#vanilla self improvement⭐️

[agirlwithglam]

conversation tips + how to be funny

talk about the other person. i know, this is said basically everywhere so im not gonna go too deep into it. everybody likes talking about themselves, where they've been, experiences they've had, etc. so just keep asking questions about themselves!

another thing id like to mention is don't just let them talk the whole time, thats not how a conversation works. instead add in your own opinions, and experiences! make them laugh!

literally just find out things about the other person- linking back to the first point- be genuinely curious about the other person. be curious about them! how they think, how they are, find out stuff about them that you can use later- ex: if they mention they like star neckless, maybe one day you can buy a star neckless for them to show that you care!

absurd analogies.

share funny & embarrassing stories from your past! this makes you look more confident and people feel more comfortable around you bc you're able to laugh about a cringe moment in your past. but its best to do this when the laugh is at your expense, and not at others.

make people feel good about themselves. make them feel special.

watch how other people do it. take inspo from others! you can even look at celebrities interviews and see how they've made people laugh and have an interesting conversation. some rly good interviews that i'd recommend are: ryan gosling / the tv show percy jackson / Zendaya & Tom Holland /

finish other people's sentences with something funny and ridiculous. when someone's trying to remember what they were about to say, you can fill in with a ridiculously funny idea to end their sentence! dont overuse this tho, otherwise it can get pretty annoying.

EXPRESSIONNNN!!!! laugh at their jokes, nod along, be sympathetic. just express and overreact in a way that makes them feel heard and special!!

playful teasing.

[agirlwithglam]

creating a new identity:

aka; how to build an alter ego / how to create the new you / creating your higher self / create a new version of yourself

this is a guide for people who want to change their life around, and most importantly, change themselves (because obvi to change your life, you must first change yourself first). oki lets get started!!

3 reasons why you want to change:

first of all name at least 3 reasons WHY you want to create a new identity. some reasons could include:

wanting to get better at school/ higher grades

becoming more social

more stronger

more disciplined

becoming better at something (ex a language, instrument)

if you don't have your 3 reasons on why you want to create a new you, then your desire is probably not strong enough and you won't be able to stay consistent in it.

create the new you:

give it a name! (you can do this at any point tbh so not really important atm)

choose and decide the aspects of your new identity: (how they think, act, behave, feel. what their hobbies are, their habits, what type of person they are, how they treat others and themselves, etc etc)

write down these aspects in your notes app, notion, blog, docs, (wherever you want to). you don't have to go in full detail but just write everything that you need for this new identity so that if you forget or need to be reminded, you can just check that.* *reminder that you can create more than 1 identity/ alter ego! so for example you may have one thats for workouts/ sports, one thats for studying, one thats for socialising, etc. this means that you don't necessarily need to write other hobbies for an alter ego that is made for working out. you just need to write whats important to that specific identity.

once you've done all this, theres nothing left but to just BECOME. stop over planning and procrastinating, step into the energy of this new version of yourself. channel the energy and enjoy your life!

tips:

take inspiration from people in real life! this can be celebrities, anyone you've met and admired, movie/ tv show characters (for me; rory gilmore, elle woods, gina linetti), book characters, etc. you don't have to create a new alter ego from scratch, you can just adopt energy of a person that has already been created/ exists.

a signature something. give this new identity a signature scent, outfit, accessory, etc. anything just to give it a bit of a touch/ cherry on top <3

Xoxo, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

hard work? at least put in the work!

as my mom once said to me:

"forget hard work! at least do work"

please, for some of us, talking about "hard work" is far away for us. so forget about working hard. what about just working? not working hard, just doing at least something for your future, yourself, your family. or are you okay with being a huge disappointment to others and yourself?

just doing the bare minimum at least for yourself! you don't have to go over the top or make it so hard for you. at least put in the bare minimum so you don't have to live the worst life. okay?

doing at least 5 pushups + 5 squats a day

studying a bit for exams

saying one affirmation of self-love a day

if someone talks to you, don't try to run away from the convo.

all this isn't hard. its just what every human being should be able to you (not talking about anyone with disabilities, thats a different case). okay?

the first step to this would be to reduce the amount of screentime everyday. i don't care if its "educational" or "self improvement", thats all bs. whats actually gonna make a difference is that instead of tricking your brain into thinking you're doing something or telling yourself "i'll work my hardest tomorrow", you don't work your hardest today but you work.

putting in little effort is still putting in effort.

i know that a lot of you are gonna be like "no but i believe in myself that i can put hard work into something i care about!" so okay. good job for believing in yourself, love that. but... are you actually gonna do it? or are you going to continue to sit and watch "educational" "self improvement" videos because it distracts and tricks you into thinking that this is hard work?*

*don't get me wrong, of course if you used to be a person who scrolled a bunch of nonsense, the first step would of course be to change what you consume into something better. but there comes a limit where you have to actually get up and put in the work. simply changing what you consume isn't all you need to do. theres more steps to improving your life. just like when you start with a new skill; in the beginning you may start with something very simple and easy for you to do. but once that becomes your "comfort zone" (as in very/ much easy to do), you need to move to something that challenges you more. otherwise, you never grow.

sure, believing that you are capable of doing it is certainly the first step of almost anything, but believing isn't just enough. you gotta actually do it. you don't earn my respect by "believing you can do it" (what are you, a toddler?) but by actually executing your plan. and for most of us, it turns out that our definition of "hard work" is actually just watching "self improvement" all day.

so what am i implying here? :

if you believe you can actually do the hard work, then do it. do not waste another second on self improvement videos (remember; those are just meant as a guide, a starter. a place for advice). if however, you find that you finally realise that hard work isnt just watching self improvement videos and having to actually do something, then shut up with the hard work. at least do work.

xoxo, vanilla.

[agirlwithglam]

becoming a good conversationalist

Tips and conversation starters!

TIPS TO BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST + BE FUNNY

lil tips:

a huge part of people wanting to be around you again, is how they emotionally feel when they're around you.

go into a conversation not thinking "i hope they like me" but thinking "i hope i have fun!"

remember that they are just people, just human. they aren't a whole lot different to you! you live, you die; they live, they die. dont be so scared and uptight about talking to someone.

conversation starters:

things that they've never done but they want to do

find out about their interests

find out what they like and dont.

which places do you really want to go to?

what is the best place/ country you've been to?

what are your fears?

ask about food

what foods and drinks do you like?

your favourite restaurant?

favourite chocolate?

recommended youtubers/ videos:

Joshua Otusanya (self improvement + the BEST conversation tips!)

Tam Kaur (mainly talks about self improvement but also has socialising/ becoming an extrovert content)

Xoxo, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

Collection of shadow work prompts:

(All from Pinterest)

[agirlwithglam]

+*:ꔫ Elegance & grace: *✧･ﾟ:*

(It just needed the aesthetic symbols around it.)

“A girl must be two things: classy and fabulous” — Audrey Hepburn

“Always be the leading lady of your own life” —Audrey Hepburn

“Fashion changes, but style endures.” — Coco Chanel

“Keep your heels, heads and standards high” — Coco Chanel

✧ For the longest time, I longed to be a girl with class and elegance, but I also wanted to be a party girl and chaotic and fun! Then I realised, why can’t I be both? Why couldn’t I have it all? So here are some tips where you can be super fun and cray-cray but also see yourself as an elegant person ✧

Posture. Always sit up straight. Self explanatory tbh, just don’t slouch.

Don’t be on your phone too much. Idk why but when I do it, I just get so icked out by myself. Get off your lazy butt and do something. But mostly when u do go on your phone, don’t lie down lazily on your bed. Sit up.

Present yourself well. Brush your hair, put some lip gloss, where decent clothes. Ready yourself in a way which makes you feel elegant and confident.

Get your own style. Your own signature scent, style

Read. Nothing says elegance than a tidy, well kept girl reading.

Be polite. Have manners. Be kind and respectful. How you treat others says a lot about you. And remember to smile! Be warm and open.

Chew with your mouth closed. It is so gross eating and then seeing someone chewing with their mouth wide open.

Don’t fiddle too much. In my opinion it’s ok if ur rly nervous, but if ur just sitting try not to shake your legs (im guilty of this as well!)

Stay calm. In situations where it’s more tense/ you just wanna shout, don’t. Learn to not react and stay calm and elegant, always. Appear calm and collected in all situations. (Some ways you can do this is by meditation or deep breathing)

Be mindful. Be mindful of the things you say, and the things you do (your actions)

Confidence. Confidence is everything. Be confident in the way you speak, in the way you walk, in yourself.

Extra tip: embody/ take inspiration from people who are already who you want to be! (Examples: Marilyn Monroe, Coco Chanel, Aubrey Hepburn, etc)

Xoxo, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

✨Time for Vanilla’s Opinion 🍰

Edition #1: thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.

Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!

If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.

Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!

And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.

I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”

“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”

WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.

You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.

BUT….;

know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’

But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!

So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.

I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️

Xoxo, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

*+:｡ 🧷📌 introducing... ┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

✨agirlwithglam✨

: ̗̀ ➛ here is my masterlist

✧.* some info 🎀

☆ feel free to send any requests in the 'tea' box- only advice/ tips or questions you have! All SFW. ☆ you can call me vanilla

✧.* what is this blog about:

self improvement

becoming the highest version of yourself

study tips/ getting good grades

it girl tips

self love

✧.* tags:

#agirlwithglam🎀✨ - all of my original content #vanilla self improvement⭐️ -all things self improvement (girl talks, it girl tips, etc.) #vanilla studies📚 - includes study tips, study motivation, etc. all things academia #vanilla quotes✨ - quotes & little bits of writing/words # glamorous reblogs🌸 - my reblogs (very few tho) <3 #glamourous moodboards🎧 - moodboards of all sorts

✧.* other accounts:

@thatvanillascent - my (main) reblogs account @diorstory - writing/ lil stories i wrote / book fandoms @thesciencegirl - my blog of science notes

[agirlwithglam]

Vanilla's Files 📁

˗ˏˋ꒰⚡️꒱ Self improvement:

48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene — part 1 & part 2

dont let your past affect your future

create a new identity

how to be smart (from pinterest)

Hard work?? At least do work!

🍰 VANILLA’S OPINION; edition 1: dealing with hate & not caring about what others think.

Recommends: BLOSSLY

˗ˏˋ꒰📚꒱ Studying & academia:

How to be more educated

(ask) how to work hard + actually study

Motivation: things to like about these subjects

How to be the it girl in school

˗ˏˋ꒰🍒꒱ Confidence & socialising:

how to stop giving people your time, attention and energy.

How to be a girlboss 101 (social edition)

A guide to self love and confidence

How to be a good conversationalist

Conversation tips + how to be funny

GIRL TALK: friends & feeling left out

Elegance & grace (how to be elegant)

Shadow work journalling prompts

EASTER HOLIDAY CHALLENGE- socialising edition!

˗ˏˋ꒰ 💌 ꒱ Quotes + moodboards:

Gina linetti quotes

elle woods quotes

Yoda quote

being a queen

Lavender haze, Taylor Swift quote

I forgot that you existed, Taylor Swift quote

Tags for moodboards:

Moodboard [number] - put a random number for a random moodboard!

[color] Moodboard - a moodboard with that color

Academic moodboard- moodboard all academic related

Moodboard #1 - academic weapon

Moodboard #2 - orange/ vanilla girl academia

Moodboard #3 - spring/ morning inspired

Moodboard #4 - spring inspired

Moodboard #5 - pink academia

[agirlwithglam]

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

Easter holiday challenge!

-SOCIALISING EDITION-

im travelling this easter, so i've decided that i want to start talking to new people and learning new things about the country! so i made this guide/ challenge for me + anyone else who'd want to talk to more people. this is for: ୨୧ anyone who is going travelling and wants to speak and talk to new people ୨୧ the girlies who are more terrified of walking up to strangers and striking up a conversation ୨୧ people who want to learn how to be more socially friendly and more outgoing ୨୧ basically how to be more extroverted.

before we start, heres a link to conversation tips, tricks + starters anyways. let's get started!

first of all, before we start its important to at least understand the basic etiquette of being a human:

polite gestures:

holding the door open

saying thank you

apologising when necessary

smiling

stopping/ holding the elevator door when you see someone running towards it. (although i completely understand if you're in a super super rush)

everyday:

smile at at least 1 person

say hi to at least 1 person (not anyone who you see frequently or daily. it can be someone you know, but maybe not too well.)

ofc you can do more than 1 person, but at least 1 person is the MUST for everyday.

weekly:

introduce yourself to anyone you see (if it seems a bit daunting, then maybe bring a friend along to make it seem less embarrassing/ scary)

compliment someone -GENUINELY. (its so easy, not only does it make the other person feel better, it makes YOU feel better as well! make sure its genuine and you're not just saying it for the sake of it.)

offer assistance. (okay i know that for some people this can seem a bit scary, i know it sometimes is for me, but just do it. just try it. trust me, you won't regret it. whether its an old lady needing help / helping someone carry heavy stuff / picking & returning something that someone dropped. etc etc.)

‼️ ‼️ ‼️ DISCLAIMER !! !! !! BE SAFE!!

honestly this should go without saying, but make sure that whatever you do, whoever you talk to, make sure you are COMPLETELY SAFE. i know people say "not to judge looks" but if someone looks shady or you feel somethings off about them, DON'T GO UP TO THEM! (especially be careful in more dangerous/ less safer countries)

if you want to talk to someone new, i recommend chatting to a hotel staff (if you're staying at a hotel), or if you're in a new country, even something as simple asking someone for directions and then giving them a compliment can help!

Xoxo, Glamorous Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

★ stop giving your attention, energy and time to everyone. ★

- a vent

if i don't want or need to talk to someone, then i wont. simple as that. why do i need their attention or to please them anyway? lol.

cus like bitch if you don't like me, # i don't care xoxo. you have a nice life n i hope you heal tho. sometimes i find it kinda funny that people go out of their way to hate on someone likeee??? huh ??? the rule is: happy people don't hate. thats just how it works. if you were *genuinely* happy with who you are, what you have, etc. then why on earth would want to bring another person down?? the logic ain't logic-ing!

and also if im genuinely not that fond on you anyway, aka if you don't add value or make me feel better in any way, why on earth would i need or want to speak to you? bc i love love love people who love and cherish me as a person. (but tbh why wouldn't they love me duh). okay?

queens don't beg jokers to stay in their lives. <- this this this!!

so if you don't add any value to my live (adding value can mean a lot of things- knowledge, wisdom, stories, happiness, good memories, being there for me, listening, etc.) then you REALLY don't deserve the full me cus you clearly can't handle me. and you know what? thats okay! thats completely okay. you are your own responsibility, i am my own responsibility. ♡you do you, i do me♡ !!

so basically, my attention, time & energy (and no i dont mean energy in a spiritual way) is sacred. if u can't appreciate what i bring, then you won't be getting anything from me. because every hot, unbothered, cold girl, is a girl who was desperate for others to like her and would get hurt easily.

im not saying that im gonna become mean and ignorant (cus thats just kinda-icky😬), what im saying is that im going to stop trying so hard to do what i once would have killed myself doing. i am no longer a joke, and im going to start taking myself serious now. and once i start doing that, its over for all you bitches. i am going into my iconic and girlboss era.

i am officially done trying.

xoxo, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

Becoming a girlboss/ it girl 101:

— Social edition

1. Be unavailable, and inaccessible.

You do not need to be there at every moment, catering to every persons needs day and night. In fact you shouldn’t be doing that at all. It’s so icky and ew and very unitgirllike and ungirlbosslike. Do not do that.

Why? Because the more you do that, the more you you show people that they can use / abuse you any time they want and you’ll STILL be there for them! You can’t always be around people, helping people, there for people. You need to care for your own needs as well.

You need to maintain the balance in the relationship. Of course you should be there for them if they’re going through a tough time, but you also keep them wanting more by not being available.

So how do i do this? By being busy.

Keep your schedule locked and full so that if someone wants to hang out with you, they will need to do it as per your time and then this will result in them RESPECTING your time and energy.

That is how you be a girlboss. You’re not easy to get, and you’re even harder to forget.

2. Have standards

Links back to the first point. You should NOT be accessible to everyone, you should not be so “easy to get”.

HAVE STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF! Do NOT settle for just anyone just because you want someone in your life. Whether it’s a friend/ friend group, or a bf/gf. If they want to be/ hangout with you, they have to be WORTHY according to you. Like imagine not having standards in your life? Ew.

3. Academic validation >> male/ other validation. ALWAYS.

THIS! Is such an important point imo. You need to study if you want a future you want. You throwing away your life just for a couple boys to like you? Ew ew ew ewww. That is the most ickiest thing ever. Ew.

Your academics and school should ALWAYS come first!! ALWAYS.

*and also another thing is that when you stop being so desperate for boys/ people, they will be so much more attracted to you.

4. Don’t be desperate

Ew. Icky. Gross. Never appear desperate for anything. Look, it’s okay and perfectly alright to ask for help from people, but cmon. You cannot depend on others your whole life. Learn to be independent.

Being a #girlboss is knowing that you are all you need. Everyone else around you is simply a bonus, an “add on” to your life, if you will. So if they do not provide any value to your life, you can let them go because you don’t need them. (Adding value to your life doesnt just have to be helping you level up- it can also be someone who makes you laugh, makes you feel more special, listens to you, etc.)

“Love, but don’t depend.”

5. Privacy is power.

This this this! Privacy is definitely power. Learn more about others, talk about others, but don’t show off your personal life. Keep yourself private and secluded.

I dont mean be super super super mysterious so that people know nothing at all about you, but just know that you can have friendships without them knowing about your whole life.

Also, telling everyone about trauma/ bad times you’ve been through in your life? Don’t do that. Trust me girl, do NOT do that. Do not give anyone info about your personal life that they could spread or use against you. + you never know if people are going to stick around in your life.

[agirlwithglam]

Do not let your past affect your future.

Oookay so you life’s a mess, you doing not as good as you would like to in school, and you feel neglected and left out in your friendship group.

Now you can either let that define you as a person, and just sulk and victimise yourself. OR.. you can laugh at the past, and understand change is the only constant, you never know when things can turn around!

You must not let your past define you, on your future or your goals!! Just because something happened in the past, doesn’t mean that it has to be that way in your future.

Just because you got bad grades at school, and aren’t doing too well, doesn’t mean that that’s how it will always be. Just because you felt left out in your friend group, doesn’t mean that’s always gonna be that way.

Things are VERY capable of changing whenever YOU decide it to.

My advice?

RESTART.

When you feel as if your life is a mess, just hit the restart button and go back to the very basics:

Workout

Drink enough water

Meditation

Eat healthy

Study for tests and exams

Read more

Be grateful

Learn one new skill (at least)

when you restart, go about your day (whether you're going to work or school), without acknowledging what happened in the past at all. just go with the new assumption that it is a fresh new day which means fresh new mindset, people, etc.

Until next time, Vanilla

[agirlwithglam]

The 48 Laws of Power

by Robert Greene - video link

part 1: [laws 1-27]

Never outshine the master- make those above you feel "comfortably superior". when you try to please/ impress them, don't go too far or you might inspire fear and insecurity instead. make your masters more brilliant than they are.

Never put too much trust in friends.- friends can become jealous more easily.

Conceal your attentions.- keep people in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. if they do not know why you did something, they cannot prepare a defenCe.

Always say less than necessary.- the more you say/ talk, the more "common" and less in control you appear. impress and intimidate by saying less.

So much depends on reputation- guard it with your life- through reputation alone, you can intimidate people. but if it slips, you will be attacked on all sides.

Court attention at all costs.- everything is judged by appearance. never let yourself get lost in a crowd, or 'buried' into oblivion. stand out.

Get others to do the work for you, but take the credit.- use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of others to further your own cause.

⭐️ Make other people come to you- use bait if necessary.- when you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. lure them in, then attack.

Win through your actions, never through argument.- more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions.

Infection: avoid the unhappy and the unlucky. - emotional states are as infectious as diseases. associate with the happy, and fortunate instead

⭐️ Learn to keep people dependent on you.- always be needed and wanted. the more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. make them depend on you for their happiness and prosperity.

Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.- open hearted gestures of honesty and generosity, bring the guard down of even the most suspicious people. once it "opens a hole in their armour", you can deceive and manipulate them at will.

⭐️ When asking for help, appeal to people's self interest, never to their mercy or gratitude.- if you need help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance or good deeds, instead uncover something in your request that will benefit him. - and emphasise it.

Pose as a friend, work as a spy.- knowing about your rivals is critical to keep a step ahead. in polite social encounters, learn to probe. ask indirect questions to get people to show their weaknesses.

Crush your enemy totally. - not partly because that can be even more dangerous as they will be wanting revenge.

Use absence to increase respect and honor.- too much of staying around makes your value go down. if you are already in a group, temporary withdraw from it and it will make you more talked about, and even more admired. learn when to leave. create value through scarcity.

Keep others in suspense: cultivate an air of unpredictability.- humans are creatures of habit with a need to see a familiarity in other people's actions. being predictable gives them a sense of control. be deliberately unpredictable.

Do not build fortresses to protect yourself- isolation is dangerous.- isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from. instead, make/ find ally, mingle.

Know who you're dealing with- do not offend the wrong person- choose your victims and opponents carefully.

⭐️ Do not commit to anyone.- only the fool rushes to take sides. do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. maintaining your independence -> become the master of others.

Play a sucker, to catch a sucker- seem dumber than your mark.- no one likes feeling stupider. the trick is to make your victims feel not just smart, but smarter than you. once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you have ulterior motives.

Use the surrender tactic: transform weakness into power.- when you are weaker, never fight for honor's sake. surrendering gives you time to recover. by surrendering first (before they get the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you) it makes them infuriated and annoyed.

Concentrate your forces.- conserve your forces and energy by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. intensity > extensity.

Play the perfect courtier.- mastered the art of indirection. asserts power over others in the most oblique and graceful manner. learn and apply the laws of courtier-ship.

⭐️ Re-create yourself.- do NOT accept the roles that society decides for you. forge/create a new identity- one that commands attention and never bores people. 🌙be the master of your own image.🌙

Keep your hands clean.- never to nasty deeds. use others as pawns to disguise your involvement.

Play on people's need to believe to create a cult-like following.- words vague, but full of promise.

part 2