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damn-stark · 5 months

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Chapter 19 I’m sorry for your loss

Chapter 19 of Sugar

A/N- We have to go on a small hiatus to catch up to the anime after this chapter!

Warning- Swearing, ANGST!, fluff?, Violence, death, blood and gore, spoilers, SLOW BURN, heavy pining, long chapter.

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Takes place during- 2x17-2x20, and snippet spoilers for chapters 133 and 134!!

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A FEW YEARS BACK. 2008*

“I wish I was fearless like you. I’m always scared.”

You laugh softly at Mimiko’s comment, and as brave as you want to sound, you don’t stray from the truth.

“When I was a little girl,” you begin to share softly. “Just like you, I was scared.”

Nanako giggles and argues against you since all she sees now is you being fearless. “That’s not true. I don’t believe it.”

You nod. “It’s true,” you insist and glance at your right side to look at her. “When I was little I used to be scared of many things,” you continue softly. “I was scared of curses, I was scared of bugs, and almost anything that went bump in the night.” You sigh and look up at the ceiling. “Even now I'm scared.”

“Of bugs?” Mimiko probes.

You giggle and shake your head. “Just spiders. But Suguru kills those so I’m okay.”

“What else are you scared of?” Nanako queries softly as she flips to her side to watch you watching the ceiling.

You hum softly and think of lying, but they expect you to be sincere, they want you to be sincere. So you admit one truth. “I’m scared of being alone. I don’t like being alone.”

Nanako and Mimiko stay quiet for a moment as they think of your answer. You keep your eyes on the ceiling as you wait, and hope you didn’t change the way they look at you by letting them see that you’re as much of a human as them.

You want them to look up to you, yes, more than anything, but you also don’t want them to look at you like you’re someone cold and unreachable. It always felt like your parents were on pedestals; they were something you could see but never get close to or touch. You always tried to live up to their image, but no matter how much you tried it was never enough, they got higher and higher.

You want your girls to know that you’re always here, at their level.

“Well,” Mimiko breaks the silence and flips around to hug your arm, making you slowly look at her with relief. “You’ll always have us.”

“And Geto!” Nanako adds excitedly. “You’ll never be alone,” she assures you.

You look at the both of them before you grin happily and throw your arms around them to pull them close to you. “Yeah,” you whisper in a shaky voice as you try hard not to cry happy tears. “You’re both right…but you know,” you sigh and slowly grow serious so you can assure their previous insecurity. “It’s okay to be scared. You can be scared, okay? That’s okay, it’s human, it’s normal. But you know what?”

“What?” Nanako probes.

You smile softly. “You never have to fear going back to that awful place, Suguru nor I will ever, ever let that happen, okay? We’ll never let anyone hurt either of you ever again, all right?”

Mimiko and Nanako snuggle up against you and they whisper softly, “okay.”

You let out a content breath of air, and press a gentle kiss on the top of their heads.

——

*NOW. 2018*

“Mimiko? Nanako?” You call out through the hall.

There’s no answer even if on your screen it says they’re just down the hall.

Maybe they’re hiding?

So you call out louder as you pick up your pace. “Nanako, Mimiko. It’s okay, it's just me.”

There’s still no response and that alone is weird, you’d usually get some kind of response, even if it’s to talk back. But right now besides the sound of Choso and your footsteps, there’s just silence.

“Maybe they left,” Choso suggests.

You look back at him with amusement. “Yeah, no, Nanako doesn’t go anywhere without her phone. Not only because it has to do with her technique, but she’s probably addicted to it. It's a problem.” You laugh softly and glance at all the deep cracks on the ceiling that weren’t here before. “Hey, I wonder what happened here,” you point out.

Choso sighs. “This is where I fought Yuji,” he shares, making you look back at him with your lips slightly parted with surprise and awe.

“You’ll have to explain your technique to me later,” you interject. “I’m very curious about how your technique works specifically. I haven’t seen anything like it.”

Choso shrugs. “It’s simple,” he deadpans.

You scoff. “It’s simple,” you mock him, making his eyebrows immediately furrow, while his lips curl to a displeased frown.

You flash him a smile and shake your finger at him. “It’s not simple, it’s complex and interesting, I want to hear about it so you have to come up with something better than it's simple, hm?”

Choso holds your gaze for a lingering moment before he nods once.

“Great,” you praise him and then look ahead again to quicken your pace as you get close to the end of the hall. “Nanako, Mimiko you can come out now!” You call out one more time with excitement.

However, when you reach the end of the hall, you immediately come to a sudden halt as you notice Mimiko bowing down in a pool of blood that's spilled all over the floor in front of the hall that leads to the elevators.

“Mimiko?” You call out quieter and feel your smile fade away when you don’t see her move a muscle, or notice Nanako beside her twin sister.

“Mimiko?” You call out again from where you are, but she still doesn’t move.

Why isn’t she moving?

Why can’t you move?

“Bunny?” You call out a third time and swallow back nervously when she remains unresponsive, and Nanako doesn’t proceed to come out and meet you.

You try to move towards her, but your eyes remain on the insane amount of blood on the floor and you can’t find the strength to suddenly move a single fiber in your body. It doesn’t even feel like your chest is taking in breaths. You’re at a standstill with your heart beginning to pound, and the obscene scene ahead of you.

“Mimiko,” you call out sweetly. “Baby get up. Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m not mad. Just get up. Please Mimiko.”

A wet streak running down your cheeks snaps you from your stupor and makes you confused about what it can be. So you move to touch the dampness, and when you pull your fingers out in front of you, you see that it’s a tear. You’re crying. Why?

Why isn’t Mimiko getting up?

You take a cautious step forward and see that just a bit away from the thick pool of blood is Nanako’s phone that’s easily identifiable because of her vibrant green bunny case; so you quickly pick it off the ground and wonder why it's discarded and bent and cracked, because Nanako always takes good care of her phone, and hardly ever parts from it.

So why? What happened? Your heart asks.

“Nanako?” You call out and step forward to see if she’s hiding near the elevators, but there’s no one there. There’s nothing here but a gash on the wall, purple blood sprayed across the walls, and thick and deep crimson blood all over the floor that seems to have pieces of flesh littered all over it.

“Nanako?” You call out just above a whisper and keep watching the end of the hall in hopes she’ll walk out of hiding.

Yet there’s just deafening silence and a sharp jab in your heart that makes you gasp. Yet no matter how hard your mind is trying to make you understand what you’re seeing, your heart refuses to let the message through. It fights back against all the intrusion from your insistent mind.

“Okay,” you murmur and wipe away the tears that keep running down your face before you put Nanako’s phone in your pocket since she’d hate it if you stored it in The Worm.

Next, you proceed to walk back to Mimiko and fall on your knees beside her. “It’s okay,” you assure her body that feels stiff under your touch. “It’s okay, baby,” you coo and gently tighten your hold around her arm to flip her to her back. And right away you see that her neck is missing her head.

However, you end up finding it just above her body so you crawl over to pick it up and place it where it’s meant to be.

“You’ll be okay,” you assure her and feel a sharper jab in your heart that hits deep this time and makes your whole body begin to tremble. “I'm calling for help,” you let her know.

You quickly pull your phone out but feel a stare burning into the back of your neck, so you look back and see that Choso’s face had abandoned that nonchalant expression, and replaced it with pity.

And yet, no matter how hard you try to get upset at him for looking at you like there’s nothing you can do, like the end of the world is upon you; when you stare into his eyes you feel your heart crack whilst something tightens around your throat, making it hard to breathe.

You see the harsh undeniable truth in his rich brown eyes, so you quickly look away and call Shoko.

Luckily she answers right away. She’s the only one who’s answered her damn phone.

“Y/N?” She calls out with worry laced in his voice.

“Ieiri,” your voice breaks without you wanting it to, revealing your current emotional state.

“Y/N?” She calls out louder. “What's wrong?”

You part your lips and a shuddery breath escapes past your lips before you answer. “I need your help…I found Mimiko…she needs your help, okay?” You begin to sound desperate. “I know you don’t owe me anything after everything, but Ieiri, this is my girl. She’s my baby girl, okay? You need to come help her, I already lost too much, I can’t go home without the twins. Please come help me,” your voice quivers.

Shoko draws out a deep breath before she responds with urgency. “Okay, I’m going. Just text me where you are and I’ll go. And tell me her condition, maybe you can help her until I get there.”

You nod rapidly and pick up Mimiko’s hand off the floor. “She—well,” you swallow thickly and try to answer, but nothing comes out as you’re hit with a painful blow to your chest that only makes the breath in your lungs come out.

“Y/N,” Shoko insists.

You blink repeatedly and more tears come rushing out.

“Well,” you mumble. “Her head….her head was ah,” you shudder. “Her head was sliced off. And...I think Nanako was sliced to pieces…but they’re here…Ieiri, they’re here. Come help them, please, please,” you beg softly.

“Oh,” Shoko gasps. “Oh, y/n…honey. Listen to me.”

You shake your head. “No,” you interject and grip tighter onto Mimiko’s hand. “No, no, don’t tell me that. Please don’t…they’re my girls. Okay? Maybe I can get them to you? Okay? I’ll have my friend here help me, or-or I can ask Kento.” You nod as you try to find a loophole around the truth she's about to utter. “He just needs to answer his phone first,” you laugh and more tears come rushing out.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Shoko says in a soothing voice that she only uses when she’s being serious. “I’m very sorry, but there’s nothing I can do…they’re gone. So why don’t you come up over here and be on standby, okay? I’ll meet you half—”

You hang up and proceed to put your phone away to cup Mimiko’s hand with the both of yours while you sit in silence and shock.

Your phone rings and you know it’s Shoko trying to comfort you, but you let the phone ring as you stare off at the pool of blood around Mimiko.

Whereas you were speaking to her before trying desperately to plead for your daughters to wake up from an impossible situation, now you sit in silence with your mind's cold message finally creeping into your heart.

It tries so hard to fight, accept anything else but what it sees, but there’s no hiding from the truth unless you want to end up in a hole you’ll never escape from.

And you can’t do that, you can’t fall into insanity because Satori still needs you, she needs her mother. Hakari and Kirara still need you to teach them so much more. Itadori is still out there, as well as Nanami, and everyone else that came to fight. Not only that but you still need to help your brother. More than anything he needs your help now, so you can’t shut off.

You can only break.

And it’s what happens, slowly, and agonizingly so.

Actually, you can barely feel it at first, there were only tears showing what your soul felt inside, but then that creepy grip wraps around your throat, making your breathing heavy as you try your hardest to draw in air to keep your lungs functioning and blood pumping. However, then that weight on your chest you were numb to seconds ago as you filled yourself with blinding hope, pushes back and smothers on more, causing you to start heaving.

Your heart starts to race against your chest and thumps loudly and painfully in your ears, causing you to start getting overwhelmed to the point your paralyzing shock holding you captive let's go, letting you get slammed with the realization that Mimiko and Nanako are dead.

They’re gone.

The girls you raised since Suguru saved them 11 years ago are gone. The girls you loved and promised to protect are gone…forever.

You’ll never be able to come home to them, you’ll never hear whatever silly story of their teenage life they have to tell. You’ll never watch movies on the couch, or share a spa night. You’ll never eat junk food on your bed and fall asleep to some cheesy movie, or grip onto them when they make you watch a scary movie with them.

What’s even worse is that you’ll never hold them again, or comfort them. You’ll never say that you love them, and you’ll never say goodbye…

You didn’t say goodbye.

They were probably so scared. They were alone and scared…

You told them no one would hurt them, and now they’re gone! They’re gone forever and you didn’t get to say goodbye. You’ll never get to tell them that you love them because they're gone!

They’re gone! They’re dead!

And you can’t breathe. You can’t breathe….

Breathe…

Your jaw goes slack as you gasp for air. You clutch onto your chest to try and ease the agony, to try and see if that helps, but you can’t breathe and it feels like you’re going to pass out.

That is until a heartbroken wail escapes past your lips that echoes throughout the hall.

It’s unlike anything else. You didn’t even cry like this when Suguru died. You didn't let yourself, and you couldn’t for your children’s sake, but you can’t hold it in now, you can’t let it pile on anymore. So you cry out again and drop your head on Mimiko’s chest.

You don't even care that Choso might be watching, but you still check. And when you do, you see that he’s not around. You’re alone…

And it hurts more.

But…you try your best to ignore your solitude for now and manage to speak. “I’m sorry,” your voice sounds raspy from how loud you just cried out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

You drag your head up and put your forehead against Mimiko’s hand. “I'm sorry,” you repeat. “I'm sorry to you too Suguru…I’m sorry I couldn’t protect our girls. I’m sorry.” You sniffle and bring Mimiko’s hand down to press a kiss on her knuckles before you hug her arm against your chest.

If only you could do the same with Nanako too, but she’s gone, completely…

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, and as you draw out a shaky breath a hand falls on your shoulder, making you jump slightly before you look back and see, Choso.

“I thought you left,” you whisper, but feel a sense of relief that he didn’t.

“No,” he says and moves his hands, causing paper to rustle and making you look down to see a large paper map in his hands that only leaves you confused.

However, before you can ask what he needs that for, he extends the map over Mimiko’s body.

“Oh,” you mouth in surprise, and watch the paper cover her completely, leaving only her hand out since you keep it against your chest. “Thank you,” you manage to utter through the shakiness of your voice.

Choso steps back and looks over at you expecting not to catch your eye, but you had been watching him too so you lock eyes and offer him a warm thankful smile that is meant for much more than just covering your daughter's body.

He could’ve left, he should’ve left, but he stayed here and you weren’t alone because of it. He was here and even if he was in the background probably feeling awkward over what he had to witness, you still appreciate his presence. You appreciate his silence because even if he doesn’t say a thing at least you know he’s here.

You’ll always remember that because he was not here after the fact, he was here now, with you. And for that, you appreciate him.

“Really,” you make your gratitude known. “Thank you…” you trail off and sniffle. “And if you want, you can leave,” you contradict your inner thoughts to spare him if that’s what he wants. “Find your father, find what you need about Itadori…I’ll find him later…I just need a few more minutes with my girls.” You nod and offer him a kind smile while you hold his gaze.

Choso doesn’t look away first because unbeknownst to you his mind was running rampant. Besides his current feelings about his father and Yuji Itadori, you ran into the mix as well and confused him more.

Whereas he worshiped you before for what you meant to him, now it feels like you're at his level somehow.

It felt like you were almost unreachable before like you were only something he could admire and feel thankful for, but now it’s different. A bit. He still very much holds you above anyone he’s met, but now besides the way he has to catch his breath when you look at him, or besides feeling his face burn when you say something that makes his heart skip a beat, he now feels the need to fiercely protect you.

After hearing your heartache, and seeing your teary eyes, he wants to protect you so he doesn’t have to see you go through that again.

It’s partially why he didn’t leave when you said he could.

That, and well, before he can do much of anything else, he still also has some things to go over in his head about what he saw in that fake memory of Yuji Itadori.

——

*11:28 pm*

Everything aches and all you feel like doing is staying beside Mimiko. Even if you’re just sitting and staring off at the blood slowly drying on the floor, all you want to do is stay next to her.

Alas, you still need to keep your promise to find Itadori and be at his side as tonight continues to unfold. You need to save Satoru from Noritoshi Kamo, and eventually, you need to go home—even if you don’t want to return home without them, even if you don’t want to explain to your six-year-old daughter that her sisters won’t ever be coming home, and even if you don’t want to go back to your house and see the twins room empty, you still have to.

You need to get up even if it’s hard. You have to…

Get up…get up…

Get up.

Yet when you do stand on your own two feet you need a minute to catch your breath and grasp your surroundings. It felt like you weren’t even conscious in your body just now, it felt like an eternity passed around you.

In reality, though, only a few minutes have gone by. Which is good, if Itadori or anyone else needs your help, they need it now, not later. So it’s good that it's only been a few minutes, you can grieve properly later—

Grieve?

That sounds funny to think about.

It threatens to break you down all over again, but it also feels like you’re making it up. It’s crazy.

It’s just crazy to believe that you have to grieve Nanako and Mimiko. All because of who?

Noritoshi Kamo?

No, doubtful. It doesn’t seem like he would’ve killed them just because. You attacked him so he countered, plus when you saw the twins last it was where the trains stop, this is far from there, so it means it wasn’t him, it was someone else, but who?

Patchface?

He would’ve turned them into a curse if that was the case.

Volcano head?

No, he would’ve burnt them alive.

The other curse with them?

Doubtful.

So was it Sukuna? He’s out. Or he was out, it doesn’t sound like he is anymore.

But why would they have been close to Sukuna? Were they with Itadori?

You have to know. Later. For now, you let out a deep breath and wipe the stray tears off your face, and walk to Choso sitting against the wall a few paces away.

He sees you approaching and his lips part as he slowly sits up to begin to get up, but you plop down next to him and rest your head against the wall.

“Why didn’t you leave?” You break your silence with a raspy voice.

Choso stays quiet for a moment before he draws out a deep breath and responds quietly. “I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

You blink and slowly look over him with pity.

“Besides,” he adds. “I'm still thinking.”

You draw out a deep breath and nod slowly in comprehension. “So,” you probe and look down at the Worm draped around you. “What do you know now that you’ve had time to think?”

Choso lets out another deep breath and mumbles, “I’m still unsure, but I do know that I want to figure it out as I fight for him.” He nods softly. “I'll know soon even if it’s by my father's own mouth, or by my instincts alone.”

A tiny and exhausted smile tugs on your lips at the sound of his words. “Okay, I like the sound of that,” you compliment him and cause him to look over at you.

You also look at him and notice his lips part as if he wants to say something, so you wait. However, his eyes drift past you so you cut in. “I’m going to find Itadori too, and then get my brother back. Not for anyone else, because I know my parents are about to call me and pretend they care so I can help their golden boy. And the rest of the sorcerer society is going to expect me to save him, but,” you sigh. “I’m going to risk my life for my daughter's uncle, whom she loves. I’m going out there because I want to save my brother…” you trail off and share a comforting look.

“I guess what I'm trying to say,” you continue. “Is that if you’re going out there to find Itadori, it’s because you want to. Brother or not, you don’t have to go out there and risk your life. You’re free to do what you want after losing your brothers to him.”

Choso’s eyes drift down for a second before he looks back at you and you realize he makes incredible eye contact—“I need to know,” he says confidently. “And I owe it to my brothers to kill my father.”

You hum softly in comprehension and watch him stand to his given height. You’re about to get up, but he turns and offers you his hand.

His gesture surprises you, even if it shouldn’t, actually you don’t know why it surprises you so much. And you especially don’t know why you stare at his hand for a second longer than you wanted to, but you do and then put your warm hand on his cold one, making his breath hitch as he helps you to your feet.

“Sorry,” you immediately cut in and let your touch linger before you slide it off. “I run warm because of my technique.”

Choso assures you that it’s fine with a shake of his head, making you smile before you offer him a confident look.

“Let’s go kill your dad,” you try to encourage him.

Choso scoffs and the corner of his lips tug to a tiny half smile. “Let’s go,” he agrees with a small nod.

You step forward to begin walking away, but first, you look back at the body you’re leaving behind, and immediately your eyes fill with tears at the sight and the reminder that they’re both gone.

However, you only let a couple of tears roll out as you promise you’ll come back for them later, once your life is secure. You can’t risk having something happen to you or the Worm and losing their bodies along with it, so you’ll come after.

For now, you walk away with Choso with that positive energy long forgotten. You walk in silence now and on the brink of tears.

Choso steals glimpses at you, but he doesn’t know what to say, so he leaves the silence as it is until he has to interject with a question. “Do you also know where Yuji is?”

You break from your stupor and shake your head lightly. “No. I don’t have his location on my phone. We’ll just have to go off instinct or follow the sound of a battle. I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I can try and text him though.”

Without hearing his response you pull out your phone and send Itadori a quick message.

You to Itadori: Could you let me know where you’re at? Please. I’m going to you.

You sigh and as you put your phone away you hope he answers back. Unlike the others who haven’t even read your message.

“Uh,” you interject softly. “After this, Choso, I want to help you get your brothers back from the school.”

Choso snaps his head to you, and you slowly meet his surprised gaze and smile at him so he can know you’re being honest.

“There’s still what? 6 left, and I’ve gone in before, I can go in again,” you continue to explain through his shock. “And it’ll be easier because I currently go to the school for work. I mean sure the higher-ups and the principal won’t like it, but they can suck it because I don’t work for them. They could all die for all I care honestly,” you say without trouble or remorse for them.

“And,” you add in a sweeter and softer tone as you recall what he said a few minutes ago. “You all have a home in my community. You can go there.” You offer him an assuring smile, causing Choso’s chest to rise as his breath catches.

“Why?” He mumbles almost as if he’s out of breath.

You blink and sigh deeply. “Because,” you quickly respond. “I said I was going to take you all out before. I owe it to you to complete my promise.”

Choso lifts his eyes off your lips and meets your gaze to try and find out if you’re playing some cruel joke. But all he sees is what he saw before, what he sees in you all the time he looks into your alluring fire-kissed eyes, hope and warmth. He sees sincerity too in your grieving eyes.

So he trusts that you’re being honest.

Yet he still continues to doubt.

“But…we’re not like you,” he pauses and frowns, making his gaze show conflict that seems to make his brown eyes grow a deeper brown, almost as if they were cast over by a storm—“I’m not like you,” he clarifies. “I’m not…human.”

You stare into his eyes for a moment before you come to a stop, making him slowly mirror your action and face you with confusion mixing in with his conflict.

You proceed to hesitate as you hold his gaze, but then a few seconds later he swears he sees your eyes give off a spark, giving life to the fire lit in your eyes. And before he knows it you approach him and stop only a few inches away from where he stands.

“Give me your right hand,” you demand sweetly as you put your hand out.

Choso blinks in confusion and remains stiff, making you scoff and point at your palm facing the ceiling.

“Come on,” you insist. “Trust me, it’s okay. I mean we are going to fight together so you have to trust me or else we’ll probably die.” You smirk.

Choso’s arm twitches and he lifts his fingers, but he doesn’t give you his hand, so you continue insisting. “It’s okay, I trust you. Trust me.”

Choso lets out a deep breath through his nose and slowly lays his hand on yours, making you flash him a small and proud smile before you turn his hand so his knuckles are resting on your palm instead. You then proceed to gently place his hand against his heart, and you interlace your fingers in between his to press your fingertips against his chest.

And at the simple touch, you hear his breath hitch in the silence that fills the space between you as you feel for his heartbeat that doesn’t come at first. Since his layers are thick it takes a moment, so when you don’t feel anything, you press harder and finally feel that gentle ba-dum beat faster and faster.

“Feel that? That heartbeat?” You ask almost excitedly. “I do,” you assure him and smile at him softly.

Choso’s lips part, but nothing but a huff of air unfurls out. He also thinks you’re about to let go so he doesn’t bother trying to find something to say in the mess you’re causing in his mind. But then, you press your right hand over your chest and proceed to take his hand to place it over yours.

“It’s okay,” you assure him and interlace his fingers in between yours for him as you feel how stiff he is.

“Now feel,” you whisper and glance down for a second before your eyes flicker up to see that his gaze hasn’t broken away from you. He watches you instead of looking away or watching his hand. He holds your gaze with a deep intensity that makes you feel hot while your heartbeat thumps faster under his touch.

Not only that, but you then feel your heart skip a beat under your hands. And you hope he doesn't notice.

“Y-you,” you stammer so you stop and softly clear your throat. “You feel that right?” You ask with more confidence. “My heart beats just like yours,” you comfort him before you slip your hand off, causing his to fall to his side.

“My breath furls in my lungs, just like yours,” you continue and smile wider. “You’re human.”

Choso swallows thickly and neither of you can look away from the other for a moment that seems to grow tensful until he looks down at the floor and shakes his head. “Some of my brothers aren’t like us,” he argues. “They look different.”

You reach over and grab his shoulder, making him slowly look up at you with a deep frown painted on his face. “You see what’s around my neck right?” You quiere.

Choso glances at the worm and looks back at you.

“And a tiger cursed spirit has been almost stuck to my daughter's hip since she could open her eyes because Suguru wanted it to protect her when he couldn’t. She loves that thing, they’ve bonded,” you continue and share a small laugh. “So we see curses, we’re used to strange,” you nod. “And sure, it will take some people time to get used to seeing something new, but as long as they’re like you, as long as they don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone in the community, I’ll welcome them. And so will everyone else.”

Choso's eyebrows furrow and he gently shakes his head. “Why?” He asks.

“Why what?” You rebuttal. “Why we’ll welcome them? Well, that’s what the community is there for. That’s why I made it, so sorcerers like us can have a home…the world is not nice to sorcerers.” You sigh and grow sad as you think about Nanako and Mimiko. “So That’s why,” you finish answering his question.

Choso’s frown trembles and his furrowed eyebrows ease as his eyes grow soft and gleam…

Is he going to cry?

“Thank you, y/n,” he says in a soft voice.

You smile a bright grin as your heart skips a beat at the sight of his reaction and the sound of his voice.

“You’re welcome Choso,” you redirect and pat his shoulder before you give it a gentle squeeze. “Now come on before there’s nothing left to go to.” You chuckle and walk past him.

“Sorry,” you quickly add. ��That joke was of poor taste.”

Choso doesn’t hesitate to fall by your side to walk alongside you towards the escalators. And once you’ve stepped on them and rode up, that short bliss fades away as you remember the tragedy that you were dealt. Again. So you frown as quickly as you just smiled.

Choso notices and wants to add something, but what can he tell you to make you feel somewhat better? He doesn’t know the feeling of losing children, but he does know loss, so he knows that what you feel won’t go away by simple words he can come up with; all you want is to see your daughters again, and he can’t give you that. He can’t give you the motivation of revenge because he doesn’t know exactly who killed your girls, he has an idea, but if that man is such a threat as he’s been told, then there’s no way you can defeat him alone, and he can’t send you to die. So all Choso can offer is words from his heart. After all, you trust him enough to tell him things you probably shouldn’t tell him.

“I have three parents,” Choso interjects, making you look over at him as you climb off the escalators. “My mother, the cursed spirit that impregnated her, and the man who mixed his blood with ours and toyed with my mother. Thereby earning my hate.”

He’s sharing?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you say it from the heart. “I can’t imagine it was easy knowing he was doing all that and you couldn’t do anything about it.”

Choso shakes his head stiffly. “No…all I could do in the abyss was dream of killing him while I was trapped in that form. All I wanted besides getting my brothers out was acting out my revenge.”

You step out of the escalator and continue to walk down the hall to reach the next set.

“Did you know your mother?” You need to ask. “I mean I know the form you were in, but did you ever see her? I mean you were conscious, yeah?”

Choso nods stiffly and hums in agreement before he doesn’t hesitate to answer you. “All I remember of my mother is her voice of when she’d talk to me when I was inside her, and a glimpse of her face. I never had the chance to meet her, he never let her meet me.”

You watch the ground as your mind comes up with something assuring to tell him even if your own experience with your mother isn’t pleasant. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize,” Choso cuts you off. “You did nothing wrong. Her misfortune wasn’t your fault.”

You sigh and nod. “I know, but I’m still sorry that it happened to you. I’m sorry that you never got to know her, or that she never got to meet you.”

Choso eyes linger on you as he hums in comprehension.

“My mother never loved me…” you share suddenly without thinking about it, it just feels right to share something so deeply buried in your heart with him. “Maybe once, but she never loved me enough. She loved my brother,” you huff and glance up. “But never me. But I can say this…I love my children. All five of them,” you smile. “My children mean everything to me, so I can say this to you,” you pause and gather in a deep breath. “I’m sure your mother loved you and your brothers, for you to have such pleasant memories even if they’re few, and for you to have an undying love for her, means she loved you. I’m sure. So be content with that and live for her. Just as you live to act out your revenge against your father, live for her. Don’t let your father win, make him mad, and make him regret what he made, be his nightmare. That’s why my parents are alive, I live to make them mad.” You smirk.

Choso watches you and his lips turn to a soft smile that makes butterflies flutter wildly in your stomach.

“That’s what I plan to do,” he rebuttals. “I owe it to my brothers. And Yuji.”

You smile at the ground and pick on that. “So you know now?”

Choso hums. “Thanks to my cursed technique I can sense the transformation of my younger brothers through our blood connection. No matter how far they are” he says and earns your undivided attention. “For living things, death is the final and greatest transformation. I saw it with my own eyes. I had an intense sensation of Yuji Itadori’s death…” he pauses and looks down at his clenching fist. “…that must mean Yuji is my brother.”

You can’t help but admire his devotion. Just a few minutes ago he was still unsure and he still wanted to fight for him. Now that he knows you can sense a more fierce devotion that you admire.

“It’s going to take a hell of a good explanation for you to convince him of that, I’m afraid I can only help so much,” you let him know the harsh truth.

“Yes.” Choso nods. “I know, but fighting for him, and sticking by his side will help convince him.”

You laugh softly and nod. “Yeah, I’m sure. Just don’t give up.”

“Never.”

And you’ll never give up on your brother either.

“I admire your devotion Choso,” You compliment him, making his cheeks grow a shade of crimson that he hides by turning his head.

“Thanks,” he mumbles.

You hum and climb on the last pair of escalators, thankfully!

“And your brother?” He asks.

You exhale. “I told you already. I’m going to get him back and kill that man in Suguru’s body to finally put him to rest…like I should’ve done a long time ago…” you scoff and shake your head in disapproval. “I should’ve disposed of his body the right way. None of this would be happening if I had. My daughters—”

“No,” Choso cuts you off sharply. “Noritoshi is a cruel man. This is his fault, he was probably already creeping around Geto waiting for the right moment to take his body. It’s what he does. He is chaos and evil, that’s what he is, this is his fault.”

You blink your tears away and see him tilt his head so you can meet his gaze as he attempts to be reassuring.

You think.

His eyebrows are pinched together, and his frown stays curled on his face so it’s hard to know, but you see his attempts and thank him for it, whilst you also mentally thank him for not leaving you alone.

If he hadn’t been with you, you probably would’ve stopped and broken down again. You owe your motivation to him.

“Thank you, Choso,” your voice quivers nonetheless.

Choso’s face finally softens completely as he hums and offers you a soft nod.

You hold his gaze until you step out of the escalators and finally begin to leave the damn station. Its felt like an eternity.

“Uh,” Choso adds timidly. “Happy…birthday….you’ve mentioned it was. So happy birthday?”

You steal a glimpse at him and then laugh with tears coming out of your eyes.

“Oh,” Choso breathes out in confusion. “Sorry?”

You immediately shake your head. “No, no. It’s not your fault. It’s just been a hell of a day…I woke up today and all my kids scared the shit out of me when I walked in the kitchen and saw them there, holding a cake and poppers.” You can’t help your smile before you sigh deeply. “Now I’m here…But at least you’re here too, so I’m glad.” You assure him and nudge his shoulder with yours before you pull your phone out and miss him stealing a glimpse at you.

“Now,” you add, “I’m going to make a call, so excuse me.”

Nevertheless, the person you call doesn’t answer, because of course he doesn’t. Everyone’s been screening your calls tonight!

At least though, the next person you call almost always answers, so you call them.

And thankfully they pick up, but all you hear is distant commotion so you speak up first in a soothing voice. “Kira, it’s me, it's Mama.”

A few seconds pass before you hear them exclaim. “Master?! We heard what happened in Shibuya, are you there?”

You sigh and rub your eyes as you nod. “Yeah, I’m here—”

“Are you okay? Do you need backup?”

“No,” you rebuttal sharply. “No. Don’t. Is Hakari with you?”

Kirara hums in agreement.

“Okay,” you say. “Well thank him for answering his phone, I just called him.”

“Sorry,” Hakari interjects through Kirara’s phone. “It’s dead!” He yells.

You scrunch your nose and pull your phone back as he offends your eardrums. “Well,” you say louder so they can hear. “Put me on speaker.”

You hear Kirara smack their lips through the phone before they give you their confirmation. “You’re on!”

You smile sweetly and put your phone back to your ear to threaten them. “If I see either of you in Shibuya, or even catch a whiff of either of your techniques I will cut off all financing.”

“Master,” Hakari tries to argue, but you cut him off.

“No fight club, no gambling, bye-bye social life, and farm work for a year. Understood?” You ask smugly.

“Hard labor is not training,” Kirara grumbles.

You laugh softly. “So is. I’ll make it training. Don’t come to Shibuya,” you make yourself known with a threatening voice. “I…” you pause and exhale deeply. “I know you’re both strong, but I…can’t lose more people, so please for my sake stay where you are, hm?”

There’s silence for a moment as they grasp the sudden tone shift in your voice.

“Got it,” Kirara assures you for the both of them. “Is everything okay?”

You let out a shaky breath and shake your head. “No,” you confess. “But I’m okay. I’ll call later or tomorrow to explain everything, all right? I just needed to give you this warning.”

“All right,” Hakari agrees. “But call if you need help. We’ll go help you, not the school. You alone.”

The corner of your lips tug to a soft smile at the sound of his meaningful words and devotion. “I will. If I need help…” you trail off and sigh. “I,” you continue and look over at the exit you’re finally close to. “I appreciate you guys you know that? I’m proud of the both of you…I love you guys.” You whisper with tears in your eyes. “Just in case you don’t hear from me now you know.”

A moment of silence passes before you hear chuckling.

“You’re such a sap, master,” you recognize Hakari say. “This is why you would have made such a sucky teacher.”

You giggle and can’t help but agree. “Yeah true, but I like to think I make a good mentor to you two. Yeah?”

“Of course,” Kirara assures you. “The best. We love you too.”

Tears slip past your eyes and you cherish their words. “Thank you. And…goodbye…I’ll call soon, hm?”

“All right, we'll be on alert,” Hakari says. “Kick ass master.”

“Kicking ass and taking names,” you play around. “That’s what we do.” You smile and just need to say it one more time. “Goodbye.”

“Bye!”

“Bye goodnight—” they hang up and you keep your phone by your ear for a second longer before you put it away when you finally step outside into the fresh air! Finally!

Yet just as you’re about to say how thankful you are to be under the night sky and comment on how good the air smells like fire, a hand wraps around your mouth and you’re pulled back into darker shadows.

“Quiet,” Choso commands by your ear.

Your eyes widen, and you slowly peer back at him instead of trying to find what he spotted and catch him looking ahead.

“To the left, there’s a curse,” he whispers, and you continue to watch him. “It doesn’t seem dangerous, but we can’t afford a distraction right now.”

You should’ve pulled away right when he warned you to be quiet but you stayed in his arms, why?

Why does he make your mind all cloudy?

You need to stop getting distracted by him.

Then again, it’s good that you are because even if he doesn’t try to be he’s been your savior. You need to be distracted to avoid falling into a pit of agonizing grief. However, the way he makes your heart race and causes butterflies to flutter is something you haven’t felt in a while, and it’s a bad distraction at the moment when you’re in dire need to focus.

“We can get around it,” Choso adds.

You pull away from his grasp to poke your head out.

And the moment you look out your eyes widen with horror and a sharp gasp leaves your lips as you see the large six-legged curse in the middle of the street just outside the veil.

“What the hell?!” You hiss and step back under the cover of the shadows. “That’s a…ugh,” you groan and quickly realize that the curse was placed there on purpose.

It’s right outside the doors you just exited, and it’s by the veil that Itadori is probably in. Plus…it’s a spider-like curse. You hate, hate spiders. You’re terrified of them, it’s like, a phobia.

Suguru knew that, so it must mean the man using his body knows that too. He placed the damn curse there to slow you down.

What a fucking ass!

“We can’t go around,” you grumble and look up to meet Choso’s confused gaze. “It’ll add 15 more minutes or so to our walk. And that’s not even counting the fact that we don’t know where Itadori is exactly. It could take us a long time to find him too.”

“I can lead us to Itadori,” Choso quickly interjects.

You nod softly. “I’m sure,” you argue. “But I’m scared of spiders,” you share with growing annoyance at this situation. “Suguru knew that. So it means your father does too, that curse is out there to stop me from getting close to him. Just like that curse that trapped me earlier was meant to slow me down…he’s playing mind games because that’s my weakness. So it must mean he’s close.”

Choso sighs and glances at the curse out there. “Then I’ll go and distract it and you go past the veil and reach Itadori, he’s not far. I can feel it,” he suggests, but you quickly rebuttal.

“Didn’t you hear me? It’s a curse meant for me, I’ll kill it. Just…don’t leave,” you sound scared, but not scared of what’s waiting for you, but scared to actually be alone since the twins died. He sensed that.

“I won’t,” he assures you and meets your gaze with a determined gaze.

You draw in a deep breath and nod softly.

“We can fight it together,” Choso adds, making your lips slowly pull to a smirk.

“I like the sound of that,” you quip smugly and reach back to take a long blade out of the Worm's mouth to save your technique's strength for later. “Let’s make this quick then.”

“It doesn’t seem strong,” he says nonchalantly. “We can do it.”

You offer him a simple nod and before you can waste any more time, you walk out to meet the curse first, and it immediately catches a whiff of your presence and spins around to face you with its ten beady eyes that make your grip tighten as your breath hitches.

The curse lets out a sharp but low whistle and crawls forward, making you step back. It then tilts its head to the left before tilting it to the right and blinking all ten eyes.

“Okay,” you breathe out nervously and dig the tip of your shoe into the ground before you break into a hasty sprint forward.

The curse doesn’t move, so you manage to slide under it and slice open its belly with your blade before you reach the other end of its body.

And even then it doesn’t react violently, instead, it begins to move its thin legs as it begins to turn around, but once it faces you, you immediately freeze in horror as you see Nanako’s face looking back at you.

The curse displays her face on its body. Her light brown hair drapes down, and it matches her deep brown eyes so they’re the ones looking back at you now; the eyes of the girl you never got to say goodbye to, the eyes and face of the girl you never got to see for a last time because of how she died.

It’s using your memory, and your pain connected to her face to stop any of your attempts to fight back.

And it worked, you can’t move a muscle, you can’t even think of harming it. All you can muster are tears of sorrow as your face contorts to display your heart's agony.

“I,” you mewl and drop the blade in your hand as if entranced by this curse. “I’m sorry Nanako,” you say even if you know it’s not her.

The curse lets out a sharp cry before it begins to sprint towards you on all six legs.

You step back, but you’re entranced by the face on Its body so can’t react beyond that. You want to, your body is screaming at you to move, but your mind doesn’t send that message to your limbs, so it gets closer and closer. Until suddenly you catch a quick flash of Choso before you’re shoved back and fall back to the ground.

And at the moment of impact, you snap from your trance and go on your knees to shove yourself to your feet and help. However, before you can, you then catch Choso’s blood arrow impale through Nanako—no the curses neck. It’s the curse even if it still has on her face.

Alas the curse doesn’t die, it stumbles back and raises one sharp leg in return, but Choso quickly counters by meeting its swing with two sharp blood claws, causing your lips to twitch to an impressed smile.

However, you then notice the curse try to rebuttal by discreetly raising another one of its legs to jab it through Choso, but without thinking you quickly throw your fist out to blast it a whirlwind of air that shoves it back and saves Choso.

And the moment he notices that he peers back out of surprise, so you briefly meet his gaze before you glance at the curse and pull out a thin and sharp piece of the ground to shove it through its neck, causing its head to fall off.

Yet just before it can hit the ground it grows legs from its head in midair, so you use the wind to keep it in place. And just before you can make a finishing blow, Choso's previous blood arrow remerges and cuts through the barrier of air to shoot through the curses head and finally exorcize it.

And it’s only once its head is on the ground that its face returns to what it was before he used Nanako’s face.

“Thank—”

“I'm sorry,” you quickly apologize for your mistake, almost as if you feared his reaction. “I’m sorry. I froze, I’m sorry.”

Many people have told you to not apologize so much, Yuki punched you in the gut once because of it. But you can’t help it, you fear the consequences because of your parent's reaction when you’d make a mistake.

“Y/N,” Choso mutters and turns to face you. “Stop apologizing,” he insists and walks over to you to get on his knees in front of you still on your knees. “The curse is dead, that’s all that matters.”

You shake your head. “We were supposed to help each other,” you rebuttal to explain yourself. “I let you down, I'm sorry.”

Choso holds your gaze for a second before shaking his head. “You didn’t,” he assures you. “You didn’t expect it to do that, that’s why my father put it here. He wanted to be cruel to you to stop you. That’s what he does, but don’t let him win.”

…he’s right, but it doesn’t make what happened right. Nanako is gone, you knew that and you still let it affect you. Choso could’ve gotten hurt because of it. You could’ve gotten hurt because of it…

Just like fake Suguru wanted.

Of course, he probably didn’t think it’d be the twins that affected you, he probably expected it to be someone else you've lost. But he wanted to weaken you that way. He wanted to play with your mental state expecting you to be alone now that he has your brother.

And it worked even if you weren’t alone. But why should you let that keep affecting you? He wants to fight? You’ll fight. He wants you upset? You’ll be pissed.

No more games.

You’re not weak like he wants you to believe.

The twins wouldn’t let you tear yourself down because of it, they believed you were strong, you’ll prove them right and continue to be strong for them.

You’ll get Satoru back, and kill that man in Suguru’s body. You’ll fight back with all your strength and prove him wrong. You’ll be mad at him. All your anger will be directed at him because that's what he wants.

“Let’s go find Itadori,” you interject.

Choso nods in agreement. “He’s not far I can take us to him,” he lets you know.

You hum in agreement and then begin to smirk. “And then we’ll find your father,” you grimace.

“And kill that bastard,” Choso finishes your sentence with the same amount of menacing determination you have now.

A/N- Maybe if they stopped flirting with each other they’d get to places faster! Anyway Choso is about to see his girl pop off against his dad!

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweird-orchest

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robertoarts · 1 year

Text

Semper Fi

I am not a writer by any means, but I just had this idea, and I couldn't get it out of my head.

This takes place after the end of Avatar 2 so expect spoilers. I am 100% just gonna make shit up here, hope that's ok. idk where this is going, I have covid and ItS 4:21 am, but here you GO I have NOT READ THIS SO IM SORRy FOR MISTAKES OK

This WILL be multiple parts if ya want

Also sorry for the info dump at the beginning but really am not a writer and wanted to provide some context ok

Na'vi Quaritch x Fem Na'vi Reader (former RDA)

(1,896 words)

Some tags ig

[slow burn, like the slowest of burns ok?, memory loss trope, i can fix him trope]

[warning - blood mention]

You have been sneaking through the forest, entertaining yourself, bounding from tree to tree, sent out on a hunting mission along with a few others. You split up a while earlier to spread the load more evenly. Hunting has never really been your strong suit, you preferred blades to bows, and you're larger than most na'vi women, leaving you a little less agile. You knew it had something to do with the human physiology you used to have. You took pride in your strength, and being in the military gave you a purpose...for a time at least. You mostly worked with scientists, working escorts and the like; you were basically a glorified chauffeur, and when the RDA came to Pandora with the promise of new life and new land, and you being a solid 20-year-old marine, you did what you do best.

You were assigned a role on the AVTR team working on a separate subsection; you didn't fully understand what they were doing or why, but it had something to do with integrating the humans and the Avatars, removing the need for the linkbeds altogether. This idea was the beginning of something they called the Recom project. The work was a success and a small group of humans fully integrated into their Na'vi counterparts. You were one of the first ones they tried the experiment on. Being the muscle, the risk of you dying would have little effect on anyone. You were happy to oblige; you preferred being in your avatar body.

Your time in Pandora was a complex one. While protecting the scientists, you fell in love with the planet, the culture, and the people. As you spent time in Pandora with the scientists, you lived among the Anurai Clan. Renowned for their artisans and craftsmen. It went against everything the RDA said, the people weren't savages, their planet was beautiful, and their connection to Eywa was sacred. You kept this to yourself for a while. Being the property of the RDA, you knew not everyone would share your sentiments, but as time passed, you knew you were not the only one. When the war with the sky people began, you and over half of the scientists took the side of the Na'vi, and the rest went back to continue their Recom research.

The war with the sky people and the Omaticaya clan is well known, but the effect on the Anurai clan was severe, almost wiping them out. Few true Anurai remained after, and you, as a united people, moved away from your home, settling somewhere new to find peace, knowing the RDA would eventually react.

The 17 years since have been a mixed bag. You had become good with crafting, knives were your speciality, but you also carved small sculptures in your spare time, usually making Thanators for members of the Clan. With it being their totem animal, you had numerous requests. And while RDA did respond, your focus was on helping the Anurai clan breathe life back into what they once were, and slowly the Clan has begun rebuilding. You did anything they asked, hunting, gathering but mostly fishing.

That is the quest you had been sent on this eve. Although you were more significant in size than most, you had a stillness about you in the water, making you a pro and capturing the river fish. The walk was extensive, but you still enjoyed the physical exertion—a soldier trait you couldn't kick. One leg in front of the other, repetitive motion to keep your mind still. The view was spectacular, too, you didn't connect with Eywa often, but you felt her all around you as you travelled.

You picked some Nurra berries while walking the route to your favourite part of the river. There were places closer to the Clan, but you liked to take the time to walk to your favourite spot. A home away from home, a small waterfall with a cave hidden beyond the water, the fish were more relaxed, and you had set up a little space in the cave with some things you preferred to keep private.

As you throw some Nurra berries into your pack, your ears prick up. The forest shifts. It feels quiet, almost unnatural. You immediately slow, bend low, a unsheathe your knife. You move slowly, down to the ground, and deliberately to make little noise.

That is when you hear it, groans, almost inaudible. They sound pained? Close by, off the path ahead. You move towards it, holding your knife to your chest; it is bigger than the average, handcrafted by yourself, your personal initiation to your Clan. The groans get louder, and you prepare for anything as you follow. You slowly push some flora out of the way, and you see...a man?

Shock grips your soul. You see an RDA avatar wearing military gear, completely ripped to shreds, blood-staining his green tank top. His face is towards the ground, and you can see his typical Jarhead haircut and his kuru, the hair around it dishevelled, showing his skin in unprotected areas. Your ears roll back, and you hiss in his direction. What is an RDA soldier doing out here?? The sound of your hiss stuns the man into movement, desperately turning, pushing himself off the ground, mud covering his face, turning to look. Fear tugged at his face, ears submissive and mouth agape.

You leap towards him, knife at the ready, "What are you doing out here, soldier!?" you shout in English. He tries to push himself away from you, confusion painting his face. "I... I " you hear a deep drawl. With menacing intent, you begin to move closer, standing taller to assert your dominance. You were wearing some traditional Anurai garbs but opted for leggings which one would usually wear for riding, another human perk you hadn't shaken yet; the feeling of pants made you feel safer. The sky above you opens up, and you feel the wet drips on your body as you stand. The sound is roaring, and rain begins belting down to Pandora with heavy ferocity.

The man looked pathetic below you, scared, wet, and bleeding. He was helpless; he had no weapon you could discern and seemed desperate to get away from you. He is pushing himself away, digging into the wet ground to find traction.

"Answer me, kalweyaveng!" your voice boomed out, causing him to flinch, his tail swinging recklessly behind him. "I don't know!" He shouted in response, "I don't know where I am, I don't...I don't know how I got here. I can't .." your head tilts at his answer.

"You can't....? What is your name, soldier?"

"I don't..." the man looks scared and confused; he looks around, pulling himself further away from you. Your eyes widen, you take the risk and take your eyes off the man, looking around for any sign of backup. Was this some trick? You can see in your peripheral that he is trying to stand, and you turn your head to look. He is holding his midsection, the rain accentuates the crimson colour leaking from his fingers.

Guilt pangs at you, this man acts like he doesn't know who he is, where he is or why he is here. And now he will die alone, scared in a place that is not his home. You lift your knife, ready to move toward him and take his life. He isn't even looking at you anymore, he is pushing himself off the ground, standing. As he stretches out before you, you can see he is exceptionally tall, his body holds muscles in a similar way to yours, not of the Na'vi living at home, all limbs and grace. He is dejected, almost accepting of his coming fate. So much needless death, you think to yourself, reluctance seeping from your being as you inch your way forward.

That's when you see it, atokirina, a seed of the tree of souls. Not one, but two. Floating their way over to this strange man, in this madness, seemingly missing every torrential raindrop divebombing their way towards them.

Doubt and reluctance combined with this sign from Eywa were enough to sway you. If Eywa could accept you, why could it accept this man? You slide your knife back into its tstalsena. You take a breath, cautious, and say, "Semper fi", moving towards him, grabbing his arm and placing it over your shoulder and sharing his weight with you, "Come on stranger, let's get you out of this rain, I know a place not to far from here we can take shelter.". He winces, letting himself relax a little, putting more weight onto you. He is far more strung out than he let on, which you didn't think possible.

The two of you make your way to your safe space, unsure of what to do with the avatar yet. Better to take him away from the Clan for now and figure out what to do later.

Supporting his weight was beginning to grow tiresome, but you can see your waterfall ahead, the rain is relentless, and you can feel the man shivering around you. You have shared silence on your journey here; his tiny breaths seem to grow weaker, and worry begins to sit in your stomach. You pull more of his weight onto you and walk faster.

You pull him into the cave, walking underneath the waterfall, the water warmer than the rain, and you pass through. You place the man down, leaning him against the back wall of your cove, in front of the small fire pit already prepared. You take out your knife and begin striking the hilt onto a rock, trying to create the spark you need to warm your new five-fingered friend.

An orange glow and the following warmth emit from the pit, and you start throwing on logs to generate more heat. You move to a pack with some different medicinal poultices and bring them over to the stranger. He seems to have passed out since placing him on the ground, he is weak and injured. You take what you have and do what you can, lifting off the dark green tank top and seeing the damage to his muscular chest. You smear the goop onto the open wounds on his body, and they are not severe, he will not die from these just yet. Due to your walk through the rain, his face is no longer muddy, and you can finally get a good view. He looks young, younger than you, maybe in his 20's? He is handsome, his short hair suits him well; short hair is something you do not often see among the Na'vi people as their hair often tells stories. He is cute, you think as you examine the damage to his face. He also has a burn on his neck, which you treat the best you can. You are not a healer, it is not your strong suit, and you a very quickly using up what medicine you have stashed away, you will have to ask Euatx for more when you go back. Around his neck, you see tags, you peer at them, hoping to get a glimpse of his name; the tags look damaged, and you only see one name.

"Huh. Hello Miles."

Translation

kalweyaveng - son of a bitch

atokirina - woodsprite

tstalsena - knife sheath

#avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #avatar quaritch #quaritch #miles quaritch #na'vi quaritch #colonel quaritch #quaritch x reader #na'vi quaritch x reader #omg i hope this is okay #lmk if its shit #mine

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shintin · 11 months

Text

Gunpowder Dreams

Chapter 2 (Shadow)

↳ Vash the Stampede x Female Reader

They didn't know a wounded man would show no mercy when they took the best thing he ever had away from him. What did they say? Don't poke the dragon if you can't take the heat; if you do, expect the flames.

Genre: explicit smut, toxic relation, romance, angst (Mafia au).

Warnings/Tags: +18, NSFW, Alternative Universe/Modern Setting, no spoilers from manga and anime, dominate Vash the Stampede, sexual situations, dub-con, graphic violence, gore, angst, toxicity, gun-play, manhandling, cunnilingus + fellatio, creampie, fingering, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, too many smut scenes, emotional trauma, and etc.

Song Recommendation: Royal Deluxe - Dangerous

Note: 1. Before reading this chapter, review the tags and warnings again. 2. Don't worry about the names. They are members of Gung-Ho-Guns. Not important.

Chapter Index - Next Chapter

Blood.

The first thing to trick your senses.

The moment you caught a whiff of what could only be described as the scent of evil incarnate, you wished it had been something else entirely. Then a sense of fear and urgency slithered in, whispering in your ear, "Wake up! You are in danger."

Those whispers turned into a song full of screeching and loud noises, filling your body with heart-wrenching panic. Coldness and ropes. You were lying on a stone floor with your hands and legs tethered. Your adrenaline spiked, and you barely had enough guts to keep silent.

Cracking open your crusted eyes, you found yourself in complete darkness. It took a second to process that a blindfold was strapped around your head. As the tight knot pressed against your skull, you felt a brand-new dizziness blossoming on your forehead.

Slowly, the blissful numbness of your awakening crumbled, leaving you with a chilling sensation akin to unexpected snow. You lost your breath when all-consuming pain was followed by an absolute agony engulfing your body.

God! Is this what it feels like to be alive?

Cause it couldn't be death. If it were, you'd be at peace. Although you left the house without bodyguards or your father's permission, you'd be damned if you didn't land a spot within heaven's gates. There was no way you deserved this crap.

Racking your brain, you tried to think past the pain and remember what the fuck happened to you. Vaguely, you recalled leaving a convenience store with shopping bags in hand and walking toward the parking lot. And now you were here… wherever that was. But not somewhere safe.

Christ! What were you thinking? Why you had to disobey your father, you pig-head? Ah! Is this some stupid joke, or were you kidnapped for money? Huh! Maybe you should let them know he won't even pay a penny for your ass! Or wait! Was this a retaliation for some shady business he was involved in again?

Another wave of panic crashed through you as you considered this possibility. Scenarios curtailed and evolved until you were a mass of anxiety and desperation. You could be in serious trouble.

Fuck—you were in serious trouble, and you had no idea how the fuck you were going to get out of it.

Breathing more heavily, your heart slammed so hard against your chest that it physically hurt. So, your last bit of strength went into keeping silent with the buzzing in your ear.

Where the fuck were you?

Quiet, dull voices followed, muffled by the noise in your head but steadily growing louder. Hearing their talks was hard as you strained your ears, trying to distinguish the words over the terror and pain swelling in your body.

"His maniac brother will be looking for her," a man said quietly. "But we should be fine. Master ordered us to take her before his brother. Once he shows up, Vash-sama can't get us anymore."

A particular memory knocked you over the head, flashes of getting hit on the head and being dragged on the ground bit through your skin. Well, thank you very much! This explained why the fuck your back was on fire.

There was no joking. You'd been fucking kidnapped— no shit, Sherlock!

And it must have been some Mafia's doing since no one else would dare touch Gasback's daughter. Golly! Probably that's why your father warned you to give up your shitty sneaking out habit, and you had to be proven how dumb you were. It was your curse. You had to be the rebellious child just to show resentment toward him for leaving your mother on the deathbed to fuck around with chicks and whores. In your determination to go against his wishes, following his rules wasn't even a consideration. If you weren't this stubborn, not only could you have avoided all of this shit, but you also wouldn't have blood sticking all over your face.

Stupid girl!

Your eyes swelled shut as a sob rose to your throat. A tear slipped through your lashes, and your chest shook with exertion, trying not to break down. This was your own damn fault. You walked right into the trap despite the warnings.

"You actually think we'll be able to hide from him? He's a nutcase, man," another man responded, this one with a slightly strange accent.

"All we're doing is following Master's orders. Which one are you more afraid of? Knives or Vash?"

What the fuck? Who was this Master? What the fuck was going on? Why were they afraid of those Knives or Vash dudes?

You didn't know how you got into this fucked-up situation, but you needed your father to get you out of it. But only this time, though. Because you didn't belong here, you weren't meant to be enslaved.

"I'd prefer not to fucking choose," the second man muttered. As if reassuring someone, it sounded like a hand slapping a shoulder.

"Too bad you don't have a choice, Rei-Dei. Doesn't matter. This girl right here is worth millions. She's his daughter! You know how many enemies he has? People will be frothing at the mouth to make his girl their little toy. We'll get our cut from Knives, and we'll be living fucking lavishly." He let out a burst of hyenalike laughter. "Once the money goes through, I'll have a brothel full of juicy pussies!"

Anger flooded your veins at the man's callous words, assuming women as walking holes.

"You should walk out of this dungeon alive at first, Caine," the second man— Rei-Dei— responded.

His name sounded familiar, and you thought you faintly remembered someone yelling his name after they took you.

"Don't worry, man. We'll get a head start after delivering her to the Master. He'll protect us."

A derisive snort was the only response the first man got.

Bloody hell! You really were in deep shit. Your eyes brimmed with tears, and no amount of convincing could keep them from overflowing. A sob still clawed its way up your throat, threatening to spill, but somehow, you managed to wrangle it down.

It took you a few moments to gather your thoughts. With the blindfold on, you didn't know whether they could see you. A single wrong movement could alert them. You took deep, silent breaths to calm yourself, but suddenly someone touched your thigh, and you couldn't keep the yelp from slipping free.

"Greetings from the land of the living, sweetheart," one of the men crooned. It was the first guy who was after pussies.

Your body trembled uncontrollably in horror and hatred as you flinched away from the hand. Your heart was racing, but you refused to let your fear win and summoned all your courage. In a situation like this, you were powerless to see or fight back against this person. It was a terrifying predicament that could quickly turn out badly if you weren't careful. You had no option as letting yourself get paralyzed. This threat had to be faced head-on. "Where are we?" You asked, your voice raspy and hoarse. How long were you here?

It took a while for the answer to come as if the person was analyzing your newfound bravery. "In your new home," he replied, chuckling as if you were a dog adopted by a loving family. "You'll love it here."

With a constant sense of anxiety, cold, and this baneful presence of danger, you couldn't help but feel vulnerable and exposed. You heard your teeth chattering, and their laughter drowned out the sound.

Fucking assholes!

The way you were shivering, if there hadn't been any contortion or levitation, it would have looked like you were in the middle of an exorcism. Maybe you really were. Each tremble intensified the pain, and everything hurt so badly. God! There had never been a time in your fucking life when you felt more miserable.

"Don't worry, princess. Your owner will be almost here," Rei-Dei talked, his voice grinding against your already frayed nerves. "Vash-sama is going to love you." The ominous tone in his voice tensed your body further. Something about the way he said it made you feel like you had more to fear from this Vash than any man who came your way.

"W-who is he?"

The whole room was quiet for a moment, allowing the sound of water dripping on the hard ground to reach your ears, but then Caine spoke, "The one person you want to impress the most," he said, his voice grave. There was something he was afraid of about that man. If this fucker was scared of him, what was waiting for you? "Because he will determine just how miserable your life will be until the end."

The sound of his footsteps walking away from you made you squeeze your eyes shut in relief. God dammit! Even though you hadn't been here that much, you already felt defeated. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly and steadily.

Despite feeling uneasy with every question you asked, you had to gather whatever you could before facing this monster. "Wh-why he wants me?"

"It doesn't matter why. Now shut up! I need to take a leak. If you keep talking, I'll undo my pants and paint a picture on your pretty face."

It took the disgusting threat to snap you out of your trance. Anyhow, ending the conversation was best. Although you had never been good with your mouth, you didn't want to risk your life in a place where rabid men roamed. So, you kept silent even as he walked around you. "Keep quiet like this, or you'll be surprised at how many cocks will fit in your mouth."

Your eyes rounded under the blindfold, and your teeth snapped shut. From the audible click, the man chuckled. Swallowing nervously, your heart started thumping too loud in your ears, making everything fuzzy enough that you didn't hear when someone grabbed your arm, and before you could open your mouth to scream, you felt a prick in your arm, followed by a burning sensation spreading throughout your veins. You sucked in a sharp breath. And it happened to be the last breath you took before darkness descended.

"Master's already deposited the check, so we can do whatever the fuck we want."

You stirred; the familiar voice distorted beneath the ringing in your ears. The roughness of his tone felt like scratching nails on a chalkboard. You had awoken to that damn voice too many times now, and each time was a stark reminder that you had been sucked into a nightmare and hadn't yet found a way out.

Your body was wracked and battered with agony. It felt like you were drowning, trying to reach the surface, but not succeeding because you knew the pain would only worsen. Flames were licking your nerve endings, and the closer you got to consciousness, the brighter the flares became. You were still tied in a seated position, helpless like a hunt. Right now the coldness of the wall against your back was the least of your concerns. A small prick was felt in your arm, followed by faint voices from all sides.

"Fucking idiot," Rei-Dei muttered under his breath. Then louder, he reminded him, "No, you can't do whatever you want! Because even if you survive Vash-sama, you'll have a big fucking target on your head in the shape of Gasback."

Did you hear your father's name?

Caine started talking, unconcerned, "You worry too much, Rei. We'll hide until he gets his revenge, and then, we can do whatever we want."

What revenge?

You shrank and instinctively wanted to wrap your arms around yourself, but they were still tied behind your back. It looked like they noticed you again since the room filled with elicited grunts of amusement.

"Aw, don't be shy, baby girl. We have all this money because of —"

Whatever the man was going to say was cut off by the door opening, and the entire room instantly went still. Everything went quiet like the air in the deadly space had been suddenly sucked out. The silence around here wasn't one vacancy, but rather of them holding their breath, praying for the person entering the room to show mercy.

Despite your best effort, you could only hear heavy footsteps approaching. Though you didn't know who would show up or what they would do, you knew this wasn't someone to be trifled with.

"This the girl?" the new man called out. Under the surface of his voice, you could detect no remorse or kindness, only icy coldness and an overwhelming sense of malice.

Like a bitch wagging its tail, Caine answered amusingly, "Yes, Master."

So, this was the Master they were talking about. You were kidnapped by this lunatic before another one. What an honor! The devils were vying to get you first.

"Who did this to her?" he demanded, his tone ruthless. He was no human; you had already decided. He was just a soul-sucking being without grace or compassion, only interested in fulfilling his own desires. "Her face is all damaged." His voice faded before cutting back in, a harsh shriek that sent shivers up your spine. "I prefer to bruise the apple myself, DON'T YOU KNOW?"

There was no need to be an expert to realize that no one liked eating bruised apples. Naturally, he wanted a nice, shiny apple to sink his teeth into and rip apart himself. Piece by piece.

"She looks fine," another answered, his voice all concerned. Rei-Dei's companion, you thought. It was apparent they had screwed up. A pathetic pang filled your heart at the thought of these fuckers being punished for damaging you.

"Fine? You call this fine?" The sharp snap of a slap hitting someone startled you. It was a brutal blow, and you could feel the shock even from where you were kept.

"You think I can gift something like this to my lil brother?" When he'd met with silence, a muttered "Thought so" followed.

Then, as if your worst fear had decided to come true, his presence gradually grew nearer to you. "You're quite a sneaky little bug, aren't you?"

Realizing he stood before you, you tried to steel yourself against panic. Nausea tickled your consciousness, threatening to pull you back down. You let out a sharp breath as probing, lifeless fingers slid down your blindfold and pried your eyelids open. Flickering light tortured you to the point you tried to shut them off, but he wouldn't allow it.

"You won't close them until I allow you to; otherwise, I'll tear out one by your choice." He smiled. Seeing the twisted delight on his face, it was a sickening sight. Your chin was held up, his face crowding over yours. Although the image was still blurry, you could see his light blond hair, eyebrows, pale blue eyes, and a mole under the right one. You parted your lips, but your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. He was lucky you didn't spit on him as you were tempted to, but that would be stupid, and you couldn't be stupid right now.

Jesus, what did they inject you with? Whatever it was, it was making you disoriented and dizzy.

"I know you're in a lot of pain, little bug, but I need you to tell me where it hurts."

Everything. Everything fucking hurt. "My… shoulder," you croaked out finally. "My head."

With your vision improved a little, you could see his white turtleneck and pants, which contrasted dramatically with the place's colors. Dingy and damp, the dungeon looked like an abandoned cave. A heavy, oppressive atmosphere hung heavy in the air like a burden of grief. The walls were covered in a thin layer of soot and grime. Only a few torches lined the walls, keeping the darkness at bay. The dim and eerie illumination made the whole place even more unsettling.

"Anywhere else? Your chest or stomach?"

Was he trying to fool you with this mask of civility?

"Back," you gasped, recalling how your back felt like a cheese grater had shredded it.

"That all?" he asked, keeping his tone neutral. As he stared at you, he brushed his hair back.

You nodded, exhausted by the incessant questions. It hurt in a million other places, too, but your energy had depleted, and you were tired.

"You're not lying to me, are you?" His breath flared on your face, and then a scream left your mouth as he pressed your shoulder with his hand. You noticed his sick grin as endless pain surfaced over your surroundings. This man was a wretched, vile creature who delighted in inflicting pain and suffering on others. "I don't like liars, little bug." He poked your nose as he pulled back his face. "Lucky you're not one."

What the fuck was wrong with these people? Who were they?

The two men standing behind him had bottomless eyes and wicked grins on their faces, just like their dickhead Master. The pair had been so quiet, staring at you as if you were a lab rat in an experiment.

A very fucking horrible experiment.

Your eyes clashed with a dark pair first. His eyes were almost black and lifeless from the lack of warmth. Tattoos covered his skin, and serpents curling around roses on either side of his throat drew your attention first. A leather jacket was zipped up over his shoulders. In addition to his long black hair, he had sharp angular features and thick arched brows, which completed his near-feral appearance.

Next to him was a grungy-looking man with scabs on his face from apparent drug use. The mop of greasy hair was covered by a backward ball cap, a dirty wife-beater, and oversize pants. His teeth were so black, it looked like worms had infested his mouth.

Lastly, you glanced at the third man. The sick bastard. He would be attractive if he didn't look like he'd rather see you bleed to death than do anything else. There was a dark aura surrounding him. You were sure the unsettling atmosphere up here derived directly from him. He cultivated an energy that made you feel as if you were stuck in a room breathing black smoke.

The blond man hummed, thrilled by your fearful reactions, then he talked again. "Do you know who I am?" It took you a few seconds to rein all the dirty names on the tip of your tongue, but you managed to swallow them down enough to shake your head.

His eyebrow popped up on his forehead. Undoubtedly, he was the star of his own nasty show. "I'm Knives," he said. "That's my name, but it's not how you'll address me."

Frowning, you knitted your brows, unsure of how to react. Taking your face closer, he placed his lips an inch away from your ear before you could even realize what he was doing. When he whispered, "I am the head of this family." You winced. "Master, you'll call me that, just like others. You won't speak, act or even think without my permission. Understood?"

Inhaling sharply, you couldn't speak a word as your eyes were shocked.

"Should I repeat myself?" He pushed your face away harshly, causing your shoulders to hit the wall. You screwed your eyes shut in pain as a puff of air escaped you from the impact.

"Yes," you whispered, though your words were garbled between your pinched lips. "I understood." He was angry with his men for damaging the apple, yet he couldn't keep his goddamn hands off you.

A cold tremor settled deep in the marrow of your bones, causing you to look away. While the dull, throbbing pain was growing more intense, it was still not as severe as when you first awoke. Whatever painkillers they pumped into your system were wearing off, and you wouldn't hesitate to ask for more. The pain in all of your muscles was so intense that you felt like a hard shell had formed around your body.

You were incredibly stiff, and every movement twinged.

This… this terror was unlike anything you had ever experienced before. It wasn't like the cheap thrill you get from scary movies, and you knew you were truly fucked when you felt this way.

"Don't worry, little bug. I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered. "No more than what you can tolerate anyway."

You swallowed, a lump forming in your throat, and then your gaze fixated on a dark red puddle on the table you hadn't noticed before. You couldn't even begin to imagine what that could possibly be from.

Tracking your line of sight, the blond man turned to see what you were staring at. He barked out a laugh when he saw it. "Want to place a bet on what it's from?"

Your face contorted in revulsion.

"My bet is that some bitch lost her tongue right there," Knives chimed, turning his attention to you and leaning his cheek against his palm as if he had just seen the sweetest scenery ever.

It was as if he had just walked out of hell's gate. You were frightened by his look, but his creepy smile sent your heart sinking to the pits of your stomach. "As long as you do as you're told, I'll let you keep yours," the psycho said, pulling your attention back to him.

You bristled, anger rising in your chest. You were two seconds away from telling him that he needed to be admitted to the nuthouse, but you didn't say that out loud, given that you were already in a fucking nuthouse. Yet, you couldn't keep that loose mouth of yours shut. "You're sick," you blurted out, your voice watery and full of hate.

"Shut up!" he screeched. The calm man completely lost his mind as if you had hit the jackpot. His chest heaved with anger. Heat radiated from him in waves, solar flares of fury lashing at you as he seethed. Then he grabbed your hair and slammed your head against the ground, sending fire racing across your scalp. You cried out; the sound quickly muffled when he yanked your head back, forcing you to stare at his disgusting face, nearly spitting with ire. He was on his knees, eyes wild as he hissed, "Be careful what you say, or you'll suffer way worse than this. To fucking God, I'll make you wish you were dead."

Tears flowed down your cheeks, slobber nearly pouring from your mouth as sobs racked your throat. His slap landed across your face, your ear ringing as he continued to hit you mindlessly until you were breathless from the pain. "You fucking useless bitch!" he shouted, but through the pain and rivers glistening in your eyes, you could no longer see him. Indiscernible pleas fell from your lips, but you didn't even know what you were saying.

"Get in here," he snapped to someone, but you couldn't see who. Eventually, he released you, nearly knocking your head off the floor again, only to feel some other weight pressing down on you.

You wiggled, attempting to roll out of his hold, but the attempts were all vain, and he forced you back down. "Stop!" you screamed, your vision blackening with panic and tears, but then you felt the cold metal of the gun nozzle against your head.

"Wait, wait, please, please," you begged, desperate to get away but unable to. You could see Knives' shiny shoes walking away from you, laughing at your misery until the squeaking of the wooden door filled the dungeon, and someone charged in.

"HOW DARE YOU?" a man, probably standing in the doorway, shouted as if the rage within him was boiling, building up like lava about to erupt.

How do volcano eruptions begin? Pressure. It was brewing inside this new arrival. As the fiery magma erupted, hatred thickened, and bloodlust grew denser. Eventually, he would fucking explode, and you hoped he would burn this whole goddamn place down.

In no time, you heard gunfire and saw a man fall to the ground, his blood splattering across your face. The weight on your back was gone as your cheek hit the floor's rough surface, a chill slowly seeping into your skin. The shock shuddered through you, but the scream of terror never left your lips. You were utterly terrified, your whole body shaking as your heart tried to tear open your chest.

All the pain beat like a pulse behind your eyes, making it impossible for you to turn your head. Your lashes dripped warm crimson blood when your gaze was fixed on Caine's lifeless limbs a few feet away. You had no idea if he was dead or alive and why nobody reached for help.

You could hear the new man's heavy, determined footsteps as he stomped past the scene, his boots slowly clattering against the stones. As he stepped on the red puddle, the soles of his shoes made a soft wet squishing sound against the stained floor.

He wore all black. His boots were made of leather, black as the night sky, now covered with the drops of blood moon. His pants were the same, a dark shade of black that hugged his legs tightly. With his black shirt and gloves, he looked like a shadow rising from the depths of hell.

The entire surface of his neck was covered with tattoos, dark and intricate designs. It looked like a maze or some mysterious symbol. While his sun-colored spiked hair stood out in the darkness, the loop in his left ear completed the sinister ensemble.

As he approached, your pain-soaked body trembled with fear, but he did not even glance in your direction.

Despite his lack of emotion, his movements were not as sterile as Knives. There was something tired about this one. As if he wasn't born this way, but had cared for so long, he was left with nothing but rage. Someone had taken away his heart. But he was no hero, and you had no admiration for him. He might have been a good man once upon a time, but now he was cold and emotionless like the rest. You didn't dare to move your eyes to look at his face. There were already so many Satans you had met today.

Pointing at the corpse, suddenly Re-Dei's shout echoed in the room, "What? Why, Vash-sama?"

Only then did the beast stop, his boots trampling blood pool without a second thought. You glanced at him from the aside. Rei-Dei was aimed at by the man in black who leveled his firearm. "Nobody gets away with touching what's mine. Got a problem?"

Despite being disgusted by how he named you his property, you couldn't ignore the clear message behind his actions — he wouldn't hesitate to use his weapon, and just like Rei, you had better think very carefully about what you would do. The consequences could be dire if anyone chose their words poorly with this man.

The sudden movement of Vash frightened Rei-Dei, and as he stared up at the man's cold, predatory gaze, his fear and terror grew. He struggled to speak, his voice stuttering as he tried to find the right words.

"N-no, bo-ss." He turned and watched his Master stand there, seemingly unfazed by the death of one of his own. He must already learn that his Master cared little about him.

The air was thick with tension, the man on the edge and ready for any sign of aggression, but Knives just seemed to be enjoying this little theater, watching people die with a cruel relish.

"I know you're grieving, but I thought we'd already established that you weren't supposed to kill my men," Knives finally spoke, but nonchalantly. For him, this was all a fun game.

Vash's face turned from Rei-Dei to his brother with a cold, contemptuous sneer. He wasn't afraid of Knives and refused to be intimidated by his words. "I thought you'd keep your dogs on leash," he said ruthlessly. "Because certainly, I enjoy putting them to sleep."

Rei looked at his Master's expressionless face, and you could sense the fury burning up like a furnace inside Knives, but somehow he managed to keep a calm exterior. He was the type of guy who wouldn't let anyone see him get rattled, but he wouldn't let the insult go unanswered. You were sure he would never give anyone, not even his little brother, the satisfaction of seeing his rage.

Perhaps that's why he gazed at you, a mistletoe smile spreading across his lips. The subject was going to be changed by baiting you. "Did you like my gift, Vash?" he spoke in a measured tone, his words dripping with cold malice and contempt. He pointed at you like a piece of filth that needed to be discarded after being used and abused.

It looked like Vash was insistent on ignoring your existence and the fucks happening around here. For him, this was just another day. He seemed so carefree, spinning his gun in his hand. He was quick and agile, easily handling the deadly weapon as if it was an extension of his arm. His gaze was locked on his big brother. "Returning what you've stolen isn't a gift, Kni." In a fluid motion, he returned the revolver to its holster.

Knives' smile turned into a snarl as the words struck him like a hammer blow.

Moments of silence, then they began talking again, their voices barely louder than whispers, yet filling you with disgust. There may be a common bond between these brothers, but they seemed to have little affection for one another.

The power these creatures wielded over your life was beyond comprehension. What would happen to you as a pawn in their twisted games when they stopped playing? Where the hell was your father and his men? Why were you still here? What did they want from you?

"Anyway, I've got to go, party pooper," Knives said. Letting out a sigh, he grabbed his coat. You caught him as he looked at you smugly, pleased with himself and his handiwork.

In a flash, he turned to leave, Rei following him, but Vash stood in the way. His grip tightened around Knives' arm and pulled him closer. "You didn't kill her," he whispered, probably staring at the bloodied footsteps he'd left behind. You couldn't see the upper half of his face because of the lack of light.

"She wasn't my toy to break," Knives retorted with arrogance and a sense of superiority; he was such a proud boy who wouldn't even apologize for playing with his little brother's stuff without his permission. There was no doubt in his mind he was untouchable.

"Do anything like this once more, and you'll have the displeasure of not seeing me again." His monotone voice carried a distinct threat. Knives remained silent, which meant the younger brother was serious about what he had just said, not giving away empty promises.

Vash released his arm and walked aside, opening the way for his cursed family's head. His hands moved swiftly as he searched through his pockets, his fingers quick and decisive, not wanting to waste any time. He tipped his head slightly to the side as he rummaged through his belongings. A blue pack of cigarettes was pulled from his pocket and slid between his lips smoothly.

"What that means?" Knives' tone was bitter as he stood and stared. He was obviously caught off guard, not expecting his brother to threaten him in such a manner. Now you could see it. Knives only concern was his twin. He only cared about him.

Holding the cig with his teeth, he smiled at his twin. "Fuck around and find out." Turning away his head, he flicked his lighter and brought the flame close to the cigarette. A faint light illuminated his face briefly, and then darkness enveloped him once more. Probably he didn't need to look at his brother's face to see how worried his pale blue eyes were. Maybe that was his intention. Maybe this was his perfect gamble. Vash might have known his weak spot and wasn't afraid of pushing it.

Knives stormed out of the dungeon with his dog 3 steps behind him, slamming the door shut. Your heart sank when you realized you were now alone with the other maniac, and somehow, you felt even more helpless, knowing no one would be here to stop him. You hate it here. You hate it here. You hate it here. You hate it here.

Walking toward the bloodied table, Vash stood before it as if he could see what most likely had happened there. He took a deep drag on his cigar, letting out the smoke in a slow and steady stream. The small white cloud swirled around him, giving him an ominous aura.

It wasn't pleasant to watch. He wasn't one of those smokers you used to see among your father's men. Instead of puffing away with pleasure, he was trying to keep as much smoke in as possible, ensuring that it would burn his lungs and nostrils – a cold and ruthless Harakiri.

He extinguished the flame of his cigarette by pressing it against the blood, and turned toward you.

Close your eyes and prepare for the worst.

Your body curled in on itself, the lump lodged painfully in your throat, but you didn't have it in you to swallow it down. A whimper escaped your lips, like the cries of a wounded animal.

You felt a mass descend on you. Your heart picked up speed, and fear pumped through your veins, settling low in your stomach, eating at your insides like acid. The smell of something sweet, rainwater, and smoke flew around you. Very odd in a place like this, but that wasn't important right now. You flailed uselessly, yet your fists were unable to escape the ropes.

"Shhh," he whispered. You fought harder when you remembered what those douchebags had said about this nutty twin. Screaming for him to leave, you braced yourself for a blow, but instead, you felt a gloved hand running throw your hair, his thumb caressing your bruised cheek. "Shhh, it's okay."

You opened your eyes. It was not very often that people surprised you. Since you expected the worst from everyone, yet when you looked into his eyes, you couldn't believe he was a cold-blooded killer.

Million shades of blue swimming in warm, sunlit waves. His eyes, they resembled sea glass, glacier water, wet stone walls, and broken light on rainy streets. Fire on the ocean, you thought, as if imagining such a thing was possible. Yet nothing was behind them. Empty. He had been robbed of his humanity.

Blowing out a sharp breath, you forced yourself to fight, gritting your teeth from the aches in your body. The little energy you had left dissipated, and all you could do was sob. Grasping your throat, he tilted your head up, his fingers squeezing your air pipe. You started coughing, just barely, making out his expression. His face broke into an evil smile, reeking of nothing but dark intentions. Biting his bottom lip, he petted your head almost reverently, staring at you as if you were a prized possession.

Then, just as your eyes began to focus, the press on your throat made your vision blur once again, and your eyelids grew heavy. You could no more resist the deep pull inside you, trying to close your eyes. There was no point in fighting it. No, not when it would take you away from this man, from the pain. Because you knew, there was more to it.

"Welcome home, love," he whispered.

p.s: My apologies, but I'm having a great time writing this.

If you want to be on the tag list, please leave a comment.

Taglist: @julk4e - @lune010 - @beanibon

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hottpinkpenguin · 1 year

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The Way of Winter - Chapter 4

Joel Miller series Female reader insert A/n: takes place at the end of episode 6 (spoilers if you haven't seen!). I took a few liberties with the location. Taglist: @missdragon-1 @this--is--music @caravelofthesun @ishouldclean @mezmerwrites @babypeapoddd @ay0nha @tpwkstiles @one-sweet-gubler @coolninjavoid @ameliabs-world @superflymaterial @p-muffin @s1xthirty @flightlexsbird Word count: 2,243 | Tags: slow burn | Warnings: graphic descriptions of violence; cursing; animal death; gore

A nearby gunshot pulled Joel back from the edge of sleep. Reflexively, he launched upright on the narrow cot, feeling a few of his stitches pop as white hot pain blinded him momentarily. Clutching a hand to his side, Joel managed to roll off the edge of the cot to where Ellie was already scrambling out of her chair. He grabbed her by the collar of her sweatshirt, hauling her over to the wall beneath a grimy window that looked out over the sloping front yard of the cabin. He could feel adrenaline trickling through his body, slowly waking up his senses and dulling the pain in his side.

From the window, Joel could hear a handful of voices shouting to each other and the whinny of startled horses, punctuated by an outpouring of pistol fire. He peered cautiously over the windowsill, squinting to see through the smoke and grime-covered glass. A half dozen mounted riders were careening down the slope in front of the cabin, looking like little more than dark smudges silhouetted against the brilliant white of fresh snow. Joel ducked down as a bullet buried itself in the outside wall, narrowly missing the window. Joel could feel his hands beginning to shake, the urge to protect Ellie beginning to wipe away his other thoughts.

“We need to get out of here,” Joel growled, looking over at Ellie. Her dark eyes widened and flickered briefly down to Joel’s injury. Under his unbuttoned jacket, Joel could feel the warm trickle of fresh blood trailing down to his hip from where the stitches had ripped. Anticipating her protest, he shook his head and grit his teeth. “Doesn’t seem like our visitors care that I’m on bed rest.”

Before Ellie could reply, he set off towards the back wall of the cabin, trying to stay crouched as he forced himself to breathe through spasms of agony. His eyes roved over the inside of the cabin, searching for his gun belt.

“Joel, wait.”

Joel turned back to see Ellie peering out of the corner of the window, her eyes trained on something to the side of the cabin.

“C’mon Ellie,” he grunted, another stitch or two popping as he swiveled back to reach for her.

“It’s her.” Ellie’s eyes brightened momentarily before a spray of shattered glass and the buzz of a bullet sent her scurrying towards Joel. Joel grabbed Ellie, maneuvering his body between her and the chill of cold air that ripped through the cabin. He wrapped his arms around her slender frame and hunched over her, trying to cover every inch of her that could be exposed to the approaching shooters. With the glass gone, the sounds of the fight outside were louder. Joel could hear the riders calling back and forth to one another, their voices growing closer.

“Get your ass over there!”

“Boss, they shot Ricky!”

“God damn it Roger, leave the fucking cabin, the shooter is over in the barn.”

Another shot rang out, this one further away and with a deeper timbre than the higher pitched, popping of pistol fire from the approaching riders, followed by a wet, gargled scream and a soft thwunk of something heavy landing on snow.

“Jesus Christ, the fucker shot m-!”

Another gunshot, and the voice went silent.

Joel began to understand that the riders weren’t the only ones shooting: someone was firing back. He lifted his head towards the shot-out window, his eyes catching sight of a large, slope-roofed tobacco barn a few dozen paces away. The door to the barn was ajar a foot or so, the interior completely obscured by shadow.

“THEY’RE IN THE FUCKING BARN!”

Two riders - men in dark jackets with cowboy hats - kicked their horses into a gallop in the direction of the barn, one hand gripping their reins as they aimed their pistols towards the barn. The riders sent a flurry of bullets in the direction of the barn, small geysers of snow popping into the air a few feet in front of the darkened doorway.

“Joel, it’s y/n!” Ellie wriggled under his protective embrace, her words finally striking realization for Joel. He watched the backs of the riders as they made haste towards the barn, another three joining them from further up the slope. Two dark shapes lay still in the snow, the dead men’s riderless horses retreating back over the ridgeline towards safety.

For a moment, Joel was paralyzed by indecision. The loudest part of his mind screamed with the desire to get Ellie as far from the fight as possible, but beneath that was a smaller, nagging sense of obligation to y/n. He owed her a debt, and it looked like that tally was about to rise as she was clearly drawing the focus of their attackers away from the cabin.

“Joel, let me go!” Ellie’s patience was wearing thin, and she fought against him, reaching in the direction of the window where her pistol lay impotently on the floor from when she’d lept out of the chair.

Joel felt his mind click into a choice as he pushed Ellie back, forcing her against the armchair away from the window. “Keep out of sight,” he growled. He felt his skin stretch and tear a bit against the stitches as he let go of Ellie and reached for her gun. The metal was cold in his palm, chilled from the winter air spilling in from the busted window. Joel’s knee dug into broken glass as he knelt in front of the window, shutting one eye and resting the muzzle of the gun against the windowsill as he aimed it towards the back of one of the retreating riders.

He squeezed the trigger, the gun recoiling in his hands as he fought to hold it steady. The bullet whizzed by the head of one of the riders, causing him to duck but leaving him unarmed. Joel re-aimed, forcing himself to exhale slowly as he shot again. Another miss, the rider now weaving his horse in irregular zig-zags as confusion settled on the riders once again.

“Where the fuck is that coming from!”

Joel heard y/n’s rifle fire, a brief flash of light in the dim barn doorway confirming her location. The lead rider slumped forward in the saddle like a ragdoll as his horse reared up in surprise. The group floundered in surprise, as they found themselves pinned down between the barn and the cabin and taking fire from both sides. Joel used the momentary stillness of the riders as they swiveled their heads back and forth, calculating their next move, to fire again. This bullet found a mark, striking one of the horses in its back leg. The animal shrieked in pain and terror, its leg crumpling underneath it as horse and rider collapsed to the ground.

“Fuck, my leg, Christ almighty!”

Y/n fired again on the downed rider, his leg pinned under the horse’s weight as it rolled to one side, its back leg twitching futilely where it’d been shot. The man’s head snapped backwards, his hat falling off as a splash of blood and brains painted the snow behind him before he fell still.

That left four riders, clustered close together in the snow between the cabin and the barn, their movements jerky with panic and confusion. Joel watched as one reined his mount towards the ridgeline, kicking the animal ferociously with his stirrups as he decided to abandon the attack on the barn and beat a retreat.

“Damnit, Greg, get your ass back h-”

Y/n’s rifle went off again in the same moment as Joel’s pistol. One of the riders lurched in his saddle, gripping his shoulder and groaning. Joel couldn’t tell whose bullet found its mark, although it hardly mattered.

A nervous quiet fell over the remaining three riders - one of them now injured - as they exchanged a glance. An understanding settled over the men as they all urged their horses in the direction of their fleeing comrade, sinking low in their saddles as they gave up the attack.

“We’ll be back, you motherfuckers!”

The group sent off a few rogue bullets to cover their retreat as their horses struggled to match the pace their riders demanded up the snowy hill. Joel watched as the strangers grew smaller against the blinding snow before they disappeared from sight over the ridgeline.

Quiet descended over the cabin and the barn for a moment, the only sound was the occasional pained whinny of the horse he’d shot, still lying on its side in agony. Exhaustion crashed over Joel ferociously, his body unable to maintain its adrenaline-fueled high any longer. He slumped forward weakly against the wall, grinding his knee painfully into the glass splinters on the ground. His forehead came to rest against the wood sill. His breathing was ragged, his side slick with blood as his vision began to swim.

From the direction of the barn, Joel heard a single shot like a period at the end of a sentence. The piercing wail of the injured horse extinguished with the shot, followed by an explosion of barking as y/n’s dogs responded to her whistle. Behind him, Joel heard Ellie rustle. He saw her stand tentatively, peering out of the blown out window from behind the chair.

“Don’t watch, Ellie,” he urged, the wet sound of flesh ripping reaching his ears as the dogs tore into their meal.

Ellie ignored him, her curiosity winning out as she squinted into the cold air, the sun now climbing high towards noon. Her eyes widened momentarily before she turned away in disgust. Joel managed to chuckle darkly as he feebly turned to sit and face her, his back braced against the wall. He heard the dull thud thud thud of footsteps on the porch outside, the wooden plank floor vibrating slightly.

The front door flew open, y/n stepping in with her hunting rifle hanging in one hand. Joel looked up at her, noting the tight set of her jaw and the stoic calm in her demeanor. She gave Ellie a once over before her gaze settled on Joel. She crouched next to him, balancing her weight on the balls of her feet as she gently moved Joel’s hand away from his side. He obliged, wincing at the pain as a wave of vertigo washed over him. Y/n swallowed thickly as she looked at the wound before fixing him with a hard stare.

“You popped five stitches,” she announced as she stood. Joel nodded, unsure what the appropriate response was.

“Can you ride?” she pressed him. Joel peered up at her through slitted eyelids.

“Ride?” he asked, his voice sounding thin and watered down. Y/n nodded, not taking her eyes off him as she gestured to Ellie, who stood to her full height at y/n’s direction.

Joel exhaled shakily, trying to summon what little strength he had left. He pushed his back against the wall with his legs, forcing himself to rise from the floor. The effort was sapping, and he had to pause at the top. Y/n watched him with an unsettling intensity.

“You’ll ride with me again,” she announced as she stepped forward, sliding an arm around Joel’s back and bracing him against her shoulder. Joel accepted her help gratefully, leaning almost his full weight on her. He could feel her strength as she barely wavered, the muscles of her upper back flexing under him.

“Where are we going?” Ellie asked. Joel’s heart twisted at how young Ellie sounded when she was scared. The urge to protect her at any cost roared back to life in his chest like a hungry lion.

Y/n’s voice was as cold as the storm the night before when she spoke, the finality in her words quelling any argument and silencing any follow up questions that Ellie and Joel had.

“Those men will come back, and we need to be as far from here as we can get when they do.”

Without hesitation, y/n wheeled Joel’s limp weight around towards the open door, stopping briefly to grab a lever-action rifle, which she handed to Joel, and a long-muzzled gun with a sniper scope on it from beside the wall. Joel managed to slip the pistol he still had in his hand between the waistband of his jeans against the small of his back as he zipped up his jacket against the cold. Each movement drained him more, and with each he felt himself lean more and more on the woman who had now saved his life twice.

Not ten minutes later, Joel found himself on horseback with y/n again, although this time he was seated behind her, his arms wrapped around her strong frame. He was grateful for the warmth of her body against his torso, with only his jacket now to fight against the elements. Ellie was saddled on the brown mare that Tommy had given them in Jackson, riding next to them and shooting worried glances over at Joel. Y/n’s dogs - their muzzles still stained from their latest meal - kept pace with the trotting horses as the group fled off across the snow-swept plain. Joel had the strange feeling that they were only temporarily staving off an inevitable reckoning for their run-in with the armed strangers, but for the moment, the further they moved away from y/n’s home, the better Joel felt…

**read chapter 5 here more chapters coming soon! let me know if you'd like to be tagged if you like this series, check out my Last of Us masterlist for other works

#joel miller #joel miller last of us #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #pedro pascal #pedro pascal joel miller #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal imagine #way of winter series

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your-local-ruebit-hole-detective · 1 year

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I posted 3,341 times in 2022

That's 3,341 more posts than 2021!

330 posts created (10%)

3,011 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@purple-autism-turtle

@panromantic-frog1

@stormvanari

@drbtinglecannon

@owlnightreblogs

I tagged 771 of my posts in 2022

#toh - 86 posts

#toh spoilers - 85 posts

#the owl house - 84 posts

#eberwolf - 39 posts

#eberwolf the huntsman - 32 posts

#darius deamonne - 27 posts

#darius - 27 posts

#eberwolf toh - 26 posts

#darius toh - 22 posts

#raine whispers - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#but the whole “they’re soulmates so it’s okay their relationship didn’t get any development and just jumped immediately to kissing!!!”

My Top Posts in 2022:

My headcanons on the coven heads (pt. 2)

(also there’s probably going to be a lot of Eberwolf and Darius hcs because I’m currently obsessed, sorry if that bothers you)

-Hettie tried to dissect Eberwolf once. Ever since then, Eber has been terrified of healers in general.

-Eberwolf is on record for arson and petty thievery, but if he hears even a rumor that you’re abusing animals, he’s not above adding murder to that list.

-None of the coven heads know about the basilisks in the basement, though a few of them are getting suspicious of where all this sudden information on the anatomy of basilisks is coming from.

-There’s a sort of three way understanding between Vitmir, Hettie and Terra that their jobs will intersect much more than is ideal, so they generally get along.

-Eberwolf usually gets up around 5 AM, purely to spite everyone around him. He’s like a cat, he burns off energy by running around and waking everyone up.

-Vitmir puts coffee in his cereal, as though it was milk. Monstrous, I know.

-Mason and Raine are the only coven heads who actually got their positions by moving up the ranks. Everyone else either got it because they murdered the previous head, they had connections, or they went through “The Gauntlet” (I know that’s a terrible name but I couldn’t think of anything else.)

-”The Gauntlet” is a highly dangerous way of becoming coven head. If a coven head position is vacant and Belos can’t find a replacement, the three top students on the boiling isles (one from each school) are required to fight each other to the death upon graduation. Winner gets the position. Yes, I have put way too much thought into this little fictional universe.

-The coven heads have an old storage room in the castle basement that they use to hide from Terra. Everyone who knows is sworn to secrecy.

-Eberwolf went to St. Epiderm. He got expelled for allegedly burning the gym down three days before graduation.

(Oh @exoxopresso I believe you wanted these) (sorry I know they aren’t as good as the last ones)

126 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

Stimming is no longer enough, I must explode into a pile of glitter.

168 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

I need some fucking garlic bread. The cheesy kind.

192 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Darius “I live with three other people and the most responsible one is the bird” Deamonne

406 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My headcanons on the coven heads

-It’s a constant competition. Everyone is one-upping everyone else, and it definitely got to the point where someone had to be talked off a roof at one point.

-The head witches refer (at work at least) to Raine as “Whispers” or “The new one”. No exceptions.

-Vitmir (potions coven) is slowly dying of poison because he never opened a goddamn window while brewing for fear of “Corrupting the potion” and breathed in to many vapors. He wears the mask so the other coven heads don’t get poisoned. It’s a bit of an open secret among the coven heads

-Terra is sweet on Osran (oracle coven). The two used to date.

-Osran has a restraining order on Terra.

-After the incident between Terra and Osran, it is strictly forbidden for coven heads to date each other.

-Eberwolf often has to be forced to put shoes on. The person who forces him is usually Darius.

-Even though Darius technically ranks higher than Terra, everyone is more afraid of Terra.

-The last head bard was murdered. Him “retiring” was cover up. Who stabbed him is still up for debate, but the rumor is that Mason (construction coven) did it.

-Eberwolf steals everyone’s lunch. No one has any idea it’s him, and several physical fights have broken out because of it.

-Adrian is addicted to caffeine, and everyone knows it.

-There’s a massive pay imbalance among the coven heads, but because of the “no sharing salaries” rule, no one knows it.

-because of the pay imbalance, you’ll find some of the coven heads have second, everyday jobs, like Raine, who teaches violin on the weekends, Mason, who has his own family business (general store), and Eberwolf, who has a job as a stablehand.

-Hettie (healing coven) is the last person the other head witches would go to for their injuries. Mostly because she has personal grudges against a lot of them.

-Adrian is constantly passive-aggressive towards Raine, because he feels like Raine is constantly trying to make a fool of him and he’s insecure.

-Vitmir is very suspicious of Darius and Eberwolf’s friendship, as all of the other coven heads are constantly at each other’s throats.

-Eberwolf actually is a direwolf, as in the boiling isles direwolves are a type of biped demons. (Credit to @enfireno for correcting me on the difference between demons and witches on this one)

-Darius and Eberwolf live together, mostly because Eberwolf can’t open jars.

-Raine has accidentally pissed off half the other head witches by now.

-Eberwolf has ADHD but because no one has any understanding of mental disorders on the BI beyond “that persons off their rocker” he can’t get anyone to understand that he simply CANT pay attention, that he WANTS to do what he’s told, but he CANT.

788 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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gwtoomanyalts · 1 year

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I posted 464 times in 2022

65 posts created (14%)

399 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-tired-commander

@legendaryskyscale

@commanderfloppy

@commanders-sole-braincell

@bonethot

I tagged 440 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#gw2 - 69 posts

#guild wars 2 - 62 posts

#eod spoilers - 29 posts

#so cool! - 25 posts

#oh wow - 23 posts

#so cute! - 19 posts

#sylvari - 15 posts

#so cool - 14 posts

#lol - 11 posts

#yep - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#same type of people who manage to ignore that star trek has always been progressive and it's not just the new stuff

My Top Posts in 2022:

My new headcannon for the Norn is that they are shapeshifters. I know, I know, no duh they can turn into bears. But not just that, that they adapt as a whole like super quickly, like 1-2 generations quickly. Boom, the reason norn even look human is because once upon a time they lived more closely with humans in the past maybe? They are tall as all balls because they then lived with the kodan and charr nearest them? Canthan faces? Boom some norn made it to Cantha as they went south and adapted. A few of my norn are minimum height, who is to say it’s not because they’ve been around humans for so long again and that’s slowly dropping their height? I seem to remember them being taller in GW1 too come to think of it.

Idk, just a random thought I had at midnight.

18 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

See the full post

22 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

New hair for Morgga! The young college professor rocking that Canthan style hairdo!

24 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

I’ve never really had a cosplay character, and what with all the cosplay contests going on this time of the year decided lucky number 38 would get to be one! I give you Tiffany Miyamura!

Her name’s a mashup of the names of her VA’s in the anime, English and Japanese, and the character is Asuka Langley Soryu from Evangelion! Of course that meant I had to get a shot of her on the made up to look like an Eva skyscale lol.

28 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

And number 42, my new sylvari mesmer, Bahee Bahee, the sylvari who liked her name so much she named herself twice lol.

33 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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whalechief · 11 months

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I wanna try the Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag for 2023 :3c

Will post below cut with what I've read thus far this year~ (minor spoilers ahead for *checks notes* Atlas Paradox and How to Sell a Haunted House (but not rly that last one)

Best Book You've Read So Far: OK, I went back and forth because there were some good reads (🥁) this year. I will say both Ninth House and Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo (both from the Alex Stern series) | I think this is the best introduction into dark academia, truly. It's rarely in a lull, but never too much going on at once. All characters seem to be important in their own way, if not now then later, and I just...I love the characters aaaah!!

Best Sequel You've Read So Far: The Atlas Paradox by Olivie Blake | Obviously spoilery, but as a Callum fan, I wanna say that the fallout of what happened in book one was very interesting to see in a character with his personality. The first instance we see of him is who he 'takes on' in the mind test, expecting one of the others but finds himself. I just...man, I focused so heavily on Callum and Tristan that I forgot a large chunk of the rest, but I know it was all good...I just hyper-focused for a moment, OK?

New Releases You Haven't Read Yet, But Want To: Yuwu by Meat Bun | I have the copy, I had it pre-ordered, but...well, another book you will see down in the post put me into a slump, and now I am slowly working my way back to physical copies (I've been audiobooking the last month or so), but I've seen fan art and I'm feral already for that good shit

Most Anticipated Release for the Second Half of the Year: I'm blanking completely, a lot of things are coming out around right now that I want to read and it's been hectic, BUT for sure Yellow face by RF Kuang

Biggest Disappointment: How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix | You ever read something so shit that you go from rinsing through books, reading non stop, to....like a full on reader's slump for weeks? Yeah, it took me 3 weeks to pick up another book entirely, I hated hated that book...ugh. I finished it, but at what cost? My time, given to a cast of characters that are all entirely shit. That is why I'm only at 27 books into 2023...

Biggest Surprise: Paris The Memoire by Paris Hilton | OK, I knew a bit about Paris Hilton's dj and had sort of heard something about her time in the reform places, but...wow. She really is out here exposing your ass, Provo Canyon School, get fucked. I think if you're wanting to know what kinds of places Dr Phil sent kids is like from the inside perspective, Paris went through it again and again and also fuck men and the male gaze. Anyway, love Paris, want the best for her, xoxo

Favorite New Author: Ali Hazelwood, probably. I have only read Love Hypothesis so far, but I am eager to jump into her other works. I am also interested in reading more of Holly Black's work, as I've only read The Cruel Prince and am curious if she holds up!

New Favorite Character: Hm...Darlington from Leigh Bardugo's Alex Stern Series | At first, he seemed pretty cut and dry, cookie cutter Yale boy. Yeah, well we were WRONG OK? He's beautiful, amazing, deep, deserves to be pegged, OK I said it.

Book that Made you Cry: I am not a crier, so I did not cry. However, I will say that I was left emotionally cold after finishing No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai | The character is technically fictional, but to find out at the end that this is...just technically a fictional character, and we don't know what happened where we left off but have a good idea is....Yeah, had to pause it during seasonal depression because it was too heavy for my mental state at the time.

Favourite Page-to-Screen Adaptation: I've seen the trailers, so it counts. Jujutsu Kaisen season 2 | I read this after the anime first aired, and I will never not be excited to see Toji on screen. I will not spoil anything, I will just sit back and be Big Excite.

Book You Want to Read Before the End of the Year: Once Upon a Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber and The Sun and the Star by Rick Riordan...and also A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab I know, it's been out for forever and I own a copy, I just keep starting it and...idk what happens, but I forget to read it...

Anyway, this was fun ✌️ will be posting every reading update on Goodreads, as per usual. Add me on there, my name's also WhaleChief on there.

Full list of books read in 2023 (bottom is first, top left is most recent):

#mid year book tag #mid year book freak out tag #book tag #mid year freak out tag 2023 edition #wtf is the tag idfk im head empty rn

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ashtheshortstack · 2 years

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beautiful disaster - ch 5

Rating: M

Ship: Kyoru

Chapter 5/5: “That love is invincible.”

Tags: Fluff, Smut, Learning intimacy, Virgin Dorks, Post-Curse, Manga/Anime Spoilers

ao3

Intimate touch was so new to both of them. It’d taken Tohru some time to get used to the affection Kyo showed her. Of course, it was even more so for Kyo. He’d pushed away all physical kindness since her mother’s accident, feeling he didn’t deserve such tenderness from others. For Tohru, she’d never even had a boy look her way before. So the kisses, forehead touches, nose brushes… it was so different than any other love she’d experienced. But she couldn’t get enough of it. Enough of him.

Kyo always wanted his hands on her. Whether it was holding hands while walking, an arm around her shoulder while they chatted idly with other students in their class, hugging her from behind while she cooked (when Shigure and Yuki weren’t home, obviously.) He made her feel wanted. So, so wanted. A feeling Tohru thought she’d never have. Tohru had always seen herself as plain–many even making the comment that she was pretty plain looking. But Kyo… he made her feel beautiful–and dare she say–attractive? Sexy, maybe? No, that was silly. But even so, she loved him for that. For making her feel desired.

They’d been waiting to take that next step in their relationship… To fully begin the intimate part… to give into their desires. They were taking it slow. That’s what felt right.

But this time…

Tohru laid beneath him, seeing the way his face was flushed and lips swollen from their driven and passionate kisses. She panted, catching her breath and the way they were looking at one another was a tale-tell sign that this time was different. This wasn’t going to end with heavy petting or grinding or bailing out when one of them got scared.

She gulped, fingers fisting in his t-shirt as she watched the quick rise and fall of his chest. Kyo’s auburn gaze drank her in, clearly feeling the same pull she felt.

Shigure and Yuki wouldn’t be home, both staying with their own significant others for the evening. Shigure had teased them before he left to “not have too much fun” while alone for the day.

They may have to disappoint him…

The deep affection Kyo’s gaze bore into her made her dizzy, made her heart swell in her chest. She felt her eyes well up as she held his stare. He looked confused for a moment, brows pinching.

“Tohr–?”

Tugging on his shirt, she pulled him down to kiss him again. God, she loved him. She loved him. She loved him.

Kyo relaxed against her, chuckling against her lips before slanting his mouth and deepening the kiss. His palm cupped her face, thumb running along her cheekbone. Such a gentle touch that sent her skin ablaze and heart pounding.

Tohru gasped in his mouth when his fingertips brushed the hem of her dress in a silent question. He looked a little smug when he detached from her lips and pecked along her jaw to her ear.

“Can I…?”

Whimpering at his breath on her skin, Tohru nodded, lips pursed and eyes squeezing tight.

He smiled, teasing but gentle, before leaning back on his haunches to glide his hands along the skin of her thighs and slowly tug her dress upward. Sitting up, she helped him pull the material over her head. He dropped it to the floor next to her bed before turning his attention back to her.

Kyo’s hand went to her hair, gently pulling at the ribbon tied in her brunette tresses. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured as her hair slipped free.

There were the water works again. Ugh, she was so stupid for crying! Why did his words have such an affect on her like this!?

Smiling, he caught the evidence of her weeping with his hand. “What’re ya cryin’ for, dummy?”

Tohru sniffled and shook her head, quickly assisting him in ridding her face of tears.

“I only say it cause it’s true, ya know.”

She whimpered again. “B-But you’re beautiful too, Kyo.”

His eyes softened before he snorted. “You say the weirdest things…”

Tohru didn’t get a chance to retort because he was kissing her again. Soft and sweet this time. So full of adoration that she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach.

Gingerly, he guided her back down on the bed now free of tears and clad in her undergarments. Gentle fingers cascaded along her skin–touching her arm, her stomach, her hips… Touches that dizzied her with desire. Their lips danced tenderly as Tohru rooted her fingers into his auburn locks. Kyo let out a sound that could have only been akin to a purr. Maybe some of the cat spirit still resided in him a little bit… Not that Tohru minded.

Kyo pressed closer, her breasts–still clad in her bra–pushed against his chest. Despite him being clothed, she felt the heat emitting off his skin. His hands found purchase on her hips, thumbs running along her skin and sending tingles along her spine. Kisses grew more and more desperate. Tohru knew what she wanted… and she was pretty sure her love wanted the same thing.

Fisting her fingers into his shirt again, she tugged upward. Kyo leaned back, giving her a once over before pulling the clothing over his head and tossing it near her dress. Just as he was about to dive back into her lips, Tohru stopped him with a shy smile. Fingering his belt loops, she gazed up at him through her lashes. “These too,” she sighed.

If Kyo was stunned by her boldness, he didn’t show it. If anyone knew Tohru in and out, it was Kyo. He knew more about her than anyone. Knew the right things to say to her. Knew how to make her feel loved and cherished…

Once ridding himself of his pants, Kyo nestled himself between her thighs, her knees brushing his almost bare hips. Leaning over her, he gave her a tender kiss.

“I want you… Let me have you.”

Sighing, she smiled. “I’ve always been yours…”

He kissed her on the lips once more before traveling down her skin. He unhooked her bra on the way down and hooked his fingers in the waistband of her panties to tug them down her legs off her feet. The peck he pressed to the inside her thigh made her squeak as he snickered against her skin.

Tohru felt her cheeks flush as she gazed down at the love of her life with his face merely centimeters from her slick folds. Another kiss then another, closer and closer to her core. He glanced up at her, as if trying to read her before diving in between her legs. The sensation shocked her so much that she gasped and flopped back onto her mattress. Kyo kissed her folds before flicking his tongue along her swollen bud that he’d recently become familiar with. Crying out, she clutched his hair for stability. He just chuckled against her before moving downward and dipping his tongue into her entrance a few times.

She was a whimpering and writhing mess when he coaxed an orgasm out of her. Her legs trembled, body spasming as she came. Panting, Tohru’s eyes blinked open to see Kyo hovering over her. His smile was sweet as if he loved the sight of her like this.

Leaning down, Kyo peppered more kisses along her neck. His face was damp from his previous ministrations. He must’ve realized it as he grabbed his shirt from the floor to wipe his mouth free of her essence.

Tohru swallowed, sitting up and eyeing the bulge in his underwear. “Sh-Should I…?”

Laughing, Kyo shook his head. “Nah, maybe some other time. I…I want to be with you,” his cheeks flushed as he paused. “I-Inside of you.”

She nodded, biting her lip as she watched her lover discard himself of his underwear. Kyo leaned over to his pants and grabbed a condom that had apparently been in his pocket.

…How long had he been carrying those around just in case!?

Kyo was between her legs again, his length pressed gently against her folds. Sighing, he gazed at her while he caught his breath. “If it hurts, tell me to stop, got it?”

Tohru gave a nod as she felt the bubble of anticipation creeping inside of her. Not just anticipation… Excitement. Want. Love… So much.

Nodding in return, Kyo held her hips steady as he aligned himself with her entrance. Slowly, he filled her inch by inch making Tohru hiss slightly. He paused, looking at her in concern.

“You alright?”

“I’m okay. I promise,” she breathed.

Shoulders relaxing, he continued slipping inside her until he was fully sheathed within her. It was different than she had expected. There was a small sting of pain from the new sensation of being stretched more than she had before. But he was so warm… Tohru tucked her arms under his shoulders, gripping his skin tightly.

“ Please, Kyo.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement after that.

Timidly, he began to move his hips. The thrusts were shallow, barely moving in or out of her. Even though he went slow, she was so overstimulated from the previous orgasm that he'd given her that every stroke elicited a spark inside of her. When she felt a moan bubble past her lips, Kyo had apparently taken that as a sign to move forward.

Gripping her thighs, he lifted her slightly, hitting inside of her at an entirely different angle. Tohru cried out, making him begin to rut faster and faster within her. For someone who was just as inexperienced as she was, Kyo didn’t show it. Maybe he had some sort of instincts that lingered from the curse. He sent her higher and higher until Tohru felt herself tumbling closer and closer to the edge.

Despite the mental haze she was in, she still wanted to sing him praises. “I love you,” she sighed.

Apparently, that was all he needed to join her on that ledge. One more gruttaled moan from him and he was spilling into the condom inside of her. Panting, Kyo’s head fell on her shoulder. He swallowed, wordlessly reaching between them to brush his thumb along her clit a few times to bring her to her second orgasm of that evening. Something that he didn’t have to do… but thinking about her pleasure before his own was an action that was so Kyo that it made her heart ache even more for him.

Completely spent, he discarded the condom into her garbage bin and flopped down beside her. Kyo gazed at her, catching his breath as he brushed her sweaty bangs from her face. “I love you, too…” he murmured.

Tohru reached for his hand, interlocking their fingers. “That love is invincible…”

Pulling her close, he pressed her face into his chest, burying his nose into her hair. “Always. As long as you’re with me…”

#kyoru #kyo x tohru #kyoru fanfic #kyoru fic #kyoru smut #fruits basket #fruits basket fic #fruits basket trash #kitty rice ball #ash writes #beautiful disaster #the last chapter!!

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physicalturian · 3 years

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[18+] The thrill of the chase - Nanami Kento X Reader

[She/Her pronouns used for the reader; No physical description. Everyone is 18+] [No spoilers from the anime nor the manga]

Words : 8951

Archive of our own

Inspired by this art on Twitter and this one on TikTok

Tags : Fluff / Smut / Roleplay / Hair-Pulling / Soft degradation / Prey/Predator / Chase / Powerplay / Power dynamics / Punching / Impact play / Marking / Unprotected Sex / Spit kink / Choking / Play fighting / Cockwarming / Overstimulation / Begging / Submission / Blood kink / Edgeplay

Summary: Nanami comes home all bloody after taking care of some curses. You confess finding it hot to see him in such state and things take a twisted turn...

-“If you’re so feisty, show me some of that energy little mouse. I don’t think you realize you’re trapped yet,”

Taking a bath was supposed to be relaxing. And most of the time it was but knowing that Nanami was late and still not home made it harder to unwind.

While I was submerged by burning water, music playing in the background, I kept my arms out of the bath to avoid withering like a prune. My eyes were closed as I tried to think of anything but the possibility of my partner being wounded, I trusted him, he knew what he was doing… But I also regretted his change of career. He was a lot safer in the confine of corporate bureaus. But who was I to say anything? He seemed a lot happier being a sorcerer than doing stock market.

I drummed my fingers nervously on the side of the bath, humming to drown my thoughts, taking in the nice fragrance of the bath bomb I had threw in the water. I could still hear the fizzy sound it made as it dissolved, amidst the popping sounds of the bubbles on the surface of the water. Taking a handful of bubbles, I huffed to myself, “I’ll clock out before 6pm, he says” I grumbled, letting them fall back in the water “I don’t do overtime, he says” I said, imitating his gruffy tone. He could at least text if he were on his way home, I thought as I leaned back, eyes closed.

“There was a small set back, I am here now.” I was startled by the voice by the door, I quickly leaned against the tub to cover myself and sighed when I saw it was Nanami. “You scared me-“ I stopped mid-sentence and looked at him in a mix of shock seeing how bloody he was but also slightly pleased by the sight. I did not want to tell him that seeing him all bloody like that had an effect on me, and it was not justworry. I hid a smile behind my palm.

I gulped when I saw him unwrap his tie from around his fist, it was covered in blood like his suit. He had a habit of doing that when he fought, I never really knew why since he would still end up with bruised knuckles. While his face was speckless, his hair wasn’t, and his suit was ruined. I was about to get up and check on him when he stepped closer and told me to stay in the bath. “I need to make sure you’re okay, Kento,” Huffing, he gave me a half-smile and let his jacket fall to the ground as he gazed down at me.

No matter how long I had known him, I would never get enough of the sight of him in his white dress shirt with his harness. It had a charm I couldn’t quite describe, perhaps it was the way it defined his muscles even more or the contrast of the black on the white. It looked exquisite on him. Sitting on the edge of the bath, he grabbed his weapon from the harness behind his back and put in on the ground before looking at me. “I’m ok,” he reassured me as he placed one of his hand on my thigh.

It was a huge contrast of temperature with his freezing hand and my burning skin, but the worse was the intense look he was giving me as his hand slid further in. Deeper in the water, higher on my thigh. I brought my knees together to stop his hand from going any further and whispered his name in a warning tone. His reply was to tighten his grip, he had rolled up his sleeves and looked even better than moments ago. “Tell me to stop,” He breathed. I don’t want to, I thought. Instead, I played it off.

“You keep ruining your suits, we should buy black ones, it’ll be easier to remove the stain,”

I heard him hum as he moved his hands to his harness, letting go of me. I was disappointed but did not say anything, we could take a bath, relax and just enjoy one another’s company. “Perhaps should I change my entire outfit?” “No, no, the shirt and the harness stay,” I reacted too quickly, only realizing after that he had a small smirk on his face, that he was baiting me.

“Is that so?”

Chuckling, I sunk deeper in the water, “I mean, the harness holds the weird bat you got, right? So…” I trailed off. Nanami replied, deep in thought, “A polo shirt would be very comfortable-“ “Ken! Polos are ugly, you’re already on thin ice with the blue shirt and leopard printed tie,” I heard his laugh, then the muffled sound of something hitting the rug on the floor. I glanced his way and saw he was very slowly unbuttoning his shirt, his harness was on the ground. The slowness was not to make me yearn for him, no, he was in pain.

I quickly got out of the bathtub almost tripping as I did so, I ignored the cold hitting my skin and moved his hands from the buttons, “I can do it, dear,” He whispered. “Just because you cando it, doesn’t mean I can’t help you.” I replied, moving his hands once again when he tried to do it himself, instead I settled them on my hips and heard a low satisfied groan from his throat. I took a deep breath to stay composed, but I couldn’t help but feel something lighting up in me.

When I had finished unbuttoning his shirt, I shrugged it off his shoulders and took in the sight. It was once again with mixed feelings that I enjoyed it. He was gorgeously sculpted, but also covered in bruises. “You grow reckless when you do overtime, you shouldn’t rush things Ken…” I mumbled, checking if there was anything more than bruises. “The bruises will be gone in a few days,” He brought me closer against him as he said so, I wrapped my hands around his neck and saw the red that tainted my hand when I caressed the back of his head.

Pushing him away, I huffed and was about and went to grab my bathrobe, “You should get cleaned, take a bath and relax,“ “Then get back in the bath, I’ll join you,” He told me while unbuckling his belt. I paused in my steps and turned around to look at him with an inquisitive look, “Ken, I don’t think it’d be practical if we are going to do that…” When he finished undressing he stared at me with a certain hunger in his eyes. My eyes traveled from his eyes to his lips before looking at his blood-covered hair and knuckles.

Nanami held my hands in his, effectively bringing my attention back to him. A smirk was painted on his lips. “That being? A bath, with my lover, hm?” I rolled my eyes and nodded, slightly disappointed but lead us to the bath. Before I could step inside, Nanami said he’d get in first, that I should sit between his legs. “It should be the other way around, I’m not missing the chance of washing your hair, okay?” He chuckled lowly in response and told me to ‘get in then’. When I did, he stood in front of the bath a moment. I believe he was taking in the sight, and the longer he stood there, the more self-conscious I was becoming.

I made a beckoning motion with my arm and told him to join me. “Careful it’s hot,” I said hurriedly, with his hands on either side of the bath, he lowered himself into the water, I heard him hiss a bit. It could have been because of the burning water, or maybe the pain, whichever it was he did not complain. He gave me a sight I enjoyed greatly, but I held back from squeezing his ass and let him make himself comfortable. With his back now against my chest, I asked him to lean forward, which he did without a word. Like that, I let my hand roam on his back a moment. I noticed the marks around his back, it traveled to his front, I could see it on the side of his chest.

I let my fingers travel the redness, thinking of how it could have happened then it struck me, “Ken, your harness is too tight around your chest,” I whispered, as I wrapped my arms around his torso and kissed different spots on his back. I heard him sigh in content, the tension in his body visibly going away as he relaxed his form and let his hands fall in the water to hold onto my thighs. “It’s the point, that way it doesn’t move. The marks never stay long,” He stated. He had started rubbing my legs slowly. At first it was his hands wrapped around my legs, then he only trailed a few fingers along my skin.

I jerked my leg away to stop him, laughing when I told him to not do that. There was some playfulness in my voice, he knew I was not mad. “I’m not missing the chance of having you fully naked, so, unless you tell me to stop…” With a bit of a struggle, he turned around in the bath. He was still between my legs, but this time he brought me closer to him by pulling my ankles and wrapping them behind his back. My breath hitched when I felt him against me, more than just the skin. Keep it cool, there is no way I’m fucking in a bathtub, I thought.

Ignoring the closeness, I leaned back to grab the shampoo and bumped it against Nanami’s chest. “If you still have some energy to be like that, then wash your hair first,” I huffed. There was a funny feeling in my stomach when he smiled at me and bent over enough for me to see the top of his head, “Do it,”

“It would have been more practical if you hadn’t turned around,” I grumbled as I poured water over his hair before spurting some shampoo in my hand and started lathering his hair, “Don’t complain if the shampoo gets in your eyes- nor if your neck hurts because it’s entirely your fault,” I huffed, earning a low chuckle from the blond man. I rolled my eyes and suddenly gripped his hair tight when I felt his hands wander on my lower stomach before adventuring higher and brushing his thumbs over my nipples. “Ken! Don’t start,”

“Oh angel, you started this long before I did,” He said smugly. I couldn’t see his face, but I quickly rinsed off the shampoo and combed his hair back with my hands before lifting his face. “That’s entirely false, you did,” I said, falsely offended. Reaching behind me once more, I grabbed the washcloth and dipped it in the water, only to have big hands take it from mine and lead them to his higher thighs. My breath hitched once more as I looked up at him with a warning look, but I did not say anything.

A smirk was displayed on his lips as he guided my hand to his cock, then let go when I wrapped my hand around it but did not move. “I never realized until now,” he started, tucking a strand of hair that stuck to my skin behind my ear. “That seeing me in such a pitiful state turned you on,”

My eyes widened and I heard him chuckle breathlessly as he told me to go easy with the grip on his cock, I let go not having realized I had tightened my hand. “I never said that; Did I?” And here I thought I had been subtle, but it wasn’t that at all. He had feigned ignorance since he had saw me look at him too intensely. “I’d say the needy look in your eyes, and excuses to touch me, speak for themselves. Wouldn’t you agree?” I did not reply.

Instead, I shrugged and grabbed the washcloth once more, then poured some body wash on it before handing it to my partner. He pushed it back towards me, and leaned back in the bath, arms resting on either side of the bath, “I’m too sore to do it myself, would you mind?” He was good at keeping his emotions in check, he wasn’t smiling smugly, or anything as such. No, he kept his face neutral, but I knew he was being a little shit in his own way.

I smirked, “Of course,” he smiled back gently, but we both knew it wasn’t a real smile, no. He would be looking at each of my movements, ready to have me at any moment. He ran his hand through his hair and rested it back on the rim of the bath.

Scooting closer, I moved to sit on his lap, making him stretch his legs in the length with the space I had freed. “Tell me if it hurts,” I said before gripping his chin roughly, making him look at me as I cleaned his face. I felt him clench his jaw and had to hold back a smile. I avoided his gaze the entire time, focusing on cleaning before throwing him a side glance followed by a mischievous smile. “Careful,” He just said, not moving, simply letting his gaze follow me. I quirked a brow in reply, humming in a questioning manner before continuing cleaning up.

I started by his shoulders and sliding to his neck where I let my fingers wrap around his throat a bit longer than it was necessary. I felt his hand caress my back before settling on my lower back, “I said, careful,” Nanami said as he let his head fall back on the back of the tub, his eyelids almost closed as he looked at me from that angle. “Am I hurting you?” I asked innocently. I moved to clean his chest, knowing full well the moment I’d dip my hand inside the water, I’d have an advantage.

“You’re awfully daring tonight, does the sight of me drenched in blood turn you on that much, my love?”

“If anything, it annoyed me to see your suit ruined, Ken,” I huffed. When I went to wash him lower, Nanami took hold of my wrist and stopped me. I looked up at him confused and was met with a look at told me he was clearly not having it. Dropping the washcloth on his chest I sighed, “Alright, maybe, yes. Can you blame me?” I admitted. It made him chuckle as he brought me closer to him, his hands on my ass as he pressed me right against him. “Tell me more about it,” He whispered as he kissed my neck gently, leaving a trail down my collarbone before going up again.

I let out a breathless laugh at the feeling of his breath brushing over my skin along the lightness of his kisses. Both my hands were now resting on his shoulders as I leaned the side of my head against his, “I never get to see you fight,” I started, my fingers sliding over his collarbone to caress the base of his neck. “It’s for the better. If you did, that’d mean you’d be in danger,” He explained.

I sucked in my teeth, “That’s not what I meant, you’re right but I meant like…” I could feel my cheeks heat up as time went by, no matter how I worded it in my head, it was bound to sound strange the moment it’d leave my mouth.

“You’re strong, it’s hot, you’re good at being a sorcerer… And I know you enjoy the fighting, so I can’t help but think of the faces you’re making when you’re enjoying a good fight. A fight that’d leave you breathless, sore, aching all over,” I looked down at him and cradled his face in my hands as I tried to roll my hips only to be kept on the spot by Nanami’s hands. “The adrenaline pumping in your veins, your heart beating faster and faster as it tries to keep up with your ecstatic state. The rush of seeing them taken down, of knowing you were stronger than them,”

I ghosted my lips barely above his and held back a smile when he parted his lips, “Maybe you didn’t break a sweat, maybe you did, but in the end, it left you drenched in blood that isn’t yours, you’re the one left standing. You’re good at this and you could keep going until exhaustion takes over, I know it” I kissed him tenderly, smirking when I felt him trying to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back and grinned wider. “But you never do, you never let it take over, because you have to come home to me,”

“I’m starting to think there’s an underlying meaning to this speech,” Nanami hummed as he started rubbing my back gently, pouring more water over my freezing skin. A smile grew on my face as I let a hand wander down his torso very slowly, letting my fingers brush over his happy trail. “I’m just saying… that maybe you still have some energy left for some fun,” I grabbed his cock underwater and suddenly found myself with my ass on the bottom of the bath as Nanami got up and wrapped a towel around his waist. “Get out,” he said while handing out his hand for me to grab.

As he helped me out of the bath, he handed me a towel. I knew there was a huge grin on my face when I wrapped the towel around my form and pulled Nanami closer by his towel. He slapped my hand away, I could only chuckle in response. “Bed, now,” he stated. It sent electricity coursing through my body. I stood in front of him a bit longer, trying to gauge the mindset he was in. I wanted him on edge, I wanted him to go all in, “Don’t you worry, I got the message,” he started, sauntering closer. He lifted my chin roughly, just as I did earlier.

“You’re enjoying this a lot, when I’ve barely done anything,” He let his hand fall to his side and tugged off my towel, leaving me stark naked in front of him. “Stay like this, get on the bed, kneeling,”

The smile on my lips was portraying the same emotion as my laugh, nervous. “I don’t think you got the message,” I whispered, earning a loud sigh from my partner. “Looks like I need to get you there myself,” I did not have time to complain that I was lifted off the ground before being thrown onto the bed.

By the time I sat up, Nanami had his back turned on me and was in front of the wardrobe, already halfway dressed. “Ken, I’m confused,” I was about to get out of bed when I heard him tell me to stay there.

As he was buttoning up his shirt, he looked at me with a smile. “Tell me, my dove,” I perked up at the sweet name and moved to the center of the bed, kneeling. “Does it turn you on because you know I had to go full force?” He asked as he moved to the drawers and pulled out a leather harness that he shrugged on, buckling it on the front before looking at me with the same small smile.

“Or maybe is that whole speech more of a way to hide that your dirty little secret…” He finished by slipping on a pair of black leather gloves. He had not put on his tie, but he was now fully dressed, while I was completely nude. “Is that you want to feel the thrill of being chased…” He walked around the bed slowly, leaning over slightly to grab the paddle that was resting next to it, against the wall. He was now on my right, I did not want to look too needy, but I was starting to feel excited, yet I didn’t move when he went to grip my jaw and made me look at him.

“…Of being preyed on.”

I hated myself for the sound that escaped my throat, it made Nanami’s smile widen. “Is that it? You want to be dominated in the most carnal way, to be rendered defenseless,” I did not reply.

“Tell me your safe word, now” And I did, making him smile proudly. “So, you can speak,” he breathed in fake surprise, a few seconds after, Nanami was pulling my legs towards him and had me on my back as he kept my legs spread by settling himself between them. “I almost thought I had already scared you from so little, it would have been disappointing since you’re not yet as vulnerable as I’d like you to be,”

With both of his hands on my knees, he spread my legs wider and looked between my legs with hunger before letting his eyes trail back to my eyes. “And not nearly as afraid, from the look on your eyes you’re still too confident. I’ll wipe that smile off your face,” My breath hitched, I regretted the excited smile on my lips when it made Nanami frown as he gripped my knees tighter before dragging me off the bed.

His hold on the paddle handle changed as he rested it on his shoulder. He looked down at me with a half-smile. “I like this better; the floor is less comfortable than the bed, isn’t it?” I nodded and leaned back when the blond leaned forward, dropping his arm holding the paddle so that the tip hit the ground. It startled me. “Good, I don’t want you comfortable, fear comes when you’re out of your comfort zone,” He looked me up and down, a few strands of wet hair falling over his face.

I could feel my heart beat faster, it only increased when he suddenly crouched in front of me, the paddle now being used as a place to rest his chin as he looked at me intently. “I think you need an incentive, so here,” He held out his hand for me to grab and helped me up my feet. I looked at him confused. I was slowly growing uneasy from his actions; they did not make one drop of sense.

Once I got to my feet, he pulled me towards him and wrapped a hand around my throat when he got closer to me before whispering right next to my ear, his teeth grazing my lobe. “You have two minutes to hide, if I find you…” His fingers dig into the side of my throat, elating a muffled sound from me. With the strength of his arm, he got me to my tiptoes by lifting me even a little bit, his hand still around my throat. I held onto his arm to try to stay balanced and get him to let me go, which he did, almost making me fall to the ground. But I caught myself.

Nanami sat down on the end of the bed, setting the paddle on his lap. He leaned back on his hands; I couldn’t help but ogle how good he looked like that. He made sure to wear exactly all the things I told him I liked once, and the paddle on his thighs was the best accessory I could hope for. “Don’t let me find you, little dove,” He emphasized his word by running his fingers over the handle. “Don’t get me mad either,” I heard him well, I understood what he meant, and it sent thrills running down my spine.

When he looked up, Nanami quirked a brow. He then looked at the watch on his wrist then back at me, “You have one minute and a half left, I suggest you get going little dove, unless…” His gloved hand tightened around the handle once more. Leather against leather made a sound all the more appealing to my ear, I went to take the towel left on the floor but thought against it when Nanami tutted me, “You stay like this, go,” He shooed me.

I scurried off.

I felt self-conscious, running around the apartment naked, trying to find a hiding place but I also felt overwhelmed. This was Nanami’s choice of furniture, his choice of decoration, and all of this was one thing: minimalist. Nothing was made to hide in or behind. Part of me wanted him to find me, just to see what he’d do, to see his powerful look as he looked down at me before dragging me from my hiding spot. But then, I wanted to see him get frustrated as he’d try to find me.

I needed to see him lose his composure, get frustrated. I had to think fast, to know what I really wanted out of him. The thud of my feet on the cold floor was all I could hear at first, though it did not drown the louder sound no one could hear, my heartbeat.

I quickly grabbed the blanket from the couch and opened the closet door. That’s when I heard a voice call from the bedroom when I entered the living-room and peeked under the sofa. “Thirty seconds left,” Fuck fuck fuck, I thought in panic as I crawled inside the closet. I made sure to close it silently behind me, before sitting in the deep corner and throwing the blanket over my form. Now this was not the type of hide-and-seek I did as a child, it was… better.

Now hidden, I let the remaining seconds pass, and soon enough I could hear the sound of Nanami’s steps around the apartment. “You better be hidden little dove, I do love a good chase,” He was walking slowly, scaringly so. Quiet enough that I really had to pay close attention if I wanted to hear anything. Along his footsteps was the repetitive sound of something hitting the palm of his hand. It wasn’t the paddle, if it had been, the sound would have been blunter. But it sounded more like a sharp, cutting sound.

I was buzzing with excitement, my blood pumping more and more with how eager I was. We had done a few rougher sessions before, but I wanted to see how it’d turn this one around, and I was more than willing to let his creativity run free. His steps seemed further away, so did his voice when he spoke loud enough so that I could hear him no matter where I was in the apartment. “I’ll applaud the effort you put in your hiding spot, and while I do love the chase,” I heard him groan as he slammed something shut, startling me in the process.

“I do grow tired of hide-and-seek pretty easily,” he continued like this for a few more minutes, his tone growing more and more impatient, more unnerved as he spoke. His steps were heavier on the ground, faster too, he was pacing, he was doing comes and go around the place and suddenly, it all stopped when he stepped inside the living room.

No more talking. No more taunting. Nothing.

It was eerie. For a moment I thought he was done, then I heard what I believe was the TV. Is he for real? I thought in astonishment. I peeked out from under the blanket that covered my form and silently crawled to the door, placing my ear against it. He had indeed turn it on. I sighed in disappointment and opened the door slowly to surprise him and gasped loudly when I was met with a smug smile. Nanami was crouching in front of the closet. I looked him over, noticing the paddle was resting in the holster where his weapon would usually be, and instead in his hand was a riding crop.

He was holding it in his delicate fingers, as his forearms rested crossed on his knees, “What better way to bait the mouse than to make it believe the threat is gone?” My stomach dropped, I could either back away inside the closet or try for a run. The latter seemed like a better option, one that avoided me ending up cornered. Smirking, I threw him the blanket and push him and went for it.

I don’t know what I was thinking. That wouldn’t stop him. I hadn’t even made him fall back, he simple sighed angrily. I had barely stepped out of the closet that I found myself gripping the back of the couch when Nanami grabbed my shin and made me lose my balance. “A stupid move,” he grunted. I tried to get back up, but he stood up and forced me to let go of the couch, effectively making me fall to the ground.

A groan escaped my lips when I met the floor with force. When I tried to sit up, I was pushed down once more by Nanami’s shoe. It wasn’t too strong, as long as I complied.

And I did.

“Tell me, what’s your color little dove?” He asked in a low tone. The tip of the riding crop was being grazed along my form as I tried to get him to move his foot away, my hands wrapped tight around his ankle. “Green- let me get up-“ “I’m not ‘letting you’ do anything,” He spat as he pressed a bit more on my torso before removing his foot and crouching next to me, a hand resting still on my chest to keep me down. “Fight for it.” He said it in a way that made it as the most obvious solution.

I stuttered, raising a brow in confusion. He smiled. It wasn’t heartwarming, it was reassuring, it was mocking. It made my blood boil. When I was about to reply, he gripped my jaws strongly making me clench my teeth in annoyance. “Maybe I should be clearer, after all you are a bit… slow tonight,” I frowned. “When I say don’t take the towel, it does not mean take the blanket,” he stated as his eyes wandered from my lips to my throat.

If I listened to him any longer, I’d start feeling bad for not obeying him, which was not correct in this situation. So, I clawed at his hand that was now tightening around my throat, “Let- go- of- me!” I gasped through heavy breaths; he wasn’t budging. “Do you need a hint?” He asked with a condescending smile, I did not reply. “Hit me.” My eyes widened, I let go of his hand and instead held his wrist. Not knowing if he was joking. After gauging a bit longer, I came to the conclusion that he was dead serious.

I was starting to feel dizzy, from lack of oxygen… and from arousal. It was strange, but I couldn’t ignore how great it felt, “Ken-“ “Fucking do it, fight for it- or beg, I’d be pleased by both outcomes,” he paused and moved to straddle my lap, his knees supporting most of his weight.

With hesitance, I raised my hand and pushed his face away. He only laughed in response, he did let go of my throat, both of his hands sliding to the nape of my neck. His fingers threaded through my hair as he lifted my head a bit from the ground to make me look at him, “A rougher incentive seems necessary, you’re still too comfortable,” He leaned in and ghosted his lips over mine, whispering to not forget my safe word as he pressed a short kiss on my lips before leaning back.

He took hold of the riding crop once more, not yet taking the paddled out and let it trail over my nipples very slowly. I arched my back for more, my eyes closed then yelped at the burning sensation on my skin when he struck me. I gave him a scowl, he grinned lazily. “If you’re so feisty, show me some of that energy little mouse. I don’t think you realize you’re trapped yet,” I did not have time to reply, he struck me again. I yelped in pain/pleasure.

“It feels like you’ve surrendered already my dove, was it that easy to get you to submit?” When he did not get a reply and rose his arm to strike me once more, I pulled him by the front of his shirt and tried to roll him over, only to be laughed at when held my wrists in one hand and pushed me back, hands over my head. “You’re not trying, you’re humoring me, it’s pitiful,” He said with a scoff.

The thought of hitting him was becoming stronger and stronger, I wanted to see what he’d do in response. But I couldn’t do this anymore, he had me pinned. He either read my mind or had something in his, but for some reason he let go and started unbuttoning his shirt.

I took this opportunity to use my knee to hit his back, before punching his jaw with all my force. A shaky breath escaped his lips, not one of fear, but of excitement.

That attempt had not changed anything of the situation I was in, if anything it only angered him more. With his face still half turned to the side, I could see the growing smile on his lips. He slowly turned around; His lower lip slightly redder than before. “You’re getting the hang of it, but you’re still bad at it. Here, try again,” He faced the other way, giving me his other cheek.

“Ken I’m sorry-“ He interrupted me by guiding my hand into a fist to his cheek, “Right here,” he hissed. “Make it worth it, it’s your last opportunity to get the upper hand, then it’s my turn,” I wasn’t going to do it until he took out the paddle and struck my thighs with force, smirking, “Next is your stomach, stop me,” Two thoughts clashed inside my head, the first was, let him do it, the second was, no way. I acted on instinct and punched his jaw with force before gripping the back of his hair and pulling it.

He winced, I took the chance to slide from under him and escape quickly. I barely missed the hand that reached out for my ankle, an exhilarated sigh left my lips. I made a run for it, but instead of cornering myself to the bedroom, I stopped on the other side of the couch. I would mirror Nanami’s opposite steps, making him more and more frustrated. I noticed the wiped blood on the back of his glove along the one that seemed to be tainting his teeth when he smiled in the most threatening and primal way.

Seeing him away from me, seeing how I was in a safe position, seeing that I was not losing just yet… it all pushed me to taunt him, “You can’t reach me, it’s funny isn’t-“ I stopped mid-sentence and felt my heart dropped when Nanami simply jumped over the couch and sauntered over me, his eyes darkened with arousal. He seemed more than thrilled by this whole thing, I knew it the moment he opened his mouth, I kept mine shut tight. “Hilarious. But I don’t see you laughing much, little dove…” He said slowly.

His hand rose oh so gently to cradle my face in his, “Submit,” his whispered. I shook my head. His hand slid to the back of my head once more, except this time he took a handful of my hair and started walking away, pulling me by my hair. It wasn’t too painful, as long as I kept up with his pace, which I did. He threw me on the couch and struck my back hard with the paddle. “The hard way it is,”

My partner crouched next to me, I did not move from laying on my stomach, before he could speak, I spat on him and grinned. He closed his eyes a moment, wiping the saliva off while getting up once more. “I was going to give you one last chance, but it seems your spirit isn’t broken yet. Sheer force seems to be the solution, don’t you think little dove?” He brushed my hair gently, then struck my back hard. I let out a moan and buried my face in the pillow to try to muffle it before speaking up.

“I have a high- pain tolerance sir- fuck,” I swore under my breath. I heard him laugh genuinely, breaking character for a second at my mistake. I was so used to our power dynamics that it rolled off in times of… pleasure. “Let’s see how high, remember,” I thought he was going to remind me of my safe word, instead he said, “The words are: I submit,”

I huffed. “Am I hearing them from you?” I asked playfully.

It earned me another strong hit, this time with the riding crop.

I felt Nanami’s gloved hand brush over my sore back, taking in the damage. The feeling of the leather on my skin felt so good against the burn I was feeling. “You’re getting off on this too much, let’s make it more fun,” He whispered as his hand slid between my legs, “Pain won’t get you begging, but pleasure will,” His fingers slid between my lower lips to finally meet my clit as he started stimulating it tentatively at first.

It wasn’t the right spot at first, so I turned around and grinned proudly, “I think you’re better off hitting me if you’re not going to hit the spot-“ I swore under my breath when he put just the right amount of pressure, making me feel a shiver all over my body. Nanami laughed mockingly but did not stop, he skillfully played with my clit. He lifted my ass up to get a better angle but gripped my hair forcefully to keep my head in the pillow and not lift myself up on my arms. “This spot, right?” He breathed, satisfaction dripping from his voice.

I only whined in response. When I tried to move my ass back to get more friction, Nanami placed a knee on the couch and stopped me from moving with his hip. He kept me in place, his fist gripping my hair even tighter. “You’re a fucking handful, should I let you cum to appease that silly little greed of yours?” He grunted against my ear, I could feel my eyes roll back as I was getting closer and closer. “Yes, please, yes, yes,”

He pulled his hand back, and slapped my ass hard, probably leaving a mark. He let go of my hair and let his hands trail back to my waist where they stayed as he bent over my back and spoke, “I thought we agreed I wouldn’t let you do anything,” I breathed shakily as I turned my head to look at him the best I could. “Frustration suits your face well, little mouse,” He said softly, his eyes darting to my lips. I caught a glimpse of the real him there, until he got closer to my face and licked from my neck to my cheek, “Let’s see how long it’ll take you to beg for release,”

When he said that, his fingers went back to my clit, nothing else. I did not get any friction; he did not even deign giving me any sort of pleasure from his cock. Through moans and gasps, I looked over my shoulder to catch of glimpse of him as he pressed once more onto my back while his other hand was between my legs. “At least fucking remove the gloves, Ken-“ My voice went a higher pitch when I talked, forcing me to hide my face in the pillows to muffle my moans.

“Tell me if I’m wrong,” I heard Nanami’s gruffy tone as the speed of his fingers increased on my clit. “But it looked like you thought you had any say in what I was doing,” His breath was getting heavier just as I felt my legs shake the closer I got. Nanami saw it and slid his fingers away. I groaned out his name in frustration before moving my hand between my legs, only to have it slapped away. “My, my, already taking matters in your own hands?”

I was startled when I felt the cold texture of the riding crop brushing from my shoulders to my back, to slowly slide between my legs. I gasp when he pressed it just slightly at my entrance before slithering to my clit and striking it, earning a high-pitched moan from me. “I wonder how much you can take before it’s too painful to even touch it, shall we see?” Hearing him so cocky ticked me off, and while I could feel the pulsing of my clit, desperate for more, desperate to get off, I felt a spike of fighting spirit before all.

When Nanami went to touch me once again, I tried to kick him, all while moving my arm to push his from my back. He did lose his balance but caught himself by gripping both of my legs as he pulled them so that my pelvis was finally touching the couch. I had barely time to realize what happened that my legs were in a deadlock between his as he straddled the back of my thighs. One of his hand wrapped around my throat, bringing my head back enough that my throat was perfectly exposed. He rose on his knees, still behind me, and lowered his face to mine in that same angle.

I was seeing him upside down, but I could also smell the blood I had drawn when I hit him. It was intoxicating, in the strangest way. My back hurt from being arched like that, mixed with the pressure on my neck… it felt delightful. “What a pretty sight, twisted like a useless fucking ragdoll,” I gasped at his name calling, not ready to admit it sent a jolt of pleasure through my body. Brushing a finger over my chin, Nanami kissed me roughly, smiling along the kiss as his tongue delved into my mouth but it was as passionate as it was quick. “Beg me to fuck you,” he growled against my lips. I only whimpered in response, forcing myself to keep my mouth shut.

He did not like it.

Nanami pressed against my ass, rolling his covered hips against me. He then brought a gloved hand to my lips and said, “Take it off,” talking about the glove. I opened my mouth and gently nipped the tip as he pulled his hand back. The glove was snatched out of my mouth and thrown on the low table before his fingers returned to my mouth and forced my mouth open. “I haven’t been playing fair, have I?” He asked rhetorically. I knew there was something behind this question. And yet, I shook my head, making him grin wide. “It’s only fair I return what you gave me,” I quirked a brow at his word then the pressure on my throat was gone.

His hands were unbuckling his belt, “You stay like this, I have you right where I want you,” When I heard him groan upon freeing his cock from his pants, his remaining gloved hand returned to my throat and tilted my head backwards once more, “You’ve been a fucking pain,” He grunted as his free fingers brushed against my hole, I bite my lip to hold back the smile I felt upon winning. “How are you feeling right now, little mouse?”

With a strained voice, raspy even, I said, “Green, and proud to see you succumb first,” I said with a wicked smile. Nanami mirrored it, but it did not hold the same pride. No, it was disturbing, it did not match his following actions when he stopped touching me. “Is that what you think is happening? Let me tell you one thing,” he paused, and I heard him groan as I felt his movements behind me, he was stroking his cock a few times. I suddenly felt it press against my entrance and let out throaty moans when he slowly slid it in.

“I love tests. Testing how long you can hold before begging to come,” He started as he sheathed himself inside, he wrapped his arm around my waist and started playing with my clit, elating loud moans from me, “It feels good, doesn’t it?” I nodded; My eyes closed as I focused on the pleasure. Another gasp left my lips when I felt him fully in. When I was about to move to get the friction, the hand around my throat tightened. “I’ll be testing how fucking desperate you are for my cock, you’re not allowed to move unless you submit, understood?”

I threw him a deadly glare and smirked mischievously, “Try me,” then I gripped a handful of his hair and pulled him back. Nanami hissed, with the arm that was around my waist he brought mine down and tilted my head back once more, his face hovering over mine. “I pulled your hair, you pull mine, it’s fair,” He stated, his voice dripping with ire, his eyes then darkened, “You spit…” He started, opening my mouth with a gloved finger, I heard the sound before realizing it. He closed my mouth afterwards and covered it with the palm of his hand. “I spit, now fucking swallow,”

I tried to get his hand off my mouth, but he kept it there until he was sure I had swallowed, that’s when he added, “I can feel you walls clenching around my cock, it looks like you’re enjoying being treated like filth,” He leaned back, and pushed my head into the pillow, his form unmoving inside me. I wanted more than just that, I wanted to feel his hands gripping my waist tight as he’d fuck me from behind. I leaned back, to try to get something from it, only to be struck down.

The snap of the riding crop meeting my skin echoed in the silent room and was soon joined by my painful moan. “Two words, say them. Or do you not understand what’s going on here?” Without moving, his hand met my clit once more while the free one held my hips in place, he resumed his earlier work and my moans were now full whines, my poor clit felt like it was burning from the overstimulation it was getting. Nanami continued, until he felt my walls clench around his cock, that’s when he stopped and laughed breathlessly. “That’s three times, I can go on, but can you?”

I tried to reply, but my response was muffled by the pillow. Perhaps it was for the best, but Nanami wasn’t having it. He gripped a handful of my hair once more and pulled my head up, “Stop mumbling, articulate,” He ordered. I looked away, pressing my lips tight. “Alright, let’s see how well you fence after the fourth time, shall we?” He never let go of my hair and used his free hand to touch my clit once again, I couldn’t muffle my panting this time. My mouth wide open, loud moans, I couldn’t bear another deception.

“Please,” I uttered.

“I didn’t quite catch that,” He said with a bit too much pride in his voice, “Need I remind you the words?” He asked as he pressed his lips delicately against my temple and gritted through his teeth, “Go ahead little mouse, say it,” I wasn’t saying it. I felt his lips turn into a smile, his fingers hadn’t left my nub, and it had gotten unbearable, each of his graze against it felt like it burnt so when he bucked his hips into me one time: it was enough to make me succumb.

“I submit- Ken, please, no more, I can’t-“ I panted, tears of frustration streaming down my face. A satisfied growled escaped Nanami’s lips, “Atta girl, let’s get you fucked properly,” He let go of my hair, effectively making me fall back on the pillow. His hands brushed over my back a few times, as if he was assessing before going forth with what he had planned. He paused, then settled his hands on my hips and started ramming inside me animalistically.

Each of his thrusts were met with a whimper, that very angle made him reach the right spot easily, but it wasn’t enough yet. I felt like he was holding back, “Ken- my back-“ Confused, Nanami slowed down his movements and leaned in, keeping himself in role, “Speak up little mouse, I can’t hear you over how fucking loud you’re whining,”

I swore in pleasure under my breath among the tears, he knew what he was doing, and I could feel my face heat up more than it already was. I quickly got hold of myself and sobbed, “Mark me, let it out,“ Nanami had now stopped everything and seemed to be gauging how I was doing, a flicker of the real him showed on his face before he returned to his role once more. “Look at you, crying for more. Desperate to be ruined, to be dominated,” He delicately tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, it did not do much with how messy my hair was, but it was soft, nonetheless.

“I’ll oblige,” With a kiss pressed on the back of my head, Nanami then did exactly what he promised. His thrusts were more carnal, his hands, now both gloveless, were painting my back with claw marks as he used my back as his canvas. I was not aware of much of what I was doing, but it felt so fucking good. I was moaning and crying at the same time and seeing how Nanami seemed to get even more turned on from the sight, I was led to believe he enjoyed it as well.

He kept that pace up, but soon enough we both reached our peak. Through heavy pants, I begged Nanami to cum inside me, which he happily complied to. The mix of pain and pleasure made everything stronger, I felt my eyes roll back and my legs shake, as best as they could from being held down, then nothing. Pure bliss.

I kept my eyes closed a while longer, letting Nanami pull out and do as he pleased. He probably got changed and went to get what he thought was necessary to take care of me.

Then I believe I fell asleep a few moments after that, I don’t know how long but when I woke up, I was wrapped in a comfortable bathrobe. A blanket was draped over my form, and something was resting on my stomach. Looking down, I saw Nanami’s hand lazily draped over it.

I then looked up and saw my head was resting on a pillow on his lap. He was sitting on the couch, watching the TV. When I met his gaze, he smiled in the most charming way, “You’re awake, it seemed it tired you more than I thought it would. We’ll be more careful next time,” He said softly as he kept his eyes on mine.

We stared at one another a while. Not saying anything, not needing to, or maybe wanting to. But it wasn’t awkward, it was comfortable.

Nanami broke the silence first, “Did it meet your expectations? I find myself believing you’ve been thinking about this for a while, maybe a fantasy?” He asked, his hand absentmindedly brushing over my stomach.

I smiled tiredly, “Oh it did, it’s hard to get into it at first… And I wouldn’t be against being thrown around more. Safely… ish, of course…” I paused, not believing I was feeling embarrassed after what we had done. “But you were definitely great, thank you for engaging in this… I guess it could be defined as a fantasy,” It felt too serious to thank him like this, but I did not know how other way to do it.

“I did not think it would have been necessary to say it, but clearly you seem to be thinking I only did it for you,” He looked at me with a loving smile, “Which I partially did, but I do enjoy seeing you struggling under me. And I definitely enjoyed this, more than you think,” I quirked my brows in surprise at his word, the small smile on my lips betraying the shock and showing the excitement that returned. “However, I must apologize for the soreness you’ll be feeling, I treated everything, but you’ll definitely be sore for a few days… Maybe a week, you tell me,”

I moved on the couch to see in how much pain I was and hissed when my whole body screamed for me to stop. “Yeah, okay, I feel you. A week, more like a month. I say next time we try something tamer, what’s your fantasy?” I asked tiredly, snuggling closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Nanami chuckled softly and caressed my cheek gently, “Let’s talk about that tomorrow, we might need to buy new things,” He said half-jokingly.

“Is it a uniform?” I asked as I fell asleep.

“It might be, I am a simple man after all…”

I think I laughed, but I was too tired to remember. Maybe I’ll let him ruin a few more suits if it led to this…

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento #jjk nanami kento #jjk x reader #ao3 writer #physicalturian #physicalturian ao3 #writer #writings #ao3 writings #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #nanami x reader

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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 301: All My Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: We learned that when a bunch of superpowered villains are suddenly set loose with nobody around to stop them, things get fucked pretty quickly. Old Man Samurai and a bunch of other useless people decided to make “I pretend I do not see it” their new mantra, and resigned. Endeavor had a moment of despair on account of being crushed by the guilt of having ruined the lives of himself, his family, and basically everyone else in the entire world. For various reasons the heretical notion of “person who has done bad things feels sorry for doing them” sent fandom spiraling into a meltdown, so that was fun. The chapter ended with the entire Todoroki clan descending upon Enji’s hospital room to have a dramatic chat about Touya and All That General Fuckery.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “here’s the story of how Baby Touya slowly went insane trying to win his father’s love.” It’s a tale full of subverted expectations and heartbreaking inevitability, and also like twenty panels of the cutest fucking kids who ever existed on planet earth, who are so fucking cute that I can’t stop thinking about their cuteness even with all of the horrifying family tragedy unfolding around them. It is absolutely ridiculous how cute they are. Touya is out here pushing his tiny body past its limits because he inherited the same obsession as his dad and neither of them can put it aside even though it’s destroying them, and yet all I can think about is Baby Shouto’s (。･o･｡) face. Anyways what a chapter.

so I have to confess that even though I managed to avoid being caught off-guard by the early leaks, the number of people reblogging my Endeavor posts from earlier this week and using the tag “bnha 301” kind of gave me an inkling that this chapter will include more Tododrama lol. that said, I don’t know anything else about it, so we’re still good spoiler-wise

AHHHHH FLAHSBAKC AHHHH. omg I know I typoed the shit out of that, but I’m just going to leave it lol I think it’s fitting

holy shit holy fuck. so this is Rei and Enji’s first meeting, then??

yepppp, oh shit

so wait, I know this is not even the slightest bit important, but are they meeting at Enji’s home or Rei’s? because I always figured that Enji was the one with the super-Japanese aesthetic, but maybe that was Rei’s side of the family all along

(ETA: from what I found during my very brief google search, omiai meetings are often held at fancy hotels or restaurants, so maybe that’s what this is.)

there’s such a period drama feel to this setting. like it’s so outrageously formal fff how can anyone stand this kind of atmosphere though seriously

OH THANK GOD

I mean they’re still stiff af but at least they’re not rigidly sitting in seiza and staring at each other unblinkingly anymore lol. Enji’s actually got his hands in his pockets now. why is this somehow almost cute

oh damn it’s the flowers

Rei seems so subdued and it’s so hard to get any idea of what she’s actually thinking. I want to see her side of this dammit

but anyway, so at least from Enji’s perspective it seems like even though the marriage was arranged and he picked her because of her quirk, he still loved his wife and wanted to do right by her. the fact that he was watching her and noticed that she liked the flowers, and remembered that detail for all these years -- there’s a reason why Horikoshi’s showing us this. we know what’s going to happen later on; we know how much fear and violence and breaking of trust is coming up ahead, and while it may seem like this scene is serving to soften Enji’s character further -- which to be fair it is -- it also helps drive home the full impact of his abuse. that it’s so terrible not only because of the trauma of the abuse itself, but also because of the way it retroactively destroys all of the good things as well. this could have potentially been such a sweet scene, but it’s inescapably tainted by the knowledge of what’s to come, at least for me. and that’s just brutal

anyways, shit. is the whole chapter going to be like this?? feel free to toss in something I can actually make a joke about sometime, Horikoshi

oop, back to the present

omfg lol

“are you all right” “NO I’M NOT ALL RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK.” “oh, right, because of all the stuff that’s happened with me abusing you and you having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for ten years and then our son coming back to life and killing thirty people, right, right. I almost forgot.” whoops

omfg you guys I’m loving this new and improved steely-eyed Rei. I’m loving her a lot

and what do you mean “part one” fkjds how long is this going to be. TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ONE CHAPTER TO HANDLE

oh, hello

yeah I’ll say you did. didn’t seem to bother you much at the time, though

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Dabi Is A Noumu intensifies even further. anyways though would you fucking look at this boy lounging on this moth-eaten couch doing his best DRAW ME LIKE YOUR FRENCH GIRLS impression wtf

Dabi what if you actually had killed him??? what would you feel?? satisfaction?? regret?? anything at all?? tell me your secrets goddammit

who are you talking to buddy

Fuyumi-chan, Natsu-kun (is it common for brothers to address each other as -kun?? can’t recall seeing that in many other anime, but hey), and “dot dot dot,,,,,, SHOUTO” lol thank you so much for this bountiful heaping of Tododrama Horikoshi we are blessed

AH, WHAT DID I SAY THE OTHER DAY

ULTIMATE MELODRAMATIC THEATER CHILD. “I’M JUST GOING TO LIE ON THIS COUCH SHIRTLESS AND ALONE AND MAKE SPEECHES TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO AREN’T THERE AND SAY THINGS LIKE ‘WATCH ME IN THE PITS OF HELL’ WITH A STRAIGHT FACE BECAUSE NO ONE’S THERE TO JUDGE ME.” WELL JOKE’S ON YOU MISTER CHATTERBOX BECAUSE I AM IN FACT JUDGING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LOL

(ETA: and on a more serious note, it’s interesting to see that “look at me”/”watch me” theme being used again though, because we see that same sentiment uttered repeatedly by the younger Touya in the flashback. well kid, you definitely got your wish at last. don’t know what else to say.)

OKAY HORIKOSHI HAS DECIDED THAT’S ENOUGH FUN, TIME FOR MORE FLASHBACKS

oh my sweet precious lord

just as cute as we left him. giving us a child this cute when we all know full well what’s going to happen to him is just unspeakably cruel though

HOMG

I’m fucking speechless. you broke me, congratulations. what am I even supposed to do with this

I can’t get over this. moving forward my life will be split into two distinct parts, B.P. (Before the Pout) and A.P. (After the Pout)

and meanwhile there’s ALL THIS BACKGROUND ANGST BUILDING UP, AND I CAN’T EVEN FOCUS ON IT. Touya’s arm and cheek are covered in bandages (I’m guessing this is shortly after that “ouch!” panel we got some chapters back), and Enji is deliberately avoiding training with him because he doesn’t want him to hurt himself further. I can’t fucking get over the irony that all this time everyone thought Touya had died because Enji pushed him too far in his training, and it turns out that it’s the opposite -- the tragedy ultimately happened because he didn’t want to push him. but I’m jumping ahead of myself though I guess

by the way,

remember this?? just wanted to remind you that it exists just in case you forgot

so now someone is talking and basically saying that Touya is the exact opposite of what Enji was hoping for when he decided to start playing with quirk genetics

-- okay hold up

...lol no, never mind. for a second I thought “holy shit he looks kind of familiar WHAT IF IT’S UJIKO OMG” before I remembered that Enji would have recognized him during the hospital capture mission if that was the case. so NEVER MIND, PROCEED

IMAGINE THAT, ENJI DOESN’T QUITE SEEM SATISFIED WITH THIS SUGGESTION OF QUITTING NOW

(ETA: how the fuck did this man go around saving 62 towns in a single day what even is All Might.)

[clicks tongue several times] trouble a’brewin’

MEANWHILE BABY TOUYA HAS UNFORTUNATELY INHERITED HIS DAD’S STUBBORN STREAK

KLDIHWOEIJFL:KSDJ

!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god. oh my god. what is this chapter. WHAT IS IT

so now Touya is all “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY MANLY DESIRE TO BURN MYSELF ALIVE” well you got her there champ

THEY’RE TOO CUTE. OH MY GOD. HIS FURIOUS LITTLE TEARS. HER CHUBBY LIL FACE. HIS STUBBY LIL FISTS. SOMEONE HELP ME

also are they just home alone lol or what. “hey Touya, you’re what, like six now?? do us a favor and look after your baby sister for a couple hours for us would you? make sure not to set yourself on fire or anything.” WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!

now it’s nighttime and Enji and Rei are arguing, presumably about his decision not to train Touya anymore

whew. okay. so, a couple of things here

1. first of all I think this conclusively shows that Enji really was trying to do the best he could for Touya. he stopped training him as soon as he realized it was hurting him, but Touya was still determined so he tried to make it work anyway, and even visited doctors to try and figure out if there was anything they could do. then, once they were absolutely sure that it wasn’t going to work, he tried multiple times to explain to Touya why they had to stop. he didn’t just abandon him out of the blue, which is really important to note. “no matter how much I tried telling him...”

so yeah, that debunks another common fandom accusation. so by the time he finally makes this decision, which we all know is going to turn out horribly, it’s basically because he’s already tried everything else he could think of. which, by the way, still doesn’t mean he handled this right. but at the very least he was taking Touya’s feelings into account and he was trying, and he didn’t just abruptly toss his son aside (at least not yet)

2. buuuut, then there’s this panel right below all that

which is the other side of it. if he’d just quit like the doctor person advised him to, that would have been the end of it. Touya would still have been upset, but he would have eventually gotten over it and the family would have moved on and possibly even been happy. but what happens next happens because Enji can’t let go. he still has this maddening urge to surpass All Might, and so he and Rei keep having more children, and then Shouto is born, and Enji finally has a kid he can start projecting all of his hysterical ambitions onto once again, and everything starts spiraling out of control soon after

though p.s. none of that is Shouto’s fault though!! he’s one of the few good things to come out of this whole mess and I’m very happy that he exists. the tragedy is that his dad fucking lost his mind over his quirk and fucked everything up. but that’s on him, not Touya or Shouto

anyways, SLKFJLSHGLKJL

I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS YOU GUYS??? LOOK AT THAT LIL BUTTON OF A NOSE??? I’M LOSING IT HERE???

AND TOUYA JUST SEEMS DEVASTATED OMG

because children aren’t stupid, after all. he understands that his dad is still looking to surpass All Might. and so he feels like a failure, and feels like his dad is trying to replace him because he wasn’t good enough. and even now, isn’t that what the adult Touya is trying to prove?? that he was good enough after all?? “I’ll show you what happens when you give up on me, dad”?? “I’ll show you what I can do”?? fuck my life fuck everything

AND YOU CAN SEE THE TOLL THAT IT’S ALL TAKING ON REI GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS WELL OH GOD

really nice touch here with the panel outlines becoming all shimmery from the heat of Endeavor’s flames (and/or becoming more unstable as the family gets closer and closer to their breaking point). but man, Horikoshi I can’t handle this, please show us more cute kids or something I can’t

GKELKWFJLDKSHFLKL

WITTLE BABE. BEEB. BUBS. SMOL. lkj; oh ouch a piece of my heart just detached and latched onto him huh look at that

TODOROKI “I’M SO SMALL AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE” SHOUTO AHHHHH

crazy how they all just seem to know right off the bat lol. kid doesn’t even have object permanence yet, let alone a quirk. but do they care?? IT’S THE HAIR, RIGHT. WE’RE ALL THINKING IT, I’M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT. they knew the minute they looked at him lol

AND MEANWHILE TOUYA IS OFF HAVING UNSUPERVISED TRAINING/CRYING SESSIONS IN THE MOUNTAINS OR WHATEVER, AND, UH OH

are those blue flames yet?? they seem pretty close

(ETA: this is one of the few cases where the manga being in black and white is infuriating lol.)

OH MY GOD AND STILL

so it’s not like he was so disinterested that he didn’t notice what was happening, and he was still trying to stop it and get through to him. trying to reassure him that it wasn’t the end of the world and there were other things he could do with his life, but this one particular thing just wasn’t going to happen

fucking hell. it’s agonizing seeing how close they actually were to fixing it. if he’d only said the right words, or if he’d realized at this point how destructive his obsession could be to his kids, and backed off from putting that same pressure on Shouto. we came so close to possibly having a happy ending

AND ALSO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT PLEASE LOOK AT HOW TOUYA IS LIKE THREE AND A HALF FEET TALL AND HIS DAD IS LIKE NINE AND A HALF FEET. Touya barely comes past his knees flkjlkg. the Todoroki household must have been so filled with like plastic stepstools to reach the bathroom sink and all the little baby toothbrushes, and baby gates to keep the kiddos out of the important grown-up rooms and stuff. and also days-old half-empty cups of water and stale crackers and hot wheels and my little ponies strewn everywhere

“BUT EVERYONE AT SCHOOL SAYS THEY’RE GONNA BE HEROES” a wild Deku parallel appears?? how bout that

I know this is like a pivotal moment in the Todo Tragedy and all, but fucking look at this lil dumpling

“sup bro, it’s me, the manifestation of your fears of inadequacy and lack of fatherly affections. a GAAA. ba-baAA-baa [gurgling baby sounds]”

OHHHHH IT’S THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING OH NO

HE WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU ENJI. good lord somebody please just get this family some therapy

“DAD YOU IGNITED IT IN ME” flkjslkj nope, nope. not ready for this pain here

baby Shouto, would you like to weigh in on this affair? “DA!! ba-ga-daaa, [pacifier chewing noises]” oh my, you don’t say. so insightful for one so young

OH MY GODDDDDD

IT’S SO DRAMATIC BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT ARE THE SHOUNEN WOOSH LINES SURROUNDING FOUR-MONTH-OLD SHOUTO LOL HE WAS LIKE THIS FROM BIRTH OH MY GOD I AM DYING HELP

SHOUTO YOU’RE RUINING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER!?!?!

“yo, the fuck kind of family was I fucking born into” oh, son. if you only knew. IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

(ETA: lmao I got so distracted by the ridiculous cuteness that I glossed over the fact that Baby Touya seems to possibly be aiming at him?? it’s hard to tell because he’s also super out of it from heatstroke and may just be losing control in his attempt to show off his upgrade.)

ANYWAY THAT’S THE END EXCEPT WHAT’S THIS LAST LINE OMG

ffffff. and we’re in for ANOTHER chapter of this next week?? MORE drama?? MORE BABIES?? MORE OF EIGHT-YEAR-OLD TOUYA’S SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT, BUT ALSO YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP

#bnha 301 #dabi #todoroki touya #endeavor #todoroki enji #todoroki rei #todoroki shouto #todoroki fuyumi #todoroki natsuo #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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ackerpreach · 3 years

Text

This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)

MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION

Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter

After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...

Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship

Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could. She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared.

but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN)

Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her??? He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.

Like seriously??? What is this???

Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for.

This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa.

Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that? Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way. Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO! All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship.

Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this.

Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women

I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way.

It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy.

I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR.

I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.

The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that???

It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below. I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place... It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga.

Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination

The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???

Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))

Historia’s baby

The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all got thrown out of the window...

Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’)

It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.

My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action

In Conclusion...

I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.

Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to. I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative.

I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3

#rivamika #snk leaks #snk 139 leaks #levimika #mikalevi

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idnek83 · 3 years

Text

By Your Side - chapter 2/3

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, No Game Spoilers, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Verbal and Physical Abuse, Homophobia, Other Tags To Be Added

Summary: The epilogue of Aid, in which Soda finally comes out to those around him, and accomplishes a goal he’s had ever since that fateful day in the beach house.

Chapter: 1, 2

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda comes out to his father and things go about as poorly as one would expect. But maybe he hasn't lost nearly as much as he thinks.

Please mind the tags. This chapter contains non-graphic depictions of verbal and physical abuse. If you don’t want to read it but would like to know what happened, please read the summary in the ending notes on AO3

_____________________

Coming out to his friends had been so easy that he had almost convinced himself that coming out to his dad could be easy too.

It wasn’t that bad really, he only hit him a few times, he’d been beaten worse for breaking things in the garage.

He was glad he told Gundham not to come though.

“You’re already such a useless fuckin’ disappointment-”

Really, watching how Gundham would react to his father’s abuse would probably have been way harder to take.

“Now you ain’t even gonna have a kid and continue the family? Too busy suckin’ dick like a disgusting-”

At this point his dad was pretty much just repeating himself. Earlier, Soda had tried to appease his father by pointing out that he was actually still interested in women, so technically he might still have a kid someday.

But his father wasn’t listening, so he gave up.

He didn’t really want kids anyways.

He was too scared he’d end up like his dad.

“-outta my house before I throw you out!”

Oh, that was new. He probably should have been listening better. He really was useless.

“What?”

“I said you best get your ass outta my house real quick, or I’m gonna throw ya out, and don’t even think ‘bout coming back unless you’re ready to put this gay shit behind you.”

His father’s entire face was red, a few ugly veins stood out on his forehead, and he looked cartoonishly angry.

Soda couldn’t help but think it was almost funny.

“Can I, um, can I grab some of my stuff first?”

Soda wasn’t really sure how he was acting so calm, it always happened when things with his dad got really bad. Calm didn’t stop his father from hitting him, but it usually stopped him from hitting harder.

His father’s eyes narrowed and his shoulders tensed in a way Soda had learned meant he should start preparing to be hit again, but to his surprise his father just turned and stormed away after mumbling “Ya got 15 fucking minutes,” followed by a string of insults Soda knew were supposed to be hurtful, but hardly affected him anymore.

It’s hard to feel rain drops when you’re already soaked.

He walked to his room an sat on the bed.

He just stared.

What was he supposed to do? Pack? Most his stuff was already in his dorm at Hope’s Peak. Why had he asked to get his stuff when there wasn’t even anything important here?

He looked vacantly around his room.

It was pretty sparse. Just some dirty clothes thrown around on old worn-out furniture. There was a picture of him and his dad on the nightstand.

Maybe he should take that? People always take photos with them in movies and shit, so that’s probably what he’s supposed to do, right?

He threw it out the window instead.

It probably should have made him feel something, but he just felt numb.

He grabbed a pillowcase and stared filling it with his clothes and some of the random junk he had sitting around, not really paying attention to what he was doing.

Was this the last time he would ever be in this room? In this house?

The thought made him freeze.

He was about to lose the only home he’d ever had.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and laid down on his bed, tried to remember the feeling of it and the image of his ceiling.

It was stupid, but he felt like he would miss staring at that ceiling, suddenly every little bump and scratch felt like an important part of who he was. He had stared at it his whole life and now he just… wouldn’t be able to ever again.

He felt like he was upset about the wrong thing, but he couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes anyway.

He was definitely going to miss that ceiling.

There was a knock at the door.

Shit, had it been 15 minutes already?

He stood and grabbed his sack of stuff, wiped his face, and opened the door to his room for what was probably the last time.

No one was there.

He checked his phone to see if his time was actually up, maybe he was just hearing things.

He had 12 missed calls from Gundham and twice as many unanswered texts.

There was another knock at the door.

Not his room door.

The front door.

Oh god, no.

He ran to the front door and pulled it open. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Gundham standing there looking both incredibly concerned and incredibly angry.

He was surprised when he didn’t immediately shove both himself and his boyfriend out the door like he had been planning to though.

Something about seeing Gundham just then, seeing the man he felt so safe around right as he was losing his home broke him, and instead of pushing Gundham back and away from the building like he should, he wrapped his arms around him and choked a sob into his chest.

Gundham held him tightly, and for a moment Soda didn’t feel so lost.

And then his dad found them.

“And this is the fucking guy? Really went with the fruitiest fucker you could, huh? Couldn’t pick one that at least looks like a girl could ya, ya little-”

He couldn’t take it if his father and Gundham started fighting. He needed to leave. Now.

He tried to nudge Gundham back, but Gundham just held him tighter.

“Cease your barking, foul beast.”

No.

Gundham shifted, partially shielding Soda from his father. He was definitely getting ready to fight.

No no no.

“I will not allow you to-”

The venom in Gundham’s raised voice sent a chill down Soda’s spine that he wished wasn’t so familiar.

He needed to stop this before it got bad, before he started fearing Gundham’s voice the same way he feared his father’s.

“Gundham, please, don’t.”

It was quiet, pathetic, and mumbled into Gundham’s chest. If his father had heard it he would have laughed and mocked him more, there’s not way it would have stopped him.

But it stopped Gundham.

He felt Gundham tense for a moment, before stroking Soda’s hair and muttering an apology against his temple. It was the exact kind of tender comfort Soda had never dared dream of receiving during one of his father’s episodes.

It made him cling to Gundham harder.

Yeah, his dad really didn’t appreciate that.

Soda was pretty sure Gundham was literally biting his tongue as the two of them walked away from the house, trailed by every insult and threat his father could think to utter. Only once they made it to the sidewalk did Gundham pause and look back. Soda could see him seething, knew Gundham needed to say something, and just pressed his head against Gundham’s shoulder, allowing him to finally speak up.

He didn’t have the energy to stop him anyways.

Gundham locked eyes with Soda’s father and tightened his arm protectively around Soda’s back.

He just hoped Gundham wouldn’t yell again.

“May you one day find enough love to know your actions were wrong.”

It was hardly any louder than Gundham’s usual speaking voice, but the moment of silence that followed it told Soda that his father had indeed heard it.

The renewed vigor of his threats after, however, told him his father didn’t care for the words.

–

Soda wasn’t 100% sure how they got back to campus.

He vaguely remembers being on a bus and hiding his face against Gundham’s neck, doing his best not to cry in public.

He didn’t need more people seeing how pathetic he was.

He remembers the warmth of Gundham’s hand on his back and the soothing sound of his voice, though he can’t really remember anything he said.

He was so useless he couldn’t even pay attention when someone was trying to comfort him.

It wasn’t until they were walking through the doors of their dorm building that he really felt like he was able to focus again. Something about being in a familiar place just made his mind come back from… wherever it had been.

The first thing he noticed was that he didn’t have the pillowcase he had shoved all his shit in.

He didn’t have the pillowcase.

His heartbeat picked up.

He didn’t have his stuff.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t have a house,

His knees buckled.

He didn’t have a home.

He fell. He felt sick. He felt like he was dying.

Gundham was saying something. He couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything but his own too loud heartbeat and his brain’s assurance that he had lost everything and that he might as well just die.

Suddenly he was being carried. He wanted to protest but he couldn’t catch his breath, so he just gasped and choked pathetically in Gundham’s arms until he was slowly lowered onto a bed.

His bed.

His bed in his dorm room, covered in his dirty clothes and his unwashed blankets.

Soda gripped the sheets, his sheets, and something about it made the knot in his chest loosen.

He could breathe again.

He opened his eyes, unsure when he had closed them, and looked down at Gundham, who was crouched down before him holding his limp hands in his own.

A small smile graced Gundham’s face when Soda met his eyes.

“Have you returned to me, my love?”

Soda’s mouth felt dry, so he just nodded.

Gundham stood, slowly, the same way Soda knew he would around a frightened animal, and lifted one of Soda’s hands to gently press his lips to his knuckles.

“Do you keep ice in your fridge, dear consort?”

The question felt bizarre. Ice? Was this an overlord thing? He really wasn’t in the mood for that crap…

He managed to choke out a confused “Huh?”

“Ice, my dearest, is there any in your fridge? We must treat your wounds.”

Soda blinked slowly, waiting for his mind to process what was happening.

His wounds?

Oh.

He must have a blackeye.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll get it.”

When he stood Gundham moved as if to stop him, and he felt anger bubble up in his stomach.

“I said I’ll fucking get it! I’m not that fucking useless!”

He regretted it the second he finished speaking. Gundham’s shocked face hurt him more than anything else that night had.

In his mind his raised voice echoed and distorted until he couldn’t tell it from his father’s.

He was on his knees again, sobbing an apology, as gentle arms slowly wrapped around him and a deep voice offered forgiveness he didn’t deserve.

They must have been close enough to his minifridge for Gundham to reach it, as he suddenly felt something cold being lightly pressed into his hands.

It was an icepack he nearly forgot he owned, Mikan had handed them out to everyone in class on a particularly hot day that summer.

He pressed it to his eye, only then did he notice the dull throbbing pain of it.

He let himself fall forward into Gundham’s chest again.

“‘m sorry.” He mumbled again.

“My beloved consort, I can hardly imagine the pain you are feeling at this moment.” A soft kiss to his forehead. “I will remain by your side as you fight the demons which plague you, however unpleasant they may be.”

The words struck fear in Soda’s heart.

“No.”

“My dear?”

“I don’t want that, Gundham.” He took a shaky breath “I don’t want you to be with me if I’m treating you like shit. I don’t care if I’m hurt or whatever, if I treat you like shit you leave, okay?”

“It’s understandable that-”

“No. Gundham, please, I just-” another shaky breath as he pulled far enough away from Gundham that he could meet his eyes “- I don’t want to end up like him, okay? So you can’t… you can’t just let me get away with this shit. E-even when I’m upset.”

Gundham took a moment to consider his words, looking unconvinced.

“Please Gundham. I couldn’t… I couldn’t take it if I hurt you.”

Gundham stroked his cheek and finally nodded.

“Then I will do my best to keep your behavior in check, and in return I will ask only one thing.”

Soda smiled and cocked his head.

“Yeah?”

“You must be kind to yourself as well, dearest.”

It caught him off-guard.

“You have made a habit of speaking of yourself in a depreciating manner. I will not allow you to speak to me in such a way, and I will not allow you to speak to yourself in such a way either.” Gundham smiled and cupped Soda’s chin. “You are the consort of the great Overlord of Ice, my love, all must treat you with respect.”

Soda couldn’t help but laugh a little. It made his face hurt even worse, but it was worth it.

Gundham pulled him close again and quietly chuckled along with him.

Eventually they stood, and Soda looked around his room until he found a mostly clean face cloth to wrap the icepack in, before pressing it back to his swollen eye.

Gundham simply stood in the middle of the room, seemingly uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

“Um, Gundham? What’s, uh, what’s up?” Gundham looking nervous made Soda feel nervous, it was just too unlike him.

“I am… simply unsure if I should stay.”

“Huh?”

Gundham hadn’t once hesitated to spend the night in Soda’s room since they had returned from their vacation.

“I would be happy to stay with you this night, my dear consort, but…you have gone through so much so quickly, I would understand if you wished to have some time alone, or simply some time away from me, as I am .”

Soda was about to protest, of course he wanted Gundham around right now, having the person you love around in a crisis was like the number one thing you were supposed to want, right?

But the more he thought about it the more he realized Gundham had a point. Maybe he felt calm for the moment, but he was sure he’d have another outburst soon, and as much as he appreciated Gundham’s comfort and reassurance, sometimes a guy really just needs to let himself have a good long ugly cry in private, just to get it all out.

“Actually, yeah… I think, um, I think maybe I’ll sleep alone tonight? If that’s alright?”

“Of course it is alright, dearest.”

Gundham smiled for a second before it faltered.

“But please, do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything, my love. Truly anything, big or small, I will do my best to accommodate you.”

Soda smiled a little but could already feel his emotions welling up again at Gundham’s hesitance.

“I will, Gundham. Or? I won’t I guess? Uh, I mean, I’ll text you if I need anything, okay? Just, uh, try not to worry about me to much for now, alright? I’ll… be okay.”

He’d probably be okay, right?

“Of course, I’ll do my best.” Gundham moved to the door as Soda opened it, turning back as he walked through it. “I love you, my dear Soda.”

Soda felt his throat tightening again.

“L-love you too, Gundham.” Maybe it was a little choked, maybe he closed the door a little too fast, but maybe he just didn’t want Gundham to have to deal with any more of his crying that night.

He waited a moment for Gundham’s shadow to disappear from below the door, before once again sliding to his knees.

He expected to sob, the way he had before, but to his surprise he just breathed out a few more shaky breaths.

Maybe he had had enough of his own crying for one night too.

Maybe he just needed another minute.

He decided he might as well get ready for bed. He looked around his room for some cleanish pajamas and found a shirt Gundham had forgotten at some point. It passed the sniff test, smelling only mildly like BO but mostly like Gundham, so he threw it on along with some loose shorts he was mostly certain he had only slept in a few times that week.

He still didn’t feel like crying.

Soda sat on his bed and pulled out his phone, maybe he should just ask Gundham to come back if he wasn’t going to have another breakdown…

He felt guilty when he saw all the still unread messages from Gundham, but he’d deal with those later. For now, he was more interested in some of the other texts he had.

He had told most his friends that he was planning to come out to his father today, so there were a decent number of texts asking how things went.

As he scrolled through his various messages he began to feel guilty, many of his classmates had not only asked how things went but had followed up a while later with concerned messages. Fuyuhiko had even threatened to send some of “his guys” to Soda’s house - to Soda’s Father’s house - if he didn’t respond soon.

Luckily it seemed like Gundham had done some damage control while Soda had been out of it, as there were also a few messages saying things like “Gundham says you’re safe, but I’m here to talk if you need it!” and offering various words of support and love.

So, turns out he wasn’t done crying.

What had he done to deserve such good friends? He was just a stupid fuck-up and yet there were so many people ruining their nights by worrying about him. The worst part was he couldn’t even find the energy to respond to them. These people were making the effort to try to reach out to him and he couldn’t even do them the courtesy of responding.

His dad was right, he was useless.

He opened the rest of his messages without reading them, just to clear the notifications, then fell face first onto his pillow and tried not to sob. His throat was starting to feel sore, and all the crying really wasn’t helping.

His phone vibrated and he ignored it.

It vibrated again.

And again.

He grabbed it to put it on silent, but the most recent message caught his eye.

I swear dude if you don’t respond in the next five minute I’m coming back and kicking your ass.

It was Hajime. He and Nagito had decided to go camping for the weekend, and he had been pretty upset when Soda had told him he was going to talk to his dad while Hajime was out of town. Soda had insisted it would be fine and that Hajime should still go, and Hajime had only agreed on the condition that Soda would keep him updated with how things went.

Something he very much did not do.

He shot off a quick “I’m fine,” and almost immediately after he hit send his phone began ringing.

The bastard had tricked him, he couldn’t say he hadn’t noticed Hajime calling now.

He sighed and answered his phone.

“Yeah?” His voice was kind of scratchy, but he didn’t think he sounded like he was crying at least.

To his surprise, instead of the snarky response he had been expecting, he simply heard a relieved sigh and a slightly distant sounding “He’s okay,” before a louder “You had me really worried man.”

Soda choked back another sob. Hajime sounded so genuinely relieved, he could only imagine how worried he must have been.

And he had been planning on just letting him worry…

God he was an asshole.

“I…” Soda really didn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay, I heard from Gundham so I know I should have just dropped it but… I dunno, man, I just really needed to hear your voice I guess? Like to be sure you’re alive?”

Soda let out a deep, shaky breath. He knew Hajime would be able to hear it over the phone, but he needed to calm himself down.

“S-sorry Haj. I shoulda just texted you. It’s my fault for being such a fuck up.”

“Soda, shut the fuck up right now or I actually am going to come back there and kick your ass. You’re not a fuck up, your dad’s a piece of shit, and you 100% are not allowed to feel shitty about not responding to people while you’re in the middle of a fucking crisis, got it?”

Soda froze before laughing at Hajime’s outburst.

“Weren’t you the one g-getting mad at me for not responding, d-dude?” He did his best to keep his voice light, but he couldn’t quite manage it.

“Yeah I know, I shouldn’t have. I probably just made you feel worse, huh?”

Soda paused for a moment.

“Yes and no?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, dude?”

“L-like… yeah seeing your messages and shit made me feel… really shitty, but… now that we’re talking I feel… I dunno, man, just... less shitty?”

There was a quick burst of static that Soda assumed must have been an amused huff from Hajime.

“Soda?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, man, okay? Don’t forget that.”

Tears welled up in his eyes and he had to swallow around a lump in his throat before responding.

“I love you too, Haj…”

There was a brief pause, both of them feeling a little awkward about being so open, but enjoying the feeling none the less, then-

“No homo.”

They said it at the same time.

Soda’s body shook with laughter, he could hear Hajime howling on the other end of the call and could just barely make out Nagito asking what was so funny in the background. His face hurt so bad, but he couldn’t really make himself care just then.

When their laughter died down Soda sighed.

“Thanks for this, Haj. I… I think I really needed to hear some of that shit…”

“Anytime, Soda.”

There was a brief pause and Soda knew Hajime was debating whether he should end the call or not.

He didn’t want to cut into Hajime’s camping date for too long, so he made the choice for him.

“Anyways, I’m feeling pretty tired, so I’m gonna head to bed now.”

“Okay, man, just… call me if you need to talk more, okay?”

“And risk catching you while you’re in the bone zone? No thanks, dude.”

“First off, never call it that again, second, I’m serious, Soda, call me.”

“Yeah, yeah, dude.”

“Soda.”

“I will. I promise! If I need to talk I’ll call you, even if I think you’re probably fucking, okay? Happy?”

“Yes. Now get some sleep.”

“Okay, mom. Good night.”

Soda heard Hajime’s faint chuckle as he hung-up, and found himself genuinely smiling for what felt like the first time that night.

Sure, maybe him and Hajime weren’t great at actually talking about heavy shit with each other without making it all into some kind of joke, but maybe jokes were the exact kind of thing he needed right then.

Jokes and something to fucking drink.

All the crying he had done that night had really killed his throat, and while the laughing had felt better, it had still just made him that much more aware of how dry his mouth was.

His phone buzzed as he stood to look for a drink. He picked it up expecting to find some snarky message from Hajime, only to see Sonia’s name on his screen instead.

Hello Soda, I do not mean to bother you, but I have made too much tea, and was wondering if you would like some.

Soda smiled at the message. ‘Made too much tea,’ as if Sonia wasn’t a master when it came to all things tea related.

I can leave some at your door if you are not in the mood to chat! I don’t mind!

Was he in the mood to chat? Talking with Hajime had been great, exactly what he needed probably, but would talking with Sonia be the same?

Their relationship had significantly improved over the past few months, the two of them would even sometimes hangout without Gundham around now, but they had never really talked about serious stuff before, they always just kept things light.

But he could really go for some tea, and maybe letting someone other than Gundham see that he was alive and in one piece would help him stop feeling so guilty about ignoring his friends.

Tea sounds good, thanks. I wouldn’t mind a quick chat either.

Great! I’ll be right over! ヾ(^▽^*)

Less than a minute passed before Soda heard light footsteps coming down the hall. He did his best to throw most of the dirty clothes scattered around into the laundry basket and hide some of the clutter before Sonia made it to his door.

“Soda? It’s me, I’d knock but my hands are full.”

“Be right there.” He lanced around his room and deemed it acceptable before pressing his icepack back against his eye and opening the door.

Sonia smiled brightly at him, and he pretended not to notice the way her smile faltered when she first registered the icepack as he invited her in.

There was a small, low table in the middle of the room and Soda gestured for Sonia to set the tea down there. They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment, maybe this had been a bad idea after all, Soda wasn’t really in the mood to stumble through an awkward conversation right now.

Sonia reached for a cup at the same moment Soda did, and the strange mirrored movement caused them both to giggle a little, breaking some of the tension.

“I am sorry for coming over like this, I admit I simply wanted to check that you were okay and didn’t prepare a topic for conversations.”

“It’s alright, Sonia. I mean, I kind of knew, you never mess up tea.” Soda smiled at her as best he could while holding the icepack to his eye.

“I apologize for being deceitful.” She smiled back. “I simply couldn’t think of-”

Soda shifted the icepack in his hand, pulling it back from his face to readjust the cloth wrapped around it, only for Sonia to abruptly stop talking and cover her mouth.

Oh right, his eye probably looked pretty messed up right now.

He covered it back up quickly.

“Sorry Sonia, it’s-”

Sonia stood, and Soda assumed she was about to excuse herself, but instead she stepped around the table, knelt beside him, and pulled him into one of the tightest hugs he had ever experienced.

“I’m so sorry Soda. You d-don’t deserve any of this.” Was she… crying? “Your… the man who did this doesn’t deserve you as a son.” He could hear it for sure now, she was definitely crying. The lump in his throat came back in full force, and he had to fight not to sob along with her.

“S-Sonia, it’s alright, d-don’t cry…” God now he was crying.

“It’s not alright!” She yelled and pulled him further against her. Soda hid his face against her shoulder. “It’s really not alright, Soda…”

Sonia rubbed Soda’s back gently with one hand, while stroking his hair and keeping him close with the other, while he sobbed against her and did his best not to get any snot on her clothes.

She was soft and warm and comforting, and he couldn’t help but remember being held in much the same way by his mother, years ago before she had passed.

It made him sob harder, but Sonia just kept holding him.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and crying together while their tea got cold.

Eventually, after they had both calmed down a little, Sonia released him, shifting her hand from Soda’s head and back to hold his free hand instead.

“Soda, I…” she looked up, into his good eye, “I think you’re very brave.”

He couldn’t help but blush.

“N-not really, I mean I was pretty scared…”

“But you are!” Sonia lifted his hand and clasped it between her own, holding it between her chest and his. “I don’t believe I would ever have been able to speak to my parents of my preferences had I not know before hand that they would be supportive! But you did! I think that makes you extremely brave!”

He didn’t feel brave, but maybe she had a point…

Wait.

“Your preferences?”

Sonia blinked and tilted her head.

“Gundham didn’t tell you?”

“N-no?” Wait, was the girl he had spent so long being creepily obsessed with not even into guys to begin with? “Sonia, are you, uh, not into dudes?”

“Oh, no I am, but I like women as well.” She blushed a little, but smiled. “I believe we are the same in that regard, correct?”

He just nodded.

Damn, first Hajime and now Sonia? He really needed to stop assuming all his friends were straight.

“But, uh, doesn’t that get complicated? Like with you being a princess and all?”

Why the fuck had he said that. That was like the opposite of the right thing to say.

He was definitely 2 for 2 with fucking up when his friends came out to him.

“Oh, a little. I am expected to produce an heir one day, but there are ways to do that even if my partner and I are not able to do so on our own.”

“Ah, right, that makes sense.”

Soda nodded and decided to chug his cold tea to stop himself from saying anything else dumb.

Sonia visibly cringed as he drank but didn’t stop him.

“You know I don’t mind making you some more, Soda.” She spoke as he lowered his now empty cup.

“N-no thanks, it’s good. Even cold it tastes fine.” He did his best to smile convincingly.

Sonia quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, instead smoothing out her skirt and giving her own cold cup of tea a disdainful look.

There was another slightly awkward silence before she stood once more.

“Then I think… If you would not like any more tea, I shall leave and allow you to rest for the night.”

“Ah, yeah. Thank you… for the tea and… thank you.” Soda stood as he spoke, and Sonia reached out to squeeze his hand once more before gathering her things and heading for the door.

“Good night Soda, sleep well!”

“You too, Sonia.”

“Oh, and…” Sonia smiled and paused for a moment, flicking he eyes down to Soda’s chest. “You look very good in that shirt. It’s cute on you.”

With that she left, letting Soda close the door behind her.

His shirt is cute? What shirt was he even wearing?

He looked down.

He felt his whole face heat with embarrassment as he remembered he had thrown on one of Gundham’s shirts earlier.

Oh.

“It looks cute on you.”

So Sonia had definitely recognized it.

He covered his face with both hands and laughed at himself. Why was he even this embarrassed? Sonia had been one of the first people to know him and Gundham were dating. He was just being dumb.

He pulled the shirt up to his nose and inhaled, smiling.

He was pretty sure he knew the exact night the shirt had ended up in his room. They had both been a little drunk and giggly, happy in each other’s arms as they had collapsed onto Soda’s bed.

Soda’s heart throbbed at the memory.

He wanted to see Gundham.

It had gotten pretty late though, maybe sending a text first would be a good idea.

Soda picked up his phone and clicked on Gundham’s name to open the messaging tab, pausing once he did.

Three little dots appeared at the bottom of the conversation, then disappeared, then appeared again.

Soda waited, but a message never came through.

Was Gundham… unsure? Soda watched the dots and imagined his boyfriend typing and erasing messages, unsure what to say or even if he should say anything, and the thought made him smile.

He decided to put Gundham out of his misery.

I’m coming over. Let’s watch a movie

He grabbed a random movie off his shelf, he didn’t really care what they watched. His phone buzzed, then buzzed again.

Dearest, I know you need space right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I love you and that you may call on me for anyt

Ignore that! I did not mean to send it!

I am happy to hear you are coming to my abode, my consort, I will ensure it is ready for you.

So he really had been sitting there trying to come up with the perfect message to send Soda, huh?

God, Gundham was such a dork.

Soda loved him for it.

–

He wasn’t really sure what time it was. Movie credits were scrolling across the little TV screen on the other side of the room, playing gentle music over Gundham’s quiet snores.

Soda rolled himself over, leaving his head on Gundham’s chest but shifting from his side to his back, and stared at the ceiling.

He had spent a good many nights in this room over the past few months, but the ceiling wasn’t familiar the way the one back in his father’s house had been. He didn’t think he’d cry if he never saw this one again.

Gundham grunted in his sleep and wrapped an arm around Soda’s back.

But he’d cry if he never got to see Gundham again. Or Sonia, or Hajime, or any of his friends. Even Nagito.

He’d cry if he lost them, he’d cry if they got hurt, and he’d cry if they cried.

Because he loved them.

Because they loved him.

Because even if he had lost the home he had known all his life, many of his own possessions, and even the man he had called father, he realized he hadn’t lost everything.

His home was with Hajime, while they laughed and made jokes at each other’s expense.

His home was with Sonia, making polite conversation and sipping tea so good he could hardly believe it was store bought.

His home was here, in Gundham’s arms late at night, feeling safe and secure even as his whole world was being turned on its head.

His home was with the people he loved.

All he had lost that night was a house.

#Soudam #Soda kazuichi #kazuichi soda #gundham tanaka #fic #My writing #Fic Aid

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chicoriii · 3 years

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Season 4, Episode 4 - Mr Pigeon 72

I have no idea where to start. This episode has some good things and some extremely stupid.

Marinette isn't still completely fine, but I prefer when she deals with it through being hyperactive than being a whining crybaby.

I know people don't agree with me, but personally I don't buy the whole revealing identity to Alya. It's not a problem with Alya herself, I would say the same about every single character who is not named Alix Kubdel at this point of the story. I haven't written anything in my post about Gang of Secrets, because I thought it would be undone in some way at the start of the next episode. The creators did nothing to explain why revealing identity of Ladybug to anyone was super dangerous and would result in a catastrophe in seasons 1-3 and the first two episodes of S4, but it's magically fine in episode 3. Only Alix made sense to me, as she will be the rabbit Miraculous holder, so she is destined to discover identities of everyone sooner or later and Marinette is aware of that. While it's not necessary to learn identity of anyone to other temporary Miraculous wielders, including Alya. Also that reveal hasn't been foreshadowed in season 3, while the show usually does it, especially if it's about something as important as that! More, in late S3, it's been shown that Alya still can't resist to not talking about Marinette's love life with Nino, despite she asked her to not do it. Now the girl, who is overly excited about superhero stuff, has no problems with even accidental revealing anything to Nino or someone else. She's even "stealing" Bunnix line that she's great at keeping secrets (sorry but you, the creators, haven't shown us that she's indeed is before!). This is why I think that reveal hasn't been planned before they started writing season 4.

But okay, I can deal with it, even if I don't buy it, but things these happened in Mr. Pigeon 72 are even more inconsistent with previous seasons. I have been worried about it, so it doesn't surprised me. For some reason Guardian related-things that have been kept in a secret before from everyone minus current Guardian and the future Guardian, are now fine being done in front of Kwamis (remember, they haven't been allowed to learn about making potions before!) and a civilian who is just a temporal Miraculous holder, not someone who is supposed to be trained to be a new Guardian. You can say - new Guardian, new rules, but why? Marinette has been portrayed as someone who respect authorities, she has never questioned any Fu's rules. It wasn't even said in the episode that she's going to change the rules. I hate that the writers don't even bother to explain us what's going on. Probably they don't bother about consistency, they think the audience is going to be too excited about Alya knowing Ladybug's identity and helping Marinette to question anything about it? How Alya could be allowed to learn the Guardian secrets? She is just best friend of the protagonist, she is not one of the main characters to get that special treatment. I makes zero sense to me. Especially since Su-Han will be introduced in episode 6 and he should help Marinette with understanding the Grimoire, Alya isn't necessary here for any other reason than fanservice.

In my opinion the way how they discovering how to make charms that protects from akumasitation was the most stupid thing that happened this season and one of the most in the whole show. Marinette who is the new Guardiand and portrayed as someone extreme intelligent and creative couldn't find the solution for days, but Alya with zero training magically discovered it in a few hours at worst. And when she told her the solution in not even very clear way, Ladybug did it immediately with no effort. That was so anticlimactic. At least the animation was fine, but other aspects of it was just a big disappointment, and I was looking forward for it. Thank goodness it's just the beginning of the season, I hope later important events of the season will be better written and portrayed.

Also I find it absurd that Rena Rough is walking with a page from the Grimoire like it's just an ordinary book and she's talking about it in front of a random civilian, like things that are written there are nothing special. She or Ladybug are not careful about Miraculous lore anymore. Not to mention that they are giving hints that Rena is very close to Ladybug in public, suspiciously close. And now with them being too careless, that's not hard to suspect that Rena Rouge is someone very close to Ladybug, maybe even as a civilian. Shadow Moth knows Rena Rouge's identity, and it's easy to him to learn who is Alya Cesaire's best friend if he doesn't know it yet, after all his son is in the class with her. Marinette has always been super careful and serious about her duties before, why that sudden change with zero explanation? It's just very out of character to her in my opinion.

I didn't like the akuma battle either, it's now the worst fight of the season in my opinion. It was so short and felt very lazy. I only liked that Plagg got some action and interaction with Ladybug (though it should be suspicious for her that he managed to reach to her that fast). He should be aware now that Alya knows Ladybug's identity but he acts like nothing happened. Not a word about it being unfair towards his kid or something, weird.

Thankfully the rest of the episode is generally more or less fun to me. It was nice to see Marinette and Kagami interacting again. I loved Kagami in the episode, although it was a bit weird to me that she isn't seemed to be affected by her breaking up with Adrien. Like her crush was very shallow, so she managed to recover herself from it very quickly. While it's been shown that Luka is hurt, despite Lukanette always seemed to be much more shallow than Adrigami in my opinion. But maybe it's because she's so down to earth, so being less emotional makes sense for her character. I liked how her attitude was opposite to Marinette's hyperactive: "No, I don't want to be in a relationship with Adrien again, he disappointed me, just let me live!!!". And she's another character who said that Marinette and Adrien are made for each other. I'm not surprised that Kagami sees it now when she tried to be with him and that didn't work. She's observant, sees more than many other characters. It seems she's an Adrienette shipper now. It's also good that her issue with Adrien wasn't resolved that easily and too fast. They need more time, but I'm sure they will be friends again.

So, we've gotten shirtless Adrien. I remember seeing a tweet of Thomas in which he answered to a question if there will be a beach episode and he said we will get something similar. I wonder if he meant this episode. Oh, they just remembered that Adrien is supposed to be allergic to feathers. It seems Adrien has allergic reactions only when it's somewhat related to the plot. When it's not, he's completely fine.

The reference to the famous Umbrella Scene™ out of nowhere in a random episode? It probably means something. I can see "reverse crush" supporters interpreting it as a proof to their theory, especially since this time Adrien did something clumsy and Marinette is laughing because of it (actually both of them). Or maybe because it's the first episode of season 4 with Marinette and Adrien interactions, they decided to be that much gracious for Adrienette fans, to compensate lack of it in the first three episodes. Oh wow, Marinette managed to propose spending more time together to Adrien without stuttering. Probably because she has done it spontaneously. Marinette is the most nervous when she's planning and thinking what could go wrong too much. This time she had no time to it, so it went more smoothly. It's like they building development of their relationship, but it didn't seem in Guiltrip (that's episode 11 chronologically) that something changed.

Seeing screenshot above, you can easily imagine how great friends they could be, being very comfortable around each other and laughing together, if not Marinette's anxiety. We need Adrienette development so much to get more moments like this.

Oh and I just realized that it's also one of the veeeeery few episodes with no real Ladynoir at all (the only other one I remember is Style Queen). So if there was no Adrienette it would be an episode without interactions of two main characters at all (although we almost got Ladrien). It could be another reason why this episode is that nice for Adrien and Marinette ship.

After seeing overly excited Marinette dancing in the rain, I can't believe she can manage completely give up on Adrien. It doesn't look like this at all.

Also we've seen three photos of Adrien wearing THAT scarf. It could not mean nothing different that foreshadowing that he's going to discover the truth about it somewhere this season. But I have no idea what Ladybug's mask with shining eyes could mean.

I don't know what to think about the episode. Despite absurd Guardian-related things, I still liked it much more than Gang of Secrets, but I have no idea if I generally enjoyed it more than other episodes of this season or not. At least it's an episode without stupid drama, which is amazing.

---------

I'm currently less active on social media, because my internet connection is very unstable, it often works very slowly to the point I'm not patient enough to visit Tumblr. Also I block spoiler tags again, because I don't want to see spoilers from the episodes those are going to be released very soon, as I feel that they reveal too much to me once more. We're currently in a marathon of the new episodes and since watching them is the more more enjoyable, the less I know about them, I decided to try avoid spoilers as much as I can. The only bad thing is that I can't be read discussions about the new episodes, reblog them and adding something from me until Optigami will be aired.

#miraculous ladybug #ml mr. pigeon 72 #ml season 4 #ml spoilers #ml spoiler #chicoriii about S4 episodes #ml season 4 spoilers #chicoriii #original post

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oksana-moods · 3 years

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Ghost of you - Part 9

Summary: Ghost realizes that, no matter how hard she tries, she can't run away from her past. When Carol's presence do more harm than good, the only way to come clean is to take a dive. A/N: Thank you again for all the support, and to let you know that we reached the point where things start to change. Starting for the song theme. Now we’ll go with ‘Writings on the wall’ from Sam Smith. We’re halfway through, lovelies. Trigger Warnings: Violence, language (a bit too much, I believe), mentions of death… if you find others, let me know. Oh, sort of WandaVision spoiler. Angst. “I've spent a lifetime running, and I always get away”

With my hands involuntarily clutching the tag, I’m sitting at the roof watching the sun slowly but inexorably going down in the horizon. Once, I heard that this is what life feels like. We born just like the sun raises, we reach our greatest point then we start to set till night embraces us. Death, just like the sunset, is inevitable. I find myself agreeing with this metaphor.

It’s been a few months since our futile attempt to overturn Thanos’s snap. And now, each one of us went different ways to try to cope with this catastrophe.

Steve, Natasha and I were still living at the compound we had nowhere else to go so we’re pretending that we were taking care of things, that we’re moving on.

Tony and Pepper are about to get married and, honestly, I hope they find happiness. While Bruce went missing again, Thor went to New Asgard, he lost everything but still had a Realm to rule; Rhodey was working for the Government in a high position, or so I heard. Wakanda lost all the royal family but Okoye was holding on, as best as she could. Rocket and Nebula stayed a bit but returned to space with promises of visiting whenever they could.

Oddly, the logo ‘Avengers’ was scattered all over the universe. We were broken, but we would still protect whom needed protection.

And there is The Avenger, the original one. Carol barely touched the ground coming back from Garden and took-off claiming she needed to check on Skrulls. Not even three weeks later she was back, and that caught me off guard. I’ve never expected for her to return, not that quickly, at least.

She’s been trying to talk to me, but I dodged all of her attempts.

Until now.

“Hey, Mav.” I close my eyes when her voice reaches my ears. “The view from here is amazing.”

I was sitting at the edge of the roof and Carol was leaning with her elbows at the rampart.

“Yes. It is.” I answer. “What do you want, Carol?” We both know she’s not here for the view.

“To talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I got up from my seat, I’m standing in the roof starting to make my way to the door. I flinch away when her hand touches my metal arm. I shoot an outrageous look at her.

“Please.” Her eyes are so soft against my gaze that something inside me stirs. “You’ve been avoiding me. Natasha told me that you lost most part of your memories.” Her brows are so furrowed that is clear she’s upset. Why is she? I turn away from her, I’m looking at the horizon once more. Her gaze was too overwhelming, right now.

“What do you want to know?” I shove my hands inside my pockets. Damn, why am I so nervous? “Most of my memories are gone. The last four years is all I have without gaps. Wanda…” I close my eyes, still hurts to think about her. I think it always will. “She helped me to unbury whatever she could.” I saw Carol leaning at the rampart. She was trying to get closer, but I needed distance.

“I crashed after your crash.” She nodded, of course she knew this. “Whatever happened to you with the tesseract, spattered in me too. That’s why I haven’t changed, just like you.” I could feel my hands shaking inside my pockets, I was uneasy. Something about her was pulling me to the edge.

“But, what about…” She hesitated “What about your arm?” Why is she pretending to be concerned? She’s getting under my skin and I’m feeling cornered. So, I do what every cornered animal do. They attack.

“Will you fucking stop beating the bush? Ask me what you fucking want to ask.” Oh and so she did, she was exasperated with me acting like an idiot. What was she expecting?

“I came to earth around 2007. I went to Maria’s and she told me you were at war but never make it back. I… I saw your stone. I… I…” She ran a hand through her hair. “I thought you were dead.” Her voice was a whisper but that made something burst inside me. I grieved her, even when I knew she was alive. She chose to go away and wanna play the broken-hearted role?

“You and me both!” My voice was harsh and loud, but I wasn’t yelling yet. Yet. “What do you expect me to say, huh? That I am sorry someone lied to you? That I am sorry you were sad?” The setting sun illuminating her face, making her look gorgeous than ever, made me hate her even more. “Well, news flash for you, hon. YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! I still see you die every time I fucking close my eyes.” I yelled. I couldn’t take this anymore. “I SAW YOU DIE OVER AND OVER AND OVER.” Her eyes were glossy, there was something shining inside them that I couldn’t decipher. And, Fuck. It hurt so bad. They hurt me so bad. She hurt me.

“I… Lara, I am so, so sorry they did this to you” She whispered again. She didn’t want to fight, but all I know is fight. And I only stop when I see blood.

“When I was taken by Hydra, they made me watch you die, they made me watch you leaving." My voice was low and hard, this time. "So no, I can’t stand this. Hydra took everything from me. They beat me and oh, they hit me hard. They cut off every single piece of me, and they put me through hell. But you Carol, you broke me first.”

I turned in my heels and left the roof. Each step my feet tried to betray me, make me to look back, but I kept going til reach the door. I knew I was far too harsh, my words probably cut her, but if she was bleeding so was I.

-----------------

Days went by and I didn’t see Carol since that day in the roof. Steve told me she took a room for her at the compound, she’d be staying a bit longer. Of course she is. Like I didn’t have a lot to deal with already. Since there weren’t any assignments going on, all the workout in the world couldn’t help to ease my mind. Or heart.

I park my motorcycle at the parking lot and pick up the flowers from inside my jacket. I check it to see if they still look good. I shrug, they’re good enough.

I walked inside the Hospital and expertly made my way to my friend’s room. It pained me to know she was sick, but she was too strong to give in that easy to cancer. She was a fighter. She inspired me. If she could go on even with her decease and losing her child, so could I.

“Buying flowers became a struggle nowadays.” I said with a smile.

Her smile lit up the whole room. “Good thing you’re not going out on dates, then.” My laugh filed the room.

“Please Maria, you’re too old to be that sassy.”

“You’re just as old as I am. The difference is just that you still look good.”

“You still look good, Ma. I’d take you out on a date.” And it was true, she was around her sixties but still look beautiful. Few lines near the eyes, but only complimented her.

“Awn, you flatter me” She put a hand on her chest, faking innocence. “I don’t go out with women, hon. But I’d definitely accept the invitation, I’m craving real food, not whatever this hospital calls food.” Instantly, this blows the air out of my lungs and I’m forced to face reality. My friends are gone and soon, Maria will be gone too. Carol told me once that her biggest fear was to bury all her friends. Fuck. I understand what she meant now.

“Geez, Mav. It was only a joke. Next time, don’t bring me flowers unless you’re bringing fries too.”

I forced a smile at her.

After the whole ordeal with the ‘Accords’ I was arrested alongside Clint, Scott and Sam. Cap came and rescued us, but I went on the road since I was an outlaw too, so my visits to Maria and Monica stopped despite keeping in touch. I wouldn’t forgive myself for the time I lost.

“Carol came to visit me yesterday.” That’s the Maria I came to know, never holding back her words. “Apparently, you’ve been giving her a hard time.”

“Oh. Did she come to cry on your shoulder?” Every time Carol’s name was brought up, I felt my brain short-circuiting. I don’t know why, but I hated it.

“Naa. I was just gossiping around, I’m an old lady, after all.” She laughed lighting up the mood. “Does it feel better to yell, to be a bitch with her?”

“What?”

“C’mon, Mav. You changed a lot, but I can still see through you. You need to vent whatever is stuck in your chest; you need to put it out.” I was frowning at the floor. “That’s the only way both of you will move on.”

“I hate her, Maria. Seeing her makes me feel like my wounds are cutting open once again. I don’t see how we can move past this, how I can forgive her.”

“If that’s true,” She pointed at my chest, and I knew what she was going to say. “Why do you still wear her tag and yours together?” All of a sudden, the Tag was heavy in my chest. Tons and tons of unspoken words, feelings, and pain weighting too much.

“I… I don’t know. It kinda feels right.” God, I’m so confused. Is it possible to be friends with Carol Danvers again? Will I, one day, forget everything Hydra made me feel with those memories? I wonder if that hopeless feeling will ever go away. Because right now, all I can think of is that, at any moment, she’ll turn her back on me or she’ll die. It’s hard to look at someone expecting, waiting for the pain that usually comes with their face.

“I know it does.” And she changed her tone to her bossy one. “So, stop acting like you have a stick shoved inside your ass and talk to her. Promise me you will.”

“All right. I promise.” I answered, it was no use try to avoid this. Maria wouldn’t drop this.

“That’s better.” She had that look like she knew that I’d comply with her request.

“Doesn’t upset you? That she left and forgot about us?” I was looking out of the window, looking at the cars outside, people were, slowly, trying to find their bearings. Trying to figure out what should be normal now. They were trying. Should I try, too?

Maria’s voice made me look at her when she replied. “It used to hurt, yes. But I’m dying, Mav, I don’t have time or patience to fight anymore.”

After Maria scolded me enough for not talking to Carol, our conversation was lighter. She complained about the overprotective nurse, she complained that tv never had good things to watch, gossiped about other patients, and when I said my goodbyes, she made me promise to sneak some food for my next visit.

However, all the way home I kept overthinking these things I’ve been building up inside me. Something about Carol made me uneasy, like I’m exposed in a field filled with enemies, with nowhere to hide. And I don’t like it on bit. There’s something about her eyes, and I hate the intensity in them when she looks at me, it’s like they can pierce your soul, see what’s underneath… And I’m way too afraid of all the terrors that she might discover. I’m not Lara anymore, I’m not who she thinks I am, no. I’m someone else.

-----------

“You stole my spot.” I said as I reached the roof. The woman who I was addressing to, turned her head to look at me.

She was wearing a simple jeans with a blue t-shirt and her hair was framing her flawless face, how this woman could be so beautiful even with so common clothes was beyond me.

She gave me a tide smile that never reached her eyes, they were somewhat tired.

“Oh. It wasn’t my intention; I’ll leave you to be.” Yes please, leave me alone. I thought to me myself, but then my conversation with Maria from last week came to my mind. Fuck. I hate making promises. She was preparing to leave when I spoke.

“There’s room enough for both of us, though.” I said with a shrug, pretending that I was okay with her company, pretending that I wasn’t uncomfortable with this proximity. Her head snapped at me, she looked at me like I had grown two heads.

“Okay.” Her voice was so soft that immediately put me on edge. I felt exposed again. What was happening with me?

We stayed there for a while with a heavy silence between us. The tension was so thick that I’m sure we couldn’t move, that’s probably why none of us left the roof yet. There was a sea of unspoken words and as much as I hated it, we couldn’t ignore this anymore. If she’s going to stay, we’ll have to dive into this. We’ll have to work together at some point, this wouldn’t be healthy during even the simplest mission.

“You know, I’ve been in a lot of places, but none of them had such a beautiful sunset.” Her voice startled me; I wasn’t expecting at all.

“Well, it does have something peaceful, doesn’t it?” She seemed to ponder what I just said.

“One may say that this might be a spell. That there are a lot of beautiful places out there, but nothing compares to home.”

“Is it?”

“What?” She looked at me, confusion written all over her face.

“Is Earth you home?” At this, she frowned.

“Look, I know what you’re implying. I… I don’t know how much you remember from… before.” She seemed nervous. “What do you recall?”

And that’s it. There’s no turning back now, I needed to dive into this sea and hopefully I’ll reach the other side alive.

I looked forward; eyes set at the setting sun. I couldn’t deal with this and look at her at the same time. My hands started to shake so I wriggle them together to stop them, somehow.

“I remember us.” I felt a pang in my chest. Shit. What is this? “I remember you were always going back and forth to Earth. I remember when you went for good, ‘we’re too good at goodbyes’, yeah?!”

She signed heavily. “While helping Talos, I realized that a lot of people needed help. I wanted to stay, but I just couldn’t ignore innocent people dying.”

“People were dying here too.” She was frustrated, she threw her arms around impatient, but I continued before she could speak. “I know, I know you wanted to bring peace to whoever you could. And Earth already had its saviors.”

“It’s not just like that, I…” She turned to fully look at me. “After I found out about your… death,” She struggled with the word, it fell heavily from her tongue. “I felt so helpless, so stupid for wasting away the time I could’ve had with you, I…” She was staring at me, eyes locked, and I felt myself being dragged inside. “I couldn’t forgive myself for loosing you for good.” She half whispered as if afraid of this becoming true. Like I could turn into a mirage, out of blue.

She was diving in the sea of what was left unsaid too, there’s no going back. “And when you died, part of me died too. Then Earth wasn’t home without you on it anymore, that’s why I never came back after. But then I received Fury’s emergency call, only to learn about Thanos… only to find out that you were alive this whole time.” Her eyes were glowing with such intensity, that my feet were glued to the ground. I felt a hand wrapping around mine. “I wanted to come back, back then. After I went through your door, I regretted at the very same instant, Lara.” Her voice was so soft when she spoke my name, it was like her tongue was made of velvet and it took the air out of my lungs. “After all, I wanted… I wanted so damn hard to be happy… with you. But I couldn’t find my way back, it didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’d only do more damage than I already had. And I’m so, so sorry for hurting you.”

I was so entranced in her eyes while she was speaking that up until now, I hadn’t realized how close she was, or even that her hand was gripping my flesh hand. She’s so close that I could see the fading sunlight brightening her freckles. She was so, so close that my brain was at loss.

I didn’t know if the sun was illuminating her face or if it was the other way around, but such perfection made something inside me stir, I felt strange. I felt an urge to reached out and touch her face, like I needed to feel her skin under my touch just as much as I needed oxygen. “Why are you here now, Carol?” My voice was so soft that felt foreign, almost like a whisper. “My heart is at Earth.” She whispered back, like she was afraid of breaking this spell, this trance that was keeping both of us from moving away.

#carol danvers #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x fem!reader #carol danvers x original character #cap marvel #captain marvel #captain marvel x female reader #Ghost #ghost of you #marvel fanfic series #original female character #marvel x reader #angst

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strawbeebo · 3 years

Text

~♡ Shio, Shoyu, Miso ♡~ [3/3]

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Megumi Fushiguro x Fem! (She/Her) Reader

Warnings: SPOILERS!!! the spoiler is implied in the anime already and I think is coming up this week’s episode or the next, however I still want to put a warning just so y’all know!

Words: 3.6K

Genre: Fluff

A/N: the final chapter is here! hope ya enjoy

TAG LIST: @fairytailwzard @itadaklmasu @thebiggestnaturaldisaster @drealugo31 @minnieminnie00-got7

As always, if you enjoy this and want to see more of my work, PLEASE consider reblogging as it’s the best way for my works to get around and keepin’ me motivated to make more for y’all!

PART 1 | PART 2

When Fushiguro didn’t show up the following week, you didn’t pay much mind. The second week of his absence wasn’t that strange either. By the third, however, you were starting to wonder if maybe something happened, but your hopefulness filled your mind with assurances that he was probably just busy, maybe he had some sort of exams coming up or maybe he had just been too tired to make his way into town. Still, your hopefulness could only lift your spirits for so long and after a month of not seeing him, your mind couldn’t help but go to places of self doubt. Had you been too forward? You thought you had done a decent job of hiding your feelings, but maybe you weren’t so clever after all. Maybe he realized and got nervous and, not wanting to have to tell you off, decided it would be best to just cut your friendship short before things got awkward. Or maybe he just was never that interested in your friendship, or rather what you assumed was friendship. Maybe your lovesick mind was just filling in the blanks, putting meaning into every small smile he’d send you or every accidental touch even when he was nothing more than a polite customer.

Another week and all you felt was embarrassment at the thought that you let your emotions get this out of hand. The two of you were barely friends, he was just a nice guy who made conversation with someone his age while getting a meal. There was nothing special, in fact you probably didn’t even really like him like that. Most of your friends were in relationships and it was making you a little bit of a hopeless romantic is all. You probably would’ve latched onto the first attractive person who gave you attention that could be perceived as romantic interest. Every part of your heart and mind were telling you that it was all just one thing or another, anything but a serious crush, and yet despite all that time and overthinking, eventually you had to admit defeat and throw up the white flag.

You liked Fushiguro. A lot. You loved his passion for his friends that he tried so hard to hide under a grumpy frown, you loved how he always seemed to put others first, you loved his goofy hair that he complained he could never get to lay flat, you loved everything about him to bits. However now it seemed like you had waited too long, decided to avoid the embarrassment of admitting to liking someone so much even though you hadn’t known him for long and now you were stuck with these feelings and didn’t even have the option to let them out. Another week passed and you had made one final decision: if you ever saw him again you were going to ask for his number and then ask him out. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. You thought your chances were slim of you seeing him again and even slimmer of him returning your feelings, but it was actually quite the opposite, the problem was that things for Fushiguro had just been...complicated.

He couldn’t even think of a way to explain the rollercoaster that had been his life lately, especially not to someone like you who knew nothing about what his life was really like. Hell, the past month and a half had moved so quickly even he was sure he had missed some of it. A few big fights were one thing, but losing Itadori after having the shit beat out of him by Sukuna was like getting hit with a ton of bricks. It didn’t feel real, it felt like a mistake, as if somehow he had dreamt up the whole thing. But it was real, he knew that from the look on Kugisaki’s face, and probably his own too, when they received the final news. He didn’t cry, hell he didn’t really know what to feel, and for a while you were gone from his thoughts just like everything else. He was moving on autopilot for a long time, only starting to get himself back on track when he was introduced to the second years once more as the two classes, or what remained of them, worked on some training for the upcoming challenge against Kyoto's students.

It was then that thoughts of you slowly began to weasel their way back into his mind, only now he didn’t know where he was going with those thoughts and feelings. It made him feel a bit sick at first, or maybe he just felt guilty that despite losing his friend he couldn’t help but think about you amidst the aftermath, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. At night when he’d try to fall asleep he’d think about Itadori and naturally his thoughts would drift to you. He’d tell himself that you probably couldn’t begin to understand his own self made hell that was his life and, even if you could, he wouldn’t want to drag you into something that could turn so dark in a matter of minutes. From there he moved on to convincing himself that maybe the two of you could just be friends and he could go back to how things were, but that just made him realize you’d be needing an explanation as to why Itadori wasn’t around anymore, plus he already tried to whole ‘acting like his feelings were strictly platonic’ thing and it never worked out once he was actually with you. So things stayed that way, with him having you on his mind whenever he would drift from thinking about school, but not actually doing anything about his situation. See, he thought he was getting back into a normal groove until once again his world was flipped over on its head.

Itadori was back. He was seemingly happier than ever and, y’know, without a giant hole in his chest. Not only that, but he had been back since only a few days after his ‘death’ and it was Gojō’s decision to keep him hidden until then. If Fushiguro could’ve, he would have beaten the ever living shit out of both of them, but there were more important things at hand so both he and Kugisaki were a bit forced to accept this new reality, act like they hadn’t been torn up by losing Itadori, and move on. And move on they did, and on and on and on. More unexpected turns of events, more fights, more questions and curses and all sorts of inexplicable things until finally, for a moment, they could breathe. And of course, just like any other time when his mental space wasn’t filled to the brim with more dangerous and serious matters, his mind drifted back to you.

It had been about two months now since he had seen you, maybe more, and yet now he was more hesitant to visit you then he had been before. Itadori, however, was not, and he had a feeling it might be a good idea to pay you a visit without the company of his friends and that’s exactly what he did. The two of you talked for a bit as he ate, obviously not about the...odd events of his life, but there was one thing that even he couldn’t dismiss. First it was how excited you were to see him when he first walked in, then it was the look of disappointment on your face when you asked if Fushiguro was joining him and he said no. You tried to hide it, maybe you didn’t want him to feel bad that you were more looking forward to seeing Fushiguro rather than him, but he could tell regardless. You went on to explain that you hadn’t seen him in months and while you didn’t say how much you missed him or tell him anything about your revelation of your crush on his friend, he could tell that something was up. Still, you talked with him a bit more, wished him well, and he went on his way, practically making a beeline for Fushiguro’s room the second he got home.

His incessant knocking was more than enough to bring Fushiguro’s concentration on the book he was reading to a grinding halt and he could tell before even opening the door that it was probably Itadori.

“What.” He asked, making zero effort to hide his annoyance as he opened the door to see his beaming friend.

“Guess what! I went and saw (Y/N)!”

Your name alone was enough to cause his eyes to widen and a wide range of questions and emotions to fly through his head. It wasn’t that he had forgotten about you, god knows that’s far from true, but he had sort of...pushed you back. Figured if he procrastinated or didn’t think about this one little issue for long enough that maybe it would go away, but Itadori just made sure that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

“You what?”

“I said ‘I went and saw (Y/N)’! Do you need to get your hearing checked?”

“Why?” Was all he could ask, catching himself before he managed to ask his list of questions. Were you okay? Were you mad? Did you even care? Itadori simply gave a shrug in response, putting his hand under his chin as if he were thinking very hard on what he should say.

“Well I just figured it’s been a while since I’ve seen her, I like her a lot y’know, she seems cool.” He spoke, missing the way Fushiguro’s eye twitched at the notion of Itadori ‘liking her a lot’. “She seemed kinda sad too, she got real excited when I walked in, but seemed pretty disappointed when I told her you weren’t with me. She said she hasn’t seen you in months, what’s up with that man?”

For a moment his heart jumped at the prospect of you missing him, but then he was left with guilt just as quickly.

“We’ve been busy.” He muttered, already knowing that was partially bullshit. He had been busy before, but he had a good amount of recuperating free time over the past two weeks that he spent properly avoiding you and his feelings for you.

“I guess…” Itadori hummed.

From their second or third visit to see you, he had a tiny suspicion that Fushiguro had taken a little bit of an interest in you, but judging by his reaction even he could guess that there was a significant amount more than just a ‘little’ interest.

“You should go see her.” He said, quite matter-of-factly, “I mean we’ve got some free time with it being summer and all. She’d probably like that a lot. Besides, you only live once right? Well- ok I guess that’s not right for me to say but you get what I mean.”

Fushiguro rolled his eyes and gave him a short “Yeah.” in response and since Itadori had said all he really wanted to say, he gave him a goodbye shortly after that before making his way to his own room, leaving Fushiguro alone with his thoughts. He didn't want to get his hopes up as he tried to think this through without losing his head. Itadori said you seemed sad and that he only assumed you had missed him and if he knew Itadori, he knew he wasn’t always the best at reading the room. Besides, even if he was right and you really did want to see him, that didn’t mean you thought anything of him aside from being a friend, but then again, wasn’t that enough? Either way, hadn’t he been itching to see you and just avoiding it because he didn’t know what to say? He closed his door with a sigh before running a hand down his face with a groan. He still didn’t really know what he was doing or how to navigate his feelings for you, but he just wanted to see you, enough so that he was willing to forego his usual ‘think first and act second’ methods and simply decided that if time allowed it, he’d stop by to see you this weekend, which was exactly what you had been crossing your fingers for.

You had been halfway over the moon since Itadori paid you a visit and once again it seemed like you had forgotten your prior shortcomings, though it wasn’t really that you had forgotten, you had just sort of come to terms with the outcome. Even though you were a bit sad that Itadori had come alone, he didn’t mention Fushiguro having any ill will towards you and seemed equally surprised that he hadn’t visited you which made you think that at least he probably wasn’t upset with you in any way. Granted if he wasn’t upset with you and he didn’t not like you, that left you not really knowing why he had been gone for so long, but with Itadori coming in it gave you high hopes that you could either ask him about Fushiguro or Fushiguro would come in on his own. You hadn’t backed down from your promise to yourself and now you actually felt less nervous about the prospect of confessing. You felt like even if he didn’t return your feelings, having him around as a friend would be just fine for you, though while your spirits were up in comparison to how they had been, his had dropped to the bottom of his stomach.

He made it all this way, which really wasn’t that far from home or anything, but now that he was standing just out of view of the restaurant windows, he was having a bit of trouble getting his legs to keep going. He had practically been repeating ‘the outcome doesn’t really matter’ as a mantra to himself the last couple days and his whole walk here, but now he realized the outcome did matter to him. A lot. He only thought it didn’t matter because he figured if you rejected him there was no way you’d want to flat out cut him off entirely, but now he was worried staying strictly friends would be so much worse. Could he really push his feelings down just like that? If he wasn’t able to stop his feelings for you, would you be able to tell? Would that push you to stop contact? He knew the only way to find out was to see for himself, but his heart was currently trying very hard to just say ‘fuck it’, turn around, and save himself the possible heartbreak, but his resolve to do so was cut short and all it took was hearing his name.

“Fushiguro?”

You had gone outside to set up a little sign announcing some new menu options when out of the corner of your eyes you saw him, standing about ten feet away from the entrance with furrowed brows as he glared down at his feet. You couldn’t help the grin that bloomed on your face as you closed the distance between the two of you, stopping a few feet in front of him as his eyes finally snapped up to meet yours. If your heart could have burst with joy it surely would have, meanwhile his was hammering in his chest like there was no tomorrow. He heard you speaking, asking him where he had been and explaining your worry that he’d never come back, but it felt like your words were going in one ear and out the other as he simply stared at you.

“Am I losing you? Sorry it’s just-... actually I can talk your ear off while you eat.” You laughed nervously, trying to keep your composure and act like you weren’t bursting at the seams with intent to confess.

“Anyways, what’s it going to be for you today? Salt, soy, or-“

“Actually, I wanted to ask for your number.”

His jaw clenched as he realized what he had just said without even thinking. He wanted to backtrack, to make some excuse, say he misspoke, but he knew this was his last chance so despite the look of sudden shock on your face he decided to keep going.

“I just- I thought it was kind of weird. That I don’t have your number yet, I mean.”

Your face flickered with confusion and for a second he felt sick to his stomach. He was mentally stumbling over himself, suddenly not sure what the hell he was doing as he could feel redness creeping up his skin all the way up to the tips of his ears.

“And uh,-“ C’mon brain, please just give him at least a few more moments of functionality before crapping out on him. “Damnit, this is so stupid….do you think maybe you’d want to go out with me some time?”

He muttered part of that at himself, but you really didn’t care. All you could feel were the butterflies erupting in your stomach and the heat warming your cheeks even more than the setting summer sun had.

“...You mean like here?” You muttered, almost immediately mentally smacking yourself a second after the words left your lips. It was like your brain just had to make sure this was real and what he was asking of you wasn’t just some misunderstanding.

“What? No- I mean, I guess it could be? I was thinking more like...getting ice cream or something...together.”

Now he was avoiding your eyes, one hand nervously rubbing at the back of his neck and his cheeks ablaze with color. A moment passed and his heart began to sink and he was fully prepared to turn his ass around and strongly ignore any questions about where he had gone, but it was the sound of your laughter that kept him from doing so and instead brought his eyes back up to meet yours.

“Sorry, I’m laughing at myself, not you.” You said with a smile so big you had to bite your inner cheek in an attempt to make yourself look less thrilled. “I’m kinda jealous, I’ve been working myself up to ask you the same thing all week y’know. You kinda stole my thunder.”

He blinked, his brain taking a moment to process that you were accepting his offer- no, not even just that, but you had been wanting to ask him? Suddenly he felt even more guilty for avoiding you, then he just felt plain stupid for not asking you sooner.

“I’m…sorry about that.” He replied, eyes still a bit wide as his brain continued to mull over what was happening. “And about not coming by sooner. I’ve been busy...and I had some stuff going on.”

“Oh, that’s ok.” You responded, your giddiness only ceasing for a moment. “Honestly I was pretty worried about you, but I figured if you felt comfortable explaining then you would. But if not that’s fine too I’m just...really glad I got to see you again.”

“Yeah, same here.”

The conversation between the two of you quieted and you were left simply staring at one another, a mix of apprehension and excitement brewing inside both of you, but before more words could be exchanged the two of you were interrupted by your mother opening the shop door and yelling at you to come back inside.

“Ahh, ok so- How about I get you something to eat first and then we can figure out where we’re going to go, huh?” You asked with a shaky laugh and a nervous smile that for some reason made him feel like he could finally let out the breath he had been holding for what felt like ages as he gave you a short nod and followed you inside.

All these worries about what would or could happen and yet here you were, just like always. Talking happily over food, though of course this time the conversation was a bit different as you discussed the different places you both liked trying to decide where to go as if you both knew it didn’t really matter where because the feelings were already there even before you had your first date planned. Your smile still made his heart skip a beat and the feeling of his eyes on yours still made your skin feel warm, but now it felt better without needless excuses or worries.

It felt like the two of you spent hours together over one bowl of ramen and when it finally was time to say goodbye, you both felt comforted in the known fact that it wasn’t permanent and that you weren’t leaving each other dissatisfied. Sure there was no knowing the future, hell he hadn’t even been five minutes away from you before new thoughts and concerns about where this was going entered his head, but it only took one look at the small slip of notebook paper he held in his hand with your name, number, and a small heart scribbled onto it to remind him that for once, he really didn’t care about the possible negative outcomes because he knew one thing for sure. For you, he was willing to take the risk, to take the good along with the bad and let himself be happy for once and if that’s what you wanted too, he was more than happy to let this story that started with an option between salt, soy, and miso ramen play out for as long as it possibly could and, if he was lucky, maybe, just maybe, that story would never have to end.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #megumi fushiguro #megumi fushiguro x reader

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