#the infamous fish joke

[friendrat]

For anyone who hasn't heard it, here's the entirety of the infamous Walter Foley fish joke!

So one day, a fish flopped up on the seventh green, and he saw four golfers getting ready to putt. He said to one of them, "I'll bet you I can make that putt." So the fish tried to grab the putter, but the golfer snatched him up and hung him from the golf bag, glad to have dinner for the night and a funny story to tell when he got home. After a while, though, the fish started drying out and cried pitifully, "I'm drying! I'm drying!" The golfer felt bad for the fish and tossed him back in the pond. "Why did you let him go?" one of the other golfers asked. The first golfer shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I decided I have bigger fish to dry."

(@kanerallels @accidental-spice @fairytale-lights @taleweaver-ramblings because I know you will appreciate this, and because I don't know if you have heard the whole joke)

[honnelander]

OK SO I HAVE THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I can't stop laughing imagining that scenario xdxdxdxdxd

Well, then imagine go fish! Sanji takes (Y/N) to meet Zeff and Zeff being the good father he is, "accidentally" spoils the tea in front of everyone because he is so done with the drama around.  😂 😂 😂 😂

UMMM OK I LOVE THISSS!! this technically won't be go fish!Sanji BUT my interpretation of Sanji will pretty much always be like that.

here's Zeff "accidentally" spilling the beans about Sanji's affections for reader: (i can't believe this blew up to like 3k words rip)

masterlist

Zeff wasn't stupid.

He's been around the block a couple of times in his life and when Sanji's semi-regular letters to him had shifted from casual life updates and started to be more and more about details and little interactions he had with you, some girl Zeff had never met before, well, it was easy for the head chef to put two and two together: Sanji was in love.

And he was in love with you.

Now, while Sanji might not technically be his son by birthright, there was no way he didn't consider Sanji to be his own living and breathing kin, especially after everything they've been through together, 'pedigree' rules be damned.

Zeff truly loved that boy. Throughout their time together, he had raised Sanji from being a snotty-nosed brat into the respectable man that he was today and, in Zeff's mind, part of being a respectable man included knowing how to treat a woman properly.

Ever since he was a young boy, Zeff could see that Sanji took a special liking towards girls and then young women. The retired captain had lost count of the number of times he had to berate Sanji into getting back to work and to leave the wooing for after dinner service and his own personal time, but the scoldings never stuck. Sanji would always be Sanji, and that meant the lad had an endless wandering eye and a sharp silver tongue, no matter what.

To say that Zeff was sad to see Sanji go with Luffy that day was an understatement, he was devastated, but he knew, ever since he had held a knife to his throat during their first encounter, that Sanji was meant for bigger things. For things bigger than cooking up the same old dinner specials every night and breaking up drunk pirate fights on the regular. Sanji was bigger than the Baratie, so when Luffy had made his infamous offer to his pseudo-son, a part of Zeff was relieved because that meant that Sanji could finally start living the life he was always meant to live, and that was one of a pirate.

Zeff had also made peace with the very real fact that he might never see or hear from Sanji again. He (and Sanji) knew all too well how quickly something could go from bad to worse to life-threatening in an instant out on the open ocean, and if Luffy was truly determined to find the one piece and have Sanji join his crew, then Zeff knew that seeing him off that day was probably the last time he would ever see his son alive.

So, imagine his surprise when he received his first letter from him.

At first, he thought it was a joke, that one of the line cooks in the kitchen was pulling a cruel prank on him by writing him a fake letter in Sanji's unmistakable handwriting, but when he finally ripped open the envelope and found out that yes, Sanji did, in fact, write him a letter, well... it had actually brought a tear to his eye.

From that point forward, Zeff found himself eagerly awaiting Sanji's letters. He loved to hear all about the outlandish adventures that crew seemed to always find themselves in and it made Zeff nostalgic for his days at sea. There was never any return address, since the crew was constantly on the move, and Zeff expected as such, so he could never send a reply but that didn't mean he wasn't grateful for each and every letter he received.

Zeff should've realized that something was up though when Sanji had first mentioned you in one of his letters. Sanji's letters would come every couple of months and they, surprisingly, never mentioned any young lass or any other pretty girl he would meet during an island visit unless it was a woman they had ended up fighting.

So, when Sanji had first mentioned you to him, saying how you were the newest straw hat to join the crew, Zeff had thought it was just business as usual. However, what wasn't 'just business as usual' was when the rest of the letter had turned into a little biography about you; where you were from, how old you were, what your home life was like, that you had also agreed that 'oregano was for savages', etc., and the letter ended up being nearly ten pages long.

Then, after your 'introduction' in Sanji's letters to him, you were practically the subject of them all going forward, each one getting longer than the last. Gone were the letters detailing Sanji's adventures, and in came the letters describing the interactions you two had or what topics had come up in your conversations with each other.

At first, Zeff thought it was just another one of Sanji's infatuations (the boy was a huge flirt after all) but when more and more details were provided, and the letters started becoming longer, it was obvious to Zeff that Sanji was in love with you.

And why didn't Sanji just admit his feelings to you? He had no clue. Maybe it was partially his fault too, since Zeff never remembered having that 'what to do when you truly love a girl' talk with him, but he had hoped that Sanji would eventually be fed up with all the back and forth between the both of you and finally just confess already, but that declaration of "I confessed my love to her and she reciprocated" line never was brought up in any of the letters.

And Zeff was feeling himself go crazy the longer this went on. The 'drama' that was occurring between you both was driving him nuts and he vowed that if he ever saw Sanji and the rest of the straw hat crew at the Baratie again, that he would confess Sanji's feelings towards you for him. I mean... someone had to.

Then one day his lucky day came.

"Zeff!" a voice called out from the top of the stairs one afternoon before the day's first dinner service, a voice that Zeff thought he would never hear again. "There you are, you old shitbag!"

Immediately, Zeff stopped talking to the wait staff, turning his body to look up at where he heard the voice come from, his hands on his hips, and he couldn't believe what he was seeing: there was Sanji, a huge smile on his face, standing with practically the same crew that he had waved goodbye to nearly two years ago.

"Oi! Sanji!" Zeff yelled out, his own disbelieving smile lighting up his face. "I never thought I'd see your ugly mug around here again."

Sanji laughed at that as he quickly bounded down the stairs, enveloping him in a bear hug. "That makes two of us!" He pulled back, his blue eyes lighting up in pure happiness as he quickly took Zeff in, patting him on the shoulder as he said, "And look at you, you practically look exactly the same as the day I left you."

As Zeff took in Sanji's appearance, he realized that he couldn't say the same about him. Sanji looked older, not in a bad way, but in a more mature way. He looked like he was growing into the man that he was always meant to be.

And Zeff couldn't have been more proud.

"Well, I can't say the same about you little eggplant. You look like a seasoned pirate to me." Both of them dropped their arms off of each other and Zeff put his hands back on his hips. "You keepin' your feet dry?"

Sanji mirrored his pose, a small laugh escaping his lips as he looked down for a second. "Yeah," he said and looked back up at Zeff, a knowing glint in his blue eyes. "Yeah, I am."

Zeff knew right then that everything with his son was alright. "Good."

"Hey, uh, I wanted to introduce you to someone," Sanji started, looking slightly bashful as he looked back down at the floor and put his hands in his pockets. "She's the-"

"Girl from the letters?" Zeff said with a small knowing smile, finding it endearing how his normally smooth-talking son was suddenly acting about this girl. If he didn't know any better, Sanji looked nervous (and Zeff knew he was).

At his words, Sanji's gaze immediately snapped up to meet Zeff's, his eyes becoming slightly wider, a hint of panic within them, as he quickly looked back towards the rest of his crew that had just started to make their way down the stairs and towards them.

"The newest member of our crew," Sanji emphasized loudly, letting out a fake laugh as he looked back at Zeff pointedly.

"Right," Zeff relented with a small disbelieving laugh of his own. "'Newest crewmember'. Got it."

And when Zeff turned his attention towards the straw hats, he immediately knew it was you before you even introduced yourself. Sure, you were the only new face in the small group of familiar faces, but he had to give credit to Sanji, he had definitely captured your looks and essence in his letters.

Zeff's smile widened. You were cute. From just by looking at you, he could tell you were a sweet and kind soul, it was no wonder Sanji loved you. You definitely looked like the type of person who would do all those things that Sanji had spoken about in his letters and he immediately approved of you. If Sanji had stood there and introduced you as his wife instead of 'his newest crewmember', he wouldn't have had any objections to that at all.

"Zeff, this is y/n," Sanji started, gesturing a hand out to you, Zeff noticing the way his son's eyes softened just by looking at you. "And, uh, you already know everyone else."

Zeff looked away from Sanji and down at you, seeing that you already had your hand out to shake his, a nervous smile plastered on your face.

He liked you.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Zeff, sir," you said, shaking his hand. "I've heard so much about you."

Now, even though Sanji had corrected him before about you, it didn't mean Zeff wasn't going to say anything.

"Aw, come on now, the pleasure is all mine little lass," Zeff replied, shaking your smaller hand with his bigger one. "It's nice to finally meet the girl that Sanji raves on about all the time."

From his peripheral, he could see Sanji stiffen.

Your eyes widened, your hand going limp in his as you asked, "Raves on about? Who, me? T-to you?"

Zeff's smile only grew wider and more cheeky. "Oh yeah, all the time," he said casually, as you both dropped hands. He placed his hands on his hips again and nodded towards his son. "You should see just how much of his letters are about you. It's like I get a damn novel every other month about your relationship," he joked.

"Zeff-" Sanji started but Zeff wasn't done.

He was on a roll and nothing was going to stop him. The more he spoke, however, the redder your face became.

"Oh yeah," the head chef continued, "from as much as Sanji talks about the two of you, I thought you two were in a relationship and said 'I love you' to each other already."

After he said that, the room got quiet. You stood there, completely frozen with wide eyes and a flushed face, like a deer in headlights, while Sanji stood as still as a statue. The rest of the straw hats stood quietly behind you three with varying looks of shock and awe on their faces at the display before them.

"Sanji," Luffy said, breaking the awkward silence first. "You love y/n?"

"Luffy!" Nami hissed.

"I knew it!" Usopp loudly and proudly declared, pointing a finger to the sky as he turned and laughed at the rest of the crew. "See, the great captain Usopp always knows the sparks of true love whenever he sees it," he said, hooking his thumbs at the top of his overalls with a grin.

Zoro snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. You wouldn't know what true love looked like even if it smacked you in the face."

"Says the guy who doesn't have a girlfriend," Usopp smugly retorted with a laugh.

Before Zoro could say anything back, Zeff spoke up. "Hey, straw hats," he called, grabbing their attention. "Why don't you lot come into the kitchen and sit at the chef's table? I'll have Patty and the rest of 'em cook you a couple of steaks however you want, on the house. I'll even throw in a couple of beers too."

"I'm in," Zoro said without missing a beat as he started making his way towards the kitchen, not needing to be asked twice.

"Ooo, free beers? Show captain Usopp the way, please," Usopp said, following Zoro through the kitchen doors.

At the mention of meat, Luffy immediately perked up and forgot about the situation before him. "Steaks? Would it be possible to have more than one?"

"Sure," Zeff agreed easily and nodded towards the kitchen. "Eat too many though and I'll have you back on dish duty again to pay your bill."

"Deal," Luffy quickly agreed and followed after his first mate and sharpshooter.

With a shared look, Nami and Zeff started making their way towards the kitchen together, both ignoring you and Sanji.

"How do you like your steak cooked Nami?" Zeff asked conversationally before disappearing behind the kitchen's double doors.

"Medium rare, actually," Nami replied and slipped in after him, leaving you and Sanji all alone in the dining room.

It was quiet for a solid minute, neither one of you moving or making a sound.

"So," you started, clearing your throat and looking over at Sanji. "You, uh... told Zeff about me?"

But Sanji couldn't look at you. In fact, he was looking at everywhere but you. His cheeks were flushed pink and the tips of his ears were red. He looked down at the ground with his hands on his hips.

"Yeah," he said, forcing out a slight laugh that sounded more painful than anything. "I, uh, told him a bit about you. Could you tell?" he asked, a hint of painful and playful sarcasm in his tone.

You couldn't help but laugh at his attempt at a joke. You could feel your heart start to race as you slowly took a couple of steps closer to him. "Yeah, I could tell," you replied playfully. "You really love me, Sanji?" you asked him softly after a beat.

Turning his head to the side, you could see a blush crawl up his neck. It was so cute, you don't think you've ever seen Sanji be this flustered or embarrassed before. "Uh, well," he stammered, "I-I didn't want you to find out like this. I had a plan and everything. But Zeff and his big mouth had to ruin-"

"Sanji," you said simply, cutting him off. "Look at me."

Before obeying your command, Sanji took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for the inevitable letdown and rejection he was used to receiving from women throughout his life.

When he looked down at you and met your stare, his eyes were filled with apprehension. "Yes?"

You wanted to do nothing in that moment but quelch his fears. "Oh, just come here," you said.

In one swift motion, you grabbed him by his tie and pulled him down into a kiss, capturing his lips with your own. You felt him stiffen in surprise, but once it hit him that you were, indeed, kissing him, he immediately relaxed and put his hands on either side of your face, his fingers entangling themselves into your hair, deepening the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your mouth moving in sync as you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach.

Was this real life?

After a moment, you pulled apart, panting slightly for air. You both looked at each other, faces flushed, neither one of you expecting to share your first kiss in the middle of the empty Baratie dining room.

"I love you too."

The smile that broke out across Sanji's face was brighter than the sun. But before he could say anything, you both could hear Usopp yelling from inside the kitchen.

"Guys! They kissed! See, I told you they would!" He declared loudly before turning away from the small circular window. "Zoro and Nami, you each owe twenty berry! Come on, pay up!" he laughed like a high roller that just won big, making his way back into the kitchen.

At the sound of loud protesting and groaning coming from the kitchen, you giggled, hiding your face in his chest from embarrassment.

"Oh god," you groaned.

"Aw come now, no need to be embarrassed, Madam," Sanji teased. "If they're placing bets on us, might as well give them a show to bet on, yeah?"

When you peeked up at him, you could see a mischievous glint in his eye as he scanned over your pretty face and back down to your lips before looking back into your eyes. His look made your heart skip a beat.

"Sounds like a plan to me," you answered with a small laugh before you pulled him back down to kiss him all over again.

taglist: @smolracoon25 @shadydeanmuffin @cherrypie5 @sauceonmyshorts @hhighkey @gimmebackmyskeeball @he4vens-ang3l @selcouthaesthetics @chexmixtrys @princettecharlie @amitydoodlez @abracarabbit @the-maladaptive-daydreamers @mischiefmanaged71 @asianfrustration13 @shuujin @nimtano @your-platonic-gay-lover @lovelymrvl @browneyedhufflepuff @stevenknightmarc @deserticwren

[thebearer]

i looooove the way you wrote carmys casual dominance over the reader in the feeling. could you write something else that has that same vibe? like him being protective/ dominant over her while they’re around the rest of the crew?

ahhh thank you so much!!! the casual dominance was a must for me with carmy it just makes me weak in the knees lol.

"Why don't you let me help you?" You hummed, leaning over Carmen's shoulder, watching as he expertly cut the onions. "I can handle spaghetti sauce."

Carmen scoffed lightly, looking up at you under heavy brows, still chopping furiously- much faster than anything you could. "I got it." He nodded.

Your face fell slightly, stepping back to stand beside him. Carmen invited you to family every night before the restaurant opened, it was sometimes the only time you'd see him until that night when he'd collapse into bed next to you. It was the busy season, summer and tourist time, meaning everyone wanted to come to the infamous restaurant.

Carmen's chest flooded with a pang of guilt at your small frown. Fuck, maybe he'd been too mean. "'m sorry, baby. Here, I have prep to do. Can you put this in the pan for me? Start it."

The tiny smile that curled on your lips made Carmen's heart skip in his chest. "Yes, Chef." You hummed, pressing a kiss to his cheek, snagging the diced onions and sliding them into the pan.

You'd seen Carmen make it enough to know how to make this recipe. Canned tomato sauce, oregano, onions- you measured them, adding it all easily.

"Woah-ho-ho, look who we got here." Richie cackled, turning the corner, ignoring Sydney's screams to announce it. "We got a new chef on the roster?"

You rolled your eyes, snagging the can opener and pressing the handles together. "Yeah, I'm your replacement, Richie."

Richie's face fell slightly. He knew you were joking but a part of him worried. "Cousin, what's this, huh?"

"She's just helping, alright? Get outta the way." Carmen nodded, slicing the beef easily. His eyes watched you, flicking from his task back to you.

"Hey," Carmen called, a firm snap of the tongue that had you turning to him. "Put the hair back, baby. No one wants a hair in their food."

"Yeah, c'mon." Richie added, snickering as you snagged the hair tie off your wrist. "Gonna replace me and she don't even know how to cook right-"

"Hey, easy, cousin." Carmen's eyes were hard, glaring at Richie, the whirr of his knife sliding across the cutting board adding a dangerous edge.

Richie held his hands up in mock defense. "My apologies, your fucking majesties." He scoffed.

You rolled your eyes, moving onto the next step on the card, pouring the cans of sauce in easily and stirring, giving the side of the pan a firm tap with the spoon to get the excess off. Reaching for the knob to turn the heat up, Carmen's hands were on your waist before you could.

"Here, baby," Carmen rasped, pulling you back slightly. "Gotta loose shirt on, so you gotta stay back, alright? Tuck it in or something for me. I don't want it catchin' on fire." He muttered, hand sliding over the hem of your shirt, pressing it gently against you.

"Actually, go find an apron, ok? I'l get this started. I don't want you gettin' anything on ya." Carmen nodded towards the back.

"Yes, Chef." You saluted him playfully, passing the spoon to him.

Carmen watched you walk towards his office, stirring the ingredients before turning on the stove. He let the flame on a low flicker, reaching in his pocket for his own cigarettes, fishing one out and lighting it under the pilot light.

"Chef," Carmen called, catching Sydney as she turned the corner. "You got it?"

"I got it." Sydney nodded.

"Great, I'll be in my office." Carmen walked off, finding you in his office, lazily looking through the papers on his desk.

"Anything good?" He asked, leaning against the door, arms crossed over his broad chest.

"What is spicy Moroccan carrot salad?" You tilted your head, reading Carmen's sloppy handwriting scribbled on the notecard.

"A side Sydney thinks would go good with the flounder we're getting in." Carmen hummed, blowing the smoke out the door before shutting it behind him.

He sunk down in his chair, patting his lap for you to sit with him. "Thanks f' helpin' me with family tonight." Carmen muttered, arms around your waist, bumming the cigarette in the tray. "Shouldn't be too long tonight."

You hummed, leaning back into his chest, head lulling back so you could look at him. "Not too long like I should wait up for you or...?"

Carmen snorted lightly. "I'll be home before midnight. Sydney and Marcus are closing tonight." He sighed, pressing a tiny kiss on your shoulder.

"Good," You grinned, turning so you were straddling him, your core rocking over his, covered by the aprons.

[azriels-shadowsinger]

imagine azriel walking in on reader using truth-teller to cut up veggies and fruit, his beloved and legendary obsidian sword, who had slaughtered countless of enemies, reduced to a cooking knife hacking cucumbers and fruit…😭😭

this is so fucking funny he would not know what to do

Azriel had just dropped all of his stuff on the table when he got home because he desperately needed to go bathe right away

You were in the kitchen cooking soup for the two of you for dinner

And when you were about to cut up the carrots you saw truth teller on the table and thought it would be kinda funny

Azriel comes into the kitchen and doesn’t notice for a minute because he’s too busy picking up his things from the table

But when he can’t find his blade, he looks around and sees truth teller in your hand being used to cut carrots

He just stands there with his mouth hanging open not even knowing what to say

You try to hide your laugh at his reaction while you toss the carrots into the soup pot

Because cmon… the infamous truth teller blade cutting veggies? That’s hilarious.

Azriel disagrees, obviously

He rushes over and grabs the blade, looking at you like you’re crazy

“I’ve used that to... I don’t want to eat the blood of the worst males in Pyrithian in my soup!”

Obviously, you scrubbed the hell out of that thing first because who knows where it has been, but you decide to keep messing with him

“It’s probably fine. It will cook out, right?”

That only makes him speechless again and he tries to fish out the contaminated carrots from the pot with a spoon

You finally decide to take mercy on him and admit it was a joke

Once dinner is ready he refuses to eat the soup

You try to eat a bite, but the mental image of where truth teller has been is too gross, so you both decide to go out for dinner

He never leaves truth teller out on the table anymore

[nightingaelic]

Things that are Now Fallout Canon

(according to the Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News that preceded the Fallout TV series' teaser trailer release on December 2, 2023)

Vault 33, the focus vault of the Fallout television series, is located beneath Santa Monica, California. It's also implied to be very, very expensive to get into.

Bottle and Cappy, the mascots for Nuka-Cola and its theme park, Nuka-World, were about to embark on a seventeen-movie-long series of animated films before the bombs fell.

The sinking of the RMS Titanic happened in Fallout's alternate universe. The news announcer jokes about the world going down like the infamous ship, including the deadly lack of lifeboats.

Camels exist in this universe, too! The news announcer actually fucks this one up, because he says dromedary camels have two humps - dromedary camels have one hump, while Bactrian camels have two. Or maybe we'll get a sound bite from Todd Howard in a few months where he claims the camel breed names are swapped in Fallout, who knows.

Pets were not allowed in the commercially-advertised vaults. The news announcer regrettably informs listeners that they can't bring their cats, dogs, or even fish with them due to logistical concerns and safety hazards, but they are more than welcome to purchase Vault-Tec-branded gravestones and hold pet funerals before they move underground. Hypothetically-speaking, it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to smuggle their animals in, anyway.

Someone stole the Fallout universe's original moon landing flag from the Museum of Technology in Washington, D.C. - another headline report, with no further details. It was in the same exhibit as the Virgo II lunar lander, which stayed put for at least 200 years.

Vault Boy was named "World's Sexiest Man" in 2077 (when the report is being aired) - no word about which publication or organization bestowed this title upon an animated mascot.

Vault-Tec trademarked the thumbs-up emoji in the Fallout universe - which is very much in character for the company, but something about there being emojis in the world at all hit me wrong.

Vault-Tec instituted a "breeder search program" alongside vault placement purchases, and encouraged polyamory to get people to procreate (and buy more vault spots). I'll admit that this one seems plausible but shaky, because by this point in the report the news announcer is losing his mind while stalling for the vault door to open, and he might just be making shit up.

Nuka-Cola ran its own version of the Pizza Hut "BOOK IT!" reading program, called "ZAP IT!" Kids were required to read over 10,000 books to win rewards. If we use picture books for the math, and allow for five minutes to read each book, that's about 833 hours (34 straight days) of reading to get some soda.

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the ancient Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus both exist in the Fallout universe.

Resulting Thoughts

"The ghoul" in the show is possibly named Howard - unsure if that's a first or last name. In the teaser trailer, Walton Goggins (who plays the ghoul) is shown dressed like a Hollywood cowboy on the day of the Great War, riding a horse to try to escape the nuclear bombs that hit Los Angeles with an unidentified child. Meanwhile, the Galaxy News headlines report that a box office hit called "The Man From Deadhorse" is getting a sequel, which is currently filming at California Crest Studios, and the news announcer says the film is "Howard-led." Whether the ghoul is the lead actor, we don't know, but it seems like a solid enough hint at his origins.

I'm glad that the show is going to delve more into the idea of the haves and have-nots, what with vault entrance being both selective and expensive. The most recent games in the series don't talk about this enough, in my opinion.

This isn't specific to the show adaptation, but it's becoming more noticeable to me that the Fallout series is crawling forward in terms of relating to modernity. I'm not sure how to feel about this - for example, I don't really mind if the soundtrack of Fallout 76 features the Beach Boys and other 1960s songs when it used to be strictly limited to 1930s and 40s music. On the other hand, I thought that using a news announcer that sounds more like a modern podcast host than a Transatlantic-accented journalist was an odd choice, and as I said above, I really did not like the idea that pre-war America knows what an emoji is. I'll get over it, but I'm anticipating that there will be some more artistic choices in the adaptation (and future games) that rub me and others the wrong way because they don't fit our definition of what Fallout "is." I'm not saying anything new, people have been arguing about that forever.

Overall, I'm excited. We're probably not getting a new Fallout game until 2030, so I might as well try to enjoy this. I will be keeping my bingo cards handy, though.

Anyway, I transcribed the damn report because I'm very normal. Feel free to use!

Fallout - A Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News

with occasional commentary from yours truly

[An upbeat, strings-led orchestral jingle plays, and black-and-white picture focuses on a spinning, silver globe. The globe is being circled by a vintage toy rocket. The words "GALAXY NEWS" fly in, and are quickly wiped and replaced by script declaring "Vault-Tec Presents..." The picture is circle-wiped and transitions to a high view of a vault entrance, with no visible script or markings to indicate which vault it is. The large, circular vault door is closed, and the access bridge to the door is not connected. A timer counting down from 60 minutes is overlaid in the bottom left corner, just above the Galaxy News globe logo and a signal tower graphic next to the word "LIVE." News headlines scroll along the bottom of the screen, the first of which reads "GALAXY NEWS SIGNS 10-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH VAULT-TEC." The headlines are separated by small lightning bolt graphics. The music continues throughout, and a male news announcer's voice cuts in.]

Good morning! Or, afternoon! Or evening, depending on where in the world you are. If you're just tuning in with us now, you're in for a treat. Welcome to the unveiling of Vault 33, one of the flagship vaults of Vault-Tec's arsenal of vaults.

[The second scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC VOTED AMERICAN COMPANY WITH BRIGHTEST FUTURE."]

Galaxy News is here live with an exclusive look at the next generation of apocalypse-proof, purpose-built luxury housing, sponsored by our friends at Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec: Revolutionizing safety for an uncertain future.

[The third scrolling headline reads "ROBCO INTERPLANETARY PROBE PROBES DEEPER INTO SPACE THAN ANY PROBE HAS PROBED BEFORE."]

If you're a regular viewer of our programming, we consider you an astute, engaged citizen, doing your part to stay informed on the latest news impacting this beautiful country of ours, and so it will be no surprise to you that we are on the precipice of a nuclear armageddon. But, fear not, Vault-Tec is building the ultimate shelter-in-place solution for the more doomsday-savvy customer: A veritable ark meticulously designed to weather the geopolitical storm surely headed our way any day now. And for the first time on live broadcast, the fine folks at Vault-Tec will be giving you a tour of their newest product unveiling, from the comfort of your home.

[The announcer takes a break, and the music swells. The vault remains closed, and no activity whatsoever is visible around it. It might as well be a static image. The fourth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-WORLD BREAKS ATTENDANCE RECORD FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR. GALACTIC ZONE GIVEN CREDIT FOR INCREASED NUMBERS." The initial song ends, and a new strings song with a more staccato rhythm begins. The news announcer returns.]

Welcome, once again, to Vault 33, nestled in the coastal west side of sunny Los Angeles County, and minutes from the yet-to-be-destroyed, bustling downtown promenade. Should nuclear annihilation one day come for this quiet beach-side town, you can take comfort in knowing you are safely buried deep, deep below what numerous trade publications once called "one of the best places to live." Right now, ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at is peace of mind. Billions and billions of dollars and decades of R&D funneled into the high-grade protection engineering that only Vault-Tec can bring you.

[The fifth scrolling headline reads "WE ASKED OUR VIEWERS TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH AND WHY IS IT AMERICA? HEAR THE RESULTS TONIGHT AT 10PM EST." At this point, the news announcer starts to sound less formal and more excited.]

Aren't we a bunch of lucky ducks! Vault-Tec has tapped us into their closed loop security feed to bring you a sneak peek behind a vault entrance airlock. That large, fortified steel blast door you see there is the only thing standing between you and the rads.

[The sixth scrolling headline reads "UNITED STATES AGAIN ACCUSED OF ATMOSPHERIC COUNTER-ESPIONAGE BY THE REDS."]

Very soon - very soon, I'm told - Arnold? Are we - yeah - and we're very soon, and we're very soon. Very, very soon, I'm told, that gear door will open, and Galaxy News will be on the ground to give you all a walking tour of the facilities! Including the accommodations one might expect in a state-of-the-art, modern residence thanks to a partnership with RobCo Industries and some of your shelf-stable forever favorites like BlamCo and Sugar Bombs! There's nowhere to hide from explosive good taste! Boom!

[The news announcer disappears again, and the strings conclude and are replaced with a meandering clarinet-led number. Several scrolling headlines go by: "U.S. RENEWS DEFENSE CONTRACT WITH WEST TEK, HERALDS VALUE OF POWER ARMOR IN ALL THEATERS OF WAR." "ESPIONAGE THREAT SUBDUED IN DOMESTIC URANIUM MINES." "PRESIDENT DECLARES NUCLEAR STOCKPILE 'SAFE ENOUGH.'" "BULLETIN OF THE ATOMIC SCIENCES SETS DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO HALF A NANOSECOND TO MIDNIGHT." "ATLAS OBSERVATORY CHRISTENS NEW TELESCOPE, RE-COMMITTING TO A NON-VIOLENT PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE." The song ends, a new one begins, and the news announcer returns. The vault still hasn't opened, and he's dropped what was left of his professional tone.]

And we are... stalled out. We're still... having technical difficulties. You know, sometimes things go bad and there's just no way you can plan. It's kind of like what's happening with the world right now, there's no way you could've been born into the world and know how you were going to end - know how the world would end. How will the world end, in fire or in ice? Well, it turns out -

[laughter]

It turns out it's gonna be fire...

[The twelfth scrolling headline reads "CHRISTMAS TOY TRENDS: RETAILERS REPORT SHORTAGE OF POWER ARMOR FIGURINES."]

Arnold! What's that? Okay. Yes.

[sound of paper pages being flipped through]

Okay. Arnold just handed me a fun fact. We're gonna do fun facts, fun facts.

[The thirteenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA QUANTUM GETS FDA APPROVAL, FOUND TO CONTAIN 'HEALTHY AMOUNT OF RADIATION."]

Fun fact about the construction of these massive vaults: They use concrete. Hm. That hardly counts as a fun fact, Arnold. Now is there an update on when the door... the door's gonna be open? Arnold? I'm sorry, is there an update on the door? Is there an update on the crane? Is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Is it a pr- is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Arnold? Arnold! Arnie!

[sigh]

Okay...

[The news announcer gives up, and a song with a lot of muted trumpet comes in to serenade more scrolling headlines. "NO ONE'S BEATING THIS DEADHORSE. 'THE MAN FROM DEADHORSE' TOPS BOX OFFICE. A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS AT CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS." "ATLAS WEATHER EXPERIMENT BELIEVED TO BE THE CAUSE OF UNEXPECTED SNOW FLURRY IN LOS ANGELES." "DEVELOPING: REDS CONTINUES TO DENY EXISTENCE OF STEALTH SUBMARINES, US INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE." Woodwinds replace the trumpet, and the news announcer returns, pivoting to an unrehearsed sales pitch for his sponsor.]

If you have the money, please - please, guys - get a Vault-Tec vault. Get in there! Think of it as a life raft, a bit. Our country is the Titanic, and these vaults are the life rafts - right? - attached to the side of it.

[The seventeenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA MASCOTS 'BOTTLE AND CAPPY' TO APPEAR IN ANIMATED FILM FROM CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS. WILL BE THE FIRST IN A SEVENTEEN PICTURE DEAL BETWEEN THE COMPANIES."]

Now, were there enough life rafts on the Titanic? If you remember - no, no there weren't enough, and so many, many people died, and so, it's a nice allegory actually, because they're not going to die in the freezing ocean, which would be - actually, it's a little faster to die by fire than it is by drowning in the cold, so it is kind of an advantage to be dying now, th- rather than on the Titanic, the RMS Titanic.

[The eighteenth scrolling headline reads "SUPPLY LINES FOR RED FORCES BREAKING DOWN." Sort of like this announcer. He pivots again.]

Now - can you call a survivor of a nuclear holocaust a person, anymore? I don't know. Their brain is going to be cottage cheese, and they will be crawling... crawling on the ground, stuffing sand in their mouth, their blind eyes melted out, like the white of an egg, just dripping and dribbling out of their eye sockets.

[The nineteenth scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES COMPLETION OF VAULT 33 UNDER SANTA MONICA, CA."]

They raise their face towards their... god... and scream, "Nooooo! Whyyyyyy! What did it all mean?" It turns out it didn't mean much if you didn't get a spot in a Vault-Tec vault."

[The twentieth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY UNITS SENT TO QUELL UNREST IN SEVERAL STATES."]

"Now, let's talk about the luxury interiors of Vault-Tec vaults. We have camel leather. You've heard of cow leather. Probably. Camel leather is a great deal softer, isn't it? It comes from the camel, who keep their water on their backs in a hump. Sometimes two, if they're a dromedary. Now, let's talk about camel leather and why it is more supple, and why it is cooler to the touch, and we can talk about it forever but what you want is luxury, what you need is safety: Where you go is Vault-Tec. That's it.

[I feel like I need to point out that dromedary camels only have one hump, and no camels store water in their humps: It's actually just fat up there that they can live off of while traversing deserts. Regardless, the announcer is gone again. The scrolling headlines remain. "NUKA CORP SPINS OFF ATOMIC RESEARCH ARM INTO SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY AFTER SEC APPROV." "SUPER DUPER MART ANNOUNCES RECALL OF BLAMCO MAC & CHEESE FOR TRACE AMOUNTS OF DAIRY." "VAULT-TEC STOCKS SOAR AS US ECONOMY BECOMES FEAR-BASED." "BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND LASERS TAKE DOWN NATIONWIDE WEAPONS SMUGGLING RING." Another woodwind-heavy song starts up, and so does our announcer.]

Um... Arnold?

[throat clearing]

Arnie! Can we- do- do we have a- can we start a clock? Can we - is there, like, anything we can do? I feel like people need something to hold onto, there's a lot of empty air. There's a lot of dead air, here. People need something to hold onto, people are freaking out, and I'm freaking out because I like to have - I like to bring people comfort - uh, in, in this crazy time. There's, there's only a few things you can predict -

[laughter]

In - in the world, and uh, I thought that opening the vault on time would be one of those things.

[The twenty-fifth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY SETS THREAT LEVEL OF POSSIBLE BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ATTACK FROM REDS TO HIGH."]

I was kind of counting on it as a - a thing that would bring some amount of normalcy, some amount of comfort. Something happening the way it's supposed to in a world that feels like it has been turned upside down by evil. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Here we are. Another thing we don't know. Another thing we have to grapple with.

[The twenty-sixth scrolling headline reads "TEDDY FEAR MANUFACTURER SETTLES CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT, DENIES TOY BEAR CAUSES SLEEP PARALYSIS NIGHTMARES IN CHILDREN."]

This particular vault and these technical difficulties that we're having right now have absolutely nothing to do with the product that you will buy when you buy a Vault-Tec vault. Now, Vault-Tec vault living is living the dream, and it's the only way to safety unless you're... the President of the United States, or something like that, and you have a mountain in Colorado to go under and direct the events of the world. Not many of us are that, there's only one of those... uh, and his various and sundry advisors, I'm sure they'll be fine, but you won't! You won't be fine!

[The twenty-seventh scrolling headline reads "WERE TEDDY FEAR BEARS MISUNDERSTOOD? ONE PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO."]

If a vault is out of your price range, there are lower-cost alternatives to purchasing a spot with Vault-Tec. They don't sound... good, if you ask me. Anti-radiation pills? Good luck with that. Not sure how anti-radiation pills will hold up against temperatures rivaling the surface of the sun, for example. But maybe that's just me!

[He's gone again. We're 15 minutes into the countdown, and the woodwinds have really started to outdo their own whimsy, at this point. Headlines continue. "TEDDY FEARS SKYROCKET IN POPULARITY AND PRICE DUE TO SCARCITY CAUSED BY RECALL." "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES NEWLY AVAILABLE SINGLE VAULT SPACES FOR SALE." "THIS YEAR'S FALLOUT SUIT DESIGN FEATURES ENHANCED PROTECTION, 20% MORE ZIPPERS." The whimsical woodwinds finish up and a bouncy, brassy horn piece takes over. This summons the announcer.]

When you see that vault, it's all gonna be worth it, fellas. It's all gonna be worth it when you see that vault. Now kids, you're probably wondering: Can I bring my pet doggy, or my pet kitty, into the vault? You can't. Unfortunately... it's a hazard in so many different ways. Uh... tch, uh, their hair can get caught in the ventilation system, you'll have endless problems, where do you put their waste? Where do you put... their food? So many, so many problems, so... we have specially-made Vault-Tec gravestones.

[The thirty-first scrolling headline reads "VIRGO II LUNAR LANDER NOW ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY IN WASHINGTON, D.C."]

We have specially-made Vault-Tec pet gravestones for your children to have many funerals for their pets before you go into your Vault-Tec vault. Memorialize your pets now with Vault-Tec mini pet gravestones! Dig a hole in the sand, put the pet in there, and put that gravestone - and it's got a space where you can write the pet's name - right before you go in the vault, no pets in the vault. Not even fish. No, not even fish.

[The thirty-second scrolling headline reads "FLAG FROM VIRGO II LUNAR LANDING STOLEN FROM MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY." The news announcer is really getting aggravated.]

What is happening? What is - Arnie! What is - what is happening? Okay - okay! Alright!

[The music and the headlines fill the space again. "NUKA-WORLD TO RAISE TICKET PRICES FOR UPCOMING SEASON, EXPECTING AN 'EXPLOSIVE' YEAR." "GWINNETT ANNOUNCES NEW PALE ALE SO PALE IT'S TRANSPARENT." "HAPPY NATIONAL SOCK HOP DAY!" "VAULT BOY NAMED WORLD'S SEXIEST MAN." The news announcer tries again, attempting to play up the complete inactivity happening onscreen.]

So much is happening here, we've got... the crane, as you can see, it's - it's about to be lowered, and I'm told - and I'm told... the weather. The inclement weather is - keep - I think the weather... there's a pressure cha- it needs to be - yes, of course. The pressure needs to be right to open the vault, or else the differential pressure between underground and overground will cause... a, uh... uh, the furniture to, uh...

[The thirty-seventh scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC REGISTERS TRADEMARK ON THE THUMBS UP EMOJI." This one made me physically recoil.]

L- Look... get a Vault-Tec vault. If you can't afford a whole vault for your family, that's fine. Buy time in a timeshare, one of our timeshares. And it's not the kind of timeshare you're going to regret, this is one that's not a scam, because you can look down at your intact body in a Vault-Tec vault and say, "Look at me! I'm whole!"

[The thirty-eighth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA PATRIOTICALLY SALUTES SUCCESS OF NEWEST FLAVOR LAUNCH - NUKA-COLA VICTORY. EXCLUSIVE REDESIGN COMING NEXT YEAR WITH 'A TASTE AS SWEET AS FREEDOM.'"]

Stay whole in a Vault-Tec vault! Keep it together, meaning your corporeal form! Keep it together in a Vault-Tec vault! You'll be skipping around in a workout area, and... check out those barbells! Why not work those biceps while you're down here? What if there's an emergency, and somebody breaches your Vault-Tec vault door? Well, you're gonna want to be in shape to fight off that rageful beast!

[At this point the scrolling headlines loop back to the beginning.]

Now, is it a human? If you kill it, will its soul go to heaven or hell? Don't worry about it! Just get it out, because even its presence in your Vault-Tec vault could kill you and your entire family! These people are irradiated. It's not healthy, right? It's like putting your hand on a radiator. Don't do it.

[Music break. That vault still isn't opening. The song ends, and the news announcer clears his throat.]

We don't... have the exact scoop yet, ladies and gentlemen, so Arnie, why don't we put some music on while we wait for the skinny?

[noticeable pause]

I- I- I- I- don't know what song, put on anything, I'm dying up here.

[The next song opens with energetic trumpets that sound like they're charging through a movie theater snack stand. It's followed by a big band track that seems to re-energize the announcer.]

And, if you're just joining us, we're preparing to head inside the latest and greatest product offering from Vault-Tec. Vault 33, a pristine subterranean society purpose-built for America's best and brightest to wait out the nuclear fallout. There's no telling what will remain once this global conflict reaches its inevitable conclusion: That's why it's important for patriots like you to purchase a guaranteed spot in America's future. It's up to you to keep our golden society going, propagating forth until we have the ranks to repopulate the world outside.

"What if I don't have a partner or family right now?" you may be asking. "Don't give up on love so soon!" I say. Where better to meet eligible partners than in a cherry-picked community of like-minded individuals? If you find you need a bit more assistance, Vault-Tec has breeder search programs to help you find the one, or the two, or the three, four, five! Vault-Tec is a very open society, so go ahead and purchase that single vault space, and that single may become a double before you know it! And what better place to find someone to love, than safe underground?

Please stay tuned as we prepare to bring the crew, and the world at large, inside our Vault-Tec facility.

"But what if I don't have the money for a vault right now?" you may be thinking. You should never let not having the funds today stop you from reaching your dreams. You can always pay tomorrow, into perpetuity. Vault-Tec is reportedly constructing financial packages that allow for customers to continue payments on select economy vaults, in the event of total societal extinction. So don't worry, purchase away! Vault-Tec upholds traditional American values, and they believe no one should be excluded from the pursuit of life, liberty, and debt.

[Music break, wherein the song concludes and switches to something more pensive and staccato.]

A- Alright? Yes? Arnold is telling me - yes? We are moments away! Moments away - from having some kind of movement here. I'll believe that when I see it. Sorry Arnie, but your credibility with me could not be any lower at this point.

Let's talk about the amenities in these concrete miracles. Radiation King will be providing television sets, modern kitchen appliances.

[throat clearing]

The sofas will be... I'm sorry, do we know who makes the sofas? I'm sorry, do we - do we know who makes the sofas? Do we know who makes the sofas? Arnold, do we know who makes the sofas?

[Arnold does not reply. The announcer is miffed.]

What else is new. Yeah.

[Dejection turns to anger immediately.]

If you could please just give me something? If you could please just give me something to update? I'm sitting here with nothing! I'm sitting here... with nothing! This isn't my job! I'm a journalist! I report things, I don't... vamp! Is there even a - is, is there a clue? Is there, do the crane people - have the crane people chimed in? Have the door people chimed in? Is it all one person?

[Arnold presumably says some inaudible form of "I don't know." This does not please the news announcer.]

Well maybe con- maybe connect yourself to them. You should get yourself a radio. Get yourself a radio, Arnold. That's your job, to communicate with me the facts about what's going on, and it's my job to communicate to the people who are watching - we're trying to save their lives - you know, and this isn't advertising for me. This is a product I believe in!

Arnold, what do you do? What skills do you - are you somebody's son? Are you - are you somebody's kid, or something?

[Arnold can finally be heard, somewhat garbled from distance or technology: "My uncle is, uh, is the general manager of Galaxy News, your employer." The news announcer considers this.]

Your uncle is the manager of Galaxy New - mmm. Well, that explains how you got this internship. I'm sorry for everything I said, but... you can understand my frustration, here.

[The music concludes, but the announcer keeps going.]

The, uh, vault foreman is out here, and he is, uh, uh, doing hand signals. Ooh, yes, it's going to be a while, let's play some music for the people, Arnie.

[A new song starts. We're nearly 30 minutes into the countdown before the song switches over and the news announcer starts up again.]

All right folks, we have an update! They've got eyes on the gatekeeper out walking the grounds. It appears he was attempting to retrace his steps after misplacing the key and his wallet - still no word on the key itself, please stand by for more on the wallet, as this story continues to unfold.

Still on standby as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve, but folks, there is plenty to get the American public up to speed on in the meantime. World news stories! Breaking, breaking news from the international desk. Peace negotiations between America and her adversaries crumbled in Anchorage, Alaska, this past weekend, a city recently liberated from foreign occupation, leading experts to believe nuclear war is indeed on the horizon. One more reason, America, to tune into the presentation Vault-Tec has for us today. Preparation, resilience, and smart spending are the only way our precious republic makes it through that long, dark night.

[This revelation approximates the date of the broadcast, which is happening not long after the Battle of Anchorage. The clash in Alaska officially ended on January 10, 2077: This news bulletin proves that attempted peace negotiations followed, then failed.]

Going the way of the dinosaurs has never felt this fun! If only the dinosaurs had Vault-Tec technology. Now, the dinosaurs died because... a meteor came from space, right? They had nothing to do with it. We have everything to do with our own demise. It's almost like… people are a virus that is destroying the Earth, we're a planet-killing virus. And people do say, "Oh, well, you know, well, the cockroaches... will outlive us and the the aardvarks or whatever will outlive us." Well, they won't. They're going to die too, because this is the real deal, guys. This is the end. So if you're not underground, I don't know what you're doing.

I wonder how we'll evolve. Will we develop a different kind of skin, some kind of leathery, plastic skin to fight off the nuclear fire? Who knows, but the only way to find out is to purchase a Vault-Tec vault, or a space in one of our timeshares.

[Music break again. It's a rather lively waltz.]

For those gathered around their Radiation King TV sets today, thank you for your patience. Rome wasn't built in a day!

[laughter]

Very soon you will witness… one of the greatest modern advances since the Virgo II moon landing - you won't want to miss this, the future of you and your future children depends on it.

[Exasperation sets in.]

Honestly, who wrote this copy?

[Arnold presumably raises his hand.]

You did, Arnold? Well, that's not surprising. It leaves… yes, well, it leaves a lot to be desired. They couldn't hire a professional writer? You look like you're 15 years old.

[Arnold inaudibly corrects him.]

You're 23? Yeah, well, 23-year-olds look like they're 15 now, still too young. What could you know about the - what could you possibly know about the written word, Arnold? Goddamn it. What could you - what do you know about writing and oratory? Nothing, I'll answer y- for you, nothing. The lack of professionalism - myself not included - disgusts me. The lack of professionalism disgusts me, Arnold!

Speaking of nuclear fire, you should see the muffin tray they left out for me. People want a blueberry mu- you want a muffin, okay? A muffin. Not a little squirt of dough, with a little powdered su- give me a muffin, give me a real thing, okay? Give me some snacks! You're going to give me some coffee? Good. I need a snack, to balance it. I'm not the only person in the world who needs a little bit of fat in their stomach when they eat a... big haul of caffeine.

[throat clearing]

Stand by as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve.

[The music does some flourishes, then finishes.]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. And before we can open the vault - Vault 33, our flagship vault, full of the, uh, finest luxury items available to mankind, a- as of now - maybe we could put something on to keep people company while we figure out the technical difficulties. Sorry, these difficulties of course have nothing to do with Vault-Tec's vault tech. In- in- indeed…

Look, I need to have a whole cigarette right now. Just put on the song. Where are my smokes?

[The music starts up again while the announcer burns through a cigarette at the speed of a Corvega.]

Well, well, well! Here we are again! Ladies and gentlemen, we're dealing with a hiccup. Now, hiccups... might seem like a momentary stoppage, but this is a big hiccup. It's like God is hiccuping.

Vault-Tec is reporting that there's only one gatekeeper and one key on this vault model. The keys for these vaults are one of one, it fits like a glove, but it's - it's - these - these locks are very, very complicated.

God, it's so good to be on the other side of this. I don't think people know. People really don't know what's coming, and that's probably good. If you haven't watched… if you haven't watched the news up to this point, don't pick it up. Don't… just try and stay ignorant, uh, really don't find out what's going to happen because… it's bad, um, it's over.

[laughter]

The Earth is a slaughterhouse, and we are cattle!

[laughter]

We- we'll go back into, uh, a society resembling Bronze Age Mesopotamia. That's where we're going. It's not fun. Um... disease is… really prominent, um… we don't treat women well - let's just face it, it's - they - we don't treat them well now, but back then… oof. Rough. Rough treatment of women. You think we're racist now?

It's going to get bad. Where you want to be is underground. Vault-Tec vaults.

[A really tinny muted trumpet rises to its occasion as he disappears again for a bit.]

You know what else is great about Vault-Tec vaults? The air purification system. Let's talk about air. You need air to breathe, I need air to breathe, we need air to breathe. Vault-Tec's got it in spades! We've got oxygen candles straight from our finest nuclear submarines that you can burn, that turn nitrogen and carbon dioxide into oxygen molecules. Perfectly breathable, perfectly safe for your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children in case we're there for three sweaty generations of sweaty living underground! In a fresh vault!

In fact, we put a family in a vault for 10 years and let them out just to see how it would go… and here they are now! "We loved it, uh… We loved it! That was great!" Uh… that's - I'm making it up! I'm making that up. I am imagining what could happen if I had more information about the vaults, but I don't have that information, so I'm making it up! Ha! Vault-Tec vaults, yes. Say yes to the tech!

[The music saves us for a bit.]

Unfortunately, we are back, the vault hasn't opened, and we have had absolutely no movement towards the vault opening, so! Hope you enjoyed that music. I know I was tapping my feet. Let's get back into it, where are we?

The US government has been quietly testing T-60 power armor suits as part of their long-standing defense contract with West Tek, following up the T-45 and T-51 efforts in the ongoing war with the People's Liberation Army.

[hisses through teeth]

How about that? How about that. The Man from Deadhorse gallops to a fast start at the box office! The Howard-led western is said to be the next smash for California Crest Studios.

[So the ghoul's name is probably Howard Something, or Something Howard. Interesting, but the announcer doesn't care and decides to throw another tantrum.]

Am I crazy or is this taking forever? I don't think I'm crazy, but I feel crazy! In fact, I might be the only person involved in this whole production who hasn't lost his mind! I'm looking at you, Arnie, I'm looking at you!

[Looking at Arnie yields nothing, again.]

"You don't know what to do, you don't know what to do." You idiot! I can't even get the word- I can't even get the information from you. Worthless!

[grunt of rage]

It's just me and Arnie here, I'm in hell, he's sitting there smiling at me, I'm in absolute hell!

Do you have a spot, Arnie? Do you have a spot in a vault? Oh! You do! What vault is that?

[long pause]

Oh, that's the one I'm in. Oh. Dear God.

[deep breath]

I guess we should get to know each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't even know what's wrong here… but I can assure you that what isn't wrong is Vault-Tec technology, this has nothing to do with Vault-Tec's patented lock technology and everything to do with stupid people and human error. If you're this inefficient at work, what is home li- do - how do you wipe yourself?

[Uncalled-for, news announcer man.]

Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this music while we figure out what's going on.

[Musical break number who knows. Just over 11 minutes remain on the countdown.]

In other sponsored news, Nuka-Cola is celebrating the success of one of their newest flavor launches, Nuka-Cola Victory, with an exclusive redesign release later next year. Students that read over 10,000 books can be part of the ZAP IT! Program, rewarding literacy with sugar!

[deep breath]

I don't like Nuka-Cola. Personally... I don't like Nuka-Cola. Too sweet. I don't drink it. But it's popular, I have stocks in it, I invest - I invest in it. I don't drink it. It's the way the world is. Just because it's popular, doesn't mean it's good, just because it's good, doesn't mean it's popular. A can of Nuka-Cola, what is that, it's energy slowed down, right? It's the energy of the universe slowed down, right? What are we, what am I? We are energy slowed down into the form of a human being. All that's about to stop.

[laughter]

All that's about to stop! All that's about to go away! Maybe there's life on other planets. Maybe there's not. Are they going to come save us, no! If I were on another planet, and I came here, I would have an endless belly laugh at our folly, I mean, the folly of man! It's funny, there's so much written about the "folly of man." I mean, read Moby-Dick. Read… uh… what di- what happened with the - the wax wings, the wax wing guy? Wax wing man, Mr. Wax Wings, Daedalus. What's his name?

[Arnold hazards a guess we can hear: "Shakespeare?"]

Arnold, Shakespeare? Arnold, Arnold, good god… Shakespeare? Where did you go - you went to one of these hippie schools...

[Arnold tries again: "I think it was Icarus?" The announcer is ecstatic.]

Icarus! Icarus. Wow! You are good for something. Wow, Arnie!

Now, Icarus, he was close to the sun. In a Vault-Tec vault, you'll be as far from it as possible. You will be up to 50 feet underground, in a Vault-Tec vault, safe and sound in the knowledge that the wax on your wings will not be anywhere close to anything that will make it melt, except our new Vault-Tec oven!

[The horns come in again.]

Where are you f- what's your family situation? Do you have kids or…

[Arnold probably shakes his head.]

No kids? Good for you.

[laughter]

Are you single?

[Arnold: "Yeah."]

Ahh, yeah. I wouldn't recommend going into a vault single. You might want to lock someone down and take you in there - if only to help you fight - and, uh, survive, it's good to have a partner. Yeah… oof!

Anyway, glad I'm safe and secure in my vault! Um… I'm in the tax bracket that kind of... automatically gets a vault, so, sorry everybody. Uh… I'll be, uh, doing this thing called surviving, while you are all burning.

[deep breath]

What's the point of any of this? What's the point of any of this? Nobody - nobody listening to this can afford one of these things. Everybody listening to this is about to turn into an idea!

[laughter]

Instead of a being! But, here we are! Let's whoop it up! Let's whoop it up! It's a big parade… for the end of mankind! It's a big parade! Here's the final celebration, Arnie! Here we are!

Let's stake our claim in a dying planet! Let's plant our flag in a dead rock, and see how we feel. Let's see how we feel after the flag is planted, Arnie.

[a deep sigh]

I don't know how much longer I can do this, man.

[another deep breath]

My voice hurts, I'm thirsty, we're out of water, the muffins they laid out at the top of the day are dry and old, I feel dry and I feel old.

I give up! I give up.

[chuckles]

What's the point of this? I mean, what's the point of anything? I'm... I'm broken.

[Emotion creeps in.]

I'm broken. I'm changed. I am broken and I have changed. I…

[one more deep breath]

Thanks to you, Arnie. Thanks to you, man. Thanks, you're the best, yeah, thanks to you, pal. Thanks to you, buddy boy. You are just awful. You disgust me. Yeah, I'm just - I'm sorry. I'm - I'm just… I'm fried, man. I'm - I'm fried, pal. I'm fried. Dead. Gravestone, dead. Oh yeah, that's, okay.

Oh, god. Where are we in the process of the door opening?

[Arnold: "Yeah, it's over."]

What?

[A record scratch stops the music. Two minutes remain on the countdown.]

What's that? Oh!

[The announcer clears his throat, and the music changes to a triumphant fanfare.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word. Ladies and gentlemen... I've gotten word that we are star- we are starting, ladies and gentlemen. It's happening! Here we are! Here we are, we got it, we got it, and now…

N- and now, this afternoon is unlike any other afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It was the morning, now it's the afternoon - here we go! The crane is loweri- Here we go!

[relieved laughter]

Okay! Really close to the time where I can go, and get out of here! The crane is lowering, it is happening, the tumblers are tumbling! The crane is lowering, the tumblers are tumbling, we are… go! We're going! It's opening! It's opening!

[The static image of the vault has not changed in the slightest bit.]

You try doing this! You try doing this, Arnie! You try filling the time! Next time we'll switch places, Arnie, and you can try it! Oh boy, oh boy, here we go, thank god we're doing it and it's happening. I see motion, I see- I see Vault-Tec… I am convinced! Guys, this is great, it's been great, Arnie? It's been great. Arnie, it's been great. You know, I hope we are in the same vault. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, Arnie.

[slightly unhinged laughter]

As long as this happens right now, I am fine with spending the rest of my life with you! As long as the vault opens right now. The fact that nuclear fire could fall from the sky at any moment has made this broadcast that much more important. Thank you, thank you so much for joining us!

[oneforthemunny]

a-maze-ing |cowboy!eddie munson x reader|

prompt: cowboy!eddie takes you to a haunted corn maze.

apart of my spooky stories series!

contains: mainly fluff but alludes to smut at the end. reader being scared but that's about it. nothing graphic or scary, mainly just sweet (and smutty) the way we love our cowboy. you can read all the cowboy!eddie works and lore here.

“Eddie.” 

You hissed, hair whipping in the cold, Indiana air towards him. Eddie snickered, an amused grin pulling at his lips, eyes shining even in the dark of the night. He was hatless tonight, joked that you would knock it off jumping on him and he’d lose it. You rolled your eyes, but you knew he was probably right. 

You rubbed a hand over the fat of your hip where he’d pinched. Fucker knew you were tickilish and nervous- he knew you’d jump. It’s exactly why he did it. 

“Oh, c’mon,” Eddie hummed, hand sliding over yours, pulling you into his chest, swaying with you. “‘M just teasin’.” 

“Well, stop.” You huff, eyes cutting at the people around you. All ages, young and old, loaded up to come walk through the infamous haunted corn maze. You blamed the new Children of the Corn for the newfound obsession that everyone had- well, everyone but you. 

“Are you really that scared?” Eddie frowned, belt buckle digging into your back when he held you tighter to him. “It’s not gonna be that bad.” 

“I don’t like being scared.” You mumbled, your own hands clinging to the forearms that circled you. 

“C’mon, they’re not gonna scare you that bad.” Eddie muttered, lips pressing to the top of your head in a coaxing kiss. “Can’t touch you either, so won’t be that bad. Promise.” 

“Yeah,” You mutter, taking a shuffling step towards the booth to pay. “How do you know they won’t grab me and scare me?” 

“They won’t.” Eddie said surely, hands rubbing over your jacket covered arms. 

“How do you know?” You frowned up at him. “It’s dark in there.” 

“I’ll kick their ass if they touch you,” Eddie shrugged easily, so cool and casual it made your tummy flip with heavy. “How’s that?” 

You bit back a smile, pulling out of his grasp lightly. “Fine.” You sigh, watching the couple before you, excited and jittery, disappear into the maze. “But you have to go first.” 

“Was planning to anyway.” Eddie smirked, fishing his wallet out of his jeans. “Gotta make sure there’s no snakes.” 

“What?” You snapped, louder than you meant to, pulling the attention of the couple behind you. “Snakes? They-They’re gone, right? They, like, hibernate or migrate, right? You’re joking? You’re joking.” You rambled frantically. Suddenly the jump scare actors with fake chainsaws weren’t so scary. 

Eddie snorted lightly, pulling out cash for the tickets. “‘M kiddin’.” He looked at you softly, sliding the bills over to the worker. “But, if there’s a few stragglers, I wore my snake stompin’ boots.” He winked at you, boot bumping your own sneakers. 

“Alright, you’re good to go in. You both enjoy.” The lady smiled, nodding towards the maze. 

Eddie shoved his wallet back in his jeans, his hand grabbing your own clammy one, holding it tightly. “You ready?” He grinned, the thrum of the Halloween creepy soundtracks getting louder and louder. 

“No.” You mutter, nails already digging into his forearm. 

Eddie chuckled, wiggling his arm out of your grip, wrapping around you to pull you into his chest. “I got you.” He muttered, rounding the first dark corner of the corn stalks. 

You barely made it past the first scare, a deranged looking scarecrow jumping out at you with a bloody face before you screeched, launching your face in Eddie’s neck. He laughed, holding you close, far too calm to be experiencing the same thing you were. No jumps or squeals when the “farmer” came at you with the bladeless chainsaw. He didn’t even jump at the end when the final scarecrow, a seemingly normal one on a post, jumped down to chase you around the corner. 

You had screamed, yanking Eddie around the corner with you while he laughed- laughed. A full belly, amused laugh. The same one he gave you when you saw his barn cat, Phoenix, carrying his caught prey of a mouse in his mouth, bringing it proudly to the two of you. Eddie had nearly fallen over, sides in aching stitches when you’d screeched, running from the cat and to the house. It was the same now, pure amusement at your misery. 

“You’re mean.” You huffed, arms crossed at the exit. You had sprinted towards it when you saw the end, not chancing another scarecrow or clown or whatever chasing after you. 

Eddie laughed still, swiping at his eyes. “Oh, baby, that was good, c’mon.” He shook his head, stepping beside you. “C’mon, it was not that scary.” 

“Did we go through the same thing?” You huffed. “That was horrible.” 

“I had a great time.” Eddie smirked, his arm finding its way back to your waist. You shrugged it off, walking ahead. 

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that.” Eddie cooed, you could still hear the smile in his tone. “Baby, it was not that bad.” 

“You’re annoying.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest. “You laughed at me the whole time.” 

“Can you blame me?” Eddie shrugged. His hand caught your waist, fingers catching through the loop of your jeans to pull you back. “You were screamin’ and hollerin’-” 

You shoved him off you, his hand grabbing back at your waist to keep you in place, pulled into his side. “Hey,” Eddie’s tone dropped, making you shudder in his arms. You’d blame it on the chill of the night. “I’m just teasin’ you, alright? Don’t get fussy with me.” 

“Well, stop.” You pout, Eddie’s hand tightening around your hip, flustered at your little jut in your lip. “It’s not funny to me. I only did this for you, and you’re making fun of me.” 

“I would never.” Eddie said firmly. “You’re just cute, ‘s all.” Your cheeks heat under the cold of the air. Eddie ducks down, pressing a kiss to the icy skin. “You know you are. Cute when you’re scared.” 

“Great.” You mutter, rolling your eyes, but your tone is lighter now. Still clinging to Eddie sweetly. “You only think I’m cute when I’m about to go into cardiac arrest.” 

“No,” Eddie grinned, curls bobbing when he shook his head. His free hand dug in his utility jacket for the truck keys. “Think you’re cute always.” He schmoozed, sweet and silly, it made your head spin. 

Eddie reached for your door, pulling it open for you. “I just like hearin’ you scream.” He rasped, lips nearly to yours when you passed. You flushed, knees buckling when you climbed in. Eddie gave you a half grin, reaching for the Spirits in his pocket. “Think I wanna hear you scream some more. That alright with you, sweet girl?” 

Your head bobbed, eyes glazing with excitement, glowing in the dim light from the Jack-O-Lantern’s that surrounded the field parking. Eddie grinned, tapping out a cigarette. “Good. Wanna see if I can get you real scared. Hear you scream real loud. Maybe they’ll hear it back here, ya think?” Eddie had your legs up in either one of his calloused hands back at his house, pounding you on the porch with such a punishing pace because he knew it would have you clawing at his arms, screaming out for him.

[multireese]

Roronoa Zoro x Male Reader

You left your small fishing village and joined the straw hat crew as their doctor. Luffy asked you to join when you saved his friend Zoro after receiving near-fatal chest wounds in a fight.

Zoro could not respond but he did remember the way you would speak to him as if you knew he would survive. He will never forget how gentle you were with taking care of him. Zoro swore he would protect you by any means for what you did for him.

Zoro trains you in sword fighting. He appreciates how hard you work to impress him. "Good boy." he'll say and ruffle your hair. Not in front of the others of course.

You were also trained in types of holistic healing and massage therapy. Zoro saw you rubbing Nami's shoulders to relieve some of her tension and he sulked the whole day. When you checked on Zoro to make sure he was healing properly he sweetly asked for a massage too. You had to hold back your reaction. Even as a respected medical professional, it was hard to not notice how handsome and strong the swordsman was.

Zoro was flirtier than you expected him to be. He rested his hand on the small of your back for a little too long anytime he wanted to move around you. Zoro looked at everyone as if he were judging them but there was a different look in his eyes when he gazed at you.

Zoro wasn't much of a comedian but he loved to make you laugh. The two of you eventually had plenty of inside jokes. ones you could understand by simply looking at each other.

You didn't understand why Zoro was such a feared infamous assassin. that was until another pirate captain took notice of your skill and decided to take you captive on his crew. Zoro cursed himself for allowing that dirty pirate the opportunity to take you from him. "Return the doctor to us and no one has to die," you were in the hull handcuffed when you heard Zoro's voice from the upper deck. Next the sounds of metal clanging and bodies dropping. Zoro rushed in to slice the cuffs off of you and pull you into a kiss.

"I'll never let this happen again Y/N. I swear to you I will always protect you." He pulled you into a deeper kiss.

"Did I miss something?" Nami asked. "This is great! Two of my favorite people are in love." Luffy basically yelled.

[descendant-of-evil]

Under Her Shadow| Gil LeGume

Pairing: Platonic!Gil x Mal's Sister!Reader

Word Count: 1,667

Trigger warning: this story contains themes of emotional neglect and family dysfunction.

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a one-shot, so please don't be too harsh on me...

Summary: Basically it's a sad & lonely-reader meeting and befriending the ball-of-sunshine that is Gil LeGume...

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

You stand in a secluded alley on the Isle of the Lost, watching as Mal and her friends wreak havoc on the poor inhabitants of this forsaken place. You are Mal's younger sister, but it often feels like you don't even exist to your own mother, Maleficent, who openly favors Mal over you, always praising her older daughter's every move and putting her on a pedestal. Meanwhile, you are left in the shadows, feeling invisible and unwanted.

You watch as Mal struts around with her new friends, Jay, Evie, and Carlos. They are now the most infamous gang of Vks on the İsle, known as the "Core Four", and Mal is the leader. They’ve been inseparable since going on that crazy quest (that you weren’t part of) to retrieve Maleficent’s scepter: The Dragon’s Eye.

As you see them all laughing and joking together, a bitter wave of loneliness washes over you (despite knowing that deep down, you'll never fit in with them, no matter how hard you try). You have no one to talk to, no one to confide in, and no one to call a friend.

You try to approach Mal, to see if she'll pay any attention to you, but she brushes you off with a wave of her hand. She's too busy with her new friends, and you're just an afterthought. As the day wears on, you find yourself feeling more and more isolated. You watch as Mal and her friends plan their next scheme, and you know you'll never be a part of it.

Eventually, you decide to wander off on your own. You find yourself in the docks, sitting on a barrel, feeling sorry for yourself. You can't help but wonder why your mother doesn't love you as much as she loves Mal. What did you do wrong?

As you sit there, lost in your thoughts, a shadow falls over you. You look up to see a boy standing in front of you, his arms crossed over his chest. It's Gil LeGume, son of Gaston.

"What are you doing here all alone?" he asks, his voice surprisingly gentle.

You shrug your shoulders, not really knowing how to answer.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern etched on his face.

You shake your head, tears threatening to spill over. "No," you whisper.

Gil sits down beside you, and you're surprised at how comfortable you feel around him. You've always been too disgusted by Gaston and his sons to talk to them, but Gil seems different.

"What's wrong?" he asks, his voice soft.

Trusting your instincts, you take a deep breath and tell him everything. About how Maleficent favors Mal over you, about how you feel invisible and unwanted. About how you're always left out and never included.

Gil listens intently, his eyes never leaving yours. When you're finished, he puts his arm around you, and you lean into him. It's the first time in a long time that you've felt comforted.

"You know," Gil says, "Blood-Family isn't everything. You don't need the approval of your mother to be happy."

You look up at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that you shouldn't have to strive to be like Mal, for Maleficent’s approval. You don't have to follow in her footsteps. You can be your own person, and make your own choices. You can do whatever you want and be whomever you want to be… That’s what İ did and İ’ve never been happier."

You nod, feeling a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time. Maybe he's right. Maybe you don't have to be in Mal's shadow forever.

Gil stands up, pulling you to your feet with him. "Come on," he says, "Let's go to Ursula’s Fish and Chips, I heard that the fries are on discount today."

You smile, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders. Maybe today isn't so bad after all. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find your own place in the world, away from Mal's shadow.

As you and Gil walk through the Isle of the Lost, you start to see things in a different light. You notice people and places that you've never seen before, and you begin to realize that there's a whole world outside of Mal's group.

You and Gil sit on a bench, eating your chips and talking about everything and nothing. You tell him about your favorite things, like reading and drawing, and he tells you about his love for pirating and sports.

It's the first time in a long time that you've had a real conversation with someone, and you realize how much you've been missing out on.

When the sun starts to set, Gil walks you back to your home. You thank him for spending time with you, and he gives you a smile that makes your heart flutter.

As you walk into your house, you're surprised to see Maleficent waiting for you. She looks angry, and you feel a pang of fear in your chest.

"Where have you been, Y/N?" she demands, her eyes narrowed.

"I was just out," you say, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Out where?" she snaps.

"Just around," you say, feeling a knot form in your stomach.

Maleficent glares at you for a few more seconds before storming off, leaving you standing there, feeling small and insignificant.

You walk up to your room, closing the door behind you. You sit on your bed, staring at the wall, feeling tears sting your eyes. You thought maybe things were going to change, but now you feel like you're right back where you started.

As the night wears on, you can hear Mal and her friends laughing and having fun outside your window. You try to ignore them, but their voices carry, taunting you with their happiness.

You pull your blanket up around your shoulders, feeling alone and forgotten. You try to remind yourself of what Gil said earlier, that you don't need to be like Mal or her friends, that you can make your own choices.

But it's hard to believe that when you feel so unloved and unwanted.

Eventually, you fall asleep, but your dreams are plagued with visions of Mal and Maleficent, both of them looking down on you with disdain.

When you wake up in the morning, you feel drained and exhausted. You don't want to face another day of feeling like you don't belong.

But then you remember Gil's words, and you decide to try to take his advice. You grab a notebook and start to write, letting your imagination run wild.

As the day wears on, you find yourself getting lost in your poetry, forgetting about the world outside your bedroom window.

You're surprised when you hear a knock on the balcony of your window. You look up to see Gil standing there, a shy smile on his face.

"Hey," he says, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again today?"

You smile, feeling warmth in your chest. Maybe things are starting to change after all.

Together, you and Gil explore the Isle of the Lost, discovering new places and things to do. You feel like you're finally starting to find your own place in the world, as your own person.

As the sun starts to set, you and Gil sit on a rooftop overlooking the Isle of the Lost. You talk about everything and nothing, and you realize how much you've come to value his friendship.

"You know," Gil says, "You're pretty fun to hang out with."

You laugh, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. "Thanks," you say, feeling a happiness that you haven't felt in a long time.

As the night wears on, you and Gil walk back to your house. You say goodnight, feeling a sense of contentment that you haven't felt in a long time.

But as soon as you open the door to your house, that sense of contentment disappears. Maleficent is waiting for you, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"Where have you been, this time?" she demands.

You feel a knot form in your stomach as you try to come up with an answer. "Out with a friend," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Maleficent glares at you, her eyes narrowing. "Out with a friend? Fool! Villains don't have friends, only allies… Your sister is a leader with three minions, why can’t you be more like her?" she says, her voice dripping with disdain.

You feel tears sting your eyes as you realize that nothing has changed. Maleficent still sees you as inferior to Mal, and nothing you do can change that.

But then you remember Gil's words, and you find a newfound strength inside of you. You stand up straighter, looking Maleficent in the eye.

"I'm my own person," you say, your voice steady. "I don't need to be like Mal to be happy."

Maleficent's expression softens for a moment, but then it hardens again. "You'll never be as good as Mal," she says, her voice cold.

You feel a sense of defeat wash over you as Maleficent walks away, leaving you standing there, alone and forgotten once again.

But then you remember the happiness you felt with Gil, and you realize that you don't need Maleficent's approval to be happy. You have your own interests and your own passions, and you don't need to live in Mal's shadow anymore.

From that moment on, you start to embrace your own identity. You spend most of your time with Gil, exploring the Isle of the Lost and discovering new things. You draw and read and write, finding joy in the things that make you unique.

And even though Maleficent still sees you as inferior to Mal, you now know that you don't need her approval to be happy. You have your own place in the world, away from Mal's shadow, and you've finally embraced the fact that you don't need to be anyone but yourself to be happy…

[taocard]

Please don't look at me like that...

♡ I grant a wish for whoever summons me and take one thing as a payment ♡ 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐚: How you scared him, but not in the normal sense 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Dazai Osamu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dazai Osamu was dashing and handsome, but often made suicidal jokes a lot and was looking for a beautiful woman to be his suicide partner. he was the guy who slacked off and tried to get out of doing paperwork, and very much enjoyed ticking off Kunikida at the ADA. the guy who had many things hiding behind his smile that hurts him in ways you can't imagine. he's dealing with it the best way he can with no help at all.

he was fine, he tells himself. keyword: was because then it all slowly started to come down when you entered the scene. you were gorgeous, breathtaking, and out of this world, and had a cute nose...you were the perfect suicide partner for him! he gently grabbed your hand, gave you a little kiss on the knuckle, and looked up into your eyes ready to ask his infamous quote, would you be willing to join me in a double suicide?   “no thank you” you replied Dazai was going to let out a sigh. no one was willing to join him- “I still have some things I’d like to do. But when I’m done, I’ll join you since I’ll have nothing else to do,” you added.

… ah, you were a literal angel. Your warm eyes seemed truthful and certain with what you said. Alright, he could wait. And maybe get to know you to know exactly who he’s jumping off a building with. that was his thought process before saying, "I’ll be waiting for you Belladonna. Don’t keep me waiting too long now, alright?” time passes rather quickly when you’re around him, he’s noticed. one minute he’s coming to you after getting chewed out by Kunikida to come to annoy you instead, and the next moment it's night time and you two are taking a walk while he talks about the most mundane things. you two just clicked though in a way he couldn’t quite explain. you were something like friends without needing the title to show it. he would tell you things about him on his own when he was bored. you would listen. he would see you out of work and drag you to come get some drinks with him. you complied. when you did the paperwork, he’d plop right next to you. he’d watch you work and you’d eventually do some of his work as well. if someone needed to quote on quote “babysit” Dazai, they would call you at one point when he gets ready to make a suicidal joke in a room full of people, his eyes met yours. it was similar to the first time you met purely because of how he had your undivided attention but there was something else. it makes him stop short, resembling a fish out of the water with the way he opened and closed his mouth. he can't explain what it was. hell, it keeps him up at night when he's looking up at the boring white ceiling. what exactly was it that was in your eyes that made him freeze. what was it that made him stop? and why was it because of you? it became like a puzzle to him. he thinks of each time your eyes were...light. and welcoming. and always listened to him, but in a way that was like you were available forever and it didn’t bother you and- oh. what you said when you first met each other, about having things to do, you always did them with him. whether it was getting a super rare sweet that you wanted to try, writing out a letter to a relative you haven’t spoken to in a while, or even something as plain as waiting outside the music shop so you can buy a new album from an artist you like that just dropped. it was the way you paid attention to him. the way you seemed to care. welcoming him with open arms and patiently waiting for him to come to you until he just leaps into your arms after enough times of practice. you looked at him like… like you would actually be saddened if he disappeared and left your life. that you enjoyed him being around and didn't care if he didn't even know his own personality …this was the first time Dazai felt afraid of someone in a way that didn’t threaten his life, oh but it sure as hell felt like it did you looked at him like you actually cared if he ended up disappearing. it made him feel cared for. maybe even safe with you. who’s he trying to trick? It's obvious he was like a little kitten in your hold. and that is exactly what terrified him.

[kitybur]

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 | 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐭

⌦ in which fans make a compilation of tanner and you moments.

[ ONE ]

— warnings: swearing, gn!reader, fluff, inappropriate joking

| may I please get a tanner × reader (there's no tanner love on this app) of any one of his streams that you want? or maybe even a ltlvc? just a cute and fluffy, established relationship stream! |

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

tanner and y/n being the it couple for 10 minutes straight

the video starts off with the usual self promotion before it gets into a brief summary of the point of the ten minute long video. a fan had put together clips from last to leave vc, roblox, and random streams and vlogs that captured cute, funny, sus moments between two infamous lovers.

it was no secret that tanner and y/n loved each other dearly; they showed it whenever they could. the fans loved it. they loved seeing two of their favourite influencers care so much for each other. therefore, the video was made. and the rest of the fan base couldn’t be thankful enough for this one person to create a memory log of worthy moments.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

you weren’t apart of the newest last to leave vc for isaac’s channel, only because you had a long day at work and didn’t feel like staying up for multiple hours or even days. this led to where you were now, walking into your boyfriend, tanners room to bring him a water bottle. he was just getting to plug his headphones in when you catch nick speaking.

“i’m projecting that y/n is gonna fall asleep first.” you can see yumi’s eyebrows clenched in confusion as he throws his hands in the air.

“their not even in last to leave vc,” he yells. “they’re just babying tanner!” the boys laugh as your jaw hangs slightly open, a glare resting on your face. tanner’s pointer finger comes to push your mouth closed in the softest way possible, and gently takes the water bottle from your hand.

“hey! stop stealing my boyfriend!” you hear isaac yell through the now connected headphones. you shake your head at the screen, giving tanner a long kiss to the cheek before you exit the room.

--

“tanner you have ten seconds to get out of your room. ten, nine—” tanner scrambled out of his chair and tripped over his feet to get out the door as the rest of the guys complained how easy his dare was. a couple seconds later, tanner returned with you thrown over his shoulder. his arm held the back of your thighs and you gripped onto his sweater from behind.

“i caught a fish! papa, i caught a fish on my run!” he joked, swinging around to show you in distress. schlatt stared at the screen much like yumi had before with his usual confused expression.

“did tanner just.. steal a person off the streets?” he asked, getting a laugh out of everyone including you who could hear him through the headphones. no one replied as they watched tanner slap your ass and walk over to his bed and all but throw you down on it. you shrieked as your back hit the mattress and the wind knocked out of you.

tanner laughed at the shocked expression on your face, before kissing your forehead and walking back to his set up, acting like nothing happened.

--

you walked into tanner's room to give him yet another water bottle after he had downed his in the first hour. you did not expect to see a ring with two bead eyes on his fingers, and you did not expect for him to start speaking and moving his hands like it was a mouth.

"uh.. i have water for you?" you said almost like a question, trying to defuse what was going on. you guessed it was a dare that isaac had given tanner. the hand turned to you and opened like the hand was gasping.

"thank you, beloved." it said, to which you nodded with a small laugh. "can i have a," the hand got closer to your face as tanner whispered. "kiss?" you looked to tanner and than the hand, contemplating if you should leave him hanging. with a sigh, you leaned down and pressed your puckered lips to the tip of tanner's fingers.

on your way out the door you could hear the yell of a 'hey!' from your boyfriend, expecting a kiss for him, not his hand.

--

it was the end of the challenge and tanner was celebrating his win, yelling in the process. he ran to his door and opened it, jumping up and down like a school girl had talked to her crush. "y/n! we're rich, baby!"

"did you win?" your voice was heard faintly through the call as you rushed upstairs to tanner.

"hell yes i did!" he cheered, picking you up by the waist and jumping with you. isaac found the bit hilarious, seeing you flop around in tanner's hold as you gripped his shoulders in fear of him dropping you. he put you down for a moment before you were picked back up bridal style this time. tanner did a couple squats with you in his arms, flexing and talking about how strong and manly he is. when he finally settled down, he brought you with him as he gave his final remarks on winning. he sat you on his lap, his fingers drumming on your thighs as he spoke before the video ended.

--

"hello? can you guys hear me?" tanner asks, checking his setting on the roblox screen.

"yeah, i can hear you." you reply, "can you hear me?"

"yeah, i can hear you baby." your stream caught your flared cheeks as you walked your character over to tanner's. "we gotta go, y/n!" he yelled, character starting to run. "where are the others?" you followed after his character.

"we don't need the others, sugar." you whispered into the mic. his character stopped running and slowly span to face yours.

"hell yeah, let's get out of here!"

--

you were alone in the game, running around to find anyone you could. the game seemed to hate you as entities would chase you ad no go away, camping you as you hid. "oh my fucking god!" you yelled, getting away from a monster.

"y/n?" you heard a distant call to your left. your character moved a one-eighty until you spotted tanner's.

"tanner!" your character ran for his. "thank goodness, i keep getting attacked."

"i'll protect you baby, dont worry." he said smugly, character walking away as yours followed him. you were both quiet for around two minutes when you heard the sound of one of the monsters near by. your characters started to run when the monster appeared out of nowhere, along with tanner screaming. "take them, not me! take them!"

"tanner! what the fuck!"

--

your character had been up on a shelf from spawning into the next room. you didn't move as soon as you spawned, so your character was standing still as you read your chat. when you came back to the game, you moved your characters head down to get a better view of where to step, that was when you saw tanner's pressed as close as it can get to the shelf and it's head moving side to side.

"tanner, what the hell are you doing?" you choked on a laugh as tanner's character backed up.

"you were just standing there, i had to shoot my shot. y'know?" he wiggled his eyebrows and you shook your head, getting off the shelf. "hey! i wasn't done!" he pouted.

"we've got a game to beat, loverboy." you lightly scolded. the inappropriate act on a more or less children's game, let alone on stream was enough to make the tips of your ears red and a roll of your eyes.

"you better pay me back, i was doing you good deed!"

"how would you like me to pay you back?" you asked, confused. he was silent for a moment before you spoke up. "actually, don't even say anything. don't answer the question."

--

you had shut down your stream after rage quitting the game, you died too many times to keep going. after that, you were found on tanner's stream as he was about to end it. he was talking to chat about random things that you weren't listening too, you just hung your arms loosely around his neck as your nose pressed into his shoulder. he knew you were there, chat could tell by the way his hand came up to rub your arm in a slow, steady motion that was luring you to sleep.

as he was finishing up saying goodbye, you waved to chat sleepily and bid your own goodbyes. the last thing chat saw was the kiss you pressed to the crown of tanner's head, and his dopy smile that followed along with it. awe's filled the chat before it was disconnected and you two were officially done with your online jobs for the day, and could spend the rest of your time swaddled up with each other.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

a/n: i changed the idea of the story so i had more to include, just wiritng for ltlvc i didnt have much ideas so i wanted to make a tanner fic that would be sorta long and gives more imagination. i hope thats okay! this may also be a multiple part thing, unless this is enough and someone else wants to request something for tanner!

[saintgoths]

ᴀɴɢᴇʟꜱ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ

POSSESSIVE!JOEL X SIREN!READER - VEHEMENT.

[PART EIGHT TO THE SIREN SERIES]. ITS ACTUALLY CALLED NOVEMBER.

WORD COUNT - 2,463.

RATING - 18+. [sexual innuendos].

SUMMARY - as joel no longer wants to have a secret affair with you, he gives you a dilemma.

feedback would be appreciated!

previous chapter - chapter seven.

It had been late September when both you and Shiloh started going fishing together, it had been a quick trip, but Shiloh hadn’t been passionate about going back to Jackson after the event, he had something else in mind and it was to take you to a private place that had been quite a distance from where you usually fished.

The building had been evidently abandoned, or used to be abandoned as usually left places would have the infected hiding in the dark ready to pounce whoever was lost and ignorant about how well they were at camouflaging. The architecture was towering enough to block the Sun from their eyes, and it had a few cracks along with moss and grown roots that covered the symbol of the building, it had slightly leaned to the side but seemed stable, it still looked pretty, you had thought, and hand in hand with Shiloh, you had allowed your partner to guide you inside the building.

“What is this place?” You had smiled and with your senses you had noted the scent of salt and chlorine.

With a smile, Shiloh gently curved his head to look at you. He had been pretty under the shade, the lights had been on but they were dim, but still enough to have the man glow as if he was an Angel. “This is a place where you can swim without having the potential of any other person seeing your true form.”

As your eyes glinted, you had easily come up with a joke. “Am I supposed to hide my identity?” You had asked and as he comedically rolled his eyes, Shiloh guided you to a door and pushed it open with his one hand, as the door had been old, there was a deep but sharp moan that had responded to the movement “You know what I mean,” he mumbled and once you had saw the sight of the pool which had been clean, you had considered Shiloh had come here before, slain the infected and cleaned up the pool so it could be safe for you to dip in.

“Pool water won’t automatically change me into a Siren,” you clarified, besides you knew how to control your transformation, if you had wanted to change you could, but you couldn’t do it when it came to salt water. It would take a Siren years to learn how to manipulate themselves to still be in their Human form if the Ocean water touched their skin.

You had stood at the top step that led into the water, ready to go in as you had loved the water. “And it took me many trips to the Ocean to gather salt water for you,” Shiloh said with a smile, and as you scrunched your nose, you easily allowed yourself to change once your body dipped inside the liquid. “Well, its mixed with salt water, it would’ve taken me a team to gather salt water to fill up that size of the pool.”

You had laughed as you floated on your back, your tail had gently whipped around as it flicked droplets of the pool’s water against your bare skin. You had sighed as you had spread your arms wide open, allowing the salty water to seep through your nose, your mouth, your eyes, everything, every time you had been away from water, you had missed it, the water was your home, your birthplace, where you had belonged.

“Your beauty---I mean your Siren form is beautiful,” Shiloh breathed out, he had been in his swim wear, shirtless, a view you had usually liked but you would’ve liked it even more if he was wet.

As you had turned to your stomach, you had gently moved your tail so you could push yourself further towards your lover. “When Joel first saw it, he was terrified.”

“He cannot see the beauty in it, it’s the infamous Human Fear,” Shiloh said as he sat on the edge of the floor, his legs inside the water as he lovingly watched you swim towards him, your webbed hands had placed against his knees, the texture of your smooth siren skin had caused him to shudder, but he loved it, it had made him want to feel your hands and body all other his skin, had speculated how it would feel, to make love to you in this form. “It’s good you’re not with him anymore,” he whispered as he drawled his head backwards. “Good that you’re not into him anymore.”

You had shyly smiled, regretful that you had slept with Joel behind Shiloh’s back. “What about the Siren Pack you used to belong to?” Shiloh asked as he slipped himself into the water, sucked in air between his teeth as he had taken in the cold water.

“A Chorus of Sirens,” you had corrected. “We’re called a Chorus of Sirens not a pack,” you had smiled as you wrapped your arms around his waist. “We had the best singers,” you explained. “Before everything had happened, we belonged to the Mediterranean Sea Chorus, but we often met with other Choruses, for traditional holidays, birthdays, parties,” you had sorrowfully smiled, “other traditions.”

“When the outbreak happened, each Choruses from different seas began to protect each other, especially against the Red Circle, they had wiped so much of us out, I was forced to go, to save myself and not look back, but before I did, I promised them that I’d come back, to look for them. I went everywhere, ever beach, seaside, I just couldn’t find them,” you said as you slowly let go of Shiloh who had looked at you with a specific expression, a look of interest and sorrow.

“So, when I came up with the conclusion that they must’ve all been killed off while fighting, I was angry, started coming to the beaches to find any man and eat them, but that all changed when I met---” you then stopped yourself and sighed, but with a short smile, you had felt Shiloh’s wet hand be placed against your cheek.

He had stared at you, had gently pushed your face for you to look at him, to see that he didn’t have a look of judgement, and then he spoke. “It all changed when you met Joel?” Shiloh had asked and with a sad smile you had felt his fingers move to your chin, your chin moving against his fingers as you nodded.

“Because I met Joel,” you agreed.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Once you had returned to Jackson you had been overrun by a crowd of curious people who had been willing to buy what you had been selling, fish to eat and fish to have as pets, you had a crowd trading with you, Bella who had been a part of the crowd had stood on the tip of her toes, her hand punched through the air as she crazily waved as a sign that she was coming towards you.

People were quick to leave with their new assets so there weren’t going to be much people that were going to hear the conversation you and your closest friend were going to share. “You came back later than usual,” Bella said, she had her signature red lipstick, a type of shade you would’ve disliked seeing on other people, but it had fit well on her, it was like the shade of blood from a freshly cut wound.

“Shiloh took me a place,” you shared and with a wink, Bella grinned at you. “You got down to business?”

With an arched eyebrow you placed one hand against your hip. “Of course.”

As much as you had wanted to share what Shiloh had done to you to your friend, the sight of Ellie had made you press your lips together, she had been excited to see you, and it appeared like she had left Joel’s home, she usually was in a chirpy attitude whenever she left his home, it must’ve meant they finished watching a movie.

“This time, I have to get a fish,” Ellie said and as you had happily showed Ellie which ones she could choose, Shiloh had been behind you, he had finished conversing with someone who was a part of the crowd that was buying from you.

He had his arm wrapped around your waist fore he briskly pressed his lips against your cheek, his motion had earned a disgusted look from Ellie. “I’ll be at the hospital,” Shiloh shared and as you had happily scrunched your nose you had bid your boyfriend a goodbye fore you had watched him leave.

-With a plastic bag that had held the fish she had wanted, a Betta Fish she had been unsure what to name it, she had told you to give it a day and she’d find the perfect name for it. “Did you use to be a diver?” Ellie inquired and with a smile, you had straightened your back.

“A free diver,” you corrected and with a look of admiration, Ellie had gasped, more reason to put you up on a pedestal. “Used to get into competitions as well,” you had winked and with excitement, the young girl had hopped on both her feet.

“Did you win any trophies?” Ellie asked and with a look sent her way, you had looked at her with a perceptive look on your face, telling her, “of course, I did.”

With a gasp, Ellie’s green eyes sparkled. “Do you have any of them?”

-“Ellie,” you drawled. “Of course not.”

Feeling stupid, Ellie had then frowned. “Of course not,” she repeated. “You probably lost all of them.”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

A couple of days had passed and you had found yourself in a bar, it had been Maria’s birthday and almost all the adults in the community had packed themselves into the building, fortunately, there had been space, space for people to dance around and dance with each other, hot food and drinks were being served, and you been right by Shiloh who had been drinking countlessly in the name of Maria.

Joel who had been on the other side of the room had watched you, you had felt it, every time his sight would glance over your body, as if he telepathically yearned for you to come speak to him. Though it had stopped, but every now and then Joel would steal a glance from you and Shiloh would be the one to catch it.

“Of course, he’s the jealous ex,” Shiloh slurred, eyes narrowed as he threw Joel threatening darts, Joel who had been unmoved by the slimmer man’s attempt of intimidation folded his arms.

With a sigh, you put down your glass cup and spoke. “Leave it alone Shiloh.”

“The audacity,” he continued. “To make you feel bad for what you are, and act like the ex that did nothing wrong.”

As you had hushed him, you had awkwardly scanned the area to make sure no one heard what he was speaking about, fortunately no one did. “Please don’t speak about it,” you pleaded, aware that if Shiloh did speak more, people would nosily eavesdrop.

With a twisted face, Shiloh hunched over the bar table the both of you had been on. “Why are you defending him?” He asked and flabbergasted you had sat up.

“I just want the situation to be left alone,” you truthfully said, aware with how people started to lean closer towards the both of you. With a sigh, you had turned to Maria with an apologetic look on your face. “I’m so sorry Maria,” you apologised grateful that she had waved it off. “He had too much to drink,” you said as you pulled yourself off the seat you previously sat on. “Come on, let’s go, I’ll take you home.”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You had left Shiloh at his home and proceeded to go back to yours, you had made sure your partner was comfortable in his sleep before you left his home, as much as you had wanted to stay with him, a pull in your mind wanted to have a moment of peace, so it was your home as the final outcome.

You had just taken off your shoes when you heard someone knock on your door, you furrowed your eyebrows in thought Shiloh might’ve followed after you, but you were wrong, it was Joel.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” you said and without permission, he had stepped into your home.

“I’ll leave after you make your decision,” he said, and anxious that anyone had saw him come in, you quickly closed your door. He wasn’t drunk or tipsy, but you were aware that the few sips of alcohol and gotten him confident in what he wanted to say.

It had looked like he was more muscled than before, or it was the outfit he was wearing, his beard was growing, you were usually the one who trimmed it down, but he looked manlier with his growing beard, you saw the way he scratched his neck, his hazel eyes still on you as he carefully watched how you moved, it wasn’t necessarily forbidden for Joel to come him, but it was somewhat of a silent agreement both you and Shiloh had shared, for you to not see him again, but you did break the rule, countless of times whenever you had visited Joel when everyone else was asleep.

“I no longer want to have a secret affair with you,” Joel muttered. “It’s either me,” he said. “Or Shiloh.”

Arms crossed; you had anxiously tapped on your feet. “You’re putting me in a difficult situation,” you replied, avoidant of his gaze. “This has all happened because of how you reacted when you found out what I was.”

Shocked, Joel frowned. “How was I supposed to react when I found out the woman I loved was half fish?”

“When Shiloh found out what I was, he didn’t react the way you did,” you argued, aware that you had been wrong, everyone reacts differently, but you had so wanted to be right.

“He knows what you are?” Joel said, his eyes wide in realisation.

You sighed. “He always knew what I was,” you answered before Joel could say anything else, aware that if you didn’t tell Joel that Shiloh knew what you were before the two of you dated each other, he would’ve pressed further. “He accepted me, so I’m going to pick Shiloh.”

Disturbed, Joel leaned backwards, for a moment you couldn’t quite understand what expression he had worn on his face, but you had feeling he was unprepared for you to pick him, angry even, but without another word, he had turned around and left.

feedback would be appreciated!

masterlist

[nirvanawrites111]

Say You Love Me Pt. 2 (Sub!Jongin x Afab!Reader)

Word count: 4129

Genre: Stripper Non Idol AU

Pairing: Sub!Kim Jongin x Y/n! Afab reader, no pronouns are used

Read Part 1

Warnings: Stripper, Y/N is poly with Taemin, Ten, and Kai. But, only sex scenes are with Kai, unprotected sex, Y/N is called daddy, vaginal sex, creampie

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS PLS DO NOT INTERACT.

SMUT BELOW THE CUT. IF YOU ENJOY PLS REBLOG AND COMMENT. THANK YOU AND HAPPY SUBBY!SEPTEMBER

You pull up to your mansion the following day after having your rendezvous with your ex-husband. There was just something about being with Jongin that somehow you still can't shake.

You turn your Corvette engine off and sit against the cool leather seat. You already know you will hear an earful from Taemin and Ten about not coming home last night.

Your eyes trail over to your beautiful mansion that once belonged to you and your ex-husband. You remember the day you two moved into your dream home.

Your fingers delicately caress the cool leather of your seat, and memories of last night's escapades are brought to your attention. You missed Jongin's taste and how he likes to call you daddy.

You mutually agreed that last night was just a one-time thing. You want to believe you can behave and hold yourself to that promise.

You step out of your car and grab your heels, jean dress, and your infamous Gucci bag from last night. You left Jongin's townhouse wearing his sweatpants, t-shirt, and Gucci slides. Not to mention, his intoxicating cologne is still on your skin.

Your steps on the marble flooring echo, and you quickly notice everything is exceptionably clean, how you like it. You kick off Jongin's slides near the fish tank.

The fish tank, a monument to Jongin's love for exotic fish, bubbles serenely, and the fish sway around like beautiful dancers.

"I'm home," you shout into your beautiful mansion, and walk into the living room.

The vast living room is bathed in a soft golden hue. Ten and Taemin sit comfortably on the plush, velvety couches, and magazines cover the deep mahogany coffee table in front of them.

Taemin and Ten are engrossed in their own worlds, and they lift their gazes to meet yours.

You quickly notice the intensity in Taemin's eyes, and Ten's display a bit of curiosity. Because why are you dressed in another man's clothes and strolling into the mansion as if nothing happened?

"Long night?" Ten jokes, and breaks the silence among the three of you.

"Uh, you could say that," you reply, trying your best not to sound guilty or obvious that you were with your ex-husband.

"So, where have you been?" Taemin questions you, and his sharp gaze is unwavering.

Taemin is still in his pajamas and has a bowl of cereal in his hand.

Ten is on the other side of and his cute Louie is on his lap.

"Out," you reply. You plop down on the couch across from them.

"You smell like Jongin. Is this what you're doing now?" Taemin adds.

"Yes, I was with him. I'm allowed to fuck my ex-husband if I want to," you reply in defense.

"So, he's taking my spot in more ways than one? I mean, he did walk out on you, so now you've forgiven him like nothing happened?" Taemin presses you.

Taemin isn't wrong in his claims. Things were rocky when Jongin decided he wasn't going to dance at No Manners anymore.

He was your top dancer for over seven years. So, the day he decided he was done dancing was also the day he was done being your husband.

The divorce wasn't messy, and he didn't ask for money. Nor, did he even ask for the house. He respected you and your business to a certain extent. He just wanted more for himself, but it just felt too personal.

"It was a business decision. It's my club, and I can do whatever I want," You insist, and stand firm on the decision that you made with a clear mind.

"So fucking him is a business decision?" Ten vocalizes, and his concern catches you by surprise.

The room seems to close in. You and Taemin are very strongly opinionated. So, you find yourself bumping heads with him pretty often. But, Ten being upset is surprising you.

Why is Taemin pressing you so hard? Sure, you made a selfish decision, but you aren't exactly dating Taemin or Ten. There isn't a label placed on whatever this arrangement is. All you know is that it has worked for the last couple of months.

"That's not what I mean. I mean him being the current headliner is a business decision," you explain.

"Yeah, but he doesn't like working sets with other dancers. Jongin is selfish," Ten further adds to the conversation.

Usually, he isn't the type to get involved in your disagreements with Taemin.

"He doesn't have to work sets with when he's the headliner," you defend Jongin.

"So, are you two getting back together? What does that mean for me and Ten?" Taemin asks.

You are not in the mood for the third-degree this morning. Your mind is still stuck on Jongin bouncing that ass on your strap. You still can't get over how he made you come with his tongue.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn't miss being with Jongin.

You decide this is a little too much for you to deal with right now. You stand up and grab your Gucci bag.

"No one said that. I'm going to shower."

You leave the two of them and head upstairs to your bedroom to retrieve for some solitude. Sure, you could try to explain you still have feelings for your ex-husband.

Not to mention, you did tell Jongin that you loved him last night. Whether it was because of the euphoric feeling you felt dominating him, or you meant it. You told him, and he told you, too.

You're conflicted because if you still love your ex-husband, why are your top two strippers living with you? Are you trying to feel the void you felt when Jongin moved out?

Your mind so desperately wants to find the answer.

You genuinely enjoy sleeping with Taemin and Ten. It's fun for you, and it helps you escape from the feelings of being divorced.

Your mind wanders as you shower, alone in your thoughts.

But, seeing Jongin has done something to you.

You take a much-needed shower and wash the scent of Jongin from your body, and you try to wash him away from your mind.

Last night was something you can't shake. You initiated everything by showing up at his place after the show. You're just not sure what will happen over the next thirty days.

After your shower, you sit on your bed and moisturize your body. Your phone rings, and you stare at it when you see Jongin's name and photo come across it.

You still have a picture of you picking him up and holding him in your arms. It never crossed your mind to change the photo.

You swipe it to life and answer, "Hello?"

"Y/n, how are you?"

"Good, just got out of the shower. What's up?"

"Can you come to the club? I want to practice a bit if that's okay with you. Hopefully, I'm not bothering you."

"No, you're good. I'll be there in 20 mins."

"Thanks, Daddy."

His request isn't strange; many dancers request to come in during the day. But, usually, they go through your assistant.

Maybe Jongin doesn't know that is still the same practice, but either way, you're going back to the club.

He's also pushing it with the "daddy" kink. Jongin knows your weak spot, and he taunting you.

***

You arrive at your club, and pull your car next to Jongin's. You step out of your vehicle, and Jongin is leaning against his.

His ashy gray hair is covered by a Gucci beany, and he isn't wearing any makeup from what you can see, even with shades on. He draped in a simple Gucci tracksuit—nothing unusual for him.

"What's up, Y/n?"

"Nothing. The Lee Twins are mad at you," you tease him.

"Let them hate," Jongin chuckles, and follows you with his duffle bag in tow.

The double doors of "No Manners" swing open with a whisper, revealing the expansive space of the club. With the absence of patrons, the vastness of the place is more pronounced, every detail of its luxe design accentuated in the quiet.

The dim chandeliers cast their opalescent glow across the club, their muted purples and deep blues adding to the quiet allure of the place. It's like stepping into a different world, one that's intimate, seductive, and hushed.

Your feet echo softly against the black marble floor. The main stage stands like an altar. It's where the magic happens. The poles, with their smooth, cool chrome, rise from the stage, reaching up to the ceiling. You can almost hear the faint, ghostly echo of past performances, the cheers, the gasps, the music.

Jongin removes his shoes and jacket to reveal he's not wearing a shirt. Your eyes stare at his chiseled six-pack. He steps out of his pants to show what's underneath. His tiny shorts interestingly catch the light, amplifying the sculpted form of his ass, making it seem like an artwork on display.

You break your attention from his body and ask, "What do you want to practice?"

"Umm, just pole tricks. I was a bit rusty last night."

"You looked amazing to me."

"Right, but there were some things I could improve to be even better."

"Well, get your ass up there and practice. Do you have your music?"

"Yes, can you connect it to the Bluetooth for me?" Jongin hands you his phone, and you see a picture of you and him in front of the mansion as his wallpaper.

You walk to the DJ booth to turn on the sound system.

You connect the phone and turn on his playlist. As the music hits, Jongin stretches his body and climbs up the pole.

He's doing all the usual tricks, and you aren't sure why he thinks he needs to practice. Watching him work the pole is an art form. He makes the shit looks easy and flawless, but you know that it's not simple.

No one is as talented as Kim Jongin when it comes to male strippers. You've searched high and low to find someone to replace him, but no one is as fluid as him. Taemin comes close, but there's just something unique that Jongin brings to the table.

Jongin drops down and hops off the stage. You grab his phone and pause the music.

"You good?" you ask.

Jongin opens his duffle bag. "Yeah, I'm just warming up."

Your eyebrows raise heavenward. "Uh, your warm-up is a main event for a lot of strippers."

"I know, but I'm not them. I'm Kai."

The cockiness has entered the building, and you can't deny that you love it.

"Okay, I see you."

Jongin pulls out a pair of six-inch glass heels. He's never been known as a performer who wears heels. Some of the other strippers do, but not him. You're curious what he plans to do.

"Since, I'm coming back. I want to do this. Not every night, but at least once. A few of my fans have asked me on Instagram to wear them."

"Oooo, your fan," you tease him. "That's cute."

"Yeah, that's why I really want to practice."

"I've never seen you wear heels before. Can you walk in them?"

Jongin laughs at you, puts on the heels, and gets on stage. He walks down the stage to show you that he can wear them. But, can he dance in them?

"C'mon. I wouldn't invite you here if I couldn't. The last thing I need is you roasting me."

"True. So, can you shake your ass though?"

Jongin swings his body around the pole and turns his body upside down, and twerks his ass just to show you that he can literally do anything. He drops down into a split and then crawls over to you.

"What do you think?"

"You look good. Ass looks even fatter than usual."

"Thank you. I've been toning it up."

"It's noticeable."

Jongin wants to continue to work on dancing in heels and turns the playlist back on. You sit back and enjoy the show. He's captivating, and you know why the customers love him so much.

You love to watch him challenging himself to do something that's out of the box for him. Just like anything else he tries, he's a natural in these glass high heels.

Watching Jongin move, the way his body twists, turns, and defies gravity, it's clear why he's irreplaceable. His every move is poetry, a symphony of strength, agility, and raw sensuality. Each drop, twirl, and seductive glance he throws seems to stitch a story, a narrative of passion, of yearning.

After a while, he sits on the edge of the stage, and the music stops.

You stand up and walk over to him standing between his legs.

"What you think, Y/n?"

"Amazing."

"Really?" His eyes, always expressive, widen a bit, sparkling with a bit of disbelief.

"Yes, you're a natural. I wish you would have done this a while ago." Your tone is commanding and contrasts with his gentle disposition, yet he doesn't shy away from you.

"Me, too. I just wasn't comfortable with heels yet. But, I've been practicing, hoping it could lead to a permanent dance opportunity."

"It will. I want you to work in the velvet room this weekend," you announce.

"Yes, daddy." Jongin's voice quivers slightly, using that name for you to convey reverence and a touch of shyness. It makes your heart skip a beat.

"Jongin," you respond. Your tone is gentle yet firm, re-establishing the dynamic between you two.

Your body is swimming with lust. The last thing you want is to fuck him at the club.

Not to mention, you don't even have your Gucci bag. You would be lying if you said you didn't get a little moist watching him dance like that.

"Stop calling me that."

You stare into his eyes, and he jumps down from the stage and stands before you.

The intensity between you two is palpable as you feel the magnetic pull of Jongin, drawing you closer.

"I... I love calling you that," he murmurs, his voice quivering. Gently grasping your hand, he brings it to his lips, placing a soft, lingering kiss on your knuckles. His eyes never leave yours as he speaks, "It's our special thing. You haven't let anyone else have that privilege... have you?"

"No," you confirm.

There's a shy hesitation in Jongin's voice, revealing an undertone of vulnerability as he says, "I haven't performed in the velvet room in quite some time. Can... can I practice with you?"

You remember his apprehension regarding the velvet room. He was always fussy about performing there, perhaps because of its intimate setting. But now, knowing his tenure here is temporary, you want every experience to be perfect. Every memory is to be etched deep.

You want to make sure he's good to go for the velvet room.

"Sure."

Once inside, you reach for the remote, activating the LED lights that bathe the room in a sultry purple hue. You recline on the plush couch, its cushions enveloping you, and a neat stack of crisp bills sits on the table beside, ready to bathe in skin in dollar bills.

But nothing could've prepared you for the moment Jongin steps into the room. Clad only in a thong, his sculpted physique on full display, it's a sight that's intoxicatingly overwhelming.

You didn't bring your Gucci purse because you didn't think anything would happen when Jongin harmlessly asking to practice. He doesn't have the key to the club anymore, so it would only make sense for you to be present.

Jongin struts over to you still in those heels and immediately straddles you, and the music starts playing in the background.

He turns around to reveal his nice firm ass. You toss a bill onto him. It's taking everything inside of you not to grab it.

"Thank you, daddy."

Jongin is pushing you, but you want nothing more than to fuck him nice and hard again. You try to block out that thought and focus on the dance.

The velvet room has strict rules about touching, and you try to make this seem as close to the real thing as possible.

When he shakes his ass in your face, you see he still has your name tattooed on his lower back.

You thought he would have it covered up. Somehow, you didn't notice it last night.

Maybe he had makeup covering it for the show, but it's on full display.

The more Jongin grinds on you, the more your pussy throbs for him. Why does he have to do this to you? Why does he have to look good like this?

Jongin gets in your lap and wraps his arms around you. "I want you."

"Of course, you do. But, this is a private dance in the Velvet room, and I'm just a paying customer."

"Fuck me.. it'll be just between us."

"Jongin.. please," you moan slightly out. You hate being tempted like this. You want to resist your ex-husband so badly, but you just can't. Everything inside of you is screaming that you want him, need him, desire him.

Sure, you have the Lee Twins to please you at your beck and call. But, they aren't Jongin. They don't make you feel the way he does.

"Have me again... I need you."

You stand up and place Jongin on the couch. You grab his thong and rip it off his body. You toss the flimsy material over your shoulder.

"What do you want, Jongin? Tell me."

"Fold me up like a pretzel and fuck me," Jongin whines.

You know exactly what he's talking about. You adjust his body against the couch, and he holds his legs back for you as you position yourself to fuck him in one of your favorite positions, Amazon.

His nude body is perfect in your eyes. Seeing your ex-husband offering himself to you like you're some god is iconic in a sense.

You inch down onto his dick until you feel the fullness of his length stretch you a bit. You like that even though you don't have your strap, you are still in control in this position.

You love having a beautiful man submit to you and give themselves to you entirely. There is nothing more satisfying than having him inside of you again.

It is such a sacred act to share with the man that you still share a last name with. You've been telling yourself that you haven't change your last name because of the process. But, you know that it's because you still love Jongin.

As you stare down at him, he looks like a beautiful angel waiting to be devoured by sin herself. You wait for a few moments before you make any adjustments as time stands still.

No words are exchanged between you and him. But, you can feel the energy radiating between the two of you. There's so much love, not to mention lust, that is present.

"I haven't stopped loving you," Jongin takes a breath as you begin to move on his length. You place your hands against his as he's holding back his legs for you.

"I feel the same way," you immediately reply.

Your body rocks slowly as you work yourself on his dick. Soft moans escape from the lips of your angel, Jongin. You feel a bit satisfied with how you are making him feel.

"Am I still yours... daddy?" Jongin asks you.

"Yes.." you moan. At this point, hearing him call you that is sending you over the edge. You don't want this feeling to be over already.

It's a question he asked you last night. Your ego gave him an answer, but the truth is he's always been yours. Even after things ended and you tried to move on to the Lee Twins. He's never left your mind.

You lean down and slip your tongue into his mouth as you fuck him nice and slow.

Your sweet Jongin spreading his legs for you and letting you dominate him this way has you feeling powerful as shit.

The moment's intensity fuels your desire, making you crave more of him. Every touch and moan between you both ignites a fire within, as if time stands still.

It's a connection that transcends physical pleasure, reminding you of your undeniable bond with Jongin.

The room fills with the sounds of your passionate reunion, as the boundaries between past and present blur once more.

Jongin holds his legs up, and your bounce on his dick while you hold the back of the couch.

"Come inside of me, baby. I know you can do it."

"Anything to please you."

Jongin's eyes lock with yours, filled with a mixture of desire and adoration. The moment's intensity heightens as you both surrender to the intoxicating rhythm of your bodies moving as one.

The two of you release together and collapse into each other's arms, breathless and sated. The room is filled with a lingering sense of connection and intimacy, as if time itself has stood still in this moment of pure bliss.

"Fuck, Jongin. I love you so much."

"I love you, more."

***

The next night, the club is open again, and everything runs smoothly. Word has gotten out that Kai is back, and there are more people here early to glimpse the main attraction, Kai.

The soft hum of bass from the club's speakers is barely audible in the distance, providing a muted soundtrack to the intimate setting of your office.

You are in your office counting the money you've received from some of the newer strippers and putting it away when Taemin walks into your office.

"Hi, baby," you greet him warmly.

Under the room's subdued lighting, Taemin's fishnet dress gleams, casting playful reflections. His black leather ankle boots, studded with metal, give his look an edgy finish. His smokey eyes and bold, dark lips enhance his striking features.

You stand up, and you walk over to him. You kiss him on the lips and close the door behind him. You push him against the door, and your hands fall around his waist.

"Hi.." Taemin's voice, usually so confident, came out as a soft whimper, causing you to look up from the glitter bottle.

"What can I do for you?" you ask.

"Umm, can you put glitter on my back and legs? Ten usually helps me, but he's already on the floor."

Taking the bottle from him, you reply, "Sure."

You put the body glitter all over his legs and back. It's something you wouldn't do for the other dancers. But, because you and Taemin have an intimate relationship, you don't mind.

"Goddess?" he whispers.

"Yes."

"Are you still mad at me for smoking the other night?"

"No, I was never mad. I was disappointed, yes. It was supposed to be your night as a solo headliner. You know that's an important spot to fill."

You sit on the edge of your desk.

"But, the thing is, I'm not Kai, and I never will be."

"But, Tae, you are an amazing dancer in your own right. I don't compare you two. Because that's the nature of the business, it's never about my personal feelings. It's about what's going to make the club the most money. He's only here temporarily."

"I understand."

"So, don't trip, okay?"

There's a knock at the door, and both you and Taemin look up.

"I'll see you later," Taemin kisses you on the lips and walks out without acknowledging Jongin.

"Hey, boss. I'm working the velvet room, tonight like you asked," Jongin interrupts you as he walks into your office.

"Perfect."

"I want to take you out for lunch tomorrow. Is that okay?"

You sigh. "Jongin.. what are we doing? We're not married anymore. All of this is very reminiscent of our marriage. Fucking in the velvet room, going on dates. You know I'm seeing the Lee Twins."

"You're in an official relationship with them?"

"Not officially, but they've been staying with me for the last couple of months."

"Oh, well. If they don't belong to you. What's wrong with us hanging out?"

"Jongin, this is a lot. I know I shouldn't have asked you to return after you were adamant about leaving this lifestyle. I want to see you live out your dreams."

"I don't want to live them if I can't do with you."

Your heart drops in your chest as he reveals that revelation. You knew there were still some possible feelings between the two of you.

"Jongin. I want to be part of your life, too. But, I don't know what this means for us."

"Be with me again."

[rottenpumpkin13]

This Time I'll Call

⏤ Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

⏤ AU, Angst with a happy ending, Cloud Strife/Genesis Rhapsodos, grief, feelings of guilt, major character death but the characters are already dead.

⏤ WC: 1620

⏤ Genesis’s coping method these days include a phone number that no longer exists.

⏤ My writing is extremely wonky in this because I’m getting over yet another wave of writer’s block, but I cried to Yellow by Coldplay while thinking of this and now you get to feel my pain too :,)

The shutter of the camera echoed faintly across the vacant parking lot. It flashed, capturing the moment in color, but never in its full glory. It’s what Genesis found the most annoying about photography.

Photos never did beautiful scenery justice, and certainly not the infamous, golden sunset over Midgar’s ruins.

The sunlight would streak through broken glass and make the red dirt glow. Every dust particle became glitter, the piles of metal and rock were painted orange and yellow, and the decrepit buildings would soak up life in each sun ray, giving them the illusion of their prior glory, when Midgar was still a bustling metropolis. 

Genesis lowered the camera, then unslung the strap from around his neck. Angeal would always have them pose in the scenery after he’d taken the picture.

He said he liked to capture both the place and the people he was with, who were almost always Genesis and Sephiroth. 

He’d always bark orders at them, telling one to sling his arm over the other, or nagging Sephiroth to smile. Cracking a joke always worked. Sephiroth would always laugh at Angeal’s jokes. 

Sephiroth’s laugh was comically deep, a phenomenon that never failed to make Genesis himself laugh. Soon enough the two would be laughing and Angeal would snap the photo.

Genesis laughed quietly at the memory, then stuffed the camera in his open bag. 

It was a rooftop parking lot in one of the few skyscrapers that still stood. The hollow chill of the mid-autumn air magnified every sound tenfold, making the wind that whistled through cracks in the concrete sound like ghostly screams.

Genesis slung his legs over the barrier, sitting right on the edge of the drop. Then he reached across and pulled the bag closer to him. He fished around until he found his phone.

Genesis wasn’t delusional, don’t get him wrong. He knew dialing a dead man’s number was nothing but metaphorically picking at a wound. 

But it wasn’t like it was a daily bout of mania. It was only once every few months, a tradition of sorts. 

Each key he pressed emitted a small beep as he dialed the number. It went as it always did. He’d press the phone to his ear, his heart nearly tearing a hole through his chest, then wait for the electronic voice. 

“We're sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

“Hey ‘Geal, it’s Genesis!” He forced the words out no matter how much his voice trembled. “Guess where I am right now? Midgar. Well, what’s left of it at least.” In a low tone, he added: “You can thank Seph for that.” 

Genesis fixed his eyes on the ruins below. The breeze raked through his hair before he ran his own hand through it. “So…It was my birthday last week. Thirty-four. That’s a big age.”

He rolled his eyes. “Remember when Director Lazard turned thirty-four and refused to let us throw him an office party, but we did so anyway? Yeah, now I know how he felt.” 

Genesis crossed his legs. “Can you believe the little shits threw me a party? Behind my back too. I walked into the bar and was met with a giant banner that read Gen’s 34th. Ugh. I would’ve left immediately if the kids didn’t look so happy.”

He paused, then huffed. “Marlene ate so much cake she got that crazed cat look in her eyes, you know, the one Seph used to get when he ate too much sugar?” 

Genesis coughed, trying to hide his laughter. “And Cid—Captain Highwind, you’ve heard of him—he kept egging Tifa on, saying she couldn’t handle her liquor until she caved and beat him in a drinking competition.” 

This time he did laugh, heartily as the memory replayed in his mind’s eye. 

“She claimed she was only a little tipsy, but couldn’t mix one drink for the rest of the night. I took over, of course. I missed playing bartender. I still help out there some nights when the bar’s too packed, not that I have much time for that anymore.” 

Genesis leaned over and braced his head in his hand. “The WRO and Reeve keep me pretty busy…Something I’d never thought I’d say. Oh! And I’m a writer now! An officially published author!”

He couldn’t keep himself from giggling childishly. He was alone after all, with not one Barret Wallace to tease him for his laugh in sight. “It’s a part of a project the WRO’s working on. I’m under a pseudonym, of course, and instead waxing poetic about LOVELESS themes, I’m writing about The Cetra.” 

He smirked, tracing the cracks in the concrete with his free hand. “Can you believe I did it all? SOLDIER, wanted war criminal, presumed dead man and now I’m a writer. At least that’s how Yuffie phrases it.”

Genesis sat up straight, then shielded his eyes from the sunlight. “Speaking of Yuffie and LOVELESS, they’re making a new blockbuster action franchise based on LOVELESS. I watched the first movie last week with Cloud, Yuffie, and Vincent. I think I’m starting to grow on her. She can finally stand to be in the same room as me instead of attempting to kill me.” 

He sighed. “She has guts. Reminds me of myself at that age.” There was a pause before he added: “Firaga skills included, by the way…She nearly set Cid’s head on fire when he dared her to light his cigarette with materia.”

He stretched, stifling a yawn. “And then there’s Cloud.”

Genesis felt his heartstrings tighten at the thought of him. His lips subconsciously stretched into a smile.

“We’re doing well, taking it slowly…If him sleeping in my apartment during weekends is slow.” He shook his head. “I like him. A lot. And he likes me too, which is…Something I never thought I’d have the privilege of saying.” 

The sun dipped more into the horizon with each passing minute. “Angeal…Have you ever felt guilty? And I mean truly guilty? Because I do all the time. Cloud says it’s me developing a conscience after, quote, years of being an asshole.”

He swallowed hard. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel seriously undeserving of the things I have, of the job I have after deserting SOLDIER, the friends I’ve made after I lead you….”

The phone nearly slipped from his weakened hand, but Genesis pressed it harder to his ear. He felt the sharp pierce to his nose, the pain that preceded the tears. He bit his lip harshly enough to taste the metallic pang of blood on his tongue. 

“After I lead you to your death.” 

The phone rang. Genesis paled, eyes shooting open as he jerked his hand away. The smidgen of hope that pricked his nerves became a childish reflex once he saw the name. 

Cloud flashed across the screen, right above the picture Genesis had taken of him in Kalm a few months ago, the one where he’s smiling while holding a Chocobo chick. 

He wiped away the stray tear from his cheek, then cleared his throat. 

“Hi—”

“Are you still in Midgar?” Cloud’s voice sounded from over the phone before Genesis could greet him.

Genesis sighed, then felt his body deflate as his shoulders dropped. “I am, why?” He scoffed in a mocking tone. “Miss me?” 

He could practically feel Cloud roll his eyes from the other end. 

“Full of yourself much?”

Genesis shrugged. “Not fuller than you, dearest.” 

“Gen!” Cloud sputtered, no doubt blushing while Genesis laughed uncontrollably. He groaned. “Look, if we’re late again, Tifa’s gonna freak. I’m coming to pick you up.” 

Genesis slipped from the barrier, standing up. “No need. As much as I love—”

“Genesis if you say ‘riding you’ I’m hanging up.”

“Riding with you!” Genesis corrected him with a smirk. “I need to stretch my wings a bit more. Besides, it’s quicker.” 

“You sure? I don’t like letting you fly at night.” 

Genesis smiled, leaning on the barrier. “You worry too much, Strife.”

“Because you’re a hazard to yourself and others, Rhapsodos.”

Genesis scoffed. “I’ll be there in a bit. I need to get started on that dumbapple pie, anyway, or else Marlene will have my head. I promised I’d bake her one weeks ago.”

“Alright,” Cloud said. “Call me if you change your mind. And stop flying if you get a wing cramp on the way, got it?” 

“Fine, fine,” Genesis waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Once they had said their goodbyes, Genesis pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. A trembling sigh reverberated through his chest. Then, he put the phone up to his ear again.

“I have to go now, ‘Geal.” Genesis pressed his lips together as if it would stop the words from spilling out. “I miss you, old friend. I miss you more than the richest words could express.” He sighed. “Say hi to the puppy for me. And tell him Cloud sends his love.”

He gathered up his things, then slung the bag over his shoulder. “While you’re at it, give Sephiroth a good kick in the shins for me, will you?” Genesis smiled, but he didn’t notice it. “And tell him I miss him too. Terribly.” 

Genesis inched the phone away from his face, paused, and then put it to his ear again. “Before I go, it should come as no surprise to you but…”

He sighed, letting his shoulders deflate as the weighted emotions rolled off of them. 

“Three friends go into battle. One is captured. One flies away. The one that is left….” 

As Genesis began to walk away, he looked at the sunset one last time. 

“Lives to tell the tale.”

[glasskey]

Nick & June's Mix tape Vol. 1

Today I’m going to be sharing some of my favorite Nick and June tracks that have us all hitting rewind over and over and over and over……..after all, who doesn’t love a good mix tape?

Oranges & Tuna

This is the first time we meet Nick but given June’s familiarity, it’s not the first time she has. In Atwood’s text, Nick sounds like a bit of alright and the POV camera shot when June comes down the stairs IS a touch pervy.

Nick’s working with his sleeves rolled up, sweating and judging by the wanton looks it seems June’s in no particular rush to go shopping. She also seems to know quite a bit about him already, including the fact that he’s single. In her head, June’s already inviting Nick down to the oyster house bar for a drink, a subtle reference to a well-known aphrodisiac. It takes all of 10 seconds for Nick to start flirting with her, by telling June a gag about not being a pescatarian. It’s a fact which June purposefully ignores, in order to return his flirtation, and that’s it, that’s all it takes…..Nick’s fucked.

Throughout the next few episodes we see that Nick can neither believe nor resist June’s audacity. Nick knows he should say something when he sees her legs uncovered but he says nothing and simply stares. The sound of the lid closing on the box in front of him is like a trap snapping shut.

He can’t resist standing waaaaay too close and stroking her hand when he brings her ice, the heat is palpable. Nick now knows he’s in serious trouble and June is left reeling. Throughout season 1 these two are constantly measuring and testing each-others boundaries, but honestly from the second Nick told his tuna fish gag, he may as well have waved a white flag.

You shouldn’t wear anything for me

Sweet mother of Mercy. Apparently the sight of June’s naked body has turned Nick Blaine into the master of the double entendre overnight. Season 1 sees Nick pulling the jokes out left and right, first with the tuna fish gag and now this. Nick can hardly keep a straight face as he delivers it and June barely stifles a chuckle. This casual comment is not only a statement about June never changing her appearance to please him, but also one about how desirable he finds her, naked and unmanicured.

This is also the first time we see these two perform their infamous hand brushing and it’s literally breathtaking for the both of them. It’s a moment steeped in danger, electricity and passion, as you sense them both recalling their previous night together. Glowing lights seem to follow these two around like a spell, and as they intertwine their fingers a luminous orb appears between their hands.

I’d like to say that June ever stood a chance at resisting the foxy driver’s charms but I’d be lying. He’s hot AF, lives less than 200 feet away and flirts with her shamelessly, this was all a done deal long ago. In Atwood’s text, these two can barely keep their hands off each other and Nick is described as absolutely fascinated with her. Not surprisingly then, this scene is closely followed by a knee trembling, face melting kiss that sends June straight from “it can never happen again, sorry Nick” to a dazed mess spelling saucy words during her scrabble game.

Is This It?

Nick thinks that breaking up with June is going to be simple, in fact he seems to think he won’t need to explain himself at all. June is having none of it, this is her one small ray of light in an otherwise dismal existence so Nick had better have a good reason.

He does, he’s already seen one handmaid die and he’s starting to get seriously attached to the new one. Seeing June on the wall just because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself is more than he could bear. This is Nick doing Nick: keep your head down, step aside, stay out of trouble and keep your mouth shut.

June rightfully calls him on his shit, accusing him of being a coward who wants only to be Fred’s whipping boy for the rest of his life. How could he want to live such a small life? It’s a gut punch that leaves Blaine looking suitably ashamed.

Their individual attitudes to “ending up on the wall” speak volumes about who these two are at heart. To June death is everywhere, living in terror isn’t living and the reward is worth the risk. Nick is a survivor, sacrifice for duty and self-preservation is second nature, a small life is better than no life at all. Unfortunately for Nick, his aspirations for a life half lived died the moment he met June Osborne. Before I get into Nick and June volume 2, I’ve got volume 1 of the Lawrence and June mix up next. Back soon.

[sunkissedlucida]

as you were: tutoring

Young! Aegon Targaryen x Young!Reader

A/N: Part of my prequel series for my as you are fic. Thought it’d be cute seeing how these two grew to love each other.

— lighthearted, Aegon doing a study montage

Aegon could not give two dungs about history. Why does one need to study petty, dead men with too much time and power on their hands? Apparently you find it interesting.

Learning from past mistakes is fine. He just doesn't see the value of learning about the houses of Westeros for the fifth time this year. That is why the maesters gave up waking Aegon in every lecture. It's not his fault it's always the last lesson of the day.

You sit between Aegon and Aemond while Helaena sits beside her younger brother, already dozing off. You would eye the elder prince occasionally, a little concerned. There will be an upcoming test in a few weeks, and he is infamous for failing almost all of them.

After lessons are done, you stay behind to wake the sleeping Aegon. He is still hunched over the table, using his arms as pillows. No one cares to wake him up, so he's usually always left asleep in an empty study. Eventually, the guilt built up within you over time.

Aegon looks up at you, confused about what you just said after shaking him awake. You? Tutor him? Honestly, you could say he's as unsalvageable as a flaming trash heap, and he wouldn't say otherwise.

He laughs off your proposal to tutor him the whole week. He's familiar with tutors paid by his mother to "help" him. The demeaning, yelling, swatting at the knuckles, and squeezing your face until they resemble a fish are all too familiar. It's partially why he abhors the mandatory lessons.

Unfortunately, you're persistent as always. It felt like déjà vu when you started following him around until he relented to accept your offer. He almost forgot to act annoyed like he used to around you. Instead, he's embarrassed; it's not a secret that he couldn't care less about the subject, and his marks prove that. He would rather have others think he is a lazy student than an incompetent one.

You seemed almost too eager to teach him. You created a schedule for the next few weeks. Two hours of studying before dinner a few times a week. When that didn't work, you relived the old days and started following him like a fly buzzing around his ear.

Holding a book wherever you went, you would try to find the prince just to get him to study. It quickly became a game of cat and mouse, much to Aemond's amusement. Aegon curses his brother for telling you all of his hiding spots.

After the third day, you came to a compromise. He'll let you tutor him for two hours, but not in any library, study, or bedroom if you want him awake. You were quick to favor the gardens and the godswood, of course.

As you review Aegon, he would lay his head on your lap. He denies you the pleasure of knowing how soothing your voice was. It probably wasn't the best, but it was familiar and pleasant as they reverberate down to his ears.

"Did you understand?" You close your textbook to see Aegon surprisingly still awake. "You did listen, didn't you?"

He cranes his head back from where it rests on your lap. "How could I not? Your voice was the only thing keeping me from dozing off." He doesn't know when he could ever hear you speak to him like this again, so he forced himself to listen. It sounds softer, like a warm blanket.

"By that I mean the ravens must have mistaken you for a dead cat—ack!"

You give a sinister smile, choking him with your one hand as you lean over his struggling face. "And soon there will be another corpse to be fed to the ravens."

Jokes and threats aside, Aegon truly never expected you to be so encouraging and patient. Not once did you show signs of contempt when he made a mistake. Only when he wasn't taking you seriously. And when he did get it right, you praised him with a genuine expression. He wanted more of it.

"Should I give you a clue?"

"No! I got this. Give me a minute."

You smile in amusement and watch Aegon scrunch his face in concentration. You sit again by the weirwood tree, and you can tell your pupil is improving, maybe even enjoying the tutoring.

Unbeknownst to you both, shocked but thankful observers watched you occasionally, reminding them of what once was.

Alicent takes in the sight in front of her. The way you smile down at her son with a look that takes her back in time. A look one would give to someone who is beyond friendship, but a soul intertwined with theirs, even when they're not aware of it yet.

The way her eldest looks so relaxed. She knows he can't be drunk, as you've been talking in the same place for the past two hours. No, not when he looks present in the moment and laughing without the need of vice.

She almost forgot there was another by her side, just as in awe.

"They seem to be getting along well," Rhaenyra says, not looking away from the two. "It would be a shame to disrupt them."

The queen nods. "Rarely do we have peace within these walls. Let's give them a few more minutes." She turns to her old friend. "Come, supper can wait a little longer."

Rhaenyra agrees and follows her.

When the exam was a few days away, Aegon started to feel the pressure. The weight of all your efforts was too heavy for him to ignore. He had to do well in this test, and thus he studied past your schedule. He would read long texts to bed, with hidden books scattered in his chambers so the maids wouldn't see them. While you thought he was sleeping as usual, he would mentally answer every question during History. Because he was too embarrassed to ask you, he went to the library to search for a particular book himself.

"Aegon?"

Aegon jumps at the sound of your voice, almost dropping the book in his hands. He scrambles for an answer, but you're more curious what he's searching for. He's never been in the library willingly.

"Why didn't you tell me you needed something?"

"Well, uh, I thought you were too busy."

You try to peek at the book he's holding, but he hides it behind his back. "Busy? I have more free time than the castle's gargoyles. Why do you think I wanted to teach you so badly?"

So that's why you started wanting to spend time with him; was he just a pass time to you?

He scoffs, ignoring the pang in his chest. "So you were just bored. Like you actually cared if I failed this test or not."

You shake your head and step closer to him. He backs up slightly but stands his ground.

"When did I say I didn't care about you?" You ask.

"You didn't have to. Who you choose to spend your time with says enough."

He eyes you accusingly, but the lump in his throat bobs as you lean closer to him.

"And the hours I willingly spent with you aren't enough of a statement?"

He is at a loss for words, holding his breath and stilling his rampant heartbeat.

His reaction lets you reach around and grab the book. It's one you have already.

"Sheesh, you really should have asked me first if you needed something."

You bet your ass he took a few glasses before the test. His nerves have never been this bad for, well, anything. Of course, you can smell the alcohol on him like a bloodhound. You can't say you didn't expect it.

"How much?" You ask

Aegon shifts his eyes from the scrolls to you. "Huh?"

"How much did you drink?"

He shrugs, looking down. "Just two?"

"Bottles?"

"No, no, cups."

His leg continues to bounce anxiously, as he knows it will be his turn in the oral examination after Aemond.

'Seven hells. Maybe I should've drank more,' he thinks.

You place a hand over his knee, pausing his overthinking.

"You'll be fine, Aegon," you say, eyes focused on his shifty, purple ones. "Just take a deep breath and focus on nothing but the question."

Aegon can hear the door open and his name being called. He squeezes the same place you put your hand, praying to the gods he won't fail you, before standing from his seat.

No one is allowed to watch an undergoing exam. Like in the one you took before Aegon, he will only have the strict teacher sit before him. The room was so quiet, your ears rang in every pause. Being a great friend with nothing better to do, you wanted to check up on him. The Red Keep is luckily full of windows.

You finally reached the outside of the castle. Ducking under the windowsill, you eavesdrop the two men inside. You could hear the shuffling of parchments and the nasally, pretentious voice of Maester Stephas.

"...Explain in 5 minutes or less. Begin."

You peek over the ledge, spotting Aegon looking like he's about to shit a brick. His wild eyes find your head poking out from the window behind the old man.

"I'm not getting any younger, my prince," the Maester drawls with his waspish tongue. He doesn't even look up from the paper.

Aegon swallows thickly. He glances at you again. You jut your chin out mockily copy the way the elder speaks.

He bites back a laugh and returns to answering the question.

"What are you doing?"

You almost land on your bottom. Looming above you is your dear friend, who looks unfazed by whatever shenanigans you're up to. You shush Aemond and pull him down to a crouch. You both peek at Aegon, who is still reciting.

"You know it is against the rules to help each other on a test, even someone as hopeless as him," Aemond whispers.

"I'm not helping," you say defensively. "I'm supporting."

"By breaking the rules."

"Oh, you must be in torture," You groan, not looking away from the scene.

His head turns to you. "What?"

"From having a stick up your arse."

He sighs as if he is in deep pain. Not physically, but the mental toll of your friendship is getting to him.

"I forget uncle also raised you."

The day Aegon got his exam results, he felt a pit in his stomach. Scribbled on the paper was a barely passing grade on something you both studied so long for. He worked hard for once, and it wasn't even enough to be satisfactory. Just the bare minimum. He felt like a failure, but you thought otherwise.

"This is great!" You beamed at him. "Good job, Aegon."

"Wha..?"

Did you have too much to drink this time? The last time he checked, you had the eyesight of an archer. But now, you see the clear evidence of his incompetence in History, and you're still congratulating him for it.

Aegon looks around even though he knows you're the only two people in the study hall. He didn't want anyone else to know his results if it went bad, but he has to make sure.

...

Aegon points to himself. "You know I'm not Aemond, right?"

"Uh, yeah? I'm just proud you did your best."

He ignores his heart skip a beat. "Did you start having a taste for strongwine because we're clearly not seeing the same thing. This," he shoves the paper in your face, "was a waste of our time, your time. I really tried, (y/n), truly. The best I could do, and it—it wasn't enough."

He promptly turns around, not letting you see how affected he is. He should be used to failing by now, he thought, but the way you were so supportive made him believe, for a moment, he could be capable of something. Something enough to be proud of.

"I'm sorry."

You stare at the usually carefree prince. You step closer, gently holding his forearm and turning his body to face you.

"Hey." You tilt your head, but he avoids your gaze. "Fail or not, you chose to work for something you know where your strengths do not lie. I thought it was courageous of you."

He scoffs. "Yeah, like I slayed a mighty beast with my bare hands. How courageous."

"If anyone is closest to a beast, it would be Maester Stephas."

Aegon lets out a snort. You and him call the grey-haired tyrant of a teacher that for a reason. Just once, he wishes to defend himself against his vicious words. One too many times the old troll insulted him in front of you and his siblings. If only he had the sharpness of tongue as does a sword.

"It's four marks past a failing grade."

"And it's four marks above the expectations of anyone who's doubted you." You give a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder with your other hand. "Plus, it was partially my fault. We talked about almost everything other than history these past few weeks, so I'm happy for your results."

"You are?" His skin feels warmer where you're holding him. Did you always have that crinkle in your eye when you smile?

"Of course. I'm proud of you, egg."

"Egg?"

You nod. "Short for Aegon. Egg. It's cute."

He gives you a deadpan look. "Your brain must be as smooth as an egg to have thought of that."

His remark doesn't dissuade the wide smile on your face.

"Since you did so well, we must celebrate over a drink tonight. Right, egg? My treat." You head for the exit, knowing he'll be following suit.

He tails behind you. "Stop calling me that."

"Okay, Egg."

He mutters, “Egghead.”

[thecontumacious]

"Among the thousands I've met, you are the only one my heart resonates with."

luca kaneshiro edition.

when with you, he forgets who he has to be. he wished he knew this sooner.

a/n: this one got a bit too philosophical and admittedly more prose than story here o.0 so sorry about that! >.<

reminder that all my work and others in the fandom are purely fiction and intended to entertain, not to be projected irl.

vox akuma edition (tba). mysta rias edition. ike eveland edition (tba). shu yamino edition (tba).

romanticized as it is the mafia life, it's nothing short but a crime syndicate meant to obtain money through illegal means. bounties, gambling, drug transport and the like

it's luca kaneshiro's life

the bright and happy-go-lucky lion king with a life color darker than the color when he closed his eyes

with the multiple meetings with drug lords, people demanding assassinations and handling a huge casino in one of the biggest cities in the world, it's a miracle how luca has yet to lose it.

his sanity. his smile, that is.

because he's not allowed to be himself in this dark life. he's not allowed to crack a smile if it isn't a joke about some stupid client, he's not allowed to laugh if his victim isn't dead, he's not allowed to talk freely if the topic isn't about anything consisting the mafia

luca kaneshiro had to use a mask, almost every single day. but he was used to it, as he was raised to take care of such a crime syndicate since a young age

when the clock strikes 6 in the evening, for once his schedule empty, luca takes a huge sigh of relief and takes his coat off the chair's backrest.

he shrugs it on, gesturing to his staff present in the room, "what is my next schedule for tonight?"

"we have a few clients waiting in the casino tonight, sir. 11 pm. before that, you have some free time," the secretary reads from her clipboard in hand, scribbling down a couple notes quickly. luca hums and dismisses her, leaving his office.

on his way out, men and women of both high and low statuses greet him with respect. they ceased whatever activity they were doing, ranging from practicing gun shootings, discussing plans to infiltrate enemy grounds or plain chatter.

perhaps this was the part of the mafia life that was so appealing to the common folk. the respect, the riches, the army at the back of your hand ready to head in and kill at your will.

luca merely sighs at the simple thought, remembering that all the greatest things in the world came with a heavy price.

he was in the constant line of danger, death awaiting if he so much as takes the slightest wrong step. anger the wrong people and he might endanger innocent lives.

luca had everything, but could also lose everything in a blink of an eye.

when the mafia boss finally made it to the basement, he pulled out his car keys and hopped in with a frankly muddy mind from the day. luca drove out, speeding through the streets, uncaring if it was busy because working hours were ending

he just... needed to get out of here. this city life. his life.

but even then, people recognized him. people knew of his (falsely interpreted) murderous tendencies. people knew what kind of people he dealt with.

and because of that, people like to think luca kaneshiro is jagged on the edges, rough and aggressive if you tip him off.

so, when he merely decided to get a quick meal at a mcdonald's, just about everyone ran out of the restaurant.

luca sighs, walking towards the ordering counter to the seemingly scared for his life employee. he stutters, "wh-what can i get you, s-sir?"

"just a big mac, fries, and a soda, please," luca answers quietly, fishing out his pocket to give appropriate money. er, more like overly sufficient money for a burger and soda...

but the only thing that mattered to the employee was he get his order right and out, much, much rather than have only the most infamous mafia boss in the city point a gun to his head.

"s-sure," the poor thing struggles with the cash register he could be peeing blood.

so what luca does is push the money over to him and offers him a smile, "the change is your tip, okay?"

all 500 dollars of it.

if he wasn't a mafia boss, the employee would've smiled and jumped for joy. but he was one, so the man instantly thought he owed luca his life or something over his 500 dollar tip. that luca would be waiting for him one day to give over his entire fortune.

but he couldn't speak against him. so he just nodded and luca moved to the pick-up section.

his meal is given in a matter of literal seconds and though he knew they just took someone else's order that was also a big mac, all luca could do was take it and leave.

he wasn't even accepted in a public fast food chain. how could he with the rest of the world?

luca supposes this is just the way his life was meant to be.

heavy footsteps brought him to a lone bench in the park, far away from the eye of the public for their sake. there was no way he was going to be the reason people couldn't enjoy their evening.

so he sat, took out his dinner, and ate in silence as birds lightly chirped in the background. alone, yet again.

"excuse me."

luca's ears perk up at the foreign sound and he looks to his side and sees a beautiful figure, basked in what little light the day had left to offer. they smiled at him, holding a book to their chest and a bag slung over their body.

idiotically, the mafia boss looks side to side then back at you, pointing at himself, "m-me?"

the stranger nods, laughing, "yes, you. who else? can i sit next to you?"

what was this? was this an enemy in disguise? were they hiding some sort of recorder in their bag? were they trying to plant strong evidence on him?

but they packed too light to have all those things, the clothes were too simple to be hiding anything of significance. and luca has seen his fair share of disguising spies and decoys, so according to his instincts, perhaps the stranger wouldn't be a threat. for now.

"yeah sure, go ahead," luca scoots on over, letting them take a seat at the bench. "so, what brought you here?"

"i come here all the time to get a bit of time to myself. to be alone for a while," they respond, resting their book onto their lap as they settled their bag by the wooden backrest. "and you? just having dinner in the sunset?"

luca chuckles, "yep. it's nice out here, and to clear my head."

"long day?" the person next to him asks, displaying another smile that seemed to heal the very reason why luca even decided to come out here. it's been a long life, he wondered.

he nods, avoiding to elaborate by stuffing his mouth with his burger again.

"tomorrow will be better. it always will," they add, folding open their book.

maybe, luca thought. "how do you know it always will?"

they laugh, tracing their finger over the blocks of text. "it just is. i mean, it's better than thinking tomorrow will get worse, right? even if you know that tomorrow might seem just as long as today, there's no telling it will be a bad one."

the mafia boss pauses his eating and turns to the stranger next to him. their face is so peaceful, calm, like they truly had nothing to worry about. like tomorrow is going to be better. and perhaps it will for them, and maybe for luca too.

"what's your name?" he asks.

"y/n," you smile. "you?"

he hesitated, afraid he might scare you off but then he settles, "just call me luca."

perhaps it was because he had yet to mention his surname that you didn't even flinch.

"luca. luca means 'bringer of hope' or 'bringer of light'," you close your book again and reared yourself towards luca. "i know you probably had a really tiring day. but i can tell you're a very kind and cheerful person. usually, people like them can't handle sadness as much. no offense."

"none taken," he chuckles, wrapping his food tight completely, intrigued by you. mysterious, insightful, so understanding and just... beautiful in a way he couldn't say to other people. "but thanks. that means a lot for someone in my place."

"i'm glad i could make your day just a little bit better, luca," you giggle.

"no, you made it a whole lot better," he grins, digging into his paper bag then offering you his box of still fresh fries. "want some? a snack while you read."

you eye the treats and graciously took one, then popping it into your mouth with a red-cheeked beam. "payment for my philosophy?"

"if you want payment for making my day better, it's gonna take more than some fries, y/n."

and that was how you and luca kaneshiro, the deadly mafia boss whose identity you've yet to realize, met and eventually fell in love.

mornings before you left for work, the silly little blond would show up with some kind of thoughtful gift. something as simple as flowers, snacks, a new book or a drink from your favorite cafe.

random afternoons on your break, luca would visit you with food. it would either be homemade or bought only from the most expensive restaurants in the city. you always wondered what job he had if he kept visiting you in the middle of the day, not that you were complaining of course.

and on nights when you got back from work, the mafia boss would surprise you with his rolls royce and take you home. or if he felt more adventurous, he would drive you around the city and take you somewhere to eat.

every time you asked him why he was doing all this, he would merely grin his goofy smile and merely say, "payment for making my days better."

but despite all this, telling you about his days, his friends, his family... he never mentioned a single syllable about his real job.

he never told you his surname out of fear.

out of fear that his one chance of not being alone will slip away from him. out of fear he would never see you again and rot in the dark life of his mafia job.

luca would have to tell you soon. he knew that. but for now, he wants to let himself enjoy your company just a bit more before that happens.

it was a quiet night on the road that time. no cars around, no other pedestrians. just luca kaneshiro and you, fast food in your laps and rambling about your terrible week.

it was in this quiet night that you blurted it out to the silly blond, lips still coated lightly with sweet ice cream. "i love you, luca."

his world instantly stopped.

you? the sweetest person on the earth loved someone like him? oh right, he hasn't told you yet...

"luca?"

"hm?" it's only then did he realize he had been holding his breath and lips sealed shut, no signs of a response which may have worried you. he turns to you with a nervous smile, gesturing towards you. "you were saying?"

"i said i love you," you muse, throwing a fry his way.

"o-oh, right," he stammered involuntarily, looking back towards the road as though you hadn't already said that twice. god, you loved him. him. the one person in the world he didn't deserve love after he killed so many, stolen from so many, ruined so many.

you tap his shoulder, "are you going to respond to that?"

"uh..."

he's so afraid you'll run from him. it hurts even more now to see you go, right after you confessed. even if you didn't run, the mafia would be compromised if he isn't careful. if you're not kept out of reach of his crimes.

"mr. kaneshiro, i'm going to need an answer from you."

luca froze and glanced at you.

you merely laugh, "i knew from the start. but i was never afraid of you. sure, i've heard what you've done but when i saw you on that bench, eating alone and looking off into the sunset, you looked just as human as everyone else, luca."

"i-it's not just about me, y/n," he sighs, rubbing his temples. "the danger i could put you through. the mafia demands for my life and i will never let it demand for yours, even though i want to say i love you too. it's just... i can't let you get hurt because of me."

"pull over."

luca pauses and gives you a look, but you didn't stammer a word as you put your hand over his. he does as you tell him and then you're suddenly pulling his face towards yours, a proximity closer than you two have ever been in.

"if i was afraid of the consequences the moment i started talking to you, i wouldn't have sat next to you that day," your finger brushes away the strands that covers the mafia boss' face ever so gently. "luca, i knew what i got myself into. but i'm willing to face it all with you if i get to love you."

"i don't deserve you," he whimpers, leaning against your forehead as though he was looking for some kind of stability. perhaps he was, with his shaking fears of losing you. "i don't want to see you hurt."

"i'll be okay. even if i did, i wouldn't mind getting hurt loving you," you smile. "but let's not talk about what hasn't happened hm? we're here right now, and we're fine."

you're right. you always were since he met you.

"i... i love you too," luca finally responds, cupping your soft cheeks. "god, i really, really wanted to say that."

a giggle falls from your lips, one of his favorite sounds in the world as you went to peck his nose. "me too."

then, the window behind you shatters.

luca's eyes widen in panic, cradling your head into his chest as he craned his own to look through the ruined car window. through what little he could see, luca notices someone on top of a building in dark clothes aiming a sniper at the car.

assassin.

"y/n, y/n, are you okay?" he asks you frantically, touching your face then looking towards your body for injuries. but then he sees the red bleeding through your clothes, spreading out even more with just how much you're hurting.

luca's voice is stuck in his throat, far too sunken deep in shock to rationalize what to do.

really? at a time like this?

at a time where he could finally be with someone in this world, robbed in just a second like that. how could they do this to him? to you no less?

"luca."

you call to him, breaking his shocked state apart as he finally came to his senses again. "fuck. y/n, just hold on. i'll get you to a hospital--just, please hold on..."

"you can't... the police will find you."

"i don't care, you have to be taken care of. you're gonna die if i don't--"

then his phone rings. luca planned to ignore it with you being his priority, but you're the one who fishes it out of his pocket and show the screen to him, "it's from your vice leader."

"i don't care, he doesn't matter right now. come on, let me--"

"hello?" you croak out, taking the phone call.

expecting it to be some trivial matter that was way below your urgency, luca's right hand man screams, "hello? boss, we need you back here! the mafia's been compromised. we're being ambushed by the enemy!"

"go," you order, tapping his arm. "they need you."

"y/n, no. how could you? your life is in danger! i have to get you--"

you shake your head as you beg, "i'm only one life. but the mafia is more than one, and all the innocents surrounding the area. please, luca, you're the only who can stop this..."

but before luca could protest anymore, you suddenly collapse against him, the life within you disappearing with every single second passing.

"y/n, please..." the mafia boss sobs, hugging you to him tightly.

but you're quiet, breathing as soft as the sound of your beating heart. "you keep saying how i make your days better. but i never got to say you made my entire life so much more beautiful. and i want to thank you for that, luca. save everyone else. it was so nice loving you, even for a small amount of time."

then, you lay your head onto his shoulder. silent, no longer breathing, gone.

and luca?

alone.

as he reaches the mafia's hideout, he realizes just how bad everything is. how nothing has been prepared, even though luca swore he had a backup plan if anything happened.

or... did he?

his vice leader jogs over to him, frantically asking for help and a plan to help save what was left. but still overwhelmed by your death, luca's head is empty, his heart somewhere else.

in your hands, taken with you to somewhere he couldn't follow.

"you've changed, boss," the vice admits, looking at luca dead-eyed. "ever since you found a lover, all you do is prioritize them. you forgot about us, the mafia. it's like you don't care about us anymore. isn't it part of the mafia's code? to never comprise it?"

"i..."

so it was his fault. it was his fault to let his guard down like this. he met you and lost control of everything. the one thing he needed in his life was the very mistake that caused this.

bang.

luca blinks and in a moment's notice, his vice is down too. before he could react either, someone kicks him from behind, hitting his head and falling on the same ground of his vice.

his vision is blurry, mind and body lost in a different dimension by what's happened today. all he could manage to see are the many footsteps surrounding him and the screams for victory.

"kill him," someone says then luca hears the click of a gun. "thank you, y/n. you managed to weaken him after all."

then something broke inside of luca kaneshiro as he braved himself to crack his eyes open for only a little bit more. then he sees you, alive and well.

"y/n?" he croaks out. "what...?"

"sorry, luca," is all you manage, offering him a faux smile as you point the gun at him. "thanks for everything anyway."

bang.

Masterlist!