#that shit. was downright TASTY

[llamagoddessofficial]

What's your favourite banana flavour?

dude I just absolutely love banana flavour. Banana is my favourite flavour and also my favourite food of all time

[thebiggerbear]

"You're safe now, I'm here." - Soldier Boy Prompt Response

Summary: Soldier Boy has been on a ton of dangerous missions in his time, fought a lot of battles, but never did he imagine he would be undertaking the one you had just tasked him with. Shit.

A/N: This is a prompt from @sydnee-kom-spacekru. A sort of sequel to the prompt response for "Sleep. I'll keep you safe." Been working on this since January 3rd. I had way too much fun with this one.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there, all of the fur baby mamas, and all those who celebrate!

@deans-spinster-witch this is what popped into my head when you said "dangerous mission" lol. Once it was in there, I couldn't get it out. I hope it's decent and that you like it.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Warnings: Soldier Boy being himself; some misogyny; some homophobic language; some antiquated thinking (SB); angst; a lot of mentions of shit (yes, literal shit); language (I guess?); some smut; mention of breeding kink; a bit of a lactation kink (I know they did the Coke and milk thing in the show but you can't tell me he wouldn't have at least been on the verge of this kink if the opportunity arose)

Word Count: 11k+

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

SB Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy

“You’re safe now, I’m here.”

SDV Leah version

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Please do not do any of the above. Thank you for your understanding.

Ben let out an aggravated sigh for what felt like the fortieth time and turned back to the table, his nose wrinkled. He glanced down and saw his daughter’s wide eyes watching him as she kicked her little legs, slobbering all over the fingers of one hand she had in her mouth. He made a face and shook his head, remembering when he told her “You’re lucky you’re cute, kid”, when she’d done the same thing about an hour before. He didn’t know what was so tasty about those fingers especially when there were other tastier options available. 

Speaking of which, you just had to pick the fucking perfect time to do your pumping shit so he would be stuck doing this shit, in the literal sense of the word. Ben thought he’d been on dangerous missions before but nothing ever made him want to retreat in the other direction more than the one he was about to embark on. The smell wafted up to him once more as the baby kicked her legs again.

“Christ, this kid fucking stinks.”

“Language!”

He rolled his eyes and glanced back over his shoulder, though he couldn’t see you. “It’s not like she understands what the fuck I’m saying!”

“Ben! We talked about this!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, turning back to his little girl. “No cursing around the baby,” he mocked you in a high voice, smirking when a small smile formed on her face.

Another wave hit him and he held a hand up to his nose. “Are you almost done in there?” He complained.

“No! I still have a little more to go.” He knew that; he could hear the machine still making its weird noises almost as if it was next to his ear. He hated and loved that thing. Hated it because it was so damn loud to his ears and it ruined a perfectly sexy image in his head when he first saw you doing it. Loved it because it was helping your body do one of the natural things it was designed to do and it also allowed him to get some one on one time with you out of the house for the occasional few hours if you could get Elena or Queen Lesbo to babysit. As a matter of fact, as harsh as the sounds were and how unsexy it was, it got him downright hard sometimes when he thought of either scenario because both brought it all back to sex for him. Either he was daydreaming about fucking another baby into you while watching you or he was thinking about how he was going to be fucking you later that evening when the two of you were alone. This time, though, it was going to be neither. 

You were getting ready to go out to have lunch with Elena, have some girl time or some shit. Whatever the fuck that meant. It certainly wasn’t what he’d been thinking the first time you mentioned it, which to him was a complete fucking wasted opportunity. He wasn’t into Elena at all or The One-Eyed Bitch Queen but he was definitely into seeing you get off. Just as long as it wasn’t another guy, he was good with it. But instead, his hopes had been dashed when your expression of disgust transformed into you pinching the bridge of your nose and explaining what girl time for you actually meant. His annoyance grew (and his nerves skyrocketed though he would never tell you that) when you mentioned he would be the one babysitting this time. He wasn’t happy but neither were you and when it came down to it, you were the victor of that argument.  

And now he had this shit on top of it, pun very much fucking intended. Needless to say, Ben was beyond done at this point.    

“Just change the diaper already,” you urged, your tone strained with the last threads of patience. “The longer she stays in her own mess, the more likely she is to get a rash and possible infection. Then she will be in pain and she’ll have to see the doctor. We don’t want that to happen. I’ve told you this time and time again and I’ve shown you how to do it. No more excuses, Ben. Just change it.”

Ben could feel his ire rising. “So you want me to do what you should be doing? I’m not the goddamn woman here!” He regretted it as soon as he said it. He heard you turn the machine off and he knew he was in for it now.

“What did you just say?” He heard you ask menacingly from the other room. Oh fuck. He knew he had about ten seconds to turn this around or the rest of the day and night were going to be shit. Worse than the actual shit he was smelling. He’d be lucky if he’d be able to sit next to you at the table later at dinner, never mind touch you again for the next few days.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, pulling a new diaper from the open package next to him and glancing down at the squirming baby in front of him. He was relieved when he heard the machine start up again and leaned over the table to lay down the law to his daughter. “Alright, look, kid, we gotta make some sort of deal here. You can’t be shitting up a storm and stinking up the place while your mother is out. Piss I can deal with. Puke, bad but doable. Shit…no fucking way.” He began to unbutton her onesie, screwing up his face in disgust as the smell slapped him in the face. “So if you really care about your old man and you want him to be happy, you’ll stop shitting all over the goddamn place. Got it?”

The baby gurgled back at him and he saw more drool coming out of her little mouth. 

Ben shook his head, giving her a sharp look. The least she could do was not look so happy about him having to do this for her. He gently pulled her legs out of the onesie as you’d shown him how to do (he ripped one too many the first week she was home) and he frowned when he saw a damp brown stain, the smell becoming even worse. He lifted her legs and as he’d suspected, the shit was fucking everywhere, having catapulted past the edge of the diaper and down her back. He briefly shut his eyes and looked away, groaning loudly, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He attempted to take a breath that didn’t smell like he was wading around in the worst shit someone ever took. Like he was that little bastard Termite and he’d shot too far off the mark. 

“Now what?” You yelled back.

“She shit everywhere! It’s all up and down her back.” He looked back down at his daughter. “Really?” Another gurgle. “Christ.”

“Yeah, because she’s been sitting in a full diaper for the last thirty minutes while you’ve been non-stop complaining about it, that’s why! Just get her cleaned up and into a new diaper, some new clothes, and then put her in her bouncy chair so you can clean the table. Or if you’re feeling adventurous, give her a bath. A bath is probably better.”

“Why don’t you come in here and fucking handle it then? I’ve told you, my sense of smell is about ten times what yours is!”

You huffed out an aggravated breath. “Because you have to learn how to take care of her, Ben! You’re her father for God’s sake. You should be able to handle one damn diaper change without being a child about it! What if I wasn’t here anymore? You’d be the one doing it all then.”

He straightened up at that, glaring back in your direction. “What do you mean if you weren’t here? Where the fuck would you go?”

“Language, Ben! Jesus!”

His jaw clenched and he turned back to grab a fresh wipe or five. He bunched them up in his hand and lifted the baby’s legs and began to wipe. There was so much shit, the wipes were filled instantly and it got onto his hand. “Fucking hell!” His daughter’s smile faded and she began to look as if she were about to cry. 

“What now?” You snapped. 

“It’s all over my goddamn hand, that’s what!” He bellowed.

“Well, wipe it off, get her cleaned up, then wash your hands.” There was no compassion in your tone, only irritation.

Ben should have shut the fuck up right then and there, and just done what you’d tasked him with. But, he was fucking done and livid at your obvious lack of sympathy. “This isn’t my fucking job! It’s yours! You should be doing this! Real men don’t change their kid’s shitty diaper! Women do!” 

The machine shut off again but this time, Ben didn’t give a fuck. He’d had it. He knew you’d be pissed at what he’d just said but too fucking bad. It was true, whether you liked it or not. No matter what today’s society had to say or not. Women were the caregivers, the nurturers or whatever the fuck he’d heard on that bald-headed doctor’s show the other day, the givers of life or some shit. Real men did their job in making the kid, being the father, and putting food on the table for his family while also providing a roof over their heads. That’s how it always worked and that’s how it should still be today. He’d done his job: he’d protected you, knocked you up with his kid, and stuck around to be its father, even after finding out it wasn’t going to be the son he’d initially hoped for. And here you were, trying to get him to fucking play Mr. Mom so you could go out for a few hours and get some girl time that wasn’t even going to reap any benefits for him after you’d left the kid with him all afternoon? No fucking way. His jaw tightened as he heard you approaching quickly. He didn’t care how pissed you were; he wasn’t backing down. 

But just then, the baby began to cry, having been scared by him yelling angrily (and probably because she was wet and uncomfortable and had been for some time now). He glanced down at her, his jaw unclenching and his features softening slightly. Fuck no. Ben could withstand a lot of shit (minus actual shit), and not a lot affected him, but his daughter’s cries? And because of him? That was his kryptonite. “No, no, no. Don’t cry, Princess. Daddy’s sorry he yelled, okay? He didn’t mean to scare you,” he quietly soothed. He went to pick her up to hold her, forgetting that she had shit all over her, and he only realized it when it dripped all down the front of his shirt and his hands and arms were covered with it as he balanced her against his chest. “Ahhh shit!” The baby began to cry louder.

You appeared, the top of your dress fixed and buttoned, a furious expression on your face. You held out your hands. “You’re safe now, I’m here,” you spat. “Give her to me.” 

Ben glared down at you. He had been spoiling for a fight a moment ago but after the baby started to cry, some of the fury went out of him, and apparently right into you it looked like. “Listen, don’t get all pissy because—”

“I said,” you snapped. “Give her to me.”

Ben shot you a look but did as you said. He watched as you got shit all over you but you didn’t even flinch. Instead, you snatched the fresh diaper from the table and unfolded it to place behind your daughter’s poop chute before grabbing the canister of fresh wipes and a towel. You didn’t even look at him as you passed by him to head into the bathroom. Fuck, he was definitely in trouble.

He grimaced down at his messy shirt and removed it, balling it up and throwing it into the baby’s laundry basket. He made his way to the open door of the bathroom, stepping in to wash his hands and forearms at the sink as he watched you in the mirror, sitting on the edge of the tub and filling it with water, the baby’s own tub inside it. You were cooing at your daughter who wasn’t crying anymore but letting out little whines that threatened to extend back into a crying jag if need be. The baby was unhappy and from the looks of it, so were you.

He dried his hands as you began to use the fresh wipes to clean your daughter. “There we go, Ellie,” you murmured. “We’re going to get you all nice and clean, okay?”

Hearing your soft-toned reassurances to the baby, Ben figured now might be as good a time as any to try to start melting away some of your anger with him. He cleared his throat. “If you want, you don’t have to use that thing. I can get in the tub with her. I have to clean up anyway.” He gestured to his bare chest but you didn’t even look up.

“I think you’ve done quite enough today, thank you,” you answered, your tone full of ice. Yeah, he was in fucking trouble. Fuck.

“Don’t be like that. I’ve told you, my sense of smell is ten times more powerful than yours. I tried and it just didn’t work out.” He crossed his arms, his jaw tight. Why would you be fucking pissed at him? He tried his best. He got shit all over for him as a result for Christ’s sake. And he only spoke the truth.

“And what the fuck do you think this is? Chocolate? Paint?” You gestured to the shitty fresh wipes sitting in the diaper and to your ruined dress. That wasn’t what stopped him short; you never cursed in front of your daughter. 

You continued to carefully clean the baby in your lap. “I told you when I found out I was pregnant that I would do it myself. You could take off and go do whatever you wanted to do after you held up your end of the deal. You could go get high, get drunk, fuck a ton of women, play at being a superhero — whatever. But no, you said you wanted to stay. Insisted on it, actually. I told you then.” You threw another freshwipe into the diaper and grabbed a clean one. “If you stay, if you really want this, then you need to be all in. Do you remember that?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I am all in.”

“You call this all in?” You gestured towards the messy baby who had her hands in her mouth, watching her mother, tears still dotting her eyes. 

Ben started to feel uncomfortable, something almost like shame itching at his skin, and he didn’t care for it. He dropped his gaze to the ground. “So I didn’t change one shitty diaper. You don’t need to make a big fucking deal over it.”

“Ben,” you seethed. “Look at me.”

He reluctantly glanced up at you, still annoyed. 

“She’s your daughter and she can’t do these things for herself right now. Sometimes it’s going to be messy and sometimes it’s going to smell so bad you gag. And yeah, sometimes it’s going to make you uncomfortable, but you push through all of that because you’re her father and you love her no matter what. Because you want to take care of her, to make sure she is healthy and happy every single day. She’s our responsibility for the rest of our lives. It’s no longer about you, me, or anyone else. It’s about her. Just her. That’s it.”

He unclenched his jaw, hearing the seriousness of what you were saying, the truth he didn’t want to think about underlying your very words. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his daughter, he did, but why were you so insistent on giving him the dirty work? You knew how he felt about doing this type of shit. Not to mention, it felt like you were trying to shame him for not wanting to change one fucking diaper, like you were implying that he wasn’t a good father if he didn’t waltz into the nursery, smiling and eager to do it. He was a good father and a damn good provider. If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t even have this place to call home. He was the one who sacrificed and played nice with the old bitch and Butcher. Hell, If it wasn’t for him, neither of you would even be here right now! 

Ben hated himself when he had that thought. What the fuck was wrong with him? But since he didn’t want to look at that too closely, instead he turned it back on you. 

“I don’t need you lecturing me on how to be a father. I am a good father, goddammit! Hell, I’m a better father than my old man ever was. I provide for her and you every single day. I gave up everything to protect you, be with you, and be there to take care of my kid. Which is a lot fucking more than some of the other dames I’ve knocked up over the years can say. I put my life on the line for you both! And this is the thanks I get? Because I didn’t change one shitty fucking diaper?” He scoffed. “You are one ungrateful bitch.”

Your eyes widened slightly and Ben regretted his words the moment they flew out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say those things, not to you.

Your eyes dropped to your daughter in your lap who was staring back up at you. You nodded and after a moment, you scowled up at him. “Well, since we’re such a burden and keeping you from your great life…don’t let the door hit you on your misogynistic and spoiled ass on the way out.” He could see your eyes shimmering but he could also see the absolute fury and ice daggers you were shooting him with, too. He knew then just how badly he had fucked up. 

“Y/N, I—”

“I mean it. Get your shit and leave. I’ll do this alone just like I planned to all along anyway. There you go, you’re free. No more nagging from this ungrateful bitch, no more having to act like you give a shit about either of us, no more being weighed down. You’re free to go and get fucked up and drink all you want, Soldier Boy. Go knock up some more dames and then leave them to raise those kids all on their own, too. You know, like a real man does.” If your glare could kill alone, Ben would be six feet under right now, the one thing that could end him that the Ivans never found out about. 

You placed your daughter in her little tub and stormed over to him, shoving him out the door. You couldn’t really move him but he was so caught off guard at your outburst, your words, that he moved where you pushed him. “And best of all, no more shitty fucking diapers!” You slammed the bathroom door in his face and locked the door, knowing it wouldn’t keep him out if he wanted in, but the message was clear. You were done and you were willing to go it alone; you didn’t need him and you had enough of his bullshit. He’d not only heard it in your voice, your words, but he’d also seen it in your eyes. That hurt way more than he ever thought it would.

He stood there staring at the door, stunned. His daughter began to cry and he heard you soothe her with “Shhh, it’s okay, sweetness. Mommy’s here. We’re going to get you all cleaned up and feeling better in no time. Don’t you worry, Ellie.” You began to coo to her as you bathed her and before long, she was making happy noises again. You’d even made her laugh once.

Ben stood there, not feeling right about what just happened or that his family was on the other side of the door. He could break it down if he wanted to, you both knew that, but he wouldn’t. Nor would he break the lock to get in. He knew he had let his irritation get the best of him and he’d said some things that he couldn’t take back, no matter how he might try to apologize now. Why the fuck had he said those things, anyway? 

He loved the life you had now (minus the shitty diapers obviously) and the family you’d started to build. Hell, he loved you, something he hadn’t ever really felt before for a woman other than his mother. He thought he’d felt it once with Crimson Countess but he’d been wrong. What he thought he felt for her paled in comparison to what he actually felt for you. Not just for having his kid but also for loving him and not the suit. Yes, you’d gone to him for protection and yes, he’d done his best to take advantage of that fact, but something genuine formed between the two of you. Before long, he wasn’t just protecting you to hold up his end of the deal, he was also protecting you because he couldn’t bear to lose you. He was over a century old and he had never come across someone like you before, someone who actually saw worth in him as something more than a quick lay or a celebrity or a supe. Someone who worried for him when he left your sight or took on one of your would-be assailants. Someone who actually wanted to build a life with him — with him, not Soldier Boy. 

So why the fuck had he said those things? He knew why. You had made him feel ashamed that he hadn’t gotten the job done, that he hadn’t completed the one mission you’d given him and you hadn’t even left the house yet. You’d had to come in and rescue him, do the task instead, and you hadn’t balked or even thought twice about it.

You were softly singing to Ellie and he could hear a couple of breaks in your voice, betraying how upset you really were though you were trying to hide it for your daughter’s sake. 

Ben hung his head in shame when he heard you get choked up and stop for a moment, sniffling, before you started back up again. He threw on a fresh shirt and got to work cleaning the shit from the changing pad and this time, he didn’t complain.

Ben watched as you carried the baby into the room, still not looking at him. You saw that the table was clean and moved over to place your daughter on it, grabbing the clean onesie he’d set aside and began to dress her. “You’re still here?” You bit out though he could detect a hint of genuine surprise there, too. 

“Still here,” he murmured, hoping you would hear how sorry he was without him having to say it.

You finished buttoning up the onesie and popped the pacifier into Ellie’s mouth that he’d left out for you. “Think you can manage to watch her while I take a ten minute shower?”

“Since when do you take ten minute showers?” He’d meant it as a teasing question, to try to lighten the mood a little, but you turned a glare onto him, beginning to unbutton the top of your dress. 

“Forget it. I’ll put her in her bouncy seat and bring her in with me. You can go.” You went to pick up the baby when he held his hands out.

“I can watch her. Go take your shower.”

He could see the clear distrust in your eyes but you handed him your daughter nonetheless but not before you kissed her head. “Mommy will be right back, Ellie,” you whispered, stroking her back. You glanced up at him, unsure, but then turned to make your way to the bathroom, continuing to undo the fastenings on your dress. He let out a huge sigh when he heard the door snick closed and the shower start up.

“Daddy’s in big trouble, Princess,” he murmured to Ellie. She gazed up at him, going to town on her pacifier, her brows drawing together slightly from the effort. He smiled and dropped a kiss down on her little forehead. “That’s one thing you have in common with your old man. We love the nipples.” He chuckled under his breath, imagining just how hard you would roll your eyes and swat at his shoulder if you heard that. But instead, he heard a much more heartbreaking sound from you. You were crying…in the shower. Fuck. 

At that moment, he heard a car slowing down and pulling into the driveway. One glance out the window confirmed it was Elena. In the midst of all this, he’d forgotten you had plans for the day. Just then, he got an idea and hurried towards the front door. He had just reached it by the time Elena was about to push the doorbell. He whipped it open, making her jump in surprise. After she saw it was Ben with the baby in tow, she recovered quickly. “Oh, hey Ben. Is Y/N ready yet? Hi, Ellie.” She gave a tiny wave to your daughter, smiling.

“Uh, not yet. She’s in the shower. Hey, can you watch Ellie for a few? I’ve got something I need to do and I can’t take her with me.”

Elena seemed uncertain for a moment, studying him as if she were wondering what he was about to do, but then relented with a shrug. “Sure.” He opened the door wider for her to come in and once she had put her coat and purse on a chair, he handed Ellie over to her. 

“Thanks. Be right back, Princess.” He stroked the back of the baby’s head with his fingers before hurrying out of the room, intent on doing whatever he had to in order to make things right.

Ben quietly slipped into the bathroom, undressed, and snuck into the shower behind you. You had stopped crying after the doorbell sounded so you most likely knew Elena was here and waiting. You were rubbing suds-covered hands all over the front of your body. 

While you cleaned your front, Ben’s eyes roamed over your back. He was already predictably hard, just seeing you naked. You had the perfect ass and even though you still had some baby weight that you were trying to lose, in his eyes, you were fucking gorgeous. You had mournfully admitted a couple of weeks ago that your stomach was soft and you were embarrassed by the visible stretch marks and your wider hips, not to mention the few pounds sticking around. Your breasts were bigger (something he didn’t see as a problem), the areolas darker than ever before, and you were feeling a bit insecure about your new shape. He loved the new you, which he made sure to tell you over and over as he fucked you that night. You were the mother of his kid, you’d given birth to her, nourished her from your body, and you could give him even more. It endlessly fascinated him that his seed had taken root in you and a healthy child grew from it, one that was half you and half him. He’d literally fucked a baby into you and every time he saw you like this, he wanted to do it again (though you’d told him your body needed at least a year or two to recuperate before you could even entertain the idea of another pregnancy). You looked so fucking gorgeous carrying his kid and now, you were even more beautiful if that was possible. It was pure beauty that he saw when you breastfed his daughter, when you smiled down at her, talked to her, and rocked her to sleep. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t want you, on your back (or your hands and knees, he wasn’t picky), taking load after load from him until he knocked you up once more. 

So he had been dumbfounded and almost incredulous when you nervously admitted all of this to him, implying that maybe he didn’t find you attractive anymore and maybe he’d prefer a flat-stomached, tighter, younger, free-to-bang-all-day woman instead. That or some old lady. He’d fucked that notion right out of your head.

But now as he stepped toward you, not only was he incredibly turned on by you and how beautiful he still thought you were, but he also realized right then, just like he had many times before this moment, you were the only one he wanted. He wrapped his arms around you and pressed a kiss to your wet shoulder.

You let out a small gasp in surprise. “Where’s Ellie?”

“Elena’s got her.” 

“Well, I’m not doing anything with you in this shower so you might as well get out,” you snapped and attempted to wriggle out of his embrace. When you couldn’t, you huffed out an aggravated breath and went back to rubbing soap over your skin. 

He nosed your wet hair out of the way to get closer to your ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never should’ve said that shit.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” you muttered, gliding soap down your arms. 

“I love you,” he murmured to the skin of your neck before dropping a kiss. “I love my little princess.” Another kiss. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really? Because it sounds like you want to be somewhere else.”

“No, I don’t,” he assured. “I told you when I knocked you up. You two are it for me.”

You slowed down your movements and he took the opportunity to hug you a little tighter, burying his nose underneath your jaw. “I mean it, doll. This is right where I want to be.” He slowly ground his erection into the small of your back to also illustrate his point. He meant every fucking word; with you, around you, in you — there was no other place he’d rather be. 

You attempted to turn around in his arms and he loosened his grip so you could. He nearly let out a soft groan at the feel of your soap-slicked skin sliding against his dick. You stared up into his eyes and the smirk that formed on his face was beyond dirty, thinking you two were about to get to the fun part, your argument a thing of the past when you cupped his bearded cheeks in your suds-covered hands. 

“Ben,” you whispered. “I need to know that if something happens to me…that you’ve got this with Ellie.”

Ben’s grin morphed into a frown and his brows furrowed. “What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean if something happens to you?”

Your eyes began to glisten and his heart dropped inside his chest. What the fuck hadn’t you told him?

“Did some cocksucker threaten you?” He growled menacingly, the rage he worked so hard to tamp down for yours and Ellie’s sakes was attempting to breach the surface at the thought of someone even thinking about hurting you. Mallory had said you’d be safe here; had the old bitch lied?

You shook your head and that only helped to quell the fire burning deep within slightly. A light appeared on your face and you glanced down as it got brighter, eyes wide in fear. “Your chest is glowing. Ben, stop! You need to calm down.” 

He took deep breaths as he’d learned to do, telling himself that you were here in his arms, right now, and you were safe. You were not in any danger. Hearing the sounds of his daughter a few rooms away helped him to get this fucking thing inside of him under control. He hated it, hated what the Reds had done to him, but it was now forever a part of him. He would do whatever it took to keep you both safe, even from this goddamn weapon inside his chest.

When you met his eyes again, there was no more light, no more glow lighting up your face from below. You lifted yourself up on your toes and brushed your lips against his. “Thank you,” you whispered. 

Ben nodded and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you up against him. He nuzzled you, feeling much calmer than he had a few moments before, but he still saw the same worry in your gaze that he’d seen before his inner nuke started to fire up. “Talk to me,” he implored.

You pressed your lips together and briefly looked away and he knew you didn’t really want to say what you were about to. It made him incredibly nervous. While you two had argued before and you’d told him to go when he was being an ass…what if what you meant was that you wanted out of this? Fear immediately took hold of him — fear of losing you, fear of losing Ellie, and all because he’d been a stupid fuck who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. You both were the two best things that had ever happened to him since being injected with Compound V. He didn’t want to go back to before. He only wanted now and the two of you. Hell, he wanted to keep creating a family with you, the family he’d always desired but never had. What had seemed within his grasp just hours ago now seemed to be getting further and further away. 

That thought had him speaking — no, downright begging. Soldier Boy begging…only for you. “Look, I know I’ve been a dick and I said some really fucked up shit earlier but I didn’t—”

You gently placed your fingers against his lips, effectively stopping him. You stared up at him sadly and that fear kicked into high gear. Fuck, he was losing you. And all because he hadn’t been able to keep his goddamn mouth shut or change one fucking dirty diaper. He’d fucking failed and now he was going to lose you and that dream he wanted to realize with you all in one swoop. All because he really was America’s Asshole.

But when you finally spoke, you said the last thing he expected. “I spent months running from Vought’s death squads before I found you. Even with you protecting me, even after I got pregnant, I was still in danger because they wanted me dead.” Your voice broke on the last word, betraying the tears that were imminent, along with the shimmering in your eyes getting worse.

His brows drew together in concern but he gently grasped your chin, making sure that you not only continued looking at him but that you heard every word he was about to say. “But you’re safe now,” he murmured. “Vought’s gone, Edgar and Homelander are dead…I would never let anything happen to you.”

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. “I know, but I keep thinking what if something goes wrong? What if one of the supes out there finds us? What if they get wind that I’m still alive? What if the surviving board members decide that I’m still a liability?”

He shook his head, moving his thumb up to stroke your cheek reassuringly. “No one survived. I made sure of it.” He placed his forehead down onto yours. “I promised I’d keep you safe, you both safe, and I did.” Ben tenderly rubbed his nose along yours. “Still do.” 

He was slightly relieved that you weren’t thinking of leaving him but also unhappy that you had still been worrying about this all of this time and he hadn’t had a clue. He was going to do whatever it took to reassure you, to remind you that you were safe and that you no longer needed to worry about any of those pricks that you’d had to run from before. He still remembered the nightmares you’d had, the jumps and startles in the middle of the night at the slightest sound. Eventually, it prompted him to hold you when you went to bed, promising to keep you safe so you could get some sleep while he kept watch. You would finally relax in his arms and close your eyes, content to listen to his strong heartbeat underneath your ear, knowing you were indeed protected.   

Sure, you’d kept your end of the deal and let him fuck you once you’d gotten some rest from running nonstop, but instead of getting bored like he usually did after hitting the same pussy a couple of different times, he’d actually started to like you. So he’d kept you close while he turned the hunt around to make Onehander, Edgar, and all of those assholes the prey instead. When he found out you were carrying his kid, he decided he’d do whatever it took to make you both safe and even ended up teaming up with the Brit and his team again, though he still didn’t trust them. Hell, he’d even made a deal with them to settle in this area and get you this house when you’d told him you wanted a home for your child to grow safely up in, to put down roots. He’d put up with your nearby neighbors, with having to see the One-Eyed-WonderBitch again, and shifting from the Supe life to suburban life (which was not an easy transition for him by any means). He did it all for you…for you and Ellie and the family you had chosen to have with him.

So to see now that after everything, you still didn’t feel completely safe, well…that bothered him. What kind of man had he been for you to keep feeling scared that Vought might come back at any moment to haunt you? He’d never given you details of the day that he’d annihilated them all for you because he knew you didn’t want them, but maybe he should have. If he had, maybe that would’ve helped to allay your fears of any possible reprisals.   

“I know you do,” you broke into his thoughts. “But…what if something else happens? What if I get sick or get hit by a car or I have an accident and fall or I have a medical emergency that could be fatal or—”

“Hey,” he interrupted your rambling. “You’re spiraling.” Something you’d done quite a bit when you first met. His heart sunk at the thought; this had gotten to that point and he hadn’t had one goddamn clue. He’d been so wrapped up in you and Ellie and the life you were building that he hadn’t even seen it. Maybe his father had been right; he was a fuck up. An assertion by the old man that you’d unknowingly been dismantling every single day with how much you loved and believed in Ben, but now…now he felt as if he didn’t deserve you. He watched more tears spill down your cheeks and he knew he definitely didn’t; here was the proof.

“I know,” you sobbed. “I’m sorry. I just…” You took in a ragged breath and looked into his eyes, your bottom lip starting to wobble. “I need to know that if something happens to me, that you’ll take care of Ellie the way she needs to be taken care of. If I’m gone, she’s going to need you and I need to know that she’ll be okay.”

He tried his best not to be insulted, not to show it for your sake so he wouldn’t upset you anymore than you already were, but it stung his ego a bit. “Of course, she would be okay. I’ve kept her safe this long, haven’t I?”

“I’m not just talking about safety, Ben. I’m talking about you actually taking care of her. Not just providing for her, but actually being there for her whenever she needs you. Like the diaper change I asked you to do today. Is it disgusting? Sure. No one likes dealing with it, smelling shit, getting it all over you…but she’s your daughter and she needed you to take care of it for her. What if I had gone for breakfast with Elena instead? Would she have sat in her own crap until I came back home because you feel as a man that it’s beneath you to change your own daughter’s diaper?” More tears appeared. “What if something had happened to me while I was out? Would you just push Ellie onto Elena and Maggie to take care of her so you could go back to your old life? All so you wouldn’t have to do any of the messy or hard stuff? Would you abandon her just like that?”

“Of course not,” he snapped, his consideration for you now forgotten in the face of what you’d said. “How the fuck could you even think I would do something like that? Haven’t I been here through everything like I fucking said I would be?”

“Yes, but I’ve been doing everything!” The words burst out of you. “At first, you didn’t want to feed her, burp her, bathe her — any of it! And I did it all! Why? Because that was supposed to be the woman’s job you’d said!”

Ben could feel his temper flaring at you bringing that up. You were also intimating that he didn’t do anything for your daughter. Were you blind to all of the effort he had put in to help you raise Ellie since that fight you’d had a couple of weeks after she’d been born? Didn’t you realize that most mornings you woke up well rested was because he’d gotten up with the baby in the middle of the night so you wouldn’t have to? And you were still holding that shit over his head? What the fuck was wrong with you? “That was the way it was back then,” he growled out. “I told you that! And I’ve been doing all of that shit you just mentioned since then! So I didn’t change one shitty diaper today! I said I was sorry! When are you going to fucking let it go?”

Instead of responding, you exploded into more sobs and shame churned in his gut. He really fucking hated seeing either of his girls cry. It made him want to beat the ever loving shit out of some son of a bitch. Even if he happened to be said son of a bitch sometimes. 

“Christ,” he muttered. “C’mere.” He pulled you to him and you held onto him tightly, crying into his neck. His hand slid down your back in a tender caress and he pressed his lips to your hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to you.

He kept you in his arms, hoisted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist, and let you get it all out. He even shut the water off, knowing the temperature had vastly cooled in the amount of time he’d been in there with you so far. He vaguely recalled his plan from earlier to join you, apologize for what he’d said during your argument, and begin making up with you. That obviously had gone to shit; there would be no making up happening now, that was for sure. And if anything would get his dick to go soft with you naked against him, it was the sound of you crying. 

Once your sobs quieted down and turned into ragged inhales and a few sniffles here and there, he moved your hair out of the way so he could see you. “Better?”

You nodded, sniffling as you looked up at him. “Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s get you out of this tub then and get you dried off.” He placed a kiss on your forehead and went to open the shower curtain.

“Ben?”

He froze and turned to look at you. 

You lifted your head, letting out another sniffle. “I’m sorry, too.” Before he could say anything, you continued. “I know you’ve been trying and you’ve been doing everything I asked you to with Ellie. I just…I freaked out about the diaper thing.” You wiped at your face. “Because it just brought back that worry, that fear I have of what would happen to her if I wasn’t here.” Your voice wobbled slightly but you forged ahead anyway. “You know, I wasn’t scared like this when I was being hunted down. I mean, I was, but not like this. Back then, I only had myself to worry about. And then when I got pregnant, sure, I was a little more scared but I also knew you’d keep us safe.” You took another ragged breath in. “But ever since she’s been born, I have been absolutely terrified. That something might happen to her, to me…to her if something does happen to me. I’m so fucking scared, Ben.” Your voice broke then, prompting fresh tears to roll down your cheeks.

Ben had been insulted before, almost as if you hadn’t believed in him or his ability to keep either of you safe, but now as he listened to your heartfelt explanation, he realized it wasn’t really about any of that. It didn’t really have anything to do with him, except that you wanted him to be ready to care for your daughter if something ever happened to you. That unpleasant tug inside his gut happened once more when you finally confessed just how scared you were. He thought back over the last few months since Ellie had been born. Your push for him to be more involved; your fighting with him over his antiquated mindset as you’d called it over his ideas of what fatherhood entailed; your rushing him during your sexual escapades the few times he’d managed to get you away from the house while Elena watched the baby no matter how much it pissed him off that he couldn’t take his time with you like he wanted; your insistence that he watch Ellie while you go to lunch with your friend; your anger today at his refusal to deal with the shitty diaper situation — all of it suddenly clicked into place for him and made sense. Fuck, he didn’t think it was possible for him to feel any worse. He had completely failed you on all fronts. He had been the blind one; he’d never seen what was going on with you when it was right in front of him this whole time. Christ on a cross.

He gripped your chin gently. “Look at me.” You reluctantly met his gaze, yours glistening with fresh tears, and he could see the fear there plain as day. Fuck, how had he missed it all of this time? But instead of focusing on that, he sought to reassure you. “You and Ellie are safe. Nothing is going to happen. I would never let anyone hurt you. Either of you. I love you both too fucking much.” He grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped at his words. “And if it’s something that’s going to make you feel better, then let’s sit down and make a plan in case anything were to happen to you. Or even if I bit it. I want both of my girls to be taken care of, even if I can’t be here to do it myself.” You gave him a tearful smile. “So, let’s do that and kick this fear in its fucking ass. Sound good, doll?”

You nodded and leaned in, kissing him and making him smile. He’d been able to make you feel better after all and he felt damn proud of himself for being able to do so. “I love you,” you whispered.

He fucking loved hearing those three words from you every single time you said them; he knew you fucking meant it. And so did he. “I love you, too, baby.” When you beamed at him, another tugging sensation happened in his chest but this time, it was a far more pleasant one. He pecked your lips and opened the curtain. “Alright, let’s get you out of here.”

Before he could take a step out of the tub, you reached up and yanked the curtain closed, making his brows furrow. Your smile suddenly transformed into a devilish smirk. Immediately, he could feel his dick hardening again. He knew what that smirk meant. “We didn’t make up yet,” you murmured, starting to rub your body against his. “And we always make up after we fight.” 

Ben felt the stiff peaks of your nipples gliding across his skin and his mouth practically watered at the thought of sucking on them while he rammed into you repeatedly. Fuck, he loved your tits. There had been a time after Ellie was born where you’d pushed his head away anytime he tried to get his mouth on them while he was fucking you, complaining that they were too sensitive due to all of the feedings. But recently, he’d been able to start that up again without causing you discomfort and once, he had even gotten a tiny amount of milk squirted into his mouth by accident. It had been surprising for him, embarrassing for you, but it had turned out to be a major turn on. He found he didn’t mind the taste and the idea of him drinking you down, you shooting something into his mouth for once and him needing to be the one to swallow, that made him hornier than he’d ever been in his life. He’d fucked a lot of women in his time, sometimes high, sometimes sober; he’d done things that made most people blush to hear about or uncomfortable to imagine, some things which you flat out refused to do. He’d founded Herogasm and had marathon fucks that were legendary. He’d hosted orgies where he would be the only one left standing, having never tired out and still raring to go when everyone else was down for the count. And yet, when you’d unintentionally squirted the smallest bit of milk into his mouth, his dick had gotten so hard, he was shocked it hadn’t exploded right there. Well…it did, but not the way he’d originally been thinking. He’d greedily swallowed you down and kept sucking, even through the first load of cum he’d shot into you in reaction to that fucking hot as hell moment. From that point on, while he knew your breastmilk was Ellie’s main food source and he loved that, his daughter had to learn to fucking share. 

That was another reason why he had such a love/hate relationship with the breast pump machine you had. When he would watch the milk fill the bottle, he didn’t know whether to cry, jerk off, fuck you, or just watch. Sometimes he even wished you’d get rid of the contraption and just let him help you; it could be a rewarding experience for you both while you made sure Ellie had plenty to eat. 

Your smirk grew, almost as if you knew where his thoughts had gone, and you ghosted your lips over his. “Ben,” you called to him in a teasing singsong voice. “I said, we always make up after fighting.”

He could feel something wet moving against his abdomen as you attempted to roll your hips, knowing it had nothing to do with your recent shower, and he ground out, “Yeah, we fucking do” before he slammed his mouth against yours in a bruising kiss that was all tongue and teeth. He turned around and carefully pushed you up against the tiled wall, making sure not to break it or you. It wasn’t long before he was inside you, his hips pushing into you at a steady pace, his mouth suckling at you and your fingers in his hair, tugging roughly, as you muffled your moans with your other hand. Neither of you had forgotten that Elena was within earshot; Ben just didn’t give a fuck. He snatched your hand away from your mouth, gruffed out a command of “Let me fucking hear you”, and he didn’t give two shits who heard the fucking hot soundtrack of your making up. Instead, as you cried out your pleasure for the world to hear, he went back to your incredible rack, focusing on filling up on you while he worked towards filling you up. The thought of any fear or resentment from your earlier argument was long gone as you both chased your highs at lightning speed. The only words said between you were dirty or full of love. And even when you both had been forced to take a mostly cold shower afterwards to clean up once you both had caught your breath, only smiles, tender touches, and kisses had been exchanged along with a few laughs, both of you completely sated. Well, you were; Ben would never get enough of you and he planned to try to fuck you again later after the baby had fallen asleep.

But as for right now, seeing the bright smile on your face as he carefully wrapped a towel around you, the weight visibly lighter on your shoulders since you confessed your fears to him, he was determined to do whatever it took to not only make you feel safe but also to keep you feeling this way and being this happy. 

When you’d laughed at something he’d said, darted forward to kiss him, and wrapped your arms around his neck, his embrace tightened around you and he kissed the juncture in between your neck and shoulder, making you that silent promise. Whatever it took to make you feel safe again, he’d do it.

Elena glanced up to see you and Ben stepping into the living room, both dressed and looking refreshed. You had been missing in action for at least an hour and forty-five minutes. Elena already had an idea what you two had been doing considering everything she’d heard. Maggie had even heard when she called to check in and see when Elena would be returning home, beyond disgusted at the sounds Soldier Boy was making as he railed you in the shower. She’d told Elena to call her when she was done babysitting so the archaic asshole could get laid and promptly hung up. But even if Elena hadn’t heard what you’d been up to, she would have immediately known after seeing you both. Ben’s hair was still damp and yours was freshly blown out. Both of you were touching, unable to keep your hands off of each other and sporting matching grins, looking like practical newlyweds. Ben’s hand moved to the small of your back and both of you suddenly smiled wide upon seeing your daughter.

“Thank you for watching her and for waiting.” Your cheeks turned a shade of pink but you held out your arms. Elena was only too happy to hand you your baby back. “There she is,” you cooed, pressing a loud kiss to Ellie’s cheek. “Were you a good girl for your Aunt Elena?”

“She was a very good girl,” Elena confirmed, watching as Ben strode over and stopped next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you against him, his eyes centered on both of his girls with an affectionate smile to match. Sometimes Maggie still had trouble believing it, that Soldier Boy had been domesticated as she put it, but Elena never doubted how important you and Ellie were to him. She could see it every time he looked at you, at your little girl, and she actually thought it was beyond sweet. She had even said as much to which Maggie had rolled her eyes, muttered “Whatever, I’m going to vomit”, and walked away from the door while Elena waited to greet the three of you after she had extended a dinner invitation to your family one night. As expected Ben and Maggie didn’t get along too well, especially given their history, but the former seemed to be okay with Elena and she was okay with him because she knew how much he meant to you. And Maggie didn’t seem to mind you all that much, either. So you all somehow made the nearby neighbor thing work; for yours, Elena’s, and Ellie’s sakes if for nothing else. 

“She did get a little fussy, though, so I fed her one of the bottles you had in the fridge.”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead, briefly glancing at the clock on the mantle. “It’s about that time. Thank you so much for doing that. I’m sorry that we missed lunch.” You blushed once more when Ben let out a quiet chuckle.

“No problem,” Elena dismissed with a smile and a wave of her hand. “I’m glad everything seems to be okay. Ben looked a little worried when I got here.”

You glanced up at him, your brows arching in surprise. Ben shrugged, seeming unbothered at this observation.

“We can maybe shoot for next week if you’re game,” Elena offered. 

You went to answer when Ben cut you off. “Actually, why don’t you guys still go and grab a late lunch or something? Elena’s already here and you both are dressed to the nines.”

Your eyes widened when you looked over at your husband, worry lining your expression for a moment. “No, that’s—it’s too late. By the time we’d get home, it would probably be dinner time.” You let out a nervous sounding laugh. “Besides, Ellie’s going to need to feed before then and I—”

“You pumped earlier, right? I can feed her.”

You seemed unsure, biting your lip. “I did, but I’m not sure—”

Ben released you and held out his hands, smiling reassuringly at you. “It’s settled. You go. Ellie and I have got this. Don’t we, Princess?” The baby had her fingers in her mouth, drooling everywhere. Elena saw Ben shake his head, seeming amused.

You glanced down at your daughter, the happiness from before replaced by uncertainty. Elena knew you struggled to leave Ellie the first few times she’d babysat for you both to have some time to yourselves. It wasn’t surprising; you were a new mother after all. But this time, you seemed even more reluctant than usual. 

“Hey,” Ben softly called to you, prompting you to meet his gaze. “Remember what we talked about. We’re going to be fine. I’ve got her.”

It was moments like this that convinced Elena of your importance to him. If Maggie ever witnessed them, she was sure her girlfriend would reluctantly agree. Never had Elena ever heard him speak that gently to anyone, even his own daughter. Not when she and Maggie were in earshot anyway. 

Ben gave you a meaningful look and after glancing down at Ellie one more time, you eventually handed your daughter over to her father. “There’s my girl.” He leaned down to kiss the baby’s forehead. 

You watched, anxiety still apparent in your expression.“Ben, are you su—”

He immediately darted forward to kiss you, cutting you off. Elena had the grace to look away and give you two a moment.

“We’ll be fine,” she heard Ben murmur to you. “I’ve got this. I promise, baby. Go have your girl time and then come home. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“You’re absolutely sure?” You checked one last time.

“Of course I fucking am.”

“Language,” you chided.

Elena glanced over and found Ben smirking down at you, leaning closer. “You didn’t seem to mind my language earlier.” As expected, your cheeks reddened and he barked out a laugh, kissing one of them. “Alright, go have fun and we’ll see you later.” Then he leaned in to whisper something to you that couldn’t be heard and your jaw dropped, gently swatting at his hip since he was holding Ellie in both arms. He laughed and moved away, his gaze a little darker than before as it stayed fixed on you.

You kissed Ellie’s head and stroked her cheek, smiling. “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Be good for your daddy, okay? I love you.” Ellie gurgled and you smiled wider, leaning up to kiss Ben goodbye who immediately deepened it.

Elena was on the verge of looking away again when you pulled back, panting, and glared up at the smirking man in front of you. “You know, for someone who’s trying to get me to leave, you’re doing a miserable job.”

“Just giving you a little preview for later.” The stare between you two was so intense that it felt as if any unfortunate bystanders would suddenly burst into flames just from being too close. This time, Elena was the one nearly blushing. She would have never believed you two had just been having sex if she hadn’t heard it for herself. You both looked hungry and not for any late lunch. 

You leaned in, as if to kiss him again, when you reached up and planted a kiss on his brow instead, smirking as you backed away. “Until then, Benjamin,” you snarked, turning to leave. “Love you.” You let out a yelp a moment later when Ben swatted your ass with a free hand as you passed. 

You shot another glare at him and he simply smirked. “Love you, too, doll.” 

Elena gently pulled you towards the door, thinking if she didn’t get you out of the house soon, you definitely weren’t going to leave at all. Or more like Soldier Boy wasn’t going to let you leave. Not with the way his eyes were unashamedly glued to your ass.

You waved one last time in your family’s direction. “Bye, Ellie. See you soon, babygirl.”

Ben picked up Ellie’s little hand and simulated a wave, making you smile. 

Once Elena had you in the car and backed out of your driveway, she could see the earlier uncertainty returning. “So, what’s going on? First, Ben looked worried and now you. Something I should know about?”

You bit your lip and seemed to be mulling over whether to tell her or not. Elena gave you a moment to yourself to decide. Eventually you turned to look at her and sighed. “Okay.” You then proceeded to fill Elena in on everything you’d been feeling since your daughter had been born, everything you’d just told Ben.

Ben watched as you and Elena got into the car and left. He knew you would be worried but he was determined not to give you any reason to be. He meant it when he told you he had this. He wanted you to know that he could look after Ellie the way she needed looking after, which is why he insisted that you still go out to eat with Elena. He was going to make damn sure he passed this test and he was keeping his promise to you, that he would make you feel safe again. And if that meant he had to play Mr. Mom and change a few shitty diapers while you were gone, then so be it. 

Once the car disappeared, he let out a sigh and turned to look down at his daughter. She was staring up at him with those beautiful eyes that reminded him so often of his mother’s, though absent of any of the heartbreak she had endured in her life with his father. That was why when you asked about possible names for your daughter after you’d given birth, he’d mentioned Eleanor to bestow upon her. You’d loved it, especially after Ben had explained the significance of the name to you, and so your daughter was named after her grandmother, though you both had ended up calling her Ellie for short most of the time. 

He gave his little girl a smile. “We’ve got the place to ourselves, kiddo. We can do whatever we want. What does my princess want to do, hmm?”

Ellie gurgled and he nodded as if he understood.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Let your old man show you his movies so you can see when he was a star. Good thinking, babygirl.” He chuckled when she gurgled again and turned to head into the living room. 

Just then, he heard the sounds he had been hoping like hell that he wouldn’t hear until you were back. Ellie began to grunt, a few short farts sounded, and an almost undetectable thud was heard as shit landed in her diaper. Sure enough, a moment later, the smell wafted up and smacked him in the face. The smell was beyond terrible, something you had told him previously couldn’t be the case since it was known that the poop of breastfed babies didn’t smell as bad as other poop. He’d looked at you then with disbelief; how the hell did you not smell it when you were wiping the kid’s ass? Then again, thanks to his super-powered nose, you wouldn’t detect what he would. Like right now. It was fucking awful, like sour milk mixed with shit. Christ.

“Ugh.” He extended his arms and held Ellie out, away from him. He should’ve known this would fucking happen. It was just his luck. “You know, kid, for such a small thing, you sure shit a lot.” Ellie continued to make happy noises as if she hadn’t just taken a massive shit that was rapidly stinking up the room. Ben pulled her closer, his face screwed up in disgust as the smell got closer, too. “You are way too happy for someone who just shit their pants for the second time today.” 

He glanced around, almost as if you would somehow come flying around the corner to help, or Queen Lesbo might show up out of the blue or something. Nope, this was all on him. He remembered your words from earlier, how he needed to know how to care for Ellie which included shitty diaper changes, and he let out a huge defeated sigh. “Fuck.”

Ben cradled Ellie in the crook of his arm, relieved there were no damp spots on her back this time, and turned to make his way to her nursery. “You know something, kid, if the day should ever come that I’m in diapers, you better fucking change ‘em without any complaints. I don’t want to hear a damn word out of you then, got it?”

Ellie made more happy noises and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” A small smile slipped onto his face and he lifted her up to his shoulder, kissing her cheek. “You’re lucky Daddy loves you, Princess.”

Almost as if she’d understood his words, she gave him a wide toothless smile, drooling onto his shirt. Instead of being disgusted, he chuckled and continued his trek. She’d unknowingly just given him a perfect excuse to change when you got home and entice you to get another shower in later. Thinking along that same line, feeling proud that this was now something he could do for you and for his daughter, something that would help you to feel better overall…well, he found now that he didn’t mind the idea of any shitty diaper changes all that much.

A/N: Please let me know what you think. 😊

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hello again everyone i'm putting on my tinfoil jester hat & passing out Hefty grains of salt. its batshit theory time!

in short: i think Julie is gonna get violent & might end up killing someone - or she'll at least try. and i'm pretty sure something terrible is gonna happen to her.

in long: hoo boy. strap in

first off, i'd like to say that i love womens' wrongs And rights! all of this is said with utmost affection & respect for Julie. i love it when characters do terrible things, its interesting and so tasty for the story and their development <3

second disclaimer: most of this is just based off of what we have / know as of now. which is, admittedly, not much! so despite having short arms, i may be reaching very far! i'll get the based-on-knowledge part of my thoughts out of the way before getting into the more abstract I'm Just Making Shit Up At This Point part (educated guessing, yk yk!)

not sure where to start so i'll begin with what starting this line of thinking - flower symbolism. I've gone a little bit into it in a previous post from a while back (where i just made observations about the neighborhood map), but i'll restate the relevant parts. there are two flowers in the neighborhood with greek myths attached, and similar ones at that: the hyacinths outside of the Post Office, and the sunflowers outside of Frank's house.

most people know the hyacinth myth! Apollo, while playing metal frizbee with his (male) mortal lover Hyacinthus, Apollo's thrown discus bounced off of the ground and accidentally hit Hyacinthus in the head, killing him - then Apollo turned the spilled blood into the hyacinth flower. in another - popular - version of the myth, the wind god Zephyrus was jealous and blew the discus off course to kill Hyacinthus. as for sunflowers: Clytie, a nymph, was in love with Apollo and grew jealous of his relationship with a princess, Leucothoe. Clytie informed Leucothoe's father of the relationship, and he buried Leucothoe alive as punishment. Apollo turned his murdered lover into a sunflower. two flowers attached to greek myths about Apollo falling for a mortal, and that mortal gets murdered by a jealous non-mortal.

next, I would like to bring attention to This Concept Artwork from 2021. now i'm not gonna use this as a definitive "oh this exists so it must mean-" but there are always elements of concept work, especially Canon concept work, that sticks or can allude to themes or information that will be revealed later in the story. concepts are concepts for a reason - it means there's a solid idea that's being explored in depth, most times for use (especially that deep into the story crafting).

specifically, right now i'd like to look at the type of flower Julie is holding. pansies. normal ones + the primary fucked up pansy. pansies are symbols of love - both romantic and platonic, but predominantly platonic. it can also symbolize nostalgia, thought, admiration, remembrance, and can even be used as an "i'm sorry" flower. in victorian times, it was often used to represent forbidden/secret love.

stick with me, i'm getting to the point i promise

now, another thing is how much of Julie's character (meta-wise & in regards to the WH show as a production) is centered around love. her house is the "cutest" or most feminine one in the neighborhood, and it's downright infested with hearts, from the windows to the bushes to the chimney. she exists as Frank's foil, and it's almost definitive that she was meant to be Frank's love interest (there's just. so much evidence that there's no way that's not it). and just look at her! she looks like a love interest! if WH was a real show that i sat down to watch, i'd see her and immediately go "oh, ok, that's her base role"

this contradicts with what we know of her character - Julie seems big on platonic love, loving her friends, but other than that? she very much steps around what her house/character design is trying to say. she's hopscotching right over what the production wants from her. the only thing she kinda sticks with is the whole flower thing

but. but but but. i wonder! after the update, I'm pretty confident that the neighbors are influenced by the "script" and the workshop, even if they're not aware of it. see: the difference in how they act in the "recovered media" (where they behave more like they're characters playing out a bit, their dialogue has no natural lulls and it just sounds like a (really good) script) vs the 14 audios & the phone calls (natural dialogue, they seem more layered & like actual people instead of just characters, there's no set shenanigan - they're just doing their own things). and we can assume that the latter audios are from the neighbors off-script off-the-air.

despite this, they still somewhat try to fill their roles. the question is: how much of that is authentic, and how much is them still feeling that pressure to perform? just like how We as people feel pressure and expectation from societal rules/norms, even if we're not conscious of it. like, say... kids growing up thinking being queer is wrong, even if they've never been directly exposed to / made aware of homophobia/transphobia. We fill in the absence of being told "this is right" with "it must be wrong", and We act accordingly

so apply that to sapient puppets who were (again, most likely) made with set relationships, dynamics, and character details in mind. they're meant to be This Way, even if they want to be That Way, and that internal "programming" has to conflict, at least a little. like how I've seen Clown mention that homophobia will/may be a theme, and the only way i can see that happening among puppets who have never been directly exposed to it is if the above happens: they feel pressure from something they're unaware of. expectation from a "higher" plane of existence. as above, so below.

OKAY NOW WE'RE GETTING TO IT I PROMISE! blend this all together into Frank & Eddie catching feelings. they weren't meant to fall in love. they're not supposed to be together. it's - from the perspective of Playfellow & society (in the time period WH was active/created) - wrong.

Julie is supposed to be with Frank. Frank is supposed to be with Julie. in a way, they are together - they're best friends. they're foils. they were created to compliment each other and click. in the media audios, they're almost always together. if one of them is in a scene, so is the other.

so what happens if Frank starts to pull away? if he starts to spend more time with Eddie - what if Julie feels like she's being pushed out? what if she asks Frank to come play, only to be told he already has plans with Eddie, and if Julie tries to join in, what if Frank tells her no?

if it were me in this situation, I think I'd start to panic a little. everything has always been the same - it's always been Frank and Julie. that's how it's supposed to be. Frank and Eddie, well that's just - that's just wrong! and if, at this hypothetical point in the story, things are tangibly starting to degrade/go wrong, Julie might cling even harder, panic even more.

you see where I'm going with this? what i meant with the flower symbolism and what it could point to?

their world is falling apart, and Julie's one constant - Frank, her best friend, her grumpy rock - is pulling away. for Eddie. the mailman. and so what if the jealous "lover" takes action? Julie can make things go back to normal. she needs Frank, and in her mind she's losing him, but she can't lose him. she can't. and maybe that little whisper of expectation that she can't hear but feels nonetheless, fuels this fire. it makes her feel justified, makes her feel the need to act and "correct" this. maybe if she gets rid of the distraction, Frank's love and attention will be hers once more.

i mean, people do insane things when they're under that much pressure. from current probably-horrible events, a loss of control in their own life, their closest person seemingly distancing themselves, subconscious pressure from societal expectation. especially when it comes to love - platonic or romantic. w/ Julie, i'm pretty sure it's platonic in regards to Frank. though she is bi, so you never know! could be both!

and maybe it won't be about Frank & Eddie, if any of this turns out to even a little right. maybe there's a factor I'm not considering or haven't seen yet. but i really do think that there are things pointing to it.

like yeah, the Concept Art linked above. the caption saying "liar", the specific species of flower, Julie holding it over her mouth as if keeping a secret, the hammer. not sure if the person standing over her is her primary puppeteer, an abstract, or something else (it seems cracked?) but that's not what this theory is about!

then there's the flower patch - both behind her in the concept art, and the one behind her house on the map. it's striking me now that the two look very similar. they have mostly the same flowers, even. blue/yellow/white/orange "daisies", some daffodils, what i think are roses (it's hard to tell specifics on the map). an odd choice to make them so similar (unless it's coincidence!).

when I first saw the patch, my immediate thought was "holy shit is that a body dump?!" bc it's oddly green compared to the rest of the map, it's placed at a noticeable distance behind Julie's house - as if it's supposed to be "hidden", and it's the lushest spot in the neighborhood. now, to provide a counterargument to my own claim: it could be very green because that's how things are shaded, it looks like it's at a distance from the house bc the map is 2D, and its the lushest spot bc Julie's all about flowers - also, i doubt flowers would spontaneously grow since we can assume none of them are real. it's a puppet world of props. but who knows.

(and okay this might or might not be relevant but we can assume Julie is the one who made the chalk drawings on the path, right? i think there's a spiral in front of her house. just making a note of it.)

and there's just how much "pressure" seems to be on Julie compared to the others. she doesn't match her house. she doesn't fit her "role" the way she's meant to. AND OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT - by the swingset, there's now a bowling ball and what looks like red scissors. idk about you guys but i associate scissors with Eddie. he's all about crafts, after all! now i'm really reaching but hey? murder weapon? Julie does seem fond of bowling balls... that's a perfect bludgeoning weapon to have on hand (in abundance!)

in conclusion, i just think Julie has major potential to do some deliciously fucked up stuff. in fact, i hope she does! it could be handled/done in an absolutely fascinating way, and could have intriguing consequences.

who knows, maybe i'm right about her trying to get rid of Eddie (not out of malice or anything, just fear & pressure), and there'll be a whole thing where he keeps on coming back, completely unaware that she tried to off him, bc he's a puppet and it's probably really tough to kill something that wasn't really alive in the first place. i mean, in This Observation post i made about some new map secrets, there's a strange window shine on the Post Office door that could be spelling out either "nexus" or "new us". that plus the apparent extra hands/faces behind the door... Eddie is quite accident prone. who's to say he's not used to being replaced by himself? it's not like he'd remember. or is that the reason his memory is bad? holy shit wait - no wait this is a tangent. sorry. this post is about Julie lmao maybe i'll make a different post for this Eddie Thought i just had bc ough. ough...

and also, before anyone tries to come at me - because there's always people who twist words to Start Shit or misinterpret/miss the point - i'm not saying that Julie is like... homophobic. or hates Eddie. or is a "jealous crazy-" just. yk? and if you think that, maybe reread the post. or take a reading comprehension class &lt;3

AS FOR THE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING TO JULIE. this is based on Two things and also Vibes. this section will be mercifully short compared to the rest of this clusterfuck of a post

so in the Livestream Trivia doc compiled by @/theneighborhood watch, yes i'm referencing this again sorry, there's this tidbit:

that, plus This Artwork, which features Julie (they're her shoes!) standing at the edge of an apparent chasm (the edge of the set, i assume) paints an interesting hypothetical picture. maybe she wanders a little too far and falls off the edge of her world. maybe she discovers something and Wally has to do something he doesn't want to do, but "needs" to. hey, who knows. maybe she is gonna hurt / try to hurt someone, and in an attempt to save them / stop her, Wally pushes her - either accidentally or on purpose, either way the end result would be the same. now I'm just pulling things out of my ass so lets move on lmao

then there's the Unknown Record in the website's media section. i actually recorded the audio and sped it up - i'll post that video later - and it seems to be an excerpt from Alice in Wonderland. the only part of it i've been able to clearly pick out is "Alice found herself falling down.... down... down..." followed by, presumably Alice speaking - who's high pitched voice reminds me of Julie's. so that's another point in the Julie Goes Bye-Bye Via Rapid Descent theory. or just goes temporarily missing! it could be that the only relevant part of the above trivia tidbit is the "falling down a cavern", and not the "never seen again" part. but it could. be. both.

though! though. Clown has stated that if all the neighbors were to take on roles in Alice in Wonderland, Wally is the one who would be Alice. which follows his direct connection to the spiral/eye pit, and the phrase "down the rabbit hole". so it could be either or. it could be both! it could be neither! this is all speculation, which brings us to....

the end! we made it! i hope you're still carrying your Hefty grains of salt! soon you'll be able to fill a large chicken-shaped shaker with it all!

[dabisqueen]

Thirsts? You want thirsts? Drink up 🤲🥃

-----

Imagining Dabi, being super tired from a mission with the league. He's worn out and frustrated, and is on his last nerve. Literally one bad thing away from snapping.

Then he see's you, sitting on his couch with nothing but one of his shirts on. Before you can even say hi, he's on you. Pinning your arms down to the couch, his hands gripping your wrists tight.

"H-hey. What's wrong?" You ask, concerned. You'd never seen his eyes like this. He looked angry, downright pissed off. He never got this rough with you. Never so mean with you.

His hand was on your mouth in a second and his other one ripped your panties down your legs. He hurriedly unbuckled his belt and pushed his own jeans down, underwear going with them. You tried to speak under his hand, but your words were muffled. He growled at you and stroked his angry red cock before slipping past your folds in one motion. You screamed out, the sound lost under his palm.

"Fuckin' tease. Slut." He groaned. Your eyes were brimming with tears as he abused your insides, his thick cock molding your pussy to its shape. Your stomach was tight and you could feel yourself getting close. Your mind was racing. Were you really close becuase of how he's treating you?

Dabi seemed to read your thoughts. He chuckled darkly, taking his hand off your mouth to place it onto your throat.

"Does my little whore like it when I'm rough with her?" He teased, voice laced with venom. You shook your head to the best of your ability, but the moan ripping past your lips when he hit that special spot inside of you gave you away.

"Such a disgusting pain slut." He laughed, starting to tighten his hold on your throat. His pace picked up as he used his free hand wrap your thigh through his arm. He raised your abdomen up, slamming down into you. Your eyes were hazy and your brain was crying out for air. Your orgasm was coming and coming fast.

"Stupid heros. Stupid fuckin' people." Dabi growled, his mind drifting to the events of today. His hips were stuttering and you knew he was close. His cock rammed your cervix and you nearly screamed. Your eyes shut as the cord inside you snapped. Your mouth hung open in a silent moan as clear liquid gushed from you, soaking the couch and Dabi's crotch. He muttered shit beneath his breath before stalling inside you, painting your walls with his seed as his hips stuttered to a halt.

He sat there, buried inside you. Removing his hand from your throat, you gasped for air. The rush of oxygen getting to your brain made you cough and gasp. The noises of your labored breaths brought Dabi back down from his rage, his eyes looming over you before his satisfied grin faded.

"Fuck. Are you okay?" He asked. He pulled out of you and grabbed your body, pulling it up and into his chest. Your face was red and sweaty, cheeks stained with tears while you croaked a small "yes."

" 'M so sorry doll." He apologized into your ear. "I don't know what got into me."

You knew that he was angry and that what happened was a spur of emotions. You knew he had a bad day. Your hands wrapped around him and you shakily exhaled.

"It's okay." You breathed. He leaned back to look you in the eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, concern in his voice. You nodded, lifting a hand to his cheek and smiling.

"I'm fine. But you owe me a movie night and a nice bath for that." You laughed, voice hoarse. He smiled, kissing your forehead.

"On it, doll."

Damn Eve!

Can't just hit me with something like that out of nowhere! This is so tasty *drools*

I need to focus on finishing Chapter 4 of Rockstar Dabi but this just had me lusting for Yandere Dabi again.

mucho lovo

[jenchann]

How We Look

This one for all those beautiful melanin girls.

Pairing : Dark/tan/brown/black f!reader x Chan. Bf x Gf.

Genre: Words of affirmation, Chan being Reassuring, Dark Skin Female Reader, Chan comforting reader, slightly suggestive at the end, dirty/explicit talk, bf!Chan being fluffy and horny for you.

You were pretending to be okay, amongst the chaos that was happening. You pretended to not care about them, after all it was quite common for people to gossip about a celebrity's life. Especially their love life. People made up shit and theorized if they even looked at other people's direction.

Now pictures of you and other fans with StrayKids members was circulating out from their VIP meet and greet, posted by the sponsors of the show. At first it was all well, people were half jealous and half happy that other fans got to meet the boys. People even checking out how the fans were dressed and how attractive they looked. All usual, y'know. What happened afterwards was the primary issue, a photo of you talking with Chan looking at you with a big smile all attentive besides Seungmin who was looking away from the same event was leaked from a shady source. They claimed that you and Chan were doing the dirty which gave way for hundred more gossips that dragged and painted you worse- a gold digger, a whore, a sasaeng, a hooker. Many were loosing their minds over how you looked, how he looked.

People were commenting and quoting downright hurtful and mean statements while very very few kept the others in line. And it was about your skintone. You wouldn't let it get to you but things were getting difficult at your work, it was affecting you, making you anxious.

You were contemplating your choices in life and that took a toll in your confidence. You were scared to standup for yourself though Chan assured he'd have everything taken care of.  But reading these still hurt you more, it was amazing that this topic was already beginning to become a hot topic within days.

Bundled in your bedsheet bunched on the floor below the sofa, you sat buried in the soft pillow-y comfort. Vision blurred, lashes blinking them away as the light of the television reflected onto it at frequent intervals as if soothing you. Chest heaved to breath out air to slow down your heart.

"Baby, I'm home" a cheerful voice coated with thick accent came from the porch of your house.

You strained your neck towards the entrance door, looking to confirm the voice again. You abandoned your comfy haven, feet thunking against the cold tiles as you opened the inside lock, the door releasing with a soft click.

You hugged him as he came in, a kiss landing your forehead as a habit. You kept hugging him after he took off his shoes and planted a kiss on his chest.

"I missed you baby" Chris craddled your face in his palms as he kissed your lips.

"I missed you too love" his hug was always warm and comfortable, you already wanted to melt in his arms.

You both loaded up your plates with jiggae and the fried chicken you heated up that you brought an hour ago, which got cold faster under the chilly autumn weather. You sat between his legs below the sofa each gobbling down the tasty food as you both continued watching the film.

"Chan, do you think I'm beautiful?" You asked after cleaning up after yourself.

Silence met your question, your eyes watering as you blinked rapidly.

"Of course you are pretty baby, look at me" he slowly analysed you as he replied.

You sniffled, eyes meeting his glazed ones at his command.

"Baby, what happened?" his voice sounded concerned as his eyes roamed over your face.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Did you hurt yourself? Did anything happen while I was away?" His strong hands jerked you around turning you hands - out and in, making you turn your body to either sides as his hands lovingly caressed from your shoulders to your waist down.

You were straddling him on the couch now, his strong arms engulfing you protectively and you couldn't pretend anymore. Dropping your weight on his chest, head in the crook of his neck, you let out a choked sob.

"Love, my darling you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Would you tell me what happened?"

It took sometime for you to let out your emotions. Eyes all puffy and nose turning a deep red against your dark skin. You shoved the article in his face in your phone and you didn't even wait to watch his reaction as you plopped down against him. Sniffles echoed in his ear, so his hands caressed you like back softly back and forth. He swiped though the article as he soothed you.

His other hand soon joined to hug you so tight that you couldn't handle it even for five seconds. Tapping on his shoulder as you croaked in relief when he released.

"Good lord, you are getting stronger"

"Your are so fucking pretty that you are the only person I see. And you know what's better? You, your heart. And that's the most beautiful love I've ever gotten to experience. No matter what anyone says, you are beautiful, sexy, ravishing, pretty and delicious just the way you are Missy. They don't know the amazing human being that you are. They are just jealous that you got me all for yourself. How you look and what colour you skin is doesn't matter to me and those people are the ones who need to change their mindset."

"You are not dirty, you are not disgusting. The people who say these are the ones who are truly disgusting. They can't see past a physical outlook and that's too sad don't you think? I only see the amazing person you are"

You cried harder as you gazed into his eyes.

"People should never make you feel inadequate for the way you are, especially for the way you look okay? I know you are my strong baby and you don't need me to say these stuffs but you are never what they say you to be based on your skin colour by making it seem dirty. They don't know anything bout you and me, us."

 

Cuddling in his chest you ask "What do you love about me?"

"Everything"

You pouted as your head tipped to see his face. He laughed as he saw you cranning to glare at him.

"Hurry up and tell me already" you let out an annoyed snark.

"Hmmm..." His voice dipped lower now, his veiny hands fondling your ass softly massaging them.

"You are all tense baby, relax, we are gonna get out of this strong. You are strong. The company is gonna release a statement tomorrow. It's gonna be alright."

And so you did like his voice did a spell on you.

"Would you answer my question please" your muffled voice vibrated against his sternum.

"I love your eyes, you fat button nose-"

"My nose does not look like a fat button-"

"Your plump-y juicy lips, you pretty neck and your collarbones that I mark-up very very prettily, your breasts- yes the best part" his voice lowered sexily and you knew how this was gonna go "they are so fucking soft and squishy and your hips- Fucking.God." his low growl vibrated against your ears, stirring up your lower half.

"Chan" you voice quietly pleaded.

"You know what, I'll just show you how I love you as I watch you squirt all over my face when you come baby"

"STOOPPPP" you squealed.

You jerked as he flipped you to show you why he loves you, manhandling just the way you liked to be handled rough sometimes.

"Another thing I find amusing is that they'd never know how good we'd look with you chocolate legs wrapped around me as I pound into you as I make love to you baby. How I can still make your dark skin flush under my hands prettily, all for me. Just for me."

[luna7822]

things i despise abt most of the ow f**base:

most of their ocs suck ass especially when theyre only personality is just being a boring dumb stupid pointless """""""love interest"""""" for a CANONICALLY AROACE character just to get boring clout points on their dumb ugly ass tumblr blog and nothing else and that said ocs are non existent to canon anyways since canon is better lmaoooooo

they spread lies abt their fav series 24/7 for no reason whatsoever

they keep dragging abe into their stupid ass boring dumb oc x canon ships for no reason whatsoever when they completely forgot that abe is nb/aroace and basically goes to show how ppl are just plain stupid in general and downright aph0b1c if u ask me

they overreact over joke posts made on different social sites by the official accounts or whatever for no reason at all

they think part 3 is somehow gonna be """"munchs oddysee 2.0""""" despite the fact that it would be way too cliche and honestly boring if they did that and that munch and stranger are not the main focus of the new quintology as well since its meant to be abt abe specifically and no1 else

one of them treats abe like the """"""overrated mc"""""" of the three protags for no reason at all despite abe being nowhere near overrated and just the user in general being outright dumb

said user is also a living hypocrite as well for liking soulstorm yet hating abe and stranger at the same time for no reason at all other than to be a dumb boring oq/mo purist and nothing more and also missing the entire point of the nq in general

their fanfics are boring af and nothing like canon at all since i refuse to believe that big face is just a """""""regular shaman""""""" at all especially since hes literally the mc in disguise from the future nor do i even believe that sam is abes """"""mother"""""" for all the right reasons since i find that part especially to be pretty suspicious if u ask me which is basically why i dont trust any ow fanfics in general for being absolute ludicriously fake and completely nonexistent cuz i said so

their public server sucks ass with many other boring ass public servers where their f**base is going to be garbage regardless of the subject

they spread more lies to piss me off as well

they tend to fight over which of the 6 games is the """""best""""" when i feel as tho we should treat all of them (except for maybe exoddus cuz of how overrated it is by many nostalgia blind purists who refuse to move on for once and that soulstorm is a billion times better lol) like equals for once and yes that also includes munchs oddysee, new n tasty, and soulstorm as well since speaking from experience i could care less if the gameplay is """"""bad"""""" anyways when its really no big deal to get all mad abt it when u ppl can easily just watch the cutscenes for once and who even cares abt spoilers anyways when it would be sm easier if most ppl proceeded to do that instead of being the absolute miserable boring ppl that they are for once

some of them also care way too much abt exoddus as well since in all honestly exoddus isnt really all that special in the first place when it was never meant to be like that at all since its way too overrated for its own good and that soulstorm is just more engaging than this shit anyways lol

i would like to put more as well but overall i just really fucking despise most ppl in general for spreading misinfo, getting facts wrong, being assholes, not actually enjoying anything for once, and etc so yeah

[violenceviolence-rp]

Human Wally headcanons?

You're really indulging me here, it's appreciated haha. Since ya didn't specify which flavor of Fleshy Wallace, have both:

Wood-Cursed-with-Humanhood ("Meaty Wally")

- the beginning of the end of his years-long cat-and-rat game with Jimmy, who was able to level up his Trashy Magician skills by temporarily becoming a wooden puppet again with Slappy's assistance (Slaps was in on the "prank" part but mostly just finds mannequin Jimbo hot)

- closer to an alchemical homunculus rather than a true human, either way he's mortal and experiencing magical impotence for the first time ever because he's now made of meat, not Kanduu's coffin

- honestly between Mahar reincarnating his timber & remains as a living dummy and O'James metaphysically neutering him with an even more unnatural mortality, he's feeling targeted as fuck and spitting anti-Irish epithets that haven't been used for decades

- FURIOUS about being only 4' tall and convinced that Jimmy made him short to mock him, but the Trashy Magician isn't that skilled, Wally is just in the habit of blaming him for everything and can't stand the shoe being on the other foot for once

- easily restrained now that he lacks the supernatural strength of all his victims, or however I decide his necromantic power works--still bites and has a low centre of gravity working to his advantage, much to Jimmy's annoyance, but is also susceptible to being kicked in the crotch despite not having balls, and petty vengeance is sweeter than cake if you ask Jimmy

- off-puttingly cool for a human (think room-temp steak) in the same way his normal body is off-puttingly warm for a doll

- gets food poisoning a lot because he still eats raw meat & cat food; disappointed to learn vomiting just hurts as opposed to the quasi-climax that usually accompanies a geyser of horrible fluid

- he was always handsy with Slappy, but now he's downright cuddly--embarrassing as hell but Slaps ain't complainin ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- HATES that he wants to ride Jimmy like a unicycle & takes all of this frustration out on Slappy wherever his slave is most likely to walk in on them--again, Slaps ain't complainin

- Jimmy eventually follows through with a long-standing threat after too many instances of waking up to Wally humping his face (old habits die hard) and transfigures him into a cat, and wouldn't you know, one of those free spay/neuter traveling clinics happens to be in the neighborhood...C'mon, be honest, what would you do? Turning him back to a human-adjacent thing results in mild body-horror-comedy (supernumerary nipples) that thoroughly revolts everyone, and once he's back to normal, Horrors Below, he's no longer got the tentacle. Do ya know how many tongues and dicks have gone into that beastly thing? Seriously, he lost count sometime in the 1950s--it's gonna take decades of hunting to get back half of what he had, and that bastard magician is starting to look pretty damn tasty.

Wallace Punch (Totally Mundane Human AU)

- "For the last time Woofles, I'm not an 'egg' I'm a trap! Quit tryna convert me!"

- /b/tard since 2005 (big sis showed him how to use a VPN to pirate shit when he was 12, she kind of regrets it)

- actually his older sister is the one family member he respects & he's only half-joking when he says it's because she "isn't tainted by our loser parents' genes"; as kids they all enjoyed playing "guess which kid is adopted" with strangers (Wallace is the odd redhead among 4 brunettes, genetics are weird)

- doesn't mind being 5' (little spoon privileges) but always bitching about the "discrimination" he faces as a switchy manlet

- ...is a rubbish top anyway, total two-pump chump without meth & honestly a pillow princess at heart

- stereotypical "film bro" whose main takeaways from flicks like Fight Club & A Clockwork Orange are "I need to step up my wardrobe and learn how to hotwire a car"

- does weird shit with food, not always sexual, just seems to enjoy making a nauseating mess; occasionally his show involves bathing in a clear acrylic clawfoot tub filled with spaghetti & meat sauce, which is an Ordeal to set up but the man has some dedicated groupies

- "What’s better than getting a pretty girl to laugh? Getting a pretty girl to peg you ♡"

- hates cooking after having to work in his dad's chippy for all of 3 years as a teenager, pretty much lives off of convenience store sausages & frozen pizza with friggin beans on it, if not for copious amounts of canned pineapple he'd definitely have scurvy

- negates the intended purpose of all that pineapple (if ykyk) by smoking cigars like a chimney--started stealing mom's Dunhills at the tender age of 10, which stunted his height and kickstarted his ambiguous behavioral/emotional disorders...Wally nerfing himself sure is a recurring theme huh

- pretty decent at using a swazzle and keeping a straight face while saying the most obscene nonsense through it

- mutually disowned his father and considers himself "the superior Mr. Punch"--any version of Wally is just like "fuck you, dad"

- admits that it's probably for the best he's allergic to alcohol

- remarkably, the worst thing he's ever gotten/passed on was the clap

- the first time he visited the United States and had iced tea he accused the server of trying to poison him

- also got punched in the mouth in a NYC pizzeria after making a 9/11 joke because someone called him a freak for requesting friggin beans as a topping, but wasn't too concerned because in his experience, teeth grow back (artistic license hyperdontia, okay?)

- dislikes most animals but adores horses, even the homeliest pony turns this man to pudding; actually capable of turning on the charm when it suits him, Wallace adopts a totally different persona (& fake name) around the handful of posh equestrian chums he's manipulated over the years for the express reason of riding their horses, in truth considering these "friends" to be annoying idiots; almost gets banned from one club for wearing fringed holstein cowhide chaps he got in Texas

- can't decide how he dies. On the one hand it could be satisfying to play his "redemption arc" straightish by letting him grow old and mellow a bit and maybe even mature enough to have some shame when he reflects on his youthful foibles, on the other hand it's much funnier & more fitting if his last words are "Oh sod off" as a double-decker bus takes him out because he didn't look both ways before crossing the street

[kingdaddydaichi]

Happy Birthday, Kakashi Hatake 💋 9.15.21 💋 Husband!Father!Retired!Kakashi Hatake x f!reader 💋 NSFW

( Sauce )

MINORS 👏🏼 DO 👏🏼 NOT 👏🏼 INTERACT 👏🏼

A/N: The idea for this tasty little present for Kakashi was given to me by @the-tiniest-one - downright genius if you ask me. 💡

There is so much confusion about Kakashi's current age. I've read and watched so many timelines of the Naruto and Boruto series over the past few years, and it seems no one really knows for sure. I suppose it depends on whether you go by the manga or the anime, but most sources say 46-48 (meaning he's turning 47-49 today). So instead of giving myself a lobotomy trying to figure it out, I'm going with the idea that he turns 45 today because reasons. 💅🏼

Warnings: spanking (and resulting marks), face riding, squirting, old people sex if you consider 40s to be old (and if you do, you're wrong!😉)

Word Count: 3.9k

It was early evening on Wednesday when you got home. After kicking off your shoes by the door and leaving your purse on the dining room table, you walked into your bedroom to find your shirtless husband propped up in bed reading one of his favorite erotica novels. It was his birthday and, boring as it may sound to most, this was his idea of a good time. Although he looked younger than his 45 years, he partied like a senior just this side of yelling at kids to get off his lawn. But his well-trained body would give guys half his age a run for their money.

It was a school night, but Naruto and Hinata had insisted that your son and daughter come stay with their family for the night so that you and Kakashi could have some alone time together. So, the two of you had the house and each other all to yourselves. This was all Kakashi wanted for his birthday - no kids, no plans - just you, his book, and a quiet evening at home.

"Hey, handsome". You flattened his wild silver hair with your hand, pecking him on the forehead. He lowered his book and raised his head to kiss you on the lips.

"Well, hello there, pretty lady", he said, winking at you.

You shook your head and tried to stifle a smile. His cheesy attempts at flirting with you had always been so bad that you fell in love with the dork and married him. You walked into the adjoining bathroom, talking to him as you freshened up and changed clothes. "How's your day been?"

He stretched loudly. "Pretty good, can't complain. Pawned the kids off to the Uzumakis, and not a moment too soon. They were bickering about something stupid when they got home from school". He sighed. "But I talked to Naruto earlier and he said they'd made themselves comfortable and were getting along fine".

"Well, it is like a second home to them by now-"

"Wish it was their first home..."

"Kakashi!" You'd walked back into the bedroom, laughing and throwing the shirt he'd left on the bathroom floor at him in mock reprisal. "They're our babies!"

"Which is the only reason I let them live here". He watched you saunter to the bed, obviously braless in a loose-fitting tank top, with a small pair of booty shorts that showcased your vicious thighs and the crease beneath your butt cheeks. You caught him staring, sending the first pang deep into your belly, knowing he would soon catch your scent and what it would do to him.

"So..." You prowled your way across the bed and he raised an eyebrow at you. "...what do you want to do tonight...senpai?" You knew good and well what those shorts were doing to him. And your nipples jutting out beneath the thin material of that tank top did nothing to stop his loins from stirring.

Feigning disinterest, he picked his book back up and yawned. "Meh. Read, I guess".

You lowered his hand back down and straddled him, your thighs touching the warm skin of his bare sides, his half-hard cock pressing against your bottom confirming that he was indeed full of shit. You took your time stretching and arching your back like a kitty cat before leaning forward, placing your hands against his chest and your lips along his chiseled jawline.

He shifted beneath you as you kissed your way to his ear and breathed, "I heard it's somebody's birthday today". He smirked and turned his head to capture your lips with his, placing his hand behind your head when he slipped his wet muscle inside your mouth. He placed his free hand on your thigh and squeezed as he rolled his hips to grind his cock against you, drawing a sigh from your mouth into his. Your need leaked out of you as you ground back against him, his hand smacking your ass hard, giving you a brilliant idea. You pulled away from him and hopped off the side of the bed, his arms still open with a massive tent in his pants and a comical pout on his face.

"Get up and drop trou, birthday boy. You're getting 45 licks tonight".

His arms fell to his sides and he reached for his book again. "Yeah, no".

"Oh come on, Kashi, it'll be fun!"

"Not for me, it won't. Besides, when have you ever known me to bend my bare ass over for you or anyone else? Not happening".

He rolled his eyes when you jutted your bottom lip out at him, pouting harder than he could ever hope to.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, I'll do it!" He stood up and hooked his thumbs under his waistband. "What're you gonna spank me with? Your bare hand?"

"Nope". With one hand on your hip, you plucked the hard back* copy of Icha Icha from his fingers, smirking.

"Ah, jeez", he lamented. "Just don't break it".

You laughed. "Babe, stop being so dramatic! I'm not gonna break your ass".

"Not my ass, the book!" He pulled his pajama pants down to just below his pale ass cheeks. One of the best things about being retired, he always said, is not having to wear underwear anymore. It's so liberating.

"You and your books! Maybe you should get a room with them-"

"That's what I've been trying to do since you slunk in here wearing that dangerous little outfit of yours! But noooooo! Somebody wants to spank me with it instead!"

"You do realize that you're gonna get it that much worse now, right?"

He winked at you and said, "Do your worst, cockblock" before turning around and bending over with his hands on the bed. What you couldn't see was the smugness that fell over his expression once his back was turned. He'd humor you a little at least, just enough to give you a false sense of security. He was nothing if not sneaky, but that was a hazard inherent in being married to the Hokage-level ninja.

You hummed victoriously as you brought the book up with both hands. "Hold on tight, birthday boy". His butt cheeks clenched as you swung downward. "One!"

The first lick was quite pathetic, actually. You'd overestimated your strength. He relaxed again, shaking his head and sighing impatiently. "You hit like a girl-"

You put considerably more force behind the next swing, the book creating a sharp whack when it made contact with his sensitive skin. "Two!"

His hips jerked forward with the sting. "Ah! Easy!"

"Nuh-uh. You're getting everything you deserve, baby!" You applied the same velocity to the next swing.

"What did I do to deserve- hahh shit!" Again, his hips jerked forward on impact, surprising himself when his dick twitched.

"Three!"

"I take it back, you don't hit like a- fuck!"

"Four!"

A discernable pink rectangular pattern had begun to form on his lily white ass cheek. You smiled devilishly, so proud of your handiwork. "Damn, baby, I thought you were tougher than this. You've still got 41 more licks to go. Five!"

His fingers gripped the sheets as he looked back at you. "Forty one?"

You were on the sixth downswing when his deft hand caught your wrist mid-swing. In one fluid movement, you found yourself bent over Kakashi's knee as he sat on the edge of the bed. He yanked your shorts down and you heard the loud "crack" before your body even registered the stinging pain against your bare ass.

"Kakashiiii! What the fuck?" You tried to lift yourself off of him, but that was a no go since his non-spanking hand was firmly pressed against your back.

"You said four to five, right?"

"No, I said forty five ahhhh!" His hand had come down hard again. He was much better at spanking than you. He'd had plenty of practice in the many years that you've been together, that's for sure.

You could hear the smirk in his voice. "Oh. Well, it looks like you're getting the rest of 'em".

"But kashiiiii! It's not my birthdahhaaaoooowwwww!" You tried using your legs as leverage to break free, but your elite shinobi of a husband had your belly pinned to his thighs.

He chuckled. "I know, but…" You brought your hand around to shield your ass, but he promptly bound your wrist to your back before delivering another slap of his bare hand to your butt. "...it's my birthday, and I'm getting what I want". His commanding voice had deepened.

You continued crying out with every spank, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, of whether it was from the pain or the laughter you couldn't be sure. Your cries turned to whimpers, then to moans as your pussy got wetter with each impact of his hand, your swollen pussy lips sticking out from behind your closed thighs, glistening with your need.

On the next swat, his bare hand made contact with your pussy lips instead of your ass and you screamed, "Nngaaahhh fuck, Kashi! Owwwaaaaahhhhh!"

He rubbed his hand in slow, firm circles on your cheeks, applying negative pressure to help ease the pain, wandering lower to tease your weeping slit with his middle finger. Still bent over his knee, you whined as he circled the pad of his finger around your clit.

"Kashi..."

He dipped his finger into your wet hole, sliding it in and out nice and slow, turning his hand palm down so that he could get a good angle on that g-spot of yours. You pushed back against his hand, needing more of him.

"I lost count, but I think I've made my point". He let you go and you sank to your knees in front of him. Looking down at you, he pushed his pants all the way off as his angry cock slapped against his hard abs. "How about you give my dick 45 licks instead?"

You'd spent the whole day looking forward to sucking Kakashi's cock down and making him cum in your mouth.

"But senpai..." You looked him right in the eyes. "...Wanna suck it".

He put his finger under your chin to stop you, shaking his head at you. "Lick it", he ordered in his silky smooth voice. "I'll count for you since your mouth is gonna be occupied".

By now you were so turned on your mouth watered at the very sight of your husband's pretty dick. You wrapped your fingers around the base before looking up at him with your bottom lip between your teeth, knowing full well what it did to him when you bit your lip like that.

His eyebrows knitted as his slate grey eyes darkened, leaning back on his hands, watching you, anticipating. You stuck your tongue out and, starting at the base, dragged it up his entire length, flicking your tongue over the tip at the end. You hummed in appreciation of his delicious pre.

"One". His voice had always gotten darker when he was aroused.

Again, you began at the base, licking slowly up, savoring the texture of the underside of his thick shaft as your tongue submitted to its shape.

"Two". He brushed a stray strand of your hair away from your pretty face, holding it back to have a clear view.

When the count had reached the upper twenties, it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to keep count, as well as to keep your hot mouth from having its way with him. But a man is only as good as his word. His head fell back as he groaned. "Twenty eight".

Jesus, still almost twenty more to go. Your jaw had begun to ache a little. But it was rewarding to watch his pre ooze down his length only to catch it with your tongue, moaning in approval of his flavor. You had a tiny puddle of your own forming on the floor beneath you as well.

On the 40th count, he looked down again to watch you.

His hips bucked on 41.

On 42, he bit his lip to stifle a whimper, his cock throbbing painfully.

You knew your husband's needs all too well, so after the 45th count, you devoured him knowing it wouldn't take you long to finish him off. He groaned in unadulterated pleasure, slowly losing his mind as you hollowed your cheeks, sucking him down until the head of his cock hit the back of your throat.

"Mmm sweetheart, you suck my dick so good, fuuuuck", he breathed. You hummed around him causing that familiar dull ache to begin creeping up from the base of his spine. "Shit, gonna cum...mm!"

You closed your eyes and slowed your pace while increasing the intensity as his hips trembled. The first splash of his hot cum hit the back of your throat, his cock flexing against your tongue with every eruption of his thick seed until he was spent. You popped off him, swallowing the last of him down as his back hit the mattress, chest heaving.

You crawled up next to him, dragging your fingertips along his arm and chest. He turned his head and looked at you with those seductive hooded eyes. As he kissed you, he pulled you on top of him before hooking his hands behind your knees, encouraging you to straddle his abdomen.

He traced the outline of your sexy figure with his well-trained hands, taking in every curve and dip of your feminine form, nice and slow. Studying you. Learning you. Even after all these years.

He stroked your thighs firmly, pressing his fingertips into your flesh a little bit. His hands continued up on the next stroke, spreading your outer lips open and brushing over your clit with the pad of his thumb. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back as he spread your slick need over your hard bud. His free hand cupped your breast under your shirt, gently squeezing it as your fingertips dug into the muscle of his chest. "Mmm...Kashi".

He situated his hand below such that he was able to slip two skilled fingers within you while still using his thumb to manipulate your clit. "Feel good, baby?"

"Mhmmm, god yessss", you keened while removing your shirt.

"Look at me", he said.

You raised your head up and opened your lust-filled eyes for him.

He began curling his fingers inside of you as if to say come hither. "You remember this hand signal, right?"

Indeed you did and your pussy clenched at the promise of what was to come.

"Well, come on then, sexy girl".

You shifted your body higher and higher, still straddling your husband's prone body as you climbed atop his shoulders. He wrapped his strong arms around your thighs, his biceps flexing against them as he held you tight. The moment you felt his hot breath on your cunt, your eyes rolled back. Your full body shiver was swiftly followed by the reflex to arch your back when he stuck his tongue out and licked a long line between your lips, watching your face twist in pleasure. Pleasure he loved giving you.

He set a slow rhythm, alternating between licking and sucking on your clit, throwing in a hum here and there for good measure. You carded your fingers into his hair, squeezing two fistfuls of his downy locks, but he knew you were holding back. He pulled back on your thighs long enough to speak, "Ride me, sweetheart. I want you to. You know I can take it".

He was right. He had so many times before, but there was that self-conscious part of you that always made you hesitate and Kakashi would have to fight that self-defeating voice within you every time. You began slowly rocking your hips, trying to keep most of your weight off of him. He knew this wouldn't do. As long as any part of you was holding back, you wouldn't be able to orgasm and he lived for you to come undone for him. "(Y/n), you're still holding back. Hey, eyes on me".

"Kashi, what if I hurt you?"

He chuckled. "Think you I couldn't have your body pinned to this bed before your next breath if I so chose?" He had a point. "We go through this every time, (y/n). I want you to ride my mouth with abandon. I want you cumming all over my fucking face. Drown me in your scent, baby. Please".

His words and the roughness of his voice finally won you over. Once again, he remained undefeated in his powers of persuasion.

You watched as he sucked your clit in between his lips again, winking at you when you moaned. You smiled and nodded. Within seconds, you'd resumed your prior pace and were now well on your way. You slowly increased your speed, once again losing yourself in the pleasure of your husband's oral skills. You whimpered when his teeth grazed your clit, your hips thrusting forward. He gave you an encouraging moan and spread his fingers across your ass cheeks, guiding your hips faster along.

He was making you lose control. That burning coil drew tighter and tighter deep within your belly as you ground your pussy against your husband's face, his tongue sliding in and out of you and his nose rubbing your clit.

"Nnhhnnn Ka-kashi". You changed your angle, his tongue and lips finding purchase around your clit again as his chin fluttered against your opening. Your fingers clutched his silver hair, pushing and pulling yourself along. Kakashi growled into you and your legs began to tremble, crying out his name.

His fingertips dug into your flesh as he urged you along, moaning against you almost nonstop. You felt the heat from your core pull back, as a star implodes on itself before going supernova. The recoil of your violent release rattled your bones as you came hard on your husband's face. You collapsed forward onto your hands and knees. (That shit felt so real I legit just wiped my face with my hand.)

"Shit, sweetheart, you've got me so drunk on you. Damn, I wanna fuck you so hard right now". He had come up behind you on his knees, his cock hard and aching to finally be inside you.

"Then fuck me, Kakashi. Take what you need from me..."

He slapped the inside of your thigh with his cock a couple of times like you like him to. He was hit with the aftershocks of your orgasm all around him as he sank himself deep inside you. "Mm- it just goes right in, doesn't it? So ready for me, yeah?"

"Yeah baby, nnnfuck! You feel so good - your cock feels so fucking good".

He grabbed your waist before slamming himself into you again. You cried out at the sharp feeling of that coil winding up again. Kakashi had always been the King of Multiple Orgasms. How the fuck he did it remained a mystery to you even after all these years, but one thing you knew without a doubt is that no other man - not a single fucking one before him - had ever held mastery over your body like your husband could. You pushed back against him, meeting every single one of his thrusts.

"Oh damn, sweetheart, yeah. Fuck me back. Fuck me right back. Slam those thighs against me, baby". He slapped your ass, making you cry out in pain. What was another hand mark across your stinging butt cheeks when there were already so many?

Your entire area was coated with your slick and his saliva. It was so lewd the way your pussy squelched with every plunge of Kakashi's cock, the wet claps of two raw fucking bodies echoing off your bedroom walls. And Kakashi was starting to lose it.

You lowered your top half down to the bed, angling your bottom up even higher for your man as he took you harder, his balls slapping your clit.

A few more thrusts like that and the swell in your womb burst again, cumming hard for Kakashi, screaming his name as your cum sprayed everywhere. Kakashi fucking loved making you squirt. In typical form, as soon as your warm liquid splashed against him he came apart.

"Fuck, baby! Damn, I love it when you soak me like that! Ahh god, I'm gonna fucking cum!" A loud grunt escaped him and his hips stopped hard against you as his cock spasmed with every burst of his seed.

He chuckled between heavy breaths when he pulled out of you. "That's one hell of a creampie, babe. Damn", he said, one eyebrow raised at the amount of his cum spilling out of you.

"Another Legendary Hatake Load, huh?"

"Yep!" He collapsed onto the dry side of the bed, pulling you with him as he went. Your limp body fell onto his, completely used and fucked out. You curled up on top of him as he cradled you in his arms, kissing the top of your head.

“You’re the best gift a man could ask for. You know you're the most beautiful thing in the world to me, right?"

You hummed.

"There are only two other gifts in this world that are as precious to me as you are". He pressed his cheek to your forehead.

"Mhmm".

Another thing that was legendary was Kakashi's aftercare. "Yeah? And you gave me both of them too".

You smiled, holding him tighter as a vulnerable tear fell onto his chest.

"Our beautiful baby girl-", he said, stroking your hair.

"And our ridiculously handsome baby boy-"

"Fuck me, he's a teenager now".

You hummed. "It won't be long until she is too, and as pretty as she is? I have a feeling she'll find you waiting on the porch with a kunai in your lap when she comes home from dates".

"Nope, won't happen. She's not allowed to date. Ever".

"Kakashi". You slapped his chest playfully.

He turned to look at the other side of the bed. "Jesus, look at the mess you made".

You gasped incredulously. "Me?"

He laughed. "That came out of you, not me!"

"It's your fault, though! You made me do it! And some of it did come out of you!"

He groaned. "Be that as it may, someone has to clean it up".

"Rock, paper, scissors?"

"Best two out of three".

...2 Minutes Later...

Kakashi stripped the bed and put everything in the wash, proud of his preparedness by keeping a waterproof mattress cover under the sheets specifically for the rare occasions when you squirt. He re-made the bed with clean linens and both of you climbed in naked. He propped himself up on a couple of pillows and motioned for you to come sit between his legs. You leaned back, squirming around carefully - ever mindful of the Hatake family jewels - until you'd made yourself comfortable against your husband's warm chest. He held you close with one arm as he reached for his beloved book one last time for the night.

You tilted your head back to look up at him. "Happy Birthday, Kakashi Hatake. I love you endlessly".

"Thank you, (F/n) Hatake. I love you for my life".

You pulled him down into a slow, sensual kiss and whispered, "You wanna go another round, old man?"

He let his head fall back against the headboard, too worn out to even think about it. "'M sorry, sweetheart, I can't. I need a full night's sleep before I could make love again". He groaned, eyes still closed. "I'm too old and I'm too tired".

You giggled as you settled back against his chest, closing your eyes. "You're still a really good lay, though".

He huffed in amusement as he picked up his book. "Good night, babe. Thank you for everything".

You yawned and stroked his arm. "It's my pleasure..." You trailed off, already well on your way to sleep.

💋fin💋

*Here's lookin' at you, @daddykakashisensei

[fruitsofhell]

I have a Kirby Heardle Thread on Twitter so sometimes I go off about how much I love this series' music, here’s 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 so far (with a lot more added in lol):

     Holy Shit I Fucking Love This Song And Motif. I was gonna say that Inner Struggle is better than Sword of the Surviving Guardian, but that's dumb and inflammatory. I think the two motifs of Vs. Meta Knight and Friend and the Setting Sun represent different things and have their own purposes. The former is underrated AF, but it has a separate use.      The Vs. Meta Knight motif from Super Star is used to represent fights with Meta at his lowest or when blinded by his lust for battle. Like in Revenge of MK when he's challenged you to a lost cause battle on his destroyed, rapidly sinking ship (raw af), and Planet Robobot and Epic Yarn (I love discordant piano ^^) where he's struggling against mind control. All of these carry a weight and desperation for him that is so amazingly conveyed by that theme. It’s tense, its dark, and it’s deadly as Meta’s blade.      Friend and the Setting Sun is his more general theme now, it kinda represents that after Revenge was a sobering moment for him, as encounters with him after are less antagonistic. It has that perfect “dramatically (maybe even regretfully) riding off into the sunset” vibe, which made it perfect as a credits theme then, and great as a reoccurring motif for Meta Knight now. It represents how he’s likely reflected and grown more understanding ever since that fateful defeat.       AAAAND (teehee), it goes with King and the Setting Sun which represents a paralleled moment for Dedede, with more emphasis on the “regretfully” riding off into the sunset. Which is fitting because we’ve seen that while Meta can take defeat badly by going off on rampages, Dedede becomes rather depressed about these things. Friend and the Setting Sun is regretful but steadfast, and King and the Setting Sun is regretful and just downright defeated.

     All this to say, there are two battle themes for Meta Knight: Vs. Meta/Inner Struggle for when he's at his worst and deadliest, and Setting Sun for when he's being a friendly rival and continuing a character arc he shares in common with Dedede. Sword of the Surviving Guardian uses the right motif, and it owns, and I respect it. Plus I love the intro, its very jazzy and expressive! The whole song has a great feel of a friendly but still serious battle between two great warriors who have grown and changed for the better a lot since they first met.      Star Allies, unfortunately, uses the wrong motif in Friends and the Sound of Intersecting Swords, and it makes me sad. Being horribly possessed by his "wild streak" should land us some Vs. Meta Knight, but instead we have the Setting Sun motif, and I do legit feel it detracts from the potential drama of the fight. (But he is like the 3rd boss out of like,, 13?? so oh well).      KF2 got my back tho! The fucking Sworn Partners final battle music mixes like every Meta and Dedede motif! INCLUDING SO MANY TASTY ONES FROM REVENGE OF MK THAT DONT GET USED AND AUGDGSYG ITS SO GOOD!!! When they use the Revenge of MK trill right before you fight them??? I am in the stratosphere!      KF2 OST is legendary for all the love they gave Meta Knight and Dedede’s motifs. Using the Halberd and Vs. MK themes in the final battle with Dedede’s, and the Setting Sun motifs together for the credits is a really good example of the way they use them for different aspects of these characters!

[ushiwakatrash]

On your knees, King! (Part 4)

Bakugou x reader, Todoroki x reader

Fantasy AU

!Warnings!: Swearing

Synopsis:

Bakugou is the esteemed King of the Kingdom of Barbarians and because he succeeded in ruling the lands that were once governed by the Yuuei Kingdom, an offering must be made for the peace of the people. As the so-called ‘black sheep’ of the royal family, the King of Yuuei a.k.a. your father, offered you–naming you the most precious thing he could give; but you know the truth behind his words.

PART IV

← Part  3          Part 5 →

--

The princess couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she dipped into the bath prepared by Ochako. She had fun--maybe the most fun she’s had in a while. The blonde surely captivated her.

His confident strides as he fended off her weapon during their spar was something she found attractive. Usually, people tend to give up when faced with her during a duel, some just downright give up.

But this man, whose golden locks shine best when the sun is about to set, he stood his ground and gave her quite a beating. Sinking in the water a little more, a content hum escaped her lips.

“Fucking hell, I’m getting married. It would have been nice if dandelion and I could have been friends. Who knows if that stupid face king locks me up in some abandoned tower forever.”

Before her fingers could get wrinkly from being dipped in the water for too long, she had called her maids to dry and clothe her. Even if the thought of her marriage was at the back of her mind, the princess couldn’t help but be in a good mood thanks to the match she had earlier for a boar that had been eaten by the beautiful dragon.

The moonlight was particularly bright that night. For some reason, it was comforting, because she was sure that the same moonlight shone on her dandelion.

--

King Bakugou felt alive. Dominating kingdoms got boring because of how easily people gave up. But for that stupid piece of boar, he sparred for his life. It was  enthralling. The pit of his stomach got warm and mushy every time he would relive the match in his memory.

This is how real fights should feel like, he thought. For someone who didn’t have a lot of friends, he actually wanted to befriend this peculiar girl. She was pretty, he’d give her that. But what amused him the most was how deceiving her demeanor was. 

No matter how he tried to look at it, the girl looked so frail that maybe even a roar from Kirishima would send her to the afterlife. Well shit, he was so wrong. She was strong, both in body and mind. 

In all his years, he never had interest in the opposite sex, he didn’t even feel the need to have a woman by his side. But with the forcing of his parents, he finally agreed with settling down with the token of Yuuei. 

How bad could it be? She would just have to stay out of his way, do her duties as queen and not act unnecessarily. But damn, if he had another chance of picking a bride, maybe that cute girl would make the cut.

“Thinking about her, Bakugou?” Kirishima casually landed on the king’s balcony as if it were his own place. “Shut up, red. I-I’m not.” Kirishima smiled at his stutter. “Man, she was so cool. She even gave me the meat!” the dragon boy clearly shown his fondness of the girl, even if they had just met.

“You know your highness, a Dragon’s instinct is always right. And this girl would have made a fine wife.” The blonde grunted at his steed’s statement because deep down he truly believed it to be true. She was entertaining and smart. He felt as if he wouldn’t even need to protect her.

“Whatever shitty hair. I’m getting married to some damn woman. There’s nothing more I can do.” “Well sire, why don’t we try to find her again? I mean, before you finally marry?”

“You know, that doesn’t sound like a shitty plan”

--

It was as if the two shared the same braincell, the young lady thought of doing the same. Having a few more days of fun wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Her plan was to go to the same place they met and bring snacks for after sparring. Y/n made sure to pack some tasty treats for the red dragon as well. Not knowing the chances of meeting her dandelion, she left her palace quite early.

Quietly making her way through the forest, the light hit Y/n’s face in the right places, giving her this godly glow. Red orbs were captivated by such an ethereal image that had shaken his entire being. 

She was there, a few feet away from the two boys who’ve been there since sunrise. Lost in their thoughts, they failed to notice the arrowhead that skidded against the blonde’s cheek.

“What the hell woman?! You wanna fucking die?!” “Dandelion?!” Bakugou wiped the blood off his cheek. “Nice aim but I’d prefer if you get fowl instead of human flesh.”

The princess quickly tore a small piece of fabric from her top and used it to press on the wound she made. “I’m terrible sorry. I didn’t expect company this early.” Contemplating whether to confess her real intentions, the king beat her to it.

“I came here looking for you. And what luck, we meet again.” The girl’s face brightened as a warm smile was now on her face. “Really?! Me too! But I’m kind of sad Kirishima isn’t here. He was such a good boy”

With the mention of his name, red spiky hair popped out of the back of the blonde and the dragon boy send a toothy smile to the princess. “It’s me, lady! I transform!”

“Kirishima!, that’s amazing” The red head smugly looked at his master, mocking him by lifting his brows repeatedly. Rolling his eyes, Bakugou stood up with dagger in hand and charged at the girl.

Y/n deflected the blade quickly by pushing away the weapon by smacking away the king’s wrist. “Hah, nice try dandelion!” “Stop calling me that!”

After minutes of non-stop combat, they finally took a break. Kirishima transformed into his dragon form to use his wing as shade for the two. “What’s your name, woman?”

I don’t think I should tell him, Y/n thought. It would be difficult if she were to be seen with a man days before she meets her husband to be. “Hmm, call me daisy. It’s only fair since I call you dandelion!”

“Whatever. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a good spar in. I have you to thank, daisy.” “I could say the same. Thanks Dandelion.” 

From the bushes, Y/n revealed her picnic basket and proceeded to lay out the contents. “I expected a dainty lunch from you, but you eat like a fucking soldier!” The girl’s face flushed from Bakugou’s teasing but mostly from the laugh that one could listen to for days.

The lunch had a few small portions of greens but it mostly consisted of meat.

“Shut up you damn porcupine! Just eat or else I’m giving your share to Kirishima!” At the sound of food and his name, the dragon’s head whipped fast. “Oi red, don’t even dare.”

Taglist: @the-sander-fander @cathwritestragediesnotsins @emilymikado @itsmysticalmystery @yoonbbyboy @karissassirak

[fific7]

Dangerous and Divine - Part 5

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon except for a few random points mentioned this time. It’s mainly fluff, lemon zest 🍋 and a bit of angst. There’s also some Billy POV in there. The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: Some drinking & swearing.

(My GIF)

A grin curved his lips upwards, “How d’you like your eggs in the mornin’, ma’am?”

“Over easy,” you grinned back. He tapped his shoulder a couple of times with the kitchen spoon, “Ummm.. how about scrambled? And then I’ll give you the “over easy” version afterwards.”

That damn smirk of his, you thought, it’s downright dangerous.

The two of you were sitting at your kitchen island, eating breakfast. The scrambled eggs were really tasty, you complimented him. He’d preened a little, “I’m quite a good cook, sweetheart,” he said, “learned how to look after myself quite early on in life.”

Suddenly he put his fork down, and looked over at you. His face was serious, and you saw some sadness in his eyes. “My mother abandoned me when I was a really young kid. She was a junkie, and couldn’t look after herself never mind me, so I suppose I should thank her. I’d probably be dead otherwise. Got put in a group home, stayed there until I aged out and went straight into the Marines. And got my degree on the government’s dime.”

Your hand moved to cover his, “Billy, you’ve done so well, and you’ve achieved it all on your own. I’m proud of you, and I hope you’re proud of yourself too.” He beamed at you, eyes crinkling at the corners, “Yeah... yeah, I am. Thanks, angel, I appreciate you sayin’ that. I wanted to tell you about it, wanted to be honest with you. In case when you saw the suits, the car, the penthouse and all, you thought I was some kind of privileged trust fund kid.”

He looked down, “There’s a stigma about growin’ up in the system, y’know? I wanted to get it out on the table so you know who I really am and where I came from.”

“I don’t care about that, Billy.” He nodded, thumb stroking your hand which was still on top of his. “I really hoped that you wouldn’t ... but I wanted to be sure, and I’m really glad you feel like that. Also I needed you to know that I’m bein’ honest with you.”

You thought you saw a closed-off look on his face for a moment, but then it was gone and he smiled over at you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You had spent the rest of Sunday together, lazing around, watching various shows on Netflix before venturing out for a late lunch to a local diner. Billy had eventually headed home after another steamy session in the bedroom, regretful about not spending the night, sighing that he had a really early start in the morning, a ‘job’ he couldn’t tell you anything about.

He’d explained a bit more about his work earlier in the day while you were eating in the diner. How a lot of it was classified as it was military or political in nature, so he couldn’t go into detail. You’d nodded, and said you understood. But you’d asked some questions nevertheless; how many of the assignments did he go on himself, just how dangerous they were, had he or his men ever been injured.

You got the impression that, although he couldn’t tell you much about who was involved or why they needed protection details, he was pleased you were showing an interest in his work.

The two of you agreed that you’d meet up during the week, Billy saying he’d text you to confirm when and where as he wasn’t sure how long this job would last, maybe at least a couple of days.

He’d insisted on putting his numbers into your phone himself, so you’d unlocked it and handed it to him, wandering back to your bedroom to put some more clothes on. Shortly afterwards he’d kissed you long and hard and made his way downstairs to his car, and you’d watched from your balcony as he drove away. Then you’d laughed at yourself - you were acting like some medieval damsel watching her knight disappear off to war or something.

Sliding the glass door closed, you went to the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine. The apartment suddenly felt very empty without Billy in it. How quickly you’d got used to him being there.

You wandered across to the sofa with your newly-poured glass of wine, noticing your phone on the coffee table. Oh yeah, Billy had added his numbers. A sudden twinge of insecurity hit you. What if he hadn’t actually put his direct numbers in there, and just pretended to? You sat down, looking at it lying there. I mean, it wasn’t like you couldn’t track him down at Anvil, but you would no doubt have to go through a receptionist and you could be endlessly stone-walled.

You eventually picked up the phone and unlocked it. Scrolling to your contacts, you suddenly burst out laughing. Billy had put his numbers in there and had also taken a selfie, him smouldering into the camera. He’d attached it to the contact details with a description.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy drove away from her apartment, truly wishing he could’ve stayed over again.

But then he’d shaken his head slightly, laughing to himself; she’d definitely got one thing right - he was a big sap. Since when did he find himself almost playing house with a woman? Telling her she was his girlfriend - as she’d put it - after five minutes? He was a one-and-done kinda guy!

But then Billy Russo admitted to himself that something had hit him smack in the heart when he’d first seen her, sitting there looking stunning and somehow fragile with that creep trying to come onto her. Well turns out she wasn’t fragile in the least! However when those beautiful eyes had met his... well, he was a goner. Solid gone. And then he’d pursued her like a lovestruck idiot.

He hadn’t ever seriously thought about love. Or believed in it, for that matter. Certainly not when he’d been bedding all those women when he’d been on leave or since he’d left the Marines. All that shit just wasn’t for him. And now? Yeah, not so sure.

Billy almost felt like he was under some kind of spell, it had hit him so quickly. Yeah, like she’d enchanted him or something ridiculous, straight out of a Disney or Harry Potter movie. Was this love, then? His stomach clenched every time he saw her, he just couldn’t stop thinking about her, wanted to be with her all the time, hell he was even jealous of Jake though he wasn’t a threat. Was he? No, surely not. And what about Steve, the other one? Yeah, there he was doing it again - unreasonable jealousy.

And when they’d first slept together, he felt like he’d finally understood what making love meant.

Billy Russo, who until a few days ago had spent most of his leisure time in life actively fucking women - how he’d always described it to himself and others - was now a confirmed big sap. He chuckled to himself.

He suddenly remembered ripping the shit out of a young Marine in his squad who’d come back off leave totally besotted with some girl. The kid had confessed (stupid move) to all the guys that they’d made love, a distant and dreamy look in his eyes. At the time, Billy had scoffed at him and endlessly humiliated him about it. In an affectionate way of course, he told himself.

But he felt guilty about that. Who’s the one with the distant and dreamy gaze now, Russo?

In all truth, Billy felt like he was having some kind of out of body experience. As if Previous Billy Russo was looking down in horror at his new self, yelling at him to get his fucking head back on straight. But New Billy Russo wasn’t listening because, well because he realised he liked feeling this way.

And he thought that she felt the same. He knew she was fighting it and wouldn’t admit anything to him, but there were little tells that had given her away. He decided he’d stay on his best behaviour, just keep trying to win her over, and he felt in his bones that they would be together.

But he did feel a sting of guilt. He had been honest with her, but he’d also been selective with what he’d told her about Anvil, how it all started, and this ongoing shit he and Frank were still embroiled in. One day... one day, and hopefully soon, he could tell her absolutely everything.

His phone, clipped to the dash, vibrated.

He rolled his eyes when he saw the caller ID, hit the button and answered it.

“Dinah... what can I do for you?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You, meanwhile, had just finished your second glass of wine and were admitting to yourself that you were really missing Billy. Oh this is bad, your brain yelled at you, very bad. You’d only known this guy for a few days and you were falling for him. Or - okay - had already fallen for him. It scared you, quite honestly.

He was charming, funny, handsome, sexy. An amazing lover. He’d been disarmingly honest with you about his past, but... but what? Why was there a ‘but’? Because there was something niggling at the back of your mind. Just a couple of expressions you’d seen on his face, quickly gone. An indication of more happening just underneath the surface than you knew about. Billy had a distinct air of danger about him, and you wondered what else was going on inside that dark head of his.

You’d fallen for him, yes... but you were also going to remain wary of him, until you were certain you knew everything you could about him.

Reaching over and pulling your laptop towards you across the coffee table, you typed Billy’s name into Google.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next morning, Billy parked his car and walked into Anvil. His reception staff wished him a respectful Good Morning, he nodded to them and headed upstairs to his office. Frank was already there, reading a newspaper.

“Mornin’ Bill,” he said, looking up. “Frankie,” nodded Billy, “want a coffee?” and kept on walking towards the coffee machine in the corner. “Nah, just had one, thanks.”

He poured out an Americano for himself, then chuckled loudly. Frank quirked an eyebrow at him, and Billy shrugged back. “I met someone last week. She owns two cafés, and she’s a coffee snob. Gonna refine my palate, she said.”

Frank looked back down to his paper before commenting, “I’m impressed you know that much about her, Bill. Didn’t think you bothered cos you usually cut & run.” Billy smirked, knowing he couldn’t dispute what Frank had just said, but he was going to enjoy the next slice of the conversation. Even just to see the expression on Frank’s face.

“I....like her. A lot. I want something with her.” “Something?” Frank chortled, “...you mean, like a relationship, Bill?” He looked closely at Billy, saw the shit-eating grin he had on his face and his jaw dropped. “You do, don’t you?! Fuckin’ hell! Never thought I’d see the day, Russo.” Billy burst out laughing.

“Well, that makes two of us, Frankie. But...” he spread his hands out to either side of him, “...it is what it is. And I’ll fill you in on all the details later. Now, this thing with Madani and Homeland - let’s get it nailed down.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

That same morning, you sat at your desk and slowly twirled from side to side in your chair. You sipped your cappuccino, and thought about Billy.

Little cousin had done you a favour this time and earlier on had delved into her company’s database, digging out some further information on Billy and Anvil which Google couldn’t provide you with. All it had given you was the bare minimum of the company’s founding date and numerous photos of Billy looking hot in his designer suits.

She told you she’d heard of him, and had also seen him at several events similar to the one you’d attended. You’d admitted you were seeing him, and she’d firstly screeched down the phone at you, nearly bursting your eardrum, before saying, “Now see, if you hadn’t gone in my place you wouldn’t have met him!” “Yeah, yeah, alright. Tell me what you’ve got for me.”

In a more serious tone, she said, “Just be careful though, his company seems a little... well, shady let’s just say. I mean, in the security business,” her voice lowered, “there’s usually some dodgy dealings or other going on. But him and his colleagues seem to have got themselves in some deep water with two federal agencies. I’ll email this stuff to you now and you’ll see what I mean.” You thanked her and hung up before she could tell you that now you owed her another favour.

You’d read through the attachments she’d sent you, and your eyes had got wide as you read that Billy and Anvil had originally been funded by a shadowy CIA guy, who’d then been killed in a gun battle between un-named protagonists. You sussed out that Anvil must’ve been one of those involved, as Billy and his friend Frank had been arrested and interrogated by Homeland Security before being released without charge. That struck you as a bit odd, but there were no more details available.

Your phone had chosen that moment to buzz with a FaceTime call from the man himself. You’d hesitated then accepted the call, and Billy’s handsome face popped up in front of you, with a wide smile plastered on it. You could see he was in his car. “Mornin’, sweetheart,” he said in a low sexy voice, and you felt your stomach tighten with excitement. This guy... the effect he had on you....!

You’d smiled and replied, “Morning, Billy.” He tilted his head towards you, dark eyes drawing you in, “Missin’ me? Because I’m missing you.” Shaking your head, smirking, you said, “We only saw each other a few hours ago so no, I’m not.” A cheeky grin from him this time, “Don’t believe you, angel, I think you can’t wait to see me again.” “You’re such a cocky bastard, Billy,” you laughed, “Why are you calling, exactly?”

His smile was a genuine one as he said, “I just wanted to see you before I head off to this job. Not sure when I’ll be able to call next. Remember - I’ll let you know as soon as I can when we can meet up this week.” You nodded, “Yeah, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.” He blew you a kiss, saying “Bye, angel,” before he rang off.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

One of your friends had called shortly afterwards to ask if you wanted to meet up for lunch, as you hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. Deciding that you could do with some girl time, you arranged to meet her in a steak house near the Chrysler Building, and then decided you’d better get some work done before you headed out for your long lunch hour.

The two of you had met up just outside the restaurant and had gone in chatting away to each other. Being shown to your table, you sat down only to spot Billy Russo walking in behind a small dark-haired woman. Your mouth dropped open, and your eyes took in every detail of her. She was pretty, with big dark eyes, olive skin and wavy hair in a shoulder-length bob. Billy, you noted, had his hand on her lower back, guiding her to their table, just as he had with you when you went for your first drink with him.

You leant forward to your friend, “I’m so sorry about this but we’re gonna have to go somewhere else.” She looked concerned, “What’s wrong?” “Someone I need to avoid just came in,” you explained, “c’mon, I’ll tell them I’ve had an emergency at work or something.” You both stood up, and you fled from the restaurant before you repeated your actions at that house party, which had got you arrested. You didn’t want to end up in jail this time just because of that jerk and his little lady.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy looked up as two women who’d been sitting near him stood up and started rushing towards the door. Weird, he thought, they hadn’t even been served judging by the menus still laying on their place settings. He looked back at them, and one of them turned back briefly to her friend behind her as they exited the premises.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. It was her. His angel. Oh fuck! Did she..? Yes, she must’ve seen him and... he glanced at Madani across the table from him, reading through the menu choices. She glanced up, smirking at Billy but it quickly dropped off her face, when she saw the expression on his.

“Billy?” she said, but he’d dumped his napkin onto his plate by now and was standing up.

“Sorry, Dinah... I gotta go.” An annoyed look on her face, she growled, “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. I... there’s someone I gotta catch up with, and I just saw them leaving.” He walked away from their table, and towards the door of the restaurant. As he did so he heard Madani say in a harsh voice, “Is it a woman, Russo?” but ignored her.

He made it out onto the street, looking around him in all directions, heart sinking as he couldn’t see her anywhere.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #10

The Journey into the Mondo Levidian Part 2

The true untold tale of All-Maudra Mayrin’s inaugural adventure!

Well, untold in the show. Comic is telling plenty.

In part one, Mayrin becomes All-Maudra and has plenty of unresolved mother issues and insecurity about it. Her first crisis is the growing Sifan separatist movement which threatens to shatter Gelfling solidarity and make her more of a Most-Maudra. She charters a ride with Captain Kam’Lu to go speak to the separatist leader Fenth but the ship goes and sinks.

So far we’ve had a journey so far but not into or Mondo Levidian. We probably should get around to that soon. There’s only three issues left.

So let’s get started!

When the ship sank, Mayrin jumped overboard to save Kam’Lu. Now they’re stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft.

Mayrin is insistent that they try to find and save the crew of the Scalene Anchor and also Dot. Kam’Lu is equally insistent that No That’s A Terrible Idea. They have no food, no water, and no hope of survival unless they’re lucky enough to find land. They’re in no position to rescue anyone else. Plus...

There are political considerations.

Kam’Lu: “If the other clans believe the Sifans killed the All-Maudra, we’ll never be trusted again.”

He also mentions that Fenth predicted that THIS EXACT SITUATION might happen if the All-Maudra intervened in the Sifan separatist movement.

Huh.

Speaking of Fenth, the plot cuts over to him for a bit.

He learns of the sinking the Scalene Anchor and the presumed death of the New-All-Maudra and thinks hey, its free real estate.

High Councilor Fenth: “That means... There’s no one in line for the All-Maudra’s throne! The seat is vacant!”

skekSa: “How... fortunate! Haha! Ha! Haha! You wanted autonomy for the Sifans! Freedom from the greedy hands of the Vapra clan, yes? That is why honored me with this grand tithing -- to enlist my immortal aid? I am the only one who is sympathetic to your cause. That is why the Skeksis are here. To help Gelfling lead...!”

Call it a shot in the dark but I feel like skekSa was involved in the suspicious sea monster sinking of the Scalene Anchor.

Of course, she’ll probably get away with it. It’d spoil the surprise too early if a Skeksis was caught doing an evil scheme.

Also, look at the ambition on Fenth. Grows up in a matriarchy where clan leaders are always women, where the word for clan leader means ‘clan mother’ and thinks to himself ‘psssh i can do that.’ Good on him. Dream big, guy.

Back over with our mismatched comedy duo, as all Dark Crystal stories must have, Mayrin and Kam’Lu have some mismatched comedy duo banter.

Like her criticizing him for not being able to find land despite being a captain of a ship. And then immediately spotting land while he’s indignantly defending his credentials.

Or her maligning his swimming abilities since he fell off a boat and got knocked unconscious and had to be saved from drowning by her.

So he decides to turn this into a swimming contest, winner gets to be All-Maudra.

Good fun.

Just how I like my Gelfling buddy comedies.

Of course, its all fun and games until the island turns out to be a sea monster that eats them.

And it turns out that the island is a sea monster that eats them.

A mondo levidian, if I had to guess.

Giant turtles passing as landscape. Giant monsters being mistaken for islands. This comic series is too good to me.

So the two slide down the mondo levidian’s throat (gross) MANAGING TO BICKER ON THE WAY DOWN!

Kam’Lu: “Don’t you have wings?!”

Mayrin: “They don’t work well when they’re wet!”

Amazing.

They slide and slorp and flump all the way down to presumably the stomach.

But as they stop to rest, they realize they’re not alone.

Sulub: “Yer some kinda fishie-fish I ain’t ever seen! Betchur tasty! Anyway! No wrigglin’ while I kill ya good!”

OH MY GOD

This comic series is too good to me.

Look at this delightful podling crabtaur.

Once Kam’Lu proves immune to Sulub’s “advanced technology” (ie Sulub stabs Kam’Lu in the foot with a spear), the podcrab agrees to take the two Gelfling to see his village elder.

Sulub actually assumes that Mayrin and Kam’Lu are married and here on honeymoon at the thriving fish digestive system tourism industry I guess. Mayrin claims that Kam’Lu is just a fool and her servant (and Kam’Lu doesn’t speak Podling very well so has no idea about this) and introduces herself as the All-Maudra.

Sulub: “ALL-MAUDRA! The legendary All-Maudra! Well, why didn’t ya say so! Sulub is gilltickled and downright honored to lead ‘the all-powerful and all-knowing’ All-Maudra to our home. You’ll be enjoyin’ to know we’ve kept care of your most regal gifts! Still in pristine condition for havin’ come in a while ago!”

The gut city of Bajula has a statue of the previous All-Maudra, one apparently commissioned when Mayrin was baby.

Huh.

Well. Its helpful to Mayrin that they know about the All-Maudra and are excited to have her here. And that they’re assuming that she sent the statue ahead of herself, like luggage.

Sulub tours Mayrin and Kam’Lu around Bajula. Showing them the goo farms, the visitor center, the fermented... milk wine bar.

The king shows up and is disappointed that the Gelfling want to leave so soon into their visit and asks if Sulub even bothered to show them the goo farms!

But since Mayrin insists that they have important outside stuff to do outside, the king decides to rush through some exposition.

These podling crabs? They’re called Boblings.

Bobling King: “Thousands of trine ago, my tribe set out to explore the Silver Sea as proud, stalwart Podlings! Our regal forefathers were not known to swim, but their bravery was unmatched, and they set out to conquer everything they discovered! All those who would get in their way would be destroyed by the might of the Podlings! Yet there are creatures in this world that are mightier, and the Mondo Leviadin emerged from the Silver Sea and devoured their ships. Thousands of digestive cycles passed as we changed to better suit our new home. Our new world.”

An unstoppable army of Podlings sounds funny until you remember how awesome Hup is. The Mono Levidian may have spared the peoples of Thra a tragic fate.

Also, I’m a big impressed at the lack of linguistic drift. Thousands of trine and Bobling language is indistinguishable from Podling and Gelfling is still recognizable.

Kam’Lu gets fed up with the Bobling King and starts yelling that he’s cold, he’s hungry, he doesn’t want to be in a fish’s guts! Mayrin manages to convince the king by speaking of duty.

Bobling King: “You speak of duty. I know it well. As a leader of my kind, I would do anything for their survival. So yes, I will help you and your servant. Why you married him, I will never know.”

Kam’Lu: “Her what? We’re what?!”

Hah, that misunderstanding is paying dividends.

The king explains that the levidian only surfaces to feed once per trine and that it stays near the surface for a time after feeding.

So if Mayrin and Kam’Lu don’t get to the porticol (blowhole) within eight or so intestinal groans (.... hours??), they’ll be stuck until next trine.

WHICH IS GOING TO BE REAL BAD FOR MAYRIN’S CAREER.

Even though the Boblings are but a simple goo-farming people, the king sends his daughter Gunda, the most skilled hunter in Bajula, to escort them.

Gunda: “But father, the journey as never been done by a single Bobling. You send me into certain danger!”

King: “And do you not crave danger?! My daughter, you are the only one capable and brave enough to undertake such a quest! Please! A duty for your king!”

Gunda: “So be it. I will guide you to the porticol, but know that it is dangerous and uncharted. There are many creatures that call this place home. We must be vigilant. Stalwart. Like my podling ancestors!”

This is a fun little bit because it implies a life and experiences and that these Boblings haven’t just been sitting waiting for protagonists to show up. I mean, they also have been doing that. They have a visitor center set up. But they’ve been living their own dramas.

And off they go! Mayrin, Kam’Lu, and Gunda! On a grand journey to a giant sea monster’s blowhole!

Wait, is this thing a mammal?

So that’s issue 2.

We’re finally in the Mondo Levidian. And now all the protagonists want is to get out. So we’ve got the title, we’ve got an objective, we’ve got some fun side cast, we’ve got a ticking clock before Mayrin and Kam’Lu have to look at the sea monster gut apartment listings, and we’ve got some outside stakes!

Mayrin continues to impress. There’s even a moment right when Kam’Lu rouses after the shipwreck where he seems in awe of her confidence in a crisis.

Kam’Lu has his own personality now that’s not parroting Fenth. Its being a butt monkey, with a slight shade of being a little shit. Between Mayrin giving him shit for supposedly being bad at sailor stuff to getting stabbed in the foot by Boblings twice to being mistaken for Mayrin’s servant-husband, Kam’Lu is having a trying adventure. Plus his ship sank and all of his friends may be dead and if they fail to escape the Mondo Levidian, he’ll go down in history as the idiot that got an All-Maudra killed.

Poor guy.

Gunda has only had two pages to shine and she seems endearing! But it feels weird that Sulub isn’t coming along. He’s the introductory Bobling and all. But I guess speaking only Podling would be an impediment to interacting with Kam’Lu. Still, its weird that he just seems to fade out of the story once the king shows up.

Farewell, Sulub, you funky crab potato.

[t-lostinworlds]

Babied (Tom Holland)

A/N: This will be the last of the requests for now since I have my own works i need to get too aha, so the anons who sent a few, I hope you don’t mind waiting a little longer <3 anyway, here’s another fluffy piece that’s made me want to cuddle with Tom even more. Short but extra sweet. Hope you guys enjoy!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Requested:

@ anon, first off, thank you so much you sweetheart! second, thank you for waiting love, hope you like this one <3

Warnings: Just pure wholesome fluff & maybe typos

Word Count: 1.7k

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

"Where is he?" You asked the moment you stepped inside the boys' house, worry etched on your features due to the faintly morbid text Harrison has sent you.

Said lad who was sat casually on the couch with a guitar in hand, head turning once he noticed your presence to greet you with a sympathetic smile. "He hasn't left his bed unless it's for the bathroom or food."

You sighed, muttering a quick 'thank you' to Harrison before you went into the kitchen to set down your bag of goods. Once done, you filled a tall glass of water full, holding it in one hand with the meds on the other. You went straight towards Tom's room right after, silently prying the door open as you made your way inside.

You felt your heart ache at the sight of your boyfriend, all curled up into a ball under the covers. You can just hear his heavy breaths, a soft groan following suit once he shifted from lying to his side to flat on his back. You made your way towards him, handsome face now in full view, brows furrowed as he squeezed his eyes shut, unaware that he had company until you set the glass of water and medicines gently on the nightstand.

Peeking an eye open, Tom stared at you in pure surprise, blinking rapidly to see if you were actually real. "Y/N? What're you doing here?" He grumbled, voice deep and hoarse as he sniffled.

You frowned at him—at his state to be specific—in utter concern, the bed dipping as you sat on the space beside him. "Haz said you've been groaning and moaning like you're dying so I came as soon as I can."

Tom shook his head with a scoff, gradually pushing himself to sit up—a slight task given that all his muscles were sore and aching—until he was close to eye-level with you, arms resting behind him to support his weight. "That's a bit of an exaggeration."

"I don't think so. You look like shit."

Tom's face was all puffy, hair going on different directions, unruly on top of his head. His eyes looked too tired with the bags under them to match, lips all chapped, nose red due to him always rubbing it with a tissue, irritating the skin, and his whole complexion is just downright pale, drained from any color making him look sickly, still handsome of course, but sickly.

He tilted his head at you with a pout. "Well, thanks darling, I love you too."

You felt your lips quirk up at that, hand going to cup his face, the heat of his skin searing on your palm. Your frown was quick to make a comeback at the feeling.

"Have you checked your temp?"

Tom nodded with a hum and a soft sniffle, leaning into your touch like a cute puppy, wearing a tired yet soft smile, brown orbs staring at you adoringly that's made your heart melt ten times over. "Hmm, it's just a fever love, don't worry too much."

Stroking your thumb softly on his warm cheek, you gave him a knowing look. "I care about you Thomas, I'll always worry a bit more."

Tom lets out a soft chuckle, turning his head to place a sweet kiss on your palm before pulling away from your touch reluctantly. "I know. I don't want you to catch it too though."

You stood up, Tom's eyes following your movement as you took the glass of water off the nightstand and handed it to him. "I'm going to be fine Tom. Now, let me take care you."

He grinned widely at that, corners of his eyes crinkling. "Are you going to baby me? I love getting babied by you." You shook your head at him with a laugh, leaning forward to give his forehead a loving peck, Tom letting out a soft sigh of content at the gesture.

"Drink up bub, you've got to stay hydrated." You thought his grin couldn’t get any wider but it did, a cute giggle coming out of Tom as he followed your instructions, lifting up the glass to his lips and emptied it out, eyes never losing that sweet crinkle.

He truly does love being babied.

Turning to catch a glimpse of the meds, you asked. "Did you drink any medicine today?" Tom shook his head no with a sheepish smile, handing you the empty glass in the process. "I thought I could just sleep it off." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at your boy. "Of course you did."

"I'll go get you some food so you can drink some meds." After earning a soft 'okay', you made your way out of his room, and back in the kitchen to heat up the broccoli and chicken noodle soup you've already made beforehand, and as if moths on a flame, the boys came rushing in the kitchen, nose upturned to see what the tasty smell was.

"Can I have some?" Harry asked, eyes hopeful, Harrison mirroring his expression as they leaned on the kitchen counter. You knew making more than one serving was the right call, especially when Tom lives in a house full of always, hungry lads. "Yes, but don't eat it all up and leave some for your brother later."

Both boys shouted in glee at that, fussing around the kitchen to get their own spoons and bowls, lining up on your right as they waited, like kids at lunch time. You let out a laugh, head shaking at their antics.

With a tray filled with a hot bowl of soup, some ginger tea, and another glass of water later, you made your way back to Tom's room, his head perking up from the pillow the moment he heard your footsteps. A lazy smile was plastered on his lips as he watched you place the tray on his bedside table, sighing at the heavenly smell that managed to slip through his stuffed nostrils.

"I'm such a lucky guy aren't I?" He hummed as he pushed himself back up. Once his back was rested on the headboard, his whole face crinkled, one second pause before letting out a loud, hard sneeze. Tom groaned, hand reaching on the opposite nightstand towards his box of tissues, wiping himself clean and then throwing them in the bin just in front of said nightstand.

You shot him a sympathetic smile. "Bless you."

"I love you." Tom responded with a beam, extending the last vowel, voice soft and sweet with the glow in his eyes to match, and by the gods above he never does fail to make you fawn over him, even when he's ill.

"You're so adorable you know that?" You gushed, running your nimble fingers through his hair comfortingly.

"Thought I look like shit?" Tom raised his one messy brow at you, tone playfully accusing. You giggled. "You do, but still adorable nonetheless. Now scoot."

You sat on the bed once he moved, taking the bowl of soup in your hand, scooping a spoonful and lifting it up to his lips. Tom couldn’t erase the love-struck look he had on his face, his eyes boring into yours, coated with nothing but fondness, humming at the warm, comforting feeling once he ate.

"I thought you just had a fever Tom, didn't know you lost a hand too." Harry joked as he pop his head inside Tom's room. "You're just jealous 'cause you don't have a girlfriend who'd baby you." The older brother mocked, Harry letting out a loud laugh before disappearing back outside.

Once he finished as much soup that he could, you handed him the ginger tea and the meds, a sweet thank you coming out of his lips as he drank. Tom sighed in pure relief, body feeling lighter, fever slowly dropping. It filled your heart with comfort just seeing the color gradually seep back into his skin.

"Warm bath?" You offered, smiling sweetly at him and Tom stared at you, features covered with awe, utter wonder as to how he's managed to have someone like you in his life. "God, I'm so in love with you. I so badly want to kiss you but I don't want you getting sick too and argh the struggle is real darling."

A hearty laugh erupted from your chest at his input, smile all wide as you placed a chaste kiss on his temple, whispering on his skin ever so tenderly. "I love you too, you dork."

You took the dirty dishes back to the kitchen, and after that, you went straight to the bathroom to run him a bath, helping him up and off the bed next. Giggles and laughs bounced off the white tiles as he slowly undressed himself, teasing jokes thrown about before he finally slipped into the bath.

Countless times of begging, from Tom's puppy-dog eyes to his adorable pout, you gave in to his request with a sigh, stripping out of your own clothes and joining him in the tub. You talked about anything and everything, deep thoughts to something silly with Tom situated comfily between your legs, his back rested against your chest, your fingers rubbing at his temples soothingly.

Once the water started to turn cold, you two got out of the bath. Tom gave you a loving hug from behind and a sweet just below your ear, so smitten and in love before letting you go to change into fresh sets of clothes.

Now, both of you were cozily tangled on his bed, the television playing some random show just to fill up the room with soft noise. Tom laid right on top of you, his face pressed on the crook of your neck, warm air tickling your skin as he lets out a gratifying breath.

"Feel better?" You cooed, hand running up and down his back comfortingly. Tom nodded, snuggling closer to your side, placing a warm kiss on your collarbone before murmuring, voice soft and sleepy. "Loads better."

You hummed all satisfied. "Now, get some rest you big baby."

"Your baby." Tom grumbled, breath slowly steadying, indicating that he was slowly drifting off.

You giggled, nodding in agreement and giving him a loving squeeze, turning your head to press your lips on his head sweetly. With tone laced with adoration, completely enamored with the boy in your arms, heart full and oozing with pure love, you whispered,

"My baby."

-:-:-:-:-

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Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2​​ @hollanddolanfangirl​​ @keepingupwiththehollands​​

[powerbottomeminem]

The guy hadn't been lying, there were more than a dozen different flavors of roasted almonds and some other roasted nuts as well. They each bought a little bag, Ryan got his almonds with chocolate-mint flavor and Marshall got a batch with balsamic-raspberry flavor.

"Let me try yours", Marshall asked his friend curious and he already stuck his fingers into Ryan's nuts. He snickered at the phrasing of this thought.

Ryan smirked amused. "Only if I get some of yours."

Of course his friend could and Marshall held up his little bag of almonds, so Ryan had easier access to them. "It's pretty good, still sweet as fuck, though."

"Fitting", Ryan mumbled while chewing and slowly nodded in agreement. This was pretty tasty.

Marshall blinked. What did that mean?

"You seen you?", Ryan said with a playful smile. "You got rosy cheeks like a toddler, that's pretty sweet. Downright cute even."

Marshall crinkled his nose. "I ain't cute. That's just the cold, dude, it's freezing." He raised his shoulders in a protective reflex and the fake fur of the coat's hood reached into his face. It tickled his nose and he sneezed small, high-pitched.

"Yeah … No, you ain't helping your case there", Ryan stated dryly.

Marshall grumbled and scratched his nose, which was tingly from the fur. "I'm a grown-ass man, asshole", he huffed. And he sure as shit wasn't cute. Oh come on, we both know what you’re doing here, slut.

"I know", Ryan agreed with heavy nodding. "You're older than me, like by a big enough margin actually, so believe me, I know."

Marshall grumbled some more. He usually was the oldest compared to his friends. Well, in numbers at least.

"Still", Ryan shrugged, "I think, it's a good thing, you know."

He saw that very different. Cute was for little kids and young women, not for men. Then stop being cute, bitch, problem solved. But you can't, can you. That only invited all kinds of harassment. "Yeah, how would that be?", he muttered.

"It's just how you are. I told you, I like you. I like you in all your multifaceted weirdness and that includes you being nice and sweet every once in a while." Ryan's voice dropped down to an intimate whisper.

This tone raised goose bumps all over Marshall's body. What was he supposed to answer to a statement like this? How about another blowjob, homo, he certainly is in to that. He nodded with a low hum.

…

A snippet from my "Love Is Ǝvil" story.

[shinelikethunder]

"#'what circumstances exactly' you ask? congrats! now you're asking the right questions#feel free to join the rest of us in arguing endlessly over the answers at essay length because this shit's complicated" i'd love your thoughts!

(re: the tags on this post about suspension of moral disbelief)

I mean, there are plenty of finer details lurking in that “exactly” that I won’t even pretend to have well-formed answers for. But applying the concept of ‘suspension of disbelief’ to morality is just... a thing people do with stories. All the time! The decision to play along with it can be well-judged or ill-judged, just like most other human exchanges of ideas, and the demands a story makes of its audience can be beneficial or pernicious or just plain expedient. All you really need for it to be in play is:

some kind of moral skepticism to suspend (re: consequences, risk, what really matters here, the innate horrificness of a transgression, whatever)

some sufficient incentive to suspend it (catharsis, Feeeeels, wish fulfilment, digging into the appeal of something that’d be a terrible idea IRL, neat thought experiments, compelling trainwrecks, having more important things to Story about...)

some level of confidence that this is a temporary setting-aside of scruples for the duration of your stay in Fictionland, not actual persuasion about something you’ll potentially take with you into real life that demands fuller scrutiny

And there’s no one uncomplicated answer on that for any story. Different people are gonna have different reactions to the same work, on all three points. There are fandoms I just never got into, because the main characters didn’t grab me enough for there to be any incentive to play along with whatever their Standards-Warping Special Snowflake Bullshit was. There are others where I ate that shit up but grumped about it the whole time, because the writing seemed to be huffing its own paint fumes re: narratively vs actually justified. And others where it wasn’t bullshit or grump-worthy at all, because the story knew damn well when it was offering to take you for a ride and when it was in dead earnest and when it was having too much fun to know for sure. (And the last point, about RL persuasion, has a whole stable of sub-essays about intent, responsibility, actual effectiveness at persuading, risk of actually picking up unexamined bullshit vs. sheer annoyance at being sold a load of crap you have no interest in buying... it’s all complicated!)

The “moral suspension of disbelief” mechanism itself, though? It’s a routine part of telling and being told stories. It’s in play every time you don’t give a shit about the widows and orphans and rich inner lives of the redshirts getting killed off. Every time you take satisfaction in watching an obnoxious character meet an outlandishly awful fate they would never have deserved in real life. Every time you root for a protagonist pulling a long-shot heroic stunt that would recklessly endanger everyone around them if the laws of narrative probability weren’t so thoroughly in their favor.

I’m going to haul out Captain America: The Winter Soldier, a movie I love dearly, for examples of both a success and a failure at getting me, personally, to suspend judgement. On pretty much the same highly-morally-charged question of fact--the efficacy of torture, and how it’s portrayed in fiction. The success: I really don’t give a fuck that the movie trotted out a bunch of hoary old chestnuts about torture, brainwashing, and miraculously competent mindfucked double agents to get from Point A to all the tasty layers of identity porn we’re really here for. It’s convenient handwavium presented as Literal Comic Book Science. The traditional fearmongering about inhuman foreign enemies and their magical exotic mind-control techniques is a vaguely-gestured-at red herring; the onscreen horror is homegrown and ugly. The tropes themselves are a crock of shit, and the later movies completely dropped the ball on questions of responsibility and rehabilitation, but zero claims or assumptions about reality are being put forth here, except that The Really Bad Shit Is Coming From Inside The House.

The same can’t be said for Steve, Sam, and Natasha getting from Point A to Point "Obligatory exposition the movie could just as easily have delivered any other way” by... uh... staging a mock execution on a Hydra mole? And doing it as a quick, dirty, totally effective, totally-justified-by-the-Proverbial-Ticking-Clock, nasty-but-efficient way to get 100% accurate information out of someone who has zero incentive to cooperate. All of which is taken so thoroughly for granted that the whole scene, particularly the idea that Steve might consider it unconscionable, is played as a joke. That’s fucking rancid. Doubly rancid for this movie (whose politics are otherwise “what if the real fascism was the national-security state we built along the way”) to be blithely regurgitating the exact same War on Terror propaganda talking points that are still used to "justify” actual, real-life, really fucking recent US war crimes. Triply rancid to have the character who is literally called Captain America, who is supposed to be the country’s idealized conscience in the face of whatever its most topical ongoing failings happen to be, ringleading that shit. Listen, I love this movie, but that scene is straight-up morally indefensible. It skates by on good comic timing juuust long enough for the next big plot point to click into place and divert your attention before you can think too hard about it. But think about it for five seconds and it’s vile.

There was also a weird trend in some of the first waves of fanfiction after CA:TWS came out, which I suspect was the result of a mismatch in moral-disbelief-suspension between that movie and Person of Interest. Overall the tonal, thematic, and subject-matter overlap between the two canons is downright uncanny, but it’s not 100%, and one of the little differences is that the crew of maladjusted weirdoes on Person of Interest are big on “covert surveillance of your friends & loved ones as Actually A Gesture Of Affection.” A number of popular authors who’d written in both fandoms ported that over to CA:TWS fic as an endearing quirk to spice up the character dynamics, and let me tell you, it hit real differently in that universe.

[its-my-little-dumpster-fire]

Holiday/ Winter/ Seasonal Beverages, yes or no? Hot chocolate? Hot cider? Mulled wine? Egg nog? Peppermint flavoured things? Cranberry? Spices? Etc?

Nonny. You have unwittingly (or perhaps not) opened a can of worms so thick and wiggly they’ll never go back in.

The family gatherings. The pressure to find presents. The overall cheer in the air.

None of these things bother me quite as much as this.

CRANBERRY. SIERRA. MIST.

It’s my fucking favorite thing on planet earth and it just swoops in and out of my life with reckless abandon that leaves me on the kitchen floor clawing at my empty fridge like a junkie. And just about every year I read some article about how they aren’t going to release it anymore and my heart shatters thinking that I have unknowingly consumed my last drop without savoring it. Then I mourn. And then magically. Months into my acceptance. It returns in such scattered places and minimal amounts that my quest has begun anew. This cycle has repeated itself NIE on a decade.

I am haggard.

So I substitute.

Cranberry spice sprite is trash. Just don’t even.

Cranberry Ginger Ale is a solid second option, but it is not the same.

I dig cranberry. So hard. And my appreciation for it is year long. SO IMAGINE THE INNER TORMENT OF A WOMAN AT THE SONIC DRIVE IN LONGING FOR A CRANBERRY LIMEADE ONLY TO BE TOLD FOR THE SEVENTH TIME THAT YEAR THAT THEY ARE “SOLD OUT”. The nerve of you people, all of consumerist America, only giving cranberry the tart and tasty respect it deserves for 6 weeks a year. THE NERVE. Because of YOU, I ache.

So yeah, anything cranberry I’m down for. I just found cranberry limeade at Publix, so I’m pleased. Cranberry jello is dope. Before you ask, yes, I’ve taken that tangy nectar of pure cranberry and mixed it with Sierra Mist. It wasn’t bad. It was quite good. But do you know expensive straight up cranberry juice is? Not the ocean spray cocktail bullshit sold by dudes in grundies and waders. The real deal? Expensive. Time to move to Maine I guess idk.

The rest of the stuff you mentioned, shoulder shrug. It means nothing to me.

A friend of mine just attacked me for never having tasted egg nog. I probably never will just to keep up that kind of visceral reaction from people who grew up in normal families.

Hot cider is fine, cold cider is fine. Up in until recently (thanks quarterlife crisis) I lived in the middle of apple picking country where cider is like water to these people so it’s just a normal beverage not for holiday consumption. In fact, in the summertime, you can get frozen ciders and that is downright delicious. Also cider and fireball. Or cider and southern comfort. Do yourself a solid and try both. Hot or cold or frozen. Doesn’t matter. Shits delicious.

I don’t like chocolate so hot chocolate bums me out. Unless it tastes like something else. Like mint. Or just marshmallow soup. I love marshmallows. It’s fine. I’d just prefer coffee or tea.

Mulled wine, I’ve only had at fancy banquets and gatherings and winter weddings in which I was on the catering team and had to make it for like 200 people. So it’s fine. It’s good. I don’t think I’d ever make it of my own accord. If someone asked I would load up the old crock pot, but I don’t froth at the mouth for it.

Peppermint....... probably my most positive reaction. I like the flavor. I like the tea. When I decide to be fancy and drink my girl coffee instead of my black grandpa coffee, it’s a latte with mint and mallow. But not peppermint, just regular mint with green leaves. So peppermints good I just don’t choose it very often. I like those peppermint taffy mint things with the Christmas trees on them that sit in church bowls and old ladies’ purses. Those are fly.

Blanket answer: the holiday season doesn’t get me going, so the associated flavors are just kinda meh. With the exception of cranberry. I fucking love cranberry.

I appreciate the ask though.

Your local Grinch is always read to ramble.