#that’s an assumption I’m going to assume is correct

[deus-ex-mona]

when the realisation ✨finally✨ dawns on you but it’s wayyyy too late

[blondedmuse]

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (BEAUTIFUL PROBLEMS)

synopsis. ꩜ how felix comforts you.

author’s note. ∿ i wanted to write something (kind of) short and angsty so here’s this

When Felix woke up his skin was cold, lacking the warmth your body gave him in the night, his arms holding onto the ghost of you. He lifted his body from his bed, his eyes in search of his room for any trace you you. He couldn’t find anything. He checked the room you were assigned when you first arrived at Saltburn and you weren’t there either—not that you used it anyways. So, he walked downstairs to the dining room assuming you were at the table eating breakfast. While everyone ate at approximately at the same time it was in Felix’s nature to be a little fashionably late.

His assumptions were correct as you sat for the meal, looking down at your food. It was when you looked up at him he noticed something innately wrong, unable to ignore how your eyes were tainted red as they flit around the room, unable to hold his gaze. You hadn’t said much other than please and thank you the entire time, ultimately excusing yourself early, the sound of your feet resounding throughout the house as you walked back upstairs.

“Is she okay?” Venetia subtly whispered to Felix and he shook his head with a shrug. “I don’t know,” He responded seriously. Elsbeth gave her son a look of concern, the green light that it was acceptable to excuse himself.

“If I may, I’m going to excuse myself to check on her.” His parents nodded and he followed the same way you went. He eventually traced you back to the bathroom that separated your two rooms, peeking in the door when he heard your figure slosh in the water of the bathtub.

“Can I come in?” He asked quietly and you nodded. Your knees were to your chest as you held a cigarette in your hand. Felix kneeled beside you, replacing the cig with his hand, putting it out on the ash tray beside the bath it seemed you brought with you. His thumb massaged your hand in silence as if it would magically ease whatever was devastating you—it didn’t, but it calmed the both of you to know that it helped.

“Do you want me to join you?” He mouthed, quieter than the previous question as you looked at him again. Still you didn’t say anything, only nodding as he reluctantly released your hand to remove the clothing from his body. You moved from your position momentarily to make room for him in the bath, sitting in his lap once he was submerged with you.

He didn’t push you to talk but there was something so concerning, persuasive about the look in his eyes you almost felt guilty for staying quiet. Felix would never intend to make you feel that way, there was just something about him that made you want to open your heart to him knowing that he’d keep it safe.

The thought alone made your eyes water like they had earlier that morning, the reason why you left him in bed alone. You rested your head on his chest as you cried, Felix’s arms around you, rubbing at your back as you did so. His head rested atop yours, cringing to himself each time he felt it shake from a sob.

“I’m right here, okay?” He mumbled into your hair. His statement made it seem like he was a few doors down or right next to you, but in truth his body was wrapped around yours, protecting you like a shield from anything that threatened to hurt you. He knew he couldn’t, but right now it was the best he could do.

[m3hp3rson]

i feel like people have the impression that i fuck, but i do not

[ao3commentoftheday]

As a volunteer, do you have anything to say about what the OTW did to bjorn?

To begin with, I’m going to speak in generalities instead of specifics. This is for a couple of reasons. 1) I’ve been on hiatus from the OTW since August because my life got extremely complicated and volunteering wasn’t something I could continue doing right now. 2) As a result of my hiatus, I was not present for any of the events that transpired. This is simply my own opinion based on the available information, so you can feel free to disagree.

Now, as to your phrasing. You say “what the OTW did to bjorn” and I ask, “What did the OTW do to them?” From the meager information I’ve seen, all of which has been provided by bjorn themselves, they left the OTW of their own accord because they were unhappy with being talked to about their behaviour. This behaviour occurred in the OTW’s chat space which, for those of you who don’t know, is the OTW’s workspace. As a fully online organization, that platform is the equivalent of their office. 

bjorn was in that shared workspace, and they set their name to include the phrase “Palestine will be free.” Later, they changed it to “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.” They were told that the first phrase made some people uncomfortable but that they were allowed to continue using it. They were told the second was unacceptable and that they should stop using it. bjorn chose to continue using the second phrasing.

Why is the second phrase seen as unacceptable? A quick google took me to the Anti Defamation League’s explanation of its antisemitism. That same google also provided me with Al Jazeera’s explanation of its complicated history. As a person who is neither Israeli nor Palestinian and as someone who hasn’t spent years studying the history of the region or the complexities of the conflict there, I’m comfortable with the idea that it’s a nuanced issue that different people will see in different ways, and I have personally decided that I should probably avoid using an expression whose interpretation varies so wildly.

Here, I will digress to remind everyone that the OTW is an international volunteer organization. That means there are volunteers there from all over the world - including Israel and Palestine. As far as I’m aware, bjorn is not from that region of the world.

So we have someone using a controversial phrase in a workplace setting where there are people who are immediately affected by the current conflict. My assumption is that they were not doing this to be intentionally aggressive. While I do recognize their name, there are nearly 1000 volunteers at the OTW so I’m afraid I don’t remember this one individual. I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt here, however, and assume that they were not calling for the eradication of all Jews.

I can also, however, understand why anyone who has seen this same phrase used as a justification for terrorist attacks would have difficulty doing the same. 

From what I saw in the original post, bjorn was given a warning about their behaviour and then a more formal letter when it continued. CCAP (Constructive Corrective Action Procedure) has a pretty dystopian sound to it, but it’s basically just a conversation between a manager (Chair) and an employee (volunteer) when the employee has kinda messed up a little bit and the manager wants to get them back on track. If the CCAP goes well, then the volunteer is back in good standing and the situation can be put behind them. It’s only if the volunteer and their Chair are unable to get things back on track that the volunteer will be asked to leave the Org. As far as I know, that’s only happened a handful of times (but I’m no expert, and I’m still on hiatus so I can’t go and try to look things up)

bjorn apparently chose option #3, which is to leave the OTW rather than go through that process. That’s a perfectly fine decision to make, and I’m sure they’re not the first volunteer to do so. It was their choice, though. The OTW didn’t kick them out. The OTW didn’t force them out. The OTW told them “this is inappropriate behaviour in an international workplace setting,” and bjorn decided to leave rather than change that behaviour.

I have nothing against bjorn, and I hope their post-OTW life is a good one. However, I've seen posts that have been using bjorn's situation as a way to claim the OTW is a “Zionist organization.” I would like to remind everyone that the OTW is an organization dedicated to the preservation of fanworks. What role do people expect the OTW to take in an international negotiation between Israel and Palestine? How many international policy volunteers do people think they have, and which committee do people think they belong to? Technical Support? Communications?

I’m trending towards sarcasm here but it’s only because I can’t quite believe that there really are people who seem to believe that the OTW - again a fanwork preservation organization - is attempting to do anything at all with regards to an international conflict. 

If anyone out there hates the OTW, I encourage them to avoid OTW’s various projects and to decline the biannual opportunities to donate, but please don't generate or share conspiracy theories. There are more than enough of them going around already.

[heavenangelly]

My opinions on what this community has come to

I know that I don’t really make posts anymore, and that’s simply because I have said what’s needed to be said. I’ve answered asks but end up turning them off after a few days. This is because the answer will always be the same regardless of ur circumstance. Assume and persist.

But I also feel like along the way, people have forgotten what the LAW OF ASSUMPTION actually is. People have become lazy and undisciplined and because they can’t manifest their desires they attack bloggers on anon mode and make unnecessary drama. Calling people names, making bloggers deactivate, framing them as bad people, etc. the list goes on and I’m actually so appalled by this community sometimes. And I don’t mean this in a superior way, but us bloggers are fucking helping you. We are teaching you a law so that you can get your dream life and in return we get hate, people calling us names, trauma dumping, sending asks upon asks saying the exact same fucking thing and the worst of all, people never applying. If all bloggers deactivate and all that’s left of the community is you hateful learners and undisciplined learners, the law will die with us. What the actual fuck is wrong with some of you? You will attack everyone but yourselves for YOUR mistakes. Do you want your desires or not? I don’t care what you circumstances are, because they never mattered. Log off of tumblr and apply the law instead of complaining so goddamn much. It’s no one’s fault but your own. And that may be a harsh pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. You are your saviour but you’re also your villain. It just depends on who you want to be. Your lack of belief in yourself is no one else’s problem but your own. Do some fucking shadow work or something or I don’t know, ACTUALLY APPLY THE LAW?

And back to what the law of assumption actually is, it’s whatever you assume to be true is true. And one of the things you absolutely have to do is persist. It’s not optional. It’s not an opinion. You need to persist if you want to be different. Assuming + persisting = success.

What is an assumption? Something you accept without proof. You don’t wait, you don’t hope for your assumption to be correct, you accept and it is shown in your reality. That is LAW.

you should be assuming its in imagination while leaving the 3d alone since it will always change to match who you are being in imagination…always. persist in the assumption that its done, because it literally is. you never needed physical evidence especially since imagination is what produces the physical evidence in the first place - etherealkissed88

Affirmations, scripting, vaunting, void, etc are all METHODS. They are METHODS that help you feel fulfilled in the facts it’s ALREADY yours.

This is no shade to any blogger who is an affirm and persist blogger, and not to bring back old drama with states and affirmations, but as an assume and persist blogger, what you guys are teaching can be wrong. You NEED to be fulfilled. You NEED to have changed self in order to get a change in your reality. Robotic affirming is something that along the process you eventually feel fulfilled from, but as someone who has tried it, I hated it. It felt like I was going in loops and loops and I NEVER felt fulfilled. And it certainly never manifested. And if it works for you, that’s great. I’m not saying stop. But if it doesn’t fulfil you, states/assuming will.

How I found states/tumblr

I remember I always used to use subliminals but lacked faith and would assume that some of them didn’t work and I eventually got tired of using them. I would legit sleep with earphones and hope for the best. I remember how I wished there was a way to use my energy to manifest. And that’s when I found tumblr and then found states. I literally found a way to do that and was so grateful.

And states are NOT a method. They are being. A mood. You can tell what state you’re in by the thoughts you get. Thoughts/affirmations come from your state. If you are in a state of lack, you will naturally get thoughts about how you can never manifest, your desires aren’t here, etc. States are endless and infinite and you can enter any state you like just by making a decision to enter it and choosing to stay there.

I’ve been in this community for a few years now and have seen many popular blogs leave their mark, and get their dream lives, and then leave. And that’s actually good for them. They actually fucking applied. And sometimes after their success stories were posted, angry entitled anons wanted proof or called them liars. You people are impossible to please.

You can either believe in the law of assumption or not. Either way, it’s a law. But don’t make it anyone else’s problem but your own.

My advice to the learners and bloggers of this community.

I think that the learners of this community need to actually apply now and to stop complaining. And bloggers need to put their foot down and stop trying to please everyone. As you bloggers gain popularity, you will gain haters. Do not give them energy. And DO NOT water down the law. Do not accommodate lazy learners by saying they don’t have to feel fulfilled, just consistent. WRONG. You have to feel fulfilled to be different. You cannot expect change without having changed. It’s like waiting for a plant to grow but you haven’t watered it. How the fuck will it grow?

End

I may get hate for this, I may get people agreeing with me, but I don’t not like what this community has become. YES this is YOUR reality and you decide but there is a core foundation you need to start on and needs to be exercised regardless of what you assume. Please do not let the law become something different than what it actually is.

Please do not make this community like law of attraction. This community was meant to be a safe space for everyone, please do not ruin it.

I don’t know if I’ll leave or anything, but I’m so thankful for all my mutuals and followers. You guys mean the world to me and to all the silent learners that have applied or even struggle to but never give up, I believe in you. You can do this. Anyone can. The law is easy. You just have to believe.

I hope this post has gave you guys some insight and brought you back to the roots of the law again.

[arisuworld]

HOW TO IGNORE THE 3D?

A lot of people get confused over the phrase "ignoring the 3D." They think this means they have to “act as if,” lie to themselves and the people around them, and then end up feeling pretty delusional. However, i’m here to tell you that it's NOT THE CORRECT WAY. If you're doing this, you're probably gonna end up feeling like you're being delusional and lose faith in LOA overall. first of all, we need to rephrase the term “ignoring the 3D.” When neville goddard and other teachers said to “ignore” the 3D, they didn’t mean to literally ignore it. They meant to stop REACTING to it mentally, to what the 3D is showing to you. So the better phrase would be to “not react to the 3D".

જ⁀➴ FIRSTLY, YOU MUST KNOW THAT-

1. You're the god of your reality. You have the power to change anything you want. Nothing can stop you, other than YOU.

2. Circumstances do not matter. They're NOT permanent. They change in literal seconds.

3. Subconscious does not have eyes. What you tell it, is what it will assume.

4. 3D is nothing but a bitch of 4D. It will conform to your assumptions, right in front of your eyes.

• WHAT DOES 'IGNORING THE 3D' MEANS?

So, what exactly does not reacting to the 3D mean? It means to not mentally reaffirm unfavorable assumptions about the 3D. For example, if you’ve been affirming that you're your ideal height but suddenly you come across a mirror and see the opposite, DON’T MENTALLY REACT TO IT!!! Simply acknowledge it and know that you already have your desires and the 3D will conform no matter what. Also, keep in mind that it’s completely fine to react emotionally to the 3D. You can cry or be angry, you’re still human after all. But don’t let your thoughts slip back into the old story and old pattern of thinking because once you do, it will manifest the opposite.

I know, this is way easier said than done, but once you master this, all of your manifestations will literally come flowing in!!

: ̗̀➛ HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO HELP YOU CURB YOUR REACTION TO THE 3D

1. KNOW YOUR POWER: Whenever you face any unfavorable circumstances, sit back and take deep breaths.Remind yourself that you're the god and nothing can stop you from achieving the things you desire.

2. SUBLIMINALS: I know subliminals aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but i personally love them! There are some really great ones for self-concept, and a bunch for literally any specific desire. (i'll make a separate post in the future on subs and how to use them).

3. YOGA NIDRA/ MEDITATION: This is an excellent way to not only get into a calmer state, but to really tune into your thoughts and become aware of what assumptions are serving you are not. (I personally love Lizzy Hill's yoga nidra video!!)

4. IMPROVE SELF CONCEPT: When faced with an unfavorable circumstance, you may be tempted to let your thoughts spiral back into the old story. By keeping a strict mental diet, you can prevent this from even happening. Don’t even give your mind a chance to go back to your old assumptions.

5. CREATE NEW ASSUMPTIONS: By this, I mean creating a whole new assumption for whenever you react to the 3D. This can be something like “negative thoughts never manifest,” “nothing, not even i, can stop my desires from manifesting” or “everything works out for me.” Affirm these if you’re reacting emotionally.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is to PERSIST despite what you see in the 3D!! Don’t ever give up on your desires. Your desires have NO choice but to manifest!!

[nevvdrinksteaa]

history // charlie walker

~~

pairing: charlie walker x reader

original prompt: you’re paired with charlie walker for a school project, it gets dirty

warnings: 18+ nsfw smut, porn WITH plot, afab!reader, slight angst (charlie thinks you hate him for like 5 whole minutes) pet names, oral (male and female), dom!reader, sub!charlie, begging, making out, fingering, whatever the fuck it’s called when you grind against sheets to make yourself c*m, overuse of the nickname ‘char’, never written for dom!reader before (bare w me), no specific reference to body type !! please let me know if i forgot anything!

word count: 3.1k

this is NOT proof read so if there are any mistakes ignore them! i believe that anyone of any shape or size and anyone of color can enjoy this. i don’t believe there is any description of physical appearance (please please correct me if i’m wrong, i don’t want to make assumptions about anything!!)

please send in more stuff for me to write because i’m in the mood to zoom 🫡

~~~

1:40 PM

you sat in history, your last period class, shaking your pencil hearing it tap, tap, tap with every move. eyes trained on the clock wishing the last twenty minutes would fly by quicker, eager to get your weekend started.

“for this project, you are all going to be in partners”

everyone shot up from their bored positions at their desks, starting conversations with friends deciding who’s working with who. you look over at your best friend, grinning.

“settle down, your partners were pre-chosen. i think we need some variety in the groups we see”

the class started to groan as the teacher stated that the partner lists were posted on the board, stating specifics on the projects and that it will be due on monday. everyone started to get up from their seats to check the list on the corkboard at the front of the room. you started to write down ideas, assuming your partner would find you.

of course it’s due monday, there goes my weekend. what’s the point of your parents going out of town if-

“uhm hey, i think we’re partners”

you look up, noticing charlie walker standing at the front of your desk, looking at the floor in front of him.

“you think or you checked the list and know?” you smirk at him, giggling to yourself.

“you got me there, i saw it on the list” he states, settling in the chair beside you.

he started rambling, talking about ideas he has for the project.

“okay charlie, here's the deal” you state bluntly, “my parents aren’t home for the weekend and i really want to get this project finished as soon as possible so i can have friends over on saturday”

he was taken back at your tone, shocked at the rude nature. he figured you didn’t like him, and wanted to get it over as soon as possible so you didn’t have to be seen with him. why else were you so angry when you had always been so sweet to everyone? weren’t you two friends?

“well we can do it after school and work on it today, i’m good at history so we should finish it really soon” he says quietly, trailing off towards the end.

“perfect” you say, grabbing your phone and handing it to the boy. “give me your number and i can text you my address”

the final bell rings and the class starts to gather their things. you sit up from your spot at the desk, collecting your books to leave. “i’ll shower when i get home and you can come over after, does three work?”

“sounds good.” he doesn’t look up from the desk as he’s still writing down notes.

“see you later, char” you say, giving him a smile he doesn’t notice.

walking back to your locker, you catch yourself thinking about him and how awkward he is, finding it indearing. you were excited to work on your project with him, you had a crush on him for a while and you hadn’t had any courage to say anything to him.

you grab your things and start the trek to your car, stopping your friend to tell her about your plans for today on your way out.

“the universe is giving you signs partnering you up with charlie, maybe it’s time to tell him about your crush.” she says, shoving her shoulder into yours as she walks.

“yeah right, he’s so infatuated with kirby i would just embarrass myself if i told him i liked him.” you state rolling your eyes. “he’d laugh in my face probably”

“he’s too sweet to do all that” your friend says stopping once you reach her car, “charlie walker is probably not the type of person to be rude about letting someone down, he’d probably say thank you and talk about a movie that’s about to come out”

she unlocks her car as you laugh at her joke, trying to ease the nerves in your stomach. you wave goodbye and turn to leave, hearing your friend shout out her window “don’t do anything i wouldn’t do”

you laugh as you walk to your car, sitting in the drivers seat and starting it before heading home.

maybe she’s right, i should just say something.

~~~

you wipe the steam off of the bathroom mirror after stepping out of the shower, skin red from the burning shower you took. you start to pat your damp skin dry before you heard a knock on your door. checking the time to see it was 2:45. fuck, he’s early.

you wrap yourself with the towel tightly before you start down the steps to answer the front door.

“hey” charlie starts, face starting to get beat red after noticing you in a towel. you notice him start to fidget with his hands.

“you’re early char” you say opening the door wider and waving him in. “you can wait in my room while i get dressed, it’s upstairs next to the bathroom”

you both start to walk up the steps and you point to the right when you get to the top. “it’s on the door on the left, get comfortable and i’ll be right there”

you hear charlie hum and grip the strap on his bag before he turns to your room. you step into the bathroom and finish getting dressed, drying your skin and putting on comfortable shorts and a crop top. you head back to your room and stand in the doorway, noticing charlie with his back to the door, looking at the pictures and vinyls hung on your walls.

“you’re not going to steal anything, are you?” you tease, sitting on the middle of your bed with your bag, pulling out your history books.

“of course not” charlie says, “just looking at all your stuff”

he takes a seat across from you, where he had preset his books and notes from class. you grab your phone and turn on some music, asking if the choice was okay and a hum of approval in response.

“so, where should we start?” you ask.

~~~

you guys worked on your project for about an hour before you heard your stomach growl. you drop your pencil and look up at charlie who was scribbling away. “are you hungry, char?” you ask

he hummed no at your question and you started to get anxious at his lack of response, he normally would talk your ear off about anything and everything. “is everything okay?”

“yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“you’re just really quiet today, i wanted to make sure everything is alright with you.”

“i just want to finish this project so i’ll get out of your hair, i know that you don’t really want me around”

his response caught you very off guard. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, shaking your head back and forth softly. “what are you talking about?”

he shrugged his shoulders, not looking up from his lap.

“char, look at me” he looked up at you, trying hard to keep eye contact. “why would you think that?”

“you said earlier you wanted to get the project over with so you could make other plans this weekend.”

you noticed him look back towards his lap and you were confused on what he was talking about

“i figured since you don’t like me, you wanted to get rid of me quicker”

your eyes softened, realizing you didn’t phrase your comment from earlier properly. you immediately felt bad, you never wanted him to think that you didn’t like him. you liked charlie, quite a bit actually. he was very smart, charismatic, and oh so sweet; you couldn’t believe he thought you hated him.

you scooted closer to him, setting his hand on his knee. he looked up towards you with a nervous expression.

“i don’t hate you, i’m so sorry that i made you think i did. i was just upset earlier that we were given a weekend project the same week my parents were out of town” you gave his leg a little squeeze

“oh” he replied, holding eye contact with you. “now i feel stupid”

“don’t feel stupid, it was all my fault. i’ll hang out with you all weekend just to prove to you i like you.” you paused, wanting to say something more. you took your hand off his knee and put it in your lap, looking at the ground, you took in a deep breath.

“actually char,” you start to trail off, feeling the nerves all the way down to your toes. “i really like you”

“what?” you felt the bed move, charlie shifting in his seat

“i don’t expect you to feel the same, i know you have a crush on kirby, robbie told me a while ago, i just felt like i needed to tell you before i lost the courage to”

charlie didn’t say anything, he felt so dumbfounded by your sudden release. he didn’t know what to say, he liked you to, he just never knew how to express it. he liked how kind you were to everyone and how you always loved to listen about everything he has to say.

you got up from your seat quick, anxiety crashing at his silence. “i’m so sorry, just forget i said anything. i’m going to grab a water” you state, heading towards the door

“wait” you heard him get up from the bed and head towards you, “do you mean it?”

you make eye contact, “of course i mean it, i wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true char”

he stood directly in front of you, “i like you too”

neither of you said anything after that, all that could be heard was both of your breaths and the quiet sound of radiohead coming from your phone. he looked between your eyes and your lips.

“do you want to kiss me charlie?”

“yes” he says softly

you felt his lips on yours, pecking slightly. he was so nervous, you knew you had to lead

“do you want to make out with me?”

“please” he nodded quick, looking back to your lips.

you lean forward to kiss him, hands moving up to the back of his neck. you could feel his hands on your hips, barely making contact. you slightly pull away, catching your breath.

“please touch me char”

you felt him grab your waist, pulling you back to his lips. you rake your fingers through his hair, pulling at the root slightly. he whimpered at the feeling, gripping your sides harder.

you started to walk the both of you slowly toward the bed, not breaking away from the kiss. you settled into his lap, feeling his hands glued in place.

“you can touch me anywhere” you say breathless, pulling away

“i’ve never done this before” he admits shamefully

“we can do whatever you feel comfortable with.” you reply, playing with his hair.

you felt one of charlie’s hands leave your hip, slowly heading towards your chest. he let out a breath when he felt you weren’t wearing a bra. he was gentle with his touch, as though he was scared to break you. your hand found his and pressed harder, encouraging his movements.

he started to kneed his hands, rubbing his thumb back and forth over your nipple. you let out a soft moan, pushing your lips back to his. you started to grind your hips back and forth, earning a breathy sound from his mouth. he opened his eyes to look up at you and you took the opportunity to bite the bottom of his lip, moving immediately to his neck, rubbing his cock with your hands.

“is this okay baby?”

“fuck- yes please”

you start biting and kissing the skin below his ear, moving your hands to start unbuttoning his shirt. he shrugs it off his shoulders and you start to make your way down to kneel on the floor, kissing and sucking his skin on your way. you look up at him as you fumble with his zipper, batting your eyelashes at him. he sits up slowly to help pull his pants down, taking his underwear with him. he sets his hands on either side of his legs, slightly gripping the sheets with nerves.

you take his dick in your hands, shocked at the size, before spitting on it. you rub your hands up and down earning a moan from charlie.

“fuck- please i-” he trailed off when you kissed the head, tasting salt on your lips.

“please what baby?” still stroking his cock

“i need more, i want more please”

you lick a long strip from his balls to the tip before putting him in your mouth. slowing going up and down using your hands to help with what you can’t fit. you grab charlie’s hand, moving it from his side to the top of your head. he laces his fingers in your hair, slightly pushing and pulling with your movements.

“i think i’m going to cum”

you pull off, stroking him quick with your hands, “are you going to cum in my mouth char? be a good boy and cum in my mouth for me”

he nodded, eyes shut tight as his head leaned back. “say it charlie, tell me”

he opened his eyes, locked with yours. wiping a tear from your face, so fucking pretty.

“i’m gonna cum for you like a good boy fuck-”

you went right back to work, taking him deeper and blinking the tears from your eyes. you wanted to see charlie cum so bad, you felt your hands move down inside your shorts. rubbing your clit over your panties.

“fuck, i’m cumming, please let me cum. wanna be good for you”

you moaned around his dick and felt charlie grip your hair harder. his dick started to twitch and you felt your mouth get hot, cum filling your throat and mouth. you pulled off slowly, swallowing as you went, keeping your mouth open to pump the rest of his cum on your tounge.

charlie was a rambling, moaning mess. whispering how good it felt and how good you were. he saw you give his dick one last kiss and come back up to meet him face to face.

“thank you”

you gave him a quick kiss, giggling. “you don’t have to say thank you”

he wanted to say it a hundred times over, he couldn’t believe that he just got head for the first time. “can i…” he trailed off

“can you do what char?” you sounded so innocent, like you didn’t just finish choking and gagging on his dick.

“can i do you now?”

you got close to him, kissing up his neck. “you want to eat me out baby?”

“yes, please. please let me make you feel good”

you nodded and stood up from your seat next to him, pushing your notes to the bottom half of the bed. you slipped your top off and pushed your pants down your legs, getting comfortable by your pillows. “come here char”

charlie was quick to move above you, taking your lips to his, touching anywhere his hands could move.

“i might need some help” he sighs sheepishly.

“start by moving all the way down” you say as you give him a quick kiss for encouragement. “do whatever you think is right, i’ll tell you if i don’t like it”

he nodded and moved to your neck, kissing and licking, keeping his hands roaming. you felt him reach your nipples, his hot breath close before sticking his touch out to lick one. he saw your lips open to let out a quiet gasp of air and started to suck, earning a moan in response. he moved his hand, pinching and pulling at the left while he kept his mouth at the right, then switching.

“just like that pretty boy” you said as you move your hand to play with his hair.

he was blushing at the pet name, feeling his cock getting hard against your hip. he started to move down, kissing anywhere and everywhere he could, scared you’ll change your mind. he makes it past your stomach and to your thighs, gently pulling them apart.

he lets out a subtle groan, “so pretty” he mumbles. “can i touch you?” he says rubbing his hands up and down your thighs.

“of course” you sigh, anxiously waiting for his touch

he slowly brings his hands to your pussy, collecting your wetness on his fingers and spreading it around. he finds your clit and starts to rub in small, slow circles, watching you raise your hips slightly.

“right there baby” you say closing your eyes.

he brings his mouth to your pussy, licking a long strip from your hole to your clit. “you taste so good” he says lowly, almost to himself. he continues to play with your clit and eat you out. trying different rhythms and motions based on your movements and sounds.

“char, please put a finger in. i’m so close”

charlie is quick to push in and up, finding that sweet spot. you grab his hair, pulling at the root.

“fuck yes, right there”

he can’t help it, all the mumbling and moaning makes him start to grind into the bed, intoxicated by you. he can feel his cock, hard and throbbing against your silk green sheats.

he slowly slides in a second finger, curling them upwards, taking your clit between his lips and sucking softly.

“i’m gonna cum” you felt your body start to feel fuzzy, stomach pulling at the feeling. “fuck charlie, i’m cumming”

you felt yourself tighten against his fingers, grinding down on his tongue, which was eager to lap up your release. you heard him whimper, seeing his hips stutter against the bed.

he pulls his head up from your pussy, making sure to not look at you in the face. “i’m so sorry”

you look at him confused, leaning forward to see the wet spot on your sheets. you smirk at him, grabbing his hand and licking your juices off his fingers.

“don’t be sorry, this was amazing,” you lean forward to kiss him “and knowing you came from eating me out is kinda hot”

you giggle as you lean back, still catching your breath. charlie moves beside you softly rubbing your hand. “so what do we do now?”

you look up at him, “well” you start lacing your fingers with his “for now, we lay here until we fall asleep. then tomorrow morning we’ll wake up and shower and maybe finish where we left off”

charlie grins from ear to ear, “oh yeah?”

“i mean, if that’s alright with you” you mumble

“being with you is alright for me” he says, kissing your forehead.

[jean0farc]

STRIPPED

▶︎ TRACK 001.

bad liar | Johan Liebert x Reader

Banner Credit: @bunnysrph

Content Warnings: manipulation, inexperience, codependency, seeing through people, psychological play, implied nsfw, but still sfw.

“Do you think your sin will disappear when you lie?”

He’s circling me; it was like we were in a tango. His hands were formally placed in the back, and his mind probably wanders while I bow my head out of pure shame. He’s stripped me off of my dignity, I’m unable to form coherent sentences upon uttering what my pride told me to say.

His hand reached for the right areas, he’s being incredibly unfair. His eyes wandered. It was almost as if he saw right through me. This damn monster.

I refused to look back. I had to keep searching, search for a place to stare blankly into oblivion. I wouldn’t dare look back at the monster’s eyes as he cornered me like a hungry predator. But no, he wasn’t just any predator, he’s just playing dangerously innocent. I felt like a small, curious nymph before his gaze; he looks calm, but definitely not pure. This man was definitely far from being pure, I believe he’s hiding something from the untrained eye.

But I just know he got one or two things on his mind.

I bit my lip. My thoughts are filled with nothing but inner despair—I had to be careful with what I chose to mutter.

“I’m not lying, you’re just…..you’re just assuming things about me. I know myself far better than you do, Johan.”

“Johan, huh?” he asked, his bedroom eyes cornering me. I wasn’t looking up at him, but I can feel his haunting lips shape a crooked smile while I could only wish to escape. “Those sweet old memories of me going by that name. I’m quite surprised you’d catch up to me by deciding to pick up my call.”

“I answered your call out of respect,” I replied. “It’s not….it’s not like I like you or anything….”

“Oh? But you’re trembling. Are you perhaps curious? They say curiosity killed the cat, and it seems to me as if I dragged the cat in.”

“What?”

“Don’t play innocent, missy. You know your intentions have been quite obvious.”

“I don’t exactly know what you’re talking about, Johan.” I frowned at his remarks.

“I was just testing the waters. And it turned out that my then assumptions were correct. [Name], let’s be clear. You know very well that no one would want to sleep with you tonight, right?”

“Wha- I never said that!” I exclaimed.

“You never said anything, indeed. In fact, you never really say much. You don’t really do much, [Name].”

“So that means, you just called me for nothing?” I retorted.

He’s pausing. He looked elsewhere. This was my time to run away. He seems defeated. This was my chance. I tried to push him away. Not literally. I tried to deny him. I lifted my foot and stared at the exit.

“Staring into space, little one? Perhaps I can help with that.”

“Let go!” I retaliated. He raised his eyebrow at my response thereafter. “Oh, I’m sorry, I….didn’t mean to frighten you or anything. I just….I don’t know. Do I actually spend the night?”

“Sssshhhh…..you’re not leaving. Spend the night.”

He’s pulling me closer, I try to push him away, but he pulled me in. He’s calm, but his grip was far too strong. Next thing I know, he’s battling for access. I shivered, no fucking way. I struggled against his grasp, not because I didn’t like it, but because of my fears.

What if he’d discard me after this?

He pulled away.

“Such a sensitive, fragile little angel.” Johan smiled, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. He smiled. Even his smile was fake. “I’m glad you picked up the phone.”

I frowned at the remark.

“Why the sour face, angel? I just tell it like it is.”

I can’t speak, I can’t retaliate. But he’s got me in a trance, so I gave in. He’s there to show me the ropes, and that’s all I could ever lean on for the rest of my life.

“You’re lying to yourself. Is it a lie you don’t just tell yourself, but to me as well? Too bad. I see through you.”

“I-“

“You’re trembling. Is it because of fear? Or is it simply because you can’t stand one day looking away from me?”

“No.”

“You’re lying once again, so typical of your kind indeed.”

He lowered his voice, he’s being cruel. I tried to object but he pulled me in, and he’s losing his patience. I closed my eyes, not because I didn’t want it to stop.

It felt good, far too good.

The time ticked. I could hear the clock ticking as he slowly, yet skillfully explored every inch of me. Well, not all inches, but just the right amount. It was painfully awkward, but he pulled off our confrontation so well.

Then everything came to a halt.

That intoxicating voice of his spoke once more.

“I guess it’s time for you to reach home. I have one last thing to ask of you before we part ways.”

“What is it, Johan?” I asked.

“Don’t ever make me forget you.”

[nucifraga]

so... who was going to tell me that my estimates of the tma characters' ages was WAYYY off??

and i know jonny probably meant it to be that way so that there'd be leeway for creative interpretation of the characters and all, but my brain wants them pinned down. so. here's a mini-list/research rant of my favs. presently the list consists of:

Jonathan Sims

Martin Blackwood

Sasha James

Timothy Stoker

Mike Crew !

Oliver Banks

Michael Shelley

Gerard Keay

Three disclaimers – (i) The TMA timeline is a trainwreck. Many assumptions have been made. At least half of them are probably wrong (especially where University is used as an age marker) and also my maths ability sucks because I haven’t done maths in two years, so where there are glaring issues, so feel free to correct me and I will edit accordingly :’) (ii) This is by no means definite. See above. Honestly, attempting to decipher them feels like trying to understand the Spiral. But I’m doing it anyway, because as both a fanfic writer and an academic, I want to at least try. (iii) SPOILER WARNING!! SO MANY SPOILERS! I think the only seaosn that isn't spoiled is maybeeee S5 ???

With that, let's go! [Ages are approximate & as-of 2016 / S1]

Jonathan Sims Age: 28 Birth year: 1987-1988 There seems to be a general consensus on this one. MAG81 appears to be one of the key clues here – ‘Jon says that he was about 8 during the events of the statement and that it happened a year or two after Leitner's library ended, which was in 1994. So he's born around 1987-88.’ [source: reddit]Of note is the fact that he lied about his age and pretended to be older, which is hilarious, and leads me to believe that he’s the youngest of the Archives crew – or at least, near there.

Martin Blackwood Age: 28-ish Birth year: 1988 Has worked for the Institute since at least 2009. He’s lied about having a Master’s in parapsychology, so is likely old enough to feasibly be able to have one. As all institute staff have to at least have a Master’s in something archive-related (iirc), all of them must hence be at least 22/23, assuming the Master’s courses are 1 year long. Jonny has, however, stated that Martin is either a bit older or a bit younger than Jon, and I’m tempted to believe it’s the former (see above).

Sasha James Age: 28-34, 30-ish? Birth year: 1981-1987 There’s like, nothing on Sasha. I’m assuming she’s at least older than Jon, because that might be why he began faking his age. The only possible marker would be that Sasha’s worked in Artefact Storage (for 3 months), Research (for longer, I assume) and long enough in Archives to be considered as Gertrude’s likely successor. So, definitely more qualified, and also older than Jon.

Timothy Stoker Age: 30-ish Birth year: 1986? Tim has a degree in Anthropology from Trinity College (I assume this to be Oxbridge, rather than Ireland or something, since he resides in London), and spent 5 years working at a publishing firm. This puts him at 26 (18+3+5) in 2013 when Danny was taken. As he says he began working for the Institute shortly after, I would assume that this is when he stopped working for the firm. I’ve added a bit of buffer because nobody’s birthdays are given, ever, and also there might have been a bit of time between leaving university and joining the firm and/or leaving the firm and finding the Institute. So – 30.

Okay that’s the core staff, onto my other favs.

Michael 'Mike' Crew Age: 37-ish Birth year: ~1979 My #1 avatar! I did a double-take after I worked out his entire timeline, but here’s the highlights: He was a uni student during late 1997-early 1998 when he went looking for Ex Altiora in Lion Books. I’m assuming he was a first year, because generally uni students stay in the sameish area for the whole course and I don’t see him missing out on an opportunity to Leitner-hunt just because the store was in a slightly out-of-the-way part of town. So! This puts his birthdate at around 1979-1980.

Oliver Banks Age: 28-ish Birth year: ~1987 Oliver Banks’ timeline during & post-Uni makes NO SENSE. Fortunately, we do know that he moved to London around 2005 to do his undergraduate degree at the London School of Economics. Which puts him at around 18 in 2005, and his birth year can be worked out from there. Quick rant about Oliver’s timeline: Oliver is working at Barclays by 2007, and he was recruited after graduating. Which means he both began and subsequently completed his undergraduate degree between 2005 and 2007. That’s literally impossible for a standard 3 year course. Plus, by around 2007, he’s been working for nearly a year at Barclays, so he started in 2006… so apparently he began his degree and completed it in under a year, since the academic year starts in September??

Michael Shelley / Michael the Distortion Age: 31 / 49 / early 50s (but canonically 92 at all points in the timeline) Birth year: ??? I didn’t do the research on this one, so here’s my source because I don’t think there’s any more I can add.This mess is truly Spiral-worthy, which could have been intended, but also may just be the TMA timeline wonkiness at work. There’s also been some speculation that he was hired at even younger than 18, but equally it’s possible that he was hired older, which puts his age squarely into the [I don’t have a fucking clue] range.

Gerard Keay Age: technically 32 Birth year: ~1984 Gerry was born in the 80s, and given that the above source states he was in his ‘late teens’ in 2002, this tracks. Making the assumption that he’s 18 in 2002, I’m going to place his birth year at around 1984. However, he died in 2014 (I’m assuming late-2014, given that he had time to encounter Leitner in London & travel a bit with Gertrude before his death) in the USA, putting him at around 30 at the age of his death. Since he’s dead, he doesn’t really age, but he is ‘aware’ enough to be in existential pain so I’m going to go with Descartes on this one and say he’s ‘alive’ enough to continue counting his years of existence. Poor guy. Doesn’t even get to actually die til August 2017 either.

Part 2 ft. the 4 Grandpas of the Apocalypse here

[zenkindoflove]

47… for Elucien!!

Answering two with this because they were very close in theme.

45/47... out of anger/out of spite.

Elain covertly listened to her sisters giggling and chatting in the next room. It was unusual for them, but ever since Nesta started planning her mating ceremony, she and Feyre were thick as thieves. The mated sisters. Well… the happy ones at least. After one particularly long round of cackling, Elain decided she had had enough and wanted to know what was so funny. She stood up from the sofa, crossing the threshold, and entering the library.

“Oh gods, and the chafing. Make sure you pack plenty of that salve Madja makes,” Feyre said, neither sister noticing Elain had walked into the room.

“Chafing for what?” Elain asked.

Nesta and Feyre both covered their mouths but couldn’t contain the laughter that spilled out. They didn’t even bother answering her. Instead they laughed uncontrollably until tears streamed out of their eyes.

“Can anyone explain to me what is going on?” Elain crossed her arms, her annoyance building quickly.

“It’s nothing,” Feyre shook her head, gasping for air. She peeked over at Nyx who was still fast asleep in his rocker, used to loud noises already.

“Yeah, it’s not really your thing, Elain,” Nesta clarified.

Anger bubbled inside of her. “What does that mean? Not my thing?”

Feyre and Nesta exchanged exasperated looks. Nesta, never one to soften her words, finally broke it down.

“We are talking about the frenzy. You know, after I officially accept the bond with Cassian. We figured given that you don’t even like your mate, and you’re such a prude about sex, you wouldn’t want to know.”

“I never said I didn’t like Lucien,” Elain quickly countered, surprised that she was even admitting to it. It was true. The entire mating bond dilemma was a sore subject for her. She tried her best not to think about it or what it meant for her future. But even if she wasn’t ready to face that huge decision, it had never been about Lucien as a person or how attractive he was. In fact, how attractive Elain found him was half of the problem she had with the bond. She felt too much for someone she didn’t even know, and it made her nervous.

“Please,” Nesta scoffed. “You treat him like he has some kind of disease.”

Her gut twisted, and she balled her fists at her sides, “Shut up, Nesta. You were even crueler to Cassian before they made you live with him.”

Nesta rolled her eyes as Feyre bounced her gaze between the two.

“You’re still a prude,” Nesta reminded her. “So yeah, unless you wanna hear about all of the positions I’m going to have Cassian fuck me in, I’m going to assume that we were correct to not include you.”

Elain laughed viciously, and both Nesta and Feyre widened their eyes. “That’s so typical. From both of you. You have always made assumptions about the things I care about or what I can and can’t handle.”

“Well, are we wrong, baby ears?” Nesta challenged.

Yes! Elain wanted to scream. She wanted to tell both her sisters exactly where they could shove it. She wanted to stomp her feet and yell about all the times they made assumptions and left her out of important matters. Or stifled their words whenever she was around. Or made decisions for her without even consulting her. So many angry, resentful words were waiting at the tip of her tongue. But she knew words wouldn’t do. They would never respect her until they could see.

So, Elain decided in that very moment to commit to maybe the most impulsive, life altering decision of her life.

“Yes, you are wrong. And I’ll show you,” she announced, quickly turning around and exiting the library.

Nesta and Feyre didn’t take long to follow. She met them in the hallway as she exited the kitchen, carrying a cookie she had made earlier that afternoon.

“What is that for?” Feyre asked warily, her eyes widening in fear.

“I’m going to give it to Lucien,” Elain said, walking up the stairs with determination holding her spine straight. She was headed right for Rhys’ study where Lucien was delivering his biweekly report back.

“Are you insane?” Nesta demanded. “Elain, we were just kidding. This is ridiculous! You made your point.”

Elain ignored them, turning the corner and walking straight to Rhys’ study door. She didn’t knock. Instead, she barged in, finding Rhys at his desk, Azriel leaning against the bookshelf, and Lucien lounging on the sofa, his legs spread wide, and his arm thrown over the back of the seat.

“Can I help you, Elain?” Rhys asked, as Nesta and Feyre scurried behind her.

Elain ignored his question and marched straight to where Lucien sat as he stared at her, perplexed. When she stopped at his feet, she held out the cookie to him.

“Eat this.”

She heard his heart rate speed up as he widened his mismatched eyes at the cookie. She could even hear a faint whirring from his metal eye. The rest of the room stared at them, completely shocked.

“Elain, we’re sorry!” Feyre called out. “We didn’t mean it, okay?”

“What is going on here?” Rhys asked her, incredulity darkening his tone.

Lucien only stared back into Elain’s eyes. She refused to look away.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and she could see that each of his muscles were pulled taut.

“Yes,” she answered, and she even surprised herself by how much she meant it. She wasn’t sure how it worked, but she tried to open her end of the bond, hoping that Lucien would be able to feel her confidence in this decision.

Lucien grabbed the cookie and shoved the entire thing into his mouth. Gasps ricocheted through the room as Lucien chewed and swallowed in record time.

Lucien shot up from his seat, immediately removing his jacket.

“We need to leave,” Rhys’ voice darkened in warning. “Now.”

The others exchanged fearful glances as Rhys rose from his desk, pushing Azriel with his hands to try and direct them out of the room. Nesta and Feyre froze, staring at Elain and Lucien.

Elain’s heart raced, in time with Lucien’s, as he stood centimeters away from her, his breathing frantic. Elain could feel a change in her body. She had always wanted Lucien, fantasies of their bodies entwined never far from her mind. But now… now it was as if every nerve ending had been set on fire, and the only way she wouldn’t burn alive is if she felt him inside of her… right now.

Lucien lifted her into his arms, carrying her over to Rhys’ desk as Nesta and Feyre yelped, quickly turning around to rush out of the office. He cleared Rhys’ desk in one sweep before dropping her on top and pushing his body between her legs. As she pulled him down aggressively by the back of his head, sealing her lips to his, she heard from the other side of the door, “Why does it have to be in my study?”

Kiss prompts.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

I am autistic. You would think that would make working in the heavily regulated and rigidly ruled field of being a lab scientist would be a great fit for me because of that. But it turns out it’s actually just infuriating beyond belief. Non-autistic people have no idea how to communicate, and apparently find joy in making everything unclear. I’m well aware of that from conversations and such, but I had foolishly assumed that it would be different for scientific lab work. When someone sends me their request for me to run tests on their experimental drug product, I would expect that they would provide clear details on what they want me to do. This was of course an incorrect assumption. And then when I reach out to them as ask if they could clarify what they mean, I assumed they could, oh I don’t know, tell me what they want me to do?!???!?

Apparently non-autistic people enjoy communicating by sending each other conflicting information and then being unable to answer when asked for clarity. I guess they probably like how when, I guess one of the many options of things I could do that fit their vague “instructions”, they then get the opportunity to tell me how foolish I was for doing it incorrectly. I cannot read minds, especially not ones as apparently labyrinthian as theirs.

And then when they are unable to clarify to me what I need to know via the extremely convenient communication method of text-based messages, they decide we need to schedule a meeting to “discuss”. Great. Now my entire day’s schedule is ruined. And now I have to meet with these people so they can be unclear on what they want verbally and we have to repeat ourselves at each other for an hour until I can somehow convince them to tell me what they fucking want. And then hope that I can actually process the sound properly and keep it in my memory in the time between it entering my ears and my pen moving on the page, because there’s no goddamn record of a conversation I can reference later and if I get a detail wrong I have to start the process all over again when I realize something is unclear.

And if I get an actual answer to the question, I will of course ask if they can verify that is what they meant, a simple yes or other word of affirmation to tell me that they did not misspeak or mistype or just to reassure me in some way that they wont have an excuse to change their mind later and say I interpreted it wrong. This seems like the most simple and reasonable request, but they really don’t seem to like it. I simply repeat what they said, and ask if that is correct, and for some of them that’s apparently a sin. I ask “oh that’s what you want me to do? Can we do that?” And expect a “yes” in response, instead they tell me to see the message I’m asking for their affirmation on. That’s not a yes! That’s not an answer to my question! I now have to go on with uncertainty in my feeble human mind because it’s apparently way too fucking hard to say yes. Fuck off

I need the whole world to be autistic. I’d rather endure 1 million heated debates over which way is the optimal way to format something argued by people who are so stubbornly stuck in their ways that the heat death of the universe will happen before they cede their ground, than have to deal with these non-autistics and their guessing games for the rest of my life. I can’t fucking do this shit. Why are you even requesting testing from me if you don’t even know what you want tested and how, why are you like this?!?????

[blue-jisungs]

the cat guy from 143

au. non!idol lino, neighbour-strangers to ???

a/n. i love my cats. i love cats in general. cats.

not proof-read!! bc i am lazy!!

when minho was coming back from his trip to the convenience store he did not expect rain. it was sunny before he left. and certainly he did not expect, on a tuesday morning, to see someone squatting in the middle of the sidewalk. crying.

as he gets closer, he’s thinking what to do. he could just walk by. but he feels bad, he can’t do that.

so he stops in front of this person, gulping.

“excuse me?”

this certain someone happens to seem familiar… his brows furrow.

“sorry” you sniff, unable to control how your body shakes.

“are you okay?” minho asks, trying to recall where he has seen your face. speaking of which; it scrunches in sadness, tears forming at your waterline. he barely sees them due to the rain. you shake your head as a no, body shaking again. he’s starting to think it’s not only because of your crying but also because of the fact that you’re in a t-shirt and you’re soaking wet.

minho crouches and curses mentally that he didn’t bring an umbrella with him.

“what happened?” he asks softly and immediately regrets it when you start crying even more, harsh sobs escaping your lips “hey…”

“my cat has gone missing” you sniff and his heart clenches with pain. as a father of three he’s afraid to even think about something like that happening “he’s an asshole sometimes but he never ran away…”

“i’m sorry, i truly am. i can help you look for him, okay? but let’s get somewhere where it isn’t raining, hm?” minho coos and you look at him, pout on your lips.

“you will?” you ask, hope sparkling in your eyes. he nods, soft smile on his lips.

“i will. should we go to your place? you know, your neighbourhood should be the first place to look around” minho says and stands up, helping you as well. and then a lightbulb lights up in his head. you’re his neighbour.

“mhm. that’s smart. i live just around the corner” you nod and he a warm smile ghosts on his lips. he silently followed you to your place.

and his assumptions were proved correct when you opened the door that were… literally on the other side of his place. but he didn’t say anything.

“do you want something warm to drink? you must be freezing” you sighed softly, feeling the soreness from crouching for so long. minho scoffed.

“me? freezing? i’d worry about yourself. you were shivering all the way here” he shook his head, putting his groceries bag on a floor “let me do it for you. i assume we have a similar layout of apartment–”

“what?” you breath out, the situation you were in suddenly hitting you like a train. you let a - strangely familiar looking - stranger into your house and now he’s telling you that–

“i live across the hall” he smiled softly and you let out a gasp

“you’re the cute guy from 143–?” your eyes widened when you let too much slip and quickly corrected yourself “i mean cat guy?!”

“indeed. a father of 3” your neighbour nodded proudly. so hopefully he didn’t notice, to your luck “and i’m minho, by the way. i don’t think i introduced myself”

“oh, right! y/n” you grinned and minho was relieved to noticed that you calmed down a little.

“i’ll make you some tea and we can go look for your cat” minho said and suddenly you heard a loud meow. you two looked at each other in surprise, blinking slowly “do you leave your windows open?”

“no…” you frowned and stood up, going to your bedroom. but a sudden wave of cold air hit you and you realised that, in fact, your window was opened “oh”

“hm?” minho hummed from kitchen and you let out a gasp.

“i uh…” you swooped the orange cat into your arms and it purred, nuzzling its head against your skin. you stepped back to the kitchen “it’s not my cat”

minho turned his head and dropped a tea spoon he was holding.

“soonie?” he murmured and walked up to you, the cat not really… caring about him.

“oh, this little guy is yours? where’s my cat though…” you sighed, scratching the orange’s cat head

“it’s a girl, actually” minho hummed and suddenly froze “and yours?”

“oh, arnold schwarzenegger is a boy” you grinned and started laughing at his puzzled expression. then he frowned and left your place, leaving the door open. minho opened the door from his place and you followed him.

“one, two, three… four?” he scoffed upon seeing a grey cat on his couch, playing with dori.

soonie purred and escaped your arms, walking up to the two playing cats. dongie watched them suspiciously.

“well, i’m guessing we left our windows open and they became friends! this is so cute” you smiled, crouching down. arnold run up to you, purring happily.

“it is as long as you me cat is castrated” he grunted and you nodded.

“he sure is. sorry buddy” you giggled and patted his head. then you swooped arnold into your arms, looking at minho hesitantl “well, i’ll keep going then… but thank you. i really appreciate it”

minho nodded. just when you were about to leave and close the door, he put his foot between it and the doorframe. you turned around, surprised.

“you know, since they became friends… we can too” he smiled softly, scratching his neck “you’re pretty cute as well”

your eyes widened. oh. so he heard it.

“uhm, yeah! sure!” you snapped back, trying to hold yourself together “i feel like arnold likes being around dori, yeah. we can definitely hang out. you know, so they… can too…”

minho scoffed at your awkwardness.

“well, you know the address already” and with a wink, he closed the door, leaving you speechless in the middle of the hall.

“meow!!” arnold nudged your arm.

“shut up” you rolled your eyes and came back into your apartment, a wide grin on your face.

[ masterlist <3 ]

taglist. @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinhobi ,, @jung0ne ,, @ka-ni-ma ,, @iliveforlixie ,, @moonacholy ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @stcrlcst

[apatura-ires]

Listen. I am not a Souvieshu fan, but I am a Souvieshu truther, in the sense that I hate how people misinterpret his character. People in this fandom seem to genuinely think Souvieshu is a guy who will chase any pretty woman, or that he’s a creep who specifically wants women who are childish, and easy to control, but like. Neither of these are true? (Souvieshu is still absolutely a creepy weirdo but like. In a different way. I’m sick of fans using the word pedophilic to describe Souvieshu, because it’s not even fucking correct in application to him, even when used as a short hand for when someone likes childish, sheltered and innocent people. Like this is a side note but you people have got to stop throwing that fucking word around.)

Souvieshu doesn’t want just any pretty woman. He specifically has only ever, truthfully and genuinely loved Navier, even if that love has become warped, and that’s a fact. Rashta is his side piece, yes, but it’s clear that Rashta is just some girl that he’s infatuated with, to fulfill his emotional needs, and eventually, for his political ones as well. He was never in love with her. It’s always been obvious that Souvieshu craved Navier’s affection, and that he has been wanting to try and not only make her happy, but rekindle their bond.

Please take note that:

1. Souvieshu knows Navier puts on a mask for people. These two used to be super close, and that likely carried on a bit into their marriage. But eventually, Navier starts putting up walls, and eventually, she starts doing it to him. There could be plenty of reasons for this, but it doesn’t matter, because they both seemed to have mutually drifted apart. Souvieshu is shown actively trying to get past her facade, although, he does so poorly, because he comes at her with a sense of entitlement most of the time.

2. Souvieshu likes Rashta, because Rashta gives him what he craves from Navier; which is to say, Rashta gives him affection, is expressive, has easygoing and light hearted conversations with him, and is able to speak honestly with him. Things that he and Navier used to be able to do with one another. His literal first observation of Rashta, is that she’s easily pleased and excited over small things, which is directly paralleled to a later chapter, where Souvieshu and Navier dine together on her birthday. Souvieshu asks Navier to smile, to which, she complies and gives him a fake one, and Souvieshu then asks her to be sincere about it. Navier makes a comment about needing to be actually happy to do that, so Souvieshu tries to make her happy by giving her a gift. This doesn’t go well with Navier, and like most of their arguments, Souvieshu ends up wishing that Navier could just be more expressive in a sincere, non-petty manner. He is always asking Navier to drop her mask with him. With Rashta, Souvieshu didn’t initially have to dig past a mask to know how she felt. Souvieshu liked her honesty and openness, and while he considered her innocence and childish nature part of her charm, it’s also implied that those traits are traits he could only handle when he was in the mood for it. It’s not actually something he likes, and we see further along the story that her childishness begins to grate on him. Furthermore, there’s a point in the story where he becomes sick, and he mentions that Rashta is not a calming presence, but Navier is.

3. This is the big one (and also me just making observations and assumptions), but both Souvieshu and Navier didn’t know that they loved each other. This is a big one for Souvieshu specifically, because he never assumed that Navier loved him, the way he loved her. I’m sure that’s probably one of the big reasons why he took Rashta in as his consort— and it’s because he sincerely thought Navier wouldn’t care beyond it being a possible image issue, and he genuinely thought that it wouldn’t hurt her. It’s actually Navier who is frequently bringing up that their marriage is one of convenience in her inner monologues— although I don’t doubt that she’s actually brought it up before as well, which probably wouldn’t help his assumptions that Navier wouldn’t be hurt if he brought a consort in.

Do you know why, it’s so upsetting to see Souvieshu mischaracterized? It’s because (outside of how people just slap on whatever term they think is fitting of him) Souvieshu’s side of the story is just as important as Navier’s when it comes to the intensity of the tragedy, that is their lost friendship and love. The gut wrenching heartbreak here, isn’t just from Navier being effectively cheated on, but it’s the fact that they both loved each other, and that all of this heartbreak could have been avoided if they both sincerely talked to each other without any hidden motives. Souvieshu didn’t seem like a bad guy before he took Rashta as his consort. As a matter of fact, I’m fairly certain that if Navier and Souvieshu had patched their relationship, and even confessed to one another, that Souvieshu would have brought Rashta in as a servant—possibly even asking Navier to make her a lady in waiting. Souvieshu wouldn’t have been so emotionally deprived to want Rashta, Navier wouldn’t have had reasons (that she couldn’t get past) to hate Rashta, and Rashta wouldn’t have had a reason to hate Navier.

And to be clear and reiterate, I do not like Souvieshu as a person. He’s a possessive, hypocritical freak, who didn’t take the time to actually get to know Navier again, and was almost always the instigator in their arguments. His love for Navier has warped and changed, and even if it’s ‘genuine’ in the sense that he sincerely loves her, it’s still not healthy. I am not an apologist, I just think he’s an interesting character. His character being misinterpreted, dilutes the tragedy of his relationship with Navier, full stop, and that is what frustrates me.

[waitmyturtles]

Pain, Trust, and Separation in Some Asian Dramas (The Second Post In a Series of Utterly Un-scholastic, Highly Personal Big Meta)......

AKA, Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: The Bad Buddy Rewatch Edition, Part 2 -- How Themes of Pain, Trust, and Separation Create Structure and Narrative in Bad Buddy and Other Asian BLs

[The following is a preamble I use for my Old GMMTV Challenge posts, here we go! What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far.Today, I offer the second of four posts on Bad Buddy, and the second in a Big Meta series on pain in some Asian dramas, including QLs and/or het romances. I'll look today at how ideas of pain in love, trust in love, and separation of partners/family members creates narrative drive in Bad Buddy and other Asian BLs. THIS IS A LONG POST, caveat emptor.]

Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4

Well, after a lot of titles and a chewy preamble (thank you for getting through that, y'all!), I'm here to say that I'm combining my two ongoing meta series into one big ol' post here that I've been dying to write for months. In the course of my watching the shows on the Thailand-based Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist, as well as watching shows from my BL gateway of Japan, I've noticed that the themes of pain and trust in love, along with voluntary or involuntary separation, have been used to create dramatic and narrative structure within Asian dramatic stories to many emotional effects.

I'm celebrating the incredible Thai BL drama that is Bad Buddy in my OGMMTVC series at the moment, and within my Big Meta series on pain in Asian dramas, I examine how themes of pain so very often harken back to artistic, and even traditional, viewpoints of how pain, suffering, and melancholy are natural cultural assumptions within many collectivist Asian societies. In my first Big Meta on pain and suffering in Asian dramas, I wrote that "accepting pain and suffering is a part of the life we decide to live, from an Asian cultural perspective." Suffering is a naturally assumed part of life, a very distinct and identified part of a Buddhist's lived life, and even outside of Buddhism, accepting and living with difficulties of all kinds -- wealth disparities, the struggle for a good education and/or a successful career, the struggle to conform to collectivist familial and/or social expectations, etc. -- are extremely common themes that are unwound on in Asian lives on a minute-to-minute basis. The idea that an Asian must live with pain is often a root of intergenerational trauma, passed along from generation to generation of Asian children-to-adults. The social mores by which Asians are raised and live, to assume what Westerners might call a lack of unconditional parental love and affection, are certainly in part rooted in an assumption that living with pain and without the, say, luxury of turning over one's emotions at any given moment, are an automatic given.

As I've plodded through the OGMMTVC watchlist, I noticed very often that separation of people -- whether those people are lovers, children/parents, or simply just adults within a group -- is often a major narrative turning point in the course of a dramatized relationship. Of course it would be; it's a common trope within the romance genre, for instance.

But I find the separation of people otherwise connected to each other -- and the assumed pain of that separation, and the trust that people may have to return to each other -- particularly fascinating within the realm of Asian dramas, for reasons relating to the assumption of pain and suffering in one's life within Asian cultures that I mentioned above. In other words, the pain of separation, and the trust that one might have that one person will come back to another person -- are givens within the scope of Asian life.

In the following dramas, I note that separation is either a central storytelling point, or is a central focus of side characters:

1) The Thai filmmaker, Aof Noppharnach, has explored separation of people/lovers in many of his shows, including Still 2gether, A Tale of Thousand Stars (in multiple forms), and in Bad Buddy (also in multiple forms, romantic and/or familial).

2) Also from Thailand, Until We Meet Again and I Promised You The Moon are two non-GMMTV dramas in which separation of lovers plays an important concluding narrative role.

3) From Japan, the movie version of Cherry Magic: 30 Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! captures an important central narrative of separation that leads the franchise's two protagonists, Adachi and Kurosawa, to explore depth in honesty and intimacy that they may not have otherwise achieved in their everyday lives.

The painful separation that occurs in Aof Noppharnach's shows is most often related to the outside forces of life as it needs to be lived -- very often economically -- within or external to Thailand. In Bad Buddy, Pran leaves for Singapore for two years. I'm going to unwind much more on Pran leaving for Singapore in the final installment of my Bad Buddy OGMMTVC meta series, particularly by way of how he can do it, emotionally. But I want to offer a quick note about Pran's departure that the show gives a hint to (despite the pain that we feel in our hearts for Pat's loneliness from Pran, as depicted so beautifully by Ohm Pawat and his silent and longing existence as Pat in the first half of the Bad Buddy series finale). The BBS finale has Pran stating that he'll only be away for two years, and that the pay and the opportunity for an excellent architecture job were better in Singapore. In conversation with the fabulous Thai blogger, @recentadultburnout, RAB mentioned that this is a common occurrence among young Thais -- to move overseas for better job opportunities.

In spite of my heart breaking a bit for Pran being away from Pat when I first learned about his leaving for Singapore -- when RAB put Pran's departure in that context, I had to slap my cheek a bit. Because! I'm a child of Asian immigrants. Separation from family for better economic opportunities is a HUGE part of our paradigm of life between continents. As my Asia-based uncle, my mother's brother, once put it, in regards to my mother: "one of the children in our families always had to move away." For my mother's family, it was my mom who shipped off. Besides individuals seeking better economic opportunities for themselves, the economies of many Asian countries are dependent on the reception of remittances from overseas family members sending money back to their home countries, as my mom did for years; the Philippines is particularly notable for having a nearly 9% contribution from overseas remittances to its gross domestic product. In other words? The separation of loved ones is literally built into the financial frameworks of many Asian nations.

The separation of children or partners to overseas locales for the sake of better salaries and/or opportunities is simply a more assumed part of the cultural paradigm, I'd argue, in Asia than in the West. Family separations for jobs are extremely common in Asia; in the West, I'm not sure they are as assumed, especially for extensive separations, as the value placed on keeping a family unit together for cultural or spiritual reasons seems to be more a part of the Western fabric of life (despite our high rate of divorce).

We see an even more permanent economic separation happen in Still 2gether between two side characters -- Type, played by Toptap Jirakit, who is Tine's (Win Metawin) brother, and Man (Mike Chinnarat), who is Sarawat's (Bright Vachiwarit) friend. Man chased after Type during the first 2gether season; in Still 2gether, they're navigating their committed relationship, as Type contemplates, then accepts, a permanent job offer in Phuket, hours away from their home base in Bangkok.

As @lurkingshan put it, I might be the only person on the planet contemplating Type's and Man's relationship (lmao, it do be true), but I found Type's last conversation with Man, on the beach, to be particularly direct and moving for someone who has no immediate plans to move back to the side of the person he's dating.

I think about this scene against the structure of the short series that is Still 2gether, which is centered around the protagonists of Sarawat and Tine being temporarily separated as they prepare to compete in a university-wide tournament. Sarawat has the most lovely contemplation on love during this separation, and even Aof Noppharnach himself admits that the glance that Sarawat and Tine give to each other as they pass each other in the lead-up to the ultimate tournament is his favorite scene he's ever filmed (!!!) (and that scene is sooooo reminiscent of Pran's and Pat's pinky-hold after their public "break-up").

In other words: Still 2gether is ALL about separation, and contemplating the strength of love relationships in the face of those separations. While Sarawat and Tine will get back together, after that tournament -- Type and Man are separated for the foreseeable future. There is no end indicated to the patience that Type wants from Man. The conversation is just, THERE, and hanging -- there's an acknowledgment that long-distance relationships are tough, but Type isn't offering to quit his job and move back to Bangkok. Instead, Type and Man are left to accept the reality that there is no end in sight to their separation.

And I think this was incredibly bold of Aof Noppharnach to include in a GMMTV BL that otherwise ended happily for Tine and Sarawat, the main protagonists. What I admire about Aof's works are these sly inclusions of open-ended, sometimes melancholy non-resolutions, either for his main or his support characters, that leave us as viewers often slightly unsatisfied or unfulfilled. He did this in particular with the character of Aof in Gay OK Bangkok, a web series that he screenwrote in 2016; and many might say that Pran being away in Singapore is also not the most satisfying of endings for our beloved PatPran in Bad Buddy. To me, these decisions to do this artistically are just incredibly reminiscent, again, of the kind of pain that we as Asians have been culturally attuned to accept, for the sake of economics, and/or for the sake of the betterment of our loved ones.

Besides economic separations in Aof Noppharnach's works, we also have separations related to family demands and desires. In A Tale of Thousand Stars and Our Skyy 2 x A Tale of Thousand Stars, we see Tian leaving Phupha's side for two years to study for a graduate degree at Tian's mom's insistence; and we see Phupha refusing to join Tian, after Tian has graduated and moved back to Pha Pun Dao, on trips Tian takes back to Bangkok to celebrate his birthday with his parents.

When I rewatched ATOTS earlier this year, I noted that both Phupha and Tian were remarkably bad communicators throughout the original series -- and I posited that, in large part, their terrible communication was borne out by way of the both of them being raised in traditionally masculine Asian households that seemed to not allow for leeway regarding emotional revelations. BOTH Phupha and Tian were expected and intended to follow in the footsteps and demands of their family members. To the end of the ATOTS storyline in Our Skyy 2, Phupha brings up his parents -- and he hears what he has been wanting to confirm from Tian's parents, in their desire to have Phupha take care of Tian for the rest of their lives.

Phupha in particular needed to have multiple gateways opened to him, vis à vis Tian's family, in order to properly and openly confirm his permanent love and commitment to Tian. If Phupha didn't have that? He was willing to be separated from Tian, either temporarily, or at length. Phupha needed a kind of culturally accepting door opened to him -- as a man raised in what we assume to be a rural and traditional environment that may very well have not allowed for a gay man to live openly and honestly. Phupha indeed follows in his father's footsteps, to the extent of never leaving Pha Pun Dao, and demanded that he have Tian's family's approval before making the final commitment to Tian to love Tian forever.

I find the cultural nuances of nuclear family separation, or separation encouraged by nuclear family, to be particularly heartbreaking in many of Aof Noppharnach's works. We know that Jim and Jam, brother and sister in Moonlight Chicken, ran away from their Isan hometown as youths to find their lives in Pattaya, where we meet them in the context of that show. But separation either from nuclear family, or more impactfully, done by nuclear family, is most evident in Bad Buddy.

Besides Pran voluntarily leaving for Singapore, we know that Pran has been involuntarily separated from Pat before -- when Pran was transferred to a boarding school in 10th grade by his mother, Dissaya. Before that transfer, Pran and Pat were technically "separated" by their parents in so far as they were not supposed to become friends -- all while competing heavily against each other in every category of life.

That boarding school transfer? That wasn't just separating Pran from Pat. What I found remarkable about that separation during my recent BBS rewatches is that Dissaya HERSELF chose to be physically separated from her own son, for the sake of her rivalry with Pat's father, Ming.

I'm thinking about this particularly from the words she used with Pran as they sat at breakfast together before Pran started his second year at university, when Dissaya said that Pran could date anyone, men or women, as long as he "didn't date [the next door kid]."

My interpretation of that perspective is that Dissaya did not want Pran to relieve the heartbreak that she herself experienced when she was close with Ming in her teenage years.

In other words: she chose to send her son away in the face of her ongoing, lifelong fear that Ming and his family would once again wreak havoc on her and her clan.

In the continuation of the intergenerational trauma wrought upon Pat and Pran by their parents -- as a mother myself, this seems to be particularly egregious. Dissaya would have rather had her son AWAY FROM HER, than to contemplate her son even being WITHIN physical proximity to Pat in the context of her hatred of Pat's father, Ming, and the fear that she had that the Jindapats would negatively influence the Siridechawats again.

(The wonderful @telomeke reminded me, in conversation on this topic, that the first question Dissaya asks Pran, after learning about the first faculty fight in episode 1 when Pran re-encounters Pat for the very first time, was, "Did he hurt you, Pran?" Dissaya cannot bear to allow the Jindapats to hurt her son, or her family, ever again.)

I wrote in my first Big Meta on pain and suffering that Asian parenting expectations and mores are far more conditional than they are in the West, as parenting mores in the West are centered around unquestioned and unconditional love from parents to children. So much of Bad Buddy meta out there focuses on the internal experiences of Pran and Pat. When I sat back to think about Dissaya making the decision for herself to be separated from her son for years -- and then to also contemplate pulling Pran FROM COLLEGE when she learns that Pat goes to Pran's university -- I mean. We know Dissaya and Ming both tried their best to embody their hatred of each other into their children. But Dissaya takes it a couple steps further, by attempting to literally control Pran's physical existence vis à vis Pat, which -- and I'm going to sound like a judgmental Westerner here, even as an Asian -- strikes me as out of line by way of just pure emotional projection onto one's children.

When Pran goes to Singapore, at the end of the series, it's out of his own volition. Again, I'll write more about this at the end of my BBS OGMMTVC meta series. But what he experienced by ways of many TYPES of separation from Pat throughout his life -- competitively, emotionally, and then physically -- are extensive. He was physically separated from Pat by Dissaya. He was theoretically "separated" from Pat emotionally, by being discouraged in having a friendship with Pat. He is physically separated from Pat *again* when he goes to Singapore. And I posit later in this piece that Pat and Pran had another theoretical "separation" when they are pretending to be broken up throughout the course of their relationship.

When I think about what teenage Pran must have felt to be *physically sent away* -- BY and FROM his own family, for their sake of his family's desires to avoid ANOTHER family -- it explains a hell of a lot more about Pran's tendency to dissociate, particularly during stressful times. (We see this when he's alone at the demolished bus stop, and cutely in Our Skyy 2, as Pat encourages a grumpy Pran to go to Pha Pun Dao.)

And where Pat balanced Pran out -- where Pat could offer the kind of companionship, and relaxed and equitable communication that Pran had never had with his family -- was where Pran could finally experience truly open and SAFE love from and with another person, another person who wouldn't *send him away* if Pran didn't play by their rules. Instead, Pat fought by Pran's side, and Pran was willing to fight, too, and they remained together, and safe in their love and trust.

Whew. Dissaya separating Pran from his own family, from herself -- to leave him alone at boarding school -- seriously punches me in the gut, especially as a mother myself. I'm thinking about a teenager, on the cusp of adulthood, alone to contemplate his unending love for Pat, and I'm like.... I wouldn't leave a kid alone like that for a moment. But for Dissaya, her husband, and their pride? It seemed to be a worthwhile decision in that moment. A decision that we know would blow up in their faces in episode 10 of Bad Buddy.

In Pran's first separation from Pat -- Pran did not have personal agency. He did have agency later on, as he moved to Singapore, which again, I'll contemplate in a further meta.

Two instances where I was impressed by protagonists leveraging their agency vis à vis temporary separations from their partners was in Until We Meet Again and in I Promised You The Moon.

UWMA's Pharm was first and foremost presented as a blushing maiden. HOWEVER: Pharm demonstrated quite a bit of sexual agency early in the series. He was forward in his crush on Dean. He contemplated openly being gay. And he wasn't afraid to push Dean away when Dean was moving too fast sexually.

At the end of the series, after Dean and Pharm have resolved their spiritual connection vis à vis the embodied spirits of Korn and Intouch meeting once more -- Pharm wants to know if the love between him and Dean is real, and independent of the influence of the spirits of Korn and Intouch. So: Pharm asks for a break.

Throughout UWMA, Dean is the obvious seme, and Pharm is the blushing uke. I squealed in DELIGHT when I first watched Pharm asking for the break. Yes, Pharm loved Dean -- and what I saw in Pharm's asking for a temporary separation was truly out of that love, to confirm between the both of them that their relationship was very much indeed a forever relationship. God, I get chills thinking about it: Pharm was safe enough in his sphere with Dean to ask for and to GET the agency-driven space that HE NEEDED to feel fully confident in the relationship. That was a risky move that paid off for the two guys in dividends in the end. Dean had no choice but to say yes there.

The fabulous Oh-aew in I Promised You The Moon goes even further than Pharm. He fucking breaks up with Teh! After Teh cheated on Oh-aew! YES, HOMEY, YES! No wibbling on Oh-aew's end. Oh-aew was devastated, yes. But he knew he had to have Teh out of his life in that moment, for the sake of Oh-aew's own happiness, growth, and development. He even rejects Teh's reach-out at the end of their college careers.

What stuck me as so golden about the ending of IPYTM was that that break-up wasn't actually presented as temporary. They were apart for OVER A YEAR (thank you kindly to @shortpplfedup for the temporal fact-check!). Oh-aew held his ground. He needed his time and space. He needed to grow! And he valued that, individually.

I'm celebrating these two instances of agency-driven separations because of the style of their intention vis à vis the protagonists asking for, needing, and leveraging these separations. With the economic and involuntary separations I talked about earlier -- it's like there was a higher need, whether it was for money, a better career opportunity, fear, or selfishness on the part of a family to create the separation.

With Pharm and Oh-aew: the separations they demanded were purely personal and for their own growth. We know now that Pharm and Oh-aew get their endings with their partners. Pharm has a purely happy ending with Dean in Between Us. Oh-aew's ending with Teh is open-ended -- we don't know what chaos Teh will wreak next -- but at least we know they're navigating that chaos together again.

The last drama I wanted to take a look at regarding pain, trust, and separation is the fabulous movie continuation of Cherry Magic: 30 Years of Virginity Will Make You a Wizard?! (I always love writing ?! whenever I talk about Cherry Magic, lol).

The central separation in the movie of the two protagonists, Adachi and Kurosawa, comes about when Adachi is transferred to Nagasaki for work. As @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan can attest to: a Western viewer of Japanese BLs will often find themselves screaming to a screen, "JUST TALK ALREADY!," and a uniquely common aspect of Japanese doramas is that so much of communication in Japanese culture is silent, unsaid, kept internal by collectivist social pressures to not make waves with another person -- which automatically creates ongoing questions of trust between partners. When Adachi (Akaso Eiji) shares with Kurosawa (Machida Keita) that Adachi will be moving, Kurosawa shares in words that he's happy for Adachi, but through very simple body language, communicates that he is feeling otherwise.

Later in the movie, Adachi gets into an accident in Nagasaki, and Kurosawa rushes to be by Adachi's side. Kurosawa is clearly traumatized. And Kurosawa finally reveals his feelings about the entire situation -- a rare display of direct emotional confession.

We think that Adachi moved to Nagasaki for this job opportunity -- separating himself from the incredibly devoted and head-over-heels-in-love-with-Adachi Kurosawa. Adachi knows well enough that Kurosawa is suffering in this separation. But later in the movie, after Adachi has moved back with Kurosawa, do we learn Adachi's true intentions. Adachi wants to make himself invaluable at work -- so that Adachi's and Kurosawa's shared company will not separate them if the company finds out about their relationship.

This particular conversation between Adachi and Kurosawa -- after their separation, after they've moved in together -- is a huge turning point in the movie for Adachi, who had usually been the reluctant uke in their relationship prior to this moment. In this conversation, Adachi expresses his fear that outside forces will eventually separate them, and he wants to do what he can to ensure the safety of their relationship.

To me, this is incredibly reminiscent of the compromises Pran and Pat make in Bad Buddy to keep their relationship secret -- another theoretical "separation" -- from their parents for the health, safety, and viability of their relationship.

As well, this conversation between Adachi and Kurosawa moves forward into Adachi's desire to come out to their families. He was inspired by the immediate aftermath of the accident, in which Kurosawa was the last person to find out that Adachi had gotten hurt -- only after Adachi's family and company were notified.

The nuances of this separation between Adachi and Kurosawa -- and what the separation LED TO, which was an eventual and permanent commitment between Adachi and Kurosawa -- are incredibly layered. Adachi made an economic separation from Kurosawa. But it was also rooted in his desire to acclimate his company to his company's dependence on Adachi, so that the company would choose Adachi's contribution to the company over the potentially taboo reality of his same-sex relationship with a colleague in Kurosawa. In other words: he wanted to leverage the separation and his work performance upon his return, to render the company no choice in choosing Adachi's economic performance over his personal and private choices.

(One insight into Japanese culture is that for decades, Japanese corporations have wanted their employees to be married, to complete a seamless connection between household and "office" families. The Japanese BL Kinou Nani Tabeta?/What Did You Eat Yesterday? makes reference to the fact that the main protagonist, Shiro, becomes an independent lawyer because, as a gay man, he may have been pressured to take a wife in another, more group-oriented corporate setting.)

AND, following this, Adachi wanted to come out to his and Kurosawa's families, to also acclimate them to their relationship, so that their families would also not threaten the sanctity and safety of their relationship. And his gamble worked -- and their families accepted them, and they were able to make a permanent commitment to each other.

Without a strategically economic separation, Adachi and Kurosawa could not have achieved key moments of communication that led to their ability to find safety in their external environments, and make a personal and private permanent commitment to each other. The separation to Nagasaki was Adachi's lever to move their relationship forward.

It's so nuanced, so layered, and so strategic on Adachi's end, to use the work separation and his commitment to his company as such a motivator to propel his relationship forward and permanently with Kurosawa -- especially vis à vis the unique nuances of spoken and unspoken communication in Japanese society, which are remarkably different than the styles of communication we see in Thai dramas.

In Pran's and Pat's conclusion in the Thailand of Bad Buddy, they go in the opposite direction: for the sanctity and safety of their relationship, they act out a break-up scenario (with Dissaya telling Pran, "come back to your family," ha), and keep their committed relationship a secret. And this happens *two years* before the context of an actual, physical separation when Pran decides to move to Singapore after graduation.

It's a bit of a switcheroo from what we'd expect by way of open vs. closed communication between Japan and Thailand. But both scenarios, from Cherry Magic to Bad Buddy, work brilliantly well to ensure that all relationships are safe and solidified.

I'm not sure that I can say, globally, that separation from one's nuclear family, or separation from a partner, are common occurrences in manifested everyday reality. As I mentioned before, the economies of many countries are dependent on the physical separation of their citizens to other locales to send back monetary remittances. But more often than not -- when partners are partnered, they tend to want to stay by each other's sides.

I love that many Asian dramas do not shy away from the many realities as to why partners or children may be voluntarily or involuntarily separated from loved ones. Our beloved dramas show us the devastation of involuntary separations, as rendered by Dissaya unto Pran. We see that economic separations can actually LEAD to a solidifying of relationships in the case of Adachi and Kurosawa. We see that family-motivated separations, in the cause of Phupha and Tian, simply needed the investment of time for their relationship to reach a point of comfortable commitment. We see that agency-driven separations by Pharm and Oh-aew can lead to emotional clarity. And, we see that theoretical, secret-kept "separations," of the kind that Pat and Pran created for themselves, to protect their relationship, were risks worth taking, simply for them to be together and happy.

Pain and happiness are not emotions independent of each other. At least in the eyes of my Asian cultures, human beings embody all emotions, all the time. Humans are certainly primed, internally and socially, to seek happiness and balance. But as I've posited here in this post -- is there pleasure without pain? The pain of separation, the trust that partners and family members can learn from each other through separation, and the lessons and communicative ability to solidify relationships after the obstacles of separation, are all themes of life that, I think, are worth unwinding on, in glorious emotional detail. And I love that our beloved Asian dramas do not shy away from these examinations.

(Tagging @dribs-and-drabbles and @solitaryandwandering by request! If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know!)

[Well, this one was a doozy -- if you got through it all, I thank you! Next up, next week, is another post I've been dying to write for months. I had the opportunity to engage in lengthy conversation with a number of FABULOUS Asian Tumblr bloggers, all of us Bad Buddy stans, to reflect on our experiences as Asian reviewers watching BBS and to talk about what we related to. I have a list, a WHOLE LIST! of themes to expound on. I'm calling it Asian Cultural Touchpoints Within Bad Buddy. And I may need to split it into two posts, because there's a lot to talk about. Join me and my friends next week in our continued Bad Buddy brain-rot sesh!

Here is the status of the Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist. Tumblr's web editor loves to jack with this list; please head on over to this link for the very latest updates!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (The BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series is ongoing: preamble here, part 1 here, and more reviews to come) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] (watching) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch For the Sake of Re-Analyzing an Politics-Focused Show After Not Me 39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 43) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here)  44) Wedding Plan (2023) 45) Only Friends (2023) (tag here)]

[band--psycho]

Young!Remus Lupin x Reader - Never Stop Being You

For @loving-and-dreaming (and for anyone else who has ever felt like this) ; I hope this fic helps I saw it a while ago whilst I was reading Remus fics!

I hope you all enjoy this! 💛

“Y/n, I was thinking we could go to the library after potion classroom study?” Remus said, lifting his head up from the book he’d been enthralled in most of the morning. 

“Yeah; that sounds good, hon-Remus,” Y/n replied with barely even a smile before she left the Gryffindor Common room altogether. 

Remus’ eyes narrowed in both confusion and concern; a look that his fellow Marauders also mirrored. 

Y/n loved the library, that’s where she spent eighty percent of her time when she wasn’t in classes and sure studying wasn’t her favorite thing to do but it was odd to see her so indifferent by what he said. 

She also rarely called anyone by their first name unless it was her first time meeting them; or had told her to call them by their name. But Remus had never done that; in fact he found it adorable that she called him honey; it made his heart feel all warm and fuzzy. 

So hearing his actual name fall from her lips was like a punch in the gut. 

She hadn’t called him by his full name since they met each other; in their first year, they were now in their seventh….

“Did I just hear that correctly?” He asked; rubbing the back of his neck nervously; his mind trying to work out if maybe he had misheard her. 

“Moony, what did you do?” Sirius questioned; his eyebrows raised as he looked at his friend; Sirius, much like Remus had rarely seen Y/n call anyone by their first name, the only time he’d experienced it was when she was really mad at him for pulling a prank on her, that went terribly wrong and ruined one of her favorite books. 

Hence why Sirius assumed that Remus and Y/n had had a falling out. 

However, Lily soon corrected that assumption, “He hasn’t done anything,” 

“She’s been like that for a few days,” Marlene continued with a sigh, as she twiddled her quill in between her fingers, “It’s like she’s stopping herself from saying the nicknames she’s called us for years…”

Remus hadn’t been around as much the last few days because of the full moon, he’d spent most of his time in the hospital wing and in his dorm room; today was the first real day he’d felt strong enough to go back to classes. 

Something had happened to Y/n…and he couldn’t help the ache of guilt in his chest at the thought of something happening to her and him not being there. 

But he was here now; and he was going to find out what had happened to make her act unlike herself.

~~~~~

Throughout the rest of the day, Remus kept an eye on Y/n…and although it was exactly like Marlene had said, she was calling everyone by their first name, avoiding all the nicknames she used to call people; there was also something else going on. 

She was quiet; unusually so. 

She barely cracked a smile at Sirius’ joke in Charms class; and Remus knew  that that was a joke she would’ve normally laughed at. 

It was like a Dementor had come along and sucked all of the happiness out of her. 

In fact he was fully  prepared for her not to show up to their study session today; but a small wave of relief washed over him when he saw her making her way over to him. 

“Hey,” Remus greeted softly as she sat down; there were a million questions racing around in his head, but he thought it was best to let her get comfortable before he started asking her questions. 

After an hour of studying; it was not Remus who broke the silence they were in, it was Y/n.

“What’s wrong? She asked; her eyes not once dithering from the book she was reading.

“Shit,” Remus mumbled under his breath; as he looked up at Y/n. He’d been hoping that she was so engrossed in her charms book to notice his worried glances; clearly, he was wrong. 

“I could ask you the same question?” He countered gently; closing the book he’d been trying and failing to read. 

“I’m fine,” she stated bluntly; trying to ignore the concern in Remus’ eyes as he looked at her.

“I’m just saying…if there’s something wrong…you can talk to me, Y/n/n y’know that right?”  he smiled reassuringly.  

He knew she was lying when she said she was fine; but he also respected that maybe she didn’t want to talk about what was wrong right now and as much as he wanted her to tell him what was wrong so he could help her, he also wasn’t going to push her. 

“Why does everyone think there’s something wrong with me?” Y/n snapped; silencing the minimal chitter in the background as she gathered her belongings and quickly left the library. 

He swore he saw her wipe a few tears from her cheek before she left; and that just made his heart ache even more as his mind fought with itself for a few moments; trying to decide what the best thing to do was, if he went after her he was worried that she would feel like she didn’t have any space; but alternatively he also hated the thought of her being alone whilst she was upset. 

He couldn’t leave her. 

So he rushed after her, trying to think of where she could be.

He tried all the usual places he thought he’d find her; and then all of the less likely places; and he couldn’t find James who had the map, so that ruled that out as an option of trying to find her. 

It was a complete and utter coincidence that he bumped into her quite literally while he was walking towards the Quidditch pitch where James and Sirius were. 

“Y/n/n-” his words stopped in his throat when he saw just how puffy and red her eyes were. 

“C’mere,” he whispered, pulling her into his arms; a gesture which she didn’t fight against; instead, she simply melted into the warmth and comfort of his arms, as he rubbed her back soothingly. 

“I’m sorry,” She sniffled, pulling herself away from him slightly so that she could wipe her tears away. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he cooed; continue to rub small circles into her back; while his other hand rose to her face, caressing her cheek.

“Am I too much?” She asked, the question catching Remus completely off guard. 

“Am I too nice; too bubbly, just…too much, I know people don’t always like nicknames…and I can be a bit too loud sometimes; that’s not something I’m not used to hearing but I didn’t think it annoyed people, is it annoying?” 

The words were falling from her lips faster than Remus’ mind could keep up with; but after a few seconds the words had processed.

“It’s not annoying, not at all,” he said, tilting her head up slightly so that their eyes met, “Why don’t you start from the beginning?” 

So she did. 

She explained what had happened a few nights ago; that a handful of students had said that she was too friendly and nice to everyone; that she was too bubbly and should learn to not talk as much, and the nicknames she called people, like honey were just weird. 

And that was all because she offered to help them with an assignment.

“I was…I was just trying to help,” she continued; picking the skin around her thumb anxiously.

“I know and there is nothing wrong with that,” Remus stated, taking her hands in his, “you don’t have to shrink who you are just because other people can’t appreciate how brilliant you are,” 

“I’m not brilliant,” she mumbled, her thumbs rubbing along the side of my knuckle.

“Yes, you are,” he argued; though his tone remained soft, as his thumb traced over her bottom lip.

 “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest and most beautiful person I have known and even that is an understatement,” he breathed, unknowingly closing the small distance between them; until their lips were almost touching. 

He glanced down at her lips, before meeting her eyes, silently asking her if this was okay. 

She didn’t say anything; she simply closed the distance between them herself. 

The initial shock of her lips on his made him stumble back a little; thankfully it was not enough to break the kiss; he wished his lips could heal her hurt, he wished he could kiss the pain away and show her just how amazing she was in his eyes. 

“You are amazing,” he breathed in between kisses before placing one last kiss on her forehead, before pulling her back into his arms, “and I will always remind you of that.”

Tagging

@dittos-blog-dylanobrien @charliedaltonsgfsblog @xacatalepsyx @book-dragon03 @ignorethisblogwithyourlife @gloryekaterina @jamie-lee666 @skyofficialxx @greengecko @findzelda @ciannemar83 @trishizzl @amaryllis23 @munsinner @medalloway-blog @aboukie @quirky-eclectic @darthwheezely @ashlovesthemarauders @lexondeck @the-chaotic-cow @misshale21 @daedreams @realandloud @alexxavicry @meteora-fc @howlingmadlady @drabby-abby @samanthaofanarchy @xxemberlights @navs-bhat @tinystudentmiracle @laneynoir @livy26600 @fangirlsfandomsss @brealarei16 @fredweasleyyyyy @theestorm @saltedcoffeescotch @juliejulesblog

[homophyte]

okay here’s my real true honest thoughts. i’m glad james is being rightly exposed HOWEVER. it sucks to me that hbomb wasn’t able to talk about the flat out wrong shit he says almost all the time without making the video longer than it already was. i’m going to assume that at some point he’s just gonna nuke the channel bc there is….no going back from this really? but what’s gonna suck about that is no one is going to be able to go through all those videos and correct the lies and misrepresentations he made. like, a lot of peoples whole opinions are going to still be based on that under the assumption that it’s just a better persons work. and maybe a lot of them are and he just never fact checked shit! but it still sucks that he was able to disseminate so much of it and it’s essentially a blip on the radar in light of the plagiarism shit. are people going to know he flat out lied about some 60s movie they’re likely to never watch? like idk. does he deserve it yes of course. is there WAY MORE to talk about with his work and the inaccuracies thereof that are likely gonna get swept to the wayside and forgotten completely? yeah probably and that kinda sucks EDIT pls check latest reblog, todd in the shadows made a companion fact-checking video for somertons channel