#the friend I met after 4 months was like: mate u ok?

[a-very-fond-farewell]

went to the city, me. fell in love with ALL the pretty women, me. much struggle.

[swishy-imagines]

Dysophonia (3/3)

Of course Allister would be up- Allister, who has no bedtime and regularly checks who’s online (and sometimes knows without checking at all)

He gets a flurry of new messages, and decides (against his better judgement) to open the chat up again:

[(11:58 pm)

🌊: any1 awake

bsides al hes always here

🐲RH_HL: me

allister: :(

Melony: Allister you really should go to bed!! 🛏⏰💤 You need your rest so you can grow up big and strong!!

🌊: mel has that ever worked

🐲RH_HL: lol

allister: hi piers

🐲RH_HL: what

oh snap

hey piers!!!!

🌊: heyy

Melony: Good evening piers! ☺️👋🏻

🌊: good 2 see u

🐲RH_HL: @championtime get in here mate I know you’re up

allister: <gif of a banette waving>

sorry that took a while to find]

He watches it scroll for a while, wondering if he’s actually delirious.

[championtime: Whaaaaaaaat

🐲RH_HL: piers is here

championtime: Seriously?

Oh wow you’re right

Brb buying a lottery ticket

Melony: That is not nice Leon 😡

🌊: lol

🐲RH_HL: lolol

Melony: 😡

🌊: leon respond 2 my email already

championtime: Anyway what’s up Piers

Ok listen I was GOING to

But then SOMEONE pinged me

🐲RH_HL: excuse me i am not the reason you’ve been putting off checking your email for three days

championtime: Why are you even awake right now Nessa

🌊: waiting 4 ur email

allister: mr Leon is very busy

🐲RH_HL: oh not you too

Leon you’ve corrupted the child

Melony: leave Allister alone 😡

How have you been Piers 😊😊]

He doesn’t know whether or not to respond. It’s really late, he ought to be trying to sleep. And... let’s be real, they probably don’t care. Still, they did ask...

He waits, one hand over the phone keyboard. When there’s no further messages:

[pierzzz: awful, if you really want to know

🌊: ?

championtime: ??/?

Melony: Oh no 😱😢

🐲RH_HL: oh hey no wait what’s up

Allister: :(

pierzzz: voice is gone

🌊: yyyyikes

pierzzz: also probably I am dying

allister: oh no

Melony: Piers you should not say things like that 😱 there are children present 😡

allister: it’s okay i know he’s joking

Melony: I meant Leon

championtime: HEY

🌊: lololol

🐲RH_HL: seriously though are you ok

pierzzz: will be eventually

championtime: Losing your voice must be a big deal

pierzzz: oh it is

would be livid if I wasn’t so bloody tired

🐲RH_HL: just ur throat? or are you like

oh

pierzzz: caught a cold or something

barely made it through the show tonight

even looking at the screen is making my head hurt like hell

🌊: turn ur brightness down genius

pierzzz: it’s on minimum smartass

🐲RH_HL: why did you even do the concert

pierzzz: came on too fast

was fine this morning now I’m just

☠️

championtime: That sounds more like the flu mate

🐲RH_HL: yeah

pierzzz: oh fantastic

Melony: Oh no!! 😢

Are you going to be ok?

pierzzz: ill be fine

just gotta sleep it off

championtime: You sure?

🌊: was that a pun

🐲RH_HL: can and will corvicab over there if you are actually dying

pierzzz: what no what

championtime: No to who

pierzzz: all of you cut it out

wait

championtime: HA

pierzzz: nO NOT YOU

allister: :(

🐲RH_HL: got it be right there

pierzzz: STOP

Melony: Raihan, calm down. It’s past midnight, taking a taxi at this hour is a little unreasonable.

pierzzz: THANK you melony

Melony: You can pay him a visit tomorrow morning. 😊

pierzzz: i have never been so betrayed in my life

🌊: lolololol]

Piers briefly considers throwing the phone against the wall.

[🐲RH_HL: in all seriousness though mate my schedule is clear tomorrow

pierzzz: don’t waste your day off on me

you’re not allowed

🐲RH_HL: says who?

pierzzz: says me

🐲RH_HL: why

pierzzz: what

what kind of dumb question is that

🐲RH_HL: Give me one good reason I shouldn’t

pierzzz: w

🌊: raihans using caps what timeline r we in

championtime: And punctuation

It’s like I don’t even know him anymore

pierzzz: i don’t ws’

🌊: typo

pierzzz: i dont want to be a bother

gone from this chat for months then the first thing i do when i show up again is complain

allister: is that why you waited so long to speak

championtime: I bet it is

pierzzz: i don’t ever speak here i don’t know why i’m even in the chat still

i don’t come to any of the league functions i’ve only ever met a couple of you in person once

i’m an awful gym leader

i don’t deserve your attention

🌊: wow

ok

suddenly feels like im sitting in on smth super personal

🐲RH_HL: piers

pierzzz: i’m sorry

that was too much ill

i should go

championtime: No don’t

allister: <gif of a sad shuppet>

Melony: Oh, dear...

🐲RH_HL: stop

piers stop it

right now

pierzzz: what

🐲RH_HL: stop talking about yourself like that

pierzzz: everything i said was true

🐲RH_HL: those last two parts definitely were not

pierzzz: raihan

🐲RH_HL: listen

i

we’re still friends right?

i know i’ve said some bad things to you in the past

stuff i regret

and i know we don’t see each other much anymore

🌊: do i hear secret backstory

🐲RH_HL: but like

Melony: Nessa, shush.

allister: yeah if you point it out he might stop

championtime: Guys, cmon

🐲RH_HL: i still care about you???

if you’re in a bad spot and there’s something I can do

I wanna help you out however I can

pierzzz:

championtime: I’m shocked you’re talking this much

Usually with me you’d just pretend to drop it and then show up anyways

🐲RH_HL: Leon shut up

championtime: :P

🌊: sounds like him

allister: one time he showed up at my gym in the middle of the night without even asking

🐲RH_HL: I’m ignoring all of you

especially you Allister I genuinely don’t know what you’re going on about and that’s not a can of wormadams I want to open right now

Melony: Oh, dear.

🌊: yikes wtf

🐲RH_HL: Piers

Are you sure I can’t come over tomorrow?]

...

...Piers gives up.

[pierzzz: if you really want to

i won’t stop you

🌊: dawwwwwww

Melony: Awwww!

pierzzz: shut up all of you before I take it all back

🐲RH_HL: nessa if you ruin this im making it rain in hulbury for two weeks straight

🌊: HEY

it was Mel too

championtime: I’m glad to see you two getting along

Wish I could join you but I’m swamped

🌊: hey yea that reminds me check ur email

championtime: 3dsjkvdcjosko

pierzzz: god no

full offense I think being in the same room as both of you at once would actually kill me

allister: mr kabu says that sometimes

championtime: Does he now?..

Melony: 😅

🐲RH_HL: ill pull up a picture of leon on my phone

he’ll contribute exactly as much as the real one would have

pierzzz: sounds about right

championtime: HEY

🐲RH_HL: u know im right mate

🌊: leon ur email

pierzzz: he’s right

🌊: leon ur email

🐲RH_HL: leon ur email

championtime: stop

🐲RH_HL: leon ur email

🌊: leon ur email

pierzzz: leon ur email

championtime: TRAITOR

🌊: lolololololololol

Melony: It’s getting late, and I’m not one for Bother Leon Hour. I’m going to go to sleep now. Good night, everyone! 🛌💤

pierzzz: me 2

🌊: nooooooooo

stay up and help me spam Leon

pierzzz: would love to but

again

dying

🌊: boo

🐲RH_HL: let him sleep nessa

allister: i can help

championtime: .

I can’t get mad at you in front of melony

🐲RH_HL: Mel left

championtime: you tiny judas

🌊: leon ur email

allister: mr leon ur email

🌊: you’ve got the spirit at least

pierzzz: bye

🐲RH_HL: See u

pierzzz: yeah ok]

He turned his phone off, and stared at it for a few seconds after the screen went black.

If he didn’t know better, he’d say his headache went away a bit.

Hm.

[dolphin-enthusiast]

my beloved morgy, good evening!! it's been a little bit, no? schoolwork has been running rampant and health issues are racking up, so i have unfortunately been away for a bit, not to mention i'll have to look for work soon due to financial issues,, life is quite hectic now! no matter what though, i always look forward to coming back here, talking to you has become one of my favorite things in the world!! 💕💌💫 (1/9)

"and so much has happened now, hm? with that in mind, please know that what i'm about to say isn't just mere kindness, and that i actually believe it wholeheartedly,, i think you are absolutely stunning!!! of course i got the notification during algebra of all classes,, but oh my goodness darling!!!! i'm so happy you somehow gained enough confidence to do that!! (2/9)

i was paranoid after my initial face reveal, but after getting so many nice responses before, i knew it would go just as smoothly for you 💓 ahhhh i just can't get over it at all, you're so pretty!!! i smiled a lot, and then my professor must've noticed, because he said "abby... abby... ABBY! are you ok?? you're face is so red, do you have a fever???" (3/9)

of course i dismissed it, but then to make matters worse, quinn called me during class about it as you saw already,, i swear, she just loves to torture me hm? 😖😖 but really, you are gorgeous, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, ok?? 💘 oh, and i must thank everyone for being so patient and kind during my absence!! your well wishes mean a lot to me! most people tend to get very frustrated with me, so i'm beyond glad that i can get a break from that type of treatment!! (4/9̶ 10)

it's been very difficult so far trying to balance school and my own health, so i've been extremely occupied as of late,, but when things settle down and i figure things out, i should be more active again! (it's what i hope for! writing you and seeing everyone is one of the things i actually enjoy anyway!!! 🌠) and all of those picrews and that drawing?? lovely as always!! (5/10)

aside from stressful school days and other events, today, quinn and our friend chloe surprised me by showing up to my house after school and whisking me off to this lovely asian market in the city! it was unusually cold, so quinn being the overly protective person they are, forced me to take their coat,, ahhh i felt so bad, the breeze was so chilly!! but sadly, the north really does get cold when the fall starts to hit hehe (6/10)

we took the metro over and messed around in our seats a bit,, it was nice and quiet for once! we ended up having a great time, getting dinner, buying lots of strange snacks, and eating different cakes at this quaint café, it was such a nice break from everything not-so-good that has been happening lately!! ✨ (7/10)

and luckily, i get to actually have a good time this weekend!!! my older brother is coming home to visit! despite college being so busy for him, he told me that he still checks in here at the end of every week haha, i'm surprised he even manages to do that with his workload 😖 he told me we're gonna go and get lunch together, so i'm really excited for that,, i miss him lots! ❤ (8/10)

so much has happened that i can't even keep track of it,, there's so much to talk about, it's crazy! i wish school could lighten up a bit so i could be here more, after all, i do truly enjoy my time here!! but i'm overjoyed that i get to return tonight despite my heavy workload,, it's always a rare pleasure to be able to talk to you dolcezza!!! hopefully i can be back soon by friday or so,, i'll be aiming for it 💗 (9/10

thank you guys for all of the support throughout these chaotic months, i never expected to meet such an amazing person and become so loved by a bunch of people i never met- you've all gone beyond my wildest expectations with how unbelievably kind you are to me! as always thank you, i love you all beyond words 💕 with love from the moon & back, your waifu xoxo 💖💖💖 ps: morgy you really do know how to pull at my heartstrings!! i better see no more of you doubting yourself ever again 😘 (10/10)"

THE LEGEND HAS R E T U R N E T H ONCE MORE 😳🤚✨ honestly darling ur reaction was quite literally priceless and Quinn only made this entire thing better ngl jdhdhwhd i almost cant believe me doing some dumb face reveal caused it either but....i aint complaining at all quite the contrary acc👁️👁️

I'd still insist ur bein way too kind but i'll thank u anyway for za compliments (i can only say the same regarding u dear👁️✨) dbqhshxkaha also a trip to za asian market sounds lit ngl me and the squad always go to this k mart thats on the way to our school and they have banging foods 😩✊

Now i can 100% relate to everything u said esp the school part....im exhausted outta my mind (in fact i deadass fell asleep while on zoom today during class djsbs) bc i still lowkey cant fall asleep in time at night and i have to get up early everyday so its like💀💀💀💀 i mostly catch up on schleep in the afternoon but its still a wack schedule and i barely have time to do other stuff let alone write which bothers me alot ngl....as for urself im glad u got to have some quality time w ur mates and also that ur legend of a bro is finally visiting (za clown army e a a g er l y awaiting his return)

I agree also that things have been movin fast like h e l l its already almost october tf🗿🗿 and i also hope ur fine health wise too bc ik all too well how school and an erratic schedule can throw ur entire body off and worsen ur immune system n all of dat shiz💀

Either way im glad u popped in again (as always my inbox been bombarded with questions regarding ur whereabouts djshdjdk) and may we speak of shows and anime again bc a bitch had finished bsd yesterday and im l i v i n😳😳😳

[gotatext]

by this point im p sure u all know the drill.... i’m nora, 23, she/her, gmt and tonight matthew im going to be greta o’driscoll, a terrible person but a hot one which frankly makes it almost ok. here is her pinterest..... this intro is literally just copied n pasted frm the last time i played her so soz if u’ve read it like 10+ times.... 

「 diana silvers. cis-female. 」have you seen greta o’driscoll around yet? i hear she decided to be in POTENTAS for their SOPHOMORE year as a CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGY major. the 20 year old SHEPHERD is known to be tenacious, magnetic, capricious and evasive. ➨ the muse is written by nora, she/her, gmt.

was adopted as an infant. had two foster moms and two older sisters so always surrounded by women. lived in a boarding house, very much like the one in 20th century women, with lodgers coming in and out all the time, mostly artsy young women because her gay moms were both high school teachers trying to set up their own arts collective. one of her moms left when she was 4, n she doesn’t really remember her.

while living with entirely women made her super into catlin moran and the guilty feminist, as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention jst bcos she’d never really experienced it. saw it as something aspirational, like sitting in the back of chad’s second-hand truck while he drove you to macdonalds and offered you and his five friends with identical haircuts weed was the height of being cool to greta, she wanted to be their dream girl, even if it meant compromising her beliefs

was always a really sporty bitch. it started with a junior athletics squad, which turned into athletics and cheer, which then became athletics, cheer and hockey until she basically was doing a different activity every night. she came to see her body as a tool that she could make work for her if she trained it up and this attitude’s always kind of stayed with her that as long as her body is strong she is capable of anything. runs every day. 

bubbly bitch but also massive snake. metaphorically and literally, always shedding her skin. loyal to few, ruled by none, out for herself, babey!! every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result som ppl think she’s called rita, some ppl know her as margot, she just flicks through identities like nobodies business.

left school at 18 n went backpacking around the states making money in the casinos by being a shot girl (yeehaw) and trying to make it as a mysterious 1920s widow with a smoky voice, a dark secret n a heart of gold, looking for love in the big city. all she found was producers and acting agents who’d promise her stardom n actually just fuck her in a motel n then ignore her calls.

TW domestic violence, TW gun, her watershed moment came when she met luke in sioux falls while she was working at a strip club. he was a few years older and had a car, and they kind of went from seeing each other to being that super intense couple who are just necking all the time.

they got engaged like 3 months after they met n rented a flat together, much to her family’s annoyance but she was 19 so there wasn’t much they could do. their relationship was super super intense though, often really heightened and when they fought it could become quite violent, but she’d pass it off as just him being really passionate.

one of their fights got really heated and greta threatened him with the gun he kept in the glove box of his vauxhall corsa, but the safety was off and she accidentally shot him. she pleaded self defence in the trial n cos of the amount of times she’d been hospitalised for various concussions n things like ‘fallling down the stairs’ the police were like yea… pretty watertight evidence that he was a bastard who [chicago voice] had it coming….. 

she’s now under witness protection, rehoused in livingstone as a sports-scholarship student, due to the amount of police involvement in the area, it would mean should one of luke’s family members try to track her down, she’d be relatively safe

massive sports fanatic. plays tennis. on the cheer team. was a track superstar in her high school. honestly just that sporty bitch, you’ll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am lecture you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch. maybe it’s maybelline, maybe its coke.

massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune bc she misses her childhood in a south dakota boarding house and has endless support for women. honestly annoyed that she is attracted to men, would so be 100% gay if it was a choice. cuffs her jeans and can’t drive. is That bisexual. skateboards. wears backwards caps.  i hate her 

isn’t a foward-planner, however. greta prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manners so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night.

has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning. 

not afraid to go after what she wants !! ambitious academically and romantically thirsty !! she loves the adrenaline of the chase. when someone’s easy to get, she becomes bored. very bisexual and very proud of it. feminist as fuck nd part of a queer representation in the arts group which holds fortnightly meetings to discuss lgbt representation in film, literature, art etc.

old soul in a young person’s body. all the shit that has gone on has kind of aged her. she’s quite cynical about everything now. always smoking smoking smoking. very edie sedgwick in that way.  little girls skirts bought for next-to-nothing at the market because she’s skinny enough to get away with it, barely long enough to cover your bum, and then the ugliest baggy sweater you’ve ever seen thrown over it.

likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramphone because “The Sound quality is Better” kfdsjj.

super into pop art and andy warhol. puts female friendships above everything but at the same time, would fuck her best friends man

her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk.

aesthetics:

a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, denim jackets, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, peeling sticky plasters, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, hot coffee, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, kissing girls, cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, leonine arch of your back and that stellar smile that says ‘you have no idea who you’re dealing with’, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your mom wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, his name scrawled in rage across the pages of a diary, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

wanted plots

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sports rivalries ! sporting friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!! 

since greta literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships

 girls from the cheer team who she’s like, weirdly intimate with like the shower together but its not a Thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

and I want like, fellow criminology students who are like?? how is this bitch still passing?? i swear she goes out every night?? 

she works part time at a fast food restaurant, i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry. 

ppl she did a few modules with ie. art history, bio-med, film studies, before changing course and somehow sort of remaining in touch with

 ppl who she runs track with. 

someone she’s trying to make a zine with. 

here’s a list of plots on her old blog if u want any of them w her.

would love plots of any type, throw them all at me please, i cnt wait to interact w all of u. like this if u want me to message you about connections / plots! xo

full biography if u can be bothered

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your busom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and dare devils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month, before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wild fire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you making your name as a downtown singer while he footed the bill with pills. they had a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you lived like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to livingstone where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

[acelezz]

“L is For Luna” (Part 3): A Saluna Fanfic

Title: L is For Luna

Summary: When Luna finds a love letter in her locker, she hopes that it is her crush Sam, but is doubtful. With the help of her ten siblings, Luna will find out whether her dreams of being with Sam will ever be a reality or not.

Part: 3

Author: L-is-For-Loud-House

Fandom: The Loud House

Ship: Saluna (Luna Loud and Sam Sharp)

Timeline: A few months after “L is For Love”

Genre: Fanfiction/Romance

Word Count: 974

...

“This is going to be so rad, Lunes!” Sam exclaimed. “I can’t wait to try out your new amp!”

It was now 2:50 on Tuesday. Luna and Sam were now on the Loud family’s porch. School had gotten done at 2:35 and they were ready to rock. Lori gave Leni and Luan a ride home to give Luna some alone time while walking home from being dropped off at their bus stop. 

“Yeah, totally, dude!” Luna agreed. “I can’t wait to hear how sick our jams will sound on it.”

Luna then whipped out her copy of the key to the front door and unlocked it.

“Huh, it’s unusually quiet in here,” Luna pointed out as she and Sam walked into the normally loud house. 

“And clean too,” Sam added. “I’m not saying your house is messy— believe me, my house looks like a tornado hit it— but there’s not one toy in sight. Normally there’s a few toys laying on your floor, tables, and couches. But, hey, where’s your sibs and your ‘rents? I’d like to say hi to them real quick.”

Luna glanced around her living room and peered into her dining room. None of her siblings nor were her parents in sight. She stopped to listen to see if she could hear any of them talking from other rooms. There was only more silence. 

“I don’t know,” Luna finally answered Sam. “My parents are probably at work, but my sibs should be home by now.”

Then all of the sudden, there was a loud, “Ding!”

“Dude, I think someone texted you,” Sam told Luna.

Luna then slipped her purple backpack off of her shoulders and unzipped the small front compartment that it had to retrieve her smartphone. She checked it to see that it was her eldest sister, Lori. “I decided to take all of our sisters to the mall when we got home from school. I also dropped Lincoln off at the arcade so he could play some video games with Clyde. Also mom and dad r both working until late 2nite. We’re going to be at the mall for a while and Lincoln and Clyde will be at the arcade for a while since I gave Lincoln enough money to buy 200 tokens so it’s just going to be u and Sam for a while today ;)” the text read. 

“Ok. Thanks for covering that for me, sis :)” Luna texted back.

“Np! I’d do anything to help my siblings get together with their crush! No go get your girl! :)”

A faint blush came over Luna’s face and she quickly put her phone down.

“So, who was it?” Sam asked. “And what did they say?”

“It was my sister, Lori. She just told me that both of my parents are working until late tonight, that she and my sisters will be hanging at the mall for a while, and that Lincoln is at the arcade with his friend and he’s going to be there for a pretty long time,” Luna told Sam. “So are you cool if it’s just the two of us today?”

Sam started to twirl again, igniting fireworks within Luna’s stomach, and then smiled. “Yeah, totally, mate! No offense to your fam, but I really only ever come here to hang and jam with you.”

Luna chuckled. “Yeah, I figured that. Kinda a no-brainer. You are my friend after all.”

Sam’s smile diminished a bit. “But, yeah, I’m sure my ‘rents wouldn’t mind this either. We’re both old enough to be alone together. Plus, my ‘rents really dig you. They really trust you.”

Luna smiled. “Wow, that makes me feel really good, brah. Tell ‘em I said thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem, Lunes. I’ll let ‘em know that you said that.”

“But you have no idea how much my family digs you. They’re really glad that we became close when you moved to Royal Woods when were were in 8th grade.”

A really big grin came over Sam’s face. “Aw, dude!” 

Suddenly, there was another, “Ding!”

Luna quickly glanced down at her phone to see that she had received another text. This time, it was from Lola. “Remember the signal! And don’t eve think about chickening out! Do u really let all of us down? U would be letting Sam down too and even urself!” It read.

“She’s right,” Luna thought to herself. “I gotta stop being such a scaredy-cat.”

Luna quickly put her phone back down and looked back into Sam’s eyes. Those beautiful, ocean-blue eyes. Luna felt like she could get lost in them and swim in them for all of eternity.

“And I’m really glad about that too,” Luna admitted, confidently, with a smile. 

Sam smiled as she twirled her hair once more. “Aw, thanks, Lunes,” she beamed as she put a hand on Luna’s shoulder. “I’m really glad that we became close too. You’re an awesome chick.”

With the fact that Sam’s hand was on her shoulder and that she had just given her such a sweet compliment, Luna was now visibly blushing. “Aw, thanks, Sammy. I honestly have no idea what I would do if we had never met.”

Sam giggled. “Me neither, Lunes.” She then removed her hand from Luna’s shoulder. “Now, whataya say we try out that new amp of yours? I’ve been dying to see it.”

“O-ok.” Luna then started to lead Sam up to her room. “It’s totally rad!”

A faint smile came across Sam’s face as she and Luna began to climb up the stairs. “Just like you?” 

Luna chuckled, not knowing how else to respond. Then it came to her. She turned around and looked at Sam right in those ocean-blue eyes of hers and smiled. “No, just like you.”

Sam gave her hair a little twirl. “No, just like us.”

...

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

...

Check out “Lincoln’s Concert Catastrophe”!

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-85

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I mean, I won’t lie and say it gives some personal points, but like I won’t date you if you’re a douche, no matter if you look good or not. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I mean, you don’t NEED to be in one, but it is nice to have someone care for you

3. Are you a virgin?

yup

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am yes

5. Are you in love?

I think?

6. Are you single this year?

Well for like the first month I was

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yeah. Even if I’m polyamorous, I won’t act on it if they’re not cool with it

8. Describe your crush

They love birds and also is a witch. We love a lotta the same stuff.

9. Describe your perfect mate

A storyteller, share at least a few interests. Someone I could talk non-stop to or just become a total tree stump. They understand to a good extent how I work and put the same effort in that I do. On the superficial side, I’m partial to the more butch/masc presenting people and possibly taller. 

That being said the person I am dating is actually a few inches shorter than me lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really, but I feel like there can be a connection, but love takes time.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on the extent????

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I’m kinda jealous, but idk

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I mean,,,,, yeah???

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Only like small pecks. I’m not much on PDA more than like hugging or hand-holding

20. Do you shower every day?

every other day

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I should hope they do????

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I mean, duh?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I’m happy with it yeah.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Not that I know of???

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

YUP. THEY MANAGED 5 PEOPLE IN THE ONE MONTH OF DATING

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I wanna make myself look more masc

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Oh yeah. I’m not someone to cry a lot but like?? I’ve had my days

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

mhm

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

HHHH

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

BUDDY

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Most people I’ve kissed are older than me

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yup. Ended poorly

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yup

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah. 

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Didn’t I say I was a virgin literally in the first few questions

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Depends on the mood I guess

43. How long was your longest relationship?

6 months and they left me for someone else

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

6???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

I didn’t have my first kiss until 2014

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

BOI

47. How old are you?

Old enough to have chronic back pain and complain about technology apparently.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I mean I’m sad, but like…. I’m not gonna try to manipulate them?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

They understand my emotions and are wildly compassionate. NOT TO MENTION HOW TALENTED THEY ARE AT MAKEUP AND UKULELE?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Maybe, but I wouldn’t really let them back into my life?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

I don’t think I’d do EVERYTHING for someone, but there is someone I’d do a lot for. 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Some friends I dropped recently. We brought out the worst in one another, and I felt like it was time to leave and try to put more energy into other people. I don’t think the friendship was a waste of time at all. We just grew into very different people and did more fighting than being friends, and I wasn’t gonna stay in a friendship like that. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

So far they haven’t voiced it so??? I don’t think so?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Absolutely

55. Share a relationship story.

We were in a long distance thing a few years back. We started off as friends and I realized I had feelings, but we waited until the con we met at to make things official. As I was leaving he asked if he could write something about me and he wrote a full 8 pages. Additionally, at our next con, I was super sick (we didn’t know until later I had mono) and almost fainted. He stayed with me the whole time, and, even though I told him it was possible I had mono, he risked it and still kissed me. 

I don’t blame him for not having feelings for me after that. I think we rushed in and were caught up in the obsession, which lasts about 4 months. I was sure of my emotions, and he wasn’t. It’s ok. We knew what we were getting ourselves into to an extent. We’re still distant friends, I think? No hard feelings.

56. State 8 facts about your body

1. I hate it

2. It manages to put away food like it is no one’s business

3. I can wiggle my ears

4. I am very lactose intolerant and get bad stomach aches, but don’t care

5. I can crack my wrist on command

6. Somehow I can get 3 hours of sleep and still function

7. He a tired man

8. My hair and nails grow fucking fast

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Wherever you are, hope you’re doin okay. Sorry things didn’t work out

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Common grounds of interests/morals

2. Be ok with my mood swings and fickleness when it comes to affection

3. Being a storyteller. I love creativity so much?

4. Passion. Someone who is passionate about something (IE hobbies, special interests, etc) is just??? really attractive????

5. I have a thing for people taller than me? Idk

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Check my “pixie pics” tag (and maybe like or reblog lmaooo)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

a year and a half???

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Usually eyes and their hair

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Being creative and make a project like inspired by me I guess? Idk. Do something unusual. Of course, I am all for cliche, but like being unusual is really cool.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Consensual stimulation of sex organs? Idk

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Being with someone without you’re partner’s/partners’ knowledge and consent

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

WHat?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

Fuckin long-ass paragraphs STORYTELLING

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Like I said, I love the cliche. Take me to a museum or the park, but even like staying home (If we’ve been seeing one another for a while) and hanging out is cool too. If it’s a first date, something where we can get to talk and know one another

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Probably on the ace spectrum. As for romantic pref?? FLUID AS FUUUUCK

69. What turns you off?

Being rude???

70. What turns you on?

CREATIVITY MAN. IT IS GREAT

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Fuckin???? I don’t remember my dreams sometimes. Most of them are pretty tame

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

BUDDY NEVER HAD SEX

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Writing a poem or song is super cute??? Or like when I’m feeling as depressed as I am now, just showing up to my house and kidnapping me for a bit for like a trip to the beach? (Shoutout to my friend Cici who has been a big help all weekend and did just that today??)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Being taller than me and also eye color/hair idk. 

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Refer to 73 where my friend Cici came to my house today WITH ROSES AND FOOD and drove me to the beach and treated me to a few hours of escapism and dinner. She’s a real one. She as well as my sister and my s/o have been helping me through this terrible month. 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I stayed up all night with someone to help them through a tough time

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

If you’re under 18 be careful. If you’re over 18 as two consenting adults, you’re pretty much fine. If you’re a pedophile, fuck right off, mate.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think I literally ate dirt as a child???

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

A lotta my friends are getting signed on for top surgery and possible HRT, and like, I am very happy for them, and also I feel like garbage because this is something I’ve wanted for YEARS

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told my sister today

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Pj Liguori, Ethan Nestor, Chris Evans, Hugh Jackman, and Amy Nelson

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My sister

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Someone I was friends with a while ago at my first Fanime. My first real kiss was with my ex girlfriend

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

He sexually harassed his other boyfriend (I was friends with this other guy and we almost saw one another after we broke up with our ex fun fact)

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yeah probably

[vaporwavegirl]

2017 has been the craziest most emotionally damaging and most exhausting and weirdest year of my life. But through all have that I've met some amazing people and learned so much and grown up so much as a person I'm really started to learn about who really am and I've opened up and really matured alot this year. Started college and really starting to save up money and buying my own car and turning 18 and being given so much more freedom becoming so much more open and with my mother and forming such a close unbreakable bond with the women who adopted me and saved my life really was I was a baby. SHe and my father (who recently divorced) gave up alot to adopt me and my brother and raise us the best they could. We're not perfect and we definitely are difficult and mean and make stupid decisions sometimes but our parents despite going through alot them selves and our family struggling with alot of deaths and being broke and not having jobs for awhile have still done what they could to give us a good life. My mom is still there for me and is trying her hardest to take care of me and this year has been shitty but it has transformed me into an entirely new and happier and better person honestly. I've become much more spiritual and I'm so much I more in touch with myself .I'v been through alot but I wouldn't have it any other way it has been for the best. I have met so many of the most amazing people this year some of which were only in my life for a short time unfortunately. But I hope to keep in touch with these people and grow and thrive with them and I'm so happy I'm entering 2018 with some of the most amazing talented creative beautiful people I have ever have the pleasure of knowing in this life. This year is going to be about becoming an adult and making my way out of my mom's house and being on my own and figuring my future and my life out. I plan on moving across the country to the Washington /Oregon Seattle or forks or Portland or something because that's where i really feel like I belong and will thrive the most. I currently live in Alabama and there is nothing for me here except all the friends I've made. But I really feel like I want a fresh start somewhere completely new and amazing and meet many more new Amazing beautiful and live my life to the fullest. After Tonight I'm quitting all of my partying and drugs atleast until I get financially stable enough and atleast am moved out of my mom's house or am living on my own somewhere and I can afford to party and live my life a little so that will probably be when move to Seattle and weed and stuff is legal and it's more acceptable to be who I am up there. I'm quitting smoking weed for atleast like 2-3 months after today. Only reason I am not longer is because I smoke marijuana to medicate myself for my depression and anxiety and shit as opposed to prescription stuff because the stuff doctors give me just make me feel numb and not myself and I'm still low-key depressed. I'm only taking a break from weed to start saving up money and really try to focus and finding a place to move out to when I graduate around may and saving up to do so. Don't judge me but while I'm taking my few months off from smoking and I'm going to be selling a bit of bud to my close friends to make some extra money on the side because weed isn't quite legal here yet and it's a little difficult for my friends to get sometimes and it's going to help me out as a student who finds it hard to find a part time job that doesn't pay minimum wage (7.25 fuK THAT) and gives me decent hours it's always not enough hours for decent pay or they work me to FUCKING dEATH for shit pay and it stresses me out. I quit my recent job about a week and ago I'm started 2018 fresh with a new job starting pay a little above minimum wage at 8.50 an hour and after a few weeks I'll get a raise. They say I'll hopefully get decent hours like 25-35 a week and it's a small Japanese/ Asian/ pop culture shop owned by a Chinese lady that coincidentally has the same name as me and there's only like 3 other people that work there and they are all really cool good friends of mine that's I've met through cosplaying the past few years. So starting with a new hopefully better job. Starting off sober with my mind focussed on graduating cosmetology school and saving up money and working hard and getting my life together. The last thing I'll probably really spend money on and do for myself this year is Kami con at the end of this month. My family has helped get me different parts of my lapis lazuli (gem from Steven universe) cosplay for me as Christmas gifts and it is tradition that if at all possible I will do everything I can to attend each year and I have for the past 5 years and this year I will have my first legitimate good cosplay and I'm excited. But after that every bit of my money is to school tuition, helping my mom with the phone bill and our car insurance and groceries when she needs it and saving the rest for moving out and starting my future. When I move to Seattle and hopefully become successful enough? at cosmetology that I open my own salon that I'm hoping my unique edgy choice in hairstyles with be accepted and eventually apprentice as a tattoo artist and open a piercing/tattoo/body shop open up like with my salon that like a super weird dream of mine I had for awhile and honestly I'm probably not going to be good enough but I'm going work my ass off and be sober and focus on my future so I can reach my fullest potential I have been put through too much and made it way too far to not try and live my life to the best of my ability and do everything I can to really be happy and stable and eventually fall in love and maybe have a kid and honestly I truly believe I'm going to marry this boy that I've been on and off with since freshman year of highschool. We both lost out Virginity to each other after dating for the first like 6 months and that was the first time we dated which was almost 11 months after we broke up and went a little crazy and just kinda started dating random people not really for love just because I was so scared of being alone and I hated idea of it. So I just fucked around alot and never really had anything as serious as my dude (I don't wanna say his name but if u know me and ur reading this u probably already know who I'm talking anyways. We were distant and not even on speaking terms for maybe two years. After i grew up a bit and started actually making goals and becoming a young adult I contacted him and asked if he wanted to meet up and catch up on our lives and try to give being friends a shot. Its been maybe a little over a year since I had reached out and started talking to him again. We've tried dating again and we have been on an off since then and we both are young adults trying to figure out our lives and we are both struggling alot as far mental health because of the stress of having to grow up kinda and it just kept fucking up out relationship and my emotions were so all over the place and I was really struggling with trying to figure out what I need in life and how to be happy without have to rely on a relationship or drugs or material things. I had to learn how to enjoy the actual important things in my life like all the beautiful amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing in this life and how to cut toxic people and thinks and places out of my life if it's affecting my mental health and over learned that it's ok to be sensitive and to want to take care of yourself and have a good mental health. I've learned how to just live in the moment and to surround myself with positive vibes and only be around good honest genuine people that actually care about me and want me to succeed. I want the people in my life now to be people that I know forever and people that are going to be there for me in future. Anyways Over those two years me and the boy didn't talk i never got over him matter how hard a tried and thought I was and that i could potentially be falling love with some one. I just cant. I am in love with him and always will be no matter what. If i still feel so happy and deeply in love with him after.he broke my heart and didn't talk to be for 2 years I know this man is meant to be apart my life forever weather it is as my lover or as one of my closest friends. We are soul mates and I know that I will absolutely love him completely and unconditonally for the rest of my life. Those two years when I wasn't with him kept failing my classes in high school freshman and sophomore and was extremely suicidal and didn't give and fuck about school and even went to the mental hospital for awhile towards the end of my sophomore year and at that point i literally thought I was so stupid and worthless and not even worth the effort of living and being such and disappointment to my family and my friends because I could pass one class in high school and I had given up. Until my counselor transferred me to a kind of alternative school that I could do everything at my own pace and only do the essentials and stuff I absolutely need to learn instead of busy work and stupid shit like public school. This place had no semesters or exams or grades. It has 4 different very well educated and super cool and awesome genuine teachers that actually care about helping you get the best education and they really do care about their students and they are so passionate about helping these kids actually learn and have an opportunity to have a future. Theres one teacher for each subject and 5 councilors that the 70-80 kids are divided between them and it was such an amazing really healing place and i met some really amazing people that year and learned alot about myself and started doing art therapy and I got my work done and realized I wasnt actually stupid like I had been so sure I was but I'm actually very intelligent I just have manic depression and severe social anxiety and I just needed to start working on myself and start making the effort to keep myself happy and actually work on my life and be the person I want to be. After that year during summer I made the decision not to go back to public school for what would have been my senior year so as soon as I was 17 I dropped out of high school and got my GED and I started cosmetology school at 17 years old before my graduating class even finished there senior year. My GED teacher was also a councilor and i became very close to her and she's honestly helped me make a future for myself and she supported me and saw how smart I was and she would help me no matter what and still to this day if in need to talk or need help with something i can call her and she will 100% help me because she is such a good and selfless and kind woman that genuinely cares about me and my future. It's rare that you meet teachers that actually help their kids . I honestly made the decision to do whats best for me and my mental health and i got my career and life started as early as I could because I'm determined to live my life to the best before I'm too old or die super young I'm some crazy way because honestly life is so short and way too short not to do everything u can to just really be the best you can be and enjoy life and do what makes u fuckin happy. So starting this year I am being sober so I can graduate school and work and save money and start my life as a young independent adult. My teenage years have been so wild and I've been through so much but it's I wouldn't trade these last few years. I've met so many kind beautiful amazing souls and I've learned so much about life and other people and relationships and I've learned about happiness within myself and I've learned alot about who I am and what it really want in life. I've learned alot about my mental illnesses and how to cope with them the best way possible for myself. I've had some of the best and most amazing adventures and i made so many amazing memories so despite the bullshit I've been through in my teenage years and all the stress of becoming a young adult in this super fucked up world we live in today I know that I have made it this far and I become stronger and better everyday and I'm thriving and finally getting where I want to be. I'm becoming more content with who I am and I'm learning to love myself and be who I am and I'm so happy with the person I becoming and I know I'm going to continue growing and thriving and becoming a beautiful and amazing person living the best life I can. This started out as a new years resolution post but im on alot of stuff right now and I felt like I needed to just write about stuff. Anyways. Happy new years yall here's to a fresh start and then beginning of my life as I figure out how to be my own person. 2018 is going to be so fucking good

[lair-of-books]

April was a month FULL of bookish events online like the Social Distance Book Fest & YALLWEST that made it possible to attend Bookish events virtually. I personally was able to watch many panels for debut authors I’ve had on my radar as well as some favorites I’ve never had the opportunity to hear speak. For the Social Distance Book Fest, you can still watch the playlist on Youtube & they are ABSOLUTELY worth watching! My favorite panels included: Navigating Latinx Identity in Fantasy, New Voices in YA Science Fiction & Fantasy and Diversifying Romance. In the realm of books & what I watched, I’d say there really was NO method to my madness. I kinda just went with the flow & read when the mood hit vs. a more structured TBR. I also participated in Riley Marie & Ginger Reads Lainey weekend Smutathon as a last minute thing because by the end of the month my anxiety had seen a peak. Whenever this happens, I put the Fantasy heavy books to the side & go for some lighter reads. Now as far as what I watched…this has to be the STRANGEST month yet! Yes, Yes I did fall down the tiger hole that is the Tiger King & all things cats really smh! haha 😉

These are definitely not in the order I’ve read them but I figured I’d start with the steamy reads I p/u during Smutathon…

DESPERATE MEASURES – ✨5 STARS✨This reimagining of the Disney Princess Jasmine was NOT what I had expected at all in the best of ways! With her kingdom snatched away & her father thrown off the throne, Jasmine is at the mercy of Jafar who now claims ownership of their lands as well as Jasmine herself. This is a consensual non-consent steamy read that will never allow you to see Jafar in the same light again! I among fully invested in all Katee Robert books & can’t wait to read the follow up with Hades & Meg as the MC’s.

THEIRS FOR THE NIGHT – ✨4 STARS✨ Another Katee Robert novella, this was the Smutathon Group pick. HIGHLY enjoyable with A+ chemistry, this one sets the stage for a new series that features a M/M/F relationship. Our female MC is out for the night celebrating her birthday & trying to forget about her ever mounting debt. With her best wing mate she hits up a lounge where she meets two hella mysterious guys who look good enough to make her consider a threesome. SUPER intrigued to see where this goes seeing as there may also be a royal twist? we shall see!

YOUR DAD WILL DO – ✨4 STARS✨Ok so maybe it was an entirely Katee Robert weekend? SO WORTH IT! this author can write chemistry like no other! these short reads are packed with sparks that leave you wondering about the characters way after you’ve read the last page. This one features a taboo/age gap romance where the MC has just been dumped by her fiancé. Plotting her revenge she shows up at her exes dad’s house with a plan to seduce. That she does! but also she gets a lot more than initially planned. LOVED this!

MY DARK VANESSA -✨4 STARS✨ My darkest read yet! I don’t think any book has ever made me feel this uncomfortable. Following a MC in past & present tense, we get the story of Vanessa at the age of 15 as she is groomed by her teacher while at a boarding school. Present day Vanessa is still very confused about what to feel as she finds out she wasn’t the only one. That perhaps it wasn’t a special relationship she was having but actually a case of grooming. HEAVY trigger warnings for rape, suicide, drug & alcohol abuse.

RUTHLESS GODS – ✨4 STARS✨ (My Review) The follow up to The Wicked Saints took us to a very dark place! the characters we got invested in really show growth here & carry forth their battle wounds. The war between the Kalyazin & the Tranavians is reaching a climax with the underdog Kalyazin surprisingly flipping the script. There are some secrets that come to light & leave everyone questioning the Gods who may very well be more involved than ever. The war on land may just be a subplot to the real war taking place between the Gods. I’m READY for the final installment with will be mostly from Malachiasz’ POV…there is NO other villain in YA that currently holds a place in my heart like Mal! ❤

FROM TWINKLE, WITH LOVE – ✨3.5 STARS✨(My Review) This was an audiobook I’d say was just ok. I’ve heard from other fans of Sandhya Menon that this is their least favorite. I still plan on picking up When Dimple Met Rishi in the near future seeing as that’s an ongoing series with a strong fan base.

INCENDIARY – ✨5 STARS✨(My Review) Saving the BEST for last! Zoraida Córdova is my Favorite YA Fantasy author! bringing to our shelves Latinx representation in characters is something she’s been doing since the Brooklyn Brujas Trilogy. Here we have a Fantasy inspired by the Spanish Inquisition with a cast of characters that are being hunted & killed for their magical abilities. The Kingdom has turned its back on what they consider heretics & our MC Renata Convida at one point in her childhood was their most formidable weapon. Now that she’s back on the right side of the fence, it’s time to take down the Kingdom once & for all. BIG time page turner with tons of plot twists that will leave you jaw dropped!

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THE SOUTHERN BOOK CLUB’S GUIDE TO SLAYING VAMPIRES | CHECK PLEASE! BOOK 2: STICKS & SCONES

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BEACH READ & VALENTINE

*These are all ebooks I found for either $1.99 or $2.99*

BLOOD HEIR | THE LIBRARY OF THE UNWRITTEN | GODS OF JADE AND SHADOW | ONLY FOR A NIGHT | WHEN WE LEFT CUBA | DOMINICANA | XENI | RAFE | BRING ME THEIR HEARTS | KULTI 

What can I say about the circus that is the Tiger King on Netflix? this documentary-series made me lose track how many times I asked myself & friends…Is this real? LMAO! SMH Joe Exotic is quite the unforgettable character & this is the story of how his Zoo of Tigers was shut down starting with Carol Baskin who is cat activist on a mission to “save the cats” or is she? the jury is still out on Baskin. I binged this in two sittings not for quality but just entertainment.

This documentary is three episodes that are also highly binge worthy. We follow a group of cat lovers as they track down & help in the ultimate take down of a cat/serial killer. If anything this opened up my eyes at just how easy it is to track anyone down as long as they’ve left an internet fingerprint. The Facebook group that pieced together this puzzle as the killer released videos of him killing cats was PERSISTENT! it became a game of cat & mouse that as a viewer is hard to look away from.

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April Monthly Wrap-Up & Book Haul April was a month FULL of bookish events online like the Social Distance Book Fest & …

[magnoliasinbloom]

Someone to Stay - AU

Previous chapters

Chapter 4

At noon, Claire found a spare moment to grab her mobile and text Geillis, on the off chance that she would be on break too. 

traitor. what did u say to him about me?

She waited a full twenty minutes before the phone buzzed in reply.

technically, nothing. i told Rupert, ye ken? ;)

what did u say specifically to Rupert then?

oh, only that you workd at the University College Hospital A&E, 235 Euston Road, London, NW1 2BU. ur lucky i didn’t give him your home address. 

Claire gripped the phone, mildly wishing it were Geillis’s neck. So throttling it was, not hugging as previously considered.

well, he showed up here. chased frnk away, as it were, nice surprise. and he asked me out for coffee.

!!!!!!!!!!!! :O :O

TECHNICALLY, dinner, but i’m afraid i can only do coffee. For now.

claire, i must get back to wk, but i am calling you later. don’t even think about not taking my call. OK?!?!?!!!

Claire allowed herself a small grin. alright, we’ll talk later.

She put her phone away, but it buzzed one more time.

u must name one of ur future bairns after me!

Claire stuffed the wretched thing in her pocket and walked away, leaving all thought of blue-eyed, red-haired children behind.

_______________________________________________________________________

The lavender sweater hung inside her locker, while Claire just stared at it. It was 5:45, and Jamie was due in fifteen minutes. Should she change out of her scrubs, put a bit of makeup on, or just stroll out in her nurse-wear, tennis shoes, and tangled curls?

“Why am I even debating this?” Claire muttered to herself, before slamming the locker door shut with a clang. After washing her hands at the sink, she pulled a hair tie out of her purse, making a messy bun on the top of her head. If Jamie was the sort of man that cared much about a woman’s appearance, then she wouldn’t want to go out with him after this anyway.

In her navy pea coat, Claire stepped out of the hospital, bundling herself against the chill in the air. At six on the dot, Jamie turned the corner, in a simple white t-shirt, jeans, and that damnable leather jacket. Noticing Claire immediately, his face broke out in a sunny grin; he came right up to her and gave her a brief peck on the cheek.

“Hello, Claire. I’m glad to see ye didna change yer mind.”

“Hi, Jamie,” Claire managed, still a little stunned at his greeting. “I almost did, just now, wishing I had worn something else. You look very… well, James Dean comes to mind.”

He laughed, deep bass and staccato. “Ye look lovely. I’d love for people to see I’m out with a  doctor.”

“I’m not a doctor,” Claire amended with a smile.

“Not yet.” Jamie extended his hand toward the street. “Shall we?”

That hand found its way to the small of her back, there but not touching, and Claire did not know what to make of it. She imagined it was him not pushing himself on her, letting her take the lead—and she liked him for it.

In shy, comfortable silence, Claire walked them to a nearby café she frequented with the other nurses. They sat across from each other and ordered from the waitress, black decaf for her, and cream and sugar for Jamie.

“Could we get some scones with clotted cream please?” Claire asked. The server nodded with a smile and swept away to fetch a plate. “They’re absolute heaven,” she explained to Jamie, helping herself to a steaming scone.

“Did ye eat properly today?” Jamie probed. “Seems like they work ye to the bone.” 

Claire smiled. “I had a sandwich from the hospital cafeteria.”

“I’ll no’ have ye go hungry. Please, let’s order something more.” He raised his hand to signal their server, but Claire brought it back down. A tingle shot across her skin and she withdrew hastily. 

“Perhaps later.” So you are considering a ‘later’, a voice piped up in her mind. Claire shut down this inner monologue with a long sip from her cup.

“So Claire…” Jamie brushed his hand against the back of his neck; this was a gesture she had seen before and thought oddly endearing. “I’d like to apologize for asking yer friend Geillis for information on where to contact ye.”

“Oh.” Claire blinked. “There’s no need really.”

“She told me ye changed yer number ye see,” Jamie continued, with red-tipped ears. “And I certainly wasna goin’ to show up unannounced at yer doorstep.”

“It’s fine. It’s nice to see you again.” She looked down at the table and breathed deeply. “I guess you should know what took me to that bar in the first place, weeks ago.”

“Only if ye care to tell me. I assumed Frank did something bad.” He stirred another sugar in with a nod for her to continue—if she wanted to.

“Frank cheated.” Claire swallowed hard. “I caught him in the act, you know—” here Jamie winced in sympathy—“and I fled to Edinburgh to see a friendly face. Geillis helped me drown my sorrows.” 

“And then, like a wee idiot, I asked ye backstage and you thought I wanted—“

“I admit, I was a bit flattered.” Claire grinned, remembering. “Mostly annoyed though.” 

“Were ye?” Jamie’s eyes gleamed, teasing. His hand lay close to hers on the table. Her fingers twitched involuntarily, and she took the spoon off the saucer instead. The waitress refilled their cups and lay down a fresh plate of scones.

“A bit.” Claire inhaled the sugary yeast of the bread, the sharpness of the coffee, and the spicy scent that was him. “It’s been a month. And you were right, it’s still raw and hurting. Less than yesterday, but more than tomorrow.” She tried to keep the bitterness from her tone, and almost succeeded. Her eyes met his honest, open gaze and she thought he understood.

“I suppose that’s how it goes. One day at a time.” Jamie squeezed her hand briefly, unawares, and too soon let go.

Flustered, she bit into a warm scone and licked the crumbs off her lips. “Tell me about your tour, then. Seemed like an awful lot of cities in such a short time.”

“It was hellish betimes, lass. It helps that we are all genuinely good mates and we love what we do. Ian’s my brother-in-law, ye ken?”

“I didn’t! He married your…?”

“Sister. Jenny. I’m an uncle four times over. They’ve managed to carry on despite the long distance.” Jamie’s blue eyes sparkled in remembrance of his nieces and nephews.

Claire smiled and raised her cup to the mysterious Jenny. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Aye, and abstinence too, apparently.” The Scottish burr of rolling r’s ensnared her into a feeling of warmth and security long forgotten. Claire laughed, and it felt good to laugh, openly and truthfully, cleansing her heart.

Jamie took a bite of a scone liberally spread with cream. “Ian’s always been by my side. We’re childhood friends, and wi’ Jenny always about, it only seemed natural for them to get marrit.” When he spoke with emotion, his accent got thicker, she noticed.

“And the rest of the band?”

“Cousins. And our manager is our uncle, Murtagh,” said Jamie.

“All in the family indeed. And why music? Don’t get me wrong, you’re very talented,” Claire clarified as Jamie cleared his throat in amusement.

“Even though ye had never heard of us before?” His eyes gleamed with humor.

“Geillis would have told you, of course.” Claire blushed.

“Weel, my da took me to a concert when I was eight years old, to see U2. They played in Edinburgh at Murrayfield Stadium. The first notes began and it was puir magic—how everyone responded and I thought, I want that someday.”

Another comfortable silence stretched between them. The sky outside had darkened rapidly into November night. Small flakes were falling; they melted as soon as they brushed against the window. It had been an hour—or perhaps two, Claire wasn’t keeping track, to be honest—and even more surprisingly, she didn’t want to leave.

“And ye, why nursing?”

“I suppose I like helping people. I was always fascinated by the first aid tent at Uncle Lamb’s expeditions and digs. He was an archaeologist. I had a most unusual upbringing.” Claire grinned into the dregs of her coffee when Jamie looked taken aback. “I know how to dig latrines and light fires and the proper procedure for cataloguing priceless ancient artifacts.

“But it was healing that attracted me. When men from the dig would come in, hurt or sick, and I could help do something for them. And I hope to continue doing that, when—if—I get into medical school.”

Jamie tapped her hand with a long finger. “So ye are plannin’ to be a doctor! I knew it! It’s a relief, bein’ certain about what it is we want to do in life, isn’t it?”

“Frank always said he was jealous, that I’d always known what my calling was,” Claire said. “He wasn’t always an arse.”

The waitress came over with the check and an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry to toss you out, but we’re closing soon. Would you mind cashing out with me? You don’t have to leave yet, though.” Jamie gave her a dazzling smile and pulled a £20 note.

Noting Claire’s glance at the bill—far too much for what they had consumed, even with tip—Jamie explained, “I always felt guilty about spending hours and hours at cafés in Scotland and only drinkin’ water. Now that I can, I like to make it up to others.” He put the money on the small tray and told the waitress to keep the change.

That brought to mind their previous coffee encounter. “If the tour’s over, why are you in London then?” Claire asked.

“Och, I live here,” Jamie answered.

“I thought you said you lived on your family’s farm, Lolling- something?” Claire said, confused.

“Lallybroch,” Jamie corrected gently. “Aye, that’s home, but not where I live. Verra important distinction.” He tried to wink, but was apparently incapable of it; he managed to blink with both eyes and nod at the same time, which made Claire burst out laughing again.

Seizing her hand suddenly, he looked eagerly into her eyes. “A friend of ours, Hugh, owns a bar here, Duke’s. He’s asked us to play this weekend, and we said yes, as a surprise for his patrons. He’s a good lad, he gave us one of our biggest breaks early on.”

Claire sat unmoving, staring distractedly at their hands together and trying not to notice that tingling sensation that seemed to develop whenever their skin came into contact. Trying not to get caught in the intense azure of his gaze which she was studiously ignoring. If she looked, she would say yes. Yes to anything he suggested or wanted. And it felt like too much, too soon.

“Jamie—” 

“Come. Please. I’d really love for ye to be there, Claire. Bring Geillis if ye like—I know Rupert would.”

“I don’t know.” Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me. “It seems complicated. I mean, you’re James bleeding rock-star Fraser and you seem all kinds of perfect. I can’t deny you’re attractive. That I’m attracted to you.” Just say it. “I’m drawn to you—this—whatever this is. But my head… it’s not there yet.”

Jamie’s thumb circled her palm, eliciting uninvited sparks. “And yer heart?”

Claire flushed red. “Oh, Jamie.”

“I’d like to try for it. As long as it takes. I’ll be here—you can have whatever you need from me. I’ll wait, Claire. I’ll stay.”

[peakyxshelby]

Stay

Michael x reader

Request: “Hey, me again asking 4 something, could u please write something where the reader is with the blinders(kills 4 them)she and Michael are an item, she sees him fuck Charlotte at the wedding and kill someone idk helping Arthur or gets involved in the fire”

Authors note: Changed it up a tiny bit hope it’s OK

Warning: Swearing, fluff, violence

You were pottering about the betting shop waiting for a family meeting the first time you met Michael. You were at the family meeting because Tommy is technically your legal guardian for another year before you turned 18. Thomas and your brother, Matt, had grown up together and when our parents died Matt was your only living family left. When the boys went off to war Polly looked after you, as you were only a year older than Finn you all became very close. Matt didn’t make it back from the war and Tommy refused to ship you off to a family you didn’t know so at the age of twelve Tommy took you into his family and signed himself up to be your legal guardian.

Polly walked in proudly showing off her son. You were polite and happy for Polly but you don’t know what it was about Michael that you didn’t like you just really didn’t like him. About a week later he was standing munching on a tomato and reading some papers whilst standing in your way.

“Move.” He looked at you in shock. This was pretty much the first time you had spoken to him and he pinned you for the shy type.

“If you ask nicely.” You weren’t having this.

“I said get out of my fucking way,” You say grabbing the tomato out of his hand and barging him in the wall and out of your path.

“Bloody hell.”

“Words of advice newbie, stay on that one’s good side,” John warned Michael, John admired how fiery you were not like a typical young woman.

“She’s just a girl what’s the worst she could do.” Michael scoffed. This made John chuckle.

“Mate, she works for us illegal business and all she’s killed more people than half the men in this place.”

Things went on like this, awkward and sour, for about a year before one night he was walking to the Garrison with Isaiah when he saw you outside crying.

“(Y/N)? I’ll be in a second.” He said to Isaiah before coming over to you. “Are you ok?”

“Do look like I’m OK?”

“What happened?” You stayed quiet you didn’t want to tell him your stupid ex-boyfriend kept being forceful and hurting you, you knew he’d get Tommy who would kill him.

“Nothing.”

“Shit must be bad then.” You looked at him confused. “Well, you’re not one to hold your tongue are you?” He quickly wiped away a tear from your face and hugged you comfortingly. It felt safe like you belonged in his arms even though you didn’t get along. “I’ll be back in two seconds.”

“Right who the fuck made the girl cry? Who was it?” By the time he had come out of the garrison he had bloody knuckles and a split lip. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He whispered approaching you slowly. You were embarrassed he knew. Everyone around here thought you were strong, one they shouldn’t mess with. But know Michael knows you had been taken advantage of. You were weak.

“Who told you?”

“A few people pointed fingers, but that’s not important.” He held out an arm for you to take before walking you home. When you got in he helped tuck you into bed and when he walked away you grab his arm.

“Stay.” and he did. He climbed into the bed as you snuggled into him.

About 6 months had past and since then you two had got along like best friends. You had a little thing with him going on, but it was mainly when the two of you were drunk or you were just alone. No one else knew exactly but accusations started flying around that you two were an item.

“So (Y/N), what’s the craic with you and Michael?” Arthur asked ruffling your hair that you had just combed, as he walked past you. You huffed walking over to the mirror as Arthur laughed at your stroppiness.

“Literally nothing, I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“Nothing eh? I don’t believe that.”

“I couldn’t think of a more repulsing situation,” You say whilst pulling a face indicating the thought of you and Michael was gross.

“She couldn’t get me even if she wanted to.” Michael walked into the room hearing your conversation with Arthur. You rolled your eyes at this cheeky remark.

“I have stuff to do I’ll leave you two love birds to it.”

“Repulsing huh?” Michael said pushing you into his office then closing the door behind him. Placing kisses up and down your neck.

“Just a bit.” You hopped up on the desk while Kissing Michael roughly and passionately. Things were getting a bit heated when someone shouted you. “(Y/N)!” It was Tommy.

“Yeah?”

“I’m off home, you’re staying with John and Esme tonight remember! Michael will take you to the church in his car tomorrow! I’ll see you then!”

“See you Later!” You wrapped your arms back around Michael’s shoulders. “Well, it looks like you’re my driver tomorrow.”

“Are you going to be my date to the wedding then?”

“No that’s a bad idea, Michael.”

“I don’t think it would be that bad.”

“Yes, it would because if we go together you’ll see me in my new dress dancing around and you’ll fall in love. And you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

“And why’s that.”

“I’d break your heart.” You both laughed at this because you both knew it’s partially true. You couldn’t really be involved with each other that much otherwise business would get messy and more personal and both of you understood that. But you did both like each other, the feelings were there. Neither of you letting them show.

Tommy and Grace’s wedding was beautiful and now the party was in full swing. Michael came over and sat next to you offering you another whiskey when you already knew you maybe had had one too many.

“You’re trying to get me drunk!”

“I think I’m too late.” he giggled sitting back in his chair. He reached under the table and started stroking your inner thigh.

“Michael don’t.” You grabbed his hand looking at him holding it for a couple seconds.

“Why the fuck not (Y/N)?” This was when you knew you were both too drunk and you really didn’t want to be the one causing a scene. Not today.

“I’m not talking about this right now?” A young man came over dressed in a cavalry uniform smiling at you.

“Can i offer you a dance?” You looked at Michael who was staring at his hands and decided that it wasn’t like he was going to stop you. You took the man’s hand and took to the dance floor. After a while of laughing and dancing you had spilled some whiskey down your dress. Polly went to call over one of the maids to clean you up but when she came over you simply asked. “Where’s the laundry room? I’m in need of a towel.”

You had made your way through the maze which is Tommy’s house when you finally got the laundry room. You swung the door open barging in when you saw two people going at it on top of one of the counters.

“Oh my goodness!” you say bursting out laughing and turning around so you’re not facing them. “I am so so sorry.” You started to close the door to leave.

“Shit.” You knew that voice, It couldn’t be Michael. You didn’t want to look. “Shit. Shit. (Y/N) you weren’t meant to see that.” You turned back round keeping on a strong face and looked at Michael.

“Good on you Michael.” You laugh trying to make it seem like you were happy for him.

“(Y/N) wait.” You quickly closed the door behind you cutting him off. Your chest started to heave and tears started streaming.

“Fuck this.” You started running through the halls of Tommy’s mansion. You didn’t exactly know where you were meant to be going to. You were honestly in a bit of a daydream until you saw a gun slide past you in a crossing corridor. You could Arthur struggling and fighting some man. You normally don’t get involved with violence unless it’s well planned out. But right now you couldn’t care less what would happen. You were filled with rage and adrenaline. You step out of behind the wall grabbing the gun and standing on the guy’s hand as he tried to reach for it.

“(Y/N) get out of here!” Arthur yelled pinning the man to the ground locking his arms down so he couldn’t move. You crouched down on your knees next to Arthur putting your face next to this other man and holding the gun to the middle of his head.

“Don’t fuck with the peaky blinders!” Bang. The trigger was pulled as you were covered in a splatter of blood.

“Shit… We need to get you cleaned up before any of the girls see you. Shit. (Y/N) bloody hell what were you thinking you could’ve got yourself killed.” You sat on your knees as the tears started to pour from your eyes, Arthur wrapped a strong arm around your shoulder. “It’s ok kiddo.”

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” you heard Michael coming closer as he was searching for you through the halls. When he finally reached you and Arthur he froze. He saw the gun beside your hand and the blood splatters all over you.

“I need to go outside, will you get rid of this?” You asked Arthur who nodded whilst helping you to your feet.

Once you got outside you let it all out. You screamed and kicked the wall whilst taking big deep breathes of fresh air.

“Are you ok?”

“Are you joking?”

“Look you were off dancing with some boy I wasn’t going to sit around waiting, you should’ve known that.” You said nothing, still breathing heavy trying to keep yourself together. After a few long moments, you sat down against the wall.

“I told you, you weren’t allowed to fall in love with me, that didn’t mean i wasn’t going to fall in love with you.”

“Wait. You love me?”

“I guess so.” He stared at you, the strong girl that just killed a man now slumped against a wall absolutely broken. He did that. And he hated himself for it.

“I loved you too, you hid me away. You hid us.” You sat in silence for another few minutes before you eventually started to get up off the ground.

“Oh well, not like it matters now anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“We were never friends were we? We either hated each other or had feelings and there was never an in between. I think we need to back to the first.”

“Don’t say that, don’t do this.” You started to walk away back towards the entrance of the house. “(Y/N)! Please stay..” But you didn’t, you couldn’t. Michael watched the girl he finally admitted he loved to break down in front of him and the girl he admired to be strong enough to pick herself up and walk away.

[rokurookajima]

once again filling my evening answering questions nobody asked

cherry turnover:  who do you live with? 

i’ve lived by myself for three months now!! it’s cool and there are some things that are really nice about living totally alone like truly never bothering anyone with the shit you’re doing. but im tryna move in with evie soon and we’re hoping to have a place by mid june!!!! we just looked at some today and im jazzed  bananas foster:  do you believe in soul mates?

yes absolutely but like in a specific sense. i don’t believe everyone has like one singular soul mate, and i don’t believe soul mates are exclusively romantic. but i completely believe there are people you’re cosmically supposed to meet, and that sometimes the odds are all against you meeting but you still do, and when you finally meet there is some kind of feeling like you’ve either known each other way longer, or you instantly know they’re going to be so important to you. i think i’ve met more than one soul mate by that definition in my life. one was the guide of a travel group i went on a trip with when i was 16, and i only knew him for a week but we both connected so strong and instantly, and both were clearly affected by it i think we both walked away differently. i’ve never seen him since then and i cried a lot the last day of that trip. but like it definitely wasn’t romantic?? it was just some kind of deep soul connection. i also think you can have friendships that are gonna last forever and those are pretty close to soul mates too. basically i have a lot of very romanticized ideas about people you meet in your life  glazed donut:  would you rather visit a zoo or an aquarium?

prob an aquarium  pumpkin pie:  what were your interests as a child?

i really fuckin loved dinosaurs when i was rlly young, like preschool and kindergarten age. i liked cool rocks a lot too, i had a ton of geodes and crystals and those little stones you could buy at like museum giftshops that i kept in boxes and would just look at all the time. i was rlly obsessed with harry potter when i was like 8 i think that was when i first read the books and there were only five at the time. late childhood (like 4/5th grade) i loved cats on probably a weird level bc wow yeah i was a warrior cats kid, also loved pirates a lot  lemon tart:  how many languages can you speak?

just one unfortunately. i wish i knew a second language but alas  chocolate mousse:  how is your relationship with your parents?

it could probably be better, but i guess it is a lot better than a lot of people my age have. i love my parents but they’re rlly problematic people, and even tho they didn’t mean to, they are the biggest reason i have a lot of the issues i have, and they still do shit that perpetuates it. it’s better in some ways that i don’t live with them now, bc i think some parts of my mental health like my self image are better bc i’m around way more supportive people than them. but also i feel bad bc i don’t make as much of an effort to talk to them as i should since i don’t see them every day. me and my mom have always been pretty close, and i don’t want to lose that. they try sometimes  creme brûlée:  describe your style

american apparel lmao which i can only keep saying for like the next YEAR before that won’t define anything for people. but 4 real a good portion of my wardrobe is from american apparel, and when i shop else ware, it’s still pretty consistent with that style. like very basic cuts and colors of things, only pattern i ever wear is stripes, highwaisted everything, cropped everything. i only wear black white gray and green i am a stereotype  cheesecake:  have you ever visited a sex shop?

lmao yeah more than once. there’s a couple around where i live that i’ve been to a few times, and one in columbus. i’ve never bought anything at one, or gone there with like the intent to purchase stuff. they’re just honestly so funny to walk through and be horrified by the enormous dildos  raspberry sorbet:  favorite clothing stores?

wow i can’t say american apparel anymore im so sad. so uh. i honestly don’t know where im gonna get most of my clothes now. forever 21 and h&m are always good places to find some cheap stuff. i wanna thrift more, but i never seem to have very good luck at finding stuff  green tea ice cream:  who was your first crush?

lmao it was milo thatch from atlantis. but i assume we are talking about a real person that i actually y’know like. could speak to. which was my tumblr boyfriend that i met when i was 17. i met him in a fandom chatroom i ended up in through some other tumblr friends, then kinda started getting some feels when he posted a selfie after we’d already talked in the chat and i was like oh no he’s hot. so wowie a tragic tale of star-crossed lovers  chocolate chip cookie:  how has your life changed over the past year?

i can’t even start to say how much my life has changed over the last year. truly, i don’t think there’s ever been a year in my life that i’ve looked at and been so in awe of how many things happened. but yeah last spring-this spring i went through so many life experiences and firsts and personality changes and struggles and some of the happiest days of my life and by far the fucking worst days of my life. since april last year, i fell in love for the first time, had a real relationship for the first time, became a lot more social, got really close to some of the people i’m now closest to, got high for the first time, lost my virginity, went to big parties, got a lot more social, met a lot of people, saw a lot of new sides of life, questioned a lot of my own beliefs and came to new ones, left the country without my parents, traveled out of state completely by myself, got my heart completely destroyed for the first time, attempted suicide, thought my life would literally not make it to this point, moved out of my house, lived on my own, got stronger, figured some shit out, hooked up with someone at a party, had casual sex for the first time, now i’m hoping to move again in the next few months. i know some of that is like. not actually that exciting, and a lot of it was shit that most people do for the first time in high school, but it was a lot for me. i ended up in a world and lifestyle that i used to write fiction about and romanticize the hell out of, and never thought i’d actually live it first hand. so rlly this last year was fuckin wild for me and in a lot of ways i feel like i’ve aged 60 years, and i’m tired from that much all in one year, but i’m also still kinda naive and clueless so what can u do  berry trifle:  first & last concert you went to?

so wow i don’t go to real concerts. the first was probably some christian band with my family. the last. does the american murder song wake tour count? that was kind of a concert  tapioca pudding:  favorite animated characters?

WOW let me fuckin TELL u my favorite animated characters. number one will always always always be revy from black lagoon. i have never loved a character that much in my life, everything about her is so good. she’s such a goddamn disaster and so well written and complex and so much more than just a typical bad ass female archetype. i love that it’s not just headcanon to read deep into her personality, it’s a huge point of the series. i love that on the surface she is just like. a bad ass with no feeling. then u actually get to the end of the series and she is actually a CHILD inside who is so fuckin insecure and she LOVES ROCK SO MUCH i wanna die. also lust from fullmetal alchemist esp the 2003 anime fuck me ALL THE WAY UP. ed elric, and truly everyone in fullmetal alchemist what a series what a cast of characters.  fudge brownie:  do you like your name?

sometimes. i used to really hate it when i was younger, now it’s changed some. i like still don’t like it when i say it out loud probably bc people 100% of the time think i said cindy and i have to correct them every dang time. but like that i can shorten it to syd which i also used to hate bc toy story (i was a kid ok) but now i like it. there are also those times where people you like say your name and it makes u feel some type of way??? i like it then. so i guess i like it most when other people are saying it u feel me strawberry shortcake:  are you good at keeping secrets?

i mean if it’s my own, absolutely not what the fuck is a secret i am a tragic over sharer about my own shit. but other people’s, yes i’d say so. i feel like a lot of people feel comfortable enough to tell me things they might not tell other people, and i don’t ever feel like it’s a burden to keep a secret y’know?? so it doesn’t like eat at me and make me wanna tell people  tiramisu:  are you daring when it comes to makeup & clothing or do you like to play it safe?

uh i guess somewhere in the middle. like the way i dress isn’t rlly how everyone dresses and i guess in some crowds would be considered pretty different, but i don’t know if its daring bc its not like....that adventurous or out there. esp bc i only wear neutral colors lmao. same with makeup, for the most part, it’s pretty simple but every now and then i like to do something fancier. i feel like the most daring things about me appearance wise are like having a lot of piercings and tattoos??? so y’know make ur daring shit permanent i guess im not that edgy lmao oreo milkshake:  do you sleep a lot?

i feel like i sleep a pretty average amount. i wish i could sleep more bc i’m tired all the time, but way more i wish i could sleep less. i love the idea of being able to just naturally get up early and have so much time in the morning to do shit and enjoy the morning. and i like staying up late. but i’m always tired and even tho i have to get up early most mornings, it’s still a constant struggle and i wish it wasn’t. i’ll sleep pretty late when i get the chance tho

apple crisp:  how do you relax?

guess it depends on what i’m feeling. i like to take baths a lot, or just chill and watch movies and stuff. i love having relaxing hangouts with friends, like just chilling watching movies with people and not needing to do anything else. i wanna do more quote-unquote relaxing stuff, like read and write more, go to yoga classes, shit like that carrot cake:  who is your celeb look alike?

i’ve been told more than once i look like krysten ritter so i will go with her. it’s the bangs macaron:  what is your ethnicity?

white af cinnamon bun:  favorite salty snack?

wow salty snacks are my VICE i love salty shit way more than sweet things. fuck man i love chips of all kinds, i’ve been eating way too many hot cheetos lately, french fries, mcdonalds hash browns, i’m gonna have blood pressure issues from how much i love salt 

[workeatandsleep-blog]

About Me

Welcome to my Blog

Well I'm Gert,(not my real name but if you know me you know why I'm called Gert)

I'm now a single mum of three Beautiful Children MJ, AJ & Tidge .

at the age of 7 I was diagnosed with a Carcinoma in my leg, I remember the hospital visits and the medicine that made me sick, but not much, I don't know if that's weird but I don't remember much before being 10 I think.

I was told at 8 I was a lot better and that I didn't need the medicine to make me better anymore as I was better, after that its been ok.

I met my husband through friends as a teenager , we were on and off as 15 yr olds and went through phazes with boys in high , My first ever proper boyfriend Was Patrick he was tall lanky and to me he was great, he had been dating my friend Maz for 2 weeks I was gutted when she told me as she knew I had the biggest crush on him, anyway she felt guilty and and dumped him, I worked the courage up to ask him out and he said yes, we lasted 4 months, he was into the gothic scene which i'd never got into and his mate Callum was a pain fir interfering with us, He dumped me ,well no his mate Damo did and I was so  upset, I remember walking out of school and cying in the park,

do you know what I did, 2 week later his other best mate Craig, and I kissed him when I knew pat was coming , He didn't like me for that but I thought screw him.

He ended up dating Maz's Identical twin sister Shell after that.

At the age of 16 I started a job as a YTS (Youth Training scheme) I started at Bay trading and when that began to shut I was moved To River Island, for working 40 hrs  a week on £1.25 an hour £50 a week, I could hardly live on it, but I did with £10 to go out on a Saturday night and get drunk.

I did this for a year and got my NVQ level 1 in customer service,

I got My level 2 in Reatil management too still at river island,

I decided i'd had enough and I went on Holiday with my mate Laura for my 18th birthday, we went to Salou and we loved it, we loved the bar we went to everynight we decided to stay I quit my job at river island and we stayed in salou for 5 months we came home in November, when Laura's sister said she'd met a guy, and he had a mate, I wasn't intrested as I was going back to spain in march I didn't need a fella.

but u went with her to see her new chap and there stood her chap and my husband, i'd not seen him since I was 15. we laughed it was like old times we hung out and when it came to going back to Salou, I declined I had feelings for my husband.

we married 1 year later and a year later after our wedding had our first , 19 months after our first we had our second and tidge 7 years later.

we spilt up this year when I discovered he cheated on me for the third time, I called it quits my heart could cope with it again