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#that shouldn't be enough to break me lol
the-blueberry-sage · 1 year
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Living in Norway, you'd think summers would go easy on me, but oh no. The coldness of the rest of the year sets my body up to be a cold-fighting machine and then BAM, summer massively turns up the heat over like 1 or 2 days. I'm an arctic fox stuck in the Sahara... I can't take this heat... the moderately warm day for people with normal relationships with temperature...
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guys please pray for me
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giantkillerjack · 4 months
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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rustbeltbabey · 4 months
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boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.
#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them#would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me#i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like#i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone#im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a#fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and#that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like.#break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early#in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming#to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about#howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking#stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it#even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i#probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough.#I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like#i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start.#anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^#🪽
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marklikely · 2 years
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the framing of the critic character in the menu really pissed me off bc no offense but if i was paying 12k for a meal and you served me a broken emulsification id comment on it too
#man. she was engaging in good faith with the art of the meal the entire time and the movie is just like. lol isn't she sooo pretentious#isnt it so pretentious to engage with high art and try to read into the artistry of it. just eat a cheeseburger#god that movie thematically was so stupid.#avpost#i have watched enough food network to know that not breaking a sauce is like#its not easy but its a basic skill that a professional chef is expected to have. and youre charging thousands for this#within your own metaphor its like you can't get pissy when a critic notices your very rookie mistakes#that frankly you shouldn't be making at a high level of prestigious art.#also for me any art thats like 'look this critic character is so mean they just hurt the poor artists' will literally never play#if one honest negative review shuttered your small business restaurant then maybe you were bad at food. sorry#AND LIKE. ok i know plenty of art has been unfairly panned by critics who didnt really get it#but in my eyes when i see a piece of art complain abt critics it doesnt come across that way#its more like 'im a scam artist and i dont like that critics can call me out for making garbage and passing it off as art'#thats just always how it plays to my eyes and ears yknow#like it feels overly defensive and thin skinned like you just cant handle people not liking your creation.#so yeah. im always gonna like default to 'idk man maybe the critics had a point about you'#im also just in general like. i dont often agree with professional critics but im glad they exist. im pro critique.#which makes me biased lol
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dbphantom · 2 years
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i heard we’re posting cringe
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naivety · 29 days
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this is why i'm a deadcoded samgirl
#j.txt#i have nothing left to cope with of course. is my solution rly to shut myself up for the 23843472th time in my life for the collective good#well yes. because it is genuinely the best option for the collective good#for the 46784342985th time#why am i always the only family member doing this tho!!!!!!! there are always more of u and it would be 10x easier if we All did it!!!!!!#THAT is more stressful than the shutting myself up 3825732904 times part lmao#like we're all fucked up and traumatized but i somehow find ways to make the effort for the Whole and sometimes that pisses me off!!!#not enough to do anything ultimately. pointedly. because it would be a detriment to the Whole. and now we complete the 324735675th cycle#i'm the second youngest in this family too how did this happen#this is WHY i'm a deancoded samgirl blaalbalblaba......#as i have a mini breakdown on main like genuinely#sorry again. torn between mortification guilt and love for fellow human beings trying to help#will try not to delete these and just bury them w more posts instead#ok update to be fair. in the past 94377419 times i shouldn't have been the only one prioritizing the collective. however#atm i am the person saddled w taking care of my two dependent siblings 1 older 1 younger. and i do have that material power#and it does mean i have that obligation to. unfortunately continue the cycle#as long as i've decided to fill this role for them or continue to since that's how it happened#which i have decided. and i'm an adult who committed to that and like i can't ignore that either#i will break... The Cycles... in what ways i still can lol. and eventually completely i am just choosing to do what i need to for all of us#to Survive. i will Survive and try to help them survive too until we're in a position to do more than just that#talking myself thru my own breakdowns#points to post. anyway#j shut UPP u can sleep now
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disc0-carp3t · 10 months
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reddit is either really good for advice or makes me borderline suicidal
#misc#delete later#i asked if i was earning enough money MINIMUM to pay for the expenses of looking after a dog#posted it referencing gbp and got people telling me i shouldn't own a dog at all because i earned less than $450#im sorry but $450 in gbp is £360#i wouldn't even consider owning a dog if i could only afford £360 a month im not fucking thick#for reference if anyone wants to weigh in in my dms or on this post#im looking at doing an apprenticeship and I'd be earning about £448 a month (wages are low because it's an apprenticeship lol)#i said would that be enough MINIMUM to afford the cost of a dog#as I'd be looking after it with my dad who's retired and living off his pension#i mentioned looking into german shepherds or collies or cane corsos or staffies#got told not to get a shepherd because of health complications they have (fair enough)#but then someone told me not to get staffies or corsos because 'I'd get judged' for having 'bad' dogs#im not getting a dog as a fucking status symbol im getting a dog as a companion#ALSO#people kept mentioning all this shitty superficial stuff like going to groomers and getting dogs' teeth brushed etc#if that's what you want to do go for it!! but from my dad's dog owning experience you dont NEED it#god im so fucking fed up with being told i can't do something just because im not fucking rich. give me a break im not stupid#sorry this went on for so long ive been so pissed off about it#if i ask for advice in england i don't want some tosser telling me that my adoption fee will be $4000 CD when it'll cost around £300#christ#also just to clarify im not saying that grooming and teeth brushing isn't essential because it definitely is#im saying that from dad's experience you can do it yourself
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pomefioredove · 1 month
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need overblot boys with epel, and floyd with a reader that randomly lore drops as if they're an old dad like "yeah lol my old school had a shooting once....anyways *SNOREE*" and when asked they just agree and walk away and never elaborate whatsoever💀 if you feel uncomfortable feel free to delete or ignore‼️love ya pookie💥
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ a reader with a backstory
I got u 🫡🫡
summary: wacky reader lore type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, floyd, jamil, vil, epel, idia, malleus additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu
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you find new ways to raise Riddle's blood pressure every day
little guy is worried enough as it is
you've already got your school work, taking care of Ramshackle, taking care of Grim, taking care of all the other freshmen, taking care of-
well... you get it
the last thing he needs is to hear another one of your stories
"oh, yeah, that's like the time I got stabbed"
"????? WHAT??"
what's entertaining to you and ADeuce is mortifying to Riddle
if you're not careful you'll end up sleeping on the floor in his room
where he can keep a close eye on you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
you're like Leona's little court jester
and he takes you with him everywhere
it's not easy to get a genuine laugh out of him, after all
besides, what's so bad about a little dark humor? it's not like you died or anything
he knows you're a resilient little thing
and you seem to love telling him about "that time you crawled into a drainage pipe", anyway
you make him laugh; he likes you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Azul indulges you
his white noise machine stopped working last month and you make for excellent background ambience
so, he lets you talk yourself in circles about your school work, your friends, Grim, Grim again
and then you drop the most HEINOUS bombshells in the middle
"blah blah blah Grim, blah blah Crowley, blah blah, that one time I got lost in the woods for a day, blah blah-"
he loses his train of thought every time
now, Floyd is the complete opposite
he will hyperfocus on the most mundane details
and ignore the bombshells
will give you an, "oh, that's cool" to your ghost story but will find you the pair of socks you mentioned liking three months ago
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Jamil is just fascinated by you
you as a person, of course
but also the fact that you're still alive
one night, he's explaining the reason he makes all of Kalim's food and you're like
"oh, yeah, I get it. I got mold poisoning once and hallucinated for a week"
?????
then you go right back to asking him about the recipe
sitting on the counter, as happy as could be
"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!!!"
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Vil is used to this
he knows that look on your face
he will shush you with a finger to your lips before you even start
"don't tell me, I'm stressed enough as it is"
he's going to break out if you keep at it
he finds you quite... macabre
which is entertaining until he sees you going down a flight of stairs without holding onto the railing and remembers all those stories you'd told him
he's just... concerned for you, that's all
and he does NOT appreciate Epel for encouraging it
"tell us more about the time you fell down that hill into that pile of rocks, Prefect!"
:D
like a kid in a candy store
learning new Lore is like the highlight of his week
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
"talk about having a high luck stat..."
Idia is more entertained than anything
he thought these kinds of things only happened in anime, but...
...there you are
it sounds like you experience more in a single month than he has in his whole life
and you know what?
GOOD
you can keep your freaky real-world experiences!
he'll just live vicariously through you
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
poor Malleus
he's been putting so much effort into learning and blending with human culture, and now here you are with your terrifying stories
you tell him in such earnest, too
you seem so... unbothered by it
perhaps humans are less fragile than he thought?
of course, he shouldn't have underestimated you in the first place :)!
then you come over for dinner one night
"hahah, yeah, last time I was at someone's house their grandma threw a lamp at my head and I got a concussion"
Silver and Sebek both go >_>
Lilia goes <_<
and then Malleus is there like, "ah, another fascinating tale :)"
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taehyungsgrowl · 2 months
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i missed u - myg x reader
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ex boyfriend yoongi...
lately @desertsunflower00 and i have not been able to shut up about an ex boyfriend!yoongi au so here i am trying to bring it to life :')
please be nice! i haven't written (for fun!) in about a year, but it's been encouraged by my therapist so here we are!
not proofread!
pairings: yoongi x y/n
warnings: feelings + avoiding feelings, exes, angst, smut (sex, making out, dry humping, hickies, unprotected sex, light exhibitionism (sorta?)
word count: 3,000
(also noteworthy: when I started this I didn't think it would be angsty, but it got away from me lol. definitely have an alternate ending in my drafts w a not as happy ending lol but I did my best to give these idiots hope in this one)
Yoongi noticed the goosebumps on your arm caused by the cool air blowing from his car. Without a second thought he adjusted the temperature to make it more comfortable for you.
He also noticed the way your eyes glanced from his face, to the hands gripping the steering wheel, and the back up to his face. With that he couldn't help the smirk that spread across his face.
That was the thing about Yoongi. He noticed everything about you. Even after breaking up with him he wasn't able to erase the way he responded to you - or the way he knew you.
You sighed, forcing your eyes off of him and back on the road ahead of you. The pink sky was slowly deepening into dark shades of indigo and violet. Your heart squeezed in your chest thinking of the way things had happened with Yoongi.
"I thought I was supposed to be the quiet one," he looked over at you, soft smile on his face. Your leg continued to bounce in nervousness.
"I'm just thinking," you hope that would satisfy him enough, but just as well of Yoongi knew you - you knew him.
You knew Yoongi probably better than you knew anyone else. Yourself included some may argue.
"Hm," he hummed unimpressed with your response. "Do you want me to take you back home? If you don't want to -"
"No!" you cut him off, looking back over at him. "I want this. I missed you," you admitted. You felt your face warm and you hoped Yoongi didn't notice the nervousness coming from you.
But of course he did.
His eyes met yours for what felt like an entire minute. A million things unsaid in his gaze.
A million things you weren't sure if you were ready to hear.
But he knew that.
Instead of saying all the things he wished he could, he let out a breath he had been holding and steered the car in a different direction.
You knew the way to his house - which is where you thought you were headed - but this wasn't it.
"Where are we going?" you question, watching the tall trees as you pass by.
"We need to talk - really talk," he looked at you when he emphasized the words, "and I can't do that if I'm driving so," he points his chin forward, showing you were approaching the lake nearby. "We're making a pit stop," he smiled your favorite smile. The smile that made his eyes crinkle and his gums show proudly.
He stopped the car after parking it to perfectly face the waterfront. The remaining sun shimmered off the water. Families at the playground were packing up their things and loading their kids in minivans.
"Really talk?" you shift in your seat to face him. "What does that mean?"
"Well," he slowly reached forward and used the knuckle of his index to lift your chin to meet his deep gaze. "When you texted me earlier and said you missed me and wanted to see me..." he let the question hang in the air for a moment, taking in every detail of your face.
"What did that mean?" he finished his sentence.
Was he regretting this? You shouldn't have reached out. Maybe you should have listened to the little voice in your head - he didn't want the same thing you did.
"I do miss you and I wanted to see you." you scanned his face for any sign that he didn't actually want this as much as you.
"Right," he nodded, "But since you got in my car you've acted like I'm some stranger," he chuckled, "It's just me, Y/N."
"Did you miss me?" the question leaves your lips before you can even think to stop it.
"I don't think I'll ever stop." he spoke the words with such reverent force it makes your heart still for a second.
It's your turn to nod - agreeing with all the unspoken words between you.
With as small as the interior of his car is, you still feel him too far away. He's less than a foot away and yet the small distance feels miles long.
"I don't think much has changed," you admit - your mind racing at all the possibilities if you were to try again with Yoongi. Would it even work? Why was your mind already there? You were here with him now. Just... catching up.
"Well, my hairs gotten longer," he joked trying to ease you. He tugs at his new length. His dark looked so inviting at this length. You fought the urge to reach across and card your fingers through it.
Thick dark hair, slightly curing inward at the nape of his neck. It was probably long enough to pull up into a little bun if he wanted.
"I like it," and the urge won - your hand reaches over and caress his locks.
Yoongi halts - letting you touch him. It was the first time you've touched him since you walked away from him over a month ago.
Had it only been a month? Being without him for that long had felt so much longer.
Yoongi grabbed your wrist before you can pull your hand away from him and brings it up to his lips, softly kissing your knuckles.
"You know we don't have to have any answers right now..." he slowly lowered your hand, but continued to hold it - intertwining his fingers with yours. That brought back so many memories.
Locking hands under blankets during movie nights. Secret hand holding under dinner tables. His hand firmly guiding you through crowded streets.
His hands intertwined with yours while his face was buried between your legs.
"I just mean..." his thumb rubbed over the back of your hand in the most soothing pattern, "Let's take it one step at a time okay. This doesn't have to mean anything you don't want it to mean."
"Okay," you sigh trying to relax against his leather seat. It was what you wanted to hear, right? It didn't have to mean anything. It could just be.
It could just be you and him.
No expectations. No promises. Just now.
You let out a deep breath again, looking down at his hand holding yours.
"Does that mean we can go to your place now. To do something other than talk..."
That makes him fill the car with the sweet sound of his laughter. Low, raspy, laughter that sends a message right to your core.
You can't help but adoringly roll your eyes at his response. That eye roll made him know you felt more comfortable than when he picked you up. He could almost feel the bleak tension dissolve and be replaced with a different type of tension.
The type of tension that made him stir in his seat.
Yoongi reaches over to cup your face, pulling you in closer. Gently closing the space between you both. Seconds before he presses his lips to yours, his eyes look into yours again wanting to give you all the answers you wanted.
And with that, his pink lips pressed against yours. Gently at first. Testing the waters, kissing you so softly it almost pained you.
And then he does it again, but this time with so much more force. His kiss makes you gasp against his mouth - his lips taking claim over yours. His silky tongue traced your lips until your tongue met his.
All too soon he pulled away. His cheeks were stained pink and his lips were puffy from the force of your kiss. Yoongi's eyes held a devilish glint in them as he pulled back - knowing he left you wanting more.
"I don't think I can make it all the way back home now," he glanced down at the hardening bulge in his black jeans. You could barely make it out now that the sun had set.
The street lamp beside Yoongi's car set a soft glow to everything. The deep waters now a deep shade of black, reflected back the moons radiance.
You glanced around the lake and take in the stillness of it all. The quiet chirp of crickets somewhere in the grassy sedges. The low hum of Yoongi's engine. His soft breath fanning your face. His fingertips tenderly brushing over your lips.
You placed your hand on his crotch feeling him hardening under his jeans.
"Yoongi," your voice came out whiner than you expected. It was also the first time he heard you call his name since things ended. That did something to him he didn't quite know how to describe. But he swore he felt his heart (and his cock) grow three times in size.
"I want you so bad." The soft lighting pouring into the car made his smooth skin appear even clearer and glassier. You wanted to press your lips all over his face. Cover him in berry stained lipstick marks.
He nodded his head slightly pulling away from you to be able to shift the car into reverse. Before he could place his hand on the gear, you wrapped yours around his wrist, shaking your head 'no.'
"Here," you bit your lower lip, glancing out at the empty lake. "No one's here. No one's gonna see us," you urge, bringing his hand to your thigh.
Before he can say another word, you press your lips to his, mumbling an almost incoherent, "I can't wait," against his mouth.
"Fuck," Yoongi groaned into the kiss. "Want you too, baby."
Yoongi doesn't mean for the word to slip out, but it does.
It is messy and a little clumsy - much like how your relationship had been. But it's also what makes you and Yoongi so special to each other. There was no need for pretenses of perfection.
He scooted his seat back giving you enough room to climb over the console and into the safety of his lap. His large hands found their home along your lower back; they slipped themselves into your shirt, feeling your smooth skin all the way up to your bra strap and then back down, gripping your hips. "Y/N," he sighed, into your mouth as you grind your hips down on him.
"Let's get these off." he reached into your skirt to find your soaked panties. His long fingers traced along the wet patch you've left on them from grinding on his lap. "So wet," he mumbled almost to himself.
Lifting your hips to help him, he expertly slid them down your legs, helping you get them off. He tossed them aside before placing you back down on his lap, the steering wheel pressing into your back while he slid his hand up your thigh. Dragging each finger over the smooth surface until he was met with your wet folds. "I need to fuck you," he choked out and smashed your lips with an urgent kiss.
You let him fumble with his pants until he is able to free his leaking cock. You wished there were more light in the dim car to be able to indulge in seeing it again. The thick veins along the flushed pink shaft, the prominent head, now leaking with precum. You wanted to take it all in.
Yoongi grabbed his length in his hand guiding you as you align yourself with him. He stroke his cock along your pussy, teasingly tapping it against your clit a couple of times.
"Yoongi, please," you whined at the sudden contact, "I need you,"
"I know, baby," he shushed you, pulling you in for another kiss. He caught your lower lip between his teeth, tugging on it gently before slipping his tongue in your mouth. He grabbed your hips and pulled you in closer and you slowly sank down on his aching cock.
You winced at the stretch of his head pushing inside of you. Your arms grabbed on to the headrest behind his head and gripped it tightly as his cock stretched you open.
"Fuck," the word slipped out of your lips against his hot mouth as you felt the fullness of having his cock inside you again.
"You okay?" Yoongi pulled back and scanned your face.
"Mhm," you nodded your head. "It's just so... big," you let out a weak chuckle.
He rubbed circles along your back until his hands found their way to grip your ass.
You began to lift your hips and rocked your body on him. His large hands caught your movements as you ground yourself down on his length. Slowly at first, but quickly picking up momentum you started to ride him.
Completely feeling lost in the bliss of having so close - a part of you wished the skin of your chest could touch his. Everywhere he touched you felt like a familiar flame licking away at the time spent apart.
Like he wanted his hands to erase every minute he spent away from you.
He found his way further into your shirt, cupping your breasts in his hold. His thumbs finding your erect nipples as you bounced up and down his shaft.
The sounds of the chirping crickets and low hum of his engine - sounds that felt so loud in the stillness of the evening were now drowned out by something much more titillating.
Your breathy moans and his low groans were creating a symphony of pleasure - in that moment he swore he'd write a song someday about just how good it felt to have you in his embrace.
"Yoongi," you choked out, your legs trembled beneath you.
"Let me hear you, baby," he said into your ear, peppering sweet, wet kisses along your neck. "Who's making you feel this good?"
"You..." you tilted your head back providing more access to your neck. He sank his teeth into your skin, making you hiss in pleasure.
"You... you're making me feel so good. No one else..." you babbled as he sucked on the most delicate part of your neck.
The spot on your neck that made your thighs squeeze together - but he knew that. He knew every spot that made your heart race.
"No one else, hm?" that smug smile spread across his face again. You wanted nothing more than to kiss it off of him.
He noticed your hands gripping the back of his headrest and frowned. He grabbed your wrist and placed your hands in his hair. His eyes silently begged and you complied.
You tangled your fingers in his dark locks and tugged at the root of his long hair as you chased your orgasm.
Yoongi's moan mixed with yours as you pulled on his hair the closer you got to cumming on his cock.
"Keep going, you're doing so well..." his eyes rolled back and his hands gripped on to your hips tightly. You sensed the bruise of his fingertips engraving into your skin.
Just another way Yoongi left his mark on you.
But bruises and hickies fade over time - you weren't sure if the mark he made in your heart would ever really go away.
Not when he looked at you like you hung the stars for him. And you would. You'd give him the stars and moon and everything he asked for if he wanted.
"Gonna cum," he groaned, hiding his face in your neck peppering the skin with little kisses, moaning against your collarbone.
He felt your nails dig into his shoulders as you came undone along with him. Your fluids mixed as he filled your cunt with his cum. You collapsed forward onto him, resting your head on his shoulder as he held you. Your legs twitched as your orgasm hit.
Yoongi held you until your breathing returned to normal. He idly rubbed up and down your back, softly kissing your temples every now and then whispering sweet praises to you.
"I don't wanna move," you mumbled, your eyes closed just listening to Yoongi's soft, even breaths.
"Then don't move," he brushed his hands over your cheek. "Just stay like this with me."
You let out a tired laugh - could it really be that easy? To stay with him?
You knew there was so much that was still left unsaid.
"I should go home," you sat up straighter on his lap to take a good look at him. You hated how it felt like another goodbye.
"Y/N."
You shook your head and started to lift yourself off of him. you both winced at the feeling of his cock leaving your pussy. Yoongi did his best to help get you clean, wiping up your thighs, silently cleaning you up before you crawled back to your seat.
"Are you regretting it?" his lips were set in a straight line and his tone shot an arrow to your chest. The last thing you wanted was to hurt him.
"What?" you met his fixed look, trying to read behind the hardness in his eyes.
He lifted an eyebrow waiting for your answer. He didn't bother repeating the question he knew you heard.
"No," you reached for his hand, using both of yours to cup one of his. "Just... not knowing what happens next makes it feel like goodbye again and... I don't think I'm ready for that," you admit.
His eyes soften hearing you admit you don't want to say goodbye to him again.
You didn't know if a relationship with Yoongi would work out or not at this time. Really, what growth could have happened in the month apart to make him ready?
"One step at a time, okay?" he reminded you gently.
You nodded your head, allowing him to pull you back into another kiss.
"I wanna be someone you deserve," he whispered against your mouth.
Every part of you wanted to ignore the ways he had fucked up in the past and tell him it was all okay - but you couldn't lie to yourself or him. You both needed time.
"One step at a time," you repeated those words to him before kissing him back again.
--
THANK YOU FOR READING! was vry nervous to post bc I haven't done it in so long, but this was really fun to write! I didn't realize how much I missed it and ofc I feel so rusty so I hope you enjoyed <3
tagging some of my fav creators on here: @gimmethatagustd @raplinesmoon @wonhosmistress
(also pls lmk if you don't wanna be tagged! last time I posted I was in a writing network and it was shut down so now idk what the etiquette for sharing/tagging is im sorry fdkgjd ily I haven't been on here in a while but can't wait to catch up/re-read some of my fav fics too)
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sanguineterrain · 6 months
Note
Hello madame terrain, I have been thinking about boxer!jason for some time now and I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about him? if not that's totally okay too ☺️ love all your writing!!!
lol hi, madame terrain is adorable 💕 also boxer jason is big brained!!! let's do it ;)
boxer!jason todd x gn!reader. reader is an apprentice to a ringside doctor (leslie thompkins). tw creepy OMC intimidates reader, jason protects/defends r, fluff, my attempt at boxing stuff.
****
Leslie said she'd be back in an hour.
You're currently at the thirty minute mark, hoping for a natural disaster, an angel, anything, because...
"Doc gives me stuff for my pain all the time," Keith says for the third time. "It's real simple."
Keith Dixon is one of the gym's regular fighters. You haven't seen enough matches to judge his fighting, but you can confidently say that his people skills are in the toilet.
He'd barged into the office ten minutes ago and had refused to leave even when you said Leslie was out.
You need to make a break for it.
"You have to wait for Dr. Thompkins," you say, lifting your chin. You won't give in and risk losing this job. No way in hell. "I can't administer medications. I'm not licensed."
Keith rolls his eyes. He's a hothead, new to Gotham. Likes to fight. Likes to fight mean.
"Look, you're new. I'm just giving you a heads-up on how things work around here," he says, backing you up further. You're nearly against the wall.
Where the hell is Leslie?
"I'm sorry, Mr. Dixon, but I can't prescribe painkillers without her supervision."
"Uh-huh. Know what I think? I think you're just not cut out for the ring," Keith says, cornering you against the cabinet. "Cute thing like you shouldn't be hiding in an office. The Doc ought to know better..."
"Is there a problem?"
The new voice makes you flinch, just a little. Keith pulls back, posture easy but guarded. The second guy holds himself similarly. He's also well-built, clad in a gray tee and black sweatpants. His hands are wrapped.
"J-man," Keith says, daggers in his teeth. "Man, I thought you were benched for the week. You meet our new assistant? They're still getting used to how things run around here."
The mystery man looks at you. His eyes are a lovely teal.
"Is he botherin' you?" he asks.
"I—" You swallow. "I was just explaining to Keith that I can't administer medicine without Dr. Thompkins."
Keith huffs. "Jason, tell 'em how this works."
Jason faces Keith. They nearly match each other in height and bulk. You hope to God they don't decide to brawl here and now.
"I think you're the one who needs a reminder, Dixon," Jason says coolly. "Seems pretty straightforward to me. You need to wait for the Doc. So was there something else you needed?"
Keith's mouth presses into a line. You can tell he's got about a hundred ugly thoughts on his tongue right now.
"Nope," he grits out.
"Mm. Then step off."
Keith obeys. You slip out of the corner.
"I'll come back," he says.
"When the Doc's here," Jason adds. It doesn't sound like a suggestion. "If y'need a reminder of her schedule, I don't mind giving you one."
Keith looks at you. You hold his gaze, heart pounding.
"Of course," he says, all false charm, and pushes past Jason. "See ya in the ring, J.T."
You can't relax even after Keith leaves. Jason remains in the doorway. You close your eyes at the thought of dealing with another fighter. It's not bad with Leslie here, but this is your first time alone. It's already a disaster.
Obviously, none of the fighters respect you like they respect Leslie, even after three weeks of you working here. You don't even know all of the fighters.
"Hey." Jason doesn't move from his spot as he asks. "Y'okay?"
"Yes," you say, keeping your back straight. "I'm fine. Do you need medical attention?"
"I just came to get some more wraps. But I can get 'em at home."
His voice is softer now that Keith's gone.
"No need," you say. "That's what I'm here for."
You get a roll of tape from the drawer. It takes you three tries to pull the edge out. You drop it twice.
You feel Jason's eyes on you. You keep pulling the tape, but it won't comply.
"I got it," he says. "I can wrap myself. Toss it here."
You pause, tape half unfurled. "Dr. Thompkins told me to do all wraps myself."
"Leslie's cool. I won't tell her, anyway."
You shake your head. "Why don't you want me to wrap your hands?"
Jason glances to the side. He leans against the doorframe, purposely casual.
"'Cause Keith's a big guy. And I'm a big guy. And your hands are still shaking."
You tighten your grip on the tape.
Jason gestures to the office. "This is your space. I won't come in if you don't want me to. That's not how this works."
"It's... it's the job," you say, startled. "I don't—I've heard that Keith's rough with everybody."
"Yeah, well, he's an asshole. You shouldn't have to be rough back. Good fighters turn it off outside of the ring. I don't want to make you feel small. Alright?"
Tension bleeds out of your spine. You no longer feel like prey.
"It's easier if I wrap them for you," you say, and turn your back on him to fetch the antiseptic.
The tiles behind you creak as Jason hesitates for a moment. Then he walks in and sits in a chair, so you're higher than him.
He looks up at you. He really does have beautiful eyes. His eyelashes are dark and delicate. There's a faded bruise on his cheek.
He's boyishly handsome, with a mouth that looks like it smiles a lot.
"Do you also fight here?"
He nods. "Since I was eighteen. Been here a while."
You take one of his hands in both of yours. Jason's already thrown out the old tape. His knuckles are cut up. They're covered in scars. His fingernails are short and neat.
His hands are big, far bigger than yours. Veins feed into each other from the backs of his hands up his forearms.
You take out the antiseptic spray.
"Might be cold," you warn.
"'S okay."
You spray his skin. Jason doesn't even flinch.
"Your hands are really soft," he says.
"Oh, thank you. I use Isley's Salve. Works great."
Why did you share that?
Jason's mouth quirks. "Yeah? Might have to try that. My hands have seen better days."
"I have some in my bag." You let go of the half-done wrap and dig through your backpack. You pull out the small tube of salve and squeeze some onto his hands.
Jason is quiet and still as you rub in the lotion. He's pliant as you finish the wraps, letting you turn his hands over. You pull the wraps tight.
"All done," you say, face suddenly warm like you've been caught doing something you weren't supposed to.
He flexes his hands a few times. "Thanks. You're good. I can see why Leslie chose you as her apprentice."
You shrug. "Anybody can wrap hands."
"Dunno. I've seen some pretty shit wraps in my time."
"Oh. Well, um, I'm here most of the time, so feel free to come by and get your wraps changed."
He hums. "Sure. Don't worry 'bout Keith. I'll take care of it."
Your eyes widen. "I don't want more trouble..."
"You won't get trouble, I promise. We don't tolerate that here. 'Sides, he's overstayed his welcome."
You nod. "Okay. Thank you, Jason."
"No need for thank you's. Y'alright getting home?"
"Yes, I'm okay. Leslie's dropping me."
Jason nods, then picks himself up. He pauses like he wants to say something else, but he strides out of the room like he's in a rush instead.
"Well, um. G'night," he says over his shoulder. "Take care."
It's about fifteen more minutes until Leslie returns.
"Everything alright?" she asks in a tone that tells you she already knows the answer. "I ran into Jason on my way in. He said Keith Dixon gave you some trouble. I'm sorry I took so long. Are you alright?"
"You ran into—I thought Jason went home for the night."
Leslie looks like you've just told her the sky is red. "He wanted to make sure you were okay. So he waited till I came back. Are you okay? Did Keith hurt you?"
You shake your head. "No, I'm alright. Just shaken up. He's a bully. Wanted painkillers."
Leslie frowns. "He won't bother you again. I'll make sure you're not alone."
"It's okay. I mean, Jason was there."
She nods. "Mm. He's a good boy. I know his father."
"Yeah, he, uh, was nice. I wrapped his hands."
Leslie raises an eyebrow. Your shoulders rise.
"What?" you ask. "You said to practice my wraps."
She shrugs. "Nothing, nothing. I did tell you that. I'm glad you got some practice in."
You follow her to her car. Soon, Leslie pulls out of the lot.
"Leslie, do you mind if we stop at CVS?"
"Sure. What for?"
You feel for the little tube in your pocket.
"Need more Isley's Salve... I'm, uh, running low."
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erwinsvow · 5 months
Note
imagine if rafe and pogue reader’s relationship was just a bet between him and his kook friends, to see if he could ACTUALLY get her to fall in love with him, like to get her to be all over him and how long that would last, and the reader finds out omgggg. And they break up lol
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you think the ending bits of the conversation between your boyfriend and his friends hurts more than everything you just overheard.
"you really think i'd settle for some fuckin' pogue pussy? nah man, top owes me fifty bucks now."
you hadn't heard the entire exchange, just from the part where you heard your name. stupidly, like a naive girl in love with the type of boy she'd only ever dreamt about, you tuned in, thinking rafe was telling his friends something you'd want to hear.
hiding—as embarassing as it is—behind the wall, holding back tears though they don't care enough to stay held back, they pour down your cheeks as the hits keep coming. the boys laugh, but the ringing in your ears had been so loud you hadn't heard the rest of the joke, didn't understand what was so funny.
the first thought in your mind is that you can't believe how stupid you were. the second is that pope and jj and john b had all been right, that it was too good to be true, that he was playing you somehow, that he was a liar and scumbag. you had ignored what your best friends had been telling you, trying so hard to believe that they were wrong, that they didn't know rafe, or at least your rafe, the one who was sweet and funny and never let you drive anywhere or pay for a thing, the one who paraded you around town like you were something who deserved to be showed off, the one who you took back to your tiny house and introduced to your hard-working parents.
you resist the urge to slide down the wall you're leaning against, though every muscle in your body wants to keel over and cry until you can't cry anymore.
you'd been embarassed enough—they didn't need to see you like this too. wiping away tears with the back of your hand, sniffling but trying to stay quiet, you wait for the boys to walk away so you could sneak out of here and pretend that you'd never even come—though you'd only come because rafe said he was having friends over and you'd baked them some snacks for their game, thought you were being a good girlfriend and doing the things a good girlfriend does.
footsteps and laughter echo in the other room—they're gone. the second it's silent, a sob wrangles itself out, eyes getting blurry again. you don't know how you're gonna bike home if you can't stop crying. your fingers fly across your screen, dialing jj's number. you'd been upset at the blond because he seemed to be the most against you and rafe dating, had the meanest things to say and was the first to insinuate there was something wrong if rafe wanted to date you.
you'd been so insulted, so hurt by his words that the two of you had gone from talking every single day to maybe once a week. you hope he doesn't hold it against you now, but a part of you knows jj never would—that's just the kind of guy he is. he answers by the second ring, and you try to stay quiet, just incase they hear you.
"j? can you come get me? i-um, i'm at tannyhill-" the last part is said with another sob, breaking into a fit of tears again. he says he's with pope and that he's coming, and you hate that they heard you cry, because knowing the two of them they'll go thirty over if they think you're upset. you wanna get out of here, but you don't want them to die.
heart thudding, eyes watery, limbs weak, you stay against that wall for a moment. before you can make your way to the door, rafe's figure steps in to where you are. he sees you before you see him—shoulders shaking, hands wiping away tears.
when you turn to look at him, it doesn't take more a second to know you heard something you shouldn't have.
"hey, listen to me-" he gets closer, and you flinch, backing away. you want to say something mean, something snarky, something that'll hurt him as much as he's hurt you. nothing comes out, and you stare back at him, and you hope he remembers how hard he's made you cry, because you've decided it then and there—you're never seeing rafe cameron ever again.
you dart past him to the door. he follows, reaching out to grab you, but you take off, running down his driveway and into the truck he recognizes as heyward's. you get in, in between pope and jj. the last thing he sees is you crying into maybank's chest while they drive you away, and the last thing he thinks is wondering what the hell he had just done.
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wandagcre · 5 months
Note
Hii! How you doing?
I just read your drabble about mob!Sam reaction to reader asking for a divorce.
Could you do one were reader thinks the only way of getting away from Sam is being dead so she tries to k!lol herself and Sam finds her and she gets really scare because she might lose the love of her life, so after that she does everything to be a better wife for reader
if i break | sam carpenter 🔞
(Mob!Boss Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader)
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You didn't know how much those four words would affect the following days for you and Sam. With your deteriorating mental state, Sam's punishment, and out of control aggressiveness, you're backed up in the corner, completely stuck.
WARNING: making out, suggestive content, groping, spanking, mild torture, conditioning, self-harm, suicide attempt Words: 2.5k Note: you can read this as a stand-alone bc it's an alternative scenario to the drive you mad series but those previous parts can give u better context! reminder to not actually put yourselves in this situation guys this is all (an unhealthy) fantasy
[ series masterlist ] | [ masterlist ]
One would say you shouldn't be ungrateful—a roof over your head, jewelry and clothing that could solve a block's poor demise instantly, and a food to eat on your plate is the least of your worries. There's acres of space, just for you and your wife.
Sam provides everything imaginable to your heart's desire.
Yet, you feel yourself wither each day.
You've been punished by Sam that very day, when you courageously asked her for a divorce. You felt ridiculed for a short and humerous answer of the woman whom you've loved for a while. But even that couldn't sustain the foundation you built with Sam alone.
That same night, you found yourself being spanked and manhandled by the woman.
You've overheard of her tone and voice, the calculation in her cruel words  — how it roared affirmative and certain to follow through as she planned despite the protests by some of her inner circle, sometimes including her own right hand and sister, Tara, made your wife sound as though she's detached from humanity.
You regret learning an ounce from that day. You couldn't believe how you let yourself be in this sick charade, laying down beside this woman whom you once adored.
So, when Sam came home as usual, with her loosened tie and undone earrings, the thick tension resurfaced once again.
But she deeply craved your touch much as you do.
Although you obliged, knowing where it was headed from the start, you were blinded. After all there was an undeniable spark that you knew wouldn't easily go away with Sam's affection and the skill she had to pleasure you. You straddled Sam as your thumb caressed her baby hair, her soft kneading on your ass that only grew rough and sliding over your shorts to feel it bare as her kisses became needy and almost bruising.
What you didn't know was how Sam felt you were giving in as though it was a parting gift to her. The thought riled her up to an increasing madness.
She flipped you over, hovering beneath you and pushed your head against the soft mattress. It made you yelp at the force she exuded.
"I fought so hard to have you, amor!" Sam's frustrated voice roared in the master's bedroom, tears welling up your eyes. "What makes you think I'll let you get away this time? Maybe you're not bright enough if you think I would sign divorce papers from you," she angrily spat.
You felt so small. It was beyond suffocating as Sam and the way her fingers dug in your scalp as she pressed you down while within her grasp felt nothing more but terrifying.
"I-I don't feel good. Not for a while now, Sam." You admit, words slurring in your contorted mouth.
Sam gave you a mocking grin. "And I didn't wish to be this rough on you, sweetheart. But you've left me with no choice,"
She gave you a good spanking until the flesh of your ass was tender and stinging. By the end of it, you were sniffling and in tears. Sam didn't bother putting back your underwear, it was nothing but humiliating. She swiftly carries your weight like you're featherlight, your body slung over her shoulder. Your vision is upside down and you began to wail in protest, cold sweat ran through your body.
You didn't trust how Sam was handling you — this woman that stood before you didn't hold remorse nor familiarity and warmth you knew. Sam was akin to that first night she had you handcuffed. True enough, it was history repeating itself as you found yourself dropped in a smaller bed, enough to fit one, worst was how bits of it felt like an exposed space, sealing your deal in this prison-like room.
It was dowright ridiculous.
Sam firmly held you by the wrist, against the metal headboard. The clanking was continuous, you look up through your blurry vision, tears not stopping, you're cuffed.
"We go by a reward system here, sweetheart. Don't worry, I'll keep you fed. That is if — a big if — you won't lash out. All you have to say is you won't bring up a silly thing as divorce ever again." Sam patted your cheek, "Of course, you need to prove it by actions too. You're monitored. I'll be the judge of that." She motions over the camera at the corner of the room.
You wipe your nose, sniffling. "Isn't this too over the top?"
"Better vicinity, is all I'm going to say." Sam clicks her tongue, her body above you and one of her hands intimately placed on your bare stomach where your night gown slightly ridden up.
You had no phone inside, even the use of television was needed to be earned. Naturally, the almost empty space made you think a lot. It was few hours before you were freed from the cuffs.
It brought more realization that you were being isolated, completely tucked away from the existing relationships you've built with your friends. It happened slow and deliberate, that you found yourself hopeless to Sam's doings. Maybe she was even behind the unjustified killings from years ago, at your little town. Hell, maybe you were in denial all these time that Sam conjured on eliminating your mother figure from work, too.
You wouldn't be surprised anymore but the thought makes you retch.
The first few days was tough. You cried until you became exhausted. Soon it was futile and useless. You tried protesting by not eating at all, wondering what starvation will bring, only to be intervened by Sam herself. She kept you fed and bathed you, that you felt disgusted. Sam wasn't worthy to see your vulnerable state.
Sometimes, you rebelled against the trained women she sent in — at times where Sam couldn't make an exception to personally accommodate you. They let you angrily punch them, never fighting back, which made you smaller and invisible. These trained guards were obligated to report to Sam and so your punishment was still made.
You even tried memorizing the room. Attempting to knock at the walls to see if it had a weak spot, scanning as much as you can. Albeit, the windows itself were also useless. You should have known better that Sam would kept it close and bulletproof.
The depravation soon kicked in. You're conditioned at the reward she gave you that even a simple few hours of watching television made you a little bit at ease. Anything that came from outside world, you soaked it up. Nonetheless, you were treated like a pet.
But it didn't change your state, life still being sucked out of your very body.
One night, Sam was scrubbing your back clean as you sat at the bathtub. It was filled with silence, with occasional comments from Sam from the outside. She acted like everything was normal.
"Why are you doing this?" Was all you could say. You were tired.
The silence covered you two until you were in your towel, ready to dry off.
"This," Her index finger was in the middle of your chest. "Does not only beat for you, but a part of me as well." Sam continued, her voice tenuous and low. "You didn't know how your existence motivated me to survive that hell hole that my father sent me into. I need you back. I need my wife back. Isn't that all enough?"
"But what part of me do you need? Should I be stuck in that submissive and clueless, attending to your needs? Or did you want the girl that you left all those years?" You bravely confronted Sam, who was taken aback at your words.
At the end, you wouldn't take it all back. You wanted her to know—to fully simmer those thoughts.
You wanted to feel something and to end it all at the same time.
Sam had overlooked and underestimated your creativity. The cheap toilet was one of the things that was left unfinished for this spare room and it only took you to carry out its heavy lid, smashing the ceramic cover in pieces.
All you registered was the sharp piece against your soft skin, your knees that trembled and thudded against the hard floor. You feel your consciousness slipping, the fluttering of your eyes slow and uncontrable. Hopefully, to no return, you thought.
It was a blur, dreamless state. You were at peace for a while.
Though you had a small inkling that it won't last for long, you feel your mind waking up to consciousness. Your ears register the beeping of the electrocardiogram served as a white noise and your breathing sounded like it was contained. Opening your eyes, you see that you're tubed and one of your arms were infused with IV. You feel a gentle hold, on your unharmed forearm by Sam herself. She looked out of place, wearing your favorite cardigan as she slept soundly beside you.
When you moved and groaned, it stirred Sam to consciousness as well. You feel the fear brewing but it long vanished when your wife looked nothing but in complete distraught with tears spilling from her exhausted brown eyes — unlike you've ever seen before — temporarily stripped away from her cruelty and madness.
She held tighter on your forearm, but it was out of desperation and concern more than anything.
"You asked me and I never answered that day," Sam continued to sob. You see her physically restraining to hold all of you that it started to pain you. "I can't—I can never imagine being that stupid again. It could have been my last words and you suffered enough from me,"
"Sam... I could have asked better—" You protest as clarity hit you, but Sam's quivering lips halted you.
Your wife strongly shook her head in disagreement. "Nonsense. Let me finish, please. It was entirely my fault and mine alone for putting you in this situation and I never made myself much of safe space for you. But all I needed was everything you can offer. All of you, mi amor. I don't care if it was the girl I left, the one who changed, all I know is that I cannot do this life without you," She moves to bring your palm over her cheek. You feel Sam's fraught, her need to feel that you are tangible and beside her.
For a moment your anger and frustration with her had faded. It was a day full of crying, nonetheless.
Recovery was surprisingly better than you expected with Sam's improved presence around you. She was downright attentive to your needs, more than ever before. You need to pee? Sam was right by the door. You wanted to read or watch a movie? Sam could not care any less, she'll do work beside you, too. Most of the time, your wife would watch them with you, surprisingly even if she hates the genre. Were you craving for a specific food? Sam will go and get it for you.
You even joked that you wanted a foot massage but Sam took it seriously, immediately went to give you one.
"You know I'm not pregnant right?" You humorously told her. The way her head spun to your direction, flustered, had you uncontrollably smile.
Sam was taken aback. "W-What?"
"Don't you have work to do, whatever it is?"
"No. I can do them remotely, it's always been a flexible thing." I have my priorities sorted out much better now." Sam casually says. You've never seen her this carefree and it hit a pang of warmth and familiarity more than ever.
You nodded slowly. "Alright. But, can you stop acting like I'm fragile? I don't... I haven't thought of doing anything since then." The playfulness quickly faded from you.
You looked away and cannot help but glance over the healing wound on your forearm. You busied yourself with the film playing on screen. Sam opens her hand that was adjacent to your side, you don't fight the invitation and instead you make the move to hold it.
"I know you're not, mi amor. It's not that, it's just—" Sam sighed, though her eyes never left yours. "I don't want to spend remaining of my time with you by fighting or making you suffer ever again, even by the slightest just because I am greedy when it comes to you, amor. I want to make better memories, whether you choose to stay or not."
You don't reply and Sam was unchanging. All you knew is how it lifted a great weight on your shoulder.
You've never returned to the room where she kept you nor passed by the area. Interestingly enough, it was under construction again.
Days later, Sam remained at home. She didn't fail with the flowers and her gifts increasingly became thoughtful. It was between a new book of the genre you wanted, it could've been a trip to a place you mentioned. The most surprising so far was her first attempt of doing a crochet tulips for you.
It was a better sense of direction for the two of you. Sure you had needs, and the sexual tension and libido may have kicked in, but it felt like you were in a courting phase. It annoyed you sometimes, how your wife pranced in almost nothing and you were just to stare.
Though if you asked, Sam wouldn't hesitate to tell you—whether it was work, or something personal you've always been too shy or afraid to do so from the past. If you asked to burn the world, Sam would've handed you the gas and the lighter.
That's why you were taken aback during a particular rainy day, you perked up at the sound of the door and saw Sam who came back with nervous smile on her face and a new material on her other hand. She handed you a manila envelope and followed you as you took it and sat on one of the chairs at the dining area.
You curiously took it and opened it, your throat quickly dried, loss at words as you saw that it was the divorce papers you've been asking for. It made you suddenly stand up straight.
"It's only a choice up to you now. No dirty games from me, I swear on it." Sam made a sign of oath. You looked at her with the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "If you want, I can send you best of my men, back to your town for extra measure. Not to update me! Just because, well, you've been associated to me for quite some time." She rubbed her neck in what appears to be out of shame.
You incredulously looked at Sam's face. To be back from the life you have been taken away from, to reunite with people that you've missed... but it also meant being away from Sam and to no longer call her your wife—it felt sickening. You were coming around to closely forgiving her, to giving her another chance as she proved herself better than before. You doubt that this woman can actually hurt you again, after all.
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you courageously grabbed Sam by the collar of her shirt. "Fuck you, Sam Loomis. Don't mess around like this."
"I'm not complaining, but I don't understand..." Sam murmured as you pushed the double door, leading her to the bed.
You two ended up catching on much needed passionate touches and sinful nights you've deeply missed with the woman. Your soul was ignited with each kiss Sam has left your neck, every touch had set you on fire. Funnily enough, the roles were reversed. You cannot be parted away from her, your arm slung and secure over her nape. What moved you the most was her kissing away the now-scarring form on your forearm.
The divorce papers? Somewhere lying on the floor, completely forgotten.
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do not repost/translate on other sites. © wandagcre
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juniperdugong · 2 months
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Relationship quirks Maknae Line ver.
Aka habits I can see the boys doing in a relationship || 95s || 96s || 97s || Maknae line ||
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Seungkwan Brings home food
IT DOES NOT MATTER if you have or have not eaten, are starving, or have a full belly! Boo Seungkwan is GOING. To. Bring. Home. Food. For. You. Won't take no for an answer! And not only did he keep snacks on himself before you guys started dating but even more so now. He is such a sweetheart who will never allow you to go hungry.
Honestly, he's hypocritical in that he'll start going on a diet but the minute that you say that you need to go on a diet - the gates of hell break loose in your home. Completely outraged that you won't eat at least a bite of what he's offering you. Pouts and acts like you just told him that you want to break up or something worse. The type to say, "FINE THEN I'LL EAT IT MYSELF", then proceeds to give you the nastiest stare-down of your life as he takes a bite. (If you don't concede to his little charade quick enough this WILL become a silent treatment game)
Vernon Sends pictures of himself
Lowkey, you become a photo storage for this man. Sends a photo to you every single time he thinks of you, which is a lot more often than one might think. Is constantly sending you pics of random things he's found and can't send to anyone else. The one constant is his damn face that never changes in any of the pics despite the angle changes. It's gotten to the point where you've had to ask how he does it but he just shrugs.
Every question you ask is answered in either a meme or a photo of him looking like his regular deadpan self, no words either and if you ask for clarification he just sends another photo of him looking confused as hell.
This really is his own special brand of clinginess. You'll hear a message notification from him, open it, and it's his face at the most unflattering angle... He's literally lying on your stomach right at this moment. No explanation, even if you ask he doesn't give one.
Dino Assumes you're following him everywhere
The opposite of Wonwoo's habit lol. Dino sees absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be by his side at all times. You're his number one comfort, so why wouldn't you be with him 24/7? Weird that you would even think he'd let you leave. He has a spider sense for when you're moving too far away from him and he will immediately grab and bring you towards him.
More than the physical though, this dude will not allow you to be by yourself. If he's going on tour, congrats! You are also going on tour! There's a company trip? Great! You're a part of the company now. It may even get to the point of him downright refusing to go places if he knows there won't be space for you.
"I need to go outside and get some fresh air." "Okay, babe." "I said...I need to go outside and get some fresh air." "Alright, hun, I'll be right here." *Genuinely tweaking out at this point, gets up, and grabs your hand. Dragging you with him.* "You could've just asked me to follow you." *Leaning his head on your shoulder, still slightly upset* "You're supposed to know! I need you near me whenever possible."
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A/N: Super sorry that this one came a day late, lovelies! But it's here now and I absolutely adore these boys. I think my favorite of all the habits is probably Woozi's (I'm quite literally biased) but the one that I'm most like is Vernon. Wbu??? Please reblog and comment! Let me know ur thoughts in my asks. Oh! And my requests are opennnnn! Have a great one, babes!
TAGLIST (open): @bemybabiibish @bath1lda
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en-dazedafterdark · 1 year
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meddle about (with me)
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READ PART 1 HERE
PAIRINGS: ex! heeseung x reader x fwb! sunghoon (but this is very very heavily sunghoon focused, heeseung is barely in it lol)
GENRE: smut, porn with plot, angst, attempted fluff
SYNOPSIS: sleeping with your ex is complicated enough without having to deal with your growing feelings for your friends with benefits
WARNINGS: protected sex (for once) but also unprotected sex (stay safe!), oral (m receiving), shower sex, mentions of alcohol and drinking, this switches povs so many times you may get whiplash but i also wanted to get in sunghoon’s head for this one, i still don’t know how to do warnings
WORD COUNT: 11.9k
A/N: likes, reblogs and any interactions are appreciated <3 i’m not super happy with how this turned out cause i overthought it a lot but let me know if you guys like it!
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Sunghoon wasn’t usually the type to be so self destructive. He liked to keep things in perspective, to know when it was time to move on and to know when to take a step back. He always prided himself on being the kind of person that was in control, that could push his feelings aside when he needed to. He always thought he was better than this.
So how the fuck did he end up in this position?
He hadn't meant for it to happen. He knew he should have backed off the moment he had woken up next to you for the first time, knew that it had been a bad idea from the start. You were already dealing with enough and he knew it wasn't right, knew that he shouldn't do this to you.
But then he woke up and your lips were still on his mind. You were still there in his arms, your hair tickling his skin and the scent of your perfume in his nose. You were still so close that he could feel your heart beating next to his, could hear your breath when you let out a small sigh. It made him so fucking happy that he thought he might lose his mind.
He was an idiot. He knew that. He had known this was wrong, known that this would never end well. You were his best friends ex and he had no right to get involved with you. Bro code and all that bullshit.
“You're a fucking idiot Hoon," Sunghoon whispered. He leaned back on his palms, his eyes trained on you as he looked down at your face. Your hair was still messy, your eyes still puffy as you slept. Your lips were parted and your skin was flushed.
He let out a groan, knowing that this had been a terrible idea.
You stirred slightly, making him suck in a deep breath. You moved your head, letting out a small whimper and he bit his lip to keep himself from groaning.
You were so beautiful that it made him ache. 
“Heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with Y/N lately.” Heeseung had said that night at the bar, right before you had sauntered in with your friends as if you were summoned by their words. Heeseung had taken a long drink, his eyes burning into him.
He had laughed, trying to play it off as he could feel Heeseung glaring at him. He knew he couldn't tell him exactly how much time you spent together - or worse, what you did when you did spend time together. 
“Yeah, she and I are friends. Why do you care so much about her anyways? You broke up with her.”
Heeseung shrugged. "Doesn't mean I don't worry about her."
Sunghoon had looked at Heeseung then, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand what was going through his head. He wasn't sure what to make of it, wasn't sure why Heeseung had said it.
"Just be careful with her," Heeseung said, putting his beer down. "She's going through a lot."
Sunghoon had scoffed, shaking his head. "You're telling me that?"
Heeseung's jaw had ticked, but he said nothing more. Sunghoon wasn't stupid. He knew Heeseung well enough to know when something was wrong, knew that there was something in his best friend's mind that he didn't understand.
“Why did you break up with her if you care about her so much? You treated her like shit Heeseung. You left her without so much as a word. What the fuck did she ever do to you?"
"You don't understand-"
"No," Sunghoon interrupted. "I don't."
Heeseung's face had gone dark. "We're done talking about this."
That was when Sunghoon noticed you. You had been with your friends, all of you laughing loudly and sharing drinks with other people. You were so pretty that Sunghoon couldn't take his eyes off you. You wore a skirt, your long legs on full display as you laughed.
Heeseung had looked at him and Sunghoon had seen the jealousy on his face. He had wanted to laugh, knowing how fucked up the situation was.
"She looks good," Sunghoon said, still staring at you. "Doesn't she?"
Heeseung had cleared his throat. "I'm gonna head home."
"So early? Come on, stay."
Heeseung shook his head. "I'm tired."
"You sure you're not just running away from Y/N?"
Heeseung had glared at him. "I'm not running from anything. I'll see you tomorrow."
He had gotten up and left, leaving Sunghoon alone in the bar. Sunghoon took another gulp of his drink, not noticing the way you had disappeared from the bar before Heeseung had left. 
He didn’t know if he regretted following Heeseung out of the bar or not. He had just wanted to talk to him, to understand what the fuck was going on. 
He really was not expecting to see Heeseung with you, to see him kissing you or to hear your quiet moans.
Sunghoon was jealous. It was a strange feeling for him and he wasn't sure he liked it. He had never wanted anyone the way he wanted Heeseung and when he saw him kissing you he knew he had to have you too. So when Heeseung had offered to share you with him - of course he said yes.
He wasn't stupid enough to think this was going to end well. He knew you still had feelings for Heeseung, knew that you still cared for him. He couldn't even begin to imagine how you felt after Heeseung had left you and how fucked up everything had gotten between the three of you.
But fuck, did you feel good.
Sunghoon leaned forward, watching you stir again. You let out a groan, moving your head. He reached out, pushing your hair out of your face. You opened your eyes slowly, blinking up at him as if you didn't know where you were.
"Hi," Sunghoon whispered.
You whimpered, closing your eyes. You took a deep breath before your eyes opened again. You blinked at him, your eyes softening.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Sleepy," you whispered.
Sunghoon smiled. "It's still early."
You turned your head, looking over at the clock. It was only a few minutes after six in the morning. You rolled back onto your back, staring up at him. Sunghoon ran his fingers down your arm, staring at you.
"How do you feel?" he whispered.
You let out a sigh. "Tired. A bit sore."
"Good or bad sore?"
You bit your lip. "Good."
Sunghoon nodded, his lips curling into a smile. "You were really loud last night."
You blushed, covering your face with your hands. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said. "I like it."
"Stop," you whispered.
"I can't help it," he said. "You just sound so good."
"Stop," you whined in embarrassment.
He laughed, pushing your hands away from your face. "It's the truth."
You whined, hiding your face with a pillow. You turned on your side, hiding yourself from him. You were still blushing and Sunghoon was trying his hardest not to smile as he stared at you.
"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" he asked. "I can make you some food if you want. Or do you want me to run you a bath? You can soak for a while and then I'll make you something to eat."
"I don't want to move," you murmured into the pillow.
"Okay," Sunghoon said. "I'll get you some water. Maybe a few Advil for your headache too."
“How did you know I have a headache?”
He leaned down, kissing the back of your neck. He placed another kiss on your shoulder as you shivered.
"Just a guess." moo omg im sorry idk what this was
You pushed your hands into the pillow, trying to get yourself under control. You could feel his lips on your skin, feel the way his fingers were dragging along your spine as he kissed you. He reached the nape of your neck, placing a kiss on your skin.
"What are you doing?" you whispered, pushing back against him.
Sunghoon nipped your earlobe, letting out a quiet groan. "I want to take care of you."
You swallowed hard, closing your eyes. You didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say as he kissed the nape of your neck. You were still exhausted and still in a little bit of pain from last night, but fuck if it didn't make you wet.
"I'm so tired," you said.
"Then I'll stop," he said, placing a kiss on your skin. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to force you into something you don't want."
"You're not."
"I'm not?" He pushed back, letting you roll onto your back. You stared up at him, your eyes wide as he looked down at you.
"I mean..." you licked your lips. "I didn't say I didn't want you."
"But you're tired?"
You nodded. "I feel like I can't keep my eyes open."
“Then let me do everything," he said, leaning down and kissing your forehead. He grabbed your hands, placing a kiss on each palm before he placed them over your head. "I'll take care of you."
You stared up at him, letting him kiss your skin as he did so. You closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself from pushing your hips up as you felt yourself getting wet.
"You're so pretty," he said. "It makes me crazy."
"Hoon-"
"Just let me touch you," he whispered, trailing his lips down your skin.
You bit your lip, nodding. "Okay."
Sunghoon let out a low groan, placing another kiss on the skin of your neck before he placed another on the base of your throat. He continued to trail his lips along your skin, making you squirm as he moved down your chest. You kept your hands where he had put them, moaning quietly when he placed a kiss on your nipples.
"Hoon-"
He smirked, kissing your breasts as he nipped your skin. You groaned, arching your back as he wrapped his mouth around one of your nipples, his fingers circling around the other.
You moaned again, unable to stop yourself as he licked your nipples and squeezed your breasts. You gasped, your hands gripping the sheets tightly as Sunghoon continued to kiss your skin.
You whined, gasping out when he began to kiss your stomach. He kissed you slowly, leaving you panting. He placed his hands on your hips, holding them tightly as he kissed down your bellybutton. You whimpered, watching him as he kissed your hipbones.
"You're so pretty," he murmured. "You're so fucking beautiful."
You bit your lip, letting out a small groan. You covered your face, feeling embarrassed from his compliments.
Sunghoon smirked, leaning back up. You opened your eyes, looking up at him as he grabbed your wrists.
"I want to see your face."
You looked up at him obediently, letting him place kisses on your wrists and your palms. You stared up at him, letting him pull your arms from your face. He placed a kiss on your forehead and then another on your eyelids.
He leaned down, kissing you softly, his lips molding to yours. You kissed him back, moaning quietly as he licked your lips. You parted them, letting his tongue lick yours and you reached up, wrapping your arms around his neck. He moved his hips, grinding his crotch against you as you kissed him. You gasped into his mouth, opening your eyes.
He stared down at you, his eyes dark. "I can stop if you want."
"Don't you dare."
Sunghoon grinned, leaning down and kissing you again. You moaned into his mouth, pushing your hips up against his. You were still sore, but you didn't care.
You let Sunghoon pull your arms over your head, holding you in place as he kissed you. He rolled his hips again, moaning quietly as you kissed him. You could feel his cock, hard in his boxers as he moved on top of you.
"Please-" you whispered, unable to hold back any longer. "I need you."
He groaned, trailing kisses down your neck as he grinded against you. "You'll get me. I'm not going anywhere."
You shook your head, rolling your hips. You wanted more, wanted all of him as you kissed him again. You felt him place his hand between your legs and you spread them, whining as he pressed against your pussy.
You had been wet since you woke up, but he was making it worse. He rubbed his finger against your pussy, letting out a groan. He kissed your neck again, his hips rolling against you as you pushed against him.
You were already so sensitive from last night, but it didn't matter. You were so turned on that you couldn't stand it anymore. You wanted to come, wanted to come so badly that you would probably be able to pass out.
Sunghoon pressed his finger against your clit and you gasped, crying out quietly. You spread your legs wider, wrapping them around his waist as he kept you pinned down.
You rolled your hips, wanting more as you panted. Sunghoon was moving his fingers over you slowly, making you moan out as you moved your hips. You were already so worked up and you felt like you could come any second.
He rubbed a bit harder, making you whine. You were so close, so close that you couldn't stand it anymore. You opened your eyes, looking at him as he stared down at you.
"Stop teasing me," you moaned, clamping down on his fingers with your thighs. "Fuck me, please."
He bit his lip, staring down at you. He let go of your arms, pulling his boxers off. You watched him as he grabbed a condom out of your bedside table. He placed it over his cock, leaning down and kissing you. You opened your mouth, letting him kiss you as he moved against you again. You pushed your hips up, feeling him press against your entrance. You reached up, running your fingers through his hair as he pressed into you.
He groaned, pushing into you slowly. You wrapped your legs around him, gasping as he filled you up. He felt bigger than last night, stretching you out and you were already so worked up that you felt like you could come with a single thrust.
You moaned, feeling him spread you wide. He pulled back, thrusting into you again and you squeezed your eyes shut, gasping. You arched your back, wrapping your arms around him. He kissed your neck, moving slowly and you whimpered as he picked up speed.
He groaned, grinding against you and you opened your eyes, looking up at him. He was staring at you, watching you as he moved. You were so worked up that you couldn't keep your eyes open, your breath hitching in your throat. He squeezed your ass, pushing into you harder and you cried out, digging your nails into his skin.
"You're so good," he murmured, kissing you again. "So tight and so fucking beautiful."
"Oh god-"
Sunghoon let out a moan, burying his face in your neck as you moved your hips up to meet him. He moved his hands up your body, gripping your waist tightly as he thrust into you.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him close to you. You rolled your hips along with his, feeling him spread you wider as he moved his hips. You could hear his breath on your neck, feel the way his hair was tickling your face as he groaned.
He felt so good, moving slowly as you moved with him. He grabbed your thigh, moving it to his shoulder. You were completely spread for him now and he leaned down, placing a kiss on your thigh as you moaned.
"So fucking gorgeous," he murmured against your skin.
You clenched around him, feeling him press against your G-spot as he thrust into you. He moved so slowly, his fingers digging into your skin. You felt so close, so close to coming and he knew it too. He kept pressing against that spot, making your thighs shake.
He kissed you, swallowing your moans. You moved your hands down his back, digging your nails into his back as you approached your high. You were so close that you didn't want to move, didn't want to do anything but keep him inside of you.
Sunghoon leaned down, kissing your shoulder as he kept thrusting into you. He was moaning softly into your ear, groaning as you clenched around him. He picked up the pace, moving faster and you cried out, squeezing your eyes shut as he fucked you.
"Come on," he murmured in your ear. "Come for me."
"Hoon-" you whined, biting your lip. You felt the tears spring into your eyes, felt your chest start to tighten. "I'm going to come."
"Good girl," he whispered in your ear. "Do it. I want you to come all over my cock."
"Oh my god," you whispered, covering your face with your hands. His words were enough to push you over the edge. You opened your mouth, crying out as you came all over his cock. You felt him move faster, fucking you through your orgasm.
He groaned, thrusting into you a few more times before he stilled inside of you. You let out a quiet whimper, letting him take your arms off his back and move you into his arms. He held you close, kissing your face and neck as you came down from your high. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his neck as he placed a kiss on your head.
You slowly untangled your legs from around him, whining as you felt his cock slide out of you. Sunghoon pressed a kiss on your cheek, letting go of your waist and you slowly opened your eyes, looking up at him.
He was smiling down at you and you could feel your face start to burn.
"What?" you whispered.
"Nothing," he said.
You frowned at him, watching as he pulled the condom off and threw it into the waste bin. You sat up slowly, feeling your body ache as you did so. You bit your lip, watching him as he grabbed some tissues to clean himself off.
You leaned back on your elbows, watching him. You wanted to say something, wanted to ask him why he had been smiling, but you couldn't find the words.
You didn't know what you were feeling right now.
You felt good, of course. You had just had sex with someone and it had been amazing. But there was still this tight feeling in your chest that you didn't understand.
A feeling of guilt, maybe.
You had told yourself that you would be okay with this, that this was all just no strings attached. But as you stared at Sunghoon, as you looked at his smile as he leaned down and kissed you, you knew you were wrong.
The lines between no strings attached and real strings attached were blurrier than you thought.
"I think you should leave."
Sunghoon looked up, his smile slipping off his face. "What?"
"I think you should go," you said. You pulled the blanket up higher, looking away from him.
"What?" Sunghoon repeated.
"I'm tired," you said. "I just want to sleep now."
Sunghoon watched you for a moment, before he let out a sigh. "Okay."
He pulled on some clothes, staring at you as you lay in bed. He grabbed his keys, his wallet, and his phone before he left, closing the door behind him. You let out a shaky breath, rolling over onto your back.
This was for the better. Waking up together, showering together, eating together… that wasn’t what you both had signed up for. What you wanted wasn’t a relationship. What you wanted was a distraction.
That was it.
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It became easy to pretend that what had happened between the three of you never happened. It was like Heeseung had never come back into your life at all. 
For days afterwards you had waited for a text, a call, anything to come from Heeseung but nothing ever came. There was no explanation, no apology, nothing.
You should have been angry. You should have been furious. Instead, you felt sad. You didn't know why you were sad, but you felt so empty. You were trying to go about your day to day business, trying to convince yourself that everything was fine when you knew it wasn't.
Sunghoon avoided the topic as well. You were both trying to pretend that nothing had happened, but you knew that Sunghoon was lying when he said it was okay. He wasn't okay, and neither were you.
It was obvious to you that Sunghoon’s feelings had started to change. 
What was just casual sex became more as he asked you to hang out with him more. He always had something to do with you, whether it was just hanging out in his room or going to the store for some ice cream. He was always touching you, whether it be a hand on the back or a kiss on the cheek.
He even started to sleep over more. You had both agreed to sleep with each other whenever you wanted to, and at first you thought that was what it was, but you soon found out that Sunghoon started to spend the night more often than not.
He would text you good morning and good night. He would ask you if he could see you the next day and you would tell him that you couldn't because you were busy. You knew he knew you were lying.
You were scared. You knew that sooner or later you were going to have to address the fact that he was starting to have feelings for you, and you knew you couldn't handle it. You didn't want to hurt him or yourself, so you kept it bottled up.
So you dealt with it by pushing him away. 
“What are you doing this weekend?"
"Nothing."
"Wanna come to my place? We can watch a movie or something?"
"I can't."
It was always the same answers. You knew that Sunghoon didn't believe that you were busy when in reality, you were just too scared to see him. He seemed hurt, but he never said anything about it. You were thankful for that, but at the same time you hated yourself for pushing him away.
It didn’t really help that your first instinct whenever you were drunk or lonely (or both at the same time, more often than not) was to text Sunghoon.
And Sunghoon was there for you every time.
He came running whenever you called, eager to hold you and kiss you and please you in any way that he could. You hated yourself for being so desperate for attention that you would go to him over and over again, and he always accepted you.
It wasn't enough for you.
You needed to forget about Heeseung. Sunghoon was the next best thing.
The only problem with this was that Sunghoon was also a distraction for you. Every time you were alone, you could feel your thoughts drift to him. It made it hard for you to concentrate on anything else when you knew he was around.
It had gotten so bad that you couldn't go a day without seeing Sunghoon, and it was driving you insane.
You thought you were over it. You thought that you once you were able to forget about Heeseung and his smile and his perfect hair and his perfect lips and his perfect hands and his perfect body and-
You took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of your nose as you leaned against the wall. You had been home for two hours now and you couldn't stand being there any longer. You were too anxious.
So you did what you always did: called Sunghoon.
He picked up right away. "Hey. What's up?"
"I want to come over."
"Right now?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," he said, sounding confused. "Give me ten minutes and I'll come get you."
"Thanks."
You hung up the phone, leaning against the wall again. You ran your hands down your face, closing your eyes. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down before you went to your room and changed.
You got out your keys, holding onto them as you waited for Sunghoon to pick you up. He knocked on the door ten minutes later. You opened it, stepping outside and he gave you a smile.
"I'll drive," he said.
You didn't argue. You got into his car, letting him pull away from the curb.
"What's the rush?" he asked. "You were really urgent over the phone."
You hesitated. "I just didn't want to stay home any longer."
He didn't say anything else. He just looked at you, his eyes scanning your face as you watched the road.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
You swallowed, nodding your head. "Yeah. Just tired."
He seemed to accept this, and you both fell silent. The ride back to his apartment was the same as usual. He reached over and put his hand on your knee, rubbing his thumb over the skin as he drove. He didn't say anything when you placed your hand on his and squeezed, letting out a quiet sigh as you did so.
You felt better, but at the same time you felt guilty.
You shouldn't be here with Sunghoon. You shouldn't be with him because you knew you were going to break his heart.
But you couldn't stay at home, and you had nowhere else to go.
He parked his car in the driveway, getting out and opening your door. He held his hand out for you, and you placed your hand in his. He walked you up to his apartment, unlocking the door and opening it for you.
Sunghoon closed it behind you, looking down at you. "You want anything to eat or drink?"
You shook your head. "No, I'm good."
Sunghoon nodded. He turned to you, opening his arms in invitation and you moved as if on autopilot. You wrapped your arms around him, closing your eyes and just breathing him in.
You stayed like that for a while, just holding each other as you stood in the doorway. You could hear the sound of the television in the background, but it wasn't too loud. It was quiet, and Sunghoon's arms were so warm.
He was always so warm.
You pulled away after a while, smiling up at him.
"Come on," he said, grabbing your hand. "I'll put on a movie."
You sat down on the couch as Sunghoon sat down beside you. He handed you the remote as he opened a beer, putting his feet up on the table. You picked something to watch, watching him as he sipped his beer.
He caught you looking at him and he smiled, raising an eyebrow. "What?"
"Nothing," you said, shaking your head. "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
You opened your mouth to answer, but nothing came out. What were you supposed to say? That you were thinking about him and how he was always so sweet and kind and patient with you? You felt like that was crossing a line.
"I was just thinking that I like this," you said, gesturing to the TV. "I like hanging out with you."
"Me too," Sunghoon said, looking at you. “We haven’t really done this very often lately."
You felt guilt rise up in your chest. You couldn't remember the last time you had come over here.
"I've just been really busy," you said, avoiding his gaze. 
“But not too busy for sex huh?” he said, shaking his head. He reached down, pulling up your leg so he could rub his hands up and down your thigh.
You winced. You knew he wasn't mad, but he did sound hurt. You reached forward and took his hand, moving it so he was holding your hand. You linked your fingers with his, squeezing it.
"I'm sorry," you whispered, looking up at him. "I'm being selfish."
Sunghoon shook his head, squeezing your hand back. "It's fine."
"I'm sorry," you repeated, squeezing his hand again.
He let out a sigh, dropping his head down so it was resting on yours. "What are you sorry about?"
"I don't know," you said, watching your fingers intertwined with his. "I'm sorry about all the times that I'm rude to you."
"You're not rude," he said, and he lifted his head up, leaning forward and kissing your forehead. He pulled away, pressing a kiss to your nose and then your cheek before he kissed your lips.
You kissed him back, letting go of his hand as you moved closer to him. He wrapped an arm around you, kissing you deeper. He licked into your mouth, sighing against your lips as you put your hand on his chest, feeling the thump of his heart against your palm.
He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as you slid your hand up to cup the side of his neck.
"I should stop doing this," you whispered, opening your eyes.
He opened his eyes as well, tilting his head so he was looking at you.
"Doing what?"
You opened your mouth, before closing it. "Kissing you."
"Why?"
"Because it's not fair to you."
"It doesn't feel fair that you only want to kiss me when you're drunk or lonely or upset," he said.
You couldn't say anything. He was right. You leaned forward, resting your face in the crook of his neck. You felt Sunghoon's arms wrap around you, pulling you onto his lap.
“But you always come back to me," he whispered, rubbing your back. "That means something, doesn't it?"
"No strings attached," you said quietly.
"Is that all it was?" he asked. "Nothing more than you just using me to forget about him?"
You lifted your head up, looking at him. "I- I-"
You didn't know what you were going to say. You couldn't tell him that he was right and you had only used him as a way to get over Heeseung because you knew he wouldn't want to hear that.
He seemed to understand that, anyway.
"Look, it's fine," he said. He dropped his hand down your back, squeezing your ass. "You can use me however you need."
You swallowed, trying to calm down your breathing. He was still holding you tightly, but his expression had softened. You bit your lip, leaning forward and kissing his neck.
Sunghoon let out a groan, and he ran his hands up your back. He cupped your face, kissing you and you moved your hips, grinding down on his lap. He groaned again, opening his mouth as your tongues slid against each other.
You pulled away from him, sitting back. You moved so your knees were on either side of his thighs, pushing him back so he was lying down.
He put his hands on your hips, watching as you slid off the couch. You stepped towards him on your knees, undoing his belt as he looked up at you. You pushed his jeans down to his ankles before you stopped, kneeling down and pulling them off his feet. He watched you the entire time, lifting his legs up and kicking his jeans away as you did so.
You stared up at him, your eyes roaming down his body. You placed your hand on his thigh, squeezing the flesh between your fingers as you licked your lips. You could see the outline of his dick in his underwear, and it was already so hard.
You slid your hand up, moving closer to him as you stared into his eyes. You looked down, watching as you rubbed him over his underwear. His dick twitched, and Sunghoon let out a breath.
"Can I blow you?"
"Fuck," Sunghoon groaned, throwing his head back as he tangled his hand in your hair. "Yeah. You don’t have to ask me that.”
You smiled, sliding your hand down his underwear. You pulled out his dick, looking up at him again. You licked your lips, before you leaned forward, licking the tip of his dick. You sucked the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it.
You heard him groan, and you slid him deeper into your mouth. He wasn't huge, but he wasn't small either. You ran your tongue along the underside as you slowly moved your head, letting your saliva drip down his dick. You could feel the veins against your tongue as you slid him out, opening your mouth wide so you could suck him in.
You bobbed your head on his dick, moving your head faster as you started to feel it throb in your mouth. You moaned around him, letting your saliva drip onto his balls. You looked up at him through your lashes and he bit back a loud groan at the sight. He put his hands back in your hair, tugging it back gently.
"You're so good," he breathed out, thrusting his hips upwards. You choked around him but you didn’t back down. You took him deeper, letting him fuck into your mouth.
He moaned as he looked down at you, letting his eyes rake over your body. "You look so fucking pretty like that."
You moaned in response, squeezing his thighs. He let out another loud groan as his dick twitched in your mouth.
You moved your head faster, looking up at him as you sucked his dick. He groaned, moving his hands to your shoulders.
"Fuck," he grunted, thrusting into your mouth again. "I'm gonna cum," he warned, and you moaned to let him know it was okay.
You moved faster, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked his dick. You could hear the obscene sounds of his dick in your mouth and you moved your hands down to his balls, massaging them. You could feel them tighten, and then you heard Sunghoon moan once more as he thrust one last time into your mouth.
You didn't have time to move away before he shot his cum down your throat, and you almost choked in surprise. You swallowed quickly, trying not to gag as he continued to shoot into your mouth.
"Fuck," he groaned, rubbing your shoulder. "Sorry."
You pulled away from his dick, opening your mouth to show him. He looked down at you, watching as you swallowed again before he looked up at you with hooded eyes.
"Good girl," he breathed out, pushing his fingers through your hair.
You smiled up at him, reaching up to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. He looked at your hand before he reached forward, pulling you up. He sat you on his lap, wrapping his arms around you.
"You were so good," he whispered, and he placed his hand on your face, rubbing his thumb over your cheek. He leaned forward, kissing you and you kissed him back.
You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pressed yourself closer to him, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his warm lips on yours.
He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours as he smiled at you. "How about that movie?"
"Yeah," you nodded, sitting back. You watched him as he got up, reaching for the remote on the table. He pressed play on the movie, turning back to you and sitting down beside you again.
He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close as he turned his attention to the movie that was still playing on the screen. He pressed his lips to your temple and you closed your eyes, letting out a small sigh.
You let yourself relax against him, enjoying his warmth as you pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Sunghoon looked down at you, raising his eyebrows as he looked back up at the TV.
You fell asleep before the movie was even halfway over.
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“Hey, are you busy this afternoon?"
You looked up at Sunghoon, raising an eyebrow.
"For what?" you asked.
He grinned at you, shaking his head. "For anything."
"I have to go grocery shopping later," you said, pursing your lips. "But that's it."
He nodded, still smiling at you.
You gave him a curious look, tilting your head to the side.
"What is it?" you asked.
"Can we go somewhere?" he asked.
"Like where?"
"Like a date," he said, his grin growing. "A proper date. A real one."
You blinked at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying.
"Like a real date?" you asked. "Like...a first date?"
Sunghoon laughed. "Yes. Like a first date."
You didn't know how to answer. You stared at him for a while before you looked down. You could feel your heart start to race and you were sure that he could see it beating under your shirt.
"What do you say?" Sunghoon asked, squeezing your knee. "Is that a yes?"
"Yes," you said immediately.
He grinned at you, rubbing your knee again. "Let's go to lunch and then we'll do something. How does that sound?"
"Okay," you breathed out, still trying to get used to the idea of having a real date with him.
Sunghoon grinned again, leaning forward and kissing your cheek.
"Perfect."
You got ready before he picked you up, and you found yourself actually being excited about this date. You wanted to let your worries go for the day and just spend time with him.
You were excited. You wanted to go on a date with Sunghoon, you really did. But your mood shifted as soon as you saw the text that appeared on your phone, minutes before Sunghoon was supposed to pick you up. 
Heeseung: I need to talk to you.
Heeseung: can we meet?
You barely hesitated before you replied. 
You: where?
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You felt nauseous as you stood outside the café. You tried to look for him, but there were a lot of people there. You could see the tables inside, but you couldn't see Heeseung.
You didn't want to do this. You were going to walk away.
You felt your phone buzz in your hand, and you looked down at it. You had a message.
 Heeseung: I'm at the table outside.
You looked around, finally finding him. He was sitting at a table outside, looking through the menu as he waited.
You could feel yourself get nervous as you made your way over, and you didn't know what to do. You didn't know what you were going to say.
You took a deep breath as you sat down across from him, placing your phone down on the table.
He looked up from the menu, meeting your eyes as he smiled softly. "Hey."
"Hi."
You fidgeted, staring at the table.
"I wanted to apologize," he said, breaking the silence. "For what I did to you. For everything I put you through. You deserved better than that."
You said nothing.
"I just wanted to apologize and tell you that you don't have to worry about me anymore," he said. "I'm not going to come near you or bother you again."
You felt yourself calm down a bit, and you looked up at him.
"You’re really an asshole, Lee Heeseung."
He laughed, shaking his head. "I know."
You stared at each other for a while, not saying anything. You couldn't figure out why you were there, but you didn't want to leave.
"Why are you doing this?" you asked, sighing.
He shrugged. "I just...I just feel like I need to say it."
You stayed silent, pursing your lips.
“And truthfully… I don’t think I can face Sunghoon again if I don’t say this.”
You frowned at that. Why couldn't he face Sunghoon again?
"What do you mean?"
He stared at you, before looking down at his lap. He shook his head.
“Hoon would kill me if I ever hurt you again. And he'd be right to. So I'm just trying to make sure that I don't."
"Hurt me again? Or be killed by Sunghoon?
"Both I guess," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
You stared at him for a moment before you started laughing.
"What?"
You shook your head, still laughing.
"Hoon wouldn't kill you. He’s too soft."
"You think?" Heeseung said, and you could see the hint of a smile on his lips. "I think he would."
"How come?”
He shrugged. "Because he loves you."
You stared at him for a moment, not knowing how to respond.
"Why are you telling me this?"
He looked down at the table, running his fingers over the edge of it.
"I want you to know the truth. I want you to know how I feel," he said. "And I want you to know that I don't want you to come back."
"Excuse me?" you said, and your voice was much harsher than you intended it to be.
"I mean," Heeseung said quickly. "I want you to move on and I don't want to drag you down."
"That's rich, coming from you," you muttered, looking away from him. "Especially since you're the reason I feel so depressed and sad."
He winced.
"But thanks for that,” you snapped. "I really needed to hear that."
You crossed your arms, pursing your lips.
"Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk-"
"Then stop talking."
You were really mad now. You felt tears starting to form in your eyes.
"You're not going to make this better for anyone by saying this," you said, clenching your fists. "It's too late for you to make it right. So why don't you just keep your mouth shut."
He said nothing, and you took a deep breath. You were surprised to realise that your heart didn’t hurt as much you thought it would. You were still upset, but the pain was gone.
"Just leave me alone," you muttered, picking your bag up. You stood up, trying to calm yourself down as you made your way out of the café.
You had almost forgotten about your date when you got home and the sight of a distraught Sunghoon outside your door took you by surprise.
"Where were you?" he asked immediately, pulling you into a hug. He pulled you against him tightly, and you wrapped your arms around him, closing your eyes as he squeezed you. “I’ve been worried sick.”
You felt the guilt sink over you. You hadn't even thought about your date. You hadn't even considered how Sunghoon would feel. You had been so caught up in seeing Heeseung that you had completely forgotten.
"I'm sorry," you whispered, clutching his shirt tightly.
"I was so worried," he said, pulling away from the hug. "You didn't even text me back and I called you so many times. Where were you?”
"I'm sorry," you repeated, and you could feel the tears forming in your eyes. "I just...I had to see him."
He stared at you, frowning. "Him?"
You nodded, letting out a shaky breath.
"Don't get mad," you said quickly. "Just don't. I had to see him, and that's it. I'm sorry."
His face hardened, and you saw his jaw clench.
"Who? Heeseung?"
You bit your lip, nodding your head again.
"I needed to see him," you said again, looking down. "He told me some things and I wanted to hear them from him. I don't know if he meant to or not, but he said-"
"Don't tell me," Sunghoon snapped, cutting you off. "I don't want to know. It doesn't matter."
"Hoon-"
"I don't want to know what he had to say," Sunghoon said, his voice louder. “It doesn’t matter anyways. No matter what shitty thing he says or does, you always go back to him. He keeps doing this to you, and you keep letting him."
He pushed past you and you reached out for him, but he moved out of your reach. You could see him running a hand through his hair, his fists clenched by his sides.
"I don't even know why I'm surprised," he said, shaking his head. "He's going to keep coming back. He's going to keep using you-"
"No-"
"-and I'm just going to sit back and watch it happen again," he snapped, and he turned around to look at you.
"That's not true!"
"Is it?" he shouted, taking a step towards you. "It is! All I am is a distraction for you!"
"Sunghoon-"
"I'm sorry for doing this," he said, cutting you off. "I'm sorry for putting up with it all."
You didn't know what he was talking about. You didn't understand where this was all coming from.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "But this isn't working for me anymore."
"What isn't?"
"This," he said, gesturing between the two of you. "Us."
You were so confused right now. You really didn’t want to believe what was happening. 
"What are you saying?"
"I don't want to be your distraction anymore," he said. "I'm sorry. I just can't be around you right now."
You felt your heart drop and you took a step towards him.
"Hoon-"
"I'm sorry," he said again.
He turned away from you, walking down the hall. He walked quickly, his back straight as you tried to keep up with him.
"Hoon wait-"
He ignored you, walking faster. You kept pace with him, trying to keep up as he made his way down the stairs. He didn't look back, didn't say anything to you as he walked down the sidewalk.
You stood in the doorway, watching as he walked away from you. You wanted to run after him, to pull him back and demand to know why.
But you knew that you weren't going to.
He didn't look back. He didn't even slow down as he walked away, leaving you alone.
You could feel the tears start to run down your face. 
You didn't even realise how much you cared about him until you couldn't see him anymore.
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Sunghoon was a wreck.
He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and thrown on the floor, stomped on, and then tossed into the garbage.
It was his own fault really. He had known this was going to happen. He had known from the moment he agreed to let himself fall for you. He was a fool.
“That’s it, I’m tired of you moping around the house."
Sunghoon looked up at Jay, blinking.
"What?"
"You heard me," Jay said, shaking his head. "You need to get up and go get laid or something.”
"I'm not interested," Sunghoon mumbled, lying back down on his bed. He rolled over, pulling the pillow over his head. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore Jay.
"I don't believe that," Jay said, leaning over to smack the back of Sunghoon's head. "You've been moping around the house for two weeks. It's time to get over her."
"Get out of my room," Sunghoon groaned, clutching the pillow tightly. "I'm sleeping."
"You haven't been sleeping."
Sunghoon glared up at Jay, shoving the pillow away and sitting up.
"What do you want?" he snapped.
Jay leaned back in his chair, giving Sunghoon a grin. "I want you to go out with me tonight."
Sunghoon glared at him, rubbing his temples. "Why?"
"Because we haven't hung out in a while," Jay said, shrugging his shoulders. "We can get drinks or something."
Sunghoon looked away from Jay, shaking his head. He didn't want to go out and have fun. He didn't want to hang out with people. He didn't want to do anything.
"Look, you need to get out of the house," Jay said, sighing. "You're only going to make yourself worse. You need to move on."
"Move on?" Sunghoon said, and he let out a humourless laugh. "I haven't even seen her in a while."
"But you're still thinking about her," Jay said, his voice softer. "And I think you need to move on."
Sunghoon couldn't find the words to reply.
"Come on, it'll be fun," Jay said, clapping his hands. "We'll go out and get drinks, and maybe we can even pick up some girls."
Sunghoon felt his chest start to tighten.
"It'll be fun."
Sunghoon took a deep breath, letting his body fall back down on his bed. He turned to the side, closing his eyes as he sighed.
He heard Jay sigh.
"Okay," Jay said, getting up from his chair. "If you don't want to come-"
"Okay, okay, I'll go."
Jay grinned, leaning over to pat Sunghoon on the head.
"Good. I'll see you tonight then."
He left Sunghoon's room and Sunghoon groaned into his pillow.
It was going to be a long night.
"So what do you want to do?"
Sunghoon took another sip from his nth drink (he had already lost count), shaking his head. He looked around the bar, before looking back at Jay. "I don't know. This is a waste of time."
"It's not a waste of time," Jay said. "It's fun to go out and see people."
"I guess," Sunghoon said, sipping from his drink again.
"That girl in the back keeps looking at you," Jay said, nodding towards the corner of the room.
Sunghoon turned around, seeing the girl Jay was talking about. She was smiling at him, and Sunghoon gave her a nod. He looked away, sipping his drink again.
"Well?" Jay said. "Go over there and get her."
Sunghoon glanced at her again, before turning back to Jay.
"You're an asshole."
Jay laughed.
Sunghoon finished his drink, getting up. He ignored Jay as he left the table, walking towards the bar to get another drink.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. It was already bad enough that he had to be here. He didn't need Jay trying to push him into things.
"Hey."
Sunghoon turned around, seeing the girl from before. She had a drink in her hand and she was smiling at him. Shit. 
"Uh-"
"I'm so sorry if I'm being forward," she said, leaning forward and resting her hand on his chest. "But you looked like you were ready to leave and I just thought-"
"No, it's fine," he said quickly, shaking his head. He stepped towards her, letting her place her hand on his shoulder. "I was actually just leaving."
"Oh, well, do you want to get out of here then?"
She bit her lip, giving him a suggestive look.
"Um-"
"Or we could stay if you want?" she asked, and she pressed her hand on his chest.
Perhaps he was drunker than he had realised, or perhaps it was the way her fingers brushed over his skin, but Sunghoon couldn't find the strength to say no.
He looked at her again, nodding his head slowly. "Yeah. Okay."
"Yeah?" she asked, giving him a grin. "You're cute."
She grabbed his hand, dragging him through the crowd. She pushed past people, heading towards the door and Sunghoon tried not to get annoyed with her. She pulled him outside, stopping as she turned to him.
"Do you want to come to my place?" she asked, reaching out and grabbing his wrist.
"I don't think-"
She laughed. "Oh, I'm not offering to make you breakfast in the morning," she said, and she ran her hand down his arm, squeezing his hand. "You want to fuck, right?"
Sunghoon didn't say anything.
"Right?" she repeated.
"Yeah," he breathed out. "That's...that's what I'm here for."
"Okay, so let's go," she said, squeezing his hand. She started pulling him down the street, and Sunghoon let her.
He was in a daze. He couldn't stop thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about your laugh and your smile and how much he missed hearing your voice. He couldn't stop thinking about how much he missed your warmth.
He looked down at the girl in front of him, wondering how he had ended up here. She was nice, sure, but he knew this wasn't what he wanted.
He just wanted you.
"Wait."
She turned around, looking at him as she raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
He stared at her, and he was silent for a moment. He bit his lip, before he sighed.
"You're nice," he said, shaking his head. "But I don't want to do this."
She frowned at him, shaking her head. "You said-"
"I know," he said. "I know what I said."
He didn't give her an explanation. He didn't even look back at her as he walked away, leaving her standing in the street. He shoved his hands in his pockets, walking quickly as he tried to block out the sound of her yelling at him.
He felt like an idiot.
He was in the middle of an argument with himself when he arrived home. He didn't have the strength to get changed before he collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes and hoping that he would fall asleep soon.
"What are you doing here?"
Sunghoon opened his eyes, turning his head.
You were standing over him, frowning at him. He sat up, trying not to look as shocked as he felt.
"What?" he asked.
"What are you doing here?" you asked, gesturing to the living room. His eyes started to come back into focus and slowly he realized he wasn't home. In his drunken daze he had come back to your apartment instead.
"Shit," he whispered, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck. I'm sorry."
You didn't say anything, just stood there with your arms crossed and you frowned at him.
He got up from the couch, trying to pull himself together as he grabbed his jacket from the floor. He couldn't remember even taking it off.
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
“Are you drunk?” you asked, shaking your head.
He didn't say anything. He looked down, putting on his jacket and trying to push past you. He needed to get out of here before you made him say something that he would regret.
"Are you drunk?" you repeated.
He looked at you, sighing as he turned back around to face you.
"I am," he said, raising his hand to rub his forehead. He was suddenly so tired. "I was out with Jay and I just...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."
You were silent for a moment before you looked away.
“Stay here for the night."
Sunghoon didn't know how to respond. He stood there, staring at you for what seemed like an eternity. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.
"Stay," you said again. "I'll get you a blanket and pillow."
"You don't have to," he said. "I can just go home-"
"Stay," a pause before you whispered. “Please.”
Sunghoon sighed, running a hand through his hair. He couldn't bring himself to say no to you, no matter how much he wanted to.
He was too tired to argue anyway.
He dropped down on the couch, listening to you move around in your bedroom. He heard you walking back, before you came back with the blanket and pillow in your arms. You dropped them on the couch, reaching for him.
"Sit down," you said.
He did as you asked, and he let you push him back against the cushions. He let you cover him with the blanket, tucking it in around him.
You sat on the edge of the couch, leaning forward to place your hand on his cheek.
"Are you okay?" you asked softly.
He sighed, looking up at you.
"Are you okay?" he repeated.
You were silent for a moment before you let out a sigh. "No. I'm not."
He didn't ask why. He just looked down, staring at your hand against his cheek. He was tempted to place his hand on yours. He wanted to grab it and squeeze it and feel the warmth of your skin.
He didn't though.
"I’m sorry I couldn’t be Heeseung.”
It was only when he heard himself say that he realised he had even been thinking it.
He winced, and he closed his eyes tightly. He turned his head away from you, trying not to cry.
"Hoon-"
He shook his head, covering his face with his hands as he tried to breathe. He felt your fingers against his skin, and he held your hand. He turned his head, placing your hand against his cheek as he looked at you.
“I don’t want you to be Heeseung," you said softly.
Sunghoon blinked at you, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watched your eyes.
"What?"
"I don't want you to be Heeseung," you repeated. “I wanted you. Sunghoon. My Hoon.”
"Why?" he whispered. "You chose him-"
"I didn't."
Sunghoon didn't say anything.
"I didn't," you said again, squeezing his hand. "He just showed up and I was so confused and I couldn't think straight. And I know I messed up so many times but I didn’t know how to deal with it all. I didn't know what to do, so I-"
You broke off, taking a deep breath before you looked up at him again.
"I'm so sorry. I know I messed up but I couldn't-"
Sunghoon cupped your cheek with his hand, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. You pressed your face into his hand, letting out a shaky sigh.
"I missed you so much."
You nodded, closing your eyes as you let out another breath.
"I missed you too."
You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around him. He pulled you onto his lap, holding you tightly as you pressed your face into his chest. You pressed your cheek against him, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him tightly. He slid one arm around your waist, placing his hand on your back as he squeezed you tighter.
He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of your body against his. You were here in his arms again and he wasn't going to let you go.
"Don't leave me," he whispered, burying his face in your hair.
"I won't," you whispered back.
He took a deep breath, squeezing you again as he held you close.
"Never again."
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Sunghoon woke up with a head splitting headache.
He opened his eyes slowly, before letting out a groan. He closed them again, turning his face away from the sunlight streaming through the window. He covered his face with his arm, letting out a loud groan.
"Shit," he groaned again.
"Drink this."
Sunghoon lowered his arm, looking over to see you sitting on the edge of the couch, holding a glass of water and pills. He blinked at you, rubbing his eyes as he took the water and pills from you. He took a deep breath, letting out a sigh as he sat up slowly.
You sat next to him, grabbing his hand as he reached for the water. He downed it quickly, dropping his hand as you took the glass back from him.
"Thanks," he groaned, running a hand through his hair. He turned to you, squinting at you as you gave him a soft smile.
"Good morning," you said. "How do you feel?"
Sunghoon groaned again, rubbing his temples. "My head hurts."
"That's what happens when you drink a lot," you said, shaking your head. You reached for him, and he leaned his head against your shoulder. You ran your fingers through his hair, and he let out another groan.
"What time is it?"
"A little after ten," you said, and he could hear the smile in your voice.
"I have to get home and shower," he muttered, closing his eyes. "And change."
“You can shower here. And I still have some of your clothes.”
He looked up at you in confusion. “Did I leave my clothes here?”
You averted his eyes, suddenly very interested on the rug infront of the couch. “I uh... might have taken a few of your hoodies. And shirts. And a sweater and some shorts."
Sunghoon laughed, shaking his head. "Of course you did."
He reached forward, pulling you down onto the couch. You squealed in surprise as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly as he pressed his face into your neck.
"I missed you," he murmured, placing a kiss against your skin.
You laughed softly, placing your hands on his chest. You pushed him back, meeting his eyes as you gave him a smile.
"I missed you too."
Sunghoon squeezed you again, leaning forward to press a kiss to your lips. You kissed back, humming as you closed your eyes.
He pulled away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours. 
“I would kiss you more but I really want to freshen up first. Do you want to join me in the shower?” he asked, giving you a suggestive look.
You laughed, shoving his shoulder playfully. "Sure. Let's get you freshened up."
Sunghoon laughed, letting you sit up. He let you grab his hand, leading him out of the living room and down the hall to your bathroom.
Sunghoon smiled at you as he watched you turn on the water in the shower, waiting for it to warm up. You grabbed the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head and tossing it into the laundry basket. He couldn't take his eyes off you as you reached behind you, undoing your bra. He watched as you pulled it off, tossing it into the laundry basket as well. You reached for your pants, slowly pushing them down your legs as you gave him a sly smile.
“What are you looking at?
He swallowed, shaking his head as he looked away. "Nothing.”
You giggled, turning back to the shower as you undid your pants, pushing them down and stepping out of them. You looked back at him as you slid off your panties, smiling at him as you reached up and undid your hair. You ran your fingers through it, letting out a sigh as you shook it out.
"Hoon."
"Yeah?"
"You’re still dressed. And you’re staring at me again."
"Right."
Sunghoon was starting to think that his brain-to-mouth filter wasn't functioning correctly today.
He pulled off his shirt, dropping it onto the floor before he slid off his pants and underwear. You watched him with a smirk on your lips and Sunghoon felt himself growing hard. He stepped into the shower, pulling you to him and kissing you as you laughed.
He could feel the water dripping down his back as you pushed him against the shower wall. He wrapped an arm around your waist, squeezing your ass with his other hand. You let out a giggle against his lips, pulling away to press your lips against his neck.
"Fuck, I missed you," Sunghoon groaned.
"I missed you too," you said softly.
"Show me," Sunghoon said, running his hands up your back. He grabbed your face with both hands, pulling you back for another kiss. You kissed him back, moaning softly against his lips as you pressed yourself against him.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, letting him grab your ass again and lift you up. You gasped against his lips, wrapping your legs around him. He pressed you against the wall, pushing himself against you as he squeezed your ass again.
"Hoon," you moaned, sliding your hands down his shoulders and to his chest. You broke the kiss, looking at him with a smile on your lips.
"What?"
“I love you."
Sunghoon stopped, and you panicked. 
"Hoon-"
"Say that again," Sunghoon whispered, brushing a wet lock of hair away from your face.
You stared at him for a moment, biting your lip as you felt your heart start to race.
You took a deep breath, and you felt a smile spread across your lips. "I love you."
Sunghoon let out a breath, before he kissed you again. He pressed his lips against yours, kissing you deeply as you sighed against him. You held onto him tightly as he squeezed you again, grinding against you. He was so hard and you could feel the head of his dick pressing against your folds.
"Hoon," you moaned again, pulling away from him. You reached down, grabbing his dick and stroking him slowly. You could feel your pussy starting to grow wet, and you squeezed him again, moaning softly.
"Fuck," he groaned, resting his forehead against yours. He looked into your eyes, his own clouded with lust as he smiled at you. "You're gonna make me cum if you keep that up."
You bit your lip, continuing to stroke him as you gave him a coy look. You kissed him, sliding your hand down his chest. "Maybe that's the point."
"Oh? Is that so?" Sunghoon grinned, moving forward and kissing you again. "So you don’t want me to fuck you?”
You let out a moan as his dick pressed against your clit. "I want you to fuck me."
Sunghoon let out a deep groan, squeezing your ass with both hands as he kissed you again.
"Fuck, I love you," he moaned against your lips. He pulled away from you, reaching for your neck as he sucked a hickey on your skin. "I love you."
He lowered you to your feet, turning you around. He grabbed your waist, and you let out a gasp as you felt his dick press against you. He pushed your hair out of the way, kissing your back as he slid his hand down your front, reaching for your clit.
He rubbed it slowly, making you moan as he slid his other arm around you, holding you close to him. He pressed his lips against the back of your shoulder, and you arched your back as you let out a moan.
"Fuck," you moaned, trying to push back against him. He let out a laugh, continuing to rub your clit as he grinded against your ass.
You squeezed your eyes shut, letting out another loud moan. You felt him press his lips against your skin, and you could feel his smirk as he kept teasing you.
You could feel the head of his dick slide between your folds, and you moaned again as he rubbed against your clit.
He ran his hands up your front, squeezing your breasts before he moved them down again. He grabbed your waist, squeezing them tightly as he pushed you forward a bit. You placed your hands against the wall, leaning forward and bracing yourself as you felt him rub the head of his dick against your clit.
"Hoon," you moaned, closing your eyes as you felt his dick rub against you again. "Please."
He rubbed his dick between your folds, smearing your wetness around as he rubbed against your clit. You were getting impatient now, and you moved your hips a bit, trying to get him to move forward.
He let out a low growl, before he pressed the head of his dick into you.
"Ah," you gasped, letting your head fall forward.
You felt him start to move slowly, pushing himself into you inch by inch as you moaned his name. You clutched the wall tightly, letting out a loud moan as he continued to push himself into you. You felt him move your hair away from your shoulder, pressing a kiss to your neck.
"You're so tight," he whispered into your ear, before biting down gently on your skin.
You moaned again, leaning against him as he grabbed your waist. He pulled out, sliding back into you again and you gasped.
He slid out again, this time grabbing your ass and squeezing it tightly as he pressed himself into you again. He continued to thrust into you, and you moaned his name as you he out a low sigh. He grabbed your hair again, pulling it back as he started to move faster, fucking into you with a roughness you didn't expect.
"You feel so good," Sunghoon moaned. “Pussy made just for me."
You couldn't even respond. You were completely lost in the feeling of his dick sliding into you. You were so wet and you could feel your own slick on your thighs.
You moved your hips back, meeting his thrusts as he moved faster.
"That's it baby," Sunghoon whispered. "You feel so good around me."
You could feel your orgasm starting to build, and you let out another loud moan.
"So good," Sunghoon groaned, and he slid one hand down your front, rubbing your clit slowly.
"Hoon!" you cried out, moving your hips against his hand as he kept moving his hips. You could feel your pussy starting to clench around him and you moaned his name again.
"Fuck, you're close," he groaned, rubbing your clit faster. "I can feel you clenching around me."
"I'm so close," you cried out, leaning forward as he pulled you back by your hair. You braced yourself on the wall, closing your eyes as you felt yourself growing close. You felt him pull out of you suddenly, and you turned your head back to look at him.
"Hoon, what-"
He grabbed your hair, pushing you against the shower wall again. He slid back into you, pressing himself into you as you let out a moan.
He fucked into you hard, and you tried to look at him over your shoulder. He pressed his lips against your shoulder, moaning as he pushed himself deep inside of you. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as he fucked you.
"I love you," he said, his voice low and his breath hot on your neck. "I love you so much."
You bit your lip, moaning his name as he thrust into you again.
"That's it," Sunghoon groaned. "Call my name like that again."
You moaned his name again, arching your back as he continued to thrust into you. You were so close to coming now, and you felt your orgasm start to take over.
"I'm going to cum," you moaned, reaching back to grab onto his hand. "I'm going to-"
You felt him thrust into you again, and you felt your orgasm hit you. You moaned loudly, letting your head fall forward as he let out a loud groan.
"Fuck, you're squeezing my dick," Sunghoon growled. "You're so good at sucking me in."
You clenched around him, feeling him pull you back as he thrust into you again.
"Fuck!" he cried out, and you felt him twitch inside of you. You felt his cum shoot into you, and you clenched around him again, squeezing him tightly.
He let go of you, sliding out of you as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You turned around to face him, placing your hand on his cheek. You looked up at him with a smile on your lips.
He gave you a tired grin, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours.
"Can never get tired of that," he muttered, giving you a wink.
"Shut up."
He laughed, and you shook your head. You pushed him backwards, grabbing the showerhead as you grabbed his arm and pushed him under the stream of water.
"Hey!" he shouted, trying to push you away as he laughed.
You laughed, turning the showerhead off before you pulled him back to you, kissing him as you slid your arms around him.
"So, I was thinking that we could go out to dinner tonight and then we could go see a movie," he said. “You still owe me a date."
You grinned, kissing his cheek. "Yeah? That sounds nice."
"Yeah?" he said, pulling you back into the spray of the shower. You let him push you under the water, letting out a laugh as he ran his hands up your back.
"I'd love that."
2K notes · View notes
bvidzsoo · 9 months
Text
Who am I?
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Author: bvidzsoo
Warnings: mentions of a gun, cursing, smut
Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female reader
Word count: 14,2k
Summary: Going through the dark passageway late in the night really wasn't your greatest idea, but the angels were on lookout that night and sent Jeong Yunho as your savior. But what happens when you realize Jeong Yunho isn't at all what he seems to be?
A/N: Uh...hi? This piece here really shouldn't exist, like the way I wrote it was so against the routine I have when doing stories, I'm even shocked it became real. It also was supposed to be a mere longer drabble but oh well, I suck at writing short stories either way. Also, Jeong Yunho is a constant in my mind lately so...ig it was inevitable that I write something with him. *sigh* There's smut in here and ugh...yeah, I tried again lol. Leave feedback, I very much appreciate it and stay tuned for the next chapter of the rockstar!au Mingi story! Enjoy now and tell me your thoughts!
⟨Masterlist⟩
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            It really was my fault; I should have been smarter before turning down the dimly lit passageway between the two tall buildings. But the path towards my flat was shorter this way, and I was in a hurry, desperate to finally get home after a long and busy day. The streets were quiet as night had settled upon the otherwise lively city and as I exhaled through my mouth, a little puff of smog appeared in the chilly air. My hands slipped deeper into the pockets of my black bomber jacket as I nuzzled my nose more into it, the tip of it unmistakably red. Winter struck upon us quite unexpectedly and the hope that we still had a few more days of sunshine and as little warmth as the sun could offer came crushing down when the wind picked up two days ago and snow started falling immediately. And what was even worse is that the temperatures dropped so low that everything had frozen over by now and it was slipper; in the past ten minutes I have almost fallen on my bum at least three times. But the little scare got my heart pumping faster, and I wasn’t feeling as cold as I was supposed to despite the layers of clothing adorning my body.
There was a light shuffle behind me, that was the first thing which caught my attention, and then suddenly, the dark figure standing a few feet ahead close to the wall, as if they were facing it, was the second thing to alarm me. My heart leaped slightly as my hands balled up into fists in my pockets, but I quickly tried to calm myself down. Not all men were evil and not all men wanted to hurt women, and I wasn’t even sure it was a man standing up front. My legs carried me faster and I gulped when the person whipped their head around to look at me. My hunch was right, it was a man, and he had a bloodied lip as I took in his face while still approaching. I quickly averted my eyes and quickened my pace, hoping that if I ignored him, he would ignore me as well. I had nothing on me if he decided to attack me, I could only hope my fists were good enough and I wouldn’t break my fingers if I was forced to use brute force. I only would have had to take three more steps to be past the man, but he suddenly jumped in front of me and I came to a halt as he squared me up. I tried not to let him see the fear I was feeling pulsing through my body as I clenched my jaw as my body lightly trembled from the adrenaline coursing through my bloodstream.
“Hey there, bunny.” My eyebrows furrowed at his raw voice, almost as if it was hard for him to speak as a disgusting smirk painted his lips. I suddenly wished I had taken the longer way, walked on the main road instead of this shortcut. When the man realized I wouldn’t say anything back, he tsked, “Are you shy, little bunny?”
Nicknames were annoying in a normal scenario and it was only making my skin crawl right now, but I remained silent, gripping the keys of my flat’s front door which I had in my left pocket. One wrong move from the man, and I wouldn’t hesitate to stab him with it.
“Why are you not answering me?” His voice got rougher and he took a wobbly step towards me, and without much thought, I whirled around with the purpose of walking back the way I have come, but another man was blocking my path. He looked lanky and was hunched over as his lips pulled into a scary sneer. I was cornered. My hands started trembling more as I took a deep breath, trying to think level headed, but my mind was clouded with panic as I searched for an escape route without much success. Before I could even react, the man with the busted lip approached me from behind and as I turned to be able to see him, his rough hand made contact with my left shoulder. I quickly yanked myself away and slightly crashed into the concrete wall of the building behind me.
“Don’t touch me!” I managed to snap out with a shaky voice, yet it sounded rough. It certainly didn’t match the way I was feeling, scared absolutely shitless.
“Is my little bunny scared?” If I wasn’t so scared I probably would’ve seen red at his claim over me, and it only made it worse as the other man chuckled. My eyes snapped towards him before quickly looking back at the other man when I realized he tried to grab at me again.
“I said, don’t touch me!” I shrieked and went to push him backwards, breathing irregularly as I was full on shaking, on the verge of a break down. But if I started crying I would look helpless, which I was, and I probably wouldn’t be able to see anything, so I willed myself to blink away the tears quickly.
“You little bitch, you wanna play rough?” The man spat as he had stumbled backwards from my push and I shrunk against the wall when the taller one suddenly started approaching, a hungry stare in his eyes. My lips started trembling and I went to yank out my keys and lunge at the taller one, but a very amused chuckle halted everyone’s actions. All I could think about was a third man coming to do vile things to me and at the thought, a few tears rolled down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped at them when I saw the battered-up man smirking in my direction at my distress.
“I thought I beat your sorry ass into unconsciousness.” At the hear of the third person’s voice, the battered-up man suddenly froze and his eyes widened as the taller one took a step back, leaving just enough space for me to run away, “What are you still doing out here?”
The battered-up one cursed under his breath before putting on a fake smile as he whirled around, facing the third man. I was too scared to look, shaking, as I pondered whether it was the distraction I needed to run away, “I was just playing with my little bunny, you should go on your way—”
“She doesn’t look like she wants to play with you, Siwon.” The third man snapped and my eyebrows furrowed at the familiarity of his tone. It resembled someone’s I knew from my university, but I remained unmoving as the tall man slowly backed away, “And you, Nikhun, I thought I said I didn’t want to see you around here, anymore…”
“I was just passing by.” The taller one, Nikhun, stiffly said before he abruptly turned around and took off almost in a run as the familiar voice just chuckled. My muscles slightly relaxed as I realized I could now just run back the way I had come, and moving slowly, I started heading just that way.
“I know I said I wasn’t going to kill you, Siwon,” The familiar sounding man tsked as I continued slowly walking with my back pressed up against the building’s cold wall, “But you’re really testing my patience lately.”
“Fuck you, man.” Siwon spat and I jumped when there was suddenly a loud crash and an exasperated scoff. I froze and didn’t dare breathe as I felt eyes on me. I didn’t know who was looking at me or what happened, I was scared to turn my head and look. I had to run. But as I pushed myself away from the wall, the familiar voice suddenly called out.
“It’s okay now, Y/N.” What—I whipped my head around and first took in the scene. Siwon, the battered-up man, was lying on the ground unconscious by the big trashcan. The loud bang must’ve been him. With wide eyes, I looked at the third man alarmed, and my jaw dropped as I stood staring at the familiar face of Jeong Yunho. Everyone knew him at university and everyone loved him. Jeong Yunho was like the sunshine. He was always smiling and laughing, cracking harmless jokes and hitting up a conversation effortlessly with anyone. He was kind and considerate, he always helped out anyone who needed help. He would carry your stuff if they were heavy and he’d walk you home if it was too late. He held the door open for anyone and he would make place for you at the Cafeteria if there were no more empty spots. The Jeong Yunho who was often found in the library with his nose buried in books, typing furiously on his laptop, and always turning in his assignments way before their deadline. He wore light colors and fluffy clothes, often paired with hilarious beanies and hats. But the guy standing a few feet away from me looked nothing like the Yunho I have taken glances at or heard stories about. Yunho and I weren’t friends, we were far from being acquittances even, but everyone knew him at our university and that included me. We were people from two very different universes and I had no idea how he knew my name. Yes, sure, we would cross paths in the library at times when I was in a rush as my deadline was a day or two away, and yes, I did almost spill my coffee on him once, but there was never a conversation involved or an exchange of names. Just a small, “Oh, my, God! I’m so sorry, that was a close call.”, and a “Don’t worry about it, you have great coordination, you stopped in time.” If I would have had great coordination, I wouldn’t have nearly ran into him, but I didn’t have the time to tell him that as I was late to work.
“Yun—Yunho?” I stuttered out finally once I was one hundred percent convinced it was Jeong Yunho. The dimly lit passageway made it harder to see his face from where I was standing and his clothes were unrecognizable, but it was his voice which confirmed his identity.
“Jeong Yunho in person.” He chuckled and I finally pulled myself together and slowly started approaching him. My legs were slightly shaky and I was still clutching my keys tightly in my left hand, but my heartbeat was slowly calming down. I passed by Siwon and took a peek against my better judgement, eyes widening when I saw the little trickle of red from the side of his head. Was he…going to die?
I looked up as I came to a stop a few steps away from Yunho and exhaled, coming face to face with a very unfamiliar looking Jeong Yunho. Despite the cold weather he was wearing a black leather jacket over what seemed to be a long-sleeved form fitting blouse with graphic design on it, and wide black jeans hugged his legs with the blouse tucked in, showing off his waist. His neck was decorated with various necklaces and as he extended one hand towards me, I noticed all the rings on his long fingers. I gulped as I looked back up at him, slightly intimidated and mostly confused. His black hair was completely pushed back and the usual fluffiness was gone from it.
“Come, you’re safe now.” Yunho encouraged me with his usual warm smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I reluctantly extended my hand and placed it in his palm, gasping when he yanked me forward, making me jump over Siwon’s slumped body. Yunho smirked as I somehow managed not to fall against his chest, big eyes staring up at him in shock, “Good thing I was passing by, angel, or else these two…”
He didn’t finish his sentence and he didn’t have to; I knew. I gulped and became aware of the awfully obvious height difference between the two of us and scrambled to pull my hand out of his, but Yunho’s grip suddenly tightened and he stepped closer, making me tip my head back as I tried looking in his eyes. My heart was racing once again and I could feel a blush creep up onto my cheeks as Yunho’s eyes examined my face with a small smirk, “What are you doing out here so late at night?”
“I—” My mind blanched for a second as Yunho’s cold fingers intertwined with mine, “I had the evening shift today, I—I was just walking home.”
“It’s unsafe at this hour.” Yunho’s voice turned stern and I averted my eyes, suddenly embarrassed that I was getting scolded by him, “And especially through this neighborhood, Y/N. You should’ve stuck to the main road instead.”
“I know.” I grumbled under my breath and Yunho chuckled, his voice deep, and it only made me flush harder as I avoided eye contact.
“Let’s get you home.” He said quietly and I looked at him alarmed, extracting my hand from his as he started walking us towards the end of the passageway.
“I can walk on my own—” I said in a panic, not wanting Yunho to walk with me. I wasn’t even far away, I have taken this route so many times before, I was going to be fine now that those two men were gone, but Yunho’s tone definitely made me rethink my words as he spoke up.
“You are not walking on your own, especially around here.” Yunho’s voice was sharp and he threw me a quick glare as he looked behind, at me, “Do you not know anything about this place?”
I shrugged and pushed my hands into my pockets again, “I do, but it’s not that big of a deal. I always walk home at this time and nothing has ever happened. I just had bad luck tonight.”
“Bad luck, you say.” Yunho scoffed, face contorted into disgust, “The things those two would’ve done to you would have been terrible, Y/N, and you call it bad luck?”
“Okay, fine.” I snapped and walked up to his side, giving him a wide-eyed stare, “Walk me home then, but this is fucking weird. How do you even know my name?”
Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed and his sharp stare made me gulp as I shrunk back, walking a little further away from him, “We go to the same university.”
“I’m not popular.” I deadpanned and Yunho shrugged, looking ahead as his jaw clenched and unclenched.
“You once scribbled in a book from the library and I was at the front desk when the librarian lost it. She rambled on about you for a good fifteen minutes before I was finally allowed to rent the book I wanted.” I cleared my throat in embarrassment, remembering well what the next day looked like when I walked inside the library. I have skipped going there for the next two months from shame as the librarian had screamed at me for ten minutes without even as much as taking a breath.
“Whatever, it’s still weird.” I muttered and nuzzled my nose behind the neckline of my jacket, regretting now that I haven’t worn a scarf. Yunho just chuckled and cast me a side glance as his longs legs carried him around faster than my shorter ones; it almost felt like I was jogging next to him. He must’ve been cold with how few clothing items he was wearing. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander towards him as I took in his appearance again, deciding that this version of Yunho was intimidating and quite…hot. His bright persona was certainly eye catching but this felt different, alluring almost.
“It’s not weird,” Yunho said with a chuckle, lips pulling into an amused smile, “I’m just observant.”
I hummed, but didn’t look at him as I asked my next question while we crossed the road, “What are you doing here, anyway?”
Yunho chuckled again, but it was lower and as we looked at each other briefly, there was a dark glint in his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, mischief written all over his face, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
I rolled my eyes and quickened my pace, just wanting to get home already. I was tired and cold.
“Do you have the evening shift often?” He asked after a minute of silence.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I fired back and Yunho laughed, head tilting back slightly, “Don’t expect me to give you an answer when you evade mine with a question.”
“You didn’t look like you’d be this feisty, angel.” My steps halted as I stared at Yunho incredulously, eyes slightly widening in offense. What did he mean by that?
“I’m tired.” I called out since Yunho hadn’t stopped walking and now I had to jog to catch up with his long strides, “And you’re walking too fast.”
“My apologies.” Yunho suddenly slowed down and looked at me with a big smile, the first time he looked like the Yunho I knew from university, “Sometimes I forget not everyone has long legs like mine.”
“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, “I wonder how’s the weather up there.”
Yunho suddenly laughed, pressing a palm against his lips as it was loud, “I haven’t heard that one in long.”
I just hummed and cast another glance at him, confused of our whole conversation and the situation we were in. To be fair, I was grateful for him, of course I was, but the shock still hadn’t worn off and I was still slightly thrown off by his demeanor and change of personality…and looks. We continued walking in silence, steps hurried as the wind started blowing harder and all I could think about was Yunho being cold and getting sick because of his choice of clothing. However, the quiet didn’t last for long around us as we heard approaching footsteps, it sounded like they were running towards us. Yunho and I looked back at the same time and I failed to notice the way his expression hardened and jaw set. Before I could react, a heavy arm was draped around my shoulders and I was pulled into a sturdy body, warmth wrapping around myself and a masculine scent. I looked up at Yunho flabbergasted before watching the running man again as he came to a stop a few feet away from us.
“Hey, Yunho—” He panted as he leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, “Finally found you, man.”
Yunho said nothing as he watched the guy, strengthening his grip against my shoulder when I tried to move away. My eyebrows furrowed as I struggled for a bit more, until Yunho clicked his tongue and I looked up at him, feeling his gaze on me already. His eyes were sharp and dark and I gulped as I looked away, stilling in his grip when he looked back at the younger looking guy, “What do you want?”
His voice sounded nothing like the friendly person I have been just talking to, it was ice cold and it made me shiver.
“Yeah, uh,” The guy glanced at me reluctantly, “Cheol wants the money. Soon.”
Yunho scoffed and rolled his eyes as I looked at him curiously, wondering where this conversation was going, “I thought I have made myself clear already, Chan.”
“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, alright?” The shorter guy scoffed and stood up straight, his eyes hardening as he looked at Yunho now with a slight glare, “You’ve been avoiding us for months now, Cheol is getting fed up…so is everyone else.”
“And I have a reason for that,” Yunho snapped, anger coating his voice, “which you all know of. If you want my money, do your fucking end of the deal for once.”
“Was the merch not good enough last time?” Chan raised an eyebrow. These two were acting like I wasn’t even there, so I tried to get out of Yunho’s grip again, but instead, he gripped my nape and roughly pushed my head into his chest, making me gasp. I clutched against the collar of his leather jacket and tried to pull away, but Yunho’s strength was immense, so, instead my cheek was mushed against his firm chest, his musky cologne invading my senses and making my head slightly dizzy.
“If it were good, you would’ve seen the money by now.” Yunho’s voice held no emotions and I watched as best as I could from my position as he reached with his right hand behind himself, moving at what looked like lightning speed to me, but with my vision obscured I wasn’t able to see what was in his hand, “Go back to Cheol and tell him to get his fucking act together before I take action.”
“Asshole.” I heard this Chan guy snap and then an unsettling silence followed. I bit my lower lip and wondered what was going on, and it didn’t take long to find out as he spoke up soon again, “Got yourself a shiny new toy?”
“She’s a person, not a toy, Chan. And she’s not mine.” Yunho’s voice was rough and my breath halted for a second as I felt Yunho’s fingers twitch against my skin. I moved my head slightly to look up at him and caught the quick glance he sent down at me. It was dark and emotionless, yet it held a clear warning that I needed to stay quiet. My heart skipped a beat involuntarily.
“You better claim her then, before Cheol gets his hands on her—”
“Get lost, right now.” I have never heard such a threatening tone from anyone before, and my blood froze over at the anger and sneer in Yunho’s voice as he grabbed onto the back of my head tightly, making me freeze as I heard the click of something. Was…was he holding a gun? I gasped quietly as my fingers dug harder into the fabric of Yunho’s jacket and I heard the Chan guy cackle before his footsteps stared fading away. Yunho, however, didn’t move and I was too scared to do so as I realized I had started shaking. Suddenly, my head was being pulled back by Yunho’s hand on my nape and we made eye contact as he looked down at me menacingly.
“Not a word to anyone.” I exhaled shakily and frantically nodded my head as I dared to take a glance at his other hand, which, to my horror, held a black gun. My blood ran cold as Yunho released me at the same time as he put his gun away, behind himself, probably in the belt of his jeans, “Let’s go.”
And the rest of the walk was silent and hurried as I almost ran to finally get home, confused and scared and needing a shit ton of answers to the questions swirling in my head, which Yunho was probably unwilling to give. I valued my life above all, and therefore I remained silent, besides, the anger oozing off of him was enough to shut me up despite my sparkling curiosity. Who the hell was Jeong Yunho?
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            The next day I did everything in me to forget about last night’s endeavors and about Jeong Yunho. I could act like nothing happened, like it was all just a dream. And everything was going well, until…until Yunho and I crossed paths in our university’s hallway. Well, we didn’t actually cross paths, but we saw each other briefly as I was walking with my best friend to class and Yunho was headed towards the stairs, the two of us on the two opposite ends of the long hallway. My friend was talking about the book she was currently reading and I would hum or nod along to her words, letting her know that I was paying attention despite being silent as we walked, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack. I nodded in agreement at her characterization of a character we both enjoyed from the book, when I finally looked ahead and my mind blanked. It certainly did feel like last night was a fever dream as Yunho stood on the other end of the hallway, black hair falling in soft curls against his forehead with his rainbow-colored sweater hanging loosely around his frame, big hands disappearing in the sleeves of it. His jeans were a faded grey and he was laughing as he talked to someone, eyes disappearing and cheeks puffed out. He looked nothing like the guy from last night and it gave me whiplash as his menacing and threatening eyes flashed before my eyes just as Yunho suddenly looked ahead, his eyes finding mine, looking at me with the warmest gaze anyone could muster up. I realized I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it when my brain convinced me that Jeong Yunho from right now and Jeong Yunho from last night weren’t the same person.
“Are you staring at Yunho right now?” My best friend’s voice finally snapped me out of my staring and I looked at her with the same wide eyes.
“I—yeah, but—” I needed to get it together, “That’s not Jeong Yunho.”
“Uh,” My friend looked at me like I had grown another head, “then who is he?”
“I don’t know, but—” I let out a long huff, eyebrows furrowing as I looked back at Yunho, “but that’s not the same guy from last night, I’m telling you.”
I could see the confusion on my friend’s face as she looked towards Yunho, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “He looks like—Yunho. I mean, what are we even talking about right now? Did you hit your head or something?”
“Stop it.” I snapped at her and pushed at her shoulder in frustration, making my friend glare at me, “He must have two personalities or something.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, Y/N.” My friend chastised me and I groaned in frustration. Of course she wouldn’t understand. She wasn’t there. She didn’t see the Yunho I have. Coming to think of it…I don’t think anyone had from around here, seeing as everyone was flocking towards him and acting so freely with him. His laughter carried down the hallway and it was soft, his cheeks slightly rosy as a girl leaned too close to him and he averted his gaze shyly. He was void of all the accessories he had been wearing last night and his clothes were what I was used to seeing him wear on a daily basis. He kept shifting from one foot to another as a guy threw his arm around Yunho’s shoulders as the two giggled about something, Yunho covering his mouth before whispering something to him back with a cheeky smile. The image of him holding a gun suddenly flashed behind my eyes and I jumped, sucking in a sharp breath of air. My friend looked at me like I was crazy and I averted my eyes from Yunho, looking at her like I have seen a ghost.
“There’s something very wrong with that guy, I’m telling you.” I muttered as I grabbed her wrist and pulled her in the opposite direction, scared of facing Yunho after his weird personality shifts.
“You sound super crazy right now, bestie.” I rolled my eyes and huffed as my best friend taunted, cackling when she saw the discontentment on my face.
            And the days passed just like that. Jeong Yunho, wearing every existing bright color, avoiding eye contact when he felt shy and hiding behind his hand when he laughed a little too hard. His cheeks had a flush to them constantly and he would carefully arrange his wavy bangs against his forehead. It was confusing. I was becoming convinced with each passing day that what had happened that night was just a fever dream, and that it was so real that my mind decided to believe it. Perhaps I was lucid dreaming or something, it wouldn’t be the first time. Two weeks had gone by since my strange encounter with Yunho and I have finally come to terms with the fact that maybe what happened wasn’t even real. It couldn’t have been, not when Yunho didn’t even glance my way once. Not when he remained the bright and lovely popular boy and I…continued almost missing my deadlines, which meant I was coped up in the library currently, searching for the book I needed without having much luck in finding it. I was too lazy to ask the librarian as I would need to descend the stairs, so I instead grew more and more frustrated as I stomped around between the bookcases. I was surely disturbing someone, but I didn’t care. Eyes set on the books, one title caught my attention and I stopped, hoping that it was the book I needed. It was at eye level and I pulled it back just enough to be able to see the cover and title of it. I felt like banging my head against the shelf when I realized it wasn’t the book I needed, and with a very loud sigh/groan, I pushed it back harshly, almost screaming when a human head was casually leaning against the bookshelf next to the book I had just examined. My heart beat like crazy as I gaped at Yunho, his warm eyes twinkling with amusement as his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. His baby pink shirt hugged his frame messily as the collar fell a little low, showing off the smooth skin of left shoulder, and his dark green cargo pants were an interesting choice to wear. Yeah, this was the Jeong Yunho I knew. Dressing quirky and looking almost like an oversized puppy as his lips were pushed into a pout. I couldn’t find any words to say so I just scrambled through my brain for something, pushing my hair behind my ears as Yunho continued staring. It was becoming too much, his gaze.
“What?” I managed to say, still at a loss and not knowing how I should approach him.
“Hi.” His lips suddenly pulled up into the brightest smile I had ever seen, and his eyes twinkled with so much warmth that I took a step back. I’m going crazy, aren’t I?
“Hi.” I willed myself to greet him back, taking another step back as Yunho took one towards me, smile still on his face. He didn’t say anything else as he proceeded to come closer and closer, making me chuckle nervously as I continued putting distance between the two of us, not for long though. My back soon ran into the bookshelf and I internally whined as it cut into my back sharply. Yunho came closer, caging me in between the bookshelf and his body, making my heart somersault as I looked up at him confused, but intrigued. He was still smiling, still looking as friendly as ever, still the bright and well-liked guy from our university. Suddenly, his arms raised and were placed on each side of my head, slightly above. Yunho went and leaned down a bit, crooking an eyebrow as my eyes widened and body shrunk against the hard shelf. His musky cologne wrapped around me once again, and the events of that night flashed before my eyes without a warning.
“What are you doing?!” I whispered, sounding panicked as Yunho looked almost confused by my reaction. Almost as if it didn’t make sense that I was reaction to him like this. But I had every reason to, I can’t be crazy.
“I’m looking for a book,” He said with a light tone, expression calm, “this is the medical section. You know I’m studying to become a doctor, right?”
“No.” My answer was instant; I had no idea what his major was. I only heard rumors about how great he is, not about what he does or studies here.
“Oh, now you know.” Yunho said surprised and looked above my head, grinning happily as he reached out. What the hell was happening?
“You’re majoring in architecture, right?” I nodded wordlessly, confused as to how he knew once again something about me. I never told him. Just like with my name.
“So, did the librarian tell you this too about me?” I asked, sounding a little accusatory, as I raised an eyebrow at Yunho. He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at me in amusement.
“Not quite, I figured it out when I saw you leaving class a good while ago.” Right. He saw me leaving class. Sure. My eyes narrowed at him and I licked my lips, about to slip away and go on my merry way as this whole interaction was weird and confusing, but as if Yunho read my mind, he stepped even closer, the front of our boots touching. I looked up at him alarmed, eyes widening as Yunho lowered one arm, holding a book.
“This is so weird,” I muttered to myself, feeling uncomfortable, “Is there something wrong with you?”
My question was quite offensive and I didn’t think it through before I said it out loud, but it didn’t seem to affect Yunho as he started giggling quietly, eyes becoming smaller as his cheeks flushed. How was this the same man from that night? Did he have a twin or something? Why would his name be Yunho too? Was he fucking around with me? Or did he just have multiple personalities?
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, angel.” My body tensed at the nickname and I watched as Yunho composed himself, and yet, the Yunho suddenly caging me against the shelf wasn’t the same Yunho from just a second ago. The friendliness and warmth slipped from his face as his eyes slightly narrowed, darkening as a smirk appeared on his lips instead of the cute smile he directed at everyone. My heart started beating faster as he bit his lower lip, leaning down even more to be eye level with me, making my breath catch in my throat, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Something very wrong.” I managed to whisper as Yunho chuckled darkly, the knuckles of his free hand suddenly grazing against my cheek. I flinched, but didn’t pull away as his eyes ran over my face. The way his wavy hair fell in his eyes made them look sharper. He oozed danger and my mind screamed at me to high tail it out of there, yet my feet remained planted.
“There’s nothing wrong with someone who has a colorful personality, angel,” Yunho’s deep voice rang through my ears as he leaned in to whisper in my left ear, goosebumps erupting on my skin, “Have you told anyone about our encounter from that night?”
I quickly shook my head no and Yunho smirked, pulling back and gripping my chin tightly, yanking me forward and knocking the wind out of my lungs, “Good girl, keep doing that. I’m afraid something might happen to you if you decide to blabber on about it to someone.”
I shuddered as his piercing gaze kept me locked in, a whisper barely passing between my lips, “Like what?”
The sinister look which crossed Yunho’s face felt like a punch to my gut and I suddenly remembered the gun he owned. He’d shoot me. He’d kill me. Of course he would, something told me he wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about it.
“I would have to punish you—” He bit his lower lip as he paused for a second, making me realize I started shaking, “And not in the way I would love to.”
“Fuck.” I muttered, gripping his wrist and lightly pushing against it. His words were meant to be threatening, and they were, I was shaking after all…but his words also did something to me as my stomach twisted and body shivered, eyes subsequentially falling onto his red and plush lips. Yunho’s smirk widened and he leaned so incredibly close that I could feel his breath hitting my lips, his skin seemingly flawless from up close. My fingers closed around his wrist tighter as my back melted into the bookshelf behind me.
“Let’s keep it our little secret for now, angel.” His thumb swept against the skin of my chin, my face flaming at the motion, “And I shall reward you if you’re a good girl.”
“How?” I whispered, looking into Yunho’s dark eyes.
“You shall wait and see.” He winked and before I could think more about his words, he was gone just as quickly as he had come. I was left blinking confused at nothing and struggling to breathe regularly as Yunho’s warm, and big, hand left my skin burning where he had touched. What have I indirectly gotten myself involved into?
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            Things happened the same way like the first time after my strange encounter with Yunho in the library. He didn’t look my way, he didn’t acknowledge me, he didn’t speak to me for at least a good two weeks. It was weird, everything he was doing. I had so many unanswered questions, but I pushed them to the back of my mind and hoped that whatever weird thing going on between Yunho and I would stop for good now. I didn’t want to get tangled up in something which felt so unsure and dangerous. I still haven’t forgotten the gun Yunho owned nor the conversation between him and that Chan guy. Even a dumb person would’ve understood that there was something illegal, at least, going on between the two of them and I didn’t want to get involved. However, the radio silence didn’t last for long as it was another Thursday and I was closing up the small convenience store I was currently working at. I had the evening shift again; the clock was close to hitting midnight and it was snowing heavily outside. I sighed when I realized I would have to walk twenty minutes just to get home. There were no signs of snow half an hour ago, it came out of the blue and I watched as a group of teenagers ran past the convenience store laughing loudly and having a snowball fight. I couldn’t share their joy as I shrugged on my coat, the weather had been nice today, I thought it wouldn’t get cold and thus abandoned my thick winter jacket, which I came to regret now. I switched off the lights and braced myself for the cold as I pushed open the door and instantly shuddered. There was a freezing chill in the air and it clung to my body as I quickly tightened the scarf around my neck, at least I had half a mind to bring one with myself. I struggled for a few seconds with the lock, it's been acting up for a while now but the owner didn’t bother to fix it, until I heard a click and pushed against the door, making sure I have truly locked it. I whirled around to stalk off towards the bus stop, with little hope that the last bus hadn’t went by already. However, I was quickly forced to stop by the sight in front of me. Yunho, painfully underdressed for the current weather, stood leaning against a black massive car. It was an SUV, a very expensive looking one.
“Evening, angel.” My jaw shouldn’t have almost hit the pavement, but I couldn’t help but gape at him. What was he doing here? Why was he here? Was that his car? How? Was he rich? Now that I come to think of it, I have no idea what Yunho does outside of university or the type of family he comes from. The sudden realization of knowing exactly nothing about him besides the persona he paints himself as was startling as a sly grin crossed Yunho’s features. It made my stomach flip.
“What are you doing?” I managed to ask, reluctantly walking closer to him. Yunho pushed his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket, which looked thicker than the one he wore on the night he had to save me from those two creeps. His jeans were ripped and black and a very tight, form fitting, white shirt clung onto his well-defined body. With a black baseball cap over his wavy hair he looked extremely handsome underneath the street light, I had to stop myself from letting my eyes wander all over his body once again.
“Saw how hard it started to snow,” Yunho spoke up casually, smirking when I stopped a few feet away from him, “Figured you might just take the shortcut again, so, I’m here to pick you up.”
“No, you’re not.” My answer rushed through my lips instantly and I looked at him startled, slightly taking a step back as Yunho pushed off his car, “I am perfectly capable of walking home and besides—I might still catch the last bus.”
“It went by while you were still locking up, angel, just accept my offer and stop being so stubborn.” Yunho sounded slightly irritated as he walked closer, head lowered so that I was able to see his eyes from this angle. They were narrowed and I gulped, realizing that he wasn’t playing nice nor would act goofy like at university, this was the weird and intimidating version of Yunho.
“Excuse me if I’m hesitant in accepting your offer, Yunho,” I snapped, slightly fed up with the constant whiplash this guy was giving me, “But I have no actual idea who you are and so far you’ve been acting like a stalker. You know my name, you know my major, you randomly show up when I’m in trouble and then you walk me home despite my complaints. You proceed to act completely different than the guy I’m used to seeing at university and you have strange conversations with weird people who are threatening you and are calling me yours like I’m simply just a piece to be put on display and you—you have a gun! And you’ve threatened someone with it. So, yeah, I don’t exactly want to get in your car for you to—drive me home? Or kill me. Or do something else to me.”
“If I wanted to do something to you or harm you I would’ve already done so, Y/N, I had plenty of chances for that.” My jaw hung open once again at Yunho’s instant reply, heart hammering at his admission. Is this seriously the only thing he’s taken from my rant? Which felt good to finally get off my chest, but it seemed to make no difference as Yunho shook his head lightly and suddenly invaded my personal space, taking me completely off-guard, “Who I am at university and who I am outside of it might seem like two completely different people to you, but it’s me. I’m not always happy, and goofy, and I’m not always in a good mood. I just don’t like showing the real me around people.”
“I am people, so what’s different?” I scoffed, glaring up at him, “We don’t even know each other so I don’t understand why you feel the need to drop your act around me.”
“Would you prefer me acting all fake, then?” Yunho’s tone was harsh and his face read displeasure as I allowed my eyes to soak in his expression. Would I prefer that? It was the Yunho I was accustomed to, but would I like that?
“I don’t know,” I managed to mutter out, averting my eyes when Yunho’s dark gaze became too much, “I guess I’m just used to that version of you and this—feels weird, perhaps scary.”
Yunho suddenly sighed and his shoulders slightly dropped as he looked up at the sky, his smooth skin glinting under the streetlamp, “I’m sorry if I scared you, that wasn’t my intention.”
I chewed on my bottom lip as Yunho looked at me again, our gazes connecting. He was sincere, his eyes were shinning with honesty and an almost innocent like gleam, just like the one I was used to seeing. I hummed wordlessly and looked away, feeling slightly more at ease in his presence. He just sighed quietly and I heard shuffling before I felt the weight of a big hand pressing against the top of my head. I looked up at Yunho wide eyed as he started patting my hair, almost as if he was flicking something out of it. The snowflakes, probably. My cheeks flamed at his action.
“Will you let me drive you home, then?” Yunho asked again, voice softer this time and features relaxed, “I don’t want you walking around late at night and in this weather.”
“Alright,” I gave in, clearing my throat as Yunho suddenly grinned widely, “But you should be worried more about yourself, you’re barely wearing anything.”
It made Yunho chuckle as he headed for the passenger seat’s side and opened the door for me. I muttered a small thank you as I carefully slid inside.
“I’m rarely ever cold.” Yunho said with a cheeky wink before closing the door and jogging around to the driver’s side. I allowed myself a quick check-out of the car, eyes widening when I saw the emblem on the wheel. I was sitting inside a Maserati Levante. Just how did Yunho afford this car? The seats were of black leather and it was definitely heated as I felt my body warm up quickly as the engine has been left on. Yunho grinned as he slid inside and quickly buckled his seatbelt, reminding me to do the same as he put on the blinker, signaling that he would drive off now. The car slowly started rolling, pulling away from the store as I gazed out the window, feeling slightly awkward that I was now enclosed in such a small space with Yunho. I took a quick peek at him and watched him gripping the steering wheel lazily, hair framing his face as tonight it wasn’t as wavy as usually. His eyes were set on the road and he licked his lips before glancing at me, making me quickly look back outside the window, hating the way my cheeks instantly flushed. And as we drove by the bus stop, my eyes widened when I spotted the bus which would’ve taken me home.
“You said the bus went by already!” I exclaimed and turned to look at Yunho slightly offended.
“Oh,” He hummed but by the smugness coating his face I knew he had lied on purpose, “my bad, thought I had seen your bus.”
I scoffed and shook my head, melting into the warm seat as I glared ahead, ignoring the fluttering feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the thought that Yunho only lied because he wanted to drive me home. Perhaps he wasn’t so awful at all times.
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            Despite me feeling like Yunho brushed over my outburst that night, he seemed to change a bit. He started gradually approaching me at university and even hung out with me during our shared lunch breaks. He also started stopping by the convenience store whenever he had free time and I soon came to know that he lived just a few blocks away from it. Which was a surprise because I have been assuming he lived in some fancy rich neighborhood due to the car he was driving. Nobody really seemed to question our suddenly blooming friendship, although I felt like we still had a long way to go, and Yunho also stopped being so mysterious. He still didn’t answer all of my questions and often changed the subject when I asked about that first night, so I stopped asking about it after a while. I figured that I might get him to tell me at some point, and if not, I could always start asking around. People loved to gossip and maybe they would know something about this Chan guy who had called Yunho a few times while we were hanging out, but he always declined his calls. Tonight was supposed to be a chill night, but my best friend decided that she has had enough of staying at home every Friday and thus dragged us to a house party not far from our university. It was a half an hour walk away from my flat, so we opted to walk and just grab a cab on our way back. The house was large and packed with people as we made our way inside and I sighed at the sight of so many familiar faces. Almost everyone from our university was here and I realized I was tricked into coming to a party organized for our university specifically. My best friend just giggled as I have her a glare, already hating the fact that I had to stay here for hours and hours as she was in the mood to party. The only savior I found at the moment was alcohol, so the two of us made our way into the kitchen, both grabbing some beer from the fridge. Apparently, my best friend knew the host of the party and got us invited easily.
“I really needed this.” My best friend said as she threw her head back, downing half of her beer in one go. I raised my eyebrows at her as I sipped on mine casually.
“I can see that.” I chuckled and allowed my eyes to wander around the kitchen, taking in the faces. A few people above our grade were gathered around the sink, laughing about something and pointing at something. I wasn’t further interested, so I averted my eyes and noticed two friends of Yunho’s.  They were standing in the corner and laughing about something as the taller one had his phone out. My staring must’ve been insistent as he looked up and we made eye contact, a smile appearing on his lips. He smiled and waved as he called us over. Due to Yunho and I hanging out more often lately, he was quick to introduce me to his friend group. They were a nice bunch but a bit too energetic and happy for my liking. My best friend, however, was totally into their vibe and would beg me to hang out with them. It was fine, I knew she wanted to make some new friends and these guys were nice and…handsome.
“Hi!” Mingi was quick to greet us happily and I smiled at him, waving at Seonghwa as my best friend went and hugged him. The two seemed to click instantly, it was nice to see.
“Was it you who urged Sooyoung to come to this party?” I asked Mingi accusingly and he laughed as he looked down.
“It was actually her who gave us the idea of coming here tonight.” I hummed and threw a knowing look at my best friend as she didn’t bother focusing on Mingi and I, already wrapped up in a conversation with Seonghwa.
“I see, I should’ve known.” I chuckled and Mingi nodded while putting his phone away. It was a little unusual that these two were here without Yunho, but I didn’t question it. I knew he wasn’t a big fan of parties and besides, he didn’t tell me he would be coming. Therefore I didn’t expect to see him here.
“Did you finish your project?” I asked Mingi, remembering him complain about it two days ago. Mingi’s shoulder slumped and he started pouting as he stole my beer swiftly.
“Almost, I have to design the garden and then I’m done.” Mingi was a landscape architecture major and he was always busy with projects, barely out of the house if it wasn’t for Seonghwa and Yunho dragging him to places. He was quite dedicated to his work and it was admirable. Especially when I could barely find any inspiration to do my assignments. Whenever we shared a few of our classes I was amazed by his knowledge and drive to learn even more.
“That’s good, you’ve got this, Mingi.” I gave him an encouraging smile and he chuckled, looking at me knowingly.
“So, did you start your design?” I fake laughed and took a swing of my beer after taking it back from Mingi.
“You know me, I’ll do it two or three days before the deadline.”
“At this point I’m afraid you’ll fail.” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed and I chuckled, shrugging.
“Don’t worry, I function best under pressure.” I saluted him mockingly and Mingi chuckled, soon our attention on Seonghwa as him and Sooyoung approached us.
“I really want to dance,” Seonghwa said, drunkenly gazing at Mingi, “Are you coming?”
Mingi just sighed but stood up, throwing an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders, “Of course, I’m coming. Someone needs to make sure you don’t trip over your own legs.”
Sooyoung and I chuckled as we followed after the two boys despite me not being too fond of the idea. I didn’t feel like dancing tonight, but I didn’t want to leave Sooyoung alone, and besides, I could see it in Mingi’s eyes that he didn’t want to be alone with the two. Whatever was going on between them, which both were denying, was pretty obvious.
The music was loud in the bigger room compared to the kitchen and I looked around, realizing it must’ve been a sort of library hence the bookcases on both sides of the room were filled with books. My heart broke a bit for the books, I could only hope no one was stupid enough to damage them. Otherwise the room was cleared up and there was a table with a mixing console on it, the DJ standing behind it and playing trendy songs everyone seemed to enjoy. The bas thrummed against my chest and I downed my beer in one go before I pushed through the crowd, making way for myself and my friends. Somewhere in the middle we found a good spot and formed a circle starting to dance.
I couldn’t tell how much time passed before I needed to use the restroom, but just as I went to tell Mingi I would be leaving for a few minutes, he leaned in to tell me that he needed some air. And so, after telling Seonghwa and Sooyoung where we were headed, Mingi and I took off hand in hand towards the exit. We agreed on meeting in the kitchen in around ten minutes before heading back to our friends, and so we parted, going on our way. The bathroom was in the far back of the house and I was thankful as the music didn’t reach here, I could finally hear my thoughts. The air was gradually better too compared to the suffocating heath in the library like room. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long to make it inside the bathroom and I was quick in doing my business, washing my hands thoroughly before splashing some cold water on my face, tapping it against my flaming skin. Perhaps I should join Mingi outside for a second before grabbing another drink. I huffed and smoothed down the top of my hair, baby hairs all over the place, before I unlocked the door and left the quiet bathroom. The hallways had no lights but it was fine as the living room was well lit up and it poured out here too. There was a staircase leading upstairs, but it was barricaded off and I knew not to go upstairs even if I wanted to. Just as I went to walk past the staircase, someone collided into my shoulder, knocking me slightly backwards. I gasped in surprise and looked back, surprised to see a slightly familiar face. The guy was younger, and he quickly apologized before a look of recognition crossed his features. Despite it being almost two months ago, I remembered his name. Chan. The guy Yunho threatened with a gun. I gulped and accepted his apology, about to walk off when he spoke up again.
“Don’t I know you?” He asked with narrowed eyes and I cursed silently, facing him again.
“Uh, barely.” I offered with a small smile and Chan hummed, eyebrows furrowing.
“Weren’t you with Yunho once?” So he remembered too, huh.
“Chan, right?” I raised an eyebrow and suddenly the guy was grinning and extending his hand towards me to shake.
“Knew it,” He said with a chuckle as I reluctantly shook his hand, “I don’t know your name though.”
“It’s Y/N.” I introduced myself and Chan smiled, his grip lingering for a second longer than necessary. It unsettled me as I cleared my throat and very obviously made to leave, but Chan seemed like he wanted to talk a little bit more.
“I had no idea you knew Jeonghan.” My eyebrows raised at the name and I thought for a second until I realized he was the host.
“I don’t, my best friend does though.” I explained and Chan hummed, a small smirk appearing on his lips.
“Now that I come to think of it,” He took a step forward and I willed myself to not move backwards, “Yunho never mentioned you again after that night.”
Oh, well…that didn’t feel nice to know. I thought we were sort of friends by now, but maybe Yunho needed more time. Our relationship dynamic was still weird and most of times I didn’t know where to put us, so maybe Yunho was feeling the same way. Or maybe there was something dangerous about this guy and Yunho just simply avoided talking about me in his presence. Our encounter that night felt almost fresh in my memories and I willed myself to not think about the gun pointed at this younger guy.
“He must have a reason, then.” I found myself answering with a cold smile, ready to excuse myself finally, “My friend is waiting for me—”
“Just because he doesn’t mention you doesn’t mean we don’t know about you, Y/N.” His sinister smile and cold tone sent a chill down my spine and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Chan, “Do you have a tattoo?”
That was a very random question, one that took me off guard as my eyebrows raised, “Uh, no, I—”
“What a pleasant sight, Lee Chan.” A sharp tone cut me off and I turned my head to see Yunho approaching us in all of his tall glory. His glare was sharp and body stiff as he came to a stop next to me, instantly pressing his warm palm against the small of my back. It made me straighten up slightly as I gazed at Yunho’s profile, surprised to see him here.
“Thought you weren’t coming, Yunho.” Chan said with a chuckle, eyes falling between the two of us and the non-existent space between our bodies as Yunho pressed up against me, his musky cologne invading my senses.
“Maybe you should check on your friend, Chan, he might be unable to walk for a week or two.” The dark smirk which crossed Yunho’s lips made me gulp, and I watched as Chan’s expression fell, suddenly it felt like we were back to that chilly night out on the street.
“You son of a bitch,” Chan hissed and marched up to Yunho, who didn’t even as a little as flinched, “What did you do to Hansol?”
“Nothing he won’t survive.” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at Yunho, who seemed to be unbothered by my piercing gaze. Chan hissed under his breath and with one lasting glare quickly stormed off, grabbing for his phone as he raced towards the front door. I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding just as Yunho faced me, and I took in his attire in surprise. His black long-sleeved blouse was tight and was unclasped down to his chest, blank ink peeking through from underneath on his left pectoral. His outfit was completed by black leather pants and his black hair, which fell messily against his forehead. I was snapped out of my staring the second I felt Yunho caging me in against the railing of the staircase, big palm still pressing against the small of my back, eyes very slowly dragging up from his exposed milky chest to his chocolate warm brown eyes, which were narrowed and carried a hint of frustration.
“What did he want?” His voice was low and it brought a flush to my cheeks as I looked up at him, suddenly all too aware of the lack of space between us.
“Nothing much.” I muttered with a shrug, but Yunho didn’t seem to believe me as he lowered his head, eyes boring into mine. His gaze made my skin crawl and my fingers twitched as I placed my hands behind my back, doing everything in me I could to focus on his eyes and not on his cherry red plush lips, which were too close to my face all of a sudden.
“Don’t lie to me.” His right knuckles grazed against the skin of my cheek and I gulped as something coiled in my stomach. Was I this transparent? He could read me so easily.
“He just asked if I have a tattoo or something.” I answered after a beat of silence and Yunho’s eyebrows slightly furrowed as I dared to peek at his chest again, the ink more visible because of his stance. The collar of his shirt fell lower and I could make out a thick line which went in a circle and the tip of a letter, perhaps A?
“And what did you say?” His forefinger was suddenly underneath my chin as he tipped my head back, pulling my eyes away from his chest. I blushed furiously because of the amusement in Yunho’s eyes and the wide smirk on his lips, I was caught staring. His voice was low and breathy and I bit my lower lip for a second, trying to ignore his proximity and scent as his head seemed to be even closer to mine right now.
“No—nothing,” I exhaled and licked my lips, “you got here when I was answering him.”
“Good girl.” My legs shouldn’t have almost given out at his praise, but my mind wasn’t clear anymore. Yunho’s scent and proximity were intoxicating and I sure as hell wasn’t drunk from one beer, but everything about Yunho made me feel like it. I don’t know when it happened, but I couldn’t pull my eyes off Yunho whenever we were hanging out. And when we were at university, I was just like the others, flocking towards his bright and warm aura, desperate for his attention at times. When it was just the two of us, I yearned for his warmth and dangerous eyes, often breathless when his voice dropped to chastise me for something. When we hung out with our circle of close friends, I wanted his undivided attention on myself only. I had come to realize that Jeong Yunho was insanely good-looking and his mysterious aura was nothing but a little spark which made him even more irresistible.   
“Wanna get out of here?” I heard him asking once I was done daydreaming, “I know you don’t like parties.”
I nodded wordlessly and as Yunho slowly, without breaking eye contact, pulled away I almost chased after him, hands balling up into fists in order to prevent myself of doing something I might regret later. There wasn’t a label to our relationship, but friends certainly didn’t want to fuck each other, therefore I needed to keep myself in check and control my desires.
            After letting our friends know that Yunho and I would be leaving we got our jackets and went up to Yunho’s car. It was slightly dirty, which made me wonder where he had been as he had a habit of keeping his car crystal clean, even just a speck of dust made him wash it. The car ride was quicker than I expected as we flew through the quiet city, lights blurring at the speed Yunho was driving. He wasn’t a reckless driver, but it seemed like he was eager to get home. I couldn’t blame him, there was nothing better than the feeling of finally reaching home after a long and tiring day. I could imagine Yunho’s had been the same after he texted me in the morning that he had some business outside of the city and wouldn’t attend his classes, therefore we wouldn’t meet up. It was a surprise that he even made it to the party. It wasn’t the first time Yunho and I hung out in his apartment, but it was the first time I had come here so late and without a real purpose. Usually we huddled together to study, Yunho’s determination finally rubbing off on me to do to my assignments in time or when our friend group wanted to hang out and have a chill night.
After Yunho and I got settled, he went and grabbed a bottle of red wine, saying he needed it after the day he had. I didn’t complain as I watched him from the couch, body turned around and eyes running all over his frame. The clothes he wore did an amazing job at showing off his forms and I couldn’t help it but linger on his shoulders and waist as he had his back to me, grabbing around his counter while he had the wine in front of him. He popped it open without much struggle and then poured some red wine in two glasses, putting the bottle away. I watched as he turned around and leaned his hips against the counter, crossing one arm over his chest as he grabbed a glass and raised it to his lips, closing his eyes. He took a small sniff of the beverage before taking a long sip, letting out a content sigh. The image shouldn’t have made the hairs on my skin stand, yet all I could do was watch and gulp, mind blank until Yunho’s dark eyes snapped open and he smiled. It was mischievous as he spoke up.
“Won’t you get yours?” He pointed at the second glass and I hummed, wondering whether I should mix beer and wine, but it’s been a few hours since I last had beer. Besides, I was feeling fine. It shouldn’t do any damage. So, I pushed off the couch and approached him carefully, feeling fidgety under his sharp gaze. His eyes followed my every step as I stopped next to him and grabbed the glass, copying him. I sniffed it before I took a careful sip of it, the sweet taste exploding in my mouth. I hummed and took a bigger sip, appreciative of its taste. Yunho was smiling as he sipped his, and we remained standing like that as I tried to find anything to look at which wasn’t Yunho. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was getting too much and I felt like I needed to break it, so I spoke up, “You never told me you had a tattoo.”
Yunho eyebrows slightly raised, almost surprised that I knew, until he glanced down at himself and chuckled, “Ah, I forgot this blouse was low cut.”
“It’s not low cut,” I snickered, “You’re just wearing it like that.”
“Are you saying I should button up?” He asked with a playful smirk and I just smiled while shrugging. If he did that perhaps I would stop staring, but I wasn’t about to say that to him.
“So…does it mean anything?” I asked nonchalantly, having now an excuse to look at his exposed chest as Yunho glanced down too. He remained silent as he looked up, eyes searching my face for a few seconds before he lowered his glass on the counter.
“Not one you’re expecting to hear.” He said lowly and I raised an eyebrow as he suddenly stepped closer, looking down at me with a serious expression and darkening eyes, “Do you want to know?”
I gulped and busied myself with the glass I had in my hand as I looked down at it, pursing my lips in thought. I was trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart but Yunho took away my only distraction as he took the glass from my hands and placed it on the counter next to his, now I was forced to look at him.
“I guess.” I muttered, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake of my voice. His scent was once again all around me and it was hard to focus on anything he was saying.
“But if I tell you…” He took a step forward, making me step back and collide into the counter, “and you tell anyone…”
My body tensed as he reached forward and pressed his thumb against my lower lip, eyes focused on my lips, “I will have to kill you, angel.”
I gulped as I shuddered, and Yunho lightly dragged my lower lip down, licking his lips as we looked at each other. His gaze was challenging and dark, lips about to break into a sneer as I was scared but intrigued, “I won’t tell anyone.”
“How can I know for sure?” Was he testing me? His voice dropped to an almost whisper and he cocked his head to the side, eyebrows raised almost mockingly, “You have a vengeful personality, who knows what you’ll blabber on about if I happen to hurt you.”
“Don’t hurt me then.” I snapped and Yunho chuckled, but there was nothing amusing about it.
“Are you reckless or simply dumb?” He was taunting me and I didn’t like it. I grabbed his wrist and glared at him, pulling his hand back and thumb off my lips.
“That’s some nerve coming from someone who was everywhere I went and knows everything about me without actually knowing me.” Yunho’s lips pulled up into an amused grin at the way I snapped at him, nose scrunched in annoyance.
“I’m in a gang,” He stepped impossibly close and placed both hands on the counter on both sides of body, “A very dangerous gang, the tattoo is to signify where I belong to.”
I gulped, slightly thrown off. I was expecting many reasons to answer the enigma around Yunho, but I didn’t exactly envision him being involved into gang activities or the mafia, even. Was he just simply not saying? Wouldn’t be the first time he lied to me.
“Why did Chan ask if I have a tattoo?” My voice was hard and I tried not to shake when I felt Yunho’s large hands gripping my waist. His hold was firm, like he was afraid I would run away.
“Because,” Yunho licked his lips as he lowered his head so I didn’t have to crane my neck up so high, “if you’re mine you have to get the tattoo as well.”
“But I’m not yours.” I quickly said as I tried to process everything and ignore the way Yunho’s grip tightened around my hips and jaw clenched, “And I don’t want to have a tattoo.”
“Then you won’t have one,” Yunho’s tongue peeked out as he liked his lips swiftly, his eyes glued onto my lips, “But you are mine, Y/N.”
Before I could ask him since when, Yunho closed the gap between us and pressed his plush lips against mine. I didn’t mean to flinch, but it was unexpected and rough as his hands on my waist pushed me up onto the counter, easing the height difference a little between us. I kissed back when I felt him about to pull back, probably thrown off by my lack of response, and Yunho was quick to smash his lips against mine with a fever, setting a hasty and messy rhythm as my head was tilted back and arms circled around his shoulders. It was everything I have envisioned and yet nothing like it. His lips were plush and warm yet rough and relentless as he bit at my lower lip, almost as if he was trying to inhale the whole of me. His scent was the only thing I could smell around us and my brain was fogged up as Yunho’s lean body pressed into mine, pushing me flushed against himself by placing his hand on my back. My legs parted wider, making more space for Yunho as one of my hands traveled towards his hair, gripping at the black wavy strands firmly. His warmth was overwhelming and it made me breathless as his large hand wrapped around my neck as if he needed something to hold onto. My lungs were screaming for air and I pulled back once it got too much, lightheaded as I leaned forward, teeth attaching against the soft skin of Yunho’s neck. His chest was falling and rising rapidly, just as breathless as I was feeling, the hand from my neck traveling to my nape as I pressed open mouthed kisses against his skin, lips trailing down to his collarbone. Yunho groaned when I bit lightly at it, teasing and licking, before I was pulled back and forcefully met with lips against my own. It didn’t take long for Yunho to push his tongue against my lips, asking for permission. I opened up without hesitation, letting him take the lead as his wet tongue licked against mine, humming, the vibrations traveling through my whole body as I pulled on the smaller strands of his hair. Yunho tasted like the red wine he just had, sweet and so intoxicating that I couldn’t get enough of him. His tongue explored my mouth as my hips bucked against him and I wasn’t surprised to find him just as affected as I was feeling. I could feel him through his leather pants and the friction was much needed against my throbbing core as I grinded against him once again, catching his lower lip between my teeth as he went to pull back. Yunho’s eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them and his cheeks were lightly flushed as he grabbed my nape firmly, jaw clenching and lips plump from the kissing.
“Bedroom, right now.” His voice was raspy and it sent a chill down my spine as I quickly clung onto him, legs firm around his waist as he walked us to his bedroom, large hands holding me up by my ass and allowing me to grind against him as Yunho groaned and nipped at my lower lip until we were standing in his dark bedroom. He carefully lowered me and onto the ground and I was quick to get rid of my jeans and shirt, helping Yunho in undoing the zipper of his leather pants as he had gotten rid of his blouse. I allowed myself to stare unabashedly at his body, taking in his lean but muscular form as he towered over me, stomach well defined and thighs thick. It was a sight worthy for drooling and I snapped out of it when Yunho started walking me backwards, not expecting me to palm him through his boxers. He sucked in a harsh breath and allowed me to feel him up and massage him before I was pushed down onto the bed by my shoulders. I scooted back before he crawled towards me and leaned down to press kisses against my neck and shoulder, tongue flattening against the flush skin of my collarbones before he sucked hard at a patch of skin, making me groan at the sting. His kisses didn’t stop there as he kissed down between my breasts, biting at the skin before he continued, all the way down to my stomach. I was panting and itching to grip onto his hair, but his face was in front of mine in an instant and he kissed me breathless once again. My nails dug into his back as my hands roamed over it, mapping every flaw of his skin, soaking in his warmth. Before I could register it, his fingers were ghosting over my thigh and slowly itching closer to my panties. I groaned into his mouth as he yanked them down, eyes opened as Yunho pulled back just slightly, hot breath hitting my face as one finger slowly slipped inside my wet hole. I gasped at the feeling and Yunho groaned, lips pressing against my cheek as he pushed himself up by one hand near my head. He slowly started thrusting it in and out, making my eyebrows furrow as he dragged the movement out, not waiting long to add another long finger. I grabbed his arm as my toes curled and hips lifted off the soft cover of the bed, trying to meet his lazy thrusts. They weren’t enough and they made my skin burn as my other hand tangled into his hair.
“Please, Yunho,” I whispered out, moan choked back as his thumb pressed against my clit, stomach coiling at the added sensation, “Faster.”
His teeth bit into the skin of my jaw, not hard enough to leave a bruise as he slightly picked up his pace, fingers curling against my walls and making my back arch off the bed as he rubbed harsher and faster against my clit, fingers thrusting in and out. A knot was forming in my stomach as more sound left my lips, sharp exhales and broken moans as Yunho’s fingers reached the spot which made my back arch off the bed, my own hips picking up its pace as I chased for an orgasm.
“Such a good girl,” Yunho rasped in my ear, making me moan as his finger grazed the spot again, “you were so patient for me.”
“Yunho.” Our eyes connected and I pulled his head closer by the hand I had tangled in his hair, “Please—”
“Not yet.” He bit my lower lip as his hand stilled, making me whine as my walls clenched down against his fingers, every nerve in my body burning. I tried to move my hips despite it, but Yunho’s fingers quickly were pulled out from where I needed him most and I watched helplessly as he sat back, the tent in his boxers obvious. He proceeded to pull my panties all the way down before getting rid of his own boxers, pumping himself as his head fell back. I watched with hungry eyes as his size came as no surprise, matching the massivity of his body. He reached over my head, holding a package as he opened it, putting on the condom before he hovered over my body. For a second he didn’t move and my skin tingled in anticipation as I reached my arms around his shoulders, pulling his hot body against mine, whispering in his ear.
“Yunho, just fuck me already.” I didn’t expect him to moan and before I could blink, his tip was at my entrance, slowly pushing in. My mouth opened as I clenched my eyes shut, surprised at the burn as he stretched me out more and more as he slid inside. He was bigger than anyone I was with before and I needed a moment to adjust to his size as Yunho pressed kisses all over my face, biting my earlobe.
“You can’t tell anyone.” He said lowly, and despite our predicament I heard the threat in his words.
“Which part?” I questioned despite knowing what he was talking about, hand trailing down his smooth back.
“The gang part.” Yunho clarified, as if I needed it, lightly thrusting up. I gasped and gripped his sides, walls clenching around him, making him groan.
“I won’t, I won’t, just—” My voice broke off as he did the same again, smirk on his lips, “Move, please, Yunho.”
“As you wish, angel.” He whispered in my ear before pulling out almost all the way and slamming back inside, making me gasp loudly as I didn’t expect it. Yunho’s smirk stayed glued to his lips as he did it again, ripping a loud whine from between my lips, nails digging into his skin as he set an excruciatingly slow rhythm. It did no good but rile me up and make me reach around for anything to hold onto as my body flamed, walls clenching more around him, desperate for more friction. But Yunho seemed to enjoy the desperate state I was in as he chuckled, and suddenly, I felt his big hands bringing mine together, pushed above my head as he pinned my wrists together and pushed them down harshly into the mattress. He suddenly was moving, getting up onto his knees and sitting back as his right hand slipped under my lower back, guiding me up, lower back hovering in the air. Yunho only paused for a small second, eyes connecting with mine before he moved, sharp and clear, pace nothing like the slow one previously. I moaned loudly as he started rocking his hips harshly, pace relentless and dick reaching deeper than before, making my hands ball up into fists as I couldn’t hold onto anything with Yunho pinning them above my head. It didn’t take long for Yunho to get vocal, cursing under his breath as his eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip, pace picking up the louder my moans got. I couldn’t focus on anything else but the pleasure building up in my lower abdomen and the electricity coursing through my veins, mind wrapped up in the scent of Yunho, the feel of Yunho…Yunho.
“Yunho.” He was the only thing I could think about and at the desperation in my voice he got rougher, pistoning his hips at an unforgiving pace, making me cry out in pleasure as my hips thrusted up, chasing for an orgasm as I tried to meet Yunho’s frantic thrusts. He finally released my wrists and gripped my hips firmly with both hands as he helped me move against him, my head thrown back at the constant ripples of pleasure as my fingers tangled into the sheets above head and twisted hard, moans of Yunho’s name tumbling through my lips. He was panting loudly and whines left his lips as I could feel him throbbing and I knew he was close like I was.
“Fuck, Y/N, you feel so good.” He moaned out as my walls clenched down hard on his length, toes curling and mind completely fogged up with pleasure. The second his cold thumb started rubbing circles against my clit I saw stars and I came with a high-pitched moan of his name, Yunho’s hips stuttering before he guided my hips, riding out my orgasm just as he muttered a quiet fuck before he came too, groan low and guttural, movements never ceasing until it became too much and I whined, gripping his wrist in an attempt to ask him to stop as I haven’t managed to find my voice yet. Yunho groaned as his hips stuttered and slowly stopped, panting hard as he stared down at me. My eyes took him in before they stuck to the tattoo on his left pectoral. It was big. A big circle going around the letter A and cutting into it at the bottom. I shuddered as he slipped out and got off the bed, leaving my limp body on the bed to recover as my fingers tangled in my hair in an attempt to tame the wild strands. Yunho got rid of the used condom before he stood by the bed, towering over me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he leaned down and tucked the covers away, effortlessly picking me up and slipping me underneath them. He got in next to me and pulled the soft covers over our bodies. I sighed in content at the warmth spreading over my naked body and nuzzled my nose into the pillow which smelled so much like Yunho. I felt him shift behind me before the front of his big body was pressed against my back, a hand coming around my body to hold me. I didn’t expect him to grip my neck firmly and push me back even more into himself as he slightly leaned over me. I was able to look at him from the corner of my eyes and I watched the menacing look on his face and the darkness in his chocolate brown eyes as he leaned close enough to be able to whisper.
“You don’t have to get a tattoo,” Despite his expression, his tone was soft, “but you’re mine and everyone else will know about it. I’ll make sure.”
I gulped as Yunho pressed a chaste kiss against my cheek before his long fingers slipped from my neck, making me realize I had been holding my breath. I released it shakily and felt him settle down behind me once again, nose pushing against my shoulder blade as his arm was firmly planted around my middle.
“Alright, let’s say I’m yours for now.” I found myself saying, but didn’t expect the chuckle from Yunho. I didn’t like being called nicknames nor being claimed like I was an object, but they didn’t sound so bad coming from Yunho’s mouth, they held no menace nor ulterior motives.
I didn’t know what this made us, but I knew I had one or two secrets to keep and that Yunho wasn’t letting me go nowhere from his sight.
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⟨Part 2⟩
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