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#that maybe are never going to vanish
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I think that one of the saddest feelings is thinking, "I want to go home," and then realising you are in the place you live, but you still aren't at home. There's no home for you. The place that is supposed to be home for you is not safe.
So, hear me out. I know it's hard, I know you're scared, but one day you'll be at home. You'll walk through a door and immediately feel relief. You'll get to decide how to live your life. You'll survive. You're not alone. Me, you, too many people are into this together.
Will you fight with me?
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evilkaeya · 4 months
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skk au where everything is the same except Chuuya and Dazai have literal red string of fate tied to their pinkies. It appears when Chuuya kicked Dazai down in Suribachi. No one can see the string. They've tried to untie it, cut it, burn it, rip it, bomb it- but to no avail. There's no limit to the length of the string. No matter how far they go, they're always tied to each other.
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megamagimugi · 2 months
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He's-a Gone
Luigi time! To suffer, that is.
(CW: character death)
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This is obviously a sort of comlementary piece to I Was-a Too Late. But it's more than just that as it also illustrates a certain fun, dark what-if idea I had. Please keep reading if you're intrigued!
Lore:
Luigi's Mansion, the first game. Everything goes the same as in canon until the final boss fight, when Luigi defeats King Boo in his Bowser costume. After King Boo comes out and Luigi intends to suck him in, the villain laughs and reveals the truth: Mario's painting was an illusion, so was everything Madame Clairvoya saw. All just to mess with Luigi. Meanwhile the real Mario wasn't just captured by the Boos, he was immediately killed by them on their King's orders. The only physical thing that's left of him in this realm is the five items Luigi found - hidden by the Boos for Luigi to find, another part of King Boo's sick game.
Luigi is able to finish the fight despite his shock and grief, fueled by the anger King Boo never expected from him. After getting out of the painting the plumber discovers that it is indeed empty, no Mario or anyone else in the portrait.
Heartbroken and guit-ridden, Luigi goes back to Professor E. Gadd's lab and gives him back the Poltergust 3000. He doesn't even want to stay long enough to see what is going to happen to the ghosts. Of course the Professor tries to offer some semblance of comfort, but we all know it's not his forte.
So Luigi leaves, only taking Mario's five items with him. He notices that the mansion has disapeared without a trace. The reality of it all finally hits him, and he practically collapses onto a nearby tree's large root protruding from the ground, putting down the precious items around himself, only leaving the matching red hat and the letter in his hands. He should have known something was off. After all, the Mario he saw in the painting was wearing his hat and both gloves.
Looking at all these items, to his growing horror he can't help but imagine what exactly might have happened to his brother and what his last moments might have been like. He hugs the hat to his chest and rereads Mario's note several times, knowing that the brief warning was his brother's last words to him.
Luigi can do nothing but cry for the beloved brother he couldn't save, desperately wishing it was his warm, living and breathing body pressed to his chest rather than just a couple of his belongings.
But Mario is truly gone, apparently having met such a horrific fate that not even a single part of his body is left in the physical world.
[Good night]
…I'll leave the rest up to your imagination ;) Sorry if I got carried away with my description. Occasionally even I enjoy being a little dramatic, though I'm no writer whatsoever.
Yeah, I'm not apologizing for making this one - I was nicer to Luigi than to his bro, at least here the Mushroom Kingdom and everyone in it (except for Mario lol) is still okay!
But alas,
You can no longer play as Mario
Rest in spaghetti, funny wahoo man.
@federthenotsogreat I'm tagging you because you said you wanted more Mario art like I Was-a Too Late, thought you might like this one too!
@drones-of-innocence Also tagging you because you were interested in my idea.
Edit: Tagging a few more mutuals who might want to see this based on their reaction to my previous angsty work just in case, feel free to ignore. Or ask me to remove the tag if you want, no problem.
@silenzahra (remember, no rush) @c-lavanda @jell-o101 @stripetkattelalala54-gf
@luigixfanxayjay @itsavee4117
And you @giddlygoat just because you have a Luigi's Mansion AU and I thought you might appreciate this... Also because I'm a fan 👉👈
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suckerforthisshit · 10 days
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After four years of lasser focus and obsession. I wake up and lost the feeling for Mello and Near. It happened all because I saw the other perspective, the possibility that Mello actually have a strong repulsion towards Near. After reading a part of the la BB murder cases light novel, where Mello says "I am the world's runner up, the best dresser, that died like a dog." It made me think a lot and come up with conclusion that his feelings towards near, from the hatred and admiration, obsession and all that what I already knew, is actually a deep pathological repulsion. As he saved Near's life, and literally sacrificed himself as Halle saw it, it seems that in the end, Mello did it for his deepest urges, his feelings of not being able to live with himself afterwards if Near win, instead of actually caring about Near as a person. It hit me. And it changed my mind. I saw.. no logic behind my theory that Mello is absolutely in love with Near but in denial.. because if the last thing he could say was his fascination about BB and talking about L and winning without one small hint about Near, it seems like Mello absolutely doesn't stand a chance to have any kind of attraction towards him.
The shit is- I am personally connected with these two and many songs, stories, man.. my whole life was lasser focused on them.. as a person who is seemingly phlegmatic and not giving shit about anything. Connecting with nothing, this was like the one and only emotional part of my being and very very intense. If I lose that, shit, what I'll have.
But I am in such shit right now I can't go over something that kind of doesn't make sense to me.. can't get over it so easily. If someone like... Proves me.. tells me.. if I read some old messages or my writings about them.. listen to some music.. Maybe I'll come up with it again..
But shit. Suddenly I have no motivation to do that.. like. At all. But now since that was my primary focus. Man I don't know what to do with myself
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damnprecious · 2 years
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sometimes...the urge to vanish with no trace is strong
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keeps-ache · 1 year
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remembering something
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dullahandyke · 1 year
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Not otherkin but I believe in their beliefs almost solely bcos describing tender actions as 'human' ticks me off. 'The act of impulsive communal creation is so human' ywah well I bet some lizards could do that. And pretty well too
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astral-catastrophe · 1 year
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Damn it
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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baltears · 2 years
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made this visual of all the times williams theme popped up in this scene because im mad that i still cant figure out why it’s in there
#I keep looking at it expecting that if i just look long enough i'll see something 😑#but yeah still. no idea#it's absolutely impossible that they did this accidentally (like. lol. come on) but WHAT#I UNDERSTAND why dolores' theme showed up during the william sequence in 2x04. that one made sense like it seemed obvious#but why this scene for this?? why here??? what could this possibly have to do with him or her relationship with him or anything#does emmett have some sort of significance here that i didn't catch??#also before anyone comes in my notes telling me im overthinking this. no im not. this show's score is used very intentionally#i've mentioned that this is a variation on william's theme that first showed up in vanishing point so i thought maybe it had to do with that#but there's just nothing linking these two things in my brain lol. how would christina finding out about the closed system relate to william#I had this theory a while back based on a couple of small hints that potentially christina might be an amalgam of dolores and william#which would make this make a little bit more sense... but that's not the direction they seem to have gone since she just is dolores#the only thing that's coming to mind is that the ''walled garden'' is related to william somehow. which i guess wouldn't... not make sense..#the phrase ''walled garden'' was initially brought up as a way of explaining how the hosts have perfect memories that preserve everything#and obviously a major plot point in season one was dolores' perfect recall of william because she relived all her memories of him#and i have posited that a major part of season 5 is going to be william kind of being. reconstructed. into something closer to his old self#but that still feels like suuuuch a reach lol. like the dots still aren't quite connecting#My best guess is just that this is some sort of very very subtle foreshadowing that is meant to pay off in season 5#BUT WE MIGHT NEVER GET. A SEASON FIVE.#JUST EXPLAIN PLEASE JONAH AND LISA#grr!! it's gonna bother me until i know >:(#westworld
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butchvamp · 2 years
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sigh
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imwritesometimes · 1 year
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I am once again completely losing any interest or motivation to actually write anything 🙃🙃🙃
#it just poof! disappears! vanishes! gone! it has left the building!#I absolutely positively HAVE to write linearly I cannot go oh well I have the ideas for much later chapters so I'll start there#my brain does NOT work like that and quite frankly I hate the advice that's always like oh write the fun bits first then!#cause it's like bitch I KNOW myself I KNOW my brain I'd never finish ANYTHING#I am the ULTIMATE 'well this isn't fun anymore I'm dipping' bitch. QUEEN of hitting the bricks#and also my brain just. will not function in that way. things gotta be done in ORDER or it DOES. NOT. WORK. AT. ALL. EVEN. A LITTLE.#but I find myself getting very VERY self-conscious and outright repelled by own set-up and structuring if that makes any sense?#it's like I gotta BUILD to *the* part but when I work on the foundation and framework I'm like 🫤😟🥴#it's like oh this just sounds like boring drab info dumping bullshit#and the thing is. I know it's not! I'm not a *bad* writer. I know anyone else reading it doesn't see it as#hollow paint by numbers blah blah blah bland af shit#but to ME it feels that way#and I just lose the desire to work on anything anymore#this has been going on for MONTHS now. MONTHS. I've not been able to write ANYTHING. for MONTHS. cause of this.#this stupid weird trepidation that all my setup work is just horrid awful runny dog shit#idk where it csme from. idk why it's stuck around so long. idk how to fix it. don't think it CAN be fixed at this point.#I just don't know what I'm doing man. I used to LOVE writing fic. now I'm like lol maybe DON'T do that.#erin explains it all
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gothprentiss · 2 years
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i’m gonna rewatch the lady vanishes tonight and buy some soup and roll all over my couch. couch i’ve missed you. couch i’ll be there in an hour….! wait for me my love!
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revvywevvy · 2 years
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yknow i've mentioned before that chelly is very capable of being violent and explosive. however the most ever angry i've ever drawn her is mildly upset. plus there was the memey-ish thing with chelly literally begging chip to let her bite maim kill people for him.
i kinda wanna draw chelly completely snapping. chelly getting a little too silly.
#cell screams#cw vent#//<- just incase lol#//fun fact that horse toon ive mentioned a few times? sam bucus? yeah he's based on my actual childhood bully#//this might start looking like a vent from here-on and will get violent so little warning if you keep reading these tags#//but yeah since my actual bully ruined my childhood and social development and never apologized i feel a lot of hatred as u can see.#//and since actually getting revenge on the real guy is both illegal and a total waste of my time im just going to take out said rage#//on the toon version of said guy. is that deranged? maybe. at least im self aware about it idk lol#//i am very close to just drawing chelly killing bucus or something idfk.#//but i am not wasting time trying to hunt down some asshole brat who definitely played a big part in me being so fucked up today#//bc like. he had a chance to apologize senior year. then when a friend told him to apologize he fuckin vanishes into thin air never to be#//seen again until graduation night. so in my opinion i think he didnt regret anything and wasnt sorry.#//which sucks bc in my traumatized rage i definitely said some fucked up shit to him too as a kid and would've apologized as well.#//but there was a chance for closure. i tried to find him too to try and get that closure but no. there never will be closure. its over now#//so instead im going to unleash a teeny tiny portion of my bottled up decades long rage and hatred#//on an anthropomorphic purple horse. :)#//besides sam bucus did more fucked up things to chelly than my irl bully since bucus is a culmination of EVERYTHING thats#//fucked me up in life whether it be mental machinations; intrusive thoughts or things that actually happened#//so while perhaps my real bully doesnt deserve death; SAM BUCUS SURE DOES AND HE'S GONNA GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#// :)#//sorry for my violent rambling i got it out of my system now thanks for reading my weird bullshit lmao
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tanadrin · 1 month
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And God said, "Behold! I have created the fourth primordial force: the weak interaction!"
And the angels all clapped and nodded politely, and there was a long silence; and finally Verchiel, the Angel of Grace, spoke up and asked, "Er, what exactly does it do, O Fashioner?"
And God said, "What do you mean, 'what does it do?' It's the fourth fundamental force of the universe."
And Verchiel said, "You mentioned that. Um. But it's just that the other three sort of have a brand, you know? Gravity helps build large-scale structures, acts over vast cosmic distances, shapes time and space. The strong force is secret, hidden, binding together quarks and all that. Electromagnetism, very cool stuff, somewhere in between. We're all big fans of the whole magnetic monopole double bluff, very clever. But, er. What does this 'weak interaction' do?"
And God said, "It mediates radioactive decay. Sort of."
And Verchiel said, "Radioactive decay? All radioactive decay?"
And God said, "No. Just some kinds."
And Zephaniel, the Chief of the Ishim spoke, and he said, "A whole independent force just to mediate some kinds of radioactive decay?"
And God said, "Well. Not totally independent. Technically it's related to electromagnetism."
And Zephaniel said, "Wait, it's not even a real force?"
And God said, "It's totally a real force. It's just that it's one aspect of a combined electromagnetic and weak force. An electro-weak force, if you will."
And Metatron, the Celestial Scribe, scratched his head at this, but said nothing.
And Cambiel, the Angel of Transformation, said, "Maybe you can walk us through it from the top."
And God Sighed an immense Sigh, and said, "All right, fine.
"So the way it works is that all of space and time is permeated by a field that has imaginary mass."
And Cambiel said, "Imaginary mass, O Generous Provider?"
And God said, "Yes, imaginary mass. It's tachyonic, d'you see?"
And Sarathiel, the Angel of Discipline, said, "Wait a minute, I thought we agreed nothing was going to travel faster than light? All that 'c' business and the whole Lorentz transformation thing. What's happening with that?"
And God said, "Let me finish. The field is tachyonic. The particles in the field all move slower than light."
And Sarathiel had to think about this for a second.
And God said, "The point is, a field with imaginary mass has a non-zero vacuum expectation value."
And this really gave Sarathiel trouble, since he had never been very good at math.
And God, seeing this, went back to explain. "Most fields, like the electromagnetic field, have no effect when they are at their lowest energy state. It's like they're not there at all. If you give a field imaginary mass, then it vanishes only when it's at a very high energy state, and at a low energy state, it has a nonzero value everywhere."
And Sarathiel nodded, but he was confused, because he didn't understand why God would create such a thing.
But Verchiel thought he saw where God was going with this, and he was amazed.
"Truly, you are cunning beyond measure, O Only One Certainly Sound and Genuine in Truth! Only now do I understand your design! For in order to make the universe homogenous and isotropic, it is necessary that all large-scale fluctuations in temperature and mass must be evened out early in the history of the cosmos; and therefore, you have designed a field which will rapidly expand space after the Big Bang, many orders of magnitude in brief moments, and then swiftly and spontaneously decay as it gives up the energy it began with, giving rise to radiation and particles of all kinds as it does, which will condense into the material universe! It is a wonder to behold."
And God said, "What? No. I mean I did, but this isn't the inflaton field I'm talking about. This is something else."
And Verchiel said, "Wait, it's not?"
And God said, "No, I'm going to use a different field to drive cosmic inflation. The properties of this field are totally different."
And now Verchiel was also confused, and lapsed into silence.
And God said, "Like I was saying, this field is a scalar field with imaginary mass, and it does spontaneously decay to a ground state with a non-zero value. But it's not the inflaton field. Instead it combines with the W1, W2, W3, and B bosons."
And Metatron began to flip back through the pages of the Heavenly Record trying to figure out where he'd lost the thread.
And Zephaniel said, "The what bosons?"
And God said, "The W1, W2, W3, and B bosons. I'm sure I mentioned them. You know, the massless bosons?"
And Zephaniel said, "I'm pretty sure we only talked about the W+, W-, and Z0 bosons. All of which you said were going to have mass, O Owner of All Sovereignty."
And God said, "Yes, but this is how they get them, you see. Once this field acquires a nonzero value everywhere, the massless bosons interact with it and get mass. Well, some of them do. They turn into the W+, W-, and Z0 boson. And the photon."
And Zephaniel said, "…and the photon, O Accepter of Invocation?"
And God said, "Well, I did say I was going to unify the electromagnetic force and the weak interaction, didn't I? This is how. Above the critical temperature--right now I'm thinking 10^15 K, but I'm open to feedback on that one--electromagnetism and the weak force act as a single unifying force. Below that temperature, the field gets a nonzero value, you get three massive bosons to mediate the weak interaction, and the photon pops out seperately."
And Zephaniel said, "That seems… a bit overly complicated, doesn't it, O Reinstater Who Brings Back All?"
And God said, "No, it's exactly what we need. Look, that way the W and Z bosons have something to do, but the weak interaction still only travels short distances. Gravity is still the star of the show on cosmic scales, as it were. But now quarks and leptons can swap their flavor!"
And Zephaniel said, rather weakly, "Their… flavor, O Source of Good?"
And God said, "It's this new quantum number I'm trying out, to give the three generations of matter more unique identities."
And Cambiel said, "Three generations of matter? Now I'm really confused."
And God said, "I'm sure I mentioned this. You've got the lightest quarks and leptons, and then two heavier versions of each that can decay into the lighter versions."
And Cambiel said, "What do they do? New kinds of chemistry, is it?"
And God said, "Well, no. Mostly they just decay in a couple microseconds. Or even faster."
And Zephaniel began to rub his temples, and Cambiel sniffed.
And Cambiel said, "This all seems a bit ad hoc to me. Not really the stuff of an elegant and obviously ordered Creation. Why not have four generations of matter? Why not a trillion?"
And God began to grow irritable, and said, "Well, that's not really up to you, now is it? We're going to have three generations of matter, and the electroweak force, and that's that!"
And Zephaniel said, "As long as we are unifying fundamental forces, perhaps we could somehow also unify the electroweak interaction with the strong interaction, or even gravity."
And God hesitated saying, "Well, I haven't decided about that yet. I'm not sure I want gravity to be quantized, you know? Seems to take some of the geometric elegance out of general relativity."
And now it was Zephaniel's turn to sigh, and he bowed his head. "As you wish, O Possessor of Authority of Decisions and Judgement."
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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man i was planning on calling a friend tonight but they've blown me off completely with no explanation or apology. I would be annoyed but tbh I was kind of expecting them to do this 😮‍💨
#i dont NEED explanation/apology but i think its common courtesy to at least let someone know if u wanna cancel plans. not just ignore them#theyre so difficult to talk to bc theyll message and then completely ignore my reply even if its paragraphs long#and i fully respect ppl dont always have the time or energy to reply but theyll just. NEVER reply and message me again ignoring-#everything i said entirely. or chat in our group chat w other ppl and then leave when i try to join the conversation there#and they did say they wanted to call this weekend we were gonna watch a show together!!!!! and i tried following up earlier today#to say hey im looking forward to tonight what time in the evening are u free etc but theyve vanished again. sighs#if i upset them somehow or they just dont wanna hang out w me id rather they just didnt make plans in the first place#its not rly fair on me bc i have such limited free time bc i work full time. so i couldve planned to do smth else this evening instead#if theyd LET ME KNOOOOWW they werent gonna turn up... argh!#and i genuinely was looking forward to it. oh well. im gonna shower and wank and then go to bed early.. ill do smth fun tomorrow 😔#at least im watching twin peaks w my roommate on monday so i have some plans to look forward to 💔💔#w someone who might actually want to spend time w me..... jurys still out on that tho#either way i hope theyre having an ok evening even if they didnt wanna call. maybe smth genuinely came up idk#we can reschedule another time i guess.. OKAYYY showering bye#.diaries
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