#the last question was my absolute favourite out of this bunch...

[merrydock]

Questions for my favourite yapper . . .

༄˖°.🪐.ೃ࿔*:･ ERIS ༄˖°.🪐.ೃ࿔*:･

[5] Are they good at keeping secrets?

[15] How do they act around people they don’t like?

[40] How picky they are with food, do they have specific dietary requirements based on their health or culture?

[44] On a party, where would you find them?

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

Eris questions!!!! YAY!

These were VERY fun and I got to talk about some of my favourite aspects of this silly guy, so thank you for sending them my way!

Time to yap about the yapper, below the cut.

[5] Are they good at keeping secrets?

Not at all. LOL. Eris is quite the gossip, so harmless secrets tend to be pretty readily circulated by him. One of his favourite hobbies is meeting with the other village socialites over a shared bottle of wine and getting updated on the latest news. Still, he's not meanspirited, and he'll try his best to keep secrets that he knows should be kept, with variable success. He won't bring them up himself, but when directly asked, it's obvious he's hiding something. He'll look away, change the topic, nervously laugh, and fidget. Hopefully whoever is asking won't press much further...

[15] How do they act around people they don’t like?

Eris loves people! There are very few people he dislikes. With those rare few he can't stand, he usually acts just the same as with people he enjoys the company of—polite small talk, jokes, and compliments. Eris was raised to always make a good impression, and how others perceive him is very important to him. Very often, the people he doesn't like are none the wiser about his true feelings towards them.

There are a couple of people he can't keep up this guise around, however. For example, his ex-partner, Descant—with him, Eris goes out of his way to avoid him to prevent any uncomfortable interactions.

[40] How picky they are with food, do they have specific dietary requirements based on their health or culture?

As an Owlk, Eris is an obligate carnivore! He enjoys a protein-rich diet of many different meats from the creatures that inhabit the home moon, both domesticated and wild, supplemented with nuts and grains and less-nutritional treats like fruits. He can be a picky eater at times, and is definitely less adventurous alone than if he goes to the marketplace with his friends (in which case he's much more likely to be coaxed into trying something new). He also has a bad habit of skipping meals when working, and often chooses the convenience of buying food over making something healthier himself. Generally, he prefers grilled meats, slathered in flavourful sauces or marinades, and stews, but will also eat pretty much anything his partner Sedska makes him!

[44] On a party, where would you find them?

Everywhere! Eris is very sociable, and won't just mingle with other social people. He'll try to talk with everyone, from his friends, to acquaintances, to strangers. He enjoys getting to know the people who reside in his town, and if he has the time, always makes an effort to break any more introverted folks out of their shells.

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

Aw, this is a lovely question! Eris loves decorating, and his living space is always filled with memories he's made. Photographs taken with a camera or pulled from a vision torch, blueprints he's drafted of spacecraft he's worked on, and paintings he's made of plants and landscapes fill the walls, and gifts he's received from friends and family clutter every shelf. Even so, this is never enough to really make a place feel like home. When living alone, Eris doesn't spend much time at his cabin, quick to get lonely and stir-crazy. He'll even prefer working late in his office, where there is work to keep him busy and people to talk to.

For this reason, the most important thing for Eris to feel at home is to have company—home is more of a person for him than it is a place. His sister, his best friend, and his partner all fill this role for him, and he's comfortable being anywhere as long as he has one of them with him.

These questions were so fun to answer, thank you for sending them my way!!!!

[velocesainz]

Hey lovely, F1 idea with either Lando or Charles for you. Them coming home after being away a while and going to the fridge for a snack, only to find things you normally hate in there. Because you’re pregnant but you haven’t told anyone yet 🫠

A/n: Hope you enjoy, I’m sorry if this was a little short for your liking

Cravings

F1 masterlist | Main masterlist |

Summary: Lando doesn’t know you’re pregnant and comes home from f1 to find the most random foods in the fridge. What is his reaction? This is kinda short don’t mind

Warnings: none, super fluffy, very slight angst

Pairing: Lando x pregnant!fem!reader

Y/n pov:

I came home with a bunch of groceries, most of them my pregnancy cravings and started putting the foods away.

Lando doesn’t know that I’m pregnant and I’m kinda scared to tell him. How will he react?

We never had a conversation about having kids before so I don’t even know if he wants kids or not.

Lando should be home in another few days so I better make a plan fast.

I put a hand on my barely visible baby bump. “It’ll all be ok baby, don’t worry”

A few days later:

Lando pov:

Finally I’m home! This season was fun but the break is going to be even better!

I can spend my time with y/n and maybe I can tell her about wanting to have kids

I’m at a decent level in my career and we are old enough to have kids, also I had baby fever from looking at Carlos’s niece and can’t stop imagining how y/n would look pregnant.

She would look really hot.

I came home and dropped my bag on the table walking into the house.

I called out to y/n but didn’t hear a response, she’s probably not home.

I felt really hungry so I opened the fudge but the contents inside really surprised me.

Pickles, peanut butter, cheesecake…

These are all foods that y/n hates with an absolute passion. Why is it in the fridge then? Was somebody over when I wasn’t around?

That can’t be possible! Y/n would tell me if someone came over, plus with how much she works there is no way she would even allow a visitor because she would fear that she wouldn’t be a good host.

Just then I heard the front door open and heard y/ns sweet voice that I’ve been dying to hear for the past 2 weeks. “Lando are you home? I’m back!”

I closed the fridge and ran to hug her tight.

“I missed you so much baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the last few races.” She told me.

“I missed you more than you can imagine love. Also don’t worry about not coming to my races, just knowing you are watching me is enough motivation to do well in my races” I said to her causing her to blush, why is she so goddamn cute?

“I have one question, why are there pickles and cheesecake in the fridge? Me and you both don’t like them” I asked her. Her eyes widened in fear.

“Uh I uh…” she stuttered.

“It’s ok love, you can tell me no matter what it is” I said to try and ease her nerves.

“Ok…but just know that I understand if you want to leave me after what I tell you” she said with her down.

What? Did she cheat on me or something?

“I uhm..I’m pregnant” she said and backed away.

I was going to be a father. WAIT WHAT? IM GOING TO BE A FATHER!!

I immediately hugged her right and I felt a wet patch on my hoodie.

“You’re not mad?” She asked me with her big doe eyes staring straight into mine.

“Of course not love! I’ve always wanted to be a father, I’m sorry if I never told you before” I told her and watched as she breathed a huge sigh of relief and hugged me tighter.

“I’ll make sure that this baby has the best and most safe love with my favourite lady in the world” I said as we hugged each other tightly and stayed there for a while.

The next few months are sure going to be eventful.

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

Hey!

Since I started playing August last year I'd been lurking on the reddit (since I don't have an account) and always found the posts of the person who was writing "what choices determine Cove's X" so insightful and loved reading them

recently, i played the baxter DLC (still am not over it, it's my most favourite thing ever; i just love our pepe le pew) so I spent a lot of time on the reddit just reading up about him and what others thought bcs i LOVE deep analysis on characters that I've liked and I stumbled upon a bunch of your comments (which again, loved reading!) and I put a name to the comment

found the same username on tumblr and simultaneously found out you were the one who goes into the games files and wrote those posts I loved so, AH! Hi!

hahah my 'fangirling' and backstory aside, right after I played Baxter's DLC I felt like I didn't understand the reasons behind his actions? I know everyone talks about how he has self-worth issues and wanted to just be a memory but I don't get how that all correlated to completely detatching and not wanting to be a part of MC's life? Like did he care at all? If he didn't, why keep your number and the gift you gave him in one of the memories (Sightseeing?). But if he did care, how did he so easily at the beginning distance himself professionally? AND THEN REMINISCE ON ALL OUR MEMORIES TOGETHER BUT GO BACK TO PROFESSIONAL; LIKE WHAT WAS THE INTENTION

I feel like it is such a stupid question since it seems like everyone else gets it and the game explains it so many times but I just did not get it 😭

so if you could! could you help me understand it a little better? (and if you have talked about it before, no pressure to rewrite it all here I'd happily read another post of yours about it if you could kindly link it!)

i hope that makes sense haha, hope you have a lovely day and genuienly THANK YOU for what you do with your blog! its so great and even if you don't answer this ask i will LOVE reading everything you still put out!

-jaycee <3

*ahem*

Firstly--AAAAAAA >//////<

Thank you so much!! I do my best to help out so people can understand the code, and at times I just see it as something fun for me. So, when people enjoy them as well, it makes me so happy~

Also, I'd be delighted to answer your questions about Baxter! His DLC is absolutely packed so I get that sometimes it's hard to absorb it all. You asking someone for "help" and wanting to understand (rather than simply giving up or writing the DLC off) is admirable, honestly, not something to feel stupid about!

For me personally, I do believe that there are layers to it, and I'll try to do things in a different enough way/simplify them linearly in case that might help. Included will be quotes from the game to help things flow best.

All that said, let us now go on this journey into Baxter's mind together! ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

(note that this got so long that I put a TL;DR/summarized version at the end, I just thought it was important to go into as much as possible; I also have a Reddit comment here that has a smaller/quoteless explanation)

Childhood and Early-to-Mid Teens

Let's take this chronologically. Picture a young Baxter Alexander Ward all the way back in Golden Grove. He's a rich boy with rich parents, and by rich, we're talking really rich. What already is so much to an adult is virtually limitless in the mind of a child, and it earns him a certain reputation amongst the population. Everyone knows the name of the Mr. and Mrs. Ward's only child, and it makes him extremely popular.

However, that doesn't mean he has true company, especially as his neighborhood situation is quite the opposite from the MC of either Our Life version, who are given one or two easily-accessible friends depending on the game.

"The land my family home was built on… I suppose you could call it somewhat remote. It's a fair-sized estate, situated a little ways off from the rest of the town. So, until I moved into college dorms, I'd go as far as to say that I'd never had neighbors before."

In other words, there's no one around his age nor does he have a sibling to play with. This isn't a big deal at first, given that he's young, innocent, and raised where anything he wanted was in his parents' budget. He's expected to act a certain way, certainly, but he can't understand the idea of needing anymore than what he has: he's the cute rich boy that has "everything" and that every kid wants to be close to.

So much so that it gives him an ego about it.

"What I do distinctly recall is that as a child I unequivocally thought I was better than other people. That those who met me were lucky, and I could pick anyone I wanted as company. The onus was on everyone else to impress. "If someone was boring or maybe I just didn't like the colors they were wearing that day, I could find a new playmate, easily. After all, I had the most to offer. "Naturally, what I was 'offering' was what my parents had. A big, cool house, exciting outings, the best toys. It wasn't until I was eleven or so when I developed my first stable friends. They might not have been rich like me, but they had their own charms. Those ties couldn't be replaced."

"I loved it when they would come and visit; there was scarcely anything better. They never got over their sense of awe, and I ate it up."

"Becoming attached to other people, especially those people, made me realize what I'd believed wasn't true. And it was so obvious. They were wonderful. I felt things I never had before. "All it took was being who they were. It didn't matter what their parents did. No fancy venue could top genuine comradery with their company. "And for whatever reason, I was in the club, and I was happy. The person who was lucky to be there was me. "I had wanted my friends to feel the same way towards me. To have that kind of incredible effect on another person for no reason other than that I was Baxter."

Thus, the confident boy Baxter sees in the mirror everyday, like a framed painting of the kind of person everyone wants to be, becomes distorted. Kids didn't flock to him because he was "Baxter," but because he was a rich boy who could wow them. He felt that even the friends he did manage to acquire only hung out with him because they were lovely people, because they also were not immune to being awed by his rich boy things, and because he got lucky.

Qiu - who's part of his friend group - being his first crush likely doesn't help matters. It's no longer about his own personal satisfaction, where he shows off and the kids involved do little more than stroke his ego; now there are kids who are the ones offering him something, and it's something he didn't even know he was missing.

This begins the initial spark of self-worth issues for Baxter, and it's a spark that snowballs as time goes on. He doubts himself, he doubts his ability to make his friends happy in the way that they make him happy, and he - when he's fourteen - goes so far as to doubt the impression something as simple as his hair gives off.

"The generous might say I could count it as black, or that it was 'black in the right light' as my parents placatingly put it. "The fact of the matter is that it's a dusty gray."

"Who would notice a color that wasn't exactly black? And why would they care, even if they did? "Me. I noticed. I noticed and it bothered me, so I dyed it. "Was it something I wanted only for my own preference, or was it because I believed if I saw it as an imperfection then that meant everyone else did? "Probably the latter."

(note that this is around the time that an MC might meet him in Soiree and potentially become his second crush)

So now you have a double-edged sword of sorts where Baxter wants to be good enough as he is, yet is actively covering up the parts of himself that he deems as flaws to be corrected.

In trying to craft this "perfect/better" version of himself, he's created a scenario in which he cannot win. Even if said version could make people happy, he is still not the real version of himself and goes on believing that any amount of joy he does create isn't even "him" doing it anyway.

This is already excluding the fact that his parents are *:･ﾟ✧ garbage ✧･ﾟ:* who always wanted him to act a particular way, and he knew they'd take issue with him if they didn't raise him personally.

"They understand care through the lens of control and protection. That's been their way ever since I was young. In that sense, they treat me no different from a child. "But, of course, they are quiet, educated, esteemed, and a tad old. As is their company, most days. That's not the environment to act as a kid. "That meant I've always been expected to behave with the maturity of someone their own age, or perhaps even older, somehow. "A bit of a paradox, isn't it? Do everything as an adult would while getting the respect an infant does."

"They're family and I'm their son. That is what matters at the end of the day, blood related or not. "I'm thankful for that as well. "Now, if I wasn't the boy they raised together in any capacity, then there would be problems."

Even the air of sophistication he has comes from his upbringing (though he's at least made that his own). There's the Baxter he actually is, the Baxter his parents expect him to be, and the Baxter he's trying to build up for himself to be someone he thinks can make those he cares for happy, all things that he tries to deal with himself as if that's at all manageable or healthy for him.

To the surprise of no one, things still aren't perfect. Without a trust that his friends like him simply because they like him, he doesn't realize - or refuses to contend with - the truth of the situation, and the age gap between them starts causing difficulties.

"I was older than all of them. As sheltered as I was, I got along better with kids not quite my own age. Immature as always, hm? "Life changed fast then, and the years between us became more noticeable with every day. I never reached a point where I felt like I knew what I was doing before suddenly, it was as if I didn't belong with them anymore. "That they didn't have time to keep me around with the differences in our schedules and priorities. And I accepted that. So, the friendships ended. We stopped talking as young teens, and I haven't even seen them since I left for college in 2015. "I thought they mattered to me, but when have I done anything for them? Why did I deserve to be liked and included when all I did was want that to happen and abandon them when it didn't?"

Now we're getting closer to the white-and-black-haired Baxter we know as, at the time he leaves Golden Grove, he's just one year away from his visit to Sunset Bird and simultaneously no closer to knowing what he's doing. He's broken off from his old, cherished, and only significant friend group, and now he's all the way on the other side of the country in Virginia by himself.

He's still chaotic, still kindhearted, yet has no clue that he deserves to have the kind of companionship he longs for. In the year of him being at college, he fails to make those kinds of connections, whether intentionally or otherwise.

"Instead, you could say I don't have many friends. I spend the majority of my time on my own, though I do attend parties and other gatherings when I am able. "I do not have anything quite similar waiting for me there. Don't feel bad about that. "It is only to be expected. I did move across the country. It is a fairly common phenomenon for those of us who do. I'm a regular fish out of water, if you will."

"It hasn't been easy to find anyone to reminisce with, not for a while. But then again, I only developed a sentimentality once I'd gone off to college. "I was too young and proud for that sort of matter before then. There wasn't anything in my life to harbor much sentimentality for. I suppose leaving was the catalyst. Isn't it always? "But once that part of my mind had developed, there wasn't anyone around to share the emotions with. My classmates and I… we don't have that kind of relationship."

His parents are also just as controlling as ever, only allowing him to enjoy his semester off from college under their rules and in a place they personally chose and are comfortable with. Baxter, who had no interest in going home to Golden Grove and thus agrees to the terms, can only make himself comfortable by finding his own ways of having fun, such as renting a car despite being underage.

"At a minimum, I can honestly say that I wish that I missed it, if that makes sense. I don't know how you feel about your hometown particularly, but you should at least be able to appreciate that I spent all of my youth there. "I'm not so jaded as to totally discount the place, far from it. But anything I liked about my home wasn't exactly exclusive to that locale. The US is a big country, and there are plenty of beautiful things to see wherever you go. "I've experienced enough to know that much, at least. So no, I don't miss it. And I won't be going back. "If my parents wish to see me, they'll have to be the ones visiting where I am.

"Mother and Father agreed to me vacationing on my own, but under the condition that they would have the choice of where I stayed. "California being fairly close by, and Sunset Bird being so quaint, not to mention our prior excursions to the area, they concluded that this was the easiest way to keep me out of trouble."

Basically, it's all going back to his line about expecting him to behave as an adult whilst treating him like a child. He's permitted to vacation by himself but only in a town as "boring" as Sunset Bird where there would naturally be very few teenagers around his age. His streak for being a bit of a rebel reflects that.

What he doesn't expect is to meet a new group of people and the MC in particular, who unintentionally challenges his negative view on himself.

Step 3

From the very beginning, Baxter takes immediate interest in the MC and Cove, wanting to make one of those "blissful, temporary relationships" that will last the summer. Already, we have something of note, which is the 50/50 success rate he ended up having: MC and Terry were all for the absurdly friendly monochrome man that swooped into town, whereas Cove and Miranda were more hesitant (and thus didn't spend as much time with him) because his directness tended to put them off.

"I care a great deal about what I say and that it makes the correct impression. Yet I am not always successful. My approach is off, really."

"Now, this may be a complete shock to you, but… I've been told that I can come across as a bit too forward. I know. It can be hard to believe. My intent is to be open with people so we can connect. It almost never works out that way, though. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I don't possess a knack for making friends. "It was obnoxiously easy when I was a child. Especially due to that aforementioned big, cool house. But now I keep finding myself at a loss for how to do it. With the hit-or-miss endeavor, the vast majority of the time I come up with a miss."

"And I've never been in a stable, long-term relationship. They've all been brief, and varying levels of disastrous."

Put more simply, Baxter knows what he wants but doesn't understand what people want out of him (believing more that they don't want him at all). On some level, he's flying blind and simply does what he can to put his best foot forward, not wanting to miss opportunities when they present themselves to him. He's someone who likes seeing people thrive and enjoy themselves, and it's even better if he knows that he caused it.

"I live for approval."

Thus, as the "perfect summer tourist" who wants to vacation and have a fun time with those that he can, he seeks to do everything possible to make it memorable. That doesn't mean that he goes out of his way to do things he doesn't want to or portray himself as this person who doesn't even resemble who he actually is, but he puts on an air of not having any flaws that would cause him to be any form of burden to others.

This is even excluding the parallel of a group of four friends that he's involved with yet feels distant from or like he doesn't belong in at the same time; history repeating itself and what not, though in his case it's more like a self-fulfilling prophecy, emphasized by the possibility of him asking the MC out on a summer fling.

"I don't care about what label you'd choose to put to it. I could be your boyfriend, or nothing at all. "And you can also change your mind without consequence, if you find out it's not what you imagined further down the line."

Baxter gives the MC every out he can to make things as convenient as possible for them, not only so that the relationship isn't serious and they don't have to worry about it, but so they can break it off whenever they wish. He knows full well that even the person he's presenting himself as won't please everyone and sets everything up so he can almost anticipate the ending if the MC gets bored with him because he fails to impress.

He's interested in them, attracted to them, and feels that he'll enjoy their company, but he only thinks he can do the same on the short-term; that small amount of time where people are still learning about one another where little else is hoped for beyond good things.

Another way of looking at it is based on Baxter's view of control.

"It might not surprise you to know that I can be a touch… particular. I know the importance of coherence, with individuals acting in a well-coordinated fashion. And I like things to function well-for systems to operate smoothly. "I confess, you could call me controlling, at times. Not with people, but with processes. Especially when it comes to enacting plans. I'd much rather act under my own steam than follow someone else's lead. "I'm only flexible with the personal, not the business, aspects of life."

His relationship with the MC is, on some level, a process. It's something for him to carefully plan out and calculate to make it the best he can for them. Getting more personal would involve him revealing the parts of himself that he finds distasteful and believes the MC will as well.

Of course, he doesn't anticipate growing attached to them, which brings in the "risk versus reward" aspect. This can be seen when Baxter initially agrees to have drinks with the MC in the morning that he hates so much, where the safe option would be to simply postpone until another day, except he wants to spend time with them as soon as possible.

In that respect, it's not unlike him struggling to decide on the type of ice cream he'd like.

"My problem is this: I'm unsure if I should get a dessert that's to my usual taste. If I do, I'd be certain to enjoy what comes from the ice cream truck. That would be nice. "But, on the other hand, this may happen only once. Perhaps it'd be more rewarding to get something new, an option that would be challenging to find in a common store. "Which will add more to the experience? Indulgence or novelty? I want to make the right choice."

However, his risks don't end up panning out well in his mind because he's unable to get past something so minor as forgetting his wallet, when all he and the MC had planned to do was have a nice time at a cafe in Drinks. In his mind, the Baxter he's trying to present had failed, and what else can he do at that point (under his perceived logic) but do what he remembers worked from childhood?

"It's a question of knowing the right people who know the right people. We could have even had full backstage access with the main cast if I'd asked. "I do try not to lean on that kind of thing too much, if you can believe me. I appreciate it might not look like it now. You could say it's a means for me to preserve my sense of independence. It's easy to be popular if you can foot the bill, and I don't want that to be what draws others to me. "But after all that, here I am, leaning on the same old crutch. Nothing has changed since I was six."

"I suppose that was part of the issue. I didn't consider myself appealing enough as a person to be worth the time. So, I wanted the support of an exciting or interesting backdrop for meetups. "But… it shouldn't matter that much where you are if you enjoy who you're with."

Baxter expects perfection out of himself in the same way that his parents expected things out of him, and the limitations follow accordingly. He wants little more than the MC's presence and it is up to him to "repay them" for it. When he was a child, he was the one everyone else had to impress, and now it's the other way around: he has to impress those he wants to be around.

Except he's only human, and aiming to be the perfect person for the MC all summer simply isn't feasible, which he takes with every ounce of criticism one can imagine.

"This whole situation… it's asinine. I haven't known you long enough to be causing this kind of trouble. I'm quite literally a stranger. And I won't even be here long enough for that to change. As welcoming as you all are here, that can't be forgotten. "This was-I was-only ever supposed to be a part of the fun. A worthwhile piece of summer scenery. Someone who added to the experience, not held it back. You shouldn't have to baby me! To sit there and spend your time making me feel better when I don't keep it together. "The mess I am in the mornings, the drama I cause in the evenings: the person I am when the show is over. Those aspects shouldn't be any of your concern. I don't provide that support to you, do I? And how could I when I don't know you? "No. It's not fair to make you worried or, worse, guilty over what happens to me. What matters is that when we're together it's for the pleasant parts of existence. The less ideal shades of life can be managed separately. "That's all I wanted."

Two things to note as well is that he'll say all of the same dialog even if he and the MC have experienced Hang or Planning (where Baxter can comfort them), and there's a dialog path in Sightseeing (i.e: the moment most players will play first) where he'll openly say that he hopes they count for "more than strangers."

(He's additionally rejected the idea that he knows the MC despite relishing every given opportunity to listen to the MC babble about even the most mundane things.)

So not only will he deny to himself that comforting the MC was worth enough to count (or unintentionally block it from his mind), but when it comes to things becoming more personal, suddenly he's "just a stranger/near-stranger." The MC can be comforted when they need it but not him, and he's just some nobody tourist when it comes time to put any value on himself...

whether that be the simple things like driving everyone around, to the stuff that takes effort to notice like him seeing that the MC wanted to ride in the passenger seat, to the more complex like literally saving Miranda's entire birthday party.

"I couldn't have devised a more pleasant way to spend my time here, even if I tried. And to be frank, I have tried. I didn't come to Sunset Bird totally devoid of any plans or ideas. "You and your friends have invited me to participate in an event with great significance to you. It's a profound gesture to show to a relative stranger. "When it's over, and I'm long gone from here, I hope you can all look back on this party for years to come-maybe for the rest of your lives-and treasure the memory. "And if I am a part of that memory, then that is satisfaction enough. Though perhaps I'm in danger of giving my contribution too much credit."

A hypocrite (I say this affectionately, I swear) of the highest order; there are rules for himself and no other rules for everybody else. The things he does are never enough whereas everyone else does plenty by simply existing and giving him the time of day.

Leaving the way he does with no contact and little hope of seeing each other again is the inevitable result of the process he'd put together for his time with the MC and his summer at Sunset Bird. From the beginning, he's had a time frame to keep to, an intent to not get attached, an expectation that no one would get attached to him, and an idea that he would leave as little more than a memory.

"Only lately it's been different. Incredibly different. I almost worry my luck won't last. It will all be over soon. "I wish… I could stay."

Except he does get attached, just as the MC gets attached to him (in what he can admit in Step 4 is the most stable relationship he's ever been in), and now all the control he feels he had goes out the window. That's why he has the potential to get upset if the MC keeps pushing his buttons by questioning him.

"I would've preferred it to have been an enjoyable time having my company while I happened to be here, that was the intention. It seems I've ruined that on the whole. I accept the blame for that. If I had behaved better this wouldn't have come to a close on such an abhorrent note. "However, I am not an irreplaceable part of your life. I was a tourist, a novelty. And now I'm not even that. So don't bother with this."

To him, everything is so obvious: he got "lucky" getting to hang out with his Golden Grove friends, who were simply so nice that they continued bothering with him at all despite his flaws. Considering how that ended, he expected the same where no one would bat an eye if he left.

The MC trying to hang onto what they have isn't a sign that he had done anything right, but that the MC is being their sweet, considerate self in thinking about him. He's had at least five years of criticizing himself, of trying to make people happy yet downplaying it when he does, that everything the MC says goes in one ear and out the other.

"I heard you then and each reasonable suggestion to salvage the situation, but I brushed you off as if you were the one being dramatic. Or that you were lying."

At some point between having his Golden Grove friend group to now, his priorities had changed. He'd given up on having true value to people and instead focuses on creating moments (an appropriate word to use given how the game works) with them. It's a natural progression from not believing he's important to not believing he could ever possibly be.

Even basic traits he does have that one will likely see as something to adore, he won't attribute to himself.

"Now, I do admit, though, that isn't what one might call a grand love story. It's simplicity itself. "I'm not the most romantic or sentimental person in the world. I know that can be at odds with my formality, yet it's the way I am."

He'll say he's not romantic nor sentimental while being one of the most romantic and sentimental people in the game, so either he's unaware of it or refuses to associate positive words like those with himself. On the flip side, he can falsely associate others with credit for things they've done without acknowledging the finer details that might negate his point.

For example, in the Wedding DLC, Baxter gives so much credit to Cove for "staying" and "trying" without understanding that Cove didn't have a choice on whether to stay or leave the MC initially due to still being a child (who absolutely would have left and in fact did try to leave in the Step 1 DLC). He's also one of the few characters who doesn't consider Cove "clingy," probably because he's just as clingy if not more so.

By unknowingly projecting his self-hatred onto the MC's view of him, he's come to the idea that the MC has already gotten as much out of the relationship with him as possible without things completely falling apart, and daring to want anything further is his own self-interest/ego getting to him.

It's even to the point of deciding that everything is his fault if the MC kissed him in Planning when they weren't dating.

"I must apologize for that. I shouldn't have done it. Even at the time I knew I shouldn't have. That was a bad idea. One that only managed to complicate our relationship further. "I shouldn't have involved you in more of my selfishness."

So his conclusion in the Step 3 ending is that he's lost no matter what and genuinely cannot comprehend the idea that he had done anything right for the MC to want to stay in contact with him.

If the MC contently accepts separating from him, then that proves to him that he isn't someone worth sticking around for. If they instead get upset or want to stay in touch, then he has somehow done something wrong in the way he went about things and presented himself. It all goes back to being a scenario he's set himself up not to win.

"In short, what I'm saying is that I'm a fraud in all regards. You can't take any of it seriously, including what color my hair is."

"I don't deserve to have that kind of relationship with another person. That's why. I don't contribute anything. "Maybe I can impress others for a time, but how do you go beyond that? I can't say what it means to be significant as a person, to be irreplaceable. "And since I don't have the answer, I certainly wasn't going to assume I'd do it by accident. What does it take to add value to someone simply just by being there? I tried, but I never knew. "In my eyes there's a world of humans living freely among one another, while every connection I create is so fragile. If I make the wrong step I might hurt them, or be hurt myself, and if it's strained at all it will break entirely."

The sad part of it is that it makes sense, in a way. The things he did for the MC - baring perhaps that damned chocolate fountain - were almost effortless to him. He wanted to do them, so why would he think he did anything special?

One of the very few times he's willing to talk in any way bad about another is only if the MC uses Jude and Scott's relationship as a reason for why they could keep in touch. That's when his cynical side comes out.

"Of course, my rather reasonable prediction is that it will not last. Most relationships don't."

As things were that summer, Baxter viewed the MC as someone he would love to know, but not someone who wanted to know him because he doesn't think he's likable; that the slightest inconvenience to them - to anyone - would make him not worth keeping in touch with any longer. The MC also has friends who have been around longer than him, and he's never considered that he could have any role amongst them.

Tempting fate was never his intention, yet that's exactly what he does in believing they'll never meet again, drawn together as if the longing makes them magnetic to each other.

Step 4

As is standard with the inevitable passage of time and growing older, Baxter is slowly finding himself and improving as a person over the five years that he and the MC are apart. Some things change and others stay the same, whether for better or worse.

Though, any positives aren't particularly noteworthy to Baxter himself.

"I can say that I've improved some talents over the years and found a less eye-catching sense of style, but for anything meaningful there's been no growth."

Due to his self-worth issues, he never thinks what he does is good enough and is wholly focused on where he's yet to improve upon, even though he is fully aware about the parts of himself he has worked on.

"You don't need to worry. I'm not quite as sensitive as I used to be about mistakes. I will survive this, pride as wounded as it may be from these trials and tribulations."

"Part of the tragedy of adult life is learning to roll with the punches, so to speak. I suppose I should be proud of the fact that I can at least handle it much better than when I was younger. "Thinking about what kind of panic a younger Baxter would have been thrown into at the prospect of a missing shirt on an important day-"

Under that lens, it doesn't matter what he does or how he deals with the issues he feels are a burden to himself and/or others; there's always an asterisk - that he's attached to them - to act as a "yes, but..."

"I'm fortunate that thanks to my upbringing I happen to be well acquainted with formality and what it takes to authentically achieve it for an event. It's a unique kind of direct experience to wield. "Additionally, I deal well with the high level of control and detail-work one must take in a stressful event. "When it comes to work, I absolutely can make decisions. It's only in my personal life where I lack conviction. "And that's most suited in bursts with different people rather than a long-term position in a consistent group. You can easily get sick of someone who needs everything to be 'just so'."

Similar to the weddings he involves himself with as he graduates and gets a career as a wedding planner, there is an ideal final product to work towards, but one he could never conceivably be happy with because he's already starting from a place of seeing himself as someone worthless as an individual. It shapes said final product into something entirely unrealistic, never mind completely unachievable.

As for figuring out a life for himself, that goes hand-in-hand with where he ultimately chooses as his first place to live: Prism Vista City, which Mr. "Definitely Not Sentimental" ends up getting attached to.

"This, ahem, particular location was intended to be only a starting point. I was coming from the complete other side of the country, and I at least knew I enjoyed the area. "I expected to relocate once I had my bearings. It wasn't my intention to linger where I might not be welcomed. "But who could've guessed it was harder to pack up and leave everything behind once you had silly things such as an 'actual apartment in your own name' and a 'real career' tying you down? "Weeks passed, then months, and then, perhaps inevitably, I came face to face with one of the reasons I developed such a positive outlook on this state to begin with. "You know, it never ceases to amaze me. California is directly beside Oregon. I could practically walk there if I was industrious, and stupid, enough. "Despite that, being here is a wholly different experience than what I had being raised in the neighboring state. "Sometimes it seems as if I'm still a tourist. That I don't belong here, and everyone who passes by can smell the otherness on me. "Other days, I have the confidence to think I've found my own place in the world…"

That's one thing that never changes about Baxter in virtually all of his life: the desire to simply belong somewhere. What does change is how he approaches that want.

He wanted to belong with his Golden Grove friends, but fell out with them due to the circumstances and chalked it up to a failure on his part. When he wanted to belong with his Sunset Bird ones, he'd already decided himself that it would never happen to save him from any potential disappointment, and that simply being there for a summer would be enough.

In adulthood, he's given up on such things entirely. No more friends, no more flings, and even his most consistent contact - his parents - have been cut out of his life (though in the latter case, it's for the better).

"What happened, I do exactly… that to everyone who unfortunately crosses my path. "The acquaintances I made at college, dancing partners, the friends I had since childhood; my parents, though, that is an entirely different story. "The point of the matter is, excluding those I interact with regularly due to work, I have no relations whatsoever. That's simply the way it goes."

"To start, I haven't spoken to my parents in, mm, a few years now. That's what I meant when I included them in the list of relationships I haven't maintained. "Don't worry. It isn't a painful topic for me, exactly. Mostly I find it… disappointing. Frustrating? Certainly awkward. "Before I cause too much concern, they've never done anything to intentionally hurt me; my parents have always cared for my well-being. "And I can't deny how much they have done for me - all the opportunities and advantages I had because they provided them. They gave me the best they knew how and- "This is not as nuanced as I might be making it sound. "What a novelty it would be if I could speak favorably of my own family. Can you imagine? "That's not the case, however. "What I am trying to say is that my parents are, on the whole, good to me. And they do love me as their child whom they raised for nearly two decades. "Just as I still feel compelled to give them credit for the minimum, I'm certain they're telling their acquaintances endless excuses for why I'm so distant and unagreeable with them. "They haven't given up on me, in their own way. "But all that does not make them good people. "I can assure you that because they are not good people. I'm merely a rare exception to the unpleasantness. "My parents are selfish- they're sheltered. Even as adults."

"Imagining myself as not their son and not someone they loved seemed meaningless at the time. They did love me and that's what mattered. "Of course, it's not always enough, is it? "If I wasn't theirs, either through birth or adoption, if I was someone else's son, they… would hate me. "I know I'm foolish, on many counts. It took me a long time to realize that them being hypocritical shouldn't reassure me the way it did. "Baxter Ward could have as many 'shortcomings' or 'problems' as he did and it'd be fine because it was 'different' in that case. There were reasons, can't you see? "But they couldn't see that other people deserved the same kind of understanding. "And that some things weren't 'problems' in the first place…"

The true tragedy of it being that it's heavily implied that Baxter's parents did attempt to teach him or at least act in a way that would lead him towards a life without any meaningful relationships, which is what he got when he became an adult but not ever what he truly wanted.

"And their nonsense priorities and concerns are what my parents expected from me! "How ironic that I can finally see the silver lining of my lifelong struggles thanks to them. "If I never realized how poor my connections were, or if I never cared that my relationships were nothing more than associations based on conveniences, maybe I'd have been who they wanted."

Arguably, Baxter is at the most "successful" place in his life: he might not be rich anymore, but he's making his own money with a job that suits him, he has a nice apartment, and he's living comfortably.

Except he's not happy, and convinces himself that it's as good as he's ever going to get. It's both the highest and lowest point of his life.

"Of course, I wouldn't be able to understand the viewpoint of someone willing to commit themselves to another person for the rest of their life. "It's what makes for a good planner. I can get invested just enough in the premise to truly create something special, but I'm not attached to the real relationship. "And I'm not disappointed when it's over. "It's been years since I was careless enough to be hurt by anything. "I'd given up on trying for more than what I already had. Then I told others, and myself, that meant I was always content. But honestly, it made me bitter. "I didn't become the person I wanted to be. I didn't achieve the kind of life I'd hoped for."

He couldn't even maintain his relationship with dance, something he'd adored since he was young and now limits to lessons given to wedding couples.

"In a way, I fell out of love with that passion. "It became tedious and unsatisfying to do it with complete strangers, and I didn't have enough hours in a day to dedicate to a long-term competitive partner any longer. "But perhaps I should've tried harder not to give it up entirely. "How embarrassing… even my choice of hobby revolved around having a serious and understanding relationship with someone else. "The precise matter I've had a lifelong struggle to obtain."

As for the MC, Baxter misses them desperately, but goes about his life as though he doesn't. He's committed to viewing himself as someone who doesn't deserve them and that what he did was the right thing to do.

It would seemingly be "easy" then to let go of anything that reminds him of them, in hopes of either limiting the times that he finds himself thinking back to those moments or steering himself towards moving on, but he can't.

The MC's souvenir (if they gave him one)...

"I am fond of it even now. I've never been able to part with it. But isn't that what souvenirs are for? Keeping for the long term? "I'm being entirely reasonable for holding onto that after thoroughly leaving everything in Sunset Bird behind."

Their number...

"I had your number all along. "Of course, I never looked at it over the years we were apart, but didn't have it in me to delete it either."

Even the khaki shirt he wore during Mountain (if he and the MC were dating at the time and they invited him up to their room)...

"It remains my stolen property to this day."

He keeps all of them, unable to let go of the feelings the MC caused within himself but locking them deep inside rather than addressing them. He has the very method for contacting the MC at any time to reconnect, to explain himself, to apologize, to confirm or reject his own doubts over what happened, but he doesn't out of fear.

"I said it before- my concern was protecting my own feelings. Anything I did to that end felt justified. "The more time and experience let me reflect on my actions, I only became more convinced I should stick to my word and not trouble you further."

"I've also missed you over those five years. "And Terry and Miranda and Cove and that summer in Sunset Bird, but mostly, it was you who I thought of. "During that trip, I did feel wanted. "You made me feel wanted. And… important. "It was exciting and amazing, and felt impossible it could last. The shine would wear off eventually, as always. I didn't want to see it happen. "What if I seemed pathetic for being attached to people I met on a short vacation? You had your real group of friends who lived with you there already. "Or what if you stopped responding to me after realizing I wasn't that interesting? Or why would I have even assumed there'd be a reason to talk to me at all once it was no longer convenient? "I'm aware that's not a kind way to view you, but it wasn't that you'd done something to make me believe it would happen. It's my viewpoint for every situation."

Baxter never once thinks that the MC is a bad person, simply that he is the problem and even the best of people will "understandably" lose interest in him if there's any interest to begin with. As someone who likes control and has been conditioned to stray away from more personal relationships, it's advantageous to him to remain in his self-sabotaging mindset.

It's what he's used to.

"I can't afford to flitter off on vacations whenever the mood strikes the way my parents can, but I have a very comfortable existence. "It's nice, if lonely. "Of course, let's not pretend I have anyone to blame for that other than myself. I ended every relationship I had with my own actions. "It's the story of my life. I want to be liked, but I don't want to be important. "A suitor for a season, the planner at a wedding- it's that kind of role I'm comfortable in. "Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to people who are wanted by everyone else. They don't need me. I can be someone, I can't be 'the one'."

So when his Step 4 begins and the MC unexpectedly shows up back in his life, five years after Baxter expressed confidence that they would never meet again, he can barely handle it. Without his say so, he's being confronted with feelings that haven't faded, and ones he already thinks are ridiculous of him to have considering how short of a time he'd known the MC.

The best he can think to do is to put on an air of professionalism and brush the rest off. He'd already left, not contacted the MC for so long, and had remained determined to never see them again, so he doubles down on it.

"I'm merely an employee of your friends. Please feel free to ignore me entirely."

However, it's not tenable, because Baxter has never been someone with the impulse control to keep him in check. Even in the few days he knows that the MC will be around and then leave afterwards, holding himself back from doing what he wants isn't something he can keep up for that long.

In front of people like Jude and Scott who he doesn't know, it's at least easier, but around someone like Xavier who he has some form of friendlier relationship with (only a day after he'd conveyed to himself and the others that he's nothing more than the wedding planner), he's already dropping stories about the past.

"As soon as it comes to you it appears my reason goes out the window. Along with much of my dignity. "But that is how it is."

"Enjoying myself in your presence is the most natural thing in the world. Frustratingly so, at times. I find myself letting go of more than I intended to."

It's also not that Baxter doesn't want to talk to the MC because, if the MC tries to get him to talk during the ride back from the bakery, he deliberately makes it a game of rock-paper-scissors that they'd be guaranteed to win if they wanted to. He could've shut them down entirely if he didn't care, but he finds a middle ground of technically not agreeing outright while still letting the MC talk to him.

"The petty types of decisions that were best suited to be decided with randomness mattered little to me. "It was far more amusing to see who would use the advantage they had to win and who would be willing to take the loss, and why they seemed to do so. "At the bare minimum I'm not that much of a brat any longer. "As an adult, I use it mainly to get away with not making decisions of my own. Whoever is playing with me has the responsibility to win or lose because what they're up against is preordained. "I don't even need to choose which symbol my hand takes. It's easier that way."

Not that it means he's alright with it either. Baxter is already under the stress of planning a wedding in a matter of days and now has to deal with seeing the MC again, sometimes one-on-one. He doesn't want to be cruel to them, doesn't want things to be so difficult, nor did he want the MC to be "forced" to go with him to the bakery (on a suggestion he couldn't have known would lead to it), but that's what ends up happening.

"I'm not any less immature than I was five years ago, it seems. I've been incredibly rude to you, and that is inexcusable. "You're not unwelcome near me. Of course not. "However, I'm here to plan Jude and Scott's wedding. My priority is that only, and I don't want to get caught up in anything else. "There's no need to reminisce. I hope that's not insulting, it's honestly not meant to be a strike against your character. "You are a lovely person and have many wonderful friends. You don't need me to be an active part of your life."

"I apologize for what happened between us, I honestly do regret it. "I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I was unable to keep my word and have bothered you yet again. "I'm thoroughly humiliated and have attempted to get in your way as little as possible. Though I'm unable to quit outright; I couldn't do that to Jude and Scott. "We are both aware that I am fully incapable of making you happy. But in four days you'll return to your life blissfully free of my presence in it. "Please tell me, what can I do for you? I simply don't know…"

It feels terrible for him, but this is the cycle he's gotten himself into: wanting to stick to what he'd done in Step 3 under the belief that the MC would be better off without him, feeling nostalgic for the past to the point where it ends up coming out, behaving distantly as a result and hating himself for it, then apologizing just to do it all over again because he's constantly going against what he actually wants.

"Every time I'm arrogant enough to believe I know what I'm doing and that I'm in control- I don't and I'm not."

"From the moment you walked into that restaurant, my actions were nothing but self-preservation and damage control and, occasionally, reminiscing to an extent I was pleased with. "Yes, I had a 'professional commitment' not to let personal matters impede the work that needed to be done, but my distancing went far beyond that. "In the end, I was using their marriage as an excuse. "If not for that, then there would have been something else. Some trivial reason for keeping you at arm's length. That likely doesn't shock you."

Baxter is essentially shielding his heart from the very thing that would protect him from his own attacks on it. He goes so far that he considers texting the MC directly to be overstepping boundaries (even if it's for work), all after continuing to let go the most whenever he's reminded of times with the MC.

He's aware that he's attached and readily admits as much when it comes time to.

"Even I can admit I wouldn't do this for every client. "And somehow, that makes this worse. It's painfully obvious I have some personal investment, enough to merit this. "More than I intended to be. More than I ought to have. "I wouldn't have done this if you weren't here… "Even though Miranda was the client's sister- "I wouldn't have offered. It'd be overreaching, to do as much as I have. "I've gone beyond the line of pure professionalism more than once already. The cake is the icing on top."

"Well, naturally, it's against my better judgment to make anyone uncomfortable. "Of course, in such a tight spot Jude wouldn't have questioned any help he was offered. "But what would Miranda have thought? And Terry as well? If some strange man they knew long ago was getting that personally involved in their situation? "I wouldn't have crossed that line, no matter how much sympathy I had for Jude's position. "So, where did my confidence come from? Very simply- I thought you would understand. "That I had good intentions, that the odd lengths I went to was merely how I am, that it was okay to let me be involved. And if you did understand, everyone else would as well."

Deep down, he knows that he is not a stranger; that he knows the MC and trusts them on a level deeper than he thought possible before meeting them. The MC brings out the best in him while simultaneously revealing the most vulnerable parts of himself to himself, which gives him all forms of conflicting emotions.

"I… "It's odd, really. I'm the one who left. "And yet I haven't stopped seeing you as someone important to me. Important in my life. "It truly does seem as though everything I did was for no reason at all."

"It's been hard not to feel nostalgic, this past week. We've had quite a stroll down memory lane. Sometimes by happenstance, sometimes because I went out of my way to do so. "I have… fond memories of those days in Sunset Bird. Treasured memories. "Like most treasures, they're things to be taken out and admired from time to time, and then put away again. "Though, some are too delicate for even that. They should never be touched. "This evening is a reprise of something I never wished to relive."

To put it in another way, though Baxter cherishes the time he spent with the MC, anything that brings him back to such times confront him with everything he's tried to avoid.

Yearning for the things he'd tried to put behind him, the what ifs of things going differently, and the doubts of all he's done thus far based on his own conclusions...

"Back then, during my tourist phase, we took that brief trip to the mountains. On a hike, we passed a tree that had fallen across a stream. "If you can picture that, it was as if we were on opposite sides, and I couldn't take the path to you because it looked risky."

Not unlike his fear of the ocean, Baxter's biggest hurdle is that final step past the point of no return: taking the plunge and trusting in his ability to survive.

"It seems endlessly deep and unpredictable, with powerful waves and rapid currents. "And there are creatures lurking in there. Some of them are larger than me. It's unfathomable. You don't play with something like that. "If I enter that water, I'll never return from it. The ocean will swallow me whole. That's what I think."

It's only by the end of the wedding reception that he finally crosses that line and has the epiphany necessary to deal with everything that had happened: the opening of the oven to check the result of a baked cake rather than leaving it a mystery, the flick of the switch to look at a room he'd always kept in darkness prior, and the throwing of himself into deep water and realizing he can still breathe.

"In the past, I spent every moment around other people thinking of the limited span of our acquaintance. As if I wasn't seeing them at all, only the imminent departure. "Our arrangements fell in line with that. A clear timeframe, limited from the outset; predetermined rules set in stone. "It was that way five years ago. It was that way now. "We'd cooperate for a short period in service of Scott and Jude's wedding, and that would be that. I've said as much myself. More than once. "The problem is, as I only recently realized… "I forgot about that. "You see, I thought, completely and earnestly, that I didn't need to speak with you now, here, when I was feeling so… sensitive. "We could simply pick up where we left off later tonight or tomorrow. The fact that we no longer had a 'reason' to interact didn't come up as part of the consideration."

When he wasn't the one setting the rules, when he was the one caught off guard by someone he cared so much about reappearing into his life, when he was forced back into reliving past regrets and under the pressure of facing them all over again when their second/third time together was over, that ended up being when he found what he needed to talk to the MC. That was when he finally had to listen to what his heart was saying rather than constantly denying himself.

Perhaps even most importantly, that was when he had to face the fact that what he did - the suffering he put himself through for five years - had achieved nothing of value, and it's only through acknowledging it that he can keep it from happening again.

"When I left five years ago, that didn't make me happy. When I kept you at arm's length after meeting again, I was unhappy still. "If it doesn't need to be that way, if I was wrong, then… I don't know, honestly. I've never considered it a viable option until moments ago."

"It had been so long since I'd known what it was like to be included, to be around people who'll refuse to let you be left out, no matter how hard you try to weasel out of it. "Terry, Miranda, and Cove were too kind, but it was your gestures specifically that are at the heart of this matter. "Here's the truth: if you didn't ask me to dance again, in the afterhours of another event we helped create like you did then, it would have broken my heart. "That would mean definitively that I lost what we had. "But… if you did ask it would be more painful. Because that would mean- "It would mean even after everything, you hadn't let me go. That you accepted me still. "That you always would have, that I should've believed that all along, that the only thing I've done was hurt you and myself of my own accord. "It's horrible. I didn't want to know one way or the other."

The uncomfortable truth, a placating lie, or the blissful void of not knowing anything at all: those were the choices he had and he finally chose the uncomfortable truth, all for the closure the MC deserves and the potential prospect of a better future if he can only make it past the obstacles he'd set up for himself.

"But I can see now that I'm also wrong for making another decision for you. Even if the conversation went disastrously, you were owed a better explanation and an apology. "You had never asked me to leave you alone, I created that fiction. "I hope you can accept that I did care for you then- I care now. Of course, as ever, none of it counts for much if it's kept entirely to oneself."

"It's… a little hard to approach what I've sowed over the years. So many mistakes. "And even now, when I hope to make things right, to make things last, I'm forced to admit that I'm ignoring the reality of the situation. "This doesn't come down to what I want at all. I don't have the right to put myself before you. I never did."

"I suppose that is the true story of my life: me not understanding a thing and getting it all wrong at every turn. "But rather than dancing around this, I'll say it directly: not trying to stay in touch with you is something I've regretted for a long time. "I will always regret the days I lost, even now that we've reconnected."

That doesn't mean everything is magically fixed, nor that he won't fall into some old habits. He has to catch himself when he automatically excludes himself from the MC's meeting with their moms, and he'll still be apologizing and criticizing himself long after the MC has forgiven him.

"You've never allowed me to wallow in my misery, except for when you had to. When I made you have to because you couldn't get a hold of me. "But when I see you, I'm reminded of what it is like to be seen. "How it feels to have someone who knows you, cares about you, has memories with you, who wants to make more memories together. "And I tried to undo that- "Twice. By keeping you as far away from me as I could."

"Unfortunately, I've yet to think of a good reason why this admission isn't another of my patently bad ideas. It isn't as though I've been thoughtful in return. "I can't stand doing anything in the morning, even if I can pretend to, for my clients. As you know, I can't afford elaborate trips these days. "My only remaining social contacts are limited to the wedding industry, not performative theatre or owners of fancy cars or the like. "I've never been a good partner, even a good friend, to anyone who has crossed my path."

"My few victories were hollow and I'm still sorry I took that out on you at the start of this."

Nevertheless, he has no desire to run away from the MC now, because he never had a desire to run in the first place. He just needed to understand that it was okay to want, and that he wasn't the worthless person he thought he was so he could stop projecting how he felt about himself onto how people feel about him.

This makes way for Baxter to experience a lot of things that most people would have long since had at that point in their lives: he gets excited simply by having a person hanging out at his house, is incredibly pleased to have someone he can be (dance) with, and he's so amazed that he can have these things in his life that he's actively eager to prove to the MC how much he'll be sticking around, to the point of being ready to visit them at the soonest time possible.

"Hallelujah. Admittedly, a part of me was convinced I wouldn't go through with it. What if you thought I had lost my mind to follow you right after we barely reestablished a connection? "But having this last day together, knowing it was the last, was the final push to pursue what I actually wanted."

His story, essentially, is about a fall from issues of self-centeredness just to pendulum swing into ones of self-worth instead. It's about balancing on a tightrope of bringing short bursts of happiness to others while trying not to let his ego take hold of him again. It's about denying himself what he wants and refusing to hear otherwise before finally recognizing that he deserves to be happy.

That's Baxter Ward.

TL;DR:

Baxter starts as an egotistical child - encouraged by his rich parents and the kids constantly impressed by his showing off - but that changes when he obtains genuine friends and learns the value of real relationships.

Realizing that he'd relied only on what his parents had to make connections with people, Baxter doubts his own worth as a person and is unable to imagine that people would feel differently about him than he feels about himself.

Baxter falls out with his friends due to the age gap and not having time for each other, coming to the conclusion that he'd not done anything for them.

Under the belief that he has no inherent long-term value, Baxter goes on flings and seeks to create fun moments with people rather than anything that would require revealing more of himself than he feels is attractive to others; this has the side effect of making him highly critical of himself over even minor mistakes.

Baxter goes to Sunset Bird meets the MC, who (along with the MC's friends) makes him feel a sense that he might actually be someone important to others, which he then actively tries to convince himself out of due to fear of risks/the unknown.

After leaving the MC on no contact, Baxter continues to miss them, but feels like he would only bother them further if he saw them again even if it were just to apologize.

Baxter ends up seeing the MC again in his Step 4 and is confronted thusly by his unfading feelings. This leads him to try and maintain the distance he'd created in an attempt to protect himself, yet he's unable to keep himself from letting loose every now and then because it goes against what his heart wants to push the MC away.

Though horrified by the idea that what he'd done in the past might have been a mistake and preferring (at the start) to go on without knowing, Baxter ultimately reflects on his actions and acknowledges to himself why he's been doing what he's been doing, and that he doesn't want to let the MC go again without laying everything on the table.

[artbyblastweave]

Hey man, love your content, and it seems you have the subject matter expertise to address a recent query of mine (spoilers ahead for some Iron Man comics just in case):

Iron Man comics aren't my favourite but I have kept up with some of the more recent runs, and alongside the way Tony Stark has been depicted outside of his own running series, the impression that I've gotten is that Marvel . . . doesn't really know what to do with him??

Far as I can tell, Stark's characterisation seems to be suffering perpetually from a sort of arrested character growth. Every comic run starring him seems to blatantly recycle story beats that revolve around his resources and especially his proprietary tech being seized by malicious actors and turned against him and assorted innocents. In the 2022 run it was Feilong's corporate takeover, in the current run it's Roxxon and AIM iirc, don't remember any other specific examples but I'm certain this and other such story beats have repeatedly reared their heads with minimal changes between runs.

Stark himself seems to perpetually be reacting to all of this with an attitude of "oh no, my tech has once again been stolen for nefarious ends, this is all on me, I must be better" only for the cycle to repeat again. He also can't seem to shake the habit of acting unilaterally without consulting anyone (except sometimes Rhodey and Pepper and even then only sometimes). The most recent run of West Coast Avengers where he attempts to rehabilitate Ultron, his attempt to arm a questionably framed Latverian rebellion in the One World Under Doom tie-in, there's a run where he acquires the Power Cosmic and gets very power-trippy all within the same issue, even the AXE stuff where they resurrect (?) a whole ass Celestial seems to cast him in a particularly unkind light as though he didn't act alone, the blueprint for the Celestial's equivalent of a nervous system (I think) was explicitly based on Stark's own biology; the Celestial itself narrates: "If I have a father, it is Tony Stark."

I get that any given character will always be fundamentally attached to certain themes that they can't ever stray too far from, because if they do then there's no point using that particular character, but it frustrates me that the way Marvel chooses to engage with Iron Man's particular themes is to have him just not learn his lessons over and over again. He's certainly not the only one suffering from this; off the top of my head whichever Hulk run came directly after Immortal Hulk seems to have barely followed up on or paid off anything that Al Ewing and co. set up. But for whatever reason out of all of them it's Iron Man who sticks out like a sore thumb to me specifically.

Any thoughts on all this? Is my analysis even critically sound? I hope it is but my knowledge of Iron Man and Marvel comics in general only extends so far; my observations are primarily from the last 2-3 years so I can't speak to what preceded that.

Your perception is absolutely correct. Iron Man flying too close to the sun and fucking up is basically the default beat, the thing that'll always be recognizably Iron Man to comic readers and moviegoers alike now that you can't spin him as an anticommunist playboy anymore; this was the backbone of the Civil War and Secret invasion arc, Johnathan Hickman's Avengers run leading into Secret Wars, and a whole bunch of stuff you just listed that I haven't been paying particularly close attention to. They've given him amnesia at least once in order to keep this cycle going. Maybe more than once.

Iron Man specifically has a couple unique storytelling problems that feed this cycle and contribute to the specific beats you've observed. First of which is that he's unique among superheroes in that a plurality of their audience are ideologically opposed to the existence of people like Tony Stark ; he's even more tightly tied to the playboy tech billionaire archetype than even Batman. This primes a lot of his contemporary storytelling to adopt an apologetic tone, and for a lot of his stories to sic him on even worse billionaires and magnates so the authors don't look like they've forgot about the negative effects of capitalism as commonly practiced.

I also think there's an argument to be made that the films specifically raised the saliency of the idea that Iron Man's Thing is getting caught in this cycle. It's not totally native to the films and the post-2007 comics seeking synergy with the films- see Demon in a Bottle and Armor Wars- but, in line with the realization that you can't make a weapons manufacturer an uncomplicated good guy in a post-GWOT post-cold war cultural context, the movies went really hard on the idea that he keeps fucking up and then overcompensating for previous fuckups in a way that generates new fuckups. The first movie is him trying to unfuck the damage he's done to the world as an arms dealer, Age of Ultron sees him produce Ultron directly and the Twins indirectly, Civil War has him back the Sokovia accords because he's projecting his own desire to be punished for the lack of oversight onto everyone else, Homecoming and Far from Home both have Spider-Man cleaning up villains generated by his business practices, and so on. They grafted on one of Hank Pym's big science-sins in order to reinforce this cycle, that's how committed they were to it.

In the movies this actually all mostly worked because there was an end to it. Not the most cohesive end, but he did die, and then there was a whole epilogue Spider-Man film wrestling with the idea that he was a complicated guy and that Peter shouldn't repeat his mistakes. Comic books don't have the luxury of a termination point; the arc can't conclude even in an unsatisfying way. They have to tread water. And if they have to tread water, best to do it in charted territory, with a type of story beat that'll be immediately recognizable to anyone just getting into the comics from the movies. Accessibility to the fabled "new reader" is an additional concern that contributes to this, with Iron Man and every other character; see also the TvTropes page on the Fleeting Demographic Rule, the gamble that they can get away with this kind of self-plagarism because the odds are good that the first time a casual reader encounters this kind of beat will be the only time they do so.

An additional element at play here, and one where I'm unsure of the long-term effects, is RDJ's departure from the movies. He's now been gone long enough that MCU Iron Man, even as late as Endgame, can be plausibly constructed as a nostalgia property. There is currently a wave of tweens who've plausibly never seen Iron Man headline in anything. This takes the pressure off of the comics to synergize with the movies, which is good on a level because some really dogshit stories happened as a result of that pressure, like Civil War 2. The flip side of that pressure is that there's nothing they specifically need the character to be doing, no A-list Hickman-headed Uberplot he has to play a key role in- I mean, he'll be there, but that'll be down to inertia. I think that lack of pressure will free up space for a new angle, but until someone comes up with that angle it might also encourage that same return to the mean.

What's going to pull him out of this is what pulls every character who ends up in this position out of it; someone genuinely invested will come along with a genuinely novel angle or approach, and their run will sell like hotcakes, become seminal, and eventually become another of the default beats that they constantly retread. After all, the first time they did a corporate takeover plot it probably hit really hard.

[ax-y10]

"I'm Just Tired"

In which- Your boyfriend looks increasingly tired and run down, and he finally breaks when he gets back from his tour.

A/n: you know that clip of young Wilbur saying "I don't thank myself for any of my accomplishments. That's why I'm not happy", this is entirely based off of an edit vid I saw of it. If any of you aren't happy, plsss dm me and I'll help you as best I can. Pls don't suffer in silence.

Chapter info: sad little pouty Wilbur, Wilbur not having faith in his abilities, kissing (cute little nose kissessssss), phone calls, exhaustion, nicknames (Wilbur from Lovejoy, sweetheart blah blah blah)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

Every call you had while he was on tour, he looked increasingly tired. Of course he was going to be tired, it was essentially a new city every night and you were going to allow that. But when he started looking exhausted, that was when your suspicion arose. He looked like he wasn't getting proper sleep, his texts were shorter, and his bandmates were messaging you asking questions. He wouldn't be losing interest, you knew him too well. But when he got back from tour, you asked him about it.

When you met him at the gate at the airport, you were almost taken aback by his appearance. He look disheveled to say the least. His hair in each and every direction, his shirt buttons buttoned wrong, his string on his sweatpants left undone, his socks mismatched, and the bags under his eyes dark and heavy.

"Hello, my little Wilbur from Lovejoy! How are you, sweetheart?" You spoke excitedly.

You were met with a strained smile, a low mumble, and arms wrapped loosely around your waist. You waved to Ash, Mark and Joe as they walked up to you, and Wilbur's loose hold on your waist tightened, desperate to get back home and lay in your arms.

You squeezed his shoulders reassuringly, letting him know you'd be home soon. You peeled him off of you and walked out to the car, him trailing behind like a lost puppy, Ash, Mark and Joe following.

It felt like the longest 45 minutes of your life driving home, telling the boys that they can stay for the night so Wilbur could stop whining, despite how adorable it was when he whined at each inconvenience. Every turn you took, Wilbur didn't bother holding himself up and let himself flop onto you. Every red light you stopped at he leaned against you and mumbled at his bandmates when they poked fun at him.

The smile on his face when you all got home and he got settled in bed was enough to warm up your entire day, even if it was a lopsided smile and a strained mumble of appreciation of a comfortable bed and his favourite person. The last thing on his mind was confrontation, so you left it for the morning when he felt better.

"Good morning sweet. How'd you sleep?" You asked, voice raspy and broken up from sleep, as you looked up at Wilbur staring at your sleepy face.

"I slept better with you here."

"Are you alright? You seem more exhausted lately?"

"Eh, I don't thank myself for any of my accomplishments. That's why I'm not happy. I don't thank myself for getting here, and being up on these stages and performing at festivals. I don't thank myself for my streaming success. I don't even thank myself for my friends and I feel horrible about it." Tears welling up and brimming his eyes, you pulled him back down to lay against you, squeezing him tightly.

"Darling, you are absolutely amazing. If you can't thank yourself, I can always assure you. And we can make sure we can fix it," a smile spread across his face and a nudge of his hand against your own was enough to tell you he loved you but wanted more sleep. You pressed a bunch of kisses along the bridge of his nose and the tip before fully relaxing.

"Alright, goodnight lovely. Get a bit more sleep and you'll feel better," You whispered and fell asleep with him.

[humornaut]

Hey, @basil-daisy here.

I just wanted to drop by because there's something that has been eating my insides for a long time and I can't get it out of my head.

I wanna talk about the scenes in Black Space, more precisely the scenes in the Church of Something, both the Sunny route and Omori route, although the Omori route one was really the one that made me think.

Have you ever thought about how the scene where Omori finally finds and "saves" Basil in the Omori route feels strangely like... A wedding?

It's not only the bridal style way Omori catches Basil. It's the way Basil lightly complains about Omori being late, the way they stop as Omori gives Basil his flower crown back and how directly after the act is interrupted by Stranger, who objects the whole "thing". A spectacle a bunch of "guests" witness.

I was always really curious about the church symbolism. For example the way Basil is stuck at the top of the church. I've tried really hard not to think about what usually is in the same place in churches because that comparison is making me die inside, even if it weirdly makes sense (Basil died for your sins U^U).

Besides that we have Sunny's interesting relationship with religion. Mainly that he probably feels insanely guilty. He feels judged by all the religious statues, moreover the snow angels, which are also one of my favourites, don't need to have the game tell us Omori feels judged by them. You feel it just by looking at their eyes.

The fact that Basil is in a church of all places is so telling too. Besides masses churches are known for holding weddings and, well, funerals. And in case of Faraway town's church is has a graveyard right behind it, where Mari lies.

I wonder if the scene in the Omori route is supposed to feel like a wedding but also double as a funeral (considering it marks the end of Stranger and his admittance of defeat that is actually a premonition of Basil's death in real life). It's one of the few scenes between routes that changes drastically and what it represents is absolutely fascinating.

What is really interesting also is that in the Sunny route the scene feels is completely different. It no longer feels like wedding. If anything it is just Basil begging for forgiveness, which does of course ties well with religion. But he's not begging for God's forgiveness, no, he's begging for his best friend's forgiveness.

I imagine this might be another way of showing us that Basil idolises Sunny as well as telling us that Basil feels really bad (what an understatement).

I also question if the Omori route scene is there to mirror the Sweetheart marriage scene somewhat, but I think I would need to dwell a bit more on that to come reach a proper conclusion.

Anyway, I hope you're having a lovely day! 💜

Wow, this is a really good ask! I'm going to break it down into a few different parts.

The Symbolism of the Church of Something

I think you are right on the money in how things go down in the Church of Something in the Omori route. The entire scene does almost play out as a wedding! Not just as a marriage to Headspace Basil, but as a final marriage to Headspace in general. After Sunny moves, whether or not he ever finds out about the fate of the real Basil, he has wholly become Omori. Stranger's objection does represent the last vestige of Sunny's mind trying to stop him from doing this; after all, saving the real Basil is the only loose end that Sunny really feels a responsibility for in a way that he can fix. He may want to see his other friends again, but he doesn't feel guilty for not doing so, because he feels he doesn't deserve it. Basil's a different story, because he knows he did Basil wrong for the selfish reason of protecting himself from his past.

To deepen the significance of this "wedding to Headspace Basil, and with it, a marriage to the concept of Headspace itself", I also want to point out that there is an implication that the end of Black Space in the Sunny route is not an end to the loop of Headspace, which won't happen until Sunny decides to shatter the light bulb on the next night. There is Stranger dialogue in the hub area that makes clear that killing the Basil that has seen the truth in Red Space is something that usually happens, and when you go there, you can find multiple of Basil's bodies littering the area. Instead, it's the Omori route that "breaks the loop of Headspace", via Stranger choosing to attack Sunny for abandoning Basil and the others.

That's not even mentioning the things that happen after this in the Omori route.

The flower crown that Headspace Basil gives to Sunny in the last Headspace Night in the Omori route provides twice as much HEART as the next best charm in that department (with those charms being the the Pretty Bow, a charm tied to Aubrey, and the Tulip Hairstick, a charm tied to Omori). The use of the word "precious" is also used in the Sunny route, in the description for Basil's Photo Album:

All three of these charms are only accessible in the Omori route, as well. The Pretty Bow item is only receivable after defeating Abbi, and is explicitly described as "too flashy for your taste".

Finally, so long as we are talking about weddings in Headspace, there is another thing that we would be remiss not to talk about. To go along with your mention of the Snow Angels (who have another interesting connection that I will go over later), the charm that you get from completing this area is the Wedding Ring.

As I've mentioned before, there are three different charms that allow the wearer to start happy, and they generally have fairly romantic connotations. First is the daisy, which both you and I understand is likely tied to Basil, but also has a romantic connotation due to the context of being a reward for assisting a character acquire a gift for their crush.

The second is one that I would also tie to Basil.

The Heart String is such an interesting little item, and the way it is tied to Basil isn't as immediately obvious as the Daisy. First off, this item is really easy to miss. You have to grab it during the chase section within Humphrey, and you can't go back to grab it afterwards to get it. There is also another item in the same area: the Blender weapon for Hero. This item immediately sets off alarm bells in my head, because smoothies (the only snacks in the list that are made in a blender) are snacks that are pretty clearly tied to Basil. Why make these two items into two of the only completely miss-able items in the game? And it doesn't evade my notice that shortly before Humphrey, where you find these charms, you have the Branch Coral, who makes another connection to Basil using the romantic image of a string.

Finally, the wedding ring is tied to Basil in another way, and that is what's going on in the area that you find it. Obviously, there is a negative association between Headspace Basil and the cold/snow, but there's also the fact that the ascent up Snowglobe Mountain is reminiscent of the leadup to the Church of Something in general, with the stairs and the snow. And regarding the Snow Angels, aside from the religious connotations behind them, there is another neat association. Take a look:

this was pointed out by someone in a discord server that I am in, and I unfortunately do not remember who at this point. Let me know if you see this and want credit!

I would argue that this similarity was intentional, as an older version of the game had White Egret Orchids looking much different, though I can't find a beta picture of Basil's house at this exact moment. These Snow Angels serve much the same purpose as Stranger in this route: being embodiments of Sunny's guilt for abandoning Basil and refusing to take responsibility for his sins. This takes place on the final night before Sunny moves, the same night that the real Basil chooses to end his own life. These are his final thoughts following Sunny into his dreams (whether you take this as literal or figurative).

One last thought on Basil in the Omori route before moving on: the Basil Rush, and how it’s the most explicit the game ever gets about how Sunny imagines his Basil's closeness.

Like, oh my goodness. The TAG photos didn't even need to exist, but they were put in anyway! And a little detail that goes unnoticed a lot, is that the hand-holding TAG photo is one in which Omori has initiated it! I think part of the tragedy of the Omori route is that it is most player's second playthrough (if they ever play it at all) and it is when the idea of Sunny and Basil having romantic feelings for each other starts being implied way heavier than before. Congrats! You got some heavy romantic subtext between the two boys. One of them is dead in the real world because you didn't save him.

Moving on!

The Religious Connotations of Headspace Basil

You didn't want to go into it very heavily, but I will: among other things, Sunny's dreamworld has turned Headspace Basil into a Christ-like figure.

Of course, there is his position in the Church of Something, but that's not all. He constantly wears a Flower Crown (crown of thorns, anyone?). In fact, Omori has to give Basil the Flower Crown back in the very first Black Space area, the Watermelon Area, seemingly as a preface for what's going to be happening with Headspace Basil throughout that portion of the game.

Look at what he says during the hide and seek game:

There's also the fact that in the Sunny route, we are looking at a game that takes place over three days and three nights after Basil disappears from Headspace, which I'm sure I don't have to point out the significance of.

This is a connotation that Sunny is making himself. Basil did not choose to take on Sunny's sins in real life, he expected that they would always be together. It was Sunny that decided to throw the responsibility of both of their sins on Basil, by choosing to forget. Basil will literally die for Sunny's sins in the real world.

Which brings us to the Flower Crown that Basil gifts to Omori after being rescued. Whether Sunny knows it or not, Basil has decided to end his own suffering in the real world. By gifting the flower crown to Omori, Headspace Basil has symbolically indicated that the situation has been reversed. Basil is no longer suffering for Sunny's sins, but Sunny is about to start suffering for Basil's. We are told numerous times throughout the game that Headspace is on its last legs. It's running out of places to hide the truth. We see Black Space leaking through almost everywhere, and the Basil Rush ends in a direct reminder of the day of the incident.

All that is to say, Headspace is seemingly going to fail, and soon. Black Space has grown too strong. If you ask me, it's only a matter of time until news of the real Basil's death has reached Sunny in the real world, and that will be the tipping point. From there on, assuming Sunny even decides to go on after that point, he will be living with the same weight that Basil did for those four years after Sunny left him, and there won't be anyone to save him.

The Sunny Route and Sweetheart's Castle

Finally, you mentioned how the scene goes in the Sunny Route. It should be noted, right after Stranger merges with the version of Basil there is the first time in the entire game that a version of Basil in Sunny's head refers to Sunny exclusively as his best friend, and from that point on, we will see that repeated in Sunny's mind. The room that Omori and Basil fall into prior to Red Space is one that we will see during the truth sequence, but it also appears in the Omori route, in a manner that we should discuss, as it ties into what you said about Sweetheart's Castle being connected. After all, the room that Omori and Basil falls into is the same room that Sweetheart's Castle turns into once you accept the Keeper of the Castle's deal, as I noted in my post about Sweetheart's Castle previously.

Sweetheart herself represents Sunny; both in his quest for presenting a perfect version of himself and his broken understanding of love, both of others and himself. Spaceboy represents the more "Omori" part of him; someone claiming to be above his emotions, but ultimately ruled by them. He even changes his name while he is in a relationship with Sweetheart. From this interpretation, we can extrapolate that their wedding in the castle is a representation of the Omori route's ending, right down to ending up on Snowglobe Mountain.

I also want to point out what happens right after this. You don't immediately just jump on down to the Lost Library. You try to leave, but right before you exit the area, you get the cutscene showing Stranger on the stage, leading you into the hole, meaning you literally need to walk down the aisle of an area explicitly designed for a wedding to follow Stranger into the Lost Library.

Whether or not you interpret Sunny and Basil as having romantic feelings for each other, this seems very symbolic of the fact that accepting and following Stranger (who I have previously described as the individual in which Basil's love of Sunny resides, be it romantic or platonic) is how you get to the truth. It's as if Sweetheart and Spaceboy's wedding represented the ending of Black Space in the Omori route, while what happens right after represents the ending of Black Space in the Sunny route. And like most of the ways Sunny remembers aspects of his history, the library is tied to Basil. Where the real Basil would provide books for Sunny to read, Stranger leads him to an entire library filled with books depicting his memories, both good and bad.

I hope you found all this interesting! I haven't really gotten the chance to talk about these things before, since I haven't really found the motivation to talk about them in their own post before! I hope you have a wonderful day as well! Time to go back to packing for my flight tomorrow!

[kibbycarrot]

Give me YOUR Saiko headcanons now!!! 😈😈😈

OMG U GOT IT!!!

Here are my epic awesome sauce Metori Saiko headcanons…

• Okay so this is basically canon but I think abt it a lot… Saiko deals with his emotions by isolating himself. He isolates himself from days to weeks on end, sometimes even not eating during those times cause he doesn’t wanna even face his chefs or servants. Saiko LOVES wallowing in his own misery for days and days, it’s really the only way he can deal with things. Of course when he comes out of his room after like a week or two of not showing his face to anyone people question it, but he straight up says it’s none of their business or lies about going on vacation somewhere.

• Saiko finds school extremely boring and mundane and doesn’t pay attention in any of his classes. He pays takahashi to do his homework for him lol… so during tests he FLUNKS them 😭 like REAL bad. He would have all F’s if he didn’t pay the teachers to change his grade.

• Connected to the last one, when the new teacher moved to their class (the creepy lookin one lol) and he didn’t accept his bribe, Saiko FREAKED out cause he’s like “how tf am I gonna pay my way to graduation now” and he tried locking in for school for the first time ever (didn’t work) (gets bored too easily)

• ALSO connected to the last one kinda, since he hates school he tries to make it as interesting as possible. That’s why he decorated his desk with diamonds! He absolutely decorated his locker SO MUCH. Probably made it gold plated. Gives him some of that sweet sweet attention

• As a kid Saiko tried to make friends but they didn’t like him. His father reminded him that there is nothing money cant buy so he offered a bunch of money to those kids and THEN they agreed to be his friend. This is how his whole thing with not believing people can like him outside his wealth started

• His favourite candy flavour ever is cherry. He makes his servants buy bags and bags of fancy sweets and makes them pick out ONLY the cherry ones and put them on a gold platter for him.

• He has both of his ears pierced but he thinks two earrings make him look too much “like a girl” (😭). He occasionally switches sides and everytime he does he secretly hopes someone points it out (nobody ever does)

• After the shows ending (basically post Saiko character development) he hung out with Saiki and the gang out of his own free will. He tried paying them after, Kuboyasu grabbed the wad of cash and smacked him across the face with it.

• When Him + Saiki and the gang go to the beach, Nendo feeds Saiko grapes cause he asks him to. Nendo usually starts playing around with it, like trying to throw the grape in Saiko’s mouth from further and further away or do trick shots. This makes Saiko annoyed as hell at first but he actually gets into it

• One of his coping mechanisms is burning 100 yen (or higher sometimes) notes. It gives him a RUSH (he only does this in private)

• Low-key closeted non binary but that’s okay.

If you can’t tell my fav thing to do ever is fleshing out characters by making stories for them and that’s what I did with Saiko lol… hope this suffices. I have more but I’m blanking like there’s no tomorrow

[emmg]

Herbarium had me biting into my knuckles and slamming my head against the headboard to keep me from screaming at how good this story is!!!! Could you share some of your favourite books? I need to binge whatever you’ve been feeding that insane mind of yours with

Stop it right now, you absolute angel, or I’m gonna have to dig a full-on ostrich hole and yeet my head into it out of pure bashful overload ohmyGAWD you saintly ray of sunshine 🥺

Herbarium is 100% inspired by Nabokov’s Laughter in the Dark, just without the murder and tragic unrequited love (lol, thank God). But seriously, prose-wise, it’s all coming from there.

My Emmrich is a morbid guy. Is that actually in character for him? Does he really sound like that in his own head? Who knows because I sure don’t. He’s just a bunch of pixels, and I’m not psychic.

That said, Laughter in the Dark isn’t the only book that’s left its grubby fingerprints all over my writing. There are a few others that have wormed their way into my “style,” if you can call whatever this is a style.

I’ll throw in a few quotes with the titles so you can see what I mean, because when I say those books are directly responsible for my writing, I’m not kidding; they practically wrote it for me.

Laughter in the Dark by Vladimir Nabokov

The very way in which she had drawn her shoulder blades together and purred when he first kissed her downy back had told him that he would get exactly what he wanted, and what he wanted was not the chill of innocence.

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share.

Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente

Oh, I will be cruel to you, Marya Morevna. It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. But you understand, don’t you? You are clever enough. I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant. When you starve I will feed you; when you are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased. For you alone I will be weak.

Henry and June by Anaïs Nin

I want to run out and kiss her fantastic beauty, kiss it and say, "You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you, I wished for your existence. You will always be part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

But would you kindly ponder this question: What would your good do if evil didn't exist, and what would the earth look like if all the shadows disappeared? After all, shadows are cast by things and people. Here is the shadow of my sword. But shadows also come from trees and living beings. Do you want to strip the earth of all trees and living things just because of your fantasy of enjoying naked light? You're stupid.

Thank you for your sweet words and for letting me yap about my favorite books 🙂‍↔️

Mwah 💋

[pardonmydelays]

what's your favourite thing about three houses - favourite song, favourite lyrics?

i think my favourite thing about three houses is that it exists and i can listen to it whenever i want (still can't believe it btw), i don't really know how to answer this question without being absolutely chaotic so here's a bunch of other things i absolutely love about it:

the way margo seibert sings "one gets in your shoe" in birch trees (actually the entire song but this one line does something to my brain because of her voice)

"when you're nursing a heartache sometimes you look back trying to find the reasons ​your life has gone off track, ​parents and grandparents, every branch along the tree ​trying to trace the tumor that ended up in me, ​and the birch trees stand like ghosts oh the birch trees stand like ghosts!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

pookie! (as someone who's deeply obsessed with dragons i just KNEW i was gonna fall in love with pookie) - every single time i hear her "pook pook pookie!" i just can't help but smile. "HELLO MISS SUSAN, I HAVE SUCH WONDERS TO SHOW YOU!!!" and "tidy tidy tidy! pook pook pook! tidy tidy pook pook pook!" and "​ooo miss susan! ​i know you'll like this! special bottles! special pook!" hello i love pookie so much oh my fUCKING GOD-

"i am a speck! i am a speck! i am a tiny tiny tiny tiny speck!!!"

"maybe that’s what i really want from a partner: you tickle me for a bit, ​i tickle you for a bit ​and then you go the fuck away" SUSAN- 😭

"AND I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW! I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T BE HAPPY BUT I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!"

the berries and the plums... "​i can’t leave yet, ​the berries and the plums, ​their harvest time has come, ​you MUST SAIL AWAY WITHOUT ME. ​and i'll come and find you both when all the work i have is done, some day... when all my troubles here are over" I AM KILLING MYSELF DAVE MALLOY I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK-

the way mia pak screams "and the house was fucking great!!!!!!!!" in the desert

"see there's this clicking in my head ​when certain things line up when like is put with like ​and there is order"

"we plank! we plank! ​until our mind goes blank!" WHAT THE FUCK ZIPPY HJBHBEKBJHJE 😭

missing... the entire song because it's fucking relatable but i especially love the "sometimes it feels like half of me is mis-sing, sometimes it feels like half of me is gone"

quarters. quarters. quarters. i've had this on a loop for fucking days before the album was released on spotify. "quarter in. ​rooooooooooooll. ​clink. ​push push push push push push. nothing falls ​nothing falls." IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN. guys. go listen to 2:02-4:02 and you will get it (no you don't need the context it's not about the lyrics it's about what happens to your brain while you listen to this part)

haze

"my heart broke ​and then the world broke ​and then my brain broke too ​and i don't know which one to blame, i just know i'm not the same, ​i've been drifting, ​drifting through the haze!!!!!!!!!!"

"LISTEN TO THE STONE, LAY YOUR HANDS UPON THE STONE, FOR THE STONE STANDS WATCH FOR A THOUSAND THOUSAND YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"but love never lasts love always leaves you in the end love never lasts love always leaves you in the end. love always leaves you and love always leaves you and love always leaves you in the end!!!!"

"either the one you that you love slips away, ​sinks into the ground ​or into the crowd... or the love in your heart falls apart, withers and wanes"

"the way she looked at me ​as her hand pressed on my knee; i won't let anyone ​feel like that again. and if i have to be ​all alone that's what i'll be ​i can shut out all this darkness and pain" WHAT THE FUCK BECKETT WHAT THE FUCK- 😭

i think love always leaves you is my favourite song at the moment

the way beckett asks "WHY AM I LIKE THIS?????" in the clochán

"I CAN MAKE A CLOCHÁN!" lmao me at any minor inconvenience (i'm gonna start using this phrase now)

"​yes beckett, shut yourself in! ​deeper and darker! the basement is mine, all mine!!" FUCK YOU SHELOB

"a house made of stone where i can't hurt anyone, ​a house made of stone ​where no one can hurt me, ​a house made of stone ​where i can't hurt anyone, a house made of stone ​where i can't get hurt!!!!!"

"​dance with the wolf, ​pin a flower to his chest, bite his lip ​and caress his neck, ​this is who you are, ​it will never go away ​so dance with your wolf" and "dance with the wolf, ​hold him close, squeeze him tight, ​let your bodies dissolve into sky, ​this is who you are, ​it will never go away" AND "​so smile and embrace your darkness, ​sing and scream in its gaping maw, ​offer him branches and blankets, hold him as he howls, ease his pain" AND AND AND "dance with the wolf, scratch his chinny chin chin, meet his eye, say his name, breathe him in, make him a plate, ​​because this is who you are, ​​it will never go away" DAVE MALLOY WE NEED TO TALK WHAT THE FUCK I AM THROWING UP I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE-

"​the three of us smiled as one... ​as we looked back at the houses we had come from, and we looked back at the people we had been, ​and then we looked forward toward whoever we were each ​about to become"

ok, i'm done.

[heyhay13]

Lightning Round QnA!

We had over 250 questions in the form and we focused on ones that were very open to anyone in the cast. So specific detail questions got left out :(

Here's a lightning round of questions to answer for y'all and my ask box is open if you have more!

Rae/Heyhay Questions

What happened to Icarus's birds?? We know Rae said he'd take care of them, but with the birds being wacked and Icarus whole memory type thing, what would happen with that.

Sherb and I talked about this a bit and landed on the birds seeking out Rae and he builds an aviary for the strange new little friends following him around. I might even write a fic for it!

Heyhay how long did the scrapbook (shown at the end) take to be made?

I worked on it for nearly a month and a half between organizing with the artists and making it myself!

How did you come up with Vaeh's Name?

It's from Fenris' sister Nevaeh!

Will you continue to cosplay the characters after this?

Absolutely!

To Rae/Hayhay: what was your favorite memory to make in the Always Remember Book?

I think probably all of the wedding details. I loved talking with my friends to plan out the details and outfits SO MUCH and a lot of the poses are based on my own wedding photos!

Are there any plot lines that you wish you could have done or explored more in depth, but couldn't due to time?

We initially had some ideas for finding a few more Telchin temples, including Project Protetus. I really like building the temple/facilities so that would have been fun!!

How did lore planning/pre stream work?

We usually plan out rough ideas for a stream in dms and then meet 30 minutes before a stream to go over everything, dry run some things like flight paths, and do sound checks!

Out of all the characters on fable smp, which one do you think you could win in a fight against?

Ven lol

Will we see other versions of the fable characters in other smp's like Bound?

You might >:3

If your character didn’t ascend, what would they be the god of? And if they did ascend, were there any other domains they could have been the god of other than the domain they got?

Rae's took FOREVER to actually land on. I was really stuck on wanting something that felt more correct than Knowledge and we tossed around a lot of ideas until landing on Wonder.

How much of the relationship constellation was planned?

Literally only Raax and Ocie's original partners (Rust, Jerry, Shawn) were planned! The others came about naturally as the lore progressed.

Did Rae ever get better at baking/cooking?

YES! At least slightly-

How old is Rae in the time period that Rye made in Rae’s epilogue

Not an exact age for Rae, but his epilogue takes place when Vaeh is roughly 4-5 years old.

The first two seasons have “names” (endstone reset and skulk reset) but what would be season three’s?

I like to think it'd be called the "Last Reset"

What is your favourite kind of fanfictions written about your character? (Tropes/themes/etc)

I'm a massive sucker for Hurt/Comfort fics-

Clarification Questions

What was that one gold aura building near the temple of creation in S1?

It was a build from Sherb's hardcore world at that time!

Why did Rae remember Icarus? I thought everyone was supposed to forget but I might’ve misunderstood

Rae remembers Icarus as a child up until when Icarus' first death would have been! Isla would also remember Icarusa as a child as well.

Was the release me book from season one written by fable?

Yes!

What is Haley? She came back from the dead but no body ever said if Midas made her come back or if she was a god.

Midas brought her back, switching her and Fable's places so he would go back into Purgatory

Why couldn’t Haley see quixis’ changes from purgatory?(and fable)

There is no record of Quixis in the Akashic Records. This is also why Icarus is missing from the records in Rae's epilogue!

General Questions

Are you guys gonna do another smp where its everyone as the same cast?

Nope, not with this exact cast at this time, but we all are on a bunch of other smps you can check out! Mer, Bound, Siege, and more!

Is there a reason behind all of the seeds you use in Minecraft? Or is it just the first biome that pops up is the new setting for the season?

We actually look really hard for a good world seed that we like. For season 3, we really wanted a good spot that the tree could be near the ocean and this seed worked out great for that!

Will we be able to have a world file of S3?

YES - it's coming soon!

[welcometololaland]

almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!

thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes

@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh

@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)

2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?

1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).

3. Which fandoms do you write for?

red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

the order of these has changed but not the identity:

Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)

Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)

The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)

(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)

Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

serious answer - Contaminated

my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.

@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).

The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.

I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

me + my unposted wips.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping things short. also, exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

we don't talk about that.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.

heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:

@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns

@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites

@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27

@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland

@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand

@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli

[hanschans]

10 PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER

Tagged by @herbirdglitter thank you so much!!! (I also did not think you knew i existed so hi!)

Last song: I'm pretty sure it was There She Goes by The La's?

Favourite colour: GREEN! or maybe red? People always say i like christmas colours

Last book: The Uncanny Gastronomic : Strange Tales of The Edible Weird. Suuucchh a cool book I love the british libraries tales of the weird collections and the stories in this are all amazing. I particularly loved To Serve Man by Damon Knight

Last Movie: Nosferatu (2024) absolutely wild movie in the most positive way ever, stuck surprisingly closely to the original especially with the slightly washed out colours and also had a bunch of very adorable rats in it

Last TV show: Detective Conan, i think? Fuels my need for detective shows and has over 1,000 episodes and is all in all just pretty good

Sweet/spicy/savoury: hmmm probably savoury? I cannot for the life of me handle spicy foods and i've never really cared for sweet (plus every kind of bread is awesome)

Relationship status: I'm single and a questioning aro sooo

Last googled thing: the lyrics to American Pie because my friend told me her mother knew all the lyrics to the entire 13 minute song (she did)

Looking forward to: it'll either be going to Japan in the Easter or going to see The Hilltop!!

Current Obsession: i simply cannot choose so currently its Haikyuu, Kaguya:Love is War, The Magnus Archives and Sherlock Holmes. I love them all so so much.

No pressure tags @lights-at-night @strangefl0wer @atleasttheyvegotstars @helloliriels @cinny13

[myreia]

AO3 Year End Roundup 2024

Thank you for the tags, @anneapocalypse & @lilbittymonster!

Tagging: I'm not sure who has done this since I'm a little late to the party, but throwing tags the way of @thevikingwoman, @roguelioness, @galadae, @galadrieljones, @astrology-bf and @syrcus! 💕

—Words posted: 133,357

—Additional Words Written: A little over 30,704 from two long fics I started but then got distracted by other things. Hopefully I will be getting back to them this year!

—Grand total of words: 164,061

—Fandoms: FFXIV

Technically Dragon Age as well, but since these were reposts of fics from 2018/2019 I deleted a few years back, I’m not going to count them.

—Works: 10 (technically 39 but anthology publishing, y’know 😂)

—Highest Kudos: Since I posted my ffxivwrite fics as an anthology, I’ll count the next highest. Desiderium was published in August and is part of my (super belated) Wolcred week series. It’s currently sitting at 39.   

—Highest Hit One-shot: Most of my fics this year were multiparts, so this one goes to Anthesis (post-Endwalker Wolcred smut wooo). It’s currently sitting at 311.

—New Things I Tried: I wrote a bunch from different character POV’s! While I always enjoy writing from Aur’s POV, it is a lot of fun to explore different viewpoints and visit different characters’ perspectives. The whole structure of my (unfinished) wolcred week series is based on doing one fic from Thancred’s POV followed by one from Aur’s. I also touched on Alisaie, Fordola, Minfilia, Ryne, Rielle, Sidurgu, Aymeric, uh… so many. I was experimenting a lot with ffxivwrites, which was fun!

I am also being more adventurous with how I am incorporating sex scenes into my work. Apparently I did not one but two strip teases, one for Aureia and one for her Azem so. Hm. Maybe they are more alike than Aureia believes lmao. Also shout-out to Thancred’s moment of disassociation in Surrogate. I think I’m just being more adventurous in my approach to sexual situations in fic.

I am also much more grounded as a primarily longfic/multipart writer. This started last year with Divergence of the Heart, but most of my previous fanfics (especially in my Dragon Age era) were one shots or one shot collections. I’m really happy flitting about with novella-length stuff, it sits in a good place for me.

—Fic I Spent the Most Time On: Desiderium, since it had a lot of different threads to pull on. I also spent a lot of time on a post-5.3 untitled ShB fic that has some of my favourite Wolcred moments in it to date, so I’m excited to return to it once I finish the series I’m currently working on.

—Fic I Spent the Least Time On Steer took no time at all, it just came and went like that. Which I suppose is the purpose of the exercise!

—Favourite Thing I Wrote A scene in the aforementioned post-5.3 untitled ShB fic which I can’t really say much about other than I am excited to share it whenever the whole fic is ready! From the published stuff:

I love Aureia and Yda’s dynamic in Castaway and Yda being the one to break through some of her walls in ARR

Aureia and Thancred’s balance between hope and concern when they first arrive in Old Sharlayan in Desiderium

the aftermath of Aureia’s red magic experiments to slow her light sickness in The Heart’s a Withered Fortress

Aureia and Sidurgu slowly growing closer and closer together, as seen from Rielle’s POV in Stable

Sally, a Rielle character study that made my heart hurt

Stamp, a Fordola character study

—Favorite Thing I Read: Eleos [General, rated Mature, 4,018 words] by @astrology-bf. It is an absolutely fascinating look at the WoL from the perspective of a Garlean soldier, and it raises many excellent questions about the nature of war, loyalty, purpose and mercy. Marius and Ifan’s conversation is such a fascinating moment, and I’ve been thinking about it since I read it on tumblr.  

—Something I Finished: Four out seven Wolcred week fics done! Maybe I’ll finish the series before the next wolcred week comes around ahahaha.

—Miscellaneous Highlights: I think ffxivwrites was a highlight for me. Since my fanfic preferences have turned towards multiparts it was nice to challenge myself to keeping things contained. I re-learned how to write one shots and I think I went in new directions I didn’t necessarily expect if I had had time to think and structure things out!

Another highlight are the two gift fics I wrote this past year which are very precious to me. Familiar Shores (WoL x Tansui) for @thevikingwoman and Seasons Passing (WoL x Y’mhitra, WoL x Aymeric, WoL x Yugiri, and WoL x Erenville) for @lilas! I adore both their WoLs, and it was so much fun writing them and exploring their relationships.

—Writing Goals for 2025: Finish the wolcred week series before June! The next three entries are all going to be some form of multipart, but I am excited for them since they explore much more than just Aureia and Thancred’s relationship, but their relationship within the context of other relationships and friendships. I am a bit nervous about what I have cooked up for Fic #6 since it is going in A Direction that may not be very popular, but it is very true to Aureia and I am excited about it nonetheless.

Other than that, I want to return to my two unfinished longfics, and then see where things take me. I have so many ideas, and I’m really enjoying fleshing out Aureia’s series and hitting all the different moments that are important to her from ARR-ENW. And I’m sure whenever I do get around to playing Dawntrail, I’ll have more ideas to add to the list!

Aaand maybe I will publish my 100th AO3 fic this year, who knows. 😈

—Final Thoughts: 2024 was such a fun year for fan fic writing. Since I write for a living, I’ve struggled for the past several years finding a balance between time for professional writing and hobby writing, and I think I finally found that balance. FFXIV is such a fun sandbox to play in, I’ll have many stories to tell and many ideas to dig into for a while.

I think sometimes I worry about not really being able to participate in the tumblr fandom properly because I'm unsubbed for an unknown amount of time (which means I’m missing out on the newest content, gposing, and everything that’s only possible with a regular sub). The nature of an MMO kind of leaves you with the feeling that you're not present if you're not continually active in game, but I don’t think this is really true. I can still do my thing and write and make stuff and be invested in the game and my character without playing regularly. There’s more than enough story for me to chew on from the stuff I have played, and with video game fandoms I enjoy taking a step back from the game and going on to play other things while I let the story and characters sit with me.

I’ve taken up digital art recently and I have some ideas for comics when I get more experience under my belt, so that’s something to look forward to, too!

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Apologies for this angsty question, but do you have any thoughts about the route where Shadowheart kills Aylin? Like, do you think amidst all the pain a thought crossed her mind where she realized she might see Isobel again? Whenever I hear the delivery of the "There it is. True death, at last" line I always sensed a sort of...dark relief that while Shar unfortunately won, at least there's a chance that someone might be waiting for her.

No apologies necessary, I'm a firm believer angst and tragedy are an important and crucial part of the story. I also think that without the possibility of all the horrible and dark outcomes for these two, the beautiful reunion and everything around it wouldn't be so incredibly impactful.

I've watched that particular animation a bunch of times and what always gets me is how Aylin smiles when facing down that spear, the one thing in this world that can actually kill her, before visibly bracing with a frown.

And then she almost walks into the spear? I read that whole bit as a proud "bravely dying on her feet" sort of thing, as close to going out on her own terms as she is getting in this dismal place. There's also the killer line she has about Shar:

Why does she fear truth more than I fear death?

Re: "true death, at last" there's two deliveries of that line depending on if you're Origin Shadowheart or not, even though the words are the exact same. So... here they are, I guess.

There it is. True death, at last. You are Shar's child after all. And I am... I am...

Daggers driven into my heart, especially at how she just barely fails to finish the "I am..." when we know how readily and gladly and with how much well-earned pride she proclaims who she is, in a kinder timeline in which she gets a chance to. I hate the low blow of her dying as "Nightsong" instead of "Dame Aylin" as much as she does.

I do also read some sort of relief in her delivery of that line, yeah. Along with the idea that while yes, this is absolutely a defeat upon this particular battlefield on Shar and Selûne's long list of them, and while foul Shar will certainly be crowing her triumph and her shadows will be capering merrily at the rise of her new Chosen, at least the "cold chapter" as she calls it is over for Aylin. Because for all her spite and proud defiance and insistence on how a century is nothing in the life of an immortal, and all of her gloriously undefeated posturing... and I mean, look at that smirk (if you're not Shar's almost-Chosen with her special spear of death):

and that goading rage:

At least a part of this very visibly is posturing, which you can see as soon as you tell Aylin you're not a Sharran and her demeanour immediately shifts. And then she looks at you with those big soulful eyes and I just clutch feebly at my chest? Because yes, to quote Isobel, Aylin is a formidable woman, but no one could survive such horrors unscathed. Every time I try to really imagine and think of the sheer scope of it and everything her imprisonment entailed, it just boggles the mind, it's so extreme. Seeing her persevere like that in that darkness, seeing her so proud and regal in her filth and rags is just... deeply, deeply impressive (and so this avenue in which it is all cut so short and we never see her beyond this is extra painful, to me).

(This all brings to mind that one regretful Dark Justiciar, one of my favourites from the collection of scattered Act 2 written material.)

But back to your ask, adding the element of "someone waiting for me" is something I can absolutely see (if we don't get into all the "what actually happened with Isobel's soul" weeds, or assume, at least, Aylin never did). It also makes it potentially awful because of the timing of Isobel's resurrection - but then, Aylin dying causes Isobel to die as well when her spell fails, so I guess the reunion, if Selûne manages to properly claim both souls (PLEASE @ GODS), is imminent. A much sadder one, to be sure, than our beloved "I dreamt every night that you'd come back to me. That somehow it was all a nightmare dawn would undo." But small mercies, I guess, in a very dark timeline.

I'll leave it at that for this grim bit of afternoon rumination.

[petrovouho]

got tagged by @komplikacije in a question game, thank youu 💜

had fun and wrote a lot so i will shorten the post hahah

do you make your bed: absolutely not and people who do.... something wrong with them, also kinda unsanitary, you should let your sheets get some air and sun to disinfect

what’s your favorite number: 8 i don’t remember all reasons but through my life it just feels like the number was always following me in some way and the main trigger was when i was 8th on an entrance exam for college and i was soooo happy because i really wanted to study architecture and it was the only college that i put on my list (kinda stupid decision now that i look back lol) but it felt like everything just clicked

current job: none

if you could go back to school, would you: i would in a sense that now that i’m older i value knowledge a lot more and i can actually understand the importance of some things that we learned in school, not that i didn’t back then, i was always a great student, but now im able to understand it on a deeper level and connect with other things i know but i don’t really have the time and energy to go through it again.. but i wouldn’t like to go back in a sense of that period of time in my life and the people in school and stuff like that

can you parallel park: i can’t drive, and i don’t think i’ll be good at it either

a job you had that would surprise people: never worked a day in my life… i did some dance gigs at festivals and promotions and those type of events but the money would not go to us but our dance studio. and when i was i child i was always trying to sell shells to tourists and one time my drawings…

do you think aliens are real: could be idk, i don’t really see the point in thinking too much about things that i don’t know a lot about or that we just can’t find out so it never makes sense to me when people who also don’t have some knowledge on space and biology, in this case, have an opinion on it. like it’s cool if you’re trying to understand something and come to the conclusion but i feel like today too many people have opinion on everything and know nothing

can you drive a manual car: no

guilty pleasure: things that i feel guilty about are not pleasurable and things that i find pleasurable i don’t feel guilty about

tattoos: they are very cool and i always thought that i’ll have a bunch but as im getting older i’m not sure anymore hahah i think i’d feel super weird if i had something on my skin permanently.. still like them a lot tho

favorite colour: purple, green and blue

favorite music genre: i guess like indie/rock/punk/rnb/jazz/reggae, not too much of anything hahah but i listen to pretty much everything

do you like puzzles: i don’t remember when was a last time i did one but i do like them

phobias: i don’t have some specific fear but lately i’ve been a bit paranoid that i will pass out when i’m in my room alone and no one will know and be able to help

favorite childhood sport: i never was a sports person but i did go to rhythmic gymnastics as a kid and then in elementary school i started jazz dance and been doing it until last two years, idk if dance counts hahah but yeah i’ve always been physically active

do you talk to yourself: i don’t really think of it as talking to myself hahah more like sometimes my thoughts just come through my mouth when i’m alone or like i will have an inner monolouge sometimes but that’s not talking to myself? i guess idk hahah it’s not like my brain is silent if i’m alone

favorite movies: i don’t really have favourite movies, i do watch movies like dirty dancing, grease, pretty in pink, the breakfast club when i need something comforting because it’s something i watched a lot when i was younger

coffee or tea: i like both but maybe tea since coffee tends to make me nervous

first thing you wanted to be when you grew up: pfff i think a painter or a teacher ohh i just remembered hahahah actually i wanted to be “an adventurer” lmao like some type of explorer that has to do with nature and history and wears that khaki shirt and cargos outfit with boots and a hat

i tag: @midnightpulses @kontra-svijeta @valovita @nismo-na-filmu-zaboga @blu27nature if they want to do it :))

[shimmershy]

Hi there!

A little while back, I sent an ask about the meaning behind that one drawing where Chara and Asriel are among a bunch of flowers, and Chara looks miserable while Asriel looks disappointed in them.

Firstly, I just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVED your little explanation about the meaning behind that drawing, and it's for that reason that it's one of my favourite drawings you have made.

However, I also wanted to send this ask is because there are some things in your explanation that, if it's okay with you, I'd like to learn/understand more about.

(Sorry to bother you like this and for asking for all these explanations. I'm autistic, so trying to understand what's being said can be a little bit more challenging for me)

1. "I was going to draw Asriel with a more complicated expression, like closer to concern or sadness rather than anger, but I think I ended up leaning more into the idea of like."

Ngl, a VERY SMALL part of me wishes you did that. I'm sorry, it's just that me no like seeing goat boy mad at chara. It makes me feel sad (even if the anger is a little bit warranted).

=(

2. "The image of him being affected by how Chara feels about themself. Like, he must be so angry, he must hate them because of what they did and because they're such a horrible person, from their perspective etc. If he were there in front of them he'd have nothing nice to say etc."

This is the line I would love to understand a little better. When you say "he must be so angry" are you talking about what Chara is thinking, hence the reasons they feel so distraught in the drawing? Just curious. Also, I'd like to learn what you mean by "the image of him being affected by how Chara feels about themselves." You see, when When I see Asriel in the drawing, I interpret him as feeling a mixture of disappointment and sadness rather than just anger. But that's just my own personal take on it.

3. "(But also he probably did feel some anger towards them, whether he let himself feel it or not, so it's not necessarily an inaccurate representation of him.)"

Totally! When I read the line "Chara wasn't the greatest person" I've always interpreted that he was more saddened than angry regarding Chara's actions and their consequences. But I do think he would feel disappointment and resentment. But I don't think it would last very long, seeing how, in Flowey's last speech to Chara, he tells them there's nothing to worry about, implying that he still wants the best for Chara even if they were far from the best person. Not to mention the newsletter confirmed Chara's intentions were good even if their actions were anything but.

4."Whereas in the background, he's kind of contrasting that idea."

I take it you're referring to Flowey in the drawing saying, "What made you wake up"?

By the way, thank you so much for your earlier response to my questions about that particular piece!

I can't wait to see what other art you have to offer in the future!!!!! I know they're gonna be great! Best of wishes to you!

Hi! It's not a bother, don't worry! To be honest I am Not the best at explaining things so I apologize for that. But I DO like talking about things so I don't mind answering questions.

Here's the art I'm talking about by the way.

Yeah, I also don't like seeing him angry with Chara, and I think I would have preferred the way the art turned out better if his expression had been different? There's like this uncomfortable tension in it, I guess, which makes me not like looking at it very much. But at the same time, that's kind of what I was going for when I was drawing it, it was more of an expression of a feeling.

Yep! I'm talking about what Chara's thinking. As for what I meant with that line, they feel guilty and hate themself for everything that happened and they're kinda projecting it onto him, whether or not it's actually how he feels. I guess it doesn't have to be only anger then, just a mixture of generally upset/conflicting feelings.

I agree. Whatever anger he felt probably didn't last very long, and any that was left over would probably be directed more at the situation itself rather than at Chara specifically.

Mhm! It's kind of like. Foreground: This tension between them that's dividing them, reflecting some actual feelings but also influenced by Chara's guilt and uncomfortable opinion on themself. Background: A reminder that whatever care they had for each other isn't entirely gone despite that. Something like that. Words are hard.

And it's no problem! Like I said, I just like talking about things, especially when it's about my art because sometimes I do have stuff to say about it. I just don't really think about it until prompted. Thank you so much!