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alette-stars · 5 years

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The giant goes to rest. More than two years, 130 000 words and many screams and tears since its start, Lavender Jade is complete.

Let me start off by thanking you all for supporting this fic! When I started I had no idea it was going to receive the love it has. Before Lavender Jade I was known for more overall lighthearted works (Mint and Poppy in the Monsta X fandom, Stray Romance for ASTRO). All your constant love and support has been a huge help. Thank you so much! Words cannot describe the joy your comments and messages gave me ♡

I’ve made so many amazing friends and spoken to so many beautiful people because of this work, but this fic is dedicated to Monsta X ♡

Okay, enough sappiness! Time to move on to the trivia and extras. This is my 4th trivia post (you can find Mint and Poppy here; Stray Romance here; Wrong (Right) Number here) and longest yet, so it’s in 3 parts:

basic tidbits/extra info

regarding the vei, the card divination system

some personal rambling regarding my character motives (entirely skippable)

If it’s not obvious, there are going to be major spoilers, so if you haven’t read the fic yet but plan to do so, I advise not reading this ^^

If you need, you can always reference the character list here

Okay, so let’s get started! Rest of the post is under the cut

1. Basic Trivia

Most of the extras in the fic were original characters this time, with a few exceptions. Even these exceptions are not exactly based on the idols they’re named after, but I imagined them while writing. These are:

Sojung, Jooheon’s bodyguard - WJSN’s Exy

Sewoon, Kihyun’s manservant - soloist Jeong Sewoon

Seungwoo, another of Kihyun’s servants - soloist Yoo Seungwoo

Dawon, Hyunjung, Jiyeon, Luda, Soobin, Juyeon, the girls mentioned as being part of Jooheon’s people in Eigak - WJSN’s Dawon, Seola, Bona, Luda, Soobin, Eunseo

Along with the ones living, there were those who lived in the past. Mentioned in-text:

Hoseok II, a previous king of Yishin - BTS’ J-Hope

Seokjin, a consort to Hoseok II - BTS’ Jin

Kim Namjoon, prime minister of Hoseok II - BTS’ RM

Hakyeon, the first king of Yishin - VIXX’s N

And those referenced only in the snippets in the chapter summaries:

Jungsoo, a previous king of Yishin - Super Junior’s Leeteuk

Kyuhyun, a historian - Super Junior’s Kyuhyun

Yoongi, a consort to Hoseok II - BTS’ Suga

Taekwoon, high prince to Hakyeon - VIXX’s Leo

For some reason which I still cannot fathom, I’ve been praised for the worldbuilding in this fic. The capital city of Yishin doesn’t even have a name.

The basic geography of the peninsula is Yishin, Eigak to her east, a number of tiny states to her west, the sea to her south. The western side of Yishin is more fertile. The stretch of border between Yishin and Eigak is a rocky wasteland.

Yishin was named as a mix of Wonho’s two surnames: Lee and Shin

The concept of snippets from literature and media from the universe as chapter summaries was inspired by Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen saga. The vei deck (more on it later) was also very heavily inspired by his Deck of Dragons in the same books.

A lot of fics focus on Hyungwon’s looks (something I’m guilty of as well) so I wanted to write a world where he wasn’t considered handsome. I understand why all the shows set in alternate worlds have the same beauty standards as us—it makes for prettier TV—but I decided to set a different one for the world of Lavender Jade. Somewhat arbitrarily, we have:

considered very handsome - Hoseok, Minhyuk, Changkyun

considered somewhat handsome - Kihyun

considered plain/regular - Hyunwoo, Hyungwon, Jooheon

Han Jehan, obviously, also falls in category 1.

Han Jehan was my first time writing a proper villain in my fics, and I don’t know how well I succeeded but I enjoyed it immensely. I went out of my way to add all the traits I like so that I wouldn’t end up hating him, even going so far as to give him the surname of one of my favourite idols (sorry Hyuk).

There are two main things I’d change in the fic if I could turn back time:

tighten up the front end. I’d combine the first couple of chapters

Yeon Hu would be a woman. By the time I realized the awesome power of a badass lady general, it was too late

All court members—Jo Senmi, Yeon Hu, etc—are original characters. They’re both basic archetypes you’ll find in sageuk dramas. I think it’s worth mentioning both of them really do love Yishin, they just had very different, more conservative ideas of what would be best for the country.

I’d thought of using all the proper Korean names for the clothes especially, but decided that would make things difficult to read and binned the idea.

The opening note says the world is inspired by the Joseon dynasty. Regarding the initiatives to improve people’s lives, yes, but the hall/court system is more inspired by (what I know of) the Goryeo dynasty system.

I’ve been asked this before, but I’ll answer it here again: I’d never finished a sageuk drama before Flower Crew (very recently, and only because I was watching it with my sisters), and definitely not while I was planning this fic. Don’t judge me. The one I would recommend is Six Flying Dragons, most like Lavender Jade in tone. The others I’ve made headway into are Moonlight Drawn by the Clouds, Ruler: Master of the Mask, and The King and the Clown.

I’m surprised no one brought up the foreshadowing I did near the end of chapter 16. Seven stars, two possible fates. The final fate of the two lovers (Kihyun and Changkyun) turned out to be a mix of the two stories: there was a fire, and the heavenly king was pulled from heaven (Kihyun from his position) to live the rest of his life with his lover.

Unlike my other secret couple (myungjin in Stray Romance) there are no hints of Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. They never did anything that would show. Minhyuk attempts to fluster Hyunwoo, but he does that with everyone.

Changkyun’s final card from the reading in chapter 8 is the two of Knives. It means a sacrifice.

My favorite parts of the fic to write were Kihyun’s various descriptions of Changkyun’s beauty :)

This is, undoubtedly, the fic that has required the most work from me. I will say the most difficult scenes to write were Minhyuk’s fight with the assassin and Hyunwoo’s with Kim Sungil. Action scenes are not my forte.

If you don’t know, I have written a romantic one-shot set in the same universe, titled Only One

2. The Vei

I don’t know how obvious this was, but the entire vei deck concept was inspired by and based on VIXX. The idea itself came from the Deck of Dragons in Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen saga.

There are 84 cards in the deck: 72 cards in six suits, and 12 Unaligned. The Unaligned can be paired off, where each card is the opposite of its pair (with the exception of the last pair). The Unaligned cards are:

Fountain and Grave - a beginning and an ending

The Open Hand and The Closed Hand - generosity and miserliness

The Lord and The Lady - bad luck and good luck

The Centaur and The Fox - someone proud and someone crafty

Magnolia and Crown of Thorns - misery in success and happiness in failure

Pyramid and Mirror - stability/instability and karmic justice/unfairness

The six suits, along with the member they represent, are:

Stars - N

Rings - Leo

Shells - Ken

Scrolls - Ravi

Flowers - Hongbin

Knives - Hyuk

Each suit, like our playing cards, has a king, queen, and knight (jack). The king of each suit is based on a VIXX member, and has some particular qualities along with being very rare. All visual cues for the kings come from VIXX’s masterpiece MV, Shangri-La.

Stars - King: the Emperor, Queen: Sloth, Knight: the Page. The Emperor is the rarest card in the deck, and is represented by a crowned man with no features, only darkness in place of a face. The Page is the icon of diligence (and was in Minhyuk’s hand in chapter X). The theme of the suit is mystic fates, technically the uncategorized cards. In the natural half of the deck.

Rings - King: Death, Queen: Envy, Knight: the Messenger. Death is a card of finality (like Grave). The theme of the suit is secrets. In the manmade half of the deck.

Shells - King: Life, Queen: Gluttony, Knight: the Fool. Life is a card of possibilities. The Fool denotes absolute luck--essentially the card of negation. The theme of the suit is environment. In the natural half of the deck.

Scrolls - King: the Mage, Queen: Greed, Knight: the Apprentice. The Mage is a figure of knowledge and learning. The theme of the suit is motivations. In the manmade half of the deck.

Flowers - King: the Elf, Queen: Lust, Knight: the Handmaid. The Elf is an elusive, hidden figure with hidden motives. The theme of the suit is happiness. In the natural half of the deck.

Knives - King: War, Queen: Wrath, Knight: the General. War is a decisive figure, one who brings final consequences. The them of the suit is decisions. In the manmade half of the deck.

I’ve been asked about the game played with the vei deck as well. It is a game of my own invention, yes. It’s based on trick-taking games like Hearts, where the object is to win the least cards as possible. It’s played in alternating rounds, one where the Unaligned are not used, the next where they are. I didn’t hash out the details beyond some basic motifs, but it is technically playable. Only if you have a vei deck though. The whole gameplay hinges on the fact that some cards are less likely to appear when picked from the stacked deck.

I’ve heard from more than one person that I got them into tarot as a hobby. That’s great! But the truth is I know next to nothing about tarot haha

3. Rambling

I might suggest skipping this. This adds 0 value to the post and fic aside from giving me a space to ramble and whoa it turned out long

First: King Hoseok. He’s copped a fair share of criticism in this fic regarding his passiveness and his acceptance of the unfair consort system. I will defend my handling of this character to the ends of the Earth. I’m not saying he’s perfect (obviously! the only character that comes close to that is Hyunwoo) but I think he did right by what he had.

A neat indication would be to flip back to chapter 14, the Hyungwon POV chapter. When Hoseok says that the two of them are alone even though the room is filled with servants, Hyungwon forgives it as a result of his upbringing. He’s undoubtedly biased, but he has a point. Hoseok was raised as king. Certain things that are so obvious to others don’t even register to him. The consort system, where they have to swear loyalty to him but he doesn’t to them? He was raised as seeing this as normal. They all were. He never even fathoms a consort would want to leave their position. When Kihyun tells him the truth about the affair, Hoseok is stunned. He doesn’t understand Hyungwon calling his old life of poverty a life of freedom.

Basically, Hoseok is just trying his best after being raised (and still living) in a life of absolute privilege. He expects loyalty, love, because he hasn’t been exposed to anything different. His situation is completely different from Jooheon’s, who’s grown up in a much more volatile situation. Jooheon had to learn early on to really open his eyes, to listen, and he’s much more observant and understanding. By the end of the fic Hoseok’s had a wakeup call, and he’s going to get better.

Second: the consort system. Yes, it’s cruel. It wasn’t what Hakyeon had envisioned when he had his companions instated formally. But in Yishin this is the norm. No one thinks it cruel. It’s a position of huge honor (Kihyun thinks of it a few times).

Even though there’s no homophobia, misogyny etc, Yishin is a conservative society. They haven’t had a change of regime in 23 generations. They’re used to the norm, and consortship is the norm. Also, if you look at most conservative societies, you’ll see romantic love isn’t considered a prerequisite for marriage (which is kind of what consortship is). In many societies (including my own) many people would jump at a chance for consortship, no matter their relationship with the monarch.

Third: the fic had a lot of subversion of typical historical expectations and standards. I still consider myself primarily a fantasy writer. Typical fantasy and historical works have a strong focus on honor, dignity, truth and justice and all those values.

Lavender Jade does not. Kihyun and Changkyun are oathbreakers, they are traitors (by Yishini law). Every insult flung at them is true. The king breaks his country’s laws to help them escape their deserved punishment. Even Hyunwoo, the honorable and admirable commandant, defeats Kim Sungil using an underhanded move, and gets his happy ending with another consort breaking his oath.

At times I seriously considered ending this as a tragedy. It felt fair. Kihyun and Changkyun had broken laws, broken promises. All that happened did as a result of their own actions (even Han Jehan’s targeting of Kihyun was, from what we see, brought about by Kihyun digging into his affairs). A sad ending would be deserved. But then I thought, hmm, why? Why should it be fair? Why should they be miserable because it is deserved?

So we got the ending we got, and I hope you’re all happy. I know I am.

Thank you for reading to the end of this (unnecessarily) long post! It’s almost as long as the fic itself haha If you have any questions or messages you can shoot me an ask or pm here, or on my Twitter or on CuriousCat ^^

So what’s next? I’m writing Wrong (Right) ID, an epistolary fic for ASTRO in the same style as Wrong (Right) Number, and A Match Made in Heaven, my VIXX karma officer fic (it’s an unusual concept! you should try it). Both fics will end soon, maybe even before the end of the year, so you won’t have to bear much waiting ^^;;

I’m also writing Blood, Water, a vampire fic with a strong emphasis on family for ATEEZ, so you can check that out too! This one’s going to be long and angsty and quite self indulgent ^^

I’ve been asked if I’m going to continue writing in this universe. The answer is, yes. I will be writing White Carnation, the book referenced in multiple chapters of this fic, as a novella. I might write a short story on how Hoseok and Hyungwon met, but that’s undecided. I’ve hashed out ideas for side stories involving VIXX (and the founding of Yishin) and ATEEZ (and the change of regimes in Eigak) in this CuriousCat ask and this Twitter thread, but those will probably only remain as threads ^^;;

And in the future? I have Monsta X one shots planned, and perhaps another long fic too. All possibilities are open! I hope you’ll stay with me for them ♡

Again, and as always, thank you. I hope you enjoyed Lavender Jade ♡

#fic #my writing #lavender jade

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skull001 · 5 years

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Friday... It was like 7:30 PM and thought I could take a quick 10 minute nap but was so exhausted from work that next thing I knew was waking up at 3:00 AM. And since there is not much to do to pass time, I decided to do something about it: write.

One of the things I always liked about the Sonic franchise is it's characters. It's not only that they have very appealing designs that combine cute traits with a touch of coolness, but also their well defined personalities. Saddly, I often see people get the wrong idea about them... and it's not just the fans (particularly the fandumb who misinterpretate them into something they are not out of spite) but even the people who are supposed to be professionals who for some reason struggle to get the hang of characters that at first glance seem to have simple personalities.

Today I'm just going to focus on the main cast besides Sonic: Eggman, Tails, Amy and Knuckles.

Dr. Eggman IMO is a character that was always meant to be a cartoony villain who is as goody as he is dangerous. While in Japanese manuals he calls himself a scientific genious of evil, the truth is that Eggman is for the most part, just a very selfish and immature fellow who happens to also be the most brilliant mind in the entire world.

The reason why Eggman is so dangerous is that he pursues his selfish desires such as building an entire amusement park just for himself (and to absolutely share it with no one else) without ever thinking of how he puts everyone, himself included, in great danger by handling forces that he can't expect to control. He is like a very spoiled manchild who is playing with fire in a tinderbox.

While he considers evil, it's also important to note that Eggman is not exactly what I would call sadistic (except in the Archie/IDW comic) since he never is shown to enjoy the suffering of innocents that are caught on his schemes... Eggman simply just doesn't care, but I believe that if he were to be conscious of how his actions affect others, he might at the very least hesitate on going further with his plans because despite being a trouble maker, Eggman is not a monster and in some occassions has shown to still have redeeming aspects that do surface from time to time.

Another interesting aspect about Eggman is that despite him boasting about how great it is to be him and acting all smug, he might actually be a character that feels lonely. In Sonic Unleashed, this point was brought by Chip and think there is validity to it because in the next game, we're introduced to his two assistants Orbot and Cubot, who ever since have kept company to the doc, though as expected, he treats them awfully (but never in a cruel way) just like a bully would to their henchmen. Perhaps Eggman does want to have friends, but because of his selfish and self-centered personality, he drives away anyone who might want to try to come close to him. Heck, the only reason he and Amy remained Fuzzy Puppy buddies in Sonic Boom was that for once, Eggman stopped acting like a spoiled brat and returned the stolen figure after Amy threatened to stop being his friend.

Tails (aka Miles Prower). Tails is a character that has suffered a lot in recent games because of what I mentioned at the start of this wall of text: simple characters who are misunderstood.

This is a character that is meant to be the kid of the group, and as such, he would be the one who experiences doubts and self-confidence issues because while you have strong and experienced characters like Sonic and Knuckles, or the self-made heroine that Amy Rose eventually grew to become, Tails is just the youngest member of the group who for the longest time relied on being by Sonic's side to have the confidence to do things.

Tails has a talent when it comes to tinkering with machines which seems to bring him great joy (I imagine it's the kind like when I build sci-fi model kits), and is always seeking to gain the acknowledgement from his friends by showing to them his latest inventions. At heart, Tails is a gentle child who is the exact opposite of Dr. Eggman because while the doc uses all his talents and resources for self-serving purposes, Tails wants for his inventions to help make life easier for others. However, often his inventions have flaws/bugs that the boy oversees because of his child-like enthusiasm, and this can sometimes cause troubles (like in Sonic Boom's "UT" episode) that causes for Tails to sink into his own doubts.

One thing that I feel is very important to take into consideration is that Tails should never be the kind of character that guilt-trips the audience into feeling sorry for him. When one feels empathy for a character, it's often because they struggle and show very humane and relatable emotions. Tails being confused about what went wrong is IMO a very sincere form of showing his doubts and him trying to correct them is his form of struggle. A trap writers could fall for is to make the other characters act mean to him which is something I feel should be avoided because it cheapens the whole thing.

Amy Rose. With Amy, the thing I liked and always believed is that out of all the characters, she is the one with the most potential... And what annoys me is the way Sonic Team fails to deliver on it by all of the wrong reasons.

I always loved Amy because she is one of the characters that to mee feels the most "real". Amy is a very energetic and bubbly girl with an endless supply of optimism that always makes her see the best out of any situation. She also has quite some flaws too, like being impulsive, quick to jump into conclussions, can be a bit feisty, etc... IMO, this makes Amy feel closer to the normal people and believe that in the Sonic franchise, she serves as a bridge between Sonic's bigger than life adventures and the normal, everyday life. But if there is one thing that this character has that won me over, is her compassion and empathy for others. Sure, every character can show that too because it's a basic humane quality. However, none of them takes it to the length that Amy does because what makes Amy unique is that her compassion and empathy also extends towards the bad guys. You see, Amy is the kind of character that believes that everyone deserves to be happy in life, and because her insight makes her realize the sadness experienced by those who lost their way and deviated into a dark path, she will try to make them realize the inner good that they forgot existed or did not know was there. Where Sonic saves the world, Amy saves bad guys from themselves.

Funny enough, Amy herself is a character that I am very sympathetic for because unlike Tails and Knuckles, who from the very start of their careers had the full support of Sonic Team and always received a preferential treatment, Amy is a character that had to start literally from zero to get where she is now... and even then, sometimes it feels like she is often left behind by the developers who overlook the many things that she as a character can contribute to the main cast, what she herself can accomplish as a hero, what she can add as a playable character... And it's this one-sided form of exclussion that feels so unfair, based on dumbass ideas like "she wasn't part of the Genesis trilogy" that has resulted in so many missed opportunities... From SA2 not continuing her character development by giving the spotlight instead to Knuckles (who didn't even contributed to the plot in any meaningful way and was just there for the sake of pandering to his popularity), to being robbed in Forces from being the leader the IDW comic showed (and which previous games hinted she would one day become) to Mania not having her in the game despite already haven proved to be a great addition in Sonic Advence, giving her spot instead to a couple of literal nobodies. Even the animated mini-series would had also forgotten all about her had it not been for Tyson Hesse, who likes the character and always wanted to feature her and insisted until he got the green light to go ahead with what I feel is the most special episode of the Mania Adventures mini series (and the oerfect Christmas gift for me).If only Christian Whitehead and Takashi Iizuka had been more like Hesse... Cowards. No, I'm not even fucking sorry for calling them that.

Sometimes, as an Amy fan, it's so very hard to have any love for things like the immensely popular "classic trio" (the concept, not the characters involved) because how this has resulted in Amy always getting the short end of the stick. This is a character that IMO should had been right up there along Tails in terms of importance, not being sidelined or excluded over crap "reasons".

And finally, Knuckles.

Oh Knuckles, where do I begin. Despite how sometimes I may sound harsh towards the character, I have to say that I do like Knuckles because as a character, I believe he can be one of the most entertaining and relatable of the franchise, but because Sonic Team are a mixed bag themselves (they create wonderful character designs and give them unique personalities for the most part, but God if they can be clumsy when it comes to handling them) I feel that Knuckles is the opposite of Amy in that he is a character that fell victim of his popularity, where Amy on the other hand is a victim just because she wasn't introduced in a certain trilogy of games.

As a character, Knuckles feels like a mix between Donald Ducks short-tempered personality, and Daffy Duck's jealousy towards the main character. Indeed, Knux can be quite explosive with his temper, especially if it involves unwanted visitors laying their filthy casual paws all over the master emerald, or when facing unexpected obstacles (I know how this feels... I too hate when my work is affected by factors outside my own power. XD) which in animation, were hilariously captured by Tyson.

Knuckles relationship with Sonic on paper is that of a friendly rivalry... Not because Knuckles is this supposedly good, close friend of Sonic, which I still believe he is not (Tails has a reason to be a close friend, Amy has a reason AND had to struggle and insist until she finally got there... Knuckles though, he was never given one, although it's never too late to start working on it), but rather, because Knuckles was never a bad guy... He simply was some echidna with a very honest and naive sense of what is right which Dr. Eggman took advantage of to pit him against Sonic and Tails. Even if Knuckles was thankful to Sonic for helping clear the mess and recover the master emerald, I believe that deep down, Knuckles still resents having not only been tricked by Eggman, but also being beaten by Sonic... and not just in the literal sense of having been KO'd in Kombat, but also in the sense that Sonic did what he was supposed to do: retrieve the master emerald. This IMO is a wound in Knuckles' pride that never truly healed.

And this brings me to what makes Knuckles so sympathetic. Knuckles is the least brilliant mind of the group. He us also stubborn... A literal knucklehead. And yet, Knuckles is aware of this and in more than one occassion has expressed his frustration and regret for how easy he can be taken advantage of... How could someone not love Knuckles and just want to give him a good hug? This is why I was so very moved when the Archie comic had a heartwarming moment where he and Amy have a talk during a journey to retrieve the shards of the master emerald. Ian Flynn did a great job IMO at humanizing Knux by having him open up to Amy and talk about the things that trouble him, from Sonic being a teased, to his doubt to whether he is worthy of being the master emerald's guardian... And how Amy not only reminded how despite his mistakes, he never ever gave up. And when their adventure was over and succeded in their mission, Amy gave Knuckles that hug he deserved and needed so badly to make him feel appreciated.

They are all wonderful characters when they are done right, and why it so frustrates me so very much when they mess up with them because people, like the unintelligent mass of meat that they are, will always jump to the laziest and easiest conclussion, which is why they all have been given negative stigmas that have been so hard to shake off.

I really wish that these characters were made not only justice, but also to be handled by competent people that can understand what makes them themselves, who understand how they are suppose to act like and provide something that actually rewards their fans instead of punishing them (I'm looking at you Sonic Forces!). Funny how it's cartoons like Sonic Boom, the very last Archie comics and the IDW comic that has been delivering the things I always wanted while the games struggle and fail to deliver. This is why the idea of the next game worries me because I really don't have much faith in Sonic Team doing anything that has not been done in the last games: Sonic only, Tails's character being further butchered while Amy and Knuckles are glorified extras. How can I even have the least faith in them when their track record speaks so loud and clear? Only way the next game will give this characters the care they deserve is if the story is writen by either Ian Flynn or Tyson Hesse. They're the only ones that deliver what Pontac, that other guy and Sonic Team themselves failed to do.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Miles Tails Prower #Amy Rose #Knuckles the Echidna #Dr. Eggman

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johobi · 7 years

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When You Least Expect It | 04

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung

Word count: 8.6k

Warnings: masturbation mention, angst

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732419/navigate

A/N: This ended up being a 15k chapter but I wanted to keep the chapter sizes under or around 10k if possible, so here is the first part. The second part will be coming forthwith!

Next: 05 || WYLEI Masterlist

You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last-ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

Your hand twitched in your lap under the strain of suppressing a facepalm. “Aren’t we a little old to be playing this game?”

Hoseok scampered over, crouched low, perilously clutching a bottle of vodka and several shot glasses to his chest. Luckily, he managed to reach your group before the evening was ruined by the shattering of glass. “When can you ever be too old to hear your friends’ dirty secrets?” he posed, and you no longer had the power to withhold the inevitability of your hand meeting your face.

“I thought for sure that we already knew each other a little too intimately,” you peeked through your fingers at Yoongi, who, for some reason, was toting one of those expensive-looking crystal decanters and tipping it in your direction with a deliberate wink.

Hoseok followed your gaze to the subject of your shame. “Hey, I told you not to touch that stuff! It’s for special occasions.”

Drunker than he usually allowed himself to get, Yoongi waved the container in front of him as Hoseok advanced on him, withdrawing it cruelly out of reach whenever he stretched for it. “This is a special occasion,” he asserted. “I’m here.”

“Dude, I don’t care how good a friend you are, that stuff costs a bomb and you’re not having any now,” the taller of your two friends put the other in his place. It was always a little jarring when Hobi got serious. Like the sun setting and ushering in a darker unknown, seeing the light disappear from his face would have you scurrying for safety. If Hoseok was angry, upset or disappointed, you sure as hell better hope it wasn’t directed at you. In this case, however, he was more bemused with Yoongi’s defiance than anything. “I’ll bring a little for your party.”

Yoongi forced out his bottom lip into an uncharacteristic pout. Bewilderingly, the expression suited his small, round face a little too well. Dare you say, it was even becoming of him? “Fine.”

Somehow, initially lured by the promise of drinks and a sorely needed group catch-up, you’d been dragged into an ill-advised game of Never Have I Ever. When all of you gathered – even in your rather subdued late-20s – you could expect something memorable to go down. And, cocooned within a tentative tranquillity that you had weaved over the past few days, you didn’t want that endangered. You weren’t here for drama.

You’d been far more restrained with your alcohol consumption than the others so far, though, and you realised how much you’d probably missed during your past episodes of inebriation. Your wasted personality was definitely just an exaggeration of your sober one; not a Jekyll and Hyde type some of your more unassuming friends had mortified you by showcasing.

Guilty of being a flirt even when there was nothing negatively influencing your better judgement, alcohol only amplified that trait to the extent that you basically became a sexual deviant. Not a stranger to dancing on tables and giving whoever was unlucky enough to be sitting there a show of your amateur lap-dancing skills – usually goaded on by the cheers of your shit-faced peers – your inability to limit yourself had gotten you into some rather tricky and, on occasion, shameful situations. It had been a long time since you’d really let yourself go, though, and tonight would be no different. Watching the quirks of your friends’ personalities manifest in ways you’d previously been too impaired to see awarded you joy enough.

Other than the three of you, Taehyung had tagged along too, and in tow, a couple of his own friends. You were surprised he hadn’t brought Tara, but you knew their budding relationship was a big thing for him and that he was probably planning on officially unveiling her at Yoongi’s party. For the sake of safeguarding that precious, fragile stability you had pieced together for yourself, you tried not to dwell on it for long. But you knew that the only reason you weren’t being taunted constantly by visions of Taehyung walking some faceless woman down the aisle was because she was just that; an unknown, intangible. She was still just a concept in your mind, and you were afraid of what the reality would do to you when you were finally forced to confront it next Saturday.

One thing was helping, though. Immensely.

Jungkook.

You still couldn’t believe it, really.

While waiting for Hoseok to set up and for Taehyung to get back from the bathroom, you retrieved your phone from your pocket. You had no new messages, of course – basically everyone who gave you the time of day was in this room with you. But you thumbed affectionately over the last few messages he had sent you, the same quiet smile that lifted your lips settling itself there once more as you read them. Since that sequentially harrowing and then uplifting day at the school, you’d been texting each other on the regular.

[15:34] Jungkook how about this?

[15:34] Jungkook sent an image.

You spent time examining the selfie he’d sent you. Posing in front of a poster for what was obviously a horror film – some slasher, you guessed, from the silent scream emanating from the lead actress’s gaping mouth – Jungkook mimicked her expression, his free hand flat against his cheek in some wide-eyed Edvard Munch tribute. On your first look, you had merely been amused at the lengths he would go to to extract a smile from you, but then it had bloomed into an affected warmth. Everything he said and did was in an attempt to lighten the load of your burdens a little, and it touched you a tad too deep. You didn’t want him to become your pack-horse; you wanted him to enjoy his time with you, too. And, somehow, he was making it easier for you to become a person that was enjoyable to be around. In minute, hesitant steps, but still. Your second date was the day after tomorrow, and averse to the run-up to your first one, you simmered with excitement when you thought about it.

No, the pain hadn’t gotten any easier, but rather than picking at the wound and preventing it from healing, you allowed Jungkook to be the bandage that cushioned against such harm. And, because you couldn’t let yourself live, not even for one second, you felt guilty about that.

He was just a distraction.

As much as you wanted him to become everything to you that Taehyung was, he was just a temporary salve that washed away when you were dragged downstream by the current.

Taehyung always pulled you under.

[15:36] Lmfao, you’re adorable

[15:37] Jungkook i’m not adorable, damnit!! i’m a testosterone-fuelled, hot-blooded man!

You swallowed a snicker. You had a feeling that your age gap made him a little insecure, so you tried to tease him as little as possible. Tried. It was his fault for being cute as fuck.

[15:38] Somehow, you’re both. Good job!

And then he’d sent you something that stirred a feeling in you that had become all-too familiar when attached to Taehyung, but not any other man.

[15:39] Jungkook let me prove it to you someday

Yes, your venture was cautious and new, but you had set the bar with your previous flirting. This had encouraged him into being a little bolder with you. Nothing obscene, nothing even all that overt. But occasionally he sent you messages that hinted at something. And holy shit, it got to you far more than you’d ever expected. Even just the faint promise of it had you fidgeting a little uncomfortably in your seat sometimes.

It had become an altogether terrifying prospect that you may never be attracted to, or aroused by another man until you somehow got over Taehyung. The fact that Jungkook could provoke you in this way was endlessly reassuring, if not a little startling. Thankfully, it was still too early for you to even think about sleeping with him yet – you were determined to take it slow, despite what your body told you – and if things ever went well enough for you to consider acting on your desire, you had ample time to prepare.

[15:41] Maybe, if I’m feeling charitable lol

And that was something he was going to have to get used to – your sometimes overly abrasive wit that was certainly not a defense mechanism in any shape or form. Not at all.

He seemed to sense that about you, though, if his response was any indication. In such a short period of time, too. How?

Jungkook played along.

[15:42] Jungkook yes miss, thank you miss

You had a feeling that such flirtatious back-and-forths were a tribute to the relative safety of distance between you. Jungkook certainly seemed bolstered by it. Because for every dangerous comment you’d levelled at him on your date, face-to-face, he’d been stumped, and more than a little flustered. With a little time and loosening up, what sort of a man would he show himself to be? You bit your lip thinking about it.

“Did your man-shape send you something good?” a sing-song voice rudely interrupted your increasingly indecent thoughts.

You looked up at the guy with lurid red hair. It was Jimin, one of Taehyung’s friends from college and someone you’d had to repeatedly rebuff in the past. Sure, he was hotter than Satan’s favourite beach holiday destination, but you found his personality incredibly lacking. In fact, his dating practices imbued in you as little faith as Taehyung’s, except he was not up front, he strung women along and frequently made booty calls to those who were naïve enough to believe that he would eventually want something more. And that is why you kept well away from that strutting, manspreading catastrophe. “My man-shape?” you clarified, though you supposed Taehyung had told him all about Jungkook. The fact that you were the subject of recent conversation between the two of them made you feel a little uncomfortable – when would Jimin get the hint? No, when would he finally take note of the flashing neon sign above your head that read ‘Hell can freeze over first!’?

“Yeah, your boy-toy. Sexting already?” he smirked, spread out on the couch like he owned the place, one arm slung over the back and his legs spread as wide as his distractingly tight jeans would decently allow him.

“Jesus, Jimin,” you sighed. Every time you uttered his name it was awash in disapproval. “Nosy much? How about I ask you when you last fucked someone? No, wait, don’t answer that,” you added on hurriedly, your frantically waving arms stretching to censor him the wider he opened his mouth. “No, don’t tell me. Please.”

He stuck out his bottom lip in protest but complied. Thankfully, as coarse and lewd as he could be, Jimin could – most of the time – reel himself in when people began to tire of his unseemly conversational topics. Unfortunately, he was still insufferable enough that you wouldn’t consider meeting up with him on your own time, but you were more than happy to hang out with him in the presence of others. Jimin in limited doses could be fun. Somewhere, a small part of you lurched at the thought that he had probably been your ideal type only a few years ago.

Why Hoseok thought it was a good idea to play this game, especially with Jimin present, mystified you. Not only did you basically know everything about each other already, but you were no longer living a transient lifestyle; everyone had remained here with some permanence and if anything embarrassing surfaced tonight, there would be nothing for it but to face an awkward run-in the next day. It was inescapable. And this is why these games were better suited to the temporary shitstorm of student life. Particularly for you, who was probably liable to spill the juiciest secrets of them all.

So, despite feeling the familiar, coaxing warmth of alcohol cladding your veins, you would endeavour to lie at every opportunity. The problem is, you weren’t particularly good at lying, especially when put on the spot. And all the more for being under the sway of Russian spirits.

Mercifully, Jimin’s attentions had been captured by the hushed scolding of the other friend Taehyung had brought with him – a girl you didn’t recognise, and by the way Jimin was being excessively handsy with her in the midst of their playful, charged bickering, you presumed she was his current ‘girlfriend’. Her face was entirely unfamiliar to you, and it surprised you a small amount to see her here at Hoseok’s place, considering Taehyung was your tie, not his. And he had brought with him a chain of friends whose links to Hoseok became weaker the further down the line you went. He didn’t seem to mind, though. Unlike you, Hobi was outgoing and welcoming of fresh blood. He just loved to play host.

Everyone was sitting on the floor in a circle, waiting for Taehyung to return. After several more minutes and jokes exchanged about whether to send in an excavation squad, he finally reappeared and settled himself next to you. Before anyone had a chance to say anything other than a cursory ‘Finally!’, he held up his hand. “Don’t ask, unless you want me to get gross.”

And, yes, it had dawned on you the day after your most opportune reunion with Jungkook and Taehyung’s subsequent suspicious behaviour that the Gods hadn’t smiled upon you at all. No, it had just been him spinning his tricks. From the intrepid misplacement of his phone, to the fastidiously plotted – late – arrival, to the panicked, rushed departing. The fucker had planned it all, despite your obvious discomfort with the entire situation. The anger you had felt initially would have been a damn sight more homicidal if it hadn’t been so dulled by the genuine contentedness your spontaneously set-up date had given you.

When you’d seen Taehyung next, though, you’d immediately tacked him to the wall, finger prodding his chest in accusation. He’d merely stood there, frozen, eyes wide and duly fretful. And he knew damn well it would extinguish your fury. The bear-hug he’d then trapped you in hastened your transformation from vengeful hell-bitch to tender, wilting flower. Muffled pleas for forgiveness had been breathed into your neck and it’d taken the self-control of a saint not to turn your head and swallow his begging with your mouth. Because, fuck, why did he have to get so close all the time, smelling like all your favourite memories and haunts and places in the future only your imagination could take you. It was a good idea to keep him at arms’ length, really, but he caught you off-guard every time, pinning you like the apex predator of maleness he was.

Eventually, you’d bestowed upon him the forgiveness he so desperately sought and thanked him. Because you were truly thankful. Jungkook had deserved that second chance.

Hoseok began to dish out the glasses, filling up your respective cups. Having already plied everyone with drinks since an hour beforehand, needless to say the room was already abuzz with giddy chatter. “Let’s get going, then. I’ll go first. Take a drink if you have done this, remember.”

You leaned back against the front of the sofa opposite the one Jimin and his girl were seated on and pulled your knees to your chest. “We know, Hoseok. I’ve played this game so many times.”

“I know you have,” he tutted, disappointed with your sour attitude. “And I’m sure many of us have, too. But we’ve never played it together, have we?”

Taehyung answered for you, mimicking your posture and raising his knees. “Nope. I was 3 years too late to join in on your antics,” he muttered, an indignant finger hovering between you, Yoongi and Hoseok. “But then again, I was a good boy, so.”

Yoongi almost choked on the beer he’d been chugging. Oh God, you thought to yourself. Yoongi, don’t mix your drinks. “Bullshit. You might not have been drowning in booze in your teenage years, but everyone knows you were drowning in pussy instead. You’re hardly the face of morality.”

The younger brother merely shrugged, unaffected. “True. They all thought I was a good boy, too, though.”

If you’d been drinking, you were sure it would be burning the inside of your nose right now. Instead, you slapped his shoulder lightly in admonishment. The kid was clearly becoming uninhibited. “Kim Taehyung!”

For some reason, Jimin seemed to enjoy goading you. “Things are probably going to get a lot worse than that, ____. Why don’t you drink some more to take the edge off of his PG-13 words?”

The girl thumped him, but you were already glaring at him so hard you saw even his steadfast look of self-congratulation falter a little. There was absolutely no doubt in your mind that you could take that cocky little shit of a man out back and have him begging for mercy within a couple of minutes. “Why don’t you sit on my finger and spin, little boy? You’d probably like that, huh? Don’t talk to me about PG-13.”

An uproarious ‘ooooooooooh!’ rippled throughout your group. “Holy shit,” Yoongi rasped. “Someone Google the nearest burn centre.”

Hoseok was giggling and kicking his feet like an excited child. Jimin, however, stared at you, slack-jawed enough to convey how severely dumbfounded he was. For a brief moment, in the absence of his cocksure smirk, you saw him for what he truly was: a babyfaced man still living out his collegiate fantasy in order to feed his constant need for validation. You felt sorry for him, in that second. That feeling was painfully familiar to you.

But it was Taehyung’s reaction that had you blanching. The blatancy with which you spoke about your sex life was, usually, kept strictly to the trained ears of Yoongi and Hoseok. They had frequently been your drunken comrades-in-arms, afterall. Taehyung, however, had been relatively sheltered from your mountain of sexploits. You protected him from that image of you; didn’t want him to think you were loose, or debauched, or anything else along those lines, even though you knew that he wouldn’t judge you. That it wasn’t shameful to be that way. He, afterall, had been and was still that way. Not quite as wild, you were sure, but nevertheless. And that utterance, just now, was only the tip of the iceberg. He had no fucking idea.

But he was just staring at you. His face, on appearance, blank, but you knew that face, and that everything was somewhat out of place. Eyebrows slightly raised, eyes a little wider, lips incrementally parted. Afraid of what kind of conclusions his brain was coming to, you adopted your first line of defence: savagery. “I’m sorry, Taehyung, have I forever corrupted your innocence? Stop gawping and start drinking.”

Your acidity dissolved the weird tension. He shook his head and huffed resentfully. “Mean.”

Impatient to start, Hoseok clinked his glass against the bottle of vodka. “If any of you are too young, inexperienced or easily frightened, you’re more than welcome to sit out. Now let’s get started! Never Have I Ever,” he paused, scanning the circle. Everyone’s glasses raised expectantly in the air. God, you were going to get so fucking drunk tonight. “Kissed someone of the same gender.”

For some reason, everyone’s eyes flew to you first, and you shrugged and downed your shot. That was something you had absolutely no problem admitting to. You raised your hands in exasperation. “What is this, a 13-year-old’s sleepover? Give me some real questions,” you snickered. But why the fuck did you ever think that provoking the others in the room – particularly Jimin – into asking something far more untoward was a good idea? You groaned inwardly, knowing that your immodesty would only worsen with percentage imbibed.

You watched Yoongi lower his glass, and that didn’t surprise you one bit – he’d never displayed an interest in men, and very few women in general. Even your booze-fuelled fondling had been experimental rather than the culmination of some pent-up sexual frustration. If anything, you suspected he was aromantic, asexual or both.

The aggression with which Jimin slammed his glass on the table had you rolling your eyes. Of course. Such fragile masculinity. “Nope, never,” he commented as casually as possible.

Hoseok’s face had gradually drooped the more people that lowered their drinks. Then, shyly, he took his shot. Yoongi turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, reevaluating him from head-to-toe. “Really? Who? When?”

And that surprised you. Yoongi had never expressed an interest in anyone’s romantic life, even his own. Hoseok seemed giddy with the attention, and that had your eyebrows shooting skywards. Had he set this up to put out some feelers?

The younger of the two cleared his throat, falsifying some projection of nonchalance. “Some guy, and ages ago,” he trivialised the occurrence.

Unbeknownst to the man who was now questioning everything he knew about his best friend, you’d personally witnessed many more such encounters – and several that had progressed quite a bit further – you’d had the misfortune to walk in on when Hoseok had implored you to sneak him into some of the frat parties you’d attended. He wasn’t strictly in the closet or anything, but you knew that he preferred to keep it close to his chest, and for some reason that hadn’t occurred to you until now, away from Yoongi in particular. Had he gotten tired of waiting for him to show some interest? It was strangely reminiscent of your situation with Taehyung.

Interesting.

Taehyung had rested his glass between his legs and was tracing the rim with his finger, waiting for the hubbub to die down. To your great annoyance, Jimin nodded his approval at his friend’s lack of bi-curiosity. God, why was he the epitome of a bro? The girl – Candy, you thought you’d overheard Jimin calling her earlier – also raised her glass and winked in your direction, taking her shot. Failing to surprise you at every predictable, meandering turn, Jimin whooped his encouragement of this revelation. “Candy! Fuck, I’m gonna be thinking about that later,” he dropped brazenly, but everyone seemed to have discarded their reserve by this point and merely emitted a mix of cringe-induced groans and chuckles.

“My turn,” Taehyung piped up, brandishing his glass high. “Never Have I Ever had sex in a public place,” he proposed confidently, like he’d spent some time mulling over what to say.

Again, you and Candy drunk in tandem, pointing at each other a knowing finger. You seemed to be kindred spirits. Jimin and Taehyung also took a shot, and your mind was threatening to run wild with any number of potential scenarios that involved your best friend’s disposition for public indecency.

Yoongi’s glass lay neglected on the floor; apparently keeping it raised was tantamount to too much effort. “Okay, I want examples, please,” his tone not at all becoming of a request and more suspect of fallacy.

Candy and Jimin glanced at each other before the latter bragged. “In a park.”

Taehyung, having always been a lightweight, was resting his head back against the sofa cushions, rolling it from side to side for no apparent reason other than his own amusement. His voice was a lot thicker than normal and fuck if it didn’t sound like his throat was coated with honey. “In the toilets at a concert.”

Longingly, you wanted to envision such a sight. But – and even though it was difficult to contain, the longer the night when on – you would not let yourself do so. You inhaled deeply in preparation to impart your list. “On a beach, in a field, in the woods, in a lecture hall, a supply closet, the back of a car, the back of a motorbike…” you trailed off when all ambient noise ceased entirely. Were you being too honest? “Uh, you get the idea.”

“Fuck,” Jimin whistled. “Shit, you’re wild,” he lauded you openly. His companion didn’t seem at all disgruntled by his appreciative attentions. In fact, she was nodding along with his exhortations. “Alright, my turn. Never Have I Ever,” he dragged out the last word, pinning you with a pointedly salacious gaze. “Masturbated over one of the people in this room.”

The soundtrack from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly may as well have been playing for all the loaded looks that were exchanged. Like cowboys at a saloon showdown, everyone’s eyes flew to one another, some with drinks aloft and precipitously hanging. When the weird tension alone was no longer entertaining enough for Jimin, he took a shot directly and tipped the empty glass towards you, sending you a brazen wink. Your lip curled in disgust and you moved to employ Taehyung as a human shield between yourself and the shameless pervert, but you were halted by the curious hovering of his hand over his planted shot-glass. A tremulous sigh escaped him and in one fluid movement, he downed his drink, as though wanting the offending liquid gone as soon as possible.

This was far more a shocking revelation than Jimin, who seemed irritated that Taehyung’s admission had stoked the fires of enthusiasm in the group. Yoongi was the first to spring to life. And that in itself was weird, because he was usually the last person to give a shit about such frivolity. “I swear to God, if it’s me, I’m murdering you.”

Taehyung’s hair fell over his eyes when he raised his head to look at him. “Very funny, hyung.”

But he wouldn’t elaborate further, and your heart began to hammer against your ribcage. Inwardly you took a roll call, your eyes drifting between people. Was it Hoseok or Jimin? Was that why he seemed so reluctant to admit it? Or perhaps it was Candy? If she was currently engaged elsewhere, that would also explain his hesitation.

An angel of mercy appeared to tease the truth from him. “Well, who is it, then?” Jimin sneered. Alright, perhaps not an angel. One of Satan’s earthbound minions.

Taehyung didn’t seem particularly annoyed with being pushed on it; afterall, he could have lied without anyone calling him out. He slumped back again to stare up at the off-white ceiling, before a gentle loll of his head had him facing you directly and with what you can only describe as a mischievous grin rounding the edges of his angular mouth. Your blood ran cold. “____.”

“What the fuck?” you gasped near inaudibly, glancing in alarm around the circle, as though you could glean an inkling from their faces that this was some sick prank. But rather than sit there, as blank and unresponsive as you were, people were up in arms, roaring their delight. In the commotion, no-one seemed to notice the way you had drained of colour, nor hear the thunderous pounding of your heart, so loud in your ears you were sure it would deafen you.

Taehyung had been watching, though, and he patted your thigh as if to soothe you. “I’m sorry for ruining the sanctity of our childhood, noona,” he grinned impishly. Clearly, this wasn’t anywhere near the calamitous deal to him that it was to you. “In my defense, I was a teenager, and when you hit puberty you turned into this hot, older girl right before my eyes. I was into older girls for a while because of that,” he elaborated to the group, and Jimin nodded sympathetically, as though both were attendants of some support group and had experienced a shared pain.

You knew that it shouldn’t have meant anything. That the moment had long gone; been buried beneath years of many other girls and women much prettier, much more interesting than you. To be the muse of a teenage boy’s masturbation fantasy was as fleeting as the length of time it took for them to bring themselves to completion.

And yet.

And yet, there had been some acknowledgement, some time, somehow, that you had been desirable in his eyes. He’d seen you as a woman; not just as a sister, not just as some amorphous blob. A woman. And that accompanying word, having itself rolled off his own tongue, an actual cherry on top: hot. He’d thought you were hot.

You briefly recalled the sight of your ghastly reflection from an earlier bathroom trip. Taehyung almost certainly didn’t regard you as such anymore, but it had been a reality at one point. Perhaps, if you worked on yourself, you could conjure it back. What would you have to do? Lose a little weight, put more effort into your appearance?

The ice in your veins melted and allowed your blood to flow once more, searing you with possibilities. The tumultuous excitement in your stomach should have been shameful, improper – you had Jungkook to think about now, and yet, and yet you were still only one date and a few minor flirtations in, you could cut him off quickly without harming him too much more, and—

Stop, you hissed inwardly. You’re a fucking disgrace.

The power he had over you was truly formidable. How could you ever mistake the lightness in your step of late as being a sign of you finally overcoming this? If he even so much as looked in your direction you would crawl over hot coals to reach him.

You saw it in his eyes. The calm, casual way he still regarded you, as if he hadn’t just shattered your carefully constructed barriers into heart-rending fragments. You had to get out of there.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” you mumbled, tripping over yourself in your haste.

“Wait,” Jimin called after you, and you repressed the urge to strangle him before turning to him, palms spread and expecting some infuriating jibe.

“What?”

“You’re avoiding the game,” he smirked, looking as pleased as punch. And that’s what he would be getting very, very soon.

You could have walked away. You could have walked away from this game from the beginning. But you were irate and not thinking straight and you wanted to affect Taehyung in some way, any way, even if it was just to make him regret such a barefaced confession. So you stalked toward him and picked up your glass, eyeing him meaningfully before throwing the liquid to the back of your throat and tossing the empty vessel to the couch. Wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as he gawked at you, bewildered, you sauntered away looking far more of a badass than you felt.

Because when you got to the bathroom and closed the door, you slid down its surface to the floor and began to shake, your shoulders heaving with every great, silent gasp of air you desperately drew in to prevent your panic from spiralling out of control.

This is how it would always be.

You progress around the board, you make some headway in life, you land on a Chance and you stupidly take it, every single fucking time, because you can’t not know what is under that card.

You pray that it’s Boardwalk, but you go straight to jail.

Or, more aptly, purgatory. Repeatedly.

Nothing about this situation was healthy or sane, and now Jungkook’s tender feelings were embroiled. You could no longer serve yourself so selfishly without hurting others. And that is what prompted you to, finally, take out your phone. With trembling fingers and a tear-smeared screen, you texted Hoseok.

[22:13] I’m so sorry to ask this of you. I don’t want to ruin your night, but I have something really important that I need to talk to you about ASAP.

[22:14] Would you mind taking me home? I can’t stay here any longer.

You heard the chime of his phone distantly. It was hard to stay strong, when you could feel the resurgence of your unrequited feelings crushing your lungs, but what was almost unbearable was the shame of dragging others into your mess.

[22:15] Hoseok Of course! Are you okay? What’s going on? Are you in the bathroom still?

[22:15] Yes, I’m here, and I’m hiding. I’ll tell you why soon. I can’t come out yet, I feel and look like an idiot.

A few seconds after your text, you heard the scrape of muffled movement and your head snapped up in panic. He wasn’t sending them home, was he?

[22:16] Hoseok-ah! I’ll leave, don’t tell them to go on my account! Oh God

Murmurings unmistakeably confused and reluctant in tone met your ears when you pressed one to the door.

[22:17] Hoseok I’m getting tired as it is, so don’t beat yourself up about it. I got what I wanted out of the night.

You groaned and pressed your face to your knees, sandwiching your nose between them, hoping they would swallow you up into obscurity. When the sounds from outside abated, though, you were granted no such wish. Instead, with a sudden yank of the door behind you, you fell backwards and hit your head on the floor, squinting as artificial light assaulted your eyes. “Oh, fuck,” you muttered, rubbing the crown of your head.

Hoseok peered down at you, eyebrows raised as far as they could possibly go, his expression so intensely concerned you wanted to comfort him. “____. Jesus, are you okay? What’s going on with you?”

Bracing his hands under your armpits, he dragged you into standing and you leaned against him, his warm, platonic love enveloping you in the form of his cashmere-clad arms.

And that was it.

You just.

Let.

Go.

You sobbed, and sobbed, and when he hushed you gently and manoeuvred you backwards, still face-deep in his chest, you sobbed, both of you stumbling occasionally in the conjoined efforts of two people possessing impaired motor skills. The backs of your knees eventually hit the couch and you crumpled, still clinging to him, into its plushness, and he didn’t yield, not for one second. He must have been able to tell how much you needed him in that moment.

God, it had been so long since someone had just held you, romantic or otherwise. You’d basically been sub-human and shunning any prolonged contact for a spectre of love that you were sure would haunt you to your grave. “Hoseok,” you sobbed, and you couldn’t get out much more than that.

Ever so gently, he rubbed the span of your back, equal parts to comfort and encourage you. “I’m here, ____,” and when you didn’t say anything else, he took it upon himself to relieve you of your pain without you having to open your mouth and form the excruciating words. “Is this the culmination of the last few months?”

“Y-Yes,” you sniffled, an ugly wail swallowing any further explanation.

His voice was kind, patient. “Have you been holding this in all this time?”

“Yes,” you repeated lamely, but this in itself was a miracle – your verbal confirmation of these feelings were solidifying them into concrete, tangible problems that you could potentially fight. And, now, you wouldn’t have to battle them alone.

He sighed, then, and you stiffened, because you were so afraid of rejection in any form now that you thought it possible that even one of your dearest friends would become sick of your antics and disown you. You began to tremble, and he squeezed you closer; uncomfortably tight if you liked breathing, perfectly tight if you wanted to feel as though you had returned to the safe recesses of the womb. “You can shoot me down if you like, but please don’t lie to me if it’s the truth,” he mumbled into your shoulder, and you gulped. “Is this about Taehyung?”

For the third and final time, you exhaled your answer with all the relief of having a splinter extracted. “Yes.”

Hoseok nodded, but didn’t move, or say anything further. Instead, he allowed you to cry out the last of your bountiful supply of tears and only then, when you pulled away, snotty strings snapping upon the absence of your nose from his sweater, did he say anything. Of course, his first words were calculated to put you at ease. He looked down at the impressively large, damp stain you had left in your wake. “I’d recommend consulting an ENT doctor.”

You couldn’t help yourself; you laughed, your eyes still red and shining. But just the knowledge that you were no longer alone in this struggle, that it didn’t have to be contained to the self-destruction of your own inner prejudices, but could be scrutinised with objectivity and lucidity; you already felt tonnes lighter. “I’m sorry about your sweater. I promise, I’ll get you another like it.”

He futilely wiped at your endlessly gushing waterworks before handing you a box of tissues from the coffee table. “None of that. So,” he prodded gently, lowering his head to catch your downcast eyes. “Do you want to talk, or should I ask?”

Talking plainly about it was still too hard. You took the coward’s route. “I’m sorry to make you work for something you don’t even want to hear, but it would be easier if you ask me about it. My thoughts are a mess.”

Hoseok snatched the Kleenexes away from you when all you did with them was tear them apart between your fingers. That drew your gaze to him and he pinned you with one of reproach. “Stop. Beating. Yourself. Up,” he punctuated each word with a tissued dab at your face. He cupped it around the end of your nose and, like a parent kneeling before their leaking child, commanded you: “Blow.”

That roused you a little. You shirked away in embarrassment. “Oh my God, no. I can blow my own nose,” you sniffed indignantly, though the validity of your assertion was nullified in large part by the sodden patch on his sweater that he pointed to in reminder. You smiled again and thwapped him, but he seemed beguilingly happy by your response.

“I’m glad to see you smile. Let’s sort out your little problem then, shall we?” he proposed, and you sighed.

“It’s hardly a little problem.”

“It will be when we tackle it together,” Hoseok said confidently, and you almost believed him. “I don’t know what’s going on, exactly, but you got upset when Taehyung admitted to being a gross little shit. I’m guessing it goes deeper than that, though?”

You shuddered at the memory of the playfulness in his eyes as he had said it. “Yes. Actually,” you sat up a little, peaked by your own interest. “Have you ever, I don’t know, sensed anything from me? About Taehyung?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific than that,” he pressed gently, reclining in the space Jimin had so grossly been taking up prior. “What do you mean?”

Words were hard. “Did you ever get the impression that I was, uh, into him? Like, something I said, or did?”

Hoseok let his head rest on the back of the sofa as he considered your question. Then, he shook his head minutely. “Not really. I mean, you’ve always been affectionate with each other, and your chemistry has always been relaxed. Like, never forced, or tense, or anything like that.”

You brightened with this heartening piece of information. “Oh, I’m so glad. God, I was worried I’d been way too obvious. I mean, when you asked me about Taehyung, I started panicking that it was as plain as day to everyone, and I was the only one pretending.”

Hoseok tugged you to into a more comfortable position with him, and threw his arm around your shoulders to pull you close. “So you have a thing for him? Is that why you got upset? I thought, perhaps, because you’ve been pretty down lately, that – I don’t know, that perhaps the fact that your perfect best friend was just a dirty little pervert like the rest of us men made you feel – I don’t know, I’m grasping at straws here – betrayed, or unsafe, or, I don’t know. That’s about 5 minutes worth of frantic guessing, right there,” he rambled, and although you understood his line of thinking, you wished it was as superficial as that. “I thought this breakdown was more to do with, honestly, the outcome of my over-working you,” he muttered, and you felt the barbed sting of guilt. All you ever did was make him worry. “You’ve been suffering, you’ve been struggling, and I’ve only piled more on top of you.”

You cut off any further musings of his accountability by choking him a hug, silencing him with the pressure of your arms around his neck. “Stop. Don’t you dare think this is anything to do with you. It’s not, and it never has been.”

Hoseok sighed again, and, oh, what you would do not to hear him make such an unhappy sound. It was agonising. “Still, if you’ve been suffering for so long, I’m sad that you didn’t feel like you could come to me sooner. I feel like I’ve failed yo—“

You held a finger to his mouth and if that hadn’t muzzled him, the seething glare you watched him wilt under did. “Don’t be fucking stupid, Hoseok. You’re not the problem here, it’s very clearly me. I’ve never been one to speak openly about how I’m feeling. You should know that well. And, seeing as I show more of myself to you than anyone else, you should also know that you are, honestly, the only person I would ever come to with something like this. It has taken me reaching breaking point to finally come clean about it.”

“But why did it take for you to get to that stage?” his forehead creased in confusion. “It’s difficult to talk about, yes, but why wait until you hit the bottom before you seek help?”

“Because it’s not that I merely have a crush on Taehyung, Hoseok, I –“ you stopped to gather your thoughts into one concise statement. “I love him.”

His eyes widened almost comically. “You love him? You don’t just have some crush on him?”

“No,” you breathed, slumping into the cushions. “I’ve loved him for fucking ages. It’s slowly been driving me mad, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought – foolishly – that getting back into dating would help, and, well – it did. Kind of,” you stumbled through your words, slapping the sofa in frustration. “I like Jungkook, I really do. He’s great, and every time I doubt that there’s something there, he does something that shows me that there might be. But it’s still very early days, and I— this infatuation, or whatever it is, it’s impossible to fight most days. But especially when Taehyung says or does something that gives my pathetic hopes something to cling to. What he said tonight, well, that was the one thing that I had always protected myself with – the idea that he’d never been attracted to me. And now, well, my mind’s having a field day.”

Hoseok leaned forward, elbows steadied on his knees, a hand cupping his chin in thought. He looked most astute like this. “I see,” he muttered, his vision unfocused and clearly elsewhere. What was he seeing? A solution?

“What do I do?” you whined, stamping your feet. “Can you see my dilemma, though? Don’t tell me to confess to him, because he’s in too deep with Tara now, and even if he weren’t, he’s never expressed to me any desire to date me. And because of that, I won’t do it. I value him, my friend, far more than I value my own skewed desires.”

He bobbed his head in agreement vacantly. “No, I wasn’t going to suggest that. I agree that it could ruin things between you. I think you’re going about it the right way, to be honest – Jungkook sounds promising. Yeah, Tae throws you a curveball every now and then, but this new guy has distracted you from him pretty successfully, right?”

“Yeah,” you relented, watching the way his mouth curved sweetly when he was contemplative. “But I always go back to him. Always.”

“In that case,” Hoseok turned to you and applied a gentle pressure to your knee as though to prepare you. “I think it would be best if you distance yourself from Tae for a while and focus purely on Jungkook. I know you’ll have to see him at the party, but keep your interactions minimal for a while until you can really allow the new guy to make an impression. Hopefully, a good one.”

Honestly, you’d considered this option a few times in the past, but Taehyung was insidious. He was clingy and needy when it came to your friendship; it certainly wasn’t one of those ones where you questioned whether you were the only person in it. He was always proactive in contacting and arranging things with you, and when you’d tried to limit your time with him he’d only become more insistent, and you could hardly explain to him just why you were withdrawing from him.

This time, though, you had Jungkook. Hell yes you were placing far too much responsibility on the poor guy’s unknowing shoulders, but keeping him in the dark about it would prevent your mess from becoming his burden. This knowledge was a comfort, a stabilizer, just for you, to keep you afloat. “What if he texts me, what if he calls me? What if he just shows up without explanation? He will, you know. He does that.”

“Reply to his texts sparingly and pick up the odd call on occasion. Don’t make it seem like you’re cutting him out, just that you’re incredibly busy. Your finals are in, like, 3 weeks, aren’t they? Use that as an excuse. By then, perhaps you’ll have made some headway with Jungkook.”

“And what if Jungkook isn’t what I’m looking for? What if it’s hopeless?” you hugged a cushion to your stomach and curled over it, the black cloud looming.

Hoseok seemed to notice the shift in your state. “Don’t catastrophise,” he emphasised the last word. “I know what you’re like. Let’s try this first, and think of something if that comes to be. Okay? You have me to talk to about this, now, so don’t you dare go digging yourself into a pit again before you ask me for help.”

You stuck out your bottom lip in some ineffective attempt to stem the batch of fresh tears brimming your eyes, because you were just so fucking touched by how much he cared about you, even though you never let him in, never came to him with anything. He made you feel strong for doing this, not weak. “I love you so much,” you blubbed, and he crushed you to him again, your face squished unpleasantly to your earlier display of upset. “Thank you, Hobi.”

“Don’t even m—“

The pocket of your jeans vibrated and the two of you exchanged a look. You both knew who it would be. Now that you thought about it, you’d probably left him feeling rather disconcerted after your last interaction. Hopefully he would write it off as you being drunk and a little disgruntled rather than actual disclosure of who you thought about when you fingered yourself.

“Go ahead and read it,” Hoseok nodded for you to proceed. “We’ll figure out what to do.”

You clicked on your phone and looked at the top-most notification.

[22:53] Taehyung Noona, if I made you angry, I’m sorry. I was drunk and not thinking straight.

Another message came through while you were reading.

[22:55] Taehyung I just wanted to let you know that whatever I did back then, it meant nothing, and it never changed how much I respect you and look up to you.

Your stomach turned sickeningly. It meant nothing. You’d just made an unexpected appearance amidst his usual jack-off fodder. He was trying to comfort you, and any sane person would recognise and appreciate that. For you, however, his words only wounded you deeper.

[22:56] Taehyung I was just a stupid kid back then, and clearly alcohol helps me regress to that. I don’t think of you that way anymore, and I haven’t for a long time. I just wanted to reassure you. I don’t want things to become weird between us.

Of course it was impossible that he could find anything in you attractive now. The older you got, the more invisible you became.

[22:56] Taehyung I love you, ____, you’re the most important person in my life. And I’m sorry.

If you had been on the verge of evacuating the contents of your stomach before, you were now just one hastily-slapped-hand-over-your-mouth away from ruining Hoseok’s carpet. If the intent had just been a little different—

Hobi snatched your phone from you and marched you immediately to the bathroom. Thankfully, just in time. Ever the long-suffering, dutiful friend, he held your hair aside as you hurled this evening’s mistakes into the toilet bowl.

During one of your pained, rasping intervals, you noticed him scrolling through the messages Taehyung had sent you

“He’s saying everything wrong,” Hoseok muttered, his brows pulled down in frustration. “God, he’s so oblivious.”

Your phone buzzed in his hand and you looked up, both dreading and eager to hear what he had to say next.

Against your expectations, though, a smile lit up Hobi’s face. Just seeing that lifted your weary spirits a little. “What?”

“It’s Jungkook,” he chuckled, turning the screen to you.

[23:08] Jungkook i just woke up from the worst sleep ever and you were the first thing i thought of

[23:09] Jungkook this is creepy and far too late to send but i have anyway

[23:09] Jungkook just want you to know i’m thinking about you

Somehow, his texts dulled the sour taste on your tongue. Hoseok watched you intently, and you knew he would be pleased by what he was seeing. Every subsequent message pulled your smile a little higher, made your eyes shine a little brighter. And still, they kept coming.

[23:10] Jungkook not in a dirty way

[23:10] Jungkook oh god i’m making this worse

[23:10] Jungkook hopefully you’re drunk and delete these texts by accident

Sure enough, you were giggling at his adorable buffoonery, headache and burning throat forgotten. Hoseok gained confidence in your joint plan of action. “I’m sure things will work out,” he framed it as a statement, not a meagre hope. “Give Jungkook a chance, try and focus purely on him.”

The necessity of equilibrating your yo-yoing mental health had you agreeing resolutely. “I will. Let me just text Tae so he doesn’t worry,” you mumbled thickly, and Hoseok raised a suspicious brow at you.

“I’ll do it,” he informed you, and you knew there was no room for argument. You watched quietly as he tapped in a very brief response to Taehyung’s heartfelt apology and handed your phone back to you.

[23:14] It’s fine, I’m not mad. See you soon.

The curtness made you wince. “He’ll think I am mad,” you were convinced.

“No, he won’t. He’ll ask me when he sees me tomorrow how you were, I’m sure, and I’ll tell him you went home smiling. Okay?”

That satisfied you somewhat. “Alright. Thank you, again.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t be silly. Now, don’t leave your new man on read this time, yeah?”

A noise of agreement sounded in your throat and you stewed over how to respond to his sweet messages. You had to tease him, of course.

[23:16] I am drunk, and I re-read these texts many times on purpose. Just to commit them to memory, so I can torment you about them forever.

Next: 05 || WYLEI Masterlist

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omicuddler · 7 years

Text

Clouds and Cafes- Bucky Barnes

Young!Bucky Barnes x Reader AU

Summary: You have been keeping an eye on a certain Mister Barnes over the years, ever since you met in high school. Unbeknownst to you, you have fallen head over heels in love with him. But, does he feel the same?

Soundtrack

Warnings: floooof

WC: 3,472

AN: I’m such a stan for Bucky, okay? I feel like I’m gonna write him the most because he is absolutely precious and I love him to death

Masterlist

credit to @minmiin1d for the gif, absolutely lovely

“James! James stop!”, you laughed while trying to escape his tickling gasp. The two of you were laughing, yelling, and having a ball. Your face radiated absolute joy, and James mirrored your joy.

“I’m gonna get you, (Y/N), and I will tickle you senseless”, he laughed alongside you, chasing you around the yard, basking in the sun and the sound of you laughs bouncing off of the walls.

I have a question It might seem strange

You stopped in your tracks and looked over at the young, charming man, “Is that a threat, Mr. Barnes?”, you asked with a sly smile playing on your lips. You stood with your hands on your skirt, twirling it softly side to side.

“I don’t know, Miss (Y/L/N), you tell me,”, he said with a smirk on his lips coming closer to you. You could see a devilish look in his eyes and your eyes widened in the realization that he completely planned on tickling you senseless.

You quickly turned and ran, laughing as you went along, only to feel strong arms lift you up off of the ground. You screamed and laughed in delight.

“Put me down, James!!”, you screamed, not really meaning what you said, “Put me down or so help me!”.

Bucky just spun you around while still in his arms, making you laugh and get dizzy at the same time. Bucky just laughed at you, smiling like a giddy little schoolboy.

He slowly stopped spinning you and set you down gently on the grass, turning you to face him.

“I caught you, doll.”, he said while smirking lightly, his icy blue eyes meeting yours.

“You most certainly did, James.”, you whispered, your eyes never leaving his. The both of you just stood there, you in Bucky’s arms.

The both of you realized the position you were in and quickly separated, you blushing like a tomato and Bucky laughing at your reaction.

Before you could get too far, you felt a hand grab and tug you to the ground. You laughed as you collapsed on top of Bucky, the both of you now lying on the ground.

Your chests were heaving with heavy breaths and laughs, trying to calm yourselves after the fun you just had.

How are your lungs?

Are they in pain?

“How many time do I gotta tell ya, doll? Just call me Bucky.”, he said with a light chuckle, wrapping his arm around you.

You placed your head on his chest. You could hear his steady heartbeat, and you could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest. You laughed and absolutely melted into him when you felt his chuckle reverberate through his chest.

“You and I both know that I love your name, James.”, you said with a small sigh, “But I can get used to Bucky”

You heard Bucky let out a hearty laugh and he slowly moved so that he can get a good look at you.

“Oh, what will I do without you, doll?”, he asked with a laugh chuckle. He shook his head lightly and looked up at the clouds, just like the two of you would do when you were children.

You lied down completely and looked up at the sky beside him. The both of you were stealing glances at each other when you weren’t looking.

“That one looks like a cat playing with a ball of yarn,”, you commented while pointing up at the cloud although you knew Bucky would still miss it anyways.

You could practically hear the gears turning in Bucky’s head as he tried to find the cloud, and find out how in the world you saw what you did. You heard him sigh and look at you, “You have the wildest imagination on this street, (Y/N).”

You simply shrugged and smiled as you continue to point up at different clouds and confine them to your artistic labels.

Suddenly, out of the blue, you hear Bucky pipe up, “That’s what I love about you, (Y/N).”, you blushed wildly at this and turned to look at him only to see that he was already gazing at you, “Never change, darling. Not for anyone, you’re perfect no matter what anyone else tells you.”

You simply blushed even more and averted your eyes from his gentle, yet piercing, gaze. You felt a soft hand cup your face and slowly lift it so that you were eye to eye with the charmer once more, “And if anyone tells you differently, you tell me so I can go help them with their eyesight.”

‘Cause mine are aching Think I know why

You chuckled lightly before placing your head on Bucky’s chest once more, his arm instinctively wrapping around you again, “Oh, Bucky… you are too sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have a charming man like you.”, you said with your voice barely above a whisper, yet you could tell the Bucky heard every word.

The two of you just lay there, watching the clouds move and change shape, watching the sky slowly change color. It wasn’t too long until you heard your mom calling you from a few houses down.

You slowly sat you and you felt Bucky climb up to his feet. He offered a hand to help you up and you took it. He gently helped you to your feet and just held the both of your hands in his, your foreheads touching.

“(Y/N), you are just something else… you’re like a force to be reckoned with”, he whispered, gently rocking side to side.

Your breath hitched quietly as you took in what he said, “Well, make sure you don’t get battered and bruised”, you replied quietly.

The both of you chuckled as you quietly swayed side to side. You heard your mother call again, and you didn’t want to keep her waiting. The both of you separated and just stood there.

“Well… I have to… I have to go,”, you said while gesturing to the houses down the street. You waved quickly before turning and heading on your way. You heard some steps running after you and you looked over your shoulder to see Bucky running after you.

“At least let me walk you home, it’s getting late.”, he said quickly and panting a little.

You just rolled your eyes and laughed, “What happened to ‘a force to be reckoned with’?”.

You saw him break into a smile as he shoved his hands into his pockets and the both of you slowly made your way down the street, bantering along the way.

I kinda like it, though You wanna try?

2 years later

“…and that’s how you use limit and continuity at point A to help find the derivative!”, you finally finished explaining a relatively simple calculus concept to Bucky.

You looked at Bucky to see him gazing at your paper with a blank stare and his mouth agape. You shook your head and chuckled at him, “Close your mouth or you’ll catch flies, Barnes.”

He shook his head and snapped out of his trance and looked at you in shock, “How did you even do that?”

You just cupped his face gently and looked at him compassionately, “Oh, Bucky, you’re just so precious sometimes is honestly adorable.”

Bucky gently swatted your hand away from his face and a smile graced his lips, “Just because I called you a force to be reckoned with that one time years ago doesn’t give you the right to patronize me over a math problem, doll.”

You just rolled your eyes and gently pushed Bucky with your hand. In response, he just wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on the top of your head.

You snuggled into the warmth of his embrace, breathing in him, which happened to be a mix of his clean shirt, a slight hint of pepper, and his cologne.

Oh, would you be So kind As to fall in love with me, you see

You sighed as you pulled away, “We gotta focus, Buck. Our test is tomorrow and I don’t want to fail.”

Bucky nodded, slightly disappointed that he couldn’t hold you in his arms for just a bit longer. He watched you get back into the work, explaining the equations and how to properly apply them. You were immensely beautiful when he caught you in this state.

Strands of hair fell into your vision, to which you gently brushed them back in place behind your ear. You were vividly explaining the concepts, turning to him occasionally to make sure that he was keeping up with you, which he wasn’t. You began to make hand gestures and Bucky couldn’t help but smile.

“You look beautiful, doll”, he said with a smirk playing on his lips and a gleam in his eyes that you couldn’t decipher.

“And so then using the sum and difference equations- wait what?”, you said finally processing what he just said, “Buck we have to focus.”, you said with a nervous laugh. Blood rushed to your face as your checks blushed a light pink and you turned to avoid his gaze.

“You just apply the formulas and plug the numbers into them to find the x-value so that you can find the derivative at x,”, Bucky finished your statement, leaving you in a slight state of surprise.

“Yes…”, you whispered looking at him with curiosity, awe, and something that Bucky couldn’t figure out.

Bucky blushed slightly and took your hands in his, “(Y/N), I’m smarter than you give me credit for”, he said with a dazzling smile, “I just wanted to study for this test with you.”

You looked at him quizzically, “Wh-why me? I understand that we’re friends and all but…”, saying that made your heart ache. You and Bucky were friends, and have been for a while. But it just didn’t feel right. You felt like there was something more to be discovered. Friends just didn’t quite fit.

“I’m definitely not the smartest in the class, and statistically if you want a good grade then…”, you just began to ramble out of nervousness.

“(Y/N), do I always have to come up with reasons to hang out with you?”, Bucky said with a smirk. He quietly directed you to meet his gentle gaze that was filled with longing, “And besides, you are too humble. You are most definitely the smartest in our class because you’re a force to be reckoned with.”, he said bringing back the motif that you haven’t heard in such a long time.

I’m trying I know you know that I like you

You met his gaze and laughed, “You’re such the smooth talker, James.”, you purred quietly.

It sent shivers down his spine.

Bucky didn’t know how to respond so he just flashed your signature smile and gently shut the textbook in your lap, “What do ya say we go and take a stroll into town? Maybe stop by Joe’s Cafe and has a shake?”

You were a bit shocked. Was Bucky asking you out on a date? That shouldn’t be possible as he only liked you as a friend. So you just smiled and nodded.

You stood up, placing the book into your bag and gathering all the materials that were haphazardly scattered across the tables.

“Let me- uh… can I-… I need to…”, you struggled to get the words together, embarrassing yourself and blushing even more than you already were.

Bucky picked up on his and chuckled, helping you get your papers together, “I’ll pick you up in an hour?”, he asked with a cocked eyebrow and an unsure look on his face.

You instantly relaxed and your face lit up, “That would be great! I’ll see you in an hour, Bucky!”, you said while taking the papers from him and gently placing them in your bag.

You waved and walked out the door. Just as soon as you were out of his sights, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and you did an excited twirl, your skirt extending like a flower.

But that’s not enough So if you will Please fall in love

You couldn’t stop smiling as you ran out the doors and ran home to get ready for your outing with Bucky Barnes.

You practically sprinted to your room, not even saying hello to your mother. You raced up the stairs and into your room, slamming the door unintentionally and ripping open your closet in search of the perfect outfit.

By the time you went through every item of clothing in your closet, you came across the more beautiful dress. You couldn’t remember the last time you wore it. It was a gift from your father before he was shipped off to Europe with the army to help fight the war.

You let out a small sigh and gently lifted the dress out of the box. It was a baby blue dress with delicate and intricate details in the skirt and the bodice. It fell naturally around your knees, and with your petticoat on it made you feel like a princess.

You slipped on your Oxford’s and quickly dabbed on your favorite red lipstick. You looked at yourself in the mirror, giving a test twirl and smiling when you heard the familiar sound of an engine pulling into the driveway.

Anticipation and butterflies filled your stomach as you quickly pinned your hair into victory rolls and spraying a spritz of hairspray to keep it place. By the time you sprayed some of your favorite perfume onto your neck and wrists, you heard a soft knock on the door.

I think it’s only fair There’s gotta be some butterflies somewhere, wanna share? 'Cause I like you

“(Y/N), sweetie,”, your mother called from outside the room, “James is here.”

You smiled and opened the door to see your mother looking down the hall. When she turned her attention to you, she gasped, “My darling (Y/N), you look so grown up!”, she said. You could see tears forming in her eyes.

“You’re such a beautiful young lady…”, she said trying not to cry and spoil your night.

You gently embrace your mother and whisper in her ear, “But I’ll always be your little girl, Ma.”

The both of you pulled away and she smiled at you. She beckoned you toward the stairs with her head and you made your way down.

You saw Bucky dressed in a shirt and his favorite leather jacket. He was admiring the paintings you had around the house, and he didn’t hear you come down the stairs until the soles of your shoes made contact with the hardwood floor of the foyer. He immediately turned around and was shocked.

You looked absolutely beautiful.

The dress hugged your frame and opened up at the bottom. Your hair was delicately put together, and a few strands fell out of the ‘do and framed your face perfectly. Your face looked so elegant and full of youth. Your red lips beckoning his.

He was so entranced by you that he didn’t notice that he was staring with his mouth wide open, making you blush and giggle.

“Close your mouth, James, or you’ll catch flies,”, you said quietly, teasing him.

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “You look beautiful, darling. Absolutely beautiful.”, he said smiling sheepishly at you.

You smiled and did a little twirl in front of him, making him smile and let out a hearty laugh.

“Shall we?”, he said while opening the door for you.

But that’s not enough So if you will Please fall in love with me

You nodded and headed out of the house. You overheard your mother saying something to him and in return his reply, “I’ll have her back home by 9:30, Mrs. (L/N).

You walked over to his car and before you can open the door, Bucky ran over to your side and opened it for you.

You chuckled at his extensive effort and got into the passenger’s seat, allowing him to close the door. He jogged over to the driver’s side and got into the car.

He started the car and looked over at you with a smirk, “Ready to go, doll?”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, giving Bucky the only answer he needed before he pulled out of the driveway and racing down the street. The sounds of the engine and your laugh echoing off of the houses.

Bucky pulled into the driveway of Joe’s Cafe and he practically scrambled out of his car to open the door for you again. He offered his hand to help you out, “My darling…”

You shook your head and let out a laugh, “Always the gentleman, Bucky.”

You saw him blush for a second before he closed the door behind you and offered his arm. You gladly took it, allowing him to lead you inside. The both of you slid into a booth and it didn’t take too long for someone to come by and grab your order.

“Let me get it…”, you quickly said while rummaging through your purse.

“No allow me,”, he said while telling the waitress your order, “Please let me pay.”

You sighed and allowed him to order. You looked at him quizzically as he was examining the surroundings with a look in his eyes you could only describe as love.

You saw him eyeing something and you followed his gaze until your eyes fell on the object that he had been eyeing: a jukebox.

Bucky looked at you and you saw a mischevious look in his eyes. Before you could even start to protest, he grabbed your arm and pulled you onto the dance floor. He just put up his hand for a brief moment as he went to pull up a different song that you both could dance to.

After the whirring of the machine switching records, a familiar chord began to play

You began to blush as Bucky made his way back to you. He did a slight bow, making you blush. He extended his hand, “May I have this dance?”

You took his hand and he gently laid his other hand on your waist, the gesture sending shivers up your spine.

The both of you stood there, gently swaying to the music and the piano in the background. After what seems like an eternity, you gaze into Bucky’s eyes.

“(Y/N), do you know why I chose this song?”, he asked quietly under his breath, but he knew you heard him as clear as a bell.

“Because you know my love for Nat King Cole,”, you replied, which elicited a deep chuckle from Bucky.

“That, and also because it is true…”, he said quietly.

You stopped swaying and took the moment to truly look at the man in front of you.

James Buchanan Barnes.

He loved you?

“This isn’t some cruel trick you’re playing on me… is it?”, you asked, not believing your ears.

Bucky looked at you like you were crazy.

“Of course not, doll! Why would I ever lie to you? When have I ever lied to you?”, he asked while gently tracing the outline of your face with his hand. You practically melted into his touch.

To this, Bucky pulled you in even closer. Your head was resting on his chest, and you can hear his heartbeat going a hundred miles an hour.

“(Y/N), doll, I love you. And I have ever since I first laid eyes on you.”, he said while directing your gaze to meet his.

“I love you too, James”, you said with your breath hitched in your throat.

Bucky’s face lit up, his eyes filled with love and longing. You saw his eyes briefly flicker to your lips.

And as the last words were sung,

And I’ve given you my heart

Bucky asks, “May I?”, while flickering back to your lips again.

You nodded and as your lips connected, everything fit. The pieces connected and fireworks went off in your head. It felt as if all time had stopped, and it wasn’t going anywhere as long as you have Bucky and he had you.

So if you will Please fall in love with me

The both of you separated after a few seconds as the song finally came to an end. The both of you rested your foreheads together and just breathed.

“I love you, (Y/N) (L/N). I love all of you and I will always love you, my little force.”

“And I will always love you, James Barnes, and I’ll try not to bruise and batter you too much.”, you replied with a smile on your lips.

Bucky laughed, as the both of you swayed to the music.

You had found each other, and you weren’t ever planning on letting go.

Tags: @flourish-et-blotts @invisibleanonymousmonsters (i hope you don’t mind me tagging you, I’d just figured you’d enjoy some fluff bucky in your day :) )

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writing-freestyle · 7 years

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model!rose

find model!jisoo: here! model!jennie: here! and model!lisa: here!

doesn’t do runway that often because she already has to stand a long ass time for her job, she don’t wanna have to walk in some crazy high heels too

only does it when a lot of her other friends are in the same show or her company won’t let her refuse

like “rose... this is gucci. you can not say no to gucci.”

she’ll put 110% effort into any project she does, though

this is her job, after all, and she does enjoy it, and it makes it even better knowing that she put her best effort into it

this girl is the LITERAL definition of photogenic

like, most people have at least one funny photo of them out there somewhere, but rose? has? none?

not even from her pre teen years, like EVERYONE has a cringe middle school year, but hers like fricken amazing

jisoo tried to make it her life mission to get a derpy photo of rose, but literally every time she took a photo of her off guard, it just looked like a really beautiful candid

eventually, jisoo gave up, she was just like ‘screw this, you’re too beautiful, i give up’

did i mention that she has the cutest friendship with wendy? like, obviously she’s closest to jisoo, jennie, and lisa, but her wendy have had such good chemsitry since day 1, like they just get along so well, it’s v v v cute

was once in a music video for TVXQ, and jisoo almost cried (she actually cried), but rose was like ‘i gotchu, boo’

then proceeded to bring jisoo to the filming site (with permission ofc) and introduced for to Yunho and Changmin and jisoo got to talk with them and take pictures with them, and they even gave her a hug right before she left

jisoo was so over the moon that she showed up at rose’s apartment a week later and was like ‘pack your bags, we’re going on a vacation, i already cleared it with your company.’

and rose was like ?? omg, jisoo, this is so last minute?? where are we even going??

*jisoo, throwing clothes into a suitcase*: it’s a surprise

turns out they were going to australia. rose started crying when she saw her family waiting for her there at the airport. jennie and lisa were there as well, and they were like: ‘we’re gonna let you hang with your family for a week, we’ll meet you back here in a week’

rose: ‘i love you all so much?’

the rest of bp: ‘we know’

rose has this habit of saying ‘wait, what?’ even though she heard and understood everything perfectly, and jennie just sighs and gives her a few seconds to catch up with the conversation

her and lisa always competing to see who can eat a fried chicken the fastest, and it always ends up in a tie

you’re actually fairly close to rose because you’re a photographer that works with a brand that rose models for a lot

and rose is your favorite model to work with because, while she is immensely photogenic, she’s also a sweetheart that takes interest in what you do as well?

like, models don’t need to know what kind of camera you’re using or the type of equipment you prefer, but rose is always so interested?

like, ‘oh, are you using a new camera today? what type is it? what are the good points of this camera? would you recommend it?’

sometimes she’s scared she’s being annoying by asking too many questions, but you always reassure her that you actually love it when she does that? it’s endearing, and you appreciate her making conversation over something you’re interested in

she constantly expresses that your photos of her are her favorite, and she’s always showing off your photos on her instagram and @ ing you and telling all her followers to go follow you!

someone named @bobbykim keeps commenting ‘my otp, i’m fanboying’ whenever you two make a post about each other

your friend/coworker joy keeps trying to get you to ask her out, but you keep going ‘she’s just being nice, i don’t think she sees me in that way’

SPOILER ALERT: SHE TOTALLY DOES

and it takes you guys traveling to a different continent to finally figure that out, like hot damn, you guys couldn’t have figured this out at home

like the both of you had been flown out to europe for an exclusive photo shoot, and rose is so excited to hear that you’re the photographer that she calls up lisa and is like ‘THE CUTE PHOTOGRAPHER IS HERE’ and lisa is just calmly like ‘you guys are in the city of love, do not let me down by coming back single’ and hangs up bc international calls are expensive af

and rose kinda stands there contemplating her options when you come up to greet her

and you end up scaring the living day lights out of her, causing her to trip and fall

profusely apologizing but rose insisting that she’s alright, she was spacing out, so it’s partially her fault

que a slightly awkward silence, followed by rose asking if you were doing anything after the shoot ended

you: ‘i was thinking about walking around a little, but i’m afraid of getting lost alone and not being able to communicate with anyone’

rose *internally*: THIS IS LIKE FATE OR SOME CRAP BECAUSE I WANT TO WALK AROUND WITH SOMEONE, PREFERABLY YOU, AND I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE, IS THIS DESTINY OR WHAT

rose *outloud*: ‘oh! well, i’m actually pretty fluent in the language and was looking for someone to go sightseeing with me. would you be interested?’

ofc you say yes, you’re still in your right mind

and it’s perfect, sightseeing with rose as she shows you into her favorite shops and has you try some food that you can’t even pronounce the name of

but something in the back of your head keeps bugging you because

is this a date? or is rose just being nice and friendly?

your question is answered at 8:00 in the evening, when the sun starts setting, and all the sudden you feel a really soft? and warm hand? slipping into yours?

and you look over to find rose looking down at her shoes, blushing profusely

your heart melts, she just looks so pure and beautiful, so you just loosen her grip a little, only to properly entwine your fingers together

if you had a heart reading on rose in that moment, it would be the most dramatic drop, and then a rapid increase, most people would be like ‘that is not healthy’

rose looking at you with wide eyes, and you just shyly going ‘i prefer to hold hands tightly’

she swears she could have just kissed you in that moment but she was like @ me..... chill

everyday for the week you two are in paris, you and rose spend it getting to know each other a little better, sipping wine on her hotel balcony, and even taking a picture of her as the sun sets behind her.

that picture is your pride and joy, and is now in a frame, sitting on the nightstand next to your bed

as you two come back, lisa is already at the airport, waiting for rose, and she’s sad when rose emerges, without you by her side, because... did it not... happen

but, no, lisa, it’s only because you two took different flights, and you’ll be arriving tomorrow morning

rose doesn’t tell her that, though. she decides to surprise lisa by going to their scheduled lunch date 4 days later, with your hand entwined with hers.

lisa flipping in the middle of the restaurant and jennie being like... lisa... pls... we’re in public

lisa: ‘I CALLED IT. I TOTALLY CALLED IT’

bobby+jennie+jisoo: ‘we all called it, sit down and decide what you want to eat, you’ve been staring at the menu for half an hour.’

rose falling more in love with you when she sees how well you get along with her friends

and eventually falling in love with you again when she sees how much you enjoy being around her family

a while after you start dating, rose takes on the habit of taking photos of you for a change

you’re really shy about it at first because ‘i’ve only ever been behind the camera’

rose reassuring you, saying ‘while a camera can’t capture all of your beauty, it’s nice to have something to remind me of you when we’re not together’

every model you ever worked with now knows you and rose are dating, and it’s like?? how??

everyone in a 100 mile radius: she likes to tell anyone and everyone about how perfect you are

concept: the next time you and rose do a shoot together, rose is naturally more flirty and cute, and while you two are looking over the photos together later on, you’re like ‘is it me, or did rose get more beautiful some how?’ and joy, from ten feet behind you two just goes: ‘I WANT TO MAD BY ALL THIS MUSHY CRAP, BUT IT’S SO CUTE THAT I CAN’T’

then rose smiling shyly at that and giving you a kiss on the cheek while joy takes a picture

which is now your phone background because it was just too cute

should i do another model!au with another group after i finish lisa’s, or should i do another au? let me know!

#blackpink #park chaeyoung #roseanne park #rose #blackpink scenarios #rose scenarios #chaeyoung scenarios #blackpink fanfic #rose fanfic #chaeyoung fanfic #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #kpop girls

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metapikakirby42 · 8 years

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2. SHINee

I 👏🏽 love 👏🏽 SHINee 👏🏽 . They are the reason I took the chance to explore K-Pop. They are legends when it comes to K-Pop and they have been slaying for years ever since they’ve debuted. A group that has managed to have songs that display various different styles of music while still retaining a distinct and unique sound that always screams SHINee. They’ve done rock, EDM, funk, R&B, retro, new age, and much more. Their dancing is iconic and they continuously provide engaging and iconic performances. Their style has been all over the place but equally visually satisfying in many regards. Their vocal quality is top tier. They are a full package and truly are a model group when it comes to K-Pop. SHINee is a talented group and they deserve every ounce of success they’ve worked hard for. SHINee is my second favorite K-Pop group.

Bias: Minho

I 👏🏽 love 👏🏽 Minho 👏🏽 . Minho is visual perfection to me. It’s almost hard to describe how freaking attractive he is (at least to me). This boy is so handsome, beautiful, sexy, stunning, ugh the adjectives could go on forever… This guy has had the best and most consistent hair since Lucifer, he’s looked flawless with bleached grey-blonde hair (bless him for doing that for the 1 of 1 comeback it was a dream come true), and he’s drop-dead gorgeous with contacts in View. Do I have a crush on him? Unashamedly, yes. Every SHINee video I’m drawn to him and I get excited to see him whenever he gets a solo moment or screen time. I was fanboying so hard when they made a comeback and I was sitting there excited like a fool to see Minho in the spotlight again.

It all began with Lucifer. I was watching a React video while being bored on YouTube. It so happened to be YouTubers reacting to K-Pop. Of the three videos, the one that was most appealing to me was SHINee’s Lucifer. Why? One, it was actually what I expected to sound like and it was a sick song with a beat that just stuck in my head (funny because the other two are more catchy: I Got A Boy and Fantastic Baby). Of the five members in SHINee, the only one that caught my eye and interest was Minho–mainly because he was the only one with a decent haircut and a reasonable outfit 😂 . It was a while until I came back to SHINee actually. But what truly sold me was Everybody. I had skimmed over Sherlock, Replay, Juliette, Ring Ding Dong, Love Like Oxygen, Dreamgirl, View, but it was Everybody that kept bringing me back in. I’ll talk more about that later.

The moment when it was set in stone was SHINee’s performance of Dynamite for their SHINee World IV concert. If you’ve never seen that performance, you’re in for a treat. SHINee isn’t a stranger to sexy and Minho puts on a scorchingly hot performance 🔥 . Call me a sucker 😏 , but from then on I was madly obsessed. SHINee was all about Minho for me. Whether it was a variety show or a music video, my eyes would intently watch and fanboy over Minho. I could only dream about getting a boyfriend or be as handsome, amazing, and cool as Minho. A total dreamboat, my bias, that’s Minho 😍 .

Bias Wrecker: None

Lol. This might be a bummer, but there is just no one else in SHINee that competes with Minho for me. Maybe I’m a loyalist. I’d say it’s just Minho just screams perfection to me. Don’t get me wrong, each member has their own charms and I can totally understand the fanbases each of the members have–it’s definitely deserved. Onew is SHINee’s fearless and adorable leader with a voice that can make your heart melt. Jonghyun is immensely talented vocally and one of the best vocalists in K-Pop that I’ve heard ever since he debuted and has only gotten better; he’s got a body to compete with Minho and a strong masculine aura about him. Key has a distinct voice that can rap and sing; he’s got a sassy personality and an entertaining fashion sense to boot too. Taemin literally does everything: visual, sing, dance, etc. Taemin is a star and truly deserves every ounce of success he works for as an artist and entertainer. Almost painfully so, to the point it feels like he’s “over-milked” per se when it comes to comebacks and videos.

Each member of SHINee is pivotal to the group. My heart would break if SHINee lost one of its members. While Minho might not have the vocal range as the rest of the group, he makes up for it with where his vocal range actually is; and his voice is just perfect, smooth, and a joy to hear. I may not have a bias wrecker in SHINee, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love and appreciate each of the members for their amazing talent, skills, and performances.

TOP 5 Songs:

1. Everybody

This is K-Pop. Solid concept. Mind-blowing choreography. Stellar vocals. Breathtaking visuals and style. Poppy music video. Amazing funk-pop dub-step sound. If there were songs/music videos that defined what K-Pop is, Everybody is one of them.

I am not a particular fan of dub-step, but this is some good stuff right here. Everybody really woke me as to how much fun it was to explore K-Pop and find music that really just spoke to me. Minho doesn’t rap, but rather sings which is refreshing to hear. And even though he doesn’t belt out notes like the other members (and all of them belt a note), I can help it when his part comes. Seeing him in the video and hearing him sing just makes my heart melt 💖 . Everybody additionally has a lot of gems in it like Onew’s windmill arms and of course Taemin’s abs.

I’d say that the peak of SHINee’s sound is Everybody. I’m not saying SHINee’s sound got worse or any future release never got better. No, Everybody was an epic presentation of SHINee’s ability to take music and mold it into SHINee’s unique sound. By this point, SHINee could conquer anything and slay the house down. Everybody is the culmination of everything SHINee could do up to that point and turned into overdrive at over 9000%.

Everybody is an amazing show-stopping song. The dance moves are iconic. The lyrics never fail to pump you up. It’s an adrenaline rush all the way to the end. Everybody is, without contest, my number 1 SHINee song.

2. Replay

I said that Superhero was one of my favorite debut songs. Well, Replay is the other. Imagine, that a song SHINee released in 2008 is able to compete in quality to the amazing songs they’re releasing today! The 90s R&B vibe is so smooth and extremely accessible. I fall in love with SHINee all over again every time I hear it. From the very beginning, SHINee was giving solid choreography, beautiful vocals, adorable visuals and more. While the line distribution is pretty trash when it comes to Minho in particular, the sound as a whole is perfection.

Replay’s sound is extremely nostalgic and is such a feel good sound. But it doesn’t stop there. SHINee’s performance of Replay at their 4th World concert is just so heartfelt and beautiful. The remix beat is gives it a special new breath to it that just let’s you fall deeper in love with Replay. But when the audience sings along and Jonghyun emotionally singing is one of the most touching and beautiful things to watch and listen too.

But wait…there’s more! Love Sick is Replay part two – released with View on “Odd Eye”. This beautiful funky R&B song is just the cherry on top. While it shares an abysmal line distribution for Minho 😂 , Love Sick sharing Replay’s choreography and vibe just makes it an important mention as to why Replay is so special and is my second favorite SHINee song.

3. Kimi No Sei De (Because of You)

SHINee has a plethora of gems when it comes to their Japanese releases. This is by far my favorite. With a strong funky beat during their verses and then a smooth and intense bridge melody it builds up to a mournfully beautiful intense chorus. It features various different sounds into one whole song effortlessly while also highlighting each of the member’s vocal strengths. Can I get an amen to giving Minho more singing lines? My heart melts when he sings. The dancing is intensely captivating and entrancing. The emotion in the song is so intense and gripping. It’s truly a shame I can’t buy this song off of iTunes because this is a masterpiece.

4. DxDxD

What can I say? I just love me some Minho appreciation. A more spread out line distribution is always better in my eyes. Whether or not the end result is fair, it feels great to hear each member multiple times throughout a song. If there’s one thing that the Japanese releases have over the Korean release is that there is more Minho 😂 . I love a good dance/club song–it’s my favorite song for my K-Pop groups. The video is full of poppy visuals, handsome styles, and lots of gratuitous Minho. To top it all off, it’s the closest Minho gets to being shirtless in a music video. My bias may be showing, but this song is almost as epic as Everybody. Another prayer for this to be on US iTunes one day 🙏🏽 .

5. Lucifer

This is the song that got me into K-Pop, began my interest in SHINee, and started my love for Minho. This everything I expected K-Pop to be, but it was better than I imagined and even more my style. Sharp synchronized dancing. Silly fashion #choices. Questionable hairstyles (Minho being the only one I really liked 😂 which is also why this is favored over Ring Ding Dong the other SHINee hit-maker classic). Epic vocals. A very distinct asian style of pop that would sound weird to American audiences. Minho sings and raps in one song! What more could I ask for? Well…actually…I won’t go there 😂 . This song is truly special to me and it holds a special place as my fifth favorite song for SHINee. Now excuse me while I sing butchered Korean and dance like an idiot to this song 🕺🏽 .

Honorable Mentions:

Downtown Baby

Did I mention that I love SHINee’s J-Pop releases? Well Downtown Baby has just recently become an intense favorite of mine but unfortunately had no room to make it into the top 5. To be fair, SHINee has a plethora of songs competing against each other for a spot. A video with overwhelmingly bright colors, cute style for the boys, and some sleeveless Minho. These boys are beautiful in the video and I get a little breathless whenever Minho stares into the camera. The upbeat and happy sound is infectious to listen to and is sure to put a smile on my face.

Sherlock

Ah, the beginning of “SHINee’s back”. As corny as it is, Minho manages to make it sexy 😆 . The intense pop-funk song is what begins the reimagining of SHINee’s sound into what it is today. The eclectic fashion, the strong concept, the artistic synchronized choreography, and hypnotizing choreography. Also: bless whoever does Minho’s hair, bless whoever makes Minho’s pants, bless whoever made Minho’s plunging neckline shirt, and bless Minho 🙏🏽 . Who doesn’t love “soy un Dorito” 😂 …I mean Sherlock? This was a flawless comeback. Talk about the beginning, or rather the continuation, of SHINee’s slayage.

Dreamgirl

From the beginning, Minho hypnotizes me and makes my fanboy senses go wild. I love me some good mic-ography and SHINee just takes to a whole other level. The boy-band colorful print blazers are adorable and refreshing to see. The music is funky pop that’s makes you want to get up and sing along. If you need proof that SHINee slays, you can watch their live comeback performance. Now tell me…did you notice that they went from 5 microphone stands to 4? Utterly professional talent boys. From Dreamgirl onwards, I tell myself that I won’t fanboy while I watch…but then Minho looks at me through that screen and I’ve lost. Dreamgirl is another stepping stone I need to mention that leads to Everybody. SHINee is truly a dream come true.

#SHINee #Minho #Jonghyun #Key #Onew #Taemin #Kpop #k-pop #shinee #Everybody #music #gif #gifs #Replay #Kimi no sei de #because of you #DxDxD #Lucifer #Downtown Baby #Dream girl #Sherlock

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