#the guy really saw a fucked up purple zombie and was like yeah cool you got the job

[wonderful-bellies]

What about Phone Guy or Phone Dude? (People likes to call the person on the phone in FNAF 3 for "Phone Dude".)

Oh yeah!! I kinda like when Phone Guy's just like a good buddy of Mikes and Jeremys. He's definitely more responsible I think but he is still part of the dumbass gremlin party. The three of them share a braincell and Phone Guy has it 90% of the time.

As for Phone Dude, I tend to place FNAF 3 post Mike getting scooped so it's really funny to imagine him just being oblivious but well meaning and dragged along for the ride.

[always5hineee]

Before It Rings- Chapter 15: Soup Kitchen

Chapter warnings: Mild language

Word count: 1264

-----

       Everyone began to wake up before the morning light grazed the horizon. If he had to guess, Taeyong would say it was around 6:30 or 7 in the morning, judging by the coolness of the air and the still nature of the world around them. He had tried his best not to wake anyone as he maneuvered over sleeping bags, headed towards the van. Sliding the door open, he noticed that Haechan was still inside, lying curled up on one of the middle rows. He was happy that the boy was getting some rest at least.

       Finding some miscellaneous items he could use for breakfast, he tried to start the fire on his own, but the clicking began to wake the others. Surprisingly, before long, Haechan was the only one still asleep, off in his remote dreamscape in the vehicle. WinWin took the opportunity to go to the car as well, but for what, Taeyong didn't really know. Jaehyun assisted him in getting the fire going as the sun just barely peaked, giving everything a blue glow.

       The boys began sitting up and stretching, backs still not used to sleeping on solid ground. Yuta looked around for a moment, clearly trying to get eyes on Haechan. Thankfully, it only took him a few moments to stumble over- he must have been woken up by whatever WinWin had been doing in the car. He was rubbing his eyes of sleep, exhausted, but still made the effort to greet everyone.

       "What woke you?" Yuta asked, worried as he sat down beside him.

       "Huh?" Haechan asked with a yawn, not comprehending the interrogative at first. "Oh, WinWin was grabbing food." Taeyong tilted his head slightly.

       "We're about to eat." Jaehyun grumbled. "Can't he hold on just a second?" He shrugged.

       "I wasn't gonna stop him. He seemed pretty set on it."        

       "Well, someone go tell him that real breakfast is ready, if he still has room for it." Taeyong muttered, a little annoyed. Mark offered to do so, but Jungwoo wouldn't let him go without crutches. He was very worried about Mark's fragility. Finally, Doyoung got up without a word to go let him know. No one argued, so they all went back to their early morning banter- that is, until Doyoung returned alone.

       "I uh... I don't want to interrupt."

       "Interrupt?" Taeyong asked incredulously. "Interrupt what?" He was starting to get rather fed up with everyone's antics, so he rose himself to go deal with the situation. Worried about what he was planning on doing, Taeil followed, ready to be his impulse control. When they arrived at the van, though, the sight was far from anything they had expected.

       WinWin was sitting, like any normal person would, in one of the van's seats. Littered around him, though, were empty cans, bags, wrappers- any sort of packaging for any type of food imaginable, he was eating it. Things that needed to be cooked, things meant to be combined with other ingredients- if he had found a package of salt he probably would have eaten that.

       "WinWin, what are you doing?" He asked, taken aback by the scene. He didn't quite know what to think of it. The boy's head shot up as he laughed sheepishly.

       "What, can't a dude be hungry?" Taeil glanced over their leader's shoulder, murmuring,

       "Yeah, but... This is more food than any one person could eat."

       "Big stomach?"

       "Apparently..." Head jerking again, WinWin looked out the window towards the fire.

       "Did you guys make breakfast? Sweet!"

       "Wait, I-" before Taeyong could stop him, he launched himself out of the car and towards the group. As he approached, though, they looked more confused than happy to see him again. When he had left the circle, it had been dark, but now... he was basically in the daylight.        

       "WinWin, are you running a fever?" Jaehyun asked, brows tilting in concern. "Do you feel hot at all?"

       "Hot? No, not really. Why?"

       "You just look a bit... flushed." WinWin brushed it off.

       "Whatever. Can we eat?" Jungwoo couldn't stand the thought of eating now. Looking at WinWin, hist stomach dropped, leaving no room for breakfast. WinWin wasn't flushed, it was just difficult to tell in the ethereal, misty morning light. His skin wasn't the red of blood... it was a magenta, soon to be purple.

       His entire body was slowly turning into a sickeningly familiar flesh tone. Jungwoo didn't even know how to explain it. Zombies were created by bites, and in those scenarios, the flesh rotted from the bite outwards. This fade? There was no explanation for it, no reason to believe it was even possible, and yet it was also unmistakable.

       No, there was an explanation. He just didn't want to admit it. In fact, there was only one explanation. His serum had done this. Somehow, when that substance made contact with his skin and sank into the surface, it began corrupting him. Jungwoo should have seen this coming, should have stopped him. It had worked, and that joy was like nothing he had felt since this entire disaster began, but... Was it even worth it for this? WinWin's senses seemed to be intact, aside from his rabid hunger. Was it that he was suppressing the urge to eat other humans without knowing it? Was he a human brain trapped inside what was going to become a zombie body? Did he even know what was going on?

       Coughing, Jungwoo tried to catch the boy's attention as he rose from his panic. Glancing over, he managed to signal that they should break off for a minute. Turning to Taeyong, he gave a passing nod and an amendment to his previous request.

       "Hold on, gimme a second." Standing to go a few feet away with Jungwoo so as to be out of earshot of the other members, Jungwoo looked at him closely. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.

       "I..." What to say. What do you say when you've permanently fucked up your friend's body? Unless... was there a way to fix it? He could try at least- there had to be something, there had to be-

       "I already know, if that's what you're worried about." WinWin said calmly. This sent Jungwoo spiraling off his whole original plan of action. "I thought I'd be able to deal with it, just live like normal. I don't really want to kill anyone, so that's a plus." Shaking his head, he put a hand to his stomach, continuing on. "I'm just so hungry now, though. I know that it's nearly there. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep acting like a human." Tears sprang to Jungwoo's eyes as he realized how quickly WinWin had come to accept what was going to happen.

       "No! You can't say that, we haven't exhausted any options! We can run tests, I can find inverses of the chemicals we used, I-"

       "But there's no time." He said, eyes fading in and out of focus as he tried to see Jungwoo's face for a human being's rather than something he didn't want to think about. "I'm not asking you to kill me or anything... God knows I'm not strong enough for that. I need to leave, though, before you all get hurt."

       "Please..." Jungwoo said, trying not to seem weak but feeling like death. "Please don't." Sighing, WinWin just walked back past the group and towards one of the few tents. Jungwoo sighed with relief as he saw this. He just needed WinWin to stay long enough to find a cure.

Go to Chapter 16

[mydarlingvioletine]

‘Just a Puppy Crush’

Ship(s): Violet/Clementine

Media: The Walking Dead Game (Season 4)

Summary: a zombie-less modern AU in which two dorks finally get together with the help of their friends.

                        Chapter 1

It started out with an invitation Violet found on her desk. A light purple envelope, her name written on it in beautiful calligraphy.

                 Well, it started a little bit before that.

Violet missed her alarm. And six of the backup ones she had set in advance. Her mother had left early for her shift at the diner and her father didn’t come home last night, so she slept peacefully and uninterrupted.

Until she lazily stretched out with a yawn, eyes opening and landing on the alarm clock across her.

                     7:20

She hardly had time to register what it said before the alarm started angrily beeping again.

        “Holy shit… Fuck… Shit!” Violet scrambled to get up, smacking the top of the alarm clock to silence the robotic screaming. She threw her sheets to the side, grabbing her jacket off the door hook on the way out.

While vigorously brushing her teeth, she looked down at her phone.

            15 missed messages from Pain in My Ass.

[ur uber is Here… am outside]

[got your drink & bagel, where are u?]

[viiiioooooleeet]

[ v i o l e t ]

[did you put the key in a different spot?]

[coward.]

Violet scrolled through the herd impatiently, getting to the latest messages, about 15 minutes ago.

[violet please fucking get up i didnt do my english homework i need to copy off of you marlon won’t let me copy his anymore]

[fuck i have to go i cant be late to pre-session but I’ll have brody come check on you to see if you can make the late entrance with her! ill keep your breakfast with me im sure mr. everett wouldn’t give a shit if you ate in class. i do it all the time]

          As if on cue, there was a faint, nervous knock on the door. God bless Brody.

“Be right there!” Violet shouted, quickly throwing her work messily into her backpack. She grabbed a couple dollars off the kitchen table for lunch, threw on her boots, and booked it towards the door.

     "Hey,“ Brody grinned at the shaggy-haired, droopy-eyed messy Violet in front of her. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Violet grimaced, mumbling to herself as she ducked into the passenger seat of Brody’s truck. She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror, and pulled up the hoodie of her jacket to cover her shame.

         The drive felt like forever, with Brody’s insufferable choice of music. Who still listens to Coldplay? In 2019? Violet was too grateful to complain, and clenched her jaw to hold her tongue.

Brody tried to hold a conversation, but Violet was too out of it to contribute anything other than nods and the occasional “mhm.”

      “Then Marlon was mad at me! I can’t believe that guy. I swear, if he wasn’t my best friend I’d…” Brody’s voice petered out as she pulled into the school parking lot, backing into her spot next to Louis’ car.

Violet immediately jumped out, gave a quick “thankyousomuchioweyouone,” and booked it towards the front doors of the school. The front desk ladies were distracted, so Violet was able to sneak past them and make her way down to the math wing.

            106… 108… 110!

Relieved, Violet peeked through the window, seeing Marlon’s pathetic excuse for a haircut as confirmation that she was at the right place.

     She tried her best to quietly open the door as to not interrupt the class and draw attention to herself, but wasn’t surprised when the door noisily creaked open, everyone’s heads turning towards her.

Really, Ericson? Ever heard of WD 40?

Violet shyly ducked her head, placing herself between Louis and Aasim. Before she could say anything, Louis placed her coffee and bagel on her desk, a patient smile on his face.

         Violet was able to manage a “thank you” while she was scarfing down the bagel. Cheeks full and a dab of cream cheese hanging on her top lip, it’s safe to say that she did not expect Clem to approach her desk at that moment with the worksheet she’d missed.

“Hey, Vi,” Violet’s head jerked up, meeting eyes with Clementine. Embarrassed, she took a tissue and wiped her face, swallowing before she took the worksheet from Clem’s hands. “Grabbed this for you.”

        “Thanks,” Violet managed to stammer, giving a sheepish smile while pulling her pencil case out of her pocket. Clementine hadn’t moved.

Violet tensed up, waiting for Clem to make a comment on her appearance or tease her. Instead, she placed an envelope on top of the worksheet, uncertainty embedded in her actions.

         "Uh, that’s for you. I’m having a birthday party tomorrow night at my house.“ Clem pushed the envelope towards her with emphasis, and cleared her throat nervously. "You don’t have to come if you don’t want. It’s on a Friday night and I know you probably have pla-”

“No,” Violet interrupted her, her voice louder than she anticipated. She received an exhausted look from Mr. Everett. “I’ll totally be there.”

      Clementine immediately perked up, a dorky smile on her face. “Awesome. Oh, and it’s gonna be a sleepover. You don’t have to stay for that.”

Violet frowned, cocking her head and looking at Clem under a suspicious lens. “You don’t have to invite me, y'know.” She sighed, placing the envelope back into Clementine’s hands. “I get it.”

        Clem froze up, visibly upset. “No, fuck. I really want you to come. I just didn’t know if that was your kind of thing.”

Violet, unconvinced, lowered her eyes and took a sip of her coffee. Cold. The heat of Clem’s hand covering her own was a nice contrast to that.

            Wait.

“I want you there,” Clementine insisted, squeezing her hand between her own. The heat from the touch quickly flushed to Violet’s face, her pale skin unable to mask the blush that covered it. “Please come.”

     Louis and Aasim exchanged an annoyed glance at the useless sapphics. Mr. Everett had stood up and taken an interest to their conversation at this point.

“Clem, go back to your seat please,” Mr. Everett cleared his throat, to which Clem recoiled, dropping Violet’s hand. “Violet is more than capable and doesn’t need hands-on help.”

       Clem, face red and flustered, ducked her head and moved back to her seat in the front of the classroom. “Sorry, da- I mean Mr. Everett.” She squeaked, glancing over her shoulder one more time at Violet, uncertainty and sadness on her face.

Mr. Everett continued the lecture, but Violet was too busy staring out the window. She was completely zoned out. She figured she’d just get the notes from Aasim later. She saw Louis give her the occasional worried glance out of the corner of her eye, and kept her focus on the kids playing in the courtyard.

      The class couldn’t have gone any slower, but eventually the bell rang, and all the tension that had built up in Violet’s muscles was relieved.

She didn’t know why this class stressed her out so much. She was pretty good at math, only the second highest grade in the class behind Aasim. Mr. Everett made her feel uneasy.

     He wasn’t a bad guy. Quite the opposite, really. He was a fun teacher who had gone to great lengths to help Violet out with her work. A little by-the-book, but a big sweetheart.

   Plus, he picked on Louis a lot. So he was pretty likeable in her eyes.

Clementine had gone up to Mr. Everett and they were now talking, Clem dropping the classroom decorum to tug on his arm and take a $5 dollar bill out of his wallet for lunch.

        Violet didn’t realize she was staring until both of their gazes landed on her. Startled, she pulled her hoodie back over her head and started gathering her books as quick as she could. She could hear distant murmuring, but couldn’t make anything out.

Her panic was interrupted by Louis swinging an arm around Violet’s shoulders, holding an almost identical envelope up in front of her face, but it was green.

     "If it’s about transportation, I can pick you up. C'mon, the Vi I know and love would never miss out on a chance to get her ass handed to her in Super Smash Bros.“ Louis teased, earning a playful punch on the shoulder from Violet.

"Yeah, right,” Violet rolled her eyes, looking over at Aasim to see he also had one, but orange. “You going?”

       "Nah, my moms are taking me camping this weekend.“ Aasim chirped, a glint of mischievousness in his voice. Noticing the curious glances from his two friends, he cracked an evil grin and spoke one word. "Campfire.”

“Smokey the Bear, Aasim,” Violet giggled, shaggy hair falling in front of her eyes. “What can you do to prevent forest fires?”

       Louis laughed while Aasim rolled his eyes, picking up his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

Aasim was gone for what seemed like half a second when Clementine appeared at her desk again, followed by Mr. Everett. Violet froze, her grip on her books tight.

      “My dad wants to introduce himself. Not as Mr. Everett, but as ‘Cool Dad Lee.’” Clem raised her hands to make air quotes, while Le- Mr. Everett held out his hand to shake Violets’.

        Bewildered, she shook his hand.

“Hello, Violet,” Mr. Everett looked happy, glancing between Clem and she. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

      That line earned an elbow in the stomach from Clementine. Violet, still frozen, gave a robotic laugh.

“Oh, I wanted to tell you to ignore that part of the envelope where it says 'presents mandatory.’ My mom is a bit of a smart-ass.” Clem snorted, before cocking an eyebrow over at Louis. “Not you though, rich boy.”

       Louis gave her some finger guns, a big, goofy smile on his face. “Respect for that.”

The second bell rang, interrupting the conversation. Violet threw her backpack over her shoulder, and shot a glance towards Louis. “Fuck, Ms. Martin is gonna be so pissed.”

       "I’ll write you a pass. Don’t worry about it.“ Mr. Everett pulled a notepad out of his pocket and took the pen that was perched on Clementine’s ear. "Just.. try to make sure he actually gets there.” Mr. Everett gestured to Louis, who gave a mock gasp at the implication.

“Will do,” Violet promised, grabbing Louis by the neck of his coat. “I’ll uh.. see you two tomorrow night.”

      “You’re coming?” Clem squealed, her eyes giving away how happy she was. Violet nodded sheepishly, looking back at Mr. Everett before dragging Louis out of the classroom.

“I like that girl,” Lee stated, capitalizing on the blush that had taken over Clem’s cheeks. “Reminds me of someone.”

     Clementine rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, tapping her foot impatiently as he made up a pass for her. “That’s good…”

Lee tore off the front page of the notepad, and held it high before giving it to Clem. “You have my blessing.”

Clementine’s flustered state turned into a fit of anger, as she jumped up to try and grab the pass out of his hand. “Shut. Up.” Clem grabbed onto the slip, wrenching it out of his arm. “I introduce you as my Cool Dad and this is how you repay me?”

      Lee chuckled, putting the pen back behind her ear. “If you think I’m bad, just wait ‘til Carley sees her.. Oh, boy.. Her cheeks are gonna be red from all that pinching.”

Clementine huffed and stomped out of the classroom, putting all of her weight onto her prosthetic foot, so it noisily clattered. She kept up the noise until she knew she was out of ear shot, and smiled to herself, bunching the bottom of her sweatshirt up in her hands.

          Her seventeenth birthday was going to be perfect.

[bobasheebaby]

Departure- The Rise chapter 1

Pairing: Sean x F!MC (Coral Grady)

Written for @badthingshappenbingo Fandom: Choices Endless Summer  Square filled: Thwarted Escape

Word count: 2,209 Warnings: angst, dark!fic?, gore? Summary: The catalysts head home only to find everything has changed. A/N: My MC is Coral Grady and she is dating Sean. This happens after the start of the apocalypse. Thank you to both @itsstillnotwhatyouthink and @blackcatkita for proofreading for me. The dialogue and a lot of the set up comes from Endless Summer Book 2 chapters 13 & 14. This chapter is fairly mild.

Series Warnings: death, rotting flesh, gore, blood, biting, turning, blood consumption, may get NSFW. It’s zombies, it ain’t gonna be pretty! By requesting to be tagged you acknowledge you are at least 18 years old and can stomach the gore.

If you need to avoid The Rise postings, filter #choices zombie au or #the rise to ensure you won’t see my zombie fic posts.

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist. Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters, I’m simply borrowing them for a bit.

The catalysts stood staring at the portal, hearts racing with hope as they watched the swirling portal, crackling with electricity. The air hung heavy with anticipation, no more fighting, struggling to survive, they made it and found their way home. “Let’s do this together.” Coral said, turning back to face her friends. “This is it. Together, we’ve faced dangers none of us could even dream of. If you guys are by my side, there’s nothing we can’t overcome.”

“Compared to some of the things we’ve seen, a purple death vortex is a cakewalk.” Craig proclaimed.

“I’m with you Coral! All the way!” Grace replied

One by one, each of the catalysts, friends stepped forward joining Coral on the catwalk.

“So Varyyn, after we’re through, take the heart and get outta here.” Diego said, his voice breaking with emotion at the thought of having to leave Varyyn behind. “Don’t get caught, okay? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”

“You would not be able to know either way.” Varyyn replied.

“—I’d know. Somehow I’d know.” Diego answered, a tear streaking down his cheek.

Varyyn’s lip trembled, seeming to hold back his own tears. He pulled Diego into his arms embracing him, his lips meeting Diego’s one final time. “I will wait for you, Diego.”

“For a million years?”

“For eternity.” Varyyn promised. “Goodbye my friends. It was the greatest honor of my life to know you.”

“Can we please move this along? The radiation cannot be good for our health!” Aleister grumbled, irritated and anxious to return home to Hartfeld and get away from this blasted island of death, away from his father.

“You ready Princess?” Jake asked with his familiar smirk, though Coral could see the nerves he was trying to disguise.

Coral took a step towards Sean, slipping her smaller hand into his larger one. Ready or not here we go. Her heart pounded in her chest hoping they made it through before being detected.

“I know I look like a tough guy, but a moment ago, I was scared witless.” Sean said gazing down at her.

“Really?” Coral questioned gently squeezing Sean’s hand.

“Really. And somehow, the moment your hand touches mine, all of that evaporates.” He replied. “Coral? Let’s go home.”

The twelve of them encircled the portal sphere. “Everybody, together. One—” Coral said, her breath caught in her throat, they nearly made it, they were finally returning home. “two—” She squeezed Sean’s hand. “three.”

They stepped forward into the light simultaneously. They felt their bodies stretch, shrink, dissolve and reconstitute, as they transmitted across dimensions, falling through the quantum foam. They held hands tighter, refusing to let go of one another.

“Whoaaaaaa!” Shouted Raj.

“Yaaaaaaah!” Craig screamed.

“Aaaaaaaah!” Michelle shrieked.

Finally, they felt something solid underfoot. “Do you feel that?” Coral questioned, both excited and afraid to open her eyes. Home, we’re home. It worked, we actually made it.

“I think we landed somewhere.” Zahara answered.

“I still can’t see.” Diego replied.

Coral winced against the blinding light as she opened her eyes.

“We made it! We really made it!” Grace exclaimed excitedly.

Gradually the haze faded. Silence hung heavy in the air despite the sun hanging high in the sky.

They stood in the middle of the roof staring out across the buildings. The sun hung high in the sky marking the middle of the day, yet a silence filled the air.

“What? What happened?” Quinn questioned. What went wrong?

The campus stretched out in front of them, everything quiet as if everyone vanished at once, the stench of death hung in the air. Familiar buildings stretched before them. Bare trees, and cool crisp New England winter air showing how long they’d been gone. It’s winter? It was just summer. The world appearing both familiar and unfamiliar at once. The realization of how much they missed, how long they’d been gone, how much had changed settled around them heavy in the air.

“Dammit, Z! You got the coordinates wrong!” Craig exclaimed in frustration, kicking a stray rock across the roof.

“I didn’t! I wouldn’t make that dumb a mistake!” Zahara denied with the air of indignation at the accusation.

“Then where the hell are we?” Michelle asked, her voice laced with confusion and annoyance.

Coral covered her nose and mouth with her hand, trying to lessen the stench she breathed in as she drew her gaze over the familiar surrounding, eyes squinting in the midday sun. “The gate worked—” Coral said, choking on the sickly sweet smell of rotting flesh. “We’re home.”

They stared out at the campus, the silence of the normally busy square was deafening. Not a living soul in sight, they felt their hearts sink, each thinking the same thing; what happened? Where is everyone? Tension hung heavy around them as they scanned the horizon for some sign of human life or what had caused everyone to abandon the once busy campus they had all called home.

Sean silently watched the stillness, his face creased with pain. “Yea, it’s Hartfeld.” He replied, voice cracking with emotion.

“Nah, man… No way!” Raj replied incredulously.

“Yeah, last I remember there were fucking people! It wasn’t a fucking wasteland that smelled like death.” Craig angrily rebutted.

“I don’t understand. What happened?” Quinn questioned, her usually bubbly personality subdued as she tried to wrap her head around their surroundings.

“Surely this must be the distant future. It must be.” Aleister offered, refusing to believe this was their reality.

Coral slowly spun around, every corner silent, empty and oddly still. What caused this? She couldn’t think of anything that would cause a mass evacuation and leave the stench they were surrounded by.

“What the hell are we supposed to do here?” Michelle questioned the group.

This was all they wanted, to get home—but this wasn’t the home they left, the home they were trying to return to. Could they even return to La Huerta? Would that be the better option than staying?

“We have to look for survivors.” Coral replied, her stomach twisted in knots as she hoped that someone survived, that they could get answers. They can’t all be gone, right?

“Coral’s right. People could be hiding from whatever caused this.” Grace answered gesturing at the empty quad.

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Jake replied grimly.

“Well sorry if I don’t take your word for it, Jake. Come on!” Sean countered, annoyed at the pilots pessimism.

They carefully descended the building’s creaking fire escape down to street level. Belongings left behind, cars abandoned with doors left wide open. The twelve look around trying to decipher what they were seeing, trying to piece together what could have caused Hartfeld to be seemingly abandoned. What could have been so bad that everyone would simply leave?

“Okay, let's look around. But be careful, okay?” Coral suggested.

The friends carefully maneuvered the desolate street, looking around, looking for clues as to what happened. Stray leaves swirled around them in the breeze fluttering in the wind. Sean suddenly paused, breaking off from Coral, heading down the vacant street.

“Where is he going?” Michelle asked.

Coral shook her head, breaking from the group, following after Sean. She followed him into an abandoned building, mailboxes in the entryway hanging open, everything as eerily quiet as outside. She climbed the staircase up to the second floor, following his path. She paused when she saw him standing in the open doorway, staring into the empty apartment. “Sean? What are we doing here?” She asked stepping closer, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“This is my mom’s place. Was. Was my mom’s place.” Sean replied with a shake of his head. I should have been here for her.

“Oh… Sean.” Coral answered softly.

“After we finally managed to get away from my dad, she wanted to stay close to me. I wanted her close.” Sean said stepping further into the living room looking around sadly. “She got this apartment when I was a freshman. Closest building to Hartfeld stadium.” He walked up to a cracked photo frame, hanging askew on the wall. He picked it up, looking at it sadly. A photograph of a young Sean, beaming after winning a peewee football game stared up at him. Hugging him are a proud mother and father. “I always hated that she kept this photo up. She still loved him after everything. After everything that bastard did to us, she still loved him.” Sean whispered sadly. “At least…she loved the old him. But that man was dead.” Sean slumped down clutching the frame. He blinked, welling tears forced out.

Coral sat next to him, grasping his hand in hers. “I wasn’t here, Coral. I told her I’d always protect her, and I wasn’t here—”

“It’s not your fault, Sean.” Coral replied leaning her head against his shoulder and squeezing his hand.

“That’s all I was ever good at, you know? Taking punishment so someone I care about doesn’t have to.” Sean said sadly. “And for my mom, for the person that mattered most… I couldn’t even do that.” His head dropped in shame. I shouldn’t have left, maybe I could have saved her.

“Sean, we’ll fix this.” Coral replied, voice strong and sure. She had to fix this, for everyone, for Sean. They had no choice but to find out what happened and fix it.

“You say that with such certainty… I don’t know how you do it.” Sean said looking up at her, letting out a laugh. “Only you could make me look at the end of the world and think ‘Yeah, this is fixable.’” He sighed shaking his head. “It seems completely nuts. But I look at you… and I believe it.”

“I believe in us.” Coral replied, standing up, offering Sean her hand. “Come on Heisman. The world needs saving.”

Sean took Coral’s hand following her out to their friends. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Raj falling apart in front of them. Nothing gets to Raj.

Raj paced, his hands thrown up in the air, as he ranted to himself. “This can’t be happening. It can’t be happening. It’s a nightmare. I can’t deal with this. I can’t!”

“Uh, Coral? I think we finally broke Raj.” Zahara stated gesturing to their fun loving friend mid panic.

Coral walked over to Raj. He ran his hands forcefully through his hair, eyes wide and almost wild. Coral wrapped him into her arms. He suddenly stopped moving, freezing as her arms came around him. “I— I—” He stuttered, unable to complete his thought.

“We’re here, Raj. We’re here with you.” Coral stated reassuringly.

“Okay. I’m okay. I’m good now. Thanks, Coral.” Raj replied exhaling. He wrapped his arms around Coral, returning the hug. “You’re a pretty good hugger by the way.”

“You too big guy.” Coral answered, breaking from the hug with a final pat on her friends back.

The twelve turned, heading back to the dorms when Diego froze, squinting his eyes trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

“So. This might sound weird, but—” Diego trailed off, his eyes wide with shock and uncertainty.

They turned, their eyes following Diego’s gaze.

“Is that people?” Jake asked.

“They aren’t people, they’re zombies.” Zahara replied, eyes wide in amazement.

“Zombies? Real live zombies? Cool!” Craig exclaimed.

“Craig, think. Zombies eat people, and we are the only people around.” Zahara replied slugging Craig in the arm as to knock sense into him.

“Oh, yea that’s bad.” Craig replied.

“Run!” Estela shouted.

“Hurry! Back to the rooftop! Go! Hopefully they can’t climb!” Coral declared.

The zombies grew closer, the quiet, the stench, the fact everything was abandoned now making more sense. They sprinted as fast as they could, reaching the fire escape, scrambling up to the roof. Back we have to go back!

“The Gate! It’s gone!” Quinn shrieked her voice high with panic.

“How the hell do we get it back open?!” Zahara demanded.

“I—I don’t know!” Grace replied sullenly.

“Oh no—” Aleister exclaimed, eyes growing wide as their brief head start was coming to an end.

They saw the zombies moving in closer still. The horde seeming to grow the closer they got to the building.

“Varyyn! He must’ve taken the Island’s Heart out of the machine and is on his way back to Elyys’tel!” Diego answered.

“So we’re totally screwed then. Great!” Michelle shouted.

Coral thought back to the times her mind linked with Varyyn. She closed her eyes and searched for him in her consciousness. She searched, pleading, praying he could hear her and feel their desperation. She tried, over and over, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping to finally find him. But she can’t find him, seconds ticked by and all she found was empty space. We must be too far. She slowly opened her eyes, the realization settling in on them one by one, they were stuck. How could we have been safer on an island that tried to kill us than home? She looked around her friends bewildered faces, every face etched with the same fear and worry. How do we get back now? Can we survive long enough to get back? Could whatever had changed be reversed, or was this simply the beginning of the end?

Feedback fuels me, please like, comment reblog or send an ask. Feel free to scream, I promise I can take it. 

Masterlist can be found in my bio.

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[meny-sempai]

MO DAO ZU SHI IS A MASTERPIECE – part 01

OH MY GOD EP 15! That was so… UGH. I have so much to say, yet I’m speechless at the same time! Aaaaa! Ok, that’s it! It’s time!

The first season is over and I can finally talk about my experience with the piece of art that is Mo Dao Zu Shi. Yes, it is a piece of art and I will prove it to you in this short series of my thoughts about the show.

I just have to say – I’m not a native English speaker so bear with the mistakes I’m bound to make. I did read the novel, but only as far as the Exiled Rebels Scanlations translated it (thank you Rebels, you’re gods). I started reading the novel after the first airing of the third episode, so at the very beginning of MDZS mania – I went in blind and… it was FUNNY. I’ll talk more about that down below. And yes, I know a lot of spoilers, but I can’t say I know the whole story – If I start theorizing be aware that I’m just theorizing, I’m not actually telling the plot, but, just to be sure: SPOILERS ahead, I will use the facts I know for my analysis.

For the first two episodes I’m going to tell you my blind reactions and compare them with my impressions after finishing the season. My misinterpretations are hilarious and I admit I was really dumb. Enjoy my stupidity.

The rest of the episodes will have my impressions and analysis that I now have after finishing the show. There will be a few of these kind of posts on my profile because I can’t fit everything I have to say in just one. I don’t actually do analysis of shows here, because this is my personal art blog, but I sometimes make exceptions. As an animation student I just had to talk about Mo Dao Zu Shi. I want more people to see it. I want people to know that it is much more than BL.

So… Here we go!

INTRODUCTION – or, who the hell even asked for my opinion?

I’ve been a fan of anime/manga since I was 13, which was 12 years ago (I’m old, I know). Sure, I’ve watched Digimon, Pokemon, Bayblade and all that jazz when I was even younger, but that doesn’t count, because I had no clue about the concept of anime.

I’ve seen a lot of shit, I’m quite open to a lot of shit and if I’m in the right mood I can take a lot of shit, but I still regard myself as someone who has a good taste. The older I get the less time I have to take a chance at something I wouldn’t normally watch. Even if there is something I’d watch I usually end up not having time for it. Since I started studying and doing animation myself, my criteria for the quality skyrocketed. I long gave up on the three episode rule. One episode is enough to see potential if there is potential (some shows can still trick me – I’m looking at you Sirius the Jaeger).

Ok, ok, I’m not bashing on Sirius the Jaeger. I’m just saying the show had a lot of potential and threw it out of the window. If there was no Mikhail and Yuliy dynamics… Scratch that – if there was no Mikhail in the show, the story would have been completely empty. At least for me.

Since we’re talking about other shows, I’ll use this opportunity to declare Mo Dao Zu Shi as the animation of the year. Sure, the year’s still not over, sure I only watched Cells at Work, Free! Dive in to the Future, Sirius the Jaeger and BANANA FISH, but I still believe in what I say.

Sorry Cells, you’re cute, you make me care more about my body, you make me have weird feelings about Cancer (WTF). I wish I can show you to all the school kids in my country, but you’re not the best this time. Please, give me another season, thank you. Love the manga. Guys, please watch this anime!

Sorry Free, you… Pfff… Ok, yeah, FREE, I love you dude, thank you for all the sexy muscles and almost BL drama (and some actual deep moments). Thank you for all the Rin, we can never have enough of Rin. And thank you for Kisumi and Asahi – didn’t know I needed that. Thank you, but… yeah, know your place (hint: it’s right here in my arms).

Sorry Sirius, I wish you had more episodes to explore the story and the characters. Liked the OP and the animation.

Sorry BANANA FISH, oh god, I really am. Before MDZS I lived for you BF, I lived for you! I was an old fan of the manga and I was so hyped. I can’t say I’m dissatisfied with the anime adaptation. I liked a lot of things they did, the way they adapted stuff, added and changed stuff, but it was just too much plot for 13 episodes and the effects of it became clearer and worse while the anime progressed. I have no idea how MAPPA will handle the second season. My fingers are crossed. Guys, watch this anime. Even with all the flaws it’s worth your time. 

And yes, I watched Voltron and The Dragon Prince. This will be a really long post if I start on those, so I won’t.

So… YES. Mo Dao Zu Shi came out of nowhere for me and took the crown. Wow… where to start…?

How did I find this show…? Actually, how did this show find me? Well… It was my beta reader, I think. After 13 years of being a silent fan of Asian comics and animation, I decided to finally write a fanfiction. Surprisingly, it was for the small fandom of the Korean comic Noblesse (nobody cares, carry on). I don’t know why, but my beta told me about this new BL “anime”. When I realized it was Chinese I rolled my eyes. I’m an asshole, I know, but I just never liked anything I saw from the Chinese (I haven’t seen much, but what I saw was poorly animated/was in 3D and I’m not a huge fan of 3D). I also never liked the voice acting… Ok. OK, I admit! I never liked the language, ok? Shoot me!

Then… Everything changed when the Wen clan attacked.

Anyway… I was bored, I was lazy and didn’t want to do work for my university, so I said: “What the heck! Hit me with some Chinese BL.” I clicked on the first episode not even bothering to read the summary. Man… My expectations were the low of the lowest.

EPISODE 01 – or, what the fuck did I just watch and is there more of it?

Oh shit… I’m terrible at names, especially Chinese names! Am I supposed to remember all this, is this important? The clans, the wars, the titles? This is BL, right? Should I take out my note book? Fuck, pause it. Ok… Ok… I get it? Let’s just continue.

(When I look at it now it was pretty clear. I really am dumb. To be fair, you need time to get used to how they use names. And for someone who never watched Chinese animation seriously and doesn’t know anything about the culture it really was a lot of new information. But don’t let that stop you from watching it!)

Ughhhhh…. 3D… damn it. And it was going so well. Ugh, just look at those wings flapping! Are the wings broken? What the hell! Why do they do this?

(Lol, I was so triggered. XD The bird is actually fine. I like how the scene transitioned from the pupil of a scared man to the pupil of the crow. As if they were watching each other in the eye, only adding to the creepiness. The lighting is also great. Everything is dark and gloomy, fitting the “horror” atmosphere really well, yet at the same time the dark scenes are vivid and clear. It’s hard to make the misty night look clear and colorful. The flying is a bit iffy, but it doesn’t really matter because the effect of hundred birds covering the sky is strong and meaningful.)

Holly shit! This is amazing! Pause it! No, go back, I wanna see this again. Oh my god, that flute! The music is awesome, I’m having goosebumps. Ooohh, love the music, I never heard something like this. Oh, this dude is so cool. Red eyes and zombies and… What is this show about again? Zombie BL? Really? It’s not really zombies, right? Please don’t be about zombies, I hate zombies.

(Honestly, this scene is stunning. A really effective way to reveal a character. Especially a character that we are not sure whether he is good or bad. The most amazing thing for me about this is how they used music. It isn’t just the background music to accompany the atmosphere. It isn’t there just to tell something about the character and make him stand out (it’s not a character theme). The flute is not alone here, there are many themes working with it. Together they are not there to tell us “this is a scary action scene” so feel this, or “this is a sad scene”, or a “funny scene”. No. The music here is its own art piece. It’s actually there to tell us in its own language the story that we are seeing on screen. I don’t know how to explain it. For me, the way the music changed was perfectly synchronized with the way people were saying words, the way Wei Wuxian moved his head, the way the corpses stood up to attack. If I close my eyes I can see the scene by only listening to the music. This is something that regularly happens in this show. I don’t know how they do it, but I applaud to it. I can’t remember the last time the music left such an impact on me in the animation series. And this is just the first episode and the first scene. We have no idea who these people are. We are not expected to feel emotional for them. But I felt the connection. I felt like I was there and the corpses were about to get me.)

Ugh! 3D, you’re killing me! And it was such a cool intro! Ok, calm down, what are they saying? So… That’s the guy with the flute, right? No, it was Wei, but Wei Something else. No, wait, it has to be him. Go back. Yeah, it is him. What the hell is a courtesy name? Ok, never mind, try to remember.

Oh no…! More exposition, more names and clans! My brain is melting! Cool smoke/ink animation, though. Hmm, purple ring. Nice. That’s important, right? Oh! The amulet thing! Remember that. That’s gonna bite us in the ass later, ain’t it? Alright, so “Wei something” died. Killed by… shidi? So… the younger clan member? So…? This Wei also had his own clan? Am I getting this right? I’m probably not getting this right. Ugh, just watch the damn episode, quit pausing every goddamn second! It’ll explain itself.  

I like the OP! The similar smoke/ink animation and… Wow, ok, there are too many handsome guys here. I’ll have to focus. The music is catchy. I like the singer’s voice. Cool!

(I’m now quite fond of the 3D in here. The tortoise and everything. XD Also, in my defense - they have three names, like, come on. I didn’t see that coming. I don’t even have a middle name. Although, I do think having three ways to be addressed is pretty interesting. You can tell and convey a lot by just picking a name the character uses in his speech.

Fun fact no1. – at the time I couldn’t even recognition the names when they would speak. All of the words sounded the same to me, which was so unusual. I can now recognize a lot of words and phrases. And, I think… Well, you’ll see what I now think about Chinese and VAs. I’m just gonna say this: I’d like to learn Chinese just so that I can write a love letter to Guo Haoran.

Fun fact no2. – It took me 6 episodes to actually pay attention to the lyrics of the OP and ED and to realize that they are representing Wei Wuxian and Lan WangJi. That’s a really beautiful touch, very smart. And it brings so much meaning to the table when the ED changes. I don’t think I ever saw OP and ED used in this particular way.)

Well, this is getting really dark and interesting. This Wei may be a refreshing MC. Probably a good guy at heart, but shady as fuck and ready to kill. I do have another name to worry about, but Mo is easy to remember (“Don’t close mountain” – if you know what I mean :P). I wonder if Mo is important to the plot. I see potential for some twists here. 

2D animation is looking good so far. I like how they made us look from the protagonist’s POV. Really refreshing directing… hmm… Still not buying the Chinese, but Wei has a nice voice. The music is still great.

Bahahahaha! Scratch that, Wei is an idiot! Good to know that liquor is your priority, Wei! XD Omg the donkey, too, look at that face, look at the eyelashes!

The fuck is this shit? Are those people flying? While standing? Are they standing on something? What the hell? XD Man, that sky is nice. Oh! Oh, oh, wait, those guys! Those were the shadows I saw a scene earlier. Mmm… Attention to detail. Nice. Looks like I’ll have to pay close attention to every scene. Been a long time I had to focus so hard on an “anime”.

(10 minutes and I was already very intrigued. I didn’t know shit, but I was in. With all the pausing I probably spent 50 minutes on this episode, but it felt like barely 20 minutes had passed. At the beginning I paused a lot because I was too slow to read the subtitles (no, I don’t watch dubs, I’m just too used to Japanese and their culture references that reading subs is child’s play, but this was new territory for me). I also paused a lot because I felt I’ve missed something, or because I was surprised at how some scenes looked. 

I don’t pause that often now. Mo Dao Zu Shi trained me to see and hunt for detail. As I said, it’s been a long time since I had the need to carefully look at the backgrounds and pay attention to all of the characters’ expressions. Mo Dao Zu Shi tells a lot in silence and in small details. It awards you if you take time to look at the scenery. When I find something that I’d usually miss, I don’t necessarily feel smarter, but I feel the show is treating me as someone smart. MDZS respects its audience. It makes them think and remember. Which makes this show 100% re-watchable. I watched all the episodes 3 times. Some I watched even more – like episode 11. And I always have a new experience. I love coming back to it. Even when I work I play the episodes and listen to them. It’s interesting. Try it. Try just to listen to the audio. It has rare quality to it. The sounds and music are used wisely and a piece of music always has a legit reason why it’s played.)

Ok, this run is too slow. I get that he’s fat, but still, the foot exchange doesn’t fit with the distance he’s making. Also, the flying guys are not flying anymore. I got more info. And MORE NAMES. Kill me now. The info is interesting, though. Cultivators are Chinese exorcist, right? I really should have read the summery.

(I still think the running was not convincing. There are moments such as these in the show, but honestly, MDZS has fascinating animation and it only gets better in the later episodes (I’m not even gonna start with ep 11 – ep 11 will get its own post). The animators know what they are doing and the director knows how to make a scene work at full capacity.

Fun Fact no3. – D.Gray-man destroyed me. I now only know how to say “exorcist” the Japanese way.

MDZS also has a way of making seemingly stupid stuff look and be cool. Surfing on swords sounds pretty dumb, but when you actually see it and have it explained to you, when it has plot significance it becomes a fresh idea. I want to have my own sword to surf on!)

Well, hello… Lan… Jingyi ~ (How do you read this? O.O) Mmm… I’m digging the art style. Cute boys~

Also, Wei, you’re a fucking genius! XD The Oscar goes to you, my dude.

(… I still think Wei Wuxian is a fucking genius. I’m not gonna talk a lot about him right now, but I just gotta say that he is such a classic MC, yet at the same time he is so original. He’s just one of the proofs how great the writing this series has.

Speaking of writing – this show has some of the best dialog I’ve ever seen. Not only because of what is being said, but also because of the VAs, directing, music and animation. Dialog often has more than one meaning and always serves to deepen the characters and their relationships. I love how they use animation to show how the characters are truly feeling while saying something and what they actually mean when they say it. Everything they say has a reason and it makes you pay attention to other’s reaction to what is being said. I love how the character can say the same thing in so many different ways and that this is used to show his development and growth. I’m also amazed at how simple “hmm-s” and “mmm-s” mean so much in this show. 

I’m not saying character animation and rich expressiveness is something new, but it is rare and this show is really good at it. For example, quite a few characters laugh or cry but they all do it differently. They raise their eyebrows differently, they’re surprised and scared differently etc. This all sounds as a no-brainer, but it’s not so common. It’s difficult to pull off and I’m not saying MDZS is perfect, but it’s close.)

(Please… You think you can take down someone who spent his whole life perfecting the art of climbing up trees? Pff! You’re not Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan.)

(He looks so comfortable among corpses. It’s funny, yet so sad. These are all great hints for the mind-set of a character that you’ll miss at first watching, but you won’t forget about it. And when the memory clicks – it makes a loud click. Not a second is wasted in this show. Everything has a point. I’ll elaborate more on that with some examples in other posts.)

Bahahaha! I feel you bro! XD

But I feel you too. I mean, I don’t care about you, wench, don’t get me wrong, but it’s kinda sad. I’m liking these zombies. They’re my way of creepy and there’s potential for a deeper plot for them if it’s true that their personalities are still there somewhere. This just adds to the debate whether Wei is good or bad. The grey area… I love the grey the most. All 50 shades of it. And I’m enjoying the mystery vibe of this episode. Was there a mystery tag on this “anime”? Also, the fight scenes are not bad. And it’s cool how they all hate Wei but use his technics and knowledge. Realistic. Cool.

Oh my god! The colors! Whaaat? What the hell, look at that hair animation! And the music from that… string thingy- instrument – so cool. Ooohh, wait, this is the white dude, THE dude. Here comes the BL!

Ooohhh, I see what you did there. Kudos for you, director! Similarities and contrasts. Nice. And it’s over, I can’t believe it’s over! How can you cliff hang like that?! There’s a second episode, right? Mm, the ED is so pure. There IS a second episode! Well, while I’m here, don’t mind if I do!

EPISODE 2 – or, how I got everything wrong!

I bet he’s thinking: “The fuck is with this aim? The little shit almost killed me! I’m annoyed and amazed! Better play a fool and run for it.” But, seriously, that aim! Wei actually paused (love the little wobble effect on the arrow). And I have another name to remember! Ugh! And another color! Are they color coded? That could be helpful. Also, look at that tree. Wow… They’re blending the 3D backgrounds quite well with the 2D.

And Mo is important to the plot! Nice! So he has connections with the Yellow clan. The plot thickens.

I just gotta say – all of them have interesting designs. I wonder if every cultivator has his own sword. Bleach style or something. On the other hand, animators must be pulling out their hair because of all the details. XD

Cool little battle. Great camera work. They showed the difference between a student cultivator and an experienced one in an entertaining way. That soul summoning was nice too.

(This fight served as a nice show of power difference. It adds a lot to the future episodes where all of the main cast are students and have to face various trials. It gives us a hint at how powerful the clan leaders must be, it gives us a new perspective on the war and its casualties. We now get why many cultivators died so “easy”. It also hints at how talented students are different from the average which is an important detail in the plot. This little “unimportant” fight grounds it all and makes the levels in the clan system believable and palpable.)

This is really clever. Kudos for the reflection. Wei, haven’t you ever watched an anime? It’s clear the kid doesn’t have a mom. He probably doesn’t even have a dad.

(Ok… prepare for a full on fangirl attack.)

… My ears are tingling.

… This voice… Oh my ears, please calm down, something big is happening right now. Wait… Oh wow, he knows him! Look at the face he’s making, oh shit! And this new guy…! We haven’t even seen his face and he’s making threats! Hmm… Can’t say I don’t like that. Yeah, I like that… He’s gonna be the villain, isn’t he? I always like the villains and they always have the best voices. Well… if he’s a villain, let’s hope he’s hot-

Oh, wow, this is really good. The way the light appears, and that little shine of the… bell? Purple… Purple? The purple ring? Is this connected? Well, anyway, he has a pretty dramatic reveal and nice music – yep, he’s the bad guy. Let me see your face-

Wei… why are you so scared? They sure take their sweet time in revealing this guy. This may be more important than I thought. Don’t miss anything!

(Are you prepared?)

HOLLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD WHAAATT??? Was he this beautiful in the OP? Whaaaatt? AAAAHHHHHH!!!! SCREENSHOT! WALLPAPER! GO BACK, REPEAT THE SCENE! YOU! YOU, MY BOY, HAVE ENTERED MY HAREM. Oh what a day to be alive! Mmmm, ok, calm down, we’ll draw him later, let’s try to focus. Jiang Cheng. Ok, it’s a more common name, I’ll remember him. Heh. Like I could forget this boy. Oh, no, not a boy, a MAN. This is a man. Uhuhuhu~

(Aaaand my mind was a bit hazy for the rest of the episode – you will see the results.

Fun fact no4. – Immediately after this episode I looked up MDZS on Tumblr and realized that the fandom is calling Jiang Cheng JC. Still under the effects of what I just saw I thought calling him God was quite appropriate.)

NICE PROFILE!!! Is he going to be the other love interest for the MC? Are we gonna see the cliché love triangle? If it’s with this dude, maybe it won’t be so bad~ Ok, seriously, watch the show!

Ok, the magic light here is a nice touch. This Jiang Cheng is a bit cold even to his nephew. He doesn’t recognize Wei, but that’s expected. Wei is strongly reacting to him. What’s the connection? Judging by the music – it’s sad? I expected something more, I don’t know, menacing? Evil? But it’s just sad. Maybe he’s not a villain. That… that could open so many doors… TO MY KOKORO.

“Feed your dogs.” Ouch, that’s dark. Someone really hates the “demon” cultivators.  

“Could this boy be…?” What? What is he? Want’s the connection? Should I know, did I miss something?

The white dude and my purple man clash! Holly, Jiang Chang sounds pissed (passive aggressive enough?), while White poster boy here doesn’t give a damn! XD Ahahaha! Could Jiang Cheng be the Chinese tsundere? No, no, no, let’s not call such a man a tsundere. It’s too early.

Oh, Uncle is the leader of the sect. Nice. How old is the Uncle? Is he married?

This obvious metaphor of concealing the light is distracting me from fangirling. It’s interesting how it connects with the Jiang Cheng reveal. I feel that… shit is about to go down.

I was right! He’s the ring! What does the ring represent? And he’s doing what I always do! I play with my ring like that all the time! Nice.

SCREENSHOT! Oh, but he’s pissed. Oh, but I love the way he looks at me~ I feel all mushy.

Ha! Interesting. He’s smart, he has some self-control. Refreshing. But don’t turn your anger at your nephew, please. Also, it seems like the white dude and the Uncle have some history. Hmm…

I thought so. The white dude was the one who killed Wei. The tragic love. I can already see it.

(Yep. I thought Lan WangJi was the Shidi who “killed” Wei Wuxian. You are allowed to face palm.)

Oh no… I know where this is going. And the music…

Oh man… It’s the second episode and I’m already having the feels. What happened, Wei?! I refuse to believe you’re a bad guy!

But, I get Wei’s reaction to Jiang Cheng now.

(I don’t know how it happened, but I was thinking… What if she was killed by Jin Zixuan’s sword? We know Wei Wuxian stopped using his. From this shot we know he wasn’t the one who stabbed her, so was it Wen Ning? It’s obvious he was involved in the tragedy. As far as I know SPOILERS Wen Ning killed Jin Zixuan. If the killer sword is the one we know – if it’s Jin Zixuan’s then Wei’s reflection in this episode has a deeper meaning.)

Bahahaha I feel you, honor student. I like the kids.

(Honestly, they balance the humor and the serious stuff masterfully.)

I died.

This is giving me Gantz PTSD. That shit gave me nightmares. Nephew is really bold.

(I believe Jin Ling has some of his Uncle Wei’s recklessness and hero complex, but he also wants to prove himself just like his other two Uncles. I’ll talk more about them in another post.)

Uuhh, Wei is playing the flute! Risky, I like it.

(Ok, people. Be prepared for the ultimate face palm.)

Oh my god! Don’t tell me he summoned his own body! This resembles the scene from the narration… and he’s wearing black!

I’m right! Nephew wants revenge! Great shot by the way. You can feel the rage in the movement.

(You face palmed yet?)

I really love the way they use the flute! It depicts the flow of the camera so well!

… Wen… Wen what? Wen Ning? Who’s Wen Ning? What? Wait, are they talking about the corpse? What’s going on??? O_O Who’s Wen Ning?! Did I miss something? What’s the full name of the MC again? Ugh… This is so tiring… Ok, never mind, enjoy the beautiful flute song.

Busted!

I swear to god, this guy is illegal!

Oh, boy he figured it out too and he’s… sadistically happy? Eh… But, I get it. If he believes that Wei killed his sister, I get it. And her husband? Did he “kill” the dad, too?

I can’t believe he has a whip AND a braid? And he’s purple??? Did someone look into my diary? Is it Christmas yet? XD Am I dead?

Did he just smile? Am I imagining things? XD I can’t figure him out!

Please! Don’t lie, white dude! “He’s path is uncommon”, yeah right, we all know what you want.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I’VE SEEN AND HEARD IN MY LIFE.

(This would have annoyed anyone no matter who said it, but because it was Wei Wuxian, I think it was even more annoying in Jiang Cheng’s head. Wei Wuxian knows him too well. It’s even funnier when you know that JC is blacklisted. XD He’s no good even to the lunatic.)

And at this exact moment Wei knew he fucked up. XD This is golden. 

... Please DON’T turn into rape BL.

(It so DID NOT.)

Oh Wei, you’re no match for this guy! :D

Hmm, looks like we’re going back in time. I love me some juicy flashbacks. Can’t wait to see more.

... I can’t believe I actually like this zombie BL. I just hope they don’t fuck up the animation later on.

(And the rest is history. As you can see - I’m obsessed.)

-----

That’s all for today! Next posts will have more character, story and art analysis. Hope you liked this and please forgive me for making this so long. See you! 

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

PROM IN BLACK

"This is ridiculous," Des said.

Shadow stared at her thoughtfully for a minute before agreeing. "You're right. The train is far too long, you'll be tripping over yourself all night. Sutsam!"

Sutsam came forth from where he had been lurking in the corner, bobbing and scraping. Shadow pointed to the foot of Des' dress, and the ghostly tailor set to it with needle and thread, performing some sartorial sleight of hand that managed to vanish half a foot of cloth. Des sighed.

"Not that," she said. "Though that is better. I mean... this whole thing."

Shadow frowned. "What, the dress? We've spent a good amount of time designing it, but I supposed Sutsam could probably whip something up --"

"No," Des interrupted, to Sutsam's visible relief. "I mean, holding this... prom, just for the three of us. I know it's all the rage in the Realm, but... we're hardly Dynasts." She laughed sadly. "If we're counting by blood, I suppose I am technically royalty, but still."

Shadow's softened, then hardened. "Don't think of that," he admonished. "This isn't about showing off or performing social maneuvers. This is just... fun."

"Fun," Des repeated. "With all due respect, Shadow, you're hardly an expert. I don't think you've ever had fun in your life."

Shadow raised an eyebrow. "For your information," he said drily, "I once had a riveting conversation with the former Magnus about the nature of Essence. I was positively lightheaded." He kept a straight face, but Des laughed until Sutsam pleaded for her to stay still. "But seriously," Shadow said, and she subsided. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but... you three are young. Even Star. You all deserve the joys of young adulthood, its attendant rites and ceremonies. Not... not to have to hide your face and wrestle with darkness." Shadow's face was averted as he spoke, watching Sutsam's work, but Des detected a quiver in his voice.

"Like you did?" she asked softly. "What was your prom like?"

Shadow had Awareness 3, so there was no excuse for him not to have heard, but he acted as if Des hadn't spoken. He stepped back and surveyed Sutsam's handiwork. "Perfect," he said. "The boys will never know what hit them."

+++

"This is ridiculous," Seal growled. He rotated his arm as if feeling his shoulder. "I can barely fucking move in this. First punch and I'm gonna dislocate my fucking shoulder, or maybe just rip the damn thing in half."

"You're not gonna get in a fucking fight," Leo said through gritted teeth. He was helping the boy struggle into his tuxedo, a black-and-white getup that made Seal look like a clown. As far as Seal could see himself in the tiny bathroom's mirror, anyways. And it was too fucking tight.

"You're one to fucking talk," Seal retorted. "Didn't you fuck a guy up at the last party you went to?"

"Hey," Leo snapped, rising to his feet and staring Seal in the eyes. "That's out of fucking line."

A heated glare passed between them for a few seconds before Seal broke it off and rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Sorry," he muttered.

Leo closed his eyes and breathed deeply, visibly composing himself. "It's alright," he said as he moved back around Seal to adjust the collar. "I deserved that one."

"Any advice?" Seal asked. "Besides 'do what I say, not what I do'?"

"Well, for starters," Leo said, "don't get smashed and punch the worst guy in the world." He met Seal's eyes in the mirror and they chuckled. "For real though, you don't have to worry about any of that tonight. No paparazzi, no drama, no mess. Just some kids having fun."

"I'm not a fucking kid," Seal growled, quieter this time.

"Yeah, you are," Leo said. "Oughta be hanging out at the schoolyard, menacing all the sorcery nerds or whatever."

"I'm eighteen," Seal countered. "What were you fucking doing at eighteen?" Leo was silent, so Seal pressed his advantage. "You weren't going to fancy fucking parties in full dress," he accused. "Why the fuck should I?"

Only after he said it, at usual, did Seal feel bad. He saw Leo's lips pressed together in a thin line, his eyes in some distant place. After a while, Leo looked back down at Seal's collar. "We're not talking about my life," he said roughly. "We're not even talking about yours. We're talking about what life is supposed to be like. Kids are supposed to have fun, not -- wrestle hellboars or be soldiers or what the fuck ever. It's fucked up that I didn't get to, and it's fucked up that you don't get to."

Seal felt his eyes heat up. Motherfucker. He pressed the back of his hand to his eyes angrily.

A hand pressed itself to his shoulder. "Hey," Leo said quietly. "Listen. I know your whole deal is shitty, and everything feels like it's gonna be fucked up forever, but... you should at least know what a normal life feels like. So, someday, you can start working your way back towards that."

Seal blinked rapidly, wiping a little blood away from his eyes. "I still look like a fucking idiot," he muttered, but without heat.

Leo chuckled. "A little, maybe," he admitted. "But it can't be worse than Star."

+++

"Thisch isch fucking ridiculousch," Star said.

Pho frowned around the bobby pin in his teeth. "Hold ftill," he said. "Allllmoft got it."

Star looked up at the ceiling of the kitchen. Various stains overlapped across the tiles, some more threatening than others. He considered using his new Investigation Charms on them, but decided against it -- he didn't really want to know what Harv got up to in here. At his neck level, Pho was fiddling with a bowtie, the most ridiculous garment in the universe.

"Thish kinda schit never happened in Shkullschtone," Star complained. "Not that there'sh that much fanschy partiesh there. But I got to juscht wear my polische uniform whenever that happened. It wasch cool," he preened for a second.

"Not my ecfpertife eifer," Pho agreed. "There. Got it." He stood back and took the bobby pin out of his mouth. "Now let's get that hair."

"My hair isch fine," Star said defensively, backing away. "It'sch purple and fluffy. No problemsch here." Pho considered him for a moment, then shrugged and put the bobby pin away somewhere in his armor. "What did you wear to your fanschy partiesh?" Star asked.

Pho shrugged again. "Never really had any," he said. "Lived on the road, mostly. Bounty hunter work with my ma. Circus stuff before that. I guess a circus is kinda like a party," he allowed.

"Whatever happened to your ma?" Star asked.

Pho frowned. "She died, and then the Mask turned her into chains for me. He was kind of a bastard," he said. Star stared awkwardly at the top of Pho's head. "Then I got out and turned her into an axe, and we kicked Mask's ass. Then the Sun set her free. It's a long story."

Star coughed. "Yeah," he said. "That'sch, uh.... that'sh rough, buddy."

Pho gestured vaguely. "Old news," he said. "Tonight is for all you kids, not old fogeys like me."

Star couldn't help bristling a little. "I'm not exshactly a kid," he said. "I'm twenty-one. I can drink in Shkullshtone."

Pho raised an eyebrow, a perfect imitation of Shadow's expression. "Well, you won't tonight," he said. "No alcohol at prom. It's the rules. Besides, you can't exactly say you had a great childhood either."

Star leapt to Skullstone's defense. "It'sh pretty good, actually," he said. "Free schchooling and shtuff, a plasche to live, food to eat. Lotsch of plashesh have lessh. And a job I'm pretty good at, if I do shay sho myshelf."

"And how much of that childhood did you spend playing?" Phoenix countered. "Getting drunk and doing dumb shit with your friends? From what I hear of Onyx, that shit doesn't exactly fly." Star was silent. "Listen," Phoenix sighed, "I'm not criticizing the Prince or whatever. I'm just saying, live a little. Uh. Pun not intended."

Star sighed and ran a hand through his hair, which was indeed purple and fluffy. "Schure," he said. "Guessh I'm not exshactly gonna turn down free food."

+++

There was food. There was mood lighting. And there was music.

The Sanctuary had been transformed into a dance hall worthy of the shittiest teen dances. It was dark, and colored lights strafed across the walls (cast from will-o-wisps Shadow had captured himself). The table that usually held coffee and donuts was now laden with various cookies, cupcakes, and at one end was an enormous punch bowl filled with blood punch (Hours' secret recipe, which amounted to "punch someone until you can take their blood"). All the couches and chairs were cleared away to make an open space for dancing.

Where the TV cabinet usually stood, there was instead a podium where Harv was directing a spectral quartet; the ghostly organist bent over a keyboard while the singer moaned about a burning mercy seat. Harv himself was wearing what appeared to be suspenders cut from tuxedo-grade silk, in black and white, with a bowtie at his neck. And on the dance floor, several zombies were shuffling around aimlessly, hands held out in a vague attempt at dancing.

Simultaneously, the doors to the bathroom and kitchen opened, and two of the Shitheads shuffled out.

Pho was wearing his full armor, since it counted as fancy dress; and he was escorting Star, who was in a ruffly silk tuxedo. The spikes of his arm had been artfully incorporated into the tuxedo, each one poking out from a different design; it looked almost as if it had been intentional, an artistic choice. And on his neck, a perfectly tied bowtie. Seal almost choked when he saw how good Star looked.

Seal himself was in a suit, tightly cut in black and red. A little golden pin shone on his lapel, a concession to Glorious First Light. Behind him was Leo, wearing much the same thing, though at least he got to wear sunglasses. "Go talk to him," Leo suggested, pushing Seal forward a little. Seal stammered, but Leo was already off to the food table, so there was nothing to do but push forwards through the zombies.

"Hey!" Star greeted him cheerily. "Check all thish schit out, huh? Guesh Harv thought we needed more danschersh at thish dansche."

"Fucking weird," Seal agreed. "Look at them. I think that one's trying to do a jig." They watched the zombie jerk up and down for a while, its foot dangling from its leg where the tendons had been cut or rotted away. "Anyways," he said, breaking the reverie, "where the fuck is Des?"

As if on cue, the zombies parted. Sensing the mood, Harv quickly switched the musicians over to some kind of military march. The door to Shadow's room stood open, and there they were. Shadow himself was dressed in his finest regalia, good enough to peacock around at a Dynast ball (minus all the arrow holes, maybe), but he didn't hold a candle to Des, and he stood like he knew it and was proud of it.

Des smirked, soaking in all the attention, and advanced slowly. She was wearing a glittering black dress with thorns embroidered all down its length. They grew more numerous as they neared her shoulder, where an enormous rose bloomed, red so dark it was nearly black. Her gloves were of the same color, mimicking her anima and complimenting the dress, and Bloodthorn hung at her side, held by a loop rather than a sheath: present, beautiful, and ready to kill.

Seal's jaw just about hit the floor; he didn't know shit about fashion, but he was pretty sure Des was wearing all of it tonight. Beside him, Star was similarly gaping. Des' smirk turned into a grin as she came near them, dress trailing on the floor behind her like a pool of night. "Hello, boys," she said, extending an arm to each one. "Ready for prom?"

Star, at least, knew what to do; he knelt and kissed her hand, fully mock-chivalrous. "Milady," he said, struggling not to giggle. Seal was too busy staring. "Holy fuck," he said. "If I wasn't gay my dick would be through the fucking roof right now."

"Don't be gross," Des said, swatting him, though she was visibly pleased with the compliment. "Come on, let's dance already."

Seal frowned. "Yeah, but this music sucks. Hey, Harv, this music fucking sucks!" he shouted over the music, which had returned to something rustic and melancholy at best. Harv was conducting like his life depended on it, though, and didn't hear -- until Hours loomed over him.

"Make vay, leetle man," the Dusk growled, and Harv obliged meekly. The musicians leaned closer to see what Hours was going to ask for, but instead the man pulled out a balalaika and started tuning it. Then he let loose a lively tune, and the musicians shrugged and took it up on their various instruments.

"That'sh more like it," Star said, grinning. "C'mon, Scheal, let'sch fucking dansche."

Well, when he put it like that, Seal had no choice but to dance.

+++

They danced for hours.

Des knew some kind of complicated three-person waltz that let her spin Seal and Star around herself in dizzying counterpoint, so fast that Star accidentally gored a zombie on his way through. But it was, somehow, incredibly fun, as long as Seal didn't try to think about where his feet were going and just kept dancing. He'd never thought dance could be fun, not without any swords or anything.

After a while, though, they were starting to slow down; Seal was dipping into his Essence to keep going, and all their castemarks were starting to show. Des' was burning brightest, so he expected her to step out soon, but what he didn't expect was the sudden maneuver that brought Seal and Star face-to-face while Des stepped back. "I'm going to get a drink," she said, flashing a treacherous smile at Seal. "You two have fun."

Bastard bitch son of a snake, Seal thought venomously at her, but Star shrugged and stepped up, holding out his hands. "Might ash well," he said. "Care to dansche, mishter Scheal?"

Seal sighed and stepped into his arms, taking Star's hand in one and nearly impaling the other before landing safely on Star's shoulder. Right on cue, the music slowed to something meandering; Seal looked over to see Harv ushering Hours from the podium, balalaika torn to shreds. Star hummed for a moment then started moving, forcing Seal to follow his footsteps. "I learned thish one at the academy," he confided. "In cashe we had to infiltshrate a fanschy party or shomefing."

They stepped back and forth for a while. In the distance, Seal spotted Shadow and Harv slow dancing, so he tried to copy them. Anything to avoid the sheer awkwardness, to not have to look Star in the eyes. Shadow and Harv weren't look at each other either, though as they rotated Seal caught the same look of contentment on both their faces. Ugh. Disgusting.

"Scho how do you like your firscht dansche?" Star asked, drawing Seal back to himself. "I'm guesching you didn't exshactly do a lot of dansching in Fortitude or whatever."

Seal shrugged, hoping that Star could see or at least feel it. "It's fucking weird," he said. "It's... fun, I guess. I thought I'd hate it."

"Way better than the danschesh at the academy," Star agreed. "That wash all formal and shtuff. Thish ish nische, though. Jusht ush and our friendsh. And a doshen schombiesh, I guesh, but thoshe don't count."

"Yeah," Seal said. "Just us kids."

+++

A few hours later, the Sanctuary was empty. Forlorn decorations littered the floor, and the refreshment table looked like it had been stampeded. Shadow sat on a folding chair as the zombies slowly picked up the remaining detritus of the dance. Suddenly a shadow loomed -- well, not over him, since Shadow was taller than Phoenix even sitting down, but in front of him.

"Hey," said Phoenix, removing his spiky helmet and setting it on the table. "I think that was a success."

Shadow smiled wearily. "Yes," he said, "I think so too." He raised an eyebrow at Phoenix. "I didn't see you on the floor, much. What's the matter, shy?"

Phoenix chuckled a little. "Dancing's not really my thing. I can shuffle, kinda."

Shadow rose to his feet. "Well, we can't have the kids outshining their teachers, or we'll all lose face. Would you give me the honor of this dance, sir Phoenix?"

Phoenix looked around skeptically at the zombies sweeping up and the lack of music, but he followed Shadow out onto the floor. With a sweeping gesture Shadow banished the zombies to the edges of the room, took Phoenix's hand and set it on his waist, hummed for a moment, then imperiously stepped forward.

Shadow had learned the dance a long time ago, and it was buried deep in his muscle memory: designed to be an easy one for the follower and a difficult one for the leader, though he knew both parts. A memory flashed into his mind, of dancing it with a different partner, and he sighed. "So young," he murmured.

Phoenix grunted in agreement. "Seal was thirteen when he exalted. Just a kid."

They revolved slowly on the spot for a moment, Shadow's feet dancing lightly around Phoenix's. It was a while before either of them spoke again.

"When I was young," Shadow said, "I watched the other children. They were pampered, I thought. They slept on soft beds and ate delicious food and played for hours at a time without any worry in the world. It was an unimaginable luxury."

Phoenix sighed. "That's what kids need," he said. "Safety, comfort, they need to know that things are okay. They deserve happiness. It's not their fault they never get it."

Shadow nodded sadly. "Sometimes," he said, "I think about dropping it all -- the quest, the burdens, everything -- and just... living with them. Taking care of them. Making sure they never have to go through what we went through, or even what they've been through already."

"I tried that," Phoenix said. "Rescued a whole damn buncha kids from Dowager. You heard about Sachi, right?" He shook his head. "That kid's gonna be an adventurer no matter what I do. Gonna get into all sorts of trouble." Resignation mixed with pride in his voice.

"Perhaps that's true," Shadow agreed. "Perhaps all we can do is... make them secure in themselves, to weather the storms that must come."

Phoenix sighed. "That's all you ever can do," he said. "Can't fight everything for them, even if you want to. I mean, big things, sure. But they gotta learn for themselves, too."

Shadow nodded. "Nevertheless," he said, "I wish they didn't have to." He looked down and saw Phoenix grimacing.

"Me too," Phoenix said. "Me too."

[daphenomenal-1]

Avengers Endgame vs Game of Thrones: How to Pay-Off Storytelling

Well, Game of Thrones is over. And as per usual, nobody is happy with how this story ended. Even the die-hard fans admit that this season was the worst season by a country mile for a myriad of reasons. Along with Game of Thrones, another franchise met its end in Avengers: Endgame. And judging by the response and how much money it made, people really like Endgame. So, as Thrones’ last episode aired, I thought it would be cool to analyze some of the arcs from both Endgame and Game of Thrones (and their biggest moment in each) and begin to piece together how to do a big pay-off for long term storytelling. (WARNING: SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME)

Iron Man/Captain America vs Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen

I decided to lump these four into one category because, despite the response from people on social media, these pairs are the main heroes of their respective shows. Jon and Daenerys are the main heroes of Game of Thrones, while Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were the focal points of the MCU. And these characters had their stories wrap up in their respective final outings. However, only one of them was met with praise, while the other was met with scorn. Why?

In Game of Thrones, the show had basically set up for 7 seasons that Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, First of her Name - blah, blah, blah, you get the picture - was going to be the one to sit on the Iron Throne and rule over Westeros. And the showrunners, up until this point, did a decent job both setting up that and also alluding to her becoming the Mad Queen. However, due to the speed of this season, the pay off failed because there wasn’t really any build to her snap in episode 5, and her subsequent actions didn’t make her look any better. Nobody would want to support a person who would willing burn innocent people who are in her path. And her death, while feeling like it wasn’t earned, was really the only way this show was going to end. Jon, on the other hand, the guy who was supposed to be the most virtuous living person, who didn’t care about thrones and only cared about fighting the dead and defeating the Night King, came off as a bit of a ass that didn’t care about anyone except for himself and really nobody else. And his banishment to the North to be with the Wildlings was just not the ending that really paid off the character of the orphan Targaryen. Now, let’s look at Avengers: Endgame.

Tony Stark and Captain America have been set up to both give up and gain something towards the end of their respective runs. The giving up of one life and the gaining of a new one. And the reason that Endgame was so fulfilling in its pay off is because it called back to its roots from The Avengers. That argument between Tony and Cap from The Avengers served as the pay off for these two iconic heroes. Captain America - that one kid from Brooklyn that was only special thanks to the Super Soldier Serum - ended up being the only other one worthy to hold Mjolnir, the hammer of Thor. And at the end, he got to go back and have a life with the love of his life. And Tony Stark - the man who survived in a cave and built himself out, the man that wasn’t a hero and wasn’t pegged to make the sacrifice play to save other - ended up giving his life to save the universe. That’s why this worked and Thrones didn’t: the Russo brothers gave Tony and Steve the endings that these characters deserved. 

Thor vs Jamie Lannister

Both of these characters have one thing in common. A common theme: redemption. Redemption for their failings and an attempt to make things right. However, only one of them really fulfills that redemption arc. Thor, after the events of Avengers: Infinity War, is in a state of disarray. He couldn’t stop Thanos from wiping out half the universe, but now with one more chance to turn back what happened, he failed again. In his rage, he kills the Mad Titan. He goes through a state of depression, gaining a lot of weight and drinking his pain away. But in one of the most empowering scenes in Endgame, while conversing with Lady Frigga, Thor once again was able to call upon his trusty hammer. He was still worthy, even after failing over and over again. His redemption arc has reached its peak. 

Jamie’s story just...just fucking sucked. Jamie, someone who was so loyal to Cersei Lannister, opted to leave her and go to the North to face off against the dead. His story was setting up for what was going to be a good ending for his character: Jamie becoming the Queenslayer and kill Cersei Lannister. But no, he goes back to her and dies with her in his arms. He gets buried with Cersei, just like everyone didn’t want. It seemed like the character regressed so far back that it was nowhere near salvageable. 

Thanos vs Cersei Lannister

Every hero has his or her villain. Someone for the heroes to overcome, despite the challenge they present. The MCU’s version of this character get is the Mad Titan Thanos. And with Thrones, it’s the Queen Bitch of Westeros - Cersei Lannister. Their degrees of villainy are comparable in that these are villains that were both consistent in their intentions and are fairly consistent in ther convictions. I think there’s not much for me to complain about Cersei Lannister and Thanos.

Throughout the entire span of Game of Thrones, if there is one way to describe Cersei Lannister, it is this: she was a bad bitch. Like she was a real one. However, this show didn’t really give her the shine that she deserves. Yeah, she ordered the execution of Missandei. But there was still some untapped potential with how to take her character and how much of a good villain Cersei was. She was just evil. I don’t like that Cersei died in the arms of Jamie and was buried with him. I would have liked to see her get paid what she owed, but she was still a solid villain in her own right. 

Same with Thanos. I know people call him a “Mary Sue”, in that he’s overpowered for the sake of the plot and wins because plot reasons. But Mary Sue characters don’t get killed 15 minutes into their next appearance. What made Thanos interesting in Infinity War was that he was so indoctrinated by his conviction adn saw it through. For the first time in the MCU, the villain won. In Endgame, 2014 Thanos saw that he won. That his goal was complete and that his destiny is also to die after he balances the universe. But what makes him different here is that there is a level of pettiness to Thanos in Endgame that raises the stakes just a bit higher. Yes, future him balanced the universe. But those that survived - i.e.: the Avengers - became ungrateful. They did not see the good that his universal level balancing act did for this planet, so instead he will destroy this universe with the Infinity Stone collected from throughout the years and then restart the universe. And despite having victory in his grasp, he still falls to the Avengers. 

The Battle of Winterfell vs Avengers Assemble

To wrap this up, I could go on and on about other characters, but it is only right that I compare the two big battles of these franchises: the Long Night and the Battle on the Avengers Compound.

I remember watching the Battle at Winterfell and immediately, something felt off. Something wasn’t right. The battle started and it was barely lit, the action sequences were very shaky, so I could barely see the fighting. Even the cool moments like Lady Lyanna Mormont slaying the giant with her dying breath felt less impactful than her “King in the North” speech from season 6. The battle just felt lackluster. The end didn’t feel deserved and the White Walkers - what was being built up to be the biggest threat that the show has ever faced - ended up being nothing more than just another zombie horde like in The Walking Dead. And don’t get me started on the Night King.

The Battle on the Avengers Compound, on the other hand, had so much going on. There was the beginning, where the heroes are scattered as Hawkeye is trying to run away with the gauntlet. There was Thor, Captain America and Iron Man going toe-to-toe with Thanos. There was Captain America wielding Mjolnir and beating Thanos’s ass with it. All of it was culminating in a moment that can never be forgotten. When after standing in front of Thanos’s army, every single hero that was dusted in Infinity War came back and stood alongside Captain America. And then, after 22 movies and 11 years, Captain America - with the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe behind him - finally said one of the most iconic battle cries in comic book history:

That is how you pay-off long term storytelling. That is how you give your fans that have been following your franchise for over a decade pay off. Moments like this. Any genre franchise from here on out should learn from what the MCU did. And the battle was a visual marvel. It was lit in the best way, you could see the action, it was crisp, every hero got some form of spotlight throughout the entire battle and the way it ends feels right and perfectly encapsulates what this saga was about, or rather who this saga was about. At the end of the day, though, it needs to be said that this moment has been said to be one of the best fight scenes in movie history. 

Conclusion

This post was really long. Probably the longest post I’ve made and I probably did leave some things out about certain characters. Was this written because I really wanted to talk about Avengers Endgame again? Yes. Will people actually look at this? Probably not. Ultimately though, the moral of this is that Avengers Endgame did in 3 hours what Game of Thrones couldn’t do in 1 season. And it says a lot when a film that features a giant purple alien with 27 chins and heroes ranging from an old steroid ridden soldier from the 40s to an actual talking, gun-wielding raccoon told a more satisfying story than one of the most sound and cohesive shows on TV today. This year feels like the year of passing the torch for entertainment: the original 6 Avengers pass their torch to the new heroes, and Game of Thrones passed the torch for other shows to capture audiences like they did. However, one did it really well and the other didn’t.

Two great franchises. Two great sagas. And only one worked. That’s a damn shame.

(Also feel free to add anything I didn’t say, because there is a lot)

[nuclearmu5hroom]

Thanks for the tag @kittenbloodcoffee (boy this is a long one....)

THE LAST: 
1. Drink:   Grapefruit soda 
2. Phone call:   My sister and I was trying to give her directions to the Pagan Pride Fest I was at yesterday 
3. Text message:   Veggie Lo Mein and Gen Tso's Chicken (its whats for dinner) 
4. Song you listened to:   Right now at this very moment I'm listening to I'm Your Boogeyman by Rob Zombie 
5. Time you cried:   Like cry cry? or tear up and get moopy? cause I tear up several times a day over stupid stuff but I last genuinely cried when it was brought to my attention that my ex wanted to talk about our son living with him full time.

HAVE YOU: 
6. Dated someone twice: I'm not entirely sure about what this means? Are you asking if I dated someone, broke up, then went back to them? Then yes, I've done that. 
7. Kissed someone and regretted it:   Yes 
8. Been cheated on:   Yes 
9. Lost someone special:   2 friends to suicide and another who I cant talk to because....reasons. 
10. Been depressed: Yup, that bitch runs in my family 
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:   Yes in my younger years. I'm too old for that shit now 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 
12-14: Blue, Purple and Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 
15. Made new friends:   All my pockets frands on Tombler dot gov 
16. Fallen out of love:   Yes sadly. 
17. Laughed until you cried:   Have you ever considered using a penis as an exotic weapon in D&D? I died when we made the rules for this. 
18. Found out someone was talking about you:  Probably but I don't remember or actively blocked it out 
19. Met someone who changed you:   Yes. Its a tendency of mine to absorb characteristics of the people I meet in order for them to like me more. 
20. Found out who your friends are: Secret friends? That sounds neat..if there is anyone who is my friend and they'd like to tell me come on down!! 
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:  Yes. Several people.

GENERAL: 
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:   99.9% of them. 
23. Do you have any pets:   I haz 1 itty bitty kitteh 
24. Do you want to change your name: Nope I like mine just fine. I was named after a friend of my Mom's who joined the Circus. 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Got a PipBoy and the PC version of Fallout 4, my husband made me breakfast and we went out to dinner. It was a good day, tater. 
26. What time did you wake up:   7:30, like most days 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night:   Came home from the movies. I got to see Pee Wee's Big Adventure in the theater! 
28. Name something you can’t wait for:  To hear back if Danny Shorago's gonna be at TooManyGames next year. That and my gaming PC and also my BodyKun/Chan mannikins 
29. When was the last time you saw your mom:   2 1/2 years ago. I don't talk to her and don't wish to. 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life:  My level of education. I really want to go to school for animation and illustration 
31. What are you listening right now:   Short Change Hero - The Heavy. (I am always listening to music. ALWAYS) 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:   Yup, he's one of our managers at my work. Good guy, I like him. 
33. Something that is getting on your nerves:   American Politics and corruption (getting on my nerves is a bit of an understatement) 
34. Most visited Website:   Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter

LOST QUESTIONS. (I mean I just wrote about myself lol) 
35. Mole/s: Molemolemolemolemolemolemolemolemole  (yes I have a few <.<) 
36. Mark/s:   Stretch marks from mah bebbes, scars from self injury from years and years ago. 
37. Childhood dream:   I always wanted to be a Marine Biologist

38. Haircolor: At the moment its electric blue, but naturally its shit brown

39. Long or short hair: Short and shaved on the side and back 
40. Do you have a crush on someone:   Don't tell my husband but yes I do ^-^ (don't worry, its on a celebrity so nothing will ever happen lol) 
41. What do you like about yourself:   I got awesome legs and I'm kinda funny sometimes. 
42. Piercings:   I used to have SO MANY PIERCINGS! I had my right eyebrow, tongue, I had an industrial in my right ear, both nipples, navel, clitoral hood, aaannnnd labia. 
43. Bloodtype: A+ and I always donate 
44. Nickname: Mush (like Mush-chelle) 
45. Relationship status: Married 
46. Zodiac:   Pisces 
47. Pronouns:   She/Her and I'm perfectly ok with they/them too

48. Favorite TV Show:   Stranger Things   
49. Tattoos:   I have Princess Zelda covering my left bicep, the burning eye from Tool on my neck and a really shitty biker tattoo of a fairy that I got for free when I was 16. I plan on getting it covered up.......whenever. 
50. Right or left hand:   Righty 
51. Surgery: Nope 
52. Hair dyed in different color:   See above - Its BLOOOOO 
53. Sport:   Hockey (Go Flyers!) 
55. Vacation: My favorite vacation I ever went to was Disneyworld when I was 10. My dream vacation would be to see my Uncle Klaus and Omi in Germany  
56. Pair of trainers:   Converse. I have a black pair and a maroon pair

MORE GENERAL: 
57. Eating:  OMNOMNOMNOM (I love food) 
58. Drinking:   Til I PEEEE! 
59. I’m about to:   Drop the hottest mix tape this side of my 30s 
61. Waiting for:   a sense of the miraculous in everyday life (pfffffft HA!) 
62. Want:   A house 
63. Get married:  Already did. Wouldn't do it again. 
64. Career: At the moment I am in QA for a small cable company. I like it a lot here, been doing it for 3 years now. The company is good and its loyal to its employees and I could see myself sticking through here as my day job until I retire. What I really want to do though is make my own cartoons.

WHICH IS BETTER 
65. Hugs or kisses:   Depends on the situation 
66. Lips or eyes:   Eyes yes 
67. Shorter or taller:   I want either pocket sized or so tall I cant see where you end. There is no in between 
68. Older or younger: For what? I will be friends with anyone between the ages of 0-150 
70. Nice arms or nice stomach:   Nice stomach arms

71. Sensitive or loud:   Sensitive. Come at me with loud noises and I will yell at you (which defeats the purpose of being quiet) 
72. Hook up or relationship:   Relationships are nice cause they're stable but something about a hook up is hot af  
73. Troublemaker or hesitant:   I will see how much trouble can be tolerated without getting caught. I don't cross boundaries

HAVE YOU EVER: 
74. Kissed a stranger:   Yes. 28th birthday I did 
75. Drank hard liquor:  I plan to tonight 
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses:   Heaven help me if I ever lose my glasses. I am legally blind without them. 
77. Turned someone down:   Yarp. 
78. Sex in the first date:   Yeah. It was whatever 
79. Broken someone’s heart:  More than I care to admit 
80. Had your heart broken:   In a way that can never truly be mended (unrequited is the fucking worst) 
81. Been arrested: Thankfully no

82. Cried when someone died:  I cry when people across the planet die.   
83. Fallen for a friend:   Absolutely  

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 
84. Yourself:   Yeah I'm pretty cool sometimes. 
85. Miracles: I'm in the middle of questioning this. Try again later. 
86. Love at first sight:   That's silly. I believe in lust at first sight but love requires time 
87. Santa Claus:   I'm a Mom so yes. Its written in the parenting rule book you have to.   
88. Kiss in the first date: I kissed my husband on our first date. (and I tried to take him home but he said NO) 
89. Angels:   I believe in extradimentional contacts that have before been described as 'Angels'

OTHER: 
90. Current best friends name: Emma (my sister), Toni, (my other sister who I wish was my sister) 
91. Eye color:   Blue! and I was happy to have passed my mutation to my kids too (both their dads have brown eyes throughout their entire families) 
92. Favorite movie: MST3K: The Movie, Hot Fuzz, Pulp Fiction, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Three Amigos, I Heart Huckabees.

 And now for the fun part!: I tag @ashleyanthrax, @slickmedici, @midnight14, @time4teabeesknees and @sonderingtrashcompactor

 This is a long one so don't go out of your way if you dun wanna.

[deehollowaywrites]

A collection of post-Boxed In scenes for @ignitesthestars and any other interested parties. Warning: mostly kissing.

The thing about Jessa was control. The bullet journals, the two alarm clocks, the precision coffee-measuring apparatus, the fact that she’d been hitting afternoon cheerleading practice even though she wouldn’t be on Westlake’s team in the fall...someone had probably invented the term Type A specifically for her. And I mean, I’d seen her out of control, kind of. Her grabbing my hands and putting them where she wanted, her licking her lips and sighing. I’d seen her dance until her eyes glazed over and get drunk on crappy malt liquor. But after those things--even during--she was still Jessa, still sharp and beautiful and knowing, planning her future with one eye and laughing a little at me with the other.

This Jessa was brand new.

“It’s because Spanish has gendered grammar!” she screamed into my ear, totally unnecessary considering not only was the noise level in the kitchen not that high but she was also standing as close to me as humanly possible, no complaints on my end. “You know, la mesa, el baño. ¿Quién inventó las palabras con los géneros? Que…” She giggled, jostling me against the counter, her arm over my shoulders and condensation from her cup dripping onto my skin. Her Spanish was about twelve hundred percent better than mine, of course, even though I was the one who was really going to need it. She kissed my cheek, her lips lingering. “Que mierda de la caballo. Ha! That one was for you, horseshit, get it? Anyway, that’s why. Because of gendered grammar.”

“That’s why what, though? Like…” I had no idea what she was talking about. Maybe it was my own head fuzzy with beer but I couldn’t remember what her point had been. “What’s because of gendered grammar?”

Jessa stared at me, unblinking. Then she laughed so hard I was pretty sure I felt spit hit my face. “Oh my god, girl. I don’t know. I forgot. Tallis. Tallis.” She kissed me again, her tongue tasting like Malibu and diet Coke. “Your name is so pretty.” Another kiss, softer, my knees knocking sideways against the kitchen island. “You’re so pretty.”

The sound of Trent Lockler arguing with Tori Leroy at the counter over whether PBR could still be considered working-class receded. I wiggled my hands on Jessa’s waist, pushing her blouse up a little so I could poke her belly-button ring. I didn’t want to be in the kitchen anymore.

“I’m going to miss your room,” I said to her ceiling, my hair mashed down into the zillion pillows she kept arranged against her bedstead. What I meant was that I was going to miss her, but her room was an ok stand-in--a metonymy, our AP Language teacher would’ve said, or maybe it was synechdoche, I never kept them straight--the bookshelves as organized as her brain, the sheets and curtains as cool as her clothing.

“Sure,” she said. Her legs pinned mine, her arms wound beneath me. “You’re going to miss my nice big shower, uh-huh, you’re going to miss how Dad makes coffee the way you like and doesn’t drink all of it.” She laid her cheek against mine, not kissing me, just looking at me. She was wearing what looked like maybe five sets of false eyelashes tonight, teal eyeliner and purple both, all the mascara in the world. She was the pretty one. “Oh yeah, you’ll miss dragging your ass out of bed at dawn to go show off for Mom. You won’t miss me.”

“What the hell?” I said, and tried to kiss her. “Why would--I mean--Jessa, I mean, you know that’s not true.”

She turned her lips away from mine and pressed them to my throat instead, underneath my chin, edging up toward my ear. “Yeah, yeah, by the time school’s back in you’ll be hooking up with your favorite skater girl...or that drummer in Gainesville we met at the open-mic night…” Her fingers scrabbled at the button of my shorts and she sank down, pressed against me so tight I thought the bed might swallow us like Nightmare On Elm Street. “You won’t miss me, girl. Don’t worry, I won’t be cramping your style anymore soon, I’ll be in zombie white suburbia drowning in horseshit. Maybe I’ll stay here and you can move instead, huh? Everybody’d be happier.”

It hurt, what she kept saying, the words rolling out with only enough pause in between for her to kiss me. The words hurt and the rest of it was so good, her hands and her tongue, every inch of her that I already missed like burning.

“You won’t,” she whispered, her mouth meeting my neck so hard my head tilted back. Her teeth raked down my throat, sinking in just enough to make me yelp. She kept twitching away from my hands, not letting me touch the way I wanted, the way I knew she liked. When her lips finally covered mine it wasn’t a kiss so much as a collision, both of us gasping, a feeling in my head and across my skin and everywhere else like I wouldn’t be the same Tallis when this was over.

I didn’t want it to be over, not any of it, not what she was doing right now and not Jessa-and-Tallis.

“Jessa,” I managed, and caught her wrists between us. She gazed down at me, heavy eyelashes drooping, her lips open and quivering. Then without so much as a change in expression tears flooded down her cheeks.

“Hey, listen--” I brushed at her cheek--pointless, since the tears didn’t show any sign of stopping, and now I had makeup all over my fingers. Panic shoved up inside my chest, burning away hunger. I was the one who cried, not her. “Jessa.”

“Don’t make me,” she sobbed, and her head dropped against my chest. My mom’s vintage Tupac t-shirt was going to be a mess in a minute. “Why are they making me leave?”

“We said…” I started, my own throat thick and rough. Yep, I’d be crying in about five seconds too. “You said it would be ok, like, the summer. Just--this.”

“I say a lot of things I don’t mean,” she muttered, sniffing, which wasn’t true at all, and that was how I knew that this--her drunk and grabbing me and bawling, the black hole taking up residence in my chest as we got closer to August--was the exact truth.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but girl, you are looking haggard.”

“You think?” I yanked my sweatshirt over my head and the rest of my words came out muffled. “Like, ten races on a ten-race card. You’d be haggard too.” Grinning at her, I tossed the sweatshirt onto one of the room’s twin beds. “Just kidding, I mean, you’ve never looked haggard in your life. Jesus God, you look even better than you did when--before--”

Before you left was the tail-end of that sentence, and it shouldn’t have still stung as much as it did. She’d gotten over it, and so had I, for real and serious even when I wasn’t kidding myself. We were friends now and that was good, because it wasn’t something we’d ever been before.

“Hardly,” Jessa said. She perched on the edge of the other bed, the clean one, the one I hadn’t mussed with my grimy-ass sweatshirt. “NYU is killing me, Tallis.”

“Well damn, aren’t you a good-looking corpse?” I began unbuttoning my shirt. “Turn around and, um, preserve my modesty.”

“Uh-huh. Modesty, like jockeys ever heard of that.” She didn’t turn, just kept watching me with her small smile. The loud lipstick she’d always loved was now accented by a lip ring. My terrible traitor brain wondered whether she still wore the little jewel in her belly button. She pushed her braids over her shoulder and smirked. “I know exactly what y’all get up to in the locker rooms.”

“Sure, if you want to get--like--those showers are nasty, Jessa, for real. I’m not in the market for trenchfoot.” The last buttonhole slid open under my fingers and I peeled my shirt away. The movement wrenched something in my back. “Shit, seriously? Again?”

“What?” She frowned as I probed at the ribs above my left hip. “You hurt yourself, didn’t you.”

“It’s old, like, I broke a couple of ribs in the summer.” I breathed deep, fingers crossed against feeling that dire pop. “You remember, I lost like eight followers on Twitter because I wouldn’t stop bitching about it.” I breathed in again. “Ok. I must’ve just...I think I strained something, that last ride. Man, was Pearls Before Swine fucking with me! I don’t know whether you saw, like, he likes to be on the lead but it wasn’t that kind of race, I mean, the track wasn’t playing that shit, so I had to really muscle him--”

“Speaking of muscle.” It’d always been like this, me running my mouth and her shutting me up with a touch. Her fingers covered mine on my ribs and then slipped them aside, gently kneading my back. “Girl, you were never fat but now you’re downright shredded.”

“Gotta be.” I tried not to sigh, tried not to let on how good her hand felt on my aching muscles. “The horses fight you, the guys…”

“I’ll bet.” Her voice was sour now. “Well, that’s the job you chose. Assholes at every pay grade.”

“Oh, I mean, they’re not so bad.” Jessa was still standing close to me, still with her hands on me--both of them now, settled between my ribs and hips. I’d always been straight up-and-down, a board with a ‘frohawk on top, and somehow she’d always found something to hold onto. “The guys at Gulfstream, like, that’s my colony. They got my back.”

“And the guys up here?” She looked at me, head tilted, her eyes deep brown. She’d ditched the colored contacts thing sometime freshman year, as I recalled. Maybe that kind of thing wasn’t cool in Manhattan. “I’ve heard Mom talk about the guys riding in New York.”

“New York’s me cutting my teeth,” I said. New York was me proving myself, to the jocks at Belmont and Aqueduct and the trainers and the betting public. I couldn’t be riding Gwen Taylor’s coattails forever. If I could do New York, I could sure do Del Mar, and maybe even Fair Grounds. “They want to give me a hard time, like, you know I’ll hand it right back.”

“Still punk as hell, I see.” One of her hands trailed up my back, fingertips beneath the band of my sports bra for just a second. “Maybe on some dark day I’ll take you to CBGB.”

“It’s not there anymore,” I grumbled. “I mean, the building where it was, the sign’s still there and it’s, like, on the historic registry, but I mean--what’s the point? If you can’t see a show?”

“Still pedantic too,” she murmured. Her hand moved again, and then I felt her fingers caught between my back and the wall. “Still obsessed with minutiae when there’s better things to be thinking about.”

“Minutiae? What kind of NYU law student word--”

Her lips were exactly as soft as I remembered, fuller and rounder than mine, the vanilla flavor of her favorite lipstick brand enveloping my mouth. There was a little tinge of liquor too, sharp on her tongue, and that was new, she must’ve had a drink at the racetrack, not that I blamed her for drinking away the boredom and distaste of a sport she hated. She didn’t seem to be in any hurry, and though I couldn’t understand why--suddenly I was starving, my whole body hungry--I tried to let her show me, tried to match my lips to hers, slow and speculative.

“Jessa,” I said when she let me. I was glad she’d backed me against the wall, because between the day’s races and the warmth of her my legs weren’t much use. “I thought…”

I didn’t know what I thought. The parts of me that did the thinking weren’t tuned in just then.

“You’re not with anybody, right?” When I shook my head she smiled, her real smile, not a single smudge of bubblegum-pink on her cheeks or chin. “Neither am I.”

“How,”  I said, “is that even possible. What the hell is wrong, I mean, is every girl in New York blind?”

“There just isn’t anybody right now.”

“At least I have, like, the travel excuse.”

I leaned my head on the wall and looked at her. I’d forgotten how much I liked looking at her. It had been bad, the fall after the Taylors moved, I’d missed her and tried not to bug her with it, because we’d decided long-distance was no good. And then after a while it was more ok, we were friends and talked like friends, and I graduated and went to Miami and got distracted by being able to do what I wanted for the first time, for real.

And now New York, like I’d always known would happen, me with Gwen Taylor’s horses. At least by now I’d proved I could handle them. I hadn’t expected to handle...this, ever again.

“You’ll always be traveling,” she said. The hand still cupped around my side did some traveling of its own. I shivered when her fingers dipped beneath the waist of my jeans. “You’re traveling right now.”

“Yep,” I agreed. “Jet Blue sure did bring me up here.”

“So maybe I’ll keep you warm during the meet,” she said. “You poor Florida girl, you. I know you’re freezing.”

I kissed her again, once, twice. I let my lips drift down her throat, nestle against the spot beneath her ear that she’d liked to have kissed. “That’s not why I got goosebumps.”

Jessa leaned over and tugged the hood of my jacket away from my face. “All good in there, girl?”

“Yep.”

“You sure?” She laughed, tucking a curl inside my beanie. “You got mobility? The sidewalks are going to be icy.”

“Guess I’ll have to, like, hold your hand or something,” I said. I spun around, arms out, the heavy tread of my boots squeaking on the tile floor. Man, it was nice tile, the lobby of her building, black-and-white checker like something out of an old Mob film. “Anyway, I’m the mobilest. I’m deft, you know, quick on my feet. Three sweaters and two pairs of pants and a coat ain’t shit.”

“So that means you’ll slay when we go ice skating at Rockefeller Center,” Jessa said. When my head whipped around to her she blinked, face all innocent, and adjusted the folds of her scarf. “What? It’s your first New York Christmas. We have to.”

“Ice skating,” I said with as much dignity as possible, “is about the exact opposite of punk.”

“Sure,” Jessa said. “Like the entire sport of hockey doesn’t exist.” She linked her arm through mine and pulled me past the doorman. “Have a good night, Reggie!”

“Night, Miss Jessa,” the doorman called back.

“You’re so polite,” I said when we got outside, and then I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Get the fuck out of the way,” someone snarled, and someone else’s shoulders bumped past, and Jessa tugged me over against the side of the brownstone, laughing.

“You can’t do that here, Tallis, you’ll get run over.”

“I know.” I tilted my head back. I wanted to keep my eyes open, but snow falling directly into them didn’t feel too good, apparently. The flakes on my cheeks were like frozen kisses. “God, I mean, I’m not brand new, I’ve been here for, like, nearly a year.”

“Eight months is not a year.” Jessa kept her arm curled through mine, her mitten wrapped around my fingerless gloves. I had to admit my hand was a lot warmer that way, even if the gloves looked cool. “And I’ve seen you, you’re much better at navigating the subway than you are about just walking down the sidewalk.”

I giggled and stuck my tongue out. Who cared about pollution? The snowflakes sure looked nice and white to me. “I never even needed my driver’s license, man.”

“Still making excuses for your inability to parallel-park.” She smiled and leaned her head against the side of mine. Her hair was in cornrows now and her mother’s was short and natural, like they couldn’t have the same hairstyle at the same time, Jessa’s braids out of sight beneath the furry hood of her coat. “So. Thoughts?”

“I have a lot of them,” I admitted.

“I mean about the snow.”

I watched it come down, not heavy but steady, no wind and tiny white pinpricks falling. It almost looked purposeful. It was different being out in it than it’d looked from the window of Jessa’s studio, when she’d woken me up and told me to come see. Outside now, the flakes were almost transparent, fighting with New York’s light pollution. I thought I liked it.

“It’s pretty,” I said, and Jessa snickered.

“Pretty? Just pretty? Where’s the Tallis treatise?”

I shook my head. It was pretty and that was all I had, or maybe it was that she was pretty--the fur hood framing her face, the soft dimple in her chin disappearing into her scarf when she smiled. She looked like she’d always been roughing it in New York winter, like she’d never been a Florida girl, never worn Uggs when it hit 55 degrees for three days in January. She was ahead of me like she’d always been. Standing on a snowy hill and waving, waiting for me to catch up.

Snowflakes sat on the tips of her falsies, little bits of ice that glinted and matched the opals in her nose ring. She was waiting, still, she’d always been good at that, giving me time to say whatever it was that was stuck in my head.

Instead I stuck my tongue out again and caught snowflakes and kissed her, mouth open and cold. She startled against me, her mitten fingers tightening on mine, and then giggled. “Eat too much of that stuff, you’ll get dysentery and die like Oregon Trail.”

“Can’t die before we go ice-skating!” I said, pushing my freezing cheeks against hers. “Come on, Jessa, what else is on the Big Apple Christmas checklist?”

“You know,” she said. She pulled me back onto the sidewalk, moving just quickly enough not to piss off fellow travelers. “Sledding in Gramercy Park. The Rockettes.” Her eyes slid sideways in that evil Jessa look I’d missed. “Maybe if you win that really goth-sounding race I’ll even kiss you at midnight on New Year’s.”

“What if I don’t wanna wait ‘til New Year’s?”

“And every night ‘til then,” she said, and tugged me down the stairs to the Harlem subway stop.

It was kind of cozy, I thought, staring out the jocks’ room window at the snow, and I said so to Jessa.

“Cozy,” she repeated. “How cozy are you going to be when the power shuts off? Freezing to death at Aqueduct, of all places, was not how I planned on going out.”

“Would you be more into, you know, hypothermia if we were at Saratoga? It’s so pretty when it snows up there, like, the NYRA account tweeted a photo the other day and it looked like a fairytale, I mean, all the pine trees and--”

“No, Tallis,” she said. She flopped onto the grody couch without even grimacing at the suspiciously ass-shaped worn spots and that was how I knew she was actually bothered. “I’m serious. The winter we got up here a big snow storm came out of nowhere during a race day and the power went off about an hour in. All the personnel hadn’t even left yet! I knew I should’ve driven, you didn’t put snow tires on your car.”

I went over and sat by her, curling my legs up and my arm around her shoulders. “I’ll keep you warm, never you fear.”

“You have zero percent body fat.” Jessa leaned her head against mine, and I felt her cheek round out in a smile. “Girl, I’ll be the one keeping you warm.”

“Um, as you well know, I am really good at generating body heat, like, it’s one of my specialties.” I slid onto her lap and grabbed her shoulders, rubbing her arms through her sweater. She rolled her eyes and giggled. “Yeah? No? Ok, how about--” And I kissed her, the motion of my hands slowing until they slipped down, beneath her elbows, and she pulled me close enough to feel her heartbeat speeding up. She was warm--there were a lot of things I liked about New York winters, surprisingly, but the best was how warm Jessa felt at night, snuggled up to me in bed--and she sighed, tilting the heavy mass of her braids back against the couch.

“Not to interrupt or anything--” someone said, and I jerked upright, twisting to look toward the door. When I saw who was there I scrambled back off Jessa and stood up.

“Felix, hey.”

It still felt weird and wrong and completely improbable to call her Felix, even if I’d had my real grown-person jockey’s license for almost three years and ridden with her and beaten her, more than once. She stood there in the doorway, grinning at us, half her face hidden by a huge scarf.

“You guys should probably leave if you’re gonna, it’s supposed to get worse.”

Jessa sighed again, this time not in her sexy way. “The roads are already terrible, I know.” She grabbed my hand and let me haul her off the couch. “This innocent southern specimen doesn’t have snow tires on her car.”

“I drove all last winter without snow tires!” I protested. “I didn’t get in any wrecks, like, I didn’t even spin out on the Thruway like some people--”

“Felicia, we are out, vamos,” someone else said from behind Felix. Eddy Ramon appeared, his hair dusted with snow where it poked out from his hat. “Oh, hey, Tallis. Jessa.”

Hey Tallis, like he wasn’t still the third-winningest rider in US history. I waved.

“We can drive you,” Felix said. “He’s got more than enough room and you should see the size of the snow tires on that machine.” She smirked and elbowed Eddy, though I doubted it had much impact considering how many coats he seemed to be wearing. “Remind me to check with Phil, see if you’re overcompensating for something.”

“My truck does not need sauce from the girl who once drove down I24 in a blizzard with the sun roof open.” Eddy smiled at me. “We can definitely drive you, no problem.”

“Doubt they’ll open back up tomorrow, this Ileana bitch keeps hammering us the way she is,” Felix said. She held the jocks’ room door open for Jessa. “Who names winter storms, anyway?”

“Seems unnecessary,” Eddy said.

“Remember the Frankenstorm?” Felix snorted, winding her scarf higher over her chin. “Turfway don’t close for love nor money.”

“As I recall, you made a hell of a lot of money that weekend,” Eddy said. “So I ain’t sure why you’re complaining in the reminiscence.” He braced his hands on the door to the breezeway and looked at Jessa. “Miss Jessa, you want I should go get the truck and you all wait?”

“This gentleman,” Felix said. “Don’t be fooled. One time he and Jensen locked me on the balcony here when it was like 12 degrees out.”

“Jocks’ room, jocks’ rules,” Eddy said, unruffled. “Jessa’s a civilian, and I live in terror of her momma even still.”

“Fair,” Felix said. “Christ, wrap her up in that blanket you keep in the back, the thought of dinging Gwen Taylor’s baby is unmentionable.”

Jessa cleared her throat. “Still right here, guys.”

She had an easy way, talking to them. I guessed it was because they’d always been around, in her childhood, working at South Hills and eating dinner with her parents in Miami. It was almost impossible for me to imagine, but that didn’t keep me from spending way too much time thinking about it.

“And,” Jessa went on, “the one you should be worried about dinging is Tallis.” She wrapped her arm around my waist. “Mom might shed a tear if you lost me in a snowbank but she’d scream bloody murder if you broke her favorite jockey. Who’d win the Jerome if Tallis wasn’t around?”

I bit my lip as Eddy laughed and Felix’s nostrils flared a little. “Good reason to survive the weekend,” she said. “He’ll just drive real slow on the parkway, right? Y’all are going to Long Hills?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I’m not going to, you know--I mean I would never ask you to drive to Harlem in, like. This.”

“Ay, you live in Harlem?” Eddy said. “So, quick poll for science, who would be down for trying out that Thai place on 118th?”

“Sure,” Felix said, shoving the door open. I braced myself against the blast of snow and icy air that came whirling in. “Sure, you and Jessa sit there and eat green curry and lychee ice cream while me and Tallis get our kicks from the good smells. So fun.”

“Come on, nena, take one for the team, I been living on nachos since I got here.”

Felix said something back as they both started down the walkway. Jessa smiled at me, kissed my cheek, and wrapped my left hand in both of hers. “Ready to spend the rest of the foreseeable future with your heroes?”

“Like, if I die on the Kennedy Bridge while Eddy and Felix argue about their career highlights,” I said, tucking my head down against icy snowflakes, “I will die happy.”

Jessa laughed, the sound snatched away by the wind, and didn’t say anything while we trudged across the horsemen’s lot. Her face, so far as I could see it through snow and her furry hood, reminded me of when I’d come home from the hospital last spring with a broken arm. As her mitten fingers tightened around mine, it occurred to me that maybe any kind of jokes about dying could stay in the jockeys’ room.

[samanthasroberts]

The 5 Best Halloween Episodes You Should Watch Tonight

Happy Halloween, everyone! How you choose to celebrate this most blessed of holidays is up to you. Some of you will drink pumpkin beer until you poop jack o’ lanterns, some of you will take your children trick-or-treating, and some of you will sit on the couch and absorb horror films. But if I can make a suggestion for that last group: In between your annual viewings of Halloween 4: The One Where Michael Myers’ Mask Looks Like Total Dogshit and Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: Not That Bad, Actually, consider watching some Halloween-themed TV episodes. Because while movies are great for frights, there are a few TV shows that actually capture the spirit of Halloween. For example …

5

The Office: “Employee Transfer”

The year is 2008. The place is every theater in the known world. The movie is The Dark Knight. And the thought that’s going through four billion heads simultaneously is “I know what I’m going to be for Halloween this year.”

Read Next

How The 'Last Of Us 2' Trailer Ruined A Sure Thing

On October 31, 2008, you couldn’t throw a Batarang without hitting someone dressed in a Heath Ledger Joker outfit. The simple act of going outside was an invitation for swarms of people in purple sweatpants to come up and ask you if you wanted to see a magic trick. Drama kids draped themselves in long wool coats and ventured into the cool autumn night, looking for prey to listen to their story about how they got their scars. Former frat bros lathered on white facepaint and sipped vodka red bulls as they mumbled through half-remembered things about “chaos” and “killing the Batman.” And the one guy dressed as Beetlejuice spent the whole evening correcting people.

It was like magic. Somewhere in Heath Ledger’s wonderful performance, the worst people you knew heard a dog whistle. A dog whistle which screeched “Annoy the fuck out of everyone you know and love.” The Office understood that this was going to happen, and that’s why “Employee Transfer” is so great.

Airing on October 30th, it was like a warning to the general public: Beware, for tomorrow your neighbors will turn on you, your children will betray you, and your roommates will spend six hours attempting to apply cheek prosthetics before giving up and just using a pound of lipstick. Any show that can accurately capture the frustration of existing in the same universe as the mob of Jokers before that day of frustration actually occurs is worth your attention.

“Employee Transfer” features some of Steve Carell’s best acting in the whole series, but it’s also a great parody of the time the Earth cancelled Halloween and replaced it with Jokerfest 2008. I’ll never forgive Christopher Nolan. Never.

4

The Spectacular Spider-Man: “The Uncertainty Principle”

It’s hard for superhero shows to do a good Halloween episode, and I think it’s because superheroes wear masks all the time, and a lot of the comedy from any Halloween episode comes from what the characters decide to dress up as. It’s really hard to properly dress up as anything when your main wardrobe is one bright color with a huge symbol on your chest. That’s why most superhero Halloween specials are just plain adventure stories. In The Batman episode “Grundy’s Night,” Clayface pretends to be unkillable zombie Solomon Grundy to better rob intolerable old rich people. It’s great. You should check it out.

Unsurprisingly, The Spectacular Spider-Man, the best superhero cartoon of all time, broke the mold a little bit and gave us a Halloween episode that’s a little more think-y. However, all this metaphorin’ doesn’t prevent the episode from having a fight between Green Goblin and Spider-Man which takes up the entire third act. That was probably the greatest strength of the show: being able to balance teen drama and deep reflection with radioactive boxing matches that usually lasted about seven glorious minutes.

While most interpretations of the Green Goblin never get past the whole “Curse you, Spider-Maaaaaan” section of their shtick, this Green Goblin is a playful, sadistic dick. He’s constantly asking Spider-Man to consider what “mask” is real — the mask that hides your face or the mask that is your face. This doesn’t just play into the mystery of who the Green Goblin is, but also deals with something that’s lacking in a lot of superhero shows that are made for kids: At what point does your human identity become the facade? The Green Goblin and Peter Parker aren’t opposites; they’re both freaks who only find respite and fulfillment when they wear their masks. Peter Parker is a bespectacled shell of a nerd. It’s only when he’s Spider-Man, quipping and punching with psychopathic consistency, that his actual mask gets taken off.

Anyway, Green Goblin (Norman Osborn) fakes a leg injury and then retreats back to his home. There, he finds his son passed out, breaks his own son’s fucking leg, and puts the Goblin costume on him. Then, when Spider-Man gets there, Norman is all like “We gotta get my son some help. He’s really sick. See, his leg is broken. He’s helpless. WINK.” So yeah, if you want to watch something with all the fun of a Marvel character and all the “Oh my god, no” of comic book child abuse, this is a good one. Jeez. Maybe you should’ve just gone to a costume party or something, y’all.

3

Any Roseanne Halloween Episode

If you grew up in a small town like I did, you know that Halloweens are a gamble. You’ll get to go trick-or-treating, but only if your parents are down to drive you to a more populated place that supports such an activity. Otherwise you’re just trudging in a ditch down a lonely country road, hoping that a passing car doesn’t hit you and ruin your Dollar Store Wolfman mask and spill all of your candy. And when you age out of that, you go to a local haunted maze, which never fails to be out in the middle of nowhere. There, you watch theatrical rednecks rev chainsaws, wave severed prop heads, and ignore copyright infringements. In North Carolina, you don’t legally reach puberty until you’ve held someone’s hand through the Hacker House. It’s the law.

One of the draws of the sitcom Roseanne was that it was about a lower-middle-class family. So many sitcoms were based around how cool it would be to have friends in New York City, or how great it would be if you could shove a dozen family members into the same piece of prime San Francisco real estate. But Roseanne was hunkered down in the suburbs. The main set looked like it had been cobbled together from a thrift store’s going-out-of-business sale, the costumes were from a Fashion Bug clearance rack, and the family was loud and loving, just like mine.

Except on Halloween.

The Halloween episodes of Roseanne are things of sitcom legend. Barely having anything to do with the show itself, the Halloween episodes would go all out and present an alternate Roseanne reality where the family could suddenly afford elaborate costumes and expensive makeup. Halloween was the biggest day of the year (as it should be in all worlds, fictional or otherwise), and the usual relaxed pace of a Roseanne episode was replaced by a frantic joke parade. And for me, it was pure wish fulfillment.

You wanted to have a Roseanne Halloween. A Halloween where you could buy that expensive costume that you saw at the mall and run around and play pranks on everyone. A Halloween where you could go trick-or-treating with your friends, because most houses were less than a quarter of a mile from each other. A Halloween where everyone, adults included, understood how important Halloween was to you.

The Halloweens I experienced as a kid were fucking wonderful. But just once, I wanted a Roseanne Halloween.

2

How I Met Your Mother: “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns”

I moved from North Carolina to NYC, because it’s the true path of an artist to be miserable in a small town and then move to a large town where you’re only mostly miserable. And it’s there that I learned that you will see most of the people you know maybe once every few months. It’s just hard to hang out with people. Sure, a subway system connects the whole city, but deciding to use it is flipping the coin on whether a particular train works that day or not. So you’ll go a long time without seeing someone important to you. “Oh, I remember you! You were at that thing in 1988! New Jersey now, huh?”

The How I Met Your Mother Halloween episode “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns” gets that more than most NYC-based sitcoms. In it, human sweater vest Ted Mosby finally meets up with a girl that he saw at a Halloween party years earlier. She’d been dressed as a pumpkin, and as he did with most things with a pulse, he fell in love with her. But now, upon meeting her and dating her, he finds that they have absolutely no spark. Sitcoms, right? One minute you’re in a zany situation, the next you’re finding out that you’ve spent the last ten years pining after a lie. Laugh track!

Halloween in a big city is weird. On one hand, you want to explore what it has to offer, but it’s easy to get discouraged by the fact that you know that something like “HALLOWEEN PARTY FEATURING DJ QUANTUM. HALF-OFF SHOTS. PEOPLE IN COSTUMES GET A FREE PUMPKIN TEQUILA ENEMA” will attract roughly 30,000 people. So you go to parties, where you make friends you don’t see again for eight years. And so your big-city circle of friends becomes a mix of a core group you hang out with constantly and people you see once a decade. It’s kind of nice, especially in a sea of sitcoms that portray NYC as a place where you apparently can teleport from borough to borough, never having to worry about petty things like time or physics.

1

Walker, Texas Ranger: “The Children Of Halloween”

I don’t blame you if you don’t want to watch Walker, Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris is a pretty cartoonish figure in pop culture, but most episodes of Walker are a slog. Chuck kicks some criminals, administers a moral lesson, and talks down to everyone. Chuck Norris is judge, jury, executioner, God, Jesus, and Shakespeare in Walker, Texas Ranger. Somehow, Chuck Norris made a show about roundhouse kicks into something as boring as a Pat Robertson colonoscopy.

However, if you’re looking for something that is simultaneously a piece of batshit holiday insanity and the Walker-est Texas-est Ranger-est episode of Walker, Texas Ranger ever, watch “The Children Of Halloween.” It opens with Norris scoffing at his black co-worker’s George Washington Carver costume. Walker is a Texas Ranger, but more than that, he’s an awful dickhead.

One scene of men in ape masks shooting machine guns at a convenience store for no reason later, and we get a touching montage of kids practicing martial arts that feels like it lasts two hours. One of those kids is abducted by a satanic cult, and Walker is dropped into a race against time to stop children from being sacrificed. How spooky is all of this? So spooky that the opening credits adopt a Tales From The Crypt font and show us a cemetery with a blue filter over it. Fucking boo.

Sony Pictures Television Distribution

That’s ultimate spooky.

Regardless, Walker has never met a problem he couldn’t quite easily resolve by beating it unconscious. In the nick of time, he literally flies onto the screen with a side-kick, and then breaks a Satan worshiper’s neck in front of a group of stunned children. He proceeds to kick an entire cult into submission and saves the day. Walker finishes the episode by drinking coffee in a bar while ignoring the women who hit on him, because as the theme song says, “That’s what a ranger’s gonna be.” Yep. Murder a bunch of strangers in front of elementary schoolers and never have sex, like, ever. It’s what a ranger’s gonna be. Who am I to argue?

Daniel has a spooky, scary Twitter.

The Simpsons Tree House of Horror Collection is objectively the greatest Halloween TV you’ll ever find on this Earth. Enjoy!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 6 Unnecessarily Horrifying Episodes Of Beloved Kids Shows and 5 Inexplicably Creepy Episodes of Family Friendly TV Shows.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The Darkest Episode of an 80’s Sitcom Ever, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. Boo!

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/06/the-5-best-halloween-episodes-you-should-watch-tonight/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/06/the-5-best-halloween-episodes-you-should-watch-tonight/

[adambstingus]

The 5 Best Halloween Episodes You Should Watch Tonight

Happy Halloween, everyone! How you choose to celebrate this most blessed of holidays is up to you. Some of you will drink pumpkin beer until you poop jack o’ lanterns, some of you will take your children trick-or-treating, and some of you will sit on the couch and absorb horror films. But if I can make a suggestion for that last group: In between your annual viewings of Halloween 4: The One Where Michael Myers’ Mask Looks Like Total Dogshit and Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: Not That Bad, Actually, consider watching some Halloween-themed TV episodes. Because while movies are great for frights, there are a few TV shows that actually capture the spirit of Halloween. For example …

5

The Office: “Employee Transfer”

The year is 2008. The place is every theater in the known world. The movie is The Dark Knight. And the thought that’s going through four billion heads simultaneously is “I know what I’m going to be for Halloween this year.”

Read Next

How The ‘Last Of Us 2’ Trailer Ruined A Sure Thing

On October 31, 2008, you couldn’t throw a Batarang without hitting someone dressed in a Heath Ledger Joker outfit. The simple act of going outside was an invitation for swarms of people in purple sweatpants to come up and ask you if you wanted to see a magic trick. Drama kids draped themselves in long wool coats and ventured into the cool autumn night, looking for prey to listen to their story about how they got their scars. Former frat bros lathered on white facepaint and sipped vodka red bulls as they mumbled through half-remembered things about “chaos” and “killing the Batman.” And the one guy dressed as Beetlejuice spent the whole evening correcting people.

It was like magic. Somewhere in Heath Ledger’s wonderful performance, the worst people you knew heard a dog whistle. A dog whistle which screeched “Annoy the fuck out of everyone you know and love.” The Office understood that this was going to happen, and that’s why “Employee Transfer” is so great.

Airing on October 30th, it was like a warning to the general public: Beware, for tomorrow your neighbors will turn on you, your children will betray you, and your roommates will spend six hours attempting to apply cheek prosthetics before giving up and just using a pound of lipstick. Any show that can accurately capture the frustration of existing in the same universe as the mob of Jokers before that day of frustration actually occurs is worth your attention.

“Employee Transfer” features some of Steve Carell’s best acting in the whole series, but it’s also a great parody of the time the Earth cancelled Halloween and replaced it with Jokerfest 2008. I’ll never forgive Christopher Nolan. Never.

4

The Spectacular Spider-Man: “The Uncertainty Principle”

It’s hard for superhero shows to do a good Halloween episode, and I think it’s because superheroes wear masks all the time, and a lot of the comedy from any Halloween episode comes from what the characters decide to dress up as. It’s really hard to properly dress up as anything when your main wardrobe is one bright color with a huge symbol on your chest. That’s why most superhero Halloween specials are just plain adventure stories. In The Batman episode “Grundy’s Night,” Clayface pretends to be unkillable zombie Solomon Grundy to better rob intolerable old rich people. It’s great. You should check it out.

Unsurprisingly, The Spectacular Spider-Man, the best superhero cartoon of all time, broke the mold a little bit and gave us a Halloween episode that’s a little more think-y. However, all this metaphorin’ doesn’t prevent the episode from having a fight between Green Goblin and Spider-Man which takes up the entire third act. That was probably the greatest strength of the show: being able to balance teen drama and deep reflection with radioactive boxing matches that usually lasted about seven glorious minutes.

While most interpretations of the Green Goblin never get past the whole “Curse you, Spider-Maaaaaan” section of their shtick, this Green Goblin is a playful, sadistic dick. He’s constantly asking Spider-Man to consider what “mask” is real — the mask that hides your face or the mask that is your face. This doesn’t just play into the mystery of who the Green Goblin is, but also deals with something that’s lacking in a lot of superhero shows that are made for kids: At what point does your human identity become the facade? The Green Goblin and Peter Parker aren’t opposites; they’re both freaks who only find respite and fulfillment when they wear their masks. Peter Parker is a bespectacled shell of a nerd. It’s only when he’s Spider-Man, quipping and punching with psychopathic consistency, that his actual mask gets taken off.

Anyway, Green Goblin (Norman Osborn) fakes a leg injury and then retreats back to his home. There, he finds his son passed out, breaks his own son’s fucking leg, and puts the Goblin costume on him. Then, when Spider-Man gets there, Norman is all like “We gotta get my son some help. He’s really sick. See, his leg is broken. He’s helpless. WINK.” So yeah, if you want to watch something with all the fun of a Marvel character and all the “Oh my god, no” of comic book child abuse, this is a good one. Jeez. Maybe you should’ve just gone to a costume party or something, y’all.

3

Any Roseanne Halloween Episode

If you grew up in a small town like I did, you know that Halloweens are a gamble. You’ll get to go trick-or-treating, but only if your parents are down to drive you to a more populated place that supports such an activity. Otherwise you’re just trudging in a ditch down a lonely country road, hoping that a passing car doesn’t hit you and ruin your Dollar Store Wolfman mask and spill all of your candy. And when you age out of that, you go to a local haunted maze, which never fails to be out in the middle of nowhere. There, you watch theatrical rednecks rev chainsaws, wave severed prop heads, and ignore copyright infringements. In North Carolina, you don’t legally reach puberty until you’ve held someone’s hand through the Hacker House. It’s the law.

One of the draws of the sitcom Roseanne was that it was about a lower-middle-class family. So many sitcoms were based around how cool it would be to have friends in New York City, or how great it would be if you could shove a dozen family members into the same piece of prime San Francisco real estate. But Roseanne was hunkered down in the suburbs. The main set looked like it had been cobbled together from a thrift store’s going-out-of-business sale, the costumes were from a Fashion Bug clearance rack, and the family was loud and loving, just like mine.

Except on Halloween.

The Halloween episodes of Roseanne are things of sitcom legend. Barely having anything to do with the show itself, the Halloween episodes would go all out and present an alternate Roseanne reality where the family could suddenly afford elaborate costumes and expensive makeup. Halloween was the biggest day of the year (as it should be in all worlds, fictional or otherwise), and the usual relaxed pace of a Roseanne episode was replaced by a frantic joke parade. And for me, it was pure wish fulfillment.

You wanted to have a Roseanne Halloween. A Halloween where you could buy that expensive costume that you saw at the mall and run around and play pranks on everyone. A Halloween where you could go trick-or-treating with your friends, because most houses were less than a quarter of a mile from each other. A Halloween where everyone, adults included, understood how important Halloween was to you.

The Halloweens I experienced as a kid were fucking wonderful. But just once, I wanted a Roseanne Halloween.

2

How I Met Your Mother: “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns”

I moved from North Carolina to NYC, because it’s the true path of an artist to be miserable in a small town and then move to a large town where you’re only mostly miserable. And it’s there that I learned that you will see most of the people you know maybe once every few months. It’s just hard to hang out with people. Sure, a subway system connects the whole city, but deciding to use it is flipping the coin on whether a particular train works that day or not. So you’ll go a long time without seeing someone important to you. “Oh, I remember you! You were at that thing in 1988! New Jersey now, huh?”

The How I Met Your Mother Halloween episode “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns” gets that more than most NYC-based sitcoms. In it, human sweater vest Ted Mosby finally meets up with a girl that he saw at a Halloween party years earlier. She’d been dressed as a pumpkin, and as he did with most things with a pulse, he fell in love with her. But now, upon meeting her and dating her, he finds that they have absolutely no spark. Sitcoms, right? One minute you’re in a zany situation, the next you’re finding out that you’ve spent the last ten years pining after a lie. Laugh track!

Halloween in a big city is weird. On one hand, you want to explore what it has to offer, but it’s easy to get discouraged by the fact that you know that something like “HALLOWEEN PARTY FEATURING DJ QUANTUM. HALF-OFF SHOTS. PEOPLE IN COSTUMES GET A FREE PUMPKIN TEQUILA ENEMA” will attract roughly 30,000 people. So you go to parties, where you make friends you don’t see again for eight years. And so your big-city circle of friends becomes a mix of a core group you hang out with constantly and people you see once a decade. It’s kind of nice, especially in a sea of sitcoms that portray NYC as a place where you apparently can teleport from borough to borough, never having to worry about petty things like time or physics.

1

Walker, Texas Ranger: “The Children Of Halloween”

I don’t blame you if you don’t want to watch Walker, Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris is a pretty cartoonish figure in pop culture, but most episodes of Walker are a slog. Chuck kicks some criminals, administers a moral lesson, and talks down to everyone. Chuck Norris is judge, jury, executioner, God, Jesus, and Shakespeare in Walker, Texas Ranger. Somehow, Chuck Norris made a show about roundhouse kicks into something as boring as a Pat Robertson colonoscopy.

However, if you’re looking for something that is simultaneously a piece of batshit holiday insanity and the Walker-est Texas-est Ranger-est episode of Walker, Texas Ranger ever, watch “The Children Of Halloween.” It opens with Norris scoffing at his black co-worker’s George Washington Carver costume. Walker is a Texas Ranger, but more than that, he’s an awful dickhead.

One scene of men in ape masks shooting machine guns at a convenience store for no reason later, and we get a touching montage of kids practicing martial arts that feels like it lasts two hours. One of those kids is abducted by a satanic cult, and Walker is dropped into a race against time to stop children from being sacrificed. How spooky is all of this? So spooky that the opening credits adopt a Tales From The Crypt font and show us a cemetery with a blue filter over it. Fucking boo.

Sony Pictures Television Distribution

That’s ultimate spooky.

Regardless, Walker has never met a problem he couldn’t quite easily resolve by beating it unconscious. In the nick of time, he literally flies onto the screen with a side-kick, and then breaks a Satan worshiper’s neck in front of a group of stunned children. He proceeds to kick an entire cult into submission and saves the day. Walker finishes the episode by drinking coffee in a bar while ignoring the women who hit on him, because as the theme song says, “That’s what a ranger’s gonna be.” Yep. Murder a bunch of strangers in front of elementary schoolers and never have sex, like, ever. It’s what a ranger’s gonna be. Who am I to argue?

Daniel has a spooky, scary Twitter.

The Simpsons Tree House of Horror Collection is objectively the greatest Halloween TV you’ll ever find on this Earth. Enjoy!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 6 Unnecessarily Horrifying Episodes Of Beloved Kids Shows and 5 Inexplicably Creepy Episodes of Family Friendly TV Shows.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out The Darkest Episode of an 80’s Sitcom Ever, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. Boo!

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/06/the-5-best-halloween-episodes-you-should-watch-tonight/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168246093102

[allofbeercom]

The 5 Best Halloween Episodes You Should Watch Tonight

Happy Halloween, everyone! How you choose to celebrate this most blessed of holidays is up to you. Some of you will drink pumpkin beer until you poop jack o’ lanterns, some of you will take your children trick-or-treating, and some of you will sit on the couch and absorb horror films. But if I can make a suggestion for that last group: In between your annual viewings of Halloween 4: The One Where Michael Myers’ Mask Looks Like Total Dogshit and Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: Not That Bad, Actually, consider watching some Halloween-themed TV episodes. Because while movies are great for frights, there are a few TV shows that actually capture the spirit of Halloween. For example …

5

The Office: “Employee Transfer”

The year is 2008. The place is every theater in the known world. The movie is The Dark Knight. And the thought that’s going through four billion heads simultaneously is “I know what I’m going to be for Halloween this year.”

Read Next

How The 'Last Of Us 2' Trailer Ruined A Sure Thing

On October 31, 2008, you couldn’t throw a Batarang without hitting someone dressed in a Heath Ledger Joker outfit. The simple act of going outside was an invitation for swarms of people in purple sweatpants to come up and ask you if you wanted to see a magic trick. Drama kids draped themselves in long wool coats and ventured into the cool autumn night, looking for prey to listen to their story about how they got their scars. Former frat bros lathered on white facepaint and sipped vodka red bulls as they mumbled through half-remembered things about “chaos” and “killing the Batman.” And the one guy dressed as Beetlejuice spent the whole evening correcting people.

It was like magic. Somewhere in Heath Ledger’s wonderful performance, the worst people you knew heard a dog whistle. A dog whistle which screeched “Annoy the fuck out of everyone you know and love.” The Office understood that this was going to happen, and that’s why “Employee Transfer” is so great.

Airing on October 30th, it was like a warning to the general public: Beware, for tomorrow your neighbors will turn on you, your children will betray you, and your roommates will spend six hours attempting to apply cheek prosthetics before giving up and just using a pound of lipstick. Any show that can accurately capture the frustration of existing in the same universe as the mob of Jokers before that day of frustration actually occurs is worth your attention.

“Employee Transfer” features some of Steve Carell’s best acting in the whole series, but it’s also a great parody of the time the Earth cancelled Halloween and replaced it with Jokerfest 2008. I’ll never forgive Christopher Nolan. Never.

4

The Spectacular Spider-Man: “The Uncertainty Principle”

It’s hard for superhero shows to do a good Halloween episode, and I think it’s because superheroes wear masks all the time, and a lot of the comedy from any Halloween episode comes from what the characters decide to dress up as. It’s really hard to properly dress up as anything when your main wardrobe is one bright color with a huge symbol on your chest. That’s why most superhero Halloween specials are just plain adventure stories. In The Batman episode “Grundy’s Night,” Clayface pretends to be unkillable zombie Solomon Grundy to better rob intolerable old rich people. It’s great. You should check it out.

Unsurprisingly, The Spectacular Spider-Man, the best superhero cartoon of all time, broke the mold a little bit and gave us a Halloween episode that’s a little more think-y. However, all this metaphorin’ doesn’t prevent the episode from having a fight between Green Goblin and Spider-Man which takes up the entire third act. That was probably the greatest strength of the show: being able to balance teen drama and deep reflection with radioactive boxing matches that usually lasted about seven glorious minutes.

While most interpretations of the Green Goblin never get past the whole “Curse you, Spider-Maaaaaan” section of their shtick, this Green Goblin is a playful, sadistic dick. He’s constantly asking Spider-Man to consider what “mask” is real — the mask that hides your face or the mask that is your face. This doesn’t just play into the mystery of who the Green Goblin is, but also deals with something that’s lacking in a lot of superhero shows that are made for kids: At what point does your human identity become the facade? The Green Goblin and Peter Parker aren’t opposites; they’re both freaks who only find respite and fulfillment when they wear their masks. Peter Parker is a bespectacled shell of a nerd. It’s only when he’s Spider-Man, quipping and punching with psychopathic consistency, that his actual mask gets taken off.

Anyway, Green Goblin (Norman Osborn) fakes a leg injury and then retreats back to his home. There, he finds his son passed out, breaks his own son’s fucking leg, and puts the Goblin costume on him. Then, when Spider-Man gets there, Norman is all like “We gotta get my son some help. He’s really sick. See, his leg is broken. He’s helpless. WINK.” So yeah, if you want to watch something with all the fun of a Marvel character and all the “Oh my god, no” of comic book child abuse, this is a good one. Jeez. Maybe you should’ve just gone to a costume party or something, y’all.

3

Any Roseanne Halloween Episode

If you grew up in a small town like I did, you know that Halloweens are a gamble. You’ll get to go trick-or-treating, but only if your parents are down to drive you to a more populated place that supports such an activity. Otherwise you’re just trudging in a ditch down a lonely country road, hoping that a passing car doesn’t hit you and ruin your Dollar Store Wolfman mask and spill all of your candy. And when you age out of that, you go to a local haunted maze, which never fails to be out in the middle of nowhere. There, you watch theatrical rednecks rev chainsaws, wave severed prop heads, and ignore copyright infringements. In North Carolina, you don’t legally reach puberty until you’ve held someone’s hand through the Hacker House. It’s the law.

One of the draws of the sitcom Roseanne was that it was about a lower-middle-class family. So many sitcoms were based around how cool it would be to have friends in New York City, or how great it would be if you could shove a dozen family members into the same piece of prime San Francisco real estate. But Roseanne was hunkered down in the suburbs. The main set looked like it had been cobbled together from a thrift store’s going-out-of-business sale, the costumes were from a Fashion Bug clearance rack, and the family was loud and loving, just like mine.

Except on Halloween.

The Halloween episodes of Roseanne are things of sitcom legend. Barely having anything to do with the show itself, the Halloween episodes would go all out and present an alternate Roseanne reality where the family could suddenly afford elaborate costumes and expensive makeup. Halloween was the biggest day of the year (as it should be in all worlds, fictional or otherwise), and the usual relaxed pace of a Roseanne episode was replaced by a frantic joke parade. And for me, it was pure wish fulfillment.

You wanted to have a Roseanne Halloween. A Halloween where you could buy that expensive costume that you saw at the mall and run around and play pranks on everyone. A Halloween where you could go trick-or-treating with your friends, because most houses were less than a quarter of a mile from each other. A Halloween where everyone, adults included, understood how important Halloween was to you.

The Halloweens I experienced as a kid were fucking wonderful. But just once, I wanted a Roseanne Halloween.

2

How I Met Your Mother: “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns”

I moved from North Carolina to NYC, because it’s the true path of an artist to be miserable in a small town and then move to a large town where you’re only mostly miserable. And it’s there that I learned that you will see most of the people you know maybe once every few months. It’s just hard to hang out with people. Sure, a subway system connects the whole city, but deciding to use it is flipping the coin on whether a particular train works that day or not. So you’ll go a long time without seeing someone important to you. “Oh, I remember you! You were at that thing in 1988! New Jersey now, huh?”

The How I Met Your Mother Halloween episode “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns” gets that more than most NYC-based sitcoms. In it, human sweater vest Ted Mosby finally meets up with a girl that he saw at a Halloween party years earlier. She’d been dressed as a pumpkin, and as he did with most things with a pulse, he fell in love with her. But now, upon meeting her and dating her, he finds that they have absolutely no spark. Sitcoms, right? One minute you’re in a zany situation, the next you’re finding out that you’ve spent the last ten years pining after a lie. Laugh track!

Halloween in a big city is weird. On one hand, you want to explore what it has to offer, but it’s easy to get discouraged by the fact that you know that something like “HALLOWEEN PARTY FEATURING DJ QUANTUM. HALF-OFF SHOTS. PEOPLE IN COSTUMES GET A FREE PUMPKIN TEQUILA ENEMA” will attract roughly 30,000 people. So you go to parties, where you make friends you don’t see again for eight years. And so your big-city circle of friends becomes a mix of a core group you hang out with constantly and people you see once a decade. It’s kind of nice, especially in a sea of sitcoms that portray NYC as a place where you apparently can teleport from borough to borough, never having to worry about petty things like time or physics.

1

Walker, Texas Ranger: “The Children Of Halloween”

I don’t blame you if you don’t want to watch Walker, Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris is a pretty cartoonish figure in pop culture, but most episodes of Walker are a slog. Chuck kicks some criminals, administers a moral lesson, and talks down to everyone. Chuck Norris is judge, jury, executioner, God, Jesus, and Shakespeare in Walker, Texas Ranger. Somehow, Chuck Norris made a show about roundhouse kicks into something as boring as a Pat Robertson colonoscopy.

However, if you’re looking for something that is simultaneously a piece of batshit holiday insanity and the Walker-est Texas-est Ranger-est episode of Walker, Texas Ranger ever, watch “The Children Of Halloween.” It opens with Norris scoffing at his black co-worker’s George Washington Carver costume. Walker is a Texas Ranger, but more than that, he’s an awful dickhead.

One scene of men in ape masks shooting machine guns at a convenience store for no reason later, and we get a touching montage of kids practicing martial arts that feels like it lasts two hours. One of those kids is abducted by a satanic cult, and Walker is dropped into a race against time to stop children from being sacrificed. How spooky is all of this? So spooky that the opening credits adopt a Tales From The Crypt font and show us a cemetery with a blue filter over it. Fucking boo.

Sony Pictures Television Distribution

That’s ultimate spooky.

Regardless, Walker has never met a problem he couldn’t quite easily resolve by beating it unconscious. In the nick of time, he literally flies onto the screen with a side-kick, and then breaks a Satan worshiper’s neck in front of a group of stunned children. He proceeds to kick an entire cult into submission and saves the day. Walker finishes the episode by drinking coffee in a bar while ignoring the women who hit on him, because as the theme song says, “That’s what a ranger’s gonna be.” Yep. Murder a bunch of strangers in front of elementary schoolers and never have sex, like, ever. It’s what a ranger’s gonna be. Who am I to argue?

Daniel has a spooky, scary Twitter.

The Simpsons Tree House of Horror Collection is objectively the greatest Halloween TV you’ll ever find on this Earth. Enjoy!

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/06/the-5-best-halloween-episodes-you-should-watch-tonight/