#the guard dog energy in the first half of season one?

[jammatown919]

At least up to the end of season two (where I’m currently at) you could maybe tell me Sammy is just super friendly with Yaz and I’d have my doubts but you could get away with it. But if you watched all the same episodes as me and told me Yaz isn’t already catching feelings I’d slap you to wake your ass up.

[sugar-petals]

a major astrological event is ahead: LION’S GATE (August 8th)! here’s what to know about it with some more interesting facts.

NAMING. it’s called that way since it always happens during leo season and roughly functions as the gate of the first half of the year to the second. in other words, it’s the ‘portal’ of our calendar.

THE SKY. astronomically, the earth aligns with the star system of sirius during those days. it’s visible at sunrise so we basically have ‘two suns’ which is called a heliacal rising. in the meantime, the much theorized-about orion’s belt stands directly above the three giza pyramids which looks just marvelous. there are several perseid meteor showers, too.

NUMBERS. it’s the classic double cipher 8/8 date. the 8, besides being the infinity sign and the month of leo, symbolizes power, upgrade, and wealth in numerology. it makes sense how many affluent and political buildings have two lions at their portal and powerful companies sport the lion symbol. 

COUNTRIES. and it’s on countless banners & flags! these countries will be influenced the most by lion’s gate: Fiji, Finland (state flag), Montenegro, England, Scotland (royal banner), Paraguay (reverse side), Spain, Sri Lanka. Something big will go down in Hollywood, too: leo’s astrological house is the 5th which represents entertainment!

ARCHEOLOGY. there is an actual majestic lion’s gate with two statues respectively located in hattusa, turkey, and also a smaller one in mycenae, greece. HD pictures linked.

NATAL CHARTS. if you have any planets in leo, they’ll snap into fruition these days. see what house leo falls into, this area in life will blossom. your sun sign and 5th house will also be in the focus.

CELEBS. famous people born august 8 are tennis player roger federer, singer shawn mendes, youtuber corpse husband, the drag queen kim chi, k-pop stars choi seungcheol (group: seventeen) xiaojun (group: wayv) and younghoon (group: the boyz). so, you’ll hear from them these days.

WITCHY. it is said that you can spot increased synchronicities, repeating numbers, prophetic dreams, and opportunities to manifest faster during that time. leo as the sun’s domicile means: big energy boost.

MATERIALS. associated with sirius are beryl crystals and mugwort. in the animal world, it represents the tongue of the snake. the perseid meteors are said to dance on perseus’ blade so the sword and knife is an important artifact these days.

CONJUNCTION. sun conjunct sirius represents success in business, blossoming fantasy, honor, renown, guardianship (a good gate always has a guard!), fame, money, and the color gold. the co-animal is the dog because sirius is part of Canis Major.

[archerofthemists]

My own personal headcanons and theories for Tyrian's childhood. No he doesn't NEED a tragic backstory but damn it I'm gonna give him one

Warnings: death/hate crime/faunus racism

(I love how the theory that Tyrian was in a faunus circus as a kid is so wide spread. Maybe we'll get lucky and get it in cannon)

Tyrian was born in the poor outskirts of Vacuo. It unfortunately was a very racist and hostile place to grow up. 

Tyrians mother Iris Callows was a single mother. Tyrian never knew his father, a huntsman who had died before he was born. 

Iris was a scorpion faunus as well. When Tyrian was first born, she carried him on her back in a cloth baby sack the majority of the time, including while she worked in hot fields, miserable work that was typically done by faunus who desperately needed the money. 

Iris loved her little scorpling dearly. He was always a little ball of excitement and energy, the sunlight in her dark and lonely world.

They were poor, but she gave Tyrian the best life she could provide. She did her best to protect him from the outside world where she knew all too well the horrible things that could be said and done to her child. 

Due to little money Iris did her best to homeschool her son, however as a young and single mother with no one to turn to, and working a full time job to keep food on the table, it was hard and Tyrian's education was spotty.

Despite this, Tyrian was a very happy child. He had a good imagination and kept himself entertained by playing in the desert that surrounded their small home. 

Tyrian was six years old when his mother left him. Or, at least that's what he believed. 

When harvest seasons were over, Iris would work odd jobs in the kingdom, trying to make ends meet. 

Tyrian had entered a very bratty phase, growing to an age where he wanted other friends, real people. Iris didn't know how to explain to him how dangerous the world was. She wanted to shield him from its ugliness, but deep down she knew she couldn't do that forever. Even other faunus had shunned her due to her dangerous trait. Faunus with their own venom were almost unheard of. There was the occasional snake faunus that happened to be venomous, gifted with a lethal set of fangs, but certainly nothing as obvious as a powerful tail, tipped with poison.

To this day Tyrian can't quite remember what sparked the fight. All he remembered was he and his mother were yelling at each other and in a fit of anger his tail had swung out and broken something. It had been something made of porcelain and had been precious to Iris. It was one of her few possessions that her husband had given her before his untimely death.

Tyrian still remembers the pained look in his mother's eyes, the tears that welled and eventually streamed down her pale cheeks.

He immediately began apologizing as his mother scooped up the broken pieces, shaking her head.

"Please don't be mad…"

"I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed."

Tyrian watched her leave. She had to get to work and being faunus she was already on thin ice. Being late at all would surely result in being fired. 

Tyrian felt guilty and gross. He'd never seen his mother cry before. He didn't like it. He spent most of the evening scrounging the house for glue and desperately piecing the figure back together. He was sure that it would make his mother happy when she came home from work late that night.

Only she never returned. As far as Tyrian knew she had abandoned him. He had been a bad child, a bad son and his mother had left him alone because of it. He waited for days but eventually the little food in the house ran out and Tyrian knew he would have to leave at some point. Maybe someone in the kingdome could help him? But no, his mother had warned him all his life about how dangerous humans could be towards their kind.

However, she had left him no choice, had she?

Wandering around the edges of the kingdome, he slipped food from vendors and went mostly unnoticed. His tail was wrapped snugly around his waist and looked like a belt, no one gave him a second glance.

However, a vendor's large dog had smelled him and recognized the smell of a faunus. Tyrian had unknowingly wandered into a humans only section of the markets. The dog, trained to attack at the smell of faunus did not hesitate to lunge at the small child and Tyrian responded quickly. Almost without thinking he struck the dog dead, his stinger buried in its furry chest. 

Of course this gave away his cover and the vendor began screaming at Tyrian for killing his dog. 

Out of nowhere a tall man came up behind Tyrian and gently placed his hands on the child's shoulders. "I'm sorry sir, my boy here still isn't used to the great kingdoms. I'll happily pay for your dog."

The man had a rugged looking top hat and goatee with intense eyes. Tyrian quickly felt terrified of the man but he was in no position to run either.

"There are no faunus allowed here!" The vendor yelled. "Get that little killer shit out of here! Screw your money!" 

The man didn't hesitate to lead Tyrian away from the market and soon found himself in the desert where a big red tent was set up. 

"You have family, son?" The man asked.

"I haven't seen my mother in a few days." Tyrian admitted. "I was bad and she left me."

"That's no way for a mother to treat her child." The man cooed as he leaned down to Tyrians level. "Come with my circus. I promise, we'll never abandon you."

Tyrian quickly learned that the Ringleader was not as kind a man as he pretended to be. Years of performing on the high wires (with no net below if you fell) onlookers laughing and always throwing things. Yanking his tail and Tyrian wasn't allowed to even say anything, no matter how much it might hurt. 

Whippings, no food for days and being locked in a tiny cage if you did something wrong. No one could blame Tyrian when he finally snapped. The circus had been near Mistral when he finally killed the Ringleader and Brothers it felt good. 

As for Iris, of course she never would have abandoned her precious boy. 

It was after her shift had ended and she was walking home she was attacked by a group of faunus hating humans. They caught her off guard, and had brought an axe down on her tail, cutting off the better half of it. Iris was no huntress, she did not fight. She kept a blade on her for protection, but against five bigger opponents, it hadn't done her much good. (Although she did manage to drive it into one of their thighs, and he died of blood loss.) But it didn't keep her from getting killed herself. 

As a faunus, her death was not investigated. No one bothered to find out if she had family. There was no one to tell Tyrian the truth. 

[connladraws]

Not enough RikuRoku in the world, I gotta do it myself. This ship meme shall have to do. 

big spoon/little spoon: Riku is the little spoon, unless it is the case where he is sleeping flat on his back and Roxas is laying face down on top of him. Riku just likes being held yknow?

favorite non-sexual activity: Sparring is high on the list, since they’re both naturally restless and have been fighting for too long to really relax normally.  When they aren’t expending their excess energy via beating each other with blunt force weaponry, Roxas has taken a shining to dragging Riku to the Twilight Town open theater to watch movies together.

who uses all the hot water: While Roxas takes his showers scalding, he’s also in there for 20 minutes at maximum. Riku is the one who takes long, albeit ICE COLD, showers.

most trivial thing they fight over: Arguments are inevitable. It’s almost in their nature to squabble. Currently the top cause of these squabbles is Riku’s tendency to put all else above his own well being, which while not trivial, is the only thing that really could qualify as causing them to FIGHT.

who does most of the cleaning: Roxas. Riku isn’t necessarily messy but Roxas is used to an almost militant sparseness to his surroundings and thus any clutter that is “out of place” needs to be tidied up or it’ll bug him. Actual chores are divvied up between them

what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue: Neither of them really is huge on TV, and generally prefer the occasional movie, theatrical performance, or just reading a book. That being said, Olette DID get Roxas hooked on this ONE teledrama...

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: At first? Neither of them. They’d both make some effort to fix it, Riku likely coming closest to actually doing so. It’s sort of a contest to see who will swallow their pride first and cave.

who steals the blankets: Amazingly? Neither. Riku doesn’t like sleeping with blankets unless he absolutely HAS too, but neither Destiny Island nor Twilight Town get cold enough for that. Roxas just sort of sleeps like a deadman, so moving around enough to actively steal blankets isn’t something that happens.

who leaves their stuff around: Riku. His jacket over there, his boots over here. A water bottle in the bathroom, a hair brush in the kitchen. It’s been a while since he’s had a safe space to actually call his own and he’s resorted right back to all the bad habits of his younger self when it comes to house keeping. Whenever Roxas is over he almost auto-pilot starts to put things away as he comes across them.

who remembers to buy the milk: Neither. Remember what I said about bad childhood habits? Riku keeps putting the empty milk cartons back into the fridge and then gets frustrated when he tries to make a midnight bowl of cereal only to find it empty. Roxas at least throws the carton out but then forgets to go to the store.

who remembers anniversaries: Both of them. Roxas is INCREDIBLY date orientated and can probably tell you the exact date of most things just because he keeps track of it constantly in his head. Riku is just extremely sentimental like that.

who cooks normally?: They make efforts to do so together. Roxas never really had to cook and Riku’s method of cooking often involves freshly skinned kills and an open campfire. They’re BOTH learning how to navigate a kitchen.

how often do they fight?: Depends on what you define as a fight. They’ve both calmed down substantially but often have little spats with one another. These rarely ever turn into anything, though when they do... They’re EXPLOSIVE. Unfortunately for them both, Riku and Roxas are both capable of achieving a FRIGHTENING rage. They’ve both since learned to excuse themselves to go cool down, but sometimes this can take several days in Roxas’ case. It’s a good thing they’ve learned how to actively talk to each other about how they’re feeling.

what do they do when they’re away from each other?: With Roxas it could be ANYTHING. He’s a dog let out its cage. Who will he hang out with today? Axel? Xion? Namine? Kairi? Hayner? Pence? Olette? All three? Will he go challenge Seifer to a brawl? Will he spend the day helping Isa in the garden? Will he go head out to Departure for some training sessions with Aqua? Maybe go boarding with Ventus? Get some pointers from Terra? Riku is far simpler since he’s become QUITE the workaholic. You can usually find him in Radiant Garden, Departure, or Destiny Island unless he’s out on an active mission.

nicknames for each other?: Neither is quite the type to nickname each other but Riku will drop the occasional “babe” on Roxas.

who is more likely to pay for dinner?: It’s a back and forth thing. If either of them does do more than once, it could start a squabble. Unspoken rules. Unless it’s an actual date, in which case the rule is put aside depending on who is taking who out at the time.

who steals the covers at night?: Neither. Unless it’s ACTUALLY cold. In which case, Riku. Though his version of cold is perhaps... Debatable.

what would they get each other for gifts?:  Roxas tends to pick up anything that makes him think of Riku. Which could be anything from a shiny rock to a bottle of lotion to a necklace. He’s not shy in giving gifts. Riku on the other hands tries to get things that he knows Roxas will like or otherwise needed. So far the best gift (according to Roxas at least) has been the at-home ice cream machine. It gets a center stage spot in the kitchen.

who kissed who first?: Amazingly it was Riku. He still asked though. Was fully expecting an angry “No” too. They both caught each other off guard <3

who made the first move?: It’s honestly hard to tell. Somewhere along their efforts of trying to bury the hatchet and become friends they kind of realized that they’re rather similar people who share a great number of philosophies and views. And those that they don’t, they tend to find interesting in the other. They both sort of danced around each other at first since they both figured there was no WAY they could possibly be anything more than very tentative friends at best. It wasn’t until Riku came out and asked Roxas if he could kiss him (and Roxas saying yes) that they both FINALLY realized it was a mutual thing. Even then, it took a while for them to figure out what exactly they wanted to be.

who remembers things?: Roxas. Always, Roxas. It’s not that Riku has a bad memory, it’s simply that Roxas’ is superhuman.

who started the relationship?: The actual relationship itself was started by Roxas. Both in terms of platonicism and romanticism. Riku carries a lot on his back about how he and Roxas first met and has been very adamant about letting Roxas set the pace for things. Which honestly suits Roxas just fine, since he rather enjoys being able to have some control over situations.

who cusses more?: Roxas, by a small margin. Neither of them curses EXCESSIVELY but Roxas was “raised” in a castle full of adults and let’s be real, he learned about HALF of those curse words from Axel and the other half from Xigbar. Riku isn’t shy to cuss but it’s usually not dropped so casually. If you hear him say “Oh fuck” you might want to start running the other direction.

what would they do if the other one was hurt?: It’s perhaps not... The HEALTHIEST mindset, but they both have a thing about the other getting hurt. It’s a sort of strange pattern where it’s FINE if they hurt EACH OTHER but not if anyone else does. In their head, it’s justified by the logic that they know each other’s limits. They’d never actually hurt each other to the point of it being debilitating because they know each other and themselves well enough. That being said, they can both get a little wrathful and helicopter-y when the other suffers an injury that can’t just be curaga’d away. Roxas more so wrathful and Riku more so helicopter-y.

[givemeonebreath]

A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. 

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again.   We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one 

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death   “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything 

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling.   But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through.   In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you. 

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this  But I just don't have the patience anymore 

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover   Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again 

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation  The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream  And you want to shout But you've built up steam  And you can't let it out This is pressure 

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years  Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides  To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides  To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so  So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water  Can't go on Can't go back   Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard  

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it  My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?"  Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

[codenamebaphomet]

Name: Uersang (Guerra which is Spanish for war and Sang which is Norwegian for song, so basically WARSONG) Title: Singing Star Dragon Monster Class: Elder Dragon Element(s): Thunder Ailment(s): Thunderblight, Paralysis, Deadly Poison, Bleeding Weakest To: Fire (☆☆☆), Dragon (☆☆) Susceptible Status: Blast (☆☆☆) Sleep (n/a), Stun (☆), Paralysis (n/a), Poison (n/a) Immune To: Thunder, Ice Weak Point(s): Head, throat Size: Large Related Monster(s): Meteorburst Uersang (Variant) Signature Attack: Event Horizon

Info: The first thing anyone will notice about this dragon is that it communicates using its vocal cords to create a plethora of songs. Every roar, growl, howl, hiss and screech has a musical undertone that varies depending on this monster's mood and what it's trying to communicate. Second thing to notice is that the thunder and electricity it generates is hot pink in hue. This monster also has very small particles embedded into its scales that glitters in the light so if one flies low enough during the night it'll look like a distant shooting star while a wispy song trails behind.

Because they make their homes in the stratosphere and are seldom ever seen on land there's not much known about them.

Habitat & Diet: This elder dragon makes its home in the lower parts of the stratosphere where temperatures are freezing giving it an unnatural tolerance to the cold. For the most part this creature spends all day and night flying through the stratosphere. It does this by gliding to save energy. It requires a lot of hydration which it easily gets as it flies through clouds when it flies down to the troposphere where it collects water vapor to hydrate. Uersang doesn't require much food but its diet consists of fish. On the rare chance it touches ground it's been known to eat Aptonoth and fruit.

Abilities: Despite the fact that this elder dragon spends most of its life flying it has a poor chance at winning dog fights. Before attacking Uersang will give off a warning, its usually calm singing roar will turn violent and loud. If ignored it will strike the enemy hard and force it to land by paralyzing it. Once on the ground it will stand on its hind legs, spread its wings and give a secondary warning roar. If the target ignores this second warning it'll commence attacking by overwhelming the target with incredible speed and thunder attacks as well as an array of status effects. Uersang likes to get close and personal as its saliva is toxic and each bite will cause deadly poison to the hunter. The edges of its wings are sharp enough to cause bleeding. It can also envelop itself in crackling electricity after which it'll accost the hunter with a barrage of physical attacks such as body slams, hip slams, tackles, headbutts and tail slams that can cause paralysis. However, it does have a few ranged attacks to get the hunter off of it. It'll stand on its hind legs and let out a roaring song that'll cause lightning to strike it 5 times and as it runs through its body, this causes no harm to it, the lightning will be released through its back feet and spread on the ground in a ripple affect with small gaps in some areas. Being hit by the ripples will cause medium to high damage and leave the hunter with thunderblight. It's signature move, called Event Horizon, sees Uersang letting out a powerful roar that'll cause hunters to flinch, it then goes flying high into the sky and once it's high enough it unleashes a catastrophic white beam of energy with hot pink lightning crackling through and around it. The beam is targeted at the hunter it locked onto before it took to the sky but the lightning will spread through the entire arena causing tic damage that can kill if the hunter doesn't have a full health bar and/or full thunder resistance. Eating health items usually negates a faint but it has to be done fast. Those caught in the beam vanish without a trance only leaving behind a smell of burning flesh. It's possible to block Event Horizon but only if using Guard Up, however, 80% of your stamina will be used up and there is some significant recoil especially if blocking the beam.

The longer the fight goes the more aggressive, faster and angrier Uersang becomes. It's best to concentrate on the head to get the two breaks which will slow it down drastically. Easier said than done though, its habitat has shaped this monster's entire body to become extremely hardy. On top of that it WILL notice when hunters concentrate too much on its head and given the fact that THAT is its weak point it will use a combination of range and close attacks to prevent serious injuries to its head.

Pre-broken head 2x: At this stage Uersang's thunder is not as potent but its speed is grueling. While the thunder element won't do catastrophic damage it can build up due to the constant attacking

Post-broken head 2x: This stage sees Uersang moving at a far slower pace but its thunder element is heavily increased. It does more ranged attacks and tries to keep any threat away from its head. It will continue to fight until it perishes or the threat is taken care of.

1 head break: At this stage Uersang is at its deadliest. It's already been injured so it needs to prevent further injuries to its delicate head so it interchanges between ranged and close combat. Its thunder element has gotten a boost in power but it lost a small portion of its speed.

Behavior: Uersang is an extremely docile monster. When it lands, as rare as that is, it will explore, eat, drink and relax. It's been known to let humans and wyverians get close though not too close. In even rarer occasions if it doesn't feel like the humans or wyverians closing in are a threat it'll stick around, some reports say this monster has been known to play around in the snow and is no stranger to chucking snow at anything or anyone near by to bait them into a bit of play. It might even get curious and approach a human or wyverian as it seldom gets to see them.

However, it's best not to agitate this monster as it angers quickly and retaliates even quicker. For the most part it's docile and calm but it severely lacks patience. Once it's engaged in a fight it'll go all out until either it dies or the threat dies.

Researchers have reported that even when this dragon lands it doesn't land to sleep. This is because during the day one half of the brain shuts down while the other is active. At night the active part shuts down and the other activates therefore this monster never needs to sleeps.

During breeding season Uersang will partake in risky courtship rituals high in the stratosphere and when it comes time to lay eggs these monsters will make nests in very high places away from people and other monsters. However, given Valstrax's tendency to also live in places of high altitude they have been known to engage in turf wars. These turf wars are often fought by the Guersang that isn't about to lay eggs. If the partner loses then the Uersang carrying fertilized eggs and its partner will retreat. This is the only time a Uersang will flee from battle. While one Uersang watches over the eggs the other will bring food, specifically fish. After hatching, the babies will be able to fly after 9 days and the family will abandon the nest to return to the stratosphere. Once the babies are 9 months old they all go their separate ways.

Extra Deets:

Before it's first head break Uersang's head is extremely tough.

Anything under purple sharpness will bounce off, this can also be circumvented by use of the skill Mind's Eye. This affect is nullified after 1 head break.

After 1 head break Uersang uses a combination of close and ranged attacks. Some of the attacks vary in this stage.

Uersang's roar requires level 5 earplugs to block.

Uersang's front claws, throat, jaw, head, horns, wings can be broken. The tail can be broken but not cut off.

Uersang has a grab attack that cannot be blocked. It grabs a hunter by the head with its front claws and slams the hunter down with all its strength. This will cause a faint regardless of health. If using Guts Uersang follows that attack with a quick swipe. Best to avoid the grab.

Using Flash will work but it will also immediately put it in rage mode.

Once Uersang's throat has been broken it will no longer be able to roar.

It has two kinds of scales: the scales on it’s skull, back, shoulders and tail are much bigger than the scales on the rest of its body which are very tiny yet durable.

Monster materials:

Star Shard

Meteor Cortex

Uersang Claw (break front legs)

Uersang Sabertooth (break jaw)

Uersang Lash (break tail)

Ozone Webbing (break wing(s))

Strato Horn (1 head break)

Starlight Amethyst (2 head breaks)

Lålning Cord (break throat)

Uersang Weapons: Each weapon has purple sharpness and comes with the skill Gliese 436b which gives Mind's Eye/Ballistics. All weapons have hot pink lightning crackling through and around them. All are thunder element.

Cosmic Lålning (Insect Glaive)

Lightyear Aria (Long Sword)

Supernova Symphony (Light Bowgun)

Nebula Choir (Heavy Bowgun)

Galatic Canción (Hunting Horn)

Hubble's Reprise (Great Sword)

Pulsar Rhapsody (Bow)

Constellation Opera (Charge Blade)

Shootingstar Crescendo (Dual Blades)

Exosphere Cadenza (Switchaxe)

Lunar Rhythm (Sword & Shield)

Planetary Staccato (Lance)

Protostar Harmony (Gunlance)

Stellar Melody (Hammer)

* all Uersang and Meteorburst Uersang weapons gives off a faint musical note when swinging them. The Hunting Horn sounds like a violin

IG Kinsect bonus: Spirit and Strength boost Bow coatings: power, +paralysis and +poison DBs: one is thunder and the other is poison Horn songs: Movement Speed Up, Health Boost (L), Attack Boost (L), Thunder Resistance Boost (L), Melody Durations Extended, Impact Echo Wave, Elemental Effectiveness U

Kinsect: Name: Kepler 438b Attack Type: blunt Dust Effect: poison Element: level 20 Power (ele): lvl 14 Power (non ele): lvl 15 Speed: lvl 20 Heal: lvl 1

Armor Skills and Set Bonuses: 2 pieces give the skill Exoplanet Orchestra (Complete invulnerability while dodging. Think Bloodborne). 4 pieces give the skill Exoplanet Concert (True Critical Element).

Orbital Helmet - Critical Eye lvl 4

Orbital Chest - Attack Boost lvl 4

Orbital Arms - Thunder Attack lvl 6

Orbital Waist - Health Boost lvl 3

Orbital Legs - Constitution lvl 3

Vs Fire -5 Vs Water 1 Vs Thunder 4 Vs Ice 0 Vs Dragon -3

** Here’s the Insect Glaive and the Kinsect! Here’s the female armor set!

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 3 reaction

In this episode, Sander shows up 15 minutes late with croques (I know this joke has to have been made before, sorry)

Just adding again that if you are looking for an all-positive review of this show, this is not it. Please don’t read if you would prefer not to hear negative takes.

Episode 3

Clip 1 - Robbe on the beach

Robbe is sharing a bed with Noor. He’s doing some good physical acting because even just lying there, I can tell how stiff and uncomfortable he is. He wakes up and looks bummed. It’s pretty early and he’s on vacation so you know he really doesn’t want to be spooning with a girl if he’s getting out of bed right now.

Gotta say the detail of Aaron’s ass being half-exposed in his sleep is a detail that made me lol.

Robbe goes to the beach and listens to music. He types a text to his mom that he can’t make it to see her this week because he’s at the seaside, (because he’s supposedly doing a school project with Jen, lmao) but then he deletes it. So perhaps he is feeling guilt over not visiting, or he’s just got mixed feelings and wants to distance himself from his family situation right now.

Clip 2 - FINALLY

Robbe goes back to the house and sees a mysterious dude. It’s only been like 20 minutes since Robbe left the house, so this guy must have just arrived. Don’t know why they didn’t just combine these clips, especially since it would’ve been a nice contrast to get Robbe moody and alone vs. the jolt he receives with a cute boy’s arrival within one clip.

The important thing is that we finally meet the Even of this season, who I’ve been pretending I didn’t know is called Sander. I’m going to repeat what dozens of other people have said and say yes, this is Jack Frost from that one movie in live-action form. 

Sander does a bit where he roasts Robbe about not having breakfast ready and he expected it when he made a reservation; Robbe acts half-amused, half-confused as fuck, as if part of him recognizes it as a windup but he also doesn’t know who this dude is, so maybe he could be for real?

Afterwards Sander is like, let’s go bitch, we’re grabbing breakfast, and he introduces himself. Robbe is still flabbergasted but he follows Sander out the door anyway, possibly compelled by Sander’s charisma, possibly just swayed by a hot guy. He has no idea how important this meeting is in the grand scheme of things. Robbe, your story is finally starting in episode 3!

OK, I like Sander’s intro! It’s in line with Even’s paper towel trick. Sander is getting Robbe’s attention with a dramatic introduction. He made sure to make a memorable first impression. It works not just for Robbe, but for me as a viewer as well. And I like that Robbe was caught off-guard like Isak was and they didn’t instantly fall into banter or anything, because let’s be real, if some strange dude showed up in your kitchen and started talking to you like this, you would be pretty WTF no matter how nice his face is. 

I am not sure if this show will do the thing where Sander has been pining after Robbe for a while before this meeting - we have seen glimpses of Sander so it seems as if he’s seen Robbe before, but if he’s not from the same school as I think is the case, then I wonder how much he really could have developed feelings for Robbe? Even saw Isak the first day of school, so it’s easy to understand that he developed a crush in the time between that and S3 just by seeing Isak doing his thing at school regularly, and he had plenty of time to learn who Isak was. With Sander, it seems like he just saw Robbe randomly, and that makes sense for “hmm, a cute guy” but not really this giant crush on Robbe as a person. 

This is why it would have been good to actually show what Robbe did or made in the graffiti scene, because it would make sense if Robbe drew something that would have intrigued Sander.

Anyway, the larger point is that this scene does make sense if you consider that Sander was waiting for Robbe and this was a planned intro. I assume there is some way that he found out Robbe would be here this weekend. If this is not something Sander expected, then it’s pretty impulsive of him. Though I can totally buy him winging the booking.com bit if that’s his personality. But it makes more sense to me at the moment to imagine that Sander knew Robbe was coming.

Clip 3 - Robbe and Sander at the store

Robbe and Sander are grocery shopping. Sander quickly establishes himself as having an outspoken, confident personality. I do like how instantly his vibe comes across, which is helpful since we’re making up for lost time.

Sander asking Robbe how many hot dogs one eats has some G-rated “Even immediately starts talking about blowjobs” energy. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence and they really are just talking about food, but like. It’s an Even. 

Amber sends them the shopping list full of normal grocery items. Sander is like NOPE, not getting that. Well I hope no one has any dietary restrictions they need to follow, lmao.

Robbe asks Sander how he knows Amber, but Sander gets distracted by the song over the loudspeakers so he doesn’t have to disclose the truth yet. The song is by “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie. He asks Robbe if he’s a fan and Robbe is like “yeah!” but Sander challenges him to name three of his songs and Robbe is a flop. Again, I do like how forcefully Sander comes across, his personality is evident.

I have to say: out of all the remake Evens, he’s the one who most immediately comes across as a magnetic personality. Granted, he seems to have a very similar vibe to Even whereas some remake Evens have rather different personalities from the original recipe. But Sander does come across as someone you’d meet (or Robbe would meet) and be a little smitten and swept off your feet right away. 

David Bowie is also a good choice for an Even’s musical taste, especially because of Bowie’s sexuality. I guess you could say it’s pretty on the nose, but it still works for me. I don’t know a ton about the origins of Rebel Rebel but it references gender fluidity and sexuality, so it’s feels fitting for an LGBT-centered season.

As a diehard Ronan/Adam shipper (they’re my OTP of OTPs besides Evak) this scene of Sander pushing Robbe on the cart in the store is calculated to appeal to me. Pynch peeps, you know what I’m talking about. /finger guns

As a personal tangent, I also think grocery shopping is one of the best things you can do on a first date to know if you’re compatible with someone. I have been grocery shopping with people who were dull and no fun, and I have been grocery shopping where it’s an adventure in itself. I strongly believe that you can have fun with the right person in even the most mundane situations. 

Back to Robbe/Sander: this part’s really cute! It gives us a sense of who Sander is and it shows them having fun together. They have a comfortable chemistry and I think Robbe’s vibe in this scene hits the right notes of being starstruck and a little over his head, but acclimating to Sander’s OTT personality and being able to relax and have a good time. He’s certainly having more fun than he expected when he woke up this morning. 

The spinning and eventual slow-mo moment to Rebel Rebel! Great! Super effective at catching that feeling of holy shit, sudden butterflies in my stomach? I can’t look away from this person? I think I have a crush?  

Sander scanning Robbe and saying it’s expensive = lmao, genuinely funny.

And I do like the idea of Sander pushing Robbe and it being chaotic and messy as a way to visualize/signify the arrival of him in Robbe’s life as a way to shake it upside down. (Although, lol, I kinda hate them for causing a mess for the retail workers.)

Sander crashes the cart and Robbe into some boxes. After checking to see if Robbe’s OK, Sander plays it cool and walks away whistling. I do love Robbe’s reaction, that we see him trailing Sander and sneaking happy glances at him. Good stuff.

Taken on its own, this is a terrific first meeting, and I can see how this scene would inspire optimism in the season picking up from here. However - and I hate to be a downer because this scene worked for me - it’s the same issue that I’ve said before: we shouldn’t have waited two full episodes for this clip. Though this scene was great and established an easy chemistry, it also wasn’t that personal and didn’t last too long, and now they have to go back and hang with everyone else, so how are they going to continue to bond on their own? They should just go find other errands to do, away from everyone else. 

Clip 4 - Robbe and Sander in the kitchen

Noor is right there in the kitchen with them, but being hungover, is unable to be a third wheel in the way that Emma was to Isak and Even. Amber’s annoyed that they didn’t get anything on the shopping list, Sander shoos her out and says Robbe and he will cook.

Again, this not the same room for intimacy as Evak because they’re not alone! Anyone could walk in at any moment! People were just there! And I think you COULD do something interesting with that, how frustrating it is that everyone else is there, but it doesn’t work so well when it’s like … the first time they meet and they really need that space to get to know each other (considering, for the millionth time, that we are racing to catch up with only just meeting Sander). We really need to either play into the lack of intimacy and adjust the timeline of the relationship accordingly, or they need to manage some extra moments with the two of them to really establish the connection.

They make croques (weren’t bread and cheese on Amber’s list? So they did get something she asked for, heh) and there’s a fair amount of innuendo and suggestion, with the leaning down and leaning toward each other in the tight space. I do really like that and think it’s effective. They notice the chemistry, Sander touches Robbe’s back as he walks by.

More Bowie with Under Pressure. (This would be a really good song choice for Robbe’s POV to illustrate all the shit he’s dealing with.) Sander is very charming, he’s singing and having a good time, he lights up a joint. He opens up a bit about how making croques is a family tradition and asks Robbe if he has any traditions, and Robbe is still withdrawn and doesn’t go into it. Good moment! Robbe’s family is a touchy subject.

Sander licking the joint is quite an Erotique moment for Robbe. I also like that Robbe is clumsy with the croques, seemingly because he’s flustered by Sander’s Sanderness.

I like the Sander actor quite a bit so far. Like I said, he’s super intense and charismatic. He’s also super fucking forward with Robbe, feeding him some croque while they eye fuck, and I’m sorry but that feels way too pointed for this relationship so far The rest of the scene captures the unstated sexual tension but Sander sticking a sandwich in Robbe’s mouth while Robbe stares back is too obvious and feels like they’re trying to sell this really hard in order to make up for lost time, it took me out of the scene. Robbe is tentatively getting more comfortable with Sander, but I don’t buy that he would be that comfortable at this point. It would have been better if they’d stuck to, like, the subtle thrill of sharing a joint (where OMG Sander’s mouth has been?? Yowza).

Britt shows up and she’s Sander’s girlfriend! Oh nooooo!

Except Robbe and Sander met SEVERAL HOURS AGO so this doesn’t really have much of an impact? Isak pining over Even for a week and Googling him and stalking him creates a big buildup both in audience expectations and in Isak’s, whereas Robbe JUST met this dude. We’ve barely had time to form any expectations.

Imagine if you’ve never seen Skam and you’re watching this in real time. You’d be like “Awww, bummer, this guy has a girlfriend, I guess,” rather than “OH SHIT NOOOOOO” because you’ve been following them for a week and watching their conversations and their eye-fucking and getting to know Even through Isak’s eyes. Because you’ve had plenty of time to become attached to this character and because you’ve had time to sink into Isak’s POV and feel his crush on this guy. You feel the stakes of learning that Even has a girlfriend. Robbe learning that Sander is dating Britt is disappointing ... but how disappointing, really? There’s a low level of investment in Sander so far, for both Robbe and for us. I mean, sure, he’s charming, and we’re probably thinking he and Robbe might be cute together, but at most you would have had five hours to get attached at this point. If you look at it one way, this revelation is good because Robbe had only a brief window of time to get his hopes up before learning Sander has a girlfriend, as opposed to Isak who had a full week.

This is where the season’s odd storytelling choices start to fall down. Because there’s a lot about these last few clips that I enjoyed on a micro level. They work as individual scenes. It’s when you think about them on a macro level that the logic and emotional resonance doesn’t hold up. And I think that there are many, many story elements - in wtFOCK and most of the remakes - where a lot of writing only makes sense if you are coming with knowledge of the original show and sort of filling in the blanks here, rather than wtFOCK putting in the work itself.

I also think it’s something of a disappointment because S3 portrayed the experience of developing a crush so beautifully, the desperation to learn more about a person and get close to them, the obsessive focus. wtFOCK is by no means required to do that, but it was such a vulnerable, intimate way to get into Isak’s head that I can’t help but miss the extended crush period for Robbe. We really needed more of his POV.

Robbe decides to cope by getting high. Aha, there’s that Under Pressure for Robbe! 

Actually, it seemed super weird to me that the timestamps had them meeting like 5 hours ago? Because it seemed like they went shopping and went home soon after where Amber inspected the groceries, but apparently there were hours between that, so what were they doing in the meantime? Not anything important, apparently, because we didn’t see it.

Clip 5 - Sad sad Robbe time

The others are playing trivia and Robbe is just social distancing like 10 feet away staring at them while listening to music on his headphones, lmao. Britt has quite the grip on Sander’s neck.

Noor comes over and Robbe asks her about Britt and Sander. Sander studied Visual Arts at I think a different school than Robbe. Imagine how effective this would be if Robbe did this LAST WEEK, like “casually” asked Noor about Sander or something. But of course that would have required the story to be moving forward last week.

Sander stares at Robbe and Noor as they make out. Get back in Robbe’s POV, for fuck’s sake! This isn’t even an impossible moment to have from his POV. Have Robbe and Noor make out, Robbe opens his eyes and spies Sander looking at him, he looks again and Sander has looked away. That creates an element of doubt that will live rent free in Robbe’s head. 

This choice annoys me more and more. Where’s the tension in quite firmly suggesting that actually, Sander is into Robbe right after showing that Sander has a girlfriend? There was soooo much juicy tension squeezed from Isak and the audience not knowing what the fuck was up with Even and Sonja. People forget it now, but as someone who watched OG S3 in real time, there were plenty of viewers who thought Even was just stringing Isak along or doubted the sincerity of his feelings, because the show effectively kept us in Isak’s POV and for many viewers there was room to doubt Even’s intentions. Honestly, we didn’t really get real confirmation of Even’s feeling until episode 9. I just don’t see how it serves the story to a) take us out of our main character’s POV b) to make sure the mysterious love interest is somewhat less mysterious this early.

Clip 6 - Paintball

The squads play a friendly game of paintball, and by that I mean they try to annihilate each other. It’s a little hard for me to tell who’s shooting who since it’s fast and everyone has masks and is dressed in either black or camo, except Aaron in his onesie.

Sander and Robbe end up next to each other. They see Britt on the ground. Sander runs up and shoots Britt several times while she tells him to stop, clearly in pain. Britt yells at him to be normal sometimes and to use his head from time to time. Sander apologizes as Britt runs off.

Robbe and Sander exchange a look like “hmm” and Sander says he thinks they’ve won. He walks off. The music feels … weirdly triumphant?

This scene sits pretty weirdly. I don’t think this clip was pointless, I definitely think it has a point, but … what are they going for here. Thinking about it, I’d say the concept of this scene is good, but the execution feels off. wtFOCK has a real tone problem that becomes apparent later in the season.

I don’t think shooting Britt means Sander is manic, but I DO think part of the intent was to show he’s impulsive/gets carried away/can be OTT. Which is not bad (although there’s some sketchiness abut how this is tied to his mental illness if he’s not manic right now, and about how mentally ill people are dangerous) but it’s his reaction that gets me. Because it’s one thing if he gets carried away and we see him show remorse (which he does, briefly) but then he’s like cracking a joke with Robbe. It would be way more effective if we saw his remorse lingering. Not to mention yeah, he could have hurt Britt! It’s not that Sander has to be flawless, but this is one of our first impressions of him and it’s not great. It might work if you think it’s setting up Sander as something of a dangerous bad boy for Robbe (“you only like bad news” go the lyrics) but I’m not sure how much the show leans into that, especially because Robbe seems happy that they “won” rather than alarmed at what the fuck Sander just did.

But the part that baffles me most is how this matters to Robbe/Sander? Is this supposed to be a cute, flirty moment? A “haha, fuck my girlfriend, I like you instead” moment? Because wow, was it cruel on Sander’s part, and Robbe doesn’t seem that bothered by it. I get that maybe Sander IS supposed to be upset with himself but is brushing it off, but yeah, the offense is just too much for me, when physical harm comes into play. 

IDK, I could get behind the ambiguity of reactions in a scene like this, but there’s something off about the seriousness of what Sander does - which is acknowledged in-clip by Britt’s and Zoë’s reactions - combined with how Robbe and Sander end the clip, as if we ignore those reactions to make it a fun shippy moment. It’s pretty unappealing. We don’t even really see or hear anything about Sander and Britt making up or talking it out, we don’t see any lingering tension between them due to this incident, it’s like this clip was forgotten. Presumably they made up off-screen before the next clip, but in that case, we should have seen Sander run after her to apologize? Where’s the emotional fallout? It doesn’t really stick for Sander, Britt, or Robbe. 

Clip 7 - Bonfire

Robbe is upset with Sander and Britt making out. He goes over to Aaron who is also sitting sadly alone.

Aaron says he doesn’t know how Robbe does it, getting girls, and how he was so chill with Noor in the bathroom. IMO they could’ve ramped up Robbe’s fuckboyness since it didn’t come across that clearly to me, but this is one thing I do like about the potential of Isak and Magnus interaction … the Magnus looking to the Isak for girl advice, making the Isak have to preserve some sort of reputation as a ladies’ man, giving him some cred with his friends that he’s afraid to lose.

Robbe says it’s different because Noor goes to a different school so it wasn’t as bad if she rejected him. But wasn’t she handing out dance performance flyers in the hallway at Robbe’s school? That made me think she was a student there. But IDK how Belgian school works, maybe that’s normal.

Aaron goes over to talk to Amber and makes her a s’more, but Amber walks off because OMG so many calories. Aaron is bummed but Luca takes the s’more and eats it. Uhhh, the obvious buildup here is for Aaron/Luca, wtFOCK writers. She is literally taking and enjoying what Aaron is offering. I sense a connection. 

I’m tickled by Aaron referencing American TV shows when he makes the s’more. His s’more is missing the best part, the cheap melted chocolate, which to be fair would probably have caused Amber to slap him over the calorie count.

This scene is at least from Robbe’s POV as he watches them, thank God.

Clip 8 - Haunted house

The boy squad (who are called the Brrrothers) set up a haunted house. That’s actually a pretty fun scenario. They lock the others in, because teenagers don’t care about fire hazards. But still seems like a great time.

Sander helps the others through the window, what a gentleman.

Aaron and Amber have the cliché “fall down into each other” moment so I suppose that’s the start of their romance. Now she holds his hand. Boo, no Luca/Aaron … at least Aaron/Amber is still better than Basile/Daphne so far.

They climb onto the roof to seek a treasure, which turns out to be alcohol. There’s a rooftop party, people drinking and smoking and having a good time. Robbe and Sander share a Look before Sander and Britt get cozy.

I mean, again … would’ve been better if they hadn’t spoken like. Twice.

Clip 9 - Aaron throws away his shot

Robbe is grumpy on the way back from the haunted house, which he calls Jens and Moyo’s ego trip. I think he’s mostly just sour about Sander and Britt, but also he could be annoyed that he wasn’t involved, although that mainly seems like it would be Robbe’s fault for distancing himself.

Aaron valiantly offers to check the house for murderous ghosts before they go back inside.

See, I KNEW Aaron was going to pull some shit with a practical joke when he went inside, I just didn’t expect him to pretend to get SHOT. The dedication… it’s in very poor taste, though.

Of course it’s a prank, but Amber acts very concerned. You know, this is actually a good way to show how Aaron is immature and keep the Amber/Aaron pairing apart … compared to Basile/Daphne where it was just nonstop sexual harassment, here we see Aaron being sweet and thoughtful with Amber and potentially making progress with her, and then ruining it by being an insensitive teenage dumbass. But he can still grow into more of a mature kid and prove himself to Amber that way.

Aaron seems regretful of it, but Moyo and Jens are like YOU DA MAN. I regret to announce that this boy squad kinda sucks so far.  At least Aaron seems like he might have some character development, judging by his reaction here.

That was nicely done as a way to create conflict with the Aaron/Amber relationship, and establishing some mutual interest before showing where Aaron needs to grow as a person, even if I’m like ... we really got to stick to Robbe’s POV/story, man. 

Clip 10 - Another prank

Moyo and Jens ask Robbe to go get them beers, and it’s a prank and Aaron’s in the freezer so I guess Aaron did not learn anything, never mind. 

Echoing what I said above: I’m absolutely not expecting the boy squad to be perfectly well-behaved rational empathetic adults, and it’s not like this prank is some deeply cruel thing, but there is just. So much. Of the shouting, pranking, casual sexism, crude comments, and general obnoxious behavior. I’m really trying to keep in mind that Isak’s boy squad was also full of the horny gross talk about girls at the beginning, and that it was a necessary part of showing Isak’s alienation from his peers.  Or that by now on OG S3 we had several awesome moments from Isak’s squad that we haven’t reached yet because the season’s paced a few episodes behind. Still. Ugh. Maybe it’s the shouting? I feel like this boy squad is ... shoutier ... than the other boy squads. Making them prankmasters is also not helping. I think you have to walk a careful line between making them realistically flawed straight dudes who alienate Isak with their talk of girls, and making them screaming caricatures who are all “fuck girls get pussy hot chicks sex sex sex.” There’s a lack of warmth and innocence to balance it out. We need some indication soon that these guys are going to be there for Robbe when shit goes down. 

Robbe snaps at them and storms off, and Noor follows him. WOW, it would be good to see ROBBE’S POV of this scene!!!! What happened next!!! 

Nope, the clip ends here!!!!

Clip 11 - Halloween

Everyone’s dressed up and preparing to go to a Halloween party. The girls are cute putting on makeup and chatting about necrophilia. There’s a comment where Luca says a guy sounded like “a begging Romanian” and errrrr, I did a bit of a double take at that. It’s not my culture or language so I don’t want to talk out of my ass, but I thought this was generally considered to be an offensive thing to say (although one that people frequently say anyway due to prejudice). What was the fandom reaction to that line? 

People are dancing at the party. Apparently Jens and Jana are friends with benefits. Lol, at least Jana is not FWB with their P-Chris, that guy sucked.

Amber’s still mad at Aaron, understandably. Moyo cheers up Aaron on his recent romantic failure, which is nice and a much kinder moment than 99% of the material they’ve given Moyo thus far, and they go look for other girls.

I do love all the Halloween makeup. Look at Robbe’s hair!

Zoë checks her phone because I guess Senne drama is gonna happen.

Noor tags a wall with R+N in a heart, oh dear.

Robbe stares sadly at Sander and Britt dancing. Noor tries to get him to dance because the song is great, Robbe says he’s more of a Bowie fan and namedrops Changes. OK lmao, again, this doesn’t work so well that Robbe has suddenly become a Bowie expert when he’s been at the seaside the whole time. I know it’s silly when Isak starts acting like a Nas expert, but there was enough time for him to look up Nas between when Even mentioned him and when he talked to Emma about him to gain some basic knowledge of Nas. I guess Robbe could’ve been looking up Bowie in the last few days when he’s brooding alone, but lol, he’s also been kinda busy. Or Robbe is just bullshitting about Bowie, but the fact he was able to name a Bowie song when he couldn’t earlier in the episode suggests that he did look into Bowie. 

Now there’s the Call Your Girlfriend moment where Robbe makes out with Noor while staring at Sander, then Sander stares back, eyefuck, blah blah.

I gotta say. I’ve seen various takes on Call Your Girlfriend scene by now. And what I notice - at least from my recollection - is that the remakes tend to focus more on the actual eyefucking. Because the OG scene doesn’t actually have Isak and Even staring at each other, going back and forth, for a while. Most of that scene is about Isak’s longing. Isak dances with Emma, looks at Even with Sonja. He kisses Emma, looks at Even kissing Sonja. It’s about Isak wanting Even but instead being with a girl. When Even looks back it’s not this long, extended thing! Because it’s not really about the eyefucking. It’s just confirmation, for both Isak and for us, that we are not imagining this chemistry between them. It’s a shot of hope that Even also wants Isak despite mixed signals. That even though Even is passionately kissing his girlfriend, he’s thinking about Isak. And then Isak closes his eyes - he doesn’t eyefuck Even through three verses and the bridge, he closes his eyes - and we don’t need to be told to realize he’s imagining he’s kissing Even instead. 

First of all, the most effective part of the CYG scene is the timing. The song is perfectly timed and Isak’s reactions are perfectly edited to make us feel that frustration and longing that Isak does. It’s a way more vulnerable scene that most of the remakes seem to realize. Most of the scene is Isak looking without that look being reciprocated. And Even’s returned look comes just as we’re losing our minds (plus it matches the on-the-nose lyrics, lol). The endless eyefucking in the remakes isn’t that special or interesting in terms of delivery. 

Second, here’s the thing: I think we forget, since we know that Evak are endgame, that at this stage during S3′s real-time run, it wasn’t certain that they were endgame. In fact, many people weren’t even sure Even liked Isak back! I was lucky enough to jump into Skam right before the first kiss, and there was so much doubt, it was crazy. Even and Isak shared an awesome afternoon together, but Even brought his girlfriend to this party, he’s still dating her. Isak is doubting whether this thing can go anywhere with them, if Even even is interested in him like that. And Even looking at him during CYG IS the confirmation that Even’s into him. It’s the confirmation for the audience that we didn’t imagine Even’s attraction to Isak. Whereas in wtFOCK, Sander is like openly staring at Robbe when Robbe isn’t watching, and the show breaks Robbe’s POV to make sure we know this. Sander is feeding him croques by hand while they lock eyes. He’s being much flirtier and the show is not hiding his interest. wtFOCK introduced Britt as an obstacle to this potential relationship, but does she really feel like one when Sander has been communicating his interest all along? Is there any doubt he likes Robbe? Not to mention Sander was just introduced this episode, and there simply isn’t the buildup, the time to weigh in and question his motives, the investment in whether he likes Robbe or not. So the tremendous release of tension in this scene is just not the same, because the tension isn’t there to begin with. 

The OG Call Your Girlfriend clip is not about two guys who are hot for each other challenging each other to look away. The clip is about vulnerability and longing, and that vibe has been missing from sooooo many of the adaptations. Like anything in the remakes, change is not inherently bad. Change can provide for some interesting and thoughtful material. But I don’t think the remakes always realized when they’re making a change. On the surface a scene will be similar to OG, but the emotional buildup, the timing, the tension, the symbolism, etc. will be very different, and if you’re not aware of how even the littlest change can alter the meaning of a scene, then the scene can fall flat.

Clip 12 - End of trip

Everyone’s packing up to go home, Amber calls out the boys for sitting there and not cleaning (she’s right!)

Robbe helps Sander with the empty bottles. Sander asks about Robbe and Noor if they’re doing well. Robbe says yeah and then asks about Sander and Britt, Sander says it’s been “ups and downs” with mostly downs lately. Ups and downs could also refer to bipolarity, though I don’t know if I’d jump to Sander having “mostly downs” mentally just yet.

Sander says he seems to get on her nerves lately, and they’ve been together for half a year. Okay sooooo … they’re way less serious than Even and Sonja, and Sander has much less to lose by breaking up with her. I mean. Do they not see where, emotionally, this removes a lot of Even’s conflict in OG, and presumably much of Sander’s conflict in this version? It mattered that Sonja had been with Even for years. It mattered that he was used to her taking charge. It mattered that they’d sunk so much time into this relationship and survived such rough patches. Unless there was a really really drastic event in Sander’s life like right when he and Britt got together, that she was instrumental in helping him face, it seriously cannot compare to what Even and Sonja went through. He asks Robbe what he would do, stay or go.

He reaches around Robbe, getting sorta touchy feely, Robbe steps away. 

Sander says maybe he (Sander) is scared he’ll never find someone, someone who’ll love him. Tension between him and Robbe as they consider each other. This insight is good to understand Sander, at least.

Robbe says he thinks Sander will find someone like that, Sander asks where, Robbe says he should meet new people, Sander says “on a weekend trip with strangers?” Robbe is like “...yes.” (Did you get to know each other? Did you really?)

They lean in for a kiss, but then Luca shows up to take out the trash so the moment is ruined, Sander walks off.

SIIIIIIGH this could have been a good scene if they like … developed this relationship or didn’t pace this story so weirdly. On top of the rushed Sander/Robbe development, the buildup to this scene on its own is odd. In OG, the kitchen almost-kiss happens right after the Call Your Girlfriend moment where they lock eyes, after Even stares at Isak across the room. There is palpable tension in the kitchen because they’re basically riding a high together. This is like the morning after their version of the CYG, which should have been an “aha! he likes me back!” moment for Robbe, but instead the momentum and sexual tension just kind of paused and consequently this scene almost feels random, like I felt the contrivances to put them in the same situation as Isak and Even here. (Think about it: Was there a reason this scene had to be the next morning instead of later that night? What happened after that eyefucking clip, did Robbe and Sander just go about their night like NBD?) The CYG clip and following kitchen scene felt like a clear example of cause and effect; the wtFOCK equivalents felt more like they were hitting arbitrary points in the OG rather than feeling fitting to its story.

I just realized we got like NO insight into Robbe’s sexuality crisis this episode, either, the way we did with Isak in episode 3. And maybe we’ll get some of it in the future, but I do think it weakens the story not to have any of that at this juncture. We’re three out of 10 episodes and we’ve barely scratched the surface of our protagonist’s main conflict this season, which is about his sexuality.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THE EPISODE:

Introduce Sander sooner, for fuck’s sake.

Okay, that ship has sailed, moving on. Have the grocery scene go on longer, or rather, have them go somewhere after the supermarket, like they decide to take a detour to a park or something and go hang out and talk, to the point where Amber starts texting them like “Where the fuck is the food?” Show Robbe unwinding just a little, talking about his own interests, his own taste in music. It’s understandable that he might not open up about the deep’n’heavy stuff yet, but perhaps in either this scene or another one later this week, Sander asks him a family-related question and Robbe doesn’t answer with his whole sad backstory, but he gives a little, maybe has a fond memory of his mom, a tradition they had when he was younger. We see this little happy/sad moment and it’s like something about Sander compels him to open up and we get the complexity of his relationship with his mom, that it’s not all good or bad.

Instead of Sander shooting Britt excessively in the paintball scene, have him and Robbe team up and strategize for a while. We see they work well together, oho. They’re having a lot of fun. And maybe Sander DOES shoot Britt but it’s not this prolonged close-range thing, it’s just him being caught up in the moment as he and Robbe work together. He shoots her (again, it’s a little OTT and enough to make her upset but not quite as bad as in the filmed scene) and she runs off and we see him have an “oh” moment. Oh right, I got caught up being with this guy I like and forgot I have a girlfriend. He feels seriously remorseful and runs after Britt. And maybe when Sander shoots Britt, Robbe has a moment of “!!!”, maybe Sander likes him Like That after all! But then Sander runs after Britt and they kiss and make up because it’s just a paintball game, after all, and Robbe is like, oh, right. It’s just paintball.

This episode really convinces me how vital episode 2 is, even before Mekke øl, in establishing both Even as a character and the Isak/Even dynamic. We get why Isak likes him even before they speak again. It’s so beautiful and honest, with Isak checking out Even’s video, searching for him on social media, that desperation … and then how much R+J hits Isak in the feels. The equivalent would be if Robbe was listening to David Bowie on his earbuds and having a big moment. So er, why didn’t they just ... do that? Robbe is sitting alone listening to David Bowie and watching Sander and Britt be cuddly, and there’s this feeling of longing and being close to Sander via the music while at the same time being so far away. It might be too obvious and faithful to OG, but it would also, you know. Probably be effective. It is also set-up for Robbe talking about how he’s a Bowie fan to Noor.

Have Sander talk to Robbe after Robbe flips out on his friends after the prank! Maybe Sander calms him down by doing a weird Sander thing! Maybe Robbe confides a bit about his shitty home situation or his crappy friends so he and Sander connect on a deeper level! But the prank clip ended immediately after Robbe stormed off, and for some reason the show was like nah, it’s not important after that, even though it was a prime opportunity for good, insightful content into Robbe’s head, or a way to let Robbe and Sander bond some more. 

If they cannot talk directly, how about some indirect moments where they connect, other than paintball? We get some stares at each other but those could be structured to show off more of a connection. Their eyes meet when something funny happens. Robbe or Sander are Jim Halperting at each other when Aaron or Amber says something ridiculous, like can you believe this shit? Everyone’s sitting around listening to music and Sander goes and puts on a Bowie song and Robbe smiles to himself.

(Not that they needed to do movie references in this version, but they should have totally gone with Labyrinth references for Robbe/Sander, just saying. I’m not even sure how it would work thematically, I just think it’d be delightful.)

(OR VELVET GOLDMINE, aka “Todd Haynes wrote and filmed David Bowie/Iggy Pop fanfiction where Ewan McGregor and Christian Bale fuck on a rooftop.” God I love that movie.)

In the haunted house, have Robbe and Sander like ...touch, accidentally, or grab each other out of fear, or do one of those cliché “we find ourselves close together, breathing hard and staring at each other” moments. I don’t care! Just give us stuff to work with! Like there even IS a split second moment where Robbe is climbing out of the window and Sander offers him a hand, it’s just not played for any drama or tension or emotional reaction - I mean, wtFOCK are you doing, wtFOCK writers? 

There is a glaring flaw with this episode, in that there were SO many opportunities to actually have Robbe and Sander interact throughout the episode, and yet overall the potential was totally wasted.

Consider that Isak and Even went to the same school, but they were in different years and didn’t share any classes. So when, for example, Isak hangs out with Even in Mekke øl, I can easily buy that Isak doesn’t see him again until Even returns the snapback. Or that he doesn’t see Even after the snapback scene until the neon party. Therefore, I feel like I’m seeing all the essential moments of Isak’s interaction with Even, I am getting the “full story” with Evak and sufficient evidence to try to piece together what Even’s deal is. 

Robbe and Sander were living under the same roof for days. This is a drastic departure from the original. Realistically speaking, there would have been so, so many more opportunities for interaction, or moments where we could’ve gained insight into that developing attraction. Sander and Britt would’ve been sleeping in the same bed at times, right? How did Robbe react to that? Could we have seen his jealousy? Was there ever a time when Robbe was coming out of the bathroom and he bumped into Sander and it was awkward? Or when someone else left a room and Robbe found himself alone with Sander, and he didn’t know what to say? Did Robbe try to avoid Sander the entire time? Did he try to talk to him but Noor or Britt walked in? Did Sander try to talk to Robbe? Was there any interaction between them besides what we were shown on screen? Did Robbe get up and sit on the beach listening to music and Sander joined him and they shared headphones? Did Robbe go outside one night just to get away from Noor in his bed and Sander was also sitting on the porch and they shared a joint and talked about stuff? Eh? Ehhh???

The problem is that I don’t believe that we were shown the “full story” of Robbe and Sander this week. I can’t believe that because, logically speaking, there would have been way, way more interactions between them even if they were actively trying to avoid each other. For whatever reason, wtFOCK decided to have Robbe and Sander meet at the seaside and spend a week in the same house. Okay. But despite the opportunities that scenario provided to really catch up and develop the hell out of the Robbe/Sander relationship after a delayed start, the show just didn’t do that. And I do feel cheated, not just because it’s rushed and lazy, but because it doesn’t even make sense. Obviously wtFOCK cannot film every minute they were around each other, but it sure as hell could’ve given us more substantial content than it did. 

Even if you want to emphasize how they can’t really be alone with each other because they’re with almost 10 other people including their girlfriends ... fucking run with that, man. Milk it for all it’s worth. Make us feel how frustrating it is that they’re not alone, that Robbe is paranoid about getting too close to Sander in case everyone can tell he’s got a crush. Or show them in a scene with other characters, but they’re interacting in an indirect way that makes it seem like they’re the only two people in the room. Their first clip and the almost kiss at the end of the episode is the only time when I really felt that tension at all, and I use “tension” loosely in the case of the almost kiss.

We also have little information this season on Robbe’s specific sexuality crisis, and that’s also hurting the narrative. I’m aware that the next episode dives into some of the clips that OG Skam got to in its episode 3, so I don’t want to harp on it too much now ... but I do have some basic questions, such as: where is Robbe at with his sexuality right now?

We have gotten very little introspection on him thinking about being gay, or what it means to be gay. We did not have the big crush fixation on Sander that Isak got on Even: Googling him, looking him up on social media, trying to find out everything about him. We did not have Robbe taking gay tests online. Yet he goes from meeting Sander to trying to kiss him within days.

And I think the lack of sexuality crisis further diminishes the already weak tension of the episode. If Robbe was more strongly dealing with his sexuality, then I would be able to accept him falling for Sander so fast and so hard a bit more easily, to the point of almost kissing him, even if their emotional connection wasn’t really established. But he hasn’t been given the space to do that. He hasn’t been given the space to even think about being gay or what that means. So he’s supposedly going from internalized homophobia to almost kissing Sander, with none of the introspection shown on screen. Why? What is running through his head?

So obviously, in rewriting the episode, let’s set up some actual sexuality conflict with Robbe. Maybe he’s trying to look up gay stuff online while he’s locked himself in the bathroom or when everyone else is asleep at night, or he’s trying but unfortunately he’s paranoid people are looking over his shoulder, or the boy squad grabs his phone as a prank and he’s terrified they’ll see that he was searching “how to know if you’re gay.” Maybe other people start talking about a sexuality-related topic, a gay celebrity, something like that, and Robbe’s reaction matters - like he makes an ignorant comment and someone schools him, or he makes a downright offensive comment and someone chews him out. Someone makes a gay joke and we see how it makes Robbe squirm. Someone makes a gay joke and then gets called out on it and we see how it makes the wheels turn in Robbe’s head.  Have Amber or Noor or whoever make a boneheaded comment about gay people and Sander schools them so we see Robbe get a HMMM moment. HMMM, does Sander like dudes? HMMM, maybe I should reconsider my opinions on gay people? I don’t know, man! Literally! Anything! 

Maybe have his advice to Aaron be more obviously bad? More fuckboyish? We see him overcompensating for his sudden Sander feelings by doling out some uber-heterosexual manly man advice to Aaron about how to impress a girl. Aaron is like, are you sure that’s a good idea? Robbe is like, pffft, obviously, what, are you gay? Are you too gay to make a move on Amber? Show her what’s what. This leads Aaron to do something very stupid and insulting and sexist with Amber, which leads to Amber getting mad at Aaron and Aaron getting mad at Robbe for Robbe’s dumbass advice. Maybe Jens and Moyo jump in because God knows we need some good moments from them, and they’re like, seriously, Robbe? Why did you think that was a good idea? Robbe gets mad and storms off. 

To some degree I’m like … well, what IS Robbe’s problem with Sander dating Britt, really? He met this hot and cool guy, but a few hours later learned the hot guy had a girlfriend. It sucks, but what is pulling him in so hard and so fast other than Sander being so hot? It’s a disappointment, but is it this truly devastating thing? He doesn’t know much about Sander, they’ve had so much less of a connection than Isak and Even. They had one fun morning, basically. It’s true that crushes aren’t rational and that a teenager can fall for someone based on crumbs and hotness, I fully realize you can’t turn off your romantic feelings like a faucet. But the show didn’t put in the work of making me believe in the strength of those romantic feelings in the first place. The fact that it is realistic for teenagers to have shallow crushes does not mean that I have to accept weak writing to fill in the blanks for this romantic connection that is supposed to be a powerful love story. Actually, let me bold that and rewrite it as a general rule: The fact that something can be realistic does not mean we have to fill in the blanks in order to make up for weak, lazy writing. 

I know that Isak and Even didn’t have a TON of interaction before episode 3, but they definitely had more, and Isak had time to research Even and develop a crush him based on what he found: he learned a bit about Even’s hobbies and interests, he was touched by a piece of art that Even loved. They bonded, they BOTH opened up - we saw Isak melt a little and banter whereas Robbe hasn’t really loosened up with Sander, except running around the grocery store (oh, and letting him stick a croque in his mouth, I guess). In the kitchen scene after getting groceries, for example, Robbe basically says nothing noteworthy, nothing to give either us or Sander a better understanding of him, or an appreciation of his sense of humor. There’s no real banter. If you watch the Robbe/Sander scenes, it seems like Sander dominates them, and that’s great for learning about Sander as a character, not so much for feeling like they’re mutually connecting. And if they want to portray Robbe as shy or awkward around Sander, I get it. But I don’t get where the emotional connection comes in, and frankly I don’t feel like I know much about Robbe as a person. 

So here’s my suggestion: Don’t do the almost kiss.

I know, I know, it’s a Skam S3 staple. But wtFOCK has really not earned this moment. We’re not in dire need of confirmation that Sander likes Robbe because wtFOCK is making it obvious. The tension is not developed enough to merit an almost kiss, Robbe’s sexuality journey is not far along to make it super believable. If they’re kissing next week for real, just let that happen without the episode 3 interrupted kiss. 

If you do want an almost kiss, maybe one or both of them is a little drunk? Or a lot drunk. Like, noticeably tipsy. Their inhibitions are lowered. I could buy that, especially if Robbe has a morning after freakout. oh god i was drunk and about to throw myself at sander!!!!! OR hahaha we were pretty drunk so it didn’t mean anything ... unless...? So long as there’s some effect on Robbe.

Because it’s a Skam remake, we probably do need a big end-of-episode clip, though. A turning point. Personally, I would be fine with just some smoldering unresolved sexual tension that doesn’t go as far as an attempted kiss. (I mentioned above that I am a diehard shipper of Ronan/Adam from The Raven Cycle and let me tell you, you do not need an almost kiss to get across the sexual tension. Once upon a time I wrote a draft of a post charting their relationship development through all their intense stares.) Perhaps Sander and Britt start fighting, Sander walks off, Robbe finds him or maybe he finds Robbe and they’re like, sitting together on the beach, and they have this personal and possibly subtext-laden conversation, or maybe this is when Robbe finally opens up about something personal (like he mentions when his parents used to fight, IDK). They don’t touch. Or maybe their knees brush. They stay perfectly still and don’t lean in. But they look at each other and don’t look away until someone calls for them or comes to collect them, and that’s how the moment is ruined and the spell is broken. That would be enough for me.

Maybe we could end on a non-dramatic note and Robbe and Sander end up sharing earbuds and listening to a David Bowie song. Or a song by someone that Robbe likes and wants to share with Sander, IDK. We leave them staring at the beach and trading surreptitious glances and catching feelings. A real butterflies in the stomach scene.

This also would have been a great episode to hint at Sander’s mental illness. You could show Britt hovering and telling him not to drink or smoke, you could have Robbe walking in as Sander is taking his medication (but obviously he doesn’t know what type of meds they are yet). You could have the suggested ending fight between Britt and Sander contain veiled references to his mental illness because Britt thinks that Sander was skipping his meds or he was doing something that she thought was a red flag. Robbe overhears them arguing but again, he doesn’t realize the real context. 

I felt like Noor was kind of in the background for this episode, and look, I thought she was overused in the first two episodes, but in this one, her presence would have been more useful for Robbe’s storyline, such as having her interrupt a Robbe/Sander moment, or showing us that she’s growing frustrated with Robbe’s lack of attention to her. 

Stay in Robbe’s POV, I beg you. Do this one simple thing. It’s OK to give random scenes outside his POV from time to time (like the girls doing their Halloween makeup) but anything relevant to his arc should be from his eyes only, and anything not relevant to his arc needs to be managed carefully so it doesn’t suck up too much screen time from his story.

I’ve been looking at the social media that was posted for this season, but I don’t really have a ton to say about it. wtFOCK seems pretty active with the characters’ Instagram accounts, so I commend them for that. So far the text messages don’t seem to be adding a ton to Robbe’s story - I specify Robbe’s story because a lot of them are not even texts that involve him, lmao. Like there’s a text between Zoë and Senne that effectively sets up trouble in that relationship, and it’s way more enlightening than texts that actually involve Robbe.

I think there’s legit potential with this cast. I like all the girls, I think Sander’s actor has some good onscreen presence… even though I don’t care for how the boys are written, I think they have potential. It’s just frustrating when you see the potential being squandered even more than if there were little potential to start. 

Just to add, like I said above, this isn’t my culture or language, and I know that I’m missing context. Let me know if there’s anything I didn’t get on account of not being a teenager in Belgium.

[aion-rsa]

Birdgirl Flips The Script On Harvey Birdman And Superhero Culture

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This article contains no spoilers and is based on the first two episodes of Birdgirl.

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law was one of the five original series to debut back on Adult Swim when the programming block was first created. The network has evolved in considerable ways since its inception, but even back then Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law was an important series that helped establish the acerbic and dadaist style of humor that continues to define Adult Swim to this day. 

Now, 20 years after the premiere of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law and Adult Swim as a whole, Birdgirl returns to this beloved universe, appropriately enough as Adult Swim heads into a new phase. Birdgirl is a delight that’s a worthy successor to one of Adult Swim’s flagship programs, but it’s also its own entity that has something very different to say about bureaucratic superheroes in bird costumes.

One of the smartest things that Birdgirl does is embrace a self-aware attitude where it’s able to have a conversation about the legacy of these Harvey Birdman characters while also commenting upon the legacy of superhero stories. In doing so, Birdgirl becomes a show that’s about honoring the past and using it to establish a unique identity that has a viable future. Judy Ken Sebben’s Birdgirl was easily one of the most chaotic characters in Harvey Birdman and there’s an understandable concern around a series that revolves around her when the universe already has a breakneck pace behind its jokes. Birdgirl is aware that too much Birdgirl can be a bad thing and devises a clever way to remedy this that doesn’t cripple Birdgirl’s character.

Harvey Birdman can get ridiculous and impulsive, but he typically functions as the straight man of his series. Birdgirl is the wild card of whatever room she’s in and she’s given a more grounded supporting cast to balance out her mania, whereas Birdman often needs to make sense of the exaggerated personalities in his inner circle. There’s a subtle, yet perfect, touch during the Birdgirl theme song where the bass line is just Judy’s nonstop interior monologue of doubt. Even the series’ theme is a place where Judy’s insecurities mix together with Birdgirl’s brash confidence.

These supporting characters that compose Judy’s “Birdteam” are all entertaining simply because they all are such contrasts from Birdgirl. The weirdest characters of the lot are Dog With Bucket Hat, who is not Droopy but brings the Hanna-Barbera character to mind, and Meredith the Mind Taker. It’s nice to see that Birdgirl doesn’t fill itself with needless vestiges of the past. It’d be very easy to make Peter Potamus or Peanut some carryover cast member from the old guard, but instead Birdgirl confidently moves forward. Meredith even functions as an example of how to take a concept from Harvey Birdman and update it in a more modern way. Birdgirl also allows its supporting cast to take the lead at times, whereas Harvey Birdman still usually had to have Harvey at the center of everything or at least provide an excuse around his absence and why someone else needs to step in.

This direction is ultimately positive for Birdgirl, but fans of the original may lament the utter lack of Hanna-Barbera connections when that’s what makes Harvey Birdman such a clever series in the first place. It serves as a brilliant deconstruction of both vintage Hanna-Barbera cartoons as well as washed up superheroes. That angle is admittedly less original now, but it still has a stronger hook than Birdgirl, which focuses purely on the dichotomy between the two sides of Judy’s life, almost in a Jekyll/Hyde sense. That’s considerably different to the original Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, so I can understand the appeal of this angle rather than Birdgirl just retreading the former series’ greatest hits. 

Harvey Birdman: Attorney General is an excellent special that doesn’t rely on a cavalcade of Hanna-Barbera references and does establish a new direction for the property that works and shows that this is possible. It’s just unfortunate timing that Birdgirl arrives at a moment where the market is utterly drowning in superhero content and it’s now difficult to find a point of view that still feels fresh. 

Read more

TV

Harvey Birdman, Attorney General: The Creators Break Down The Hero’s Star-Spangled Return

By Daniel Kurland

This does make Birdgirl feel slightly more disposable, rather than an aggressive successor to one of Adult Swim’s original flagship programs, but it’s still overflowing with strong, strange jokes. Birdgirl’s initial premise may cause eyes to roll in a way that Harvey Birdman didn’t, but there’s at least a solid foundation underneath it all that makes sure that these episodes are always entertaining. There’s a greater focus on character that helps Birdgirl connect on an emotional level and not just function as a joke machine. 

The pacing and energy to Birdgirl’s comedy is just as chaotic as it was in Harvey Birdman. Most jokes operate with a Rube Goldbergian sensibility where each gag triggers subsequent punchlines at the perfect moments. Characters from different scenes finish each other’s thoughts and comedy builds through the connected visual gags that fill out the background. There’s such a meticulous nature to the progression of each joke and the gags are allowed to drive the storytelling forward. Scenes in Harvey Birdman can almost feel overwhelming due to how much is going on and how the show can cram a half hour’s worth of comedy into 11 minutes. That’s harder to not just sustain for a half-hour program, but also to tolerate. Birdgirl reaches the right tempo where episodes are packed with gags, but it never feels like it’s too much to process. 

Another surprising turn for Birdgirl is that the series briefly gets into the superhero’s origins and why Judy first adopted this alternate personality. It’s quite a sweet backstory that adds legitimate depth to someone who’s always been a caricature of a figure in the past. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law posits that Birdman’s law career is his twilight chapter after his retirement as a superhero. Space Ghost Coast to Coast operates off of the same general premise. Heroics remain a major part of Judy Ken Sebben’s life and so Birdgirl forces her to juggle these two very different lifestyles. 

The reflexive twist to all of this is that Judy isn’t a normal person who dreams about being a superhero. Birdgirl is a superhero who longs to be taken seriously as a CEO figure. Her life has no lack of danger, but what she can benefit from is a gamma ray blast of responsibility. Birdgirl broaches the idea that Judy can only save one person at a time as a superhero, but as a corporate CEO she’s able to technically help millions at once. It’s a realization that’s said somewhat glibly, but it does feel integral to the core message of Birdgirl.

The superhero nature of Birdgirl is never fully removed from the series and it typically finds a way to naturally connect with Judy’s office affairs. Judy’s Birdteam typically unite to resolve whatever radical madness is at hand, but they still function more like office workers than Avengers. This does help give Birdgirl a certain level of freedom that Harvey Birdman can sometimes lack. 

Birdman is far from predictable, but the courtroom structure largely defines nearly every episode. There’s a wider variety of material for Birdgirl to tackle as Judy deals with assistant woes, company secrets, corporate espionage, or even broader problems like the literal headquarters of Sebben & Sebben gaining sentience and developing a desire to murder Judy. The office backdrop turns out to not be a restrictive environment for Birdgirl since Sebben & Sebben is responsible for an infinite melange of products.

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Birdgirl is an exciting new Adult Swim venture that’s able to successfully carry on the unhinged atmosphere of the original Harvey Birdman while it takes the material to entirely different places. There may be less cache to Birdgirl since it’s not steeped in references to classic cartoons, but the work that it does to make Birdgirl and company new classic characters is an acceptable trade. Harvey Birdman grows better each season and gains a better grasp on how to tell its stories. There’s a lot of potential in Birdgirl and hopefully it gets the same opportunity to grow and help anchor the network’s next wave of programming.

The post Birdgirl Flips The Script On Harvey Birdman And Superhero Culture appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[blahblahwritings]

Contracts and Captains. I.

A/N: Well, I’ve found it only takes a pandemic and a lockdown to get me to write again. I’ve started watching Black Sails and I love it I’m almost on season three. I can’t find many flint x reader fics so I’ll do it myself. I have far too much work to do for University but heres the first chapter of a possible longer fic I want to work on. Knowing me and my unreliable updates lets see how this goes. lmao.

Words: 1818.

Warnings: Blood, Violence. Probably will have smut in later chapters I’m thirsty. Also I’m going for a Flint fic I don’t know how it will end up. Might end up with a Billy fic who knows tbh. 

Nassau, 1715.

The caribbean sun beating down was perishing. The bustling crowds filtering through the streets left little reprieve from the heat and you felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. Humid air filled your struggling lungs, leaving you almost suffocated as you trudged through the side passage of a building. Shade gave you a moment to rest, back leaning against the cool brick, panting. This would have been like any other day you’d had in Nassau, the heat, the crowds, the humidity, but, that wasn’t the only reason you were gasping for breath, sweating or stumbling.

Under your jacket, a pool of deep red was quickly flooding the loose shirt you wore. A white hot pain sliced through the right side of your abdomen, far hotter than the sun. It was the result of a contract gone wrong. A long wheeze escaped your lungs as you pushed off from the wall. You had to keep going. You had to get to Eleanor Guthrie.

Your vision was blurring, the loss of blood taking its toll as every step made the idea of passing out more agreeable. A low growl of frustration left you as you fell against a stack of wooden boxes, the clatter turning more heads than you’d like. So close to the tavern, if your senses had been in order, you’d have smelled the stench of ale and rum, heard the laughter of patrons. All you felt was the throbbing in your side, you smelled the coppery tinge of blood and heard the rushing of what little blood was probably left in your ears. Your chest shook with staggered breathing, your stare stuck on a spot in front of you, your legs outstretched as a hand clutched your wound. A pathetic sight. Weak. That voice in your head spat insults at you. How could you die like this, in a heap in an alley outside a tavern, a stab wound from a simple contract.

You took in a laboured breath, and, with every last drop of energy, you pulled yourself to your feet. You crashed through the wooden doors of the building, gripping to anything to keep you upright. The laughter trailed off, the music came to a halt, all eyes were on you. Lifting your head, you found the stare of none other than Eleanor Guthrie as she rushed over to you. A wry smile made its way to your face as she reached you.

“Ma’am” You spluttered before collapsing, unconscious before you’d even collided with the hard floor.

---

The vague memory of a dream was washed away by the screeching sound of gulls and a layer of sweat coating your body as a white room came into view. The sunlight streaming in from the open windows caused an instant ache behind your eyes. Groaning, you tried to turn away when a sharp pain shot through your torso. Sucking in a breath through your teeth, you returned to the position your back. A light sheet covered you from the chest down, your shirt nowhere to be found. Your pants, however, remained. Turning your head, you found a new shirt, clean and folded neatly on a chair next to the bed alongside your boots. Throwing the sheet aside, you examined your abdomen, finding it wrapped in a bandage, a small red stain peeking through. Slowly, you sat up, moving so your feet were on the floor and reached to grab the shirt, pulling it over your head.

A note floated down, landing beside your boots. Your brow twitched into confusion before righting itself. Bending forwards, your breath hitched as the stabbing pain worsened for a moment before dulling to a throb. Grasping the note, you began to read.

‘Miss Devereux,

Miss Guthrie would like to speak with you at once. Please make your way to her office as soon as you wake.

Mr Scott.’

An exhaustive sigh left you. This won’t be good. Putting your boots on and standing, you wondered how long you had been unconscious. Your wound had been cleaned and bandaged but the rest of you was still covered in old dirt and sweat. You looked at the basin by the window, contemplating at least getting the worst of it off. Fuck it. You thought as you moved towards the door, if she wants to see me at once she will.

You approached the closed door to her office, one of Hornigold’s men standing guard. He gave you a pitiful look.

“Is she that bad?” You asked, voice low. His lips pulled into a thin line as his eyes moved to yours for a moment before returning to the drunks below. Taking a deep breath you opened the door, not even bothering to knock.

A man in a long black coat, jaw-length brown hair and a red beard sat at the desk opposite Eleanor. Her eyes found yours and suddenly turned very dark. He turned to look at you, eyes scanning you in curiosity. “You wanted to see me, ma’am.” You stated, eyes never leaving hers.

“Captain Flint, I must speak with Miss Devereux, would you give us the room?” Her voice was short, she was pissed. Glancing between the two of you, the captain stood, moving past you.

“Good day, miss Guthrie, miss.. Devereux.” He nodded before disappearing completely. The door shut behind you leaving you to likely be torn limb from limb by the woman still standing across the desk. You had your reasons to be angry too. Silence. Only her heavy breathing could be heard. You opened your mouth to speak when she beat you to it.

“What the fuck happened?” She spat. You scoffed.

“Why, miss Guthrie I’m very well despite being stabbed by the madman you had me track down and watch, thank you for asking.” You snarled stepping toward her.

“Don’t give me that. What. Happened.”

“Well if you really want to know, I was tailing him perfectly fine, I found out what you needed and probably would have even gotten more for you had you told me he was going to be guarded by a group of degenerates. They tipped him off to me following him and I lost him before we got to the beach, I was dragged off by his dogs and ended up having to take most of them down and then he came back, asking why I was watching him and who I worked for. When I didn’t say anything, he took a swing. You know the rest.” You explained with a sneer, plonking yourself into the chair in front of her desk with only a slight wince.

“What a royal fuck up. Now he knows someone is after his plans, do you know the repercussions this could have on me? On us?” She bent over the table, sinking to your level.

“Oh so it’s ‘us’ now is it? I thought I was just a means to an end, last we spoke. Nothing more than a set of skills for hire.” You growled. She pulled back and turned to look out the window.

“You are a valuable asset to this place, to me. You care about the future of this place as much as I do, as does Captain Flint.” She trailed off.  A sigh. “Tell me what you found.” She finished, turning back, more composed than before, sitting in her chair.

---

After the little chat with Eleanor, she saw to it you were given a bath and a new bandage, returning your sword, daggers and throwing knives as well as your coat, clean. She told you if she needed you, she would send for you and so, after getting cleaned up, you left.

You’d found a place to eat, sitting at a bench outside, a mystery stew and some bread in front of you. You were half way through your meal when you felt like you were being watched. Three men approached the table you were at, sitting one beside you and two in front of you.

“Gentlemen, Stew?” You offered, knowing full well they weren’t here for polite conversation. The man next to you was wider than he was tall, built like stone with tattoos down the side of his face and neck. Opposite was a tall man, arms like tree trunks and a rather large dagger placed in front of him, a warning or a promise you weren’t entirely sure. Finally, next to him, was a darker skinned man, peering at you like you were his next meal. Clearing your throat, you stood carefully, looking at all three with a small smile on your face. “I feel rather unwelcome here, may I ask what this is about?” No answer. “Right, well, I suppose I’ll be off then, it is quite late after all, goodnight.”

You turned, stepping over the bench you were sat on when a hand gripped your wrist pulling you back. In retaliation you flipped the hot stew at the larger one's face, causing him to cry out, then, all hell broke loose. Punches were thrown left and right, your knife wound causing you to be slower than usual allowing them to land a few good hits. People crowded around the scene wondering what it was all about. Ducking under one of their punches your fist found its mark, doubling one over as you brought a knee to his face with a sickening crack. He fell to the floor as you whirled around, sweeping the smaller one’s legs out from under him and stamping your boot into his face, knocking him out. The largest of the men towered over you and honestly you weren’t quite sure how you’d be able to escape this one. His fist found your jaw, knocking you to the ground, you were stunned as a ringing filled your ears. He crawled on top of you, pulling his arm back for another strike when something hit him over the head, he looked a little confused before going limp, his full weight landing on you.

You groaned at the sudden pressure on your ribcage, feeling the adrenaline slowly pass and allowing all the pain from the fight to flood into your bones. Someone pulled the giant off you, offering you a hand up. In the dark you couldn’t quite see who it was until they pulled you up. You arched your back, cracking it far more than what was probably healthy and brushing yourself off. You’d need another bath that's for sure.

Looking up, you found the same man Eleanor was speaking with prior to your intrusion.

“Captain James Flint.” He introduced, extending his hand. His face was pulled into a frown and the crowd dissipated. The men on the ground were incapacitated or rolling around in pain as you glanced at them. Tilting your head up to his taller figure, you put your hand in his.

“Miss Elizabeth Devereux”

[hollandroos]

Build Me Up (Buttercup)

My imagines ❀ My series 

Summary: Tom receives a knock at his door at half-past one am from his bruised and bloodied best friend. 

Prompts; “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?” (This was requested as a blurb but I got carried away)

Words: 1.7k

Warnings: Mentions of physical fights, blood and drinking 

                                 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tom hardly seemed to sleep as of late. He was always typing emails to someone, working on one project or another or chasing after one of his friends. He didn’t seem to mind – especially when it came to seeing to his friends. If they needed him, he was there.

All he needed was coffee and a nap the next day. 

But he didn’t expect the shrill ringing of his front door to flood the apartment at one twenty-six am. At first, he ignored it. Thinking it was a prank from neighbouring teens he shoves the nearest pillow over his head right after glancing at his phone only to see a few texts from Harrison and a game request from one of his brothers. 

But when it rings for the third time he hauls himself out from beneath the sheets, groaning as the cold autumn air hits his bare chest. A shiver runs down the brunette's spine – one that makes him want to climb back into bed but Tessa had already rolled onto his spot, taking place where he once lay. He trusts that she’d shield the warmth until he got back from – most likely – warning off angsty teens at half-past one am.

Tom had to get to ‘em before Mary Jane across the street did with her bat.

Sighing, he pads out to the front door nearly tripping over clothes that long-needed washing and dog toys that he swears Tess lay in the hallway. Tom was totally one to curse but cricky – something about stepping on a chew toy in the dark makes him have to bite down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. This prevents him from yelling out a string of curses that’d make the neighbours hide their 6-year-old boy from Tom for the remainder of their lease. 

Right outside the door, facing the bitter seasonal air stands you. 

You slip your lip between your teeth right before tasting the crimson blood on your tongue. it’s gross - the taste reminds you of when you were in fourth grade and tripped and fell on your face. And when you had that dental operation in sixth. 

You release it, screwing your face up instantly in disgust. By now the blood had probably stained the area around your mouth and beneath your nose, the bruising had probably painted your torso shades of purple and blue. Surely you looked a right mess, without a doubt. And you were tired too – so tired that you could sleep on the patio with Toms glass garden gnomes and the hedgehogs that visited every now and then.

You were cold too, the tips of your fingers numb and toes painfully so in your party heels. The dress you were wearing hardly did anything. You didn’t even have a coat. 

Tom opens the door a crack, opening it fully when he sees you standing there but through that crack, one merely a few inches he doesn't see the extent of your injuries… or any of them. It’s not until the door is fully open that he feels his chest ache and questions begin to plague his mind.

“Holy shit– what…” Tom eyes you up and down, mouth falling open in shock and his knuckles tighten around the front door. Surely it’d splinter, that's how hard he was gripping it. “Are you hurt?”

You shake your head, wincing when the pain hits. “No.”

In any other situation you would’ve pointed out that he was damn near naked and if it wasn’t so dark out then little Mary Jane next door, the elderly who was always out doing her lawn would’ve been scarred. But in any other situation, you wouldn’t be standing on his doorstep drunk and pained. 

“Then why are there bruises all over your face?” Tom says it a little more aggressively then he means too, with an almost hoarse tone. But he feels all traces of still being tired – whatever was left, slowly float away. That exhaustion turns into and in fact– fuels his anger. 

You look broken, both physically and mentally and hardly able to even hold yourself up and with that realisation, he steps aside to let you hobble in. You hold yourself up with little energy, leaning against the wall to stop yourself from tumbling. Feeling as weak as you look, you want to ask for a glass of water or a blanket but all that comes out of your mouth is a string of words recalling the last hour. 

“I was at that bar down the street and I got in a fight with this girl who thought that I was flirting with her boyfriend but really I was just asking him if I could borrow his phone because I lost my own and I still might be a little drunk–”

“Did you drive here?” Tom interrupts, checking if you were still holding your car keys. He doesn’t see any - and he doubts that even drunk you’d do something that stupid. But still, he has to check. 

You shake your head, strands of hair sticking to your bloodied face. “No– no, of course not. I walked–”

“You walked?! Y/N, It’s like one am what the fuck?” Tom throws his arms over his head, raising his voice to the distaste of his poor neighbours. Tom hated the thought of you walking down the streets of London by yourself, drunk and cold. without a phone nor a companion. He would’ve walked you home in sweats and slippers if it meant you weren’t alone.

It leaves a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. One that hadn’t seemed to leave since the very second he saw your broken form. It only escalated when you told him the story. Tom swears that if the feeling gets any worse he’ll quite literally throw up – hopefully on the patio and not the new, four hundred dollar rug in the middle of the living room. 

“Relax, I’m okay. Besides, I think after tonight I’ve learnt that I throw a pretty mean punch.” You try your best to smile, wincing as you pull on the cut on your lip. “If you think this is bad you should’ve seen her.”

It’s a lie. You’re in way worse shape then the other girl but don’t say that out loud. At least not tonight. Usually, Tom would’ve been able to see right through your lies – after many years of friendship that was compulsory but not tonight. Maybe it was the alcohol that allowed you to lie to him so easily. Maybe your best friend was just more concerned with the bruises that littered icy skin to notice the tale tail signs of you slipping in a little dishonest information. 

Tom rests a hand on your cheek, assessing the bruises. “Your eye is bruising pretty badly and your lip is split.”

“You should see my ribs.” You snort, words still a little bit slurred. 

With wide eyes and a heart that skips not one– but possibly Tom beats, your tired best friend lets out an exasperated gasp.“What!”

“Relax, it’s not that bad.”  

By morning, you’d regret the shots you took one after the other and dancing on tables like no one was watching (in reality… everyone was watching) and you’d probably regret causing your poor best friend enough stress to give him a heart attack. Silently, you’d regret trying to fight back with the drunk girl and you’d regret not taking up the bartenders offer of a couple of bags of ice and a free bottle of water to compensate. 

“Just a little… a little bit sore.” You tell Tom swallowing the blood that stains your teeth with a queasy expression. 

With that, you tug the underside of your dress up. It wasn’t anything Tom hadn’t seen before - not the injuries. You. Your body. Besides, it wasn’t hard to focus when bruises were blossoming on your torso. Appearing like daisies in spring.

“Fucking shit–”

You gasp at your friend's curses, blurting out a strong; “Language!”

“You need to go to the ER,” Tom tells you, wondering just how long you’d be able to stand on your feet for. The heels couldn’t be too comfortable.

You had long forgotten about the blisters that up until just recently, had been the causes of your wincing and whining. 

Pressing a firm finger to the boy's chest, you prepare your next statement. Keep in mind that it’s early in the am’s. The moon illuminates the city instead of the familiar glow of the sun and everyone else was curled up in their beds, shielded by layers of cotton blankets and pets that guard the doors – asleep themselves. All except Tessa. 

Yawning, you allow your eyes to flutter open and shut. Sleep sounded nice. It sounded marvellous. Sleeping next to Tom, entangled in a shirt of the boys and the familiar scent that had intertwined itself with his pillow sounded perfect.

“You need to let me sleep first.”

“Sleep after I’ve taken you to the ER.” Tom eyes you up and down, noticing the goosebumps that decorate your arms and the fact that your lips already looked a little discoloured – and not from the blood and bruises that paint your expression. “You can borrow some of my clothes so you don’t get cold. And maybe have a glass of water or two and a protein bar first.”

A pout replaces the purse that once adorned your features. “But sleep–”

“But you need to go the ER, I’m not letting you sleep when you may have a concussion and I’m most definitely not letting you go into work tomorrow.” Taking your hand carefully, Tom tangles your fingers together. It was a little thing the two of you did whenever one of you was nervous or hurt – a kind of ‘I’m here and I’m not leaving’ thing. 

Tom sighs, noticing your face fall from what looked like a combination of exhaustion and slight disappointment. He didn’t want to disappoint you – he wants you to be safe. Fully aware of the alcohol making you a little more receptive to your current overwhelming abundance of emotions, Tom shakes his head.

“Now buttercup, go sit on the couch and I’ll grab you and me some clothes and some food. We could be there for a while.”

Tell me what you thought! + My writing ♡

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[theyearoftheking]

Book Thirty-Nine: The Green Mile

Hoooooly crap, y’all! This is the halfway point of this project: I’ve read thirty-nine books, and I have approximately thirty-nine more to go (depending what Steve releases before the end of the year). And honestly? If it wasn’t for COVID, and quarantine, and lots of time traveling (pre-COVID, of course); I wouldn’t have reached the halfway point. This probably would have turned into a two year project. But here we are, diving into The Green Mile!

Of all the Steve books, I dreaded re-reading The Green Mile the most. I had originally read it when it was first published, and it came out in chapters every few weeks. I’d breathlessly tear through a chapter, only to have to wait for the next one to be released. It was a pretty fun format, and I really wish I still had my original chapters. Oh well. 

But this time around, I didn’t think I was in the right head-space to read it, and the world sure as hell isn’t in the right head-space. The Green Mile was published in 1996, and takes place in 1932. It could very well have been set in our current climate. Just a few quotes for you...

“He got (his sentence) commuted mostly because he was white...”

“I think we have to be humane and generous to solve the race problem. But we have to remember that your negro will bite if he gets the chance, just like a mongrel dog will bite if he gets the chance and it crosses his mind to do so.” 

“John Coffey is a Negro, and in Trapingus County we’re awful particular about giving new trials to Negros...” 

NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED SINCE 1932!! We are still hearing these same sentiments from people claiming, “I’m not a racist, but...” Our judicial system is still biased against POC, and the rate of incarceration for POC compared to whites is staggering. 

NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED. And that’s the part that makes me the most sad. So, yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to cracking The Green Mile in our current climate. 

Few Steve books have touched me the way this one did. A fellow Constant Reader pointed out, “This is one of the only stories where he showcases the forces of good. We usually get ghosts and demons, but John Coffey may be the closest thing he has ever wrote of an angel...” Hot damn, Sam Beall, you’re not wrong. 

But in addition to forces of good, we’ve also got Percy Wetmore; who I feel is the nastiest Steve villain ever... he makes Randall Flagg and The Crimson King look like dudes who drink matcha lattes at a cat cafe, and compare notes on their polarized sunglasses. Percy Wetmore immediately activates my, “must kick hard in the junk” reflex. He. Is. The. Worst.

The Green Mile is told from the POV of Paul Edgecombe; a prison guard on “the green mile;” which is where convicted killers awaiting the death penalty are housed. “The green mile” refers to the long hallway inmates have to walk down to get to the electric chair.

 The story kicks off when John Coffey (like the drink but spelled different) is accused and found guilty of brutally raping and murdering two little blonde twin girls. He’s found on a riverbank, clutching their bodies, and crying, “I couldn’t help it, I tried to take it back, but it was too late...” 

So, Coffey makes his way onto The Mile, and shares space with Eduard Delacroix and his pet mouse Mr. Jingles; and William Wharton (Billy the Kid, or Wild Billy, depending on the day). Delacroix is French southern gentleman found guilty of murder, and then arson to hide the murder scene. He’s a bad guy... don’t get me wrong... but there’s something intensely likable about him. Maybe it’s the pet mouse he’s trained, maybe it’s his meek nature that Percy (another prison guard) takes advantage of... I don’t know. But you grow to like him, and the relationship he has with Mr. Jingles. Mr. Jingles randomly showed up one day, and the guards (except Percy) were all taken with him. After Percy attempts to smash him with a club, he takes to Delacroix and whispers in his ear that his name is Mr. Jingles. 

William Wharton is another story. He’s a wild card, who upon his arrival, promptly tries to strangle a prison guard. He also spits masticated Moon Pie at another guard. Sooo, he’s a lot of fun. 

The three of them live on the wing, and the first up for execution is Delacroix. Percy has a particular hatred of him, he claims he tried to grab his junk once. It didn’t happen... Del just got yanked along when he was in handcuffs and fell in Percy’s lap. The day before his execution, Percy thinks it might be fun to kill Mr. Jingles. Like I said... total fucking asshole. He stomps on him, and Del loses it. Mr. Jingles is the only thing he loves in the whole world... and maybe the only thing that loves him back. 

Thinking quickly, Coffey asks for Mr. Jingles little mousy body. Speaking of junk grabbing, he grabbed Paul and cured the UTI he had brewing for weeks. So, Paul is hopeful Coffey can use his miraculous healing abilities to do it again. And he does! Mr. Jingles lives!

But Percy’s not done being a scab on the balls of society. The night of Del’s execution, he tells him Mr. Jingles isn’t going to Mouseville like Paul promised he was (total lie- like telling kids a dog is going to live on a farm). And then, Percy doesn’t wet the sponge before placing it on Del’s head prior to his execution, so it’s horrible, painful and just horrible. So, Del is dead, Percy plays the, “I don’t know what happened!” card, and Mr. Jingles is gone. My heart. Of all the scenes in the book, I was dreading this one the most. 

Meanwhile, the prison warden, Hal Moores is struggling with the fact his wife Melinda has a massive brain tumor, and it’s starting to change her personality. He doesn’t know what to do. Paul thinks they should pack Coffey up, and take him out to the Moores’s house and have him heal Melinda. 

It’s a crazy idea, but it ends up working. The other prison guards drug Billy; and  put Percy in a straitjacket and throw him in the supply closet so he doesn’t notice anything is amiss. They tell him it’s payback for how Del’s death went down. So, they race out to see Hal and Melinda, and Coffey does his thing. They race back to the prison, and no one notices they’ve been gone. However, Coffey is in a bad way. This was much more healing than he’s used to doing, and he’s mentally and physically exhausted.

After they release Percy from the supply closet, Coffey grabs him and “kisses” him: which transfers the sick energy he got from Melinda into Percy. Percy then turns around, and shoots Wild Billy/Billy the Kid dead; and then becomes catatonic. 

He’s then carted off to the psych ward, which is too good for him. Fiery pits of hell would have been better. 

But wait!

Plot twist! Billy the Kid had briefly touched Coffey, and Coffey learned HE was the one who had killed the two little girls.  Paul puts this together as well, and tries to fight for Coffey’s release. He realizes Coffey’s words,  “I couldn’t help it, I tried to take it back, but it was too late...” were about his inability to heal the girls, not his guilt.

 When I had read the revelation the first time, I flew through the end, hoping and praying justice would be served, and Coffey wouldn’t be executed. Bad things didn’t happen to good people like John Coffey, right? Oh, how naive. There were A LOT of tears. 

But Coffey is at peace with his upcoming execution. He tells Paul, “I’m rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel, boss. I’m tired of bein on the road, lonely as a robin in the rain. Not ever havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where we’s comin from or goin to or why. I’m tired of people bein ugly to each other. It feels like pieces of glass in my head. I’m tired of all the times I’ve wanted to help and couldn’t. I’m tired of bein in the dark. Mostly it’s the pain. There’s too much...”

That right there makes me cry every damn time I read it. 

So, Coffey is executed, and life continues on; as it always seems to do. Paul is actually writing this story in his old age, at the  Georgia Pines nursing home. There’s an orderly there who’s just as evil as Percy, and he keeps trying to follow Paul on his daily walks outside. Where’s Paul going??? 

TO SEE MR. JINGLES!!! 

Yes! He’s still alive! It seems when Coffey healed people, it added onto their life expectancy. Mr. Jingles was still alive, and Paul was one hundred and four years old. But he knew his time was coming. He reflects on the loss of his beautiful wife, the people he knew on the Green Mile, the guards he worked with, and that mile seems LONG. 

Such a sad, beautiful end to an incredible work. This is another one I recommend to people who tell me they don’t like Stephen King. Try it... you’ll like it... when your heart is done breaking that is...

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 27

Total Dark Tower References: 38

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Needful Things: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next is Desperation, which I know nothing about, other than it’s a real chonk of a book. 

Do me a favor, please? Stop being ugly to each other. Stop hurting gentle people like John Coffey. Please and thank you.

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[dapper-ships-herself]

Le Cirque des Désenchantés

Greetings one and all! I welcome you to our humble circus! Look around you at the world outside, be not fooled by the glamorous blanket they will try and throw over your heads. Out there is a cruel world of misery and despair, a place where the downtrodden find no purchase and are left under heel, it is a gem covered in grim and dust. But, must we lay down and weep over this fact? Here, in this tent, we see the world for the way it truly is, and so we add our own color! The world will not give us the luster we seek, so we shall create it for our selves! Join us on this night, where even we can create our own best of all possible worlds!

Allow me to introduce myself~ I am your ringmaster, Voltaire!

 I have been told I’m a bit of an optimist, even in the face of this cruel world. I adore this circus with my entire being, having founded it and recruited each member myself. My special ability is called Candide, and it allows me to read the mind of an individual I make eye contact with.

Now, allow me to introduce some of our members~

This man is Martin, a friend of mine since childhood. He’s not actually a performer, but he is essential to us. I suppose you could call him our strategist, he manages much of our back stage and helps keep me in check, This circus wouldn’t run nearly as smoothly without him. He’s a bit of a glass half empty kind of fellow, pragmatic through and through; I’ve tried to tell him he should lighten up a bit more for as long as I’ve known him.

Jane de la Vaudere is our fortune teller. She carries with her an aura of mystique, but she is truly warm and motherly, especially caring to those of us in this circus. Her special ability is called La Sorcière d'Ecbatane, when her left eye is covered, she can see a limited glimpse of a person’s future, and when her right eye is covered she is capable of producing a myriad of fantastic magical effects, mostly harmless shows of light and such that we use in our performances, but she does have a few trickier spells up her sleeve.

Stendhal is our master magician! As talented as he is with slight of hand, he’s an extremely shy fellow. The mask he wears is not only for the sake of his costume, it’s also a sort of security blanket for him, and he rarely takes it off. His ability is called Le Rouge et le Noir, which allows him to control playing cards.

Renee Vivien is one of our performers. She loves luxury and relaxation more than pretty much anything, and adores a good celebration. Her ability is called Le Club de l'Enfer, allowing her to summon a group of tiny devil like creatures to do her bidding.

  Gaston Leroux is a performer with us. Mysterious, quite, and aloof, those words work well to describe our precious Gaston. Be not deterred by his mannerisms and general lack of social skills, he dedicates himself in his entirety to this circus and truly cares. His ability is called Le fantôme de l'Opéra, from his body he can secrete an inky substance that he can manipulate at will, and is also able to to sprout eyes within this substance to look around an area remotely.

Rachilde is our beast tamer. Truly a gentle girl, she prefers to lead our animal performers through a kind touch rather than through whips as is traditional. Though she is very kind and gentle, she is not incapable of showing a, shall we say crueler side to herself; this rarely comes out though and only in the face of a threat to our family. Her ability is called Face à la Peur, letting her see her target’s greatest fear and then trap them in a mental space with an embodiment of that fear, the target is physically asleep until either she releases them or they somehow manage to defeat this fear.

Albert Camus acts as our clown. Many people are put off by his face and admittedly very creepy demeanor, but that’s all surface level, inside he is a caring, sweet man who simply wants to make people smile and wishes others could see his intentions better than they often do. His ability is called L'Étranger, which allows him to induce temporary memory loss upon a target, making them a complete stranger to them self for up to a day.

 Charles Baudelaire is a dancer for us. Calm and graceful in everything he does, he is quite the fan of teasing his fellow circus members, but it all comes from a place of love truly. His ability is called Les Paradis Artificiels, he can create a special powder which he blows out of his pipe and into the air, effecting the ambiance of an area, usually used to either relax people so they let down their guard, or excite them.  

 Victor Hugo is our strongman. He is the true definition of a gentle giant, and you can’ help but trust him despite his imposingly large frame. He’s an expert at controlling his incredible strength and is surprisingly dexterous with his hands, he loves to whittle wood as his hobby. His ability is called Les Misérables he is able to blanket an area in apathy, making it difficult for those within to muster up the energy to fight or even move.

And last, but certainly never the least, we have

Gillian, our star acrobat. She is a master of the aerial silks and a sight to see on the trapeze, her balance upon the tightrope leaves audiences on the edge of their seats. She has a penchant for sarcasm and mischief with a sharp smile to match; beyond that, though, she is very easy to fluster with words, the only place she’s never lost her composure is in the air. She adores our circus family more than anything, seeing it as the only thing worth truly caring about for the most part. Her ability is known as l'Essence de l'Humanité, an ability that greatly increases the strength of other abilities; it works best through physical contact, but if she puts her full concentration on an ability user and so long as she keeps that concentration and they remain within her line of sight then it will also take effect.   

Dear disillusioned, we hope to see you come around to enjoy our spectacular performance some day, where you can forget your troubles for one night and enjoy an enchanted world~

---------

So yeah, this is the french group of circus OCs for Bungou Stray Dogs I’ve been talking about for a while now! 

They are a very popular performance across Europe, though most audience members have no clue about the, hm, shadier jobs they take low-key.

These authors were chosen either because they’re famous and the first ones I thought of with the prompt of “French authors”, or they are from the decadence movement of French writing, which was a movement characterized by “self-disgust, revulsion at the world, skepticism, delight in the perverse, and belief in the superiority of human creativity over logic and nature”. I thought that fit in with the theme of this being a group of people who have come together after being looked down upon, beaten by, and exposed to the darker parts of the world, they are disillusioned from seeing a perfect world. But they have also decided not to be totally jaded depressos about this, instead for the most part adopting an attitude of “yeah, lots of things suck, but we can have fun together in a little world of our own creation”, which is the circus. 

The circus is an extremely tight knit family and they all love each other dearly, all believing that they have to look out for each other since no one else will.

Story wise, I think they enter in between seasons 2 and 3 and would have their own season where they are actually the antagonists. Fyodor wants to continue to poke at the agency and try another approach at retrieving the book before he gets his own hands dirty by becoming more directly involved. So, he approaches Voltaire and tells him about a special book that can make anything come true, and that this book can be used to create the “best of all possible worlds” he so desires for his circus family. Under the guise of branching out in touring, the circus heads to Yokohama, Japan.

I have a bit of a plot worked out from there, but mostly pertaining to how the arc wraps up. This post is getting long, but I’d be happy to talk about that more later~

Anyway, please love my circus children, I worked hard on them.   

Picrews: o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o

[panharmonium]

stranger things 3, a visual summary:

more coherent thoughts under the cut, because wow.

......okay.  that was a Trainwreck.  an absolute mess.

i remember when my coworkers were watching S3 (and still urging me to start season 1) and they were saying how amazing the latest season was, and honestly i think there must just be a difference in people who watch tv just to be entertained and people who watch tv and automatically evaluate the story (aka fandom veterans and English majors, lol - cue Me twice), because WHO could watch this critically and praise it that way?

it's honestly hard to know where to even begin; i've been sending frustrated notes to @brambleberrycottage ever since episode three and now that i'm done with episode 8 there's just......so much more to say

first, good things:

erica is a great character.  she's what max should have been (aka, uh.......interesting!)  i liked the realization moment where dustin was like "you're a NERD!"

that entire sequence where will is so upset with lucas and mike for not being engaged with the dnd game was very well done, especially the conversation he has with mike out in the rain.  i loved that moment where mike asked him "did you think we were just going to hang out in my basement playing games forever?" and will said, "yeah.  yeah, i guess i did."  i really felt that.  [edit, now that i've finished: this was never resolved.  will giving away his dnd books at the end was not an actual resolution to this conflict.]

steve is still a good dude, and robin was pretty cool.  i'm down for them being super friends.  but i'm still mourning the steve+nancy+jonathan trio that was a thing for like 5 seconds and then never returned.

i loved how genuinely excited steve was to see dustin when dustin came back from camp.  that was adorable.  "HENDERSON!!!!"  "how many children are you friends with?"

and uh. yeah.  i had more problems with this season than praise-bestowing moments, so.  here goes that bit.

OVERARCHING PROBLEMS:

1. keep it simple, stupid

remember in the office when dwight quoted the above advice to ryan as michael's rule for making a sale?  the same advice applies to storytelling.

season 1 of stranger things is so simple.  there is One Monster.  that is the danger.  and somehow, that single monster manages to be a thousand times more terrifying than all of these new "bigger, scarier, more epic" threats crammed into the second two seasons.

how goofy is the stranger things season 3 plot, seriously?  russians are blackmailing a small-town mayor so they can buy up land to steal power from the town while operating a secret lab under the mall to open a gate to the Upside Down (WHY?), while simultaneously a remnant of the malevolent force that was "defeated" last season has reanimated itself and is making people scarf chemicals (WHY?), and then it possesses one of them and uses that person to possess a bunch of other people in order to build itself a body made out of melted people, in order to kill el, whose only story this season is breaking up with her boyfriend, and we have to infiltrate this russian base in order to close the gate (same endgame as last season - BIG NO-NO) to kill the goo monster, except last time the "mindflayer” survived the gate being closed, so why would this even WORK, and -

the fact that there are so many "round-up/info dump" scenes where characters summarize what's going on and make implausibly accurate connections/guesses about what it all must mean is a red flag.  the characters shouldn’t have to tell your story to the audience.  if it's too complicated for us to keep straight on our own, it's too complicated.  

the amount of energy that goes into trying to lash together a Chaos Plot with too many shaky legs leaves nothing left over for nuanced character development or mood establishment.  you're constantly running to catch up to your own flimsy story before it collapses on top of itself.

2. the horror!

S1 of stranger things was the scariest thing i'd ever seen.

granted, i don't watch a lot of horror, because i don't like it.  i get scared too easily and then i legitimately can't sleep.  i watched a horror movie five years ago that i still think about every time the lights are off in my house.  but still, ST1 was something i had never experienced before.

it wasn't creature horror, and it wasn't just suspense.  it was the UNSETTLINGNESS of it all.  it wasn't really about the monster.  it was about the Upside Down.

the reason ST1 is so successful is because of how much we don’t know.  it's the horror of not understanding what is happening, and the terror of knowing that nobody thinks it’s real.  feeling like you're going crazy and being cut off from all assistance.  the conspiracy and the cover-up.  and the sheer unsettlingness of the whole parallel worlds things just tipped me over the edge - the idea that you can take one wrong step and then be suddenly and without warning completely off the map, simultaneously right next to the people you want to get to and also utterly beyond their reach.  that was fucking scary!!!!  

and they do it all with so little.  i have literally never been more scared in my life than when i would see those christmas lights start flickering.  and they're just LIGHTS!  yes, we see the monster later, but it's the uncertainty that's most frightening.  we don't understand how it arrives in our world, and we don’t know where it will show up next.  it could be right next to you - on the other side.  you could be standing on top of it.  you just don't know.  it’s like what jonathan says to nancy in her bedroom - “it can’t get us in here.”  and she says, “we don’t know that.”

the later seasons of stranger things, by comparison, did not scare me at all.  season two was like a zombie movie - hordes of weak enemies that you can just shoot with a gun.  and season 3 was even less frightening - upping the ante and making things gorier, more explosive, and bigger just isn't the vibe they set in S1.  i'm not scared of that giant goop monster.  it's like godzilla.  it's not horror; it's just a lot of noise.

the unsettling, "creep" factor that made season 1 so effective was gone.  it just turned into a regular old monster movie, and i didn't find that particularly interesting.

3. illogical, captain

a while ago there was a wave of pushback against people complaining about plot holes, but you know what?  there is, in fact, an appropriate place for us to talk about plausibility, as well as the point at which our suspension of disbelief collapses.

ST3 is a bona fide plausibility disaster.  i did not believe half of the story, because it was not unfolding in a believable way.

half of the plot points in this season would not have happened if the characters had been behaving with any kind of sense.  it is absolutely impossible for me to believe that none of these children IMMEDIATELY went to joyce or hopper the minute they knew something weird was going on.  it makes no sense.  after the shit they've seen?  it makes sense in season 1, because the kids are still so young that they have that kind of magical thinking that makes all of this seem kind of like an adventure.  but they're teenagers now, and developmentally, they’re past that stage.  they know the evil creature is back and they're pretty sure it's possessing billy?  for some unfathomable reason, they don't go to an adult, but try to trap billy in the sauna and just see what happens.  the other group has actual proof that russian soldiers are up to something shady in the mall?  they don't tell an adult; they send a TEN YEAR-OLD in through the AIR DUCTS to investigate the secret room guarded by MEN WITH GUNS.

this is ridiculous.  none of this should have happened.  none of this WOULD have happened.  it breaks the boundaries of disbelief.  it completely sabotages the audience’s engagement with the story - joyce and hopper's whole detour with alexei and murray is so dull, because its entire purpose is to bring hop and joyce up to speed on something that we, the audience, already know.  the other characters already found out this stuff, but did not communicate it - the gate is being opened again in a russian lab underground.  there's no suspense for us.  nothing new is revealed.  we're just waiting for them to hurry up and finish finding out so we can move on to the next thing.

moreover: there are so many other problems besides just "these characters would have talked to each other."  why on earth would murray, whose sole characteristic is extreme paranoia, take alexei wandering around the festival for hot dogs and carnival games.  why would hopper be so virulently against the possibility that weird shit might be happening again?  does he remember the past year or what?  how on earth would the kids be able to fight off that massive monster with an ax and a hunting rifle?  it's made out of dead guts and bones; why does it care if they shoot it?!  how in the WORLD is this russian facility so penetrable?  i'm sorry, it's just - beyond believable.  it doesn't have cameras?  the russians guards really can't tell that murray isn't a native speaker?  they don't check his id when they don't recognize him?  joyce and hopper really just got that lucky, to be asked a question and have “smile and nod” be the right answer?  nobody ever got shot?  it's silly.  it's just silly.  so many things - erica uses the "Open" button to open the elevator door in order to let steve and robin and dustin inside, but once the elevator is at the bottom of the shaft, robin explains the door's inexplicable non-opening because......you apparently need a keycard to use the buttons????  THAT MAKES NO SENSE; ERICA JUST USED THE BUTTONS A SECOND AGO.

even the entire endgame of this season is a contradiction!  if the mind-flayer survived el closing the gate last time, it doesn't make sense that closing the gate this time would kill it.  literally the entire plot of last season was "we need to get this thing out of will, because the creature will die once the gate is closed, and we want to make sure will doesn't die with it."  but apparently the creature didn't die upon closing the gate; it just got trapped in our dimension.  but now apparently it WILL die upon closing the gate.  for whatever fucking reason.

i'm sorry, but that’s a mess.  that’s a bona fide mess.

4. watch your tone

i honestly think the tonal change is the thing that made me the most frustrated about this season.  it's possible to have a terrible plot and still stay relatively true to your characters - you'll still have a bad season, but at least you didn't bastardize your characters in the process.

i had issues with S2 and i definitely was not as impressed with it as i was with S1, but at least in S2 joyce and hopper were recognizable.  in S3, i felt like i was watching strangers.  the tonal shift was bizarre and off-putting, more so with hopper than joyce, but it affected both of them.  

even as early as the very beginning of this season, i was feeling weird about how often hopper was being used for comedy.  and as the season progressed, this trend only became more pronounced.  almost every scene we had of him felt silly - and not like there was just something funny in the scene for me to laugh at, but like the audience was almost being asked to laugh AT him.  like he was constantly the butt of the joke.  

this really bothered me.  from that incredibly sincere and heart-wrenching portrayal of him in season 1, when they kept him rooted in the trauma of losing his daughter and the breakdown of his marriage, and then how that same trauma made him so driven to save will and protect the kids - what a change.  even in season 2 i was frustrated how the throughline of his daughter wasn’t touched again until the very last episode, and now in season 3 we’ve left that part of him so far behind that he's just there for us to laugh at.  we're supposed to laugh at scenes of him being drunk and a mess.  every scene he's in is either him arguing with joyce for comedic relief or being way over the top with alexei or the mayor.  he was like a caricature of himself, and i didn't recognize him.  

joyce suffered from the same thing, just by virtue of proximity.  she spent almost all of her time in this season with hopper, and virtually all of that time was taken up with silly shenanigans or comically overblown arguing.  what a departure from the desperate mother of season 1, who was maligned by everyone in town and only taken seriously by the audience.  now it’s the audience who are supposed to be chuckling at her.  

i dunno.  the tone shift was very dramatic, very obvious, and it impacted the entire season.  are we supposed to be taking this seriously or is it supposed to be a joke?  a little bit of humor to break tension can be a good thing, but when it's constant, it confuses the mood.  

and i personally don't think it was appropriate or respectful to either of these characters, in this case.

SMALLER THINGS THAT BOTHERED ME:

this show has 100% hit maximum character saturation.  by the end of this season there were 13 core characters onscreen at the same time, in the same scene!  it’s too many people!  they cannot reasonably develop that many people in the space allotted.

i still am not interested in max.  i don't feel anything for her.  she doesn't feel real.  i don't hate her, but she's just an empty vessel, and i really do think she's superfluous to this show.  i think you could remove her with very little reworking and the show would be stronger for it.  (they TRIED to do something interesting with billy, and i might have cared if we had been given literally any reason to care about him previously, but there was no investment earned there.  they didn't do the front-end work to make him somebody we were interested in.)

weird relationship sunderings from previous seasons.  i felt very strange about jonathan barely even seeing will this entire season.  i felt very strange about steve having almost zero contact with nancy.  i felt very strange about joyce hardly ever interacting with her kids.  all of these were core relationships - the characters were BUILT on those relationships, and they don't feel real outside of them.  not seeing these characters devote time to these relationships makes it feel like i'm watching a slightly different show.

the VIOLENCE.  apparently this is a beat-em-up now???  i really felt like every other scene somebody was getting beaten to a bloody pulp.  there was SO much smashing and bashing and throwing people into walls and fistfights and head trauma like - first of all, i find that stuff pretty boring, and second of all, all of these people should be in the hospital.  

the GORE.  other people’s mileage may vary, obviously; i just didn't like that.  i looked away at the scene with the rat, and all this...goopy dissolving human shit, and the stabbings, and just...general grossness level - season 1 managed to be bloodcurdlingly terrifying without any of this stuff.

i know this borders on nitpicky, but yet more medical malfeasance - another example of someone receiving an injection via the mysterious 90 degree angle neck route, plus - was anyone else losing it at the fact that steve and robin “puked up” a drug they received……..via injection??????  IT’S NOT IN THEIR STOMACHS, FOLKS!  THEY CAN’T PUKE IT UP!  IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!

the complete lack of follow-up to last season.  the whole S3 plotline (such as it is) feels like a weird side quest.  last season seemed to be furthering the mythos and setting us up for "there are other children like el/brenner is alive" - but this season, that fact appears to have been forgotten by everyone (even el!!!) and has nothing to do with the story that we're given, which is a goofy and redundant story about russians opening a secret lab under the mall which requires us to solve the exact same problem as last season (closing the gate).

this show's inability to keep certain throughlines in its headlights/keep things visible on the periphery instead of dropping them completely and then bringing them back whenever they feel like they need it again.   i already talked about hopper’s daughter as an example of this (done well in S1 and poorly in S2 and S3).  another example is that scene with nancy and her mom - it’s such a good scene, and yet it misses out on so much resonance, because they completely dropped the plotline of karen feeling locked out of her kids’ lives and desperately wanting to connect with them.  if they had continued to reference that throughout season 2, then this scene would have been so much more powerful.   as a third example, season 3 starts with a clear context/premise, and it’s INTERESTING - the town landscape changing because of the mall, business slow to non-existent, small town discontent over big corporations moving in, hopper pressured to break up the protest against mayor kline when he should have let it proceed - and then the show just drops that entire context.  you expect season 3 to stay rooted in the "our small town is being strangled by this mall" and then to eventually deal with the revitalization of hawkins, but nah.  it's never mentioned again.

LASTLY:

i'm not really gonna get into hopper "dying," because he's, like...clearly not dead.  but the whole situation was stupid and contrived (i was so sick of that arnold schwarzenegger lookalike by the last episode, god that whole thing was so dumb) and it's even cheaper knowing that he'll obviously be back.

what i AM gonna say is that i was livid that they brought back that peter gabriel cover of "heroes" to end this season.  their use of that song in S1 blew my mind - it had me stunned with how GORGEOUS it was and just, the way it worked in that particular scene - absolutely incredible.  floored me.  gave me chills.  to recycle it at the end of such a poorly constructed season made me so mad.  yOU CAN'T MAKE ME FEEL THINGS JUST BY REUSING THIS SONG.  I REFUSE TO HAVE EMOTIONS JUST BECAUSE YOU PULL OUT THIS BEAUTIFUL TRACK THAT YOU ONCE USED TO GREAT EFFECT; YOUR STORY WAS STILL TERRIBLE THIS TIME AROUND; DO NOT TRY TO TRICK FEELINGS OUT OF US THAT HAVEN’T BEEN EARNED.  

and that's it.  i’m sure later i’ll think of other things i neglected to mention here, but...yeah.  i was not impressed.