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guitars-and-kaleidoscope-eyes · 1 year

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Here Today

Chapter Ten: "They're" Leaving Home

Author's Note:

So it's been a LONG TIME since I've updated this series, and I'm sorry for that. I've been having horrible writer's block, which is why it's taken me so long to get this out. However, during this time, I've been starting the next chapter to Here Today, which means it will be out sooner than usual.

In case you missed previous chapters:

August, 1960

"HAMBURG? OF ALL THE PLACES IN EUROPE YOU COULD CHOOSE, YOU CHOSE HAMBURG!" Mimi shouted at John in the doorway of the house with Paul, George, Stuart, and Pete standing in the doorway akwardly, holding their suitcases and instruments.

"Mimi, lots of other bands have gone there before. And we've got a lot of gigs scheduled there." John argued.

"And what about school? Hm? When do you plan to go back there?" Mimi asked with her hands on her hips.

"I'm not." John answered. "I'm dropping out to focus on the group."

"John, if you aren't even willing to stay in school, at least go out and get a real job!" Mimi said.

"Well I've got a real job Mimi! And we're leaving tonight!" John shouted.

With that, John grabbed his guitar case in his left hand and his suitcase in his right hand and stormed out of the house with his mates following behind him. But they only managed to just make it to the side walk before John heard his aunt yell out the window, "John Winston Lennon! Mark my words, you will never make a carrier out of playing a guitar."

John didn't even flinch at that. The two years of living with Mimi after Julia had died were awful and unbearable. John had managed to get into art school, but soon found his lessons to be long and wasteful to him. It also didn't help that this one girl was consistently being, at least to John, far too proper. Her name was Cynthia. Pretty girl though. John had struck up a conversation with her one day at a pub. He´d learned she was engaged. For some reason, John seemed to have feelings for her. The same he had for Paul. But this was wrong! No, Paul was the one he loved! He had to be.

Early the next morning, the five boys were awoken by a boat whistle and bright sunlight in their faces. Paul opened his eyes and rubbed them. He sat up from the benches the group were sleeping on and rubbed his aching back. He looked around. A few men on a dock were tying the boat to the dock and began unloading cargo.

Paul looked down at his legs to see George was still cuddled up to him, which he had a habit of doing when sleeping next to someone. Anyone who slept with George always woke up being cuddled. It was a bit annoying to Paul at first, but he grew to find it kinda sweet.

"Ey, Georgie." Paul said softly and rubbed his shoulder. George's eyes fluttered open sleepily. "Wanna help me get everyone up? We just arrived." George nodded and sat up, moaning at the aching in his back from sleeping on a hard wooden bench.

"I know. I didn't´t feel any better waking up ethier." Paul said.

The two boys went around waking everyone else. Paul always sort of felt a bit protective of George, always calling him Georgie. He felt a bit sorry for him. He was the youngest in the group and here he was in a completely new country to him at only seventeen. Paul vowed to look out for George while he was here. He was like his baby brother almost.

"Hey! Was denkst du, Kinder, was du tust?" Paul turned around to see a chubby tall man yelling at them in German.

"Eh, Stu, we need your translation skills." Paul said to Stewart, knowing he could speak German. Stewart rubbed his eyes and walked over to the man.

"Sir, wir sind eine Band hier aus Liverpool."

"Ja, das habe ich von den Instrumenten her vermutet."

"Ja, wir haben hier für ein paar Wochen Gigs geplant und wir dachten, ein Frachtschiff zu nehmen wäre der billigste Weg, um hierher zu kommen."

"Das ist in Ordnung. Einfach schnell absteigen. Wir müssen dieses Schiff zurück nach Liverpool schicken."

Stewart nooded at the man and walked back to the group.

"Well what'd he say?" John asked.

"Well I told him that we´re a rock band, which he guessed by the instruments, and that we took the cargo ship because it was the cheapest option. He told us it was fine and that he just needs us off." Stewart said.

"Well you lot heard the man. Lets go." John said, grabbing his bags. The group made their way off the ship and walked into the streets.

"Here we are boys!" John said, lifting his arms in the air with the city behind him.

"So where are we going?" Pete asked. "Have we even got a place to sleep."

"We´ll get to that." John said. "Now-"

"John." Paul said with a stiff voice. "We do have a place we´re going to, don´t we?"

"Yes McCartney, we do." John sneered, coming closer to Paul.

"Alright, where is it then?" Asked Paul. They were now nose to nose.

"Ok, I didn´t actually make plans of where we´re staying at." John mumbled.

"Then where the hell are we going?" George yelled, leaving the band a bit shocked at the normally quiet man raising his voice.

"I´m not sure. I was going to get that organized when we get to the gig we have tonight. It´s from 8:00 to 11:00." John said.

"Fine. Where is the gig?" Paul asked.

"I think the place is called The Indra Club." John said.

"You think?" Paul asked.

"Look McCartney, you want to go, the boat's right over there." John said, pointing to the boat about to leave the dock. "This is the life of a rock star. So ethier tough it up or go home!"

The others somewhat nodded their heads in agreement, then followed John, who was leading them. No one really knew where they were going to, they were all really just following John.

After about an hour of walking, they finally made it to the bar they were going to play at. It was a brick building at the corner of two streets. The band entered through the front doors and walked down the basement steps and into the bar.

"Ey." Stuart said softly, elbowing Paul's arm to get his attention. Paul turned around. "Have you noticed John's seemed a bit tense lately?"

"Well, yeah. But he did lose his mum." Paul said, trying to take John's side.

"But it's been two bloody years already!" Stewart said. "Wouldn't he 'ave... Gotten over it by now?"

"Not really that easy Stu. I mean, his relationship was a bit more complicated with his mum then mine was with me mother." Paul said, growing a bit sad at the conversation. Stuart patted Paul's arm a bit.

There were a few people in the bar. Hardly any, sitting at tables, talking, drinking. John noticed a girl with short blonde hair wiping down tables.

"Oy, bird!" John yelled at the girl, who looked up from the table she was cleaning.

"John!" Paul yelled and smacked his arm.

"Iz alright." The girl said in a German accent.

"Uh, we're The Quarrymen." Paul said, taking hold of the conversation. "We were supposed to play a gig here."

"Ah yez. I heard about you." The girl said with a smile. "I'm Astrid Kirchherr. I work here part time."

"Well 'ello Astrid luv. It's nice to meet you." Paul said with a wink and shook her hand, turning on his McCartney charm. Astrid giggled a bit.

"Astrid! Genug geflirtet! Sie müssen Tische abräumen!" A man yelled in Astrid's direction.

"Sir, das sind die Steinbrecher. Sie sind hier, um heute Abend einen Auftritt zu spielen." Astrid told the man.

"Oh ja, Astrid, sag ihnen, sie können mit dem Aufwärmen beginnen, dann sollten die Leute in einer halben Stunde eintreffen." The man said to her.

"Um, he said you guys can start warming up, then people will start coming in about half an hour." Astrid said. "He's Mr. Bilstein, by the way. He owns thiz pub."

Paul winked at Astrid, earning a dirty look from John, and joined the band on stage.

"So what the hell was that back there?" John asked Paul angerly.

"Just asking her a question." Paul said in an innocent, almost cocky way, while tuning his guitar. John walked closer to him on the small stage.

"You knew danm well what you were doing back there!" John growled. The two were now nose to nose.

"You really want to start this right now?" Paul asked seriously, trying to keep the peace while George, Stu, and Pete watched, confused.

John looked at the other three, then back to Paul. Then repeated that movement.

"Watch it, McCartney!" John growled low.

The performance went well. Well, as well as it could go with the tension between Paul and John. The other three members could feel the tension on the stage. They took turns giving concerned glances at each other throughout the show. There were about thirty people in the audience. By the last ten minutes of the performance, Astrid had taken a seat at one of the front tables, grinning and cheering at the ending of each song.

"Oh! You were wonderful!" Astrid cried when the band had made their way off the stage at the end of the show.

"Thankyou darling." Stewart said with a soft smile.

"I hope Mr. Bilstein wasn't too upset by you taking a ten minute break to watch the show." Pete asked concerned.

"Oh, not at all." Astrid replied, "My shift ended just fifteen minutez ago anyway."

"Well, could we buy you a drink?" Paul asked.

"Uh, actually, we couldn't." John said. "We really have to leave now."

"Oh, already?" Astrid asked, looking a bit sad.

"Oh, we'll be back tomorrow." Stewart quickly added. "You see, we're going to be playing here for the next few months."

"Oh, that'z great! I know the audience loved you tonight!" Astrid said with a smile. "So where will you be staying?"

Stewart looked at the girl with a nervous face, quickly trying to come up with something to say. After all, he couldn't just say that his band had no idea and would probably be homeless during their stay in Hamburg.

"Um, well you see-"

"Uh, we were going to stay at a hostel just a few miles away from here, but they cancelled the reservations we had planned." John made up an excuse. "So if you'll excuse us, we'll now be leaving to find another place to stay."

But just as John was turning around with his band following him, Astrid called out, "Well wait a minute, I might know a place you can stay."

John scuffed and continued to walk backstage where their bags were, but Paul turned around in interest and came back to Astrid, telling the band to wait up for him.

"And where might that be?" Paul asked with a smile.

"Well it'z not really the best place, as a matter of fact, it'z really horrible, but it'z free of charge." Astrid told him. "You see, about fifteen minutes from here, iz a movie theater, that show porn. But they have a small space that was once used as living quarterz for staff. It haz a few mattresses and a loo attached to it. Iz not exactly the best place, in fact, iz right next to the men's loo, but it'z indoors and it has heating for cooler weather."

"Are you sure we'd be able to stay their?" Paul asked, his nose scrunching up at the idea of having to live in some hole-in-the-wall for the next some months.

"My uncle owns the theater, so I'm sure I could persuade him to let you stay." Astrid said.

"Well, I'm sure I could persuade the guys to do it." Paul said.

After ten minutes, the band and Astrid were walking to the theater. It only took about ten seconds to convince George, Stewart, and Pete to go along with it. Though they hadn't imagined being forced to sleep in some dirty porn theater, they were happy to at last have some place in doors to sleep. As for John, it took nearly five minutes. Paul couldn't understand what it was with John not wanting to go along with anything that had to do with Astrid. She seemed like a nice girl. But John ignored her the entire way to the theater. The others made conversation, but John was silent.

Finally, they arrived. The outside was a gray brick building with prostitutes standing in the doorways and garbage littering the streets. Astrid was about to lead them in, when Paul gently grabbed her shoulder to stop her.

"THIS, is where we're staying?" He asked shocked. He had known when The Quarrymen had first left Liverpool, that their living arrangements weren't going to be the best, but he expected nothing like this!

"Yez, unfortunately the buildingz in this part of Hamburg are not the cleanezt, but this is the only place we really have." Astrid sighed.

The group continued their way into the theater. They were lead down a hallway, just past the ticket booth. Astrid took a moment to speak to whom the group assumed was her uncle. After a good ten minutes, Astrid came back to the group, telling them her uncle was going to let them stay. Once they reached the end of the hallway, Astrid pulled a key out of her front right pocket and opened the door. She flipped a light switch and a light fixture on the ceiling illuminated the room.

The room had beige colored walls. A short hallway lead into an open room with a two-seating sofa and a small television set that sat on the floor. A window gave a view of the street. In the corner was a small kitchen area that consisted of two cuboards, a sink, a mini fridge, and a microwave. There was a second hallway next to the kitchen area. Astrid showed the group where the bathroom and each bedroom was. There were three bedroooms. Each bedroom had two matresses laying on the floor, a dresser, and a lamp on the floor. The floors in all of the rooms were concreate.

"So thiz iz the whole place." Astrid said as she finished showing them the rest of the place and handed the key to Paul. "I'm sorry it'z dirty, it'z almost never used, but it'z still free if you all would still like to take it."

"Yes luv," Stuwart said in a flirtatious way, "We'll be glad to"

Later that night, everyone had put their things away and chosen their rooms. Paul and John decided they would share a room, as did Stewart and Pete, and George was given the smaller room to himself.

It was about one in the morning. Everyone except Paul and John had fallen asleep. John was tossing and turning on his mattress while Paul lay looking at the ceiling.

"Ey Johnny, you still awake."

"No! I've been asleep this whole time!" John grumbled sarcastically. "What the hell do you want?"

"I think we should talk about something." Paul said, now looking over at John."

"There's nothing that needs to be said. Now sleep!" John said.

"John, why were you acting the way you were today?"

"Fuck off." He heard John mumble into his pillow.

"Like that." Paul continued. "You've been pissed off for the past month. You're here scaring' me and the lads. What's wrong?"

When Paul couldn't get an answer, he pulled his blanket off of himself and walked over to John. He sat on the edge of the mattress and began running his hand through his sightly curly hair. John could feel the mattress dip down when Paul sat on it. John had to force himself to remain angry with Paul as he felt his hand stroking through his hair. But it was no use. Paul had a way of using his charm to woo anyone, and John happened to fall victim to this.

"I'm sorry Paul." John said. "I've just been going through shit."

"What do you mean?" Paul asked gently.

"Mimi has been hell to live with since... since the accident." John said, obviously referring to Julia's death.

"She and I have been at each other's throats over things we never used to argue about."

John and Paul were silent for a moment. Then Paul brought something else up.

"And another thing John. Why were you so rude to Astrid earlier?"

"That was with something you were doing." John answered. "What was that with you flirting with her?"

"Jealous?" Paul asked.

"Yes!" John answered, much to Paul's surprise. "Of course I was jealous! Why would you do something like that?"

"I... don't know." Paul said. John scuffed at that remark.

"Look, if it will make you happy, I won't do it anymore."

"Good... pigeon chest." John mumbled.

"Pigeon chest?" Paul asked in confusion.

"Yeah, yer chest is less developed." John said.

"Alright," Paul chuckled, "Then I'm gonna call you four eyes."

"Goodnight pigeon chest."

"Goodnight four eyes."

#rock music #fanfiction #the beatles #john paul george and ringo #john lennon #paul mccartney #george harrison #ringo starr #mclennon #fanfic #fan fic reading

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rillabrooke · 4 years

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2021 Reading List

An Accidental Duchess - littleLo (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Twelfth: Corinthe - Victor Hugo

Room Service - leigh_ (Wattpad)

Anne of Windy Poplars - L. M. Montgomery*

The Crucible - Arthur Miller**

And Then There Were None - Agatha Christie**

Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston**

Cherry Knots - hepburnettes (Wattpad)

Breakup Formula - hepburnettes (Wattpad)

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde**

Plunder - rskovach (Wattpad)

Lost With You - ArabiaJ (Wattpad)

A Farewell To Arms - Ernest Hemingway**

Hired To Love - JordanLynde (Wattpad)*

Pygmalion - George Bernard Shaw**

1984 - George Orwell**

In the Arms of My Enemy - TenayaGatrell2 (Wattpad)

The Ultimate Gift - Jim Stovall**

A Thousand Storms - yuenwrites (Wattpad)

Bartleby, The Scrivener - Herman Melville**

The Yellow Wallpaper - Charlotte Perkins Gilman**

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allan Poe*

The Awakening - Kate Chopin**

Of Beauties and Beasts - gingerbread250 (Wattpad)

Sleepwalker - humored (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Thirteenth: Marius Enters the Shadow - Victor Hugo

A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens* **

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson* **

Othello - William Shakespeare**

The Bully - TeaRainAndLove (Wattpad)

The Quirky Tale of April Hale - demonicblackcat (Wattpad)

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald**

Quirky Romantic Queries About Love - demonicblackcat (Wattpad)

The Fog Horn - Ray Bradbury**

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury**

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Fourteenth: The Grandeurs of Despair - Victor Hugo

Shoot the Jerk - TheStupefying (Wattpad)

An Abundance of Katherines - John Green*

Annabelle's Will - LeeleeKez (Wattpad)

Million Dollar Woman - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Taxi Service - SydneyDruckman (Wattpad)

Door To Door - defend (Wattpad)*

Prince Charming - romanceandcake (Wattpad)

Daughters of the King - Purplejeans (Wattpad)

Falling for the Seat Filler - steffy_t (Wattpad)

Sarah, Plain and Tall - Patricia MacLachlan*

The Game Changer - steffy_t (Wattpad)

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne

Around the World in 80 Days - Jules Verne*

The Bachelor - greenwriter (Wattpad)

Paris in the Rain - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. IV: Saint-Denis, Book Fifteenth: The Rue de l'Homme Armé - Victor Hugo

Snapshot - arcticstars (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book First: The War Between Four Walls - Victor Hugo

The Mysterious Benedict Society - Trenton Lee Stewart*

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Second: The Intestine of the Leviathan - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Third: Mud but the Soul - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Fourth: Javert Derailed - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Fifth: Grandson and Grandfather - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Sixth: The Sleepless Night - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Seventh: The Last Draft from the Cup - Victor Hugo

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Eighth: Fading Away of the Twilight - Victor Hugo

Lady in Rags - Spiszy (Wattpad)

Les Miserables, Vol. V: Jean Valjean, Book Ninth: Supreme Shadow, Supreme Dawn - Victor Hugo

Widow in White - Spiszy (Wattpad)

A Song For You - UnsinkableShips (Wattpad)

Anne's House of Dreams - L. M. Montgomery*

Friendship for Dummies - leigh_ (Wattpad)

The Mermaid Hypothesis - adam_and_jane (Wattpad)

The Murders in the Rue Morgue - Edgar Allan Poe

Take Me Home - blissom (Wattpad)

The Cask of Amontillado - Edgar Allan Poe*

The Fall of the House of Usher - Edgar Allan Poe

62 Letters to You - UnsinkableShips (Wattpad)

The Chances of Mary Jane Chaucer - arrowheads (Wattpad)

The Pit and the Pendulum - Edgar Allan Poe

Bequest - rowena_wiseman (Wattpad)

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare

Age Matters - Enjelicious (Webtoon)

To Love Your Enemy - Jungyoon / Taegon (Webtoon)

Noblesse - Jeho Son / Kwangsu Lee (Webtoon)

The Steward of Blackwood Hall - flights_of_fantasy (Wattpad)

Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis

Much Ado About Nothing - William Shakespeare*

Macbeth - William Shakespeare**

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

Matilda - Roald Dahl

Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins

The Mystery of Marie Rogêt - Edgar Allan Poe

The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar - Edgar Allan Poe

The Thousand-and-Second Tale of Scheherazade - Edgar Allan Poe

The Balloon-Hoax - Edgar Allan Poe

The Masque of the Red Death - Edgar Allan Poe

The Premature Burial - Edgar Allan Poe

Berenice - Edgar Allan Poe

Never Bet the Devil Your Head - Edgar Allan Poe

The Sphinx - Edgar Allan Poe

Morella - Edgar Allan Poe

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allan Poe

* reread ** for school

#I've decided to keep a reading list this year to motivate me to read more #I'm going to include every book i read in les mis cuz i promised myself I'd finish it this year #reading list #an accidental duchess started off rough to say the least #the first chapter was horrible but it got a lot better as the writer's skill increased (to be expected of a wattpad book)#there was a lot of corset blasphemy- the mc didn't wear a corset cuz it was a torture device made by men 🙃#however it gets bonus points cuz it was a murder mystery #and while i figured out the murderer right away #i did genuinely believe a mc was going to die so props for a believable death scene #⭐⭐⭐

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fatesdeepdive · 3 years

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Entry 51: Waiting 37 Turns for a Character I Hate

Paralogue 13: After the End

Subaki and Hayato travel through the dark, creepy forest where Hayato’s daughter Rhajat lives. After seeing an army of faceless, Hayato explains that Rhajat experiments with the dark arts and summoned the faceless to be her minions. We then get a good look at Rhajat and

Oh god.

Oh no.

So Rhajat is just Tharja from Awakening. And Tharja, the obsessive evil fanservice Yandere she is, wasn’t my first pick for a character to reappear. I did personally enjoy a lot of the black comedy from Tharja, but the obsessiveness with Robin got old and made her unbearable in romantic Supports. She was also heavily used for fanservice, leading to her being one of the Awakening characters with the most appearances in other games, despite characters with much more depth existing.

Fortunately for everyone who hated Tharja, you can recruit Rhajat by beating her up. Alternatively, you can talk to her with Hayato and have him tell her to cut it out. But where’s the fun in that?

Similar to Leo’s boss chapter, this map is filled with faceless and poison bogs. To be honest, I kinda find faceless chapters to be boring; the lack of a weapon triangle makes fighting them less strategic. It was made worse in this one by the constant reinforcements that don’t stop when Rhajat gets KOd. I decided to ignore closing up the enemy-respawning bogs, figuring that I could take out the army on my own. After being surrounded by fifty faceless, I realized that was dumb.

So anyway 37 turns later, Hayato lectures Rhajat on summoning unholy abominations and recruits her so he can keep an eye on her. Subaki and Rhajat joke about making potions to make Hayato taller and less childish.

Also, Corrin saves Rhajat from a faceless so she’s in love with her now and wants to stalk her forever. Yay. And, fun fact, the dialogue does change if Corrin is Rhajat’s mother, but it’s still every bit as creepy and obsessive.

Rhajat

Tharja from Awakening. A creepy, obsessive, yandere Dark Mage. Or, more accurately, a yandere Diviner, because dark magic is a Nohrian thing. I got enough Tharja from Awakening and Heroes, so I’m not too fond of Tharja coming back. At least the fact that she’s a child means she won’t be abusive this time. Her personal skill, Vendetta, makes her do extra damage if she fights an enemy multiple times.

Support: Hayato/Rhajat

C: Hayato lectures Rhajay on how she needs to be more social. Rhajat ignores him because he's just a kid.

B: Rhajat explains that she is actually older than her father because of all her time in the Deeprealms.

A: Hayato apologizes for leaving her alone for so long and calls himself a selfish child. He says he'll always love her, regardless of how old she gets.

Review: Actually a genuinely good Support, surprisingly enough. It examines a logical end result of this game’s stupid stupid fucking story and uses it to have a bittersweet Support. Giving it to Hayato is especially fitting.

Support: Rhajat/Mother

C: Rhaja performs a "good luck" spell on a bunch of villagers. All of them get sick. Her mother asks her if she made them sick by accident and tells her to fix it so they won't fear her. Rhajat says people will fear her anyway, so what's the point?

B: Rhajat's mother attempts to help the villagers without Rhajat finding out.

A: Rhajat reveals that she isn't to blame and creates an herb that cures the villagers. Rhajat says that she didn't explain jack shit because she doesn't care what the villagers think of her, only that her mother trusts her.

Review: This one is kinda weird, to be honest. Rhajat doesn’t exonerate herself and is upset that her mother doesn’t trust her, despite the fact that her Paralogue has her potentially killing members of our army by accident. Rhajat should be viewed with suspicion!

Support: Corrin/Rhajat

C: Rhajat stares at her soulmate, Corrin.

B: Rhajat stalks Corrin, giggling. Rhajat reveals that Corrin saved her once before Paralogue 13, when she was a little girl and fell off a cliff.

A: Corrin apologizes for being creeped out by Rhajat stalking them. This is not the type of thing you should apologize for. This is not a healthy Support.

S: Rhajat says she'll stop stalking Corrin. Corrin says that Rhajat should keep stalking, because they enjoy it. They get married.

Review: Yeah, no. This one is creepy, not cute.

Now you may be thinking, wait a minute, this dumb fucking blog writer mislabelled that Support! The male Corrin/child unit Supports are normally labeled Moron/Whatever. The thing is, both genders of Corrin have identical Supports with Rhajat. Including the S-Rank.

Rhajat and Corrin are both canonically bisexual. So is Niles from Conquest, by the way. Fates was the first Fire Emblem game, after twenty-five years and thirteen other installments, to feature openly LGBT characters. And I mean...representation is good. As a concept, representation is good. This game’s representation is very very bad, though.

It’s kinda shitty that the first openly bisexual Fire Emblem character is a vaguely evil stalker yandere. It plays into a ton of quite frankly horrible stereotypes. And Niles isn’t too much better. And oh god, do not get me started on Soleil.

It’s good this game had representation. But goddamn is the representation awful. And it’s made worse that it only comes in the form of two characters, one barely relevant to the plot, who just reuse their conversations with Corrin of the opposite sex. It’s an afterthought, really.

I don’t know enough about Japanese politics to speak with confidence on this issue; from what I’ve heard, gay rights were a bit more controversial there in 2015 than in the US. But also, who gives a shit? It’s the job of an artist to go against social norms. If society says that having gay characters that aren’t stereotypes is wrong, then fuck society.

Fortunately, Three Houses had better representation. Not good representation, it’s a lot of the same stuff in this game. But at least it’s slightly better.

Oh, one more thing on this Support. I don’t normally talk about the Japanese version of this game, both because I don’t know much about it and because this is focused on the English translation. That said, I do know that the Japanese version of this Support implies that Robin and Tharja from Awakening are reincarnations of Corrin and Rhajat, respectively. And that’s kinda dumb. Rhajat is a recycled Tharja, but Corrin and Robin have nothing in common besides being protagonists. Also, that makes the question of when this game takes place in relation to Awakening even more complicated.

And, with that, we are out of Portal Babies! Time to play Conquest.

#rhajat fire emblem #hayato fire emblem #tharja fire emblem #corrin fire emblem #fire emblem fates #fire emblem awakening #fe 14

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dnvrsmedia · 4 years

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You Feel Safe?

Carol Danvers x reader

summary: You and Carol are sent on a mission together for the first time.

warnings: none! good ole fluff! mutual pinning & my fav troupe the “only one bed” :)

AN: IM BACK! I am SO sorry i’ve been gone for like 2 weeks, but I had the WORST writers block omg! Hopefully this gets me back in the time of everything & I hope y’all enjoy! as always requests are open!

part 2

You were called to be on a mission yesterday. If it were any other day you wouldn’t have minded so much, but it was supposed to be your first weekend off in almost a month. You could almost taste the short lived freedom as you stepped into your room that friday evening, but of course, the world had other plans for you. The literal moment you set your bags down,friday informs you that steve needs you in the debrief room.

Obviously pissed off that you were robbed of your planned relaxing weekend, you trot to the debrief room with heavy steps and a frown. You’re known as the cheerful one around the compound. You’re always worried about others safety and health. So, when you passed Nat on the way to meet Steve without saying hello, she immediately knew something was off. Not wanting to interrupt you, she shrugs it off and makes sure to make a mental note to ask you what’s wrong later on.

You finally reach the debrief room and see a familiar tall blonde talking to Steve. You’ve only met Carol about two times, but you wouldn’t really call that a formal meeting. The two of you were too busy trying to save the world from thanos to really indulge in a conversation. But that doesn’t matter right now.

“Stevie, you know I love you, but why the ever loving fuck are you calling me on my weekend off. You know I haven’t gotten one in a while!” You exclaim as you go in to hug him. Steve has also been away on a mission for a while, so you haven’t seen your older brother figure in a while.

He gives out a hardy chuckle and gives you a tight squeeze before letting go. “I know y/n and I feel horrible doing so, but you’re the only gal for the job. Plus, you haven’t properly met Captain Danvers over here yet!” He points to Carol as she sticks out her hand to shake.

“Please, call me Carol.” She winks. You shake her hand as your face burns bright red. God y/n keep it together! You can’t help but to stare at her beautiful being. Everything about her is absolutely gorgeous and you can’t seem to get enough. Your eyes trail down to her strong biceps. All all you can think about is how much you wouldn’t mind if she put you in a choke hold i mean-

Steve clears his throat and asks you if you heard a word he just said. Now you start to blush profusely. She had to notice you staring, because she’s sporting a wicked smirk on her face.

“S-sorry I got a little uh...distracted.” You clear your throat. You notice Steve rolling his eyes and continues to debrief the mission. The both of you were to go undercover as girlfriends to a ball. This wasn’t any ordinary ball though. At the ball, there is an underground auction on alien tech. The reason you were picked and not Nat is because you can turn invisible. Once invisible, you were to sneak into the auction and take back that very valuable piece of tech. Carol is tagging along because of her extensive knowledge on alien tech. This mission was clearly meant for the two of you.

Soon after, you were dismissed to your quarters and packing for the three day long mission in Tuscany, Italy. Luckily for you since you don’t own many dresses, Nat popped by to let you borrow a few. She originally came by to see why you were so upset, but as soon as she saw you packing your bags she already knew.

“So, are you excited to play girlfriend with miss twinkle hands? Last time you two met you could barely take your eyes off oh her.” She slyly smirks as she folds your shirt. You immediately scoff as your face starts to heat up.

“I was just making sure she didn’t die! I do that every time with everyone when we’re saving the world!” You squeak. Nat could definitely tell that you were lying. I mean come on, she’s a highly skilled spy. She just mutters a ‘yeah sure’ and rolls her eyes. You shoo her away so you could ‘get your beauty sleep’ before you leave for the mission. Moments after you finally get settled in bed, you hear a knock at your door. Too tired to get up, you ask friday to let whoever is at the door in. Soon later, you’re eye to eye with Carol herself.

“Oh were you about to sleep? I’m sorry I can go if you want.” She shyly smiles and starts to walk away. You’ve never seen Carol like this before, and you wish you could see more of her.

“No,” you sit up and pat the space next to you on the bed. “It’s okay I promise. Come sit.” You gently smile. Soon after your smile is taken over by a big yawn. You hear Carol chuckle and sit next to you.

“You sure you aren’t gonna fall alseep on me, y/n?” She teased.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You lazily smiled. “Now, why did you want to see me?” you questioned.

“I just uh wanted to get to know you better. I mean if you’re gonna be my girlfriend, then I should actually know you, right?” she answered. You blushed majorly at her calling you her girlfriend. Yes, you know it’s only for the mission, but you can’t help but feel giddy.

“Well, what do you want to know? I’m an open book.” you replied while looking into her eyes. You could get lost in her perfect chestnut eyes. You can tell that she is a strong and loving person, but she also has been hurt. You wish you could take her pain away, but sadly that’s not how it always works.

From then on, the two of you spent your last hours before the flight to Tuscany talking about anything and everything. You told her things you don’t even think you’ve told Nat or Steve yet. Just something about Carol makes you want to pour your deepest darkest feelings and thoughts out. She’s just so welcoming and warm. You do end up falling asleep due to the day of hard work you endured. Carol soon notices and covers you in your blanket before leaving. The two of you have about four hours before the flight and she still hadn’t packed. She leaves your room with the widest smile on her face.

You wake up two hours later to your alarm. You always set your alarms according to, so you don’t get behind schedule. Before missions, you like to get a light workout and combat in. You groggily get up from your bed and change into your workout clothes.

You get down to the gym and immediately notice Carol at the punching bag. She was wearing a black sports bra with matching athletic leggings and hair was in a pony tail. You are completely in awe. Of course you’ve seen her fight before, but that was in a life or death matter. You didn’t have time to gawk at the way her back muscles contracted every time she moves. Or hear the little grunts she huffs out as her fist collides with the punching bag.

She must’ve felt someone staring at her, because she turns around in the middle of punching the bag and smirks. Your face seems to permanently be red because of her, but you couldn’t really complain could you?

You shake your head and get straight into your workout routine. You turn on your favorite playlist and get straight to work. You get in light stretching before you do your 2 miles on the treadmill. You hit the weights right after. Throughout your whole workout, the both of you share stole glances. You catch her looking at your ass through the mirror as you back squat and chuckle. You’re just about to bench press as she walks up to your station.

“Here, lemme spot you. I don’t need the bar falling on your pretty face.” She smirks and steps behind the you.

“How nice of you, Captain. You know, I’m a lot stronger than I look. Trust me, I’m a big girl.” Now it’s your time to watch as her face gets red.

“Oh trust me I know. You can never be too cautious.” She winks and you playfully roll your eyes.

About an hour after, you finally finish your work out. You thank Carol once again and go on your way to your room to take a quick shower before meeting her at the quinjet. You say bye to your fellow avengers (well who’s not on a mission), and go on your marry way to Tuscany. The both of you arrive in Tuscany at 8pm. You were visibly tired, so you couldn’t wait to eat something and curl up in your own bed.

Carol helps you with you bag, although you said you can cary it, and takes the both of you to the room. The view from the room is astounding. Your eyes pan all over the room, then you see it. To your surprise, there is only one bed and a very uncomfortable looking couch. You can tell Carol notices as well as she starts to put her things by the couch.

“You can take the bed, trust me I don’t mind.” She smiles her adorable smile.

“Are you kidding me? We’re both adults here, Captain. We can share the bed and I’m not letting you say no! That couch looks so uncomfortable!” You rant as you move your things over to the bed. “Now, what do you want for dinner?” You turn your head to see he smiling at you.

The pair of you decided on some authentic Italian food for take out. So here you are, currently eating fancy Italian food with a beautiful girl in romantic Italy. Seriously what could get better than this. You guys talk for hours until it’s time to go to bed.

You’re the first one to freshen up in the bathroom before bed. You step out in only your towel, and Carols face heats up so quick.

“I-I’ll just go uh go in there uh I uh- yeah.” She mutters out as she grabs her things and rushes herself into the bathroom. You laugh to yourself then get dressed. You snuggle up in the bed with one of your books and start reading. You finish a chapter when you hear Carol get out the bathroom. You’ve never seen her look so casual before. You can’t help but smile at her Captain america pj pants.

“Steve gave em to me as a gag gift for my birthday last year.” she chuckled and gets into bed with you.

You put your book down and turn on the TV to entertain the two of you. The TV was nearly there for background noise, since you weren’t paying attention at all. You say there thinking about how happy you’ve felt around Carol for the past two days, and hoped she felt the same. A loud lawn broke your trace. You realized it’s getting late, so you turned off the TV and got comfy in the bed.

“Sleep well, Y/n.” You hear Carol say as you’re about to drift into sleep.

“Goodnight, Carol.” You day softly as you nod off into the dream state.

beep! beep! beep!

Your overly loud, yet useful, alarm wakes you up. You go to reach to turn it off but you can’t reach it. You look down and see a sleeping Carol lying on top of you. Her arm is wrapped around your waist as hair is strewn across her face. You smile down at her and admire how soft she looks. You take your free hand and move her fly aways from her face. She stirs awake and looks into your eyes. She throws herself back and starts to apologize profusely.

“Hey, hey, look it’s okay I uh actually enjoyed it. If we’re being honest I haven’t slept that well in a long time.” You blush as you look down at your hands. Carol soon takes your hands and gently caresses them with her own.

“I haven’t slept that well in a while either actually. I normally get nightmares, but with you...” She whispers.

“You feel safe?” You ask as she nods her head with a smile. “That’s exactly how I feel too.” You beam.

Carol scoots closer to you and places her palm on your cheek. You heart begins to race as she slowly inches forward to kiss you. Just as your lips are about to touch, your alarm blares once more and the two of you bump heads.

“I should probably turn that off.” You groan.

“Yeah,” She chuckles “You should.”

#captain marvel x female reader #carol danvers x you #carol danvers x reader #carol x reader #femxfem #gxg imagine #captain marvel x reader #marvel x you #nat x reader #natasha fluff #natasha fic #carol fic #mcu x reader #carol danvers #steve #steve x reader #steve rogers

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Stupid For You, Chapter 1 (Crygi/Jankie/Jaida x Nicky) - Metaluna

A/N: Hi, everyone! I’ve been having horrific writer’s block for Wasteland, Baby and along the way started writing this! It’s a nice change of pace from writing about the end of the world!

Summary: It’s the summer before Gigi goes to college, and she decides it’s time to take a job at a local amusement park. There, she meets Crystal, a beautiful girl that she with bonds over the anxiety of the service industry. Almost immediately, Gigi gets it BAD for Crystal. Meanwhile, Jackie definitely ISN’T gay. She likes men. Only. Men. What happens when a beautiful girl named Jan comes into the picture? And lastly, Nicky flirts with anything with a pulse. Jaida falls for anyone who gives her attention. This is going to be one interesting summer.

Working at an amusement park the summer before college seemed like such a cliché. But, Gigi needed money, and a job was a job. It was either that, or working in a cafeteria at a performing arts camp, and she wasn’t about to serve chicken nuggets to obnoxious theatre kids all day. Between the two, she figured that working at Paradise Isle would be a much better first job.

It wasn’t all bad. At least she got to pick what job she wanted. As someone with immense anxiety, the thought of lifeguarding or working rides was out of the question. After hearing horror stories about working custodial and foods from her older sister, she’d settled on sales. Mainly because it was the only thing left to choose from, besides games, but Gigi knew she didn’t have the personality to get people to waste their money on games that were probably impossible to win.

The night before, Gigi barely slept. She was so nervous about her first job. She looked in the mirror at her tired eyes. While lying awake in bed, she went back in forth in her head on whether or not she should wear makeup, and if she did how much. After looking at herself, she decided a full face was in order.

After finishing her makeup, she made her way to her closet. Five identical outfits hung next to each other. They were absolutely hideous. No matter how good her makeup skills were, she was going to look ridiculous. The polyester shirt looked like one that the uncle that nobody likes would wear to the family reunion. It was a blue polyester polo shirt that was an obnoxious shade of light blue with palm trees on it. In the corner, it had the logo of the park. The polo did not fit Gigi well, and made her slender frame look like a box. To complete the outfit, the shorts were the same loud color as the collar of the polo. Just like the shirt, the shorts were too big. She tied her belt tightly around her, but she could fit both legs into one leg hole.

The finishing touch was her name badge. It featured an extremely unflattering photo, Gigi was pretty sure she was about to blink in it. Across the bottom it said GEORGIANA GOODE, SALES. The only people who called her by her full name were her grandparents, and her mom the time she had found her daughter sneaking back into the house one night after a party.

Gigi laid out the map with directions on her center console. She knew where the park was, she and her sister grew up going ever summer, but the employee areas were a mystery to her. Considering that she had a horrible sense of direction, she wanted to give herself extra time for when she inevitably got lost.

Eventually, she found her way. She was incredibly thankful that she only had a short walk to the HR office, because that means there was no possible way she could get lost. Once she was inside of the office, a receptionist instructed her to go into the conference room. There were two rows of chairs set up. The chairs looked cold and uncomfortable, the kind that would be found in a grade school classroom. There was an empty chair next to a girl with black hair and brown eyes in the back row.

“Is this seat taken?”

The girl gestured for her to sit.

“I’m Gigi.”

“Jackie.”

“Nice to meet you, Jackie. What’s your job going to be?”

“Rides. You?”

“Sales.”

“Is this your first summer at good ol’ Paradise Isle?”

“Yeah, it is. How about you?”

“No. This is year three for me.”

Gigi raised her eyebrows. “So you like it here?”

“Oh, hell no. This place sucks. But, I get a lot of hours and can save money for when I’m at college. That’s what’s keeps most of us here.” Jackie saw Gigi’s nervous expression. “So, the work here is terrible. But, you will meet some of the best people you will find here. There’s nothing like bonding with a group of people over getting yelled at things that are vastly above your pay grade.”

“Jackie!” a voice called. A tall, statuesque girl sat on Jackie’s other side.

“Gigi, this is Jaida. Jaida, this is Gigi. Gigi’s fresh blood. She’s going to be joining you in sales.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jaida began. “Listen. I don’t what all my girl Jackie has told you, but this place kinda sucks. But, the people are great.”

“Yeah she mentioned that. Why does this place suck so much?”

“Literally everything,” a voice chimed in. “Get ready to spend all day in the heat getting yelled at about things that aren’t your fault, and management that never has any idea what the hell is going on. It’s hell. I’m Heidi by the way.”

Before the meeting began, Gigi became acclimated with the others in the room with her. She learned Heidi was also returning to games. There was girl who was also new, named Widow who was going to games. Gigi met a girl with a French accent named Nicky who was hired in rides.

“Brita!” all of the returning workers squealed as a very tall girl entered the room.

“Girls, this is Brita. She is an icon. That’s all you need to know.”

“Jaida, you’re too kind,” Brita said, grasping to imaginary pearls. She continued exchanging pleasantries with all of the veteran workers.

A bubbly looking blonde enthusiastically made her way into the room, and dramatically plopped next to Gigi.

“Hi, there! I’m Jan. It’s my first year. I’m going to be in sales!” With the confidence that Jan had walking into the room, Gigi was surprised that it was Jan’s first summer, too.

“Me, too!”

Jackie awkwardly introduced herself. “Hi. I’m um. I’m Jackie.”

“Hi! Oh my gosh this, is so exciting. I’m just really happy to be here!”

“You won’t be after today,” Brita warned. Jan frowned.

“Don’t scare the poor girl. We all remember our first summer. We were so full of hope… before we were dead inside,” Jaida laughed.

“One last seat. Who’s gonna fill it?” Brita’s voice was full fake wonderment.

Just as she questioned it, a girl nervously made her way through the door. She had red hair, but Gigi could tell it was dyed. Gigi was surprised the girl got away with it, considering upon getting hired, she had to hire a contract to keep a natural looking appearance. Even though she didn’t think it was possible, this girl looked like she had more makeup on than Gigi did. The girl nervously sat down in the last seat available, the one right in front of Gigi.

“Hi,” Gigi began. “I’m Gigi. Is this your first summer?”

The girl smiled. “Yes! It is! I’m Crystal. I’m games, how about you?”

“Sales.”

Crystal and Gigi got to know each other better. They both had just graduated high school. Crystal had attended Gigi’s rival high school. They had playful banter about the rivalry. It turned out they were both going to attend the same university in the fall. They had just started talking about their majors when a woman entered.

“Hello there, welcome! My name is Michelle Visage, owner of Paradise Isle. I take great pride in this park, as it has been in my family for three generations. I think that this summer is going to be one for the books. We’ve got so many new hires, as well as a lot of familiar faces.”

Gigi zoned out as Michelle went on more about the mission statement of the park. The rest of the orientation was a blur. There were some safety videos, as well as some videos that were borderline propganda showing how great of a workplace it was. In one of the videos, Gigi spotted her sister in the background and smiled.

Once all of the videos were over, Michelle said, “Alright. Trainers, once you find your trainees, take them on a tour. Give them a rundown of the area, and what they’re going to be doing. You all have your training guides so you know what to cover. And again, to all our new hires, welcome!”

“See ya around,” Crystal said as she got up to join the Heidi and Widow.

Brita and Jaida got up and stood next to Gigi and Jan.

“Looks like you’re with us. Welcome to hell,” Brtta said with an overdramatic evil laugh.

“Don’t scare the poor girls! So, I’m going to be training you. The management apparently got really drunk together and decided it would be a good idea to make this one,” she motioned to Brita, “a trainer. That’s why there’s two of us. She’s shadowing me. How do you guys feel about… everything?”

Jan’s smiled so widely it appeared to take up most of her face. “I’m so excited! I used to spend all my summers here with my friends, so it’s kind of full circle to work here this summer.”

“I love the enthusiasm,” Jaida said. “How about you, Gigi, how are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Nervous.”

“Chile, is this your first job?” She nodded. “Jan?” Jan also nodded.

Jaida comfortingly put her hand on Gigi’s back. “As much shit as we talk about this place, it’s not all bad. You saw how close all of us are. We really are a big family here. Oh, and, between this and serving food to theatre kids all day? This is definitely better.”

“What’s wrong with theatre kids? I’m a theatre kid!” Jan whined.

“As a fellow theatre kid,” Brita began. “Everything.”

The trainers walked the trainees to the front of the park. Even though Gigi had spent just as much time as Jan, if not more, in the park with her sister growing up, the entire park felt different. The operating season wasn’t going starting for three more days. Because of this, the entire park was eerily quiet, which was a stark contrast to the loud music and screaming children that normally filled the air.

“Jan, I know you said you used to come here a lot how about you, Gigi?” Brita questioned.

“Oh I used to come here a ton with my older sister. She actually spent her summers between college working here. She did rides, but since she’s five years older than me.“

While on the tour, the four girls got to know each other better. Gigi learned that Jaida was studying political science, and that it was the summer before her senior year, meaning it would be her last year at the park. Brtta was going into her junior year. Jan and Brita realized that they were in the same musical theatre program at the same university.

“What are you going to study, Gigi?” Jan asked.

“Fashion design. My parents wanted me to have something to fall back on, so I’m double majoring in public relations, too.”

“Wow, I could never. I’m just ready to sing and dance my way through college.”

“Turn here,” Jaida instructed, leading them into the staff entrance of one of the shops.

Once inside, Gigi was surprised that the store already was completely set up. The shirts were neatly folded on tables, and absolutely nothing was out of place.

“This is the only time it’s going to look this nice,” Brita said taking a seat on the floor which caused everyone to follow suit.

Brita explained to Jan and Gigi that there were three stores that they could work at. One was the main store that they were standing in. The second store was a candy shop that sold caramel apples. Lastly, there was the shop where guests could buy their overpriced ride photos. She then went on to explain that at nighttime, there were also carts that sold products that glowed.

The group then went over to one of the registers. Brita took her time explaining how the POS worked, answering any questions along the way, making sure to reiterate that in order to use a season pass discount, they had to show a photo ID. Gigi thought that it seemed easy enough. Both Jan and Gigi got to practice ringing up fake transactions.

“Now let’s have some practice. We’re going to roleplay . Jan you’re going first,” Jaida said picking up a shopping basket. She went through the store and haphazardly threw objects into her basket. She came up to the counter.

Brita and Gigi took a step behind Jan as Jaida walked up to the counter.

“Hi! How’s your day in the park going?” Jan asked.

“It would be going better, if it wasn’t so busy, and everything wasn’t so freakin’ expensive! My babies are both crying in their stroller, and my husband and I haven’t stopped fighting!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, ma’am! I hope that your day gets better soon. Oh my gosh, this shirt is so cute it’ll totally bring out your eyes. This is one of my favorites that we have. Your total is going to be 25 dollars.”

“Oh, I have a season pass, so that means I get a discount, right?”

“Yes! You’ll save twenty percent today. Can I just see your ID with that, please?”

“I don’t have it with me. It’s in the stroller with my worthless husband and my babies.”

“Unfortunately, you need to have one in order to receive the discount.”

“That’s bullshit. I literally just got my discount and no one asked for my ID.”

“I understand that sometimes my fellow hosts don’t follow the rules, but unfortunately, both of us can get in trouble if I give you the discount, and I don’t really think that getting in trouble is worth five dollars, do you?”

Jaida crossed her arms. “I suppose not.”

Brita clapped. “Good job, Jan!”

“You’re a natural!”

Jan took a fake bow. Brita and Jaida switched positions. Gigi nervously made her way to the register.

Gigi’s heart was beating fast, even though she knew it was just a roleplay. “Hi.”

Brita raised an eyebrow, and with a pleasant tone said, “Hi! How’s it going?”

“Good.”

Silence. Gigi had no idea what to say or what to do.

“Uhh. Are you having a good day today?”

She sighed. “I’m really trying to, but The Jinn’s broken. That really stinks because my little Abby is finally tall enough to ride, and she was really looking forward to it.”

“Oh uhh. Sorry. Do you a season pass?”

“What?”

“For the discount?”

“Oh! Yeah, here you go.” Brita flashed Gigi a pass.

Without thinking, Gigi applied the discount.

“Pause,” Jaida said. “Gigi, you’re a little stiff… But don’t worry about that, it’ll come with time. But you forgot something really important.”

“Shit. I forgot to ask for an ID.”

“And that’s okay,” she said. “Just make sure you don’t forget. The management will let it slide for a while but that’s a fireable offense, so just always keep that in mind. But overall, nice job, you rang up everything perfectly.”

After a few more roleplay scenarios, Gigi began to feel more comfortable. She was still stiff, but at least she talked more. Still, she was envious of Jan, and how natural it all came to her.

Halfway through the day, it was time for lunch. Jaida and Brita guided the new trainees into the breakroom. Gigi didn’t know what to expect, but she didn’t expect every staff member area to be as dingy and decrepit as it was. The rest of the park was impeccably clean, and she’d assumed that the staff areas would be, as well.

Once they clocked out for their lunch, Gigi heard her name being called. It was Crystal.

“Come sit!”

Gigi made her way to the cold metal table. The chair was extremely uncomfortable, but she it just felt nice to sit.

“How’s it going?” Gigi asked.

“It’s… going! I’m glad we get more practice. I’m… a little overwhelmed.” Crystal almost looked like she was going to cry.

“Let’s walk,” Gigi took Crystal’s hand. “What’s up?”

They took a seat at one of the outdoor picnic tables. No one else was outside, because they were too busy taking advantage of the air conditioning.

Crystal started tearing up. “I’m just overwhelmed. It’s a lot of information and I feel like Widow is understanding it a lot faster than I am.”

“First off,” Gigi began. “It’s your first day, you aren’t going to be perfect. Second, stop crying. Your makeup is way too pretty for that.”

Crystal smiled. “You think my makeup’s pretty?”

“I think you’re all pretty.”

“Awe, I think you’re gorgeous.” Crystal took Gigi’s hands. “Thank you. For calming me down.”

“Anytime. Also don’t beat yourself up. I’m super overwhelmed, too. During training, I did something that would normally get me fired.”

Crystal laughed. “You’re doing amazing sweetie.”

Gigi and Crystal resumed their conversation from earlier. She learned that Crystal was going to study graphic design. They were both excited to move out of their hometowns and to start their lives. Halfway through their conversation, Gigi realized just how pretty Crystal was, and how nicely her hair flowed past her shoulders. And how funny she was, and how nice she smelled. How soft her lips looked… Shit. It was hard to focus on Crystal gushing about why Harry was the best member of One Direction when Gigi could only focus on the girl’s lips. Thankfully, Crystal’s lunch was over.

Gigi had a moment of bravery and pulled out her phone. “Hey Crystal, what’s your number? We should definitely hang out sometime soon!”

“Oh, totally!” Crystal took Gigi’s phone and put her number in. “See you around!”

The contact said “Crystal.” Totally normal. Next to her name was the sparkle emoji and the double pink heart.

This was enough to send Gigi into a gay panic. The rest of her lunch, Gigi just sat at her table. Unable to touch her sandwich. She decided to text Crystal so that she could have her number.

Hey girl, it’s Gigi!

Gigi reread the text seven times, and debated changing it. Did it sound too enthusiastic? In another moment of blind courage, she added the pink sparkly heart after and hit the SEND button.

Jaida, Brita, and Jan made their way outside.

“Time to go,” Brita announced.

The rest of the day was a blur. Gigi and Jan were shown the other stores, and some of the products that were carried. They were also shown where the glow carts were, and where they were normally stationed.

“Tomorrow, we’ll show you guys how to stock. Super easy, hard work but I really enjoy it,” Jaida said as she was walking Jan and Jaida back to the parking lot.

While getting into her Jeep, Gigi saw a flash of red hair out of the corner of her eye. She looked over and saw Crystal waiting on the curb, on the phone.

“No, it’s okay Mom. I can walk, no big deal! Love you, bye.”

“Hey,” Gigi said driving next to the car. “Need a ride?”

“No, that’s okay! It’s not far!”

“Get in!”

Once inside her car, Crystal said, “Thank you so much. It’s not far but my feet hurt.”

“Mine too. I couldn’t let you just sit on the curb like that.” Gigi passed Crystal her aux cord.

After methodically scrolling through her phone, Crystal landed on a song. It was a song by One Direction that Gigi wasn’t familiar with.

“Sorry. I’m a One Direction stan first, and a human second.”

Gigi smiled. God, she was so cute when she sang along to the song. Crystal realized that she was looking at her, and dramatically started serenading Gigi. “Oh! Turn just right up here. I’m the third house.”

“Wow, you do live close. Do you have a car?”

“I don’t… drive,” Crystal admitted sheepishly.

“Well, I can give you rides if you want, it’s really no big deal. It’s on the way home for me, actually!” That was a lie, it was in the complete opposite direction.

“That’d be great! I can pay you in coffee, validation, and love!”

“I’ll take it. Bye, Crystal!”

“Bye, gorgeous!”

Gigi got a text as she pulled out of Crystal’s long driveway.

See you tomorrow! Followed by the same heart next to her name.

On the way home, Gigi drove silently. She hadn’t bothered to connect her phone to the aux cord. She was too busy overanalyzing every single interaction she’d had that day. Gigi learned a lot on her first day of training, but the biggest takeaway she had was that she had a crush on Crystal.

#rpdr fanfiction #crygi #jankie #jaida x nicky #crystal methyd #gigi goode #jan sport #jackie cox #nicky doll #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #widow von du #aiden x brita #teen au #stupid for you #metaluna #s12 #submission

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astrarche-x · 4 years

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Six of Crows (+ Crooked Kingdom)

If somebody gave a penny for my thoughts on books, I’d have zero pennies, but here are my thoughts anyway!

It’s not a very spoiler-heavy note.

I know I’m super late to the party, but it’s only a month left to read the book before the show is released and that was a motivation to finally read it. (That and the fact that I have 3 written assignments due the end of the week).

- I haven’t read the Grisha trilogy, but Six of Crows was perfectly understandable without it, so that’s an asset. I wouldn’t mind knowing more about the war in Ravka, but generally it was ok.

- Found family in a juvenile delinquents gang is one of my favorite tropes in fiction and this book is all about that, so I was absolutely delighted. I liked how it wasn’t very obviously sugar-coated - obviously it wasn’t horribly realistic (I guess), but it avoided the Robin Hood or “criminal with a heart of gold” trope and that was nice, because it would reek of moralism.

- I liked the descriptions of the architecture etc. and could almost feel myself walking through the streets of Ketterdam. But the descriptions of Fjerda were very inconsistent to me in regard to the rest of the novel - I kinda felt like I was thrown from historical fiction to sci-fi (all that laboratory stuff) and that was weird.

- The action was very well-paced - without unneccessary delays and plot detours, but at the same time giving the characters and the reader time to breathe and bond. The only aspect I wasn’t satisfied with was the ending - it was too easy to predict the plot twist and it drained away the suspense and the sense of high stakes. And while some could say that it means that the writer set it up well, I think it would be better if it was unexpected, especially given that it’s not the kind of plot twist that changes the reader’s perception of the whole book, it just marked the turn in the action.

- post-CK addition: in Crooked Kingdom I felt that the action was moving a lot faster and left me quite exhausted at times. The moments to catch a breath were a bit too rare, but at least exuisite every time.

- While I’m rather glad that the “multiple POV” trend is dying, it was pulled off well in “Six of Crows”, because the narrative was in 3rd person. That allowed readers to switch rather effortlessly between the chapters while still directing their focus to a particular character.

- the characters, aka the best thing in this book: they are all lovable in their own ways and honestly I can’t decide who’s my favourite (jk jk it’s Matthias and Inej). I think that the number of characters is just right, not too big and confusing, but allowing for diversity in narratives. I only had an impression that characterization of Wylan was dropped halfway through the book and he’s been a plot device for solving technical problems most of the time, which is kinda sad. Also his change in personality was a bit unexpected.

- post-CK addition: ok, Wylan got his POV & his development, but I still feel like 75% of his character are family problems. I hope that maybe a reread in a few months will make me appreciate him more.

- Nina and Matthias: my absolutely favourite subplot (and ship in this book). It’s been a while since I’ve read so well executed enemies to lovers. The emotional and sexual tension between them! The desire to love vs the memory of past wrongdoings! The wish to trust and be vulnerable again vs the fear of betrayal! Them disagreeing on fundamental issues but finding points of mutual understanding nevertheless! Them caring for each other more than they care about their causes, even though the causes are everything! The banter! I just... can’t. Their story is such a good blend of cuteness and dark themes. I found it extremely interesting when the first chapter from Matthias’ POV showed how he was kinda deranged by his stay in prison and his desire for revenge and for love that were knit together so thight. Whereas he more or less regained his sanity as the book progressed (I wish it was more developed) he was still very much not in the best mental state and that made him a wild card, so the plot twists involving him were convincing. I also think that his disillusionment with his religious militia was quite well-written (as for an adventure novel, that is, where it was not the main plot). I liked how Matthias was trying to play 4D chess with the rest of the crew with his schemes and Nina joined him in part. Also the scene when the Crows try to get back to their ship in Fjerda and Nina gets shot, but heals herself so fast... Damn, that was some king shit. I love their dynamic, even though it’s the epitome of problematic(tm) by tumblr, but oh well, I’m all in for eros/thanatos motives and some good chemistry. One thing I feel their relationship lacked were the sex scenes - this is probably due to the book being technically YA (and that’s another reason why writing it for a bit older audiences would be ok), but both Nina and Matthias are so horny for each other that I find it impossible that they’ve never had sex.

- post-CK addition: my heart is broken but Matthias’ character arc? Pure gold. I was so proud when he started questioning his religious beliefs and tried to reconcile them with his love for Nina. Love one redempted magic fascist. Also poor Nina... I still kinda don’t understand why their subplot had to end like this - and it’s really tempting me to read King of Scars.

- Inej’s moral/religious dilemmas were so good and I identified with them a lot (not that I’ve killed someone, but still). Also I found her characterization to be top notch, because she clearly isn’t an extrovert, but is not reduced to “i have no social skills” stereotype. I love her.

- Kaz was a briliant character and his plans were so well written... But I have one issue with them: especially in Crooked Kingdom, when there’s a plot twist, it’s usually revealed to be just another layer of Kaz’s plan. When does he have the time to set it all up? I know he barely sleeps, but still, it feels like it kinda gets out of nowhere. But generally I’m all for scheming, ass-kicking gang boss. I also like the fact that he was still a very skilled fighter despite his disability, which allowed the author to escape the “disabled body means he can only use his mind” trope (which is justified sometimes, but still). And his trauma was so well-written... Honestly, the first full flashback with Kaz clutching to Jordie’s decaying body was one of the two most disturbing scenes in the novel (the other being Kaz ripping Oomen’s eye off) and I kinda wasn’t prepared for this. On the other hand, the bathroom scene in Crooked Kingdom with Inej? It was so beautiful, so well-crafted, so intimate; I felt the world stand still for a while.

- me looking at Jesper: adhd

I found him very relatable in terms of escaping his problems and felt sorry for his gambling addiction. But I wish his struggle over his powers was more expanded - he is shown being in two minds about this, but we as readers don’t really get full insight into the pros & cons of both option. But maybe it’s just the character’s specific way of going more by gut feeling and I’m being picky.

- a pet peeve of mine: if the author was really going so hard for the tzarist Russia vibe for Ravka, why did she name her character “Zoya Nazyalensky” and not “Zoya NazyalenskA” or, even better, “NazyalenskAYA” as it should be? C’mon, names ending in -sky have their female counterparts and it’s not hard to understand.

- what was a bit of obstacle to immerse myself fully in the Six of Crows was the fact that the whole novel was so well-planned and logical that I sometimes felt like watching the author’s creative process unveil - and while it would be helpful if I was looking for writing tips, I was there to have good fun and forget about my assignments, so it kinda got in the way. It was like “ok, I want them to get inside the prison... but how they’re going to do it? Ha, I know: the jailers’ carriage. Next: what happens next in prisons? Oh right, they will be searched and... probably put in new clothes. So no clothing and no weapons means it’s time for Jesper’s big reveal. This is where I pepper in his crush on Kaz. I can cross this off the list of his character development now”. The Crooked Kingdom was better in this aspect - as the characters’ subplots were more separated and the chronology was going in loops (character A’s POV ends with all people parting ways --> character B’s chapter describes their mission --> character C’s chapter starts again at the end of character A’s POV), it was more natural and captivating read.

- Kuwei was... very forgettable. I actually for most of the time totally forgot he was a character. I know he wasn’t a main character, but I feel like I know more about Specht and Rotty, some totally secondary gang members, than him.

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #book ramblings #generally 8/10 would read again

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laraslandlockedblues · 4 years

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Writer’s Review

Tagged by @roguelioness thank you so much darling!

Tagging: @ladymdc @dismalzelenka @a-shakespearean-in-paris @queen-kass-the-writer @kagetsukai @shannaraisles @calihippie4

Rules: Post two snippets of your writing. The first should be one of the oldest examples of your work that you can find (the older the better!), and the other has to be an excerpt from something more recent. Compare the two side by side to see the difference between what your writing looks like now and how it did then.

I love this concept because I’ve literally left up the original Goose Bumps (Shakarian) fic I wrote despite working on revising and rewriting it because I like seeing how much I’ve changed. However since that’s already a thing I think I’ll compare...Eye of the Storm (my first actual posted ao3 story) and......I’m trying to decide since my most recent writing is original fic and I don’t want to post a chunk here. So we’ll go with the latest chapter of After Rain.

Under a read more for length

Eye of the Storm, Ch. 2

Cassandra was pushing her way forward beside him, her hands on the shoulders of soldiers to force them out of her way. He ran ahead, barreling past those in front of him, less gentle in his desperate haste. The scream had torn through him, cut him to the core. It was a sound that reminded him too much of memories he long wished buried, memories of unbearable torment.

He sprinted until he reached her, her petite form crumpled on her knees. She was losing consciousness, beginning to fall sideways as he approached, and he quickly threw himself to her side to catch her. She slumped into him, her breathing shallow as he pulled her against his chest. He slipped an arm under her legs, his other around her narrow shoulders, lifting her effortlessly.

Maker, he wondered to himself, she’s so small - and yet she had saved them.

Commander Cullen turned, carrying the fragile burden in his arms as he began to make his way back through the Temple ruins. His soldiers parted, letting him pass easily, many falling to their knees in reverence, heads bowed in grateful prayer.

She had saved them.

Cassandra fell into step beside him, concern etched on her sharp features as she followed. Leliana soon joined them, straining to peer into the face of the one he held so close against his chest.

Ok I have to stop there, haha. This has unfortunately become a fic I can’t open because the instant I do I want to just edit and tear it to shreds, and I shouldn’t feel that way. EotS was the fic that got me sharing my writing. And if I hadn’t done that, if I hadn’t become comfortable enough with my writing and discovered the world of fanfiction through my idea that Evelyn had lightning colored eyes and an electrical current could be felt under her skin...well, I likely wouldn’t be working on my novel right now. Yet alone be halfway through it.

There really isn’t anything horrible with this start, it’s just that now I know I can do better. I’ve grown in style and variety. My sentences don’t all start with “he” or “she” anymore. I feel more comfortable with characters and their dialogue, showing subtlety in their body language. I reread Hero Worship recently and noticed I had a bad habit of spelling out people’s thoughts and feelings. But that’s how you get started. That’s how you learn how to grow as a writer is by starting like that, with the basics, with doing it the “wrong” way. It isn’t really wrong though, not if it gets you telling your story.

...k I need to stop rambling about that, I’ve just learned to think positively about where I started when I picked writing up again. It’s been a long journey, and now it’s brought me to...

After Rain, Ch. 31

They lay holding one another until the light beyond the window grew more noticeable, making Abby’s eyes prick with unwanted tears.

He’d be fine — he had to be fine. She had no reason to think otherwise, and yet her brain continued to wander that direction. Burying her nose in the chestnut waves resting against her cheek, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

They had been apart for weeks before, and time had passed quickly because of how much work there was to be done at the tavern. All the time apart had done was make them cherish and love the time they actually had together — and surely this time would be no different.

Instead she would focus on this, the feeling of his soft waves between her fingers, the feeling of his hot skin pressing her into the mattress, the blissful weight of him on top of her, completely spent after making love to her. No matter how many times he had the two nights before, she still felt like it wasn’t enough — she hadn’t done enough, not nearly enough, to help him understand how she felt.

“Ry,” she began, but when he let out several breathy chuckles she stopped.

He pushed himself onto his elbows, and took a moment to study her face and brush stray hairs off her cheeks. “Aye, lass,” he murmured, and he gave her a wide smile.

There was such soft understanding and acceptance in his gaze, and she snaked her fingers into his hair to pull him back down for a kiss.

Everything would be worth it if it meant a life of him looking at her like that.

This - THIS feels more like my writing. The thing is, I know there will be a day when I even look back on this and flinch a little, thinking on how I’ve grown even further. I just love the subtlety here, the understanding that comes with an established relationship. It’s delicate, it’s poignant and bittersweet. The subtle moment where she tries to begin to tell him she loves him and he interrupts because he knows, of course he does - and he also knows why she still isn’t ready to say it.

Comparing these two makes me proud of how much progress I’ve made. Writing is an ever-changing journey, and I don’t think I realized that until I started down the path. I thought you had to be perfect at it right away, but like all skills it takes work and practice. And looking back now on all my WIPs, even the abandoned ones, I’m really grateful to see how they’ve all helped me narrow down my voice and learn to craft the stories I want to tell. And hopefully this journey just keeps on going, because it’s been a lot of fun.

#tag game #writer review #my writing #eye of the storm #after rain #evelyn/cullen #cullen/trevelyan #abigail and rylen #rylen/oc #long post #wow looking between those I'm just #I've come a long way #also feel free to ignore the tags #<3

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schrijverr · 4 years

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Behind the Scenes

This is a story that developed from a small peek into my brain whenever I write the stories you read into a thinkpiece about writing and posting fanfiction.

On AO3.

Ships: none (unless you wanna ship me with my keyboard lol)

Warnings: none, I suppose, but it does get a little down in the end, I was having a rough day when I wrote this, sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~

I sit on my chair before my laptop. I’m curled into myself as my fingers glide over the keyboard and my thoughts flow out of my fingertips onto the screen.

It isn’t all that late, just past midnight, but it’s already dark outside and in order to see the keys properly I have to turn on the lamp I have on my desk. With the light it’s kind of cozy here in my little nook of the world.

I look to the screen and try to make sense of my own words. I don’t have a fully fledged idea yet, but a vague idea that floated through my brain at some point during the day has inspired me enough to open a new document and start typing.

I now know how this story begins and I see where I am going and how it will end, but the question of how I get there sits heavily on my mind.

I stop typing for a moment and think. If I introduce this character now, it might set some other things in motion and that’ll be good for the plot, but I don’t know how to write that character at all and I’m afraid that if I do it wrong, people won’t like me or my story.

I sigh and realize I’ve started almost every new paragraph with the same word. I hate it when I do that. The story starts to feel repetitive and as a non native English speaker I want to prove that I have a bigger vocabulary than that.

How to proceed?

A synonym, maybe? But I’ll have to look that up and I don’t think there is a good synonym for I. Sighing again I scan the page and think. Maybe I could start with a verb to shake things up a bit or a question. No, not a question that would feel out of place here.

Now I’ve written a few paragraphs again, so I could use the word I used before, but since I used it so many times already I want a bit more space between now and the next time I use it. So a synonym it is, I guess, I think as I open my browser to look one up.

…

There is no synonym for I.

Goddammit, I think. Well, it’s no use now anyway. I’ve decided to write this story in the first person, despite knowing I’m horrible at it, and now I have to deal with the fact that I don’t have another word for I.

I start my next paragr- no that’s not right. Backspace, backspace. Moving on to the next- No, not that either. Backspace, backspace. I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t, hmm, what’s a good word there?

I know I have a good word in Dutch ‘voortborduren’, but when I translate it, it gives me elaborate, which doesn’t fit in the sentence at all. Mentally groaning I recline in my chair as I try to think.

Maybe it’s the sentence itself? Lets see what did I write again? Oh yeah: I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t- and then I need to find a word. Hm, funny, I don’t know how to go on by the sentence about not knowing how to go on.

‘I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t’, I whisper it to myself in the hope the right word comes to mind.

First there is nothing, but then! Expand! Not perfect, but it fits, which is good enough for now, maybe when I proof read it a better word will come to me and I can use that.

So, expand. I wonder why I wrote something I can’t expand upon.

Fuck, I’ve spend so much time finding the right word that I have forgotten what I was talking, well writing, about in the first place. Softly swearing under my breath I scroll up and read what came before the sentence with the stupidly hard word to think off.

Ah yeah, it was about the other stupid thing, namely that I am writing this in the first person, which I still cannot do, no that skill has not come to me in the time it took to look up a word. What a pity.

But I have started the last few paragraphs with something other than I from time to time. That at least is something. Wait, should I add punctuation there? That, at least, is something. Looks better, but maybe that is just my love for commas talking. I mean, why write a boring sentence with a dot in the middle, which makes it short and doesn’t give you enough space to play with it, when you can also add unnecessary punctuation, so that you can play with the cadence of how something is read out loud or in someones mind?

Whoops, now that whole paragraph is long, if I want to make this story easy to read I’ll have to make this one shorter. Hmm, is this good? Yeah, probably. Enter.

Now, I’m suddenly wondering, if paragraph is even the right word. In Dutch the word is ‘alinea’ and the word ‘paragraaf’ also means chapter, but not really, only in a school book. It doesn’t really make sense, because you also have a chapter in a schoolbook and that’s divided in paragraphs and each paragraph has ‘alinea’s’

Aaand I’ve distracted myself by thinking about the differences between each language instead of looking up if paragraph is actually the right word and it means what I think it means.

I look it up on Google translate, not the most trustworthy source for sentences, but for lone words it’s alright.

It is the right word, along with indention, but I’m not really familiar with that word, although I can see where it comes from with the paragraphs creating indentions in the text. Still, I decide to stick with paragraphs, cause “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and I live by that.

Looking back to the clock in the corner of my screen I realize that I’ve now been writing this for 40 minutes. It isn’t all that long, but I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. I had a point when I began and now I’ve forgotten it.

I stretch my arms, by pushing away my chair, leaning forward until my shoulders are at the same height of my desk is. My right shoulder cracks, it has always done that, but the sound snaps me out of my musings and makes me pay more attention to my surroundings.

It is raining outside and I hear people screaming. They sound happy, probably celebrating something and drinking, but I still wondered what they’re doing up so late (ignoring the fact that I am still awake too.)

Right, my word document. I was trying to remember what my point was. No wait, not remember, recall sounds better. I double click remember and replace it with recall: I was trying to recall what my point was.

Although I have found a nice sentences with the best word to describe the action, I still don’t know what comes next. I suddenly begin to doubt myself. Maybe this was a dumb idea. Maybe I’ve read this somewhere before and I am unconsciously copying someone. Maybe I should just delete this and move on to something else.

I mean, come on, who wants to read this? No one. I’m just going to post it, knowing that no one cares and no one will read it. People don’t go to AO3 for original works, you don’t, so why would anyone care about it? It’s going to get five hits tops, with maybe two kudos, three if you’re lucky.

And now I have accidentally switched to a second person perspective, can’t even stay consistent. Maybe if I play it off as an introspection or and internal dialogue no one will notice or think it’s an artistic choice.

Pff, artistic choice. You can hardly call what I’m doing artistic. It’s just fanfiction, a hobby. Yeah, I know that is still good and can be great, even amazing and artfully written, but this isn’t. I have a too direct writing style for that. I’ve only been getting English education for six years and it’ll take so much more practice until I ever reach that level.

I’ve gotten off track completely now. I faintly remember that this started out as a mock internal dialogue of what happens when I write a fanfic, but now it turned into a self deprecating shit parade.

I blink long and hard, trying to get my head back on track and write something better, or at least more consistent.

Realizing that in order to do that I should probably scroll up and read (lets be honest scan) how I started. I don’t have the energy for it, but I force myself to do it with a sigh.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Ah, yeah, I began with where I was and then that discussion about language and looking things up. Oh, but I’ve also reflected on what I’ve written before, well, before. Then it was about re-finding what I was doing after I had to look up a word and now it is desperately trying to remember what the actual fuck I was doing in an attempt to make something cohesive, but still. I decide to not do that again.

I still don’t know what my point was when I started this, but I’m making a new one up right now. I think I’m going to call the work ‘behind the scenes’ or ‘the thoughts of a writer’, since I have now decided that this is a way to get readers a peek behind the curtains.

As a reader, I can respect people so much for all the work they put into a story. And of course I’m not saying you can’t do that if you don’t write, no, that would be pretentious, but I do have more respect for them than before I started writing all those years ago.

It is really easy to forget that something you read in a few minutes has taken hours to write. This is not even 2k words long right now. I know I can read that in a few minutes, not even blinking and mostly forgetting, before moving on to the next story, but I have been writing almost nonstop for over an hour now.

I am lucky that I can usually keep the words flowing long enough to make some bullshit up that I can reason into a coherent story in the end, but that has taken practice. A lot of practice.

In order to become a good in writing a story you have to do it so many times and you won’t even notice you’ve gotten better until much later. I know this, because I recently went through all my works and made them better. Got all the typos out there, I fixed vague sentences and I made the lay out better. I also cringed a lot.

Well, I think I have to go with a ‘behind the scenes’ now, because I don’t think I can claim this is my internal monologue when I’m writing. Instead this has turned into a think piece about writing and appreciating it or something.

I don’t even know anymore.

I recall I had a point when I started this, probably thought it out and then my brain decided to throw it away and throw up this garbage instead. It is interesting, I suppose, but not at all what I was going for in the beginning.

Oh well, maybe I can fix it when I proof read it, because I am tired and I think I’m going to bed. I have half the mind to just fuck it and throw it on AO3 without glancing over my own words even once. It’s very tempting to leave others to deal with these honest words and pretend they aren’t mine, but I don’t.

However, I don’t think I will edit this that much, because it was nice to get some frustrations on, well not paper, but on screen. Just order my thoughts, you know?

It is hard to stay motivated when it seems that everyone around you is doing so much better than you. It is disheartening and it makes you want to stop.

I don’t.

I can’t.

Writing is what I do, it helps, it’s nice. I love writing and I don’t think I will stop loving it. But one of the reasons I love writing is because it can get the constant thoughts and ideas to stop swirling around in my head.

Today I needed it to stop, so that I could just go to sleep properly and I feel like this helped. It was honest and I feel better now. Tomorrow can come at me and I will face it like I did today. Maybe my last few fics weren’t to everyones taste and that’s okay, they were my taste and I love them and I am proud of them. For me that’s enough.

I would apologize for ranting, I usually do, but since you could stop at any time and leave, I don’t think I’m going to do that, what I am going to do, is thank you.

Thank you for reading this, despite the fact that it is not a fanfic. Thank you for allowing me to just dump all these thoughts on you. And thank you for being here and clicking it, your support, even if it is only an extra number by “hits”, means so incredibly much to me and I cannot put in to words how grateful I am that you are here.

Since it is now 01:18 and if I recall correctly it was 00:02 when I started, I think I am really going to stop now. Goodnight, or good-whatever time a day you’re reading this!

Goodbye :)

#RR writing #just me thinking #think piece #internal monologue #writing fanfic

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aureolinthoughts · 4 years

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“On My Block” Ending: Some Thoughts on Characterization and POC Narratives

Okay...I’m calling it. What the writers did with the ending of season 3 of On My Block is more or less the same crap D&D pulled with Game of Thrones...sending a beloved character crashing headlong into complete villainy for no reason other than to be “subversive” and to rush the ending of the show. Sure Cesar was scared (and needed the Santos to get rid of Cuchillos and find Oscar), but him pulling what amounts to a heel-face turn to align himself with gang interests (when what he has always wanted was to get out of “the life” and become an architect) is COMPLETE nonsense.

What also hurts me to the bone is that the ending of the show as is flies COMPLETELY in the face of EVERYTHING the crew has stood for up until now...spits in the face of what is supposed to be the central theme of the show: “In Squad We Trust.” From the first episode, the heart and soul of this show has been the idea of “la familia”...that family fights for and loves one another through thick and thin. Sure they may get angry at one another (as the crew did in the woods in 3x08), but at the end of the day, the squad will ALWAYS come back together to support one another. The writers started to chip away at that at the end of season 2, and then full-on set about destroying that in season 3, and I’m very, very upset about it. At the end of season 3, the familia is broken up, and that breaks my heart. I mean, in the FIRST episode Mario Martinez tells “the crew” that they need to have each other’s backs no matter what...why write them in such a way that they suddenly abandon that? It doesn’t make any sense.

As of now, I’m holding on to hope that the ‘ending’ of 3x08 was actually just a dream/nightmare sequence much like the one Cesar had after he kissed Olivia and we will find out that things went a different way, because not only does the ending spit in the face of the theme of the show, it makes ALL the characters OOC. Jamal HATES football and literally spent MONTHS lying to his parents and faking injuries to get out of playing...why on earth is he suddenly on the team? It makes NO sense. Ruby and Jasmine aren’t dressed the way we know them to dress...doesn’t make any sense either. Ruby and Jamal aren’t friends anymore...what on earth happened? Before she left Freeridge, Monse PROMISED to keep the picture of her friends in “prime viewing position” in her room, and now the picture is stuffed behind a vase, out of sight and out of mind? That’s ridiculous. And of course...(and much has been said about this already)...Cesar is now leader of the Santos? Admittedly, 3x07 and 3x08 DID kind of set that up...but I don’t buy the way they wrote his descent into villainy.

And no, Oscar would not leave Cesar in the hood and run off to the suburbs to have a good life. By the way, it also makes NO sense to give Oscar the fate Cesar wanted (out of the gang and out of the hood) and to give Cesar the fate that Oscar has literally been heading to since episode 1. I appreciate the extra depth that Oscar got in season 3, but let’s not pretend this guy was an angel...he ordered his 14-year-old brother to commit a murder and then kicked him out to sleep on the streets when he refused to do so. Come to think of it, OSCAR had something of a heel-face turn as well...suddenly deciding that making peace with other gangs is the right way to do things...as opposed to committing murders. I suppose realizing what Cuchillos did to his father woke him up some, but we needed more elaboration and development of that, not just one short conversation between him and Cesar.

Unless the two of them are running some elaborate scheme (TOGETHER) to dismantle the Santos or defeat a rival gang or something, there is no way I’m buying the “Oscar in the suburbs and Cesar in the hood” plot point. It just doesn’t make any sense. Whatever happened to the smart kid who straight up said: “I’m NOT a killer” and wanted to get out of Freeridge to have a better life? I could see him struggling with being scared after the Santos were “weakened”, but literally presiding over someone being “jumped in”? No. Not my Cesar.

Also, the familia PROMISED Monse that nothing was going to change when she left...obviously, SOME things would change as the crew got older, but I just can’t accept the crew splitting up and going off to do things that run COMPLETELY contrary to their previously established characterization. Nope. I don’t buy it.

TBH, tho...a LOT of season 3 was straight-up a mess...nowhere near as good as season 1 or season 2 in terms of emotional impact, plotting, characterization, etc. Season 4 is going to have to be REALLY good in order to make up for how bad Season 3 was, assuming that the show gets renewed (which I REALLY hope it does). There’s a running joke that the third season of Netflix shows are always bad...and On My Block was no exception. I don’t know what the writers were drinking when they wrote the end of season 2 and season 3, but I hope they quit drinking it or hire new writers, because this is...a mess. A messy and crappy way to treat a show that was so good, both in terms of plotting/characterization and Black & Latina/Latino representation.

Another thing...I’m honestly just tired of stories about POC having tragic endings. It’s almost like writers are allergic to writing narratives about POC that do NOT center on some terrible tragedy or have some horrible end. Monse, Ruby, Cesar, and Jamal have all gone through SO much. They MORE than deserve a happy ending...why can’t they just have one? Also, why was season 3 only eight episodes? I don’t get it. I saw a theory that the show is Monse writing a book because the episodes are called “chapters”, and for goodness’ sake, that ‘book’ NEEDS and DESERVES a happy ending. I WANT to see Monse becoming a really good writer (also, it’s a shame we never actually get to see her flex her writing skills-why?). I WANT to see Ruby putting those math and logic skills to work (he’d be a GREAT lawyer, I think). I WANT to see Jamal putting his nerdiness and tenacity to use (may he’d become an engineer or an investigative reporter or something?). I WANT to see Cesar getting out of the gang and working towards fulfilling his dream of becoming an architect (and of course, being cute with Monse). I WANT to see Oscar leave behind a life of violence for something better...he had dreams of being a chef...why can’t we have a storyline about what it will take for an ex-con to get into a culinary school?

We NEED more hopeful stories about POC, stories that tell POC kids (and adults!) that we deserve happiness...and that it is within reach. I am SICK of the ‘cautionary tales’, sick of the endless tragic narratives. There is more to being Black or Brown than suffering...and we need stories that tell us that. On My Block was doing that, until it lost its way.

I hope it finds its way again.

#on my block #on my block netflix #monse finnie #jamal turner #monse x cesar #cesar diaz #oscar diaz #ruby martinez #jasmine #jasmine flores #spooky #santos

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ultravioletsoul · 5 years

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hey, i've read your makarov fic (a man's weakness) in ao3 and then found your blog here. been reading some of your tags and now i'm curious as to what you have in store for makarov and the reader. they haven't met yet but i look forward to that moment. vladimir is a mysterious character, but the way you portray him is giving me the feels. btw i like your choice of music too. fitting for a story set in the nineties when he was just a young man.

Hello anon! Thank you so much for your asks, so happy that you’re enjoying the story so far and I’m sorry that I’m taking so long to update. There should be a new chapter this month, since I’ve been working on it c:

IKR! Vladimir is definitely a mystery to many of us since there’s so little information about him in the games, and the devs didn’t bother to explain many things about his past… which sucks because there are some important events of the story that should have been given more depth. In my opinion, Vladimir is an interesting character once you get to know the story behind his actions (which totally doesn’t justify them, of course) and it’s so sad that the writers lost their chance to make an amazing antagonist. Vladimir had a lot of potential but it was wasted.

Thanks! We can’t forget that Vladimir was once a young lad of twenty-something back then, so nineties music it is c:

This is one of my favorite songs, released in 1992, and the first time I listened to it in the 2000s (thanks to my sis who bought the CD) I was mind-blown and kept replaying the track over and over again. Years later I still do that. And it probably fits the mood of what I’ve pictured Vladimir’s life was like during those years.

youtube

The nineties were a key moment for Vladimir, the years that changed it all for him and shaped him into a ruthless criminal.

The Soviet Union had dissolved in 1991 and many republics declared their independence. Asides from a myriad of other problems, the economy in Russia was… well, pretty disastrous and many people were having a hard time while few became rich overnight.

Not long after Vladimir returns from Chechnya, he is charged with war crimes and forced to drop from the armed forces. That means he lost his job (and an important part of his life, as a career soldier). He didn’t have a single penny on him, the war left him with psychological problems that made it difficult for him to readjust to civilian life (regardless of the bad stuff he might have done in Chechnya), and on top of that he was labeled a criminal by the UN. By his own government, when in his mind he was only serving his country. The fact they were so willing to quickly get rid of him made him feel betrayed and used.

So the most logical step, for him, would be to embrace that life of crime. Many veterans of the wars in Afghanistan and Chechnya became gangsters because… honestly, they didn’t have a lot of options and unemployment rates were high.

He puts the skills he learned in the military to horrible uses. And he earns money, more money than he could have ever imagined… and he learns that he can do whatever the hell he wants, that the world will bend to his will, if he has the ‘mighty’ dollar in his hand. That’s the discovery of a lifetime for him and shifts his perception of the world. It both thrills him and fills him with rage because as a soldier, he’s always served his country out of pride and love for his homeland. Yet at the same time an array of new experiences becomes available to him. In a world of infinite possibilities, everything is for sale for one price or another.

Let’s consider this all happened post soviet era, and the nineties were wild years for Russia. The vacuum that the Soviet Union had left, and the end of the age of heroes, was filled with hedonism and excesses where every man was out for himself and the country was on the verge of anarchy. The youth was in such a hurry to taste their new freedom, and in a time like that I assure you Vladimir couldn’t have been the exception.

Does that make him happy, though? At first, it may seem to be the case. Now he had freedom, theoretically, to do whatever he wanted and without a care for the consequences. He could give an eff about the world. He is adrift and with no clear purpose, no real projects in mind other than grabbing as much as he can… and lots of time to engage in self-destructive habits. But the truth is, he’s descended to unimaginable depths of emotional misery because nothing has meaning anymore. Money can buy many things, but it cannot buy a purpose for his existence. Like you said, he only seeks to fill the void in his soul with distractions such as alcohol, drugs, and casual sex, all the things he probably despised at some point like the proud soldier he was, because he’s got nothing left and it’s better to live fast and die young.

To him, freedom means nothing without purpose. It’s just another kind of prison.

Tbh I also need more angry emo Vladimir in my life so I feel you ♥♥♥

#vladimir makarov #call of duty #modern warfare #fic ref: a mans weakness

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prodigalsonheadcanons · 5 years

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Need your advice! Recently I started posting on Ao3 again and I've been receiving a lot of negative and condescending comments, not even about my writing or skills, but of the general content I guess (I write h/c) and it really makes me insecure and not want to post...but also I want to write? Have you ever dealt with this kind of negativety before? What should I do?

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had this experience. Unfortunately, it is one I’m also familiar with. I can definitely give you some advice!!

Let me preface this reply first…there are some types of work floating around this fandom that are problematic. For multiple reasons. I don’t know what content you’re writing and I’m not making assumptions at all. But I do want to say that if you write problematic things…you’re going to get a problematic response, and in that case, the negative comments are understood, if not appreciated. I’m not saying this is your case at all, but if it is, that’s an entirely different ask. Going forward, I’ll assume you’re steering clear of those types of fics. Which I hope is the case.

But anyway! Long rant under the cut because I have a lot of strong feelings about this topic. I hope some of it makes sense.

Negative comments are horrible, and they’re made even worse when they’re layered with sarcasm. I myself, do not understand them. An age-old saying for fics is an age-old saying for a reason: if you don’t like a story (you don’t like that ship, you don’t like the route they took, whatever) then don’t read! There’s a back button for a reason. Criticism, I understand as long as it’s constructive. As someone who loves to write and get better at it, nudges here and there (positive ones) are appreciated!! But it has to be constructive. Blind, hateful comments are only meant to wound— not to teach. Not to support. And they’re honestly ridiculous, and I’m very sorry you’ve experienced them so much.

I have yet to experience that in this fandom, actually! (Knock on wood) But when I wrote for Deception, I did receive comments like those. Long, scathing, sarcastic, comments that just went on and on. Tearing my entire story’s premise into little pieces and telling me a work I was very proud of wasn’t worth their time. I even got a comment from someone that just straight up said something along the lines of ‘I’m not going to read this anymore.’ Like…great!? Just do it, don’t tell me! (They hadn’t even reviewed a single chapter before that one either so I was like: Am I Supposed To Miss You Not Reviewing???)

Honestly, they destroyed my confidence as a writer. Those comments are why I hesitate over everything I post now, and they’re the reasons I spend hours researching, when the thing I’m researching for is only mentioned in passing, to make sure there’s nothing anyone can point out or complain about being wrong. I’m very insecure about my writing, too— even my headcanons. From the beginning I was insecure, but that experience stuck in my mind and had made me even more so. But I will try and let you know what helps me.

They say it takes about seven compliments to outweigh something negative, and that’s very true for comments. I would try and focus on the good ones you do have, and read and reread those. Remember a few of your favorites so you have ones to look back on and smile about. Know that you’re doing your best as a fanfic writer and that you don’t owe anyone anything!! You are working your tail off to make free content for no payoff but making other people happy, and that’s amazing!

Find some writer friends! Or just supportive friends in general! I just say a writer friend because they might understand and might be able to help. If you need a writer friend, my inbox is always open c: There’s always the chance you could find a silver lining to their horribleness. You could try and find out the root of the problem they’re complaining about— not to blame yourself but purely just to try and get something out of their comment. If they’re just being nasty to be nasty, though, it’s a difficult thing to do, and oftentimes there’s nothing to be gleaned from it no matter how hard you try. But if you do manage to get something, then it’s not such a waste. Slightly.

Finally, my biggest piece of advice, and my best piece of advice…be kind to them. If you do reply to them and give them the time of day (which is much more than they deserve in the first place and sometimes just deleting it is the better option), be sweet. Be so polite in your reply, because here’s the best thing about it. People too often forget there is another person on the other side of their computer screen— someone real, with feelings that can be hurt just as easily as theirs. It’s just something about the internet that takes away that aspect of interaction. So oftentimes, when you don’t feed into their anger by immediately replying just as much so, it makes them stop and reconsider their actions. And if you’re polite and nice, there’s no way for them to fire back at you or continue to leave such comments without looking completely stupid (even more stupid, anyway). So it’s good on both ends.

And readers, honestly, if you see those types of comments, you can step in and call them out! It would mean so much to any writer to see someone stand up for their work. When you receive a negative comment and nobody speaks out against it, you eventually begin to think it’s an opinion shared by the entire fandom and turn you off of that fandom entirely. So to show support for them is a very big thing. Don’t feel weird. I swear to you, it will make that author’s day.

That’s my long rant! I’m so sorry you’ve been experiencing that and I’m so sorry if none of this helped at all, haha. Negative comments are going to come around once in a while (words cannot express how much I am dreading them) and they’re unfortunately just something we have to work around. It’s not easy, so you should definitely reach out for support if you can find some! Maybe if you told me the specific ways they’re talking down to you or their issues with the content I could fine-tune my reply with a more specific answer. But this is just…a couple tips in general! Reread other, nicer comments. Try your absolute best to figure out some silver lining. Always be kind, because in your heart you understand that what they’re doing is wrong. If you meet them with kindness, you’ll know you’ve kept yourself at the level you already were: above them. If nothing else, at least you’ll have that.

Reviews should be constructive, if they contain criticism. The advice should be hidden in praise for what the author was already doing right, so they know their entire work isn’t ‘wrong.’ But…c’mon. Unless it’s something huge or glaring…fanfic writers don’t get as much response as other people typically in the first place, in most fandoms. If you’re going to hand out anything, just hand out support. Because that’s what you would want to be handed to you, if you were on the other end.

#Negative comments are some of the breaking points for writers-- people quit perfectly-good stories. They almost made me quit writing at all #It's better to just use yourself to better a person and that is not accomplished when all you do is berate...I hate ppl like that. Truly.#I hope things get better for you and this at least let you know you're not alone <3 I've experienced it too I know how hard it is #Am I good at giving advice? No? Ok that's fair #Ask #Personal #Not a headcanon

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scoundrels-in-love · 4 years

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Fanfiction asks: 1, 23 & 31

Hi dear, thank you for asking!

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? The first fandom I got involved was for movie Labyrinth when I was 14 or 15. A friend introduced me to my very first fanfiction when I was still very, very baby English speaker and I was blown away by the writing (I tracked the fic down about 2-3 years later again for rereading purposes was absolutely underwhelmed, which I think implied some growth in both reading and writing skill) and I began massively binging ALL the fanfics. And even wrote a few.

And then I saw the movie.

Which marked end of all my love for the world, which I had imagined far more grand and captivating than the movie portrayed with its muppet like creatures and so forth. The visuals as such did not matter to me enough to ever really GOOGLE, but when I had to witness them, I couldn’t reconcile them with grandness I had conceptualized. It was a sad, sad day.

After that, I actually joined Tumblr for Jisbon of The Mentalist content, well after it had actually ended, and it was one of my fanfiction Rennaisances, which trickled into my OUAT phase which was next time I got more realistically involved with fandom than I was ever before, conversing with fandom creators, writing a little bit and so forth. In some ways, I think of it was first fandom I got ‘involved’ with, in an organic manner, hence why I’m mentioning it.

But I’ve actually never been involved in a fandom like I am now, with Braime. I’ve never written so much, talked with so many writers and with some not just as adoring fan but seen as fellow writer.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

I am genuinely fond of most of them, even if they’ve all driven me up the wall at some point or other. I am trying to recall which ones I’ve not already spoken of in similar answers, to give some lovin’ all around. Hmm.

Did you slip in through open doors and sit down, just to look at me like that (every day) is the lucky one today. It’s not finished, I know, I know. I am so aware of the fact it needles in my heart almost every day. It stresses me out. And yet, a part of me is so very excited to come back to it when I can. The reaction to it was amazing, but more than that, I had fun writing it so far.

I have an outline. I am just so afraid to mess it up and life’s been rough so I’ve been dawdling. But it’s also first multichapter fic I’ve posted and actually got 2nd chapter up for, so, honestly, odds are very good. Please have faith in me. This time I have just a smidge of it myself.

I like the tone I think I’ve managed to set for it, a little lighthearted and just a tad bit funny (which is a feat for me), but also with an emotional punchline. There was something that didn’t Trouble me about the way I wrote it so far, at least in most part. It comes to me easy, on some level. And for that alone, I love it dearly.

Also, as I’ve actually NOT written much before, especially not trope-y things, it’s fun for me to do my own take on the And They Were Roommates and ‘oh no, we’ve been mutually pining for ages’ and fake dating trope. IN ONE BUNDLE. To find a way that works realistically for these characters, to give it enough depth and maybe my own spin on it has been challenging in a way that doesn’t feel like a challenge in distressing way. It’s fun to explore where it takes me, like the first line-last line flow that popped up on its own, uninvited.

And it’s a whole new world to have genuine Fun with writing for me.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

I have actual folder full with screenshots of nice things people have said about my writing. Well, in general about things I make or about me. Because my memory is horrible and I always forget the lovely words much faster than the cruel ones (gods know those are etched into my brain). It’s hard, and it feels almost unfair, to pick One Most Nicest Thing. Because when I’ve received that comment, it has always been the one to add a golden glow to my day.

But it’s always Very Special to me when someone tells me that they Could Hear the characters or something was Very Them/They loved my characterization. As the way I’ve entered this fandom is quite specific way, I have deep-seated fear of messing them and also I stress a lot about how I establish individual character voices as is. Every time someone says that some phrase or the entire piece was beautiful/evocative and maybe quotes something back at me, I float a little!

And then there are some special, unique comments, like someone told me they had seen a scene from another show that I was genuinely inspired by (and I’ve said as much) and that they had thought ‘I’ve read a fic that better captures this dynamic’ and came back to REREAD my fic. I think of it like, every other week at the very least.

And more recently, someone said I depicted effects of long-term toxic relationships well but with space of hope, which was something I had been all “I do disservice to this topic by touching it as briefly like this, especially considering what amazing writers have done with it before, but I can’t not’ as I wrote it that really meant a lot to me.

Send me a Fanfiction question?<3

#ask games answered #lovely people #luthienebonyx #sent on a cloud

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aurafanfiction · 5 years

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Life Is Hard (One Shots) Part 3 Chapter Three: Closure

A/N: Just a little drabble about what I hope happened after Della grounded Louie in this last episode. Don't get me wrong, he deserved it, but the boys have gotten away with a lot before and never got in trouble, so it came off a little harsh when Della yelled at him. I needed closure damn it. It would have been nice to see Della assure Louie that she still loves him or something. So I wrote it myself. Please enjoy as always.

Louie ran upstairs thoroughly embarrassed at being punished in front of everyone he loved. He slammed the door to his bedroom on his way in before jumping face first onto his mattress. This whole thing was so stupid, he was stupid for even thinking he could impress his mom this way. The youngest triplet didn’t know what else to do, so he screamed as loud as he could into his pillow, hoping that none of his family could hear him. He screamed until his yelling turned into pitiful sobbing, and he just lay there soaking his pillow in tears. Clutching his blankets tight in his fists.

He couldn’t help but think about how much his mom probably hated him. He almost got his brother’s killed, she was right to punish him for it, deep down he knew that, but he was so angry that she thought she had the right to do something like that. Uncle Donald was their parent, she was barely anything to them yet. What gave her the right to start doling out punishments to him or his brothers when she hadn’t even been there their whole lives? She didn't even talk to him about why he stole that stupid tub.

Louie continued to cry, he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even care if he was grounded forever for putting his family in danger, his mom had yelled at him, in front of everyone. Why would she do that unless she really did hate him? Every last thing about this was stupid! He just wanted her to be proud of him. Instead he had messed everything up horribly.

Della sat in her bedroom with her hands covering her face. It had been only a half hour since she had yelled at Louie and grounded him in front of everyone. He deserved to be punished, no doubt, but she couldn’t help but feel like she needed to talk with him. The look of pure hatred on his face when he reminded her that she did exactly the same thing to them ten years ago, and again when she told him he was grounded. The last thing she wanted was for any of the boys to hate her, she just needed them to be safe, and Louie had gone overboard this time.

She realized that she had exploded on him a bit in front of all the others. That wasn’t really fair of her to embarrass him like that, she had just been so angry. There had to be more to Louie’s behavior than pure desire for money, she just wondered how she could possibly get the answer.

“Maybe I should go talk to him.” She said aloud to herself. “Just to see if he’s okay after everything.”

Louie heard the knock on his door and immediately told his visitor to go away. The last thing he wanted to do was have anyone see him like this. Still, whomever it was entered the room anyway, and he heard a soft voice from the doorway.

“Louie, honey, can I please come in?” Della asked him, noticing that he was busy crying into his pillow, something she had done herself a lot whenever she got punished as a kid.

After a second came a muffled reply. “No you yelled at me in front of everyone!”

“Sweetie, please, I just want to talk about what happened. You’re right, I shouldn’t have yelled at you in front of the others, or at all, I was just so hurt when I saw your brother’s vanish right before my eyes…”

Louie continued to cry, seemingly trying to ignore his mom’s speech.

“I know you didn’t mean for any of it to happen Louie.” She assured him, holding back her own tears. Della placed her hand on Louie’s shoulder and was a little hurt when he recoiled from her touch. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you honey.”

She sat down beside him and her youngest son scooted away a little. Della waited patiently trying to give Louie a chance to speak his mind. After several minutes she tried again. “Please talk with me Louie, tell me what’s been bugging you, this isn’t all about getting rich, is it?”

Louie finally manged to choke out a response. “I really was sorry mom and you still yelled at me, I just let everything get out of hand, it wasn’t supposed to happen like that… you hate me don’t you?”

Della’s eyes went wide, and she felt the tears she was holding back starting to come forth. That was the last thing she thought he would say. She was ready for him to hate her for a while, but what had she done wrong to make her boy think for a second that she could hate him? She couldn’t stand it anymore and grabbed her youngest, pulling him into a hug. Louie struggled for a moment but let himself fall into her embrace shortly after, crying into her shoulder.

“Louie, my sweet mischievous little boy, I will never hate you do you hear me?” She soothed, rubbing her boy’s back gently. That always helped her calm down when Scrooge did it years ago.

“You’ve barely even been in our lives for a month, and already you’ve gone on these cool adventures with Dewey, and bonded with Huey over nerd stuff. I haven’t done anything with you except cause trouble and make you mad at me. I would understand if you did hate me.” Louie cried.

She pulled Louie away so she could look at him better. His eyes were red and swollen from all the tears tonight. She could tell that he really was sorry for what happened today. Man, why was parenting so much harder than fighting evil monsters? She wiped his eyes with her sleeve.

“Louie, I mean it, I will always love you no matter how naughty you are sometimes. That’s just what it means to be a kid, you are allowed to make these mistakes. Do I wish they weren’t almost kill your family mistakes, well sure, but no one said this family had normal problems. But I have to be the big bad mom who dishes out punishments when it’s called for, and it definitely was tonight. That’s how you learn, and stay safe in the future. I promise that next time it will involve less yelling. You know? I honestly thought you would be the one who would hate me.” She admitted.

The youngest triplet thought for a moment. “I don’t. I was really mad at you earlier, but I think I cried out all the madness by now.” Louie told her, which got a little chuckle from his mom.

“Yeah there’s nothing like a good cry to make you feel better sometimes. Look I know I barely have a right to call myself your mom yet, we’re all still getting used to this. Having to punish you was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, because I want you boys to like me, but I want you to stay safe more than anything else.”

“I understand why you grounded me mom, I deserve it, Uncle Donald would have done the same if he was here. But you took a dangerous risk too! And you ended up leaving us all and tearing the family apart.”

“And you don’t think I had my own punishment? Ten years of having to be away from my babies is worse than any grounding I could possibly give you.” Della wiped one of her own tears away.

Louie glanced at the ground. “I guess I never thought of it that way.” The youngest admitted. “I just want to spend a little more time with you is all. I just thought if I could get a lot of treasure I could impress you, like Huey with his knowledge or Dewey’s adventuring skills. I’m not really good at any of that, but I didn’t think anyone might get hurt because of it. I guess you didn’t think you’d hurt us either.”

Della ran her hand through Louie’s hair. “Honey, you don’t have to be good at any of that to try to impress me. But you’re right, I haven’t had time one on one with you yet like your brothers. I’m sorry if I made you feel like the odd one out and that you had to do something dangerous to bond with me. Tell you what, why don’t we go grab something to eat,wherever you want, just me and you and we can get to know each other. You can ask me anything you want as long as I get to ask you anything, cause there’s so much I want to know about each of you.”

“I can’t go anywhere, aren’t I grounded.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong you’re still grounded mister, you can’t disrupt the entire time stream and get off that easily.” Della assured him sternly before taking a softer tone. “But I’ll make an exception tonight for this. I think we both really need some quality time just me and you.”

Louie nodded before grabbing his mom in a tight hug. “We really do, thanks mom.”

A/N: I really do hope that we get some good Della/Louie moments in the upcoming episodes. This one was awesome but left a bad taste in my mouth at how she singled out Louie in front of everyone. Like Huey and Dewey stole a submarine once people! Where is the justice! :P My point is that Louie is a sweet little green bean and I need the writers to let him be happy for a second. Let me know what you guys thought about this episode in the comments. Can't wait to see what happens next. ~ Aura

#della duck #Louie Duck #ducktales #mom della #timephoon #ducktales fanfiction #give this sweet child a break please!

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mtvswatches · 4 years

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Jane the Virgin 2x19 Chapter Forty-One

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Rose, Mutter and the crime ring were brought up in the “previously on” so this episode will bring them back, right?

2) And I guess Jane’s money-saving skills will be the focus of this episode, for some reason?

3) I thought he was being followed by criminals, not journalists…

4) “They mention the Marbella four times. I mean, you have a few murders in your hotel…” To be honest, they should just turn the Marbella into a murder hotel at this point and attract the true-crime aficionados.

5) “Is anybody shipping these two?” A WORLD OF NO.

6) So… Rafael claims he wants to be present in Mateo’s life and then when it’s his turn to take care of the kid, he leaves him with the babysitter because he has work to do. Rafael is an asshole.

7) Xiomara is going to audition for a role in Rogelio’s telenovela and I guess this is going to blow up in her face…

Of course, leave it to Rafael to have sex on top of a huge-ass picture of himself.

8) You know, Rafael, if you’re feeling guilted all the time maybe it’s because you are guilty. And now he wants to make a custody arrangement to make himself better. He will get his days with Mateo, but will he actually spend them with Mateo? I don’t think so…

9) Michael got fired. To help out, Jane asks for more shifts at work, and she now has to train Anezka. This will be fun.

10) Rogelio gives the role to Xiomara on the spot, and his generosity probably prevented him from foreshadowing the potential conflicts having Xiomara at his workplace when he’s having an affair with his producer could create.

11) Me when I learned that the lock-down in my country would be extended for two more weeks and that I would have to continue teaching all my classes remotely…

12) Now, this is exactly why I have issues with Jane’s characterization…

JANE: And then I pitched myself as a grad student and a T.A. and I said I’d do it for a thousand and she said yes. (…) Who knew there was this crazy business? Helping people with their college essays?

You’re either a good and decent person, or you’re morally corrupt and you own up to it. But Jane wants to have her cake and eat it, too. I feel this is the kind of thing she would probably frown upon if someone else was doing it. Yet, if she chooses to do it, it’s the best plan ever! Of course, you can be a good person and do the wrong thing, but you should have some qualms about it, which she doesn’t? And this is not the first time I’ve brought up this issue with Jane… Now, at this point, this is clearly one of her traits, but the show keeps painting her as the Good character, the Morally Correct character. And she isn’t?

13) Xiomara already knows Rogelio is sleeping with his writer because he did the “sex sniff.” To her credit, she’s trying to deal with it. She’s clearly upset, but she’s trying to “absorb” this new information. Hopefully, they will continue to be the poster children for mature relationships. Or it will turn into a horrible drama.

14) Btw, I’m really not into the “silent movie” style they’re using in this episode.

15) Jane and Rafael go to their mediation meeting with a conciliatory attitude, but that soon crumbles once they start discussing the specific details of a custody arrangement. They try to think of every point as “hypothetical”, but the reality is that all the hypotheticals will soon be a reality, and Jane and Rafael have very different opinions on how to raise Mateo and what their rights should be. I think this is going to end up badly.

16) Petra and Jane briefly discuss the issue of their children’s trusts, and while Rafael agreed for Jane to manage Mateo’s, when it came to Petra…

17) WHAT EVEN IS THIS SHOW! I NEED TO SEE IT!

18) Xiomara truly sucks at acting, and to Rogelio’s credit, he’s trying to be supportive and help her out. But he’s being too understanding, claiming they will fix all her mistakes in post-production, which will be impossible considering how terrible she was.

19) This will be a treat, I’m sure.

Jane is surprised to learn that she’s expected to write the essay for him, and how gullible and naïve should a person be to believe she was going to be paid a thousand dollars for coaching someone…?

20) Michael’s interview didn’t go well, and he decided to ask Rogelio for P.R. advice on how to handle the whole newspaper article thing, and Rogelio suggests the best approach is to wait till it blows over. I honestly thought he was going to ask Rogelio for a job?

21) OH MY GOD, THE CGI!

22) Petra confronts Rafael about the terms of the twins’ trust and he explains why her terms are different than Jane’s…

23) Jane gives the “coaching” job another chance, and I really hope she gets this douchey kid to write his own essay, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

24) Rogelio had to fire Xiomara, and she completely understands why. She even brings up the fact that it might be easier for her not to be around Rogelio and his writer, and she tells him that she thinks he really likes her. And yes, they haven’t disappointed me, they were absolutely grown-up about it. Xiomara even helped Rogelio realize his feelings for his writer (I keep calling her “writer” because I can’t remember her name, sorry…)

25) Anezka got a tip, for good service! She’s graduated! And now she’s marrying the salt shakers. Literally.

26) So… Jane didn’t get the white CIS douchebag to write his own essay, she wrote one for him about music – his passion – which I guess is supposed to make what she’s doing okay? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. But I guess that after being confronted by the boy’s mother it will give her some perspective on how to make decisions for her own kid…

27) Yep.

JANE: I don’t want to be the kind of mom who gest in her kid’s way.

So, Rafael and Jane finally reach a compromise by trying to understand what’s important for each other and making concessions, so cool for them.

28) Rogelio tried to have the “where is this relationship going?” with his writer, and he got shut down quickly, she called the relationship casual, and I guess now we’ll get a lot of Rogelio pining over her, right?

29) Oh, Petra…

PETRA: We have a complicated history, which mostly involves me being horrible and Jane being a perfect human being and sometimes… sometimes, it gets to be too much.

Repeat after me: JANE 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 PERFECT 👏

Ugh, I hate that every character perceives her as such when she’s clearly far from it! In fact, sometimes she’s kind of the worst?

Petra at least owns up to her faults and is trying to redeem herself.

30) Anezka agrees with me, but I think she’s going to hatch up a plan to make Jane look imperfect…

31) What does this mean for Jane’s career?

32) Jane talked to Michael about not wanting to work her ass off during the time she is given to spend with Mateo, and yet again, Michael proved he’s a mature, level-headed partner. He told her she should’ve expressed these concerns to him, and that he doesn’t want her to have all the pressure on her shoulders. He got a job working for Rogelio as his chief of security.

33) Damn, Anezka is Petra’s sister, isn’t she?

I just hope Petra doesn’t get blamed for it…

34) YES, PETRA!!! YOU TELL HIM!!

RAFAEL: You have changed. I know that. It’s just a process. PETRA: Yeah, yeah, it is. And frankly, I think I’ve made more improvements than you. RAFAEL: Wait, what? PETRA: When you’re up against it, you still lie, instead of just coming clean, facing the consequences. I hope you change that soon.

35) No, Rafael, this is not what Petra meant, you stupid bimbo!

This is going to come back and bite him in the ass, I just know it.

36) Well…

This is either a misdirection, which is this show’s favorite plot device, or my prediction came true very quickly. Still, I’m zero invested in this storyline.

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Jane the Virgin #Jane Villanueva #Gina Rodriguez #Petra Solano #Rogelio De La Vega #JTV recap #recap #JTV 2x19 #mine

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phandomficfests · 5 years

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Writer’s Corner: succubusphan

Introductions

First things first, tell us a little about yourself. Hi, I’m Yani and I’m 33 and from Argentina. To be completely honest I had never taken an interest in creative writing until I got into the phandom. I was particularly interested in writing an Egyptian au that has been completely drafted but not written for 3 years now; hopefully that dream will come true before the year is out.

How long have you been writing for? I’ve been writing since 2017 and currently have 35 posted phanfics.

Tell us about your current project. I’m not sure which one I’ll be posting next. I’m rewriting my only unfinished fic which is a drag queen au I quit writing in 2018 because it was a hot mess and I’m also writing a Game of Thrones au with extreme fixing on the last season; that will be a collab with my pal shippingfangirl26.

What is your current word count? 125.419 which seems like both a lot and not that much. I don’t tend to do long fics.

Questions On Writing

What is your ideal writing environment? It varies a lot depending on my mental health and how many people are at home. Recently I’ve been using the dining room table with a cushion on my back because my spine was suffering a lot, accompanied with some sort of hot beverage like mate or tea (it’s winter here) and my headphones either on a specific playlist created for the fic in question or ambient sounds from mynoise.net (rec) Ps: If you are confused by the word mate google “yerba mate.”

What program do you use to write in? Do you write on your phone? Does what you write in make a difference to your productivity? I write in google docs on desktop. I hate the mobile version because it has auto correct and I haven’t figured out how to disable it so I have only written half of a oneshot on my phone in a night I couldn’t sleep and it took forever. It was a nightmare, do not recommend. Then I paste everything to a word doc and use the grammarly extension to catch any mistakes I’ve missed.

What are your opinions on constructive criticism in fan fiction? I would be grateful to get some, but I usually don’t. The problem with constructive criticism is that some people think any criticism is constructive when often the comments are quite dickish. I think we have all received that comment saying “Who would do that? / who would say that?” The answer is simple: whoever I said did that or said that, why? Because I created that universe, so trust me, I would know. A constructive comment would be: “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, I think “x” would have worked a bit better if “y” would have been more present in the fic.” or something like that, worded nicely, politely and not implying that give the chance you would have written the fic differently and it would have been better.

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work? Words I know the meaning of and know how to use but tend to confuse when I’m tired because they sound the same or my brain malfunctions: breathe, breath; heels, hills. The worst part of it is that both grammarly and betas tend to miss them too.

What specific roadblocks do you feel like you’ve encountered as a fic writer? This can be related to fandom itself or writing. The only thing I would consider a roadblock is my overambitious attitude towards the drag queen au I mentioned earlier. I made it a chaptered fic and I drafted a story that prolongs for years. It’s also a parent au so the child will be growing and changing accordingly, plus the complexity of the emotions I wanted to write did not match my writing skill at all and despite it being my second ever fic, I even put myself under the pressure of having a posting schedule which ended up being my downfall. I have felt horrible about having this unfinished story since I stopped posting but I’m glad I’ve gathered the courage to continue from a better place. Reading all the mistakes back has been a journey of laughter, cringe and shame all tied into a nice little ball.

If you’ve met them, did that change how you view writing them? If you haven’t, do you think meeting them would change your view? I haven’t met them but I don’t think so. Their coming out changed very little for me, if anything I tend to want to make inappropriate jokes on their tweets or instagram pictures because I forget that they are not my friends and also from a different culture. Luckily I always reread and delete the jokes. (My friends and I call each other slutty and that’s actually what my main url and twitter handle reference. I didn’t mean making fun of them or anything like that)

Are there any tropes you initially hated but grew to like? Not really. I have always had problems with the “little” fics (bd/lg) and I still stay clear of them. I’ve tried reading non smutty ones but still, no. I will never write one, not even under a challenge. One thing I did think I would never write was fisting but then the bingo fest came around and I refused to leave that out. I tortured my friends saying things like “this fic is a stretch of my limits” and “now, back to the fisting.”

Don’t forget that you can check out Yani on tumblr at @succubusphan or on AO3 here. If you’d like to be on the list for a Writer’s Corner feature, sign up here!

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