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imarawbu · 4 months

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So I again got very close to telling people about what is going on.

I thought about restarting my writing, like I do here, where I used to do, on Facebook back after my first marriage. I was going to post but deleted what I wrote as I have stopped using Facebook except occasionally and most of the people I knew and who were reading and responding back then also aren't using Facebook as much I think either. I also don't want to have to go through and explain everything and I go back to the same problem of why I telling people so I can also tell them not to say anything, and all the drama this will create behind the scenes- plus the possibility someone will say something and my husband will hear about it.

I also don't feel comfortable revealing stuff about myself to people who know me as I do create an image of what I want people to think and see me as, most of the people who interacted and who I let read the stuff I posted were not friends I knew in real life, as I didn't have friends much and they weren't my Facebook yet. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with having people that know me read stuff that I write here. I also have been reliving and dealing with the trauma from my first marriage and I don't really want people who knew me during that time after to know what I was still doing and everyone will get upset that I sound like I'm hung up on my ex.

In other things, today I took my daughter to the library for a petting zoo type thing. She wasn't sure of all the animals but it was good for her to get out and see people. I however ended up with a severe sinus headache because my sinuses are still somewhat blocked and I was wearing a hijab that squeezed my head too tight.

Ramadan is supposed to be tomorrow and it's giving me anxiety because I am going to fast and hope I am able to stop breastfeeding finally. I'm scared this inability to lose weight is not breastfeeding related but just permanently how my body is now. I also don't know how my daughter is going to deal when she's no longer able to breastfeed as it is a huge comfort thing for her and maybe a frequent snack. She nurses just as much as she did when we were told she's was under weight and to nurse her every two hours at 3 months. She also eats 4-5 meals a day, since she's one, her primary nutrition shouldn't come from nursing anyways.

I know I'm going to be expected to make large dishes, even though I will be fasting, taking care of a toddler, and working full time. I'm not sure how that will play out, probably not good. Already tomorrow my husband wants to invite F to the house. They were planning to go to a restaurant but if us wives are coming, my husband thought it would be better to do it here since we don't know how my daughter will do. I don't want to do it here because I don't want to spend 3 hours cooking, plus now I have to clean the house which I didn't want to do, I am also still sick and it might be helpful to let me rest more and get better, but he's not been willing to do anything other than maybe let me have a nap after work on occasion. As of now, there is still no definite plans to meet tomorrow, as he's not responding to anything. I hope it ends up being just them or nothing at all. I had a feeling that I was going to run into someone if we were to that restaurant. I had the same feeling before I managed to see my ex at that grocery store. I'd rather not have a repeat or see his family there. But, maybe, I'm beginning to think it might help in dealing with the trauma since nothing else is working. Either way, I still would not like to not run into any of them, ever.

My husband met with his best friend today, they have been meeting more frequently again because his best friend's wife is staying with her mother most of the time because the mother had surgery. Today they did some personal talking, my husband frequently has tried to find out about their relationship, as I have mentioned before. Apparently he's glad he's got me because he found out stuff or inferred stuff like she doesn't cook much, either he cooks or they eat out. That she still doesn't have a job and spends most of her days sleeping (she had graduated shortly before they got married and she has been supposed to be looking for jobs). Other weirdly specific things that I'm not going into. It's interesting to me how they have been friends for so long and lived so closely with each other that he doesn't share relationship type stuff with my husband, my husband, according to him, doesn't share stuff about us to anyone either but he talked about friends relationships with them so idk. His friend only told him stuff when things were very bad and the wedding almost got called off last year. According to my husband they've never shared stuff with each other when it comes to serious relationships. They have been roommates for over ten years, thought most of college, working in their home country, through their masters, and until my husband got married, their jobs here in the US. When we were seeing each other, he would sneak me into the apartment and there were a few times we got caught when his best friend came back from wherever. Supposedly, this was never discussed because of the serious relationships thing, which I kind of doubt. But idk I don't know his best friend that well, they always talk in their language and I don't talk to men much or people I don't know well.y husband wasn't a fan of their marriage because their personalities are so different and while they are the same ethnicity, she was raised here and he wasn't so there are some major differences when it comes to a lot of things. But my husband's default seems to always assume peoples marriages are worse than they are as he's mentioned the same thing he thinks with several of my friends. To me thins type of thing is too much drama for me and I just want to stay out of it but he keeps telling me things I don't need to know.

I remember when I was at the point of no return in my first marriage, we had nothing to talk about with each other- well I had nothing to talk about with him, he always had his weird conspiracy stuff to talk to me about. We did nothing much together but honestly we lived in a trailer and there wasn't a way to do different activities the way there is in a house. We watch movies together. Lots of similarities. He put me through hell when I was sick or just didn't care. I guess I just find it sad that I never experienced or have enjoyed actual love in my life, and probably never will. That sounds so much like an angry teenager, but in this case it's true. It's also ironic that I always said as a kid that I would never get married because I didn't want to be like my parents or worse, be in an abusive relationship. Then my first relationship was running away when I was barely an adult and getting married to someone I knew for 3 months, who was 11 years older than me- and later became very abusive. Then two years later got married again after knowing the guy 5 months, 7 years ago difference, and the relationship is less abusive than the first, it's still abusive, and more like my parents' relationship since I decided to bring a kid into this.

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ass-sassafras · 10 months

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Let me tell you, as someone who sort of accidentally got physically healthy. I do most if not all the things doctors tell you to do just to get you to go away and so they can blame your symptoms on you.

I lost that extra 50 pounds (granted because of the stress of the divorce and the fact that sugar is a migraine trigger), I take my vitamins, I try to avoid processed food, I eat a lot of grass fed meat and I like veggies, I drink mostly water and I have ACV weekly, I drink coffee but with heavy cream and no sugar, I move and stretch, I get enough sunlight and try to get enough sleep. I practice intermittent fasting to save money and time and so I can cook all my own meals.

I still want to kill myself, I still get nasty sinus headaches a lot, my body still aches for no reason, I still can't deal with stress in a healthy way, I still get anxious all the time to the point that I can't function. I'm still way more tired than I should be. The world sucks and our bodies don't fail us because we fucked up or because we're lazy. Shit just happens.

I work toward a better future for myself by learning self-sufficiency, becoming less reliant on people and products by making my own stuff and getting stuff done like laser eye surgery. I strive to not need anyone or anything, but I don't see a future for myself. The world and the people in it have only ever caused me pain.

So yeah, there's stuff you can do to try to improve how you feel, but that doesn't mean it's your fault that you feel sore all the time, not your fault that you can't make yourself happy. Not your fault if you were born into a body that doesn't feel like the right one.

At this point I'm rambling, but please let the takeaway be that you're a good person, it's not all in your head and no it's not all your fault. Losing weight and eating healthy is good but it isn't magic.

#advice #tw suicide

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beezelbubbles · 10 months

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I've been sleeping for two days. It's largely sinus gunk, but today I've started coughing up gunk. and the headaches. Not fun. Wear your masks, kids. People are popping up positive left and right. This one is contagious contagious.

If you do start feeling sick, pick up supplies. You are not going to feel like cooking. I made a big thing of soup when I was still good. Instead of putting it away in one big container, I realized none of us were really doing meal times, and so I put it up in individual servings. We also picked up cup noodles, which have the added benefit of not making dishes we need to wash. Also grab whatever drinks you like. We've got a bunch of lemonade. I'm also just drinking a ton of water. Staying hydrated keeps the mucus thin and easier to deal with.

Also make sure you've got plenty of tissues and decongestant. If you're taking stuff with acetaminophen, be very aware of your doses. It's a pain but I try not to grab those all in ones. Plain Mucinex and ibuprofen. The more control you have over exactly what you are taking the better. Text yourself or a friend when you take your meds so you can see the last time. Set a timer for when you need to take it again. Do not forget to take your regular meds. If you have asthma, now is not the time to forget your inhaler. Albuterol usage is linked to slightly better outcomes because it keeps your lungs clear. For everyone else, coffee is a bronchodilator. That means it helps open up your lungs. I personally think it works better when it's hot. Keep taking your temperature. If you can get ahold of an oximeter, get one. Amazon has them for cheap. Keep an eye on your O2 levels.

#covid #covid diaries

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rowingupstream · 1 year

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Fanfiction as a barometer for chronic pain.

I have been dealing with chronic pain - by which I mean gaslighting myself into pretending it is not there so I can get through the day - for so many years that most of the time I don't realize I'm in pain. Instead I'm "feeling lazy" (by whoch I mean my muscles deel like limp noidles and I can barely stay awake) and "really grumpy" (can't think or communicate effectively so I just stsy away from people) and I "hate everything". And when I feel like that, there are lots of things that could be wrong - Sinus headache. Vision problems. Digestive issues. Pain. Since I generally can't tell what is wrong I have to go through everything to figure out where the issue is and how to fix it. Drink a glass of water. Did that fix it? If no, put iln eyedrops. If that didn't work, put on warmer clothes and gloves. And so on. There are over 30 things I regularly try since I am so horrifically bad at figuring out what is wrong with me.

But there is one blindingly obvious symptom that points to a specific problem.

When I want to read fic about people hurting - especially heavy bdsm stuff, although sometimes I'll be more in the mood for emotional whump or frustrated humiliation- that means there is an exceedingly good chance I'm in pain due to inflamed joints, and my first stop should be pain killers / anti-inflammatoriesn or a hot bath.

I don't know why it works like that - I'm quite baffled by it, honestly. Is it "reading about people being in pain but really liking it helps me think of my own pain as something I could enjoy"? Or "the overlap between my own pain and the pain in the story really resonates so I get that endorphin rush that works as a natural pain killer"? Or maybe "they are in worse pain than me so my own seems less in comparison so I feel better about myself"? Or perhaps some fourth reason I haven't even thought of yet?

Anyhow, pain = desire to read whump for me. And with that I am off to get an ibuprofen since I am in that kind of mood and I just caught myself bemoaning that all my bookmarked fics that updated today are cheerful and no one is going for the whump I really really want to read right now.

Bet you I'll be feeling better soon and will end up being more functional and productive in the next two hours than I was the rest of today.

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eurofox · 2 years

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Modern medicine in the west has a dark history and still has problems, including accessibility, but it's amazing when I think about it.

On a basic level, I can have a horrible headache/period cramps, take one tablet, and I'm fine. For the most part of human history I'd just have to deal with it while toiling.

Women have kids and don't go in with the real sense that they could die, or expect to lose several children in their infant years to disease. Like it still happens, but it's treated as a rare tragedy. Walking around an old graveyard in my town and a lot of women died in their 20s and 30s.

Illnesses that used to be a death sentence are curable or have treatment options to extend lifespans. An infected cut or bad bout of diarrhoea is unlikely to kill people. My sister got a tiny cut from playing barefoot outside which became infected, led to sepsis and needing emergency treatment. A knew a man who had a sinus infection spread to his brain and need medical/surgical intervention which included having his skull cracked open to drain away pus and he's alive to tell the tale.

I suffered a head injury and my wound was stitched up so well I barely have a scar.

Juvenile arthritis treatment is something that has improved hugely in a short time. A lot used to need canes and wheelchairs but the kids we're seeing today with new treatments don't have the same need.

All this and you get people attacking healthcare workers (most often A+E and ambulances), nearly killing themselves/their kids by trying to cure themselves with essential oils or some herbal bullshit because big pharma or bragging about never taking a painkillers or having the most 'natural childbirth'.

There are many issues, but it is mind blowing how far stuff has developed.

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thedevillionaire · 3 years

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Illusionary

Cerberus, Kia, domestic bedroom snz scene with a little magic, little romance? Hmm, yeah, sounds like me. 😏 --- Wrapped in a full-length darkest burgundy dressing robe, feeling somewhat refreshed but still more than a little coldhazy, Cerberus emerges post-shower to the sight of Kia, changed from her earlier black velvet bodice and jeans into a burnished deep gold satin negligee, lying on her stomach across the bed, head resting on her hands, attention fixed on the Testing papers in front of her. He pauses at the threshold, leans against the door frame to simply look at her awhile, silently enraptured, a soft smile on his face.

:Just so you know, babe,: Mindsends Kia, keeping her eyes on the papers, :it’s not possible for you to enter a room and not be noticed.: She glances back over her shoulder at him and grins wickedly. “You’d be a terrible spy.”

Cerberus chuckles, walking over to settle beside her on the bed. “Hard to argue given the circumstances, I suppose.” He toys with her hair, looking down at the papers. “Which Level are you applying for?” A light sniffle, and he frowns slightly, rubs his nose against an irritation rising anew.

“6.” Kia sighs. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I can get that, but…I don’t know, I’m not…evenly skilled across the options or something.” She rolls over to sit up, cross-legged. “There’s a bunch of stuff I can do really well, and some other stuff I’m…just not very good at, I guess.” She gives him a rueful smile. “But I think if I maybe…”

“What is it you’re not sure of?” Cerberus reaches across her and picks up the papers, flicking through them as he moves to sit leaning back against the bedhead, rearranging the array of pillows and cushions to suit. Another sniffle, more sharply this time and he recognises the battle as lost, his focus dissolving captive to undeniable need, and he turns from Kia in surrender to an adversary already his conqueror many times over today. “HHAHTSSCCHU! Damn it, I swear Healing deal in placebos. Comple…ehh-HH ..completely…hh… Ahh-HEHTSSCH-uu!” He sniffles again and fixes Kia with a look conveying irrefutable vindication, raises an eyebrow. “*snf!*Hm? As evidenced. Completely ineffectual,” he states with authority, and takes several tissues from the box on the bedside. “Excuse me a mome… hh-HH... Oh, for f… HHAHTSSCCHU! Ah, gods. *SNF!* Pardon me, love.” He blows his nose in an attempt to stop any further irritation, at least in the short term, though he holds very little faith in that regard, and incinerates the tissues in a flashblaze of aetherfire.

“Bless you, sweetheart,” Kia says, gently strokes his forearm. “I’m fairly sure the meds have helped a bit, though,” she suggests. “Compared to earlier, at least.”

“Oh, well, yes, I’m sure I’ve had at least ten minutes respite here and there,” mutters Cerberus sardonically, though he concedes to his bonded’s wry smirk quickly enough, places a kiss on her forehead. “Ah, I’m sorry, darkling. It’s just that as a rule, I’m rather fond of breathing.” Resting back against the pillows once more, he sighs again, absently rubs his nose, and returns his attention to the papers, making a quiet hum of thought as he flicks through them, in consideration.

“Sweetheart?” Kia, curious, shuffles up along the bed a little more to kneel beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, trying to read what he was reading. “What are you doing?”

Cerberus points to the skillset of Illusion, listed as a subcategory within Hypnotics, several thick and emphatic lines scrawled beneath it. “This is underlined because…?”

Kia scoffed. “Because I suck at it,” she says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I mean, I can do the basics, but…” She looks up at him, nestling into him, trailing absent patterns across his chest with her fingers. “It’s just…it’s like…you have to sort of direct what someone else sees, so it’s…putting your images into their eyes without actually seeingthrough their eyes, so you don’t know if it’s actually working, you just kind of have to hope for it, and I can’t figure out when it is working so then I get distracted and the whole thing pretty much falls apart.”

“It’s a skill Demonics covers as well.” Cerberus kisses the top of her head, draping an arm across her as he drops the papers in his lap.

Kia stares at him, taken aback. “You can do this?!”

“Well, I don’t use it widely, nor is it my forte, but…”

“Oh, oh, oh! Want to take my Test for me?” Kia gives him a playful entreating look. “Just, I don’t know, shapeshift or something. Is that a thing? You can do that, right? I’ll let you wear whatever you like. Oh my god, I bet you’d be super-hot as me.”

Cerberus collapses into laughter, and she laughs with him, her heart warming as it always does when he loses himself to delight, and particularly now, with him unwell. She repositions herself to settle beside him, kissing him tenderly as she does so, and picks up the papers in one hand, resting her other hand on his thigh. “Alright, alright, okay, I know. I’ll take my own stupid Test. It’s mostly Vampirism specific, anyway. But still…” A devilish grin darts across her face and she bats her eyelashes at him with exaggerated flirtation. :Super-hot.:

Smiling, Cerberus looks down and shakes his head in an ill-advised move that brings about yet another stark reminder of the throbbing sinus headache he’s only just managed to almost forget. He winces slightly and does his best to ignore it. Claiming the honeyed tea from the bedside tray, he reheats it with a touch, and takes a sip. “Well, darkling,” he says, “perhaps not quite that, um…absolute, but I certainly owe you any favours I can offer at this point, so if you’ll allow me—” He kisses her forehead. “—to revisit a request that you once asked of me… Drop your Protect.”

Kia’s eyes widen and she looks up at him, confused, curious. “Why? Do you even need me to?”

“No, love, technically I don’t. But I’d prefer to have your consent, if you’ll give it.”

“For what? I mean, sure, of course, babe, but…”

And then Kia loses her words, struck voiceless, astonished, and reaches her hand out to feel for a bed that is no longer there, finding instead only the soft moss and verdure of a rainforest glade, the gentle sensation of vivid greenery under her touch; lush, thick and rampant plantlife above her, beneath her, beside her, in sensory undeniability. She turns rapidly, looking everywhere around her, unable to comprehend what’s happening even as the very atmosphere changes, the dark, thick, wet scent of fernery, pines, rich soils, and peat surrounding her, immersive and entirely real, solid, incontrovertible. The sky darkens to gunmetal greyblue, stormclouded and windswept, and the crash of distant thunder seems to vibrate the air itself. Sky? But there can’t be sky. Where’s the…where’s the ceiling? What…

“Honey?” she asks, questioning, her own voice feeling like a foreignness, seeking her love who isn’t where he had been mere seconds ago, and she runs her hand along the bark of a nearby tree, one of several, the texture rough and actual, definite. She pushes it, pushes harder; it does not yield. The thunder echoes again, muted but resonant, a certainty, and the heavy cloudcover darkens with it, bringing further shadow to the dell. Shifting her position and reaching for familiarity does nothing to transform the verdant rolling hills back into the furniture she knows so well – oak and cast iron and ornate fabric lost to, consumed by, this wilderness she’s breathing. The landscape stretches out endless and impossibly vast; bedroom walls stay invisible, dissolved. There are no hard angles. No corners. Thunder once more but softer, as if moving away. Wisps of phosphorescence dartdance across thickets and brush, phantasmal. She curls her toes against some lichen at her feet.

:Know this, love,: Cerberus Mindsends almost as if in echo, in memory, to the bone, and Kia spins around to face him, seated beside her but on the opposite side to where she last saw him, dressed as if for a fog-covered moorside in a thick cable-knit sweater and fleecelined suede coat, which she knows is not possible this is not possible it cannot be possible how can he do this how can anyone oh my god definitely not reality but still the only tangible perception she can make, and she isn’t at all sure she can speak to him and she tries to see what she knows to be real, where she knows she must be sitting, but she simply can’t, and she plucks a honeysuckle flower off a nearby creeping vine that has to be fictitious and yet it somehow isn’t, marvelling as she turns it over in her hands, touching its petals, breathing its sweet perfume.

“You’re extraordinary,” she whispers, tears in her eyes.

:Close your eyes a moment, darkling, and immerse. Remember this. Understand this.:

And feeling the reassuring touch of his hand on hers, she closes her eyes as requested, reopening them after just a brief time to see again the bedroom that she’d logically known she’d never left, only then consciously recognising that he could not have taken her hand in that way from where she’d thought she’d seen him last, and she gazes up at him, open-mouthed in astonishment, for the shortest of moments before reaching up to trace her fingers along the contours of his face, almost as if to confirm his existence. “How are you even…” she murmurs in wonder, before calling herself back to reality somewhat.

She takes a moment to rebalance, breathes deeply, recentering. “Okay.” She exhales slowly. “Alright. Okay, that was…wow, that was completely amazing and… I love you but that was… If that’s what I’m meant to do… I mean, I could feel it. I held a flower. Fuck, babe. I have enough trouble even getting an image to form. A single image. You…you made a world. There’s no way I can do that.”

“You most certainly can, love,” counters Cerberus, “and, in fact, will. Should bring you up to a Level 8 grading, I’d imagine.” He presses his index finger then the back of his hand against his nose, frowning a little at a building itch, sniffling. “Excuse me. You just, um…recall the memory, enter in and redirect, adjusting for context. You’ll only be working with mortal capacity for resistance, also, if I recall the Vampirism protocol for this sort of thing correctly, so it sh…should be…” His breath hitches, the returning urgency stealing his sentence; he excuses himself with haste and turns from Kia, succumbing desperate, heavy, absolute. “AhhHEHTSSCHuu!”

“Bless you!”

He raises an index finger and gives the briefest shake of his head, brow creased, and frozen in thrall to the crescendo of oncoming need; he takes an imposed moment, expectant, and another, inhaling shallow scissored twice and over, then deep, deeper still.

And again.

“hh-HH… Hh-TSSCHhuu!”

And oh he does not want to concede, but again.

“HMPTch! HHKTchu!” His attempt at resistance proves no contest against the still insistent, overwhelming tickle, and he gives over completely this time, abandoning any further fight. “Hh-TSSCH-uu! ah-hh… AHHTSSCHUU! Ah, gods.”

Kia’s own breath comes a touch uncertain too as she purrs a honeytoned, “Bless you, sweetheart.”

Cerberus exhales tiredly, pushes silken ebony disorder back from his face with one hand while claiming several tissues with the other. “Thanks, love,” he murmurs, adding a sotto voce curse or two about the entire situation. “Pardon me.” He blows his nose, a little more gingerly now, sniffles again and sighs, repeats the process. Ridiculous.

A thought suddenly occurs to Kia that piques her interest far too much to not to ask it. “So, um…what would have happened if you’d sneezed during that whole…you know, ‘the bedroom is a forest now’ performance?”

Cerberus wipes his nose a final time before vaporising the latest used tissue collection. He chuckles quietly, clears his throat. “You’d best tell me, I think.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t, though. I would have…” Kia breaks off, examines her beloved’s expression with wary sidelong glance, considering whether there was any chance of...

No. With a faint scoff, she rejects the possibility, positive, confident. “No, you did not. There’s no way I don’t hear that.”

“If you say so, love.”

She frowns. “You’re right here. I am next to you in the bed.”

“Yes, it’s wonderful.” He flashes her a candid, disarming smile. “My favourite thing.”

Laughing, Kia pushes him in play. “Well, mine too, sweetheart, but that’s not what I meant and you know it,” she says before returning to her point. “You did not sneeze during that, though. No way. It just isn’t… Nope. You’re teasing me.”

“Well.” Cerberus once again brings newly steaming heat to the cup of tea with a touch, the very slightest of smiles crossing his face. “I admit that thunder is rather a cliché, but I didn’t have a great deal of time to consider intricacy of plot.”

“You di… But…” Kia stares at him in complete bafflement. “How?!”

“Illusion, darkling.” He stretches an idle arm across her shoulders, presses a kiss to her temple. “This is how it works.”

“Are you serious?!” Kia shakes her head in amazement. “God, do I even know what reality is?!” She gives a half laugh of incredulity, simultaneously astounded and utterly unsurprised at the variety of skills her beloved seems able to just call to command at will. “Okay, okay, and…so now because you…set me up, is that right, I can just, what, do that now? Oh. Ohh, whoa now, wait a second. Hang on.” She gives him a sly look, comprehension dawning. “Did you just do my homework for me?”

Cerberus laughs softly, a little darkly. “Consider it a crash course. Anyway, I know that you are in fact highly skilled in…not unrelated areas. I certainly know you can direct events. Your truly…outstanding talent with Immerse and Possess proves it. I suspect you just weren’t sure where to begin in this case.” He gives her a gentle smile. “You have an advantage, love. You should use it.”

Kia smiles back. “Oh, I’ll use you alright. I mean, use it.” She winks, laughing again. “I liked your mountain man look, by the way. Do you even have a cable-knit sweater?"

Cerberus raises an eyebrow. "What? You dressed me in a sweater?"

“I dressed you? What?"

“My direction only goes so far, darkling. Illusion involves a great deal of obfuscation, but it’s not a complete taking over. Some parts of it are nothing more than guidance, suggestions. And certain aspects are – I assure you – entirely of your own creation." He looks at her in nonplussed bemusement. “Really? Cable knit?”

“Navy blue, with a tan suede jacket,” Kia specifies with haughty precision before dissolving into laughter anew and doubly at the expression on his face. "I guess that’s what you get for setting everything in a forest. Come on, I was thematically accurate, at least.” She wipes away tears of laughter before meeting his gaze with conviction, points at him as if delivering an unarguable truth. “You looked hot as fuck, incidentally."

“I feel I’ve learnt something entirely new about you tonight,” Cerberus remarks, smiling briefly at her before suddenly turning away again, a couplet of fierce, unstoppable sneezes almost catching him unprepared absolutely, and he apologises with haste. “Hh-TSSCHH-uu! Ah-TSSCHH-uu! Goddamn it. *snf!* I have had more than entirely enough of this.” He sharply pulls another pair of tissues from the box, blows his nose again, immolates them afterwards with a burst of flame rather more emphatic than required.

“Aw, bless you, hon.” Kia tuts softly, strokes his hair back from his eyes, moves to sit across his lap, facing him. She traces a finely manicured nail down his neck, across his shoulder. “You know,” she nearwhispers, her tone softly teasing, “it wouldn’t kill you to wear a sweater once in a while.”

“I’m really not…”

Kia leans closer, purrs as if sharing the wickedest of secrets. “Denim jeans too.”

:Gods, love, who are you?: Cerberus Mindsends in shadowsnarl as he wraps a strong arm around his bonded and draws them together, claiming her mouth and kissing her with fire palpable.

:You know me, sweetheart.: With deft touch and feline grace, slightest shrug, Kia allows her negligee to smoothly fall away, returning her beloved’s kiss perfervid, wanting, infusing her reciprocal Mindsend with the same.

:Your favourite thing.:

----

#supernatural soap opera #cerberus #kia #cerbia #snzfic #sneeze fic #he will never wear denim jeans nope never not gonna happen #the sweater's not completely out of the question though #my writing #my OCs

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bluebandedagate · 2 years

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Hey there! I noticed you complaining of headache? In my experience that's usually a pressure problem, and clearing your sinuses (steam, blowing your nose a *lot*, and making sure you both get enough both water and enough other stuff that you can absorb it) can help a lot. That should deal with sinus-based headaches and also orthostatic hypotension. The other thing that might help is a good neckrub; sometimes headpain is due to neck-and-shoulder tension.

Thank you, concerned internet stranger. You don't even know me and yet you offered me advice for my headache. I appreciate it.

#something something there's good in this world mr frodo #headache

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star-ting-over · 3 years

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Fic : A night on the Resolute

The wounds from Umbara were still fresh, and Rex wasn’t going to get any sleep. Instead, he paces the halls and finds everything, and nothing has changed.

Also on AO3

Dogma was snoring again. Rex glanced over at his brother, face down, passed out from exhaustion on the sparing floor matt that was serving as his bed against the wall of Rex’s cabin. Dogma didn’t sleep much these days, but when he did, he snored. Like a Gundark with a sinus infection. Rex honesty wasn’t aware that a trooper could make a noise like that before Dogma had taken up residence on his floor. Rex didn’t think Jesse would follow through with his half-hysterical threat of stabbing Dogma in his sleep, but he had the younger clone bunking with him just in case. If anything, it prevented another fight in the barracks, Tup apparently more than willing to jump to Dogma defence with his fists at the slightest provocation. There was an angry, aggressive streak in Tup that hadn’t been there before Umbara. Or maybe it had, and Rex just hadn’t noticed.

Rex dug the heels of his hand into his eyes as he sat up. He wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. Swinging he feet over the side of his bunk, he rose as silently as he could so as not to wake his sleeping brother and headed for the door. Stepping out into the corridor, more people were milling around than he would have expected. Then again no one on the Resolute was getting much sleep at the moment and clones, by nature or by training, did not like to spend much time sitting still. Rex paused briefly to consider what his men might make of their captain pacing the halls in the dead of night in nothing but his blacks before quickly deciding that he couldn’t bring himself to care.

His first port of call was the med bay. It was trip Rex made after every campaign, but there was always something jarring about how the casualty numbers matched up with the brother on the beds. 300 injured didn’t seem real until you saw your men lined up on gurneys against the wall waiting for the medics to clear a bed for them. Kix always complained, with Rex privately agreeing, that if it were up to him, every member of GAR command should be dragged into the Medbay after a hard campaign to tell the medics and injured brother to their faces that a Venator, with a complement of 3,000 only needed 40 bacta tanks. If General Kenobi had managed to source 30 extra each for The Negotiator and The Resolute, Rex wouldn’t mention it.

Umbara had, by all metrics, been a hard campaign. Kix’s tired face and tight smile gave him all the information he needed to know. It could have been a lot worse, but it was worse than they could have imagined. Glancing over at the rows of occupied beds, his eye was drawn to Skipper, the lightsabre burns across his chest that should have killed him and the look in his eyes that said it might as well have done. That was enough of the Med bay for one night.

Back out in the corridor, Rex decided that if he weren’t going to sleep, he could a least be somewhat productive. As with any catastrophic, traumatising incident, Umbra had generated a lot of paperwork, most of which Rex had neglected to deal with partly out of spite but mostly out of exhaustion. No one had chased him for it yet, but it was only a matter of time. It wasn’t going to complete itself, so Rex headed towards mission control.

Expecting to find the room empty, be paused in the doorway at the sight of General Skywalker stood in front of the holo-transmitter, the flickering blue backs of General Windu and General Kenobi between them. Rex was all for turning and leaving, but General Skywalker had seen him, a subtle beckon dragging Rex into the room. Rex loitered just out of the holo-projector range as his General said his goodbye to the two Masters. He didn’t need to be a Jedi to sense the sombre mood that the conversation had left in the room; he could guess what they had been discussing. How many times had Rex stood in this spot late at night, listening to the best-laid plans of the Jedi? Old wisdom said that no plan withstood contact with the enemy and that was true even for Jedi, but until recently Rex had never had any reason to doubt that the General’s plan, any General’s plan, was the best one available. But now it was like a shadow had been thrown over everything. It wasn’t fair; Rex knew that. General Skywalker may be reckless, but he wasn’t malicious, he didn’t lead his men to their deaths deliberately.

As the projector shut off, the General turned to him. The flicker of the generals’ eyes made Rex suddenly very aware that he wasn’t in his armour. He suddenly felt vulnerable, exposed. He had never felt this way before, but it wasn’t hard to figure out what had changed. Up until very recently, Rex hadn’t had a reason to feel vulnerable in the presence of a Jedi. Something in General Skywalers expression closed off, and Rex wondered precisely how much of what he felt was being communicated through the force.

“How’s Jesse doing?” the General changed the topic of a conversation they weren’t even having.

Jesse had held it together well on Umbara, as calm and competent as always, but almost as soon as he set foot on the Resolute, it was like it caught up to him at once. Rex wouldn’t call it a breakdown. Clones didn’t have break downs. Right? Right. Rex wasn’t sure what he would call it. He wouldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t eat. His hands shook so hard Rex wasn’t sure he could still hold a blaster. Kix said he was having nightmares about the firing squad. Nearly being executed was bound to mess you up. It had messed Jesse up at least, Fives seemed fine, at least as far as Rex could see.

Kix was doing his best to help Jesse where he could. The seemed that it was the sight of Dogma seemed to be what set him off more than anything, and it wasn’t like Rex didn’t understand why. Everyone understood why. Even Dogma who since his rather miraculous, if temporary, reprieve had turned out to be surprisingly good at making himself scarce at least until it came time to sleep. He hadn’t even taken four steps into the barracks, a full hour after lights out, before trouble had reared its head. In the interests of a concise incident report, it was summarised as Jesse had lost it on Dogma, Tups had swung at Jesse, Fives tackled Tup, Kix had set Jesse’s broken nose and Rex had one more headache to contend with. Rex didn’t see any need to mention the tears that had streamed down Jesse’s face, the calm oddly detached look on Dogma’s face as Jesse threatened to kill him or the feral, deranged glint in Tups eyes as Fives pinned him down.

“Getting there, sir” Rex had no idea if that was true. He and never seen anything like this before. The General nodded, face grim. He opened his mouth to say something before thinking better of it and turned towards the monitor against the far wall. Whatever he was about to say, he didn’t want to be looking at Rex for.

“The trooper who shot Krell…” Rex suppressed a wince. He didn’t like hearing that name in his own mind.

“Dogma” Rex interjected quickly. It might have come out a little sharper than he intended.

“Right, Dogma,” Skywalker gave him a long look out of the corner of his eye. “Dogma has been summoned by the Jedi Council for questioning as soon as we arrive” Rex felt something that might have been fear, bubbling up, but it was quickly replaced by rage. He swallowed that impulse down. He knew this would be coming; after all, it had been a condition of Dogma’s temporary release. Raging wasn’t going to help his brother. He hadn’t been quick enough it would seem as he watched General Skywalker’s eyes narrow.

“He shot a Jedi Rex.”

“With all due respect sir, he shot a traitor.” The General sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It's out of our hands, Rex. We could stop him from being shipped back to Kamino, but there is nothing more I can do.” What you be doing if it was me, that was being hauled in front of the council? Rex wanted to ask but couldn’t bring himself to utter the words.

“Get some rest.” General Skywalker uttered those words without a hint of irony. It was a dismissal if ever Rex had heard one. There was a part of Rex what wanted to replay with a ‘Thank you, sir, I’m fine’ but was sure the phrase would go straight over the Generals head. Rex turned on his heels and headed for the door.

“Rex, let… er.. let the trooper know what's going on.” Rex turned, giving a quick nod and headed through the door. Rex knew that rest wasn’t an option, so he decided upon a different course of action. The ship's gym should be relatively empty, especially as most would be too tired from the recent campaign to feel the need to exercise. And if it just happened to be the furthest thing from rest, well that was just a coincidence.

Typically the gym was nowhere near as empty as Rex would have liked. More than a few pairs of brother were having a spar on the mats. There were a few spare treadmills along the left wall, but it was the punching bags in the back corner that Rex was after. One was already in use. Tups bun made him easy to spot from behind. Rex wasn’t sure the younger trooper even notice his presence as he approached. Rex decided not to disturb him; he looked like he was… working through some stuff.

Taking the bag farthest away from Tup, Rex when through his pre-workout stretches on autopilot before sinking his fist into the bag. He had hoped punching something would help focus his mind, but it didn't seem to be working. His conversation with the General had rattled him. A deluge of hows and whys and what-ifs that he had been desperately trying to hold back broke free.

It all came back to one thing. It should have been him that pulled the trigger. It was his call, his duty to his brothers and the Republic, he should be the one to bear the consequences of the decision. Whatever they would be. They had put Dogma back into his cell after shooting the General, after Fives had retrieved his pistol from Dogma’s limp hands. He had sat stock still for hours, just staring unblinkingly at the Jedi’s body left to go cold one cell over. Kenobi’s arrival, Rex’s desperate pleas to Cody, Cody’s appeal to his General and Skywalkers obstinate instance ensured that Dogma would face Jedi justice and not a sham of a court marshal at the hands of the GAR high command. Rex hoped that the Jedi would be more lenient, but he didn’t know. All he had to go off was that it was hard to picture a Jedi firing squad. When Dogma had been temporarily released for the trip back to Coruscant, he hadn’t said a word. In fact, Rex hadn’t heard him utter a sound, besides his snoring, since Umbara.

Rex wondered if it said something damning about him that he wasn’t able to take that shot. He considered himself someone willing to do whatever it took to ensure victory, to keep his brothers safe. Did this just prove that to be untrue? General Skywalker had said the though Dogma and Rex were alike and superficially perhaps they were. Fiercely loyal, devoted to the cause… trusting. But Dogma took the shot that Rex couldn’t, because Rex couldn’t, but why? Was he afraid the consequences, afraid of what it would mean to be a Jedi killer? Say what you would about Dogma he didn’t really factor in personal consequences into his actions.

Would the outcome be different if it had been him? Rex wasn’t sure. And if it was, what did that say about the GAR? What did that say about him? Was his life worth more than Dogma’s? Because he was older, more experienced, because General Skywalker had taken a liking to him? Was he more deserving of mercy because he happened to be a Jedi’s favourite clone? Because General Skywalker could remember his name when he always seemed to forget Dogma’s? Rex was spiralling, and he didn’t know how to stop it.

One last strike of his fist into the punching bag and Rex all be collapsed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Tup had stopped as well, at some point having been joined by Fives. They were both watching him, concern on Fives face, Tups expression was drawn. Looking down at his hands, Rex realised belated that he had forgotten to wrap his knuckles before starting, blood trickling from the split skin, staining the bag.

“You should go see Kix for that sir.” Fives voice seemed thin a far away. Rex recalled Kix’s tired eyes for earlier that night. He didn’t need to adding anything more to his brother plate tonight, he’d speak to him in the morning. He told Fives as much. The ARC gave him a reluctant nod. Rex glanced back to Tup, stood staring at the floor shoulders hunched, looking like he was about to throw up. Catching Fives eye, he received a second nod. The ARC would make sure that Tup was ok, that he got back to his bunk. Rex gave Fives a tried smile before turning to leave that gym. The next morning Fives wouldn’t mention how Rex’s stumbled from exhaustion as he walked and Rex wouldn’t mention the telltale red rims to Fives eyes.

Finally, back at his bunk, Rex though he might finally be tried enough to get some rest even though Dogma’s snoring. Upon entering Rex found the room empty, it would appear Dogma had made himself scarce once again. Rex would tell him the Generals news in the morning then. For now, he would finally grab a few hours of sleep.

#I have this oddly specific head cannon that Anakin cannot for the life of him remember Dogma's name.#Why? Who knows? Probably some force nonsense.#captain rex #clone trooper dogma #clone trooper tup #clone trooper jesse #clone trooper kix #umbara arc #arc trooper fives

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atlafan · 4 years

Text

Take it Slow - Part Seventy

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, and um...butt stuff towards the end.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

Due to getting up and taking Buster out, you had gotten into a habit of not cleaning up your breakfast in the morning. Harry would end up taking care of it for you. He didn’t mind at first because you usually left food for him to eat, and he was grateful he wasn’t on early morning duty with the dog. But was starting to get to him. He didn’t want it to make him run late to the studio now that Mariah and Isaac were coming in.

They were spending a lot of time making large prints and booklets. Harry had invested into some nice printers. Just another thing he could profit from later.

“Do you think Y/N will bring Buster by today?” Mariah asks him.

“I hope so.” He says. “Let me ask you somethin’, do you and Rachel ever fight?”

“Fight? Like argue?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah we do…we’re both pretty stubborn.” She laughs. “It’s always over stupid shit too. It’s not an all the time thing, but every couple fights, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why, do you think you and Y/N fight a lot?”

“No, but when we do it’s always this big blow up. And it’s usually my fault.”

“Harry.” Isaac says. “I have seen you blow up at people time and time again, are you going to tell me that sweet girl is the one to go off on you?”

“Looks like Harry finally met his match.” Mariah smirks.

“I have a hard time gettin’ mad at her. Even when she’s angry with me, she’s still so cute.” They both laugh at him. “There are things she does, I just choose to let them go. Or if I get mad it’s usually for something stupid. I get jealous easily.”

“That’s because you’re a possessive prick.” Mariah says matter of factly.

“Is that so?” Harry asks with raised eyebrows.

“Harry, the cameras at Plant Geo are for everyone to use, and yet you somehow kept two in your office at all times so no one else could use them.”

“You know how it is when you get the settings just right.”

“Doesn’t matter. You like when your things stay yours. That gets old really quick.”

“So I’ve learned.”

The door opens and they hear the yipping of a dog. Harry turns around and smiles. He picks Buster up and he licks his cheek.

“There’s my boy!” He looks at you. “And my girl.”

“It looks so great in here you guys.” You smile brightly, and go to kiss Harry. He puts Buster down and lets him sniff and Isaac and Maria.

“Yeah it’s really coming together. We’re excited for the opening next month.”

“It’s gonna be great.”

“Wanna leave him here with me for a bit? Got his area set up now.”

“Oh…um, sure.”

“Want him to get used to the space, you know?”

“Right, yeah, that’s fine.” You look at Buster. “Wanna spend the afternoon with daddy, Buster?” The dog yips and you giggle.

“Daddy?” Isaac questions with a smirk.

“I am his father, aren’t I?” He asks, putting an arm around you. “And she’s his mummy, got a problem with it?”

“Not at all.” He laughs. “Mariah, let’s go get lunch. We can leave mummy and daddy here.”

“Good idea.”

The two leave and you give Harry another kiss. You go up with him to your office, and Buster plops on the floor.

“It looks so good in here, babe.”

“Thanks…hey can I talk to you about somethin’?”

“Course.”

“You, uh, keep leavin’ your dishes in the sink in the mornin’, and usually I don’t mind takin’ care of it, but it’s starting to make me run late…”

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry Harry. I didn’t even realize…I end up running around from working out and taking him out and all that. I can try to be better about not leaving a mess for you.”

“Like I said, I usually don’t mind, especially since you make me breakfast like every mornin’, it just piles up some days.”

“Say no more, I’ll just start putting everything in the dishwasher.”

“That’s another thing you typically leave for me…you never empty it. So when I’m doin’ the dishes I have to empty it and load it.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t realize I was doing, or I guess wasn’t doing all that.”

“I feel bad even saying anything because you clean up so many other things.”

“No, don’t feel bad. If I’m doing something that bothers you I want you to tell me so I can work on it.” You wrap your arms around him. “It’s all good.” He kisses the top of your head and wraps his arms around you. “I should probably get going. I have a one o’clock meeting today.”

“Okay, I’m glad I got to see you today.” He kisses you.

“Me too, baby.” You kiss him back. You bend down and give Buster a hug. “You be good for daddy, no accidents.”

Harry walks you out, and off you go. You got home before him and decided to clean the entire kitchen. You felt really bad for leaving a mess behind for him. You knew you’d be annoyed too if he did the same thing to you. You were usually the cleaner one, but you were definitely slacking. You make up a nice salad with roasted chickpeas and wait for your boys to get home.

Harry came in around 7:30, and Buster came in rushing to you. You smile big at him and scratch his tummy when he gives it to you.

“You’re home later than I thought, sweetie.” You say looking up at him. “I made dinner.”

“Thanks, I should’ve texted you, I ate already.”

“Oh.” You stand up. “Leftovers then, no big deal.” You shrug. “It was just salad anyways. You all ate together?”

“Mhm.”

“How was Buster?”

“Good, barely made a peep. Took him across the street to the park for a little bit so he could run around. Should be all tuckered out.”

“You look so tired, why don’t you go shower or something and relax.” You smile at him.

“I’m fuckin’ stressed is what I am.” He walks by you to go into the kitchen, and you follow him in. He grabs a beer from the fridge. He looks around. “You clean in here?”

“Yeah, I wanted to tidy everything up for you.” His face softens a little.

“Thanks.” He takes a sip from his beer.

“What’s stressing you out?” You sit down at the island.

“I don’t know, what if Mariah can’t bring enough clients in, what if I can’t afford Isaac after a certain point, what if we don’t get walk ins, what if my clients want at home pictures instead of comin’ in. There’s just so much uncertainty that’s hitting me all at once.” You nod along as he takes another sip of his drink. “I just hope I didn’t make a big mistake.”

“Oh honey, you didn’t. You’re so talented, and you’re already booking out. You may have slower times than others, but that’ll just leave you to work on your own projects.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if there’s a trip you wanna take, or pictures you’ve been wanting to take you could. And then you could sell prints or something.”

“Suppose so…”

“You know what might be fun at some point? We could set up across the street at the park and take, like, family photos. You, me, and Buster, what do you think of that?”

Harry puts his drink down, walks over to where you’re sitting, and turns your seat towards him. He cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses you. You taste the beer on his tongue. You’re surprised at how lustful the kiss is.

“We really are a little family now, aren’t we?” He asks gently.

“Yes.” You wrap your arms around his neck.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always make me feel better…”

You smile and lean in to kiss him again. His hands grip at your hips and he picks you up. He puts you down on one of the kitchen counters. You tug at his hair as he continues to lick into your mouth. He tugs at the hem of your shirt and lifts it off. He unhooks your bra immediately, and before you can say anything his mouth is wrapping around one of nipples. He kneads the other one and you groan.

“Harry.” You breathe as your head rolls back.

He sucks on you harshly, then move to the other one. He nips at the upper part of your chest, and sucks your skin between his teeth. You pull him closer with your legs, needing more contact from him.

“Can I fuck you here?” He says in your ear and your toes curl.

“Yes.”

He undoes his belt and drops his pants just enough to let his dick out.

“Wait we need a condom.” He looks up at you incredibly annoyed.

“Why?”

“I went to urgent care today for my sinus infection and they gave me antibiotics. Some antibiotics can cancel out birth-control.”

“So I’ll put out and come on you.” You look at him. “Or, I’ll go get a condom.”

“Go with the latter.”

“Take your fuckin’ pants off.”

He groans and stomps his way down the hall to the bedroom and comes back with the foil packet. Your pants and underwear have been removed. The cold granite beneath you isn’t comfortable, but you know in a few minutes you won’t care. He grumbles while he rolls the condom on his dick and he looks at you.

“How long are you on the meds for?

“They gave me a z-pack because I have an ear infection too, so like five days. Not long.”

“That’s an eternity with these things.” He grips your hips and pulls you closer. “No wonder you had such a bad headache Saturday, poor thing.” He kisses your forehead, and then thrusts into you with no warning.

“Jesus!” You grip his shoulders.

He thrusts into you hard and fast, and you cling to him. You bite down into his shoulder. You didn’t want your moans to frighten Buster in the other room. It wasn’t often when you both had sex in the kitchen. It was the most comfortable place in the world to get railed, but he clearly needed this, he need you. He needed some time to focus solely on one thing, and that needed to be your body then so be it.

He picks you up of the counter and brings you to your fit. You look up at him confused. He spins you around and pushes your stomach against the counter. He enters you from behind. One hand on the back of your neck and the other gripping the hair on the back of your head. He was hitting you so deep. He was just being a little too rough with you.

“H, Harry, ease up a bit.” You say gritting your teeth.

“Where?”

“My hair, don’t pull my hair.”

He let’s go of it immediately and drops his hand to reach for your clit to soothe you a little. He moves his body closer to yours so his chest was pressing against your back.

“Sorry.” He says, nipping at your earlobe.

“S’okayyyyyy, oh my god.” Your head falls back to his shoulder as you release around him.

He spills into the condom shortly after and pulls out. He throws it away and pulls his pants back up. He gives you his shirt to throw on.

“Thanks.” Your cheeks were completely flushed and you looked incredibly fucked out. It was enough to make his cock twitch again. You slide your panties up your legs and grab your other clothes. “Let’s go snuggle with Buster on the sofa a bit before bed.”

“Meet yeh there.” He kisses your temple.

You use the toilet and get on the sofa with them. Buster plops right in your lap.

“He’ll be too big for this soon too.” You frown.

“Don’t think about it. He can still sit with us, he’ll just rest his head on our laps instead of his whole body.” Buster picks his head up to look at you and you cups his face in your hands.

“You’re mumma’s little lovebug aren’t you?” He starts wagging his tail. “That’s right, mumma’s precious little lovebug.” You say smiling. Harry pets him as you continue to coo lovingly.

“Niall was thinking of puttin’ a campin’ trip together for us and Lou, just a boy’s trip.”

“Oh that’s nice. When?”

“Memorial Day weekend maybe?”

“That’s the weekend between our party and your grand opening…”

“So?”

“So…nothing, um, yeah that should be fine. You deserve some time with them. And I can hang with the girls.”

“You sure it’s alright? I know there’s a lot to do before both parties, but-“

“No, yeah, it’s fine, babe.” You look at him and smile.

Harry woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of you throwing up. He gets up immediately and rushes into the bathroom. He pulls your hair back and rubs your back to soothe you as you flush the toilet.

“What happened? You’re sick?”

“No.” He helps you stand and you go to brush your teeth. “It’s the antibiotics, they’re really strong. You have to take two on the first day. I should’ve had a glass of milk when I took the second one before bed.”

“Poor thing.” He holds you to his chest and rubs your back. “Want me to get you some water or something?”

“No, I’m alright now, thank you.”

You both get back into bed. You lay on your back and he lays on his side to face you. He rubs your stomach to try to soothe you and it actually helps you fall back asleep.

Harry wakes up at the same as you the next morning to make sure you’re alright.

“Harry, I told you already the medicine is just strong. I’m gonna have some Greek yogurt this morning to help my stomach.”

“I’ll go take the dog out then.”

“You don’t have to, go back to sleep.”

“I’m up already it’s fine.”

“I wanna bring him with me to work today. I like having him there with me.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll drop him off before I go to therapy.”

“That works. Father-son dinner tonight Buster, how do yeh like that?” He asks him as he puts the leash on.

You go to get dressed after eating your yogurt. You make sure to put your spoon in the dishwasher, and not leave it in the sink. You decide on a light blue dress that had tank top sleeves, and a white three quarter sleeve blazer. It was finally warm enough to break out some of your favorite outfits. Harry stops short when he sees you.

“What?” You look down at yourself. “It’s got a high neckline, no cleavage see?”

“No, no, I just…you look really pretty is all.” He smiles. He takes the leash off of Buster and he runs towards you. “Seems like he thinks so too.” You giggle as you pet your baby.

“Thanks, Harry.” You walk over to him and kiss him.

“I’ll pick up dinner tonight.”

“Sounds good.” You take the leash from him. “Buster, time to go to work with mummy.”

Harry, Isaac, and Mariah were all staring at a picture on the wall when you came in with Buster.

“I just don’t know if that works there?” Harry says.

“It’s too abstract.” Mariah says.

“But it’ll give people waiting something to think about.” Isaac says.

“What are you all looking at?” You say.

“Hey!” Harry turns to you and smiles. He gives you a kiss and pats the top of Buster’s head.

“You look so cute, Y/N!” Mariah says.

“Damn girl, you are wearing that dress.” Isaac comments. You blush a deep red and the bombardment of compliments.

“Oh, thanks guys.” You give Harry a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I gotta go or I’ll be late, see you at home later. Bye guys.” You smile and wave to them, and leave.

“Where does she go on Tuesday nights, work out class?” Isaac asks.

“Um, no…” Harry rubs the back of his head. He wasn’t sure if he should say you see a therapist. “She just has this standing this appointment. I can’t really say what for.”

“’Nough said. Now, let’s get back to figuring out if we like this for the waiting area or not.”

“You look lovely, Y/N.” Dr. Mara says as you sit down.

“Definitely wearing this dress more often.” You laugh.

“How was your week?”

“Stressful…I’m planning these two parties, I have huge surprise for Harry on top of it. I had to babysit my nephew this weekend on top of still training Buster. Oh, and I got sick so that was great. Harry and I got into a huge fight because of Niall.”

“Again?”

“Okay, here’s what happened, Harry had two weddings to work on Saturday. I woke up feeling like shit, but whatever. He was so good, he got the baby all set up for me, took the dog out, awesome. I didn’t wanna bring the baby into the shower with me, I just felt weird you know?” She nods. “So I called Niall and he came right over. I felt even worse so he stayed to help. It was actually nice because we hadn’t hung out one on one in a while. So, I ended up falling asleep with my head in his lap, there was a pillow there, but a guess he was like playing with my hair and I was really snuggled up to him. So when Harry got home he brought me to bed and then him and Niall started arguing.” She continues to nod along. “They woke me and the baby up, so Niall went home and I made Harry sleep in the other room.”

“He doesn’t like when you tell him to do that…”

“I know, but I honestly didn’t know what else to say, and I didn’t want to argue with him at that moment in time. I couldn’t even be near him. I know it didn’t look great, but he acts like I give him a reason to worry.” You sigh. “Him and Niall are best friends, and Niall is also my best friend. It’s hard to navigate sometimes. Anyways, the next day he and I got into it, and I got so mad I told him if we fought over it again I’d be done.”

“Oh my.”

“I wasn’t even thinking when I said it. I know it really hurt him, I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just so aggravated to be having the same conversation.”

“So what happened when you said that?”

“He just said okay. Then he went to Niall’s to apologize, and then we made up. It’s been put to bed.”

“You can’t guarantee he won’t get mad again.”

“He said he’s going to try to work on it. It’s really more about his own issues than Niall or myself. I try really hard to show him and tell him he could never lose me. I wanna be with him always. He could also just be overworked and over stressed.”

“When you say you want to be with him always, what does that mean exactly?”

“Well, we’ve talked about it and we wanna get married and have kids at some point. I feel like we talk more about babies than marriage. It sort of freaks me out sometimes. I feel like he doesn’t really understand just how much work a baby is, he really romanticizes it. I also get freaked out because of my own parents…sometimes when we fight I feel like I’m becoming my father.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know, just saying the worst things possible…not that I do it on purpose. But he used to say the nastiest shit to my mom, and then he’d stay in the basement for like two days. He’d reemerge like he didn’t just cause a bunch of damage. And my mom would act the same way. It was like they’d throw dagger at each other, and just let the wounds stay open. They never healed. Harry and I always talk after we make up.” She raises an eyebrow at you.

“What is making up then?”

“We have sex.”

“Do you enjoy the make up sex the most out of all the sex you have with him?”

“No…but it is nice. I don’t know what kind of sex I enjoy the most with him. I just like being really close to him.” She nods. “He makes me feel really safe.”

“What can you do to provide more of that safety with him?”

“I could show more PDA, I know he likes that.”

“Good start.”

When you got in Harry was on all fours with Buster. Buster had one end of a rope in his mouth and Harry had the other end of the rope in his mouth. They were playing tug of war. You take your phone out immediately and record them.

“What are you doin’?” He says, letting go of the rope.

“What am I doing? What you doing?” You ask, laughing.

“Playin’ with our boy.” He stands up all the way and wraps his arms around you. “How was your session?”

“Good, but tiring. I’m starved.”

“Pizza’s in the kitchen.” You two kiss and then he lets you go so you can make yourself a plate. You plop down on the couch.

“Thanks for picking this up, op, no Buster, you can’t have this. Harry take him off the couch.”

“Sorry.” He chuckles. “Can’t eat mumma’s food, Buster.” He looks at you. “So, our part’s this weekend, then I go campin’, and then it’s the grand opening.”

“Correct”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with me goin’ away a whole weekend.”

“Yes, Harry.” You finish up your pizza and put the plate on the side table. “I want you to hang out with your friends.”

“I think the fresh air will do me some good. Clear my head before the big day.”

“I agree.”

“I’m dyin’ to get that dress off of yeh.”

“That so?”

“Mhm, and I, uh, bought some more lube today.” He says with blushing cheeks. Both of your eyebrows raise.

“Did you now?”

“Yeah.” Your eyes darken and you a grin grows on your lips.

“You want me to fuck you, Harry?” His cock twitches at your sultry voice.

“Yes.” You stand up and take his hand. “But I wanna fuck you first.”

“Deal.”

Harry gets your dress off quickly. You felt his hands all over your body. He kissed love bites into your inner thighs before his tongue make its way to your center.

“C, condom!” You scream when he rubs his top against your clit. He glares at you, but goes to grab one.

“I still think I could just come on you and it’d be fine.”

“Harry…”

“Look, I’m rollin’ it on, see.”

“Yeah, now put it in me.” He smirks and thrusts into you.

“Always take it so well, you’re amazing.” He says as he nips at your jaw.

Harry gave you about four orgasms before it was his turn. You get the towel and the lube and you file your nails quick to make sure they wouldn’t hurt him. You were both at a point where if you fingered him long enough he wouldn’t really need the plug.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” You slide your fingers out of him.

“Um…could I put it in from behind this time?”

“Sure.” He shrugs.

You kiss for a few minutes before you put the strap on. He flips over and gets on his elbows and knees for you. You like the dildo up with his hole and you slowly slide it in.

“Doing okay, baby?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

You grips his hips and thrust in a little more. Once it’s all the way in you stay there to let him adjust.

“Okay, you can move it.”

You reach one hand around to pump his cock while you start to rock in and out of him.

“Shit.” He groans.

“Feels good?”

“Feels great…miss seeing your face though.”

“Wanna flip back over?”

“Yeah.” You pull out of him and lays back holding his legs back for you. You slide back in. “Much better.” He says.

“You look so pretty like this Harry.”

“So do you.” You rock in and out of him and grip his cock, rubbing your thumb over the tip.

“Ah, fuck!”

“Oh did I hit it?”

“Yes, keep doin’ that, please.”

Harry’s moans were like a symphony, truly and utterly beautiful to hear. You two didn’t do this often, but when you did, you both loved it.

“Y/N, I’m gonna come, fuck!”

It gets all over your hand and stomach from the way you angled it. You lean forward and kiss on his heaving chest before you slowly pull out of him. You take the strap off and rub your hand on the towel.

“You did so good, Harry.”

“Thanks.” He chuckles and pulls you on top of him. “You know I was kind of scared when you first brought all this up, but I quite like it now.”

“Oh good! It’s a real turn on to watch you like that.” You kiss each other and smile.

“Would you run us a bath?”

“Of course!”

You hop off the bed and get the water started.

“What flavor bath bomb do you want tonight?”

“The vanilla one, please.”

“You got it!”

You and Harry relax and chat in the bath for a bit. He tells you about his day while you massage his scalp. You loved him with your whole heart. No one ever made you feel the way he did. And you thought it was so incredibly sexy and manly of him to let him do what you do to him.

“You know I think it’s very progressive of you to let me peg you.” He chuckles and turns to look at you.

“It’s just another way of havin’ sex. Besides, who am I to deny you of somethin’? Guys can be so insecure about this kind of stuff. They think it’ll make ‘em gay if they stick anything up their ass. What a stupid thing to be afraid of.”

“So you don’t feel emasculate at all?”

“Not in the slightest, I’ve never felt more like a man actually.” He faces front and then turns back to you with a smirk on his face. “Besides, everyone’s a little gay.”

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