#the pain of being truly alive

[onewomancitadel]

Yeah, like, the theme of 'we are best frends and everything will be okay uwu' is exactly the sort of shit I hate. It's a halfway gambit. It's not really rooted in any ideals that are interesting to me and it's dishonest. I generally tolerate that attitude in RWBY because I understand that compassion can actually manifest as a physical superpower.

But the ideas present there in the story, that things might not be okay but in that is the pain of being truly alive, that there's some sort of middle path which doesn't fall into nihilism and cynicism but doesn't run away from the true emotional experience of being alive is more interesting to me and when there have been suggestions of that in the show, I've leapt on it.

It's a rare attitude, because people generally want escapism or they want cynicism/pseudo-realism masquerading as deep and meaningful storytelling.

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

[skrunksthatwunk]

this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me

[fuzzyunicorn]

Have the lil Satanists reached their breaking point yet? If not read my tags below

[skinnypaleangryperson]

How cocky and playful and boyish Rick is is always such an instant swoon ❤️❤️ the eyebrow raise and that smirk. I hoard them like a goblin

[anthromimicry]

anyhow, i have now come up with a happy end(ing) for misao even though... well, it may be debatable as to whether she deserves it BUT like wonder woman once said — it's not about what you deserve. and of course i'm not trying to say that misao could make up for all of the bad thing's she's done throughout the years because honestly,, she has a LOT of blood on her hands, but good redemption arcs for characters aren't made to erase all of the bad thing's they've done in the past, in my opinion. they're made to accept what they've done and how, although they CAN'T make up for it, they can start working towards a better future and won't make the same mistakes again regardless of what kind of protests they might face from people who think they might be faking it or that they don't deserve it.

but anywhozies, misao's happy ending is becoming a grief therapist because helping other people work through their grief would also help HER work through her own, i feel like... and somewhere where people really need it so maybe in the east end or something?¿ and she'd also offer some pro-bono therapy sessions for the rogues because, like i said, she's not trying to erase all of the bad things she's done because that's virtually impossible. but misao would be trying to make amends with people and that includes the people whom she counseled / had therapy sessions with in arkham. and they don't have to forgive her, OFC, at any point. but i just feel like that'd be something she'd put out there for them and what makes this ending even more truly happy is this.

misao reuniting with ryuuji, her half-brother, and since he works as a medical examiner (yeah, he eats off of the dead bodies, y'all JSJSJ) ... he could transfer to gotham + be a part of the PD and sneakily take back parts of people as gross as that might sound for misao to eat. but i mean, at least she wouldn't be killing people anymore and it's an arrangement that would work for them to be able to eat, in retrospect. so yeah

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[ozlices]

it'll be a year without her in less than an hour & i don't even know how to grapple with that. we're so strained from stress we've been nauseous & shaking for hours. on the cusp of throwing up but with nothing to release. just a gutted heart & a bleeding soul.

she told me she'd haunt me a long time ago. but, she didn't linger for long. which makes sense w stuff, but... it hurts. the emptiness is so hollow. the ringing is so loud. the darkness has never been blacker. the cold has never bitten so hard.

i just wanna skip to the part where im with her again. the world without her is muted, dull & bleak. i resent it.

[daz4i]

apologies for being edgy on main and sounding like a broken record yet again but my god. i was not built for life

[fuitygummy]

I think I’m failing therapy

[onewomancitadel]

The first thought I'm having right now about the new episode is that I didn't expect they'd really go in that direction of alienating Jaune because, you know, this is the fairytale gunsword diet anime show and the tone of it can be a bit twee, but they really did.

I thought that I had tonally stretched it a bit with my fanfic. But this is a really really interesting direction.

On that note, yes, Ruby telling them to shut up was really good.

[consciouschunkofmoss]

the amount of times ive come to tangle my thoughts of utena with a hora da estrela is very much worrying but also hey im having fun making these little analysis comparisons

you know its just something about a vessel who is so bare of its own self that is presented to be, innocently so with the childlike wonder that is to be given such a person seemingly lacking in personal life and any other upfront defining traits, such a raw culmination of an outsider experience where you can so easily miss the underlying bursts of vivid living and yearning for both the insignificantly small pieces of oneself crumbled in frigid hands putrid with the will of mere existence, and the extravagant bursting of any and all cloth that drapes their unknowingly burdened shoulders to the point of forceful and rigid transparency

[berrymeter]

rlly rough being made more & more aware of my disability when i look at how ‘productive’ i can be compared to other ppl

[legogender]

just remembered garmadon Day ruined

[chuluoyi]

soft gojo meeting his newborn hc, pleaaasee??

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 11:10 P.M 」

soft dad!gojo drove me to have another baby fever for the ntn time. you just have to put this idea in my head don’t you dear anon~

a part of gojo's love entries

the thing was so tiny, precious and squishy. it fit right in his hands, so red and fragile, almost like a toy—

only it was not. it was a real, living baby. his son, partly made by his own flesh and blood—his to protect.

“hello to you, my little minion,” satoru whispered to his newborn, wonderstruck by the sight of this small but clearly alive being. his eyes glazed, his fingers delicately tracing the baby's face, body, and tiny feet. “i’m your dad, yeah?”

his own soft voice sounded foreign to him. but at this moment, as he was utterly mesmerized by the sight of little human that just came out of you, his beloved wife, he couldn’t care less.

he had always imagined how his brat would look like. he even joked with you about how he’d get his good looks—and heck, the gods did hear him and this baby in his arms was the most handsome baby he had ever seen, blessed with his white hair and softest skin, as well as the rosiest cheeks.

his only dismay was that he also inherited the bluest of eyes, the curse in his family line.

well, but that’s a problem for another day.

he settled his newborn into the hospital's nursery crib, and nudged his pudgy cheeks once again. not even half a day had passed since he was born, and gojo satoru had developed a severe cuteness aggression for his son. he swore he’d spoil him rotten, shower him love he never truly experienced from his own parents, and of course, keep him safe.

with his heart full, he left the baby as he slept, and went back to your room.

in the very same predicament as your baby, you were still fast asleep. you were visibly exhausted, your hair was a tangled mess, and there was a line of dried blood along your lips—caused by accidentally biting them too hard earlier, during your labor pains.

even in the state of disarray, satoru still thought you looked ethereal, too good for him.

he ran his fingers through your hair, smoothing them, and he regretted it when your face scrunched up and your eyes fluttered open. “…hmm? satoru?”

“hey, sweets. how are you feeling?”

“i still feel like being split into two… but yeah, i’ll manage.”

“shush, of course. you feel that way often, each time when i—”

“don’t,” you warned, glaring at him. “i just birthed your heir, gojo satoru. don’t even start.”

satoru burst into a laugh so hearty and he realized he truly loved this dynamics with you. and that he was grateful for you.

he wanted to thank you for all that you had done for him. for returning his feelings. for marrying him. for going through that pain to bring his son to the world—

and most of all, for still being here. for staying alive to live another day with him.

“i saw him just now. our baby is perfect.”

“really? i want to meet him too…”

“soon, sweetheart... when you’re a little better, i’ll take you to him.”

but he wasn’t the best with words. and so even if he were to pour his heart out, everything would be condensed into this one sentence.

you were excited at the prospect of meeting your baby, when suddenly satoru leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead.

“i love you so damn much… you know?”

[origamihoshi]

Gotta love when your latest tabletop character becomes your new blobo but you can't talk too much about the character to everyone yet