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#the little debbie's box was surprisingly heavy
chubbychiquita · 5 months
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setting up the wishlist and the surprise gifts on throne has been a godsend, it's been an endless train of fattening snack deliveries, 400 lbs here i come 😈😈😈😈😈
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ailendolin · 1 year
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Happy upcoming birthday!
For the prompt: Ho-Tan (Vextan also good!) with the prompt of 10 - Moon and stars
Thank you so much for the prompt and the birthday wishes! 💙 Today's the day and I'm happy I can celebrate my birthday with a little Vextan fic. I hope you enjoy it!
List of prompts is here. Filled prompts are here, here, here and here on AO3.
Prompts are closed.
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The Key
“What’s this?” Ho-Tan asked when Vex handed her a small blue box that felt surprisingly heavy in her hands.
“A gift,” Vex explained – which wasn’t much of an explanation at all, Ho-Tan thought. “And before you ask: yes, I know it’s not your Name Day or one of our anniversaries.”
Intrigued and more than a little curious, Ho-Tan glanced down at the box. “Then what’s the occasion?”
“I’ll tell you after you’ve opened it,” Vex smiled secretively.
Ho-Tan huffed out a laugh and gently tugged at the ribbon that was tied around the box. When it finally fell away, her heart began to beat a little faster in anticipation of what Vex had gotten her. A new quill, perhaps? Or maybe one of those ancient scrolls she’d been trying so hard to acquire for months now?
In the end, no amount of guesswork could have prepared her for what lay inside the box. Her fingers shook as she opened it, and when she looked inside, her eyes went wide with shock. A key, the size of her palm and very familiar despite its altered shape, glinted up at her from a small blue velvet cushion.
“Is that–?” she asked in awe.
“A copy of the Chamber’s Key?” Vex smiled. “Yes.”
Ho-Tan’s gaze flicked up to the original hanging around his neck. “But – that’s not allowed, Vex! There must only ever be one Key.”
“Pep, pep, pep,” he said and took the second key – her key – out of the box by its blue string. He looked at it for a moment before he ever so gently draped it over her head. When he let go, the key, flat and wide where his was round and narrow, rested just below her heart. “There. Perfect.”
“Vex,” Ho-Tan began, not quite able to let the argument go just yet. The rules were there for a reason, after all. But then she looked down and noticed the intricate engravings on the key’s surface, and whatever she had been about to say fled her mind. The empty box fell from her hand, forgotten.
“Remember when we stood in Debbie’s garden and you were missing our home?” Vex asked softly. He cupped his hands around hers so they were holding the key between them. “I can’t promise you something like that won’t ever happen again. I sincerely hope it won’t but if it does, this way you’ll always carry the most important parts of our home with you.”
Ho-Tan’s breath caught in her throat as he began to list all the things that mattered to her the most in life and pointed them out on the key: the night sky with the three moons, her favourite constellation and the Red Star on one side – “So you will always find your way back home.” And an apple blossom and butterfly – “To remember you are loved,” next to the names of their children on the other – “So you’ll always have them close.”
Tenderly, Vex closed her fingers around the key and pressed it against her heart. “It’s meant to remind you that you’ll always have a home to return to, no matter where life may take us in the future.”
“Vex,” Ho-Tan whispered in awe. “This is–“
She shook her head, unable to put the magnitude of his gift and the gratitude she felt into words.
“I know,” Vex said. “It’s okay, Alfie. Come here.”
Helplessly, Ho-Tan tipped forward into his waiting arms and buried her head in his shoulder. His soft laughter rang in her ears as his arms came up around her, holding her close, keeping her safe, grounding her – just like he’d done for most of her life. And just like the key would now whenever they were parted.
“I hope these are happy tears, my dear,” he murmured softly into her ear.
Ho-Tan nodded and felt him press a kiss onto the top of her head before he tightened his arms around her. They stood like this in her room until the sun gave way to the moons. When her favourite constellation twinkled into existence in the night sky, they curled up under the blankets and Ho-Tan fell asleep with Vex’s head on her chest and the weight of the key resting just beside it, warm and reassuring.
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choco-glow · 3 years
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Fall Like Rain On Sunday, Pt. 10
Jason woke up around five am, bleary and in a tangle of blankets again from yet another nightmare…Sweat-soaked, he peeled himself out of his bed with a grimace and stripped first himself, then the bed, tossing everything into his washing machine before turning on the shower and stepping inside. Lukewarm woke him up a little better than hot right now, and felt better on his scarred skin; he leaned heavily against the tile, head tipped back as his waterfall nozzle rained down on him. The familiar sound of the washer going was a comfort, and piece by piece, he brought himself back to the present, breathing slowly, evenly, just as Bruce had taught him all those years ago…
“…Fuck.” He sighed out, and started washing up, glad for the indie shop he supported down the street that made its own soaps, shampoos, and conditioners. They were bar form, of course, but the natural scents helped ground him…anything heavily chemically scented was too triggering, too much like the factory he’d died in. A lot of things triggered that…tannerite, for one, which was why in all his varied explosions, he’d only ever used C4. Iron…He unconsciously touched the cheekbone that Talia had had her surgeons rebuild, for even the Pit couldn’t do everything. Not on a body that had been so badly brutalized that it’d been a closed casket funeral…
“Knock it off, Todd.” He growled out to himself, scrubbing furiously now. Fuckin’ don’t go down that path again, Jason…you know where it leads. Besides, you promised you’d make waffles this morning. Can’t leave a lady waiting. Steph’s smile filled his mind, and Jason relaxed, as he had for months now around his Batgirl…and he felt a tiny smile tug at his lips. He didn’t have a waffle iron; he rarely did more than griddle cakes, eggs, and bacon for himself, and that’s when he felt like cooking, so it was a good thing he’d woken up before his alarm; he had time to run to the nearest Lux-Mart. He finished his shower, relaxed now, and other than rescuing his book from the floor and setting it on his nightstand, left his bed to airdry for a while; he’d learned that lesson the hard way.
Dark jeans, boxer-briefs, a soft tee shirt, socks, his boots, and a hoodie, and he was ready to brave the pre-dawn crowds. He twirled his keys on one finger as he made his way down the stairs to his garage, and side-stepped the engine for Roy’s Corvette, unlocking the truck and opening the door with a flick of a button. It was dark still; small wonder, it was just barely five forty-five, and the sun wouldn’t be up for another hour or so…the garage door slid closed behind him with a whisper, and Jason set out for the Lux-Mart, following the main roads this morning, since they weren’t clogged yet by the early morning commuters. A few early birds passed him, and he waved at the Batmobile as they both continued on out of the city, since the nearest of Lux Luthor’s monster all-in-one stores was in the suburbs on the mainland.
Jason’s phone buzzed, and he answered it on the dash with a grin, glad for his blue-tooth dashboard connection.
“Hey Pops.”
“I thought that was you, Jason…what has you out so early?” Bruce’s voice was warm, exhausted, but for once, actually pretty damned friendly, and Jason hummed a little, smirking to see the ‘mobile keeping pace with him.
“Well, I promised I’d bring Steph waffles this morning as incentive to get her homework done…and then I realized I didn’t have a waffle iron.” Bruce laughed at that, low and surprisingly genuine, while he heard a squawk from Tim. Now, he didn’t…completely hate his replacement in the Robin line-up; certainly, he adored Steph and Damian. But Tim was…well, everything that Jason hadn’t ever been, and Jason was still too aware of how similar Tim and Bruce really were. Dick had commented on it, last time he’d come up from Bludhaven, and if Dick could see it…well. Jason still felt like he’d been the downgrade from Dick, and that Tim was the super upgrade.
It wasn’t true…but emotions could be ugly, ugly things.
And Tim had stolen his ex-girlfriend’s waffles.
“Well then, that makes complete sense…do you two need anything from us? We had a busy night dealing with Boyle again.” Jason winced; Ferris Boyle had been a problem since Bruce’s early days, even before Dick, and Jason hated the man almost as much as he hated Joker. Totally aside from how he’d fucked up Victor Fries, his actions regarding Nora had been absolutely appalling. He wanted custody of her so that he could experiment on her…and since Victor is now a supervillain…goddamn, I’m glad Bruce was able to win custody of her.
“Bastard…was he after Nora again?”
“And Victor. We convinced Fries to come back to Wayne Inc. and talk to us about Nora’s future; we’ve made some serious progress towards a cure, and with his research, we might just have what we need. And I’ve been working on something to help him as well…But we can talk about it later.” A yawn broke his sentence, and Jason smiled fondly.
“Go home, Pops; Steph and I will take patrol tonight. You two take the night off.”
“…Thank you, Jason. I really appreciate it; Damian and Tim do too.”
“Yes, thank you, akhi.” Damian’s voice was softer over the phone, tired, and Jason smiled, though he grit his teeth when Tim spoke up.
“Sure, thanks Hood. Hope you two actually get some patrolling done, and don’t just make out on a roof.”
“…Well, Timmy, I’m quite certain we’ll keep our professionalism at the fore. After all, we wouldn’t want to attract undue attention…like Kon did the other night.” Jason responded, voice sickeningly sweet as Tim choked over the phone call, and Bruce made an inquisitive noise.
“We were going over tactical plans!”
“Tim, I’m sure it’s fine.” Bruce’s voice was gentle, but curious, and Jason felt his grin stretch to maniacal proportions.
“Oh, of course you were! Silly ol’ me, ‘tactical plans’, of course! Must’ve been wall plans!” Jason replied sweetly, and Tim choked again, a strangled noise coming over the line. Bruce snorted suddenly, clearly understanding now, and Damian just sighed; Jason could almost hear his eyes rolling.
“Drake, do not give Todd grief for kissing; we all know you regularly have intercourse with Kon-El.” Tim’s voice was pitched even higher now, babbling as Bruce snorted again, clearly holding back laughter, and Jason snickered.
“Damian, Lil D, I want you to know how much I love you right now.”
“As I love and cherish you, akhi. Please do tell Grayson this.”
“DO NOT TELL DICK ANYTHING, JASON, I SWEAR TO GOD.”
“Then don’t steal Stephie’s waffles again, and I won’t~” He purred, and Tim let out a heavy sigh.
“…I apologize to her later.”
“So good to work with you, Tim, it’s just such a pleasure!”
“God, I hate you sometimes.” Bruce was laughing now, deep and highly amused, and Jason gave the ‘mobile a salute as he turned off towards the Lux-Mart, still snickering.
“Love you too, Timmy; good night, you three, I’m off to waffle-maker hunt.”
“Love you too, Jay; good luck! And tell Steph we love her too for me, will you?” Bruce asked, over the other twos’ groaning, and Jason chuckled.
“Of course, Pops. See ya.”
“See you.” The call winked out, and Jason pulled into the Lux-Mart, still grinning. He grabbed up his phone, double checked his wallet, and headed into the store, grabbing a cart. He didn’t want to buy a ton of stuff…but he knew he’d need more room than a basket. Appliances first; he grabbed a waffle-maker, one with interchangeable plates, and from the small selection, picked a Millennium Falcon and an Eevee (both for Steph), since they’d traded favorite Pokémon a few weeks ago, then favorite films. He was always looking for Pride and Prejudice/Sense and Sensibility stuff, or even just basic literary things, but hey, he liked Eevee too (even if his favorite was still Rapidash), and Star Wars was a familiar favorite from his childhood.
From there, he grabbed utensils that he knew he didn’t have, then a few things from pharmacy to cover his personal stores for the week. Bandages, wraps, gauze, alcohol…all the usual stuff, and then he made his way to the grocery area, where things were getting a little bit busier. Two boxes of waffle/pancake mix, maple syrup, and a carton of eggs; a package of bacon made the cut too, as did a gallon of milk, a bottle of his favorite fancy protein juice smoothie, and as he made his way into the produce section, a bag each of blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries. He also got a couple apples, good for a snack as well as baking into the batter, and a pair of pomegranates. Bananas too, just as small bunch, and a small tub of butter.
On a whim, he also grabbed sugary snacks for later, mostly Hostess cakes and some Little Debbie stuff, and a big bag of Chex Mix; not healthy, no, but they held up to patrols well, and he’d gone hungry too many nights to ever feel good about not having food around. Besides…his stay in the Lazarus Pit hadn’t just accelerated his healing factor…it’d forced his metabolism onto a higher level, and now he could almost match Kon pound for pound with food. He also grabbed some pizzas; just in case, he liked to have them. Checking his watch, Jason bit off a swear; it was seven am already, and it was easily a half-hour drive back into Gotham.
He got through self checkout with ease, and hauled his finds out of the store, leaving the cart at the entrance and legging it to his truck. To his surprise, clouds that hadn’t been visible in the darkness were rolling over the whole of Gotham City, heavy thunder rumbling out on the ocean, and in the low light from the rising sun, he made a few quick calculations. He had just enough time to get back to the city before the rain really started; he loaded up his backseat and tore ass out of the parking lot, hopping on the freeway in record time. He glanced around, confused at the lack of cars…then laughed to himself.
Of course it was empty; it was Sunday. I think I’m getting to love Sundays now…Jason thought to himself as he gunned it back to Steph’s place, settling back for the drive with a sigh. Just then, the familiar strains of ‘Home’ came onto the radio, and Jason grinned, then started singing along.
“I’m goin’ home…to the place where I belong…”
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gazzhowie · 7 years
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My Top 25 Movies of 2017.
Yes, it is indeed that time of year again where I blow the annual cobwebs off my Tumblr account to post my Top 25 movies of the year. And yes, I am indeed late by a few weeks in getting this up online... but I was celebrating this being the TENTH anniversary of this makeshift column thing. It started out as a regular on one website, moved to another and now it’s its own Tumblr ‘thing’. So... yay! Happy tenth anniversary. Or something.
Anyway, you frequent visitors know the score by now. I throw down a big long mournful special mention to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit but think they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.
As always, films listed are based on their UK release date. Without further ado...
In relation to the year’s dramas, I thoroughly enjoyed T2 Trainspotting and in a lot of ways the ‘long wait’ for a sequel we never really needed didn’t seem to hurt it at all. However, unlike the original, this felt like confection in the sense that once it was finished it didn’t really leave any lasting impression. I really liked Bleed For This and whilst familiar with the true story that it was dramatising I felt that for a lot of people they’d STILL find it completely incredulous. It was a well-directed, solidly acted little film that deserved more love. In an age when Jackie Chan films are so wildly all over the shop in terms of quality it was quite the delight to get two legitimately brilliant efforts from the legend. The first was Railroad Tigers which somehow managed to be part history lesson, part caper and part atypical Jackie Chan action extravanza without ever being annoying. Russia’s Panfilov's 28 (turigidly retitled Battle For Moscow here) was a great ‘stacked-odds’ war movie that rewarded the long wait to get itself into gear with some terrific tank-on-solider action set-pieces and high-stakes tension. 
Keeping with dramas, Anne Hathaway successfully rebirthed from having her cinematic abilities ruined by her obnoxious celebrity personality with Colossal, a terrific study of addiction and responsibility – somehow presented through the purview of a Kaiju movie! The Wall, Doug Liman’s second of two movies this year (after the likeable but disposable American Made), was the better one – playing out as one of those high concept ‘one location’ thrillers that keeps you suitably gripped… before sadly fizzling out in the final stretch. James Gray’s The Lost City of Z was a gorgeous-looking, wonderfully directed movie of a fascinating story sadly undone by last minute “that’ll do” casting that saw Charlie Hunnam completely derail a film that had every chance of being an instant classic. Jeff Nichol continued his pathway to becoming my generation’s Spielberg with Loving, the true life story of an American interracial marriage that challenged the law. Scorsese finally made his passion project, Silence, and it was a heavily flawed film that still some how felt like a sumptuous work of art at the same time. Finally, there was The Age of Shadows which was Korea’s attempt at gung-ho action-heavy, cat-and-mouse, double-agent espionage thriller that narrowly missed out on a place in the final Top 25.
In terms of blockbusters, Kong: Skull Island was tremendous fun with some of the best FX designs and action set-pieces you’d find in a Summer blockbuster in 2017. Only third act issues and a terrible Tom Hiddleston performance stopped it from being one of the year’s best. Fast & Furious 8 was a crushing disappointment that absolutely confirmed my worst fears after the death of Paul Walker – namely that this franchise would become utterly unmoored by Vin Diesel’s ego and his belief that HE himself is what the audience for these movies care about most. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was as much of a delight as you were probably hoping it would be and I loved it a great deal, but it completely lost my interest by its climax with its cavalcade of CGI smashing into CGI incoherently. 
Alien Covenant was a vast improvement on Prometheus (soon to be retitled Alien: Prometheus if rumours are to be believed!) but it still leaves you questioning why Ridley Scott is obviously trying to sandwich other sci-fi intentions he has into a pre-existing franchise that doesn’t quite accommodate them. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (I’m not calling it by that bizarre inexplicable UK title!) was… pleasantly surprising in the fact that it was not awful! Wonder Woman was legitimately jaw-dropping in terms of just how great it was (who’d have thunk it?) but, just like with Guardians of the Galaxy 2, the minute it leaned back on clattering CGI and nonsensical reveals it lost me entirely. The two biggest surprises of all though in terms of blockbusters was Life – which was a better Alien movie than Alien: Covenant with a humdinger of an ending that due to poor box office we’ll never see developed as intended – and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle which somehow managed to be the best teen movie of the year and the best video game movie (for a video game that doesn’t exist!) AND one of the best sequels of the year too!
Not a huge amount of horror movies greatly impressed this year but M. Night Shymalan’s Split worked effectively for me and The Autopsy of Jane Doe stood out as one of the year’s best horror movies with some fantastic jump-scares and lead performances that fully commit to selling the concept. However, one that did really impress was Gerald’s Game. Mike Flanagan continued his own pathway to becoming my generation’s maestro of horror with an adaption of Stephen King’s novel that proved to be an engrossing, sickening, improbably excellent adaptation. Carla Cugino’s performance in it is one of the best of the year.
Whilst we’re talking great performances of the year special mention most definitely has to go to Theresa Palmer for her work in the uncompromising, upsetting indie thriller, Berlin Syndrome. 
For comedies, Don't Think Twice was a lovely watch and seemed to work past just how incredibly niche and “inside-y” it was through the hardwork of its thoroughly likeable cast. Goon: Last of the Enforcers was every bit this year’s underrated gem as its predecessor was when it was released years back. Then there was The Big Sick which managed the commendable balancing act of being incredibly lovely, moving, dramatic, hilarious and really rather wonderful all at the same time.
For action B-movies, it was a surprisingly great year in 2017. The team behind The Raid gave us Headshot which kick-for-punch gave us some of the best fight sequences of the year. Sleepless, a totally unrequired remake of the French classic Sleepless Night, ended up being a really fun, gritty ride full of entertaining shoot-outs and improbable fight sequences with Michelle Monaghan committing to the material with more gusto than it probably deserved and the film being all the better for it. The second best of the three cinematic attempts by Mel Gibson to be redeemed by his industry was Blood Father, a down-and-dirty gun-and-run action shoot ‘em up that would have been nothing without Gibson’s throwing-it-all-down performance. John Wick Chapter 2 was extravagant excellence that at times I felt unworthy of being exposed to. Jeremy Rush’s debut, Wheelman, took all the clichés of “the good criminal on a bad job gone wrong” subgenre and - thanks to Frank Grillo’s performance – made a better movie than the similar but one-note and overly acclaimed Baby Driver. 
Shockwave Tunnel was a dependably solid Andy Lau actioner that played like Die Hard meets Daylight – all the overblown, enthralling action you’d expect from a Hong Kong mid-level blockbuster with all the overwrought emotionally manipulative dramatics too! Finally there was Martin Campbell’s The Foreigner, the second of those brilliant Jackie Chan movies in 2017, which was part political revenge movie, part First Blood homage, part commercial for Chan being considered for actual serious acting awards and part ‘Is Pierce Brosnan doing Gerry Adams?’ think-piece.
It was another stellar year for documentaries too with Nobody Speak: Trials of the Free Press being the biggest jaw-dropper of the lot as Hulk Hogan, backed by a billionaire with nefarious intent, destroyed a website for reporting on his sex tape – and set a dangerous precedent in the process! Bright Lights, the candid documentary on Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, landed on UK shores early in 2017 and proved to be every bit as heartbreaking as you’d expect in light of Fisher’s death. Probably one of the biggest, bizarre curios this year was Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond, a candid and unfiltered look behind Jim Carrey’s “process” in making Man on the Moon many years back and which gave way to finally turning many a long-held rumour to fact. Spielberg was an out-and-out delight for any fan of cinema, delivering an enormous amount of access to the master of cinema himself as he and his colleagues took us through his career and his life. Finally there was the magnificent and majestic epic OJ: Made In America which makes these ‘mentions’ as an eight hour documentary in the same way Twin Peaks Season 3 is allowed to be considered as one of “the films of the year” too. It is an accomplished, thorough and engrossing study not just of a miscarriage of justice but of race in America, celebrity and human toxicity.
I did not catch a lot of animation in 2017 but the two standouts worthy of mention were The Lego Batman Movie, which managed to keep the delightful ball bouncing that The Lego Movie itself threw up in the air by way of pacey and inventive plotting/design and a very, very clever and knowing script. Then there was Seoul Station, the animated prequel to last year’s sublime Train to Busan. It deserves a shout-out not because it is particularly stunning as an animated film (it isn’t!) or that it works particularly brilliantly as a prequel (it doesn’t!) but as an animated zombie contagion movie in its own right it is very much entertaining and proves to be quite the thrill-ride with a gut-punch denouement.
And now to the Top 25 movies of the year themselves:
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 25. It Comes At Night
Badly mismarketed - according to some - as some sort of zombie/creature feature that saw an immense audience backlash, this is actually a brilliant study in dread and human frailty told on an intimate scale with yet another dependably excellent performance from Joel Edgerton.
24. Spider-Man: Homecoming
I’m as big an MCU ‘junkie’ as most but I went into this cynical and with my arms dismissively folded across my chest. I was burnt out on Spider-Man and the Civil War cameo, whilst ‘fun’, didn’t give me any feeling it would work as another feature. I thought the Sam Raimi trilogy was badly cast and over-rated fare and I actually went against the populous on the Andrew Garfield movies by finding them entertaining clusterfucks that worked in spite of the committee filmmaking approach. I just didn’t want another round – but Homecoming gets Spider-Man entirely right for the first time, for me. It moves like a bullet without an inch of fat on it (a rarity for a lot of MCU movies!), it’s wonderfully cast and, best of all, it manages to be exciting and funny in equal measures like the best MCU movies and no other Spider-Man movie has before!
23. Manchester By The Sea
This is not your recommended Friday or Saturday night ‘easy entertainment’ and for many its quality has been blighted by the revelations about Casey Affleck but this is an uncomfortably honest and heartbreaking mediative study on grief, loss and loneliness. Affleck is superb and Michelle Williams once again shows that she is the greatest actress of my generation by an easy mile.
22. Super Dark Times
I was lauded like the hero I rightfully should be considered as for labelling this movie on Twitter as “Stand by Me meets American Psycho” and the description really works. Go in knowing as little as possible and just let it play out. It’s dark, grimy and captivating and it works as tremendously as it does because it never once feels anything less than completely real. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
21. Patriots Day
Mark Wahlberg is one of the worst mainstream actors (and, lest we forget, human beings!) in the movie business today. And here he’s playing (badly) an unnecessarily and inexplicably invented “composite” character in an otherwise authentic dramatic recreation of the Boston Bombing and the hunt for the culprits. When Peter Berg sticks to the facts and procedurally works through the events and the investigation, you’re gifted an exemplary thriller that delivers – with the Watertown shoot-out – one of the year’s best sequences. When you’re put in the hands of Wahlberg, it’s painful. I was able to forcibly separate the former from the latter. Many couldn’t. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
20. Hacksaw Ridge
I’m keeping my opinion on Mel Gibson absent for once (everyone knows I’m big on cutting the guy some slack, frankly!) but I was delighted to see this received the way it was. Not everything in it works (Andrew Garfield does his typical “swing for the back” unsubtle performance, its first hour works more as an outright homage to 1950s dramas than it does in its own right!) but, man alive, does it serve to remind us all what an absoloutely outstanding filmmaker Gibson is. He’s delivered one of the greatest war movies of the modern age, telling an outstanding true story in the process and refusing to skimp when it comes to brutality, octane or high drama in the process. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
19. La La Land
I really don’t understand the backlash to this movie at all. Not one bit. A talented director has taken two of the best working actors in the industry right now and made an ode to movie musicals of yesteryear with all the aplomb and appeal you’d expect – and it’s delightful. It really is. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
18. Atomic Blonde
Someone somewhere thought a tribute to Roger Donaldson’s No Way Out but starring Charlize Theron and made in the style of John Wick should be made and that person should be applauded and carried through the streets on a throne! This is not a perfect movie. Hell, it’s not even a movie that is anywhere near as clever as it thinks it is. But as a piece of action entertainment, it really is terrific fun – stupendously well directed with energy to spare, a cool as hell soundtrack and Theron is excellent! That “one take” hallway/apartment/car fight is absolutely audacious - and brilliant just for watching Eddie Marsan, the modern day Yoda of character actors, try to just... “not get in the way”.
17. Thor: Ragnorak
Everyone had a right to be cautious about this one – on the one hand anyone familiar with Taika Waititi knew that he’d never made a bad movie and was becoming one of the strongest voices in cinematic comedy. But on the other hand Thor was proving to be one of the weakest characters in the MCU and his previous movies had been less than great. So you can chalk this one up as one of the biggest and best surprise blockbusters of 2017. It delivered on the action and spectacle in all the ways you’d expect from a Marvel movie but it was also one of the best comedies of the year too.
16. Blade Runner 2049
Who would have thought for one second that this was going to work let alone work as well as it did? A direct sequel, decades after the fact, to a box office failure that has aged into an inarguable masterpiece? It is almost too bittersweet then that its sequel would be critically adored but also fail at the box office as well. Blade Runner 2049 is not a film for the casual cinema-goer. It’s certainly not for someone who hasn’t seen or truly appreciated Ridley Scott’s original classic. It’s a reward dressed up as a film for people who like beautiful cinema, technical audaciousness, strong performances and intricate, mature plotting all wrapped up into one.
15. The Handmaiden
Park Chan-Wook’s adaptation of the novel ‘Fingersmith’ is a sumptuous cavalcade of deception, erotica, dark obsession, greed and romance. You watch it waiting for one of the cogs to break and for the whole thing to come undone because it’s hard to get your head around how all of these elements are kept in motion so seamlessly and so enthrallingly. The cogs never break. It really is just that excellent.
14. Okja
I went into this as one of the rare few who find Tilda Swinton abrasive, who’d heard terrible things about what Jake Gyllenhaal was doing in this movie and was getting caught up in mixed word-of-mouth about what the film itself was actually about. But when you’ve made Memories of Murder, The Host, Snowpiercer, and Mother you get to buy a lot of good faith from a viewer, frankly. So in Bong Joon-Ho we trust and boy did that trust pay off! This is the only funny, harrowing, thrilling, moving, thought-provoking caper / thriller / drama / “message” movie you’re going to see this year. It is, of course, on Netflix now to view.
13. Detroit
It sort of annoyed me that I was so ignorant to the facts prior to watching Kathryn Bigelow’s searing drama set during the 1967 Detroit riots, in which a group of rogue police officers respond to a complaint with retribution rather than justice on their minds. I felt I should have been better educated on the grave injustice and inhumane horrors of this incident. It’s testament to Bigelow that she manages to educate the unknowledgeable on the context needed, the geography and the peole without ever making you feel like you’re being lectured. The film struggles to stay afloat as we decompress from the horrors of the extended second act set-piece into what is ostensibly the cover-up but it’s testament to all involved that it manages to nonetheless.
12. Brawl in Cell Block 99
Craig Zahler’s follow-up to Bone Tomahawk is an astounding homage to the 70s/early 80s exploitation movies that cluttered up the bottom two shelves of many a local video shop. It’s got that C-grade exploitation movie type plot but what Zahler does is expand it in a way to give it time to breathe in ways an ‘original’ exploitation movie couldn’t. We get to spend time with the characters and get a feel for predicaments and locations so when the “hell” does break loose we are in it alongside them. Vince Vaughn uses this movie as a farewell to every safe, easy, shitty studio romcom his reputation stalled on and reinvents himself as a lanky Charles Bronson type for a modern age. It gets horrifying and grim and then keeps going and does so with a sense of zeal and pride that is really rather admirable.
11. Logan
We know that James Mangold is one of the great American filmmakers very rarely put to use by studios the way he should be (i.e. give him money and get out of his way) but he still manages to insert moments of brilliance in otherwise throwaway films (Identity, Knight & Day and The Wolverine all have moments in them that make them better than you’ve probably heard!). Somehow he managed to convince Fox to let him take one of the most iconic but problematic runs in comic book history and make a third solo Wolverine after two previous fatally bad/uneven attempts – but make it as a futuristic western farewell to the character itself and, oh, he won’t be pandering to any of the inter-universe stuff either... And in the process Mangold essentially made the UNFORGIVEN of the comic book movie genre. Like with that movie, it now feels like the door's been closed on this particular genre of movies (the MCU movies feel like their own unstoppable beast at this point) rather definitively. Everything needing said or done within the genre is right there in LOGAN. This works because it has something to say and an actor with a point to prove - It's not out to stake its claim as the best 'comic book movie' (it is one of them though!) but it is very interested in making sure it is a great movie. Not only does it achieve that, but it sort of lands as its own instant masterpiece of sorts too. Hugh Jackman's doing work here that is utterly terrific and if you'd said last year that some of the best performances you'll find in cinema in 2017 would be in "the third WOLVERINE movie" you'd have been drowned in laughter. Yet here we are. If you were to recalibrate the 'limitations' of the past, present and future of the western genre, then with COPLAND, 3:10 TO YUMA and this James Mangold has made three of the best in modern cinema.
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10. The Villainess
This is a movie that is so absolutely chockfull of full on "HOLY SHIT!" moments and action sequences that you’re still sat muttering "How the hell did they do that?!?" days after you’ve experienced it. Its story is muddled in its delivery and it does take a little bit to bed down with what is going on, where they're going and what story they're trying to tell but... maaaan... when it lights up it fires off like a nuclear friggin missile. Controversial as it's going to sound, it's a rarity in that as a homage to a source material (NIKITA in this instance) it surpassed the source in my opinion! You will invariably see stories get better told this year - but you're not going to see a film with better action sequences! Fact!
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9. War For The Planet of the Apes 
Enter into this movie with a broad mind and in return you'll be rewarded with an astoundingly good time full of great direction, terrific visual effects, wonderful performances and fantastic set-pieces! I just REALLY hope that this is the closing chapter of a particular trilogy but not necessarily the franchise as a whole - To develop this textured a 'history', pay it off in this manner and NOT take it now into themore pointed direction of the original Charlton Heston movie seems like an awful waste! Any failings WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES has is not in the film itself but in the marketing - There's going to be a boatload of folk expecting to see helicopters and tanks, commanded by Woody Harrelson, panning out over snowy terrain to blast away at an army of apes in what is all pay off to the build-up of the last two movies. This isn't THAT movie! The movie it IS though is a tremendous achievement both on a technical level and as a piece of storytelling. It's a beautifully realised, rich revenge Western dressed up as a prison escape movie - but with apes! And in marketing it the studio really didn't seem to want you to know that Matt Reeves has essentially remade APOCALYPSE NOW and THE GREAT ESCAPE at the same time, in the same movie - but with apes!
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8. IT: Chapter One
I was one hundred percent blown away by Andy Muschietti's adaption of IT. I was hoping it would be good but... Jesus... this was actually astounding! Seriously! It's not just a great horror movie. It's a great movie, full stop. And possibly one of the best adaptations of a Stephen King novel ever made. Shit thee not. It absolutely works on every conceivable level. It is legitimately scary (downright terrifying in parts!), completely enthralling and so incredibly well crafted. The key to adapting King has always been in accepting that the man is a wildly uneven and incredibly ill-disciplined author and a great adaption needs to fight against his worst excesses. Which often means being willing to cull away at the source material with brutal confidence. That's why STAND BY ME, THE SHANKSHANK REDEMPTION, MISERY, THE MIST, CARRIE, THE GREEN MILE and especially THE SHINING are tremendous... and why the likes of UNDER THE DOME and every movie Mick Garris touches is flat out awful and barely watchable! The casting is utterly sublime - Finn Wolfhard from STRANGER THINGS is a delight, Jeremy Ray Taylor was so moving he broke my heart and Sophia Lillis is just jaw-droppingly brilliant. She gives such an assured performance for someone so young and, in the process, delivers one of my favourite performances of the year. And Bill Skarsgård? HOLY SHIT!! I can't rave about this movie enough, frankly. By moving it to the 80s it hit my 'nostalgia button' just perfectly and the scares were so expertly executed.
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7. Dunkirk
Nolan has proven time and again that he is a master craftsman in the field of modern cinema, whether through populist fare like THE DARK KNIGHT trilogy, playing opulently in the sci-fi sandbox with INTERSTELLAR, gunning for hire on police procedurals with INSOMNIA or delivering his trifecta of inarguable cinematic masterpieces with THE PRESTIGE, MEMENTO and INCEPTION. This moves like a fuckin rocket-ship, just non-stop propulsion from the first frame to the last drawing exhilaration and exhaustion from you at every step. The non-linear format is a masterstroke in that it rather exquisitely uses the agonising wait that comes with time pushed right up against the race against the very same thing. It's so intricately developed. Harry Styles doesn't do enough to make an impression but nor is he given enough to offend. He's just there. Hans Zimmer reinvents himself musically once again. And Nolan clarifies once more that there is still a place for old-school movie majesty in the modern age - the push wherever possible to avoid CGI aerial battles and painted-in boats shows a determination and dedication that deserves kudos. With the stripped back dialogue, the never-ending series of jaw-dropping and nerve-shredding set-pieces and a gorgeous, old-fashioned execution, this is a ready-made masterpiece!
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6. Get Out
What's getting lost in all of the critical plaudits for this film is that it is possibly one of the most assured and successful directorial debuts in cinema history! This is an absolute humdinger of a movie, reconfiguring what you think of cinema as social commentary, what makes a horror movie scary and what you think of Allison Williams (no joke!). So much fun and more importantly thought-provoking! KEY & PEELE was some majestic shit – but, between this and KEANU, Jordan Peele has proven worthy of being followed wherever he wants to go with his film ideas!
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5. Free Fire
I urge you to believe the hype - FREE FIRE is *that* good! Kinetic, original, hilarious and exhilarating. It's a legitimately great time, doing for the shoot-out in 2017 what MAD MAX: FURY ROAD did for the car chase in 2015. It is quite literally everything that everyone is overstating BABY DRIVER to be - an inventive recalibration of a frequented cinematic form! Everything said and overhyped about Edgar Wright (a director far more interested in his own celebrity than making gimmick-free films) is wholly true of Ben Wheatley who, film by film, seems to repeatedly reinvent himself and has never delivered something less than excellent. FREE FIRE is what would happen if Florent Emilio Siri's NID DE GUEPES made a baby with BOOGIE NIGHTS! It's ridiculous how well Ben Wheatley manages to choreograph this thing... a ninety-odd minute, one location, non-stop shoot-out... with such clean geography where you're always aware of what's going on and where every character is. And, honestly, let's reiterate it again now - In terms of great Oscar injustices, Sharlto Copley not winning in 2018 for his work in this will be one of the all-time travesties!
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4. I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore
This is a quirky, grim, funny, gripping gem of a movie that I saw early on in 2017 and it stayed with me right the way throughout the year. Macon Blair has went from being the driving force (BLUE RUIN) and supporting foundation (GREEN ROOM) in straight-out-the-gate modern masterpieces to delivering a directorial debut that immediately lands as one of the films of 2017! If only there was some way we could go live in a world where Trump wasn't president and Blair, Elijah Wood, the never less than excellent Jane Levy and the utterly outstanding Melanie Lynskey were taking home ALL the awards for this! Who'd have thunk Lynskey would go from bit-player in an awful sitcom to the best actress of our generation? Maybe The Duplass Brothers’ Togetherness that y’all didn’t watch was the goddamn clue, huh? For me, Melanie Lynskey delivers THE best actress performance of the year. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
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3. Jawbone
I was absolutely blown away by what is easily one of the best British films made in a long time! And on top of all THAT, in time it'll come to stand as one of the best boxing movies of all time too. It absolutely captures the level of boxing I know of - that whole subculture of what rises up from when Golden Gloves contendership ends but no pro-journey materialises. On top of THAT, it's a tremendously well executed study of the pain that manifests from addiction, grief and loneliness. Seek this out. I urge you. It’s the anti-Rocky and there's not a single false-note in the whole film. It’s now on Netflix here in the UK.
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2. Wind River
I jested from the minute the trailer dropped that all involved had inexplicably and unnecessarily remade my beloved Deadly Pursuit. How wrong could I be? For me, in his directorial debut, Taylor Sheridan has absolutely nailed it as a director what he did twice over the previous years as a writer with Sicario and Hell or High Water - delivering a mature, harrowing, enthralling thriller that has something to say. Awards season seems to have forgotten it already but Sheridan's debut direction and Jeremy Renner's performance are more than worthy of consideration.
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1. Good Time
Robert Pattinson, an actor I have never been able to stand in anything (and that includes his Cronenberg rebirth period stuff too!), captivates completely in what is the most kinetic, captivating and energetic film of the year. Pattinson plays Connie Nikas, a scumbag low-level criminal who, after a heist goes awry, has to spend one long night trying to free his brother with learning disabilities from custody in the notorious Riker's Island prison. What follows is a relentless foot-chase through the streets, tenements and shitholes of New York City that plays out as a non-stop living nightmare. I heard of Good Time’s directors, Benny Safdie and Josh Safdie, as being announced for the remake of 48hrs before I’d seen this, their debut feature. And I spent a great deal of time whining about how 48hrs doesn’t need touched and who did these Safdie brothers think they were, etc. Now? Having seen this movie and adored it as much as I have, I’m legitimately excited to see what their version of a modern day 48hrs could be! Good Time is now on Netflix here in the UK.
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