#thats fine i guess. but it would be nice if i felt like someone really wanted to be my friend

[kohakhearts]

theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh

[astro-gnome]

starting to think that im forever gonna be lonely and miserable

[coolprettyleo]

talk of the town - will smith

tw: lowkey cringe. if ur not into it lmk lowk...

wc: 1.4k

will smith x influencer/ d'amelio sister

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

dylan couldn't believe the shit day she was having. she had woken up late and missed her pilates class, then she spilt coffee all over her laptop, and right now she was fifteen minutes late to her music class. it was her first ever day of college too.

even though she was having a horrible day, she was still dressed cute. she decided she wanted to start taking her school more seriously. and that meant actually going to class.

the thing about dylan though is that she didn't need school. she had over one hundred million followers on all platforms. she was what someone would call an influencer.

influencers usually didn't continue with school if they didn't need to so when dylan decided to still attend college it was a shock to a lot of people; including her family.

her family were all also influencers and didn't decide to attend college; rather deciding to work on their brand instead. a brand that dylan opted out of, she had decided to enter marketing at boston college.

she entered her music class to find that there was no less than twenty five students inside. thats what happens when you attend a private college! dylans strategy her whole life was to always sit in the back of classes. (it was easier to skip class and just lie to the professor and say you were there)

there was one seat left where three other boys sat. she set her stuff down. the boys giving her an odd look, not thinking anyone was going to take that last seat between them or probably trying to figure out why the hell she looked so familiar. dylan got that look often.

the professor though was deep in lecture about their upcoming assignment and dylan was too busy trying to find a top for her upcoming brand dinner in New York. she was pulled out of her own little world when the professor noticed she was not listening and had missed the introduction part of class and decided to call her out on it.

she felt a tap from the boy next to her getting her attention because it seemed the professor had been calling her.

"oh my gosh im so sorry what" she said removing an AirPod and sheepishly looking at the class who all seemed to be either smiling at her or giving her dirty looks.

"since you decided to grace us with your presence introduce yourself please" she said pointing to a slide that stated what exactly to say.

"uhm... im dylan. im from connecticut but I've been living in LA for the past four years, and im a marketing major" she said awkwardly feeling like everyone was judging her.

"alright thank you miss dylan. I want to see the title slide of the assignment done before I dismiss you guys" she said.

the three boys she sat with seemed to be life long friends and she was feeling a bit left out. she had zoned them out till she heard them whispering to each other.

"ask her"

"no thats weird"

"ill ask"

"your tiktok famous huh"

she looked up to a freckled boy her while the dark haired boy giggled and the blonde haired boy cringed.

"uhm, yeah... I guess" she said awkwardly. she really didn't know what to say.

"nice" he said going back to working on his assignment.

she smiled awkwardly and looked at the other two boys. who looked like they were cringing about their friends actions. the dark haired boy seemed to let it go and work on his assignment while the blonde one spoke up.

"im sorry about him, ryan doesn't know how to talk to girls"

"yes I do! if I didn't how would I of pulled frankie" ryan says.

"she basically pulled you" gabe quipped back.

dylan just giggled along to their battering. they seemed funny.

"he's fine. a lot of people don't realize its me in real life but instead just stare at me trying to figure out why I look so familiar, and thats creepier to me"

"well we knew it was you because everyones been saying you go here" ryan told her.

oh god it was a hot topic?

"people talk about it?" she said grossed out.

"yeah, but like no one ever sees you for some reason"

"I did online classes and lived in LA last semester" she told them. it was true, her family was filming their Hulu show and it didnt make sense for her to leave mid-way through filming.

"do you live on campus?" the blonde one asked her again. he seemed like the quiet and calmer one of the three boys.

hes hot

"no, I live in beacon hill, the city"

"why didnt you dorm" gabe nosily asked.

"I didn't think it would be too fun to share an apartment with random girls at first but now I regret it, because I have no friends here" she honestly told them.

"oh my god! my girlfriend has no friends!" ryan said loudly. which made will, gabe, and the people around them to laugh.

"im telling her you said that" will smiled mischievously at him.

"shutup smitty. we have a game tonight and she usually sits alone or with my parents but they're not coming tonight so she'd probably like the company!" ryan said. he was honestly just trying to do a nice thing. he knew frankie struggled with the fact she had no girl friends; even though she said it was fine, and dylan seemed nice.

"game?" Dylan said confused.

"oh ya! we play hockey" the freckled boy answered.

"oh thats cool!" dylan said. she had attended a couple games recently due to the fact her sister was dating an NHL player.

"im will, thats gabe, and ryan" the blonde one said pointing the dark haired boy and the freckled one.

"im dylan. and what's your girlfriends number, id be down to go" she said to the freckled one.

"here" he said writing it down and handing her a crumpled paper.

"her names frankie by the way"

"okay, ill text her after class" she said smiling getting back to work.

"what's your major?" will asked her. he didn't want the conversation to end for some reason. she was lowkey his celebrity crush since he was like fourteen and they first started getting famous.

"marketing. you?"

"communications"

"your quite the communicator then" she said.

oh my gosh dylan you sound pathetic what the hell even is a communicator?

what didnt help was that will looked clueless and Ryan and gabe seemed to be biting back a smile acting like they weren't listening.

"im sorry?"

"like, you like communications- like the major" dylan said, trying to save herself but digging an even deeper and awkwarder hole, turning as red as a tomato.

"uhm ya, I didn't really know what major to pick coming in" he said smiling at her. a smile that dylan liked to see.

"well what do you want to be?"

"a hockey player."

"oh... too bad hockey isn't a major huh" she said chuckling at her own joke while ryan and gabe gave her funny looks except will of course, who was laughing at the joke like it was the funniest thing ever said. (thats what your supposed to do when your crush tells a joke)

"and what do you want to be"

"honestly, I dont know. I just want to have the degree so I can have more of a say in the brands I deal with, and all that"

"so you want the knowledge" gabe said, since he's been listening.

"yeah, basically" she said. making eye contact with will who looked to be studying her a bit.

he knew she wanted to say more but seemed to be putting up a wall which was understandable seeing as she just met these boys twenty mins ago.

"well im all done." she said closing up her laptop and standing up.

"maybe ill see you guys later!" she said waving to them.

"look for 6" will said to her.

"six what?" she said confused.

"what?" he said equally confused now

"six of what" she said cluelessly.

"like the number six" he said smiling awkwardly.

"oh!! omg I knew that! okay!" she said grabbing her bag and waving bye to them.

gabe and ryan gave each other a knowing look before immediately chirping will.

"you are such a flirt"

"that was painful"

"and he said I dont know how to talk to girls"

"shutup guys" he said packing his stuff away before leaving. hoping to see her in the stands tonight. her personality was even cuter.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

im so sorry for not uploading! I just keep overthinking everything so I end up just deleting it! but thats just a me problem lol. but I hope u guys like this au. I plan to the it all together.

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

YAYY!! Reqs are open again! I know you’ve already done something similar but can you do maybe some hcs of Graysons mental if that makes sense (like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia) only if you feel comfortable ofc <3

sad grayson head canons pt. 2

of course! i wont be talking about schizophrenia though bc i don't know enough about it and i don't feel comfortable talking about smth knowing i might be writing things that are completely inaccurate and that might offend/hurt some people. i apologize if these suck or if this is really short. when i made this post, i had just found out someone in my family was in the hospital and i wrote these to distract me so idk how good they'll be. not all of these will be on anxiety and depression btw. tw for suicidal thoughts. hope you still like them <3.

when he swims at night, the pool tends to be very cold bc its the one of the only things that makes him forgot about everything that is making him anxious. if he can't swim, he takes cold showers.

although it might not look like it, he gets very anxious and overwhelmed in situations where there are a lot of people. he overthinks everything he says to them, wonders if his suit looks nice enough/if he's presentable, if he's making a good impression, and has trouble focusing when there are so many people he has to talk too. he's very good at hiding it though so you would never guess (like i said, multiple people, if its just one person it doesn't matter to him)

like i said in my last hc, he gets anxious when talking to many people. i want to add that usually, its not usually himself that makes himself anxious but emily talking in his head telling him he's doing smth wrong. basically, if it weren't for emily, he wouldn't be anxious talking to so many people. idk if this one makes sense.

one of the reasons he wears suits is bc it makes him feel put together when he feels like a mess in his head. he always looks so flawless which makes people think he's fine.

he went through a period of time when he was younger where he couldn't get out of bed to go to school/do his school work which ig seems ooc, but we're talking about young grayson here, not the put together version of him we know. he hated himself so bad he didn't think it was worth living anymore and thought that there was no point in working if he wasn't going to live long enough to get a career/become an adult. also, another reason was bc he felt sm pressure to be the best that he kind of just gave up. tobias got mad at him and thought he was overreacting. he did get better thanks to his brothers, enough for him to start doing his school work again and start handling the pressure he was under.

he's very self-conscious about his appearance. by this i don't mean looking put together, i mean sometimes he'll look in the mirror and think he's gained weight which makes him workout more/swim. its not that he finds himself ugly, he just doesn't want people to notice and think something's wrong/he's going through something when he obviously is (cause in his head, if he doesn't always look the same, people will think smth's wrong/he's loosing control but thats just not true).

he used to have bad acne growing up and it really affected his confidence. he used to try to cover it up with concealer but no matter what he did it was always visible. it ended up going away but he hates looking at old pictures of himself cause he hates seeing it. it caused him really bad anxiety in public bc he thought people were judging him.

sometimes, people will try to talk to him but he won't hear them bc he can't stop stressing over all of the things he has to do and is stuck in his head. people have to repeat what they're saying and and shake him to get him out of spiraling.

grayson tried to stop taking his anti depressants when he was younger cause he was sure he didn't need them. he realized not long after that he couldn't just stop and that they were actually helping him.

after he realized they were helping him, he started to wonder why he couldn't be 'normal' like his other brothers (at the time, he didn't know his brothers were also struggling with their own issues)

to handle his anxiety when he was younger, he would punch a punching bag. this was before he learned how to handle his anger and stuff. he only allowed himself to lose control when doing this.

his room and office have to be clean at all times. if it isn't, it causes him even more anxiety. it makes him feel messy and not in control.

his grand father used to tell him that hawthornes don't have mental illnesses and that he's overreacting (stupid ass grand father). it made grayson feel like he wasn't good enough.

after avery almost died during the bombing, he considered offing himself bc he didn't think he was worth it. he let one of the people he cares most about almost die, and the guilt was nearly too much for him.

grayson used to feel like he shouldn't be struggling the way he is bc of all of the opportunities and money he has. he felt like his feelings weren't valid, and that others had it worse. he tought he had no reason to feel as crappy as he did and that made him hate himself/think there was smth wrong with him. it only made him feel more depressed.

sometimes, he'd go on the rooftop of the house to get some air, see the height and the deadly fall, and consider jumping off. he used to think everyone was better off without him and that he'd be doing everyone a favor by offing himself.

in my first sad grayson post, i said that he owns a teddy bear nash gave him. he'll never admit it, but when he feels really anxious and like his world is crumbling down, he cuddles with it. it's one of the only things that actually helps him calm down. it also helps when he has a panic attack, he grabs it and holds it against his chest to relax (it also helps him sleep). the only one who knows about all of this is nash.

his anxiety tends to get worse during the winter cause he can't swim in the outdoor pool. its one of his most effective coping mechanisms. swimming in their indoor pool isn't the same according to him.

he used to hate christmas bc people would get him gifts he didn't think he deserved. he loved the gifts he'd receive but thought that people shouldn't be spending their money on him and that others were more worthy.

he used to see a therapist on and off for a while (in secret) when he was younger but would always end up stopping after his grandfather found out and told him he was wasting the therapist's time. he finally starts seeing a therapist consistently in his mid-20s (so after tgg and stuff).

[borathae]

Chapter 20

oh what happened to her parents and cookie? when did the fire happen? it says years but years could 2 to 20 but she feels like someone who wont say 2 years sooo ancient, uk? so im going to guess 5+ years ago to 19 years max wait how old is our baby?

And who is that shadow sitting in the dark? WHOS THAT SHADOW HOLDING ME HOSTAGE IVE BEEN HERE FOR DAYS (stockholm syndrome by 1d)

omg we could have died and become a vampire and yoongi as our sire woah WOW idk if thats hot daddy or literal dad SHIT FREUD WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS

THERE ARE MORE VAMPIRES IN THOSE TUNNELS/FOREST AREA??

why does yoongi care? is it the caring of an old person who lived life and wants better life for the young ones or some motive? i dont get it

yay 2seok 😭we are hurt again 💀 honestly how do they put up with her? (no hate to her), like where is the mom mode? the i told you so? like why are you such caring besties? also why am i feeling like oc is a character themself and me at the same time??? like i dont want her to be scolded, heck she didnt know shit but i wanna be scolded???

“They didn’t, she is just being dramatic. I fed her my blood before she could die, she’ll heal”, Yoongi answers him dryly. wow so normal, and good news

also rip dogecoin dog

jin i doubt you wanna call him a vermin

I am tired of vampires messing with my brain.” mood

oh somebody crying on ur chest and u cant do anything other than tell them "they are strong and was just a child, was never their fault" you know it does nothing much for them, but some comfort for the night, a little amount of time until the pain and demons are back again, that shit hurts a lot, eat me away but i have to strong and fine for her cuz she deserves it fuck im rambling bye lol

Hoseok was nice enough to carry a TV up to your room and install it on your dresser. he is the man yall 😭😭😭

I don’t want to be the one doing the finishing blow.” .. “How are you so sure?” CUZ U DID THIS TO URSELF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER KOOK, U STILL HATE URSELF, filled with guilt and self loath, it shows ur humanity and the fact that its better you than anyone else heal please, let yourself heal. you did whatever you could, everything is not in your control and hence is not your fault

did jin put hard raisins in the cookies??? i soak them, that way they are chewy in the soft cookies

I feel like a bitch, but fuck it’s getting so exhausting to pretend that their sweet gestures are working.” ... “Because I don’t want to hurt them. They are doing so much for me”.. "I don’t want to hurt them by telling them that what they are doing is working shit.” wow somebody really decided to call me out

“Shit ___, I thought he liked you. Why would he do that to you?” fr, that too he tried to protect with the ring and stuff, what did they do to him?

YES SHE CONNECTED THE DOTS MY SMART BABY I LOVE U I smelled orange blossoms and cedarwood ooh thats what they smell like

Why k-kill me for it? W-what, what did do to them?"  changed taehyung and they hated it i guess

If I hadn’t angered them so much or provoked them so much maybe they wouldn’t have hurt me."  NO U DIDNT BABY, ITS ALL THEIR FAULT

Jungkook watches you as you blow your nose and wipe your eyes ... you force down a new wave of sobs... you hit your own chest to get rid of the pain. fuck that pain, that hurts a lot

He knows that gesture, he had done it a million times before in his lonely, isolated life. And it rips him apart to see you having to do it too. You should never have had to feel so broken. fuck i feel the same, knowing how much that hurts and never want them to feel, but kook and her are hurt and nothing can change it

its funny that you never feel the same for yourself, you felt that for somebody, now change that somebody to yourself whats so hard about it? too hard

“Did you just use my words against me?” stop he is cute im giggling through runny nose

“You’re cute Kook”, you tell him fondly, pinching his cheek. He lowers his eyes and scrunches his nose up UWUW THEY ARE SO CUTE SHUT UP PLS

YOONGI IS GOING TO TEACH THEM??? FUCK YES

“___ stay away, I’m dangerous again”, he squeaks. u were fine just now

right, we cant change his mind, and she cant change her mind either and taehyung just idk ah

You just never should have chatted up Alpha."  true, but im sure joon would get to us somehow and that means tae and jimin too. maybe it will take longer thats all

“You’re finally done withering away?” he asks coldly. how nice

Hoseok scratches the back of his neck, “yeah uhm, that’s fine too.” pls hes trying his best

“sure, I can smell the honesty in your sweat.” Hoseok smells himself, furrowing his brows. hobi baby really believed for a second there lol

I got broken up by my boyfriend in the rudest way possible and almost died. fr

“Hey”, Jungkook says, waving his hand shyly. HE IS UP AGAIN YAY

“I have my methods, trust me.” ok min suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong

“Nothing, I just can’t stand you.” i just know jimin would have said, then sit down

“W-what?” he stutters, looking at Yoongi with big eyes. EXACLTY LOOK AT LIL BABY, U CANT BE RUDE

“let’s go eat Kook, I’ll show you how to hunt animals.” “Really? You can do that?” Jungkook gasps, seeming excited. YES AND IT BEGINS YALL YEEHAW

“I can’t decide if I like this dude or not” fr hobi

“What did you do in your room yesterday?” she danced to itzy, thats all

“I didn’t slip on the pillow, I tried to kick the pillow and slipped on the carpet which resulted in my twisting my ankle and then falling on my tailbone” beautiful, i can totally see it. cuz i did fall similarly once

“Even better, shit I would have loved to see that”, he wheezes. tag urself, im hobi

Jungkook drags himself into the room, plotting down next to you with a loud yawn that exposes the back of his throat to all of you. wow that too in those pink briefs and socks THAT ARE PULLED UP ALL THE WAY worse than what we wear when delivery guy comes

was he that sleepy he didnt smell her? mood cuz thats the type of vampire i would be, sleeping for hours

“Hey ___”, he says, laughing awkwardly. MOM HES SO CUTE FUCK

“Yeah, ha. Hahaha”, he scratches the back of his neck. He is so flustered, you know he is. 100% i just know his neck would be all red

He seems to be proud, watching Jungkook with a fond smile. So he did it on purpose. Make him chuckle with a funny story and lessen the anxiety he feels. He is so sweet sometimes. irl its jin the ice breaker and its soo good uknow??

“Stop talking to him like that!” you speak up. PERIODT UR SCARING THE BABY

“You will not go to your apartment on your own” fr thanks yoongi what joon or jimin is waiting right there???

“It’s decided then”, you say and drag him with you by the collar of his leather jacket, “come now.” AAH TOO HOT FUCK THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS THING

Protection. You think I’ll let you drive without it?”

It squishes your cheeks and hurts your nose as he pulls it down, making you groan. “Jesus, you want to strangle me?” “Sometimes yeah” I LOVE THEM

That’s the problem with Yoongi. You never know if he was joking or being serious. ngl taehyung did that too, in the previous chapters

“My plants, I need to take care of them”, they are prolly dead 💀

“Aaaah that”, you smirk. “Princess seriously, invite me inside.” FUCK SHE IS REALLY TEASING AND TESTING HIS NON-EXISTING PATIENCE thats both hot and funny as fuck, sorry yoongles 😭😭

“I don’t like the fucking games you are playing today, you hear me?” “Yoongi pull your knee away this instant” He pulls away immediately and steps back, fixing the heavy rings on his fingers. what a rude but cute distinguished gentleman

oof what a bad boi “You are such a freaking dick, no wonder you have no friends” shots fired oof

WOW HOLY SHIT JIMIN WAS WAITING THERE LIKE A JOBLESS IDIOT

If he would have been the one to find you….” he trails off, blinking rapidly. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHO?? NAMJOON YOU MEAN??

“you are literally such a good person and I fucking hate it.”yup figured that “You made him good. Taehyung, you gave him back his humanity, made him vulnerable, reminded him what happiness feels like and I hate you for doing this to him.” there, asshole said it

I just hate that you are the reason Taehyung hurts.” but its you tho, use 2 braincells for that

“….did you get it?” his voice slowly comes back again, as if you were finally submerging from water, “Save. Him.” bruh, leave his alone for that

OH YOONGI FUCK WHERE WERE YOU, no actually its good u stayed inside, we got some info

damn this was long anyways feelings were feelings, emotional as fuck now

oh what happened to her parents and cookie? when did the fire happen? it says years but years could 2 to 20 but she feels like someone who wont say 2 years sooo ancient, uk? so im going to guess 5+ years ago to 19 years max wait how old is our baby?

in Sanguis Alpha she is around 23-24 and the thing with Cookie happened when she was around 10 😭

omg we could have died and become a vampire and yoongi as our sire woah WOW idk if thats hot daddy or literal dad SHIT FREUD WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS

that would actually be so hot nfdnasf 🥵

THERE ARE MORE VAMPIRES IN THOSE TUNNELS/FOREST AREA??

SCARY SHIT LIKE HELLOO

why does yoongi care? is it the caring of an old person who lived life and wants better life for the young ones or some motive? i dont get it

gaah these are the right questions indeed 👀

also rip dogecoin dog

THE DOG DIED??? why would you just drop that so casually noo omfg I'm genuinely so sad right now 😭😭

jin i doubt you wanna call him a vermin

JFAJDSF he gives no fucks and I admire him for that <3

oh somebody crying on ur chest and u cant do anything other than tell them "they are strong and was just a child, was never their fault" you know it does nothing much for them, but some comfort for the night, a little amount of time until the pain and demons are back again, that shit hurts a lot, eat me away but i have to strong and fine for her cuz she deserves it fuck im rambling bye lol

no but I love that she has Hobi to comfort her :( he is such a good person and amazing friend 😭

Hoseok was nice enough to carry a TV up to your room and install it on your dresser. he is the man yall 😭😭😭

him him him him him !!!!!!!

I don’t want to be the one doing the finishing blow.” .. “How are you so sure?” CUZ U DID THIS TO URSELF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER KOOK, U STILL HATE URSELF, filled with guilt and self loath, it shows ur humanity and the fact that its better you than anyone else heal please, let yourself heal. you did whatever you could, everything is not in your control and hence is not your fault

I SOB BECUASE OF HIM HE IS SO 😭😭😭😭

did jin put hard raisins in the cookies??? i soak them, that way they are chewy in the soft cookies

jfjadjf I feel like no matter he would have prepared him, Kookie would have hated them fnadsnf

I feel like a bitch, but fuck it’s getting so exhausting to pretend that their sweet gestures are working.” ... “Because I don’t want to hurt them. They are doing so much for me”.. "I don’t want to hurt them by telling them that what they are doing is working shit.” wow somebody really decided to call me out

I feel that, I'm sorry you have to feel this way :(

“Shit ___, I thought he liked you. Why would he do that to you?” fr, that too he tried to protect with the ring and stuff, what did they do to him?

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT?????

Why k-kill me for it? W-what, what did do to them?"  changed taehyung and they hated it i guess

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

If I hadn’t angered them so much or provoked them so much maybe they wouldn’t have hurt me."  NO U DIDNT BABY, ITS ALL THEIR FAULT

PLEASE SOMEONE HOLD HER

He knows that gesture, he had done it a million times before in his lonely, isolated life. And it rips him apart to see you having to do it too. You should never have had to feel so broken. fuck i feel the same, knowing how much that hurts and never want them to feel, but kook and her are hurt and nothing can change it

I feel so sad for them please 😭😭😭😭

its funny that you never feel the same for yourself, you felt that for somebody, now change that somebody to yourself whats so hard about it? too hard

YES 100% that's me for real

“Did you just use my words against me?” stop he is cute im giggling through runny nose

hoihihiihihih <3 him <3

YOONGI IS GOING TO TEACH THEM??? FUCK YES

I LOVE THIS ENERGY FNNF

You just never should have chatted up Alpha."  true, but im sure joon would get to us somehow and that means tae and jimin too. maybe it will take longer thats all

yes 100% it would have happened regardless, especially because Tae clearly had an interest in her (in whatever way) from the beginning, so it would have definitely happened

“You’re finally done withering away?” he asks coldly. how nice

he is so kind and sweet and loving <33 :)

Hoseok scratches the back of his neck, “yeah uhm, that’s fine too.” pls hes trying his best

he is just a lil pookie :( <3

“sure, I can smell the honesty in your sweat.” Hoseok smells himself, furrowing his brows. hobi baby really believed for a second there lol

“I have my methods, trust me.” ok min suga genius jjang jjang man boong boong

he would probably throw you if you said that to him at this point of the story fjasdjf

“Nothing, I just can’t stand you.” i just know jimin would have said, then sit down

lmaooao I meaaan

“W-what?” he stutters, looking at Yoongi with big eyes. EXACLTY LOOK AT LIL BABY, U CANT BE RUDE

HE JUST A LIDDOL BABY (he is meant to be a dangerous killer)

“let’s go eat Kook, I’ll show you how to hunt animals.” “Really? You can do that?” Jungkook gasps, seeming excited. YES AND IT BEGINS YALL YEEHAW

LETS GOOOO

“Even better, shit I would have loved to see that”, he wheezes. tag urself, im hobi

lmaooaoa me for real

Jungkook drags himself into the room, plotting down next to you with a loud yawn that exposes the back of his throat to all of you. wow that too in those pink briefs and socks THAT ARE PULLED UP ALL THE WAY worse than what we wear when delivery guy comes

NO BUT HE IS SO CUTE LIKE I NEED HIM

was he that sleepy he didnt smell her? mood cuz thats the type of vampire i would be, sleeping for hours

thiiss or maybe Yoongi's training is starting to work ohohooh

“Hey ___”, he says, laughing awkwardly. MOM HES SO CUTE FUCK

I love him :')

“Yeah, ha. Hahaha”, he scratches the back of his neck. He is so flustered, you know he is. 100% i just know his neck would be all red

yes gaaah I jujst ufcking locve him

He seems to be proud, watching Jungkook with a fond smile. So he did it on purpose. Make him chuckle with a funny story and lessen the anxiety he feels. He is so sweet sometimes. irl its jin the ice breaker and its soo good uknow??

yes gosh I miss him </3

“You will not go to your apartment on your own” fr thanks yoongi what joon or jimin is waiting right there???

I love protective Yoongi fnfnf

“It’s decided then”, you say and drag him with you by the collar of his leather jacket, “come now.” AAH TOO HOT FUCK THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS THING

GIRL I FORGOT I WROTE THIS AND LOST MY FUCKING MIND UFKCKCKCKCKKCKC

the meme is me for sanguis Yoongi for fucking real

It squishes your cheeks and hurts your nose as he pulls it down, making you groan. “Jesus, you want to strangle me?” “Sometimes yeah” I LOVE THEM

ngnnfadnfn THEM THEM THEM fuck they were so exiciting

That’s the problem with Yoongi. You never know if he was joking or being serious. ngl taehyung did that too, in the previous chapters

an i oop-

“My plants, I need to take care of them”, they are prolly dead 💀

honestly? 100%

“Aaaah that”, you smirk. “Princess seriously, invite me inside.” FUCK SHE IS REALLY TEASING AND TESTING HIS NON-EXISTING PATIENCE thats both hot and funny as fuck, sorry yoongles 😭😭

FUKCCKKC I LOVE THEM FUCKKC I WANT THEM TO HATE FUC-

“I don’t like the fucking games you are playing today, you hear me?” “Yoongi pull your knee away this instant” He pulls away immediately and steps back, fixing the heavy rings on his fingers. what a rude but cute distinguished gentleman

he is all like "i may be a cunt but i ain't about that sexual harassment" JAHHAHA

oof what a bad boi “You are such a freaking dick, no wonder you have no friends” shots fired oof

THEY WERE SO MEAN TO EACH OTHER GAAH

WOW HOLY SHIT JIMIN WAS WAITING THERE LIKE A JOBLESS IDIOT

fajdsjfajds

If he would have been the one to find you….” he trails off, blinking rapidly. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHO?? NAMJOON YOU MEAN??

whooo does he mean helloo??

I just hate that you are the reason Taehyung hurts.” but its you tho, use 2 braincells for that

no but what if he isn't lying then waht?? hellooo???

OH YOONGI FUCK WHERE WERE YOU, no actually its good u stayed inside, we got some info

HAHAHAH you're like "good thing we almost died"

[fyodoro]

HII! i've been into dance moms lately help😭 can i req akito , toya, and rui (separatly) w a fem s/o who was on dance moms? if u dont wanna write this thats ok hehe have a good day!

-> 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞!

You felt a lot of indifference towards your past position, but they’re always there to tell you you’re more than your past

With Akito Shinonome, Toya Aoyagi and Rui Kanishiro

Cw! Mentions of past trauma, yelling, implied past anxiety attacks, self sabotage (kinda), you punch rui!!!! | fluff (akito’s), comfort (toya’s), Angst to fluff (rui’s)

Akito Shinonome

When Akito first met you, he knew he’s seen you somewhere before. He just couldn’t put his finger on it, but knew you were a familiar face. It wasn’t until one fateful day Ena woke up earlier than usual and put something on the family TV.

He recognized your face instantly, and everything fell into place. ‘You looked so familiar because Ena would watch you all the time on TV.’

A scoff escaped the ginger’s lips, how could he forget that? Although, you have changed quite a bit since you stopped appearing on the show. The version of you practicing on the television now is so tiny compared to who you are now. Both mentally and physically.

“You’ve been a little too interested in Dance Moms Akito, you feeling okay?” Ena said teasingly. It’s not often she saw her brother paying attention to something like that.

“I’m fine. Hey- does it really matter what I watch and don’t watch?” Ena laughed at his remark, brushing him off and sending him to the Cheesecake shop they both like to pick a slice up for her.

The younger rolled his eyes in annoyance at her request, but did so anyway. At least he could get a slice for himself.

The walk was just like any other, gripping the money tightly in his pocket and only focusing on his destination. Well, that was Akito’s main focus. Coincidentally, he just so happened to see your face in the crowd. It took him a moment to recognize that it was the current you. After all, he just finished watching your younger self on an old show.

There was a silent debate in his head on whether he should go up to you or not. ‘Wouldn’t that be creepy?’ He thought. But it’s not like he’s a stranger to you… you couldn’t mind too much, right? Before he could finish the debate, the boy found himself walking your way already.

“Oh, Akito? I didn’t know you came around these parts. What’s up?” The small smile on your face felt a little forced, but Akito paid no mind to it.

“I could say the same to you, I didn’t think someone like you would come to such a crowded area.”

His words rang in your head a bit, ‘someone like me?’ You thought. While you didn’t want to acknowledge it, you knew what he was talking about. ‘I guess I can’t keep it a secret for too long to anyone.’

“Oh well you know, it’s been so long since I dropped out the show. Not many people recognize me anymore. Which actually, I’m pretty grateful for.” You said. While you liked the attention for a bit, it got overwhelming fast. Learning how to keep up with fake fronts to strangers was exhausting, though Akito didn’t seem to mind the natural you.

“Yeah, I only realized it was you when my sister put one of your episodes on earlier. But it’s cool, you’re still (Name) at the end of the day.”

Something about his words were comforting. At the end of the day, you were just a regular person. It felt nice to have someone acknowledge that without putting you on a pedestal.

“Hey, where were you heading?” You asked. Partly out of genuine curiosity, and partly out of wishful thinking. Maybe you can tag along with him.

“The bakery, I’m picking up some cheesecake for me and my sister. She sends me on these errands a lot.” He scratched the back of his head a bit. One thing you both had in common? Keeping up a fake appearance in front of certain people.

“Oh, I know the bakery your talking about, I love it there! Can I come with you, perhaps?” Honestly, you just wanted to get out of the crowded plaza. Otherwise if someone recognized you here, you’d be too exhausted to do anything for the rest of the day.

Akito didn’t mind one bit. He sensed some desperation in your voice, and assumed what you were thinking. There was a mutual understanding that both of you were trying to make yourselves look good right now.

He wouldn’t mind getting to know the other side of your personality a lot better.

Toya Aoyagi

Toya wouldn’t have known who you were until An pointed it out. He wasn’t aloud much television or internet access as a kid, and when he was, it was always monitored. So to say he was clueless would be an understatement.

It didn’t help that An was so casual about it, just casually saying;

“You see that student? They were on this show I used to watch as a kid, Dance Moms, isn’t it so cool she goes to our school?”

When Toya hears this, he thinks it might have been an idol show, and you were a former idol. It wouldn’t be anything new for An to be so normal about being acquainted with a popular figure. The dual hair boy let his curiosity get the best of him and looked up this… “Dance Moms.”

He only watched the episodes you were in, trying to understand where your coming from and what made you so special. Though when he finished, he felt more worried about you than he’d have liked.

Watching you get screamed at over messing up precise steps, seeing you get belittled to put other dancers up, it looked traumatic. He could understand why you dropped out of the show, the experience didn’t seem like a pleasant one.

The next day, seeing you in the halls felt… different. He just watched a big chunk of your childhood, and now he has to act like he doesn’t know a thing about you. Surely you wouldn’t like to be talked to cause you were on such a exploiting show as a kid? With each passing period, he noticed you more and more.

But seeing you alone throughout the day made the boy feel bad. Did you choose to be alone? Did others avoid you because of how they watched you get screamed at so much as a kid? He wasn’t sure. But he was sure something in him made him take a seat next to you on a bench.

The silence was awkward and the tension felt thick. ‘I definitely should have thought this through.’ He thinks. He clears his throat, getting ready to speak before you ended up speaking first.

“What do you want? Come here to tell me how bad of a dancer I was on that show?” Your voice was laced with disgust, emphasizing that disgust even more when you mentioned “that show.”

While Toya was no expert on dancing, he knew that your dancing wasn’t bad at all. Sure, you might have screwed up a few moves. But didn’t everyone? Yours just so happened to get more shunned than any others did.

“No, actually. I’ve seen you alone a lot, and everyone could use some company.” He said sincerely. He knew bringing up your status wasn’t a good idea, and avoided mentioning it. You appreciated that, but only a bit.

You looked frustrated. ‘Why would you be frustrated?’ He thinks to himself. He would understand being upset, or even a bit annoyed. But frustration felt like an odd emotion to feel in this situation. To him, at least.

“You’re just going to try and get close to me, get a little bit popular, and leave with that popularity. That’s what they all do, I assume you’re no different from them. Maybe your double colored hair represents how two faced you are.” That’s a bold claim…

He began piecing the puzzle together. You were always alone because you distanced yourself from everyone, and you had a fear. It made sense now, the fear of being used was a scary one to him. At the same time, he wants you to see having real friends is important, much better than being alone.

“In that case, could I prove to you I’m not… ‘two-faced’?” He asked. You almost choked on your spit at that. Why would he want to prove anything to you?

“If you try hard enough, maybe. I can’t be fooled easily by whatever your going to do.” There was a trace of amusement in your voice, as if this was the first time you’ve heard a funny joke. But with that amusement also came bitterness.

Toya made a pact with himself, and a silent pact with you. He would do whatever it took to show you having friends isn’t so bad, as long as you find the real ones. And he’s okay with being your first real friend.

Rui Kamishiro

Rui was sure he was mistaken. Someone so talented- popular- someone with such a clean reputation… wants to be with him? He couldn’t believe it.

For a moment, he thought of putting distance between the two of you. Someone like you shouldn’t be around someone like him. People would surely get the wrong idea, and then you’d lose everything. He didn’t want that for you, not at all.

The best way to avoid that outcome?

Distancing himself.

The tall alchemist almost felt like he was in junior high again. The way he pushed you away was all too familiar to the way he pushed Nene away, and he hated it. But, this was for your own good.

At least, that’s what he wanted to believe.

He found it difficult to keep you away. After class ends, you’re always running up to him with lit up eyes. It was a subtle part of his day that he didn’t realize he loved so much, he missed it.

Now he had to ignore that light and walk directly to the next class. It hurt, but he paid no mind to it. You were probably doing just as well, if not, better, without him.

Though that wasn’t the case at all.

In your eyes, Rui had left you alone in the dark. There was no explanation for the sudden cut off, there was no sign of it beforehand. It had you running in circles in your mind. ‘What could I have possibly done?’ You thought.

You attempted to confront him, multiple times in fact. But every time he sees you, he scurries away hastily. Apart of you wanted to slap him across the face, but the other part just wanted to break down in front of him and beg for an explanation.

You two were practically best friends before all this. He helped you out of being crowded by old fans and was like a bodyguard at times. Rui never cared about the person you used to be, he only cared about the person you are now. It meant a lot to you.

But now it seems he’s forgotten all about that.

You needed to corner him if you wanted an explanation. He had to be alone with no excuse to just “go away.” You just had to catch him at that perfect time. Even if it takes awhile, you’ll wait as long as you need for him.

A few days went by with 0 luck. The only time you saw an opening, he started messing with two underclassmen. One looked like he was about to snap Rui’s neck while the other was keeping him from doing so. It was an amusing sight, and you were happy to see Rui in his element. Even if you wish those two underclassmen went another way.

Making your way to the vending machines, you spotted the familiar purple haired boy fiddling with the buttons. A look of irritation plastered on his face as he begins to shake the machine from the sides.

‘Ah, something must have gotten stuck.’ You thought. This wasn’t an opportunity you could miss, it was too good. You walk up to Rui and the vending machine, helping him shake it a bit more vigorously before the soda candy finally dropped. He bent down to open the slot and retrieve his snack, and then turned to you.

“Why thank… you..” A face of realization flashed across his face. ‘Theres no way out of this one.’ He thought.

“Rui.”

“(Name)…”

Rui looked at everything except you, trying his hardest not to crack open. What could you possibly want from him that’ll put your reputation at risk?

“Can you tell me? Tell me what I did. You stopped talking to me out of no where, and keep avoiding me! Do you have any idea how hard I’ve been trying to talk to you?” Your voice cracked a bit. There was a deep sense of desperation in your voice that only a fool could miss, and Rui was no fool.

“I just thought you’d be better without me (Name). You’re talented, beautiful, and most of all, a good person. If people see you with me they’re going to think you’re a weirdo like me.” He never realized how dumb his idea sounded until he said it out loud. He wanted to distance himself because you were more important than him? ‘Pathetic of me…’ he thinks.

A silence coated the two of you, and the last thing you wanted was to indulge in it. This whole time… he was avoiding you because of your reputation? Because he didn’t want to ruin your reputation just by being around you? You wanted to laugh.

“I hope you know how happy I am being your friend. You don’t water me down to “a previous dancer on television” and you never did. I always appreciated that and I just- I just want to keep being with you Rui.” This time you couldn’t stop the voice cracks, or the lone tears falling down your cheeks.

Like all the times before, Rui pulled down his sleeve and wiped your tears. His gesture made your heart melt like it always did. He couldn’t stand seeing you cry, it was only worse you were crying because of him.

“I’m sorry (Name), if I had known… I would have stayed with you. I won’t let a mistake like this happen again, I promise.” His tone was sincere and gentle. His hands still on your cheeks from wiping your tears, it was a moment you could stay in forever.

But you weren’t going to forget what he did that easily, no matter the reason. You pulled away and punched his shoulder a little harsher than intended. He yelped in brief pain, clutching his shoulder.

“What was that for??!” He nearly laughed, but refused to give you the reaction you wanted.

“That was for leaving me in the dust for days! Do it again, and it’ll be worse.”

Rui didn’t wanna know what that meant, and deepened the promise he made in his head SK he would certainly never do that again.

Despite the stinging pain he felt, he smiled.

‘I really missed this..’

[floridakilo]

hi rose I seek your romantic guidance: met a nice boy in college before I discovered my freak tendencies. we've been together for 6 years now n talked about it a lot and there's just a sexual disconnect. he doesn't relate to my desire to explore and doesn't want an open relationship

He's literally been my first everything and I really don't want to lose this person I love so dearly but I feel like I'm denying the part of myself that fully wants to be a bisexual slut. am I being shallow/selfish for putting my self discovery over someone so important to me?

as someone who was also in a long term relationship in my late teens and very early twenties i wouldnt use the fact that youve been together six years as a (sole) justification especially because people change significantly during that time period… as far as you feeling a “disconnect” i guess it depends how long youve felt like that bc if its something that could be mediated together, and if everything else in the relationship is fine other than the sex, i would try to make things work and if it doesnt go from there… if its truly unfixable within the context of the relationship and if you arent getting fulfillment anymore than thats different… i was with my ex for three years and wasnt physically/sexually attracted to him so it was doomed from the start but in your case idk

[loveandfictionforall]

Hello love, I hope you have a wonderful christmas eve!! Do maybe feel like writing a bnha request? Or headcanons, thats fine too. Maybe about reader finally telling Shinso they love him?

Guess who's back? I am still coughing but I finally have some energy again. Well, reader did not exactly told him so but yeah, see for yourself.

If you like what you read, please be so kind and reblog :)

Until you felt ready to say it to him, a really long time passed. cLike at least six months.

Shinso is still the guy who doubts himself and does not recognize that people can like him - and even fancy him. And because of that, he always thought of you as a friend - or a best friend - and never thought further, even when he secretly hoped it.

So of course, you had to do the first step. You always heard from your friends, like Momo and Mina, but even Bakugo, that you should go for it. Well, Bakugo did not say it with nice, encouraging words but rather along the lines of: "Do it or lose your heart when someone else is faster than you because than you are not good enough."

It happened when you were walking with Sinsho (on not a date date but actually a date but he would never think of that)

So, everthing was just as always. You both talking about your interestes, about your annoying classmates (but you were still thankful that Mineta got swapped with Shinso) and so on.

And like always, Shinso had to make himself weaker than he is by comparing himself with Midoriya and Shoto.

You finally had enough. You stopped dead in your tracks, some people had to step aside because they nearly ran into you. Shinso noticed it after a few seconds and turned towards you.

Typically, you tended to not be as forward as you were right. YOu tended to overthink, also doubting yourself and that people could like you. But you could not stand it anymore how Sinsho could think that he was weak and that nobody would find him comforting.

You closed that few meteres between the two of you and just kissed him. Just like that, with no hesitation and without saying a words.

Shinso was perplexed and shocked and happy. And thus - he did not react.

You could feel how your heart began to hurt so badly but before you could pull away or let the tears fall, Sinsho kissed back. And just like that, you heartache lessened.

[spikeinthepunch]

this is a topic i hate to bring up bc it could easily be misread, or it could even bring bi/panphobes to my post to twist it to their narrative but its a topic that i just. really think ppl need to think more on, as i see more RPGs come in with "no sexualities, you can romance anyone".

as mentioned this alone can be read poorly and i guess my fastest "wait hold on-" statement is, this isn't about not wanting bi/pan characters. this is about game devs seeming to decide that the solution to gay rep lacking in romance choices is to just decide on this vague concept of... no specific sexuality, thus who romances them doesnt matter.

really, thats my problem in its shortest summary. yes this was spurred by the news of the new dragon age game, though its been something i feel like has occurred many times through the last years so this isnt anything new... the problem with this is that no, i dont think it is good lgbt representation to just say "no sexuality" and the reason why i say no sexuality and not bi/pansexuals is that... thats what it is. some of my thoughts are well explained in alxander avila's video "did the sims make you gay?", where basically... in my eyes the lack of recognition of any clear sexualities takes out any weight that there is a gay character there at all.

the problem arguing against the 'no sexuality' is that there will always be people, especially in the game scene, who just want their nice little rpg with no worries about their sexuality being brought up because often times that would also mean recognizing an in universe difference, and some times stories that even work oppression into it based on sexuality. you can have your worry free oppression free 'no sexualities ever talked about' world, thats fine! but the issue is that i think we are starting to lose any attempts to have actual gay stories told in rpgs because of it.

why cant i get another dorian pavus? a character who's gayness was up front in his personal story even if you didnt romance him. that character astounded me in its way of telling such a gay story, because i felt like i hadnt played any rpgs with lgbt options that recognized their sexuality at all. even so, DA had other gay only characters who didnt much bring up their sexuality but despite that i still enjoyed knowing that some were gay, straight, or bi. its variation. it felt natural. and DAI recognition of someone actually being gay did it even more- it made me feel more seen and heard than any previous gay romance. even if some of that was very hard to see (the fact dorian faced oppression and bigotry) it still felt worth it for my experience as a gay person.

like i said, people can have their stories with no worries and no bigotry, but i am really missing a gay connection to these supposed bi/pan characters because no one ever talks about it in game. no one talks about your gender specifically in relation to their relationship with you, no one says much of anything about being bi or pan, no one else on the outside recognizes this either because in this world sexuality isnt discussed. and so in turn... the bi/pansexuality basically doesnt exist at all. i can enjoy a gay utopia but a real gay utopia in our society would... still have us having lived through everything we did to get here. our labels and our identity are what make us. what make us love and relate to each other and feel connected. video games with a gay utopia like the Sims do not have some kinda in universe history with what we went through. thats the detachment here. they did not struggle, they did not live through generations of finding the words that explained themselves, the years of fighting for your love. it is normal there- it is normal and it is never recognized as "different".

i will look forward to the non-straight rpg romances as much as anyone else, i still love to play and see them but im not really doing it with any expectation that the story will implement their apparent bi/pansexuality. i dont think this is a solution to the complaints about no representation, because more and more i dont even relate to these characters' being queer due to the fact there is no real integration of their sexuality into the world/story. it starts to just be 'everyone can romance them, so they dont complain'. i want an rpg where we have bi, pan, straight, gay etc character romance options. i dont care if you wanted to romance some straight girl, or some gay man, and you dont align with their sexualities. i dont care. it feels real, and it feels good for characters to identify with specific things. and you can do this without needing to bring in the oppression/minority issues!! i want to be able to use these specific sexuality choices from companions to even further define my own character's preferences too! i just. want to be recognized in a way that doesnt address it at all.

its not unlike the issues we are starting to have with 'no gender, just bodies A and B' when it comes to character creation... Taking out one part (recognizing sex/gender binary) doesnt suddenly get rid of all the other things that need to be addressed about it. and in this case, what needs to be addressed is... why are we seeing this trend? why have we eliminated the sexualities all together? is that really the solution to not being represented? are we actually losing important stories and perspectives for queer people in the process?

[cyborg-squid]

I;m mid-Dressrosa arc right now, which has been very neat, Doflamingo* is a very cool villain and it's interesting seeing Sabo (the least hot of the three brothers, if we're being honest) for what's basically the first time, and Luffy unintentionally rallying all the gladiators behind him... but this is also where my gripes with OP start coming out.

first is that this TL/upload has the QnA portion at the end of the volumes, which would mostly be whatever, but there're these two stupid little things which annoyed me. one was Oda doing genderbent art of the Worst Generation (i'm seeing a lot of Fem Law art on my feed), which is fine, but what annoyed me was then giving them each super stereotypical... girl lines? like Fem Kidd calling the alliance a "girl's night", Fem Hawkins talking about romance horoscopes, etc... only Fem Law had like a normal line. and the second, in a similar vein, in that stupid little QnA thing, someone mentioned Franky had on a shirt with JK on it, and brought up the 'JK schoolgirl' thing with him, since Franky also had braids, and Oda responded with "Haha, gross!". like. c'mon. i guess i already know how he feels about trans people but c'mon.

and with the content of the actual arc itself, it feels very intentionally mirroring Alabasta arc, like how Fishman Island mirrored Arlong Park, but here in Dressrosa... the idea of "good king=good monarchy" and "the previous royals were just so good until they were literally puppetted by Doflamingo" feels much more annoying than it did in Alabasta. probably a big part of that is how Vivi was a member of the crew for so long, we felt much more attached to her, her struggles, and her kingdom, than i do to Dressrosa. the monarchy bit also strikes meh cuz we've also seen. alternatives to that, in this very same manga, and actual revolutionaries against both monarchies and the World Government. like maybe there wouldn't be all these problems with Shichibukai taking over kingdoms from the shadows. if there were no kingdoms. (I feel like Dragon is being set up to be, if not an antagonist, an oppositional force to Luffy in some way, but I'm with him so far, honestly.)

oh and actually i just remembered a third thing i'm annoyed by. and i'm annoyed that i'm annoyed by it. it's the little "Where are they now?" sections at the start of chapters. and a large part are good and fine! It's nice seeing how Vivi is doing, or Dalton and Drum Island, or Nojiko, etc... but I don't really care seeing that CP9 survived, i'd rather they didn't. or Wapol. or 1/2 of Baroque Works. or Caribou. or Impel Down and their stupid fucking jailers. i just feels kind of... pointless when the Strawhat Pirates take down some guy, but then they end up getting away scot free, or facing basically no consequences. like what was the point?! no the Strawhats shouldn't kill everyone they fight and no they shouldnt be all imprisoned or anything, i dont support incarceration or the death penalty, but i just feel it'd have been better if. they'd been written off as dead, if we hadn't seen them again, especially in a silly little segment. i'm annoyed that i'm so annoyed by this, i'm not someone who needs moral lessons out of One Piece but god. just kill em and dont sweat the small stuff. at least, the Hachi ones and the Baroque ones did set up their later appearances, so those're fine.

*I'm reading the manga, but i did put on some Marineford episodes in the background while i farmed granblue (which is also what i do while reading the manga) and was surprised at how deep DFs voice was, compared to how he looks. like i was kind of expecting another 'okama' joke but thats just not present.

[motherofkittens94]

Ah gee I went to see hozier yesterday and yeah I enjoyed it the music was good but I had such a strange experience right first off this lady pulled me out the queue and put me to the front im used to this part happening and I'm usually kinda glad like yes that’s the one single disability perk right, queue jumping

but also this lady was making me hold her hand which was a bit much like you dont need to do that I can walk but yeah my disability is noticeable i guess and people think theyre doing good but anyway she let me go in ahead and yeah that was great but then I guess she was telling the whole staff about me or something because like literally every other ten minutes some new staff member would corner me ask if I was okay or why I was alone or if was I lost or if I needed help I would say I'm okay not lost im by myself I can manage but then some other person would come later and ask me again if i was okay and if I wanted help and Its like again??

eventually they moved me to the raised platform which is not what i booked ok but fine it is a better view there from thanks but I dont see why people felt the need to be checking me so much i wasnt drunk i wasnt injured i wasn't upset i was not doing anything out of the ordinary nothing that anybody else wasn't also or less even i mean there were very drunk people there and they weren't being asked if they were okay

I mean asking once fine nice even

twice ?understandable but like seven /eight times? Frickin weird leave me alone already I can manage

Like I feel I should be grateful they were helping me and it sort of was and you may think oh but everyone wanted to assist you wouldnt you perfer that? surely worse things could've happened instead you got better treatment thats good right?

Yeah maybe but you know it was going on so often it made me feel self conscious like clearly I was coming off as not normal and /or vulnerable somehow or maybe they didnt believe i was as old as i said i was or idk but i didn't ask for help and didn't really need it either I just wanted to have fun listen to music relax be a regular person like everybody else there

It would've been fine- if i had asked for help - I didn't

Also afterwards they didn't even let me leave until it was nearly empty and then they all waving at me like goodbye sweetie goodbye _like embarrassing how am i ever gonna come back here now after this

and then they made two guys walk with me all down the street because i was going home by myself ive done this same journey a billion times i know what im doing

so anyway thats not even the end of it because next I take the train back and get off my stop someone in the train gets off to ask I'm okay and if I know where to go like yes I'm going home then as I go up the hill this lady is following me annnd then she asks im okay and if i need help as well!

what do you think I'm doing!

like what the hell is wrong with me tonight that nobody thinks I'm okay? I don't know what you think is wrong whats the matter with me huh? I can't work out what I did that made everyone so concerned except just being there

I was by myself fair- i guess if someone was with me all this wouldn't have happened and yeah im a loser and i go to events by myself sometimes so what? its not illegal though is it im twenty eight not bloody five i literally live there I don't need help walking around im not lost I dont need you to pretend to befriend me I did not need help

Maybe i took this all the wrong way because yeah they wanted to help but it felt like every single person was singling me out and letting me know they think I'm strange and that I cant cope

Uncomfortable!

This is what i get for trying to do normal gal activities I guess

[kurtkunkleslefteye]

erm maybe dont read this..

"You dont really mean this do you..?" Your boyfriend or well.. EX boyfriend says to you after you and him had a fight that broke your last nerve in his living room and told him how you actually felt and broke up with him. hes been horrible to you. you shouldve done this AGEESSS ago, but oh well atleast youve done it now.. but how will you get home? i mean hes the one who picked you up and all. you could always call a spree but last you heard there was a killer going around tonight using the spree app. you decide dying is better then being stuck in this house or even worse in a car with him for 10 minutes. "im going home" you say to him "wait- but you cant! i wanna talk this through." he says. he seems serious but hes been too horrible for you to forgive him. "theres no talking through this im sorry." you say but youre not sorry. not one bit. "im ordering a spree so dont worry about driving me home" you say. "isnt there a murderer though??" he says. "i seriously dont care if theres a murderer" you say. he walks to his room so you open your phone and order a spree. it takes a minute to get anyone to accept it but.. finally someone does, their name being 'kurt' you take a second and just think of how much you hate that name. who names their kid that? anyway though, you wait for about 5 minutes and you hear the sound of a car pulling into the driveway you look out the window and the car has a spree sticker on it. at the same time you see that your phone goes off "YOUR SPREE DRIVER HAS ARRIVED" time to go. you walk to the front door, open it, and walk down the few steps he has outside of his front door. you walk over to the car and open the door. "Y/N, right?" he says looking straight at you. "oh uhm yeah." something about him.. doesnt feel right, his hair is insanely greasy you would guess he hadnt showered in a year or something, he smells horribly. but you sit down, close the door and buckle up. "oh uhm hey i hope its okay- i have some cameras set up for-.. protection." he says pointing to the various cameras on the windows. "oh yeah, its fine" you say not really careing and just wanting to go home. but wait.. didnt the news say the murderer was livestreaming..? oh whatever its probably nothing. he puts the car in reverse and pull out of the driveway finally. as he drives away you can see into your exes window. hes crying. that actually makes you feel a little bad but its too late for that. for most of the rest 3 minutes you are just staring out of the window next to you sometimes hearing a ding come from kurts phone. "hey" he says trying to get your attention. "hi" you reply. "you dont mind if i turn on some music right?" he asks. "oh no not at all. what music do you listen to?" you reply. "uhh well i mostly just listen to stuff i made." he says. "oh my god! you make music? thats so cool! i would love to hear it." you say. he turns on some sort of electronic music. it sounds pretty shitty but also sounds like he knew what he was doing atleast. he turns it up at ear bleeding levels but you really dont wanna talk to him alot more so you just kinda cover your ears. he notices and turns it down some. "sorry if it was too loud" he says "its okay" you reply. hes too nice to be the killer, right?..

PEACE KURTIES!!

[tiredhawks]

He starts stealing and other petty crimes and gets money and a place and food and its NICE being in controll of your life its NICE not having to fight and grovel and scrape for the littlest bit

So he makes more "friends" and stops even trying engaging with other people

He gets lazy and entitled, he starts losing his hold on reality and all his clones are sick of being the ones doing the hard dirty work while the original lavishes and so they tie him up and kill eachother and he has to watch and he knows when a clone dissolves so he can feel them "die"

And what little reality he was still in touch with dissappears

Side note: part of what fucked vincent van gogh up so bad is that he was born one year to the day after a stillborn brother of the SAME NAME, his mom made him visit that brother's grave every day with her

So he was basically looking at his own grave his entire childhood

Twice got the live action 3d surround sound version of that

Now hes a mentally unstable cigarette smoking orphan, with a criminal record, no education and rapidly dwindling resources who hasnt had a real human friend in a decade

Pt 2/2

☆

This actually helps a lot because I guess my view of Twice was that he was really lonely because of his mental illness, and when the League took him in he devoted himself to them. What I didn't get was why that would compel him to make the "sacrifice" to hurt people. Like, the other villains were trying to change society one way or another, I saw Twice as someone wanting to protect the people he cared about. In a way it seemed like he already completed his goal of not being alone anymore, or even that he could find it elsewhere without doing what he was doing-

But he can't and his life has shown that. Having people to care about is his change to society. It's what they took from him and what he's taking back and keeping. He's fighting to protect those friends from the society that hurt him and make it so no one else will be abandoned like they were.

This actually makes what he said to Hawks hurt way worse now that I'm thinking about it that way, "it would be too sad not to". He didn't just feel bad for Hawks, what he wanted was that society didn't put anyone else in the position he used to be in, so he became Hawks' friend. He knew how it felt to be alone so even though it was risky, he couldn't do that to Hawks. Twice could never be just like the people that abandoned him. He wanted to be to Hawks what the League was to him.

If anyone wants to add comments thats fine I'm just thinking out loud. I'm new here.

[peridyke]

Hihihiiii I know you're going on testosterone now, which is super cool and I'm so happy for you! What is the process for all this stuff like? Do you have to talk to someone about changing genders or can you just get testosterone without a script? I'm not trans myself, but I want to learn more about all this stuff!

Heya! so full disclosure i live in california in a relatively liberal area and I think that probably played a big hand in my ease of access for transition care but the process wasn't difficult for me and mostly just involved waiting.

the first clinic I contacted is closer to the college here with a lot more traffic from other young trans people so getting a call and appointment was kind of an ordeal because of how long the wait list for transition care was (i think there initial estimate for an appointment date was multiple months after I had called) BUT I was able to get a much closer appointment after I was recommended to switch to the clinic branch that was a town away. I basically just called and said I wanted to look into transition and later I got a call back with one of the nurses (I think?) interviewing me about how I identified and what I wanted/giving me general information about what hormones do and my options and what I could expect. the person I talked to was a very cool trans man and it was nice being able to talk to another trans person about hormones when getting into the specifics of my transition goals.

I think like a month later I had my actual appointment with my doctor who was a very nice young gay seeming cis lady and it wasn't hard for me to talk about what I wanted with her. the nurse I had talked to had mentioned testosterone compound cream as an option for me and I was interested in it but the doctor I talked to said it can be difficult to get it covered by insurance so I ended up being prescribed testosterone gel.

something that I was REALLY insecure about and what kept me from pursuing transition for years is that I want to transition specifically to treat bottom dysphoria and that felt like something that would be extremely awkward to explain to a doctor, but I found out that its actually a common reason for transition lol. I also worried that my identity as a lesbian and not a more "traditionally" transmasculine person would be a hurdle when it came to explaining myself but it wasn't a problem at all. the reason I wanted compound cream is that it can be used more directly for bottom growth but I've found that using a half dose of gel has worked fine for me and my dose has been low enough that I haven't been noticeably masculinized in ways that would feel more personally shocking (that being said I've also only been on for about two months so we will see what happens!)

the BIGGEST pain was actually getting my prescription and it's because my doctor didn't tell me that I needed a blood test first so I was waiting ages for CVS to fill it until I finally called my clinic and figured out I needed to get my blood drawn ghdjfjf and about a week later I was finally able to get it filled and pick it up. I have yet to get a refill so I guess I'll find out if thats gonna be a pain but yeah LOL it was not nearly as painful as I had envisioned it being. I used to feel resigned to never having the body I wanted and I tried all kinds of reverse psychology to make myself happier but now that I'm on track for getting where I wanna be I'm already feeling so much better ^_^

[ducknotinarow]

“They hurt you, didn’t they?” ( Hmmm. Leo & Raph, but which verse - I'll let you surprise me uwu )

| Muse interactions Hot Head!

Dick!

Big jerk! Cry baby! The water was nice and cool over his skin, as he was resting in the more shallow area of the pool of water of their lair. It was his favorite place to brood when anger brunt out but hadn't made him feel better. Sometimes when he cooled off he just sit around with the rest of them but, he wanted to be alone. Just to much on his mind..sometimes he missed Spike. Well slash he guesses. He used to talk to his pet turtle when he got like this. So it hurt that he lost that now someone he could confined everything to. Some who would listen to him, with out judgement. He had gotten into a bit of fight with Mikey and Donnie. Splinter didn't help with the issue much once again being talked down to about how quick he was to snap and yell out in anger. He knew it was an issue of course he knew it was an issue!

Eyes opened to find Leo stand just over him looking down at him, he fixed his beak in to a fine line. Speaking of judgement. That wasn't fair he knew that Leo didn't..judge him. Not really. He could hear them say his name from under the water and moved to sit up now, scooting over to the side to make room for Leo to take a spot next to him.

"Hey." He had well not much energy to try and pick a fight with them or even snark out that he wanted to be alone. Nah it was clear he didn't want to be alone right now. Despite the fighting Leo was also the brother Raph could just sit around this like, their presence was nice. When they weren't fighting or when Leo wasn't being a total teachers pet.

“They hurt you, didn’t they?”

"uh wha?" Raph asked turning to look at his brother now a bit shocked they seemed to figure it out. "Pftt what me course not never I.." words start to die in the air as he tried to defend and keep up appearances just now. He got it all the time how he was just so sensitive or emotional. God he fucking hated it sometimes the teasing was just.

Raph twisted a bit so his shell was against Leo's now slightly leaning back to rest against them. It was an odd habit of Raphael's but a sigh of him being willing to talk. It was just easier to open up when they couldn't see him like this. Least that why Raph assumed he did it. Drawing his knees in to his chest now lowering his chin to rest on his knee pads. "I guess. I dunno Leo I think aye do it ta my self if anythin' I just." man words were hard, it was so hard to set words to how he felt because they tend to fail him. He tipped his head back to rest it against the lip of Leo's shell. Seeking out comfort from them right now but this was as far and willing he was to express that. "I'm trying Leo I really am tryin, but..never seems like I make an ounce of progress." Raph tried to express to his brother. Leo was bad as the rest of them calling him out on being a big baby and reducing his moment of anger as nothing more then a cry for attention.

Which okay maybe they were at times.

"I think somethin's wrong with me." He finally words it out, trusting Leo for once with this and just fucking hoping it was okay for him to do so. "nah I know there somethin' wrong with me I feel it so deep but whenever I think I got a handle on this all?" recalling how he has lashed out and nearly hurt even Leo cause of this. He chews on his bottom beak a little bit starting to pull away away from Leo "Never- never mind I'm fine. I'm just sulkin' cause Splinter got on my case again thats all. Ya don't gotta check on me, I won't take off okay." Raph reduced it too because that was usually what he did. Took off and got into trouble, figured that was the only reason Leo was here after all. "I wont cause trouble for you with Splinter so ya know go on leave me alone...better that way."

[milascenta]

December 3rd 6:39pm

So Tassy was great! I didn't exactly have high expectations as it's not really the crowd I usually run with but I did meet some great people regardless. Absolutely beautiful place, just green mountains on every horizon and massive bush lands surrounding the whole city of Hobart. I met a big bear of a dog named Devil who had the sweetest woos. Stole a trolley to taverse our gear. Ended up playing two shows, one on the first night in a beautiful warm coloured pub. We headlined that night too. The second was the last night at an afterparty at someone's house in the middle of the bush. It's where I wrote and posted my last post. I did take home covid though, I've been feeling fine with it, just a mild cold for me this time.

I saw so many bands, didn't wear mutes for all of them. I wore my mutes for the forst gig we played but took them out because I couldnt hear properly hahah. Almost blew my ears out too haha. They were pretty open places to perform at so it was ok. I think I was standing for over 48 hours all up and fucked up my lower back, Terry- I mean Tassy turned my back into a loose stack of pebbles.

I'll post a couple photos that I took, and some from my mate Esso (who takes amazing photos btw and plays amazing music too) Also I'll post some from another gig we played, cause I think I should be more proud of it so I can enjoy it more idk. I've been feeling conflicted with performing recently. I don't know if it's me changing or if it's just because I'm a bit more hyperfocussed on it at the moment.

I wish she could have been there, it would have made it easier to look up when playing haha. I don't really get nervous from playing anymore but i always just look at my hands, i guess looking at people while playing makes me nervous. You would have loved the first place we played at, such a warm vibe pub, that had DAYTONA hahaha. And it would have been great to be with you in the bush by the fire on the last day. We also saw many cider breweries, Tasmania makes great cider. Although I still felt alone there surrounded by all those people I still had a good time. I was able to explore Hobart a bit on my own and saw the whole of docks surrounded by mountains and opening to the ocean. Almost like a fjord. They had so many public electric scooters that were actually taken care of, which is super rare in Sydney haha. Also went through a street market, I fucken love those haha. So many great handmade things and the obvious cheap crap lol. Great gin too, so many gin distelleries, though my favourite is Hendricks from Scotland.

There was a Lil drama, though no band trip would be without them I guess. I shared a room with my bandmate, and he brought a girl into the room to hook up with one night, while I was there trying to sleep! I was lucky they were so drunk I think they forgot to actually fuck hahaha. Omg the snoring from both of them lol. But thats ok.

I hope these posts make you comfortable, your posts aren't too long, I actually like them long (lol) it give me more insight into what's going on with you and how you're doing. I am becoming a stronger version of myself than you last saw and knew don't worry. I often think about what you do during the day and how you're feeling, so reading for a while is nice. I love that you're writing music again, you were always so creative and talented. I saw your post with some and they are soo good, poetic and beautiful. Thank you for your kind words, you show me more support than most of the people around me. I will continue down this path, I feel stronger than before.

You described some things about yourself too and of course I would still like you how you are because you're you, it's not hair or clothes or glasses or tattoos that make you you, it's that beautiful mind of yours. Although you know how I feel about tattoos hehe. I have some now too, just a couple but I want sooo many more. Taking a break from dying your hair to let it heal is a good thing and I'm glad you did it, I wouldn't want you to turn out like me and lose it haha. Nah you won't. I know how much you love red hair and I want you to be able to continue with that for longer in your life.

I listened to Pistol when it came out too, and as with all of Cigs I thought of you first. I love that you saw Pale Waves and I love the video you posted. I remember seeing them years ago and talked to you about them, I'm so glad you got to be in their presence too.

I've learnt so much over these years, though I still don't know if I deserve love, I don't hate myself as much. And I don't drown in the guilt. Ive had to suffer to get here but really who doesn't to get to better version of themselves. I'm just so glad you're still around and so happy I'm still in this world at the same time as you. With the direction the Artemis missions are going hopefully we can go to Mars, or the Moon one day too.

And of course I still listen to that stuff, hearing your voice is so soothing and I love that you still listen to the stuff I sent you. I've been working on more music too, I have four songs pretty much done, two need lyrics and real drums recorded but place holder samples do well (witht he amount of time I spent tweaking them they better haha) and one I need to re-record because it's important to me and annoying to play ahah. I might upload the demos on soundcloud soon.

I hope this post isn't too long or intense. I was smiling like an idiot reading yours, I didn't realise how much you remembered of me.