#the perpetual struggle of wanting to do art

[jesncin]

Evening! I'm a young chinese/indo american and plan on reading your comic soon, but beyond that I've frankly just been desperate for any decent rep in DC/Marvel - are y'all aware of any comics / comic characters / runs that handle an asian character's background well? I feel like I'm slugging through quagmires braving search results. All of them are just talking about racism but I want the good, and process of elimination feels like a bad strategy. Thank you

Hello fellow Chindo! Thank you for planning to read my book (which obviously I recommend for great Indonesian representation, heheh)! :) They're probably pretty mainstream choices, but regardless! I have a couple of recommendations:

New Super-man: Kong Kenan, written by Gene Luen Yang

This comic run has a bit of a typical start before jumping into some truly refreshing and fun wider worldbuilding! My biggest criticism to Superman legacy characters is that they should expand on his inherently political themes, and they mostly just stay stuck in science fiction silliness. But not Kong Kenan! His world, cast and even powers are steeped in politics and culture, just an absolute treat.

2. Girl Taking Over: A Lois Lane Story written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Arielle Jovellanos

My all time favorite canon reimagining of Lois as Asian (she's specifically Japanese American in this version)! A perfect marriage of Lois' character as a hard working, career-focused, jaded girlie with the struggles of model minority as an Asian American woman. She stands out on her own here without Superman and has a fantastic cast system that builds her character wonderfully. I especially recommend this graphic novel if you were disappointed with the wasted potential of Asian Lois Lane in MAWS.

3. Superman Smashes the Klan written by Gene Luen Yang with art by Gurihiru

Need I say more? I will anyway. This is the best Superman story of all time, to the point it will actively ruin your enjoyment of other Superman stories for you. It seems so obvious to pair Superman's inherently immigrant allegory with that of actual immigrant struggles, especially with an Asian American family- who are perceived as the perpetual foreigner- and yet this is the first time that story really commits to that comparison. A fantastic reimagining of the original radio show arc that actually centers the Chinese American family being harassed by the Klan. My perpetual recommendation to anyone looking for their next favorite superhero story.

4. Shadow of the Batgirl written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Nicole Goux

Okay I haven't read this one yet, but I keep hearing good things about it! And It's written by Sarah Kuhn, who delivered for Girl Taking Over, so I don't doubt she did great here too. I do generally wish Cassandra will get to be written by a Chinese woman specifically since so far she's been written by Japanese writers. No shade to them of course, but I want cultural specifically. Cassandra tends to be in the vaguesian void and that's a disservice to her character.

The way this list is switching between Gene Yang and Sarah Kuhn is telling of the writers I trust haha.

I've got a heavy DC bias so I can't recommend much of Marvel, but I do remember enjoying Kamala Kahn's Ms. Marvel 2014 series under G. Willow Wilson's writing. Kamala is an endlessly charming character, and I don't think the MCU did her justice tbh!

Those are my reccs that I feel pretty confident recommending! I know there's other prominent Asian characters and writers in DC/Marvel, but they're a hit and miss for me.

[kaisollisto]

i want to throw myself away!!!

[chuwenjie]

Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse comes out later today so I wanted to write a post reflecting on my journey and experience working on this movie. So many people have supported me through this and I am so thankful to each and every one of you!

Text version of this post under the cut:

Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse comes out tonight. It feels really weird to be typing that out right now. I worked on the movie as a visdev artist for the last 2.5 years, from 2020 to 2023. Long post incoming.

There are a lot of reasons why I'd consider this film to be one of the most ambitious animated films to ever be made. As artists, we were asked to push ourselves far beyond our comfort zones and do things that had never been done before in animation.

Every time we reached a point where most people would say "this must possibly be as creative and weird as it gets," our entire team of artists and animators would smash right through the ceiling. The driving direction for the visuals of the film was to push the limits of every single frame; to challenge audience expectations and make something truly original.

The best thing about this film was that there wasn't a single boring day working on this movie. The hardest thing about this film was also that there wasn't a single boring day working on this movie.

There were times while working on this where the imposter syndrome hit me hard. This was my first big movie, and what a hell of a first movie to get thrust into.

I came in only a few years out of school with absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing. I constantly feared that someone had made a mistake in bringing me onto this film, and I was going to let everyone down. There was a solid chunk of those 2.5 years where I wasn't sure if animation was the right path for me.

If there's anything I could tell my past self it would be this: there are so many people who love you and believe in you. There will be a time when you get to stand on the other side of it, look back on everything and see how far you came.

I'm still working on self-acceptance every day (it will be a lifelong struggle, I'm sure), but I'm glad I didn't give up on myself. I'm proud of myself and my contributions to this film, and I'm certain that this movie will continue to change and shape the animation landscape just as the first one did. That's truly a special feeling to have been a part of. I am so incredibly grateful to every single person who helped me along this journey.

Here come the thanks:

To the ENTIRE visdev & art crew- it's been an honor getting to work alongside each and every one of you. My jaw is literally still on the floor from seeing your incredible talent day after day.

I want to thank Tiffany and Felicia especially for being there for me through tough times- I admire and respect you both so much as artists, and even better than that, my life is greatly enriched for being able to call you my friends.

Thank you Patrick and Dean for taking chances on me, teaching me so much about art and what I'm capable of, and encouraging me along the way. To Aymeric, your art is one of the reasons I initially became interested in animation and you have been one of the kindest & most empathetic mentors I could ever have asked for.

I want to thank my wonderful parents for believing in me always and raising me into the person I am today: everything I do in life is to make you proud. To my brother Andrew who is perpetually awake at 3 AM when I need someone to talk to- thank you for always picking up the phone and making me laugh.

And finally to my partner Luke for making me grilled cheeses on all of the difficult days, for never getting sick of me even when all I would ever talk about was work, and for patiently and steadfastly loving me throughout this entire thing. I don't think I could've done it without you.

Starting tomorrow I will begin posting and sharing some of the art I made for this movie; I'm looking forward to sharing some of my personal favorites with you. I hope each and every one of you enjoys Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse when it hits theaters later today!

[boyfriendgideon]

as yr favorite local jason todd fan sometimes i get so fed up with the apparent inability of most dc comic writers to write a class conscious narrative about him.

and yes, i know that comics are a very ephemeral and constantly evolving and self-conflicting medium.

and yes, i know they’re a profit-driven art medium created in a capitalistic society, so there are very few times where comics are going to be created solely out of the desire to authentically and carefully and deliberately represent a character and take them from one emotional narrative place to another, because dc cares about profit and sometimes playing it safe is what sells.

and yes, i know comics and other forms of art reflect and recreate the society within which they were conceived as ideas, and so the dominant societal ideas about gender and race and class and so on are going to be recreated within comics (and/or will be responded to, if the writer is particularly societally conscious).

but jesus christ. you (the writer/writers) have a working class character who has been homeless, who has lost multiple parents, who has been in close proximity to someone struggling with addiction, who has had to steal to survive, who may have (depending on your reading of several different moments across different comics created by different people) been a victim of csa, who has clearly (subtextually) struggled with his mental health, who was a victim of a violent murder, and who has an entirely distinct and unique perspective on justice that has evolved based on his lived experiences.

and instead of delving into any of that, or examining the myriad of ways that classism in the writers’ room and the editors’ room and the readers’ heads affected jason’s character to make sure you’re writing him responsibly, or giving him a plotline where his views on what justice looks like are challenged by another working class character, or allowing him to demonstrate actual autonomy and agency in deciding what relationships he wants to have with people who he loves but sees as having failed him in different ways, or thinking carefully about what his having chosen an alias that once belonged to his murderer says about his decision-making and motivations, you keep him stuck in a loop of going by the red hood, addressing crime by occupying a position of relative power that perpetuates crime & harm rather than ever getting at the root causes, and seesawing between a) agreeing with his adoptive family entirely about fighting nonlethally in ways that are often inconsistent with his apparent motivations or b) disagreeing and experiencing unnecessarily brutal and violent reactions from his adoptive father as if that kind of violence isn’t the kind of thing he experienced as a child and something bruce himself is trying to prevent jason from perpetuating. because a comic with red hood, quips, high stakes, and familial drama sells.

it doesn’t matter if it keeps jason trapped, torn between an unanswered moral and philosophical question, a collection of identities that no longer fit him, and a family that accepts him circumstantially. it doesn’t matter if jason’s characterization is so utterly inconsistent that the only way to mesh it together is to piece different aspects of different titles and plotlines together like a jigsaw. it doesn’t matter if you do a disservice to his character, because in the end you don’t want to transform him or even understand him deeply enough to identify what makes him compelling and focus on that.

and i love jason!!!!! i love him. and i think about the stories we could have, if quality and art and doing justice to the character were prioritized as much as selling a title and having a dark and brooding batfam member besides bruce just to be the black sheep character are prioritized. and i just get a little sad.

[ask-mobile-iterator-project]

Intro Post

This blog focuses on my Rain World OCs involved in the "Mobile Iterator Project" AU. ^_^

The “Mobile Iterator Project” (MIP) is a project created and directed by an Ancient named "No Cost Too Great" (NCTG) with the stated goal of supporting standard iterators in their productivity, maintenance, and longevity, so that they can operate at maximum efficiency, even after the inevitable mass ascension. ‘MIP Units’—iterators under the project—are created puppet-first in the "MIP Development Center" and later assigned to Local Groups, where their structures are built to support the Iterators around them.

MIP Units are uniquely developed with personality modules formed from memories and qualia donated by Architect (in-universe name for Ancient) clients. The exception to this is TWR, who was programmed more traditionally. This decision has been considered somewhat controversial, but the Director considers it essential to ensure their efficacy as replacements for the Architects, as well as for their "artistic vision" for the Project.

In total, there are 99 MIP Units, with IDs ranging from 01 to 99.

(This AU strays pretty far from the themes and canon of both Vanilla Rain World and Downpour, so please keep that in mind!)

⚠️Importantly, here are some warnings for sensitive content that may appear in the posts:

depictions of trauma and mental illness

heavy themes of manipulation (including memory manipulation)

depictions of emotional abuse

dehumanization

depictions of dissociation

identity struggles

medical malpractice/abuse, experimentation

child endangerment

generally dark themes

violence, physical abuse

infrequent body horror

When sensitive content comes up, I will leave a warning before the cut and tag as "sensitive content"!

Characters:

Starlight Symphony (SLS) she/her, [bio]

Frosted Briar (FB) she/they, [bio]

Glimmering Seafoam In Sunlight (GSIS) she/her, [bio]

Thorns Without Roses (TWR) she/they, [bio]

Perpetual Umbra (PU) they/them, [bio]

Legacy Of Famine (LOF) she/any, [bio]

*These are not all of the characters, just the main 6 that are open to receiving asks.

How it works:

Please specify who you are asking the question to, for example: (to SLS), (to SLS and FB), (to any), (to all), (to admin)

If you don’t specify, I’ll just pick myself. Though, sometimes, I might have another character answer too, if I think it might be interesting.

For admin asks, my friend’s overseer might want to add stuff too, so don’t be surprised if she shows up. For simplicity's sake, assume all admin asks are addressed to potentially both of us.

Additionally, I might add commentary sometimes, which I’ll tag with #admin commentary. My friend might do that too sometimes, so #overseer commentary for her.

I’ll do my best to answer your asks, with varying art quality, though I won’t answer all of them. Jade might answer some of them too, primarily the ones regarding, FB, as she knows them way better than I do.

We will sign off at the end of each post, denoting who handled the “broadcast” (ask.)

[Broadcast handled by admin], [Broadcast handled by overseer], [Broadcast handled by admin and overseer]

There is a light roleplaying/interactive element: The in-universe framing device for the questions is broadcasts being sent to the iterators, hence the ask button’s title. There may also be some occasional meta shenanigans.

I will be answering some questions from curiouscat rather than tumblr, and I will crosspost to twitter, too. This is probably too much work, but whatever. The askblog will be the main source of my attention, though, so posts will come here first.

Boundaries/Rules:

Please don’t ask questions related to your own OCs, because I don’t know them.

Please try to break up multiple questions into separate asks.

Nothing NSFW or suggestive.

No “magic” asks (like turning the characters into different things)

You can send items if you want, though

Please keep in mind that Frosted Briar is, for all intents and purposes, basically a child.

Rules may change as things go along and we figure stuff out!

Non-Ask Posts:

Occasionally, I may post content related to backstories and worldbuilding and stuff unrelated to asks. This will be tagged with #mip logs.

Tags:

#silly: for silly stuff

#angst: for angsty stuff

#dubiously canon: usually used in tandem with silly, but for anything that has questionable characterization

#sensitive content: content that may be triggering or upsetting

#mip worldbuilding: asks/posts related to worldbuilding

#mip lore: asks/posts related to lore!

#mip ask: in-universe asks for the ocs.

#admin ask: asks directed towards the admin/overseers

#guest appearance: asks where characters outside of the main 6 appear.

#mip logs: non-ask posts that build upon the lore/worldbuilding

#ooc: update posts, rule posts, etc.

#meta: hehe

#admin commentary: commentary from the admin (luna)

#overseer commentary: commentary from the overseer (jade or clover)

#overseer assistance: for when the overseers help with the process

#fanart: reblogs of fanart!! :D

#admin art: reblogs of luna’s, jade's or clover's art of the characters

#luna art, #jade art, #clover art: self-explanatory

#old: from the sls ask blog, consider it non-canon

#mobile iterator project, #rw mip au: self-explanatory

post is tagged with most of these

Main Admin: Luna, @mewguca

Overseer: Jade, @fauxbia

Overseer: Clover, @cloverlady

Thank you for reading!

For additional information on my OC usage permissions, please read my carrd

[hisseri]

vtm, the perfect setting for a sitcom

more info under the cut:

this isn't a proper campaign or anything, just a fun thought experiment i'm calling 'NYC outcasts' in my head :)

in life paša was a struggling comp sci student, in undeath he is a silly guy who takes the concept of 'masquerade' very literally.

david, on the other hand, is about as normal as people get. he is a regular human guy who completed his cs degree, got a well paying job, and has a great relationship with his parents. what is he even doing here?

asylym, the protagonist of vtmb, was politely exiled to the east coast after diablerising a certain prominent kindred in LA, which won her some favours with the clan tremere, but burned any and all bridges with her own clanmates.

cáit's mind copes with the horrors of the malkavian hive mind by forgetting anything it doesn't deem important. like the fact that she wouldn't know what a chicken nugget tastes like, them being a vampire, or, oddly enough, david's name. or was it damian?

upon entering university madaline made a conscious decision to be cool, extraverted and just like all the other girls. what she got in return was an eternity of hanging out with theater kids, a perpetual dissatisfaction with the art she creates, and a sire who kind of wants to turn her into a golden statue.

(thank you for reading to the end!)

[meeksyyy]

The Fawn and the Fox Parallels

Art by: Jesx.art

Parallels between the fawn & the fox and Elain & Lucien

I wanted to post about the parallels between Elain & Lucien and the fawn & fox imagery surrounding them in the books. If you rather listen to a summary, here is the Tiktok video I posted on this topic.

I don't see this talked about much, but I think the parallels are very fun and cute. Elain & Lucien are both alluded to as the fawn & the fox throughout the books. Their characters are also heavily influenced by stereotypes written in literature for the fawn & the fox.

The fawn & the fox have been used across literature for ages to convey specific types of characters. SJM applies those stereotypical traits to Elain & Lucien. They are two animals with very specific preconceived notions of them. The fawn & the fox are not your natural predators. They are animals that are often overlooked and people have assumptions about them just as they do with Elain & Lucien. For the purposes of this post, I am focusing on how those preconceived notions are perpetuated by the IC, how Elain & Lucien struggle with them, and the parallels between the two of them.

The Fox:

Our fox boy, Lucien. He is a ginger so it's basically a literary requirement that he be alluded to as a fox.

What are the preconceived notions of a fox: They are assumed to be clever, sly, sneaky, untrustworthy, etc. They are often overlooked because they are not the biggest predator in a room, but by using their wits, they can usually accomplish their desires by outsmarting those around them.

How do they relate to Lucien: Lucien is the 7th son so he has always slid under the radar. As the 7th son, his family didn't pay him much attention so he was able to devote his time to building his various skill sets. He was emissary for the SC and is now emissary for the NC. An emissary is by definition a type of spy. At one point, Feyre questions if Lucien is a spymaster in his own way. Lucien is clever and charming. He has forged relationships across the continent. He can use his charming and clever image to gain trust but also act as an undercover observer.

The IC: Despite Lucien working as their emissary and showcasing his trustworthiness, the IC projects distrust on Lucien. They question where his allegiances lie and if he has ulterior motives. We see this mostly from Rhysand, but also see it with Cassian and Azriel. Part of this stems from Lucien's prior allegiances to the SC, but once again, Lucien has shown himself to be trustworthy since leaving the SC with Feyre. When Lucien decides to live with the BoE, there is a new wave of doubt and questioning if his allegiances lie closer to Vassa. So despite Lucien showing up for the NC, they still perpetuate these fox stereotypes on him of being sly, sneaky, untrustworthy, etc.

The Fawn:

Onto Elain, the fawn.

What are the preconceived notions of a fawn: The fawn is assumed to be weak, delicate, scared, naive, and the easiest prey there is (sorry to the fawns reading this). They also are constantly underestimated and overlooked due to these stereotypes.

How do they relate to Elain: Elain from the first book has been coddled and protected by everyone. Nesta and Feyre admit to showcasing a special level of protectiveness over Elain that they did not extend to one another. Elain's soft, gentle, and sweet nature has been viewed as something that needs to be shielded. There is an assumption that she is not capable of protecting herself and needs others to protect her.

The IC: Throughout the series, we have multiple instances of Feyre referring to Elain as a fawn or with fawn imagery. Then we see Rhysand, Cassian, Nesta, Feyre, and Azriel all viewing her as something that needs to be protected. Something that needs to be hidden and shielded from predators. They view her softness as a weakness. For example, Azriel says there is a darkness in the trove which Elain should not be exposed to. They have these preconceived notions of what Elain can and can't handle and they feel it is their duty to shield her from it.

Parallels between Elain & Lucien:

We see both Elain & Lucien struggling with the projections of stereotypes of the fawn & the fox from the IC despite them having proved themselves multiple times. Lucien has shown to be loyal and has built an allegiance with the NC. He has shown up consistently since being their emissary. Elain, despite her soft nature, has shown to be resilient. Our girl stabbed the King of Hybern! She bounced back from the trauma of the cauldron. They are both overlooked and pushed to the side by the IC.

Across literature, the fawn & the fox have been depicted as two animals that fall under the radar and are consistently underestimated. As a result of this underestimation and oversight, they can turn things around and surprise everyone. They don't need to be the lion or the wolf in the room. They don't need to act on things through sheer dominance and violent conflict like those animals would. Instead, they use the preconceived notions against them to their advantage to be the animals/characters that nobody saw coming.

With Elain & Lucien being mates whose characters have been built on the foundation of nature motifs, their being the fawn & the fox personified only adds to the compatibility between the two of them. They are underdogs who are glossed over even by those closest to them and I am excited to see them prove everyone wrong.

Fun fact: Elain's eyes are described as the brown of a fawn's coat. She is the only sister to have her father's brown eyes. She was his favorite daughter and it is no small thing that Lucien spent time with her father before his death. I think this will be a major bonding point for the two of them. Lucien has also been described to be wearing fawn brown :)

[doiefy]

mad city // nct series

GENRE: sci fi, biopunk, dystopian, thriller PAIRINGS: features both x reader and mxm fics MEMBERS: johnny, doyoung, jaehyun, jungwoo, mark, possibly more to come!

note: if this series looks somewhat familiar, it's because it is! this is a massive rework of my old 'fight or flight' fic for doyoung, which I posted almost two years ago (pls don't read it, like 69% of it isn't canon anymore and I kinda hate it anyways). it's been a real struggle turning it into something I actually want to write for again (which involved changing the original plotline from x reader to dojae, for which I am VERY unapologetic, don't fucking touch me), but after a year or so of on-and-off planning, here it is. I can't guarantee that I’ll get these fics out super speedily, as I also want them to be very visual and will be spending a shit ton of time on graphics; but if you're interested in a tag list for any of these fics, let me know!

WHAT PEOPLE HAVE REFERRED TO AS THE SPLIT: the fracturing of life as it once was, the steady decline of the natural world, all perpetuating political tensions and rampant crime in two rival cities. 

To the north lies Iameh, an urban paradise of impressive art and culture, resulting from centuries of mining and exploitation—a pristine exterior built upon the hardship of their southern neighbours. In one of their forgotten limestone quarries lies Siacia: Iameh’s shadow, their forsaken history, but a thriving metropolis nonetheless. 

Siacia is all the blinding colours and deafening sound that Iameh is not, boasting citizens with supernatural powers and the most sinister advancements in biotech. From their empty mineshafts and grotesque lifeforms in the quarry lake arises Burner: the Siacians’ fuel, their weaponry, and their only chance against the genetic mutations that plagued them for generations.

But like all things that come out of the ground, Burner is exploited. It is quickly monopolized, used as a drug, turned into a bargaining chip by the Assembly, a loose organization of businessmen and mutants claiming to be Siacia’s ruling government. Those on the streets of the Quarry and its four cardinal faces know very well: what the Assembly demands from them must be given, lest they face their wrath. 

So the fissure spreads and opens wider between the two cities, between all people—only a matter of time before one finds themselves dangling off the edge. 

VOLUME 1: FIGHT OR FLIGHT

pairing: doyoung x jaehyun dark comedy with a side of angst, gay shenanigans and way too many dirty jokes.

KIM DOYOUNG HAS SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS surviving the Quarry streets alone: hunting bounties for the Coffee Cow (a ruthless contract killing agency despite their name), making poor decisions at drinking establishments, and searching for his missing brother. 

It’s on one trip to the bar that he runs into Jay: a charming, well-mannered businessman from the East Lanes, with a dimpled smile and particular taste for aged whiskey. One occasion turns into two into multiple—the two seeing each other more frequently with slowly-changing intentions, until the truth comes out. Jay, Jung Jaehyun to his close colleagues, is one of the Assembly’s founding members. Which, unfortunately, means he might have something to do with Doyoung’s missing brother, and makes him one hell of an enticing target.

The resultant cat-and-mouse chase across the city is as frustrating as it is exhilarating. But in a shocking turn of events, it reveals a destructive force beyond the both of them, one that needs their immediate attention and collaboration—regardless of who they are to each other. 

anticipated release: summer/fall 2024

VOLUME 2: VIOLET CRAZY

pairing: kim jungwoo x f!reader, johnny seo x reader angst wrapped in drama, tumultuous relationships, a slow but sure descent into madness.

In the aftermath of Johnny Seo’s return, the city of Siacia is not as it once was. Tensions with Iameh are on a steady incline, Assembly politics remain a treacherous game, all while a new strain of Burner spreads through the streets like wildfire. You and Kim Jungwoo are most apathetic to the recent chaos—the two of you like two sides of the same coin, both endlessly spiteful, now embroiled in a feud of your own. For as long as you could remember, your relationship with Jungwoo was one purely of grudge and petty revenge. 

But when Johnny begins his reign of terror, perhaps the two of you are in no position to be idle bystanders. Tragedy strikes Jungwoo’s family, and he has a reluctant change of heart. On the other hand, you remain by Johnny’s side, simply watching his flames burn hotter and rise higher. Merely overnight, your long-standing rivalry with Jungwoo has turned into a struggle for the future of the undercity. The inevitable resurfacing of your past, your forgotten history with Jungwoo, and Johnny’s inexplicable grip on you—it won’t be long before it all reaches a boiling point in the crucible. 

And certainly not long before you’re forced to face the repercussions. 

anticipated release: summer 2025

VOLUME 3: RIDE OR DIE

pairing: mark lee x gn!reader from meet-cute to heated romance. ride or die. madly in love to the bittersweet end.

Breakfast tea with magazines and tabloids. Clay-stained aprons and paint-smeared jeans. Afternoon tea with so-and-so, then back to the kiln and canvases. Dinner party with your fellow curators, handling flawless plates and dainty dessert spoons and immaculate champagne glasses—rinse and repeat, again and again, the routine of an Iamehan artist and socialite. 

Quickly growing tired of all the glitter and glamour of topside, you take a trip back to your roots: the north faces of Siacia, where you can shed all the silk and cashmere in exchange for the nightlife you grew up with. Dancing wildly to rediscover yourself and inspire your art, that’s when you find your muse: Mark Lee, a VIP at the Obelisk Nightclub, blue-haired and bright-eyed, immersed in the stories you tell him. 

You could stay with him forever, seeking thrills and adventure until you reach the ends of the earth. And yet, there is still much more awaiting: the unpleasant and the unideal, and the thwarting of your course by the stars above. 

anticipated release: TBD

VOLUME 4: WHEN THE SUN SETS

pairing: johnny seo x gn!reader psychological horror turned body horror. toxic romance and a tragic end. (!!) mature content, including manipulative, toxic relationships and darker themes some readers may find disturbing.

Johnny Seo is a reasonable man. A patient man, certainly, never reckless, never cruel. Johnny is loving, the perfect lover. Devoted, and devoted wholeheartedly to you. 

In the days and months after the Assembly’s establishment, he keeps you with him at every turn of the road: arm around your waist, head in the crook of your neck, always whispering and promising you better days. A sovereign Siacia is coming, he says. She will be free from the clutches of your northern neighbours, free to do as she pleases. You believe him—until one night, when he comes home bloody and beat-up, furious and unrecognizable. 

Johnny Seo is a meticulous man. A calculated mastermind, certainly, never reckless until he’s perfectly sure, never cruel unless he has to be. Johnny is cunning, the perfect trickster. Obsessive, and obsessed with keeping your memory alive. Obsessed with keeping you with him, an eternal part of him.

anticipated release: TBD

[taylor-titmouse]

kink that doesn't say it's kink 2, the sequel, where we abandon saying anything at all

so if you've been following for the past what, two weeks, i've been posting a lot of art with cherry, the perpetually imperiled farmhand and a host of barnyard furries having a go at her while she's tied up one way or another. and if you haven't seen it, by golly i have a tag for it on my patreon that you can peruse, including exclusives.

but i digress.

this series came about from me wanting to do SOMETHING with bondage, barnyard animal furries, and breeding kink. you'll remember from my previous post on the subject that i was struggling with tying this concept together into a narrative i could write, and ended up thinking about how kink and narrative should work together in a way where the kink is a natural consequence of the narrative, rather than the narrative being obviously constructed for the kink. have i said the word narrative enough times in this paragraph. i'm going to say it a bunch more times.

the solution i eventually landed on: don't bother with a narrative at all. the concept i wanted to explore was mostly visual spectacle: rope bondage, barn/farm aesthetic, exhibitionism, public use type stuff. and you don't really need a written story to enjoy those concepts. they are very much about the image of the scene. thus, barnyard bound is going to be a collection of illustrations, an art book, rather than a story. there's no narrative between them, no thread. just a hot girl in her cowboy boots getting roped up and rawed by animal boys for 20+ pages of pictures.

but what's INTERESTING and what's the POINT of this post i've been taking such a long way to get to, is how there is still an expectation of narrative created by the images. i've been asked several times "who is tying her up?" or "is this her farm?" and so on. requests for context as to how and why. and i would argue that you don't need a how or why, but i find it so fascinating how much the audience wants one, as opposed to a comparable image of real bondage.

you see a video of a naked woman tied up in some ropes in a studio and you're unlikely to ask why she's there, why She specifically is there, or who did it, or why. you might assume she's there because she's an actress paid to be, She specifically is there because she was willing or had the right appearance, and the who and why is presumably the person paying her to do it, for whatever reason that person has. or she's there because she wants to be and she's into it and it's a homemade porno. either way, that isn't so much a narrative as it is an explanation.

but you see a drawing of a naked woman all tied up in some ropes, and suddenly there must be a narrative reason. she is a fictional construct, and therefore she and her world must be constructed for a purpose. she has a design, and that design is serving a purpose. she's in a location, and that location is serving a purpose. it's entirely created by a series of deliberate choices from the artist. in art, we crave answers and explanations in a way we usually don't with real life pornography, because real life pornography is constructed within the limitations of real life, but illustrated art does not have those limitations.

and i'm just interested in the why of why a viewer might want this information about the art. why do you need to know exactly why she's tied up? it doesn't change that she is--but it might change your interpretation of the image and what you get out of it. for one viewer, the image of a woman tied up might be ruined by the idea that she didn't ask to be--that it's a punishment, that there's no explicit consent. the image won't arouse them if it comes with that context. for another, the image would be ruined by a context where she did consent. for them it becomes less thrilling when they're made to think about the necessaries of consensual bondage rather than the erotic fantasy of being held against one's will.

but if the image is presented with no narrative, no word of god, no explanation, the viewer has only their own ideas for how they feel about it. the viewer has to decide themself if the woman wanted to be tied there, who did it, and why. how you feel about the image is left entirely in your hands, making you responsible for your own interpretation. and i think this aspect of art is part of what makes doing non-narrative illustrated erotica so fascinating to me, as somebody who has Always prioritized narrative in his work. deliberately abandoning it has made it clear how much we desire it--perhaps to justify to ourselves that we're allowed to desire what we see in the work.

but that's a different essay

[cerastes]

I think my least favorite take, opinion, whatever you want to call it, is “why did Arknights not say the Inquisition was bad?”. It applies to any event, really, replace Inquisition with whatever the Authority Figure Organization is involved, and hell, I even agree with the sentiment sometimes, Arknights’ not flawless, but for the most part: You need to read better. You are playing the Game That Doesn’t Say Things Explicitly. It tends not to say things explicitly, turns out.

It kind of bugs me opening my inbox and seeing something to the effect of “I’m uncomfortable about Irene because she’s technically a cop, why is she not Condemned for it?” First of all, shame on your for wanting all of the art you peruse instantly moralized, to the point it needs to somehow involved a shovelful of The Opinion, served explicitly, at the drop of a hat. That aside, the Inquisition is not put on a good light to say the least, so even then the point is moot. Irene’s journey is very much seeing with her own eyes that “the Inquisition raised me, I respect and love the people I’ve met in it, as they do me, and the dogma surrounding the Inquisition is an important brick in the temple that is my life” necessarily is something that exists alongside “the Inquisition does in fact leave the imperiled to be doomed, and sees human life more as numbers and resources than human lives, the dogma is built, necessarily, on oppression of others as a means of fostering order and morale, and I’ve benefited directly from this privilege”, and that she has to make a decision. High Inquisitor Dario, her mentor and foster father, tells her as much: “Once you see things with your eyes, you have to make a decision”. Irene does in fact make her decision, leaving the Inquisition and the mentorship of The Highest Of Inquisitors, Saint Carmen himself, who was going to take her in and basically assure her a seat as a High Inquisitor in the future, because she found the latter realization to weight more than the former. In her own words, Irene decided to step away from this, because if she remained in the Inquisition, she’d only forever perpetuate the oppression on the Aegir, among other things.

Now, there’s definitely more to say about the Inquisition of Iberia, but I’m focusing on Irene here: Do you think it’d make sense for her to just suddenly have a moment of clarity, in the middle of all that fighting and struggling to stay alive, say “I’m antifa now, actually” and discard everything that has been her life until that moment just like that? If you do think so, I hope you don’t write anything soon. Your desire for catharsis is not unimportant, but the narrative shouldn’t have to accommodate for it in the most neckbreak way possible, and if you do need it to do that, then read something else, there are reads and games like that elsewhere (for example, Tales of the Abyss has the main character do an absolute 180 from one moment to another after a specific event in its story), but also do show some respect for the fact that Irene, in a way that resembles what anyone who just had her entire world view challenged not once, but twice (Under Tides and Stultifera Navis) would act, allows herself some time apart from the tension of the Big Happenings of the event, actually digest the paradigm shift, the loss of someone important to her, what to do with all the new information she has and what the experiences have taught her, and grow out from there organically. 

What I’m trying to say is that I’d rather have less “conclusive” overdone neckbreak moments of “you know what? Fuck this! Fuck you!” and maybe let the characters in any given narrative seep and stew into what happened and what happens from there on. Take, for example, Full Metal Alchemist, in which certain important characters have a real moment of “Hey... Are we... The bad guys?” that shapes the events of an entire, important part of the story long term, slowly, with the gravitas it deserves.

[quentin-didnt-die-in-the-books]

I don't think it was an awful decision to kill off Quentin Coldwater

Okay so I know how my url looks but now that I've spent a bit more time on this site and seen how other people feel about this, I think I should clarify my meaning.

Let me start out by saying Quentin was my favorite character both at first, when I watched the show, and after, when I read the books. He's the one I related to the most and just a character I enjoyed watching. His death was a shock and I stopped watching the show for a while after. But having read the books and gotten some distance from the incident, I don't hate the decision to kill him in the show. This is partly because he doesn't die in the books so if I want, I can just choose to only consider that ending as the real one.

But more importantly, a main point of the story that the books tell is that no matter what awful things happen in your life, you need to find things that matter and ways to move on and still be happy. Since the books are from Quentin's point of view, we mostly see his struggles and successes when it comes to finding reasons to live. But the show intentionally showcases the other characters much more than the books did and there are plenty of storylines that Quentin isn't even a part of. It is harder, in certain ways, to build empathy for characters through a tv show because it's not from their point of view and we, as audience members, can often have different interpretations of something we watch. So rather than being able to live through Quentin, we are almost a part of the story ourselves and we have to make our own way and come to a conclusion ourselves, rather than being led there by a narrator. In this way, Quentin's death is something that we have to get past and find a way to move on from in the story. I'll admit season five isn't my favorite season but it does have some of my favorite scenes in the show. It doesn't just throw us back into a fun fantasy world with silly humor and adventures. There is a grieving process and it takes a while for the show to become at all lighthearted again. After reaching Quentin's death and losing all interest in the show for a bit, it is significant to me that I ended up missing the world that it created enough to go back to it even knowing that my favorite character would not be a part of it. I'm not trying to compare this to losing someone you love in the real world because I don't think that is an accurate comparison at all but it is comparable, in my mind, to losing something that had sentimental value or missing out on an opportunity you can't get back. Realizing that something hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to and being able to move on and still enjoy other things again is very important and I think the show did manage to capture the spirit of the books even if that might not have been the writers' exact intention. I think some media is about escapism and creating a world where things are better but I don't think that is a requirement or a guarantee.

I also just want to mention that I understand the fine line between media as an art form and media as representation of the real world but I think this show does an excellent job of giving the audience a meaningful story even if it isn't necessarily "fair" to the characters. Obviously, media can perpetuate discrimination in the way it treats certain identities and communities (e.g. discrimination on the basis of gender, race, sexuality, disability, mental health) that are already discriminated against in society. I think in this instance though, there is also a case to be made for seeing the characters, especially Quentin, as a way to cope with the awful things that happen in the world, rather than just an expression of those awful things. I think The Magicians does do a good enough job of developing complex characters that they are not simply caricatures meant to represent entire groups in society for the purpose of making broad claims about those groups.

Obviously, I wanted Queliot to happen but I really don't think this show was trying to be homophobic given the many other examples of queer relationships in the show. I do think we still have a ways to go in how mental health issues are portrayed and treated in media but I think Quentin's death, and the whole show, itself, is about much more than that.

[squarebracket-trickster]

Sorry guys, rant incoming. I considered deleting this but I put too much effort in.

"girlboss" "girl dinner" "girl math" "boy math" "gen z are making fun of us for wearing x" "here's how to dress like gen z:" "girlies" "girl's night" "boy's night" "me and the boys" "90s kid"

"I don't feel like an adult" "I'm 34 and I can tell you, I still don't feel like an adult either." "My parents seemed like real adults when they were my age." "I still feel like a teenager."

Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you started calling yourself one. Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you stopped trying to dress like a teenager. Maybe you should move your bed out from the wall and get a wallet. Maybe find a calendar app that works for you.

You are an adult. Even if you live with your parents. Even if you do part-time shift work at minimum wage. Even if you haven't graduated college. Even if you are single. These are adult things to do. Because you are doing them. And you are an adult. Start treating yourself like an adult. Fake it 'till you make it if you have to.

In other, writing-related, news:

That trend on TikTok of 20-40 something women authors (and writers yet to be published) promoting their books like,

"Omg! I can't believe I've sold X number of copies!! I never thought I would!" "Ahhhh imagine publishing your book and all your dreams come true and now you get to meet famous authors and work with big names in the industry!!" "Would you read a book where [proceeds to list a bunch of oversaturated tropes that tell me nothing about the actual plot]?"

It reeks of infantilization. If you didn't believe anyone would want to read your book, why should I? You made it on the NYT bestseller list! Stop acting like a mega-fan who got to meet a celebrity. You are their peer! "Would you read a book--" What if I wouldn't? Why does it matter to you what I think of your book? And for the love of god stop hiding behind tropes you know are already popular. "Here is my book: This is what it is about." Have some goddamn confidence.

It is fine to mention in passing "this idea was really far-fetched so I didn't know if it would appeal" or "I was struggling with self-esteem when I wrote this". It's fine to fan a little bit. It's fine to discuss the tropes in your book. But why are you building your brand as an author off of your inferiority complex? You are using your poor self-esteem as a marketing tactic to seem "humble" and "relatable" but it's coming across as unprofessional and desperate for reassurance. You are an adult. You are competent. The more you act like it the more you will believe it.

And of course, I haven't seen a man promote his book this way...

On another note, do any of the 20-40 something women writers who do "write with me" videos on TikTok actually enjoy writing or are they just doing it for the aesthetic?

They all have gorgeous minimalism writing spaces full of white and pink and a macbook beneath a window. Their makeup is done and they are conventionally pretty to start with. But their entire video is just them talking about how little progress they made, how many pages they deleted, how often they got distracted, how frustrated they are. And like, yeah. We all have those days. But what about the good lines you can't wait to share? The days when the words just flow? The cool stuff you learned while researching? Why don't you ever make videos about that?

Is this some other attempt to seem "relatable" by only talking about the "bad" side of writing? Because again, it's coming across as lacking confidence at best and, at worst, that you don't actually know how to write. And that is not the brand you want as an author.

Again, its always women. Why must women market their self-esteem issues in order to sell their art? Why must we be perpetually awestruck children (girlies, book girls) in over our heads?

[casualsavant]

20 Questions More

This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks to @TetsujinOtaku88 for the tag. I'm doing this #Supercorp style.

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom?

I think the Supercorp Fandom is pretty self-perpetuating because the canon needs to be fixed and there's lots of AUs to put them in. Plus there are so many talented people whose art, video edits, and fanfic fuel each other.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

Following the answer above I think the beauty of Supercorp is that it attracts really talented creators. I love reading @searidings, @jazzfordshire's fix-its and canon-adjacent stuff, @lgbtimelords, @coffeeshib, @mycatismyeditor, and @snowydragonscave just to name a few. They have such a deftness of language and an understanding of the characters that it's hard to stop reading!

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I really love Sam Arias, Jess, and Alex. I wish I could get a better handle on Kelly because DANSEN forever. I also have a soft spot for Eliza and a deliciously evil liking for Lillian.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Karamel, Lames, Top Lena, Bottom Kara. To each their own. It's just not my thing.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Carry around a little notebook to scribble ideas, lines, sometimes whole scenes. Figure out a rough outline / structure / plot. Do unnecessary amounts of research. Open doc file. Plunge into dismay and self-doubt. Watch the show. Get frustrated. Open the doc file. Be filled with despair and self-loathing. Get a blast of inspiration and productivity. Cycle through mental instability, writer's block, and actual writing. Get dragged by Kara and Lena to unanticipated places that derails what I intended to do. Sighing and doing what the muses want. The elation of completion. Struggling with summaries and tags. Posting. Crippling anxiety and running away from AO3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The elation of completion. The unnecessary research is fun too.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

Cherry tree mutations and the structure of yakuza organizations in modern Japan.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Different tenses in the same document. Also it's and its.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Describing Kara's post-PZ night terrors and Lena’s fever dreams in Deliverance. Also the action sequence at the end of that story was so difficult.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

ALL THE TIME.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Both of them. After I come to my senses and out of a dead faint because I was meeting them at all. And then I would die of sapphication.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Oh my usual tags are: light angst, tooth-rotting fluff, friends-to-lovers, Lena needs a hug, Kara gets a hug.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Talking with other writers!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I usually give it some time before I edit so I can have relatively fresh eyes. Spell checking, punctuation, and grammar suggestions help you catch things but NOTHING beats reading it over yourself.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

Definitely the anxiety!!!

16) How do you define sucess for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think it's good to track kudos and I love getting comments. But ultimately I wrote for my enjoyment or for my peace of mind because the idea would not let me go.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship?

Nope but that's not a bad idea. 🤔

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

Wow I'd be thrilled if any of them got art. I am partial to the way @rustingcat draws Sakura blossoms though so maybe Cat for No Wrong Seasons.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

8 total. Finishing "the Arcana", "The Sound of Veracity" (Part 2), Prequel and Smutilogue of "Always With Me, Always With You", Supercorptober 2023 "Art" prompt, SG Mayhem fic, the Telepathy/Empathy fic, the Body Swap fic.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I posted my first Supercorp story in March 2023 feeling it would be completely lost in this large fandom and having no hope for it. I felt that I was too late. That everything had been done (and done better). I did find readers who liked and some who really loved my work. But mostly I learned to write for myself, which has truly been a gift. Write for yourself. Write what you'd want to see. You'll get better at it over time.

Tagging but no pressure: @fyonahmacnally @nottawriter @chaotic-super @luthordamnvers @fazedlight

[genericpuff]

Alright, update on the tablet situation, I do NOT have good news but there are some silver linings.

First off, thank you all so much for your patience. That one week I took off to relax seemed to be an invitation for the universe to fuck with my shit because my tablet literally chose the worst time to get on my nerves ( This is totally not something I'm gonna bring up with my therapist as proof that I'm not allowed to rest /s) I've tried just about everything to get it working again, I got a replacement 3-in-1 cable and even that didn't do anything, so I've ordered in a new pen, but that's not due to show up for another week or two.

However, I do not want to wait a week or two on the off chance that a new pen even solves the problem.

So the GOOD NEWS in all this is that I do still have my iPad. It wasn't setup with Clip Studio Paint because I own a perpetual license for my PC, but seeing as how now I can't use it on my PC (at least not with my tablet pen) I've gone ahead and setup the mobile version on my tablet, thankfully I got a discount because I already own a perpetual license but it's still gonna cost me $10/month so that's yet another subscription to slap on the 'ole credit card.

Now that does mean I have to go through the painstaking efforts of moving everything from my PC onto my tablet, but thankfully that issue is easily solved with cloud backups and transferring. Really all I need to be able to do is draw, I can still do speech bubbles and text input and texture overlays and all that post-production stuff on my PC, but anything that requires actual drawing I'm gonna be using my iPad for. So please, don't mind if you notice some weird little art differences between Episode 30 and 29, I'm adjusting to a new workflow! It shouldn't be too bad because I'll still be using the exact same brushes and textures and all that fun stuff that I do on my PC, it just comes with the adjustment of drawing primarily on iPad, which I don't normally do (I usually only draw on my iPad for tattooing and that's in Procreate which I still suck at using outside of lineart LMAO)

This is a very stressful situation that I'm hoping will only be temporary until I get that new tablet pen, and if THAT doesn't solve the issue, then I'm gonna have to start shopping for a new tablet entirely, and that's not something I can do immediately because I'm already starting to struggle financially due to the slow season creeping in at work and I'm still paying off that new PC I put down on layaway (which I'm regretting already). All that said, if you want to help a pal out, please consider tossing a dollar or two at me on my Ko-Fi, it's all gonna go towards a new drawing tablet if I need it (and if the pen solves the issue, then you'll be helping me stay afloat so I can keep bringing you guys the good shit LOL)

What's wild is that in all my Google searching, I found a thread from two months ago with literally the EXACT same issue, under the exact same conditions, in which OP's tablet pen unexpectedly stopped registering with their Huion Kamvas 22 Plus that they had owned for two years. According to them, it did start working again, after resetting the PC and re-installing the driver over and over again, but I've already done that myself a ton of times and I'm tired of being let down and that doesn't seem like a "real" solution beyond luck, so I'm gonna take a break from doing that while I get my iPad set up. I have the sneaking suspicion this might have to do with some recent Windows updates that just rolled out, my PC had definitely gone through a couple leading up to the malfunction. This wouldn't be the first time Microsoft has fucked with my tablet functionality so I literally wouldn't be surprised if it was something like that. Either that, or the '2' in Kamvas 22 stands for "will only last for 2 years before stopping entirely" LOL

Anyways, that's all for now. Thank you all so much for your patience and understanding through all this. While I don't want to have to reduce the quality or frequency of what I put out for you guys due to technical issues, I also don't want the comic to stop entirely, so if this turns into one of those desperate situations where I'm delivering you guys episodes of Rekindled drawn on a Nintendo DS, so be it. I'm not gonna let this beat me.

[mirahuyooo]

012 for namjoon please💜

012. What if he stares at you everytime you look away? + kim namjoon

— Everyone has crushes, especially you.

word count: 1,882 contents: FLUFF, pining, yn kind of an idiot and a coward but she simps HARD for Namjoon (FELT ✋🥺💖), Joon being the type of crush that makes you want to become and do better in life rawr, secret admirers, strangers to lovers, College AU pairing: kim namjoon x reader

[masterlist] | check out more of [Four Years with Mira]!    

A/N: ANON!! 🥰✨I GOT CARRIED AWAY AGAIN ✋😭💖💞💓 I was originally gonna split this into two parts but I pulled through so this is SIGNIFICANTLY longer than this others 😭😭😭 anways, I'm sorry this came out later than expected, but I'm SO glad you joined 💕 and I hope y'all enjoy this!! Happy Holidays everyone!! 🎄🎅💖

Everyone has crushes. 

It's part of life, one could say, especially as one goes out into the world and ventures into the prospects of love. Most grow out of theirs, while some have enough luck to manifest their crushes into fruition. Some, like you, however, are unfortunate to have a crush so potent and stubborn that it leaves one pining for years on end. 

It's a particularly difficult crush—one that has festered for years since high school, clinging onto you like a bitch no matter how many attempts you tried to make it go away. You're pretty sure it's not just a crush anymore, but you refuse to acknowledge that, because how does one even dare to confess to Kim Namjoon, prodigal president of the student body and part of the most sought after group of boys in the whole campus?

You can't. You absolutely can't. 

Compared to him, you were subpar—a chaotic, colorful wall art next to an esteemed art gallery piece, if you will. 

(That, of course, doesn't mean to disparage you and your achievements, because thanks to your perpetual crush on such an accomplished man, you've been inspired to do fairly decently in school, join clubs and competitions, and earn yourself a good reputation amongst your peers. It's just that, while you were good, Kim Namjoon is a whole lot better.)

Even now, tucked away in one corner of the library for the third day, you sat with your hair an unruly mess, getting in the way of you reviewing the lecture notes in front of you. A few tables away was Kim Namjoon, himself, who, unlike you struggling for an exam, was occupied with a philosophical book. 

In relapses of weakness, you find yourself staring at him a bit longer, drinking him in under the warm light coming through the windows. His dark hair has grown longer, you note, framing his face softly as he peers down at his book. His glasses sat at the bridge of his nose, part of the golden frame glinting in the light. 

The whole scene encapsulates his essence, you think, because while some may be intimidated by Namjoon’s height, build, and prowess, moments like these would show them his gentle nature—how simply content he is with the peace a good book offers. 

His eyes are warm as always when they look at you—wait. You?

Panic shot through you upon realizing Kim Namjoon, himself, is looking at you, offering you a small smile of acknowledgement you could only attempt to smile-grimace at before he decides to go back to his book. 

You, in turn, trained your head down to your notes and textbook, letting your hair hide a good part of your flustered face, but the heavens know you’re not reading about whatever the hell it is you’re meant to be studying for. You are beyond mortified and you could only hope you don’t look like a tomato right now. 

Oh God, may the ground swallow you whole! What if you looked like a weirdo looking at him?!

You didn’t, at all, expect your day to have an interaction with Kim Namjoon. A part of you, remnants of fairytale enthusiasm and wistful thinking, whispers treason into your ears and unleashes butterflies in your belly amidst your panic. 

What if he stares at you every time you look away? 

Imagining Kim Namjoon stealing glances your way, too, only for his eyes to be caught in yours, elicits a more powerful reaction from you than you care to admit. Your heart races and your knee bounces in some poor attempt to distract yourself. You poor soul, you need a minute—go to the bathroom and take a breather or something. 

And so, you did, waiting a few minutes  to seem inconspicuous before you take your phone and wallet with you, and leave everything else to your seat for your supposed bathroom break. 

It seems the universe, however, isn’t done with you, because as you return to your spot, your scattered notes and book was now organized more neatly than when you left it, and atop the pile was your favorite snack, a note and a black hair tie with a small butterfly charm.

You look around the room as you come to take a seat. This part of the library wasn’t as crowded, just you, a couple of professors, Namjoon and two of his friends. You aren’t close with any of them to even think of asking who might’ve left these for you.

What if it’s Namjoon?

You shake the thought away from your head, lest your jitters and delusion get the better of you yet again. Reaching for the note, you read it as you fiddle with the hair band. You’ve lost more hair ties, clips, and scrunchies than you care to count, to be honest, and so this little gift means a lot more for you than anyone else might think. 

You're a butterfly unaware of the awe you transpire with your presence. Don't hide your beauty from the world. 

Yours truly and always,

Your Admirer

P.S. You’ve been studying too hard! I’m sure you’ll do well in your exam either way so take care of yourself more :)

The note brings out a small smile from your lips, both guilty and beholden.  

Everyone has crushes. 

While you didn't think you were crush material, you're flattered still by this person's sweet prose. For a good week or two now, small gifts and letters began reaching you, all under the sender 'your admirer' inked onto paper by a typewriter. They were certainly thorough, you think, for not allowing you to go hunting for handwriting comparisons when the letters were typed in. 

They can almost contend with your feelings for the student body president—almost.  

In a way, you feel for your admirer—a kindred feeling of pining for someone, and yet, you also can't help but feel sorry for them. No one has ever made you catch feelings like Kim Namjoon—not even your favorite celebrity crush. Though you and your admirer have similar situations, however, you must admit that he's commendable in his pursuits compared to you, who is a likely coward for not making any moves to your own crush.  

As it turns out, your admirer has more balls for love than you do—even more than you thought, too. 

Sometime after your dreaded exam, flowers and a note appear at your designated seat in class. It was there before anyone else was in the classroom, a classmate told you as you idly caressed the white petals of the flowers you were given. 

Dearest butterfly, you did great on your exams. I know well that you worked hard for it and I'm so proud of you! 

It’s been three months since I began writing to you, and in three months, I fear my secret is more at risk, the more I hide from you. I know of your hesitation for my gifts and my identity, but I surely hope I haven’t crossed some sort of line in pursuing you. 

I've been mulling it over for a year now, and I've come to realize all I've ever done is pine from afar. Maybe, it's time for me to unmask myself, and look you in the eyes properly. 

If you'd let me, meet me in front of the library at 3 PM. I hope to see you then.

Yours truly and always, 

Your Admirer

Eyes widening at the contents of the letter, you duck away from the hallway and into the bathrooms. What's more is that they've been thinking of confessing for a year? One whole year?!

Damn, you are a coward. 

Compared to your admirer, you're years into crushing, and the most you've done with Namjoon was an idle conversation on a favorite book. You've given shy smiles, wordless support, and embodied his studious nature, but you've never even directly attempted to flirt with Namjoon, himself. 

Is this a sign then from the universe, itself, for you to move on from Kim Namjoon? 

Who is this person?

Curiosity begets you in the end, and here you are at the entrance of the library, five minutes before you were told to come, standing idly and fidgeting with the ends of your cardigan sleeves as you look around the people passing by. Your mind wanders, thinking about what sort of person found you enamoring enough to fall for you in such a way that they would write about their feelings for you in such beautiful words. 

What made them think of you that way? 

Do you know each other? 

How did they find the courage to pursue you?

In time, your eyes see a familiar tall man amongst the crowd, and you dread to think of your admirer and Namjoon being in one place. Your heart can’t take it, having to choose between someone you like and someone that likes you. Meeting your admirer meant giving them a fair chance to sway your heart from Namjoon, and you can’t exactly do that whe—

“(Y/N)?”

A voice, warm and deep, brings you back to reality, and oh God, Kim Namjoon is standing in front of you! 

“Hi,” you meekly smile up at him, eyes quickly looking around and unable to look him in the eyes. Where’s your admirer when you need them? Isn’t it time for you two to meet already?

It was then your eyes caught sight of a familiar looking hair tie with the silver butterfly charm on Namjoon’s wrist. Unconsciously, your hands reach to the back of your head, where your hair tie holds your hair back in a low, haphazard ponytail. 

This, certainly, makes you look up at the man before you, eyes wide upon seeing his shy, dimpled smile and the same small bundle of white flowers he reveals from behind him. "You're my secret admirer?" you could hardly believe the question that left your lips. 

Kim Namjoon’s been writing to you? Giving you small gifts? 

This is a dream. It’s got to be—

Namjoon, to your complete and utter shock, nods his head. "Have I, uh,” he clears his throat, the back of his hand coming to his face as if it’d shield him. “Disappointed you?"

"No!" you immediately shriek, shaking your head. "God, no! I've had a crush on you since eighth grade!" 

Crap. Slapping a hand over your mouth, you wish it’s a dream. Surely, you could do a better confession than this—something less embarrassing.

Kim Namjoon before you is just as shocked to hear of your years long pining, a blush spreading across his face. "We've wasted a lot of time then," he chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck, still bashful. 

Such words make your heart hurt. "Yeah…" you grimace, regret and remorse swallowing you whole. "I suppose we have."

More courageous than you, Namjoon hands you the flowers, a charming smile on his lips that marks the return of his dimples. "Would you like to go to a museum with me this Saturday?" he asks, making your heart skip a beat. 

Outside of wistful fantasies, you never really thought this day would come. "Of course," you smile, “I’d love to.”

Everyone has crushes. 

You and Namjoon, in a pleasant twist of events, have become one of the lucky ones to have them come into fruition. 

[jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae]

Blinding Lights Chapter Four

Hey guys, sorry about my impromptu break. The whole thing about Moonbin broke me. I had to step away for a bit. I didn’t want to write. Astro has always been my comfort group so I was struggling. I’m excited to get back into writing though. I hope you guys enjoy the new installment and thanks for all of the positive feedback!

Hybrids: Munchkin Cat Reader (Omega), Fox Jin (Omega), Panther Yoongi (Alpha), Golden Retriever Hoseok (Beta), Wolf Namjoon (Alpha), Calico Cat Jimin (Omega), Tiger Taehyung (Beta), Bunny Jungkook (Beta)

Masterlist

Word Count: 3534

Description: Y/N has spent the past seven years trapped in a hole in the floor. Forced in horrible situations she wished nothing more than to escape. When escape presents itself in the form of a group of seven hybrids, surely she must have finally snapped. Now, she has to figure out how a normal life works after being trapped in perpetual hell with her suddenly appearing mates.

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

Waking up sandwiched between Yoongi and Hoseok is warm and comfortable. Hoseok has flipped onto his back, I’m curled into his side and Yoongi is wrapped around my back. My cheek rests on Hoseok’s chest. Hoseok’s hand comes up to rest on my head, his fingers combing through my hair.

“Good Morning,” I whisper softly, glancing up at him.

“Good Morning, Sweet Girl,” His lips whisper across my hair.

We lay together for a while, whispering back and forth so we don’t wake Yoongi. He tells me stories of his time with the boys, some funny, some much less so. It helps me learn a lot about some of the other boys, specifically Namjoon and Jin, who I had spent the least amount of time with. They both seem to be rather busy, most of the time.

“So, Taehyung has a job? Like, how Jin has his own job? Where it isn’t involved in whatever it is you guys do?” I give him a perplexed look. He chuckles at my expression.

“Yeah. He works at an Art Museum. He does tours and sometimes, they let him display and sell his own pieces. That’s why he has an art studio. He goes through spurts of creating and he hasn’t been sleeping much because of it. He’s working hard,” His finger dances across my cheek, his touch soft and light.

“Hmm. That’s cool. It suits him. He is kind of like that hermit artist boyfriend that no one quit sure exists until they perceive him,” Yoongi’s arms tighten around me, his lips whispering against my neck.

“That was a lot of big words for this early in the morning,” Yoongi’s sleepy voice brushes along my neck, sending shivers down my spine as he noses my scent gland. A knock at the door interrupts the moment.

“Time to get up, babies. The cleaning crew is going to be here soon so we need to get breakfast in us. Jin just called out and got some take out so clean up will be easy,” Namjoon’s head sticks in the cracked door,” Is Tae with you guys?”

“No, just us three in here last night,” Hoseok gives him a confused look. Something about the question makes me uneasy.

“I’ll look for him. You guys go eat. I’m not really hungry yet,” I untangle myself from the boys and give Hoseok a quick kiss on the cheek, followed by a quick peck to Yoongi. I try not to get self conscious that all eyes are on me. I hop up and make my way to the door.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon’s words are worried as he opens the door further to let me out.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I can be down there right now. I’d rather look for Tae,” I pat his arm as I slip past. The first place I look is his art studio. When I open the door, I can’t help but gasp.

Smashed canvases litter the floor, some with various paintings on them. The pottery wheels we had used are over turned and crushed. A glance to the right shows a trashed supplies closet, various paints and clay and paint brushes decorate the floor, creating a huge mess. In the middle of the room, Taehyung kneels on the floor, his hands pressed to the floor and silent sobs racking through his body. His lips press together in an attempt to silence them.

“Oh, baby,” I approach him cautiously in case he doesn’t want me near, kneeling in front of him and wiping the tears from his face.

“They’re ruined,” His voice is broken and small, choked by tears,” My whole exhibition is ruined. They were going to let me have my own temporary installment but all of my work is gone.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” My fingers furiously wipe away every tear that falls. Tae’s cool scent is almost nonexistent, a ashy smell instead permeating the air. I run my fingers through his hair and pull him closer, wrapping my arms around him. His face buries in my neck as he unleashes his sobs,” I won’t tell you it’s going to be okay. I don’t know if there will ever be a time you’re okay with it. But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Use me to hide until you feel like you’ll be okay.”

With some maneuvering, his face never leaving my neck, Taehyung sits cross legged on the floor with me in his lap. I hum quietly, running my fingers through his hair and just holding him. It’s only when his sobs begin to slow that the door bursts open. Jimin comes barreling through the door, a bag in his hand. His eyes widen when he realizes that Taehyung is crying and he drops the bag, his cinnamon apple scent wafting through the air.

“Tae-“ Jimin seems lost for words as he takes in the destruction. He sits behind Taehyung, wrapping his arms around him, his face nestled between Tae’s shoulder blades. Taehyung leans back into him, his sobs finally lessening into small whimpers. We remain silent as his head grows heavier and heavier on my shoulder. When his breathing evens out, that’s when I realize that he has fallen asleep.

“Jimin, you were supposed to be up here making sure they ate,” Hoseok’s tone is a joking scold as he steps into the room,” Aweeee, look at our cute little Omegas taking care of our Beta.”

Hoseok ruffles Jimin and I’s hair, causing me to blush. He reaches between the two of us and lifts Taehyung surprisingly easily. Namjoon hands me the forgotten bag on the floor, the food probably long cold. I eat a little bit but I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t hungry. Flashes of yesterday still flash through my mind. Holding Tae is the only time that I couldn’t feel that moment overwhelming me. It seems that being in my mate’s arms calms my still panicked Omega. She keeps thinking that our mates will begin to hate us, that Tae will begin to hate us because it’s our fault his studio was trashed.

“You should eat a little more, baby girl. The cleaners are gonna be here soon. It’s gonna be a long day,” Namjoon sits on the floor beside me, taking the partially eaten breakfast sandwich from my hand and holding it up to my mouth. Something about our Alpha feeding us has my Omega purring. I eat a few more bites before gently pushing his wrist away.

“I don’t wanna get sick,” I gnaw on my bottom lip, my hands falling in my lap,” Do you think Tae will be mad at me?”

“What do you mean?” His eyebrows furrow in confusion. I quickly look down at my hands, my thumbs twisting together.

“It’s my fault his studio was trashed,” My voice is small,” They were looking for me. Maybe if-“

“Hey,” His fingers close around my chin, bringing my eyes up to his,” Get out of that head of yours. No one is mad. This isn’t your fault. None of this is. You didn’t trash his studio. I would much rather have a trashed house and you still here and breathing than a clean house and no you. Tae would feel the same.”

“We all do,” Jungkook pipes up. I jump a little, not realizing he was there,” The cleaners are here. We should vacate the room for now. Did we decide what we were gonna do for the day?”

“I hadn’t gotten that far. We thought you might like to go out with us for the day. Maybe have a little date,” Namjoon’s dimpled smile eases some of my tension at the idea,” Hoseok should have Tae ready to leave soon. He’s going to need a distraction for the day, anyway.”

“So, shopping at the big mall then? And the art supply store so he we can get him anything he needs to restock?” Jungkook pulls out his phone,” Is there anywhere else we need to go? Everyone’s going right? We all took the next few days off, right?”

“Whoa, slow down,” Namjoon stands and gathers the trash,” We could probably make a day of it. Get dinner, see a movie, maybe go to that arcade you and Jungkook wanted to go to. That should do it, I think. Try to keep it simple but give them enough time to get everything cleaned up.”

“Time to get the baby ready then. I volunteer!” Jungkook slips his phone back him his pocket and turns his attention to me. I quirk an eyebrow at him.

“You do know that I’m older than you, right?” I finally stand, stretching up on my toes for a second to loosen the tense muscles.

“No way, you’re way too tiny to be older than me,” Jungkook gives me an incredulous look. I roll my eyes.

“I’m a munchkin cat, of course I’m short. I’m the same age as Jimin, from what Hoseok said. That being said, I don’t think I need help picking out an outfit… unless you think I’m going to embarrass you,” I didn’t mean to include the last comment but the words flowed out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“No, never baby,” Jungkook steps closer, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks,” I just wanted an excuse to spend time with you.”

“Why don’t we all go get ready? It’s gonna be a long day,” Namjoon suggests. We all disperse, heading to our rooms to get clothes and change. If we’re going to be busy, I decide on a cute but comfortable outfit. A simple dress, some leggings, and some boots. I grab my phone from my night stand and shove it in a small purse that the boys had gotten me. It feels weird being in normal clothes. Some days, it’s like I’m back seven years ago and I’m just a normal girl. I feel anxious as I make my way downstairs. I can’t look in the direction of the kitchen. My arms wrap around myself, my body shaking slightly.

“Come here, pretty girl,” Jin smiles brightly at me, opening his arms. I enter them without thinking, my Omega begging for comfort. The comfort from another Omega always hits differently. She purrs as I nuzzle my face into his chest. It doesn’t take long for everyone to gather downstairs. One look at Taehyung’s face has me leaving Jin’s arms and wrapping my arms around him. I scent him gently, hoping to help him feel a little better. He clutches me to him tightly.

We disperse into two different SUVs. I sit cuddled into Taehyung’s lap with Jimin plastered against his side. Yoongi is driving with Hoseok acting as his navigator. Jungkook drives the other car with Namjoon and Jin. The mall we pull up to is massive. My eyes widen at the sight. We get out and Jin immediately kidnaps Taehyung, saying something about spoiling his baby boy. Yoongi stops in front of Jimin and I, holding out a black rectangle to me. I take it hesitantly.

“In case you find something you want. We’ve been meaning to give you one anyway,” In my hand lays a credit card.

“But I-“ I want to tell him that I didn’t contribute any money to it but he stops me.

“Everyone has one. Trust me, we make more than enough money, sweetheart,” He gives me a wink before turning back to the group. Jimin’s hand wraps around mine, a big smile on his face.

“Come on. It’ll be fun,” I trail behind Jimin, already feeling slightly overwhelmed at all the new smells. Jimin and I trail behind everyone else, his cheerful talking keeping me distracted from getting overwhelmed.

“Oooo, come on, this one is my favorite,” Jimin begins to drag me away from the group toward some high end, name brand store.

“Shouldn’t we say something?” I glance back at the rest of the boys as they continue on to a different store.

“Nah, we usually all split off to different stores. We just have to make sure there’s more than one person,” Jimin pulls me through the door and into the store. We browse the clothing and accessories. He picks out multiple things holds them up to me but the price tag is a bit of a deterrent. Plus, they’ve bought me so many things, I don’t want to spend anymore money on me. That’s when my idea blooms.

I move to the accessories section while Jimin looks at more clothes. There are necklaces, rings, and other various jewels in cases. Hoseok, Yoongi, and Jungkook wear a lot of rings. I worry about them not being the right size but something about a few certain rings speaks to me. As I’m picking them out and paying for them, a certain smell catches my attention, sending fear shooting up my spine. I take my bag and quickly thank the cashier before running to look for Jimin.

I find him cornered, a large Alpha, obviously in rut, has him trapped in the corner. His eyes meet mine, his expression nervous. I look around for some kind of weapon but there doesn’t seem to be anything of much use around. The Alpha hasn’t noticed me yet, seeming to have honed in on Jimin. Alpha’s in rut will focus in on the first Omega they encounter if they are not mated. Anything that can bring them the kind of relief they’re looking for. The fact that this one is in a public place concerns me.

“Come on, be a good boy and help an Alpha out,” The Alpha’s plea is probably meant to entice him but Jimin shudders. Maybe he doesn’t know Jimin is already mated? Although, he definitely smells like other Alphas. I step forward and grab Jimin’s hand, pulling him closer to me so his back isn’t against the shelves anymore.

“We should go. I bet Yoongi and Namjoon are looking for us,” I try to keep my tone cheerful but I doubt it’s convincing. My hand shakes in his.

“Awe, two little Omegas for the price of one? You guys should be begging to help an Alpha out,” The Alpha’s voice makes me cringe. I hate that tone. I’ve heard it too many times.

“Our Alphas are looking for us,” My voice is small but firm.

“No self respecting Alpha would let his Omegas wander off alone. You’d be better off with me anyway,” He’s trying to entice us, to convince us, but I can see the annoyance in Jimin’s expression.

“What right do you have to disrespect my Alphas? Just because we’re Omegas doesn’t mean we can’t go off by ourselves. We’re grown ass adults and your opinion doesn’t fucking matter,” Jimin’s voice is close to a growl. I squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“Such disrespectful little bitches need to be taught a lesson,” He raises his hand but stops in his tracks.

“You wanna run that by me one more time?” Yoongi’s voice is dark and stormy. I let out a long breath that I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Do these disrespectful Omegas belong to you?” The scent of the other Alpha’s rut intensifies at the presence of another Alpha. I cover my nose, taking a shuddering breath through my mouth. Since I’m not technically mated, the smell of his rut seems to be affecting me more than it does Jimin.

“It’s not disrespect if the person deserves it, way I see it. Now, I would appreciate it if you would leave my Omegas alone,” Yoongi’s arm casually drapes over my shoulder, pulling me back into him.

“This one,” He levels a finger at me,” Doesn’t have a mating mark. Maybe you’ll let me take her for a spin.”

“Do you wanna die?” Yoongi’s tone is casual but Jimin’s grip on my hand tightens.

“Hey guys, what’s the hold up? We still have a few more stops to hit?” Jungkook’s voice comes from the front of the store. The silence between the four of us allows us to hear his approaching footsteps. Jungkook stops behind us, seemingly confused,” What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Lets just get out of here,” I speak up, turning my back on the Alpha and gently push Yoongi back toward Jungkook. He resists for a moment and then lets me push him back. We leave the store and rejoin the rest of the group. I try to keep my mind off of the strange Alpha and his attempts at Jimin. I was used to people making passes or comments to me, as an unmated Omega, but it made me uncomfortable that he acted like that to Jimin.

I throw myself into my mission. I find a pair of matching necklaces for Jimin and Taehyung. A watch for Namjoon and a different, more discreet necklace for Jin. It’s a good thing I already bought Yoongi’s because he stays glued to my side. That Alpha must have really put him on edge because his Alpha seems to be bubbling up every time someone talks to me.

“Where do we wanna eat?” Jimin’s voice speaks out over the thrum of everyone’s chatter.

“Can we try that new steak house? I’ve been dying for a steak,” Jin grins, wrapping himself around Taehyung as he speaks. Taehyung seems to have cheered up significantly, especially after he got to go to the art supply store and order all new supplies.

We pile into our cars and head to the restaurant. I end up seated between Yoongi and Taehyung, at his request. I lean my head on his shoulder, letting Yoongi pick out what to order for me. I don’t really care, just feeling content to lean on Taehyung. It’s been a long day. The idle chatter dies down some when the food comes out. I keep my head on Tae’s shoulder, not quire ready to eat yet. I’m not used to eating so often.

“Baby, you need to eat,” The look Namjoon gives me a warning. I finally sit up and take a few bites of the steak in front of me. Yoongi puts some of his pasta on my plate. I cut up part of my steak and put it on his in return.

“I can’t eat all of it,” I shrug. The food makes me feel sleepy, my stomach quickly filling. From there, we head to the movie theater. I have no idea what movie we’re seeing but it doesn’t really matter. The seats recline and Taehyung has me sitting in his lap. I curl up, my face nuzzled into his neck. I doze off, the long day catching up to me. I sleep soundly until a hand shakes my shoulder.

“Huh?” I look up groggily to see an amused Hoseok.

“Looks like our babies were tired,” He coos. I look down to see that Taehyung has also fallen asleep. After we rouse him, we finally decide to forgo the arcade for tonight and head home. When we get home, I start handing out the gifts I bought everyone.

Jimin and Taehyung’s necklaces are on silver chains with compass pendants. Jin’s has a small silver lock on it and appears quite simple but suits him. Namjoon’s watch has a brown leather band and a silver watch face. Yoongi’s ring is silver and bulky with a blue stone. Hoseok’s is a complicated, twisted silver and gold band with no stone. Jimin’s is silver and winding, overlapping each other in some spots.

“Did you only buy things for us?” Namjoon looks at me in surprise.

“You guys have bought me so many things. There was nothing I needed to buy. I wanted to get you guys something,” Saying the sentiment out loud makes me feel shy. My fingers twist together as I look at the floor.

“Good thing I bought you something then,” I look up at Yoongi’s words. He holds out a small jewelry box to me. Inside is a silver ring with a white stone I don’t recognize,” White Opal. All of us have one and it was time you got yours too.”

He slips it out of the box and onto my finger. I throw my arms around him. It makes me feel like I belong. Everyone begins to split off, Jimin practically dragging Taehyung up the stairs. I make my way to my room after watching Jin escort (maybe more like drag) Yoongi upstairs to his room. It’s the first time I’ve been alone in my room. Something about being alone in here makes me anxious. After what happened to Jimin and I earlier, I decide to head down to Jungkook’s gym.

I lay out some mats and practice what he taught me. If I’m going to have to stand up for myself, I’m going to have to be stronger. I can’t keep standing by and letting them defend me. If I can’t defend myself, I’m always going to be the victim. I can’t be the victim anymore. It’s almost daylight by the time I decide I’ve practiced enough. I fall back on the mat, breathless and sweating. I close my eyes, exhausted. Without meaning to, I fall asleep.