#that stuff won't work anymore. and don't even get me started on how expensive everything is... but yeah | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

myceliacrochet · 8 months ago

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I feel so overwhelmed. I have no income, no stable place to live, and hundreds of people coming to me who need thousands of dollars each to avoid getting incinerated, starved, tortured. I make crochet -- when I can get supplies -- and I'm trying to make stickers, when I can get supplies... I'm not very employable and everything is so expensive and it's all falling on my roommate.

I need to hold a fundraising event

Everyone is either stretched to their limits helping or can't be bothered

I'm doing my best to reblog, follow, and react every single campaign I can that is either vetted or has a clean RIS. I'm telling myself that I'm doing enough by contributing art and promoting these campaigns, but the reality is people need money and I'm giving them condolences and things that may not help much.

I had a bit of success promoting Omar's campaign and foolishly believed I could get those kinds of results again. Tumblr staff is being beyond ruthless, attacking even the critical and dangerous vetting work people are risking their lives for on the ground.

I don't know what to tell people who are coming to me for help in what may be their last moments and I'm like "hey here have a shitty art I made that might make a miniscule difference but probably won't. All the best!" I try to respond through my actions instead of words because like Kurt Vonnegut said there's fucking nothing to say about genocide because no one's meant to say anything they're just meant to get blown up. So then I'm ignoring the people who most need help in the world, coldly turning away. So I say sorry and offer these small useless things as if it means anything and every day I lose more sanity and meaning in my life because doing less than what I can to help people not get genocided takes all the color out of my world. I can't imagine truly relaxing or enjoying anything until there's no genocide happening anymore, and I don't see that happening. I feel hopeless like I did in 2016 but this time there's no back door out.

Every time I start to work on something I feel hopeless like it won't work

I have to get my ass into gear, which means I need to:

- pick up my prescription for strattera, I guess I have that now. That will help me focus

- get back on my antidepressants as soon as Fatima's campaign hits $10,000. That will help me keep moving

- talk to other organizers so we can work together.

I am drowning, I am burning in this hxll created by my own culture. Every day they torture the children and the adults come into my DMs and scream help us please please someone help us.

All I can do is do my best every day. I'll keep moving forward

Doing something is better than doing nothing, gxddammit, which means I'm doing a good job I guess, it's just little comfort as I watch the children get engulfed in flames.

Like, I know I can't end all genocide on my own but there's got to be more effective things that I personally can do.

I guess I'll check out one of those lists of things you can do other than donating money

If anyone has yarn to donate and/or could cover shipping or help me find free yarn in my area, that would be so helpful. Because there's nothing I'd rather do than tune out and crochet most of the time and sell it for myself and others.

Please talk to me about how we can work together to help these precious people!!! I need to do more

@monstermashpotato @sylvianritual @gazavetters @determinate-negation @dlxxv-vetted-donations

@gaza-evacuation-funds @gazagfmboost @fly-sky-high-09 @90-ghost @nabulsi @halalchampagnesocialist @huzni @hussyknee @notallmensheviks @neechees @fuckyeahmarxismleninism @fayruz0-blog @gothhabiba @radicalgraff @marxism-transgenderism @marxist-lesbianism @voyagerprobe @workersolidarity @cheezbot @gayspacemonk @bogleech @slitherbop @butchniqabi

I guess I just need to work on my small business... Idek if I'm even helping by reblogging all this stuff, I'm just spending hours a day spreading stuff around to other people who can't really donate. I just seem to be wasting people's time who are going through genocide, I might even be only adding to their suffering. I don't know if I have the moral fibre to do this work, idk I just seem to cause bad things to happen to myself and everyone around me by dedicating so much time to reblogs instead of just securing an income, paying my bills, and being content to give a "reasonable" portion to genocide relief. I can't do that, I have to give all or most of myself but then I'm just a burden to my roommate and others. Or going all out and doing something really big that could really bring in the money they need

I'm sick but people need me

I guess what I'm seeing here is that I need to switch gears to working on crochet more and that will help me be able to help people and it will also be better for my mental health. I'll work on getting the supplies I need to continue. But idk I'll come back to this later and figure it out.

Thank you for listening I wish I could just let my brain scream to death but like people need me to keep it together so I can actually help but I'm at a loss as to how to help

I'll do it gxddammit I'll fucking get it done I'll crochet for this and it will make a difference and I don't have to suspend happiness until this is over I have to maintain some of that light of happiness within. It's not all on me we are working together

Hey 🩷 So I wanted to let people know that I am safe now. I'm back on my most necessary meds, I've applied for SNAP and general assistance, and I'm feeling stronger after having some more success promoting campaigns.

We are living during multiple holocausts. I take comfort in doing the work. We're making a difference in people's lives.

Thank you for helping me keep my head up. Let's keep going.

#free gaza #free palestine #gaza genocide #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #gaza #gaza solidarity #the gaza strip #mutual aid #children of gaza

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mikachacha · 2 years ago

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𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝. 3

Synopsis: Bada wanted you to stay in Korea with her as she found work there but then your relationship is falling apart rapidly.

Warnings: toxic relationship and behaviours, angst. This'll be pretty heavy so please if you're not into this kind of stuff, you can ignore this update and wait for the regular fluffs and smuts 🫶🫶

(A/N: i hope none of y'all are experiencing this in real life or if you have experienced this, im so sorry that you have gone through such shit relationship but don't give up, yeah? Things will get better eventually.)

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

It hasn't been well for you and Bada ever since that incident while meeting her friends. You still couldn't believe how she can do that to you. You wanted to get away but at the same time you want to mend your relationship with her. You didn't wanna lose her despite everything that has happened. Plus she's showing lots of effort for you to forgive her. She even got an apartment in Seoul so you and her can live there and won't have to pretend to be best friends anymore like you did at her parents' house. It was a big step for you both but then it also meant that whenever a fight would break out between you and her, you had no one to run off to.

"Jesus.. You scared me!" you exclaimed. You were in the kitchen, making some tea since you just couldn't fall asleep. You've been having a hard time falling asleep the past few days as thoughts plague your mind. Bada noticed you weren't in bed next to her so she got up and searched for you, only to find you making tea in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry my love.. Didn't mean to scare you. Was just confused since you weren't there beside me. Having trouble falling asleep?" she asked and you nodded. She wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in for a warm embrace and kissing the top of your head. You melted in her arms. You missed moments like this with her.

"Baby.. I may need to go back to the states soon. I got a job offer there." you told her and she hugged you even tighter, like it's her own way of telling that you shouldn't go back and to just stay with her in Korea.

"Y/N.. Do you really wanna leave me all alone here? I got this apartment for us and then you're gonna go back to the states?" Bada's questions made your heart ache. You didn't wanna leave her despite everything.

"I.. I don't know if I'll be able to find a job here, Bada.. I don't speak Korean that well and I don't want you to shoulder all the expenses for us." you tried to reason with her that led to an hour long discussion about applying as an English teacher there or working from home as long as you don't leave her. You were tired and just wanted to sleep so you agreed. The next morning, Bada helped you search for jobs before she went to her own. She has been hired as a teacher at a dance studio nearby and she's got to work with artists as well. You're happy for her since it has been her dream to be able to work with artists and teach people to dance.

"So baby, we're going somewhere this Friday. The studio is holding a welcome party for me and I want you to be there with me. I want you to meet my workmates and some friends." Bada said as she came home one day. What happened when you last went out with her to meet with someone didn't end up well but you wanted to move past that and you also didn't want to disappoint her so you agreed to go with her. You really don't want to start an argument with her as you're still trying to fix your relationship up.

"Yeah.. Is it a formal event? Do I need to really dress up?" you asked and she placed her head on your shoulder. She played with your hand, drawing patterns and kissing it.

"Maybe a dress would be fine. It's not too formal plus you look amazing either way." Bada says that made your heart flutter and heat to creep up your cheeks. She really knows how to win you over even with just words.

The night of the event came and it was rather chill. You didn't feel that out of place since you've been studying Korean when you had time to spare. You were able to hold conversations and didn't cling to Bada that much. You were having fun, chattering with some of Bada's friends when you saw something that shattered you to pieces. It was Bada and a girl who looked so familiar. It was Redy, one of Bada's exes before she started dating you. She was clinging to Bada like they're still a couple and the sight made you feel physically sick that you had to excuse yourself to the bathroom. You're just crying there, trying to convince yourself that it's probably nothing and that you're just overthinking stuff when the door opened and there stood one of Bada's dancer friends.

"Hey are you okay? What happened? Should I call Bada to come here?" the woman asked and you shook your head, wiping your tears away. You're embarrassed that this stranger saw you in a vulnerable state.

"Y-yeah I'm okay.. Sorry you had to see me like this.. But I'm good, everything's good. No need to call Bada." you assured her and she offered to help you freshen up which really helped you calm down.

"I'm Monika by the way and if you need to talk to someone, you can reach me via Instagram." Monika says and you followed her on instagram to which she reciprocated. You thanked her and gave her a hug just in time that Bada came in the bathroom, looking for you and saw you hugging Monika. The look on her face terrified you and your heart sank knowing that this will be another fight between you and her.

Monika excused herself when she saw Bada and now, you're left alone with your girlfriend who looked really pissed off. She looked at you before grabbing you firmly by the wrist and basically dragged you back to the car. The whole car ride was filled with deafening silence but it was a whole different scenario when you were finally inside your shared apartment.

"So what was that all about? Lusher told me that you excused yourself to go to the bathroom and haven't returned after 20 minutes. What were you doing there? Flirting with Monika?! What the hell is wrong with you, Y/N?! Am I not enough?!" Bada yelled at you and you flinched. She was still holding on to your wrist rather tightly and it's starting to hurt now.

"Let me go, Bada.. You're hurting me.." you told her and she did let you go but she didn't stop yelling at you and accusing you of cheating.

"Hurting you? Have you ever thought about how much you've hurt me when I saw you hugging Monika?! Who knows what else happened there!" Bada was absolutely furious and you're starting to get pissed off as well. She's accusing you of cheating yet you saw her and Redy looking like they're still together while Bada couldn't be bothered to even check on you, spend at least a minute with you in that party.

"You're really going absolutely crazy about me hugging Monika when you were the one having her ex cling to them and couldn't be bothered to check on their girlfriend the whole night! I was crying in that damn bathroom because you were never there for me, you were paying more attention to your damn ex more than me! How was I supposed to react to that, huh?!" you finally snapped back and Bada just stormed off to your shared bedroom and locked you out so you slept on the couch that night.

The days went by and you could really feel you and Bada drifting apart. She wouldn't even look at you, wouldn't speak to you. It was horrible and you felt like everything was your fault. How did it come to this? What went wrong? Where was the Bada you once knew and loved? You were about to message her when a friend messaged you first, asking if you and Bada broke up since all your pictures together are apparently deleted from Bada's socials which was a shock to you. You checked and sobs wracked your body at what you saw. It was true, it seems like Bada has erased you from her life already.

With a heavy heart, you grabbed all your belongings and packed your bags. You left the apartment and booked a hotel. You're just gonna stay there for a bit until you can find a cheap apartment to stay. You were planning on leaving Korea once your contract with the company you're currently working at ends. You deactivated all your socials and only kept in touch with your friends and family from the states. You just wanted to be alone and away from Bada to really think things through. To think if the relationship is still worth it or if you needed to just let go of it.

—————

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

@lil-elliesgf, @efyyylee, @hwm1hyun, @mikaleialt, @bunnywonyo, @badaswifey, @mrs-grim-reaper

#bada lee #swf2 #swf2 x reader #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #lee bada #bada fanfic #bada imagine

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aihoshiino · 1 year ago

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chapter 149 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 6

anybody else here unironically love getting yuribaited or just me

Honestly I kind of don't know what to think about this chapter lol. As it stands I didn't really hate it - in a lot of ways, it feels like a return to the humour and emotional focus of early OnK which is something I've honestly been missing in the manga while revisiting the anime. Mengo's art toys chapter was great and getting some proper Akane focus was nice. On the other hand, transitioning into this style of writing with no cushioning after the last arc is so incredibly jarring and the Akane stuff we get here is… well, we'll put a pin in it for now and address it later.

In general "put a pin in it" feels like the right energy for this chapter. As the second chapter of a new arc it's primarily setup for the stuff we're going to be dealing with for the next however long, I think it's going to be something we can really only chew on when we have a more solid idea of what exactly it's setting up, long or short term.

Anyway…! We start off with an explanation of why Kana seemed to flip so suddenly last chapter which does patch up some of that logic a bit. I think it's a little silly that she didn't actually overhear the conversation and thus clue into the actual goings on with how close she was standing but that's basically romance misunderstandings 101 so…

Her leaping to assumptions and giving up so quick also feels a bit abrupt but tbh Kana has always been deeply insecure and quick to leap to it's so over when it comes to her feelings for Aqua. Not only that but as others have pointed out since last chapter, from Kana's outsider perspective, Aqua was at his happiest and most at peace while dating Akane and has been in a mental health spiral to the point of expressing suicidal ideation since they broke up. Obviously we, the readers, know the extenuating circumstances at place but from Kana's POV it makes perfect sense to conclude that Akane makes him happiest and is uniquely equipped to do so. It just feels clunky in execution.

On the subject of clunky… I won't lie, it really bugs me that the first really significant AKKN interaction we're getting is love triangle shit entirely centered on Aqua. One of my biggest complaints about the series post TB was the way the end of that arc set up a huge status quo change to Akane and Kana's rivalry and then kind of failed to expand on it at all and that continued to be true all the way up to the Movie Arc. I'd hoped that them both working in close proximity as actresses on the same project would give us opportunities to dig into that. We got some lip service in that regard and then swerved hard into suddenly hyperfocusing on Kana's insecurities regarding Ruby while Akane got all of zero meaningful focus during the back half of the Movie Arc even though she was one of the characters with the most potential to bring interesting things to the table.

Honestly, one of my biggest fears with Akane's declaration that she'd stop Aqua's plan was that even though the two of broken up, she would continue to orbit Aqua at the expense of being allowed an arc of her own that focused on her relationships with the wider cast. Like - even if what she says about not being romantically interested in Aqua anymore is true, she is nevertheless entirely revolving around him to a really frustrating degree. It really feels like Akasaka realized Akane would have solved everything going on in the Movie Arc and had to panic and offscreen her as a result lol.

tho akane dismissively talking about the idea of clinging onto a past lover did make me do a very mean chuckle. ouch, better hope ruby didn't overhear that one, girl!

That said, for all my complaints, I didn't hate their little talk. Yes, it contained an absolute mountain of transparent-to-the-point-of-cynical KanaKane shipbait but it was pretty gay so who's to say if it's really good or bad or not. It's also just nice to see Kana and Akane being able to have a talk that isn't entirely hostile even if I really wish it was under different circumstances, or even that we'd just seen the road they took to being able to be so civil with each other. But whatever - we're here now, I'll take what I get.

Circling back around a bit, I am intrigued by the idea of Akane framing herself as having 'moved on' from Aqua when she very clearly hasn't lol. Like I indicated up there, I don't quite think this is the case nor do I think we're supposed to uncritically accept this as being the case - it reads moreso to me that Akane is trying to convince not just Kana but also herself that she's moved on from Aqua so Kana doesn't feel like she's in Akane's way if she tries to shoot her shot. As for why… well, that's something to talk about at the end of the chapter but I do think it's interesting either way. Akane wildly overshooting in her scrabble to convince Kana it's totally just platonic and going for sonzoning Aqua was also about the most insane thing she's said in a while but her utterly panicked and deranged expression as she said it made me bust a gut laughing.

In general, the expression work this chapter was on fire and there was a ton of really funny and really cute moments - Akane's blushy pout after Kana's quasi-confession, the fish-eye lens effect on her when Kana sees her outside her door and especially her and Kana's expressions in the second to last page… jesus i lost it so bad.

I've been gushing about Mengo's panelling and expressions for the last ten or so chapters but she really is amping it up lately. It definitely feels like her art for OnK has been getting really refined during the last few volumes and while this chapter was a little whiplash-y coming off the end of the Movie Arc, I also think it's a really impressive display of Mengo's range, too. Her horror and drama chops were on full display while all that was going on but in a more lowkey chapter like this, she brings a lot of life and charm to even simple things like the little montage of everyone wrapping up their day of the beach - it's three silent, tiny panels at the bottom of the page but she crams a ton of detail and character into each one.

I also am Extremely Shrimpterested in the note this chapter ends on. Something OnK does occasionally is use genre trappings as a smokescreen for what is actually happening on page and Akane's words at the end here seem to indicate this is happening here, too. This entire chapter goes extremely hard on the romcom tropes and dynamics but the way Akane's energy totally changes once she's on her own makes me think this is intentional and a reflection of the way Akane is setting up to use Kana.

Because I do think it's undoubtable that she is setting up to use Kana. Her sudden leap to captain of the SS AquKana is not about wholeheartedly supporting two people she loves (at least not primarily) and more about her continued efforts to save Aqua from himself. Kana just happens to be a convenient pawn in making this happen.

If I'm making this sound very cynical and cold of Akane: it is! But that's why I think it's so interesting. Akane is very like Aqua in a lot of ways and seeing this tendency of his to perform cruelty and manipulation to the greater end of doing the most good (or at least in their eyes) mirrored in her is very juicy and potentially very deadly in the hands of someone as smart and perceptive as Akane.

It's also kind of telling and kind of really sad to see Akane asserting that Aqua wouldn't be able to take revenge if he had a girlfriend at his side when that certainly didn't stop him back when he and Akane were dating. It's subtle but it's consistent with just how little faith Akane seems to have ever had in Aqua's feelings for her. Kana's not the only one struggling with long term insecurities in that regard.

I also can't not address the elephant in the room that is the story setting this up while the resolution to whatever the hell is going on with Ruby is still dangling over everyone's heads. I mentioned this last chapter but it really is getting to be bizarre just how much of a nothingburger that has been turned into, not just in terms of the characters' lack of reaction to it but the way the narrative has just entirely failed to give it any weight or significance whatsoever. I can only assume that one of the other girls making a move to pursue Aqua (if it does end up happening) will kick Ruby into action and we'll get god knows what sort of resolution there but a dark and evil part of me that loves to start shit thinks that the funniest possible resolution would be for it to never come up or be referenced ever again just for the sheer frenzy of confusion and bafflement it would cause. everybody loses!!!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #chapter reviews

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your-queer-dad · 11 months ago

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TW - some parental abuse

Hey dad

I just finished my first year of uni and asides from 2 exams I made it! But now it's summer break and... It's rough. I miss my friends. Visiting them is too expensive, and no job is willing to hire me because I have the capabilities of a teen for the salary of an adult. I'm currently waiting to hear back about my application for a government thing that should help though.

I just... I can't keep pretending to be happy at home. My parents are terrible. Earlier today my mom yelled at me in public over nothing and I literally could see a stranger go 😬 at it. But to move out I need an income.

Everything is relying on the government being willing to give me money and in my area that can take forever and they might be real strict. And even once I get money I still have to wait until there's room in the place I want to go to. It's student housing combined with assisted living, I'd love to go there. They say they can't help you become more independent, hopefully that means I won't have to go back to my parents anymore.

I just need to get out of here. It feels like I can't go on much longer, but I can't just escape. My parents don't realize what they do to me, how I feel about them. They're supportive on some stuff, they got me therapy in the past and they're helping with my transition (I started hormones almost two weeks ago!), but at the same time they're so horrible and it's unbearable. But I can't just leave without a word because I rely on them (for example they fully handle my insurance) and I don't even know where to start to fix that.

My mental health was improving lately but now that I'm stuck at home I feel pretty terrible again. I'm still continuing improving my life though. I've started taking a bit more care of myself, doing stuff like changing my bedsheets or doing my laundry more regularly, and I've been taking all my meds every day for 2 months now. It's just hard sometimes to feel good about it when I feel pressured to do more and do better.

It's gonna get better, right? I'll be okay eventually, I just gotta keep going. Surely it'll all work out?

Lex

Hey kiddo, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with all that and that's your situation right now. That sounds really hard and stressful to deal with. You're completely right, if you hold on and keep going it will all work out- you just have to stick around to see it work.

- dad x

#lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer positivity #trans #transgender #ask a finch!

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disabilityaidpositivity · 2 months ago

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Hi. Sorry to bother you with this, I just couldn't find an "official" chronic pain advice sort of blog, and you were the closest I could find.

Recently, as in the past two years or so (that's when I've been noticing it), I've been having knee pain. I've been going to the chiropractor (not as much recently, since she hasn't been doing anything at all to help what really NEEDS help), and she said it's an issue with my IT band. Technically unsaid, but true: it's ITBS.

Now, I KNOW where that pain is, where it comes from, what it does, how to help it. But the IT issues have only been in the past year or so. I've been having general pain for longer.

I feel like it might be arthritis, or something similar, but there's no good way for me to go about getting it officially diagnosed. I never got diagnosed for asthma (even though they gave me a prescription inhaler, and refills), because the doctor "didn't want it on my record (in case I want to join the army)," even though it could help if I'm ever in an emergency.

I'm young, to have issues like this. Everyone says that. "You're 14, your knees shouldn't make that sound," "Your back shouldn't hurt so much," "You shouldn't be so tired all the time." But I am, and no one really acknowledges it in a helpful way.

My mom wants me to do yoga with her, but it hurts every time. Not in the "you're just not used to it" way. She wants me to start doing swim team again, but I can't breathe properly when I do. We got me knee braces, but they're too tight and also from Costco of all places? So I don't use them, since they just make it worse.

Every time I mention it to either of my parents, it's an "oh, you should do X" situation, or (my dad specifically) makes a joke about it.

I want to see a doctor. I want a cane, specifically. I tried one as a joke a few months back as a joke (my friend had one in his garage), and it was great. I want to talk to my parents about it, but it always makes me so uncomfortable because they never take it seriously/focus on the wrong things and talk over me. Always talking over me.

And I feel comfortable talking about it with other people, too! I tell them I have scoliosis if they ask, I tell them why my knees are hurting, or why I'm out of breath. And they always listen, and they always hear what I'm saying and not just what they think would fix it.

My parents always say "oh, I feel like that too, it's fine." I'm sorry, but you're 50! That's natural, THAT'S what's fine. I'm in middle school, I should be able to stand for more than five minutes without pain, I should be able to sit on the floor without pain, I should be able to sit crisscross applesauce without having to worry about the muscles in my knees getting displaced!!

I just feel really anxious about bringing this up to them because I think a cane could really help, but there's just been so much going on recently, in both the financial and emotional departments, I just don't think it's the right time for me to say anything (diagnoses are expensive, I think? The process is, at least, and I definitely won't be getting a cane without one). I don't know when that time will be, but I need it to be soon.

If I tell them everything, they're going to get upset about me not saying anything sooner (did the buying a new house and having the car in the shop for months and drama with my brother not seem like enough to worry about to you?).

I'm especially worried that they'll make me "take a break" from activities and stuff (I'm homeschooled, and I like to work backstage at a community theater. I do it a lot, and it's not super physically demanding), because that's more than half of my social life. I love doing it, I don't want to get "help" from some doctor who won't even look me in the eye if it means I can't do anything anymore.

Anyways. Sorry to come onto your blog with all that. I wasn't sure where else to say this, since no one sees my posts asking for advice or venting or anything like that, and I don't have anyone close enough that I can REALLY talk about it to them, besides my family (and if they're not my parents, they will tell my parents, whether I want them to or not). Have a great day/night :]

Hi, this blog isn't properly official in any real way and I'm not a medical professional so please keep in mind that this is not medical advice or expert advice of any other kind. I'm a 30-something person who has been living with chronic illnesses for 6+ years so I have some life experience and some knowledge but that's all. I'll try to give you a few pointers where I can, though, and you're welcome to send an ask to my main - @fibromyalgicaf - if you wanna follow up on any of this (or DM me if you need someone to talk to).

First and most importantly, you're definitely right that you shouldn't be experiencing this in your teens and you do need to get it checked out if you can. You will need to start with your family doctor/PCP/GP (and they will then refer you on to specialists if needed). If you can't start there for whatever reason, do you have access to a nurse, guidance counselor, or mentor? Your chiropractor may be able to help you get in to see a doctor as well, but I don't know how often they would actually do that.

I get the impression that your parents will be helpful if you can talk to them. I think they're trying to reassure you when they say that they also feel the things you're experiencing and they haven't realized how worried you are? Maybe they're also secretly worried and they're doing that thing where they tell themselves that if everyone pretend it's fine, it will be fine. Maybe they just haven't really stopped to properly consider all the facts together. Your dad might make jokes because he doesn't know what else to say (not that it's ok, but that's quite a dad thing to do).

It is hard for me to tell after reading what is quite a small snapshot of your life, though, so I could be wrong. If I am wrong and you're sure they're going to be completely unsupportive or if you know it's unsafe to try having a conversation, then you may need to figure out how to go about all of this without their involvement (and there is advice online for how to do this). But it's going to be better and easier to have your parents involved if that can happen safely. And if you're in the USA, I think you will need them to pay or give their insurance (I'm not in the USA or American).

I know it's not always easy to talk to parents but for the most part, parents want to help their kids and would be devastated to know their child didn't talk to them about something this concerning. If you're in a safe environment, you should involve them. Maybe you could write them a letter if talking is hard? Or even write bullet points for yourself and refer back to your list if you get nervous while talking to them.

Whether you go to your parents or another adult, the main things you need to tell them are:

what your symptoms are (just describe what you feel, not what you think the diagnosis is),

how frequently you're experiencing these,

how this makes you feel (like, your emotions),

and how it's impacting your life (like, do you struggle to join in on games with your friends?)

Your parents (and many other adults) will be biased against the idea of a teenager being chronically ill and/or disabled because we don't see much of that happening in our modern societies. However, what you're describing seems very unusual for someone of your age so I hope that once you lay it all out in front of them (emphasizing the impact it's having on your life), they'll realize this does need investigating. And if your parents won't, there are other adults who will take this seriously.

Other more general advice...

If you haven't already, start a symptom/pain journal; write down the pain and anything else going on every day for a couple weeks. Having things written down will help show the seriousness of it all. (Doesn't need to be on paper; a digital note or using an app is also fine.)

Do some reading when you're in the right head-space for it. Find some books, do a google search, or find the chronic illness #s on here. Read about the diagnoses you think apply and those that overlap. Read about chronic pain and chronic illness in general. Read about mobility aids. The more info you have, the easier it will be to talk about it and advocate for yourself, and the easier it will be to deal with the symptoms.

Find a couple communities on here, or subreddits, or a Facebook group or something where you can be around people who are dealing with the same stuff as you.

Make sure you do self-care, even if it's just something small every day. It's easy to get wrapped up in being sick and trying to juggle life and forget to look after yourself.

Keep reaching out and ask for help when you need it. We're here to help each other ✌️

#ask #asks answered #disability rights

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imjustsoscaredallthetime · 1 year ago

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Going to be keeping it absolutely real on here as I always do when things get bad. I'm starting to think that it might not get better after all I can't lie. I'm just so sad and angry and mad and lonely all the time. I moved away from home two years ago and I can't hold on to any stable relationships and I'm basically all alone here and I feel like such an idiot for complaining about it because it's nobody's fault that I don't go anywhere and I am bad at talking to people or holding on to relationships. it's completely my fault and I know it's up to me to change it but I've never been good at making friends and that hasn't changed just because I'm not 16 or 11 or 5 years old anymore and I'm still not quite sure how to go about it.

It's been 2 years and Canada doesn't feel like a foreign place anymore .I know my way around and I know how to get stuff done and it has already set in that this is my life now and I guess this just means that my life now is just me by myself with everyone I know and love 1800 miles away.

And even then half the time it still feels like I don't have anyone because my sister hardly answers her phone and my other sister and I have literally only known each other for a month and I don't even know her middle name yet and my mom has got a new job and doesn't have time to call me like she used to and so I don't even feel like I have my mommy anymore and my best friend is already dealing with so much and I wish I could turn back time and bring her loved one back to life but I cant and I feel so empty thinking about how she must feel and I'm not comfortable with anybody else so other than those people.

I'm a year away from graduating with a degree in a field that I hate and I can't find any internships or working experience because everything is so experience based and I am so bad at all this stuff and my grades are so mediocre and I don't have anything that makes me stand out and at this point I'm worried that I won't even be good enough for grad school. When I find a part of this wretched degree that I actually like I cannot seem to do well in it despite the fact that I actually care enough to study and do work in it and it's just so demotivating. And even if I do somehow manage to get a job I'm never going to be able to afford a house and I want to have a house so bad I don't like renting I want to have a backyard and I want my own kitchen and I want to decorate my house the way I feel like when I feel like it but everything is so expensive and I hate my shitty customer service job because I hate talking to people and I don't want to stand for 6 hours and fake smile and listen to the same songs play over and over again for 6 hours anymore but I can't leave my job because no one else is hiring me.

And I have to keep pretending like everything is okay when every time I turn on my phone and go out to social media I see something else indicating that we are witnessing the decline of man as we know it and there's kids dying in so many places all over the world and people getting their homes destroyed and no matter how much I try and raise awareness and no matter how much money I give and how much I talk about it there's really nothing changing and I go outside and somebody asks me for spare change to buy a coffee so they don't freeze in the below zero weather and I wish I could put them in a house but I don't even have a house of my own. And I used to be able to look around and find even the beauty in the smallest things and to not think the worst of people and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt for the most part but now I can't help but wonder if this person thinks genocide and exploitation and mindless killing and destruction is a good thing. And I hardly see anybody talking about Sudan or Congo or Senegal or Haiti or Madagascar and it feels like african people are just always doomed to be pushed to the back burner even by black people in the diaspora and I try to be positive because if the people in those countries haven't given up hope why should I but sometimes I just get so sad.

And despite going to therapy and going on meds I still look in the mirror and hate myself and I remember that my problems are so paltry and poor compared to what's going on in the rest of the world and that I feel worse because it doesn't make me hate how I look or who I am less and the world just won't stop turning and we never get a break we just have to keep going until we die no matter how bad things get and it's not fair and I'm so tired I just need it all to stop for a second. Looking at my life feels like reading the bell jar knowing that sylvia plath wrote a book about a depressed woman and ended up killing herself. I feel doomed

#shut up kayla #diary entry

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theonevoice · 1 year ago

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Hey! I saw your reblog of the tumblr ask culture so here I am :) your art is amazing. I love it. I particularly appreciate the fastidious (in the good sense of the word) way you research tiny details to add to your good omens fanart (like the clock from the Mir space station you put in that fanart of Crowley with the Hozier song). Since you do a lot of digital art and you mentioned you're an "amateur" fanartist: which is more comfortable for you, screenless drawing tablets or the ones with screens? And which one would you recommend as a "starter kit"? I'm trying to get more consistent with my drawing and I sketch a lot on paper, but find that having the color palette that a digital tool offers would probably motivate me slightly more, still I can't decide which would be best, at a beginner's level.

Hey!!! Yes, hello!

Thank you so much, I love reaserching those details, they are one of my favourite parts of the process: it makes me feel for a brief moment like I'm part of the amazing GO set/costume designers crew, sorting through all possible inspirations until I find the perfect one!

As for drawing tablets: I tried both, I had a screenless Wacom Bamboo (it was a million years ago, they don't even sell it anymore), then for almost ten years I didn't draw at all, and now I am using a Huion Kamvas 13, and I guess it's a different experience for every artist, but as far as I can tell, they are two totally different things. It's not like you start with a screenless tablet as a beginner and then "upgrade" to one with a screen as you get better: it's more a matter of what kind of art you are trying to do, and how your eye-brain-hand connection is wired. I struggled so much with the Bamboo that I ended up not using it, so even if it was cheaper (probably like 90 euros in 2005 or 2006), I wasted money on it. While the Kamvas was more expensive but it was such a gamechanger that the amount I paid (I think around 300 euros in 2018) almost feels like a steal now, compared to the enjoyment of using it and the improvement that is allowing me to make.

For me, personally, the possibility to sketch directly in colors was *the* big turning point: I struggle with lineart, my brain doesn't "see" an image until it has values and colors, so that changed everything for me.

(Fun/weird fact: when I got the Kamvas I didn't think I would ever use it for drawing, I bought it because at the time I was doing a lot of editorial proofreading and where I live proofreading is done with a very specific set of symbols and signs that you cannot "type", so you either print everything and do the thing by hand or you get a tablet of some sort that allows you to draw them directly on the pdf - and the rest is history)

I may be biased, but I think one of the Huion Kamvas series (there are several sizes) could be a great tool: they cost a fraction of what Wacom equivalents would cost you, they work great, and they also give you a lot of stuff (mine came with its own stand, a stand for the stylus with a dozen extra tips, and a glove - all things that other brands would sell you separately).

But regardless of the brand, the best advice I can give you is this: don't look for a "starter" tool, look for the tool that makes you want to use it. If you enjoy using it, you will spend more time drawing, and that inevitably will make you improve. Go to a store that allows you to test them, if you have the opportunity, or look for comparative reviews on YouTube (that's whay I did): it will help you find the thing that makes you think "oh, that one looks like a lot of fun". If you buy a tool that "sounds" entry-level just because you feel like you should get an entry-level tool you may end up with a thing that is frustrating and annoying to use, and that won't help you at all.

How on earth did I write so much?!? I hope there is something useful in there! Bye!!

#digital art #a wahoo for amateur/beginner artists

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thessalian · 6 months ago

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Thess vs The Least Restful Non-Working Day

So that was my day. My day was stupid.

Spent a couple of hours trying to coax a little bit of typing out of the mess of the "central network problem", whatever the hell that was. Managed three, just because the connection kept dying. Eventually logged out and, rather guiltily, went off and ran my errands - mallet meds, mostly. Aat least I didn't quite feel the need for the BIG painkillers.

(Side-note: the mallet meds are co-codamol. The BIG painkillers, for me, are Paramol, which is technically co-dydramol. The BIG painkillers work better in general, but are also way more expensive. So there are a lot of reasons that I'm generally happier when I don't need the BIG painkillers. Not needing the mallet-meds? Well, that's not an option, but at least I only use those at night. My GP is reluctant to actually write me a prescription for this stuff as long as I can manage on the OTC dose, which is fine. Still really wish there was an option to get medicinal marijuana on the NHS, though. I mean, it's legal, but it's one of those things that the NHS almost never offers to patients. I could go private for it, but it's complicated and expensive. I'll probably do it one day, though - it'd be way better than a codeine-paracetamol combo.)

Anyway, came back, switched on the machine ... couldn't log into the remote desktop at all anymore. Emailed the colleague I asked about this situation in the first place, asking if there was an update; got told "it went from bad to worse". By then it was a half-hour to my regular end time, so I just thought, "Fuck this". Let them know I was going to log off for the day and see how things look tomorrow, since I didn't see them fixing things before my regular close of play and sitting there attempting to log in over and over and over and over and over again was driving me batshit.

Four reasons I said I'd see what it looked like tomorrow:

I still had some items in my personal queue before the whole thing shut down. At minimum I have to move those back to the main queue, because we're not supposed to leave things in our personal queues. Just because if we do, no one knows they need to be typed and if we're away for awhile, no one can access them and they get to be late. I just didn't have the option to move them back before everything went tits-up.

The typing queue was already a mess because at least some dictation got done before this mess started.

The typing queue might be even worse, because I have no idea if the doctors' computers were working or if they had a workaround, so they could theoretically have spent all day dictating, and at 300-odd reports a day on top of the 360 or so that were already there? Erm. Yeah.

If they couldn't get any dictation done - or hell, even if they did - odds are good that folks are coming in to do more work tomorrow. As a "getting ahead of things before the holidays" situation.

I'm still not giving up my Sunday or Monday. I'm still not giving up my two days of annual leave just before Christmas. However, I refuse to come in on Tuesday to the kind of mess that I know for a fact will await me no matter what. Best case scenario? There's still 360 bits of typing in the queue. Worst case scenario? We're pushing the 900 mark by Monday. That cannot happen. We are not coming back from that without me spending the holiday period on overtime.

I tried so hard to keep Saturday free. I really did. And we'll see. Maybe if it's a best-case scenario, I'll only have to do a couple of hours. But odds are pretty good that I'll come in to 600 bits of typing and have to spend the entire six and a half hours I would have spent working today making some dent in it.

I wonder if Goblin will do the same.

(I bet she won't.)

Anyway, I wouldn't mind so much if I'd actually had a real break today. But I don't call "attempting to log in all day long with little to no success" particularly restful, even if the attempts were made while I was reading, or playing games on my phone. Still, I'd feel bad if I just didn't try at all for most of the day. If I'm going to work overtime on Saturday, it's going to be overtime, not "makeup work because the main server's got the integrity of a soggy biscuit". Even if no one's watching, I want to feel like I tried. I also wanted to know right off the bat when things were working again, because I was pretty sure that no one was going to email me with updates.

In more cheerful news, my mother went to North America awhile ago and picked me up more Sour Patch Kids. (Yes, I know they have them here in the UK, but again - the texture of both the gummy and the sour-sugar they're dusted in are wrong, and strawberry and blackcurrant do not replace cherry and raspberry for me.) This was just before the mess of overtime started, and we didn't get around to setting up a drop-off, but my stepfather dropped them by to me when he was finished with today's work on the other flat. So I may not have Saturday Shenanigans D&D, but I have proper Sour Patch Kids to have when my Sunday D&D session rolls around.

Gods, please, let this get better in the new year. This entire month so far has been a mess.

#Thess has a day job

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atypicalstrong · 1 year ago

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vent incoming

So two of my friends moved to South Korea and weren't able to take their cats with them immediately, so I agreed to foster them for 6 months until their first vacation so they could come collect them.

Little did I know that 3 years later I would still have these cats, because it turns out that importing pets more than 6 months after you immigrate is incredibly difficult, and the owners didn't do any proper research beforehand, and also didn't save any money to get it done. And STILL aren't saving money to get it done, and are instead begging all their associates for money (by taking commissions they aren't actually doing - a mutual friend has literally 30 works they still haven't received) every step of the way when we have to get health tests and certificates and lab reports done.

And it turns out everything we've done so far has been for nothing because its all been in my name, and they're gonna have to redo all the expensive and time consuming tests in their name. Which means finding a vet that will do all this legal paperwork in someone else's name who isn't in the country to verify anything at all and is just taking my word for it. Which is uhhhhhhh an issue to say the least.

I found all this out today first thing in the morning when my friend was like "the pet relocation company says none of this will work so can you and your vet fix it?" And when I was like "I'll ask but I'm pretty sure we have to start over bc anything else would legally be fraud since technically I own your cats right now" (because its been 3 fucking years) they had the fucking GALL to break down crying and say it hurts so much to hear their pets aren't legally theirs, and I have to make my vet fix it because they've been doing a "trash job" (they haven't, they've actually been very helpful and the only fuck up that happened before this was a lab's fault, not my vet's), and they can't afford to do it all again, and that they "need me to be in their corner right now".

And then they just shut down when I tried to offer any solutions that DON'T involve legal fraud. Like coming back and doing it themselves instead of using a company, which is "just not possible" (no reason given when asked why not, literally just silence), or doing it as a "sale" so it makes sense that its all in my name ("that won't work because the regulations are probably different").

Like, I'm sorry you waited until the last minute to check if we were doing everything correctly! But that's not my fault, or my responsibility! I never wanted it to take this long, and I certainly don't want to keep your fucking cats! They keep destroying all my stuff, which you've offered to replace but noticeably haven't! Even if I wanted to, I CAN'T keep your fucking cats because I'm moving next year!

Nevermind I've got a bunch of my own shit going on that y'all don't seem to care about at all, like fighting for disability benefits, and being sued for medical debt (my court date is LITERALLY tomorrow and they haven't asked about it once since I told them last month), and affording rent and food! They're over in South Korea spending all their money on take out and "retail therapy" (and to be fair some genuine unforseen costs, but that just makes the other stuff more infuriating) not saving anything for the cats, while I'm over here going to food banks and hygiene pantries just to stay afloat!

I don't even want to be friends with them anymore at this point! And that really hurts, because there was a time when they were the best friends I'd ever had. But now? After all this? How can they expect me to trust or rely on them, for anything? After everything I've done for them THIS is the thanks I get?

I don't even know what else to say. If they don't SINCERELY apologize for this, and also accept they fucked up by not doing the research or saving any money, and ALSO come to terms with the fact that we have to start over, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stop being friends with them and rehome the cats, I guess. I don't WANT to do that but I don't think I'll have any other choice.

I've put up with so much and for what. For fucking what. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...

#atypical rambling

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diedbutterflies69 · 4 years ago

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Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

#skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #bangchan smut #skz chan smut #bang chan imagines #chan fluff #bangchan #skz chan x reader

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lovelybkg · 4 years ago

Text

protective | t.s.

pairing : todoroki shoto x gn!reader

request by @pocky-writes : how about a soft yandere todoroki who likes to spoil his sweetheart, and at first they don't like it until he scolds them and tells them that if they don't accept the spoils, he won't give them anything else. smuggle in some praise from him at the end too?? <33

note : wanted to write protective shoto, and i thought the request kinda fit so i decided to add it ! sorry if it isn’t the main story D:

warnings : very protective behavior, reader is kinda childish and sensitive, slight manipulation

you woke up to an empty bed, devoid of the usual gucci and other designer brands packages shoto left for you. you let out a sigh of relief, thinking he finally listened to you and stopped sending you so much expensive stuff. surely, you didn’t need all those gowns and designer bags. hell, you don’t even go out! were you supposed to wear those fancy clothes in your small apartment? upon telling him about this, he offered to let you move in with him in his penthouse. as if.

you love him, you really do. but he just has to listen to you sometimes! you don’t want him wasting so much money on you! he’s already paying for your college tuitions, that’s already too much. whenever you tried to tell him to stop, he just shuts you up with a chuckle and a kiss on your forehead, telling you not to worry about it.

opening your phone, the 27 unread messages from him didn’t even phase you. he did have the tendency to send you a lot of text, most of them to check up on you. you knew how much it bothered him not being able to meet you often because of hero work, that’s why you were so understanding of his protectiveness and clinginess. he’s just worried, after all. you sent him a good morning text, proceeding to answer all of his questions as to avoid making him worry. he does get fussy when you don’t reply to his texts quickly.

then you remember the plan you made with your friends to go out later that afternoon. you knew there was no way shoto would let you go, he doesn’t really allow you to go out much anymore. you understand though, he just wants to keep you safe! but maybe he’ll let you this time? before you can carefully plan how you’ll ask for permission, your phone flashes with an incoming phone call from him.

his deep voice greets you as soon as you answer the call, “good morning, my love”

“good morning, sho! are you at the agency?” he couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic way you greeted him. you were just so cute! he feels all his stress melting away by just hearing your voice.

the conversation went on for about an hour. he tells you about how stressful his morning was, with the new interns messing up during patrol and how dynamight couldn’t control his temper in front of the media again, which ended with him having to take care of everything with the agency’s pr department. you wanted to know more about his day, but he quickly changed the subject, instead asking you about how your sleep was. were the new pillows he bought you comfortable? how about the cotton silk pajamas? did you wear them? upon answering yes, he asked you for a picture. you quickly sent him one, fixing your hair before doing so.

“you look adorable, baby. do you like them? i’ll buy you more once i have the time” before you could protest, he changed the subject again as if he knew you were going to refuse.

“what are your plans for today? i don’t think i can visit you today, it’s quite busy here at the agency. maybe you could read the new books i bought you, or just rest and take naps for the whole day. also, don’t forget to take care of yourself. i left my credit card there so you can order food, okay?” suddenly being reminded of your plans by his question, you braced yourself for what you were going to say next.

softly calling out his name, he hums as if asking you to go on. what were you so nervous about? he knows you get quiet when you want to ask him for something, he just wishes you would stop being so shy. after all, he would give you anything your little heart desired.

“can i go out with my friends tonight? please? i promise i’ll be home by ten!” you practically squeaked out with how nervous you were. it’s as if you could hear your heart beating out of your chest with the silence that followed your question. why isn’t he talking? is he upset at you?

“no” his voice was cold now, quickly replacing the doting tone he was speaking to you in earlier.

“w- why? it’s safe! there’ll be six of us so there’s no way i’ll get hurt! please, sho, just this once? i haven’t seen my friends in so long” your voice started to crack, a sign you were close to crying.

“i said no, baby. so stop arguing, alright?” you started crying now, all he could hear from the phone was your soft sniffles before you hang up on him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you woke up with a headache and a strong arm wrapped around your waist. as you begin to panic, you realize it’s just shoto next to you due to the scent of mint and expensive cologne that practically engulfed your room.

remembering what happened a few hours ago, you felt tears well up in your eyes again. you didn’t even notice you fell asleep. you hugged him tightly and buried your face in his chest, startling him.

“im sorry sho!” you blurted out. you snuggled further into his chest, refusing to look at him. you didn’t wanna see his face! he’s so scary when he’s angry!

quickly recovering from his shock, he started rubbing your back softly as he reassured you that he wasn’t upset at all. he readjusted your position, forcing you to look up “im not mad at you baby, but i am glad you know what you did was wrong. i just want to protect you, you understand right?”

you nodded your head yes as you tell him you love him too. of course you did, shoto took good care of you. he does everything for you, the least you could do is listen to what he says! after all, he knows what’s best for you.

he gives you a kiss on your forehead before smiling softly at you, “you were crying, weren’t you? i’m sorry baby, but i’ll make it up to you. we’ll go shopping later, alright? i’ll buy you whatever you want”

you whined out a no, puffing out your cheeks like a child. he seriously needs to stop spending money on you, you didn’t deserve it!

as if reading your thoughts, he rushed to reassure you “why not? baby, let me spoil you. you deserve it,” you know you don’t deserve it. you’re already so lucky, being able to date him, knowing millions of other people wish they were in your place. what can you even give him in return?

“shouuuu” you whined, “you already give me so much! and i can’t even give you anything in return. i dont deserve you” you pouted, showing your clear displeasure of his insistence on spoiling you.

he let out a light chuckle, face laced with amusement from what you said. his naive baby, why can’t you understand that he wants to do this? he loves you, you’re his sweetheart, and he’s going to take care of you. he’ll give you the entire world if he could, it’s what you deserve.

“i don’t expect anything in return, my love. and i’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. you’re the sweetest baby anyone could ask for, i’m very lucky to be able to call you mine”

the writing is kinda choppy, especially the conversations dhshs im sorry! D:

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haljathefangirlcat · 2 years ago

Note

i know nothing about 1899 except that aneurin barnard was there, but i've heard of the cancellation and i'm sorry for you <3 this extremely capitalistic culture of any tv show getting cancelled after just one season if they don't get the same ratings of a MCU production is insane

Aw, thank you for your message. <3

And yeah, I totally agree. Especially in this case. See, the thing that makes me so *froths at the mouth* about this is how arbitrary and dumb it all sounds.

Like. 1899 was being written by Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese, the same people behind Dark. Remember how I used to (and still do) wax poetics about that? XD Anyway, like Dark, it was also shaping up to be a complex mystery show with a gloomy atmosphere, well-placed mythological references galore, and morally ambiguous characters who made questionable life choices and whose stories were probably going to be revealed little by little. So, Netflix basically already had proof that a show like this made by these people could succeed before they even began releasing the episodes, right? And when they actually did release the episodes? 1899 stayed in their top ten shows for weeks. People immediately started posting comments, analyses, theories, fanworks. They were engaging with it and clearly wanted more. And official reviews were generally great, too! Like, "this is one of the best shows of 2022, can we have more German stuff plz" great!

And yeah, this show was a lot more slowburn than Dark had been. And some people didn't like that, I guess. Personally, by the end of the first (and now, only) season I wasn't even entirely sure I could trust anything the characters and the narration had said about themselves anymore... or that I'd even had exactly the firmest grasp on either of them through the whole thing, lol. But that very obviously wasn't the result of screenwriters trying to outsmart the audience and keep us in the dark as much as possible for randomness!!!1 shock value!!!1, it was clearly setting up something much bigger that needed a slow, careful build-up and trusting the audience to have the patience to see it done properly -- the amount of detail and care put into it was honestly insane, and I and many others were more than willing to see all the puzzles pieces be put in their respective places one by one. Because, hey, surprisingly enough sometimes audiences like being trusted instead of being hit over the head with a big sign saying Viewers Are Morons and/or wowed with shiny but empty spectacles and "witty" quotable one-liners!

And yeah, okay, it was probably a lot more expensive than Dark had been, too. But... had the execs at Netflix really not taken that into consideration BEFORE okay-ing the entire project?! There were characters of... what, six different nationalities? All played by actors of those nationalities to make sure their portrayal was accurate? All followed by people whose entire job was making sure the dialogue they were going to be handed in their different native languages was accurate and not stilted, awkward garbage?! And that's without even counting The Volume, the technology they were using to film scenes set on the ship's deck and at sea to make everything feel more realistic, which was the same thing used on HOTD to film flights on dragonback and apparently worked well enough to make some of the actors actually sea-sick during their first scenes with it. I mean... did nobody at all look at all that before shooting started, check the numbers, and go, "wait, no, actually we are not willing to spend that much money on an international series/scifi series/original project that's not an adaptation or a sequel to anything/something that most likely won't start any trends on TikTok or get any outraged kids screaming on Twitter, so how about you tone it down a little"?

Seriously... why give your audience a taste of something so creative and well-crafted only to yank it away because, whoops, you didn't really take enough time to think about it and understand that what you had on your hands wasn't actually the kind of thing you wanted? Why take two people who had already proven their skill and their passion (and likely also their willingness to actually treat their cast and crew well, given that one of the actors from Dark agreed to work with them again in 1899 and others publicly showed their support for the new series) and then pull the rug from underneath their feet? And that's not even counting what a great time the rest of the cast and crew all seemed to be having from the interviews and the behind the scenes stuff...

I guess what stings the most -- besides, you know, being left hanging on a cliffhanger that was obviously going to lead to a much bigger mystery that for once I could actually be pretty confident would get a satisfying resolution while interrogating human nature itself in fascinating ways while getting there XD -- is that people like that, ready to come up with big, fun, interesting ideas like that and to assemble great casts and crews like that, giving plenty of talented and hard-working people their time to shine on such amazing and heartfelt works, don't exactly get Big American Platform Able To Pick Up Or Drop International Projects On A Whim budgets every day. And when they do, and they're even lucky enough to get it a second time... they get discarded, apparently. Tossed away regardless of their talent, passion, great ideas, good relationships with their colleagues and respect for their public. Right in the middle of creating something else that could have turned out to be wonderful.

... and then people like me, who'd love nothing more than to stick with them to the end and fawn over them after seeing them stick the landing again, are left with truncated stories that will never give them the satisfaction of a good ending (how rare have those become, anyway?) and the grim knowledge that they probably won't see anything else like that in a long, long time. Because "anything else like that" won't likely get picked up by the people with the money needed to give it the shape it deserves, or even if it does, it will be picked up and then someone will go, "whoops, didn't think this through, sorry, let's pretend that just didn't happen!"

Sorry for the rant, I really did appreciate this message. I guess this whole vent *gestures upwards* had been building up, too. XD

#ask #queen-zimraphel

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dystopiandilfs · 4 years ago

Text

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

#dreamsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #mcyt #georgenotfound #sapnap

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tommydarlings · 4 years ago

Text

All the good girls go to Hell | pt.1 - Poor little girl

pairing: mob!tom x reader

warnings: kinda sexual tension, daddy kink? kinda kidnapping, one swear word at the end

w/c: 1.2k

Requests: OPEN

Summary: y/n has always been a quiet and shy girl. She was a typical good girl. And that's exactly what Tom Holland aka. the most feared man in the world wants. A good girl, but will that work?

y/f/n = your friends name

masterlist

“He sat fire to the World around him, but never let a flame touch her”

---

"How do you mean you won't make it?!" Tom shouted through the phone with an annoying voice.

"There are more opponents here than we would have thought sir," Anthony explained through the phone. "And who should pick up my girl now you idiots?!" Tom cried frustratingly.

"Can't you do that?" Anthony quietly asked with a bitter voice. "What did you just say?!" Tom replied shocked. "That's not a problem, is it?" Anthony quietly asked his boss.

"You know what? Okay. I'll get the girl with the private jet while you two idiots do your job "Tom said quickly before he hang up.

Tom didn't think he'd have to get the girl that will soon be his, but there he sat, in his millions of dollars expensive private jet to pick up his treasure.

y/n's pov:

I sat comfortably on my bed in my room and talked to my friend on the phone, y//f/n, when I suddenly heard someone trying to open my door. Therefore, I live alone, and my parents or friends usually never come to visit me, so, it could not mean anything good. A few seconds later, a man, dressed in black, stood in my room.

"I c-call y-you back y/f/n, okay?" I said into the phone before hanging up.

"Hello darling" said the mysterious man. "I think you're in the wrong house, sir"

Ohhh, the girl had no idea what she was doing to him when she said 'sir'.

"No, I'm right and you, my little one, will come along with me now," He said with a smirk on his face.

He came so close that he was right in front of me and the door was free.

"If I run now, maybe I could make it then and escape" i thought. Of course, i thought that would be a good idea and jumped towards the door. But i did not get far therefore within a few seconds he held my wrists in his hands and pressed me against the wall.

"Uh, uh, where do you think you´re going princess?" He asked with a grin on his face.

"Please, let me go, I didn't do anything to you," i whined as i got tears in my eyes. "That's right princess, you didn't do anything to me," He leaned on, so that he could whisper in my ear, "But you have no idea what I'm going to do to you."

That was the moment when the tears started to fall and i thought of the worst things.

Will he rape me?

Will he torture me?

Will he-

But before i could think of the bad things, he let go of my wrists and loosened his tie.

"W-what are you doing?" i asked with a quiet and fragile voice. But he said nothing and made only a 'come here' move with his fingers. Slowly, i stepped away from the wall and stood in front of the man. However, he walked around me so the he stood behind me and whispered in my ear, "Do you like roleplaying?" i started to sob because i knew this will be the moment where i will get raped. After a few minutes of giving no answer, the man became impatient and grabbed my throat from behind and whispered again, "I.asked.you.something, darling, and I think it's pretty rude if you don't answer, huh?"

I didn't know what to answer. I haven't done roleplaying yet, I´m not a virgin anymore, but i had no idea about that kind of thing.

However, the man waited long enough and wanted an answer. He wrapped his one hand around my hair and yanked my head back, so that we both looked deeply into each other's eyes now.

"You know, princess, I'm a pretty impatient man, and I'm a man who gets everything he wants. And by everything I mean everything. If you don't answer the question then you answer at least this question now, Are you a virgin? "he asked with a rough and deep voice.

"No sir" I answered quickly and briefly while tears ran down my cheeks. The man smirked and answered in a deep voice, "Good"

He let go of my hair before he asked, "So you've never done roleplay before?" He was still behind me when I shook my head 'no' in response, but that was too less for him.

"Words princess" he growled as he slowly caressed my arms with his fingertips.

"No sir," I replied with a broken voice because of all the crying, but he apparently didn't care.

"Then we will have a lot of fun my love" he whispered before he blindfolded me with his tie.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked quietly as he took my hand and started walking. "You will come with me darling" he replied.

"But why?" I whined.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

He turned around so that he stood right in front of me and took my chin into his hand.

"I thought you were a good girl, but do you know what good girls do?" he asked me.

„No sir“

"Good girls, don't ask questions, good girls do what is required of them, and I ask you to be quiet now and follow my rules, did you understand me?" he whispered with an rough voice.

„Undertstood"

„Understand what?“

„Understood… sir?“

He grabbed her chin even tighter than before.

„Understood... daddy?“

He leaned forward again so that he could whisper in my ear.

"Good girl"

I detested this man and hated him, but his voice, and this 'good girl' made my knees go weak.

He dragged me further outside until he stood still and scooped me up in his strong arms. And of course he placed both of his hands on my butt.

"C-could you please remove your hands-"

„What? Should I remove my hands from your ass? No. Didn't you listen to me before? I will do with you what i want and when i want it, alright? "

This was once again a moment when i couldn't hold it together and the tears started to stream down my cheeks again.

„Yes … daddy“

"Good girl, even learned something"

He went into the jet with me and put me on a cozy bench before removing the tie from my eyes. All i could see was pure luxury.

Gold decorated benches with beautiful tables in front of them and on one table stood a champagne bottle with two glasses next to it.

"Do you want a drink?" the man asked. "No, thank you," i replied shortly before wiping away my tears.

He also noticed the tears and knelt infront of me.

"Stop crying, okay? It will all get better and easier"

"You don't know that" i growled.

Unfortunately, this was not the smartest idea of mine.

He got up and grabbed me by the neck, so i almost stopped breathing.

"Now listen to me darling, I'm the boss here, okay? That means I'll make the rules and tell you what to do, and if you disobey me, oh, then I'll have to punish you and believe me if I tell you you don't want to be punished by me princess. Either you play after my rules and be my good girl and listen to me, or you will experience the consequences, capiche? "he said with a rough voice as he pressed his hand more firmly on my neck.

"Yes daddy"

"That's a good girl"

He sat down on the place right next to me and said,

„Oh! Sorry, forget to introduce me, I'm Tom, Tom Holland "

And that was the moment where i realized that I'm in deep shit.

permanent Taglist:

a/n: Ahhhh! Hope you like this one! There will a be much more diffrent stuff in the story! :) ily,liz <3

“All the good girls go to Hell” Taglist:

@goodgirlgonetom

@quacksonlover81

@strawbrryserena @sushiinmidnight

#mob!tom holland #mob!tom #tom holland mob au #mob au #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tomholland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #story #serie

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