#that's the kind of petty i aspire to be

[eg515]

Elementary!Sherlock is superior because when he was angry and had to make several phone calls he dug out a rotary phone from his storage closet to be able to hang up on people with more emphasis

[fuchsianreactor]

dude historians are so goddamn annoying it’s unreal. like i’ll go looking for an interpretation on a specific subject for my dissertation and the only thing that comes up is always like ‘a comment on dickfuck’s examination of sixteenth century politics structures’ and obviously i want the original examination itself to cite so i go looking for that but I can only find the original guy’s reaction essay like ‘a response to donkey brains’ missing of the point’ and it keeps going on like that and they’re all published like 4 years apart and then when i -finally- find the original it turns out that it actually -does- suck and wasn’t even that relevant or useful to my own dissertation anyway, or if it is it’s basically covering things I’ve seen already a billion times in other works i just aaaaaaaaa

[txttletale]

lowkey that does seem to be what your old argument was implying about artists though, that if you own the intellectual property (as you do with your games) then that somehow automatically makes you an aspiring petit bourgeoisie. genuinely, am I misunderstanding something about your earlier description of the petit bourgeoisie as a concept? hope you're having a good day

yea like i mean it is just factually true that the position of the independent artist is not a proletarian one, most independent artists are artisans and the more succesful ones are petty bourgeois. but yknow class positions aren't like, rpg classes, innate aspects of the self, they're just relations to economic means of production. when i say that independent artists aspire to be petty bourgeois it is because quite simply that is the path to economic success for them! to make the next hazbin hotel or digital circus or whatever and be able to hire proletarian artists to work on their properties while retaining ownership and profiting from it.

the reason the bait ask was silly was because it was implying some kind of moral or artistic superiority in art created by proletarians (in their capacity as exploited labour), not because they correctly identified that d&d artist drawing epic wholesome found family art splashes and i have different economic relations to our work

[glitterycvm]

✿ SHUT UP BEFORE I KISS YOU ✿

[•~badboy!toge inumaki x goodytwoshoes!reader, fluff~•]₊˚⊹

[•~synopsis: skipping class with your rebellious boyfriend once couldn't hurt?~•]

"toge! wait!" you holler, as the blonde haired boy drags you across the school. toge didn't listen though, as he continued to take you two to the back of the school. "we're gonna get caught!" you whine. you couldn't afford to have a single offense on your record. you were working so hard to get into the top college, and couldn't risk loosing it all just because of your boyfriend, toge.

toge didn't have the best reputation at the school. he was on the quieter side, but don't let that fool you. he was always known to stir up trouble left and right. always getting into petty little fights, or smoking blunts with his other jerk friends. most students at the highschool often feared him, not wanting to get into drama with him. because it was a known fact that if you had an issue with toge inumaki, you were not getting out of it in one piece.

what surprised all of jujutsu high was when the two of you officially became a couple. for starters you were the usual goody two shoes. always following the rules to a T, always studying and preparing, and you would never dare get involved with anything remotely bad. you were what most kids aspired to be. you had the perfect academic life ahead of you. but what is someone so kind and smart doing with a guy so careless, and risky?

so here you two were, toge was walking you to class, or that's what he had told you. but you noticed that he walked right past the hallway of your class. and then the bell rung, making the two of you tardy. it was the first tardy you've gotten the whole year too. so as you frantically whined to toge, babbling about "my record will be ruined!!, toge please let's just go to class!!" he continued to lead you across the whole school. he found your complaints cute rather than annoying.

"cmon just skip w me this one period" he cooes, his hand giving yours a little squeeze of reassurance. you shake your head frantically "w-what if we get caught??" you panic, thinking about the mass amounts of trouble you would get into. toge chuckles "relax baby, I got you..." he affirms, "plus the administration sucks anyways, they won't be able to catch us." he adds on, leading you to a random empty hallway

it was a no brainer that toge was a pro at skipping class. he knew all the hiding spots, the best hallways and lies if you two did get caught. knowing this you felt a little better about the situation, but you still were hella anxious. toge smirks as he notices you were still very scared.

"you know I wouldn't let anything happen to you right?" he hums, arms around your waist as he looks into your eyes. "right now I need you to trust me Y/N" he affirms, a hand tucking some hair behind your ear. you nod slowly "you promise no one's gonna get us? you know if we do get caught, I'll get in so much trouble" you ask "and I don't want you to get in trouble either, toge" you respond, arms around his neck. the innocence in your eyes evident as you looked right back at him. oh the way you were so responsible and smart. the way you were so innocence just made toge wanna corrupt you even more

toge smiles "promise..." but just as toge finished his sentence, the sound of heels clicking on the cold tile floors echos nearby, the keys jingling along. your heart dropped at the sound and you frantically look at toge, awaiting for his decision. toge quickly grabs your hand, leading you two to the nearest janitors closet. the moment was going by so quickly you couldn't even process what was going on.

the doors of the closet open wide quickly as toge slams them open, hastily shoving you and himself inside. he shuts the doors close swiftly, before looking back at you. the closet was narrow and slim, not giving the two of you much room to move around in. so you two were pushed up against each other. so close toge could feel your frantic breaths on his neck.

"so much for not getting caught?!" you scoff, crossing your arms. and you continued to ramble on about how this was all a bad idea. and how you two were screwed. toge rolls his eyes at your panicked state. you notice he wasn't listening and huff loudly. the footsteps get louder and louder. the drop in your stomach intensifying, your heartbeat was racing and your breaths were rapid. toge on the other hand was calm. he knew the admin would simply walk by. but with the sounds you were making it may cause them to get suspicious.

toge leans in, his breath leaving cool sensations on your neck as he whispers cautiously in your ear. "y/n, I need you to be quiet right now." he commands, the footsteps still echoing in the hallway. you were appalled by his command. how could he expect you to stay so calm while your whole future could be at risk right now?

"calm?! you want me to be calm?! I'm sorry but-" and then boom. toges lips crashed onto yours, cutting you off. you close your eyes and feed into his kiss. the sensation of his soft lips interlocking with yours. you were now focusing on him and him only. toge's hand raced to your waist, the other caressing your face. you let toge push you up against the closet. what started as a soft simple kiss was soon escalating into a heated makeout session. and as your arms wraps around his neck, the sound of the footsteps fade away.

you pull back from the kiss, a string of saliva connects your lips. you whisper softly in his ear, "I think we can go back out now..." you say. toge looks back at you, eyes half open as he reawakens himself from the tranquility that kiss brought him. toge sighs and brings you closer to him, your body now directly next to his, as he whispers hoarsely, "nah we can stay in here..."

[sunshineandspencer]

Glorified Assistant (Iridescent, Part 2)

A/N: This is more for Maeve and Spencer!! And honestly I hate writing enemies to lovers, I believe in makeout on sight, so enjoy me trying to make a believable hatred.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!OC.

Summary: She’s been given paid leave to basically be Spencer’s assistant, and it almost isn’t worth it.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: swearing, spencer is an ass™

Parts: Pt1, Pt3

Let me stress, this is not Maeve from the show, but my own Maeve just named the same to send Spencer into hell whenever he thinks about it.

Here is more of Maeve and Spencer.

Maeve thought she was home and free.

She hadn’t been fired (score!), and now Spencer was going away for his mandated thirty days off. Apparently he was doing some teaching at the local college, good for him, it also means they won’t have to interact and hopefully he gets his head out of his ass so that she doesn’t cry when they work together.

They’d left on a particularly sore note, considering that she’d been the one to drive him home and he made it very clear how much he hated the entire interaction.

Of course, he didn’t say a word, struggling to fit into her little, gorgeous dark blue mini and then clenching white-knuckled to his knees for the entire journey. He, actually, didn’t say a thing until he got out of the car, slamming the door shut and turning to scowl at her.

“You’re a fucking maniac. Take some more damn lessons.”

As he stormed off into his apartment, annoyingly only five minutes from her own building, she grumbled under her breath. She’d only grazed maybe one curb, and that wasn’t even her fault, it jumped out at her.

Whatever, she’d been able to sleep easy knowing that she wouldn’t have to see him for several more weeks, giving her time to prepare.

…

Until she was woken by her phone ringing at 5am, answering it blindly because she’s used to work calling her at stupid hours. It was her boss.. however, she was asked to take thirty days of paid leave - which she’s surprised the Bureau can even afford - to be the one to take Spencer too and from the college and just kind of shepherd him around for whatever he needed.

Apparently his car, old and vintage as it was, had been idle for too long and wouldn’t start. Since Spencer can’t be bothered to sort it out, and Maeve lives closest, and she’s his partner, obviously this falls to her to deal with.

Maeve, forever a pushover and unable to say no to any figure of authority, agreed and practically threw her phone across the room when she was done.

Understandably, she didn’t get any more sleep, getting ready for the day with the only solace that he looks like an idiot in her car. Making them both a coffee and putting them into her reusable travel cups, trying not to listen to the little voice telling her to drive into a wall.

After about ten minutes of calling him and getting no answer, she gets out of her illegally parked car and storms up. Although it’s really hard to storm anywhere in an elevator.

Hammering on his door, it took all of two seconds before it flew open and he barged past her, causing her to scowl over at him.

“Damn! Watch it! What’s your problem today?”

He barely looked at her, locking the door behind her as he struggled with a bunch of papers in his hands. A harsh frown on his face that matched his equally-pissed voice.

“Fucking coffee machine broke.”

“I got you one already, Christ..” Sucking in a breath and following after him as he goes for the stairs, thankfully he only lives on the third floor. “What’s with the papers?”

Spencer went ahead of her on the stairs, and she found herself rushing after him and his stupidly long legs. Cursing him with all the colourful words that she knows on her way after him.

“Car insurance, I’m driving today.”

Insurance? He got insured on her car without telling her? All to avoid her driving. This man is a level of petty that teenage girls aspire to be, and she has to resist the urge to pout as she trailed out of the building after him.

“But why? My driving wasn’t--”

“Stop asking so many questions and get in your little clown car.”

Quietly fuming, she didn’t even thank him as he held open the passenger door for her, sliding into the seat and picking up her coffee. Drinking it and trying to squash the thoughts of throttling him.

As he gets into the driver seat and immediately starts rearranging everything, her mirrors, seat, radio, she wonders just how long it would take for someone to realise that he’s missing.

Before he even drove off, gripping the wheel far too hard for her liking, he spoke lowly and glared ahead. As if he was stopping himself from glaring at her.

“Don’t come up to my apartment again. I will come to you. I expect you to be ready by six thirty, and since you have a working machine, you can make the coffees.”

“.. just drive already.”

She’s going to kill him by the end of this.

Considering she got paid to leave to, essentially, be Spencer’s glorified assistant, she decided to make the most of it.

Plus, annoyingly, his lectures are actually pretty interesting - as much as she tried to stop giving a shit. Between running to get him more coffees, again assistant, and handing out things to the students, she gets to sit and just listen to him talk about whatever content he chooses.

Psychopaths, mainly, their brains and behaviours, which she enjoyed immensely when she studied psychology and criminology. Damn, but.. he’s really good to listen to.

By the third lecture of the day, she was sat at the desk to the side of the platform, usually reserved for teaching assistants, scribbling in a pretty lilac notebook she bought from the student store. Taking actual notes for his lecture, thoroughly enjoying the content of the lecture and not the fact that it’s Spencer.

Spencer had noticed, immediately, of course, and hated it. 

He doesn’t know what she’s hoping to achieve, or prove, because it definitely isn’t impressing him, and he can’t fathom the idea that she’s doing the work to just do the work. Why would she, after he’s purposely been an ass to her purely for existing.

There’s no way she’s actually just paying attention.

So, to test her, for his own morbid curiosity and the need to try and embarrass her in front of all these people, he decided it would be fun to throw random questions to her. Not even related to the topic he was covering. To him, she doesn’t seem like the kind of person to handle stress well.

As he proposed hypothetical questions to the students, he turned to Maeve with a grin on his face, which she finds much more unnerving than a scowl. Hands clapping together as he brought all the attention onto her.

“And for my.. assistant.” Oh, yeah, she absolutely hates that, even more than his smug little grin. “What are the disadvantages of Mary Ainsworth’s study when examining infant attachment?”

Now it was time for her own smug little grin to settle on her lips, which he certainly didn’t like the implications of.

It was clear that he hadn’t expected her to know the answer, or even have enough of a knowledge base to even remotely know what he was talking about. Thankfully she had always been a pushover, and when her friends begged for her to sit in on their presentations in college, she learnt a lot. Especially the ones who presented developmental psychology.

Also, a few times she opted to speak in front of lectures purely because she felt bad for the lecturers when no one would volunteer, which meant she was quickly forced to grow out of her fear of public speaking. Leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms, getting comfortable.

“Mary Ainsworth was American. And she made an American based model, off American children and families, testing it solely in America. It cannot be generalised to other countries.”

“But-”

He tried to cut her off, but she wasn’t done yet. That wasn’t nearly enough to feel like she’d finally won something between them.

“And. When it was, by Kroonenberg and Ijzendoorn, it was proven to have terrible generalisation. Because other cultures and countries have very different ways of rearing children that don’t fit her American guidelines.”

Spencer looked like he wanted to vault the desk and strangle her, and if it weren’t for the crowd of whispering students, he probably would’ve done. Giving him a soft smile, which only he knew was completely fake, she picked her pen back up and tapped her notebook.

“If that’s all, Doctor Reid, I was enjoying your lecture on psychopathic brains.”

And as she looks back down, he has to force himself to continue lecturing to curb the rumours he can hear being created by suddenly-dejected female students. Trying not to sigh at the knowledge that people are going to think they’re sleeping together.

Throwing one last glare her way, not even needing his profiling to know that she so gets off on calling him ‘Doctor Reid’. The simultaneous irritation and begrudging admiration was making him dizzy, wanting nothing more to chuck something at her head.

Whatever, on the way home, he’ll take the longest route he knows to run her petrol down to nothing. Anything to get another mental tally on their growing rivalry.

Want more?! Good!

[solarwoniii]

heyyy!! just wondering if i could request “zb1 legal line reaction to catching their s/o masturbating” hehehehheheehehe if not all goodzz 💗💗

reaction to catching you touching yourself ! zb1 legal line

smut, crack, some fluff ! includes jiwoong, zhanghao, hanbin, matthew, taerae and ricky

contains ; dacryphilia, punishments, i think thats all? lmk if i missed any T^T

a/n ; THANK U FOR UR REQUEST ♡ HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THIS

jiwoong ;

would laugh at you but not in a cute funny quirky silly way

that low kind of dominant chuckle that makes you realise.

you fucked up.

he'd pull up a chair beside the bed and insist for you to continue in that same scary tone ur mum talks in when u forget to wash the dishes 😰😰😰😨😨

and then he'll force you to make yourself cum until you're crying while he sat there and watched because you're not allowed to stop until he says.

then he'll finally touch you.

with his fingertips.

just to fuck with you more because he's a petty little bitch

edging you until you're shaking, eyes rolling back, body arching

and then, and only then will you get to cum.

zhanghao ;

finds it cute that you think you're so big and strong now

puts ur ass in its place so fast 🫣🫣

love bites all over you

your body is his canvas and his marks are his art 😵😶

actually, this timing is perfect

he'd been waiting for you to misbehave so he could try out the new vibrator he got for you

edges you again and again, just to rip away your orgasm and have you crying

when you finally cum you both know damn well it's not over 💀 keeps the vibrator in that exact spot and refuses to move it until you cum another three times.

i'm sorry i just think mean dom hao is extremely accurate and attractive

hanbin ;

i think he would genuinely laugh at you 💀

and you would try to be mad at him for laughing at you but his stupid laugh is unfortunately extremely contagious 😭😔

when he's done laughing at you he'll come and help you

i think it would be all giggly and fluffy and cute though

and then you would cuddle naked (i feel like hanbin wld enjoy this so much during aftercare esp idk) and gossip LMFAO

matthew ;

GETS SO SHY I SWEAR JSJSJSJS

THE PERSONIFICATION OF 😳

quickly closes the door behind him before anyone else can see what he's seeing

'd-do u want me to . . .' 'o-oh ok'

he's flustered but he will help you feel good 😭

turns into a cute little mutual masturbation session after u notice the boner building up in his pants from the sight of u T^T

when you both finish he'll clean you up and then be a little cutie patootie

'uhmmm there was this disney movie i really wanted to watch with you so could we maybe do that now ? 👉👈'

taerae ;

just smiles and locks the door behind him when he realises what you're doing

'do you need my help baby?'

he'll sit beside you and replace your hand with his

helps you reach the best orgasm of your life with his skilled fingers

idk i genuinely don't think he would get mad

but he'll remind you that you can always come to him if you're feeling needy.

kisses

so many kisses

he'll give you more than his fingers after as well if you still want more ;))

ricky ;

YEAH THATS RIGHT WE'RE BACK TO PUSSY SLAPPER RICKY BECAUSE MY LOVE MIYUKI PUT THE THOUGHT INTO MY HEAD AND I REFUSE TO LET GO

when he walks in i think he'd get flustered but he'd quickly cover it up because being seen like that by you hurts his precious ego

AGAIN LOW DOMINANT CHUCKLE he takes after jiwoong because he aspires to one day be that cool and strong but u already know he's a cute little softie

'if you wanted me to treat you like a little whore you could've just said so, baby.'

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 😭😶🫣😵😳😰😭😶

gets you up on all fours and spanks your pussy until it's swollen and dripping.

then he'll mark your body up and take photos of you for his little collection 😨

eats you out (prolly makes u sit on his face too bc he's a little freak)

[neiptune]

I think there's been a glitch

c/w: 6k wc, wedding date trope, friends to (possible) lovers, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cheating, levi's smoothness has your brain short circuiting

Just as expected: you’re hating every second of it.

You love your family, you really do. Doesn’t matter how loud and overexcited and nosy they are, it’s always nice to take a few days off to travel back home. Sometimes it’s for birthdays, minor special occasions, surprise visits. Nothing was spontaneous about this specific occasion, though. Train tickets were bought months in advance, your dress picked facetiming your mom (she insisted), your arrival highly anticipated by aunts and uncles and cousins and old friends all coming together for the most significant event of the century: your little brother’s wedding.

To be absolutely honest, the day had a good start. Waking up at dawn didn’t bother you, not with the nutritious breakfast your mom had prepared and the excitement stirring behind your brother’s tense smile. The wedding was agreed to have a mix of traditional shinto-style (to please the bride’s family) and more laid back, western-style influences, something your family has always been accustomed to, given your dad’s roots.

The ceremony held at the shrine was emotional even for you. Hiromi looked gorgeous in her uchikake, gold threads and foil with motifs of waves and cranes standing out on a bright crimson base. You watched them drink the sake and exchange cups first, then vows and wedding rings. It was so hard to process than the man getting married was the same kid who once pooped himself in his crib at daycare and then proceeded to take off his diaper to play with the poop like it was play-doh. Sweet, sweet memories.

Everything started going downhill at the fancy hotel where the reception was set to be held.

The convention room is blinding in its beauty: white pillars, draping fabrics, pretty fairy lights and elegant floral arrangements compliment the venue and the minimalist but luxurious style your families decided to go with. You’re not foreign to wealth, your parents have worked hard to grant you and your sibling a comfortable life and you’re grateful for them. What you don’t like about your family, is how for your aunts and uncles and cousins, everything should constantly be tied to money and profit. Which is why they all turn up their noses when you reply to the dreaded “what’s your job again?” question. Which is why, at every family reunion, you’re forced to sit with your younger cousins and take part in the salary conversation (they could literally compare and brag for hours about raises and bonuses and working overtime and paid vacations). Which is why Aiko, already CEO of a join-stock company at her young age, had first introduced you to one of the employees from the financial department.

Floch Forster was certainly attractive, a real gentleman who’d take you out for fancy dinners, casual dates and fun rides on his flashy, red porsche cayenne. You liked him but your family had always liked him more, your brother going out for drinks with him, your dad inviting him over more and more frequently to watch baseball games or ask for help for the restoration of his old kawasaki ninja, a project he’d been working on for a while.

In the end, the relationship simply didn’t work out and you broke up with him in the most amicable way possible, the time spent together still worth cherishing. You were just too different from each other: his interests not matching yours, his friends way too stuck-up, his parents looking at you like you were some kind of gold digger.

But that’s when he became petty, cruel even, mocking your dreams, deriding your aspirations, sharp edged phrases and words thrown your way so harshly they still dance around your brain from time to time.

Are you surprised by his presence at your brother’s wedding? No. You knew he’d be invited, they’re still friends and you never really told your sibling how the separation actually went down. Is it shocking that he’s here with a pretty brunette anchored to his arm? Also no. He might be an asshole but he’s hot and rich, two qualities weighing pretty damn heavily on the bachelor scale. He’s also the main reason why you’d asked your painfully stoic, blasé friend to accompany you to the reception.

Yes, it was both a childish and desperate move, but you were willing to take drastic measures to save face before your very much extended very much elitist very much expectant family after the fatal phone call with your mom where you’d suddenly blurted out that you’d bring a special someone with you to the wedding.

Your love life (aka currently a big big void made of emotional unavailability & crippling loneliness) was yet another topic open to be attentively scrutinized by those around you. Normally you don’t mind, you really don’t, but just this one time you wanted it to be different. As much as you try not to let it get to you, the facts are that your younger brother is now married, your hot rich ex boyfriend has probably already proposed to his new girlfriend, you still haven’t been given the raise you were expecting and it plainly just sucks to be alone at weddings. It’s the fourth one you have attended on your own now and you can tell by your aunt’s sympathetic gaze and your cousins’ knowing giggles that you’re not gonna be able to push the he had to attend an emergency meeting with external partners lie any longer.

Frustration makes your stomach churn. Why couldn’t he have indulged you just this once?

“Oh, come on”

“No”

“Please!”

“Still no”

“I can beg”

“You’ve been begging for the past ten minutes”

“I can beg better?”

Levi’s resolute glare didn’t soften like it did on the rare occasions when he accommodated your requests.

“Why do you even need this?”

You heaved a deep sigh over his obstinacy, index finger lazily tracing the edge of the steaming cup in front of you. You’ve always been a coffee person but his is the only tea you’ll drink.

“D’you want the honest answer or the pathetic, moping one?”

He raised an eyebrow with a far too evident interest that had you rolling your eyes.

“Both”

“Well, if you must know, it’s because I’m a lame, lonely, disappointment of an adult who’s scared of facing her family’s overcritical comments and knowing glances at her younger sibling’s wedding” you paused to take a deep breath “that and the fact that I already lied and said I was gonna bring someone and my perfect ex everyone loves so much is gonna be there”

Levi slowly took a sip from his own cup, the classic bergamot flavor notes lingering with tantalizing velvety softness on his tongue.

“They both sound pathethic and moping to me”

You shrugged with a weak smile.

“They’re both honest, too”

“You’re gonna be fine” he pushed the little plate of shortbreads towards you.

“Did you hear the part about my perfect ex?” nevertheless, you accepted the cookie offer and, much to your friend’s horrified expression, dipped one into your tea prior to taking a bite.

“Give him my love” Levi ignores your frown and, more importantly, the annoyance he felt listening to you belittling yourself so blatantly.

“Okay” a defeated sigh leaves your lips as you take another cookie “not sure why I thought you’d get it”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Mouth still full, you gestured vaguely with your hands, tiny crumbs attached to your fingertips catching his attention for a split second before you speak again.

“Why would you? You’re a functioning adult. Should’ve asked someone as fucked up as me, maybe Reiner from the marketing department will—”

“A functioning adult?” Levi cut in, tone oozing with skepticism “that’s new. You usually refer to me as the clean freak with a stick up his ass”

“Which you are” your clarification is met with another glare “but you wouldn’t understand what being lame means”

“How so?” he challenged, eyes narrowed and some sort of weird warmth in the pit of his stomach he didn’t know how to shake off.

“You have your shit together, Levi. M’sure your family wouldn’t shoot sympathetic gazes your way if you showed up to your brother’s wedding on your own”

“I don’t have a brother”

“Not the point” you let out an obnoxious groan as you slightly pushed the empty cup away and dropped your head to rest on your overlapped arms, forehead pressing on the soft fabric of your sleeve. Levi sat still, grey eyes fixed on you.

“You’re not lame, idiot” no one else would’ve been able to tell that his tone had gone softer “I’m not dating anyone either and you still think I’m a functioning adult”

Exasperated, you turn your head so that your cheek is now pressed to your wrist as you glare at him.

“But that’s your choice. You don’t like anyone. While I had three of my coworkers come to my desk just to ask who the handsome dude passing by to bring me a homemade bento box was”

Half a smile dripping with smugness tugged at his lips, one that caused you to roll your eyes again.

“Don’t even” you warn, already gagging at the idea of him considering to visit you at work more often “forget I said anything. I’ll handle it”

As Levi inched across the table to flick your forehead and then got up to collect your cups, you had to quickly whisk away the thought of how much your family would have genuinely liked someone like him too.

On second thought, it’s not really fair to blame him. You might not be a greatly functioning one, but you’re still an adult. You can face something as trivial as the disappointment of multiple generations of your family, right? Either way, it would’ve felt wrong. It would’ve been awkward. Levi is stiff, way too cold, the opposite of cordial. He would hardly be credible as the good friend he actually is, let alone pass for a boyfriend. Has he ever even dated someone? You’re sure he has, given how weirdly popular he is. Yeah, there was one girl, what was her name again? Petra? Ugh, he hardly shares anything truly personal with you anyway. Sure, you can guess he’s a good partner. Handsome, kind, talented enough to cook killer meals, maybe even good in bed. It just wouldn’t hurt him to be a little more… amicable. But maybe that’s what women find attractive? The fact that he’s like this weird, interesting secret thing to continuously discover and unwrap until it suddenly turns into the perfect, passionate lover any woman wants to end up with?

The champagne you’re downing at the hotel bar is proving to be a wonderful ally, although your mind currently seems to be wandering a little. Or it was, at least until a familiar, awfully close and quite frankly unsettling voice causes a harsh return to the pathetic reality you’re trying to escape.

“Drowning your sorrows in alcohol? You haven’t changed at all” the venomous smile on his face is so painfully familiar it has your insides twisting right away.

“I’m really not in the mood, leave me alone” you mutter, not even sparing him a glance as you stubbornly focus on the golden bubbles popping in your freshly filled flute.

But Floch takes a seat right next to you and elegantly orders two martinis.

“Shaken, not stirred” he adds, to live up to yet another clichè. You can hardly suppress a snort.

“I would argue you already are. Alone, I mean” the rhythmic drumming of his fingers on the mahogany counter distracts you for a few seconds. When your gaze finally meets his, the fake sympathy glistening mischievously in his amber eyes almost has you barfing on the spot.

“Where’s your trophy wife? Is she even legal?”

Unperturbed, Floch smiles sweetly at you.

“She reminds you of yourself, doesn’t she? A young dove in need of rescue, held captive by the wrong guy” he inches closer, smile growing wider “but she’s nothing like you. You’re too exhausting to love, no one in their right mind would choose that”

And just like that, memories that cut as deep as razors make their way back to you right then and there.

If you really want to lose weight you shouldn’t eat the free bread at restaurants.

I feel like you’re faking this just to make me feel guilty.

You’re not that attractive anymore, you know that?

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Could’ve done so much better than you all this time.

Now I don’t feel so bad about having cheated.

The flute in your hand might very well shatter from how tightly you’re holding it, knuckles white as two drinks gracefully slide in front of you. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid, not him entirely but letting him know that he can still get under your skin.

“Fuck you” in a final, desperate attempt at playing off your discomfort as indifference, you hold him level in your gaze, a boldness so weak it has him chuckling.

“Am I interrupting something?”

You both turn to your right, the shock laced into your features comical enough to be met with a patient, slight smile.

Levi looks nothing less than dashing in his black suit, hands buried in the pockets of pants you wouldn’t even think he’d own. Since you’re pretty sure the alcohol has you hallucinating at this point, you open your mouth to voice your surprise, Floch’s presence long forgotten and filed away at the back of your mind. But right before you can sabotage yourself with dumb, unnecessary inquiries, Levi takes a step forward and with one, swift motion, cradles your cheek in his hand to gently press his lips to your forehead.

“Sorry I’m late” he murmurs, fighting back another smile before the dumbstruck way you keep looking at him.

“We haven’t met” Levi’s eyes follow the voice and flicker to the person sitting next to you. That’s when you snap back to reality once again. Goddamn, maybe the champagne wasn’t that good of an ally after all.

“We haven’t” he replies and Floch introduces himself, offering a hand that never gets shaken. Levi gives him a nod instead, a silvery gaze cold as steel you’ve never seen him direct to anyone. Perhaps that’s why it makes you shiver.

“Should we go? I’d like to meet your parents” his voice is kind as he looks at you again and you accept the support of his hand to hop down from the barstool. He doesn’t let go as he guides you away from the hotel bar and lightly squeezes your hand even if it’s cold and clammy.

“How are you here? When… why?” you whisper, still unable to shake off the shock of his sudden, unexpected presence.

“Stop asking dumb questions and play your part”

That’s more like it, you think. Thank god for the infuriating, irritating tone and impatient glare. Their familiarity will certainly be enough to ground you despite the warmth you can still feel on your forehead, right where his lips were pressed a few seconds earlier.

But then he looks at you again, head slightly tilted to the side, eyes slowly taking in your figure so blatantly, in a way so uncommon for him, it has the same warmth from before exploding in your chest as well.

“You look very nice, by the way”

Fuck being grounded, apparently.

The champagne is no longer buzzing in your veins but it might as well be since your mind feels all over the place and you haven’t had a single second to collect your thoughts. Not in the middle of so many introductions, your mother’s obnoxious questions, your very much tipsy aunt’s inappropriate jokes, the microphone you had to approach and the speech you had to give in front of hundreds of people, one of them always focused on you with such intensity you won’t have to rewatch the videotape at family reunions to know that words came out ungraceful and wrong.

To be honest, the most unsettling thing is how smoothly the whole thing is going. It’s not weird, it’s definitely not awkward and he seems to be in complete control. Staggered, you’re left watching with wonder floating in incredulous eyes, a Levi you don’t think you’ve ever met before. It’s so effortless, the way he speaks to people he’s never met before and manages to come off as interesting, witty, charming. He’s smiling, he’s even respectfully offering elegant chuckles to uncomfortably personal questions and stories you just know he doesn’t actually think are funny.

As you dine at the table filled with curious old friends and noisy cousins, for the first time able to stay silent as all the attention is directed towards someone other than yourself, a weird thought crosses your mind. Levi, your friend Levi, fits so well. He’s perfectly at ease around chatty strangers, bold roses, tea lights and candles in clear metallic holders. How’s that even possible? The Levi you know, your Levi, curses under his breath if his usual barista tries to make small talk. He grunts if the cashier at the cinema chirps an overly excited hope you enjoy the movie, sir. You literally know he’s once replied to one of his clients’ email with please stop hoping your email finds me well, it never does.

So who’s the person sitting next to you, warm knee flush against yours underneath the table, features relaxed, pink tinted cheeks, courtesy of the cabernet sauvignon you’ve been served? It has your head spinning, the thought of him enduring a 4-hour train trip (he hates trains) to reach a town he’s never been to (he hates Kobe and its humid, subtropical climate) to attend a wedding (he hates social gatherings) as your date. What had him changing his mind? When did he change it? How is he so good at coming off as this bundle of… of… confidence and magnetism and graciousness?

He’s been impeccable so far, going as far as to bring a shugi-bukuro envelope with 50.000 JPY inside as a wedding gift.

Isn’t that what they’d expect from the groom’s sister’s partner?

Clearly, you have every intention of giving him that money back. As soon as you recover from the sudden and absolutely unexplainable embarrassment you feel every time his eyes flicker to you during a conversation or the shudder that runs down your spine when his hand gently presses on the small of your back to guide you from one table to the other, as different family members and friends of yours excitedly motion you to approach them.

It doesn’t have anything to do with him specifically, you tell yourself. It’s just the shame you must be feeling at carrying out such a pathetic act in front of everyone, it’s the awkwardness of having forced one of your closest friends to go out of his way to support your stupid, childish plan that now has you feeling all weird and vulnerable. Levi is not being his usual self and that makes you uncomfortable because you’re not allowed to be your usual self in turn. No sarcastic remarks, no witty comebacks, not a drop of the usual teasing you enjoy annoying him with.

It’s not him, it’s the whole setting. That’s what you tell yourself when Levi asks you to dance.

“Why?” you come off as defensive and he furrows his brows, confused.

“Because it’s what couples do at weddings?”

“We don’t have to” you’re not sure what you’re doing at this point “you can’t even dance”

He huffs at that, inching a little closer to casually lift the strap of your cocktail dress, cool fingertips barely brushing the skin of your arm as they guide the thin length of fabric up to your shoulder. The simple, intimate gesture stirs something in you.

“Are you coming or not? He’s watching”

You follow his gaze and meet Floch’s, three tables to the left. At this point the thought of him seems so worthless, so distant in time, you don’t even care about his judgmental glare anymore. But you don’t have the chance to make that clear, because your date whispers a soft “come on” so close to your ear his voice seems to trickle down your spine just to make you shiver and then offers his arm as an invitation for you to get up.

Regular you would’ve mocked the gesture, called him a victorian ghost or something. Current you, on the other hand? Apparently she’s accepting the support of his arm and can barely register Aiko’s excited squeal as she follows him all the way to the different couples already filling up the middle of the convention room, too disoriented to even remember she is the one who can’t dance. Still, the upbeat rhythm of the song being played is familiar enough to give you a false sense of security: you can wing it. Until you can’t. Because right as you position yourself in front of your friend with a tense smile, the familiar beat is abruptly taken from you. The music doesn’t stop, it just has the audacity to change into an excessively romantic, exceptionally slow, sappy track.

But Levi doesn’t look as dazed as you. He doesn’t waver as he pulls you close with one swift motion, right hand warm on your back while you barely have the time to balance yourself, fingers tightening around the fabric of his jacket, right above the shoulder.

“You’re being weird” he clasps your other hand, one eyebrow raised in that overcritical way of his.

“You’re being weird” you parrot back.

“What d’you mea—fuck” he curses as quietly as possible when you stomp on his foot, looking down for the first time to notice how weirdly and out of step you’re actually moving.

“Shit, sorry!” you, on the other hand, are not as quiet and attract the unwanted attention of the couple dancing nearby.

“What exactly are you doing?” Levi’s tone is familiarly mocking, which takes some of the weird awkwardness away.

“I’m not really good at this, okay?” you retort, praying your harsh reply remains private this time. Amused, he hums.

“No way”

“Shut up” you whine and accidentally step on his expensive leather shoe again, hard enough to make him hiss.

“Just follow my lead” Levi gives your left hand an impatient squeeze and you scoff with a theatrical ugh.

“Sexist”

He rolls his eyes but says nothing because you comply and honestly try to keep track of how he’s moving, intensely focused on not trampling on his foot again.

“Hey” his voice is dangerously soft once again “eyes on me”

Reluctantly, you look up from your feet and take a deep breath.

“Why are you this tense?”

“M’not a good dancer” you blurt the words out, as if to convince yourself. He’s noticed, of course he’s noticed. Idiot.

“Okay” Levi stops for a moment and gently grabs your wrists to guide your arms around his neck. He then positions his hands on your hips and applies the slightest pressure to guide your movements. “Better?” he asks and you know he’s just wondering if this is easier for you, but the dryness of your throat seems to be taking over your ability to speak. You resort to a simple nod as he sways to the beat, feet barely lifting while stepping from side to side. You get accustomed to the movement after a while and manage to move your body slowly back and forth, the comfort of not feeling like a wooden block allowing you to relax a little.

“How are you so good at this?” it almost sounds like you’re accusing him, must be why he cracks a smile.

“Took a few classes with Hange, they were obsessed and had no one else to go with”

You’re finally able to let out a genuine, incredulous laugh.

“I’m sorry, what? So you just joined? Goodness of your heart?”

Levi shrugs.

“They had to buy me lunch for a month. Totally worth it”

There’s mirth glistening in his eyes when the pressure of his hands changes slightly, the left one tightening on your waist to subtly guide you in the opposite direction. Has he danced like this with Hange as well? If yes, did they feel as flustered and ridiculous as you’re feeling? Probably not, because they’re friends and friends should not experience the weird body reactions you seem to be having at the moment, goosebumps blossoming underneath his fingertips, the staccato of your heartbeat, blood wooshing in your ears. Fuck.

“Tense again” his eyes are narrowed now, but not in his usual, threatening way. He’s studying you, looking for something he can’t seem to pinpoint amidst your dazed expression and sweaty hand. He would’ve been grossed out by anybody else’s palm but this is you, so Levi can’t really bring himself to give a shit.

“I’m sorry” you murmur and the sudden, sheepish route catches him off guard. You’re avoiding his gaze, eyes focused on something, somewhere over his shoulder.

“For what?”

“This whole charade” you whisper the last word, head hanging low just an excuse not to look at him “I’m so pathetic you felt bad enough to drop all your plans, come all the way here, be perfect and nice to everyone, spend so much money and I can’t even dance…” you sniffle, horrified by the sensation of being on the verge of bursting into tears in the middle of the dance floor.

Levi is silent long enough to prompt you to timidly look up from your shoes again. You’re worried he’s gonna be mad because what the hell, this is what you wanted. You asked him to do this for you and now it’s too late to whine about how sorry you are. But he doesn’t look mad. His features are unreadable as you return his gaze, which stirs a whole new kind of nervousness in you.

“I’m going to twirl you” the gentle warning takes you by surprise as Levi takes your hand from behind his neck, steps back a little and lifts your arm above your head. A bit stiffly, you turn around under it.

“Again” he prompts, arm already guiding you through another twirl. You comply, so clumsily a chuckle slips past your lips and Levi cracks another smile as you balance yourself against him, arms around his neck once again.

“See? You can dance” he mutters with a tone so soft it makes your heart squeeze.

“Please” you scoff, voice still a little broken that just won’t. Do.

Levi hums to himself, like he does whenever he’s trying to come to a decision.

“Let’s dip”

Your eyes comically grow in size.

“Let’s not?”

“I’ll do all the work” he playfully gives your hip a light squeeze to emphasize his words “you just have to let go”

“I’m not exactly good at letting go” you hope he can sense the warning in your tone but all you get is another eye roll.

“Yeah, I noticed” his tone, unlike yours, is weirdly serious “d’you trust me?”

Oh, well, putting it that way surely isn’t fair.

“Unfortunately, you’ve given me a reason or two to do that” you heave another sigh, defeated. Another smile tugs at his lips.

“I’m gonna do it slowly” he reaches behind his neck to grab your hand again, while his fingertips rise from your hip to your upper back.

“Twirl” Levi gently spins you again and his touch is featherlike when it glides down your side, grazes your stomach and settles on your lower back as you turn around, warm palm pressing firmly against it. The hand holding yours anchors your arm around his neck, then finds place on the nape of yours.

“Now, relax” it’s barely a whisper, so close you can’t hold back a shudder he pretends not to notice.

You soften your knees and then, with a movement so swift and natural, you’re turned to the side and pressed flush against him for a second, nestled in his embrace before you shut your eyes and Levi gently dips you, one of his strong arms secured around your waist to support your weight, the hand sustaining your neck tightening around your hair for a moment so brief you think you’ve imagined it.

He pauses as if you weigh nothing, then slowly brings you up again and you open your eyes, brows furrowing right as he lets completely go of you and the warmth of his arms is taken away so abruptly.

“You okay?” you didn’t think you’d be the one asking the question but something seems to be bothering him as he returns your confused gaze.

“Yeah. Can we take a break?” still weirdly well mannered, you find yourself thinking as you agree to make your way to your table again. Only he stops you right before you can take a seat next to Aiko, who’s blatantly gushing over you’re not sure what, precisely. Is it him? Or the weird dance that had you looking like a complete fool in front of everyone?

“How long before the cake?” he politely asks your cousin and she shrugs, not even attempting to hide the wide grin stretching her lips.

“Maybe around ten minutes”

“Permission to steal the groom’s sister for around ten minutes?”

Aiko’s chuckle isn’t enough to distract you from the tightening of your chest, something not entirely unpleasant swarming around in your stomach when he slips his fingers in between yours.

“Permission granted” she winks and you still, for the life of you, cannot understand why your heart flutters as you follow him outside the room, away from the party and the music and the chatter and all those happy, proud glances you’re no longer able to return because of how embarrassed you are by your own lie.

“Where are we going?” you bring yourself to ask, finding it exceptionally odd that he’s waiting for the elevator.

“My room”

“What? Why?”

Levi turns his head to look at you, eyebrows furrowing at your strangled tone.

“I forgot the wedding gift on the nightstand”

“Oh” you let out a nervous chuckle “right. And why d’you need me for that?”

“You look like you’re about to throw up, thought you could use a few minutes away from the crowd”

Well, he’s not wrong. But that doesn’t mean he gets to know.

“Dunno what you’re talking about” you flash him a fake smile and he skeptically hums as the doors open and you step inside.

Of course his room is located at the top floor of the building, where all the suites are. One thing about Levi is that he likes treating himself: whether it’s shopping from brands that produce top quality loose leaf teas, selecting premium suiting fabrics or always ordering the most expensive red wine at a restaurant, his taste is impeccable. He travels first class and only stays at 5-star hotels, so you really shouldn’t feel the guilt pangs stinging like needles in your throat when he swipes the key card through the magnetic reader and swings the door open. You shouldn’t feel so bad while taking in the king size bed, the LCD tv, the additional area with armchairs and a whole sofa, the private balcony. But you do. And when he turns to look at you, still standing by the door with a heartbreaking, bashful expression taking over your features, Levi clenches his jaw.

“What are you doing?” you ask as you watch him slide the balcony glass door.

“So many questions” he prompts you to precede him with a slight tilt of his head.

“What about the gift?”

Levi hates seeing you so defensive, so upset. He’s not used to that weird self-consciousness, not when you’re with him at least. Didn’t he come to obtain the exact opposite of what he’s getting? Isn’t he here to shield you from embarrassment, uneasiness? Why are you persisting in your stubborn shame?

“I get around ten minutes, remember?” he attempts a smile your tense features choose not to mirror. You sigh softly instead and, still uncertain, accept his invitation.

Outside the air is cool, a balm for your feverish skin. The balcony furniture includes two wooden armchairs, one small coffee table and a small couch. You plop down on the latter, not even having the energy to properly appreciate the beauty of a sparkly Kobe right at your feet, silhouettes of skyscrapers standing out against the night sky, the flickering lights of the harbor shining in the distance, tower so familiar you’d recognize it from a mile away. It’s home.

“So” Levi makes himself comfortable next to you, the breeze gently combing his hair back “wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Plenty is wrong, the most urgent matter being the overpowering attraction you’re feeling for one of your closest friends. It’s fine, no use lying to yourself any longer. Maybe it’s always been there, underneath all the teasing and the jokes and his rare smiles that always felt like small victories you got to collect and preserve in your memory at the end of each day, when  you’d often replay the hours spent together as pretty movie frames in your mind right before drifing off to sleep. But it’s easy, playing weird feelings off as regular familiarity that comes with friendship. You just didn’t think this night would make things feel so different, so good.

He’d be a great actual date, a wonderful actual boyfriend too, probably. He’s already a wonderful, actual friend. One that dropped everything to rush to the rescue of annoying, silly you, seemingly an adult but really a scared excuse of a grown up who can’t confront her family on a matter as trivial as not being in a relationship. It’s mortifying, really. You wouldn’t think it’d feel that humiliating, especially not in his presence.

Slender fingers delicately close on the fist you don’t realize you’re clenching. They’re warm as they try to make their way underneath yours, a silent plea for you to let go of the fabric clutched in your hand.

“I already told you” your hand lets go at last and slips easily from underneath his touch, the silk of your carefully picked cocktail dress wrinkled already.

“You feel guilty about me dropping all my plans, coming all the way here, beng perfect and nice to everyone, spending so much money…” he’s being playful but the teasing doesn’t elicit the eye roll or chuckle he was hoping he’d get. Your head just hangs lower, chin almost pressing to your chest, as if you’re trying to curl into yourself.

“About that, you’re gonna accept a complete refund. Train tickets, this room, wedding gift, everyth—”

Levi cuts you off by grabbing your jaw and turning your head towards him, eyes narrowed in a familiarly impatient gaze. He can’t believe the nonsense you’re sputtering out, the weird formality of it all.

“Stop that” his voice vibrates with determination and words are forced to die in your throat as he inches closer, grip loosening ever so slightly “you keep looking at things and seeing the opposite of what they are”

“So what, you didn’t spend a fortune to be here?” you challenge and he sighs, as done as a person can humanly be.

He lets go of your jaw but you don’t pull back.

“You asked me to be here”

“And I’m trying to apologize for it!”

God, you’re wearing him out.

You get up from the couch and, out of frustration, rest your back against the railing, palms behind you pressed on the cold, metal edge. Levi is looking at you so intensely you’re tempted to turn around and just take the view in to calm yourself because this is going downhill enough to become a fight and fights with Levi are never pretty. You should know.

“Remember the reasons you put forward to try and convince me to come?” his calm tone is such a sharp contrast to his hardened features, it takes you by surprise.

“Pretty sure I called myself lame and pathetic quite a few times” you shoot him a frown.

“Yeah” he gets up as well “then I end up actually getting here and guess what I found?”

You let out a dry laugh, one with not an ounce of humor embedded in it.

“A version of me worse enough to be brought in your room to hide?”

Two well measured steps and Levi is in front of you right as you cross your arms in defense.

“The version of you I already know” he retorts, exasperated “beautiful, intelligent, clumsy. A functional adult with a family that loves her very much”

“You’re drunk” you breathe out but it’s yours the head that’s spinning. Somehow, Levi knows. At least that’s what you guess when he steps closer, arms effectivey caging you against the railing as he slightly leans forward.

“Hardly” he mutters, pensive, and you swear his eyes flicker to your lips for a second “you don’t see things for what they are. I didn’t see a perfect ex, just a self entitled asshole. Didn’t meet hypercritical family members, just old-school people who are unyielding in their affection for you. I could’ve stayed home, honestly, you seem to be bothered by me the most”

“I’m not bothered by you, don’t be fucking stupid” you blurt out, saliva levels down to zero at this point. What is he even doing? Why is he so close, why does he smell so nice and where the fuck is that wedding gift?

“Ah, there she is” Levi offers a soft smile “had me missing her all night”

He then moves a strand of hair away from your forehead and the pads of his fingers linger on your temple, then barely graze your skin as they travel all the way down to your cheek and along your jaw.

You’re unfamiliar with this version of him. It’s a version that compliments the one that’s met your family and friends, the wedding date you’ve been lucky enough to score. This version knocks the wind out of your lungs and has your knees weak.

But then something happens, the snap of invisible fingers and, just like that, the magic wears out. Your skin is left burning and his arms set you free as he takes a step back and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I had a good time so enough with your guilt-ridden bullshit”

You’re barely able to catch your breath, still dizzy from the change of the overall mood. Perhaps he’s right and you’re the drunk, hallucinating one.

Levi slides the balcony door again but goes back inside first this time, leaving you little to no time to pull yourself together or calm the pounding of your heart. He collects no envelope from the nightstand before you both leave the room, a burning sensation churning in your stomach as you follow him down the hallway, feeling utterly boneless when you stop in front of the elevator. Maybe that Petra girl did have a point.

“There’s still one thing you probably haven’t noticed about me” right as a ding echoes in the empty hallway he turns his head to look at you, standing a few feet behind “I’m a terrible fucking liar. Wouldn’t convince anyone if I tried”

[thedrawingduke]

Hello! I'm coming to Fantomstein from the decidedly grave-robbing side of the audience. I love love love Frankenstein. And I'm...pretty neutral on Phantom of the Opera. I have the baseline knowledge required of any theatre kid. And I never saw anything that got me particularly curious about it.

Until I read this!! Holy SHIT, I love this comic. It's visually stunning, it's funny, it's intriguing, and it's so clearly made with a real love for the stories that inspired it. I genuinely aspire to be able to tell stories in the way you have.

And as a certified Frankenstein nerd, I ADORE this portrayal of The Creature. It's so fun to see him some years down the line when the initial rage has kind of died down and now he's just left with this tired cynicism. All the ways he entertains himself and tries to stave off the loneliness are so funny and sad at the same time (the tally marks on the wall especially got me). He's a petty bitch, and he means well, but he's a whole mess, and I love that so much.

(also, I really loved how young Victor looks in the flashback. It really hammers home the tragedy of it all. Cause you hear what he's done and you think he's horrible, he's a monster, who could do that? And then you look at him and you go oh. He's a kid. Chef's kiss, magnifique)

Thank you for making this delightful thing! I'm very excited to follow it from here

Every time a Frankenstein fan finds me and likes what I do, my heart grows several sizes and my lifespan increases. Thank you—I have been hoarding this note in my inbox, cherishing it. I want to eat it (complementary)(affectionate).

[budd-ie]

(BOOK 7/8 SPOILERS AHEAD)

Back at the end of this post I said that Mu Qing's mindset reminded me a lot of Jun Wu but didn't have any insight for why at the time. I think I figured it out now though!

To establish some context, this post explains what Mu Qing and Xie Lian's answers to the riddle reveal about them as opposites, which I believe is relevant to understand for this explanation. In short though, we know this:

Mu Qing is someone who is willing to make realistic cost-benefit moral choices for what he believes is the greater good.

Xie Lian is Not willing to make cost-benefit choices and will always try to idealistically achieve the greatest good for everyone.

Jun Wu, the crown prince of Wuyong, once wanted to save everyone, make no sacrifices to the volcano, and find that third path to victory. Unfortunately, this path crumbled beneath his feet, and in the end he gave in to choosing one path—making the sacrifices. On the first side of this, he desperately tried to find that other cup of water, and when he found none, he inevitably chose who to give it to. From this perspective, he sees Xie Lian’s moral dilemma of choosing the greatest good over his own wellbeing and wants to find Xie Lian’s breaking point. Bitterly, he wants to know if his aspiration really is impossible and if all good in the world really must die eventually, as he’s observed. Clearly, it’s impossible to give up so much of yourself without losing yourself eventually.

On the other side of this he sees Mu Qing, who isn’t afraid of the cost-benefit decision and is not only willing but conditioned to chase the greater good like jun wu did. Mu Qing is a very important character because his position compared to Xie Lian makes him the perfect manipulation target for Jun Wu. He already understands cost-benefit and holds previous grudges, so all that’s left is to further incite that hatred inside him use him for all he’s worth.

But…

Mu Qing refuses.

He refuses to be incited, he refuses to hurt no matter what kind of negative emotions have been festering all these centuries, and suffers the extreme punishment of banishment for it. Why doesn’t this incitement work? While he may be petty and spiteful, he’s never actually been malicious. Mu Qing’s resolve is extremely significant, because this is the event that sets in stone that Jun Wu is wrong. Suddenly this quote from Yin Yu becomes less incidental and much more thematically significant:

“I only wanted to hate him. I never wanted to hurt him”

Mu Qing may have held a lot of ill regards, but he himself even said he never wanted to hurt Xie Lian all those years ago on the cultivation grounds. Was he still in the wrong? Sure, the outcome was still negative, but he learned a real lesson about the two of them that day and absolutely regretted what he did. Isn’t that what matters most? All these negative emotions don’t need permanent dire consequences, and it’s okay to learn and grow after adversity, not only admitting mistakes, but accepting realities, perspectives, and choosing to move forward too. On top of that, the emotions both Yin Yu and Mu Qing felt were never even true hatred, just years of pent up frustration mixed with misunderstanding. As easy as it would be if the world was so black and white, that really just isn’t the case.

And so, all these centuries later, despite it all, Feng Xin and Mu Qing still choose to support Xie Lian. Not his highness the crown prince of Xianle, not the flower crown martial god, not the prince who pleased the gods, but Xie Lian himself. He still believed in them, and they believe in him, too. Jun Wu believed that betrayal is inevitable, but he didn’t understand that this doesn’t eliminate reconciliation. That’s why Mei Nianqing chooses to stay this time. His spirits were crushed back then, but his affection never wavered, and regret formed in the cracks, so he wants to try again. You don't have to, but as long as you want to, you’re allowed to try again.

[camelliagwerm]

okay so i realised the last ask game i reblogged would be perfectly suited to a poll :) and i think polls are fun :) Speculative routes under the cut so some of the lesser talked about OCs get a chance vs. say, the popular ones.

(Note: I did not include everyone as I figured some of these would overlap significantly, and each one would need something a bit unique about them. Sorry Byron)

Leonelle (she/her, human, lesbian, 25) — to win the pretty, petty (and a little bit pathetic) Chelish Diva's heart, you must understand she has a lot of baggage from being raised in a strict household with a Cardinal of Asmodeus for a father. She is angry, a bit immature, a bundle of nerves, but she is also vivacious, charming, and eager to explore thanks to her newfound freedom. She is also very opinionated when it comes to matters of the arts, particularly as a Chelish trained bard. Expect events at the opera but also... patricide :)

Valerius (he/him, dhampir, bisexual, 57) — a tyrant, a scion to a family fallen on hard times, a silver tongued prince. Valerius has been called many things, but the most accurate of them all is to call him a beautiful, honourable parasite. He keeps to his word, even if he may twist it to suit his agenda. He worships a goddess of gluttony and undeath, and understanding this is key to thawing his icy heart. Decadent dinners, blood rituals, cannibalism, obssession. A quintessential gothic romance awaits.

Magni (they/he, dwarf, polyamorous & queer, 27) — once, Magni was the favoured Prince of King Endrin Aeducan, and then it all went to hell. After being found guilty of fratricide (he did do it), they have become a Grey Warden on the surface. Ruthless, pragmatic and a political aspirant, Magni is open to a relationship of any kind - open or closed.

Arthur (he/him, human, biromantic asexual (sex favourable), 50) — dilf enjoyers, this is potentially one for you. Calm and compassionate, but grieving, Arthur's heart is mending after the loss of his previous partner and he might be ready for love again. He keeps his noble upbringing well but doesn't put on airs, instead using his position to try levy a better life for those suffering. Rank does not matter if one is in his care. Also comes with a beagle called Chutney.

Leto (he/him, human, pan & demiace, 23) — a young Navy Officer from the Navis Imperialis, Leto has never had much interest in people, preferring his star charts and travel journals instead. But with the right person, he might feel the stirring of something, and more inclined to go by the old courting manuals than think of something outside of the box.

Veszeth (they/them, drow bhaalspawn, aro lesbian, 62) — to court the Dark Urge is to court death. After all, Veszeth means bloody obssession. Flesh taker. They will keep you at arm's length, fighting against their nature just to love you. But that love is a twisted thing, warped by their perception of what love is by their quasi-divine father. Unless you manage to give them the courage to fight back against their destiny before it is too late, then this will be a tragedy. Thee Toxic Yuri Route™️

Luminița (she/her, changeling, demisexual lesbian, 26) — as a cleric of Pharasma who has spent her life being raised, tutored and working in Lepidstadt's graveyards, Lumi is a light and a balm to those who grieve for their departed loved ones. Patient, kind, and with a strong moral character. She will heal those who surrender to her, but allow no quarter against the enemies of her goddess and can have as much of a biting tongue as those who might test her patience. Expect tension if you were in any form sympathetic to the undead, but that makes the relationship all the juicier. Just don't worry too much about her hag mother coming to Call.

[usergreenpixel]

MALMAISON MEDIA SALON SOIRÉE 20: NAPOLEON’S ELYSIUM (2011)

1. The Introduction

Hello, dear Neighbors. Welcome back to Malmaison Media Salon. Oh look, we have an anniversary already!

In order to celebrate the occasion, I decided to post a long overdue review of “Napoleon’s Elysium” by Diane Scott Lewis. The book was actually brought to my attention by @suburbanbeatnik , who did the cover art for this particular edition of the book.

Now, usually I’m not the biggest fan of romance novels (not a dig at the authors, just not my thing), but this book was recommended by a mutual I trust, so I did give it a try. As for my impressions, we’ll get to them in a minute.

By the way, the book is currently available on Amazon and Kindle, but @suburbanbeatnik (to whom this review is dedicated) sent an EPUB version to me by email many months ago, so I didn’t purchase it.

Alright, now let’s get to the review!

2. The Summary

Amélie Perrault is a nineteen-year old daughter of a cook, who joins her father and the rest of the servants in order to share Napoleon’s exile on St. Helena.

Dreaming of becoming a successful erotica author, Amélie hopes to work on her novel in her spare time and uses the information she obtained from other novels in order to write the details of her story.

However, her unexpected feelings for the former emperor and a desire to find out who has been poisoning him complicate the situation in more ways than expected.

3. The Story

As I said, I’m not the biggest fan of romantic subplots or novels where romance is the main plotline, so imagine my surprise when I found myself finishing this book in one sitting!

The romance between Amélie and Napoleon is portrayed very realistically, considering the differences in age and social standing. Both aspects are things that other characters point out, and it’s very clear that Amélie and Napoleon are at very different stages of life.

Their bond evolves very naturally over time, without the story feeling like a bad fanfic. I would say that it is a very slow burn kind of romance.

Not to mention, I really enjoyed the detective plot line of investigating who is poisoning Napoleon and the adventure plot line involving his plans to escape.

Also, Amélie’s attempts to write her novel are very relatable. She wants to be strong and independent like her main character, but she is clearly a different person and is not the protagonist of her novel. I aspire to be an author too, so I definitely relate to the scenes of Amélie picking up ideas for her story or asking for advice on how to improve it.

Oh, and also there are a few characters who die in the novel, but they stay dead and these become very important plot points.

4. The Characters

Amélie Perrault wants to be a strong, independent woman, but luckily it doesn’t feel out of place for that time period. She just has ideas inspired by Enlightenment mixed with being young and a free spirit.

She is a very flawed, realistically written spunky young woman, but her heart is in the right place and she is one of the few people genuinely loyal to Napoleon.

Napoleon himself is definitely jaded, occasionally prone to outbursts and quite petty at times, but he doesn’t want Amélie to feel like she’s being taken advantage of and he genuinely loves her. In fact, it’s her idealism that inspires Napoleon to plan an escape from his exile instead of giving up.

Chef Perrault, Amélie’s father, is quite realistic too. He does believe in education for women, but he is still very protective of his daughter and at times still treats her like a child, which is understandable.

Count and Countess de Montholon are portrayed as traitors and ass-kissers.

Fanny Bertrand is a sweetheart who genuinely helps Amélie with her novel.

Clarice, another servant, is a bitch who starts out very shallow, promiscuous and rude towards Amélie, but then reveals information that helps the investigation of who is behind poisoning Napoleon.

Jules, the manservant of Montholon, is a fucking creep.

Ali, Napoleon’s personal servant, becomes a friend to Amélie and an ally who helps her navigate the environment of the St. Helena “court”.

5. The Setting

Fantastic writing and vivid descriptions of the island and other locations!

6. The Writing

The writing is sublime for the most part, but sometimes the characters drop phrases in French, which I did find a bit jarring when compared to the rest of the dialogue (which is obviously in English). We already know these characters are supposed to be French.

This is a minor issue for me though.

There is a case of the term “n*gro” being used towards the island’s black population, but we’re talking about the 19th century so it was to be expecte. It’s a dated term but I’m censoring it just in case it is triggering to anyone in the audience.

7. The Conclusion

Excellent book with realistic plot lines, colorful flawed characters, mostly great writing and vivid imagery that really sells the setting.I think I can definitely recommend it if you like historical romance.

Well, on this note, I declare this soirée concluded. Please stay tuned for future reviews!

Love,

Citizen Green Pixel

[m3nt4llyr4v3d]

Lila’s Potential

Say what you want about people letting headcanons dictate how people expect the show to turn out, but I wanted Lila to be so much more.

I was expecting a cunning, smart, manipulative person who can weasel her way out of any situation with sickly sweet words, someone who plans out her revenge, someone who gets by on their smarts alone in a universe with superheroes and supervillains. And since this character was, you know, a teenager, I was expecting to have some semblance of sympathy, or at least some sort of backstory to her to explain why she is/thinks the way she is/thinks. Someone whose defeat feels cathartic, but whose comeback feels even better!

But what did I get?

I got a petty high schooler who spreads easily disproven lies to everyone around her, to the aspiring journalist, and everyone takes it at face value, even all the (incompetent) adults around her. Has literal plot armor to make everyone around her dumb as bricks, so much so that when Adrien, who literally works with her, is assumed to be slandering her under his girlfriend’s name when there’s no fucking reason to believe he’d do that. Someone who, for some reason, has 3 different mothers who we’re supposed to believe are all convinced she’s their daughter, and multiple identities for some reason, and came into school in one of her fake identities for some reason. Oh, and that defeat? Well she had another identity to immediately fall back on, so it honestly doesn’t matter. Oh, and her acquiring the butterfly miraculous? She just did, don’t question it. Her way of thinking and why she’s so “smart”? Oh she’s just a psychopath

Just how am I supposed to feel when it’s revealed that Lila has another identity (Cerise) that people in that city know her by? That she’s just wearing a wig? I’m pretty sure all of her caretakers have seen her in this wig, are they convinced that Lila is their daughter or Cerise? How much do they know? Are they 3 separate mothers unaware of each other? Why does she lie to 3 women about this?

I’m sure we might (MIGHT) get some sort of explanation in Season 6, but goddamn, what insanity. My problem isn’t the twist itself (not fully), but rather the fact that it came out of fucking nowhere and we’re just supposed to roll with it

Honestly was hoping we’d at least see some, like, foreshadowing? Like the hacking thing? Let’s just say she’s seen hanging out with Max, or we see a scene of her asking him to teach her something about computers. Max and Markov are literal super geniuses who can hack into the Tsurugi system (she’s a tech mogul so it’s real difficult), it’s reasonable that Lila could’ve asked him to tutor her. The 3 moms thing? If you’re insistent on keeping that, just have her slip up on occasion whenever she’s asked about her family, or say that it’s complicated all sad like (personally I like the latter). The whole multiple identities thing? Have her take acting classes, or constantly volunteering for plays or the occasional movie the class does. Have her suddenly acting really sad or really happy, some type of extreme emotion that confuses her classmates, but she reveals she’s just practicing her acting. This can somewhat be her way of gauging how her classmates react (studying them somewhat) as well as her get out of jail free card if she’s caught lying, just say she’s acting! (Might be flimsy but I kind of like it)

Point is, those are just me throwing ideas at the wall. I’m not asking for exactly what I said, but damn, I was expecting her to be an actual threat, makes me kind of sad

[hotasfahrenheit]

Kanghan is a school bully because he's *bored*, because he doesn't feel like he has any control over anything outside of the bounds of the school grounds, and obviously because he lacks perspective on what the real world entails for people like Sailom.

His father, who seems pretty busy and fairly absent in his regular day to day life, literally told him to not bother putting effort into anything and to just have a fun time at school; he's being pushed to have no aspirations or goals, but he clearly has some level of drive, and that's been focused primarily into "antagonize Sailom" so far because he doesn't have any other more appealing outlets.

Kang has money, because of his family, but he clearly doesn't have control over (or doesn't feel like he has control over) what his life is going to be like after school or outside of school in general. Being a bully puts him in a position of power- like his father has- and gives him stuff to do like bossing around other students and pushing on Sailom. It staves off the boredom, makes him feel important and powerful like he doesn't at home.

The stakes in his life so far are pretty low and he has no real grasp of what a poor student like Sailom or his friends are actually going through- his attempt to get Sailom thrown out of school, his taunts about Sailom's laptop, his spreading of rumours about Sailom- he knows Sailom is poor, he knows money is a problem, but he doesn't actually understand that Sailom's financial situation is far more precarious than just "I can't afford to fix my laptop". He doesn't understand real consequences because he's never had to deal with any himself.

Kang is the level of privileged where he just can't grasp how stupid he's being when he takes a gun, even empty, to threaten Sailom over their petty situation. Both stupid for carrying around a gun and for thinking a gun is an appropriate threat to invoke over tutoring sessions and cheat sheets 🤣 our dumb rich boy arrives at the right moment to get the perspective he desperately needs, learning real fast both how serious Sailom's situation is and why Sailom hasn't batted a single eyelash at Kang's treatment of him so far at school.

What kind of boy can be unfazed by bullies and beatings from other teenagers at school? The kind of boy who is living with threats and beatings from men who are much, much scarier than Kang. To the point that Kang is the safe person that Sailom *clings* to and seeks comfort from after the thugs leave.

We know Kang is on a Domyouji arc so he had to start out as a dumb bully and turn into a dumb puppy in love instead, but I'm enjoying how they're handling his arc so far, and I'm excited to see the puppification that's coming as he finds some kind of purpose and direction in life after he gains perspective, and figures out how to be in control of himself and his place in the world around him without having to push other people around to do it.

[golvio]

One of the less jokey reasons why I’d love to see a Cultist Simulator style game with Ganondorf is because I feel like a Ganondorf game would be the best opportunity to explore a side of Hyrule we’ve never seen before.

CultSim & Book of Hours were all about this secret side of the world devoted to magic, the eldritch and esoteric, and the forces trying to suppress it so individual quests for ascension don’t cause too much collateral damage (which then go too far, as police and bureaucracies often do). The game’s format itself was based around peeling back the layers of the mundane world to get at that secret world, and from there to go still deeper to discover the purpose of your game and possibly ascend to godhood/end the world/etc.

In Zelda, we get constant vague references to a secret occult world—a cult of dorks in black robes who live in the woods in AoC, a reference to an unnamed tribe of dark mages in FSA, mentions of “lost writings” or deteriorated scripts holding forbidden knowledge in TotK, etc. And there are countless witches here and there, from Maple to Twinrova, which suggests there might be at least a couple less formal covens kicking around, some transference of more secret magical knowledge between masters and apprentices throughout the ages.

So…who are these people learning this obscure and sometimes forbidden knowledge? What eldritch secrets are there to actually know, beyond the bright and fenced in path of what Princess Zelda is taught, diluted down to “what Link/the player needs to know in order to do their job?” Who keeps preserving the knowledge of Ganon’s existence? Who keeps trying to resurrect Ganon and why?

Not to mention who are these people, specifically? Cultist Simulator featured all sorts of factions that borrowed inspirations from everything between Mesopotamia to the lost ceremonies of the Mysteries of Ancient Greece to the Spiritualist and Occultist movements in the UK and US in the latter half of the 19th century. On one end, you had grand spiritual societies like the Ordo Limiae, which devoted itself to the study and navigation of boundaries between the occult aspects of magic, only to dissolve into countless schisms and petty infighting once the society’s heyday had passed. Then you had more recent up-and-comers like your own cult, with even more petty infighting and backstabbing between upstarts jockeying for ascension into the Mansus in the vein of Aleister Crowley’s rivalry with William Butler Yeats. Then there are the Libraries, which each devote themselves to the collection, preservation, and distribution of occult knowledge, as well as the containment and dispelling of cursed tomes that could be dangerous to the general populace. And then that’s not to mention what the Edge folks have going on, with the underworld organizations that traffic in tallied years of life, loosely organized bands of monster hunters, that one Edge/Heart cult that was “a society of physicians and duelists” obsessed with the saving and taking of life, and so on.

What kind of networks of occult knowledge would a hitherto squeaky-clean and spiritually orthodox universe like Hyrule have? What other gods are out there, once you stray from the kingdom-approved domains of the church of Hylia and vague myths of the Golden Goddesses before her, beyond even the more localized shintoist style cults in isolated villages worshipping local nature spirits and tutelary deities? What were the networks of people both Ganon and his mothers studied under, who made Twinrova who they were, and, in turn, made Ganon who he is?

Who is Ganon to these people? An aspirational figure? A god/demigod the mages just getting started down this path whisper prayers to? A fellow acolyte of forbidden knowledge they could learn from? A rival to backstab to guarantee their own ascension? A resource to exploit? More importantly, how does Ganon feel about all this? Does he ever communicate with any of these people, or does he fuck off to a tower somewhere until Link shows up and the cycle starts over?

I doubt anybody at Nintendo has ever thought about this as hard as I do, but overthinking is kind of my thing. Right now, I’m overthinking the question of “Where the hell do all these dark wizards keep coming from?”

[definitely-not-iorveth]

a couple days ago, a stream featuring andrzej sapkowski came out, supposedly announcing a new book in the witcher series (see link below).

i've watched it, and personally, considering the context, i would reign in my enthusiasm until some kind of official announcement.

i'm including the notes of what he speaks about, for anyone interested.

the first short story started with the title: a male form of the polish word wiedźma (witch) doesn't exist, so sapkowski came up with one. the idea for the story came afterwards.

the first short story was supposed to be a one-time thing. he never expected to write a continuation.

he didn't do any research for the witcher books beforehand because 1/ it's a fantasy book, so he's allowed some leeway & 2/ he already accumulated a lot of knowledge throughout his life by the time he started writing. some research on things was needed during the process, but not a lot of it.

he did do beforehand research for a different, more historical series he wrote afterwards (trylogia husycka).

he once again stresses that the book series is not based specifically on slavic mythology - that was something made up by journalists. he took inspiration from various mythologies indiscriminately, and the plot was more important to him than using any specific sources.

he doesn't remember how many short stories he wrote for the witcher.

back when he started, there was no point in sending manuscripts to publishing houses, because the publishers were not interested in polish fantasy books, preferring the foreign ones. instead, an aspiring writer's best bet would be to send a short story to fantastyka (means fantasy, but only as a literary genre), a magazine that published fantasy & sci fi short stories. at some point he got tired of publishing short stories though, and he sent his manuscript in (he says he doesn't remember what book that was). it was successful, and it encouraged more authors to do the same.

he regrets writing under his real name and not under a literary pseudonym.

nilfgaard's similarities to ancient rome are accidental, and nilfgaard should not be interpreted as based on it. sapko came up with it as an aggressive fantasy nation that wants to take over the world, with no deeper meaning behind it.

first map created for the witcher was the work of the czech translator, and most subsequent maps were based on it (or, as sapko puts it, stolen.) "why i never created a map? pettiness." all fantasy books of the time had a map, so he decided his wouldn't have. and so it doesn't.

the witcher comics were parowski's idea (a witcher fan & comic book author). sapkowski didn't participate in its creation. he tried to give his input about the drawings at first, but the artist basically told him to go fuck himself.

he has a cat

he used to be a senior sales representative, and it gave him some knowledge about sales, banking, currencies and economy which he was able to work into the plot of his stories

he reads at least 50 books per year. of recent works, he recommends madeline miller's circe, steven king's two new books, v.e. schwab's the invisible life of addie larue, peng shepherd's the cartographers, herve le telier's the anomaly, r.f. kuang's babel, holly black's book of night. he considers the above the literary events and fantasy milestones of the past few years.

his commentary on people who study and analyze the witcher and its themes: "they come up with things i never could have come up with." he claims he never assigned any specific philosophy or meaning to his works, but he's happy to read the works of people who do.

he says he didn't base any of his characters on himself in any way. at the same time, his opinion is that it's difficult to write a character that doesn't retain some of the author's qualities. however, the characters are in their own setting and their own story. in his words, "you don't write books about yourself. you write books about characters that you come up with, and you give them their own qualities. […] who cares who i am? the reader is interested in who the witcher is, or who the other characters are."

when asked why geralt is different than the other witchers (more sensitive, kinder), he responds that it's because he's a made up character that's supposed to be interesting for the reader, so he needs to be distinguishable from others. a book is supposed to be interesting, and creating an interesting character is one of the ways to achieve it.

when asked why the smell of yennefer's perfume is so specific, he just says that he made it up and perfume like that doesn't exist.

witchers, although they use magic, are a completely separate group from the sorcerers in the book. there are no common points between them. witchers are also not a reference to any specific mythological archetypes or characters.

he doesn't like announcing what he's doing, because he changes his mind a lot, and doesn't always finish what he starts.

he does say that he is working on a new witcher book and that it should come out within the next year or a couple. considering the context of his words, however, i would consider it as more of a 'maybe' than an actual announcement.

[halliescomut]

Y'all want another rant??

I have seen so MANY cracked-out, poorly considered 'hot takes' this weekend, and wow are they aggravating. We can start with the continuing discussion regarding HeartStopper and it's author, who feels the fact that there are no sexual scenes in their work make it inherently better than other queer media. (Edit: The initial comment ppl point to is from 2017, but there has also been no clarity or further statements made despite this being regularly discussed, which is certainly not the norm for addressing divisive statements.) Now, the fact that she's mentioned things like this in conjunction with dismissal of East Asian and South East Asian BL, makes it clear that this is not simply a 'purity' thing, but also has racist undertones. My biggest issue though, is that it clearly demonstrates that they have not attempted to consume any of the available content out there. Are there BLs that focus on the sexual aspects of relationships? Yes, there's the Pornographer, but there's also My Dining Table. You have TharnType, but you also have My Only 12%. Hell, my absolute favorite BL is GameBoys, which first season ends in the ONLY kiss and the couple is still separated by a plastic barrier.

So how can you say that EVERY show revolves only around sex? Realistically you can't. And there's a whole slew of other issues with such statements, like the fact that for a vast majority of romantic couples, sex and physical chemistry is a vital and valued part of their relationships. Or the fact that reducing the queer media of a non-white culture down to sex alone contributes to the misleading idea that people of color are ruled by base human desires, and don't have the intellectual ability to create a romantic relationship based on something other than sex. Honestly, it's giving very British, unsurprisingly.

The reality is that in the world they created in HeartStopper, an overt focus on a sexual relationship would feel vastly out of place. Both because of the age of the characters, but the tone of the story. It's a romanticized coming-of-age/coming out story that revolves around first love. It's intention is to focus on the emotions involved in those experiences in a 'rose-colored glasses' type of way. It's why we've seen plenty of gay men criticizing the show by saying it's unrelatable. And while I don't imagine that it's 100% true representation for every gay man out there, I'd say that's based more on it being distinctly romanticized in a way the real life rarely is. I think it's also intended to be slightly aspirational, it shows a world where more often than not a queer teen's family, friends, community, and society are supportive, kind, and loving; something that has rarely been the reality of many queer adults today. It's not wrong or bad to be aspirational, it's a facet of the queer experience that is necessary, but it should not be taken as a replacement for more 'realistic' queer media, especially in an attempt to sanitize the lived experiences of thousands of queer men.

(I'd like to note that I do intentionally tag any posts that I make about HS as BritishBL because I'm a petty bitch.)

The amount of sex either alluded to or shown in a piece of media does not indicate it's value. If you have done even a mild foray into BL outside of Thailand, then you are likely well aware that Chinese and South Korean BL is often promoted as being more 'tame' or 'respectable' than Thai BL, or even Japanese BL. But if you think critically about it for even a moment, you're able to easily conclude that the reason those countries often produce queer media that's more on the level of a PG or PG-13 rating is because there are still very strict societal AND governmental standards that prevent the presentation of queer media. It's rare if not unheard of to have shows or movies based on queer written media show even a single kiss, and it's because of homophobia, when you move outside of China to places like Taiwan (which China still considers to be part of it's empire) you may see more 'explicit' presentations of queer relationships, but they often still skew towards being more in that PG-13 range. I've inserted below a chart that I pulled for another project, but is applicable here as well showing the legality of same-sex relationship as well as the legal protections of them (i.e. same-sex marriage recognition or adoption)

While for China and North Korea in particular, we have to sort of accept their word, you can see that for the vast majority of East Asian countries, same-sex relationships are not illegal, but they area also not actively supported. And while progress has been made in many places, there is still a long way to go to offering them equal opportunities and protections. And, as is always true, the negative effects of bigotry and homophobia have the largest impacts on those that live in poverty or are members of other marginalized communities. So while, you may see rich and privileged queer people from these countries living their life without much backlash, that is never going to be the lived experience of your everyday gay salaryman.

Just want to pause here and say this next part is not related to Alice in any way, it's just another aspect of upsetting to me discourse I saw this weekend.

Moving on to another very concerning discussion that I saw revolving around Mew and Top in the first episode of Only Friends. The are SO MANY comments being made on edits all over social media dissing Mew for choosing not to have sex with Top once they got to his apartment. With the vast majority saying something along the lines of 'He's hot, Mew should have just done it", "Virginity isn't even a real thing", "He knew what Top wanted when he invited him over", and it honestly gets more frustrating and disturbing from there. The #1 key to consent is that it is ALWAYS ongoing and you have the right to revoke it at anytime. It is an incredibly valid criticism of Thai BL that they waffle a little bit with that consent line, and I feel like some of the same people who argued that the sex between Lom and Nuea in Wedding Plan last week was iffy consent because Lom was clearly drunk, are spouting these bullshit opinions about Top and Mew. Consent can be and often is a VERY nuanced conversation. Mew believing that he was ready for sex with Top when he left that bar, and realizing that he wasn't once they got back to his apartment is incredibly realistic. It happens to a lot of people, and unfortunately those people are often not with someone like Top, who in that moment was willing (even if not precisely happy) to forego sex. This is a scene that shows what a reaction SHOULD be to a removal of consent. You don't have to be happy about it, but as a human who hopefully has respect for the other human involved, you should respect it.

As far as the 'virginity is a social construct thing'--you're right it is. But it is not wrong or weird for a person to prefer that there be a personal and emotional connection between themselves and a potential sexual partner. There's literally a whole sexuality where a person does not feel romantic or sexual attraction WITHOUT an emotional connection.

That's not to say that this automatically concludes that Mew is definitely intended to be demisexual, it's possible that this is fully unintentional on the part of the writer, director, or actor. But in terms of negatively reacting to this scene on public social media, you are actively dismissing the very real feelings of very real people who you may be interacting with. Because just as there is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable having sex without feelings being involved, the same is true in reverse. As with all things related to sex, it's about the comfort of the person participating in the act, beyond that there is no 'better' or 'right' way to feel about it.

And moving onto that last incredibly upsetting point...that Mew knew what was going to happen when he left the bar with Top, how disgusting of a take. There are literally thousands of people, most female presenting, who get asked that same question when reporting sexual violence from people they were dating, or met in bars. The dismissal of a person's autonomy because 'they knew what they were getting into' is nothing more than disgusting. It's not just a bad take, or a problematic one, it's a take that feeds into the victim-blaming society that we live in and makes it more and more difficult for survivors of sexual violence to come forward, and impedes our ability to install tenets of consent in our society as a whole. By continuing to spout such ridiculous and disgusting ideas, you are setting a standard that prevents ANYONE from revoking consent at any time and enables assaulters to pressure people into sex, or just bypass their consent completely, knowing that the likelihood of actual repercussions is very low.

So I guess TLDR- All levels of intimacy (both physical and emotional) are important in queer media, from the most innocent to the most carnal, and healthy representations of consent conversations, especially those that show people's autonomy as being fully respect should be praised, not dismissed.