rosiebutt74

[isobel-thorm]

My reaction(s) to Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) in no particular order

[petew21-blog]

I hate myself

I just hate my reflection now so much. His face looking back at me. I know it's my reflection now, but I still can't get used to it.

I never planned on swapping bodies with Zahir. But after what my father did, I had no choice

My father was not always a good parent, but he was great with money. He established a very fine hotel, which he planned on turning into a family business. None of my siblings were interested, because they all had their lives and their jobs. My siblings are all much older than me. I was foolish enough to think that they didn't want to help my father. But after many years of helping out instead of studying, I found out throughout that my father was a monster. He never treated people with respect, bullied his employees, and had many homophobic and transphobic comments to people, which didn't help the business, but he didn't really care as long as he had enough income.

I was closeted. And afraid to come out to my father. I knew our relationship would change after that, and I was right. After coming out to me, he never treated me the same. But he still kept me around to help him. Again, I was too naive to think that he was trying to be a better person. Nope. He got himself a new wife to impregnate and get another son. And after that he disowned me. As if I was nothing. As if I didn't help him enough to hold the place together.

I was furious and depressed. I kept checking the news of the hotel every single time I had a bit of free time. He pretended that he managed well, but it was all crumbling. And then he promoted Zahir. One of my friends who worked his way to the top by kissing ass and lying. Sorry, ex-friends now. He presented my ideas for the hotel as his own the second I left the building.

I hated him. I hated both of them from that moment. Revenge was on my mind daily now, but I had no idea how I would even attempt that.

I stumbled upon a website. It claimed to change your life for the better. Yes, you needed to pay a LOT. But I was desperate. I'm sure you understand. I sent the money and waited

I felt a nauseating feeling in my stomach. I closed my eyes. Something was happening.

I opened my eyes. YESSSS. I was back in my apartement at the hotel. Fuck yeah. It worked. I have my life back

But then I noticed some of my stuff was misplaced. The paintings on the walls were down, much more garbage on the ground than I was used to. I had a really bad feeling. I looked down

"What the fuck" a strange voice now escaped my throat. Manly, but not mine. And down below was a different view than I was used to.

Abs. I never had abs. I would kill to have abs like these, cause the gay community is so toxic about your body.

But I knew this wasn't my body. The skin was darker than my own. Maybe the website gave me a better body along with improved life

I went to the bathroom. And the second I saw my body I thought I was gonna vomit right at that spot.

Zahir

Fuckin' Zahir

That stupid freaking website turned me into Zahir

This must be a horrible joke. I turned into my enemy. A homophobic fucker who worships my father.

I looked at myself. His curly hair, his beard. I have to admit Zahir is not a bad looking guy. Maybe it could be good to be in his body. He is hot, has a great body. Maybe I could score some cute guys looking like this. And maybe I could convince my father to let me take over the hotel. I would be happier and so would my father

Ok, let's see what this body can do

I took off my new clothes. Zahir's hairy legs, hairy balls and a pretty nice dick were now available for me to explore. I entered the hot shower.

I flexed the muscles. "Oh yeah. Not bad" I touched every ridge that I now possessed. I sniffed my hairy armpits. The reeking smell hitting my nose. If I were in my body I would have been already hard at that moment

I got down to my dick. Playing with the foreskin. Feeling the weight of my new hairy balls. They were a bit larger than my own. I started jerking my new dick. Thinking about being in a new body and fucking some hot guy with it. But no matter how much I tried I couldn't get it hard.

"How do you like being impotent?" a very familiar voice could be heard behind me

I turned around and saw my old body standing in the doorway

"Zahir..."

"Not anymore, honey. I'm you now. I have to say, It's gonna get some getting used to being in your fat gay body, but nothing that a few regular trips to the gym wouldn't fix"

"Wait, you're okay with this?"

"Are you kidding? I'm now in the body of your father's heir. All I need to do is come to him and tell him I'm straight and sorry. He'll welcome me with open arms"

"Zahir, you can't do this. You can't ruin my life like this"

"Ruin your life? Honey, look at the body you now have. You should feel lucky to be looking like me. And I can't wait to tell your, sorry MY FATHER, about you stealing money and leaking secret information. He's gonna be so pissed when he finds out"

"I didn't steal anything. You can't just pin shit on my and expect it to work"

"Maybe you haven't, but I have. And I got all the evidence. Anyway, i see you're busy getting to know your... not really working manhood, thanks for that as well by the way. And I hope to never see you again. ZAHIR"

"So that's my story. That's why I hate looking at myself in the mirror"

"Right... Maybe start with something more believable next time I ask about your backstory"

"Whatever. You asked"

"Hey, the guy that was here the last time asked for you. He said that he would leave a good tip if he could piss on you"

"He knows damn well that it will cost him more. No tips will change that"

I took a shot of vodka. "Alright, let's do this. Gotta earn those money"

I looked back in the mirror at Zahir's face. God, I hate myself so much

[tossawary]

I do like time travel fics for a variety of reasons. It can be fun to see a "perfect run" fix-it fic running through the canon storyline again. There is a little suspension of disbelief required for some of them, because at some point, the little changes for the better or big tragedies averted should start to mess with the world. Very good time travel fics take this Butterfly Effect into account.

It is VERY fun to think about time-traveling characters who immediately break the plot, because they fail to or don't even try to keep things on a certain track. I love seeing authors use this jumping point to explore entirely new directions for canon. It's off-roading time!!!

Some characters are happy to work within the systems of their worlds. They'll put up with the little indignities of having do to things again and are able to act their way through a redo. (And apparently have incredibly good memories, like, damn.) The cost of keeping things roughly the same is something that they're willing to pay in order to reap specific benefits at the end of the journey.

Other characters would prefer to break the systems of their worlds. They have no patience to play by someone else's rules if they have the power to do otherwise. They may think that the world is broken as it is and needs to be changed. They may be unable to let certain injustices happen again no matter the cost to their ability to predict the future. (I admit, I have a preference for this, because I think it's more interesting, and if the protagonist is a heroic figure, I like the idea that every single life is worth trying to save if you can try.)

Anyway, this is all to say that I just read the last 100 chapters of "Naruto" and apparently Naruto was the only person keeping Sasuke from following through on his unhinged and vague supervillain plans at the end there. If you sent Sasuke back into the past, let's say from a battle with Kaguya going poorly back to the Uchiha massacre or something, and he retains his adult body or any of his abilities (full Sharingan + Rinnegan)? I cannot see that Sasuke trying to give Konoha a shot again. I don't think he trusts like that anymore.

I think he would immediately 1) kill Itachi if Itachi forces him to do it and he can't convince Itachi to join his side, 2) kill Danzo and any ROOT agents who get in his way, (2.5) kill Zetsu and Madara if he can find and catch them, and also Obito if Obito forces him,) 3) kill or try to kill the Third Hokage, and potentially 4) try to declare himself the new Fifth Hokage. Winning a lot of these fights just by taking eeeeeverybody by surprise. Or something like that, you know? I think he'd at least try to immediately do some reckless revenge murder.

If time-traveling Sasuke is stuck in his child body for a redo, and can't set himself up as the new dictator of Konoha or the new shared enemy of the shinobi world or whatever, then I think that he might just run off and join Orochimaru again. I think he would make early deals with Orochimaru for the relative freedom that offers.

Like, Sasuke just does not strike me as a particularly stable person who gives a shit about maintaining a comfortable life for everyone around him. He does not care about Konoha's image. He does not want to settle complacently into a comfortable life within this corrupt state. I think he'd rather drag out the rot and set everything on fire than sit through the frustrating false civility of politics or go to school again, if he had any choice in the matter.

A time-traveling Sasuke would not behave like a time-traveling Naruto or Sakura! So, if I had to do a time-traveling Sasuke, I'd probably reach for the "break-it" rather than the "fix-it". Konoha struggles to deal with this new, mysterious, Rinnegan-wielding Uchiha who appeared out of the middle of an incomplete massacre, just killed the Hokage, and declared himself the new one, completing the Uchiha coup at the eleventh hour. (People are saying he looks like Uchiha Izuna come back to life, apparently???) Oh, shit, someone secretly go get Tsunade and Jiraiya right now, fuck.

[whalesforhands]

what’s yours is mine (7/?)

previous masterlist next

pairing: geto suguru x reader x gojo satoru

You don’t know a lot of things, and you readily admit that. What you do know, is that the friends you’ve made aren’t something you will ever regret. Until your physical body weakens and becomes nothing, you’re more than happy to give your all until you wither away.

What’s yours can be theirs, too. They’re your friends, after-all. (Omegaverse AU)

“You’re not going to get any better if you don’t lie down.”

Yet you don’t listen, only clinging harder onto your Mama and pressing your face into her thigh from behind, helplessly balling her clothes into your fists as she watches the stove that had yet to be turned on.

Where a pot of uncooked rice porridge still sat atop, cold and unappetizing; totally unfit for a sick child such as you.

It was a curse that you swore had beset you on this unlucky day as you woke up groggy and sapped of your energy, stumbling over your blanket with shortened breaths as you tried to get to the bathroom.

You’re sure of it. An evil villain had blackened your soul, diminished your health and withered your spirit— All because you were a hero. That’s why Mama came upstairs only to find your half-dressed self face-planted onto the futon, your body trembling and clearly struggling to dress yourself without her as your eyes went teary from stress and the resentment of your weakened limbs.

“M-Mama…” Your voice is weak, strained and clearly upset as it tips over into a sob as you’re scooped up into her arms, her forehead pressed against yours in hurried moves as her much cooler hands hold your limp body.

You’re burning up.

“Honey, I think you’re sick.” It’s in a quiet coo, a soft trill to her tone in attempts to hush the beginnings of you throwing a fit.

“I-I’m n-not sick…!” You denied, hands curled into weak fists to throw a miniature, and very fatigue-ridden tantrum as your eyes tear up, bottom lip trembling as you try your best not to cry.

And Mama knows that you’re not the type to deny yourself from such things. Not the type of good child that would decline being babied and fawned over by her within any given circumstance. But she gets it, gets you.

It’s the day of the sports festival after all.

At the ripe young age of 8, sports has always been a defining point in popularity and the general likability of an individual in their class. A time for kids such as yourself to build repertoire, to build a reputation for themselves. A way to be labelled as ‘someone’.

Simply put, it was your opportunity to make friends without actually ‘making friends’. A, in your opinion, relatively smart way of flouting Satoru’s promise and Suguru’s disapproving gaze.

(Even if it made you sad to make them sad…)

So you chose to take part in the relay race, the one team based event that you think you could not possibly be bad at, your hand raised high into the air and eyes sparkling with a determination that made you believe that there was definitely a victory in sight when your teacher called for volunteers.

It went against your yearly choice of being on the cheer team, but you think change can be a good thing.

(Heroes always talk about it in anime.)

That’s why. That’s why your face was burning hot with the passion that was meant to be exerted upon the relay race, the tears leaking out of your eyes and soaking into your Mama’s skirt meant to be ones that would taste like victory when you brought great honour and glory to Class 3B.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

This is definitely the world’s revenge for making your friends upset. Heroes definitely do not have it easy, even if you did single-handedly save Satoru’s playground.

You can’t even eat the super delicious character bento that your Mama had stayed up late last night to make you as your bottom lip wobbles, frustration running high and your hands balling up the fabric of her skirt as you try your absolute hardest to make the swell in your throat go down.

You don’t want to cry. You’re strong. You’re capable. That’s why you’re a hero. That’s why you can’t let the villain who cursed you win.

And when a hand is gently rubbing your head from above alongside the sound of a pot clattering closed; it was enough to make the dam that you had so desperately tried to keep closed burst open.

“It’s okay to be sad.”

She knows how much you trained for this day. How much you let her smear sunscreen all over your face, whining and letting her pat your cheeks as you slip your feet into velcro sneakers, waving her goodbye with your waterbottle tucked underneath your armpit and a hanky in your pocket.

“Satoru said he’ll help me train.” Your look of determination barely falters as you smile up at her. “So I’m gonna work really, really hard.”

Gojo Satoru. The anchor of your class, the star boy who effortlessly gets the best grades despite sleeping through most of the lessons, and the one unanimously decided by the majority that he is the running last because that was just how fast he was. Don’t get yourself wrong, Suguru was fast. And really smart too.

But Gojo Satoru was just too exceptional even for the above average.

So that’s why you’re out here, an empty plastic cup in your hands acting as the ‘baton’ and Suguru waving a palm in front of your face to break you out of your daydreaming trance.

“You sure you wanna train when it’s so hot out?” His brows are furrowed and his lips are downturned into a frown. “Satoru and I don’t mind, but you don’t really like playing outside.”

Other than the playground anyway.

“Mmhm.” A nod of your head and the clenching of your fingers around the replacement baton as your own eyes hued with a fiery resolve met his worried purple. “I gotta do it.”

You’ll do it for glory. For the future where you’ll be as highly revered as your friends, for the classmates to even possibly think that you were the slightest bit cool.

“You’ll help, right?” Your smile is innocent and far too happy, the giddiness on the cheeks that were too cute for him to say anything else.

“…okay.” Anything for you.

This was your hero training arc.

“And Suguru’s gonna be passing to you from that tree, and you’ll pass to me! So we’re gonna practice that by running up and down this path I made Kimi-chan mark out!”

“Seriously? Where’d ya even get them?”

“I made Kimi-chan buy them, duh.”

That sounds easy enough, right? The cones that had been laid out practically beckon you as your ears no longer pick up on the chatter between your 2 friends, a giddy excitement in your stomach as you clench your fists with blazing resolve.

Well, some things are easier said than done.

A fall.

“(name)-sama, are you okay?!” Hands hurriedly pulling you back up to your feet as fingers fumble over your knees. “That was quite a bad fall…!”

Another stumble.

“I’ll run faster so that you have more time to pass to Satoru, okay?” His words are only slightly chopped, slightly winded from the multiple laps that he had gone as his hanky presses against your scratched knee.

An unprecedented tripping over your own feet. Or was it the air…?

“W-What? Ya were so close that time! How’d ya even fall?!” Gojo Satoru is the one who catches you this time, having hurriedly trying to break your fall having noticed the slightest odd bend in your ankles.

“Kimi-chan! How long did that take?!” He pants, wiping the sweat off his brow as the baton sticks to his slick hand, snowy hair sticking to his forehead as Suguru fans himself under the shade of the tree you were all taking refuge under, letting you catch your breath by leaning against him.

Said caretaker looks up from where she was icing your bruises, hands moving swiftly to take another look at the timer. “Exactly 2 minutes and 38 seconds, Young Master.”

“Ehhh? That’s so slow!”

And while you don’t cry a lot, but it doesn’t mean that you never will. It doesn’t mean that you don’t feel frustrated at the fact that you ran so much every single day after school, panting and feeling the heat of the sun on your hands, the sticky feeling of your clothes on your skin as you try not to feel faint. Try to get your bearings back every single time the boys practically ran laps around you.

Training is difficult. And it’s even more difficult to have to come to terms with what was now out of your reach.

“There’s always next year,” Her hand pats your back as her voice is barely above a whisper, gently wiping your tears as you feel her hand upon your chin, gingerly making you release your jaw so that you won’t bite down on your lips.

“What you worked hard for won’t disappear just like that.”

So that you won’t be so hard on yourself either.

“B-but I can’t—“ Can’t do anything even if you worked so hard for it. It’s become useless all on its own, even when you had so clearly forced down more vegetables these days in preparation, gulping down lots and lots of water to aid in the healthiness power up.

“What you can do now is do your best to cheer for your friends, okay? Then your effort won’t go to waste if you cheer really, really hard for them.” Your sight is blurry as you blink through your tears, staring up at the soft expression of your Mama’s face, the fever patch on your head making you start to feel faint.

“You’re really good at cheering too.” Not to brag or anything, but your Mama is definitely right. But you think your running is definitely and hopefully much better.

But that’s the only thing you can do for them now. A second chance, a gleaming, glowing chance that paves way to make up for the fact that you couldn’t win together with them.

So you accept it.

“Okay…” Even if you can’t see them, even if you can’t even cheer for them physically like you did in the previous years. But you’ll pray, pray really really hard in your head that they will win, that they would be the ones to bring the glory that you couldn’t.

You really hope it goes well. You really, really, really hope so as your chin rests on your Mama’s shoulder, your legs wrapped around her waist and her hand patting your back as she carries you up the stairs.

You do wonder how they’re doing up to now, though. Hopefully… Winning?

“No!” A cross of his arms and a huff of annoyance. “No way am I gonna receive from some nobody!” A decisive stamp of his foot into the dirt below, his back turned onto the only other person here that would even dare to go this close to him, especially when he’s kicking up a dust cloud alongside throwing yet another tantrum.

“You’re being too much, Satoru.” He sighs with a palm pressed to his forehead, his hair now shorter than ever so as to comply with school regulations as he watches his stubborn friend.

At least it won’t get in his face when he’s doing sports. Much unlike the fuming Gojo Satoru in front of him.

“Oi Suguru! How could ya let that hag tell us what to do?!”

And Geto Suguru feels like his head was going to split open. “Our homeroom teacher only suggested that we get a replacement because we’re short of one.”

At least, that’s what he’s been trying to get across for the past 10 minutes.

“We don’t need anybody replacin’ her!” Another stomp onto the ground as the blue-eyed boy pouts even harder, making a pebble launch off the ground and rocket towards the concrete wall to ricochet with a force full of repulsed impatience. “They’re gonna be stupider than her for getting sick t’day!”

“Then our class would be a person short, Satoru. And don’t call people stupid.” Because you’d probably be the one to make that comment right about now. Not that it matters, even if it came from the noiret who even tried to dissuade him with words that you’d probably say—

All for naught. Even if they mimicked the way you spoke, it just doesn’t have the same effect. So Geto Suguru had decided to just give up entirely to be the crass, straight to the point self that scratched at the nerves of the neighbourhood Gojo.

(And it looked like Satoru liked this version of him better, anyway.)

It doesn’t make logical sense to skip out on manpower. Not at all, especially when they’re in this specific category looking for a win. Yet, Suguru gets it as his nose scrunches and his brows furrow. He gets why the boy is so adamant on your position not getting swiped from underneath their noses.

(He won’t admit it though. If he does it first, it means Satoru wins.)

“It’s not like you can stop being sick all of a sudden.”

You worked so hard, after all. You would never be the type to lie to skip out on this. You’re just… Unlucky. Or was it their fault for making you play in those rain puddles…?

(“It’s not fair! I even made my maids pack extra special Digimon bentos to eat t’day!”

“Eat them yourself then—“

“No!”)

Alas, he still has to deal with the spoiled prince whom even the teachers seem too scared to make him upset. Seriously, what is up with everyone and the Gojo family?

“Then you just gotta run faster!” A poke of a proud finger into the young boy’s chest, a purposeful prod that was barely teetering on a threat as those shiny blue hues were ignited by a flare of indignation.

A glare that commanded Suguru’s obedience and compliance as those angry cheeks puff up even more.

Suguru would like to deny it, but you’re right when you say that this spoiled, stubborn, annoying boy was c—

“I don’t wanna receive from anybody else!” A click of his tongue as his shoe kicks at the dirt below him, and a smack against the black-haired boy’s shoulder as flabbergasted amethyst clashes against unrelenting sapphire.

“And we’re gonna win, no matter what. So don’t drag us down or I won’t forgive you!”

Good god, he was so difficult to deal with. Not that this was anything out of the ordinary for Geto Suguru, though.

A sigh, and childlike hands that clasped their together into a determined handshake, fingers squeezing into a promise just as the blare of the loudspeaker comes on to announce the start of their event.

“Say that to yourself first, Satoru.” A tightening of their hands as the ‘handshake’ gets ever tighter with their growing adrenaline. “I won’t forgive you either if you lose to the rest of them.”

(“Also, can’t ya eat your bentos yourself? My mama packed me one too with cold soba—“ He immediately shuts up when he spots the angry pout on his friend’s face, red cheeks and fuming anger that threatened to have steam blow out his ears.

And the— Sight of eyes that looked like they were gonna… Cry?

Oh.

“…let’s save some for (name) when we eat them later.”)

——

“Dear,” A cool hand pushes your hair back as you groggily blink awake, tummy still warm from porridge and forehead feeling slightly damp from the soft, moist cloth against your heated skin. “Are you feeling better?”

“Mn…” You think your body is starting to feel less heavy, less burdensome on your bones as you let out a groan, small hand reaching out for the glass of water that looked like it was floating in front of you.

Magic glasses of water taste the best. You would know since you had a couple today. At least… You think it’s magic. It is, right? That’s why they always fly around and looked like there was always more than one surrounding you.

“Geto-san came over with some soup when she heard you were sick.” She’s gently smoothing down your hair as you start to perk up, shifting slightly so as to be able to sit up properly against your Mama’s arm supporting you against your back.

“You can eat it later, okay?”

You hope you have strength to go over and thank her later, though… Do you have to give her something as thanks too? It must be hard, having to make a soup that would help cure the curse upon your body…

Mama stops momentarily as she watches you from above, humming slightly when you finally down the rest of your glass and let out a little sigh, fully going lax against your Mama’s cooler to the touch body as you cuddle up against her.

She should take more off days to stay together with you more—

“Oh, and your friends. They came over to visit as well.”

And that has you whipping around to face your Mama, the sudden movement making your stiff neck cramp slightly from how long you laid down.

But it doesn’t matter. The pain won’t stop you. Won’t stop the racing thoughts you had through your head that mostly overpowered the soreness of your neck.

Was the sports event already over? Did they win? Did they lose— No. Wait. That’s impossible. Your friends could never, would never lose. Oh, but what if there was a possible chance there was? Even if heroes suffered a little bit sometimes the villain could still win—

“But I couldn’t let them in.”

“(name)’s mama! Is she awake yet?” This was probably the third time they had knocked against the front door, hands on his hips and blue eyes staring up at the all too patient woman.

“Satoru— My mama said we have to wait.” Purple eyes blink up at her apologetically. “Sorry, (name)‘s mama, we can wait a while longer—“

“But it’s been like— Too long, Suguru! How much longer until she wakes up???”

Oh. That sucks. You visibly deflate, a whimper escaping you as your shoulders slump into defeat. You can’t even talk to them or else you’ll pass your dirty, cursed germs to them…

“Nothing a call can’t fix,” She uses a soft handkerchief to wipe any remnant moisture, petting your head as her eyes briefly meet the drawn curtains of your shared bedroom.

“And I might… Have a better idea.”

Excited waves from the window, shimmers of gold against reflective glass and your widening eyes as the summer breeze flutters the curtains and ruffles through your hair.

It’s windier than you thought, with the sun in your eyes and the cicadas singing in this heat.

(Or was it because you just spent most of the day sleeping?)

“Look! I won the medals for us!” Half his body was practically hanging off of the window ledge, hands holding all 3 shiny medals as his lower half was held back only by the more responsible friend clinging onto Satoru’s waist and pulling with all the might an 8 year old might have.

“Satoru! Don’t lean over the window— And we won those together!”

A haughty huff.

“Ya, but you didn’t cross the finish line, did ya? I did! But look, look! We got your medal too!”

(“You’re so annoying!”

“Blehhhh!” A stick out of his tongue as excited blue kept jumping in place despite the dangerous position he put himself in. “Kimi-chan’s already down there to catch me just in case, anyway!”)

Golden and shiny and everything that encompassed a winner. It shone so brightly even when competing against the late afternoon sunshine, stood out even when held

Winners. They’re winners.

But if you think about it all on your lonesome, looking upon those shiny medals and standing by your window with your futon wrapped around your form…

There’s something odd about this empty feeling inside of you. Something that lingers in the same sense disappointment would, swirling around you and making you feel… Bad.

Why? You’re happy that your class won, happy that they managed to win the glory you’ve been going on and on about in your head. They’re winners, beat out all the other people who trained hard for this event as well. What is this disgusting feeling of secretly hoping that they lost?

So why? Why is it that you feel this way even as they smile so proudly at you, proclaiming that they’ll personally hang the medal around your neck when you get better so that they can dub you a winner too—

“See? Ya didn’t have to worry about us at all, (name)!” His sparkling blue eyes close to form a matching grin with Suguru who was too busy smiling at you despite your sick state, eyes too busy to notice Gojo Satoru smacking his shoulder when they’re stuck staring at you.

“You’re getting better, right? Your Mama said that you slept a lot. We can talk more with our telephone when Satoru’s gone cause he’s annoying.”

“Hey! I want a string telephone connecting to all your houses too!”

“You live too far. So it’s only mine and (name)’s.”

Ah. You think you get it now. Understand why you feel this way as your hand gingerly presses against your hot cheek and sliding up to your eyes to feel the wetness that was starting to form.

When did you—?

It has your friends doing a double take.

“(name)… Are you crying?” Please don’t cry.

“I-I think she’s just happy that we won! Right, (name)?” Please don’t cry. Not right now.

Because you realize these weren’t tears of happiness, after all. It was the realization that— Despite all your training, despite all the effort you put in to help them, help this class…

They didn’t need you to win after all.

“…yea! Good job!” Your smile feels too unlike any that you’ve ever given, all stretched awkwardly and like it didn’t belong.

This wasn’t you. You know it so, since this is your own self you’re talking about.

You’ve definitely been cursed.

——

And so, it wasn’t long after that you finally recovered, finally able to properly get onto your feet. Finally able to get dressed without your Mama's help, finally able to pick up your backpack without faceplanting onto the ground... All that healing food did wonders.

("You're so happy today, Satoru." You can't help but smile at the boy holding hands with both yourself and your black-haired friend as all 3 of you sat in his car, listlessly listening to the radio together as he sat directly in between the both of you, tips of his ears red as he tries to act... Cool.

"Oh? Satoru, what's with that face?" A smug smile and upturned purple eyes. "Don't tell me it's because you missed-"

"Shut up, Weird Bangs!")

So imagine your surprise when your teacher beckons someone in from outside your classroom door, the entrance sliding open and the taps of an unfamiliar pair of shiny, brand new indoor shoes against the floors of this familiar classroom.

A new kid. One that had a pretty mole by her eye and her prettier name written so neatly upon the blackboard in such neat chalk lines that you just can’t help but feel envious.

“Ieiri Shoko. Please take care of me.” With only the slightest bow as she stares ahead blankly, eyes avoiding the whispers of your already chattering class.

It must be scary, right? To have to stand there and do that… You don’t think you want to be in her position right now.

“Do you think she’s scared?” It’s a thoughtless whisper to the only other person who could possibly hear right now, your own gaze meeting familiar purple.

“Maybe.” He’s dismissive, as if he didn’t care too much as he takes out his pencil case. “I brought the colour pencils you wanted to see, by the way.”

Ohh—! You’ve been wanting to—

“She looks boring.” His crass huff from your other occupied side makes you think he already doesn’t like her. “Don’t talk to her, (name).”

Shimmering comets for eyes turn to meet yours, glowing with a certain spark that had hidden thoughts.

“You’ll get into trouble.”

“Thank you, Ieiri-chan. Please sit at the empty desk near the back by Minato-chan.” A shuffle of papers as your homeroom teacher neatens the stack. “I want you all to be nice to our new friend, okay?”

“Okay, sensei!”

“Good! Now let’s begin class.”

Lunch rolls by far too quickly today. You swear the clock is definitely moving faster than usual.

“Heyyyyy. Stop studying and let’s go playyyyy!” A poke of your cheek as you stare at Suguru’s workings, eyes narrowing as you try to make sense of these complicated numbers.

“Ah, make sure you erase this. You’ll get confused if you don’t.”

“Is this right?” Your paper is pushed towards the more helpful of your friends, anticipating his praise as you wait with bated breath as his purple eyes scan over the worksheet.

You definitely got it this time. Definitely.

“Suguruuuuu! Y’er so slow, I’ll do it!” And that has him snatching up the starting to crumple sheet, blue eyes screening over it with ferocious and frightening accuracy, his cute brows furrowed and his bottom lip jutted out as he lets out a huff.

“This one’s wrong.” A finger taps against your paper, drawing a circle with his fingertip as he yawns. “And this one. This too.”

“The last one was s’pposed to be right but ya forgot to carry the 1 over.” His cheeks puff with dismissiveness when he looks up to only see Suguru comforting you with pats on your shoulder.

Oh.

“W-What? I only checked ‘em over!” He’s not at fault again for something, right? He was sure this was a more straightforward thing of being correct or not, something that shouldn’t be that big of a deal even if it’s because of the way he spoke—

If you hadn’t gotten them all wrong, that is.

“…it’s okay, (name). We can just practice them again.” And you pout, letting Suguru pat your head in consolation as you stare down at the hurriedly marked paper that was handed back to you. “Satoru just doesn’t know how to be nice cause he’s mean.”

“Hey! I can be nice!” Fuming rage and his hands slamming against his desk. “I’ll help ya both study later if (name) gives me a hug and the pudding in your fridge!”

And he’s serious about it. You can tell by his shiny cheeks and those smug half-lidded eyes that he would help— Even if you didn’t give him the pudding. The hug would be mandatory, though.

“What does my pudding even have to do with all this?”

All this whilst that new girl sat alone in the back of the class by herself. She’s not good at making friends, you notice. Quietly keeping to herself as she flips through a book, ignoring the cries of your schoolmates running down the hallway and into the wide, wide yard.

And when hands squeeze your cheeks together, mushing your face into his palms and making you turn away—

“You shouldn’t look at other people when we’re here. Sato—“ He stops himself, eyes moving from the pouting boy and back to your face that was in his hands. “I don’t like it.”

You must’ve been staring for too long.

——

“I don’t wanna go!” He’s clinging to you, backpack hastily thrown onto the ground as Kimiko-san tries her absolute hardest to persuade her young master into the car.

“Please, Satoru-sama. You have martial arts training—“

“Don’t wanna! I wanna stay with (name)!”

So all you can do is stand there and pat his shoulder, his head on your not at all stiff shoulder as you reciprocate his overly attached self, blinking up at a panicking Kimiko-san before down to the head of fluffy white.

“Suguru said he’ll beat you up with judo if you don’t go.”

Because he’s in the club. And he’s really good at it. Better than Satoru, actually.

“That dummy’s not gonna beat me.” It’s off handed and far too self assured as it’s muffled by the strap of your bag.

“You don’t know that.” You really don’t. Suguru’s been going on and on about training a lot, and he let you both see how he could do a flip once. At least— You think it counts as a flip anyway.

And you can hear him mutter unintelligible words, before he pulls away, his hands grabbing onto your shoulders and ferocious, narrowed eyes staring at you head-on with a pout on his lips.

“You better be at home to play with me when we’re back!”

“Okay.” You nod, sticking out your pinky towards him as you smile. “I promise.”

“Hmph!” He takes it, roughly, with a pout that turned into a satisfied smile as he finally— Finally gets in the car.

(“Thank you so much, (name)-sama…”

“It’s okay. I heard Libras were unlucky today cause the stars aren’t aligned for them. You should be cautious about the people around you, lest you run into trouble.”

“T-Thank you, (name)-sama…? Please get home safe. Weather reports say that it will rain soon.”)

And what unexpectedly occurred— Was the fact that the new kid was waiting in the same area as you were, waiting out the rain due to a neglected umbrella that probably sat near her door.

Which was the same case as you were. Except— Despite Kimiko-san’s warning, you ended up wandering around school too long in hopes of getting to watch Suguru train.

“Hi.” You’re trying to make conversation now that it’s just the both of you. Alone. By yourselves. This is a rare chance, honestly. You can count how many times you’ve been left like this by your friends on one hand throughout the years you’ve all been together.

It’s a chance you don’t really want to pass up. Time to put those social skills you’ve gleaned over the years into good use.

(From all those TV shows you’ve watched, of course. Your zodiac sign said that you’ll be lucky if you put yourself out there! And you’re outside right now, so you definitely have been buffed. A special power-up, if you will.)

“…hello.” A response. This is a success. A major success that you got on your own accord.

(Onto the next phase!)

“So didya hear about the… Recent sports festival?” You nod your head. Perfect. Perfect follow-up. “Our school held one a couple days ago.”

“Oh. That.” She doesn’t look up from the book she had been reading all this time. And now that you’re much closer to her than you ever were before—

You realize it’s a manga. Not a book. Technically, she is holding onto a book, but utilizing the hard cover page to cover up the fact that the manga had been sneakily slotted in.

“I was meant to join just a day before, actually. But I made my mama wait a couple days more.”

What.

“You waited until the day after?” Why? Why would she— This new girl do such a thing when it could bring you and your class such great glory?

“But the sports festival is fun…” And a great chance to make a ton of new friends. She’s not under the same promises that you made.

She goes silent, the mole on her cheek rising with her huff as she looks off to the side, out to the open air space that held the path to the school entrance as droplets of water tap against the tips of her shoes.

“Cause it’s bothersome.”

Oh. That’s a new type of answer.

“Do you hate bothersome things?”

And finally— She looks into your eyes, pushing back a stray strand of her long hair and her eyes hued with dews of luster brown that reminded you of the autumn sunset surrounded by orange leaves and sunset rays.

“Yea.”

“Oh.” That’s all you know how to say now, actually. Um… How do you respond to that?

So you go silent. You think she might be annoyed. Hopefully she’s not? You hope she likes you, though. And that you left an okayish impression. Should you tell her she’s pretty? But still, Suguru’s prettier but you can’t tell her that—

“Do you… Usually let them treat you like that?” She sounds… Bored. Maybe taken aback. Or was it simply just curiosity?

Either way, you’ve never really heard anyone ask about that— Other than your Mama, of course. But you tell her everything practically everyday.

“Is there something—“ How should you say it? Is she trying to tell you something? You think it’s fine, even if you don’t know how other people view it. “Bad about the way they treat me?”

You watch as she thinks for a bit, staring off to the side for a bit and up into the dark skies as the rain starts to pour just that little bit harder.

“Not at all.”

——

“Stop looking at me like that, you brat.”

Your eyes were practically boring into him as you watch him rub at a bruise on his cheek, his knuckles stained with dried blood and his green eyes narrowed into a mean glare.

“Did you beat up some—“ You try to think about how he described those people the last time you talked to him— Which was around last week, maybe?

“Butt ugly misters?”

It’s not the exact wording he used, but whatever he says makes you scared to parrot them since you’ve seen one of the old aunties— Sugimoto-san quite literally gasp when she heard him talk once.

“They’re motherfuc— Bad people. Don’t call them misters.”

“You said you didn’t care what I call them though.”

And all you get in response is the click of his tongue. “Whatever, brat.”

Silence. It’s steady and beating and not at all uncomfortable as you watch him pull out another piece of his snack, big teeth chewing with an open mouth and manners flying away. Yet, you still end up asking from your built up curiosity and these mere few minutes just before either of your friends would make it home.

It’s your free time, anyway.

“Mister, am I a bothersome person?” Like those thugs that he gets into scraps with practically every month?

A deep huff as his teeth chew on dried squid, gnawing at the tough exterior as he stares off into the oranges of the sky. “Duh. Who even likes annoying brats like you?”

Even when he says it like that, you can’t help but feel that it’s not true. There’s a reason you hang around him, a reason you still stay despite how mean and nasty this almost adult can be and how often he lies about how he definitely didn’t get into fights.

It’s because he reminds you a little of Satoru.

His words may cut, may be a little overwhelming and cruel. But they ultimately held no weight, nothing particularly soul-crushing or tear weeping.

You might even dare to say that even his insults sound very comforting to you.

That was why you were eating the very crushed biscuits that had been almost mashed into dust right out of the very crinkled plastic packaging that it came out from right now.

(He bought it for you.)

“Nuh uh. Mama says I’m a good kid.”

Maybe it’s the sincerity in your tone, the innocence that can only come from a child that got him thinking.

He doesn’t know how to describe how he’s feeling right now as he stares down at his bruised knuckles, bloody and calloused and hastily bandaged as he grunts.

“Then stop hanging out with me if you think that, kid.”

previous masterlist next

[maddiethedog2]

Proper Supervision

You never should trust a little unsupervised. Who knows what sort of trouble they'll get up to or what rules their break if they aren't properly watched or restrained? Nothing is worse than coming out of your bedroom to find your little one trying to sneak into the bathroom to use the potty for their stinkies rather than their diaper.

More importantly, constant supervision is an essential part of reminding your little that they are not and will never be an independent adult again. It's impossible to think of yourself as a person big and responsible enough to care for yourself when your caregiver doesn't trust you enough to leave you alone for a minute.

But, constant in-person, supervision by a single caregiver is impossible. Caregivers have adult responsibilities that littles will never understand such as work, social lives, and using the potty. So, that begs the question, how do we, as caregivers, fill that gap?

Babysitters

When you can't watch your little yourself, calling in back up is a tried and true solution. But, who do you call? The options are endless.

For instance, when in a pinch, you can always call in your little one's biological Mommy or Daddy. Who knows better (besides yourself, of course) how to wipe your little's stinky bottom than the people who have been doing it from the beginning?

But, Mommy 1.0, isn't always an option, so, who else can you turn to? Friends are always another great source of support. Do you have a best friend who you know your little diapered buddy has been nursing a cute little crush on for years? Make sure it's never acted on by calling that friend over to babysit while you're out on a date with a REAL adult.

But, you don't just have to rely on your own friends. Your little one's adult friends can be a great resource too! Nothing will eliminate the possibility of your little feeling like an adult again than their best friends, their only hope of escape, laughing at them as they squat down and load their pants with yet another stinky, brown load.

The options don't stop there! Does your little brat need taken down a peg? Were they prideful and mean prior to being forced to accept their rightful place as your adorable little bean? You can always find a babysitter who reminds them of just how far they've fallen.

Do you remember that attractive co-ed neighbor that your little used to babysit (and maybe torture) in their old life? They're an adult now. Nothing will put your little one back in their place quite like having their diapers changed by someone they used to care for themselves! And, if your neighbor decides to take out some well-deserved revenge, all the better.

But, none of these options hold a candle to my personal favorite choice for a temporary caregiver: a middle. A middle is one of those poor 'adults' who by choice or their own poor behavior who will forever be treated as nothing more than a moody little middle schooler by their partner.

Middles make great babysitters for a number of reasons. First, they don't let littles get away with anything. Whether it is a malevolent streak caused by the feeling of superiority they get from having a charge of their own or the desire to prove how 'big' and 'responsible' they really are in order to regain some semblance of adulthood, middles do a great job at keeping littles in line.

Second, and more importantly, using middles as babysitters also keeps the middles in line. There is nothing quite like the look of fear on a middle's face as they look at a little and learn that, but for a few different choices, they too could be crawling around in a messy diaper like the former adult in front of them. Plus, if things go wrong (or right, depending on your perspective), in a few short months, the middle you hired as a babysitter may be a little that you are arranging a playdate with.

Baby Monitors

Hiring a babysitter is not always a reasonable solution for when you just can't be physically present with your little one. Either the time frame you're out of the room is too short (sometimes you just need to take an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom) or you can't find help in time. That's where technology has kindly stepped in to allow for 24/7 supervision, even when there isn't a real 'adult' immediately around.

Getting the right baby monitor is essential to proper supervision. Of course, there are the classic models that only convey noise. They are cheap, but not very effective. Especially bratty and willful littles can easily overcome the modicum of surveillance that they provide. What is truly essential for proper supervision of your little one is a monitor that transmits both video and audio recordings. With that level of technological sophistication, you will always know precisely whether your little one is obeying all of your rules or trying to take advantage of your absence.

I would suggest a few features in addition to standard audio and visual surveillance, however. First, I would suggest that any baby monitor have the ability for the caregiver to remotely talk to their adorable, little pamper packer. Nothing will stop a naughty little brat in their steps like the disembodied voice of a caregiver calling them out for their bad behavior.

An even more important feature is the ability for the monitor to record and save what it monitors. Sure, being able to immediately check on your little one and make sure they are obeying your rules at that moment is good. What's better is the ability to go back and make sure that your little was following their rules during the entirety of their 'independent' time.

More fun, the ability to record, save, and replay segments of what your choice of baby monitor sees is a great tool to remind your diapered charge how little and pathetic they really are. Is your little one complaining about how they don't need diapers? Replay a compilation of clips showing them making stinkies in their padded pants. Are they telling you that they don't like being treated like a baby? Replay the last time that they made tried to make secret cummies humping their favorite stuffie. With the proper baby monitoring system, you can constantly re-enforce their status with audio and visual evidence.

For bonus points, create a 'best of' video of your little's most embarrassing moments. Replaying the video can serve as both an excellent punishment, as well as the perfect show to watch while cuddling with your little one just before bedtime.

Restraints

For particularly bull-headed littles, a baby monitor is just not going to be enough to keep them behaving when their caregiver isn't around. In that situation, there is always the old reliable method to maintain proper behavior: physical restraints.

When the fear of being caught just won't work, your supervision may need to come in the form of restraints. How much you lock down your little really depends on their behavior.

Does your little refuse to agree that they need diapers and refuse to wear them? A locking diaper cover and locks on the bathroom door may be enough to gain compliance.

Does your little pamper packer like being a baby a little too much? That same locking diaper cover supplemented by extra padding and locking mittens may be needed to keep your little one acting like the perfect little angel you know they can be.

Is your little just a naughty little brat who tries to get into trouble in any way possible? Being tied to a crib or locked into a crate may be the only option for you.

Proper supervision is an important part of the caregiver/little dynamic. Consider all of your options and use the ones that are best for you, so you can really see your little truly accept who they are!

[aphelion-neon]

I love svsss, it’s a great book. I love Sj, he’s a complex character with a great story. I hate how ppl treat Sj. Everyone talks about how poor Sj deserved better, he shouldn’t have been murdered. Lbh is in the wrong for killing him.

Sj 100% deserved his ending. He was a terrible person. Yes, his backstory is really tragic, but that doesn’t excuse his abuse and neglect of his peak and duties.

Sj wasn’t some innocent bystander in Lbh’s abuse. He actively participated and promoted it. He has the choice to not pick Lbh, but he did. He saw a 13 yr old boy and was a jealous 40+ yr old man. No one forced Sj to pick Lbh. That was his choice to take him.

After willingly taking Lbh on as a disciple, he abused him to no end. He motivated everyone to target Lbh. Yes, other peaks also had abuse/neglect going on, but that doesn’t make what Sj did okay, or any better.

He attempted to murder a child on multiple occasions. Lbh has done absolutely nothing to Sj, yet he tried to kill Lbh multiple times. He even gave Lbh the faulty cultivation novel so he would have a qi deviation. He make Lbh fight a demon who was 10x his strength. Everything he did was to abuse Lbh, a child he willingly let onto his peak. To top it off, he pushed Lbh into literal hell(I give hims some slack bc that was the whole demon Lbh reveal).

This neglect didn’t even stop at Lbh, he neglected the rest of his peak. He was a terrible master for his peak. He also treated the people around him like shit. Everyone didn’t hate him for no reason. He was a cold and cruel man to his fellow peak lords. Their dislike didn’t come from thin air.

Then, after everything, when Lbh is enacting his revenge, he admits to not regretting a single Thing he did. Sj even said if he could do it again, or would do worse to Lbh.

Not once is Sj remorseful for what he did to a child who’s only mistake was having potential. Sj did not deserve any better than what he got. A sad backstory is no excuse for his terrible actions.

Yes, Yqy not coming back for Sj was terrible. Yes the abuse Sj went through as a slave was horrible. That does not change the horrendous person he turned into. There was no external force that made Sj pick Lbh, nothing making him abuse Lbh. All of his actions were his own, of his own free will.

TLDR: Sj nah have a tragic backstory, but he still deserved his ending.

[mellon1998]

On the subject of Kipperlilly Copperkettle...

It's okay if you like her, it's okay if you want her to be redeemed. It's okay to wish she had been revived and redeemed and grown as a character. Some of you may relate to her, may know people who were once like her, and it can be daunting to see yourself in a character and see them not get the chance to grow. After all, you got that chance, people you know like her got that chance. We all look back on parts of ourselves we've moved past (maybe even are still working on) and are glad to be past them. We're glad people loved us through those parts of ourselves.

I need you all to understand something though: You chose to change. People like Kipperlilly cannot grow or change until they choose to. Kipperlilly doesn't want to change, she does not recognize the flaws in herself. She may be aware of her anger issues, but she doesn't see her want for power as wrong. She doesn't see her desire for recognition she didn't earn as wrong. She doesn't see the issues of romanticizing trauma and hating people you don't even know and who have done nothing to you. She doesn't see a need to change her ways. Unless and until she does she will not change, no matter what anyone else may do or say.

More than anything, we see this in the fact that she chose Porter. We don't know the series of events that took place, but Brennan made it very clear that she chose him of her own freewill. She chose his side, she chose to force her decision on her party, she chose to kill Lucy and Buddy, she chose to end the world to gain power. She chose to end the world to get revenge on people who, at that point, had never even spoken to her. Up until the final fight, the worst thing they ever did to Kipperlilly was trade quips and call her four dogs.

The truly sad part? She probably never will. I've known many people like Kipperlilly who still, after years and years, refuse to recognize their own flaws. Refuse to seek help. They are given chance after chance, people choosing every single day to love them through their flaws, and they refuse to change.

Kipperlilly is addicted to power, we see this in so many ways. We see this in how she so very clearly tried her utmost to be the leader of the High 5 Heroes seemingly unprompted, as evidenced by 3 (maybe 4) of the other 5 not liking her. People don't tend to be chill about someone forcing their way into the position of leader. Especially in small groups. We see this in how she saw grinding would, at least in the early days, be more efficient for leveling than adventuring. She wanted the power, not the skills and experience. We see this in her bid for class president. She questioned if Kristen actually had any interest in improving the school, if Kristen cared. Did you care about the students or making the school better, Kipperlilly? We saw no evidence of that. The only things she wanted to do was make things better and easier specifically for herself.

It sucks. She is a kid, she isn't pure evil. Even in the world of dnd with devils and demons, nobody is pure evil. She could be more, she could grow as a person. She could use her eye for efficiency but learn to also take the necessity of practical application into account to help her party improve. She could use her abilities to hide and blend in to potentially do really good work to make the world better. She could have been more, but she didn't want to. It's unfortunate, but it's true. She didn't want to change.

Yes, she did go to therapy with Jawbone, but we don't know why. We know it was for anger issues, but we don't know that it was her choice to go. Her parents or the school could have forced her to. Even then, based on the notes, it doesn't sound like she was really interested in using therapy to help her grow as a person. She just used it to vent, which can be a part of therapy but it's not everything.

At the end of the day, she made her choices. None of which were to grow as a person.

[grumfield]

hi!. first of all, i'm absolutely obsessed with your blog, thank you for posting, i've never felt so validated reading someone's posts before. i'm currently falling deeply into the star wars abyss and i was wondering if you could recommend any books you personally liked (the angstier the better)? i'm a complete fandom newbie, so far I've only seen movies and clone wars season one, but id love to hear your opinion on what I should read next. if it's not a weird request. sorry if it is! have a nice day.

WAAAAH thank you so much!!! So glad you’re here and I’m SO HAPPY to recommend books to you because I was exactly in your position only a few months ago!

Okay. So the consensus within the fandom, especially if you’re an Obikin enjoyer (not sure if you are, but if you’re following me I suspect you at least find their platonic dynamic compelling), is that if you’re going to read one book it’s the Revenge of the Sith novelization by Matt Stover, and I agree with this. I’m not someone who was ever interested in reading movie novelizations but this book single handedly changed my mind. It’s exceptionally well written and just has this pervasive sense of growing doom that’s super unsettling while also giving a lot of emotional dimension to all of the characters in ways that film really isn’t able to. There’s a lot of interesting choices that are made—Anakin’s fall feels explicitly like Palpatine is taking advantage of an oncoming mental health episode and pushing him to snap, Anakin’s perception of the Obi-Wan/Padmé affair is tied more to anxieties about the two people he loves most not wanting him around than infidelity…there’s a lot of scenes that are in the book that aren’t in the movie that really just hit like a gut punch.

It’s absolutely great for angst, it’s written in such a unique way and literally the last scene gave me full body chills when I first read it. Horrible, beautiful, highly recommend it. Also uses second person narration in ways that are very clever.

(Also, it like…portrays Obi-Wan as like. A repressed gay monk in love with his oblivious straight friend and it’s incredible)

Now for my more personal recommendations for after you read that, if you want more!

I am a massive Rogue Planet and Jedi Quest enjoyer. They are honestly the cornerstones of my characterizations for these characters. Despite being a singular book and a middle grade series respectively, I group them in the same category for their absolutely incredibly compelling way it portrays the foundation of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship—specifically how absolutely fucked it is in ways that aren’t super clear in the movies. They take place after the Phantom Menace and before AOTC, so cover Anakin’s time as Obi-Wan’s padawan.

Rogue Planet by Greg Bear follows Obi-Wan and Anakin on a mission when Anakin is 12 and there’s no way I can describe it other than it reading kind of like…what if the Virgin Mary was a permissive boymom who sucked at her job and the kid she’s raising has a 50/50 chance at being Jesus or Satan. Obi-Wan in this reads like the most 15 year old 28 year old ever, is still reeling from the death of Qui-Gon and has entered the motherhood phase of “my child is perfect and special and can do no wrong ever ever ever”. He’s extremely permissive and has hinged an unsettling amount of his hopes on Anakin’s role as the Chosen One because of his own personal issues. So when Anakin does shit like…oh I don’t know…accidentally explodes a man’s head with his mind…does things he isn’t supposed to Obi-Wan is like. Don’t Worry You Did Nothing Wrong I Will Ignore It.

And then hot on the tails of this is the Jedi Quest series by Jude Watson which follows their relationship after that on various missions as Anakin grow up. The series kind of focuses on the systemic ways in which Anakin leading up to AOTC was let down and what eventually drives his decisions later. Do not be fooled by it being a series for 12 year olds, it’s absolutely apeshit and additionally my favorite place for informing my perspective of their dynamic. Obi-Wan has gone from being boymom to being more emotionally distant as he tries to make Anakin be an “ideal jedi”. Jude Watson’s entire thesis is that like, Obi-Wan is not father brother or friend to Anakin, he is a Jedi, and does not have the tools to be anything else so his and Anakin needs and wants more. There’s this insane line at the end of book one where Anakin says like “Obi-Wan would come to love him. He would make him do so” which just acts as the through line for the entire series. the push and pull between someone who wants more and someone who consistently holds back creates this very unhealthy master-disciple dynamic that drives me insane. (I have kind of an uncharitable perspective of Obi-Wan because of this but it’s actually what made me love him even more, I prefer Jude Watson’s portrayal of him to almost any other author)

Anyways that’s my long drawn out first 3 recommendations to you lol! If you like them (or if you don’t!) feel free to come back and I’d be happy to chat with you more <33

[jewishcissiekj]

hi let's talk about her

Honestly I have so much to say about her. so much. so here's some of it

-Asajj (NOT VENTRESS THAT'S HER LAST NAME ISTG PEOPLE JUST HATE USING HER ACTUAL NAME AND IDK WHY I GUESS IT'S A COOL NAME BUT ASAJJ IS ALSO A COOL NAME AND)

-Asajj was last seen in canon in the Dark Disciple novel. Where she died. I would never recommend that book to anyone so if you haven't read it yet please don't. In short, after becoming a Bounty Hunter in The Clone Wars she grew out her hair, got a cool yellow Lightsaber and for some reason teamed up with Quinlan Vos to try and kill Dooku. They didn't manage to do it. And Asajj died (was fridged) trying to protect Quinlan. The Bad Batch will not contradict that, as was said by the creators. So this is just a summary for anyone who hasn't read it because I wholeheartedly believe that book is bad

-I have not watched a single Bad Batch episode in my life. As a disclaimer. I started the first one, watched their TCW arc and saw memes screenshots clips and spoilers but I do not know this show. I will watch it now that Asajj's there tho

-She does not have the same outfit anymore! It's a change, and we haven't gotten a clear look at her new design so idk how to judge it yet. Might be to look less recognizable, but it has a very different vibe than any of her prior outfits. There's a leftover shoulder pad and probably some other stuff from her last design but I feel like they kinda clash with the new one and tbb's design language in general. The Bounty Hunter look has a very TCWish feel to it and this one is a sharp turn in another, much more casual direction. I'm not inherently against it but I guess we'll see how it looks in action soon

-In my opinion the hair looks like shit. I don't think she should have hair ever. I don't understand why she can't be bald. Why is she bald when she's evil and has hair when she's a padawan (good) and when she is "redeemed"? guess we'll never know. It's a leftover from the cancelled Dark Disciple TCW arc design (and the Dark Disciple cover and promotional material ofc) and it's bad if you ask me but to each their own and if you like it good for you

-Her Lightsaber!!!!! Same case as the hair in terms of irl development but I like it so much better. The yellow just fits her character and it's pretty. Would love for her to find another one and get back to dual-wielding (I know that won't happen)

-The bag and pouches make me so happy as a design element do you think she carries a (tooka) cat in there

-Now, visually she looks great and the animation style is smoother and nicer than TCW (as is the quality), but what about the direction the character's going in? I didn't like her being dead before, but I felt like it was somewhat better than her being shoved into being a cameo character in new content. If you can't touch her after a certain point, you also can't mess her up. But I do wonder where they're going with her. A few questions:

-Asajj in canon is a directionless character. Also, a partially nonsensical and inconsistent character in her choices and storylines. I've talked about it a lot but in short she just feels messy. What's her purpose in life? Her motive? Her origin story doesn't really make sense, even. She's a Bounty Hunter, sure, but why? If all she wants is revenge on Dooku and maybe money (which was pretty much the case in Dark Disciple), what's she doing after the Empire? And more importantly, why?

-Obviously, the question I haven't asked yet because I don't like it: How the fuck is she alive? Nightsisters have a weird relationship with death but seriously, how?

-She's a Force User after the Rise of the Empire now, so what does he do about that? Is she founding The Path? Fucking around and finding out? Making a not-Jedi-not-Sith order with other force users she finds? Is the Empire after her? Do they know she's live?

-What about her girlfriend? Is Latts Razzi safe? Is she alright?

-Why is she in The Bad Batch show? Are we making her into a cameo character or is there a purpose? Why'd they bring her back? For fun? What is she doing after the show? Floating in dead space? Cameo-ing? Will we have a book?

-OK enough for tonight but if we see Quinlan Vos in the show I'll become violent (/neg). We probably will (he might just get mentioned idk).

[deconstructthesoup]

So, this is inspired by @tai-janai's new Slay the Poet AU, where LQ has to rescue the Narrator and is being guided by Shifty. I saw their idea post, and my brain demanded that I put my own spin on it, so... yeah. Go check out their AU, though, it's probably gonna be better than mine and it actually has drawings.

I've already typed out the overarching plot (tldr, Shifty's the player and LQ is the "guide," and Narry is a professor who's trapped in a library in an abandoned city), but here's what I think the Narrator's chapter 2 vessels would be like:

The Wizard: You get the Wizard if you don't go into the library's basement with the knife, you make the decision to free the Professor, and you resist when the Guide makes the desperate choice to take over your body (while repeatedly apologizing over and over in your mind). The Wizard is unflinchingly kind and has that classic Disney-fairytale whimsy about him, and will always encourage you no matter what you do---and is the only one who undoubtedly means you no harm. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Apprentice, who believes that the Professor is a learned and wise soul who can teach us everything, and we must listen to him.

The Warlock: You get the Warlock if you don't go into the library's basement with the knife, make him think you're going to free him, and kill him---either via getting the knife or letting the Guide take you over and winning the ensuing struggle. The Warlock is a slightly draconic being who is devious and cunning, but very clearly bitter towards you, and there's no doubt that he's thirsting for revenge. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Charming, who uses flattery and deceit to get her way, and encourages you to do the same to the Professor---after all, we did it once, and we can do it again, can't we?

The Creation: You get the Creation if you immediately kill the Professor, attempt to leave and fail (which causes the Guide to panic, saying that this wasn't how it was supposed to happen and he doesn't know what's wrong), and kill yourself once you see no other way out. The Creation is a stitched-up, reanimated corpse who somehow managed to bring himself back, and he's a lonely soul who just wants you to set him free. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Restless, who's a listless and tired individual who's aching for things to change... and whether or not we choose to help the Professor or not is entirely up to us.

The Scientist: You get the Scientist if you go into the basement---either armed or unarmed---talk with him, and decide to just leave him there... except, if you do, he'll figure a way out, and he'll electrocute you with a single touch. The Scientist is every bit the sadistic mad genius, and while he knows full well that he needs you in order to get out, he sees no problem with torturing you if that's what it takes---and he's incredibly transparent about his desire to end you once he's finally free. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Doll, who claims that she's not scared and that everything is fine, but is very bad at lying and is clearly shaken by everything the Professor does.

The Academic: You get the Academic if you go down into the basement with the knife, talk with him, attempt to kill him... and when he fights back, you submit. The Academic is self-absorbed, condescending, and controlling, believing himself to be superior to you in every way---and he soon proves that he's not just some entitled asshole, as he's able to take control of you with his words alone. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Humbled, who is openly terrified of the Professor and sees no problem with just doing what he says.

The Archivist: You get the Archivist if you go down into the basement with the knife, decide to free him instead, and resist when the Guide takes you over. The Archivist, who is free from his chains but is unable to escape without your help, has nothing better to do other than to reorganize and catalog the books in the library, and has become incredibly cynical and emotionless as a result. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Curious, who constantly asks questions and wants to look further into random things---something that at first seems irritating, but you eventually realize just how helpful she can be...

The Doctor: You get the Doctor if you go down into the basement with the knife, talk with him, attempt to kill him, and fight him until neither of you can fight anymore. The Doctor openly hates you and sees you as his only obstacle, and will engage you in combat whether you want to or not---and once you fight back, you discover that no matter how brutally you fight, he knows just how to set his organs back to normal, and he knows just how to wreck yours. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Hateful, who wants nothing more than to crush the Professor to a pulp and make him suffer.

The Dragon: You get the Dragon if you go down into the basement without the knife, decide to free him, and don't resist when the Guide takes you over---though you do let the Professor win, in the end. The Dragon is the most beastlike and inhuman of the vessels, and all he wants is to devour you so that he may escape. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Warrior, and she knows exactly how to fight him so that you can make it out of there alive... but be sure to listen to her, because ignoring her warnings could end very badly.

The Inventor: You get the Inventor if you either kill him immediately and check to see if he's dead, or if you question for one second whether or not he's armed... either way, you soon discover that you've brought a knife to a gunfight. The Inventor is cheerful yet murderous, and has several contraptions up his sleeves that are designed to end you---in all sorts of fun and exciting ways. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Prepared, who's quick on her feet and can easily improvise ways to evade the Professor's onslaughts.

The Substitute: You get the Substitute if you avoid going to the library entirely, and instead choose to wander the city---resulting in the city reverting entirely to libraries. Because of this, the Substitute starts off as nothing more than a blank slate of a man, and gets more and more jumbled and confused the more you attempt to talk to him. The voice you gain in your head is the Voice of the Rebel, who doesn't really have a goal other than to just goof off and have fun---making choices for choice's sake.

And, uh... that's what I got!

[thepresentmic]

Regarding drummer!Bakugo... I want to my hat into the ring and add that what if Reader was the one who wrote the songs and after the whole break up with Bakugo, she comes out with her band and plays her new song 'Distracted' (by Honey Revenge). I heard this and I was like THIS FITS THE FUCKING VIBE!!

Distracted

(part 1 - still into you)

inspo for this part below

band!au

ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ ᴋᴀᴛꜱᴜᴋɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

follows directly on from pt. 1 but works as standalone

summary: your new band is making quite the name for yourselves after your introductory show. rumours circle but as the main songwriter, you've always been good with words

contents: part of series (?), light angst, post-break up, band!au, bakugo is bad at feelings, flashes between performing and old memories, no beta

· · ─────── ·☆· ─────── · ·

Excited muttering broke through crowd. nobody had heard anything from you for the last 6 months.

"Didn't she used to be part of dynamite's band?" someone muttered from the crowd. "i heard he dumped." "damn, they were such a good couple." another added. "do you think she's back for good?"

"Hi everyone, we're ____-" your voice cut through the muttering, ringing out over the mic. you commanded attention in that same way you always had for them. "This is our first single, it's called distracted."

The first few beats of the backing track began to play out over the speakers as shoto counted you in with light strums on his guitar.

"Hyper aware of any change in your voice. Yeah I can tell when I've stared to annoy." You sing out as you circle Sho, his tongue sticking out to make you roll your eyes, quelling a little of your nerves.

You walk led around the stage towards Shinso as he kicked in the drum beat. "Being alone is what I try to avoid. I put in effort but it just gets destroyed."

You circled back to the front, moving your body in time with the beat. It was an upbeat song despite the circumstances of why you wrote it. But that was how you dealt with these things.

"You seem so distracted with yourself, with yourself. Say I overreacted but it's hard for me to tell. You're my only distraction in this hell, but it's oh well."

───────

"Babe, I'm sorry." Katsuki wrapped his arms around your waist as you began to clear off the dinner table, blowing out the candles.

"Kats, it's fine." You shrugged off his arms, scraping the last of your date night dinner into the trash. He looked hurt, following you to try and take the plates and help.

"It was Eijiro, he and I were just working on this new bridge and I lost tr-"

"Honestly, don't even worry about it." You said, resigning yourself to the fact that you

You loved the band too, of course you did. The boys had become like family you, and you loved Katsuki more than anything. But it just- it sucked that you were a second thought.

Ever since the band took off, things were hectic for all of you. But you still tried to make the time for him. For both of you.

"I'll make it up to you." He promised softly, cupping your face in his palms.

Looking up into his earnest eyes, you believed him. He really did look apologetic. You leaned your cheek into the warmth of his callous palmed. "You better."

He smiled, kissing you gently.

"When have I ever broke a promise?"

───────

"I've gotten used to being the second choice." You sang out, making your way to the front of the stage between Sho and Tetsu.

"Can you hear me or am I background noise?" You grinned and leaned down to Denki as if asking him, smiling a little sadly as he yelled back that he heard you.

"I guess I'm only good for filling the void."

───────

"Stop trying to blow this up into something it's not." Katsuki yelled right back at you as you stood in the dressing room backstage, furious.

"You didn't even listen to me before you booked this fucking tour. I thought we were going to try and take some time, find time for us again?" You argued, waving around you.

"Look at everything we've been able to do because of the band. Why can't this be enough, just for now? Why can't I be enough?"

"Because this band is my fucking dream." He threw his hands up, exasperated. "I've been working towards this- we - have been working towards this all this time."

"I want that too. But I also don't want to lose us along the way."

───────

You put the mic back into its stand as the song fell back into its final chorus. It was beautiful put together, the boys had done a great job.

While you took a few seconds to bring you back to the present, Shinso took his drum solo, overlayed wtih Sho on the electric guitar.

You scanned the crowd, eyes finding all those all too familiar vermillion ones again.

"Don't mean to be a bother. I'll get out of the way." You held his stare, ignoring the pain in your chest, or the muttering of the people in the crowd.

"You were my one distraction, but I still wish you well."

[agirlwithglam]

The 48 Laws of Power:

by Robert Greene - video link

part 1 <- link

part 2: [28-48]

28. Enter action with boldness- if you are unsure about doing something, do not do it. your hesitation and doubts will effect your execution of it. enter with boldness. any mistakes? correct it with audacity. everyone admires the bold, no one admires the timid.

29. Plan all the way to the end- take into account all the possible consequences, obstacles and twists of fortune.

30. Make your accomplishments seem effortless.- make them seem natural and executed with ease. conceal everything else. act effortlessly as if you could do much much more.

31. Control the options, get others to play with the cards you deal.- the best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice. your victims feel as if they are in control.

32. Play to people's fantasies- the truth is often avoided because it can be unpleasant. never appeal to truth and reality.

33. Discover each man's thumb screw.- everyone has a weakness. maybe an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion/ need. once you find it, you can use it to your advantage.

34. Be royal in your own fashion. Act like a king (or queen) to be treated like one.-the way you carry yourself will determine how people treat you in the long run. a king/ queen acts confident and respects themselves and inspires the same in others. by acting regal and confident, you make it seem like you are destined to wear a crown.

35. Master the art of timing- never seem to be in a hurry. always seem patient as if you know everything will come at the right moment.

36. ⭐️ Disdain things you cannot have. Ignoring them is the best revenge.- by acknowledging a petty problem that you have, you give it existence and credibility. the more attention you pay to someone, the stronger you make them. it is sometimes best to leave things alone. if there is something you want but can't have, show contempt for it. the less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

37. Create compelling spectacles- grand symbolic gestures. stage spectacles for those around you.

38. Think as you like, but behave like others.- people will punish you for making them feel inferior. it is safer to blend in and nurture the common touch, share your originality only with people who will appreciate your uniqueness.

39. Stir up waters to catch fish- always stay calm and objectives. make your enemies angry but stay calm yourself. put your enemies off balance.

40. Despise the free lunch- offered for free? it is dangerous. it usually involves a trick, or a hidden obligation. by paying your own way, you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. it is also often wise to pay the full price.

41. Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes.- what happens first always seems more better and original than what comes after. do not get lost in their shadow. establish your own course/ identity and story.

42. Strike the shepheard and the sheep will scatter.- you can normally track trouble to a single individual. do not allow people like this room to operate or others will give in to their influence. instead, neutralise their influence by isolating or banishing them. strike at the source of the trouble.

43. Work on the hearts and minds of others- seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. the way to seduce others, is to operate based on their psychologies and weaknesses. soften up the resistant by working on their emotions- playing on what they hold dear, and what they fear.

44. Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect.- the mirror reflects reality- but is also the perfect tool for deception. when you mirror our enemies by doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. it mocks and angers them, making them overreact.

45. Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once.- make a show of respecting the old ways of doing things.

46. Never appear too perfect.- appearing better than others is dangerous. but what is more dangerous is to appear to have no faults/ weaknesses. envy -> silent enemies.

47. Do not go past the mark you aimed for. In victory, know when to stop.- by going too far, you make more enemies. do not allow success to go to your head.

48. Assume formlessness.- by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. instead of taking a form that your enemy can grasp, keep yourself flexible, adaptable and on the move. accept the fact that nothing is certain.

remember that everything changes.

xoxo, vanilla

[jumpstreamer]

MASK MONDAYS EPISODE 2: PROSPERA MERCURY

Welcome back to week 2 of Mask Mondays! You thought I wouldn't do it, but I did. And when I say "you" here, I mean "me."

For any tag browsers, I have recently resolved to analyze a different mask, helmet, or headgear-adorned fictional character every Monday until I quit this website forever. I'll be real: Returning to Tumblr after two years' break has been quite the balancing act. It's addictive in a particularly draining way, and reconciling that has taken a lot of energy I would rather have spent on research. Therefore, this week I'll be discussing a character who I already have strong and well-informed opinions about: Prospera Mercury, the principal antagonist of Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury.

Okay, folks, let's be on the level here. What the fuck? Why does no one ever talk about Prospera? I know the show is popular here, it's what pushed me to watch it in the first place. Everyone loves posting fanart and talking about how endearing the protagonists are. But there's NO ATTENTION PAID to Prospera Mercury? Compelling arc and presence of character aside, I would've assumed the tall evil lady in the business suit would've been enough for a ton of people. Something is certainly amiss.

What bothers me most about this situation is that Prospera Mercury is arguably the most well-realized character in her show. As a text, the Witch From Mercury has strong opinions about Gundam, The Tempest, and the world at large, and all of them are brought together by its antagonist. Prospera Mercury is an absolute well of material, far more than can be covered in a single post. So while I'll be returning to her later, I want to spend this week laying down foundations: If you'll allow me, I'll be trying to prove once and for all that The Witch From Mercury isn't just using The Tempest as set dressing.

Named after Gundam 0079 antagonist Char Aznable, the "Char clone" is perhaps the most ubiquitous concept in its franchise. Almost every Gundam show, film, and OVA contains a morally ambiguous masked antagonist who challenges the hero's moral principles while maintaining a complex and terse relationship with the villainous faction. The Witch from Mercury too adopts this concept, but twists it to say something truly controversial. Prospera Mercury, the text argues, is not a Char Aznable clone. Char Aznable is a Prospero of Milan clone.

It's no revelation that The Witch From Mercury is loosely based off William Shakespeare's "The Tempest," but understanding why this choice is so important requires a summary of its principal antagonist. The antivillainous sorcerer Prospero is a natural talent and skilled manipulator unjustly exiled from his place of birth. As he grows in ability, he is overtaken by resentment and dedicates himself to exacting revenge. He executes a grand plan that goes off nearly perfectly, but when on the verge of total success, Prospero has a change of heart. Realizing that bettering the future is more important than staying in the past, he steps down, relinquishing his power to the new generation.

To dispose with subtlety, Char's character arc in the original Gundam series is nearly identical to Prospero's. There's a reason Prospera is closer to Char in terms of motivation and role than any other Char clone before her: She's channeling the primordial Char from which they all descend!

Insane as this sentence sounds, Prospera Mercury's position as Char clone manifests Prospero's flaws in ways other adaptations couldn't possibly emulate. Take Prospera's willingness to shatter personal bonds in service of pointless revenge, a quality unmistakable in Char, but quite well-hidden in Prospero. Prospero treats Ariel (yes, telling the names apart will get annoying) as an equal all throughout The Tempest, yet takes for granted that Ariel's freedom comes second to punishing Antonio and Alonso. Similarly, despite the two sharing a strong platonic bond if not a romantic one, Char is more than willing to send Garma to die if it means twisting the knife in the Zabi family's side. Robert Egan's "This Rough Magic: Perspectives of Art and Morality in The Tempest," a woefully undercited article despite being over fifty years old, summarizes the magician's moral perspective as follows:

"[A]n acknowledgement of evil as part of the natural condition of man is unacceptable to Prospero. His years of seclusion in his library have instilled in him a moral perspective rooted not in the real world but in the ideals of his art... In short, he rejects the sinner with the sin" (176)

In this lens, the actions of both Prospera and Char make perfect sense; any who divert from their morality deserves punishment by default, and any who agree would readily give their all to strike back at the wickedness in the world.

Prospero, Prospera, and Char all also share a deep hypocrisy that is literally worn on the latter two parties' faces. Yes, after who knows how many paragraphs, it's finally time to talk about the mask. Despite being well aware that the system she participated in does not value human life, Prospera rebels against it not by joining forces with its opponents, but by acting as a model citizen with the goal of dismantling it from the inside. Char, obviously, embraces an identical practice, as does, I wish to argue, Prospero.

Intriguingly, Gundam's interpretation of "working within the system" does not hinge upon a pragmatic argument, as so many real-world political treatises have done, but an ethical one. Char and Prospera successfully co-opt Zeon and the Benerit group to suit their needs, but in doing so, adopt the practices that made these so abhorrent in the first place. When given the chance to ally with the Earthians or the Mercurian working class that took her in, Prospera instead embraces the mask of the corporate elite and becomes the usurper she despises.

After so bluntly accentuating Prospera's hypocritical and egotistical tendencies, The Witch From Mercury almost demands the viewer to interrogate its source material in search of parallels. And indeed, Prospero's most academically well-treaded moral failings (most of which involve Caliban) without exception find their origin in his resolve to serve as a king and judge on the island where he could not in Milan.

I have a lot more to talk about with Prospera (I have been intentionally avoiding discussing her relationships with Eri and Suletta), but my ass is running out of time and I'm not risking another three-paragraph tangent. I probably won't make another Monday post for Prospera anytime soon, but the Mask Mondays exercise will continue, whether I like it or not!

Link to "This Rough Magic:" https://www.jstor.org/stable/2868575

[fallenlightsif]

do the speak now (tv) album ask for this blog too 👀 i have to know what songs my blorbos relate to

Ofc anon 🙏

Mine: MC/Marcella

"Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time; you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter; you are the best thing, that's ever been mine"

Sparks Fly: MC/Florian

"I'm captivated by you, baby, like a fireworks show; drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain; kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain; cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile"

Back to December: MC/E

"I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't; so if the chain is on your door, I understand"

Speak Now: Kira

"So don't say yes, run away now; I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door"

Dear John: Rowan

"But I took your matches before fire could catch me so don't look now; I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town"

Mean: MC @ their mom

"You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me; you have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I'm nothing"

The Story of Us: MC/E

"Oh, I'm scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how, I've never heard silence quite this loud"

Never Grow Up: Ezrah & MC

"To you, everything's funny, you got nothing to regret; I'd give all I have, honey, if you could stay like that"

Enchanted: MC/Florian

"There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old tired, lonely place; walls of insincerity, shifting eyes, and vacancy vanished when I saw your face"

Better Than Revenge: Ilaria

"Sophistication isn't what you wear, or who you know, or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go; they didn't teach you that in prep school, so it's up to me"

Innocent: Orion

"Did some things you can't speak of, but at night you live it all again; you wouldn't be shattered on the floor now if only you had seen what you know now then"

Haunted: Rowan

"It's getting dark and it's all too quiet and I can't trust anything now and it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake"

Last Kiss: MC/E

"I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed; you can plan for a change in the weather and time but I never planned on you changing your mind"

Long Live: The Childhood Friends (Florian, MC, Marcella, and E)

"Hold on to spinning around, confetti falls to the ground, may these memories break our fall"

Ours: Orion/MC

"They'll judge it like they know about me and you; and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do; the jury's out, but my choice is you"

Superman: MC/Cier

"He's not all bad like his reputation and I can't hear one single word they said; you leave, got places to be, and I'll be okay"

Electric Touch: MC/Julian

"I've got my money on things goin' badly, got a history of stories ending sadly; still hoping that the fire won't burn me just one time"

When Emma Falls in Love: Ari

"She won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave; and she's the kind of book that you can't put down, like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town"

I Can See You: MC/Cier

"I can see you waitin' down the hall from me, and I could see you up against the wall with me; and what would you do, baby, if you only knew?"

Castles Crumbling: Ilaria

"Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off; and here I sit alone behind walls of regret, falling down like promises that I never kept"

Foolish One: Dimitri

"And the voices say, “you are not the exception, you will never learn your lesson”; foolish one, stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come"

Timeless: Orion/MC

"That's when I came upon a book covered in cobwebs, story of a romance torn apart by fate; hundreds of years ago, they fell in love, like we did, and I'd die for you in the same way"

[tragicbeauty1991]

Today I got called a “murder apologist” (and other not so nice names) by someone who apparently does not like the fact that I love a good villain redemption arc. Let me explain a few things…

First off, welcome to my blog. We believe in the inherent goodness of humanity here. We believe in love and forgiveness and that people can change. We believe in kindness over bitterness, in hope over despair, and in reconciliation over revenge. And if that’s not your thing, maybe this isn’t the best blog for you to check out. And that’s okay. People are allowed to have different opinions.

Second… We recognize that there is a difference between fiction and reality. Just because I like a character and want to see them come around to the side of good does not mean that I approve of any or all of their actions. Murder is bad, kids. I think we can all agree on that point. I don’t support the character’s evil deeds. I support the idea of them working through the reasons they got to the point of doing them and then coming out on the other side of it as a better person who wants to try to make up for their past. I also recognize that there is a distinct difference between a fictional villain and a real-life serial killer in jail. I’m not that person who’s gonna be caught sending love letters to violent men in prison. I am, however, fascinated by them and am the kind of person who will listen to podcasts and watch documentaries that investigate the psychology of such people. I like to see what makes people do the things they do and I firmly believe that in the vast majority of cases, there is more than a little bit of nurture lacking in the “nature or nurture” cause of evil. People aren’t born evil. Learning how and why they became teaches empathy. And yes, I can empathize with them and still think they’re a terrible person. Maybe I’m naive, but I think the world can use more empathy, and I’d rather be a little too kind to someone who might not deserve it than bring more hatred into the world. Real people often don’t change their ways, but it does happen. And fiction allows a safe environment for us to play around with that idea.

Third… In the words of Wonder Woman, “It’s not about deserve.” Do I think these characters who have done awful, horrible things deserve to be redeemed? Probably not. But that’s the thing about grace and mercy…they are inherently undeserved gifts. And that doesn’t mean you don’t set boundaries. It doesn’t mean you put up with abuse. It doesn’t mean that actions don’t have legal or emotional or financial consequences and everything is automatically all rainbows and butterflies. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. It’s choosing to allow the legal system (and God, if you believe in Him) to do its work and taking yourself out of the equation in terms of offering vengeance. It’s not allowing yourself to get walked all over, but it’s also choosing not to go walking all over your enemy when you have the chance. Also…redemption isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s hard work. It’s a long process of the person slowly coming to realize that they were in the wrong, grieving deeply over the wrongs that they have done, and doing the best they can to make up for it by living a different sort of lifestyle. It’s not a single choice to do one good thing. It’s a million little choices to do the right thing instead of the easy thing over and over and over again. It’s stumbling along the way and making mistakes and getting back up and trying again. It’s learning to control anger and to accept that love and friendship and fear and heartbreak aren’t weakness. It’s learning to put others before themselves when before they only ever had to worry about looking out for Number One. To use a recent quote from the Loki series, “Raze it to the ground. That’s easy. Starting over is hard. Hope… Hope is hard.” Redemption doesn’t always mean a totally happy ending. It means becoming a better person, and there is often a lot of pain involved.

Finally, I’d like to conclude with the words I once heard from an Orthodox priest that really stuck with me and which I think are especially relevant to how I approach my thinking in both fictional villains and my actual fellow human beings… “Other sinful human beings are not the enemy. They are slaves of The Enemy. And you don’t hurt your enemy’s slaves. You try to set them free.”

[taoofshigeru]

Side-note on Octopath Traveler H'aanit

(since I had an ask that I chose to make about her today)

I always felt like the title of her story boss lead-in track, "For Master" (師匠のために), was a bit of an outlier relative to the others and doesn't mesh quite as well with her (very well-done!) story arc.

Most other Octopath "keywords" that come in via the soundtrack are more nuanced in terms of what the character's goal is and what they ultimately achieve as a result of their quest. Olberic's sought-after "Redemption" changes shape from simply tracking down and beating Erhardt to finding the man truly responsible for Hornberg's demise, but in the process he redeems Erhardt as well and finds real redemption in fighting for a cause and freeing the town that Werner holds dominion over. Tressa's "Treasure" is something concrete she sets out to find in chapter 3, and achieves, but Noa Wyndham's hand in marriage the experiences on her journey and the diary she kept of them turns out to be the real treasure.

These "For" keywords are almost always chosen with a strong double entendre to coincide with the twists in a character's story arc. Like with Therion, whose journey for "Freedom" from the bangle turns into something that sets him free from Darius and his past more generally, allowing him to look for the future. There's a lot of the ethos of squeezing the character's journey down to a word that changes meaning with the shift in context between chapter 1 and chapter 4, which I love as a writer. Pick a single word which the story can grow around, such that its original meaning and the new contextual meaning shine together like interwoven rainbows from a prism in a sunbeam.

On one level, H'aanit is on a quest to find her master Z'aanta, then rescue him from his petrification curse, but her journey takes on more significance once she fights the dragon. She's becoming a legend, a master hunter in her own right, ultimately slaying the Redeye where Z'aanta failed, and ending up with tall tales to tell him. Her journey always felt to me like it was about becoming a master, and finding it in herself to become one, rather than just looking for a specific person. However, since she never finds an apprentice, the choice of "師匠", a master in the sense of an instructor or a teacher, feels slightly misplaced. Maybe if she had a kid aiming to learn from her in her chapter one, then she was finally able to go home and give those lessons at the end of her story, it would have landed better.

Alternatively, something like "For Quarry" might have been nicer. Since her quest starts out as a hunt for Z'aanta, then becomes a quest to slay the Redeye. It has the bonus of carrying extra nuance of putting Graham out of his misery once endgame lore drops. (Since that was something she did "for" him, albeit unknowingly.)

Other "For _" comments: Primrose, who sets out for "Revenge" and does indeed achieve total and fairly satisfying revenge, is admittedly a bit of a counterexample. Albiet a slightly more bitter pill because of all that Simeon bullshit.

Ophilia, meanwhile, is like a weird case where the original text is weak but the localized version is strong enough to hold up. Her pre-boss motif is "For Light" (試練のために). The original text could more directly be translated as "For the Ritual" or "For the Kindling", but Ophilia's involvement with the church is as much about her family, her adoptive father Josef and sister Lianna, than it is a strong attachment to the dogma per se. It's a major character focus that her sister was supposed to be the flamebearer but Ophilia took over so she could be with their father. And in the finale of the Ophilia arc, the focus is on saving her sister, bringing her back to the light, much more so than on the trial of the flamebearer per se. In that way, "For Light" is great because it can be about the kindling, but it's also very much about bringing Lianna back into the light.