#the crooked man movie

[cupcakeshakesnake]

"I love the part where Valak said “It’s nunnin time” and nunned all over the place"

-random YouTube comment, 2023

[imtherain]

GUYS WTF

Apparently they're making a new Hellboy reboot (potentially a series) and there has been basically zero publicity about it. I found the Wikipedia and like two vague articles.

It'll be all new actors, and it's based on the Crooked Man comics.

(screenshot is from Reddit)

And the wiki

[emmaswanned]

“ed warren’s never seen a house that he didn’t think was haunted.”

--the conjuring 2 (2016), dir. james wan

[kazscrows]

A big lump of muscle

[stairset]

One of my toxic traits as a superhero fan is when adaptations make the villain connected to the hero’s origin I sometimes like it and sometimes don’t and either way I usually have no specific reasoning for my opinion other than Vibes.

[life-or-something-like-lt]

Javier Botet as The Crooked Man in The Conjuring 2 (2016)

[berryblu-soda]

i think the most annoying thing abt loving urban fantasy and school settings and having a lot o my blorbos in them is, like, i´m *HOMESCHOOLED????* have been since 4th grade, but still the school i went to probably isnt a good frame of refference. so im lest just completely lost and looking for refferences is practically impossible, bc *WHO DIDNT GO TO SCHOOL??* amirite???

so i´m low key scared i´ll write something just completely uninformed which will be noticed inmediately by everyone, and i´ll be put in a cage in the plaza and get tomatos thrown at me :((

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

I think the Crooked Man from the Conjuring 2 should be a Tumblr Sexyman

[chesthighwater]

nothing on this earth makes my brain go "put that man into a fucking. SITUATION" more than cunning self-serving intelligent characters who would sell out everyone and their mother for a chance at survival and generally have a tendency to fly too close to the sun. put that man in a SITUATION HE CANNOT ESCAPE. PREFERABLY OF HIS OWN UNFORTUNATE MAKING. MAKE THAT MAN EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS OWN ACTIONS

[everysongineverykey]

well, i didn't think much of death on the nile 2022. what's with this trend in recent adaptations of old works trying to make the work "progressive" with some of the most halfhearted stuff i've ever seen? making white characters poc and in the process doing things like recharacterizing a formerly white, now brown financial trustee character into "a slippery snake, no one but [his cousin] trusts him" when the character's crook behavior was not at all apparent to anyone for most of the book and was only revealed towards the end, inventing queer relationships where there were none and handling all their oppressed characters with kid gloves!

this movie features hercule poirot deducing that two women are a couple out loud in front of them while they look on, terrified that he's found out their secret and might destroy them- but of course, since poirot is the main character, he can't be bigoted (never mind any old-fashioned ideals he may have possessed in the books), so all he does is use this as an opportunity to rather pointlessly wax poetic about "people killing for love" even though no one watching with half a brain ever really suspected either of them as being the killer. the problem, though, is that he says all this in front of a stranger. there's a friend of his, who the women don't know, in the room with them, listening to all this. death on the nile has their main character out a closeted queer couple to someone they don't know and don't trust in 1937. the character doesn't use it against them, of course- he's supposed to be a good guy too- but my god, imagine if you were in their shoes! you could potentially make a case for poirot knowing the man wasn't homophobic since they were friends, but that's doubtful, and it's still a really shitty thing to do. and we're just supposed to accept it as a display of how nice, how woke poirot is! i doubt this movie had a single queer person in the writers' room. death on the nile tries really really hard to make you believe it's got thought-provoking stuff in there, but ultimately it's just a shallow cash grab dressed in period clothing masquerading as the brilliant source material.

[jonny-b-meowborn]

Few days ago when I was out with my bestie we were talking about the Gabriel guy from miraculous cause he's goofy as shit, and she showed me how he looks like in the recent episodes which prompted me into talking how he'd look better with a beard, which then lead to me showing her this screenshot of a very minor character from a movie I've seen recently

saying how hot and gender he was. She dead faced asked me "so do you just like homeless people?"

Later in a different conversation we somehow started talking about beards again and I mentioned how I wish I could have a beard and that naturally dark but greying beards are the hottest shit and she was like "yeah cause you like elderly men"

And like it's true but you didn't have to say it

[emperor-of-hearts]

they’re not gonna add the crooked man to DBD cause they’d actually have to make a different model that isn’t generic muscle guy or teen twink

[woahajimes]

getting rlly excited and then like. lightly tapping NOSES together just. never made sense to me. i'm like a fucking rottweiler i physically cannot be gentle when excited.

[elexaria]

domestic! simon is the best partner & father your family could ever ask for. he’s up at the ass crack of the morning to make a dash to the store, stocking up on all the groceries and making sure to grab your pregnancy cravings. you wake up, sore, miserable and aggy— toddling downstairs with bed head, only to find he’s at the kitchen counter slicing up fresh fruit for you. “oi, sit down.” he’ll say affectionately, pointing to the table so don’t stay on your feet for too long. “i’m pregnant, si, i’m not completely incompetent.” you sigh, hands rubbing your swollen tummy with a smirk. he chuckles, raising his eyebrows at you as if to say ‘you sure about that?’

he rubs soothing lotions onto your tummy, unable to stop himself from grinning with each kick from wee riley. “feisty one, eh? gets it from papa riley.” he remarks, his eyes warm with affection as he continues to stare down at your tummy. “mad, ‘ent it? to think.. i’m gonna be a dad. crazy.”

and the love doesn’t stop when wee riley is born, it quadruples in size. a milk-drunk baby all coddled up in the crook of his arm while he whips up some dinner. he swears that his mac n cheese & tenderstem broccoli heals, and you have to admit he does manage to make even stinky ol’ broccoli taste good. he doesn’t understand why dads make such a big fuss about being active parents, hell, you have to remind simon that wee riley is your baby too!

he loves the milestones, can’t not shut up about how much he loves his kiddo. spends his time gushing to laswell about their kids, how exciting it is to be a parent!! the boys love it too, to be honest. johnny’s set out to be wee riley’s favourite uncle, gaz likes teasing you about how whipped and domesticated ol’ ghosty is. and price, well, he’s actually wee riley’s favourite. he looks unamused every time the little bugger grabs at his moustache, babbling and squealing with excitement at the fluff on his face. he looks like a mardy bum, but when nobody’s looking he’ll crack a smile. and yes, johnny’s salty that the baby prefers price LOL

so imagine how excited he is when, on one lazy sunday morning, the three of you are laying in bed with no set plans for the day. the baby’s attention is divided between a silly kid’s movie on the telly, and exploring the terrain of the bed. grabbing tiny fistfuls of cotton with a toothy smile, babbling excitedly at papa riley. he chuckles, nodding as he leans in. “oh yeah? you showin’ the duvet who’s boss, love?” he grins, ruffling the delicate tufts of hair on wee riley’s head, eliciting an excited squeal. his attention is suddenly stolen when, unexpectedly, you slide a picture into his lap.

it’s an ultrasound.

he thought the happiest of his life was the day he had met you, but then he married you— and that was the happiest day of his life. and then wee riley was born, and he couldn’t comprehend how fucking happy and lucky he was as a man. so, the news of another baby on the way makes his heart full. fucking hell, he’s a lucky fella. and he wouldn’t have it any other way <33