#the dye hurt the worst though I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

[ox1-lovesick]

I nearly died bleaching my hair yesterday how does Yeonjun do this every 3 days

[hlvrai-loving]

Tricks, Treats, And a Falling Out

"Spooky scary skeletons~" Josh softly hums, dabbing a bit of white face paint onto his cheeks. He wouldn't be doing his whole face, of course, but what little he did put would serve as a nice nod to the Batter's monochrome appearance.

"... send shivers down your spiiine~" Then again... monochrome is black, white, and gray, right? There's probably another word for just the two opposing shades...

His phone buzzed on the countertop, a message reminding him to bring water and to be ready in five. Well, what luck it was that he was already dressed, wasn't it? As for water... Josh decided to bring his backpack for any refreshments he'd inevitably end up carrying, starting with a few bottles filled to the brim with cold water.

With most of his costume ready in advance, Joshua placed the cap on his head and checked in on his room, just to ensure he hadn't forgotten anything.

And it was then that his eyes fell on the aluminum bat.

Things... Stakes, you could call them, seemed to be mounting these days. Whatever the hell happened with the eyes and... that man... they wouldn't stop just for the sake of a holiday. He'd kept himself from bringing it to school, of course, but... trick or treating would be different. Even with his friends and Tiff around, he wouldn't be safe... Even if he'd hate to admit it, Joshua knew it'd be better safe than sorry.

And so went the bat into the bag, for later protection.

After that little debate with himself, Josh made his way to the device, explaining to CB and his "friends on the other side" that he'd be unavailable for the night and that he wished for them to take care and keep an eye out. And with that, another buzz of his phone let him know the time had come.

Tossing the bag onto his back, the teen hit the lights and left the room.

Upon opening the front door, he was greeted to the sight of Allen, a jumpy tune coming from his person as the visualizer displayed on his jacket danced. "Yo yo yoooo~! Wassup Dorkman? Ready to purify?" He let out, causing Josh to giggle.

"Yeah yeah, just about. What is going on theeere?" He questioned, referring to the animated clothing. Al grinned, glancing down at it.

"Awe, this ol' thing? Just a little something foster Pops helped me out with. It's connected to the music on my phone and lights up to the beat. Hook in a few speakers here and there and you've got the KING OF DUBSTEP, BUDDY! Heh, same thing's going on with the glasses, but, uh, can't really see shit when it's going off so I'm only turning that on when I really don't need to use my eyes anyways."

"Ghdfff!! What!! You're telling me you just invented a new kind of jacket like it was nothing??"

Al shrugged. ""Invented" is too strong a word for something like this. I'd rather call it "pushing the limits of reality". Much more humble."

J laughed softly. "H-humble my ass, you douche! God damn it, Al."

"Mweh mweh, can we getta move on? The girls are waiting for us a little ways down the road."

"Ey, don't you tell me what to do!"

"Oi, you talking back ta me? Ya givin' me liiip?" The pale teen made sure to pop the "p" as best as he could. Josh couldn't help but smile, shutting and locking the door behind him as he made his way out.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Al."

The night air hung cold, Autumn managing to chill even this town it seemed. As far as Joshua knew, this was the first time he could recall actually shivering upon heading outside. Allen seemed to notice this, lightly hitting his arm.

"Cold cuz you haven't been out in months, ey Joshie?"

"Oh shut it, I'm not cold. Just... It's a bit chillier than I remember."

"Yeah yeah, Mr "I wear a blanket while cruising the space-web"!"

"Shut uuuupp! I do nooot!"

"Do toooo! I saw you when I visited!"

The teen lightly punched his friend's arm right back. "Hush it, would you? Now, where're the girls?" He pondered, resulting in Allen taking him by the wrist and leading him forward as a new song started.

"Riiiight over here, Dorkman."

And sure enough, there they were. Clera was gushing over Tiff's modern take on the stitched together monstrosity, while Tiff was doing her damndest to deny that it was really anything to be impressed over. Upon seeing the boys arrive, Clera quickly made her way over, excited as ever. Her black top and adjoining skirt were riddled with hearts and flowery patterns, which shimmered ever so slightly in the light of the street lamps.

"Joshie!! Hiiii! Your costume looks great!" She chirped out, her contagious enthusiasm causing even Joshua's woes to fade onto his mind's abyss for a little bit longer.

He smiled. "Hahah, it's really nothing. Especially not compared to yours! Did you make it yourself, Cler?"

Her eyes lit up at his kind words, fingers trailing the lace hem of the skirt. "Ehehee! You know it! I sketched it out then I coloured it and me and dad had to go out to get the right fabrics for it, then we went ahead and made it proper! I had to buy the shoes though."

"Wow... How long'd that take you?"

"Around a month!" She giggled.

"Jesus, just a month? Where'd you find the time to make it?" Allen butted in, rather surprised.

She shrugged. "Ooh, but mine's nothing compared to Tiff's!! Give it a looook! Doesn't she look great?" She cheered, the other girl bashfully turning away.

"Cler, mine's not that gooood! Stoooop!" She pleaded, looking away. And, true, it wasn't much. Just a leather jacket, an electric blue shirt, some torn black jeans, and the more "monsterful" additions the studs, makeup, and spray dye gave. It was for the most part the bare minimum one would need to say they were in costume, but... it was still a costume nonetheless.

May as well praise the effort.

"Yeah, hah, she looks amazing, Cler." Josh smiled. Allen, on the other hand...

"Well... It's not exactly creative, is it?" He grinned, earning an annoyed glare from Tiff and an unamused pout from Clera.

"Sooo? She still did her best! I think it looks incredible!" The petite witch told, reassuringly holding her girlfriend's arm.

"Yeah, at least I'm not a walking light show. How was that creative?" Tiff retorted.

"Ey ey, excuse my goddamn French, but did you just diss the drip, Tiffy?"

"That is not "drip"! That's a jacket that lights up! You may as well have gone as a lamp!"

"Oh ho ho! Is that whatcha think?? Well, listen here-"

"Guys!" Joshua interjected. Evidently, it seemed something may have happened between the two beforehand to cause such tension... "Let's just... wh-why don't we just get started, huh? We're, uh, h-here to trick or treat, aren't we? S-so, heh..."

At Tiff's side, Clera uncomfortably shifted. The taller teen let out a sigh. "Fine fine. Might as well... My folks want me to be home at 11, so we're better off not wasting time."

"We won't. I promise you, we'll have more than enough time to get all the candy we could ever need before 11." Josh gave a small smile as Tiff coldly stared down at him.

"Yeah yeah..." She muttered, heading to the house nearest to them with Clera. Before he could follow, Josh pulled Allen aside.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"What'dya mean?"

"Al, don't play dumb with me. Did you and Tiff have a fight or something? You looked like you were both on the verge of throwing hands or something!"

Allen shrugged, clearly uninterested in providing an actual response. "Dunno... Didn't you just say a second ago that we have to start? Shouldn't we join 'em before they hit up too many houses?"

Joshua sighed, figuring Al would just keep denying it if he continued. "Fine, but I'm not dropping the subject."

"Oh, you will." The pale boy reassured, patting Joshua's shoulder as he passed him by. He frowned slightly. Later, he would get to the bottom of this, but for now?... For now, he supposed he had no choice but to follow his friend and truly start their night of candy hunting.

With a quick glance at the emptiness behind him, Joshua made his way forward to their first house of the night.

~~~~~~~

"Never thought I'd see the day." Al smirked, tearing open a chocolate bar. "Figured full-sized treats were but a legend these days!"

"Dude, aren't you supposed to, like, look through those?" Tiff regarded, dismissively running her fingers through her hair.

"Pfft, why? Not like anyone would bother tampering with these." He sneered, messily devouring the entire confection as the girl turned away in disgust.

The group had decided to take a short break, hydrating and taking a short sit on a park bench. They'd amassed quite an impressive stash of sugary goodness, as well as more than a few snide remarks surrounding their age, but the latter wasn't important at the moment.

Instead, Joshua's attention was focused solely on the empty playground ahead, the swings swaying softly in the gentle breeze. Seemed like only yesterday, he was still having fun in a set just like this. He and his friends would play for hours, making up silly games with whatever imaginary rules their minds could come up with. Running around, getting scrapes and bruises and thinking it was the end of the world, as if that was the worst they would ever get hurt...

He sat back against the bench, feeling more tired than ever. Things... were practically unrecognizable now than how they were when he was a kid. The idea of play and fun forever being within his reach had withered into nothing years ago, and the fears he had then couldn't hold a candle to whatever monsters kept him up on particularly stressful nights. It was all surreal... Unfamiliar, yet...

Josh shook his head slightly, he'd worry about all of that when the time came. It always did in the end. Might as well deny that bridge when he inevitably came to it, right?

"Joshie, hey..." Clera lightly nudged him, tearing the boy from his thoughts. He gave her a glance, and she happily showed him a chocolate witch someone placed in her bag. "It's a me!"

Joshua couldn't help but laugh. Once again, Cler unknowingly saves the day. "It sure is. Could do with a lot more hearts though, huh?"

"Ehehe! You know it!" She placed it back into her bag, lightly swinging her legs. "... So, Joshie?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you do all day when you're not at school?"

"... Ah, I..." He began playing with his fingers. "... Just... c-coding, mostly. Nothing m-much else, why?"

"Mmm... We don't get to see you much anymore."

"... R-right, I... I'm real sorry about that, I just-"

"I even had good ideas on what we could do together." She continued, her head down. "Better than the mall and a movie, i-if that's why. I can come up with better ones too if you don't like them."

"... Clera, you... I haven't stopped hanging with you guys because I didn't like it, I'm just... I'm going through a lot right now. Things that I... I can't explain to you correctly. I hardly-"

She cut him off, fidgeting slightly. "Because I wouldn't understand, right?"

He fell silent for a few brief moments, "I... C-Clera, it's more than th-that... I'm... It's a f-family matter... You know, p-personal. I haven't told a-anyone."

The girl remained unresponsive for a few moments, staring down at her feet. Then, she only answered with a quiet "Oh."

"... Hey, we... we've still got a few more houses to go before 11. Why don't we get back to it, huh?" He forced a gentle smile. "Maybe someone will give you more chocowitches..."

Clera gazed up at him with sad eyes, but nodded regardless, picking up her candy bag, standing from her seat, and brushing off her skirt. Josh went ahead and informed the other two that they were ready to head off once more.

And unseen from a nearby rooftop, a skeleton sang out a few notes of blue as it watched them leave.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

The Eel River Inn (12/?)

When Bucky comes back from a short mission with Clint and Sam, he finds you and your Aunt in something of a standoff in the kitchen. You were still manic and still trying to burn the candle at both ends. He’d been with you overnight and left again. Now two days later, apparently things had not improved. Judging by the worry on Sarah’s face, they’d gotten worse. 

“Y/N, so help me Christ, if you don’t drink this Gatorade and eat something I’m going to call your mother and make her take you to the inpatient unit until they fix your meds again.” She says, watching you carefully. She’d told Bucky once that you were always a bigger danger to yourself than anyone else. Seeing you now, arms wrapped around yourself, shivering despite the heat in the kitchen, he believed it. You had bandages around one wrist and you were shaking so hard from exhaustion and god knew what else that you could hardly stand. 

Sarah desperately didn’t want to send you to the hospital. You hated it. It reminded you of your break down. It made you feel like a failure every single time. She didn’t want to do that to you but she would if it kept you alive. She shot Bucky a pleading look, hoping that the super-soldier would recognize just how bad off you really were and not listen to you protesting that you were fine and you didn’t need to go. He dropped his bag gently and quietly, carefully wrapped his arm around you, taking your uninjured wrist to take your pulse. It was dropping so he assumed that the Gatorade was for your sodium level. It made sense if you’d been sweating your ass off in the barn. “Doll,” he said, picking up the Gatorade, “Drink this. Or I’ll take you to the hospital and check you in myself.” You look up at him on the verge of tears. You feel fine and you don’t understand why they think you need to go. It’s scarier to you that they think you need to go. 

The fear and confusion in your face break Bucky’s heart. You look so afraid and vulnerable. But when you take the Gatorade and drink a sip he pulls you close and cuddles you. He knows this isn’t over but it’s a start. He pulls you into his lap and sits in a kitchen chair, rocking you gently and trying to encourage you to drink your drink as Sarah starts to make something for you to eat. Eggs, bacon, toast. You have a soft spot for ice cream and breakfast food. You’re crying quietly and trying to get up but Bucky holds you firmly in place. 

You’re no match for a metal arm and super-soldier serum. Not in your current state. Though, Bucky reasons. You probably could hold your own if you were on top of your game. He kissed your head and held you until you’d drank your Gatorade and started you on another. “I really fucking hate Gatorade,” you grumble as Sarah gambles on getting you to eat AND take an Ativan. You needed sleep. You were rapidly approaching hallucination territory and when you got there you WERE going to the hospital. Bucky held on tight and coaxed you gently. Once you’d eaten some of your plate and the Ativan had knocked you the fuck out, he carried you upstairs and laid you on your bed, tucking you in carefully before going back downstairs. 

“I was afraid I was really going to have to call her mom,” she said with a shaky laugh, handing Bucky a beer, “I’m glad you came in when you did.” He took the beer and sighed, “Me too,” he said, “She has nightmares about hospitals.” Sarah winced, “I know. But sometimes… I know she’d never hurt us. Or Lady. But I’m terrified that I’ll find her dead one day.” She took a sip of her own beer and started doing the dishes for something to do with her hands. “What happened to her arm?” Bucky asked. Sarah handed him a plate to dry and he took it and put it away. “I’m not really sure. She told me it was a burn but… It was bandaged when I got here and I was afraid to press too hard. She almost wouldn’t open the door for me.”

Bucky nodded and stretched, “What should I do when she comes back around?” he asked. “Try and feed her again. Another Gatorade. See if you can’t get her to call her therapist and leave a voicemail about making an appointment. If she’s cycling this fast her meds need to be adjusted.” Bucky nods and takes a deep breath, “Anything she should eat? Shouldn’t eat?” Sarah nodded, “Avoid Red dye, grapefruit, and alcohol at all costs.” she said, “Also artificial sweeteners. She’s allergic to them and it will give her the worst migraine.”  Bucky nodded and kissed her cheek, “I’ll take care of her,” he promised softly. “We’ll get her through and making crazy shit in her barn again in no time.” Sarah hugged him, “I’m really glad you came to town that day,” she said. “you’re a good man, Bucky. You’re a good man and she loves you. So much. I can’t name one other person that can do what you just did and try to hold her down and NOT come away bleeding.” Bucky blushed and looked away, “The arm is good for things like that.” He knew you loved him. He knew it. He loved you too and it broke his heart watching your mind come apart at the edges. 

When Sarah left, Bucky sank into the couch and turned on the TV. He was still hyped up from the mission and the drama in the kitchen. He would have gone upstairs to you but he didn’t want to risk waking you flopping around. You needed rest. 

For now, it was enough that you were safe in your bed. You were going to be fine, all he had to do was keep watch for a little bit. That he could do. He knew that Lady was with you and she’d bark if anything happened. She’d bark and bring him to you. 

He still couldn’t sleep. He waited for you to wake up. Eager to hold you. Eager to get you to eat. He’d happily feed you all the ice cream in your freezer. As long as you ate and went back to sleep, he told himself. Tags: @mschellehitt

[dearmyblank]

tw: heavy swearing, mentions of self harm, misogyny, transphobia, possible mental abuse.

JD,

I didn’t want to waste my time on writing a letter but I have things to say and I’m done talking to you. I’m done. One thing you’ll learn -- or not -- about me is that I keep my word. You can message me again. I’ll kindly remind you that we are not friends and we will never be. You can get pissed again if you want. But I will not have another argument with you. I will not be called names and brought down by a boy that I don’t owe a damn thing to. I am trying to be as civil as I can to you because I know that I broke your heart or whatever but that does not give you an excuse to treat me the way you have and if you continue then I will go as far to block your number and all of your social media accounts. I’m not playing games. I said I wanted no drama and I meant it. I said that I was done and I meant it.

Writing this is just a large step in making sure I get there sooner rather than later.

I don’t think that I’m being immature. Yeah, I’m mad. I’m pissed. That is my right. Yeah, I hold grudges. Just because you can move on from things in the blink of eye doesn’t mean that everyone can and that doesn’t mean they’re wrong and you’re right. People are different. When I get hurt, I get angry and I put my foot down. I say that’s enough, I’ve had it, I’m done. When you get hurt, apparently you insult people behind their back to their own family members. Do you really think I care if I have a boyfriend? You told my little sister, my fourteen year old little sister that you were blatantly harassing until she finally had to block you, that I would not find a boyfriend anytime soon if I didn’t open up. You took back saying that I was sweet and adorable and sophisticated. You turned around and called me cruel, emotionless and cold. You said I was an actor and I bought my feelings, you said that I have no regards for anyone else and that I liked playing with your feelings, you literally told my own mother that I was bullying you because I wasn’t happy in our relationship and I tried to explain that to you. You blew up on me all because I said that I didn’t want to keep having the same argument (that you always started, mind you) again and again and again -- after I’d had it with you three days in a row. You went off on me because I refused to fight with you. You went off on me because I didn’t want to hear how much you missed me and how hurt you were every single day. I felt guilty enough on my own. I explained everything to you a handful of times and you always got angry again over nothing. You think that I should forgive you because I’m being over dramatic by holding grudges -- as if you weren’t being over dramatic by telling me that you regretted ever being with me and that I was a terrible person with no heart, after I straight up told you how people had called me heartless before and it was clear it upset me. You think that I need to grow up, imagine that!

Now listen, I don’t really give a damn what you think about me, not anymore. I know that I deserve someone that is willing to wait for me to come around, someone that is patient and understanding and doesn’t try to change me. I deserve someone that doesn’t pressure me every single time they see me to have a conversation with them when I have nothing to say, when I’m anxious and I want to be left alone for five goddamn minutes. I deserve someone that doesn’t turn things around to a story about a time when they were little and got spooked over a spider when I admit to them that I just had the worst panic attack of my fucking life. I deserve someone that doesn’t make me sit through a two hour video chat when I’m tired, on the verge of tears and just want to sleep because I can’t come up with another excuse. (Apparently being exhausted and afraid I’m going to get set off again is not a good enough excuse. Damn, I should have just said no. I shouldn’t have cared if it offended you.) I deserve someone that I am excited to see, not dreading. I deserve someone that doesn’t tell me they would have asked my sister out before me if she had been old enough. I don’t think I realized how fucking toxic you were until I was free of you, until I finally broke up with you and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And no amount of gifts or claims that you loved me change the fact that you made me and still make me feel like shit. So you know what, JD?

Fuck you.

I really wanted to say that when we were arguing but I didn’t. I really wanted to scream it in your face while you were at work. But I can’t. So I will say it here. Fuck you. Fuck you for slipping your hand under my bra multiple times, with my sister in the same fucking room, for trying again and again even after I yanked your arm out, for making me come right out and say that it made me uncomfortable before you stopped. It didn’t take a fucking genius to realize I was uncomfortable and you were crossing boundaries. It didn’t take a fucking genius to realize I didn’t want my sister to overhear me speaking to you and catch on. Fuck you for yelling at me in the middle of a public store. You did not get super loud, thank God, and I don’t think anyone noticed, but thanks to you I could not stop shaking as I tried to ring up my groceries and talk to the woman beside of me that was asking about my hair. Fuck you for saying that you “let me” dye my hair. It was not your fucking decision and it never was. I wasn’t asking you. I was telling you. Fuck you for trying to talk me out of it when you knew that it was something I was really excited for. Fuck you for everyone asking what you thought before they asked what I thought, which isn’t really your fault, but it made me angry. It is my hair and it is my opinion matters. Not yours. Fuck you for not wanting me to get my lip pierced because you didn’t want to taste metal when you kissed me even though it was a big step for me and I told you that I wanted to stop being afraid to do something I wanted to do because of what people might think. Fuck you for having my mom side with you over me. Fuck you for leading her to ask what I’d done when you shouted at me out of nowhere, when I smiled at you because I thought we were on okay terms, because the last I knew you weren’t angry with me.

You’re too hard to read. You know that Katy Perry song? Yeah. You’re hot and you’re cold. That’s the one.

But lately you’re just an asshole.

Maybe you always were a bit of an asshole, but not to me. Or maybe I didn’t want to see it because you were my first boyfriend and my family liked you and my aunt said I was lucky and you bought me chocolate and roses and held my hand. But you also told me that I was prettier than most of your coworkers, you said that they were jealous and you asked how that made me feel. I didn’t believe you anyway. I said neutral. I think you were trying to compliment me but that isn’t the way to do it. I think you liked pitting me against other girls. I think you thought that built up my confidence but it didn’t. You always talked about how I was nicer than the other girls, said that if I hadn’t been home schooled most of my life I would act holier than thou which really pissed me off. I am who I am, I wouldn’t have turned into an awful person just because I went to a public high school. You acted like it was such a good thing when I spent years of my life lonely, anxious and depressed, feeling like a bird in a cage, because I had no one. But thank God I didn’t think I was too good for you, right? Well. Maybe I should have thought that.

But back to the topic at hand.

It might be hard for you to believe since you have trouble opening your mind to anything at all but I actually don’t want other girls to be jealous of me. I want other girls to be happy with themselves. I want other girls to feel beautiful. I want other girls to look at me and say “hey, that girl is brave, she has cool hair” or “oh, that girl is pretty” but I don’t want them to look at me and think “wow, I wish I looked like that girl and not myself” because girls are fucking wonderful and you have no fucking right to decide any girl’s worth. Not a stranger’s. Not your girlfriend’s. Not your sister’s. Not any of them. I should have seen the signs when you said that a girl you worked with cut her hair and you told her that she looked like Justin Bieber. And you laughed about it. Like it was a joke. Like you expected me to find it funny. Like it’s not a scary thing for a girl to alter her appearance so drastically like that. Like she probably wasn’t hurt over it, like she probably could get your voice out of her head, your stupid insult when all you had to do was ignore it altogether or tell her that it looked nice. It was early on in our relationship so I just stared at you thin lipped, I didn’t say anything. I should have said something. I should have called you out for being an asshole.

I shouldn’t have waited so long to say something to you when you used a trans slur. I shouldn’t have waited so long when you looked at an article about gender identity and said “now they’re just making up words”. I should have broke up with you the moment you defended Donald Trump by saying that “he didn’t know the mic was on”, by saying that “every guy talks about women like that”. You told my fourteen year old sister that every guy says things about grabbing women by their pussies. Right. She totally needs to grow up believing that.

I shouldn’t have just said that it didn’t make it right and let you change the subject. I should have said that if every guy talked about women like that then maybe I would get myself a girlfriend instead -- but of course, I was afraid of outing myself to you because you would probably out me to everyone. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to break up with me. I wanted out a long time before I got out. You made a joke about me not cutting myself once too. I almost told you the truth. I’m so glad I bit my tongue. You got angry I didn’t trust you? I have never made a smarter decision.

I understand that we’re supposed to forgive people and move on. I understand that you have a learning disorder that makes you act in certain ways. But I can’t be with someone I don’t want to be with. I can’t coddle you. I can't continue trying to be friends with a man that acts like a child, that has a temper that frightens me, that makes me fall back into the pit I have worked so hard to stay out of. I can’t associate myself with a man like you, a man that is so fucking closed minded and disgusting. I can’t get along with a man that makes me lay in bed at night trying not to cry, wishing against everything in me that I could grab the scissors off of my desk and slice my legs up and down until my skin was as numb as I felt inside.

You made me feel numb again. You are the first thing since the last time I put the blade down that has made me regret being clean and I hate you for that.

I know I said that I didn’t hate you. That’s a lie, I think.

I think I do hate you. I think I hate you. I hate you. I fucking hate your guts. I literally found myself wishing the other night you would enlist yourself in the army so I didn’t have to deal with you anymore, so I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. And I know that sounds awful but you think I'm awful already so I might as well be honest, right? The thing is, JD, I finally feel like I can breathe again but I can’t even fucking enjoy that because I don’t know that you won’t decide revenge tactics are more your style and come after me. I shouldn’t have to be afraid to go out in public. I shouldn’t have to worry that you’re going to show up out of the blue waving a knife around or something. I am beyond thankful that you don’t have your license. I hope that your next ex-girlfriend doesn’t have to feel this kind of fear and I hope that she doesn’t let you trap her in a relationship too. Honestly, I’m actually concerned about her. I said I want you to be happy and that’s the truth, but I wouldn’t wish you on my own worst enemy.

But maybe my own worst enemy is you.

So I’m sorry. And fuck you again, for making me feel sorry.

- AD.

[theyoungest-weasley]

James Potter Imagine 2

Request: Could you do a James x reader where they are having a prank wars but OMG they're so romantic but also hate each other at the same time if ya know what I mean?! Love you and your blog btw❤️✨:)

so I’m super exited to write this!! its such a good idea I can’t wait!

____________________________________________________________________

You crouched down behind the suit of armor in the hall, waiting to hear that asshole James Potter’s voice. You had set up stink bombs to go off when you said a simple spell with your wand. Not only that, but James would also be covered with bright pink paint, that would hopefully dye his hair. 

“I’m telling you, Padfoot,” you heard James’s voice, “She’s so bloody annoying!”

“Mhmmm,” You heard Sirius respond skeptically, “Just last night you said she was hot.”

“Well, I never said that, but maybe you should have taken me to Madam Pomfrey! Clearly I was having some sort of nervous breakdow-”

With a flick of your wand James and Sirius were covered head to toe in foul smelling pink goo. 

James took off his glasses to show two perfectly circle untouched area’s of skin around his eyes, which made you howl with laughter. 

Sirius was attempting to pull the goo out of his hair, devastated. 

“I can’t see!” Sirius complained.

“Y/n!” James shouted, fuming in your direction.

You were doubled over in laughter, “Oh my- I’m so- this is just too funny!” James began stomping towards you, leaving pink footprints in his path.

“Good luck getting that out of your hair!” You yelled over your shoulder as you ran away from James and his confused friend.

_____________________________________________________________________

James marched into the Great Hall with pink hair the next morning, making you snort with laughter, failing miserably to hide it. 

James sat next to you and glared at you.

You only giggled, “Have you done something new with your hair, James?”

“Ha ha,” He responded sarcastically, getting closer to your face.

You felt butterflies in your stomach, it’s only because I hate him so much, not because he’s attractive or anything, you attempted (and failed) to convince yourself.

There was a pause and you could’ve sworn James glanced at your lips for a moment. 

He looked back up at your eyes.

“Just you wait, Y/n. You won’t know what hit you.” 

He got up to leave and you suddenly had a moment of confidence. You stood up with him and looked straight into his anger glistened eyes, but.. there was also something else there.... lust? No... 

You shook the feeling and moved along, “Do tell me, James,” you said with very smug mock concern, “where’s Sirius?”

James’s confidence faltered, “T-That’s none of your business. Why? Do you... care about him or something?” James finished quickly.

You scoffed and put your face even closer to his, “No, my guess is just that poor little Padfoot was too scared to leave his dormitory with pink hair.”

James fumed even more, getting even closer to your face, “Padfoot can do whatever he wants, he just wasn’t hungry this morning.”

“Sure,” you smiled falsely, sitting down as James began to clam down and start to walk away

“Just,” you waited for James to turn around, “tell him I’m sure he looks ravishing.”

You saw James’s fists clench as he stormed out of the Great Hall. You let out a short breath and looked over at your friends, who were smirking at you. 

“What?” for some reason you blushed. 

Y/f/n looked back and forth between you and the door, “This little charade is cute to watch, but we all know you are head over heels for James.”

You mouth fell opened and for some reason you blushed harder, becoming flustered, “N-no... No! There is no way I could ever like... him. I mean, he’s... annoying! Um...” you blushed as you struggled to think of things. On any other day you could make a list of 101 reasons why James Potter is a self-absorbed prat, but right now, you were a stuttering mess. 

“Sure,” y/f/n smirked.

“I don’t... like him,” you mumbled to yourself, standing up from the table and walking out the doors of the Great Hall.

____________________________________________________________________

“I’m telling you, Padfoot, shes-”

“- So bloody annoying, we know!” Sirius rolled his eyes as he straightened his beanie.

“I think she seems nice,” Peter interjected, “She helped out with my charms homework one time.”

James shot Peter an angry look and pointed to his hair, “Does this seem nice?”

Peter looked at the ground.

“What in Merlin’s name are you doing?” Remus had arrived at the Gryffindor common room to see James standing in the middle of Peter and Sirius filling a  metal bucket with water. 

“I’m,” James said confidently, “going to get y/n back for messing with me and Sirius.”

“This is such a stupid idea,” Remus sighed.

“Whatever,” James was almost done filling up the bucked. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little odd how much time you’ve invested into thinking about Y/n? I mean, you’re always talking about her,” Peter asked.

“That’s because she makes me angry,” he responded, talking to Peter as though he was a child.

“Are you sure,” Remus said cautiously, “you don’t... like her?”

“W-what?” James said, a blush appearing on his cheeks, “That. Is. Ridiculous. I could never like her! Sure, she’s kinda hot, and good at playing pranks, and funny, and smart,” he looked up at his friends, who were now on the verge of laughing. He blushed harder, “But that’s not the point! She’s the worst!”

“Sure, Prongs,” Sirius rolled his eyes once more.

_____________________________________________________________________

You wiped the tears off of your eyes, trying you best to stay calm and collected. 

You looked down at the crumpled paper in your hand. You couldn’t do this anymore.

Your pureblood family had officially disowned you, sending a letter to let you know that for Christmas break (which was only a week away) you wouldn’t have any home to go home to, and basically said ‘good luck with finding a place to stay over the summer, blood traitor.’ After making tons of Gryffindor friends, you parents had warned you to fall in with the right crowd, perhaps hand out with Regulus Black. You ignored their warnings and began pointing out their racists comments and ideals at home. After years of defending muggle-borns, half bloods, and ‘blood traitors,’ they had finally decided that you weren’t a member of their family. 

You looked up at the Fat Lady, she didn’t even ask you for the password, just giving you a ‘I’m sorry, dear,’ and letting you in. Immediately you were covered in water, charmed with some sort of spell to make you slip every time you got back up. You heard James’s laughter and looked up from where you were sitting on the ground. 

“I told you not to mess with me, Y/n!”

You remained silent and held up the soaking parchment, black ink running off the paper.

The last time you would ever hear from your family, and it was ruined. 

You felt your voice crack and you began to sob. Hugging the letter close to your body you cried the hardest you ever had in your life. 

“Y-yn?” James seemed worried now, “I-it was only a joke I never meant to hurt you feelings I swear, I’m so sorry,” he said genuinely.

You heard Remus mutter a spell under his breath and the water slid off your face and clothes and back into the bucket, leaving you perfectly dry. You felt a glimmer of hope and looked at the letter again. It was dry, but all that was left of the writing was black blobs. You put a hand over your mouth and stared at the letter, tears streaming down your face but no longer sobbing, this was it. Your parents were done with you, and you knew it was all your fault. Id only you had just done what they asked... you might still have a family. 

“Y/n..” James said quietly and he slowly sat down on the ground next to you, “What’s wrong?”

You honestly didn’t care who it was anymore, you just needed someone there. You turned and put your head in James’s chest and he slowly wrapped his arms around you, still confused. 

“T-they don’t want me anymore,” your muffled voice said.

“Who?”

You ripped away from James, standing up and waving the letter around, tears running down your cheeks and almost in hysterics.

“My fucking parents! My whole fucking family! I got fucking disowned!” You heard yourself laugh, “I got fucking disowned! How funny is that? They sent me a letter and said ‘good luck out there! We don’t fucking want you anymore!’ And now,” you stopped laughing and your voice quieted, you looking at the parchment in your hand, “The last letter I have from them is destroyed.”

James rushed over to you and pulled you into a hug, “I’m so sorry, y/n.”

You cried silently into his chest and the two of you slowly sat down on the ground. Eventually you looked up at him to see he was crying as well. 

“James,” you laughed a little, in spite of everything wrong with your life, “Why are you crying? My family didn’t disown you,” you were able to joke.

You wiped a tear from his cheek and he smiled back, breaking your heart, “Because you’re crying.” 

“So?”

“I don’t like to see you cry.”

“Why is that?” You whispered back after a short pause.

“Because you deserve to be happy,” he responded in the same whisper.

“Do you know what makes me happy?” You asked, feeling confident in his arms.

James simply shook his head.

“You.”

James closed the gap between the two of you and you ran a hand through his hair. 

You pulled apart after a few moments, both of your eyes red and puffy from crying.

“You know what?” James said excitedly, “You can come stay with my family for Christmas! My parents will love you!”

You laughed at his excitement and looked up at him, “Can you believe you hated me just a few days ago?”

James blushed, “i never hated you. Love is shockingly easily mistaken for hate.”

[subjectsilver]

my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and  makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help  me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt  

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something  right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol) 

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems.  all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies 

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

 fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective. 

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight