#the gay panic makes me- 🥵

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

Me on Tumblr: *pretends to be super smooth and flirty and open about her sexuality and stuff*

Me in real life: *blushes because the cute waitress smiled at her, even thought being nice to customers is literally part of her job, and isn't able to speak for the next minutes*

[salvador-daley]

Sauna Klaus x Dave

Umbrella Academy smut 🍑🥵

Author’s Note: So, the other day, my husband told me about our town’s gay sauna and how there was a whole documentary about it. I didn’t ask him how he knew all this, but I did watch the documentary.

Anyway, then this happened.

All my other WIPs (Dead Sexy, Chained and High Altitude) are still ongoing and new chapters for each are coming soon - I just really needed to get this smut out of my system. (I’m sorry!)

Enjoy, filth fans! If you like it, leave me some comments and I will read them over and over while lying on my bed in the foetal position because they are my primary source of dopamine. 🧡🧡

Summary:

Dave goes to the sauna for the first time.

It goes… very well.

Snippet from Sauna:

He is beautiful - but not in the way a man is usually beautiful - in the way the Grand Canyon is beautiful. An awe-inspiring, breath-taking, all-encompassing beauty. His cheekbones and jawline are razor-sharp, his eyebrows thick and expressive, his eyelashes long, his goatee finely manicured, framing a wide, warm smile. He is so radiant, he’s almost painful to look at. Like the sun.

“Wow, you’re…”

“Invading your space, I know. I hope you don’t mind - I just have this damn tricky shoulder, I’m hoping the heat will help to loosen it up.” The man massages the top of his arm for emphasis.

Fuck, his arms are beautiful too.

Dave shakes his head “No, no, that’s fine.” He doesn’t really know what to do here, he’s been thrown off by that face, those eyes, those arms.

He panics and sticks out his hand. “I’m Dave, by the way.”

The man looks down at the proffered hand as if Dave just offered him a rubber chicken. Instantly, Dave realises his mistake; he has forgotten the primary purpose of places like these - anonymity.

A bemused smile crosses the man’s face, the kind one reserves for the quaint idiosyncrasies of a foreign tourist.

“A names guy, hey?”

It’s like Dave has suggested some new, weird kink and he’s deciding whether to go for it or not.

“Okay, then. I’m Klaus.” Klaus takes Dave’s hand and gives it a hearty shake. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Read the rest on AO3

Tagging because I crave your approval: @badsext @softforklave @anglophile-rin @neist @maerenee930 @firstpersonnarrator @allisoooon @cemeteryklaus @super-unpredictable98 @pickledbeefwastaken @love-is-dirty-baby @rina-cydonia @inspiremeandsetmefree @jender123 @vonkimmeren @narnianaos @sylvertyger @merrilark @shaneen828 @spideyxalmighty @faceache111 @rob-private @pietro-t1me @not-oscar-wilde @squishitude @courtneytarynofficial @spookyfbi @kawaiic0mmunism @wcrmboy @yeah-klave @thislovelylife @kaufmann-6 @hullosweetpea @crisecardiac

[fandomfluffandfuck]

https://www.tumblr.com/hiwitch/76340626481

just want to preface that i am overcome with horny thots abt seb getting his teeth checked out, fingers getting all over that lil snaggletooth he has, pulling out his plump lip that seb likes to bite when he's self-conscious abt them... just wanna shove some digits in there, keep his mouth open and drooling y'know? 🥵

[Link] to a gif of a guy standing there, having his teeth/gums examined by someone else. You can't see the other person, just their hand and forearm coming into the gif.

I 👏🏻 love 👏🏻 this 👏🏻 idea 👏🏻

Suddenly, I am struck with an AU idea... Chris' dad is a dentist, yeah? Sebastian has an oral fixation, yes? Sebastian's had his teeth fixed... you see where I'm going with this, huh?

I'm not taking requests right now, but I couldn't help myself... 👀

Sebastian moves to a new area, his old dentist retires, his usual denist doesn't specialize in teeth aesthetics (straightening, whitening, etc.), or whatever you want to imagine happens happens. But, either way, Sebastian is in need of a new dentist. So. Enter Chris Evans.

Dentist Chris Evans.

The most fucking handsome man Sebastian has ever fucking seen. Let alone the most handsome dentist he's ever laid eyes on. It makes Sebastian's appointment the best, worst experience of his life. The dental hygienist was lovely, lively, and happy; talking to him as if their hands weren't in his mouth and he could actually respond. The usual in a positive way. But this...

This man standing in front of him is not the usual.

He knocks on the separating wall between this little dental area and the next, asking the hygienist, "you ready for me?"

They hum, "yup, just one second," finishing up.

And Sebastian gets exactly half a second to panic before the dentist--Chris, the hottest man he's ever seen in his life--sits down on the stool the hygienist was just sitting in. Close enough to touch. Jesus. He's gonna touch him.

God.

Not like that.

But--

In his dreams.

Sebastian tries to hide his shiver, je can't entirely. But, either way, if he notices or not, Chris is just as friendly and lively, maybe even more so, introducing himself as "Chris" rather than "Mr. Evans" or "doctor of dentistry Evans" or anything reasonable. Just his first name. It's a good name. He's so fucking handsome that Sebastian is happy he can't gurgle out any sort of response, as excused by his hands in his mouth.

His... very, very large hands.

Thick fingers.

Long fingers.

Wide palms.

Biiiig hands.

Big but gentle as he examines his mouth and the hygienist's work.

Sebastian can't open his mouth wide enough, and Chris' hands are too large for his tongue not to rest against some part of his hand as the exam stretches on. Sebastian feels strangely embarrassed about it. He doesn't want to--

He does want to lick his hand.

But he shouldn't be!

It's harassment!

He shouldn't be licking his new fucking dentist's hands!

Sebastian is shaken out of his gay panic by Chris' equally handsome voice, "you bite your lips a lot?" He searches through the little tray of tools at his side. Rustling around.

"Uh," Sebastian flounders, "yes? How did you--should I, should I not? Am I being," he coughs, "doing. Am I doing something b--" Seb cuts himself off before he says 'bad.' He. No. He doesn't need to think about being bad or good right now. Not right now when he's on his back, and he couldn't possibly hide--

No.

Especially not in these pants.

Shit.

"Your lips are very red," Chris explains, shrugging one shoulder and finally selecting another little tool.

"Oh." Sebastian swears he sees the dentist's blue eyes dark down to his lips, getting stuck there, and swallowing thickly. Seb has to restrain from biting his bottom lip again now. "Okay?"

"Try not to," Chris teases, drumming his fingers against his shoulder. Friendly. "You wouldn't wanna hurt yourself."

Sebastian feels himself flush hot. He's being friendly. It's endearing. This is a good, happy atmosphere. Any undertone in his smooth, deep voice is a projection from Sebastian.

This is his job.

This is his job, Sebastian reminds himself. His propensity for handsome men, big and tall, and their commanding voices and imposing looks and slipping their fingers (and other things) in his mouth should not be brought into this place of professionalism.

Fuck.

"Open for me?" Chris interrupts his thoughts again. Good fucking thing.

Thoughtlessly, Sebastian obeys.

"Hm..." Chris' eyebrows pull together behind the frames of his glasses, "a little wider." He waits for Sebastian to obey listen. "Good. Thank you."

Sebastian burns hotter.

He closes his eyes for a blink but ends up someonewhere else. He's not laid back on a dentist's chair. He's laid back on a bed with his head hanging off the edge of the mattress, mouth open for inspecting, possessive fingers testing his gag reflex and admiring his pink, wet tongue and the velvet-soft insides of his cheeks before sliding his cock in. In his mouth. Down his throat. Choking him. Making him cry.

Fuck.

Sebastian tries to swallow the excess saliva suddenly pooling in his mouth with his mouth wide open, Chris' hand still in his mouth. He chokes. Chris backs off and pats his shoulder, dimly telling him to take his time and apologizing while Seb turns redder and redder and boils alive in his heated embarrassment.

Once his coughing fit is over from his actual drool going down the wrong pipe, Chris tells him, "you have really nice teeth, by the way. Can I ask why you're here interested in straightening. That was it, right? Sorry, I only briefly got to look over your chart."

"Uh, it's okay. Th-thanks," Sebastian is apparently not going to stop blushing any time soon. "They're crooked, though."

Chris shrugs, "nothing wrong with crooked teeth unless they're causing you pain." He looks around conspiratorial, when he finds that the dentail hygienist has made themself scarce, he whispers, "I'm not supposed to say it, but I happen to think crooked teeth are cute."

Is--

Is he being hit on?

Sebastian nearly squeaks as he says, "really!?"

"Yeah," Chris offers easily, "they've got character."

They look at each other for a moment. Sebastian is... captivated. He's so goddamn attractive.

"Yours aren't hurting you, right?"

He totally is hitting on him. He has to be! Yours as in your cute crooked teeth! Right!?

"No?" Sebastian should know he's not hurting because of his teeth, but he can't help but cower wonderfully under his authority. So, it comes out as a question.

"That's great!" Chris says, "oo, what's the story then?"

"I, uh," Seb stutters, "I'm on camera a lot."

Chris raises an eyebrow, a mischievous look in his eyes, "camera, huh?"

Sebastian covers his face with his hand, he's blushing so hard that he's melting in this fucking dentist chair. This is how he dies. "I'm an actor," he clarifies. Or. No. That makes it worse. "Not that kind of actor," he says in a rush.

Chris laughs with him, pleasant. "Well," he shrugs, "you never know with the characters we get around here."

There's an undertone with how his gaze lingers on Sebastian... like maybe Chris thinks he has the looks of someone who's on camera in that way. That kind of actor. A porn actor. Sebastian is flustered but not really because flustered is an understatement.

"So," Chris goes back to his examination, "actor, huh?" Sebastian struggles to make any sort of affirmative sound. He's struggling to breathe. He's struggling not to take the familiar sensations of fingers in his mouth and suck. Chris is so handsome, and he keeps touching him. Right now, he's dragging his fingertips over Sebastian's gums under his top lip, "I assume you'll be interested in whiting, too? Not that you need it."

Sebastian barely nods.

"Actor..." Chris murmurs to himself, "I'd ask you what I've maybe seen you in, but I don't think I've seen you in anything. I don't want a ton of TV or movies and--"

Sebastian must imagine the feeling because he, he swears he can feel Chris stroke his index finger down the inside of his cheek.

Oh, God.

"I would've remembered a face like yours."

Oh. God.

Sebastian is absolutely hallucinating sensations. Chris did not--he did not press two fingers down in the flat of his tongue.

Unless--

Sebastian makes a mortifying, mortifying sound. A little whimper.

"I think..." Chris pulls his fingers from his mouth, a string of saliva connecting Sebastian to the blue latex over his thick fingers. He removes them with a sharp snap, snap, exposing his veined, wide hands with just the appropriate amount of hair. How is there an appropriate amount of body hair?

What?

"I think the plan for you will be to come back in and see my colleague so he can set you up with invisalign and a few whiting sessions. Nothing major."

"Y-your colleague?" Sebastian stutters, he should sit up, but he's not--

He feels like he's spinning. He's maybe, maybe not hallucinating being hit on. So--

"Yeah. I," is it his imagination, or is Chris blushing? "I would rather not see you professionally again--"

Professionally?

"--Because, and I'm sorry if this is presumptuous, but I would rather see you somewhere more casual, maybe a coffee shop? Maybe dinner?"

"Um," Sebastian thought he was blushing before, it doesn't hold a candle to whatever the fuck redness must be staining his cheeks now, "anything?"

Chris grins, wide, "perfect."

Sebastian can't help but match his dopey expression.

So, Sebastian goes home with the number of very, very attractive dentist and a place and time for their first date. However, he so doesn't go home and fist himself desperately, on his knees, next to his bed like he's praying before he goes to bed, mouth wide open, moaning, imagining Chris' touch slipping between his lips, fingers warm and slick but much less gentle and definitely not covering with the thin, thin barrier of latex. Seb doesn't want anything between them.

Seb wants to taste Chris on his tongue. He wants him to hold his jaw in those big, hands. He wants to know every curve and crease of his hands. He wants to feel him curl his fingers and tug on his teeth. He wants him to stroke the inside of his cheeks. To circle his lips, tugging at them. To press into his gums. To press down on his tongue. To gag him. To choke him. To make him drool. To try to make one of those huge hands fold into a fist inside his mouth, stretching his lips, forcing tears from his eyes, and making him shake with pleasure. He loves having his mouth full. And he has the feeling that Chris' hands are not the only thing that would stretch his lips, make him choke, and open his jaw wiiide.

Guh.

[p-taryn-dactyl]

for the requests (if they’re still open!!) anything agatha related!!! always thirsty for the hot mommy witch 🥵🥵 - ☁️☁️

Heartbeat Out of my Chest

a/n: look…i am very gay and recently, i’ve been having severe cases of gay panic taking over my life so yes i turned it into a fic you’re welcome (and yes, my requests are open, im sorry this took me so long)

prompt: librarian!fem!reader catches the eye of agatha

word count: 1.1k

warning(s): gay panic - there’s no plot, only projection

this picture of kathryn owns my ass

this is how i imagined agatha in this fic

Your long skirt brushed against your ankles as you danced through the rows of books, singing along to the music playing from your phone. Your shift hadn’t officially started yet but you couldn’t sleep a moment longer and so you headed into work an hour early. It was moments like these that made you love your job. The peaceful stillness of the air, the smell of new books flooding the air as you stocked and catalogued the shelves, the ability to let loose a bit before patrons started to stroll through the shelves.

“…I’m so in love that I might stop breath-AH!”

You sang along to the lyrics turning around to grab another book and practically jumping out of your skin. Leaning against the wall, staring at you with intense blue eyes, was the woman who made you forget how to breathe. Agatha Harkness. She was new to town, only being in the city for a few weeks, yet it seemed like she was set on making her mark. Specifically, her mark on you. For the past couple of weeks, Agatha had been showing up right as the library opened and leaving right as the clock struck 11. Sometimes, she would sit curled up in a chair, reading the books you recommended with a soft smile, drinking chai from the cafe just down the block. Other times, she would do what she’s doing now, stand on the other side of the room, trapping you in her gaze.

“Oh, uh, you-you scared me!”

You rambled out nervously, your eyes looking everywhere but her as your heart beater rapidly. Agatha merely cocked her head to the side, smirking slightly as her eyes raked up and down your form. Heat flooded your face as you too inspected your outfit, slight embarrassment building within you. You wore a long pleated skirt, with a white collared button down shirt tucked into it and held into place with a belt. A tie was loosely hanging from your neck but you still felt the phantom tightening, strangling you. You loved this outfit, it allowed you to live out your dreams of being Evelyn O’Connell. Nervously, you fiddled with the tie around your neck, moving your eyes to stare at the pile of books on your cart, hyperaware of Agatha’s unwavering stare. You heard her push off the wall as you reached for a book to awkwardly continue shelving. The music you had been dancing to paused and you looked up to see Agatha holding your phone.

“What,” you swallowed down your stutter, inwardly cursing yourself at your nervousness, “What are you doing?”

Agatha finished typing whatever she was doing and looked up, making direct eye contact with you. You were frozen, the book in your hand drooping slightly, in danger of falling to the floor. She raised an eyebrow, like what she was going to say was obvious.

“I have to contact you somehow, I can’t risk someone getting to the books first.”

You nodded, laughing nervously.

“Books, we have those, yep.”

Your eyes widened and you trailed off as Agatha slowly walked to you, her smirk growing larger as your heart rate increased rapidly.

She knows what she’s doing, you thought, somewhat angrily, and she’s enjoying it

Agatha came to stand in front of you, handing you your phone. When you reached out to take it, you felt Agatha’s fingers brush up against yours.

You thought you would surely die with how fast your heart was beating. Soon, it would beat right out of your chest.

“Any recommendations?”

She asked you, somewhat innocently, like she wasn’t staring at you like a tiger would its prey. You gaped at her before looking down at the pile of books then back up at her then back down at the books. Blinking, you snapped out of it, nodding with excitement as you grabbed a new installment, the fresh cover cracking pleasantly in your hand. You handed it to her, rambling about the plot with enthusiasm. You had read the book the night previous and were desperate for someone to rant about it with.

“It’s called Furyborn. It’s about this fantasy world heavily influenced by angels in one century, fueled with magic and something called the Emperium, and in the other century, these things are thought to be myth. It follows two girls, thousand years apart, living separate but somehow connected lives. Oh and there’s also a prophecy about the Sun Queen and the Blood Queen, one to save their world and one to destroy. Also-”

It was like you spent hours rambling about the book, trying your best not to reveal anything to the woman in front of you. After a while, you trailed off, once you realized what you were doing. Internally, you scolded yourself. Agatha had been flirting with you, you had just realized, and you spent well over twenty minutes describing a book. She probably stopped paying attention a while ago. Sighing, you handed Agatha the book and she took it somewhat hesitantly, slight concern in her eyes. You turned away, positive Agatha would walk away. As you started shelving the books again, you felt a hand on your elbow and you looked up. Agatha was now kneeling on the ground next to you, where you had squatted down to put a recently returned Moby Dick back in its place.

“You didn’t finish.”

Blinking, you looked at her in confusion. Agatha sighed.

“The book, Y/N, you didn’t finish telling me about it.”

You stood up, the surprise of someone actually listening to your rambles shocking you. Agatha stood as well, leaning against the bookshelf with her swagger that sent sparks down your spine. Looking around, you noticed that people had trickled in, not noticing them when you were speaking to Agatha. A line had just started to form by your desk, with people patiently waiting to check out a book. You looked back at Agatha apologetically, biting the inside of your cheek

“I rambled too much, I’m sorry, it seems I have customers waiting. Maybe I could finish later?”

You couldn’t deny that your last sentence sounded childishly hopeful. Agatha smiled, nodding.

“Let someone take the afternoon shift today, Y/N. I’ll be at the cafe down the street at two. I’ll save you a seat.”

It took you a minute to absorb her words.

“Like a, like a date?”

Now your word’s definitely were dripping in hope and slight panic. Agatha took a step forward, pulling you close to her with your tie. Yep, your heart would beat out of your chest at any moment.

“Finally you understand. Yes, like a date,” she pecked your cheek lightly, the kiss lingering on your skin as she walked away. She spun around, walking backwards and pointing at you, “don’t be late.”

As you made your way back to your desk, you had a giant smile on your face. One customer congratulated you, making a joke as you scanned out her book.

“It’s going to feel weird without the tension in here everyday, hope you enjoy your date, Y/N.”

a/n: did i give this a sudden ending? yes. is that because i would’ve written thousands more words on this dynamic? also yes. I hope you enjoyed this little projection not plot fic and thank you for reading!!

[jenny-from-the-bau]

Pottery throwing: Emily wants to finish her piece so she stays late and JJ is setting up the kiln. So JJ like takes off her shirt and ties her overalls around her waist. So she's fully rushing around half naked.

Emily is all 🥵. Makes a mistake because she can't focus. JJ sees it happen and is all Ike "let me help you." Grabs some of the slip and works her hands over Emily's. Then JJ sits behind her and starts controlling her hands. Emily is full gay panic.

Kdjdjahf combine with the heatwave and JJ def works in her sports bra when the kiln is on and Emily like totally wobbles the plate and her pot goes flying. JJ is like "oh no! Here, I can show up how to steady it" and like does the Ghost thing hahaha Emily is literally shaking bcs she's only in a tanktop and JJ is like all muscle hahaha

[cozycreaturescorner]

That picture of you made me gay panic a bit 👀🥵😳

hahafsgg i'm so glad <3 i strive to make as many people panic about how gay they feel about me as possible

[maeum-your]

I STILL CAN'T THINK so you'll get my uncensored notes for now until I can form proper thoughts tomorrow. have fun 🤐

Y/NS MUM YOU STUPID BITCH GO AWAY

Jimin and y/ns backstory is cute sorry that i suspected you

now I want to know who i am when i'm drunk... guess we'll never know

Jackson on a party 👀 getting flashbacks

WHO IS BITING HERE?? WHAT IS GOING ON??

Kissing after puking? Wtf

Even more biting... let's see if the Vase survives

she's looking forward to see jay, i'm screaming

Jake 💀 don't try to flirt anymore please

Sunghoon and jimin yes please

ENDASH MY FAVORITE GROUP

LIA WTF I WAS SIMPING FOR YOU FOR A SECOND

fuck lia i was in love with you for a second

My suspicion was right but i didn't know choi jisu was lia, fuck me

JAY BLESS YOU THANK YOU OMG

JAY IS WORRIED WE ARE WINNING TODAY

BABY??? WTF

HANDS AGAINST A WALL I CAN'T BREATHE

THEY'RE KISSING THEY'RE KISSING

HUH?? ROCKING BACK AND FORTH WTF WHY ARE WE MOVING SO FAST

NOT HER BLACKING OUT

NGL I AM LAUGHING SO HARD RN THIS WAS LITERALLY ME WHILE WRITING, REWRITING, EDITING AND THEN PROOF-READING AGAIN AND I HAD TO SUFFER ALL BY MYSELF TOO 😭😭😭

at least her mom didn't bother her further but it could've ended way worse 😕

i felt so bad for not really giving jimin much of a personality since i added her to the group as a last minute decision so i decided i needes to build on her character a bit more!

i get annoyingly clingy when drunk so i'd be all over that jass 🥵

i couldn't make jackson be the host of the party but i still needed him to appear somehow HSLSHSLDJ

NO ONE'S BITING AKDJWJSH yet...

true i wonder if the vase survived 🤔

jake is trying so hard but maybe he just shouldn't I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU JAKEY

I'm rooting for jimin and sunghoon, i hope he can change is horrible player ways 🤧

the gay panic was real and then it just turned into panic LMAOOO

AHH HANDS AGAINST THE WALL WORRIED JAY KISSES MORE KISSINGLSJSKDH PROBABLY WITH TONGUE BUT I FELT TOO AWKWARD TO DESCRIBE THAT AHH NO BECAUSE IT GOT SO HORNY SO QUICK WHAT

[femmeidiot]

I feel like I keep saying this but. every time I see one of your photos I genuinely have to lie down and compose myself for a moment - you are SO beautiful it genuinely makes me flustered and activates the gay panic dial up to 11 🥵🥵🥵

Oh stopppp you’re too kind this is very nice and I’m blushing ☺️🥺