#the only song ive ever heard from this band is eyes eyes eyes (i think?)

[electro-sweaters]

CC!Hyde is the 13th member of Loona. I thought you deserved to know.

 (◕_◕ ) What does this mean What does this MEAN I dont listen to Kpop.

This isn't even the blog I use to talk about CC this is my personal blog where are you coming from im Afraid

is this what you want from me?

he's slaying i guess, he's going to get kicked out in a matter of hours

[onesaltyhunter]

And in your waking moments,

I will be there.

Incubus! IV x fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N has been one of the guitar techs, alongside one of the light engineers for Sleep token for quite a few years now. She'd consistently heard of various individuals' attraction to IV, but brushed it off as she ruled it as self-explanatory. He's a talented guitarist for one of the biggest bands on the planet. But there is a secret that lies beyond the surface. He's not exactly, well, human. So what other things is he hiding?

WARNINGS 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI: LIKE SMUT. A LOT. until there isn't... BUT THERE WILL BE. SWEARING TOO. Accidental harm (by IV), him underestimating his strength. Also, other non-human vessels. IV goes from being an absolute bottom of a person to a top in no time.

REMEMBER!!! THESE FICS ARE ABOUT THE CHARACTER. NOT THE PERSON BEHIND THE MASK. PLEASE RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.

also, photocreds to @/adamrosssi on instagram!

The sound of the band playing before Sleep Token was almost deafening, yet it brought no distractions to Y/N, who was restringing one of IV's Gretschs after the low E string snapped. It was a fairly unusual sight--the thickest string on a guitar, breaking. Of course it was more typical for the high E string to break, but the low one? It puzzled Y/N, but she merely glossed over it, in an attempt to finish restringing the guitar early.

As much as she wished to enjoy the wonderful energy of music festivals, the air wasn't exactly the most pleasing thing about it. The mixture of sweat and liquor seemed to always be the smell of impending doom.

"You alright?" III patted her on the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Y/N stood up to secure the guitar on the rack. "You ready to fuck shit up?"

"Oh don't you worry. I've got a lot of that planned."

III and Y/N shared a laugh as Vessel approached the two of them. Their giggles faded away, and Y/N put both of her arms to her sides, her legs pressed together. III raised a brow, before biting the inside of his mouth to stifle a laugh.

"Sir, reporting for duty!" Y/N's eyes went wide, as she looked at a moderately confused Vessel.

"Why, do you... Just, why?" Vessel smiled and shook his head before letting out a small laugh.

Y/N stopped tensing up, as she sighed and began to stand with her arms crossed now. While Vessel and III were carrying on their conversation of adding a surprise song to the setlist, she peaked behind them, to see IV speaking with one of the event organizers. One of the most important skills that Y/N acquired after spending time with the band was reading others emotions, without having to ever see one's face. The event organizer had her hand on her hip, leaning forward just a bit, while IV cocked his head to the side, responding with a slow nod.

Damn that woman thinks she has her fucking claws in IV right n- Y/N's thoughts were interrupted by IV, whose gaze darted over at her almost instantly. He squinted at her, his mask wrinkling up around the mouth.

"Who the fuck pissed him off?" II walked by, unpacking a couple drumsticks to use for the next show.

"Hm?" Vessel and III glanced at IV, who was slowly approaching them. "What, him?"

"You alright mate?" II took a step back, as IV remained silent.

"IV your maple-neck Gretsch it's..." Y/N started to say.

"Been restrung. I know, thank you." IV swallowed hard before picking it up from the rack, wrapping the strap around him.

"Mhm." Y/N nodded before walking over to the rack to make sure the back-up guitars were also in good condition.

IV grabbed her by the forearm. She could feel his nails graze her skin, but he didn't sink them in. His hold was somehow gentle, even though she could almost feel his anger and aggression simply by staring into his eyes.

"I don't like her. If that was what you were thinking." He whispers, and the other three members retreat slowly. IV looks down at where his hand was, realizing that his grip had become even more firm, his eyes widening and darting back to Y/N's. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was... I... I should go. Um, sorry, again. So sorry."

IV let go of Y/N, and shook his head as he fixed his hood to follow the rest of the band. He continously swore to himself. He couldn't simply brush off what he just did. Y/N glanced at the dots of black paint that had been left on her skin. She wasn't offended at all by what IV did. Disturbed? Maybe. The guys had their ups and downs. Their highs and lows. Y/N has bared witness to almost all of them. This, wasn't knew. IV wouldn't hurt her. For that matter, no member of the band would.

But what he said, still caught her off guard. He didn't like the event organizer? IV clearly looked furious when he turned to face Y/N, but she had really never seen him truly angry before. Frustrated with the small things like breaking the low E string of course, but with something like this? But again that added on to the long list of things that happened to be unusual in the past few days. First the seemingly unbreakable string on most guitars snaps, and then IV, snaps. But Y/N refused to judge. It came to mind that thee was a chance he was going through something in his life that must be difficult to deal with. Family problems or maybe some personal ones. It wasn't her place to judge and she was aware of it.

Y/N stepped down to the booth where all the lights were being managed. In assisting the other light engineer, she helped to make sure the right colored lights were associated with the right song. As the band started their set, she nodded, confirming that everything was going well on the electronics side. The lights blinked red and she looked up at IV who glanced at her for a split second. In her head, an image of his eyes transitioning from cerulean to crimson flashed almost immediately.

"Y/N, do you see something wrong with one of the lights?" The other engineer raised a brow, trying to catch a glimpse of what she was staring at.

"Uh, no. Just got a little bit of something on my mind, that's all." She mumbled, adjusting the light colors again for the next half of the song.

After sitting down for the rest of the set, with all of the pre-programmed lights working accordingly, Y/N felt a bit uneasy looking up at the stage. Every glance at IV made her feel, unusual. She couldn't explain what the feeling was, even to herself. Like her heart was racing but not out of fear, but rather, for something else. After 2 more songs, it felt as if her whole body was screaming at her to look at him again. And so she did, locking eyes with him once more.

"Hey, if you're not feeling alright, you can head back to the hotel." The other engineer smiled. "I'm pretty sure that no one would be upset with you getting some rest. Come on, you've been preparing for this festival for a while."

"But what if something goes wrong with the guitars. I need to... I need-"

"I think what you need, is a very long nap. I'll tell the guys. Don't worry!"

Y/N nodded, and went to go grab her backpack halfway through The Offering. Even as IV was jumping around on stage, he glanced at the light booth, where only one person was sitting. A quick look around to the left, and he saw Y/N packing her belongings.

He grew restless throughout the whole show. IV tried his best to enjoy everything, the energy of the crowd, the music, and the wonderful light show, and... He just couldn't. Growing tense near the last song, he pressed down on the fretboard of his Jackson guitar, and broke the lowest string. Again. Luckily, it was after the last note of the song had been played, and the 4 of them could finally leave the stage.

"What the hell did you do this time?" Vessel shook his head, adjusting his hood. "Dig your nails into her skin and expect her to want to stay? You're mad."

"I just-" IV started.

"Just what man?" III's laugh sounded like a cocktail of anger and disappointment. "Oh yeah, 'just because you think I like this girl that was flirting with me, I don't and hope you know that.' What the actual fuck was that? You better pray to Sleep you didn't scare her away forever. Fuck."

"Oh." Vessel lets out a small chuckle, staring at IV.

"Don't you read my thoughts. Not now." IV sets his guitar down in the rack, the lowest string slumping over the other slots in the rack.

"The problem is not that I can read your thoughts, rather, that I can't." Vessel's lips crooned, and the rest of them knew that he was squinting under his mask. "What blessing has Sleep given you that I cannot fathom?"

"I don't want to speak about it."

"Mate, you do realize we can help you, if you need it." II placed his hand on IV's shoulder.

"You need to learn when to shut your mouth." A low growl escaped IV's lips.

"You need to learn when to calm down!" III's eyes widened, raising his voice to gain the vessel's attention.

"You need to learn to keep your hands off of Y/N, you bastard." IV's eyes shifted from blue to crimson again, and III stifled a whimper in his throat.

"Oh my, Sleep." II took a couple steps away. "You're one of 'em? One of 'em servants of Sleep that uh... Needs to do... That thing... That process to stay alive? How long have you been this way?"

Although III, was still partially terrified, he let out a small giggle, followed by a few words that sounded like "he means sex, doesn't he." IV's eyes returned back to their original color, and he inhaled sharply in a brief attempt to calm himself, which inevitably failed.

"That makes you, quite... Um..." Vessel gulped, biting the inside of his lip. "Promiscuous, does it not?"

IV shook, his head, which earned him some odd looks from the rest of the band. It was true, he would indeed die, if he didn't, in his words, "participate in some ungodly practices" frequently. He hadn't the slightest idea how he was still alive, but he had ignored it for the most part. IV was still willing and able to go up on stage for rituals, so, he hadn't thought much of the idea.

"You're a fucking incubus and you're not having sex? How the hell are you alive? How are you not a whor-" III questioned him loudly, and II elbowed him in the ribs to get him to quiet down. "Jeez, fucking christ I get it."

"Dunno. Just, don't want to." IV shrugs, and the whole band goes quiet as one of the crew members passes by to help pack some of the gear up.

"I thought you were actually trying to flirt with that event organizer earlier?" Vessel raised a brow, crossing his arms.

"She was trying to flirt with me, and I wouldn't budge. Then I heard Y/N thinking that I liked the woman and I flipped. I don't know what happened, I just, couldn't take it anymore."

"So you know Y/N likes you? As in, has been fancying you for the past 4 years and hasn't said a thing?" III piped up again, knowing that IV's angry actions were practically unpredictable. "Speaking of Y/N, where is she?"

"I scared her away."

"Excuse me?" II furrowed his brows, setting his box of drumsticks down, hard. "You, what?"

"Either she knows that I'm not, human, or, she thinks she's insane." IV exhaled sharply, his head finding a small bit of peace in the palms of his hands. "Fuck me."

"She's probably at the hotel, you should talk to her." III replied, and IV sighed.

"So I can go off and scare her again? No thank you, I'm fine. And I'm quite sure she is without... Without me."

"Praise be to Sleep you are infatuated with this woman." Vessel shook his head. "For the love of all that is holy, if you do not speak to Y/N, I will do so for you."

"And what the fuck will you say, Vessel? 'Nice to see you again Y/N! Yeah, did you know, that IV likes you just as you like him, and oh yeah, he is a demon, whose existence relies off the fact that he has to FUCK SOMEONE! Oh yeah! See you later!' What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with all of you?" IV stormed off, and the other three refused to follow him.

~~timey wimey skip~~

Y/N dropped her bag on the floor, and crawled into bed before grabbing one of the blankets she brought and tossed it over herself. She couldn't recall how fast it was before she fell asleep.

After blinking a few times, she sat up in bed, except the room... She wasn't in the hotel anymore. This was, home... This was her home. Her house. This was her bedroom. Y/N began to hyperventilate, and that feeling that something was caught in her chest earlier, returned. She looked around before a black-painted hand landed on her shoulder. In a frenzy, she pushed the person down against the bed, and it took a second to realize.

"IV? What are you, what are we... What the hell?" She let go of him, sliding back to the other side of the bed. "What are you doing here, what are we doing here? I'm at the hotel. How..."

"Please, I'm sorry. I'm making you like this. I don't want you to feel like this."

"Oh there's nothing wrong with me I'm fin-" Y/N was cut off by the tightening in her chest becoming worse by the second. "God, damn it!"

"How do I? I don't know how to..."

"What the hell are you doing, IV?" Y/N blinked a few times, squinting at him.

"I'm an incubus. I'm a fucking incubus and that's why you're in pain. This is a dream."

Y/N stared at him, the pain of confusion striking her harder than the actual physical pain she was dealing with. Every fibre of IV's being was screaming at him to hold her hand, to just do anything in his power to comfort her. She was in pain, and desperate for answers.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude. I shouldn't have, I-"

"IV."

"Yes?"

"You, are a sex demon?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Is every member of Sleep Token, one or is it just you?"

"Just me, but every member of the band isn't human." Words kept leaping out of IV's mouth and he couldn't stop himself. "You aren't, scared of me? Y/N, I could hurt you, I could kill you."

"IV, I, know none of you are human." Y/N began to bite the tip of her tongue as the pain started to become a little worse. "Vessel reads minds; I'm not sure what II and III can do but, III invades my dreams to play video games with me sometimes."

"III is finding his way into your dreams?" IV's eyes shift colors again. "Fucker doesn't know when to stay away."

"Whoa, whoa, he's like a brother to you isn't he? Because I know he's like one to m-" Y/N was interuppted by IV tearing his mask off and pressing his lips against hers.

She pulled back, seeing his crimson eyes in their full glory, alongside how his back teeth were as sharp as his canines. Her eyes darted from one inhuman feature to another, which caused IV to panic. He turned to the mirror behind him to realize what he had revealed to her. He crawled backwards before he reached the foot of the bed.

"No, I shouldn't be doing this. Not to you."

"IV, I'm not scared of you!"

"You don't get it. This pain you feel, it's some sick way of getting to to sleep with me. Some fucking power I can't control. God, you may not even love me."

"Excuse me?"

"This attraction you feel to me is because some ability I harbor. You don't love me. You can't, it's not possible. I need to go."

"IV, wait."

Y/N pulled out a small necklace hidden behind her shirt, and revealed it to IV.

"Vessel gave me this the day I got the job. Said I would need it or you four would give me a headache." Y/N pressed her hand against IV's chest. "It's so none of your guys' weird mind controlling powers can get to me. IV, I fucking give a shit about you and there's nothing you can do to change that. The fangs, the eyes, the fact that you're a damn incubus. Nothing, will ever change that, you hear me?"

IV paused, and his lips crashed into Y/N's again. She wrapped his arms around him, pulling his hood down. After scooting into his lap, he pressed her against the bed. Her hands were entwined in his hair, as he dived in for another kiss, this one being more hungry than the last.

"Are you okay, with this, with, all of this?" IV whispered against her neck.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna add onto a few years of your life because of this right?"

IV snickered and pressed another kiss to her lips, entwined the fingers of one of his hands with hers. In another kiss, her tongue grazed one of his sharp molars, but the two ignored the coppery taste left behind.

He pulled his heavy jacket off before beginning to kiss and bite softly around Y/N's collarbone, mumbling praises after every single one, drawing a small moan from the bottom of her throat.

"I'm sorry." IV apologized again, and Y/N mumbled a "why" in response.

Her eyes shot open, realizing that she was still in the hotel room. It was almost pitch black, and a figure emerged from the darkness, crawling onto the bed next to her.

"We're finishing this outside of the dream." IV tossed his mask, jacket, and shirt onto the chair by the window before crawling above Y/N and resuming where he left off.

Y/N practically ripped off her shirt, as she placed her hand on his clothed member, earning a moan from him, which he attempted to stifle with another kiss.

"Oh no darling." IV smirked, hooking his fingers along the waistbands of her shorts and undergarments. "I think this part should just be, about you."

He dove in almost immediately, and she could feel her walls clench at the mere exposure of herself to him. IV licked slowly, up and down her slit, maintaining eye contact with Y/N the whole time.

"Oh my god IV..." She moaned, holding onto him by the locks of his hair.

He pressed 2 fingers against her slit, before rubbing small circles on it. IV leaned into another kiss, before his kisses started trailing down her chest. Almost instantly, he pressed 2 fingers inside of her.

"So wet for me huh?" IV chuckled, in an attempt to stifle a small moan from himself, as he felt his member grow harder against his pants. "Fucking beautiful."

"IV please just..."

"What do you want, darlin'?" His eyes were glowing red at this point, and for once, he didn't care for it.

"I want to-"

"What do you want?" He pulled both of his fingers out of her, placing them into his mouth, and closing his eyes before letting out a small groan. "Fuck, you taste delightful."

IV was in a rush to rid himself of his pants and his own undergarments, before pressing small kisses on Y/N's neck again. She could feel how soaked she was, how even the insides of her thighs were coated with her own juices. And this new sight, made her walls clench at nothing.

"Please IV. Just please..."

"You want me inside you, sweetheart? That what you want?" IV tapped his member against her slit a few times, a sadistic chuckle leaving his mouth as Y/N's desperate attempts to gain friction were fruitless. "I need to hear you say it."

"Fucking hell, IV, I need you to fuck me for God's sake!"

"Anything for you darling, anything for you." He aligned himself before pressing into her.

Y/N let out a loud gasp, as she underestimated how large his member actually was. Wrapping her arms around him, she clawed at his back, earning a small growl from him. His pace was slow and deadly. IV made sure that the two of them would savor every single moment of this event. While Y/N was reduced to a pool of moans, IV's occasional growl or low chuckle seemingly made her worse. It took only seconds before IV had kept hitting the right spot, over and over. He leaned in, sinking his teeth into her neck, as if she didn't have enough marks already. Y/N returned the favor, leaving small hickies up and down his neck, to which he responded by crashing his lips into hers while his cock was still buried deep inside of her.

"You gonna cum for me darling?"

Y/N could only moan in response, as she felt IV's warm breath on her neck again, the precursor to the feeling of sweet release that hit both of them simultaneously. IV landed on his back next to her, entwining his fingers with hers again.

"Was that, uhm, good?" IV turned his neck to face her.

"IV, that, was the best thing. Ever." Y/N let out a small laugh, proceeding to cuddle more into him. "I'm just a bit tired now, that's all. "

IV's fangs retracted and his eyes returned to their normal shade of blue.

"Still can't believe we went from terrified to talking to each other to..."

"You having sex with an incubus? Well, there's a first time for everything I guess."

"Do you still feel like you want to kill III?"

"No." IV mumbled, placing his head atop hers as there bodies pressed against each other's softly. "We belong to each other now, and I think we have enough marks to prove it. Now, darling, you can rest. Because in your waking moments, know that I will be there too."

"Good night IV." Y/N pressed her face against her chest. "I-I love you."

"I love you too, Y/N. I love you too." He smiled.

~fin~

A/N

WOOOOOO IT'S OVER yeah there may be a part two. Perhaps? Mayhaps? Anyways I hope yall liked it, and I hope my smut wasn't awful because I am TIRED like DAMN. But still, once again, I hope yall enjoyed and I will see you in the next one!! <3 the chances of the next one being less horny and more wholesome are high.

[jrjeremy]

what if... Gorillaz at their most worst in which phase album-wise ((from what Ive thought about!!!))

Murdoc – Wish You Wear Ear (Song Machine, Season One: Strange Timez), originally I was gonna go for Plastic Beach but that album was already the point of where the band was at their lowest.. it's a tad tricky but Song Machine had Murdoc acting up unusual from his character, youve seen that man crawl up into a ball and cry which was from the assumption of him thinking the band left him for good, to him going absurd over portals in Kong...

If all honestly Song Machine was him being at his most strangest timez (get it..? strange... timez, heehe), I would've said for him he was at the absolute worst during his childhood if only it was composed into an album, wouldn't really want that though.. Broken was already sad enough to hear coming from him :c

Noodle – Escape To Plastic Beach (Plastic Beach), phase 3 was definitely something huge for Gorillaz that I would've just about put Plastic Beach for almost everyone in the band, for the most part though, Noodle had definitely went through a tad too much during Plastic Beach... know that Noodle is pretty as chaotic as Murdoc is but in a good way unlike Murdoc

Though in Plastic Beach.. see the lore behind the whole phase is already huge enough, but as for being separated and taken away from the people you were supposed to be with, accidentally releasing a demon that you then had to hunt down by yourself, only to then having to deal with a cyborg version of yourself that tried to attack someone close that you know aka. the exact person who built that cyborg replica of you....

Easily you can get a lot of things wrong in the lore of Plastic Beach, but there's no doubt that Noodle had a pretty big experience in Plastic Beach than the rest of the phases, if none other, a really huge impact on her too!!

2-Dee – No More Unicorns Anymore (The Now Now), alright this one is definitely obvious, never have I heard 2D sound this sad in an entire album, add on with the fact that The Now Now was entirely written by him is just heartbreaking :C

To summarise, you basically had Murdoc being thrown in jail for drugs far far away from the rest of the band, and so without Murdoc, you have the first track in The Now Now, which is Humility, upon from the music video a lot of people gotten the thought that 2D was happy because Murdoc was in jail... now see, that would've been the case, if ONLY the rest of the WHOLE album hadn't had the saddest songs you've ever gotten out of Gorillaz, andd cause of that, I've gotten the thought that Humility was 2D just having some time by himself free of charge with the rest without Murdoc because he had the thinking of "He'll be back soon" only to realise that later on it'll be a lot more longer than just soon, I have no evidence of this so it's only up to my assumption, but MIGHTY is the rest of the songs just... really real sad..

((three sections of out of topic talk about the songs in The Now Now below))

One of the songs I heard before listening to the whole album was Souk Eye, and that was the end track of the album according to the listing, I thought it was already the saddest song or at least the most heart inducing song ever made from Gorillaz, and you just never really expected these songs to come out of Gorillaz... so, that was for Souk Eye, UNTIL I for once heard the rest of the album

I HAD NEVER SEEN ANYBODY, EVER TALKED ABOUT, FIRE FLIES.

This was a song I REALLY REALLY least expected over the name of the song itself, and IT REALLY, REALLY MAKES MY HEART JUST..... FEEL WAY TOO MUCH, that's not even the only song, in fact the rest of the album has it's songs in this really... really heavy, heartfelt, heartbreaking impact, but bet on me that Fire Flies is ultimately the song that had gotten me feeling the most from the entire album, to the point it made Souk Eye look happier than a song named FIRE FLIES...

If all, Humility really felt like a break for the least expected only to be hit right in the face right after that, from how I perceive the album along with through it's lyrics, it showcases just how 2D has been feeling through for however long he had been all while Murdoc wasn't around, and these songs just show that 2D really wasn't doing well..

From the track listing, The Now Now seemed like it was... this will sound insane but representing the five stages of grief for 2D, youve already gotten denial from the start, onto the rest which in some was pretty hard to tell that you might have to feel it through the song in order to tell it's there, for such like you could probably tell there's bargaining in Kansas, then you have anger in Sorcererz which isn't necessarily supposed to be an outrage in order to know that it's anger, and then there's some songs that sort of feel more to the type of thinking back to the past like memories, those being like Idaho and Magic City... and boy did the depression stage really kick in, Fire Flies and One Percent just really touches your heart in the worst way possible, especially with the fact it's coming from our boy 2D it makes it even more worst.....

This is why I said Souk Eye sounded a lot more happier, as to it's like the very ending which leads to the last stage of grief, didn't really know what happened after The Now Now like right after Murdoc got back to the band, but Souk Eye does still touch your heart, except it's a lot more comforting than the previous two songs you've heard, no doubt it's still really sad though.. but it's also just really warming too, the songs in the album itself really just explains how this phase was the worst for 2D to had ever been

Russel – Celebrity Take Down (Gorillaz), this one's a really tough one, again could've said for Plastic Beach as all that happened to Russ was that he tried to off himself only to mutate into a huge godzilla size of himself, though in the first album.. well before the album itself, Russel wouldnt have gotten any chances to be in the band if only he wasn't kidnapped by Murdoc himself, just as bad as how 2D joined the band

Though that might not count, in the debut studio album Russel was first introduced with a ghostly friend possessing him which lasted until or before Demon Days came in, even when it didn't really seemed that bad while Dell was around taking over Russel's mind, it was definitely the most interesting version of Russel since other than the first album, you kind of have Russel not really taking in the worst in the other phases, really didn't really got anything from Russel out of Cracker Island since he was just hypnotised by a television static for the entire album

know that I haven't covered everything that was made or confirmed by Gorillaz!!! So far I'm only giving my thoughts based on the albums I've listened to, so I may not be too keen on the entire lore of Gorillaz, neither do I know much about the books too!! c:

[awsugar]

Did frank see you?

yea so basically we decided to do barricade for dunes at adjacent bc we dont have vip for the tour so this is like our only chance for dunes barricade for a while, plus it was only 4 hours from doors til they went on which is like NOTHING compared to when we did barricade for my chem at riot fest and wwwy. 4 hours is so easy. also i wouldnt wait 13 hours for dunes ANYWAY lets make that clear.

but anyway during dunes set frank didnt like acknowledge us or make eye contact which is like kind of normal, even at his solo shows he rarely opens his eyes or looks out at the crowd. like obviously he would sometimes, like when he talks to the crowd he doesnt do it with his eyes closed. but like franks eyes being closed while onstage or not looking at the crowd is pretty normal. which is interesting that i got like so much eye contact on mcr tour but i thought aboiut it over the weekend and i think its bc mcr tour was arenas. and like when youre playing small venues like ive seen frank and dunes in, you can see everyone. and i think like one of the reasons he doesnt look out much is due to anxiety ygm. he still gets nervous :( but like in an arena its kind of just like a black abyss out there past the view of the stage lights and you can just make out the first row or so, so he was more prone to looking out from time to time and making eye contact with people.

BUT ANYWAY. so the band that was on the dunes stage before dunes was off! which was like. really strange vibe. the WHITE singer had dreads down past his knees. their setlist was three pages long...and like he was insulting the crowd and saying we had as much energy as senior citizens 😭 but because dunes were on that stage after them thats when all the guys and their crew started milling around backstage and stuff and we could see them obv cause it was broad daylight. but no frank.....until he came like around the corner at one point. and like its like omg frank :D is right there. but you dont want to stare. but he was watching the band and started taking either pics or a video and the angle he was taking them at like obviously it was of the band, but it had a direct view of me and my friends on barricade. so maybe he clocked us as being there on his side of the stage barricade....bc he knows who we are and we clearly didnt know the band that was playing lmao. idk.

BUT THEN. later that night i was high as fuck watching the succession finale while my friend tattooed a jalapeño on my leg and someone revealed to us that the singer with the like 4 foot white dreads was in fact keith morris. of black flag. who frank cornered in a convenience store in la and made him do backing vocals on hang em high which are in the song but the mixing was done so that they are fully indiscernible and no one has ever heard them. and i was like whaaaaatttttt the fuck......really crazy stuff

[ashleycatchemm]

1-12: Home Is Where My Horse Is

Part 12 of ??

Pairings: Reggie x Reader, Like x Julie, Alex x Willie

Summary: (Y/n) (L/n) has been able to see and feel ghosts ever since she was little, which made it hard to tell the ghosts from the humans. Everyone has always thought she was a bit crazy, even her best friends, Julie and Flynn. But when three ghosts with a love for music appear in Julie's garage, suddenly (Y/n) doesn't seem so crazy anymore.

Song: Home Is Where My Horse Is (Reggie Peters [Jeremy Shada])

Season 1 Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

♬♩♪♩♬♩♪♩♬♩👻 ♪♩♬♩♪♩♬♩♪♩

The next couple of weeks were spent with the band, working on songs and bonding as a band. I found out that Alex is in fact gay, and when I passed the information on to Willie, he was ecstatic. My nights consisted of mostly Reggie, and of course work. The two of us spent the nights sitting and talking, and watching a movie here and there.

"Wait. So you're telling me that you think C3PO is better than R2-D2?"

Right now we were sat on my bed watching Starwars: Episode IV - A New Hope on my laptop. Our bodies close together, arms and legs practically touching, the laptop sitting on our legs between the two of us. It was almost the end of the movie, the X-Wing starfighter pilots and Luke were all trying to take down the Death Star.

I shrugged and looked over at Reggie as he stared at me in disbelief "I'm just saying that C3PO is more technologically advanced, since he's more human like than R2 is." I looked back at the screen I could feel Reggies eyes on me for a couple of seconds more before stating "Yeah, but R2 is just as technologically advanced, if anything he's more advanced." I looked over at him in confusion while asking "How so?" A small smirk graced Reggies lips as he started to explain.

"Well, R2 can hack into things, he can fly an X-Wing without having the pilot on board, and he is just the best droid ever"

I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle while waving my hand in front of him. "Okay, okay, fine, but that last reason isn't a reason. It's an opinion." He shook his head letting out a small laugh before responding "It's more of a fact than an opinion" he sent me a wink as I rolled my eyes and let out a huff in amusement.

The two of us went back to watching the movie, ending soon afterwards. Once the credits started rolling, I shut my laptop and put it on the floor next to my bed. "I still can't get over the fact that you can have a portable computer." Reggie said as he got up and stretched out his arms and back.

I got up as well while walking over to the door of my room "It's called a laptop." Opening the door, Reggie seemed to notice I was leaving so he appeared outside the door. "Well, yeah whatever it is, it's really cool." Reggie stated, a smile on his face. This caused me to smile and shake my head as I walked down the hallway, Reggie trailing close behind "It's not that amazing" I said, Reggie's voice could be heard in response behind me "To a guy that's been dead since 1995, that stuff is pretty amazing" I let out a small chuckle in response as I started my decent down the stairs.

Reggie suddenly appeared at the bottom of the steps, causing me to roll my eyes at his lazy behavior. I walked past him as I stated "You know, just because you're a ghost, doesn't mean you should jump from place to place. Use the stairs like a normal person." Reggie disappeared again as I made my way through the living room, only for him to reappear sitting on the couch in front of me. I stopped in front of Reggie, arms crossed, expecting some kind of response.

"It saves time. Plus, it's fun."

He shrugged, and I was quick to counter without thinking "Just because something is fun, doesn't mean you should do it." I felt heat rise to my cheeks as the end of his lips twitched up into a small smirk, a glimmer of amusement could be seen in his eyes.

"I think if you asked any man on earth, they'd disagree with that sentence."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned to walk off into the kitchen. Reggie suddenly appeared in the cased opening in front of me, his arms out against the wooden frame of the cased opening on both sides of him. The smirk still present on his face as he stared down at me, I rolled my eyes for the third time that day as I stared at the dark haired bassist in front of me.

"You know if you you keep doing that you'll drain all your energy."

He let out a chuckle before responding "You know if you keep doing that your eyes will eventually roll to the back of your head" Reggie crossed his arms across his chest, as he leaned his shoulder against the frame of the cased opening. I let out a small huff in amusement, as I shook my head while moving past him into the kitchen.

I went over to the cabinet and opened it, looking over it for the (f/s). Once I found it, I tried to reach for it, only for my fingers to just graze it, I wasn't tall enough to reach it. Suddenly, I felt someone lean over me, as a hand reached up to grab the (f/s). Slowly looking over next to me, my eyes sat on Reggie's necklace, my face currently in line with his chest, my cheeks heating up from how close he was.

I could feel my heart beating faster within my chest, as I looked up at him, my eyes resting on his perfect face. His green eyes that always seemed to be shining in happiness, glared at the (f/s) as his hand kept going through the box. His brows creased in frustration, a slightly angry look sat on his face, a look that seemed almost unnatural on Reggie. I watched as he let out an aggravated huff before going to slam his hands on the counter, only for them to go right through it. Reggie yelled in anger "Damn it!" a hand came up and grabbed the (f/s) "Reggie." He ignored me as he brought his arm back to throw the snack. "Reggie!" I yelled while grabbing his arm to stop him from chucking the box.

His head whipped over in my direction, his hard glare softening once his eyes met mine. Reggie didn't need to say anything, I was quick to nod my head over to the arm I grabbed "Look." I stated. Reggie's eyes drifted over to the box in his hand, only for his forest green eyes to widen in amazement, as a giant smile slowly formed on his lips. "Holy shit!" He let out a short laugh out of joy "I did it!" He continued, which caused me to smile in response.

Reggie looked back over at me, his arms suddenly came up wrapping around me out of happiness, pulling me closer to him. My eyes went wide in surprise, but I slowly wrapped my arms around him in response, a small sigh leaving my lips as I relaxed. 'Why does this feel so right?' His arms felt like the safest place on earth, I didn't want to leave.

Feeling my heart beat faster I rested my cheek against his chest, closing my eyes, I just focused on Reggie. Suddenly the sound of a box dropping to the ground could be heard. "I dropped it..." This caused a giggle to resonate from me, and Reggie was soon to follow in a fit of laughs and giggles.

♬♩♪♩♬♩♪♩♬♩👻 ♪♩♬♩♪♩♬♩♪♩

"Okay, so did Luke write all your songs when you guys were alive?"

Reggie shrugged while leaning forward,a smile on his face. I could feel a tug in my chest, causing me to want to lean forward as well, but I leaned back in my chair as I took a (f/s) and tossed it in my mouth. Reggies smile seemed to falter a little as I leaned back, but it was almost unnoticeable as the smile was quick to reappear in a second or two. "Basically, yeah. He wrote practically all our songs." Rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes drifted down towards the counter as he continued "I did write some songs but Luke never liked them." I raised a brow in confusion.

Without realizing it, I started leaning forward a bit in my seat as to get closer to the boy in front of me. "Well, why not?" I asked, my elbows sitting on the counter in front of me. Reggie shrugged while rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. I watched as his eyes drifted down to the counter in front of us, a sheepish smile on his face "Its just..." his eyes looked back up into mine.

Letting out a small sigh, Reggie sat up in his seat, hands on the table, his fingers interlocked. "Back when the three of us were..."he nodded his head a little from side to side, a small glimpse of a frown making its way to his face as he avoided the word all together, he continued "ya know..." I nodded my head, understanding what word he was trying to explain but avoid at the same time. It was almost as if he was scared to say it, like he hasn't accepted the fact that he's dead, and refuses to accept it. I've seen this before in ghosts, they are scared that saying the word would mean that it would all be real. Most ghosts are scared of coming to terms with things and accepting that it's all real, but there are the few who aren't, and turn to seaking revenge on those who wronged them. Those, are the worst ghosts.

Reggie stared at me for a couple of seconds, before clearing his throat and looking off to the side "Anyway, I've always loved country music, ever since I was little." A small smile crossed my lips as he looked back at me. "Really?" I asked "I didn't peg you for the country type." His smile dropped a little, he let out a huff as he explained "I know, the leather jacket and ripped jeans really throws you off doesn't it?" He gestured to his black ripped jeans, his black leather jacket currently not on him. I brought my elbow on the table as I rested my chin in the palm of my hand.

I shrugged in response to his question while stating "Just a little, you look like you'd be more into rock." He sent me a smile while stating "What can I say? I'm a country boy at heart." he brought his hand up, pretending there was a cowboy hat on his head. Reggie brought the fake hat down, and clicked his tongue, all while sending me a wink. This caused a giggle to arise from me in response as I rolled my eyes and waved my hand in front of the two of us, to distract myself from the blush rising on my cheeks.

Reggie chuckled at my reaction, bringing his hand back onto the table in front of us. "So yeah, I loved country, and still do." Reggie's eyes stayed on mine for a couple of seconds longer, as if lost in his own thoughts, he was quick to clear his throat as his eyes drifted down to his fidgety hands on the table, tapping to a random beat. "I ended up writing some country songs here and there, hoping that maybe one day, the band could go country." He explained as he shrugged his shoulders, he stopped tapping his hands, a sigh left his lips in disappointment.

"But, he never wanted to go country, didn't even want to listen to my songs either. Luke was never much of a country person."

I watched as a small frown made its way onto Reggie's face. I felt a tug in my chest as I stared at his frowning face, the tug only became greater the longer I stared at him, causing me to quickly try to find a way to make it go away. "Can I hear them?" I was quick to blurt out, Reggie looked up at me in confusion. "Your songs. Can I hear your songs?" Reggie still stared at me, slightly confused as he tilted his head in question.

"You wanna hear my songs?"

The look on his face caused a smile to grace my lips, he looked like a confused puppy. I nodded my head, letting out a small giggle  "Yes. I want to hear your songs." I stated in confirmation. Reggie sat there staring at me still in confusion, for a second or two as he slowly processed my words. A smile slowly formed on his lips, as Reggie stuttered, out a response "O-Oh. O-Okay. I just um.." he let out a small huff, replacing a laugh as he held up his hands.

"Just... Give me a second."

He stated, before disappearing. I let out a light chuckle while getting up and making my way back to my room. 'There has to be an answer to what is happening to me, somewhere in my grandmothers...' I was quick to fix my own statement in my head, as I made my way up the steps. 'In the magic books.' I couldn't even bring myself to call the books my own. I always felt as if I didn't deserve them, and that my grandmother should've given them to someone who knows what they're doing.

Once I made it into my room, I headed straight for the closet. Opening it, I kneeled down and started pushing the shoeboxes aside in order to get to the secret compartment in the back wall. I was quick to open the compartment, grabbing both books, while holding a hand out to keep the candles from coming out of the compartment.  I held the brown book in my lap as I skimmed through the pages for the one hundredth time, still finding no traces of anything I'm going through.

Slamming the brown leather encased book, I let out a huff out of annoyance and stress as my hands sat on the book. "Damn it." My eyes held anger in them, as they drifted over to the black book with the purple pentagram on it. I swore to myself that I'd never touch that book ever again after what happened. 'I have to at least look.' I tried to convince myself to pick it up. As my hand reached over to it, a voice spoke up from behind me "Watcha doin'?" The sound of Reggie's sweet voice, caused me to jump a little in surprise.

My head turned quickly in order to look at the bass player behind me, eyes wide as I stated quietly "Reggie.." he smiled as he walked over next to me "Yes, that is my name" he chuckled as he sat down next to me, looking at the two books in front of us. "Were you gonna cast a spell?" I blinked a couple of times "Wh-what?" Reggie glanced over at me as I quickly looked down at the leather brown book in front of me, feeling heat rise to my cheeks.

"N-No. I told you. I don't do magic anymore."

I stated as I picked up both of the books, Reggie asked "So then what were you doing with the books?" I shoved them back in the compartment in front of me "I was looking for something" shutting the door to it, I stood up, shut the closet doors and turned around to face him, causing Reggie to quickly stand up as well. "What were you looking for?" He asked, I shook my head a little "Doesn't matter." I stated in response before shoving my hands in my sweatshirt pockets.

Reggie's brows furrowed a small frown making its way to his lips as my eyes drifted down to the notebook being held in his right hand. A smile graced my lips as I asked "Is that your song book?" My eyes drifted back up to look at him, only to see him quickly close his mouth as if he was about to say something but stopped himself.

Lifting his hand up a small bit to take a quick glance at the book at his hand, he was quick to confirm "Oh, um, sorta..." he rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at me, while letting out a chuckle of embarrassment he continued "This um, this is just a place where I write down my thoughts." I nodded my head in understanding. Clearing his throat as he rocked back and fourth on his feet Reggie continued with a shrug "I mean I do also, have some songs written in here" Reggie's forest green eyes glanced off to the side before looking back at my (e/c) ones.

A smile sat on my face as I instinctively grabbed his hand while stating "Come on" I started walking off, dragging him with me. I must've taken him by surprise, because he stumbled along behind me "W-What?" Reggie stated as I let out a light chuckle. Glancing back at the bassist behind me, who now regained his balance and is walking normally I was quick to say "I want to hear your songs." Looking back in front of me, my eyes set on our destination, which sat at the end of the hall.

Reggie let out a light chuckle before stating "They aren't all that great." We made it to the music room as I walked in and stated "To Luke, they aren't. But you have no idea what I think." I let go of Reggie's hand as I turned around to face him "Pick your poison." I continued, gesturing to all the instruments around me. I watched Reggie's eyes go wide from all the instruments "Holy shit!" He stated with a laugh in amazement.

I watched as he went over to look at each instrument, examining them in excitement. "Your parents must be rich as hell" I stared at the back of Reggie's head in slight confusion, before shaking my head a little and saying "Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that." He turned back around to look at me, changing the subject completely.

"So, What song do you want me to sing first?"

I raised my brows at him in amusement, only for him to get confused as to why I'm making that face. My arms crossed across my chest in an amused manor as I stated "Reggie." He hummed in response, still staring at me in confusion "how am I supposed to know what song I want..." I continued "...if I haven't looked at the songs?" Reggie opened his mouth to speak up, only for him to quickly shut it. His face slowly turned red out of embarrassment "My bad." he let out an embarrassed laugh before walking back over to me.

Reggie stood in front of me, holding out his book to me, I went to grab it only for him to quickly pull it out of my reach. Reggies smile slowly left, as a serious look over took his features "(Y/n)." This grabbed my attention right away, causing me to look up into the forest green eyes I've come to be so drawn to. "This book is my most prized possession...." He glanced down at the book in his hands before looking back into my (e/c) eyes "I need you to promise me that you will only look at the pages I tell you too." My breath hitched as Reggie stepped closer to me, desperately waiting for my answer.

My eyes ran over every feature on his face, from his gorgeous eyes that seem to always pull me in, to his pink chapped lips, that I've wanted to feel against my own. I could practically feel my heart racing, hearing it beating in my own ears, I hoped to god that he couldn't hear it too. A breath was drawn out of me, as my (e/c) eyes drifted back up to look into his, I quickly responded to him.

"I promise."

Reggie let out a sigh in (what seemed like) relief as he slowly placed his notebook in my hands, our hands brushing against each other in the process. Reggie sent me a small smile and cleared his throat before backing away slowly "Pages 16, 18, 24, 25, and 32 are where the songs are." He stated while turning back around to walk towards the instruments and continue looking through them. I was quick to ask "You label your pages?" Reggie shook his head in response, as he looked over the blue and white bass "Nah, the pages came already numbered." I let out a hum in response as he tried to pick up the bass, only for his arms to go right through it.

I shook my head a little in amusement before looking down at the notebook in my hands. I opened it and was quick to flip to page 16, I read over the song as it didn't really stick out to me. As I read over each song, nothing stuck out to me until I got to page 25.

'Home is where my horse is.'

I read the title of the song in my head, letting out a small "Huh..." as I read the song over. Reggie must've heard me cause he ended up responding "What's up?" He asked, while making his way over to me. "No, I just, uh..." he glanced over my shoulder, only to notice that Home Is Where My Horse Is seemed to have my attention. He let out a huff in amusement before stating "I actually like that one. Do you want me to play it?" I looked over at the handsome bassist next to me, as he stared down at me. A smile graced my lips in response "I'd love to hear you play it." A wide smile appeared on his lips as he let out an almost air like chuckle along with a cough, before rubbing his neck and looking off to the side.

"I um... I can't really, um... you're gonna have to play the guitar."

He stated, I sent him a smile, along with a shake of my head before handing his notebook back to him, which he happily took back. "Which guitar?" I asked as I made my way over to the different guitars in the room "Uh, Classical." My eyes scanned over the guitars, fixating them on the light brown classical guitar once I found it. I grabbed it and put the strap over my head before turning around, only to see Reggie sitting on the stool in the middle of the room. The microphone also sat in front of him on the stand, but it was a bit shorter than needed for him, considering the fact that I was the last one to use it.

"You know.."

I started to say as I made my way over to him, guitar in hand. "One of my friends, that's a ghost, actually told me about a few things." I brought a stool over to sit in front of him as he raised a brow at me, an amused smile crossing his lips. "Oh, yeah? Like what?" Reggie asked, as I sat down in the stool, a small giggle escaping my lips as I took the strap of the guitar off me. "Well, for one..." moving the guitar over the mic, I handed it to him. "He told me, that if you focus all your energy into your hands, as a ghost, you'll be able to move anything you want." Reggie's eyes grew wide at the sight of the classical guitar in front of him, leaning back a little while putting his hands up.

"No. (Y/n), I can't. What if I drop it? It's an expensive guitar and I-"

I rolled my eyes in response to his slight panic, something in my chest tugging, as I put down the guitar and, as if out of instinct, grabbed his hands with my own. Easily cutting him off and causing his attention to land on me, his doe-like green eyes, staring into my gentle (e/c) ones. "Reggie." I stated a smile on my lips, our foreheads practically inches apart "I trust you." When we got so close? I had no clue. But what I did know, was that I really did trust this boy with my whole heart. Hell, if he wanted to take over the world and start a rebellion, I'd be right there by his side. He could try to convince me that there are aliens on earth and I'd believe him, because that's just how much I trust him.

I felt my heart beating faster within my chest as a warm feeling invaded my cheeks. Reggie nodded his head in response as I cleared my throat and stepped back, taking my hands away in the process. I stated "Besides, you know the cords better than I ever will." Reggie was still silent as he just stared at me, mouth slightly agape, as he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. I picked up the guitar and held it out to him "Just try it." Reggies eyes drifted up to meet mine before looking back down at the guitar between us.

Slowly, Reggie reached out his hands to grab it, brows furrowed in concentration. I watched as his hands went through it at first, pulling his hand back, I watched as his brows furrowed in concentration. Reggies hand grasped the guitar in my hands, his not going through it, he let out a huff in amazement as he managed to grab onto the guitar. A laugh in astonishment left his lips, looking up at me with a smile on his lips, I sent him a smile and nodded my head in response, as if saying he could take it.

His gorgeous green eyes grew wide in excitement as I let out a small giggle before taking the strap off from around me and handing the guitar over to the dark haired bass player in front of me. Wrapping the strap around his shoulder he adjusted the classical guitar before flipping through the pages in his notebook that sat in his lap. I adjusted the mic, so that it would be at his height, before sitting back down in the stool a few feet in front of him, he suddenly stopped flipping through the pages, seeming to have found the song he was looking for.

Reggie looked over the page for a minute or two, before he nodded his head and closed his notebook, dropping it on the floor next to him. A smile sat on my lips, excited to hear him play the song as Reggies eyes looked at his hand on the neck of the instrument. Putting his fingers on the right spots he started strumming the guitar as he sang into the microphone "home..." he looked up at me for a moment, a smile on his face as he looked back down at his left hand at the neck of the guitar.

Readjusting his fingers he strum the guitar while glancing back up at me and singing the next line "what is it really?" His eyes went back to focusing on his left hand, readjusting his fingers before looking back up at me. Strumming the guitar again "Sometimes it's someone and not a place." Glancing back down at his left hand he moved his fingers and strummed the guitar again.

"It's that feeling of being safe"

Reggie moved his fingers again before looking back up at me and strumming the guitar. "It's about who your with at the end of the day..." he stopping playing, a small smirk gracing his features as he stared at me "and for me.." he stated with a wink, causing a giggle to arise out of me, as a warm feeling made its way to my cheeks. Reggie looked back down at his left hand on the neck of the guitar as he played it while singing.

"Home is where my horse is"

I couldn't help the warm feeling in my chest, as I stared at the boy in front of me, who seemed to grab my attention more and more the longer I spend time with him. "Riding through the trees by the river" Reggie is like this giant light in the darkness that is my life. I can't help but to be drawn to him, no matter what he does. "Feel that summer breeze, smile gettin' bigger" The smile on my face, seemed to grow a bit bigger as I listened to him sing, which only caused the warm feeling in my chest to grow.

"Home is where my horse is"

Reggie glanced over at me for a quick second, sending me a smile of his own as his green eyes met my own (e/c) ones. I practically feel my heart skip a beat as my breath got caught in my throat. He looked back down at his left hand "Don't need a house or a roof" My eyes sat trained onto Reggies face as he sang "I just put on the saddle, lace up my boots" I watched as his brows raised ever so often, his eyes shining and full of happiness "Cause home is where my horse is..." he stopped playing and looked over at me.

"2, 3, 4"

He sent me a smile as he went back to playing the guitar "I don't need the streets" his eyes drifted back down to his left hand that sat on the neck of the guitar. Moving his fingers to the right spots "I don't need the city lights" his voice went a bit higher at the word 'lights' "I don't need no fancy car" as I listened to him sing I found myself loving the way his voice sounded "I just hop on my horse and ride" he glanced at me sending me another one of his award winning smiles, which I found myself loving as well.

Looking back down at his left hand he continued "Home is where my horse is" My eyes drifted toward his as they stared down at the guitar neck in concentration, loving the way they always seem to shine full of happiness. "Riding through the trees by the river" My eyes moved up to look at his slightly messed up dark brown hair, a couple of strands sitting over his forehead that he didn't bother fixing. "Feel that summer breeze, smile gettin' bigger" I loved it, wanting to run my hand through his hair, wondering if it would feel as soft as it looks.

"Home is where my horse is"

My thoughts slowly drifted off to all of the days spent with Reggie, one moment in particular sticking out. A moment that happened during one of the first few days he was here.

Reggie and I were currently laying in my bed in silence, it wasn't an awkward one, it was a comfortable one. Neither of us said a word as my eyes started to close, when Reggie suddenly spoke up.

"Can I touch you?"

I widened my eyes at his statement, turning to face him in confusion I noticed his eyes wide as well. He seemed to realize how that sounded as a blush coated his cheeks in embarrassment, he quickly tried to fix his question "I-I mean, I know it sounds weird but-" I cut him off with a small laugh, finding his flustered state amusing and cute. "Go ahead" A wide smile broke through Reggies features as I sat up, him following close behind "Yeah, Yeah okay." He said.

We sat across each other on my bed in a crisscross fashion, Reggie eagerly waiting for me to give him my hand. A small giggle escaped my lips as I lent him my hand, only for him to grab it quickly, but gently.

I understood that he just wanted to be able to feel human contact for once, all ghosts get like that. But Reggie was definitely the most nice and gentle ghost I have ever met. And I loved that about him, hell, I loved his whole personality.

"I see the beautiful beast running up to me"

This dark hair boy definitely had me wrapped around his finger, and there was absolutely no escape. "And I know..." Suddenly it dawned on me as a blush rose to my cheeks, and In that moment I knew...

"That I'm home."

'I am in love with Reginald Peters'

Prev // Next

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-

[thatth1ng]

My Dear PAPA EMERITUS IV Won't Die!

I've heard the theory that the coin on the newst ghost album foreshadows how papa copia will die, betrayed and backstabed. And while I'm not going to explain that theory here, the important part is most people think my beloved will die.

But I don't think so

Ever since I heard the theory I've gone through the 5 stages of greaf and now I can see clearly. Here is my reasons for why he won't die and what I think will happen.

Every papa has gotten replaced for a good reason,

Papa 1 was far too old and obscure to carry on

Papa 2 did carry the band to the heights they dreamed of

Papa 3 did launch the band into main stream but lost sight of the church

So sister brought in fresh blood, someone who hadent grown up with the lavish lifestyle of being part of the bloodline, and insted worked for the clergy from the pit to the pinnical, proving his dedication to the case. Then as cardinal he went on the ultimate tour named death and releasing prequel, proving once again he was up for the task. Now as papa ghost is more popular than ever before, with special thanks to "Mary on a Cross" a song only popular thanks to Cardnal Copia. My point is that with sisters backing and dedication to the clergy, there would be no motive to replace him.

With this being the most popular point of ghosts history, a lot of new fans would also be baffled if they replaced beloved papa 4. But I dout ghost would stop tradition for the sake of new fans,

My real biggest point of evidence to support that papa copia won't be offed is that there are too many open plot lines with him. Not only is he the best Papa in eyes of the clergy and me, he also is the most story driven, with his story introducing papa nil and now his wonderful audition tapes sent off to Hollywood we have to see what happens next.

The tldr of this is there is no story or real world motive to kill papa 4. But I don't think that will stop him from being replaced.

So it got me thinking what would happen story wise to need a new papa, and that to me, is if papa 4 compleats his arc by Joining The Clergy. By this I mean if as sister imperators favourite and as the best papa objectively, if he got a promotion and became a sort of papa nihl figure, a past papa to guide them, but this time he is successfull and knows what makes a good band and leader.

I imagen his send off would be simaler to papa 1s send off, but this time insted of being descared he goes to a high position. From cardnal to clergy. This way we could continue his story and maby we would get a new Papa from outside the clergy. Copias prodigy.

Either that or papa 1s child.

[pinkcherryblossomangel]

Away from home - chapter 4

Y/N is an actress, filming for her first lead role in the film adaptation of her favourite childhood book, produced by maximum effort.

She bonds with Ryan Reynolds over their share Love of the Korean pop band Stray Kids, and he has a surprise for her.

When she starts missing home and the darkness creeps upon her, her hotel neighbour comes to her rescue.

Trigger warnings- mentions of depression, self harm and anxiety

Stray kids fan fic

Mainly staring 3ratcha

But the other boys do make appearances it's just easy to keep to minimum of characters lol

Chan x oc

This is my first ever fan fiction so if it's shit soz.

He's gonna be here in like 20 minutes, so I'm cleaning up my room. Well shoving things into my wardrobe, but that's practically the same thing. I get dressed in some comfy clothes, and organise all my character work and script work on the table. I have a lot of thoughts about Tabby and her story. She's allowed me to tap into something more confident and almost powerful. I need to be more like her.

There's a knock at the door. He's five minutes early. I look through the peephole and there he is. Dressed all in black with his laptop and files. He looks so gorgeous. I hype myself up before opening the door. Don't fuck this up Y/N. You've got this!

"Hey!" I say it just a bit too loud, but he walks into my room ignoring that.

"Hey" He smiles. I lead him to the coffee table and sofa in my room. We sit down, our knees touching. That damned spark again.

"So ive had a read through the script and i think i understand most of the subtext theres a few places where id love your help!" He starts rifling through his copy of the script, hes marked places he thinks would be best paired with something unique. It looks like my script, all covered in highlighter and markings. I cant help but smile at how much he seems to be enjoying this job.

"Can i just ask why you took the job?". I ask, "not that youre not equipped for it, its just im sure you and the kids are always busy." He shifts in his seat to face me.

"I loved doing deadpool. And Ryan asked if we'd like to this film and we read the script and loved it. Unfortunately only the 3 of us could find the time to make it out here. Minho and seungmin have long-standing MCing jobs, I.Ns filming his acting debut," he leans in,"which you didn't hear from me. Hyunjin is creating a fashion line with versace, and Felix has gone back to Australia for a few months."

"Didn't you want to join him? Felix, I mean. Go back home and enjoy being with your family?" I ask

"A part of me did Yeah, but my sister Hannah's out here anyway and I've planned to see her a few times. She may even spend sometime on set with us if I can sort that out."

"Oh I'd love that!! Weirdly enough I actually found your guys music through Hannah's YouTube channel. People kept mentioning her brother so I checked out your music. Think Maniac may have been the first song I listened too." I admitted.

"I was gonna ask you about that actually. I heard you and Ryan bonded over your love of our music?"

"Yeah", I said shyly. "Kind of embarrassing, but yeah. During preproduction rehearsal for the dance scenes we'd blast your music for warm up. We actually almost used Thunderous for one of the dance routines!"

"You were really good before by the way. I forgot to say before. Me, Han and Changbin all thought you could give danceracha a run for their money." I blush. I don't know if this is him flirting but I bloody hope it is

"That's very sweet of you," for what feels like hours, but is merely seconds we hold eye contact. He then looks down at my lips and back to my eyes. I must be imagining that.

"You know what you want?" I break the gaze by pulling out the hotels room service menu.

The next few hours we spend talking about the script and characters. It feels like we've known each other for ages. He's so inspiring with his passion for his job, he's fueling the passion I have for my own. Everything we say in agreement, totally understanding the story in the same way. Dissecting the relationships and themes with such glee.

It's almost midnight by the time he leaves. I walk him to his door, a total of 4 steps from my own.

"Goodnight," i say, "I had a lot of fun!"

"Me too" He replies opening his door. "What time is your call time tomorrow?" He asks leaning against the door frame.

"Keith's picking me up at 9" I reply

"I'll message Sara to say I'm joining you, if that's cool with you?" He queries, running his hand through his slightly curly hair.

"I meet you out here at 8:50?"

"It's a date. Goodnight Y/N."

"Goodnight Christopher"

"I like that. You using my full name."

"I'll keep that in mind". We kind of just hang there in our respective door frames.

"Goodnight....I think that's the 3rd time I've said that." I laugh "ill see you in the morning" He nods and we close our doors.

I go to my bed and ring my mum to tell her about everything that's just happened. She answers but can't stay on the call for long, she's about to head off to work. I hate time differences.

[papirouge]

the jpop anon... again 😳

yeah, its pretty obvious that kpop groups do get super prepared and photoshopped to hell in promotional pictures. thats why when you look up their photos from like, award shows or other live events like that, sometimes they may look a lil different. like again, i mentioned snsd, their legs look super skinny in promotional material and videos, but in photos of live events, some girls legs for example look bigger. theyre still thin ofc, just not stick thin.

and like you mentioned, jpop idols arent expected to be perfect or have a flawless look. many times, part of the appeal of a japanese idol is watching her grow and get better and more profesional, which i think its one of the reasons kpop is ages more popular than jpop; many times ive heard o read people say how impressed they are with the complex choreographies of korean groups, something that jpop idols rarely perform. kpop idols debut when they already have achieved some good "performance level" for a lack of better terms.

you know, i dont think every idol company does this, but i always though it was super cool how helloproject actually forbid their idols from having plastic surgery. thats why many of them look so different from another, and i think its awesome theyre not pressured to change their appearances to fit some modernr beauty standard. also apparently they cannot wear braces, i think its because it can affect your singing ability, though it may just be an aesthetic thing, and those inside braces can actually damage your tongue which is not what a singer would want. like you know how airi suzuki has a tooth thats a little behind the others and she has never "fixed" it? i just mention this because i have that literal exact same tooth in the same place. in fact, we have the same smile, which i think is sorta cool.

oh, and i never could get into akb48. i dont know why, they just never caught my eye. the only songs i tried to listen to were heavy rotation and koisuru fortune cookie since theyre so popular and i just wasnt a fan (also wtf with the heavy rotation MV?).

i also cant find those stray kids attractive. same goes for bts. and yeah, i also though they looked like AI xD. i just thought it was a little mean to say. and i never got why bts got so popular, though to be fair the only songs ive ever heard from the were those english ones like dynamite and butter (i think that what its called). theyre just... not that amazing what can i say,..

i liked berryz koubou. they always stood out when you watched them due to having such an interesting assortment of girls: you had two big girls with risako and maasa, the super tall yurina, the very short momoko and captain, chinami who was very skinny and had a darker complexion than the rest, and you also had risako constantly changing her hair color and miyabi dying her hair blonde or orange and wearing light color lenses. i always though goofy berryz (like in yuke yuke monkey dance) or serious berryz (like jiriri kiteru or ai wa itsumo kimi no naka ni) were the best berryz. it was so weird when they tried to shove them into sexy roles like in want! or ai no dangan, the girls look so awkward. and you cannot expect me to find momoko sexy when in concerts she would perform those sexy songs with those wretched pigtails of her...

I think that's something you addressed in your ealier posts, but I lowkey disagree with the fact that ugly people are fated to remain the 'ugly one' in the band even after ps because there are legit extremely good surgeons doing wonders. You can make drastic changes to a face and still have compelling results

Look at AngelaBaby who's the blueprint for every east Asian girl seeking to achieve the eurasian look

They look like 2 different person, but right still looks like what a natural very pretty Eurasian woman would look

The problem is going overboard with plastic surgery, which is why she ended messing up with her unecessary chin implant that makes her look botched. She should've stopped in 2009.

Kpop idols simply look botched bc they are cheap surgeons ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Japan is indeed less heavy with plastic surgery but idols, even underage, undergo plastic surgery xD they are just more lowkey and hypocrite about imo (that's the only redeeming thing with the Kpop industry imo ; they're pretty straightforward in their heavy course of beautification so people don't get gaslighted in thinking those people were born like this)

Look at Sayumi Michishige and Reina Tanaka who respectively got their eyelid and eyelid+nose done

Japan will accept crooked teeth, but not monolid lmaooo

And it was already the case with OG Momusu

Tsuji Nozomi waited to graduate to do eyelid surgery though - it's lowkey hilarious how both she and her husband got the same procedure on the same time(?)😭

And yeah I see what you mean with teeth thing of airi Suzuki. Naoki Umeda had the same feature and it made him super cute. I will forever miss UmeTsuba 😭😭

That being said, while it's true that those imperfections will fly because idolship is all about seeing little girls grow into womanhood, it's pretty significant to see how quick former idols switch into conventional beauty after graduating. Japan is extremely ageist with women, and things young girls have been elevated for, will be helf against them past a certain age.

There's something dread9ful with the Heavy Rotation MV.... "Mystery Night" (by Angerme (formerly S/Mileage)) lyrics are pretty awful too. All of them were underage, singing about hitting up with a rando during a party...

Koisuru Fortune Cookie was AKB48 peak. I never got into their music but the MV was great - it's pretty rare to have idol MV with that much work done (I think Heavy Rotation MV, as disgusting it was, very polished - isn't its artistic director the same woman who directed Helter Skelter?)

Berryz Kobo went off out of nowhere for "Ai wa Itsumo Kimi no Naka ni" lol I like when idols do assertive songs. That's why I also loved "Otome no Gyakushuu" by Angerme ("Counterattack of the maiden"). But imo nothing will ever top the aesthetic of Momoiro Clover Z for "Birth Ø Birth" - absolutely iconic

[dumplingaizo]

Childhood sweethearts

a/n: credits to my friend Ryu who helped me proofreading this fic!! <33 I hope ya’ll enjoy reading it!! It’s my first time writing a fan fic this long. 

wc: 1.3k

You and IV have been in a relationship for 3 years but you told him that he shouldn’t tell anyone about the relationship because you're still not ready to tell everyone that your boyfriend is the manager/DJ of Full Throttle4, the most famous band in Japan. He understood it told you to take your time and that it’s okay, he understands. You love how he understands you every time which is why you fell in love with him. unlike IV, you’re an introvert and an outcast in the class, while IV is the opposite one because he gets along with anyone easily and sometimes you wonder what he saw in you.

 You and IV are childhood friends. You grew up together in the same neighborhood since you two are one house away from each other. You both always play with each other until you both can no longer play; though, sometimes, it’s also because he has a weak body, so you always visit him in the hospital. “IV~ let’s drawwww hehehe!” your younger self giggled, and IV just smiled at you and patted your head as he nodded. Whenever he's in the hospital, you always ask him to draw together. Even though IV is mostly good at music, he always says yes when you ask him to draw with you. 

You started having feelings for him when you were a freshman in middle school while he was a graduating student. So you decided to confess to him on graduation day, expecting him to reject you because who's gonna fall in love with a person like you? But your eyes lit up when he immediately said yes to your confession. He told you that he fell at first sight when he first saw you but didn’t have the confidence to confess to you because he didn’t want to ruin the friendship, keeping it a secret for many years. You were stunned to hear the words that he said. It felt like you were dreaming, tears rushing down to your cheeks as he smiled and hugged you. He told you, “Thank you for falling in love with me.” Then, asking you with full confidence, “Can you please be my girlfriend, y/n?” and you immediately said “Yes”. It’s been 3 years since then but you still remember it like it happened yesterday. You giggled as you remembered it once again

----TO PRESENT----

Ever since you entered high school, you noticed that random girls started to flirt with IV, which made you jealous because you should’ve been the one who’s the one right next to him, but you’re still not ready to tell everyone that your boyfriend is IV. This kept you quiet for a while.

School festival was around the corner and you’re excited about this event because you’re going to design your whole classroom until it didn’t look like one anymore. Even if you're an introvert, sometimes you raise your hand to participate in an art event or something that can be related to arts and that will included the school festival.

---THE DAY OF THE SCHOOL FESTIVAL---

Everyone is very busy with their classes and some are finishing off their designs for their booth. While you were busy checking the last preparation of their class booth, which is a performance, 2 of their classmates will duet a song. But things got a wild turn when one of their classmates told you that the 2 performers suddenly backed out because they didn't want to perform anymore. You panicked because you didn’t know what to do and your class will be the next one who will be performing. When their adviser knew what was happening, he told you that you were going to be the one who’s going to perform today.

You nodded without thinking because there were a lot of things going on in your head. When you stepped on stage, you were shaking, you didn't know what to do. You started to sing but you were still nervous. You wanted to try it to step out of your comfort zone. It was your first time singing in front of many people. The one who only heard you singing is your boyfriend IV, and he always compliments you when you sing in front of him which sometimes makes you blush.

The lyrics she’s singing;

Georgia, wrap me up in all your-

I want you in my arms

Oh, let me hold you

I'll never let you go again like I did

Oh, I used to say

And then somebody suddenly stepped on the stage and it was your boyfriend IV. He’s holding a bouquet full of your favorite flowers but the most shocking part was the flowers were croqueted by him. It made you blush because he remembered that you prefer handmade gifts rather than expensive ones. He continues the song…

I would never fall in love again until I found her I said, 

“I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into” 

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her 

I found you.

As he sang the song, he walked toward you, and when it was his final line “I found you” he kneeled and gave you the flowers. You were too surprised to speak because you’re not used to IV giving you gifts in public; he always gives them to her in private. Tears formed in your eyes as you took the flowers from him and gave him a “thank you” and “I love you” in a low voice.

The audience was too awed by your performance to the point that they forgot to clap at the end of it. You were starting to worry about the performance. Was it too boring? Did you break a rule? Good thing IV is with you and answered your questions in your mind. “Hon, I think you’re overthinking the audience liked our performance. Let them take a moment to process everything for now.”

When the audience processed all of that, they applauded and some even congratulated you, too. When the audience clapped, you two bowed and left the stage. You can feel all of your classmates looking at you and that they were too shocked that the manager from FT4 was your boyfriend. IV holds your hand and goes to your favorite spot.

“Well..that was kinda awkward, HAHAHAHA!” he laughed. You agreed and asked IV why he knew that you. didn't have a partner earlier. When he told you that he asked a favor from one of the duet performers in your class if it’s okay that the two of them suddenly backed out because he wanted to do something for his girlfriend and they agreed with him. You were shocked when he told you this because this is not something IV would do. “I know what you are thinking right now, but I think I got a little impatient for making our relationship a secret because girls are already flirting with me, even though I told them I already got a girlfriend but they didn’t listen to me. ANDDD I can see you’re jelly when you see a girl being flirty with me…I know how ur expressions work babe. I hope you're not mad at me.”

After hearing his words, you suddenly hugged him and told him “No, I’m not angry with you. I was touched about what you did earlier and I love it hehehe the flowersss” which made IV blush and you know you always say things when you’re unguarded. “Y/N I know it’s too early to talk about this topic but… I want you to know that the woman I want to marry is you soo... Y/N are we on the same page??”

“YES YESS WE ARE!! I DOO IV!!” You jumped to hug him again. (edited)

IV was happy with your answer and then he reached into his pockets and slid a ring onto your finger. “This is a temporary ring. I will give you a real one at our marriage ceremony.” You looked at the design of your ring and you told him “I love it thank you, IV.” You kissed his cheeks which made him blush.

---END---

a/n: I hope ya’ll love it!! :DD it’s my first time writing fanfic for haniwa hehehe <33

[imathers]

Top 5 EPs: Picastro — I’ve never met a stranger

Way way back in Stylus days, maybe the nicest single “promo” email I’ve ever gotten (still to this day, actually) is one that Liz Hysen from Picastro sent me. I’ve just found out now that I don’t have the actual email, apparently it was to some other address and the oldest thing in my gmail now is one a few exchanges into the conversation where I switched to my main address. But it was (unlike most “listen to this record please” things you get) clearly just a normal email written from one person to another. She said she liked one of my recent reviews (wish I could remember which one!) and thought based on what I was reviewing and what I said about it that she that I might like her band’s new record. (I did.)

Even if Picastro hadn’t wound up becoming one of my favourite bands, I think I’d still recall that interaction fondly. Even at my very low level you quickly develop an aversion to people wanting you to check out their music, for a variety of reasons. A lot of the music is bad, for one thing. To have someone making music as good as this read my work and think I’d be into what she’s doing? Even if it was just press flattery (and having known Liz and her work ever since then, I don’t think it was haha), there’s something nice about it, especially when it’s such a nice and personal communication.

That has... not that much to do with their new EP! But sometimes you just want to tell a story. Everything Picastro has put out, and every show I’ve seen, since Whore Luck has been uniformly very strong, and when I first heard they were doing a covers EP it was exciting news. I kind of already knew Liz would pick interesting songs (I was only familiar with “Pale Blue Eyes” beforehand) and that as with her other covers she’d only do them if she could make them her own. I’m not sure how many people out there are familiar with Fire on Fire, The Silt, or Elfin Saddle without already knowing Picastro, but for that sliver of the Venn diagram: what an introduction.

[db-reviews]

#165 - Periphery IV: Hail Stan - Periphery (2019)

In terms of metalcore music that is combined with prog metal, my favorite has got to be Between The Buried and Me, but a close second goes to Periphery.

I knew of Periphery since I first started to get into more progressive metalcore music, though I haven’t heard them until getting attached to similar groups like Protest The Hero, The Human Abstract, and Animals As Leaders. While they aren’t the forefathers of djent, that title could go to Meshuggah or Fredrick Thordendal’s ‘Sol Niger Within’, Periphery definitely modernized it in my opinion, combining genres like industrial metal, post-hardcore, thrash, and even brostep into the mix, creating a highly intoxicating soup of melodic metalcore riffs and complex solos that intensify and glorifies the atmosphere all around me. While others may disagree, I’d say they are one of those bands without a single bad album. In fact, I’d double down and say their discography could even rival some of the best prog out there, with the only album I thought wasn’t as good as it could’ve been probably being their first, but only due to a more production and mixing side of things. I digress, but with a small but very lovely discography like Periphery, and the fact they’ll be releasing their seventh album soon this year, I thought it’d be a perfect time to inspect my all time favorite from the band, and recently (from the time I am writing this) my favorite album of 2019, Periphery IV: Hail Stan.

What else can I say about this gem of an album? Well, for starters, I absolutely love the tracks on here. Each one, from the big winding epic of Reptile, to the bombastic CVRCH BVRNER, to the ethereally magnificent Satellites, each track on here just hypes me up in such a way that as the first minute of Reptile swells up, I am just instantly on board with this Periphery train of metal goodness. I think this album is where the band truly embrace their more modern ideologies within their djent music, as this contains a lot more electronic elements than ever before, taking a slight backseat on just their intense metalcore for more melodic structures, with classical hymns, ambient passages in a few moments, and even slight bits of brostep, all of which delivered like a fine wine in a fancy restaurant, though that same restaurant has a mosh pit in the middle. It is all a glorious fusion of different genres that makes Periphery even more adventurous sounding then they already are.

If we are talking about tracks, I’d say my all time favorite here is Crush. Such an enthralling piece of music that truly showcases all of the album’s main facets in a glorious way, showcasing heavy metal riffs with electronic beat music and a really cool little classical outro. It all just comes so well together that I am surprised that this album, or this band for that matter, isn’t on the same scale to many prog metal legends like Mastodon or Pain of Salvation to many people. While it isn't a long epic, nor is it an immensely intense track, I still think the band struck the most amount of lightning in a bottle for this song, and this album as a whole.

I think while the instrumentation is a fine wine, Spencer Sotelo’s vocals are like a chef’s kiss on the whole thing. Without them, it’d be a great instrumental album, but Spencer adds a certain spice to this soup that he increases to a progressive metal classic in my eyes. His entire presence in every song just works so well in every aspect, and he just gives it his all that, no matter what, I never felt he had any weak spots. Ever since the first album, his voice has aged even better with each release, and here he just melts into my veins that whenever I give this album a spin I will instantly get enthralled into it. Periphery as a whole is like a wine, they just get better with age.

This is an instant prog metal legend for me. It is an album that contains both complex riffs that break me up into bits, but also powerfully beautiful movements that I cannot help but feel a certain love in all my heart. I 100% recommend listening to this as this is essential in my eyes. It’s an album that sets a new bar to reach for any and all prog metal groups. Just incredible.

5/5

[hwangsies]

zephyr

(n) a gentle breeze

pairing: seo changbin x female reader (hwang hyunjin x female reader)

genre: rebound to fwb to dumbasses to lovers(?), college!au, undergroundrappers!3racha

warnings: angst: mentions of infidelity, heartbreak and abuse, seemingly unrequited love, they are both so dumb and prideful its annoying, fluff, bad attempt at comedy, minsung on the side, cursing, alcohol consumption, smut: protected piv, oral (f), studio sex, praise, mild degradation, hair pulling, mild spanking

wc: 10k

enjoy <3

-

September

"y/n?" you hear your roommates faint voice calling out your name.

You dont bother to answer because you know she's going to come into your room at any second now.

And you're right. "y/n??" Your door opens a few seconds later.

You groan in response, not looking up and instead staying in your little cocoon of blankets.

"no babygirl what are you doing?" you feel the bed shift under lias weight when she sits down.

"what does it look like i'm doing?" you grumble back, her hand gently rubbing over your arm.

"sulking, babe" she replies, dropping her purse to the ground.

"10 points for griffyndor" you sniffle as you scooch and sit up, pushing the blankets half off of you at which she sighs.

"wooyoung was not that good of a boyfriend for you to still be crying over him" lia presses her lips together concernedly.

She's right, you know it. It has almost been two months and you still feel like crying everytime someone mentions him.

"i know" you nod somewhat defeatedly "still, i was with him for almost a year and" you hiccup "he literally ripped my heart out and trampled on it"

"i know" lia nods understandingly "but i do think it would help if you went out again, even if its just for a night, you know just to be around people"

"it probably would but i just dont have the energy for it" you shrug your shoulders.

"i get it, girl, i really do" she pats your knee "both of my exes cheated on me, my only luck was that they were both awful at hiding it so i found out pretty quickly" she huffs.

You force out a chuckle, from what you heard from one of the girls that wooyoung cheated on you with, was that it started 3 months into your relationship.

"this the most humiliating thing ever, lia" you scoff "being with someone for so long, trusting them and telling them all your secrets and you think they are doing the same for you but then realizing that they were faking it all along to have multiple side chicks, and the fact that i was too oblivious to figure it out is the icing on the cake" you rub your forehead, feeling a migrane approach due to the sheer amount of crying you've been doing.

She seems to know what's happening and hands you the water bottle next to your bed "hydrate, sis"

So, you do. Taking four big gulps out of the water bottle.

Once you place the bottle next to you and tie your hair in a messy bun, you look at your roommate more thuroughly now that the tears are wiped away.

"you look pretty" you compliment her makeup and casual yet chic outfit "what'd you do tonight?"

Her contagious grin spreads over her face, eyes turning into little crescents.

"chris took me to the fair in town" lia grins before her face drops "I'm sorry, this is maybe not the time to ta-"

"No! It is, tell me about it" you interrupt her.

"O-okay" she nods hesitantly "well, i dont know if you've been keeping track but today was our fourth date and it was amazing" she gushes.

"I cant believe how much i like him, like, its crazy" she squeals a little, at which you giggle.

"so, fourth date huh? And he hasnt tried to get into your pants yet?" you quip.

"nope, i initiated our first kiss and other than that nothing" she whispers the last words before laughing.

"thats great" you smile, genuinely happy for her.

"Hmm yea" she sings as she gets up "i'll go to bed now too"

"Oh, hey, i have an idea" lia speaks up when standing in your doorway "chris has this performance thingy in two days, you should totally come!" she offers enthusiastically.

"he has a band?" you ask, partly to distract her from her offer.

"Hmm not really a band, they're a trio and there is this performance on saturday where a bunch of underground artists perform, i didnt fully listen if im honest" she giggles "but you should come with me!!" she jumps excitedly.

"i dont kno-"

"y/n pleasee? You'd do me a huge favor too because i dont know anyone there" lia pleads, clutchig her hands together.

"you know chris" you rebuttal.

"and what am i supposed to do when he's performing? stand around like an idiot? please y/n" she pouts.

"I dont really think this is my type of crowd..." you scratch your head.

"please please please" she jumps once more.

You sigh and tilt your head as you look at her sternly.

"one of his friends is single" she adds carefully.

"and cute" she sings "from what ive seen in pictures" she adds.

"lia" you groan.

"I'll do your laundry for two weeks if you come with me"

"you will?" Your head snaps towards her.

"yes i will! i promise, just come with me, please?"

A long sigh leaves your lips "okay"

-

The strong bass of the loud music rings in your chest as soon as you step foot into the club where “3racha” is supposed to be performing tonight.

Lia comes to a halt and you almost run into her because you were to busy checking out the venue and the other people around you.

“sorry” you mumble and hold onto her arm to avoid getting lost in the crowd.

She pulls out her phone and clicks on her and hers and chris’s chat, to figure out where to meet them, you assume.

“okay” lia puts her phone back into her jeans pocket and grabs your hand “they’re backstage, lets go”

“can we just go there?” you almost yell for her to understand what you’re saying.

“yea! Chris said he’ll make sure we’ll get in, come on” she tugs at your hand for you to walk faster.

You waddle behind her, barely dodging some drunk guys beer that goes flying before you arrive at the sign that says “artists only” and a black curtain behind it.

The guy standing infront of it raises a brow at the two of you before pointing at said sign “read ladies, no fans allowed”

“hey, they’re with me” a guy, you assume to be chris, taps on his shoulder and shows his artists badge, half of his body still covered by the curtain.

The bigger guy sighs and lets you through.

“thank you” lia lets go of your hand to loop her arms around chris’s neck once behind the curtain, they kiss and you look around.

Not because you are particularly uncomfortable, maybe still just a little bitter at happy couples.

You audibly clear your throat when they are still making out after a good ten seconds.

“oh-uhm” lia looks back at you after breaking the kiss “chris, this is y/n, y/n, chris” she giggles.

“hi y/n, nice to meet you” he gives you a quick hug and a smile full of dimples, finally understanding why your roommate is always swooning about him.

“hi” you smile back, somewhat forced.

“lets go to our dressingroom” chris suggests and leads the way.

Opening the door, he lets you and lia walk in first.

One guy is dancing around in the middle of the room, singing along to the current song that’s being played in the background with a water bottle as a pretend mic.

Another is one sitting on the small couch and laughing at him.

“oh, hi” the guy stops singing and quickly hides the bottle behind himself at which chris chuckles.

“guys, this is lia and y/n” chris points at the two of you before closing the door behind him.

“ooo the lia?” the waterbottle guy wiggles his eyebrows, at which you cant help but laugh as well, he isn’t very tall but looks lean.

“what is the lia supposed to mean?” lia laughs when chris comes up and slings an arm around her waist from behind her.

“I..well-I talk about you sometimes-“

“sometimes my ass” the guy sitting on the couch scoffs amusedly, your eyes shift to him.

He’s wearing a white baseball cap and a pretty tight fitted black Versace shirt, making his shoulders and arms look broad.

His hands clad in black half-gloves, he adjusts his cap before locking eyes with you and quickly looking down again.

“channie hyung must’ve forgotten his manners, I’m jisung” the waterbottle guy speaks up “and that’s changbin hyung” he points at the most intimidating-looking of the three of them, on the couch.

“channie?” lia squeals as she sits down with chris on the couch changbin is sitting on as well, jisung coming up to you.

“hey, you want something to drink?” he asks, pointing at the mini bar feigning cockiness ��“we have a mini bar”

“woow” you chuckle, playing along “sure I’d love a drink”

“how come we’ve never met on campus before?” jisung asks after mixing you a vodka soda and sitting down on the second couch in the room.

“oh, you all go to uni here as well?” you ask surprisedly as you sit down next to him..

“yea” he grins “that’s how we all met” he points at lia and chris almost sitting on top of each other “and those two”

“oh I didn’t even know that” you take a sip, trying to loosen up “I guess I wasn’t listening when she was ranting on about him”

Jisung laughs and changbin joins the two of you as he sits down next to jisung.

“they just started calling each other bubs I feel like throwing up” changbin groans as he drinks from his beer.

You huff before jisung speaks again, looking from his friend back to you “he’s usually more romantic” he quips.

“I bet” you joke with him.

“yup” changbin locks eyes with you “that’s why I’m single, I’m just too romantic” he shakes his head sarcastically.

“ooh” you squint your eyes “emotional unavailability? love that in a man” you grin, at which his eyebrow quirks up amusedly.

“speaking of man, did minho hyung text you when he’d be here?” jisung asks his friend.

“yea he said he’ll be here in 5 and that you should finally buy a new phone” changbin answers, reading it from his phone at which jisung scoffs before turning to you.

“minho is my boyfriend” he explains “he’s hot” he grins at which you laugh “I bet”

“so, y/n, do you have a boyfriend?” jisung asks after taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” you scoff, jisung inhales excitedly “guess what, changbin is single as well” he grins from ear to ear, comically looking back and forth between you two.

“oh, please dont start like lia” you chuckle, leaning forwards to lock eyes with changbin “no offense, but I only attract assholes”

He shakes his head, amusedly raising his brows “none taken” he grins at which you huff before a young woman comes into their dressing room to tell them they’re up next.

-

Back in the crowd, you and lia find a good place just as the lights dim and the music begins to play.

Suddenly you feel someone run into your side “woah I’m sorry” he quickly apologizes “this guy pushed me” he looks behind him.

“its alright” you nod, loud enough for him to hear.

Once they come outside, the crowd goes wild.

“jisungieee” the guy next to you all over sudden screams, you have to smile when looking at him.

“are you minho by any chance?” you ask him.

He nods aggressively “yea! do you know jisung?”

“I just met him backstage” you yell over the loud bass.

Minho laughs and nods before the bass drops and chris starts the first verse.

“he’s great right?” lia screams into your ear when the first chorus ends.

“yea” you nod, actually surprised at how good their music is, now understanding as to why the crowd loves them so much.

Changbin starts his verse and suddenly you feel somewhat entranced, his voice is rough and his bars are hard, definitely fitting his appearance but what entices you is the passion with which he appears to be performing.

Throughout their whole performance you cant take your eyes off him, the way his arms flex when he grips onto the microphone a little harder or the way his jugular sticks out when he growls into the microphone.

Not to mention the thighs you somehow didn’t notice in their dressing room, you watch them strain against his leather pants and feel even hotter suddenly.

Their last song ends and lia is quick to be in your ear about going backstage to chris again.

“oh you know chan hyung?” minho overhears and chimes in.

“yea she’s his date” you point at your overly excited roommate.

“changbin just texted and said they’re upstairs in the vip lounge, come with me” the brunette holds out his hand for you to take, which you do and grab lia with the other one.

“do you know where you’re going?” you ask minho after a minute of pressing yourself along sweaty dancing bodies.

“yea! they’re here a lot” he yells back “its right over there” he points to a flight of stairs where yet another bouncer is standing in front of.

“hey minho” the bouncer greats him with a fist bump “these girls are with you?” he points at lia and you.

“yea” he nods.

“trying something new, I see” he laughs atw hich you frown.

“oh, nono” minho chuckles uncomfortably “I’m still with jisung”

“ah-alright well, have fun” the bouncer moves after looking you all up and down, letting you walk up the stairs.

“wow, you’re famous” lia giggles at which minho huffs and shakes his head amusedly “yea, for being the only non-straight person they know”

“baby” you see jisung jump up from his seat in the spacious lounge as soon as you enter.

“hii” minho holds out his arms for him to run into, you cant stop yourself from smiling when you see jisung jump into his boyfriends arms.

“lia, y/n come over here” chris waves at the two of you.

“you were so good, baby” you hear minho praise jisung behind you as you walk over to the large round sitting booth where chan and changbin are sitting.

Lia slides into the booth and cuddles into chans side “you were awesome” she squeals as you sit down on the other end and grab a fresh glass from the middle of the round table, holding it next to changbins where he’s pouring cherry vodka into.

“can i get some?” you ask, he glances at you and smirks before silently filling your glass with a  double shots worth of the slightly rosy liquid.

“so, how did you like it?” he asks as he leans back, taking a swing of his drink.

“you guys were really good” you nod “to be honest I didn’t expect such high quality music”

He laughs, leaning his head back a little, his adams apple bopping with it.

You cant help but notice the sheer sheen of sweat that expands over his thick neck, obviously coming from their escapades on stage just now.

“what did you expect? a bunch of drunks playing wonderwall on the guitar for more drunks?” he grins, straight white teeth on display.

“hey, don’t come for wonderwall” you raise your hand jokingly at which he laughs.

“I wouldn’t dare” he raises his hands comically.

“hey” you whip your head around to see jisung and minho “scoot, please” jisung speaks again.

“oh-yea” you grab your drink and scoot further into the half circle-shaped booth.

“so what do you study?” changbin asks, his voice catches you off guard because you hadn’t calculated how close you’re sitting to him.

You turn to him to realise you’re close enough to smell his perfume and aftershave.

“uh- I- art” you answer shakily before taking a sip of your drink just to pull a face afterwards.

“jesus christ” you cough a little and hold your chest as changbin laughs.

“its stronger than you’d think” he grins “can you handle it?” he teases when your eyes get a little watery.

You stare at him for a second before playfully rolling your eyes “im good” 

His eyes trace over your face as you look around before he breaks the silence ”i can get you something else if you want” he offers.

“oh-uh no, I’m just being dramatic its fine” you chuckle.

“so...what do you study?” you change the topic.

“I’m majoring in music” he says, stretching out his arms over the backrest “all three of us are”

“oh, so you like, produce all your own stuff?” you ask, your eyes jumping to where his forearm touches your shoulder, that’s leaning against the backrest.

“yea, channie hyung composes the most, me and ji write a lot” he explains,

“thats really cool” you nod, looking over to the mentioned guy.

Changbin follows your eyes and huffs when the both of you see him and your roommate sucking face again.

After a few seconds they stop and giggle before standing up to go somewhere.

“where are they going?” you huff.

“I guess they want some alone time” he chuckles, lifting the arm close to you to take off the cap he’s still wearing.

You flinch when his forearm brushes your shoulder.

“are you scared of me?” he asks slowly, stopping his movements, cap still in hand.

“no- no” you shake your head, chuckling “I- its just been a while since I’ve gone out and I don’t know” you shrug “I feel a little lost”

“hm” changbin cocks his brow at your words, running one hand through his dark brown locks.

You divert your eyes from his bulging bicep back to his face quickly when he speaks again.

“any reason why?” he leans back again.

“oh, just a shitty ex and a shitty breakup” you shrug “I’m gonna spare you the details”

“aw, no please, tell me he had a small dick and everything, now im invested” he jokes.

You tsk at him and push his arm playfully, feigning annoyance.

“that still doesn’t answer my question as to why you jumped like that when my arm touched you” changbin raises his brows expectantly.

You open your mouth to speak but-

“we’ll go get some more to drink” minho interrupts you at which changbin nods.

“so?” he asks again, once minho and jisung leave.

“did that ex hit you? give me his address I’ll beat him up for you” changbin deadpans.

“no” you shake your head after taking another sip “he didn’t” you huff incredulously.

“its just- you look kinda scary” you blurt out finally.

His eyes widen before he falls into a boyish laughter, which you cant help but join.

“me?” he points at himself before laughing again, the image you had made up in your mind about him cracking.

“yea!” you raise your brows “when you look like this” you furrow your brows and lightly squint your eyes to mimic his resting bitch face.

“what the-” he splutters laughingly.

“stoop, don’t laugh” you hold onto his forearm, still giggling yourself.

He calms himself, subconsciously scooting closer to you in the now empty booth.

“maybe scary wasn’t the right word” you snicker, looking down.

“I think the word you were looking for was: sexy, hot or mysterious, maybe handsome-” he quips, grinning to himself when you start laughing again.

“no, no, I know what I meant” you joke back, just now noticing how close he is, his knee touching yours as his whole torso is turned to you.

“so none of my suggestions are accurate?” he cheekily raises one brow at which you scoff playfully.

“maybe one or two” you see his eyes jump to your lips.

The air suddenly feels thick around you with tension, changbins tongue darting out to wet his plump bottom lip while his eyes are still locked on yours.

You breathe in before the two of you lock eyes again "so…are you gonna kiss me, or just stare?"

He raises his brows at your sudden boost of confidence, grinning amusedly.

"what happened to me being scary?" he counters before urging you to swing one leg over his thighs with gentle hands.

You take a seat on his lap, straddling his thick thighs before looping your arms around his neck "i dont know, i think i'm into it" you quip.

His hands wander up your waist "well then i wont make you wait any longer" he grins, looking at your lips one last time before closing the gap inbetween you two.

You meet him in the middle, changbins grip on your waist tightens when his plush lips land on yours.

He pulls you closer to him, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips.

You can taste the cherry vodka on his tongue but it riles you up even more, sucking at the wet muscle before his hands wander over the swell of your ass and each grab a handful of the flesh; your short skirt riding up when you subconsciously grind against his lap.

“be careful” he mumbles against your lips, gently tugging down the piece of fabric so you don’t expose yourself to bywalkers.

“where’s the fun in that?” you cock your head to the side teasingly.

Changbin scoffs and leans in again but you get interrupted by jisung.

“hey, we-oh” you whip your head around.

Jisungs frown turns into a grin “uh” he chuckles “we dont mean to interrupt but chan hyung texted minho and they’re going to your place” he points at you.

“ugh, seriously?” you mutter.

“I’m sleeping at minhos so, hyung you’ll have our place to yourself” he winks at changbin.

“so, we’re out too, have fun you guys” minho waves teasingly as jisung drags him away.

For a second you stare after them, until a gentle squeeze at your waist makes you turn around again.

“you could come over to my place if you don’t want to go to yours right now” he offers, eyes flickering to your lips when you bite at your lower one.

-

This is usually like not you, letting some guy you barely know take you home.

But here you are the next morning, looking up at the ceiling, changbins room flooded with daylight.

You sit up and look at the still unconscious changbin next to you. His blanket had fallen down and exposes his toned torso, barely covering his private parts.

A tingle forms in your lower abdomen when you think of what happened here a few hours ago.

But you pull yourself together and start looking around for your clothes.

You spot your bra on his desk and your skirt and shoes on the floor, gently shimmying out from underneath the blanket; you grab your skirt and slide it on without your panties, not being able to find them anywhere.

Right as you clasp your bra behind your back, changbins morning voice makes you flinch “you would’ve just snuck out?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes as you look back at him.

“what? did you take me for a breakfast lover?” you quip as you slide into your shoes, looking around for your shirt.

“damn, that’s cold” he chuckles lowly, sitting up and watching you stride around his room.

“where did you put my shirt?” you ask, bending down to look under his desk.

“maybe you should worry about your panties first” he snickers, eyes glued to your core when you look back at him.

You kiss your teeth and straighten up quickly, having forgotten about your lack of underwear.

“not that that wasn’t a great view just now-“

“you’re not helping” you interrupt him, eyes lighting up when you spot your shirt in the hallway.

“why so serious all over sudden?” he grins “last night you were everything but tense”

You scoff as you pull your shirt over your head and stuff it into your skirt before grabbing your purse and phone.

“I have an exam in 2 days and I haven’t studied yet” you exhale.

“I could drive you home-“ he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll call a cab, uhm- thanks for last night” you hurriedly smile before walking out.

“bye” changbin calls after you, frowning and dropping back down onto his bed when he hears the door shut behind you “have a nice day I guess” he mumbles to himself.

 October

You cling your jacket closer to your body as you walk through the howling wind the seasonal change had brought with it.

When you arrive at lias faculty building you take out your phone to see if she texted you about when her lecture would be over.

lia : hey babe, chris took me to his place -received at 4:17 pm

You roll your eyes, typical you think.

you : are you serious? you begged me to walk home with you -sent at 4:25 pm

You see her the little blue bubble pop up, indicating that she’s writing a message.

lia : im sorry!! please don’t be mad, he surprised me :((( -received at 4:25 pm

You scoff and turn off your phone before slipping it in your coats pocket alongside your hands. Typical, you think, ever since that night at the club the two of them have become inseparable and lia cancelling on you had become a regular thing. You are happy for her but you also miss your friend.

“y/n?” a familiar voice calls after you right as you start to walk away, you freeze and turn around.

“yea?- oh” you swallow harshly when you see changbin walk your way.

“hey” he smiles brightly and you have to bite back a grin at the cute beanie he’s sporting alongside his slightly red nose due to the cold weather.

“hi” you smile timidly.

“you never texted” he tilts his head at which you nod.

“yea, sorry I actually never got your number” you look at the ground “uh- what are you doing here?”

“oh um im on my way to the studio” he points at a nearby building “that’s the music faculty”

“ah okay, well” you lock eyes “have fun then” you turn around again, ready to walk away.

“hey” he catches up with you “you wanna join me? check out some of our new stuff?” he burries his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know, changbin I really don’t want to date right now-“ you start at which he chuckles.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me” he stops in his tracks, grinning when you do as well, locking eyes “come on, I just need an unbiased opinion on some new tracks” he tilts his head.

You inhale before looking around you “I could drive you home after? So you don’t have to walk through this weather?” he offers, raising his brows at which you purse your lips.

“alright” you give in, changbin smiles and extends his elbow for you to hold.

You simper and coyly hook your hand around his arm as the two of you start walking.

-

“this is awesome!” you point to his laptop a minute after he played the first song for you.

Changbin grins bashfully and leans back into his desk chair “you think?”

“yea, the hook is super catchy” you bob your head as his eyes fix on your profile “you’re really talented, changbin” you catch him blushing before putting on another song.

After a few other songs, he takes off his headphones when you take off yours.

“can I ask you something?” he asks, you glance at him.

“you just did” you quip at which he huffs, “sure” you nod.

“how much of that night do you remember?” he fiddles with one of the rings on his left hand.

“why?” you ask back.

“well, you seemed really upset the next morning so I got kind of scared that you didn’t actually want it and I kind of took advantage of you” he recalls the night the two of you spent together.

“oh, no. you didn’t take advantage of me, I wasn’t even  drunk and I would’ve told you if I had changed my mind or something. That was just the first time I ever spent the night at a guys house for a one night stand” you absently pick off some fuzzies from your jeans.

“plus I had just come out of a relationship so I was a little too emotional anyways” you chuckle.

“alright” changbin nods “just wanted to make sure” he smiles down at his hands “cause I remember all of it”

You whip your head, scoffing when you see him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“hm” you feign ignorance as you lean back “I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to remember” you grin mischievously.

He laughs out loud, leaning forwards “no?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips comically “nah”

“cause I remember you shaking and screaming” he grins.

You shrug your shoulders “weird, must’ve faked it” you deadpan, fiddling with the headphones you’re still holding.

Changbins tongue prods on the inside of his cheek, huffing when he catches you grinning.

“right” he grins slumping into his seat a little further.

A thought flashes in your head when your gaze drops to his crotch and thick thighs, you swallow some spit in frustration as you feel your core getting hotter.

He was right, the night was amazing, maybe that was even part of the reason you stormed out the way you did.

You clench your thighs for some relief, anything really.

“want me to refresh your memory?” your eyes jump up to meet his, you open your mouth but nothing comes out; do you want him to?

Yes. Yes you do.

So, you get up and straddle him on his chair: his hands instantly gripping at your hips, pulling you closer.

“someones eager” he grins, pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

“shut up” you whisper before crashing your lips onto his.

Changbin groans when you tug at his hair, inviting you to slip your tongue in between his lips and grind your hips over his crotch.

He hisses before propping himself up on one armrest and holding your lower back with the other as he stands up; you squeal but he holds you before sitting you back down on the desk, next to his laptop.

“now who’s eager” you grin when his hands find the waistband of your leggings and tug them down with your panties in one.

He huffs as he bunches your leggings and panties around your ankles before slipping underneath the fabric barrier and inbetween your legs.

“by the looks of it..” he runs a finger through your wet folds “still you” he quips before pushing one finger in without warning.

You moan, you head dropping back onto the hard wooden surface.

“look at me” changbin orders as a second finger prods at your entrance, you whimper but prop yourself up on your elbows.

He curls the two fingers and pumps them almost violently, the palm of his hand smacking your clit with every pump.

“oh god-“ you yelp, your eyes scrunching together as your hips buck up.

“its changbin but god is fine too” he quips as he lowers his head, you curse at him, even though you have to laugh a little.

“you’re so annoy-ah!” you cry out because suddenly his tongue is lapping over your swollen clit, sucking on it forcefully when you claw one hand into his already messed up dark locks.

“fuck-bin- gonna cum” your hips stutter and you feel the pleasure that’s blooming in your tummy is getting ready to snap.

“mmh” he humms against you “cum then, baby” he moans, knowing full well what the added vibrations are doing to your body when your chest arches and your mouth drops open.

Your cries fill the studio as you clamp down on his fingers; he rides your through your high, holding down your hips with his unoccupied hand because you squirm with the euphoria that’s filling your veins.

“good girl” he mumbles, removing his fingers from you before bringing them up to your lips “now, suck them clean for me, yea?” he grins, lips and chin shiny with your cum.

-

“finally” you huff when arriving at 3rachas lounge in a club out of town; where they had just performed “this club is huge” you breathe, jisung scooting and changbin letting you squeeze past him to take a seat in between them as they chuckle.

Lia and chan already lost in their own world again as she drags him to the dancefloor, squealing when chan teasingly squeezes her sides as they disappear into the crowd.

“they are made for each other” minho sighs, sitting down and giving jisung the second beer from his hands.

“I know right” you lean back, breathing in.

“you’re still out of breath?” changbin laughs at you at which you hit his arm.

“stop it, oh my god” you feign annoyance “you know how exhausting it is to dodge beer bottles and not loose lia? she’s like a Chihuahua, I swear, you loose her once and its over” you chuckle, jisung and minho laughing too.

“you just don’t have any endurance, woman” changbin grins teasingly.

“that’s so not true” you laugh incredulously “what about two nights ago-“

“AH-“ jisung interrupts you, placing his hands over his ears “please spare us your sex stories, I hear enough of that when you’re over, babe”

You huff and changbins cheeks turn red.

“you guys are fucking?” minho asks, eyebrows raised as he takes a swing of his beer.

“good job keeping up, baby” jisung pats his boyfriends thigh teasingly at which he tsks at him.

“are you together or what?” minho props his elbow on the table to support his chin with his hand as he looks at the two of you expectantly.

“no, we’re not” you chuckle somewhat uncomfortably before looking over at changbin who just grins awkwardly.

“just here to be a good friend and keep the groupies away” you joke “right?” you nudge changbin with your elbow at which he nods swiftly, looking down again.

“yea, baby don’t be so old fashioned” jisung teases his boyfriend who just rolls his eyes playfully.

“speaking of groupies” minho mutters, spotting a group of girls just before they approach the lounge.

“hey jisungie, you wanna dance?” a pretty blonde girl bats her eyelashes as she leans down a bit to expose more of her cleavage, making jisung grin.

“baby, you’re gorgeous but I’m very gay” he nods apologetically, “Oh” she straightens up “really? You sure?”

You and changbin have to bite back a laugh when jisung nods again “very sure, thanks though, for coming”

She shrugs and looks at changbin “what about you? Wanna dance?”

“uh-“ changbin starts but you cut him off “he’s with me actually” you tilt your head.

“for real?” she stems her hands into her hips as she looks back at her posse, scoffing.

“yea” changbin loops his strong arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him “that’s my girl, so a little respect, please”

“aww” you coo dramatically as you play along, putting your hand on his jaw to turn his head towards you before you lock lips.

“whatever” you faintly hear the girls voice get quieter when changbin slips his tongue in between your lips.

“they’re gone” you hear minho but changbin pulls your legs to dangle over one of his thighs as he grips your waist.

“guys” jisungs voice only registers in the back of your head when changbin sucks at your bottom lip and you run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“can I get you some more beers?” the waitresses voice pulls the both of you out of your trance as you break the kiss abruptly.

Jisung laughs, shaking his head at the both of you before turning to the waitress “we’ll take a round of shots I think”

  November

 “fuck-harder” you gasp “..mhh binnie-shit” you moan while changbin pounds into you from behind, gripping your hip tighter with one of his hands; the other one migrating up your back to gather the legth of your hair, twisting them before he pulls at their root.

You groan when you feel your hair getting pulled back, neck stretching as he picks up his pace.

“like this? fuck you love this don’t you?” he breaths ragged, but you can hear the dirty smirk that lingers on his lips every time you have rough sex..

You moan out loudly when he releases your hair and pushes your torso down onto the mattress, your hand pulling at the sheets , needing something to grip and release the pleasure.

“fuck- answer me, slut” he grunts and delivers a harsh slap to your ass.

You cry out “yes-yes-fuck-love it” you desperately gasp as he leans down to you, earning a low chuckle which sends shivers down your back.

His lips latch onto your shoulder blade and start sucking on the skin until a purple mark blooms under his lips.

“fuck” you let out a strangled yell when the hand on your hip makes its way to your front and he started circling your clit with his fingers, the pace and firmness matching his thrusts.

You cry out for him as you clench furiously around his cock “that’s a good girl” he whispers, only letting go of your clit when you flinch in overstimulation.

“cum for me- fuck baby, cum for me and let the others know who’s fucking you this good” he rasps in your ear. Not 5 seconds later, your orgasm ripples through you and you would’ve collapsed completely if he wasn’t holding you up.

You’re still panting when both of his hands go back on your hips and push them down, laying you flat on the mattress before he picks up his pace again with his last left strength to reach his own high.

“shit- y/n“ he grunts when you tighten around him again and you feel him filling the condom with some drawn out groans and a sharp hiss.

After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathing filling the room, he pulls out and falls next to you on his bed.

You wince at the soreness that’s already presenting itself when you turn around on your back, looking over to him; you watch as he ties a knot in the condom and throws it into the trash next to his desk.

“kobe!” he exclaims gleefully at his perfect throw before looking back at you to see if you saw.

“jesus christ why am I sleeping with you” you hold your hands over your face, hating the fact that it made you laugh.

He gasps, feigning to be offended “that’s not how you speak to the guy that just made you cum three times”

“you are so full of yourself, seo changbin” you shake your head amusedly as you sit up.

“wait, I’ll clean you up” changbin is quick to rise from his comfortable position to grab some tissues from his nightstand.

“come here” he mumbles, gently urging you to lie back down before carefully wiping your own cum off your inner thighs and mound.

You watch him as he gently moves to wipe the tissue over your puffy folds, your hips jumping a little when he accidentally passes your clit.

“sorry” he grins, pressing a kiss to your angled knee; at which you feel your heart lurch forward a bit.

Woah, wait.

You’ve been seeing changbin just for sex for almost two months now, you’ve even gone with him other performances and after parties to keep groupies away and be his arm candy and never has your heart done this.

Mayday. Abort mission.

“should be good for now” changbin shrugs, shooting you a sweet smile before turning away from you to also get rid of the tissues.

You use the opportunity to shuffle to the side of his bed and slip on your panties before grabbing your bra.

“hey, you wanna leave already?” changbin asks “I thought we could hang” he tucks his hand under his head as you look back at him, clipping your bra closed “watch a movie or something”

“sorry, I promised lia I’d help her clean the apartment today” you lie, surprisingly quick, before pulling your hoodie over your head.

“so you’re just gonna fuck me and leave again?” he jokes dramatically “I don’t even get cuddles?”

“shut up” you chuckle.

“am I nothing more to you than a pretty piece of meat?” he continues as you slip into your jeans, rolling your eyes playfully.

“a toy you use when you need stress relief??” he holds his chest dramatically.

You step into your shoes and raise your brows at him.

“are you complaining?” you ask playfully.

“nahh” he pulls his covers over his abs as he watches you grab your jacket from his desk chair.

"At least give me a 'gopdbye, thanks for the bomb dick, kiss" He grins when you scoff at him. So, you lean over him and press a quick peck to his lips; he whines playfully when you lean back up again, sitting up and catching your lips with his roughly once more.

“alright, see ya” you shrug."

And shit, your heart does it again. What are you doing?

You break the kiss and ruffle through his hair.

“ugh” he huffs annoyedly, fixing his hair “I hope you have trouble walking” he quips as you go for the door.

“I’ll text you if I don’t” you wink at him before closing his door, leaning against it from the outside and closing your eyes.

“fuck” you whisper to yourself before making your way through the guys apartment.

“don’t break his heart, y/n” minhos voie comes from behind as you twist the doorknob.

“huh?” you trun around to look at him, he’s wearing a shirt that you know to be jisungs so he must be staying over.

“I’ve known changbin for a while, he seems tough but he’s a softie deep down” he crosses his arms over his chest “he hurts easier than you think”

“we- we’re both not in this for anything serious” you stammer “what do you mean?”

“I see the way he looks at you, y/n” minho smiles softly “I’m not telling you how to live your life, just, be honest with him… and yourself for that matter” he quirks one brow up, smiling before disappearing around the corner.

 -

 You squint your eyes as you’re trying to make out the label of the cereal boxes in the upper shelves, looking back at your phone you check to see what brand lia had texted you about so you don’t accidentally buy the wrong thing.

“fuck” you mumble when you see her desired cereal at the top of the shelf, so you reach up but to no avail.

“y/n?” you lower your heels to the floor again before turning around to see…

“hyunjin?” you face drops in awe.

“hey!” the tall young man smiles widely, opening his arms and inviting you to a hug.

“wow, hi” you hug him back.

Damn, what happened to him? The last time you saw him was before he moved away in 10th grade.

You used to be good friends with him, or, well, the freakishly skinny and lanky highschool version of him you met in dance class.

By the feel of it, even through the trenchcoat he’s wearing, you can tell he’s bulked up quite a bit.

After letting go of him, you cant help but stare.

His acne had cleared up and his brown hair is chin length with the top parts pulled back into a little pony tail, leaving some face framing strands in the front.

“wow- you look-“ you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming “…really good, hyunjin”

He smiles on the ground, his pretty plump lips parting to reveal beautiful pearly whites which used to be covered by braces.

“so do you” he grins.

“no- I mean you look… good-good” you splutter, laughing awkwardly “like what are you a model now or something?”

“actually, yea- part time” he chuckles.

“oh” you huff  “wow of course” you shake your head laughingly, blushing furiously when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“so- uhm” you gulp, making him grin even wider “what are you doing here?”

“I’m transferring here” he nods “better dance programme” he explains shortly.

“oh you still dance” you observe out loud “I haven’t danced in a while” you look down.

“you should come by after practice sometime” he offers “to catch up- or dance if you want” he giggles, a little dimple appearing on his left cheek.

“yea, I’d love that” you smile, nodding before he takes out his phone.

“put in your number, I’ll text you” he smiles softly when holding it out to you.

“mhm” you agree, saving your number in his phone and trying not to think about him staring at you the whole time.

“alright well” he checks his phone for the time, you guess “I gotta get going, only came here for this” he chuckles, holding up a carton of milk that you, weirdly enough, haven’t noticed until now.

“alright” you nod before he moves in for a hug again.

“bye” he smiles when loosening his arms again.

“bye” you mumble, staring at the back of his perfect head as he walks away.

You were about to pull out your phone and rant to lia about what just happened, when he stops in his tracks and turns around.

“almost forgot” he grins, reaching up and getting your cereal from the top shelf; winking when he places it in your hands, your body freezing.

“bye” he grins, walking away before you could thank him.

-

 You had taken hyunjin up on his offer and met him in the dance studio after class where he showed you some of his contemporary pieces before you made your way to the popular coffee shop on campus together.

“-no seriously the second piece was my favourite I think, but they were all amazing!” you smile up at him at which he shakes his head cutely.

“can you stop complimenting me, y/n I’m getting all nervous” he laughs softly.

“oh please” you quip “with your talent and looks I would think nothing could make you nervous” you roll your eyes playfully.

Hyunjin huffs, opening the coffee shops door for you “you can” he says softly as you walk past him, you turn around to him to see him blush a litte but diverting his eyes to the big menu above the counter.

Did he just flirt with you? No, you must be tripping.

You look around to see only two other people sitting in one of the booths together, the cold must keep most people home, you think before hyunjin gently pulls at your sleeve to get your attention.

“what do you want?” he asks, the barista looking at you expectantly.

“uhm- a hot chocolate please” you say, reaching in your purse to get your wallet.

“I’ll take the same” hyunjin smiles politely, giving the barista money.

“on me” he smiles down at you.

“oh, thank you” you smile sheepishly, letting go of your purse again.

Once your hot chocolates are ready, you sit down in one of the booths, hyunjin sliding in to sit across from you.

“I was back home last week before I came here, you’ll never guess who I met” hyunjin grins.

“who?” you ask curiously.

“tim” he grins.

“tim?” your eyes almost pop out of your head “as in my first boyfriend tim?” you laugh, holding your hand to your face incredulously.

“but he moved away as well?” you half ask.

“yea he said he was visiting his grandparents, but guess the best part” hyunjin bites his lip

“what?” you chuckle.

“he got a nose job” hyunjin bites back a laugh when you gasp surprisedly “really?”

“one word” hyunjin says “botched…”

“aw no, poor tim” you frown, looking down at your hot drink as memories from back in the day come back to you.

“he always used to put his hand up my shirt when hugging” you frown, making hyunjin laugh.

“it was 9th grade y/n what did you expect?” you scoff at his rethorical question.

“I don’t know, some basic manners maybe?” you counter playfully…slowly letting the conversation die down as you both take sips from your cocoa.

“how come we never dated?” he asks softly after aminute of silence, looking up at you.

“we were friends?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“come on” hyunjin sits back in his booth “you must’ve known I had the biggest crush on you”

“you did?” you almost launch forwards in your seat, making hyunjin laugh.

“well, I guess you didn’t know then” he giggles, hiding his face in his hands embarrassedly.

“anyways, I would’ve paid good money to be able to slip my hand up your shirt” he jokes, cheeks reddening when you laugh.

“I honestly liked you a lot back then” you say “if you would’ve said something we might’ve actually gone out” you shrug gently.

“damn, way to rub that in my face” hyunjin grins.

You hold his eye contact for a few seconds before you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks again, quickly lifting up your mug to take a sip and partly cover your face.

When you put your mug back down, hyunjin grins widely, mumbling a “cute” before slowly bringing his hand to your chin and gently swiping his thumb over your top lip where a foam mustache had formed.

You gulp when he swiftly sucks the foam off his thumb, your eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

When he notices, he leans over, slowly as if scared to overwhelm you.

That’s when minhos words pop up in the back of your head.

“be honest with him, and yourself for that matter”

But you aren’t together, and hyunjin is great and you want to kiss him but you know it would be wrong.

However, before you know it his lips are on yours and you’re not doing anything to stop him.

They are soft and inviting and you let him swipe his tongue over the seam of your lips, but then the little doorbell rings and you hear lias voice, followed by a male one before they abruptly stop, making you pull away abruptly.

Oh.

There they are, lia, chan, jisung and changbin; looking at you.

“y/n” lia grins widely, approaching your table “aren’t you gonna introduce us?” she squeals, hyunjin clears his throat and sits back down.

The three guys hesitantly follow lia when-

“woah- hyunjin?” chan speaks up.

“chan-hyung?” hyunjin gets up from his place to receive a hug from the older one as your eyes divert to changbin who is looking at the ground.

You aren’t together. Then why do you feel so guilty and why does he look so disappointed.

“he’s cute, girl” jisung grinningly interrupts your daydreaming, nodding towards chan and hyunjin who are still talking.

You force out a smile.

“how do you two know each other?” lia asks curiously.

“he went to my highschool, the last few years” chan grins.

“what a coincidence” you mumble, almost ironically.

“I went to highschool with y/n too, the first couple years though, then I moved away” hyunjin explains “oh, im sorry, I’m hyunjin by the way” he turns to jisung and changbin.

“I’m jisung, this is changbin” jisung smiles, pointing at his grumpy friend.

“I’m lia” lia grins “his girlfriend and her best friend” she points at chan before snuggling up to you, giggling.

Jesus, woman where do you get the energy? Is what you want to ask but you just flash another forced smile, hoping this moment will pass quickly.

“where were you guys?” you change the topic, hoping changbin would maybe look at you if you spoke up.

“oh, I caught them all huddled up in the studio” lia grins “they probably haven’t been outside in a week again” she giggles.

“true” jisung quips.

“hey lets all sit down” hyunjin suggests.

“I’ll get a coffee” changbin mumbles, walking back to the counter.

You usher lia to make way for you to get out of the booth, following him.

“bin” you stand next to him as he looks up at the menu but he ignores you.

“you could at least acknowledge my presence, your highness” you quip annoyedly.

“what do you want me to say, y/n?” he mutters.

“I didn’t know this would happen with him or I would’ve told you” you say, looking back at the other four talking and laughing in the booth.

“we’re not together y/n, you’ve made that very clear; if you wanna kiss lord farquaad go ahead, I’m not stopping you” he looks over to the booth as well.

“jesus christ” you huff “why are you so defensive then?”

“hi” changbin greets the barista who just came from the back “I’ll have an iced coffee to go, please” he orders.

“the world doesn’t revolve around you y/n, maybe I’m having a bad day” he answers when the barista makes his way to the coffee machines, you feel a lump from in your throat.

“yea, well thanks for making mine bad as well” you turn on your heels to join the others, hyunjin sees you coming back and scooches to make some space for you next to him.

You smile and thank him quietly when he also gives you your mug.

“everything alright?” he asks quietly, as to not disturb the others conversation.

“yea, just had to ask him some stuff” you smile at which he smiles back, turning back to the others.

After a minute changbin approaches the booth with his iced coffee “hey, I’ll run back to the studio I gotta finish that track”

“ugh, changbin I just dragged you out of there, stay for a second” lia protests and jisung nods along.

“nah, gotta get it done tonight” he shakes his head.

“alight see you later” chan nods.

“nice to meet you, man” hyunjin says, nodding at him as well.

“yea” changbin answers tight-lipped before walking out.

 December

”I’m sorry, hyunjin” you frown “I’m just not ready for a relationship after what happened with my ex-“

“its alright y/n” his large hand encases yours “you don’t have to explain yourself to me”

You sigh in relief “I’m sorry I tried to rush things, it just, seemed to good to be true to find you here and everything” he says.

“but I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you want” he looks up at you.

“oh, jinnie you shouldn’t have to do that” you shake your head “I’m sure there are great girls out there who are emotionally ready to be with you”

“yea, but you’re the girl I want to be with” he says softly and your heart shatters into pieces because you’re not sure he’s the guy you want to be with.

-

You fight yourself through the crowd at 3rachas last performance of the year, at the same venue where you met them for the first time. Just like the time before, chan makes sure lia, hyunjin, minho and you are able to come backstage.

“I’m excited to see you perform, man” hyunjin grins at chan, patting his shoulder “your stuff was already dope back then…” they continue speaking as you enter their dressing room.

Jisung greets his boyfriend as you and lia sit down on the leather couch.

Changbin is standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before his eyes lock with yours through the mirror, but he just diverts them to chan who’s grabbing a beer for hyunjin and himself, you guess.

“did you have to invite him?” changbin semi-whispers to the older one, nodding at hyunjin, chan just frowns confusedly,making changbin shake his head and walk out.

You look at hyunjin who is talking to minho and jisung, and doesn’t seem to have heard changbin. So, you get up to follow him out but lia holds your wrist “y/n you cant keep running after him” she hisses.

“he cant keep treating me like im invisible, I just want to clear the air” you free your arm and walk out to see changbin almost at the end of the corridor, walking out of a heavy door which, you think leads outside.

After reaching the door you open it to find him outside, leaning against the brick wall of the building, looking down at his phone.

The cold air hits your skin and you shiver, only wearing a top and some jeans since its warm in the club.

Changbin notices you and looks up “what do you want, y/n?” he asks.

“that was real classy back there” you comment, holding your arms to your body to preserve some warmth. Changbin huffs, unfazed as he looks back at his phone “whatever, y/n”

“no, not whatever bin” you step closer to him “he asked me to date him” his head shoots up and you lock eyes, for a second they are soft in the way they look into yours but something changes and they turn mean when he speaks again.

“so? that’s a you proplem” he shrugs.

“its not a problem at all, he’s sweet and loving and cares about me but for some reason im standing here, hoping that you’ll give me a reason to not be with him” you feel your throat closing up with anger mixed with confusion when he starts chuckling.

“you’re not serious are you?” he squints and your heart drops, tears pooling at your lashline.

“of course not, I couldn’t expect someone as stubborn and- and comunicationally incompetent like you to understand anything about feelings” you turn on your heels when a teardrop rolls down your cheek.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, making you turn back “I’ve wanted to be with you since that moment in the club where you kissed me infront of all these girls. It was always you who was stubborn y/n, you never wanted to spend anymore time with me other than fucking” he snaps at you, taking a breather to start another sentence but you cut him off.

“-then why didn’t you say anything?” you ask quietly and he looks down.

“because- fuck” he lets go of your wrist “I didn’t want to scare you away, you in my bed was better than no you at all. But then fucking prince charming appears out of no where and sweeps you off your feet-”

“but I don’t want prince charming I want you” you blurt out, tears now streaming down your face, making him take a step back as his eyes soften.

“then why didn’t you say anything?” a small smile tugs at his lips as he closes the distance between you, gently running his hands up your arms, feeling the goosebumps brought on by the cold.

You huff, looking down and watching one of your teardrops melting a tiny hole into the snow before looking back up “because I’m stubborn and comunicationally incompetent” you sniffle “and stupid apparently” 

A grin spreads over changbins face as his hands cradle your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs “so, you wanna be stubborn and stupid together?” he whispers, locking eyes with you.

You press your lips together, trying to keep yourself from sobbing even more as you nod.

He chuckles softly ”you can stop crying now, baby” at which you nod beathing in shakily but smiling when he pushes some hair out of your face.

“can you kiss me now please” you sniffle whiningly, huffing in a laugh when he pulls a face.

“i dont know babe, you’re a little snotty right now-” he jokes.

“shut up” you hit him, chuckling when he pulls you even closer by your waist and gently connects his lips with yours.

A soft wind blows through your hair and you loop your arms around his neck even tighter, deepening the kiss at which he moans, holding your waist tighter to his body.

The door creaks open and “are you guys finally together?” minhos voice makes you break the kiss.

“yea” you grin when jisung comes out after his boyfriend.

“nice” he grins, nodding at you.

“yea yea nice, beautiful love whatever, hyung we’re up, lets go” jisung rambles, laughing and running back inside when changbin pretends to hit him, minho shaking his head and following him.

“you’ll watch me yea?” your boyfriend grins at you, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

“from the front row, baby”

-

a/n: omg im finally done wth this took me so long yall, i started writing this sin september (which is why the fic starts in september as well lol) sorry about the winterly feelings i’m pushing onto you in the end but last week it literally snowed where i live so i was like uh?!?!?!? okay lets write some snowy shit, global warming ftw i guess....anyways i hope u liked it pls leave some feedback and/or ur favourite part ig lol i would appreciate it alot <33 (not proofred yet oopsie)

---

taglist: @kpopscape​ @oopsie-whats-this​ @zhaqifa​ @synnocence​ @changlix-mp4​ + some besties who always inspire me wether they know it or not😭 @bangtantaegi @hanflix @bruh-changbin @hyunyin @yyxgin @hyunsluvv @unstableskzstan @violethhj @missskzbiased @cartierbin @dom--minnie

[starsstruck]

shampoo bottles

a friends with benefits gone wrong. harry can’t bring himself to get rid of everything you’ve left at his place after things fall apart. beat up red cars, crumpled sweatshirts and of course, shampoo bottles.

based off the song “shampoo bottles” by peach pit.

pairing: harry x reader words: 6.9k rating: M

a/n: this is just a little something i had inspiration for ! like i said its based off the song “shampoo bottles” by peach pit (great song great band). its an OU but im not regarding tour dates or quarantine or wtv, i just have dates so its easier to follow since i go back and forth a lot ! its a bit of a different writing style than ive done before so hopefully everyone likes it ! would love to hear what you think, and enjoy !

                                                            ***

November 20th

The shampoo bottles taunted him.

The worst part was Harry wished they weren’t empty. He wished that there was still even a drop left in them so that he could rub it through his own hair. Although having milked them of their last contents weeks ago, they still sat in the corner of his shower.

The smell lingered on them. The sweet smell of some flower, maybe some orange blossom, he didn’t ever really know. All he knew is that he was addicted to the smell, and seeing the bottles sit in the corner as he showered made him feel like he could smell them, like he could smell you.

He remembered the day you brought the bottles over, claiming to be annoyed with the way his shampoo just wasn’t the same. The idea of you smelling like him brought a heat to his stomach, he liked the smell of your shampoo even better. And now the bottles sat there. Taunting him.

October 15th

“What’s with the bag?” Laughing as he pointed at the bag in your hand, he wondered what you could possibly be bringing with you to the washroom.

“Brought my own shampoo,” you pulled a bottle out of the canvas tote bag around you were holding, smile wide on your lips. “And some other things. Hope you don’t mind.”

He jutted his lips out in a mock pout. “What’s wrong with my things?”

“Don’t like your shampoo.” You hummed, disappearing behind the still open door frame that led to the washroom. “Don’t worry! I still like your nice moisturizer, does wonders for my skin.”

He scrambled up in his sheets at the sound of the shower turning on. Standing in the door frame of the washroom, he watched as you pulled off your underwear and dropped them aside. He knew that you could feel him watching you, and that you were pretending not to notice or care.

Stepping into the shower, shutting the glass door behind you as you let the water hit your back. He stayed where he was for a minute, until steam was beginning to fog the glass door that separated you two and he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Let me do that,” humming as he stepped into the shower next to you, just as you were reaching for the shampoo bottle that you brought.

“Awfully nice of you,” moving aside slightly, you passed him the shampoo bottle. Moving around so that he stood directly in front of, you letting you stand under the stream of water. Squeezing some shampoo out onto his hand, he put the bottle down and rubbed his hand through your hair.

“Feels nice,” you shut your eyes, Harry watched water droplets fall down your forehead that end up getting caught in your eyelashes. He brough both hands to your head, massaging the shampoo in. Taking extra time to rub his fingertips into your scalp, enjoying the content smile on your lips as you leaned into his touch.

He knew you, he knew you well. In this moment he knew that you were doing it on purpose: the small moans in the back of your throat as he rubbed his hands against your head, the way you arched your back slightly, and the way you titled your head back in the same way you did when his head was between your thighs.

Tilting your head in his hands so that the stream of water hit your scalp, rinsing out the suds. The smell around him was only of the sweet orange blossom mixed with something else, he could never put his finger on it.

“All done,” he grinned, tapping your eyelid gently. He watched as you rubbed the water from your eyes, blinking them open to gaze into his.

He kept his hands around you, dropping to your shoulder as he pulled himself closer to you. Semi hard length pressing into your thigh, your eyes dropped down and were soon followed by your hands. Jolt sent through his abdomen as your warm hands wrapped around him, lightly tugging and pulling.

“’s nice,” he mumbled, feeling the blood leave his brain and relocate between his legs. Your grip tightened around him, thumb rubbing over his tip in a way that made his hips buck into your hand. His grip around you tightened when your eyes met his again, tongue darting out to lick water from your lips.

His legs nearly buckled when you dropped down to your knees, remaining under the shower stream. He didn’t mind being in the colder side of the shower, especially if you were going to be on your knees in front of him.

“Want to get me in your mouth?” His voice nearly surprised him at its hoarseness. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had you like this before, it was just that every time you had your hands on him it drove him completely crazy.

Watching your slow nod, Harry wrapped a hand over your head, tugging on the recently washed strands as he encouraged you. Not able to take his eyes off of you as you wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, slowly easing him into your mouth until your lips met where your hand was still wrapped around him.

“Look so good like this.”

November 20th

His hand didn’t do you justice, but it was all he had. It was like the smell of your shampoo filled his senses every time he stepped foot in his shower, no every time he stepped foot in his washroom. Every time he saw those goddamn shampoo bottles sitting. Untouched.

He just couldn’t bring himself to throw them out.

Nothing could clear his mind. It had been weeks, and nothing he did could get his mind off of you. Maybe that was his own fault. He knew it was his own fault. His place was littered with traces of you.

Part of him probably got something out of his pain, but he didn’t care.

Not when he couldn’t bring himself to clean out his bathroom, because of the way your toothbrush sat so nicely next to his. Or the way you had brought him some organic soaps, claiming they smelt really good and were made out of all kind of nice essential oils.

He couldn’t even bring himself to use that bar of soap, knowing the more he used it the smaller it would get, and soon it’d be gone.

But his wallowing really hit an all time high when he found your sweatshirt.

He really thought you had taken all your clothes with you. You didn’t leave a lot of them at his place to begin with. Clothes being the one thing you claimed you didn’t need as you helped yourself freely to his closet.

But when he was going through said closet, he found a bunched up blue sweatshirt he had forgotten he kept.

September 2nd

It was an odd rainy night, and Harry didn’t feel like going out. He was no stranger to poor weather, but the rain seemed to be the last thing he needed to decided that he would rather stay in. Relieved when you had shared his opinion, agreeing to come over with a bottle of margarita mix. It was just the two of you, Harry just wanted a calm night in with his friend and maybe a couple drinks, ones they could make themselves.

Soon you were seated on his couch, leaning against the armrest with your feet pointed towards him. Cozy in your sweatshirt, gripping your drink tight between your fingers.  

“Would you let me draw one for you?”

You spluttered out a laugh at his request. “God no!” Your laugh deepened when you glanced up at him. “Nothing against you, Harry. Just want a professional to do it.”

The movie put in was long forgotten, now facing each other and talking about where you should get your first tattoo. You had told him what you wanted to get, you just had no idea where it should go.

“Fine,” he huffed, playfully of course. His head felt hazy, couple of drinks have come and gone and he was still nursing another strong cocktail in his hands. “So, where are you gonna get it?”

“That’s the problem,” you muttered, taking a big sip of your drink. “I don’t think I want it really visible, like not on my arms or anything.”

Harry nodded, knowing that you were nervous about regretting a tattoo. “You thinking maybe around your ribs?”

He watched as you lifted your sweatshirt a bit, finger tips brushing over your ribcage. “I don’t know – heard it hurts really bad there.”

“Not too much,” Harry thought over his own experience, although knowing you were a bit more uneasy with needles.

“I was thinking like,” you patted the spot where you hipbone was. “My hip. Kind of cute, no?”

He bit back a smile. “Very cute.” The alcohol spoke before he could. He thought it was much more than cute, he thought that a tattoo on your hip was the best idea you’d had in years.

“Plus it’s kind of,” you paused, licking your lips. “Intimate.”

He sucked in a breath. He didn’t like the idea of someone else finding your tattoo. A tattoo that he was helping you figure out. He didn’t like the idea of someone kissing it, of someone peeling off your pants and being delighted to see a little tattoo there, just for them.

It was selfish of him, and he knew it wasn’t right. The two of you had both been single for a while and he had gotten so used to having you around, he was getting jealous at the thought of someone taking you away from him.

“You’re out of it,” you giggled, after a moment too long in silence.

Harry broke himself out of his daze. “’m not drunk,” he muttered into his glass, although he was. And the alcohol was clouding his mind, and he didn’t know what to do about it. “Hip is a really good idea.”

Mentally wincing at how eager he sounded, he watched as you nodded, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. “Think it’ll hurt a lot?”

He chuckled to himself. “It’s a tattoo darling, course it’ll hurt a bit. I can come wit’ you if you want, hold your hand and all.”

Smile broke out on your face, teeth no longer gnawing on your lip. “That’d be nice,” humming as you placed your drink on the table in front of you. “Did yours hurt a lot?”

“Couple of them were a bit more painful, yeah.” He nodded, honestly not really remembering. “Get used to it after a while. One’s on my chest were probably the worst.”

“I like your butterfly,” you moved a foot out, nudging his thigh with it. “I would be too scared to get something that big though.”

“You’ll see,” he laughed. “Once you get one you won’t be able to stop.” He mindlessly trailed his hand over his shirt, where his tattoo rested.

“Don’t know about that. I don’t know if I would want a too many,” you hummed into your cup. “I do like all of yours though.”

“Yeah?” He sat up straighter. “Which ones your favourite?”

You sit up straighter as well, shuffling towards him a bit on the couch. “Can’t choose just one.” He tried not to jolt when your fingertips met his forearm, gently trailing up and following the lines of his tattoos. “What about you?”

He was silent for another moment too long, watching your fingers move up his arm. Finally glancing up at you, meeting your eyes with a lazy smile. “Don’t know either.”

“You’re completely pissed,” you laughed at his slow response, his hand moved without thinking, and pinched your cheek.

“Maybe,” his mouth and hands were working without his mind. “Skin is burning hot darling.” Hand smoothing around your face, he moved away for a second to place his drink next to yours on the table before tapping your forehead with a cool fingertip.

“’s cold,” you laughed, eyes shutting in a slow blink. “I heard,” you paused for another moment, as Harry brought his hand away from your face. “Heard tattoos feel like a bunch of little scratches.”

“Something like that,” he hummed, not being able to recall any tattoos he’s ever gotten in this moment.

“It’s like,” he moved his hand to your waist, lightly pushing under your sweatshirt. If he weren’t so close to you, he would’ve missed the little gasp that left your lips. “Like this.”

His nails weren’t nearly long enough to properly scratch at your skin, but he slowly dragged them along your ribs. “But faster, and it’s a needle.”

“Doesn’t really sound like the same thing,” your laugh sounded nervous, nearly breathless.

“Not really no,” he laughed lightly. Shuffling even closer to you, leg pressing against your knee. The smell of your shampoo overwhelmed him, he had always loved it and in his intoxication, it was the most potent smell ever.

“What are you doing,” your voice dropped down to a whisper. Where his hand had earlier been on your cheek, he pressed a little kiss.

“I’m just,” Harry didn’t know what he was doing. He just wanted to feel your skin under his lips, he just wanted to be close to you. “Helping ya’ out with tattoo ideas.”

He pressed another series of kisses to your cheek, eliciting a sigh from your lips. You didn’t push him away, and his hand that had been scratching at your waist gripped onto your skin.

“’s just me,” he babbled. “Skin’s so warm, can’t help –” he breathed in deeply, hand on your waist moving to your knee. He gently pushed your leg aside as he settled himself in closer to you. His lips were by your jaw, and he wanted so badly to feel your own mouth under his. “– can’t help m’self.”

You didn’t move under him, except for a single hand coming up to grip the neckline of his shirt. “Le’ me,” he pleaded, voice low. “Please, let me.”

You tilted your head up a bit towards him, lips ever so lightly parted. “Go ahead.”

He took that as all the invitation he needed, mouth sliding from your chin to cover yours. He sighed into your mouth, knee coming up to the couch as he repositioned himself.

He kissed you deep, tasting you for the first time and not able to get enough of it. Your hand on his shirt slid around his neck, gripping tightly onto his skin as you pulled him closer. His hand gripped your leg, thumb rubbing small circles through the loose materials of your sweats.

“’s good, you’re so –” Harry couldn’t form one coherent sentence. He wanted to feel you everywhere, he wanted to cross this uncharted territory and feel your skin on his. A part of him, a tiny part of him in the back of his head was telling him this wasn’t right but he was pissed and he wanted you. Badly.

“Harry,” your voice was a dream. He had moved his mouth down your jaw again, this time biting and licking as he moved down your neck.

“Jus’ wanna kiss – want a taste.”

He lifted himself from you for a moment, helping you reposition yourself so that you could lay on your back, Harry hovering nearly awkwardly over you but he didn’t care. It was a flurry of lips on skin and quick moving hands. He pushed a hand under your sweatshirt, delighted in finding you not wearing a bra, while you shared lime flavoured kisses.

You were pushing your hips against his, rubbing against him in a way that made his breath catch in the back of his throat. He was hard and heavy in his sweatpants, drunk enough that he if he kept grinding against your hip in the way he was now, he wouldn’t last very long.

“Fuck,” you whimpered from under him, his fingers pinching and pulling at your nipple under your sweatshirt while his mouth met yours again.

He snaked his hand down your tummy, only hesitating when he met the band of your sweatpants. “Want to,” he panted, “wanna feel you.”

“Yes.” The single word was a moan from your lips, as his hand pushed past your pants. Fingers snaking under your underwear, he nearly choked when he pushed through your folds.

“Fuck me,” he never wanted to leave you. “You always get this wet?”

You only whimpered from under him again, head pushing into the cushion of the couch as he circled your clit. He focused on the way you whined and pleaded under him; the way you jolted when he pushed a finger inside of you, and then two.

You were warm, he couldn’t get over how hot your skin was all over and how much it made him melt. His lips were gliding all over your skin, sucking sweetly on your neck and moving roughly over your mouth. Catching your moans into his open mouth as if he could keep them forever.

“I – Harry please don’t stop,” you were squirming underneath of him. Arching yourself off the couch, pushing yourself against him.

Rush through his body at how desperate you sounded, at the way his name was moaned from your lips. “Cum fo’ me darling,” he curled his fingers inside of you, pushing every spot that made you gasp.

He worked you over the edge, eyes narrowing on every move you made. And when you clenched around his fingers, thighs clamping together and back rising from the bed, he wished he could stay in this moment forever.

After a moment you peaked your eyes open, lazy smile on your lips as he pulled you in for a deep kiss. Wet fingers slipping out from under your sweats, gripping your skin.

“So gorgeous, you – fuck –” he bucked into your hand as he felt you palm over his bulge. Your lips pressed into this straining neck, your turn to lick and bite at his skin while you grabbed at his cock over his pants.

“That’s it,” he praises, hips bucking against your hand. Your fingers trickled under the band of his sweatpants, gripping him blindly. Your other hand was patting his shoulder, nudging him with a muffled voice. “Harry, move up a bit.”

He scrambled up to his knees, pulling you up with him until he sat with his back against the couch with you on his lap. You were pushing up his shirt, kissing at his neck while your hand gently jerked him off.

“Jesus you’re –” he fell into your touch, leaning against you. The whine that left his throat as your hand left his cock came from deep in his chest. Watching closely as you spat into your hand before shifting over him again.

He couldn’t help the way he gripped your thighs as you worked your hand over him, until he was bucking his hips into your hand. A whining mess, begging you over and over again to keep going, to not stop and to never leave him.

“You are – fuck,” he held you tight as he dropped is head in the crook of your neck, breathing uneven as he came on your hand. After a moment he pulled you in for a sloppy kiss, helping you off the couch with wobbly legs to get the both of you cleaned up.

November 20th

He remembers that day like it was yesterday. The way you whined and whimpered under him for the first time, the way he found himself intoxicated (and not just by the alcohol).

Shy smiles were shared as he offered you stay the night, too late and both still too intoxicated to drive. You had decided you were too hot in your sweatshirt and grabbed one of his shirts instead. He pulled you in close under his sheets, kissing over your exposed skin and wanting to melt in the warmth coming off your body.

And apparently, you had completely forgotten about your sweatshirt.

The next morning neither of you said anything. Nothing of the sorts was even brought up again until a week later when you guys were out for a drink and he suddenly ached to have you under him. He had kissed you outside the bar, pulling you home with him until you were sat on his thigh grinding and moaning against him.

It had continued that way for a couple more weeks, neither of you really making any mention of it except for slipping hands under clothing and stealing kisses after a couple drinks.

That was, until you had sex for the first time. He was barely drunk, only needing one drink as an excuse to call you. Bugging you nonstop from outside the bar, wanting you to be there with him. He had managed to get you to drive over and pick him up, in your sweats and his shirt because you had been just about to go to bed.

You had walked him into his place, making sure he drank two glasses of water before he pulled you into bed with him, saying that since you were already ready for bed you may as well just stay the night there with him.

Cuddling into you, he couldn’t help kissing his way down until soon he had you on your back with his head between your thighs. Telling you over and over again that it was a ‘thank you’ for coming to pick him up.

But it wasn’t enough for him to grind against the mattress, while he pulled an orgasm out of you. He was greedy, he wanted another one, he wanted to feel you everywhere.

He eased you up to your knees, bending you over on the mattress with your ass in the air while he fumbled with the condom. It was everything he could’ve dreamt of and more, so much more. He couldn’t get enough, and didn’t think he ever would.  Holding your close against him, chest pressed to your back as he praised you endlessly. You were just as warm around him as you were his fingers, and he had to grip you so tight to make sure it was real.

Both ending the night passed out side by side, he knew the next morning he needed to say something.

September 19th

“Bit sore,” you laughed, following him around the corner from the washroom. He was getting some breakfast ready, and the sight of you standing in his shirt and nothing else made him want to take you over the counter again.

“Sorry about that,” he smiled, mind worrying over what to say next. “I – last night was fun, yeah?”

Leaning against the counter next to him, grabbing a handful of grapes from the bowl in front of you. “It was,” you voice was quiet, nearly timid.

“I –,” he paused again, unable to form the sentences he wanted to. ‘I like fooling around with you’ or ‘I like fucking you’ didn’t sound nice rolling off the tongue. “I like doing… what we’re doing. And I want to keep doing what we’re doing. If you do too.” He bit his lips together, mentally cringing at how awkward he sounded.

“I do too,” you said, averting your eyes from his as you nodded. “Both single, and it’s been a while, and…” Harry was relieved to see you also didn’t seem to know how to voice your feelings. “We’re friends.”

He nodded slowly, watching your every move. “Then, we’re doing this? Don’t need to wait for an excuse to have you come over anymore?”

Laughing lightly, you finally met his eyes. “Yeah,” you voice was airy. “But if either of us meet someone or need to end it, we do. Right?”

“Right,” he nodded, almost too eagerly and the new agreement. “What do you want for breakfast?”

November 23rd

Apparently, he couldn’t escape you outside of his house either. Deciding that wallowing by himself wasn’t going to get him anywhere, he thought that maybe a run would help clear his mind. It worked, for a good ten minutes before he stopped dead in his tracks.

Blocks away from his place he saw a red car parked. The same make and model of your red car.

Was it you? Could it be you? What are you doing so close to his house? He hadn’t spoken to you in weeks, not since the fight that made you leave in such a rush that you left your shampoo bottles in his shower.

Tentatively walking towards the parked car, not seeing the pendant that you kept hanging off the review mirror. He decided it was too risky, that if it was your car, he wasn’t ready to see you, especially if he was snooping around your car.

But the car was still there the next day. Deciding fuck it, and walked towards it, hoping he didn’t look suspicious for whatever reason. As he got closer, he saw for a fact that there was no pendant hanging from the review mirror, and that those dents by the door were not there.

It wasn’t you.

He didn’t know if he was upset or relieved. He almost missed those dents on the door, always telling you to get it fixed. Stubborn as always, constantly telling him that “I don’t need to get it fixed if it doesn’t affect how it drives.”

That car was the last thing he saw before you left his house the last time he saw you.  

November 5th

“What are you feeling for dinner?”

You hummed, opening up his fridge to stare at the contents. “We can make…” you were mumbling to yourself, examining the contents. “Do you have rice? We can make a stir fry,” you squinted in the fridge.

“Sounds good,” reaching through his cupboards for a pan, as you grabbed a cutting board and a knife, always preferring to chop the vegetables. “How’s your week?”

“Fine,” mumbling from where you stood across from him in the kitchen. “Work was the same, not to stressful right now which is nice. I, uh –”

He looked up at the hesitation in your voice. “I had a date.”

He nearly let go of the pot in his hand. He felt his stomach dropping, happy to be occupied with turning on the stove as he didn’t have to face you. “Yeah?” trying to keep his face calm before turning around to you again. “With who?”

“A guy from work,” you were averting your eyes, twisting the ring around your middle finger. You were nervous, he realized.

“How’d it go?”

“Okay,” you shrugged, looking down at your hands as they worked chopping the onion on the board in front of you. “We um –”

Finally you looked up at him. “We didn’t do anything.”

He didn’t know what to say. “Didn’t do it for you?” He tried to joke, but based off your expression he realized that really wasn’t what he should’ve said.

“Just thought you should know,” you looked away from him again, voice quiet. “Since y’know, we’re…”

Condoms had been long forgotten between the two of you. It was a silent agreement, that one should tell the other if they were going to be having sex with someone else. But for some reason, Harry had never imagined that conversation happening.

“Are you,” he tried to not let his voice shake. “Are you telling me you want to sleep with him?”

“No,” you shrugged slightly, pushing the onion around with the knife. “Don’t think that’ll happen. Just thought you should know.”

He willed himself to seem unbothered. “Okay.”

Back towards you again, pouring some oil into the pan on the burner. He could feel you watching him. Spinning back around, he saw you with your lips pressed to a thin line.

“What if I did want to sleep with him though?”

“You said you didn’t.” He desperately needed to change the subject.

“But what if?” For the first time, he realized he couldn’t read what you were thinking.

“Are you saying you want to end this?” Avoiding the question once again, he hated himself for the way he did it.

You blinked quickly, as if physically affected by his words. “I mean no, but,” you paused, and he panicked over what the end of that sentence would be. “What we’re doing its not – I mean what are we doing?”

He hated the tone of your voice, he hated how anxious you sounded. But instead of wrapping you into his arms like he wanted – and should have – he tried to swallow back any feelings he thought he might have for you. “We – we’re both taking advantage of the situation, no? Both being single and all.”

Your eyes narrowed on him. “So that’s it then? Call me over when you’ve had a few drinks and your hand isn’t enough to get you off?”

Fuck. “Darling that’s not –”

“Don’t. I practically live here, Harry. It’s not just ‘taking advantage of the situation’.”

The oil popped on the pan behind him, burner getting too hot. Swearing under his breath, turning back around to shove the pan off the heat. “I have half my things here. Wasn’t like this when we were just friends.”

Facing you again, he breathed out a sigh trying to calm himself down. “You didn’t have to bring your things over.”

You snapped your head up at his words. “That’s a low fucking blow.”

Suddenly you were moving away from him, away from the kitchen. He swore to himself again, hating himself for the way he handled the conversation. He hated himself for the way he avoided where the conversation seemed to be heading, to having him admit he wanted more from your relationship.

Calling your name behind you, watching with wide eyes as you grabbed your bag form the table, throwing it over your shoulder. “What are you…?”

“’m leaving.” Muttering as you brushed past him, heading towards the door.

Fuck. “Wait no,” he reached for your shoulder, hating the way you shrugged him off although you still spun around to him. “I – I didn’t mean it like that. I just,” he needed to say something, anything to get you to stay. “What are you saying?”

You sighed, dipping down to tug on your shoes. “I don’t know what I’m saying Harry. Maybe,” you sighed, gazing up at him. You looked tired, and sad. He hated it. “Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we should stop.”

All his blood left his body. No. “You want to stop?” This time he wasn’t able to hide the shake in his voice.

“I gotta go Harry.” You turned away from him, reaching for the doorknob.

“Wait,” he repeated your name over and over. “Don’t leave please –”

You refused to look at him, spinning away from him. He continued calling after you, pleading you to come back but soon you were backing out of his driveway and turning around the corner.

November 24th

In hindsight, he realized he should’ve just told you he wanted you all to himself. He didn’t handle it well; he knew that then and he knows it now.

What he didn’t know at the time, what he refused to let himself think was that he wanted more with you and probably always had.

Recalling the first-time boundaries were crossed when he kissed you; the jealousy he felt when he thought about someone else being able to see the tattoo on your hip.

He remembered when you had gotten that tattoo, the skin still sensitive and wrapped in protective plastic. He still kissed at it, pulling small whimpers from the back of your throat.

He supposes that boundaries were disappearing when you started bringing over and leaving your things at his place, including those goddamn shampoo bottles. You were right to question him over the nature of your relationship, but he was too stupid and stubborn in the moment that he chose to push you away instead of admitting his feelings.

Fiddling with his phone in his hand, opening and closing your contact in his texts. He had drafted countless unsent messages, but had ultimately left you in radio silence.

And how fucked was that?

He didn’t care if it had been three weeks, or two weeks and five days to be exact. He pressed his phone to his ear, holding his breath as the phone on the other end rang.

After the second ringer, he was sure you wouldn’t pick up. He was about to end the call altogether, not having the heart to face your voicemail when a quiet “hello” spoke through the line.

“Hi,” he couldn’t breath. “It’s me – it’s Harry.”

“I know,” your voice sent a jolt through his chest.

“Didn’t think you would pick up.” He laughed humourlessly, realizing in all the fake conversations he had with you in his head he never really was prepared.

“I can hang up if you wan –”

“No,” he spoke quickly. “Sorry I just…” I love you. “I just want to talk to you, need to talk to you.”

You remained silent on the other end. “Can we meet? I can come over are we can get coffee or anything, up to you, I just need to see you.”

You were silent again, and he needed to check his phone to make sure the call was still ongoing. “I can be at yours in 15.”

His heart flipped. “Yes, that’s perfect. I – yes, see you soon.”

It was probably the longest fifteen minutes of his life. He spent it pacing around his place, trying to tidy up but ultimately not getting anything done. By the ten minute mark he was sure you weren’t coming, but right on time you were pulling that beat up red car into his driveway.

The sight of you was making him flush. Seeing you in his space, in his company like nothing had ever changed.

“How are you?” He could hear the nerves in his own voice.

“Fine,” the word was muttered, as you tentatively sat down on his couch. The very spot he had first kissed you, he realized.

“Can I get you anything?”

“No, Harry, I’m not here to chit chat.”

He nodded, knowing you were right and sat far across from you on the couch, watching as you hugged your knees to your chest.

“I know, I –” he looked down at his hands, fiddling with his rings. “I miss you. And I’m really sorry for everything, for the way I handled everything.”

You looked up at him at his words, fidgeting with your sleeves. “I miss you too.”

“I really… I really fucked up and losing you was the last thing I wanted.” He needed to look away from you. “You were right, about us. We shouldn’t – I shouldn’t have let things get to be the way they did.”

“What do you mean?” Your voice was small, calculated.

“I mean… I was being selfish. I – fuck I wanted more and I was being selfish with you.”

He tried to gage your reaction, but just like last time he wasn’t able to read your expression. “When you asked me what we were doing, when you said all that I panicked. Thought you might try and end things, I was too in my ass about my feelings I just… fucked up.”

“You wanted more?”

“I did – I do.”

You were quiet, too quiet. After a moment in silence, you suddenly stood. “I have to go to the washroom.”

He could only nod, standing as well as he watched you disappear behind the door. Grabbing himself a glass of water, having no idea what you were thinking in this moment. He was wrong before, when he thought that those fifteen minutes were the longest of his life. This moment right now seemed to last so much longer.

You finally reappeared a couple minutes later, joining him in the kitchen but still standing at a distance. He had no idea what to say, he wished for you to say something, anything.

“You kept all my things.”

“What?”

You pointed to the bathroom behind you. “All my things, my toothbrush my shampoo… figured you’d throw them out.”

He smiled a weak smile. “Would never. Can’t bring myself to. Plus, you know I love the smell of your shampoo.”

“I’m sorry I left that day.” You were fiddling with the sleeves of your shirt again.

“Don’t be, I was a dick. I didn’t know … I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings. Couldn’t get my shit together. I just didn’t want to lose you.”

As you nodded, he was relieved to see your expression start softening a bit.

“I need you in my life, in any capacity. If you need time I get it, but I just can’t… I need to know you’ll be in my life.”

You were worrying your lip, slowly nodding as you took in his words. “I shouldn’t have pushed you that day. I was trying to… it wasn’t fair of me.”

“Stop apologizing darling,” he liked the way the pet name rolled off his tongue again. The two of you stood in silence for a moment again.

“I wanted more too.” Nearly giving himself whiplash for how quickly he snapped his head towards you at your words. You weren’t looking at him, eyes dropped down to where your hands tapped nervously against the counter.

“I – you did?”

You only nodded, watching as you twirled your ring around your finger.

“Never said anything…”

Glancing up at him finally, crossing your arms over your chest. “Well…neither did you. Plus, I thought I was, I don’t know, making it obvious. Spending nearly every night here and all… I was sort of trying to bring it up that day we fought.”

“Truly fucked that up, didn’t I?” He rubbed his hand over his forehead, pushing his hair up. You only hummed, and his heart nearly soared when you saw the corner of your lips twitch in a smile.

He couldn’t help the smile starting to build on his lips either, trying to swallow down his anxiety before asking you what he wanted to. “Do you still?”

“Do I still what?” You were really making him say it.

“Do you still… want more. With me.” He watched you intently, watched your eyes flick away from his; to your hands to the counter and around the room, before meeting his own again.

“Well… came over, didn’t I?”

Heat rushed through his body as he processed your words. “Is that a yes?” His words were a rush of a breath. He found himself walking across the kitchen towards you until he was standing in front of you, keeping a gap but still being the closest he’d been to you all night.

“Yes.” Every nerve in his body urged to jump forward towards you at your whispered word, but he held himself back.

“Good,” his voice matched yours: quiet, breathless.

He wanted to pull you in his arms, to push you against the counter leaving no room between the two of you but he also didn’t want to assume you’d jump right into it; maybe you’d want a bit of time, maybe you were still mad –

Any second thought flew out of his mind when the light touch of your fingertips met his neck, pulling yourself closer to him. His own hand instinctively wrapped around your waist, other hand sliding to your cheek, fitting with you like nothing ever changed.

Mouth quickly met his, and it was like kissing you for the first time all over again. You were still just as warm against him, still smelt like the shampoo that you left in his shower.

Your lips were light against his at first, a ghost of a touch as you pressed yourself against him and bunched the collar of his shirt in a fist. His hand on your cheek moved to tilt your head up to him slightly, as he held you tight against him not wanting you to ever leave.

A small sigh left your lips as he took a step forward, pushing lightly back to trap you between the counter and himself. Kiss quickly deepening as you let him taste deeper into your mouth, wandering hands pushing up under your shirt.

You were tugging at his hair as he pulled small whines from the back of your throat, gripping your thigh tightly as he helped you sit up on the counter. Mouth leaving yours with a pant, he reveled in the way you hooked your legs around him to keep him against you.

“Missed you,” he kissed the corner of your mouth. “So,” lips moved down your jaw. “Fucking much.”

He loved the sigh you made at his words; he loved every sound you made. Resting his forehead on yours for a moment, lips barely brushing. “You’re so warm darling. Missed kissing you, missed being with you.”

“Me too,” you whispered, pecking a small kiss to his mouth.

“I get to be with you, right?”

“Yes,” his heart soared at the single word. He was enamoured with the smile that took over your face. “Might still be a bit mad a you though.”

His smile matched yours, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Sounds like I have some making up to do.”

[caramelcal]

heartbreak girl

Word Count: 2.7k

a/n: ik i have requests to write (i am writing them don’t worry !) but i got super inspired when i was listening to my bbys 5sos

the luke hemmings / luke patterson comparison videos ive seen are my favourites, love it when two fandoms collide lollll

disclaimer: i do not condone plagiarism on my work at all, this has not been posted on any other platforms, or on tumblr anywhere else but my account (rosemoonmist) if you see anyone plagiarizing mine (or anyone else’s work for that matter) please inform the rightful author ! thank you lovelies x 

masterlist

You call me up It's like a broken record Saying that your heart hurts That you'll never get over him getting over you And you end up crying And I end up lying 'Cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do

You couldn’t stop playing the video. Ever since it was sent you from a random number, you couldn’t stop crying. The video was barely ten seconds long, but it was ten seconds that broke your heart. There your boyfriend was, clear as day, kissing a girl that wasn’t you.

It isn’t long before you heard the front door open and slam behind someone, reminding you of who you told to come over. Luke, your best friend since you guys met in the sandpit at six years old. When he accidentally pushed you in, so you kicked him in the nuts. You guys had been inseparable ever since.

Luke was your best friend, and you were his. You guys had been through everything together. When he first learned guitar, when you did gymnastics, when he joined a band, when you guys first went to high school, and now, your first heartbreak.

“y/n?” He calls from downstairs, looking around the dark room. He had learned from a young age to just come into your house without knocking, your house was his second home after all.

Of course, you do have a few female friends that you could have called but none of them knew you as well as Luke did and you knew Luke would be there with you through everything. He would understand. He would comfort you better than any girl ever could. You walked down the stairs, trying to keep your sobs in but once you caught eyes with Luke, the tears started to fall.

“Luke,” You let out, looking at the boy barely keeping yourself together.

“y/n/n, what’s wrong?” Luke questions, eyes wracking over your defeated posture before looking up at your puffy red eyes. It was clear you had been crying, but why?

“He- he-,” You cut yourself short, letting back a choked sob as you land at the bottom of the stairs, Luke walking closer to you, his face looking at you with concern, “Luke he was with another girl, he cheated-”

Mind wracking back over the video, you broke down into tears, falling into Luke’s now open arms. Suddenly, once you're in the arms of your best friend all of your walls come crashing down and you start to cry louder, letting out every emotion you felt that night. The sadness, betrayal, and overall heartbreak.

Luke holds the back of your head soothingly as you cry into his chest, playing softly with the hair on your head. By this point, he is supporting all of your weight but he doesn’t mind as he lifts you over to the couch, allowing you to continue crying in a more comfortable position than the awkward standing position you were in moments before.

Whilst Luke was sad hearing you cry, he was overcome with anger.  The fact that the scum would cheat, on you of all people. You were amazing, perfect even, so why would someone ever give away the chance of being with you? He knew he wouldn’t. Luke knew how much you loved and cared for the boy, Jack, and to see him cheat on you, he couldn’t help but be furious.

If he was being honest, the thing he wanted more than anything right now was to hook him right in the face. Punch him right where he stood, busting open his face so that no other girl would ever want to kiss him again. It’s what he deserves. Luke knew he was probably being a bit overprotective, but that didn’t matter to him, what mattered was that you were okay right now.

The last thing you needed in your state of fragility was Luke leaving you by yourself to set into the dickhead. Oh no, that could be done another time when you weren’t crying. What you truly needed right now was his comfort, so that’s what he gave you. He held you close, not even saying anything but hugging you closely, silently reminding you that he was here for you and always would be as you softly lulled into a sleep.

And when then phone call finally ends You say "Thanks for being a friend" And I'm going in circles again and again

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl

Walking down the hall, Luke’s eyes catch onto you. Even though he’s been with you all weekend, comforting you after the video you saw on Friday, just looking at you is a sad reminder of how you are doing. A frown has fallen onto your face whilst you look over at something. Following your gaze, Luke finds him, Jack, with his arm wrapped around the girl in the video.

He wants to punch that stupid smirk off Jack’s face, then they’ll see who’s truly laughing. When Luke’s eyes drift back over to you, he feels his stomach dropping slightly. The look in your gaze makes you look broken, eyes conveying a sense of vulnerability that Luke didn’t think was possible. Maybe it’s just because Luke knows you better and knows how to read you better than everyone else, but he notices all of the changes in you. He sees how your eyes lacked the sparkle they usually had, your usual smile not present, even your outfit seemed a little dull. Nonetheless, you’re still gorgeous, Luke thinks so, but you look different; less lively.

All of this heartbreak just because of a stupid boy. One stupid hard-headed jock that doesn’t know how to truly value the important things in his life. The stupid jock that didn’t know how much you were truly worth.

Luke knows he could treat you so much better if you just gave him the chance to. If you looked his way instead of Jack’s. He would hold you close and never let you go, let you know just how much you meant to him and those truly important around you. He would watch you like the only person in the world because you were the only one that mattered. 

He doesn’t even realize he was staring at you until he hears a cough sound from behind him as Reggie puts an arm over his shoulder, smirking, “You’re staring, pal.”

Luke, who’s eyes briefly glanced over towards Reggie when the bassist spoke, glanced back at you quickly, sighing lightly in relief when he realizes you didn’t notice him staring at you. He shrugs half-heartedly, not noticing the knowing look that Reggie gives him as he speaks, “I can’t, Reg. I’m not supposed to like her like this, she’s my best friend.”

“Best friend or not, I see the way you look at her, everyone does but her,” Reggie says before patting his friend on the back.

“She still likes him Reg, and I’ve known her since we were six. She’s been in so many relationships yet she fell for the stupid jock,” Luke says, shaking his head as his fists clench at his sides. He doesn’t realize but his face contorts into anger, making Reggie smirk, “she deserves so much better. She deserves someone who’s going to appreciate her. Someone who will show her how much she means to them-”

“Someone like you?” Reggie asks, making Luke glance at him with an annoyed expression, huffing. Reggie shrugs his shoulders, “Just saying man if anyone knows y/n it’s you. You just gotta be there for her and she’ll realize how much you mean to her. I mean, everyone thinks you guys are meant for each other, soon she’ll see that too.”

I bite my tongue But I wanna scream out You could be with me now But I end up telling you what you wanna hear But you're not ready And it's so frustrating He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you, it's not fair

And when the phone call finally ends You say "I'll call you tomorrow at 10" And I'm stuck in the friendzone again and again

Luke is frustrated. It has been two weeks since his conversation with Reggie, and the hope Reggie had given him for pursuing a relationship was surely fizzling out. Reggie was wrong, that’s what Luke thought anyway. Not only had you not realized how much Luke was bending his back for you, going out of his way to comfort you, being there for you 24/7, you had been so utterly stupid. Jack had given you the most insincere apology known to man, and you were meeting up with him for a date.

It had been forty-seven minutes since you had left, not that Luke was counting or anything and he still hadn’t heard a word from you. No text, no call, nothing. Jack was probably taking up all of your attention with his boring jock stories or his lame jokes. He probably didn’t even compliment you when you arrived and that was practically criminal.

You had been all dressed up when you left, not that Jack would have even noticed, but Luke did. He noticed the way the outfit you wore looked perfect on you, complimenting everything about you and most importantly, how confident you felt in it. You deserved more than a boy that wouldn’t even tell you that you were pretty, Luke knew that, he just wished you did too. 

He paces around his room, feet aggressively hitting the ground. He wanted to punch something, to let out all of the anger and frustration that was itching, begging to be released. Yet, his anger was cut short when he heard his phone start to ring.

“Hello?”

“Lu?” Your voice sounded through his phone, ringing in his ears.

“Y/n?” Luke said in confusion, eyes glancing up at the time, “Aren’t you supposed to be on your date?”

You hesitate to answer, a complete silence hanging in the air until your light sniffles sound through the phone, “He didn’t show, Lu. M-My mom dropped me off, I don’t have my car. Can you come pick me up?”

“I’ll be there in 10, stay there y/n/n.”

Luke ran out of the house.

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl

I know someday it's gonna happen And you'll finally forget the day you met him Sometimes I'm so close to confession I gotta get it through your head That you belong with me instead

Luke couldn’t help but smile at you, hazel eyes meeting your e/c eyes as he strung his guitar expertly. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for you to be at band practices, actually, you were at a large amount of them. It was normal for you to watch the band, well that’s what you said you were doing, but you were only really looking at Luke.

You didn’t play any musical instruments properly, but you could play a little guitar from what Luke had taught you. You remembered his teaching you, arms wrapped around you, hands guiding your fingers onto the different frets, playing different cords. He didn’t give up when you messed up, and instead, he smiles and shows you again, your back flushed against his chest.

It was no secret that you always enjoyed watching their band practice and perform, but it was different this time because they had gotten you to stop thinking about Jack. This was the first day that you didn’t feel miserable and instead felt happy in their presence. It was the first day that your gleaming smile returned, one that all members of the band had missed.

Soon enough, they were finished, congratulating each other on how well they played with large smiles.

“We’re gonna sound great at the rally!” Reggie says, flipping his bass down to his side so he didn’t have to hold it as he gave Luke a high five before turning to Alex, all of them breathing heavily with huge smiles.

“Of course, we’re still finishing with the other song, right?” Alex asked, eyes looking over at Luke for approval. He nodded his head, making you look at them in confusion.

“What other song?”

Luke glanced over to you, walking closer before kneeling beside you, guitar still in his hand, smirking “Can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.”

You groaned lightly, flinging your head back before giving the boy your puppy eyes, “Please? I won’t tell.”

He laughed lightly, shaking his head at you. Over the years, he had often been the victim to your puppy eyes, and whilst he often found them irresistible, he knew he couldn’t tell you this secret. He playfully slapped you on the arm, “Get those puppy eyes away, they’re not gonna work today.”

“Fine,” you grumbled, standing up before you stood up alongside Luke, who slung an arm over your shoulder. You guys shared a look, almost communicating through your eyes, something that you guys had gotten freakishly good at since you were kids.

“So, who wants to go grab a smoothie?” Luke said, turning his attention towards the rest of the band as you jumped on his back, ready to leave practice for smoothies.

I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure Heartbreak girl

Soon enough, the rally at school came and the students surround the stage that the band was playing on. You stood at the back, proudly watching them as they played. Their most recent song blasts through the halls, exciting the students more than you had seen for the previous people on stage, even Dirty Candy. Sweat drips off of them, lights blazing down on them with intensity.

Eyes looking at Luke, you see him jump around when he sings and it brings a smile to your face. You knew this was their surprise song, the song that they were ending with because it was an unfamiliar tune, but one that Luke was pouring every feeling into as he sang the lyrics.

Suddenly, he’s no longer playing his guitar and it’s hanging on the strap by his side, mic detached from the stand and he’s making his way off of the stage and running through the crowd. You’re astonished, not only because Luke is running off stage, but that it somehow isn’t affecting his vocals.

Everyone seems to knowingly make a path for him to run through, almost as if they know where he is going to. Your eyes stay on him as he comes through the crowd, slowing down to a walk as he begins to sing again,

“I dedicate this song to you The one who never sees the truth That I can take away you hurt Heartbreak girl

Hold you tight straight through the daylight I'm right here, when you gonna realise That I'm your cure? Heartbreak girl.”

His eyes meet yours when he is standing barely feet away from you. His hair is messed up, dripping with sweat but you barely notice. When he stops singing, he lifts the mic away from his face and holds it down away from both of your faces so that it can’t pick up what you’re saying.

People start to talk between themselves, all of them staring at you and Luke standing barely a foot apart, eyes gazing into one another but you don’t notice because you’re too busy looking at Luke. You’re speechless, heart racing faster than you thought humanly possible, with lips slightly apart before he whispers to you, “This is for you, my heartbreak girl.”

Then, his free hand makes its way up and cups your cheek, and his lips connect with yours.

[creativeashproductions]

A Distant Dream IV // Luke Patterson

Summary: In 1994 seventeen year old Luke Patterson had once again tried to ask out the girl that held his heart. With the belief he would see the younger Mercer girl the next morning he decides to wait to confess his feelings. Only to have soft music bewitched the reader into an antique wardrobe with lots of history

Warnings: Swearing, grief, mourning a relationship, sadness, angst, war/death, mention of strict parents, and fluff

Words: 3.1

A/N: This is a disclaimer: just because the reader and Luke start to get along better and have a date does NOT mean she isn’t grieving her relationship. Whether the love faded or not with Peter that is still a large part of who she was/is or don’t expect her and Luke to fall into a relationship immediately.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

The phantoms had disbanded for the night, leaving Julie alone in her room surrounded by books and Flynn. You’d snuck down to the basement as you had since you arrived in 2020 from a different world. The wardrobe that quite literally changed your life was in the back corner, unassuming for the young girl.

Your e/c eyes pinned to the antique wooden furniture that had traveled from England to America as if fate had guided it. No matter how long time went by you’d never been able to touch the wardrobe, let alone touch remotely close. A part of you feared finding if you could return to Narnia or not.

It was something you kept private from the new people helping you to assimilate back into a life on Earth. The boys often refused to leave you for very long after the traumatic disappearance, even when you urged for space. It had almost been as tricky as negotiating peace with a land boiling with civil unrest.

Alex had taken to holding your hand as you slept for peace in both him and you; he’d noticed the state of sleep you endured. It was fitful and often filled with memories in the form of nightmares. The one from last night reared its head once more.

An intake of breath as you pulled your fingers closed to your cheek. Eyes on the movement before you released the bow. The arrow sailed true into the unsuspecting enemy with a faint whistle as it travelled.

The body dropped, one of many of the battles you had attended since defeating the White Witch. A life was still a life, and taking one was incredibly difficult. You saw it in the eyes of Peter, heard it in Susan’s strained voice, saw it in the way Edmund carried himself, but the most heartbreaking was the feeling of Lucy’s tense shoulders in certain moments.

Edmund and Lucy had been children when the White Witch had reigned and fought. Lucy had been only nine years old when her foot first touched Narnian snow. At that tender age, she’d watched the evil of the world up close. Edmund not that incredibly older. The youngest Pevensie had watched her brother take his last breath. Felt the trauma of Edmund’s gasping as the cordial bled one life-giving drop of liquid.

“I’d like to say it gets better, but it truly doesn’t, Your Majesty.” General Oreius’ announced from his station beside you. It was a lull in the tension building as people got ready for the enemies on the horizon.

Oreius’ addressed you but kept his gaze on the approaching army from an enemy land; the General was gifted in multitasking. He’d stopped to give you a little peace in only the way he knew how to.

“Thank you, Oreius.” You informed the General as he took off into the land ahead, leaving you to hold off the enemy with arrows. The short lapse is a game-changer for you as you run into battle.

Last night’s dream had been a reprieve from the dreams of Peter staring sadly at you curled around Luke. It hadn’t happened, of course, but that didn’t dim the bonfire of emotions you felt for the hazel-eyed guitarist.

You couldn’t quite figure out if you loved Peter the way a wife should love their husband. It wasn’t solely Peter that made you come to the wardrobe frequently. It had to do with the family that became yours when your parents had been shitty.

“Hey.” Julie spoke, stepping up to your side. The first person to have found you in the basement where you had an entirely different life.

“Hi.” You murmured, breaking your stare to meet the lovely teenager who had taken your brother and friends into her home. Even if it hadn’t been a smooth start, the band had grown infinitely closer.

“Do you think you’ll ever go back?” Julie softly questioned with soft brown eyes taking in the action you’d known for years. Your fingers brushed a strand of her gorgeous coil hair behind her ear with a gentleness you’d done so with Susan and Lucy.

Julie watched as your eyes saddened, “I don’t know. Mere seconds before I stumbled out of the wardrobe into your home, I was an adult. I had been in my early ’30s reigning beside my husband, and then I was the same sixteen-year-old girl breaking the chains of the Mercer name.”

“You feel guilty you left Alex, Luke and Reggie without answers, but you feel like you’re betraying your new family?” Julie questioned, shifting on her sneakers to stare at the emotional mask you’d developed in Narnia.

“Something like that.” You simply replied, casting one more look at the wardrobe in your haste to leave the basement.

Julie waited until you had left before she opened the wardrobe with a loud creak. Her hands brushed material hanging before her hand met a solid surface. Her face dropped at the physical evidence that Narnia couldn’t be reached from this wardrobe again.

Julie adored you, but she wanted to know how true happiness looked on your pretty features. Even if she had to give up you just so you could be happy, it was worth it, so when you left the basement each visit, she’d check the wardrobe.

It always failed. Not a speck of snow or a call of your royal title. Had Julie not seen you tumble out of the wardrobe, she’d have never believed the story.

“One day.” Julie murmured to the silent wardrobe.

Your foot barely passed the threshold of your attic space when your ’90s friends dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Each wearing a big grin that matched the fake one you plastered on.

“Where’d you go this time?”

“Top of the Hollywood sign.” Reggie piped up, skipping over to distribute a cheesy tourist keychain of the sign. Had it been someone else than Reggie, you would have joked about it, but you never could with the sweet puppy like teenager.

“Thank you.” You told the boy who had taken to grabbing little souvenirs for you. You couldn’t remember when he’d sat beside you, but he’d softly informed you how much he’d missed you. 

In the year following your disappearance, Reggie had built up a collection of trinkets he thought you’d love; he was the one with the most optimism. Even if he believed you’d met an end, that little spark of hope never died. He wouldn’t be Reggie Peters if the hope wasn’t there.

“I wish I knew if my parents kept that box.” Reggie sighed, referring to the trinkets he had collected the year you’d gone missing. You merely squeezed his shoulder in response before catching gazes with Luke.

“Flynn still here?” Alex questioned, pushing himself to sit on the box bench underneath the window. He’d proudly chosen the wear one of the t-shirts Flynn had personalized for the band.

You shrugged, “Dunno. Julie found me.”

Reggie and Luke were oblivious, but Alex knew to the core of his soul where you tended to spend alone time. Alex would see how you’d return with that ache in your eyes more prominent, and your lips quirked down just enough for him to tell. He saw the guilt when you looked at Luke, the way you thumbed your ring.

“Do you want to hang out? Maybe to use Julie’s computer to search for our childhood friends? See if Sarah got valedictorian?” Alex asked, swinging his feet, trying to pull you from your thought which he was successful with.

“Sure.”

Reggie and Luke watched as you and Alex left the attic for some one on one time together, leaving the two.

“I wonder where they’re going?” Reggie questioned, staring after the closed door. His hands pushed into the back pockets of his jeans.

Luke shrugged, “You wanna write a song?”

“Sure! We could-”

“Not country,” Luke told the bassist, who pouted but followed as his best friend poofed to the garage. 

The two Mercer siblings wandered the streets of Los Angeles, each in their own thoughts but comforted by the odd brush of their arms. For Alex, it felt like the old days when you both snuck out of the house just for some air. To just to leave the tense expectations shoved on their shoulders by their perfectionist parents.

“If I’d never disappeared and you didn’t die, where do you think we’d be?” You mused, thinking of all the what-ifs. Would you have gotten together with Luke? Would Sunset Curve had gone on to do sold-out shows.

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I think if we’d gone on to be successful that Reggie would have a ranch somewhere. He might have even released an EP of country songs. I think you and Luke would be together.” Alex thought with a bittersweet smile.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Where do you think you would be?” You questioned the older Mercer, who simply shrugged, “I like to think you would have been happy. Whether that was with someone, who was worthy of you or just by being yourself. Maybe you would have started a charity or been an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.”

Your e/c eyes caught the smile growing on your older brother’s mouth, bringing a lightness to your body.

“I don’t think it matters. We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. If we had survived, I would have never seen you again.” Alex confessed, “I think we were always meant to meet Julie.”

You went to open your mouth when your eyes found one of the last places you wanted to be. Somehow you and Alex had walked into the area where the country club was sitting just as it was back in the ’90s. From a distance, you could see the unmistakable form of Sarah, the girl in your grade who had always unwillingly competed academically with you. Sarah was just another girl with heavy expectations from her own wealthy parents.

“Is that Sarah?” Alex softly chuckled as the girl, now a woman, holding the hand of her husband with genuine happiness, “She looks happy.”

“She deserves it. The rivalry all our parents had was insane, so I’m happy one of us got the least complicated life.” You informed Alex bumping your hip against his leg as you talked with the pink-loving male.

England, 1940s

Four youth occupied one of the many rooms in the manor that didn’t hold a candle to Cair Paravel grand size and beauty. Not that the four confused siblings spent time taking a gander in the room. Each focused on how they’d lived well into their thirties before regressing back to the ages they were when they stepped into the wardrobe. There were minor changes.

Edmund wasn’t acting like a knob, Susan inserting herself as dominant, and Lucy was quieter than usual. Peter, however, had a boiling rage he could barely contain within himself.

“Do you think Aslan did this?” Susan questioned her siblings. A single tear rolling down her face at the grief she felt.

Each Pevensie was in the beginning stages of grief. They had to grieve the life they had lost in a magical place. A place where the war didn’t ravage like it did to their home country. For the suitors, she’d only just started to seriously look into.

Not a single shred of evidence tied themselves to Narnia.

“Who else?” Peter scoffed, bringing a gasp from Lucy’s mouth. They had all proudly reigned with Aslan in mind. Not a word is spoken against the great lion who’d died for Edmund and came back to life.

“Pet-”

“This is your fault.” Peter told his younger brother with a grimace on his face, “We had everything we ever needed in Narnia. Why did you need to catch that stupid stag?”

Edmund’s eyebrows furrowed, “You make it sound like our lives were perfect. Newsflash, King Peter, but it was far from that. You barely focused on your marriage, let alone Y/N.”

“Edmund.” Susan admonished, glancing between her brothers as if watching a tennis match. The only sister paying attention as Lucy stared out the window at the overcast day.

“It’s true! His marriage was a sham, and he lied to the entire kingdom!” Edmund shouted with a heated glare, “You acted like you were the most important person in Narnia, like the only reason the place worked was because of your hand solely.”

“Shut up,” Peter growled, stepping right up to his little; Edmund had lost a lot of inches, brother with a sneer. Their hair mussed from rubbing against the furs.

“Just because you’re older and you had High in front of your title doesn’t lessen our power too.”

“STOP IT.” Lucy screamed, stomping her foot, “Who cares about that. How about we focus on where Y/N went? She was right with us in there, and then out of nowhere, she’s gone.”

“I know.” Peter’s shoulder dropped in defeat as it settled further into his mind. Not only had he lost the years he’d lived, but he’d also lost you somewhere along the line.

While you’d fallen out of love, or maybe you’d never even been in love with Peter; he’d faithfully kept feelings for you. Part of him had always known your heart was taken by another, but he cherished the times you had together.

“And she’s not in another place right now. She’s somewhere in the far future.” Edmund added with his arms crossed over each other, “She never elaborated on when, where or what the future looks like. How can we find someone that doesn’t exist yet?”

“We hope our future selves can find her.” Susan finished sending a look at each of her siblings, “In the meantime, let’s live our lives for her, so we have tons of stories for her to listen to.”

Molina Household, America 2020

Luke Patterson shook in his black vans, his best pair he owned, holding simple flowers Julie had gotten. Money from busking down at the pier for some cash the boys could have for anything they wanted. They always left money with a note when they got items.

The flowers’ stems were definitely in a battle to survive the grip from the scared teenage ghost. He’d started the day with a tickle in the back of his mind to ask you out. Just a simple date with no strings attached to see where it could go. He couldn’t chicken out when he’d already knocked, and the door was opening.

“Oh! Luke.” You gasped, blinking at the sudden appearance of the phantom. Luke’s eyes melted at the oversized flannel layered over a cropped dark blue sweater.

Your style pre-Narnia and during Narnia had coalesced over the few months you’d found yourself on Earth. Your love of cropped tops returned with a modest twist, the modesty unshakable.

“I know it’s been hard adjusting from Narnia, but I was wondering if you would go on a date with him?” He blurted, dancing on the balls of his vans with an expression of pure nerves.

Your mind flew twenty miles an hour thinking through the implications of accepting a date with this teenager. A dead teenager at that. Sure he was only a year older, but fate had a sick sense of humour. 

“I don-”

“I know in your other world you have a husband. I get that, but there’s something undeniable between us. It’s been there since the ’90s, and we always just pushed it away. I learned over the twenty-six years that life is too short.” Luke pleaded, slowly pushing the pretty bouquet into your arms, “Just one date to see if this is worth pursuing.”

You should have said no, but you couldn’t, “One date.”

Luke mentally pumped his fist in the air in celebration as if he was starring in a John Hughes movie. As if reading his mind, you teasingly thrust your hand in the air, the very same hand coming into Luke’s grip.

“There isn’t a lot that we can do, but Willie knows a guy unaffiliated with Caleb. Well, he knows him through a few guys, but he hooked me up. In this lovely basket, we have a menagerie of food that I can eat.” Luke spoke proudly with that same twinkle he always had with you by his side.

Your lips parted in pure elation. Luke Patterson was taking you out on one of the things that had been on your bucket list. A picnic date, something you and Alex each desired to enjoy.

Luke led you down a few streets to a park notorious for cute dates. Julie stood over a cliche checkered blanket. In her hand was an old iPhone or iPod hooked up to a Bluetooth speaker, a playlist curated of your favourite songs ready to go.

“You remember how to use this?” Julie questioned the teen ghost with one raised eyebrow. Luke nodded in his mission to unpack the food in a form that was as romantic as possible.

Julie nodded before casting a quiet goodbye to the two ’90s teens.

“How’d you know?” You questioned Luke as he poured a glass of the beverage he’d chosen. His ever-changing eyes flicked up to yours with an endearing expression.

Your eyes scanned his messy hair. He had taken the time to meticulously styled for his date with you. He’d chosen that gorgeous purple corduroy long sleeve shirt that turned his hair to melted milk chocolate. He hadn’t done a 180 on his style; he’d never tell you he’d styled his hair off his forehead into what Alex had dubbed the Prince Charming hair.

“1994 in the studio for Alex’s fifteenth birthday. Bobby snuck some alcohol he’d collected from his uncle’s BBQ and his father’s stash. We got drunk for the first time and played truth or dare.” Luke recalled with a smile. 

He remembered how much of lightweights they were and the way his heart fluttered when Alex answered Reggie’s question. He explained how his ideal date was a picnic in a park with either a guy he was seeing or his celebrity crush. He’d mentioned it was something he shared with you, and then all Luke could think about was taking you on a picnic.

“Dealing with Alex’s hungover ass was a nightmare.” You grunted, swiping one of the pieces of watermelon from a container.

“I can only imagine.” Luke chuckled, slowly shifting closer to you with a sandwich in his left hand. His right arm slowly slinked over your shoulders to rest, the movement halting as your shoulders tensed momentarily.

“Were you really gonna confess that night I disappeared?” You asked the guitarist currently focused on the delicious sandwich. It reminded him of his mother packing his lunch every day, even in his high school years despite telling his mom he could do it himself.

“I was. I chickened out.” Luke admitted and had he been alive, his ears could have flushed along with his cheeks. The bashful ghost struggled to meet your gaze, “I had-have this massive crush on you. I’ve had it since you called me your knight in shining armour-”

“When I sliced my knee open, and you carried me home.”

“I’ve never told anyone, but you’re kinda the reason why I started wearing no sleeves. The guys and us were watching a film, and you mentioned something about the actor’s arms.” Luke snickered with a smile that faded at your sheepish grin, “Oh my god, you knew.”

“Bobby let it slip, ‘I watched him cut the sleeves of his shirts, stitch the raw edges of the fabric, prick his fingers a ton, and he nearly broke my foot’”

“Yeah I almost dropped a weight on him.” Luke snorted, shuffling to lay his head to rest on top of yours. He’d quickly learnt in his mission to gain muscle for your attention that he liked the exercise. He continued to get in shape and grow some muscle, but he still wore sleeveless shirts for you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Luke beamed at your words, “Nah, you’re the beautiful one.”

The rest of the date was everything you had ever wished for. Luke went above and beyond your expectations, even as a ghost. He’d packed a sweater to help you into when the night appeared, and the cold came. He held your hand on the way home and walked you straight to your attic door.

Luke didn’t push for a kiss either. He simply raised your clasped hand to press a lingering kiss on the back of your hand.

“Sweet dreams.” Luke murmured before he walked down the stairs. The euphoria ensuring he forget his ability to poof.

He wore the same lovesick expression into the studio where two ghosts waited for all the details. Alex and Reggie each buzzing in anticipation for their guitarist best friend.

In your room, you analyzed your feelings closely.

The guilt wasn’t as suffocating as you’d anticipated after going on a date that wasn’t with Peter. Just the guy that had been a reason your marriage with Peter wasn’t how it should have been. You also knew in your heart that Peter would want you to be happy and move on. In fact, in the last two years of your marriage, things had changed to just being two best friends married. 

Your eyes met the window of your attic bedroom with a small smile. Your right hand slowly sliding the symbol of love from your finger. For the first time in a very long time, your wedding and engagement band left your hand.

“I’ll always love you, Peter Pevensie.” You murmured from your place in front of your dresser. The two rings slid into the old jewellery box where they would stay.

The only signs of your previous relationship status are just memories and a pale line on your ring finger.

Time to move on. Time to accept that Narnia was in the past and not in your future. Time to accept that Luke Patterson always had and always would hold your heart in his hands.

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