#the issue I think is mainly he doesn't have a lot of symptoms

[syxnewt]

my parents want my little brother, who has had a fever no lower than 100 F for the past 2-3 days, to go to school tomorrow

[mysadcorner]

Hello! Just wanted to start by saying thanks for your amazing writing and sharing with all of us! If it’s not too much trouble, could I request headcanons for Jason Todd with a significant other who has chronic pain? Personally I’ve got endometriosis (it’s a rude little thing) and that causes quite bad pain, so I’m being a bit self indulgent here. Thank you very much if you manage to get around to it! ♥️

Jason Todd x ChronicPain!Reader Headcanons

-Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in headcanons -

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I personally suffer from CFS/ME which also comes with frequent pain all across my body (as well as many other symptoms) so it was nice to get a request like this. Thank you! :)

Jason's first reaction to you having chronic pain would be instant sympathy, but he wouldn't want you to think that he feels any less of you. Jason just wants you to know that he wants to help as best as he can while also feeling bad about the situation you're in but can't change.

He would do his best to try to figure out what you need, whether that be lifestyle changes that you may need help with or just simple things that you go through everyday. He doesn't mind helping you out and will be more than happy to provide the things you need once he's figured out what would help you best.

He would also accommodate to you through things in his own life just because he cares about you so much, and he'd never want you to feel bad about these changes as he's doing them willingly. He would even change his schedule around completely for you if you needed it, just so that he can be with you during specific times that your chronic pain may take place, or need help getting places due to the pain causing you issues.

Jason and his family know a lot of people, especially those who are well qualified. Because of this he'll go out of his way to ask around as to what may help you even more, or asking about certain methods that could make things easier for you, and he'd prefer to do this than just listen to your doctor without looking any further for information as even he knows that a single doctor can be dismissive over problems or simply wrong about things a lot of the time.

If your chronic pain was impacting you a lot more than usual he'll take some time or even a few weeks off from his everyday activities so that he can look after you full-time until you're able to do some things on your own again, although he may need to leave during the night so that he can continue protecting Gotham. He doesn't mind doing this and would prefer if you're honest about when you're struggling so that he can make sure you're as well as you can be in the long-term.

If you're ever feeling anxious, or just simply want company, to appointments, then Jason will go with you and will be more than happy to do so. Not only does this make you both feel better about whatever nerves you're having, but seeing how your appointments go gives him a better idea of how your condition works and affects you in depth which then enables him to aid you better or give you reassurance about certain things.

Jason is distraught on the inside when he sees you suffering from your chronic pain, but he'll try his best to not let you see. He'll spend his time trying to look strong for you so that neither of you get emotional about it and you continue to feel supported by him. He will open up to you about how he was feeling in that moment a while later once the pain has decreased (if it does) so that he's still being honest with you but strong in the moments you really need him.

Constantly being stocked up so he can look after you - Jason is constantly checking how stocked up he is on pain medication for you, mainly since he regularly buys some for himself just in case he's ever injured while out as Red Hood. This makes things a lot easier for you since they're always ready to be used and you don't need to worry about not being able to go out and get it for yourself when you're pain is severe. Plus, this makes him calmer knowing that if he's ever not there you have something to minimise the pain by yourself rather than suffering until he's able to help if you feel comfortable letting him.

[tombfreak]

if someone (me) wants to write (or roleplay) a character with Antisocial Personality Disorder, how do you think they should do it? What are questions that can be asked about the character in order to develop or flesh them out more (like, "how does your character act in blah blah situation")? And do you have any books/excerpts/short stories that have a character with ASPD that you can recommend? Your blog and many others' blog really helped me in understanding how ASPD works, which ends up in me being able to develop this character more. However, I'm still not sure how to actually really write in this character's perspective, mainly because I still want to understand the littler details. I really just don't want to accidentally write something that ends up not being true lol IG if it helps, my character w/ ASPD is very apathetic and he believes that showing emotions is weakness, so he always has a poker face.

Holy fuck I completely forgot I had this blog LMAOO My bad. Anyways.

First off, as a writer, I always try to avoid giving my characters any labels of a disorder especially a personality disorder, cuz it feels cheap. Its easy to just throw a label on them and call it a day, but its harder to write them in a way where they would be diagnosed with ASPD yknow?

Like for example, you can say a character has anxiety, and boom, theres a new trait. But are you able to show this in your character without using the word "anxiety"? With ASPD, or any personality disorder, you need to be able to show this characters habits and mindsets and behaviours without having to use the label "ASPD".

I think the best representation of a character with ASPD I have seen in Dr. House from House MD. I was absolutely amazed by how much I could relate and how accurate it was to how I experience, and have seen others act, with ASPD. And the best part is that they don't even say he has ASPD until way later in the show, but that doesn't change a single thing about how he has acted up until that point.

The main thing about cluster B personality disorders is that there is a maladaptive and dysfunctional way of thinking and acting ingrained into this person. And the way they view things and behave actively causes them issues in their relationships, social settings, work, etc. It differs wildly for everyone though, but the one thing that is pretty much the same for everyone with ASPD is that their core fear is being controlled, and they value self-preservation above everything else. It's them against the world, and they are constantly grasping for power, control, and social dominance in order to protect themselves.

So some questions you can ask about your character is:

1. How do they experience empathy and remorse? ASPD is known to be a disregard for others and rules that actively causes issues in their life. In what ways do they disregard others feelings/rights, and do they feel bad about this? If they do feel remorse, what overrides this to make them keep acting in anti-social ways?

2. ASPD is a disorder. It causes a lot of issues in a persons life, especially with the law, authority, and hurting peoples feelings. In what ways does your character suffer from their behaviour and ways they think/view the world?

3. How do they view the world? What do they value the most? What are they willing to do to protect themselves, and how do they respond to perceived threats? ASPD is known for reactive aggression, where they will respond with hostility at a perceived threat (even if there wasn't actually one, they often take ambiguous remarks as hostility)

4. ASPD symptoms must have also been present in childhood (symptoms of conduct disorder shown before the age of 15). What was your character like as a kid? What caused them to act out? Who were the primary influences in their development, and how did that influence who they are today/how they think?

Remember that people with ASPD are often rude, harsh, callous, insensitive, and lack a proper moral code. They may act hostile towards anything that feels like control, especially being told what to do, or having rules to follow, including social norms like morality, political correctness, manners, and empathy. They often look out for themselves before they even think about looking out for others, and they are willing to do anything and put anyone down or manipulate a situation to protect themselves.

People with ASPD are often good at making excuses for themselves and avoid punishment for their actions, or completely disregard consequences and repeat their mistakes over and over again. This is partially due to a mindset of "you can't tell me what to do/you can't control me/fuck you". There is a lot of defiance.

And of course please remember that ASPD is a spectrum, and there are mild to extreme cases, and it presents differently in everyone. The main thing is that it causes distress and dysfunction in the persons relationships and life because of their disregard for rules and others. And that they fear being controlled, and value self-preservation.

And while people with ASPD are usually insensitive assholes (love ya), we also are people. We are human beings, not problems. We are human beings, not pricks. So make sure to write your character with hobbies and interests and redeemable traits and with positive qualities as well. Dont have their entire character written revolving around the idea of ASPD. People are complex, and there is much more to someone than their disordered behaviour/mindsets.

Also what you said about your character being very apathetic, you could tie that in to a lack of care/disregard for others which Im sure you were already planning on doing. But also remember that ASPD isn't just a quiet, apathetic, emotionless robot disorder. In reality, ASPD is pretty loud. Its angry, and destructive, and aggressive. Cluster B PDs are classified as emotionally unstable and erratic, and ASPD is no different. So make sure you remember that while he may not care about others, apathy/lacking empathy isn't a criteria for ASPD (though its heavily correlated). Check out the DSM-5 criteria and make sure your character qualifies. Also, you don't get diagnosed with ASPD just cuz you think antisocial thoughts. You get diagnosed cuz of the way you behave and interact with others/the world, and the problems that causes you. Most people with ASPD will be diagnosed through the legal system. So make sure you show the antisocial tendencies of your character, as I mentioned before with separating them from the label.

I hope this helped a bit, mb for the late ass response LMAO Good luck

[flutterbyfairy]

i have a neurologist appointment in about a month that i'm quite nervous about due to previously being dismissed/not having my concerns listened to, so gonna post this to ask for some advice on getting Taken Seriously or if anyone knows things about the type of condition i might have about what i should be asking them to do/test.

might be quite long so putting it under a read more, and tw for medical stuff and doctors being dismissive. also i am So So Tired and therefore not able to think very clearly so apologies if i've messed up any of the medical info about conditions i mention and apologise just generally for the rambliness of my writing.

summary of why i'm going:

bunch of disabling symptoms that have continually progressed over the past 5+ years, including: muscle weakness, fatigue, muscle twitches/small spasms, nerve pain, blurry vision, lack of coordination (have this from autism, however has gotten significantly worse recently so might also be related to neuro stuff). first symptoms were difficulty having my arms over my head (like having to take multiple breaks while putting my hair into a ponytail because i couldn't hold my arms over my head for the like.. three minutes to do a ponytail) and blurry vision (that optometrist has said seems like might be due to a systemic disease because of how variable it is) since i was 13, which was seven years ago. i started getting more impairing symptoms when i was 15, and began needing a wheelchair for anything that required standing or walking for more than 10 - 15 minutes. i'm currently 20 and need my wheelchair whenever i leave the house, i can't leave the house or do things around the house often, i can stand for a max of like four minutes and can't hold my hands above my head for more than like 30 seconds to one minute. pretty much all my symptoms get a lot worse with any exertion.

GP thinks i have myasthenia gravis, but the test for acetylcholine receptor antibodies was negative and he doesn't have the ability to do other tests.

the neurologist has already said he thinks i have functional neurological disorder and that i should do CBT and pysio to improve my functioning (i already know CBT is horrible for me, i'm in other therapy which is good, i've done some psyio before but she just taught me some stretches and that was it, more psyio could be good but it'd have to be with someone who isn't trying to do a graded exercise therapy type thing since i get PEM). he has mentioned doing a spine MRI but this hasn't been done yet. he said he doesn't want to do further testing for myasthenia gravis but i will probably try to get him to agree to doing a repetitive nerve stimulation EMG or something.

i also have scapular winging on the side of my body with worse muscular symptoms which has also caused a lot of nerve pain, and i might also have some sort of spine issues (straightening of cervical lordosis was seen on a CT scan, they said it was probably due to muscle spasms, and i get a lot of neck pain which might be due to that? as well as a ton of back pain along my spine. might have CCI but haven't been tested yet). since it seems like i'm getting some structural changes in areas where i also get a lot of the pain and weakness and spasms i'm hoping if i bring that up the neurologist might maybe look more at organic causes + the state of those structural changes but i dunno.

he did a basic neurological exam in my initial appointment with him and said that i have give way weakness/waxing and waning weakness because when he got me to do the pushing my limbs against resistance i could do okay for a couple seconds but couldn't maintain it. he also said in the letter that i had positive hoovers sign however i am.. very confused by this because from my understanding hoovers sign is mainly looked at when someone has one limb that's at least somewhat "normal" and one that either can't be moved or is very weak, and then the person can't move the weak leg but when asked to push the stronger leg against resistance they push the weak leg down. both my legs are strong enough that i can stand and whilst one leg is a bit weaker they're relatively similar. i lifted and pushed against resistance with both legs so.... i am not sure how hoovers is applicable here? does anyone know why it was applied and if that was correct or if i should be challenging that? he's saying that the give way weakness and positive hoovers are indicators that the problem is "non-organic" and therefore should be treated with CBT and pysio.

i'm not sure what i think is actually going on. i think myasthenia gravis might make sense, but also so could other neuromuscular diseases like a mitochondrial disease or something. also very possible it's myalgic encephalomyelitis (aka chronic fatigue syndrome) but obviously that one is a diagnosis of exclusion so i want to rule other things out if possible. i want to know what's going on so i can have the best chance of being as well as is possible for me. i know CBT is not right for me and whilst some type of pysio could help a bit/prevent some decline (based on past experience i know it won't Cure Me but obviously it can help a bit to build some muscle or maintain range of motion and things like that which are important) if there's other things i can do on top of that i want to.

i've tried to do research to work out the best tests to ask for and i think EMG might be good but also know a normal EMG doesn't typically pick up myasthenia gravis so it needs to also have repetitive nerve stimulation i think?

i can't see a different neurologist at least not anytime soon, so i need to get this neurologist to do as much to help as possible. a social worker from where i get therapy is coming to the appointment to help me so that should be good but i need to work out what the best way to advocate for myself is and what tests are going to be the most useful to ask for.

if anyone has any advice for getting doctors to take you seriously or for any tests i should be advocating for or conditions i should be looking into or anything i would really appreciate it <3 (emoticon description: heart)

[theamazingdigitalmusings]

TADC and The Nature of Escapism

Something that immediately resonated with me about the first episode of TADC was Pomni's unfortunate situation. She's trapped in a place against her will, forced into a body that isn't her own, and surrounded by people she doesn't trust, all without any chances for escape in sight. The ending scene where she's forced to accept that this is what her life will be for god knows how long while the others just talk and are oblivious to her internal terror struck such a cord with me. There's been so many times where I've had to swallow down my feelings of dread and discomfort with my current life with no one noticing. That horrible feeling of "oh god....I'm really gonna have to live with this, aren't I?" is so familiar to me and it was portrayed so well through the visuals and especially the music.

In general, that's probably why my brain latched so hard onto the pilot. That desperation to escape, the feeling of being trapped in a world that wasn't made for you, your discontent being casually brushed off by others, and having no choice but to accept it all in the end. That alone was enough for me to love this show (even with only one episode out at the time), but episode two is where everything really clicked and sent my fascination into overdrive. If the pilot was about feeling trapped in undesirable situation, than episode 2 (and the rest of the series, I'm assuming) is about how we try to cope with it.

"Why not try to find a way to leave?"

"Well, we usually do....when we first arrive, but....after a while you start to realize that you really can't leave and constantly chasing an unobtainable goal will start driving you a bit crazy, and eventually you get to asking what the point of anything is and you completely lose of who you are and why you're even alive and....when you reach your breaking point something really terrible can happen."

It's established early on that Caine's adventures are his well-intended method of distraction for the circus members. Since they can't escape the game, the little tasks he gives them are what keeps them from thinking too deeply about their circumstances and keeps them sane. To me, this feels like a clear metaphor for escapism and clinging onto small, fleeting moments of joy as a coping mechanism. Avoiding contemplating or focusing too hard about either your life, existence, or personal issues is what many people do, mainly due to the devastation it can bring. For those who are mentally or emotionally vulnerable, it can even bring out symptoms of mental illness and suicidal tendencies (which I believe abstraction is an allegory for), so many prefer the safe comfort of lighthearted distractions. What's worse is that I think Caine's adventures have kept the circus members from thinking about their "personal traumas" (the main focus of the show) and have seriously stunted their personal growth. I find all this extremely fitting, considering the digital circus is a video game accessed through a headset. Video games (especially VR ones) are an immensely popular method of escapism and are used by a LOT of people as distractions from an unpleasant life.

All of the circus members have grown accustomed to this routine and neither question or push against it. The only exception is Pomni, due to her being a newcomer, and its her questioning attitude that isolates her and puts her at odds with the others. Her anxiety and reluctance to play along is never sympathized with, which makes her feel alone and is likely responsible for why she feels like no one has her back at the beginning of episode 2. The only person she has somewhat of a connection with is Ragatha and even then, she struggles to show open empathy for how Pomni's feeling. Instead, she tries to push positivity onto her by trying to hype her up for the adventure. Although she means well, a distraction is the last thing Pomni needs. More than anything, she needs emotional validation.

Luckily, Pomni DOES find emotional validation through Gummigoo.

Gummigoo is the first person to openly mirror how Pomni feels since she's arrived. She relates to his feelings of "being nothing" and how the game has robbed them of all purpose or importance and through talking to him about it, she's able to sort some of her own feelings out. Trying to bring Gummigoo back to the circus might've been all for naught, but their interaction was integral for Pomni realizing she's not alone and that others around really do understand her pain.

All of this leads me to believe that the show is about retreating into escapism and why you need to deal with your issues head on. It's possible that when the circus members were human, they indulged in the digital circus (or video games in general) as a way to escape reality and run from themselves. Escapism can only work for so long, as your emotions and reality is guaranteed to catch up with you in the end. The only truly effective way to deal with your problems is to be open about and find emotional solace, which I believe will be symbolized by Caine's adventures being interrupted by deep character drama in future episodes.

[dredshirtroberts]

Everyone in here is already in the phone tree for when we go kill my parents, right? (for legal reasons this is a joke)

echocardiogram provided a few revelations for me. Well... it provided one, but then there followed several stemming from that one so you know. six a one, half a dozen a the other, etc.etc.etc.

I need to schedule to see the cardiologist for real this time (so far it's just been cardiology-related tests and therefore mainly techs and nurses i've dealt with there), because they found an Anomaly in my heart wall that allowed a little of the red color to go where only blue color was supposed to go, and also that anomaly was really the only physical thing they could see, which doesn't explain the tachycardia symptoms i'm also having. This is a very fun ride to be on, in case you're curious, by the way (sarcastic).

There are better tests with which to diagnose whatever the anomaly was, but one of the things we floated around was a possible hole allowing blood to go where it wasn't supposed to go yet. Because i have brain beasts that get feisty when I don't know information about medical stuff, I finally decided to look up potential causes for holes in the heart, or other wall-related weaknesses.

Almost all heart-holes are there from birth. the symptoms for children match up really scarily well with my childhood (and also for my today me).

The symptoms also match things my mother would frequently complain about. And her father - who i was at one point told had a heart murmur? but i cannot confirm this at this time, and i keep forgetting when I'm on the phone with him and grandma to check if that was a real thing i'm remembering or if i've cross-remembered onto him from someone else.

Did you know if you already have a congenital heart defect or a family history of them, your child is likely to have one too?

Did you know this makes me furious because I've spent my life hiding my shortness of breath because I was told the only reason i'd breathe like that after small bouts of exertion would be because i was out of shape or fat. yes. even while i was running half marathons, and swimming, and tap dancing, all at the same time. yes even as a child who - i've gone back and seen pictures of me as a kid - was not a large child. (and if I had been, that still would not have warranted the teasing and scolding i would get about eating too quickly and breathing so hard, or exertion, or about a million other things related to me feeling poorly and unable to control it - fat is not a bad thing to be and doesn't mean you deserve poor treatment, and it does not mean that you don't deserve care and it doesn't make you a bad person, and none of us deserved that).

I've made bad health decisions. I've done shit to my body that is 100% my fault. I've done shit in my *life* that was bad for me and 100% my fault.

I know when to take blame for shit that's my fault. I also am VERY good at taking blame for things that are in no way my fault nor do i have any control over them whatsoever.

I'm getting slowly better at finally placing blame where it belongs when necessary. Not getting care as a child was not my fault, and I am not to blame for the issues caused because of that. My parents are. Specifically my mother because she was the primary parent who was stay-at-home and also shared the symptoms i have the biggest problem with now. I mean I know it's hate on my mom week but like. I was not expecting to have a whole new reason to be upset with her like this.

My dad's an ass, and he sucks for a lot of reasons but he wasn't home a lot when i was a kid and he was very much Working when he was home more later. It's an explanation not an excuse - he should have still noticed shit. but i get why he didn't.

I think i'm hella fucking lucky the strep throat+cold combo i had for like 3 weeks in fifth grade that the doctors initially thought might have been mono didn't kill me. I think i'm fucking *amazing* for having done as much physical activity as i did for as long as I was able to keep up with it considering i was not allowed to "slack off" because no one believed I was experiencing the symptoms i was having.

I think i'm a goddamn warrior for getting to the point where i could actually take care of myself and frankly i think i'm doing a hell of a lot better physically than i could be considering all of the contributing factors to how i feel most days.

I am surrounded by love and affection and it's more than i can bear sometimes, especially looking back at how alone I used to be. I pick that smaller me up in my arms. I hold her and I tell her it's going to be okay.

And then I sit down because i should not be holding anything larger than a cat for anything longer than a couple seconds or my heart goes nuts.

[probablydinosaurs]

this was originally a twitter thread but mehhhh. the audience of one-two here get my insane venting instead. its 3am. I've had a rough day and I just want to list it out from worst to least worst. sorry if this is venting. again 3am. 1: my sister showed up completely unannounced, and waltzed in a fight with my other sister and her husband at their place. she had good reason to be here (she's homeless and is a fuckin ice age here. that's not a problem. we are glad she went to us for help.)-sadly she's an entitled fuck who begged my dad for cigs when we have NOTHING BUT A ROOF to give. its SCARY how poor we are. She was also VERY TRANSPHOBIC, which was not on my sister's bingo card this year. mainly about trans woman and their "complaining". my already shit sister saying terf shit was not smth i thought id hear. i was very upset about that. i haven't talked to her bc ik if i do, il cry but I've been giving her the silent treatment unless it's akward. 2: i have covid. had symptoms since like the 13th (i joked that i got it for my birthday) and its been a nightmare. i can't sleep. Eating sucks. my nose hurts. i think i blew a blood vessel in my eye. its just been the worst. 3: due to being unable to sleep, im wildly manic at 3am. i have nothing to do and no one to talk to. and im unreasonably upset that people on tiktok think Spongebob is a kid. like boi your face screams "post movie" pleaaasseee educate yourself on cartoon history. he is an adult! 4: after ALLL of this like 7 mins ago, the fire alarm randomly beeped a few times. luckily not a lot but still. stressed me the FUCK OUT. nothing is on. i think bc its the FUCKIN ICE AGE OUTSIDE, the apartment is a TAD too warm (witch its not. my feet are frozen)

5: found out today that scientists didn't start using real menstrual blood on pads/tampons till AUGUST OF LAST YEAR??? WTF WERE U USING BEFORE? That's why pads are always off SOMEHOW. SOMEHOW there's an issue. and tampons never fit right. they have been fuckin guessin for decades 6: my new cat is a needy hoe. I'm used to it but with covid and barely being able to walk/exist, her sweving between my legs is a nightmare. I always have to throw a bottle cap down the hallway just so she doesn't get in my room. 7: been on upsetting media tiktok. why the fuck is there a fandom forming around a vent cartoon about S/A???? like I won't say its bad but that's not a FANDOM THING! yall are fucked up (also it parodies the peewee's playhouse op and that bugs me. i love peewee.)

interlude: my needy hoe of a cat is named peewee (well to my mom, it's now Princess Pipsqueak but thats not a good name to say in frustration as I'm trying to exist down the hallway. also, we thought she was a boi at first and she has a face that looks like paul Reubens's. I still see it. 8: I have used up all the TP and tissues in the house and have been using paper towels to blow my nose, which is roughing up my already red sore nose. I put gold bond on my nose and it BURNED but now it feels smoother. 9: i feel like i annoy people with my Hannibal hyperfixation. i have yet to truly let it spread here but it's EVERYWHERE ELSE. (and il probs reblog this onto my hannibal blog so hiiiii) and yet it feels like no one cares. ik it's a bit niche, upsetting not everyones thing but Ive NEVER loved smth more and it hurts when i don't talk about it I just. want to get someone into it. someone else got me into it and it means a lot. I hope they are doing ok. I'm grateful they gave me my favorite hyperfixation ever. I've littrally never loved anything more. and I've been into a LOT of stuff. i was called annoying by an ex friend because i got into things too much. and to them, "too much" was anything that wasn't "i like this thing. i think this thing is good and cool. lets rp weird incest about it." (i hate my teen years) but like. that ex friend would HAAAAATE by hyperfixatiing now. i have friends to ENABLE ME NOW. 10: just added this one. kinda put two and two together that corp vtubers birthdays most likely aren't their real birthdays. everyone is celebrating a graduated corps bday and yet they moved to another company and like. no birthday in sight. and it feels weird to latch onto their old persona's bday when they are right there with probs a new (and more real maybe) birthday. you can actually go celebrate with them whenever their "new" birthday is and yet you are clinging to the past. especially since they are THRIVING where they are rn and were not happy as a bigger corp.

thats a bout it. thanks if u saw this and read. its ok if you didnt. i just had a LOT go on lately.

[ghostryders]

I just want to talk about what we know about what life is like for human biotics! I am aware that this reads as if I was talking to myself in a hypomanic episode. this is because I was.

We get a lot of interesting info from Kaidan, who was exposed in utero in flight 714 incident at singapore int'l spaceport on april 8 of 2151. He was fitted with an L2 implant at 17 (2168). If Shep is biotic, they were exposed in utero (2153-54) + at age 14; They were fitted with an L3 implant at age 17. which by the way literally how bc they were a minor at the time and there was no official biotics program at the time since BaAT was shut down, plus it was before Grissom Academy. ROTC type program maybe?

ANYWAY We know that biotics just tend to be more... static-y(?) in general. They tend to get small shocks from touching metal objects. Kaidan actually has a little throwaway line that his hair stands up a little on its own so he doesn't need to style it. the mass relay statue on the presidium makes his teeth feel funny and he hears a low humming sound, maybe this can be felt around eezo or large quantities of electricity in general?

On the day to day, it's really important for biotics to keep their amp ports clean, kinda like any medical port we have today. Due to their metabolism burning through calories to provide energy for biotics, they may have what could be considered symptoms of hypermetabolic disorders. Gaining and maintaning weight may be challenging, they're probably prone to anemia, and often feel hot/sweaty.

Typically there are only a few biotics in a unit. This is likely due to the expenses related to them. They need more food, amps, medical observation, and armor that is protective yet flexible enough for them to perform their physical mnemonics. Ironically though, they work best in groups where they can synchronize their abilities.

As we know, there tends to be prejudice and ostracization from other humans. There was even one instance where a biotic was attacked and killed by mob who was scared of them. There's a lot of misinformation about what they are capable of and fear from the general public, including organizations refusing to pay reparations to biotics they abused in their research. This is sort of the origin of biotic extremist groups.

I wonder if they face these issues in the Alliance. Of course publically, the alliance welcomes them and offers them huge enlistment incentives. and they aren't locked out of careers, their options of where they are accepted is mainly limited to the military. It's totally possible that on the day to day, alliance officers and crew distrust them.

i imagine that since biotics basically fire up your nervous system, it can make you feel overwhelmed or anxious, which is probably the source of psychological distressed that many L2's developed. It's also known that biotics kinda like glow during sex. By that logic I’d think biotics can also flare up with strong emotions or physical pain.

Government registration is necessary if the mission involving major kyle and chairman burns goes sour. Though I'd always imagine this is something the government would want to keep track of anyway for census, public health, and military recruitment reasons.

not 100% sure on some sources but hit post send anyway

[judgementdaysunshine]

Hi, if you don't mind and they're still open could I please have a LOTR and The Hobbit matchup? 🥺👉👈

I'm fine with either a male or female ship, though I think it's important to note that I'm Asexual. I'm an autistic adult who also has arthritis, scoliosis, asthma and a bunch of other symptoms like feeling faintish too.

I tend to cover up a lot clothing-wise because I sunburn easily, but that doesn't mean I don't like myself. I'm actually pretty confident, or at least don't feel the need to change myself for others. I'm also a huge nerd who enjoys nonfiction books and informational videos, especially on subjects like archaeology, science, botany, paleontology, witchcraft and history. I can infodump about just about anything, and I know tons of trivia, especially about those subjects and my favorite authors. I'm also learning how to sew and crochet, and I write a LOT. I have an ongoing journal that I've kept for years now.

My style can be best described as "Cottagecore Ms Frizzle" tbh. It's also very important to note that I'm 4' 10" because of a disability that stunted my growth. If you're not American that's about 147 cm so yeah, very tiny. I also have glasses and very long wavy brown hair.

I'm very sweet and I try to be friendly to everyone. I can also be a little sensitive at times, but I'm also very wise and I give good advice. I often write about very deep issues and I can think very big picture, but I also appreciate small things in life. I think you can find beauty everywhere if you really look for it. Though I can also be stubborn and once my boundaries are crossed I don't forgive easily, I will admit. I love caring for people though and if someone is sad, I'll often ask if I could get them anything (mainly tea because I love tea) or rub their back to comfort them. Focusing on little things and helping people is what keeps me going in a world that is constantly wracked with disaster tbh.

Thanks so so much, I hope you have a great day hun! Take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

Absolutely take care of yourself babe! 🥰

First I ship you with Galadriel! 💜

She makes tea every time you are in Rivendell always making it herself and making sure it is always the way you liked it

She loves watching you write and reads it after never taking the sweet smile off of her face every time she reads the things you write

She doesn't mind that you are shorter than her nor the fact of you having a disability doing research on what you have and what it does to you

She always checks your glasses when you leave them next to her when you shower or fall asleep cleaning them if they are dirty and replacing them if they are damaged somehow

She loves that you always try to give the best advice to anyone in need of it whether they are going through a rough patch or unsure of something

She always listens and enjoys your info dumps no matter what it is or how long your talks are she is always happy to listen

She always reminds you to take care of yourself from taking your meds, drinking more water, eating when you haven't eaten in awhile, or to sleep when you're clearly exhausted

Finally I ship you with The bard

He likes hearing you info dump whether it's about something you like, how your day was going or went, what you and the kids did or were going to do, or just anything at all making him smile

He repairs your glasses if they get broke making sure to always replace the glass if need be necessary and to tighten the sides as well

He always makes sure to remind you to drink water especially when you're sick, to eat food when he knows you haven't eaten in a while, to sleep even when you haven't been sleeping well, and to take your meds on time even when you're dealing with things around you

He loves seeing you give advice to others when they're in a situation especially when needed and even giving advice about bullying and growing up to the kids helping them making him love you even more

He never minds that you have a disability and that you're shorter than him because of it and doesn't mind helping you when you need help with getting things

He always loves reading what you write even having a few he will have copied or write down to keep somewhere

He makes tea for you every day always trying different flavors and ways to make it and keeps track of whether you like it or not

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

A Brief And Concise Summary Of Is Wrong With The ACOTAR Series

I think we can agree that a lot of ACOTAR is pretty iffy. Consider this a very brief refresher.

What's Wrong With Feyre/Rhysand (juxtaposed against Feyre/Tamlin)

Rhysand drugs and sexually assaults her in Book 1

This is "for her own good". Because he "has no choice". Despite the fact that, from what we know of the plot, Amarantha thinks that Clare Beddor was the one Rhysand was diddling, and is only interested in Feyre because Rhysand, "her" man male, has taken an interest in her.

If we extrapolate from this we can figure that Rhysand is the one directly putting her into danger.

Now, let's be clear: drugging someone is bad. Sexually assaulting someone is bad. One could argue there were extenuating circumstances. But if, in such a situation, what your mind goes to is "I know, I should assault this person... for their safety" I have questions about your moral qualities. There were a million things he could have done. He could have done whatever he did to Clare - that is, remove her ability to feel any pain - easily. He could have helped her escape. Under The Mountain, he - while still there unwillingly - has a lot of power, as Amarantha's side piece. Maybe this would have resulted in him being punished- however, he is hundreds of years old and a badass motherfucker, and she is a nineteen year old human girl.

Now, onto Tamlin. Obviously not a lot of people really ship F/T anymore after ACOMAF, because compared to F/R, it's boring. I read another person's post about it, which was very enlightening: they said that Feyre's personality is essentially a mirror. When she is with Rhysand, she's snarky and malicious- because she is "bouncing off" his energy. When she's with Mor she's super feminist and "in awe of her strength". On the other hand, Tamlin is kind of an empty character. He's a pretty boy with anger issues, which should be more interesting than it is. SJM manages to make him bland. Because Feyre has nothing to bounce off of, (a lot of this is from the person's post), she and Tamlin together is mainly just him introducing her to his world.

What Tamlin Does: prevents a skinny twenty year old from going on dangerous missions with him and combat-trained soldiers, accidentally blows up a room with her in it, and, at the end, prevents her from leaving the house.

This is not a Tamlin apologist post. Obviously it was really fucking gross of him to do that, and their relationship was toxic. However, a lot of his abuse stems from their inability to communicate, as well as own negligence. He does not knowingly and purposefully sexually assault her or rape her mind. And tbh, leaving a girl without combat training at home while he goes on missions with a bunch of muscled sentries is... kind of reasonable?

Again: not a Tamlin apologist post. It was abuse. However, if Rhysand is "allowed" to sexually assault, mind-rape, and drug Feyre "for her own safety", why is Tamlin demonized for preventing her from leaving his mansion "for her own safety"?

Another pertinent point: Rhys is never punished for sexually assaulting her. It is brushed off as part of his "mask" or that his hand was forced. Jesus Christ my dudes, his hand was not forced under her skirt. If he has to maintain his gross rapist abuser tyrant oppressor mask... why? Who did that benefit beside him? None of his actions remotely helped Prythian. They were done solely for his buddies - five people safe in a rich hidden city - and no one else, which is explicitly stated.

Finally, the power dynamic is fucked up. Feyre is less than twenty five years old. Rhysand is 500. There is a tendency in fantasy romance to romanticize a centuries year old man with a young girl, because the man does not show symptoms of age, and so it is easily ignorable. However, can we just briefly acknowledge how fucked up it is? Rhys is over five times older than Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and other known predators/abusers. She is twenty. That is really fucking gross. She is in a vulnerable position and he takes rampant advantage of that.

If he had wrinkles, liver problems, and erectile dysfunction, more people would acknowledge it.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying writing a book with an uneven power dynamic is automatically bad. For example, in The Locked Tomb series, which is in my opinion THE BEST FANTASY SERIES THAT HAS GRACED THIS EARTH (lol i'm starting fires), one main character Harrowhark Nonagesimus is in a position of power over Gideon Nav, the other main character. However, this is not glossed over or romanticized. Gideon resents Harrow for this- there is a relationship of mutual antagonism, fraught with unwilling familiarity and intimacy from growing up together. They are roughly the same age. While there is a certain power dynamic (in that world, there is a dynamic of necromancer and cavalier, i.e. sorcerer and sword) the "empowered" character (Harrow) emphatically respects her and does not abuse this power, although both would of course deny this, and she does make a show of threatening and being aloof. In short, while Gideon obeys her, Gideon also has power over Harrow, and the idea of what is essentially slavery is not romanticized.

Feyre Doesn't Face Any Consequences For Her Own Actions

Let me present a radical notion: a guy preventing you from leaving his house does not justify completely fucking ruining his country and harming the people inside it.

In other words: Tamlin does not deserve what she did to him.

I know that sounds iffy. We're conditioned to think that if someone is an abuser, then they are the scum of the earth, they deserve to die, torturing/murdering/doing anything to them is completely A-OK. However, here's another radical notion: someone harming you does not justify you doing worse.

Obviously, the effects of psychological abuse can cause you to hurt other people (see: Nesta), but Feyre deliberately and maliciously (oh, God, that insufferable POV of her in Spring Court; she reads like a cartoonish Disney villain) dismantles his country. She uses sexual manipulation (Lucien), torture (causing the sentry to be whipped), and mind-rape (who didn't she do this to? lol).

A summary of the entire first half of ACOWAR: "It smelled like roses. I hated roses. For this capital offense against my olfactory system, Tamlin and the entire Spring Court deserved to burn in hell. I knew exactly what I was doing. I smiled at him sweetly: no longer a doe, but a wolf. He didn't see my fangs.............." *aesthetic noises*

Man. I'm starting to think SJM had a horrible experience at a Bath & Body Works and took it out on the rest of us. Don't do it, Sarah!! I know Pink Chiffon and Triple Berry Martini are way too strong, but don't take it out on an innocent population!!

She steals from Summer Court (there are, yk, other solutions to theft. Like maybe asking politely) and ruins Spring Court. Her boyfriend - yeesh sorry, MATE - does nothing while a dozen Winter Court children are murdered.

Now: moral ambiguity is not automatically bad. Again using The Locked Tomb as an example, in the second book (spoiler alert), Harrowhark has a sort of moral ambiguity. She was raised from the beginning to worship the King Undying as God, and so she obeys him without question. Because of this, she commits a lot of crimes in His name: she "flips" - i.e. kills - the life force of planets, and she plots murder (albeit the murder of someone who tried to kill her first). There is no attempt to justify this. There is also no attempt to paint her as a virtuous and yet also badass Madonna figure. She is desperate, plagued with the "wreck of herself", and the book clearly displays her moral pitfalls. While her POV is of course colored by her mindset, it also is limited by her lack of information, and we as readers can acknowledge that.

BACK TO ACOTAR: Feyre is seen by everyone as gorgeous, formidable, and essentially perfect. Rhys sees her as flawless, "made for him", wonderful, beautiful, blah blah blah. (THEY ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER; THEY EXCUSE AND GLORIFY EACH OTHER'S CRIMES, IT'S SO BAD, GUYYYS). Tamlin is insanely batshit in love with her, or whatever. To the Night Court she's the High Lady. In this way she personifies the Mary Sue character. (Excerpt from the TV Tropes page on Mary Sues: "She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing. She has an unusual and dramatic Back Story. The canon protagonists are all overwhelmed with admiration for her beauty, wit, courage and other virtues, and are quick to adopt her as one of their True Companions, even characters who are usually antisocial and untrusting; if any character doesn't love her, that character gets an extremely unsympathetic portrayal." Sound familiar?)

There is the Ourobous scene. And yet, paradoxically, while presented as an acknowledgment of her flaws, it is in fact a rejection of them. She sees her own brutality... and instead of recognizing that she has these deep, deep moral flaws and realizing that she needs to grow and be better, she in fact "accepts" them.

Guys: Self love means: "I'm important to me, so I'm going to get a massage today after work", or "heck, why not splurge on some expensive lotion, you only live once" or "you know what? I had a tough day today. I'm going to get that strawberry cupcake". SELF LOVE DOES NOT MEAN "oh, I accept all the war crimes I have done, I love myself". LOVING YOURSELF DOES NOT MEAN ABSOLVING YOURSELF OF ALL WRONGDOING.

It's this refusal to acknowledge wrongdoing that is so grating about ACOTAR. It's so goddamn one-sided. And you can tell that after Book 1, SJM decided to completely change the trajectory simply because of how jarring Book 2 reads compared to the first one.

Also: Feyre is a very, very young girl (compared to the other ruling fey) who did not know how to read for the majority of her life. She has no experience whatsoever in politics. Her being High Lady is not a win for feminism.

Rhysand: He Sucks

First, he is 500 years old. He should be written as such, not as some 20 year old virile frat boy feminist. Fantasy is all the more compelling for its elements of realism, which is a concept that SJM does not appear to grasp.

Second of all, his morals are absurd. He is written as the Second Coming of Christ, as someone who can do no wrong, ever, and his flaws only serve to make Feyre love him more. Anything shitty he does is written as part of his "mask" and she can See Beneath It and knows that it "hurts" him to maintain this "mask".

Fellas, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAINTAIN THIS MASK???? There is no reason for it. If A) he does not give a shit about Court of Nightmares (we'll get back to that), only about Velaris, and B) Velaris is hidden/protected from the world, what is he pretending for?

It would not hurt him politically to be seen as someone who cares about his country.

"Pretending" to be "Amarantha's whore" does not in any way shape or form benefit the macro-world that is Prythian. In Amarantha's name, he commits atrocities. He commits war crimes; he systemically oppresses entire societies. It doesn't even really benefit Velaris, because Velaris is already hidden.

Let me put this in a real-world perspective. This would be like if Donald Trump was suddenly like: "I know I was a shitty president but IT WAS ALL PART OF MY MASK, WHICH WAS TO PROTECT THIS MICROCOSM OF PRIVILEGED PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT". Like: okay? Sorry, or whatever, but I don't actually give a shit. What about the parents of the children who died? What about Clare Beddor? What about the people who were held in slavery, murdered, tortured?

Rhysand: omg it sucks that my cousin Mor was oppressed by this toxic misogynistic culture from the Court of Nightmares.

Also Rhysand: lol whatever, who gives a shit about Court of Nightmares. They all suck. They meanie. Lol what did you say? That there might be other girls just like Mor who are oppressed by this system? Lol whatever. I can't do anything, I gotta maintain my Mask. I gotta sit on this throne and show the entire Court that not respecting women is completely okay.

In summary: by parading Feyre around as his "whore" (!!) he demonstrates by example that it is completely okay for the Court of Nightmares to abuse their women.

A good ruler cares about all his people. Rhysand cares about a tiny tiny fraction of his people: those who were fortunate enough to be born into Velaris.

God, I'm exhausted. Onto Nesta:

The only character who successfully breaks the Mary Sue effect Feyre exerts on her people is Nesta. Her POV for the first half is a joy to read.

Obviously it sucks that Nesta was a huge bitch to Feyre for the beginning of her childhood. However, it was wrong for Rhysand to threaten her- he is a man male with a huge insane amount of power, and it is not okay for him to threaten to bring the brunt of it down on a young girl because she was a bitch to his girlfriend.

I've seen a lot of discourse on the morality of F/R sending her out of Velaris. Here is my two cents:

It was okay for them to cut her off of their money. If they don't want to enable her self-harm, that is their choice. Again, it's their money, even if it wasn't fairly earned (Rhysand born into an enormous fortune).

It was not okay for them to banish her from Velaris with the implication that she was an embarrassment. Let me explain.

If Rhysand and Feyre are talking to her as sister/brother-in-law, then that is that. They have the complete right to express disapproval and try to help. However, they should not be using their royal privilege against her.

If they are talking to her as ruler to subject, then they have the power to banish her from the city. However, a ruler would not give a shit about a random subject getting drunk and having sex. So, they should not be talking her about her problems as a ruler to subject.

I've heard it compared to her being sent to rehab. However, rehab is a system designed to help people with certain problems. It has specialized medical centers and involves therapy. Nesta gets her life threatened multiple times. It is not rehab.

In summary: why did SJM inflict this upon us. Throne of Glass was actually good! GAHHH! After the first few books she completely whipped around and introduced the idea of males and mates and fey and that C is actually A and the quality took a huge nosedive. Sigh.

Final horrible but unmistakable truth: The entire ACOTAR series reads like a bad A/B/O fic. I hate to say it but it's true. We're lucky there were no heat cycles. OH WAIT

[justanothersyscourse]

I don’t really want a diagnosis because I physically can’t have children and I want to be able to adopt in the future. I’m also trans + autistic so I’ve already got some stuff working against me in that department.

I haven’t brought up being a system to my therapist because I’m afraid she won’t believe me, and it’s mainly the trauma symptoms causing problems and not the presence of alters. (Also I don’t think she has a lot of experience with dissociative disorders?)

I guess I just . . . want to know if this is ok? If I should talk to her about it or just try to forget about it all and try to ignore that I’m probably a system? Idk I’m afraid to open up about it and then be told that I’m just making it up or something. I’m open to the possibility that I’m not actually a system and I have something Else going on, but we’ve already ruled out BPD so idk what else it would be. Like, if there was something else happening that made sense I’d accept it, but I’m afraid it’ll just be completely dismissed and I’ll be even more confused.

Idk srry I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and ask someone who has more experience with all this about if it’s ok to be where I’m at or if I should do something different.

A is for placeholder

B is for my infinite frustration

C is for FCK U TUMBLR, STOP CUTTING OFF MY FIRST TWO LINES

Hi, Anon!

There's a lot happening in this ask, so let's take it point by point.

It's absolutely, perfectly fine to not want a diagnosis. Period. Full stop. There are MANY reasons someone might not want one, and they're all valid-- EXCEPT FOR ABLEISM. Not wanting a diagnosis because "ew, gross", is bad. Just based on the last handful of posts I've made today, I just want to say, so long as you realize you CAN have one, do whatever works for you. Don't think you won't get it, and on the opposite end, don't think you NEED one.

Self DX is also super valid when it's well researched, and the person self-diagnosing is open to change when presented with new information or new perspectives (which it sounds like you are, so A+ for you, gold star). If you feel it fits your experiences, have at it, you're welcome here.

Another big thing that's misunderstood about the dyfunction criteria is that it doesn't need to be the alters causing you problems. Like, AT ALL. It can be the PTSD, the amnesia, the comorbid issues, the identity confusion-- ANYTHING. The DSM doesn't mention AT ALL that the alters specifically cause dysfunction. Instead, it talks about trauma memories, embarrassment over symptoms, anxiety from trying to hide symptoms. It can literally. Be. Anything.

On a plus note, if you are actually only experiencing issues with trauma memories, then you don't necessarily need a therapist that's specialized in anything other than PTSD. I've said this before, when you're looking for a therapist, look for one who specializes in the problem you're CURRENTLY having. Might it be helpful to bring up your system to your therapist? Definitely, if your system isn't integrated and still experiencing amnesia, your alters won't all benefit from the therapy sessions. In that case, it might be helpful to mention it. If that's not an issue, or the issue is with YOU specifically, then you don't necessarily need to tell your therapist if you're not comfortable doing so.

Don't "ignore" that you're a system, just be mindful of to who and when you want to present that information. Here's an example-- I moved cities a few years ago and never took my file with me. That means my current GP doesn't know I'm a system. I also don't plan to tell him unless I need to make any major changes to my medication. I go to him when I'm hurt or sick, not for mental stuff, so he doesn't need to know. That's okay. My system doesn't necessarily affect my broken leg. My meds, on the other hand, may have a negative effect on my system that he might need to be aware about. I don't know, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. And that's a decision I made about that doctor specifically. I might, for WHATEVER reason, choose to tell my... I don't know... gynecologist about my system. You tell who you want, when you want.

I can't tell you whether you should tell your therapist or not. I CAN tell you that the decision, either way, is perfectly valid and good, so long as it's YOUR decision (no one is forcing you one way or the other), and the results are working for you.

I highly doubt your therapist is going to dismiss you, as well. And if they do? Fire them. Get another one. Get a second opinion, and a third opinion, until it makes sense to you. If they can say, "maybe it might be this, have you considered this disorder? Here's some reasons," and those reasons make sense to you? Great. If not, keep looking.

I hope this helps. You're doing just fine.

[imbellarosa]

I'm likely the most anxious person alive. My anxiety is just terrible. I'm never not worrying and panicking and feeling so paranoid about things in my life. Except now it's reached a whole new level where I'm constantly plagued with anxious thoughts in this fandom. It's kind of fully taken over my life where my first thought when I wake up is about them, to the hours I'm lying awake (oh it's fun being an insomniac) waiting for sleep to finally grant me some serenity. It doesn't matter how many

, Atimes I tell myself I have no control over anything and I'm only ever seeing a tiny bit of the whole story so it's pointless. I try so hard to choose to not worry and not go insane thinking about everything but alas, anxiety is not a choice. This has manifested itself in a multitude of ways. Lyric analysis used to be something I savoured doing bc I have always connected so deeply with words and literature and I'm always someone who wants to dig deep beneath the surface, to see the parts of ppl

& lyrics that others gloss over, just delving into the core of things, seeing ppl for who they truly are. But now, I feel like I am losing it, that it's all become like this weird obsession. We all know BNFs are like DO NOT CHERRY PICK LYRICS and basically IGNORE THAT WEIRD GUT FEELING ABOUT ANY LYRICS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S NQR and they can sue me but I don't work like that. I've been obsessing over certain lyrics that I can't decipher or find an alternate meaning to the literal

one & obviously if it were to be taken literally it would be bad. And I just get so mad at myself for not understanding when words have always been my thing right? Like it was always where I excelled with flying colours and it came so naturally to me and then I get so exasperated with them (okay mainly H for his unfathomable lyrics) bc I want to understand more than anything (& I think deep down he craves being understood too) but he makes it so hard. But that's not the extent of it, I just

worry incessantly about everything. I just can't turn off my mind and it feels like it's on the verge of exploding. I wish I knew how to just take everything lightly & just revel in this fandom & have fun but instead I feel jaded and vexed all the time. And sometimes that infuriation is directed towards them & I feel guilty as I know that's unfair but I can't help it but it just gets on my nerves bc of the things they do & say (or rather don't do/say) haha so fun!! Apologies for this whole spiel

Hey anon <3! First of all, my inbox is always open, so jot that one right down. Second of all, I’m gonna say something that might sound out of line, but I think I have to say it: this sounds like your mental health might not be in a great place right now. And I don’t mean your “in fandom mental health”, I mean it sounds like your anxiety is giving you a really hard time overall, which, believe me, I know how much that sucks.  Life is a lot right now. But what I am hearing you say is that this fandom has become a really tangible manifestation of those anxieties. Let me know if I’m way off base here, okay? But I’m going to ask some questions (that you totally don’t have to reply to me - you can absolutely just take inventory on your own if that’s how you feel most comfortable.

Are you safe? If you’re not safe, is there someone you can call? If not, here is the International Association for Suicide Prevention so that you can find resources in your area. If you are at all contemplating this, please stop reading right here and give them a call. 

If you are safe, do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? This can be someone that knows who you are in the fandom and can talk to you with immediate replies, or someone outside of fandom, like an irl friend or family member. 

This question is primarily to do with a non-professional support system: do you have one you feel you can trust? If not, what are the things you could do to work towards that? 

This question is about professional support: it sounds to me like you’re saying that your anxiety is really impairing your day to day functions. If this is the case, do you have a professional you can talk with about potential coping skills? It sounds like fandom used to be one, but as the environment here changed, so did your relationship with it, and so maybe reaching out to someone that can point you in other directions for coping skills is a good thing. Because I don't know where you live, my best advice would be to call your physician and explain the symptoms you’ve been having and ask if they have a list of therapists that you could see for little to no charge. If you don’t have a physician (and I often don’t) then google is your best friend here. There are some resources available, but none of them take the place of seeing a doctor. In the US, if you don’t have insurance, you can go to a local community clinic and ask to be put on a waiting list for a therapist, if you’d like. 

I know that you’re saying that your anxiety is making it really difficult to disengage with BNFs and the discourse and all, but do you think that we could take it one step at a time? Like, for example, the lyric thing seems to really trigger your anxiety, so could you unfollow one blog (just one!) that makes you feel like that, and then see if you like your dash a bit better? It is TOTALLY okay to unfollow someone for your own mental health, and it isn’t a negative reflection on either of you! 

Do you think that engaging with other media would help at all? For example, Supernatural has 15 whole seasons of absolute campy goodness which I really, really unironically adore. When this fandom gets too much, I turn on an episode and get lost in it for a hot second. Another thing I really enjoy is Good Omens! The book is AMAZING, and the TV show is HILARIOUS! And while we’re on recs, I SUPER SUPER recommend anything by Neil Gaiman, but “Stardust” in particular is a great, soothing read for me, and I LOVE the audiobook! Ah! Hot Tip! I pay for audible, and it is one of the BEST things for my anxiety, especially when I pick the right books. The voices are soothing, the stories are great, and I can just...tune everything else out. 

If other media doesn’t help, would other hobbies? Would you be willing to go on a walk once a day to look for pretty stones or to ride your bike out with a book and stay for a minute or to start drawing at home or to write? Is there a way that you think you could healthily express these emotions which are a really normal response to an abnormal situation (the world is kinda a mess rn) 

It sounds like you are feeling really badly that you don’t think you can get a grasp on the songs. Is there something you can do to rebuild your confidence here? Can you talk about it with a fandom friend, or write down all your theories and see which one sticks or start a brand new analysis with something that has nothing to do w H or L and then come back to the drawing board? 

These are just questions that I would ask a friend that came to me with these issues, but honestly, I cannot stress #4 enough - if your anxiety is overwhelming (and it sounds like it is) then speaking to a professional is *so so so* important. I think it’s time to go take care of yourself, anon, and the boys will be here when you’re ready to interact with their content again. They’ll wait, you know? And I’ll be here the whole time if you want to do check-ins with me. I want to know that you’re okay, friend <3 

[thelittlehansy]

* i m not making this post  because i dont want hans to be a sociopath in fact i have a huge period where i was adoring the idea to have an evil prince as a sociopath. I mainly make this post because i have a personal anger against how fiction portray mental illness Obviously i m not a professional but both my parents are they are psychiatrist and i saw myself in serie movies some inaccurate things based on what they told me about their jobs. I also have issues with all the stereotype we have about mental illness. And really i knows that i m not in the writer head but i feel jennifer lee statement “sociopath are more interesting “when she talk about hans is link to all this stereotypes we have.

She say two things that for me reveal than she is not talking seriously and we shouldn't consider what she say seriously or canon.

She say that she has herself a sociopath mind. She say it twice in a interview suggesting that she just throw the world like that. ( i know this is very subjective what i say)

And mostly also Jennifer lee " Jennifer: Well, what’s interesting was it was a big — there was a lot of debate about that, not when to give it away. And John Lasseter particularly really didn’t want to. He loved it so much not to that he would push to the extreme sometimes where my sociopathic mind would break down because I’d be like, no, no, no, he wouldn’t do that because he’s calculating"

Based on reasearch and what my parents told me , Sociopath are impulsive there are not calculating if they are they dont elaborate plans and calculate everything like hans did. Professional saw them as hot-headed. When they do something they don't think that much before.So it did put in question about what jennifer lee say.

So i wanted to discuss is hans a sociopath ? I already talk that in my blog but i talk a lot about a frozen heart so here i m gonna put to the side all the complementary informations we have about him in the book. So this post is only based on hans behavior in the movie.

I find a interesting website about : how to write sociopath.https://www.writerscookbook.com/how-to-write-a-sociopath/

So lets see if hans behavior is faithful to how socipath act :

-They’re nervous and easily agitated

hans never show that in frozen on the contrary they show him to be calm and patient.

X

-They have no impulse control

they also show us hans to be in control. This is because hans is in control that he almost succeeded in his plans. The first thing that comes in my mind right here is hans reaction when he discovered elsa is not in the prison anymore he is angry but doesnt show it at all and stay calm and do nothing stupid.

X

-They don’t understand emotions

sociopath  the website say “ They won’t understand that they should be sympathetic if another character’s relative dies. They may react ambivalently, or not react at all.” he knows how to act at each moment,and understand exactly how to talk to people. Anna is sad he tell her "i will never shout you out"

with hans there is this idea that he is reflecting other people this is use to explain his anti social personality disorder.

Hans is not all the time mirroring people in the movie. When he is alone he show to be able to feel sympathy and tenderness. ( the scene where he is under the boat) he has also others scenes when he is not mirroring people. So hans knows how to act with people emotions without mirroring them.

Hans show emotional intelligence :

"Emotional intelligence refers to the capability of a person to manage and control his or her emotions and possess the ability to control the emotions of others as well. In other words, they can influence the emotions of other people also."

He knows exactly what to say to elsa.

-" dont be the monster they fear you are"  when Hans tell that he is mirroring no one.

-"You re sister is dead because of you" in this scene Hans is tone is accusatory while elsa feel is desperation.  He twice show to have a big influence on elsa behavior because he understand her emotions perfectly and know how to play with them. he use that to makes elsa weak and be able to kill her.

-Hans know how to control the emotion of anna horse and succeeded to calm it.

-Hans knows how to control the emotions of the duke of weselton and succeeded to calm him.  he has influence on his behavior.

-Hans also knows to influence anna emotions she was sad and then he appeared and succeeded in making her happy and seduce her.

-Hans knows what to say to anna to hurt her he is not mirroring her. " oh anna if only there was someone out there who loved you" when he knows that he say to her he loved her.

He influence the emotions of others. He perfectly knows how to control his emotions and manage them when he play the sad fiance all along when what he was feeling was excitement. he control his anger also when elsa is not in the prison anymore.

“In other words, emotional intelligence can be used for good or evil.This is the dark side of emotional intelligence: using one’s knowledge of emotions to strategically achieve self-serving goals. Much as a person possessing a brilliant intellect could become an accomplished detective or a criminal mastermind, one with a superior emotional quotient has a choice between two very different paths: using their influence to help or to harm.” Time

the movie show us three things : hans feel emotions , he can control them and he is a master in playing with the emotions of others.

X

-They don’t plan things

hans plan things. hans presence in arendelle is because he plan things he plan to woo the future queen in order to be king so we knows hans is able to project himself in the future. He then makes plan to marry anna. We saw him making plan during the whole movie. Hans own presence in arendelle is because of plans that he makes.

This suggest than if hans is really a sociopath then he would have never go in arendelle.

X

-They’re unreliable

“Being impulsive and doing things on a whim can be fun, but it can make life difficult for your other characters”

Hans obviously show to be unreliable to anna since he is comploting against her back but anna is not his goal since the beginning he is not with her but much more with the crown. he show to be faithful and reliable to arendelle citizens and devote to the kingdom. Sociopath are unreliable because there are impulsive When hans left to die anna this is Not the sign of an impulsive choice but something he has thought about previously if anna return alive he would have continue to play the fiance all along and show nothing he would have been 100% faithful to anna in order to have what he want and anna would have not even realize hans has others intentions in mind. Sociopath are unreliable because there are impulsive , Hans is not impulsive he is the whole contrary he think a lot and calculate everything in the movie. so based on the information of the website if it happened to him to be unreliable this is not in the same way sociopath are unreliable.

X

-They don’t learn from their mistakes

“ Unlike most of us, they don’t learn from their mistakes. They don’t have the patience to think through and analyse what’s happened to them.”

 we doesn't knows about that ! the movie never tell us how hans react to his mistake. now compare to the explication , hans show to be patient and show to analyze a lot of things. so this is possible he can do that for himself.

~

-They tell lies

hans tell  lies  but he also tell truth to anna during the night of the coronation. So he is able to tell truth when he could have lied. even the whole hans lies to anna about loving her is very very ambiguous in the movie because of the scene when they meet and he is alone. this is highly possible than Hans has like her and enjoy his time with her while developing a crush on her and then once in arendelle’s regent he concentrate on what is important for him. the crown ! not anna ! 

-They’re manipulative

hans show us his skills in manipulation ! he manipulate the dignitaries , he manipulate anna , he manipulate elsa. 

\/

Edit : i have maybe overestimate finally the factor manipulative hans is defintly manipulative but we can argue that maybe he didnt manipulate anna that much because of this scene where he look at anna in love where he is alone:

-They have difficulty forming attachments

we doesn't know about that one. we only saw hans with anna he has pass only the coronation night with her. ( he seem to have a big attachment with arendelle citizens XD)

so based on how a sociopath should be write hans is not very well written 5 traits of the traits hans show a behavior that is in total contradiction with sociopath 1 is accurate to sociopath ,  two we doesn't knows.

so now , maybe hans  still has antisocial personality disorder but belong to an extreme of the spectrum ? psychopath ? so we saw if hans is write like how sociopath act let just see  if hans shows symptoms of Anti social personality disorder based on the informations we have about him in the movie ?

Edit about " no remorse " found a post about a newspaper from disney park saying hans was doing penance iimplying that he did show remorse and a desire to learn from his mistake others people tought that maybe it was a synonym to punishement so choose to put it here in the end we dont really know but this is still an information since hans reaction to his crimes was never show in the movie.

Disregard for right and wrong

Hans believe that he could be the hero who is gonna saved arendelle from destruction. He wanted to do something that for him is right but use poor way to do it.

I think we doesnt really knows because at the moment hans say he was going to stage a little accident for elsa he view her as a monster who has froze her whole kingdom and need to be killed in order to bring back summer. Maybe hans of the begining with elsa benediction and without the knowledge of her powers would struggle to killed her. ( ?)

( but what i say is an assumption we doesnt really knows hans disregard right ans wrong in the movie but we dont know how much he do that in his every day life )

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others

Hans lies in the movie we doesn't knows if this is persistent but he also say truth to anna when he could have lied. He did exploit anna unfortunately we doesn't know how much hans exploit anna since we saw him showing affection for the princess in the beginning of the movie under the boat and before knew she was the princess. Everything is ambiguous..

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others

Hans was cynical and disrespectful to anna , he show to be concern and have respect for arendelle citizens. The movie never tell us if hans was genuine or not. The fact that he want to be a hero for arendelle imply that he did have respect for arendelle citizens.

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure

Very much positive.

Arrogance, a sense of superiority , high sense of self-importance , and being extremely opinionated

Hans show arrogance , we doesn't know if he feel  a sense of superiority and if he has a high sense of self importance. it could be possible because he wants to be king.

But...

hans tell in the movie than three of his brothers pretend that he was invisible , he talk about finding his own place and also about forgetting the pain of the past. the creator confirmed that hans did not lied and is the product of an unloving environment.

all of this imply he  is most likely to have low self esteem and doesn’t feel important that’s what drive him into becoming a king. 

Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior

we doesn't knows. but which king will send to a coronation a son who have recurring problem with law and criminal behavior ? so the answer is most likely no !

Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty

Hans did it once with Anna we doesn't knows about the factor “ repeatedly”

Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead

Hans is not impulsive but think about what he did , he calculate everything he knows how to plan ahead.

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence

he never show that behavior in the movie. hans show to knows how to be calm and patient he show hostility to anna. again if anna has return without a frozen heart he would have say nothing and anna would have never realize hans intentions are not genuine. So hans show to be patient and calm.

Let also say something 😅 after...his horse make him fall on the water , realize he need to seduced the princess instead of the queen , having a no from elsa , anna arguing with her sister , the sisters having magical powers , the sister run away his future fiance try to find her and leave him , her horse go back without her , not finding her again , find her sister , sister nearly got killed and the kingdom is still frozen , sister break away from prison hans reaction is to stay calm show nothing but only : he really has high tolerance to frustation.😅

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others

- Hans show no empathy for anna when he left her to die ans harm her - hans show empathy/concern  for anna when she fell on the boat and he didn't knew she was the princess. he show to be able to calm a horse - Hans show no empathy for elsa when he tried to kill her. - hans show to have concern for arendelle citizens the movie never tell us if this is true or false , it only hans feeling for anna that were not genuine the fact the he wants to be a hero for arendelle citizens and wants to be king show than this is highly concern than hans has concern for arendelle citizens. he doesn't want to be a tyrant.

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others

- once in charge of the kingdom hans took the situation with responsibility , he give cloak and blanket to the citizens who were cold. 

Poor or abusive relationships

we doesn't knows about that. Hans abuse anna trust not anna herself in the movie. has he has elsa benediction hans would have treat anna like a queen  because 100% dependant on her to be a king we also knows he never planned to killed her since he never say that in his mologue. so anna would have think everything is alright in her relationship and would have never knows that hans is interest by her position to the throne and is the one who had killed her sister. She would have a good relationship with him and not suffered of any abuse.

Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them

we doesn't knows what is hans reaction to the consequence of his negative behavior.

Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations :

Again hans show to act responsable in term of work but well he wants to be king so he wants to have responsabilities. He show to suceed when put in charge by anna and accomplish his obligations. We knows that by the citizens reactions to his presence.

"Adults with antisocial personality disorder typically show symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of 15. Signs and symptoms of conduct disorder include serious, persistent behavior problems, such as:"

Aggression toward people and animals

Hans has an horse with him that is not afraid of him his horse fall makes him fall on the water he is not angry at him ( with that we would have see he is a villain 😄) he also show in the movie to be able to have the confidence of an horse and succeded to calm it while looking in its eyes.

Destruction of property

We doesnt knows again if he did that in the past he would not have been send to elsa coronation 😅

Deceitfulness

He show that with anna we doesnt knows about his others relationship.

Theft

we doesn't know again is hans has steal in the past , again he would not have been send to be an official dignateries in arendelle.

Serious violation of rules

hans violate morality in the movie , Once in charge in arendelle he doesnt show violation of rules and act with responsability. Again who send to a coronation prince that seriously violate rules 🤨

* i keep findind contrary information like psychopath have low emotional intelligence then the contrary now i m discovering that antisocial personality disorder and psychopath are two different things 🤨

So let just see if hans has psychopath symptoms :

Superficial charm and glibness v

Inflated sense of self-worth

Imply this is the contrary since it is confirmed he comes from a family that make him feel worthless.

Constant need for stimulation

We doesnt knows.

Lying pathologically

Not show in the movie say truth when could have lied.

Conning others; being manipulative v

Lack of remorse or guilt

We doesnt knows since remorse come after the actions ? Not during the actions ? He show guilt to have make anna fall on the boat when he didnt knew she was the princess.

Shallow emotions

The scene under the boat suggest the contrary.

Callousness; lack of empathy

Like i say it before. Moment he show no empathy moment he show to be concern for others.

Using others (a parasitic lifestyle)

Use anna and elsa doesnt know if he did it often in his everyday life.

Poor control over behavior

Show opposed behavior in the movie.

Promiscuous sexual behavior

We Doesnt know😅but the fact that he refuse to kiss anna when he could have done it and didnt have sex with her during the coronation when he could have judging by his influence on her ( this is a kid movie i know 😆) and even say her to slow down when she beg her tp kiss her for me show that he is not very interest in sex😅

Behavioral problems early in life

We doesnt knows but the movie suggest the contrary , since hans has 12 olders brothers and he is the one who was send if he had early behavior problem in life and continued when he was less than 15 years old i doubt he will have been send at all.

Lack of realistic, long-term goals

Hans goal is to marry the queen and become king i think since he is a prince this is realistic. The only thing that prevent that to happened was elsa ice powers.

Being impulsive

Contrary behavior

Being irresponsible

Contrary behavior. Hans wants to have responsabilities.

Blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility

Accept responsability we dont know if hans blame others.

Having several marital relationships

We doesnt know but he is a prince so dont think so.

Delinquency when young

Based on the movie we dont know...but again if hans has show delinquency when young , i think he would not have been send to be at elsa coronation event.

Conclusions :

- he show a behavior in contradiction to how a sociopath should be written.

- in term of anti social personality disorder there are things that he doesnt have but show opposite attitute , hans is manipulative and show shallow charm this is what he has mainly in common with anti social personality disorder there is a lot thing we doesnt knows. This is highly possible that if hans has anti social personality disorder he would not have been in arendelle at all because the symtoms and problematic behavior appears before 15 years old, hans is 23 years old and chosen from 12 of his brothers to go to an important royal events.

Last word of the end : i try my best to talk about fact and all the things we saw in the movie without making wrong interpretation again i m not a professional but someone with a Disney princes obsession disorder 🙂

[chemical-cat]

Just an update on me as a person...

So over the last few days I've been very quiet not only here, but on other platforms as well, especially on my tiktok.

Overall, I've just been trying to work on myself as a person. In the last 3-4 years, I've slipped into a rut, in which some of the behaviors I personally do are not healthy not only to myself but to my partner as well. Now they aren't anything abusive or anything like that, but to me personally they just aren't healthy and I wanted to work on myself.

Over the last year, I've been out of work mainly because I've been having significant health issues which have ultimately impacted my life to the point where I can't work a regular job because within the first 90 days, I'm running the risk of being fired because I'm having to either call in because I'm sick or if I try and push through, my previous jobs would send me home but still tie on a "strike" because I was a liability. (Even in some of these jobs where I worked a year or more, I would be on management's shitlist because of that despite me trying to push through as much as possible.) I've been dealing with these particular health issues for almost 5-6 years now, and while I have been actively seeking medical care for it, I've become so exhausted and tired. I'm tired of the countless tests, the pokes and prads, that result in absolutely no answers and sky high medical bills. I'm tired of countlessly being brushed off as a hypochondriac when I have people in my life, friends/family/partners there with me looking my doctors in the face and telling them they witnessed what I'm saying and that it's true.

I've had so many doctors look at me and tell me so many things that have broken me over the years, I've always been a very petite individual to the point I was labeled as a failure to thrive when I was 9 because I was failing to put on weight the way I should and to grow, I had stalled overall from growing. I have never had an eating disorder, and I will openly state that, if I did I would be honest about it because I fully understand that if I did I could get help and honestly if I did, then I would finally have an answer to my health problems. But I don't, I have always been able to out eat my younger brothers and family. However despite this, despite being with a family practioner who has watched my weight bounce around like a yo yo, and who knows I personally follow their advice for my diet and have tried multiple different changes to my diet just to try and maintain a solid weight, I have experienced my whole life being brushed off because of my size and that I must simply have an eating disorder that I'm to ashamed to admit. However, as I've pointed out several times to various doctors these crucial points if I did:

If I was anorexic, then not only after 5 years would it show but there would be other significant issues (not to mention I'm only putting this is into the 5 years where I have been experiencing health issues not the whole timeline of my life)

If I was bulimic, then I would be having issues with my throat being burned from throwing up constantly, as well as there would potentially be damage to the flap that covers your lungs from food/your stomach from getting air in it and it wouldn't work properly. Not to mention that throwing up has ALWAYS given me panic attacks and anxiety ever since I was a child, now as an adult who has ptsd for me personally, when I throw up I go into a panic attack, which more often then not during the panic attack ends up triggering my ptsd and I end up having flashbacks despite throwing up and the ptsd being unrelated. So personally I don't like throwing up, and I try my hardest not to.

Despite this, over the last year I've had so many negative experiences that it is beyond frustrating. Perfect example being that I went into the ER one night because I was throwing up so badly that I couldn't even hold water down, I was terrified. I couldn't even drive myself, I had to have my mother drive me to the ER at 3-4 am. When we got there, the doctor was completely dismissive and rude from the beginning, insisting that I was pregnant (just from looking at me when he entered the room), when I said there was no way I was pregnant, he got irritated and asked how I would possibly know if I wasn't pregnant (not like it's my own body, god forbid if I know whether or not there was a chance I was pregnant that I would or wouldn't know), when I replied that not only had I had my period every month like clockwork (and that alone isn't usual for me as I have pcos), but that I was currently on my period, as well as the biggest factor being that the last time I had sex was over 7 months ago so I think I'd know if I was 7 months pregnant, he dismissed me and insisted on doing a pregnancy test because he was sure I was pregnant. Which I did with no complaints just to show him that I knew what I was talking about, when the test came back negative, he entered the room and then insisted I had an eating disorder simply based off the fact that I was petite, and when I got reasonably upset at this and told him he was wrong, he once again said how would I possibly know. By this point my mom piped up, and defended me insisting I don't have an eating disorder, and that I out eat my younger brothers (one who is an adult and the other two who are teens), to which he replied with "in all due respect ma'am, how do you know she's not throwing it up later? You may see her eat in front of you, and then she goes and throws it up later, and she's just doing this for attention?" (Yes. He openly stated that I was in the ER at 4 in the morning, when I had to work that morning because I was 'doing it for attention') by this point I was irritated, stressed (because among a string of irrational phobias, I've always had a phobia since I was a child of doctors of any kind and hospitals, so being in a hospital is extremely stressful and scary to me.) I snapped, I was just so done with him as a doctor and wanted to go home, and I told him "because we live in a 115 year old house, and I can hear my parents fucking from one end of the house all the way on the other, so I'm pretty sure they would know if I was throwing up. Now are you actually going to help or can I just fucking go home?" To which he got huffy, and stated I had a stomach bug and released me. In the last 5 years, I've experienced many doctors like this and it is so beyond exhausting. I wish I was making up my symptoms, I wish I was being a hypochondriac because then I would have an answer, and I would honestly know it's all in my head.

Over the 3 years, I've experienced so much depression over this that I've lost a lot of joy in the things I once loved. Simply because as much as I wish it was in my head, I know it's not and the others around me have insisted that it's not either. Yet despite countless tests, there's still no answers, I'm left scared, anxious, and with no answers. At this point I don't even want a solution, I don't care about a way to fix whatever is wrong, I just want to know what's wrong.

My memory has faded to the point where I'm lucky if I can remember a conversation I had with someone 5 minutes ago. I have pass out spells where I'll faint randomly, sometimes I'm lucky and I'll get what I call 'warnings' where I'll get tunnel vision and I know I have less then 10 seconds to get down to the ground to limit possible injury to myself because either way I'm going down. The pass out spells happen whether I'm standing, walking, sitting, laying down, it doesn't matter. I get migraines so badly that it feels like someone is taking a spoon and trying to carve out the cavity where my eyeball as well as I get this hollow type sensation in my head as well. I have what I call 'eye twitches', where my pupils vibrate so fast I can't see for a minute or two, it comes on fast with no seeming cause as to why and it fades as fast as it comes on. (I have been checked multiple times by the eye doctor and it's been determined that there is no cause for this from the eye itself, and that nothing in the eye could be causing it, that other than an astigmatism my eyes are both healthy, I have been working with a neurologist and a cardiologist to get to the bottom of this). Off the top of my head, that's the major ones I can think of, I've been checked for low blood sugar, I've been checked for heart issues, I've done so many tests that I'm exhausted. This isn't a way to live, but yet I have to live in this body, in pain and scared and there are no answers.

As of now, I'm waiting on another test while fighting to get my insurance to actually pay for my medical bills (so far they're refusing and I have almost 10 grand in medical bills, for some of these tests it was verified with insurance before admistering them that they would be covered by insurance because they're expensive tests, insurance agreed it was covered and now refuses to cover anything). It's frustrating, and beyond stressful because it seems like I'm just watching the number climb, because of this I have been unable to get in for the next test I need. While I have been waiting, I've been trying to just make it day by day, I've been trying to be happy.

Because I'm tired of doctors looking at me and dismissing me based off the way my body looks, I've been desperately trying to put on more weight. Which I'm honestly happy about putting on weight because, I do have body dysmorphia and I can't stand the way I look I feel like I'm a walking skeletor, even though my friends/family/and my partner all insist I don't look like a skeletor but that I just look petite, I know it's just my own inability to see my body the way it is. So I've worked on not spending as much time in the mirror, when I do to check how an outfit looks or brush my hair that if I start saying negative things I start pointing out positive things instead, like:

A few days ago I wore a top, with a smokey type print, because this top had more print on one side over the other my first thought was how it looked like I had one boob massively bigger than the other (despite wearing a sports bra where even if that was the case it wouldn't even be that obvious, and it's natural to have one breast bigger than the other), and I pushed that thought to the side pointing out to myself that it was the way the print looked and that even if I did so what? It's natural and no one would really notice that.

I noticed I was starting to put on more weight, and started to get a little more of a tummy while wearing my favorite pair of sweatpants, initially thinking that I'd be unattractive with a 'muffin top', however I pointed out that it's ok to have a tummy, that it's natural and that having even a little bit of a muffin top is ok because I look healthier.

I've been desperately trying to work on the way my body dysmorphia shapes my reality, I know I will never get rid of it and that's ok, but I want to let myself even just some of the time find positive things about myself. During all of this, I've been tracking my diet, in doing so I have implemented a possible weird solution but it's working and that's what matters, I noticed when people diet they try to keep track of calories, and it can help them lose weight. On my phone, it has a health section, and based off my height and weight it has a section where you can monitor your diet (making sure you taking in enough protein, vitamins, veggies, if your taking in to much sodium/sugar, etc. As well as calories), based off my height and current weight, it automatically calculated a daily calorie intake to help me maintain that weight, I figured if I upped it and tried to hit at minimum that calorie intake then I may be able to gain some extra weight. (It was automatically calculated to have a daily calorie intake of 1,300 calories, so I upped it to 2,000 although if I go above that I'm not upset with myself I'm more proud than anything), as well as I'm working on taking in more protein, dairy, carbs (all three were recommended to me by my doctor to have more of these to try to maintain weight and possibly even gain weight), I've tried to scale down on how much caffeine and sugar I'm taking in as well, because I've noticed I have a fairly large sodium diet and I don't want to become dehydrated (because I also don't want dehydration headaches), so I've been trying to upscale in my water intake as well and trying to force myself to drink water versus more caffeine or soda/pop/sugary drinks. (Although, the sugar cravings definitely suck).

I've gotten a agenda/planner to help better keep track of appointments as well as just trying to set a daily schedule for myself as well (like I did back in school, especially with my memory issues so I didn't forget anything), in scheduling things I've been trying to schedule in time during every week to have a "weekend/relaxation time" where I don't do any type of work if I don't want to, a few days to just mentally de-escalate.

In terms of actual work, I've been working on making my own etsy store and products for it, reviewing other products from other businesses/tarot decks, doing tarot readings for clients both on livestreams and privately, as well as general work around the house.

In terms of my online work besides working on my shop and products for it, and doing reviews, and working with clientele in terms of tarot readings, I've also been slowly working on doing research for book reviews for witchy books. Some may see it as not legitimate work, but it's work to me, I'm trying to create an income in something that not only makes me happy but something I strongly believe in as well, but it's slow going.

Now this is just a disclaimer, I am not asking for advice, money, or opinions on my current situation or medical status. I am actively working with a medical team to best get to results as fast as they are able too, I do not want any form of donation to deal with medical debt. This was honestly just a place for me to vent away from my main profile on other platforms where people may have gotten the wrong idea and thought I was asking for money or tried to give me money, I honestly just wanted a place to vent and that's all this post is. It is a place to vent, and it's a moment in time that I can look back on in the future and see where all my progress started while I continue working on myself as a person.

[beckettmoba468-blog]

KRATOM: THE PROVOKING TREE THAT MIGHT ASSIST OPIOID NUTS-- Supposing That THE DEA DOESN'T BAN IT

The young woman up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island. It is a little neighborhood, affluent and charmingly New England. Heroin was very offered there, and great.

By age 15, Campellone was a day-to-day user. She stopped going to school, stopped doing much of anything besides scoring drugs, doing drugs, taking things, selling things, scoring more drugs, doing more drugs. "This was the beginning of the New England heroin epidemic," she states. "Everyone I understood was overdosing, passing away, lives breaking down, people contracting diseases from sharing needles."

In 2014, overdoses from heroin or prescription opioids killed 30,000 people-- four times as many than in 1999. Today, 3,900 new individuals begin utilizing prescription opioids for non-medical functions every day. The annual health and social costs of the prescription opioid crisis in America?

Campellone kicked her routine at 19-- with rehab, suboxone, and a great deal of self-discipline-- and left west, to the San Francisco Bay Area. She began operating at a natural treatment shop in Berkeley. Her bosses and colleagues presented her to a variety of plant-based products, amongst them a tart-tasting leaf called kratom. It provides a minor, euphoric high. Like the sensation that remains when you spin around in circles after the lightheadedness uses off. It was likewise a decent painkiller, so she 'd take it when she was harmed, or on her menstruation.

And, on two events, she used it to help with the withdrawal signs following heroin relapses. "Nothing really feels good when you're withdrawing from heroin, so no matter what you're taking, you're still in pain and it's pretty unbearable," says Campellone. Kratom assisted some.

Campellone never ever requires a prescription to obtain kratom. Nor does she need to visit a dealer. She buys it from an natural treatment store-- about $20 for a 4-ounce package, which lasts about a week. She gets a stomach ache when she takes too much. And when she does not take it, she doesn't crave it like she longed for heroin. Mainly she does not believe about it; it simply beings in her cabinet. She was surprised when, on August 30, the DEA revealed that it was pursuing an emergency scheduling of mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine, the active alkaloids in kratom. Campellone was among maybe 4 or 5 million Americans who were being informed, for https://www.drugs.com/illicit/kratom.html perhaps the very first time, that this leaf presented an "imminent risk to public security."

The DEA Takes an Exception to Kratom

Biologically, kratom acts enough like an opioid that DEA considers it a danger to public safety. The company prepared to use a regulatory mechanism called emergency situation scheduling to put it in the very same limiting category as lsd, heroin, and cannabis . This classification, Schedule I, is booked for exactly what the DEA thinks about the most hazardous drugs-- those with no redeeming medical worth, and a high potential for abuse.

Prior to they completed the scheduling, something surprising happened. An advocacy group called the American Kratom Association (yes, AKA) raised $400,000 from its impassioned membership-- outstanding for a not-for-profit that typically raises $80,000 a year-- to pay for lobbyists and legal representatives , who got Congress on their side.

On September 30, agents both conservative and liberal -- from Orrin Hatch to Bernie Sanders-- penned a letter to the DEA. "Given the long reported history of kratom use, coupled with the general public's sentiment that it is a safe alternative to prescription opioids, our company believe utilizing the routine evaluation procedure would attend to a much-needed conversation among all stakeholders," they wrote.

It worked. The DEA raised the notification of emergency scheduling, and opened a public remark duration until December 1. When was the last time the DEA backed off anything? "This is uncommon," says Gantt Galloway, a Bay Area pharmacologist specializing in treatments for addictive drugs. When the DEA reacted to public protest like this, Galloway could not remember another instance.

As of this writing, those comments number almost 11,000. They are from: people who utilize kratom to eliminate chronic pain or endometriosis or gout; people who use kratom to treat depression or wean off opioids or alcohol; individuals who stated it saved their life. "It doesn't allow you to escape your issues," states Susan Ash, creator of the AKA, who utilized kratom to deal with pain and get away an dependency to prescription opioids. "It rather has you face them complete on due to the fact that it doesn't numb your brain at all, and it doesn't make you feel stoned like medical cannabis does. But it's effective on a lot of things, like discomfort and anxiety and anxiety."

And certainly not adequate to back up all the life-changing claims proclaimed in public comments, and by the many kratom users we spoke with. And ought to the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule kratom, these people will become lawbreakers overnight.

For Ash, that's completely undesirable. "I want the future to appear like this is your next coffee," she says. "I 'd like it to be offered in Starbucks. I'm not even joking."

An Herb Wades Into an Opioid Crisis

Kratom is not an opioid-- really, it remains in the coffee family-- however its active molecules bind to the exact same neuronal receptors as opioids like heroin, codeine, morphine, and oxycodone . Generally, those drugs give users a feeling of bliss and dull their discomfort-- that's why David *, a former boarding school instructor, started using prescription opioids to treat his pain from ski injuries. He became addicted, and when his prescriptions went out, he switched to heroin. "I ended up being a high functioning user," he says. "My addiction was never spotted at my place of work, although I do believe my behavior ended up being more unpredictable."

When David eventually dedicated himself to rehab, his physicians weaned him off heroin utilizing suboxone, a combination of 2 drugs-- buprenorphine, a partial opioid that satiates the body's chemical thirst, and naltrexone, which blocks any blissful opioid sensations. Suboxone can offer users symptoms of withdrawal, not to discuss a dulled sense of reality. And users like David can still discover methods to abuse it. "Dependence on that was different from heroin, and it became simpler to take more suboxone to a higher high, or selling it to score heroin once again," he states.

As of this writing, however, David has actually been clean for 18 months-- success that he associates to kratom. Since it binds to the very same receptors as opioids, kratom users report comparable euphoric and pain-killing effects, but they're silenced. After other 12 step recuperating addicts presented David to the plant, it assisted him restore his life-- he did eventually lose that boarding school teaching job-- and handle the physical discomfort that got him hooked on opioids to start with.

Because it mirrors opioids in other ways, the issue is that kratom is likewise addictive. Once again, the genuine science is sparse. David and numerous other users we talked with stated kratom is routine forming, to some degree, though one survey in Southeast Asia discovered that for individuals utilizing it to kick an opioid dependency, the reliance is far less likely to disrupt their lives. "When I take kratom, that addicting part of me starts and it becomes regular," states Jeffrey *, another former opioid addict. "It does not throw my life out of control, but it bugs me when individuals state things like, 'it's not more addictive than coffee.' I think that prevents us making inroads with the regulators."

There is no doubt, nevertheless, that kratom is less hazardous than opioids-- even take-home synthetics like suboxone. "The two primary alkaloids in kratom, mitragynine and 7-hydroxy , appear to have a low ceiling https://www.wired.com/2016/11/kratom-bitter-plant-help-opioid-addicts-dea-doesnt-ban for breathing anxiety," says pharmacologist Jack Henningfield of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who with the consulting firm Pinney Associates has advised the AKA on kratom scheduling.

Notification he said "purely." In its initial notice of emergency situation scheduling for kratom, the DEA did link the drug to 15 deaths in between 2014 and 2016. However that accounting ignores that all however among those people had other compounds in their systems. Folks utilizing kratom to wean themselves off opioids might still be taking those opioids.

And some deaths could be associated to contamination: Because kratom isn't strictly managed, bad actors can and do lace the plant with actual opioids, like the exceptionally effective synthetic opioid fentanyl. Well, we've got a special kratom product,'" Henningfield says. The concern is whether the DEA's scheduling is the ideal kind.

Regulative Wranglings

The FDA could assist avoid contamination-related deaths by strictly controling kratom as a supplement, instead of the DEA scheduling it as a drug. "FDA has a great deal of authority to really assist customers know that what they're purchasing is exactly what is identified, and have at least some level of guarantee," Henningfield states. "It's not near to the drug requirement, but it's better than something that's illegally marketed."

"The choice to permanently schedule any drug is not a DEA unilateral decision," states Steve Bell, a DEA representative. The FDA authorized the drug in 2002, and the Department of Health and Human Services suggested that the DEA put it in Schedule III, which the DEA accepted.

Arrange I, though, is an totally various rodeo. If the DEA locations kratom here, nobody can touch the things. Current users, must they continue to utilize, will be required to even sketchier sources. And scientists will have a more difficult time finding out how kratom works, and supporting, or refuting, the claims users make with tough information. (Consider cannabis, likewise a Schedule I drug. Science has a scarcity of data on it since getting authorizations to study the drug is an exercise in governmental madness.).

All that research costs money. Which is kratom's dilemma: The DEA wishes to arrange the drug due to the fact that they think it might position a danger to public health, but the only method to validate (or refute) the DEA's concerns is with more research study-- which will be beside impossible should the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule.

One of the couple of researchers studying kratom is the University of Florida's Oliver Grundmann, who is completing up an online survey of almost 10,000 users. And the data ( initial, though Grundmann plans to release a paper in the coming months) reveals a various profile of kratom users than you 'd anticipate from an " illegal" leisure drug.

Not rather the celebration drug group. And the public remarks on the DEA's scheduling notification show that population. Many of those folks are using kratom to either wean themselves off prescription opioids or use the drug alone to deal with discomfort.

Still, that's self-medication utilizing a product that may be contaminated. "The industry needs to come together," states Susan Ash of the AKA.

Grundmann states he understands the DEA's motivation. "They do not wish to have another drug out there that could potentially contribute to the currently ravaging opioid epidemic that some neighborhoods are experiencing," he states. "But on the other side, we likewise have to consider that the 4 to 5 million estimated users of kratom might deal with a health crisis of their own if kratom ends up being arranged.".

Anecdotes and Evidence.

Ariana Campellone takes her kratom with coconut milk and protein powder. She mixes, watering down with water to take the lumps out of the mixture. By itself, the stuff tastes awful. Like oversteeped tea, or a mouthful of peat. She thinks the comparison to coffee is a bit overemphasized. "Coffee gives me a visible spike and high, and can feel when I'm boiling down," she states.

The DEA's public comment period closes tomorrow. The agency states it will consider those remarks alongside the FDA's medical and scientific assessment prior to continuing to schedule. The FDA did not react in time to talk about this story.

Nevertheless, if the DEA follows through on its previous intent to schedule, Campellone says she'll still continue to use kratom. "Just like people have continued to utilize marijuana where it's illegal," she says. In practical terms, it implies getting ahold of kratom would probably get more expensive and personally risky . Those expenses, those risks-- those hassles-- might not be worth it to some kratom users. Then the not-so-small community of recovering opioid addicts lose something available, and perhaps rather excellent.