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spoonhacks · 4 years

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My Fibro Journey and How I Came Back from Rock Bottom

This not advice. But this is a true story, and it’s time I shared my Fibro journey. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia just as college was ending. This is not to say it began then, but it came to head enough to finally get an answer. This came about a year and a half after my Interstitial Cystitis diagnosis, and I was in BAD shape. I was 90 lbs, deteriorating, and everything winded me. The pain was constant and completely overwhelming. I had thrown every last drop of my energy into finishing my college thesis and graduating from a school I had worked SO hard at. When it finally commenced, I felt lost. I was depleted from the effort and it was 2011 and the economy was in shambles. Having nowhere else to go, I moved into my dad’s spare room in Massachusetts, miles away from the state I had always called home, my precious Florida warmth, and the love of my life. I was, unsurprisingly, miserable, and my health tanked immediately. I was cold all the time. No amount of blankets helped because I wasn’t generating my own heat. I remember spending Thanksgiving eve in the emergency room because an Interstitial Cystitis flare had caused a UTI to back up and give me yet another kidney infection and I had a soaring fever. Things were toxic with my dad. His cure for everything is to get up at 6am and be busy busy busy and I was in desperate need of rest. When it became obvious to me finding a job was not happening, I started an Etsy shop for my crafts with the limited energy I had. It pulled in maybe $200 a month but it felt good to be doing one small thing. A few months later the love of my life arranged to follow me to New England and secured a place for us in the apartment above his father’s house. We were together again but things were tense, his dad is occasionally a monster, and it wasn’t long before we were moving again. My health was awful and we were broke as a joke. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and spending the rest of my time trying to figure out what kind of life I was going to be able to have. I was severely depressed. We moved to an absolute shit-hole of a apartment in a bad neighborhood. Rent was $850/month for 280 square feet. We could barely afford it, and mostly lived off of my partner’s disability check and food stamps. My small savings was gone. We fought about money a lot. The Etsy shop brought in maybe $300 now, but it was clear this was not going to cover everything for a long time, if ever. My health only continued to decline and I felt utterly useless. Some days I was too sore to even get out of bed. The stress was unbearable as I watched everything in my life spiral. I honestly felt like if something didn’t change and soon, I was going to die. I thought back to the last thing I’d done right: my college thesis at art school. It took me forever to choose what medium to do the project in as there were a few I’d been practicing proficiently. I kept asking myself: “What am I the best at? What am I the best at?” and got nowhere. Finally I asked myself “What am I the worst at? What medium am I absolutely shit at that I would love to do but never learned how?” And the answer was pen and ink. A few months later I graduated with a pen and ink portfolio with one of two A’s in my professor’s senior class. So here I was, applying to design jobs and retail jobs and anything else I thought I might be good at with 0 responses for months on end. Then, instead, I asked myself what I was the worst at-- manual labor! After all, grocery shopping would knock me out until the next day. I realized this was insane to even consider and I might literally die. But I was so low it didn’t matter. If I continued wasting away like this I was going to die anyway. I knew this in my heart. Having cared for horses as a kid I started applying for barn jobs in the area. I remember straightening myself up and forcing myself to look energetic and animated for the interviews. I finally got a job. I was terrible at it. Shoveling for hours and pushing around a 300lb wheelbarrow, imagine! I could not lift a hay bale (they are about 65 lbs). But, I got up at 4:45 in the morning and drove to work in the snow before the plows came and always got to work on time. I worked only weekend days and by Sunday night I would have to make sure there was a crockpot meal going because I knew I would collapse at the end of the day. I cried in the car on the way home every single shift. My body was on fire. Mondays I could not get out of bed. The pain was immeasurable and I spent most of the day crying and had my partner help me to the bathroom. I spent the whole week recovering and patching myself up enough to get to my next shift on Saturday. But I promised myself something: that I would never complain, not to anyone at work, and not even to myself in my head. I imagined myself as a monk. Chop wood, carry water. I got fired. Then I got another barn job and got fired. Then I got another one and got fired again. The 4th job was still hard, but I did not get fired. I could now lift the hay bales. I gained 20 lbs (entirely muscle) and my body was completely different. Instead of being carried to the bathroom on Monday, I could transport myself to the couch and do basic self-care activities. I could do my crafts during the week again and between the two income streams I could afford my half of living expenses and was very slowly socking away a tiny, tiny nest egg that would eventually become the start up capital for my business. Two years had passed since mucking my first stall. My Fibro was not cured by any means but my IC was somewhat in remission and I was doing much better. Daily life got easier. After all, compared to hay bales, lifting the pasta pot while making dinner was less of a big deal. I eventually left the barn job and got a job doing landscaping and construction-- more manual labor! My new boss was disabled too and used a walker on the job site. He was also a Buddha in a blue collar. After having kept my illness a secret for 2 years of barn jobs I could finally tell a boss the truth and it was a relief. He understood me and always gave me the jobs I could flourish at. I learned a lot from him, did legitimately good work, made slightly better money, and moved out of the shit-hole apartment to an art community, which was an important step forward on the path toward opening my own business and doing art full time. During the second year of running my shop I realized I didn’t need a second job anymore and that it would be the first year in the last 5 where I wouldn’t have to dig any holes.

I’d risked it all, every last drop of my health. It could have killed me. And the agony was indescribable, but I would do it again. My body is changed forever and even years since I have last worked manual labor I am still improved for it and much more active than I was in those dark years right after college. Everything I have now I owe to that one, insane decision I made at rock bottom. This is not advice. Take what you will from my story. I still despise people who say “exercise will cure Fibro if you just tried harder :) :) :)” or some stupid shit like that. None of them know how dangerous this was or how much suffering I endured. It could have easily gone the other way. There were days my partner saw the condition I was in and begged me to stop. I told him with a roar in my voice if I didn’t keep going I was going to die. I don’t regret it. I have less pain now, consistently, than I did before I went through all that and I still try to keep up my fitness level so I never go back there. Thank you for reading my story. I can’t recommend my path, but if you come away with one thing from this, just know that there is a path forward, somewhere, and perhaps in the most unlikely of places.

#fibromyalgia #chronic pain #personal #chronically ill #disabled

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pcttrailsidereader · 3 years

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Botanical Tales of the PCT

by Matt Berger

A love for hiking and the natural world has always been a part of me. My first long distance backpacking trip, approaching 100 miles, happened when I was 14 at Philmont Scout Ranch. Carrying a 45-pound pack despite weighing a whopping 110 pounds while trekking the Rocky Mountains of New Mexico was physically grueling. Between the pain and welcome trailside respites I began noticing and taking photos of cool and seemingly exotic (as a mid-western Ohioan) plants along the trail. This trek, and the wild places I fell in love with as a 14 year old, was just the beginning of my journey.

I also had a passion for insects, reptiles, and amphibians that began as far back as I can remember—having collected dozens of field guides to identify these critters. Thanks to my experiences in nature, I turned to collecting and reading wildflower and tree field guides. My passions also turned me into a collector. Seeds from plants I’d find on weekend Scout trips were brought home and sown in home-made milk jug potters. After a few years of this, a native plant garden—packed with biodiversity—spread across my backyard in garden beds I usurped from my parents. I was officially hooked on botany.

I went to college at West Virginia University in the Appalachian Mountains studying horticulture. One summer, I returned to Philmont as an adult leader for another long distance backing trip with my friend Jon, and this time suffering was replaced with joy. These experiences led Jon to suggest an Appalachian Trail thru-hike when we graduated. With degrees in hand, we started the AT in Maine southbound in late June 2012… and I was humbled by the mountains once again. Having done minimal research into long distance hiking, I carried standard, heavy, gear and some nonsense items like a machete, fishing pole, and a sling shot. After four days, my right Achilles tendon started tearing and I had to get off trail in the Hundred Mile Wilderness. This hard lesson led me to drop 20 lbs from my pack whence I returned to the trail and met up with Jon. After that, the trail was fantastic. With the pain of hiking gone, the experience became about nature, friends, and living simply. Hiking also became research oriented. When I arrived in towns, and cell service allowed, I would look to identify the plants and fungi I’d photographed. When we finished the trail in early December, I found a job near the southern-terminus, growing plants in North Carolina—putting my horticulture degree to use!

After a year of growing plants in the greenhouses while dreaming non-stop about the Appalachian Trail and thru hiking, I realized I was more interested in plants in their natural environment than I was in growing them. What better way to see thousands of plant species, in habitat, than a thru hike of the Pacific Crest Trail? So, I saved up money and in April of 2014, started my first of two thru hikes of the PCT. I hadn’t hiked out west much, so virtually all the plants were new. Thus, began my photographic obsession with the PCT—I strove to document every unique species I saw the entire hike—and look them up in town or after the hike. I took thousands of photos of plants I would not identify until years later. On top of the cool plants, I had the time of my life. Astonishing views were complemented by the diverse habitats. Botany and thru hiking had become an addiction.

Modern technology, particularly georeferenced photos, allows for new and exciting approaches to understanding the natural world—like citizen science. Citizen science is participation by the general public in scientific undertakings (like observations) and research (uploading observations to databases). Photos of the natural world taken on smart phones can be uploaded to websites like Calflora (plants in California) or iNaturalist (all living things anywhere on Earth). With photos ready to upload, it is also important to enter other data about the observations like how many you saw, phenology, habitat, etc. This data is then available to other users and scientists whouse it to improve range maps, confirm new occurrences of something rare, or track the spread of invasive species!

In 2019 when I returned to hike the PCT again, I felt like a super-naturalist because I knew way more about what I was seeing. I took tens of thousands of photos and I uploaded every species I saw to citizen science sites. What is most exciting is finding range extensions for rare species. These help scientists gain a better understanding of species’ distributions and habitat preferences. One of my coolest range extensions came with the documentation of Piute mountains triteleia (Triteleia piutensis) in 2014 and again in 2019. This rare plant was first described to science in 2014, exactly one month before I saw the plant on my first PCT hike! I lacked photographic georeferencing abilities in 2014, but in 2019 I recorded the plant in 3 different locations along the PCT, all of which were new, previously unknown occurrences! Another plant that surprised me, and one that I wasn’t even aware of, was Collomia mazama. This beautiful blue wildflower is only found in the Crater Lake area, and I found two new populations of this species growing right along the trail! Also observed were new occurrences the recently described Claytonia serpenticola, which grows in the Klamath Mountains right along the trail. It may be more common than presently known due to it looking very similar to the common Claytonia lanceolata. Populations of these and other rare plants are protected by law, so these days, something as simple as a photo of a cool plant can have real-world importance in protecting biodiversity!

Triteleia piutensis

I encourage you to look closer on your next hike and you very well may find a rare plant growing along the trail. For me, waking up before a day of hiking is full of anticipation surrounding what is going to be seen that day. Even on the toughest climbs I encourage you to always be curious and observe what you are walking by.

Starting on February 16th, and for a total of five consecutive Tuesday nights, I will be sharing the tales of plants along the Pacific Crest Trail via a Zoom Webinar. I hope you can join me!

#flowers #wild flowers #botonizing

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thesweatzone · 4 years

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BACKSTORY and FITNESS PROGRAM

BACKSTORY:

I have always struggled with my weight. I was never overweight to a point where I would have troubles with my health but it did limit some of my abilities and it lowered my self-esteem. I was really overweight as a child but then my rapid growth caused me to look slimmer than before and I was only round. Basically I was and still pretty much am skinny fat.

About two years ago I decided I wanted to become skinnier, so I started working out more. I realized now that being skinny is far from my goal and I truly want to be healthy and have a strong body but working out did give me solid foundation on which I explored my interests in sports, which I never liked before. I found the ones I actually enjoyed and the ones I did not enjoy quite that much. I started losing some fat. But then I became lazy and the fat came back.

This repeated itself many times throughout those two years. I slowly realized my biggest problem were my eating habits. I was really picky when it came to food and I always chose the wrong one. I also binged, then ate very little for a while and binged again. I even contributed to the weight gain with drinking smaller amounts of water than I should have and my sleeping schedule was all over the place. I realized only working out won't do that much. At least not for me.

I slowly started incorporating better foods into my diet and changing up my lifestyle but I never committed enough to see it through until the end and obtain obvious results. I was also very confused where and how to start, because there is so much information out there about what is right and wrong. The main problem was that I didn't give any program I created for myself time so that I could actually see results and see if it works.

RIGHT NOW:

Now I want to stick to my plan for longer than one or two months at a time. I want to achieve results that will last and work on my confidence too. I am currently 173 cm tall (which is roughly 5,8 feet) and I weigh 65 kg (roughly 143 pounds). Though I am tall I feel like I am quite heavy since I do not have that much muscle mass so the lbs are higher than I wish they would be, because of fat. I have stubborn belly fat while I'm not really visibly round in any other areas of my body as much. Of course you cannot spot reduce (I will write about that in one of my future posts too) so I will have to lower my body fat percentage and gain a lot of muscle mass in general to see the belly fat disappearing too, since I am striving for a stronger not skinnier body.

Right now I'm in a good place, though I still have many things to focus on to perfect my daily routine. I've been working since the start of the year (6th January, 2020) and lost 4,5kg (roughly 10 pounds) in five weeks. I constructed a workout and diet plan for me as well as I could, since I haven't got that much control over a lot of things going on in my life because I'm still in school and have work to focus on besides my fitness goals, though I am trying to make them a bigger priority in my life.

Some people said that this program seemed a bit challenging for a beginner when they took a first look at it. That's why I wrote a short paragraph in which I spoke about my work out habits above. They are not that bad and I tend to work out quite a lot so I’m not in such a bad shape - food will be a bigger issue for me. If the program seems though for you and you do your workouts completely differently, I encourage you to continue doing it your way. The same goes for if you think it is too easy. I designed this the way I did, because I know what I am capable of right now and what I would like to be capable of in the future.

MY PROGRAM:

Duration: 8 months (until the end of August)

Goal: Build strength and muscle mass, achieve a flatter belly and leaner physique, gain confidence, build better habits

Workouts:

I've tried many workouts on the internet already and I decided to follow some good fitness channels on Youtube and follow their work out videos, since I don’t have time to go to an actual gym. I will link them in some future posts. I made a weekly workout schedule too.

On Mondays I do half an hour to an hour of yoga targeting my core (abs), on Tuesdays I do body weight exercises targeting the legs and the glutes, on Wednesday I have another day of body weight exercises targeting the abs and on Fridays I have weightlifting to strengthen my arms and back.

I also have one active rest day every week when I am allowed to do nothing or just some light cardio. That is Thursday for me, because I arrive home late (around 7 p.m.) and it's the day that is the most tiring for me in the whole week.

On weekends I have one scheduled full body workout on Saturdays. I usually do pilates or some HIIT workouts. On Sundays I can take a day of if I feel like it, because I don't want to push myself over the edge but if I feel alright I do an hour of cardio.

Speaking of cardio, it is one of my favourite workout categories because I love to run, dance, hike, swim… and these are all workouts that fall into the category. I try to do cardio at least three times a week even if it isn’t scheduled (just because I actually enjoy doing it) but if the weather is nice I take a walk everyday anyway, since I like some peace to think and be alone.

Through the week I work out at around 6 p.m. and on the weekends in the morning or at least before noon.

Dieting:

For me it is really hard to meal prep since I am in high school and I have a lot of my meals prepared for me by other people. I evaluated my eating habits and realized I consume too much sugar and carbs and my diet lacks fiber. I can’t completely follow a low-carb diet but I will be aiming towards consuming less carbs and try to eat food which is low in sugar and high in protein and fiber.

I also challenged myself to eliminate all sugar I could from my diet for at least 40 days but I can happily say that I'm already on day 45 (I started on the 6th of January) – I decided to just continue with it and try to reach 70 days. I planned it for a long time and I can say I am quite satisfied with the outcome. I've tried including a lot of healthy foods, vegetables and high protein foods and minimize foods with a lot of carbs but there are days when I just don't have the option to eat anything but something high in carbs or not as healthy as I would wish it would be.

If you want to, I will definitely write a post about what I eat in a week after I test it out, see how effective it is and perfect it completely.

I have already tried intermittent fasting (will be explained in future posts) in the past once and it worked miracles for me. I felt more energized, way less bloated and I felt better in general. I will incorporate it into my diet again I decided to do a 16:8 ratio – I eat in a time frame of 8 hours. That equals 16 hours of fasting where I don't consume any food I just drink a cup of green tea in the morning.

Drink:

I used to drink very small amounts of water throughout the day but I carry my water bottle with me everywhere I go now and I try to drink as much as possible. These are my main rules for drinking:

-drink 2 water bottles of water a day

-one cup of green tea in the morning (or lemonade)

-don't drink milk in the evening

Sleep:

I try to go to sleep before 11 pm and get up around 6 or 7 am. For me it is pretty hard, because I am a night owl, but I do try, since I see a big difference in my energy and ability to work efficiently throughout the day.

…

That is how I designed my workout and diet program. All details will be specified in further chapters since it is still a bit rough around the edges (especially the diet part), but I cannot meal prep since it is really hard for me to prepare my own food.

I thought I should explain what and how I'm doing everything, since I will be writing about it. This is a basic overview and I didn't really go into detail. If you want me to be more precise, especially about my eating habits and how I'm trying to change them, I will make a post about it. This is just my story and my program. I can't guarantee any of these things would work for you or your body but maybe you will get any idea or find some useful information. You now know my story and my goals.

I always struggled with my self-esteem and body image but I am on the path to changing everything and I want to share the lessons I'm learning and my story with you. I hope it motivates you and you can see you are not alone. You should also remember that even though my measurements and fitness goals don't match yours and you maybe see different numbers than me, you aren't working any less hard or doing anything wrong nor should you be discouraged. We are all on our individual journeys and you have the exact same chance of reaching your goals as I do or anyone else reading this blog.

Whenever I start doubting myself I just avert my thoughts somewhere else because I am positive we all can do this. Remember to love yourself no matter your weight. We are all beautiful and what we are doing and the changes we're making are only to better ourselves physically and mentally but our weight or appearance doesn't define us nor does it define our worth.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!

-M

#health #healthy eating #healthy recipes #fitness #fitwomen #fitbody #fit #lose weight #goals2020 #body goals

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over30hormonesolution · 4 years

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Over 30 Hormone Solution

Over 30 Hormone Solution Review: Who is Debbie Anderson’s Program Good For?

If you’re wondering whether or not Debbie Anderson’s dietary supplement called Over 30 Hormone Solution is right for you, then this Over 30 Hormone Solution review will help you make your decision.

Below, I’ve given a complete review of the dietary supplement. Plus, at the end of the review, I’ve given my final thoughts, how it stands up against other solutions like it, and an overall score (out of 10) for Over 30 Hormone Solution.

Title:

Over 30 Hormone Solution

Creator(s):

Debbie Anderson, Marissa Anderson

Creator Credibility

Debbie Anderson isn’t a doctor or trainer. She’s the first woman whose life was changed using Over 30 Hormone Solution. After having her third child, she had a hard time controlling her weight. When she tried losing weight, she injured her leg and fell into a frustrating pattern of late night snacking. No matter what she tried, she only gained more weight. Eventually she her sex drive slowed down to nothing and she became depressed.

Then, tragedy struck. She had a Transient Ischemic Attack in her kitchen, which is also considered a Mini Stroke. The doctor then told Debbie that her blood pressure and cholesterol levels were high. To make matters worse, she was a type II diabetic.

That’s when the doctor gave her grim news: “Debbie, I’m sorry to tell you this but if you don’t lose at least 47 pounds in the next 7 weeks. You are very likely at risk for another stroke….. and your next stroke may kill you”

Just a few days later, Debbie caught her husband cheating on her. And she was ready to give up. That’s when she got a call from her daughter, Marissa.

Marissa Anderson was just returning from a trip to a Blue Zone in Asia where the world’s healthiest and longest living people reside. There was a special combination of herbs that all the women on this island in Asia ate which they claimed is the reason their average life expectancy was 86 years old.

After using this combination of herbs, Debbie lost 2 lbs. overnight. And the weight kept coming off until she was a happier, healthier and hotter version of herself. That’s when Debbie and Marissa Anderson knew they had to get these recipes out to the world — and created the Over 30 Hormone Solution.

Creator Credibility Score: 8/10

The Supplement

Why Was Over 30 Hormone Solution created?

Over 30 Hormone Solution was originally created to help Marissa Anderson’s mom, Debbie, lose almost 4-dozen pounds in just weeks to save her life after a Mini Stroke. (see story above).

Marissa discovered the amazingly simple (yet almost miraculous) herbal recipes featured in the supplement while studying in Blue Zones in Asia. A Blue Zone is a region of the world where people live much longer than the average. They’re typically a lot leaner and healthier as well.

Marissa suggested these ingredients to her mother because she had sustained an injury while exercising and couldn’t workout while recovering. Yet, she kept piling on the weight because her metabolism was running very slowly and hormonal imbalances were adding inches to her waist, neck and face. Debbie was in desperate need for a solution, but nothing she tried worked.

There are many women who face this same struggle as Debbie. Yet the herbal recipes from Asia (featured inside the Over 30 Hormone Solution supplement), helped her go from 210 pounds to 132 pounds in 8 weeks, at age 53. And she did it all without a strict diet or exercise. Plus, the doctor was blown away when her high blood pressure, cholesterol and type II diabetes vanished in 2 months.

After discovering the power of these ingredients for herself, Debbie and Marissa set out to help as many women as possible get a second chance at life — whether that’s losing 10, 20, or even 100+ pounds, reversing a difficult diagnosis, or just looking younger and feeling more confident. That’s why they created Over 30 Hormone Solution.

What’s Inside The Over 30 Hormone Solution?

The Over 30 Hormone Solution supplement contains:

➤ Black Cohosh: Black cohosh has been used for centuries by Eastern North American to treat various conditions and carries a rich history of medical use. Multiple records show that Native Americans started using black cohosh centuries ago for the treatment of menopause symptoms, menstrual irregularities, as well as to ease childbirth. Today, black cohosh is a popular remedy for the symptoms associated with menopause, such as hot flashes, mood changes, night sweats, sleeping program, and even vaginal dryness.

➤ Dong Quai: Dong Quai’s scientific name is Angelica Sinensis, but it is mostly referred to as female ginseng. Mainly it is because this herb keeps the female reproductive system healthy. For thousands of years, Dong Quai has been used as a medicine throughout China, Korea, and Japan. Today, it is often recommended as a treatment for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), menstrual cramps, and other related menstruation problems, as well as hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms.

➤ Red Clover: Due to its beauty, Red Clover is used as an ornamental plant. This herb is traditionally used in the treatment of different conditions, including symptoms of menopause, coughs, cancers, and disorders of the lymphatic system. Today it is more frequently used as a key treatment for various hormonal imbalances.

➤ Chaste Berry: Chasteberry is the fruit of the chaste tree; it is sometimes called Monk’s pepper. This plant has been used for centuries to treat numerous hormone-related gynecologic conditions. You will find chaste berry in most women’s health supplements, because it’s useful in treating menstrual problems, menopause symptoms, infertility, and other conditions.

➤ Licorice: Licorice is the root of glycyrrhiza; it is known for its earthy odor and sweet flavor. While licorice is best known for its use in chewy candy, it has also been used in medicine for centuries. Most importantly, this herb is potent in reducing the occurrence of hot flashes, which make it essential in hormone health.

➤ Sage: Sage is another very important herb to the native American. It’s not only beneficial for multiple health problems, but it is also believed that sage can protect against harmful spirits and draw them out of the body or soul. Historically, this herb has been used in the preparation of many foods not just because of its amazing flavor. Though there is little research targeted at its uses in menopause, people popularly use sage to deal with various menopausal symptoms, including hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings.

➤ Blessed Thistle Herb Powder: Blessed thistle is commonly used in the form of herbal teas as a herbal remedy for loss of appetite and indigestion. It is also prepared to treat colds fever and cough, diarrhea, and bacterial infections. Some people use blessed thistle as a diuretic, as well as for promoting the flow of breast milk in new mothers.

➤ Mexican Yam: Some experts suggest using wild yam as an alternative to estrogen replacement therapy for treating symptoms of menopause. Evidence suggests that the yam may increase or stabilize estrogen levels in the body, and this helps relieve the person of the symptoms of estrogen imbalance.

This combination of herbs makes Over 30 Hormone Solution a very simple yet effective remedy for hormonal imbalances, unwanted weight gain and just wanting to feel better. In fact, one of the best parts is its simplicity. All you need to do is take one serving per day and you’ll restore hormonal integrity to the most important female hormones including cortisol (stress hormone), estrogen (the primary female hormone) and insulin (fat storing hormone).

Who is Over 30 Hormone Solution for?

Over 30 Hormone Solution is for women over 30 who want to lose weight and shrink their waist without starting a rigorous exercise program or boring, tasteless diet. It’s for women whose hormones are out of balance and it’s wreaking havoc on their bodies and lives… and they’re in search for a simple solution that can make them feel better.

Whether you have 10 pounds or 100+ pounds to lose, are 30-70 years old, or just want to have a better balanced and happier mood — Over 30 Hormone Solution is for you.

Ingredients Score: 9.5/10

Has

Over 30 Hormone Solution

Created Real World Results?

Yes!

➤ Kimberly lost 35 lbs. in 6 weeks and says, “At 45 after two kids, my weight ballooned up to close to 198 pounds. I was on the verge of a divorce because my husband and I completely lost our sexual desire with each other and worst of all I had no energy to play with my kids. I tried everything and decided to give Over 30 Hormone Solution a try…and I quickly lost 35 pounds in 10 weeks….now we’re going on weekly trips together as a family and my husband proudly holds my hand in public!”

➤ Carla says, “For years after I had my daughter I experienced everything that you went through. I was going around in circles with doctors telling me to take all these different types of medicine that made me feel worse. Once I started taking Over 30 Hormone Solution my tiredness disappeared. I even lost 29 pounds! Thanks Debbie!”

➤ Ann says, “I really couldn’t believe how easy this solution was. I didn’t even have to leave my couch!”

➤ Tina says, ““I never thought in a million years I would not only lose my stubborn body around my belly and love handles but reverse my hypothyroidism! It’s amazing just how easily the fat began to come off once I put my “hormone hat” on – haha.”

➤ Miranda says, “Debra I can’t thank you and the team enough for changing my life! Menopause really took me for a spin. I gained an extra 30lbs and didn’t even want to get out of bed some mornings.”

➤ And Cindy says, “I couldn’t believe my own reflection. For the first time in my life, I have been able to lose my stubborn belly fat…it was just so hard before…I tried everything…eating well, workout but nothing worked until I took the Over 30 Hormone Solution. It feels so good to have my hormone balance so I wake up every morning full of energy”

And here are Debbie Anderson’s results:

Debbie says these are just a few of the thousands of amazing testimonials that have flooded her inbox since releasing Over 30 Hormone Solution.

Results Score: 9/10

Comparison to Other Solutions

You’re probably reading this Over 30 Hormone Solution review to figure out if it’s the real deal. And I’m glad you’re doing your homework and want to compare it to some other solutions for you. Obviously, this isn’t the first hormonal balance and quick fat loss solution you’ve ever heard of. But after seeing the results I’ve shared with you already, I’m willing to put it up against some that have made a splash in the health world. (And honestly, I think Over 30 Hormone Solution is easier than all the others I’ve seen):

Lean Body Hacks

Cinderella Solution

Flat Belly Fix

What’s so great about The Over 30 Hormone Solution is that it’s not a cookbook full of recipes that may or may not work, and that take time to make. It’s a simple supplement. It only takes 7-seconds to use this supplement and you’ll unlock exciting results.

Price

If I had to choose a price I would pay to use Over 30 Hormone Solution, I think the maximum I would pay would be around $65-75.

Don’t get me wrong, this supplement is something special. It’s packed with powerful all natural, herbal ingredients that restore hormonal balance to women of any age so you can feel like you again.

So if you can get it for under $65-$75, definitely do it. Now, The Over 30 Hormone Solution normally has a $99 retail tag on it. However, as I’m writing this, there’s a special sale going on for only $59. All you have to do is click the link below:

Price Score: 9/10

Final Thoughts

The Over 30 Hormone Solution one-a-day supplement from Debbie and Marissa Anderson is for women who want to regulate their hormones and get leaner and healthier without making drastic changes to their lifestyle. It’s simple to use (only takes seconds to take an easy-to-swallow capsule), and can help you see exciting (even life-changing) results, and feel like you again — and completely refreshed..

The testimonials are impressive. I haven’t tried out some of these recipes for myself, but I have to admit, these Blue Zone herbal ingredients have lots of great science to back it up.

All that’s left to do is try it out for yourself. You can try it out for a limited time discount price by going here:

*Note: This is an affiliate link and Fit-Critic.com gets a commission on this sale. If you found this review helpful, then please buy through the link above.We buy every program we review, and the money made from this site helps fund those programs. This way, we can continue to provide you with free reviews.

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oscarswildetiger · 4 years

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I’m just taking a break from an unfuck your habit cleaning spree to complain.

I signed up for Noom shortly after my 30th birthday because I felt like absolute crap about myself. I didn’t want to do any trend diets, I haven’t done that for years, and the whole 30 was a lot more dedication than I really wanted as well. Noom promised something different and well so far it has been. I’m not going to get into Noom too much, but I just wanted to lay the basis that is what I’ve been doing and since when (Last week of November to mid Jan) According to the scale today I’ve lost a total of 21 lbs, but I’m so frustrated. The scale goes up and down. Noom has you weigh yourself every day, and I think the point of that is to see exactly how your weight fluxates, in the beginning I was shedding lbs pretty evenly, then the scale would tick up, I would go 3 days without pooping, then I’d poop and it would be back down. Then my digestive schedule evened out and I would see still a cycle of upticks then downward, then a few days at the same, then up, then down, you get the picture. Yesterday morning I weighed 6 lbs more than I did this morning. I think the scale will say I’ve gained 3 tomorrow, so it’s a victory but also one that feels rather fleeting.

I’ve been exercising a lot more, running on treadmill, I even started derby! But thats a post for another time (though we’ll touch back on this a bit more shortly) my clothes fit better, I’m feeling better, but I’m just fucking annoyed.

My job is so boring that I realize I spent a lot of time eating snacks there because I had so much downtime. Now that I’m not eating so many snacks I’m frustrated at how slow the clock goes between the time I get to work and the time I get to lunch and then again the time that means I can go home. So I sit at work trying to keep myself busy and I’m just annoyed at all the things that I COULD be doing at home and that I can’t do because I’m stuck HERE at a job that doesn’t give me enough work to fill 7.5 hours worth of my day. It feels like a punishment having to wake up, drive 45 minutes to a place where I have to sit in a quiet room and can’t do anything that makes me feel productive. Not to mention my coworker (whom I don’t even like, and I know doesn’t care for me) tells me REALLY personal health information that I would never want to know about anyone, and that no one outside her doctor, husband, and maybe best friend should ever know about (Kidney stones, UTIs, and Yeast Infections OH MY!) I know more about my coworkers scheduled cervix exams than anyone outside an OBGYN’s office should know. Honestly is this a form of sexual harassment? Your coworker oversharing information about their genitals that you never asked or showed any interest in? It’s a form of something thats for sure, and it’s sure as hell not appropriate. Then I come home and either go for a run first or just go straight to spend time making dinner, this is mostly okay, I enjoy cooking and baking so trying new things is nice, sometimes it’s annoying when it doesn’t come together but c’est la vie. But then I’m done cooking and eating and then I’m not sure what to do. I’m tired at this point but I’ve eaten enough food and I’ve been on my feet enough. Counting calories (and types of calories) often leaves little to no room for any alcohol. I used to love a glass of wine with dinner and then usually another glass or two after the fact, and maybe a snack. But now I’m realizing that these things helped me relax and unwind, just like eating snacks throughout the day, eating and drinking after dinner was like part of a ritual, and now I’m stuck without that. Sometimes I drink an herbal tea or a hot chocolate, but its just less satisfying. I came home today early from work because I have a hectic weekend schedule and need to do this deep cleaning that I am currently procrastinating on. I’ve already gotten so much done and I’m glad I took the time off, but like, I also want to make a cocktail and have a pizza right now like it’s no ones business and I simply cannot do that right now. 1. I do have derby practice tonight so I couldn’t drink right now or eat something heavy if I wanted to, and 2. I don’ have that kind of stuff in the house so I’m not going out to sabotage myself. I also know if I chowed down on a whole pizza (a feat that would be a piece of cake a few months ago) I’d feel like ultimate garbage and probably give up cleaning entirely and just lay down and zone out to netflix. This thought is comforting because I know I’m getting more shit done and not eating something that I’ll regret later. Roller Derby gives me a lot of anxiety, I was never the best player but I was excited to be back, but I’m scared to go tonight because I’m feeling frustrated and just want to stay home. My thoughts are telling me that I’m going to suck at laps and that I’m going to make an idiot out of myself tonight because I’m already feeling like a big useless baby anyway from not having anything to do at work all week, but I know I will be self defeated if I don’t go. I’m hoping that by going I’m able to get some of this frustration out (it’s contact tonight so time to hit people!) and I can transfer the negative energy that I’m feeling into some positive endorphin fueled brain matter. I don’t really have a point for any of this, other than my frustrations are at an all time high this week and I have no way to get it out of my system because my previous habits weren’t entirely healthy and I’m not sure how to channel them in a healthy way so now it’s effecting me in all aspects of life and I’m not feeling very healthy at all. It’s just a vicious cycle I’m in right now and I’m fucking fed up.

#weight loss #frustration #work

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laurenehan · 6 years

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Best Day of Our Lives

Little did we know, June 29th would be the best day of our lives. Even less did we know that our sweet boy's life would be on the line.

On Thursday, June 28th, we headed to the doctor's office around 11am after I had been awake all night with contractions. They completed a fetal non-stress test to determine the cause. Much to our surprise, they said it seemed I was in labor, but was only a centimeter dilated. They chalked it up to my body practicing for the real-deal, but decided it would be best to do a biophysical screening ultrasound just to be on the safe side.

The ultrasound revealed troubling news; the fluid surrounding our baby was much too plentiful and a section of his bowels were cause for concern. They sent us to a specialist that afternoon for further investigation, but not before asking if anyone in our family has Cystic Fibrosis.

We arrived at the specialist's office and had another ultrasound screening by the technician and then the doctor. He explained that there was a section of our baby's bowel that was not displayed in the screening, meaning there was likely a blockage in his small intestine which was causing the increased fluid levels. He, too, asked if anyone in our family has Cystic Fibrosis. Our hearts dropped when he said our baby is going to need surgery within the first 3 to 4 hours of his life.

How could something so exciting evolve into something so unbelievably terrifying? We have been planning for this for the past 8 months. We've done everything "by the book" and this is the news we get? We picked ourselves up, dried our tears, and asked what we do next.

I stayed hooked up to another monitor for another non-stress test for the next 2 hours as the specialist monitored my contractions. They barely hurt, but continues to come every other minute, lasting a minute each time.

The specialist returned to where we were completing the test. Contrary to his comment prior to hooking me up to the monitor ("You don't appear to be in active labor"), he now stated I was in labor and we need to send you to a place where they have the means to care for this baby after birth." He gave us the option of two hospitals then chose for us because he didn't want my water to break while sitting in traffic on the expressway. He came back about a half hour later and said we were to go to the Labor and Delivery unit and that they would be expecting us.

We drove to the hospital as we called our employer's to let them know we wouldn't be back and called our parents to share the exciting (and terrifying) news.

We arrived at the hospital around 5:30, still not feeling like I was in labor. We found our way to the unit where they quickly hooked me up to IVs and gave a steroid injection for his lung development. The attending physician came into the room about a half hour later. She said she did not plan on delivering this baby this evening; that it could still be a few weeks and that he would be safe ineutero until delivery.

We were not happy with this news. After rushing to the hospital and being told our child would need surgery almost immediately, to being told everything would be fine and we weren't having a baby yet, we were dumbfounded. What do we believe? Hating needles, I started to complain. I would be darned if I was going to sit here after being stuck a few times and not have this baby.

After about 20 minutes of complaining and a change of shift for the nurses around 7pm, I turned to Cameron and said "Either I just peed myself and I am completely embarrassed, or my water broke." We quickly pressed the nurse call button.

In she came, then out she went to get the doctor. They tested the fluid and retracted everything they had said about not being in labor. It was 7:50pm.

Next thing you know, we are talking to the anesthesiologist about epidurals. I got the epidural around 10pm, after 5 different attempts from the anesthesiology team. (Remember I hate needles).

At 10:30, they decided to start Pitocin since I still wasn't dilating past 3cm. Our moms came in the room to visit for a while as we explained the events that had transpired that day. At 11:45, I decided I was going to try to take a nap before gearing up for delivery. At 12, I called the nurse and told her that "I think he's coming now." She decided to check for herself and agreed. She left the room to get the doctor. Around 12:20am, they said I could try to push. The NICU team arrived in the room around 12:30-it was Go-Time.

After 20 minutes of pushing and 6 people's hands pulling him and pushing on me (he was in distress), our baby was born at 12:59am.

Grant Lyons Renehan. 19.5 inches. 5 lbs 2oz.

Full of joy and some relief, we held our breath as we waited for him to cry. He wasn't breathing well. We heard a short, soft cry before they placed him on a CPAP. After about 20 minutes, the nurse placed our baby, wrapped in a blanket, on my chest for a brisk 20 seconds before whisking him away. At 1:27 AM, he was admitted to the NICU. Daddy followed he and the team of doctors upstairs while the doctors cared for me.

He returned and our moms came back in the room to sit with us as we awaited to hear about surgery for our little baby. A doctor returned after a few hours (seemingly a lifetime) and explained the problem just as the specialist had done. They believed the bowel had twisted and inverted upon itself, causing a blockage. He said they were going to complete some tests and he would let us know what they find and the plan of action.

Soon after, I developed a severe headache, high blood pressure, and some other symptoms. The doctor ordered a pain medication intravenously as they drew lab work to test for preeclampsia. She returned a couple hours later and said that I needed to start on a magnesium drip immediately to prevent seizures and that I wouldn't be allowed to leave my bed for 24 hours. I cried. My baby was going to have surgery and I was helpless. But, we did what we had to do.

Still no test results and it was getting to be near noon. Daddy had been up to check on him a few times, as he was permitted to be in the room due to all the testing.

I came off the drip at 1am on 6/30. Eager to see our baby, whom I hadn't seen in 24 hours, Cameron helped get me out of bed and into a wheelchair. It took two hours to be able to sit up and eventually stand. I had to eat before I was allowed to leave the room, so I downed two pretzels and some peanut butter crackers.

Cameron wheeled me upstairs where we sat with Grant at his bedside. We were there only a short time before I had to return to my room due to the pre-eclampsia. We returned to his bedside a few hours later and we finally got to hold him for about a half hour each.

The pediatric surgeon came over to us and explained the possible causes and that surgery was necessary. She said it could be a vulvulus (type of twisted bowel obstruction), but that she wasn't expecting it. Only surgery would be able to tell us for certain.

By 12:50pm, we had signed consent forms to put our 36-hour old baby to sleep while they completed an exploratory surgery. We followed Grant and the anesthesiologists to the OR doors. Again, how could this be happening?

We returned to our room where family took turns visiting to keep us occupied.

At 1:50pm, we received a call stating they were starting.

At 2:50pm, they called again to say they were actually starting to cut and that he was tolerating the anesthesia and was on a ventilator.

At 3:50pm, they called to say he was still undergoing surgery.

At 4:50pm, they called to say everything was going great and they were wrapping up within the hour.

At 5:50pm, the surgeon came to our room and said she had just finished. We tried to absorb everything she said as she drew a diagram of what she had found. They tried laparoscopically, but quickly learned that wouldn't work. The problem was too severe.

She explained that she had found a vulvulus obstruction and that she had to remove 25cm (later learning it was 15cm) of dead small intestine after the blockage. She asked if anyone in our family had Cystic Fibrosis. Again, we said no.

She explained that she had to insert two stomas, as she was not able to resection his bowel at this time. Our baby now has an illeostomy bag.

She said this could be caused by one of three things: Cystic Fibrosis, Hirschprung's disease, or a freak vascular accident ineutero. (I did have a hemorrhage at week 13 and the placenta eventually reattached itself by week 17.) She took some biopsies and we are still awaiting those results. They also sent out blood for his newborn screen and asked that it be expedited. We asked what this meant as far as having our baby home and safe. She told us it would be 3 to 4 weeks minimum until he could come home and at least 6 weeks before they would consider reversing the stomas and putting his bowel back together.

We went up to see him later that evening. Still asleep and still on the ventilator, he looked peaceful. We cried a lot that night and anxiously awaited him to start breathing on his own again.

At 4am on 7/1, he came off the vent. He remained on IVs, and they gained our consent to insert a PICC line since his IVs kept going bad. He also received a blood transfusion after losing 20ml during surgery. We held his hand as much as we could that day after they made several failed attempts to insert the PICC line.

They tried again for the PICC line the next day (7/2) after we got to hold him for 2 hours. Unsuccessful again, they had to call in the surgeon.

Our baby underwent his second surgery which lasted an hour and a half, but the PICC line was in. Pediatric Surgeons are saints who make a fortune.

We sat with him for a little as he recovered-completely zonked out from the pain medication once again-before coming back home.

July 3rd was a great day for all of us. We snuggled him for hours as he stared up at us, wide awake. He sucked on his pacifier, finally beginning to realize hunger. He continued on his TPN and was a champ through a Hep B vaccine (but how could he not be tough at this point?!)

We got to change his diaper several times, take his temperature, and give him a bed bath. Our hearts have never been more full. That day, our baby acted like a healthy baby. There isn't a moment where he hasn't seemed genuinely content.

The surgeon checked on his stomas, which were now producing output. He also continued on his Replogle to suction everything out of his stomach. Once the bile clears in color, we will FINALLY be able to attempt to feed him a small amount (The poor thing has to be starving!)

The nurse practitioner informed us that the results from his genetic screening came back and revealed that he was negative for the top 43 mutations of Cystic Fibrosis, but that his IRT level was still elevated, which could mean he has C.F., but a much rarer form. The only way to know for sure would be done by completing a sweat test, which can't be done until he is 2 to 3 months old and starts producing sweat. So, we will continue to be patient, to pray, and to wait.

Our little boy is a fighter and we will continue to hope for the best life possible for him. He is our greatest Blessing, our most rewarding milestone, and the best thing God could ever give us.

We hope you will continue this journey with us as God continues to Grant Us Strength.

XOXO.

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vampyrechick · 4 years

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My Mental Health Story

*****WARNING: This post contains self harm and suicide attempts and ideation*****

When I finally accepted my diagnosis of bipolar II, it sounds cheesy, but my whole life made sense. Me as a little girl isolating, being paranoid, getting fixated on things, moods changing quick, the self harm. The self harm... first it was digging my long fingernails into the back of my hands till it bled, banging my head against the wall, pulling out my hair. Later as i grew up, the self harm turned into punching large bruises into my legs, raking my nails down my forehead, and eventually cutting my wrists. It was punishment. Punishment for being me.

I was picked on all through school- too fat, too skinny, fake boobs, etc. None of which was true. I was right in my BMI and there was nothing in my bras but my boobs. I got made fun of for having freckles and moles and I even got picked on for needing a rolling backpack when I broke my clavicle and was unable to lift heavy things.

I started college and started dating my now husband. I’d had a few huge panic attacks here and there, but never really knew what they were. He knew something was wrong with me, but didn’t quite know what. He had a suspicion on bipolar and after working with a bipolar person, so did my dad.

I’d been working at a well known lingerie store for 7 years when my boyfriend and I got married, had a kid, and bought a house with my brother. Having a baby was hard especially not knowing she was lactose intolerant so my moods were everywhere. We fixed up the house for a year and finally moved in in late 2013. I’d been getting mentally abused at that store the whole time- getting passed up for promotions, blamed for things getting stolen, yelled at, etc. It was time for a new job and more money. My brother was out a job for a while, so we needed to pay for the house somehow. I got a job at a well known insurance company. I didn’t know it, but I’d been having panic attacks all through 6 months of training. It felt like I was being crushed and I couldn’t breathe and I’d been throwing up every morning while getting ready. At the age of 4, my daughter even came in to comfort me while I was nauseous and said I’d be ok and just needed food and brought me a bucket to throw up in. Being on the phones was the worst for me. I did get my promotion and moved out of training though. I was there almost a whole year and almost to my next promotion and I had the biggest panic attack I’d ever had. It was the start of my shift and I couldn’t get on the phone. All those mornings of throwing up in the shower getting ready for this job blew up into this huge 2 hour long panic attack. My friend had to talk to managers over the phone after trying to calm me down, I had to talk to the nurse, my brother and husband had to come pick up me and my car. That was the last day in the office for me. HR was horrible. The lady I got didn’t care about mental heath and constantly needed dr notes. I eventually had to quit. A lot of people quit that job because of the stress.

I had been going to the dr while at the insurance job trying to find out why I was throwing up every morning and why I couldn’t breathe. I got checked for gall stone, ulcers, crohns, everything. Ultra sounds, endoscopy, colonoscopy, etc. My dr finally told me it was mental. I refused to believe it, but I went up a floor to psych anyway. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was put on so many different combinations and saw so many different doctors and none were working. After I quit, I of course lost health insurance and had to go through the state. Again many different pills, but less often as the dr wanted to slowly try combos. My husband somewhere in there lost his job, my brother got one, and then my husband found one making road signs. I got insurance again.

My friends mom got me a job filing paperwork at a well known car dealership. I did well filing, but I started having to greet customers in service and move cars into the smallest of parking spots. I started fixating on things, arguing with my boss, and getting lonely in the back room. I even tried to open a vein in my wrist in the bathroom at work with a wire hanger. I got really depressed in the back and the anxiety while moving cars was great. I crashed 1,2,3 cars and I was out. I was put on a 3 day suspension (which afterward turned into being fired). That day I went home and took over a full bottle of prescribed medication. I wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to exist. Just sleep forever. I was tired. Tired of my brain and stress and not knowing how to fix what i was going through. Just so tired. I text my husband to pick up our daughter from school and said goodbye. He called 911 and they came in and walked me downstairs, strapped me to the bed in the ambulance and took me to the nearest hospital in late September 2017.

They didn’t have to pump my stomach, but I did end up having a seizure. My husband, mom, and dad all came to see me and my aunt and uncle watched my daughter after school. I got put on a 5150 which is a 3 day hold in the psych ward of the hospital. I begged to be let out for the first two days. I was diagnosed bipolar II and placed on a handful of medication to take while there. I eventually gave in and participated so I could go home. The meds they gave me made me hungrier. I got out in 3 days time and still had to take those meds. and 3 months later on those meds I was 60 lbs heavier. I looked and looked for someone to help me lose the weight. Eventually I found a psych at the health insurance place that changed my medication, but after a little, they weren’t cutting it. I’ve changed meds and doses a bit. I kept asking my psych and my regular dr and my therapist for a way to help me lose weight. Nothing. I got into a bipolar group after taking IOP. A handful of them had to get surgery to lose the weight they gained on bipolar meds.

May 2019 I had an episode and landed back in the hospital under 5150 this time just for ideation. I begged again the first 2 days to be let out. My husband came every night to visit and my parents at least once since my dad works out of town. I participated when I could and got out in 3 days. I went into IOP again for 12 weeks. Then last 2 weeks of October come and I’m back in the ideation stage. I need the hospital, but the insurance policy changed and I don’t know if it’s covered. I go like that until mid November. I get put on new medications and have to cold turkey off one drug and slowly go on one and whatnot. In the beginning I can’t tell what’s real and what is a dream. For a week I live like that. Then I have a day or two of being ok, and switch to being angry. Cold turkeying that drug made me lose touch with reality for a whole week then adding that new drug made me angry. I had to stop one of the new drugs (the one that made me angry).

I’ve had trouble sleeping off and on my whole life probably due to episodes. It got worse when my grandma on my dads side passed away and lately seem to have trouble often even on meds to help.

My resting heart rate is always above 100. Often around 120 and has gotten as high as 153 (resting).

On the combo I’m on now I’ve thought about giving myself a labottomy when I used to want to drill open my head and try to fix whatever is wrong with me.

April 2020 and I haven’t had a job since about July of 2018. Before COVID-19, I was getting panic attacks every day having to take my daughter to school. In fact she missed the day school closed (March 16,2020). The panic was bad and I couldn’t get myself to drive. I’ve been fighting to get on social security disability and I have a lawyer. I had a hearing in January 2020, but needed a court ordered psych appt. The appt was scheduled for late March and was canceled because of COVID-19. Since we are a 1 income family in San Diego, it’s hard to afford our house.

I’ve had meds make me talk slow, think slow, fall fast asleep at work, hungry 24/7, thirsty 24/7, have to tinkle every 45 mins, make me tense all my muscles 24/7 for weeks. I’ve had them effect my memory. Even my memory of what everyday words are.

May 2020 I’m so stressed about everything that I’m getting massive heartburn again. I don’t know what medication to help aleviate it because lithium reacts with everything.

July 2020 stress got to me. The stress of possibly not being able to stay in my house, the stress of my backyard being so full of weeds that my husky had to get fully shaved and get over 300 foxtails pulled from his skin (and of course the bill that came with it), the stress of my husband having a kidney stone in each kidney, the stress of my husbands car not having ac and his drive to and from work is 1 hour each way (and of course not being able to afford to fix it), the stress of my car leaking oil (and again not being able to afford fixing it), and I’m sure there is more. I went out with my parents and they asked me to be friends with someone who stopped being my friend because of my disorder in order to make my brother happy. That hurt. I texted them and wanted them to know how that made me feel especially while I’m dealing with all this other stuff and got some crappy replies. I then realized that I was being stigmatized by family and they weren’t the only ones and I lost it. I got put on another 5150 July 1st. I felt like I had lost a huge part of my support team. I wanted to stab myself in the throat and make a special note to my dad as to why he, my mom, and my brother made me kill myself. While in the hospital I realized that my husband and his father (when he is able to visit) are sympathetic to what I am going through and my husband does everything he can to make things easier on me. I am very lucky to have him. Later in July I had another instance where I couldn’t tell what was real and what was not. I hope that isn’t a regular thing again.

July still and I found out my brother had invited my bipolar best friend over for a bbq and made advances and was shut down. He text her dirty texts and she told me she still shut him down and I was upset because never once did anyone in my family reach out to see if I was ok after getting out of the hospital, but my brother would text my friend he’s hung out with less than 5 times? So I message him and he gets defensive and I decide to cut him from my life. I’m upset the couple days after and my husband tells me my daughter is showing more signs of bipolar (she’s 10 and there’s a 10% chance of passing it down). I get more upset and miscommunication leads to my husband calling my parents who I am still mad at for stigmatizing me. The first thing my dad does when he gets here? Tries to fix the door handle to the bathroom because my mom couldn’t open the door when there was another one she could have used instead of check on me like my husband had asked. Things get heated and I tell them they were the reason I was hospitalized on July 1st and they then said they were calling the police. More things were said about how upset and how they don’t even try to learn or read a book to learn and they said “no book can teach me about bipolar.” And I said the whole family stigmatizes me by not saying anything when I say I can babysit and my dad said “well no wonder they think they are a danger to their kids look at you!” I told them to get out and my mom had to be forced out due to refusing to leave without my child. She then called my daughters phone and tried to talk her into walking outside to them so they could take her from me. A therapist called and deemed me ok to not go to the hospital and wait until my regular appointment (in a few minutes from then). My regular therapist then called and talked to me and came to the same conclusion as the therapist before her. My husband came home to my parents on the porch. My father then told him that I was in rage and that it was just a seizure. I was not. I am hurt and sad and upset and misunderstood. I don’t understand why people don’t get that mental illness is a real thing. Why can’t you learn about bipolar from a book? How do doctors learn? You learn how it works and what the symptoms are and then you learn the specifics of the person you love. How is that a difficult concept?

I have been having seizures at night now though. Multiple a night. Just small few second ones. Haven’t been able to sleep for a few nights unless I get so tired I pass out.

As a kid I’ve never felt like I fit in with my family and it transferred into adulthood even before I found out I was bipolar. I didn’t feel happy when I felt I should have been. I felt left out from the girls group because I didn’t like the same things they did, but I didn’t fit into the boys group either. Then adulthood. I was the first out of all the cousins to have a child and get married and buy a house, but I’m not the oldest. I just never fit. I see how the oldest and second youngest (of the girl group) go out to bingo together and of course the oldest and youngest are sisters so they are close, but me? I had 2 brothers. Where did I fit? They hung with the boy cousins. I didn’t have anything in common with either group. Again adulthood I still don’t fit because I don’t have a job and my kid is over 5 years older than the age of the babies everyone else just had. Now we add bipolar to the group and no one else has a mental disorder. None diagnosed at least.

More about my childhood, but first I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Insomnia due to stress, seizures which I’ve never had before (due to stress), and things I should have grown out of (thanks genetics... due to stress). I’ve never been happy with myself because of it and I’ve always had trouble sleeping. Most of my sleeping issues came after my grandma died. All I could think about was death. Burning alive in a house fire, drowning, being creamated alive, being buried alive, etc. I got more depressed.

Growing up at family functions I would ask to “play in the car” which meant sit and wait to go home. Now looking back I know I was sad and overwhelmed with the loud noises and not fitting in. I’d throw up every Easter. I was told it was because I ate to much candy. Now I see it was anxiety. Anxiety to find all my eggs because my family is competitive. Anxiety because my family is loud. Anxiety because I didn’t fit in.

I didn’t fit in at school either. I said earlier I was always made fun of. I forgot about how the kids would always dare different boys to ask me out and then laugh about it. My husband has learned not to tell me I’m pretty or beautiful because it makes me cry. I don’t believe him. I don’t believe any compliments ever and never have. They upset me. I’ve taken lipstick or eyeliner and written “fat, ugly, useless” ect on my mirror. I gave up on wearing make up because to me, it’s not to make you look pretty, it’s to enhance your beauty and i don’t feel I have any. First it was my cystic acne and now it’s my weight. I’ll never be how I want to look again because doctors don’t care. I was literally told “would you rather be alive and fat or dead?” I want to be happy. What’s the point of a life if you aren’t happy?

Growing up I didn’t feel like I got much attention. I tried to come up with ways to break a bone at school 1-5 grade. Lotion on my hands then go on the monkey bars, play the tougher games like red rover where people did try to break your arms while running over, ect. Nothing worked.

It’s been a hell of a ride. Paranoia, obsession, fixation, anger, hypomania, depression. It’s hard. It’s really hard to live this way. I finally got someone to help me with my weight loss early April 2020 after getting to be 110lbs over what I was. I still struggle with mood swings because obviously there is no cure and I can’t remember things and often forget what everyday things are called. Some times I feel like I am putting on a face for others. Like a “happy face”, so they don’t have to ask “what’s wrong”. I do know (when I’m in my wise mind) that I have help and a small amount of people who love me who will be there for me when I need it.

It’s August now and my parents are lying to my husband about what happened just like they lied about why they asked me to be friends with someone for my brothers sake. First it was because the wedding. I pointed out they asked it was after they broke up. They stated it was just to be in the same room. I stated no that’s what was said after I told them why she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Why am I wrong? Why lie? Why not admit it?! You fucked up! Just because my brain doesn’t produce chemicals to make me happy doesn’t mean it makes me stupid. “We called our granddaughter to come outside to the porch.” Ok. Then what? You were under the impression someone was going to take me away which in turn means you thought you would get my daughter. That’s stealing. I didn’t want her outside and you knew that.

Still beginning of August. I guess July was too rough with me not sleeping that since August came along and I fall asleep all the time and I can’t wake up. You’d think sleep would be a good thing, but the sleep I get is nothing but nightmares that I can’t wake up from. I went to the doctor the other day and found out that a small lump I’ve had on my shoulder since 4th grade is a cyst brought on by stress. I also have psoriasis... brought on by stress. I have been shaking a lot lately due to anxiety and money problems keep getting worse. My stomach won’t stop hurting.

Wow it’s the first Saturday in August. How much has happened. That girl my parents asked if I would be friend with for my brother btw is married. I had asked my friend of like 25 years when the incident happened if she would take her off things like Instagram and Facebook and stuff and she had a fit, but half took her off Instagram. You know where you unfollow them but they still follow you? So yea I was still mad but she claimed she didn’t know how to not have her on Instagram. You know that “block” button. Yea I guess that doesn’t exist. So recently after my parents thing I see she adds the new Facebook page (I blocked one so this is a new one) and I lose me shit). She text me asking me how I am doing and I not word for word say “don’t ask how I am if you don’t give a shit. I see you added that bitch recently and I don’t know if you’ve done reading or not on mental health, but triggers are things that set back forward progress. I don’t get why I fight for you to be in my life when you don’t fight for me to be in yours. Don’t text me again” and I blocked her. She then had her daughter (who’s always grounded from her phone) bombard my daughters phone with “can my brother and I sleep over? Auntie has to answer my moms texts though” like what the fuck?! She’s always been a “user.” And when I say “user” I mean “drive me here and I’ll ignore you the whole concert” “give me money and I’ll say I’ll pay you back and never actually will” “ watch my kids every weekend for like 2 months and I’ll never return the favor.” Shit like that. I’m out. Done. To quote my favorite movie in a time of pain this Katelynn “chick must have beer flavored nipples.”

August is the month that just keeps giving. I am non stop nauseous. I threw up the other day and it caused me to have a nose bleed. Mental health drug withdrawals are no joke. Hopefully I’m on a good mix again for another year or whatever. Once the withdrawals stop, I need to stop the stress and anxiety. My husband says my dad is trying to make an effort to learn now, but I don’t know if it’s too late. He and my mom have already triggered me many times by asking me to be friends with that girl who didn’t want to be my friend because my illness to make my brother happy. My dad also told me I’m a danger to children when I’ve only ever hurt myself whereas his oldest has gotten expelled from high school for fighting and has a track record for punching holes in walls and hitting cabinet doors off hinges, but because I have a label, I’m dangerous. There’s just some things you just can’t take back.

I don’t know if I’ve already stated, but I forget what things are called and the stress to get my thoughts and what I’m trying to say out is huge because I don’t want to hear “what?” “I missed that” “I didn’t hear what you said.” It’s cause I didn’t get to finish! I stopped to figure out what the word was now I forgot the whole sentence! Colored pencils are colored sticks. Elote is elbow. Ice is grass. Posture is prosper. I HATE this! I come up with ANY word that will come out to avoid a pause so I can avoid “what?” I truely cannot remember the word either until someone tells me.

It’s the end of August and my parents and I are slowly starting to talk. First about small things like video games, but yesterday I called my mom and told her I was sorry for how I expressed my feeling. I said I never should have acted out in anger and should have come to them calmly (though now thinking about it, I did and it didn’t work, but what’s done is done). My dad is reading the book and really taking it in. The book being from a bipolar persons perspective is nice for him. My mom is also doing internet research. My brother has been asking how I have been doing which is nice though I still don’t know how I feel about him and how he treated my friend. My oldest brother has been silent. We’ve never been close. It hurts, but he’s got two little girls to deal with I guess. I would have been asking about him, but oh well I’ll take what I get. I’ve did the distance thing I realized because I was afraid of losing them again. Afraid the anger and fighting would come back and it would just be a never ending cycle. I hope this book opens eyes. On other notes, I’ve upgraded to nocturnal panic disorder. I’ve been waking up in a panic from sleep. Still having nightmares, but the times I don’t, PANIC!

My parents and I are doing better since my dad is reading the book. I appologized for how I said things in anger to both of them because it wasn’t fair to them for my to have done that even if I did try calmly. I should have kept trying. My dad said the book is really eye opening and he didn’t need the apology, but appreciated it. He said reading it made him realize I couldn’t help it. I can’t explain right now what he meant, but it’s just like loss of control (I posted the book in another post). I text my brother to tell him I love him because I do and I understand why he would ask my friend out, but I’m still upset because I know I was a rebound and he didn’t have good thoughts. I know he knows it was a mistake and in time we will be ok. On another note, I found out why I was having nocturnal panic attacks. I stopped my sleeping pills that is also for anxiety. I started a medication that I haven’t been on for a little and I took my on the spot anxiety med the other day and i had a few psychotic breaks again (a few in one day). So now I won’t take my on the spots anymore.

My primary care doctor has put me on a medication to help with weight loss in addition to the others I am on. Its also supposed to help with full body pain and swelling which I have. In just three days I have already noticed reduced swelling and pain. Dieting is still hard, but less hard. I am couting calories safely to lose 1 pound a week and eating at least 80 grams of protein. Thats it. Thats my diet I am following. Nothing special or fancy or hard to do. Simple.

Took almost 2 years on the dot, but I finally got on SSDI as of early Sept. and early Oct. I got my award letter. I didnt fully win my case (only 16 months out of 2 years, but I will take it). Also, I don’t get paid for the first 5 months of that 16 months which I don’t fully understand, plus I have to pay the lawyers, but still, I won. We also got a notice saying that since I have a child, I can apply to get money to pay for her as well. That was easy to apply for and only takes a month to hear back for, so I should hear back early Nov.

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