#the reason there are so many irl abusers in the church is because it is an institution where questioning authority is an absolute no-no

[aj-lenoire]

david didn’t become a preacher after the world ended because he found god. no one needed teachers anymore, no one was sending their kids off to school to learn math. the only way he could keep power and authority—and specifically power and authority over children—was by turning himself into a holy man.

[craycraybluejay]

You know how a pretty obvious majority of kinksters are submissives? You want to know a big part of the reason why it's hard to find a dom that's into the same hard kink you are?

Ask a hardcore masochist what they think of being whipped.

Then ask a hard sadist what they think of whipping someone.

Do you notice that the sadist/dom will often either dance around an answer or try to use soothing language/euphemism not unlike the way how in many places people are still expected to discuss sex if at all. Gentle, calculated language.

The issue is, especially with a new surge of purity culture overtaking so-called "leftist" online circles, is that fantasy becomes a moral judgement.

Sub with a noncon kink: "I want to be raped" (cnc but like. People can talk ab it how they want don't cancel me fr.)

Response from Normies: "well that's weird and kinda dark but ok"

Dom with a noncon kink: "I want to rape"

Response from Normies: "I'm calling the police and you should kys and you're also a sexual abuser and even though you haven't said anything about kids you're also also a pedophile :)"

Not only does the attitude of murderous hatred against doms/tops with hard kinks/fetishes/paraphilias make it difficult for them to practice those kinks (safely and ethically) out of fear of social backlash if it's ever found out even if both they and their partner[s] had a great time and are fine-- but, it actively puts innocent people in danger by equating thoughts and attractions of ANY KIND to the act of hurting others against their will. It equates fantasy, which can oftentimes be played out safely if in a modified way with real harmful actions.

Also, kink is still illegal in many places, so don't "its illegal" me about harder kinks. Law is not morality, none of us are free until all of us are free, etc. You get the gist.

You want to see more doms? Meet someone who can indulge your "scary badwrong" sexy feelings? Then maybe don't actively promote a culture where you put ANY kind of attraction or kink under fire. It doesn't matter if it'd be unethical to act out in real life. Some of the most common kinks worldwide are unethical as fuck to act out irl, including rape. That's why we have cnc, come on, guys.

You know what? In fact, you SHOULD actively shun people who shame others for their sexual feelings. EVEN if you think it's gross. EVEN if it wouldn't be ethical to act on irl. Let these types know that their puritan ideals are NOT accepted here. Let them know that if they want to go to church they can do that but not in your space, not forcing other (non consenting!) people to listen to their hateful and repressive ideology.

Like, hey, I'm not into ABDL, for example. But I will defend to the death other people's right to be into that. To think and feel whatever they think and feel. You think diapers are sexy? Great! I don't personally see the appeal, but you do you boo. There is no Correct Way to be sex/kink negative. Either you believe in thought crime or you don't.

And yes, this post includes "harmful" paraphilias (I put it in quotes because they're only harmful if acted on), sadomasochism, mutilation fetishism, etc etc. Every "gross" or "evil" kink, fetish, para you can possibly imagine. The stuff that makes you horny is just stuff that makes you horny, and being horny is normal. Being "weird horny" is also normal. No one deserves to experience shame, let alone public harassment or hate over feelings they most of the time don't Choose to have. Be mindful of puritan rhetoric and strike it down when you see it.

[pingnova]

Thanks for being honest about how hostile most Christians are to even the most basic show of support for queer people. Christians love to claim the Bible is only full of nice things and any of the overwhelming evil that's come out of it over the millennia is just random bad faith outliers who weren't true christians. The reason those folks probably think their religion supports their bigotry is because the official church organizations materially do support their bigotry and have for centuries, even if it's not supported by the words in the book

Christianity is synonymous with colonization, it has been the single largest concentrated force for homophobia cisheteronormativity misogyny forced pregnancy and child abuse for the entire lives of everyone alive today, at the very least. Personally i don't think it's worth trying to reclaim an ideology that's filled with bigots and officially stands for bigotry. I don't think there's anything worthwhile in there that you couldn't find somewhere else where it isn't packaged along with bigotry. If someone publicly affiliates with Christianity, they're broadcasting to strangers there is a high likelihood they don't recognize the personhood of over half of the people on this planet and believe they will be cosmically punished for their divergence. I'm going to assume they're a bigot until they prove they're not, and after that point, I'll wonder why they lend their name to an organization that stands for bigotry if they don't believe in it.

I don't think this is an unfair assumption. I saw how American Christians acted toward queers during AIDS, I'm not just gonna forget. They were very vocal. That's what Christianity means to millions of people around the world

Yes I agree if someone tells me they're Christian I'm instantly on guard for these reasons. I do personally find redeeming value in it but I'm fully aware of the terrible things people have done in its name. Forced conversions, boarding schools, anti-abortion campaigning, advocating for more queers to die during AIDS. Too many to list here. As a queer Christian myself I can't really afford to be romantic about it. I believe Christianity could do so much good, and yet the majority of those who claim it choose not to. So I tend to not talk about my personal conviction IRL too much, and if I do I make it clear as quickly as I can that doesn't eclipse my queerness or progressive convictions, but actually goes along with it.

A lot of unpleasant and conservative brands of Christianity get a pass on account of "religious freedom" and I feel like I'm in a particularly good place to openly criticize them. I also practice this religion and don't feel the need to oppress people over it. In fact we have a lot of the opposite convictions. So I don't think enacting laws to hurt people because you believe something or its "in the bible" is right, because that's not part of MY version of your religion and i didnt see that in MY bible. Sus. I can only do so much tho, being queer I'm marginalized and then being ELCA I'm kind of marginalized in the wider Christian world, like my post outlined. There are Christian bodies out there doing good but sadly they are the minority. They shouldn't be the minority, especially bc none of that conservative crap is "in the bible", but that's the reality. And even those groups likely did terrible things in the past and now have to grapple with how to right that.

To me, bigotry is not a religion. That's my motto. People and groups can practice whatever religion they want, but they should be held accountable for their bigotry no matter what. And I give them an unimpressed stare if they try to tell me it's what their religion says.

[shhhhhiminsidesaitamascloset]

Personal Vent

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I didnt think a long time friend would block me on tumblr or at all. I admit, i was a bit upset and just thought their cold response online was because they were busy playing video games atm.

i went to go share my new fic w/ them and found out they blocked me. So it was what i thought. They genuinely didnt care or was annoyed i guess. Im not gonna ask somebody to speak to them or wonder why they blocked me. Or think that this aquaintance was built on something nefarious.

But im just going to take it in stride and not worry too much about it. Im just glad they werent my only friend and that i didnt heavily depend on them. People acting funny nowadays anyway and life is too short. People are just willing to snuff the light out of people with good intentions, and some are jealous. Some fail to see the good in people that are different. Or theyre just fickle for any reason.

If i'm your friend, we may disagree on things or run in different circles, but im not going to be petty and block you. im petty with strangers i dont agree with or dont know. But no matter how much we disagree i'm not gonna be petty with you if i think youre a cool person. Though maybe this is a teaching moment.

Maybe this is telling me to be more kind and not block people??? But unless we were friends beforehand i wont block you. Im still not going to care too much because the world is too envious and fickle nowadays. If i only got like two online friends then ok. If they betray me then i know that i wasnt meant to befriend others in this life or world. And i guess thats ok.

I was told long ago that i had to accept that not everyone would like me. I was told in church that the world will reject me. So its a soul crushing admission to someone who always wanted friends and a best friend. But im ok if God and Jesus are my besties at this point. If thats how it is, then thats how it is.

But if anybody is nosy and read it up to now, cherish the people in your life online or irl. You never know how important that friendship is to them and how much theyre willing to put up with to be your friend. If theyre a ride or die like me that is forgiving as i am and looks past the negatives. Do not take that person for granted.

Stop taking friendships for granted in general. Because for years i thought i had to change for people. When it was never me who was the problem. A lot of people in my life didnt care and were too fickle. they were jealous. They refused to see me for who i was! And im tired of trying to prove myself to people who are selfish and only care about themselves.

crying! getting rsd because they refuse to text me back! putting up with what felt like abuse and neglect. Im freeing myself for forgiving those who have treated me less than. forgiving people who were jealous or didnt like how i shined my light. i never tried to commit unalive because of how people treated me and im still here watching this world go to crap because too many people pull the "woe is me" crap and only care about themselves.

too many people blame God but dont realize they perpetuate their own demise. they see anything with a semblance of good and assume its bad. Forgetting that i was even a proshipper at one point in my life. i was pro lgbtq+. i was all that s*** even a feminist! Yet when i switch teams and go my own path im bad for it!

If yall think im some horrible person for standing by what i believe even though ive always been first and foremost a lover! not a hater! Then some of you need to reevaluate yourselves and look in the mirror. I know im not perfect! I never was and neither were yall! At least im aware to admit that with my whole chest!

But like i said imma stop blaming people for my issues. Imma stop getting sad when i get rejected. Imma stop worrying why nobody will text me back. if yall fickle like that then maybe its a good thing you left. Maybe this was for both of us to move on. Ive lost alot over the years. i struggle. But im refusing to let anyone take my shine away from me. no more.

you never know loss or rejection until it happens to you. and too many of yall go around like your loner status is bulls*** and that you have more people in your life than you like to admit. or act as if you dont need people to talk to. Either youre very priveledged or miserable pretending to be ok. Especially (lemme just say it) if you dont have God or Jesus in your life.

You try to go for inclusion then ostracize people you have your own bias or prejudices against. Liars and hypocrites! Then i cant speak my mind because its wrong to believe something "my oppressors" believed. Its not the religion its the people! Its not the race its the people! When you take away politics, race, sexual orientation, disability, gender, etc. Its the person. Its the people who hate. The individual person. And hate isnt exclusive to people who oppress you. You and your community can hate too. You just dress it up as ✨️prejudice✨️ you cant fight fire w fire. You can put evil against evil!

Yet here i am. I'm willing to put all that aside. Im willing to get slapped, neglected, spat on, and abused to learn the true meaning of forgiveness and what it means to forgive. what it means to turn the other cheek and rise above hate and evil. Like after all after we die none of this trivial mess will matter at all. And if yall are sick of injustices, sick of how people treat each other, sick of the evil bulls***. Then why not rise above it and do better?

Also self reflection is a good thing. When you start wanting to live life with better principles and a better heart its always a good thing! and the best thing to learn from all this is that you'll never know if your friends are on opposing sides until you bring up stuff like politics and religion. Stop making that your identity and talk about your favorite shows and anime. gravitate to likeminded people. And learn to agree to disagree or walk away.

But with me im just built different. I'll befriend anyone until they talk about hate for something or blaspheming God. Even then im patient because im aware not everyone thinks like me. And im constantly misunderstood. Even though i could go for others who think like me, im willing to befriend people that dont agree with me and show them the most love. Some i wouldnt like to interact with but i'll still love from a distance.

Love is suppose to conquer all right? thats what its all about? So i'll do that. i'll love. i'll forgive even people who wrong me. I'll never stop trying to be the best version of me. this planet can suck an egg if it thinks im going to crumble and become bitter. im going to be that annoying positive person from now on. Because insurance companies dont care about getting me therapy and i still know a bit about cognitive behavioral therapy to know that with christianity it can work. By God it will.

Yall are not going to make me bitter and sad like yall. im sorry. I actually wanna live and go somewhere where im not suffering. And im not a masochist. I got too much to live for. Your feelings about me dont dictate me or my life.

i love you, i hope things work out for you, i wish the best for you. And take care of yourself! I hope someday you'll come to the realization i came to and treat people even the ones you hate. With love, compassion, and understanding. And i hope you'll find happiness and freedom from being the way you are now.

[cinnamonest]

with all this recent stuff that’s just happened, this guilty feeling of mine has come out, and I just gotta ask...

is it bad to read noncon and stuff? gosh, with any other friend, I’d talk about how this kind of writing is weird, even just the fluff kind of stories, but they don’t know im reading noncon like every day and all this shit. i feel kind of guilty but i just love reading this kind of stuff and i... ajdjdkgkgg

when I found your account like two weeks ago it was genuinely the best thing that could’ve happened (though i ended up locking my liked posts and blogs im following from view HAHA)

and idk but I love your blog so much HELP

Not at all!! Literally, I have discussed this with my psychiatrist, who actively encourages it and taught me a lot about how beneficial it can be.

That's the thing about antis, any mental health professional will tell you this sort of thing is fine. People like it for a wide variety of reasons and all of them are totally valid.

The only times an adult person should not be exposed to this content/avoid consuming it is if they have any mental health issues that might inhibit their ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality, or very recently traumatized individuals, who may retraumatize themselves and be prone to erratic behaviors.

On the latter, it is actually surprisingly common for recent rape victims to seek out dangerous situations with the subconscious intent of being assaulted a second time - this is especially likely in women who are raised in misogynistic environments, because they often feel their trauma is not "valid" enough and subconsciously seek out the situation a second time to feel validated in victimhood, often seeking one even more dangerous than the initial one. Thus, these people should seek professional help and be assured they are in a healthy state before consuming content like this.

However, adults who do not fall under these categories are fine. Fiction can actually help prevent you from subconsciously seeking out abusers in real life. Many people with csa or other sexual assault trauma often feel drawn to abusers because it provides familiarity, or because they do not feel comfortable with people who do not abuse them. Fiction can sort of scratch that itch for those behaviors, and when that hunger is satiated, we are better able to recognize and evaluate the behaviors of real life people and avoid abusers.

Time to overshare, me personally it's partially a religious trauma thing. I live in a very conservative area and went to church and church school every day for 18 years, we were heavily indoctrinated with misogynistic ideology and taught to behave a certain way, which is why I now fetishize it so heavily - it feels "right" to be looked down on as inferior for my sex. It's probably one of the most problematic fetishes I discuss/write here, so I feel I can take this opportunity to explain how it helps. I used to have a lot of internalized misogyny and behaviors/views that reflected that. I've found that fetishizing it actually helps reduce that a lot - the more I fetishized it, the more ridiculous it feels to think some men actually feel that way irl, and feel much less self loathing over being female, which is an actual problem I used to have.

Tl;dr: it's not bad at all, and can be very good.

[theriu]

Grace vs Works

The Bible tells us in no uncertain terms that we are saved by grace, not by works. (Ephesians 2:4-10) This means that Jesus did ALL the saving, and NOTHING we do can earn or “improve on” His gift of forgiveness and salvation from sin. We have only to accept His gift and give Him our hearts.

(For clarity, “grace” means the giving of good things that are not earned or deserved by the person receiving them. “Mercy” is withholding punishment or consequences that ARE deserved.)

But at the same time, Jesus makes it clear that Christians SHOULD do good works. In fact, He tells a story of the end of time, when those who did good would be rewarded while those who did not “never knew me.” (Matthew 25:31-46) We as Christians are expected to do His will, which means good works of kindness, compassion, love, justice, etc.

This often raises the question: how can both of these things be true?

Here is a simplified explanation that I hope will help clarify this important issue for someone:

- If you are doing good works AS A DEMONSTRATION OF YOUR LOVE AND GRATITUDE FOR CHRIST AND HIS SAVING WORK, that is a natural byproduct of faith. When we truly have faith in the Lord, He changes our hearts to be more like His, and that means an increasing desire to do good for others and share His love. Think of a child doing the dishes or weeding the garden for their mom or dad, just to surprise them and see them smile after coming home from a long day’s work. Their reward is pleasure at the happiness they brought the person they love. This is the kind of good work God calls for us to do, and He delights in helping us do them!

But if we DON’T do good works, if we simply don’t care and treat Christ’s salvation as a Get Out Of Jail Free card, this is a massive red flag that our faith is not genuine. We may claim to be a Christian but not have the salvation that comes from surrendering our lives to Christ and accepting our need for His forgiveness. If we claim we are saved but care nothing about our Savior and His commands, we have not actually accepted the grace that saves us. We are no better off than those who honestly declare they don’t believe in God - in fact, our self-delusion may mean we are worse off than them.

- If you are doing good works TO EARN CREDIT OR DEBT FROM GOD OR SOCIETY, you are not demonstrating faith. This is the kind of toxic do-goodness that only focuses on YOU. This person EXPECTS God or people to admire and praise and bless them - to be seen as better than other people - and if they don’t get those results, they are angry and resentful. They may act kind and holy, but they are motivated by sinful pride.

Or there are those who may do public good to cover up less visible sins in their lives, like tithing extra while verbally abusing the family at home, or volunteering for nursery duty while spreading vicious gossip - or performing the works of a pastor while committing adultery with a church member. Think of a child who is always sweet when the adults are around so that the adults won’t believe it when other kids say that child is mean and nasty to them.

Those who do good works for these reasons are showing a LACK of faith in Christ as their Lord and Savior, the master of their lives. They show a lack of recieving God’s saving grace, and will find that the “debt” they thought God owed them is worthless at Heaven’s gates. The state of our hearts might be hidden from other people here on Earth, but it will be laid bare for all to see when we meet God face to face.

- I want to add something for those like me, who may love the Lord but worry they aren’t “doing enough” to show it. First, let me assure you that the fact you even HAVE that desire to do better is a sign of the Lord’s work in your life! Someone at bible camp told me that as a kid, and it has been a source of comfort to me for years, even when I struggle.

Please understand that only the Holy Spirit can make the changes in our hearts that are needed to make our feelings line up with the good works He calls us to do. We can’t force our subconscious selves to be naturally more godly or patient or faithful than we currently are; only the Holy Spirit can do this. But there are two ways we can help:

First, we can ask the Lord to change our hearts so that we WANT to do the things we know we should be doing! I have found this really does help! God delights in answering prayers for better heart motives and stronger faith and more wisdom. The answer may not always come in the form we expect (and the answer may be harder to deal with than we want), but He WILL give us opportunities and guidance and STRENGTH to develop these good things in our hearts! When we choose to trust the Holy Spirit to make these changes in our hearts, we give Him room to do what He already wants to do for us!

Second (but this is really just an extension of the last point), we can choose to DO the good things, even when we don’t feel like doing them. Because sometimes we think we have to “feel” a certain way to do good, or that a good work doesn’t count if our feelings don’t line up. C.S. Lewis talks about this in his book Mere Christianity: it is the act of putting on the mask of Christ, “pretending” to be like Him. Not pretending as those doing good works for praise pretend, but pretending to OURSELVES. We pretend we ARE more patient, and act more patient towards those who annoy us. We pretend we ARE more helpful, and act like a helpful person. And if we do this long enough, we will find that our faces have “grown to fit the mask” - we will become more like Christ simply by acting like Him and letting the Holy Spirit make what started as pretend become a reality.

I hope this is helpful to someone out there! I am not a Bible scholar or anything so formal, but I’ve found that the Lord grants understanding at unexpected times and in unexpected ways, and He can use any of us. Keep going strong!

If you aren’t a Christian but are thinking about it, or if you have always thought yourself a Christian but wonder if you actually have submitted to Christ as God and accepted His salvation, please reach out. I am happy to try and help, and there are many places online and IRL with people and resources that God can use to get you the answers you need. And above all, read His Word and pray for His help. I promise you that He will give it. =)

[bimormondisaster]

Hi! I'm an ex-mormon and some of your recent posts really interested me. Feel free to ignore this (it turned into a pretty long essay), but I wanted to share some thoughts about why many ex-mormons are so hostile to queer mormons. Maybe you've heard all this before, but I wanted to share

Leaving a religion (especially a high-demand religion like the Mormon church) is a very difficult process. For a lot of ex-mormons, the church was an extremely important part of their lives before leaving, and losing that often triggers a grieving process. And for many, anger is part of that grieving.

This does not excuse any hateful or abusive behavior. Many ex-mormons go through this phase without telling Mormons to kill themselves or that they're all in a dangerous cult. What I do want to emphasize is that this a phase.

I find the idea that many ex-mormons convert to ex-mormonism to be accurate for most people first leaving the religion. They feel lied to and hurt, and many haven't worked through the idea that there is only one true way to experience spirituality, they just change their idea of what that truth is. And they've been taught that when you have "the truth" it is a moral duty to spread it far and wide.

For most ex-mormons who went through this phase, though, it ends. It is a phase in their grieving process that they get through, and they are able to break out of that black and white thinking. You probably don't encounter many of these ex-mormons though, because they aren't as likely to seek out current queer Mormons, and if they do their less likely to say anything because they've learned (finally) that their opinions don't matter all that much.

This sounds a lot more like defending ex-mormons than I wanted it be. I don't think I need to defend us to you, as far as I can tell you don't have any problem with chill ex-mormons. I just wanted to explain the headspace of angry ex-mormons, because I find it to be pretty interesting and thought you would too.

To summarize, I find it interesting that your posts seem to distinguish between angry ex-mormons and ex-mormons who are chill with people who are still in the church, when in my experience those aren't two different groups but the same people who change over time. Obviously this doesn't excuse any cruel behavior, but I thought it might be of some small comfort to know that even though it may feel like talking to a wall trying to get through to these people, they are on their own journeys and will likely eventually come around and realize that being Mormon is just as valid a way of living as not being Mormon.

Dear Anon,

First I want to thank you for respectfully reaching out. It’s good to hear from other perspectives. I also want to warn you that I may be a tad all over the place. To try and minimize that I am going to quote you then respond to that quote. I hope this helps to keep things clear.

Before I do that I want to share a theory I have. Queer members and exmormons share a similar path to deconstruction. I’d go so far as to say that we at points have shared the same path. For me, the only reason I stay is that I felt that was what I was “called” to do. I have no hate in my heart for those that leave or those that stay. All of us are different.

Another thing you should know is that I was on a very thin line of growing up in a cult. My birth mother was one phone call away from packing up and living in a tent in someone’s backyard because “it was the end days”. I grew up believing that whatever the next season was that was it, that was when we would leave. I left at sixteen and am still in the process of healing.

I say that to let you know I have experience with the stages of grief when it comes to your beliefs. I have had the unique experience of deconstructing twice, both of which aren’t, and probably never will finish in this life. I don’t mean to say that I know all or have more experience considering everyone has a different story I am as clueless to yours as you are to mine.

Anyway, that’s enough preamble.

“Leaving a religion (especially a high-demand religion like the Mormon church) is a very difficult process. For a lot of ex-mormons, the church was an extremely important part of their lives before leaving, and losing that often triggers a grieving process. And for many, anger is part of that grieving.”

I agree! The grieving process is a very important part of leaving a religion or changing your belief system.

“I find the idea that many ex-mormons convert to ex-mormonism to be accurate for most people first leaving the religion. They feel lied to and hurt, and many haven't worked through the idea that there is only one true way to experience spirituality, they just change their idea of what that truth is. And they've been taught that when you have "the truth" it is a moral duty to spread it far and wide.”

Yes! This is what a couple of my posts were about. You put it beautifully.

“For most ex-mormons who went through this phase, though, it ends. It is a phase in their grieving process that they get through, and they are able to break out of that black and white thinking. You probably don't encounter many of these ex-mormons though, because they aren't as likely to seek out current queer Mormons, and if they do their less likely to say anything because they've learned (finally) that their opinions don't matter all that much.”

Actually, I know quite a few exmormons who are out of the anger phase or in it a different way. Many are a part of Queerstake. Some are irl friends. Anger is a stage of grief. It is meant to be moved on from, however, people can relapse even after reaching acceptance.

“as I can tell you don't have any problem with chill ex-mormons. I just wanted to explain the headspace of angry ex-mormons, because I find it to be pretty interesting and thought you would too.”

You’re correct in the fact that I don’t have a problem with “chill” exmormons. I do want to mention again that anger is a stage and you can relapse. It isn’t the person or the stage that I am upset with. It is the actions that they take. But I’ll get into that in a moment. I do find this quite interesting and once again thank you for sharing!

“I find it interesting that your posts seem to distinguish between angry ex-mormons and ex-mormons who are chill with people who are still in the church, when in my experience those aren't two different groups but the same people who change over time.”

I’m going to be honest, they are completely two different groups, but that does not mean that a person can’t switch between the two or even be in both at the same time.

“Obviously this doesn't excuse any cruel behavior, but I thought it might be of some small comfort to know that even though it may feel like talking to a wall trying to get through to these people, they are on their own journeys and will likely eventually come around and realize that being Mormon is just as valid a way of living as not being Mormon.”

Thank you for sharing. It is a nice reminder that people change.

Other thoughts

I want to remind you and everyone reading this where this started. While tumblrstake was watching and talking about general conference Exmormons and nonmembers decided to come into the tag and post things from saying they hated it trending to suicide baiting us. It was a triggering event that I am still dealing with.

Anger is a natural emotion. I have no problem with people expressing anger, I have a problem with them seeking us out to harass us. There is a line that shouldn’t be crossed yet constantly is. That is my problem.

I hope this helps,

Zen

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 1: CamelNOT

[Lively Music Plays]

I shit you not... that’s what it said in the CCs.

Tower of London (?)

*Catherine looks at the array of crowns like a museum curator and the proceeds to strut down the halls*

Wolsey: *gives her this strange look which is a mixture between damn girl and the eagle is my spirit animal.

Then Catherine gets fake detained and taken to Henry in what must be a strange variation of the whole Robin Hood/Maid Marian roleplay they historically engaged in.

... did she just call his erhm manhood his kingship? Well that’s original, I’ll give them that. Also funny how Bessie Blount initially looks on in fright... don’t worry girl that will be you soon.

———————————————————————

*the four ladies have a brunch friendship moment together*

I see Blount is among them... I see they are setting her up as Catherine’s friend in order to play up the whole betrayal.

Alright. Jokes aside, I realised how much I’ve played myself. I was inspired by @melusineloriginale ‘s sporks (which if all this TSP episode posts got you in the mood for PG show mockery I urge you to check out here - you’ll thank me later). In truth, Henry VIII’s early reign is a bit too late from my main area of focus for me to make intelligent jokes.

I’ll content myself with just bullet-pointing random thoughts that came into my head, and if some intelligent thought gets through, well that would be the pinnacle. In any case I’ll aim to not parrot some of the stuff that’s already been said, repetition can get annoying.

This image embodies this post, but maybe not the show. I’ve noticed those Starz productions get better by the end.

First Scenes:

- The recap just reminded me how much I will miss Margaret Beaufort in the coming episodes. I know her portrayal was innacurate but Harriet Walter just made everything better.

- They are making such a big deal out of this whole ‘we were crowned together, we rule together’ thing in this episode - it makes no sense. Catherine was an influential Queen but she was definitely no more than a consort and never saw herself as more.

- Ruairi’s new haircut is pleasing to my eyes.

- When she says ‘Abuelo’ it’s super adorable awww

The Ferdinand and Charles V scene:

- Bessie Blount looks so much like Ursula Pole lmao. Also they totally got the Pole children’s birth order wrong and UGH WHERE IS GEOFFREY POLE???

- I like Mary Tudor’s actress and her facial expressions. However, this whole polyglot image they are representing is innacurate. I am fairly certain she knew no spanish and I recall reading a contemporary account which said that she was not very learned.

- I’m pretty sure it would be considered bad luck to prematurely crown your son ‘Henry IX’ while you’re still alive.

- I actually like the whole Grape motif in this episode. It’s probably the smartest thing they’ve come up with so far for this episode. I know a lot of you will be all like ‘there’s no record of Ferdinand being abusive’ but this choice sort of makes sense when you recall Joanna’s treatment. Also I appreciate them for not being tacky and showing flashbacks of more overt abuse eg physical. The sugared grape is also fairly symbolic (the sugar is like a gilding, the grape easily crushable)

- OMG the guy from Garrow’s law is playing Thomas More!

- AND PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT SEEING THINGS? Margaret Pole x Thomas More is happening?? Please god that is a historical crackship I am getting behind. Yes. This is what I’m most invested about.

Margaret Tudor and Scotland Scene:

- The whole ironic cutaway to Margaret being all depressed after Charles Brandon’s statement about her charming Scottish king is such a cliché movie technique.

- If this were a more artsy film I would think the whole setup resembling a stereotypical middle-class family breakfast was done on purpose for humorous effects or to create a link with the past. But here I don’t have as much trust in the producers. I think they just failed to capture the time period accurately.

- The modernisms continue: ‘Negassi please stop playing’ idk, there just something so modern about this for some reason ahaha

- Also again, I’m getting tired of all this ‘Catherine is basically queen herself’, ‘Catherine is a political genius’, ‘Catherine Catherine Catherine’ ugh. I don’t think the producers understand that Henry VIII was a very autocratic and traditional ruler. He didn’t make any show of joint-rulership (correct me if I’m wrong).

- The teeth thing is funny, smart and I liked it.

Back to Westminster:

- I like Ferdinand’s actor!

- Also Catherine’s response to ‘who are you loyal to?’ was not that smart. I feel like the producers wanted us to be impressed. What if Spain and England’s interests conflict, ey??

The Joust:

- I care too much for the whole Margaret Pole plotline. I’m so invested.

- I could watch a series of More and Pole just exchanging lines. I love the actors too and this is my hope for this series. The whole frustrated parents is SO CUTE.

- I didn’t know More tutored Reggie, I would be curious to know more.

- The way compton says groom to queen’s stool is freaking hilarious. He looks like a pervert.

- Henry Pole is a darling and must be protected at all costs.

- Oh Christ oh Christ that eyeball shot was just... good job on the special effects guys. Don’t know what the point of that choice was.

- I found the whole armour mentions after interesting, it looked so set up as a PR campaign because Stafford speaking about the armour just sounded like a statement agreed on beforehand ‘should have worn the same’ and the Catherine with ‘steel in the bones’ and Ferdinand’s impressed face (it was him playing them?)

- Am I giving this show too much credit?

- Also whats up with “God save the Queen?”

War Counsel:

- Henry VIII’s actor is quite charismatic in this scene. It’s almost as if Catherine is the hothead and Henry the wise one that speaks less but more significantly. It almost feels like they gender-swapped them.

The Bedchamber:

- Did Catherine breastfeed the baby? I thought it was Anne Boleyn. Doubtful... I’m tired of the trope of ‘you’re a good woman if you insist on breastfeeding the child yourself despite social conventions’. For a feminist show, the writers seem very attached to some 1950s perceptions of motherhood.

- I feel like the age difference between Catherine and Henry is well conveyed.

Scotland Again:

- ‘All the sheep were pregnant’ 👀 oh touché Margaret. oh my. Did she just?

- I know they are playing out this disenfranchised Margaret arc to reinforce how great Catherine and Henry are (cheap technique) and to build up to her involvement in Flodden (innacurate historically but I know what the show will do). But I will say this: the humour is pretty good in the Scottish scenes! But I know it’s unintentionally so... (I highly doubt they wanted us to laugh at Margaret hitting James or calling Alexander a pig).

Westminster and the baby chamber:

- What’s are those red splotches on the babies face??

- Oh that shot of Margaret and silent Reginald :((( it makes me sad.

- And now the Poles are at church! I just love the look of them.

- That scene of Maggie and Catherine was needed, as we didn’t get the best friends vibe much in this episode. The whole thing looked a bit pagan though, but it was nice :)

The whole Ferdinand’s betrayal segment:

- The grape motif again was fitting, him snapping the fruit right before she gets to it even despite her knowing what he’s like and what he’ll do, was a good parrallel.

- I’m tired of hearing of this ‘Camelot’. Even in the novel, Camelot was Catherine and Arthur’s dream and... can we just live it up with Arthur?

- Ursula Pole’s, Bessie Blount’s and Mary Boleyn’s actresses look way too similar.

- I fail to see why Catherine thinks she’s turning into her father... she doesn’t strike me as much of a game-player or subtle two-facer.

- I’m intrigued what will happen with Oviedo and Lina... I feel like they won’t stay in England long.

- He was made knight bannaret... nice... but why does he thank Catherine publicly for this? It was in Henry’s gift that he was made a commoner Knight.. if this transpired irl Henry would have been gravely insulter.

Catherine’s Dead Baby and thereafter:

- Guys. In all seriousness, I don’t think the TV series is trying to imply that Catherine killed the baby with her negligence. I mean, they are so bent on us liking her they wouldn’t do that. It would be a bit too ballsy anyway. Remember the red splotches I mentioned earlier? Could those have been a sign that he was already ill but no one noticed/was in denial?

- The pebbles in hands would have had more emotional payoff if it had been established earlier if you know what I mean. Basically, this episode is too fast and entire arcs begin and end within it which extinguished any build-up.

- Oh man Henry is so sweet in this, how will they build him up as the tyrant he was historically if they keep this up?

Scotland Again:

- I must admit, I don’t like all those nicknames they keep using. But somehow James calling Margaret ‘Meg’ is nice and seems fitting.

- What’s a hermana sister?

England Last Mourning Scenes:

- YOU DID NOT BUILD CAMELOT ughhh

- Why is Catherine giving the speech and not Henry?? It turns out Catherine was more emotional historically then the whole perception of ‘perfect queen of stone’ to which some people hold her. However, I doubt it would have been proper of her to give a speech in such a emotional manner.

Conclusion:

6.5/10

Some of the dialogue was stilted, the costumes are confused as to which era they’re supposed to be (aesthetically distracting) and many other characterisation issues.

I don’t have high hopes for this series in terms of cinematography or art but I sure as hell expect it will be entertaining. So far, everything is just getting set up and I find some aspects promising. As you can tell I am truly excited over how the Margaret Pole plotline. I am also interested in how Henry will be portrayed, with Catherine being so OTT and pushy this episode Im starting to Stan him more. In this show he appears sensitive and serene and kinda... adorable. Kind of like a little brother hanging onto his sister’s skirts.

But in a way that is a disservice to the real historical figure which would not tolerate such a representation. I am very irritated by this whole ‘joint-rulers’ thing which is just sooo innacurate. These STARZ shows have an obsession with showing women turn into men for the purposes of feminism - I see.

Catherine overpowers Henry too often and it sometimes feels like he’s HER consort. Of course, the feminism in this show is schizophrenic as we get the overemphasis of Catherine as a 1950s motherly ideal with the whole breastfeeding angle (“you’re better than other noble woman who would find this beneath them”, “they’re not as motherly as you”).

So the relationship dynamic between Henry and Catherine is a bit off at the moment, but oh well.

Mary Tudor is a bit distracting with her dark hair but I find the actress extremely endearing and promising. I know there will be emphasis on her storyline too and I hope they’ll not be clichéd with it.

[alewyren]

I dislike redemption arc culture.

I hate seeing arguments over which characters are “irredeemable,” and this notion that every villain story has to be a morally didactic narrative in which the bad guy gets punished, the end.

I’m almost tempted to say we were all spoiled by having Zuko as a formative experience, because he’s really just the picture perfect redemption arc. He started out as a legit villain, but he never did anything too atrocious, had a tragic backstory that explained why he was like that, and went through three whole seasons of gradual character development. Like, Zuko was an amazing character. That’s the problem, though; he set our expectations too high for what “the perfect redemption arc” should be. Everyone expects their “reformed villain” characters to follow those same beats, but not every story is that cut and dry. There are lines between redemption and reformation, reformation and rehabilitation, rehabilitation and just... continuing to exist but no longer hurting anyone, and there’s a lot of nuance lost when people try to cram all that into the box of “redemption arc.”

Gonna be bringing a lot of different examples to the table here, but let’s start with Azula for ease of transition. She went through the same abuse that Zuko did, but she never got a redemption arc in ATLA proper. Some people say this isn’t fair. I disagree. This is not to say I don’t think she should be afforded the opportunity for post-canon character growth, because I absolutely do. I fully think she is capable of Getting Better, and spinoff media has consistently portrayed her as a sympathetic character. But like... she’s done some shit. She was a straight up war criminal, and emotionally abusive towards basically everyone in her social circle. I understand why. She was a 14 year old raised in an environment that rewarded that behavior, and never given a healthy outlet for her aggression.

The difference, in my opinion, is this: Zuko was fundamentally a good person from the start. Far from perfect, but he has a strong sense of values even as a child. Azula is not. Redemption for someone like Azula would look much different than it did for Zuko. Besides, in ATLA proper she was already filling an important villain role. She’d need her own show. (Which would be awesome, actually.)

But I think that’s where you have to ask the question: what even is a redemption arc? Is it any story where a villain stops being a villain? Is there a scale for like, “must do X amount of good deeds equal to Y bad deeds to qualify for redemption”? Must they be sufficiently punished for their bad deeds? What if reformation is possible without punishment--is punishment for its own sake truly justice? The focus people have on penance and atonement feels very baked in Christian moral philosophy. People don’t work like that. There’s not a cosmic scale of right and wrong, or a cosmic sin counter, there’s just... actions and their immediate impact. Bad people being let off the hook too easily can leave a bad taste in your mouth, and there are of course things with unfortunate real world implications which can’t be divorced from real-world context which are... irresponsible to allow in the hands of Certain Groups, but I hate this notion of “villains must be punished appropriately for their crimes, always, even if they have extenuating circumstances, even if they have demonstrated the capacity for personal growth, because that personal growth will never negate their misdeeds.”

In real life, it’s different. In real life, you can never be sure what’s going on in another person’s head. But the prison system of justice is fundamentally broken. People are rarely fundamentally evil, but there are some people who are too twisted and dangerous to society to be allowed to live without, at the very least, constant supervision. True evil is banal, rooted in social systems, not individual “bad people.” People have individual will, but ultimately they’re just the products of the environment and systems that fostered them. Setting aside the questions of whether people can be born evil or at what age you become personally responsible for your actions, you will get bad apples in any sufficiently large group of people. If someone has to be punished and removed from society, that’s not a success of justice. The fact that they reached that point in the first place is a failure of society in and of itself.

In fiction, technically everyone is redeemable. You can get into the heads of the bad guys and do basically whatever you want with them. Fiction should be responsible when dealing with real-world issues that affect real people, but it does not have to be morally didactic. Sometimes there just... isn’t an easy, morally didactic answer for dealing with morally complicated characters or situations. And more importantly, sometimes the morally didactic answer isn’t the narratively interesting answer. 9 out of 10 times, what’s more interesting to read about? A horrible villain being put to death, or a horrible villain being forced to live and grow?

Some hypothetical examples to ponder, purely in the context of fiction.

Horrible war criminal villain with a body count in the millions has all memories of their crimes wiped, or is forcibly brainwashed into being a better person. Setting aside the ethics of brainwashing: are they still required to “repent”? Would a victim still be justified in seeking penance from this guilt-free shell? Would this change at all depending on who was responsible for the mind-wipe?

More realistic: horrible war criminal villain with a body count in the millions straight up retires. Gets older. Bloodlust, national zeal, whatever once motivated them to do such evil loses its edge. They fall in love. Start a family. As they grow as a person, learn the value of life, the weight of their crimes starts to sink in. They atone in little ways, through little random acts of kindness and helping the people around them, but for one reason or another (not wanting to risk harm to their family, knowing they’ll be tortured for information? you decide) don’t turn themselves into the proper justice system and are never punished. Should they be punished, or allowed to continue existing? Would this change at all depending on the surrounding political circumstances, i.e.: whether their public execution would hold any symbolic value, whether affected groups are calling for their death? Does it matter at all in deciding justice whether this hypothetical villain feels personal guilt or regret over their war crimes? Why or why not?

Child villains. IRL there are documented cases of violent crime in children as young as grade school age, not all of whom had violent backgrounds. Should they be held to the same standards as adult villains, even if the scale of their crimes are the same? What’s the cutoff age? Are all villains under 18 capable of rehabilitation, no matter how horrible their crimes? How about 16? 14? 12? What about villains whose ages aren’t really clear, ie Cell from DBZ being like, six?

How much does backstory matter? Should it matter if there’s a good reason someone is Like That, or should their actions be judged as-is? It doesn’t matter to the victims whether or not the villain had a bad childhood, right? Moreover, does it matter at all whether someone is “fundamentally a good person,” at least insofar as genuinely caring about the people around them and caring about a moral code? People do evil things for reasons other than “being evil people.”

Morally bankrupt person who regularly fantasizes violent harm on the people around them, wholly selfish with no love for any other human being, fundamentally incapable of meaningful self-reflection or growth. Just a complete piece of shit all around. But they never have, and never will, commit any crimes, either due to some divine ordinance or just plain self-preservation/fear of getting caught. They might, at worst, just be a toxic asshole, but not one who holds any power over others. Should they be punished solely for their moral character, rather than actions?

There aren’t always easy answers. It’s okay to acknowledge that, and it’s okay to tackle hard moral questions like this in fiction. And I hate seeing this boiled down to “stop trying to redeem villains who are Actually Horrible People” or whatever. Especially in kids’ media which takes an optimistic stance on people being capable of change in the first place. Y’all gotta stop holding it to the same level of moral realism as gritty stuff for adults.

On the whole, I think we should do away with the term “redemption” in the context of morality entirely. Like redemption arc, redemption equals death, what does that mean? It implies one has sufficiently made up for their past deeds, that that’s the gold standard, but is that really ever possible? Like I said, there’s not a cosmic good deeds | bad deeds counter for every person, or at least not one that living people have any way of knowing about. And that’s a flawed way of thinking to begin with. Those bad deeds can never be erased, ever. There plenty of examples of villains who commit crimes they can never realistically atone for. Regardless of whether they want to atone in the first place, it’s like I said: in fiction, it’s often just... more fun to force them to live and deal with the consequences. But on the flipside, there are so, so many people who see themselves as “good” and use that to justify their own bad deeds. Which ties back into what I said about the whole discourse reeking of Christian moral philosophy, because lmfao @ corruption in the catholic church.

The point is. There are shades of grey. Not everything has to be a full-blown bad guy to good guy redemption arc. You don’t need to “properly atone for your sins” to be worthy of life or love.

Here are some better questions to ask than “is this character redeemable”:

Is it believable, from what we know of this villain as a character, that they are capable of becoming a good, law-abiding citizen?

How about capable of love?

Guilt?

Are they capable of any personal growth whatsoever?

Are they capable of being a positive impact on the lives of the people around them?

Is it actively harmful to leave them alive, even with clipped wings?

Is it interesting to leave them alive?

How morally didactic is the narrative as a whole?

How much forgiveness are they offered, versus how much could they possibly ever deserve?

How abstracted is this character from reality, ie: are there any real world parallels that make it uncomfortable to frame this character in a sympathetic light? (be careful not to fall into a black and white abuser/victim dichotomy)

Would further punishment or suffering be productive? (Productive, not justified, that’s a key distinction--punishment for its own sake is just pointless cruelty.)

Even the most vile, irredeemable bastards can still be dragged like... an inch. And that’s still a fun and valuable story in and of itself, even if it’s nothing remotely approaching a redemption arc and they’d very much still deserve to rot in Hell by the end of it. I don’t believe Hell is real, as much as I personally wish it were sometimes, but like. If it were, or in fictional universes where it is.

But also, there really are some characters and botched “redemption arcs” that just come off insanely uncomfortable. And there is a subjective aspect to that as well, but more than once I’ve seen people say “X villain did not deserve redemption/forgiveness” and 9 times out of 10 I’m like “that’s... really not what they got, though?”

It’s complicated.

[lord-of-fidgets]

Serious talk/vent ahead :

I don't know how to really explain everything but I feel I need to in hopes either I feel better or someone else who've even through something can give me some sort of advice or ... Something. Or maybe I'm just looking for someone to just.. listen? Who knows.

My family - used loosely - is made up of my step dad and my biological mom. At least that's who I live with because I've been unable to get my own place. There's a set of strict rules I have to follow; they rule everything. media consumed, etc, have to be approved otherwise I have to hide it ( try to anyway) or just like it from afar. They took me out of public school when I was in the 6th grade, and essentially isolated me. Telling me how evil the world was while also being abusive to me mentally/emotionally/physically.

I was expected to read the bible in the morning, during school hours, and at night. Only "biblical" music was allowed. Same with movies and books. Etc. If an argument happened I would be told that there was a demon in me and I needed to be prayed over. If I couldn't recite a prayer ( due to me not liking to talk, and being put on the spot makes me feel akward) then it was assumed I was also under the influence of demons.

Since I'm afab, I was trained that my duty as a female was to know how to run a home, be married, stay at home, and have kids ( with no say in it - as saying no or using birth control is considered sinful. ) And that college and debt was a sin and a waste of time. LGBTQ is evil in their eyes as well ( so hence why I'm not out anywhere but online and to some irl online friends ).

One of the things the community they belong to believe is that amab and afab people can't talk without supervision. And that writing letters was strictly used with the intent to get to know someone for a more romantic purpose. Aka to see if marriage was being sought. If so, then my mom and step dad would have to approve.

There's this one guy from years ago that I saw at my mom's church. It was around the time I started really questioning what I believed and who I was, truly. It was one of many difficult times in the family. Including the time where my step dad shoved me by the neck to the ground and tried to kick me, and mom didn't want to take me to the hospital because she "wouldn't lie" and that "we can't afford it" despite the fact I was concussed and more. Anyway....

I stayed to myself in the church. I didn't have friends and I didn't get along with anyone really. When we were getting ready to move again, this guy apparently told his mom I was pretty, etc. And then asked my mom and step dad for permission to write me. I said sure because I was on the spot, and he did write. I never replied. Fast forward and I find out he is still waiting for a reply. 2 years later. He has not apparently tried to date or persue anyone else and I find it creepy because this guy doesn't know me AT ALL. Just my name and my face.

Now any time I try to mention my future, my mom brings him ( M ) up. "Well you don't see anyone else around here do you waiting in line?" <--- is what she likes to tell me, feeding into my fears of being alone and also making me feel like she just wants to get rid of me. I sort of feel like I'm behind coherced into talking to M and then maybe even marrying him. Like she thinks I won't find anyone else and it feels like she low-key is guilt tripping me into not replying to M. .

If I did reply and it led down that path - I could never transition. I'd be hardcore back into the closet. Which is what everyone wants. Me to be a cishet afab. I've been desperate enough I've even googled on how to try to do conversation therapy on myself - anything to fit in to stop the struggle. To be the good girl they wanted. It makes me cry. It feels wrong. I am a man. I'm a gay man.

But if I tried to be me - I'd be homeless. With no place to go ( I have no friends to stay with anywhere near me either ), no car, etc. And then I'd be even more alone since I'd be cut off from family forever. They've abused me but I think one of my fears is being abandoned thanks to all the other truamas I went through early on in my life.

Thats another thing. This same group of these type of people said I was demon possessed because of my self harm scars. They claimed to be holy and wanting to help but would isolate me and talk bad about me to the point the kids would repeat things the adults said about me, even though I kept to myself and tried to stay out of people's way. ...

Apparently M knows I'm autistic and as mom put it that would be good because "his sister is autistic so he's familiar with it." As if she's trying to toss me over to another caretaker.

And this is just skimming the surface.

I feel alone and ashamed for being me and they've made me believe I'm evil and sinful and wrong and need to just fall in line and repent and try to be good and obey regardless of my own wants. They use my fears against me. The only reason I even have a phone is due to a friend many states away when I lost my one job ( low-key sure I was fired because I am autistic ) and couldn't afford my own phone anymore ( which didn't have internet access anyway ).

I just... Feel so afraid.

[eddtober]

EDDTOBER MASTERPOST 2019!

ABOUT:

Eddtober is a list of prompts made in an effort to encourage the Eddsworld Fandom to spread their wings of creativity beyond the norms that they are used to, during the month of October.

It is all without harming others or causing drama, a neutral ground for all fans of Eddsworld to come and have fun, no matter what side of a discourse they’re in. 

It hopes to promote inspiration beyond the usual over-dramatised content, to revive a spirit in Eddsworld that hasn’t been seen in many years, and to stretch the invitation to all who can create.

Eddtober calls not only the artists who have a talent for drawing and painting and so forth, but also: the authors (fanfics, journalists, essayists, diarists, poets, ramblers), the cosplayers, the video-makers (animators, video essays, memers, youtubers), the gamers (game devs, let’s plays) and more. Eddtober calls for all those who want to be inspired with unconventional creativity. 

So Eddheads: come forth, be inspired and make something new! 

With that out the way, steel yourselves - this post is gonna be a long one under the cut!

RULES:

Base Rules need to be set so everyone can participate in Eddtober safely and in a fun way. Please read them carefully!

Always tag it with #eddtober and tag appropriately! Of course, the first part is easy. In regards to the second part, there’s three categories. All they have in common is that they must be tagged with their own tag and NOT in the main eddtober tag. These specific tags musn’t be shortened or reimagined either, just to make sure. Side Note: If you don’t want to see ANY of these things mentioned in the categories, it’s recommended that you get some form of a blacklist extention, either Tumblr Savior, xKit, or even tumblr itself to hide those things from you. Though do beware - be careful when looking through the blog since… Yeah, it’s hard to blacklist stuff through there. a) Gore. Gore and related NSFW is allowed in the challenge, but please tag it as #Eddtober gore, alongside the appropriate trigger warnings of the subject as #tw -trigger here- . The creative piece should also be posted with a ‘keep reading’ redirection so it isn’t immediately seen by those who are repulsed by it. b) Shipping. As of 2019, shipping is now officially allowed and acceptable in the challenge! If you have any ships implied or shown in a prompt response, always use #eddtober shipping and what ship it is in a seperate tag. c) (In)Famous Fan Projects. As of 2019, a lot of dividing opinions have been flying around the community and splitting people apart. In an event of unity and neutrality, these opinions are still welcomed, but still have to be done carefully. If you’re in favour of a fan-project, go ahead and tag them alongside ’#eddtober fan project’. But if you’re not, then you don’t have to tag them - just use ’#eddtober fan project salt’. And yes, those are the exact tags. No need to alter them here.

Be Sensitive and Respectful to Others. I know many of us here in this fandom can take easy offence to certain creations, so please consider and think on your creative piece before you make and post it. If it’s intentionally insulting and offensive, don’t post or even create it at all.  

Credit Where Due. This should be blatantly obvious right now, but please, please don’t steal other’s creative fanwork or post it without credit. Always have permission from the creator to post something of their’s, regardless of the social media, and always have their username when you post it, not just ‘credit to the artist/original person’. If you do not follow this, actions will be taken for your consequences. This also goes for spreading Eddtober - always place a link to this blog if you spread the list to other social medias!

Keep your situation and life chill. You can do one prompt for Eddtober, some of the prompts or all of them - up to you! It’s understandable if life gets in the way. The goal of Eddtober is not to do every prompt, but to be inspired to create fan-content in a way you usually wouldn’t have.

Spread the word. This is less of a rule and more of a personal request from Admin Chris, but since she doesn’t have many social media accounts you’d expect, spreading word of Eddtober (with appropriate credit back to this blog) would mean a LOT, so they can join in the fun too!

Sharing is caring. Reblogging and sharing from your fellow creators doing Eddtober would be great to give them a motivation and confidence boost! (Keep in mind that reposting is not the same as reblogging, unless proper credit is given with the original artists’ permission.)

Go Beyond the Boundaries of Your Imagination. The whole purpose of Eddtober is to promote new, fresh things to come up in the Eddsworld fandom and break a cycle of the same old that’s been there for a while. Take a leap, spread your wings, do your best, and go have fun.

BOUNDARIES:

Most of this list will be related to Rule Two of Eddtober:

Be Sensitive and Respectful to Others.

Quote:

‘I know many of us here in this fandom can take easy offence to certain creations, so please consider and think on your creative piece before you post.‘

Whilst Eddtober is a fun, neutral place to spread our creative wings, there are boundaries that need to be taken in order to keep everyone safe. Which means certain parts that are usually seen as ‘common’ within the Eddsworld Fandom will not be acceptable in the challenge. This list is just to make sure that we as the Eddtober community can set a good standard for the fandom and for ourselves.

Edd Gould’s death. Admin Chris wishes to make it clear that creative pieces that draws clear lines to Edd’s passing IS NOT okay. This includes Edd (IRL and the character) in hospital for cancer, Angel Edd or any AU that depicts him as a divine being of any sort (including Blessworld), in Heaven or Hell (as an actual denizen there, not a tourist like in Hello Hellhole. There’s a strong difference).   Here at Eddtober, Edd's life is something to be celebrated, not his death. It’s uncomfortable to see this thing happen and should be steered clear of.

Fetishisation/Sexualisation of Religions and Faiths. This is another reason why AUs such as Blessworld aren’t okay. In regards to that AU, the sexualisation and the horrendous acts done within the Catholic church is a highly sensitive topic that’s still debated over even in real life. So things such as ‘sexy’ nuns and priests and so forth are a strong insult to them. This is only one example though, and I’m not saying you can’t explore faiths and combine them with Eddsworld, but I HIGHLY recommend doing your research on the faith or religion and its history before creating for Eddtober.

Edd’s old IRL Friends. This is regarding Prompts 27 and 28 for the most part. Whilst Edd Gould did draw his pals into comics and Eddisodes, making them their own characters (quite clearly), many of them might not want to be associated with Eddsworld or Edd after his passing or after the legacy season. So out of respect for their wishes, please do not involve Edd’s actual old IRL friends in your creative pieces unless they say they’re okay with it. This will vary from person to person, so do not also take one answer from one person and apply that as an umbrella motive. If you get no response from the person regarding this if you ask them yourself, then take it as a NO and don’t involve them in the creative piece. This doesn’t mean that you cannot use the Eddsworld character based off of them (unless they straight-up say so). You’re perfectly able to, but to avoid future confusion, a person’s Eddsworld character IS NOT the same as the real-life person. For example, using Tom from Eddsworld in a piece is okay, but using Thomas ‘TomSka’ Ridgewell himself for the same Eddsworld piece isn’t. (Disclaimer: Said example may not be 100% accurate unless there’s further information about this. This is a fictional example, after all.)

The real guys’ last names/surnames. I really didn’t want to say this in here and it hasn’t happened in Eddtober yet, but when Legacy ended, one of Tom’s last says was that the fans shouldn’t use the IRL last names of Eddsworld crewmembers (specifically actors and animators) for the characters. It’s an effort to seperate the characters from the real-life people. This means when creating your pieces, you don’t use: -Edd Gould -Tom Ridgewell -Matt Hargreaves -Tord Larsson And so forth. You’re welcome to come up with your own last names for the characters, but please don’t use the old IRL ones. Unfortunately since this habit is starting to pop back up in bits of the fandom, I want to make it clear that isn’t cool or tolerated, and action will be taken if I see it happen in here.

Sinsworld. Believe it or not, the sinsworld tag was specifically made back in the day to keep the porn out of the main. But due to a certain in-fandom event, this intended action has been long-lost. Because of all of these events, any sinsworld (porn, lewds and related sexual NSFW) that’s Sinspired by the Eddtober prompts WILL NOT be accepted into the blog or any other official Eddtober accounts by any means.   This is because many in this fandom are minors/underage and more who are 18+ are repulsed to porn and such (Admin Chris is part of the latter group). It is fine to be sexually inspired by the prompts and create stuff for them, but PLEASE don’t tag that Sinsworld content with Eddtober.

Abusive/Self-Harm Creative Content, Gorey or not. No. Just. No. I don’t wish to deny vent or darker creations. It is good to release your frustrations and express personal issues in what you create, but there are safe and appropriate ways to do so in the challenge. Death wishing, abuse, suicide/suicide idealisation, self-harm and/or similar are NOT allowed to be depicted in the challenge and should NEVER be romanticised or supported. Eddtober aims to be a safe and uplifting place for all creative people, no matter what their space is at the moment.

Shipping. On a similar note - whilst shipping is allowed, there are of course some things we don’t allow out of respect for everyone: -Shipping of the IRL people. -Sexual or abusive ship dynamics and tropes. -Ship-bashing or insulting ships. I’m sure there will be more to add to the list as I continue getting asks regarding this, but in the meantime, please don’t let yourself fall into creating for this.

Gore beyond Eddsworld’s levels. Gore has been a staple of Eddsworld since the early episodes, and it won’t be refused in the challenge. However, there are limits to how far this gore will go as of 2019, and it will be made clear here. -Guts This was allowed in Eddtober 2018, but as of now this is no longer the case. A lot of Eddheads expressed discomfort at the idea of guts hanging out of bodies as of the 2019 preparation survey, and I agree with them. This will also be extended to zombification/zombies. -Romanticised/‘Fashionable’ Gore. Absolutely not. Using the creative properties of gore to make someone look more ‘attractive’ in a sexualised manner is against the earlier boundaries. -Gore of Edd Gould, or his old IRL friends. This hasn’t happened, but it is good to make this clear in case some people are really naive about this: DO NOT DO THIS. That’s just straight-up offensive. -Gore of Prompts 27 to 30 (and potentially 31).   Obviously. Since these last few prompts are about expressing your love and appreciation to the fandom, it doesn’t make sense on why you’d make something gutsy-gorey about some wholesome times. Especially in regards to Prompts Twenty-Seven and Twenty-Eight (Which was also just technically mentioned above, but the point has been made).

(In)Famous fan-projects. In the past year or so, certain fan projects have gathered a strong following - both for love and hate. Unfortunately, due to this hate being especially loud in 2019, action had to be taken for this. It’s not to say that you can’t express your opinions of a project, but there’s a safe way for all in doing so. For the others around you, and for yourself too. So if you’re going to create things that relate to either side of the argument you’re on, I will NOT allow straight-up insulting stuff to either side. Be it horrendous caricatures of the creators, vaguing about others through a story, plain old bashing or other means, I will NOT let it be shared around. More so, if this is kept up, I’ll most likely disregard your creations entirely since I don’t wish to endorse hurtful people. Especially through this event.

With all that said and done, let’s get to the ACTUAL prompts!

Quick reminder: when this list says ‘create something for’, it’s not just referring to fanart. It refers to any medium - digital, traditional or unconventional - that can be used. The challenge here is to be creative as possible, not to stay conventional.

The List features Admin Chris’s Commentary. Some useless, some useful.

Create something for Edd. (Not his real-life counterpart, but the character. That needed some clearing up based on 2017’s results.)

Create something for Tom.

Create something for Matt

Create something for any pre-legacy season episode, except WTFuture. (You can do WTFuture if you want, but seeing that much of this fandom is currently made of people who came in after The End… It’d be worth having a crack at other pre-legacy episodes.)

Create something for or with the crew’s symbols. (An example of symbols being a cola can for Edd, something blue for Tom, a mirror for Matt, etc.)

Create something for Superhero Alter Egos! (It doesn’t have to stop at PowerEdd’s canon either! Go nuts! Give Edd and his friends new superhero alibis and outfits!)

Create something for Supervillain Alter Egos! (Reminder that it doesn’t have to stop at the ‘Green/Blue/Purple/Red Leader scenario! Again, go nuts! Get wacky if you must!)

Create something for Minor characters of the show. (Except the Neighbours - they already have their own prompt.)

Create something for descendants of the main four guys. (Sure, you can make it about the love children of your favourite ships, but the point of this prompt specifically is to not be ship-related. See if you can come up with descendant characters from the bloodlines of the main four. If not, shipping is fine.)

Create something for Tord. (He’s late in this list for a reason. Trust me.)

Create something for the neighbours of 29 Dirdum Lane. Are Kim and Katya still there, or are there newbies in the street?

Create something for the neighbours of 25 Dirdum Lane.

Create something for unlucky things happening to the guys, or one of them. Feel free to go as dark or as humourous as you like!

Create something for genderbends of the guys, maybe as if the Ellsworld we know never existed. Or you can stick to canon, up to you.

This prompt is a wild card. Do with it as you wish. (In 2017 everyone was told to quote: ‘go whole hog on this’. The next thing we all knew, everybody literally drew pigs with the guys. That wasn’t supposed to be literally taken, but by god it was hilarious.)

Create something for your crew. Whether you’re the main character with your friends or have OCs taking that place or a mix of both is up to you.

Create something for an AU of Eddsworld. You can make one up on the spot, or even fan content for an AU that already exists is cool too. (As of rule number two of Eddtober, the Blessworld AU will not be accepted for this prompt. I know it is popular, but if you have any issues with this, please contact me in the blog asks myself.)

Create something for Eddsworld as a video game. Whether it’s concepts and covers for your own ideas or fanart for games in the making such as Eddsworld Armageddon, up to you. Heck, why not make a demo?

Create something for Todd, or whoever the ‘Tord’ figure is of 25 Dirdum Lane.

Create something for a Saloonatics-WTFuture Crossover. (What? Shenanigans could be made here, guys. Just take it!)

Create something for the future selves of the guys. Or if you want to take it up a notch, make your own versions of them! Have them all be hobos (#HoBrosforlife), or have cola not be banned in the future… up to you!

The End who? Create something for and/or elaborate on how you would finish off the Eddsworld Legacy season. (For the purposes of this prompt, I can accept an angsty end for this, but I personally do not recommend it.)

Create something for Zanta. (I guess you could call him a Nightmare Before Christmas, then.)

Create something for an Eddsworld movie. Whether it’s stuff for the Eddsworld Fan Movie or your own ideas, up to you!

Create something for the deal with Tom’s eyes. If you want to call them that.

Pick a song, any song, and put that on repeat. Use it as inspiration to create something in relation to Eddsworld.

Create something for Edd Gould himself. Not his character in Eddsworld, the real-life person.

An obligatory prompt without Eddtober in the beginning: create something for Edd’s birthday. (This was made into a prompt and will permanently remain as one as Edd’s birthday shouldn’t be taken away from today.)

Create something for someone/multiple someones in the fandom who inspire you - even the small artists and writers and such who are just starting out!

Create something for who or what got you into EW. What's your story? How did you get here? (Do you have 90 minutes?)

Create something for you being inserted into Eddsworld in any way. (Because here in Eddtober, cringe culture is dead and we don’t hesitate to self-insert.) Be it you hanging with the guys or going on an eddventure, the context and situation is up to you!

VETERANS! Have you already done a prompt and don’t want to repeat yourself? Then check out the list of Eddstra Prompts here!

Phew! Alright, that’s everything. If you have any suggestions or questions about the challenge, please feel free to shoot an ask through the blog. Thanks for reading and have a safe and awesome Eddtober!

[master-sass-blast]

Planning Pains

Whoooo boy. Gonna have to slap a big ol’ trigger warning on this one.

Summary: You attempt to start planning your upcoming wedding with Piotr --and run into a major emotional wall instead.

Rating: T for adult language, past child abuse, mentions of abuse, trauma from said abuse, and just a lot of anger, angst, and emotional pain.

Set after ‘Questions and Answers’ and before ‘The Literal Crack Fic.’

Also

TRIGGER WARNING: If you’ve got any hang ups on your ability to be loved or be in a relationship (which I absolutely understand and am not judging anyone for because I went through the same stuff as a teenager), this may not be the fic for you! This fic deals extensively with being led to believe that you (as the character of the Reader, not you irl obvs) weren’t worthy of being loved and the trauma that extended from that, and even if you haven’t suffered the abuse and gaslighting that I’ve detailed for the CHC, it’s heavy.

Obviously, y’all are fully capable of making your own grown-ass decisions, but I wanted to put it out there. Just in case.

Taglist:  @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @starman-thorsus-canos-jock

(Want to be added to the taglist? Send me a DM! Seriously, DM me, I don’t trust Tumblr’s ask box system or reblog notification system to catch everything lol.)

You should be able to do this. You’re smart. You’re capable. You help herd around a bunch of malcontent mutant teenagers and take down various groups of mutant criminals or groups planning to enact crimes against mutants –and the former is arguably more dangerous than either of the latter. You can make pancakes without burning down the kitchen –and have an edible product by the end of it (though the overall “pancake” appearance is largely questionable)!

You can fucking fly, for fuck’s sake. Know how many people can do that? A significantly small number, and they need planes or fancy equipment to do it, the chumps.

(Alright, that last point may be a little moot due to your mutation set, but still.)

Point stands: you are a confident, competent, capable adult, who is capable of accomplishing many different things with varying but usually large amounts of success.

So, why is it you can’t plan your own wedding?

You’re staring down at one of the tables in the library; you’d opted to set up in there for the sake of space, so you could spread everything out and get a good look at all of it, but now you’re thinking that was a mistake because the sheer amount of everything only makes it that much clearer that you don’t know what you’re doing.

Venues. Catering options. Invitations. Cake. Flowers. Wedding dress. Bridesmaids dresses. More cake. Music. Groom’s suit and groomsmen’s suits. Cake again. Rings, vows, honeymoon reservations, wedding party details, finding a minister, finding a house, or maybe an apartment, legal name changes—

It’s all too much. Even something simple, like picking what flowers you like, is impossible because…

Because you never even thought someone would want to marry you. For nearly your entire life, you were told that you were a monster, whole-heartedly undesirable, and because of that you never even dreamed about what a wedding for you might look like. Not even once.

And, as a result, you’ve got absolutely nothing in mind for what you might even want.

And it’s making you furious.

Because you should’ve been able to dream about your wedding –or even if in some alternate timeline, you never wanted one, you shouldn’t have been so beaten down that you couldn’t even fathom someone finding you desirable, let alone worthy of committing to.

You’re shaking in your seat, hands trembling as rage courses through you. The longer you stare at everything in front of you, the more helpless you feel, and the angrier you get.

Fuck your parents. Fuck them, fuck them, fuck them, fuck them fuck them fuck themfuckthemfuckthem—

“Hey, Y/N.” Russell grabs your shoulder gently. “Are you okay?”

You realize that you’re basically angry-sobbing in your seat, glaring at all the wedding planning materials while you tremble all over.

Yukio materializes on your other side and hugs you gently. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t!” Russell protests. “She’s crying over a picture of shoes!”

“A lot of women do that.”

“Should we get Piotr?” Ellie asks, ever the voice of reason.

You nod, largely beyond words at this point as you try to wipe off your face and reign yourself in a little now that there are people in the room with you.

Ellie and Yukio head off to track down your fiancé, but Russell stays behind, sitting next to you and gently holding your hand while you –unsuccessfully—try to calm down.

“It’s okay,” he says softly. “It’s gonna be okay. Colossus’ll be here soon.”

You nod, trying to soothe him more than you are yourself at this point, because –honestly—you’re just so angry. It’s like a wound you never realized you had is now ripping open, deeper and deeper, tearing through you until you can’t breathe and all you can do is bleed and rage—

How dare they.

Betrayal. Pure and simple. Betrayed by your parents, betrayed by the town you grew up in, betrayed by the members of the church you were dragged to every Sunday and Wednesday…

Week after week, a community of adults bore witness –to the anti-mutant sermons you were forced to listen to, to the times were the kids in the middle school and high school youth groups would bully you even though you were barely out of first grade yet, to the growing fear with which you reacted to your parents, to the times where you were dragged back to your home by men toting rifles after you’d tried to run away, to the bruises that covered your arms from your father’s abuse, to the bags under your eyes from constantly being afraid and upset, to how you retreated further and further inside yourself as your parents bore down harder and harder on you…

And they did nothing. No one, not once, ever looked at you and decided that you deserved protecting because you were just a kid and couldn’t control your genetic make-up.

How fucking dare they.

You didn’t deserve to hate yourself, you didn’t deserve to feel worthless, you didn’t deserve to believe that you were so unlovable that you’re completely lost at sea in the face of planning your own fucking wedding—

And then Piotr’s kneeling next to you and drawing you into his arms. He’s in his uniform and armored up –he must’ve been overseeing training sessions, and now you feel bad for having inadvertently interrupted him.

“Tische, myshka.” He gently lifts you into his arms, then says something to Ellie before carrying you out of the library.

You wind your arms around his neck and bury your face in the shoulder piece of his uniform. You’re still shaking, borderline hyperventilating as you try to cope with the sheer level of wrath coursing through you. How dare they, how fucking dare they; I was a kid!

And then you’re in the bedroom you share with Piotr.

You’re vaguely aware that the teens have followed you and that they’re setting the wedding stuff on the desks, and then they’re leaving and closing the door behind them—

And then it’s just you and Piotr.

“What’s wrong, myshka?” Piotr murmurs. He armors down before sitting on the bed, carefully settling you in his lap so he can nestle you in his arms. “What has you upset?”

What you want to say is that you’re upset and enraged over the mistreatment you suffered as a child, and that it still extends so far into your life that you’re finding yourself unable to help plan your own wedding because you literally have zero ideas on what you want due to being abused for so long.

What comes out, however…

“I hate them,” you seethe as you sit back. “I hate them so fucking much. I was just a kid, I didn’t fucking deserve to be their punching bag—”

Fortunately, Piotr knows you well enough –and the tragic story of your upbringing—that he can decipher from your rambling that you’re upset about your family. He frowns, sad and concerned, and tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “I am so sorry, moya dusha.”

“I didn’t deserve it,” you insist, almost frantically, as tears sting your eyes. “I didn’t deserve it, I didn’t deserve it, I didn’t fucking deserve it—”

“Konecho net. Never.” He draws you back into his arms, kissing the top of your head and rubbing your back and generally doing whatever he can to soothe you. “You never deserved how they treated you. You never could, and you never will.”

You sob brokenly against your fiancé’s chest. “I can’t even plan my own wedding, Piotr! I don’t even know what I want it to look like!”

And then it all comes pouring out –the panic you’d felt in the library, how it’d morphed into fury as you realized what was causing your utter lack of ideas for your upcoming wedding, how the teens had found you in there, borderline hyperventilating as you’d stared at all the wedding stuff.

Piotr, for his part, just holds you and kisses the top of your head over and over again. “I am so sorry, moya lyubov’. Had I known you would have felt this kind of distress, I would have not left you to work on our wedding details alone.”

“But aren’t most brides supposed to plan the wedding?” you ask as you sniff inelegantly.

“I do not think ‘supposed to’ is right word. I think most brides wind up planning weddings because they have more aesthetic preferences,” Piotr explains. “However, I think it might be better if we work together for most of it. If only so you do not have to deal with your pain alone.”

“But you’ve got job stuff to do,” you whine. “And X-Men stuff, and teacher stuff, and this is gonna take a lot of time—”

“And you are my fiancée and love of my life and future wife and we will find way to make this work,” he insists as he presses his lips against your forehead. “Your well-being is more important than easy schedule.”

You let out a shaky breath. “I just don’t want you to wind up hating me by all the end of this.”

Piotr just holds you tighter and kisses your temple. “Impossible.”

It’s not going to be easy. Even the thought of trying to work on wedding stuff makes your stomach churn with anxiety and unreleased rage.

Nothing in life comes easy, though. And with Piotr by your side –and your friends and newfound family—you know you’ll get through it just fine.

[rrrawrf]

being ace & mormon

so real quick, huge huge huge thanks to @nerdygaymormon for acknowledging in this post that aro/ace mormons are largely ignored by leadership and, i'd add, mormon culture in general. (please go read that post, it is very good.)

i'm making my own post bc the other one was largely about bi erasure, and i don't wanna derail the conversation, but i do wanna talk about how asexuality and mormonism intersect with each other. the other post talked about how bi mormons that are out to family or leadership are often just told to date or interact with only members of the opposite gender, like that's just something you can do as a bi person. (again, please go through the comments and reblogs of that post, it's so necessary.) being ace, and very possibly aro, can mean that people think i can "pass" as straight, especially within the church. this also tends to be true for bisexual members.

i'm out as ace, in the sense that everyone on the internet knows, i made a facebook post, and i think i've told all my siblings and my parents (i'm actually not sure if i talked about it with my younger bros). however, i've never actually mentioned it to other members in meatspace (besides my family), because i really don't think that the different bishoprics or leadership i've met would really get it.

YSA wards, as we all know, are notorious for never shutting up about dating and marriage. even people actively seeking out their eternal spouse are sick of it. but honestly, family wards also push it pretty hard, just kind of in a different way (post-marriage and roles of spouses, generally). and i know i'm preaching to the choir, but i'm tired of it, too, because it's just pushing the same heteronormative, nuclear family, that it has since we stopped polygamy.

i always hesitate to speak up about ace stuff for a couple reasons. i don't get very involved in the queerstake on here, or in queer groups irl, bc i rarely feel like that's okay or that my views are as important because people so rarely talk about asexual people or issues outside of all the uber overly cheerful positivity posts on tumblr about how valid we all are. honestly, kinda sick of hearing how valid i am, but nothing else. (absolutely not a knock against anyone in queerstake, my inactivity is just my fault.) i'm an inclusionist, i believe aro/aces belong in the queer community, but i also always hesitate to say that we're oppressed on the same level as others in the acronym. again, because if you're just asexual (like me), it's really easy to just pass as a straight person who just ~hasn't found the right person~ yet. we don't have laws against us, or lack rights, but like... we've always been here. tumblr is notorious for insisting aces aren't queer. aro/aces are mocked, dismissed, and sometimes suffer corrective rape and other abuses. and so many times i go to church and hear another marriage talk and i sit there and wonder, what's my place in this church, then?

i'm 27. maybe i will get married to a guy. my patriarchal blessing says one day i'll be looking for a man to take me to the temple (????????? ok). but i'm 27. i don't want to date. i don't want a marriage with sex. i don't find any human sexually attractive. and at 27, i'm pretty darn sure the problem isn't that i just haven't found the right person yet, like every frickin aro/ace person has been told. so according to the doctrine as we know it now, and as i myself am now, i'm not eligible for the highest level of celestial glory.

so what's my place? none of us wants to compromise our identity, but sometimes it feels like church culture is asking us to do that. i've been extremely lucky in my life - i've never been assaulted, i've never been molested, i've never really experienced the kind of prejudice or attacks that other people, mormon and/or queer and/or female and/or just being alive, have. but i've heard comments i'm sure a lot of ace people have.

my mom - reacted fairly well, i think, but said, "well, don't label yourself, because you never know and do you really need everyone to know?"

my next-older sister - again, reacted fairly well, but said, "our friend said something like that, but now she's married!"

an investigator i met on tumblr a few years ago - "wow it must be so easy for you, you don't have to deal with sexual temptation. also, missionaries said that if you don't marry in this life, you'll find your mate in the next life anyway."

and i'm sure there's more. there's always more. people act like being ace is a terrible, unfortunate thing to have happened to me. and then people who say, "you'll meet the right one :)" might even be right, but then here's our next hurdle.

i don't think i'll want or enjoy sex. and i can't really just 'try it out,' because i feel like that would just be a mockery of the temple and doctrine we've been given (this is different than people who have had premarital sex for whatever reason; this is just my views on my situation).

this is really long and rambly and i think i might've lost my point, which is - i feel forgotten a lot of the time when it comes to being ace. rep is scarce and seen as unnecessary, and in the church, i feel like no one even knows we exist. and if they do, it's something we can just get over, suck it up, get married in the next life and ignore this part of yourself because you want eternal salvation, right? and the only goal worth attaining for everyone is eternal marriage to get the top tier. and once you find ~The One~ then everything will be magically fixed.

i don't want to find the one. i'm just tired of being forgotten, and i'm tired of being silent because other people have it worse.

[believe-in-the-unbelievable]

So I need to entrust some emotions on the internet for a minute here Bc I don’t rly have many personal friends that like talking about religion/spirituality stuff, and/or some i just don’t know their stance on, but like

I’ve been really distressed and sad for months and months now whenever it comes to what my heart wants to believe, what the majority of others believe, and what appears to be the truth of things.

I want, very much, in my heart, to believe in the existence of all deities. And to believe that they all love us, and are looking out for us, and want the best for us. No matter what our culture/s, where we live in the world, or anything like that. Even if I never actually have any interactions, sought out or otherwise, with, say, Japanese gods, I don’t like the idea of them turning me, or anyone else away, just because you’re not Japanese and/or living in Japan. I love and respect them because I consider them family, and I want them to see me in the same way. And all of us.

I want, in my heart, to not believe that Satan is this Horrible Person That Wants Your Souls and blah blah blah

Nor do I want to believe demons are here to try and make that happen, or always only want to scare you and terrorize you and ruin your life.

I want to believe basically the Lucifer (show, lol) version of things. Where he had to learn and grow (and I’m sure still does so) just as much as any of us. Where he’s not bad, or maybe struggles with that all the time, but still isn’t technically Evil or whatever. And demons are, or at least have the potential to be, just the same.

But, at the same time, when you constantly see and hear things about people’s experiences with things they shouldn’t mess with like Ouija boards, or sometimes even just paranormal investigating as safely as possible, hearing about bad experiences with things that sure don’t sound like only ghosts or spirits, it can feel hard to think maybe the truth isn’t as dark and scary as these stories are.

I want there to be something after we die. The thought that you just end, depresses me, and it always has and probably always will.

I don’t really care what awaits us, wether we reincarnate (the idea definitely sounds cool and sure seems to have a lot of cases that proves it’s happened before), still atone for whatever bad things we’ve done in one way or another in life, but genuinely want to become better as a race, and reincarnate to try and do just that, wether, eventually, some deity or deities come to make us immortal and we just live in legit peace and happiness for forever or smthn, like some kind of Bible Revelations shit, which I can’t say doesn’t sound unappealing to me or not make me happy at the thought of, I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want something, and I don’t want it to be sad. It would be great if we didn’t have to go through a sad period that separated the “Good” people, or “good people that believe this specific thing” from the “Bad” people, or if we at least didn’t have to have something sad and horrible happen to get to that happy ending, whatever it is. But I do understand sometimes sad and awful things have to happen before you can get to the happier ending. But I definitely hate, with a fiery passion, the idea that only people that accept one religion the way the majority of people WANT them to accept it, won’t get that happy ending, just because.

But then you’ve got so many people shoving in your face proof of the End Times and shit like that.

I don’t want this to be the end times. I’m 22. I’m young. There’s so much I want to do while I’m alive. There’s so many wonderful new generations coming. I want to see them blossom and grow, and make this sometimes awful world a better place. We’ve barely started to get our shit together, and it doesn’t even seem like we’ve been here for all that long when you think about it.

And it sucks, too, because I feel like I’m not really gonna be able to ever get any kind of irl interaction that gives support to that at all.

On one hand I’m certainly not a typical Christian. I don’t even call myself one anymore, but it’s not like I don’t wanna like certain things about it. And the truth, not what the majority of the believers tend to try and push. (I know not all of them are horrible, that’s why I say the majority Bc I was once in it and unfortunately know first hand just how true that is.)

On the other hand I’m not really a typical Heathen or Pagan either.

And on the third hand, I’m not straight, nor am I cis.

So, yeah, maybe I could eventually go to a church that’s LGBT friendly once I get my own way of being able to get to one separate from the phobic, sexist, racist churches my parents want to go to all the time. But will they shun me for wanting (and actively being) open to other beliefs too?

My parents, already being phobic, sexist, and racist as they are, are also the type of supposed Christians that I can’t stand, abusive, and try to be controlling. If I don’t want to go to church for perfectly understandable reasons, pray in the typical way they deem acceptable, or read my Bible all the time, they flip their shit and just assume I don’t believe anymore. That I’m being “rebellious against god”. And yeah, I am being rebellious lol. But against them, not god. 😒 I’m 22, and last year my mom threatened to kick me out of the house (that’s not hers), just because I don’t, and never really liked, expressing my belief in those ways. (It was an empty threat to try and scare me into doing them btw, don’t worry. They’re emotionally and verbally manipulative and abusive like that, but I’ll get out when I can, for now I just sadly have to deal with it for now and try to avoid the topic as much as possible.)

I know I know myself, that my parent’s voice don’t matter more than anyone else’s, and that what other’s say doesn’t matter. But I’m still human. I still don’t like hearing that I’m rejecting god just because of X Y Z. Because someone doesn’t approve of, or like, what I’m doing or how I’m doing it. I hate that kind of entitlement.

I don’t hate any religion. I don’t disbelieve any religion. Regardless of what I like the sound of, personally, or not. The only thing I hate are intollerant and cruel people, narrow minded or not.

But sometimes it just feels really dizzying, I guess. I know perfectly well that I can think and believe whatever my heart desires, it’s just been saddening me a lot for months now, that I have no idea of or when I’ll ever be able to have the chance to get support for when I’m having a hard time, like I am now, with someone I can actually interact with face to face. The internet’s amazing and great, but sometimes you’re just so surrounded by the opposite in your actual life that it would feel a lot better to have it around.

You’re welcome to relate, or comment, or reblog, or just leave something nice~. It would certainly help a lot right now ♥️

[the-next-miss-american-trash]

I have something to confess- something to get off my chest. If my friends, online and irl, see this and are concerned, just know that I should be alright with a good night's rest and some water. And maybe a few jokes.

Because this shit is serious.

Trigger warning for religion, depression mention, physical/emotional abuse.

I wish mobile had the [Read More] option so I could put it here, but oh well. At least I'm on mobile because that means it's a good sign. But to start: I've been in a bad spot when it comes to my religion, though it wasn't always like this. When I was little, my parents were introduced to Catholicism and it changed their whole lives around, which was when I was about 2. I don't quite remember those years (according to my parents, their relationship was nuclear), but with a religious upbringing, I became like a poster child for it. I loved it. I did altar service, I did choirs, I did retreats, I watched movies, I took classes, everything.

I should have been fine.

Come 13 I had my first touch with depression. And with that, came small doubts about God. I'll come back to my thoughts on that, because what really mattered was how I stopped wanting to go to church. Mostly because I was lazy. However, living with strict parents meant that I could not say no. I had no right to say no. I lived under my parents roof, under their rules, so we had to go to church every Sunday. I started to resist. Only problem was, the more I resisted, the harsher the punishment. Television, phone, social privileges were taken away. I was spanked, I was dragged, I was thrown, all to force me to go to church. If I did not go, I never knew what sort of punishment I was going to be met with.

It wasn't just about not going either. I didn't want to pray with them, and I no longer participated in things. Every single thing I mentioned that i loved to do in church, I rejected. I don't like going to confession either. See, my parents always said it was a sin if I missed receiving the communion or going to church. And there were times I did, and they forced me to go to confession. And I had to lie to the priest that I went of my own free will. There's even this specific memory where I was in another depressive episode, and in wanting to take a mental health day (like one should if they're healing) I skipped out on Church. My parents were furious, and would not let me explain. I was hit. I did not get better.

By that point, I was traumatized to go to church. I had been traumatized from saying no.

From then on, I wanted nothing to do with Catholicism. I still believed in God, but I wanted nothing to do with God, or religion, or my family. My irl friends might remember this because this was around the time when I told them my parents would not let me go Christmas caroling with them until I went to confession, and I refused to go to confession. All these feelings persisted to this year.

Jumping back to when I was 18 however, they finally granted me my wished and stopped forcing me to go. You cannot even begin to imagine the relief I felt. I could say no. I could sleep in. I could relax. I no longer had to live in fear of every Sunday to come around.

Or so i thought. They still ask. If I'm ever up early, they try to convince me to come with them (so i could repent) because it would make them so so happy that I'll be "back on the right path". So I started to sleep in.

I continue to get into arguments because I've never brought up this up to them. They don't understand the concept of depression, of emotional abuse- verbal abuse- of trauma. I'm too scared of them to tell them. Because they will still hit me, and now they get the added bonus of kicking me out of the house.

... I had a reason for bringing all this up... Oh yeah. Just recently, my dad asked me to join the family so we could do a rosary (because it's Advent, and during this season we pray and repent and prepare for the birth of Jesus and all that). And every single time they ask me to join them in something religious, I still have the fear to straight up tell them no. And with good reason. Because I whined, and he became annoyed, and then I said no. So he took my phone, and I yelled at him for how unfair it was. It was too fast for me to remember what we said or did, but he got so mad that he continuously spanked me. It hurt so much worse than when my mom does it, that I was screaming. Not crying. I even kicked him to try to get him away- and I never kick. I never fought this. And it wasn't until my two younger siblings ran in screaming and crying at my dad to stop that I realized how bad this was.

We kept arguing. He kept yelling about me never respecting him and doing stuff for him. He kept trying to deny he's hit me before. He kept trying to deny me admitting my trauma. He denied anything and everything I said- that he was wrong, this wasn't right, it wasn't fair, that I had a right to say no, that he's hurt me before, that it was wrong to spank us. He almost threw me out of the house. And when he left my room to deal with my siblings, my eyes landed on a picture of Jesus hanging in front of me and I pulled it down. I was hurt. I blamed god, I blamed my dad, I was hurt I was mad I was crying. I asked why did i deserve this. If this was my punishment for not believing anymore. But then it became desperation as I begged him for forgiveness, that I repented. To make it stop hurting, to make him realize that he's wrong, to save my siblings from this toxic household- because when my dad went to talk with them my little brother ran into the bathroom and threw up from how overwhelmed he was. I haven't prayed so hard in ages.

And then, for the first time ever that I could see it, God answered my prayer. My dad came back, with my two siblings in tow, crying, and sat us all down. He got on his knees and begged for our forgiveness. He acknowledged that the things he said was from the anger, he acknowledged his actions, he acknowledged what I had said about how God would not want this. He acknowledged his horrific behavior and apologized. It was then that I could see God working through us. I had never been able to see this so clearly before. My dad acknowledged how he would have to go to confession again, because if God could forgive him, then he should have been able to when we disobeyed.

And my dad accepted that I could not forgive him at that moment.

It hurt. To see him so broken over this. It hurts to see my siblings so broken over this. But I finally have the courage to take a stand for myself and admit that, after so many years of just taking the abuse. So I told him that I could not forgive him right now.

I thought maybe I chose wrong not to say yes, but as soon as I stood up I was in so much pain from where I was hit. It still hurts. So it serves as a reminder why I cannot forgive him right now. And while I'm at it, I can't forgive my mother, because she would do the same, without the awareness to apologize.

... I was gonna mention how I had felt hopeful that I can get back into religion, but just relaying all this back... I'm not feeling so optimistic anymore. Because, I saw that God heard me, but our family is far from mendable... I'm still not okay.

[supercasey]

RvB Character’s SSBU Mains

BGC CREW ---------------- Church: Sonic main. Is convinced that playing as Sonic is "meta" and that somehow it means he's a pro. Sore loser. Swearing and screaming the entire match, even if he's winning. Caboose: Kirby/Incineroar main. People tend to leave him alone during matches because he seems unskilled/too sweet, but if he gets his hands on you you're fucked. Tucker: Classic Link main. Has mastered bombs, up B, and nothing else. He'd be better at the game if he focused on fighting rather than flirting. Sister: Pikachu/Isabelle main. Down B is life as Pikachu. Closest of the BGC to pro other than Tex. You think she'd be flirting but she's here to win. Abuses the Isabelle glitch for as long as she can. Tex: Dark Samus/Falco main. Will backhand you if you mention Zero Suit Samus. Is a pro but also a show off in the most subtle of ways. Is the only one who's beaten Carolina and she's way too proud of it. Sarge: Bowser/Ridley main. Suicides as Bowser and side B's himself to death constantly as Ridley. Will complain that there's "too many fighters" and mutter about how he misses the N64 version (despite not maining any of those characters). 1v1’s Grif and loses every time. Simmons: Chrom/Roy main. "Roy's our boy!" Can't get himself back on the map to save his life. Waits for everyone to thin themselves out before swooping in to finish them off. Gets mad when Grif mistakes which character he is. Grif: Wario/Yoshi main. Plays Wario when he's just goofing around, but he'll switch to Yoshi if you piss him off/challenge him. Used to be pro but hated how competitive it was. Typically takes second or third place in full BGC matches, but almost always first in Red Team matches. Donut: Peach/Kirby main. Can play fairly well on most of the characters but he loves Peach the most. Has mastered charge attacks but rarely uses them. Side B is life as Peach. Endless vore jokes as Kirby. Lopez: ROB main. Would be a lot better if he gave a damn, but he's typically just a stand-in player. If left alone, he'll rewire his controller into something else entirely. Hogs items. Can't land his FS for shit.

Doc: Dr. Mario/Mr. Game & Watch main. Pretends to think that the game is too violent but secretly loves it. An unforgiving monster as G&W. Sucks as Dr. Mario but refuses to give up on him. If he gets an item run away at all costs. FREELANCERS ---------------------- Carolina: Fox/Zero Suit Samus main. Primary plays Fox but will switch to ZS Samus for shits and giggles. Is impossible to get off the map and will bully you into a corner. Hates items. Will get pissed if killed by items. Washington: Villager/Wolf main. Only mained Wolf in PFL, now he plays as the Villager because he finds it fun. Absolute monster if he's put into a small space with someone. Can switch to Random and still get in the top three. York: Duck Hunt/Pit main. Is just here to have a good time/troll. Loves when items are on. Spams his FS and always gets someone with it. Actually not that great with his A moves but he still gets by. Maine: King Dedede/Meta Knight main. Cannot believe no one got the Meta joke until it was too late. Terrible in the air but terrifying on the ground. Hogs all the items. Mad that no one wants to play with Spirits on. North: Ice Climbers main. Never loses his other ice climber. Will throw himself off the map if he loses his other ice climber. Arguably the least aggressive player but he's still fairly good. Misses when his main was OP back in Melee. South: Bayonetta main. You know why she mains her. Fucking incredible with her side attacks but falls off the map a lot. Doesn't pay attention to surroundings. Will deck you irl for spamming items. CT: Sheik/Snake/Greninja main. Loves the "stealth" characters even though there's no stealth. Hides for most of the game before jumping in at the end, only to lose. If she goes down, you're coming with her. Wyoming: Ryu/Snake main. Hates the game but hates sharing a main with CT even more. Spams aerial moves until he accidentally falls off the map. Fairly decent aim, but still can't land a single FS.

Florida: Wii Fit Trainer/Pac-Man main. Terrible at getting back on the map but even worse at melee fighting. Is arguably the worst at this game but the scary shit he says while playing keeps anyone from saying anything about it. CHORUS KIDS --------------------- Felix: Bowser Jr/Shulk main. Insufferable asshole who targets whoever's losing and destroys them. Lands FSs without even trying. Tried going pro but got banned from all the tournaments. Locus: King K Rool/Lucario main. Really fucking good at the game because it's all he plays. Has unlocked all the spirits. Refuses to use spirits. Waits until there’s only one person left so he can 1v1 them. Kimball: Palutena/Samus main. Is here to have a good time. Didn’t grow up with a lot of video games but she’s still fairly good. Enjoys ganging up on Doyle. Can actually take Carolina in a fight but doesn’t want to.

Doyle: Luigi main. Has never once played a video game but is still reasonably okay. Runs away at the first sign of a FS. Spams items out of fear. Humble loser.

Dr. Grey: Jigglypuff main. Acts like a cryptid for a majority of the match (you only see her when she’s grabbing items). Manages to catch everyone- even in an eight player free for all- with her FS. Worryingly quiet.

Palomo: Captain Olimar/Young Link main. Isn’t even good with YL but he wanted to match Tucker’s main (much to Tucker’s annoyance). Terrible at refreshing his Pikmin stock. Brags hardcore when he wins (not that it happens a lot).

Jensen: Daisy/Lucas main. You’d think she’d take it easy on people but she goes for the kill. Unabashedly goes for Palomo out of anger and spite. Do not test her. Forgets to use her FS despite being reminded that she has her’s ready.

Smith: Mario/Pokemon Trainer main. Doesn’t care that Mario’s FS is shit, he’s here to have fun. Will back off if he’s wailing on someone too hard. Cries on the inside when his Pokemon are knocked out as PT.

Bitters: Ness/Mewtwo main. The best out of the Chorus Kids, it isn’t even much of a competition anymore. Loves taking on Grif and/or Carolina because it’s a challenge. Sometimes shows off but he earned it tbh.

Matthews: Kirby/Little Mac main. Just here to have fun. Will hide by Bitters even if it’s not a team match. Side B’s to his death as LM. Really good with items and cries when Bitters won’t turn them on.

BONUS EXTRAS ------------------------

The Director: Mario/Cloud main. Only playing because Carolina guilt-tripped him into it. Gets upset when he can’t figure out where he is in a crowded brawl. Is decent at the game because Allison made him play the older versions back in the day, but still not great. Yells a lot.

The Counselor: Mega Man main. Only plays MM because he recognizes him. Refuses to switch despite sucking as MM. If he lands a FS he gets way too proud about it. Low-key threatens to fire any Freelancer who really gangs up on him.

The Chairman: Ganondorf main. Hates this game more than anything else. Is infuriatingly slow and even when he reaches someone, he forgets to attack/misses. Doesn’t know how to FS and everyone hates him too much to explain it. Rage quits.

Sharkface: Inkling main. Blue Inkling all the way. Keeps forgetting to reload his ink. Stays as a squid and hops around the entire game. Surprisingly wholesome and has more fun than anyone else playing, despite never winning. Paints people blue and laughs.

Vic: ??? Random main. Talks non-stop the entire game and it’s the most infuriating thing. Wonderful at recovery, even on characters with shit recovery. FSs way too much.

((I’m fine with constructive criticism, but this was all made in good fun, so please don’t flip out about who plays who too much. Please note that I’m not caught up. I’ve only seen up to RvB13 and a few RvB14 episodes, but not many. Feel free to add future characters. Hope you all enjoy this!))