#the first two i actually think might be what anon was referring to but im unsure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thesherrinfordfacility · 7 months

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Hello! Hope you're having a nice day 😄 I'm extremely new to the fandom, as in post season two's release, and I keep seeing offhand remarks about Crowley's fear when Furfur shows up in the dressing room in the Blitz minisode and how he didn't know he was saved until he and Aziraphale were back in the bookshop. I was hoping as the designated 1941 person you might know whether there are any posts looking exclusively or just in more detail at those things? It's just, it may be fairly self-explanatory, but there's been enough reference that I feel like there should be a starting point somewhere for those observations despite that?

hello anon sweetheart!!!✨ first of all, welcome!!! and second, im having a lovely day so far, thank you - hope you are too!!!✨ im not aware of any posts that look at this exclusively, and whilst im certainly not an expert on 1941, the minisode accounts for about 50% of my personality at this point so i'll do my best to give you one instead!!!

let's start from when furfur enters into the dressing room. aziraphale and crowley are both completely relaxed, albeit keyed up on the success of the trick, and their guards are down. you can feel the tension begin to settle in, though, as soon as furfur starts speaking after entering, just as aziraphale removes the feather boa, and his armour goes back on.

now, for me, the crux of the issue in 1941 is that crowley underestimates both furfur and hell. we know that in the various other flashbacks that crowley, in some ways correctly, dismisses hell as only being bothered about anything he does, or doesn't do, when the paperwork isn't handed in. he arguably gets a very rude awakening in 1827 when, it seems, that hell might have been keeping a closer eye on him than expected; after the events of the resurrectionists minisode, he's dragged into hell - and then in 1862 is shaken and paranoid, asking for holy water.

1862 is the first time, i think, we've actually seen him petrified - his countenance, his eye movements, his body language, even his speech pattern all suggests this. it is also, it seems, to be after 1862 that crowley becomes more and more vehement about aziraphale expressing any kind of gratitude or compliment towards him - this tracks, if he thinks hell are listening in. suffice to say, despite his cool bravado, he's been shown the measure of what hell can and will do, and understandably doesn't want a repeat.

i think it's also fair to say that aziraphale somewhat predicted this; it's one of those unfortunate ironies where - for all of the criticism shown towards aziraphale for seeing things in black and white, both in show and by the audience - this is one of the times where aziraphale was absolutely correct in his assessment of hell. it's not a hell vs heaven, good vs. evil thing, it's a "demons and angels can be as cruel as each other" thing. it only ever seems to be crowley that thinks lowly of his own 'kind' (for lack of a better term), and this has repeatedly bitten him on the arse.

we've seen this kind of behaviour though even since the pre-fall scene; crowley, both as demon and as an angel, can be very blinkered. sometimes, he'll only pay attention to what suits him, to what holds his interest or fascination, and what threatens it. we've seen it with the stars, with humanity/earth, and with aziraphale. its not, per se, that everything else has no importance, but more that he doesn't consider it worthy of his attention.

so let's go back to the 1941 scene (i promise this is going somewhere), because it seems that in the height of the trick, and the development that his and aziraphale's relationship has made, crowley has forgotten all of that.

furfur enters, and drops the somewhat bombshell that crowley and he fought together during the war. crowley, however, paid attention to the war, but evidently not to furfur. this is understandable in that context, but it's crowley again seeing to consider all of hell to be idiots, and below him; had he perhaps paid more attention, would he have realised that there are multiple demons that actually have their own personal motivations? shax for power/status, and furfur to be recognised? possibly; he'd know who the really dangerous demons are.

so we establish immediately that crowley is somewhat at a disadvantage, but still maintains the behaviour that furfur is not a threat to him.

this all mirrors the interaction between aziraphale and shax in the bentley at the beginning of the episode, in 2023; aziraphale, however, acts more appropriately, given that he has the benefit of hindsight to not underestimate what information, motivation, and power shax/hell might have. aziraphale doesn't know that she does or doesn't have proof of anything (neither of their relationship or of gabriel being in the shop), but there remains the possibility that she could - and that's dangerous, something rightly to be afraid of.

but when furfur accuses them of their fraternisation, crowley comes up with an excuse that is delivered very coolly, and almost practiced; there's no way that hell would have proof, they're not clever enough for that, and he can just deny it (especially if he has the favour of beelzebub at this point). however, unfortunately for him, furfur is actually one step ahead in that:

again, all very circumstantial... but crowley is notably very quiet. aziraphale takes control, asks where the booklet came from etc. when furfur then hands over the photograph, again, crowley is remarkably quiet as he takes it, and removes the photograph. his eye movements aren't very visible, but from what we can see they don't look especially wide or frightened. however, from the moment he can see 'evidence' written on the envelope, and can read the docket, he appears to withdraw, gulps, and very calmly hands it over to aziraphale. this to me is the very typical "...ah, fuck." kind of fear; his face is very passive, non-emotive, and you can almost feel your stomach sink along with his.

and whilst of course the scene itself calls for him to hand over the photograph so aziraphale can see it, it feels also that symbolically he's handing over control of the situation to aziraphale too; crowley has, realistically, got nothing - is coming up empty - on how they can possibly worm their way out of this one.

and the thing is that crowley continues to underestimate his fellow demon; when furfur mentions the miracle blocker, he immediately questions who the blocker was placed by, seemingly not considering that it might in fact be furfur himself (and, imo, as was heavily implied in the way furfur said the line). aziraphale however very quickly comes up with a solution and, whilst furfur is distracted, sets up the sleight of hand to hide the photo up his sleeve - with misdirection.

the bit however that really tells me about crowley's emotional state, however much he's keeping a fairly good lid on it, is the next bit; he covers his face with his hat. now, from furfur's perspective, he's just acting nonchalant and dismissive again, but to us - we know that crowley doesn't show his eyes. a combination of both how strange they are, but also how expressive they are (and therefore how vulnerable they make him). but crowley goes a step beyond, and practically covers his entire face, shielding it from furfur and the zombies.

furfur obviously goes off on his tirade, and his last parting shot is telling crowley that he'll be escorted off of earth first thing in the morning, and probably sentenced to who-knows-what... but given that he's already had his warning, so to speak, i think it would be fair to evaluate it will be rather... final. i think therefore we can interpret this emotional state as not only fear, but defeat - he's not been careful, he's underestimated hell again, and is going to be made to suffer the consequences.

the fact that then, after everyone has left him and aziraphale alone, crowley removes the shield, his hat, because he can obviously trust aziraphale with that vulnerability; take down the cool, hardened exterior. he looks - just on his face alone - so resigned, but the exhale, the way he chucks down his hat, and returns his hand to his face... well, i wouldn't say it's fear anymore, by this point, but more that he has accepted to surrender to the inevitable.

we leave them at this point, and then rejoin them in the bookshop, where crowley learns how aziraphale secreted away the damning photograph. the whole scene then turns into not only the discussion on black/white vs. the grey, but also into a bit of a joke; crowley doesn't even thank aziraphale for legitimately saving him. despite the fact that aziraphale's magic trick is literally the device used to save him, he immediately reverts back to taking the piss out of aziraphale for fluffing it when performing on command... as aziraphale said, he "got it right the time that mattered", and this just completely sails over crowley's head (or seems to, anyway).

so my conclusion personally is that whilst we can be fairly confident that crowley feels some kind of fear, it's not as palpable, in my opinion, as it was in 1862. but 1941 is an example in crowley not learning from his lesson; he has been shown that hell is (or at least, certain demons are) possibly more driven than he's previously given credit for. unfortunately this time, as far as he's concerned, his underestimation of them has led to him blowing all the chances hell has presumably given him, and just as he's gotten closer to aziraphale, he's now about to be pulled away again.

as for his behaviour in the bookshop - well. we know crowley doesn't do well with being vulnerable. i have certain thoughts that ive discussed separately on crowley's propensity towards a hero-type narrative, and in this case he literally had no way to save himself or aziraphale... and possibly doesn't want to accept that he messed up, and that aziraphale had to be the one to save them. fear may not have been very evident on crowley physically, but to me his actions and mannerisms betray just how deeply it was set.

anon beloved, i hope this went some way towards answering your question!!! of course this is only my interpretation of these two particular scenes, but always happy to discuss 1941!!!✨💕

#good omens #ask #crowley meta #1941 spec #ish #flashback meta #s2 meta

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puhpandas · 2 months

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plural anon from earlier figured id offer some info since you mentioned wanting to learn! obvious preface that im not an expert and this is just from my experience and what ive learned from others :) everyones experiences vary and im definitely not the be all end all lol

also this may get long, its a bit of an infodump! ^^;

i figured first id explain some of the stuff i said. i refer to myself as “plural” mostly, and said “plural system” as system is more often used from what ive seen, and plural offers more context to me. its honestly up to the person what they want to be referred to with. plural, plural system, plural person, just system, a collective, a group, there are probably more but those are the main ones i can think of!

also i should probably clarify, i said “pseudo-plurality” referring to the in-universe rab and vanny, as it isnt really confirmed whether that is an act put on by glitchtrap/will/mimic, or vanessa, or something, or if its actually a separate person. (i like to think of them as headmates/alters, but given that they are villains some folks dont want to which is also fair! it was very common to use the “evil alter” trope in horror so it can definitely put people on edge and rub them the wrong way. i like to explore and see this concept explored, but obviously with the headmates being actual people, not just boiled down to “ooo evil alter” for scare factor. i read a fic once where vanny was formed as a response to williams invasion and manipulation to protect vanessa, which is way more interesting to me than the evil alter trope!)

also, i should warn with the previous paragraph, if you do ever explore the idea of rab or vanny being opposition to gregory and vanessa, some people might get upset even if you are doing it well. unfortunately its the internet and theres a lot of bad rep out there and a lot of mean people. im sure you know the drill tho.

more general thing, some systems prefer to say headmates, some prefer alters, some prefer other words, some just refer to them as their friends or as the others. its dependent on the person! and the “main” person is called the host usually, or the core, typically the core ive seen used for systems who consider themselves to be “facets” of that core. my underdtanding of facets is that theyre more like branches off the host, rather than fully separate (ive seen some people use “admin” or other similar words too tho lol). the host is often said to be the “original” person, in the case of gregory and vanessa, those two would be the hosts, and rab and vanny would be alters/headmates/etc. but hosts dont HAVE to be the original person, it can change. i dont know the exacts of what makes a host a host, but from my understanding its basically a role someone has. and not every system uses roles or falls into them, for example id argue that the daycare attendant has “roles” in their system (moon takes care of naptime, sun takes care of playtime) but lacks an actual designated host, possibly because they dont really feel a need for one and just work(ed) as a unit.

on the topic of the daycare attendant, some plural folk will use a collective name or a “singletsona” (singlet just referring to a nonplural individual) of sorts. the daycare attendant has a collective name, which is, yk, “the daycare attendant” as it can refer to any/all of them. and rab sort of used gregory as a singletsona as opposed to telling his friends hes rab (sort of. he did use it as a pen name). in the same vein, there are also global pronouns, first person pronouns, and collective pronouns (these are the best ways i can simplify them lol).

global pronouns - for us anyways - are pronouns everybody can be referred to with. for us, our main global pronoun is it/its.

first person pronouns is just, how the person talks when referring to themself/themselves. i/me, us/we, and a mix of both. some systems only use plural first person pronouns when referring to the system/multiple folks in the system, some just always use we/us, some use i/me regardless, as usually it depends on the system and some stuff i havent even gone into. and for collective pronouns, its similar to the global pronoun thing, except its just the system as one entity’s pronouns. often it is the plural or singular they/them, we personally like plural and singular it/its for our system. its kinda like the bodys pronouns, which is why it can be singular to me. i hope thst made sense!

oh before i cut myself off i should probably mention switching. i dont switch out really so i cant provide much here but some systems experience amnesia/time loss/etc, some dont, but like i said i cant give you much because i dont switch out. im sure someone else can help with that ^^;

this ask is already very very long, so i wont go into other stuff like monoconscious, polyconscious, co-conscious, co-fronting, being frontstuck, sticky front, headspace/inner world, system origins(which will inevitably include system discourse thing unfortunately), headmate sources, source memories, introjects…… theres a Lot and i dont think i would even have enough characters to send an ask with everything i know

i hope this wasnt way overdoing it, i learned a lot from prior to and after i learned i was plural because i enjoy researching topics like this, and sharing the information i know is fun!

also you said you werent feeling well, hope you feel better soon!

thank you for the info anon! it helped a lot to understand more and was very insightful! I appreciate all you put into this!!

#pandas.txt #pandas asks #and thank you for the get well soon=)#pandas talks #save

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grungiiuvu · 2 months

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Hi! Previous anon here! I just rechecked ur blog and i saw u replied to me and ajsjdnkdkdn im so honored u wanna know more abt my culture😭😭😭 but before i start rambling i just wanna say im apart of two chinese clans? Cultures? Idk how to say it but i googled it and its called a province so province it is! My mom is fu jian and my dad is fu jian AND ke jia, but since my grandma's(ke jia) influence is so strong and most of my grandpa's(fu jian) relatives are 💀 i actually have an equal share of both cultures. By that i mean like, two different languages, which are thankfully just spoken, not written, and also lots of different food and pronunciations! For example, instead of hongbao, i say angbao.

Okay, so! I think one of the most prominent things i've grown up with is like, nicknames. And one thing i see is so common in tgcf fanfictions is the "A". Like: A-lian, A-qing, A-xin. Which okay, its actually used but its actually very uncommon(at least where i've grown up). Only person that uses it is my family is like, my grandpa and its to ny grandma. My grandma calls him BY NAME its actually crazy. We tend to use more double names? Idk how to say it but for example Mu Qing would be Qing Qing, Shi Qingxuan would be Xuan Xuan yk? My parents only call me by that, but the purpose of the nick names would be to mostly shorten the names becus most ppl have 3 character names. So unfortunately someone like Xie Lian(who has a 2 character name) would be refered to mostly as Xie Lian and not A-Lian or lian lian😭 And! The "A" prefix isn't only used from the last character! Sqx can also be refered to as A-qing as well as A-xuan, as well as A-qingxuan(its complicated)

For family stuff, younger siblings usually never refer to older ones by name. Like sqx would call swd ge ge, wu du ge, du gege but never outright Wudu.

And i also found out u wrote cheap villain??? I owe everything to you its so WELL WRITTEN?? AND THE PLOT?? ITS SO GOOD KIKE KSJDJD BUTTtttt one thing i've actually wondered is like accents. Like in english, ppl who speak mandarin tend to have accents! And ppl in BeiJing have a very prominent one. First time i tried talking to someone in BeiJing i had trouble understanding cus even tho we were speaking the same language it sounded so different! The tcgf donghua actually sounds a lot more similar to tawainese than like native mandarin cus it sounds so clean cut, if ykwim??? Like the pronunciation in the donghua is GOODDD and so SHARP(i may be jealous). BeiJing mandarin tends to sound more round and so I would've liked to see like, mu qing waking up in a whole new reality, starts speaking, and xie lian is like: "huh? What? Mu qing, SLOW DOWN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?" I think it would've been funny, in my opinion😭😭 (do i sound fussy again i hope this comes off as light hearted😭)

I MIGHT add more cus theres actually sm more i wanna say but im gonna leave it at here i hope it isn't TOO long😭 ur welcome ti ask me anything u want to know cus I LOVE talking abt my culture!!! Hopefully this isn't too boring for u😭

This wasnt boring at all!!! I love learning about different societies, it really fascinates me!! I'm from England and South Africa, so both my cultures are very modern western (living in the UK doesn't help) so I'm utterly at a loss with Chinese culture aside from deep-diving on the internet and doing my own research lol :')

The nickname thing is very interesting and i didn't know that!! tysm for telling me :D I know I've used it quite a bit in Cheap Villain but i feel I'm too far in to switch it up now TTvTT I don't want to seem like I'm abruptly changing things, and making the story inconsistent!

The stuff about the shi siblings is very helpful!! I shall be sure to remember that 🫡🫡

I've only recently started hearing about the accents thing, I'm afraid :')) If i had known when i first started writing Cheap Villain, I definitely would've done something about it lol! it was such a good joke opportunity missed o(TヘTo) Hopefully, I'll find somewhere to put it in, because that'd be very fun :D

I absolutely loved hearing all this!! feel free to send as many as you'd like :D I am aware I really don't know much about other cultures and I'm always happy to learn more anytime :))

Im so glad you enjoy Cheap Villain!! I've been trying my best haha

tysm anon!! :D

#anon my beloved

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maiverie · 11 months

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HI DO U HAVE ANY TIPS ON STARTING A TUMBLR BLOG? like how you format your links and everything i'm new and want to start a blog but don't know how 😭😭

hi anon!!! omg sure yes I dooo!!! when I started I didn't have anyone to help me so it was literally such a shitshow lmfao so I HOPE THIS HELPS!!

— (long post below)

disclaimer: this is all based on my experience and im sure there are other users with better tips than me so DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR GOSPEL BAHAHA

(also I'm going to assume you reached out to me because you want to start a kpop writing blog and not smth else, so all these tips are obv specific to writing blogs. I also don't know how experienced u are w Tumblr so I might say some obvious things,, sorry if you already know most of these things!!)

anyway tumblr is actually really intuitive and after about two days I honestly think you'll get it (probably even within a day tbh). here are some quick steps I feel like make sense in my mind:

find a url (if you're starting a kpop writing blog,, most people seem to include the name/a reference to their bias but in my case i kinda just went w my name and played around w it until I liked it 😭 you can also search for "url ideas" in tumblr if you're having trouble!!) keep in mind you can literally change it at any point in time so don't worry about choosing the -perfect- one

set up your blog! most of the time, people have a navigation post (the pinned post where everything is linked so readers can navigate ur blog easily), a masterlist (a post that shows everything you've ever written), a wip list (a post that lists all your works in progress, so fics you're currently writing and want to publish in the near future). additionally, people have a post about themselves (like an about me section with blog rules and stuff. this is my old old one). personally, i have a carrd right now (this is mine here) and you'll find other users have one or the other!

set up your navigation post: hyperlink honestly everyone's different (btw don't worry about taking these tips too seriously bc honestly u should do whatever you want on your blog — it's yours after all!!) but I think most people include their name, pronouns, age (sometimes), timezone (sometimes) and hyperlinks to their masterlist + wip list.

how to hyperlink im sure you've done it before for school, but it's really easy! here's a demonstration — this link will send you to my navi, and this link will send you to one of my fics! to do it, you just need to copy the link of whatever post you're trying to hyperlink (three dots in the top right of the post -> "copy link"), typesomething, double click onto the word you're trying to link it to, tap the 🔗 button, and copy the link into that! (in this example, it'd look like this: something.)

how to make ur navi neat/pretty personally, I used to just search for moodboards (on tumblr) and pick 3 photos that I really liked (obviously give credit to whoever made the moodboard!). what I have now is just something that I designed but you can have one or the other, it doesn't really matter! other tips I think I'd suggest is to keep it as simple as possible; you can embellish it later but make sure it's easy to read and people can see all the links! I really like searching for "symbols" on Tumblr, and then there are cute lil symbols u can add to your post :) or just use emojis! or dashes! this might be a little ahead, but I have a tutorial on gradient text if you really care, but maybe focus on the base first :D just as an example, my moot @.hazyyu has a really pretty navi!

apply the same principles to your masterlist + wip list + about me just search for symbols, add whatever images you think look pretty, search for "line breaks" on Tumblr and there are pictures of links you can use to divide stuff up! making a carrd is easy but time-consuming (just search on YouTube "carrd tutorial")

there are other caveats to a writing blog, but those were just the basics! here are some other things I thought I could mention:

a permanent taglist is a list of people you tag every single time you publish a story/update it (for the purpose of them being notified every time you post) — sometimes people will ask u to "add me to your permanent taglist!" which just means tag them every time you post a story. personally, I have a google form for anyone that wants to be on the permanent taglist, but I didn't do that initially — I used to just wait until people sent in an ask asking to be on it and then I'd have a separate post with everyone who did. for example, this was my old one! doesn't matter whichever approach you do ^^

people also organise their blog via the hashtags I do this too! it's so much easier that way :)) for example, every time I get an ask, I tag it with "#ask" (umm a lot of people are much more creative w their tags but personally icb lmaoo — here's an example of my friend who used a different tag and it's really pretty!). if you want help with organising your blog w tags, here's an explanation I wrote a while back!

if you want help promoting your work, you should consider joining a few networks! these are basically big big blogs that reblog all your work so more people can see ur stuff ^^ here are some of the ones I'm a part of: kflixnet, enhanet, k-labels!

you'll meet other users along the way and call them your moots; most of the time this just means you interact w them a lot via asks/dms. personally I'm not really active and I kinda find it hard to keep track of a lot of moots so I stick to myself and interact w anyone that comes my way!! but bae u can do whatever u want!! go find blogs of people that seem rlly cool and send an ask and just see where it goes; just don't badger people, be nice and I think you'll pick up on sm things naturally!!!

ur blog is gna look great!!! let me know when you finish setting it up!!! I hope this helps 😋💖

#ask #@ : anon ♡︎#vis à vis ꒰ advice ꒱ ✰#questions about

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suffarustuffaru · 6 months

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you wanna elaborate on the Heinkel-Otto parallels?

SURE THING ANON 👍👍 alright so a while back i made this reinhard-otto parallel analysis here if youre curious and wanna check that out - i also briefly go into how the suwen and astrea families have kind of sort of crossed paths? and also ottos hometown (picoutatte) is historically where ex novel drama involving wilhelm, theresia, stride, etc happened so theres that too!!

yeah so apart from the suwens and astreas having small connections in the past - regarding heinkel and otto specifically, i think the two biggest parallels are 1. the…. alcoholism……. and 2. certain. Aspects. of their personalities. im just gonna address the alcoholism first bc thats probably the most obvious parallel. (also im gonna go into arc 8 spoilers a bit btw!!)

so. i mean we all know heinkels an alcoholic - hes turned to alcoholism to deal with the Trauma Conga Line thats basically been his family history. and yeah. id say ottos an alcoholic too. when we're first introduced to otto in arc 3, hes off in a bar drinking to cope with getting into debt. in general he seems to drink often, which in story its acknowledged that yeah, hes a merchant, negotiations often include a bit of alcohol and otto knows hes gotta be able to hold his liquor - theres an arc 5 side story where he goes to find the dude he needs to restore the tome, ottos brought liquor as a gift, then they drink and thats why theres that one bit in arc 5 where otto shows up again late and hes drunk as hell lasjdfljds. but also like we get more confirmation that otto drinks to cope bc at the beginning of arc 5 after the emilia camp-ana camp meeting, hes drinking and complaining about how shitty the emilia camp's negotiation skills are to garfiel and subaru, who both act like this (otto getting drunk to deal with stress) is something that happens often. (im referring to the wn btw i dont have access to the ln hah)

(also this ask turned out very long so im putting the rest of it right under the cut)

This is what he's like when he's drunk. He's working a stressful job, so they give him his drinking time, but it might actually just encourage even more stress.

also additionally theres a few more alcohol-related things with otto. like how he gets drunk at the end of arc 4 knighting ceremony celebration - which yeah hah you can chalk up to him just you know drinking at a party to celebrate the occasion, but i swear otto 1. just keeps getting drunk on and off screen and 2. given otto is a very Anxious person, the timing of him getting drunk as hell at this party celebrating not just subarus knighthood but also like. officially marking safety - for now - and the end of all the arc 4 mindfuckery that otto got dragged into.... like the moment otto got reunited with alcohol again in arc 4 he decides to get blackout drunk akdndn. the timing is very interesting, i think. or maybe im just reading into that a bit too much hah but im 100% sure ottos an alcoholic anyway so.

(other alcohol stuff with otto includes him having to get banned from alcohol after he was bedridden bc of his arc 5 leg injuries + every time we see otto drink alcohol in canon he drinks to get drunk aidndnd. EVERY TIME.)

anyway moving on to other details. i think its interesting to look at heinkel and otto as characters and examine who they are as people and also their arcs bc 1. i do think theyre a bit similar in some ways and 2. this factors into Why their coping mechanisms are incredibly bad T^T

yeah so. heinkel as i said earlier. we all know hes dealing Badly with his familys entire trauma-filled drama. but i also think its interesting to examine him as a person in Full, and what i mean by that is - the heinkel we see in the main story is very different from the person he used to be. and we dont get a lot of content on younger heinkel specifically, but we get still get a Lot out of it. we see that he used to be a kinder person. he loved and doted on reinhard (when you have a four year old that sneaks out of the house just to see his dad bc he got worried about his dad and the moment he sees his dad he immediately goes up to him - like that shows TRUST). and heinkels given a lot of interesting descriptions in the once upon a time in lugunica side story that are very much at odds with how he is in the present day - he has a "gentle" face, "his voice and countenance was sweet", marcos explicitly tells him "It's time you stop being nice to everyone. It's because you're like this that you've been forced into a job you're not suited for." and this is also after we get the implication (?) that heinkel basically got peer pressured into being the one to ask marcos to come back and rejoin the knights.

marcos also purposefully pokes aggressively at heinkel's insecurities; you get the sense that heinkel is lonely, most likely friendless, an outcast even as hes simultaneously well known due to his family. marcos insults heinkels abilities as a swordsman, and marcos also harshly says that heinkels cocky and tries addressing marcos as if theyre friends when theyre not. "Since when were we such good pals, you and I? Surely you don't think so just because we have the same teacher? How many students does Bordeaux have? Are all of them your friends?" and heinkel tries his best but ultimately hes in the shadow of his family and hes expected to be able to keep up while also looking after reinhard and desperately trying to find a cure for his wife (who was most likely his only Equal and close companion).

but heinkel in the end always falls short of expectations. hes painfully aware of this, with the implication that its always been this way basically for the majority of his life, if not all of his life. and being an astrea and being a knight means that hes watched very closely - or at least thats what i think is the most likely case. so when you compare younger heinkel and current heinkel, you also get the sense that he eventually burned out and gave up even trying that hard at much of anything. thats why he kind of doesnt give a shit most of the time about being harsh and mean, lashing out, saying almost anything he wants, doing what he wants but also failing miserably at that 99% of the time, and also he falls deeper into his alcoholism too and doesnt care about showing this either. hes very publicly a disgrace. he knows this. hes an emotional wreck and he cant crawl out of his own failures, so why care about what other people think? why try to fix himself? its too late. hes a miserable man only driven by 1. spite towards his family and 2. trying to find a cure for his wife and 3. his own alcoholism and 4. possibly his kind of sort of care for schult (aka heinkels reinhard replacement T^T). and we see in arc 7 and 8 too that hes so depressed and tired and jaded after dealing with a lifetime of failure that he just. kind of gives up. last time we see him in arc 8 hes being dragged around by groovy and rowan and he was drinking with rowan in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.

so. what about this is similar to otto?

well, otto and heinkel both struggle with dealing with their emotions and insecurities. with heinkel thats pretty easy to see, but with otto its harder to see until you hit the really Obvious parts (arc 8). like yeah, otto gets flustered a lot, hes simultaneously sensitive but at the same time hes pretty independent, he can handle himself, he's dependable - right? but the thing with otto is that he and heinkel both have a habit of lashing out. theyre anxious. they turn to numbing behaviors to cope. theyre pushed around by external factors but at the same time theyre also reckless and do things that speed towards inevitably helping in destroying themselves. they both have friendless and lonely backstories, theyre Extremely aware about their own weakness and powerlessness especially when it comes to dangers theyre up against and especially when it comes to comparing themselves to others. they get Very angry at people they love(d), which makes them get aggressive, and for heinkel we know for sure that theres a LOT of resentment there, and for otto, the anger is Bordering on resentment if it isnt already kind of resentment at this point. theyre also haunted by their failures - with heinkel this is more obvious, but i think once you examine otto deeper hes also kind of dealing with this too.

that, and - while otto hasnt hit rock bottom like heinkel has, i think that if otto keeps going down the path hes on now, hes gonna end up hitting that rock bottom and end up having a similar fate to heinkel right now. bitter. jaded. tired. burnt out and angry and miserable. which, when you look at the ifs - yeah any otto that ends up enslaved by russell fellow ends up bitter, jaded, tired, and an empty shell of himself. and this is also, of course, assuming that the main otto permadeath flags dont happen aljsdfljsd. because if you remember otto's third trial line, it was something along the lines of "if that's the case, then you should've left me in that cave (to die)!" (correct me if im wrong) which 1. sounds like something he would say at any point in the current arc 8 otto-related conflicts and 2. my guess is that this line is referring to when otto was captured by the witch cult in arc 3 and put in a cave. otto is eventually gonna reach a point where he just goes "well you shouldve left me to die in that cave then" which. you know, its not boding well for him hah.

and yeah so. ok im gonna try and elaborate a bit more on some of what i just said about heinkel and otto hah bc its a whole list.

heinkel and otto, i think, have spent so much of their lives with factors out of their control while simultaneously making decisions that make things worse for themselves.

of course with otto, this also manifests as his bad luck - his luck is so bad that he nearly drowned as a baby in the bath, in addition to generally being clumsy his whole life. like this is "getting fucked by the universe itself" levels of bad luck. then you have the impact otto's dp left on him which leads to him having problems with socializing with others, which also leaves him friendless and also bullied growing up (see: people ostracizing him and calling him a "freak") and later he gets chased out of the town by assassins...... then he almost gets sold into slavery, gets captured by the witch cult and almost dies to them, etc...... yeah its a lot. but then you get to otto CHOOSING to save roswaal's tome and that tome being one of the demands the witch cult makes during the arc 5 siege. and then otto gets injured by ley as a punishment for this. he spends time being bedridden, having to be banned from alcohol, knowing that some of his friends are off on some dangerous mission that he cant do anything about, and also he cant be his usual workaholic self either. when we see otto again in arc 7-8, he's participating in a full fledged WAR. and he's decided to dedicate himself to opposing subaru despite being warned that he'll destroy himself doing so. otto is making Poor Decisions right now.

otto turns to micromanaging to deal with all of this, while heinkels the one whos at the point where he gives up. he cant really go on without being pushed along. he collapses to his knees in the middle of the battlefield in arc 7 and he admits out loud that he cant do this (specifically addressing louanna as he does). for otto, he's dealt with his biggest more traumatic events thatve caused the most change in him (pre-arc 3 and arcs 3-8) all crammed in the past year. for heinkel, he's been dragged through the dirt by life and his own decisions for around the past twenty years of his life. thats more than HALF of his life. hes thirty-nine, which, yeah thats older than a lot of the cast but thats only because so much of the cast is in their twenties and under. thirty-nine is not that old. especially when you remember that that means heinkel had reinhard when he was nineteen.

but again, we dont get too much content from heinkels pov directly, but theres no denying that much of the shit happening to him is also his fault. hes ultimately self-destructive and hes also pretty much destroyed his relationship with reinhard (and people like carol and grimm, judging off of how carol understandly reacts negatively to heinkel and grimm likely follows suit), which really DID NOT need to happen. yeah. all the astrea drama involving louanna falling into a coma, theresia dying, wilhelm being an Ass, reinhard being the sword saint, the astreas in general being watched and controlled by the kingdom, and general expectations from the world are all out of heinkel's control. what couldve happened, however, is that heinkel couldve done his best to be an adult and a parent to reinhard - ESPECIALLY when he still had carol and grimm to help out with that - which wouldve turned out better for both himself and reinhard. but that didnt happen.

heinkel turned on his own son and pushed everyone away. otto has similar isolating behaviors, because like heinkel, otto doesnt actually talk to anyone in a way that makes himself vulnerable. heinkel and otto arent actually close with anybody. which, again, isnt helped by the General unpleasant aspects of their personalities (anger, irritation, lashing out, etc).

its hard to see otto's isolation more than heinkel (who is very clearly hated by a bunch of people, his wife has been in a coma for ages, and basically almost no one respects him so like. OF COURSE he doesnt have anyone to confide in), but i think that it gets more clear when you look at otto closely. yeah, otto usually makes it clear when hes annoyed or irritated or angry about something, and otto does things like declare hes subarus friend or open up about his backstory to the emilia camp in various side stories - but hes never actually more vulnerable. when you look at him talk about his backstory, it doesnt feel like theres emotion attached to it - its more like "yeah this happened and this happened". its more factual. and then you remember that he doesnt actually talk about his feelings any deeper than that with Anyone. hes either got his head stuck in work, or theres the occasional "otto sneaks off and gets drunk" scene, or theres all the times where otto goes "yeah so i did this for you, subaru, but im not gonna tell you why or anything" or "yeah i will totally leave at the first sign of danger", or otto only lets himself be a tiny bit vulnerable at a time. like when he tells subaru that theyre friends, or when he reunites with subaru in arc 8 and takes the time to sneak into the room just to quickly say that hes glad that subarus back and to not worry that much. but its absolutely more focused on other people, namely subaru, and not otto. his problem in arc 8 is that hes keeping all his feelings to himself because its all connected to all his other secrets (his arc 8 plans). hes open about being pissed off about staying in vollachia, but its more so "this is a dumb decision and puts us in danger, the more logical route would be to leave" and less "im afraid that we might get hurt the longer we stay here and its making me anxious and angry". he doesnt ACTUALLY talk to anyone in depth about whatever the hell his issues are (roswaal doesnt count bc otto just brushes off roswaal's warnings), he just insists on dealing with it himself like he does with almost anything. his tsundere habits are normally played for laughs, and yeah it IS amusing. but no completely well-adjusted person deals with intimacy by getting all pissy like otto does. why did he see subaru in the forest in arc 4 and immediately jump to punching subaru and giving a "this is why you suck, but also please just let me help you" speech?

and when it comes to like - complicated issues regarding Relationships, you look over at heinkel too and heinkel still misses reinhard. heinkel wouldnt need to use schult as a reinhard replacement if heinkel didnt actually miss reinhard deep down. theres like a love-hate dynamic there when it comes to heinkel and reinhard - heinkel hates reinhard the sword saint. but heinkel misses his son, which is interesting because schult Conveniently looks and acts like how a younger reinhard would, right? heinkel and little kid reinhard was most likely the last time heinkel was ever happy, judging off of the trajectory of heinkels life so far. reinhard is the last person that heinkel has left, and reinhards near silence when hes anywhere near heinkel says so much because there USED to be love there. but heinkel very much obviously resents reinhard now because after reinhard kills theresia in arc 5, heinkel VOWS to make reinhards life a living hell.

its kind of like a version of otto deciding to oppose subaru but to a Much Further extent, because otto doesnt hate subaru. but otto hates subaru's actions in arc 8 because it puts subaru in danger. but again, ottos playing with fire here because the ottosuba conflict is pitting them against each other and Resentment and Anger are gonna come out of that. and i think that otto misses subaru, because the arc 8 conflict is drifting them further apart more than ever. ottos afraid to lose subaru, so hes been going to extremes to not lose subaru. heinkel, i think, thinks that hes Already lost the reinhard that he loved. so turning to schult + getting rid of the current reinhard is the next best thing. otto is still clinging onto subaru with all his might, basically. which ironically is what heinkel was doing with reinhard - especially with Everything going on with the astreas - until that switch from "reinhard is my son and he wouldnt kill his grandmother" to "this is all reinhard's fault" happened somewhere around when reinhard was five or so. that switch wasnt instant. you dont go from loving to hating someone in an instant in most cases, and we know that heinkel defended reinhard from wilhelm at first. this change was gradual, the cracks just started then.

we're seeing these cracks happen with ottosuba, because subaru is ottos closest relationship. theres something to be said too, about the slight parallel between heinkel-louanna and otto-subaru in the sense that i think that theres a very likely chance that heinkel knows that even if louanna wakes up, she most likely wont like him anymore. and theres no way that heinkel doesnt know that things wont be the same anymore with her anyway because she was frozen in time. shes twenty years old. the same age as their son. shes missed Way Too Much, and if she even still remembers anyone, shes absolutely not going to approve of heinkel being an absolute asshole. and i think heinkel hates himself too much NOT to notice - at least a little bit - this. that louanna might just end up hating him in the end. but heinkels one redeeming quality now is that hes still dedicated to his wife all these years later. hes been trying to find a cure for her since he was twenty one years old. theres a side story where we see him in the present tracking down a possible lead and being absolutely devastated AGAIN that the lead was a dead end and theres still no cure. and this is with the possibility that heinkel knows that louanna might end up hating him when she wakes up anyway.

and otto, with all of his intelligence and how much time he devotes to doing things behind subaru's back, most likely knows that subaru will end up angry and devastated and might even hate otto if he ever finds out about ottos plans regarding louis/spica. like imagine being subaru and you find out that otto, someone you very deeply trust, has been keeping secrets so that your DAUGHTER dies. like this is relationship ruining shit, and theres no way that otto doesnt know that. otto knows that subaru cares about her. otto knows all about subarus love for others and his self-sacrificial tendencies. thats why ottos keeping all these secrets - he knows subaru wouldnt approve and he does it anyway. i know i love to joke about how otto is basically hitting subaru with a car and then trying to nurse him back to health like a baby bird but that is quite LITERALLY what otto is trying to do.

also regarding otto and heinkel being insecure about their weaknesses: heinkel is clear with this - the dude has been scrutinized by everyone for at least the past twenty years, AND everyone else in his family from theresia to wilhelm to reinhard is more powerful and capable than he is. this is also not helped by heinkels alcoholism, general mental instability, and reoccurring failures - failing to measure up to expectations, failing to find a cure for louanna, theresia almost killing him in arc 5 and then being killed by reinhard in front of him, and the first time theresia died was because she went on the white whale mission in heinkels stead because he was too afraid to go on it and KNEW that he wasnt fit for that mission. AND THEN reinhard got her sword saint dp. heinkel has dealt with a lot of failure in his life. it made him bitter and harsh but its worn him down. otto is the one whos gotten Sharper because of his own failures.

with otto, we dont see much insecurity about his powerlessness UNTIL arc 8 is extremely straightforward about it with "walking in light/darkness". otto compares himself to julius, emilia, subaru, and says that they walk in the light while he walks in the dark. its honestly sad to see - this is otto acknowledging that he CANT be as good as julius, emilia, and subaru. otto straight up lists their good traits - their idealism, their determination, their ability to see the good in things and try their absolute best at that - and otto says that he cant do it. otto acknowledges that hes basically useless compared to them unless he resigns himself to the "darkness" - so he takes up being an enemy, essentially, to subaru as his reason to live on. its quite frankly depressing and self-destructive. hes going "i cant be good like them, so why try? i'll go another path even if it kills me" which i think is a sentiment heinkel can relate to.

but heinkel and otto think that theres no other option than what they are Now when thats clearly not the case. and they need to see that theres Other Ways to go about their lives. theres no need to stay in the darkness forever, which is the key problems they need to deal with at the moment.

and one last quick note - yeah, heinkel and otto are the black sheep of their family. of course, the suwens have an actual healthy family dynamic while the astreas are a whole mess of generational trauma, but otto notes that hes lead to a lot of trouble for his family. iirc in the arc 4 wn he calls himself a burden on them too and how he'd like to pay them back for all the years they looked after him despite all the trouble he brought (you know, regarding ottos dp, that one time he caused a bug swarm in the town, being chased out by assassins, etc). otto is basically the unwitting "trouble child" of the family. this is a fact that also increases when you remember the ifs - in every if, either otto ends up dead, sold into slavery, or hes main otto whos stuck in the middle of a war right now and is willing to get his hands dirty. otto is known to his whole family as someone who gets into trouble, and they all worry about him but purposefully make a point to not think about him too much or theyll get anxious thinking about wtf hes even doing.

meanwhile heinkel is a black sheep with his own family in the sense that 1. this is even reflected in his character design with the sheer amount of black and brown hes wearing - just take a look at his design compared to the rest of his family and 2. hes way weaker compared to everyone else (not counting louanna) and 3. hes distant from all of them. wilhelm, theresia, reinhard. regarding wilhelm and theresia - we dont know much about their parenting when it comes to heinkel, but its interesting to note that it seems that even before everything went Wrong, it may have been a bit distant. when theresia tells wilhelm that heinkel cant go on the white whale mission, wilhelm calls heinkel a coward. i know that like all these characters are thinking with Medieval Logic, but its still a Cold thing to say. if heinkels not ready for that mission, then hes going to fucking die on that mission, which doesnt seem to occur to wilhelm. like yeah, theresias sworn off sword sainting and its a whole Thing that shes got trauma about. but theresia the sword saint logically wouldnt have died on that mission if it wasnt for pandora + losing her dp suddenly. heinkel on the other hand most likely wouldve died if he went on that mission.

and post-Everything Going Wrong in the Astrea Family, in arc 5, theresia is dying again and her last words are ONLY for wilhelm. she has more than enough time in her last moments to spare AT LEAST a quick "love you" for reinhard or heinkel but she doesnt. she has nothing to say to her son and grandson, and heinkel notes that theresia looked hatefully at him and reinhard. heinkel specifically says something along the lines of "who else could that have been but mother?" after noting how she looked at him too. yeah, heinkels an unreliable narrator who thinks that everyone around him hates him just like he hates himself (see: his narration in arc 7 thinking that another character is looking at him angrily when that character from their pov just Pities him). but at the same time - theresia not having anything left to say to her son and grandson is not a good look. and wilhelm deciding to turn his back on five year old reinhard, and most likely heinkel for trying to defend reinhard at the time, is not a good look either. this is also not helped by heinkel again being very Publicly an absolute wreck, so of course no one respects him.

so yeah uh. tldr: heinkel is an extreme version of ottos worst traits in a lot of ways and otto is just the one thats a little better at looking put together while heinkels so damn tired hes given that up a long time ago. and if otto keeps trying to do questionable shit hes gonna end up miserable in a very heinkel-like way. they are both pretty sad and pathetic and also in desperate need of psychiatric help <3 also they need to ACTUALLY address their core issues and feelings or they are going to keep being fucked in that darkness forever for sure.

#tldr is that i think heinkel would be like 'god this kid is such a conniving little asshole' and otto would be like 'i think i would rather #die than end up like that stinky old man' while enviously eyeing heinkels alcohol. theyd rip each others heads off #also side note about heinkel and rowan - rowan is like the one person who would understand current heinkel as he is now. probably. which #is why they end up drinking together and heinkel just lets rowan drag him around aljfljsdf #rezero #heinkel astrea #otto suwen #ask #i think i made a post a while back about a fic idea i had with reinhard-otto-heinkel. yeah itd be hilarious putting them in a room #together for sure. absolute worst combo of all time #arc 5-8 spoilers #also i think i forgor to go a little deeper into it bc theres already so much in this but. regarding the alcoholism like otto and heinkel #have u know. all those failures all those Unlucky events all the self destruction and also no one to talk to so. alcohol is right there #for them. theyre avoidant people in their own ways - both similar and different - so of course they go to avoiding their problems via #alcohol. esp when theyre both very emotionally turbulent people so Numbing it is!!! T^T they need rehab too lbr.

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genderkoolaid · 2 years

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hi it's physical issues/disability question anon again

so i was wondering if u knew any sorta... pain-reducing tactics? cause some days, if i stand in place for longer than like 2 or 3 minutes my legs and back start to hurt really bad. (i was at the store today with my mom even and i wanted to cry bc my ankles, legs, and back all hurt really bad and i couldn't sit down anywhere) its not all the time but when it does happen it sucks

im not physically disabled, my mom says the pain is bc i never run around/do sports so im lazy, and im only 14 so i guess there's not really a reason for me to be feeling it other than that. but regardless of the reason it still hurts and i was kinda hoping that bc you ARE disabled you might know a thing or two about making life suck less in that department? google's not helpful it's just bringing up, like, "here's what it might mean if you feel X" articles with a bunch of long words i don't know.

thanks in advance and sorry if this is a weird question, have a nice day

Okay first of all, this ask totally triggered my "protective older sibling" response, so anon uhh consider yourself adopted now.

So, before I get to my advice for managing pain, I just want to cover what your mom said. I was actually a similar age when my chronic pain started (a bit younger, I think), and I actually was told something very similar from my then-therapist. I was told that I probably wasn’t getting enough exercise, and that was the reason my legs hurt. Which, uh. Wasn’t the reason. At all. In fact, while I’m not a doctor, I don’t even think that’s how chronic pain works. Older people can get pain from not getting enough exercise, but unless you’ve completely stopped walking altogether? You should not be dealing with chronic pain as a 14 year old. It took me a long time to learn this, but you shouldn’t be feeling any chronic pain. The reason why people complain so much about aches and pains as they age is because when you are young, you are supposed to not feel any pain! Just, like, none! I spent a long ass time thinking “maybe I’m not even disabled, I’m not in that much pain,” when the amount of pain I should have been in was 0. Again, I am not a doctor, but I sincerely doubt that “not running around enough” is the cause of your pain (especially if, like me, you are doing phys ed and/or walking to or from school, in which… that is exercise.)

Additionally, while I can’t tell you how to identify, chronic pain is one of the biggest reasons behind physical disability. You can totally refer to yourself as physically disabled, because there is something physically happening to you which is causing you to suffer and be unable to do things (stand in place, for example). Even if it doesn’t happen all the time, it’s still a disability which impacts your life. Abled children do not have chronic pain, even only on some days. I’d recommend looking into things like fibromyalgia (one of the things I have), juvenile arthritis (what my friend has), and specifically people’s experiences just to see how you relate. It doesn’t mean you for sure have any one disorder, but it could be helpful – you can try checking out tags like #cripplepunk, #spoonie, #actuallydisabled, and #chronically ill. If you can convince your mother to let you see a doctor for the pain, I would. It took me a few years to get my parents to do it and a few more to get diagnosed, and it was largely because of my insistence that something was wrong that I got diagnosed at all. Self-advocacy is a huge skill that disabled people need to develop to be heard and get the help we need, and unfortunately when you are young that can involve having to advocate for yourself to doctors and parents (which, btw, you are totally allowed to be mad about. It took me years to realize I deserved to be pissed off that nobody listened to me).

Now, onto your actual question lmao. Here are some ways I manage my own chronic pain, but if anyone else has ideas please feel free to add them!

Pain medication. Honestly, OTC (over the counter, i.e ibuprofen, tylenol/paracetamol) pain meds are kind of hit or miss for me, but it’s still worth taking them to see how you react to them. If they work, good! You have something that helps! And if they don’t, you can bring that up to your doctors to help them get a better understanding of what’s going on.

Heating pads. I practically carry a heating pad around the house with me, I find them heat to be very helpful with my pain. You can buy them most drug stores or online, but you can also make one at home (my friend taught me to make one by filling a sock with pinto beans and heating it in the microwave. Although I have 0 idea how safe that technically is, but it worked p well for me).

Stretching. I don’t mean this in a “yoga will fix all your issues” way, but doing some stretches could help with your pain. Specifically try looking up stretches for the elderly, because those are generally designed for people with chronic pain and mobility issues. Stiff joints really do not help with chronic pain, so stretching + heating pads can be really helpful for a lot of people.

Weed. Now, you are 14 so I’m not just gonna tell you to go smoke some weed, but a LOT of chronically ill people use weed to treat their pain, including myself, so I feel like it’d be kind of stupid not to mention it as a possibility. Honestly one of the only things that actually takes away my pain temporarily is this CBD cream called Relef, although I’m not sure how easily you could get that or something like it (especially if you don’t live in a place where it’s legal). But I felt I should still put it out there as something which can help with chronic pain, if for no other reason than you may still have pain when you are older and can more easily access THC/CBD products.

Sitting down. For real, just stop standing. There’s a post I’ve seen talking about how if you have issues with standing for periods of time, you can literally just… sit! You may get weird looks in public, but if you need to, sit down, even just straight up on the floor of the store. Ask for a chair if you can, or find somewhere to rest for a little, especially if you’ve been in pain for a while. Or at least lean against something to take the weight off at least one of your legs, if you can’t sit. I’ve been in situations in which I was forced to stand in one place for a while, because my abled family didn’t want to leave an event, and it was absolutely fucking hellish, so I really feel your pain with that – even resting for a little bit can be helpful to make it through until you can sit down for real.

Mobility aids. Again, I’m not sure how easy you could access or use one being a minor with a possibly unaccepting parent, but getting a cane (and later a wheelchair) has been a massive help for me. You can buy canes online and at drug/convenience stores, including ones that fold up. There are also walkers which can also serve as a portable chair. A lot of people worry that they aren’t “disabled enough” to use a mobility aid, and that’s bullshit. If you think it might help, and you have the chance to use one, use it. Plus, you can put sick designs on your mobility aids, which can be really fun to play with. If you live in a place that gets icy there are also things you can put on the bottoms of canes which prevent them from slipping on ice.

Ultimately, I just hope that you put yourself first and don’t let any adults make you feel like your issues aren’t serious or real. Being young and realizing you might have a disability can be scary enough, and when you have people older than you insisting it’s “just X,” or that you are overreacting, it can feel really embarrassing to think of yourself as disabled or keep trying to get help. But you deserve to be listened to, you deserve help, even if it was “just not getting enough exercise”. I spent far too much of my childhood feeling ashamed of being in pain, desperate for someone to listen to me, and I don’t want anyone else to have to go through that if I can help it. If you have any other questions or even just want to vent, please feel free to shoot me another ask.

#m.#ask box #long post #anon i saw ''you arent getting enough exercise'' and my vision went red lmao #your experiences mirror mine in several ways. best of luck to you <3

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sonwar · 11 months

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hello!! i would like to first preface that i'm a fan of your writing (ao3 user sonwar) from your kpop works (namely the seokhoon (seventeen) titled 'do you know my heart? (i can't be without you)' in 2020. and if i remembered you wrongly, and you have in fact never heard of this fic or the kpop group before please feel free to delete this ask i apologise deeply aaaaa (whoops ahahaaa im sorry if that's the case)

today. as one does, i was thinking of this fic: its definitely one of the bigger fics the seokhoon tag has seen, and also one of those fics which leave a kind of Impact. even as i ponder seokhoon today as a writer myself, i find so many of the symbols and metaphors i use in my writing to have come from that fic. (if you remember) the ideas of jihoon admiring seokmin's singing & calling him the best singer—i took that and i turned it into a kind of how jihoon's music has been made real vs seokmin's which comes more as instinct—and jihoon, who is in awe of this. and of course seokmin thinking about jihoon all the time—that's something that i genuinely hold so close to my heart. it's so sweet and just soooo seokmin. aaaaaa

your writing there has such a tender and sweet quality to it that ive been striving to achieve—emotion comes across in a way that is. muted (i mean this positively). i feel comfortable reading it because it never feels shocking everything just feels so natural. those 33k words are a source of comfort. i love and value growth in characters/the progression of time in fic, and oh man!!!! you really show the emotional growth of seokhoon so incredibly well in that fic. its so good to me. it feels so alive because of the references you made but also because of how you wrote them. to create life!!! it's so incredible because. its all just so rich and perfect and good and i'm so grateful that ive been able to read this and have it affect me on such a level. my comment on that fic does nothing to live up to what i actually thought of it and now even if i cant convey my appreciation on the fic comments itself, i tried to find another way to reach out to you (hence, this lengthy anon ask)

feel free to ignore this/not reply!!! i understand that you've orphaned the seokhoons for a reason but in a way i just really wanted to let you know that your writing has made me feel so much. and for that! i am so grateful!! thank you again and so much for all of it.

hi anon! you have me right, i am responsible for do you know my heart (as well as "when i'm with you i bloom" and "i'm dying to be taken apart" in case you were looking for me...) i had sort of decided i was going to keep my kpop fandom side off tumblr, since i have found it to be sort of unwelcoming towards kpop, for whatever reason? but your message was so touching i'm throwing that out the window and doing whatever i want anyway! (more under the cut <3)

Letting you know off the bat that your message made me! incredibly emotional and teary eyed! Thank you very much for your kind words, you really can't know how much it means to me, and I'm so glad you reached out to me this way as well! I genuinely got so excited when I read your ask, I'm always happy to talk fics and even more happy to talk seokhoon, as I don't have many people to discuss them with! So thank you! The reason why I orphaned my old fics is...probably a lot more simple than what you might be thinking? The truth is, after posting those three seokhoon fics (which I wrote in pretty quick succession to each other), I went about two years without writing anything at all because I didn't have the bandwidth for it, and then I wrote The Mystery of The Pears in some kind of fugue state over the course of a couple months, and when I read that back to myself I felt that my writing had grown so much, I didn't really want that writing to be associated with my writing of a few years ago. But, to be honest, I re-read my Seokhoon fics again a few weeks ago and found that I enjoyed them much more than I thought I would, and much more than I did when I first wrote them, so I wonder if it's less that my writing has grown and maybe more that I've learned to be kinder towards myself...that'll teach me to orphan fics without completely thinking it through first, I guess. (that being said! i'd like you to know i am still planning on writing more seokhoon! seventeen is very near and dear to my heart, like. i really can't put into words the love i have for those boys, which is to say that i'll probably be a carat for as long as they're seventeen, and maybe even a little longer than that. plus, i feel personally tasked with bringing more seokhoon into the world, so, you know. currently, i'm really trying to finish a seokhoon fic i promised a friend MONTHS ago, even before tmotp was finished, and then i have about...3? seokhoon wips i've started and would like to finish? whether they all get done is to be seen, but hopefully!) Anyway...I have to say, I really love the way you took my little headcanon about Jihoon admiring Seokmin's singing and devolped it further! It's something I think a lot about, too, I think it's so interesting that, objectively, Seokmin has a much wider range and capacity as a singer, but that ever since Jihoon was a trainee he's been told he "already knows how to sing" and "doesn't need singing lessons." It makes me wonder how Jihoon approaches singing, if it's something that he considers more physical, like a muscle that he can control, rather than something emotional, which I think might be closer to how Seokmin approaches singing. I mention this because, considering that Jihoon is also the one making guides for the others to follow and the one directing them in the recording booth, I'm a litte curious about how those different approaches meet together in a more practical way, if that makes sense. I do still think it's something Jihoon would admire and think about a lot if only because it would be so different from his own approach. I also have some theories about certain songs in their discography being written specifically for Seokmin's voice (Same Dream Same Mind Same Night immediately comes to mind, I really think out of all their songs, that's the one that showcases the style Seokmin's voice is suited to the most and he really shines on that song...)

I am of the belief that Seokmin would have been watching Jihoon a lot longer than Jihoon would have been watching him...something about admiration that shifts and changes the closer you get to it...And I don't think Seokmin knows how to not take care of people, it's just who he is, but I also think that feeling is heightened a little bit with Jihoon specifically, who takes on a lot of responsibility without ever complaining about it, and who describes himself as someone who deals with things on his own. I think (and I've seen him) he would try to find ways to make things easier for Jihoon without him having to ask for it first, so that's where that comes from. I think muted is one of the sweetest ways anyone has described the way I write emotions. I like the idea of emotions that come easily and gradually, like. Slow drip love rather than sudden and all-consuming (and, that way, when trying to convey something that is bigger and overwhelming, it's easier to contrast those two emotions against each other), so thank you very much for that. I also think it's very funny you mention the way I wrote the progression of Seokhoon in that fic because, while I find your words incredibly kind and I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it, and I can still sort of see why I wrote that fic the way I did, I do sometimes consider sort of re-writing a different version of that fic because I'm so sure I could do it better now...nowadays, I think the timeline would be a little different? Idk. Something for future me to consider... Anyway! Thank you, again, for such a lovely ask, I really am so very thankful, and I'm so glad you enjoyed my Seokhoon. Please feel free to message me whenever you'd like! (I'm also on twt! I only use tumblr on browser so I only log on when I'm using my laptop, but I'm a lot more active on twt.) Also, if you ever post your fics or already have, please let me know! I'd love to read them, and I'm always looking for more Seokhoon fics, since there's so very little of them to go around, as I'm sure you know...

#rowan's inbox #anon #my fic #my fic: do you know my heart? (i can't be without you)#seokhoon #seventeen #svt #once again i prattled on and on because no one's ever taught me to shut up #especially not about seokhoon my twt is a mess of seokhoon threads...anyway.

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nooradeservedbetter · 11 months

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I know you write bl but please do not defend Emma. She is known in our fandom as a transphobic asshole. She has been openly transphobic to harries and larries because they think Harry MIGHT be trans. She is also homophobic with how she as a cis het white woman thinks she has more say in how a gay fandom needs to operate. There are years worth of receipts of this. She harassed my friend because they tagged Harry as a princess on their own blog and tried to call them homophobic for doing so. Im mutuals with authors who had to drop out of the bl fest for personal reasons, and then Emma and her friends started harassing them for joining a non bl fest months later. You should see how former blouie authors are treated by her after they dont write exclusively bl fics anymore. The reason BLP is not well liked in fandom is because of her. There is literally a top Harry fic fest run by an actual trans person and much more supported by larries. Louis bottoming isn't the issue. For years blouies have made that their only personality and harassed and sent so many larries death threats (me included) because we blog on our own blogs about Harry wanting to be pregnant or singing about sucking dick or anything that doesn't make him "a top". Blouies have ruined themselves for their entire fandom and that anon is a perfect example of how they are.

Whew anon.

Okay, thank you for the ask and the respectful tone, I will try to maintain a respectful tone right back.

I don't exclusively write bl, I like to think I write fics where Louis gets taken care of one way or another. By bottoming, by subbing, by being cuddled; rn I have 2 smut fics, both of them sub Louis, one of them is them being vers (i.e. penetrating each other), the other *can* be considered bl, I did tag it as such, but the only penetration that happens is two lines of cockwarming. My current unpublished fics and ideas are:

The a/b/o fic fest that is Omega Louis/bl but has references to bh;

Exploring the idea of topping from the bottom: i have a petplay sub Harry fic that's half-written, currently plotting a vaguely Dom transrry fic. First one will be Dom!bl, second one Dom!bh. Might have a third one, but I still haven't decided;

The blff, I mean that's the name of;

The 1d fantasy fic fest that will be both vers and switch but it's darkfic so I don't think that's a great example to have here tbh lmao.

Okay, that said.

I did have run-ins with Emma back in the day; idk if you were there in 2015/16, but I have a whole tag where I actively fought people on Harry's possible gender identity, together with Angela and Jay (godspeed to both of them, they're much happier now believe me). It's been 8 years, I don't know what Emma is doing right now, besides managing the blff, and I don't know how she changed in eight years; eight years ago I was a staunch anarchist, and look at me now. You can come off anon and send me anything you might see fit, that would actually be great, and it would give me something to operate on. And on that point, I don't--think? That telling someone "hey yo instead of sending anon hate go and support the people who write/rec the fics you wanna read" is defending anyone? But it's understandable that if she's currently harassing people, that's a knee-jerk reaction.

Then to address your points about Louis bottoming... Again, I'm not sure, like. Feels a bit like you're barking at the wrong tree? One of my favourite smut authors is devilinmybrain (oh my god that 5+1 gross-hot fic nnnn) and I read, and to some extent write, quite happily everything as long as it's good. Like, both of them canonically have a prostate. It's a shame if they never use it. And Harry being feminine has nothing to do with Harry bottoming (or topping ;) of course), but this is something that needs its own post to be expanded.

With that long-ass rant in that post I wanted to make another point, and that point was directed to some of the reblogs, and that point was: stop wokeifying the gay community, because you--general you--will have a stroke if you ever go to a gay bar one day.

I won't reiterate the stuff I said there, but that should have been the main takeaway, not that I prefer writing bl or bh. I don't consider myself a blouie, by virtue of the fact that not only I read and write whatever, but also because I genuinely don't agree with a lot of the, like, ideological stances. On smut. I could talk about what hardcore bl/sh do and say probably all day, and Raf/Niv know what I'm talking about because they're usually the ones I fill with audios, but this post is already really long.

#i will say here in the tags because this is so besides the main point that it's on saturn #i used to get anon hate because i was considered a bh back in the day #which again i wasn't #since for me it's about who gets taken care of #which has little to do with penetration imho #but anyways #the reason why i switched from harry being taken care of to louis being taken care of #which is something that i did and can admit without any problem #is something i already talked about in tags here a couple times: harry changed mgmt and suddenly his gender defiance is part of the product #part of HARRY STYLES TM to sell the public #and that. honestly. sorry. i cannot connect with him anymore after that #again this one warrants his own post #but eh wanted to say it #anon!#replies #1d #the top/bottom debate

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polycharismas · 1 month

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ok fully /gen here i know nothing about charisma house. All i know is that "oh. polycharismas likes that." and nothing more. it is like Naruto to me in that way ig

please tell me what the fuck goes on in the Charisma House

THANKS FOR REFERRING TO ME AS POLYCHARISMAS MY DEAREST ANON i should add that to my list of names . OKAY . CHARISMA HOUSE ALL ENDINGS EXPLAINED + EASTER EGGS BELOW

CHARISMA HOUSE media project created by evil line records aka the same people that created Hypmic And if you know hypmic you would know it SUCKS ASS and unfortunately charisma house sucks one thousand million times more ass than hypmic . you are in for a ride anon .

it follows the epic stories of these 7 guys that fucking SUCK and thats why no one likes them so they just went and started living together because once again . they suck . the aspects of them that fucking suck are their "charismas" its like if your worst traits had a name Its like personality disorders to me i aint even gonna lie . anyways . sometimes when they get So Charisma ! they have a magical girl transformation and put on their slutty ass outfits and then they sing and then they collapse . its hilarious . this is essential to the plot in season two btw . its funny as hell to me also . anyways HERE ARE THE SEVEN IDIOTS THAT RUINED MY LIFE BEYOND REPAIR

starting off with fumiya ito the guy that brought them all together in the first place . he is the charisma of good and evil . take a good look at him first before i explain anything . doesnt he look so normal . on his little chair . sitting there . well thats because hes a master of PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATION AND HES ACTUALLY SICK IN THE HEAD or at least thats what everyone else in the house thinks . no one knows for sure . not even us as the audience . the funny thing about fumiya is that you never quite know what goes on in his mind . you never know if its completely absolutely empty or full of neverending thoughts of violence and crime . thats the scary thing about him . his sense of morals is also completely fucked . when he wants something he will do anything to get it . when anyone else questions him he will either put up these complicated schemes of like actual manipulation to get them on his side or be completely clueless . but you never know for sure if hes actually clueless . fumiya ito is a mystery of a man . also he likes sweets and candy and cakes and stuff . hes so funny to me i think hes autistic

this is kei sarukawa . hes the charisma of rebel . what is he rebelling against well The Entire World . one day he went IM GONNA BE A BITCH FOREVER and then he did . he was a bitch forever . you can never ask anything from him because he immediately either does the complete opposite or just outright refuses . whichever causes more problems for you . he applies that logic to almost everything in his life and it always gets on everyone else's nerves . he also gets into street fights and gang fights a lot and hes always losing those because hes kind of a loser . he's lowkey so tsundere also but hes a grown ass man and not an anime girl . he is to me though . hes childhood friends with one other guy from the house btw Look forward to that ! if you notice i didnt say much about him thats because his character arc throughout the series is lowkey beautiful and you just have to see that for yourself . hes not what he looks like on the outside i can say that for sure .

this is rikai kusanagi . self proclaimed most normal ever forever but errrm no . hes the charisma of order . you would Think someone like this would be a valuable addition to the house . after all we just went through a man with a possible criminal record and whatever the fuck saru has going on but unfortunately . hes no better . perhaps he might be worse . in rikai's ever eternal pursuit of complete and absolute order hes basically annoying as fuck . no one can oppose him or he'll go insane . no one can go against what he says or once again he'll go insane . he's always carrying this stupid fucking whistle that everyone hates because hes always using it for every little thing he might find wrong . hes always looking for everyone else to praise his contributions to the house but much to his dismay everyone else finds it . well . annoying . even then that doesnt stop him from going on and on about how great he is . hes so sucks and so loser despite that though . hes scared shitless of romance as an example it's like the one thing that can totally make him go coo-coo . once again his whole thing isnt as fledged out but you can still put the pieces together and know theres a lot more going on with him . thats for YOU to find out because i refuse to give this series and these characters any credit when presenting it to other people .

oh this is one of my favorites to talk about (if you know me . well . heh . yeah .) THIS IS IORI MOTOHASHI ! remember when i said saru had a childhood friend well THIS IS HIM!!!!! the funny thing about that relationship is that hes the complete polar opposite of saru . hes the charisma of Obedience . he does the chores he does the cooking He Serves The House . that may sound nice at first but by now you should realize there's a catch . hes actually completely absolutely obsessed with serving others . to an unhealthy degree . to a creepy degree . his desire to be useful goes above and beyond . he made everyone (except one .) sign a slave contract . yes you heard that right thats just something he does . when anyone in the house decides to do anything without his help he gets so fucking mad . even if its some really small chore he will fight to do it himself . he also . carries a . collar . like . like a dog . uhm . yeah . hes crazy coo-coo . he believes completely that there's no other use to his life than being a tool for others to use so Thats What He Does ! yeah ! once again . theres a lot more to him than meets the eye If i talk any more i will start going on a full analysis on everything about him and why he makes me insane but ill not do that . Moving on !

this . shivers . this is ohse minato . remember how there was One person that hadn't signed iori's slave contract well This Is Him ! hes the charisma of internal punishment . if that doesn't sound concerning enough well HERES THE VERY FIRST THING ON HIS WIKI PAGE !

🙂 . thats it . thats his whole thing Hes deeply depressed . he barely gets out of his room like at all and when he does he puts a plastic bag on his head because he doesnt think anyone would even bare looking at his face . yeah hes crazy . even if you successfully manage to make him happy he immediately attempts to kill himself . because at least he wants to go while experiencing happiness . Yeah . despite all of this he has a lot more . hes really good at art and crafts which is unfortunately an ability he barely puts to use . notice how im saying even less about him Thats because he actually destroys me . hes like the one character the series treats even a Bit seriously sometimes and those moments Hit . i could once again go on a full analysis on why hes so sucks and why he destroyed my life beyond repair but . im not doing that No One would hear the end of it . MOVING ON !

this is terra . that's his whole name yeah i doubt its even his real one . hes the charisma of self-love . that . might sound like a good thing . oh he has good self esteem Great ! well No . it goes much more beyond that hes completely Obsessed with himself . he looks into the mirror for two hours every single day . he also has like a bajillion mirrors in his room He cant get enough of his appearance . everyone else finds it annoying as fuck . if you once again notice im saying a lot less thats because SPECIALLY HERE the contrast with how im describing him and the amount of stuff hidden beneath the surface is like crazy . hes also like transgender coded . or weird gender coded . its so fucking awesome to be quite honest . once again you should just see it for yourself

and . sigh . amahiko tendo . hes the charisma of sex . straight up . no innuendo no nothing It's just sex . sexo . hes a fucking freak basically but not in the ways most animes go about it which is really interesting . hes the self proclaimed World Sexy Ambassador FUCK IF I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS NO ONE ELSE KNOWS which means hes spreading Sexiness (?) around the world . almost everything is sexy to him . hes weird about it . he finds everyone in the house sexy and hes a huge freak about it and that's why no one likes him . this is also one of those Theres more hidden beneath the surface cases . hes so interesting as a character which is hilarious because its the literal sex guy .

the funniest thing about charisma house is realizing that all of these people have so much more outside of these traits and that they are actually People . which turns this series from silly to absolutely soul crushing sometimes . which is once again hilarious to me . its something truly worth experiencing for yourself .

theres also side characters except some of them are Not so side characters like the two main villains from season two but thats something for another time because No Spoilers ! if you plan getting into it be careful the first charisma break of rikai fucking sucks it has . really uncomfortable n*zi imagery unfortunately . but thats really the only case something like that happens so Yay ! just avoid the end of drama track 27 and you should be alright since you arent missing out on much . aside from that uhm Fuck idk ! help me ! how do i finish this ! aa !

#the horrors got to me while writing this uhm we stay sillt #silly . fuck #thanks for asking anon i love explaining about my idiots

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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Longwinded Anon (LWA)✨ gets their own special hotlink and dedicated masterpost✨mainly because im fed up of searching through my whole entire blog when i need to refer back to their asks:

oldest ones first:

ahhh, the first ever LWA ask, a golden post. i remember it fondly. my response as you can probably tell was just sheer incredulity that was sent to me, instant brain crush. anyway, talks about the influence of politico-moral dynamics on GO and how this extends to how we perceive crowley. i promise my responses get more intelligent after this.

more on crowley in terms of his arguably unreliable narrative and questioning the choices he makes as a result. in this i actually answer the first one as well as this.

see now im not 100% on this one but it sure does feel like it was LWA, maybe not... either way, full response/meta on who the second coming might be is linked within, as i elaborated on it more in a different ask.

this one gave me a cardiac arrest because LWA decided to spam me with everything they could possibly think of, it was so fun! so this time they talk about aziraphale and his own flaws as concerns his superiority complex and the damsel in distress nonsense, a bit about s3, the pre-fall scene and how this sets up the boys' dynamic, discussion on how long the boys have liked let alone loved each other, lucifer theory (sob), and who indeed the wider question on the angel that crowley was (AWCW) might have been. i responded with talk about aziraphale's insecurity, crowley's saviour complex, their love languages, aziraphale pre-fall, and (wails) lucifer theory.

talking about the apology dance and forgiveness between the two of them in general, and i added in a sprinkle of talking about manipulation.

here we discussed the whole business of crowley's temptation to get aziraphale to kill the antichrist (still a bugbear that crops up again later on in the LWA timeline), and more on crowley's tendency to push his protectiveness on aziraphale (and aziraphale laps it up). also talking about aziraphale's superiority complex again, and the nuclear miracle.

a little bit on the emerging topic of how GO looks at religiously allegorical literature, and a ✨challenge✨ to find where bits of the book may have been transposed or conceptualised into s2.

LWA kindly gave me their thoughts of where, if it does, the lockdown audio clip fits into the canon, and then more on the antichrist/aziraphale manipulation business and how the boys keep secrets from each other, as well as how it impacts on their individual morals. there's also, fair warning, a little bit of gentle but intelligent criticism on how this sometimes get mistranslated in fanfiction.

so here gets a little critical of the magic trick theory, but also similarly looks at some of the technical and narrative weaknesses of s2, as well as looking again at how lopsided the love-story element gets when we look at the boys' journey through history.

this looks at how GO is not a carbon copy of any one biblical text or piece of literature but is inspired by, and reimagines, a bit of everything.

a wee rant on the 'god ships it' trope and its moral implications. im sorry but it rubs me up the wrong way (but no shade at all meant to anyone who writes or likes it!), and i tried my best to explain why it does.

so this was following the startling (see: i was absolutely blindsided at 4am by this) confirmation that aziraphale did not in fact know about crowley living in his car. discussed why that might be, but also again a bit more on the antichrist shitstorm from s1 and its effect on the trust between them.

shorter one, once again examining the wider thought that the boys have loved each other since eden, and whether or not this actually has any validity when considering the narrative objectively as it's been given to us.

talking about the theme of rescuing, how crowley somewhat forces this on aziraphale and aziraphale plays into it, even though he can save himself - and what this might spell for their future

further ruminations on the holy water argument and what this spells for in 1941 and 1967

after a small absence, LWA came back!!! with analysis on aziraphale's willingness/disdain for forming human relationships, and a bit on the ethics of miracles too!

the one about 1650/aziraphale's stint as a bishop, about (as always) the boys' fumble with morality, and then about what will/should happen to heaven

LWA's ability to draw parallels absolutely everywhere is mind-boggling and im essentially that spiderverse meme pretending that i know what im talking about. this one was about aziraphale and his depiction with halos/aureola

this one was really difficult! talking about aziraphale and crowley's respective approaches to problem solving throughout the whole story, and how they both view the narrative of their relationship (such as it is) throughout history

they keep getting more challenging to respond to intelligently. getting into the nitty-gritty of how aziraphale and crowley operate in the grey, and what they ask from each other

it never ceases to amaze me that LWA actually reads any of my idiotic ramblings but here we are: some really fun (for me anyway) talk about shax and demon/angel abilities in general

talk about actions and consequences - and aziraphale and crowley's difficulty with understanding and accepting them - and subsequently the occasional fandom-blindness to this very thing ("Dead Whale Theory") (genius)

actually think this is my favourite one so far? talking about the extent to which crowley is content existing in the system, and how much he benefits from it, to the point that he doesn't model any resistant behaviour to aziraphale beyond malicious compliance and exploiting loopholes. lots more than that, and honestly i could have talked about this for a fortnight

LWA lurking in my walls again and choosing to haunt me by talking about, if there is trauma to be interpreted from crowley's fall, why would they have even talked about it? so goes into whether they were even friends for the majority of their association, plus some speculation on how crowley chooses to look back on their time together as having been in love for any great length of time.

wise words of comfort re: s3

okay so here is where LWA look closer at nina and maggie mirroring the boys, where their respective interactions are inappropriate (ie. nina's questioning of crowley and aziraphale's personal lives), how free will gets tampered with in their plotline, and where crowley in typical fashion ends up listening to the wrong part of the ep6 advice that they give him :(

AND THEY'RE BACK BABY✨ a long (lol like a month. calm yourself, rhi) awaited return, where LWA chooses to whack me over the head with questioning the power imbalance between heaven and hell, whether there is anything to say that heaven takes human souls in the first place, and why therefore aziraphale might even be told to do the things he does by heaven

and then on a lighter note; where and when would aziraphale have been a garden designer, as per furfur's little book? and if crowley actually indeed has a green thumb (open for debate)

LWA back to discuss a really good post that explored book vs tv canon, how far this extends into the book/tv characterisations, and then how s3 could resolve when the show has largely lost a lot of the political overtones

this one was really difficult but such a great point - compared to the book, aziraphale and crowley's 'issues' are divided up between them, and what results is that they do not understand or recognise how the other sees themselves, nor are they (imo) able to truly completely empathise with the other's position and beliefs (LWA tag was missing but they came back to confirm it was them!)

right i think ive captured all of them (sods law if i haven't, tough shit territory really), and this will be updated as they come in providing that LWA continues to haunt me. feel free to like or ignore, ill be linking this in my main masterpost anyway!!!✨

a spicy one that made me pace my living room a good few times - but an important one in that it goes further again into actions and consequences. love it love it love it

just a little one about how crowley - for all our thoughts on how he's got a finger on the pulse of fashion - might not really know how to dress himself properly

#no need to interact this is mainly for my own sanity and to keep things neat and tidy #good omens #the legend of the longwinded anon✨

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theharrowing · 5 months

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MOTHERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK SO I binged Boy Blue over the last few days because I saw so much talk of White Lies and I had so much screaming to do but then I logged in to find CHAPTER 1 OF WHITE LIES AND NOW I HAVE TO JUST !?!?!?!?!!?!??

OK first of all: At no point did I see the end of Boy Blue coming. Every little detail of that story was so masterfully woven, I read it with my heart pounding and my jaw on the FLOOR. I have so many questions but honestly I might just shed my anon status to DM you and ask about it privately, for the sake of spoilers.

Maybe because I just binged Boy Blue, the parallels are obvious to me, but MY GOD YOU ARE A GENIUS.

Josie is so like Hana!!!!!!! In attitude and all. Please keep Josie safe, please please please!!!!!!!

I could absolutely stretch and reach for ways to compare Danny aka Changkyun to Jungkook and scream about how he is posed to be on the outside of this sordid web that mc is about to get caught in. I wouldn't say the two of them look alike, but I think they have similar builds, and similar styles. And they are both maknae!!!!!!! If he fucks mc against a wall I might actually die.

MC TELLING V THAT SHE IS JUST OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP AND IS UNSURE WHAT SHE WANTS.

MC LOOKING LIKE THE BOY BLUE MC.

I love that this MC is more smart/less naïve. I definitely did not get the hate that I have seen you mention about Boy Blue MC because I feel like you set her up to be naïve and delivered on that promise perfectly. If these characters reference Spirited Away, I will actually lose my mind.

You are just !!@#!@#!??!#!?@#@!#!?@@?!@#?!?@! So talented. It has just begun and I am already obsessed. I didn't think I could love something as much as I love Collateral, but you have completely sucked me in. - 🗡️

DAGGER OH MY GOODNESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i absolutely do not deserve you. YOU BINGE READ BOY BLUE!!!! you're the second person to tell me this in the last like two days lmaooooo i'm not even joking.

honestly, Boy Blue being woven together so well is a shock to even me because i never outlined or really planned ANYTHING for that fic. i was just doing my morning online classes and then opening up my apps to create chaos. you can even see in the end that it takes an abrupt shift in tone because i woke up one day and went, "hmmm. i want to end this now." 💀💀💀 White Lies has a bit of an outline already because i started doing that AFTER Boy Blue hahahaha. ALSO ASK ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU WANT!!! if you want to stay anonymous, you can also be vague as hell bc i will likely know what you're asking, and i can hide my answers under a read more!

YES DAGGER, THE PARALLELS ARE PARALLELING and i am so so so fucking happy that you see them. yes to all of the above. there will be more. when i was trying to think of another idol to be kind of the opposite world JK, Kyun came to mind immediately hahaha. i also am midkey obsessed with him, so there's also that. also uhhhh no comment about the wall sex mention, but if you see it in the fic, know that it is all your fault. i am neither confirming nor denying that mc will eventually hook up with our danny haha.

brb, adding a note to my outline so that i remember to mention Spirited Away in this fic asjsdajflas hahaha.

AHHHHH IM SO EXCITED THAT YOU ARE READING THIS ONE TOOOOOOO. you are going to have so much fun!!! 😍🤍🤍

#🗡️ anon #reader reviews #fic: boy blue #fic: white lies #you've got mail 💌

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uter-us · 7 months

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Hello! I saw your post asking how trans people would define a woman, and gender in general. First I just wanted to say thank you for trying to understand different perspectives, in my experience I've not found many people on the internet who actively seek out the opinions of people they generally disagree with. So I genuinely appreciate that you're trying to understand us better.

But I would define "woman" as one of the two binary genders, which is typically but not always associated with being biologically female. And similarly "man" is the other binary gender, typically associated with being biologically male. But obviously that's just my opinion and it's true that a lot of people disagree on what they mean. And I think when a trans woman says that she identifies as a woman, what that really means is that she's just more comfortable being seen as a woman, and she feels a sort of kinship with other women despite maybe having experiences that are different than them. Same goes for trans men.

As for what gender itself is, I would say that it's socially constructed categories (because humans really like to categorize things, even ourselves). That's why different cultures sometimes recognize different genders beyond woman and man, and many cultures have such different gender norms.

I'm sorry for this being so long, and I'm sorry for sending it in an anonymous ask. It's just what I feel most comfortable with right now, which I hope you can understand. But, yeah, thank you for trying to seek out different perspectives. It seems that you're actually genuinely trying to learn more about the experiences of trans people and I really appreciate that. I hope you have a good day!

hey!! i appreciate your response so much!! youre very nice, and i appreciate you too for trying to understand other perspectives through reaching out :))

also please keep in mind i haven't slept in 24ish hrs which is a long time for me so this is more of a ramble than very succinct 👍

since it's through anon ask it might be a bit tricky to get your responses, but if you end up feeling like responding, i'm sure we'll figure something out haha but i am gonna ask some questions !

And I think when a trans woman says that she identifies as a woman, what that really means is that she's just more comfortable being seen as a woman, and she feels a sort of kinship with other women despite maybe having experiences that are different than them. Same goes for trans men.

okay so i see you point to two things that make a trans woman a woman and a trans man a man. the first one is about wanting to be perceived as either a man/woman. I am under the impression that what you are describing is some level of dysphoria, (or maybe more euphoria ?), but correct me if i'm wrong. I am gonna point you to these three versions of that post for a more thorough response w questions this definition or partial definition prompts-- the posts are kinda lengthy so be warned! but you can skim (if youd like) for the parts referring to perception and dysphoria. (again, working off little sleep so the links are a great help. but if you are having trouble finding anything lemme know and i will help!!)

curious what your thoughts are there!

the second part is about having a kinship with other women/men despite having different experiences. this idea is one i don't hear as often! if im working w the understanding that kinship means a strong (family-like) relationship, is that really enough to warrant a role in defining who is a woman/man? like there are people who fit both of these rules (increased+significant comfortability w perception plus feeling they have a kinship w said group), and we can still recognize they don't belong in that group. in my personal opinion that isn't enough for defining a woman/man (especially legally!)

im so sorry im being super lazy and tired, but in the posts i linked i talk about genders beyond woman and man, different cultures' gender norms, some questions about what gender as a social construct means to yall (vs the radfem perspective), and ultimately the role that plays in this type of conversation, so im gonna point you there again haha. if you want me to elaborate on anything dont hesitate to lemme know!

no need to apologize for your boundaries!! an anonymous ask works great :) and i apologize for the lack of sleep interfering w my response, i hope it wasn't disappointing!! still i hope my posts provide some insight too, but more importantly i really hope you check out the questions because i promise my goal isn't to j stand on my soapbox or info dump, i really appreciate any and all feedback/responses-- feel free to send another ask (if you feel up to any response!)

i really appreciate your message!! the kinship aspect was the most eye opening for me because i find it relatively uncommon to hear in my experience. your fresh perspective is well worth reading! thank you! be so safe and take sm care 🫶🫶🫶 (and lemme know if theres something i missed you want further clarification/comment/question on!)

#this is not the most indepth post ever....#in fact its very shallow....#but hopefully the links i sent can fill the huge gigantic enormous gaps i didnt write about.#i need sleep. ahhhhggghh #not j a reblog tag #read conversations tag

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thelasttime · 8 months

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hey maddie im sorry if this is a lot but iv followed your blog for a while now its always felt like a very comforting space and just today after a week of trying to work through issues and them talking about issues theyre going through my closest friend told me that she doesnt want to be a close friend to me anymore, she said she has issues going on that she doesnt want to talk to anymore about but its just meant she feels like she cant be close with me anymore. i hope one day in the future we might be able to again but that wont be for a long while and it just sucks so much to lose such a close connection as that one you know? i dont know ive felt like your blog has been a bit of a safe and comforting space so i figured it might help a bit to talk about it here? but i also know this is a lot to put here suddenly so if it is you can just ignore and delete it, i understand that

hi anon!! thank you for being kind in my inbox and i'm happy to help you and talk to you about this. first, i'm really proud of you for putting yourself out there and working through issues week after week. i can't imagine what kind of toll that has on a person when they're trying their very best to keep a close friendship. it shows me that you're a person who really cares about their friendships and that you're a resilient person!! it also shows me that you're a good friend and you're trying

with that being said, it sounds like your friend is just not going to budge on the issues that you're having. you can do your best but friendship is a two-way street and you deserve someone who's going to put in their 100% to make a friendship work. it absolutely sucks to lose a close connection, but i do really believe that that you can't force a good friendship and that it happens naturally.

i've been in a similar situation where i kept trying and trying to make a good friendship happen and it was one of the most draining periods of my life. what i realized and what i hope you also may take away from this is that a good friendship isn't supposed to be draining. you might not have a 100% smooth friendship all the time but you're not supposed to feel like it's week after week of working on something. at some point, you just have to let it go and you know it's time to go (apologies for the taylor reference) (although actually you should go listen to that song because i think it's applicable in this situation)

you also might find that all that energy that you've now taken away from working on this friendship is something that you can now transfer to other friendships and yourself!! with this energy, take care of yourself and nurture your other important friendships. you deserve good friendship and you deserve a friendship that won't feel like you're fighting a losing battle.

i hope this helps !! giving you the biggest hug and all my love

#asks #asking you this*#anonymous

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preciouslandmermaid · 2 years

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playlist anon here! Cornelia street ALMOST made it on the playlist, it just didn’t because I wanted more angst!!! I hope you enjoy it and i wanna know your thoughts if you’re willing to share when you finish your listen☺️

I'm actually gonna put all my thoughts on this reply, lmao. And I'm typing these up as I listen so uhh this might be a rambled mess LMAO.

Track 1: IMPECCABLE CHOICE. we really cannot have a playlist without the star of the show ;) ~ i love cigarettes after sex lol they're so moody and sensual. show stopping. incredible. iconic. Track 2: TAYLOR!!! SWIFT!!! God, I love gold rush so much. esp the line; "I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush" because i think it perfectly encapsulates how the reader feels about carmy. her desire for distance, her uneasiness about her affection/fondness, the vulnerability that he unknowingly teases from her. Track 3: I've never heard this song before. I know of HAIM. But, wow this song really gave me like BUTTERFLIES. Especially these two lines: "We're watching the sunrise from the kitchen counter // When you're lyin' between my legs it doesn't matter." like 👀👀👀 HELLO?

Track 4: Yeah, this one - like - taylor swift is so good at writing songs about yearning LMAO. Just. * Chef kiss.* Track 5: MITSKI. MITSKI. MITSKI!!!! Is it really a playlist if we don't have mitski? answer: no it is not! ugh. "baby will u kiss me arleady?" LIKE DAMN, TRUE. MISTKI!!! WILL HE?? Track 6: Okay, I need my girl by the national. is. the most yearning-of-songs to ever yearn. this song really captures what it feels to be like "outside" - not relating to peers, or family, and feeling like you have this connection to a specific person who even when you feel small/insecure/weak/etc---this person is who can pull you out of it, who softens the edges of the world, :.) i love them sfm. Track 7: hi taylor. This song is so carmy-coded. "And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound" and this one too: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad" -- carmy knows EXACTLY what to say to cut someone deep. ha ha. this line, especially, feels very carmy/mikey to me: "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that" COOL, COOL, NOW IM FUCKING CRYING.

Track 8: emotional damage. emotional damage. how dare u put phoebe bridgers on this playlist. i weep. this song perfectly captures the grief that they (reader and carmy) share. 😭

Track 9: I've never heard this song but it got me with the FIRST LINE. "in the car in the backseat" HELLO?? fucking IMMACULATE. also, like yes reader IS a fucking mess. they're both messy. and yet "I believe that you see me for who I am" [SCREAMING INTO MY PILLOW AND WALKS INTO THE OCEAN]

Track 10: wow this song is also so THEM. "All the skeletons you hide. Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." hi, i will need 7-10 business days to process this, thnx. goodbye. u really weren't lying when you said you wanted angst. u know that meme of the stick-figure guy lying on the ground in a puddle of his own tears? That's me.

Track 11: Hoax by Tswift is so Carmy-coded. I think Taylor wrote all these songs for him, actually. but, also the references to shades of blue, make me think of reader looking to Carmy's eyes. both romantic and lowkey fucking SAD. are u trying to fucking kill me??

Track 12: it's about the yearning. i just love the concept that this song implies that like no matter how much you try to push someone out, they can still get under ur skin. HAHA WALKING INTO THE OCEAN AGAIN.

Track 13: i made the mistake of looking up the lyrics to this song so i could include my favorite line and then the internet told me that the meaning of this song could be interpreted as "pouring love into someone and they only give a fraction back in return." wow that hurts bestie. but also the ending of this song, the way it picks up, and the crescendo of music (im not a musician) its giving ~crying while sliding down the wall in the golden light of pre-sunset and clutching ur phone to ur chest.~

Track 14: wow this song fucking slaps? Also screaming at the chrous: "Is it insensitive for me to say - Get your shit together? - So I can love you" LOSING IT. I feel like it could be taken both ways, Reader's view to Carmy and his view to her. Like. Hmmm. besties. I'm feeling like these two might be grenades thrown at each other. hahahah.

Track 15: WE GOT HOZIER?? damn!! I feel like you went into the cosmos and found all the bangers I had forgotten about or simply never heard. God, I love his folky, gentle vibe. I feel like this would be the perfect song to have played during the wedding scene when they're both sitting in front of Lake Michigan, talking about loss, and their budding friendship.

Track 16: "The devil's in the details but you've got a friend in me." Again, are you TRYING to kill me?? Honestly, all of these songs could apply to SOME part, some scene of this fic, and I want to THROW MYSELF INTO THE SUN!! also like the line....."Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other". that's it. I'm listening to the rest of these from beyond the grave. also like ugh the way this song embodies being THERE for someone but not being able to u know fix the shit they're going thru or heal it and just having to accept that.

Track 17: daddy hozier is back! this song is just ugh so romantic. i feel like hozier is the only Man to Ever Exsist, imo, and get it. He gets it! Also, this song makes me feel like being "brought to life" by love and uguuugghh. I know ur going for an angst angle but this song makes me feel so warm and cozy x)

Track 18: WOW THIS SONG IS SOOO READER. This is her song. You've done it. You've cracked the code. I think this song could be interpreted as her feelings for Carmy, but also, on a larger scale--The Bakery--when it came into her life, everything changed, and she now has something to prove, something to work for. I'm in AWE of ur mind, anon.

Track 19: oh ok we're back to being sad, I GUESS. GOSH. EVERMORE?? Pls!!!! The way this song describes a story of grief and how it feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't. Time actually does heal wounds. You just have to make it through the months, through the cold, and into safety and warmth. What a PERFECT ending song choice.

how i feel about this playlist (affectionate)

#fic: nghb feedback #long post #this is so incoherent im sorry lsdjfdslkfjsdl (not sorry)#i have the biggest grin on my face LMAO

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