#the roomba just tried to eat my chair | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moemoemammon · 3 years

Note

I just found ur blog and read thru some of ur stuff and im in love !! Ur writing is nice to read, and always gives a nice picture of the situation

If its aight, could u do some headcannons for the demon bros Finding out mc goes real hard on housekeeping ? Im talking fast and good cleaning, does chores without problems, propably even cleans after them (totally doesnt mother them in anyway), all without complaint, mc just cares

Housekeeper MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

The fact that he didn't have to shove a mop and bucket into your hands like the evil stepmother has him like 👀👀

Out of every person he's met, you and Barb are the only ones that actually enjoy cleaning? And now he's wondering if you've been influenced by him in some way because got damn are those floors sparkling-

Ever since you've arrived, the house has been immaculate. But as much as he enjoys that, he worries that you aren't leaving enough chores for his brothers to do.

They're gonna be lazy at this rate, especially if you keep cleaning up after them like that. He's planning to sit you down and have a good talk about how you should rest a bit, and- D...did you polish his desk????

"MC... as grateful as I am to you, I thought I asked you to rest? You don't have to clean every little thing in this house. You're here as our guest, and more, so I won't have you behaving like a maid. But if you're that interested in keeping your hands busy, you may feel free to maintain my desktop. It looks as good as new, thanks to you."

Mammon

Oh, so you're one of THOSE types, huh? The goody goodies that like to make everything clean and sparkly, huh?? Well don't expect him to help ya!

Was an asshole at first. Made messes to see if you'd clean them, tried to dump his chores on you, etc. But now that you've stolen his heart? Yeah, he wants you to sit down.

You're messing up your hands with all that time spent scrubbing crevices and dusting ugly old paintings, when you could be spending time with him!

Tch, that's it! If it's chores that're keeping you from looking his way, he'll just finish them before you can do anything! Checkmate!

"You're always scrubbin' somethin'! Let my brothers take care of the messes, while YOU sit down and watch this movie with me! Ain't no point in watchin' it by myself, so I ain't takin' no for an answer!" "Huh?? Waddya mean 'when was the last time I vacuumed'??"

Levi

Oi oi oi...! What do you think you're doing with that feather duster?! You don't think you've got the right to approach his figures with it, do you?! WRONG!

But you quickly discover how ticklish Levi is, and he squirms out of your way while watching in horror as you... delicately handle every figure? And dust them from top to bottom, without so much as an accessory out of place..?

Wait... are you seriously okay with picking up all that trash?? S-some of it's sticky from all the junk food, and- Gah! Don't go messing around in his closet!!!

Yeahhh Levi doesn't let you clean his room lmao. It's way too stimulating to watch you carefully touch every surface in his room... I-it's like you're heaven everything with your presence, and...

"S-so yeah! The only things you're allowed to clean are the figures and the outside of Henry's tank! Nothing else, got it?! Anything more and I seriously won't be able to handle it...I won't even be able to sit still in my own room......." 👉👈

Satan

Satan found it funny how willing you were to take up every little chore there was to be done in the house and he's got to admit, reading is much more enjoyable in a tidy environment.

But what he REALLY wants to know is how you managed to dust off every single book in the house, his room included, without him?? Knowing?? And you've done every shelf as well, cleaned out the cobwebs behind it, and even repaired that little tear in the upholstery of his favorite arm chair????

Has also deduced that you're probably the maid character in the books that knows everything. Actually, you're a lot like Barbatos. What secrets are you hiding human 🔫

Just kidding. But yeah, when you insist on dusting his room, he follows you around the room and watches you. You know, just in case you fall or something falls on you! No other reason.

"As much as I like having you here all to myself, it makes me feel bad watching you do that by yourself. Why don't you we clean together? We'll get it done twice as fast, and when we're finished, I'd like to read a book to you. You remind me of a certain character from a murder mystery novel I've started."

Asmo

Eeehhh?!?!? You've seriously managed to organize both his endless skin care product collection, and his ENTIRE wardrobe?!? You're amazing...!

And you don't stop there. You were more than happy to clean his tub for him and everything, and you know how hard it is to get oil off the side of a tub, right? You're a lifesaver!

Asmo casually pawns off his chores too you. Oh, he just did his nails! Can you do the dishes? Ah, he just bought this outfit. Can you take out the trash? He's about to go out with his friends to a party, so be a dear and take care of the common bathroom for him?

Lucifer scolds the shit out of him every time he catches him doing that. You're welcome. But don't think Asmo won't repay you! He'll give you so much love, you'll be drowning in it! Figuratively or literally, depending on your preferences-

"Fufufu... if you wanted my attention, you should've just told me! You didn't have to go tidying up my shoe collection, but I'm happy you did~! If you keep spoiling me like this, I might not be able to keep my hands off of you! Unless... that's what you wanted?"

Beel

Things tend to get pretty messy with Beel around, with the trail of crumbs he always leaves in his wake, and how he manages to get every surface he touches sticky. But you must be a miracle worker...

You're like a living roomba, and his ravenous appetite is no match against your cleaning skills! You seem to predict when the food bits will fall, and it's thanks to you that he can eat without a care in the world!

It's actually kind of scary, though. He'll drop a bite of his sandwich and move down to retrieve it to eat, and... it's gone. Poof. Into the ether of the garbage can...

You can still rest once in a while though, you know? Beel offers to help you with the cleaning, and he's more than happy to let you climb up his shoulders to reach those high places. It makes him happy to know he can lend a hand.

"MC, I already cleaned over here so you don't have to do it. I cleaned there, too. That means you don't have anything else to do, so why don't you have a lunch break with me? It's not good to work so hard all the time."

Belphie

Belphie's one for the more observant brothers, so your clean freak habits didn't go unnoticed. He didn't know if you were obsessed with cleaning, or if you genuinely enjoyed it, but at least you were doing it without a fuss?

And man did you do a good job. Everywhere you cleaned was left with the lingering smell of vanilla and lavender, and... you know, the smell is making him sleepy.

Every pillow his head touches seems especially fluffy, too! When he found out you made a regular habit of washing and fluffing them, and they smell amazing... He feels like he's laying on a cloud...

He won't admit it genuinely, but he really does love what you're doing with the place. It makes him feel a little fuzzy inside when he finds his pillow on his bed, freshly laundered and soft to the touch. He clings to it extra tight those nights.

"You know if you keep this up, I might prefer the pillows to your lap. Ah, but don't worry, I don't really mean it. There's no way a pillow could replace you, no matter how good it smells. I think."

#I can vibe with this because I clean pretty often when I'm stressed and I just generally enjoy most cleaning #obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?#shall we date? obey me!#shall we date obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me writing #obey me scenarios #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie

1K notes · View notes

fandomwriterstuff · 3 years

Text

“Okay, crew,” Chief of Operations Annabeth Chase, a proud Minervan, held the attention of her group as she searched all of their eyes with her own piercing silver ones. “Our new First Officer, you’ve all met him. Peseus Jackson. I know at least two of you are friends with him, and Chief Science Officer DiAngelo is in an involved romantic relationship with him. I need the three of you to give us a run down on humanology so we can welcome our first and only human crew member appropriately and treat him well. My knowledge of humans is limited, but he’s not from the colonies in the Milky Way Galaxy, he’s from actual Terra,” she squeezed her face up in a common Minervan expression of distaste. “My knowledge of Terra is limited to this, which I will share with you now: Terra is a Class 2 Death Planet, humans are apex predators and the dominant species. They are reigned by the chemical imbalances in their brains and can be erratic in behavior because of it. However, despite these things, I have been advised to get a human on our team. So, Valdez, Underwood, DiAngelo: speak.” She leaned back, metallix skin glinting in the energy efficient lighting.

“First off, uh, humans are about a 2.2 on a food chain that goes to a level 5, so I wouldn’t call Percy an apex predator,” Grover Underwood, a satyr from outside the Milky Way Galaxy shuffled his hooved feet. “He’s actually a vegetarian-”

“What’s a vegetarian,” Annabeth cut in, narrowing her eyes.

“Um, well, most humans are omnivores and can eat both plant matter and animal flesh. But, because of personal choices, Percy only eats plant matter,” Grover explained.

“Humans can eat plant and animal matter?” Clarisse grunted.

“Their teeth and digestive systems have adapted to both, yes. But, again, Percy only eats plant matter, so not a scary apex predator. Plus, most humans don’t hunt anymore.”

“We’re getting off track,” Annabeth groaned. “But good to know about plant matter. Valdez, go.”

“Percy is awesome. We lived together in the academy. He is from New York City, where there are no true predators and also no real natural places, so he will adjust just fine to being on a ship for an extended period of time, but he does love his plants and having and caring for houseplants is statistically good for humans. Percy gives his names. So, we should make sure he has a leafy plant or a flower or something,” Leo added, and when DiAngelo nodded in agreement, Annabeth noted down to bring some Terran plants on board. “Also some humans have physical needs,” Leo tilted his head in confusion as he tried to explain it. “Percy uses exercise as a way to exorcise his mental demons, if you will.”

“Mental demons, is he ill? Possessed?” Annabeth cut in.

“No, but it’s how you said. They’re ruled by emotion. If we don’t have a therapist on board, he’ll need to exercise and train and use physical activity as an outlet. I suggest a training regimen with the tactical team,” Grover nodded to Clarisse, their Chief Tactical Officer.

“That can be arranged,” the Martian nodded in agreement.

“DiAngelo, anything to add?” Annabeth turned to their resident Plutonian, who shrugged his shoulders, his large black wings moving in sync with his gesture.

“If anything comes up, I’ll let you know. But if any of you make him feel uncomfortable I’ll make you regret it,” he raised a single eyebrow. His boyfriend was a big tough guy, but he was also a big softy who would pack-bond with a Roomba if he came across it.

“That’s not helpful. But thanks,” Annabeth clenched her hands.

“Oh, one thing,” Nico raised a finger. “Don’t mention that he’s from a Death Planet. Terrans don’t know they’re on a Death Planet. And it will freak him out. Don’t let him know.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Will Solace, their Chief Medical Officer squawked. “He doesn’t know he’s from a Class 2 Death Planet?”

“You don’t know you’re adaptable until you meet people who aren’t. And you don’t know you’re on a death planet until you leave it. He’ll figure it out, but don’t bring it up right away. Humans get flooded with negative hormones when their worldview is altered until they come to terms with it, and it would negatively affect his physiology and performance to be shocked like that,” Nico elaborated.

“Okay…” Annabeth sighed. “We’ll meet him tomorrow. I will see you all then and you better be on your most professional behavior.”

Nico smirked. It would surely be interesting. Everyone had preconceived notions and prejudices about humans and while Percy was a big and tough human who could kick your ass with one hand tied behind his back, he would also do anything for those he cared about and was a huge dork. And he definitely knew he was on a death planet.

So, when Percy arrived, and Nico had decorated his room with houseplants and blue blankets and decor, he was overjoyed. He would miss his Golden Pothos (lovingly named Billingsly), and his Snake Plant (William Snakespeare), and he was glad to still have plants in his life. Nico had even gotten him a plant light so they would stay alive!

He was glad to see Leo again, and Grover was his best bud so that was cool. He also got to meet Grover’s long time girlfriend Juniper, who was also a herbivore and lived solely on plant matter. The pilot, Jason Grace, was a Jovian who Percy had already formed a bro bond with, and he had taught Jason all about handshakes and high fives. He’d met Will Solace, the only person other than Nico who actually knew about human physiology. He did have to explain to Will that he had ADHD and dyslexia, so the CMO had decided to get some more Terran books on those to more adequately treat his patients. It was nice. Clarisse was a hard ass but Percy loved training with her. She taught him about more weapons than they even had at the Academy, and taught him hand to hand in various different styles.

Annabeth was confusing. Percy was convinced she didn’t like him, but he could also tell she was trying very hard not to offend him.

Probably because everyone was terrified of humans. Earth was the Australia of space after all. So, he knew that him smiling all the time was taken as a sign of aggression, like animals baring their teeth. He knew the laughter he so often emitted freaked others out because it was a non-translatable noise that nobody understood.

Percy knew they were trying, but they just didn’t know or care to know enough about Earth to understand him.

So, that’s how he ended up using plain water as a contact solution because he ran out of saline eight days ago. It’s not like he could ask Will if he could use medical grade saline for something so silly. So Percy sat in his commander chair and rubbed roughly at his eyes as they itched and fluttered.

“Commander Jackson, are you well?” Annabeth called from her position nearby, though it was loud enough for others to turn. He pulled his fists away from his reddened eyes and irritated skin.

“Oh, yeah. But my contacts have been bothering me. I ran out of solution and have been using plain old water to clean and store them in,” Percy sighed and rubbed his fingers under his eyes to readjust them.

“Contacts?” Annabeth asked, confused.

“Yeah, hold on,” Percy pulled his contacts case out of his satchel and, in an agonizingly amusing moment, he pulled his lower lid down and used his fingers to pull the contacts out and put them into the case. He heard the gasps around him and retching noises, but couldn’t see the horrified faces until he put his glasses on.

“Holy Father Pelor,” Nyssa, another Vulcan like Leo, gulped. “Did he just… remove a piece of his eyes?”

Percy pretended to be surprised, because this was just another thing to add to the “Death Planet” list: Humans can remove pieces of their visual organs when they become irritated. He loved messing with them.

“Percy, I thought I told you not to remove those in front of anyone,” Nico joined in, rolling his eyes in a very Terran gesture.

“They were bothering me, you know when they get itchy and dry it’s just easier to take them out.”

“So what are the glass and metal contraptions you wear now?” Nyssa asked against her better judgement.

“When I remove the contacts, I lose my ability to see clearly and I need glass lenses to alter my vision enough to function,” Percy explained.

“So, you removed an imperative part of your eye, and then you couldn’t see, so you made a prism that reflects light in such a way that it imitates the top layer of your eye?” Annabeth questioned.

“Essentially, yes.” He was hesitant to tell them that contacts were not a part of him, and were in fact, a foreign object. How would they react to the fact that he was actually terribly nearsighted and had to physically put pieces of flexible plastic in his eye orifices to see?

“Fascinating,” she nodded, as if agreeing with the new information. “Disgusting, but fascinating.”

#percy jackson #nico di angelo #will solace #nicercy #percico #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #annabeth chase

22 notes · View notes

sareyen · 3 years

Text

To my roomba with love (Cherik)

Read on ao3

There are a lot of things that Erik loves about Charles. He loves all of the obvious things; Charles’s kindness, his intelligence, his laughter, his eyes. He also loves the little private things; the way Charles sneaks Erik his unwanted tomatoes, his warbled opera singing in the shower, that sensitive spot on his hip.

And he loves the silly things about Charles, especially the way the man has a habit of talking to inanimate objects when he thinks no one is looking. Charles has conversations with the kettle, the washing machine, and their roomba – and every time Erik eavesdrops on him, he falls in love with the man a little bit more.

***

It was a Sunday morning, somewhat late by Erik’s standards, the man’s fatigued body allowing him a few extra hours of sleep after a hectic business trip. Erik had barely gotten any sleep between meetings and flights, and when he had arrived back home to a half-asleep Charles he only had enough energy to shirk off his clothes before collapsing into bed beside his husband.

Still, despite his tiredness, Erik’s body woke him as the sun tried to filter into the bedroom, the single slither of sunlight enough to rouse him. Erik had surprisingly awoken to an empty bed, the patch of mattress dripped in the shape of Charles still warm.

Erik had pulled himself out of bed groggily, tugging on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, before quietly padding out of the bedroom in search of his missing husband. Erik stifled a yawn as he meandered through the hallway, ears pricking up at the sound of clinking glasses in the kitchen.

“Good morning, Miss Kettle,” a whispered voice sounded from the kitchen as Erik neared, consonants soft and vowels gentle like the morning sun drifting through the parted curtains. The voice made Erik pause, the last of his sleep ebbing away. His silent steps came to a stop, Erik lingering outside the threshold of the kitchen and leaning against the plaster wall, small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Please work hard again today,” Charles said quietly, and Erik could imagine the man tapping the side of the kettle as he filled it with water. “You’re going to have to work double since Erik is back. Yes, yes, I know you’re getting old now, but you still do your job perfectly. Oh, of course! Your water comes out perfectly boiled, steaming and wonderful. Don’t sell yourself short, I’m not willing to sell you yet myself. You’ve been with us since my first PhD, I’m quite attached to you, you know. Oh, pish posh, I won’t have you belittle yourself like that, young lady.”

Erik covered his laugh with his hand, heart fluttering as he heard the water begin to boil and whistle.

“Shh, shh, shh, darling! You’ll wake Erik up,” Charles chided in a whispered tone as the kettle’s shrill cry rolled to a full boil, the light clatter of metal against metal cutting the sound off as Charles pulled ‘Miss Kettle’ from the stovetop. “We have to be quiet, I want to let him catch up on his sleep. He was so exhausted last night, we should let him lie in, hm? He’s been working so hard for us lately, he deserves a break.”

A surge in the desire to run into the kitchen and smother Charles with kisses thrummed through Erik, making his toes curl into the soft carpet. Erik contained himself, however, but let himself peek around the corner just in time to catch Charles pouring the boiling water into two mugs - a magenta one with a red E on the side, and a matching dark blue cup with a yellow C.

Erik was entranced as he watched Charles dunk the tea bags a few times, adding a dash of milk to each, his husband soon picking up both mugs and turning back to the kettle.

“Thank you for your hard work once again, Miss Kettle,” Charles murmured, the smile on his face reaching his azure eyes, making his sleep-rumpled visage and fluffy bedhead all the more endearing. “I’ve got to go see if Erik is awake yet, so good bye for now.”

With that, Erik quickly but silently tiptoed his way back to the bedroom, sliding into bed and closing his eyes, controlling his mouth’s urge to grin as he feigned sleep.

Charles soon entered the room, and Erik heard the light clack of a mug being placed on his bedside table, followed by the warm feeling of a kiss being pressed to his forehead.

Opening his eyes, Erik let himself smile as he was met with Charles’s beautiful face, the man’s red lips parting in muted surprise.

“Good morning, Liebling,” Erik said, Charles smiling as he leaned down once again, this time kissing Erik on the lips as he set down his own cup of morning tea to crawl onto the bed, weight of his thighs pressing against Erik’s sides.

“Morning, Erik,” Charles sighed against Erik’s mouth. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No,” Erik said, pulling Charles close to him. “Not at all.”

***

The washing machine beeped angrily, and Erik heard Charles curse under his breath, pausing in front of the laundry door on the way to the garage to head out on his daily run. Halfway through fastening his watch, Erik smiled as he heard his husband curse again, not too dissimilar from the way that tongue had curled around a moaned ‘Fuck’ during Erik’s early morning cardio session in bed.

“Don’t make that noise at me, young man,” Charles continued, followed by the noise of more buttons being pressed. “I know it’s early, but I need you to wash these bed sheets, otherwise your father and I will be sleeping on a barren mattress tonight.”

Erik had to bite back the chuckle that threatened to spill from his lips as Charles seemed to wrestle with their temperamental washing machine. The machine was somewhat new - a housewarming gift from Raven - but Charles had struggled to get used to the high-tech device that had options other than just warm wash and cold wash.

It was at times like this, though, that made Erik wonder about having children. Erik had never thought about having kids, about even settling down enough to even consider having them. Having lost his parents young, Erik had always been by himself, not growing attached to places or people, moving between cities and beds.

But then he had met Charles, and everything changed.

Charles had given him a home, back when he was still an undergrad and living in a shitty walk-up that didn’t have a working heater. That apartment had been their first home together, even if at the time Erik was adamant that they were no more than fuck buddies. But fuck buddies turned into friends, then into roommates, to boyfriends, to fiancés and, finally, to husbands.

They hadn’t thought about becoming parents, though. Charles had his hands full with his students, and at times it felt like he already had dozens of kids. And yet, sometimes, Erik would catch him like this, calling their furniture and their appliances his children, and Erik their Papa and…

Erik’s heart squeezed tight.

“Your father’s about to go on a run, you should get a little exercise too,” Charles chirped, punching a few buttons before hopping onto his toes to get the liquid washing detergent from the shelving above. Erik peered around the corner in time to catch the slight glint in Charles’s eye, the twitch in his lips as he thought of something apparently hilarious.

As the barrel inside the washing machine began to turn, Charles gave it a little pat on the lid.

“Good lad, enjoy your spin class,” Charles said, chuckling to himself as Erik’s eyes rolled, though his mouth was curled softly in matched amusement at his silly, adorable, utterly wonderful husband.

Erik was so absorbed in the warm cocoon of his heart that he didn’t notice Charles leaving the laundry, the man almost bumping into right Erik.

“Oh! Erik, you surprised me,” Charles said, not hesitating to slide his arms around Erik’s lithe frame to snuggle him against the wall. Erik’s arms fit around Charles with perfect familiarity, the German man pressing a kiss to Charles’s upturned cheek. “I had thought you already left on your run?”

“I was just about to,” Erik replied softly, Charles tilting his head up further to ask for a kiss, Erik indulging him willingly.

“Bring home some bagels on your way back?” Charles asked hopefully against Erik’s lips, the taller man chuckling.

“Anything for you, Liebling.”

***

When Erik got home from his run, body comfortably tired, he placed the bag of Charles’s favourite bagels on the kitchen counter along with his keys. Glancing around the room in search for his husband, Erik hummed to himself when he saw that it was empty.

Wiping some of his sweat from his face with the hem of his shirt, Erik leisurely made his way through the apartment until he heard the muffled accent of his husband in his study. Erik briefly wondered if the man was talking to Raven or Moira on the phone, but that notion was shot down quickly when Erik looked through the slight gap in the door, silently chuckling.

Charles was sitting at his desk, the papers he had apparently been grading left forgotten as he clapped to himself, the man watching something lazily move across the floor. The thing was near-silent if not for the whisper of a mechanical whir.

“Oh, look at you go!” Charles exclaimed, almost cooing as leaned down on his ornate desk chair, ushering the thing closer. “Come here, girl! Come here! Aw, that’s a good girl!”

The Roomba skittered across the hardwood floors, sucking up the dust and dirt as it went, beginning to approach Charles’s feet. The man giggled as it bumped into his toe, turning in a circle as it recalibrated itself. Charles then laughed at its apparent confusion, now folding himself over to give the device a scratch on its supposed head like it was a puppy.

The Roomba let out a short beep, before turning and sashaying back across the room to find its next pocket of dust.

“My, my, your appetite is quite impressive today,” Charles said, leaning his elbow on the desk as he smiled, watching the Roomba work. “Eat up as much as you can, Roo – you know how Erik is with dust.”

Erik momentarily thought about getting Charles a real dog, imagining his blue eyes widening with love at the tiny creature. He imagined Charles curled up on the couch with the pup on his chest, the two snoozing together. He imagined Charles reading a book with the puppy curled up on his lap. He imagined going on walks with Charles, holding his husband’s hand with his left, the puppy’s leash in the other.

Erik decided that he rather liked those images, filing them away in his mind amongst the many other things he wanted to experience with Charles. Things he would experience with Charles, because they had the rest of their lives to live together, after all. Erik would make sure of it.

But, for now, Erik merely opened the door to the study, Charles immediately looking up with an elated smile on his face, letting out a bright “Erik, you’re home!” Soon, Erik was embracing an armful of Charles, had warm arms draped around his neck, and his favourite pair of berry-red lips on his. “Welcome home, darling. How was your run?”

“Good,” Erik said succinctly, burying his head in Charles’s neck and breathing him in, the man chuckling. Pulling back, Erik kissed Charles on the tip of his nose, his husband’s cheeks warming slightly. “Sorry, I probably smell.”

“You smell like you,” Charles said, nuzzling Erik’s neck in return, and Erik could feel the slope of his husband’s smile against his shoulder. “But, you can go shower. I’ll get the coffee on and reheat those bagels. You did bring the bagels, right?”

“Mm, of course. They’re on the counter,” Erik said, Charles beaming, and disentangling himself with one last kiss to Erik’s cheek.

“Excellent, that’s why I love you, darling,” Charles said, skipping off to the kitchen to claim his bagels, Erik just smiling fondly after him.

Before Erik made his way to the bathroom, he heard Charles begin to speak again, but this time not to him.

No, when Charles spoke he said hello to the coffee machine, good morning to the toaster, and good day to the fridge, while Erik just thought -

And that’s just one of the many reasons why I love you, Charles.

#cherik #Charles Xavier #Erik Lehnsherr #professor x #magneto #X-men #x-men fic #x-men fanfiction #fluff

24 notes · View notes

wanderingsoul210 · 5 years

Text

Ranger Charlie

(This is a story where Charlie meets Mike, a boy who had run away from home and had gotten lost. The 2 wound up even more lost and must work together to avoid dangers, hunters, and to get back to safety. But there seems to be a hidden past behind Mike, and Charlie wants to find out what exactly he’s hiding. If you don’t know, Mike is my Panlie fan kid who “spoiler alert” gets adopted by the Panda and Charlie.)

P.S( Apologies ahead for typos, bad writing, and of course, this weird formatting. I promise I’ll get better, I have to, because the WBB/Panlie fandom is dying fast!)

Chapter 1: The Lost Boy

It was an accident.

That’s all Charlie could think as he walked through the woods in what appeared to be his Ranger uniform. He wore long boots that neared his knees, a tucked in collared shirt along with a sash that contained useful items for being about in the outdoors, and finally a pair of shade sunglasses hung from the base of his collar shirt and a long hat similar to Tabes.

The twigs snapped under his steps as he casually walked through the woods. His eyebrows were burrowed as he was deep in thought, barely even paying attention to his surroundings. The events that had transpired earlier had kept eating away at his mind and he couldn’t help but stay unfocused as he pondered around with these thoughts.

He closed his eyes for a moment and slowly the events replayed themselves in his mind...

-/-

5 hours earlier...

“Right! I’ll let him know right away! Uh-Huh! Yes sir! Goodbye!” Ranger Tabes hung up the phone and looked out into the woods. Her mind filled with worry with what her supervisor just informed her.

She bit her lip and grabbed ahold of her phone before she paused.” This is serious. Do they really think he can handle something like this?” She thought about it for a moment before she shook her head to shake away any doubt.”No! Of course he can do it! If anyone could it would be him...”

She bit her lip as she contemplated her choices.” No one knows the woods like Charlie , so he’ll be perfect, but...this is nothing like our usual rounds. Whoever or whatever is screaming in that part of the woods needs ours help! It could be a deer giving birth, or an injured animal, or worse, a hiker who needs help...!”

Without wasting another second, she grabbed the phone and began to dial someone up...

Meanwhile, the Bears sat on the couch, watching what appeared to be a weird reality show about making urban people survive in rural areas and vice versa.

A guy dressed in overalls and a straw hat watched helplessly as his roomba drove out the front door and began to drive down the street.” My roomba! It’s running away!” He said in a heavy country accent.

Grizz chuckled as the show cut to commercials.” Heh-heh, this show is so crazy! Who comes up with this stuff!?” He said, turning to his bros. Ice Bear shrugs and Panda frowns.” I don’t know, but couldn’t he have just, you know, picked up the roomba an problem solved?” Asked Panda confused.

Grizz just tskd tsk’d and shook his head.

“You just don’t get it,”he says.” Where’s the drama in that? Where’s the action or adventure?” At that moment Charlie stuck his head through the doorframe and turned to the bears.

“Hey y’all, sorry I took so long.” He said as he walked over to the couch.” What’d I miss?”

Panda rolls his eyes and sighs.” Nothing much, just idiots being idiots...” Grizz squints at Panda for a moment before he turns to the tv.” Meh, some guys roomba ran away and now he’s all sad or something...huh, I guess it is kind dumb...” said Grizz.

Panda turns to Charlie and glared at him .

Charlie’s face blushes a bit as he put on a nervous smile.” Uh, what’s up Panda? You look a little...”

“Dude, were you in my room again?”

“Huh?”

Panda sighed and shook his head.” You said you had to ‘drain the main vein’ and that was 15 minutes ago...so what took you so long...”

Charlie was silent for a second before he sputtered.” I...may have clogged the toilet again...and needed...a....really big pillow to unclog it...and stop the water from going to the living room...”

Panda was silent for a moment before he leaned over and peered into the hallway.

His face lit up with anger as he saw the mess in the hallway and the pillow...the pillow!?

“Miki-Chan!”

Panda hopped and pushed pass Charlie as he ran up to the soggy mess and knelt down. His paws shook as he reached down and caressed her face.

Shocks soon converted into anger as he spun around and pointed a finger at Charlie.” Charlie! Why would you do this to my Miki-Chan!?” He cried out causing Charlie to take a step back.

“I-I’m sorry Panda! I thought... I thought she was just a pillow, y’know? I didn’t think...” he sputtered before Panda interrupted him.”Just a pillow!?” Panda let Miki-Chan fall to the ground as he rose to his feet.

“I know she’s not alive, but she’s a better friend than you’ll ever be!” As soon as the words left Panda’s lips, he knew he regretted them. The look of pain on Charlie’s face once he said it. With one final cry he carried Miki Chan off the floor and ran into his room leaving a trail of water behind.

Panda slammed the door and locked it before Charlie ran forward and tried at the the knob.”P-Panda wait! Please! I’m sorry!” Charlie apologizes before pounding on the door.” Please! Let me make it up to you! I-“

“Will you just go away and leave me alone!?” Panda cried out.

And Charlie let his head fall in silence.

He messed up. He knew that. He turned to see Grizz and Ice peeking their heads around the corner. Grizz was the first to step out.

“Hey man, I’m sorry Panda’s acting a little over dramatic with Miki-Chan. He’ll get over it, trust me...” Said Grizz. Charlie just shook his head and looked at the water in the floor.” No, no I should’ve thought about how Panda would feel about this...” Charlie frowned for a moment before sighing.

“Well, I guess I’m gonna head home before I make things worse. Tell Panda that I’m really sorry for all this, and I promise I’ll make it up to him...” Charlie said as he made his way to the front door.

Grizz turned to Ice for a moment before running towards Charlie.” Wait! Charlie, we can fix th-!”

Before Grizz could finish his sentence, a familiar ringtone began to play from the living room. They all paused and turned their heads towards the sound. Grizz walked forward and picked his phone up from the table and looked at who was calling.

“Oh hey, it’s Tabes!” He stated before answering the call.” Hey Tabes!”

“Hey Grizz, Uh, would you by chance happen to know where Charlie would be? It’s kinda urgent...” She stated. Grizz let out a small chuckle.” Sure I do, he’s 3 feet behind me!”

Tabes sat up in her chair at what she just heard. She was relieved that it was much easier to find Charlie than she anticipated. Grizz turned, phone raised up to Charlie’s face, and smirked.” It’s Tabes, she’s asking for you.” Said Grizz.

Charlie looked at the phone and hesitantly grabbed it and raised to his face.

“H-hello?” Charlie stammered, to which he joked when Tabes called his name.

“Charlie! Glad to hear your nearby!” She said, turning on her chair to look at a nearby map.” Listen, I need you to swing by my station as soon as possible.” Charlie burrowed his eyebrows in confusion.” What? Why?” He asked.

“Is it serious? Cause me and Panda just fought and I really want to make it up to hi-“

“There’s no time for that!” She interrupted.” Look, this is serious, probably the most serious mission you’ll get, so please partner, try to get here soon...!” Charlie looked down in silence for a moment before sighing.” Ok, yeah, Tabes, I’m on my way. See you soon...”

Charlie presses the hang up button and turned to Grizz and Ice Bear.

“Well guys, looks like I’ll have to make it up to him another time,” he said followed by a sigh. Grizz frowned.” Thats ok, but is everything ok with Tabes?” He asked.

Charlie shrugged.” I dunno, but she said it was urgent, so I guess I better skidaddle,” and with that he left the cave, stopping at the edge of the clearing to wave goodbye before continuing...

-Present time-

Charlie sat motionless for a while, his eyes closed as he stayed silent. Slowly though, a sound began to ring in his ears which drew him out of his focus. He shook his head before looking around realizing, that this might be what he was looking for.

“Huh, the cries sound like they’re coming from over...there!” He stated as he instantly took off towards the noise. As he ran, the noise began to grow louder with each step. Charlie ran and ran until the sound was in seeing distance. He slowed down to a walk as he approached a clearing. What he saw made his heart drop and his blood freeze.

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed a young human boy around the age of 12. He wore cargo shorts that passed his knees as well as a black shirt and a small back pack. He had scraggly black hair and brown eyes. A look of worry was plastered on his face and he appeared to be filled with fatigue as he weekly struggled to pull his leg free from 2 logs that had somehow managed to trap him.

Charlie kept his distance and watched as the kid manage to pull his leg free before he fell over and landed hard on the ground. It was quiet for a moment before the a small cry came from him. The boy turned over and sat up before examining his ankle by raising his pant leg. Even from the distance Charlie kept, he could see that the ankle was swollen and red.

“Oh C’mon!” The kid cried out, tears welling in his eyes as he tried to stand up, but only fell back down upon feeling the intense pain.” Crap...this is it...I messed up...I should’ve never run away from home...dammit...!”

Charlie knew as a Ranger, it was his job to protect any wild life that needs the help, but did this kid count as wild life? He leaned more against the tree and tried to get a better view, but to his dismay, a twig snapped under his boot causing the boy to snap his head in the direction the sound came from.

“Wh-who’s there!?” The boy cried out with a shaky voice only to get silence as Charlie ducked behind the tree, but it was too late.” Hey! I can see you behind that tree! Pl-please! I need help! I’m hurt! Can you help me...!?”

Charlie’s heart raced as he took a breath and stepped out from behind the tree. The boy looked at Charlie before it dawned on him what exactly he was looking at. His eyes widened with fear as Charlie slowly and carefully walked towards him.

“N-no! Stay back!” He cried out as he tried to crawl backwards, his gaze not leaving Charlie’s as he continued on. “Get the hell away from me! Leave me alone! Someone help! Anyone! Save me!!!”

“Hey, it’s ok little guy...!” Charlie Said causing the boy to shake his head in disbelief. “I’m not gonna hurt you! Calm down, please. I’m here to help...!” The kid stopped moving and swallowed nervously as Charlie knelt down in front of him.

He wasn’t sure what exactly he was staring at, but it spoke to him. And...he was wearing Ranger clothes? What the hell was going on? He thought as he tried to calm down.

“Y-you...you spoke...” The boy sputtered causing Charlie to chuckle.” Well yeah! So can you!” Charlie Said. The boy tried to wrap his head on what was going on.

Was he hallucinating? If so, this was one hallucination he couldn’t see past.

“But...you’re a monster...”

Monster?

That was a new one. Charlie had been called many things, Chupacabra, big foot, heck, even a mysterious creature. But monster?

“I know I’m not the friendliest looking Charlie, but I promise, I want to help you,” explained Charlie as he took off his hat.” That’s my job, to help the helpless...”

The boys fear turned into anger as he scoffed.” I’m not helpless...! I’m...just kinda lost...!” He muttered before Charlie pulled out a gauze from his pouch and wrapped it around the boys ankle. He winced as the pain extended up his leg for a moment before he relaxed as the pain subsided. He looked up at Charlie before turning away.

“But...um...thanks anyways...” He said, causing a smile to break on Charlie’s face.” Aww, shucks! Don’t thank me yet! We still gotta get you back safe and sound...!” The boy nodded his head.

“Yeah, but that should be easy right? Since you know the way?” The boy asked as Charlie helped him slowly stand upright. With a grunt, the boy stood steady on his feet, a slight wobble to his stance.

“Sure Do!” Exclaimed Charlie as he took a few steps back to give the kid some space.” Just follow me and I’ll bring you back to the Rangers Station, er, wait, I don’t think I got your name? What was it?”

“Oh,” the boy looked down quietly for a moment before he chipped up.” It’s uh, Mike...” Charlie gleamed with excitement as they began to walk down the path.” Mike Huh? My name’s Charlie! Or you can call me whatever if that makes you comfortable.”

Mike shook his head.” Nah, Charlie’s a good name for you...it really suits you...” he stated with a smirk. This just seemed to make Charlie more excited as they got to know each other more, so he had to ask.

“Thanks...But um...how did you get wat the heck out here Mike?” Charlie asked.

Mike’s walking slowly came to a halt before he looked up nervously at Charlie.

“I...I was on a hiking trip with my parents...and I guess I kinda split up from the group...and gotten lost...”

Charlie burrowed his eyebrows and frowned.” Oh man! Then we better get back to the station quick! Your parents must be worried sick about you...!” It was after a few moments before Charlie realized Mike had stopped walking and was several feet behind him.

“Hey!” He called as he ran back to him.

“What’s wrong pal?” Mike shook his head as he let his bangs cover his eyes.

“I doubt that...” Mike said with a weak smile. He looked up at Charlie before turning on his heel.” There the reason-“ He sped off in the opposite direction before Charlie could react.” Why I’m here...!”

“M-Mike!” Charlie called out before he took off right after him.” Wait!” Even though the pain in his ankle made every fiber in his body shiver and ache, he knew he had to keep going. He wanted to find civilization again, but not if it meant by meeting his parents again.

Mike hopped over a fallen over tree and continued running, ignoring the faint calls of his name in the distance. Without warning, a vine wrapped around his ankle causing him to tumble and slide down a steep slope. Mike desperately grabbed at every branch and shrub on the floor, but to no avail.

He looked back in the direction he was sliding down towards and his eyes got wide. Growing nearer was a literal cliff drop, that appeared to go hundreds of feet down with no chance of surviving.

Mike could only watch in horror as every second that passed, he grew closer to his death. His life flashed before his eyes as they welled up with tears. With one final cry, he shut his eyes and grit his teeth and braced himself for the fall.

As he felt himself fall over the edge, he could only accept his fate. Was this his fault? Probably. All he could think about was how his death would go unnoticed. No one would care that he was gone, not even his parents. He just wished that at least someone was here to comfort him. He was a scared kid after all.

With a breath, he waited for the impact. And waited. And waited. But it never came. In fact, it didn’t even feel like he was falling at all. He slowly peeked open an eye before he opened both of them wide. He realized he was dangling upside down, swaying softly to the wind.

“What the?” He muttered. His leg above him appeared to be caught on something around the ankle. Hesitantly, he looked up and gasped at what he saw.

“Whew! I got you!” Said Charlie, one hand enclosed on his ankle and the other hanging on for dear life to the cliff edge.

“Just hang on! I’ll get you outta this...!”

Mike could only watch as Charlie struggled with what to do.

This is my fault.

Tears welled up in his eyes as they blurred his vision. Just moments ago, he was afraid to lose his life, but now? It’s all he wanted. Because of him, he was going to get this nice...creature killed... With one final breath Mike couldn’t take it anymore. He let out a cry of despair.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” Mike cried out.” Just let me fall! If not, we’re both gonna die...!” Charlie just shook his head and scoffed.” That wont happen! Everything in this forest is mine to protect!” Charlie shouted, gritting his teeth as his grip got weaker.” The trees, the life, everything! I’d give my life up for it all if it meant I could save you...” Mike looked at Charlie hysterically and yelled.”What!?”

Charlie began to sway Mikes body slowly building momentum. He looked down at Mike and grinned.”And I won’t let you down! Not on my waaaaaatch!!!”

And with that, Charlie used all his might to swing Mike high over the ledge and smack dab on the clearing. With a grunt, he pulled himself up and later on his back, panting for air. Mike was also doing the same, his breathing more heavier than Charlie’s.

As he lay there, reality set in his mind and he felt guilty when he realized what he had cause.” Charlie...” he started, trying to hold back any tears as he sat up.

“I’m sorry...! I’m so so sorry...! I almost got us killed...I...can you forgive me!? I didn’t know what to do...! You were gonna take me back to my parents and I-“

Before he could finish, Charlie leaned in and embraced him in a hug.” Hey, hey! It’s ok!” Comforted Charlie while his body trembled slightly from his own near death experience.” I’m sure you had your reasons. It’s not your fault...”

Mike tensed up a bit before he leaned into the hug and finally, the tears began to pour. He just wanted to get away from all this. He just wanted to go home, but he knew that could never happen.

Mike noticed how scared Charlie was, so in an attempt, he pulled away and let out a shaky breath.” We should get going...” Mike muttered getting a confused look

from Charlie.” It’s gonna get dark soon...”

Charlie turned his head and did see the sun nearing towards the ground of the horizon. With a nod of his head and huff, he stood up.” Yeah, you’re right. We better get moving...”

Mike pursed his lips as Charlie pulled out any leaves that got caught in his hat as the two continued to walk. Mike was completely silent the whole time, afraid to do anything that’ll land him in more hot water than he already is.

“All he was trying to do was help me,” he thought as he stole a glance at Charlie. “If only I could tell him...but...how would he react...?” Suddenly Mike crashes into Charlie before taking a step back.” Huh? What happened? What’s going on?” He asked.

Instead of getting a response, Charlie hopped onto the nearest tree. Mike watched in awe as Charlie easily scaled the trees as if it was nothing. Clearly, he had been doing this for years because he made it look like child’s play .

In a matter of seconds, Charlie reached the peak of the tree and looked around the whole area. That’s when a worried look formed on his face. He was up there for some time, but after another a moment, he slid all the way down the side of the tree before landing with a thud.

“This isn’t good...” Charlie muttered taking off his hat and scratching the back of his head. Mike stood there and watched as Charlie paced back and force, deep in thought. It was obvious something was worrying the cryptic so Mike had to figure out what was bothering him.

“Charlie...” Mike started catching the squatch’s attention.” What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong...?” Charlie burrowed his brow for a moment before sighing.” To be honest kid, none of this looks familiar...” Charlie muttered causing Mikes face to fall.” I don’t think I’ve been to this part of the forest yet... everything is new to me and...I have no idea where we are...!”

Mike swallowed nervously as he fell back and sat down on the ground.” You mean, we’re gonna have to try and survive out here? With no equipment or food or anything!?” He asked, a feeling of despair washing over the two. Charlie nodded.

Mike looked down and let out a small laugh.” Man, could this day get any better?” As if on que, thunder roared across the woods causing several birds to fly out into the sky. Mike could only shake his head before turning to Charlie.

“So what now Mr. Expert?” Asked Mike.

“Got any bright ideas?”

Charlie nodded his head.” Yeah,” he said helping Mike back up on his feet.” First things first, we gotta find some shelter before nightfall, or before it rains, because the woods become extremely dangerous with one of those around...”

Mike sighed before nodding his head. And with that, the two began to walk deeper into the woods, with the storm and nightfall closing in in them...

(End of Chapter 1)

Ok I’ve been meaning to post this for a while now, but it’s something for the whole We Bare Bears Hiatus. Sorry for spelling errors and typos. It’s my first story in a while and I’m working on this to be made into a illustrated comic. Anyways, part 2 is already almost done, so stay tuned! And feedback is greatly appreciated!

#wbb charlie #wbb panda #we bare bears #wbb #panlie #charlie #wbb grizz #grizz panda ice bear ranger tabes fandom fan kid fanfic

27 notes · View notes

theshapeshifter100 · 6 years

Text

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch5

Summary: Megan gets back from the disastrous meeting, and things get better, then worse. Why is it always worse when interacting with other humans?

Word Count: 2,352

Warnings: Implied anxiety and depression, implied minor panic attack, implied suicidal thoughts, swearing near the end

5.30PM Tuesday 19th October 2038

“Megan! You are back early,” Paul noticed as the door opened. When there was no response he looked out of the kitchen towards the front door, just in time to see Megan slam her bedroom door shut. “Is everything all right?”

Megan’s breath hitched on that question, hand clapping over her mouth. No. No she was not alright. She’d been holding it back the entire journey home, and one question was going to undo it all.

“I’m alright,” she managed to get out. “Everything’s fine.”

There was a pause before Paul responded.

“I have not started on dinner yet. Would you like me to?”

“No, thank you,” Megan wanted to be left alone, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Tch. Can’t even tell an android, something designed to listen to you, to go away

Mega swung her bag off her back and flung it onto her bed, trying to not make her distress obvious.

“Understood,” there was a soft shuffling sound as Paul went back to the kitchen. Megan let out a sigh and got into her sleeping clothes. It was only just half five, but she just felt so tired.

Yet, she spent hours staring at the dark ceiling, trying to hold herself together.

8AM Wednesday 20th October 2038

She had forgotten to set an alarm, but Paul filled that role by knocking on her door at 8AM.

“Are you awake Megan?”

Megan groaned to herself, rolling over to stare at the ceiling. Awake, yes. Willing to get out of bed? Remained to be seen.

Paul didn’t try to get another response, so Megan continued to stare at the ceiling. There would be messages on her phone from Alex, telling her when the next meeting was. She had to watch livestreams and recordings of lectures, work more on her assignment, and finish that commission.

She didn’t want to do any of it.

She also didn’t want to sleep anymore, so what did she want?

Oh yes, everything to stop. Not, necessarily end. Just stop for a while.

Yeah, except that was never going to happen, now was it?

With a heavy sigh Megan got out of bed and shambled out of the room. The Roomba had been set loose, carefully avoiding all obstacles, and Paul was just, standing there, with a completely blank expression. His LED blinking slowly, like the old buffering symbol.

As Megan closed her door the LED solidified and Paul turned to look at her, smile forming.

“Good morning Megan. Would you like breakfast?”

Given that she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, Megan knew what the answer was supposed to be. “Yes please.”

It seemed like Paul’s smile grew wider as he went to get started in the kitchen.

Megan followed him in, watching as he pulled out flour, eggs and milk and started mixing them all together. Making a guess as to what he was doing, Megan began looking through the cupboards for the frying pan.

“Bottom cupboard, two doors left from the sink,” intoned Paul, before his LED blinked yellow and he added. “I assume you were looking for the frying pan.”

“Yeah,” Megan followed his directions and pulled the frying pan, co-incidentally also a hand-me-down from the Beckwith’s when the old one had not been up to the task.

She placed it on the hob and Paul, still mixing, reached to one of the overhead cupboards with one hand and pulled out some oil that had probably been lurking in the back for months. He handed it to Megan, who poured a little into the pan and clumsily swung the pan to spread the oil to the edges before placing it back on the hob.

Expertly Paul took hold of the frying pan and poured batter into it, making sure it got the edges before setting it back down and getting a spatula ready for flipping.

Megan got a plate ready as the pancake cooked, Paul calmly flipping it when it was time. Paul didn’t try to talk, and Megan wasn’t going to start a conversation. This was, nice, peaceful.

It was also a little surprising that he was cooking pancakes the European way, although one of the Beckwiths did come from the UK, so that might be why.

Paul placed the freshly cooked pancake on Megan’s plate and got to cooking another one, and kept going until the jug he was using was empty and there was a 6 high pile of thin pancakes on the plate.

“Sugar?” Paul asked, pre-emptively reaching for the cupboard where he had put the sugar.

“Yes please.”

Paul pulled out a bag of sugar and after a moment of consideration and LED flashing, placed the bag on the small dinner table.

Megan carried the plate over as Paul collected cutlery. Once down she used a teaspoon to sprinkle sugar onto the top pancake, and began to eat.

Paul stood nearby, not in the same standby mode she had seen earlier, but still completely still.

“You can sit down if you want,” Megan half mumbled, feeling a lot better now.

Paul paused for a moment, hovering awkwardly, before pulling out the chair on the other side of the table and sitting in it stiffly.

It took a few more minutes of mental back and forth for Megan to talk again.

“Sorry about last night.”

Paul tilted his head slightly, clearly uncertain as to why she was apologising.

“You were probably preparing to make dinner, and I wasted your time,” that barely scratched the surface of what she was sorry for, but she wasn’t sure how to say the rest of it.

“It’s fine. I had not even started yet. You did not waste my time.”

“O-okay. Good,” Megan got another bite of pancake down.

“So what are your plans for today?”

“Sit at my computer. Work.”

“May I suggest grocery shopping? For exercise as well as buying other supplies which you appear to be lacking.”

Megan felt her mouth twitch in a strange half smile. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Your current lifestyle is not healthy, and given your otherwise low maintenance, this seems to be the best way to assist you.”

Megan sighed, better get this over with. She considered giving in and giving Paul her bank details, but that probably wouldn’t deter him.

“Fine. We’ll go when I’m dressed.”

It was tempted after that to just, not get dressed. Although, she didn’t want to deal with Paul potentially asking her about that, so just took her time to get ready.

“It 42 degrees Fahrenheit outside,” Paul said as Megan grabbed her jacket. “You may wish for something warmer.”

“I’ll be fine,” Megan assured, grabbing some plastic bags that were usually left over from takeout.

“Do you not own a thicker jacket?”

“No.”

“I can add that to the shopping list.”

“I don’t have the money for new clothes.”

“If I had known your budget then I would not have made the suggestion. What is the budget?”

Again with android sass. “About, fifteen dollars, or so.”

“Understood.”

The two left the apartment, Megan tapping her pockets every minute or so to definitely make sure that she still had her keys and wallet.

When they left the building the whipped by them, blowing Megan’s red hair across her face. She ignored it in favour of shoving her hands deeper into her coat pocket. Paul hadn’t been wrong; it was freezing! It was only October, why was it so cold?

Paul led the way towards the nearest grocery store, which Megan had never been to in roughly a year of being in the area. She fell into step with the taller android and buried the bottom half of her face in the collar of her jacket, with her shoulders hunched up around her ears.

She’d grown up in suburbia, so the amount of people on the street when she wasn’t catching the bus still caught her off guard.

“Sorry, excuse me,” she muttered into her coat as she tried to dodge everyone. A large chunk of those walking around were androids, so they easily moved out of the way. Humans weren’t quite so good about it, and at one point she walked on the road to avoid bumping into anyone.

Paul quickly realised that Megan wasn’t next to him and stopped, scanning the area as Megan ducked and weaved to get back to him. It wasn’t like he was tallest in the crowd, but he was a decent focal point.

Megan ducked under a pile of boxes an android was carrying and stood next to Paul. Another reason she hated going out, everyone in the city was tall with no concept of personal space.

“Are you okay?” Paul asked.

“Yeah, just, don’t like getting in the way.”

Paul nodded. “Stay close then,” he added, LED flashing yellow for a second before walking again. Despite the obvious difference in stride, Paul kept his pace slow so Megan wouldn’t get caught up in the crowd.

Stupid. You’re a grown adult and need a babysitter to get through a city?

Nineteen is hardly an adult

Old enough to not need an escort

Megan scowled and followed Paul into the warmth of the grocery store.

“Let’s check clearance,” Megan muttered, leading the way this time in the less crowded store. She actually didn’t know where it was, but for now it helped her ego a little bit.

Paul followed her as she found the clearance section, food items covered in little yellow stickers. Mostly tired looking vegetables, microwave meals that would go out of date that day and meat that would have to go in the freezer almost immediately before it spoiled.

Megan scanned it for a moment, realising just out of practice she was at organising meals. Surely she had been better at this when she was a freshmen, right?

“Okay, er. Paul, you’re the food guy, any thoughts?”

Paul’s LED flashed yellow for a few seconds before grabbing some carrots, potatoes and a 500g pack of minced beef.

“I can’t eat all that!” Megan half whispered.

“These will be for multiple meals. If I portion the meat and freeze it individually it will last a lot longer.”

“That, makes sense.”

The two left the clearance section, and ended up picking up butter, jelly and cheese. It seemed like there was a lot of food piling up in the basket, which Paul was carrying. He saw her looking at the basket and also looked, LED going yellow as he scanned.

“We are well within the budget,” he assured. “We should be able to get something unhealthy as well.”

“Since when did you promote unhealthiness?”

“I do not. The occasional unhealthy treat is healthy for the mind.”

“Right...” Megan wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Although, she did grab a pack of own brand chocolate bars that were on a half price promotion. She wasn’t sure whether or not she saw Paul nod approvingly or not.

“Anything else?” Megan asked.

“This should be sufficient for now.”

“Okay,” Megan relaxed a little. This hadn’t been so bad so far. Clearly her nerves were just making things seem worse than they are, like always.

The two joined the queue to pay, and got through fairly swiftly. The only issue that came up was when she had to use her card to pay for stuff, but the cashier was an android so didn’t say anything.

Paul bagged the groceries as she paid and took them off the counter when she was done.

“Thanks Paul,” she said, feeling slightly guilty. She’d never considered how heavy that basket must have gotten.

“Why the fuck are you thanking it?”

Megan froze like a deer in the headlights. She forced herself to put her foot in front of the other, one by one. If she didn’t answer they would leave her alone.

“Hey! I asked you a question!”

Shit! No no no no no no no.

Someone, she didn’t know who as her eyes had found the floor, stepped in front of her.

“Why the fuck are you thanking the tin can? It’s doing what it’s supposed to!”

Megan didn’t answer. Her throat closed up and her brain blue screened.

“Are you even listening to me?” they stepped closer and shoved her in the shoulder, making her stumble back into Paul, who didn’t have a free hand.

“I’m going to have to ask you to stop harassing customers,” intoned the cashier android, which just made the angry person scoff.

“And what are you gonna do about it, tin man?” they challenged, and surprisingly, it was Paul who spoke up.

“I can call the police on charges of harassment and assault. There were multiple Closed Circuit television cameras that have captured what you have done and said.”

“You stay out of this!” snarled the aggressor, but they were appearing more nervous. They glanced at where the security cameras where before looking back at Megan, who hadn’t moved. “Whatever. Waste of fucking time.”

There was one last shove before they left, but Paul stood like a rock so Megan wouldn’t stumble, and she still didn’t move.

Her breathing was loud in her ears and her thoughts were frozen and racing all at once. She needed to move, get away from the people, but her feet just weren’t moving.

“Megan,” someone was saying her name.

“Ma’am, you need to move,” someone else, someone she didn’t recognise.

Some gripped her shoulders and gently steered her away from the checkout.

“Ma’am?”

Megan finally moved on her own, looking up to see one of the security androids leaned over to reach her level, LED blinking yellow.

“I’m fine,” the lie slipped out easily, and it was enough to get them to back off.

She was calming down now, and could feel embarrassment wash over her.

“Let’s go home Paul,” she mumbled, and Paul followed as she left the store. The wind blew bitterly still, but Megan found herself not caring, staying as close to Paul as possible as they went back to the apartment.

Ah, it got better, and then it got worse. Not much to say on this one to be honest, a little domestic chapter with some anxiety thrown in, wooo!

Other Options Flowchart

Go back to sleep

Give Paul Megan's bank details and send him shopping

Tags! @septicart-appreciation @nightmarejim

#Detroit Become Human #Detroit Become Human fanfic #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot Ch5 #TheShapeshifter100

4 notes · View notes

myotishia · 5 years

Text

Time hopping part two

Fandom: Torchwood. Trigger warnings: None I don't think but tell me if I've missed anything. Characters: Owen Harper (Past and present), Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Elise Carter (oc) Rating: Teen and up Tropes: We’re fixing things right over here.

Blurb: After being swept into Owens plan Elise is going to have to face her own actions and the effect they have on others. Not only that but she’s been given an important duty, to keep Toshiko Sato distracted.

After another time jump that almost ended with Elise losing what was left in her stomach the pair headed to a hotel. Owen, to the receptionist at least, looked like a normal patron. He flashed a credit card and the receptionist nodded as if this happened all the time. Elise followed the woman in an expensive looking suit to a room that was larger than Elise’s own flat. Owen finally broke the silence as he waved off the receptionist.

“You look exhausted. You should get some sleep.”

The brown eyed woman sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off her boots. “What was that about?”

“Torchwood. Sometimes after something went down we all just couldn’t face going home so we have a tab here. Thought you might need it.”

“Yea… I mean I’m practically homeless right now.”

“You can order room service if you want.”

She laughed mirthlessly. “I haven’t eaten in at least twenty four hours but now I can’t even think about food… I’m going to take a shower.”

“Will you be ok on your own?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I’m going to check on the aftermath. I need to relax for a while anyway.” He held up his hand as it dispersed into the air like salt in water.

“I’ll be here.”

She watched him dissolve completely before heading into the bathroom, turning on the shower and attempting to patch clean her jeans, mud from the field dried into the knees. She hung them on the radiator to dry and stepped into the shower appreciating the warmth. The day hit her like a bus. She sank to the floor and sobbed, overwhelmed. It was as if she really had jumped into the bay, drowning in the darkness, pulled under by death himself. She traced the scar on the back of her hand with her fingertips. She wasn’t alone anymore. For the first time in years she wasn’t completely alone. The warmth seemed to finally permeate her core and she pulled herself up, washing away the day and the thoughts that weighed her down. Finally she stepped out and bundled herself up in the fluffy white towels and a very plush dressing gown.

After a short trip as the crow flies Owen drifted watching two familiar figures below.

Gwen leant next to her workmate on the bars dividing them from the bay water.

“Are you ok? You’ve been quiet… I mean quieter than usual.” She asked.

Ianto continued to look out across the water, “I lost someone a few nights ago.”

“Oh god Ianto I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say? I’m sure Jack would’ve given you some time off.”

“I’d rather work to be honest.”

“Who were they?”

“Someone I loved… She’d been gone for a long time in a way. I just hoped…” He paused, words lost on the wind.

“Oh sweetheart.” She pulled him into a hug that he didn’t fight.

Elise had closed her eyes for only a moment when she found herself in darkness, far from the sounds of the hotel tv. Drifting. Weightless. Far off, huge footsteps echoed, the vibrations hitting her in the chest. She tried to feel which direction it was coming from but it seemed to come from everywhere. A final loud bang pierced the air and a sharp pain bloomed in her chest followed by a falling sensation.

Owen looked up as Elise jolted awake with a loud gasp, as if she’d just resurfaced from a deep pool.

“Woah Elise, it’s ok.”

“Hurts.” She gasped, a hand over her heart.

The doctor took a swift step forwards, watching her carefully. “Take a deep breath. Can you tell me what hurts?”

“I…” She took a few deep breaths. “It’s gone… Bad dream, I think.”

“Are you sure?”

The cocoon of towels and blankets nodded. The worry in Owen settled but a sharp phantom pain shot through his own heart. A pain he thought he’d long forgotten. A pain he wanted to forget.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you… I hate to be a pain but will my debit card work in this time?”

“No. It won’t have been created yet. What do you need?”

“Just a change of clothes and a few other things if you plan on making me run or anything.”

“I think Torchwood can owe you that much but you’ll have to emerge from your blanket fort.”

“No deal.” She pouted, pulling the dressing gown tightly around her as she got up and headed into the bathroom. Her jeans were dry and they hadn’t stained thankfully. As soon as she got something else to wear she’d throw everything away. She didn’t want to look at them.

One new coat, two new sets of underwear, one new pair of jeans, two new shirts and a set of hairbands later Elise was ready to go.

“Is this next job a little nicer?” she asked.

“Depends how it goes. Hopefully you can just keep Tosh distracted while I keep track of someone.”

“How would I keep her distracted?”

“Easy. Tell her you know about Torchwood.”

“And when she asks how?”

“Improvise”

“I’m not good at lying.”

“Then don’t. You are from the future, just show her your phone or something.”

“My phone’s old.”

Owen stared at her for a moment before the pin finally dropped. She pulled the phone from her pocket and compared it to the ‘new’ models in a nearby shop window.

“How did people deal with having less than a terabyte of storage at least. Even this old piece of junk has three.”

“Exactly. You can use the money I gave you just don’t get drunk. I don’t want to have to wait for you to sober up. Just keep her away from the blond at the bar.”

“I need to send a message. Will you be ok on your own?”

“I’m not a bloody child!”

“Says the woman who was found in a blanket fort.”

“Just go.”

Gwen leant back in her chair. “Just admit it, you left me the note.”

“I was with you, when would I have had time? I’ve checked the cameras.”

“You mean the ones that conveniently glitched out?”

“There was a sudden wave of electromagnetic interfearence. They didn’t glitch.” Tosh interjected. She was sick and tired of this conversation. It had been going on for over a week and it sounded like Owens usual nonsense.

“See? Right from the expert. Wasn’t me.” Owen threw a ball of paper into the bin that sat across the room.

“Then who was it?” Gwen continued, as stubborn as ever.

“Fuck if I know. I’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

“Like what?”

“I got a new body this morning.”

“Shouldn’t you be working on it then?”

“It’s just bones. Not as if whatever did it is still walking around.”

“Maybe.”

Owen paused before standing. “Ok, if you’re so smart you can tell me what happened.”

“What?”

“I’m serious. Come on.”

Gwen shook her head but followed anyway.

Tosh moved to grab her coffee but it had long gone cold. It was just the last part of a very frustrating day that had given her a stress headache. She couldn’t concentrate. Pulling her bag onto her shoulder she headed out. If Owen was going to act like Gwens best friend then maybe she’d find someone who actually wanted her around. That or at least get a drink.

Elise sat down next to the woman Owen had pointed out to her and smiled.

“Hi.”

Tosh jumped as if she’d been pulled from a daydream. “Oh sorry. Hi.”

“I’m Elise. You’re Toshiko, right?”

“How do you know that?”

“I know about Torchwood. How’s Ianto holding up by the way... Don’t worry, I don’t mean you any harm.”

Tosh had gone quite pale but she kept her composure. “Slow down. How do you know about Torchwood?”

Elise took a sip of her drink. “An agent stopped me from doing something I’d regret. He was drifting through time and long story short I ended up travelling with him.”

“Do you have any proof?”

The brown haired woman placed her mobile phone on the bar. “Go ahead. If you have a look at the news sites they should have a short history saved. I can’t connect to the internet here but maybe you can.”

Tosh turned the unfamiliar phone over in her hands, checking the ports and any brand naming. Nothing she recognised. Even opening it up didn’t show her anything she’d seen before, at least not in such a compact form. The sim card and memory cards had names she’d never heard of printed on them. She wanted to double check but at that moment she realised that, in her frustration, she’d left her own mobile on her desk. Next she switched the device on and hit a roadblock. It needed to be unlocked.

“Sorry. One second.” Elise said, taking the phone back and holding it up. “Retinal scanner. A bit much I know.”

Once it was unlocked Toshiko immediately hit the web browser and it did bring up well known news sites but all the dates were for over twenty five years in the future.

“Can I keep this?” She asked.

“The speaker doesn’t work very well. I had to resolder a few of the connections more than once but go ahead. It’s not as if I have anyone I can call. Even in my time the only one to answer would be my roomba.”

“You still have those?”

“Yea. I got mine from a friend who worked at my local scrap yard. It was old but it still worked. Just needed a bit of care and attention.” Elise smiled softly at the memory. “I reprogrammed him because he was oversensitive. He’d make his little warning beep whenever he hit the doorframe or got stuck under my bed. I gave him a little AI that could tell where he was. It went a bit far when I walked in on him humping the base of a lamp.”

Tosh nearly choked on her drink as she laughed.

“I’m serious. I think he just hadn’t worked out that it wasn’t a ramp with an obstacle. Of course I gave them my blessing. At least he could get a date.”

“Do… Do you want to get something to eat?”

“I’m starving. You lead the way. I doubt any of the places I went to are here yet.”

Owen, his future self at least, had enjoyed watching the creature known as Mary get exactly what she deserved. Eons of looking back had amplified his bitterness, remembering how heartbroken Tosh had been. The feeling of broken trust around the hub. It had been the same with Ianto, doubting every interaction. They deserved a win before the next case that would fall to them. Of all the monsters and eldritch abominations they’d faced somehow humans were the worst. There was no one thing he could do to change the events to come, like a perfect storm it would blow through, unstoppable. He just had to do his best to limit the damage of the aftermath. He knew the notes he’d left for both Gwen and himself wouldn’t be enough to stop his past self being an idiot. He just hoped the anonymous message he’d sent to Rhys would be. “Gwen’s been given a sensitive project at work but she doesn’t want to go to counselling. When she gets back I've set up a date for you both to try and help her decompress from the whole thing. Below I’ve included all of your reservation details. Everything has been paid for. She may not be able to talk about her work but maybe a night to forget about it all will help.” It was a risk to leave evidence of his existence and he was sure it would end with them investigating his activities but it had to be done. Owen had to fix his mistakes, for his own sake if no one else's.

“-And he’s spending all of his time arguing about notes like a schoolchild.” Tosh continued over a spoonful of sorbet.

“Sounds a bit desperate if you ask me. Didn’t you say she had a boyfriend?”

“Exactly. Who does that?!”

“It’s not worth stressing out over. I mean you’re smart, beautiful, you’ll find someone worth your time.”

She blushed lightly at the compliment. “Not in this job.”

“And you have people who love you. That’s worth way more than a few dates.”

“Didn’t you have anyone?”

Elise paused and took another bite of her cheesecake. “Not really. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years. Not that I’d want to. All they ever did is put me down and use me. I fell out of contact with my school friends long ago and my workmates just aren’t into the same kinds of things I am. They go out drinking and I’d rather go home and build something. Nearest thing I had to a friendship was the guy at the junkyard and I didn’t even know his last name. The night before I met… The agent… I came home to my flat and it’d been ransacked. Everything was gone… Sorry. I brought the mood down.”

“No. It’s ok.” She leant down to her bag and pulled out the phone. “You should keep this.”

“Are you sure? I’ve got nobody to call.”

“Yes you have.” She let Elise unlock it and started typing her number in. “Now you can call me.”

“I hope I can… Tell you what. I’ll give you all of my details and we’ll see if we can keep in contact even when I’ve time jumped again.”

“That sounds good. Thank you for tonight. I think I needed this.”

“Me too. Just remember, even if I don’t answer right away I’m still out there somewhere and after whatever Jobs we need to do get done I think I want to come back. We can go out for dinner again or something.”

“I’d like that.”

They were interrupted by a waiter stopping at their table. “I’m sorry to bother you miss. There’s a gentleman outside looking for you.”

Elise’s heart sank slightly. “Ok. Thanks could you tell him I’ll be out in a minute?”

“Of course miss.”

Elise grabbed a napkin. “Do you have a pen?”

Tosh grabbed one out of her bag and handed it to the woman as she stood.

“This is my number, my email address and my backup email. I’ll see you again Tosh. I promise.” She handed over the napkin with the money for their meal before turning and heading out with a smile on her face.

Owen was waiting just outside but out of sight of the windows. “I said distract her not take her on a date.”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“You were giving her the fuck me eyes the whole time.”

“I was not! Were you watching us the whole time?!”

“Not the whole time. Anyway, we have work to do. Time’s already been shifting so I’m having to compensate. Originally this nights events were set to begin in another three weeks. They’re all going to be called out to the brecon beacons so we have time to sneak into the hub and fix a few things. I can introduce you to Janet.”

“Who?”

“The hubs resident weevil.”

“I’ve seen bugs before.”

“Janet isn’t a bug. You’ll see when we get there. Ready for a time jump?”

“I’ve just eaten.”

“Lucky you.”

“If I throw up I’m going to aim for you.”

“I’m a doctor. We’re trained to dodge vomit.”

“You’re such a dick.” She punched him gently in the arm.

Owen was caught off guard by it actually connecting but found himself smiling. It had been so long since he had any real human contact.

After a jump and a short walk Owen switched on the lights in the hub. They didn’t have to sneak like the last time they had visited so Elise took a moment to walk around. She looked over the desks and anything that had been left out stopping at a large jar containing what looked like a severed human hand inside.

“Owen… What the fuck.” She said, pointing at the floating limb.

“Yea, we need to take that with us too.”

“I say again, what the fuck?!”

“It belongs to Torchwoods most wanted. Known only as The Doctor. He’s a time traveller and Jack is more than a little bit obsessed with him. The bigger the problem the more likely it is to be connected to captain Jack fucking Harkness.”

“Right.”

“I’ll deal with it. Come over here.”

Elise made her way over to where Owen was standing, looking up. She followed his gaze to see something moving far above them hidden by a balcony.

“Myfanwy!” He called.

The thing moved over to the edge before revealing itself as a large pteranodon. It flew in a spiral before landing clumsily, chirping and snapping its beak.

“That’s a dinosaur.” Elise gasped as if it weren’t obvious.

“A pteranodon. She’s the hub pet.”

“Can I touch her?”

“If she lets you. She won’t hurt you but she gets bitchy if she hasn’t been fed recently.”

She reached out a tentative hand towards the creatures beak. It tilted its head and sniffed her before nudging her hand gently, or as gently as a large creature can.

“Easy girl. It’s ok. Good girl.” cood Elise as she pet Myfanwy's beak.

“When you’re done we can go down to the cells so you can meet Janet.”

“Isn’t Janet as friendly and this big soft bird?”

“Depends what you mean by friendly. It’s a weevils nature to bite whatever they see. They leave nasty bites too.” Owen tugged at the neck of his shirt, showing a large set of scars etched into the skin of his shoulder.

“Christ!” She walked away from Myfanwy who launched herself into the air and back to her nest. “Is that what… killed you?”

“No. I spent a while in hospital after it. Luckily Jack dragged me out of there and stopped me bleeding out. I should have died then.”

“What did ... um…”

“Kill me? An arsehole with a gun. Shot me in the chest. Fucking cops didn’t search him.”

“At least it was quick.”

“Not as quick as you’d think. Come on, I’ll show you the cells.”

Owen was quiet in the lift down to the cell block, staring at the wall.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know. Just forget it.” He walked through the door the second he could and towards a cell that was lit up. Each had a clear glass wall and a metal security door at the other end of the room. An odd sound rose from the cell that Owen stood in front of. It was a whimpering or crying but it wasn’t human. It was similar to whale song but rougher.

“This is Janet.” He said. “She’s afraid of me now. As soon as I came back from the dead she started reacting like this to me. Usually she growls and tries to charge at whoever goes past.”

Looking into the cell Elise finally saw what was making the noise. A humanoid figure dressed in a blue jumpsuit cowered in the far corner. It had dark eyes and wrinkled skin, its lips pulled back in a snarl that showed pointed, shark like, teeth as soon as it saw the woman.

“What is it?” She asked, transfixed on the figure.

“She’s a weevil. They fall through the rift and gather in the sewers. Sometimes they come out at night to hunt anything that moves. They don’t need to, they can eat pretty much anything but they seem to almost enjoy it. From what I could tell Janet was… Is old. Kicked out of her group and left alone. We tried to send her back to the sewers but we found her on the doorstep the next morning.”

“She sounds lonely.”

The viewing area once again filled with weevil whale song.

“Come on. We have more we need to do before we go.”

Elise followed silently, her mind trying to process what she’d seen. Owen snapped her out of her daydream by waving a hand in front of her face. She realised she was sitting down and had completely missed how she’d gotten there.

“Sorry. I’m saying that a lot today.” She said, rubbing her eyes.

“Too much if you ask me. Have you ever been in a fight?”

“What? No.”

“Ever fired a gun before?”

“Of course not!”

“Shit. I’ll have to teach you that too. Right, first we need to grab a couple of things from the archive and then I need to walk you through disposing of one of the bodies we have in cold storage.”

“I didn’t follow anything you just said but ok.”

“We haven’t got time to let things settle, just try and keep up.”

#torchwood #jack harkness #ianto jones #toshiko sato #owen harper #gwen cooper

0 notes

endlessarchite · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

I meant to introduce you guys last week, but I’ve been caught on the phone and getting really behind as usual (and, as always, I’m doing other things behind the scenes that are both gross AND fun AND leading up to a long-awaited reno! Jeez, how long has it been since I tore out my master bathroom? I am going to have a confession all about that later this week as well as what inspired me to start remodeling it again). But Caroline used to write for my team when I worked for an online magazine called Society South, and she’s assisted me in a few articles since then when I do freelance work. Over the last few months, I realized that there are giant chunks of time where writing a post to update you feels like ages (even if it’s only a week, I fondly remember the days where I used to post more frequently), and you don’t see my busy little legs kicking below the surface (the quote of the duck on a calm surface is incredibly apt in my situation!). So, I asked Caroline if she might like to contribute to the site every once in a while for trend-spotting and decorating ideas, much like I used to do a few years ago on Saturdays, but with a little more substance. I like her eye and her writing style, so I’m happy to have her adding some of her own content to the site. Here she is with her first post all about decor for outdoor spaces! I love some of the items she’s found, and each month she’ll be back with themed new finds I hope you guys will enjoy. Thanks, and welcome, Caroline! <3

Hey y’all, I’m Caroline and I’m so excited to join The Ugly Ducking House team! I love that I’m getting the chance to combine two of my passions — writing and design — for Sarah’s blog, and can’t wait to share more of my ideas with everyone. Even though the summer solstice isn’t for another few days, we’ve been lucky enough to have had such warm and beautiful weather early this year — which means extra time to enjoy being outside with friends and family (or just to get working on that tan). That’s why my first post features some of the coolest and handiest outdoor products to enhance your outdoor spaces — enjoy! *contains affiliate links*

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

June: you step out of your office to a burst of hot, humid air. You get in your car and nearly every surface burns to the touch. A pop song about fleeting vacation flings is playing on the radio. Ahh, yes, summer has finally begun. But before you get caught up in a day dream montage of grilling burgers poolside, waving sparklers with the kids, and eating too many popsicles, ask yourself — are you, or rather, is your backyard, actually ready? If you’re picturing pollen-covered, half-half broken lawn chairs; a pile of dusty, deflated pool floats; and a grill that’s near rust-damaged disintegration, then no, you are not ready for summer, my friend. Whether your backyard needs a total rehaul or just a little sprucing up, these outdoor products are guaranteed to upgrade your outdoor space and add a pop of fun just in time for summer to really get into swing.

Natural Wicker/Rattan Furniture – The light, natural wood look as been a popular minimalist interior design style for a while, but now it’s moving to the outdoors again. Retro-vibe rattan furniture gives your patio space a funky twist while still remaining neutral and inviting.

Inside Lighting Brought Outdoors – Bringing the indoors out is often achieved by incorporating comfy sofas or pillow accents into your patio seating design — but have you thought about doing the same with lighting? This solar-powered floor lamp brings the coziness of the indoors outside for an unusual, antique-like lighting effect.

Modern Bird Feeder – Bird feeders don’t have to be reserved for winter and certainly don’t have to be strictly utilitarian in style. Opt for a sleek geometric shape made of glass for a feeder that doubles as yard art.

Decorative Tabletop Torch – If tiki torches feel a little too cheesy-luao-birthday-party-backyard-barbeque to you, opt for a much chicer alternative to keep the bugs away. Fill this copper tabletop torch with citronella oil for a stylish way to stay bug-free without invoking a single hawaiian shirt vibe.

Hammock in a Trendy Color – Bright yellow is one of this summer’s top colors for decor, but think outside the box of throw pillows and pool floaties. A yellow hammock adds a touch of whimsy while still being functional, and the color will pop against a green backyard backdrop.

Creative Outdoor Seating – No more wooden Adirondak chair splinters for you! These outdoor beanbag chairs offer a casual, comfortable, portable seating option perfect for parties and catching some sun (just try not to fall asleep — no one wants an embarrassing sunburn!).

Robotic Lawn Mower – Also known as the “Roomba for lawns,” this little guy is perfect for those who hate cutting the grass in the heat and sun. Personally, I’m extremely curious what kinds of lawn striping or patterns this would create.

SPF or UPF Clothing – Whether gardening, grilling, or beachside, protecting your skin from harmful UV rays is a must. Give your sunscreen a hand by wearing some breathable SPF/UPF proof clothing that’s cute, as well as functional.

All Natural Bug Spray – Reduce the chemicals you put on your body and into the air with a tried-and-true, natural citronella spray. I discovered this awesome product a few years ago while on an annual family vacation in South Florida — let me tell you, this stuff really works! Added bonus: no stickiness and it smells great!

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

Mosaic Tile Accents – One of this summer’s biggest trends also happens to be a great opportunity for a DIY project. Entertain yourself or your kids by decorating an end table, plant stand, or bird bath with colorful mosaic tiles.

Retro Patio Cooler – Coolers seem to always get the short end of the stick when it comes to design, which makes sense considering the wear-and-tear of countless tailgates and beach trips we put them through. With these retro and brightly-colored standing coolers, you don’t have to sacrifice an ounce of style for your outdoor space or the convenience of an ice-cold beverage. I recommend the turquoise color to continue the theme of bold and bright!

Bright Outdoor Rug – Drab, stained concrete; faded, weathered wood…this does not have to be the fate of your outdoor flooring. Add a colorful, textured outdoor run to create just as an inviting outdoor entertaining space as you have inside. Can y’all tell I like bright colors yet?

Even something as simple as adding a little color or testing a new product to make the sticky days more bearable (lookin’ at you, bug spray) can really make a difference when it comes to revitalizing and enjoying your outdoor space. So, I hope this list has inspired y’all to take your backyard swag up a notch — what’s your outdoors summer-fun must-have?

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces published first on http://ift.tt/2qxZz2j

0 notes

worldsandcenturiesfunposting · 7 years

Text

Trump’s Bad Day : ( A Political Fanfiction for Intellectuals

It was another day in the White House and President Trump was not happy. As per usual, he woke up before the sun even rose to take his routine shit and Twitter time. Unlike those loser Presidents from the past, Trump knew the best method of proclaiming his word to the masses was at 140 characters at a time. If that’s how much he’s able to read, certainly it must be how much the rest of the country is capable of as well.

He looked around the historic building, clenching his butt cheeks in hopes of making it to the restroom on time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find his phone! He looked under his high chair but couldn’t find it nor did he find it on his desk underneath the multitude of crayon’d in pages of the 2016 election results. It wasn’t even in that special spot in Ivanka’s room that coincidentally gave whatever’s placed there a perfect view of where she changes.

The excruciating exercise he went through searching for it was draining his limited life force. His hands sweated greatly, unable to even grasp the big boy little spoons he uses to eat his delicious two scoops. The dye in his hair was starting to run down his face, making him look like an orange/lemon blend.

At last, he couldn’t take it anymore. He slumped over on the floor and had to finally release himself. It was the same feeling he got when he passed legislations.

When the sun rose and the rest of the staff attended to their duties, Mike Pence found both Trump and Bannon sleeping on top of one another. At some point while it was still dark, the head of Brietbart drunkenly stumbled in, tripped on his boss, and fell asleep as well. When trying to remove the ungodly mix of alcohol and adipose tissue of of the President, Pence once again smelled a horrid odor that was all too familiar with him after these 100-something days of Trump’s presidency.

“Donald, again?” He sighed.

Even in sleep, Trump giggled.

It wasn’t until an hour later that Trump was dragged back to his room, cleaned, changed, and given a set of new clothes. Pence insisted he wear a normal tie that day but Trump refused to abide.

“I want the long one!”

“You can’t wear the long one, Donald. It’s too long. You’ll trip over it!”

“I WANT THE BIG BOY TIE!”

A familiar site to the electroshock therapy enthusiast, Trump started jumping up and down in a fit of rage. At times, he’d run over to the wall and start pounding on it, making such little noise, it was as if a fly had slammed into it.

“BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE-”

He droned on and on, and tears started to stream down his face. finally Pence threw his hands in the air and said “Alright! Fuck it! You can have the big boy tie!”

Like a flick of a switch, Trump stopped his tantrum and beamed a huge grin in Pence’s direction. “I’m a bigly good deal maker, Pence. You should know this.” He pointed at his VP and snatched the tie from his hands.

“If only you could negotiate a law to kill the faggots, Trump.”

“I’ll make that deal when the dems stop obst-obstric-ob-ob...blocking me!”

“The dems are the minority in everything, Trump. They have no real control over congress or the senate or anything!”

“Killery’s emails say that the deep state is actually controlling them. Don’t you read Bread-bart?”

When they walked out, they found Bannon in the same spot on the floor. Somehow in his sleep, the man managed to gather dozens of bottles of gin seemingly out of thin air. Groggily, he started to get up.

“Uh bu ughuhu...are the fuckin’ kikes dead yet?”

“No, Bannon.” Pence replied dryly.

“Thosuh fugg fuking guh hook noses th-I ughu I wish the Holocaust was real fo then uthu would be gon!”

“That’s nice, Bannon. We need you to help Trump sign a bill for our corporate masters.”

“It’s going to be a biiiiiiigly bill, Uncle Bannon!”

Bannon complied. He pissed himself first, but ultimately he stumbled behind the two which made Donald giggle over how silly his uncle was being. All the while Bannon was trying to tell Donald about how the white race was being bred out of existence and how to use secret code words like ‘N1gger’ or ‘k1ke’ to trick normies into spreading nazi propaganda. his words weren’t at all clear and Donald simply giggled most of the time, but somewhere in Trump’s mind, he was absorbing that information.

Before Bannon could call for a race war, he slumped over again and threw up on the back of Pence’s shoes before falling sleep entirely.

“Uh oh, Uncle Bannon had an accident!”

Pence remained silent, seething to himself that one day congress will stop worrying about what a bunch of frog posters thought of them and impeach Trump. How much longer must I endure this? Dead God! Dear mother! Someone help!

They continued on. Trump skipped the whole say singing ‘Bigly bill’ over and over and occasionally telling Pence he had to sing along.

When they arrived in the oval office, Trump ran over to his seat, lost breath half way, sharted, and then walked the rest of the way. With a wet plop, he sat down and banged his fist on the desk.

“No more fun and games. It’s time to put my big boy pants on and do some work!”

Pence walked up behind Trump and reached into a drawer, brushing aside many drawings of Trump punching Hillary and pulled out the bill his boss was supposed to sign.

“What’s the bill, Mike?”

“Fuck the poor, take away their health care and let them fucking die by Paul Ryan.”

“Paul Ronald? I love that guy!”

Pence’s eye twitched. In his mind, he was at a cross roads between screaming about homosexuality and letting Trump’s little outburst slip. He knew his pussy grabbing boss was a good Christian who didn’t approve of gays, but what he said disturbed him on a spiritual level.

“I mean, he’s not me or anything, but Paul Renalds, I know him. He’s a great guy, believe me. I remember when I met him, I met him way back ago, he said I was supposed to be President because he knows a good deal maker when he sees one. I make the best deals, believe me, they’re the best. My deals with Paul Rogers, he looks at my deals and he agrees to them because they’re the best. Believe me, Paul Roomba, he knows my deals. This deal here, it’s the best. The best deal. And his eyes are cute!”

Pence finally had to excuse himself, leaving the President alone to sign the bill. It occurred to Trump how strange the situation was. Normally when he signs bills into law, he has everyone stand in the room with him so they can congratulate him on what a big boy thing he was doing. Where was everyone?

“This was supposed to be a bigly moment. I want my praise!” He whined and screamed and pounded, but no one came in. Not even his famous tantrumps would sway the universe this time.

Slowly the gears in his head started turning His buddies in the GOP really tried to push this bill through fast. Kushner said they were doing it before Hillary emails about it on her private server. What was so special about the bill?

He reached over on his desk and grasped it in his hands. Squinting his eyes, for the first time in years he tried to read. “F-f-fuuuuuck t-tha pooor, tac...tic? Take! Take away thi-thir? Heat-ha...”

Sweat dripped from his brow as he slowly stumbled through the title. “bie..Pool Reean...Oh Pool Ransom! I love that guy! I made a deal with him earlier, and he agreed to it saying I make the best deals. The best. I remember making a deal in Saudeyrabba with those darkies, I gave them bigly amounts of weapons for money. Such a good deal. The best deal, believe me. The un were mad for some crap about human rights or whatever, but they’re just liblosers who don’t know good deals. Not like me, I make the best deals. Like I made a deal with Bannon the other day, it was such a good deal! The best and...oh shoot! I lost my place!” He sighed heavily and moved his eyes to the top of the page.

Hours later, Pence came in, having obtained written permission by his wife to be able to hear any vaguely homosexual things from Trump even if she isn’t there. “Have you signed the bill yet, sir?”

“By pool Reea-Mikey! You made me lose my place! I don’t wanna lose like Shillery!”

Ultimately the bill wasn’t signed that day. Trump got bored of reading and instead drew a picture of his magnificent wall on the back. Completely irate but trying to keep his cool, Pence congratulated Trump on the wonderful drawing and said they could try again tomorrow while he stuck the picture to the fridge with all the other bills Donald didn’t sign.

Their moment was interrupted by Kusher whose voice I have no idea what it sounds like so I’m assuming it sounds something like Kermit the Frog. He came in and stomped his foot. “Daaaaaaaaaady! The feds are being mean to me!”

In Trump’s mind, he was so flattered. Kusher reminded Trump of himself when he was younger and asking his own father for a tiny loan of a million dollars. Ivanka, that hot piece of ass, really knows how to pick a man. But wait! If Ivanka picked Kushner, then she didn’t pick him! He was getting cucked! Uncle Bannon was right! Kusher was a dirty penny pinching jew boy who should be shoved in the oven and turned into a cake!

“Now Kusher, you know what I told you about handling the deep state.”

“Daaaaad, sending my body guard over to fire their leader didn’t work for meeeeeeee!”

“Kushner, if it worked for me, it’s bigly good. The best idea, believe me. I remember when Comey was giving me trouble, trying to investigate me and Russia. My relations with Putin, I don’t have them. I may have talked to him and agreed to win the election for him so he can systematically destroy the US from the inside out by telling me to appoint the most egregiously incompetent and malicious cabinet in presidential history who have a vested interest in destroying the very organizations they were chosen to run thus ensuring the US has very little power or influence over the world and weakening the pressure put on Russia which in turn would allow Putin to gain more influence over others...buuuuuuut I never met him, believe me! Bigly no no on meeting him!”

“Well if you don’t help me with this then I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll tell Ivanka!”

Trump leaped in the air. “Not Ivanka!”

“T-That’s right! I’ll tell her about this, daddy!”

“Okay okay! I’ll help!”

He ran out of the kitchen and out of the White House doors. For the first time, he had enough energy to do so. The prospect of losing his daughter’s affection would drive a man to do anything. At least that’s what Trump thought. When he was on the White House lawn, he finally stopped and wondered.

“Where does the feds work again? Gosh, who knew government could be so complicated?”

Dinner in the White House was supposed to be a special time. Everyone was gathered around ready to congratulate Trump on signing the bill and ensuring thousands of people would die, but were sorely disappointed when the learned that Trump tried to actually read the bill, failed to get past the title, and gave up. Still, they had to congratulate him lest the man throw another tantrump and ruin the dinner.

“An amazing job, your highness!” Rence Preibus said, raising his glass.

“Your leadership is the best! Way better than that fucking nigger was. One day, I’m going to go to his house and put a bullet in his nigglet kids, but your kids, you have the best genes. We’re the master race, Trump!” A keebler elf said. Most people call him Jess Sessions.

“I...have to use the restroo-” General Mattis was about to say before getting cut off.

“Those fucking niggers, can you believe they were in here? Once I roll back the war on drugs, all of those shit skins are going away. Every fuckin’ one of them!”

“Anyways, I’m going to leave n-”

“And the mexicans? They’re nigger lite! They’ll get it too. I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all! I swear on me lucky charms, I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all like the rabid squirrels who attacked my magical woodland kingdom. Those squirrels were fuckin’ niggers!”

Kelly Conway was ready to speak up. She was assured that there were no microwaves in the room at the moment. However, Mike Pence stopped her. “Women are to be seen, not heard, Kelly.”

“I for one am very happy for you, Trump. Not even Hitler was able to pass legislation!” Spicer beamed.

Bannon slammed both fists on the table. “Are you sayin’ tha h- *hic* Hitler, MY FUHRER, isn’t good enough?” He was ready to crawl up and strangle Spicer. “M-I-ighguhu va da b-both of us u-ughnggh”

Not even able to present a coherent thought, he passed out on his mashed potatoes. Kusher rose from his seat and pulled out a sharpie from his pocket, drawing several Stars of David on the drunk’s face.

A turtle spoke up. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to pass our health care bill, but you’ll get it next time! We’ll get rid of those poor people together, and it’ll be your victory!” McConnell tried his best to hide his burning anger. Those poors will get to live another day because of his. Paul Ryan looked him in the eyes and nodded knowingly. Both of their dreams were squashed.

“I dreamed about taking away health care from poor people since my college days,” Ryan said, “with you in charge, we’ll surely do that!”

Everyone else sang their praises, and then began to feast. Only Pence and Trump didn’t eat. The former because his wife hadn’t given him permission yet and the latter because when he looked down, he noticed that his food wasn’t a well done steak with extra ketchup but instead a massive log of shit.

“COMEY!” He shouted, flipping his plate onto Pence. “He did this! He’s always doing this! Why does he keep bullying me! I want him to stop now now now now now!”

Pence tried to comfort him. “How do you know it was Comey, sir?”

“Because he’s a fuckin’ meanie!”

“You fired him weeks ago. he doesn’t have access to our kitchen.”

“He used the deep state to do it! I know it! The whole thing’s rigged! Bigly bad!”

Trump started to straight up cry and rolled out of his high chair. Not even three scoops of ice cream would satisfy him now.

“I want him to stop now! I want the feds to stop attacking me! I want my documents to stop being leaked! I want them to ignore Russia now! Putin said this would be easy but it’s not! It’s difficult! It’s not easy peasy lemon squeasy like he said!”

Most of them had fled the room save for Kusher and Pence who spent the next several hours trying to consolidate him.

It was the first time in a long while since he heard his father’s voice. Barron Trump was in the middle of building a massive wall in Minecraft in hopes that his father will notice him, and while every previous attempt failed, he was sure it would work this time. He’d bet his fidget spinner on it!

As if a miracle from God, Trump entered his room and called his name.

“Barron, I need help with the cyber!”

“D-dad?”

“I need you to hack into the FBI and remove everything they have on me and Russia!”

“Okay, dad! I’ll do my best!”

Trump slammed the door shut and Barron got straight to work. The moment went so fast but it felt like forever. Finally, he was communicated to! He was acknowledged! Using every bit of skill he had, he remotely accessed the FBI’s database and scanned through the files, trying to find any that looked relevant to the investigation between Trump and Russia.

“Let’s see... aliens, JFK, Atlantas, big foot, little foot, 9/11, the moon landing...”

So many files; it was enough to overwhelm a kid. But Barron was an expert with a mission in mind. He wouldn’t let anything stand in his way.

“Wait, this stuff looks good.”

When he opened the data base labeled ‘Putin and orange retard’, he was treated to a page with thousands of different files connecting Trump, his administration, and the Russians. There were pictures, scans of documents, text files, and even videos.

“Wow, I wonder what dad was doing with them.”

He clicked on video titles ‘pee tapes’ and minutes later from the halls, the staff could hear his screams.

Trump was scouting through the different rooms in the White House. Inside one was his wife being triple penetrated by secret service members. “Melina or whatever, have you seen Ivanka?”

“No!”

“Ok.”

He left unaware that he was being cucked. In another room was Sessions pulling on a rope that was attached to the ceiling fan while some voice, distinctly black, was gasping for air just out of view.

“I barely recognized you in your white hood. Have you seen Ivanka?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

A third room had Spicer and Bannon wresting for alcohol. Spicer was ranting about wanting to make the pain go away while Bannon just made several drunken antisemetic slurs.

“Hey have you seen Ivanka anywhere?”

They both shook their heads before Bannon finally snatched the bottle away, flipped it to its narrow side, and smashed it over Spicer’s head. The man was knocked out and the alcohol was spilled, forcing Bannon to crawl on top of Spicer and lick it off his unconscious body.

“Boy, Pence would be mad at that!”

Finally, Trump entered a room and found Ivanka. She was dressed in the sluttiest attire she had and laying in her bed, leads spread apart. Trump was already trying to pull his pants down, having difficulty moving his gut so he can unbuckle his belt, but wasn’t even able to do that when he saw Kusher walk up and climb on top of his daughter.

“Kushner, stop cucking meeeeee!” He whined.

Ivanka didn’t react. Her mind was incapable of processing anything beyond fashion design and money. She sat there with wide open glassy eyes and a mouth slightly agape while Kusher himself turned around and looked Trump in the eyes.

“Stop it now, Kushner!”

“No!”

“I said now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!”

Kusher walked over and slammed the door shut. Donald pounded on it with his tiny hands but couldn’t break through. He cried and yelled and rolled on the floor, calling for ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis to launch a nuclear strike against the room and kill Kusher but to no success.

“I’m telling Putin on you!” He screamed again before finally leaving. Once again he crawled back into his bed all alone and could do nothing but watch the news. Fox, the only real news channel, was reporting on how Trump single handedly cured cancer while the fake news channels were talking about how Muller continues to hire the absolute best lawyers and prosecutors the country has to offer. Trump yelled at the TV to stop Muller from continuing, often mistaking Muller for Comey, but it was no use. No matter how much he cried, the TV didn’t show the investigation stopping.

He knew that morning, he would have such a rant to post on Twitter. It was a bad day. : (

#donald trump #politics

0 notes

sherlocklexa · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

from car2 http://ift.tt/2siedO7 via as shown a lot

#car2

0 notes

chocdono · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

from mix1 http://ift.tt/2siedO7 via with this info

#mix1

0 notes

petraself · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces published first on http://ift.tt/1kI9W8s

0 notes

darensmurray · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

0 notes

bespokekitchesldn · 7 years

Text

13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces

Hi guys — Sarah here. I just wanted to pop in really quick and introduce a new contributor to the blog, Caroline!

Clockwise from top left: chair / lamp / feeder / table torch / hammock / bean bag chair / lawn mower / tunic / bug spray / fire pit / table / cooler / rug

Copper Fire Pit – Upgrade your backyard fire pit to the on-trend metallic version that is sure to make any night-time soiree on the deck feel a touch more elegant.

The post 13 Must-Haves for Outdoor Spaces appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

from The Ugly Duckling House https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/13-must-haves-outdoor-spaces/

#The Ugly Duckling House

0 notes