over and over again will take away from the point they’re trying to make (that maybe you could be better in bed by listening to the sluts, Joe).

All in all, I like this one better than the first one, but Joe Rogan hasn’t grown on me over the course of watching these videos.

#Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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randomwankystuff · 4 years

Text

Confession: Deku Annoys Me

Disclaimer: I’m not entirely caught up on BNHA - I read the manga/wiki pretty much at random.

I can’t stand how obnoxiously perfect Deku is. He was presented as this underdog protagonist but hasn’t been since episode 1. And I don’t just mean his quirk - OFA is powerful, but All Might doesn’t have the same Gary Stu problems Deku has. My problem with Deku isn’t that he’s too physically powerful, but that he plays too many roles in class 1-A. Right now he’s:

1. A physical powerhouse. Only Todoroki, Bakugo, and nighttime Tokoyami can even compete.

2. Probably the fastest student. Full cowl 8% was already about as fast as Gran Torino, and Iida hasn’t been useful for several arcs...

3. The best strategist. Even though Yaomomo is canonically a genius, and Iida and Bakugou are more booksmart, most of the time it’s Midoriya that comes up with a brilliant yet simple plan to save everyone’s asses. Yaomomo only really seems to be relevant when she’s in school, taking a test. Midoriya had the best actually useful plans during the U.S.J. incident, Kamino, etc.

4. The most effortlessly selfless. (I mean, this goes without saying, this is pretty much his defining character trait.)

5. The best leader. His classmates voted for him at the beginning of their first year, and pretty much everyone except Bakugou defers to him without hesitation in sticky situations.

6. The hardest worker. He’s always training, always trying to improve. Remember the air chair exercise in Season 1? Casually just squatting throughout the entire class. Everyone was in absolute awe.

7. The most inspirational. Everyone looks up to him, from Aoyama to Kota. Aizawa notes he and Bakugo are the pillars of 1-A.

8. The most social. Yeah he’s presented as an awkward nerd, but he makes friends in two seconds flat with everyone. He’s charmed his way into friendships with Aoyama and Todoroki. Eri absolutely adores him. He’s always sweet, thoughtful, likable.

9. He’s even good looking. Ochako and Toga have crushes on him, and his art is designed to be pleasant to the eye.

Although BNHA tries to pretend Deku has flaws, he actually doesn’t, because they’ve never had any real life consequences.

“He’s insecure.” Well, his insecurity rarely hurts him. He was always committed to pursuing his dreams as a hero. He doesn’t lash out at others when he feels unworthy. When death is hammering at the door, he magically summons the confidence not just to act, but even to command and to inspire others. In real life, insecurity is often much more debilitating. Insecurity in real life often means you don’t even try because you believe you’ll fail, you get uncomfortable or temperamental around people who make you feel less than, and you don’t magically get a confidence boost when it’s convenient. Yaomomo’s arc is much more compelling than Deku’s when it comes to overcoming insecurity because, unlike Deku, her insecurity actually holds her back.

“He’s an awkward nerd.” That hurt him when he was a child, hanging out with Bakugo, but since he entered UA, he manages to effortlessly charm everyone he knows, so really, he doesn’t have a significant social handicap. His awkwardness is presented as sincere, endearing, and funny more than anything.

“He’s selfless to a fault.” To what fault? He gets lectured, but he’s always right in the end. His charging into danger without any regard for his own safety has been proven to be the right thing to do several times. He inspired All Might to fight against the sludge monster. He saved Bakugo when he was kidnapped. Yeah, he breaks bones doing selfless things, but this is shonen - temporary pain has very little emotional weight because everyone gets hurt all the time, and then they get healed by magic. He breaks his bones, discovers he has legs, and then goes back to fighting at pretty much full strength. A cool looking scar doesn’t count as a real consequence of his selflessness. Honestly, I’m just waiting for Deku to rush in to save one person even though he’s warned against it, and because of that, the villains are alerted of their presence/he isn’t there to help others when they need them, and several other people die as a result.

To be clear, none of what I’ve mentioned above is a problem on its own. OFA is obviously an absurdly powerful quirk. Midoriya spent years taking notes on heroes and learning from them. He’s naturally a selfless person - that’s the point of his character. He should be likable, clever, hardworking, and inspirational. But he shouldn’t be the strongest AND fastest AND smartest AND most selfless AND the best leader AND the hardest working AND the most charismatic AND the most social, all while having pretty much zero relevant flaws. It’s absurd. Especially in a place like UA - isn’t it supposed to be one of the two best hero schools in the country?

I know plenty of people who have gone to top tier universities, work at Google, are top ranked athletes, etc. None of them have been anywhere near as perfect as Midoriya. Generally, if you’re the most athletic person in the room, it’s not likely you’re also the smartest. If you’re the most likable, you’re probably not the hardest working. If you’re the most selfless, you’re probably not the leader who gains everyone’s undying loyalty and respect. Perfection almost never happens. You can’t be the best at everything, especially at a place like UA, which is supposed to be the Harvard of the BNHA world. Rather, everyone should shine in certain areas only. For example:

Yaomomo is canonically a genius, and she’s also shown to be meticulous and hardworking. She should be the best strategist of 1-A.

Ojiro made it to UA with just a tail - no fancy, overpowered tricks, just a damn tail. Just think about how hard you have to work to stand on the same level as people who can destroy buildings with a punch, shock a dozen people simultaneously with electricity, and shatter rock with their ears. It’s not even some magical tail, it’s just a damn tail. He has to have worked his ass off to get in incredible shape, think of ways to creatively use his quirk, and learn martial arts. Ojiro should be the hardest worker of 1-A.

Kirishima is easygoing, loving, loyal, and charming. He should be the one befriending Aoyama, earning people’s trust, inspiring children. He should be the most social and charismatic of 1-A.

Highlighting the abilities and positive traits of these three would be a easy way to get more attention on BNHA’s fantastic cast while also helping Deku grow as a character.

Or, just treat Deku the way BNHA treats All Might. All Might is amazing but he’s far from perfect. He’s not the best strategist - he’s very smart, but he still relied on Nighteye to look out for him. He’s caring and charming, but is shown to be a pretty mediocre teacher. His overwhelming selflessness and his heart-over-head mentality actually had consequences in that it cost him his relationship with Nighteye. His trusting nature and his empathy for the powerless led to conflict and complications when he chose Midoriya over Mirio. His heroic drive wrecked his health, forced him into retirement, and prevented him from saving more people.

Even Mirio, who is probably a Gary Stu, gets arguably better treatment than Deku because, although he’s very powerful, he doesn’t shine academically/strategically the way Deku does, and he also literally loses his quirk as a result of his selflessness. Todoroki and Bakugo both also have plenty of flaws/weaknesses, and suffer for their mistakes all the time.

I still root for Deku, but honestly I continue to follow BNHA mostly for characters like Todoroki, Aizawa, Kirishima, and Yaomomo.

#bnha #mha #midoriya #midoriya izuku #momo yaoyorozu #yagi toshinori #Mirio Togata #ojiro makoto #kirishima ejirou

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writer-and-artist27 · 3 years

Text

Passing Days Ch 12 Preview

Or, I remembered one comment @withanina left on some writing thoughts I had (to quote: “D'awww that’s so fluffy and cute I’m choking. Please let Robin be happy and pamper his master”), and since a cursed exam of mine is done, I wanted to share my progress since. :) As thanks to you, friend.

For a short TLDR? Let it be said the Prillya girls are finally getting some platonic love examples in their lives. Or, “how to learn the difference between when you’re a third wheel and when you’re not.”

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Vy was still an enigma to Sakatsuki Miyu even after going through Ascension and regaining her original name. Yes, Vy had put a lot of time in raising her, Illya, and even Kuro, but there was something about her light that had Miyu wonder.

Had Chaldea not called at the time it did, Vy would have stayed a hopeful college schoolgirl. No connections to Magecraft, barely any kind of “tragedy” in her life bordering some of the things Miyu had seen thanks to the Ainsworths’ treatment of her as the Holy Grail, and obviously lacking the mana to be anything but mediocre in the Mages’ world.

Thus the dissonance between the Chaldean Master that saved the world from the Incineration of Humanity and the girl that hugged Mash almost every single moment they were together was far too stark for Miyu to grasp. As the only Chaldean Master, Vy was to-the-point, sarcastic, and sometimes rivaling Onii-chan with dark looks when enemies were on the horizon. As just “Vy,” Vy was warm to every Servant so long as they weren’t causing trouble, smiling and calling them by nicknames as if they were old friends.

Right now, that difference was still something Miyu couldn’t fully understand.

“Wh-What’s going on here? Why are you dragging me, Kuro?”

The Archer-styled girl didn’t even turn her head, giggling under her breath as she tugged at Miyu’s hand to guide her through the hallways of Novum Chaldea. “Something to see~!” she hummed under her breath, a small skip in her step as they kept walking together. “Illya’s already there! So c’mon, Miyu!”

“I-I’m coming, I’m coming!” Miyu insists, trying not to wince at the grip Kuro had while keeping up the pace. “But where are we going?”

“The Enhancement Center!”

“Huh?” was all Miyu could muster. “Why?”

“Someone’s getting a Holy Grail!”

The mention of the artifact alone made Miyu stop protesting.

---------------------

A small crowd of Chaldean Servants had already gathered outside the Enhancement Center doors by the time Kuro and Miyu arrived. From all the bright and contrasting colors, it took a few moments longer than usual for Miyu to spot Illya, currently being held up onto the shoulders of that tall red Archer that looked a lot like Kuro. In spite of the embarrassment she seemed to be feeling, Illya still waved at both of them as they approached, pointing wordlessly at the little opening crack in the sliding doors.

“Someone’s getting enhanced!” she mouthed with a curious smile. “Let’s watch!”

Kuro rolled her eyes fondly while Miyu did her best to smile back. It was hard to do so with all the uncomfortable churning her stomach was doing at the mention of “a Holy Grail” earlier, but it was Illya. Miyu couldn’t bear to see Illya worry.

So all she did was wiggle through the crowd, trying to ignore that red Archer’s gaze on her, to approach the crack in the doors to peer in.

“PALINGENESIS STARTING IN 3, 2, 1—” a computerized voice called out.

Miyu could only catch a glimpse of that infamous golden cup before her vision was filled with light, making her lurch back as the other Servants around her started to murmur.

“How much QP does Master have again?”

“This is the third Servant to go through the process to get to Level 100…”

Such mutterings occurred above her head as Miyu did her best to refocus her vision.

Once the light had faded, Miyu could make out the back of a green cloak as her ears registered more voices. “Hey, Master?”

Robin Hood. Was he the one who just had Palingenesis done…?

“Hm?” Vy’s voice. So it was her in there, too. Of course. Only by the Master’s word could Palingenesis even be initiated. So then— “What is it, big Robin?”

There was a faint chuckle on the Archer’s part. It took Miyu a moment too long to realize that “big Robin” was yet another one of Vy’s nicknames, this one in particular reserved by the May King. For a rugged legend such as Robin Hood, it was such a… well, childish name, really. But she couldn’t really argue against it when Robin Hood made no visible signs of protesting the address. Instead, Miyu could hear the faint tapping of a rugged boot against the tile floor of the Enhancement Center as Robin Hood spoke up. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I gotta know. Why did you decide to use Holy Grails on a bowman like me?”

Why use a Holy Grail on me and not one of your other Servants?

It was the most important question on everyone’s mind at the time. Miyu felt something akin to curiosity and something else ping through her as well with the question, making her bite the inside of her cheek to not let out any noise of recognition. Whether or not Kuro or Illya noticed, they didn’t say anything. Indeed, the entirety of the crowd of Servants around the Enhancement Center echoed the silence of the outer hallway, waiting on Vy’s response.

What did the Chaldean Master have to say for herself when it came to giving Grails to someone like Robin Hood? A 3-star in terms of strength?

“Hm, how to put it…” Even in that sliver of door opening Miyu had over the other, taller Servants, she could somehow still make out Vy’s shy smile past Robin Hood’s infamous green cloak as she turned to the Archer Servant with her hands clasped behind her back. “…You were one of my heroes growing up.”

Archer EMIYA nearly tripped over himself just as the other Servants caught wind of what Vy said (nearly making Illya squeak in the process), and apparently Robin Hood was feeling the same way since all he said in response to Vy’s statement was a baffled, “Huh?”

Vy shrugged her shoulders, the same smile on her face as her confidence grew in time with her voice. “Sure, there’s been a lot of Robin Hoods.” Vy paced back and forth between the center of the room, making small circles while speaking. “I know that not all of them had a happy ending like the Disney version would like kids to believe, but I grew up with the Disney version and I admired him.”

Robin Hood exhaled enough that Miyu and the others could clearly hear him, one arm raised in the air questioningly. “…So then?”

How does that relate to me? It was left unsaid, but every Servant present could feel the question nonetheless.

“You may be one of many Robins, just a ‘petty’ bowman, but you’re still the Robin I got to know as a person.” Miyu could hear more footsteps mixed in with Robin Hood’s tapping, as if Vy had walked over to Robin Hood’s immediate side to smile up at him. “The last thing I ever wanted was to end up not giving something back to you. You’re my big Robin, and I wanted to show you I appreciated you!”

Miyu was already starting to get the feeling she wasn’t supposed to be hearing this. Robin Hood’s stiffening figure wasn’t exactly helping.

#miyu sakatsuki #passing days #fanfiction preview #long post #robin hood #fate grand order #vy plays fate grand order #writing progress #kuro von einzbern #illyasviel von einzbern #archer emiya

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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 years

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Reading up again on covert narcissism has been really helping me explain some things about my trauma and about my mom’s behavior. Like, I knew she was a covert narcissist, but I’d forgotten how tortuous the workings of a CN’s brain are. Some things I’ve realized, involving some quoting from the above source:

--They want you to feel a confusion between praise and shame, and to feel that you are less than them. It’s a combination of “How dare you achieve?!” and “But you’re still not as good as me.”

--Their praise contains negging. That’s why even when she complimented me, I never felt like I was good enough. Just like the time she read my dissertation and went, “It’s okay... bit dry.” She could always argue that I had myself said it was the more boring version of the dissertation, could argue that other things she had read of mine were better... But at the end of the day, I heard her intended message loud and clear: it’s not good enough.

--Her praise at required times (like telling me I did a good job after a school concert or something) always felt less sincere than my dad’s and I could never figure out why. Well, it’s because deep down she 1) resented that I did well, 2) resented that I had the attention in that situation, and 3) wanted to tear down my self esteem so I would see her as better than me, and so that she could more easily manipulate me in the future

--You can never do things well enough for them. They always have to do things better than you. That’s why I was never good enough at chores, especially cooking and dishwashing. That’s always why she came up with ridiculous reasons to be angry at me every time I brought her my credit card receipts. When she could no longer argue that I was spending too much or that I didn’t give her all the receipts, she began to complain that the receipts were slightly crumpled along one edge! HEAVEN FORBID!

--They refuse to acknowledge your accomplishments. They want you to KNOW they’re not impressed. ...This really explains why she intentionally (and uncharacteristically) tied up the phone line around the time I would finish defending my dissertation so that it was 45 minutes before I could get through to tell her I passed. Because she was jealous that I was getting a PhD and she wanted me to know how little my achievement meant to her. Her jealousy of my achievement was also why her worst abuse began the week I defended (and continued for three years afterward!)

--Mom used to argue that she thought well of my achievements by telling me how she was always bragging about me to her friends. Likewise, she would tell me constantly about how her friends said nice things about me to her. But these things were not about me: they were about HER. She was using MY qualities and achievements to build up HERSELF, not me. If these things had really been self-esteem building for ME she wouldn’t have said anythign about them, because she had a vested interest in me not thinking well of myself.

--I had an absolute COMPLEX about NEVER acknowledging my own achievements or qualities--to the point where I can’t take compliments or ring my own bell AT ALL because it feels SO WRONG--because the cardinal sin of our family is to think well of ourselves. We’re only supposed to think really well of HER.

--They want you to feel unimportant and small

--They want you to know they don’t care about your time or your feelings

--No one’s time, wants, or needs matter except their own

--I still get super anxious when my mom is upset about anything, because her feelings were always my problem. She expected me and everyone else to be entirely focused on her feelings when she was upset, so even if they weren’t my fault, I was made to feel that they were my fault.

--She apologized to me once for being so cold and unloving and cried at me. I said cried AT me because the only reason she was apologizing (because she’s PERFECT; why would she apologize for anyting??) was to make me feel guilty for suspecting her of being cold and unloving, and also to get attention and narcissistic supply from me as I comforted her (which I am proud to say, I did not do). She turned it from an issue of “daughter’s feelings were hurt; let’s focus on her” to “Mom is upset; let’s focus on HER”

--They demand you abide by their wishes. Even when they don’t express them to you. I was always expected to read her mind. The fact that I couldn’t was more evidence of how I wasn’t good enough.

--She forgot me at the bus stop once, and forgot REPEATEDLY to pick me up at school after practice. She had to walk a fine line between “i’m the perfect mother” and “i want you to know that you don’t matter to me/ how dare you require that i put myself out to pick you up?”

--they ostentatiously volunteer to show what a good person they are (teaching Sunday school, joining the library board, working for Christ Among Neighbors)

--she’s extra-sickening on Facebook. “Birthday blessings be upon you, (name)!” because she wants people to know how great she is

--they want to gaslight, manipulate, and confuse you in order to destabilize and manipulate you

--”You’re so sensitive”. Even though they’re obviously the most fragile ego in the room! they can take ANYTHING as an insult! you have to GROVEL to make them believe you’re saying something nice! (this is just a way to get you to say a lot of nice things about them)

--that time i told her i was feeling suicidal and she SIGHED and ROLLED HER EYES and said, “do you need to talk to somebody?” like I was ruining her evening. She wanted me to know how little she cared about my feelings while also saying just enough to have plausible deniability later if I told her her response hurt me (”but i tried to get you help! what do you MEAN my tone of voice was mean?? you always take things the wrong way. I think you hear insults where there aren’t any.”)

--They want you to feel that your emotions, which are inconvenient to THEM, are a negative part of your psyche and a reason that other people won’t like you. They want you to feel that they are in control of their emotions,and their emotions are always right, while yours are not.

--they make you feel small and stupid for needing emotional support. THEY’RE so independent! (except when you have to stroke their egos...)

--they ignore their “loved ones” (no wonder I felt so alone as a child. even now i’m DYING for attention. when other people get attention/praise for things i know i can do as well or better than them i’m TORN because i want other people to treat ME like that, but i can’t draw their attention to myself because that’s so WRONG. and also if i DO get their attention, then i can’t take the compliments anyway.)

--they don’t need to praise others because they’re so obviously superior!

--i was always uncomfortable when my mom sang. i always felt like she thought she was SO GOOD a singer, when she was only mediocre. it always felt icky to me listening to her sing or play the flute.

--they get angry when you’re sick. GOD, that explains SO MUCH. The time i kept nearly passing out and ended up just lying on the kitchen floor because every time i sat up i felt woozy again and i asked her to make me a sandwich because my low blood sugar was part of the problem and she was clearly ANGRY and COLD and didn’t say a WORD to me as she made me the sandwich. like, your daughter is unable to get off the floor, and beyond one, “are you okay” there’s absolutely NO care there. it’s no wonder i write so much hurt/comfort wherein someone is sick and the other person Notices and Cares for them... it’s wish fulfillment!

--they’re condescending.

--they forget about your requests on purpose. she’s always buying me just slightly the wrong thing for christmas and birthdays.

--i showed her some very artistic self-affirmations i wrote once and she started disagreeing with all the nice things i said about myself. because how dare i have self-esteem when SHE was there?

--they make people fight each other. kinda explains my brother and me and our undying enmity...

--they project their own issues onto you. that’s why she tells me i’m always so angry and that i hurt people a lot with my tone of voice. and that i’m oversensitive.

--they give you the silent treatment and make you beg and plead.

--they never try to make you happy (or if they do, it’s only for show. like buyign you SLIGHTLY the wrong thing, over and over again. plausible deniability. “i TRIED! i was being GENEROUS! how DARE you nitpick my presents!”)

--they intentionally ruin special days for you, especially birthdays. because they resent you being the center of attention. i remember the first time she let me have a birthday party with friends instead of older relatives (she always invited my aunts and uncles to my birthday parties instead of people my age because SHE wanted to be the center of attention at the parties, not me. the parties were for HER, not for me.) at this child’s birthday party, she organized all the games and ran them all and was very much the center of attention. the only thing i really remember from that party was the game she created and led entirely.

--they don’t really know anything about you. GOD, how very true. neither of my parents have a fucking clue about my personality, my tastes, my interests, or my sense of humor. they know about them on an EXTREMELY surface level. “oh, she likes cats. she did ballet for years. she likes trees.”

--the reason mom got mad at me when i cried as a child was not, as she told me many years later, because she was upset that she was unable to comfort me adequately. The problem was that SHE wasn’t in the spotlight. she was required to pretend to care about MY feelings. She couldn’t comfott me adequately because i sensed that she was mad about me crying, rather than loving me and having compassion. she sent me to my room when i cried so i wouldn’t be the center of attention--and also to punish me for being so.

--i’m scared of spending money because mom 1) made me feel guilty for spending money on myself, because everything should be about HER [seriously, i got seriously scolded once for buying things for myself on a shopping trip instead of ONLY buying xmas presents for the family]. 2) made me scared about our financial situation because she wanted to have money for herself first and foremost for what SHE wanted. Thus her and Dad scaring the ever-living SHIT out of me last summer about finances and then turning around and buying themselves iphones.

--i’ve always felt so alone because subconsciously i always knew mom didn’t love me, even though consciously i made myself believe it. and of course i could never know if dad did, because even now, it’s a pretty fuzzy issue (which basically means he doesn’t. le sigh)

you know what? i’m going to get out that art project of self-affirmations and add some shit to it about being able to see through other people’s bullshit. because GODDAMN, i deserve a fucking MEDAL. i’m not going to let her negging make me continue to feel bad about those affirmations. because she’s just full of shit.

#narcissism #narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse #covert narcissist

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angrycowboy · 4 years

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I've been trying to sort thru my feelings on this messy CW show about alien cowboys that I adore so much. Fair warning, this is literally just my ranting and my thoughts on Malex and Miluca as I try to work through them.

Post-season finale there have been a bunch of interviews with Carina. But there is one that stuck out to me. In it, Carina talked about not falling into harmful stereotypes regarding queer characters, but also making sure to make those characters flawed and human. And in regards to Michael and Alex, as well as Isobel, I believe she has truly suceeded. RNM has three queer main characters with different life experiences, that make them relatable in different ways, and are nuanced enough that no one person is ever going to relate 100% to them. And that part of the show makes my queer heart so fucking happy.

This of course got me thinking about and talking to others about harmful stereotypes surrounding black characters, and in the case of RNM - black women. Because where RNM succeeds with it's queer characters, it fails with Maria DeLuca. The show, I believe, had a great opportunity to take the stereotypical "strong black woman" trope and turn it on it's head. And for almost two seasons, it seemed like it could very well head in that direction. Specifically when the show introduced the idea of "Maria DeLuca is her own savior" in 1x09.

I am definitely all for the idea of needing characters to grow, and learn, but the execution here was bad. Mainly because of the uneven attention paid to Malex vs Maria, and by extension, her relationship with Michael. Because it's important to remember that just because Miluca was a straight-passing ship, that does not make it "just another m/f relationship." Not when Michael is a bisexual man, and Maria is a black woman. And asking that Miluca (or even any relationship Maria enters into) be given the same depth shouldn't be a controversial statement that puts people on the defensive. Fans should not have to constantly demand better treatment of the show's only black character. Making Maria half-alien should make her integral to the plot, and we should have seen her alongside Michael, Alex, and Isobel as they went about discovering their shared family history. Instead, it’s felt like the show has dragged it’s feet in including Maria into the main plot.

Given the uneven pacing of the show, which leaves less room to develop it's character beats, you do have to pay a little bit more attention to truly get at the depth of the relationships between characters on the show. And make no mistake, Miluca had build up, and Michael has genuine feelings for her. But the show failed in several places with them. To make it believable that Miluca was more than just a stepping stone for Michael, Miluca should have been given more emotional beats the same way Malex is built up. Because now the show has played into the stereotype that the black woman is nothing more than a helping hand.

One thing that the show could have done differently was the handling of the Miluca break-up. Some knew it was coming, specifically because of Carina's loud support for Malex (something also understandable at the same time as a relationship she created), but it directly conflicted interviews where fans should see Miluca as it's own relationship separate from Malex. How do viewers and fans do that when 2x13 ended with showing that Miluca was in service to Malex all along? You can't. It's made worse by removing Maria as a love interest and not giving any inclination that she'll have another any time soon. Because while there is a popular idea that the aliens imprint (something that we see with Nora/Tripp, Louise/Bronson, Max/Liz, and Michael/Alex), we've also been told that Isobel is getting another love interest in her arc, and it can be assumed that Isobel will eventually find her "person" in the same way. So the question remains is, given Maria is now established as half-alien, does this aspect apply to her? Because it's a bad look if it doesn't. And so far, the show has given no indication that Maria, Mimi, and Patricia have existed for any reason other than to be in service of white characters.

I've watched a lot of bad shows over the years, and I am still constantly frustrated by some portrayals of queer characters in the media, but as a white woman, I have no idea what it is like to be a black woman (to say nothing of black queer women) who constantly sees black female characters relegated to nothing more than a stereotype, as well as to deal with fandom racism when they dare speak up for better writing, and better representation of themselves in media. It is understandable to me, why so many Maria/Miluca fans have left the fandom, or stopped watching the show completely. Black fans should not have to constantly settle for mediocre portrayals of themselves in media. And more people need to speak up and understand why these stereotypes that are rooted in systemic racism continue to exist so that change can happen.

The Malex fandom also needs to acknowledge it’s role in this as well. It’s hypocritical to blame it all on the writing, and then constantly engage in ship wars - particularly when the argument then centers around understanding which couple is “endgame” or that Michael & Maria are “better as friends.” Because if fans of the “endgame” ship are certain, there should be absolutely no need to attack, harass, or even engage with, fans of a different ship. And in the case of Malex and Miluca, Malex fans should never have been resorting to the degrading racist insults that were constantly thrown around because Maria was being seen as a threat to a “queer ship.” Insults that also sought to erase Michael’s established bisexuality because Maria is a woman. (Sidenote: I’m mostly referring to tumblr here, as I don’t really pay attention to fandom on twitter/FB/IG.)

#yes this is about rnm #notso writes meta #sorta i guess #i really don't feel like tagging this #make no mistake i fucking love this show #but sometimes i need to be critical of it #and while i love malex i am furious over maria and miluca

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bookswithelli · 4 years

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a darker shade of magic: review

synopsis:

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black.

Kell was raised in Arnes—Red London—and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see.

Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they'll never see. It's a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand.

After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure.

Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

review under the cut!

stars: ★★★★☆

First of all, although I rated this book 4 stars, there were some issues with it (mainly involving representation and characterization). I rated it 4 stars because I enjoyed reading it despite its issues, but I recognize that the mediocre representation may turn others away from this book.

characters & representation

Before I begin this section of the review, I would like to say that I am not visually impaired and therefore do not have any authority on that subject. My comments on the treatment of Lila's missing eye are merely based on my own observations and what I have heard from visually impaired people on the topic.

Lila:

A cross-dressing thief and aspiring pirate with a penchant for knives, Lila Bard brings to mind the likes of Inej Ghafa from Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows and Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean. There were times when I really liked Lila; she can be sassy and morally questionable which is always interesting to see when well done. However, her character had a few issues that I wanted to address.

“Delilah Bard looked like a king. No...she looked like a conqueror.” pg. 289

When will fantasy authors stop romanticising conquerors and colonization?! This may be a smaller issue since aside from White London (which is villainized) there is no mention of it in the overarching plot, but this line just really bothered me. It makes me think that V.E. Schwab is a fan of adult and YA fantasy authors like Sarah J. Maas and others who write their main characters to be colonizers and romanticize it in the process. I don’t think this line was necessary at all, and I wish the second sentence had been removed or modified to something a little less problematic (e.g. she looked like a pirate/captain/etc.)

"How did you lose it...your eye?" -Master Tieren, pg. 327

It is revealed near the end of the book that Lila has been missing an eye for as long as she can remember, and she wears a glass eye as a replacement. This is all well and good, but the consequences of her impaired vision are never explored. The only reason the reader knows that Lila is missing an eye is because the author tells them. The narrative never discusses how Lila's lack of an eye affects her day to day life, and it's only brought into the story when it is needed for the plot.

It’s also worth mentioning that Lila is the only female character with a large role in this book, and no matter how “feminist” her character is, there’s not a lot of women in this book that are portrayed positively and with depth.

Rhy:

I actually really liked Rhy and I loved his relationship with Kell. I love sibling love in books and we so rarely get positive sibling relationships, so this was nice to see! It’s also really important to have queer people of color in books. However, I don’t think Rhy’s character is good bi/pan representation (I will refer to him as bi in this review for the sake of brevity, but it’s worth mentioning that neither term is mentioned so Rhy could canonically identify as either).

“He would flirt with a nicely upholstered chair, and he never takes anything seriously.” -Kell, pg. 254

As a queer girl who has identified as bisexual in the past and may in the future, this is bad bi rep 101. Schwab is perpetuating the stereotype of the “promiscuous bi”, or one who flirts and/or sleeps with everyone and everything. This is not a bad characteristic in itself, but it is harmful bi rep because that is the way every bi character is portrayed in media. It reinforces the idea that bisexual people in real life are all like this, and it also reinforces biphobes’ points of view when they say that bisexual people are more likely to cheat because they sleep with more people. This is pretty much the most common stereotype of a bisexual person, so while I doubt that Schwab intended to be harmful in her portrayal of Rhy, it shows that she did not do much research on LGBT+ rep when writing her characters. I do know that some bi people were not bothered by this; however, I believe that writers should stay away from stereotypes, especially when writing characters that are marginalized. Even though promiscuity is not an inherently bad trait, it is harmful when applied to bisexual people because it reinforces real peoples’ beliefs and affects real life bisexuals. This is especially important here because Rhy is the only narrative-confirmed LGBT+ character in the first book. It's not the worst representation I've seen, since Rhy does have a personality outside his flirtatiousness and promiscuity (in fact, it's confirmed that this is a coping mechanism for him) but it's certainly not the best, and I'm just tired of seeing bisexual people represented this way in fiction.

Kell:

I know a lot of people who didn’t like Kell very much, and that is understandable. However, I found him really compelling. It’s refreshing to see a male lead in this genre who’s not jacked and a brooding asshole whose only redeeming quality is his dick size. He’s definitely moody, but not to the point where he becomes an abusive alpha male type guy (yes, I am aware that this is a very low bar). I genuinely enjoyed his character because he’s flawed. He’s stubborn and moody but he’s incredibly caring and he genuinely wants to help people. He feels alienated from his family so he rebels and gets himself in trouble. His character is written well because he’s not perfect by any means, but he’s still likeable and you still root for him.

Holland:

Holland is what every YA love interest wishes they were. Honestly. He’s given no excuses for his actions, and yet he is still sympathetic. You understand that he is under the control of Astrid and Athos, but you also understand that all he has done for years is carry out their orders, and that changes a person. His story is heartbreaking, but that doesn’t change what he has done. He knows it, Kell knows it, Lila knows it, the reader knows it. Honestly, if he were in a YA fantasy romance, I bet Holland would be the love interest; his female “mate” would change him for the better, and he would never face the consequences of his actions. That makes his arc in this story all the more enjoyable. Holland is one of my favorite characters of all time, and not because he’s a perfect “book boyfriend” or whatever, but because his story and character are genuinely interesting and executed well.

worldbuilding

I loved the worldbuilding in this book. There was a bit of an info-dump in the beginning, but I’m willing to look past that because the world was so engaging and interesting that I forgot about the dense first chapter once I got past it. Each London has a distinct feel, and they are all almost tangible. The descriptions of each made me feel like I was in the Londons along with Kell and Lila. It seems like the system would be complicated, but Lila sums it up well:

“There’s Dull London, Kell London, Creepy London, and Dead London.” -pg. 198

After the initial info-dump, Schwab weaves information about the magic system seamlessly through the book, leaving enough mystery for the reader to wonder at what might happen in the next books, but never leaving out so much that the reader is confused. I really appreciated the rules that existed around magic. It’s draining, and Antari magic requires blood, which means there is a limit to how much you can perform at once. Magic is seen to affect the world beyond the characters and their main conflict, which I was very happy about as well. There are too many fantasy novels where the magic system has no rules and only exists to further the plot, but in this world you can see it everywhere. The politics of Red London and White London are affected by magic, even where it is not necessarily relevant to the plot. You can see small amounts of magic being performed in the streets of Red London: spells to protect from thieves, etc. Magic is normal for the people in Red London, and it is treated as such in the text.

pacing & plot

This book flew along. I’ve read it multiple times now, and every time, I can’t stop until I finish. And then I want to move along to the next book immediately. It manages to keep up a great pace and still build up to an exciting climax. Schwab’s lyrical writing is not flowery, but it draws the reader in and carries them along the story effortlessly. It’s very engaging and accessible language, which makes it a good stepping stone into adult fantasy (especially if you’re coming from YA).

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. The representation that it gets praised so highly for is disappointing, but aside from that I enjoyed most of the characters and the writing was beautiful. The plot and world were engaging and made me want to read the second book immediately (even though I’m on my 3rd or 4th reread). I would recommend this book for fans of YA fantasy who want to get into adult fantasy - this book is categorized as adult, but I found it a lot easier to read than other adult fantasies. For me, this book is a reminder that you can recognize the flaws in a book and still enjoy it, so remember to stay critical, even of your favorite books :)

#adsom #a darker shade of magic #kell maresh #lila bard #rhy maresh #holland vosijk #ve schwab #booklr #review

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thetypedwriter · 4 years

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Only Mostly Devastated Book Review

Only Mostly Devastated Book Review by Sophie Gonzales

You know those feel good movies that are short and sweet and fun while you’re watching it, but mostly forgettable? You all know what I’m talking about. It’s the experience of something that is fine, enjoyable even, but largely unnoticed on the grand scheme of things?

Only Mostly Devastated is like that.

Now, before the fangirls attack, let me just say that what I commented above is not an inherent criticism. Not every novel that I read, or people want to read, has to be a masterful prose full of epistemological queries and agonizing philosophies on life.

Sometimes you want something sweet and fluffy, like cotton candy, to fill in the times when your brain needs a break. A good book does not necessarily equate to a challenging book, although English teachers in school will have you believe otherwise.

Sometimes books can just be fun.

Only Mostly Devastated tells the queer book version of Grease, down to allusions making its way even on the front cover. The plot is basic in its storytelling. The main character, Oliver, is staying in North Carolina for the summer with his parents as they help out his aunt while she receives treatment for cancer. During the summer, Oliver has a not-so-summer-fling with a boy named Will that both think will end when Oliver moves back to California at the end of the season.

But lo and behold! Oliver’s parents decide to stay in North Carolina for a year to help out, forcing Oliver to spend his last year of high school far away from home and unbeknownst to him, attend the same high school as his beloved Will from the summer.

However, predictably, Will from summer and Will the basketball player that Oliver meets in high school, seem to be two different people, with Oliver trying to reconcile why the boy he loves is pretending like he doesn’t exist.

This book...isn’t original. In any way, shape, or form. From the plot, the characters, the dialogue, and even the writing, nothing about this stands out too much to me.

Again, this does not make it a bad read, sometimes you want light and easy and predictable, but it does make it a forgettable one.

The plot is fine. It’s sturdy, it works for what Gonzales is trying to achieve, which is mainly the love story between Will and Oliver. She does try to throw some other things in there, like putting a side character who is struggling with being bisexual, another side character with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), some light stuff on body image, other airy commentary on fetishizing people’s sexualization, and of course, the death and loss of a loved one and the grieving process that goes with it.

Now, you might be saying, wow, thetypedwriter, what are you thinking? That is so much stuff that she put into her book! Incredible! How can you call it shallow and predictable?

Well, for one, the book is short. While again, nice for those readers who want something light to carry on their way to tan by the pool, great, but for those readers who want something more, this can be frustrating.

For an in-depth reading experience for any of those themes above, hitting the tip of the iceberg would be putting it lightly. The book skims the surface of those topics, but they aren’t delved into in any semblance of sophistication or depth that would actually make this a more memorable read.

Reason two, Sophie Gonzales does come across quite preachy sometimes.

Now, this can be tricky so let me explain. Putting forth your agenda or your beliefs and values in a book is not an erroneous thing to do. Actually, it’s an amazing thing to do and people have been using books as a form of expression for these types of things for centuries. Some may argue that the intrinsic value of a book is to express such opinions.

However, this is not Sophie Gonzales’ biography, nor is it an opinion article about how she feels about the fetishization of girls kissing girls for male entertainment. When you are going to put your opinions and beliefs into your book, it needs to make sense in the scheme of the characters.

For example, if J.K. Rowling randomly had Ron go on a speech about women’s rights and toxic masculinity, it would be out-of-character and baffling since Ron would not be the character to say such a thing.

However, if Hermione were to give such a speech, the ideas and beliefs would be passed along, message received, but without breaking character or pulling me out of the universe to think what the hell because a sermon came out of left field that held no continuity in the scheme of the novel as a whole.

This happened to me quite a lot in Only Mostly Devastated. It was like Sohpie Gonzales got to a certain point, told her characters to step aside, and then got on her soapbox to preach about love and acceptance.

Once again, I’m not against any of the messages she’s portraying at all.

What I think lacked finesse, however, was the way in which she got those messages across, which was often out-of-character and forced the plot to go certain places just so she could get the chance to talk about those issues.

With that out of the way, other slight criticisms I have mainly are to be found with the characters and the writing itself.

The characters were all likable enough. I’m not about to go write fanfiction about any of them though. They were largely generic, although entertaining enough for what this book is offering. They were also all pretty forgettable and formed pretty forgettable relationships as well.

Do I really remember any of Will’s friends? Nope. What about Oliver’s girl squad? Kind of? I did appreciate the attempt at including more characters of color, including Will.

I do think that Lara was the most interesting character. I honestly would have preferred to have had a whole novel about her rather than told from Oliver’s point-of-view, simply as Oliver is basic as all hell (white boy that plays guitar and is slightly awkward. I’ve only seen this character about 10 million thousand times before).

And if Gonzales had written this novel about Lara instead, all of her themes would have worked infinitely better. You still get the struggle with sexuality, you still get the side POC characters with PCOS and body image issues, and you could still have the plot of loss and death if you wanted to.

The friendship with the girls would make so much more sense, the fetishization topic could have been delved into way more thoroughly, and Lara was kind of a bitch, and I appreciated that about her. You would even still get a musical person in the form of Juliette even without Oliver on the scene.

But, nope. We get Oliver. Which is...fine. Mediocre, but fine, I guess.

Lastly, Gonzales is a perfectly average writer. The story flowed, it was funny, it had its moments of nuance and sarcasm, but there were moments where she would make comparisons, always with similes or metaphors, that left me literally confounded because of how bizarre and out-of-place I found them.

Some examples:

1. “Up close, she smelled like sugary flowers.”

-I’m sorry, but what do sugary flowers smell like? Why are the flowers sugary? Who would even sugar their flowers in the first place?

2. “Deep inside my chest, my heart was beating as though it was trying to tear free from bondage.”

-Just...an extremely odd choice of words. Why bondage, Sophie Gonzales, why?

3. “I’d rather floss with barbed wire, than watch a live sports match…”

-Ummm eww and scary?

I could go on and on with the frankly awful choices for comparison that are made in this book with incessant use, but I think you get the point. The similes and metaphors were downright baffling. Not really sure what Gonzales was going for with them, but...no. Just no.

Lastly, Oliver’s nickname Ollie-oop made me want to curl up and die. It didn’t make them seem like better friends. In fact, the whole rose gold-girl-group and Oliver was such a dumpster fire of a friendship that lacked any and all actual solid foundations for a relationship that it annoyed me, especially in the end when Oliver decides to stay in North Carolina to be with people he’s not even close to.

Additionally, the inclusion of Oliver’s two friends from back home was just...pointless, utterly pointless. I don’t even know why she bothered to write them into the story honestly. They added nothing.

Again, her themes are good in nature and provocative in theory, but the book was just too short and shallow to justify writing in any of it when really all she cared about was Will and Oliver sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. It was almost like fanfiction, but published. Actually, nope, I think fanfiction is better.

Wow, I guess I had more feelings about this book than I thought, mostly negative too.

Once more, I want to heavily emphasize that I DIDN’T HATE IT. It was a super, light, super cute, very simple book that I’m sure a ton of people will appreciate right now with everything heavy going on in the world.

If you need a book in cloud form, this is your novel. But....if you wanted something more like me, if you found it just a little too simplistic in nature, just a little too forgettable, then that’s okay too.

Recommendation: If you’re too burdened down by carrying your sunscreen and your cooler out to the pool, this is the perfect light summer reading to tuck under one arm and melt your worries away for a little while. If you want an actually good, actually complex and refined LGBTQ+ coming of age novel then I’d definitely go for the likes of Red, White, and Royal Blue or Autoboyagraphy instead.

Score: 5/10

#only mostly devastated #sophie gonzales #ya fiction #YA Books #YA literature #LGBTQ fiction #book blog #books #book review #Book Recommendations

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imaginesmai · 5 years

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Tom Holland-Back to you

Inspired by Back to you-Selena Gomez. It’s really sad and it might be unexpected, so I’m not going to put any warnings. Just, ANGST AND SOME SENSITIVE TOPICS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU CRY

Took you like a shot

Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening

Let a couple years water down how I’m feeling about you

Tom knew that he never should have gotten involved with you in the first place; his best friend’s sister, his friend since forever and the woman he imagined a world with. He should have known something would go wrong. His luck with women wasn’t good, and he took the chance without caring about the consequences. About the feelings afterwards, about the broken friendship and the endless tears.

He was so wrong.

In his mind, he could still picture the video he first recorded you on. Smiling at the camera with your brand new shirt from Spiderman, giggling like a proper fan and trying to cover your face from him. He could still hear your sweet voice calling out for Tessa when she did something wrong, only to finally let her hop into the bed with the two of you, cuddling together. When he closed his eyes, he could still see your teary face the last time you closed the door on him, bags in hand. Leaving a whimpering Tessa and a broken-hearted Tom behind.

Tom’s throat burned once more as the fiery liquid from the glass bottle in his hands darted down his throat. He had several missed calls from his family and friends, some of them from the director of the film he was working on. He had promised you he would be okay, that he would carry on with his life and find someone else that, maybe, could give him half of what you gave. You had laughed, and he smiled, knowing not even that was possible.

But that day was different. Because it would had been your birthday, and Tom still had your gift wrapped in the back of the wardrobe. He couldn’t remember what it was, just that he had been squealing in happiness when he brought it.

Last year, the two celebrated all day together in bed, wrapped up in each other’s warmth. You had said it had been your favourite birthday yet, and that you couldn’t wait to see how you would spend it next year. How ironic that, the next week, you left.

Harry had checked on him earlier, but he decided to keep his distance since he knew that Tom was still too sensitive about it, and that the wrong words could get him into a hole that Harry didn’t want to see his brother in. Jacob had called around noon to discuss something about the scrip, but Tom knew he was really just trying to distract him. It had been a good distraction thought, Tom had spent the better part of two hours on the phone, not thinking about you.

But soon after he had hung up, the memories came back. You and him stealing glances across the room, before dating, and then him telling it to his brothers like a teenager in love. You and him laughing about something you just knew, and holding hands after that. Saying I love you for the first time, between kisses, and for the last time, between tears.

Tom took another sip at the bottle.

I wanna hold you when I’m not supposed to

When I’m lying close to someone else

You’re stuck in my head and I can’t get you out of it

Tom had tried to move on, he did. Truly.

It was just a lot harder than what he thought it would be. He would compare every aspect of a girl to you. Because that girl ate her pasta like that, and you swirled it around your fork before shoving the first bite into his mouth. And the other had that laugh, while you started noiseless before breaking into a fit of loud and airy laughs that made his chest clench.

They weren’t bad people. Carri was loving and kind, Barbara was an advocate for children’s education, Marie spent her weekends volunteering to save the environment, and Helen loved dogs as much as Tom. But they weren’t you, not even close, and Tom stopped trying after he called the second girl your name in bed.

Some mornings, he would wake up early and pull you closer. He always thought about you first, and had a smile since he opened his eyes. Tom still thought it was like that some mornings, and woke up crying. Remembering, that you had left, that he had agreed and that you weren’t coming back.

It was never the same for him when he slept with other people. Barbara was too loud. Carri was too freaky. Marie was too shy. And Helen too dominating. Sometimes, Tom would imagine your face in other’s girls faces. Half-closed eyes, rounded lips in an o shape and flushed cheeks. He tried to imagine it was you moaning his name and touching his skin, and not someone else.

He imagined that it was you holding his hand as he walked through the park, not Tessa’s cold lash, that it was you who held his arms when he went ice-skating, not that awful date of the past month, and that it was you who he spent all day texting back and forth with.

Most important, Tom imagined a day where he wouldn’t imagine he was with you instead of the person he was actually with. He hoped that day would come soon, and each time the doorbell rang he stepped up with the same glint of excitement that died every day.

Tom felt that he had won the jackpot with you, that he had finally done his ace in golf with you. Everyone else felt like a mediocre prize.

Playing and replaying old conversations

Overthinking every word and I hate it

Cause it’s not me

His nightmares were plagued with you; and his dreams too. His sweet dreams turned sour as he brain too him back to your last moments together, over and over again.

Tom had found the letter early in the morning on Monday; and had went to the gym not knowing what it was or what it meant. It had some strange logo on the front and was thicker that the rest of them, but he had been in a hurry; sometimes, he wished he had stayed and read it with you. Because receiving the condolences of your private clinic for not being able to do anything against your cancer was hard, and that was the first mistake Tom made.

The second one, was bursting into tears and sobs, until he fainted for exhaustion and pain, leaving you to deal with it for the night. He had woken up thinking it was just a dream, yet your teary face and sad smile said otherwise.

He had never met someone as selfless as you. While you walked out of the door, two weeks later, he felt his heart clench at that. Tom knew you were doing it for him, to avoid him from watching you at your worst and make him suffer more. Pleas, cries and begging didn’t work; you left after spending a whole night awake just hugging each other and the second letter came. Before the five day of him being alone and drowning on his sorrow, it arrived; a small yet effective goodbye letter you had written to him for when all of it ended. It was signed with your mother’s writing.

Even after months had passed, Tom hadn’t gone more than three nights in a row without wondering if he did the right thing by respecting your wish of dying without him until your last breath. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself it was your decision, and he did well; a shadow of your disappointed face chased him in his dreams.

And what’s the point in hiding?

Everybody knows we got unfinished business

And I’ll regret it if I didn’t say

This isn’t what it could be (isn’t what it could be)

“Tom Holland’s bigger strike, and final set”, the headlines had called it.

Once it had gone public, his temporal retirement and the reason behind it, the fans and the media had been behind him. The press and the public didn’t know many details, like that Tom had three websites written down on his favourite notebook along with some phones of real estate agencies that had economic flats in LA. The press didn’t care about those things, they didn’t care about Tom having his life planned with you or the pain he was in, the only wanted every juicy detail about Tom and Harrison ‘break up’ and when he was going to come back to the industry. They didn’t care neither about Harrison, who couldn’t look at his best friend without thinking about his dead sister.

The world only wanted to know as much as they could on the non-important details about Tom’s girlfriend, not about Y/N Osterfield, young girl who died because the government didn’t invest enough money in cancer treatment.

Tom hated that.

You can break my heart it two

But when it heals it beats for you

The night of your birthday, as Tom was going to bed, he found himself wandering around the house you used to share in London. He walked around until he stopped in front of your studio, where he had put all the things after you had left. The brown wooden door seemed to stare back at him, daring him to open it. After a few moments, he gave in, and slowly began to twist the doorknob.

When Tom got back from the funeral, after being left alone by a overprotective mother and worried brothers, he went to your studio and the realisation of what had happen drawn to him. He hadn’t cried in the funeral, and hadn’t talked to your family; after the official ceremony, he spent the next week holed up in your side of the bed and hugging your clothes.

He had tried to enter your studio that same day, and he had been met with silence

He got angry, really angry. Tom started yelling and screaming as waves of anger washed through his body. He began to grab everything he was and threw them across the room; your computer, books, the television, the lamp, notebooks, clock. He cursed out loud to Got for taking you so soon. Tom threw random little knickknacks he found and chucked them as hard as he could; his hands were bleeding by the end of it. The last thing he picked was a picture frame of the end of your desk, with a photo of you and him he had taken during your best vacation.

I know it’s forward but it’s true

Won’t lie I’d go back to you

Tom picked up the photograph, and the anger in him subsided, feeling drained. The screams turned into sobs and pitiful cries, and he started wheezing. With shaky hands, he turned around and placed the picture frame on your then flipped bed, and walked out of the room. He knew he wouldn’t been coming back any time soon.

The day of your birthday, the room was the same way it was when he first visited. There were shards of broken glass everywhere. Piles and piles of ripped papers were strewn across the floor. Tom couldn’t help but since at the sound of glass under his shoe. He let one last tear roll down his cheek and rolled the sleeve of his shirt, ready to do what he had been trying to for a whole year.

He looked back, and saw Harrison with a small smile and a brush on his hand. His hair was longer, he seemed ten years older and he was wearing an old shirt that did nothing to his already skinny body.

Tom wasn’t looking much better. He had had his hair cut recently, not bearing anymore the absence of your fingers through his hair. Luckily, Jacob had dragged him out of his apartment a couple of times to go to the gym and his mother made sure he ate at least twice a day. So even if he was thinner, he was still healthy.

If I could do it all again

I know I’d go back to you

When he sat down that night on bed, exhausted and with aches in all his body, he took the frame in his hands and looked at it closely. He promised to himself, once more, that it would be the last time he cried over you, as the tears soaked the picture. In the pit of his stomach, he knew that if he had the opportunity to go back in time and tell his past self all that had happened, to tell himself about the pain of falling in love with an expire date, he would still do everything the same exact way. Tom realized, that even though he had lost you, he hadn’t lost the memories of you. And the good ones were much more better than the bad.

I’ll go back to you

I know I’d go back to you

Tom may had had his heart broken by you. He had lost his friendship with Harrison, a lethal wound on their relationship. And he had suffered what he thought it wasn’t possible. But he knew, if he had a choice, he would go back.

Every. Single. Damn. Time.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

Tom Holland tag list:

@delicately-important-trash

#tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #angst #spiderman #spiderman imagine #imaginemai

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

Photo

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Taylor!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character LYDIA AVERY with the faceclaim of Margot Robbie! We were excited to see your discussion of nice doesn’t always equal right and how Lydia’s motivations throughout her life stem from this constant need to be liked. We love a good underestimated character and we think Lydia will be able to help the Order immensely with her knowledge! So happy to have you apart of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Taylor

AGE: 28

TIMEZONE: EST, Toronto time

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I try to check the dash and discord every day, but I’m probably low to mid activity. I usually post one or two times during the week and then catch up on the weekends.

ANYTHING ELSE: I’m pretty good about all triggers, though I would appreciate a heads up with any suicide mentions. As long as it’s tagged or I’m prepared I’m good though!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Lydia Augustine Avery

AGE: 25

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis Female, She/Her & Lesbian

That doesn’t mean she won’t flirt with a man to boost their ego. Men treat you so much nicer when they think you might sleep with them! Sometimes she wonders why that is, but then she remembers it’s probably one of the reasons she loves women so damn much.

Her sexuality was never exactly a secret, though it’s not something she flaunts in this day and age. Though as a teenager she had been a bit confused about her lack of interest in the men who thought she was so lovely. The hands she’d let grope her as a teenager, the cocks she’d found mediocre. She figured that her preference was as fluid as her personality; she wanted to be liked by everyone, and therefore she must like everyone, right? It took her a minute (she’s a bit slow in most things), but eventually she realized that she really only liked women. They’re truly lovely, aren’t they?

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood Half-blood.

Lydia’s mixed wix and muggle heritage means that she is not biologically related to the mother that raised her, Colette Avery, and is a half sister to Margaret. But while Lydia knew she was a bastard child, she didn’t realize she was a half-blood! Even Colette was unaware until recently that her husband was unfaithful with a dirty muggle of all things! Alphonse’s affair lasted more than a few weeks while travelling with a woman in France named Delphine Marchand. She worked in a bakery and loved to figure skate. Her pureblood father knows nothing of her muggle mother’s heritage, or much of her history in general - and when she finds out he gives Lydia next to nothing in terms of knowledge of her mother, in fear that Lydia would have the urge to venture into the muggle world he saved her from to find her.

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

“What? A nice girl like you, you’re not from Slytherin!”

“Slytherins can be nice! I take offense to that, sir.” Lydia grins back, her face not showing an ounce of what she claimed - though she had a skill for always appearing unflustered and approachable. A thick skin was needed when you were kind to everyone, a strength that people often forgot. The man takes her charm as flirting, a common occurrence and leans against her desk.

“Really, I can’t name a single Slytherin I’ve known for being so sweet.”

“Well then you haven’t been hanging around the right people. Besides, now you know me!”

ANY CHANGES: Nope

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Without knowing Lydia you may assume she’s unapproachable. The perfect poise, plush pout, sacred name, and during school her emerald green banner colours, tend to give the stereotypical impression of a mean girl. But Lydia Avery is far from it.

One of Lydia’s key goals in life is to be liked, and in her experience growing up, the best way to be liked is to be kind. She genuinely enjoys making people happy, and through this has gained a warmth and a charm that disarms many. Not a stranger to compliments or generous acts, she’s the first to make a pot of tea for a group or start doing dishes as a guest.

Many have taken advantage of Lydia through the ages, as along with her kindness she has a dislike for confrontation and will rarely call someone out as being rude or manipulative. In her teenage years she was the seat warmer or the errand runner, and as a secretary for a powerful Ministry man she hasn’t really grown out of this just yet. There’s a meekness to her willingness to do someone else’s dirty work, and she’s easily talked into situations that she might not be if she had a stronger backbone.

Despite her lack of confrontational skills, she’s grown a thick skin. A bit of I’m rubber and you’re glue inner philosophy, she tends to take words as just words. With snarky comments given to her over the years from her “mother” Colette she has an inner belief that insulting people don’t actually dislike you and almost anyone can be won over. It’s naive, but it’s helped her stay relatively optimistic! While insults like Lydiot are demeaning and she definitely doesn’t like them, she’s a fantastic actress and it rarely shows on her face when she’s upset or thinking negative thoughts. Her self-consciousness is internal and there’s power in appearing unphased by cruelty (though some may think she’s just too dim to understand it was insulting in the first place - and to be frank, sometimes that is the case).

This ability to hold a facade is one of her greatest strengths. Lydia has been acting her entire life! A family secret since she was born, allowing Colette to bounce snarky underhanded comments at her with the appearance that she was unphased has set her up as unexpectedly valuable. She’s able to charm the right people, and quietly observe unnoticed. She’s able to keep a straight face with a creep’s hand on her knee, and recite lines without stumbling. Her charm, mixed with her attractiveness, work as a glamour and despite being someone in the room that almost everyone notices - most of the time she’s hidden in plain sight.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Alphonse Avery, Father - Shopkeep, A Very Spellbinding Book Shop

Alphonse Avery is a proud man. Not because of his riches, but because he’s built what he has from the ground up, no thanks to his drunken, gambling father. Raised in a wealthy home, he remembers what it was like to be waited on by house elves and invited to banquets, but also recalls losing it all during his days in Hogwarts. Sometimes he is even still bitter about it all, he often butts heads with his father whom he rarely speaks with anymore, and sometimes with his brother Albrecht who still puts Lydia’s grandfather in high regards. Though he isn’t a muggle sympathizer, Alphonse thinks there’s more than just pure blood that makes someone worth looking up too.

Colette Avery, Step-mother - Shopkeep , A Very Spellbinding Book Shop

Colette is not an unreasonable woman. Honorable even, raising the outcome of her husband’s affair. She loves her husband, but it wasn’t to say they always saw eye to eye. Their marriage was an arranged one, and therefore they don’t particularly show the chemistry expected of a loving partnership, but when it comes to supporting her family she’ll do what’s best for them. Even when Lydia is looking up at her with blue eyes that don’t match their own, a sharp reminder that at one point in her life she hadn’t been good enough. She’s curt with Lydia, and never shies away from constructive criticism or feels the need to sugarcoat. The fawning she does over Minnie is something Lydia has always longed for growing up and when she can please Colette it’s a good day.

Margaret “Minnie” Avery, Half Sister

Minnie has alway been the pet of the family. Colette’s true born daughter, the favourite, the rightful Avery. While this might make any other person resent their sister, Lydia adores her little sister. While others may call her mousey in her looks, she’s wickedly smart and can always make Lydia laugh with her slightly dark humour. She has the same eye for politics, but while Lydia had always been one for schmoozing, Minnie never bothered and instead has always had a sense of self worth that Lydia has been proud of her sister for.

Albrecht Avery, Uncle - Death Eater

Alphonse’s younger brother. A true believer in his father’s beliefs that everything bad that has ever happened to them is because of muggles or muggle borns, and doesn’t understand Alphonse’s lack of sympathy towards his father. It wasn’t a crime to gamble, after all! The mudblood that won their family fortune was a no good, rotten thief. He had to have cheated, after all. How else could he have won that game? No way he’d been more talented or intelligent then an Avery! While Albrecht and Alphonse don’t always see eye to eye, Lydia has known her Uncle Al her entire life. Loud, outgoing, demeaning, and cunningly cruel with underhanded compliments. Lydia and her sister have rarely felt comfortable around their uncle - who found the fact that his brother had daughters just another point to why he’d done better than him.

Arcturus Avery, Cousin - Presumed Death Eater

Arcturus and Lydia were always the closest in age. She’s always seen him as the closest thing to a brother she’s ever had, and when she finally reached the age to attend Hogwarts she’d been delighted that she’d made it into his house too! Her older cousin always had the confidence of his father, and as he aged, his bossiness grew more and more. He knew all of the tricks to get Lydia to do his bidding - though it didn’t take much really - and his treatment of her resembles gaslighting. Cute nicknames one moment, insults the next. Building her up just to knock her down. Leaving her out of the fun just to make her want to be included. As she’s aged she’s grown less comfortable with his values, but she doesn’t realize that Arcturus or his father are Death Eaters.

Delphine Marchant, Biological mother - Muggle

There’s not much to be said about Lydia’s birth mother. She doesn’t know anything really at all. The woman is a faceless entity, but Alphonse has been smitten in his short time trying to woo the french woman in the bakery, who always smelled of cinnamon. She doesn’t remember Alphonse, or even Lydia - for he’d done her a kindness and wiped her memory clean before stealing her child.

OCCUPATION:

Formerly a washed out actress, she now works in the Ministry as part of the Wizengamot Administrative Services as secretary for the honourable Wizengamot Judge Perryweather, a member of the High Court of Magic

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

It’s all so new and fresh, she’s barely a member - still in the affiliate stage. This is the closest Lydia has ever been to having a mind of her own and standing up for her beliefs. Honestly, this is the closest Lydia has had to realizing she truly has beliefs! It hasn’t fully clicked what exactly she’s doing and what sort of risk she’s taking. That being said, I think she’s going to be intoxicated by the sudden realization that she can make choices and have thoughts that don’t simply parrot what she thinks other people want to hear, and when that starts to unravel who knows what’s going to happen??

That being said, it’s going to take something big for people to take Lydiot Avery seriously in The Order!

SURVIVAL:

Lydia is lucky enough to have a good family name and a Ministry job. Her heritage is a secret, and as Judge Pennyweather’s beloved secretary she’s practically invisible. She resides in a small studio flat in London, not far from the Ministry where she lives alone and sometimes

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m not exactly sure what people have in mind but here are a few possible ideas!

Maurice Creevey

A person who is practically the opposite of people-pleasing Lydia, it was Maurice’s pirated broadcasts that brought the fact that there was truly a rebellion fighting against everything that is happening without waiting for the slow-moving and corrupt bureaucracy. Lydia rarely says anything that might upset anyone, but when she meets the muggleborn who fights it all with words broadcasted out to the world she can’t help but like a moth to a flame. She could learn a lot, but it also might get her burned.

Branwen Yaxley

Branwen scares the shit out of Lydia. In your face, opinionated and bigotted, she’s not exactly Lydia’s cup of tea. Her worst fear is that Branwen (or anyone really) truly finds out about her muggle mother, but it doesn’t stop her from treating the woman with the same kindness and showers her with the same amount of compliments that everyone receives. Though Lydia’s sure that one of these days a comment on how lovely her hair looks today might end her up with a black eye.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

I don’t have any particular ships in mind, but I’m personally open to anything. Lydia is a sucker for attention, and takes any form of it as good. She wants to be liked by as many people as possible, which means she’s a bit of a pushover and can be easily taken advantage of. I’d love to see this either taken advantage of, or for once someone to stick up for her and show her that she’s worth more. Or both? Both is good! I’m down for it all. Unrequited love, heartbreak, fluff (though not too much fluff that’s boring!)

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Despite the new found information that Lydia is not actually a pureblood, she has lived her entire life with the privilege of being one. A strong family name means something in wizarding Britain and up until recently she could stay safely on the sidelines without worrying about who won the war. She’d still be safe and sound no matter what. But now her sense of self is dwindling even further, fragile as it already was with the title of bastard in her mother’s eyes, Lydia is now seeing the world as what it truly is - and realizing why her father had kept it such a secret for so long. Not even his family would really understand, would they?

And while Lydia is kind to everyone she meets, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s always understood her privilege and can be rather dim in the area of realizing how truly well-off she’s been all of these years. Her Slytherin school mates, mixed with her pureblood family, and her lack of heroic or confrontational nature means that up until now she’s never stood up for her beliefs - and she’s been in a place where she’s never had to really have them. It’s selfish, that she’s suddenly turning to the “good guys” as a mix of self-preservation and a realization that there are no innocent bystanders. This war affects everyone, and she had to be a sudden target to realize it.

Also, unrelated to blood, but Lydia has always had the privilege of being pretty. It’s vain, she knows, but as far as she is concerned listening to a pretty girl try and be humble about their looks makes you want to punch them in the nose - so she isn’t going to point at hidden pores or say she needs to lose weight when she knows she doesn’t. Lydia learned very early into puberty that there is a sort of power in being attractive. People like you more, it’s just a simple fact, and Lydia wants to be liked! And so she’s always used this key attribute to her advantage. Batting her eyelashes, sending a splendid smile, and maybe wearing a low cut top if she really wanted to distract you. It’s unfortunate, and she doesn’t believe she’s really more valuable than anyone else for it, but hey! If it works, it works.

And history told her, it usually did. Sometimes too well. Lydia’s keen ability to read a room and be able to charm people sometimes works a little too well, and men often can’t keep their eyes off of her assets. While she sometimes uses this to her advantage, it’s also fairly revolting that many men treat a woman more kindly if they’re attractive. They’re pigs. And while she doesn’t think all men are that way, she’s met enough to be wary of them until they prove their respectability!

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

The most job interview of job interview questions! I’m just looking forward to being in a group that I’ve been told is so creative, fun and accepting. I’ve heard nothing but good things for months but wanted to make sure I had an idea for a character that would give me the muse to do this place justice!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

Lydia isn’t the type of person to see her value in a fight or organization like the Order’s, so I don’t see her as being a fully fledged member right away. Her just trying to reach out to someone being like “Hey, I know a thing! Maybe it will help!” is a big step for her, so I think it might be a gradual initiation that makes her a full member after a few intel drop offs.

That being said, I think once she’s done a few intel drop offs, Lydia gets hooked on being valuable and important and having morals and beliefs, and I would love for her to prove her worth or someone to challenge her place. Lydia is not someone you automatically see as valuable or a team member worth having so making her step out of her comfort zone and show her worth in a situation like that would be super fun! Risky initiation anyone??

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope!

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST:

Lydia Avery has almost always had a secret. From the day she was born, her secret had been kept; or as her father would put it, their family secret. You see, while her father Alphonse loved his wife Colette dearly, it did not mean that he had always been faithful. So when he brought home a beautiful baby girl one stormy evening from his ventures in France - freshly plucked from her mother’s arms (a well casted obliviate to spare her from the heartache) - Colette was less than enthused.

“She’s an Avery!” Her father had argued. His duty to take care of his own. Colette allowed it, she was a reasonable woman after all, and wouldn’t flaunt the embarrassment of infidelity. Therefore Lydia was raised as Colette’s child, and the rest of the world knew nothing different - but as much as she wasn’t a cruel woman, Colette also didn’t want Lydia to believe that she was hers. And so Lydia, and eventually her half-sister, had always been aware of where she’d come from and that no one else should know.

Lydia’s childhood wasn’t an unhappy one - she adored her sister, and until school longed for nothing because she didn’t know anything was missing from their home on the side streets of Diagon Alley. At least nothing material. It was her “mother” who Lydia longed to impress, overly eager to please Colette in an attempt to gain maternal love. It came easy to Margaret, the polite, quiet & smart girl who never had to lie about whose womb she came from. Colette’s affection for her real daughter was like any mother’s, and Lydia would do anything to gain the same. Set the table, clean the dishes, lay her slippers at her feet. It wasn’t expected, but when she could gain a smile from Colette it was worth it! She loved making people happy, and when she made people happy, they liked her back.

People pleasing became a trait that eventually embodied Lydia, and by the time she was at school, she was eager as ever to make friends. Her passion for people to like her was her greatest ambition, and it landed her into Slytherin. Despite her lack of new robes or fancy jewellery, even for the most inconsiderate people it was hard not to like Lydia’s happy-go-lucky energy - but it also allowed her to be taken advantage of quite a bit. The pushover of the group, she was often the friend who went to save seats in class or for dinner, or fetch forgotten items that weren’t even hers in the common room.

While some of her housemates were cunning enough to use Lydia to their full advantage, her friendliness didn’t center around just them, and many of her other classmates didn’t mind her company or a friendly hello! She had a knack for making them feel special, noticing things like their artistic abilities or the lovely colour of their hair or jumper. She was also smart enough to distance herself from her friend’s bad behaviour. While Lydia didn’t excel at school (something her mother would later blame on her heritage), she’d inherited a keen eye for personal politics - and could do simple math. Most of the school (and world) liked Gryffindors, and so despite Slytherins disliking Gryffindors, she didn’t need them to dislike her back. Especially if it would mean other people would dislike her too!

And so as the years passed, she became good at slipping away or keeping her distance when her cousin Arcturus would snark insults to young muggleborns, or the other kids would pick on the Hufflepuffs. Not noticeably of course, and she wasn’t any hero who’d come to their aid - she didn’t need that target after all. No she was simply neutral, because if she was neutral then no one could dislike her, could they?

PRESENT:

One of Lydia’s great loves in magical London was the infamous Moonlight Theatre. With moving pin-ups of glamourous actors and actresses, theatre elves ushering fabulously dressed couples to their seats, and wonderfully acted performances of “Walburga & Hortense, A Tragedy In Three Parts” and “Death of a Broomsmaker”, Lydia was intoxicated.

And some of the casting agents were intoxicated by her as well. A Marylin Monroe-esque soft and breathy voice, doe-eyes and an hourglass figure, some thought Lydia was made for an audience. Even her charm translated to the stage! What better career for a woman wanting to be adored then that of one in the spotlight?

But while Lydia had been willing to kiss a few frogs, and let men do what they want with her in her younger years - the pushover side of Lydia Avery grew a bit more and more of a spine as she aged. Lydia didn’t want to let every man’s hands wander, or go on dates with the director so that he could show her off on his arm and push her into bed later that night. She wanted to steal kisses from her co-star Tabitha Bradford and slip her own hands under her skirt with permission. She wanted lipstick stains on her skin, and the smell of fresh perfume instead of cologne.

And when she finally stood up for herself, she was left re-casted and jobless - her reciprocated crush suddenly silent in fear for her own unemployment.

“It’s for the best.” Her father says, never liking the sight of his eldest daughter’s moving pictures on theatre posters or the odd tabloid. It’s the first time Lydia truly gets angry with him in a long time, another parent who isn’t proud of her, but the spat causes a slip-up that stops the girl in her tracks. “It’s better that you keep yourself out of their heads! No reason to pry, no need for them to find out what you are.”

A half-blood. Dirty. The affair he’d claimed was with at least a witch wasn’t that at all! Even Colette was unaware that while he was dilly-dallying about in his younger years, it hadn’t just been with another woman. It had been with a muggle woman. A pretty girl who worked in a bakery and knew nothing of his life back home with magic.

“A harmless romp.”, Alphonse claimed, but the look in his eyes was one with shame and a bit of confusion. Even he doesn’t fully believe it but when Lydia begs to know more he pushes her away. Force he’s never used on her before. “Get it out of your head! It’s nothing. You’re a witch and if anyone asks your blood is pure. You’re my daughter and that should be good enough.”

It’s the last they speak of it. It’s for her protection, after all. Before she thought this half-secret she’d lived all her life was for pride. At least part of it is. For Colette to not have to explain to her circle what she’d lacked. But truly he’d done it to protect her, hadn’t he? Stolen her away from the family her grandfather would loathe. He’dhidden her with a shiny pureblood status to stop those like her uncle from erasing her completely.

Eventually she finds a position she’s good at. Simple work, taking notes and fetching lunch and running errands for Judge Perryweather. A very important man, so she was told! A person who knows all the ins and outs at the ministry, and therefore Lydia has learnt quite a few things sitting at the desk in front of his office. A smile always on her face and a kind word to the right person, and they tended to tell her things she really wasn’t supposed to know. Who was having an affair, policies they were trying to push, charged witches and wizards they had on trial. From the delivery wix to the other judges, they all know her now and she knows them! And while she’s not exactly cunning, she isn’t as dim as everyone makes her out to be! She knows when to smile and charm, when to be quiet and listen, when to pretend to be invisible. It’s an interesting job, in an interesting place - and maybe if someone saw her potential she could be useful with everything that’s happening lately.

But then again, she’s not going to overstep if she’s unwanted in that area. It’s not as if someone would ask Lydia about anything. Why would they expect her to be an expert on Perryweather’s close friendship with Lucius Malfoy, or the fact that, despite him being a proud, public supporter of the Ministry of Magic, every 2 weeks an envelope filled with gallons and a list of Muggle Sympathizers names landed on her desk for her boss.

And if she offered the unwanted information, well who would take someone like her seriously?

FC CHOICES: Margot Robbie please! If she doesn’t work Blake Lively or Meghann Fahy

#homenumaccepted #harry potter roleplay #hp rp #harry potter rp #marauder rp

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