#that's my mf baby chicken

[bradshawsbitch]

Calling Bradley “chicken man” is something I will never recover from LMFAO

hehehe yes, I love the notion of calling Bradley 'chicken man' when you're a bit peeved at him and he's acting a fool! 😈

and on the other hand on the spectrum, I love the thought of affectionately calling him your 'baby chicken' whenever he's being a sweet little Rooster!🥹💕

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

I think also bc i do not take anything that seriously anymore like... even the idea of living on the streets I'm like 🧍‍♂️ you think im scared? I'm so terrified I'm happy so... I heard the crashing waves of the cosmos and in its immensity I grew silent I grew numb and I learned TO SEEK JOOOOOOY!!

[tightjeansjavi]

The Rite of Movement | drabble

“Takeout 🥡”

A/N: I sent @strang3lov3 post shower titty pics in my takeout undies…and then she said I should write baby love wearing those said panties around Joel 🤭 so I did the mf thing and wrote it! P.S that is yours truly’s fine Italian ass in the moodboard! 🍑

~word count: 1.4k~

Summary: Friday nights are takeout nights, baby love

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: smut, fluff, oral f!receiving, mentions of ouid, teasing, flirting, intimacy, daddy kink! Mommy kink??, Joel and the reader are pornstars, Joel is in his 40’s, reader is in her 30’s, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is baby love, +18 minors dni!

Friday nights were arguably your favorite night out of the entire week; takeout night, baby! Every Friday night you and Joel would pick a local restaurant to order from and this week it was your turn! Instead of simply letting Joel know where you wanted to order from, you decided to play some theatrics into it.

You were, after all, well seasoned in front of the camera.

So while Joel was downstairs, seated at the kitchen table with his jar of weed and rolling papers laid out in front of him, you slipped into one of your favorite pairs of lounging panties. The fabric had little Chinese takeout boxes printed onto the fabric. They were a high waisted, cheeky pair and you had a sneaking suspicion that Joel was absolutely going to love and devour them.

After throwing on one of his well-loved shirts, you headed downstairs to greet him in the kitchen. He had just finished rolling a joint when he noticed you in his peripheral, his lips curved upwards into a boyish grin when he saw that your attire consisted of nothing but panties and one of his shirts: delicious.

“Hey, baby love.” He tucked the joint behind his ear, turning in the chair completely so he was facing you.

“Hey, baby.” You grinned, lifting the hem of his shirt up so he could get the full view of your cheeky choice of panties.

His eyes traveled from your face and all the way down the curve of your body. His eyes flickered back upwards, grin widening as he beckoned you to come closer, “Ooh, how’d you know I was hungry, baby love?” He snickered, wrapping his strong arms around your waist when you were within reach and pulled you in close. He started nuzzling his face against your exposed stomach, pressing open mouth kisses here and there while his hands grabbed a handful of your ass, squeezing the plump flesh between his thick fingers.

He brought one hand back, giving your ass a playful slap that elicited a giggle to slip past your lips as you gently carded your fingers through his soft, salt and peppered kissed curls. You leaned down, giving the top of his head a sweet peck as he hummed against your tummy.

“No, baby.” You giggled, “ME. I’m hungry. I want lo mein and orange chicken from Fortune House.”

He let out a soft huff, tickling the sensitive hairs above your pubic bone with his enticing warm breath, “yeah, that’s what you want tonight, baby love?” He looked up at you, resting his chin against your stomach while you gently brushed a few stray curls from his forehead.

“Mhm. Are you good with that for tonight?”

“Always down for some good Chinese takeout.” He rasped, dropping one hand from your ass so he could reach across the table and grab his wallet, “think I wanna eat you first, though.” He chuckled, pulling out one of his cards and handed it to you.

“You always wanna eat me, Joel.” You shook your head with a small smile playing on your lips.

“Can ya blame a man?” He focused his attention back on you, slipping his fingers under the waistband of your panties and gently pulled the elastic back before letting it snap against your hip. “These are fuckin’ adorable, by the way. Love how they look on you, baby love.” He pressed a wet kiss to your hip bone, and then the other before trailing his lips just above the delicate lace on the hem of your panties.

His eyes flickered upwards, deep pools of brown full of nothing but unbridled mischief. The look he was giving you sent heat rising to your cheeks and your thighs involuntarily clenching together.

“Thank you, baby. They’re one of my favorite pairs to lounge in.” You hummed, keeping one hand in his hair just as he began to lower his lips, hot breath fanning your covered core. He leaned in, rubbing the tip of his nose against your covered clit, taking a deep inhale at the scent of your arousal.

“Fuck me.” He grunted, lashes fluttering shut momentarily before they opened again. He kept his eyes locked on yours when he pressed a kiss to your clit, and then another, and another till there was a small wet patch forming from the moisture building up between the thin layers in the fabric.

You stifled a moan, gripping onto his hair for support, your words coming out stuttered when he dragged the flat side of his tongue from your core and all the way up to your clit. “J—Joel, the f—food. Fuck.”

His words were muffled by his face being buried in your covered pussy as he hooked his thumb around the front of your panties and pulled them to the side. “You have my card, baby love, call ‘em and place the order while I feast on ya.” He chuckled deeply, sending a series of sparks to shoot up your spine as you tilted your head back.

“O—okay. What do you want?” You reached for his phone, snatching it up quickly just as he began to suckle on your clit.

“Gimme a minute, kinda busy.” You could feel him smirking against you as he swirled his tongue against you in a languid figure eight motion.

You struggled to dial the number to the restaurant with just one hand, but somehow you managed. “Hi! Yes, I’d like to place an order f—for delivery! Mhmm—I’d like an order of lo mein, orange—chicken. What—size? Uh, large for both, please!” You squeaked out, eyes rolling back into your skull when Joel had crooked his middle and pointer finger inside of your core, thrusting them shallowly.

His mouth and fingers were working in unison as your slick dripped out of you and down the side of his hand almost immediately. You struggled to keep your composure while he was working you into absolute ruin. You pulled the phone away from your ear, placing it against your shoulder for a moment.

“Joel!” You hissed, “what do you want, baby? Seriously J—Joel!”

He detached his mouth from you, looking up at you, beard and chin glistening in your slick as he licked his lips, “what was that, baby love? S’matter?” He teased.

You narrowed your eyes at him, struggling to not let a moan slip out and scar the poor old woman on the phone, “please, just—tell me what you want to eat.”

“Hmm.” He pondered, smacking his lips together, “an order of crab rangoon.” He leaned back in, dragging the tip of his tongue across your clit, sucking it between his lips before gently releasing it with a wet smack! “Egg rolls.” He repeated his previous action, feeling your thighs begin to quiver and tremble, “pan fried potstickers.” He suddenly ceased the movement of his fingers inside of you, and his mouth, forcing you to drop your hand from his hair to brace yourself against his shoulder, “and an order of beef and broccoli.” He added.

You swore you saw stars behind your eyes when he purposely edged you from your approaching orgasm. With a shaky hand you brought the phone back up to your ear, “hi! Sorry, I would also like an order of crab rangoons, egg rolls, pan fried potstickers— Jesus fuck—” you stuttered, biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood when he continued with his ministrations, pumping his fingers inside of you at an unruly pace while he suckled on your clit. “I’m so sorry for swearing! That just slipped out—can I also get an order of beef and broccoli? Thank you—yeah, that’s it!”

“Yeah, that’s it, baby love. Give it to me. Soak my fuckin’ fingers, sweet girl. Give it all to daddy.” He murmured between your thighs, mouthful of pussy.

You don’t even remember saying your address, or the digits on Joel’s card when the sweet old lady let you know that the food would be delivered within the hour. You said thank you, ending the call and tossed Joel’s phone on the table before you slipped your fingers back into his hair, nails scraping against his scalp as you pressed his face further into your dripping cunt. “Don’t you dare fucking stop now, daddy.”

He looked up at you, tongue sinfully swirling around your clit, stray strands of curls dropping from between your fingers, falling against his forehead and briefly obstructing his view, “I wouldn’t stop eatin’ my girls sweet fuckin’ pussy even if the world was ending, momma.”

Banners made by the lovely @saradika-graphics 🩷

Moodboard made by the lovely @strang3lov3 💘

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[lovebugism]

babe virgin!eddie has my heart and pussy fr

when he cums inside you for the first time you KNOW that mf is shaking and whimpering. ughhhh fuck he sounds so cute and pretty too, his moans and whimpers all soft and high pitched 😩😩😩. he’s holding onto your body desperately. poor baby is so sensitive. he’s on the verge of tears because he’s never felt anything like that before.

anon ur so right.... thots are certainly being thot rn. 18+

eddie liked to say that he was only half a virgin when he met you because it wasn’t like he was totally inexperienced

he almost got a blow job once in the bathroom at the hideout after a show

but he was drunk and nervous and couldn’t get it up so that was a bust (or lack thereof)

a couple years back, he nearly lost his virginity to a really pretty girl who was also a virgin

but they both chickened out at the very last second because they figured the first time they had sex, it should probably be with someone they actually sort of liked romantically

so it’s not like eddie’s never touched a girl before

but the only thing that’s ever made him come is his right hand

the first time he’s inside of you, he doesn’t move for several long moments

he lays all of his weight on top of you and hides his face in your neck

every one of his heavy breaths and whines fans against your skin

and you know that he’s a virgin, but at first you think he’s being so still because he doesn’t want to hurt you

“it’s okay, eds. you can move”

“no the fuck i can’t, sweetheart,” he laughs breathlessly “not unless you want me to come, like, right fucking now”

it makes you smile because you can feel the subtle twitches of his hard cock inside of you

and you’ve never made a guy come this fast before so you’re honestly a little flattered

“that’s okay. you can come whenever you want to, eddie”

he all but shudders at your words as he whines into your neck

“don’t say shit like that, baby. ’s gonna make me come”

“do it then. come for me, eds”

five and a half pumps inside of you and he’s done for

he tenses and stills against you, letting out a choked moan as his orgasm rolls over his body

it creeps up on him at first before hitting him full force

and you moan right along with him when you feel him release several spurts of come inside of you

he’s never come that hard before, not with his own hand

and you’ve never felt so fucking full

he shudders against you while he comes and lets out pretty little moans and delicate whimpers into your neck

you coax him through every wave of his orgasm

you wrap your thighs around his waist to pull him further into you

and rub your palms up and down his back

but what really gets him are the praises you whisper in his ear

“good boy, eds. you’re doing so good. so perfect for me.”

and even though he’s well spent, his hips keep rocking into you after the fact

both of you moan at the wet squelches of his cock inside you as it pushes through a mixture of his come and your slick

and it surprises you because “aren’t you sensitive, eds?”

you feel him nod against you with a strangled cry

“wanna make it good for you too”

“you don’t have to, eds—”

for the first time since putting his dick in you, he pulls his head from the side of yours to look at you

his shiny with sweat, eyes glazed over, cheeks blotchy and glowing red, lips swollen from where he’d been biting them and pressing wet kisses along your neck and shoulder

“i’ll be damned if i'm gonna be the virgin who can’t make his girl come on the first go around”

you smile at how conscious he is of your pleasure

“it might take me a little while…”

“don’t care. we have all fucking night” 

he keeps trusting shallowly inside of you, only pulling a couple inches out of you before slamming his hips back into you

and he’s just whining the entire time because he’s so fucking sensitive but he wants to make you feel good

you bring a hand down to your clit to help speed up the process

and when eddie realizes what you’re doing, he shoves your hand out of the way and replaces it with his own

your pussy grips him unbelievably tight when you come, fluttering and gushing against him

he’s nothing but a shuddering and sobbing mess on top of you

you hold his fucked out face in your hands after

and kiss away the stray tears streaming down his cheeks <3

[vivgst]

COD Headcanons

I mean they're not hc it's just shit I think they say/do but I needed the title okay?

As I previously said this is just my silly little opinion, I would love to read yours but don't take this too personal and I'm saying this cause Imma bout to write SHIT about two characters and I'm scared cause they're loved by the whole fandom.

Okay thats all thanks<3333

Let's start with my favorite piece of shit, shall we?

Alejandro Vargas

I don't care what yall say this man is a CHEATER and he would make you feel guilty about it too because you're not "meeting his needs".

“I’m not sexist???? We cannot do the same things, it's basic biology!”

Maybe he's good in bed, let's give him that.

Alain meza said he loved Rudy so let's assume he's bi, uh... he wouldn't admit that shit, not in a million years, probably would get offended if you even dare to suggest it.

He doesn’t argue to fix things, he argues to repeat how much in the right he is, I feel like he NEVER admits he’s in the wrong, he seems very stubborn.

Now can we address that fucking temper of his? Breathe mf, no ones gonna die if you stop yelling for a second.

I feel like he must’ve had A LOT of trouble when he just joined the army because of his anger issues, think about it for a moment: someone with a higher rank yelling at him and you think he just took it? I doubt it.

MUST HAVE fought with Valeria more than once cause that temper of hers is just as shitty.

I promise I don’t hate him, well I do but he’s one of my favs, I don’t know how to explain this bye.

Simon Riley

He’s very chill I love him <3

I think of him like a very nostalgic man, he thinks a lot about his past, past lovers, past experiences, when he was new in the army, you know? Not in a “I’m still traumatized” way, he’s just nostalgic.

He’s absent minded, he’s always daydreaming (when he’s not doing something important ofc).

Thin and I don’t fucking care, THAT MAN IS THIN, you can even see it sometimes!!!! He’s got chicken legs, I love them.

He really seems to enjoy dad jokes.

He cares a lot about his teammates and I love it, it’s very cute.

Can we talk about how everyone put him as a fucking beast in bed? I don't see it, I think he's ruthless when he needs to but I don't think this applies when it comes to sex, he suffered a lot too and sadly I know too well that sex is pretty fucking terrible after rape, especially because you feel like you're gonna hurt the person you're having sex with so...

John MacTavish

Typa guy everyone loves, even your dad and your grandma's always saying how handsome he is.

Maybe he was bullied bc of his accent but he just told them to go fuck themselves.

Caring and loving, buys his partner flowers and their favorite candy/chocolates/desserts.

Remembers anniversaries, birthdays, medical or school appointments.

Too charismatic and funny.

Kyle Garrick

He’s too good for his own good… I feel like he always end up going out with INSANE people, the jealous type, they’re always bitching and making him angry and stressed but he forgives them cause he’s an angel.

Very sweet, loves cooking for people he loves.

Kinda family oriented.

He smells good, I can almost smell his perfumeeeeee he smells good, he spends MONEY on it too.

Even the devil is afraid of him when he’s mad.

I think he's very private about his life in general, doesn't like to vent his problems.

Hot lover.

John Price

Now this man is a FATHER, my fucking dad I swear.

He seems pretty conservative to me, not in a bad way like he wants you to be his personal maid and slave, more like he wants to date to marry, hates casual sex.

Loves whiskey.

Dad energy, he would be so caring and loving with his child, he would give that baby the moon.

I don’t think he would love to date a younger woman, not a woman in her twenties at least, I think he would be into women his age.

If you feel disappointment by that, maybe you could try fixing your relationship with your dad, sweetheart ;).

Hates confrontation and loves to work things out.

Let’s not talk about how sex with be with the old man, okay? Thanks.

He's not that old, I get that but he looks like he's fucking 68.

Phillip Graves

He looks kinda daddy in that pic, not gonna lie.

“How come you don’t want to have sex? What about me? Have you thought about how that makes me feel? If your head hurts, sex would help but you never consider me, I’ll sleep in the couch”.

A selfish, self-centered bitch, only thinks about himself.

Feeling good having sex with him? Aw baby, try again cause this mf would use you like a damn toy and he couldn’t care less about your feelings or how much pain you’re in.

Cheater, he wouldn’t even be quiet about it. “Oh you want to divorce me? And where are you gonna go, sugar? You’re nothing without me”.

Doesn’t fucking know where the clit is, he doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Of course straight, loves to be white and American.

“Of course I can say whatever I want, I’m from America I have freedom of speech”.

Fuck you graves.

Rodolfo Parra

Perfect.

He seems so sweet and kind and considerate I love him.

Smart as hell, probably got the best grades when he was a kid.

Doesn’t hate anyone, no one hates him.

Loves nature and animals but he can’t enjoy it too much cause he is always busy.

Dreams about having a big family and a dog (a golden, probably).

Forget about having rough sex UNLESS he’s mad (fr mad like losing his shit but that doesn’t happen frequently).

Could be a teacher if he wasn’t in the army, he’s very patient and can explain things easily.

Have a pretty smile.

Valeria Garza aka MAMI

Feels like she needs to prove something, she was underestimated for so long in the army that now she’s always trying to prove to herself how badass and good at her job she is.

Almost no one knows the real Valeria, her favorite things, music taste, if she prefers cold or hot, coffee or tea etc.

She hates cold weather with all her MIGHT.

Likes to smoke only when she’s stressed.

Likes animals but thinks they’re so much work and she doesn’t have the time.

Did drugs once and hated it.

Feels guilty when she spots a church but she WOULD NEVER admit this shit to anyone.

Used to the worst of life so she didn’t like when someone is kind with her, is like “tf am I supposed to do with it???” but she gets used to it eventually.

I don’t think she has anger issues but def she doesn’t fucking know how to regulate her emotions, she lets stress take over her.

She would love a narcowife, kind of woman who wears a lot of beachy dresses and have a shitty personality like her (like Kate del Castillo in La Reina del Sur or in Bad Boys, exactly that kind of narcowife) (I’m kinda projecting, sorry lol).

I can’t picture her with a sweet girl and I think a sweet girl wouldn’t be able to handle that woman.

She keeps arguing even though she realized she’s in the wrong.

She wouldn't be able to spend a lot of time with her S.O, she's such a workaholic.

I don't think she likes to wear men clothes.

I don't think she hates kids but I can't picture her with kids.

Wouldn't divorce once she's married.

Btw I didn’t want to make this too sexual bc lately this fandom is full of just that, too much smut, too much violence and rape in the smut and it’s so graphic that I feel I’m watching instead of reading wtf, its uncomfortable and I honestly can’t picture the characters being that violent and vile.

As I said in my previous hcs… these guys are surrounded by violence, stress and blood every day, I personally don’t think they wanna get home to torture their partners (well, maybe graves cause he is a piece of shit that mf. Okay kidding, not even Graves is that much of a bastard).

[mayariviolet]

Random AOT Headcanons - Modern AU

(ft. Eren, Connie, Sasha, and Jean)

summary: Stuff I couldn’t formulate into a coherent or long enough post. Kinda fluff? I just want them to be happy tbh🥺.

a/n: Mostly character traits for my fic temperance! 👀 But honestly, this is how I picture them in general. I’ve been missing my own story lately (even though I’m literally responsible for writing it💀).

Eren:

Addicted to those shitty mobile games. He’ll turn on airplane mode just so he doesn’t get stupid pop-up ads.

Since he’s an avid mobile gamer, if he’s out of whatever resource he needs, he’ll pay that $2.99 for a ‘booster pack’ or whatever.

Hates cilantro. Despises it. He gets lowkey mad when he sees it on his plate💀

Has those ‘Ken’-like senses whenever Mikasa needs him. He will drop whatever he is doing to save his girl!

If Mikasa is shopping at Aritzia- Eren will probably chill on the boyfriend couches or play with the arcade machine. Like I said before, since he has those ‘Ken’-like senses, he’ll immediately stop whatever he’s doing for Mikasa (she’s perfectly fine and just dropped her chapstick).

Listens to anything Metro Boomin produces. Also, listens to Mitski (Class of 2013 fs).

Connie:

His ringtone is ‘Gucci Flip Flops’ by Bhad Baby. It started off ironic just so he could piss Eren and Jean off, but he’s now one of her biggest stans.

He won’t stop playing ‘Gucci Flip Flops’ (while he’s in the shower, getting ready, cooking, etc.) to the point where Eren and Jean have threatened to evict him. Connie says they’re “Silencing female musicians” and continues playing the song.

HE IS A HOT GIRL! HE LOVES MEGAN THEE STALLION!

Likes to wear beanies in the winter.

Adds extra marshmallows in his hot chocolate☕️.

Has an extensive shoe collection (mainly Jordan’s).

Posts those: ‘Show younger you or a bad [insert month]’ templates on Instagram. (He genuinely believes that not posting it will curse him).

Sasha:

Avid Google Maps user. Only to find really good hole-in-the-wall restaurants, though.

Writes restaurant reviews on Google Maps for fun.

Gets mad when said restaurants become popular (my sister in Christ- you wrote the reviews telling people to go there…)

Her favourite music consists of Fleetwood Mac, TWICE, New Jeans and old country/blues.

She cries over those little Korean baby variety shows whenever she gets them on her for you page.

Always carries a packet of ketchup and hot sauce in her wallet.

She gets those ‘This was meant for you’ tarot card readings on TikTok and watches all the way through.

Sends those OBSCENE emoji chain mail text messages to Connie and Jean because it’s funny.

Jean:

Posts gym photos like a harlot.

Sends Connie those ‘Post younger you or bad month’ templates because it’s funny to see him get flustered…

He really likes pop-punk music and one direction (I don’t make the rules).

One time, he walked in on Connie and Sasha watching Ru Paul’s drag race, and he was being such a little shit disturber about it. Until he realized four hours had passed and he was already watching the Queens getting fitted for their final looks.

Rise and Grind- Chicken, rice and unseasoned broccoli mf… Until he got bored of prepping the same meals. He’s become a better cook because of it!

He and Connie love getting high and fucking around while baking those Betty Crocker cake mixes (funfetti or chocolate).

Jean’s favourite movie is The Big Short.

One time, he sat on a Nutella sandwich Connie left on the couch, and Eren accused him of shitting himself. Jean got so heated that they almost fist-fought until Armin had to mediate.

a/n: I’ve been procrastinating napping💀… I’m gonna do that now and work on my Geto fic… hehe…

[jannythewriter-pt2]

Collage Feels Pt.3

It’s the week after the party and you and Connie have been texting for a minute, both liking when the other text first, but of course Connie texted first. At this moment, you were getting ready for Connie to come over to your dorm so he could help you with one of your stupid class assignments 😟.

Right now you’re in the shower and you hear your phone buzz…it’s from Connie. “Hey I’ll be there in 5” the text said, you replied with a simple “ok, I’m so excited” and finished your shower. You got out and put on an oversized shirt, your silk black bonnet and some short shorts. You touched up in the mirror, applying one more coat of lipgloss and a spray of strawberry pound cake perfume and just then you heard a Knock at your door. “He’s mf’n here” you said in your head nervously.

You open the door and GAH DAMN Connie was looking so mf’n fine 😫. He was wearing a black under armour compression shirt with gray sweatpants, black cats, an iced out Cuban link chain, and you could see the waist band of his underwear and you could see his print. (And y’all that dick was dickin 😫) You were staring hard and he caught onto this, “you see sum you like ma” he says in a flirtatious tone “nigga get in here” you say in a sarcastic tone.

“Your dorm is nice asf, and it smells like vanilla in here” he says admirably. “Thank you hun, I like keeping a clean space, making sure my shit is mf’n organized cause don’t nobody want a nasty ass bitch” I said with confidence. “Nah cause you’re right about that shit” Connie said laughing as he put his Luis Vitton bag down on the floor. “Sophia what you need help on ma” he said in his deep voice, “I can’t figure out the formula for this equation” I show Connie the problems. “Yeh we’re gonna be here for a mf’n while” Connie says defeated.

It’s been 2 hours and you finally finished your work and you actually get what’s going on. “I should prolly go, ik you got other things you gotta do so imma get out of your hair” Connie said “Nah nigga you ain’t going nowhere. I did not just call you over to help me with my work. We finna order takeout and watch Baddies tf” you said pissed off that this mf was thinking you just wanted him for help and that’s it.

“Deadass, like fr?!” Connie says surprised, “Yes Connie I’m not that typa girl who’s just gon use you for her benefit, know that” this makes Connie smile to himself, he’s never met any girl who doesn’t just want to use him for his smarts, or who doesn’t want to fuck him, your different. “What you wanna eat ma?” Connie ask and you say “Def Chinese, I want orange chicken and white rice” “aight I’ll put the order in” Connie says “I’ll go get my ca-“ your cut off when Connie says “fuck no, sit yo pretty ass down somewhere, I’m paying ma” this makes you feel hot and bothered, this more dominant side of him, the sexy side of him…. “ o-ok” you stutter out shook.

It was a few hours later and y’all were watching baddies, and Connie was being real cuddly, not only that but he was being a lil…..touchy. “Please ma just come here, I wanna hold you, I promise I’ll take you out just come here” in your head your so nervous to make a move, but you a bad bitch so you do your big one. “Fine Constance” you take the blanket off of you and instead of cuddling up to him, you do something unexpected to Connie, you climb on his lap, wrap your arms around his neck, and you sat there, looking into his hazel eyes. You notice a slight pink dusted over his cheeks. “I ain’t even gon lie, your to fine for me to leave you without making you mine” Connie said quietly “you gon treat me right baby?” You said in a serious tone, “I promise ma, I promise” Connie says sincerely “ok pa, I’ll give you a chance”

Yall the next part gon be a lil bit of smutt 😫

[notsofriendlyfriendlyreminder]

I'm listening to my liked songs AND NO! YOU WILL LISTEN! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICAN SHOES BY RAINBOW KITTEN SURPISE IS ABIGAIL AND JOHN CODED MF LISTEN

You said I'll come back, I'll come back for you my love, wait for me You said you're the only, You've been the only one I love, and love believes

YOUR HONOR THEY ARE IN LOVE

But love is a bird that you kept in your coat Warm until it died in the dark And death is the love of what hurts you the most So you drink your day away till you're warm as paradise

YOUR HONOR THEIR LOVE IS NOT PERFECT IT BURNS IT STINGS AND IT'S A PRODUCT OF THEIR TIME BUT MAINLY PRODUCT OF THE WAY THEY WERE RAISED AND FORCED TO MATURE SO SOON

I'm not hurt I'm broken, But I called to say I'm fine

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE BROKEN BUT MAYBE!!§ MAYBE!!!!!!!§ And I heard you had another love, But I'd love you to think I don't mind

YOUR HONOR HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK! THEY ALL HAD HER AND SO WHAT The baby in your arms ain't mine, But I made believe as though it was

YOUR HONOR EVEN IF YOU LIKE THE THEORY JACK AINT HIS HE IS FUCK YOU YOUR HONOR RESPECTFULLY And I didn't mean to call this late but I think I'm in love With the thought of us

YOUR HONOR! THEY DESERVE TO GROW OLD

So you drink your day away till the liquor in your mouth laughs, And mirrors paint you beautiful like older photographs, But we grow, we grow old, Even this won't last

YOUR HONOR NOTHING IS FOREVER AND THEY DIDN'T GROW OLD BUT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IF NOTHING JACK IS HERE WALKING PROOF OF THEIR LOVE AND THE RANCH IS THE PROOF THE CHICKENS THERE ARE THE PROOF THE BLOOD SPILLED IS THE PROOF ARTHUR'S BLOOD IS THE PROOF No one understands, no one cares at all And they're tearing down our sacred places in the hall You know I hate to dance, Still you ask, still you ask for my hand

YOUR HONOR THE RANCH IS GONNA FALL APART WITHOUT THEM IT'S GONNA BE DESTROYED BUT ONCE HE STOOD TALL AND PROUD AND THERE WAS LAUGHTER IN THE HALL

I love you like the kids love throwing bottles of the bridge And breaking in to trade your fix for American shoes For American shoes, I've been dying to lie awake In a room for two, but

YOUR HONOR AMERICAN DREAM IS A LIE BUT LIFE IS FULL OF LIES AND WE LIVE AND LOVE FOR THE WHAT IFS I'll come back, I'll come back for you my love But love is a bird that you kept in your coat Warm until it died in the dark And death is the love of what hurts you the most So you drink your day away till you're warm as paradise

YOUR HONOR I PRAY THERE'S A BETTER WORLD IN WHICH THEY ALL SURVIVED AND THE FIRE IS BURNING IN THE LIVING ROOM AND THERE'S FOOD ON THE STOVE AND ABIGAIL IS STILL PLAYING THE PIANO AND JOHN GOES FISHING WITH JACK

[honoviadakai]

Foods I think Team Urameshi enjoys 🍜 😋

This post is kinda inspired by/a continuation of this post I made about Hiei so please enjoy my thoughts on the rest of the team’s taste in food!

Yusuke:

If the live action did nothing else, it definitely established that Yusuke’s a ramen guy 😂

He likes both the instant stuff and the traditional kind but the latter is his go to if he can afford it

The instant ones are good but they doo remind him of his childhood when either his mom didn’t have enough money to feed him properly or she was too intoxicated to feed him properly

He also really likes American food

If you get him a good burger, some fries and some soda, he’s your friend for life

He LOVES a good cheesy pizza! The greasier and cheesier the better

Honestly he just LOVES heavy, greasy, heart food

It makes him feel full and weirdly energized

He could eat an entire family bucket of fried chicken by himself, sides and all, and feel pumped up for a good workout 🏋️‍♂️

He also loves spicy food

His spice tolerance is average but he genuinely likes the burn 🔥

If he sees a spicy challenge, he’s gonna do it just to see how far he can go

He’s currently at a level 7 out of 10 on the 🌶️ meter

He’s also very open to exploring weird food combinations and food from other cultures

This includes food from the demon world

He actually kinda likes food from demon world, he just feels like it could use some more spices

Catch him trying Nutella and bologna because Chu swears that the last time he went to the human world he tried it and it was delicious

…he actually tried it…and he liked it…

9 times out of 10 he’s gonna try and actually like the cursed foods you recommend to him

Kuwabara:

He’s a big sandwich connoisseur 🥪 🧐

He just likes how customizable and portable they are

Honestly he likes meals that are not only balanced, but a comfort to the soul

So things like stews, ramen, soba, curry and pasta dishes

One of his personal favorites things to both eat and make are bento boxes 🍱

He loves making them for his friends and family for a number of reasons

For one, it’s his way of making sure his loved ones are eating enough

Some of his friends come from low income households that don’t always have enough money for food

He made sure that whenever they hung out, they were always well fed

He also learned how to make bentos from his mom and sister

He really enjoyed the cooking lessons and he enjoys the warm fuzzy feelings he gets when he feeds his loved ones

The one food he won’t make or consume is anything spicy

He can’t handle spicy food and doesn’t feel confident enough to properly make a spicy dish

Honestly he can’t eat anything spicier than a jalapeño

But he will try to beat Yusuke and Hiei in spice challenges

…my boy never wins and I don’t know why he thinks he will at this point 😂

Kurama:

Like seemingly everything else about this guy, his palate is very refined

He likes expensive things like lobster, caviar, and liver tartare

Part of why he likes it is Yoko has expensive taste and old habits die hard 😂

In Yoko’s correct opinion, if you’re gonna feed him, you might as well break out the good stuff

The other reason is that a lot of these foods have very strong flavors and he enjoys that every now and then

That by no means mean he hates “Lowe quality” foods

He use to eat McDonald’s as a kid

He liked it

Still eats it from time to time

Not as often as Yusuke does, but like…if friends invite him out for a burger, he’ll eat it

Big enjoyer of fruit, grows it himself actually!

The fresher the better 😌👌

He loves ice cream! 🍨 specially strawberry, vanilla and most fruity sorbets

He actually has a bit of a sweet tooth tbh

Thank his mom for that cuz she’d give her baby boy sweets if he looked at her with his big puppy eyes

Mf didn’t even have to say a word

She’d either buy them or make them for him

Even into his adulthood, he can demolish a tray of cookies and macaroons on his own

The difference is that as a child he didn’t care about his weight or how much sugar he’s eating

As an adult, he absolutely cares because he wants to stay in shape and also his body is technically human so he doesn’t wanna deal with diabetes if he can avoid it

Now he also technically grew up with demon world food when he was Yoko

Demon world food is whatever you can find that’s edible

So usually it’s other demons and edible plants/produce

Some of which does that pretty good

But a lot of it is more for survival than taste

He’s absolutely had to eat a bug demon before and not only did it look gross, it tasted gross!

But it was either that or starve…

And believe me…he did debate it…but food doesn’t always just die for you so…🐛🐛🐛

Boy was he grateful that humans in Japan eat some of the best food he’s ever seen

Human food has also made Kurama appreciate the artistry that can go into food

When he sees the chef went out of their way to make the food look like a literal work of art, he’s always so amazed!

He actually has a hard time eating something if it looks super pretty

Expect him to take a few pictures before he eats btw 🤣

He also has an shockingly high spice tolerance

He can eat authentic Thai food without sweating

But certain peppers will automatically have him on his knees

He can and has grown his own peppers to see if he can make spicier peppers than what’s available

He has, but internet trends make people competitive enough to dethrone him by next week 🤣

Hiei:

Oh this guy ain’t picky

Honestly he’ll eat burnt food if he’s hungry enough

He can also eat 10xs his own body weight

Want proof?

Togashi himself knows this little gremlin is a bottomless pit of angst and hangry

He could easily eat you and 12 of your friends out of house and home and still have the audacity to wonder why ya’ll stressed 🙄

Hello grew up in an environment where food was not guaranteed every day so any food he got, he wasn’t wasting a crumb

Even if he’d been given a giant demon bug leg, best believe he’s eating it

Waste not want not as they say

The only food he’s very sus about is mushrooms 🍄

Especially when talking about demon world mushrooms, a lot of them are very hard to identify wether they’re poisonous or so he tends to avoid them

Unless Kurama is there to tell him it’s poisonous or not

He’ll never admit it out loud but he LOVES human food so much!

It’s so flavorful!

His favorite dishes are meaty rice and noodle dishes

Honestly any dishes with meat are an instant hit with him 🍖

But his all time favorite dishes are the spicy ones

The spicier the better 🌶️🌶️🌶️

His spice tolerance is otherworldly

I’m 99.99% sure he could eat lava and not react

To this day, Yusuke and Kurama are trying to find a dish or pepper spicy enough to make Hiei sweat

They so far have not been successful 😔

Honestly not sure they will succeed any time soon

Mf pops Carolina reapers into his mouth like popcorn 🍿 🌶️

[wantonrowls]

Stray Kids drabbles: How they would love a small titty s/o

Han Jisung

This boyfriend of yours hides his perviness the best way possible. And yes, sure, he's clingy like a koala, who loves to force his love whenever possible but he sure is a great pretender that it took you a while to notice his weirdly obsession of you in a laced bra.

They were preparing for a comeback. And with their hectic and tight schedule, you barely seen or heard about your boyfriend. The texts, chat and video calls are not doing it's trick and it seems like it wasn't enough. It never was. So when you and your friend decided to shop for laced underwear, your friend commented something that sparked curiosity in you.

You propped yourself to the pink furry blanket of the floor, wearing the laced bra that was supposed to hug your body and compliment your small chest. Infront of the mirror of your bedroom, you strike a sultry pose and clicked the camera

*Y/N sends a photo*

Quokka: typing...

Y/N: Hi baby, I miss you. I just thought you might like something to cheer you up since it's comeback season.

Quokka: what the-

Quokka: Oh my gosh, baby,

Quokka: Should I just get scolded by Minho and skip the dance lessons? Fuck-

Y/N: Do you like it baby? does it cheer you up?

Quokka: Ugh, yes baby, straight and erect 🫠💖

You giggled at his response. Minutes later your door opens to your boyfriend, finding you on the bed still wearing the laced underwear and a see-through night robe. He can't help but bite his lower lip with excitement when you perked up on the edge of the bed and your hands at on your sides, allowing him to have a VIP view of your chest. He saw the couple necklace that he bought at Tiffany's with his name engraved in gold cursive 'Han's' and you know that he loves having some sort of ownership over you.

"Hi baby" He greets almost breathy, still standing on his feet, shoving your hair to the back softly "Have you been waiting for me, baby?" He asks. His voice in low octaves and you swore the laced bra did the trick which he would get definitely scolded-by by the older hyungs, Bang Chan and Minho tomorrow morning. You nodded in response, gliding your hands painfully slow on his clothed bulge, he hiss in pain.

But he doesn't really gives a shit about it as long as he gets to adore your pretty tits in full view.

Meanho: Where the flying hell are you?!

AussieBoi1: This MF must be tangled in between Y/N's legs, you're so dead at practice tom.

---

Lee Felix

If you would ask the members, they would 100% say that Felix wouldn't be able to control his facial expression if you would wear something thight around your chest around him. Wearing a crop top wasn't a thing for you because you always loved wearing comfy and dating Felix gave you an access to hundreds of his comfortable T-shirts also because before you met him, You were always sporting a T-shirt which he didn't mind the fashion sense so you wearing something girly for him would have a chance of zero to none, And so you took the test. They were on dancing lessons under Minho when you came over, holding some snacks and drinks for them to enjoy. It was unnoticeable at first since you're wearing a windbreaker, you settled down the pizza and chicken wings on the floor as they circled around the food. You settled your bag at one of the hidden cabinets along with your windbreaker, revealing your knitted croptop. You went back and sat beside Seungmin and Hyunjin, purposely infront of Felix. Leaning down to take a chicken leg for yourself and giving the members a view of your chest and Felix, a heart attack. His mouth was agape, eyeing the members, almost cursing with his eyes as they looked away, jerking their heads at some place

As much as he hated the fact that the members can see half the bare of your chest, he can't help but adore the confidence that it got you for wearing something girly as it was a rare occassion, for everyone. It made him jealous, painfully jealous to the point that his forehead is hurting from the frown that he's unable to hide while the members laughed at his back. When the members left, he waits for you outside, pulling you to an empty dressing room, heaving a sigh, holding you in place with a hand to your shoulder.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks, voice hung low, as if his voice could go any lower, staring at you and making you small beneath him

"What do you mean, baby?" You replied, staring back as if you didn't just wore a crop top around his members on purpose "Do you like my blouse baby?" You asked, purposely leaning on him with a pout, allowing him to have a perfect view of your small and cute chest, his breathing hitched with anticipation

"Very..." He replied, gulping a lump on his throat "Like what you see baby?" You asks "Baby, you must only wear something like this only for my eyes" He replies, pulling you by your waist, waiting for a reply, you nodded eagerly, earning a smirk from the blonde fairy

"Good..."

---

Kim Seungmin

Seungmin is the MF who loves to grope your nipples whenever you watch a movie or something. It came out of nowhere. He must think that your nipples was some sort of fidget toy and he tells you that it either calms him down whenever he's stressed or relaxes him more when he's chilling. You took a mental note of what he said and buried it at the back of your head then soon emerges when you had a small fight with him. It was a silly one, he was on the computer with the other members and he isn't gonna budge anytime soon to your complaint

"Boy, if you don't sleep i'll just go back home to my place" You scold at him and Seungmin didn't even flinch. He was focused on the game on the screen. You tried to persuade him as it was already past 11 and he barely get to sleep if you don't force him to.

"Come on, aim at the tower, hyung!" he shouts at the headphones, you strut your way towards him, stripping off your skirt, You shoved his keyboard to the side carefully, giving him a picture perfect view of your naked frame, man was stunned to speak as the other members shout at him at his character dying

"Fuck! where the hell are you Seungmin?" Changbin aggressively shouts to the headphones

"Still there dude?" Hyunjin asks

You pulled his hand, guiding to your chest as he involuntarily grope

"Hi baby, I told you to sleep right?" You ask, still sitting on his computer table

"Don't you love to relax, baby?" You asked again, earning a groan from him "Baby can I suck on your nipples? They feel so hard right now" He patiently waits for your permission, nodding and sinking down to his thighs, giving him easy access to your breasts

You moaned into the pleasure, jerking to his thin shorts

"Do you love it baby, when you get to relax on my nipples?" You asks as he bites on the bud earning a moan from you

"Fuck that's hot" Bang Chan comments through the headphones, obviously hearing the whole session of the make out, You embarrassingly yanked the headphones off the plug.

To this day Seungmin still gets the best of the comments from his hyungs because of that particular situation but he doesn't really care.

---

Yang Jeongin

Jeongin adores you in any outfit. He always got this lovingly stare that he does whenever you make an effort to your clothing. a dress, a skirt, whatever that compliments your small frame, he surely is the number one fan of it.

He is, unexpectedly inlove, when he found you at the dorms with just his T-shirt. The white cotton, hung to your frame almost enveloping you with it's large size. It didn't help when the sun shone at you, tracing the curve of your chest, he licked his lips in excitement.

"Hi baby, what are you doing?" He greets, hugging you from the back. "Just the dishes baby, how was the lessons?" You asked and didn't got a response. He pulls you to his room and sat you down at the edge of his bed

"Baby?" You asked as he leans forward to you, kneeling

"Baby you look so hot right now with just a T-shirt" trapping your thighs with his arms, eyes never leaving your chest "I just wanna stare at them forever, baby" You chuckled at his confession. Sneaking a hand under your shirt, groping at your bud, you moaned at the pleasure

"Ugh, it's so soft too, baby. These are only mine right?" He asks

"Yours forever baby" You replied, he groaned in pain

Needless to say, the dishes were never done and came accross Minho when he came back from the studio.

"What the heck, I'm not your mother guys, what's with the messy sink"

[hausofmamadas]

PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

ep 8 stray thoughts

- oh my baby is ok oh this has been a terrifying 12 hours

- help nuth and phop sitting down with nont in a “hey buddy, you doing ok?” formation.

- “sorry for tracking you down and holding you at gunpoint, i’ve kinda been going through it” nont my baby…

- i knew mister pup mask wasn’t nuth what i mf say!!!!

- interesting how the camera filming nuth film nant is shaky- almost like it is also a recording

- kudos to the actor cause nant and nont really are two different ppl

- SCREAM is this the same blade nuth used to shave phop?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!

- this is kinda crazy?!??! like the shaky recording is making me feel like i’m losing my mind

- we’re nant and nont close at all? like i assume not because it seemed like a lot of what nont knew about his brother came from hacking his phone but also this whole revenge quest is a lot for someone you weren’t close to… or maybe it’s the idea of nant? idk

- it’s the red lighting again…

- i know we’re not seeing the recording so i wonder what they can see… maybe just the feet

- the shot going blurry…. oh….. and the choir vocals

- I WHAT???!!? my emotions are all over the place and then they hit me with captain advertising sex ekdkrkekdkjdj. “sex helps you become the chosen one” ok horny darth vader damn

- OH I KNOW THAT IS NOT A VIDEO RECORDER. what the hell… oh captains despicable ass just got worst…

- i love the little sound effects for the baddie bunch, also captain needs to stop annoying ppl that could floor him like dude leave zouey and teena alone

- hold on zouey before being so uncomfortable with being touched to now smiling… oh i need a minute

- oh he did have a connection with nant, oh poor nont… hold what do you mean prom thinks nant is still alive

- nuths place has a lot of flowers doesn’t it

- nuth and phop continue to be my beloveds NUTH MY BABY I LOVE HIS LITTLE LAUGJ (also nuth being in his mid thirties i thought he was in his twenties…

- phop saying “what if it wasn’t me. you could have met a scammer” like babe didn’t you block him once he bought you a new laptop 🤨. water under the bridge i guess

- “its not easy to find a partner for gays who are older” nuth is dramatic as hell you’re in your thirties?!?!?! oh maybe he was talking about its because he doesn’t like parties… in which case yeah yeah it is

- i may be an american but i don’t think this is how you play rugby…

- oh shit nuth is tall HOLD ON I FORGOT THEY WERE IN CONTACT

- first my baby boy… i’m not gonna say a single thing about the mustache actually whatever makes you happy boo

- “yes chef” (pathetic) (horny) (regretful)

- hold on if first is the chef why didn’t he cook it himself…. ya know what whatever makes them happy

- oh first my baby boy

- why did i have a physical reaction the word powerless being on my screen the same time as aob… his character has so many layers i need to peel them all immediately

- keen… i can’t even put this into words but he’s so sweet

- i forgot first is a student like i’ve not seen this boy with a single book. also i don’t like the fact he left his phone like that… HUH welp.

- firsts dad looking at him like “there is something wrong with this boy” wkjdjjejd

- do you want to get chicken noodles ?!??!??!?!?!?!?!?

- nont going from i’m ready to kill to find my brother to idk anymore… he’s going to spiral tremendously isn’t he

- is captain just eating bread sandwaivh… i need answers

- there’s a statically tv behind nont and prom again. also nonts bangs are down but they were parted with the baddie bunch..

- keen and the pup mask?!?!

[sakura-gyarugal]

Akatsuki headcanons nobody asked for ^^ mostly modern ones

Kakazu has lucky socks for when he goes gambling

Sasori tans really bad. He turns bright red. To which Deidara laughs at since he tans perfectly.

Hidan’s hair is crusty from all that gel he uses. Like man doesn’t wash it was it till the weekend.

Kakuzu secretly likes drag shows.

Deidara has an hearing aid but keeps taking it out so mostly uses sign language

Konan and Itachi have cooking competitions and the rest of the Akatsuki are the judges. They both become scary so the Akatsuki are wary who to pick as the winner.

Orochimaru is non-binary they’re also into drag.

Deidara is a vegan since he likes animals so much. He definitely judges when he sees one of them eating meat especially in front of his birds.

Sasori is allergic to peanuts

Kakazu has many sugar babies but is super cheap with them. He only gives extra to Hidan <3

Hidan has a cult on Twitter but 85% of it is him on separate accounts 💀. He gets banned every month.

Obito has a prosthetic arm and eye. But sometimes he forgets to put on a patch or his eye. When starts getting weird looks then he realizes XD

Pain and konan have lots of pets mostly dogs

Deidara and konan steal each other’s clothes with zero remorse. In fact they meet up with each other with each other’s clothes on.

Konan: is that my shirt?

Deidara: those are the boots I’ve been looking for

Konan: dude

Deidara: bro

Sasori likes murder mysteries and is into taxidermy(very interesting hobbies put together)

Kisame’s food is always getting taken. Like he hides his food in the ceiling and floor boards and it still gets taken.

Kisame: alright who ate my leftovers?

Deidara with a mouthful of rice: I don’t know man

Zetsu: with a chicken wing in between his mouth: not sure

Hidan with sauce all over his mouth: uh did you check the outside fridge?

Zetsu is anti vegan because they think plants feel pain. Deidara and Zetsu constantly fight about animal rights and plants.

Konan is very much into spirituality and stuff to which Hidan thinks is creepy. When he gets on her nerves she threatens to curse him.

Kisame is an activist to animal rights mostly marine though

When Obito first met Deidara he tried sign language and accidentally said something rude with his hands and Sasori was just like: 😦 while Deidara was like: gasp

Pain and madara fight over who’s the better “father” of the Akatsuki. Madara tries to win them over by presents. Like this mf really bought Deidara,hidan, and sasori a car. It currently just sits there at madara’s place

Kisame may seem intimidating and like nothing gets to him but he hates spiders. Like jump onto the table cuz of them. Itachi is always the one to kill it.

Itachi secretly follows his brother or gets bodyguards when his brother is out the home. Sasuke has been known but hasn’t said anything yet.

Konan is a pole dancer. Deidara and Hidan go into her closet and wear her 10 inch heals. Hidan eventually broke an arm trying to walk in them.

Sasori forgets to blink so the Akatsuki have to remind him to

Sasuke hates being around the Akatsuki he tries to avoid them as much as possible.

Did I mention sasori has a very detailed obsession of murder?

Itachi got the worst asthma. Whenever he gets stressed he’s reaching for his inhaler which is all the time.

Kakazu Works 3 jobs he doesn’t even need three jobs but he’s obsessed with money so…

Kisame has a bunch of cultural tattoos from his village

Zetsu likes to hiss at people💀

Madara is that rich aunty that never gets invited yet still comes and ruins the entire function.

Itachi has too much time on his hands so sometimes he sews sweaters for Sasuke to which Sasuke always wears 💗

Sakura: Sasuke it’s 90 degrees please take that sweater off before you have a heat stroke

Sasuke: I can’t…

Naruto: why? It looks dorky anyways

-naruto later went to the hospital for a broken nose. Don’t disrespect Itachi’s sewing🙄

Obito is honestly a jello mess around rin no matter how long they’ve been dating.

Obito, deidara, Kisame, and Konan all like kpop. Like they really be out here jamming to fancy by twice!

Hidan is illiterate…I’m sorry but that man can’t read to save his life

Kakuzu eats meat raw….yeah raw. He’s too lazy to cook it all the way. Cuz money is time or however that quote goes

Konan grows a single grey hair every time she’s with Hidan. He makes her head hurt but they’re buddies when they go to bars

Itachi is brutally honest he just says it in a kind way so it doesn’t come off too hard. 😌

Deidara and Sasuke have mad beef with each other. They wore the same slipknot shirt one day at the mall…(they were both shopping for eyeliner)

Pain has tattoos of all of the Akatsuki members names since he feels he’s the dad of the group. Of course kakazu was like…I’m older than you

Kakazu doesn’t understand memes like at all.

Kakazu: I had the worst yeet today or whatever y’all young people be saying

Hidan: ?????

Sasori is a picky eater. He only eats chicken tenders and strawberries. He only eats kisame, Itachi, and konan food because the rest suck at cooking

Hidan learned sign language to curse Deidara out when he realized he was deaf.

Nobody: Hidan curses you out in sign language

Itachi wears the thickest brim glasses ever

Kisame sleeps with lots of plushies. He likes the comfort :)

Obito and pain like to gamble but they both cheat and both haven’t figured it out yet…idiots

Konan and rin go shopping when they’re boyfriends are gambling. They love talking about their idiot boyfriends over a cup of coffee or tea while spending all their money

Sasori’s room is filled with vintage dolls. Deidara has a hard time sleeping at his apartment especially since sasori likes making dolls that look like him😭 like sasori this why you get zero ho

Sasori also makes voodoo dolls with strands of his hair. He’s so weird lmao

Orochimaru has a boa constrictor… no they should not have one but they do cuz they can

Zetsu favorite movie is the human centipede

Madara hates orphans 🤣 but fr

Hidan and Deidara fight with kids. They really be getting offended on what an eight year old said

Obito likes romantic movies. Kakashi clowns him for it and that the fact he likes kpop.

Konan has secretive piercings

Hidan: so where else do you have piercings

Konan: places you will never see

Hidan: inside your ear?

Konan: ….no

Kisame weight lifts. 🎶He’s buff he’s really really buff🎵

Itachi has five minute teeth routine for all the sugar he eats

Hidan washes his face with dish soap 😟 while Deidara, Itachi, konan are having a thirty minute skin care routine

Zetsu has eaten their pet fish before…um yeah

Rin is girlboss Obito is male wife

Orochimaru goes to jail every month and gets bailed out every time

Sasori uses cursed images to express how he feels since he’s bad at wording them. So if he’s in a bad mood he’ll show a really weird photo that expresses anger. It doesn’t work 90% of the time.

Zetsu: so it’s a cat with milk on its face

Sasori: yeah

Zetsu: and that represents what exactly?

Sasori: …I feel depressed

Zetsu: oh now I kinda see it

Kakazu likes watching the Akatsuki fight so he brings up controversial topics just to see everyone fight as he drinks his wine. Free entertainment

No one likes orochimaru yet he still comes to every event. Which is just awkward for everyone

Obito Tries to seem more young with slang and memes yet it’s just awful

Obito: we’re going to get lit at this party? Right homies?

Deidara ripping out his hearing aid

Hidan: Dude what?

Rin getting second hand embarrassment

Konan crying with laughter

Lol these generally don’t make sense but it was fun coming up with them! I literally love the headcanon of Deidara being Deaf and Obito and sasori being super awkward cute guys..they try their best. And konan and rin being best friends is literally my favorite thing ever

[vamp-stamp-fics]

The black phone Headcanons pt. 2

Fandom: the black phone

Word count: 1226

Tags: fluff, Headcanons, slight mentions of Finbin & Brance, some angst for Vance & Robin but not too much

The black phone hcs pt 1

A/n: here's part 2 of my tbp Headcanons

• going back to Robin liking Michael Jackson I feel like when he's doing chores he's having a whole concert in his living room, he's putting his SOUL into lip syncing/singing those lyrics. Sometimes he'll invite Finney over so they can dance around the living room to Mj lol

• Robin & Finney are childhood friends. How they met is that Robin saw finney alone on the school playground and decided to walk up to him and they stuck together since.

• Robin was the first to develop a crush on Finney while finney thought his attraction towards Robin was just extreme admiration. He talked to Gwen once about how much he admired Robins ability to not take shit from people and how much he likes hanging out with him, it finally clicked With Gwen and she explained to him that "Finney you might have a crush on him 😐" he stood there for a good 2 minute because realizeation hit him like a train of holy shit she's right

• Robin calls Finney Guey (someone said it meant dude but when I looked it up it meant smth else but progressed into being used as dude but that might be wrong so I apologize to my Spanish speaking readers in advance 💀) Finney understands little Spanish so he hopes whatever Robin's calling him isn't insulting

• Bruce is passive aggressive when insulting people while Vance is just upfront calling people cocksuckers he loves using that word

• speaking of Bruce being mean, ik alot of people characterized him as a Golden boy, the boy next door, sunshine but he can be mean as shit if he has to Don't tell me he can't be, y'all saw the way he looked when he thought finney was gonna win the game when he is he's sarcastic and somewhat of a smart ass. Vance finds it hilarious and encourages it when he gets that way

• Bruce is also extremely competitive even outside of Playing baseball. banned from playing board games with the gang cus it went to his head

• Vance is also banned from playing for the time being cus he almost broke his mother's vase out of anger which insued a scolding in front of the rest by his mom lol

• Vance is a great cook but he's like Gordon Ramsay whenever someone (besides his mom ofc) tries to help him

• Vances mom's Italian, his mom taught him how to cook when he was younger so that's why he's great in the kitchen lol

• Everyone survived/lived Au: this is a continuation of pt 1 of my Vance hcs with his mom when Vance got older (like older teens-young adult age) his mom got back in contact with him and decided to stay in his life for good

• Grab n Go used to have a vending machine but soon went out of order cus Vance kept punching it every time the food got stuck which was often, the thing was a piece of shit anyways as Vance would say

• English is Bruces second language and Japanese is his first, when he talks with his parents and sister he uses Japanese most of the time. obviously they speak English as well but when it's just the 4 of them they like to talk in their native language. Bruce sometimes likes to use it to confuse tf out of the rest of the group when talking with them. Robin thinks it's funny

• Robin will absolutely destroy the school lunch food after saying "it's not even that good" mf will eat that dry ass chicken sandwich like he's on death row and it's his last meal. Same for Vance tbh

• Robin favorite candy is Reese's absolutely devours them. Idk if Reese's pieces was a thing back in the 70s but if they were he fucks with them too. Finney also likes Reese's and M&Ms while Gwen prefers M&Ms more

• Robin's a single child but has a fuckload of cousins that visit him on holidays. He's secretly always wanted a little sibling (I mean he sees his baby cousins as his own siblings but they're not always around) so when finney introduces Robin to Gwen they immediately have a sibling relationship

• Robin's uncles has a son named Rick/Ricky. He's older than Robin (like around 17-19) Robin sees him as a older brother.

• since Rick is busy most of the time with work and school it's always a treat for Both him and Robin when he takes Robin (+ finney to ofc) to hangout

• Rick also has a girlfriend that finney might of used to have a small crush on lololol that sometimes also comes with them if she's free

• Vance uses a fucking trash bag as his backpack 💀 that or a backpack that's a thread from falling apart

• Griffin loves goldfish. He'd inhale a whole carton if he could but his mom always stops him before he can (talking about the snack not the actual fish)

• speaking of Griffin he's an absolute mamas boy. Always clings to her whenever They're in a store together

• Griffin bruises easily. He doesn't know why he just does, and what makes it worse is that he's a bit unaware of his surroundings sometimes so he's always bumping into things. His mom playfully scolds him about it while she kisses them to make them feel better

• Griffin is an extremely picky eater as a kid. Literally any fruit or vegetable he doesn't like except apples, oranges, and carrots. when he gets older tho he grows out of it a bit, still hates broccoli tho

• Griffin also is a bookworm. Loves books and likes sitting in the library during lunch sitting next to the shelves and read. He got his love for books from his mom as she is also a bookworm so they bond over that hobby

• if someone calls Vance an idiot or a dumbass it'll set him off. Vance hates when people insult his intelligence, school already makes him feel like shit as is he doesn't need some dickhead telling him he's stupid even as a "joke" like if it's his friend jokingly call him a dumbass once he'll laugh it off but if it's someone doing it to make fun of him they're catching a right hook

• Everyone survived/lived Au: when karate kid is realesed it became one of Robins all time favorite movies and had Finney watch it with him (also modern au: he absolutely loves Cobra Kai)

• when Vance died his mom found out in a newspaper after they found the bodies and broke down in her kitchen. Asking herself why was her baby taken

• and when Robin died it hurt too much for his mom to remarry or have other children as she felt it would be "replacing" her passing husband and son

Wow dropped those angst bombs out of nowhere. Sorry lol

• as much he likes to seem tough Robin absolutely hates spiders. He'll scream and violently stomps the shit out of it but if he's with the others he'll act like they're being overdramatic and kill it as if he isn't internally screaming with them. Finney knows but doesn't say anything

• Billy loves marvel and has a comic book collection. His favorite marvel character is spiderman

[wildfire317s-oc-box]

My nicknames for the demon slayer / kny characters (probably gonna be edited as time goes on):

Tanjiro: checkers, fox-cub, country bumpkin #1, cannon-ball, simba, glitched eevee

Nezuko: dynamite, foxlette, bunny-rabbit, local cleric

Zenitsu: bug-zapper, sparky, thunder, lightning bolt, zen-, simp lord, timone, pikachu

Inosuke: piggu, oinker, boar-boy, country bumpkin #2, mankey, pumba

Murata: squeaker, lucky clover, mister nine lives

Genya: fluff-ball, grumpy gills junior, half 'n' half, hyena-boy, beastie

Kanao: lucky-flip

Aoi: lapis, sky blue

Sabito: sabi-, fire fox, soggy/sabi-fox, fox-boy, the ginger, local red-head, short-stack, short-king, secret weasly

Makomo: momo-chan, sky-fox, quick-silver, shorty, daisy-chain

Giyuu: shadow, shadow-fox, fox-fox, espresso-depresso

Urokodaki: fox-dad, old man river

Kyojuro: Ren-, K(i)yo, Phoenix, fire-chicken, owl boy, (my apologies in advance) donut man

Shinjuro: mega butt-lord, maltov, head-butt practice, gunpowder fuse

Senjuro: owlet, Sen-, baby-phoenix, sweet bean

Kanae: monarch, lilac, sweet one

Shinobu: lavender, butterfly, grumpy one, chihuahua

Sanemi: feral-ass, gremlin man, feral pomeranian, cottonheaded ninimuggins, cotton poof, grumpy gills senior, shouty mc-lionmane the second (the original being nishiki from tokyo ghoul), deranged dandelion, dunkass

Uzui: loud-mouth, gaston knock-off, bastard ass, obnoxious mf, tryhard ninja, man-hoe, rich prick, pickpocket-bait, spoiled jackass, captain crack-head, testiclies high dumbass of testosterone

Muichiro: Mui-, -chiro, misty, cloudy-boy, spacer, space-cadet, pedo-buster, smol-bean

Mitsuri: love-bug, melon-stripes, best-girl (of the humans), cat-girl, sweet-girl

Iguro: snek, sneky-snek, snake-boy, snake-charmer, zebra-stripes, duo-chrome, dress boy (you all know the dress i mean if you look at his entire color-palette), icyhot, sneaky simp

Gyomei: gentle giant, beastie-tree, tibetin-mastiff, the tall one, prayer beads, mister budda beads

Kaigaku: Kai-, evil-sparky, local rogue, invert-color-zenitsu, black-lightning, gender-bent azula, tiger-cub

Kokushibo/mitchikatsu: koku-, mitchi-, -shibo, sixer, moony, Kaigaku's dad, ponytail

Douma: frosty, blondie, ink-splat, great-dane, daki & gyutaro's dad, rainbow-brain, lounge-lion, kaleidoscope eyes

Akaza/Hakuji: cat-boy, tabby-stripe, raging-bisexual, pinky, -kaza

Nakime: Naki, rapunzel, mademoiselle noir, Naki-nak's

Hantengu: -tengu, murder-hobo, bird-brain, lord of bullshitery, han-, mousey

Gyokko: shape of water, fish for brains, dollar-store axolotl, house-plant, shitty-wizard, pedo-fish, off brand anish kapoor

Daki: material-girl, alt-timeline barbie (if you know you know), miss wears pink on wednesdays

Gyutaro: pretty paint-splatter boy, cutie-spots, pretty pretty gyutaro, floofy-hair, sharky, snarky-shark, gyu-, taro-taro, hyena-shark, hyena-man, mantis, floof-floof-cotton-poof, paint/ink splatter cutie

Enmu: enmu the tank engine, train-boy, emu, goat-eyes, (^w^)/OwO face, crazy-train, (in reference to his disembodied hand alone) off brand thing, HMS (his majesty's simp), the OwO translator

Ubume: n/a

Rokuro: geode, lower moon dad 2, rock-uro

Hairo: grouchy wolf, grumpy guns, dollar store cowboy

Wakuraba: elf-ears, off-brand legolas

Mukago: fuzzball, whiskers, fluffy-horns

Rui: spidy, spider-boy, ru-ru, rui-ru, web-slinger, tiny bean, smol gremlin, precious pain in the ass, adorable lil shit, squishy, squishy-cheeks, raging ball of white fluff, spidy/spider-paws

Kamanue: baby-dragon, kama-kama, kama, nue

Kyogai: tiger-stripes, tiger, kyo-, looks like a dad (not even kidding he looks very similar to my actual dad just put a goatee on him), mister its a kilt, captain funky music, big drummer-boy, lower moon dad 1

Tamayo: tama-san, tama-tama, the science queen

Yushiro: bratty-cat, simp king

Susumaru: maru, susu, maru-chan

Yahaba: triple a, mister hand-eye coordination, off brand death the kid

[bradshawsbitch]

god... bradley is so--- incredibly hot that's my mf baby chicken