#the best episode of dynamite ever

[gutwrenchflowerbomb]

TRENT MOTHERFUCKIN QUESTION MARK BERETTA IN THIS BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[girl4music]

Happy 29th anniversary to the pilot episode of XENA.

Original air date: September 4th, 1995.

Directed by Doug Lefler. Written by Robert Tapert.

Lead starring Lucy Lawless as Xena.

and Renee O’Connor as Gabrielle.

I will watch and write meta about other TV shows.

I will watch and write meta about other TV ships.

But nothing I watch or write meta about in this world will ever come close to matching my fan passion and loyalty to the TV show ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ and the TV ship Xena and Gabrielle. They are my one true love.

What ‘Sins Of The Past’ does once you’ve seen the whole TV show and watch the episode back over is it shows you how intertwined these soulmates already are as the event of them meeting saves their lives and once you are aware of the wheres and whys of this - the show itself completely changes into something more valuable than you initially saw and understood. I recommend people go back and watch it and only view it as a love story from the very beginning because the way it hits you when you do is just mind-blowing.

They set up a beautifully complex and layered WLW love story between Xena and Gabrielle without really realizing that that’s what they were doing because it’s such a very natural and authentic queer storytelling of two strangers that find home in the soul of each other.

"There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met” is a lyric in a song written by Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher from ‘The Muppets Movie’. Writer and co-executive producer, who wrote many of the most formative episodes of ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, Steven L. Sears affectionately ascribes that lyric to Xena and Gabrielle because he believes it perfectly describes the incredible soulmate connection that the two main characters share right from the very beginning of the TV show. And I would have to say that I agree with him on that because no matter what alternative Universe, Uber timeline, reincarnated lifetime or afterlife it is, they meet each other and they develop an attraction to and affinity for each other that seemingly goes way beyond basic friendship and romance and they have a dynamic that is so strong, so substantial and so damn profound that the studio gave up on censoring them. It’s a dynamite chemistry that can be felt so viscerally that you can watch the episodes countless times over and still pick up on fresh new things about the way these two characters are with one another and how they balance and complement each other so perfectly that they’re basically the human representation of yin and yang. And you can read my Xena and Gabrielle: Character study thesis to learn what I mean by that.

Their relationship is incredibly well-written in that it’s so carefully and conscientiously slow-burned and evolved from friends into lovers that it will make it impossible not to ship them together. Believe me - even if you’ve seen Xena before, you haven’t seen it like this. You haven’t seen it as a WLW love story from the beginning to the end. But once you do, you will be attached to it in ways that will make you just like me.

That is… Lifelong dedicated to and enamoured with it.

This is a TV show that finished airing in the year 2001 but it’s been my everything since I first discovered it at 5 years old just flicking through the UK channels bored out of my mind or so my parents have told me.

I cannot even begin to imagine of who I’d be without this TV show and TV ship in my life and I know no other will ever come close to it or them for me for the rest of my life. So all day today I am spending my time celebrating not just the TV show’s anniversary of its pilot episode but also Xena and Gabrielle’s anniversary of meeting and becoming the greatest love story ever told in TV art/entertainment history. They’re iconic and legendary in the LGBTQ community for a reason. That reason is that they’re the first and, honestly, still the best WLW/queer representation that can ever be witnessed and engaged with on the TV screen. The factors as to why that’s true are many,… but mainly… it’s because they were allowed to exist and evolve together as the only lead main female characters in such a way that no other WLW ship on TV ever would or could do so again. They may have been severely censored as an explicit romantic and fully maintext confirmed and committed couple on screen but the creators never let that prevent them from providing a depiction of an all-encompassing love that was much like a romance and still went beyond a romance. Xena and Gabrielle’s love went way beyond the boundaries of romance. I’m not ever saying it’s not that. I’m just saying that it’s more than that and that’s exactly what makes it even more romantic than anything else ever created at least in the TV format and paradigm it was.

Since then, the landscape has changed so drastically that TV WLW/queer ships are never given what they got. Which was a 6 seasons, 22-24 episodes-long epic journey of them just being each other’s absolute EVERYTHING. You can see, hear and feel every single moment of that in who Xena and Gabrielle are as both individual main characters and as a main character dynamic because they do not ever neglect any real and raw aspect about them. The only thing you do not ever get to see between them - although it is heavily implied often - is sexual intimacy. That really is not a loss because everything else that should or needs to be there is there way more than it is with any other WLW/queer TV ships in any other TV shows because they’re lead main characters. In fact… they’re the only lead main characters that are credited throughout the entire run of ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ and, honestly, sometimes I do wish TV ships in other TV shows would censor themselves every now and again so that they would be forced to dig deeper into the nuances and details as much as they did with Xena and Gabrielle.

I know many would disagree with me here but I’m adamant that the censorship helped them more than it hindered them because what you got instead with them was such a powerful representation of true love that didn’t have to rely on sex to represent it. I know that they couldn’t be shown to be sexually intimate because it wasn’t allowed to be sexual. Nowadays it can but I find that sex is used too much now when it shouldn’t be because a real life WLW/queer ship is more than sex and that’s why Xena and Gabrielle is still better representation even in this day and age.

It’s a combination of queer censorship, unbelievably strong chemistry between the leads and the creator/cast/crew’s sincere intention with queer storytelling that gave us the truly EPIC WLW love story that we got with XENA and I wouldn’t have it any other way because, for me, that is everything I could ever want.

So if you love this TV show and TV ship, please join me in celebrating the timelessly magical experience it is by writing meta about what these things mean to you.

XENA: “You know, I’m sending you home in the morning.”

GABRIELLE: “I won’t stay home. I don’t belong there, Xena. I’m not the little girl that my parents wanted me to be. You wouldn’t understand.”

XENA: “It’s not easy proving you’re a different person.

*Gabrielle eyes her curiously, Xena throws a bundle of blankets at her, gestures to the other side of the fire*

You can sleep over there.”

XENA: “You know, where I’m headed, they’ll be trouble.”

GABRIELLE: “I know.”

XENA: “Then why would you want to go into that with me?”

GABRIELLE: “That’s what friends do. They stand by each other when there’s trouble.”

XENA: “All right, friend.”

[guardianlioness]

The Kn8 narrative doesn’t linger on it, so it’s not something I’ve seen discussed much yet, but I really love that we as the audience get to see the domino effect of Kafka’s friendship with Mina.

Episode 5 makes it clear that the officers in Kafka and Ichikawa’s cohort take huge inspiration from Mina. She was a major factor in their decision to join the JAKDF. They view her as a hero, an ideal, and wanting to be like her plays a huge role in their choice to enlist.

What they don’t know, and what we the audience see, is that Mina’s own decision to join the JAKDF is similarly shaped by Kafka. Their pact pushed her into the Defense Force and his failure was key to Mina becoming a real-life superhero.

The story still gives her agency—it was her decision too—but in a roundabout way, the 3rd Division gang is there because of Kafka.

He is totally unaware of it, but he’s technically responsible for his own peer group. An overpowered, dynamite cohort with some of the best rookies the JAKDF has ever seen.

Maybe they would have all made their way there regardless, but there’s something so hopeful, so good to me about his failure ultimately tacking all the way around into a good thing.

[lurkingshan]

Cooking Crush is the Ultimate Romcom

I have been singing this show's praises and lamenting it being so underrated for weeks, and I am simply never going to stop because it just keeps getting better. This week was episode 10, a spot where many Thai shows stumble as they set up their final arcs, but this show sailed right on through on the strength of its writing and incredible character and relationship development. This show believes that relationships should make us better, and it shows us how each of the pairs do this for each other rather than telling us.

Ten is probably one of the best romance leads we have ever gotten in bl. He is just so kind and genuine, and his commitment to honest communication is what drives the story. He's a great match for Prem, who is more naturally cynical and struggles with self-esteem issues. We see over and over again how Ten's steady support and affection buoys Prem through hard times, how Prem never waivers on his feelings for Ten even when he is feeling low, and that even in tough moments they give each other so much joy. Every time something happens that would set up a major conflict in other shows, it is dismantled by Ten and Prem talking to each other about their feelings and getting on the same page. They make each other happy and they want to be together; it is as simple and natural as that.

Similarly, we are seeing clearly how good Fire and Dy's relationship is for both of them. Fire is basically a whole new man now that he has accepted his sexuality and his feelings for Dynamite, and he is growing in his confidence, even starting to be affectionate with Dy in front of their friends. And now that he's gotten out of his own way, Fire can see Dynamite for who he is and offer him the kind of love and support that has been sorely lacking in his life. Dynamite is a character who seems carefree and confident on the surface, but who is actually hiding a well of pain that is closely tied to rejection because of his sexuality and the way he presents in the world. They see and understand these struggles in each other and they are happier when they're together.

And let's not forget Metha and Samsee, who are not in a romance (yet?? please show I will love you forever) but whose relationship is also about forming a bond through which kindness, affection, and support can flourish. Metha is always here to support Samsee when he's struggling with his friends, and Samsee relies on him even as he maintains some defensive posturing to avoid getting hurt. But I trust Metha not to hurt him. I love the way Metha moves through this story giving people the pushes they need and generally just being an excellent dude.

And this show doesn't only care about romance! This is one of the more serious treatments of queer friend group dynamics we have ever had in the bl genre. The friendships in this show are not here as joke fodder or secondary to the romances; they are treated as just as important to the narrative as the romantic beats. Samsee's hurt over being excluded and the changing dynamics of his friendships was taken seriously, and all the other characters gave him space and grace to work out his feelings. I similarly expect that as the show wraps up, we'll return to Ten's family dynamics and come to some solid resolutions there.

I don't know how else to say it: this show is excellent, the writing is much stronger than anyone expected, and the characters are all-timers. Let some joy into your lives and watch Cooking Crush.

[respectthepetty]

I think Mark is like… a vampire or something, does he ever sleep?

He is on every GMMTV SHOW!! I just keep thinking of that clip of him in school president when am he says “ I’m playing the vicar, the father and every other character” (or something like that! I forget!

so……. Would you like to Rate the shows Mark has been in? 👀

Anon, I cannot rate the shows Mark has been in because if Mark is in them, they have to be good, but I will rank them based on how much I loved Mark in them because I think he is beautiful AND talented (which is why this badminton world champion is on my list of GMMTV's best actors).

Ranked - Mark Pakin's Series

Honorable Mention - Cooking Crush - Dynamite

I think Aungpao is doing a great job as Dynamite in Cooking Crush, but I can't help but think what it would have been to see Mark in that role as originally intended. It sucks that Mark is overbooked, which I'm assuming was the reason he couldn't commit to Cooking Crush since he was filming Last Twilight, but it's a good problem to have for such a talented man, so I hope he continues to stay booked and blessing me with his face on my screen each and every year.

#8 - High School Frenemy - Chatjen

This show was barely announced, so it's possible it might not even make it to air, but that's not why it's last. The show is a remake of a Korean series, and word on the street is the original was not gay, like at all, which is wild since the entire pilot trailer for the Thai version seemed very homosexual to me! There was a rooftop and everything! But it also looks like our boy is about to be bullied, and I'm not here for it. Therefore, LAST!

#7 - Bad Buddy - Chang

Mark played in Bad Buddy? Notice that is a question and not a statement because, although I don't remember a lot of Bad Buddy because we have beef, I truly only remember Drake and Jimmy as friends since I wanted them to be a couple (Korn x Wai ghost ship!). I wasn't aware of either Marc or Mark playing Pat and Pran's friends. Mark was there when Pat got shot. Mark was there when they told Pran that Pat got shot. He is in the photo outside of the hospital room because Pat got shot, and I still am like, "Was Mark really in the show?"! I even had to look up what his character's name was on MDL. I still don't believe he was in it. I don't care what Our Skyy said. This is the Mandela Effect.

#6 - I Promised You the Moon - Mek

I do remember Mark in I Promised You the Moon, so this ranking is purely because I'm petty and got beef with this series, specifically Teh, which means Mark has to suffer too. Mark played Mek who was Teh's roommate. After Teh FUCKED UP, Mek was nice to him when he really didn't have to be because Teh was being an ASSHOLE to him, but that's why I loved Mek. He could've thrown hands with Teh in that room, but instead gave Teh some tough love by telling him his crying was annoying, and he needed to get it together. Then, he invited Teh to go eat with him. He still could've smacked Teh though and cemented this as Mark's number one role.

#5 - Last Twilight - Night

The only reason this is ranked this low is because I haven't had enough of him in the show. He is not the lead. He is a supporting character (AS USUAL, GMMTV!), so I can't expect him on my screen every single second, but I need far more of him in the last quarter of this series. Also, the show is setting up Night to be the cause of Day's accident, but it's too late for me to feel bad about any of this. I needed to know that information by episode three. Now we are over halfway done, Mork and Day are fulfilling the gay agenda, Phojai is about to get a rich husband, and Night is going to inherit a beautiful family, so let bygones be bygones, and GIVE MARK A LEADING ROLE ALREADY!

#4 - Only Friends - Nick

If I was really petty, this wouldn't have even been on the list because Nick should have been so much worse. He recorded Boston and Top having sex. He told Mew about Boston's non-consensual sex tape. He lied to Boston. And yet . . . I wanted him to do more! Nick could have blackmailed Top. Nick could've ruined Mew's life. Nick could've hurt Ray via Sand! Nick could've been a baddie, but instead he was a saddie. Mark finally got to kiss a homie, but at what cost? I feel Mark could've done so much more in this role. Honestly, all the actors could have, but they were held back, so here Nick sits in the middle. Not good. Not bad. Just average.

#3 - My School President - Thiu

This 'fit alone deserves our recognition because Mark was playing a high schooler yet looking too fine in this top. He needed to put that hotness away around those children. But in regards to his character, as you mentioned in the ask, he was EVERYTHING! He was trying to keep the student council solid since Tinn was too busy crushing on Gun. He was playing matchmaker. He was dating Por all season, and this is not up for debate. He was a director for the band's music video and was basically their manager. Homie was doing it all and still had time to look fine. What a guy!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken - Saleng

I wrote an ode to Saleng being my Thai primo. He lived for the chisme and was the biggest shit starter in the family, yet Li Meng called him first after the accident, and he was right there when their community mother passed away. Aof, who is behind Moonlight Chicken and Last Twilight, really let all the characters shine in this series, but Mark did amazing with the little amount of screen time he had, which gives me hope that his Last Twilight character will rise in the rankings as that series comes to a close. This role was so good that I was torn between this and the one I ultimately selected as number one, but honestly, both roles could be number one depending on my mood. Do I want family-oriented fun times Saleng or do I want . . .

#1 - The Warp Effect - Jedi

The entire cast of The Warp Effect was elite status. Every character was great. Every storyline was good. Every discussion about sex was outstanding. But Mark as Jedi lives rent free in my head, specifically the scene where after working out, he fucks his girlfriend from behind over the kitchen counter! Then, he experiences pain because he has a STI! This leads to an entire education about open relationships, sexual health, communication, and trans healthcare since his girlfriend is trans. Jojo was the screenwriter and director for both Only Friends and The Warp Effect, so I like that both of Mark's sexier roles are due to Jojo's vision, and I hope Mark gets to work again with either Aof or Jojo because Mark is at his best when he is allowed to play an adult man who knows what he wants and how to get it.

And believe me, he could get it.

[lady-margaret]

bridgerton season 3 part 1 opinion (as someone who has read all the books + is kathony biased so be warned)

after sitting and stewing on what i just watched for a few hours

i’d like to start this off by saying that due to my disappointment of the writing from the last season, i was way more gracious with this one. kate and anthony were great because of simone and jonathan; i’m not sure the writers had much to do with that.

anyway, what i’m saying is that i already knew not to expect the writers to be faithful to the source material (romancing mr. bridgerton), so i was able to enjoy myself more. additionally, polin’s book isn’t exactly a favorite of mine anyway, so there wasn’t a lot to be too disappointed with in my case.

what i liked:

penelope’s wardrobe; they hyped up the “transformation” so much and i’m glad it did not disappoint.

colin’s hot 😌

eloise’ wardrobe; someone pointed out that it had a lot of philip references, so yay 😀 (it has me worried that it’ll be her story next though, we need ben first)

eloise interacting with the other ladies of the ton was really cute and refreshing; she’s learning that despite them having different interests than her, they are still people of great value. the difference is eloise was raised in a loving and supportive family, unlike most of the others.

sibling’s g&h’s personalities coming through more (they are anthony’s children, truly).

featherington sisters as comic relief.

MARRIED KATHONY CRUMBS 💕💕💕 they carried episode 1 for me.

FRANCESCA 💕💕💕 gorgeous introvert representation.

FRANNY AND JOHN 💕💕💕 (i am both ready and NOT ready to get hurt 🥹)

book references (yay! the bare minimum!)

lord debling’s dope.

i actually do like that they gave cressida a legitimate reason to want to win the competition money to unmask LW in the second part.

the music choices haven’t disappointed yet!!!!!

colin’s line for the season is def the “well are you gonna marry me or not?” line HEHEHEHEHE i ALMOST screamed as loud as i did when john entered when he said that line to pen.

as an army, plus points for dynamite 🤭 i didn’t expect to like the orchestral version and didn’t see the vision of where they would even insert it, but i actually liveddd for it.

what i don’t really have strong feelings about:

mondrich plot; alice is beautiful but the addition of their family storyline didn’t make much of a lasting impact.

the queen; she was very meh so far.

the featherington storyline: the sisters are funny, but their whole situation mixed with the humor leads me not to take it very seriously.

violet x lady danbury’s brother: 🤷‍♀️ i don’t see it.

the “lady danbury’s brother” storyline in general is very forgettable.

what i disliked:

i think nicola and luke could use more chemistry; they fall short compared to daphne&simon and kathony (HEAVY ON KATHONY THIS IS WHY THEY REMOVED THEM FROM THE REST OF THE EPISODES SIGH)

they kinda mischaracterized colin (he spent the last two seasons being selfish and putting himself above everyone else violet, what the hell are you talking about “you never place yourself over others” 🤨)

the lack of ben time?? did he go back to the academy after taking over for anthony briefly??? what did he do besides dodging debutantes all season????

they glossed over benedict running the estate so quickly; this could have been an opportunity to draw out his storyline, especially since he mentioned that he liked having a purpose: WRITERS???? DO SOMETHING WITH THAT!

i also didn’t really care for the ben x tilly arnold plot; unless sophie’s actually a maid of her’s or something, i don’t see her point in the show besides just be another one of ben’s ever changing girl of the season.

im sorry but eloise would never SHOULD NEVER have befriended her (ex?) best friend’s bully, no matter what the circumstances. that is NOT eloise.

honestly, them revealing whistledown in the first season is really screwing with the writing; in this regard, i wish they stayed more faithful to the book and how colin finds out about LW. it all just seems so messy at this point.

so s3 starts when kathony end their honeymoon… how long was this honeymoon? math isn’t mathing cuz it couldn’t have been more than a week given that kate isn’t obviously pregnant yet in the first ep.

i know that colin and pen are longtime friends, but from how they’ve interacted with each other in the past seasons, it’s a bit harder to believe that they were close CLOSE friends; close friends to the extent of helping the other find a spouse through “lessons”? i don’t see it. that’s why i was a bit ??? when i first found out about the plot they were going with for the season (in the book, colin really just starts following her around cuz she was being sus)

i hate that they had to come up with an excuse to get rid of kathony for the rest of the episodes; i get that they’ve been running their separate households alone for most of their lives and want a break but… i don’t think they would abandon their responsibilities for an “extended honeymoon”. knowing them, running the estate isn’t gonna stop them from being wh0res!! they help each other out with the estate and are still sickeningly in love and have time for each other (in the books). i was also really hoping to see kate taking over the viscountess role. i swore they would have done something like that after that cute/awkward moment when they both respond to “lady bridgerton” in episode 1.

i get that it’s established that penelope’s one goal for the season is to get a husband, but as i know her character, she would NEVER get into races (?) or run just so she can talk to a suitor before anyone else does 😭 okay but it was funny.

i am kinda sad that they couldn’t have just let a mean character or a villain character be the villain character; yea sure, i did say that i liked that cressida had a legitimate and well thought out motive for wanting the LW reward money but, idk i could’ve lived without her storyline.

one of the BIGGEST THINGS for me is that i do not think they should have released so many clips/snippets of the show days or weeks before it came out. i understand like 1 clip, but i skipped SO MANY SCENES because i have watched them at least 5 times already on tiktok or twitter.

the two part season idea is dumb.

i’m scared for how messy part 2 will be (in terms of both writing and just how stressed i will be with the revealing of LW plot HUHU poor pen) but i’m still looking forward to it 😇😇😇 and despite all the things i didn’t like, i did still enjoy it. if i do rewatch it or not is still to be decided; s1 & s2 have such high rewatch value.

franny and john were TRULY a standout though. i cannot even begin to describe how loud i screamed when he finally said his name out loud 😭💕

verdict: the writing is getting messier, get jonathan bailey in that writer’s room ASAP

[bittersweetresilience]

sunny's year half year in review

because i am all about that self celebration 👏

achievements

🏅 joined a fandom 🏅 got married (🌖) 🏅 made friends (🏮🌺🌋🍜🍀🕊️🦌🧬💤🦎🦭☄️✍️🪨🪶🦚💝🎞️🪄🍞) 🏅 learned new things (📸🪡📑) 🏅 sunnyscrambles

creations

an ongoing amélie dissertation in sentitwin soulmate au. next chapter will be posted on new year's day and will feature art from @moonieratty!

félix and amélie webweaves. my favorites that i've made! all literature is from my graham de vanily reading lists.

ladynoir amv. so many episodes in this. my storage space...

multifandom webweave. the first one i made and still very important to me!

i entered a feverish haze after @nemaliwrites's remixes introduced me to a softer world and the result was Feelings.

my favorite fic i wrote this year. mind the trigger warnings.

recommendations

running in the shadow

i cannot describe how much this fic means to me. i left hundreds of messages during my liveread and i wept all through my comment and my reblog and still it's not nearly enough. it's one of my favorite gifts, one of my favorite fics, and one of my favorite works of art i've ever seen. thank you to @wackus-bonkus-maximus for being a role model, an inspiration, and my first fandom friend.

i love you (for senti-mental reasons)

as the head of the as time goes by pr team, i would be remiss not to recommend something from this series! félix in this universe makes me turn into dynamite. second recommendation is betcha on land (they understand). i'm a big fan of @redundant-lava, you see.

i know there's been pain this year (but it's time to let it go)

what's there not to like about @ninadove's sentitwins? her christmas fic blew me away. i love her creative costume designs, her references to classics and video games, and her accompanying fic art. honorable mentions to la nuit, tous les chats sont gris and everything i did (i did for you).

bon voyage

one of the original highlights of my summer. the dream sequence in chapter four blew my mind. the way this fic was planned to end drives me nuts in the best way.

bell the cat

the single most amazing fantasy au i've read. i'm regularly awed by how incredible it is, and awed by @heartfulselkie's writing, art, and person in general. if i learned how to bind books, this would be at the top of my list. i keep saying it because it's true.

thirteen

our monthly dosage of pain, exquisite backstory exploration, and gorgeous @anna-scribbles prose. i'm always a sucker for pre-canon and this is The fic for adrien pre-canon fans. christmas félix will make me explode.

a rose by any other name

i love everything @asukiess makes but shoutout to loveybug au for being such a fun and creative time for the lovesquare fandom. this fic also comes with the loveyvelours art of all time. the other day i started thinking about kuro neko unprompted. autumn is in my brain...

phoenix félix

this isn't a fic, but i'll never miss a chance to scream about art by @luckychatons. phoenix félix is immortalized in my discord profile picture. i'm blessed to receive secret félix doodles and catsona designs on the down low!

moonie

just scroll through their entire art account. everything they make is an eye feast, and they haven't even posted the half of it. my partner and creative inspiration. the moon to my sun. buy them a coffee for always supporting dead girls club.

[lizardsfromspace]

Every time I see that last supper Lost promo for the final season I'm amused that Ilana's in it. Ilana is actually the best and funniest case of Lost leaving plot threads on the table but it never gets brought up bc you have to have actually watched the whole show to know it instead of just going "well did they ever explain the Smoke Monster" (yes)

So if you haven't seen it, and don't mind spoilers (there are full series spoilers below), Ilana was introduced as a recurring character in the back half of season 5. She was promoted a lot more than usual for a guest star, with it more or less being stated upfront she'd be a main character in season 6. She was a mysterious woman who was on Ajira 316, the plane that brought the survivors back to the Island. But it turns out she's working for Jacob or something, and is carrying a mysterious steel crate, etc. She's clearly set up as important, and in the season finale, we're given a brief and enigmatic flashback where she's heavily bandaged in a hospital and is visited by Jacob.

It was announced before season six that the actress would be promoted to a series regular, and she was in all the cast promos; like the "lost supper" one. So it was set up that she'd be Important

But. Uh. Between promoting the actress to a regular, and doing the promos, and starting work on season six, the writers realized they didn't have time in the final season to develop a whole new main character and her backstory. But she was already signed on for the whole season! So what did they do?

After half a season of build up, Ilana does absolutely nothing. Outside of one episode she's basically an extra. After all that mysterious set-up and obvious ties to the central figure of the mythology (who's implied to be her dad!) she gets no further backstory or development. And then twelve episodes into the season this happens

This is, of course, a callback to a different character exploding in the same way in the first season. I don't know why it's a callback. It doesn't even really work for shock value bc again, it's identical to a shocking death the show famously did five seasons ago, so you kinda brace yourself for it when someone starts tossing around dynamite. I don't know why any of this happened

What I love about this whole arc is that, if they had thought things through and realized "wait, we don't have time for this" between seasons they could've just had Ilana die in the season premiere. But they had the realization so late they had to feature her anyway

The amazing part was, this was the second time this had happened. Before season 5 it was announced that it would have two major recurring characters who would be regulars in season 6, Ilana and Caesar, played by Said Taghmaoui. But they must've realized they had no time for Caesar much faster bc they killed him off after only a couple episodes, without ever revealing anything about him

Anyway when you think of Weird Unsolved Lost Moments, think less of the big ones that aren't even really true (no they were not "dead the whole time"), and think of that time they introduced someone as Jacob's daughter & had her do nothing & then spontaneously explode

[jmdbjk]

Episode 4: Disconnected

Beyond the Star, produced by HYBE Media Studio

Namjoon gives a brief recap of their rise from debut, through the struggles of the next few releases and then they take off with Wings, Fire, Blood Sweat & Tears, Fake Love, and Idol and all their accolades and awards.

They open this episode with behind scenes from filming the ON MV at Los Angeles' Sepulveda Dam. It was hot that day.

[did you say something Jimin? ahem... anyway]

Regarding the previous years to this point in time, Namjoon says he may not have made the best choices all the time but he believes he made the best choices he could at the time. Yoongi says they compacted 20 years into 7 years at the expense of their physical well-being.

Namjoon says he tried to prove himself to the world but now sees that what he's left with are the choices he wanted to make at the time with all his effort and he learned a lot from them.

Jungkook says he lived a life fit for himself, that if he had forced himself to do something that didn't suit him, it would not have been good. He did what he wanted to do and experienced a lot. All decisions he made for himself and which helped him grow.

In other words, they chose to work hard and run full speed ahead and we know that led to an almost burnout situation.

Namjoon states the lyrics of the song ON are what they mean: they've been through it and are on the other side, they made it to the other side together. Bring the pain, bring it on, it will only make us stronger.

It is heartbreaking to hear them talk about how much work they put into the MOTS tour, how involved they were with equipment and production decisions. Yoongi said it had been a while since they'd been this excited about preparing for concerts.

Things were planned that we never knew about. A large-scale gala for TV promotions?

And then the news early 2020. Jimin was asking if there was any chance the concert would ever go ahead as planned...

During the two years or so of the pandemic, each member dealt with the social distancing, self-quarantining, loneliness and lack of live performances in their own ways. They did a lot of nothing during this time. The footage shown here was not of them during the first months of the pandemic. There were no cameras set up during that time. They used footage from times when they COULD film safely to help represent how they were during isolation. Looks like Hobi and Jungkook in the hotel suite after the Grammy Awards and footage of Jimin in his apartment in late 2021, etc.

There were long periods of time when everyone, including you and me were asked or required to abstain from going outside, to isolate away from others, to not socialize with more than 5 or 10 people at a time, even with our families.

Bang PD reflects that BTS were at the peak of their careers, they lived to perform, and had to overcome the feelings of helplessness and that's how he believes they've grown as humans.

So they innovated...they produced the first online ticketed concert: Bang Bang Con. Over 750,000 viewers watched.

It was reported on the news that BTS was once again changing the industry.

And then on August 21, 2020, they released a song to enjoy with the fans:

If The Most Beautiful Moment in Life was the turning point, Dynamite was literally the explosion that shot them into the stratosphere.

Dynamite broke records of every kind: on Youtube the MV set a new record of over 3 million peak viewers during its premiere, almost doubling the previous record, and set a new all-time record for the biggest music video premiere on the platform and the most viewed YouTube video in the first 24 hours, earning 101.1 million views and setting three new Guinness World Records.

In the U.S., Dynamite debuted a #1 on the BBHot100, and is BTS' first #1 single in the US. The song became both the longest-running number one on the Digital Songs chart by a Korean artist and the longest-charting song by a Korean artist on the Hot 100, when it spent its 18th non-consecutive week at #1 the Digital Song sales chart and 32 weeks on the Hot 100, three of those weeks at #1.

Hobi said it was overwhelming that their sincerity had reached all parts of the world. Jin said it was a song to simply enjoy with fans.

Bang PD said he knew what this would mean for their future and what a positive impact it was.

Yoongi said they did the song in the hopes of giving everyone strength during the trying times of the pandemic. Namjoon says because of the situation (the pandemic) they lost so much (cancellation of the MOTS tour) so during that time, the strength of music and performances were their way to give comfort and support to the fans.

With the ongoing pandemic, they had to adapt. In October 2020, they produced Map of the Soul ON:E ... two online concerts that had a record-breaking 993,000 paid viewers from a total of 191 regions across the globe. It was performed at the Olympics Gymnastics Arena. It was elaborately produced. It was expensive. Lots of man-hours went into it.

They said they enjoyed doing it, they worked hard but it was a challenge because the missing element was a live audience... Army was missing. It would never replace a live concert's energy but they were still thankful they could even do it to begin with. It would be another year before BTS was in front of a live audience again.

Overnight on Nov. 24, 2020 they gathered in front of the television in their dorm to watch the 63rd Grammy Awards nomination announcements. Only four of them were there: Jimin, Namjoon, Jungkook and Tae. I had heard the others had schedules the next day and needed to sleep.

They had never known how the Grammy nominations were announced, this was their first experience and when BTS was announced you could feel their astonishment through the screen. The first Korean artist to ever be nominated.

During the Grammy Award broadcast (done remotely), they also performed their own song, Dynamite.

Alas, they did not win but they'd made so much history and broke so many records in 2020, the year of deep lows and the highest highs.

They felt motivated, knowing they still had room for success and had something to strive for.

They were proud to show the world that there are singers like them from Korea and that Army and BTS exist.

[bengiyo]

Cooking Crush Ep 11 Stray Thoughts

Last week was one of my favorite episodes of the season, because it focused on the drama between the friend trio. We delved into how important they are to each other, and their boyfriends (or soon to be (hopefully) boyfriends) supported them. I'm still thinking about the narrative of their dish. Ten got clarity from Prem after punching Chang Ma's nasty ass out, and Fire has promised to come out publicly when Dy wins.

Pang is a real one for recognizing a double date and getting out of the way.

"Put some meat in." Fire, he absolutely will.

Hell yeah, Ten! Show off your boyfriend.

Get you a squad that will cheer for your happiness like this.

Dish 11: Or...The Three Must-Eat-eers Will Only Be a Name

I love Dynamite so much. He said, "Girl, dish," and then immediately got jealous of the PDA and ran for his boyfriend. Some people think it's annoying to have a partner tell you exactly how to please them. Could never be me.

Oh no. The Internet is clowning them. Don't read the comments, boys!

Look at Ten. He got worried about a piece of information he found. He asked for clarity immediately. He got it. He moved on. He is the best man we've ever had.

I'm loving Boyfriends Era for them.

Wait why are they in the school kitchen? Didn't we get into trouble for being here before?

Nevermind. There's the security guard. This got so silly.

In the school kitchen??? Boys!

"It has to happen sooner or later," is the exact energy I expected from Dy.

He kicked my boy across the room!! I see the mom will be our final boss for them, because staying in the closet physically injured Dy there.

Now, Ten, don't leave that sticky note at your house like that!

Of course the bullies posted the punch on socials. Hateful.

Terrible, Ten's dad was right that Ten caused problems for Prem.

Dynamite and Fire are so fun to watch at this point. "Fy, I got slammed hard. I need to be hugged."

Oh, I like this A-B framing of the doc separate from the rest of the group.

Gun is beautiful, and we should have him smile with the whole squad backing him more often.

I love Dynamite so much. "Learn from them, Fy." "Of course."

This producer is like Masks Off and called them lame! Hold the fuck up! There are multiple posts picking at the dad scene but we don't want to cut her for this rude behavior? Priorities!

I'm actually enjoying the drama of this for Ten and Prem. Prem needs to be able to stand up to criticism if he's going to be a popular chef, and Ten needs to reckon with his own stubbornness if he's going to be a good doctor and partner. He gets all riled up about his dad, but he thinks he knows best about everything.

Oh no, Gun is crying. My weakness.

I like that Changma and Ten praised Prem for the same things. That's a good use of a second lead.

Hey, I like Changma also publicly owning his complicity in this bullshit.

I love these three so much as a friend group. I'm glad we have a good baseline for the rest of the year.

Goddamn this practice is not going great, guys.

For a second I hoped that Metha would show up to help Samsee.

Look at my boys go!!

The staff at this place is so bad at keeping the audience out of the show. You'd think they'd have done that after Ten interrupted the first time. Still, I love my boy Fire going public on TV like this.

Just gonna point out that the show remembered the dad laid hands on Ten earlier.

I really like the end of this episode. Yes, let's face that problem immediately;

Wow, we didn't have an episode 11 breakup. This was excellent. Ten and Prem tackled multiple crises this episode with open communication and mutual support. Dynamite and Fire are thriving and taking cues from their friends. Both friend groups are starting to blend. Our boys came together in the face of public scrutiny and pushed themselves to a new level. I'm having a great time. I love that we have three clear final hurdles: The Bully Gang Food War, Ten's Dad and the Scamming, Fire's Overbearing Mother. I'm so ready! The squad is together and we can take on anything!

Regarding the discussion around the dad that @lurkingshan has continued, I think we're fixating on a single moment in a single scene way too much. The show is aware of the dad's hypocrisy, and is using it to force Ten to reckon with himself. He does not care about his dad like that. They didn't forget that he struck Ten, because they brought it up as they set him up as one of our final problems to overcome. I won't be moralizing over that anymore. It's good drama inline with what we should be used to.

[goshdangronpa]

For the ask game: Miu Iruma. Naturally.

Hi, friend! Yes, naturally I have some thoughts on this character. Just a few, really.

I'm just gonnaaaaa put this readmore right here

Sexuality Headcanon: I actually like a lot of different reads for Miu's sexuality. She's yet another DR lesbian who needs to be freed from comphet. She's pansexual who'd go for anything that moves. She's asexual and all her sex talk is a clumsy effort at blending in with a society that expects girls to make babies. Take your pick!

Gender Headcanon: Miu is transhumanist and not that attached to her fleshy form. She loves her boobs, but she'd be down with exchanging them for spherical cannons. She brags about having a bombass vajayjay, but she'd totally install a robot dick that shoots lazers.

A ship I have with said character: You already know, I'm irumatsu all the way. Just at a glance, Kaede is a fun foil for Miu: a friendly yet stern prep who dresses conservatively for a rude and goofy punk who casually wears BDSM gear. But Kaede's no meek square for Miu to pick on. She's got dignity, and she'll fight back. Thing is, Miu crumbles easily under the slightest pushback. Kaede understands that, but she'd never use it to get a permanent edge over Miu. Instead, she makes sure to be the one person who actually tries to understand the human being beneath the gorgeous girl genius. And that, in turn, encourages Miu to drop her defensiveness and open up for once in her life. It's really healthy for Miu ... and it'd keep things interesting for Kaede. This dynamic spins in my head like a dynamo. It's dynamite!

A BROTP I have with said character: Maybe you don't always need to have heart-to-hearts with someone. Maybe a relationship can just be two people dissing each other every day forever, and that's enough. Maybe Miu enjoys verbally sparring with Kokichi because he's the one guy who can actually keep up with her (he'd say it's more like she tries to keep up with him). A friendship of dueling wits, two people who spend their free time coming up with clever insults, trading them with each other at school, then ending it by asking, "Same time tomorrow?" In a way, they might need each other ... so they don't terrorize the rest of the world.

A NOTP I have with said character: Eh, I don't really have one? None that I feel too strongly about, anyway.

A random headcanon: Miu has very strong opinions on cartoons intended for small children. The kind of person who vehemently tweets that animation is cinema but only watches franchise movies from big studios. The kind of person who would tell kids they deserve to die for not caring about the original Teen Titans series. The kind of person who's ranked every episode of a show they barely even like ... Dang, I'd watch Miu's YouTube channel.

General Opinion over said character: One of my top three Danganronpa characters. Hell, top two. I love the huge personalities in these games, and few are bigger than the self-proclaimed gorgeous girl genius. Bombastic yet secretly meek, generous yet condescending, socially clueless yet sharp-witted, beautiful yet devoid of rizz, the worst person you'd ever know yet a person I'd like to have a non-alcoholic beverage with. She's awful because she thinks she's the best, and the worst part is that she's right. Miu fuckin rulez.

[jace-the-writer-guy]

Rest in Peace Bray Wyatt

It's taking a lot for me to say this right now. I know I haven't posted anything in a while, and this is the first thing I do post, but I have to post something about it.

Earlier today, one of my favorite wrestlers, Windham Rotunda (AKA Bray Wyatt) passed away at the age of 36. I'm absolutely heartbroken and for a while I was at a loss for words for the longest time.

This was the leader of the Wyatt Family, the stable in WWE that also had Erick Rowan, Braun Strowman, and another favorite wrestlers of mine who passed away in December of 2020, Brodie Lee (known as Luke Harper in WWE). It's very heartbreaking because they were all like brothers, and from Erick's appearance on Brodie's memorial episode of AEW dynamite at the end of 2020, he was absolutely devastated.

Bray Wyatt was one of the best talkers WWE and the professional wrestling world has had and will ever have. He had such an amazing imagination that could expand far beyond his wrestling career if he ever wanted. I can't help but wonder what could have been if he could have come back, and if he got to return and pursue stuff outside of wrestling.

In my opinion, for what little it matters, he should be a future Hall of Famer. The Wyatt Family should all go in the Hall of Fame.

Please even if you're not a wrestling fan, even if you probably wouldn't understand, look up some of Bray's promo work in WWE. His voice is just amazing and his style of talking was so captivating. He was truly one of a kind. He deserved to have the whole world in his hands.

"Goodbye for now, my brother. See you down the road."

[farmerbebop]

The final round of hotvillagepoll is finally here. It will last only one day because it could be painful for some people (I mean me). Thank you for voting in this poll, even though as a McGoohan fan, you probably couldn't care less about him winning anything.

I hope you've had time to look back at all the beautiful memories (or the psychological damages) this show has brought you. And I hope after the final is over, no one will remember my silly propaganda.

Propaganda

Fall Out: This episode is the pride and joy of any unmutual in the world. Some people would want it removed from its place in TV history but it's there to stay. Haters are gonna hate, but look Patrick McGoohan in the eyes and you'll know why he's the Number One in this business. A masterpiece that gave birth to many other works which came after it. A dynamite of an episode and an everlasting source of inspiration. Let's just put it this way: He came, he saw, he SLAYED.

Once Upon a Time: I lived and died many times during this episode. From the moment I saw it until today I still can't make sense of what happened to me. It was painful, but it was beautiful. And have I ever seen any other actor who is willing to give a TV audience that much of himself? No. Did I become his fan at that moment? Probably not in my mind, I was still resisting the fact that he could possess such a talent. But in my heart, I was his fan, yes.

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME ⟶ PRYCE AND CARTER'S DEEP SPACE SURVIVAL PROCEDURE & PROTOCOL MANUAL / PAGE 771 - 860 tenses and wording may have been altered slightly for ease of sending! always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.

'if you are being chased by a bear, the most effective survival strategy is to have a slower, more appetizing companion.'

'observe all posted signs. and all implied signs. and all subliminal messages. just observe everything. never blink.'

'depending on the situation, /do/ hold your breath.'

'of all the ways you want to advertise yourself, "delicious" is not one of them.'

'if something seems, feels, or tastes wrong, it probably is.'

'it takes two to tango.'

'remember that next time you feel like you're being "exploited".'

'security threats should be classified as human, natural, existential, gastric, or philosophical.'

'no one will ever care about you as much as you do.'

'there is nothing in the dark that isn't there in the light.'

'barricades are completely useless in a zero-gravity environment.'

'feedback loops are, indisputably, the best learning tools.'

'so situation is unsolvable if you have enough dynamite.'

'always hope but never expect the buttercream.'

'the point is /not/ to make it look easy.'

'/something/ is out there waiting for you. it may or may not be happiness.'

'boredom will kill you before a lot of seemingly scarier things.'

'customizable swiss army knives will save you a lot of time.'

'if you get to choose, try to have a sociopathic episode instead of a psychotic one.'

'power vacuums never last for long.'

'if you truly want to get inside the enemy's head, study the art they make.'

'there's nothing more dangerous than a bag of rice in zero gravity.'

'the first rule of shotgun is that there are no rules.'

'imagine the possibilities, but do not attempt most of them.'

'remember: historically, glass fragments have been responsible for 87% of injuries and deaths in bomb blasts.'

'the only acceptable kind of intoxication while on duty is being drunk on power.'

'the house always wins.'

'hurt people hurt people. so be above being hurt. the cycle cannot touch you if you don't let it.'

'there is always a way to escalate hostility.'

'sometimes things get worse before they get better.'

'cold is a state of mind.'

'if you're dying and you know it, clap your hands.'

'a syringe is just a pen that writes in blood cells.'

[livsoulsecrets]

Fire/Dynamite Fic - You saw me start to believe for the first time

Summary:

An alternative take at Fire and Dynamite’s relationship after the end of episode 7: Fire goes after Dy sooner.

“When he woke up half naked only to find out he had made a complete fool out of himself – in Dy’s own words, he lashed out. He lied and denied everything because that was all he ever learned to do with his own feelings.

And the worst of it was that Dynamite listened.”

Read on AO3.

-

Fire was used to being told what to do.

The first clear memory he had of his childhood was of his fifth birthday.

His mother had picked the cake flavor, the decorations, and the balloons. He had asked for a Spider-Man figurine as a gift, but she had waved it off as silly. Fire had begged her time after time to invite over his friends from school, but only family members were in attendance.

Kids make too much of a mess, she told him in a condescending tone. All he had heard was that he was too much of a mess for his opinion to mean anything at all.

His whole life felt like a replay of that faithful birthday party.

His mom chose which sports he’d play in high school and who he was allowed to be friends with. She decided he’d go to med school and that he needed to live at home for the first few years.

His mother had already settled his future many years ago, even before he was born. He’d grow up to be a respectable doctor, marry a respectable woman, and have some respectable kids that would visit their grandmother every Sunday.

Half the time, he could convince himself it was for the better, that this made-up version of him was worth much more than whatever lay beneath it all.

The other half, he didn’t even know if there was a difference between the two.

The one thing Fire felt he was actually good at was lying.

He had perfected it like an art over the years. At thirteen, he had plotted a fake study meeting at his best friend’s house so he could attend his birthday party without his mom obsessing over every detail. At sixteen, he knew how to tell when his mother was in deep sleep, so he could sneak out to see his friends. At eighteen, he had learned to climb through his bedroom window in order not to get caught.

All that effort just to steal away moments of freedom was draining, but Fire could handle it most of the time. He had even grown comfortable in it, protected underneath all the walls he built.

It had been better when he got into college, put some distance between him and his mother’s control, and met Metha and Ten. He thought it would only get easier. There would always be the shadow of his family’s expectations hanging over his life, but he’d have some room to breathe. He’d graduate, have his own money, get married, build a family, maybe even have kids that weren’t terrified of him.

Fire held on to that plan with all he had, and it seemed perfect on paper. Med school was on that plan, girls like Jane and friends like Ten and Metha were as well.

Dynamite wasn’t.

For he was neither a girl nor respectable.

Dynamite was impulsive and inappropriate, genuine and hilarious. He drove Fire mad with his flirting and innuendos and his refusal to be anything other than himself.

It was no surprise he couldn’t stand him at first. Dynamite was free in all the ways Fire could only ever dream of being. He lived on his own, he laughed as loud as he pleased and befriended whoever he wanted to. He was smart underneath his nonchalant demeanor, but he was also intelligent in the traditional way – he wouldn’t have skipped a year in school otherwise.

For the love of him, Fire couldn’t tell when annoyance had shifted into curiosity and interest, and then, so God help him, fondness.

Metha saw it, and so did Jane. Dynamite himself seemed to know, but Fire was a creature of habit.

When he woke up half naked only to find out he had made a complete fool out of himself – in Dy’s own words, he lashed out. He lied and denied everything because that was all he ever learned to do with his own feelings.

And the worst of it was that Dynamite listened.

He disappeared completely from Fire’s life. He couldn’t even steal glances at him anymore. It was like Dy had never existed at all, like they had never met, and their lives had never intertwined.

Fire was always good at lying, yes, but he had never come so close to something true, only to give it up. It proved more painful this time, more than any other.

He had tried to put it into words when Mehta cornered him to ask why he was so miserable, but nothing Fire said made sense.

There was only one way to put an end to his misery. He needed to see Dy again. He needed to-

Tell him the truth? Which version of it? Did Fire himself even know what that was?

The questions remained unanswered for the days it took Fire to track Dynamite down on their campus.

Fire learned his schedule after enlisting Metha’s help in following Dy around. He was not proud of himself for the breach of privacy, but he figured Dy of all people would understand his desperation.

That was how he found himself lurking behind a potted fern as Dy said goodbye to his classmates in front of the culinary’s faculty.

The irony was not lost on him: after the lengths he went to in order to get rid of Dy’s lurking, there he was, relented to the same position, desperate to catch Dy’s eye.

There was no time to hesitate, though. When Dy walked away from his friends to enter the building, Fire forced himself to leave his hiding spot to follow him.

Dy navigated through the halls with ease, his fingers tapping against his leg and his face relaxed. When he turned right and entered a desert hallway, Fire seized his chance.

He exhaled deeply and rushed closer to him.

“Dynamite,” he called out.

The boy turned around, his face paling considerably when his eyes landed on Fire.

“Can we talk, please?”

Dynamite remained still for long seconds – that Fire could have sworn stretched into hours.

Then he had the audacity to laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Fire flinched. “Please, I just need to-”

“Oh, you need something? So, I just drop everything and rush to help?” Dy echoed, his tone vicious. “You know what, Fire? I’m done here.”

Dynamite turned on his heels and began to walk away.

Overcome by some instinct he couldn’t possibly name, Fire rushed forward and blocked his way.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he spat out before the courage slipped away from him. “I know you didn’t lie that day. I said and did all those things. I called you there. I asked you to stay.”

Dy’s face was bright red when he replied, “I know that, dumbass. I was there. You were the one in denial. Is that all? Can you let me go now?”

Fire shook his head immediately. “No. It’s not just that.”

Dy rolled his eyes, none of his usual nonchalance present now. “I’m sure you have better things to do than talking to me. Why don’t you go back to Jane and leave me alone?”

“What does Jane have to do with this?” Fire nearly screamed. He was too frustrated now to be reasonable.

“She’s your girlfriend, for fuck’s sake!” Dy jabbed at his chest in fury, and his other hand tightened around his backpack’s strap.

“She’s not!” Fire denied, grabbing his hand, “We’re not back together.”

That gave Dynamite pause. “What? I saw you in the market and…”

“We’re just friends,” Fire interrupted, “not even that anymore, I think. Her girlfriend doesn’t like it.”

Dy’s eyebrows shot up so high it would have been comical in any other situation. “Jane has a girlfriend?”

“That’s not important right now,” Fire exasperated.

“It sounds pretty important to me,” Dynamite fired back.

“I’m not here to talk about Jane,” he laced his fingers around Dy’s wrist, praying to whatever God was listening that he didn’t ruin everything again.

“What are you here to talk about, then?” The annoyance hadn’t left his tone yet, but Fire had to trample down the treacherous hope blooming inside his chest at the fondness he heard mixed with it.

“I’m here to tell you that…” he started, suddenly distracted by the softness of Dy’s skin under his fingers and the shape of his mouth as it moved around his words. He swallowed dryly. “I meant what I said that night. I didn’t want you to look away from me in the market. I didn’t want you to ignore me, even when I asked you to leave me alone.”

Dy’s jaw clenched. “Is this some ego boost to you? Jane dumped you, so now you want me to keep chasing you so you can feel better?”

He retreated his wrist with a hard pull, but Fire didn’t let him go far.

“That’s not it!”

“Then, what the hell is it?” Dy shouted back, and Fire saw tears welling up in his eyes.

It all came to him rather quickly after that.

He realized that hurting Dy felt a hundred times worse than disappointing his mother or abandoning her plans for him.

Being a good son would mean turning his back on Dynamite and the fire he ignited within him.

He had been good for so long. Right now, he just wanted to be honest.

Resolve settled deep in his heart. He’d tell Dy all he had kept secured before. He’d bare his soul for him and allow Dynamite to judge whether it was worth his time or not.

There was no one telling him what to do now. It was terrifying, but Fire pushed through the paralyzing fear to try and fix what he had broken.

“I want you to care. I want you to care about what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with. I want you to drive me crazy with your questions and your rambling.”

He gulped some air, stilling himself for how irreversible that moment would be.

“I want you, Dy,” he murmured. “I just want you.”

He grabbed Dynamite’s face with both hands and kissed him.

It was nothing like those passion-filled kisses he saw in movies. He was pretty sure he had knocked his nose too hard against Dy’s. There were not butterflies in his stomach, just a sureness spreading through his body that Fire had never felt before.

He had barely processed that knowledge when the magnitude of that situation dawned on him. Fire pulled away just as quickly as he had pulled Dy into him.

“Sorry! I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that. I didn’t even ask you. I spent so many days thinking of what I was going to say, and I fucked everything up,” he rambled, desperate. He backed himself into the opposite wall from where Dy stood.

Dy hadn’t moved yet, and he was eerily quiet – both features that didn’t fit him at all. He brought two fingers to touch his lips and stared at Fire in disbelief.

“Did you mean it?”

Dy’s voice was small and contained, with just a hint of hope that fired up his insides.

“All of it,” Fire confirmed, biting into his lip to stop himself from moving towards Dy again.

It had to come from him this time.

He had to make the call. Fire needed to know if Dy was willing to put up with his messes. He wouldn’t force it upon him, not again.

Dynamite dropped his backpack to the floor and rushed forward. Fire felt his feet moving of their own accord and they met somewhere in the middle.

Dynamite threw his arms around Fire’s neck and kissed him properly. He had to lace an arm around Dy’s waist so his knees didn’t give in. He was lucky there was a wall under his back, or Fire was sure he’d have made an even bigger fool out of himself.

He ran his other hand through Dynamite’s hair, mesmerized by the softness of the strands. Late at night, when he was already in bed, he had allowed himself to wonder what this would feel like.

His imagination had nothing on the real thing, though. When Fire scrapped his nails against Dy’s scalp, the other boy whimpered against his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful,” the words spilled out, unrelenting in their honesty after so many months of denial.

Dy’s ears burned red, and he hid his face in Fire’s neck. “Shut up.”

“You really are. You sound so-”

Dynamite pressed a kiss on his neck, and his mind forgot any words he had been about to say. He had to place all his focus on getting his mouth to work again.

“I need you to know,” he tried again, determined to ensure Dy believed him completely.

This time, the menace bit into his collarbone. “Dynamite,” he mumbled, trying to reprimand him, but his voice sounded pleading, and his back arched involuntarily.

Dy lifted his face from his hideout, smiling the troublemaker grin that had haunted Fire’s mind for days after his failed date with Jane.

“I believe you, moron.”

“You do?” Fire exhaled in relief, resting his forehead against Dy’s.

He kissed Fire in lieu of an answer – a quick brush of their lips against each other – but it was enough to allow all the tension of the last few days to leave Fire’s body.

“I’m really sorry,” he said again.

“I know,” Dy answered, still smiling broadly, “but I forgive you. Better late than never, huh?”

He chuckled, and Fire watched in awe. “I thought I was too late.”

“You were just in time, Firefy,” Dy laughed, caressing his cheek with his knuckles.

Fire brought Dy’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.

Dy tilted his head and frowned. “Actually, how did you know where to find me?”

Fire released his hand very slowly and tried to search his brain for a reasonable answer. “I was just walking by,” he said, but the sentence sounded too much like a question, even to his own ears.

Dy lifted an eyebrow and said, “Really? So far away from the Med school building? Exactly when I had just finished a lecture?”

“Yes?” He tried again.

“Fire,” Dy bent forward, which only made Fire more nervous. “Did you follow me?”

“No!” He denied away too quickly, and Dynamite let out a victorious screech.

“You totally did!”

His shoulders slumped down in defeat. “Maybe a little?”

“I can’t believe it!” Dy exclaimed, far too entertained by his despair. “All that talk about privacy and boundaries, only for you to do the same.”

“I was desperate, okay? I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“I know the feeling.” Dy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Fire groaned and shoved Dy playfully on the shoulder. It only made him laugh harder.

“You’re so annoying!”

“Yes,” Dy agreed, “and you like it.”

All the fight flew from his body. He traced the curve of Dynamite’s chin with the tips of his fingers and said, “I like you.”

Dy pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “I like you too.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to admit it. I was so scared,” said Fire.

He feared he’d find more hurt in Dy’s gaze when he said those words, but there was just openness and understanding mirrored in his eyes.

“It’s hard to explain, but I’m not used to feeling so much. I can handle lying to my mom when I sneak out for a party or a date. I’m good at finding time for my friends and to play tennis.”

For the first time since he laid eyes on Dy this morning, Fire felt like he actually knew what he was doing. The words kept pouring out of his mouth, but now he knew they were truthful. There was no risk of saying the wrong thing because this was for Dynamite’s ears only.

He had said and done much worse, and yet he was only ever met with Dynamite’s honesty and kindness in return.

“I’m not good at wanting things too badly. Or fighting for them. It was so easy before,” he confessed, and the sight of Dy was a canvas of possibilities he had never dared to paint before.

“It was so easy before I met you. I didn’t know what to do with what you made me feel, so I pushed it away.”

Dy’s hand found its way to his neck, landing there as a comforting weight.

“And why did you change your mind?”

“You know why.”

“I want to hear it,” Dy insisted, titling his chin up.

Fire relented, “I missed you too much.”

Dy smiled, satisfied. “It’s okay. We’ll talk more later, but we’re fine. Just hold me, will you?”

He was nodding before Dy finished talking. He pulled him against his chest and kissed the top of his head.

“You can want things for yourself, Firefy. You deserve it,” Dy told him.

And Fire finally believed in it.

[midwestwaldorf]

nobody asked but here's Dair x TTPD

fortnight: the entire song. no notes

the tortured poet's department: I mean Dan is kinda a tortured poet you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road but I've seen this episode and still loved the show. who else decodes you? "you're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith. this ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots"

my boy only breaks his favourite toys: 'cause it fit too right. puzzle pieces in the dead of night. I should've known it was a matter of time. There was a litany of reasons why we could've played for keeps this time.

fresh out the slammer: now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you. fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to My friends tried but I wouldn't hear it, watched me daily disappearing for just one glimpse of his smile. all those nights you kept me going, swirled you into all of my poems. now we're at the starting line, I did my time.

guilty as sin?: again, the entire song.

loml: Still alive, killing time at the cemetery. never quite buried. in your suit and tie, in the nick of time. you lowdown boy, you standup guy. you cinephile in black and white. all those plot twists and dynamite. Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry. you said I'm the love of your life.

the black dog: I move through the world with the heartbroken. my longings stay unspoken. and I may never open up the way I did for you.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus: If you want to break my cold, cold heart just say, "I loved you the way that you were." if you want to tear my world apart just say you've always wondered. could it be enough to just float in your orbit? can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses? cooler in theory, but not if you force it to be.

so high school: and in the blink of a crinklin' eye. I'm sinkin', our fingers entwined, cheeks pink in the twinklin' lights. no one's ever had me, not like you.

i look in people's windows: i look in people's windows, in case you're at their table. what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?

the prophecy: a greater woman has faith, but even statues crumble if they're made to wait. I'm so afraid I sealed my fate, no sign of soulmates

peter: and sometimes it gets me, when crossing your jet stream. we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon in different galaxies.

the bolter: when it's all roses, portrait poses, Central Park Lake in tiny rowboats. what a charming Saturday. that's when she sees the littlest leaks down in the floorboards and she just knows, she must bolt.