#the dopamine tragedy

[auadhdwildcards]

The day when the dopamine food stops dopamining is a very sad day.

[letmeinpplease]

Listennnnnn I still have a lesser opinion of T&B season 2 than season 1 but we in the "I'll take what I can get" stage of reblogging all the meta analyses I can find for the scraps of dopamine.

[queen-mabs-revenge]

yES ok so doc rang me back and apparently i can get referred into the public track for adult ADHD care which has the benefit of being

public

local

which ok like my current prescribing psych is like functionally fine but my god the extortionate rates esp bc i'm a whole country away and everything is via email and teleconferencing? but i was kind of forced to go private bc there literally were no public adult adhd options in the fucking country two years ago lmao

if going private means affordability and actually having a local system to tap into oh baby now we're cooking with gas

[macbethz]

ok ive thought about it a bit and i dont like it. sorry. i think it fufills that kind of instant dopamine rush of pure spectacle and the idea of the doctor needing a fucking break is good but essentially splitting a fragment off of him to go have all that off-screen feels like wish fulfillment rather than good story. its also like. RUSSELL THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOUVE BROUGHT "SPLITTING DAVID TENNANT TO HAVE AN ORDINARY LIFE" TO CLASS. LIKE WE DID THIS BEFORE.

FUNDAMENTALLY the part that most upsets me about it is it feels motivated by the same nostalgic urge that bringing back DT had in the first place, which ended up being a decision I enjoyed but I still think is rooted in this fear of change and this avoidance of tragedy. Tragedy and sadness provide catharsis, they really do, and doctor who is a show about change. It feels...emotionally stunted, in a way. like RTD is giving us pool floaties because he doesn't trust us to swim in the deep end of the pool. Its the same cautiousness that I found particularly upsetting about Chibnals tenure, and the same cautiousness that motivates the endless steam of reboots under late capitalism.

I like to HOPE that this will be resolved in the near future just as I'm HOPING biregeneration will also be explained. At least we got to see Ncuti's ass

EDIT this post i made in 5 minutes intended for my mutuals has brought me nothing but misery. Please take a film class and listen to the new Suede album. thank you

[fellshish]

hi, thoughts on five and lila?

I know a lot of fans hate this storyline with a passion and i’m almost nervous to say i… don’t :/ prefacing this by saying that i’ve been a pretty casual fan over the years, wasn’t active in the tua fandom, didn’t read fics for it etc.

Then s4e5 pushed certain buttons in me that really draw me into a ship.

I think yes of course it’s two flawed people making flawed decisions. But it’s also at its core very very human to me. They spent literal years going through all these life-in-danger situations together releasing all the falling in love type of dopamine. They didn’t have anyone but each other. They were lonely. They bonded. Things happen in such situations.

It also helps that i didn’t headcanon five as ace (which is a totally legit take on the character btw i’m not trying to put my own opinion above anyone else’s). For me the way he was living decades alone and fell in love with a mannequin the way he did, showed how desperate he was for romantic love and touch [again, just my own reading]. It makes sense to me that his second time around, he fell hard.

For me where their storyline pushed my buttons the hardest was the tragedy of it all. When lila called what they had ‘survival’ and five’s heart broke — like the closest thing to love he’s ever had in his life was just a play-acting of love. I simply cannot resist a blorbo who believes love is not in the cards for him.

Obviously lila was always going to choose her children and diego, even if she genuinely cared about five. Makes sense. It’s all so very morally grey and human.

So yeah. Buttons? Pushed. Sorry…

[alexbrunn]

Do you have any headcanons for Pav :?

Yes, I have quite a few headcanons about Pav. I'll tell you a "top five" that are rolling around in my head right now, maybe I'll remember more afterward.

Pav is a learned ambidexter. As a child, he did everything exclusively with his left hand. However, during the destruction of his village, he receives a severe burn on his right shoulder. He believes that it is much more symbolic to kill the Kaiser with his right hand, as this burn became a symbol of pain and loss on that fateful day.

Pav is a very tactile person. He touches people, pats them, strokes their hair, invades their personal space in any way possible. He can let his hands loose in his flirting, not only to get the person emotional, but just to simply feel the person. Despite the vulgarities he says when hugging he likes them a lot and can hold them longer. He remembers his mother in this moment.

Pav has a sweet tooth. He likes not only ice cream, but also candy, cakes and pies with fruit and berries. He drinks his tea with jam or honey. Anything that quickly and easily raises dopamine. One of his favorite childhood meals was bread with butter and sugar. It was hard to get into the army with that kind of preference.

Pav came from a not very large family (by the standards of the time). In one house lived his grandmother (his grandfather died at a very early age and he hardly remembers him), his father, mother, older sister and a newly born younger brother. At that time, the birth of a boy was prioritized as the continuation of the family, so Pav had a great responsibility and expectations, which only increased after the birth of his sister. The future head and protector of the family and upbringing was appropriate especially on the part of his father. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why he was so driven by a desire for revenge. His mother, unlike his father, loved her son immensely and was always tender and caring to him, he absolutely adored her.

Pav loves winter. Snowdrifts, snowfalls, the whole forest standing in a white blanket of snow. He is not the kind of person who celebrates the beauty of nature, but he likes the view very much. Molding snowmen, playing snowballs, sledding, all the entertainment of winter he likes. Holidays that take place at this time of year (including his birthday). He really missed this feeling, because Bremen has much warmer weather in the winter and snow doesn't usually fall in such quantities. In turn, he dislikes summer, not only because of the heat, but because it is the time of year associated with his tragedy.

[butchsophiewalten]

for character bingo (if not done already) rosemary please!!

I really love these two.... I should draw them more, I always thoroughly enjoy it.

WOW THIS GOT REALLY EXTREMELY LONG. ITS UNDER THE CUT OK:

I'll start with Jack. I wax poetic about Jack a lot. He's a character that I find incredibly interesting, even if we don't really know particularly much about him yet. A lot of the things that I really like about him are like... interpretive? Or things that I've assumed. Hence the "not technically canon." I think a lot about "Jack Walten" as a like, a concept, within the universe of The Walten Files. Like, he was a man, who lived and had a place and a purpose within his community, but in the wake of his disappearance he's become sort of abstracted. I'm struggling to articulate this. I think of Jack as a character who has lost the ability to contextualize his own existence, and has instead become sort of an icon of himself.

I think to the community of Brighton he is a tragedy. He's a scary story. He's the memory of a man who was so well-known and so well-liked and then he up and disappeared one day and left countless rumors in his wake. And for Felix, I think he's always struggled to think of Jack as a person, and has always considered him more of a representation of his own inadequacy, and then a representation of his guilt. Felix has always kinda used Jack as a way to gauge himself. Like, Jack has always been a point of comparison. But then, Felix's relationship with Jack, to me, has also been a means for Felix to kinda improve his own self-image. I think a lot about Felix's very pleased sort of reaction to Jack's "You're a life saver, Felix." during the phone call in Bunnyfarm. I think Felix really desperately craves that sort of validation from Jack, because it makes him feel like less of a fuckup. Jack is a Good Person who has a Good Life and has his shit worked out, so if he's telling Felix he did good, he must be doing something right. That sort of dynamic where, for Felix, it's less about doing a favor for his friend, and more about chasing that dopamine hit that the validation will give him. Jack is a means to an end for him, where Felix wouldn't really care if it was Jack, or any other man who has a perceived position of success and privilege. (I have a lot more to say about this specifically, but this is turning into a Felix Analysis on my Jackmary Post, so I'm going to save it for the Felix bingo)

I got very distracted. I was trying to say that I think Jack is a person who, like, only really exists in the way the he is remembered, in the eyes of the people who remember him. Which is why Felix trying to scrub away his history with BSI is such a big deal, and why I also think it's really narratively and thematically interesting that Sophie *really struggles* to remember him. Like, she remembers him the least of anyone, almost. I think that's a really weighty sort of thing.

I don't want to talk for too long about this, because I've complained about it so many times already, but the sort of fandom perception of Jack Walten really irks me. And there's a lot of facets to his mischaracterization, I think. I could complain about the 'where the fuck are my children' TikTok audio for the millionth time, but I won't even bother. But I'm excited to see more of Jack. And I'm excited to learn more about him and to get a better idea of the sort of character he is and isn't, because I'm sure even my characterization of him is deeply flawed. Because we know so little.

ROSEMARY TIME: I love Rosemary Walten. This is another character where I think the Fandom Perception of her is so flaccid and boring. She's just Mother. She's just Woman. like so much of the time. And in fairness we don't really know very much about her, but I'm, again. very excited to learn. I like that she seems very headstrong, and I like how Martin characterizes her as being very ferociously protective of her family. I really want to know more about her relationship with Sophie during that month (and a bit) when everyone but the two of them had disappeared.

Really everything we've seen so far relating to her relationship with Sophie has been very striking to me. I'm sure this is to no-one's surprise. The "Am I still beautiful to you, Sophie?" Is still, to me, like the ultimate crescendo of the series. It's so stark. It's so fantastic. I think it's really easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of thinking about just how difficult and horrifying this character's life has been. And I'm exciting to see how this upcoming batch of episodes will continue to humanize her, and put that much more emphasis on the tragedy and horror of her death. And of her possessing a big animatronic sheep. I think a lot about Sophie hearing the a woman's dying screams through the speakers of that arcade cabinet, and recognizing it as the voice of her mother. I think that's really terrible and fantastic.

I wish I could talk more about her, like, independently, as a person, but we still know so little. So much of what I feel is assumptions. I love Rose though, I'm excited for more Rose. I'm excited for more everyone.

[cinderfeather]

Short Story Writing Tips for Fanfic Authors

While Edgar Allen Poe has many pretentious things to say on the merits of the Short Story (‘a work of art should be able to achieve its effect in one sitting’), I want to talk about them from a fanfiction perspective.

As fic writers, we are doing this hobby for fun, and frequently find ourselves hopping between shiny new idea, to shiny new idea, to shiny new idea…

...which is totally fine. However: to reduce this, I want to impress this upon you:

Keep your fic short enough to write within the span of dopamine it generates.

So while it’s still easy to generate long plots, I usually like to keep my stories small and focused wherever possible, so I can feel proud about ✨finishing✨ it and then have more energy to work on the next idea. In addition, if I have an idea tha t I think is cool, but not something I can fathom spending an entire year writing a novel-length-fic about, I can still write the idea if I think carefully about how I can work it into a short story.

Often writers way things like: 'I have 30k words to write just to get to the fun bit 😭😭😭'

Just write the fun bit.

It might be one thing for me to say that, but learning a bit of craft about short stories can make this easier.

So: one of the hardest things in a story is the ending, and short stories (especially origific) can be very challenging to create a satisfying ending with so little to work with.

In short story craft, there is a lot of talk about things like Hemingway’s ‘Iceberg Theory’:

Hemingway said that only the tip of the iceberg showed in fiction—your reader will see only what is above the water—but the knowledge that you have about your character that never makes it into the story acts as the bulk of the iceberg. And that is what gives your story weight and gravitas. — Jenna Blum in The Author at Work, 2013 (Wikipedia Link)

Fanfic is great for this! You already have a ton of character and plot fleshed out, so you can already have your iceberg while putting very little effort in. Short stories are already much easier as fic because they already have the 'iceberg of canon' beneath them, so make the most of it!

The next trick is ✨Authors Notes✨!

You can just say the background info plainly to the reader, without having to worry about crafting it nicely for the reader.

However, if you feel that the background info might be served best by putting it into the story, then let me introduce you to the next trick: Telling!

Think about summary the you have in your AN, and expand it into slightly longer ‘pretty’ prose:

Months went by. Trees bloomed, and forsook their leaves. One day, Mina stepped outside again.

That covers a year of a character being stuck in their grief, without having to mire reader in being stuck like that too.

We’ve all had ‘Show, don’t tell’ beaten into us with a hammer. But if it’s not important or interesting for you or your story, then just Tell it, and move on to the next exciting thing! What you want to do is research ways to use prose to convey the passing of time, write summaries and transition sequences, and work out ways to cut down and remove ‘all that writing you have to do to get to the fun scene’.

So, let’s say you had an idea for an achingly beautiful Suparbat story that worked like a Shakespearean tragedy inspired by Othello. You start brainstorming and writing fragments of all these scenes where they meet, fall in love, then have all these gradual misunderstandings caused by Lex trying to meddle and break them apart.

They pile up super high, and then there is this devastating, heart-pounding finale where they fight, along with the tragic ending and denouement.

You take your notes and start trying to plan out what scenes you will need, and your face goes pale as you estimate the story will probably be about 80k words.

You can’t commit to that, and you sense another shiny idea might be lurking on the horizon soon (and besides, you have other fics to finish). You consider abandoning it, resigned to the beauty of the story haunting you forever.

Hold up.

The tragic fight scene. That’s the one that excites you the most. Start writing that.

Bam, bam bam.

Why are they fighting? The audience is now curious and hooked, sitting breathless on the edge of their seat.

Line of dialogue! Ultra specific accusation!

Now the reader is intellectually hooked. What event is this specific detail referring to?

Flashback to one of the scenes where they met and were tenderly in love, linked by the line of dialogue before.

Now the reader is emotionally hooked. What happened to make them hate each other so?

The fight scene continues! Dramatic moments of action interspersed with flashbacks of those snippets you wrote—

Now the reader has been enthralled by all this awesome action, and has a good grasp of emotional arc and events that brought them to this point, with the juxtaposition of the moments of love and hate creating a tremendous experience.

The fatal wound, juxtaposed by the fatal misunderstanding that set Batman on this path… Those painful words exchanged in the present, that have been stuck in your head for weeks: Why? I loved you! Lex (aka Iago) comes out, doing a slow clap, and revealing how he plotted and schemed to sow this discord between Batman and Superman, to make Batman kill Superman for him. The achingly haunting moment of looking into each others eyes and Superman forgiving and trying to absolve Batman of his guilt before he dies. Bruce swiftly disabling Lex’s failsafe (to stop him from taking revenge, but its useless because he’s Batman) and holding a batarang to Lex’s throat.

Now you’ve used 80% of your notes, and you have a decent first draft already!

So now, what will Batman do? Break his moral code about killing again (he already did with Superman) and kill Lex? Try to set Lex on a path of rehabilitation?

So then you get stuck. But Cinder, this doesn’t work for me! All I can think of is to end it the same way as Othello! Which I can’t bear to write.

Hold up.

Go back over your story and start tightening it up. The idea that Bruce is willing to kill someone is quite important. Go back and add flashbacks (or add context to the existing flashbacks) about Bruce developing, sticking to or explaining his no-kill rule.

Then you write an epilogue, where a reformed Lex starts making all kinds of structural changes in the world, alongside all the people who stepped up after being inspired by Superman’s life and determination to let everyone have a chance at forgiveness. After this, you realise that the last line Superman needs to say is to beg Bruce not to continue his murder-rampage and kill Lex.

Then you go back over your story again, fleshing out Lex’s character and some of the hints and lines of dialogue he drops to round out his arc as well. The story feels nice, but still a little off. The ending of Othello haunts you. Do you need to kill Batman after all?

You try writing the scene with the climax ending on: ‘Now, the only way: the Bat will die upon the light.’

Then, as you edit the last bit of the epilogue, you add at the end that Bruce is still alive, observing it all, having hung up his cape as Batman, (because how else could their love end after this but with ‘Batman’ dying with him?). With the transformation that happened for both Lex and Bruce when he honoured Clark’s last wish, this meant that world also grew into a place where Batman wasn’t needed anymore.

So there you have a beautiful short story about not just love and romance, but grief and betrayal and death and killing and absolution and forgiveness and a love that grows beyond a romantic entanglement into a love that changes the world— 🥰🥰🥰

And under 3000 words.

Now other people will be haunted by your story for the rest of their lives, instead of you.

You will have to edit harder if you try to write as concisely as this, but overall I think you’ll get more stories finished if you experiment with focusing on writing the exciting bits, then sprinkling just enough scene fragments to make it work.

I often write out an idea for a few thousand words, till I get stuck, then go back over it and start thinking about how I can reorder and tweak it to bring what I already have to a satisfying ending.

It requires fumbling and sitting and thinking and figuring it out as I’m revising (as you saw in the example) but if you keep focused on making things shorter you’ll be surprised at just how short you can make it.

And how many things you can finish!

[joelswritingmistress]

Last Halloween: Chapter 6

Summary: After a tragedy involving Joel happened on Halloween one year prior, the town now shuns him while ignoring the details of the now closed case. You are seemingly the only one to offer empathy to a man the town is making out to be a monster.

Warning: Angst/Mild Language

Pairing: Joel x f!reader

"Things are moving so fast." You locked yourself in Jessie's room, more or less holding her captive in there while you indulged in all of your feelings for Joel.

She laughed when you pinned yourself against the door and leaned your head back against it.

"Do you want them to?" She asked honestly, despite the silly nature of your conversation.

You sighed and hugged your body. "Yes. I mean.. I just wanting expecting any of this. I thought I would offer him a free coffee or maybe just be friendly with him when he came into the shop." You sunk down into a seated position. "I never thought I'd feel like this about him.. and so fast."

"Did you find out how old he is?"

You cleared your throat and purposely muffled your response.

"What?" Jessie asked, swigging from a Poland Spring bottle.

"He's.. 41."

Jessie almost spit out a mouthful of water. She put a hand over her mouth and you could see water begin to trickle out from beneath her palm. When you began to giggle, she let it out with hearty laugh and immediately began to wipe the water off of the front of her shirt that came bursting out.

"41!?"

"Shh.." you put your finger to your lips and laughed.

"That's like.." Jessie began counting on her fingers, "Carry the one," she joked as if the math was that incredible. "He's 14 years older than us." She wiped the lingering water from her chin and glanced down. "It's on the hardwood floor."

"I'm sorry." You laughed and then shrugged. "I can't get enough of him. When I'm not with him I'm thinking about him."

"Are you gunna put out tonight?"

"Jess!"

"Oh, spare me the "that's not ladylike comment"," she said with another laugh.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Well, it's an honest question that I need to know the answer to for scientific purposes."

You began to laugh again and sighed. When she continued to stare at you, awaiting your answer, you smirked. "If I didn't have to work today I probably would've already."

"You're really into him," Jessie concluded.

"Yeah, I am."

"Just be careful," your friend said. "I don't want to see you get hurt. But at the same time, I'm happy that you're this happy."

"Thanks." You smiled.

"Now I need a hot, forbidden romance and we'll be all set."

"We could double date," you teased back.

"We could definitely double date." She smacked her lips together and eyed the ceiling. "41. Wow."

"Stop."

"I'm not making fun," Jessie explained. "I'm just.. wow. You're a woman amongst girls."

You rolled your eyes and reached for a duffel bag in your friend's closet just in case Joel invited you to stay over.

Jessie pranced over toward you and opened the bedroom door. "I'll help you pack."

The lead up to seeing Joel again was somehow like someone was fast forwarding and moving the clock in slow motion all at once. You made iced coffee after iced coffee. Every time there was a lull in the customer rush you were checking your phone. If Joel texted you, a rush of dopamine sent your brain into overdrive. If he didn't, it was the exact opposite.

By seven o'clock the coffee shop was dead. You looked over toward the little table where Joel had sat so many times.

And then you thought of him sitting there alone again and again, and you never said a word to him. It had been weeks, months. He was always alone. He had no one. His walls were closing in and you had said nothing.

Despite having a good day with Joel and having some silly talks with Jessie, you felt your chest tighten and then tears began to streak down your face.

Joel was so alone for an entire year, you thought and cried harder. He didn't deserve that.

You hoped no one would walk in to purchase a coffee at that moment. The abrupt rush of emotion came out of nowhere and hit you like a wave.

You rushed to scribble a makeshift sign on a paper plate that read, be back in five minutes, before walking to the bathroom to decompress. In there, alone, you allowed yourself to feel it. You cried hard and it felt good to let it out.

What triggered this? You thought. The table? The fact that Joel had confided in you and told you the whole story earlier that day? The fact that he was such a sweet, vulnerable person who had to deal with both grief and disrespect every single day? The fact that he had to deal with it all alone after he almost died? Or maybe that you were falling hard for him so quickly? It was everything. All of it. It was one big emotional rollercoaster.

You finally heard the jingle of the bell that let you know a customer had entered the place. With a deep breath you got yourself together but cursed when you looked at yourself in the mirror.

"Fuck!" You had spent a little extra time doing your makeup earlier and now you were left with running, black mascara making you look like, what you thought in your mind, a combination of Uncle Fester and Beetlejuice. Not to mention the puffy redness of your eyes.

"Be right with you!" You shouted, attempting to wash your face up as best you could without messing up your hair before heading back out into the shop.

"Black coffee, please." Joel stood there in front of the register with a wide smile on his face. All at once you wanted to laugh and cry. "What happened?" He immediately ran around the counter when he recognized you had been crying.

"I'm fine." You smiled and tears began to fall as he pulled you against him.

"Did someone come in here? Did someone-"

"No," you cut him off and pulled back to look at him. "No, I.. I just looked at the table where you usually sit.." you took in a deep breath and his hands fell to the sides of your face. "And I just started thinking about what you told me today and all you've been through and I just.." you shrugged and your voice cracked, "..started to cry."

You took in another deep breath and felt more tears leak down your cheeks when you closed your eyes for half-a-second. You reopened them and smiled, trying to ease the concern that was written all over Joel's face.

"I'm okay," you assured him, sliding the heel of his hand to your lips to leave a gentle kiss there. "I was just having a moment but I'm fine." The last thing you wanted was for Joel to see you so bent out of shape.

"I've had a rough year," he said keeping one hand on your face. "But.. I finally feel okay. Because of you." Joel added. "I'm happy."

Joel's presence eased your mind and you took a long, decompressing breath. Tears continued to wreak havoc on your eyeliner.

"So much for makeup." You motioned to your eyes and managed a laugh.

"You don't need it." Joel used his thumbs to dry beneath your eyes and then retrieved some napkins from the holder on the countertop.

"Thank you." You inhaled deeply again and dabbed at your eyes once more. You could tell Joel still looked concerned you reassured him that you were alright.

He pulled you in for another hug and you held him hard.

"Sorry," you said, "If you had walked in, like, five minutes earlier I probably wouldn't have cried. I just had too much time to think." You looked up at him, "Still want that black coffee?"

Joel grinned and then leaned down and kissed you once on the lips. "I'll tip well."

You chuckled and parted from him to prepare it.

"No egg sandwich tonight, though. I'm about to go home and make spaghetti for my girlfriend."

Your head whipped in his direction and a smile spread across your face. "Your what?"

"You heard me." He smirked back.

You capped the coffee cup and rounded the counter again, placing the beverage down on the counter so you had both arms to wrap around him when you kissed him.

"I'm your girlfriend?" You asked against his lips.

He smiled back. "I don't know. Are you?"

"Well, am I the one you're making spaghetti for?"

Joel nodded.

"I guess that makes me your girlfriend then."

"Mmm." He leaned down and kissed you again. "Are you okay?" Joel asked. "Do you want me to stay or-"

"No, it's okay. I'm fine." You couldn't keep your hands off of him and kissed him again. "Especially now."

"You sure?"

You nodded and reached back to give him the coffee. "Don't forget this."

"Thank you.I'll see ya soon."

"Okay."

Joel leaned back in to kiss you once more and then headed outside. You walked to the window to make sure he got back on his bike safely. When he began to speed away you sighed and took a moment now to soak it in - that you were Joel's girlfriend now. Not that you hadn't felt that way, but the fact that he was the one to bring it up and phrase it in those words made you swoon even harder.

You eyed the clock on the wall, knowing the last half hour of work would drag. But you knew there was the greatest prize waiting for you when you were finished.

7:35 slowly tucked its way to 7:40. You wiped down everything, served the lone customer a stale scone and then got everything in order before finally locking the doors promptly at 7:59.

"Okay." You took a breath, attempting to keep your racing thoughts in check, and made your way to your car, immediately putting Joel's address into the GPS on your phone.

Six minute drive. You eased the car onto the main road, passing the town green that sat across from the coffee shop, and rounded a bend that lead you in the right direction.

No music played. You hadn't even thought to put your playlist or the radio on. The robotic female voice was your guide. Take a left.. drive 0.2 miles and take another left. Take a right. In 500 feet, the destination is on your right.

You remembered what Joel had said about going slow so you didn't miss his house. When a smashed up mailbox came into view with Joel's house number dented in at an impossible angle, you scowled.

"Assholes." Someone had smashed his mailbox. The driveway followed in between a pair of towering trees and you eased your car down.

The house emerged after a thick patch of oaks and maples gave way to the front yard. Lights shined in the oversized front window that sat beneath the low, overhanging roof of the front porch.

You saw a truck parked in front of a detached garage set back to the right side of the house. Joel's motorcycle was beside it.

When you eased your car behind the truck you took a deep breath and gave a glance at yourself in the mirror and glanced at the duffel bag in the passenger seat. You weren't about to bring it in, but you hoped he would ask you to stay.

"Okay, here we go," you whispered to yourself as you clicked open the door and made your way up the little sidewalk to the front porch.

You reached a hand up and gave a knock, eying a small lantern-like lighting fixture to the side of the door.

A second or two later, the front door opened and the butterflies in your stomach came back full force.

"Hi." You greeted him with a smile.

"Hi." Joel stepped to the side with a hand still holding the door open. "Come in."

You sighed through your nose and walked in past him. Joel grabbed your forearm gently and you closed your eyes when he connected his lips to yours in a brief, but intense, closed-mouth kiss.

When you parted, he towed you by the hand. "Come on. I'll give ya a little tour."

"Oh, Joel, your mailbox was, like, smashed in."

He nodded with a little helpless grin. "I saw it." He shrugged. "Come on."

CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 7

@untamedheart81 @amyispxnk @grogusmum @ghostwritesthings @strawbunnyx

[gorjee-art]

is there a fic of your cotl au? i am loving your elder good lamb btw.

Sadly no! I am not much of a writer and fanfictions scare me, y'all have dedication and I need quick dopamine shots for me to fully focus on something.

HOWEVER, I do plan to make comics about it since it's something I wanted to do for a VERY long time but it always intimidated me to do something personal whether it'd be my characters or just a piece of art in general. I feel as though COTL is a perfect gateway for me to explore that medium. So much positive reception over it has made me ludicrously much more confident in my abilities, to the point I'd say I'm delusional.

I'm an insecure lil baby, so I'll do short little snippets of a moment here and a moment there, truly delve into that eldritch horror, Shakespearian tragedy. I love drama, baby, and I plan to delve more into it.

[quirkyfries]

My concept of Dandy rebranding Gardenview to a new glory after the neglect of handlers, going back to their roots, and creating a toon with the use of research capsules.

[Mixed with your own theory of them, Dandy has a seemingly noble goal, they are just a bit evil and cause torment to the twisted and toons about it for their own satisfaction. The entitlement and audacity of a petal thinking they deserve to keep all the tapes of their history/training/making toons safety/learning videos/mlp/PSAs... you know the usual tapes you'd want to keep.] Now your theory was added, making Dandy seem more complex and interesting. Still mostly evil, BUT WHAT IF I MADE IT WORSE!!!

{A bit inspired by Sun and Moon Show <333}

... He was unable to figure out how to make an original toon, so tragic fan-child it is! Midnight Tragedy's Child (Astro x Dazzle) are they actually dating, or not. Who knows! They might not be, and that just makes it more funner(not in shipping, in the psychological torment sense <3 )

Dandy would totally family vlog, and Truman show the entire facility!!! They will compete at one point for the kid to do what challenges, and its Dandy vlogs vs Glistens lol.

I am planning on hopefully finishing chapter 1 today <3 wish I had written dopamine. I need it for my adding brain :D

Fun fact, the ideal design for the fan-child to have two-star shape'd eyes on the right of their face, was because the hands that Tron Astro uses are in his head, under his hat probably but in his brain basically.

So at will fan-child can move their eyes around to see into people's dreams or memories or to see if they are lying, who knows, dazzle hates it when Razzles acts.

what are your thoughts on it, I can't wait to figure out Glistens relationships with rnd, vee, and Astro specifically hehe. There are rnd headcanons that they look up to glisten, and glisten get along with vee. (karaoke, or has funner lines in trivia for the viewer to keep watching than winning all the prizes)

I love canon compliments, but I adore alterations if headcanons are not canon compliments. <3

oh yeah, and some doodles I did on a whiteboard. here are some of the concept chapters:

I'm too shy to show the last doodle with Astro and Rnd meeting up with Dandy, to figure out what their 'vacation' truly meant when they see the new toon on the bench(theirs another doodle of that on paper) I'm having so much fun with writing this, and I'm almost wondering how Dandy might become a manager. Can they ever get IDs?

:P

... Since they got research from the twisted themselves... whose child is it really [Family drama]

Hope you like my chaotic concept, i have no ideas for the other characters, but I just gave Poppy an HC that they are not allowed to drink pop because of a commercial aftermath incident :D

Astro giving others nightmares by accident will always be funny <3

Have a wonderful day! I didn't have this beta read, so my words may not make sense hehe

OOOO Thank you so much for sharing this with me!!

Between Dandy mixing Astro + RND’s (research? ichor? Toon dna) to make a toon from scratch, said child’s ability and the surrounding drama in the form of family vlog and Truman show’d facility, I’d say you’re in for a pretty solid story!

I’m really curious about Glisten’s relationships with other toons, I haven’t been able to look at the new update yet lol. I know that fella has all the deets.

Midnight tragedy is super cute, I love their design! I wonder, since it’s ambiguous who their parents actually are, if they’d chosen a parent figure? Unless Dandy filled that role by default, or maybe it was a “it takes a village to raise a child” situation? Or did they spawn fully grown and only needed some guidance to mature emotionally.. don’t let my questions point to spoilers for your fic, I’m just wondering aloud!

10/10 concepts and art, I will be watching for that fic when it’s posted! You have a nice day too :D!

[pronoun-note]

I played cookie clicker for the first time last week. I spent days on my laptop and took it everywhere so I could always watch it. I downloaded auto clickers for optimal output. I looked up strategies so I could play most effectively. I was dedicated to making this game perfect so I put as much effort as I could into it. Then, one day I went too far. I am not a patient person. I want what I want as soon as I can get it and am willing to do unspeakable things to do so, consequences be damned. So I entered a few commands. Then a few more. Then, well, I’m sure you can guess where this is going. It was addicting. I literally felt the rush of dopamine that entered my system when I entered the first commands, giving me things that would take months to get normally. So I kept going. And going. And going. Soon after I had completed 100% of the game. And yet… the achievement was hollow. I felt sick, empty, unfulfilled, and repulsed by the game. After the rush that cheating gave me, I just couldn’t live up to its initial high, no matter how much I tried to afterwards. Progressing farther and farther into the game became dull, lifeless; I wasn’t fulfilled by it and I never will be even if I reset and tried again. Sometimes in life you take shortcuts for the instant rush of success, and even if you get to your goal faster, you’ll be at a loss for where your devotion went. Where was your desire for more? Your relentless drive to succeed? It’s dulled by cheating, as any desire is after it’s easily achieved. I understood Light Yagami more after cookie clicker, for he was a man seeking justice, a cure for his boredom, but the power and speed of completion that he could achieve through the death note became boring after all challenges (L) died off. Light was bored after L’s death, even his successors couldn’t hold a light to the obstacle that L served in Light’s mission. Light’s story was undoubtedly one of too few challenges against someone who needs constant pushback to succeed. Both Light’s and my boredom were stated until we lost what made our goals worth achieving. Anything in life will become less when it means less to gain. Our stories were both ones of tragedy based on human greed for more, whether it be success, justice, or cookies. In the end, we must face hardship and challenge lest we face what we’ve done to ourselves in the process of meaningless success. Anyways, how’s L’s phat, juicy ass treating you? 

i was willing to sympathize with you until the last sentence

[thekamukuraproject]

literally why do so many people hate izuru hes just a kitty cat. you're hating on a kitten. you're sick

YES!! you fucking get it!!!!

Not that Izuru didn’t let a lot of awful shit happen and then DID awful shit. Like just letting Junko start an apocalypse because you find the world boring and letting her blackmail a room of teens to get them to kill eachother while literally STAYING IN THE BUILDING with the teens killing eachother... that's bad :( Not a good thing.

That and Izuru fixing and putting together the Junko AI to mess up a simulation designed by multiple Ultimates to rehabilitate people and act as like the best therapy ever...

But like that is the extent we ever hear about Izuru is canon! or noncanon if we look at some of the weird novels like Danganronpa Kirigiri or Danganropa Togami (I have read neither in their entirety) but Izuru isn't brought up in either! (that I am aware of)

Yet Izuru in many fics I read is a manipulative asshole who wants people in pain, or I've seen people say that Izuru manipulated Junko into doing the tragedy! Like this dude was kept in a basement thinking they knew everything and having no competition or reason to grow in ability or talk with people, because they knew what they'd say, they knew what reactions they'd envoke, they believed they knew everything and what measure of joy they'd feel or what measure of hate they'd feel.

Even in canon we see in Sdr2 ch0 that they're clearly WRONG about that! They like the unpredictable motions to the waves but assume they will get used to it so no point in getting excited. In UTDP they aren't purposely mean to people. They just find little point in having an elaborate discussion with someone, likely for the exact same reason shown in sdr2 ch0. They'll get used to the person or figure them out (assuming the person just wants to use them for their talents) and get bored of the person.

Izuru is just a hyper depressed super teen who finds things boring or is so pessimistic that they assume even things they like in the moment will be boring... Like I suffer from what I like to call "Understimulated Depression" where if I'm not being given enough mental stimulation, I grow severely depressed. As a result, I'm a dopamine junkie, I need new fun things to do or I wither, and that's SUCH an easy thing to project onto Izuru. Not to say to pity me, but like this fucker had their brain scrambled and body altered through non-legal means and then gets shoved into a room with nothing but a bed. I'd *die* of boredom and so would probably everyone else!

I went on an insane tangent here but like Look at this guy! Insane surgies that suppressed a whole identity to make room for more talent and then evidence of extreme depression and then also left in a dark concrete room :/ You let that fucker OUT and give them proper love and attention? Insane, but maybe they wouldn't have sided with the villain if they'd been given enrichment in their enclosure and a warm sun spot to lay in. Maybe your cat wouldn't be so evil and scratch you if you thought about how a kitty may view you not interacting with it and getting to know it before just going in for the touching and poking and prodding with sinky human hands

[chunkypossum]

Thank you for the tags guys (@jules-writes-stories @fieldofdaisiies @highlordofkrypton)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? More than I realized. 18.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 552,788 Azris week put me over 500k and I forgot to document!!

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kerosene 

So I Start to Say Goodbye ( I have started hyper fixating on the long fic this one inspired. It's .... so.... sad. Praying for a happy ending though)

Come Hel or High Lord ( I should really finish this one... ooops)

Mother Save Us From Your Twisted fate (send help... part two is struggling to get written)

By Solstice End (16,588 words)

5. Do you respond to comments? YES! I am here. to word vomit about the things I can't stop thinking about... I love to talk about them. TALK TO ME

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? sans keurig incident I think I have done a pretty good job of leaving everyone with something happy at the end. All eyes on Eris week though. It's not going to end well ... most angsty I guess would have to be Once Upon a Dream

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Kerosene OR Mother Save Us From Your Twisted fate because of the pain you had to go through to get there.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes but only where it makes sense in a story I am telling. Writing it is so embarrassing and I'm more into the emotional yearning of it all than how horny I can make something. I let other people fill that part of the fandom bc they are infinitely better at it than me.

9. Do you write crossovers? Come Hel or High Lord has the entire MAASiverse cast and I will NEVER do that again LOL.... It's so difficult to deal with all these personalities

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? When I was in High School my BFF and I handwrote Roswell (1999 version bc I am OLD) fanfic together. I WISH I could find those notebooks.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? Forever in my heart of hearts it will be Satosugu for the absolutely beautiful tragedy that they are. They are PAINFUL to even think about but I love them more than anything. Azris is a CLOSE second and they are how I am funneling all of my Satosugu angst and pain bc writing for Satosugu is too painful and I don't think I would be good at it.

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I refuse to consider a world where I don't finish all of them HOWEVER... this one is going to give me the most trouble. I have a very specific vision and it's HARDDDDDDD ... When Even Moonlight Burns 

14. What are your writing strengths? I'm hopeful that I paint the emotion of a scene as well as I feel I do sometimes

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  There are too many to list. I chase the dopamin and as a result... I am not craft focused. Vibes all the way

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I am not fluent enough in anything else to be able to pull it off. I do enjoy reading and writing it in small quips and phrases though.

17. First fandom you wrote for? Again... Roswell (1999) and oh Buffy I think... first one I am actually writing and posting for though is ACOTAR

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? I am just really proud ot have been able to finish the monster of a fic that was Kerosene and will always love it for being my first but I have a couple coming up that the concepts make my toes curl and I can't wait to get out of my head!!! LIVE MY BABIES LIIIIVE (ironic bc my boys won't always lol)

Pressuring y'all next: @born-to-riot @acourtofladydeath @thelovelymadone @brunetterebel010

[viviennevermillion]

Sampo's Journey • Playlist

link to the youtube playlist

in celebration of the new sampo lore drops, i made this. i had to pitch it down due to youtube copyright as with all my playlists but this is how i figured out that "the main character", the song i associate most with sampo, actually sounds like him singing this way. sampo nation this is for you

1. The Greatest Show — The Greatest Showman

so tell me, do you wanna go? where it's covered in all the colored lights? where the runaways are runnin' the night? impossible comes true, it's takin' over you; oh, this is the greatest show. we light it up, we won't come down and the sun can't stop us now.

2. The Main Character — Will Wood

so, god forbid i'm seen just as an average human being. i mean, imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene. i'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy; don't come at me. [...] her majesty says "the royal we demand a standard of loyalty; an agreement to be reverent, lick the emperor's new boots". the court fool got the guillotine, the witches the stake, you the dopamine

3. Why So Serious? — Alice Merton

oh, seems we've lost it; that spark inside that tells us it's all nonsense. stop being so cautious. with every mistake, there comes a lesson learned. so someone tell me: why so serious? why we so serious? when did we get like this?

4. Dancing Through Life — Wicked

dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth. life's more painless for the brainless. why think too hard when it's so soothing?

5. Steal From Corporations — HummusVacuum

sometimes you've gotta steal from corporations! it's your civil obligation. theft is impolite, but water's kinda tight and if you get caught just use the powers of persuasion

6. The Reckless & The Brave — All Time Low

i realized that i didn't fit in, didn't hate, but I didn't quite relate it to my precious little world. so long live the reckless and the brave; i don't think i wanna be saved. my song has not been sung. and long live the fast times, so come what may. i don't think we'll ever be saved, our song has not been sung. long live us

7. Comedy — Bo Burnham

healing the world with comedy. making a literal difference, metaphorically. and yes, most likely, they'll pay me, but I'd do it for free. i am healing the world with comedy. if you wake up in a house that's full of smoke: don't panic. call me, and i'll tell you a joke

8. All Star — Smash Mouth

she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "l" on her forehead. well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming; fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. didn't make sense not to live for fun.

9. Just Like Fire — Pink

just like fire, burning up the way if i can light the world up for just one day. watch this madness, colorful charade! no one can be just like me anyway. just like magic, i'll be flying free; i'ma disappear when they come for me

10. Don't Stop Me Now — Queen

tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time. i feel alive and the world i'll turn it inside out, yeah. i'm floating around in ecstasy. so, don't stop me now.

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

Welp I just re-read Zame, si čisti dopamin because of your WIP post even though it ends on a cliffhanger and I shouldn't do that to myself😭😭😭 please tell me Bojan ends up kissing him

awwww thank you so much for re-reading!!! I know cliffhangers kinda make me wanna tear my hair out, so I'm immensely sorry for leaving it on one for so long aksjsksh 😭

so, I had a dive deep into my notes app and I realised that I actually wrote a decent amount of the final chapter?! like... over 1000 words?!?! which I was NOT expecting at all. it just makes me wonder why I lost motivation, usually if I have a big chunk of something done it just makes me want to finish it even more but gosh, idk 😭 sooooo perhaps I should finally finish it after all these months? 👀 it seems like a tragedy to leave it as is.

anyways, for your commendable bravery of reading an unfinished fic, I now gift to youuuuu (drumroll pleeeeease) the start of the final chapter, so far unseen... until now! enjoy 😌

Chapter 5 - Have I ever told you?

The next couple of days raced by for Bojan. Of course, he spent most of his time simply with Jere enjoying his company, but also getting to know his friends and being taken sightseeing around Finland.

If he was being perfectly honest with himself, a solid (and embarrassing) 70% of the time was spent over-thinking every single interaction and wondering if his sentiments were returned, and how he would even begin to bring it up.

(And if the other 30% was spent stealing glances and touches whenever he could... well. That was no one else's business but his.)

The day of the Tavastia concert was finally upon them, and Bojan had never felt so much anticipation in all his life. He simply could not wait for the atmosphere that he knew would feel like liquid electricity injected straight into his veins, heightened even more when he would step out onto stage with Jere, to a crowd not expecting him.

And yet... something was nagging at the back of Bojan's mind. Because as much as he was looking forward to sharing a stage with Jere - with Käärijä - it was also tainted by the fact he knew that he wore his heart on his sleeve and was as easy to read as a book. Maybe not by Jere himself, (because that man had proved himself to be clueless even at the best of times) but by the hundreds of people watching, and the countless thousands more inevitably watching videos online afterwards.

He knew that the fans were perceptive, and he knew that he didn't trust himself enough to keep his reactions and his goddamn smiles under control whenever he's around Jere, and as much as he might try, he knew there would be absolutely nothing he could do about it. To his eternal annoyance, he was in way too deep.

However, despite his worrying, a part of him really didn't care. It was highly likely that any embarrassing, lovesick moments on his part would be seen as a performance, simply fan-service and nothing more... but that simultaneously filled another part of him with dread and nausea, as he feared that is how Jere himself would view their antics. Playing it up for the crowd. Evoking reactions. Getting people talking.

"Bojan?"

He jumped. Jere was looking straight at him and... oh. He was shirtless. Clearly, Bojan had been too inside his own head to even notice him losing an item of clothing. Great, and now he was staring.

ask me about one of my wips!