#the fact that people read this and understand what I mean astonishes me

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

The fact that Crowley was convinced that they‘re royally f*cked in the moment Lucifer was about to turn up. He thought Satan was going to literally end them, he thought that this is it, Nice knowing you Angel but this is it. We‘re going to die here.

And then Aziraphale said Do something or I’ll never talk to you again and Crowley, despite believing that this is their end, that they won’t survive, still thought Oh sh*t no i can‘t bear that.

Because only the idea of Aziraphale never talking to him again, even though they’re apparently about to die, is so horrible that he literally stops time to avoid it. He can not die while knowing that his Angel doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

That‘s love right there folks.

[homunculus-argument]

You have on several occasions said that you can't read analog clock. Is there something preventing you from learning it or is it just that no one has ever just sat you down and actually explained with several examples how to read clock?

I have no idea when I was supposed to learn it - one day I was just eight years old and peers and adults were astonished like what do you mean you can't read a clock? like I completely missed the part where I was supposed to learn that. And I guess my parents tried to teach me a few times but the experience was unpleasant for everyone involved so they just kinda gave up.

I can read the exact hour, half-hour is tricky but I can vaguely pierce it together if I remember roughly around what hour we're going on, but if both of the clock hands are just pointing to random directions, I'm better off guesstimating the time from the position of the sun. I learned to read on my own when I was like 5, but somehow I just never managed to comprehend how the way these pointy hands point at numbers tell the time, the same way I learned to understand how every letter means a sound and when you read them together, words come out.

I still don't. If I'm somewhere where I can't look at my phone, and there's no digital clock anywhere (I've gotten good at learning all the places I might catch a glimpse of one), I just flat-out don't know what time it is. I've learned to trick people who can read clock faces into giving me some sort of a hint of what time it is without cluing them in on the fact that I can't read it, because that was something I could figure out how to do.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Asa Mitaka from Chainsaw Man the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Asa-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a manga panel of Asa in the top right corner, she has been edited to be wearing a blue cap with the words "Please be patient I have autism" printed on the front. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"Goes to the aquarium with a guy and infodumps about sea anemonies."

"I kin her unironically. Unbelievable social awkward. Goes to an aquarium date where she spends the entire time explaining facts about the Animals fully in an attempt to impress her date. She must be avenged from the ADHD vs Autism bracket. Is isolated from her peers. Chronically lonely but won't open up to anyone(not sure if that's an Autism thing or just a personal problem probably a combination of both) Have you read the Manga?"

"has a VERY hard time with social interaction"

"She is absolutely baffled by everything + doesn't get most things at first"

"there's an extended scene where she flirts with a boy by lecturing him about sea anemone life cycles, breeding patterns, and other extended trivia. the whole time she is thinking to herself "he must be falling in love with me right about now. this is an irresistible date." "

"Literally infodumps to the boy shes on a date with for like 3 straight pages and then goes "i'm so alluring. he definetely wants me now" "

"from the scene that was all over tumblr where she infodumps about starfish on an aquarium date and considers this her Ultimate Seduction Technique. a guy on reddit literally got diagnosed because he could relate to her. it's awesome"

"Tried to impress a guy on a date by monologuing starfish facts about him, was genuinely astonished that that didn't drive him wild with desire. Also she's sharing her body with a horsewoman of the apocalypse but that's unrelated."

"If her long-winded rant about sea creatures as an attempt to seduce someone wasn't enough, then a lot of her trauma is based around being ostracized for being weird and quiet. She doesn't understand people but wants companionship anyways, even if shes also afraid of it."

"She feels disconnected to her peers. She literally infodumps while on a date for thirty minutes about starfish. She doesn't see this as a social faux pas, but rather something any sane person would do. (Basically, doesn't realize this is abnormal.) She misses social cues frequently. She feels below average empathy, I'd say. Asa also said she wanted to die after embarrassing herself in public. That doesn't mean she's autistic or anything, but I'm autistic and I do it a lot. Also, I'm autistic and I relate to her, so she kind of has a peer reviewed diagnosis by me lol."

"Socially awkward and prone to info dumping."

"shes cringe fail and has no idea what shes doing ever i love her so much (shes just like me fr"

"I’m sure you’ve seen her failgirl cringe aquarium infordump that she’s sure will charm any boy (note: fails to charm the world’s loosest teenage boy.) She sucks at a lot of social stuff but also doesn’t get why and just thinks she’s wrong or cursed or smth. Likes animals over people. Doesn’t have a single friend until another loner who happens to be more extroverted basically adopts her as her friend."

"1) thought lecturing her date about sea creatures for like 30 minutes each would impress him and make him like her and was confused when he wasn’t into it (I would be into it tho it’s ok bby he just has adhd). 2) had the date planned out to the MINUTE and told the poor guy to shut up when he wanted to do something different. Literally a formula for how to have fun and she thought it was foolproof. 3) encyclopedic knowledge of sea creatures either points to a special interest and/or she just decided to research all that shit the night before for the date (she did say she went to the library in preparation), either way. tism I love her I’m rotating her in my brain" End ID.]

[ay-chuu]

hii can you do fyodor+3 but they're already married thnx <3

Prompt 3: "I love stars" " And i love you."

A/N: I hate school. AND FINALLY I FINISHED THIS GOD

SUN AND STARS

The stars begin to shine when they see the Sun for the first time.

Fyodor was the most different person you could get to know in this constantly evolving human world. He was mystical, difficult to predict.

But there was one thing you could never figure out about him. Was he the devil pretending to be an angel? Or is it an angel pretending to be the devil? Who knows… Only God understands the person he created, right?

Nevertheless, you liked the comfort and warmth that Fyodor offered you more than anything. When you first met, that's what attracted you to him. Two people standing in the classic books section in a cute, tiny and private library.

You have never been a very picky reader. You preferred to read only what interests you, which, perhaps, is why your information culture was so extensive, Fyodor thinks.

You could hardly perceive the magnificence of the man you saw in front of you. He was such a person that as he got closer, he turned to someone who belonged to older centuries, and as he got further away, he was more like a person who belonged to today.

He was a contrast to his own being. You knew that at the first sight. After a brief glance at the interesting man, you took the book you wanted, moved to a comfortable reading place and started reading. about 5 minutes later, until I saw that man coming to you.

"Hello, may I sit next to you? I'm Fyodor Dostoevsky."

Just like love ignites when it see lovers.

The stars remain under its influence so much when there is a sun that they are not even visible.

Fyodor has admired you since the first day he saw you. Because you have always loved the beautiful beings in this world, alive or dead, and you have become one of them.

Fyodor fell in love with you after the third cafe date he went with you. Because in this world where crime and punishment are pursued as chastity, you are innocent enough to be a crime, committed by someone. You are one of the rare angels that Fyodor strives for this world.

When he realizes that he is looking at you more than the book you are reading, he slowly closes his book and sees that sweet sullen face of yours towards him.

"I'm sorry, my angel, today was tiring for me, and right now I'd rather cuddle with you than read a book together." he said, before he spread you out well in his arms and hugged you.

You blushed slightly at the sudden closeness of contact and hugged him back without saying anything. You were too excited to read it because the book you are reading is about stars and space. But when you had your real star right in front of you, books didn't matter.

"Always stay like this with me, mishka."

It's like two people in love being blind to everything around them when they see each other.

The stars always shine brightly after the sun has gone, indicating their devotion to them.

Fyodor has always found a way to impress you. The simplest example is that he knows you in the most intimate way since he met you.

It'll feel weird… Because Fyodor can always read your thoughts. He can think about what you want, what you expect. But maybe that's why you were in love with Fyodor. Because it makes you feel more incomplete than anything.

"Do you like the rings?" He said, looking into the eyes of his fiancée. "Fyodor…" you murmured, still looking at your ring in astonishment. Fyodor has always known about your interest in the stars. That's why he made your rings special to just the two of you by buying a star and having it designed in the shape of that star. "I love them, but baby, you didn't have to work so hard…"

Fyodor just wrapped his hands around her waist with an innocent smile and a proud face. "If I don't, what is the special meaning of our marriage, my dear? These rings symbolize the fact that I want to be with you until every star goes out in this dirty and vile World, until the apocalypse breaks out and God takes our lives." he said, and slowly bent to your lips.

You didn't realize you were crying until you two kissed. Fyodor did nothing. He just put his hands over your face and said, "I love you," while wiping away tears.

Fyodor was a different person. He was unique to himself. And he would always prove it to you. Fyodor had always been the person you wanted, and he knew it.

Just like the rings worn by two fiancés.

You and Fyodor were like two universes constantly trying to stay connected to each other.

After 4 years of marriage with you, Fyodor realized that you were no longer his star.

You were his sun..

You were the light that inspire he and your surroundings.

He thought its impossible fall in love, but with you the impossible was not to fall in love.

"I love stars"

You muttered as you stared at the sky with admiration. Fyodor, who brought you two to the observatory for your 4th anniversary, smiled happily.

"And I love you." He murmured with love. You blushed and looked at him and replied simply by kissing his cheek.

Same as the energy exchange of the same sun and stars against each other, even though they don't appear at the same time.

[power-chords]

It just fucking hit me that Shklovsky is also at the very root of William Gibson's Pattern Recognition. The excerpted text below from Literature and Cinematography, which HE WROTE IN 1923, reads like getting a bucket of water dumped over your head right now, at this very moment, 100 years later:

To do a proper study on the theory of cinematography, you would have to collect all films, or at least several thousand of them. When classified, these films might yield the mass of material from which you could formulate several absolutely precise laws. We witnessed the arrival of cinematography; its life is the life of our generation; we can trace it step by step. Soon the material will become boundless. It is depressing to think that we already know everything about the need to study contemporary phenomena in the history of art but never do anything about it.

This is not something I can do by myself. This matter is beyond the capabilities of one individual; it requires trained assistants, means and, possibly, experiments.

What makes people cry? What is comical? Under what conditions does the comic become tragic?

It’s hard to understand literature fully; it’s impossible, or nearly impossible, to give it direction. The cinema is still visible; we could create a film science, which could be completely mechanised. In 1917 someone published a carefully researched article which reported that screenwriters, exhausted by work, had concocted a machine that produced plots. Imagine a row of films wound on special spools. One of the reels contains people’s professions, the second one – countries of the world, the third one – various ages, the fourth one – human acts (for example, kissing, climbing a pipe, knocking someone down, jumping into the water, shooting). A person takes hold of the cranks leading to these reels and spins them. Then he peers through a special slot and reads the resulting gibberish.

The machine is rather strange, but apparently it gives American brains the jolt they require. I’m going to write more about this amazing aspect of cinematography: about the tendency not to motivate the connection between the component parts, its scenes.

But in order to do this, we have to go back to the subject of plot in literature. There are several types of literary plot. Almost always, as it seems to me, these types of structure are based on an underlying sensation of disparity, an irony of sorts that is resolved at the end. In its simplest cases, a plot may be defined as an elaborated parallel. And there is an affinity that exists between parallelism in itself and the so-called obraznost [note: the Russian is not quite equivalent to the English ‘imagery’].

For example, if we say of a great man that he is a ‘tower’, that is an image. As a parallelism, the construct would be as follows: just as a tower rises amidst the city, so rises this man amongst the people. That is, an image is like a parallelism with its first part suppressed. This may be elaborated into a plot.

Thus, in the simple types of plot, we encounter a phenomenon similar in its structure to the ‘image’ and the ‘pun.’ There is such a moment in the plot of Macbeth. The witches have predicted that “none of woman born” will kill him. But Macbeth’s adversary was not born, he was “from his mother’s womb / Untimely ripp’d.” Thus the fact of unnatural childbirth – by means of Caesarian section – had so astonished the anonymous creator that he appropriated it and elaborated it into a plot. The word “born” lies at the base of the plot construct. For Macbeth, it means “of woman born”; for the witch, it means “born naturally,” with the emphasis on the very process of childbirth. Thus we find ourselves in a sphere where disparities are created on linguistic grounds.

Parallel intrigues in a film are possible only on one condition: that they be connected by common characters. Actually, film uses both “mystery” and “parallel” extensively, but it uses them in its own way. Mystery is used in the cinema mainly for plot transpositions, the phenomenon whereby a work’s events are rendered not in sequence, but in some other order. Usually what motivates the transposition is a story. In film, plot displacement triumphs. First, we usually get several somewhat incomprehensible scenes, which are explained only later in the form of a story narrated by one of the characters. Note, however, that in the case of motivation by a story, it is not the story of an event, as in a novel, but a plot transposition in its purest form (i.e., it’s as if you snipped a piece of film off the beginning and put it at the end).

In that regard film is undoubtedly much stronger. It is much weaker, however, in the area of allusion, which in literature sustains one’s interest in the resolution of mystery. Film does not allow ambivalence.

…One curious trait of cinematography is its complete disregard of motivations. By ‘motivations’ I mean the common, ‘quotidian’ explanation of a plot structure. Film has almost no use for motivations. Maybe this is simplistic, but it seems to me that in film nothing is told; everything is shown. We don’t require detailed explanations of the exceptionally fortuitous turn of events that made possible someone’s rescue. The facts speak for themselves. We see a film and hardly ever ask ourselves, “how, in what way?" An ordinary contemporary stunt film consists of a number of engaging scenes which are connected with each other solely by the unity of the characters.

Nor is any psychological motivation supplied. One part of a film is indispensable, because in it the cameraman shows a view of a city from above; in the next part, a trained monkey performs; the third part of the same film contains a ballet performance, and so on. And we watch all of it with interest.

What is a film plot? An artful selection of scenes, a successful chronological transposition and good juxtapositions. The film script has turned both toward popular comedy, with its stock characters, and toward the adventure novel, with its highly developed use of ‘delaying elements’, with its wide range of casualties, drownings, desert islands and other tricks… Since ‘delaying elements’, with slight variations, can go on forever, the only way to end the screenplay is to have a wedding.

[thequiver]

How do you feel in relation to Sin? I think I've seen your posts about Dinah not wanting to be a mother and I'd like to hear your thoughts on her and Dinah's relationship, her background is a little messed up I'll admit but I actually like her character. Could you also give me a better explanation on the Dinah not wanting to be a mother topic please? Is that bcs of her mother or bcs of Ollie?

okay so this is a bit of an involved ask so I'm gonna try to separate it into parts.

A. My views on Sin B. Dinah and motherhood

A

Being completely honest here I never really got into Sin. It's a combination of how awful her background is and that she's from what is honestly one of the worst comics I've ever read, I just never got attached to her. Her introduction felt like such a backwards step in Dinah's character to me and like this sort of continued push for Dinah to be a mother which is not just a role she doesn't want but one she isn't suited for. I don't have anything against Sin, I do however want to get free reign to deck Gail Simone. Perhaps if she'd been created by anyone other than Gail Simone I might have gotten attached as she's the kind of character I can see myself liking and she's a character that I want to like, but I do have standards when it comes to writing and narratives and everything about Sin's story did not meet those standards.

B

Yeah so some context surrounding Dinah's statements around the idea of having children is needed because as I've found from my inbox the last few days, there are an astonishing number of people who have no idea what Dinah was like before BoP and I need to fix that ASAP (I can fix y'all /srs). So despite Grell's Dinah coming after DC got rid of her Earth-2 origins (meta for why that's the best Dinah backstory in the works as of 11. Jan. 2023) the characterization he uses is still that of the Dinah who was an immigrant from Earth-2. This means that this Dinah's characterization was that of a widow who started seeing Ollie shortly after she left Earth-2 following the death of her husband, and this is actually a pretty important element of her story to keep in mind when talking about her statements around children.

NOW- this being said, when we look at what Dinah says about having kids, she doesn't actually make it about Ollie, in fact she even says that she'd love to have kids with him (also just a little odd to assume that a woman not wanting to have kids is just bc of her partner but uh go off ig?). What she says is that she won't raise orphans. And it's there that her being a widow comes into play, because her husband had died during a battle as part of the JSA and she's well aware of the danger being a hero places her loved ones in. Add onto this that this conversation is happening after Longbow Hunters and her own capture and torture and the picture becomes clearer.

Dinah's issue with having children is not about Ollie or even on any level that she might be aware of at this point about her mother. It's about her own understanding of the danger she and Ollie are in on a daily basis as a result of their choice to pursue heroics, and fundamentally what it boils down to is her prioritization of pursuing heroics over the idea of having children. It's the kind of thought process we see Ollie have in Green Arrow (1988) too, where he says that he'd be willing to give up Green Arrow to be a father- but Dinah doesn't even entertain the thought of giving up Black Canary to be a mother. To her it's very clear, she is Black Canary so she won't be a mother.

At its core, Dinah's desire not to be a mother is about HER, not anyone else.

[shiningwonderland]

Camus (All Star)

Translator: Mimi (twitter: _mimisaurora) Proofreader: Raz (twitter: agnadance) Editors: Noemi (twitter: dreaminbeyond), Snail (twitter: herbert_snail)

Chapter Two — Heartfelt Nocturne

I am put to work for Camus-senpai from the day I’m taken into his home.

My main duties in the tower are to cook, clean, and care for Alexander. I act as his assistant whenever he goes out on jobs.

This is probably to ensure I didn’t try to do anything suspicious while he’s away.

This is the first time I have ever lived with a man and I couldn't help but feel nervous, although he seems unfazed by it.

I'm sure it has to do with the fact he was born into a noble family and has been used to living with servants since he was a child.

He even paid me at the end of last month, claiming I deserved it since I was now working for him.

Haruka Nanami: I really… don’t understand him at all.

The unsettling conversation I overheard that night left me feeling anxious for what was to happen next, but so far, he’s been acting just as he normally did.

Haruka Nanami: I wonder if it was some serious business conversation or if it was something else. There’s simply no way he could have been talking about an “assassination” — it’s all so unbelievable….

I can’t think of a reason anyone would have to kill the president of an entertainment company, no matter how great President Saotome is.

This sudden change in my lifestyle was quite scary and troubling at first, even if it was my fault.

But after thinking it over, I realized this was an opportunity to closely observe Camus-senpai’s private life, someone shrouded in so much mystery.

If we’re living together, this could be my chance to get him to sing the song I’ve made. Lately, I’ve started to look on the bright side of things.

Haruka Nanami: Nothing ventured, nothing gained… I suppose.

But, things didn’t end up going that smoothly….

Alexander: Grrrrr….

Haruka Nanami: Alright! Meal time!

Alexander: Bark!

Haruka Nanami: Kyah!

Alexander: Grrrrr… Hmph.

Haruka Nanami: … Ugh. It’s not easy for you to open up to me, is it…?

There are many problems. The first being that Alexander did not like me.

He had amiably wagged his tail at me on the first day we’d met.

However, it only took Senpai saying, “This woman is not a friend. Don’t get too close to her,” for Alexander to immediately switch his tune.

Since then, he would always sit himself in front of me with this sour expression on his face whenever I got on the phone, staring intently.

He was most likely watching me on Senpai’s behalf.

The biggest problem, though, is the lack of freedom.

Partly because I am being watched, but partly because I am simply too busy.

The tower already has a piano and I was told I could bring my equipment as well, so there is no issue in actually working, but….

First, I take the time to tend to house duties; second, as a popular idol, Senpai’s schedule is often filled with an entire day’s workload, making it difficult to be his assistant during these times.

Staff: Good morning, Camus-san.

Camus: Good morning.

Haruka Nanami: Good morning.

Staff: Huh? And you are...?

Camus: She is currently the composer responsible for my unit. It is key to get to know a singer in order to make them a good song, so she volunteered to become my personal assistant.

Staff: How thoughtful for someone so young.

Haruka Nanami: N-no, uh, I mean... Thank you very much.

Camus-senpai exchanges a few words with the staff before nonchalantly walking into his dressing room and beginning to read his script as usual.

After some time, his smooth brow suddenly creases, and he looks very cross.

He had been so effortless in acting so placid before he opened the door….

I still can’t get used to the change, despite having been his assistant for many days now.

The staff would surely be astonished if they were to see him act differently like this.

I am also sure there would be people who might form a bad impression, which would make someone timid like me feel anxious, but….

I wonder if Camus-senpai even cares….

Camus: What is it? What are you looking at?

Haruka Nanami: It’s nothing….

When I eventually admit to what I was thinking, he laughs with a huff.

Camus: So that’s what you were worried about? Ridiculous. It doesn’t matter what other people think.

I only perform this way if I feel like it's necessary. Are you not familiar with the concept of “the ends justifying the means”?

That’s all he says before returning his gaze to his script, ending that conversation.

Camus: What are you doing? I’ll be on stand-by for a while today, so go and make good use of your time.

Haruka Nanami: O-Of course.

There were plans to film a drama today, but it seems like something went wrong and needs to be resolved before they could begin.

I open my bag and check to see if I have any work approaching a deadline.

Director: Ugh, I give up. We had to rewrite the script at the last minute. This is why I didn’t want to put the daughter of a bigwig in a lead role. She’s too full of herself.

Camus: You truly have my sympathies.

I was immersed in checking over my music when I hear Senpai speaking to the director about something, prompting me to look up.

Director: And that’s why Camus-chan’s character has been completely redone.

Camus-senpai flips through the pages of the new script that had been apologetically handed over.

Camus: Indeed… the lines are a little different, but they aren’t unreasonable changes. I believe I can still perform this without any issues.

Director: Really?! You’ve saved me, Benevolent Camus-sama!

Camus: Haha. There’s no need to address me as such. Let’s simply do our best so that we can get some good shots.

Director: Thank you! Thank you! Then, I’m excited to be working with you!

After the director leaves, Camus-senpai flips through the pages of the script once again. He closes it once he reaches the end.

Haruka Nanami: You’re… not going to read it again?

He didn’t have much time left until filming began, according to the director.

Camus: I’ve already looked through it once. There’s no need to go over it again.

Haruka Nanami: But, just reading it through once….

Camus: Isn’t that enough? I don’t need to review it again and again.

It is true that I have never seen him reread a script before.

On the other hand, he very rarely has any bad takes. As is to be expected, Senpai is truly remarkable.

When I get home, I work on house chores for a while.

Haruka Nanami: Senpai, would you like me to refill the quills’ ink soon?

Camus: No… they’re still good. I’d actually like for you to begin with cleaning the bedroom. There are some documents I’d like to focus on.

Haruka Nanami: Alright, then I’ll go ahead and tidy up your bedroom first.

Camus: Ah, I also forgot to mention that breakfast tomorrow won’t be necessary. I will be leaving at four. A medium-sized package might arrive while I’m away. Be sure to bring it in.

Haruka Nanami: Of course.

Haruka Nanami: Alright, the bedroom cleaning went okay. I should probably make the bed next and fluff the pillow properly….

I pat my apron and look around.

Camus-senpai’s house consists of four floors. In short, the kitchen is on the second floor, a living room on the third, and his bedroom on the fourth.

I’ve been staying in a small room next to the kitchen.

The furniture on each floor is luxury-made, all rooms with stunning wallpaper and carpet. A chandelier hung from the ceiling.

Haruka Nanami: I forget we’re even in Japan every time I look around.

His private life is elegant in itself. Meals are taken on silver platters. After his meals, he reads in front of the fireplace. He drinks from a wineglass the day before his day off.

He enjoys horseback riding and fencing in his spare time. Even the sweets that he picks look really expensive and unfamiliar….

Working like this has made me feel as if I were a maid serving in a nobleman's house.

Haruka Nanami: Huff. Now, should I put the pillows like this?

There’s one spot on Senpai’s bed which feels rather cold, probably having to do with the way air conditioning hits, so I avoid placing the pillows there.

I head down the spiral staircase and call out to Senpai in the living room.

Haruka Nanami: Camus-senpai, the bedroom has been cleaned and the bed has been made.

Camus: Thank you. Then, I’ll go and concentrate on these documents for a while. Bring me coffee in an hour.

He stands and turns to pet Alexander’s head.

Alexander: Arf!

Camus: Don't look so dejected, Alexander. Why don’t we go to the dog park the day after tomorrow?

Alexander: Arf!

Alexander barks happily and Senpai’s eyes softened a bit.

He is strict with everyone else, but seems to treasure Alexander very dearly.

Haruka Nanami: Well, let’s pour some coffee. Today… should I use eight sugar cubes?

There is one more problem with this lifestyle. Even though almost half a month has passed, I still didn’t understand Camus-senpai at all.

He’s busier than I am every single day, making it rare for us to have the opportunity to talk….

Whenever an opportunity did present itself, he kept up his frigid attitude.

Haruka Nanami: Hmm…. But based on the creases between those brows, I should use at least five.

Despite paying as close attention as possible, so far, the only thing I’ve been able to figure out is his taste for sugar.

If the crease between his brows is faint, then use eight. If it’s deeper, use eleven cubes. But if it’s very prominent, on the contrary, use less.

Haruka Nanami: Alright…. Let’s go with six today.

I try picking up the sugar cubes with tongs — my hand stops.

Was it… truly going to be alright? In the midst of my hectic life, I’ve found myself abruptly feeling panicked like this with no warning.

At any rate, all I can do right now is my best. I live every day with that thought in mind.

Haruka Nanami: I’ve brought your coffee. Here you go.

Camus: Thank you. Now, should we take a short break? Hmm… it smells good.

He closes the book he’s been reading, takes the cup, and closes his eyes to smell the aroma before taking a sip.

His brows twitch and he quietly drinks another mouthful.

Camus: ….

He says nothing, but it looks like I put in the right amount of sugar and it makes me a little happy.

He also seems to be in a good mood, the atmosphere a little more peaceful.

Maybe, now… I might be able to talk to him.

Haruka Nanami: Uh….

Camus: What? Speak briefly if you have something to say.

I got the strong impression from his cold stare that I shouldn’t get too close, but I still find it in myself to be able to speak.

Select the phrase!

Talk about recent work (+20 Love)

In any case, I need to find something to say.

I decide to try bringing up his recent work.

Haruka Nanami: Senpai, you will appear in a commercial for pre-packaged stew, right?

Camus: Correct, the filming finished last week without delays. And?

He still answers rather amiably.

He’d be appearing in a commercial for a new product advertising the ability to enjoy the authentic taste of the royal court at home.

Haruka Nanami: I was a little curious when I saw the product’s name…. How did it go when you sampled it? Was it good?

Camus: Saying it was “authentic” is an overstatement, but it was an unprecedented kind of pre-packaged food. That said, it will be a long time before I eat it again.

My co-star kept getting bad takes during filming. I was forced to eat ten cups of the same stew.

Haruka Nanami: That… must have been difficult.

Camus: What do you mean? It’s a common occurrence.

An expression akin to a wry smile appears on his face and the mood in the room relaxes.

However, his typical harsh demeanor quickly makes a comeback.

Camus: So, why did you bother asking? Is your intention to waste my precious time with gossip?

Haruka Nanami: I-I’m sorry….

And just like that, the conversation is over. Embarrassed, my eyes suddenly stop on something next to his desk.

It’s… a teddy bear small enough to hold in one hand.

It seems a little out of place in his room and every time I’ve cleaned in the past I would get curious about it.

Haruka Nanami: Um… do you like bears?

When I ask, he looks stunned.

Camus: You're an ignorant woman. Look carefully. This is an antique.

He turns the bear to show the soles of its feet and I notice a number embroidered on it.

According to him, it comes from a famous atelier that is no longer in business and that it wouldn’t be strange for something like this to be displayed in a museum.

Camus: ...In the end, I was ultimately able to recover it when an idiot unaware of its worth sold it at a yard sale. If I had any spare time, I would donate it to the appropriate venue.

Haruka Nanami: Is that so?

Camus: Indeed. I wouldn’t care for a stuffed animal. What is the value in having such a furry thing?

Haruka Nanami: … My apologies for assuming.

Alexander: Arf!

Alexander, who I now see has come to Senpai’s feet, barks as though to say something.

Camus: Huh…? Ah, right. I believe you’re also covered in fur.

Alexander: Bark!

Camus: Don’t worry, Alexander. Your fur is unlike anything on this earth. It’s much different than that of a bear.

He happily strokes Alexander for a bit, but his smile soon disappears.

Camus: Woman, enough with the nonsense and just get back to work. Do not come into the bedroom for a while.

Haruka Nanami: U-understood!

I hurry out of the room together with Alexander.

The production of Quartet Night’s unit song is somehow coming along despite it not going smoothly.

Today all four of them have come together to meet again for the first time in a long while.

They’re all incredibly busy so it was difficult to match their schedules.

I had planned to discuss the lyrics, but….

Reiji Kotobuki: We might as well make the lyrics unique to our personalities. Ranran’s like rock, and Myu-chan’s like a butler.

Ai Mikaze: Even if our voices don’t blend? I oppose it. If we don't unify somewhere, it’ll get out of control.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: If we’re going to unify, then I’ll write them. I’m not gonna sing anything half-assed.

Ai Mikaze: I oppose that too. Ranmaru’s lyrics are too unique to himself. Camus’s voice may seem less out of place, but they wouldn’t suit either Reiji or me.

Everyone has completely different tastes and no one wants to compromise, so the discussion is going nowhere.

Each of them wrote lyrics to serve as a starting point, but the lyrics fail to resonate with all of them….

Reiji Kotobuki: Then, how about switching it up and having someone else be in charge of your parts? Maybe you'll end up discovering a new you?

Camus: I object. To disturb the image fans have already established of us would only interfere with business.

Kotobuki-senpai lets out a huff and, with puffed cheeks, asks what kind of lyrics it is that Camus-senpai wanted then.

Camus: When it comes to things like lyrics, it’ll be fine as long as it doesn’t go overboard and the number of notes fits.

As always, Camus-senpai appears disinterested in the discussion itself.

He didn’t seem to have drive or passion for this unit, or any job for that matter.

Since we began living together, I’ve heard him say that other idols play a supporting role and help him stand out.

On the other hand, he also didn’t seem to care about getting bigger in the entertainment industry….

What was Camus-senpai even thinking of by becoming an idol?

Reiji Kotobuki: Come on—Everybody’s just whining. Kouhai-chan, do you have any opinions?

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. For now, how about everyone picks a phrase they like from the drafted lyrics?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: A phrase I like? I ain’t got one. That’s just the way it is.

Kurosaki-senpai smacks the document in front of him.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: There’s no passion in ‘em. This one especially's the worst. It’s boring. Who wrote this?

Ai Mikaze: That would be Camus.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ah, no wonder. That’s why it feels so fake.

Camus-senpai’s brow twitches at the comment and I start to get a bad feeling about this.

Camus: At the very least, a lowly person such as yourself couldn't possibly be able to understand. It’s the same as a worm on the ground, never understanding the feeling of a bird fluttering around in the sky.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ah? There he goes, always fussin’ about something.

Their sharp gazes collide, sparks flying.

Although the four of them are by no means good friends, Camus-senpai and Kurosaki-senpai especially seem to despise each other.

Whenever something like this happens, Mikaze-senpai would simply open his laptop and begin his own work.

Kotobuki-senpai jokes around to try and calm the situation, but instead the atmosphere only worsens.

Haruka Nanami: U-um… Camus-senpai, Kurosaki-senpai, please calm down…

I have to do something. It’s my job to correct the situation if they’re going to fight. I was ready to stand up to try and stop them, but…. In that moment, they both simultaneously glance at the clock on the wall.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Tch…. We don’t have time for this.

Camus: To argue with a peasant would only lower my worth. Let’s continue with the meeting.

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Both of them relax their gazes, which had been ready to ignite at any second, and turn back to their documents.

Well… everyone’s schedules are incredibly tight, so if they were to miss today, the next opportunity to meet would be far into the future.

Both of them are very aware of this.

Reiji Kotobuki: Oh! As expected, you’re both pros! You’ve made big bro so happy!

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Shut up—screw you, Reiji.

Camus: Would you like me to freeze that annoying mouth of yours?

They both scowl at Kotobuki-senpai and his shoulders slump dejectedly, but Camus-senpai and the others continue to review the material as if nothing has happened.

They all look very sullen, but they quickly pull their thoughts together.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Hey woman, since you were the first one to say somethin’, tell us which phrase you liked the most.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright! I personally think it’d be best for everyone to sing the unit’s name during the song’s chorus….

While reflecting on the fact that I am on edge that this meeting could go awry at any moment,

I eagerly participate in the discussion with my senpai.

Afterwards….

Everyone continues to work on the lyrics without saying much else, with the exception of the occasional joke from Kotobuki-senpai which goes ignored.

By the time the meeting is over, the lyrics draft is fully finished.

At first glance, the unit seems to be falling apart, but they’re professionals who have the ability to come together at the end of the day.

Haruka Nanami: I have to work harder too….

A few days later, Camus-senpai leaves early in the morning.

Having been strictly forbidden from leaving the house without him, I spend my day working in the living room.

Alexander: Grrr….

Alexander and I still haven’t gotten close, but he no longer barks at me and instead stays quiet in the corner of the room.

Sometimes he’ll peek at the entryway, probably waiting for Senpai to come home. It has already grown dark, but there is no sign of Camus-senpai’s return.

Haruka Nanami: Do you miss your owner, Alexander?

Alexander: ….

Instead of responding, his bushy tail wags slightly.

Alexander had seemed somewhat uneasy since morning. He repeatedly checks the door and the phone as if he were anxious about something.

Haruka Nanami: It’ll be okay, he’s coming home soon.

Alexander: … Arf.

Camus-senpai and I go almost everywhere together, but sometimes he disappears like this with no word as to where he was going.

Where could he possibly have gone?

Since I began living here, I’ve come to truly realize just how busy Camus-senpai is.

He studies and reads books whenever he has any free time, despite his work schedule always being packed.

Without fail, he always looks into his co-stars beforehand and checks for news of their involvement in the industry no matter how small it may be, even for brief meetings.

He also reads and examines documents I didn’t understand at all.

He rarely rests on days off and instead packs his day with sports and practice.

I’m sure he’s only able to live such a life because of how extraordinary and exceptional he is.

He only needs to read scripts once for things like dramas, and could even sing songs perfectly after only glancing at the sheet music, so he often throws them away.

He never looks at the same form twice. One conversation is enough for him.

With his abilities, no wonder ordinary people like us seem like fools.

Alexander: Arf….

Haruka Nanami: Alexander, so you are lonely.

That’s right, Camus-senpai’s talk show, TalQ’ing9, is on at this time.

Haruka Nanami: Want to watch his TV show?

Alexander: Arf!

Given how happy he looks, we wind up watching TV together.

Senpai’s smile fills the screen the second I turn it on.

He’s engaged in light banter with his guests in his typical calm demeanor.

Haruka Nanami: Your owner is quite good at talking, isn’t he?

Alexander: Arf arf!

I gently pat Alexander on the head. He barks proudly, it almost looks as though he were grinning.

Haruka Nanami: Hehe. You were told not to like me, did you end up forgetting...?

Alexander and I watch Camus-senpai’s TV program like this for a while.

He speaks to his guests with a kind smile and graciously addresses the fans in front of the TV.

I look at that smile and... suddenly think about how he’s like ice.

He waits upon his fans with a warm smile, but behind all that, he would coldly warn that no one is allowed to go near him.

His music is also very wonderful, but his singing is somewhat cold… why?

Camus-senpai’s phrases like “I don’t care” and “I’m not interested” come to mind.

Does Senpai truly feel nothing about anything he did?

Is it because he’s so indifferent about his fans and the people around him that he’s so cold…?

That... can't be.

There is no such thing as a cold-hearted person. He surely must have something he liked or something that was very important to him.

If I don’t figure out what that is, then I can’t make a song for Camus-senpai.

But… What should I do?

As I think it over, the phone rings.

Haruka Nanami: The phone…. What do I do?

Camus-senpai told me to never answer the phone while he was away, but….

Select the phrase!

Don’t answer the phone (+0 Love)

Haruka Nanami: I was told I shouldn’t, so I won’t.

Alexander: Bark bark bark!

Just then, Alexander suddenly jumps at the phone and the handset falls off.

I end up answering the phone after all.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Yahoo, Camus-chan. Sorry for calling when you’re off, but you didn’t answer your cell—so I called this line instead.

Haruka Nanami: That voice… Tsukimiya-sensei?!

Sensei seems surprised when he hears me on the other end.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Haru-chan? Why are you at Camus-chan’s house? Where’s Camus-chan?

Haruka Nanami: U-uh…. A-a meeting for the solo song. He left to go buy something just a little while ago….

In a panic, I manage to conjure up some excuse on the spot.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Ah, so you’ve been there this whole time. What a relief.

Haruka Nanami: Um… did something happen?

Sensei sounds relieved, which brings me to worry a little, so I carefully ask.

Ringo Tsukimiya: It’s fine, it’s fine. Camus-chan is staying home, right? Then, it’s nothing to worry about.

Haruka Nanami: B-But, I’m curious. Please, tell me. What happened?

Ringo Tsukimiya: ….

After a few moments of silence Sensei replies, unexpectedly firm.

Ringo Tsukimiya: … Listen calmly. Don’t tell anyone about this.

Haruka Nanami: A-Alright.

Ringo Tsukimiya: You see… someone attacked Shiny.

Haruka Nanami: Eeh?! Is the president safe?

Ringo Tsukimiya: Of course! This is Shiny we’re talking about, there isn’t one scratch on him⁠—he’s acting like nothing happened!

Haruka Nanami: I’m glad….

Ringo Tsukimiya: But… I heard that someone who looked like Camus-chan ran away from the scene.

Eh?

Ringo Tsukimiya: And that’s why I ended up calling. Ah, but I don't suspect Camus-chan or anything! I simply wanted to check. Okay?

Haruka Nanami: R-right.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Ah, and I’m so relieved! I thought he’d gotten himself into some trouble.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Well then, I’m going now. Also, you shouldn’t stay at a man’s house this late, you hear? Once Camus-chan gets back, have him take you home properly.

Haruka Nanami: I-I understand…. Goodbye.

I can’t bring myself to move for a while after I hang up the phone.

Subconsciously, the words I heard last month came to mind.

“Saotome’s assassination”...

Haruka Nanami: Senpai? He’d never….

That wasn’t it. Sensei had said “a person who looked like him”. Surely he’s mistaken.

Haruka Nanami: But….

My heart won’t stop racing. I then find Alexander by my side and he looks up at me with an anxious expression.

Haruka Nanami: It’s okay. I’m sure it’s a mistake….

I stroke his head softly and Alexander seems relieved, drawing closer to me.

I hope Senpai comes back soon….

When I turn back to look at the TV again, TalQ’ing9 is already over.

We wait for Camus-senpai’s return while huddling together.

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Alexander: Woof!

I just heard the door unlock downstairs!

Camus: … I’m back.

Haruka Nanami: Yes! Welcome back!

Alexander: Arf arf!

Alexander and I answer loudly and rush down the stairs.

We then both run to the entrance and I retrieve Camus-senpai’s coat.

Senpai looks more tired than usual.

Was I... imagining it?

Haruka Nanami: Excuse me… Camus-senpai.

Select the phrase!

You must have worked hard today. (+20 Love)

Haruka Nanami: You must have worked hard today.

He raises a brow, curious, and mentions how out of nowhere my comment was.

Haruka Nanami: M-my apologies. It’s just… you look tired.

Camus: You think I’m tired? Ha. You underestimate me.

Haruka Nanami: I’m sorry….

Camus: Why apologize? What an incomprehensible woman. I don’t think there is anyone who feels uncomfortable with being praised.

Haruka Nanami: E-eh…. Um….

Camus: Stop talking nonsense and get some rest. I’ll be going now too.

And just like that, he heads up to his bedroom without looking back at me.

Since then, other than Alexander and I getting along a little better, the typical everyday routine comes and goes.

My classmates grow a bit suspicious of me because I wasn't there whenever they visited my room in the dormitory, but other than that, work is normal.

Senpai’s attitude is as cold as ever and we hardly ever have a conversation with the exception of him giving out orders for work.

Then one day, I have a very sad dream.

Haruka Nanami: ….

When my eyes focus, I find it’s still the middle of the night. In the darkness, I can see the familiar ceiling of his tower.

When my body wakes up, the matter of my dream disappears but only loneliness remains.

What did I dream of? I could hear sorrowful music… the whole time….

That’s when I realize the music I heard in my dreams is still playing around me.

Haruka Nanami: Is that… the sound of the cello?

Without giving it much thought, I get up and slowly make my way in the direction of the sound.

The heart-rending melody continues. This wasn’t a recording—this is the sound of someone performing live.

It plays and stops, then plays and stops again. This was the first time I’ve heard anything like it—a foreign melody.

Haruka Nanami: Is Camus-senpai… playing?

I had heard that Senpai's specialty instrument was the cello but I’ve never actually seen him play it even once.

I look up the stairs leading to his bedroom; a dim light and the sound of the cello come through from above.

This truly is Camus-senpai’s performance.

I soon find myself drawn to the piano in the living room.

My fingertips touch the keys as if they have a mind of their own.

When the first notes of the piano resound, the sound of the cello stops briefly, and then at once begins to play again.

And so, neither I nor Senpai exchange a word, but just match our music as though it were only natural.

Blending perfectly, as though it were melting, the two sounds become one.

My fingers tremble as they tap against the keys with this strange sensation, feeling as though my outstretched hand has touched deep within Senpai’s heart if only for a moment.

I wonder how long I’ve been doing that. If I am to stop for even a fraction of a second, this moment will likely be over—

I just let the sound flow through me.

The next thing I know, the performance finishes and the lights in the bedroom go out.

I couldn't move myself from the piano for a long time.

The next morning...

When I meet Senpai at the breakfast table, nothing changes and everything continues on as normal.

Camus: … Today is my day off. I will be spending my time in the living room to check on some TV programs. Make sure to finish cleaning as soon as possible.

Haruka Nanami: Yes, sir. Understood.

His conversation with me is normal too. He uses a cold, authoritative tone.

It’s as though that connection we shared for a brief moment last night was just an illusion, and I unknowingly stare at him.

His fingers, elegantly holding a knife as he butters his bread—those very same fingers played the cello yesterday.

Camus: What are you doing? You shouldn’t stare at people.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes, sir. M-my apologies.

Flustered, I bow my head and walk toward the kitchen to make some coffee.

When I look back, I see Senpai, brows furrowed as usual, putting honey on his salad.

His attitude and his sugar intake remained the same, but….

I feel as if something has changed, even if just a little.

That afternoon….

Senpai is reading on the sofa and I look over some sheet music next to him when the doorbell rings.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… a visitor.

It's the first time anyone has paid a visit to Senpai’s home since I started living here with him.

Haruka Nanami: What should I do? Would you like me to go?

Camus: I’m not expecting anybody today. Leave it alone.

Haruka Nanami: But….

The doorbell rings again and again. It’s probably someone with an urgent matter.

In my confusion, I hear a carefree voice from outside.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Hmm, doesn’t look like he’s coming out. Is he really not home?

That voice… Tsukimiya-sensei? And that’s….

Cecil Aijima: Non. I definitely saw it. Haruka…. My Muse, disappearing into the forest. I am certain she is imprisoned inside of this tower.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ha…? Locked up… Seriously? Thinkin’ about it though, I really wouldn’t put it past him.

Camus-senpai approaches the window and, upon glancing outside, closes the book in a sullen manner and returns to the couch.

Camus: Hmph. Aijima and Kurosaki? … A troublesome bunch has arrived.

Haruka Nanami: Um…. What should we do?

Camus: Ignore them. They will give up eventually.

After he speaks, I hear the sound of a dull thud somewhere.

Haruka Nanami: … Ah!

W-what…?

The vibrations reach us all the way to the third floor and I hastily covere my mouth to muffle the cry I utter out.

The sounds and shaking continue, and I hear Kurosaki-senpai’s irritated voice.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: O-oi. Cecil, what are you trying to do?! Tsukimiya-san, what is he—

Cecil Aijima: … I am breaking down the door. I have to save my Muse.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Aijima…. You idiot...!

The entire tower fills with tremors that bring even Camus-senpai quickly to his feet.

Camus: Great…. We don’t have a choice. Go open the door.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes, sir.

We rush down the stairs and open the door to find Cecil-san in tears, with Tsukimiya-sensei and Kurosaki-senpai standing nearby.

[break]

Cecil Aijima: Haruka! You are safe after all! I have come to rescue you!

Cecil-san embraces me with all of his might.

Haruka Nanami: Ah. U-uh, Cecil-san….

Cecil Aijima: What a relief. I am so happy to see you are safe. Are you hurt anywhere? Have you been treated badly?

Haruka Nanami: N-No… I-I’m….

Around me, Tsukimiya-sensei and my other senpais look at each other in awkward silence.

Camus: You lot…. What do you want?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: What the hell do you think? I was brought here against my will. More importantly, are you seriously living with this woman?!

Ringo Tsukimiya: I came along with Cecil-chan because he’d kept saying he was worried. I didn’t really think she’d be here, though. And her outfit….

Haruka Nanami: Eh….

A-ah. I came out in my usual uniform and apron, so it probably comes as a bit of a surprise to them.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Hey, Camus-chan. Haru-chan. What is the meaning of this?

Haruka Nanami: U-uh, well, y-you see….

What do I do? I can’t admit the reason as to why I’m living with Senpai….

In the middle of me panicking, Camus-senpai walks up beside me and responds with a very nonchalant expression.

Camus: What is there to explain? We’re very simply happily living together.

Cecil Aijima: That can’t…! Please stop lying! You villian! Tyrant! Swindler!

Cecil-san raises his voice in protest as he holds me close.

Camus-senpai huffs and pulls me away from him.

He spins me around and holds me tightly.

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Camus: You’d get it if you simply look. We’re lovers.

He looks my way and smiles.

Camus: Right, Haruka?

Haruka Nanami: Eh… I…?

What is he doing...?

He pulls me close to his chest and his face is closer than it has ever been before.

My heart nearly jumps out of my chest and I freeze.

After being held in that hug, he slightly squeezes my shoulder as though to ask what I was doing, and I finally come to my senses.

I-I see. It’s a lie to trick them about us being together.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. Y-you’re… right.

Camus: That is the case. I don’t wish to be apart for a moment and would rather be together with the person I love. Isn’t this a reasonable reaction to have?

Ringo Tsukimiya: “Reasonable”...? It’s pretty dangerous for an idol to live with someone as a couple. You know this, don’t you, Camus-chan?

Camus: Of course. That is why I’m very careful of my surroundings to ensure that nothing gets leaked. You also know better than to say something about it.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: I don’t plan to go and talk out of my ass but it's still kind of suspect, isn't it? Woman, is what he’s saying really true?

Haruka Nanami: W-well, I….

As I stand there perplexed, Camus-senpai’s face draws close to my ear, and he laughs with a huff.

Camus: What’s wrong? There’s no need to be shy. Just be honest and share your true feelings.

Now, tell them. Haruka. That this is something you wished for.

Haruka Nanami: Um….

Indeed, it’s originally due to my eavesdropping that I now happen to live together with him, but this is also something I chose for myself.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. I asked him to be with me.

Cecil Aijima: That is a lie! Please tell us the truth!

Haruka Nanami: T-that is the truth. This is something I wished for.

Cecil-san abruptly turns to look at Senpai with unshed tears in his eyes.

Cecil Aijima: Camus! What kind of curse did you place on her?

Camus: Hmph. A cat with no sense of propriety towards his seniors. A curse? How rude.

Cecil Aijima: Please stop playing dumb! Break the curse right now!

Cecil-san roughly moves Senpai’s hand away and pulls on my arm.

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Cecil Aijima: Somewhere in the back of my mind, I believed you wouldn't do anything horrible to her, no matter how bad you are!

Camus: What exactly is so horrible? This is quite rather a happy occasion.

He gracefully removes Cecil-san’s hand and draws me towards himself once more.

Haruka Nanami: E-excuse me….

Cecil Aijima: Camus! If that hand does not let go of her immediately, I will give you a piece of my mind!

Camus: Oh? I’m looking forward to it then.

The atmosphere between the two of them grows tense beyond belief. Kurosaki-senpai opens his mouth to try and break the ice.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: So…. How much longer are we gonna have to stay out here in the cold?

Camus: What…?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Let us in if you’re gonna drag this on. Might as well have a cup of tea, yeah?

This surprises Camus-senpai, and he watches with a sidelong glance as Kurosaki-senpai tries to barge his way into the tower.

Camus: … Kurosaki, what are you talking about?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: You got something to hide? If not, then there shouldn’t be a problem going inside.

Ah… Kurosaki-senpai is suspicious of Camus-senpai.

Ringo Tsukimiya: That’s true! My body’s also growing cold. Isn't it okay for us to come inside for just a little while?

Camus: Hng… I get it. Drink some tea and then go straight home.

Camus-senpai reluctantly obliges as Tsukimiya-sensei also makes a comment.

A white fireplace. Red carpet. A sparkling chandelier. A leather sofa. Gold candlesticks.

And… a simmering hot pot.

Ringo Tsukimiya: This is… a pretty surreal sight.

Since then….

It’s pretty clear that Cecil-san utterly disapproves, and that both Tsukimiya-sensei and Kurosaki-senpai still didn’t seem convinced…. They showed no indication of going home anytime soon after finishing their tea, and we went on to eat dinner together.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Honestly, I’m surprised to see that Camus-chan’s home came with a portable gas stove.

Camus: Hmph. It’s only natural for nobility to be able to deal with any kind of situation.

There was a bit of a disagreement over the menu, but eventually we settled on hot pot as it was something easy that everybody could eat.

I set up the portable gas stove in the living room and, while the situation still appears peaceful, we begin our dinner a little early.

Haruka Nanami: I’m aware there are some people who don’t handle fish well, so I made chicken ball hot pot.

The increasingly cold weather these days makes the hot pot look that much more delicious.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Chicken? … Not bad. I’m warning you now, I’m not holding back on this.

Camus: Hmph. We’ve prepared a plentiful amount of food so there is no need to. Eat and be grateful.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Hehe. Then, let’s all get along and dig in.

Alexander: Woof!

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Nom! Omnomnom. Delicious…. The touch of chopped lotus roots works great.

Cecil Aijima: The hot pot... is a bit… hot. Fwoo, fwoo. Slowly… Hm!! … Still hot. Fwoo, fwoo, fwoo.

Kurosaki-senpai stuffs himself with three pieces of meat for every one piece of vegetable from the hot pot.

Cecil-san, who has a tongue as sensitive as a cat’s, tries his best to cool the broth.

Alexander seems to be content with just about anything people are willing to share with him.

Once tea is over, the three of them appear to want to know more about Camus-senpai and I; things get awkward but….

I feel relieved once I notice the steaming hot pot we surrounded helped gradually warm the atmosphere.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Om, nom. Mmm! Yum~. Delicious. Haru-chan, your cooking is amazing. I’m quite jealous of Camus-chan.

Camus: … Hmph. I suppose I’d give her cooking and cleaning abilities some credit.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: What’s up with you? How do you even get that attitude? ... Oi, you got ponzu or not?

Camus: I believe you’re the one acting out. And on whether we have some or not, we always have commoner’s condiments on hand. I understand why that might surprise you.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Are you playing with me? Having ponzu should be common sense if you live in Japan.

Cecil Aijima: Ponzu is common sense…? I see, I am learning a lot.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Cecil-chan, Cecil-chan. Kurorin is just being a little biased, so don’t take it so seriously.

As I add more vegetables, I hope the meal will end with no further issues….

Haruka Nanami: Camus-senpai, what would you like to have next?

As I ask, holding the ladle, Senpai smiles sweetly and pokes my forehead with his finger.

Camus: Hey. There’s no need to address me so formally. I’ve told you to just call me Camus.

Haruka Nanami: Huh…?

Camus: What? Are you feeling shy from being in front of everyone? You’re such a handful, but I find that incredibly adorable.

The moment Camus-senpai smiles again, Kurosaki-senpai spits out his nabe in shock and Cecil-san drops his chopsticks.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: W-what’s wrong with you? Did you eat something bad?

Ringo Tsukimiya: Oh my, Camus-chan is quite in love, isn’t he~?

Cecil Aijima: … I believe I saw something horrible just now…. Ah, am I... hallucinating...?

All three of them look at me, but I’m too confused to understand what’s going on.

E-eh? Eh? Camus-senpai, what in….

Camus: Don’t make me say it again. Call me Camus… Haruka.

With a tender smile, he speaks once more.

The tone in his voice remains calm, but I also didn’t miss the way his eyes flashed cold for a split second.

Ah…. Yes. I finally got it.

It would be pretty suspicious to keep calling him “Senpai” despite our claim that we live together as lovers.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright… Camus.

Camus: Hmph. That’s better. Now then, give me some vegetables.

Haruka Nanami: H-h-here you go.

Camus: However, this hot pot doesn’t seem to be sweet enough. Haruka, bring the honey.

Haruka Nanami: Okay. Um, but….

I feel a little lost.

Camus loves his sweets, but if I were to bring out the honey in front of everyone, they would probably end up losing their appetites….

Camus: Hm? Ah. If I alone make it sweeter, would it ruin the mood?

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes. And also…. I don’t think it’s good for your health for it to be so sweet….

I probably sound too forward, but I was encouraged by the comfortable atmosphere and shared something I’d always wanted to say.

I thought Senpai would be angry, but he laughs instead.

Camus: I’d like to say that it’s none of your concern, but seeing as thi is your opinion... I’ll try to bear with it. It doesn’t mean I can’t eat it if it isn’t sweetened.

Instead, would you make a sweet dish next time? One just for me.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright.

Something… sweet? Sweet, sweet….

Haruka Nanami: Then, how does chocolate fondue sound?

Camus: Huh? What is that? Tell me everything you know.

His eyes sparkle and shine at the mention of chocolate. He truly loved his sweets, didn’t he?

Haruka Nanami: You melt chocolate in a pot and eat many different things with it—like fruit, or marshmallows.

Camus: Marshmallows…. That’s incredibly interesting. The idea of melted chocolate isn’t bad either.

Haruka Nanami: It’s very delicious. It’s easy to make if we have the tools, so I’ll prepare it for you on your next day off.

He chuckles again at my suggestion.

His smile is very noticeably different from usual, which makes me feel quite uneasy.

Camus: By all means. But, it would be a bore to simply make….

Alright. I’ll tell you what. How about you reward me if the Christmas live is a success?

Haruka Nanami: A-alright. That’s perfectly okay.

Camus: Hm, then I look forward to it. Chocolate fondue to celebrate… just the two of us.

With a gentle smile he proceeds to touch my lip with his finger.

Camus: A promise between you and me. Don’t forget it.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… O-of course, I promise.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Oh my! Well aren’t you both hotter than this hot pot!

Cecil Aijima: I do not believe it…. Truly…. Is this Camus a fake? No… but….

Ranmaru Kurosaki: I… I really want to go home now.

I could hear everyone's baffled voices all around me.

Well… I could understand their surprise. All of this is Camus-senpai’s lie….

Of course, I can never say this, feeling very helpless.

Senpai nonchalantly brings a piece of cabbage up to his mouth.

He glances in my direction and tilts his head.

Camus: What's the matter, won't you eat? I wouldn't want you to eat so little.

Haruka Nanami: O-of course. Thank you.

I-I mean… the comfortable mood hasn’t changed so I suppose it’s fine….

Everyone’s so distracted by the changes in Camus-senpai’s personality that they didn't even seem to want to ask him any more questions.

I wonder… if it went just as planned.

I decide not to think too much about it and focus on the hot pot instead.

When dinner ends, Tsukimiya-sensei opens his mouth as though he remembered something.

Ringo Tsukimiya: That’s right! I bought some pears when I last went out shopping. How does peeling them and having them for dessert sound?

Haruka Nanami: Alright, I’ll go and help you.

Once Tsukimiya-sensei and I return from the kitchen with plates and knives, we begin to peel the pears next to the pot.

We had many pears to go through, so everybody manages to finish their food before we were able to finish peeling.

It seems like Kurosaki-senpai and Cecil-san had nothing to do and gazed around the room instead.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: This house’s sketch. I wouldn’t be able to live here comfortably.

Cecil Aijima: You can see nothing but trees from the window… it is depressing.

Camus: You are both discourteous fools. I’ll have you know the view from the upper floor is incredible.

He goes on to argue that it’s best to read a book while looking out at the view from the bedroom window on a nice day.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Huh. I mean, it’s not that big of a deal but if you’re gonna make it one then show me.

Camus-senpai sits up and responds with, "Fine," while Kurosaki-senpai joins him, drink in hand.

Cecil-san follows, and the three of them go up the stairs.

Ringo Tsukimiya: My, this is quite nice. I’d like to see more of the house too.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, in that case, I’ll do the rest. Please feel free to join them.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Fufu. That’s alright. How about you tell me more about Camus-chan instead?

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

Ringo Tsukimiya: How did you two start dating? Was it while collaborating on the unit song?

Haruka Nanami: Um…. Yeah… let’s go with that….

I feel quite guilty about the fact it appears he’s started to fall for our lie.

Ringo Tsukimiya: It really surprises me that someone so uptight like Camus-chan has a girlfriend. Oh, who confessed first? How did you decide to start living together?

Haruka Nanami: Um…. Well…. He’d said he wouldn’t let me return back to the dorms….

Ringo Tsukimiya: Oh dear. Even though he looks so proper, he sure is the possessive type. However…. As I said, I'm not too thrilled with the fact that you two are living together.

Haruka Nanami: I-I’m sorry.

Ringo Tsukimiya: I understand always wanting to be with the person you love, but do you truly love Camus-chan?

Haruka Nanami: I….

Select the phrase!

The truth is… (+15 Love)

Haruka Nanami: The truth is….

I’m lost for words. What should I say? Should I just come out and tell him everything?

My own actions brought me here, after all. It may be difficult, but it wasn’t always bad — though I knew this isn’t normal.

Should I confess it all now and end this life here?

… When that thought comes to mind, I suddenly remember our time playing together the night prior and I shake my head.

Haruka Nanami: It’s... not that I’m in love with him. I would just like to remain by his side for a while.

Ringo Tsukimiya: I see…. If that’s how you feel, then I won’t say anything about it. You do what you want to do.

Sensei smiles sweetly and pumps his fist to cheer me on.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Though, I have to say I’m amazed. I would never have imagined Camus-chan, who insists at having people at arm's length, would offer to live together with somebody else. No matter the circumstance.

Haruka Nanami: Is... that so?

But he and I live together as warden and maid….

Ringo Tsukimiya: Yeah. He had looked pretty miserable during his time in the Master Course. I’m seriously surprised.

Well, this is the last one.

Tsukimiya-sensei neatly arranges the peeled pears on the plate.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Mmm, it looks delicious. Although…. There’s no sign of anyone coming back anytime soon.

There... definitely didn’t seem to be anyone coming down the stairs.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Here, let’s go get them.

Tsukimiya-sensei and I go up the four flights of stairs to the bedroom.

Haruka Nanami: Everyone, dessert’s….

When we reach the top of the stairs, I notice that everyone is acting strange.

I should say that out of everyone, Kurosaki-senpai appears to be acting particularly odd.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: ….

What was going on? Kurosaki-senpai stands right by the stairwell, looking at something in the room in a daze.

That thing happens to be the teddy bear Camus-senpai previously described as an antique.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Camus. You bastard…. Where did you get that?

Camus-senpai inquisitively turns to look at Kurosaki-senpai, and smirks when he realizes he’d been looking at the bear.

Camus: What? Do you have a hobby of loving such things?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: No! It’s just—why is that here….

He wanders closer to the teddy bear as he speaks.

Distracted by the bear, Kurosaki-senpai happens to forget about the cup he’s holding, and the glass slips from his hand.

Haruka Nanami: Ah…!!

Before anyone could react, the cup falls to the floor; glass shards scatter about and oolong tea spills everywhere.

Haruka Nanami: Oh no! Are you alright?!

Ranmaru Kurosaki: A-ah….

Ringo Tsukimiya: Cecil-chan! Don’t get too close! There’s glass everywhere!

Cecil Aijima: O-okay. Sorry.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Camus-chan, where’s the broom?!

Camus: I’ve already prepared it here.

Everyone’s quick to begin tidying up.

What should I do….

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Ugh. Cold—. What is going on? I….

Turning to look toward the dumbfounded voice, I notice how the oolong tea has spilled onto Kurosaki-senpai’s jacket as well.

Haruka Nanami: Oh no… Kurosaki-senpai, would you like me to wash your jacket?

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Wash it? No need. I’ll just leave it alone to dry...

Haruka Nanami: But it won’t stain as badly if you at least wipe it off…. Please stay still.

I take a clean rag and lightly pat his stained clothes.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: O-oh. Thanks.

Haruka Nanami: No, no, don’t worry. By doing this, it’ll soon be as good as new….

Camus: Haruka. These pieces….

Haruka Nanami: Kurosaki-senpai, how is that? You can barely see the stain.

Camus: … Haruka. There’s no need to look after such a peasant. Stop it.

I look up in surprise at Camus-senpai’s harsh tone.

He looks incredibly upset for whatever reason.

… What happened?

Haruka Nanami: B-but….

Camus: I have told you to stop. Leave him alone. Kurosaki is not a child. He can at least do this much himself.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright….

As I step away from Kurosaki-senpai, Camus-senpai turns his glare toward the others.

Camus: How much longer do you all intend to stay? Dinner is over, go home quickly.

Why is he so angry?

We had no choice but to listen to the homeowner and head back to the living room.

Ringo Tsukimiya: Alright then, we’ll be going home now. Thank you. The meal was delicious.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Well… thanks for the food.

Cecil Aijima: I have realized that Camus cares a lot for her. But, if it turns out to be a lie… I will never forgive him.

Then, with an air of uncertainty, the three of them head home shortly after finishing dessert.

Ringo Tsukimiya: I’ll keep it from Shiny for a bit that the two of you are living together, but don’t forget that I’m not okay with any of this, Camus-chan.

Camus: … Thank you for your concern.

Ranmaru Kurosaki: Tch. Somethin’ sketchy’s going on here.

Cecil Aijima: My Muse, I will come see you again.

Alexander, Camus-senpai and I watch as the three of them go.

Their figures disappear into the depths of the forest, and the front door closes.

Haruka Nanami: U-um….

Camus: What are you doing? Do not speak to me so casually, woman.

The second I attempt to say something, he lashes out with a stern voice and I instinctively tense.

Camus: Just so we’re clear, when I told you to call me by my name—it was only to pull the wool over their eyes; now, you will continue to address me as “Senpai”.

Haruka Nanami: U-understood.

Camus: It was spur of the moment… and a stupid lie all the same…. It’s inconceivable to see myself being in love with a pathetic little girl like you.

Senpai then curtly informs me to finish cleaning up as he’s going to rest.

He’s about to return to the bedroom when, for just a moment, our eyes meet.

Camus: There is absolutely… no way.

He turns his back to me.

Everything goes back to normal the very next day.

I continue to live in Senpai’s house while working hard on the unit's song-writing and other projects, and he’s busy being a successful idol.

The president of the company is also working as energetically as ever, and it's quite hard to believe that an attempt on his life even happened.

Everything is just as it had been, as if the sounds of the cello I heard late at night and the way everyone had gathered around the hot pot had all been but a dream.

However…. While Camus-senpai typically has a packed schedule….

Lately, he seems to only be getting busier and busier.

He’s been going out a lot for things outside of work and getting back late….

Although he tries his best not to let me see, the exhaustion sometimes shows itself when he’s alone.

And despite my concern, Senpai still holds himself at a distance from others.

Time passes by without being able to ask.

Then one day—

That day, I abruptly awoke late at night. Having trouble falling back asleep, I went up to the living room to read a book—

The light is still on in Senpai’s room.

Haruka Nanami: Is he still working at this hour…?

As I quietly approach the stairs, trying not to wake him up should he be asleep, I hear someone moving on the floor above me.

Haruka Nanami: I knew it... he's still awake.

I remember Camus-senpai’s condition earlier that afternoon.

—Flashback

Haruka Nanami: Senpai, what would you like for dinner tonight?

Camus: ….

Haruka Nanami: Senpai...?

Camus: Hmm…? A-ah, I’ll leave that to you. Do what you think is best.

Haruka Nanami: Alright. U-Um….

Camus: No, there's no need to have any for me. I don't have time to eat. I will just pick something up when I do.

—Flashback End

Today, Camus-senpai looked the most tired he'd ever been.

He behaved with the same graceful demeanor at work, and once he got home, he was his usual proud and confident self.

However, the shadow of fatigue lurked at the edge of his actions throughout the day.

It’s so subtle that I was certain I wouldn't have noticed if I didn’t live with him every day.

But Senpai would normally never reveal even a hint of exhaustion, so it made me worry.

Haruka Nanami: I'm not sure what to do about it..

He’s someone who refuses to let anyone see his weaknesses. Even if you talk to him out of genuine concern, he would continue to vehemently deny that he was even a little bit tired.

Haruka Nanami: I could at least take some hot cocoa with me….

Sweets are energizing, and Senpai has a huge sweet tooth, so drinking it might make him happy. Alright, let's do that.

Haruka Nanami: I’ll make rich cocoa, and put plenty of his beloved marshmallows on top….

Wanting to give it to him while it’s still hot, I rush up to his bedroom.

But I notice something as I walk up the stairs. A dazzling white light emanates from Senpai’s bedroom, independent of the electric light.

Haruka Nanami: This is….

This is the same strange light I had seen at the agency that day, from neither a candle nor a flashlight.

Camus: A foreign prince? All right... I understand. No, do not tell Her Majesty. I don't want to cause her any unnecessary distress.

From outside the room, I can hear him talking to someone just like back then. What should I do…?

Select the phrase!

Walk away for now (+15 Love)

I wonder what this light was exactly.

It’s suspicious and makes me curious, but his voice sounds serious and I had a feeling I shouldn't interrupt him.

Besides, I’d already gotten into a lot of trouble for eavesdropping once. It was better not to listen anyway, right?

I decide to leave and start back down the stairs.

Camus: Don't worry about it. She's very important to Her Majesty, and I will protect her. Well then... I will keep you informed.

Then, his voice trails off and suddenly the light disappears.

Haruka Nanami: Oh, is it over...?

Relieved, I turn around and climb the stairs to deliver the hot cocoa.

Camus: What in the world... are they doing in Japan?

Haruka Nanami: Um, Camus-senpai. I have some hot....

Camus: Huh? You!

Haruka Nanami: Ah!

I let go of the tray in surprise and hot cocoa splatters all around me.

Haruka Nanami: Hot….

I yelp as heat flares up on the back of my hand where the spray had flown, and Senpai quickly sits up in his own surprise.

Camus: Oi!

Haruka Nanami: I-I’m sorry. I saw you were working and thought maybe you could use some cocoa….

The spilled hot cocoa spreads all over the floor. I find myself squatting down to check it, only to realize Senpai has rushed over to me as if in a panic.

Haruka Nanami: Oh no... it's spreading fast….

Camus: You don't have time for that, you fool. Give me your hand.

Before I can respond, he gently grabs a hold of my hand.

Haruka Nanami: U-um….

The serious look in his eyes as he stares at my hand causes my heart to skip a beat and I’m unable to move.

The first time I touch Senpai's hands, they are big, cool, and icy.

I’m also suddenly made aware of the obvious, that he is a man.

Camus: Stay still… I'll cool it down.

Huh?

The moment I question his words, something softly flickers in my field of vision.

Eh…. Was that... snow?

Are my eyes deceiving me? No, they’re not. Snow silently flutters only around our hands.

This should not be possible, but it’s such a beautiful sight.

With a pleasant coolness, I just watch the snow dance in and out of the air.

Haruka Nanami: Um… I-I'm not in pain anymore. I'll be okay.

The moment I open my mouth, it’s as if the magic had been broken, and the cold along with the snow all disappear.

Haruka Nanami: Senpai, just now….

Camus-senpai stands up swiftly and remains silent. Somewhat stiffly, he briefly averts his gaze.

Camus: Go to the kitchen…. Put it under running water for a bit.

Haruka Nanami: A-alright... But it was only a few drops, so it’s fine, really.

I yelped in surprise earlier, but it didn't turn red and it didn't hurt.

But more importantly, the snow just now...?

I rub my eyes but I can't see anything. I figured...I guess I was just looking at it wrong.

Camus: I'm just ensuring it doesn't hurt too much right now. I'll deal with the cocoa.

Haruka Nanami: G-got it.

I cool my hands in the kitchen, intending to return and help clean up the cocoa, but by the time I make my way back to Senpai’s bedroom, the floor is already nearly clean.

I join in to help him finish up, and soon the stain is completely gone.

Haruka Nanami: Thank goodness. It looks better now.

Camus: … Then go to bed. Do you know what time it is? In fact, what in the world were you doing up so late at night?

He sits down in his favorite chair and looks at me with a very displeased expression.

I was hoping to help him relax even if only a little, but I feel bad thinking about how I just ended up bothering him instead.

Haruka Nanami: I'm sorry. I just happened to wake up and....

Camus: Hmph. For one thing, you neglect your food and sleep. You think you can write a decent song like this? What a great composer you are.

Huh...?

Despite his harsh manner of speaking… I-is he worried about me?

Haruka Nanami: I-I know. I'm going to bed soon. But, are you doing okay? You look a bit unwell….

Camus: Hm. I don't have "sick" in my dictionary but I do have important work to do. This isn't something that will wear me out.

As always, the answer comes back to me with confidence.

However... there’s a shadow on his face as I thought there would be.

Excessively disregarding food and sleep was something that applied to him as well….

Haruka Nanami: Well, if there's anything I can do to help….

Camus: Ha. You belittle me. There is absolutely nothing you can do for me.

Haruka Nanami: But….

Select the phrase!

Would you like something to drink? (+30 Love)

Haruka Nanami: Would you like something to drink?

I spilled the hot cocoa earlier, so I ask if he’d like a replacement.

Haruka Nanami: If you're still working, maybe coffee. Or tea or hot milk if you're going to rest….

I’m so worried about him that I just want to do something useful, so I offer the best things I could think of.

He looks dumbfounded.

Camus: I said it was fine, but—you're unbelievable.

Haruka Nanami: I'm sorry….

Camus: However, it looks like you have a lot of time on your hands. Then, why don't you stop fooling around and play the unit song?

Haruka Nanami: You're asking to listen to me?!

It makes me very happy to hear, but I’m more worried about Senpai's well-being….

Camus: Hmph. I'm not interested in your music, but I do have a responsibility as your partner. What are you doing? Hurry up, or I'll change my mind.

I’m not entirely certain, but he quickly stands up and starts down the stairs.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes! Right away!

I rush to the piano in the living room.

SONG: "QUARTET NIGHT" (S RANK)

Camus: Oh… I see. I suppose it was worth my precious time.

Haruka Nanami: R-really!?

Camus: Don't get cocky. There's still plenty of room for improvement.

I should reduce the tempo at the beginning of the song to raise the listener's expectation. Then I should build up to the last part of the song and end it with a bang. Using Camus-senpai's advice, I modify the song and play it again.

Haruka Nanami: Amazing! It sounds so much better!

W-what did you think, Camus-senpai?

Camus: ….

Haruka Nanami: Senpai...?

When I raise my head to look at him, he appears to have asleep on the sofa at some point. I stand and approach him, but he didn't seem to be getting up at all.

Haruka Nanami: I called it. You were really tired, weren't you?

I smile a little when I see his peaceful sleeping face.

Senpai’s long, flowing hair drapes over his cheeks. Only when he was asleep did he have such a tender expression and no wrinkles between his eyebrows.

His face is so unbelievably beautiful that I couldn't believe these lips could spit out such cruel words.

Haruka Nanami: Not good. You'll catch a cold like this.

I glance up quickly. It’s still cold despite the fireplace being lit.

Haruka Nanami: Uh, is there anything I can lay on him…? That's right. If I remember correctly, there was a blanket by his desk.

I rush to Senpai's bedroom.

Haruka Nanami: Hm, I think it's... here. Here it is.

The blanket he often drapes over his lap while he works at night is folded over his chair.

I hold it in my arms and turn around to hurry back.

As I did so, the edge of the blanket got caught in a desk drawer.

Haruka Nanami: Ah!

When I tug on the blanket, the papers that had been piled on the desk flutter to the floor.

Haruka Nanami: Oh no, what did I do…?

As I hurry to pick them up off the floor, I’m suddenly drawn to a document.

The document is written in an unfamiliar language, but I saw a single Japanese name: Kotomi Aijima.

Haruka Nanami: Aijima...?

Aijima is Cecil's last name. But, Kotomi? Kotomi....

I think I had heard that Cecil-san's mother, the Queen of Agna Palace, had a name like that….

Haruka Nanami: But why is Senpai looking into Cecil-san's mother...?

What is the meaning of this?

As I unintentionally peek at the document, I notice another name on it.

It is... President Saotome's name.

(Chapter End)

[ladyhindsight]

Clare’s revisionism and the little care she had for Alec or Magnus in the early days comes all the more apparent in this chapter. It’s awkward and terrible and I can’t believe The Red Scrolls of Magic actually exists after reading this crap again.

In the end of the previous chapter, Magnus has reveal that Camille is her former girlfriend. Alec is astonished by this fact despite that he supposedly was aware of this.

Let’s take a look at this quote from TRSoM:

Leon glanced around, then said rapidly, “I mean, we’re both bisexual. Interested in men and women.”

“Oh,” said Alec. “I don’t know a lot about that, but again, good for you.”

Alec knew Magnus was the same way. He had begun to learn that there was a whole world he had been entirely cut off from, words like ‘bisexual’ and ‘pansexual’ he’d never really known. 

[…] In the dark small corners of his soul, Alec worried sometimes. Why would Magnus choose him if he could choose a girl, a woman, an easier life? He thought of how terrified he’d been once of how he would be judged.

There is no way to combine these two scenes and say that Alec did not know that Magnus would’ve also dated women. Underlining “girl” shows Alec is astonished that Magnus has not dated solely men, although according to Clare’s revisionism, Alec knows this.

Also because of this Alec characterization is also in complete shambles. In TRSoM, Alec is understanding and does not pry, yet here, in CoFA, he is demanding that knowledge in front of other people, because Clare has always treated them as a spectacle than give them one-on-one scenes.

Alec, read the fucking room.

Me neither.

It does no favors to write Magnus like this, pitifully staring after Alec who has just acted immaturely and out of jealousy, because he is of great age, because it all the more heavily underlines what a terrible basis their relationship has. The imbalance of power, the difference of age, Alec being incredibly young and inexperienced, Magnus essentially withholding his life and anything about him from Alec. It’s bad and incredibly disturbing.

We cut back to Clary and Jace as if it makes anything any better.

As if it is solely Clary’s responsibility to take care of Jace and Jace’s self-imposed problems, when all of this could’ve been solved if Jace was actually honest and cared about other people more than wallowing in self-pity and imposing his own suppositions on others instead of communication.

The plot is trying to happen, but it is buried underneath all this Loves Me, Loves Me Not.

No, it is not strange. This has been regurgitated over and over how Jace still thinks that, in some ways, Valentine is his father, and Clary, who has never knows Valentine, does not. This is nothing to point out anymore. This is a nonissue. Scrap the whole highlighted part and we can move on from these idle thoughts.

Jonathan/Sebastian goes through his name transformation in this book. But Jace never likes when he is called Jonathan, because he is Jace. Not liking to use a name because it’s same as yours is just dumb.

→ He doesn’t want to call him Jonathan either, Clary thought, though it was evident from Jace’s words and should not be underlines gazillion times that this book does. “Sebastian is dead,” she said, a little more...

We cut to Magnus’ PoV where he’s talking with Camille and are served with The Infernal Devices references.

After this, the story goes wild with TID references. Not really, but it stands out when the first half of it the amount is zero.

I can’t deal with all this frivolous drama prodding when there are other underlying issues that just Alec resembling Will and Alec being subsequently jealous about it because Magnus refuses to disclose anything.

Magnus and Camille don’t talk about anything Alec should not, under any circumstance, hear. This, again, should be another nonissue. Acting as if you have something to hide rarely builds up trust additionally refusing to tell anything about your life.

Cut back to Clary and Jace. They talk, they figure things out.

We love moments of self-awareness, though the downside is that it never leads to anywhere. Will Clary stop being so Jace-centered? No. Will she become more aware of other people around her? Also no.

So, what I have gathered:

→ Pregnant human injected with demon blood: Stillborn devil baby → Pregnant human injected with demon and Shadowhunter blood: Stillborn devil baby → Humans injected with demon blood: Death → Human impregnated by a demon: A warlock → Pregnant Shadowhunter injected with demon blood: Devil baby → Pregnant Shadowhunter injected with angel blood: More angelic baby → Shadowhunter and a demon: Unable to procreate → Unmarked Shadowhunter impregnated by a demon: A unique warlock

Clary and Jace agree that Jace is being beckoned by demonic powers, so they leave for Silent City in order to ask help from the Silent Brothers. The Silent Brothers look into Jace’s mind in order to ascertain what is the problem with him.

Clary, knowing full well how secrets only hinder and hurt things, still refuses to fess up.

It is not solely on Clarissa Morgenstern to tell the truth. Jace is equally culpable for keeping his death a secret. Also, Jace is so cool and sympathetic because he doesn’t care about dying.

Clary is also incredibly indifferent about her Shadowhunter name.

Hi, Jem. 👋 It’s a shame you weren’t there because Hodge didn’t know that kids have faces.

Here Brother Zachariah calls Jace with the name he goes by, Jace Lightwood. But as it is, everyone in this book is insistent on calling Herondales Herondales whether they want it or not.

There is no sense in this. It is Zachariah that continues talking. He called Jace “Jace Lightwood” and then immediately after goes “Jonathan Herondale”, like why?

What is this magical age eighteen? Why is it eighteen? Why does the magic work like that and stop working at eighteen? Alas, the book refuses to answer.

Clary reluctantly leaves Jace in the Silent City so the Brothers can take care of the consequences of keeping Jace’s death a secret. We cut to Simon and Jordan. Someone has delivered a newspaper under their door. The newspaper features an article about a girl who has been found murdered. This girl is Maureen, the girlfriend the tracksuit gang was trying to use to extort Simon.

This is the only thing I think is done well in this book. Maureen being the “girlfriend” is such a side note to everything going on, and the story leads you to believe that the threat must be about Clary, Maia, or Isabelle, especially when it is Clary who is at the time making her way to the address Simon was extorted to go as well.

This was a well-executed diversion, and the only positive thing I have to say.

[stingslikeabee]

Most unrealistic ever but pls entertain me, Kay/Zed, if Six and Mel had a kid

send me a pair name and I’ll tell you what I think it would be like if they had a child . accepting

Name: Virginia Claire Drysdell (the girl is named: a) after a Southern state; b) incorporates the name of Claire so Six can be related to a version of her by blood; c) only has mom's last name because Six is deleted from the system, after all). Gender: Female. General appearance: Virginia looks more like Six on the surface level - particularly because she got his lighter hair and the blue eyes, but her overall build and height are closer to Melissa's (petite, delicate-looking, the type of girl one feels the need to instinctively protect). She looks like a perfect porcelain doll, which is something that astonishes both of her parents because they consider themselves 'damaged goods'; how the hell their DNA combined in such a breathtaking way is beyond words. Virginia has very expressive eyes and can appear timid, but she's not - the moment she smiles, it's all gone; her smiles are wide, sincere and luminous. Apart from a tendency to break bones more easily than the average kid, she's very healthy. Personality: The girl looks deceptively demure and reserved - while, in truth, Virginia is loud laughter, affectionate hugs and incessant exploration. The fact is that she just takes longer to trust strangers/3rd parties to show her true self before them, something both her parents are both very good at doing. However, she is faster to bond and connect given the absence of traumatic episodes going up, and is generally well-liked and a breath of fresh air in the room. Virginia has a soft, nurturing side for all the broken and shunned things - from birds with damaged wings to the kids without friends, she is usually first in line to offer them some light to all that darkness. Special talents: Virginia can read anyone's body language flawlessly - probably because her father was never too big on saying certain things aloud and her mother wasn't so much better in that department. As a result, Virginia is surprisingly perceptive and will often interpret anyone's mood or thoughts with ease despite no words being said. Six doesn't need to tell her things - she just knows. In fact, if the two of them are alone, they will not speak when communicating sometimes. Who they like better: It's a close tie, but it's a little bit more Six than Melissa; Melissa doesn't even resent not being the favorite parent - she loves that it's actually Six because he sincerely needs genuine affection in his life. It's probably due to the fact that Virginia grew up to be someone who is really compassionate, and her father looks like the type of person who could do with a hug very often. The fact that they understand each other so well without speaking up also feels very special for Virginia - but she also appreciates and enjoys Melissa immensely; if the girls are together, her bubbly nature matches her mom's energy perfectly, too. Who they take after more: It's more evenly mixed here - usually people who are familiar with both Six and Melissa will say that Virginia is Six for outsiders and Melissa for insiders; she may appear reserved and ever inquisitive when she doesn't know someone, but will yearn for physical touch, laugh and smile often when she's safe within a trusted circle. It's a nice balance of the outward personalities of her parents and the way life shaped them (careful secret agent and charming intelligence broker). Personal Headcanon: Knows sign language, morse code and basically lives for enigmas, puzzles and secret languages; Virginia loves that Six speaks a million different languages and she is passionate about knowing everything about others means of communication - while she doesn't get to know what her father did until she was old enough to grasp the meaning of the Sierra Program and what it did to him, the girl always enjoyed the notion of creating special channels of communication and made her own ciphers for notes for her parents or friends. Faceclaim: Grace McKenna.

[ladypeonies]

credit

If you have been reading this blog, you perhaps remember my thoughts about Giffarine. But I have to admit they know what they’re doing, they understood the assignment. They know how to use the MileApo Bond and Brand, it’s in the editing itself, the music. Who is in charge of that music? They don’t need to do much, put MileApo in chairs next to each other and let the magic happen. Giffarine knows  you don’t just sell a serum, that’s ridiculous the key is to sell emotions, sentiments with it. That’s what people remember the most. And here is MileApo bond. Look how joyous they look together, as if they weren’t selling serums but an elixir for immortal life, come on, lol.

I encourage you to watch the whole interview, Mile and Apo are professionals and good sellers.

I love it, Giffarine uses their bond to sell serums and Apo is caught staring (which doesn’t happen often) and he uses Giffarine to justify is admiration and fondness for Mile.

“Because just now, you turned your face towards me and I’m impressed by your skin/face.” Please, damn Apo is good, lol. And he doesn’t know how to flirt, yeah right.

Mile: “You were staring at my face.”

Sir, what do you think you have been doing during every interview with Apo? Is it how it feels when one has a taste of their own medicine?

I think at first Mile isn’t that surprised to see Apo looking at him. It’s more the fact Apo keep watching, his focus on him and whatever he reads in that gaze which astonishes him. I mean Apo has a stare which can melt stone and I do understand Mile’s reaction here, which is even more telling because he should be used to those eyes by now.

The power these eyes hold. Remember what I told you?

Translation credit.

[greensagephase]

Alonda, i dont usually comment or ask anything on peoples pages, but oh my god, part nine was AMAZING.

the detail's were astonishing, and the portray of emotions was perfect. reading the chapter felt so unreal, as if i was reading from an actual published book. your so good with your words, i can almost feel whats happening irl. The attention to reader and miguels friendship was also amazing. im so glad we finally got to see them agree they're friends! reader taking care of miguel was also perfect. it sounded just like the way an actual friend would be helping irl, down to the part of helping him shower. which by the way, made me blush a lil bit HAHA. Miguels reaction to the nails on his scalp was so sweet. and the fact that miguel would give anything for reader to have peter back broke my heart. it was really so sweet. im honestly come across on tumblr.

everytime i read your writing, you sound like a professional. if you tol me you had 5 oublished books, id believe it.

this is the one story i think im gonna be genuinely sad about ending. but im also so so happy to see the finale.

love u, love ur writing. take care of urself! drink water, get a snack and some rest.

-anon

Hi, anon!! Thank you so much for sending this lovely ask 🥺 (also, sorry for the long reply!)

I'm so happy to see that you enjoyed the details and emotions of part nine! Your lovely comment about the chapter feeling like a published book - THANK YOU, omg!! 😭 That has to be one of the sweetest compliments I've ever received about my writing. Thank you so much, seriously! I don't have any published books but I've always dreamt about it and hope that one day I can publish some of my unfinished projects.

I'm also so happy that Miguel and reader finally admitted to being friends in their own ways, and I can't wait for Miguel to say it out loud to reader! I'm glad you enjoyed the caring for Miguel. I really wanted this chapter to be fluffy and cute and it be a way for reader and Miguel to get closer and solidify their friendship, so I'm glad you found the ways reader looked after him realistic, down to the shower, which made me feel shy, haha! So I understand the blushing! That part of washing Miguel's hair - omg. I enjoyed writing it so much and it was a bit of a guilty pleasure for me because I think Miguel would truly find it so relaxing? Just the idea of how he'd react to it - AH! I can't so I'll stop talking about it!

And listen, Miguel being willing to give up everything so reader can have Peter back - absolutely broken! He's so sweet and tender 🥹 To still be willing to give up reader and their friendship despite everything he's lost - he deserves the world!!

And aww, thank you, anon!!! I'll be sad once this story comes to an end, too. It's been great having the opportunity to write more in general but even more so because of a character I truly love. I never expected to feel this strongly over a character (I had my moments with others characters but Miguel has really raised the bar lol) but here I am. And to be able to share it with a community that equally loves this character is just so heartwarming. On the happier side, there's still a few chapters left (not sure how many) but I can guarantee you we still have a bit left for this story as we barely just got into the official friendship territory. Either way, I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story!!

Thank you so much for reading and for the lovely words! You have no idea how much it means to me! 🥹 And likewise, anon! Please take care of yourself 🥰 I hope to hear from you again! Have a lovely day/night!!!

-Alondra

[lost-in-sokovia]

You're unpredictable and that triggers my anxiety so much

One second you're sweet and kind and the next you're kind of scary

oh.

i’ve never received an anon like this, and truly it really kinda hurt to read. i don’t mean to trigger anxiety, i don’t mean to do anything but provide love, support, kindness, and safety.

when i answered earlier if anons were safe on my blog, i had read this and i felt a bit unworthy of saying “yes,” because even though i work so incredibly hard to provide a safe space, obviously i can’t be the ultimate determining factor of safety. i sure as hell work as hard as i can to make this a safe space though.

as far as this message goes, truly, anon, i don’t really know what to do with this. i am sorry i trigger your anxiety, but i also don’t know how i do it. like yeah i mean you said i’m scary, i just don’t quite understand. i know i like to joke around and i’m also a person who knows a lot about herself and how she and other people deserve to be treated… like i don’t gain anything constructive from this message and i am truly so knocked down right now on the other side of this screen. i don’t say this to make you feel bad or pity me, i’m just trying to tell you i’m truly so astonished and hurt and. speechless.

all i can tell you is is that if i trigger your anxiety that you should just unfollow me. i don’t know what else to say. i’m a person with many emotions, and though i usually try and bring my best self onto this app for others and only share my struggles so others don’t feel alone, i’m not just sunshine and rainbows all the time. obviously, however, i cannot tell you how i make you feel. like the fact that you are feeling certain feelings about me is something i can’t change and in that aspect you are completely valid, please don’t think i’m trying to invalidate you.

if you have anything a bit more constructive to say, please don’t hesitate to tell me. truly. it’s just, i’m not going to change myself or how i act in any drastic way if all i’m being told is that i’m chaotic and trigger your anxiety. it’s my platform, and i’m not being hateful to anyone so i have the right to conduct this blog how i want and post what i want. you’re the first person i’ve heard this from and i’m truly sorry if anybody else feels this way about me, but… what am i supposed to do?

i wish you nothing but peace and love, anon, i know what it’s like to struggle with anxiety, but there’s truly nothing i’m gaining from this but my heart breaking.

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

While your rant about the AI comment is very valid and I get it completely, and you have a right to be pissed about it: these comments are written by bots. It's a coincidence that your fic received one of these comments, they're being posted all over AO3. Don't take it as judgement about your writing in particular.

Prior to me writing that rant, I had no idea the AI bot situation even existed -- I found out through posting my rant to Tumblr about it, so even if it was a not-so-great experience, at least it served an informative purpose. it is impossible for me to say to myself after the fact: "Hey, perhaps you shouldn't have taken that AI bot seriously well before you even knew it was an AI bot." I mean . . . that's easy to say after the fact, but before you know it's a thing it's a bit challenging to parse. ;D Something else I wanted to make clear to build on some of this discussion:

I am not anti-AI, and I also feel that AI serves an extremely invaluable purpose in our current society. Case and point:

I am someone who gets to see the absolute best that AI has to offer in my job. Working with asylum seeking refugees, we use AI so that students can use cameras to translate documents in English to their native language. It helps us communicate in a way that was impossible before; a literal Babelfish. For myself, I take difficult high reading level worksheets they get in academic and use AI to change the reading level to A1 or pre-A1 so they can access the language. :) AI has been a godsend to my students. But tech has always been used for the absolute best, then the absolute worst. Unfortunately I got to experience some of the worst through the experience yesterday. The AI even had insults programmed in that felt far too real, which is kind of astonishing to consider.

So I've seen both sides of AI. I am an advocate for the best of it, but of course there are people out there who won't hesitate to use it for ill purposes as well.

In my line of work, being accused of plagiarism is MASSIVE. As in the kind of thing I could literally lose my job for. So yeah, in my line of work editing, teaching writing ethics, and curriculum designing, being called a plagiarist is among one of the more serious and insulting accusations you can get. I don't exclusively write fanfics, I write in my line of work for my dinner/paycheck.

From where I am sitting and what I do for a living, it's definitely pretty personal to me to sling around a word like "plagiarist" when it is the kind of thing that folks like me who write curriculum for a living can get fired over. I get that doesn't apply to fanfiction, but at least understand where I am coming from when I say that at my job, "plagiarist" is a very serious accusation that comes with grounds for termination -- therefore I don't react kindly to it when it gets attached to my name.

I will say this though, even though it sucked getting got by a bot, I prefer that so, so much more than an actual human going out of their way to write insulting messages to me. :D And if it can save even one other writer the stress/anger that I experienced before knowing it was a bot, in my eyes, it was worth having it happen to me to at least be able to help other writers here learn about it. Anyway thanks for your feedback and for jumping in on the discussion! I'm new to this info/experience, but it was a valuable learning moment for me as a writer and what we now have to contend with.

[searchingforthedreamscape]

Beast Wars: Season 2, Ep. 10: Transmutate

(SPOILERS: This post contains spoilers for “Transmutate”. If you haven’t seen this episode, I encourage you to watch it. It’s a very good, if not sad, episode.)

I was gonna make an entire paragraph, waxing poetic about this show and the wonders of childhood, but I’m in a bad mood, so y’all’re gonna have to settle for some old-fashioned nerd rage.

As a member of the Transformers fandom, there’s never really been a time where I’ve gotten upset with them. They’re usually a good bunch of grapes in the vineyard of awfulness called life. However, there’s something that’s come up fairly recently. Something that seems to sour my overall mood whenever I come across it. That, my dear Sparklings, is discourse. I’m not talking about ship wars (Lord knows that’s an insurmountable beast to conquer.). I’m talking about a particular episode of Beast Wars. If you’ve read the title of this post, then you know where this is about to go.

Beast Wars season 2, episode 10: “Transmutate” is an episode that involves the Maximals and Predicons getting their hands on the newest stasis pod that had been revealed in an earthquake. Silverbolt, Optimus, Inferno, and Rampage approach at the same time. As it turns out, the stasis pod’s data is corrupted, which then gives rise to a being that looks similar to a prototype of a robot. Rampage takes this being and assesses it, giving it the label of “transmutant”. The being then gives itself a name: “Transmutate”.

During the entirety of the episode, we learn that Transmutate has this powerful, sonic weapon at their disposal. Rhinox suggests that the Maximals put Transmutate into stasis until they can get back to Cybertron. However, as the protoform roams the halls of the Axilon, they get a signal from Rampage that beckons them to leave the ship. Not knowing any better, Transmutate flies through the ship’s hull, setting off the alarms. So, Silverbolt and Optimus give chase.

Silverbolt catches up with Transmutate and tries to fight Rampage. The two warring bots fall from a cliff, heavily damaged from battle. They fire missiles at one another. In that moment, Transmutate leaps down, summoning a forcefeild. However, it isn’t strong enough. Transmutate dies from severe damage, but not before acknowledging their friends.

So, I bet you’re all wondering how this episode is considered ableist by some fans. And honestly? I’m wondering that too. The posts I’ve read on this hellsite claim that Transmutate is disabled coded, but I don’t see it. If anything, Transmutate is child coded. They don’t speak much and if they do, it’s usually one to three words. They don’t understand the consequences of their actions because they lack the critical thinking skills required. They’re super trusting and they have issues with emotional regulation. Which, to me, means that they’re a baby.

After watching the episode on YouTube --as you do--, I took a look at the comments to see what the consensus is, and sure the fuck enough, someone was trying to pull the “what would they think?” card. And this is why I’m a little testy tonight. See, I’m of the belief that questions like this belittle folks like me. What did I think of a child character dying a violent, horrible death on screen? I didn’t think because I was too busy crying my eyes out in pure sadness. (I mean my god. Poor Transmutate.) The fact that someone would even dare to assume that it negatively effects how disabled people see themselves is astonishing. How dare they assume that disabled people would be affected by something some Joe Schmoe on the internet read too much into. It’s way too frustrating. I mean, as someone who was actually born with Muscular Dystrophy, I have enough people trying to speak for me. I don’t need some stranger pulling that shit online.

Anyways, I hope you lovelies enjoyed this post! And please, for the love of all that is holy, watch that episode!

TL:DR: After reading a post on Tumblr about how ableist this episode is, I watched it and....It’s not ableist. I got big mad and made this monstrosity of a post.

[hexdsl]

Stranger in a Strange Land (by Robert Heinlein)

Thou Art God.

I have just finished it and I have things to say.

Grok.

The word "Grok" is the reason I read this book. The word Grok is taken to mean either "understand" or "know." You may have encountered this word if you spend any time with "high end" ass hats. You see, casually dropping a foreign word into conversation is the behaviour of the sorts of people who like the smell of their own farts. Adding a world from a made up language is a special kind of masturbation even by "fart sniffer" standards. Yet. Many shrivelled winkles of people think its a perfect thing to do. As you can grok, I am hostile towards this behaviour. Also. If you use the word you have bloody well better have read the damned book!

Grok. A made up word. The only word of the Martian language that is actually explicitly used in this novel. The fact that some how its gotten into general usage by some basement dwelling freaks is astonishing to me not least because its meaning is at best vague. Do you have any friends who use "Smuf" on the regular? well, next time someone says "Grok" to me, I fully intend to reply with "Ah smuf, smurf, but I think smuf smuf smuf, then there is smuf to consider.... you grok? DO YOU SMUFING GROK THAT?"

Despite my hostility to using made up words in general conversation the word its self is not held accountable by me. I have never however been able to hunt down a definition that actually stands up to any scrutiny. The reason for this is that its a Martian word that's used to express a relationship between things in a way that we have no world for on earth, and certainly not in English.

Depending on usage it can mean understand, know, intercourse, eat, consume, destroy, and a bunch more. The most common usage however on its own basically means to know something effortlessly on a spiritual level. So when some dick end tells me they "grok how to use" an application I will be even more irate. I'm pretty good with Vim but is it an effortless spiritual experience? No. Its a fucking text editor.

Also I will not be accepting its casual usage by someone who I suspect has no idea of its origin.

Its out of my system now. Ill continue...

It is this word that prompted me to add this to my reading list a space above "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" Mr Heinlein's arguably more well known work (I'll get to that one soon. I promise.) Its been a blast. The book has some great moments and is honestly a joy to read although it does meander more than a little at times.

The plot

Team of explorers get a ship as far as mars and as far as anyone know, die there.

Years later a proper space ship gets there and its like WHAT! a HUMAN!

Turns out the original team didn't die on the way, they died on Mars. But not before jumping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. A baby is born and its raised my Martians (who are seemingly a peaceful people who don't care about all the Human fornication around them)

Anyway, they bring that young lad back to earth. He doesn't really speak any English (Or other earth based dialect) but he is smarter than most people and learns real fast.

What's this? He is the legal inheritor to a vast fortune because his mom invented space! (okay, space ship engines) this makes him a problem for the government as its AMAZON levels of money. Oh, also.. He legally owns Mars because REASON OKAY!

Some stuff happens! He ends up in the care of a Doctor Jubal Harshaw. An older man who is grumpy, seemingly a bit of a perv and apparently a literal, for real genius himself. He helps the boy get whats owed to him by starting a legal fight with the world government.

All that was spoilers-lite and takes you up to the early "meat" of the story. The rest is well into that real spoiler territory.

The Man from Mars (Valentine Michael Smith, Mike as he is known) learns some things and has some things happen. The book blind sides you with a sudden reveal that he has "Super Powers" and can remove things from existence at will. Astral Project. Slow his perception of time, use telekinesis, never sleeps, control his own body on a genetic level and remember everything he ever sees or hears.

The fella is a little over powered to say the least. But he is a nice boy. People like him. It is said that his powers come from the fact that he thinks in Martian a language that empowers him to control reality by understanding it deeply (If he groks a thing he can change a thing)

Anyway, he has a lot of sex and starts his own church.

That little summery is the most basic version of the plot. But in a lot of ways it's not the plot that kept me hooked on this novel. The writing is rigid and often inelegant. The story takes place in three wildly different "bits" of the Martian man's life and it seems to have random but infrequent flashes into "heaven" that are literal nonsense the likes of which I have not read since "the Illuminatus trilogy" or whatever that Robert Anton Wilson thing was called (again a good book with some stupid narrative)

The Good.

The Man from Mars - Valentine Michael Smith has a pretty interesting journey from confused alien to skilled speaker an all the people in his life sparkle with wonderful individuality. He is humble and lovable while being maybe the most dangerous man on earth. He learns things in ways that come across reasonably and his Martian motivations are constantly explained and justified to the reader. While written in formal rigid style at times the story has a wonderful way with the characterisation.

I'm not even sure this is a science fiction novel. It's set in "the future" sure but the Man from Mars is just a device for exploring religious faith, scientific knowledge and the questions that our concepts of objective morality really gloss over. It could quiet easily have been Man from the future, Man from Heaven, Genetic experiment Man. Doesn't matter. Not even a little. He is a device for generating circumstance and the conversations that follow it. I liked that. A lot.

This book has no villain and that is a nice change to the normal. Oh and it invented the idea of Water Beds (A little aside for you there)

The story puts forward a Martian idea that once you "share water" with someone, they are your "brother" (regardless of gender, Martians don't have gender) and once they are your "brother" you are family forever. You will die for them, kill for them and follow their every wish. They do the same for you. It's a founding idea that Mike has that is at the core of his beliefs.

It also puts forward the idea of a "fair witnesss" someone trained to observe, remember and report EXACTLY what they saw and heard. Admissible in court and a very respected profession. The point is made that when recounting things when will give only factual information and make NO assumptions about things. I love this idea. Its sort of daft when we have recording equipment but I love it anyway.

Most of the book is not action or adventure. Its conversations, long conversations between characters. Some explaining things to Mike, Some talking about him and rationalising his actions. Its deeply philosophical and is very willing to question "modern" American civilization and Taboo. Often the writer puts himself in a position where he has to both defend and attack morality and reason. Its fascinating to me because the conversations are interesting on their own and because as a reader you know this is essentially the writer talking to himself. I still have no idea what side of all this Robert Heinlein supports. I have a few guesses but its not explicit.

As the book goes on it get braver in its questioning and its derived answers. Mike realises that out ability to think clearly is tied to language and Martian is a more complex and refined language hence the speaker is gifted with "abilities" because he is better in touch with reality. Thinking in Martian is inherently going to make you better at everything. He teaches his first real love and travelling companion Gillian a little Martian and she begins to see the world differently.

I have been somewhat interested in the idea of more complex language effecting ones personal reality ever since I first read Grant Morrison's Invisibles. There is something poetic in the idea and I find it captivating.

Eventually Mike "Groks" Humans and has a good old laugh at us. I mean that literally. Once he has "Groked to fullness" he is overwhelmed with laughter for the first time in his life. He then slowly decides that he can help a lot of people by sharing his knowledge of Martian and the book jumps about two years into the narrative.

Its this point that the tone changed from polite critique of social norms to full on free-love new-age throw it all out and fuck everything.

The "nest" as its called is a temple of sorts where the members of the church live. They practice nudity, open sex with multiple partners and a belief that they do all this because they are closer to enlightenment. The book is pretty specific that they are. The sex writing in the book is quite tasteful and mostly can be read and enjoyed even all these years later. Mostly, but ill come back to that.

The little cult is a joyful place where people all just love each other free from modern morality. They never get sick, they hardly sleep and they accept each other totally. Its how we all should want to live if you ask me.

All this happens in the highest "level" of the church because you cant accept this pure angelic life style until you learn Martian. Learning Martian makes you better. Angelic seems to be the right word.

There are a lot of characters in this book. I have not talked about many, the reason for this is that it's the ideas that are important not the people having the ideas. But the character of Jubal Harshaw was one that I adored. He is at first introduced as a grumpy airbag. Surrounded by beautiful women he introduces as his secretaries. He lives in a big house with a pool. His household is free and has basically no rules, no clocks and no TV.

It soon becomes apparent that Jubal is a genius who is a qualified lawyer, doctor and a part time writer. He has a political past that is barely covered in the story but hinted at a lot. He's always grumpy, seems to be set in his ways and those girls really are his secretaries.

His works flow is simple, he has an idea for a book, poem or article. He shouts "font" and one of the girls starts writing down what he said. At some point it will be written up, edited and sent to some magazine, publisher or news organisation. This is all done by the girls.

Jubal starts off by refusing to help Mike and Gillian but soon finds himself drawn into the boys life. He's a wonderfully written character who manages to be rude and arrogant in the name of justice and rightness. Such a flawed but deep man. Eventually he becomes the unwilling patron saint of "the church" and its referenced and the only man alive who can "grok all things" without learning Martian. His innate understanding of things carries him further than most humans simply because he thinks about things.

The way Jubal runs his "house hold" is only a little step away from the free and pure "nest" that the church lives in. He was pretty close to enlightenment before he even met Mike, or at least. Thats the implication as I read it.

I think it would be easy to say that Jubal was the writers fantasy projection of himself but I don't buy that theory at all. Most writers are within all their characters but in this case I think Jubal represents the writers own regrets while the girls in the book reflect his hopes and their forgiveness of his bad tempter his own internal conversations and struggles.

The religious morality of the book reminds me in no small part to Wiccan faith but taken to a more open and honest extreme than you would fine any Wiccan admitting to striving for. The basic teachings are there. All things have a soul of sorts, God/Gods are in all of us (We are all gods of out own) and love, emotional or physical should not be a thing that we feel shame for. Oh and faith brings control of reality in one form or another.

The Bad

The book meanders a LOT and a modern editor would have stripped it down quite a bit, making it more punchy and circling points less. As I said earlier, its mostly conversations and things to make that conversation happen. Many of the events are far less interesting than the discussion that result.

There are some lines in this novel that are to say the least indelicate and the opinions one woman in the novel has about rape and it often being the fault of the victim are not okay. The writer is very wrong and is projecting shitty opinions even for a book from the 1960s. There are some moments where the motivations on the female characters lead me to wonder if Robert Heinlein has ever met one. But over all from the point of view of those in this story and the way the world was when it was written back in '61 I forgive a lot. You almost have to when reading old science fiction. The writers often think they are being edgy but are just being strange and shitty.

Also, Mike is free from the human morality trappings but its continually said that he is "not a homosexual" maybe its because I'm reading this many many years after it was written but the books obsession with only putting your winkle into lady holes contradicts a lot of the Martian teaching in this book. Its a little odd. If Mike wants to be gay then that's fine. No one will care. At least not in "current year"

There are also moments where Mike seems to outright disrespect the women in his life (Calling them whores and such like) while everyone including those women respond as if he is being flattering. Quite odd. If this was supposed to portray a loving in-joke or banter it missed the mark for me.

I'm no prude and I have no issues I with multi person relationships as a way of life as long as its all equal and respectful. In this religion mutual respect, free will and agency are founding ideals but the introduction to it is a little heavy handed. It goes from "I should start a Church" to lets have sex with these people! Now her, now here, now we are all nude allllllll the time. It could have been handled better considering how slow the conversations are, it could have got there in a smoother way.

There are these moments when it is suddenly in "heaven!?!?" and angels are talking. Total bollocks and needless. Literally BORING but thankfully it doesn't do it a lot. So honestly fucking strange though and without reason. It makes the book worse by being there.

The ending

The ending of science fiction is often the make or break moment and this one has quite a telegraphed ending (I wont go that spoiler heavy) But over all an optimistic one.

It also arrived at its ending quite suddenly and it feels a little like Mr Heinlein suddenly ran out of ideas and wanted a quick exit.

The Verdict!

I liked it a lot. Despite the flaws in the narrative an bad politics at times. The core story and main characters are loverly. It makes you question things and leaves you with a warm glow that makes you want to greet everyone with "thou art god"

I think I have some more specific thoughts about some of the things raised in this book but I have to let all this noodle about for a bit.

I will read again on day, I'm sure.

[daydreamerdrew]

Comics read this past week:

The Night Force (1982) #1-7

I really enjoyed the positioning of the characters in this book. The premise is that Baron Winters is manipulating a rotating cast of characters each arc into defeating an evil that has arisen that he is uniquely knowledgeable about, and it seems that in the process he is regularly ruining these people's lives. He doesn't have any sort of fantastical foresight, which means that he's not a perfect mastermind of events, giving the book a genuine feeling of unpredictability that you wouldn't get if you thought everything had been perfectly arranged. Baron Winters is also a relatively minor character in the story, as the fact that he never leaves his house often keeps him physically removed from the main plot. The two protagonists of this first 7-issue arc are Jack Gold and Donovan Cain, who are initially pitted against one another, but then are forced into an uneasy alliance. Vanessa Van Helsing is who they are initially fighting over, then trying to save together, then trying to escape from together. I found the characterizations of these three characters and how they played off of one another in their changing positions very compelling. I had spent a good amount of time before this primarily reading kids/all-ages comics, and so found this adult-oriented book very refreshing. The characters' faults, as they are manipulated and lead into the trap of saving the world, are depicted and explored in a way that I felt was uniquely free (in comparison a lot of what I usually read, at least) from the constraint of palatable heroes.

The Incredible Hulk (1968) #189-194 and Giant-Size Defenders (1974) #5 and The Defenders (1972) #26-32 and Fantastic Four (1961) #166-167

In this batch of issues I went within the main The Incredible Hulk title from April 1975 to November 1975. Len Wein wrote all of those main title issues. Herb Trimpe's final issue as penciller was #193, after he'd been drawing the book since 1968 starting with issue #106. He's been replaced by Sal Buscema. In all honesty, I was never a huge fan of Trimpe's art and prefer Buscema's style for the Hulk, but it's still a saddening end of an era. Particularly considering how throughout the Hulk's run in Tales to Astonish that he went through a sometimes legitimately absurd rotation of artists. As a fan of the character, I appreciate Trimpe's loyalty to the series.

The Incredible Hulk #189 was the first issue ever written from the Hulk’s perspective with his own narration, rather than from a omniscient narrator removed from the story, which I really enjoyed. The issue contained some notable details for me like the Hulk having a nightmare about the incident with the gamma bomb that first turned Bruce into him and being uncomfortable entering a cave because it reminded him of some of the prisons he's been kept in. I can understand why they wouldn't always do this and don't dislike the omniscient narrator (except for when he's trying to get me to sympathize with General Ross) but I hope this technique is continued to be used occasionally even if sparingly.

Also issue #189 had the Hulk come across a young girl singing in the wilderness which stood out to me as a parallel to the scene in issue #182 where the Hulk came across Crackerjack Jackson playing the harmonica in the woods. With Crackerjack, the Hulk listens to the music for a while completely absorbed until Crackerjack notices him, then the Hulk reacts "like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar" and nearly leaves to get away from the "puny human" until Crackerjack coaxes him to stay by offering him beans.  With the young girl, the Hulk likes her singing and follows it until he finds her and realizes that the singer "was not a puny human" and is instead a little girl. Then he tries to leave quietly because "singing is too good... too pretty... for Hulk to stay and ruin it." And then when she does see him, he immediately apologizes and says "Hulk did not mean to make you stop singing. Please... sing again. Hulk will go away... and let you sing in peace." When she asks him not to leave and if he really liked it he tells her "Little girl's singing makes Hulk warm in this cold place. Everyone should hear girl sing."

Issue #191 had the Hulk in a paradise made from his dreams pulled from his own mind that had Crackerjack Jackson in it. This showed that the Hulk still remembered him despite his infamously terrible memory which I really liked because they had a uniquely sweet relationship until it’s tragic end. Also, there have been multiple instances across different issues of the Hulk seeking out beans since Crackerjack introduced him to them.

Doc Samson returns in issue #192 after leaving in issue #147 and it looks like he’s going to stay as a part of the cast for a while. I’m finding his characterization a lot more interesting this time around. In his first little run in the book he was really just there to break up Bruce and Betty which then wasn’t committed to at all so Bruce and Betty were still together and Samson was just kind of awkwardly hanging out until he was written out of the book by having him lose his powers. He regains him powers immediately after being reintroduced and is glad when it happens, acknowledging that he’d been hoping for it and had still been carrying his costume around with him just in case. He’s thankfully being written as a person with flaws, as it would be very annoying to have this character in the Hulk’s book that’s essentially the Hulk but ‘perfect’. In his first fight with the Hulk, he doesn’t properly convey why he needs the Hulk to come with him (so that Bruce can help save Glenn Talbot) because he had clearly wanted a rematch with the Hulk and so is actually the immature one in the situation. The only downside is that now there’s another character in the military cast of the book’s plot, which I feel hinders Betty’s chances of getting interesting writing.

I had previously been enjoying Valkyrie's character but now I'm really dissatisfied with her storyline. She started out as this newly-constructed being placed within Barbara Denton's body who had to learn about the world and how to be a person in it and eventually developed an uneasiness around not knowing anything about Barbara and doubts that she could be a real person without any memories. But I have not been enjoying the direction her character has been taken since Barbara's husband Jack Norris was introduced and it became clear that he wasn't leaving. At this point he's no longer trying to get Valkyrie away from the Defenders and is no longer constantly accusing her of being delusional, but he still thinks of Valkyrie as Barbara, still thinks of her as his wife, and expects her to think the same and becomes angry with her when she doesn't remember his and Barbara's life together or doesn't reciprocate his feelings. He's very annoying. And he's always with her now! Even when she flies off on her pegasus to battle with the Defenders, he's riding Aragon too, for some inexplicable reason. I really don't think it's been properly justified why Valkyrie is putting up with him and letting him hang around. I'm also frustrated that the Hulk hasn't had any part in this plotline. Both Nighthawk and Dr. Strange have had multiple moments that express how they feel about Jack, but the Hulk hasn't, which is particularly bothersome when the Hulk is present for scenes where Jack yells at Valkyrie or where Valkyrie pushes Jack away from her because it's deeply out of character for him to not at the very least threaten Jack for that given how protective he's been of Valkyrie in the past.

I remember being a little disappointed when Nighthawk was introduced to replace Namor on the Defenders because I had liked the Hulk and Namor's dynamic together, but now I'm really enjoying his character too. Giant-Size Defenders #5 had a reprinted back-up story from Daredevil (1964) #62 that depicted Nighthawk back when he was a villain, which was honestly a bit of whiplash for me only really being familiar with the character after he reformed and joined the Defenders but I actually enjoyed seeing this part of his history. In the story he drugs Daredevil to aid in one-upping him as a hero so that he can replace him because he wants the fun and glory of being a respected hero, but by the end of the story Daredevil reveals his true character to the public. And now he's on the Defenders which is a secretive, private superhero team that takes care to ensure that the public doesn't know about them. Also The Defenders #32 had a section titled "My Life and Times (Good and Bad) as Told by the Brain of Kyle (Nighthawk) Richmond" which explored Kyle's childhood and how it formed his psyche. It depicts him learning at a young age that "there was no percentage in letting your feeling show" and that at the boarding school his callous father left him at for years he regularly got into physical fights with both students and staff. After that he struggled in college because "all those years I'd spent protecting myself instead of studying had taken their toll." The ultimate conclusion is that at 28 years old, "I'm still that nine-year-old kid who was left at Westhaven. I'm still a troublemaker. Still hot-tempered. Still looking for someone to be my father."

The World of Edena by Jean "Mœbius" Giraud

I really enjoyed this book. I found the story and the world and the evolving storytelling used to depict them really fascinating. There's a quote in this book, cited to early in the project, where Moebius says that "The project will change according to my own evolution. I established some plot developments that exceed my current skills, and that's very interesting to me because, if I want to get to the bottom of this story, I will have to go over my own head. I will have to work and grow up." I think that there was very much a noticeable sense of the creator growing with the project, not just in how the art changes, but in how the story seems to expand and expand. I also think that there was also a noticeable sense of this project being something important and heartfelt to the creator. I was really compelled by the exploration of these characters being over-reliant on technology to the point of complete disconnect from the natural world and their own bodies, and the conflict that arose from the two main characters being able to properly engage with and embrace Edena (Eden) while others completely rejected it, and I was intrigued by one character's gender identity journey. Though I'm not sure how I feel about the ending of the book just yet. I also really enjoyed the mixing of science fiction and fantasy. This was my first book by this creator and now I’m interested in checking out other works by him.