#the prequel is going to be shorter if i can stick to the plan I have in mind... maybe 5 chapters. 6 or 7 maximum. can't wait to start it!

[puffinpastry]

Hello!! I adore your writing, by the way, both fics from you I've read!! I had a hard time deciding between asking about New Growth and Cryptobotany, but!! In New Growth, what does Wolfwood think of what's going on between Knives and Vash? Like he was technically a part of the Eye and has got to have some complicated feelings on Knives himself, but he's still trying to play mediator himself. He seems pretty chill with Knives, all things considered, but he also yelled at him pretty quick when he set off a panic attack in Vash on accident. So I'm really curious on what Wolfwood is thinking through all of it!

First off:

Thank you SO much! Both Cryptobotany and New Growth have been so much fun to write and I had no idea that they'd get as much traction as they have.

Secondly! Answer under a cut here! I got a little (very) long winded.

OKAY SO!

There are a few reasons that he's so relaxed about Knives hanging around and it really boils down to three things.

First: Knives isn't the only one here that's chilled out since the end of trimax. This version of Wolfwood has had the time he needed to do some inward thinking and more or less come to terms with at least some of the suffering that he'd been subjected to and the actions that he was forced to take to keep himself alive and the orphanage safe. Less of the kind of healing that actual therapy sort of help would do for him and more the result of there no longer being a constant threat and end goal to keep his mind too busy to stop and go 'Man. Was that fucked or what?' But the peace made him have to address it on his own. (Mostly on his own. Ofc he had support from Vash, it would've been impossible for him to miss.) He was able to accept what had happened and that very little of it, if any, had been his own fault. None of that is to say that he no longer feels any guilt over what had happened or that it doesn't still keep him up at night from time to time, but he has healed from it enough that he no longer has nightmares about leaving bloody hand prints on anyone and anything he touches.

All of that is to say that he recognizes Knives and his influence and responsibility for the things that the Eye did, either directly or in a more roundabout way, but at the same time the Eye is gone, LivRaz is free from their influence, the kids in the orphanage are safe from the possibility of having to go through the same things that he did, and Chapel is dead. All that's left of it is Knives and, well... The first thing he saw when he tracked Knives down was this man that was so clearly exhausted and beaten down. There was no fight left in him at all, and it almost reminded him of when he'd finally found Vash hiding out in a little town and calling himself Eriks. Except Knives didn't even have that little town or a Sheryl or a Lina to lean on or give himself some semblance of purpose.

So he went looking for Knives he'd only seen a few times before. The Knives he'd once pointed a gun at and feared too much to pull the trigger. He knew that this Knives was de-powered and defeated, but he still wasn't prepared for the sad wet beast born in a cardboard box all alone version that he found. He didn't even know that was possible… and kicking that when he was already down would have felt shitty to say the least. It was a version that was a lot harder to dredge up any fear for.

Second: This one is simpler. He knows that despite everything that has been done to him that Vash still has some deep rooted desire to have his entire family back, even if that isn't possible for one reason (dead) or another (tree-d and disappeared). He understands Vash's complicated feelings on it to some degree from his own experiences with the orphanage after he left and for the extended period of time where he thought he would never be able to go home. Their situations weren't the same, but they were just close enough for him to empathize with Vash. But then there Knives is all of a sudden, and even if it isn't going to fit in with or match up to the sort of impossible, idealized, shameful daydreams that Vash has to have from time to time, it's suddenly possible for there to be some kind of reconcilliation and even if they try and fail then there's more closure there than there would be if Knives was chased off and Vash was left to wonder what-if for the rest of his life. So even if he still does rightfully hate Knives... He hates the idea of Vash suffering another regret and having to cope with another source of misplaced guilt more.

And he wasn't lying when he told Knives that he wanted the twins to have more family and more support in their lives. Yeah, they've got him and Vash, and they've got Meryl and Milly and LivRaz. They've got the help of Melanie and they've visited the kids in the orphanage before, and they even have a few of the townsfolk, but Knives would be an important addition for the fact that he is a plant, and the twins are going to need some sort of guidance and Vash can only offer so much of that himself. Especially as he is now without powers and after a lifetime of trying to distance himself from what he was and after receiving no guidance of his own. They each had to figure out everything as they grew and between the both of them then the girls might not have to struggle as much as they did.

Third: this is the most important point. In New Growth Wolfwood knows about Tesla. I'll actually be getting more into this and why Vash chose to actually share something THAT personal later on because the idea of a short Wolfwood focused prequel planted itself into my head recently and I'm going to be doing something about that as soon as New Growth is finished. But anyway! Wolfwood knows about Tesla, and he knows about how both Knives and Vash reacted to their discovery of her. He knows why Knives made the choices he did, and he understands why he made them. Knowing that all of his actions came from fear and exactly what caused it gave him everything he needed to know to feel safe in believing it when Knives says that he's done.

So he is more comfortable with Knives around than he would have been without that knowledge, without needing him around for the girls' sake, and if Vash didn't want anything to do with him, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still hold any uncertainty about having him in their home. He's still worried about the very real possibility of the whole thing falling apart and going wrong. Accidents still happen, and the panic attack that Knives triggered is a perfect example of that.

Even if the mistake that triggered that whole thing was pretty much harmless, the picture it made was still startling enough that it set off some of those fears. His reaction wasn't warranted but it wasn't exactly unwarranted at the same time. Does he really think that Knives is a danger/is going to do something to hurt anyone there? No. But the anxiety is there and he's spent the whole time feeling like he's juggling the temperaments and the potential for violence of two pretty much wild animals, even if those wild animals are busy playing house.

So in short... outwardly he's pretty calm, and he's having a good time pretending that he's all chilled out and in total control of the situation (and he kind of is, Vash and Knives are struggling but he's really doing the best he can for them and it's working) but internally he's shaking like a nervous chihuahua.

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost / Tobias Forge: “We're going to keep on changing the set a little bit throughout the tour cycle. More than we ever did before.”

In 2018, Ghost fans were introduced to Prequelle, which brought with it some inspirations that were clearly more 80s oriented. Totally uninhibited, Tobias Forge, mastermind with his thousand-stringed bow, brought us tasty melodies that took us back to the best of AOR while maintaining the mystical identity of a band that fascinates more and more with each release. COVID-19 would unfortunately delay the continuation of the adventures of Cardinal Copia who became Papa Emeritus IV (Tobias’ on-stage alter-ego) in the meantime. Impera, a new, slightly heavier release, but also a worthy sequel to Prequelle, arrived just in time for the resumption of live concerts. Here we discuss the new album and upcoming tour with Tobias Forge.

Hello Tobias, how are you? How are you feeling three days before starting the Impera Tour in Manchester?

Hello! Right now, I’m still in Sweden. One of the reasons why I’m still here is because of the same old story we’ve heard over the past couple of years: COVID. Everything is very dependent on traveling, of course, and transport. With all those delays, all our gear has been traveling since we stopped the US tour at the beginning of March, it’s just arrived in the UK like today or something like that...

I guess it’s complicated to schedule everything the way you want it. But we’re curious, will this tour be reminiscent of what you did after Prequelle? ?

I’m not gonna lie, everything is very late. Our teams are working over there to get everything in order. The show we will play during the Impera Tour will be slightly shorter compared to the Prequelle era. At this period of time we were playing two and a half hours with an intermission. For this tour, this is going to be more an hour and a half or something like that. It will match with the shows that we did in the U.S. in January, February, March, but longer.

Impera is an album we can easily imagine being played in its entirety in concert. Have you considered doing this?

Well, at some point maybe, but not right now. I can't really say why we didn't choose to do that. Let’s say I think we are not ready to do that yet. We needed to be a little bit more to the point. Honestly, between the U.S. tour and this tour, we just haven't. We live on so many places on the Earth, we didn't have any opportunity to sort of reconfigure everything from the ground up to something completely different. But in the future we might, because, you know, what you will see during the European tour is not going to be the same thing that you will see later in the year and next year. We're going to keep on changing the set a little bit throughout the tour cycle. More than we ever did before.

Hunter’s Moon is the first song we heard from Impera at the end of 2021. We knew it was part of the Halloween Kills movie, but in your mind, was this song always meant for Impera?

Not initially when we started recording in 2018. Hunter's Moon was meant to be a separate track, but I wasn't satisfied with the result. I found the one that we sent off to the film company not to be to my liking. So I wanted to remake it for the album because it felt like a strong song to be part of an album as well. Of course, being part of an album is a bigger thing, but I figured that Hunter’s Moon was just too good to be just buried someplace out there. I needed to fix it. The only way to get my version out was to have it on the album. It’s that upbeat sort of poppy track that I had in my head and wanted for Impera.

Does Impera look and sound like what you had in mind a couple of years ago when you started planning the album?

It's very much like working on a movie. You can have a script, you can have a story, etc… But at the end of the day, everything is based on the takes, the actors and the circumstances. I really think it’s the same for an album and the tracks in it. You can have an idea for years that you stick to, but the record is never made until you're in the last stage of recording because you are always messing with stuff in it; a word, a note or a song. For as long as you're recording it, it can never be 100% planned. When I say that I already know what the plan is for an album, it’s really just about the concept and everything around that.

Is that the case for whatever is coming after Impera?

I have a very, very clear concept of what I want the next record to be. I know the title. I know what the lyrics will be about and what kind of song titles I want. I know how I want to progress from this live show we have, and you will see in Paris in the next live show what we're going to do in 2024 and the major differences between the two. I have a road map of the land I want to conquer, but I don't know exactly how I will. (laughs)

Can you tell us more about the Papa Emeritus statue we see on Impera’s cover? It seems that it’s perhaps incomplete/unfinished.

The idea for the statue is that it is still being built. If you fold out the full cover, you’ll see the poor, quiet industrial city outside looking up to the big, enormous building that is the church of the state, in which all the gold in the country has been invested in order to make a huge statue of the dictator. All the necessary materials for it have been sucked out of the rest of the country.

The message couldn’t be clearer!

It was important for it not to be finished. If you look closely at the statue, you see how extremely small the people around are compared to the gigantic work. It takes an enormous amount of wealth and manpower in order to finish that statue. And it might never get finished.

Can you tell us more about the guitars in Impera? Have you changed something in the writing and recording process compared to Prequelle?

First of all, I really want to say that the amount of guitars is identical between Prequelle and Impera. I had recorded all the guitars for all the demos and the pre-production for all the songs. But as we were going into the recording process one thing you can do with the modern days of recording equipment is use all the demo tracks. It would have saved an awful lot of time to do it. Using all those guitars that had already been recorded, it’s a dream. They were recorded at various times throughout the writing and the demo process, which was over the course of a year and a half, basically. So, unfortunately, if you listened to the demos, the guitars would sound different from a verse to a chorus depending on the period of time it was recorded. It was weird, and it was almost impossible to use them. We needed to re-record them, and in the six months where I could have done that, I needed to do a lot of other stuff.

I guess it’s time to talk about Fredrik Åkesson’s (Guitar/Opeth) collaboration with you on Impera.

We needed to have someone who can read and track all the guitars in the blink of an eye. Fredrik is phenomenal at not only playing guitars, but also sort of mimicking. He likes playing for hours and hours every day. He's a good friend of mine and we live close to each other. That's another thing… you know, usually, when everything in the world works normally, despite the fact that we both live in Stockholm, Opeth are usually out on tour when I'm home and when I'm on tour, they’re home. So we barely see each other. But during COVID, of course, one of the big benefits was that everybody was around and people needed things to do. It was very much a friendly like: “Hey, do you want to come in and do something funny? Oh, and please have a look at solos while you're at it and make them sound a little bit better”. (laughs)

During the last show of the Prequelle era, Cardinal Copia became Papa Emeritus IV. Had you always planned for him to become the fourth Papa?

As I always said, we needed to see his journey as Cardinal Copia to see if he deserved to become the next Papa. I guess he succeeded!

He seemed a little bit off in the Chapter 10 video that was released, perhaps even a little bit sad. Is he okay?

I really hope so...

Qobuz.com

[shotsbyshae]

Cannonball

Warnings: Language

Words: 3.4k

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader, Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Summary: When things go bad, you always end up at his door, and things are really, really bad.

Song: Cannonball by ZZ Ward

A/N: This is loosely based on a reader request and can be read as a stand-alone or prequel/sequel to Not Afraid Anymore. (Yea, this rabbit hole is Going. All. The. Way.)

I’m down on my knees and I’m screamin’ I’m a fiend, and I’m beggin’ you, please.

2023

Death.

It’s the end of one’s story.

There’s no running from it.

Death always comes ‘round.

Because all stories have to end – don’t they?

Well, who makes that choice?

Who decides when it’s time for the story to be over?

Of everything that’s happened, you know this can’t be the end of their story.

All that they’ve been through – the lives they’ve saved.

Only to make the ultimate sacrifice.

They defeated him, but Thanos still won.

It isn’t right.

You slide the zipper closed on the duffel bag, slinging it across your shoulder as you hear his deep voice from the door, “Where are you going?” You smile a little to yourself, because you never realized how much you’d miss him until he was gone like the others. Fury continues as you turn to face him. “Stark’s service is in an hour.”

“I’m not going,” you reply quietly. “I – I have to go.”

“Go? Go where?” confusion on his face is evident as you begin to walk out of the room.

“When I was first started at S.H.I.E.L.D., you and Coulson gave me The Shadow Project,” you glance up at him earnestly. “I don’t know why you trusted me of all people, but you did. Aside from the Initiative, Shadow’s all I know – it’s my job.”

“What are you saying?” you can hear the concern in his voice.

“Let me do my job, Nick.”  

If you’ve learned anything, it’s that death doesn’t have to be the end.  

2011

The cell phone from the center console of the SUV begins to ring and you answer it quickly, knowing who’s on the other end.

Nick Fury has many secrets, and a little rendezvous like this of yours is just one of them.

Sometimes even S.H.I.E.L.D. encounters that which cannot be explained.

When that happens, you have to make a phone call to him.

“Hi, Garth.”

“Change of plans,” he says. “I can’t make it.”

“That’s not how this works,” you reply, brows furrowed. “You know that.”

“I’ve got it covered,” Garth states. “I’ve got a couple guys in the area. I gave them the location and they’re going to meet you for the information.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose with an audible sigh into the phone, “I don’t like it.”

“You can trust them,” Garth says reassuringly. “They owe me one, you could say I saved their pretty faces.”

You’ve been meeting him for six months now and the idea of Garth saving anyone still baffles you, even though you know what he does for a living.

You’re standing beside the front of the SUV when the black car pulls to a stop in front of you, same model as Garth had described in his phone call earlier. The two men who climb from inside are nothing like what you expect, given your history with Garth.

They share a look of slight surprise between the two of them as you ask, “You must be Garth’s friends.”

“I wouldn’t go that –” the shorter of the two begins but is interrupted by the other one.

“Yea, that’s us. I’m Sam,” says the very tall one. He’s cute, with shaggy dark hair. “This is my brother Dean.” He gives a smile and you can tell right away he’s trouble.

“Alright then,” you nod, getting to the point. You close the distance, holding out a manilla folder, which Dean reaches for – he must like to be in charge. “Here’s everything we have on the group – there’s about twelve of them.”

“Nest,” Dean corrects as he flips through the surveillance photos. You fold your arms across your chest, uncomfortable at his tone and gold-green eyes flick up to yours, small smirk on the edge of his lips. “Not group – vampires are a nest.”

“Yea – okay,” you respond. “Well, have fun storming the nest.”

You’re halfway back to your door when you hear Dean stumbling over his words, “Wait – how do we contact you?”

“Really?” Sam whispers as Dean slaps the folder against his brother’s chest.

“Why?” you question, glancing back at them curiously.

His lips twitch as he thinks of his response, “To let you know the job’s done.”

A knowing smile crosses your face as you open the door to the SUV, “Call Garth – he can get me the message.” The look of defeat on Dean’s face is almost comical. “After all, he’s my contact.”

2012

It’s official – Tony Stark will be the death of you.

After the events of New Mexico with Thor, he’s going above and beyond to showboat. Fury has tasked you with him temporarily – his idea of a joke – you should get to know Stark.

However, keeping Tony Stark in-line is about as easy as herding cats.

You’re at the end of your rope with him, so an information drop is exactly what you need to get away – even if it’s for a little while.

You open the door to the small diner, glancing around for Garth as you walk inside. It’s not unusual for him to suggest grabbing lunch during a drop. You recognize the face sitting in the booth instantly and you can’t help but laugh as you slowly approach the him. A plate with a burger and curly fries sits on the table.

“Hi,” Dean greets, the smile on his face causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

“Unbelievable,” you shake your head. “What do you want?”

“I’m just here for the information – unless,” there’s a glint in his eyes as you slide onto the green vinyl seat across from him. “What do you want, Agent?”

You breathe deep, laying the folder on the table as your eyes dart around at the other patrons in the diner before settling back on him. Reaching across you pluck one of the fries from the plate, “Alcohol – that’s what I want, but that’s probably a bad idea.”

“Probably,” he agrees, but the boyish grin on his face says otherwise.

***

The sound of buzzing awakens you – your phone. Reaching across to the nightstand, your hand searches blindly but finds nothing. There’s a momentary pause in the buzzing sound before it starts up again and you groan in annoyance. You stick your head out from under the covers and look over the side of the bed, seeing the glow of the screen from the floor in front of the nightstand.

Grabbing it quickly, you put it to your ear, whispering as you answer, “Hello.”

“It’s about damn time,” Fury’s voice says loudly through the speaker and you instantly pull the phone away from your ear. It is too early, and he is too loud. “I need you to come in. ASAP.”

“Huh,” you sit up, wincing as you rub the base of your neck. You can feel the headache starting – fucking tequila.

“They found him,” his voice says quickly through the phone. “Frozen – he’s one giant ice cube.”

“Found who?” you glance over as the man beside you stirs, his hair messy and gold-green eyes heavy with sleep.

“Captain America,” he responds.  

You snap fully awake with a jolt, “What?”

“You heard me,” Nick says. “Get here – now.”

You drop the phone on the bed as you jump up, pulling your jeans on quickly, “Shit!”

“Everything okay?” he questions as you straighten your shirt.

“Yea,” you say quickly, tugging on your sneakers. “It’s work – I gotta go.” Glancing at the man still lying in bed as you gather the rest of your things, you give him a small smile. “Thanks for this though – it was great. I’ll –” You hesitate, not used to being on this side of the situation. “See you around.”

You open the motel room door, and he smiles at you one last time, “Of course.” The door closes behind you and he falls back against the pillows with a sigh. “Well, that’s a first.”

2014

“Where’ve you been?” there’s a tone in Steve’s voice, one he’s never had with you before.

Keeping your eyes fixed on the elevator doors in front of you as you push the button, you decide to keep your reply calm – casual, “Out.”

Once the doors open you step inside quickly, grimacing as you see him follow you from the corner of your eye. The weight of his gaze feels like a ton of bricks as the doors close and after a moment you finally jerk around to stare up at him.

“What?”

“Fury said you were on assignment,” his arms are folded across his chest, judgmental blue eyes baring down on you. He’s wearing a white t-shirt under a navy-blue jacket and khakis.

“Yea,” your tone is exasperated. “And?”

“You never wear perfume on assignments,” Steve responds with a knowing look, eyes narrowed slightly.

You shift uncomfortably, unaware he’d noticed, before you roll your eyes, turning away from the man, “Well, it’s my assignment – not yours.”

“I’m getting real tired of Fury’s secrets and side missions,” he says angrily. “I need a team I can trust.”

“Whoa – hey,” you turn back to him in surprise, raising your hands in defense. “Where’s this coming from?” He takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What the hell happened on your mission?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head.

“Steve,” you wait for him to look at you before you continue. “You know you can trust me – right?”

He can see the pain in your eyes as you ask and he nods quickly, “Of course – I’m sorry –  I didn’t mean –” The words fall out of his mouth and he tries to make it right, giving you a smile. “It’s just been a day. Really – I’m sorry.”

He lifts his hand up, pinky finger extended. More of an apology than words between the two of you and you smile as you wrap yours around it, “Okay.”

2015

You trace your index finger lightly along the scar-like marking on the inside of his forearm, saying quietly, “This is new.”

“Yea,” he takes a deep breath and you feel his chest rise against the side of your cheek. “Long story.”

Lifting your head from his chest you eye him suspiciously, “Is that why you called?”

“I lost a friend,” he says quietly, staring blankly at the ceiling. You understand now why he reached out, after all, you ended up calling him after Coulson died.

The words come out hesitantly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t –”

“Hey – no,” reaching for you as he rolls towards you. He pins you to the mattress in a matter of seconds, gold-green eyes inches away from yours, staring at you intensely. “I didn’t come to talk.”

“Well, if you needed –”

“I know,” the words are hot against your lips as he brushes his mouth against yours in the slightest touch. You lift your head, pressing your mouth firmly to his, needing more, but the sound of your phone buzzing from nightstand makes you groan, and his lips smile against yours. “You should probably get that.”

You shake your head, then pepper kisses along his jaw as you whine, “Nooo.”

Dean reaches for you phone, glancing at the screen before he hands it to you with a smirk, “It’s Captain Spangles.”

You sigh before answering, “Hi Steve.”

“You’re coming – right?”

“What?” your voice is strained, mind elsewhere as Dean’s lips travel along your collarbone.

“Tomorrow – the new recruits,” Rogers clarifies. “Have you got any of my messages?”

“Yea.” You haven’t. “I’ll be there.”

2016

After Germany, you’re so angry with all of it.

Mostly at yourself.

For waiting too long.

Everywhere you look reminds you of Rogers.

So, you leave – ending up in the same place you always do when things go bad.

When everything around you is broken.

Because this can’t be broken – it was never whole to begin with.

Dean had recognized the look in your eyes immediately, because he’d been there before.

“Do you want to –” he manages the words even as you try and silence him with your mouth. “Talk about it?”

You plant both hands firmly against his chest before you shove him hard against the wall, knocking the air from his lungs, causing him to grimace, yet smirk at the same time. “No.” It comes out as more of a low growl than an actual word.

“Okay then,” his voice low as he nods his understanding.

2018

“Howard,” Steve says his name quietly, staring at you from across the lab.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat again. “I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know how.” Watching as he places his hands on his hips, you add. “I never told Tony either – Fury did.”

His glare lands on you angrily, “And if he hadn’t – what – we still wouldn’t know?”

“No,” you respond, thinking on it. “I mean – I don’t know Steve.” He shakes his head with disgust. You turn, pressing your palms on the lab table as you lean forward, dropping your head between your shoulders. “I was a lab experiment - created with Howard’s DNA. I never knew my mother or him. When I was five, Coulson found me. He was a new recruit then, and they thought all of Hydra was gone, but we know they’re never really gone.” Turning back to look at Steve, you see the sadness in his eyes as you continue with the story. “He saved me – placed me with a family under Fury’s orders.”

“That’s why you joined S.H.I.E.L.D.,” he comments quietly.

“Yea – I mean, my father,” the term comes out strangely. “Howard founded it and it felt like one way that maybe I could get to know him. Plus, the whole super-secret spy aspect is a real selling point to a kid who loved Kim Possible.”

Steve has a look of confusion at the reference for a moment before he exhales slowly, “So, Germany – that’s why you stayed.” There’s an almost sudden realization that washes over him. “Because Tony’s your brother.”

You bite the inside of your bottom lip as you nod, “Just like you fought to save yours.”

“What the hell?” Steve’s face changes abruptly to one of shock and confusion. It takes a second for you to realize he’s looking at something over your shoulder.

You turn and see the monitor across the room, the news broadcast showing the giant alien ship above the city.

The beginning of the end.

2020

Information drops aren’t what they once were.

After the snap, there’s still the occasional situation that requires outsider expertise and you still pass that along to the Winchesters, but things are different.

The whole world has changed and while you and Steve may be more complicated than ever before – he needs you. Still like a lost puppy after grief group.

He was the captain, they had all followed him that day and less than half of them came home. Steve took that loss harder than anyone else with the exception of Tony.

So, you help in whatever capacity Steve needs. Even if it’s picking a fight over the most trivial of things just so he can yell and let off steam. You take it, because you’re his friend and the two of you have lost too much as it is.

You bring Natasha in on The Shadow Project what with Fury and Coulson both gone, someone else needs to know in case anything happens to you.

“Why not just bring Steve in on this?” Romanoff questions you as the large screen across the room tries to make connection on a video chat.

“Well, well,” Dean’s face appears on the monitor with a smile as he leans back in his chair. “Look who it is.”

Natasha quirks and eyebrow as she glances from the screen over to your face, noting the slight look of embarrassment there, “Oh – okay.”

2023

When he opens the large door to the bunker, there’s no hiding the surprise on his face.

“Hi Dean,” your voice cracks as you speak.

He’s never seen you like this before.

Broken is a sight he knows all too well.

This is different though, and it feels like someone gut punched him, knocking all the breath out.

Defeat.

“I lost them,” you say quietly.

***

Dean leans back in his chair as you finish telling him everything, “Where’s Steve now?”

“Returning the stones,” you respond.

“You don’t think he’s coming back?” his eyes watch you carefully.

“When he wouldn’t let me use the stones to at least try and bring my brother and Natasha back,” you shake your head with a sigh. “I – I said some pretty hurtful things. I doubt he comes back – I wouldn’t.”

Dean takes deep breath, tapping his index finger on the wooden table, “Death is tricky.”

“But it’s not permanent,” you say quickly. “You said so yourself that you and your brother have died before.”

“Yea – but that was different,” he responds.

“You have friends that are angels and you have the spell to get into hell,” your tone is past desperate. “Isn’t there some kind of deal I could make?”

“No,” his response is adamant. “Absolutely not.”

“Dean,” you stand up in frustration. “Please – this isn’t fair.” Walking past his chair you ask. “Where’s Sam?”

“He’s gone to visit a friend,” he says calmly.

“I know you’d do whatever it takes to get him back,” you say as you turn to face the back of Dean’s head. “I’m just trying to do the same.”

“I’m sorry, maybe there’s another way. When Sam gets back –” Dean feels the sharp stab in the side of his neck and his body reacts instinctively as his hand grabs for the source of the pain. “Sonofa.” His hand grips yours tightly and gold-green eyes look up at you in betrayal as you pull the syringe away.

“Forgive me,” you say softly as your other hand cups the side of his face. “I don’t have that kind of time. It’s just a sedative.”

“And if you die,” Dean’s voice is barely audible. “Would your brother want that?”

“He’s got a family – a daughter,” you blink back the surge of emotions threatening to overcome you. “I was forced to grow up without my father. I won’t put my niece through the same fate.”

The sedative finally kicks in as the weight of his body begins to lean against the table. You ease his head down against the wood and gently place a kiss on his temple before you head off down the hall for the storage room. It’s been a few years, but you remember seeing a drawer marked for spells and you know there’s a one in there that will take you straight to hell.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

You just hope once you get there you can negotiate some sort of agreement with whoever is in charge to bring back both Tony and Natasha.

4 Days Later

“How?” the initial shock has worn off and Tony is casting a suspicious glare in your direction.

“I have a few connections,” you reply nonchalantly.

“In what?” the look on his face is incredulous. “Resurrections? You brought me and Natasha back – how?”

“The Shadow Project – ever heard of it?” you fold your arms across your chest.

Tony looks intrigued by this information and he leans against your bar, “No, go on.”

“It’s classified, Fury assigned me to it before the Initiative was started good,” you respond. “That’s my connection.” You move passed him to your refrigerator. “Now, can you just be glad you’re back? Maybe go spend time with your family?”

He turns around as you pull a bottle of water out and close the door back, “You are my family.” You look over at him with a small smile which he returns. “But I know what you meant – I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You watch him leave, hearing the door close behind him and you start down the hall to your room. The loud knocking from your apartment door stops you and with a sigh you turn around.

“Seriously – Tony,” you say loudly as you approach the door. “We can talk more about this later.” Opening the door, your eyes widen in surprise because Tony isn’t standing there.

“No,” Steve glares at you. “We need to talk.”

It’s the angry look on the face of the man standing beside Rogers that worries you the most, because he’s the only one who could know what you did.

Dean’s voice borders on a snarl, “Now.”

[persephonesfill]

choke on me—chapter four

breathe me in (prequel fic)

chapter three

chapter five

a/n: this is a pretty chill chapter, and chapter five is going to be the exact opposite so have fun with this one while you can ;)  also for my bilingual readers, if i have any, please excuse my shitty Italian in this chapter, i'm literally just working off of google translate

rating: pretty gen...this time

warning(s): n/a

—————

Carmen couldn't have picked a better day for a carnival; It's not too hot out for it to be August nonetheless. A slight breeze ruffles Tony's ungelled hair, sending his bangs into his eyes. He smooths the hair back with a huff. So much for keeping it casual today. His brief irritation dissipates when he looks, truly looks, at his surroundings. 

The scent of cotton candy and funnel cake and something smoky, no doubt barbecue, carries on the wind. There are two long lines of booths, rides, and rest places alike stretching for a good yard. The other volunteers are zooming about, dressed in bright red tees like the Avengers, finishing up last-minute preparations. 

"She doesn't half-ass anything, huh?" Clint says. He sounds impressed and…a little excited. Tony can't lie...he's excited too.

"I'll say," Steve says, and there's no hiding the awe in his voice. "I can't believe some of these rides even exist." 

Out the corner of his eye, Tony sees Thor lean down to whisper something in Bruce's ear, blue eyes dancing. Whatever he said makes Bruce laugh, a real one, not the sharp little chuckle that's usually full of self-loathing or sarcasm or both. 

They're off to a good start. Even Natasha looks pleased, or as pleased as she can be, with her arms crossed in front of her. She's taking in their surroundings too, but Tony knows that a part of her isn't doing it for fun. She's looking for enemies, escape routes, any possible threats to her and the others. 

"You can take an agent out of the field," he thinks. He hopes that maybe she'll loosen up by the end of the day, preferably without anyone getting hurt. 

"Where's Solomita?" she asks. "I want to know what we’re doing.”

"I know where she is," Tony says and leads the way, picking out Carmen's chirpy voice, throwing out orders and praise with a megaphone, Jesus Christ. 

"Make sure you're at your booths in ten minutes! The kids are going to be arriving soon!" 

She's crossing things off on her clipboard when Tony and the Avengers following behind him pull up in front of her. 

She hasn't changed a bit since Tony's last seen her. She's still tan, still short, shorter than Tony. Her dark wavy hair is pulled back into what she used to call her "business braid" for when she had "shit that needs to be done." 

Tony clears his throat, and Carmen looks up, her big brown eyes going wide before a grin breaks across her face and—

Carmen pounces on him, full-on throwing her arms around Tony's neck. Tony catches her no problem and—Carmen's mood is so infectious—gives her a little twirl before setting her down.

"Jesus Christ," Clint says under his breath. "She almost took him out." 

"Did not," Carmen says, and Clint has the good sense to look bashful. "This is normal for us. Especially when someone hasn't reached out in two. Years," she says, slapping Tony on the arm twice for emphasis. 

"Ouch," he says, rubbing his arm. "I've been busy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save the world a few times, and suddenly you have no time for your friends," she says, grinning, so Tony knows she's joking. She turns to the Avengers, who've all been standing there awkwardly like they're the new kids in school. 

"All jokes aside, I'm thankful for you guys, all of you," she says. "Who knows where we'd be without the Avengers." She sticks out her hand for them to shake and for a split second, nobody moves. Maybe it was the genuine gratitude in Carmen's voice, or the others were still trying to process Carmen's everything, but the smile on her face starts to waver at their hesitation.

Steve is the first to act, taking Carmen's hand in his own. "Thank you, ma'am," he says. "I know I speak for everyone when I say that we're glad the team exists, and we'll help out any way we can." 

"Thank you," Tony mouths to him, and Steve gives him a slight nod, letting go of Carmen's hand.

Thor steps up next and, in true princely fashion, bows, bringing Carmen's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of her palm. "A pleasure to be here, my lady," Thor says.

Carmen's face is red when Thor straightens back up, releasing her hand. After that, it's like the others shift into gear. Clint apologizes for his comment. Bruce offers her a kind hello until it's just Natasha who steps up until she's right in front of Carmen. Even though they're the same height, Carmen stiffens up, looking at Natasha like she's about to get chastised. 

Natasha simply...sticks out her hand. "It’s nice to meet you,” she begins.

Carmen takes Natasha’s hand slowly like she’s expecting some trick. 

“I’m actually a fan,” Natasha says. “I saw your work this February while undercover. Very nice.” 

"Thank you," Carmen says. If she blushes anymore, Tony’s going to start worrying about her health. "I was actually inspired by your suit. The leather and the bodycon silhouette paired well with Fall and Winter." 

"Oh, really?" Natasha says, raising her brows. Natasha looks her up and down, and Carmen, much to her credit, holds her gaze. "I have ideas for your spring collection if you'd like to hear them." 

And just like that, the Avengers have won Carmen over forever. And Tony didn't even have to make any threats. Maybe today won't be a disaster after all.

"Yes, please," Carmen says, her voice coming out high and reedy. "I mean since you're offering—" 

“Carmen,” Tony interrupts before she starts melting under the full force of Natasha’s undivided attention, “what’s the game plan for today?” 

"Game plan. Right. We're here to work." Carmen clears her throat, a flush still staining her cheeks, and flips through some of the pages on her clipboard. "Okay, Tony, you're easy. You're running the basketball booth." 

Basketball. He can do basketball. 

"Mr. Rogers," Carmen says. Natasha starts humming "Won't You Be My Neighbor" until Steve shoots her an exasperated look. 

"Sorry," Natasha says, not sounding sorry at all. 

"Please, call me Steve," Steve says. "She already has that song set as my ringtone."

"Steve," Carmen says. "I know you're an artist. Think you could do caricatures slash portraits?" 

Steve nods. "Easy enough." 

The rest of the assignments go quickly. Natasha gets the sharpshooting booth, Clint's over Ring Toss, and Thor and Bruce will oversee the sack race. Now that introductions and assignments are over, there's a thrum of excitement to the air. Or anxiety. Tony's not sure yet. 

"Nervous?" Carmen says to him. She's tucked her pen behind her ear. 

"Maybe," he says. "Maybe not. It could just be indigestion."

"Gross," she laughs, wrinkling her nose. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I meant what I said, you know. I'm glad you guys showed up. You know how much A Helping Hand means to me." 

Of course, he does. Carmen's like him...in more ways than one. She had been orphaned at nineteen when her parents' plane had gone down over the Atlantic. 

And at twenty-one, she had also found herself the sole heir to a family fortune and no family to share it with. She got the idea for A Helping Hand after Tony's own parents had died. 

Tony repeats what she had told him all those years ago. "Us orphans gotta stick together."

"Damn right," she says. "Siamo famiglia."

"Siamo famiglia," Tony echoes. 

"Congrats on your new additions, by the way," Carmen says. 

Tony's brows furrow. "What new additions?" he asks.

Carmen tilts her head at him like she used to whenever she thought he had said something stupid. "You're telling me that those five supermodels you call teammates just came here for shits and giggles?" 

"They needed a day off," Tony explains. "I offered. Nothing else to it."

"They came because you asked them, dumbass. They're your friends." 

Tony's not going to argue with her, mostly since the others have stopped talking amongst themselves and are looking right at them. 

"Anyway," he says pointedly, "can you point me in the direction of my booth?" 

*********

For the next three hours, Tony shoves Carmen's words from his mind and throws himself into teaching anyone who steps up to the basketball booth about physics. It wasn't cheating per se; Tony simply calculated the angle the kids would have to throw the ball along with the perfect amount of force. The looks of shock followed by unabashed glee after they made a basket more than made up for any guilt he was feeling.  

His break comes faster than he wants it to, but he has to take one eventually and decides the best way to do that is to take a walk. His fellow volunteer, a young man named Jake, says he'll be able to hold down the fort while Tony's gone. Maybe Tony will check on the others, see how they're faring. 

“It’s a great day to fly,” he thinks. The sky is a soft pale blue that soothes his heart. Cirrus clouds, like pulled apart cotton candy, lazily make their way across the horizon. Maybe after the carnival is over, he’ll take the suit out for a ride and cruise through the skies. 

He wanders without direction, letting his feet carry him wherever they fancy. Seldom does Tony get quiet moments to himself like this. There was always a fire to put out, a project to work on, kittens to rescue from trees, that sort of thing. Not that he ever doubted her, but maybe Pepper was right. Maybe he did work too hard. 

The sound of children squealing pulls him from his thoughts and brings a smile to his face. Carmen had spared no expense, not that he expected any less, as he takes in the Tilt-a-Whirl lifting its arms higher and higher. The riders throw their arms up in the air, their laughter carrying on the wind. For today, they would get to fly too. 

Tony continues on, the shouts and whoops and laughs fading into the background; he's made it to a quieter part of the carnival where they tucked off all of the arts and crafts booths. 

There's the finger painting table where plenty of toddlers and adults alike are flinging paint onto sheets of canvas. One kid rises from the face painting table with Cap's shield emblazoned upon his cheek and a booth over...there's Steve, drawing caricatures for the kids. There's a curve to his lips. Steve's biting back a smile at the little boy trying (and failing) to sit still in his chair as he draws him. Tony's heart jumps at the sight. He's tempted to slide into the line for Steve's booth himself, but something holds him back. It could be the look of contentment on Steve's face or the kid's near infectious excitement—Tony feels like he's intruding on something private. Someone else's life. Someone else's dream. 

His heart pangs in his chest as the little boy jumps as soon as his drawing is finished and throws himself into Steve's arms. Steve startles but recovers quickly, giving the kid a polite hug back. 

For some reason, Tony thinks of the kid he met not even a year ago when everyone thought he was dead: Harley. Tony didn't hug Harley. He didn't have it in him to hug Harley. The kid deserved it, though, for dealing with Tony's shit. Tony liked kids well enough, but having one of his own? He would never admit it out loud, but it scared him. And Steve...Steve deserved more than a coward. 

There's less energy in his steps as he turns around and walks right back to the basketball booth. 

He knows he still has time left on his break, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to care. 

He finishes his shift with little fanfare, the carnival-goers opting for the rides and fair food after loading up on prizes for the day. 

His head's all foggy like he just got up from a nap. He's so out of it, he doesn't even realize that the others are walking up to his booth. Tony blinks slowly, trying to ignore the pressure building in his forehead, a sure sign of a headache. 

"Hey," Steve says when they make it to his booth. "You about ready?"

Tony winces, prompting the others to look him up and down. 

"You okay? What's bothering you?" Clint asks. 

"Just got a headache," Tony says, stepping out from his booth, giving Jake a wave. Jake waves back, trying his best not to look starstruck at the sight of the other Avengers.

"Did you eat at all?" Natasha asks, and as soon as she says something, his stomach growls. 

"Guess not," Bruce says. 

"You must eat," Thor says gently. "A warrior such as yourself must maintain your strength."

He knows they're right, but being confronted by all of them at once has his hackles rising. Carmen's words are getting all tangled up with Pepper's, and he can't. Stop. Thinking. 

"I will," he says, aware that they're watching him more closely now. He hopes that he doesn't look as unsound as he feels. "But why leave just yet? Don't you guys want to check out some of the booths or rides before we leave?" 

Steve starts to object, but Natasha is one second faster. "I did want to beat Clint at Shoot 'em Up," she says with a smirk. 

Steve looks ready to protest, but Clint cuts him off. "Oh, you're on," he says. "Loser has to do the other's paperwork for two weeks." 

"Prepare to drown in files, Barton," Natasha says, catching Tony's eye. 

Tony nods at her. A Thank you. 

She flips her hair over her shoulder. You're welcome. He doesn't know when they learned to read each other so well. 

Clint and Natasha make their way to the sharpshooting booth, Thor and Bruce walking along behind them. 

"You sure you're okay?" Steve asks, scanning Tony from head to toe. Steve can see through him so easily, his skin might as well be made of glass.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tony says. "Come on. Let's catch up before they kill each other."

*********

Natasha and Clint tie in Shoot 'em Up. Since Tony is on a team that consists entirely of children, they extend their competition to every booth in the carnival. Steve warms up as the day goes on, even joining in on their little competition along with Thor. Tony and Bruce are just content to watch. 

Thor ropes Steve into the strongman game, which attracts a crowd, but who would turn down the sight of two handsome, well-built men lifting heavy things and showing off their muscles? Tony certainly couldn't, and given the way Bruce eyes the bulge of Thor's biceps, neither could he. 

Steve rings the bell easily and wins, of all things, a Captain Ameribear for his trouble.  

"Aw," Tony says. "It has wings on its helmet too." 

"Are we just going to ignore the fact that it came with a shield pillow?" Clint asks. 

Steve blushes, but it's all in good fun. Thor, of course, breaks the game, the bell flying clean off the top of the tower. The game runner in awe (and a little bit of fear) gives Thor a prize regardless. Tony promises to compensate the man as soon as possible. Despite all of that, his headache has receded slightly. He needs to eat now, and that barbecue is starting to smell better and better. 

Tony's so caught up in drooling over a rack of ribs or some trashed wings he barely notices the others walking off to the next booth, Steve lingering behind to wait on him. 

"Sorry," Tony says. "Guess I'm out of it. You...you don't have to wait on me, you know." 

Steve shrugs. "No one's forcing me. Spending time with you isn't a chore. This actually works out." 

Tony smiles despite himself. "What are you planning?"

"Nothing," Steve says. "I just wanted you to have this." Steve hands the bear over to Tony, and Tony...Tony melts because Steve is so fucking cute and sweet, and how did the hell did he end up in Tony's life? 

Tony takes the bear, and maybe it's the lack of food in his system, but the urge to cry at Steve's kindness strikes him. The bear is cute with Steve's signature red, white, and blue suit and the shield to go along with it. "Thank you," Tony says. "You sure you want me to hold onto this?" 

Steve looks at him from underneath his lashes. "Tony," he begins, "it's a gift. I want you to have it." 

"Okay," Tony whispers, feeling like the air is closing in on him. It's hard to breathe when Steve looks at him like that, like Tony means something to him. 

"Besides," Steve says, leaning in close to him. "I'm gonna clean the booths out. I'm trying to beat the super spies. Can you keep him safe for me?" 

Steve's breath, cool and minty, washes over his face. Tony has to blink a few times, processing what just happened before he can even think about speaking. 

"Are you guys coming, or are you just going to gaze into each other's eyes?" Clint shouts from the next booth over. 

Tony jumps and hurries to rejoin the others, Steve right behind him, staring into his back.

True to his word, Steve cleans out every booth they touch,  until he's practically drowning in stuffed animals. They attract a crowd as they make their way to the food court. Tony's feet are aching, and his stomach is outright roaring for sustenance. He and Thor get the biggest plate of ribs they've got to offer. The meat's so tender it's falling off the bone and smoked to perfection. The sauce they used is homemade, all tang and smoky sweetness. He eats until his stomach is about ready to burst. 

Thor's singing the cooks' praises and their delicious Midgardian cuisine and rises to go get seconds, Bruce trailing after him.

Clint runs off to the bathroom, and something catches Steve's eye. Tony follows his gaze to the herd of children trying (and failing) to watch them eat without freaking out. Steve rises from the table, taking his prizes with him, leaving just Tony and Natasha behind.

"Sometimes, I can't believe he's real," Natasha says, breaking the silence. There's no need to wonder who's the "he" she's talking about. Tony thinks it himself sometimes. 

It's hard not to when kids start lining up single file for their turn to receive a stuffed animal from Steve. 

"Me neither," Tony says. "Howard...he'd tell me all these stories of Steve and the 'good old days'...Steve single-handedly storming a HYDRA facility. Throwing himself on a grenade to give others the chance to live. I always thought he was embellishing a little. Making war stories more digestible for a kid, you know? But seeing him, knowing him? You can't help but wonder how someone can be so good."

"He's not like you," Natasha says. He doesn't even have it in himself to be offended. She's right. Steve isn't like Tony and will never be like Tony. A little rough around the edges. "He's not like me, either," she admits, catching Tony by surprise. 

"He's the best of us," Tony says. He glances at her. Natasha sits forward, resting her head upon her palm. Her face is smooth, her cheeks still tinged pink from their rowdy tramping through the fairgrounds. She looks...raw. That's the only word to describe her. Raw and real and human. Not the robot switching personalities and names and appearances like most people change clothes. 

"You make him that way," she says, shocking him again. His stomach drops, and whatever peace between them quickly disintegrates. What does she mean by that? What could she possibly know about him and Steve and all the complexities of their relationship? 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Tony says, his voice coming out thin. 

Something in Natasha’s face softens, and she tilts her head at Tony. “I’m not going to pretend I know all of the details, but…you’re good for him. And I think he’s good for you. You’re both...softer. You look happy.” 

It’s like someone’s dumped cold water down Tony’s back; he’s so in shock he can barely register what Natasha is saying. He swallows. Natasha knows. Of course, she knows, and if it weren’t her job to gather intel and pick up on context clues, he’d be a lot more worried that the others knew. But she wasn’t blackmailing him or threatening him to stay away from Steve? She...approved of them? He remembers that debriefing after they had defeated Loki, what felt like a lifetime ago, and her casual dismissal of Tony and his relationship with Steve. He wants to bring it up, to confront her, but what’s there to confront? 

He brings it up anyway. “Still think he wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole?” 

Natasha tilts her head at him again, and he hates how sweaty his palms have gotten, and the hummingbird beating of his heart, like his relationship with Steve hinges on her opinion. 

“No,” she says slowly as if to weigh her words. “He wants you too much. I don’t think he could give you up even if he wanted to.” 

As if summoned, Steve comes bounding back to their table looking boyish and vibrant in the evening sun before Tony can process her words. 

"What I miss?" he says with a breathless grin, holding onto one last stuffed animal. 

"Nothing much," Tony says before Natasha can say anything incriminating. His eyes dart down to the last stuffed animal in Steve's arms. It's an Iron Man bear, of course, all done up in the telltale red and gold of Tony's suit. "What's the deal, no one wanted him?" he says, nodding to the bear. 

Steve looks down at the Iron Bear, and what he says next might actually make Tony melt into a puddle. "Nah. Couldn't bear to give him up."

Tony ignores Natasha's pointed look and hopes that his face isn't as red as he thinks it is. 

“Clint, you’re riding with me on the Ferris wheel,” Natasha declares when everyone makes it back to their table, and Steve has successfully made Tony as red as his suit. 

“A Ferris wheel?” Thor asks, arching his brow. 

“It’s a carnival classic,” Clint says. “It’s a giant wheel that lifts you into the air. Perfect way to end the day.”

“It’s older than Cap,” Natasha throws in helpfully, smirking at Steve when he shoots her an exasperated look. 

“Your Midgardian traditions are so strange,” Thor says. “Interesting, but strange.” 

“I’m not hearing a no,” Clint says. 

“Hm.” Thor turns to look at Bruce, who looked surprisingly (and thankfully) content with himself. “Would you like to ride with me, Doctor Banner?”

Bruce reddens, and Tony doesn't feel so alone because it looks like Bruce has his own beefy blond problem he needs to deal with. "Sure, since you asked," Bruce responds, leaving just...Steve. 

Steve shares a look with Natasha, and Tony gets the sneaking suspicion that they planned this. Who knew that the fall of SHIELD would lead to one of the most dangerous alliances Tony had ever seen? 

"Tony," Steve begins, sounding like he's about to propose, he's so serious. "Want to ride with me?" 

His heartbeat quickens, and he's not sure why. It's not like it's a public declaration of love to ride with someone on a Ferris wheel. 

It'd look weird if he takes too long to answer, so Tony says, "Yeah. Sounds like a plan." 

They toss their trash and pick up their respective prizes they won throughout the day, Natasha with her light-up sword, Clint with his stuffed dog. Thor's lion hat from the strongman game sits proudly atop his head. Tony wants to make a joke about Hercules, but he also doesn't want to deal with the guaranteed headache he'll get when Thor replies with some mind-bending statement like he and Hercules are gym bros or other. Tony and Steve walk side by side, far behind the rest of their little group, bears in one hand, their free hands brushing with each step. 

Part of him knows that if he just reached over...if he took that extra step for Steve's hand...Steve would let him. It'd be so easy…

The line to the Ferris wheel isn't too long, and by the time Tony works up the courage to take Steve's hand, the volunteers are strapping them in. 

One of the volunteers lowers the bar over their heads, making sure that they're secure, and that's it. Tony's trapped. He's stuck on this Ferris wheel for the next ten minutes, and Steve is so goddamn close he can feel how hot his skin is from being out in the sun and—

"I'm not gonna bite, you know," Steve mutters when they start to ascend. He won't meet Tony's eyes. "I...I know you're afraid of me."

Tony swallows, his stomach twisting into knots at the thought of Steve thinking he feared him. 

"I'm not...Steve, I'm not afraid of you," Tony says. Steve's still looking down. He doesn't know where he gets the courage, but he cups Steve's face and makes him look at him. "You hear me? I'm not afraid of you." 

Steve's eyes have always been a weakness of Tony's, and right now, when they're so big and blue and so fucking sad, it doesn't do him any favors. They're almost at the top of the wheel. A stray breeze rustles a lock of Steve's hair, and Tony feels like he's on a cliff's edge. 

"Then why—" Steve begins, only to be cut off by Tony's lips. Tony closes his eyes and answers Steve the only way he knows how.

It's cliche, but Tony swears he can see fireworks going off behind his eyelids. Steve's lips are warm and soft and pliant against his. Tony deepens the kiss and slides one of his hands into Steve's hair, the other remaining on his face. He can taste the remnants of cotton candy on Steve's mouth. 

They break apart because, unfortunately, air is necessary to live. Tony has half a mind to invent a way for humans to survive without air if it meant he could spend the rest of his life kissing Steve. 

This high up, with the sun setting behind them, Tony wishes he had at least brought a jacket. 

Steve lifts his arm, "Here," he says. "Lean into me." Tony does just that and tucks his body into Steve's side, his arm is a reassuring weight around him.

The others are too far back to see Tony and Steve. It's easy up here, easy to forget that Steve's Captain America and Tony's a barely functioning former alcoholic with a slew of mental issues. 

He looks at Steve out the corner of his eye, takes in his features shamelessly and selfishly, the allure of being above everyone reeling him in. He loves Steve's face, the cut of his jaw, and his long, pretty lashes and those eyes. It's painful looking at him. Sometimes it feels like his heart's gonna swell up and pop right out of his chest when he looks at Steve. 

In that moment, he's glad they went to the carnival if only to forget the world for a little while.

[vaguely-concerned]

I am reading the Rogue One visual guide and I’m going to ramble at you about it

Starting with Baze and Chirrut facts because nothing is more important than Baze and Chirrut

- The Guardians of the Whills believe very deeply in the Force but their cosmology doesn’t center any fight between light and dark and they believe mortal minds can ‘encompass the totality of the Force’ with the right training (seemingly even for non-Force sensitives). *thinks of a little green baby who’s going to need some help with his place in the universe one day and how reductive the light/dark side dichotomy can be* good to know good to know. yes everything eventually comes down to baby yoda and his poor stressed out dad. protect them

- “Opposites in balance. Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus share a homeworld and a history, although they strike a compelling contrast. Baze is a hardened pragmatist, while Chirrut’s faith flourishes even in trying times. They both claim to act as the protector of the other.” 

in every way they are #goals. bffs/partners to lovers is Everything. ‘They both claim to act as the protector of the other’ is very funny and very sweet and very true; my favourite thing

- this book describes chirrut as baze’s ‘best friend and moral compass’, which is a funny way of spelling ‘husband of 30 years’ but who am I to criticize 

- baze is just. he’s so good. they say here pragmatism is his biggest trait but you can tell how much love has been at the center of him (and probably continues to be under it all) from the totality of his rage. I don’t think you can be this deeply hurt without loving just as deeply first. (like chirrut says, he used to believe more than anyone and now he’s thrown aside literally everything about the guardians except chirrut) it’s like he’s suffered a moral wound just seeing what’s happened to his home and it won’t heal and it never does, he just loses chirrut too and then at least it’s over. jesus christ it’s so soul crushingly sad in a quiet undramatic way 

- “Though both are Guardians of the Whills, Baze and Chirrut could not be more different in their approach to combat. Traditionalist Chirrut still carries weapons associated with the ancient order, while Baze adopts an implement of modern warfare. Their methods suit them individually, and both are effective extensions of their distinctive personalities. Though Baze may chide Chirrut for his antiques, and Chirrut may decry Baze’s reliance on soulless tools, they trust each other’s defences to such weapons.”

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER’S DEFENCES TO SUCH WEAPONS. YOU HAD TO WORD IT LIKE THAT HUH. YOU HAD TO GO AND MAKE IT CLEAR THEY’RE EACH OTHER’S MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. WHAT. THE FUCK

- it’s implied baze’s hair used to be shorter when he was a Guardian! he’s just let it grow past what’s customary for them (and an excellent choice too his hair is wonderful)

- his repeating blaster is described as ‘modified and highly illegal’ hahaha

it also weighs 30 kg and is meant to be mounted on a tank

baze is the best

- chirrut built his own lightbow! apparently used to be a thing the guardians did to symbolize the end of their training. I wonder if baze used to have one too? even more I wonder if they’ve always been part of the same uh ‘divisions’ or what have you within the guardians, because I think there are some implications that baze has been more of an assassin/focused on violent conflicts even before the empire came and chirrut hasn’t

- this book does not adequately capture chirrut’s trickster/funny side, making me wonder how much of that was an addition by the actor and how much was planned out

- honestly... more baze & chirrut (well baze/chirrut let’s not play here) prequel books WHEN. what does their living room look like (because we do know they live together) how did they meet, when exactly did baze lose his faith and chirrut his sight, what was their first kiss like 

inquiring minds want to know (it’s me I want to know) 

- unless the wording is deliberately misleading here chirrut was not born blind (though he won’t discuss how he ended up this way) and he’s learned his current fighting technique over a prolonged period of time 

- bodhi is a bit of a gambling addict! and specifically one who’s pretty good at it; even after the empire knows he’s a defector he gets past their restrictions because he’s saved up all the credits/favours/even id-vouchers he’s owed by other imperial grunts fsdhfksdjf precious I love him 

- saw gerrera’s medical droid a) has been modified so its programming won’t stop it from being able to dispense drugs at dangerous intervals, b) professes sheer bafflement that saw is still alive and c) is ‘frequently deactivated to prevent it from building an ethical case to discontinue treatment’. I find the whole thing darkly hilarious.  

- there are literally whole subplots going on in the crowd scenes on Jedha about a mad evil surgeon who ‘decraniates’ people (essentially turning them into mindless servile husks with all of their head above the nose cut off, somehow), a masked cop from the Milvayne Authority who’s gone rogue to do the right thing and hunt him down against orders, a death cult, a bunch of different religious sects, a translation droid who has befriended a group of local orphans and shares his credits with them so they can eat and he’s SAVING UP FOR A PROCESSOR UPGRADE SO HE CAN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF SPIRITUALITY ;_____; what the fuck I want a tv-series about this droid IMMEDIATELY 

- this book shows you just how crucial K-2 is as an asset and what a masterstroke cassian’s reprogramming of him is... and it says some very, very sweet things about cassian as a person under all the trauma and spy stuff that he essentially treats him as his best friend instead of a tool. cASSIAN he deserved to survive and have SO much therapy ;_____; ah well at least we’re getting a prequel series about him right? pls be good

- oh cassian was a proper separatist during the clone wars! he probably has some very interesting points of view about the republic pre- and post empire huh (this is what I love about the clone wars era; they have built SUCH a believable and interesting political world here, all shades of grey. there were separatists with very valid points even thought they were lead by a guy named COUNT DOOKU played by CHRISTOPHER LEE, the first sign that you should look inwards and ask yourself... wait are we the bad guys)

- it’s so much more understandable to me now who in the rebel leadership is for following jyn’s plan and who is not. (namely: the ministers of finance and industry are both Not Into challenging the empire directly, kind of understandably)

in depth description of weapons technology... I sleep. deep dives into the political structure of the alliance leadership and their backgrounds and motivations? I have never been happier

(this. sort of should have been in the actual movie tho things would have made more sense)

- BAIL ORGANA Leia’s actual dad out there lookin’ fiiine, being righteous and good, almost making me forget he’s going to die SO SOON oh fuck :( 

- orson krennic is, presumably straight faced, described as ‘a cruel but brilliant man’ which is PATENTLY LUDICROUS because krennic is by literally every indication a fucking idiot, he needs galen to do all the real work for him, he mouths off to DARTH VADER and then tarkin just effortlessly swoops in and fucks him over in the end, easily outmaneuvering him... orson krennic is a fucking loser I don’t care if he’s the one who introduced brutalist architecture to coruscant

lol lol lol *arrow pointing towards krennic’s head* ‘Keen mind dissects architectural puzzles and conspiratorial plots’ okay I see what happened here orson krennic wrote this book 

- oh galen erso is kind of one of the most interesting and heartbreaking characters in all of star wars. (and I do not say this just because of mads mikkelsen’s cheek bones) he’s incredibly intelligent but from a really poor family and wanted to eliminate the difference between rich and poor and invent a new form of infinitely renewable energy... and technically he did achieve that, except his old college buddy orson krennic immediately found a way to use his technology for genocide and he didn’t realize until it was too late :’) there is something so comforting in the fact that in the end galen still got the last laugh in the most epic but unsung way. he’s the sort of quiet Magnificent Bastard who doesn’t even care he’ll never get the credit as long as it worked. u did good on that one jyn

also several of the scientists galen is leading on eadu are in the same category as him -- captured and forced to work for the empire. so that’s great and not at all upsetting 

- galen and lyra’s falling in love story is kind of sweet (though naturally it pales against baze and chirrut’s whole deal but then who could compare) and the sheer effort and detail that’s gone into building the farmstead in the beginning we end up seeing for 5 minutes... dude (it feels very convincingly like somewhere a family would live though) 

- *sees that ‘databook’ is a concept that exists apparently; groans in fic research I thought ‘holodisc’ might do the job but maybe this is a better fit*

- I will say that my largest gripe with this movie is how glaringly unnecessarily male it is. there’s literally no reason for most of the rebels and ESPECIALLY all of the scientists to be male but here we are. 

well the stormtroopers could all canonically be any gender behind the armor so uh that’s. something lol

- despite being all desert-y jedha is apparently quite cool! temperature-wise I mean though the huge ancient statues lying everywhere are pretty awesome too

- wow stormtrooper armor really does just suck huh. it’s like ‘well it might protect you from a blaster bolt if you stand upwind and angle yourself just right, who knows’. I guess this is why everyone and their grandmothers are drooling over mando’s beskar lol

- star wars’ insistence on sticking to single-biome planets is so silly and I love it. stick to that incomprehensible world building decision lucasfilm I respect you

- mon mothma! basically the most important character in the star wars universe who most people won’t know about lol she’s like the anti-palps. for the most part she is one of the most Big Goods in all of star wars (along with bail) but also she’s played by the actress who voices moira in overwatch so I do instinctively distrust her whenever I hear her talk haha. called palpatine a ‘lying executioner’ to his face which is both admirably bold and remarkably restrained, considering all the things palpatine is.

- oof the two people mentioned the most on anakin/vader’s pages are palpatine and obi wan. that’s. hurtful and bad and awful. the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making me watch ‘clone wars’ because watching ‘clone wars’ actually made me care about anakin skywalker :(

-ah shit this is a lot of pages about pasty empire dudes i’ll uh come back to these lol

[allisondraste]

Author Interview

I was tagged by @darlingrutherford​ and @laraslandlockedblues​ (thank you both!) I’ve been really horribly bad at answering my tags this past couple of weeks because of interview travel, so here I am trying to get back on track! I’ve seen so many folks tagged in this, so I’m going to tag those of you who haven’t been tagged yet and would like to play the game!  Please feel free to @ me. 

Name: Allison 

Fandoms: Primarliy Dragon Age, although I have created content for Star Wars KotOR and Inuyasha in the past. 

Where You Post:  It very much depends on the type of writing.  All of my longfic updates are posted on both AO3 and tumblr; however, a lot of shorter works, especially those in response to prompts/asks might only be on tumblr.  I really need to be more consistent with moving things to AO3 as well. 

Most Popular One-Shot: Since AO3 metrics are easier to navigate than tumblr, I will just use those statisics.  Looks like my most popular one shot is Be Still, which is a Solavellan piece centered upon the couple at the Winter Palace.  It’s one of my older remaining pieces on AO3, posted in 2018, but is actually a recreation of an even older work that I decided I wanted to remaster and improve upon.  It was great fun! 

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story:  Temperance!  It is really my only long-long fic, thought I have some other, quite a lot shorter multi-chapter fics.  I’ve been so touched and honored at the reception this story has gotten considering Nate/Cousland is a relatively rare ship.  I’ve got THE BEST readers.  

Favorite Story You Wrote:  Well, aside from Temperance which is my heart fic, I think one of my all time favorite stories I’ve written is Informality which was a really fun little oneshot in which Zevran teaches Alistair to dance.  I adore writing banter and canon character interactions probably more than anything else.  It was a good chance to flex those muscles. 

Story You Were Nervous to Post:  It was definitely Freedom, one of my few forays into more mature and “smutty” literature.   I really wanted to tell the story of my Amell’s first time with Alistair, and explore writing something sensual and feelsy.  It’s not my typical wheelhouse (I’m a fade to black kind of gal), so I was worried it wouldn’t be up to par with the things others wrote or expectations, etc. 

How You Choose Your Titles: I either fret and fuss and look at dictionaries and codexes and thesauruses to find a title, or I just pick a word or groups of words from the actual work itself, or go with a major theme.  Temperance is one of the titles that actually has more depth behind it.  It’s a very obscure allusion to the Cousland family tradition as well as to a general theme in the story. 

Complete:  Everything except Temperance. 

Incomplete: Temperance, lol

Do You Outline? Depends.  For long-fic writing, I spend a great deal of time making a detailed outline, and going over it multiple times to add and rearrange as I see appropriate.  That’s the only way I can stay on track and keep the flow and pacing of the story where I want it to be.  I’ve rarely written an outline for a short fic.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: I have several ideas brewing that I’ve not even begun to put into action.  Specifically, I have an idea for an Amell Origin Prequel as well as a sequel (or two) to Temperance. 

Do You Accept Prompts? I do!  I have several prompts sitting in my inbox right now, some of which have been there for months.  I used to answer a lot more prompts than I do now because I’ve had a lot more to do irl, and a lot less energy, so it’s easier to stick with fic that’s already planned out. 

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: This definitely the Amell prequel!  This probably comes as a shock to no one, but I love exploring my characters (and the DA characters) as they were when they were, and kind of figuring out how to make those personalities shine through.  I also just love to write kids and adolescents a whole bunch, so I hope a prequel fic will allow me to dive into that past of Lucia’s and show how she became the woman she is!

[dgcatanisiri]

So, note that I’m writing this prior to the official release of The Rise of Skywalker, and have not sought out spoilers. I’m just going off of other people having non-spoilerish reactions.

My initial impression, seeing reactions to TRoS starting to roll in, is in effect “here we go again.” Because I’m getting the impression we’re seeing YET. ANOTHER. round of polarization among the fandom, the return of the old discourse and such.

Honestly, considering that it’s only been building all through this trilogy, that’s not surprising, and I really don’t give a damn anymore. If I like it, I like it. If I don’t, I don’t. I basically look at the Disney continuity as “secondary” anyway, sticking to Legends as my “prime” Star Wars universe - I grew up with that one, those original characters were my heroes, the ones who inspired me, and, even while loving Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose, these characters just don’t mean the same to me as Jaina, Anakin, and Jacen Solo, Tahiri Veila, Jag Fel, etc. Not a slam on them, just... It’s different when you grow up with them.

I mean, the basic “issues” of the last two movies basically boil down to (understand that I’m simplifying here) that TFA was too traditional a Star Wars movie and TLJ was too different a Star Wars movie. 

When that’s part one and part two, part three is NEVER going to satisfy both sides. 

I think it ultimately comes down to “what are you watching Star Wars to see?” For me, I look to Star Wars as a space fantasy fairy tale. It’s why I didn’t particularly care for TLJ, finding it to be a war tale of gritty realism, a story about exhaustion, a narrative that actively REJECTS being a fairy tale, even to an extent telling me as the audience that I need to “grow up” and that the real world isn’t like that. It didn’t feel like an escape to me, in the same way as the others had. So if TRoS is going to lean away from that narrative, I’m okay with it.

Ultimately, though, I feel like the big problem here is that this trilogy was NEVER a cohesive whole. Each part of this trilogy was written almost independent of one another (it’s another thing that bothered me about TLJ - Rian Johnson openly admitted that he discarded things about TFA that didn’t “fit” the story he was telling, but that means dropping plot threads that did exist in the previous movie, this was part two of a connected story, you can’t just come in and only tell your idea as part two, especially when you’re immediately following up on part one), and it REALLY shows. There isn’t the narrative cohesion that would make certain that the planted gun in act one goes off by act three - instead, we’ve got forgotten guns, replanted guns, guns spontaneously appearing, guns without any bullets... 

I may have pointed out having an issue with Rian Johnson’s approach in the above paragraph, but I am WELL aware that JJ Abrams has serious issues with actually resolving the plots and mysteries he creates, and, when he tries, the results range from “lackluster” to “it was alright.” Doesn’t leave a lot of room for confidence there. That’s what annoys me about this trilogy overall, that he introduced things in TFA intentionally with the idea that he wouldn’t have to be the one to conclude them. 

I mean, that was the initial plan, JJ Abrams would write Episode Seven, Rian Johnson would write Episode Eight, and Colin Trevorrow would write Episode Nine, and NO ONE was running interference to make these movies were going to have a solid narrative cohesion. 

That’s not actually a good way to write a trilogy.

Like, say what you will about the prequels, George Lucas knew what he was aiming for with that trilogy. That was a unique entity, the saga of Anakin Skywalker’s fall to the dark side. Execution issues abound, but the core narrative is cohesive, it makes sense, we can see where its going and the story it wants to tell. But what story exists for the sequel trilogy? What is its purpose? Why does it exist?

Because I keep coming back to “the sequel trilogy exists so that Disney can make bank off the franchise.” That was the driving focus for this trilogy, not that they wanted to tell some great story or commentary, but that “Star Wars does trilogies, so do a trilogy.” And no one went in expecting to have to actually deal with it.

I mean, the sequels have been made on an even shorter schedule than the prequels were. That’s NUTS when you consider the time and effort that has to take place to make them. And, again, no one went into these to tell a specific story. It’s just been “okay, JJ, you get to do a thing, and then other guys will come in and do another thing, so don’t worry about the pieces you have to work with, you’re one and done anyway. Good luck to the last guy, amiright?” 

No one had a basic idea of what to do with these movies going in, and it shows. If you ever expected Episode IX to be a solid, satisfactory conclusion... Honestly, you were probably hoping for too much to begin with, since it was never written with any kind of conclusion in mind in the first place.

So the sequel trilogy probably just had the deck stacked against it from the beginning, because no one knew what to do or where to go with it from the start. 

And so I’m on the “temper expectations” train, in the sense that my expectation is “going in, enjoying myself for two and a half hours, watch some escapist fantasy, leave satisfied.” 

Y’all can have your discourse. Me, I’m just here for a Star War, and I feel pretty good about that right now.

[sassysnowperson]

Total Words Posted 2018: 269,752!

Total Works: 64 works in 3 fandoms (sorta, it was all Star Wars and then I wrote one crossover fic that was Not Star Wars At All and picked up the other two) with 40 different pairings.

As compared to last years: 253,511 words, 25 works, 3 fandoms, 8 different pairings.

Compare/Contrast between this year and the last: Roughly the same wordcount! SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT pairing and work count! I remain Mostly Stuck in Star Wars Land. 

Major thing I learned this year: My range! This year I wrote fics from 500 words to over 50k, with wildly different genres, focuses, and narrative goals.  In this, I feel like I have to talk about Stone and Sand, my first novel-length fic that is actually one coherent story. Knowing I can do that was...huge, and it’s also the fic I’ve done some of the most worldbuilding on. It’s made me grow as a writer, and I’m tremendously chuffed by it. 

Also! I did my first exchange! Now that I’m more aware of exchange culture it’ll be interesting to see how that impacts things.

How I did on my Goals for Last Year: My goal was to write shorter pieces, and I DID! I wrote 27 works that were just around 500 words! I feel like I got better at distilling a scene.

Goals for the Coming Year: Go back to my ongoing series. I hope to update Bodhi Lives (I have...two stories I can tell before IX comes out and I need to figure out how much I’m going to stick to canon in the future universe). I also hope to work on a MASSIVE modern AU that I’ve been picking at, actually get that out into the universe. I’ve also discovered I really enjoy writing fic as gifts, so probably spacing out the longer series with shorter gift works. We shall see. 

Under the readmore is a round-up of the fics I wrote in 2018, divided by fandom, then series, and if they’re not in a series, by event, and if none of the above apply, by ship or main characters. 

l don’t have a good statistic to sum it up, but the widening and deepening of my fandom friendships has been a continuing joy. Thank you all for being a part of that!

If you’ve been reading my work, talk to me!

What’s been a favorite story? Most unexpected? What was the first thing of mine you read? What are you hoping I’ll write more of in 2019?

Note: Titles are links to the series and works.

Star Wars - New Series

Stone and Sand Verse (Bodhi and Luke’s relationship in a universe where both Bodhi and Jedha live, Bodhi/Luke - 69,410 words) 

Stone and Sand - (Bodhi/Luke) (52,318 words) - Bodhi goes back to Jedha, Luke tags along, a love story between two people and a place.  

Coming Flood - (Bodhi/Luke) (859 words) - Established Relationship fluff, with some political worldbuilding on the side. 

Different Deserts - (Luke & Rey) (15022 words) - Luke goes to Jakku to find a Sith artifact, and he finds a bit more than he expected. 

For Those that Read Stone and Sand - A meta for the series, explaining the setup I worked out for how the canon diverged, and some of Bodhi and Luke’s backstory.

Lyra Lives (An AU take on what would have happened if Lyra Erso had decided to stay with Jyn at the start of Rogue One - In Progress, 48,315 words at the end of 2018) 

Troublesome as Ever - (Jyn & Lyra Erso, Lyra Erso/Galen Erso) (17189 words) - A retelling of Rogue One, with an alive Lyra Erso. 

Traitors and Liars - (Galen Erso & Cassian Andor) (2515 words) - Galen and Cassian have a conversation about the whole ‘That one time I tried to kill you’ thing.

Critical Flaws - (Galen Erso/Lyra Erso/Bodhi Rook) (In progress - 28611 words as of the end of 2018) 

Modern Pilots (Poe/Luke as airline pilots, good friends, casual lovers, and maybe something more? - 22,396 words) 

Eight Hours to O’Hare - (Poe/Luke) (7335 words) - After eight solid hours of sass from his mouthy first officer, Captain Luke Skywalker takes Poe back to the hotel for a very thorough dressing-down. 

Six Hours to La Guardia - (Poe/Luke) (15061 words) - The prequel to the above, showing the first time Poe and Luke spent some time together. You can honestly read these in either order, but this was the order they were written in. 

Star Wars - Continuing Series (Started in Prior Years)

Merrick/Draven (Antoc Merrick, fighter pilot, and Davits Draven, spy, are fighting the same war in very different ways - 8,077 words in total) 

Who Pays the Cost - (Merrick/Daven & Cassian) (500 words) - Merrick, Draven, and the problem of child soldiers. (Seriously, good Lord Star Wars, there are so many child soldiers in your universe!) 

Time Enough for Mourning - (Merrick/Draven) (2191 words) - Sorrow, Joy, and what happens to Draven after Merrick meets his canonical fate during Rogue One. 

And in the Morning, Joy -  (Merrick/Draven) (1988 words) - I made myself sad so I had to go write a fix-it. Merrick, Draven, and what happens to them during ANH when Merrick does NOT meet his canonical fate. 

What We Know - (Merrick/Draven) (2352 words) - The spy and the flyboy consider life after war, and when exactly a war ends. 

Bodhi Lives Short Stories (technically two different series because I have DREAMS of expanding and discussing further, but I’m not there yet) 

Impending Demise - (Bodhi & K-2SO) (832 words) - Bodhi and Kay play chess. 

No Better Plans - (Bodhi & K-2SO) (497 words) - In another universe, Bodhi and Kay become pirates. This one has art because I fell in love with the image of Bodhi with gold and purple hair. 

Choices and Changes (My sprawling Modern AU, featuring cops turned nurses and gangsters turned cops, in 2018 I wrote some short stories to better fill in the universe) 

Impatience - (Bodhi/Cassian) (1742 words) - A lazy, suggestive morning in bed. There is no sex. This is the most overtly sexual thing I have written that does not actually include any sex. 

Friends and Lovers - (Bodhi/Cassian, Background Ahsoka/Padme) (6846 words) - Cassian tells Bodhi a story about what happened during their years apart.

Favorite Cover - (Bodhi/Cassian) (490 words) - Bodhi and Cassian make out in a closet...to maintain their cover, of course. 

Year after Year - (Ahsoka/Padme) (500 words) - I loved them so much I had to write their story too, framed through Christmases together. 

Star Wars: Events

February Ficlet Challenge - write a different pairing for every day in February!  (Note, where appropriate, I grouped the ficlets with their appropriate series, instead of here, though this link will take you to the entire series page)

Additional Note: Each of these ficlets is right about 500 words, so I will not be including a wordcount. 

Nightmare Scenario - (Luke/Bodhi) - No power, no heat, Luke and Bodhi stuck in the black. 

Good and Bright - (Cassian/Jyn) - Some nights, Cassian trusts Jyn to take control.

The Things You Miss - (Obi-Wan/Chirrut/Baze) - Masquerades are an interesting opportunity. 

Knock-Off Jedi - (Cassian/Luke) - They’re about the same height, and Cassian has cause to regret this. 

Strange Customs - (Kes/Shara) - What happens to an accidental marriage trope when the people are already married?

Kiss the Sky - (Antoc Merrick/Luke Skywalker) - Merrick, an innocent bystander, gets pulled into the younger pilot’s initiation rituals. 

Easy Mark - (Bodhi/Jyn) - Bodhi’s still not sure if Jyn likes him or just thinks he’s an easy mark. 

Pebble - (Lyra/Galen) - Superpowered / Fantasy AU, Krennic makes a play for Galen, and very much underestimates Lyra. 

Out of Turn - (Leia/Bodhi) - The Death Star is a horrible thing thing to share, but they share it.

Kitchenette - (Wedge/Mon) - They find their peace with each other. 

Gentle Grace - (Leia/Amilyn) - There’s not much room for softness in Leia’s life anymore. 

Where Did You Get A Ring? - (Wedge/Cassian) - A fake engagement makes for a pretty good cover. 

A Pilot First - (Wedge/Poe) - Wedge is a senator now, and there are precious few people in his life that see him as a pilot first. 

Explain This to Me - (Obi-Wan/Owen/Beru) - There’s a bleeding man on Beru’s couch, and she would really like to know why.  

A Fine Distraction - (Biggs/Bodhi) - After Scarif and the Battle of Yavin, Bodhi and Biggs carry similar scars. 

Newest Muse - (Cassian/Poe/Bodhi) - Artist!AU, Bodhi tries his best to steal C. Andor’s newest muse. 

Stranger while Slouching - (Wedge/Leia) - Wedge isn’t sure what Leia looks like when she’s actually relaxed. 

A Gentle Man - (Bail/Obi-Wan) - Their time together is a fiction, but it’s a fiction they both enjoy tremendously. 

To Better Memories - (Wedge/Bodhi) - They experienced the same Empire, very differently.  

Teeth Aren't Supposed to Ache - (Bodhi/Galen) - Bodhi gets the flu. 

Supposed to be Romantic - (Biggs/Luke) - Luke really doesn’t understand the concept of picnics. 

Mine to Claim - (Cassian/Leia) - Fairytale AU, The Princess is in the tower, but nobody is expecting the spy. 

Tell Me a Secret - (Wedge/Luke) - Wedge, Luke, and secrets shared through the years. 

Star Wars Rare Pairs Exchange - a gift exchange for lesser-written Star Wars Pairings, aka a two-month BLITZ of writing A LOT OF FIC (October and November).

A Body of Unanswered Questions - (Davits Draven/Mon Mothma) (770 words) - Mostly featuring Draven’s existential crisis, also featuring smut.

A Series of Better Decisions - (Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker) (9,211 words) - Revenge of the Sith is less tragedy and more comedy, because Anakin Skywalker is less evil and more of just…a disaster bisexual.

Beyond the Clouds - (Lando Calrissian/Biggs Darklighter/Luke Skywalker) (23277 words) - Luke and Lando are both reeling from the events of ESB, but are slowly building something with each other. The news that Biggs Darklighter, Luke’s childhood love, is alive is amazing news, but it does make their relationship more complicated. 

Bury Your Heart - (Leia Organa/Han Solo/Wedge Antilles) (9051 words) - Leia’s heart is torn between her duty and her love, and agrees to an arranged marriage for the sake of Alderaan’s survivors. To her surprise, her old friend Wedge Antilles is on the list of acceptable candidates.

Decent Organics - (Cassian Andor/K-2SO, Lando Calrissian/L3-37) (2541 words) - Snarky droids, and the organics that love them. L3-37 is trying to get under Cassian’s skin, and Cassian enjoys it tremendously.  

Hang With You for a Minute - (Bodhi Rook/Luke Skywalker) (3883 words) - Bodhi is trying to get away from a clingy ex-boyfriend, and asks a random adorable blond for help.

Heat Heals - (Finn/Luke Skywalker) (2002 words) - Two kind people find a bit of comfort in each other, and also discuss the cultural construction of the idea of attraction. 

Reckless Idiot - (Wedge Antilles/Tycho Celchu) (1530 words) - Semi-Public sex with some Power Dynamics…and also a lot of emotions about pilot lifespans and the worthwhile but difficult reality of love during wartime.

The Survivor - (Cassian Andor/Shara Bey/Kes Dameron) (13,667 words) -  Shara Bey drags Cassian off of Scarif, much to his chagrin. And then she and Kes decide to look after Cassian, as they don’t trust him to look after himself. 

Waystation - (Poe Dameron/Bodhi Rook) (12,763 words) - Pre-TFA, Poe Dameron’s ship gets…a little bit damaged, and he has to pull into a space station. The mechanic there has a familiar name. It’s on the tip of his tongue. Maybe something out of the stories Mama told him - daring heroes up against impossible odds.

Star Wars - Standalone Fics By Pairing

Bodhi/Wedge

Not Too Much - (4625 words) - Wedge is convinced that he is probably not the best person to be in a relationship with. 

 Future on the Other Side - (1084 Words) - After Endor, Bodhi and Wedge find each other. 

Bodhi/Luke

Kissing Strangers - (1662 words) - Modern AU, Luke regrets helping Leia with her art project.

Good Books and Goodbyes - (807 words) - Reading is distracting, much to Bodhi’s amusement. 

Bodhi/Cassian

Force of Nature - (241 words) - Cassian was a force of nature when he kissed.

Bail/Breha/Obi-Wan

Wisdom of the Queen - (1123 words) - Breha decides to spend the day in bed.

Bodhi/Jyn

Alone and Otherwise - (3201 words) - Jyn isn’t sure how to let anyone in, anymore. 

Luke/Wedge

Marriage, and Other Unorthodox Solutions - (29,541 words) - Luke is ready to give up on the college of his dreams, because his aunt and uncle couldn’t afford tuition. Wedge has a different, slightly unorthodox, solution...

Bodhi/Han

Sit Down and Buckle Up - (2538 words) - When Han Solo finds himself hit over the head with a blackjack he's got no choice but to turn the piloting of his precious Falcon over to one Bodhi Rook. Bodhi, it turns out, is a very good pilot. Han, it turns out, is really into that.

Gen/Humor Fics

The Glorious Ascension of Emperor Solo - (2170 words) - Han Solo agrees to use the Falcon as prisoner transport, and everything goes horribly wrong...or right, depending on your point of view.

The Definitive Guide to Galactic Wildlife - (1345 words) - K-2SO, who is Clearly an Expert on Organic Creatures, provides the definitive guide to wildlife in the Galaxy Far Far Away.

Shout out to My ONE AND ONLY Non-Star Wars Fic!

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) / Evey Carnahan (The Mummy)

Set and Osiris - (3313 words) - Evy Carnahan and Diana Prince meet in an abandoned Egyptian temple. It is most unexpected.

OH MY GOODNESS THAT WAS SO MANY LINKS. My hands ache. My eyes are blurry. 

If you actually read this far, know that I appreciate you, so much, and wish you all the best. *blows kisses* 

[nicolewrites]

The Ecruteak Incident

You guys can thank @thecoordinatorsquad for this one.  Sequel/Prequel to ‘enter stage left’

Words: 3,658 FFN | AO3

When May arrives in Ecruteak City, the sun is still high in the sky. It’s a nice change from many of the later arrivals she’s been having since travelling on her own. Without Ash’s drive to reach the next city and the next gym as fast as possible, May has found herself distracted by training, relaxing and wildlife between towns and she often arrives just as night is falling.

It’s just after noon as she sets foot on the cobblestone streets that are a tribute to the older days. She notes, with interest, that many of the buildings are constructed in older, more traditional styles and with more muted colour palettes. The guidebook that she carries on hand tells her that it is out of respect for the Bell Tower that stands just to the north of the city.

Her first impression of the city is quaint: it’s smaller and less bustling than many of the other cities she’s visited in Johto so far, but it is definitely more pedestrian friendly. There are definitely still a fair share of coordinators and contest fans mulling about with the contest being two days away. The cobblestone streets are obviously not meant for cars, and the small market kiosks lining the streets further encourage walking over driving.

To the north, May observes the old Bell Tower rising on the horizon and she makes a mental note to visit it. Following her map towards the Pokémon Centre, she walks past the city’s gym. The building is like the rest of the city, painted in muted colours, but there are cheers from within and May smiles. Sometimes she misses watching Gym Battles. Ash certainly had a flair for making them interesting. Max was leaving in September, so maybe she should make some time to watch a few of his battles.

There are large maple trees on several street corners with their big green leaves open to the sky. It reminds her of Petalburg and the tree that’s on the corner near the gym. This part of the city, May knows, will be exceptionally beautiful in the fall when the leaves change colour and start to fall. She hopes she’ll have the opportunity to return for it, but her carefully planned schedule–Drew’s idea, not hers–says that this contest in Ecruteak is the only one for the season. The city wasn’t much for pageantry–much more about tradition.

She spots the crowd about a block from the PokéCentre and her heart sinks in her chest. It’s a group of, mostly, young teenage girls, some older and some younger than herself. None of the girls in particular are familiar, but the hunches of their backs and the high pitched giggles are all too familiar.

Fangirls.

Of course there are fangirls here. There is a contest in two days and there are some higher-profile coordinators entering. Plus, this is one of the larger cities in the region so the increased population of fans also makes sense. May walks hesitantly towards the Centre, just hoping not to get mauled by excited girls.

To her surprise, they don’t seem to pay her any attention as she approaches. They are much more interested in whoever is inside the Pokémon Centre as displayed by the way they keep glancing in the windows and giggling. Unfortunately, their crowd extends to block the front entrance which means May will have to wade right through them.

She takes a deep breath to steel her nerves and pushes through the first few, excusing herself politely. “Excuse me, just need to pass by,” she murmurs, trying to move unseen.

She gets almost to the door when one fan turns and stares her directly in the face. “Hey!” the girl exclaims, “What right do you have moving us from our view?”

May sighs. “Sorry, I was just trying to get into the Pokémon Centre. I need to register for the contest.”

“Register?” another girl pipes up, sounding scandalized. “You can’t compete! You can’t be given the opportunity to win.”

May frowns. “Well, that’s not how coordinating works. The best coordinator in the contest will win the ribbon.”

The first girl put her hands on her hips and gives May a condescending once-over. “Well that’s obviously not going to be you, so maybe you should just run along.”

May’s anger bubbles up. No one gets to talk to her like that, except maybe Drew, but he’s always teasing when he does. Before she can burst with frustration, one of the other girls stumbles away from the window, squealing dramatically.

The doors to the Pokémon Centre slide open and all the girls fall completely silent, staring in awe at the person who emerges from inside. May just exhales in relief. Out of all the people, he’s probably not a bad one to save her from this situation, even if he’ll never let her live it down again.

Drew looks puzzled by the situation, but he walks out towards May anyways. The girls part like the sea for him and he stands next to his rival, glancing at the girl who had been giving May spite.

“Maple, you made it before dark for once. I guess I can call off that search party,” he jokes. His tone is easygoing and relaxed. He seems to be completely ignoring the fans and is instead focused on May.

Smugness curls in her belly as May smiles at him. “Haha, Drew. I know you didn’t beat me here by much. You were coming from Blackthorn, weren’t you? I was only in Violet City, my journey was much shorter.”

He shrugs. “I still beat you here, and I’m all registered for the contest. You should do the same. We don’t want a repeat of the Len Town Contest do we?”

May frowned. She didn’t need reminding of her first blunder of the season. She had forgotten how busy the first contest of the season was and had arrived too late to register, leaving Drew with only Solidad as an obstacle for the ribbon. He had won and he still wouldn’t let her live it down, even as they planned an appropriate route through the region, determining at which contests they would butt heads.

“I’m getting there,” she says after a brief pause.

He laughs and just gestures back to the door. “Come on then.”

May steps towards Drew, and freedom from the swarm of fangirls, when one pipes up. “But, Mr. Drew! How can you encourage competition?”

Drew frowns at the girls. “I’ve asked you all already to leave me alone, I don’t want to get Officer Jenny involved. May is my rival, and my friend and none of you bear that distinction, so you should all scram before I report you for harassment.”

It takes a minute, but the gravity of his words sinks in and the girls start to leave, but not without glancing back at him as they go. Drew sighs and rubs his temples.

“Let’s get out of here, please,” he says, annoyance still heavy in his voice.

May laughs. “Oh but Drew, you have to tell me more,” she teases. He levels a hard look at her and May laughs again. “I’m only kidding. I find them incredibly annoying as well, don’t worry.”

They walk into the Pokémon Centre as Drew complains about how they’ve been following him around since he arrived in town. May giggles. She has her own set of fans, but none of them are ever as bad as the cult of fangirls that follow her rival around.

May does end up registering for the contest in time, and the morning of, she heads down to the lobby to get breakfast before heading over to the hall. Drew is sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria with an empty plate and a steaming, half-full cup of coffee in front of him. He’s flipping through a newspaper and only looks half-awake.

May’s heart tightens as she watches him. It’s strangely domestic and almost cute. She blushes and shakes off the feeling, heading to gather her own plate of breakfast. After taking a generous helping–she’s hungry, there’s no excuse–she heads back towards where he was sitting. May places her plate down and slides in across from him.

He glances up only briefly to acknowledge her presence. “May,” he greets casually, before returning his attention to the article he’s reading.

She takes a couple bites of her food before curiosity wins out. “What are you reading about?”

He puts the paper down and slides it towards her. She notes the headline: ‘Excitement Continues Around Conclusion of Wallace Cup in Sinnoh’. May smiles. She skims the article briefly. It talks about the contest, the venue, and her and Dawn’s battle in the final. Curiously, she notes the fact that Johto and Hoenn were both bidding for the next Wallace Cup.

“It seems the coordinating world was pretty impressed by your new style out there. Even if you did manage to lose to a rookie,” Drew comments, stealing his newspaper back.

May rolls her eyes. “Dawn was good. And besides, her mom was a Top Coordinator before either of our times so she’s grown up around it. I almost won the Violet City Contest after I got back anyway. My slump is over, we both know that.”

Drew shrugs. “We’ll see today, I guess.”

May sticks her tongue out at her rival, who shares a rare smile at her childish action, and tucks back into her food. The whole situation is friendly and calm even though in a couple of hours they could be going head to head for what would be both of their fourth ribbons. Despite May’s apparent slump, Drew was equal to her in ribbons, though May conceded that he had entered far fewer contests and was spending more time on individual training.

Still, getting a foot up on him would be a welcome change since he always seemed to be one step ahead of her.

As the appeal scores are revealed, May takes one of Drew’s telling characteristics and spins it back on him. She smirks at him. She’s in first, and he’s close behind her, only 0.3 points back, in second place. They’re both comfortably through to the battle round, but May’s ahead this time.

It feels good, especially since May knows that Drew’s appeals and combinations are generally his strongest points, whereas hers lay more in powerful battling, something she had picked up from Ash. Still, Drew was notoriously good at spinning people’s power back on themselves to earn massive points, and he was also incredibly strong.

The bracket is revealed and to May’s surprise, she and Drew are not opposite each other. In fact, if they both win their first battles, they’ll be facing off in the semi-finals. She casts him a surprised glance and he shrugs in return. May laughs. She’s still going to beat him–that’s her plan.

As they take the stage for the battles, cheers spring up around them, but Drew’s cheering section is loud and very female. Drew smirks and flicks his hair. The crowd screams in appreciation and May smothers a snort. At least his fangirls will get to enjoy his showboating for a little while.

The announcers call for them to choose their Pokémon, and May watches as Drew calls out Flygon. The Dragon Type is one of his strongest, and May knows there is no going easy here with him. Still, she has an advantage in this case.

“Glaceon! Take the stage!” She spins elegantly and tosses the capsule containing the Fresh Snow Pokémon outwards.

Drew visibly blanches at the sight of her new team member. Though he’d been encouraging of May when she had gone to Sinnoh, she knows that now he’s realizing that Glaceon places her at a significant type advantage over many of his Pokémon, especially Flygon. May lifts her chin confidently.

The timer starts, and Drew wins first move.

As far as contest battles go, besides her stint in the Wallace Cup, her battle against Drew has been the fiercest she’s fought in Johto. He always has tricky combinations ready to counter, even if she pushes forwards with strength. Still, this time, she had been better. Glaceon has squeaked her through to the finals and May is elated.

There are despondent cries from the crowd: Drew’s devastated fangirls and May glances at her rival again. He returns Flygon and nods to her, conceding defeat respectfully. She was better today, and they both know it.

In the end, May makes a blunder, choosing Beautifly in the finals to match up against a Quilava. With both a speed and type disadvantage, she puts up a fight, but in the end, a Johtoan coordinator named Crystal eventually wins the Ecruteak Ribbon. She’s not overly disappointed.

She can use the battle with Crystal to create new defensive combinations, especially against moves like Aerial Ace and Swift that never miss. Plus, she reminds herself, she beat Drew. That’s always a plus.

May calls back Beautifly and heads backstage. The locker room has cleared out, as expected and May gathers her stuff. It will be a few more minutes before people start leaving as Crystal will still need to be presented with her ribbon. May doesn’t see a reason to stick around. She’s kind of hungry again and is interested in trying out some of the street food she’d seen over the last couple days. A treat sounds nice, for both her and her Pokémon.

She slings her bag up onto her shoulder and exits the room, heading for the main entrance. She only gets a little ways before she notices that Drew is striding towards her with purpose. She blinks at him, but he looks frustrated.

“Drew?” she questions, but he ignores her, basically grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around.

They walk at a brisk speed past the locker room, back towards the stage. Drew doesn’t say anything, but relief breaks into his face as he spots a janitor’s closet off to the side. He yanks open the door and herds May inside without breaking stride. The door shuts behind him and May gives her rival an incredulous look.

“What are you doing?” she demands.

“Shh,” he hushes her urgently.

The closet is dark, but not overly small so they each have personal space. May still has no idea what has gotten into Drew, but she tries to study him in the dim light. He looks frustrated, but she doesn’t think it’s from the contest. This annoyance stems from other causes.

Many of her silent questions are quickly answered as she hears footsteps pound through the hallway. She raises an eyebrow at Drew and he just lets out a long sigh.

“I know he went this way. And if we can’t find him, then we can surely give a piece of our mind to that girl who beat him,” a snarky voice exclaims.

May blinks. It’s the voice of the girl from outside the PokéCentre a couple days ago. Drew had been escaping from his fangirls and he’d managed to save her some hassle too by hiding her as well since it seems they blamed him for his loss in the contest.

“What’s the point?” another girl complains. “He lost. He’s probably not sticking around. There’s no point in us being here if he isn’t.”

A few other girls agree, and to May’s delight and Drew’s relief, the girls relent in their search. To be safe, they give it almost a minute of silence outside the closet before they emerge and scan the hallways, ensuring their safety.

When they know they’re not going to be hassled, May bursts out laughing. “Wow, they’re even worse about your losses than you are.”

Drew runs a hand through his hair. “It’s annoying. Don’t laugh at me, if this was you, you’d be the same.”

May shrugs. “It’s not me though, so I get to laugh. I did beat you today,” she reminds.

Drew rolls his eyes. “You still lost.”

May sticks out her tongue. “I beat you though, so it’s fine.”

Drew starts to walk towards the entrance to the contest hall, pausing briefly to let May catch up to him. They walk side-by-side towards the entrance. They’re almost to open air when Drew hesitates.

“There’s a festival tonight, for several reasons, mostly Johto culture stuff, but I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?” he asks carefully. “There will be lots of food, if you were wondering.”

May smiles brightly. “Sounds like fun! I’ll meet you in the lobby at seven?” she asks.

Drew nods. “Seven.”

“Did we lose them?” May asks, gasping for breath. She tugs at the hemline of her dress and scans the crowd around them.

Drew scowls bitterly. “For now, anyway,” he mutters.

May sighs. Everything had been going great. The festival was brightly lit compared the usual muted nature of Ecruteak City. There were sparklers and fireworks and dancers in the streets. Lanterns were hung from storefronts and homes and music twinkled through the whole town. The usual market stalls were bustling with life and energy and true to recommendation, the food had been incredibly excellent.

They had been in the middle of enjoying a demonstration by the Kimono Girls, something that was surely inspiring combinations for both of them, when the disruption had started. A couple people had begun whispering around them, assessing them as competitors from the contest that had happened earlier.

Both Hoenn Coordinators had tried to ignore it, but it quickly escalated as Drew’s fangirls began to appear. Drew had grabbed May by the hand and pulled her away, down an alley as they ran to try to escape the crowd. They had used the bustle of the festival to hide their escape, but still, it wouldn’t be long until they were found again.

“We really can’t catch a break with these girls, can we?” May grumbles.

Drew laughs and she glances at him. Under the moonlight and the light of the lanterns, his hair and eyes are almost glowing. Plus, she catches the shadows of dimples in his cheeks from his natural smile and May’s stomach twists. He looks gorgeous and she’s paralyzed by her realization.

He’s wearing dressy clothes–just as she is wearing a nice dress–for the occasion and he looks very sharp. She inhales quickly and tears her eyes from her rival. She can’t find him attractive. They are rivals. Sure, they’re mostly friends too, but he’s her rival first. Competition over attraction, she tries to will herself to believe.

“I am both really sorry, and really not, because that was honestly kind of fun,” Drew admits. He smooths out his already perfect hair. “Well, I’d imagine that we have a couple minutes before they figure out where we’ve gone, so let’s keep exploring, shall we?”

He offers her his arm and before she can talk herself out of it, she’s smiling and sliding her elbow into his.

They stroll out onto a main street again and May is quickly distracted by a cute vendor’s stall with several adorable accessories for sale. She drags Drew over and spends a little while chatting with the owner and browsing the wares. She steals a glance back at Drew, and he’s already watching her and she blushes.

“I saw green hair go this way!” someone yells.

Both coordinators flinch. May glances around, but she can’t pinpoint where the fan was, so she looks at Drew desperately. He looks a little pained and May lets out a short huff of air. She grabs a hat from the table of wares in front of them, apologises to the store owner and drags Drew towards another nearby gap between buildings.

She shoves the hat on his head to hide his hair and spins his back to the street so they are facing each other, and are much to close for May’s sanity. She feels heat rush to her cheeks as she makes eye contact with a startled Drew. There are more cries from the street of people that have seen Drew, and May is desperate.

She places a hand on either side of Drew’s face and pulls it down towards her. He’s startled, but he doesn’t resist as she brings him into a chaste kiss. For a brief moment, there is nothing, just their lips awkwardly pressed together as they pray no one recognizes them. But then there is a gentle pressure against her mouth and May almost jumps.

She kissed Drew, but now he’s actually kissing her.

She manages to kick her brain awake enough to kiss him back for a few seconds before he breaks away, breathing deeply. His green eyes are illuminated by the lantern over her head and the hat looks stupid on him, but he’s incredibly beautiful and he’s looking at her with a mix of surprise and pleasure on his face.

May blinks, breaking their staring contest and they both note that the fangirls have moved on and they’re alone. She slowly peels her hands from Drew, feeling heat swarm into her face. He’s a little flushed himself, but May drops her eyes to the ground quickly.

He coughs awkwardly and she lets her eyes drift up warily. He’s smiling, despite his best efforts, and he steps back from her a little. “Let’s just agree to,” he trails off carefully.

May laughs and it comes out rattled and nervous. “Never talk about this again?”

He laughs too. “Sounds good.”

May catches Drew’s eyes drifting to her lips one last time before he steps further away from her. A vibrant firework explodes over Drew’s head and May giggles one last time.

It’s a fitting night, she thinks to herself. But, they’re never going to talk about this ever–EVER–again.

[polizwrites]

WIP  Update -  23 January

Starting this update out with the offer of the  One Sentence –> 5 Sentence prompt – throw me the first sentence and a POV/pairing (MCU/Marvel is what I’m most familiar/comfortable with) in an Ask and I’ll try to turn something around within a day or so & post it here.  

Well, the fic idea I was planning on using for the Avenging Comes in Tiny Packages Contest (hosted by @ifdragonscouldtalk)   has not only been eating my creative brain to the tune of about 2700 words, I determined that, due to the POV character and the backstory I had to write to get him to the spot where he meets up with the de-aged Tony & pals.... that it no longer met the contest requirements.   So, being the stubborn sort, I'm writing a remix/variation on the same basic plotline from Tony's POV (almost 2200 words so far).   I still plan on finishing the first version (I think @voodoofee would call for my head, otherwise),  but the  Tony POV will be for the contest submission.  Thank goodness I have until April to get this done! As I mentioned last week, this fic has one of the most unlikely parental figures of the MCU, there's tie-ins to Agents of SHIELD and as a bonus, it's a partial  CA:CW fix-it... kinda/sorta.  Not the weirdest thing I've written, but it's up there.  This will almost certainly be a Gen-rated fic, since it's kid-focused, and is due for the contest in early April.  

Forging the Shield: (Stucky pre-war  a/b/o prequel for  To Shield from the Storm) Chapter Three goes up tomorrow, and makes some very good progress in getting our boys together, but you'll have to wait til next week for the 'action scenes'. About half of Chapter Seven is written and beta'd - there should be one more bit of Stucky-lovin' before the fic is done.

@tisfan collab - I think we're far enough along (wrapped up first draft of Chapter 3  with about 6.5k total) that I can say what it is - a remix/expansion of  Time Out of Joint. (!!!) We've got a general roadmap of where it's going, and are having a good time working together -  putting in about an hour a week together so far, plus independent writing.

Carry On, Wayward Sons –  No movement so far this week.  Updates will be sporadic, since I still don't know what these two boys are up to.  I’m going to try to  meld this with another  StarkQuill idea that bounced around out of my head and onto paper last month, but it’s lower priority than the above three items.   You might see it before the next WIP on the list, if only because I think it's going to be shorter and require less prep work.

The sequel for To Shield from the Storm (possible title idea- TBD) is still waiting patiently for its turn, as more research is needed here. Despite having the first two scenes sketched out, I'm not sure when this will see the light at the moment... late spring or summer? The fic will be Steve POV and stick as close to canon as I can make it.

The Subtle Briar –  Still nothing new - other projects are demanding my attention.  I think if I dig into my Agent Carter: Season One (and Two) Declassified books, perhaps I’ll get further inspired.  

I also have a  meet cute WinterIron AU one shot I want to work on that may end up with genderfluid!Tony, the upcoming Tony Stark Bingo Challenge  and a half-dozen or so other half-baked ideas. I should prob go look at the  @imaginetonyandbucky prompts at some point as well.    

Any words of encouragement on these projects would be greatly appreciated!

[qirahsoka]

WHY YODA IS ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST BITCH IN STAR WARS

When someone says the words, “Star Wars,” typically, the first things to pop into one’s mind go something along the lines of laser swords, space monks, cool ships, and Yoda. Yes, Yoda, he’s that archetypal oracle on the mount; a tiny but incredibly powerful space wizard. Kind of like Dumbledore or Gandalf, just much shorter and green.

Being one of the most iconic characters of the original trilogy, the alien has gained a mass following over time. His famous pearls of wisdom and goofy yet simultaneously stoic have captured the hearts of middle-aged men all over the world that his fan base has become something akin to a cult. Seriously, just look around. His face is plastered over merchandise and his name irrevocably branded to the Star Wars franchise. He is everywhere.

But why? Why has this little green goblin become such an iconic Star Wars character? Many old OT fanboys would tell you he was the heart and soul of a millennium of light side force instruction for the Jedi, embodying what it truly meant to be a force for good. They’d say he was a wise go-to source for acquiring knowledge, a humble and kind know-it-all who could solve almost every problem in the galaxy with his powerful insight and wisdom.

Ironic, since his so called “wisdom” is the cause of almost every problem in the Star Wars universe.

    PART I: I’M NOT A BAD PERSON, I SWEAR! BUT HERE, LET ME JUST ENCOURAGE SLAVERY

 Let’s take our minds back, all the way back to the Phantom Menace. Ah, yes, the dreaded Episode I of the prequel trilogy. Where we’re introduced to little Ani, the pint-sized version and frankly, just as bold, of Darth Dad. So, Master Qui-Gon, being a complete darling, swoops Anakin under his wing and whisks him away to Coruscant after learning of his intensely powerful force sensitivity. Here Anakin undergoes a test in the Jedi Council room to determine whether or not this supposed “Chosen One” is who he appears to be. So here’s Anakin, a tiny-nine-year old boy, a former slave who was just abruptly taken from his mother and the only life he’s ever known, on a completely new planet surrounded by a circle of strangers.

And Yoda, being the toad he is, has the audacity to tell him he is too full of fear to be a Jedi. Well, thank you for pointing out the obvious, oh mighty Grandmaster. No shit, of course this little boy is going to be fearful. He’s in a completely new world, halfway across the galaxy from his home planet, without the only person he’s ever trusted and loved, his mother, and he’s unsure he’s ever going to see her again. He’s been planted into the middle of a ring of some of the most powerful beings in the galaxy and, to be completely honest, it kind of looks like he’s being offered as some kind of sacrifice to a cult of magic space people. Yet Yoda, who is supposed to be the embodiment of compassion, cannot find it in his heart to let the boy down gently. He is hypocritical, claiming Anakin’s intense inner fear is the reason of his failure, but in actual reality, it is Yoda who is scared of a little boy. So, instead he turns him away and plans to send him back to his mother and resume a life of slavery.

That’s right. The Grandmaster of the Jedi Order sending a kid back to be a slave. Wonderful.

Yoda has had quite the run with slavery. He’s basically the head guy of the Jedi, who are the peacekeepers of the galaxy and deliverers of justice. So why was justice not given to the trillions of slaves in the outer rim? Before the war, the Jedi had more than enough resources to rid planets of slavery, and with the aid of the Republic, the Outer Rim’s slaves could have been freed in a matter of years. But no, Yoda deemed them unimportant to their cause and had no intention to help them. So it’s no surprise that no further actions were taken to free Shmi or the many other slaves in the galaxy, not after Yoda considered sending her child back to chains. Evidently, his sense of justice and compassion has become majorly distorted over the years.

   PART II: THAT TIME SHIT WENT DOWN WITH AHSOKA

 Speaking of justice, let’s jump 12 or so years into the future and take a look at some of the events during the Clone War, as shown through the eyes of The Clone Wars animated TV series. This cartoon introduced us to a multitude of new and incredibly complex characters, such as Captain Rex, Fives, and most importantly, Ahsoka Tano. Her character was introduced as a brash and smart-mouthed girl, one whose snippiness earned her her name and whose recklessness could rival that of her Master’s. Over time, the character who audiences initially despised grew and flourished under Anakin’s tutelage and she developed into one of the most beloved and important Star Wars characters, so much so she has earned her own novel and reappearances and references in other media such as books, comics, and even TV shows.

It was early into the war where we were introduced to the spunky young padawan. It is revealed that Anakin did not choose her to be his student, which has been typical Jedi protocol for thousands of years. Instead, she had been assigned to him, much like Anakin was to Obi-Wan. Yoda, typically, was behind this unorthodox pairing, claiming it would teach Anakin a lesson in attachment, seeing as the little green gremlin is so disapproving of Anakin’s compassion. Yoda explicitly states that the Council hopes that training a Padawan will help Anakin deal with attachments because the Padawan, eventually, must either a) move on or b) die.

So basically, Yoda just sent a 14-year-old girl into a warzone, a child soldier, to be Anakin’s student, so he can watch her die and then get over it. This little girl was literally sent to Anakin so he could, once again, become too attached to her, then he could watch her leave or die or whatever sick plan Yoda had concocted for her, and then get over it, all in the hopes that this would magically cure Anakin of being over attached. Oh, goody! What a completely fool proof plan this is, this will definitely cure Anakin of being a decent, loving human being! Absolutely nothing could go wrong! EXCEPT THAT IS DOES.

 It’s about two years later when Ahsoka is framed for murder and treason against the Jedi and the Republic after the temple is bombed. She goes on the run in an attempt to prove her innocence, since Yoda commands the Jedi to hunt her down. She is brought in before the Jedi and is trialed before them to determine her innocence or guilt. It is quite obvious the Jedi know she is innocent; she has served in the war dutifully for years and has made many friends among the council. But here comes good ol’ Tarkin, telling Yoda and the council that they have to expel her from the order so she can have a military tribunal, free of bias lies, deception). So of course, we expect the Jedi to tell Tarkin to stick his request further up his backside than that stick already in there, because why would they desert one of their own? Yoda would never throw one of his young students to the dogs at the slightest inconvenience, he would never abandon them in their time of need! Well, surprise plot twist! He does.

Knowing perfectly well that she is innocent, he exiles her from the order so the Republic can trial her. Just a side note, the Republic end up almost sentencing her to death, a minor, without sufficient evidence, which Yoda knew would happen. He doesn’t even give her a chance to properly argue their statement or explain why she ran from them, instead chalking her claims down to “her vision being clouded with the Dark Side.” Yeah, okay, that’s fine. Just condemn a teenage girl to death, why don’t you?

So anyways, Anakin ends up proving her innocence for her since Yoda made no move to defend her. Long story short, they end up offering to reinstate her position in the GAR and also offer her Knighthood because bribing people in an attempt to make them forget you wronged them is perfectly okay. Not only does he do this, but he never even apologises to her. No, “sorry, I know I basically condemned you to an execution even though you’ve served this order since you were three years old, I was completely wrong!” Just silence, while beside him, Mace wonderfully offers no condelences either for traumatising this girl and instead excuses their wrongs by saying it was actually her great trial. “Haha! Surprise, this was all just a big joke. You weren’t really gonna be killed, it was just your Knighthood trial! You’ve just been pranked by the prank patrol!”

So, Ahsoka, being the wonderful and smart girl she is, takes no shit from them and turns on her heel and leaves the order, consequently leaving Anakin. He’s pretty shattered, considering the girl he thinks of as a daughter just walked away from him and the only life she’s ever known. Here’s where the plan goes wrong: remember that oh-so-great plan Yoda had, the one where Ahsoka would leave and Anakin would get over it and cure his attachment issues? Yeah, no.

   PART III: THINK I CAN’T CONDEMN THE ENTIRE GALAXY TO A REIGN OF EVIL? HOLD MY BEER!

 Instead, this ordeal only pushes him further to the Dark Side, meaning Yoda’s plan has completely and utterly backfired. Didn’t exactly think that one through, did you, mate? Oh well, there’s still time to fix this, Yoda. Just tell Anakin that it’s okay to love and be attached to people, that it’s okay to be compassionate and caring, just as long as you don’t let attachments control you. This would’ve been some pretty good advice, some words Anakin desperately needed as he spiralled further towards the Dark Side. But no, as if Yoda hasn’t already learnt from his mistakes, he only makes them worse. Instead, when Anakin is almost at breaking point, he tells him, “Rejoice for those around us who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is." Anakin then questions what he must do, to which Yoda replies, "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."

Okay, people. We realise that Yoda just told Anakin to let Padme die, right? Anakin came to him so he could have guidance from the damn Grandmaster of the Order, and Yoda simply tells him oh, yeah, sorry mate, save them? No can do. Just let them die. You’ll get over it, bro. I’m sorry, but, do you literally never learn? You, of all people, know just how attached this man gets, and yet you still think that letting the ones he loves die is a good idea? Okay. Whatever. You do you, boo boo. You just better hope this doesn’t have any dire consequences, such as, I don’t know, the creation of one of the most powerful Sith Lords ever, the death of the Jedi Order and the Empire.

Look, I know Palpatine is basically the mastermind behind everything. He manipulated Anakin from when he was a boy and turned the Republic against the Jedi. But, come on, you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that Yoda was completely innocent. It was his own fault, from his hypocrisy to his ignorance, that the Jedi fell. He and the Jedi were working for the Dark Lord of the Sith for years and had no idea. Completely oblivious. Like, eating lunch with him. Taking orders from him. Sending inter-office funny emails back and forth. Yet, somehow, Yoda still had the gall to accuse both Ahsoka and Anakin for their sense of clarity being clouded. Um, okay, take a look at yourself, sweetie.

He had no regard, at all, for upholding the Jedi values. It was entirely his fault that he allowed his students to fall because he was responsible for caring for them and ensuring they were trained properly. Hell, he couldn’t even keep his own student from falling, and that’s not even adding to the fact that Dooku later became one of the most powerful Sith lords ever. Yoda’s students-going-crazy track record goes to show how much his methods have failed; two out of five students from his lineage fell to the Dark Side and one left the order. Yeah, kinda goes to show how far acting like a too-good-for-anyone-of-a-lower-rank-than-me-which-is-everyone attitude gets you.

So at this point it’s pretty clear; we’ve established that Yoda is dumb as hell. But, with the Jedi fallen and evil taking control of the galaxy, and after two decades of exile, he must have had some time to reflect on what he’s done wrong, right? Wrong.

  PART IV: YOU THINK I FUCKED YOU UP? WAIT ‘TIL I FUCK THE REST OF THE FAMILY UP

 So here we are. It’s 19 BBY and Anakin has gone on a bloody killing spree. Palpatine’s claimed himself as the Emperor and the galaxy’s in turmoil. Meanwhile, Yoda’s waiting on the asteroid of Polis Massa in relative safety waiting patiently on Kenobi’s arrival. And then here comes Obi-Wan carrying a half-choked-to-death Padme Amidala into the operating room because Jesus Christ she’s giving birth. We all know how the story goes. Padme dies, leaving her two children in the hands of Bail, Obi-Wan and Yoda. Yoda, being the complete genius he is, offers to split the children up, which strategically isn’t a bad move. But I can guarantee you, if Padme was still alive and Anakin were there, together they would’ve bashed Yoda’s brains out. Splitting the two most important children in the galaxy up is completely dishonouring Padme’s wishes, and there is no way she would approve of that. Anakin simply would’ve gutted Yoda before he had the chance to finish.

So twenty something years go by, and Luke somehow makes his way to Yoda, who has spent the last two decades in exile. Classic Yoda, taking the coward’s way out. Ahsoka and Kannan, two of the last Jedi who escaped Order 66 decided not to be cowards and put their skills to good use, fighting in the rebellion. They didn’t hide; instead they knew they had military experience and could use their forces to do good in the galaxy and fight the Empire. Even Obi-Wan had a good reason for remaining in exile; he had to look over one of the most powerful force users and make sure he was kept safe. But Yoda, good old Yoda. He had literally no reason for being in exile, and instead of fighting, he cowered.

Anyways, Luke decides he wants a real Jedi to train him! Yay! It’s all fun and games ‘til we realise that Yoda has not learnt a single. Damn. Lesson. I kid you fucking not. This dude literally had 20 years to reflect on what could have possibly gone wrong with his mentoring so, when the opportunity arises again to teach, he wouldn’t fuck it up. But no.

Arguably Yoda’s biggest fuck up with Anakin was that, instead of teaching Anakin that it’s okay to have attachments and to love as long as you don’t let them control your actions, he taught him that attachments were evil and they were a direct link to the Dark Side. Not only is this completely false, but Yoda knew better than to say this to Anakin, of all people. The whole damn Order knew how attached Anakin became to people and honestly, he wasn’t even discrete about it. So why the hell would Yoda be encouraging Anakin to leave his friends behind for the greater good? It was because of this philosophy that had been constantly rammed into Skywalker’s head that he fell. Instead of helping Anakin acknowledge his emotions so he can deal with them in a healthy manner, Yoda tells him to just push them down, or “release them into the Force,” whatever the fuck that means. If Anakin had been taught to embrace his feelings instead of pushing them down to the point of explosion, he wouldn’t have fallen.

So, we’ve established that it was pretty much Yoda and the Jedi’s teachings that caused the galaxy to fall into a period of turmoil, even if it was indirect and unintentional. By this point, two decades on when Luke lands (or rather, crashes) onto Yoda’s doorstep, the piece of shit gargoyle should have figured out what went wrong with this teachings and how to fix it, like any good teacher would. Bitch, you thought.

Instead, Yoda does the exact same shit that got him there in the first place. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, right?

I’ll give it to the little guy; he started out alright, even if his old philosophies make literally zero sense. “Do or do not, there is no try,” what the fuck, you can’t do something without trying to do it, that’s literally how you do something. That’s always pissed me off, but anyways. It’s when the events of Cloud City start rolling in is where the problem arises. Luke comes to Yoda, does a bit of training, etcetera. Yoda tells him to look deep into the force, where Luke then sees a vision of his friends in grave peril in Cloud City. He expresses these concerns to his little green mentor, telling him Leia and Han need him and he must go to save them.

Its at this point where Yoda goes, “Fuck it. Esketit, bitch.”

It’s legitimately like Yoda doesn’t even give a single fuck at this point. I mean, who cares your training fucked up this boy’s dad, let’s just do it all over again! So, much to Luke’s chagrin, Yoda tells him he must complete his training and stay. “You must not go,” he tells him, before lifting his ship and submerging it into the swamp water. Man, what a fucking dick move.

Guess he realised how shitty that was so he later takes the ship back out. Luke decides he’s had enough with this goblin-lookin’ ass and starts departing for Bespin. Once again Yoda, now with ghost Obi’s help, tries in a desperate final move to make Luke stay, telling him he must complete his training and that only a fully-fledged Jedi Knight will have a chance at defeating Vader. Luke says he doesn’t give a fuck, he just wants to save his friends, to which Yoda replies he must sacrifice them if Luke honours what they fight for. Luke’s pretty pissed by this and, in true Skywalker manner, disobeys the two Jedi and leaves anyways, and rightly so. If someone told me I had to let my friends die horrible deaths just so I can stay in some shitty swamp I’d pummel them.

That sounds rather familiar, actually. Yoda telling someone to leave his friends behind for the greater good. Oh, wait! That’s exactly what he said to Anakin before the poor dude fucked up the entire galaxy. But, of course, Yoda doesn’t give a flying fuck about that, now does he?

   PART V: OTHER STUFF THAT PROVES HOW SHITTY HE IS

 So, at this point we’ve pretty much analysed most of the dumb shit Yoda has pulled that we know of in canon, but there’s a heap more. If I were to go into depth with everything, this would become a 10,000 word essay real quick, so let’s just skim over some points:

 ·         Yoda’s a damn big hypocrite. I know I’ve already stated this in one context, but here’s another; Yoda wants complete loyalty to the Jedi and their morals, but isn't loyalty a type of attachment? Yoda gets real upset when people don’t show complete and utter adherence to the Code. So, I’m honestly kind of confused; is he encouraging attachment or not?

 ·         Here’s another context in which he’s a hypocritical bastard; in regards to age, he claimed Anakin was too old to be a Jedi at age nine. But according to this source, Yoda did not become a Jedi until he was an adult. And seeing as his species live for about nine hundred years, I’d say it’s pretty safe to assume he became a Jedi after at least one hundred years of living. So Yoda can shut the fuck up, thanks.

 ·         Yoda is a homophobe. This statement is a pretty well-known fact around fandom, so I don’t really need to go into specifics here besides mentioning that he fucked over Ahsoka and Luke, both known gays, and beat Artoo with a stick, an iconic droid lesbian.

 ·         Yoda was responsible for directly exploiting Obi-Wan’s naivety and lack of experience so he could be used as a mere tool. He knighted Obi-Wan at too young of an age and didn't let him grieve properly, sticking him with a former slave and hoping things would turn out just fine. Anakin had just been taken from his mother, and needed time to get used to being a (relatively, in a sense) free boy and Jedi protocol. Yoda repeatedly forced Obi into situations where he had to ignore his own good judgement and attachment to Anakin just so he could follow the Council’s orders.

   So, in short, I think it’s pretty clear that we’ve noted Yoda is Star Wars’ biggest asshole.

@anti-yoda

[shotsbyshae]

Coming Soon: Cannonball

Warnings: Language, Smut-ish (eventually)

Words: 1.3k

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: When things go bad, you always end up at his door, and things are really, really bad.

Song: Cannonball by ZZ Ward

A/N: This is loosely based on a reader request and can be read as a stand-alone or prequel/sequel to Not Afraid Anymore. (Yea, this rabbit hole is Going. All. The. Way.)

I’m down on my knees and I’m screamin’ I’m a fiend, and I’m beggin’ you, please

2025

Death.

It’s the end of one’s story.

There’s no running from it.

Death always comes ‘round.

Because all stories have to end – don’t they?

Well, who makes that choice?

Who decides when it’s time for the story to be over?

Of everything that’s happened, you know this can’t be the end of their story.

All that they’ve been through – the lives they’ve saved.

Only to make the ultimate sacrifice.

They defeated him, but Thanos still won.

It isn’t right.

You slide the zipper closed on the duffel bag, slinging it across your shoulder as you hear his deep voice from the door, “Where are you going?” You smile a little to yourself, because you never realized how much you’d miss him until he was gone like the others. Fury continues as you turn to face him. “Stark’s service is in an hour.”

“I’m not going,” you reply quietly. “I – I have to go.”

“Go? Go where?” confusion on his face is evident as you begin to walk out of the room.

“When I was first started at S.H.I.E.L.D., you and Coulson gave me The Shadow Project,” you glance up at him earnestly. “I don’t know why you trusted me of all people, but you did. Aside from the Initiative, Shadow’s all I know – it’s my job.”

“What are you saying?” you can hear the concern in his voice.

“Let me do my job, Nick.”  

If you’ve learned anything, it’s that death doesn’t have to be the end.  

2011

The cell phone from the center console of the SUV begins to ring and you answer it quickly, knowing who’s on the other end.

Nick Fury has many secrets, and a little rendezvous like this of yours is just one of them.

Sometimes even S.H.I.E.L.D. encounters that which cannot be explained.

When that happens, you have to make a phone call to him.

“Hi, Garth.”

“Change of plans,” he says. “I can’t make it.”

“That’s not how this works,” you reply, brows furrowed. “You know that.”

“I’ve got it covered,” Garth states. “I’ve got a couple guys in the area. I gave them the location and they’re going to meet you for the information.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose with an audible sigh into the phone, “I don’t like it.”

“You can trust them,” Garth says reassuringly. “They owe me one, you could say I saved their pretty faces.”

You’ve been meeting him for six months now and the idea of Garth saving anyone still baffles you, even though you know what he does for a living.

You’re standing beside the front of the SUV when the black car pulls to a stop in front of you, same model as Garth had described in his phone call earlier. The two men who climb from inside are nothing like what you expect, given your history with Garth.

They share a look of slight surprise between the two of them as you ask, “You must be Garth’s friends.”

“I wouldn’t go that –” the shorter of the two begins but is interrupted by the other one.

“Yea, that’s us. I’m Sam,” says the very tall one. He’s cute, with shaggy dark hair. “This is my brother Dean.” He gives a smile and you can tell right away he’s trouble.

“Alright then,” you nod, getting to the point. You close the distance, holding out a manilla folder, which Dean reaches for – he must like to be in charge. “Here’s everything we have on the group – there’s about twelve of them.”

“Nest,” Dean corrects as he flips through the surveillance photos. You fold your arms across your chest, uncomfortable at his tone and gold-green eyes flick up to yours, small smirk on the edge of his lips. “Not group – vampires are a nest.”

“Yea – okay,” you respond. “Well, have fun storming the nest.”

You’re halfway back to your door when you hear Dean stumbling over his words, “Wait – how do we contact you?”

“Really?” Sam whispers as Dean slaps the folder against his brother’s chest.

“Why?” you question, glancing back at them curiously.

His lips twitch as he thinks of his response, “To let you know the job’s done.”

A knowing smile crosses your face as you open the door to the SUV, “Call Garth – he can get me the message.” The look of defeat on Dean’s face is almost comical. “After all, he’s my contact.”

2012

It’s official – Tony Stark will be the death of you.

After the events of New Mexico with Thor, he’s going above and beyond to showboat. Fury has tasked you with him temporarily – his idea of a joke – you should get to know Stark.

However, keeping Tony Stark in-line is about as easy as herding cats.

You’re at the end of your rope with him, so an information drop is exactly what you need to get away – even if it’s for a little while.

You open the door to the small diner, glancing around for Garth as you walk inside. It’s not unusual for him to suggest grabbing lunch during a drop. You recognize the face sitting in the booth instantly and you can’t help but laugh as you slowly approach the him. A plate with a burger and curly fries sits on the table.

“Hi,” Dean greets, the smile on his face causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

“Unbelievable,” you shake your head. “What do you want?”

“I’m just here for the information – unless,” there’s a glint in his eyes as you slide onto the green vinyl seat across from him. “What do you want, Agent?”

You breathe deep, laying the folder on the table as your eyes dart around at the other patrons in the diner before settling back on him. Reaching across you pluck one of the fries from the plate, “Alcohol – that’s what I want, but that’s probably a bad idea.”

“Probably,” he agrees, but the boyish grin on his face says otherwise.

***

The sound of buzzing awakens you – your phone. Reaching across to the nightstand, your hand searches blindly but finds nothing. There’s a momentary pause in the buzzing sound before it starts up again and you groan in annoyance. You stick your head out from under the covers and look over the side of the bed, seeing the glow of the screen from the floor in front of the nightstand.

Grabbing it quickly, you put it to your ear, whispering as you answer, “Hello.”

“It’s about damn time,” Fury’s voice says loudly through the speaker and you instantly pull the phone away from your ear. It is too early, and he is too loud. “I need you to come in. ASAP.”

“Huh,” you sit up, wincing as you rub the base of your neck. You can feel the headache starting – fucking tequila.

“They found him,” his voice says quickly through the phone. “Frozen – he’s one giant ice cube.”

“Found who?” you glance over as the man beside you stirs, his hair messy and gold-green eyes heavy with sleep.

“Captain America,” he responds.  

You snap fully awake with a jolt, “What?”

“You heard me,” Nick says. “Get here – now.”

You drop the phone on the bed as you jump up, pulling your jeans on quickly, “Shit!”

“Everything okay?” he questions as you straighten your shirt.

“Yea,” you say quickly, tugging on your sneakers. “It’s work – I gotta go.” Glancing at the man still lying in bed as you gather the rest of your things, you give him a small smile. “Thanks for this though – it was great. I’ll –” You hesitate, not used to being on this side of the situation. “See you around.”

You open the motel room door, and he smiles at you one last time, “Of course.” The door closes behind you and he falls back against the pillows with a sigh. “Well, that’s a first.”

[golbatgender]

@thegreatjackal replied to your post

“By anti standards, any ship involving a vampire is necrophilia”

and it's likely pedophilia too

Vampires (and immortal/near-immortal characters) do raise some interesting (and almost entirely hypothetical) questions about establishing consent, but all those issues have to do with relative aging, which humans will never actually have to deal with in the real world unless we make contact with a sentient species with a vastly different lifespan/life stages cycle than ours, or if our own longevity technology advances to the point where some humans (or humanoid AIs with sexual capabilities and/or desires) end up living many times longer than their apparent age, but not others (because, you know, capitalism is like economic MRSA). If we ever do end up in such a situation, which will likely be a fairly sudden development if it does happen), it is probably best if we do already have several different fictional archetypes exploring these situations!

Eternal growth. The “vampire” (I’m just going to use this word as short for “immortal”) keeps developing normally after becoming immortal, and can be considered experientially and developmentally equivalent to a human of the same age, though at some point they stop (or dramatically slow) somatic aging. (In general. Otherwise you get the Struldbrugs.) This works just like any other human/mortal until the vampire outlives humans, or dramatically outlives apparent age. Two possible consent issues: Deception, where it might be considered dishonest (if mitigated by self-preservation, sometimes drastically) not to mention to one’s partner that one is actually several decades or centuries older than one appears; or Experience Gap, where the vampire’s long life (or species nature) essentially makes them into an ascended being that a mortal’s mind/experience can’t really compare to. I personally would say that as long as the mortal is an adult, such a relationship could work if the mortal is fully apprised of what’s going on, although it is higher risk. Adults can legally consent to risk. This is the basis of several entertainment and medical industries. Examples of ships with this type of vampire or immortal: The Doctor/Any human, Zeus/numerous mortal women, Henry/Abigail (Forever, 2014).

Subtype: Ancient child. An eternal-growth type vampire who is either permanently somatically “fixed” as a child, or whose somatic childhood has been dramatically extended while mostly or completely allowing adult faculties to develop (neoteny; might have fictional use in, for example, training a super-translator by extending the best language-learning period). An example of the first would be Claudia from Interview with the Vampire, and an example of the second would be the octospiders from Arthur C. Clarke’s Rama series (most of whom take puberty blockers in perpetuity, but still function as adults in their society). Any relationship with such a character would have to be evaluated based on context: whether the character is considered an adult or late adolescent in their society (as opposed to a child; i.e., whether such neoteny is common), whether their potential partner is from the same or a similarly neotenic culture or not, and, if the first two questions are “no,” whether the potential partner is attracted to them because they think they are a child or because they know the person and became attracted to them based on pre-established friendship or rivalry. (This one does, in fact, have some real-word implications currently, with regards to some trans people--as puberty blockers become more common--and to some kinds of disabilities.) If it’s a “ truly adult mind, child body, attraction is mostly based on interpersonal stuff,” you still might want to tag a fic as underage to be safe, but I’m pretty sure that’s at least almost in the “fine in real life” territory. IDK. I’m 99.99% likely never to be in that situation--I’m old enough that even if I were dating a trans person who’d been on puberty blockers, they’d almost certainly have switched to HRT before I ever met them, since the main use for puberty blockers is to delay onset of puberty until the age of majority when HRT is easier to get (and they don’t stop all growth, just puberty, anyway). It’s a fraught trope--and that’s why we should explore it in literature, because how else are we going to figure it out?

Eternal youth. The “vampire” remains mentally the same age as when they were turned, never maturing psychologically much beyond that (though experience may compensate to a degree). In fact, the “vampire” may even forget memories from before a certain amount of time (such as in the case of Ashildr|”Me,” Doctor Who Series 9), as part of this psychological growth limitation. Consent values in relationships depend on the age at turning; difficulties arise as the mortal partner ages past the immortal one. (For example, if such a vampire was turned at 15, and you were also 15, it wouldn’t be an issue, but then as you grew up, it would be, particularly if the vampire doesn’t legally, as opposed to physically, age. Less serious legally, but almost as much emotionally, if you got together at 30 and apparently-actually-30, and then you aged but your vampire partner stayed 30.) Examples not already given include Edward/Bella (before she’s turned as well), or human/android ships (such as Hari Seldon/Dors Venabili from the Foundation prequels).

Lifespan gap. Exactly what it sounds like, either due to species differences or technology (growth deceleration or acceleration), where either one character’s normal lifespan is much shorter (but with a similar distribution of life stages) than the other, or (often regardless of total lifespan) one character spends a much greater proportion of their life in a specific phase of development than the other. This is a very common sci-fi scenario; it doesn’t actually usually apply to vampires, except where vampires are actually a mortal, humanoid species with a much longer lifespan. Humans are actually pretty likely to be “causing the problem” in many of these scenarios, since we take such a large percentage of our average lifespan to grow up. (And, to complicate things, particularly with aliens who aren’t used to humans, we tend to develop secondary sexual characteristics while we’re still psychologically children. Considering how many problems that causes among humans who know what the fuck is going on, imagine how awkward it’s going to be with aliens who won’t.) Meanwhile, another sentient species might (hypothetically) take only five years to reach maturity and live for several hundred thereafter, or some similar ratio (such as Mass Effect’s Asari), or be born fully physically and psychologically mature (like tribbles, but sentient). Conversely, a sentient species might in equal probability have a lifespan of only a few years, but some of these years would be a fully adult stage (such as replicants, or Mass Effect’s Salarians). Or, particularly in dystopic settings, some members of one species may have vastly longer lifespans than other members of the same species (whether genetically or artificially), which may be proportional (as if, say, being born on February 29th actually did mean you would stay the same age for four years), or be the same in early life and diverge later (such as Homestuck’s Alternian Trolls). Basically, while the differences could have some emotional and logistic issues for long-term relationships, if both parties are capable of consent by their own species’ or sub-species’ metrics, it probably doesn’t deserve a major content warning for that alone. A short-term thing is certainly fine.

As a footnote, cryostasis or similar states aren’t generally considered aging. Possibly there’d be some issues with legal age (indeed, with being considered legally dead, in many such scenarios), but if such technologies were to become common or even extant, legal precedent for time spent is stasis not “counting” beyond what little aging might occur despite the tech would be established pretty quickly--if only so that no one could hop in a cryopod in a non-extradition country or secret location (because in the US, statutes of limitations get put “on hold” for any time outside the country, but if they can’t find the cryopod...) until a statute of limitations ran out.

This was not the thousand-plus words I meant to write tonight, I’ll tell you that. (I’d planned to work on a commission. I’ll still get to it.) But these are situations that come up a lot in fantasy and science fiction scenarios, and might come up someday in the real world if we ever encounter sentient aliens (or build fully sentient AI). And yes, it’s a controversial topic. That’s why we should explore the moral issues of sex with vampires and aliens with non-human aging stuff in fiction, so we have some idea of what to go on if it ever becomes an issue in real life. And that includes the “bad” stuff, and the “possibly-bad” stuff, because fiction is a simulation of a non-real event, where you can test what happens without anybody actually getting hurt. Which is at the very least a lot better than (should it ever be possible) testing it on real people (and real aliens/AIs) in real life!

(And as for the original hypothetical question the reply was in response to, attraction to vampires is not necrophilia. Particularly not modern vampires--Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer have pretty much seen to that. But even if you prefer your vampires to be corpselike? Well, the reasons real necrophilia is bad is because corpses/their original owners can’t consent, and secondarily because it’s unhygienic (the main basis of general corpse taboos)--though like, I’m not going to aggressively stop someone from sticking raw ground beef up their everything, which is comparably unhygienic, so long as they’re aware of why it’s a bad idea and I don’t have to pay for or deal with the aftermath. So, in the hypothetical where vampires are real and can consent, go for it, just...research the risks first. Or have your characters do the same.)

[polizwrites]

WIP  Update -  30  January

Starting this update out with the standard offer of the  One Sentence –> 5 Sentence prompt – throw me the first sentence and a POV/pairing (MCU/Marvel is what I’m most familiar/comfortable with) in an Ask and I’ll try to turn something around within a day or so & post it here.  

I also am participating in a Key Challenge over on the WinterIron Discord channel - we submit key words/phrases that get randomly assigned to another participant - we have a week (or 2 weeks) to write something (min 200 words) and then share via a Google doc.   I got my keyword yesterday and already have a good chunk written!  Once I share it over there, I'll post it here and prob on Ao3 as well.

The Avenging Comes in Tiny Packages Contest (hosted by @ifdragonscouldtalk)  is in progress - and I'm paired up with the awesome @bill-longbow!  The de-aged Tony POV version of the fic I'd plan to submit is now up to over 3600 words.  That said, it's about to the point where it will have to sit until I have a chance to see Black Panther, as I want to get to know these characters & setting better before I continue with the rest of the story that will be set in Wakanda and involve T’Challa, Shuri and who knows who else. In the meanwhile, I can bring the other character POV up to the same point; it's sitting at about 3200 words, but it starts earlier in the overall timeline than the Tony POV does, so it will end up being a longer fic.  

As I mentioned previously, this story has one of the most unlikely parental figures of the MCU, there's tie-ins to the greater MCU (more visible in one fic than the other) and as a bonus, it's a partial  CA:CW fix-it... kinda/sorta. :^)   Not the weirdest thing I've written, but it's up there.  This will almost certainly be a Gen-rated fic, since it's kid-focused, and is due for the contest in early April.  

Forging the Shield: (Stucky pre-war  a/b/o prequel for To Shield from the Storm ) Chapter Four goes up tomorrow, and the rating of the fic will be bumped to Explicit, due to our boys finally getting together.  (smirk)  About 3/4 of Chapter Seven is written (2k words) with about 2/3 of that beta'd (thanks to the talented @hddnone) I may need to tack on a short Chapter 8 (or epilogue) to get the last bit of Stucky-lovin' in  :^/

@tisfan collab aka a remix/expansion of   Time Out of Joint.  Collab session for Chapter 4 planned for tonight; we've got a general roadmap of where it's going, and are having a good time working together -  putting in about an hour a week together so far, plus independent writing.

Carry On, Wayward Sons –  No movement so far this week either.  Updates will be sporadic, since I still don't know exactly what these two boys are up to.  It’s lower priority than the above three items.   You might see it before the next WIP on the list, if only because I think it's going to be shorter and require less prep work.

The sequel for To Shield from the Storm  (possible title - The Shield Split Asunder) has been waiting patiently for its turn, as more research is needed here as well. Despite having the first two scenes sketched out, I'm not sure when this will first see the light at the moment... late spring or summer? The fic will be Stony-focused (mostly) and Steve POV, sticking as close to canon as I can make it.

The Subtle Briar –  Still nothing new - other projects are demanding my attention. I need a Peggy fan to come kick my butt/cheer me on or I'm afraid this is going to slide into oblivion, and it doesn't deserve it.  

I also have a  meet cute WinterIron AU one shot I want to work on that may end up with genderfluid!Tony, and a half-dozen or so other half-baked ideas. I should prob go look at the  @imaginetonyandbucky prompts at some point as well.    

Any words of encouragement on these projects would be greatly appreciated!