#the inherent tragedy of loving and been loved by a man who can never actually accept you as you are and blah blah blah

[givemeureyes]

my favorite thing about jonathan sims ships is that they are all in some way inherently toxic except for like… jongerry. and maybe that’s bc they didn’t get a lot of time to be toxic but it’s just so funny to me. jongerry you will always be famous

[saintsenara]

sirius black/nymphadora tonks

thank you very much for the asks, anons!

so - first things first - harry "unexamined bisexuality" potter being convinced there could be no other explanation for tonks' melancholy during half-blood prince than her being in love with sirius [despite the fact that she's a frontline soldier in the war that horrifying news is being reported about every single day; despite the fact that her aunt is one of the most prominent death eaters and she and her family are, therefore, in enormous danger] is one of the single funniest things he ever does.

[harry low-key thinking tonks is annoying, and that sirius could do better, is another.]

but - outside of harry's sordid little fantasies - i'm actually going with... potential winner, if some very careful wrangling with the characters is done.

it's quite striking in order of the phoenix that sirius and tonks barely interact with each other - tonks spends a lot of time with lupin [unsurprisingly] and kingsley, as well as with ginny and hermione, both of whom clearly adore her, but she and sirius never actually speak to one another outside of an operational [an order meeting, an order mission] context.

[which is why harry should have listened to ron, who is the only person to point out in half-blood prince that it makes no sense for harry and hermione to think that tonks' grief - as enormous as it is - might relate to sirius, who she barely knew.]

but there's a plausible explanation for the distance between sirius and tonks in canon which i think could get very interesting in the right hands...

which is that the tonks of order of the phoenix is... kind of unserious about the war. she's introduced as a bolshy, vibrant, loud, chatty, cocky young woman - holding her own and standing out among a group of people who are all much older and more battle-worn than she is. she takes up space and she shows off [her taking requests to transform at the dinner table! iconic!]. and - while she clearly recognises that the order's mission is dangerous and important - she also clearly thinks that being in a secret resistance society is... cool.

this is not - in any way - how the post-azkaban sirius - a man whose attitude towards being in the resistance is that the main thing worth doing for your cause is dying for it - understands things.

but it clearly is how the sirius of the first war thought.

the inherent tragedy of james and sirius' young adulthood is that they both clearly believed themselves invincible. there is a carelessness woven through their [very real] commitment to the anti-voldemort cause - in how james and lily behave when they're in hiding; in the secret keeper swap; in how, as sirius says, "the risk would've been what made it fun for james" - which directly contributes to james' death and sirius' earth-shattering grief.

i think there's something incredibly compelling which could be done with an exploration of this dynamic - sirius thinking that tonks doesn't take being in the order seriously as a manifestation of his own immeasurable guilt; tonks thinking that sirius' nihilism is just as dangerous as arrogance, thinking that, when the odds are against you as it is, you need to be cocky enough to believe that you can wiggle your way out of anything - particularly in the way it might start to chip through the layers of sorrow which surround sirius during order of the phoenix and help him begin - tentatively - towards forgiving himself for his role in james' death, finding his grief an easier burden to carry, and accepting that - while, yes, there are things worth dying for - there are things worth living for as well.

harry would be shaking though, i fear.

[bored-trans-orchidsexual]

A Starstruck Odyssey, and Masculinity

I have thoughts and am just gonna unload them on Tumblr. That's what we do here, right? I recently have been re-listening to Starstruck and have had some thoughts on it's depictions of masculinity. This isn't a serious post per se, just some thoughts and observations. Starstruck has a wide spectrum of masculine characters on display, though a lot of it is hostile/toxic. Most men or male-coded characters are either outright villains, or more neutral parties with some toxic and selfish tendencies. Don't get me wrong it's a wild violent galaxy and that's the point, the entire party participates in scamming, kidnapping, exploitations, and unnecessary murder and we love to see it, it's not like it explicitly makes all men out to be inherently more monstrous and evil than others. But I do think the depictions of masculinity can be interesting to observe. Amercadia is a pretty cut and dry critism of the patriarchy and American nationalist culture, which is fantastic worldbuilding to include. Many of the masculine-coded androids are actually pretty nice, friendly and helpful or serious about their jobs, aside from a bitchy one in the beginning who injects our main 'droid with an anxiety spike about being one of a kind. Pretty much all of the Slugs we meet occupy masculine bodies, and they seem to have an abstract gender that picks up pronouns from the body they occupy, though the monarch is objectively a king and uses masculine pronouns even before getting a body, and he's pretty selfish and stupid.

But the main pair I'm thinking of, is Barry and Gunnie. Looking at the two of them, there's a lot you can assume. Big Barry Syx is this massive, bulky dude in power armor and shades with a mullet, while Gunnie is a 4' 11" techie cyborg with a big ol' smile. Listen to them in action and many of your assumptions are reinforced; Barry is a total dude-bro associated with nuts, steroids, working out, and acting much like gym bros in our modern life, while Gunnie is a hyperactive technician just doing his best, despite being mired in sympathetic tragedy. Barry's trauma is fairly fantastical or common to stories, having his family gunned down by one of his own, while Gunnie is mostly weighted down by medical debt after he got in an accident after trusting the wrong person. Based on these apperent details one would assume Barry is this toxicly masculine jackass who's insecure about his flaws, while Gunnie is the smartest man on board and is trying to keep everyone in line, doing the right thing, ect. And of course, you'd be dead wrong. Gunnie, while a sympathetic and likable character, is *mired* in toxic masculine traits. While it was an accident that put him in his situation, it was brash foolishness and ignoring obvious red flags that got him in that position in the first place, not to mention a rebellion against his family driving him to it. Furthermore, as Lou himself admits in Adventuring party, Gunnie's *pride* is the reason his problems are so vast; He comes from a lot of money, his initial debt might have never happened or mostly gone away to begin with if he went back to his dads for help. His toxicity doesn't make him an unlikable character but he does have these traits. He's brash, prideful, and ignores common sense a lot. He is also very nice and friendly with others, listens to people, ect. He doesn't have *every* toxic trait in the book, but has them which I tend to not even notice because he's just a funny little guy. Barry, meanwhile, is just about the most wholesome and giving person in the entire 'verse. Syx *And* Nyne, when not under a slug's control, are these total sweetheart bros. Sure, they shit talk each other with friendly ribbing, and yes they are very good at violence, but this violence is always motivated by helping those in need or fighting for those who can't fight for themselves, the Barry Battalion way. Barrys hate it when people are rude, or hurt the innocent. Barrys fight for their friends, provide endless support and praise, and will throw their very bodies into danger to protect or help, as seen on Rec 97 and in the big finale of the battle of the brands. And while the thing the love most is other Barrys, that does not mean that what they respect is also being heavily macho dudes. Barry one (or was is spelled differently? Barry Won? who knows) was the professor who created the other Barrys, a nerdy and fragile professor type, that the Barrys loved and treated as a fellow Barry *literally* the moment they were created. Even Syd is a Barry now, and that's accepted both by Barry Syx who's known her a long time and bonded with her, as well as Barry Nyne who literally, to his perception, *Just* met her, despite her appearance as like a waitress with an arm canon. Being a Barry, in other words, isn't about being just like them, having the name Barry, or anything like that. It's a vibe, it's a way to be, and the 'verse is better off with these super wholesome boys who, despite embodying many stereotypes of the gym bro, posses *none* of the commonly toxic traits also associated with that. They aren't insecure around smarter people or those with different skillsets, they hold no gendered assumptions, and they never wanna use their might to opress others for their own satisfaction.

Just, some thoughts.

[softlyapocalytpic]

I feel like I remember a post going around a while ago about the inherent tragedy of Fallout 4 and the anti-climax that is Finding Shaun and- I just can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t.

(Going under a cut because this post got away from me LMAO)

It’s a tragedy. Your son is a cold horrific monster of a man who looks at people as experiments over being people. He’s egotistical to the point of thinking of himself as somehow larger than life- not quite godly, but something more adjacent to that- because of his control over life. *Because of how they groomed him to be. He was never allowed to be a “normal” kid. The Shaun we meet is doomed, hopeless, and it’s… heartbreaking. That’s your son and.

And he’s dead. He dies no matter what faction you choose. There’s no chance for true reconciliation.

(*There’s something to say about the parallels between Shaun and Maxson as characters that I’ve talked about to others in the past but still sticks with me. Not the post for it necessarily, but I wanted to mention it.)

For me personally, the ending of Fallout 4 wasn’t victorious, it was hollow. Now, part of that is definitely influenced by what I was going through at the time, but it has stuck with me how the only lights of hope I felt were… well it was Deacon. He made it less empty. Made it feel like it meant something good.

I didn’t like pushing the button though. I thought about all the shit that could’ve taken from Institute and used for the wasteland for something good. Thought about Shaun. Thought about how I couldn’t truly say goodbye to him. Felt like I was playing out the motions, and that fucking slideshow did nothing to help the hollowness.

It’s not victorious. But then we keep going anyway. There is still work to be done. And there’s companions to keep you company, to make the world a little brighter.

And Jesus Christ I love that fucking game. I love the sandbox and I love the way that when it hits? It fucking hits.

And guess what! Fallout 3? Fallout 76? Also fucking tragedies.

Sure, Broken Steel brings the LW back from the dead, but Lone died even if Lone isn’t “dead”. The slideshow still plays. You wake up and suddenly aren’t dead, but you should be. You should be. You, a nineteen year old kid were tasked with being a martyr. Sarah is pissed off when you ask her to do it. It should be you in the eyes of the narrative. You should be the one bearing the weight of martyrdom. Follow in your Father’s footsteps.

Fallout 76? I… your nuking the Appalachia repeatedly. Everything is gone by 2277. The bright future meant to rejuvenate the Wasteland ends up destroying it. Idfk what else there is to say on that front.

And these are just… the main Bethesda titles. 1, 2, and NV are arguably in the same boat but there’s a bit more in the sense that… well for those ones it’s much more about the “you’ve won, but at what cost?”. In the original Fallout, and let’s say you take the (I think more popular route) of talking to the Master rather than fighting him: you watch someone realize the weight of the atrocities they’ve committed, realize they had no purpose, and then kill himself and everyone there after you personally have gone through actually psychic hell to approach him. Then, you get kicked out of your only home you’ve ever known!

Fallout 2? You home is decimated, your people traumatized, and you must rebuild it from the ground up. You defeated the Enclave, but they took something from you that can’t be replaced or forgotten.

New Vegas… god there’s so much there and there’s another point I want to make to this post- make I can make it feed into this but- the Mojave gets ravaged by war. No matter who wins, atrocities will continue to have been done and to be committed. There’s deadly forces on the horizon who don’t give a SHIT about this petty war and the fucking dumb politics of these major powers. It will hit any faction hard and unmercifully. And there was still a war that consumed an entire land. So companion has a truly “happy” end. They’re all scarred and broken and have to make peace with the path they’ve chosen. People win, but they don’t win, y’know?

And I wish- as much as I love these tragedies- I wish there was more… hope. I wish that the world of Fallout allowed the brightness to shine through a little brighter. To allow the people who try to rebuild into something new to be more successful, to be allowed to take the narrative into their hands, bECAUSE HOLY FUCK DOES THIS DARK ASS WORLD HAVE SO MUCH MORE HOPE THEN ITS EVER GIVEN CREDIT FOR.

Begin Again is a rallying cry for me. The end of Lonesome Road, if you spare Ulysses, is a rebellion against the fucking cycle of violence and hatred. You want to BUILD something. Create rather than just regurgitate the old world into something more twisted than it’s corpse.

Surviving the purifier? Rebelling against the notion that you must die, that you must be a martyr, taking your life into your own hands? Watching a source of clean water be handed out for free and spread across the Wastes? Fucking! Breathing new life into Harold and so he breathes new life into the Earth?

Living even though you’ve lost all your family? Getting a new one in the people who follow you? Helping people rebuild the Commonwealth after it’s been terrorized and destroyed? Leaving this world stronger and safer then when you came into it?

Honestly- this post got away from me. @persephotea got me in my Fallout 4 thoughts (of which I have so many and they’re always trying to burst out of me) and I got to thinking about what I try to write about in my fics. Hope. Hope, hope, hope.

I choose a kinder Fallout world not because I’m trying to soften the edges, but because I want to believe that humanity has such an ability to be kind if it chooses to. That a world ravaged by destruction would CHOOSE kindness and growth. That despite all the darkness and selfishness, people would choose to Begin Again.

It’s all a fucking tragedy, but that’s only if the cycle continues. We can change it. We can end it. Just gotta choose to do it.

If you got this far, thank you for reading my tired thoughts and please please please share yours. I want to hear your thoughts so bad. Okay okay, I’ll post now.

[dgrailwar]

Round Δ, Day 5 - Team Pretender

You felt something crawling on top of you. Spindly legs and soft wings, and the feeling of an intensely inquisitive gaze.

Before your vision could clear, a surly voice cut through the silence.

"Blanca. Back off."

Focusing on the voice, you saw Pretender. The graceful king of the fairies was long gone, replaced by a young man who... if he wasn't completely unruly and standing in a room filled with trash, could have made a rather fetching evil prince.

"So, that Overseer actually set the server back up. It seems like none of the important stuff has gotten erased. Because, well, I'm like this still."

"Either way, the war is still happening, and you're still (technically) my Masters. So, you know. Keep it up. Good luck. We've got this. Et cetera, or whatever."

SERVANT DETAILS:

HP: 2/3

Team Pretender has no Command Spells remaining!

Oberon's True Name has been unveiled! His power has increased, but he's lost the ability to recover!

Evening Shroud and Morning Lark (EX Rank) - In the cover of night, even the most unscrupulous warriors can at least feign greatness. When the sun rises, warriors gain the morale to fight another day. When engaged in combat, gain a +5% boost.

Affection of the Fairy Princess (Unranked) - A 'false' skill. The fair Princess of the Autumn Forest fell in love with the vile King of the Mors, who was cursed to never love. A tragedy almost Shakespearean in nature. When Oberon would take his final wound, Blanca will take the damage in his place, killing herself in his stead. This does not work against 'red'-grade Noble Phantasms, that possess a power that can destroy both Oberon and Blanca together.

Fairy Eyes (Unranked) - When 'Playing Defensively', increase your +5% combat boost to +7%. He also cannot be 'Ambushed'.

A Midsummer Night's Dream (EX Rank) - Rather than just reducing the effectiveness of Servant-imposed demerits, he is immune to them entirely. Unlike other demerit immunities, this ignores the effects of Servant traits and Free-for-All demerits as well. He gathers 'Curses' from combat, which can be used to fuel his Noble Phantasm (baseline +1 for participating, +2 for winning, and +3 for winning with more than 20% over your opponent). Current Curses: 0

NOBLE PHANTASM: Lie Like Vortigern (EX Rank)

A strange, all-consuming Noble Phantasm. Enemies caught in it suffer from a -20% demerit during that round, and Oberon-Vortigern gets a +20% boost and deals 2 wounds to anyone caught within it, where they are unable to act for the following round. It only becomes available for use once Pretender has accumulated at least 3 Curses, which is spent upon activation. It can entrap up to 3 enemies at once, expanding the Free-for-All to 4 Servants rather than 3.

Due to observing Alter-Ego's technique, he gains a +2% bonus against her!

Due to observing Foreigner's technique, he gains a +1% bonus against him!

Due to observing MoonCancer's technique, he gains a +2% bonus against her!

-

Class-Trait:

PRETENDER-CLASS Servants possess an inherent trickster nature. If they fall in last place during a Free-for-All, if there is a gap of 3% within their final score and that of the Servant in 2nd place, they can evade taking a wound. Additionally, if they're victorious against other Servants, other teams cannot attempt to study the Pretender in order to gain a percentage bonus against them.

[pawthorn]

Okay, so this has been in my brain for a while, but.

I love when Lou Wilson and Zac Oyama are in the same actual play show, because their characters so often explore characters in opposite directions.

(Character discussion for main-cast seasons of Dimension 20 and The Ravening War below.)

Lou Wilson often plays characters that are obviously heroically tragic in some way. This is especially apparent in his main-cast seasons of Dimension 20. Fabian Seacaster, son of a banished pirate who can never live up to his father’s ideals and will always be in his shadow. Kingston Brown, healer who has given up everything to protect his city. Amethar, last surviving sibling of his family, trapped in political games that are over his head. Gunnie, a brilliant kid with a dream that came crashing down immediately. Pinocchio, a puppet who can never be good enough to be a real boy.

With these characters, tragedy is obvious and visible from the start. But from there, Lou tends to explore the comedic side of tragic heroism. Almost every one of them has moments where their vision of themselves and the world just does not line up with reality, and comedy ensues. The clearest example is Fabian in Leviathan. Big and boisterous and past thought and reason, Fabian’s grand charge with the warlocks is horrifying, and it’s hilarious. You get the same energy in Gunnie at the casino and Pinnochio talking to Cinderella. Moments that are funny because of their inherent tragedy.

On the other hand, Zac Oyama’s characters are often steeped in inherent comedy. Gorgug, too big for his parents tiny gnome house. Ricky Matsui, Mr. March, whose dark secret is that he wasn’t always a firefighter (because he was a child once.) Lapin Cadbury, crotchety old bunny. Cumulous Rocks, cottoncandy-man of death. Norman Takamori, mean, put-upon, and incompetent space captain. Skip, a slug. Pib, an asshole cat.

Zac’s characters rarely hold the same gravitas as Lou’s at first glance. But the things that make them funny are often revealed to be truly tragic as the story progresses and their depths are explored. I think Ricky’s arc in TUC 2 is the most obvious example of this. What happens when your character is seen as a joke, but you removed the punchline? Ricky wasn’t always a firefighter, and now he isn’t. He isn’t the questing hero. He isn’t anybody. And we get this beautiful three-dimensional exploration of meaning in a character who perhaps seemed flat at first glance. And almost all of Zac’s characters are more than they seem. Lapin. Norman. Skip. Pib.

And once again, in The Ravening War, there’s a mirror in Lou and Zac’s arcs, with Deli starting out heroic, ambitious, filled with purpose, only to be played for a fool (the comic tragedy of his last interaction with Gemelli) and slip into obscurity. Colin, on the other hand, begins in obscurity, a seemingly funny cheese man messing up the clan’s introduction and eating charcuterie with Cleva. By the end, he has the strongest moral dedication of the group, getting the final blow on their enemy and dedicating himself to ridding the world of an evil organization for the rest of his life.

I’m just so happy that the two of them are in the main cast of Dimension 20, that we get to see them play across from each other so often. They’re two of my favorite players, and I can’t wait to see whatever is next for both of them.

[landwriter]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @tiltingheartand <3 thank you!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

11!

What's your total Ao3 word count?

129,874. Brevity evidently is not my strong suit! Which is also why the rest of this is under a cut.

What fandoms do you write for?

The Sandman! I also just watched Dead Boy Detectives and think I might write a couple little things for it too.

Top five fics by kudos:

Saint Morpheus (11,882 words) - My first fic! Saints and worship

The Death of Translation (10,968 words) - the Language fic

Oaths (60,443 words) - Tam Lin AU and my precious baby. I'm so proud of this one. It's got so much of me in it. Def the first fic I would consider a full send

Border Country (6,100 words) - Clothing, the inherent body horror of being alive, and self-denial. Have always meant to do a sequel for this and may do for S2

Black Shore (3,962 words) - Monsterfucking :-) Weird little beast of a story that came out of nowhere fully formed

All Sandman, all Dream & Hob, haha. Doubt that will change with new fics unless I find a more popular pairing in a more popular fandom to write for

Do you respond to comments?

I do! I love discussing characters and theeeeemes and sharing enthusiasm with people. I love hearing what I've inflicted and I'll thank you for telling me <3 Once I started getting busier I found it a lot harder to keep up, but I treasure all my comments so if you suddenly get a reply like, a year later, you know why!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's for sure The Many Lives of Hob Gadling. Everything else I've written except Border Country has ended, like, tooth-rottingly kind and optimistic and love-filled. But lbr Dream is a man of tragedies. There'll be more

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's such a personal thing, but Oaths has the happy ending I would consider most wonderful sort of happiness. It's not the fluffiest or most fairy-tale (having written just that also), but this specific flavour of joy and peace in terms of experiencing the beauty of the world around you and being just shot full of love. The happiness of growing things and sunrises. Or Just Like Love. From the Corinthian's perspective. He's so happy with the state of things at the end.

Do you get hate on fics?

Only the once! Fortunately everybody else who has hated a fic of mine has been able to find the back button and gone off to read something else or grouse about it in private, which is the correct way of things. There's no reason, ever, to tell an author you disliked their story. They will not be grateful for it no matter how certain and correct you feel in your criticisms. Nobody wins! Sorry! Go tell a friend instead.

Do you write smut?

You betcha I do! The first time I wrote it for Saint Morpheus it felt so unnatural and I was just making a :| face the whole time but now sex scenes are among my favourite things to write. I feel like I've really cum come into my own with them more than any other kind of scene.

Craziest crossover:

I've never done a crossover! I love reading them though.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so! I mean, not great, etc., but personally I also deeply don't care. I imagine having a job where what I am actually creating & selling for money gets stolen often sort of skews my perspective on my fic getting stolen. It's not a commercial product. It isn't paying my mortgage. I give these words for free and with love. If they end up places I never put them, so be it! Such is the internet.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! 【授權翻譯】翻譯之死 The Death of Translation by Ethiseth. Legitimately one of the highest honours I think a fanfic writer can ever receive <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No!

All time favourite ship?

Hob / the world :-)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My very first WIP for Sandman! I started writing it then joined tumblr the next day, saw some of @messmonte's art, and was off writing Saint Morpheus in short order. Sorry 1989 canon divergence fic! Maybe one day.

What are your writing strengths?

Five dollar words. Long sentences. Big sweeping feelings. Instilling my personal values, i.e. love is real, you are surrounded by beauty at every turn, you deserve the things you want, monologues are a normal and practical form of communication, etc.

What are your writing weaknesses?

God, actually finishing and sharing things, I think. I haven't had enough time in my life lately and it kills me! But it's also such a me problem because I love to worry at and chew on WIPs forever. Writing fast would be so cool. Pew pew pew! New fics left and right. You guys would be buried in them. Man, I wish.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Can run gimmicky but also I love multiple languages in one conversation as subtext so much - I'm torn. Same as accents in that I suspect it's most cases better to just note it in the speech tags, unless you're willing to go through the trouble of inline/hovertext translations, and then at that point it's a bit If You Give A Mouse A Cookie for me where I'll want translator's notes too, maybe some metatextual payoff, etc.

First fandom you wrote in?

Technically FMA, but that's a story for another day hahaha. Sandman, really.

Favourite fic you've written?

Oh golly. Oaths. I did so much for the first time with that story. But it's hard to choose, which is such a nice problem to have. I think it's easy when you've never written fic before for each new thing to mean something different to you!

No-presh tagging @wordsinhaled, @moorishflower, @tj-dragonblade and anyone who wants to do this too - just tag me so I can be nosy <3

[erebosblue]

welcome to: I never post but I kinda want to sum up how I feel about (616) Peter Parker.

so, like. I've tried to do this many times and always end up coming short of fully explaining myself because I have ✨𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈.✨

note: I have done an ass ton of research over my couple years of loving Spidey, but that does not mean I know everything. if something sounds wrong, it might be! I'm just a 17 year old idiot who got attached to an absolute mess of human being.

note #2: I am trying not to make this all about how much I dislike MCU Peter, but it will come up from time to time so just be aware of that.

first and foremost, I want to talk about comics as a whole. a lot of choices around characters have less to do with what a character would actually do and more what a writer wants or general comic/societal culture at the time. every character will be different depending on the writer and you're gonna make your own interpretation of a character from what you like. that doesn't mean certain things can't be out of character, just that a comic character can vary quite a bit depending on the person. that's part of the fun of comics tbh.

what I'm trying to say is that if my character analysis doesn't feel like it's what you read, it very well might not be and that's okay. Peter is a character that's been around since the 60's. he's developed over time and will continue to as time goes on. like, for instance, how he's changed from a high school kid trying to get by to a mid-to late twenties mentor for Miles (1610) and Gwen (65).

alright onto more interesting points. and actually a kinda heavily debated topic. whether Peter is a naturally good person or not. mainly this is just about his origin and how he really just straight did not care. honestly, part of the reason I really like how the comics did his origin is that he's not an self-absorbed prick. (even though it would be reasonable if he was considering he was 15.) he's more,,, jaded.

Peter was a social outcast his whole life. he didn't make any sort of friend until Freshman year. he's also super traumatized. his parents' death is kinda over-looked a lot, but it was shown that it really set in action his fear about everyone around him dying that has only gotten worse from, well, just that happening. he's shown in younger years to help people, and even in Freshman year he puts his safety on the line to make sure his bullies don't get stabbed by his friend, but he also kinda just,,, doesn't care.

personally, I really like characters that are inherently good people, but are limited by trauma making them apathetic. (ahem me with a male P3 protag icon.) not all trauma responses are loud or easy to fix. it's totally reasonable for Peter to close himself off from a world that has only been cruel to him, but the fact that moves past this? yes, it took a tragedy, but sometimes you need something big happening to realize.

Peter is inherently a good person, but he's also,,, short-sighted at times. he can royally fuck up because he was trying to do the right thing and just really missed the mark. but I honestly thinks this makes him more likable. intent doesn't change the affect, but if you're a vigilante, you're gonna fuck up from time to time. he's always been a hero grounded in reality and I don't think that makes him any less of a good person.

speaking of trauma, the fact that he hated working with other heroes for the longest time is mwah chef's kiss. mans did not make a real friend until college so, like, of course he's gonna have problems trusting other heroes. (especially since most heroes have tried to kill him but that's neither here nor there.)

this is one of the times I will be ragging on MCU Peter so skip to the next paragraph if you don't want that. there are many reasons not to like MCU Peter wanting to be an Avenger so goddamn bad, but one of the ones that irk me so much is the fact that it just gets rid of so much character development. 616 Peter had to learn how to trust heroes, to trust people, with something as serious as his life after being tormented by basically everyone that wasn't his caretakers. he now works with heroes just fine but like??? it's been a long ass time you can't just skip all that.

anyway, moving on. another thing I just fucking love about 616 Peter is how he is just a ball of fucking rage. this is basically never explored outside of 616 but it is genuinely one of my favorite parts of the comics. this man has been put through so many things and he is just so. done. like the canonical reason why him having Venom is a bad idea is because Venom specifically will go feral when their host is pissed and Peter is, to state again, a ball of rage.

like, yes, sometimes he doesn't kill because ✨moral compass✨ but more recently a lot of the times he hasn't is because The Giant Web That Holds The Entire Multiverse Together Said No.™️ I could make a whole post about how much I adore Spider-Totem stuff, and I just might, but my point is Peter is just done with shit and life in general and I love it.

this is so rambly and not gonna go over everything I want it to, but I'm gonna get powering on until I have to go to bed.

I also genuinely love how even though they will never come out and say Peter is any sort of queer of way, he is so queer-coded. his relationship with many of his male friends is fruity as FUCK and Peter straight wore a crop top with the word animal across it and booty shorts. (if you've never seen it, let me treat you.)

this hasn't even covered half of what I know I want to cover so let me speedrun some points before I literally pass out.

Peter "I'm partial to clones" Parker and his relationship with Kaine and Ben is my favorite relationship dynamic (/p) in all of 616. the fact that they are just absolute bastards to each other but only they are allowed to be. no one else can touch the others.

Peter's closest hero friendships being Daredevil, Wolverine, Johnny Storm (I can't remember his hero name right now I think I'm officially losing it,) and Deadpool is so fucking good. he just loves someone that he can argue with and that is also my ideal friendship. just absolutely besties and fuck with each other but will absolutely kill for each other.

I love Peter being a teacher and/or mentor SO MUCH. please I need more of it, no one appreciates how good of a teacher he is and it's mean. :(

his guilt. man as someone with an awful guilt complex I just,, adore his so much. the way that every other character is like "woah dude chill" is just so fucking funny to me as he mentally just shuts down because oh god how dare he not be perfect.

unrelated but the fact that Miles can tell the difference between how Peter and Ben talk is literally one of my favorite facts. like that says two things.

Miles knows Peter so well that he knows the way he talks and

Peter and Ben have become such different people that they talk with different speech patterns and/or in different tones of voice.

personally, I headcanon that Ben rambles more and talks in a higher register but kyldktdoy this is off topic- (I should make a Ben post too.)

okay, I'm delirious, the point is: Peter is a really interesting and good character and I love him so much. I personally resonate a lot with how he handles trauma and I think it's well done. but stldykd that's just me.

I'll add on later because I know I have more to say.

[goodmorningdove]

tell me fun deltarune facts!!

instead of a fun fact have uhh what i think is how toby fox is going to tell the stpry of delatrune. Or rather, how he's controlling our perception of the narrative. For starters, toby has the advantage of us inherently percieving deltarune through the lens of undertale, which i think has lead to the perception that ralsei may be evil (bcz ralsei = asriel who is flowey and flowey acted nice but then turned and tried to kill you famously) but i personally think ralsei genuinely thinks he is doing the right thing.

I think toby is deliberately feeding us misleading information. Like at the end of chapter 1 when jris brandishes their knife it's like "OH SHIT OH FUCK IS KRIS EVIL??" and then chap 2 opens and it's like nahh they just ate a whole pie. honestly mood i relate to kris so fucking much in that moment. who hasnt wanted to eat an entire pie after befriending their school bully after exploring a magic world together and meeting a weird clone of your brother.

anyway i think toby is continuing to give us misleading information, like what the hell was up with kris at the end of chap 2. also what the hell is up with the secret bosses and shadow crystals and eggs. Yeah that's right fucking EGGS are a lore implicated object. There is a man. He gave you an egg. There is no longer a man. Wing Dings Aster i am fucking onto you you egg faced bastard.

Anyway. I guess fun fact i used to be a little uncomfortable with kris befriending suzie bcz of my history of being bullied (it sucked) but the spamton sweepstakes revealed that kris knows... something idk Suzie threatened kris at one point pre deltarune and as per usual suzie is threatening to eat kris's face but kris said SOMETHING to suzie that made suzy run out of the room. We don't know what kris said. we know it was short, we know it scared off suzie. Not permenantly, but she did run out of the room. Also fun fact noelle holiday is a fan of hacking video games! This may be foreshadowing that noelle is necessary to changing how deltarune ends (we are all convinced deltarune will end in a tragedy and honestly i do not know why. To be fair the ending is literally canonically a fever dream i am not joking the ending to deltarune came to toby in a dream while he was sick with a fever)

anyway uhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah can i go on a suzelle rant? haha this is my post you can't stop me!!! anyway the idea that suzelle is toxic or isn't going to be canon is just not something i see as textually becoming true (one theory guy i watch loves the idea of sizie turning noelle down and i personally just don't see that as the most narratively potent storyline) Here's what we know about noelle and suzie's storylines indivdually. Suzie: a supposed toughgirl who's actually emotionally scarred and covers her fears of being judged by being aggressive. She also is afraid that people will judge her for being too loud or aggresive when she tries to fit in, so she purposefully goes over the top aggresive so she's in control of the narrative. Her narrative has already started with her and kris becoming weirdo friends as well as her friendship with lancer and beginning to open up to Ralsei's sensitiveness also being something that suzie at least kind of enjoys. Noelle: soooo fucking scared her mother is scary and doesnt let her express emotions at all, her sister is missing and her dad is in the hospital so she's stuck with her scary mother who is probably even colder than normal due to stress of a missing daughter and sick husband. Noelle also has a sort of facination with scary things, she's a lil thrill seeker but she has a difficult time differentiating what's a fun scare and what's a bad scare. Most things feel like a bad scare... except for suzie! suzie is a fun scare, largely because suzie has never once been actually mean to noelle (and kris seems like they arent actually afraid of suzie) and noelle's arc in chapter 2 (snowgrave notwithstanding) is about her standing up to Queen who has been trying to use noelle's power to open up another dark fountain. Their arcs combined, to me at least, will become suzie learning that her weirdness/scaryness won;t drive noelle away and also is part of what noelle likes about suzie. She also won't have to worry about noelle judging her for being sensitive because well, noelle is quite sensitive! Noelle meanwhile i see gaining more and more confident, and suzie will act as noelle's hypewoman. This will further Noelle's confidence because suzie IS very strong so if someone doesn't take noelle seriously then suzie can step up to help and be like "you wanna try that again?" to the idiot trying to disrespect noelle. also i think it would be really cute and funny if noelle and suzie went on a date to watch a horror movie and noelle is staring at the screen very intently meanwhile suzie is clinging onto noelle out of pure fear.

also no one knows what the fuck ralsei is but there are some theories (surprisingly the dead asriel theory actually holds weight and explains a lot) BUT an obvious angle is that ralsei is the missing green crayon from kris's house combined with kiris's old red horned headband. Personally i think the red horned headband is a bit of red herring (lol) as i personally think kris is just uh depressed. I know ralsei has pink horns which i know is abnormal for what we know of asriel but like. idk it could just be that ralsei isnt asriel. or asriel's horns ARE pink afterall we have only seen asriel: without horns and: with horns in god of hyper death mode which also happens to have his sprite in black and white. So like theres a lot of wiggle room.

anyway now im going to off about my kris is depressed theory thing. i think it's pretty obvious that kris is an allegory for depression. They are the boring human in a town full of monsters, their best friend and brother has left for college, who they probably have been living in the shadow of as he has all done. It's also quite possible that kris's only other friend, noelle, may have also only been because of asriel, as noelle has an older sister, Dess, who very likely was friends with asriel, while kris and noelle were mostly just friends by proxy. Kris may be afraid that when Asriel returns he won't want to hang out with kris anymore. Maybe that's why Kris is opening the dark fountains? to put the world in jepordy and then save the world so their brother still thinks they are cool. It's a bit extreme but idk maybe kris is also suicidal (which i actually do think is true)

also im like 99% sure that suzie does not know that asriel exists. and i cant wait for her to learn about him. like that's going to be fucking hilarious.

anyway this turned into a fucking mess i hoped you enjoyed it :) go play deltarune chapters 1&2 they are free :)

[margridarnauds]

fanfic writer director's cut: ⭐

(From "Metempsychosis")

(Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut ask game)

It is a long process. It is a slow process. It is not built in a single day, like many of Wolfie's songs, made on the spot for the entertainment of his friends at a party, but built up, day after day, minute by minute. There are times that she is not sure if it is worth doing -- raising the dead is a dangerous business, because one never knows what might be raised along with it. But note by note, she has started to build another kingdom for herself, one with painted walls and ivory columns, where she is safe, where she is alive. She might not be a butterfly, but she knows something about reincarnation. She lives it every day. It is a long process, and never longer than in moments like these, in the stillness, when the world is open again and she is alone with her thoughts and there is no one to guide her, when she is mistress of her own body and mind. The distance between her fingers and the keys might as well be the distance between the mind and the soul. But there are two choices: To die or to be reborn, and she has to make the choice, each day, just like the sun has to make the effort to rise. She has to will herself to continue on, because what is the alternative? To stagnate, to suffocate in a house that has lost all of its air?

I've talked before about how deeply personal this one was and how it was coming at a particularly rough time, when I was coming out of the end...or at least started to begin an upward slope out of, a very deep depressive episode that lasted throughout the first and second years of my program. I often talk about how much of myself I've put into, say, Margrid or Lazare, but in reality, when I think about it, I think that it's probably Nannerl.

The story of Nannerl Mozart is often written as a tragedy. Poor Nannerl. Possibly the more musically gifted Mozart. Her burgeoning career sacrificed upon the altar of the patriarchy. Forced to be a wife and mother.

The irony, of course, is that while this line of thinking isn't inherently INACCURATE, in its attempts to bring light to Nannerl's brilliance, it actually erases her life outside of her childhood. Nannerl is born, she's a genius, and she dies decades before her time, reduced to an eternal child without any personality. Her son is taken by her father, the cycle repeats again. Poor, poor lost Nannerl.

What was more interesting to me was when I found out that Nannerl still kept up with music as her life developed, into her widowhood and her children being grown. And I really wanted to work with that feeling of picking up a hobby after ages, how things that seemed effortless before are so DIFFICULT, the frustration and the mourning of that feeling, the way that, when you do that, it can be very emotionally difficult as all sorts of memories and What-Could-Have-Beens inevitably resurface, all the people who you might have lost in-between when you stopped and when you started it again.

We praise Mozart a lot for how effortless his genius was, all those stories about him making up music on the spot, either for parties or because he suddenly needed something before opening night. We LOVE the story of the boy genius, chosen by God, so brilliant that he was doomed to burn out before he became an old man, and it's understandable why, but what about when the artistic process...isn't easy? Nannerl has freedom, she can do anything she wants, but she has all these mental blocks. She can't be the wünderkind anymore. And freedom's terrifying. Even when it's just the kind of freedom that comes when it's 2 AM and there's no one around to tell you how to spend your time. Because it's all on you, it's all your choice, it's all your decision, and you have to make the conscious effort to push yourself even when your body and mind are telling you that it's hard, because if you don't do it, you'll always feel that hole in yourself.

How would it have felt for Nannerl to have had that incredibly close sibling relationship with Wolfgang as children, only for them to grow distant? Would she have thought of him every time she started to play, at least on some level? Her father? Her mother? Her husband? The children she cared for that never saw adulthood? I had to imagine it would have been an incredibly heavy thing.

I put in a lot of butterfly imagery in it, both because Nannerl's iconic blue dress in the French production has butterfly designs sewn into it and it's something that's really uniquely HERS and because butterlies are traditionally associated with reincarnation in various cultures, so it really ties the themes I was going for into Nannerl's character.

So, yes, this is still probably one of my Top 5 fics I've ever written, honestly, very likely in my Top 2, and I think this passage is really vital for tying everything together. I believe that this was one of the sequences I'd actually written AFTER I was in the airport, when I was typing my initial, frantic draft out and tying everything together, as all these ideas started to really crystalize in my mind into something solid, and it was really formed by my own thoughts on the writing process and picking it up again. A part of me will always wonder whether it would have done slightly better had I published it when there was a larger MOR fandom presence on here, but I really don't think I could have done justice to themes back in 2018, either. I think that I really could have only written it from where I am now and having a bit more life experience under my belt.

[elvesofnoldor]

People who said that lestat is simply acting like a "bad person" sometimes or claimed that lestat is a totally different Guy in the vampire lestat (1985) probably just never understood who he is as a character and aren't interested in understanding him either. This is not about the dictonomy of good and evil, this is about what being trapped in pain does to people. Lestat is dead! What is good and evil to a dead person! Lestat functions the same way a vengeful spirit does: he died from traumatic death and couldn't moved on, so he continued on wrong and trapped in their own pain, bound to inflicting death and suffering on people around them!

if you pay attention to how he's portrayed in IWTV, then you'd see that the vampire lestat does not actually contradict its text in any substantial way. Louis never cared to understand Lestat as a person--he said that numerous times at the beginning of IWTV--but from his outside perspective, he did spot something about the way Lestat behaved as a vampire that better explains what makes him tick as a vampire/undead. Now, not to quote Tom Cruise of all people, but after Anne Rice yelled at him, he did seem to understand Lestat a bit better; he said that lestat did everything from a place of love and longing (check mark, correct), but he did them with sadism (bad phrasing, only pointed out the symptom not the cause, ultimately incorrect). Now, in life Lestat was a good and loving person, and in death, his actions were tainted with pain, vengeance and resentment--not sadism. Lestat died way too young, with too much hope in his heart and with too much love left to give. Lestat and Nicholas, the young man he was in love with, saved each other in Paris. Lestat was full of so much hope pursuing a life doing something he was passionated about. He ran away from his abusive family with the blessing of his mother, and now finally he could breath. And then boom, just like that, out of nowhere and for no reason at all, all of that went up in smoke. Lestat suffered a very traumatic death at only the age of 21, and he was forced to make an impossible choice: walk into the sunlight and embrace agony and true death, accepting the fact that he died and he had to leave his beloved Nicki, his friends, and his life full of promises and hope behind, or, he can continue as a vampire/a undead and try to make life works for him in this new and horrible state of being. But like all human being, he feared horrible pain and he could not let go of earthly attachments. He knew his death was not fair, that it was not just, and that he suffered death for no reason at all. If life could be taken from him for no reason, why shouldn't he take the life that he needed to continue his existence? Why should he suffer for something he was not responsible for? It is not theft if you are taking what should have been yours anyways, right? Sadly, no, It's selfish to wantonly inflict misfortunes on others just because you yourself have suffered tragedy, but Lestat was in pain, and he could not stop mourning his unjustly stolen life, so he must avenge such injustice with the lives of others. It's very hard to care whether your actions are selfish or not when you are in pain.

I think it kills Lestat to admit how apathetic and cruel he's become just to cope with/numb the pain and horror of having to take the life of others to sustain his own. He claimed that he tend to claim the lives of those who has done "evil", but such justification doesn't really stand on its two legs, it is just an excuse he made up to avoid facing the sort of person he has deteriorated into in death. With no way to understand his own capability for violence, Lestat likes to think himself as "the devil", as inherently evil, because he could not understand why he would kill over and over again to feed on people as a vampire. This rigid model of "good" and evil" doesn't help him to understand himself as a person, or help him to act like a more human and better version of himself. Honestly, such model doesn't really help you to understand him a character either.

[saintsenara]

"eighth time's the charm" and "a general history of invisibility" 👀

thanks so much for the ask, @cealesti! and i'm delighted to say that you have exquisite taste when it comes to picking from the work in progress tag game list.

two very tonally different fics here, though...

eighth time's the charm is a piece for @ladiesofhpfest - and, specifically, for the fortnight of the fest which will focus on women of colour in the harry potter universe [you can find the full schedule of themes here]

this bit of the fest should - all being well - get quite a lot out of me [i'm also planning a couple of little pieces focusing on cho chang and angelina johnson, because i admire both of them for yelling at harry at least once], but this is the main thing i'm working on.

and it centres on a woman who is about as far in the background of canon as it's possible to be - she gets literally one mention - but who has managed to have me in a chokehold since the publication of half-blood prince nonetheless...

mrs zabini.

i am obsessed with mrs zabini - she's famously hot! she's clearly killed all seven of her husbands! and yet slughorn was clearly willing to risk it all for a chance to meet her! unparalleled! - and i think that she's the perfect candidate to be given the sort of exploration this fest allows.

after all, where does she live? what does she do? who is she friends with [because it's clearly not going to be narcissa malfoy...]? if she kills her husbands for their gold, does that mean she started out poor? how is that going to be received in the posh, white pureblood circles she might move in? what side is she on during the war? what is her relationship with blaise like, seeing as she undoubtedly bumped off his dad? what is it like for her as a black woman in the spaces she inhabits?

and, above all, what does she actually think about love? did she pick her husbands ruthlessly, only interested in their cash and how easy they'd be to kill? or did she hope each time that she might have found the one, before they inevitably disappointed her in some way?

i think she's a bit of a romantic at heart... so I'm trying to get her to pick a little bit more sensibly for husband number eight.

we've compromised. he's very much not a nice man. but he also literally cannot die.

so there is, then, a little bit of overlap between this and a general history of invisibility...

because, yes, it's one of my guilty pleasures... bartymort.

i've always been fascinated by the inherent tragedy of both barty crouch jr. and barty crouch sr. [who's getting his own well-deserved attention in subluxation, another piece on this wip list], and the fact that - in canon - we only ever see their relationship in the broad brushstrokes of tabloid gossip: the clever, quidditch-loving son of a brilliant politician; the brutal terrorist whose dad was never home on time; the kid who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and the man who sent him to azkaban without a second glance.

and even when we get the reveal - and, may i say, bcj you will always be famous - we're still left confused by a man who would let his own wife die in azkaban in order to free his son, by an elf who wanted her master to have the chance to watch a match again, and by the question of how - exactly - barty crouch jr. ended up aware that the dark lord is named after his father.

what lord voldemort was smoking that night is, therefore, a key part of this fic, but it is - in the main - a coming of age story for a young man whose life is lived, in many senses, in disguise.

never able to live up to his parents' expectations, never entirely sure how to relate to his father, alone and friendless - except for winky - for most of his childhood, mild, polite, and clever...

never clocked by anyone as teetering on the abyss of radicalisation.

ready to be destroyed by the very first person who deigns to pay him some attention.

lord voldemort's habit of collecting waifs and strays is something i love exploring, and him colliding head-first with barty's cataclysmic daddy issues is... a lot.

and, unsurprisingly, it does not end well.

[deripmaver]

I agree with a lot of criticisms behind the Apostle Casca theory, but I don't think they're inherently tied to the concept itself. We've seen with Ganishka that an apostle doesn't HAVE to serve the Godhand and can even stand against them, and we've seen with Gutsca themselves that the sacrifices don't have to perish for it to work. I also think you're missing an excellent candidate for Casca's potential sacrifice: Griffith himself. He fits the category for the whole "loved one who's the source of all your suffering and the object of your hate, anger, grieving love, etc" thing that comes with most of the sacrifices. The plan could be to sacrifice MB Boy to free Griffith, but it backfires and Griffith gets branded alone or with him. That'd be a very fitting punishment for him and could cause a lot of issues for him down the line that could lead to his downfall. Casca having her own brand could also impact the sacrifice and/or her transformation into an Apostle.

I also think viewing the idea as something "evil" that only evil people would do kind of misses the tragedy behind the sacrifices. It's not just a regular "deal with the devil" situation, it's people being put through the most horrific circumstances by the designs of fate for the express purpose of breaking them mentally and emotionally, leaving them in a state of despair and desperation so great that they'd do anything to escape it, or to never feel pain so great again, only for the Godhand to turn them into cruel, vicious demons. We've seen a fourteen year old girl sacrifice her abusive parents and it turned her into a murderous monster with twisted emotions (Rosine.) Griffith had to literally lose everything and THEN be emotionally manipulated to finally do it. It's coercive by nature, a fixed game made by the Godhand through Causality. The apostles are just as much victims of the Godhand as the sacrifices.

It'd be excellent payoff for all the shit Casca's been through since Golden Age. She's lost her comrades, her bodily autonomy, her sanity, her freedom, even her child, to the man who she devoted her life to, who once saved her and gave her a home and a family in the Hawks, who made her the proud warrior she once was. And now she's trapped in a kingdom made in his image, populated by people who all worship him, completely unaware of the demon he truly is, surrounded by the same apostles who killed her friends and destroyed her sanity, soon to realize that her own child has become a vessel to that same man. That's not even getting into her repressed memories, including what Guts did to her in Fangs of Ego. If the Behelit is hers, the story has everything it needs to drive her to make a sacrifice.

Casca sacrificing Griffith would be the perfect way to turn that around. It'd be horribly tragic for her to reach that despair and become a monster, but it'd also be amazingly powerful to see her subject her abuser to the same brand he gave her, to gain the power she needs to finally fight back, the catharsis of unleashing her rage against him, the apostles he commands, and the kingdom he worked so hard to achieve. After about 300 chapters of suffering and strife, I truly believe, if done right, it could be the perfect climax for Casca's arc.

Sorry for the accidental essay lol Im just very passionate about the theory

You're fine anon LOL berserk provokes REALLY STRONG FEELINGS in pretty much everyone who reads it, myself included.

Idk if you've just seen the shorter ask answer or the whole longass essay post but just a couple things here, first off the scenario you laid out in this ask is actually one of the circumstances I'd be totally ok with the theory coming true!!!

My issues with the theory really do stem from how it, currently, would force Casca to work for and be subservient to Griffith, and how she'd be working alongside the monsters who killed her friends etc, but I mentioned a couple scenarios in the longer post where she could become an apostle and not have that happen (god hand schism, some weird effect of the brand, etc). This one that you've given me here is another example that I'd be very happy with, and ultimately what I want for her is exactly the same thing you want for her, that she's the one who brings about Griffith's downfall and forces his dream to slip through his fingers after unleashing the full force of her rage on him. I REALLY want to see that happen, oh my GOD.

I suppose, to me, I don't want to speculate too far outside the bounds of what's been seen in canon, which is why my post sticks to the "rules" we've seen so far, but that doesn't mean things couldn't change in a way that makes the theory palatable to me.

This next section I'm gonna get kind of pissy and anon I PROMISE it's not at you in particular LOL I'm fine with getting anons like this to discuss my meta and stuff, and I really like your idea for how the apostle Casca theory could happen in a way that doesn't make me want to tear my hair out, it's around some general stuff in the past few days.

I need to be clear that I don't think you have to be "evil" to be an apostle, and I don't think the people who sacrifice to become apostles are evil. Genuinely, I don't think either of my posts on the topic made that claim at all at any point, and in my longer post I made a point of mentioning Rosine sacrificing her abusive parents AND how Griffith had to be at complete rock bottom to sacrifice the BotH.

I think, and again I'm not mad at you about this I promise, there was a post going around saying "it's 2023 and people still think good people can't become apostles only evil people can," which I'm PRETTY SURE was a subtweet because of that first ask I answered about the apostle Casca theory. I think people have used that to determine what my posts said, which is kind of frustrating because this is not an argument I made at any point. There's like an offhand line in the ask that says "people forget Casca is a good person" before the anon, again, drives in how their issue is with Casca working for Griffith. So, I agree with you that you don't need to be evil to be an apostle, which is something that I've said multiple times at this point, and I never claimed all apostles are evil in the first place 😭

Ok so anyone reading this, don't send me asks about how not all apostles are evil, this conversation is closed, we have established that I agree with u and I NEVER said they were and I have reaffirmed my position on that multiple times!!!!!!!

But yes hahahaha I now have written you a whole essay in response to your ask, I like this kind of discussion so I hope this doesn't put you off, and I think your feelings on the apostle Casca theory are completely legitimate!! Ultimately what happens in canon happens and we'll have to live with it regardless so ya know, we'll see!

[phantastragoria]

1, 10, 21, 25, 28 for the comic ask game 👀

1. Who's your favorite character and why?

I love all of the five main Guardians equally (plus associated others to varying degrees) but Peter Quill is my little silly man who I want to put into an enclosure so I can study him through a glass wall. I could write various essays about his character and WILL whenever I get some free time because the world NEEDS to understand him the way I do...

Despite his many inconsistencies in personality due to inconsistent writing, I find him to be a very fascinating character with his usually bright exterior but inherent loneliness even as he constantly surrounds himself with groups of people... the never-ending cycle of reinventing himself because he never seems quite comfortable in his own skin for prolonged periods of time... his abilities that I don't think anyone else quite understand because it's too complex... No matter how many times he gets his ass beat or fucks something up he always manages to find a way to continue on even if he really doesn't want to :'/ my scrunklie...

10. Share a favorite comic panel.

Annihilation: Conquest - Star-Lord #1 and Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #10

Sorry you're getting 2-for-1 pages because I CANNOT choose between the two nor just pick panels. The first I genuinely love just because it's soooo mundane... is there anything better than a suiting up scene... Timothy Green/Victor Olazaba really got across with so little just how completely tired he is of the universe's bullshit while contemplating alone.

The second is because that page is just the coolest with everything coming together... the payoff to Peter returning with the gained knowledge of his sun-elemental abilities... getting part of the gang together to take down a space weirdo... Juan Cabal's composition & Federico Blee's coloring are just SO good. All their issues on GotG (2020) were fantastic but shout-out to the last few they worked on together and especially with #9 as THE standout in my opinion.

21. Share a favorite piece of comics lore.

The most important lore ever is that Drax/Arthur Douglas' favorite meal was macaroni and cheese... we stan a simple king.

25. Who's your favorite villain?

This one is hard because I don't tend to keep up with any of the villains just on their own. I want to say Mysterio SO BAD but I'm not even a hardcore Spiderman reader, and he's done nearly nothing in the grand scheme of things, the mere concept of him is just so funny to me... But hmmmmm, I enjoy Galactus + some of his heralds, I have complicated feelings on Thanos... I find Shuma-Gorath interesting but his appearances are so inconsistent and lacking in giving him any real character of his own...

I actually really enjoy when the various Elders of the Universe show up. I think they work well for setting up an ongoing arc and or just to be a villain of the week thing, there's just such a big variety of extreme hobby fanatics to choose from for any occasion. I don't have a specific favorite out of them all though, maybe En Dwi Gast?

Now, specifically a favorite villain for the Guardians? I really liked the #evil Olympians in Ewing's GotG (2020) and part of me wishes they had been the main threat for a little longer. Greek mythos mixed with cosmic stuff is fun! Plus I feel they were thematically appropriate and a good foil for the team as a whole while also tying back to Peter with the usually forgotten Spartax stuff, the final battle/confrontation with them was great. Ultimately however I think Adam going Magus Mode in the DnA run and the tragedy of him turning after dealing with the fissure Fault and the team trying to do everything to prevent it, failing to do so and then Magus fucking with all of them, is still the most directly personal/effective threat they've had to deal with before or since if that counts for this... I know Magus wasn't directly their problem for more than a few issues but still.

28. What got you into comics?

I was super invested in the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comics when I was way younger after getting a free comic book day issue LOL that eventually faded away as I grew up and then my timeline was essentially:

Saw the first GotG film > read the current (at the time) comics and was like ehhhhhhhh and fell off for a bit >> eventually went through and read the Annihilation era stuff and then went further back for individual characters >>> by that point All-New Guardians launched in 2017 and I LOVED the first half of that run >>>> Then it devolved into mass crossover event insanity and completely dropped Gamora's personal stakes in the plot to have a random soul stone monster being the mastermind of it all >>>>> Saw IW + EG and was SO HEARTBROKEN by the Guardians treatment in those movies that I completely put off reading anything Marvel related for a while LOL >>>>>> then the Eidos game came out and broke me and I read thru all the stuff I missed after Infinity Warps/etc and now I'm here.

[henrysfedora]

I'm still obsessed with what the boys were like in school - specifically joe and vito as well as leo and frank - but I wouldn't put it past me to think about the others eventually. hell how was luca in school, I'm not sure what eddie would've been like but that's because the headcanons of him wandering the streets boxing his heart out is funner/cuter to me.

I think both vito and joe were awful in school, like respectfully <3 they were both doing numerous petty crimes to pay attention to any school work. though out of the two I feel like vito was the only one to do something at least, maybe that's why he makes the 'I didn't even know joe could write' comment because he did just under the bare minimum and joe did close to absolutely nothing. this just gets me more enraged because we know nothing about joe's parents - did they catch on to him being awful in school or did they never care? wrt the conversations on here I like to think they did care about him. joe was probably difficult to persuade back then, he still is now. stubborn, he's a stubborn bitch.

leo and frank, instantly I feel like leo was the one who did the most work out of the duo. personal hc's: leo was the quiet kid back in his school years, very much stand-offish and closed off, so he probably didn't mind chilling there writing n'shit. I wouldn't say he enjoyed it, but compared to frank, who would've been - like joe - dealing in petty crime and dodging the cops and other local gangs, probably didn't care that much for his education. this actually kinda works, in the sense of frank is the guy who supplies the muscle for the family, leo is the guy who provides the brains.

god what the hell were leo's parents like? with the way he acts I like to think they were probably stern, strict and let nothing slide. maybe one was worse than the other and the other one taught leo who to place his trust in or leo picked up on it himself. I don't think his parents were inherently bad but with the way he acts - it was either them or I can add another traumatised man to the list. leo loves a few people in game and yet again, discussions on here- leo just doesn't throw his praise and trust about. and I wonder if he ever struggled with it, leo is smart but he seems almost kinda, innocent with his trust, in a very specific way. with how he loves frank so much and vito and pepe, all men who are such wet rags honestly. I feel like these people are the only ones he has properly placed his trust in ever and they're all - not bad choices, but quite tragic, rather unfortunate. frank started looking in the opposite direction as he got older and got addicted to being people's father figure, leo couldn't have known any better though. vito being a soaked gay tragedy making mistakes and being too in love with his friends to let them go, not having the guts to leave them despite not necessarily loving the life and because of this leo has to come in and fix the mistakes he was a part of. I don't think leo placing his trust in pepe was a bad thing - but from a man like leo, one of the scariest men in empire bay once upon a time. I gotta wonder what made that drunken idiot so admirable, a part from protecting him in prison. like frank already kept pepe working for leo - but there was nothing stopping leo from dumping him off somewhere and telling him to fuck off as soon as they got out of the can. maybe leo thought he could help him, which honestly yeah. with how leo wanted to help vito - I can see him wanting to help pepe out and do something to better him.

'or can I add another traumatised man to the list' - honestly, I keep always viewing leo as a untouchable badass, for the most part - but there was most certainly times he must've gotten his ass kicked, especially back in school when he would've weighed about as much as his school bag. this is why I want backstories for so many characters, what the fuck have they gone through? show me one of the most badass characters in the series to me completely broken on the ground in the rain thank you.

but for real for all characters like leo, the strong ones. I need backstory where they have been hurt, where they have cried, the moment where they have realised they're in for the shit. gimme that scene they realise they can't rest and there is no moment where they shouldn't look over their shoulder because they can't risk it. I imagine all of them started off kinda like vito- they were in for the life because they were excited for it, then they got older and witnessed the worst of it all. but they were smart enough to understand how to become accustomed to it, unlike vito. like seriously what did carlo go through when he was younger... what sort of shit did tony balls get himself into when he was little?!?! who the fuck got their face torn a part by a rancid, rabid teenage luca.

[wondereads]

Books I Read in October + Opinions

Ahaha I meant to post this a week ago whoops

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (9/10)

This is the first of many I read for school. Despite being technically forced to read it, I enjoyed this one! The concept is super interesting, and I liked the writing style. The meandering, stream-of-consciousness writing really serves to enforce the tone of the story. However, I will say that it's pretty unsatisfying at the end. I can let it go somewhat because it's kind of the whole point, but it's still frustrating.

Heaven Official's Blessing Vol. 3 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (9/10)

Xie Lian's backstory is absolutely heartwrenching in this volume, and I know we're far from over. I'm loving the slow burn (on Xie Lian's part) so far! The only reason this isn't a 10 is because Xie Lian's past and present each take up about one half of the volume, and they feel a little disjointed as if they're different stories. Still, I appreciated getting back to the present since it's a little more lighthearted. Hua Cheng interacting with any heavenly officials that aren't Xie Lian is hilarious.

Strike the Zither by Joan He (7/10)

I enjoyed this book, I did! I love political and military fantasy, and this book is a combination of the two with a big emphasis on the strategy side of things. I especially like the main character, Zephyr, who was nuanced, complicated, and a great perspective to read from. However, I can't look past the fact that the pacing is all kinds of off. There's just not enough space for this kind of story. There's a huge plot twist halfway through, and it's not paid even half the attention it should. Still, I'll definitely be reading the next book. Check out my full review here!

The Girl With All the Gifts by M. R. Carey (6/10)

This is another book I read for school. It's another take on the zombie apocalypse, a really good one. After all, it's told from the perspective of one of the zombies. It asks interesting questions about what qualifies as humans and what will replace us once we're gone. So then, why did I give it a 6? Because this book is painfully written by a man. Of the five perspectives, the three female ones are perfectly fine. The men, however, won't shut up about masturbation and porn and whatnot. It pulled me out of the story and just grossed me out overall.

Beguiled by Cyla Panin (8/10)

This is actually the first partnership with an author I did! I did a reading vlog with it and everything Still, I can promise you this is my personal, honest opinion. I enjoyed reading this book; a lot of research went into the weaving aspect, and I loved the way the main character used lots of weaving metaphors. I also really like the Irish folklore influences, but I wished there had been more about the world, specifically the political climate. It was slow to start, but we got there! Check out the reading vlog here!

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Vol. 3 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (10/10)

This volume was very backstory heavy, but it still had me giggling and kicking my feet. Look, they are very cute! Yes, there is all sorts of tragedy and horrendous corruption stuff going on. Do I care? Kind of, but not really. There was tons of character development in this volume, and I think it ended on the perfect note for the fourth one.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (5/10)

Yet another book I read for school. This is a childhood classic, but it also means a lot of stuff went over my head. Such as the vitriolic racism and classism, which is present throughout the entire book. I have to say, it really impacted my enjoyment; I couldn't stop thinking about throwaway lines that basically amounted to certain people being inherently better and more civilized than others. I don't think I'll be rereading this one anytime soon.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (10/10)

It is my firm belief that this book is one of the best dystopian novels ever written. It addresses a plethora of issues in a way that is serious but understandable for teenagers. Also, it doesn't fall into the black-and-white worldview that other famous dystopian novels (i.e. 1984) fall into. People from the Districts can be awful and corrupt, and people from the Capitol can grow and be kind. Katniss is a stupendous main character, and the political atmosphere for the future books is perfectly set up. Check out my review here!

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones (10/10)

This is the third time I've read this book in a year and a half, and I still had the time of my life. This time around was a bit more analytical, and I especially noticed a lot of Jones' family life reflected in this story. I love Diana Wynne Jones' writing, and Sophie is one of my favorite protagonists ever. Her no-nonsense attitude is exactly what I love in a heroine, and I love her and Howl's dynamic. The side characters really shine, especially Calcifer, who is a fan favorite for good reasons. Check out my review here!

Shades of Rust and Ruin by A. G. Howard (8/10)

A. G. Howard is one of my favorite authors; I love her writing style, and she does great retellings. I really liked Nix, the main character, and I loved the worldbuilding, which meshed traditional faerie lore and steampunk aesthetic. However, this book is strikingly similar to another book of hers, Splintered. So much so that I was actually waiting for elements to line up with each other (which they often did). It was really entertaining, but I just can't get over that, so it's rating dropped a bit. Check out my review here!

Where the Mountain Meets the Moon by Grace Lin (9/10)

This was a really sweet children's book; I can't believe I've never read it before! It pulls a lot from Chinese mythology and culture in both physical items and creatures and ideological themes. The illustrations are beautiful and clearly inspired by traditional Chinese art. The message is sweet and pushed in a way that will get through to children but doesn't feel like it's being forced down my throat. A lovely book!

The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik (10/10)

I could not have asked for a better conclusion to this series. I was in great distress half the time, but that feels about par for the course while reading The Scholomance. El and Orion's story came to a beautiful close while answering all the questions yet to be answered about the magical world. The message is lovely, one that isn't often told in adult fantasy. It destroyed me, and I am very happy about it. Go read The Scholomance trilogy.

Bonus! November TBR

The theme this month, in honor of NaNoWriMo and my attempt to write a fantasy novel, is classic fantasy (+ some ARCs and overflow from previous TBRs)

Le Morte D'Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory

The Serpent's Shadow by Mercedes Lackey

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. LeGuin

The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen

His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Arrows of the Queen by Mercedes Lackey

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Song of Silver, Flame Like Night by Amelie Wen Zhao

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

Damsel by Evelyn Skye

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsin Muir