#the amount of times i didn't do something that i really wanted to do because it caused me MAJOR anxiety

[lessi-lover]

the talk II l.williamson x l.walti

lots of content coming soon for our little stärnli 🫶🏻 ★ the talk II l.williamson x l.walti

you had been thinking about it for a while now, but you weren't sure how anyone would react to what you really wanted to call leah. you had thought about speaking to mummy about how you were feeling because she always encouraged you to speak about anything that was on your mind, but you just didn't know how to bring it up.

the desire to call leah what was bubbling in your chest was overwhelming, yet, you hesitated, unsure of how your words would be received and how uncertain the result might be.

it was a big step, and you didn't want to upset anyone.

everybody at preschool had two parents and sometimes you wondered where your second parent was, but you chose not to ask knowing that it might upset your mummy if you were to be curious, partly also that you couldn't form enough words to be able to explain your worries.

it wasn’t that you harboured any feelings that leah would be mad. in fact, you felt so much reassurance and comfort in her new presence in your life that were pretty sure she wouldn’t be. but the thought of calling her something so special felt like a really big deal, and you didn’t want to get it wrong or mess it up.

it was after a long day of training, and a long day of preschool for you that you finally built up the courage to be honest about how you felt and not pent up your emotions in a bottle any longer than you had already.

you found mummy sitting on the couch, her leg propped up on a pillow as she rested. her injury was still healing, and you knew she was in a lot of pain. she looked up and smiled when she saw you approach, patting the spot next to her for you to sit down.

"mummy?" you whispered as she finished her story, closing the book gently and placing on the side table next to her spot. "yes, little stärnli?" mummy replied, brushing a stray lock of hair from your forehead and giving you a warm smile. you hesitated for a moment, biting your lip as you gathered your nerves together so as to speak. "can i ask you something?"

"sweetheart what's wrong?" she replied, looking at you with concern as she watched you play nervously with the ends of your pyjamas, the sparkles falling from the moon bearing your attention from the swiss.

"i've been thinking about something," you began, your fingers playing with the edge of your blanket. "about lee."lia's eyes softened, and she gave you an encouraging smile as she waiting for you to speak your mind freely. "what is it, stärnli?"

You took a deep breath, gathering your courage. "Can I call her 'Mumma'?" lia's heart skipped a beat as she listened to your question, her eyes glistening over at how proud she was of the relationship you had built with her girlfriend in such a short amount of time. she had noticed how close you had become to leah, and the idea of you wanting to call her "mumma" filled her with warmth and she couldn't have been happier.

"that's a very big question, stärnli," your mummy said gently. "why do you want to call her 'mumma'?" you looked up at your mummy, your eyes filled with hope as you began to explain yourself. "because she takes care of me like you do. she makes me feel safe and loved. and... i love her, mummy."

tears welled up in lia's eyes as she brought you onto her lap, tucking your head under her chin as she kissed your hair lightly. "i think that's a wonderful idea, sweetheart," lia said, her voice filled with love as she brushed your hair back. "leah loves you very much, and I know she would be honored to be called 'mumma' by you."

you smiled brightly, feeling a sense of relief that you hadn't been judged, that your mummy had taken your question seriously and given you the answer you were hoping for. "do you really think so, mummy?" you asked innocently, poking your head out from under her chin to look her in the eyes.

"really," your mummy confirmed, leaning down to give your forehead another kiss. "we'll talk to leah about it together, okay?" she suggested, taking your small hand in hers and bringing it to her chest. "okay," you agreed, feeling content as you snuggled back into your bed. "thank you, mummy."

"you're welcome, my little stärnli," lia whispered, her heart full.

the next day felt like any other, but you felt a little lighter knowing that you had gotten it off your chest and your mummy was supportive like you had hoped.

you spent the day playing outside with mummy, drawing pictures of your friends from preschool and occasionally looking at the clock, wondering when leah would would be home from her media day.

as the sun began to set, you heard the familiar sound of leah's car pulling into the driveway and ker keys turning in the front lock. your heart skipped, and you rushed away to the door, her face lighting up as she spotted you running towards her.

"hello baby!" she smiled as she lifted you up in her arms, bringing you tightly into her chest, the blonde not having seen you for only a couple hours but it was enough time for her to miss your energetic little personality during her day.

dinner was filled with laughter as usual, leah offering stories from her day and you returning with your own stories about your day spent at home, but you couldn't help but feel a little nervous. you kept glancing at mummy, who gave you reassuring smiles as she knew what your were silently asking.

finally, as the dishes were cleared away, mummy gave you a little nod. it was time now for you to the question you've been waiting to say. "leah," mummy began, drawing her attention, "stärnli has something she wants to ask you." leah turned to you, her eyes warm and curious.

"what is it, little star?" she asked, using the term that your mum always called you by, your mind always fascinated by the stars hense your name. you took a deep breath, just like you had the night before. "leah can i call you 'mumma'?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly.

for a moment, there was silence. leah's eyes widening when she heard you, and for a moment as you could see tears starting to form. you thought she was upset she knelt down in front of you, taking your hands in hers. "oh, little star," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "i would be honored to be called 'mumma' by you."

she pulled you into a tight hug, her hand coming to pull her girlfriend into the hug who stood and watched, and you could feel her tears dripping onto your pyjama top lightly. "i love you so much, little star," she murmured.

you hugged her back, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "i love you too," you whispered.

that night, as you lay in bed, you felt a sense of peace that you hadn't felt for a long time. you had always wondered why you didn't have two parents like the rest of the kids at school, and now finally you did, everything falling into place like mummy always promised it would.

you had two mummas who loved you, and you knew that no matter what happend you would always have both of them ready to support you by your side. as you drifted off to sleep, you could hear mummy and leah talking softly in the living room, their voices soothing you to sleep.

[makuzume]

Genshin Men Reacting to Calling Yourself "Stupid" (insecure reader)

🔅characters: Cyno, Kaveh, Tighnari, Al Haitam

🔅content: gn! reader; comfort; Implied Relationship; Insecure reader uses humor as a coping mechanism for feeling 'stupid'; around 850 words per character

🔅a/n: From anon's request :))

[Genshin Impact Masterlist]

🔅Cyno🔅

Without a doubt cyno was one of the most acknowleged students of his batch. It was only natural for him to given that he now stood as the current General of the Mahamatra. But despite Cyno's high rank, his incredible fighting skills, and his intelligence, he was never one to rub it in on others' faces, and you admired him for it, but still, you sometimes couldn't help but feel just a little bit left behind.

There were times where you made jokes claiming how dense and stupid you were, to which Cyno would instantly turn his head towards you with a frown. "You are not stupid, y/n. It was just a mix-up, it's understandable" he would softly reply each time and you always brush it off with an akward chuckle right before he got a little too serious about it. But at some point, it started to not just become a mere comedic expression anymore to you.

Cyno would sometimes let you tag along to some of his meetings where they discuss the current cases they were investigating. You were always impressed by how quickly he manages to pick up certain details and predict the criminals' behavior even with little the evidence they possesed at the time.

He was also well learned in various areas beyond the scope a Mahamatra officer which enables him to connect the dots of each clue quickly. It looked like Cyno almost can always instantly come up with such complex strategies before you even finish blinking.

As you observed the meeting from the far end of the room, you couldn't help but sometimes try to play detective along with them, coming up with solutions and strategies of your own. But as you were listening to their discussion, they were already throwing out tactics on the table before you could even understand what was even the situation at hand to begin with. A lot of times it were ideas that you probably never would've been able to come up with yourself even if you had a hundred times the amount of time they had.

Doing this made you realize the gap between your intelligence, which made you shrink yourself at your seat as you quietly remained in the corner. You felt so dumb if you stood next to him, a joke. You felt like an embarassment.

After wrapping up the assembly, the two of you went out to have a meal at this new restaurant in the city. It had a foreign menu, and you kept inquiring the waiter about the meals because you didn't understand the unfamiliar terms being used to describe the dish. In the end, you just ordered whatever name sounded good- only to find out it was a dish you were allergic to. You ended up swapping meals with Cyno before you apologized, embarassed "Sorry... I hadn't realize what sort of food I ordered. That's what I get for being a little brainless huh?" He suddenly fell silent, his expression immediately saddened- his brows furrowed and his lips turned into a subtle frown as he looked at you with a softened gaze, but you were quick to change the topic into something lighter.

On the way home, you were casually talking about a book you recently read when Cyno suddenly but gently took your hand. He led the both of you to the side of the road where there were fewer people, away from the crowds.

He looked at you with a concerned expression "y/n... I couldn't help but notice how upset you looked since this afternoon... did something happen?" He spoke softly, giving you a moment to respond. 'So he noticed... I guess I really can't hide anything from him.' You thought to yourself and only shrugged it off with an akward chuckle, not wanting to worry him with such silly concerns.

"I wanted to ask you something... have you really just been joking whenever you would call yourself 'stupid' or anything similar..?"

Ah... he hit the nail exactly. In truth, you weren't surprised, you knew he was really smart to begin with.

Looking back at Cyno, you see him giving his full attention on you. There was no use trying to hide it now, you figured Cyno already knew the answer even before he asked that. Still, you didn't respond and looked down, your cheerful facade slowly begining to ceumble.

"y/n... You know that's not true." Carefully, he took both of your hands and placed them in his. "I'm always here to ease your troubles, no matter how little they may seem to you"

A part of him felt hurt that you saw yourself like that, Cyno felt somewhat responsible for not being able to make you feel reassured enough the previous times you 'joked' about those things before.

"...I'm... just an emotional mess, Cyno... I don't even make any sense most of the time." You said quietly with a chuckle as you looked down, a hint of sadness coating your voice. Cyno immediately responded "It doesn't have to make sense. I've never once found you foolish or idiotic in any way."

He released your hand. The next thing you knew, you felt his warm and gentle arms firmly wrap around you, embracing you over your arms and lovingly pulling you close to him as he caressed your back in small strokes.

"I'm not exactly sure what made you believe in such absurd ideas... and I don't know for certain yet what I could do to make you feel better.... but i want you to know i love you for exactly the way you are now, and that you are far from something as 'unintelligent'." Softly, he spoke to your ear as he continued to pet your back comfortingly. "We'll get through this together... I'll make sure you understand how untruthful these words are... it hurts me to see you feel this way towards yourself."

Tears began to form as you lightly sniffled, finally allowing yourself to lower your walls. Cyno pulled back slightly, his thumb gently brushing over your cheeks to wipe the small streams that were rolling down your face. Slowly, he planted a soft kiss on your forehead and looked at you with a gentle look "I always think of you with the highest regard, I hope you always remember that."

🔅Kaveh🔅

Honestly, Kaveh would assume it's HIM who's the 'stupider' one in your relationship

Kaveh often makes a lot of big, hasty decisions that are usually based off of his emotions, disregarding his rationality (which is a problem Alhaitham often told you when you first started dating him)

There's no denying the fact at how it's also so easy for him to become influenced or even manipulated by others, making a lot of wrong turns and questionable decisions.

"I don't know anything about the desert either, Kaveh. What do you expect from an idiot like me?" You would joke.

"Oh please, if one of us had to be the idiot, it would be me, without a doubt!" He would say with shamefully aware tone, raising both his hands as if it were the obvious.

You didn't believe him, of course. He was a brilliant architect, designing so many beautiful, and well loved structures such as the Palace of Alcazarzaray. Kaveh was even a big part of the renovations in Port Ormos, imrpoving the accessibility and practicality of certain areas- all the while making sure the aesthetics and durability were never compromised. How could a genunius such as himself ever become 'stupid', you wonder.

Over the course of a few more weeks, you kept making the same hurtful statements addressed to yourself to which Kaveh thought was just a mere joke (and Kaveh might have even been calling himself idiotic just as frequently as you did- possibly even more than you)

It was just another instance when you insulted yourself again did it suddenly click to him. "Ah, my bad. I didn't think about that. Thinking's a lot more dificult for someone as brainless as me"

Perhaps it was the way your tone sounded as you finished your sentence. The hitch of your voice and your low gaze suddenly made him come to the realization that it wasn't just a joke to you anymore.

It felt like a big slap to the face as he internally cursed himself for not realizing it sooner. 'How stupid could I be for not realizing that you felt this way???' He would think.

As he was looking back at all the times you had ever called youself something so foolosh, Kaveh slowly sat next to where you were sitting as his eyes had a worried but gentle look. He lightly stroke your back, trying to think of the right words to better reassure you, afraid to accidentally do any more harm.

He wanted to comfort you, to tell you that you're so much more than some 'idiot.'

"You are NOT stupid, let's get that clear..." Gently, he would say.

Kaveh thinks that you (and actually a lot of other people) were much better at rationalizing certain things he always failed to picture, always leading him into some heavy misfortune each time.

"Come on now.... If you think you're idiot, then I must be the king of the idiots, the BIGGEST idiot of them all!" He spoke comedically with a small smile on his face, his worried expression mildly seeping through his facade. His words felt genuine, that you weren't worth any less than you thought you did.

"...why don't we go out for a stroll? Go somewhere with a nice view and fresh air for a change of pace? Oh, we can get some treats on the way as well- maybe even have a picnic." You look at him, your expression softening. "Perfect for two so-called 'idiots' like us."

You couldn't help but smile back at him, lightly chuckling at his attempt to lighten your mood "I love you, you know that?"

🔅Tighnari🔅

Tighnari is incredibly smart, without a doubt. Ever since his days as an Amurta scholar, he had already been showing signs of great potential when it came to his intelligence, which is expected since he was heavily mentored under Professor Naphis, the current sage for Amurta.

His intelligence in understanding biology, the forest, and medicine always amazed you. Other than that, he's also very self assured, not letting any outside influences bring him any insecurities and doubt to his own capabilities, and you love that about him, but you sometimes wish that you could feel just as smart and reassured as him.

There were times you felt a bit embarassed to be his partner- you just felt like you were too 'dumb' for his own good, that he deserves someone just as equally promising and you were just... well... you. It was ridiculous, you know, but it was something you couldn't help but feel.

You were already making jokes that referred to your lack of capabilities but recently, your insecurities pushed it even further, making you joke about it whenever the moment allowed it, never missing an opportunity to attack yourself. "Hah, well I'm not the brightest person out there, so don't get you hopes up, Nari."

"I've studied mushrooms for years, y/n, no one could have also been able to remember all of them in just one night" Tighnari would only casually comment back towards you to reassure you, rummaging through his bag to get his notebook filled with notes and sketches dedicated to mushrooms. "Here, see? The one you found is slightly toxic, but it looks very similar to the one we were looking for, so you did a good job at somehow remembering how it looks."

You sat down on the grass, sighing heavily as you chuckled to yourself with a defeated voice "I'm too stupid for this task, it might have been better to take Collei, I'm sure she'd do a much better job than me. I'm just some idiot"

Tighnari puts down his bag to the side and sits next to you, using this time for the both of you to take a break from walking around the forest all morning "Collei had weeks to study the different classifications of mushrooms- you had one night. It's only natural that she would remember more than you." He said gently, a sigh leaving his lips.

The both of you remained silent for a while as you watched the forest peacefully, the gentle sounds of nature creating a relaxing moment for the two of you, somewhat calming down your built up frustrations woth yourself.

After some time, Tighnari spoke up with a soft tone "...Can we talk?" You look at him, curious where the conversation may lead you.

"I've noticed you've been acting strangely these past few days, and I've picked up some behavioral patterns you've been doing recently."

Tighnari slightly faced your direction as he saw your mildly confused expression, his voice slightly turning a bit more serious. "I've noticed you've been calling yourself such negative terms as of late... is that how you've been feeling about yourself recently?"

You fell silent, looking only at the dirt in front of your feet.

"y/n, won't you tell me what's really been going on..?"

Tighnari knew that you weren't as 'incapable' as you believed to be, but it still made him feel upset that you saw yourself that way. You're already an amazing person and an incredible partner, he didn't see how you could ever imagine yourself to be anything less than that.

Though he did understand that it was perhaps some floating insecurities you had at the back of your head, you probably weren't even fully conscious about it until now. Your 'jokes' must have been a means for some coping mechanism in defense of those insecurities, it's just a shame you didn't view them to be merely as a joke anymore.

No matter how much you hated being so called 'useless' and 'idiotic' it was still a feeling you couldn't get rid of, that it was too tied with you, a feeling you deserved.

"I never viewed you as someone incapable. You're actually much more than you make yourself believe to be." Calmly, but confidently, he spoke, which made you look at him with a slightly confused expression, uncertain how Tighnari could look so sure. Still, you sought answers, and asked him "...How?"

His expression softened slightly as his brows furrowed, just a bit. The muscles on his face slightly tugging at his lips to form a gentle smile. "You have a deep understanding of emotions, especially towards others. You are able to understand the depth of someone's feeling just by listening to them, and I think that's something to worth being proud of."

He was smart, waaay smarter than you, you believe. You're not sure if something as having emphaty would make the cut, especially since you don't think you're as adept at controlling your feelings either.

"You can feel way more complex emotions then I ever could, regardless if you can manage them or not." Tighnari scootches closer to you "I know what you're thinking. Yes, I may have graduated from the Akademiya, but that absolutely has nothing to do with your own capabilities" shaking his head gently, he spoke.

"We have a lot of our other friends who have their own things they are good at, yes? Nilou, Dehya, Candace... they're not from the Akademiya, but you wouldn't call them less than capable, won't you?" Looking down, you nodded in agreement.

"And I'm sure they would think the same for you as well, y/n. What you're feeling right now is just a bit of doubt, and that's what's been holding you back, but just know that it isn't true. You're just as capable as the rest of us. I can vouche for that." Tighnari softly said with a small smile, his hand carefully reaching for your hand and caressing it gently.

"And I'll always be here beside you yo make sure you understand that."

🔅Alhaitam🔅

At first Alhaitam didn't say anything, thinking it was mostly out of frustration whenever you would say things like "Argh! I'm such an idiot" each time you made a minor mistake or had trouble understanding a particularly difficult text you were reading, so he didn't find it as anything alarming to be too serious.

But as time passed on, he started to pick up that you were actually starting to believe what you were actually saying, making yourself think that you truly were 'stupid.' When he brought it up, you were dismissive and shrugged it off with a smile which he knew was fake, so he figured a different approach should be done.

One day, Alhaitam was piled with some work in the Akademiya and asked for your help in making some agricultural research paper that was needed to be done.

"Although I'd love to help... I don't think I'd be smart enough to do a good enough job for something so complicated as a research paper... You know me, I can't come up with anything actually useful with this small brain of mine" You tell him comically, secretly afraid of the idea of both you and Alhaitam looking at your work and feeling disappointed at the finished output.

"You haven't even started yet, give it a try first before you underestimate yourself. I'll give you a hand when you need me with anything. If you think it's too overwlemhing, then you can just leave it."

He knew you would take it, to be honest. He rarely asked you for any help (of course besides the smaller favors such as picking up some ingredients for tonights dinner on your way home). It was always Alhaitham who always seemed to have been doing you most major favors, he suspected you'd accept his request at times he needed it (and he was right).

Though it was a big responsibility- One you were afraid to disappoint him with. But a small part of you felt glad that he put such trust in you to believe that you could even complete an entire paper all on your own, as if he trusted that you were capable enough to accomplish it. So with that, you accepted it.

Day and night, you worked extra hard, spending most of your time reading through dozens and dozens of books and other related research papers to gain more background and knowledge on the topic.

Perhaps your fear to let Alhaitam down made you over exert yourself, trying to perfect the paper's content, esepcially on making the research's suggested solutions were actually useful and applicable. Hopefully, this impresses impress him, you thought (even just a little bit)

You didn't even approach him the entire 7 weeks you were working on it, not wanting to bother him.... and maybe believing that your querries were for 'simple-minded' individuals that shouldn't have even been a question in the first place. Alhaitam also didn't ask much about your progress either, letting you go at your own pace without pressure until you finished in case it would overwhelm you too much. Though even if he would've went to check on you, make sure you eating well, and even encourage you a little, it was hard for him to find your exact whereabouts most of the time. But when he does find you in your home, he sees a 'do not disturb' sign hanging on the door, so, he instead leaves some snacks and cooling patches by the entrance of your house instead.

Surprisingly, after revising and re-reading it the final draft of the paper countless of times, you actually felt quite proud once you were finished. A warm feeling and sense of achievement brought a smile to your face as you handed him the paper, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

As he skims through each page thoroughly, you felt your whole body was tense as you held your breath. He reaches the final page and says "Good job. It has a lot of great points that the Akademiya could actually use." Which brought an overwhelming amount of relief to you. He did give a few honest comments such as some minor revisions here and there, but nothing too critical.

Alhaitam couldn't help but smile (just a tiny bit) as he saw you relax and finally breathe out in relief, smiling to yourself. He was hoping this experience would make you believe more in yourself and your capabilities: To find a way to make you feel like you actually are smarter than you give credit for. You just needed the opportunity to prove it with yourself.

"Great work. I'm proud of you." Alhaitham said with a soft smile.

[Back to Genshin Masterlist] [Overall Masterlist]

a/n: aaaaaa can't believe I was in a never ending editing cycle with this one after weeks :') Might need some revisions but still- I'm so relieved this is out T0T also glad I was still able to write even though I am sickly in pain by 1000% hoping anon sees this huhu

Credits to @makuzume on Tumblr || Do not steal, translate, modify, reupload my works on any platform.

[irisintheafterglow]

iris is missing bachira again, what else is new!!

in the limited amount of time you'd spent with bachira meguru, you learned that, with the exception of soccer, his attention span was shorter than a toddler's.

he was always fiddling with something at the outskirts of your vision, spinning a pencil or rolling a rectangular eraser back and forth. a closer look revealed an assortment of little drawings at the corners and headings of his notebook pages: little butterflies, trees, flowers, rockets, fish, and anything more you could possibly think of. you sat in the seat closest to the aisle where the teacher walked through during worktimes, and you developed the habit of tapping his side of the lab table when she started getting too close. bachira would then flip to whatever page he was supposed to be completing and put on the appearance of working hard, murmuring his gratitude when the teacher passed.

it was during a lecture about aquatic ecosystems when the first bachira doodle swam its way into your notebook. you didn't notice it at first, too focused on the presentation to see his hand quickly scribble on your paper before retreating like nothing happened. but, when you finally had a second to look down and see a fish swimming next to a crudely drawn piece of coral, the tiniest smile when you looked at bachira's face was a dead giveaway. you added your own stalk of seaweed to the picture and his smile only grew larger when you slid the paper over to show him.

over time, drawings began to include questions, questions turned to full messages, and full messages became gossip and complaints that were exchanged without any spoken words. his favorite thing to scribble was we won the game, btw :D because you never failed to giggle at his terribly drawn soccer ball next to the smiley face. his most frequently asked question, however, was a tossup between what tf are we learning and i'm so hungry. he was a distraction in class, yes, but a welcome one when you needed someone to lighten a dark mood.

you found that his bored tendencies rubbed off on you, as you were itching to write something one day when the teacher had explicitly instructed you to watch the documentary without taking notes. bachira knew that you had a hard time remembering things if you didn't write them down, and his solution startled you.

"it's okay, just write on me!" he beamed at you as he whispered over the movie playing on the projector. "you let me do it all the time, so let me return the favor."

"i let you do it because none of your pens are permanent, bachira. it's also just doodles, not full sentences," you point out, a blister starting to form on the inside of your fingers as you spin your pen. "mine are a little harder to wash off, trust me."

"as long as you don't draw a dick on my face, i really don't care," he shrugs and you scoff as he's rolling up his sleeve and presenting you his blank forearm. "your canvas awaits." seeing the hesitancy on your face, he nods encouragingly and takes the liberty of drawing a very shaky smiley face on the side of his thumb. "your turn!"

for the remainder of class, bachira's chin rests in his palm with his elbow propped on the table, his other arm extended to you as you jot down whatever you want to remember for later. bachira watches you more than he does the video, memorizing the way you bite your tongue when you're thinking and the way your eyes light up when you figure out how to paraphrase a thought. it's endearing and an odd fluttering feeling occurs in his chest as you look over at him with a grateful smile. at the end of the period, you draw a heart on the inside of his wrist before rushing off to your next subject, still expressing your thanks as you push in your chair.

later, bachira brushes off his teammates when they ask why he has pen stains all over his arm; he says he didn't have time to scrub it before the game.

---

the blue lock players begin to notice an odd habit of bachira's, a sort of ritual right before every match. he rolls up his uniform's long-sleeve until just enough of his wrist is showing, and draws something on the inside of his wrist. with the cap of the marker between his teeth, bachira obviously struggles to draw with his non-dominant hand but declines assistance when isagi offers.

when he kisses the heart on the inside of his wrist before scoring every goal, he hopes that you can feel it's for you, with a promise that he'll be back to you soon.

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[vasyandii]

Hello! I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore your IHNMAIMS oc. I'm a OC x canon enthusiast and seeing a character so well written and adapted to the story as Vernon is makes me so excited!! Plus your art is literally amazing. I've been curious since you mentioned how Vernon cuts potions of her meal to give them to AM and how the food improved since AM got his body, what food/meals do Vernon and AM like/dislike/have as favourite? -for AM, at least from what he has tasted- Whether if it's because of the taste, flavour, etc.

Howdy Anon! Thank you so much for the kind words, I've been giddy since I got it a few days ago! I'm glad my OC x Canon content gets your stamp of Approval >:D!! 💞💞

VernonAM 🏺🖥️ Food Preferences

I think Vernon is careful in choosing the food she shares with AM because he will eat literally ANYTHING. She would try to eat things to torture herself with, extremely spicy foods, live insects, raw organs, etc. but then remember that she has to "Feed AM". So she opts out for something normal so his taste buds don't get fucked.

Or as normal as it can get, the food kind of has the uncanny valley effect as well. It looks normal and tastes normal, but she feels there's something a bit off about it (kind of like airplane food). So she often leaves criticism to the Chef™ (AM) or asks to cook instead.

Vernon isn't particularly picky when it comes to food, she'll eat it and clean her plate. She likes her food balanced, vegetables/meat with sauce and all that. If it tastes good, she'll eat it, y'know?

AM is more... difficult. Sure, he'll eat anything, but if it tastes really bad, it'll traumatize him and he'll refuse to eat it for a while.

His food has to not be touching, if it's mixed in all together beforehand he'll eat it. If there's sauce it shouldn't be close enough to where it can contaminate the food AM's eating because he WILL taste it, no matter how small the amount is. His utensils need to be a specific size, and the food HAS to be hot/warm. He needs to be able to see or know every ingredient in it.

It's observed that AM likes fried foods/anything crunchy because of how consistent they are in taste, texture, and flavour. So what ends up happening is Vernon will just include those foods into her meal, just to not eat it and have it on a little plate for him.

Vernon asks him why he can't just make food for himself, his response is "I don't need to eat, I eat when when you eat."

But honestly it's a pretty dumb question now that she's looking back on it. AM has all the knowledge in the world about food, everything ever made, everything he's never tasted. So he's basically asking Her, indirectly, "I don't know where to start or what's good. But you do. I trust you. Feed me."

Now here's some of the meals They've had together (+ AM's comments):

Chicken soup ("Too wet", just ate the broth)

Caesar Salad ("Damp, Crunchy water")

Vanilla ice cream (experienced a brain freeze for the first time, thought his body was malfunctioning)

Spaghetti Bolognese ("No I will not be mixing it, you mix it for me")

Western beef stew (He picked out the potatoes and only ate those. Thought the meat was irritating to eat.)

Baby carrots. ("You know they bleach these, right?")

Asparagus (he likes them. Needs to be warm)

Broccoli (same thing)

Cheese Pizza (Ate it, ate too much. Tummy hurted.)

Tempura (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Fish and chips (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Coffee, black (spat it out)

Macaroni and cheese (Ate too much, tummy hurted)

Grilled chicken hearts skewers (He liked it, but kept poking the roof of his mouth with the skewer.)

Half a Hamburger (picked out the vegetables because he didn't like them, still tasted it and gave the rest to Vernon)

Half a cheeseburger (ate it with no fuss.)

Aaand that'll be all for now :) if you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you need any clarifications, feel free to tell me!

[angstflavoured]

I would love to hear more about your toxic pim and charlie headcanons. All I can think of is Pim might be too desperate to prove something and Charlie has that "alpha male" thing

SO GLAD YOU ASKED !!!! I need to rant about this to clear things up bc I think about how Charpim would work so much and it makes me go insane bc their dynamic is fucking incredible.

Ill take this as an opportunity to do a little character study and explain why i think they would inherently be toxic at their very core 👹👹 and how I think their relationship would even function.

First off, a HUGE roadblock is the fact that they have completely different ideals. They want totally different things in life and go about life almost in completely opposite ways.

Pim's been shown in canon multiple times to want a normal, healthy, nuclear family. He wants a wife and kids and wants to raise them well and be the father figure for them that he himself never had. It's apparent that he wants to settle down, and just hasn't found anyone willing to. When he even talks to Shrimpina, he can't help puking and making a fool of himself and tossing and turning at night over it. This makes it clear that while i do NOT AT ALL think he's a virgin, Pim doesn't have a lot of experience with this kind of stuff. It's probably all been pretty awkward and never lasted very long.

I don't think that him or Charlie have any problems with being gay, but I do think that Pim settling down with a guy does inherently shatter his ideals. ESPECIALLY with the way Charlie acts. Being with Charlie wouldn't be a picture perfect movie couple, and I think that would really frustrate and disappoint Pim when Charlie doesn't act like he's "supposed" to. He wouldn't really be a BOYFRIEND to him. Pim is just a lot more romantic and holds a lot more hope in the idea of love than Charlie does. He's an optimist and Charlie is VERYRYYY much a pessimist.

The way that Charlie goes about relationships is MUCH more laid back and casual. His girlfriend (who IS CONFIRMED to be his girlfriend by Zach himself in the commentary videos, you can find it pretty easy on YouTube) is hardly ever mentioned and doesn't seem to hold much weight to him at all. To me, that whole thing with her being there kind of confirmed that Charlie casually hooks up with people/dates a lot, and doesn't really take it all that seriously. He doesn't have any intentions of settling down or moving in with anyone. Even in the ep where the fucken mustard chick was flirting with him, Charlie didn't seem to give two shits or even get a little flustered. He'd USED to that kind of stuff, where Pim isn't.

It's been a joke multiple times that even for a critter, Pim is perceived as pretty unattractive and weird looking 😭😭 and that's the biggest difference between them I think. Charlie is single BY CHOICE, while Pim is single because he can't get anyone who wants to long term date him.

If Charlie and Pim ever slept together or did anything, I think it would hold a lot more weight for Pim than it would for Charlie. Charlie is a fucking asshole! He doesn't show affection well, he's pretty inconsiderate of other people, he's very slobby and hardly takes care of himself. He wouldn't want to DATE pim the way that Pim would want to date Charlie. Pim would want to do all that mushy stuff that he's seen in movies that he's never been able to try, like holding hands and cuddling and going out to cute dinners.

CHARLIE WOULDN'T WANNA DO THAT! He's VERY CLEARLY SHOWN in canon to not be that kinda guy. He can hardly even think about himself, he doesn't have the time or want to expend the energy thinking about someone else on a daily basis. Just look at the fucking difference in their rooms--

They work at the same job at the same position, they should be making the same amount of money. And from the Brazil episode where they talk about funds, it doesn't seem like its a super lot. But Pim spent more time and money making his room look nice and his sheets and pillows match, somewhere with a nicer view and cute painted walls. Charlie just bought the cheapest, ugliest little shithole he could find.

You can fucking bet that they would not be good living together, that is if Charlie even wanted to live with him. You can literally see in the back that his sink is full of dirty dishes bro. He probably uses paper plates and plastic cups for everything so he doesn't have to do the dishes, you can bet he's always ordering nasty ass takeout food.

Also sorry, but like please open your eyes and look at the way Charlie treats Pim in the show. Obviously he cares about him and holds him as a dear friend, but he just is kinda a shitty person and doesn't do it very well a lot of the time. He's constantly fucking negative and rude, and it clearly takes a mental toll on Pim. Pim's always the one trying really hard to invite Charlie out to things, like in the alien episode. Pim just wants to hang out and tried to find something Charlie might like, and Charlie was grumpy and dismissive and tried to leave multiple times.

In the most RECENT EPISODE, he got in a physical fight with Alan and was being a dick about physical contact that he basically initiated. In the alien episode, Charlie was screaming at the aliens and ignored pim, ended up clocking him in the fucking face and didn't say a single word about it because HE WASN'T SORRY, HE DIDN'T FUCKING CARE.

they're both incredibly flawed people in completely opposite ways, and they'd both want entirely different things out of the other one. They'd both be trying to change each other, the way they literally already do in the show.

i love charpim more than anything with my entire soul, and im not trying to be a doomer about it, im just so sick of people potraying them like

Charlie: I... I like you... is that okay?

Pim: yes.... would it be okay if I kissed you?

LIKE GIRL WHAT ARE YOU SAYINGGGG THEY ARE GROWN ASS, DIRTY, GROSS MEN WITH DICK AND BALLS.

There was a whole episode where pim literally turned into a fucking crazy ass creature because he was so incredibly jealous of Charlie getting what PIM had wanted. Pim wanted to be a hero and help people and save the day and live out his little idealized world, and when CHARLIE got that and he didn't, it pissed him the fuck off. He wasn't happy for Charlie, Pim WANTED what Charlie had.

LIKE OH MY GOD, THEY'RE JUST SO DISFUNCTIONAL!!!

Their relationship would be fucking crazy and rocky and TOXIC, and that's like the whole appeal of it imo. that's literally how they act in canon. I think that the two of them could eventually work things out to be pretty happy, but it would NOT be without its hardships and it definitely would still never be anything even close to textbook.

THEY'RE FUCKING FREAKS IDK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also almost forgot, not even to mention Charlie's substance abuse and how its canonically shown he gets rude and violent. like r u kidding.

[mistyxs]

of deals and denials [two]

pairing: rafe cameron! x fem!kook!reader

warnings: smut (p in v) mdni!!!, fingering, dirty talk?, unprotected sex, swearing, everyone's aged up, not really canon, kinda long,

note: as english is not my first language, please be aware of any spelling, grammar or style errors and feel free to let me know of them. also this is my first time writing smut, so i apologize if it's not good.

A few days have passed since Topper's party— days spent in a whirlwind of worry and mild anxiety, inducing loneliness. However, now it was close to four in the afternoon, and you were lounging on the main deck of the Druthers. Truth be told, you were still worrying, but misery loves company.

You toyed with a string that held your bikini together, and your head rested on Sarah's shoulder. Rafe and Topper were into the discussion on their own, although it seemed like only Topper was talking and Rafe was listening. Meanwhile, Kelce was buttering up the girl he brought in hopes of making things official with her.

"You doin' okay, bub?" Sarah asked, her nails gently raking your upper arm. Sunglasses sat atop her head, and her hair was just the right amount messy from the wind.

You sighed heavily, shutting your eyes for a brief moment. "Yes. No. I don't know." You stressed.

"Is it about college?"

"Yes." You mumbled to yourself, knotting the same string of fabric. "And it will be, until they make up their minds. Or I lose mine."

Sarah chuckled, pulling you tighter into her. Both of her arms enclose your frame. "Well, if anyone's getting in, it's you." She assured you.

You appreciated her effort to comfort you, but because she got her acceptance letter a week ago, you couldn't find it in yourself to take it as a compliment. "I just want to do it without my parents help, y'know?" You explained. Money was an amazing thing, and you were grateful for your parents and their connections everywhere. College was the one thing you wanted to accomplish on your own, and you weren't budging from that decision.

"I know, sweetie, and you will get in on your own. Then, we'll move in together and be roommates until one of us gets married." She fantasized, and you could help but crack a smile. "Now, given the fact you're on my boat, I demand you have fun." Sarah insisted and lightly shook you in the embrace she had for you.

You couldn't help but giggle at her antics. "Fine." You agreed, feigning annoyance, and got out of her hold. "Is Top still giving you a hard time about not going to Florida with him?" You asked, lowering your voice.

Sarah gave you an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, every time we talk about it. Which is every single day." Her face pulled into a grimace at the thought.

"That's tough. And also toxic." You noted, redirecting your look at Topper. He seemed hell-bent on explaining something to Rafe, arms flying in every direction.

What you didn't expect was that Rafe already looking at you, the blue of his eyes piercing into you with new intensity. Sun, still high in the sky, casting a different glow to them as he took you in. For a moment, you looked him directly in the eyes, fire igniting in you.

It was short-lived, though, as the flame was put out the second you looked back at Sarah and her angered stare directed at Topper.

"Yeah, he says he trusts me, but not the guys at Charleston." You stifled a laugh and bit your tongue from making a snarky remark. "Don't even start, please." Sarah whined, and you patted her shoulder gently. She fixed her sunglasses, which were now perched atop her nose, hiding the death stare thrown Topper's way.

"I'm not starting anything." You defended yourself and shook your head in disbelief.

"You're lucky you don't have a boyfriend." Sarah commented.

"Ouch, bitch."

"Oh, please. You've had plenty of offers. Especially after breaking up with Tom."

Sarah was right; guys have offered to take you out ever since you started high school. Those offers subsided a bit when you started dating Tom your junior year of high school, only to break up with him at the end of the year.

"They just weren't fitting in the plot."

Sarah laughed and playfully nudged you. "C'mon, let's go for a dip." She offered you her hand. And you took it without hesitation.

The moment your head entered the water, everything seemed to wash off you. The negative energy, the worrisome thoughts and anything else that plagued your brain. It felt good.

Everything around you was silent and calm, a sharp contrast to the tense atmosphere above the surface. And for a brief moment, you thought about Rafe; his behavior at the party, striking you with confusion.

Get a grip. You thought to yourself and pushed yourself up to the surface.

Unknown to you, Rafe actually had his eyes on you the entire time; since you stepped on the boat. And he couldn't focus on anything else.

He didn't want to think about you; he didn't want to look at you if not necessary—and yet, he couldn't to. It felt like a fog clouding his brain with thoughts and mental images of you. Some were less than appropriate, and he felt guilt eating him alive.

You were a number of things, but one thing he was certain about was that you were too good for him. And as much as he changed and worked on himself, he had a long way ahead of him.

Just as much as he wanted to let go of his delusional thoughts about you, he was clinging to them just as much. At the possibility of experiencing the entire you—mentally, emotionally and physically. In his mind, just a week ago, you were a careless and carefree teenager, and now you are a woman, still a bit out of touch but working to make something of yourself by yourself.

He would be dammed if the fact that you were so stubborn and driven wasn't just a bit attractive.

Now, you stood in front of him, and he was suddenly hard of hearing and pulled out of reality. Droplets of water slide down your skin easily, one slipping down from your neck and between your breasts. Your bikini wasn't too revealing, and yet he felt like he could see everything.

The very tips of his ears reddened, and his throat was dry, the wind suddenly knocked out of him. He was trying to grasp his wandering thoughts and remember if he had ever felt like this before.

He hadn't.

That night, you couldn't sleep despite the light rocking of the boat. You tossed and turned in the bed, sheets clinging to your legs. The AC was on full blast, and yet you felt hot all over, wishing you could peel off your skin just to get some sleep.

After some time you got out of bed and climbed your way up to the main deck. An array of pillows lied ruffled on the kitchen bench, where Rafe slept, and yet there was no sight of him.

Topper and Sarah shared one room, and Kelce and his girlfriend were in the other. Before you even objected, Rafe offered or rather insisted that you take the bed.

He stood on the deck, a graphic tee fitting him just right, as you could make out the muscles of his back through it. With arms leaned on the metal railing, he stared right ahead. Small waves crashed into the side of the boat, and the sky was littered with stars, moonlight casting a shimmer to the ruffled surface of the water.

You approached him slowly, so as not to startle him and took your place beside him. "Told you, should have taken the bed." You joked and looked at the distant shore.

He didn't offer any reaction, lips pursed as he stared straight ahead. "Yeah." The air was tense between you.

You swallowed thickly at the uncomfortable silence. "So, uh…" You trailed off. "About the other night. Didn't get a chance to say thanks. Thanks." You rambled on, trying to drown out the sound of silence. It was deafening.

Rafe chuckled for a second, almost as if he was mocking you. "No need for it." He brushed you off before once again gaining the stoic expression his face always held.

"Are you doing all right?" You asked, now looking up at him. His jaw was tense, look set on anything but you.

He took a deep breath, his fingers curling around the cold metal as he gripped it, knuckles turning white. His eyes were close as he tried to ground himself. It took every fiber in his body not to spill it all. The confusion, the emotions and internal battle he led with himself.

"Yeah." He mustered barely, word first tangled around his tongue and then clinging to his teeth before he spit it out.

You didn't buy it, and even he could tell, by the suspicious look you had on your face. "Oh well, whenever you to talk, I'm here." You offered.

Internally, you cringed at the lack of self-control. It was an impulsive response, and you knew he'd never really do it.

"Thanks." He mumbled and finally managed to look at you. Frozen in your place, you could feel fire igniting in the pit of your stomach again. Was it the fact he was towering over you, or the look he was giving you? "Got a question for you, though." He shifted on his foot, leaning closer to you.

"I'm all ears."

"When you talked to Sarah earlier..."He began, his eyes searching yours for any discomfort, and when he found none, he continued.

"Fuck, you heard that?" You asked, mentally cursing yourself.

"Oh, yeah. Right about when you started shit talking Top." He explained, and you laughed, smile lines framing your cheeks. He couldn't get enough of it.

"Okay, you got me there."

"Yeah. About that, why don't you have a boyfriend?"

Embarrassment took over you, from both the question and the intensity of his gaze. You felt like thousands of reflectors were pointed at you. "I don't want one. Not right now, at least." You replied, waiting for a reaction—a dumb habit you had. Like, your next words depended on the feedback. Even when expressing your emotions. "I wanna go to college. Be free for the first time in my life. Just do it on my own; get a degree, hang out with friends, and enjoy it. Without anyone's expectations but my own."

It was silent after that, again, for a solid minute, and you felt like you said too much. Like he wanted a simple answer.

In Rafe's mind, gears turned rapidly as he chewed on each word you said. His chest was calmly rising and falling, a vast difference to the chaos going on his mind.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go back to bed after this vomit of words." You declared, taking a step backwards. You were about to bid him a good night and head inside when his hand locked around your wrist.

Furthermore, you were convinced your entire being was set on fire by his touch alone.

Your eyes looked up at his again, and as much as you wanted to shy away from his gaze, you also got off on it. It felt like only you existed in this very moment. Not only was your skin on fire, so was your soul.

Something primal awakened in you, almost feral, as you looped your free arm around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Your palm rested on his cheek as your lips pressed against his, eyes closing.

Rafe didn't kiss you back, though, so you pulled away from him. "Sorry I‐" You began as he looked down at you, chest heaving.

Before you could stutter out another apology and wish the ground could swallow you up whole, Rafe pulled you in for a kiss.

This one was more passionate, and despite you initiating the first attempt, his actions still caught you off guard. You let him pull you in closer, his arm coming to rest on the small of your back while the other one rested atop your throat. His thumb and index finger pressed gently right underneath your jaw, but he wasn't applying any pressure.

You let him lead the kiss; his lips would devour you whole if they could. He was kissing you with such passion and a hint of urgency, like you'd slip away from him. His lips were soft, applying just the right amount of pressure. Any shyness that may have sparked up in you, long gone.

Your hands roamed down his back, nails raking off the soft fabric of his shirt. He moaned softly into your mouth, and his hands moved down to your ass.

"Jump." He managed to mumble. You didn't hesitate to do so, jumping and locking your legs around his waist. His large palms supported your weight with a breeze as he carried you backwards to the plush cushions.

He stumbled backwards and took a seat, pulling you down with him. Your legs rest on each side of his, arms locked behind his neck as you straddle him. Rafe's lips moved lower, kissing your chin and then your neck. He was kissing you roughly, yet he was careful enough not to leave any marks.

He first planted a few kisses on your neck, opening his eyes to look at you—eyes closed as you tried not to moan. Shifting his focus back on your neck, he slowly sank his teeth in and sucked on the skin briefly. This time, you moaned loudly. Your nails were digging into the soft flesh of his back. He soothed the bite with a soft lick.

And then he pulled away, his arms still locked behind you as he held you. "Do you really want this?" He asked, looking up at you, and fuck, if it wasn't a sight for sore eyes. Pupils dilated with passion and lust, lips swollen and red from the intensity of the kiss.

You just nodded at him, trying not to show the desperation. Rafe, however, wasn't content with that. "Words. Use them." He encouraged, refraining from moving forward.

"Yes, I really want it." You all but whined, shifting yourself to be closer to him so he could continue to kiss you or touch you.

His eyes searched yours again, looking for any hesitation or hostility, but there was nothing of that sort there. And he resumed to kiss you, lips parting in the way that allowed him to slip his tongue into your mouth.

Meanwhile, you fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, your nails occasionally grazing the hard muscles of his back and soft skin. You were eager to get him as close as possible and to feel his skin on yours.

"Off with this, please." You begged, inching the fabric up his torso. He pulled the shirt off and threw it away somewhere. In all his glory and bare chest, Rafe sat underneath you. It wasn't like you haven't seen him shirtless before, but now was your opportunity to feel him.

Rafe's lips moved lower, kissing your collarbone, and his nose nudged the straps of your tank top off your shoulders. He left kisses in his wake, only getting spurred on further when a moan left your lips. You had to be quiet; he knew that very well, but the fact he was making you feel good without actually doing anything was a metaphorical pat on the back.

He didn't beg or ask you to take your top off; he just did it, material falling down to the wooden floor. Your upper half was bare in front of him, and you once again felt that shyness, your face coming to rest in the crook of his neck.

"Don't do that." He said it almost sternly. "Nothing to hide." He added, hand coming to peel you off of his neck.

He leaned down, leaving a trail of kisses from your neck down to the skin of your breasts. Attentive—that was the word you'd describe him with right now. Mouth locked around one nipple, sucking gently while he massaged your other breast. It felt really good—so good that you felt your wetness seep down to your underwear.

Hornier by the minute, you started grinding on him, hips rocking back and forth gently. A guttural moan escaped out of Rafe's mouth, vibrations urging you to buck into him. His hands rested back on your ass, grabbing a fistful of the flesh as he urged you to roll your hips at the pace he wanted to.

"Fuck." He mumbled. "Want you. So bad."

His hand slipped between the two of you, into the waistband of your sleeping shorts and your underwear. You were wet and warm as his finger smeared the wetness around. From your clit to your seeping hole and thrust one finger in you.

"Oh, fuck." You cursed, leaning forward to rest your forehead on his shoulder as he slowly started to pump his finger in and out of you. You were fighting moans that bubbled in your throat. Nails clawed at the back of Rafe's neck, neatly buzzed, pricking at your fingertips.

His lips found yours again, gliding against your own as his finger entered you all the way to his knuckle. The pace at which he fingered you was speeding up, his thumb finding your clit. He pressed on it, eliciting a moan out of you, before rubbing it in lazy circles.

"You're gripping my finger so tight." He whispered, feeling your pulsating walls as you were nearing your climax.

"Mhm." You mumbled and, without realizing it, started bouncing yourself on his finger, setting an even faster pace.

You were eager for a release, and with the way his finger stretched you out, you were wondering what else was to come. His thumb now drew harsher circles on your clit, and he inserted another finger inside of you.

"Shit, I'm close." You mumbled, head thrown back, as you looked up at the starry sky. Another few thrusts of his fingers, and you were a goner. The coil that formed in your stomach finally snapped, and you came with a broken whimper.

"There you go; ride it out." He coaxed you through it as your chest rose and fell rapidly. His fingers were still moving inside of you, just much slower than before. "Take it easy for me, yeah?" The softness of his voice easing you through your climax.

Your walls quivered around nothing as he slowly pulled out his fingers, and you whined at the loss of contact. He smiled at you, seeing the way your skin was covered in a sheer coat of sweat and how you seemed to slowly regain your senses. " 'm good." You assured him.

Still seated on his lap, you felt the hardness that formed in his shorts. You slowly ground against him, hips rolling back and forth. "Shit." Rafe rasped as you continued your movements against him. "I wanna be inside of you."

You took it as an invitation to shed yourself off the remaining clothes and stood naked before him. He took you in, under the bright moonlight, to see the shape of your hips and swell of your breasts. "Sweetheart, you're-" He began, but you shushed him, not really good at handling compliments. You sank on your knees before him, fumbling with the strings of his shorts as you undid the knot.

He raised his hips to help you slide them off him, and you threw them aside. His cock stood tall and proud before you, and your eyes widened in shock as you stared up at him.

"That's not going to fit." You declared, and it elicited a chuckle from Rafe who grabbed you by your elbows and pulled you back on his lap.

"It will." He assured you, pulling you in for a chaste kiss. "You set the pace." He added, pulling his head away.

You nodded and looked down, taking him in your hand and giving him a few slow strokes. Rafe let out a quiet moan as your hand glided over the entirety of him. Once you felt brave enough, you lifted your hips slightly and angled him at your entrance.

Only his tip was inside of you, and the stretch was painful, so you stopped there. Rafe kissed your neck the entire time, hands resting on your hips as he held you in place, only moving when you felt comfortable.

Once the initial pain subsided, you took him about halfway, and it already felt like all the air was knocked out of you. Both of you moaned at the feeling, your warmth and wetness enveloping him. The stretch was more bearable this time, and you took him in all the way, sinking down to the base.

"Shit, sweetheart, you feel so good." Rafe mumbled, peppering kisses on your shoulder as you got adjusted to having him fully inside of you.

You lifted off him just a bit and sank back down, getting used to the way he was stretching you out. Slowly, you started to bounce on him, hands resting on his shoulders for support. You whined the first time he hit a spot inside of you, something that didn't happen before.

"Feels so good." You moaned, bouncing on him quickly now, taking him nearly all the way out before sinking back down. Rafe's head fell backwards as your heat kept swallowing his dick whole.

Rafes hands guided you up and down once you felt your thighs burning. He would lift you up and slam back down while thrusting his hips upwards—the pace at which he was doing it was brutal. Your whines and moans were muffled as you kissed and bit his shoulder. You weren't going to last if he kept it up like this.

" 'm close." You whimpered, clinging to him for dear life.

"Me too, sweetheart." He spoke against the shell of your ear, sending goosebumps down your arms and legs.

With a few deep thrusts, he was sending you over the edge, you cried into his shoulder as pleasure enveloped you entirely. Your nails raked down his back, leaving red marks in their wake.

"Fuck, you're squeezing me so good." He mumbled and thrust up once more before his eyes screwed shut, his mouth falling agape. He filled you in long spurts, letting out a long moan. And you could come again, just watching him with pleasure.

It took you both a few minutes to catch your breath; he was still sheathed inside of you, softening a bit. "You doing all right, sweetheart?" He asked once he was back to reality.

You were spent, and your thighs were burning in the most delicious way. You were ready for bed suddenly.

"Yeah, I'm just worn out." You said.

Lifting your hips up, you winced as he slipped out of you. A bit of his cum slipped out of you, a droplet of white liquid trickling down your thigh. Fortunately, you were on birth control.

Your legs were still a bit wobbly, and you nearly fell trying to collect your clothes. "Why are you rushing?" Rafe asked, reaching for your clothes and handing them to you.

"Thanks." You said, slipping back into your pajamas. "To bed." You added pulling the strap of your tank top. "Also, given it's a one time thing, I probably shouldn't stick around."

Rafe pulled his shorts up and looked at you, almost disappointed. "Who said it was a one time thing?"

"Well, I thought you-" You began, but he cut you off.

"Do you want it to be a one time thing?" He asked in a casual manner.

Inside, though, Rafe was everything but casual. One part of him was screaming about how hooking up in the first place was a bad idea and how he just started getting along with his sister. The other part of him, both primal and domestic, was telling him to openly offer you everything he had—himself physically and the emotional shell he came with.

You thought about it; Rafe didn't date, and you knew that very well, and to be fair, you also weren't keen on being tied down. Especially now at such a large turning point in your life. And Rafe was attractive and not a total stranger; you could get behind that. Also, that teenage crush you harbored on him from ages 14 to 16 slowly creeped back in through the cracks. Then again, he was your best friend's brother, and morally speaking, it was wrong on so many levels.

"No." You responded simply. "I liked it." You added, watching him pull his shirt back on. "But, given your reputation, you don't want a relationship, and to be honest, neither do I."

Rafe was stunned; for the first time, he didn't have to explain that attachment wasn't his thing. You were setting the ground rules for him to follow—a refreshment in his life. While the girls he used to sleep with would agree to his rules, after a while they would expect something he couldn't offer them.

"Okay, yeah. Makes sense." He agreed, shaking his head in approval. "How would it work, though? Given the fact that you spend most of your time with my sist—"

"We won't tell anybody about this. No one. And especially not Sarah. As a matter of fact, don't bring her into the conversation ever."

Rafe only smiled at your bossiness. "All right. This is like a friends with benefits thing, yeah?"

"Yes, except I don't think we fall into the friendship category." You explained, hands resting on your hips.

A flash of offense crossed Rafe's face when you spoke. He knew you were in the right, despite being in the same circle. "We could become friends while also sleeping together?" He proposed, scratching the top of his head.

You lifted your hand, a bracelet made out of strings of various colors was tied around your wrist. "You're telling me you want one of these?"

A friendship bracelet, he recognized it immediately, mostly because Sarah wore the same one. "Fuck no." He did—maybe not literally, but he did wish to have a bond like you and Sarah did. "Maybe we could occasionally do something together, just the two of us?"

"Wouldn't that be considered a date?"

"Not if you're not intending to date in the first place."

"It's not a terrible idea." You agreed, although it could get messy. How do you explain to people that the two of you were hanging out together, alone.

"Any other rules?"

"No cuddling at any point. No kissing unless we're having sex. You can stay over, but no pillow talk. And please, if you start to screw somebody else, tell me."

"Shit, okay. It's like you were thinking about this before." He teased you, not the first nor the last time.

"Deal?" You offered him a hand to shake, but surprisingly, it wasn't trembling.

Rafe took your hand into his and shook it lightly. "Deal."

[clotpolesonly]

okay so i've been seeing some love for the show's latino!Gansey and i just gotta say, i can't relate aldfkjgh

no shade, i get that we're all desperate for minority rep, and it's really nice to get a latino character that breaks so many stereotypes (wealthy, universally respected, an academic, beloved by literally everyone but without being unduly sexualized, etc etc)

HOWEVER

i feel like people think Gansey as he's written in the books is a blank slate that they can project onto and racebending him won't/shouldn't/didn't change anything about him, but honestly i think that's a bit of lowkey racist take in and of itself? in a way?? in the sense that it plays into the white supremacist idea of whiteness being the default (aka nothing) instead of being its own something with identifiable characteristics.

book!Gansey does have a cultural identity and very strong cultural influences that play a crucial role in his characterization, and that cultural identity is WASP

(the irony is not lost on me alkdfjgh)

White Anglo Saxon Protestants, essentially the "ruling class" of the US for centuries, The Establishment™, etc. they're known primarily for being wealthy, snobbish, and repressed. they're the kind of people who like to think they're Good People but are soooo concerned with image and reputation that they'd rather perpetuate harm than admit they were ever responsible for it.

Mrs Gansey guilt tripping her son for missing her fundraiser instead of, ya know, being worried that he's not responding to any of her texts?

Gansey literally fleeing the country as a PRETEEN because his ptsd made him messy and embarrassing for the family?

his very first thought upon being fatally stung by hundreds of hornets being that he was going to interrupt and ruin the party?

that entire family luncheon where Gansey is constantly on red alert, searching for passive aggression in every single comment (and finding it), reading into every word for What They're Actually Saying Without Really Saying?

that is so WASP it should be in the dictionary next to the term!!! being presentable is more important than communicating directly, at all times, and the protestant roots mean that Suffering In Silence is a VIRTUE. it's a sin to need things and a double sin to ask for them. god forbid you impose upon another person, it's contractually required that you suffer quietly for a respectable amount of time while you drop the subtlest of hints in the direction of whoever you want help from in the hopes that they will do the good respectable charitable christian thing and offer you that help out of the goodness of their hearts, and if they don't, then you suffer some more and also nurse a lifelong grudge against them in the most passive aggressive unspoken festering way possible.

being raised in that culture informs everything about Gansey's personality and how he interacts with other people and forms relationships.

and it also informs Gansey's relationship with his wealth and his position!! Gansey's class guilt is like half of his character arc!!! and we can't pretend that class and race aren't tied together, okay, we can't get away with pretending that race doesn't play a part in people's place in society. for the Ganseys to be old money like they are, and old virginian money at that, to make them anything other than white introduces a whole HOST of complications that, frankly, the show is not engaging with.

the showrunners have made so much noise about diversifying the cast since the books were so white, and they're reeeeaaally patting themselves on the back for this, but it doesn't feel like they put any THOUGHT into how this change would actually affect the characterization!!!!

do they think that a latino in the upper echelons of the (white) (republican) virginian old money social scene wouldn't have a different experience? a different relationship with their money, and with their own heritage, and with other pocs?? that it wouldn't affect and complicate Gansey's relationship with Blue, especially with how much stronger they've leaned into Blue's connection with her cultural heritage and her political activism and how vocal she's been about intersectionality as a poor non-christian mixed race Black woman in appalachia.

Gansey is a latino man who can't speak spanish living in a mansion on a former slave plantation and Blue doesn't have anything to say about that?? Gansey doesn't have any extra layer of guilt or shame about his disconnect from his own culture?? Gansey is so full of guilt and insecurity about so many things, but there's been NO indication so far of how his race intersects with that.

for them to make this kind of huge change, i would've needed to see them really commit to it and show me that they understand the sociological implications of this decision. and they haven't done that. i know we've only gotten season 1, and hey, maybe i'm wrong and there'll be an arc about it somewhere in season 2, but so far i'm wholly disappointed. it really feels like they slipped it in there just to say that they had and then functionally ignored it aside from that one spanish-speaking scene.

what was the POINT except to pat themselves on the back??

[allmyocsarebritish]

Taking flight

Pairing: Adam X Reader

Warnings(?): Adam being Adam, teeny tiny mention of blood but it's barely there

For @rock-babe

Word count: 1.3k

~

Waking up for the first time after your death surrounded by paths of pure gold was entirely surreal, overwhelming you with joy at the prospect of eternity inside the pearly gates. You had made it. A winner, in Heaven.

The set of pure white wings that had sprouted from your back, resembling that of a dove's, took a while to grow accustomed to. Even after a whole month spent above Earth, you still couldn't actually fly. All other angels made it seem so elegant and effortless, yet somehow it never worked like that for you. Emily was quick to assure you that all you needed was time and practice, but that didn't stop your frustration at not being able to soar freely like the other residents of Heaven.

This meant that you dedicated at least a few hours a day to flight practice. This was always in relative privacy, of course, as, although you were somewhat getting the hang of things, progress was slow. Currently, you were attempting take off in a quiet alleyway, the occasional winner passing by yet paying you no mind. You were grateful for this.

Taking a deep breath, you stretched out your angelic wings once more, beginning to flap in order to get a feel for the wind between your feathers. Gaining momentum, your feet began to hover as you supported your whole weight on them. Swift movements increased in both speed and size as you began to rise. It was working!

Unfortunately, the moment of triumph was short lived, as you promptly lost your balance, landing in a disgruntled heap on the golden, shiny floor.

"Wow, you're really shit at this." Came a voice from behind. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment at being caught. Turning, curious as to who had been watching you, you were met with a tall angel sat up on a small wall, clothed in a predominantly white robe. His face was covered by a deep black mask with two long horns, giving an overall intimidating appearance and a demonic silhouette. How strange.

Your eyes narrowed. "That's a bit rude, isn't it?"

The stranger scoffed, rolling his eyes. "No, it's true."

"Who even are you, anyway?" You asked, a question which seemed to strike a nerve within the angel. He immediately bristled, before the defensiveness quickly turned to arrogance.

"The name's Adam. Like, you know, the first man." He spoke with an air of superiority, which you now somewhat understood, given his abundant fame. "You new here or something?"

"Can't you tell?" You sniped back, though he failed to notice the irritance in your tone.

"Well, yeah. Clearly you must be if you don't know me, babe. Plus the whole.. flying thing." He gestured towards the tiny dotted beads of golden blood on your forehead springing from a small cut you must have received in the tumble. "You might need a bit of practice."

"Wow, thanks, I didn't notice." You rolled your eyes, wiping the small amount of blood on your sleeve. "Fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

"Alright, alright, keep your wings on!" Adam laughed at you as you folded your arms.

How long did it take you to learn then, smartass?" You asked.

"Uh, it didn't. I could do it straight away." Yeah, you walked right into that one. "It's easy, really. Look, I'll even show you."

Kicking off the wall, the angel gracefully flapped, wings stretched. The bright lights of Heaven accentuated the gold undertones in his feathers. You hated to acknowledge how impressive it was as he soared back down to stand before you.

"Literally just do it like that. It's not hard."

"Sure it isn't." You mumbled, growing even more frustrated.

"Listen, if you want I suppose I can help you. Because, you know, you might need it." It was rather difficult, but you managed to resist the urge to bite back.

"And how would you do that?"

"Come here." He beckoned you over, to which you took a step forwards, visibly confused.

"Closer." You took another step. Apparently it wasn't close enough however, as he stared at you before quite literally grabbing you and pulling you into him. Flustered at the sudden advance, your face heatened (top tier English there Jess wow).

"Now I'll support you, all you need to worry about is concentrating on flapping and getting a feel for proper balance."

Concentrating was easier said than done.

"You ready?" Adam asked, not waiting for an answer before taking off. It took a minute to comprehend what was happening: you had never gone so high so fast before. But once the realisation of the situation kicked in, you immediately began to violently beat your wings, causing him to laugh at you.

"Chill, seriously."

"Sorry." You slowed down slightly, relaxing into Adam's hold as you began to balance mid-air. The lack of stress and tension actually helped significantly, and you found yourself sinking into a rhythm. Though you'd never inflate his ego, Adam was right about this.

Distracted by your newfound ability, you didn't notice that, once he was confident you were capable, Adam began to gradually lessen his grip before letting go of you completely. In fact, you only realised you were flying solo when Adam soared ahead of you, both hands visibly empty.

"Seeeeee? Told you it was easy!" He smirked, though you were too overjoyed to care about his boasting. "Do you want me to help you turn back? It's a little harder than a straight line."

You weren't completely sure if that was true, nor were you sure why you agreed so enthusiastically, but before you knew it he was holding you again, 'strangely' enough waiting a little longer before letting go this time.

All in all, your impromptu flying lesson was over far too soon. As much as you desperately wanted to believe the joy you felt was solely due to your newfound capability, you knew it wasn't really, a fact that frustrated you and made you smile fondly simultaneously.

"Ready to land?" He asked, once again not letting you actually answer before chiming in with a response to 'you'. "Great, wait there one second." Adam's landing was just as graceful as his take off, and once his feet hit the floor, he was immediately beckoning you to join him on the ground. Desperately trying to move as smoothly as him, you slowly flapped, fully keeping your balance. Until you didn't. Desperately failing, you braced for the impact of plummeting to the ground, closing your eyes. Expecting severe pain, you were pleasantly surprised when, instead of hard pavement, you were caught by a familiar pair of strong arms.

"Gotcha. Really gotta work on that landing, babe. Don't wanna crash and ruin that face of yours."

"Oh yeah? Is that what you did? Is that why you're wearing a mask.?" You teased, to which he scoffed. Adam let you down, grabbing his strange disguise.

"Yeah right, you wish." He pulled it off, revealing his face. You weren't going to inflate his ego. You weren't going to inflate his ego. You weren't going to-

"See something you like?" He smirked, and your cheeks flushed upon the realisation you were staring as you quickly looked down.

"No."

"Mhm. Of course not." Adam drew closer to you, and you didn't back away. His hand came to rest on your face, lifting your head up and returning your gaze to him. He leaned in further, and your heartrate started to quicken. This was wrong. Well, was it? Maybe. Probably not. It was fine. You closed the distance, confidence growing as his free hand came to rest on your back. Your own arms wrapped around his neck, subconsciously pulling him closer.

"Same time tomorrow?" He whispered against your lips.

"Yeah. Same time."

[donnerpartyofone]

One of the only jobs I could vaguely qualify for that I didn't apply for today was a sales associate thing at Urban Outfitters. I don't think you can work a sales job at Urban Outfitters if you are over 25, I mean legally they can't discriminate but also legally they could just hire someone more appropriate. Plus my friend used to do that job and he said there was an enormous amount of pressure to party with the other employees and hook up and because he didn't want to do that he was basically treated like a cop or something. Maybe it's not like that at all locations but it sure made sense to me when he told it.

Job 2/3 that I didn't apply for was part time dishwasher at Wegmans. I don't have any relevant experience but they could be desperate enough to talk to me. I might still apply but the thing that stopped me was I could instantly see myself breaking every dish in the building. I'm such a clumsy piece of shit and the sad thing is that this is a major reason I don't do a lot of volunteer charity stuff, I'm so bad at basic physical tasks I could easily ruin everything and I'd hate to ruin something important. It's fucked up but this is why I wish I were rich, because my personal actions are so disastrous and destructive, but it would be great if I could just make sure the right people got money. Anyway I know it looks insane when my last job titles were things like "program manager" and "branch director" and I'm begging e.g. a supermarket to let me wash their dishes, but if no one else will even email me back for XX years then this is obviously my destiny.

Job 3/3 that I didn't apply for was a data entry thing for a bridal company that sounded pretty busy. I could do that and data entry is probably my main talent, but when I saw that listing I knew it was really over, that I would have to give up the things I do once a month or so that relate to my passions in life. I'll have to tell my colleague I can't host events anymore and I'll have to take back my offer to help at the film festival, etc. And let's be real, the point of my life is not my passions, the point of my life is paying rent. This is literally true and it is not up for debate. I just couldn't bring myself to make such a concrete expression of that truth today, but I will probably suck it up and apply for the job tomorrow. My interests will never make money and if I can't do them late at night or something then I just have to quit them, that's how life works. Just because that sounds kind of sad doesn't mean that it's important.

[godsfavoritescientist]

Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.

I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.

Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?

How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"

And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.

So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.

So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.

And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.

-

And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.

Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.

And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.

So you sail away in a boat together.

And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.

But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.

But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.

You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.

And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-

-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.

You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.

-

And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.

It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.

And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.

[ljussangen]

I have decided that I am just going to be positive and strong. Sure, there are always obstacles and negativity in life, but there are also many, many blessings. The trees, the plants, animals, nature, waterfalls, lakes, the sky, the sun, my man and our son, love, smiles, friendly encounters, tasty food to cook and eat, beautiful things to see and touch and smell and hold.

Despite my traumatic past and long history of depression, I am making this choice. I will make it every day as long as I live, even if it is difficult to do so, for letting heartache and trauma and pain and sadness decide for me is not how I want to live. There are so, so many blessings and beautiful things in life. You just have to look for them, and stop letting other things make the choice for you.

[neon-glowing-rainbow-stims]

Posts here will likely be on hiatus for a couple weeks as I finish up the semester <3 I'll be back soon enough!

[tantamounttoflirtation]

If they announce a s4 I genuinely might have to log tf off. I don't even want to see what sort of dumpster fire it would be. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but I don't see much hope for it being good or worthwhile. I'm going to rant in the tags so if you disagree with my opinion thats cool you can just ignore me and continue scrolling :)

[running-in-the-dark]

I think I mentioned that I was looking into getting a better sewing machine? well, it arrived today 🙈 that happened much faster than planned. I found the model I was looking at at a (relatively) local sewing machine store, for 30% off because it had been in the shop window, so the plastic has yellowed.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that (the website only said it was a floor model or something similar, then someone from the store called and told me the specifics and asked if that was still okay), but honestly? I never ever would have paid the full price, it was just too much, I couldn't justify that. but this reduced price was only a little more than the ones I had been looking at before (that were not great quality and probably wouldn't last very long).

I am very particular about things like this but I'm trying to make myself accept that it really is not that bad. it actually looks kinda cool. I just have to get my brain to accept that it's not a flaw, it's just a completely superficial and insignificant thing that doesn't affect its function at all. it's good that this machine that works perfectly won't end up in a landfill just because it doesn't look brand new.

I only got to try it a little bit today because I wasn't feeling well but damn, the difference to my old machine is huge!! it's so much more fun and easy to use - I love having the needle threader and that it can automatically cut the yarn when you're done. and with the start/stop button it's actually really fun to wind bobbins!! I always hated that on my old machine.

I skimmed through the manual earlier (and put page markers in it so that I can easily find anything later) - it did seem somewhat overwhelming at first. I've never used or even seen (irl) a computerised sewing machine, so of course it did! but it already felt much more familiar after just using it a little bit today. I love it 🥰

(also, I think the fact that it doesn't look perfect and brand new actually helps - I'm not afraid to use it in case I 'ruin' it!)

[musical-chick-13]

3 and 5 for the fandom asks please!! 🥰

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom this year? Which one?

Several things on the Giant WIP List are for fandoms I've never posted fic for! (Like, for example, Noir (2001) or Chainsaw Man or DN or obscure Dutch opera Sunken Garden.) But being WIPs, I guess this would mean that I have still, technically, already written something for those fandoms. So if we're talking about "Do I anticipate starting anything brand new this year for a new fandom," then for my own sanity I think the answer is going to be "no." (Though I did write a completely unrelated Christmas fic in like. Three days at the end of last year, so...never say never..........)

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (<-not laughing at you, this is the sound of me crying).

Okay. So anyone who has been following me for the past like. Few months at least. May have heard me talk about something I keep calling "The Fic That's A Lot." This is the first thing on the WIP list I'm trying to complete because I've been trying to do that for the past... actually I don't want to look at how long I've been working on it, we're going to move on.

Those who have borne witness to the saga of me trying to finish this will know just how much of. A Challenge. This has been for me. It's, ultimately, a character study of 11 and River (and, by extension, their relationship) that takes place after they're already married, but it is the most...unconventional, we'll say, thing I've ever written. I don't want to elaborate too much, just because the premise itself is full of some very specific trigger warnings (MUCH more so than my usual fare of things like intense grief or discussing the particulars of intrusive thoughts). But the closest thing I can reasonably give to a summary (which...I know you already know this because I've been screaming to you about it for the past God-knows-how-long) is that River breaks her ankle, and from there spirals a series of events that make her husband go, "Sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me" and her go, "Yeah, this has definitely awakened something in me." Lmao, let me see if I can find a passage of this that a) I haven't already posted and b) isn't completely deranged.

The sound of the chamber orchestra tuning their instruments shakes her out of her musings, and she remembers something that’s been prodding at her brain since she realized what was on the live feed. “How are you accessing this footage? I thought the workshop was a closed event. Airtight security.” His only response is to smirk, eyebrows darting slyly up and down. Which can only mean he’s done something very difficult, very clever, and-given his lack of elaboration on the subject-probably illegal. That last one sparks a wicked sort of thrill in her, one she’ll have to fully unpack later. “And they say I’m the bad influence.” His face snaps into something oddly serious, like this inconsequential piece of banter is an affront to something. (Affront to what, she has no idea.) “You’re not,” he says.

new year fanfic asks

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 8: !!NOTE: this is different from the past polls - rather than choosing a story action, you're picking supplies to craft a little makeshift boat (EX: wood will be the main platform, so there should likely be the most of it, however, if there were 100% votes for branches and 0% votes for rope, then it'd just be a pile of wood held together by nothing - keep them balanced reasonably, etc.))

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should get around the barrier by crafting a little boat to take a river detour….

~

Finally crawling out of his hiding spot in the brambles, he meticulously brushes the leaves from his clothes and composes himself, now fully focused on his generic traveler's map of the area... After checking it about 500 times just to make sure he isn't confused, he determines that going down the nearby river would likely still get him where he's trying to go, and hopefully be much less treacherous than wandering through haunted forests or confronting the stern gaze of the barrier guards..

It only takes about 10 minutes of following a narrower rocky path off the main road to reach a nice shaded spot of land next to a small river. He kneels in the grass, eagerly rummaging through his backpack for supplies, in addition to whatever he can scavenge from the edge of the woods. The rush of excitement slowly dissipates however, once he realizes that he.. actually.. might not know how to make a raft as well as he thought... Surely it's quite straightforward, no? Just.. make it look like it does in picture books?? There are no rules, as long as it floats, it works! Probably anyone could build one on intuition alone! ... maybe...???

.. Once again sinking into a cloud of anxiety, he slumps over, staring at the pile of materials with teary eyes, doubtful what to even do next.... How should he build the raft? Help him by using the poll to choose the appropriate amounts of materials (determined by final % of votes in that category)!